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kyletogaz · 1 month

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Hi beautiful! I love your writing so much and I've been following you for a while. I was reading your post about being inclusive with hair and I have a couple questions if that's alright.

And you definitely don't have to teach me or answer me if you don't want to, it's not your job. Though I'd love a couple tips from you or your followers if you are feeling like helping me brainstorm.

I've been writing a x reader fic and I stayed away from any hair indicators other than describing the hair as 'beautiful', 'lovely', 'needs a wash' (after two weeks in the bush), and other extremely plain descriptors that really just confirm that there IS hair. In the story description I did say that she had hair 'long enough to do a few little hairdos with'. Since I felt that sounded pretty generic and the reader does have hair.

But the reader in this particular story is very into looks and fashion, not like a bimbo or anything. But she really likes looking cute. I take time to describe her style, make up, and shoes. But it always feels like I'm leaving something out by not mentioning doing her hair. Because I'm trying to not describe hairstyles and leave someone out. I've mentioned 'putting it back' during cooking. And have used the phrase 'you did your hair' and variations a few times already and I don't want it to get boring and repetitive.

If it was a different type of story I wouldn't care and just not describe anything at all but the way the reader enjoys making herself look cute makes it feel like I'm leaving something out.

Are there any hairstyles that can be generic enough that if you have mediumish hair of any texture they would work? With one particular outfit I really pictured them having space buns (which I've seen people with different textures have) but I don't wanna assume. Sorry this is so long. I really really want to be inclusive but it's just been a bit tricky.

since you actually wrote a warning about reader’s hair being long enough to style, that’s fine. my whole issue with the hair topic in fics, is how writers won’t mention their description of the reader’s hair until we’re already reading the fic. and i see something about the reader having hair down her back or how it’s straight, and i’m like okay i wasted my time with this.

i feel like if someone is going to be specific about a reader’s hair, they should put it in the content warnings so i’ll know if i need to skip it or not. and if a writer has no intention on adding a hair warning, then they should be less descriptive about it in the fic. mentioning hair in passing without it being descriptive, lets the reader choose how they want their hair to look in the fic.

with that being said, space buns are very cute. i’ve seen them on people with different hair lengths & textures as well, so the buns vary in sizes. and since your reader has hair long enough for them, that’s cool.

and i’m so sorry i’m terrible at hairstyle suggestions (i was thinking about a bob honestly 💀) i rotate through 3 hairstyles only: a ponytail, my natural curls, or braids lmao if any of my followers know some good hairstyles for medium length hair feel free to reply to this

#also thank you #kyletogaz talks

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ratsetflummi · 3 months

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All of the odd numbered weird asks! (But feel free to skip any that you don’t want to answer of course 😅)

1. who is/are your comfort character(s)?

currently artemis entreri, previously strahd von zarovich

generally there seems to be a theme of mentally ill little bastards with a bunch of trauma who are suffering from The Curse™ and who just kind of want to die but can't

don't read anything into that

3. do you leave the window open at night?

i leave it tilted (because i got the good european windows that you can tilt), so the murderers don't get in, but i also don't suffocate

5. what color are your eyes?

blue

7. hair-ties or scrunchies?

i'm bald

but back when i still had long hair i only ever used hair-ties

9. which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

ideally lukewarm, but i'll also take cold. i'm very sensitive to heat, so hot coffee just kills me

11. favorite extracurricular activity?

i haven't been in school in almost a decade. and back when i was still in school i never did any extracurriculars. i always wanted to do theater, but my anxiety was way too bad to actually sign up for it back then

13. when was the last time you ate?

two hours ago. i went to my parents' place to bake a lemon tart with meringue, and i ate a piece of that before i left

the tart in question:

15. are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

only to a pair of little idiot cats

17. are you farsighted or nearsighted?

nearsighted, but i only have to wear my glasses at university, for everything else my eyes are still good enough

19. imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

yes, and they might not even look horrible, i've been getting better at that lately

21. something you’ve kept since childhood?

the only thing that comes to mind is my fear of dogs. had that since i was a child. as far as like objects go i'm pretty sure everything's been replaced at some point

23. how do you feel about chilly weather?

love chilly weather, the chillier the better, bury me in snow and i will be happy (i am currently suffering from summer)

25. perfume/body spray or lotion?

body spray

27. about how many hours of sleep did you get?

more than i usually get recently, which is to say about 7 hours. the cat i'm currently cat sitting keeps screaming me awake way too early in the morning, but last night i finally caved in and put in some earplugs, so i actually slept more than five hours for once

29. how do you like your shower water?

warm. not scalding, but i refuse to step into a cold shower

31. what type of music keeps you grounded?

metal. a strong baseline and drums help me calm down. which sounds like a joke, but it really isn't

33. the last adventure you’ve been on?

i'm currently living at a friend's place out in the middle of nowhere, because she's on vacation right now and i agreed to take care of her cat, and going back and forth from my place to hers takes for fucking ever. and honestly just figuring out how to live out here is an adventure of its own

35. what’s your timezone?

i would have sworn that it's gmt+1, but apparently it's gmt+2? or cest. my friends in the uk keep calling me a bloody future person because i'm one hour ahead of them

37. someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

only person who i still talk to is thisfairytalegonebad on here. we weren't technically actively talking until we did our finals at the same time, which was only 7 years ago, but fairy is the reason why i'm even on tumblr in the first place, and that was 11 years ago

39. do you use lip balm?

nope, my lips always feel worse when i try

41. how do you take your coffee?

with ridiculous amounts of milk and sugar

43. what’s your take on spicy foods?

i can handle a bit of spice, but too much will kill me

45. can you remember what happened yesterday?

i had to think long and hard about it, but i think i reconstructed most of it

the highlights are going to university, doing a horrible job drawing my friend's old dnd character during a lecture, visiting a friend at work on the way home, failing to kill a boss on elden ring for like two hours, talking to friends on vc, and doing a way better job redoing the drawing

the drawings in question (from 2021, yesterday morning, and yesterday night, in that order):

(yes, that is jarlaxle's hat. well, technically jack axel's hat, who was my pc in dragonheist, and who totally wasn't just the jarlaxle we have at home when mom says that we have jarlaxle at home)

47. what was the last message you sent?

asking my mom whether she has finally applied for the new job she was looking at and whether her coworker has actually quit yet. that was five days ago, she hasn't answered yet

unless we're talking discord messages, in which case it was me talking about what i'm gonna cook for my friends when i go visit them a month from now

49. can you skip rocks?

absolutely not. i've tried a couple times, but i never actually got anywhere

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mikaharuka · 2 years

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Ooooh, yes now is my time to shine >:D

I'll go with 1, 9, 20, and 19!

Heyo Momo! Thanks for the ask and sorry for the delay~

Oooh, four questions, four pairs - and yep, I'm doing all four WL pairs! This'll definitely be a longer answer. Also, #20 is plot-important.

Feel free to send more asks my way! You can find the questions here and my other answers I've given in the 'mizuka's otp stuff' tag :)

-----

#1 - "who can outdrink the other?"

**So before I start... I'm answering with the assumption that alcohol has similar effects on vampires, just for the sake of the question. Probably not true (actually definitely not true), but just go with it~

Carlisle/Beau - Ooh... I don't know, because neither of them really strike me as the type to go wild about it. I guess I'll have to choose Carlisle, only because of the vampire advantage?

Edward/Mike - I feel Mike would be the type to hold the alcohol really well, once he's old enough to drink, of course :)

Rosalie/Elle - Probably Elle, just because I'm sure she's imbibed quite a bit of alcohol in her various culinary escapades and adventures~

Alice/Mina - Definitely Mina, for various reasons including past experiences that I will not be detailing at this time :)

-----

#9 - "who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?"

