#honestly send anons. not messages. I most likely wont answer messages

[kyleecarrigan]

Things are weird, life is weird.

[bwabys-scenarios]

hey, so would it be okay for this to just be read and not answered? i want to respect everyone's privacy.

so, i used to be in your old discord you now privated and that's totaly fine! whatever makes u most comfy! i kinda put two and two together with the person u were talking about on here and someone who left that discord like 2 weeks ago. IF its the same person im thinking of, then they are currently being harassed, called a c*nt, delusional, anon is asking for usernames of people, which they refuse to give and dont want to speak about the situation further (they honestly arent even talking about it and seem to be moved on? idk what anon is on about). essentially a very similar message to yours of dont harass anyone or ask questions further, we both will move on etc i saw it and your message that hate wont be tolerated and i really hope whoever the anon is isnt sending you hate either... it's a weird situation and idk what to do other than bring it to attention, even tho i know you want to move on and heal from this person, i also feel strongly about cyberbullying and people who are nosy and want to get involved for no reason. i just wish healing for everyone involved<3 anyway, that's all and i hope that you are doing well regardless! im wishing you a lovely day or night mwah<3

No, anons haven’t sent me any hate at all, this is actually fucking disgusting. Maybe I haven’t gotten the hate yet? Either way I’m assuming it’s someone from my old server or someone sending them hate just to cause more drama between the two of us.

So big announcement, if you’re sending hate to anyone on my behalf, I want you to fucking show yourself. I want you to apologize. I already asked everyone to not send any hate to anyone, it’s not hard at all to do.

I made a mistake making it public(though I did not mention their name once on tumblr), and this is a very harsh lesson to learn. I have the person that’s receiving this hate blocked or I would personally apologize to them, but if they see this, that’s not what I wanted at all. If you find out who is sending you the hate you can contact me and I’ll make sure they get reported. You can also report anonymous messages, and it should still affect their account! I did this in the past and it got someone’s account who was bullying me taken down.

I never mentioned the persons name publicly but I did vent about them in my discord after the big falling out because I was so frustrated. I didn’t want more people to know who they were after I calmed down so I kicked everyone I didn’t trust.

If someone I trusted did this, it breaks my fucking heart. This is not what we do, this shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone. Idc what anyone did in this situation, she didn’t do anything worthy of receiving hate. No one should get that kind of shit. No one.

I would have hoped people had some common fucking decency. This literally pissed me tf off.

It’s a big lesson, even if you think you can trust people with information, you always have to be careful. That’s why I made a whole new server with no drama and no vents or anything to prevent this. It’s partially my fault, even if I didn’t say their username on my tumblr I did say it in my discord server. At the time it only had around 20ish people, but soon after I posted in vent I made the vent channel private and kicked 10 people, the unprivated the vent channel after. Before we had a falling out I didn’t mention them at all, and it should have stayed that way.

I haven’t checked their account since I blocked them, but they should be able to block the anonymous accounts. I’m pretty sure it blocks alts as well? Because when I block someone at least I’m unable to see the account on my alt. Idk about being blocked though. Sorry I don’t usually try to go to someone’s account after I’ve been blocked.

I’d recommend turning off anons for a while, it’s what I did after the fallout because I was afraid of getting bad anonymous asks as well. And at the time before I turned it off I did receive a few nasty asks about me being dramatic etc, but I didn’t really give it much thought.

People enjoy drama and stirring the pot. I think I’ll also turn off anon and limit my messages to people I follow only for a bit just to be safe 😭

If you send anyone hate on my behalf, you are scum. I don’t tolerate bullies, that situation has been over with for nearly a week now, and we both moved on. There’s no reason to send hate to anyone.

I’m sorry, in the future I’ll be more mindful of who I vent to. It’s just not okay, I thought I could trust my server of FULLY GROWN ADULTS to act like adults should, but clearly fucking not. I’m not only disappointed, but also angry and upset.

If you think sending someone hate on my behalf helps me at all, you’re wrong. All it does it hurt others and cause more problems for me. This has brought back all the stress of the situation when I felt like I finally moved on from it.

