#holy baloney it's done

[naffeclipse]

A lot of people are calling hunter Y/N oblivious but I think they deserve a pass for this entire situation?

Yes, Sun and Moon have done odd things in front of them but to go and jump to the conclusion that they’re a demon possessing an animatronic? That would be a ridiculous things for someone like them to do.

Y/N has only known demons and cryptids in general to be bad news. To have a cryptid, that’s a demon, a creature only known as pure evil, stay by their side and protect them would be incredibly hard to believe. Especially when they were attacked by one in the past! So the idea that your partner in crime who has been helping them out since day one is one of those monsters would just be baloney.

Idk if I’m making sense or whatever. I just don’t think hunter Y/N deserves to be called oblivious especially when we readers get to know Sun and Moon are demons ahead of time. The signs are obvious to us, like with the holy water. We know they’re demons so we know the holy water is why they won’t get near Y/N. For Y/N, however, they probably never considered the holy water a reason. They probably only thought it was because of the talk they had earlier. And that’s an incredibly reasonable conclusion for them to come to! That doesn’t make them oblivious or silly for not thinking of the holy water!

You're making sense! I do joke that they're dumb-dumb and oblivious, but they do have their reasons; very personal, haunting reasons. They're not blindly stupid. Maybe they do pointedly pass over a few 'quirks' that their animatronic buddy does, but hey, doesn't everyone have their little weird things?

It's all in good fun, but I am glad that what I have established makes sense for Y/N missing the demon in the animatronic. ♥

[crazycatsiren]

Just saw your reblog saying:

“White neurodivergents can be every bit as racist as white neurotypicals and don't even get me started on all their "I'm 'marginalized' you can't call me racist/I don't understand racism because I'm neurodivergent" baloney.”

And I just wanted to say 100% agree.

Being marginalized in one group does not exclude you from being the majority in another and upholding bigoted views.

And I hate when people try to claim things like that and pass it off as their neurodivergency. I’m neurodivergent. So I get that sometimes you don’t understand something and you do a Stupid Thing and sometimes that Stupid Thing isn’t just Stupid it’s more of a holy shit that was A Bad -Ism Thing Do NOT Do Again. You mess up, you apologize because you messed up and it’s your responsibility to recognize that and face the consequences, and then you learn from the experience.

What is NOT okay is claiming that since you’re neurodivergent that your screw up is unavoidable and when you DO mess up people should just shrug it off and not be rightfully offended. And that you don’t have to apologize to the hurt parties, understand why they are hurt or even why you are wrong - let alone learn to not do it again - and apologize and face the consequences of your actions.

Sorry for the rant. It’s just… I like I said, I hate that mentality. Like I’ve fucked up too. I’ve done racist shit too. And sometimes, yeah, it’s genuinely because I just did not get something. And once it was pointed out to me I felt like an ass because I had acted like one, even if I had not meant to. But I can’t just hide behind my neurodivergence and pretend that that makes it okay. Like no. I need to apologize to the hurt party because their feelings are more important than my own in this situation as, again, they are the hurt party. And I would much rather know I messed up and what I did wrong so I can not do it again in the future!

And if these people claiming these things mean that their neurodivergency stops them from understanding what racism is, like, at all? Idk what to say to them. But if they are also the same people who claim to be marginalized in the same breath then perhaps they don’t have neurodivergency. Perhaps they just have a lack of brain cells as a whole. And I’m afraid there’s really no saving them then.

[pesterloglog]

Calliope, Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde

Act 6, page 5613-5625

UU: hello!

TG: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TG: ...

TG: calliope?

TG: that u

UU: yes, it is i!

TG: holy shit

TG: the most pious and reverential of shits

TG: turd in a church callie

TG: you startled me!

UU: sorry! :u

TG: but yeah so

TG: hey!!!

TG: nice 2 finally meet you

TG: wow wee ur pretty

TG: so when you said you werent good looking it turns out that was a bunch of baloney?

UU: no, roxy. i am afraid it was not a helping of yoUr delicioUs earth baloney.

TG: aw dont say that

TG: also you said you were a cherub

TG: but if i am not mistaken you appear to be a troll

TG: unless cherubs actually look like trolls?

UU: alas, we do not.

UU: this is not my trUe appearance. i have taken the form of my trollsona.

UU: i wanted to look more presentable for oUr meetUp. UnfortUnately my trUe visage woUld likely repUlse or frighten yoU.

UU: that is not the first impression i woUld like to make.

TG: girl please

TG: trust me theres nothing you could look like that would make me scared of you or grossed out

TG: i am your friend and i know youre nice inside no matter what, so

TG: could i see the real u?

UU: that is so kind of yoU to say. i can believe that a lovely person like yoU woUld be able to stop herself from recoiling at the sight of my monstroUs face.

UU: bUt it is oUt of the qUestion. i am mUch more comfortable appearing to yoU this way.

UU: really it has more to do with my own dissatisfaction with the way i look than any lack of trUst in yoUr character.

UU: yoU Understand, don't yoU?

TG: yes

TG: its ok callie you can go on keep being a cute troll

TG: im just happy to see you

UU: likewise!

UU: i wish it coUld be Under better circUmstances thoUgh.

UU: we may not have mUch time here.

TG: wheres here exactly

TG: am i still dreamin?

UU: yes. i have led yoU to a dream bUbble of my own design.

UU: my imagination and thoUghts dictate what yoU see here.

UU: as i told yoU earlier, my brother is hUnting for me. so i have created a little sanctUary in space to stay hidden from him.

UU: that is why i coUld not speak to yoU earlier. not oUt loUd at least. he is highly sensitive to my presence, so it is very easy for me to get his attention if i'm not carefUl.

UU: bUt as long as we stand in the centre of this vortex, we may speak as loUdly as we like! no information can escape this dark pocket, so long as i maintain it.

UU: and seeing as yoU are a hero of void, yoU make an ideal gUest to bring home for one who wishes to remain hidden. thoUgh i will say the fact that yoU are my best friend is a lovely bonUs. ^u^

TG: best bonus!!!

TG: 4 real though its so nice to finally see you no matter what you make urself look like

TG: ive wanted to tell you all about whats been going on with me and my friends since we got together

TG: its been so fun hangin with them even in spite of lets be frank, some truly SELECT teen drama

TG: mmmm see how im kissin my two pinched fingers here? mwah it was like that

TG: the embarrassing teenanigans have been SUMPTUOUS and come highly recommended

TG: no but really its been great, and after some time irl with them it started feelin weird to think we were ever even apart

TG: yet sadly it was not complete because the moment i met them all was also the moment i totally lost touch with my other cool bffsy from THE WEBS

TG: i tried calling and calling your name but you never answered

UU: i know.

UU: i am sorry. u_u

TG: dont be sorry i knew youda answered if you could have

TG: i guess maybe you hid yourself so deep in this dream i couldnt wake ya?

TG: damn this must have sucked spending all this time here hiding from your asshole brother

TG: like i know hes a dick i talked to him enough times to get that but

TG: whys he tryin to kill u so bad?

UU: he is not trying to kill me.

UU: he has already sUcceeded at that.

UU: on the day he foUnd a way to kill my dream self, i was done for. thoUgh to be honest, i doUbt i'd have fared mUch better regardless.

UU: i think his half was always meant to predominate.

UU: my will was simply not strong enoUgh to overcome his. yoU know as well as i how stUbborn he is. i don't think he has ever had even a smidgen of doUbt in his thoUghts, or remorse for his deeds. whereas i was always plagUed by sUch feelings.

UU: on some level i always knew he woUld win. bUt i fooled myself. i thoUght i coUld overcome his ego by looking beyond his negative qUalities, staying optimistic, and working together with him in a game to accomplish something extraordinary.

UU: and that in doing so, perhaps i coUld begin to help him change. to teach him to evolve beyond his hatefUl natUre. and as he changed for the better, slowly but sUrely, he woUld become more like myself.

UU: that was how i thoUght i coUld predominate. it was how i was going to win! and really, if he grew closer to me in that way, by learning kindness and compassion, we both woUld have won. my predomination woUld not have meant his absolUte death, but oUr trUe Union.

UU: bUt sadly, i Underestimated how consUmed he was with the need to destroy me.

UU: now he is completely obsessed with finding my soUl and wiping me oUt for good, even if it means tearing apart the reality that sUrroUnds Us.

UU: he will never feel he has won Until all traces of me are gone.

TG: uuuugh

TG: hearing all that just makes me so unreasonably mad

TG: FUCK that shitlord

TG: i feel so bad knowing you died and there wasnt anything i could do

TG: no matter how much i said your name :(

UU: don't fret. yoU did all yoU coUld.

TG: isnt there some way we could bring you back

TG: some baller fuckin magic, or a bomb ass faeryspell

TG: i mean could we find an answer in like, for instance

TG: YE ENCHANTMENTES?

UU: very Unlikely.

TG: dangit

TG: ok then

TG: if i cant do that

TG: then i guess the next best thing would be

TG: to find your lil shit of a bro and feed him a steady diet of his own ass

UU: ^u^

TG: that is what we are supposed to do right

TG: i mean

TG: from what i gather

TG: the dude is ridicubad news

TG: just such brutal and stinky news

TG: so eventually somebodys got to kill him

TG: and that is probly us aint it?

UU: it's trUe that he deserves a comeUppance like few others.

UU: bUt slaying him is not actUally yoUr responsibility as heroes now.

UU: in fact, if anyone mUst bear that bUrden, it might be me.

TG: oh yeh?

UU: possibly.

UU: as we speak, there are hUndreds of soUls oUt here in the fUrthest ring working to defeat him.

UU: some search for a fabled treasUre. a weapon said to spell his certain demise.

UU: while others say that i myself am this weapon. :U

UU: and so they search for me.

UU: they band together in great nUmbers for this caUse, and attract his devastation in hopes of revealing the path to the weapon.

UU: while at the same time, they draw his attention away from me. and it is a good thing that they do.

UU: i mUst remain hidden from everyone for as long as i can.

TG: why?

TG: why not come out and be all like

TG: here i am yo its me! secret weapon ghost callie ;)

UU: becaUse i am no sUch thing!

UU: i was already Useless against my brother when he was jUst a brat who liked to tease me.

UU: now that he is an exceptionally mUscUlar and invincible adUlt, my chances are laUghable.

UU: no, if i am to contribUte, i need more time.

UU: i mUst go in search of my own weapon.

TG: what weapon?

UU: ironically, the same weapon which many of them are looking for.

UU: me!

TG: ??

UU: it's the only sliver of hope i have.

UU: i have reason to sUspect there may be another iteration of myself oUt here.

UU: one from a doomed timeline, who has kept hidden for a long time, jUst like i have.

UU: bUt Unlike me, she sUpposedly came from a reality where she predominated instead of my brother.

UU: and not by the means which i described. hers was not a mild Union of reconciliation.

UU: amazingly, her predomination was absolUte! a major feat of will, jUst as his was with me.

UU: as sUch, she went on to play the game, and...

UU: well, i cannot even imagine what followed, aside from the fact that she eventUally mUst have died for existing in an offshoot reality.

UU: if she exists, i woUld be eager to meet her. it woUld be a chance to get to know a version of myself who was strong enoUgh to override the will of my brother.

UU: someone i might have become if i had a little more coUrage. u_u

UU: and if she is sUch a person, then i really believe all i have heard mUst be trUe. i believe she is the key to defeating him.

UU: so i have no choice.

UU: i mUst go in search of myself.

TG: you sound like a real popular lady out here

TG: even you are looking for you!

UU: indeed.

TG: well i hope you can find her

TG: but

TG: if thats your job

TG: to find bizarro calliope and go wollop ur bro

TG: then what is our heroic biz?

UU: it's the same as it always was.

UU: to win the game.

TG: oh yeah

TG: duh

UU: it is as i once told jane.

UU: with victory yoU may finally exit this vast whirling storm.

UU: by claiming yoUr reward yoU woUld bring closUre to a very wide coil of caUsality, one not tracing a continUoUs path like a snake, bUt intricately woven like a wreath.

UU: a ring of coUntless little rises and falls, ascents and descents, on its way Up and down a pair of mUch bigger ones itself.

UU: from alpha to beta, then beta to alpha, as if a moUntain to be scaled and then climbed back down. its peak toUches the eye of a storm which cannot end Until the moment yoU all walk throUgh that door.

UU: only then will there be calm.

TG: ._.

UU: ah, bUgger. forgive me, sometimes i forget myself and begin speaking in riddles.

UU: it's jUst a habit that is in the natUre of my people.

TG: yeah i know

TG: at least yours r better than your bros stupid games

UU: don't remind me. in my opinion they do not qUalify as anything of the sort, mUch the same as his "shitty twists". >:u

TG: so then from what im surmising here is we dont need to beat him to win our game

TG: like dealing with him directly is kinda out of our domain?

UU: as the one who provoked the breach in paradox space which i jUst coloUrfUlly described, he has always exerted his inflUence on yoUr realities from afar, and from many different angles. throUgh Unwitting sUrrogates, oUtsoUrced manipUlation, oUtright enslavement, and even petty harassment. bUt most of all, he prevails throUgh the simple inertia of inevitability that has always been on his side, as a lord of time.

UU: and as the one who is to blame for foolishly allowing him access to sUch power, it's only proper that i take responsibility for finding a way to defeat him.

UU: bUt even thoUgh his methods of inflUencing yoUr session are indirect, they are still formidable.

UU: there will be a nUmber of powerfUl foes who stand between yoU and victory.

UU: tomorrow, a terrific battle will take place.

UU: when yoU wake Up, i sUggest yoU begin to prepare.

TG: ummmm ok

TG: how

TG: like make more sick gear

TG: i could hustle up another batch of illwicked guns

TG: just a big ol pile of guns

TG: jake can have the wimpy smaller ones

TG: make jane like a fancy new fork or spoon or such

TG: like an elite endgame spoon

TG: whatever that is

TG: like uh

TG: the chowderfucker 5000

TG: janey be flippin her godspoon round bopping monsters doing like

TG: CUCKOO damage

TG: wont bother make nothin 4 dirk since hes basically married to his boring anime sword

TG: like u could even pry that thing from his rad dead cadaver

UU: yes, i'm sUre new eqUipment woUld come in handy.

UU: now that yoU mention it, well before i died or even realized i woUld not live to play, i made special exception to my rUle of staying linear with conversation. i messaged jane a birthday gift.

UU: yoU see, i had a brief vision from skaia which sUggested to me she coUld Use a boost in morale on this special day, so i offered her something very dear to me. jUst a little token to show appreciation for her friendship.

UU: i hope it will cheer her Up, and moreover that it will prove at least somewhat UsefUl to yoUr party.

UU: bUt really, at this stage if yoU wish to prevail against sUch stacked odds, collecting boons sUch as new weapons and treasUres will only go so far.

UU: i think yoU will need to embrace a far more sUbstantive gambit.

TG: like what

TG: omg are we gonna have to enlist fefeta

TG: is fefeta the secret weapon

TG: its fefeta isnt it

TG: poor, sweet, dear, precious fefeta :(

UU: it is not fefeta!!!

UU: i am sUggesting a measUre that is mUch more extreme.

UU: i believe yoU shoUld all strongly consider ascending to the god tiers.

TG: oh

TG: ok that sounds cool what do we do

UU: well of coUrse it soUnds cool! bUt it's not necessarily as easy as it soUnds, steeling oneself for death. believe me.

UU: bUt if yoU can find the resolve, then here is what yoU mUst do.

UU: since none of yoU have any dream selves left, it won't do any good to sacrifice yoUrselves on the qUest beds foUnd on yoUr respective planets.

UU: and even if yoU did, there is not even a battlefield from which to rise anew. no, yoUr void session had only one path to ascension all along.

UU: yoU mUst travel to the centre of the moons of prospit and derse, and there in the crypt yoU will find yoUr sacrificial slabs. yoU mUst lie on them, and then...

UU: then yoU all mUst die. one way or another. u_u

TG: alright

UU: alright?

TG: yea

TG: fuck it

TG: lets do it

UU: doesn't the thoUght make yoU nervoUs?

TG: well

TG: gettin offed on a moon slab aint my idea of primo funtimes or anything

TG: but like

TG: you end up with super powers after that right?

UU: yes.

TG: and some kinda semi immortality?

UU: yes. :u

TG: and cool costumes???

UU: yes! :U

TG: then what is even the fuckin holdup

TG: lets plop our asses slabward and get down to dying

UU: yoU seem qUite cavalier aboUt this, roxy!

UU: don't yoU have doUbts?

UU: woUldn't it cross yoUr mind to wonder, "what if i never wake Up again?"

UU: i know it woUld for me.

TG: i guess thats a fair point

TG: but

TG: you say ill be fine right?

UU: yes. i believe yoU will.

TG: then thats good nuff 4 me

TG: i trust you

UU: ...

UU: ^u^

TG: but it sounds like we dont have much to pull this off

TG: because foes are a comin?

TG: who are all these foes you say we gotta beat

UU: those who i mentioned my brother has been exploiting as his pawns from afar.

UU: the most obvioUs woUld be the one responsible for the extinction of yoUr race.

UU: and who also happened to be responsible for this most fortUitoUs nap.

TG: huh?

TG: wait

TG: how DID i fall asleep?

UU: yoU don't remember yet?

TG: i remember

TG: a party

TG: and

TG: a sad jane

TG: a poor sad jane with shitty fella problems

TG: and a ruined cake! it was going 2 be so delish, but no

TG: it was claimed by the cruel and unforgiving sands of lopan

UU: ...

TG: i remember

TG: gcat

TG: GCAT!!!!!

TG: god DAMMIT gcat!

TG: he poofed me away with cat magic and i got ko'd by a floor

UU: bUt which floor?

TG: it was

TG: a derse floor?

TG: aw man

TG: was i captured?

TG: the batterwitch has me doesnt she

TG: THATS who you meant

TG: what is she gonna do with me?

UU: as i said, she is his servant, and is obligated to do everything in her power to facilitate the cycle of his existence.

UU: and while nearly all she has done on earth and on derse has been to advance that scheme, that does not mean she's withoUt her own agenda.

UU: i know that she woUld like to see my brother defeated as mUch as anyone else. for her enslavement, for doUble-crossing her, and for orchestrating her people's extinction.

