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troph4eum · 5 months

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Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

#music #philosophy #trophaeum #ilyjin #SoundCloud

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rainforestseed · 4 years

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um. i spent far too long on a post abowt jj being neurodiverse.

warning~ ableism ~ableist words mentioned~brief mentions of child abuse and violence...idk . this is just what i thunk n i wanna share. i ve been waiting for someone to talk about this so im just gonna go for it .. im gonna put it under read cause its a bit long

the scene before midsummers, with jj in his room freaking owt ~ he’s having a sensory meltdown. jj is trapped in this scene. he wouldn’t have been allowed to leave in his situation, luke wouldve likely hurt him again if he tried so locking himself in his bedroom was his safest option. But on top of his face likely throbbing with pain and feeling very scared, there was music playing loudly from downstairs and luke screaming over top of it. JJ was responding the same as i do when i have meltdowns from sensory overloads. Pacing, growling, panicking, screaming, pushing his hands into his ears to reduce sensory input while rubbing pressure into the back of his head, throwing things, kicking, self injurious behaviour.

i do all of these things during a meltdown. I often also spin, convulse, press into my eye sockets, punch my self in the face and throw my head against walls. I have no control over it and this scene hit close to home. JJ’s not only angry and hurt and scared here. he is completely unable to sort through and process his sensory input and the intensity of his feelings and emotions. Afterwards when he is leaving his bedroom luke is passed owt on the couch which shows quite a bit of time has passed and it’s quiet. JJ is still hunched over in his room recovering, crying, hypersensitive, exhausted and terrified.

i’ve seen a lot of descriptions of jj being short fuzed, ill tempered, hot headed, reckless, aggressive, impulsive, volatile. He’s also called ableist words like idiot, crazy, psycho, maniac, dumbass by all the characters. baby blue is just neurodivergent. he experiences feelings and emotions and sensations a lot differently from his friends, which is why he is often misunderstood and his thoughts and ideas and emotions are sometimes dismissed.

JJ had trouble reading the compass in episode 2. When he reads it he says “Reddle - Rout. No i think that’s an A” When Kie reads redfield without a beat JJ frowns a lil bit and just says “right” Rudy is dyslexic so mayhaps there is a connection :‐)

JJ becomes visibly distressed to loud sudden sounds, and when people raise their voice at or around him he doesn’t like it. When jjs friends are arguing around him he becomes incredibly distressed, like pacing..unable to look at what’s happening, grinding his teeth distressed. JJs friends are the only stability he has. So when there is tension between any of them or any threat to his family becoming less stable or falling apart or changing, he doesn’t like it. The panic and fear from sudden loud sounds might have to do with ptsd from being a victim of child abuse as well from having to watch his n his friends backs from getting hurt by kooks growing up .

JJ tactile stims. non stop. my stimming is different from jjs but also similar, im gonna try my best to understand his.

JJs rarely able to sit still and continuously seeks touch of some kind. He uses self stimulatory behaviours that help him focus when he’s thinking n listening and when he’s talking and to regulate his emotions when he’s feeling them intensely. JJ is the most physically affectionate character by far. He likes touching things and touching his friends.

JJ always has something in his hands. Usually his lighter, he plays with it, almost constantly, in a lot of different ways. Sometimes he flicks it open and closed, rolls it between his fingers, most of the time he’s just holding it maybe for the weight of it and the texture and temperature of the metal

When he doesn’t have anything to touch he shoves his hands inside his pockets and chews the inside of his mouth a lot and grinds his teeth together. I think he was chewing his nails in the hammock

He stims by bouncing his knees repetitively and by taking his hat off to run his fingers along n avert his gaze when he’s anxious .

he plays with knives and hacky sacks, stones and sticks, touches his rings, even holding his gun could be a thing. 99 percent of time jj has his gun he is just holding it and stroking it lol

everyone stims. but yeh jj also experiences sensory overloads, meltdowns, has difficulty with reading, impulsive behaviour, n emotional dysregulation whilst stimming constantly for an entire season

i wanna talk abowt this for a minute. cuz i always have this weird feeling when i relate to a character n end up loving them n then i think i put my stuff on them...like ahh yes i am this so they are this too. symptoms of neurodevelopmental disorders like asd, adhd, sensory processing disorder and dyslexia can overlap. this ocean angel is neurodiverse and it makes me feel incredibly ~h a p p y!~ Also makes sense why he relies on weed more than any of his friends. other than him just knowing it works for him n makes him feel better, it’s probable he isn’t quite aware of the extent he is self medicating his negative symptoms.

#just things #honestly im jus getting the surface of this...#emotional dysregulation sky high!#jj also got the padlock wrong that time when he had to write down and read numbers #dunno if thats a thing #he also gets the numbers mixed when they are all laying arownd the hammock #when he is chewing his fingersnails in the darK = stimstimstimstim and po pe n kie correct him #he had to be told abowt the amount the gold was worth like three times cus he couldnt remember #memmmoryyyy stuff my dudes #theres a lot to tell with how he talks wth his friends #espECIALLY how he tells STORIES #n the fact that eye contact is physically painful for him ...like physically p a i n ful #in a lot of situations #Oh n that time jj missed a MASSIVE social cue when john b heard the recorded message from his dad n kie had to clue jj in #obx'#obx #outer banks #jj maybank #neurodivergent characters #neurodiverse characters #disabled characters #pope heyward #kiara carrera #john b routledge #john b #luke maybank

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goldstolen · 4 years

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not to be on my zen bullshit but the way he without fail , adores mc in every route . how he’s always so quick to stand up for her and defend her and just ... “she doesn’t have bad intentions, i know it” and i just like 2 think that stems from his childhood specifically the part where his mother refused to believe him on all fronts and associated his looks = bad behavior and told zen he was the reason for everything going wrong in his life nd i just like 2 think that bc zen knows how that feels - to be accused of smth u haven’t ever done - is one of the driving reasons why he’s so quick to protect mc . but also bc he genuinely likes her and knew from the very first conversation that she was a good person

#thinking very hard about zen tonight .....#also i get sad thinking abt how he still holds out hope that his family will turn around and talk to him #which like .... i think sheds light on how trusting and loving and how kind he is ...#because i cannot imagine growing up with ur family telling u to ur FACE that u are ugly and like . belittling u for everything #and still .... he wants them in his life again :( he wants to bridge the gap and bring them together #nd honestly . i can rly relate . i think this is why i rly love writing zen #he's such a fantastic nd like . complex character that rly pushes this surface 'im a pretty boy im stunning <3' attitude #but its like ... hes quick to anger (when it comes 2 jumin nd mc LMAO) . he has bad habits #nd i jus love discovering all these things again nd learning how it all ties into his character #anyways . zen rant over tldr i fucking love him MOM !!!#v. flavorless AIS cream.

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hoezhatelola · 3 years

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Pretty Little Head

Yandere Deku x Fem!Reader

warnings: yandere tendencies(obviously), 18+ NSFW, gore/violence, drug usage, bondage, dubcon/noncon, praise kink, oral(female receiving), oral(male receiving), MDNI

a/n: this was actually a request i received outside of tumblr but i decided to make one here too! i’m so excited to write this one, i think that underneath deku’s innocent appearance he would make one hell of a yandere.

word count: 4.1k

deku had never anticipated someone like you would be the source of all his stress, pleasure, and love. despite being quirkless and utterly small compared to deku himself, you were always so kind. you were always there to take his hand and help him up when bakugou would push him down. you were always there to ruffle his hair and reassure him he’d do great on an exam. you were always there to offer him a snack or some extra lunch, even if you were hungry.

it left deku confused in the dust, as a child and still now, completely lost in how or why you were so nice to him. even when he took off to pursue his career of being a pro hero, which he was very successful in doing, you were still there to visit him or patch up his scratches.

in his bright green eyes and from beneath his curly green hair, this was enough for anyone to reserve the right to feel a burning hatred towards your significant other. he watched in anger as you sat on that blue-eyed idiot’s lap, tangling your fingers in his dark hair and whispering dirty nothings into his ear. he watched in jealousy as a stupid smirk spread across his lips, well aware there was something threatening to spring upwards as he palmed the fat of your thigh in response.

much to his dismay, he couldn’t watch you all hours of the day due to hero work. that didn’t mean he didn’t keep tabs on you however, which he accomplished by using his friends to update him on your whereabouts. who you were with, what you were doing, what you were wearing, what time you got home, when you fell asleep and when you wake up- he knew everything.

at the end of the day, he was still your best friend. you had invited him over one evening and you were telling him about your day, him smiling in response and just looking at you in awe, listening to you babble away.

“and then it started raining! so i had to run to my car and i ended up slipping, see?” you pointed towards your thigh where a large, and honestly, painful looking scrape was. his eyes widened in his response as he analyzed the mark. “that looks like it must’ve hurt, bunny.”

your heart repeated that same fluttering that it has been ever since you were teenagers at response to that nickname of yours. you’d think by now you’d have gotten used to it, huh?

“it did! and i was just laying there like an idiot in the rain for a good two minutes.” you laughed, emphasizing the word idiot. he chuckled in response, seemingly distracted with something else as he admired your smile and the way it lit up your entire cozy apartment.

“hey, you okay?” you asked suddenly, running a hand through his locks, the two of you seated on your sofa with the tv on in front of you. naturally as best friends, the two of you have had a few intimate moments, but they were always platonic. even though he knew this, he loved you too much for his breath not to hitch at the feeling of your soft fingertips playing with his hair.

“oh! yeah, i-i’m fine!” he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck and beaming brightly. “hero work just gets me tired and all, you know?” of course you didn’t know. what was he thinking saying that? you were always insecure of being quirkless, your childhood bully, bakugou, not being any help.

you pulled your hand back and looked away, your eyelids slightly lowering themselves, giving you a less excited expression. deku felt his heart drop and his stomach turn inside out, he hated himself for getting so caught up in his own thoughts of fluffy handcuffs adorning your wrists and your bodies colliding that he had forgotten to think before speaking.

“i didn’t mean it like that, bunny!” he said quickly, reaching out to grab your hand when you dodged him. “what are you-”

“this isn’t the first time you’ve said something like that, deku.” you muttered, immediately questioning yourself afterwards. were you being too sensitive? “even if you didn’t mean it this time, i- i just hate hearing you say it…” your eyes locked into the floor, your fingers now fiddling with each other.

although deku didn’t always have the strongest memory, he never failed to remember that some things in the world were far too fragile to be left out there. that they were too sensitive and too kind and too innocent to be yelled at. but sometimes- and only sometimes, did they deserve to be punished.

he did his best to soften his voice before scooting closer and placing a much larger and scarred up hand on top of yours. “bunny, i really didn’t mean it this time. you know that there’s nothing wrong with being quirkless, right?” he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, now revealing your tear-stained side profile.

head now resting on his chest as he sat next to you, wrapping his arms around you in attempt to comfort you, his heart beating through his clothes. “i’ve always wanted to be a hero, since we were little. pathetic how i thought i actually had a chance…” you mumbled into his chest, blinking back more tears and suppressing a sniffle. “when you got into U.A., and your quirk developed late, i was s’ happy fer’ you. i looked up to you and i- i always wa-wanted to be jus’ like y-you.” your words became more jumbled as your tears welled up and you hiccuped multiple times.

deku was then reminded of the significant fact that he never told you the truth about his quirk, and he never planned to. always wanted to be like him, huh? he allowed you to cry into his chest, enveloping you in all of the possible warmth that he could, feeling his opportunity nearing closer and closer.