I’m sorry, again, it’s my fault for trusting the wrong people. I’ll keep my venting between my closest friends from now on. This is just not acceptable behavior, who the fuck sends someone anonymous hate over INTERNET DRAMA? Go outside, touch some grass, interact with someone in the real world!

I offer all of my apologies to the person affected. Not mentioning their name, but I really hope this message clears everything up. I don’t want anyone sending ANYONE hate.

[flamediel]

About me

ok, so I figure it was finally time for me to make one of these since i’ve been here for a bit and I hate how disorganized tumblr is. Hi, I’m Nadia, I’m 19, and this is my CNCO blog. I’m a mixed black muslim bisexual who uses they/them pronouns and I’m studying law. Other random facts about me are I box, make my own clothes, paddleboard, and love dogs. My aesthetic is all over the place and so is my brain so while typing this out i decided to make a moodboard that’s ✨my aesthetic✨ so here lol:

Was that necessary? no. did I do it anyway? yes. Moving on..

so what will you find on this blog?

Primarily, CNCO. This is a side blog so I tend to stay pretty on brand with the content I post. I tend to answer asks here, be it about fandom tea or random stuff relating to the boys, but when inspiration strikes I’ll write fics, make moodboards, or even pull together random uquizzes and zodiac interpretations no one asked for. I host a lot of events on here too like to celebrate their albums or band anniversaries, so stay tuned for that as well. As you can see we do a little bit of everything here, so feel free to stop by for a chat whenever. 

Where can I find your writing?

All my fics can be found under the ‘#my writing’ tag on my blog, so check them out there! anything tagged minors dni (or cnco smut for older posts) is 18+

What writing do you have coming up?

Chris sex tape smut

Boxdiel smut

Sub!Richard Smut

Zabdiel + Power Play

The boys while you’re pregnant (Minus Chris since it’s already up)

Richard pampering you

a ton of songfics I have half finished

And if you want anything else, I am taking requests! Keep in mind they may take a while though, I tend to write when inspired and I haven’t had the time at all lately with work. Also, if you remember requesting something that isn’t here, it’s because I likely haven’t gotten to starting it. once I do, I’ll add it here. 

Where can I find your moodboards?

These will be under the ‘#cnco moodboard’ tag on my blog! Requests for moodboards are open (and will probably be fulfilled MUCH more quickly). 

UQuizzes?

Which CNCO member are you?

Which CNCO hookup are you?

Where are your CNCO Zodiac interpretations?

I’m only doing full chart readings for the boys once we get their birth times, since I don’t like how inaccurate readings can be without houses and such (ie, Chris’s Sagittarius energy doesn’t make sense until you realize it’s all in the fourth house). That means I’ll be analyzing Joel and then Chris’s birth charts in detail for now, and when we get the rest of the info I may do the others’. This is gonna take a while since these are long and take a ton of research, sorry about that

Joel: Part 1 (part 2 coming soon)

Chris: (TBD)

Management vs record label analysis

You've done some analyses of cncos team from a legal perspective, where are they?

Joel leaving the band timeline/contract renegotiation explanation

Who owns cncos trademark

Why are some of your posts tagged minors dni?

Why didn’t you answer my ask?

personally, I don’t feel comfortable with minors interacting with any explicit content on my blog. I tag it that way for people to be able to blacklist these posts (including adults who don’t want to see them). I know minors look at this content anyway, I’m not dumb, but this gives them the opportunity to be responsible without me having to make this whole blog nsfw, andit also provides a clear warning. Minors I find repeatedly interacting with my NSFW posts are getting blocked. You’re violating my consent and disrespecting the rules I put in place on my blog, and I don’t want you around if you cant understand that.

my inbox is almost always full and it takes me a while to get to stuff! I will though, i promise, and if it takes a while maybe resend it since tumblr doesn’t like to work sometimes. 

Why do certain anons have symbols/emojis?

It’s like a signature so I can tell which anon it is. if you want one just ask!

can you tell me about X cnco thing?

usually, yes. but also, keep in mind I don’t know everything, and most of what I say is my opinion, as with everyone else here. don’t take it too seriously please. I will also sometimes answer asks sarcastically or jokingly and entertain dumb stuff, if you have a problem w that just send smth in about that instead of fighting, no need to get disrespectful over tumblr shit I swear it’s unnecessary. 