UU: he always did loathe trolls. i've sUspected i may be to blame for their misfortUne as well, considering he knew how mUch i fancied them. u_u

TG: ok so if she wants him dead too and has her own personal secret plans or whatever then whats she want with me

UU: i believe she's looking ahead, beyond the fUlfillment of her obligation. she is likely making plans for after she is liberated. she has lived as a rUler and conqUerer for very long time, and probably coUldn't have done so withoUt sUch gUile and foresight.

UU: if she has captUred yoU, it's certainly for a good reason.

UU: i think she wishes to exploit yoUr abilities as a rogUe of void.

TG: pfahahaha

TG: WHAT abilities

TG: i dont have any abilities

TG: except making screens dark which as superpowers go is lame as hell

UU: none that yoU have gotten in toUch with yet.

UU: bUt rest assUred, yoU have them!

UU: it's like i told yoU before, remember?

UU: a fUlly realized rogUe of void can do remarkable things. things which even other god tiers woUld view as miracUloUs.

TG: like what?

UU: why don't yoU see what it is the qUeen woUld have yoU do?

UU: then yoU may look inside and determine whether yoU have it in yoU to do it.

TG: man

TG: whatever she wants

TG: even if it IS an enemy of my enemy kind of thing

TG: i dont think i could ever bring myself to help her :(

UU: that is Understandable.

UU: jUst do whatever yoU feel is right. i'm sUre yoU will make the correct decision.

UU: yoU see, i trUst yoU too, roxy. ^u^

TG: daw thanx callie

UU: oh no...

TG: what?

UU: OH NO!!!

UU: WHAT IS *SHE* DOING HERE???

ROSE: Mom? ROXY: mom?

CALLIOPE: NO NO NO NO NO! THIS WON'T DO AT ALL!

CALLIOPE: A LIGHT PLAYER? A LIGHT PLAYER???

CALLIOPE: HAVE YOU GONE MENTAL? WHY DON'T WE JUST BURN A BLOODY BONFIRE IN HERE!

CALLIOPE: HE'LL SPOT US ANY MINUTE! ASSUMING HE ISN'T ALREADY ON HIS WAY TO BLOW US ALL TO KINGDOM COME!!!

CALLIOPE: NOT THAT IT HASN'T BEEN DELIGHTFUL! BUT EVERYBODY OUT!

CALLIOPE: OFF WITH YOU, LOVE!

CALLIOPE: SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO!

[the-firebird69]

Watch "The Omen | #TBT Trailer | 20th Century FOX" on YouTube

The two conspire to put me into her womb in order to kidnap me and to hold me prisoner. The demon you see here is the highest level demon and the cathedral is not from France but it was there for quite a while and it is from a holy place as is the other it does honor Father and Mother properly. You seen this process thousands of times here and he will be suspected to be one of you quite often but right now he is below the National Cathedral in Washington DC.

Zues

This is where I placed him on a firstborn and although he is he is not human but there is a human counterpart and that human counterpart is my husband our son controls his son and he is in the next cathedral and it's a rulership building and we had rules from there for a Time from the present or past recent past perhaps. He has a wife that I control and it's her first born almost human but not human at all and she is below the Cathedral De Notre Dame in France. And it is partially because of Notre Dame academy where my husband was forced to drive his grandma to school while she was pregnant with her own grandchilds or great-grandchild lily and an ugly scene that was a threat against him and and she was baloney and so is Mac she heard him say you've got your kids and that's what you got and they're not stupid and they help me and you a lot. He said they're still there for you and I told him that she doesn't know but she loves you anyways and they end up fighting these guys she says it to him and he says no way they refuse the logic because they're not technically competent and he gets it and tried to help her and they're going to try and get her out but that's not who the daughter is she's in another movie no she's in this one and she's not the mom of course he can see her in the background many times and the same with the video about bja in westborough the two are in the background and they're not in the cabbage plant either and the highest level demons and they're calling is now and they are to activate the devices all of the world but in the rulership cathedrals no those are the jobs of the son and daughter in law of ours we are to activate the one in Italy and other such places no that's where the hierarchy is

Hera I did hear my husband say it is our job we might have a stop before Italy that's what I hear

I do hear our name and I do understand it and I know where and when and I do know who it is and it's in Norway and it does happen there and it is for a very good reason and the spot is intense because that's where we're from and I myself placed him there and my wife placed the counterpart there and it is in our Hutts and that's what we call them this is a great moment because you remembered me and he says you got to be kidding we're glued together and I'm not worried about it but we both like privacy and it will be fine he says that and I do understand it we're going to go to town on these people and it's going to work but mine and hers will be raised after theirs and then the entire hierarchy and they do agree with it cuz that's how it was and how it is

Thor Freya

We agree with the method and we did talk about it no but it's going to happen that way and we now see why and this is intense because these two had planned to do that to him and he hates them fiercely and the max keep him stuck to him it's not a huge thing to go through and they want to be close to it and they want to learn all sorts of stuff really their memory is so piss poor thier just going to be horrified. And people are saying that it's JC and Mary and it remains to be seen genetically. And tons of people want to find out cuz they have to know we were waiting for it to happen no they're there right now at both cathedrals almost all of the higher-ups

In the Vatican and we see it now it's going on right now

About half of them are at those locations

We cannot wait to be rised, it will be done properly and we're glad

Olympus

[tappity-tap]

FOREVER BElonging WITH YOU

PART VIII - THE DELIVERY

<< PART VII || END Story Rating: M Chapter Warnings: Pregnancy, medical things, and mild suggestive content. [This chapter is sfw.]

When Renji and Rukia’s daughter finally arrived, she was late.

 As in, “half a week past her due date” late.

 And because everyone involved was under the reasonable assumption that she would come before or on the projected day given by Captain Kotetsu, this unexpected delay of events selfishly interrupted the lives of people who had already organized their schedules for after said day. It was already highly inconvenient for those who resided in Soul Society, but it was even more so for the ones living on an entirely different plane of existence.

 Typical. Only her first day of life and she was already throwing baby-sized wrenches into Ichigo’s plans. Just what he’d expect from something spawned by those two.

 They were important plans, too. He was supposed to be treating Orihime, his girlfriend of eight months now, to a date that included a morning walk in her favorite park, lunch at a new restaurant downtown, and a movie of her choice; His intended birthday gift to her. Since he was swamped with classes during her actual birthday on the 3rd of September and had several major assignments due in the weeks following, he had worked extra hard to make sure this day, the 23rd of September, would be free of conflicts and he could devote all his time and attention to her. After all, Ichigo knew these were the things she treasured from him more than anything else and he would walk the world over to give them to her. Twice.

 When he thought about it, that’s what he loved most about Orihime.

 They had been together as a couple since mid January, though he had definitely harbored a crush long before that, and her even longer still. Ichigo had to reluctantly admit: If Renji hadn’t decided to play matchmaker (at his own wedding, no less) and figuratively thrown Orihime into his arms (which, ironically, Ichigo had literally done to him with the woman he had just married), he might not have ever found the courage to act on his feelings. He was happy enough being around her even just as her friend, and he didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize their relationship or make her uncomfortable. All he wanted was to see her happy and safe.

 Even though Renji had given him the perfect opportunity, he still couldn’t bring himself to confess to her at the wedding and instead asked that she make time for him so they could discuss something important. It had taken almost two weeks to find that time when both of them could sit down and properly talk, but they put in the effort to make it work. It meant they had to quite literally meet up during work hours while she was on break, but at that point Ichigo didn’t even care anymore. He just needed to come clean to her somehow.

 When he was finally able to look her in the eye over a platter of fruit tarts and quietly tell her, “Inoue…this may be selfish of me but I need you to know my feelings. For you. I like you a lot as a friend. And I think…I might also like you as something more,” Ichigo definitely didn’t expect her to break down and give him a confession of her own in return.

 Her feelings, as it turned out, were the same as his. Though she deeply desired more, all she ever wanted and expected from him was his company and loyal friendship, if it meant he could be happy.

 Ichigo ended up waiting around until her shift was over and walking her back to her apartment where they drank tea and ate more sweets and stayed up talking well past midnight. It was almost 1am when he finally arrived home and was promptly submerged in a tidal wave of nosy questions from his prying family. That was probably why he held off until April to officially tell them he and Inoue (he would soon start calling her Orihime after that) were dating.

 Funnily enough, they’d actually already deduced it for themselves from the amount of time she spent at their house, not to mention alone with him in his room.

 September rolled around and he and Orihime were better than ever…still close and growing closer, still enjoying spending time with each other, still determined to make the other as happy as they could possibly be. The only dynamic that had truly and drastically changed between them was…well…in a physical proximity sense.

 And speaking of which, in the days leading up to their date Ichigo found himself secretly hoping that she’d pick a boring and easily ignored biopic or something lame like that so they could sit in the back of the theater and find a better way to pass the time.

 That morning had gotten off to a good start. After getting up early enough to take the first shower (allowing him as much hot water as he wanted) and gulping down a quick breakfast, he zipped himself into a jacket appropriate for the brisk autumn air and set off to meet Orihime at the park to kick off their walk-lunch-movie date. It was approximately 10:46 am, 20 minutes into the “walk” part, when both their phones buzzed and lit up with identical text messages:

 GET READY!!! BABY COMING SOON!!!

 At Orihime’s insistence, Ichigo reluctantly agreed to set aside their plans for another day so they could wait on standby for any further updates on the baby’s progress from Renji (as they had promised and intended to do when she was supposed to be born, four days ago). Bare minimum decent as it was, if it could reassure Renji and Rukia to know they were only a text or call away should something drastic happen, then all the better. It wasn’t like there was anything they could actually help with since this was all going down in Soul Society and they were…not in Soul Society.

 After two and a half hours of sitting on his bed and twiddling their fingers to radio silence, the message they’d been anticipating finally arrived:

 SHE’S HERE!!!

 This one was accompanied by a photo of a sweaty and exhausted-looking Rukia lying on a hospital bed and giving the camera a weary, but noticeably happy, thumbs-up.

After studying the photo, they remarked to each other with some amusement that considering the wording of the message it would have made more sense for Renji to send a picture of the baby instead of Rukia. But as his next message informed them, they had already been given priority clearance to come to Soul Society right away so they would see her for themselves very soon.

 3:55pm, they all stood in the street just outside of Ichigo’s house waiting for the gates to appear so they could cross over: Himself, Orihime, and Chad.

 Next to him, Orihime fidgeted and wrung her hands excitedly. And next to her, Chad loomed over, tall and massive as ever. Ichigo swore he got bigger every time they met up. He was training practically every day, though, (and had even shown up straight from the gym still in his workout gear) so it actually might not have been his imagination.

 A light breeze blew a small flock of leaves past them and ruffled his hair. Sighing, Ichigo took one hand out of his pocket to brush it back in place somewhat awkwardly. It was weird not feeling the long strands he was used to having since he was a kid; He had recently cut his hair short on a whim and had yet to grow accustomed to the new style.

 Actually, that was a lie…he cut it because Orihime had mentioned a few times in passing that she thought a short haircut would look good on him and he’d finally given in to curiosity. Thankfully, it turned out she’d been right. It made him look his age, maybe even older.

 Not to mention, it was worth seeing the look on her face when he showed up on her doorstep unannounced to show it off.  He really liked making her blush and smile like that.

 “Hm. This feels a little strange,” Chad suddenly remarked.

 Ichigo dropped his hand and jammed it back into his jacket pocket. “I know. Hard to imagine those two idiots with a kid isn’t it?”

 Chad shook his dark curls. “No. I mean us going to Soul Society like this without Ishida.”

 “Oh. Right.” Ichigo shrugged. “He said he was fine with it. You know how busy he’s been recently.”

 “Still, it is sad.” Orihime tucked a strand of hair behind her ear wistfully. Her blue flower hairpin flashed brightly in its disturbance. “We don’t get to see him much anymore. I hope this doesn’t mean-”

 Ichigo let out a defiant huff before she could finish. “That doesn’t matter, does it? Ishida’s still our friend. We’ve been through things together, we still have those bonds and share the same feelings. That’s not going to change, even if we don’t see him as often as we want to.” He then noticed the other two smiling strangely at him. “What…?”

 Chad smirked and Orihime let out one of her musical laughs. “Nothing,” they replied simultaneously.

 Ichigo sighed. He adored his girlfriend and his best friend dearly but sometimes he just didn’t get them.

 At 4pm right on the dot, they felt the telltale spike of energy and shift in the wind that heralded the appearance of the Senkaimon. Seconds later, it materialized in front of them. The doors slid smoothly open to reveal the dark dank passageway of the Dangai, and its lone occupant.

 “Kurosaki Ichigo. Inoue Orihime. Sado Yasutora.” A familiar cool masculine voice addressed each in turn. Three hell butterflies fluttered out to meet them and circled impatiently around their heads as if to say “Hurry up! Get moving!”

 Ichigo gestured in greeting to the approaching figure with his hand still inside his jacket. “Yo, Byakuya! Congratulations!”

 “Rukia and Renji had the child, not I.” Byakuya eyed him with blatant disapproval for his supposed mistake. Although, that wasn’t saying much since the man always gave off the impression that his sole purpose in life was to bestow unforgiving judgment on everyone around him.

 Stepping through the doorway with the others, Ichigo shrugged. “Yeah, but you’re an uncle now, that’s something we still congratulate people for.” The doors clanged shut behind them and he fell into step next to the captain. “So, congrats, Uncle Byakuya! How does it feel to have a new niece?”

 “Oh. Yes. Good, I suppose.” Byakuya closed his eyes and turned away with a curt nod. “Thank you,” he added hastily.

 Ichigo smirked to himself. There were things even the great Kuchiki Byakuya wasn’t immune to and getting caught off guard by his own emotions was one of them.

 Of course, now that Byakuya had clammed completely shut, that was the extent of this discussion. For almost the rest of the way the four of them walked the bumpy, oozing tunnel to Soul Society in awkward silence, their butterflies flapping out little halo-like paths over their heads. It wasn’t until they caught sight of the bright light streaming in at the end of the channel that it was abruptly lifted.

 “Byakuya-san?”

 He looked slightly taken aback at being addressed after such a lengthy pause in conversation but he indulged Orihime anyways. “Yes?” he answered in a stern, clipped voice as if he was attempting to discourage any small talk in a very roundabout way.

 However, he’d apparently forgotten this was Orihime he was talking to and being Orihime, she wouldn’t be deterred by something like that. She pressed on shyly. “Um…have you seen her yet? The baby?”

 “…I have.”

 With that bit of knowledge, she gained new confidence and perked up considerably. “Really? What’s she like?” Orihime asked him eagerly.

 Byakuya glanced at her for a split second before replying with some reluctance, “Very small.”

 This was not surprising information. Not counting children, out of their entire group of acquaintances (Shinigami or human) Rukia stood the shortest at less than 4’9” tall. On top of that, she was incredibly slender and it was pretty much a given any baby that grew inside her would reflect this, plus the bump in her stomach did not end up being very big in the end. So knowing that, what Byakuya gave them wasn’t exactly useful information, either.

 When Orihime continued looking at him expectantly, he sighed in defeat and went on, “But she is healthy. She has Rukia’s eyes. And a full head of hair. Renji’s hair,” he added begrudgingly as if this was somehow Renji’s fault.

 Unprompted this time, he paused and took a breath.

 “You will not be disappointed. She is…adorable.”

 Ichigo raised his eyebrows. Was that a smile on Byakuya’s face, or was he imagining things? And the measured steps he was taking…had they suddenly become lighter? Unsure, he looked over at Chad, who shared his sentiments with a silent shrug.

 Byakuya only accompanied them as far as the gate, immediately excusing himself and shunpo’ing away the second he stepped foot onto the ground and his hell butterfly detached from his aura. Something told Ichigo this was his way of dealing with the embarrassment of letting so much emotion towards his newborn niece slip out in front of them.

 Well, it made him seem more human at least. Or…soul.

 The 4th Division’s main medical building (where Byakuya had been decent enough to direct them before darting away) wasn’t busy at all that day. In fact until they walked through the doors, the entire reception area was completely deserted save for one person seated at the first aid station nearby. The poor thing was swaying back and forth on his stool with the glazed over look of someone who’d been stuck in one spot with nothing to do for hours.

 “Hey, Hanataro!” Ichigo recognized who it was and waved. “D’you know where Rukia’s room is?”

 The zoned-out Shinigami yelped and shot several feet off his stool from shock. Displaying remarkable recovery time for someone so lethargic, he snapped back quick as a whip, standing straight at attention and braced for the impending reprimand for slacking at his post. When he saw it was only Ichigo and co. he immediately relaxed his posture and put on a relieved smile. “Oh, hi, everyone! Um, yes, it’s just down this hallway. Follow me.” He motioned for them to accompany him down the closest corridor and they followed his lead.

 As they walked, Hanataro looked at each of them and asked eagerly, “Are you here to see the baby?”

 “Yes!” Orihime nodded, excited, and moved closer to him. “Have you met her yet, Hanataro-kun?”

 Hanataro blushed rather furiously at this question. “Ah…well…you could say I was one of the first people she met,” he laughed nervously and fiddled with the strap of his backpack.

 Chad slowed pace and tilted his head. “You…delivered her?”

 Thoroughly appalled by this suggestion, Hanataro vigorously shook his head and waved his hands in front of him. “Oh…no…no, I wouldn’t even trust myself to do that! Captain Kotetsu was the one who delivered her. But the lieutenant and I checked her over and took measurements right after she was born!” He paused with one finger in the air and mouth slightly agape. After thinking hard for a moment, he scratched his chin sheepishly. “Um…I forgot what they were. I was sent away once I did that.”

 “That’s okay. We’ll…get them from Renji or something,” Ichigo assured, knowing full well they would completely forget by the time they actually got to him.

 “Right…ah…I’m sorry, but I do have to get back to my work. Her room’s right there.” After pointing it out, he waved and hurried back down the hall to his station. The others continued on.

 Up ahead there was a flash of red and Renji popped forth from the room Hanataro had singled out. When he spotted the approaching trio, his face immediately lit up and he waved at them with all the enthusiasm of a puppy bounding over to say hello to its favorite human. They had seen Renji get worked up when he was feeling strong emotions many times before, but never like this. Right now he looked positively giddy with elation.