Carlisle/Beau - It would be so easy for me to point at Beau... but Carlisle's the one who'd been picking up stray siblings here and there over time, so honestly both of them lol

Edward/Mike - Definitely Edward, because Mike isn't really the type to beg. If Mike wanted something, he'd find a way to deal with it himself. That's probably a weakness of his - not being able to ask for stuff purely for himself.

Rosalie/Elle - I have to go with Rose here. She might seem stand-offish at first, but she's actually quite open with Elle, and Elle is quite indulgent of her and takes good care of her, so...

Alice/Mina - Alice for sure. Like Mike, Mina isn't really the type to ask for stuff just for herself, though she's better than Mike on this point.

-----

#19 - "who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared?"

Carlisle/Beau - I have to choose Beau for this one. Beau isn't the type to cling to people to begin with (not for those reasons, at least)... but Carlisle is even less likely to do this, so Beau wins by default lol

Edward/Mike - Honestly... I don't feel like either of them do so either? Edward might cling as a joke, but if he had a serious problem, he's not like to do that. Mike isn't likely to cling even as a joke, honestly. However, once they became close enough, they'd be more willing.

Rosalie/Elle - I'd say both of them. Both of them are quite open with each other about feelings, affection, and general needs (even if Rosalie is notably more shy about it if other people are around).

Alice/Mina - Definitely Alice. Alice is that bubbly dramatic lady while Mina is more stable and stoic. That being said, if stuff was serious enough, Mina does open up to and seek comfort in Alice.

-----

#20 - "who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…)"

Carlisle/Beau** - this requires an explanation, so skip down for that.

Edward/Mike - Edward, since he has energy pretty similar to Alice's energy, and Mike is more of a private type. That being said, if Mike wants something of this nature, he's not the type to shy away from it either (assuming the distant enough future, anyways).

Rosalie/Elle - Same as question #19, for the same reasons too~

Alice/Mina - Alice by default, since she's the energetic, dramatic, physically demonstrative type. Mina doesn't shy away from showing affection when Alice isn't joking around about it or when she needs it.

-----

So... #20 for Carlisle and Beau.

it depends - there are two inflection points (X and Y). For what it's worth, X is coming up fairly soon, but Y is quite some time away.

Phase 1 (Before Point X) - Beau Beau's quick to accept his unusual crush and general situation, even as he's trying to figure out what's going on. He doesn't hide much from those in the know and he's... uh... quite enthusiastic within the dreamscapes. However, this feels like a celebrity crush for Beau, so it's not hard for him to be open about it in his dreams. Carlisle doesn't interact with Beau often, but when he does, he tries to be as politely distant and neutral as the situation lets him be.

Phase 2 (Between Points X and Y) - Neither of them Point X is when Beau realizes that his attraction is likely not one-sided and far out-there as he assumed it was. He becomes kind of awkward about it, as a result. While he's cordial and open about the situation as they all try to understand what happened, he's very nervous because of the Point X realization and clams up notably. Carlisle is similar to Phase 1, but more open for the same reasons as Beau (trying to figure out what happened).

Phase 3 (After Point Y) - Carlisle In short, Point Y is a major 'thing' that permanently changes Carlisle's and Beau's situation. Carlisle accepts the new circumstance, initiates a courtship, and becomes more open and "physically affectionate" as time passes. Beau's not 'closed off' - he 'accepted' this suit and is informed, so he's fine with what's going on... but he's still in disbelief at first. He's cautiously optimistic, opening up more as time passes, but Carlisle would still be the more "physically affectionate" one.

#mizuka answers #otp ask meme #my ask games #ask game #mizuka's ask games #winter light headcanons #mizuka's rambles

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bonesandthebees · 2 years

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Hi :D more questions predictably!! More so about you then my other ones, and I’m going to have two questions for the more personally ones because I want you to feel comfy ^^ so just answer one of the two :3 skip any that make you happy icky though <3

A) what did you plan to major in as a kid?

B) what was your favorite part of highschool?

C) what’s your favorite part of being an adult? And what’s your least favorite part?

D) do you have a job while at collage / do you still talk to your parents a lot?

E) what’s your favorite part of being in a fandom (any)

F) how many times have you gone to the hospital? / what was your worst fear when you were 7?

Me being nosey again, who could’ve guessed it ^^” -🍄

mushroom anon you are so good at coming up with interesting questions i love these!!

A) ever since I was a kid I had an interest in being a doctor. when I was 5 I begged my mom to buy me a human anatomy book from the bookstore lmao. so I was always planning on majoring in a premed type major like human bio or something similar, and it wasn't till i was in those classes that i realized oh i really do not like hard science enough for this oops-

B) my senior year of high school was pretty damn great?? admittedly fall semester was stressful as hell with getting college apps out and everything, but spring semester was so chill. I hung out with a lot more people than I had in previous years, I was more outgoing, teachers treat you so much more like an adult once you're a senior so chilling with them is way more fun, I got to relax in most of my classes since I'd already been accepted to my top university choice—it was just a great time all around

C) honestly this is gonna sound dumb but about a month back it was like 1:30 am and I realized i needed something from CVS. the CVS I lived nearest to at the time was a 24 hour one, so I was like wait I could actually go to it right now. and even though i'm almost 22 sometimes I still pause when I'm about to go out late at night and think oh I need to ask permission I can't leave- but then I remember I'm an adult living in my own apartment with my own car and I can literally just go do stuff like that. there's nothing stopping me from going out drinking with friends and not coming back till 2 am, or going out to CVS at 1:30 in the morning, stuff like that. so yeah that's my favorite part of adulthood—being completely independent. least favorite part though is also gonna sound dumb, but it's getting sick. like, there's a lot that sucks about being an adult, but getting sick and not having anyone around to take care of you?? and knowing that you have to be the one to get up and make yourself food and buy yourself medicine and do your laundry because literally no one else will even though you feel like shit?? it sucks man just makes me wanna cry and hug my mom

D) I do still talk to my parents a lot!! rn I'm staying at my mom's again so I'm living with her, though since I am taking summer classes I'm gonna be going back down to my university apartment once I've gotten over covid. after my summer classes though im moving back in with her again for the forseeable future lol. but even when i'm at school we talk on the phone every few days, and i talk to my dad roughly around once a week?? maybe once every other week?? like he'll text to check in on me every few days but full phone calls or actual in person visits happen way less (although it's been like that with him since i was like 13ish so that's not anything new lol)

E) content creation is always my favorite part of being in a fandom. i love writing, it's my number one hobby and i genuinely don't know what to do with myself in my free time if i can't write. so being in a fandom gives me so much space to just put my work out there and actually get an audience for it!!

F) uhhh idk if you mean like in general gone to a doctor or have gone to the ER, but if we're talking ER then apparently when I was like 3 i had a super severe fever and had to go to the ER but I don't remember it?? otherwise i've pretty much never been to the ER. I have been to urgent care a few times, once in my freshman year of uni bc I got like 2 seconds away from fainting in the middle of my campus dining hall and I had to call my roommate to come get me and take me to the urgent care center on campus, and then in my sophomore year I got really sick for like a solid month and a half and ended up going like 3 times in a single week so that sucked, but I ended up recovering just fine!! if we're talking like actual hospitalization, when I was 5 i had to get my tonsils and adenoids removed, so I stayed in the hospital for like a day or something after that, but that's about it

#ask #mushroom anon #long post

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purplerose244 · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on Seabound!!! 🌊🌊🌊 (2/4)

SPOILERS ALERT!!!