Why wont you answer dms?

I am. so so bad at checking dms. so bad. it gives me anxiety and i WILL leave people on read. honestly if you’re not my mom you should not be expecting quick replies from me. if you want to talk more and we’re mutuals, message and ask for my snap. I tend to be more active on there

Why aren’t you following me/liking my posts/in my notes? 

I probably am, this is a side blog, I interact from my main @imbrium-mare​

Any other important notes?

A couple. First, something light. info about me is in my ‘#about me’ tag, and if you care what i look like check the ‘#my face’ tag, I tend to delete those every now and then so you might not find anything.

Secondly, more heavy. Like most active cnco blogs, I’ve dealt with my fair share of “anon” hate. Most of the time, I can figure out who you are pretty easily. Yall aint slick at allll, and I am more than happy to expose anyone who thinks online bullying is okay. casual reminder, using racial and homophobic slurs is not cute. I will not tolerate it, you’ll be blocked. the fact people think this is ok to do over a BOYBAND of all things? tragic.

And finally, since this will now be my permanent pinned post, any events I host or new things I write will be linked in a reblog of this post and pinned, rather than pinning the actual post with it. That way this information is all still accessible. That’s it! have fun, and I hope you enjoy your time here xx

[illusionlock]

pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick! 

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

[fairycosmos]

I really appreciate your answer to the anons question abt their mom showing symptoms. Its past midnight where I am, I need to sleep so I can work (remotely) tmrw but I am just so so anxious bc my mom has cancer and has to go in to get chemo tomorrow and I’m fucking terrified of her leaving the house. She is so immunocompromised, and all this new covid anxiety I’m having is exacerbating ALL the anxiety/trauma I experience of having a loved one living with advanced cancer.. (1/2)

omg so sorry for taking a moment to get back to you but dude 😖😖 i honestly cant imagine how worried you must be. i relate infinitely to having a sick mum, but it must be so awful for yours to have to leave the house regularly for treatment during this pandemic. god. i dont want to patronize and i mean this in the most genuine way, you are both so so strong and capable of so much. and if you’re both doing what you can in terms of social distancing, quarantining and hygiene, then it’s more than likely that she wont be exposed esp if you dont live in a busy area. that being said, i think you have every right to anxious, seriously. and while it’s an uncomfortable feeling that can often lead to inaccurate thinking patterns, it’s not smth you need to try to push down. instead i think it’s important that you’re able to practice healthy coping mechanisms when possible, in order to rationalize and lessen the intensity of being overwhelmed with panic. it doesn’t have to work every time, but trying is what counts. whether that’s journaling or meditation or talking to someone - whatever works for you. you deserve time to breathe and recuperate. it must be so hard to find any sort of distraction, but trying to encourage rest within your own mind is a good habit to get into it. also i cant BELIEVE still have to work even remotely, and i would honestly fight the whole system purely on you/your mums behalf. it’s such a nightmare, and i am so proud of you. from the bottom of my heart, you’re doing so so well. and i really really hope you both have the medical and emotional support you need, even just in terms of online communities and just keeping in contact with your loved ones even if it’s not in person. none of us are in this alone, and the sooner the impact our joint efforts come to fruition, the less at risk we’ll all be.  then your mum can keep working on making her recovery in a safe environment, which you’re clearly doing all you can to provide. try to go to bed each night knowing she is still receiving the care she needs and that is all that can be done for now, on a practical level. though i understand if that’s easier said than done. anyway, im sending you and your family a world of love and luck. i hope the future is full of nothing but good health and peace for all of you. feel free to message me if you ever need to talk ok!! 💞💞

[gracefull-mess]

Hiya! I have a great song for a caryl edit. I think it will be great for season 9 are you taking requests atm??

I have a few messages like this in my inbox, this being the most recent. I just thought I would answer them all at once.I really love editing, but I have decided not to continue making WD vids. I really am tempted because I adore caryl so much, but at the same time I do not want to keep sinking time into this show, ship or fandom. During the recent hiatus my external hard drive died, taking all my WD episodes with it and I honestly saw it as a sign to stop. Unless something majorly significant happens with the ship, I wont be making any more videos for them. 

Thanks to the anons who have been sending me messages, they are really sweet and I really appreciate them. I’m just really sorry I couldn’t’ help you guys out.