 “Ichigo! Inoue! Sado!” His loud booming voice echoed down the hall and practically knocked them down with its intensity. “Gladja could make it!”

 A passing orderly carrying a tray full of surgical supplies and bandages winced. “Excuse me, Lieutenant Abarai…I understand this is a happy occasion but I must ask that you please keep your voice down. There are recovering patients on this floor,” he insisted, balancing the tray with one hand and gingerly rubbing the ear closest to Renji with the other.

 Wide-eyed, Renji shrank back and rubbed the back of his head guiltily as the orderly continued on his way. “Ah…right. Sorry.”

 “Yo, Renji,” Ichigo greeted once they reached him, “everything good? How’s Rukia?”

 Renji dropped his hand and grinned broadly with a sing-song voice, “Come ‘an see for yourselves!” He whirled around in a flurry of ponytail and shihakusho and proceeded to prance back into the room with an overly accentuated bounce in his step.

 Ichigo glanced at Orihime, who looked back at him and giggled under her breath. He had to agree with her; Renji was acting a little silly, even for him. Any other day and Ichigo would have given him grief for it. But considering the circumstances he supposed he could let this one instance slide. After all, the guy did just witness the birth of his first child, he had every right be stupidly happy about that.

 And come to think of it…that goofy demeanor sort of reminded him of his own father. Maybe it was a Shinigami dad thing? Ichigo hoped it wasn’t contagious. Or hereditary.

 “Rukia! They’re here!” Renji announced in a raised whisper when the three of them followed his lead through the door.

 From the bed in the center of the room, Rukia rolled her heavily lidded eyes. “I heard you the first time, Renji.” But she smiled warmly at her friends in greeting as they filed in and lined up at the end of her bed, right in front of the small table where various gifts and flower baskets had begun to accumulate.

 Then the bundle in her arms stirred and gave a tiny squawk of a cry.

 “Shhh…it’s okay.” Rukia gazed down and crooned in a soft tone Ichigo had never heard her use before as she tenderly rocked it. “You have some visitors, sweetie. Do you want to meet them? They want to meet you.” She spoke every syllable so slowly and deliberately he started wondering what the hell kind of drugs they were giving her to make her talk like that. And use a very un-Rukia-like word like “sweetie”.

 Perched on a chair drawn up beside the bed, Renji watched them with a joyfully pained expression, like he was on the verge of crying any second. He even gave a minute sniff and drew his sleeve across his eyes.

 Good grief, Ichigo thought to himself. Renji was blubbering so badly it was starting to remind him of Orihime. Which, of course, was perfectly fine when it was Orihime, but Renji displaying that type of disposition was just plain bizarre.

 Rukia suddenly looked up and frowned at the three of them. “What are you standing there for? Get over here and say hi to her. She’s a baby, not a virus,” she scolded. That sounded much more like the Rukia they knew; Raking them over the coals for something as trivial as their failure to properly greet her hours-old child who understood approximately zero words of spoken language.

 Unsurprisingly, Orihime made the first move. Nervously jittering from hairpin to boot tip in her mix of excitement and apprehension, she shuffled around and sat on the bed next to Rukia. But when she looked down at the bundle, her hands flew up to her face and the timid look underneath gave way to one of pure joy.

 “Ohhh…Rukia-san…Renji-kun,” Orihime gasped softly, “She’s beautiful.” She glanced between Renji and Rukia with a hopeful expression. “Um, may I…is it alright if…”

 “Would you like to hold her, Inoue?” Rukia prompted, giving her a gentle smile.

 “Yes! Please!” Orihime beamed and held out her arms.

 Carefully, under Renji’s contented observation, Rukia handed their daughter over to Orihime. “Be sure to support her head,” she instructed, “There you go, Inoue. That’s it.”

 The second Rukia had placed the baby in Orihime’s arms, something magical occurred.

 His girlfriend’s face blossomed into the most radiant smile Ichigo had ever seen and suddenly it was as if everything warm and soft about her had multiplied exponentially. As he watched, awestruck, she settled the baby in the cradle of her embrace so smoothly and delicately it looked like she’d been holding children all her life. Perfectly at ease with playing the role of this child’s caretaker, she almost looked more natural and motherly holding it than Rukia, the actual mother.

 On second thought…that one could’ve been his own bias talking. There was a strong possibility being kicked in the face one too many times by Rukia may have severely damaged his ability to view her as “motherly” in any way.

 When Orihime looked up at him, even her eyes were shining.

 “Ichigo-kun…Sado-kun,” she whispered tearfully and held out the blanket for the boys to see, making sure she was still supporting in all the right places. They both moved over and peered at the sleeping baby swaddled within.

 Byakuya wasn’t kidding…she really did have a full head of hair and it was the exact shade of crimson as her father’s. It almost looked like someone had cut off the end of Renji’s ponytail and glued it onto his daughter as a wig. Thankfully the rosy color dusting her chubby cheeks and delicate button nose wasn’t nearly as bright, or the effect might have made her resemble a miniature circus clown. Thin rows of dark fluffy lashes lay shut over each eye, occasionally twitching in her state of peaceful slumber, and the more Ichigo looked the more her features fluctuated between each parent. Everything about her was a perfect combination of both, though the way her nose crinkled daintily as she stirred and parted her lips with a barely audible whimper was definitely all Rukia.

 A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it back to look at Rukia and Renji. “That’s amazing. She really looks like you guys,” was all he could think to say.

 Rukia rolled her eyes. “Well duh.” Despite her tone, the small smile she wore gave away how much she genuinely appreciated his comment.

 Chad leaned over and cautiously pulled back the blanket with one thick finger to get a better look. “Does she have a name yet?” he asked Rukia in his deep melodic voice.

 Rukia opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by Renji frantically leaping to his feet. “Oi! Of course we gave her a name! It’s Ichika! Abarai Ichika!” he insisted. He sounded highly insulted, like Chad had just accused him of being a terrible father for leaving his newborn child nameless. Which Ichigo knew he hadn’t, but again…Renji was having a very unusual day today, he could let it slide.

 Chad seemed to share his thoughts. “Right. I see. Sorry for being presumptuous, Abarai.” He nodded sincerely and let the blanket fall back into place, at the same time Renji sat down again while muttering, “Damn well should be…” under his breath.

 Orihime paid no mind to the exchange and lit up at Rukia. “Ichika? Oh! What a lovely name! Like the flower, right?”

 Renji’s jubilant demeanor promptly returned. “Right! Exactly! Thank you, Inoue!” he commended her while haughtily raising one tattooed eyebrow at Chad as if to say “Why can’t you be like her?” Chad wisely ignored this.

 “We thought…since you all embroidered strawberry flowers on my wedding veil, well…” Rukia smiled fondly and looked down at her lap. “It just seemed appropriate. Both the meaning of the flower, and in honor of all you’ve done for us.” Beside her, Renji nodded proudly.

 To the surprise of no one, Orihime’s waterworks were going full blast now.

 “Well, that makes sense,” Ichigo laughed and scratched his head, “But for a second there I thought you named her after me.”

 The bed creaked and Renji and Rukia both looked around at him with identical disbelieving stares. “Why the hell would we do that?” Renji asked incredulously.

 Ichigo stared back, feeling one eyebrow start to twitch. “Because people name their kids after friends all the time! And what’s wrong with naming a kid after me?” he asked, annoyed.

 “Not my kid!” Renji shot back. “You can go ‘an name your own kid after yourself.”

 “Maybe I will!”

 The argument didn’t get any further than this because right then Ichika decided it was the perfect moment to interrupt them with a grumpy whine and squirm awake in Orihime’s arms. All attentions drew back to her as her little balled fists broke free from the blanket with a jerky stretch and she gave the biggest yawn her small toothless mouth could muster. When her large round eyes fluttered open Ichigo saw that, once again, Byakuya was right: They were the same deep indigo violet as Rukia’s.

 The tears stopped flowing and Orihime blinked down at the infant. “Hello, Ichika-chan.” she said softly.

 Ichika blinked right back at Orihime and attempted to stare at her. It was a valiant effort, but with how blank and unfocused her eyes remained no matter where she moved them it was more like she was aiming her pupils in a general upward direction than actually staring. Then she frowned and wriggled a little as if she was checking for something. When she finally seemed to realize the person holding her was not one of her parents, Ichika’s tiny face suddenly screwed up and she began to wail. Loudly.

 Caught off guard and not entirely sure what to do, Orihime stiffened. Her large brown eyes darted wildly from side to side.

 “Um…there, there. Shhhhh. It’s okay, Ichika-chan,” she whispered and tried rocking her the way she’d seen Rukia do it earlier. From what Ichigo could tell it was a perfect imitation yet it didn’t seem to do anything. Ichika’s piercing screeches continued ringing out, to the dismay of everyone’s eardrums.

 Renji sprang out of the chair and practically vaulted over the bed to get to the screaming baby. Shoving Ichigo and Chad aside (with a little more roughness than called for), he scooped her out of Orihime’s arms and started parading around the room with some kind of weird skipping trot to his gait. “Oi, Ichika! Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Daddy’s here! See? You’re fine!” he chanted with gusto as he rocked her.

 To everyone’s astonishment, Ichika went silent almost immediately.

 Trying to wrap his brain around what he was witnessing as Renji gamboled back and forth, Ichigo raised one eyebrow and looked at Rukia. She shrugged and crossed her arms with a languid shake of her head. “She likes it when he does that. We have no idea why, but it’s the only thing that’ll get her to stop crying.”

 “Ah.” Ichigo felt it best not to ask how they found that out in only a few hours.

 “Uh, Rukia, I think she’s actually hungry now.” Renji had finished his little cantering routine and returned to his spot beside the bed. Now that he was completely still, they could see how comically massive Renji was compared to his daughter…she was small enough for her tiny body to fit comfortably in one of his hands. (Three for three, Uncle Byakuya)

 “Is she? Finally. Give her here.” Rukia held out her arms and began talking in her weird high-pitched mush-mouth speech again once she had ahold of Ichika, “Are you hungry, Ichika? Do you want to eat? Okay. Let’s get you fed.” With Ichika tucked securely in the crook of one elbow she reached for her collar but hesitated when she noticed Ichigo and Chad were still watching. Her face reddened. “D-do you mind?” she stammered, refusing to look either one in the eye.

 They hastily whipped around.

 “Oi, Rukia, do you have to do that now?” Ichigo’s cheeks burned, out of the corner of his vision he could see Chad’s visible eye widen as he shifted his weight. “Can’t you hold off until-”

 “My child is hungry now so I am feeding her now, you imbecile!” came her irate (normal) voice from behind them, “If you have a problem with it, you are more than welcome to leave!”

 After a moment’s hesitation, Ichigo stiffly shook his head and Chad muttered, “No…no problem.”

 “S’alright. You can turn around now.” Renji sounded like he was trying very hard to restrain himself from laughing.

 When they did so Ichigo was thankful to discover that Renji, despite his overt amusement with the situation, had thoughtfully planted himself on the bed between them and Rukia to act as a sort of living privacy screen. He leaned forward with one arm on his knees and gave Ichigo an incredulous look. “What, you’re not used to it by now?”

 “No, I’m not! Everyone who’s ever given birth in the clinic went straight to the hospital after.”

 “I ain’t talkin’ about that, ya dumbass.” Renji rolled his eyes and lowered his voice. “You’ve seen Inoue in less, right? So how’s this,” he jerked his thumb back at Rukia, “botherin’ ya?”

 “Well, yeah, but…I MEAN-” Ichigo clamped his mouth shut and mentally cursed himself. Renji wasn’t supposed to be aware of that little detail about his and Orihime’s relationship. In fact, seeing as it had only happened a few times so far and they’d agreed to keep it between the two of them for the present, he had no idea how anyone would manage to figure it out for themselves…and judging by the genuinely surprised look he was giving him, even Chad had been completely oblivious until that moment. The only possible way Renji could know was if he’d said something that gave it away it in casual conversation without realizing. Either that or Renji was more observant than he’d been giving him credit for all these years.

 Attempting to shrug off his massive slip-up, Ichigo closed his eyes for a few moments and calmly replied, “In case you haven’t noticed, she’s not my girlfriend. I don’t want to see any part of her I don’t have to.”

 “Well, I’ll give ya credit for bein’ faithful.” Renji lolled his head around slightly to address Orihime, who was still far too busy fawning over the baby to pay attention to him, “Ya got lucky, Inoue. Mosta the guys I know would-“

 “Would you leave Orihime out of this already? She doesn’t deserve to be lumped in with any of your dirty nonsense!” Ichigo snapped, protective instincts kicking into overdrive now that Orihime had been directly involved.

 Sensing this, Renji snorted and held up his hands in mock surrender. “Whatever ya say.” Orihime looked up and blinked at both of them in confusion.

 “Ichigo!” exclaimed Rukia suddenly, most of her still hidden from view behind Renji, “What did you do to your hair?”

 He knew she couldn’t see his eyes but that didn’t stop Ichigo from rolling them anyway. “What, you just noticed that?”

 “I’ve been a bit preoccupied by other things today, or did you not notice that?” she answered dryly.

 Orihime smiled eagerly at Rukia. “It looks nice, doesn’t it?”

 Rukia was noticeably silent before she answered haltingly, “Uh…sure, I guess.”

 Seeing Orihime’s face fall slightly at Rukia’s not-so-enthusiastic response, Ichigo reassured her with a nonchalant wave of his hand, “Eh, don’t bother asking her opinion on this one, Orihime. She clearly prefers long hair on guys.” He looked pointedly at Renji.

 “Damn straight she does,” Renji smirked proudly with a flourished twirl to his waist-length scarlet mane.

 “N-not true! You just…happen to have long hair. That’s all!” Rukia argued back hastily.

 Even though she was fooling absolutely no one with that transparent claim, Renji still found it necessary to lean his head back at her and drawl wryly, “Oho? Then why’d I remember ya sayin’ somethin’ ‘bout my hair ‘an new uniform makin’ me irresistible the night we-“

 “RENJI!” Rukia snapped at him in warning, sounding far too frantic for someone claiming they never thought or said anything of the sort.

 He heeded her admonition and said no more about “that night” but since she couldn’t see him, Renji glanced at each human in turn and smugly mouthed, “She loves it,” while gesturing to his hair.

 A croaked gurgle sounded from Ichika and signaled feeding time was over. Renji turned and took her from Rukia while she put her clothing back into place. This time, Ichigo and Chad respectfully averted their gazes to the ceiling until a soft cough from Orihime signaled it was safe to look back.

 They watched with some fascination as Renji slung a small blue towel Rukia handed him over his shoulder and started gently patting Ichika on the back when he had her settled upright against it. Though “tapping” was a more accurate way of describing it since he could only fit two of his fingers on her tiny back.

 For anyone who had fought alongside Renji in battle (or fought him directly), this was a strange sight…the same guy they’d witnessed punch through walls and chuck his enemies almost a football field away with those massive powerful hands of his, now using them to handle this delicate little baby as softly as if she were made of spun sugar.

 Ichigo didn’t realize he was staring until Renji looked at him strangely and grunted, “What?” Shortly after, Ichika let out a quiet burp.

 “Nothing. You just…actually look like a dad right now,” he admitted with a casual shrug. Renji raised an eyebrow questioningly. Ichigo could tell he was putting on a face as blankly dull as he could make, however when he laid Ichika over his arm to re-adjust her wrappings and gently brushed his hand over her wispy red hair he was no longer able to hold back the proud smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

 As if this suddenly jogged her memory, Orihime gasped and jumped up off the bed. “Oh! Renji-kun, could you bring her here and sit next to Rukia-san? I promised Ishida-kun I’d send pictures since he couldn’t come.” She produced her phone from her jacket pocket and backed away several paces.

 Nodding cheerfully, Renji took her vacant spot and reached around Rukia to pull her close until he had both his girls securely gathered up into one big family cuddle. Startled and visibly annoyed by Renji’s spontaneous act of physical affection (in front of their friends, no less) Rukia immediately whipped her head up and tried to shoot him a Look. One tender smile and a loving squeeze to her elbow from him, however, and she was soon quietly snuggled into the embrace, even relenting enough to lay her head on his chest. Ichika proceeded to fall back asleep in the warm nest of her parents’ entwined arms.

 While Orihime held up her phone and told them to say a bunch of nonsense words before taking the picture, Chad leaned over to Ichigo with a low hum and commented, “They’re a good looking family, huh?”

 “Yeah.” Ichigo nodded and watched Orihime snap multiple shots. “They really are, I gotta admit.”

 Chad regarded him thoughtfully for a moment. “I wonder…” he paused and glanced over at Orihime, sitting happily with Renji and Rukia as the three of them admired the batch of photos she’d just taken.

 Ichigo eyed him suspiciously. “…What?”

 Chad smiled and crossed his arms over his massive chest. “Oh, nothing.”

 Ichigo knew his friend well enough to recognize that type of smile meant it actually wasn’t nothing, but he was prevented from calling him out on it by the boisterous arrival of a group of all-too-familiar Shinigami. After dodging several tipsy greetings (and discreetly questioning why the hell so many of them were that drunk this early), the three human visitors decided it would be best to take their leave.

 To be more precise, two of the human visitors decided it would be best to take their leave while working to persuade the reluctant third, as she kept prolonging her goodbyes in an effort to stay with the baby as long as possible.

 “Come by any time you want! We’re off duty for the next three months!” Rukia called out as they walked out the door. With one last wave goodbye at Ichika, now buried within the midst of a new throng of admirers, Orihime gladly assured her they would.

 The entire journey back through the Dangai, she could not stop talking about baby Ichika. And astonishingly, Byakuya now seemed openly keen to hear all the good things she had to say about his niece.

 “I’ve never seen a tinier baby before! The way Renji-kun held her in his hand…it was so cute! And you were right, Byakuya-san, her eyes looked just like Rukia-san’s! So much of her looked just like Rukia-san! And Renji-kun, too.” Orihime sighed happily and gazed at the photos pulled up on her phone. “Oh, she’s going to be so pretty when she gets older! Don’t you think?” She looked up and addressed Byakuya directly with this question.