For now, nothing to complain about! We got Nya, we got MAYA AND RAY, we got GILES PANTON BACK A LEGO SHOW!!! 😍😍😍

Of course now I'm definitely curious about what the story is really about, like I'm guessing Wojira will wake up at some point so... Great Devourer all over again maybe? 😅 Idk, for now I just wanna enjoy Nya having her moment 🥳

Alright, here we go!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

New alert for reader, during the Nexo Knights period I was and still am the hugest Clay fan. Now that his voice is in this season I might scream more than necessary... keep that in mind 😅

I love the humor in this, all random but still kinda clever 😂😂 Maybe I'm biased because I love Jay but still 🤷‍♀️

I really like the design of the marine world, very cool!! 🌊🌊🌊

I guess I'm not really seeing any big plot twist moment for now? Ninjago seasons have history of basing seasons on a "we need to prevent this event from happening but it will happen anyway", so I can see Wojira waking up no matter what 🤷‍♀️

I wonder if that will be shocking? Usually when this situation happen, someone makes a major sacrifice (Zane with the Overlord, sensei Garmaron with Chen, again sensei G with the Preeminent...). Maybe Maya? I DON'T WANT THAT 😭 But I am curious, everything is going nicely and I'm not sure what it will bring! 🤩 I'M EXCITED SO LET'S GO!!!

THE WRATH OF KALMAAR

So this is the name of Clay's new incarnation, neat! 👍

Okay really, for having a season lately the main character just can't help but be trapped by the villain: kinda Zane in the ICE Chapter, Jay in Prime Empire, Cole in Master of the Mountain... we can call it a tradition at this point 🤷‍♀️

Giant serpent, yadda yadda, I wonder if we're gonna address the Great Devourer at some point? Not mandatory, but the reference would be very cool 🤩

Clay's new incarnation is a prince I- *hyperventilates in awe*

Nya playing dumb lol, I don't know if that's personal experience as she used to get kidnapped a lot in the past or she just have too many idiots in her life 😂

ALSO ANOTHER BEST GIRL'S SMIRK

NYA YOU'RE TOO MUCH ILY ❤💙❤💙

Jay I love that you're so worried about Nya but maybe try NOT TO DIE? YOU'RE WITH LLOYD AND ZANE YET YOU'RE THE ONE GOING FOR THE SACRIFICE WTH?? 😱 But he's worried about his cool GF I kinda get it, also he didn't do it so good...

WHAT. THE. HECK.

WHO ARE YOU OH MY FIRST SPINJITZU MASTER YOU'RE ADORABLE I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU YOU ABSOLUTE CUTIE 🤩🤩🤩

So Giles is doomed to voice LEGO characters with daddy issues 😂 That being not having a dad at all or having one that is... a good guy? Idk he seems chill with the surface at first glance, I wonder what's the story of this family

Maya reminds of my mom, she also mentions her work a lot and I study the same thing. But she doesn't want to brag, it gets annoying but she just wants to give me advice. It's nice to see actually 👍 Also Ray reference NEAT ❤❤❤

Wow, if any child-parent couple of this show was doomed at going semi Emperor's New Groove style, I would've bet on Ed and Jay honestly 😅

Oh HECK yes I knew that with my water girls things were BOUND to get cool 😎 ... yeah I know where the door is *goes away*

JAY NO WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TRYING TO DIE STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!! 😱😱😱

My GOSH that scared the crap out of me 😅 Jay honey we have too many deaths in this team, you're not helping... BUT YOU POWERED AN ENTIRE SHIP BECAUSE YOU LOVE NYA AND YOU DIDN'T DIE AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BLUEBELL 💙💙💙

They were all so worried, I love this ninja family so freaking much 💜💜💜 Also better not tell this one to his GF 😂

And Bluebell?

Welcome to the "change eye color because of elemental power" team! WE GOT ANOTHER ONE I LOVE WHEN IT HAPPENS!!! 😍😍😍

Awww, Zane letting Jay be the captain, that was so cute of him 💕

Another great episode! Doing great so far but I still wonder if we got into the main story. Feels like there should be more, well we got time! Next one! 😊

LONG LIVE THE KING

Sooooo... that's one very telling title 😅 If we're going full Lion King on this one, I think I know where this is going 😵

Maya: Don't they know that metal taste terrible?!? (Again feels like Kai could say something like this 😂)

FINALLY NYA USING FREAKING WATER POWERS UNDER THE SEA!!! Thank you Maya for saying out loud what we were all thinking 👌👌

NINJA TO THE RESCUE!!!

Pff, okay, the fact that Kalmaar is all evil and cruel and then he gets startled like that, it's kind or adorable! 💕 Honestly Giles got such a deep voice, with Clay it was firm warm and reassuring, here we got plain devious and I ADORE it 😍😍😍

Maya come on don't doubt your daughter 😅 But I like her, and if she knew Nya they way we all do she wouldn't doubt that she could make it every time 😎

Yeah I was right, the king seems chill... oww I fear what's coming then 😳

Okay, so Kalmaar thinks that the world should go back to be lead by them like in the past, while the king just wants peace with the surface. And as we know, no drama no season so...

Yep, saw the death coming 😅

WHOA DID NOT SEE THAT LITTLE BLAME ACT COMING KALMAAR IS SO EVIL!!!... with a glorious voice but still (Rose focus on something that is not that godlike voice, you can do it 💪💪)

THE OLD ONE TWO I LOVE THIS SO MUCH COMBO ATTACK!!! 🌊❄🌊❄

Awww Benthomaar is actually really cute, he's so worried about his father 😢 And he's adopted apparently? I wanna know the story!!! 🤩🤩

Yep, there's the reason why Zane got a mask even though he doesn't need one, it completes his attire 😂😂😂 My gosh how I love this nindroid ❄

Did... did Jay just say phooey? Dude Ducktales ended a while ago but I'm still not over it 😭

I said it once before I'll say it again, Ninjago is really REALLY good at making death scenes. Like, omg, I genuinely felt sorry for them 😢😢 I also really liked that the king didn't ask to be avenged, he still wanted peace and he asked his son to protect the ninja and he cried actual tears...

MY HEART WTH 😭😭😭 So we're adding this to the real tears moments of the show, with Jay crying over pie, Zane with the flashback of his dad, Jay crying over Nya and Lloyd thinking the ninja are gone... my world this show is angsty 🙂

Third startle for prince Kalmaar, I love the gag 😂 Oh wait, king Kalmaar 🤷‍♀️

Okay, we got a coup, the ninja running away because they got framed, Benthomaar is most likely going to join them or at least help them, I guess Wojira will come out at some point while... Kai, Ray and Cole are still playing videogames? 😅

THIS IS GETTING COOL I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT AAAAHHH HECK YES THERE IS THE HYPE!!! 😍😍😍

Although I hope we get more stuff with Nya and Maya, that's what I like 🤩

ESCAPE FROM MERLOPIA

I'm good at English and I can follow most of it, but the fantasy names are tricky so I didn't get before that this was the name of the place 😅 It's nice, at least it's not another Atlantis 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

LLOYD I SWEAR TO YOUR GRANDPA IF YOU TRY TO DIE AGAIN 😱

NYA YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SUBSTITUTE NONE OF YOU ARE OMG 😱😱

Ah, there he is, my new son Benthomaar 💙 He is so lovable already, I know nearly nothing about him and I like his character already a lot! He could relate with all of the ninja really, but maybe with Jay the most? They were both adopted after all 🤔🤔

*scribble note for a fanfic for later if this doesn't come up in the season*

Alright moving on 😗

I am so happy Nya gets a season, Kelly got a great emotional range that doesn't come out often in my opinion, but with a full introspection of water goddess we are all blessed by her voice acting 😍

Gotta say, admitting that Bentho didn't have to help them to answer the usual 'Can we trust him' question is pretty reasonable, like, better than other stupid answers 😅

Also don't mind me

Just screenshotting by ship 💙❤💙❤

Somehow lately we are letting Jay do the talking and I both hate and LOVE the fact 😂😂 Plain Bluebell nonsense, heck yes that's my jam👌👌