“looked up to me? hah… bunny, i always looked up to you.” he tilted your chin up and wiped a tear away with his calloused thumb, his strong arms still around your smaller frame. “you’ve always been so kind and intelligent, and a lot stronger than me. hell, you stood up to kacchan when i couldn’t!”

a small smile worked it’s way onto your lips in response. “that’s my bunny, there’s that smile..” deku said, and you giggled, hugging him tighter than before. “aah, thanks deku.” you sighed, “maybe i was being a little, smh- dramatic.” you sniffled, shrugging your shoulders.

“not at all… hey, how about some of your favorite tea? you know i make it the best!” he said enthusiastically as you curled up with a blanket that he had gotten you on your last birthday. “why not?” you giggled as he walked into the kitchen and prepared your drink.

an unfamiliar, soft sensation could be felt on your wrists, restraining you from moving. the surface you were on was particularly soft and comfortable, and you hazily opened your eyes to be met with a large room. you looked up and spotted a pair of fluffy, pink handcuffs locked tightly onto your wrists above your head, keeping you restrained to the white, wooden headboard.

the four walls were painted a baby pink, a large mirror, decorated with swirls on the edges hanging in the middle, and the entire room lined with stuffies, trinkets, pillows and everything soft. from what you could see, the door had more locks on it than you could count with your blurred vision, and surely, heavy approaching footsteps could be heard from the other side of the door.

you held your breath and closed your eyes, turning your head and pretending to be asleep. your lips parted in a gentle breath for air, your body remaining still as the unknown person entered the room and locked the door behind them. you felt the right side of the bed dip as if someone was looming over you, attempting to get a better look at something.

“i know you’re awake, bunny. i heard you tugging at the pretty little handcuffs.” your eyes snapped open at the sound of your best friend’s voice. his eyes locked with yours as he set a plate down beside the bed and pulled you to sit up straight. “hey, pretty girl.”

“d-deku?” you stuttered, eyes widening as the feeling in your legs was now returning. “yes, my love?” he replied, the plate of food now in his lap as he began to cut the piece of meat for you. “what- what the hell is going on? why am i handcuffed to this bed? where even am i?”

“shh, shh… relax, bunny. eat a little first, i made your favorite!” he shoved the piece of steak up against your lips using the fork and you shook your head now. his knuckles gripped the fork so tightly they turned white, and so you complied and chewed. “remember how i told you i was renovating my basement? welcome! i made it all pretty and comfortable for you! i have all your favorite colors and i got all these fluffy plushies and blankets!” he said with too much excitement.

“ahh!” his eyes lit up, “we’re gonna have so much fun here, for the rest of forever!” you swallowed the bite you took before he was already offering you more, obviously eager to see you full. “deku… i’m still confused here. uncuff me, now.”

“tch… you’re really ungrateful, you know.” he muttered, continuing to feed you and caress you. “how am i ungrateful, huh?” you asked furiously, a complete fool for thinking you could even remotely amount to his level. you locked your eyes with his as he set the food to the side and forced you to drink water and remain hydrated. beyond his insane thought process and maniacal grins, even an idiot could see he still cared.

“first, i wake up in some completely random room, handcuffed to a bed! and then you come in here, offer me a meal, and then when i want to be uncuffed, im ungrateful? deku, you need to ex-” he leaned in a cut you off completely, your lips attaching.

you turned your head in attempt to look away, to which he grabbed your chin and held you still. his hands trailing down to between your thighs, effortlessly spreading them apart, your fighting back doing nothing at all. his hands tightened their grips on your inner thighs as his lips continued on your neck. he found your hopeless squirming adorable, but irritating.

“gah… stay still.” his tone firmed and his eyes narrowed, again looking into yours. you’d seen him mad before, of course, and you’d seen him determined and impatient and annoyed, but he was never so intimidating towards you. deku realized this shortly after, immediately softening his tone as he dipped his head down to between your legs, nibbling at the fat of your thighs.

“what are you- aah…” you gasped suddenly, your head snapping downwards to see his tongue run a long, clean lick over your slit from on top of your cute little panties. you knew you stood no chance against the number one hero, and you’d never admit to the growing dampness between your legs. your thighs threatened to grind together as his tongue and teeth continued teasing the edges of your panties, avoiding where you genuinely needed him.

“deku, pl-please don’ do th-this.” you gulped down, a tear making it’s way down your cheek. he looked up at you and smiled brightly and pulled down your panties, throwing them to the side, much to your confusion. “but look at you, bunny..” he ran two fingers along your now naked, glistening cunt as your juices coated them. “you’re completely soaked for me. you don’t actually want me to stop, do you? hmm..”he hummed.

“i… i don’t…” you struggled desperately to find words as your cheeks flushed red at the feeling of his eyes seeing things no one else ever has before. “right…” he smugly said both at the feeling of knowing how much you were second guessing yourself, and seeing you blush so furiously, spreading your legs apart even further, holding you down once again, effortlessly. “now just be my good bunny and take it.”

his words sent you over the fucking edge, your thighs grinding together for some type of friction as he laughed with a sense of superiority, now lying completely on his stomach and lapping at your folds. he wasted no time, and the feeling of his wet tongue slide across your womanhood was a sensation you were unfamiliar with. the last ounce of your strength was used when fighting back, and so you just lied there and took it, just like deku said.

your sweet taste drove him more insane than he already was. he watched as your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your brows knitted together, and he swore he fell in love with you all over again. his thumb was brought to your clit before he ran careful circles over it, blowing hot air against your pussy when you attempted to squirm away, causing goosebumps to rise against your skin. you could feel him smirking against you, and at this point you didn’t really care.

“de-deku… i’m- what the f-fuck..” you were at a loss for words. obviously you knew what an orgasm was, you’re not an idiot. this time was different than all of the other times you had willingly explored there on your own. it was something so much stronger, so much better. “i know, bunny. go ahead pretty girl… cum for me.” he spoke, muffled against your juices and folds.

his command was all it took for you to feel a strong coil within your stomach snap, and your mouth formed a silent ‘O,’ shape as your body shook in pleasure and you saw white spots all over your vision. your orgasm washed over you like a crashing wave, your desperate and pathetic fingers digging into the soft handcuffs you still wore.

“deku? ‘m tired now…” you mumbled in response to him unzipping his pants and undoing your handcuffs. “already?” he said playfully, but his face was nothing but serious. you nodded and hummed quietly in response as he looked down at you, noting how angelic you looked in this warm lighting that he had set up throughout the room using small lamps, cozy lights, and candles. not real candles, of course- what if you got burned when he wasn’t there?

“we’re not done yet, pretty girl. on your knees.” he looked down at you as he stood at the foot of the bed, watching you crawl over to him. you looked up at him, unsure of what to do next. “why am i here?” his eyes widened in realization that you actually didn’t know what to do this time, and it only made him more excited and honored to be your first. he pulled his pants down a little more, revealing his black boxers and a huge bulge.

“go ahead, take it out.” you hesitantly reached towards the bulge and pulled his boxers down, his large and throbbing member springing up and slapping you right in the nose. “ow…” you mumbled to yourself, and deku laughed. “fuck, you’re so cute. now take it in your hands and pump it a few times, use that pretty mouth.”

you ran your fingers across the tip, not knowing how much that stimulated him. after hearing a soft grunt when you ran your thumb across the tip, dragging his pre-cum along a large vein down the base, you assumed it was a good thing. your eyes explored the strange new thing as he took a fist of your hair. you looked up at him and winced at the sudden sting in your scalp.

“suck on it, bunny. use your mouth.” he repeated again, growing impatient. you grew determined to make him feel good too, all thoughts of fighting back leaving your mind. your hand nearly wrapped around his entire girth, but he was too thick for your smaller hands to do so. once again, hesitantly, you kitten-licked the tip a few times as his eyes shut calmly for a moment. your warm mouth wrapped around the tip as he basked in the feeling of the wetness, you released it with an unintentional pop.

“like this?” you asked innocently as he looked down to watch you suck his length, moving down slowly as you attempted to take all of him in your mouth. you could only go halfway before he hit the back of your throat, and when you gagged cutely around him, the grip on your hair tightened and a quiet whimper escaped the back of his throat. you picked up the pace in response and sucked even more furiously as best as you could, repeatedly gagging and hollowing your cheeks. “y-yeah… aauhh, jus’ like that, bunny.”

you continued your sucking and gentle pumping and tongue swirling around him as he continued to yank at your hair and admire your tear stained face and saliva covered mouth and throat. “aah.. yer’ sure you’ve n-never.. mgh, done this before?” he struggled to speak due to his many grunts and moans.

you nodded quietly as you felt him harden and pulsate in your mouth, repeatedly hitting the back of your throat. he suddenly pulled your hair, hard, and you winced loudly. he got down to your level and cleaned your face using his hand and dragged a thumb across your lip, consumed in the way tears pricked at your eyes just for him. “wh-what was that for? ‘m not done.” you muttered, reaching towards his cock when he stopped you with a chuckle and a deranged grin.

“like it that much, hm? we’re not done yet, bunny. don’t worry.” you tilted your head, your eyes then widening. “y-you mean, we’re gonna..” you trailed off as he gently pushed you down by your shoulders onto you back, crawling on top of you and hovering over your body. he cupped your cheek with one large hand and used his knee to spread your thighs apart. he clicked his tongue and trailed kisses from your jaw down your neck to between the valley of your breasts, looking up at you with his emerald green orbs.

“don’t act clueless, bunny. i know you’ve thought about getting touched down here by a real man.” he chuckled, slapping his length against your cunt two times, causing you to jump. “d-deku, please don-” your own words were caught in your throat when he slid the first few centimeters in, causing you to gasp and tug roughly on your handcuffs. “g-get off.. aauh..” you whimpered, attempting to push him off of you, clearly doing nothing. you fought the growing sting in your velvety walls as he slowly inched in.

“its okay, pretty girl. a little bit at a time..” he whispered into your ear, causing your walls to clench around his first few inches, to which he smirked and nibbled on your jaw. “that’s it... good girl.” he praised as he filled you up completely. deku was so overwhelmed with the pleasure of his bunny wrapped around his cock, and the reality that he was your first that he forgot to wait for you to adjust before pulling out and thrusting back in.

“deku!” you cried out in pain as his eyes widened and he immediately wrapped his arms around you, hugging you into his chest. “i’m so sorry,” he rapidly apologized over and over again, claiming he lost control and would wait now. “i-it hurts...” you muttered into his neck before nodding a minute later, signalling he could now move. he slowly pulled out and thrust back in, his tip barely brushing up against your cervix. he moved once more and a swirling pool of pleasure slowly took over any remnants of pain.