 Byakuya nodded politely to her in agreement as she rambled on but once she switched her attention back to the photos, he turned slightly away and quietly sighed, “If she takes after her mother, ” under his breath.

 Ichigo, being the only one who heard him say this, quickly stifled his laugh with a rough cough that sent his hell butterfly reeling and almost crashing antennae-first into the wall of the tunnel. Byakuya said nothing but shot him a subtle warning glare as it fluttered back into place.

 The sky was starting to darken when they finally stepped back into the Living World as the doors closed on Byakuya’s retreating back and the small flock of butterflies that followed. Orihime was staying with the Kurosaki’s for dinner that night so Chad said his goodbyes as well and left them together outside of Ichigo’s house.

 Ichigo surveyed Orihime, flushed from the cold and shivering slightly. Without thinking, he shrugged off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. She looked up at him in surprise. “Oh, Ichigo-kun…I’m fine, really! But aren’t you going to be cold now?”

 “Nah. I’ve got extra layers on,” Ichigo assured her, “besides, we’re going inside aren’t we? It won’t be for long”

 “Ah, yes…you’re right.” Orihime smiled and held the jacket around herself. She really looked cute wearing his clothes, even if they were a little big on her. He couldn’t help the smile that broke out when he thought this, and actually almost didn’t notice he was doing it at first. If the way she bashfully bit her lip and pulled the jacket tighter was any indication, Orihime definitely noticed.

 “Ichigo-kun?”

 “Yeah?”

 It was getting hard to see in the twilight but he could still make out the way Orihime pursed her lips and gazed at him with an expression that could only be described as hopeful. She started, “Seeing Ichika-chan…and seeing all of them together…it made me think…” Suddenly she blushed and turned away from him.

 “What?” Ichigo asked, genuinely interested to hear what she was going to say.

 After a moment, she hummed softly and tried again.

 “Ah, it’s just that…Renji-kun and Rukia-san seemed a bit different. But it wasn’t in a bad way. Even for Renji-kun,” Orihime murmured thoughtfully. She laughed a bit and looked back up at him. “Becoming a parent really changes you, huh?”

 The memories of Rukia cooing and fussing over her daughter and Renji frolicking about like some giant red and black rabbit played back in his mind, much like the movie they were supposed to see that day.

 “Yeah,” Ichigo snorted rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, “But don’t worry, Orihime. I don’t think we’ll change too much. I swear I’m not gonna get as dopey as Renji. Or my old man. And you’re already kind of the mothering type, right? At least Karin and Yuzu seem to think that. So you won’t be too different, either. Although…”

 He trailed off. Orihime’s mouth had dropped wide open and she was staring at him in shock.

 Automatically fearing he’d said the wrong thing, Ichigo frantically scrambled to think of a way to fix it when he realized it wasn’t what he said, it was the implication of what he said that his girlfriend was reacting to.

 Because he had just insinuated he was certain they would have children together in the future.

 Nearby, the streetlamps had started flickering on. Ichigo felt his face flare up right along with them and this time he was the one blushing and turning away from her. With a loud cough, he attempted to pull himself together and ended up awkwardly stammering out, “Oh…uh…I…that was…I just…”

 “Do you really mean that?”

 Caught off guard by her question, Ichigo froze. He knew by her tone of voice she wasn’t talking about believing parenthood wouldn’t change them. But did he really have an answer for what she was asking him? And if he did, was it too soon? What should he say to her? He didn’t know any of these things. Yet something compelled him to address it in some way and so, slowly, he turned back around to face her.

 Orihime was staring at the ground now, shyly twisting the ends of her long silky hair in the fingers of one hand while keeping his jacket in place with the other. The bright streetlamps made it much easier to see and the more he looked, the more they cast her in an ethereal glow and gave her the extraordinary appearance of a being emanating pure light. Or that could have been because on her face there was a smile: The same soft shining smile she wore when she looked so beautiful and peaceful cradling Ichika in her arms.

 In that instant, he was sure.

 Ichigo took a deep breath.

 “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Author’s Notes: Orihime...what can I say about her? Such a loving caring sweetheart. XD I do have a lot of fun writing characters with snark and sass but it’s always nice to write characters who don’t have a mean bone in their body. I have no doubt that in canon she was genuinely excited and happy for her friends and fell in love with Ichika the moment she met her. And yes I do believe each couple had met the other’s kid at some point before chapter 686. It was just the children themselves had never met each other since Ichika had obviously never been to the Living World (Rukia’s comment on how she’d been given “special permission” to come to the Living World now that she was a Shinigami Apprentice) and Ichigo and Orihime had probably never taken Kazui to Soul Society since he was so young.

Renji and Rukia were probably a little awkward and clumsy as parents at first since they most likely had no experience with infants (or if they had, it’d been a while) but I have no doubt they quickly got the hang of it.

That’s all, folks! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this little passion project of mine. Please feel free to share/reblog/leave comments+suggestions. :)

INDEX

COVER

PART I - The Reception

PART II - The Threshold

PART III - The Culmination

PART IV - The Issue

PART V - The Denial

PART VI - The Relay

PART VII - The Wait

PART VIII - The Delivery

[paperwayne]

worldy things.

50 Wordless Ways to Say “I Love You” ➡ 21. Sharing your umbrella with them in the rain.

Pairing: Titans!Rachel Roth x Reader

Word Count: 1,232 words

Warning: Religious themes

Rachel tries to make herself invisible at church.

Churches are houses of God, after all – and whatever she is housing, it is the opposite of holy, restless in her legs, itching anxiously in her chest as she sits in the pew and lets the sermon scrape the inside of her damned skull; but she stays, if only for Mom, who plunges herself into religious routine like it’s the only thing that can save them.

(So far, no luck.)

“Want some gum?”

“Sure.”

But even if church turns out to be a bunch of baloney (she banishes this thought immediately just in case it’s not), Rachel is still glad that you’re here.

Most of the members avoid talking to her. Just like the last church, they had said hello for the first attendance, eyes raking over her black clothes and black nail polish and purple hair, and figured that she was another poor, devil-worshipping teenager –

(We’re so glad you’re joining us today

We’re so glad to be here)

– and even now, Raven forces a smile as uncertainty and pity crawls from their hands to hers when she shakes them at the church door. And hey, it’s better than what she gets at school, but pity doesn’t make her feel like any less of a freak.

“… I have some Snickers, too,” you whisper as the speaker continues, pulling a handful of candy out of your pocket. “Want some?”

Rachel holds out a hand. You press one Snickers Minis into her palm out of sight of Mom, looking straight ahead during the deal. Mischief and boredom and friendliness spark underneath her skin at the contact. She squeezes her fingers around the chocolate (it’s an ‘R’), pleased, and stuffs it into her bag for later.

The sermon goes on. She keeps quiet again, listening as best she can; the preacher has a kind aura but talks for way too long, and she only grasps some of his points before getting swept up in boredom again. The verses for today are easy to understand, anyway. (If only the message translated better in real life.)

“Love is patient, love is kind …”

Rachel glances to the side, through the window. The world outside is gray and dim – it’s going to rain.

Mom didn’t bring an umbrella.

By the time the postlude starts playing, the gum is tough and flavorless between her teeth. You lead Rachel out of the sanctuary when your mom starts talking to someone and her mom goes to talk to the pastor.

“Let’s go outside.”

“Are you sure? It’s pretty bad out there.”

Finger guns. “Brought an umbrella.”

You disappear into the coatroom, then pop back out with said umbrella, and the two of you push the doors open to the thick, sharp sound of rain bursting against concrete.

Rachel does not mind the rain too much. In fact, she usually likes it so long as it’s not thundering badly. A harsh storm, raindrops sharp, air heavy and fresh – it’s probably the closest thing she’s ever felt to true peace. Purity.

Up goes the umbrella. Out into the rain go you and Rachel.

“Whoo,” you say. “It feels like hail.”

“Hell?”

“Hail,” you enunciate with a snort. “Rain is, like, the opposite of hell.”

Your tennis shoes are already soaked, and so are the edges of your pants. Rachel had always wondered why you only dressed halfway for church, pairing a nice, ironed shirt and khakis with those old, scuffed-up shoes, but she’s figured that it’s not important enough to ask. The soles of her own shoes are pretty worn too.

When you make your way to your family’s car, you ask if she’s coming over for lunch.

“I don’t know,” Rachel replies, though she’s been craving your mom’s layered three-bean dip for the past week. “I haven’t done the geometry homework yet.”

“It’s just lunch. You can go home to work on it after.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You won’t make me stay until your mom has to kick me out?”

“What? Me? Never.”

You laugh, the umbrella slipping in your hand. Rachel grabs the handle before it falls, and her grip is right above yours, so that the coldness of your skin comes with the flash of amusement and fondness that prickles her nerves like a bad shock. She withdraws.

“So, yay or nay, Rachel?”

“I’ll ask my mom.”

Rachel catches the tail end of your slow, thoughtful nod, and she folds her arms around herself as a rain-laden breeze passes underneath the umbrella.

“She doesn’t like me, does she?”

You say it so matter-of-factly, Rachel can’t help but wince. “She just doesn’t know you like I do,” she counters honestly.

“Aww.” You grin, but it’s a little smaller than usual. “Is it because I tried to talk to you during prayer?”

Rachel shrugs, looking at the puddle at her feet. That had been an issue, but only a minor one. Mom doesn’t like you because you have a weird knack for nailing issues on the head, while Mom would rather say that everything was okay until they are. But talking about that will bring up a whole load of things that you probably shouldn’t know about.

“I’ll come over for lunch,” Rachel says. “Don’t worry.”

Looking over your shoulder, you nudge her and dig your free hand into your pocket. “Hey, who said I was worrying about anything?”

You worry about a lot of things.

“Rachel.” The sound of Mom’s voice through the rain makes Rachel’s head snap up. “There you are. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah. I mean, actually”—Rachel gestures to you hopefully—“um, can I ride with my friend to have lunch at their house?”

“You can come too, Ms. R,” you pitch in. “My mom always makes too much food.”

Mom looks very reluctant. She has her purse over her head for cover from the rain. It does a poor job. She glances over you and then at Rachel, who puts on her best, pleading look.

After a few moments of standing in the rain, she finally acquiesces. “Well, alright. Thank you for inviting Rachel for lunch. I can pick her up at three.”

“Sweet! Thanks, Ms. R.”

(Maybe ‘Ms. R’ is a bit too casual.)

“Thanks, Mom,” Rachel says, stepping out from the umbrella for just a brief second to hug her. “Uh … you should get to the car. Your clothes are getting really wet.”

“I’ve noticed,” Mom tells her resignedly. “You have fun, sweetheart. Stay safe. Be good. Call me if you need anything.”

Rachel nods quickly. “Mhmm.”

As Mom hurries off, heels clicking, you suck in a breath. “Yeah, she definitely doesn’t like me.”

“She’s glad I have a friend, at least.”

“So we are friends! I knew I could get you with junk food. You had that kinda vibe.”

Cheeks warming at your teasing coo, Rachel rolls her eyes. “Thanks.”

As your mom comes out of the church, umbrella-less just like Rachel’s and slightly irritated because of it, you turn to Rachel.

“Mario Kart after lunch?”

“Only if you want to lose.”

The car’s headlights flash, and you open the passenger door. “Ooh, okay, I see how it is. Now I’m definitely gonna beat you.”

Rachel shakes her head, slipping into the backseat. You follow soon after, folding up the umbrella and shaking it out.

“I’d like to see you try.”

[laalaaangel]

All BFU Episodes sorted into categories + additional comments by ✨me✨

Disclaimer: I’m a Shaniac, but i still get scared because i don‘t like darkness. I also think the Spirit Box is baloney.

So basically I sorted all Buzzfeed Unsolved episodes (with Ryan and Shane) into categories by how scary/depressing they are. I didn't know where to put some of them, so maybe this won’t make any sense to some of you. It is entirely subjective.

The additional comments are either thoughts I had while watching the episodes or what I actually think about the case btw.

To celebrate the show, Ryan and Shane, i had spaghetti and an apple (i couldn‘t actually make apple taters unfortunately) while watching the series finale.

Well, let’s get this started, shall we?

The creepiest episodes, I only watch these when i have a lot of light around me and it’s daytime

Annelise Michel: Very creepy, very depressing as well since she didn’t get the treatment she needed, the recordings sent a shiver down my spine, maybe i’d be less creeped out if it wasn’t for how she knew details about this valentin fleischmann dude 

3 Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons: Winchester House isn’t really scary but i hate dolls so the Island of the Dolls was a big no for me, the Sallie House remains one of the scariest places they’ve visited

Waverly Hills Hospital: The body chute is pretty much the creepiest place they’ve ever visited, also i feel sorry for the homeless man and the dog. The idea of ghost children creeps me out.

Keddie Cabin: Pretty much the creepiest True Crime Case of the Series, there‘s just something about woods, cabins and knives, also it really seems like the whole town was just… in on it? It‘s weird and disturbing (and why the fuck did they demolish the fucking crime scene when the case is still being worked on today i don‘t get it)

Eastern State Penitentiary: In terms of evidence this episode is definitely one of the most compelling ones. I still don‘t believe in ghosts tho.

Hannah Williams: Shane looks so done with everything lmao. This is one of my fav episodes, so many good moments but i always get really creeped out. It’s really admirable how brave Ryan got.

Old City Jail: Hands down, this is one of the best episodes imo but that evidence isn’t compelling at all to me. Ryans manical mental breakdown is the scariest thing about this episode.

Conjuring House: Those fucking dolls i swear to god, one day imma die of a heart attack when watching these. Shane is above the devil confirmed! I absolutely DETEST the placing of the fucking mannequin this season... i did not just witness them pretending to be cats💀 i‘m ngl this episodes i really creepy af- SHANE DRANK THE FUCKING HOLY WATER! ok but honestly even without the « it’s haunted » bs who would willingly live on this farm?

Pythian Castle: I actually think this castle is really nice tbh. APPLE TATER IT SAID APPLE TATER!!! ... i didn‘t hear spaghetti tbh but i love seeing them so excited. oh PLEASE let Shane destroy the spirit box at the end of the series! 

Sallie House: „who knows“ Shaneee I'm surprised!😲 Well five minutes in and ryan is already going mad, I wouldn't have expected anything else. The scariest thing about this place is the ugly kitchen interior tbh. That animated bit of the little girl turning into this ugly whatever this is gonna haunt me in my nightmares and the reason why this episode is in this category. I swear Father Thomas looks like one of my old teachers! They ARE the best ghost hunters to ever live! ...imagine walking past the house, not knowing they‘re filming and hearing Ryans laugh...YES SHANE DESTROY THE SPIRIT SHIT BOX! Ryan stop making me cry😭 A DOCUMENTARY AIRS ON NOVEMBER 24TH???

I definitely wouldn’t watch these at night because they’re either scary (but not the scariest) or depress me too much

Queen Mary

Whaley House

Bobby Mackey’s

Lizzie Borden: Yeah i can’t believe people wrote fanfics about them but the conspiracy theory does make sense in a way I guess, also the pics of the corpses are gruesome and not something I ever wished to see.

Dauphine Orleans Hotel: The drawing of the lost bride haunts me in my dreams, otherwise this episode would be in another category.

Voodoo World of New Orleans: fucking DOLLS again

Axeman of New Orleans: Yeah no one wants to get murdered with an axe and the idea of this dude is creepy as hell even if he’s incapable of actually killing all of his victims like how hard can it be to murder someone with an axe when they’re asleep

Murder in Room 1046: Very strange case, creepy to imagine, also the birth episode of Ricky Goldsworth! I think the Mafia did it but yeah, overall just a very creepy case.

Vulture Mine: If it weren‘t for the school building scene then this would be one category below because… glory hole

Goatmans Bridge: Goatman and the bridge don‘t scare me but the idea of cultists in woods does. Definitely one of my fav episodes, if not my favourite, a lot of iconic moments in this one

Pennhurst Asylum: Shane being Shane keeps this episode from joining the scariest category. And no front to Ryan but the audio recorder „evidence“ is the absolute least compelling ghost evidence i‘ve ever heard lmao (this is also the first BFU supernatural episode i‘ve ever watched)

Roanoke Colony: Look it‘s really just the moving mannequin, i could not watch that at night at all, the episode itself isn’t that creepy. Mainly because two of Ryans theories were aliens and zombies.

London Tombs: ...Shane predicted the pandemic💀 I know I said it already but dolls are just creepy as fuck but it‘s funny bc they‘re essentially just yelling at toys. Scary is maybe not the right word to describe this episode but it certainly is disturbing.

Jack the Ripper: I feel like it was either Barnett or an unknown police officer, but to quote Shane: „let it be a mystery“.

Cleveland Torso Murders: Gruesome, but the real mystery here is which beheaded british royal Ryan was referring to (I love history ok) because there are several that would qualify (and no it can‘t be Anne Boleyn, i think he was referring to Mary, Queen of Scots)

Texarkana Phantom Killer: i hate this case, i feel like this dude just got away with it and i hate it

Jamison Family: woods again and I think the reenactment is creepy as hell

Rolling Hills Asylum: I don’t believe in ghosts but i like to think that if they were real, the ghoul boys made Roy really happy by playing opera music

Bellaire House: “Spaghetti” “Apple Tater”

Ohio State Penitentiary: I absolutely love Shane in this episode and i love Ryan forgetting the spirit box and having to go back after insulting the air ghosts on his way out

Moon River Brewing: „His mind is his own worst enemy. And it‘s my greatest Ally.“ <- Demon Shane really came out here. This place is so so not haunted lmao i almost always feel like they‘re talking to air but this time it was just so clear like… but i hate it when they edit the eyes of anything red, it‘s so creepy, especially when you‘re half asleep when watching it (Note after watching the Houdini episode: i wrote that it wasn‘t haunted before Ryan said that it isn‘t so my guts were right haha)

Sorrel-Weed Haunted Mansion: What a shame Ryans camera didn’t actually catch anything but darkness, i love how the suspense music just leads up to absolutely nothing.