MAYA IS SO COOL OMG 🤩🤩

I literally can't not laugh at the startle gag with Kalmaar 😂

LLOYD WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT SELF SACRIFICING!! PLEASE IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR SEASON!! 😱😱😱😱

Aww Jay is still the Captain, nice! Wonder if it's giving him Skybound flashbacks... I hope not considering all he went through that time, poor Sparky 😅😅

ARE THOSE LITTLE WU ROCKETS?? 🤯

Can we skip a season and hang out with Pixal one time? I really wanna know how she organizes her free time to create these things 😍😍😍

THANK YOU LLOYD FOR NOT DYING ONCE AGAIN, MUCH APPRECIATED!!! 💚💚💚 My green bean needs a vacation... they all do 😅

THEY ARE

SO BEAUTIFUL 💙🌊💙🌊

Alright, back to the island hoping Kalmaar will not track us and follow us so he can get to the place and discover the amulet 🙂

Are we not calling the others? I miss my flame babe and Rocky ❤🖤❤🖤 Also RAY WATCHA DOIN I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING 🤩🤩

THE TALE OF BENTHOMAAR

Wait what? Shark boy backstory? SHARK BOY BACKSTORY?!? 👀👀👀

Wow, I see that Kalmaar didn't change a thing growing up, still the same gonna-be-a-villain 😂 Of course his voice got a lot deeper and cool and okay you know I love his voice moving on

I find it kinda funny that Kalmaar is so focused on royal blood and superiority, while Clay was basically a farm boy who worked his way up. Giles knows how to get the character no matter what 😍

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

BABY BENTHOMAAR AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

The king seems like such a good pers- fish- creature 😅 Now I'm double sad that he died, my world, why do I always care so fast, it's not healthy in this show where everyone could die 😰😰

I'M SORRY IS THAT KAI'S HAIR??? 😂😂😂 I LITERALLY CAN'T LOOK AWAY WTH I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS

Literally every frame of Benthomaar makes me love him even more 😢

Interesting that we got an academic villain, he kinda reminds me of Clouse in a way, maybe even Harumi since she studied her way to her plan as well? I like that we got a bit of personality too!

Using your little bro for your own purpose... it's very evil but kinda also brotherly like 😂

Benthomaar really gives me that very PRECIOUS vibe, kinda the perfect son but also a naive and unaware BABY 💙

LEGO HUG 🤩🤩 Not exactly reciprocated but still 😅

Ooohhh, so this is how he found the temple! I like this, it shows that Bentho is most likely physically stronger than Kalmaar, while evil brother is focused on brain and studies. They are planned differently, I like it! 😚😚

Ouch, peer pressure... sibling pressure? Eh you get what I mean 😂

POOR BENTHO 😭😭😭 YOU GOT THE NINJA NOW DON'T WORRY WE'RE NEVER GONNA LEAVE YOU ALONE YOU PRECIOUS SHARK BABY!! 🦈🦈🦈

Bentho: will I really fit in with you guys? Do you really understand how I feel?

Lloyd: Jay was adopted, Nya's parents were gone most of her life, Zane lost his father while mine turned evil

Bentho(tearing up): yeah that can work

Okaaaaayyyyy, I like that we got a bit of backstory for Bentho too! We didn't get much for Vanya in Master of the Mountain, which is the only thing I was sad about (very little detail, AMAZING season 🖤🖤🖤), nice to see it here!!

But I really want more Nya and Maya interactions, I hope we'll soon get to them again!! 😍😍😍

Alright, getting somewhere here! I'm very curious about what's next 🤩🤩

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chibimyumi · 4 years

Note

I hope you're doing well

I have questions if you don't mind

Who do like Axel von Fersen in Marie Antoinette or Axel von Fersen in 1789 les amants de la bastille and also do you like Marie Antoinette in Marie Antoinette or in 1789 les amants de la bastille

Thank you for answering my questions

Dear Anon,

I am doing well, thank you very much! I hope you too.

Hmmm, as a quick answer I would say I prefer both Marie and Fersen from ‘Toho MA’, but the full answer is slightly more complicated.

Firstly, it is almost unfair to compare them to each other because in MA they are the main characters, whereas in 1789 they are main-support or secondary-mains at best.

Secondly, MA has a far bigger focus on the characters because that is what drives the plot, while the opposite is true for 1789, which mainly sells a spectacle. I myself am more fan of subtle and deep story-telling rather than spectacular shows, so the MA versions of Marie and Fersen are more to my liking.

Thirdly, the quality of the characters also depends greatly on the cast. My first view of MA is the A-cast, and therefore my impression of the characters is that they are incredibly well written. After comparison with other casts however, I started to wonder whether it was just the A-cast being too good, and the musical itself being ‘fine’. (In short; I’m not fully sure how much I’d ‘clearly’ have preferred MA Marie and Fersen were it not for A-cast. Click here for a comparison between the two casts written by my friend @wildandwhirlingwords)

But, I shall go into more detail for both characters why MA’s version appeals more to me - someone who enjoys character writing most.

🌹Marie Antoinette🌹

M.A. 2018

In my opinion Marie Antoinette is better in MA because you see her journey and her motivations. We all know that the historical Queen screwed up majorly, but in MA we see why, and in what ways she indeed had very little other choice from her own perspective. She was a flawed foreign woman in a time and place where flawed foreign women were hated most.

In the beginning of the musical the King comes tell Marie that she’d have to live more economically. Marie is clearly not very enthusiastic to hear that, but she also never protests. She just asks ‘why’ and then accepts the answer - albeit broodingly. More importantly however: we need to keep in mind that despite being called Madam Deficit, the historical Marie Antoinette was actually quite economical at first because the Austrian court where she comes from was way less extravagant than the French. It was after her marriage into French royalty that she became more extravagant, because she was criticised for “not being a proper royal” by the French. According to the court, the 14 year old Marie was “a peasant unworthy of becoming Queen.” When you’re that young and criticised by your entire new life, you do everything in your power to make sure you can actually have a life; you adapt. So when Marie was then suddenly told to stop ‘adapting and be a proper Queen worthy of the French”, we can see why more is at stake than “Karen needs to deal with only 10 dresses a week.”

Something else that adds depth to her character as opposed to her 1789 counterpart is that as the story progresses, Marie actually grows. She becomes more mature and more serious, and you see in her how all the events have a clear toll on her. From her own perspective, she really was trying very hard, but anything she tried was inadequate to improve the situation. What she didn’t know is that no matter how hard she tried, the situation was already un-salvageable before she was even born. The populace AND the court had already decided to hate her for being an unintelligent foreign woman from an enemy state, after all. This is an insight most historians nowadays agree on.

In a later scene where Margrid confronts Marie, she asks the Queen: “what makes you think you are better than us?” Marie confirms nor denies, but replies: “I am merely Queen as I was appointed by God.” When she adds: “All I know is duties, you are free,” there is also a clear sense she genuinely doesn’t know why she was appointed by God, but as she is now, all she can do is her best. She is still ignorant, which was a genuine problem about her. She does not know the hardships of not being from the top rank, allowing her say something as insensitive as: “at least you’re free.” But again, despite her ignorance, her feelings are sincere. From all the unfair expectations she was made to live up to from age 14, you really do see why ‘a life without duties’ seemed so much more appealing to her.

1789 - The Lovers of the Bastille

Marie in 1789 is more of a side-character, and the musical itself just is not very character/story driven as MA is. 1789 has the tendency to take the tropiest of tropes and stay on surface level with the characters. Ouki Kaname is an incredibly good actress and she tries her best; but she cannot do more than the script gives her to work with.