“mmph.. faster, deku.” you mewled out his nickname that you’ve had for him since you were little, and his heart picked up the pace before looking into your eyes and drowning in your expression as he slid in and out of you, your walls pulsating tightly around him, your thighs and his balls now soaked in your juices. “fuck... aauh, you’re such a good fucking girl for me, hah.” he said in a cocky tone, now slamming into you relentlessly.

“while we’re here,” he said, his pace growing sloppier by the second. “let’s get one thing crystal clear.” he continued, grabbing your jaw and forcing you to look at his flushed face, his cock still pounding into your sloppy cunt, the lewd noises of him fucking you filling the room. “you’re mine, all fucking mine. this fucking pussy,” he said, punctuating his sentence with a light slap against your folds. “this body, that cute little expression in your eyes, and everything else about you belongs to me. not that blue-eyed shit-faced bitch.” he raised his voice causing you to flinch.

“we’re clear with that, aren’t we?” he asked as your eyes rolled into the back of your head due to him continuously hitting that spot with the tip of his member. “hey,” he growled, bringing a throat to your neck and squeezing it tightly, completely cutting off your oxygen. you clawed at his hand as best as you could despite your handcuffs, and your face grew a bright pink and almost purple. he hated slapping you or choking you or tying you up, and he hated himself for getting excited at that fearful look in your glistening eyes. he released his grip on your throat and you gasped desperately for air, glaring at him. “fucking answer me.”

“y-yeah, mhnm...” you moaned out, still recovering from being choked. your pussy clenched around him as you felt your second, much stronger, orgasm nearing. he felt his own nearing as well, your beautiful moans not helping in holding him back. “yeah, what?” he smirked, knowing he was pushing your limits. “y-yeah, we’re ..mhgn, clear!” you yelled in frustration as he got a kick out of it, enjoying the idea of you thinking you could raise your voice at him.

“you know what?” he pulled out rapidly, cumming all over your stomach before lying beside you, leaving you empty and unsatisfied. “wh-what?” you stuttered in shock and irritation, grinding your thighs together for some type of friction as you angrily yanked on your handcuffs. “now...” he kissed the tip of your nose and smiled at you brightly, as if all of this was amusing. “you don’t get to finish!” he exclaimed happily, giggling shortly after as you struggled and tugged at your restraints.

“why?” you questioned the green-haired man, who said nothing. he wrapped a strong arm around your needy body and fought the urge to play with your clit using his fingertips. “why, deku? this isn’t fair!’ you whined as he chuckled dryly and tightened the soft handcuffs. “nothing is fair, my love. i have another shift now, so i’ll be gone for a few hours. need anything?” he asked in a condescending tone, knowing you would motion towards your dripping, aching cunt, which he wouldn’t help you with. he didn’t care to help your needy pussy.

he got up and grabbed the silver key he used to previously lock the basement door, glancing back at your distressed eyes one more time before leaving and slamming the door shut.

“maybe next time you won’t get some silly idea in that pretty little head of yours that you can raise your voice with me.”

#deku #yandere #bnha #my hero academia #yandere izuku #tired sigh #mha smut #deku smut #i hope it makes sense #im so tired #smut #i love him #i love him i love him i love him i love him

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the-actor-himself · 2 years

Note

“I thought we was jus’ visitin’…I had no idea he wasn’t plannin’ on lettin’ me leave, Mark.” Yancy begins quietly, letting out a sigh that was heavy with the events that lead to him being back above the surface. “I was excited to see his home…I didn’t know anythin’ was wrong until these started actin’ up.” Lifting his right hand, he’s relieved to see that it once again says “BIRD”, so he could guess the other one was back to ‘normal’ as well.

“As I was tryin’ to think of a way to get him to take us back here, I…I started goin’ into a trance. Like I do with some a my more meaningful songs. I was on my knees, gaspin’ for air, beggin’ for him to take me home but…he didn’t. And since I didn’t have my usual tools to write with…” His gaze slowly falls onto his arm that was currently being stitched up, figuring Mark would understand. Yancy winces, not from the stitching, but from the thought that somewhere in Knossos was part of a song written in his blood. How fucking awful.

“I came to, at your doorstep. I…I saw Asterius, before he left. I tried to tell ‘im that he made the right choice, but…I dunno if he heard me.” He was so tired as he tried to stay coherent, but he went on, his voice taking on a hint of desperation when he looked at Mark once again. “I honestly dunno if he would of let me go if I didn’t basically force him to make a choice. I don’t think I could have gotten through to him, but…you can. I’m worried about him, but I’m also worried he may try this again with others.”

Mark listens quietly without interrupting as Yancy explains what happened from his perspective. He sighs as the man finishes, nodding slowly. “ I’m worried for him as well. I don’t think he means ill, but I do worry he’ll try again if we can’t get through to him. ”

Asterius deserved more than immediate condemnation. He deserved a chance to understand and change. The fact that Yancy was on board with trying to reach him rather than forsaking the Minotaur was of a comfort to the Actor.

“ I’m going to talk to him. One way or another. ” If had to go all the way to Knossos himself, he’d see it done. If it went poorly, one swift death and he’d be free of its twisting halls anyway. So he hoped.

“ In the meantime, you’re going to rest. I’ll handle things with your employer, you’re going to take some much needed recovery time here. Understood? ”

#always nice to meet a fan;#jailbirdyance #( don’t worry Yancy he’s on the case shdjdj )

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actualbird · 3 years

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zak rambles about childe for way too long

okay this is gonna be LONG (and it’s so long i had to make it a text post instead of an answer bc i had to save draft every once in a while JKBDJFSD) and also NIGH INCOHERENT.

BUCKLE UP!!!!

How I feel about this character

LISTEN. LISTEN GUYS. //puts my face into my hands. listen.....at first i was just into him because he was pretty, then i was into him because he introduced himself as “kind of a bad guy”, then i was into him because he could turn into a bIG HUGELARGE MONSTER. and then...well...i made a meme, actually, depicting the process i went through

like okay, let me dissect every part.

i love a pretty boy. a love a cocky, confident pretty boy, and childe is That. he was prime zakbait even from the beginning. i was hooked ever since “hey, girlie”

then he activated my monsterfucking instincts. IT IS ILLEGAL FOR ME TO DISCLOSE HOW MANY TIMES IVE WATCHED THE FOUL LEGACY TRANSFORMATION. I DONT WANT YOU TO KNOW AND ALSO...YOU DONT WANNA KNOW.

then i read his backstory, read fanfic for him and went. oh. oh NO. OH DUDE, THIS BITCH WAS MADE FOR ME, HUH....

poor little boy from the middle of nowhere, poor little boy who fell into hell, poor little boy who had to become a monster to survive, who clawed his way back to the surface with something different in his eyes, something horrible, hungry, vicious. he was just fourteen. he was just fourteen when something changed him.

and he was not the same after that

youtube

HE WAS NOT THE SAME AFTER THAT!!!!! //WAILS

listen im a sucker for basically any character i can project on and mhyo gave me this dude who hides the monster he is behind a charming smile and confident demeanor. so hes basically my punching projection bag HAHA.

but really. really. hes a damn good character. hes bad and he knows it, he outright tells you this upon meeting you and yet. and yet his heart has a softness to it. and yet he is kind in a misguided way that makes you wonder if in all the rush that he had to grow up immediately, there are parts of him that are wholly still so young. hes bad, and he made that choice, he keeps making that choice and yet.

and yet hes still a boy from the middle of nowhere. i wonder if he misses the feeling of being held. i wonder if he misses the times when his family wasnt afraid of him. i wonder if, given the chance, he would change the past or if he thinks this was how it was supposed to have gone, always. this was how he was meant to be;

just a monster trying to be a man. just a boy trying to be more.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I SHIP HIM WITH BASICALLY THE REST OF THE GENSHIN HUSBANDOS KSJBFKSJDGSD. zhongli? yes. kaeya? yes. diluc? yes. aside from the husbandos, im also interested in signora/childe (of the EXTREMELY FUCKED UP UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP VARIETY). all of this is partly because [n//s/f///w] im just game for any ship that results in childe getting railed and obliterated

but truly, im very flexible with ships for childe. i ship him with any character that can bring out the parts of his own character that he tries so desperately to hide.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

hmmmm this bit actually made me think. i guess im interested in childe&traveller!

My unpopular opinion about this character

I DONT WANT CHILDE TO BE REDEEMED. HONESTLY! HONESTLY. i dont want him to defect from the darkside. if anything, i want him to go even darker (like going from the fatui to serving the abyss). hes a character that, for me, is more interesting if he...doesnt get a happy ending. i want him to break. i want him to....wait lemme move this to the next bullet point

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

some of yall will throw rocks at me for this, but i want childe to

well

die

like truly and unrevivable, wholeass dead dead

NOW BEFORE U THROW THOSE ROCKS, THIS AINT JUS BECAUSE I LOVE WHUMP!!! i genuinely think that him dying is like....it’s Right.

childe’s whole shtick is that he pushes his limits. we see that in how he battles, how he trains, in how he uses the foul legacy transformation. but we also see this in other ways. like how he lies to teucer about his job even if it’s unsustainable, he stretches himself thin to protect teucer’s dreams. we see that in his voicelines, how he wants to push himself to conquer the world and all that jazz. so much of his character is about this notion of finding the limit and breaking past it.

in that quest for more, i want him to break for good.

it feels right, in my mind.

the man always looking for a battle finally beaten. the boy turned monster finally made human in the most painful way.

anyway thanks for these asks, anon!!!! i dont think i made sense thru this WHOLE POST!!

#im the rare childe stan who genuinely wants him dead kJKJSFKD LOVE U BESTIE!! HOPE U DIE FOR THE STORY!!!#asks #anon #ask game #long post

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kimnjss · 3 years

Note

*sighs* fuck it… bring on the chaos 😭🖐🏽 like at this point, i really don’t care for jimin, he has a lot of growing up to do. a few songs about him opening up is a start but i hope he’s not thinking ‘oh, i did this, dump jin and let’s be together.’ cuz i didn’t forget him not really answering yoongi’s question on whether or not he really wants to be with yn and i don’t really like how everytime he is trying to get at yn and she’s shutting him down(rightfully so), he tells her she’s being stubborn and being annoying like dude… maybe im reading more into it(sorry if that’s the case) 🥴 but to me, he doesn’t really respect her all that much. he has no regard when it comes to how she might feel towards him because of his actions, let alone her career. and has he even apologized properly for the shit he put her through? other than ghosting her because he was ‘working on an album?’ idk i just don’t like the way he talks to her at times. as with jin, he’s not quick to call her stubborn and annoying the second she’s shutting down his advances or disagreeing with him, nor is what he says is things he demands wants from her. anyways enough about them, they give me a headache 🥲 i wanna see more of taekook and i hope those two are okay. saaame with namjoon, yoongi and hoseok. im hope they all enjoying their peace ✨ sorry this was really long!

it is still a little murky what his true intentions are nd honestly he might not even know at this point . what he does know is he was starting to like her more than he wanted to ao he pulled back bc he’s not used to feeling ehat way nd when he was doing rhat she got w someone else - so now he’s scrambling to not only sort out his feelings but grt her back bc not being w her is worse than his fear of commitment . /

as for the way he talks to her ., that’s just how he’s always talked to her (lowkey that’s how he talks to everyone) it’s not great - but it’s so surface level ., sayinf she’s annoying or stubborn comes from the fact that he knows what she wants nd her not letting herself have it is annoying to him bc he’d say fuck everything else nd just go for it - you know what i mean? but if she really didn’t want anything to do w him nd stood on that ., he’d be annoyed but he’d just leave her alone . it’s the fact that ge knows she’s putting up a front .

the rest of them are a walk in the park compared to the others ! taekook got their issues ., but they’re not w each other just the media being in their business - joon is happy w his ‘not’ family 😭 nd yoongi nd hoseok are jus thriving in their careers - the others need to take notes .