Black Dahlia Murder Revisited: This case makes me physically sick, George Hodel is definitely guilty, i fucking hate this dude and the fact that he was able to live his life after all the shit he did

Annabelle the Doll: I fucking hate dolls- Ryan: basically you just have to respect her *cut to shane* i will say, i do not respect you💀 one of my absolute favourite BFU scenes ever

St. Augustine Lighthouse: “not to say he’s like my daddy or something… “ is Ryan aware that some people write fanfics about them lol

USS Yorktown: is Shane having an existential crisis? Also am i the only one who doesn’t see shit? Like where does Ryan see a shadowy figure please I really want to see it

Villisca Ax Murder House: Being murdered like that is like one of my biggest fears ngl. I’m kinda surprised Ryan doesn’t believe in unicorns and Shane reaction to that is exactly the same as mine! Also if Shane actually checks every room before he goes to sleep to make Sara feel safe that’s so adorable!

Loey Lane: I love Loeys collection of Minnie Mouse ears! Shane acting possessed gets me every time... Shane teaching Ryan how to floss💀

Farnsworth House Inn: I am SO here for them insulting confederate ghosts! I can’t with them trying to be babies😂 Well if it wasn’t haunted before… Shane might have made it haunted tbh. Also manic Ryan is back.

Morris-Jumel Mansion: …how is that one of their best pieces of evidence😭 there are literally several possible explanations as to what could have caused the whistling sounds before it‘s a ghost 

A bit scary and/or depressing, i wouldn’t watch these at night 

OJ Simpson: Just depressing, i personally think OJ did it and got away with it and it’s a prime example of how everything that could’ve gone wrong in the process went wrong, in every aspect.

Illuminati: I  don’t believe in it but the idea is creepy.

Michelle von Emster: That poem is a fucking atrocity and drowning is one of my biggest fears.

Sodder Children: Sad as fuck, the salesman dude was definitely in on it, i hope the family and children found peace.

Salem Witch Trials: The misogyny of this time period makes me furious ngl

Boy in the Box: It’s not really creepy (well the picture of the boy kinda is) but i feel so sorry for the boy.

JonBenét Ramsey: Sad case. It’s sick how many old men were obsessed with her. I think it was the brother btw, he accidentally killed her and the family covered it up. But then again this episode also brought us the “i’ve connected the dots” meme. Oh and it‘s the first BFU episode i‘ve ever watched btw

Colchester Castle

William Desmond Taylor: The reenactment is kinda creepy ngl but  we have the most iconic Ricky Goldsworth appearance in this episode!

Louis Le Prince: Thomas Edinson sucks this guy is guilty as fuck, if not of murder then of being a terrible human being and a thief. Very sad case.

Villa Montezuma Mansion: ...but did he poop himself?

Collar Bomb Bank Robbery: i hate  e v e r y t h i n g  about this case

Bobby Dunbar: I feel bad for Julia Anderson, strange  that they didn‘t compare the DNA to an Anderson DNA sample as well

Winchester Mansion Revisited: I love the flashbacks to the first episode, Shane is such a mood in this episode lol

Mission Solano: The alarm going off will never not be funny💀 i love Shane in this episode so much

Yuma Territorial Prison: Shane really isn‘t having it with the ghosts this season lol also what do you mean you shut the terrified part of your brain off like how😀

Town of Tombstone: „It has been an honor to meet you, sir“ „HORSESHOES“ Shane you are KILLING me💀 can I just say that I think this episode is criminally underrated

The Watcher: Shane and me have a similar way of thinking, two seconds after i thought the whole neighbourhood could be in on it like in Hot Fuzz Shane  mentions it lmao also i wonder what Ryans dad thinks about the running gag of him cutting someones head off and yes Ryan, i‘d be scared too if i saw your face smiling like that in my window

Florida Machete Murder: Being murdered like that is one of my biggest fears, this is the episode Ryan realised that Shane is a demon

Walter Collins: The  movie based on this case is really good, fucked a bit with my mind though (it’s called Changeling!) anyways FUCK JJ Jones and the police and FUCK Gordon Northcott, that guy can rot in hell

Viper Room: That is not how you pronounce Schwarzenegger, Ryan. Am i the only one who wants to go clubbing there? "now i’m in your hole”Ryan honestly💀 Shane is really on a new level of done with ghost hunting in this season lol

Thelma Todd: she sounds so cool i would love to be able to talk to her and i HATE to say it but Lucky Luciano could get it

Who put Bella in the Whych Elm?: Ryans lack of science knowledge is the scariest part about this episode although the story is creepy

Marilyn and Sam Sheppard: good movie.

Flannan Isles Lighthouse Keepers: their scottish accent💀 I just know that Ryan only mentioned the aliens to annoy Shane... isn’t there a Brothers Grimm tale about men turning into birds? 

Cynthia Anderson: I just feel so bad for her, i hope she just ran away (like what if she ran away and left that particular page in the book open to suggest otherwise?)

Mary Celeste: I just love the music they used in this episode. Shane is right, why feminize a ship like even in german it‘s neutral and not female (das schiff, das boot…)! Shanes impression of a german pirate💀 „or it‘s a zooboat and the monkeys got out“ literally what?- I just love it when Ryan starts with the aliens and then doesn‘t elaborate. I don‘t like this case it‘s so fucking weird

Princess Diana: I‘m not even into the british royal family but i love Diana, she seemed really nice and i hope she‘s in a better place now. „Princess Dianas future husband“ the shade💀Honestly Charles is just a walking red flag

Not extremely scary but I wouldn't watch these at night

Gloria Ramirez: The only thing that spooked me a little bit is how affected the staff seemed to be.

Mary Reeser: The possibility of dying like that is unsettling.

3 Cases of Ancient Aliens

Bizzarre Road Trip of a Missing Family

Amelia Earhart: “Let me spin you a yarn that you shan‘t soon forget. i‘m being eaten alive by crabs right now.”

Natalie Wood: Drowning is a fear of mine as well. I don’t know what to think of this case, my guts say Wagner is guilty but my head says it was probably just a very unfortunate accident since they were all drunk as fuck. Also Shoutout to Dr. Lakshmanan Sathyavagiswaran.

Poisoned Pill Murders: new fear unlocked

3 Cases of Alien Abduction

Viaduct Tavern: Shanes laughing fit at the execution breakfast is really relatable, I think it’s great.

Isdal Woman: Yeah my brother almost killed me when i watched this; he opened my closed door very quietly and just stared at me through the small space between door and wall until i noticed. I almost had a heart attack

Mothman: I mean a good chunk of this video is them being tourists and screeching like possessed people, it’s iconic

Phoenix Lights Phenomenon

Jimmy Hoffa: I think Sheeran killed Hoffa… maybe i should finally watch The Irishman but it’s so looooong!

Eight Day Bride: I love Shane saying „heteronormative bullshit“ and him thinking like Christina in the beginning, this is one of my fav episodes

Poisoning of an Ex-Russian Spy: I constantly switched between „what‘s wrong with Shane“ and „Shane is a mood“ during those 21 minutes

Charles C. Morgan: The Hot Daga finally made it into the main show! Also the police is sus af

Reykjavík Confessions: Almost missed this one bc it‘s not in the all episodes playlist smh i should start watching them by seasons, I don’t even know which episode belongs to which season tbh. Anyway, i don‘t like this case one bit.

Australian Shark Arm Murders: Did anyone count the puns? The shark is the real victim here. I love australian Shane ngl

Bugsy Siegel: Love me some unsolved mob cases. Did you know that the character of Moe Greene in “The Godfather” was inspired by Bugsy Siegel?

Vincent Van Gogh: I really just feel bad for him tbh, i adore his art style.

Dorothy Arnold: YOU’RE MY FRIEND but make it threatening. No but Shane wanting to go to Antarctica is actually a mood! THE JOHN GALVIN STORY💀

Edgar Allan Poe: I feel a little bit sorry for him, i’d feel more sorry if he didn’t marry his 13 year old cousin

Lady of the Dunes: WHAT DO U MEAN YOU DON’T LIKE DOGS SHANE and damn yes we on tumblr are supportive as hell of your show

Somerton Man Revisited: Well now, if i ever have children, i’ll make them believe i’m a spy. All jokes aside tho i’d love to see this case get solved but then again which case wouldn't we like to see get solved

Harry Houdini: Damn i would‘ve loved to see him perform live!

George Reeves: Yeah i actually hope Shane and Ryan won’t ever do cameo bc cameo kinda weirds me out tbh (don’t come at me pls) but hey! as long as everyone is happy. Every time Ryan mentions his katana it adds ten years to my life span. This is a strange case and i doubt it was suicide tbh

Monster with 21 Faces: Look i‘m not rooting for then but i love the police bashing

Judge Joseph F. Crater: „I’ve never worn a bow tie, i will never wear a bow tie“ Shane your twitter profile pic used to be you wearing a bow tie

Alfred Loewenstein: wait that Brussel sprout pun was actually funny😭It must‘ve been murder, i‘m 99% sure! Shane why, aliens really 😶

I’d probably be able to watch this late at night (but that doesn’t mean i would try)

DB Cooper: iconic episode, interesting and also kinda funny case we all know Loki is DB Cooper

Bigfoot

Bermuda Triangle: atlantis go brrrrr aReA 51

JFK: I mean, it‘s just really not a creepy episode and we all know governments and such are sus af

Roswell‘s Bizzare UFO Crash

Legend of Krampus: lol yes i included this, i love the references to other cases

Gardner Museum Heist

Killing of Ken Rec McElroy: fuck this guy, this episode is so satisfying

Alcatraz Prison Break: i love this one because the plan is just so good and possibly no one got hurt? idk i like to imagine they made it

Treasure Hunt of Forrest Fenn: I envy Forrest Fenn, i love history and archaeology but tbh I have to agree with Shane, it is stealing (unless it was fairly traded or paid for), love how Shane is ready to fight the lawyer lol he‘s so enthusiastic about all of this, i love the research montage, the way Shane looked at Ryan when he came out in the Indiana Jones outfit, i just love this episode so much

3 Videos from the Pentagon‘s Secret UFO Program: Honestly if more people were like Shane we‘d have a lot less problems in the world. „there are people crazier than me-„ are you sure about that Ryan

Hidden Secrets of Area 51: Ryan really likes touching his nipples apparently. What in the anarchy is Shanes thought process like, i’d love to know- licking the case file😭

Pink Panthers: They kinda remind me of the La Casa de Papel gang tbh

Agatha Christie: well now i wanna reread murder on the orient express

Unsolved Almost 70th Episode Retrospective:

Jack the Ripper is a pretty good episode but i don‘t think i‘d place it in my top five

i love the deleted bits so much

agreed, Waverly is one of the, if not THE creepiest place they‘ve visited

oh yes DB Cooper would definitely be in my top five (now even more after watching Loki)

oh here we go top five evidence…

hmm yeah i liked the dog but i‘ll only believe in ghosts if i see a full body apparition in front of me when i‘m in a normal state of mind

nah the spirit box just doesn‘t do it for me

the footsteps? really?

the ball was coincidence imo but imma give them that: it was creepy

not the flashlights- ryan the diagram doesn‘t help you lmao

i have to be honest: i haven‘t watched the episodes with Brent

Waverly is a great episode, probably also in my top five (at least if it‘s only supernatural)

FATHER THOMASSSSSS! he sounds like a disappointed dad

Goatman episode is definitely in my top five

First episode it’s understandable that this is in the fans favourite, i love it too but i‘m not sure if it would be in my top five, top ten yeah, but top five? idk

it‘s weird seeing this last scene in a pandemic

Well it‘s been a ride. I haven‘t been part of their journey since the beginning unfortunately, but i got into Buzzfeed Unsolved in 2018, so i‘m not a complete newbie either. This show got me through a time when i wasn‘t doing well mentally and i can‘t thank Ryan, Shane and everyone who was involved in the making of Buzzfeed Unsolved enough for this. It’s truly the end of an era. Ryan & Shane, i‘ll see you on Watcher! @wearewatcher

And to answer the question „Are ghosts real?“ …i‘m still gonna have to go with no. But since my opinion on this isn‘t the only one that matters, the question will remain… Unsolved.

[dailyaudiobible]

11/03/2019 DAB Transcript

Ezekiel 7:1-9:11, Hebrews 5:1-14, Psalms 105:1-15, Proverbs 26:28

Today is the 3rd day of November. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian. It's great to be here with you today as we launch into the first full week of the 11th month of this year and daylight savings time. So, hopefully your clocks are changed. This is the time of year that is not my favorite because of that time change because it starts getting dark so early. And by the time Christmas comes around it’ll be getting dark at 430 in the afternoon here in Tennessee, but this is where we are in our year, and we’ll just continue our journey forward day-by-day. We’ll read from the Contemporary English Version this week and continuing in the book of Ezekiel. We’ll read chapters 7, 8, and 9 today.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for bringing us into the 11th month of this year. And as we…as we begin the first full week of this month, we are again thankful. We look back and we see all that You have spoken to us over these last days and weeks and months and we feel the transformation happening because of it. And, so, we worship You here in the beginning of this month and we invite Your Holy Spirit into everything that we will do, everything will say, everything we will think, all of the encounters that we will have this month, all the people that we we’ll engage with, that aren’t even on our radar at this point. May they see Jesus in us. May we reveal Your kingdom in all that we are. Come Holy Spirit into this we ask. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, its for sure where you find out what’s going on around here. So, be sure to stay connected as we move ourselves into this 11th month of the year.

So, we had to change our clocks, right? Daylight savings time. And that just makes…like one of my least favorite parts of the year because here in the rolling hills of Tennessee, where we sit is very very near the time zone line, so it starts getting dark early. Tonight, it will be probably pitch dark by 5pm and by Christmas by 430. So, not my not my very favorite, but we…we adjust to these rhythms and I guess this is where we are in the year and we’ll continue to move forward together.

And speaking of moving forward together, if you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible. I humbly, deeply, gratefully thank you. We wouldn't be here if we weren't in this together. So, I thank you profoundly for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app there's a Give button in the upper right hand corner or the mailing address, if that is your preference, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if  you have a prayer request or comment you can press the Hotline button that's in the app, the little red button at the very very top of the app screen or there are a number of numbers, phone numbers that you can use depending on where you are in the world. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to call. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 and if you are in Australia or that part of the world 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to call.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello this makes the third time I’ve called in and I’m calling in out of desperation and I don’t mean to be selfish. This is Mark from Columbus. You know I called in last week. I ended up in the hospital last week really kind of fearful because today and yesterday I’ve…I’ve bounced and I’ve never called…I’ve never come to…I felt worse today then yesterday the I did when I came…then I did when I came to the hospital. And __ is serious business, I guess. But I need the prayers of you DAB…of the DABber family. I need the closeness, I need their warmth, their compassion, I need the love that…that…that comes from you guys. I need…I need that closeness. And I just pray Lord that…that these prayers, that goes up to heaven would be…results in God’s will being done in my life, whatever it may be…whatever that may be. And I want to thank you guys for your love. I thank God for his unconditional love, mercy, and grace. I just pray that you guys would lift up my needs…

Hi family this is Cherry from Southern California, haven’t called in a few months but today I was listening to the prayer requests and I heard Shannon from Aberdeen South Dakota and she was calling, and I could just hear just the sadness and just the distraught-ness in her voice. And Shannon I just want to let you know that, you know, we are gonna be praying for you and the Scripture that came to mind when you __ your prayer request was that, you know, God did not come to condemn us, He came to save us and it’s not about being perfect, you know, because we’re emotional people as well but we’re also spiritual. And God says that, you know, when we accept Him, we are a new creature in Him. But it doesn’t mean that we’re not gonna falter. It doesn’t mean that we’re not gonna, you know, sometimes, you know, lose our anger and so forth. And you were talking about your son and…and…all of the disrespect, and you arguing with him, and, you know, you kinda of started arguing, you yelling at your two younger children. We all have done things like that but the one thing we have to remember is God is not condemning us. And, so, don’t condemn yourself. Just pick yourself up and say, “you know what, I’m gonna hold God’s hand and I’m gonna keep marching on. I’m not gonna despair. I gonna put everything in God’s unchanging hand and His ability to be the impossible, His ability to do miracles in our lives.” So, Shannon I’m gonna be praying for you, praying for your son as well to just, you know, remember who God said that He could, I think it’s in Ephesians where when we honor our parents, you know, our days will be long in life. It’s like the first…it’s the first promise in the word of God. So, I’m gonna be praying a blessing over his life and your life and your family’s life. So just keep your faith. Hold onto Jesus Christ Shannon.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible. This is Jason from Baton Rouge. This is my second time calling in. I called in a few days ago, maybe two days ago with a prayer request. And today I heard Melissa’s prayer on the audio and man my heart goes out to her. You know, she connected with her birth father but she mentioned her struggles with the adrenal gland and I just wanted to pray for her because I also only have one adrenal gland remaining. Mine was removed just like hers from a tumor three years ago and the Lord is sustaining me. It is challenging but the Lord will bring life. So, I just want to lift you up Melissa and give speak life right now. In Jesus’ name I speak life and full health to Your remaining right adrenal gland. May it fully come to life. May You not need the steroid hormones anymore. In Jesus’ name I just speak complete healing and complete restoration to Your body, to Your mind, to Your soul, and to Your spirit in Jesus’ name. I thank You Father for Your amazing grace and the fact that You have restored her  to her birth Father and that You’re restoring all things and that this restoration to her birth Father is simply a foreshadowing of the restoration that You are doing in her body and her adrenal gland in Jesus’ name we pray. Thank You, Father. God bless you Melissa.

Hi family this is Kim the pediatrician from Eastern Kentucky and I’m traveling today and I just left Lexington and that made me think of Christie from Kentucky and then I think there’s been another sister from Lexington area that has called in. And I’m currently in Chicago and that made me think of Asia from Chicago whose called in. And I’m heading to Denver and that made me think of Cara who just called in a few days ago requesting prayer for her boyfriend who says he knows Jesus but by his actions I don’t think he really knows him as Lord. And, so, I’m praying for him and I’m just thinking of you all as I’m traveling all over the United States and in those cities. And I’m headed to see my birth mother who I haven’t seen in about 10 years in Mountavista Colorado. And I just want to pour in Jesus to her. She’s 82 years old and our relationship is different, but God knows. I have a Reframe to give her and I’m just asking for your all’s prayers. God is before me, God is with me, and God is my rearguard and I’m thinking of what Peter and John said to the lame man - silver and gold have I none but such as I have I give unto the, in the name of Jesus. So, I just want to give her Jesus. And you all are such good prayer warriors surrounding people in that. I love you all. Blessings family. Bye.