In this musical Marie is not portrayed in a very relatable or sympathetic light. She is extravagant because she has escapist fantasies, but we don’t really see what she’s escaping from. The sympathy from the audience is supposed to be drawn from the tragedy that she’s married to the King but is in love with Fersen. Oh, and she has a son but he’s mortally ill. Meanwhile however, you don’t see how her life is so bad she needs to escape... and you also don’t see Marie really being worried about her son than an occasional: “Oh Ill again? Sucks I guess. Gotta cry my eyes out on my lover’s lap, AHHH FERSEN 💗” It was not until her son had already died that Marie woke up, but the lack of portrayal of Marie’s perspective and the pacing really makes one legitimately wonder whether the child did not just die of Marie’s neglect. And about the forbidden love ...we’ve seen enough love triangles with star-crossed-lovers... I don’t know about you guys, but I am numbbbbb to this “problem”.

When Marie receives message from Olympe that she finally gets to meet her lover after a long separation at the Palais Royal, one of the first things she says is: “is that not the place where revolutionaries and prostitutes are gathered?” This immediately sets up an empathy-barrier between her and the common people. This Marie clearly views herself too good for people who do anything to get by; why would you care about her then? Because Marie’s story is not fleshed out you don’t see parts that can make you go: “oh, the revolutionaries really hate her for reasons beyond her control, she is in danger.” Or “she was raised by a puritan society, making her hate on sex-workers; that’s part of her character flaw.” Instead it’s just this Diva being quite judgemental.

Ouki was trying very hard to make the focus about her own safety, but with the script being what it is... she’s still a mostly unsympathetic character who is a martyr of forbidden love.

There is one scene where we see her take on a much more mature and responsible role. That was the first time I personally felt like Marie from 1789 is an actual human being with feelings and personal difficulties. But in great part this is Ouki’s acting... (the other cast didn’t do much for me). What is also important is that Marie was ‘humbled’ because her son died. Marie did not have much of a personal growth, and then she changes to a more sympathetic person because of an external factor just... feels less earned.

In the finale Marie appears again in her execution clothes, and the way Ouki appeared really felt like a punch in the gut. She sings “as a recompense for our griefs, people have learnt forgiveness.” However, the story skimped over the characters so much I was left to wonder: “who learned to forgive whom?” Do you think the people forgave you? Or was there somebody you hated but now learned to forgive? What was your grudge? Do you understand the angry mob’s grudge?

The finale of the musical treats like after the heroic sacrifice of the protagonist (Ronan) the oppressive monarchy was replaced by a good democracy, and a Reign of Terror will DEFINITELY not happen under Robespierre or something. But if you’ve had a BIT of European history you just know it’s a blatant lie. So the finale just feels too simplistic, and this simplistic feeling was in part presented by Marie’s very empty, lip-service-y line.

⚔️Hans Axel von Fersen⚔️

M.A. 2018

Fersen is a bit harder to compare which version is better, because honestly, depending on who plays Fersen in MA, Fersen is either the most generic Hollywood sweeping-lover-hero, or a diamond mine to excavate. In the same post linked above by my friend, she explains in detail the differences between TashiroFersen and FurukawaFersen. K-musical fans, don’t @ me, but from what I can tell, the Korean Fersens are also very... typical.

In this post I have discussed Furukawa’s Fersen in great detail, so I shall skip over these for this post. But to summarise, when portrayed by Furukawa at least, Fersen in MA is very nuanced and restrained. Even if we do not fully credit Furukawa however, then at the very least the script allows enough space and material for an actor to flesh him out so phenomenally well (I think Tashiro and some other actors just.... really missed out on the potential).

Fersen in MA incredibly memorable because the main atmosphere of the imminent doom awaiting everyone is carried by him in a way nobody else does. The moment Fersen enters you feel the tension that the musical wishes to tell. Fersen has seen revolutions, he’s seen the power of anger; he knows shit is going to hit the fan because he’s familiar with this trajectory.

Fersen has excellent self control because he knows how a lack thereof would hurt Marie’s reputation and escalate the growing chaos. You can see very clearly how Fersen does want the intimacy, but to him duty and the grander picture has priority. In all the small actions from Fersen you see how he is a savvy intellectual through and through. (More about reservation later).

In contrast to 1789, we also get to see so much more of Fersen in MA because he is the narrator and a main character. Throughout the musical he’s been trying to de-escalate the chaos and even though his plans were actually well thought-out, the problems were just simply too big for any one person to solve. When Fersen mourns Marie there is a clear sense that he is not really surprised, just really upset that things had to come so far. Instead of singing something accusatory to the angry and hungry people, he sings: “fate, why did you give her everything, only to show her hell in the end?” Fersen truly understands why the people were duly angry, but that not taking away his sorrow of losing Marie who he knows is a better person than people make her out to be.

Also in great contrast to 1789, the finale of MA is rather grim. It does not suggest hope or that all problems will eventually disappear. The story for these people have ended, but the problems and the world will continue to our days, and days far beyond ours. It gives a feeling that the world of MA is so extensive that we - the audience - are part of it. In the finale when we see Fersen again, he also stays in tune with this feeling. “How can the problems of the world be solved, what is true justice? We remain clueless” he sings, and the way he looks into the unknown distance is almost a reminder to us that nobody has reason to stop worrying and fight for justice.

1789 - the Lovers of the Bastille

Now if we were to compare MA’s Furu Fersen to 1789′s Fersen, we see a stark contrast between the two. Where Furusen was incredibly reserved and hyper aware of everything, 1789′s Fersen is just the over-romantic lover who had been pining for his love. For a moment Marie realises she probably should not be cheating on her husband and backs away. Fersen however, is the one to make further advances, actively pulling her back to his side.

When he embraces Marie you see how he is just dreaming and indulging, something Furusen would never do. Furusen might hug Marie, but not without sh*tting 50 colours. 1789′s Fersen is the sweeping Romeo that most of history makes him to be, and little more. But again, Fersen plays but a very small role in 1789, so it is also unfair to compare him to MA’s Fersen.

Regardless of whatever nuance might or might not be there however, it is also just quite hard to like this Fersen because he is ‘just another privileged aristocrat who is just needy’. When making out with Marie in Palais Royale they find out that Ronan fell asleep there drunk. Ronan simply complained that Marie was too loud and woke him, and Fersen immediately shuts him up, and then draws his sword at him for ‘speaking rudely’.

First of all Fersen and Marie, if you’re gonna do a clandestine meeting, you CHECK your surroundings. Second of all, FERSEN Ò.Ó, this peasant is untrained and weaponless; you can’t just unleash your high-ranking martial arts at him with a shiny sword. This is EXACTLY the reason the revolution happened; the people were sick of the suppression of the powerless by the powerful. UGHUM. It truly is mind-blowing to consider how 1789 Fersen and MA Fersen are both...Fersens.

This Fersen is not very involved with the revolution from either side. He just proposes to help Marie and the King escape once, but got dismissed immediately. The following time we see him it is in the finale.

There he stands, a knight in shiny armour singing a really hopeful phrase to a relatively upbeat and hopeful music: “do not rely on force, but seek for hope and courage.” Here again unlike with MA’s Fersen, you don’t really feel like this Fersen has experienced anything. It was like he was an employed special guard, told by his boss there’s nothing he needed to do, his boss is dead, and oh wellll, moving on!

Conclusion

Because Marie and Fersen in MA are main characters whose stories are fleshed out, it really is very unfair to compare them to their 1789′s counterparts in a race of ‘who is better’. In the end of the day, 1789′s aim is to sell a spectacle, and it realllly is a phenomenal piece if you’re there for the spectacle. The choreography, songs, stage, everything is masterpiece-level. So if you’re there for the spectacle you get exactly what you went there for. The story and characters however... not so much. If one is more drawn to a direct, glittery spectacle with hands-down-amazing-songs however, they’d probably find Marie and Fersen from 1789 more enjoyable. If you’re into first and impressive impressions, the MA counterparts might demand a BIT too much attention and patience to get into.