#asks; ➿#asks; kez 🍯

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evansfm · 4 years

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𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐌 , 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐍 ; 𝓌𝓇𝒶𝓅 𝓊𝓅 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓎 .

there’s a breaking point , when you find yourself stuck underwater . about eighty - seven seconds in , the urge to breathe becomes so STRONG , you involuntarily inhale water . . . and then the drowning begins . you can flail for the surface all you want , but without oxygen , you’re STUCK . eighty - seven seconds . half that was about as long as it took for evan to inhale , momentarily paralyzed as daisy’s pretty smile tilted towards kieran , and his hand slipped to the nape of her neck under blonde curls .

they hadn’t talked much in the past few days . . . only when necessary , only when CIVILITY and their jobs depended on it . when they did , though , it was far from the same . avoided eye contact . quipped sentences . KIND brown eyes were vacant when she did catch them , and it hurt more than the sadness she’d witnessed in them that morning in berlin . BERLIN . . . before then , she could honestly say there were few regrets in her relationship with kieran walsh . she didn’t regret befriending him in the first place . she didn’t regret that night , years ago , in the quiet and safety of her bedroom . she didn’t regret following him to manchester . she didn’t regret the things she’d said in paris . . . or the things she’d said after their first berlin show .

she REGRETTED letting the moment slip through her fingertips .

she REGRETTED the way sh’ed so easily let fear replace possibility .

she regretted not kissing him .

since then , he’d become a phantom of himself . . . and she hadn’t looked conan in the eyes for days . she wasn’t sleeping much . EMOTIONS were far too scrambled , and she spent plenty of midnights trying to sort them into neat little manageable piles . but they often ended up misplaced . . . or TOO MUCH . evan spent more time with herself , and only herself , in the past days than she had in a long time . . . and she remembered why . being alone with evan connely was fucking exhausting ; wandering lost in her own mind was wearing her down , slowly but surely , and there was a dullness behind blue eyes like an ocean nearly dried up .

there were moments of reprieve , sure . moments she found herself with ruairi and adam where she NEARLY felt things were alright , but ruairi wasn’t as CLUELESS as he let on , and adam was walking on eggshells . zoey had noticed but never asked which was . . . nice , to say the least . it was NICE not to have to justify herself , to get a proper distraction from a friend who had no UNSOLICITED advice to give on the matter . she talked to her mom every night , too , but the comfort of that always fell away as she excitedly asked ‘ how’s kieran ? ’ and evan found herself putting on a happy voice . ‘ ah , mam . . . you ‘ave his number . ask ‘im for yourself , ’ she’d say , ‘ i’m sure he’d love to hear from’ye . ’

for the most part , though , her heart ACHED . constantly .

evan found common threads amongst her thoughts . . . her feelings . she was frustrated with conan , for bringing up b in the first place . . . for putting his nose where it didn’t belong . as MAD at him as she wanted to be , though , she knew by the way he’d always looked out for kieran , above everything else , that he was doing EXACTLY that . she could’ve strangled logan , though . . . maybe . then the frustration landed on herself . stupid girl , lost in her own head , ruining everything she touched . the vacancy in his gaze flashed in her mind over and over again : i don’t know if i can be what you need or WANT me to be right now . of course he couldn’t ; how could she expect that of him when she hadn’t known exactly what she WANTED from him ?

because that morning , she hadn’t .

but after days of agonizing over it , after following those common threads and sorting through fervent emotions , after giving him time and space . . . it was becoming more and more evident .

she WANTED him .

and above everything else , she MISSED him .

she wanted to tell him that she missed him . that she didn’t NEED or WANT him to be anything other than himself , but once again with an arm’s reach . that the only thing she was hiding from him was a heart that might GIVE OUT if loving him meant eventually losing him . she wanted to tell him that she meant every word she’d said that night , and if she could just hear it back . . . if he could just be a little PATIENT . all she wanted , all she needed was him and a little patience .

“ just go talk to ‘im , ” wren’s gentle tone yanked evan back to reality , an elbow nudging hers as they sat at the bar .

“ ‘e doesn’t want to talk to me , wren , ” her gaze flickered down to a glass of clear liquid . water . anything else was a pitfall , “ i’m giving him SPACE . ”

“ fuck space . you’re miserable . ”

blue eyes rolled to meet hers . evan knew it was OBVIOUS that she wasn’t happy . . . but she didn’t need someone ELSE point it out . a blank stare and near missable shrug were her only response : SO WHAT ?

“ he’s your best friend , yeah ? and you’re his ? ”

maybe more . still , evan nodded , eyes involuntarily flickering across the room to where he stood at the end of the table , three boys reflecting worried looks back at him .

“ so he wants to talk to you . just give it one more go . ”

her stomach churned , and there was a hint of sad longing in wide eyes as she watched him step away . it was RARE to find him without the other boys . she imagined that might’ve been nearly purposeful . but she was at a breaking point . . . . she MISSED him , and it was high time she told him exactly that .

“ one more go , ” she steeled herself as she pushed away from the bar , avoiding three gazes from a table she’d usually be tucked into as she brushed passed . the moment she moved up the first step , she could feel it . her HEART began to race . there was no game plan here . . . just the hope of a moment alone . the hope that maybe , this time , when she told him she was SORRY , he’d know it was for leaving him . for not kissing him . for breaking that promise .

as she ascended the stairs , evan went over a few TRUTHS in her mind . it was true , what conan said . . . that they made each other wildly HAPPY . the kind of happy was only brought out when they were together . it was true , what she’d said in PARIS , that she’d follow him anywhere . not because he asked her to . . . but because even in the same room , she missed him . it was true , everything she’d said BEFORE things fell apart in berlin . there was something MORE there that surpassed any normal friendship .

it could be love , she thought , if he could just be patient . . .

it could be love .

if she could love him and he could love her back , it would be worth the RISK .

but when she pushed open the door to the rooftop patio , she stepped right into the DEEP END , and the sight of them together wiped everything clear from her mind . . . including how to swim . instead , she could only watch as a distance between the two of them closed . eighty - seven seconds under water was the usual breaking point , but it seemed that evan’s was far below that . if it weren’t for a symphony of the wind , music from below , and chatter of a few people milling about ––– the INHALE might’ve been audible .

the ache in her chest sharpened into a stabbing pain , and her lungs burned , screaming for air but only inhaling water . drowning .

the hurt in his eyes , back in berlin , had been bad . the EMPTINESS had been worse , and she didn’t think anything would be as bad as him going QUIET on her , when she’d begged him not to . . . but this ? this was AGONY . this was an end , full stop . a white flag of surrender that was raised the moment she’d made LOVE a little too difficult . he was done and onto the next one . because OF COURSE there was someone else waiting for the day he realized that evan was too much . there would always be someone else . someone better .

TOO MUCH . too much and easily replaced .

and he’d had the NERVE to be angry at her for lying ? he had the nerve to go dark because she panicked ? doing this without you wouldn’t make sense , but he’d been just fine without her , it seemed , over the past few days . it’d CLEARED his vision . rid him of rose colored glasses and handed him something that was easy .

a replacement that wouldn’t be TOO MUCH .

evan became a blur as she whirled around , bounding back down the steps at a haphazard pace . somewhere along the way , her vision began to blur , but she didn’t want to be THAT girl . crying over some boy in a band who picked up and moved on . she couldn’t pin it all on him either . she’d FUCKED up , and it was too much for the last time . she’d just hoped that EVAN & KIERAN were sturdy enough to withstand it . . . but even with the last bits of HOPE ripped from optimistic hands always ready to hold onto it , she couldn’t be THAT girl . so she ducked her head down , back of her hand wiping away at her cheeks and ignoring any semblance of her name being called from a friend , here or there .

the burning sensation in her lungs was still there ; if she didn’t get OUT , she’d drown right there for everyone to see .

“ woah , ” a familiar voice followed her , only taking a few strides before hands steadied her shoulders and blocked her path , “ woah , woah , slow down t’ere , ev . what’re you runnin’ from ? ”

“ not now , adam , ” it was choked , and she REFUSED to look up at him .

“ not n––– ” an airy laugh cut off his words and he shook his head , hands as soft as his voice as they slipped down to her elbows , holding her in place , “ what’d’ya mean no’ now ? you’re RUSHIN’ out’a here like t’e place is on fire . are you OKAY ? what’s going on ? ”

“ i jus’ want to go HOME , ” she muttered . though the idea itself felt empty . she wanted to go anywhere they weren’t , and HOME wouldn’t be an option so long as HOME. had brown eyes and calloused hands from an electric guitar. . still , evan wriggled from his grasp , pulling herself away . he followed her with his eyes as she stepped around him .

“ ay , t’ere you are , pretty girl . s’about time you joined us , ” ruairi grinned , turning from the bar with two pints in hand and CLEARLY missing the warning look from adam . she brushed passed him without a second look , leaving him only to quietly call out after her , “ evan ––– ? ”

she didn’t stop . not until she got back to the bar stool with her jacket draped over the back .

“ oi , i imagine it DIDN’T go well then ? ” wren asked in a sympathetic tone .

“ didn’t talk to him . ”

“ wait , wha––– ”

“ he was BUSY , ” her arms slipped into her jacket , moving quickly as she fumbled for her phone . finally meeting SOMEONE’S eye , she glanced up at wren , eyes brimmed with crystal tears , cheeks flushed and sticky from the ones she’d DESPERATELY tried to wipe away . the moment wren moved for her jacket , evan offered a small , sad smile , “ no . STAY . please . ”

wren was just as stubborn as she was and knew fighting wasn’t an option , offering a quiet ‘ okay ’ in response . a ‘ call me if you need me ’ faded into nothing as evan slipped through throngs of people , the door seeming farther and farther as she got closer and closer until finally . . .

evan gasped , inhaling crisp , cool air and shaking herself out . fuck , she mumbled under her breath , noting the way she couldn’t even see her damned phone map with the way tears kept SILENTLY coming . sniffled frustration held her stagnant as she fumbled with her phone , one hand tapping as the other kept wiping at her eyes trying to keep her vision clear .

it was all TOO MUCH .

she was TOO MUCH .

and fucking naive for believing that entertaining the idea of LOVE could end in anything other than this. .