Hey Marla in Albuquerque I hear you sister. Gosh, a few weeks, maybe several weeks back, you mentioned that you have a hard time with judging others, and you see that, and you repented of that but it’s a difficult issue. I have the same issue. I’m older, my name is Seeker of northern California and as I get older, I think I get tireder. I get…think we get tireder…and we don’t want to deal with baloney because were just tired but I think the biggest thing is if we pray and we watch our behaviors cause I noticed if I keep my behavior honorable then eventually my attitude swings around more to what is honorable and is right and is following Jesus. So, I’m…I’m been praying for you Miss Marla of Albuquerque and I continue to please ask for prayers for my daughter who’s the law enforcement officer who left her husband of 14 years. They have a four-year-old son and I just ask for prayers that there is healing and restoration. I…I…our heart is broken because of that. This is Seeker of northern California. I love you all Daily Audio Bible peeps love you. Pray when I hear the prayers. Love you. Bye.

[poorreputation]

SPN 14X17 Game Night: Notes

Summary (via IMDB)

Sam and Dean race to help a friend in need. Meanwhile, Mary is concerned for Jack's wellbeing, and Castiel enlists help from Jo/Anael to track down a miracle.

Written by: Meridith Glynn

Tagging those interested: @evvvissticante @verobatto-angelxhunter @metafest @emblue-sparks @thegalwhorants @sudo-apt-get-destiel @wildligia (tumblr’s not letting me tag you, but I hope you can see this) 

Spoilers under the cut:

Pre Episode Notes:

Rumor has it that Mary will die. Episode promo showed Cas telling Jo/Anael he's looking for God. Nick's in the episode, too. Will Mary die, how/by who? Jack? Nick?

According to meta readings, as early as the S14 premier, Mary's gonna die. So, how do I feel about that? Not good. I mean, they went through the trouble of Sister-Deus ex Machina-ing her back to life. And, while they've done more with her character development over the past two seasons than was ever expected for her, that doesn't make the thought of her dying suck any less.

Episode Notes:

-Donny's making cookies! Oh. Oh dear. Theory; someone's just injected a soul-substitute into Donny. [Edit from the future: that's a lot closer to the truth than I was expecting]

-Dean's playing the game. Oh my god, Dean. That's his best sonofabitch, yet.

-Mary talks with Jack. Sam's out for pizza.

-Dean gets a missed call from Donatello. Sounds like he's speaking in Enochian. [It's actually ancient Hebrew]

-Cas is meeting with Anael. He's bribing her with jewelry. He wants her help to talk to God. She was Joshua's right hand, and God only ever talked to Joshua.

-Anael can take Cas to a contact. Totes not a trap. [It wasn't!]

-Mary's gone with Dean. Maybe Jack won't kill her? Oh no, she's talking about her flaws and trying to patch things up with Dean, she's gonna die, oh shit.

-Luci's walking the earth (according to Donatello's language)? Oh, look, there's Nick/Luci.

-Well, Nick/Luci's poisoned Donatello, possibly fatally. Just to get the Winchester's attention.

-Cas and Anael go to Orlando's Emporium. Methuselah's the contact.

-Please, Sam, kick his ass. They've taken Nick to the Bunker. Please let Sam kill Nick, pleeeeeeeease.

-Nooooooooooo, Mary's having a heart-to-heart with Sam, now.

-Back to Cas and Anael. They're looking for an artifact of Joshua's to call god. Anael got demoted for using her brain, and questioning why god up and left. She just gave Cas the "we're all alone from birth to death no matter where we come from" speech.

-Dean's interrogating Nick. Nick's describing, to Dean specifically, how intoxicating it is to be one with an Angel, and once you have a taste, you can't get enough. That's... weirdly sexual. I mean, Destiel, no duh, but Nick and Luci, ew.

-Nick wants to talk to Jack.

-We're... just assuming Lucifer's not taken back his Vessel, huh? He's talking so much like Luci.

-Oh, Jack.

-Reminds me of Cas interrogating Donatello last year (Jack interrogating Nick).

-Anael says Cas is hiding the truth, that Jack's soul is gone. [She's apparently right]

-Sam and Dean head off to rescue Donny, with Nick in tow.

-IT'S THE SAMULET!!!

-Oh no, Cas' prayer to god reminds me of Dean's back in 13X01.

-Cas insists to Anael that people in this world aren't really alone, and that he certainly isn't [future me is choking right now]

-Donny was injected with Grace.

-Nick to Sam, "never get a chance to talk to you" how is this not Lucifer? [It's not, it's really not. But, I do believe they're blending his and Nick's personalities and mannerisms on purpose]

-Of course Nick's been trying to resurrect Luci.

-Sam's in too bad a way to be moved.

-Jack and Mary have caught up, and... Jack's gone full dark-side. Probably a controversial take, but Mary was right to stop Jack. I don't feel sorry for Nick at all, but Mary was right.

-And Mary may or may not be dead.

Post Episode Notes:

I'm really surprised Mary's "death" is so ambiguous. Like, I thought for sure it would be on screen... maybe she's alive after all? I checked IMDB, and while they're not done listing the cast for the remaining episodes this season, I certainly don't see Sam Smith listed, yet.

Sadly, though, Nick's not dead. After all of that, proving he's willing to unleash the Devil once more, sheesh. Again, Mary's right to stop Jack's torturing of Nick, but he was horrifically burned and maimed, killing him with a bullet to the head would've been mercy. Even then, I don't blame Mary for this, it's the rest of the writing team having to keep Buckleming busy; if they're distracted with Nick and Lucifer, then they can't fuck with anything else as much (though they'll try).

Cas, I never got the impression he was lying about Jack, just that he was holding out hope he would be okay. Maybe he even says as much in 14X18, and it's not good enough for Dean, we'll have to wait and see...

Speaking of, the preview for next week, holy moly baloney that's some ANGST. "yOu'Re DeAd tO mE." Dean you dramatic ass bitch. I honestly can't help but laugh, it's delicious story-telling irony. See? Get it? 'Cause soon Cas will be dead, from his deal with the Entity, and Dean's words will come back to haunt him, it's all so tropey. I can't wait.

Funny thing, I live-watch the show with my Mom, and when the preview got to that line, she yelled out "WHAT?!?" And I'm thinking of asking her exactly what's so shocking about that, and how often we see dialogue exchanges like this, and if it occurs more between friends, "friends" or people just on the verge of being lovers, and then the next show started. You know that new one on the CW, I think it's called Into the Dark? Yeah, it's just a hard-cut of two people boinking with some poor dog watching. Both Mom and I lost our shit watching that. Obviously, after the whole "Is Mary dead?!?" and then "Dean and Cas break-up even though they're not actually together yet?!?" we then have two people having PG-14 sex to break the mood. I just thought I should share that.

Anyway, if you read all of this, thank you! If you have anything to add, please do! If you want to be tagged in more of my SPN notes and metas, don't hesitate to say!

[mirroredprodigies]

Hands him a spray bottle. "It's holy water. Use it when the demon annoys you."

"Oh?” Surely the bottle was just another piece of latest baloney, or perhaps some water had genuinely been blessed by a priest. Unfortunately Catholic water had never done anything to dispel the devil by his shoulder.

Ciel stared at the item for a moment, before remembereing his manners.

“Well, I thank you. If nothing else, I can use it to dispel cats.” Or perhaps for the demon too, on the she second thought. It might not make him sizzle and smoke, but it would be satisfying anyway.

[letmeletmetrashyourlove]

What the Hell?

Summary: A boy with a bat meets a girl with a hockey stick and it’s love at first swing. 

Author’s Note: Surprise! I wrote like 10 pages of this and I’m not even done! So here is part one. This is mostly backstory, nothing too exciting Fun fact: Dustin’s older sister was the one who taught him to curse...

     “Dusty, what the hell are you doing!?” I investigated, watching my idiot brother scramble off the front porch equipped with his old hockey gear.

    “Shit… Shit… Shit shit shit!” He shouted, capturing my arm and dragging me into the shed with him.

    “What the fuck are y-” I began, but he shoved his hand over my mouth.

I let out an annoyed whine, smacking at his baloney scented hand,

    “Stop it!” He hissed, pointing through the crack in the shed.

Something was on our porch, slinking out the front door of the house. It was about the size of a dog, but it was scaley… and… it had a head like….

                                                Oh, fuck no.

I hadn’t seen the Demogorgon in person, but Dustin had told me about it. Showed me the drawings Will had made. With so much weird shit going on, I couldn’t just chock it up to an overactive imagination.

    “What the hell is that thing doing in our house!? I thought it was dead!?”

    “Just shut up!”  

The creature snaked down the steps, plucking the slices of baloney along the way.

    “Yes… yes… yes… come on.” Dustin urged as it inched closer and closer to the cellar door.

    “Now!” He shouted to himself, bursting out of the shed. Dustin charged at the beast, smacking it with his hockey stick and knocking it down into the cellar. He threw himself down over the hatch, tangling the chain around the handles.

    “Sorry… You ate my cat.” He exasperated.

    “That thing ate Mews?!” I wailed, “Mom is out looking for him!”

    “Well, what did you want me to tell her!? ‘Sorry, my interdimensional slug turned into a monster and ate our cat’!?” He shouted back.

    “I don’t know! Just don’t send her on a wild goose chase!” I wailed.

    “Well, Mews is the  least of our problems right now!” Dustin exasperated, taking me by the arm and leading me into the garage.

    “Find something you can use to protect us.” He instructed as he turned on his radio.

He barked orders into it as I scouted for my old hockey gear. It was a short-lived sport after I smashed my face into the glass once, I decided I was done. I pulled it from a box that was shoved back in the corner.

    “Still got your old ice skates?” I questioned Dustin as I dusted the cobwebs off.

    “Uh… Yeah.” He responded, digging them out and passing them over to me.

I found a screwdriver and loosened the blade, tossing the boot aside. I took a roll of duct tape and secured the blade onto the end of the hockey stick.

    “Why is nobody answering!?” Dustin shouted, cramming his radio back into his pocket, “Come on, let’s go see if Mike is home. He’ll know what to do.”

***

Mom had driven the car when she went out to look for Mews, so I cruised on the back of Dustin’s bike. He stopped outside the Wheeler’s house, rushing up to the door and knocking frantically. I trailed not far behind him,

Mike’s dad answered.

    “Your line has been busy for over two hours, Mr.Wheeler. Do you realize this?” Dustin questioned as Ted opened the door.

    “Oh, I do realize.” He mumbled, glancing inside to his wife who was gabbing on the phone.

    “Is Mike home?”  

    “No.” He responded.     “No? Well, where the hell is he?”

I elbowed him in the ribs, showing him an expression to say be polite.

    “Karen, where's our son?” Ted hollered into the house.

    “Will’s!” Karen returned.

    “Will's,” Ted repeated.     “No one's picking up there,” Dustin informed.

    “Nancy. What about Nancy?” I suggested.

    “Karen, where's Nancy?” Ted hollered once again.

      “Ally's!” Karen replied, sounding even more miffed than she had before.

    “Ally's. Our children don't live here anymore. You didn't know that?”

    “Seriously?” Dustin scoffed.

    “Am I done here?” Ted questioned.

    “Son of a bitch. You're really no help at all, you know that?” Dustin barked, spinning around and heading back off the porch.

    “Hey! Language!”

    “Sorry, Mr.Wheeler!” I called as the man closed the door.

Steve was striding up the driveway, a bouquet of roses in hand as he muttered something under his breath to himself.

    “Nancy isn't home!” Dustin alerted, waving the floppy-haired boy down.      “Where is she?”

    “Ally-” I started, but Dustin interrupted.

    “Doesn't matter. We have bigger problems than your love life.” Dustin sassed,  “Do you still have that bat?”

    “Bat? What bat?” Steve feigned ignorance.

    “The one with the nails!” Dustin exclaimed, his patience wearing thinner and thinner.  

    “Why?”

    “I'll explain it on the way.”     “Now?”

    “Now! Son of a bitch!” Dustin shouted, throwing his hands up in frustration.

*****

    “I’ll go first…” Steve asserted, puffing out his chest and stepping toward the cellar ahead of me.

    “Nuh uh, that thing ate my cat. I’m gonna kill it.” I interjected, raising my weapon.

    “So, you’ve never seen one of these things before… And you think you’re ready to kill one?” Steve questioned, propping his bat on his shoulder.

    “How many of these have you killed, exactly?” I rebutted.

    “All I’m saying is that I have more experience. I really think that you should stay back.”

    “Is it because she’s a girl?” Dustin questioned.

I placed my hands on my hips, raising my eyebrows as I waited for Steve’s answer.

    “What? No! Of course not… Women can do anything men can do… I’m just saying this isn’t a job for a girl…”

I cocked my head at him, my annoyance growing.

    “No. That’s not what I meant.” He sputtered, “I mean… That… Women can be physically inferior….”

    “Steve.” Dustin interrupted, “Stop digging yourself into a hole.”

Steve took his advice and quit talking,

    “Fine, ladies first.” He offered, saluting the stairs.

I crept down the creaking wooden steps, the hockey stick raised over my head. A bat went gliding past my head, making me jump.

    “Holy shit!” Steve screeched, ducking and protecting his head.

    “Wimp.” I snickered, flipping the light switch as I tiptoed down into the dirt. It was squishy and wet. I peered down to discover some purple tinted goo… Sort of like a gel.  

    “What the hell is that?” Steve asked, sinking his bat into the mess and picking out what looked like a giant snakeskin.

    “Shit!” I shouted, glancing up to see a giant hole in the cellar wall. That thing had dug its way out.

    “Now what?”  

******

    “Dustin, you should’ve killed that thing when you had the chance.” I scolded as we stepped onto the train tracks.

    “Well, there’s this new girl at school. And… I really wanted to make her think I was cool… so I wanted to show it to her.”

    “You kept something you knew was probably dangerous in order to impress a girl who you just met?” Steve asked.

    “All right, that's grossly oversimplifying things,” Dustin responded.

    “I mean, why would a girl like some nasty slug, anyway?”

    “An interdimensional slug? Because it's awesome. Right Y/N?”

    “Before it turned into a baby Demogorgon? Yeah…” I replied, tearing another handful of beef out and slapping it onto the tracks.

    “Well, even if she thought it was cool -which she didn't- I I just I don't know. I just feel like you're trying too hard.” Steve expressed.

    “Well, not everyone can have your perfect hair, all right?” Dustin mumbled.

    “It's not about the hair, man. The key with girls is just acting like you don't care.”

I let out a scoff, rolling my eyes.

    “Even if you do?”

    “Yeah, exactly. It drives them nuts.”

    “Hey… how’d that work out for you with Nancy, exactly?” I sought, having learned about a blowout fight they had at a Halloween party.

    “That was something different. Okay? Nothing to do with me.” He insisted.

Despite my occasional protest, Dustin was still enthralled by what Steve was telling him.

    “Then what?” Dustin pressed,

    “You just wait until, uh - until you feel it.”

    “Feel what?”

    “It's like before it's gonna storm, you know? You can't see it, but you can feel it, like this, uh electricity, you know?”

    “Oh, like in the electromagnetic field when the clouds in the atmosphere-”

    “No, no, no, no, no. Like a Like a sexual electricity.”

    “Oh.”

    “Hey! No teaching my brother about sexual electricity!” I interjected.

    “Hey, it’s not like I’m teaching him the birds and the bees!” Steve defended,

    “Anyway, you feel that and then you make your move.”

    “So that's when you kiss her?”

    “No, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Romeo.” He resisted, “Sure, okay, some girls, yeah, they want you to be aggressive. You know, strong, hot and heavy, like a - I don't know, like a lion.” Dustin hummed in acknowledgment.

    “But others, you gotta be slow, you gotta be stealthy, like a like a ninja.”

    “But this girl's special, you know. It's just, like, something about her.”

    “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. You're not falling in love with this girl, are you?

    “Uh, no. No.” Dustin stammered, shaking his head.

    “Okay, good. Don't.” Steve advised.

    “I won't.”

    “She's only gonna break your heart, and you're way too young for that shit.”

We walked along in silence for a few moments. The only sounds being our footsteps and the patter of raw meat hitting the tracks.

    “FabergÃ.” Steve muttered.

    “What?”

    “It's Fabergà Organics. Use the shampoo and conditioner, and when your hair's damp It's not wet, okay? When it's damp - Damp. You do four puffs of the Farrah Fawcett spray.”

I let out a strangled laugh that came bubbled up and left me sputtering

    “Farrah Fawcett spray?” I cackled.

    “Yeah, Farrah Fawcett.” Steve retorted, “You tell anyone I just told you that and your ass is grass. You're dead, Hendersons. Do you ?” He threatened.

    “You do more to your hair than I do to mine.” I snorted.

He gave me a gentle shove, avoiding my gaze as his cheeks turned cherry red.

    “Don’t worry, Harrington. Your hair secrets are safe with me.” I assured, “Anyway, don’t listen to him, Dusty.”

    “About the hair?”

    “No! Not about the hair! About girls!” I corrected, “Girls don’t want somebody who doesn’t care! They want somebody who is sweet! Helps ‘em out. Carries their books for them and gives them flowers. Says hi to them in the hallway.”

    “I’ve been talking to her! She called me a stalker.”

    “Well then, you’ve been talking to her too much.” I speculated.

    “Okay, so I have to talk to her. But not too much. I have to act like I don’t care… but I do have to care.” He uttered his thoughts as he walked.

    “Girls are hard.” He concluded, letting out a sigh.

    “I know, pal. I know.” Steve consoled, thumping him on the back.

[almaasi]

Here’s a handy post with ALL 15 of the Destiel fics I posted this year!! (Total word count for the year: 366,181.)

2017 has been a year of drama, demisexual Cas, and dogs. (Seriously, a LOT of dogs.) Wow, I did awesome - and I think my personal health journey is well-reflected in the topics, from depression recovery and weirdness in January to fluff and smut in the last months of the year.