Introduction and character analysis Fersen ‘MA’ 2018

Comparative commentary on MA Cast M and Cast A

#Marie Antoinette #Hans Axel von Fersen #Fersen #MA #1789 #comparative commentary #TOHO #musical #1789 les amants de la bastille

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himbowelsh · 4 years

Note

Thank you for answering my earlier questions! I know you've written for Grant and Talbert before (I cannot remember their ship name for the life of me) would you be willing to write any modern head cannons for them? Or any general relationship head cannons for them? Those two don't get enough love together! 🙂

gralbert. talbant. grantbert? tabant? fluck? there are no good options here.

Modern Headcanons (this turned into a coffeeshop au i’m sorry):

Grant’s really just vibing through life, to be honest. Out of all his friends, he’s the one who’s got his shit most together, and that’s something to be proud of. So what if he’s still not sure exactly where he wants to be in ten years, or how he’s going to get there? It’s enough to just... exist in the moment.

That moment, currently, puts him in charge of managing a small coffee shop which has become the social hub for his entire social circle. Not only is he making great cash, he gets to stay connected with old friends and meet new people every day. Plus... he’s never short on coffee? Literally nothing to complain about.

It’s not that he doesn’t feel... well, connected is the wrong word, because he definitely is. There are just times when he feels... lonely. Chuck’s got a lot of friends, but he’s also the sort of guy who could stand in the middle of a crowded room and suddenly feel like he’s the only one there --- like no one’s really looking at him at all.

He craves attention, affection, warmth.

That’s when Dog Boy happens.

In Chuck’s defense, Dog Boy is a complete accident. The coffee shop is just supposed to be a canine free zone... so he’s completely baffled to see a guy walk in with at least five dogs, all on leashes, and order an iced coffee to go.

The guy definitely seems like he’s in a hurry --- like he really, really needs a coffee --- but Chuck can only stare. “Are those all supposed to be service dogs?” he asks.

“Um,” Dog Boy says.

Chuck points to the sign on the wall, which very clearly reads the coffee shop’s animal policy. Dog Boy lets out a weird noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Okay, I’m sorry, I know, but can I please please just get an iced coffee?”

It looks like he has his hands full. More than full. This coffee is going to end up spattered on a sidewalk somewhere, and Dog Boy will probably cry. He looks like he might cry right now, just for the hell of it.

Chuck gets him an iced coffee.

That should be the end of it, but a few days later, Dog Boy comes back. He doesn’t have any dogs in tow this go ‘round, but looks five times as relaxed --- which is really, really a good look on him --- and promptly deposits a twenty dollar bill in Chuck’s tip jar. “For you,” he declares, and winks.

Chuck just stares at him. “We, uhh --- we have to split the tips between everyone on shift, and there are, like, four other people here...”

“Christ,” says Dog Boy, and plucks the bill out of the tip jar --- can he do that? is that allowed? --- and tucks it in the pocket of Chuck’s apron. “For you. You saved my life the other day, with the coffee. Can’t tell you what sort of day I was having, but...”

He smiles, and it’s the ridiculous sort of smile that shouldn’t be allowed to exist on anyone who’s not in Hollywood --- casually blinding, bright enough to leave Chuck feeling warm all over.

If he had to pick the moment he knew he was in trouble... right there. There is it.

Floyd Talbert becomes a regular in the coffee shop after that. Turns out, he knows a startling amount of Chuck’s friends. It’s not long before Tab’s popping in nearly every day to joke around with Bill and Babe, cause trouble with Liebgott, or even confer quietly with Mr. Winters in the corner. Seeing Tab becomes one of the highlights of Chuck’s day; they never really talk, but he’s got his coffee order memorized, and everytime that bold smile flashes his way, he feels a little dizzy.

Is this... what it’s like to have a crush? Strange. Unnerving. Chuck hasn’t had a crush since middle school. Why now... and why, of people, on Talbert?

One look at him and that becomes a stupid question. Who wouldn’t have a crush on Talbert?

Chuck comforts himself with that knowledge ---- no doubt, Tab’s got girls lining up around the block. What interest would he have in a barista who always adds a little extra sugar to his coffee, just because that’s how he likes it?

Tab is the sort of guy who draws people to him like moths to a porch light; he’s dynamic and popular wherever he goes. Chuck has a tight group of friends who he sticks to like glue, and would do anything for; he’s always been more content to wait in the background, observing and working silently. He doesn’t enjoy the limelight. Tab attracts it.

There’s no way they’d work together, because Tab would never notice him.

Until the day Smokey Gordon comes up to the counter with a big grin on his face, and drops something in the tip jar. “Just for you,” he declares, and winks.

It’s a folded up piece of paper... and there’s a phone number written on it. Chuck blinks for a moment, confused, before putting two and two together. Smokey gave him the number as soon as Tab left the shop.

He texts it that night. “smokey gave me this number... this is chuck, the barista from the coffee shop” Waiting restlessly on his balcony with a cigarette in hand, bouncing his leg like it’s running a marathon... Chuck has nothing to do but hold his breath.

Suddenly, the phone buzzes. It startles his cat into falling off the table. Chuck nearly jumps out of his skin.

“why am i not surprised? typical smokey” comes the response, followed by a startlingly accurate bitmoji. (He uses those instead of emojis? That’s kinda narcissistic but also really cute?)

After a moment of Chuck holding his breath, searching for how to reply (he’s a very slow texter, and it drives his friends insane) another message comes through from Tab.

“good thing he did tho, because i’d have spent a few more weeks working up the courage”

Chuck has a heart attack on the spot.

“honestly,” he replies, “i’d have skipped the number and gone straight to asking you to dinner”

“wow, a gentleman!!!” His enthusiasm is adorable. “sounds great to me. are you free friday? i know a great place for burgers”

It’s across the street from a 24-hour vet clinic.

That’s why Tab wanted to go there.

They make it through half an hour of the date with Tab obviously getting restless, and Chuck is terrified he’s boring him... until Tab abruptly sets his glass down on the counter and turns to Chuck, fresh brightness in his eyes. “Can we actually go somewhere else? I’ve got some friends you might like to meet.”

Tab works at the local vet clinic, and he’s the one tasked with walking all the dogs each afternoon. Usually they go in shifts, but on that particular day, Tab was in a rush and decided to take them all at once.

“They ran me all over town,” he declares, a funny note of pride in his voice. “I was that close to passing out... but then I saw the shop, and I saw you, and...”

He trails off, gnawing at his lower lip --- his hands are occupied roughhousing with a golden retriever, while a persistent beagle noses at his elbow. Chuck blinks at Tab over the head of an enthusiastic Yorkie, and feels something warm bloom in his chest.

“Next time, I decide the date location,” he declares. Tab grins, bright and blinding as a solar eclipse. To his own amazement, Chuck feels like he’s come home.

General Relationship Headcanons:

Chuck’s mellower than Floyd in a lot of ways. He’s less emotional, better at thinking things through; when their friends are causing havoc, Tab will eagerly be swept along in the chaos, while Chuck will follow to make sure no one causes too much trouble. They both know how to have fun, though, and have equally adventurous streaks that match well together. Hiking, rock climbing, bike riding... these are all dates they’d enjoy.

Floyd appreciates Chuck’s honesty. Sometimes he can be too blunt (”What do you think of these jeans?” “Eh, you’ve worn better.”), but he never beats around the bush, and there’s never any question whether Floyd can trust his judgement. Chuck says what he thinks, and means what he says.