[official--loser]

you dont know me but he told me about you. were just friends so he tells me some personal stuff and you come up sometimes. One day when he wasnt looking i went thru his phone and found your tumblr at the top of his history. he still checks up on you. i wanted to tell you that he wont let me kiss him, he doesnt like to get turned on and says tht sex is only fun when hes in love. i see that you think he used you but i think you used him. he is so nice i wish he would forget about you instead of me

My involvement with him is a very difficult subject for me, especially right now when I am trying so hard to work on myself. My situation with him accelerated a lot of my mental health issues. I suppose you would have only heard his side, and I’m not even completely sure this message wasn’t sent by him for a few reasons which I’ll list at the end of this. But until then I’m going to look at this as if it were someone who was interested in him, I apologise for the doubt but you will see why.

First, I know that he looks at my Tumblr, that he always has. I would change my url but I really love it too much and it has a lot of sentimental meaning to me and I can not let it go. I’m pretty sure when he found it was one of the several times I broke up with him, because I felt like he was invading my diary. I asked him to stop looking at it, obviously he didn’t listen. I am so sorry that he still looks at it, he really shouldn’t. He never should have. I don’t care if close friends or strangers see it, I am very open about things, ask me anything I will give an honest answer. But, if you go through my “personal” tag, like really go through it, you’ll see all the posts I used to make about it. All the pain and confusion he put me through. You will see how depressed I was. I didn’t like to talk to him about things like that, how I was feeling and all, because all he ever did was fuck me. So I’m surprised you are saying he doesn’t like sex unless there is love, because I only recall one or two times, out of the I couldn’t even count how many, where I felt there was love present. If I was too upset to move, his solution was still to fuck me. And I don’t say have sex with me or make love to me because honestly, it only ever felt like he was getting off, and just simply fucking me. I also find it hard to believe that he wouldn’t even kiss you. There have been girls after me, plenty, one of which crossed the line and really opened my eyes that he was toxic to me and I needed him out of my life for now. I don’t know if I want to address that story but if you would like to hear it please contact me somewhere else, where I wouldn’t have to post it publicly. Just because this girl and I have finally become civil and while she is not in my life anymore, I don’t want it to get back to her that I was telling someone this story. People habe the whole thing twisted, it went around like telephone I feel. But anyway, long story short he always made me feel like I was never enough and I was only good for sex. He denies it, but that’s how I felt. He went to other girls while he was involved with me, I was so young I thought he was mine. Silly me. We never did anything other than sit in his room and fuck. A lot of the dynamic of our relationship did happen because we had to keep it a secret from the start. Again, if you want that story please contact me somewhere we could talk in private. But anyway it was never really a loving relationship, it was overall very painful, very draining. I don’t think I was ever worse than when I was with him. And I’m not saying it was because of him, but the whole situation with him, because there were a shit ton of outside factors. I could give more details and explanation, I apologize but I’m trying to keep this only too him, because I don’t want to bring anyone else into it. I could go on and on about this. It was almost two years of my life. The first thing I thought when I started talking to him was, “he could be bad for me, he could destroy me,” and I was nearly right. At the time I was so self destructive and that was exactly what I wanted, and exactly what I got. I am so so sorry that he is now not affectionate towards you, he was towards girls after me. And he was towards me not too long ago. I shouldn’t have agreed to hang out with him just yet but I did, I didn’t realize how much progress I didn’t actually make at the time. But, maybe he stopped being sexual and affectionate towards others because I finally blocked him on everything and he knows there is no longer a chance. He thinks I don’t care anymore but how can I not, obviously I do, and I wish he would let himself get close to someone else. To treat them the way they deserve so he could get all of that back, afterall I wasn’t enough. (And he doesn’t like the way I show affection anyway.) After everything I know he has also been working on himself so I want him to keep going. I want him to find someone that will help him do that, and not drag him back to the past.

I’m going to stop short but please just contact me so you can hear both sides, I know how he twists the story and puts more blame on me. It was both of us, and it was our surroundings. You really can’t make a judgment until you hear both sides, I never felt more used in my life than when I was with him. And for a year I went around having sex with random guys who I know werent interested in me, only my body. It’s weird sometimes I still felt more love from some of those stranges than I did from him.