I hope you enjoy reading these even more than I enjoyed writing them ♥

✦ Mostly In Silence · 4k · G · hurt-comfort + depression recovery

Dean returns home to the bunker, only to find Castiel is lost in a deep depression. Taking their cues from the night sky (perhaps holding hands, perhaps sharing their first kiss), Dean helps Castiel rediscover a small but shining sense of hope.

✦ Lucid Nightmare · 10k · T · basically weird meta about fanfic AUs

there’s fire in this city // sirens, ghosts, and earthquakes // one night, you protect me // and we run until dawn breaks //

Or:

A spooky, fluffy, mind-warping existential-themed half-fic half-poem, in which Dean saves siren!Cas from a real-life waking nightmare and drives him to Bobby’s house for safety. But as Cas reveals more about himself and his past, Dean comes to realise he has to let his new winged friend enter his mind and dreamwalk, or else Cas will die.

✦ A Place and a Feeling · 24k · NC-17 · fluffy drama + domesticity + smut

Human AU. Dean Winchester still hasn’t found the perfect little house in the suburbs he’s always dreamed of. On the off-chance that another meeting with his totally adorkable realtor could finally change everything, Dean keeps going back to Castiel’s agency. Like Cas always says, home is both a place and a feeling. But what if the place Dean’s looking for is Castiel’s house, and the feeling is Castiel himself? Sometimes the most unprofessional choices lead to the most enjoyable personal consequences. This is one of those times.

✦ Our Garden Home · 36k · G · cute overload fairy AU

Flower fairy Dean has caught a thief in his trap. As it turns out, it wasn’t a mouse stealing his food. It was Castiel: a hissy, bitey bat sprite with one wing and a forlorn, lonely heart. Dean offers a warm space in his nest, where Castiel can stay until Springtime comes around again. However, Castiel becomes more than just a guest. With a little effort, he helps make Dean’s nest a home.

✦ Night Exhibition · 27k · NC-17 · friends to lovers + smut (rimming!)

Welcome to the world’s most generic museum. In the café, you’ll find Dean, putting dinosaur cut-outs on his award-winning apple pies. In the gift shop, you’ll find his snarky yet devastatingly handsome friend Castiel, folding t-shirts for a living. But Castiel has a second job as a night watchman, patrolling the marble halls and protecting the museum exhibits after dark. One night, Dean asks to tag along. He could never resist a crisp blue uniform, and he’ll take any opportunity to have his friend show it off. It might take all night, one dance, and a playful sex act (or five) in a few unusual places around the museum before either of them realise… maybe Dean’s interest was never about the uniform. And maybe their friendship was already something else.

✦ What We Ache For · 93k · NC-17 · hurt-comfort + domesticity

Working as a prostitute (that’s ‘sex worker’ to the decent folks), Castiel has heard more than his fair share of odd requests. When he’s paid to spend a night with Dean Winchester (handsome, dork of all dorks, has a nice car… secretly a cop), the last thing Castiel expects to hear are the words “I wanna make love.” That’s the one thing he’s never done before – so Dean is going to show him how to do it. But then, barely a month after that night is over, Castiel finds himself in a difficult situation, and Dean is mistakenly summoned to help. They begin to share again: Dean’s apartment, the spare bed, their deepest secrets. Over time, with the support of Dean’s brother Sam, a mystery dog, and lots of cuddles, kisses, comfort, and tea, maybe Cas can finally be loved the way he deserves.

✦ Purple Horse in a Coffee Shop · 8k · G · fun & silly office romance

Nobody expects to see a purple horse at a Pride parade. So, naturally, Dean Winchester is surprised to meet his office co-worker and long-term crush, Castiel, riding atop a magnificent steed - and dressed in full wizard regalia, no less. Somehow, Cas thinks he (and his decked-out horse) are wearing grey. They visit a coffee shop with their friends and family, trying to get to the bottom of this mix-up - and apparently the purple horse is coming too.

“One medium black coffee with two sugars; one macchiato; three small soy lattes; one large decaf with a caramel shot - and ten apples, please.”

✦ Unconditional · 2k · T · hurt-comfort + meta about Dean & John Winchester

Over the years, Dean’s learned a lot about himself, and the way he loves those around him. Now Cas is back from the dead, and he came back human - and hurt. As Dean soothes Cas’ wounds in the front seat of the Impala, an ache in his heart drives him to find words to explain.

✦ The Wireless · 58k · NC-17 · solar punk + the most holy-shit thing I have ever written imo

Cas Novak hosts a popular radio show, entertaining hunters with his psychic powers. But, in a world where monster-hunting is commonplace, he harbours a powerful secret: he’s not human, but an angel, surviving in a society unsympathetic to his kind. For six years, Cas has read out news stories describing a particularly impressive man: Dean Winchester, distinguished hunter and accidental prophet of God. Not by chance, Cas meets Dean at a sunny autumn carnival, where Dean’s taken a job at a kissing booth. One kiss - perhaps two - and they’re already old friends, sharing fairground food, a carousel ride, another kiss on the ferris wheel… Finally, safe in the tent Dean shares with his brother, Castiel feels comfortable enough to reveal those unknown pieces of himself. But come morning, bigger events separate the trio: an ancient beast is waking up, and a fearful world desperately needs to be united. Now Castiel has a reason to confess his true nature, broadcasting live on Hunter Radio. Of course, Dean is listening. And it’s only a matter of time before he replies.

✦ Marshmalloween · 33k · T · lighthearted “teenagers vs. a haunted swamp” adventure

In an attempt to be the world’s coolest guardian, Dean takes his seventeen-year old brother Sam and all his friends to a ‘haunted’ swamp for Halloween night. Even if the ghost stories are a load of baloney, at least the alligators are real. Dean is unexpectedly reunited with his childhood friend (and crush) Castiel, kickstarting a fun night of Halloween antics - marshmallow toasting, bottle spinning, kiss exchanging, and spooky storytelling around the campfire. But when Sam and his dog both go missing, Dean realises the stories his mother once told him are all true. Monsters are real. And unless Dean, Cas, and all of Sam’s friends can figure out how to bring Sam back, he might be lost forever.

✦ Restaurant Revelations · 4k · G · fluffy relationship reveal

Dean and Cas have something important to tell Sam. They don their cheap rental tuxes, and Cas takes out dinner reservations at an exclusive restaurant just for the occasion. Sam is surprised enough when he and Cas make it through the door. But Dean shows up five minutes late, and the restaurant’s security protocols surely make it impossible for him to join them. The secret password is “fiancé”. And somehow Dean knows without being told.

✦ Stumble and Fall · 20k · G · dog adventures + cuddles

Dog AU. Ever since Dean was a puppy, training to be the world’s best sniffer dog, he hasn’t been able to sleep alone. His newest mission takes him well out of his comfort zone: he’s teamed up with a search-and-rescue mutt named Castiel (who, presumably, still has the vet’s thermometer stuck up his ass). But Dean was never built for snowy mountains – and only by snuggling up tight will he and Castiel share enough heat to make it through the night. Except, once Dean is home safe, he finds himself pining for his canine friend…

✦ Pretty Panties and the Pool Shark · 6k · G · kid fic

Castiel is beginning to understand how deceitful his fellow ten-year-olds can be. All the other boys in his swim class keep trying to convince him that there’s a live shark in the pool. And now Dean’s claiming that the panties in his bag belong to his sister, when Castiel knows for a fact that Dean doesn’t have a sister. Castiel is sick of being lied to. But, once Dean reveals a few truths, perhaps they can find a way to make sure the other kids’ teasing comes back to bite them - so to speak.

✦ Whoa There Cowboy · 5k · NC-17 · cowboy kink smut

If you’re gonna jerk off, watch something you find sexy, Dean said. There’s a dirty cowboy movie on TV, and that suits him perfectly. But he never expected that Cas would want to watch him.

✦ The Emporium of Christmas Enchantments · 28k · G · Christmas magic + cute overload

Every night when the clock strikes twelve, all the toys in the toymaker’s workshop come to life. Dean is a little wooden soldier, so easily distracted by the pretty dolls. However, in the nights leading up to Christmas, he feels drawn to a very different kind of toy: Castiel, a kindhearted cowboy displayed on the other side of the store. Dean and Castiel spend all their time together, spreading joy and festive cheer throughout their miniature community. But once the Christmas rush comes around, will fate allow them to stay together? (Perhaps… with a little sprinkling of Christmas magic, even the wishes of simple toys can come true.)

[jr4de]

Tagged by @genderfluidintake​ (holy cow a thingy! I was practically confused when I saw something in my activity log, heh :D)

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you would like to know better

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo (Nope, but I’d be happy to get one, I just haven’t)

I have at least one piercing (Nope, but I’d be happy to, I just haven’t. Lots of people think I used to have an eyebrow piercing because I have a scar there)

I have blonde hair (Nope, brown!)

I have brown eyes (Nope, kinda slate-y blue)

I have short hair (Can I like... opposite-bold this one? Because it’s so long and beautiful and I love it)

My abs are at least somewhat defined (because I’m skinny af so you can just see all my muscles)

I have or have had braces (past tense)

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well (uuhhhhh that’s a long story but I guess suffice to say I often forget myself and try to be? And then it all goes wrong when I cross a line I didn’t know existed to begin with, heh. With time it seems like it might be getting better? Although it always seems like it’s getting better until it suddenly runs aground again, heh)

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality (Hmm. If this isn’t a question I’ve lost a lot of sleep over, I don’t know what is - but I think I’ve settled on “not”? Depending on what one counts as a personality, of course, but hey)

ABILITY:

I can sing well (I think so, at least! I was in vocal jazz for a few years and it went pretty well :D)

I can play an instrument (Alto Saxophone! Or really basic guitar but I don’t know chords or fingering or tabs, I just pluck at it until it makes the right note and then I remember it and move on to the next note, and keep going until I know a song. Heh yeah it’s a shittily slow way to learn :D but I managed Sunshine of Your Love? So that’s cool!)

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (thanks to my time in a paramilitary organization, yes! My record remains 107 at a stretch as far as I can recall, although those were admittedly not cadenced and called so that’s not as impressive.)

I’m a fast runner (I loves me some sprinting, and marathon stuff is fun too! Treadmills=bestmills or something)

I can draw well (Ehh? Decently, I think - I had a webcomic that was decently popular, but art was never its strong suit. Still, I think I can definitely draw *decently*, but not *well*)

I have a good memory (for useless things. Not like, birthdays - but I’ll remember that one time you said you like lavender more than lilac. Of course, I’ll also remember it even once your preferences have changed, or if you misspoke in the first place, heh >.>)

I’m good at doing math in my head (Define “good” and “math” but yeah probably. I cannot estimate a number of items for shit - if there are fewer than eight but more than two, I say five; otherwise it’s just a crapshoot - but I can math, regardless!)

I can hold my breath underwater for over  a minute (Well, I could last time I checked. I didn’t try today, so...)

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling (yeah but I mean some of my friends have been like really tiny, folks. I’ve also lost to like fifty :D)

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (chicken sandwich, ham sandwich, baloney sandwich, done. Heh, nah, just kidding - I make a burger I call the Nutty Jerk; it’s beef and chunky peanut butter for the patty, with Jerk spice mixed in, topped with a slice of orange and a small dollop of smooth peanut butter on top of the patty that melts over it. I really like it, it’s tasty!)

I know how to throw a proper punch (Technically, two of them - boxing through personal training, Shotokan Karate through my marvellous black-belt wife :D)

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports (but don’t conflate that enjoyment with skill >.>)

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else (Past tense? I was in one)

I have learned a new song in the past week (I mean, I looked up lyrics that I didn’t know and now I sing them when the song comes on, so...?)

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing (so much. So so much.)

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts (for like a year and then they wouldn’t let me break the boards because I was too little and that was sad. I learned way more from my wife)

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss (and my second! And third, and fourth, etc.)

I have had alcohol (Heck, I had some today! If you ever see a white Reisling from Germany, imported, in a black bottle shaped like a cat? Give it a shot - it was delicious; light and fruity and surprisingly sweet, but not quite to icewine levels)

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game (my sportsball matches were rarely winning ones, be it soccer or lacrosse. It’s likely I have, but I can’t recall for certain.)

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting (I mean, it’s not hard with Firefly, it only takes like three hours >.>)

I have been at an overnight event (what, like a sleepover? I think, no matter what, the answer’s yes)

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year (Thankfully, no! Maybe I’ve broken my streak! For a while there I was averaging out to once every two years, which some people might suggest is pretty frequent.)

I have beaten a video game in one day (Uh...don’t think so? Maybe.)

I have visited another country (Several!)

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts (Arrogant Worms, Barenaked Ladies, Blue Man Group, Tragically Hip - not in that order, per se, but I loved and love them absolutely.)

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity (Uhhh... define crush I guess? I think there are lots who seem like really cool folks, and pretty, but I don’t know if that counts. Sorry, attraction’s always been an odd one for me to discuss, heh)

I have a crush on someone I know (again as above? But I think I’m safe in saying there’s a yes here. Pretty sure if you and your wife have discussed stuff like that it probably counts as a crush, eh?”

I have been in at least 3 relationships (not unless the definition of “relationship” is very different to what I expect)

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them (I’ve done both! It’s gone multiple ways :D)

I get crushes easily (???? I don’t know? Crushes? I think people are great and cute easily. Or maybe I love them? I don’t know!)

I have had a crush on someone for over a year (crushes?? Ahhh it’s all about crushes and I don’t know, but I’ve liked someone for more than a year? So I’d say it counts. Probably just overthinking it as per normal, heh >.>)

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” (more than one, even if we haven’t talked recently - but that’s indicative, to me. Sometimes we won’t talk for a year but then when we do, it’s comfortable and wonderful all over again. That’s how I know :D)

I live close to my school (I live close to the empty lot where my school used to be when I went there and it still existed? Also near my old Elementary school. I don’t live near my post-secondary stuff, that’s on the mainland)

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month (we went bicycling!)

I have a smartphone (now, although it took me a long time. My dad literally bought one for me while I was at work, heh >.>)

I have at least 15 CDs

I share my room with someone (I share everything with her! She’s great!)

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced (took Ukrainian dancing when I was a kid, and there’s a move called “the Coffee Grinder” [or at least that’s what they called it for us heh] that’s pretty much a breakdancing move, and I’ve pulled it out on a few occasions. It’s like, eighties breakdancing, but hey I think it counts)

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (nope, a whole playlist on repeat! Fad Gadget, A1 people, Art Vs Science, Shiny Toy Guns, Pendulum, Barenaked Ladies, Arctic Monkey, Kristin Andreassen, MIKA, Maximo Park, and uh... I think another one or two but I can’t remember. Heh.)

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone (really big! Broke a few, actually - hairline fracture, three bones in my right foot; spiral fracture of the left femur that nearly took my life, but I made it through! And now I have some metal rods that used to be in my bones, so that’s cool :D)

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life (I know about a million things I want to do with it, heh >.> That’s not the hard part <.<)

I speak at least 2 languages (I think my conversational decency in French would count? I’m not nearly fluent, but I’d say I speak it - more than enough to get around town, certainly. Enough to talk over letters or in a slow conversation, but not enough to watch an action flick, heh)

I have made a new friend in the past year 

Uh... tagging people. Yeah, that’s a little bit anxiety-inducing, so I’m just gonna pass on that? Sorry, I know it’s not playing by the rules and that kinda sucks but I honestly wouldn’t know where to start, heh, but anybody can do it if they want and say I tagged them! Thanks, it was fun!

[fight-for-the-write]

Things my AP Gov teacher said

.Does anyone feel the healthcare spirt?

I went huba-huba.

We’ve equally intelligent and stupid people in both houses of congress

He’s an idiot.

*Gestures to self* This is all a lie

There is a men’s caucus, it’s for the other 80% of congress! I kid you not! They don’t need one!

You’re going to be constitutional scholars-slash-beasts.

We haven’t had a good impeachment in two decades...we need one… to educate the people, no comment on the incoming president [Trump].

*Looking over notes* Mmm Hmm Mmm MMM “What do you notice kids?”

“The north made the rum… drinky drinky… to trade for slaves.

Name the rights! *waits for the class to name off stuff* Religion, press, blah blah blah

I don’t care, well, I do, but I’m not telling you!

Oh! *writes on board ‘Significance on Constitutional Convention of 1787 OMG the best Const. EVER*

Did anyone learn that silly Preamble song in 4th grade? *few people raise their hands* Does anyone want to sing it for us? *Hand fall* But don’t worry class, let’s read it together anyway.

*Talking about the constitution* The constitution says “This is how you do it.”

Where can you go to smoke it up?

If you and your spouse, you decided to, or can’t do the, um… birth, what do you do?

While in Colorado, you had the privilege of getting stoned under the Privileges and Immunities Clause.

What happened if you didn’t follow the Church of England, France, or Spain? You got excommunicated, imprisoned, tortured - in very painful ways -, and executed

Here comes the light… and it will be good

Are you ready for the FRQ’s? I’m so jazzed!

We have to say the 14th amendment. Oooh, lovely amendment.

Get low.

Where’s get low?

*Goes in for a high-five* SNAP!

That was a lot of BS. *class says baloney* Or, as my grandmother used to say, baloney sauce.

1963… that was a good year.

*Looking at notes* HgmbrstuwtAbi

What would SCOTUS say?

Get bent, it's in the constitution, would be what they meant in colonial times. (Don’t put that on the AP test (If you put it on the AP exam, parenthetically tell what they want. (By get bent, I mean that there was no standing to sue, etc.)))

When we’re done with these three things, Hannah, put your hand up and say ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.’

Talking about Independent Business v. Sibelius case* Conservatives said to Roberts *bad accent and cross made out of fingers* You were not supposed to vote that way! Evil!

We’ll put everything in a central location… and we’ll… we’ll share! Aww! (Talking about communism)

*Drawing marble cake* That’s a pretty crappy cake.

Stroke your beard! *one student doesn’t* Stroke your beard!

Corn is everything. Really, the Maya are coming back.

As long as Micky D’s is open and the cell phones are working, everything is FINE!!

Jefferson’s enemy Alex-ander Ham-il-ton convinced someone to vote for Jefferson.

I am the holder of the calibration machines.

When Canada invades, the supply line is short.