Floyd is gentler in a lot of ways, and this is something Chuck isn’t used to. He’s never... been taken care of before. He’s never been doted on. Floyd loves doting on him, and this takes a lot of getting used to.

Chuck is the first one to say “I love you”, and it shocks them both. Sure, they’d been thinking it for a while, but... Chuck never thought he’d find the courage to voice it, but it slips out almost unconsciously. Floyd pauses in the middle of making dinner... then chuckles softly, almost to himself, and glances back over his shoulder. “Love you too,” he replies, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. To both their surprises... it is.

Floyd’s morals run deep, and he’s got a sensitive side that’s easily stoked. Tug on his heartstrings, and he’s open to anything... which scares Chuck, who doesn’t trust as easily. Floyd’s more than capable of taking care of himself, but a part of Chuck feels like he needs to protect him from getting hurt. That’s impossible. The first time something hits Floyd hard, and he’s left pacing into the early hours of the morning, chewing his lip raw and agonizing over what he could have done differently, Chuck stays up with him. He doesn’t try to stop him, doesn’t try to calm him down... but when Tab finally collapses in a chair, exhausted, Chuck’s the one who coaxes him up and to bed.

After that, it’s his turn to take care of Floyd. This is a role he falls into with much more ease... and Floyd, as it turns out, enjoys being pampered as much as he does giving the love.

#i-am-a-lost-girl16 #chuck grant #floyd talbert #band of brothers #headcanons #grant/talbert #im so sorry this took a hot second but hope you enjoy!!!!

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savingoursanity · 4 years

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hi i saw you answer this type of asks so i was wondering, have you ever heard of a mental issue such as feeling non-stop shame no matter what you do? I thought I was a super emberassing person because I felt guilty and ashamed after most of interactions with people (don't even get me started on how I was feeling when I actually did something embarrasing...) but according to what I see/hear from some of my friends etc. they did similar stuff and don't feel the same. Idk what to do anymore (1/3)

Since this ask came in 3 parts I’m just going to put the whole thing here first before answering so that the whole context can be better understood.

because it becomes a big issue for me. i can't talk with people about anything besides a small-talk or otherwise I will feel ashamed for at least two weeks. I can't talk about any of my issues/problems out loud because then I think I overshared and sometimes I avoid people I think I "overshared" to because I feel so much guilt. It really keeps me from doing a lot of stuff and generally i can't remember a time of my life where I wouldn't say I embarassed myself infront of someone/myself (2/3)

The only thing I found online was that it's linked with anxiety, but I 100% sure don't have anxiety. I'm actually very confident around people and I like going out and I like parties and I don't get panic attacks and I am not shy AT ALL. So it makes me wonder, maybe feeling this shame is normal? Or maybe I am just sensivite? Or is it actually some mental thing that may have a solution? Anyways thank you for reading this and i hope you have a good day (3/3)

Now that that’s all out there I have to say this was a really interesting ask so thank you so much for opening up about this!

I will be totally honest I do find it quite surprising that you mention not identifying with anxiety or anxious traits at all given how strong your feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment seem to be. Of course in the end you know yourself best so I’m not trying to contradict you here or anything.

However, I would like to suggest to maybe keep an open mind about it. Sometimes we have a very fixed idea of what something means or is and we don’t see how it applies to us until it does. This may not apply to you in the end but I know for myself that for the longest time the term adhd meant absolutely nothing to me and I would have never thought it would apply to me. But now that I actually know what adhd is and looks like and have talked to other people with it I see just how much it totally is me 100%. Again, this might not be your case, and honestly if it’s the label anxiety that bothers you then we can skip that and focus on the rest of the issue at hand.

I can’t say that I recognize any specific mental issue just with what you’re describing, but honestly having a set diagnosis or label for things might not be entirely necessary either so I’m going to work with what I’ve got.

First things first I want to reassure you that feeling shame, in essence, is not a bad or abnormal thing. All feelings have a reason and are allowed to exist. It’s when those feelings become excessive and start to take over your life that we start to question the presence of a bigger problem. In your case I’m fairly certain I can say that it seems you show stronger and more intrusive feelings of shame than the average person does. That doesn’t mean I think you’re broken or wrong or anything, just that that’s something you personally deal with, just like we all have our issues we also deal with.

The main thing that sticks out to me is that I’m very curious where all this shame, guilt or embarrassment come from. You might want to look into the term “cognitive distortions”, because I think you might see yourself in those. To put it simply, a cognitive distortion is when we convince ourselves of something that isn’t true or doesn’t reflect reality. In your case, it sounds like you convince yourself that you did something wrong when you overshare or do something that you feel is embarrassing, and as a result you feel shame.

The reason cognitive distortions are so strong is because the thought patterns are wrapped tightly in emotional baggage. By this it can mean that you have had personal experiences in your past that have greatly affected you (or even current situations still going on). In other words, someone somewhere at some point said something that stayed with you and became a thought pattern that causes an strong emotional reaction. How strongly someone reacts emotionally is a personal to each individual and is often described by how ‘sensitive’ a person is. In the end what sensitive really means is just how strongly are you affected by what happens around you (by events or what people say or what you believe they are thinking).

By knowing yourself well you’re better able to see what is more a you issue (aka your own emotional reaction) and what may actually be linked to the specific experiences you’ve had (like the type of upbringing you had).

So to come back to cognitive distortions. The good news is basically everyone has them to some degree. For some people though they’ll have a lot more and they’ll have a bigger impact in their life, which just might be what you’re dealing with.

Another good thing is that there are ways of working on cognitive distortions. One thing with that though is that you likely can’t go at it alone at least not completely. The thoughts in your head can seem very convincing after all, trying to not believe them when you’re the one who created them in the first place can quickly turn into rocket science. This is where having someone to talk about these kinds of things is super important. Sometimes all it takes is to say it out loud to someone else and hearing it to realize “hey, you know what, that thought makes absolutely no sense”. Other times the thoughts are harder to unstick and really require another person to be able to (gently and lovingly) call out your flawed logic and help you work through untangling the thoughts and emotions.

You’ve mentioned that talking about your issues/problems is something that is hard for you, so I feel like that would likely be one of the first hurdles you’ll want to focus on. You don’t need to have a bunch of people to talk about this kind of stuff either, even just one or two people can be enough to get the ball rolling. What you’re going to be looking for in someone to help with this is the type of person I like to call ‘sounding boards’. You basically want someone you trust and who is willing to listen to you just rattle off whatever thoughts are going through your mind, no matter what those thoughts may be. You’re going to want someone you feel comfortable with and who is able to reassure you that you aren’t oversharing if you talk about this stuff. I know non judgmental people can be hard to come by but they exist. Keep in mind that this is also where professionals such as counselors and therapists are very helpful as they are trained specifically for these kinds of things.

Now if the thought of talking to someone about this feels to hard or scary that’s okay. Putting all of this into an ask may already be a huge step for you so don’t feel the need to yeet yourself outside of your comfort zone all at once. This is why the online format is so nice, it can offer you a level of anonymity if that’s something that personally helps you feel comfortable enough to open up about these kinds of issues. You can also simply start out by writing your thoughts out in more of a journal style if you aren’t ready to share it with someone else just yet. However I do suggest that you try to find someone if you can because that is more likely to do the most help in the end.

Now for some shameless self promo where I say that I am more than willing to be an ear to you or anyone else who may need one and my dm’s are always open. I’ve been know to be a pretty decent sounding board and I assure you that I maintain a strict confidentiality clause (morally if not professionally). I’m not here to judge, I’m just here to listen, because we all deserve that.