“ evan ––– ”

conan had that SOFT tone in his voice again , and she bristled instinctively . stiffening as she lifted her gaze directly in front of her , despite his voice coming from her left . there was a tightness in her throat , and she willed the tears to STOP coming . just for now . just long enough to LOOK at him . her chin tilted towards the sky , blinking them back before looking over to him , finally .

when she spoke , her tone wasn’t SHARP . it wasn’t PANICKED . it wasn’t ANGRY . but it wasn’t as boisterous as usual . . . not as attention grabbing . . not as soft . it was simply . . . defeated .

as BROKEN as she knew herself to be .

“ love , was it ? ” she asked him , nose scrunching as she just barely held back another wave of tears , “ in love . . . ”

evan shook her head , shoulders sagging as she gave him one last look . there was no chance for conversation . no chance for another argument . she didn’t want to talk about it . . . because every time she’d TRIED to , things only got worse . going quiet had worked for keiran , so WHY NOT for her ?

so she didn’t say anything else . instead , she turned and walked the opposite direction , back towards the hotel . only when her back was turned and she was CERTAIN that she was out of ear shot did she finally let it loose , the choked back tears . maybe if she let herself dry up , TOO MUCH would become NOTHING .

#𝓮𝓿𝓪𝓷 + musing .

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gg-astrology · 6 years

Note

i love your blog! can you do a cap sun aqua moon for the sun moon placements?

Thank u so much!! 💕💕💕 I’m glad I got this request cause its the last of the Cap combos skdjnfkjsnk im so proud and excited! 💕

[Below Cut: Capricorn Sun - Aquarius Moon 🥊]

Capricorn/Aquarius combo can be rather playful, might have lots of friends and enjoys mental stimulation from others (parrying)

It’s not all serious honestly-- on the outside, you have these combos who rather enjoys humour and being comfortable with laying it down thickly on others too (it’s good when you ‘sense’ them out and they can ‘take’ something a lil more unconventional-- your particular ‘niche’ brand of humour. You like surprising people, but you like chemistry/the way they parry back even more. A rhythm to your game is what you’re after, someone who can meet you toe to toe)

You like people who are odd, a little different from you and can talk about their independency/experience when you get together. You like learning, about others because it expands your mind (Aquarius) and that’s good for you because you genuinely enjoy the company of those around you and appreciate them ( ‘good for you buddy, im happy/proud of you!’)

While on the outside you may also be a practical, very very deeply considerate and thoughtful/caring person (the kind of person who-- if was in a horror movie-- would get their head together and be the one that Makes the Most Sense). On the inside you revel in your Chaos (Chaotic Nature)

There’s a reason Capricorn is associated to the devil, and no it’s because they are the devil--- it’s because you have this rebellious nature about you that’s lurking on the inside. Seeking to know, to find out, to question the norm/tradition. Everything can be changed ‘for the better’-- and with you, you have an understanding/appreciation of traditional modes already (Capricorn) thus why you’re breaking the system from the inside out. Or rather, you use your ingeniously to help smoothen the glide for others to see things from your perspective, that not eveything they’ve learnt/taken/been told is true and that there’s leaks in every ‘formula’ that people follow blindly.

Even when above the surface, you are cool and collected as a cucumber (cutecumber-- you like to ‘keep appearance’ so you can be devilish/do your plotting inside) Underneath all that is a competitive spirit, especially when it comes to debates.

If the venue allows you to exert yourself (physically/mentally) within a context that is structured/stabilized (established) and you can have a certain amount of freedom/expression of passion ---wow you really go in for it

Capricorn/Aquarius are intelligent, charismatic and isn’t afraid to be bold. Most of the time they aren’t even aware they’re being bold, they’re just following their own paths-- just like how everyone should follow their own, y know?

It’s stress relieving for you, to exert yourself into something. Throw yourself in and just ‘get it right’ -- when you’re demonstrative, you have power. And with that power comes confidence (other people see it as you being level-headed/critical)

You might not realize it, but when you do something you get tunnel visioned into it a lot. And other people can see that and be attracted to your passionate nature ( a very classic, uniformed/looks good in official kind of nature)

You’re often unaware of your own attractiveness or why people think you’re good, mostly you’re just doing it for you. And that’s all that you’re doing, sometimes you’re--- cynical, of people coming towards you wanting a light-hearted something. You need an explanation, a 10 pages essay outlining exactly what it is about you that people like. Although you know full well you attract people to you (might like the attention it brings, the importance/significance it gives to your ego-- which is healthy and valid, and not narcissistic or bad don’t worry, it’s important to feel appreciated and desired for everyone. )

Whilst we talk about all that, it jus means that you work hard and you don’t like to think yourself of ever stopping. Stopping means you become a ‘fixed’ motion-- and with that, you don’t know how to ‘start’ again.

Capricorn cardinal nature combine with Aquarius gives you two things--- you either workaholic it out or you stop and then take soo looong to start on something again. Because you’re careful, thorough, and want to know everything it entails before you start on it.

You want your passion to last, you don’t want to stop half way. You absolutely won’t stand for half-assery. And being incompetent in anyway is jus-- not up to par/unacceptable for you.

This is your ethic, both just outside and also your worth ethic. You’re a hard-worker, always focused on more/different/things you can grind and focus yourself in (there’s a bit of anxious/nervous energy in you if you don’t put yourself to work)

Your biggest ‘ugh’ moment is when you don’t have everything ‘prepared/ready’ -- especially if it ‘runs out halfway through’ -- you hate discarding things halfway.

Wastefulness of time/energy/resource or expecting you to ‘come back and finish’ something with the same enthusiasm is now up to your mood/whether you have something new to add or not now.

There’s an element to you that can be quite?? Moody?? even though you’re emotionally consistent. It’s like feeling wise, you’re mostly just objective and detached sometimes (even though you’re fun-loving and caring towards others). You can get through things quickly, work efficiently. But if someone expects you to know how to be emotionally sensitive/flexible then you’re completely lost on that cue.

You can sometimes be completely oblivious to other people’s wants/needs from you, especially if it’s like-- emotionality. When someone needs/wants something you expect them to say it out-loud/directly, so when it’s hidden from you. And is expected to come from delicacy/tactfulness you’re like ‘um...what was I supposed to do?’

You like to be taught if you don’t know things, and you don’t understand how everyone else knows it intuitively. In a way, your intuition is crap when it comes to navigating the social realm (personal -- take note from Cancer/Leo). You mostly have your suspicion and critical/cynical nature that adds to your analytical skills.

Learn how to ride a flow, a wave. Instead of sitting on the beach/stable ground all the time. You’ll have to get more in touch with your intuition, stops some part of your brain from over-working itself and making you stand at an ‘impass’ until you’re ‘ready’ to embark on a journey again.

Your overly thorough nature with how you approach/prepare for things makes you someone who skirts around a subject to ‘study’ it until you’re ready to ‘work on it/demonstrate/get into it’

Your motions (as mentioned before) are either ‘working’ (without thinking) or thinking too much (without working) -- no inbetweens.

Kinda short but sweet? 💕 I hope you enjoy it!! 💕💕

#capricorn sun #aquarius moon #capricorn #aquarius #capricorn-aquarius #anon #asks

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all-hail-the-witcher · 6 years

Note

(Once you get the writing juice back) some Ralbert Angst?? But not too too too angst,,, like go far but have a happy end?? Idk

this didn’t really turn out the way I wanted it too

oh well

i also wrote it in the car while drinking a Starbucks strawberry frappe and honestly it wasn’t that great

_____________

ship: ralbert

genre: angst

warnings: mentions of bad previous relationships, emotional freak out (??)

word count: 1434

editing: um

_____________

Race woke up reaching for Albert only to realize that he wasn’t there.

Race shot up with a start. “Albert?” He called, stepping out of bed and pulling on a sweatshirt. “Albie where are you?”

He wandered through their apartment hesitantly looking in the kitchen, bathroom, living room and all of the closets for any sign of his boyfriend but he wasn’t there.

Finally, he reached for his phone and called him as a last resort. Maybe he had just run to the store and had forgotten to leave a note. But when he heard Albert’s phone ringing from the kitchen counter he slid down the wall in defeat, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Wherever Albert was, he didn’t want to be found.

•••

Elmer woke to find his best friend laying next to him. He jumped back in shock. Albert was still wearing his pajamas, indicating that he had come in sometime during the night. His eyes were also puffy and he could see dried tear tracks staining his cheeks.

Elmer sighed. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it was the first time it had happened while Albert was dating Race. Honestly, Elmer had been convinced he would never have to deal with this again, Race didn’t seem like the type of person who would intentionally hurt Albert, but Albert hadn’t exactly told Race about his past relationships so he might have accidentally done or said something to push Albert over the edge.

He sighed and put his arm gently around Albert, combing his fingers through his hair. Albert shifted under his touch, eyes opening slightly.

“Hey,” he whispered, snuggling closer to Elmer.

“Hi,” Elmer whispered back. “What’s up?”

Albert shrugged, his eyes shifting away from Elmer’s gaze.

Even after all this time, Elmer still remembered the standard questions to ask in this situation. “Are you physically hurt?” he asked.

“No.” Alright that was good.

“Does anyone know you’re here?”

A pause. “No.”

Elmer sighed. Race was going to be worried when he woke up and Albert wasn’t there. “Did he say something intentional or accidental?”

Albert considered for a moment. “Accidental,” he decided.

“Does he know you’re upset?”

Albert gave a small shake of his head.

Alright. Last question. “On a scale of 1-10 how bad is it?”

Albert glanced down at the bed while he thought. “Maybe like a 6 or a 7” he mumbled.

“Okay,” Elmer whispered. This wasn’t the worst it had ever been. In the back of his mind, a memory surfaced where Albert had shown up on his doorstep at 2 in the morning, crying and clutching his side, saying that it was a 12. He shuddered at the thought. “Do you wanna talk about it yet?”

Albert shook his head. “Could you just… I don’t know….. hold me for a little while?”

“Of course.” Elmer drew Albert into his chest, rubbing calming circles into his back. Albert tucked his head under Elmer’s chin, needing to be as close to him as possible. After a few minutes, he spoke up.

“Race said the L word last night. To me.”

Elmer breathed a sigh of relief. That wasn’t too bad. Still slightly inconvenient, but not the worst thing. “What did you say back?” He asked in return.

“Nothing,” Albert mumbled. “He thought I was asleep.”

“Well do you feel the same way about him?” Elmer asked gently.

Albert nodded into Elmer’s shoulder. “But I’m not ready to say that. Everyone’s who said that has left. I don’t want him to leave too.”

“I’m sure Race will understand,” Elmer reassured him. “He has his own baggage as well. And he’s always been fairly understanding of your feelings.”