What’s the state where… *vague hand waving*

Don’t look at me… look inside yourself. The force flows through you… HEALTHCARE!!!

Eventually, [the football] will be a chip embedded in the president’s brain.

*Balancing a ruler on his head* This means nothing.

We’ll have diversity in the presidency, assuming we don’t blow ourselves up by then.

WWTD - What Would Thor Do? *Waves pretend hammer around* Fwoorth!

Have y’all ever had a burger at Steak ‘n Shake? Because my brother introduced it to me over the break and it’s one of the greatest things in life now.

88%, that’s even more depressing. (Talking about safe seats in the house)

Moderate republicans are here. *Walks out the door to the right* Rand Paul is over here.

*To student* Ask me why there’s no speaker of the House. *Student asks* I don’t know.

We have to be thinking about these all the time because if we don’t, Russia will.

Holy crap Batman.

Legislative constipation.

You bet your sweet bippy.

If I became dictator for while, I’d get rid of gerrymandering and make all elections federally funded. Everyone would be on an equal playing field. Imagine that!

Budget surplus, that’s a joke!

Pass the biscuits.

The media is so prevalent because of your social media and blah, blah, blah.

Yes, let us get thoroughly depressed for a moment.

That was a joke… apparently not a funny one.

[teratomarty]

Size Isn’t Everything

(A Scout/Heavy fic for @daskingu​.  Hooray!  Also on AO3, for a change.)

It took a lot to fill the Heavy Weapons Guy’s mouth.  Unfortunately, the Scout’s cock was not really up to it.  The skinny American was thrusting quick and sloppy, which was good, but also meant he’d probably be done all too soon.  The runner grabbed at the back of Heavy’s head, fucking his mouth with abandon.  

He’d expected the Scout to come down his throat, but instead the younger man pulled out at the last minute.  The gouts of thin semen hitting his face were an arousing hint of what the Heavy really wanted, but now that the Scout was falling back, panting, a hint was probably all he was going to get.

“Aw, fuck yeah,” the skinny man grinned.  “Yeah, eat it all.”  He pushed a glob of come into Heavy’s mouth with his thumb.  The Russian couldn’t help but moan.

“You like that, huh?  What else do you like?”

Heavy waved a hand dismissively.  He just wanted to go back to his bunk and jack off.

“Fuck you, I asked you a question.”  The words came with a stinging flick to Heavy’s ear.

“Like big men.”  Just go away, Scout.

“Yeah? I’m not big enough, izzat what you’re saying?  Whattaya like, guys big enough to smack you around, or with dicks big enough to wreck your ass?”

“Both.”  Heavy stood up to go.

A knuckly jab to his solar plexus knocked the wind out of him, and a stinging pain just under his nose made him back off, eyes watering.  He backed away until hie hit a wall, and Scout still had a sharp thumbnail dug into the tender skin between his nose and upper lip.

“I dunno if you’ve seen me on the field, tons-of-fun, but just because I’m not frickin’ huge doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass.”  Switching his grip, he clamped his hands around the larger man’s balls.  “So whattaya say, you gonna go beat off about the BLU Heavy, or you gonna stay here and let me show you a good time?”

“... Will stay.”

“Good.”  Scout squeezed to within a fraction of crushing the Heavy’s balls.  “Take off your clothes.”

The Heavy did as he was told, until he was wearing nothing but a challenging smirk.

“Aw yeah.”  Scout looked at him like a monkey looking at a banana tree.  In much that same way, he leapt at the Heavy and climbed.  Heavy laughed in surprise and swatted at the younger man, but he clung tightly, digging his fingers into Heavy’s ribs and armpits.

The huge man’s booming laughter turned into the helpless guffaws of the terminally tickled.  The Scout was relentless, switching targets often and clinging too close for the Heavy to get in a decent swat.

“Oh, stop- stop!” he panted, red-faced.

“Say uncle.”

“What?” Heavy’s incomprehension was met with another round of furious tickling.  He fell to his knees and tried to shed the Scout by rolling over him, but the little bastard was nothing if not tenacious.  “Say uncle!”

“Uncle! Uncle!” Heavy gasped, face-down on the floor.

“Good, you’re learning.  Put your hands behind your back.”

The Russian felt loops of rope- no, cloth- twisting around his wrists, then the Scout’s bare hand on his cheek.  The palm was surprisingly soft in contrast to the calluses formed where his fingers were exposed.

“Up.”  The younger man slapped his face lightly.  “On your knees, bent over the bed.”

Heavy did as he was told, still somewhat red-faced from the tickling.  “Like this?”

“Yeah, and that tone’a voice is more like it, too.” Scout cupped Heavy’s cock and balls from behind.  “Jeezis Christ, the fuck is this, a baloney loaf? I can see why ya got such a swelled head.”  He swatted the back of the larger man’s skull.  “Ya gotta understand, size ain’t everything.”

There were some odd shuffling sounds coming from behind him, but scout said “Eyes front,” and flicked him hard on the balls when he tried to look around.  Even as the sting faded, he felt the American wrapping something around his cock.  Thin, tight… string?  Shoelaces, he realised as he heard the Scout padding barefoot around the room.  His cock was beginning to truly ache.

“So, big guy, who’s in charge here?” Scout smacked Heavy’s ass.

“Eh, not sure.”

“Smartass.” Scout yanked on the shoelaces, making Heavy roar in pain.  “I said, who’s in charge?”

“You,” Heavy mumbled.

“Who is it?”  The younger man tugged Heavy’s cock backward, bending it almost up to his own ass.

“You!”

“Sorry, didn’t hear ya?”  Scout caught the head of the Russian’s cock in a vicious pinch.

“You! Scout is in charge!”

“You better believe it, fatass… Actually, I think I know just what that big fat ass of yours needs.”  There was rattling and clanking from Scout’s footlocker.  “Hah!”

A crinkle, a squelch, and something cold and slick pressed against Heavy’s exposed ass.  “Open wide, big guy.”

The Russian tried to relax back against whatever the American was pushing into him.  “Is… needs more wet.”  He was losing his ability to concentrate on translating.

The squelching sound resumed, and whatever-it-was returned, slick and smooth but still entirely too wide.  Not a dildo, not a fist, too rounded…

“Scout… is bat?”  Heavy’s ears burned with shame.

“Damn right it’s a bat.  Brand-new, top-of-the-line aircraft-grade aluminum.  I been savin’ it for best.  An’ it’s goin’ up your ass.”

“Is too big!”  Heavy protested.

The American paused.  “Lemme hear you say that again.”  His voice cracked, grating downward.  Heavy’s cock twitched.

“Is too big.”  The flush had spread to Heavy’s cheeks.  “Need to stretch first.”

Setting the bad down on the bed, Scout stroked Heavy’s spine.  “Yeahhh… yeah, we can do that.”  More obscenely wet sounds, and Scout’s fingers traced around Heavy’s hole.

The big man relaxed enough to take one of Scout’s skinny fingers, then two and even three with no trouble.  “Yeah right, you needed a warm-up,” Scout taunted.  “You just wanted to get finger-banged.”  He hooked his fingers, stretching the rim of Heavy’s hole from the inside.

Heavy moaned and rolled his hips, cock rubbing ineffectually against the rough wool blanket.  Trying to get some leverage, he turned his head to the other side.  “Why is condom on bat?” he said, seeing it for the first time.

“Like Hell I’m gettin’ ass-juice on my brand new bat!”

Heavy’s booming laugh was cut short as Scout yanked on the shoelace around his balls.  “Yeah, laugh it up, fatty-fat.  You won’t get nothin’.”  He withdrew his fingers and instead squeezed the big man’s balls.

“Nnh-” Heavy groaned.  The pain was intense, but the emptiness in his ass was worse.

“Aw, your ass is twitchin’.  You wanna get fucked?”

“... Yes,” Heavy admitted.

“Yes, what?” Scout twisted his balls.

“Yes, please, Scout.”  Heavy could feel the heat from his face burning against the rough blanket.

“Aw yeah!”  There was another crinkle- a condom wrapper, he realised, and the bat was whisked from his view. He felt latex-slicked metal against his ass again- smaller- the handle end.  He gave a short shout at the abrupt intense stretch as Scout forced the knob inside him.

Heavy couldn’t do anything but thrash helplessly as the American violated him with the crude weapon.  Scout jammed the knob against his prostate, making his whole body jerk.

Apparently the skinny runner liked that, as he repeated the motion, and then did it again.  Soon, Heavy’s cock was leaking thick, clear pre-ejaculate, smearing against the edge of the mattress and dripping onto the floor.

“Real worked up, ain’tcha?”  Scout leaned across Heavy’s back to whisper in his ear.

“Da… Scout.”

“You want more?  Say it in English.”

“Yes, yes, Scout, please!”

“Fuuuuck.”

Scout switched ends of the bat- Heavy saw him shoot a condom off into the garbage can like a  rubber band.  The business end of the bat pressed against his ass again, but this time he was stretched and slick enough to take it, ever so slowly as Scout worked with unusual patience.

Heavy wished that his hands were free so that he could cover his face or put his fingers in his mouth.  As it was, he pushed his face into a fold of blanket and tried to moan quietly.  The stretch and burn, the sensation of being filled to the limit of his endurance, was exactly what he had craved.  Firmly bound as his balls were, he could feel them try to draw up against his pelvis.

“Please, more, more!”  He arched his back, pushing his hips toward his teammate.

“Fuck yeah!”  Scout hammered into him with the bat.

“There, there, don’t stop!” It was the last thing Heavy managed to say before lapsing into incomprehensible whimpering.  The tip of the bat knocked back and forth across his prostate, driving him out of his mind.  He felt as if he could lie like this and get fucked forever.

The pounding stopped abruptly, making him groan in frustration as the bat was withdrawn.  

“Hold your horses, big fella.”  Heavy felt Scout fumbling beneath him, and the laces around his balls were released.  Then the bat returned, sliding into his thoroughly stretched-out ass with obscene ease.  

He came as soon as the bat rubbed over his prostate, bellowing into the mattress, balls clenching so hard that it hurt.  Over the sound of his blood roaring in his ears, he heard his semen splatter onto the floor.  The pulsating pleasure seemed to go on forever- Scout thrust again every time he thought he was finished, setting off wave after wave of release.

When Scout finally withdrew the bat, Heavy collapsed.  He felt as though he were melting into the bed.  He panted, too worn out to even moan. Drifting in exhaustion and bliss, he heard the crinkle of another condom wrapper.

“Oh holy fuck Jesus goddamn.” Scout gripped Heavy’s hips. “You’re so fuckin’ sloppy loose.”  His cock slid smoothly into Heavy’s ass, touching off a deep, bruised ache. Heavy moaned.

“You like that, huh?”  Scout let loose, pounding into him like a jackrabbit.  Heavy sobbed in pleasure and overstimulation.  “Spread that ass for me, I’m-” Scout’s words dissolved into a howl as his hips snapped against Heavy’s abused ass.

The ache throbbed through Heavy’s pelvis, touching off another shudder of pleasure. He groaned and pressed back against the Scout.

“Oh, whew.  OK. Wow.”  The smaller man flopped bonelessly over the Heavy’s back. “That was amazing.”  

“Was very good,” Heavy agreed, wincing as Scout’s softening cock slipped out of him and let a trickle of semen run down his thigh.  “You are squash hands. Please to untie?”

“Yeah, sure.” Scout hoisted himself up and admired his handiwork.  “Man, you’re a wreck.  Fuckin’ look at that.”  After a long moment of admiration, he untied the big man’s hands.

“Is true what they say,” Heavy smiled, standing up and stretching his arms.

“What’s that?”

“Size is not everything.”

[jenguerrero]

Shin splints! I was running 9 1/2 miles a day and loving it! Then shin splints. Shin splints are the worst. I needed to deal with them so they didn’t become a stress reaction or stress fracture. I’m on a lady fitness site, and asked what people did to heal them. Foam rolling, deep squats to deal with a muscle imbalance, stretching, and compression socks. To my surprise, icing was really controversial and people felt passionate about their positions.

Okay, I ordered compression socks, foam rollers, and started going after deep squats and stretches like nobody’s business. I’d worked for a few years on that running endurance, and didn’t want to give that up. I decided to give CrossFit a try. Holy workout, Batman! You’re a sweaty mess and done in less than an hour. It’s totally scalable to every fitness level, so it’s custom order-type challenging, and a novice and a gymrat can work out side-by-side. Perfect. To my shock, my husband quit with his nautilus-type gym and started joining me. And then the kids showed up. Too neat.

And it works! The scale hasn’t moved. Probably because it weighs muscle, fat, bones, water, and all. But I bought these jeans last Thanksgiving and they fit. I think I might need new jeans. Working on my 6-pack! I think I’m going to toss my 6-pack on my scale in case I feel compelled to step on that thing again.

We put together a CrossFit gym in the garage. People have been asking about it, so I thought I’d post it all in one spot.

I’m an Amazon Affiliate. Any time you use one of my links to get to Amazon and make a purchase, Amazon gives me a tiny percentage that I put towards paying my blog fees the next year. Thank you!

Gym Flooring – Foam mats. They’re perfect because you can tailor the outline to your space. It’s comfy enough for floor stretching, too. Since it’s out in the garage, it gets tidied up with the leaf blower frequently. We got the 1/2″ thick 144 sq ft pack, but smaller packs are available if you don’t need that much. ProsourceFit Exercise Puzzle Mat

Barbells and plates – We have my father-in-law, Raul’s, old set. It’s all Weider. $28 of spray paint at Walmart and we made them as bright as we wanted! Here’s a 2″ barbell with good reviews. Barbell And here’s cute, color-coded HulkFit bubber bumper plates. Weight plates

Kettlebells, dumbbells, and medicine balls – These get used all the time. Amazon Basics Double Grip Type Medicine Ball   SPRI Kettlebell Weights Deluxe Cast Iron Vinyl Coated

Squat cage – A squat cage is neat because you can back squat a lot more weight than you can press, so you can start the bar right where it needs to be. The first time I deadlifted the weight and then wondered how in the heck I was going to get it on the back of my shoulders. Pressing’s no joke. The top has a bar for pull-ups and toes to bar, too. This came with dip handles, too, although I didn’t think it was supposed to. Those are still just hopeful for us. We’re calling them drop and hops. One day!!! This thing is impressively sturdy. My 250 pound husband hangs off of it with barely any motion.  HulkFit 1000-Pound Capacity Multi-Function Adjustable Power Cage

Rings – We tried a rope over the squat cage at first, but that killed our hands. These are wonderfully comfortable. NAYOYA Gymnastics Rings

Pull-up assist – You put your foot through it and it gives a pull-up booster if you’re at an almost pull-up. Lifeline Pull Up Revolution Assistance System

Chalk – So you don’t have to worry about slippery, sweaty hands with pull-ups and toes-to-bar. Salty Lance 2 lb Gym Chalk Bucket

Bench press – Lovely for literally bench pressing and barbell rows. We have Raul’s old bench. It’s a Weider.

Rowing machine – We bought a value play. $200. It gets the job done. Weirdly, it doesn’t measure distance. So, we row 5 minutes for 1000m and 2 1/2 minutes for 500 meters. If money’s no object, you want a Concept 2. Sunny Health and Fitness Magnetic Rowing Machine with LCD Monitor

Jump box – I’m working up to it. My hub can do the 20″ jump and the kids can both do the 30″. This is heavy foam, so it can handle my 250 pound husband and no one gets bloody shins if they miss. BalanceFrom 3 in 1 20″ 24″ 30″ Foam Plyometric Jump Box

  Jump rope – we got speed ropes on Amazon. DoubleWonderUnder makes customizable ropes. Yeah, for $20 you can make a Wonder Woman rope. WOD Nation Speed Jump Rope

Exercise bands – These are fun. And hard. You can put them around your thighs to add resistance for squats, jumping jacks, and side steps. That’s not my favorite, though. Pop them around your ankles, put on your favorite song, and penguin dance the heck out of it. It’s a great workout, but it’s completely ridiculous, so it brings sweaty giggles. Sooo good. MOOND Fabric Booty Bands

  Punching bag and gloves – We got 4 pair of the gloves so no one would have to share. My husband needed 16 ounce for his size, and the 12 ounce are perfect for me and the girls. We bought the Bas Rutten videos to work out with it. RDX 8 PC Punching Bag Heavy Unfilled   RDX Boxing Gloves   Bas Rutten MMA System Workout

Self care: Foam rollers and compression socks. 321 Strong Foam Roller SB Sox Compression Socks (20-30mm)

  We were thinking about a name and nothing was hitting us. I said I was going out to Gymmy one night and then it hit me, Gymmy McGill’s! <Better Call Saul> B relocated the tools so that we could have a handstand wall. We just have to cart the trash bin out. Not ideal, but it works!

I finished painting it. I think I’m going to paint a few big hibiscus around the door.

We put up a tv, mostly so we can do exercise videos out there, but one of the kiddos likes to work out with Hunger Games and Sponge Bob in the background.

My hub’s Christmas party was at Main Event last year. We pooled together everyone’s winning tickets and got a blue tooth disco lamp for the game room. The kids brought it down to the gym, and it blasts tunes in the most ridiculous way. I stupid love that disco party lamp.

Now we just need a few heavier kettlebells once stores get them back in stock. The gym’s pretty much done, and gets as much love as the family room.

Need inspiration? There’s a podcast called Thick Thighs Save Lives, and it’s amazing. The girls and I can’t get enough of it. I should mention that there’s a fair amount of swearing in it for those that would screen for that. They have a webpage, Fitness Programming by CVG. It’s women only, 60,000 members, all supportive, without a troll in site, and no Instagram baloney. Yeah, that really exists. We bought their ebook and worked through it, shocked by how quickly they increase your fitness level. I’m an ex-analyst, so I had to do the program twice to prove to myself that it was working. It worked crazy well. I feel so much stronger and feel more alive than ever the rest of the time. We’re going to sign-up for their ongoing programming. It should come with a warning that you’ll end up with a workout legging addiction. Remember that show The Magic School Bus? I have leggings for every occasion, rivaling Ms. Frizzle’s dress collection!

Shin splints suck and I love CrossFit! Shin splints! I was running 9 1/2 miles a day and loving it! Then shin splints. Shin splints are the worst.