I hope this could help in some form or fashion and as always thank you guys for trusting me with your asks and feel free to send them anytime. Take care all you wonderful people and remember that you are valid and that you matter <3

#ask #shame #guilt #embarrassment #cognitive distortions

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automaticstudentmiracle-blog · 7 years

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•IEW, should or shouldn't be delicate at all?• Hi, I'm Mentari. I'm an alumni of 16/17 KL-YES Program to the USA. I was hosted in Belleville, Illinois. Through this writing, I want to happily share my personal-experience-based stories regarding to the most awaited moment of all exchange students all over the world. Exactly. International Education Week. Happy International Education Week for all exchange students! *cheers* First of all, today was a year ago the kick-off night of IEW was held, November 13, 2017 in one of our mate's host family's house in Shiloh, Illinois. My IEW was started with the International Cuisine Night. In my cluster we consisted of fourteen exchange students who came from various countries (Indonesia, Israel, Kazakhstan, Kyrgystan, Moldova, India, and Armenia), and we were all organized by one very cool Placement Organization named World Link Inc. Why do I say so? First, I'm not paid to say that, because that's legit true. Second, because World Link has successfully helped me trace out my development(s) during the program. For me, especially Cyndi (my local coordinator) and Kristin--a huge and hard shoutout to them two--who have worked the best out of them to take care of all of us until the very last day of our presence in the US. Anyway, that International Cuisine Night, though, was taken in so much energy and synergy to introduce each of our countries through cuisines. The hostess (Cyndi & Nickie) also cordially invited each of our host families to celebrate and try our international cuisines for free. Yes, F R E E. Don't you wonder what I cooked in that time? Inhale. Exhale. Ayam Kecap or Chicken Shimmered in a Sweet Indonesian Soy Sauce. Seriously. This idea started off of my thought about what mom's food I missed the most in that time. Something sweet, but not too sweet. Something spicy, but not too spicy. Then popped up in my head, that, Ayam Kecap. A week before that night, I seriously surfed on the internet to figure out the closest recipe like my mom usually has back home. Boom! I found it! You can access the recipe here for the sake of your reference in case you have no idea at all: https://www.google.co.id/amp/s/anotherdish.com/2013/08/25/chicken-simmered-in-a-sweet-indonesian-soy-sauce-ayam-kecap/amp/ I brainstormed hard and I finally left to go to one Asian market in St. Louis, Missouri, named Jay's Market which was 20 minutes drive from my home, to buy some ingredients and stuffs. I got pretty much some things, such as Indonesian soybean sauce (Kecap Manis ABC) and shallots (bawang merah). In that time I did realize, I could be happy over simple things like this. Kick-off night: checked. Next stop was my school to present Indonesia through some speeches in presentations. Honestly though I only did three presentations during the IEW, which didn't reach my satisfaction point yet. But it was okay. I did my first presentation in my Public Speaking class, the second one in History class, and the third one in the library which was open for anyone at school to see. Everytime I initiated to do the presentation, I always wore Indonesian typical apparel, such as, or such as simple as, batik blazer, batik skirt, and kebaya. I spent relatively 25 minutes each presentation to talk and discuss about Indonesia with the audiences, also did I hold a little Q&A game with them after the presentation and one who could answer my question(s) right would get a piece of Indonesian money (Rp2,000,-). You know what, most of them got mad because of the money I gave them away, like, the typical question for them was,"OMG, are you sure you give me your money? Do you still have money after this? I just want to make sure you're good after all," which was followed with tender hugs afterward. I assume they said that because they thought Indonesia money got a lot of 0s and Rp2,000,- equaled to several hundreds US dollars, which was not true *lol*. Rp2,000,- is not even equivalent to $1. I explained all to them and they thanked me for such beautiful and remarkable gift from Indonesia. I spent the last day of IEW in a huge celebration of it in my school library which also invited other exchange students from other schools to collaborate created an International Day of The Week at school. I wore kebaya in that day, and my other friends also wore their beautiful traditional clothes. The school managed some stuffs so the exchange students could also display their nation-related stuffs during the event. I displayed my ID card (KTP), school ID card (kartu pelajar), Indonesian coins (receh), and some of Indonesian utensils (Pilot, Standard, pensil 2B, etc) in one medium size display window (etalase)--of course because I don't want anyone steal any of my 'traditional' belongings. Please no. Literally, prior to the IEW, I had cooked pretty much some meal for my host family at home and for a couple times brought the meals to school for lunch. Do you know what it was? Indomie. I mean, what else can typically depict Indonesia in a very quick and simple way? Indomie. Did I but the Indomie though? Nope, I didn't buy it, but my host dad did. He surprised me in my sixth week there by putting a box full Indomie he bought from Amazon in front of my room door. Yea, it was cute. And I miss him now. I'm about to cry. No. Anyway, let's summarize all these into dos and don'ts during the IEW for you whom are planning to manage the schedule, or still collecting up all the guts to conduct the presentations through some speeches in front of the mass. Let's start from the don'ts--so you have some pictures of bad things that'd happen if you do these. 1. Put information you don't specifically know or understand about Indonesia into your slides. It's such a big NO. Let's take one case as an example. You put in your slide, for example, that Indonesia got the 2nd big economy in the world, and then you don't further explain about it which left the audiences be empty about your information. Anyway though, it's somewhat unnecessary because people can basically google it by themselves and spot it right there. 2. Attach irrelevant pictures. Isn't it funny when you read about the traditional foods but then appear one picture of an Indonesian president in one same slide? It's silly. Please don't do that. 3. Miscalculate your presenting duration. I'm always cautious enough in determining the right amount of time for me to present the presentation in each class I targeted. Traditionally, when an exchange student has booked one special day to the teacher in one class to present about his/her country, class must not undergo casual teaching activity. So, don't disappoint your teacher because you say to him/her that you'll present for 15 minutes but in fact you go for another 15 minutes, because just in case she/he might plan some activities later after your thing. 4. Stuff up your slides with general information. Please, you come abroad to make Indonesian known in special way. Don't give information they should've known just by one simple click away on Google. Be specific and detail and original. 5. Skip the subjects. Tell me you aren't going to, or planning to do this, are you? Please don't let them left still wondering about some subjects that are attached in your slides but you get rid to present it just because you don't memorize the speech or information or explanation about it. Phew. Let's straight go to the dos stuffs. 1. Be knowledgable about your country! You are going to present about Indonesia, so you should learn more and more about it first before you speak about it. Am I right or am I right? Preferably don't use text or note while you're presenting, but this is actually up to you. 2. Pictures and videos can furnish your presentation for sure! Beautiful and original pictures or videos can also help you promote Indonesia to them. Your everyday pictures with your family, friends, teachers back home can be definitely attached into your slides to amaze the audiences (but please, not your selfies). You can also download some of the videos from Wonderful Indonesia on YouTube to be played. For example this one: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TT8J3wUX_YY. Ideally you don't need to attact a life-long 101 hours video, you just need like 2-4 minutes long videos therefore it also doesn't corrupt your presenting time. 3. Make agenda for when and where you'll go to present (and manage the right time with the teachers if you're planning to present at classes)! I used to have a small agenda note to create a timeline of when and where and what I'll present later, and how many audiences I expected to come to watch. Just don't ruin your vibe just because you don't manage your agenda correctly. Ugh, what a disaster. 4. Input the general points, assess, through speaking, the specific matters. You may input some general points only to outline your explanation, but please be specific when you speak or talk about it. Because through your explanation, they start getting to know how Indonesia is. 5. Be in right order. You aren't going to go from foods session to the geography part of Indonesia, are you? 6. BE CONFIDENT AND CLEAR. Your voice, posture, body languages, stage manners, and all. Please manage as best you can as possible. They'll see Indonesia through you, and they'll understand Indonesia through your eyes. So please be you and original. Wow. What a list. I hope you guys feel a little bit helped and can take some good points from what I've written here. And I wish you a very successful and lit IEW. Break a leg!

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