Anyway now to address why I don’t completely believe this is someone else, and why I think it may be him.1. If you were just friends, why would try to kiss him?  small detail but still a question 2. He doesn’t like to get turned on, I don’t really understand that so you’re also a friend trying to turn him on, or does he tell you about girls that try to.3. A while ago, before I had him blocked, he was telling me he was losing interest in sex. I don’t remember the reason being the absence of love.4. I think he used me but you think I used him, is something he says, not some conclusion you would draw from hearing about our past. Unless, he now talks of me only from one side. Which is possible.5. What was the point of sending this to me, what would you get out of a response? Or did you just want to hurt and upset me, because that is what this did.6. He hates when girls go through his phone, he has a lot to hide (from my experience and while I was involved with him) but this leads me to the next7. If he found out he would be upset, so why would you message me here, where I would have to post publicly. And if he really does check my blog often, he would obviously see. Did you want him to? Or was this just sent by him?

Which is mainly why I believe this was sent from him, and he wanted to see how I still felt. He always used to guilt me, I believe this may just be another form of that. I think I was the most forgiving and gullible girl he ever got involved with, so when he needs someone, he thinks I will still always be there. In a way I will always be there, just not always like I used to. He was a huge part of my life I will always care and miss him, but there is no room for that right now, while I am working on myself. If there is any bit of truth in this ask, and he is not giving a good friend a chance because of me, then I am terribly sorry. Although, I am currently sceptical of this actually being the case. If this message wasn’t sent by him, please whoever sent it contact me somewhere else any social media or something,  message me again off anon if you have an account. I feel like we need to talk more about this if you have only heard his side, and now my VERY abridged version. If this was him I unblocked you on Snapchat so message me I left too many doors open I am sorry.

[fyodorscenarios]

i need to ask for some advice this sleepover saturday, although this might be a bad note to start it on lmao. i don't really know who to ask. anyway, my friends never invite me places and yesterday i found out that they all got together and had a sleepover. i literally live just down the road from where they all were. it keeps happening and each time i feel worse and worse but i don't have any other friends i can hang out with. i tried asking one of them if i was annoying but she said i 1/2

wasn't and i have a sneaking suspicion that none of them care about me at all, so they just forget me. i feel kind of pathetic and would almost prefer to have no friends because even if i dont graduate this year, they all will and i wont have to see them anymore. but i also kind of know that's unhealthy. i just don't know what to do. sorry if you don't know how to answer this, but thank you for reading it. 2/2

First of all, sorry for taking so long with my answer! I didn’t want to answer it during the movie because my attention was divided with it going on, so I had to save thinking about this until later. Advice under the cut (it got pretty long):

I get where you’re coming from anon. I have some friends that have done stuff without me on multiple occasions, and it can feel pretty crappy. 

If you’re up for it, the first thing I would suggest is being honest with them and letting them know that it makes you feel bad when they leave you out like that. Tell them that you feel like they don’t care about you or don’t want to be your friend because of what they’re doing. They might not even be taking into consideration that you might feel left out, so telling them honestly might prompt them to invite you again. 

Second of all, try inviting them to do things yourself. Relationships are a give and take, so if you tend not to invite them to do things they might not think of inviting you back. They might be thinking that you actually don’t want to hang out if you never invite them anywhere. At least that’s what the psychologist I used to see told me, and I think she’s probably right about it. 

I know it seems odd, but the problem might be that your friends think that you don’t like hanging out with them. This leads to them not inviting you, and you thinking that they don’t like you. It’s an endless cycle, unless someone breaks away from it. Of course, I might be wrong about all that. So here’s some more advice: 

You can always make new friends. Just try talking to some kids you sit near in class. I made a shit ton of new friends in my last year of high school just by talking to the people around me. I know in a world like our’s it’s very easy to be cynical, but I’m sure you’d be able to meet someone who would let you sit with them at lunch and hang out with them outside of school. You just have to get to know people for a little bit. 

If you end up having trouble with that though, I’ll be around. You can message me directly with your blog, or just send me stuff on anon. You can talk about anything you like, I’m cool with it. Then you can brag to everyone and say you have an internet friend lol. 