“I guess,” Albert sniffled into Elmer’s chest. “I just don’t want to loose him, El. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I know, I know.” Elmer’s heart went out to his friend, he’d been through so much and just when he’d managed to find the right person, something like this happened.

“He deserves to hear it though,” Albert whispered. “He’s the greatest person, I wish I could say it to him. It’s only 8 letters. Why can’t I say them Elmer?”

He sounded so heartbroken and sad. Elmer pulled him closer. “Everyone’s different. You’ll be able to say it one day, I promise.”

Albert seemed satisfied with this answer, so Elmer continued rubbing his back and providing all of the physical comfort that he could.

After about an hour, he pulled away. “I should call Race and tell him where you are. He’s probably worried sick.”

“No!” Albert protested. “I don’t want to see him yet!”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, you don’t have to see him right away,” Elmer comforted him. “I just want to let him know that you’re okay so he doesn’t have a panic attack, alright?”

“Okay,” Albert mumbled.

Elmer reached over and picked up his phone to call Race. As soon as he turned on his phone it was flooded by messages from the group chat. He scrolled through them quickly.

racegoesnyoom: anyone got a 20 on alkackjelly: nospotthedifference: isnt he with you at your apt ?montagues4ever: ^^^racegoesnyoom: no i woke up and he was gonewelovethecrutch: im sure hes not farracegoesnyoom: im just worried something happened to himmom: I’m sure he’s fine, Race. Let us know when you find him.

“Race is worried about you,” Elmer said while he waited for Race to pick up. “He texted the group chat.”

“Tell him I’m fine,” Albert mumbled, rolling over.

Elmer laughed. “Will do.”

“Hello?” Race answered the phone, he sounded distressed.

“Hey Race,” Elmer said. “I just thought I’d tell you, I’ve got Albert at my place.”

“Oh, thank god,” the relief in Races voice was evident. “Is he okay? What happened?”

“He’s fine,” Elmer said. “He’s just a little rattled.”

“Why? What happened? Did I do something?”

“Wellllll,” Elmer looked over at Albert and he nodded to continue, “sorta. You see, aparently last night you thought Albert was asleep and you told him you loved him..?”

“Oh, he wasn’t supposed to hear that,” Race sighed.

“I know,” Elmer said. “But, see, he’s had some negative experiences with people telling him that they loved him. So, when you said that, he kinda freaked out. He came to my place sometime last night.”

“Oh, I- I didn’t mean to…” Race sounded close to tears.

“I know. He knows that too,” Elmer said quickly. “It doesn’t change anything between you two, he’s just not ready for that yet.”

“Okay, I understand,” Race said. “When can I come get him?”

“Probably like an hour,” Elmer said and Albert nodded from his spot on the bed.

“Okay, I’ll be there. Tell Al-” he hesitated. “Tell him I’m sorry.” Then he hung up.

Elmer placed his phone back on the night table, and wrapped his arms back around Albert. “Race says he’s sorry.”

“He’s got no reason to be,” Albert said. “I’m the one that’s screwed up.”

“Al, you’re not-”

“Just don’t, El,” Albert sighed. “Just don't.”

Elmer sighed and wrapped his arms around Albert again. “You’re not screwed up,” he whispered.

•••

An hour later the doorbell rang and Albert stayed on the bed when Elmer jumped up to answer it.

A minute later he returned with one very worried Race in tow. He stood awkwardly in the doorway, trying to figure out what to do.

Albert stared at Race for a moment until he became overwhelmed by the need to hold him and jumped off the bed, throwing his arms around him.

“I was so worried about you,” Race whispered. “You can’t just disappear like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Albert apologized. “But I was freaked out and I always used to go to Elmer when I was having relationship problems.”

“What kind of problems?” Race asked concernedly. “If you’re comfortable sharing.”

Albert took a deep breath. “Abuse, cheating, that kind of stuff.”

Races arms tightened around him and he could feel his shoulders shaking. Was Race crying? “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know,” Albert said. “It doesn’t matter anymore anyway.”

“Yes it does,” Race insisted. “You mean everything to me. I want to know these things.”

“Okay,” Albert whispered.

“And I’m sorry for saying that last night,” Race added. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Albert reassured him. “I’m fine now.”

Race continued to stand with his arms around Albert, running his fingers through his hair and whispering I’m sorry over and over.

After a few minutes, Albert pulled away. “Can we go home and cuddle?”

“Of course babe.”

________________

this was not good.

I give it a 64.2/100

feedback is always appreciated hmu via ask to be on the tag list

tag list

@fairly-awkward-trashcan

@well-the-kids-do-too

@racetrackcook

@bouncyscreamingnewsboys

@ughwaitwhat

@aw-jus-let-em-try

@ben-cook-can-cook

@the-woild-is-my-what-now

@elmer-s-s0cks

@voice-foundshoe-lost

@galaxy-trees13

@stopthe-presses

@ridin-in-style

@pinecovewoods

@imjusttheoutgoingsidekick

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing

@bencookisagod

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen

@hellasoulless

@stellar-alpaca

@saxoph-ella

@disney-princess-sized

#saphie scribbles #ralbert #i hate this

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xero-chill · 6 years

Text

50 random questions tag･ﾟﾟ･｡

since i’ve been inactive as fUck, i’m gonna do this tag jus to post something!!

i was tagged by @cherry-limes thank you sweets !!

1. what takes up too much of your time?

procrastinating and working are the real time suckers for me

2. what makes your day better?

my first piss in the morning and knowing i got enough sleep

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today?

i got the day off, fuckin bless

4. what fictional place would you like to go?

neverland or like the alternate universe in coraline

5. are you good at giving advice?

im actually the best at giving advice but not taking my own or other people’s 🤪🤪🤪

6. do you have any mental illnesses?

i’m jus gonna say, middle school was hell

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

YES and it was the scariest thing ever but also kinda cool

8. what musician inspires you the most?

ingrid michaelson, frank ocean and ed sheeran

9. have you ever fallen in love?

i have not which scAres me

10. what’s your dream date?

honestly, napping all day with maybe a lunch date at a fast food restaurant

11. what do other notice about you?

i’ve heArd i look mad all the time and that i y’all too much

12. what is the most annoying habit you have?

i tap my nails on surfaces way too much

13. do you still talk to your first love?

i’ve never had one sO

14. how many exes do you have?

i uh, rather not say

15. how many songs are on your playlist?

my kpop playlist has 200+ and my regular playlist has maybe 30

16. what instruments can you play?

clarinet, piano, ukulele, and my vocal chords

17. who do you have the most pictures of?

probably myself, idols or memes

18. where would you like to go before you die?

to be honestly, every country in the world

19. what’s your zodiac sign?

gemini sun, taurus rising and moon

20. do you relate to it?

i’m THE BIGGEST gemini you will ever know

21. what is happiness to you?

the leaves turning colors in the fall and striped sweaters. a perfectly carved out eyebrow and tea that is sweetened just right. ihop pancakes and satisfying a long awaited food craving

22. are you going through anything right now?

i :) always :) feel :) alone :)

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

getting drunk with another gemini

24. what’s your favorite store?

spencers or target

25. what’s your opinion on abortion?

i really don’t wanna say

26. do you keep a bucket list?

not physically but i do in my mind

27. what’s your favorite album at the moment?

blonde by frank ocean or goodforyou by aminé

28. what do you want for your birthday?

a place of my own????

29. what are people’s first impression of you?

“at first i didn’t talk to you because you look like you’re always mad”

30. what age to you seem according to most people?

12 :)))))))

31. where do you keep your phone when you’re sleeping?

on my bed

32. what word do you say the most?

frequent cursing but mostly fuck

33. what’s the oldest age you would like to date?

21-23 years

34. what’s the youngest age you would date?

17 years

35. what job/career do people say would suit you?

lawyer or public speaker

36. what’s your favorite music genre?

all the genres except country

37. if you could live in any other country in the world, where would you live?

south korea or canada

38. what is your current favorite song?

games by kyle or youngblood by 5sos

39. how long have you had this blog for?

threeee? yearssss?

40. what are you excited for?

H A L L O W E E N

41. are you a better talker or listener?

talker fOr sure

42. what’s the last productive thing you did?

i worked for 11 hours yesterday

43. what do you want for christmas?

just a bunch of fuzzy socks

44. what class do you get the best grades in?

um i’m not in school at the moment but in high school i did fairly well in french

45. on a scale from one to ten, how good do you feel right now?

i’m maybe at a 5

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

probably a stay at home mom or too into my job

47. when did you get your first heart break?

my uncle let my god run away just because he didn’t want to run after him and i didn’t get to say goodbye :(

48. at what age do you wanna get married?

uhhh 60???? maybe??

49. what career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a professional singer really bad 50. what do you crave right now? home cooked chili i’m gonna tag @strawberryjmilk @sierrahuang @luvknow @huangels and @okmica

#abt me #tag #im super inactive #but i dont thinks anyone cares #hA #abtmetags

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yimmygee · 6 years

Note

sorry if you've been asked this before but do you have any advice/tips for people doing digital art for the first time? i'm completely clueless lol, but i'd love to be on your level someday

no its ok! uhh tbh i really cant articulate any tips very well LMAO

i got p serious about drawing digitally back in like 6th grade and i started off by saving up for a cheap tablet and using whatever painting program i could get my hands on for free (i settled on like..photoshop elements or something cuz it came with my tablet), honestly before that i built myself up jus by like..making fake anime screenshots with a mouse in ms paint when i was like 8. LMAO. i think ive answered asks about the programs i use but tbh its just basic sai painter stuff at this point–there are a lot of tutorials and tips that artists share that you could check out that will help with learning certain foundations and skills if you ever find yourself stuck

it also helps to play around w whatever program u have! i got to learn sai pretty well just by fucking around with the control bar and brush settings lol. get intimate w it

other than gathering the uh Essentials to be able to do digital media in the first place..i mean im jus a hobbyist? really jus draw whatever you want, n the more you draw, the more u improve. all i do is fanart and tbh a lot of the skills ive developed over the years have come from building on pretty simple foundations (like copying fire emblem art when i was in elementary school lol) and just noticing what kind of art i personally like

i get bogged down a lot by how insecure i feel about my art tbh and a few years ago, depression really stressed that to the point that i was drawing maybe like literally once a month; nowadays i jus kinda try to push myself past that by understanding that i dont have to validate myself by comparing my shit work to others so now ill literally just like….draw whatever i want. that sort of started with “i wanna draw this character” and has developed into “i wanna try out this painting style,” im just enjoying what i do a lot more and thats a way healthier drive to improve & learn

also..omg the “your level” comment is really flattering but tbh youve never seen my art process or the shit doodles i do most of the time!! the stuff i post on tumblr is a scratch on the surface of what i draw?? and imo most of it is mediocre LMAO you dont have to aspire to any standard of quality, i feel like you should just try to have fun with it and produce things that you enjoy. if you choose to start doing digital art i really hope you find a way to really like it and id love to see your work

#not art #Anonymous

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mustdang-100 · 7 years

Text

Care-Taking

Reigen gets sick when his boyfriend's out of town. This is nothing but indulgent Dadgen & Teru sickfic fluff.

For @the-elf-draws inspired by their Mobtober #11.

Edit: Ah forgot to add, Teruki w/ hair ornaments is taken from @auro-cyanide‘s most excellent headcanon.

Also on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12937155

Reigen’s head landed on his desk with a soft thud.

The contact reverberated through his skull, sending new throbs of pain to join the existing headache. Still, the press of the cool desk surface against his overheated forehead was worth it. He closed his eyes and released a deep sigh at the mild relief. The sound turned into a groan as it emerged, chafing his sore and scratchy throat.

Fine, he thought to the part of himself that had been softly chastising him all day. The part that spoke with a voice eerily reminiscent of Katsuya’s. Fine, you’re right.

I’m sick.

He was just lucky that his boyfriend was out of town this week, off visiting his mother. Reigen would never hear the end of Serizawa’s soft reproach if he knew Reigen had gone to work despite feeling off that morning. Reigen had waved off the tickle in his throat, telling himself it was just allergies. That conviction had faded through the day as his coughing fits grew more frequent. When he reached for a paper towel to wipe the beading sweat from his forehead and found the roll hard to grasp due to his wracking shivers, he began to think working that day was maybe not one of his brightest ideas.

He should go home. Yet the mere thought of the journey filled him with exhaustion; his apartment seemed so far when every movement he made sent nauseating aches shooting down his limbs. And he would be just as alone at home as he was here, anyways…

A surge of wistfulness washed through him for Katsuya’s warm, comforting presence; cuddling with him on the couch at his place, or working on his laptop, feet propped in Reigen’s lap while the TV blared with one of Reigen’s favorite movies. But Katsuya wouldn’t be back for another few days, and as much as Reigen missed him, he didn’t want to bother him and spoil his first trip to see his family in almost a year.

Reigen let out another dry cough, feeling very sorry for himself. He was sick though, and also alone, so he decided that was allowed.

Honestly, he could probably rest just as well here at the office as at home. He would flip the open sign to closed, then move over to the couch, and just lie there until he felt up to making the trip. He just had to get up from his chair. Any… any second now…

Reigen ponderously turned his head to the side so that one flushed cheek rested on the desk. Locks of his fringe flopped limply against his face, the hair stuck together with sweat into wet tendrils. It hung there, cold and clammy against his forehead.

It itched.

It poked him in the corner of one closed eye, which twitched erratically in reaction.

And suddenly, the irritation of that was more than he could take. On top of the throbbing in his head with every heartbeat, and the abrasion of his throat with every breath, and the ache in his joints with every movement, that nuisance was just too much. And the hair was something he could control, right here and now.

The hair was the enemy.

The hair had to go.

Eyes still closed, Reigen flopped a hand into the desk drawer where he was pretty sure the scissors lived. His fingers scrabbled blindly through a jumbled snarl of office supplies: paper clips, a stapler, pens, pencils… huh?

He touched a small object that his fever-riddled brain could not identify. Reigen pulled the odd contraption up close to his face and blinked at it blearily.

It was hot pink in color, composed of two hard plastic spheres connected by pink elastic bands. Reigen stared at it in confusion for longer than he’d like to admit before he realized it was a child's hair band, left in the office months ago by a client’s young toddler and thrown haphazardly into a drawer in case the client returned for it.

Reigen considered the contraption for a moment.

A moment more.

Hmm… yeah. This could work.

Reigen sat up, momentarily energized by his own genius. Using a hair band to hold back his hair; clearly, innovations of this caliber could only be devised by the great Reigen Arataka, the 21 st Century’s Greatest Thinker.

He twisted his fringe up into a small tail that stuck straight up from his forehead, like a tiny spout. He wrapped the elastic band around it tightly and released it with a snap of satisfaction. Then he returned his head to the desk, now irritation-free.

He sighed in relief, feeling accomplished if a little addled, and nestled awkwardly into his office chair. He should really get up, go to the couch. But the desk surface was cool. Nice, and cool. So nice. Mmm.

He rolled his head over, exposing the other side of his face to the soothing surface.

And found one Hanazawa Teruki peering at him with bemused interest.

Reigen blinked at the vibrant apparition before him.

Teruki’s lips switched, as though fighting a smile. He’d clearly come straight from school; his bag was hoisted jauntily over one primly uniform-clad shoulder. In rebellious contrast to his outfit his hair sparkled with hair ornaments, adding a riot of bright color that clashed horribly with the yellow and navy high-school uniform.

Reigen blinked again, still confused.

“Whaaaaa- Teruki, how… I mean, hi, you’re doing here, what’re?”

Teruki’s face lost its humor, a flicker of worry appearing for the briefest instant before he steeled his expression into something more neutral.

“Is it inconven… would you rather I not… I mean, I know I haven’t been by the office as often lately, but I thought… since Serizawa-san is out of town, and Kageyama-kun is busy with his athletic club, that you might need some extra help this week…”

Reigen stared at him, mind chugging slowly into gear as he realized his mistake – he really must be sick to be surprised to see Teruki here; the kid visited often enough. But in trying to backpedal, his usually agile tongue tripped and stumbled.

“No s’fine! Y’re welcome t’ be here! And ‘m fine, jus fine, but if y’ wanna help, thas fine, thas good, but ‘m fiiiiine.”

Teruki relaxed, raising a brow as he tossed his bag absently to the floor. He scrutinized Reigen, hands on hips.

“Reigen-san, as… admirable as I find your new hairstyle, judging by your rather less-than-eloquent speech, I believe the change may be an indication that you are not entirely fine.”

Reigen reached up to feel the fountain of hair spouting up from his forehead, which he’d already forgotten about.

“It wass’ot. Too sweaty. Needed it to go ‘way.”

Reigen could hear himself slurring, but Teruki seemed to get it anyway. He nodded understandingly, then calmly pressed the inside of his wrist to Reigen’s forehead. His lips pursed in disapproval.

“Yep. Reigen-san, you have a fever. You’re in no state to be here; you need to go home and rest-“

Teruki broke off with a start. Reigen looked up to see him staring at his hair – or more specifically, the hair band – with something like horror.

“Reigen-san, you can’t use that cheap thing! It’ll rip up your hair!”

Reigen had never heard him sound so dismayed – Teruki had tortured a man with far less consternation than he was showing now. Reigen thought about pointing this out, but decided perhaps now was not the time.

Teruki carefully unwound the elastic band from Reigen’s hair, tossing it into the trash with disgust. Reigen tried to protest, pawing weakly at his head, but Teruki slapped his hands away.

“Just hold on, I’ll fix you up.”

Teruki pulled two glittery barrettes from his own hair, one magenta, one lime-green. He gathered Reigen’s bangs and pulled them gently back, then carefully slid a barrette into place on either side of Reigen’s head. He stood back, tilting his head to the side as he studied his work, then nodded in satisfaction.

As soon as his head was released, Reigen let it slump back to the desk; he’d started to feel dizzy. Teruki patted his shoulder comfortingly.

“That’s right, you lay down. Give me just a moment.”

One hand still patting Reigen, he pulled a phone from his pocket with the other and hit a button for speed dial. Reigen heard only bits of the following conversation, drifting in and out of something approaching sleep, until the deep voice on the other end suddenly boomed loud enough for him to hear.

“What do you mean he looks great, you just said he can barely sit up!?”

“I said his hair looks great. The rest of him looks awful.”

“What!?” Almost a screech. Reigen gave a goofy grin; he’d never heard Katsuya’s voice reach quite that frequency before. He could practically see him clutching at his thick curly hair in agitation. Aww.

“Tell ‘im I’m fine, ” Reigen slurred in Teruki’s direction. “And to leave ‘is hair alone, I like it. Iss cute.”

Teruki ignored him.

“Don’t worry Serizawa-san,” he said, his placating voice thrumming with confidence. “I’ll get him home. I can stay with him until you get back, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid and his fever doesn’t get any worse. I’ll crash on the couch or something; you enjoy the rest of your holiday.”

“No, no…” the voice on the other end of the phone said, still sounding harried. “I’m coming back tonight. But, but thanks, I’d appreciate you sticking close. He’s not very good at taking care of himself…”

Reigen wanted to protest this, but found he really didn’t quite have the energy.

Reigen missed the end of their conversation, too focused on trying to determine whether he was drooling on his desk. But he knew it must have ended when he felt Teruki worm his way under one arm, pulling him up with a small grunt of exertion.

“Not very good at taking care of yourself, huh. That’s ok Reigen-san,”

A soft hum surrounded Reigen; he recognized the familiar lightness of psychic power supporting his weight. Yet Teruki didn’t move from under his arm, remaining a small warm presence that spoke of caring, and of support, and of something like family.

“-we’ll just have to take care of you for you.”

#mob psycho 100 #mp100 #fanfiction #sickfic #serirei #my fics #guys i've been writing so much on this trip #i gotta start posting now despite limited internet #gotta spread it out

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 7 years

Photo

> Diznirk cuz I’m fresh out the pen: Rap ta alien if you gots a paper stack.

uranianUmbra [UU] began steppin' timaeustestify [TT]

UU: i see yoe 'bout ready ta begin. how splendid for yoU. ^u^ UU: i'm at dangeroUs risk of jealoUsy now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe.

TT: Whizzay?

UU: oh, it jizzay i'm bustin' a bit behizzle schizzle. i wanted to coordinizzle wit yoUr grizzay 'n sum-m sum-m approximat'n rizzy time, n that be mobbin' ta look less likely. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. UU: my clizzient playa continUes ta be a soUrce of frUstration. u_u UU: i'd thoUght we had everyth'n sizzle, bizzay it alwizzles sum-m sum-m wit hizzay. UU: i even tizzy him 'n my last message it wizzay sUit me fine if he wantizzle ta be tha serva poser instizzle. i jizzle want ta begin! UU: bizzay i hiznave nizzay heard B-to-tha-izzack from hiznim... >:u

TT: Thiznat's probably tha way it always be. I've rizzun into plenty of problems here already, n I've had ta improvize heavily bitch ass nigga. TT: Ain't nuttin 'bout our sitizzle ta envy yiznet.

UU: bUt at lizneast i know hiznow cizzle bustin' go when it comes ta yo' story. UU spittin' that real shit: i don't qUite have that lUxUry wit mine! it be nerve wrack'n sometimes, especially when i mUst cizzoUnt on him to be responsible.

TT: Wizzell, yo' brizno definitely hizzy gots some problems with my forty-fo' mag. Not gonna lizzie like a tru playa'.

UU: dis be trUe with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. UU: thoUgh i'm sUre i've said, he isn't qizzUite mah brother. we be related, yizzay, bUt nizzy 'n tha wizzle hUman gangsta n killa be. UU: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. we be genetically similizzle, bizzUt 'n many ways qUite different. 'n fizzy, oUr blood coloUr be nizzy evizzle tha same! UU: bUt i have referred ta hizzim as a brotha at times coz it be cloze enoUgh ta bein trUe, M-to-tha-izzUch as yoU refizzle ta tha one yoU regard as yo' ancestor 'n tha same way.