It’s also good to remember that most friendships aren’t forever. I’ve grown apart from many of my friends. I hate it, but it’s kinda just something that happens naturally as time passes. You’ll always find new friends too though, as long as you’re open to it. 

I hope I’ve helped you in some way, also feel free to let me know how it goes. Good luck!!

[whence-the-woody]

Hi, I've seen you post things about self care and I was wondering if you could give me some advice. There's this small group of people i have to hang around most days but i think they are kind of toxic. Even the one person I kind of trusted the most among them sometimes acts really shitty, sometimes says offensive things just to make me feel lower than everyone else and at the moment i laugh it off and pretend is all a joke but then i feel really shitty knowing everyone thinks im their clown

(2) and i dont know how to stop them from thinking they can be nice to me one week and then assholes the other week. I have low self-esteem and tht’s why i dont really stand up for myself in those cases but i want to learn how to respect myself so others do too. Everytime i make progress and fell a bit better about the way i protect and defend myself they go and say something horrible and i just laugh, or they use me and i need help :( 

Hi Anon, I’m really sorry it’s taken me a couple days to reply, I just needed to gather my thoughts and feelings and wait until I was in a good headspace. I’m gonna assume that you’re quite young or at least still in school because unfortunately thats the time of life where you really dont get any autonomy in who you spend your days with and because of the crippling pressure to not be the loner you end up sticking with people that years later you realise you never would have by choice. (If im wrong stop reading and send me another message because this will all be useless to you)So, first off let me say that I dont want to tell you what to do or what’s going to be right for you, I can only tell you my own experiences and hope you get something from it. Because let me tell you, reading that message was like hearing from my 14 year old self, its scary how much I relate to your situation (so much so that a part of my brain was like is this a troll? coz how?!?). I spent my days with a small group of girls that started out as my friends - one was my best friend from primary school so I trusted her till she started to change, same as you. I wont dwell on the shitty parts of my experience except to say it was very similar to you, with some incidents that were more out-rightly hostile and worse towards the end, which is why part of what I would say is to make changes now before things escalate as they usually do. It eventually got to the point where I could not take it anymore and being alone with no friends in school was actually the lesser of two evils so thats what I did and honestly it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. At first yeah  it was sad and lonely and I was self conscious all the time but I was better off and I was independent and I learnt how to be alone. I cannot stress this enough, to anyone and everyone, the ability to be by yourself, enjoy it and just sit with yourself is so unendingly valuable - how are you ever going to get to know you if you dont spend some quality time? how will you ever develop who you are if you spend all day every day shrinking yourself so the toxic assholes dont notice you? I spent more time online, I spent more time with my family I spent more time on my studies and I spent more time with myself. In that time I learnt so much about myself, I started to plan what I was going to do with my life, I found things that I loved that formed who I am today, I made friends on this very website that I still hold today, I did the cliche thing of finally getting the haircut and wardrobe that I wanted and I embraced who I was because why the fuck should I or you do any differently? Those toxic people around you wont be in your life forever, you will find better people and maybe even those friendships wont last forever but your relationship with yourself will always matter and there is no better way to grow that then to treat yourself with the utmost kindness and make sure you are being treated the way that you deserve - either by demanding it from people around you or moving on. Again, I cant tell you what would be best for you or what you need so let me just tell you one of the most vivid memories I have of my adolescence: The day that I decided I was done with those toxic “friends” I walked home from school and on the way noticed that the pit of dread in my stomach, the nauseous churning that came with wondering what hurtful thing someone was going to say or do next was gone. But the kicker was that I didnt even notice that feeling until it was gone. I had been living with that actual fear of my “friends” for so long that I hadn’t even noticed it was there until I felt it leave and holy shit was that a fucking freeing realisation. I’m sorry if this rambling answer doesn’t help you, I really hope it does and I hope I hear from you again (maybe even not as anon this time). If this cheesey personal rambling wasnt what you were looking for and doesnt apply to you I really am sorry, I could only offer what I got from your message and the experiences of mine it made me think about, hopefully that makes sense. I really do want to know what you decided to do and If you want to talk specifics and self-care Id be more then happy. 

Namaste xxx (that might not mean anything to you but its the most loving sign off I can offer)