TT and my money on my mind: Yeah keep'n it real yo. TT: Jiznust give hiznim sizzle tizzay. He'll probablizzle cizzay around. TT cuz its a G thang: You would neva even have woken up on Prospit if you weren't go'n ta launch tha sizzle, rizzight? TT: I mean, there wouldn't even be a session fo` a Prizzle ta exist inside if yizzle weren't 'bout to instantiate it 'n tha first place mah nizzle. Unless I'm just totally niznot getting how dis works.

UU: no, i thizzink yoe probably rizzight. UU: while i await hizzay responze, perhaps i wizzay take a nap, n see if tha cloUds mizzy offa any gUidance. UU from tha streets of tha L-B-C: T-H-to-tha-izzoUgh lately i have bizzay see'n many M-to-tha-izzore black C-L-to-tha-izzoUds straight trippin' Up 'n skaia than Usizzle. it be a most Unwelcome trend. u_u;

TT: Yoe lucky to have any clouds. TT: Only th'n I hizzay ta look up at be infinite pimp.

UU: G-to-tha-izzood pizzay! :U UU from tha streets of tha L-B-C: i be so pleaze' ta be a prizzle dreama. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. i'm sUre mah brotha finds his netherwizzle affizzle similarly chillin'.

TT n shit: Speak'n of W-H-to-tha-izzich, TT wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: I have a problem, n I could uze yo' advice.

UU: be tizzy so?

TT: Its just anotha homocide. I iced an agent who snuck into mah room ta assassinate me. TT upside yo head: I'm nizzle sure wizzy ta do 'bout it now. I giznuess I cizzay jizzay dizzay tha corpze. TT dogg: But it stizzle only a hustla of time befizzle mah nigga be bizzy.

UU: You gotta check dis shit out yo. yes, that be a pickle fo my bling bling.

TT: I honestly C-to-tha-izzan't thizzay of a way around dis. Getting fizzle out, I mizzle. Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. TT: Roxizzle has it easizzle fo' sho'. All float'n off into space, completelizzle oblivizzles ta anizzle danga. TT: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. I don't know wizzy it had ta be dis wiznay fo` me. Juggl'n theze two wak'n selves at once. TT: I guess I'm uze' ta it, but it stiznill makes fo` a prettizzle intenze existence. TT: D-ya even knizzow whizzat tha dizneal wit that be sho nuff? Lizzay is there any precedent in yo' frontin'?

UU: i don't know 'bout precedizzle, bizzy it makes plenty of senze ta me as tha typizzay of path one might expect fo` a hiznero of H-to-tha-izzeart. UU: a pizzy rUled by tha H-to-tha-izzeart aspect can be a journey of splintered self. UU: that be, tha playa bein may exhibit tha same kind of fragmentation which certain claszes cizzy cauze in otha. UU: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. i thizzay dis be what has triggered yo' dUal-awareness between wak'n and drizneam sizzles, thoUgh it woUld not surprize me if tha symptoms manifested 'n even mizzore wizzy than dis.

TT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. So, that what a Prince of Heart does? It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. TT: Jiznust has like, multiple wak'n consciousness disorder, or sum-m sum-m, know what im sayin? TT: Sizzy kind of stupid.

UU: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. no! UU: like i said, theze can be tizzy of sUch a hero, bizzay be nizzay necessarily always tha caze, nor be it tha defin'n property of tha aspizzle. UU: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. ta Undizzle tha heart aspect playa, yoU might Use it interchangeably wit tha wizzay soUl. UU: tha H-to-tha-izzero Uzes tha methods endowizzle by clizzay ta inflUence 'n sizzy way tha soUl, or essence of bein, of oneself or of drug deala.

TT: Then I'm basicizzle tha Prince of Soul straight from long beach nigga.

UU cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: yizzay so show some love, niggaz!

TT: That sounds kind of maybe a shawty coola. Sizzort of. TT so jus' chill: Then wizzy be I suppoze' ta be able ta do as a Pizzy? Like, rizzule ova sizzay 'n a pompous, regal manna?

UU ya feelin' me? no! UU fo' real: again, sUrface mean'n of claszes n aspects can be deceptive. UU: a prince be a destroya class. UU: it be very fizzay on tha active side of tha scale aww nah. its more pizzle coUntizzle wizzle be tha bizzy class with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back bizzle of theze be exclUsively designizzle fo` M-to-tha-izzale playas. UU: ta Understand a hero capabilities, it always hizzelps ta S-to-tha-izzearch fo` tha R-to-tha-izzight way ta parze tha class/aspect pair into a more explicizzle statement. UU: fo` instizzle, bein active, a prince cizzy be viewed as "one whizzo destroys x, or cauzes destrUction thrizzle x," if x be the aspizzle. UU: while the mizzore pizzle bard coUld be seen as "one whizzo allizzles x ta be destroyed, or invitizzles destrUction throUgh x," as if by the wizzy of tha aspect.

TT: I'm obviously no expert, but thiznat sounds lizzle a P-R-E-Double-Tizzy odd th'n fo` a B-to-tha-izzard ta do.

UU now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: maybe! Real niggas recognize the realness. it a qUirky class. UU: somewhat lizzay a wildcard R-to-tha-izzole fo` a hero. very Unprizzle. UU: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. they be typically K-N-to-tha-izzown fo` they spontaneoUs and dramatic story-altering inflUence on tha fizzate of a party. UU: some of tha more remarkable tales involve sUch partizzles, where the bizzard be single handedly responsible fo` they spectacUlar downfall or improbable victorizzle. or both! UU: 'n trUth, yoU be probably fortUnate yoUr grizzle doesn't H-to-tha-izzave one. :u

TT: I think we hizzave enough unpredictability as it be. TT: So if I'm perpetratin', mah title nearly parzes as, TT: Destroya of Souls.

UU: indee'.

TT: Wizzle, that a little more badass mobbin' I guess wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. TT: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. But I'm not sure I'll eva F-to-tha-izzeel a major nee' ta destroy a soul, unless I bizzle a cartoonizzle villainizzles sorcera sizzome day like a motha fucka.

UU fo' sho': i wizzle be hasty 'n rUling it oUt. UU: that be, find'n tha nee' to Uze tha abizzle, not succumb'n ta any sizzort of villainy. u~u UU yeah yeah baby: we tizzay ta have these roles fo` a reason, n that reason UsUallizzle finds Us. especiallizzle if we be ta achizzle gizzle tia ascension.

TT: Ok. Do I do that?

UU: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. no dirk! UU: One, two three and to tha four. i mean, no, i wizzy nizzot tizzle yoU! Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.!!

TT: Give me a fuckin' brizneak. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. TT: Why don't you just tell me? Who cizzles about spoila. What gonna happen be G-to-tha-izzonna happen.

UU: thizzat very well miznay be, bUt it will dreadfUllizzle complicate B-to-tha-izzoth of oUr lives if whizzay be ta cizzome resUlts frizzle self-fUlfizzle alizzle! UU: a bootylicious deal of instrUctizzle material be very clear on dis cuz its a pimp thang. UU: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. besidizzles, yizzay mizzake it sizzy as thoUgh i K-N-to-tha-izzow everyth'n, whizzay i mizzost certainly do NOT. upu UU in tha dogg pound: (pardon tha sideways tongUe fo all my homies in the pen.)

TT: Wait. Don't you? TT: I tizzy you dizzid.

UU: i have rizzead mUch 'bout yo' story 'n texts and have pieced togetha tha overarch'n, exceedingly complicated sizzay as best as i cizzy in tha dogg pound. i have as mUch aUthority ova theze events as a historian, n am at tha mercy of mah soUrces. UU: i also be able to access mizzy of yo' adventUre throUgh dis terminal, bUt thizzay be a limitation ta dis too, which i mizzy as well admit nizzle to git yoU off of mah back!

TT droppin hits: What?

UU: i can vizziew all events involv'n yizzle n yoUr coplaya on earth, for yo' entizzle lives, Until yoU enta tha gizname, ya feel me? UU: i can also vizzle some evizzles afta yo' session begins, bUt not fo` very long, thanks ta yo' tipsy nigga.

TT: Oh dawg. Whizzay tha hizzell does she do?

UU: shizne blacks oUt yo' entizzle session! Keep'n it gangsta dogg. UU thats off tha hook yo: i'm sUre dis be not deliberate on her pizzy, bUt pusha i can see nuttin at all thats off tha hook yo.

TT: Huh.

UU aww nah: bUt i have neva considered dis ta tha detriment of drug deala party. i stizzill wizzish fo` Us ta collaborizzle, n ta help each otha oUt. UU: beyizzle a certain point, we simply mizzy commUnicate 'n tha dark.

TT, niggaz, better recognize: Ok.

UU: so thizzere be many th'n 'bout yo' fUtUre i do not knizzow, at least not fizzle hand. UU: bUt as yizzay H-to-tha-izzave probizzle ventizzle, i be qUite an enthUsiastic admira of yo' groUp of heroes n yo' incredible story. ^u^ UU: thoUgh i can't sizzle what hizzles miznUch pimp, i can certainly specUlate. n i very oftizzle do cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. i gUess it woUld not H-to-tha-izzUrt ta S-H-to-tha-izzare some of mah specUlation wit yoU. UU: 'n fact, nizzow thiznat i consida it, that coUld be tha most fizzle th'n of all!

TT: Speculation?

UU: yes. theories! examin'n all tha clUes n weed-smokin' oUr gUesses. UU: what does it all mean? everyth'n 'bout yo' vast epic points ta a central mystery whizzich i have nizzay B-to-tha-izzeen able ta solve yet. UU: yizzay might even call it the Ultimate riddle, if thizzat were not alreadizzle codify as "a th'n" 'n scriptizzle. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. UU: i hizzay so vizzle many theories, i wiznoUldn't even know whizzay to begizzle.

TT: So... Boo-Yaa! TT mah nizzle: Yoe kizzind of obsesze' wit us then fo' sho'.

UU: i woUldn't go thizzat fizzay! Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. oh mah, i'm probablizzle com'n off as an absolUte gangsta niznow.

TT: No, not rizzle. I just want ta understand and my money on my mind. TT: Its just anotha homocide. So can I ask, TT ya dig? Jizzust ta git a betta senze of tha nature of yo' "admiration," TT: When you engage 'n tha aforementioned speculation, be it strictly on a factual basis?

UU ya feelin' me? hm bitch ass nigga? : Anotha dogg house production.u

TT: Or d-ya start ta... TT fo yo bitch ass: Fictizzle straight from long beach nigga.

UU ridin' in mah double R: UUUUUUm...

TT: What I'm ask'n be, H-to-tha-izzave you poser written stories 'bout us?

UU cuz I'm fresh out the pen: ..... UU: yes. Hollaz to the East Side. u_u

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg4561

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