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#hope the next one changes my mind
sexysilverstrider · 6 months
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one thing i love about fire emblem awakening is that its core element is love. love for a friend. love for a family. love for their beloved. love for oneself. love plays a huge role in the game and is one of the important themes and i love that so much
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myokk · 5 months
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(sebastian was interrupted in the middle of a good book)
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aurorangen · 22 days
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For how long will I have to live with this pain?
Transcript:
[Starting high school was a fresh start for me. I met new people and my best friends were by my side. I made lots of happy memories and forgot the bad things from primary school. It was all perfect when it began]
[That day, it started like any other day until I got to school. I was met with staring eyes and whispering voices. Talks about a missing person. Kingsley? Could he be related to Ashton Kingsley? 4 months have passed since the shed incident and we never talked about him at home. I hadn't thought about him in a while]
[Billy drove me home after school and I asked about the missing person case. The man was Dr Anton Boerescu and he showed me the newspaper, it was that doctor again. He kept quiet about my dad when he talked though. I was reading the article then looked up and saw an undercover police car parked on my house drive]
Police Officer: Payton Wilkinson, you are under arrest for the murder of Ashton Kingsley-
[My heart was racing and I was too stunned to speak. I couldn't understand what was happening. Billy tried to take control of the situation, demanding details as he recognised the officers from the other station]
[I wanted to run to my mum, but I was stopped and I froze at the sight. All I could see was her shaking while being handcuffed, crying and denying the accusations. I could hear Billy contacting his chief: he had no power]
Payton: [begging] Please! I would never do such a thing! Billy take care of Vincent! Make sure nothing-
[I was so scared: the police were arresting her for murder. I didn't know what to believe and started suspecting my own mother. The times she didn't seem like her usual self, if she was at work while I was at school, how much she despised him, why she has never mentioned his name. I fell to my knees. She couldn't have, could she?]
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imminent-danger-came · 4 months
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Lady Bone Demon: "Do not lament your fate child, you can rest knowing you served your purpose—destiny has found you."
(2x10 This is the End!)
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Lady Bone Demon: "A reminder: it seems you can not be trusted to willingly follow the path of destiny. But know this: If you betray me again—one misstep, one failure in any way—I will erase the very memory of you."
(3x04 The Winning Side)
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Tang: "You're wrong. I know I'm not a strong as they are. I may still be searching for my purpose—but what I do know, is that doing it alone is not the path I'm destined to take. Deep in my heart, I know my place is alongside my friends."
(3x08 Benched)
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Lady Bone Demon: "I sent you a task—you were to retrieve the Monkie King and his protégé, yet you refused the path of destiny and so there will be pain."
(3x08 Benched)
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Tang: "STOP! It was me! I mean, yeah, Macaque forced me to do it and I am definitely starting to have second thoughts on the whole thing now but- I don't know how and I don't know why, I just felt like I had to. Like it was...destiny!" Lady Bone Demon Voice Over: "Destiny can not be undone Sun Wukong."
(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)
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Lady Bone Demon: "No matter what you do, you cannot change the path of destiny." MK: "I don't know if this all happened because it was destined to, but I have to believe that I found the staff so I could use it for good." [...] "If you really believed that destiny can't be changed, you wouldn't be using every ounce of power you have to keep him contained!"
(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)
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Lady Bone Demon: “Know this, monkey, you and I are not so different. We both fight for what we think is right—that pursuit only leads to one thing." MK: "Hmmhm. To destiny, right?" Lady Bone Demon: "No. To pain."  
(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)
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MK: "I can't believe that worked!" Tang: "Eh, if that was destined to go wrong, then it would have!"
(4x03 The Great Tang Man)
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Tang: "If your bonds of friendships our strong, then you will always find your way back to one another!"
(4x04 Pig Napped!)
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Macaque: "Wukong was on a path of self-destruction, we all were. But when he met the monk, it set him on a different path." MK: "Ah! The path of the good guy! Making those good life choices?"
(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)
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Purpose, Pain, and the Path of Destiny
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nurmiiii · 1 year
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while cleaning my room I found a book about azulejos all over Portugal that I bought on my trip there
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bruneburg · 9 months
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Sooo it looks like I might need even longer to end the current hiatus, I suddenly got invited to go to one more film festival, this time a Turkish one. And they are very kindly taking care of everything. I don't know what I did to deserve this. What is even happening.
What a rollercoaster of a winter.
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carnival-core · 2 months
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Hey not to make a political post but does it ever feel like we can just never win and the suffering will be forever and we're always going to have to fight with moments of peace being fleeting and not worth looking forward to
#behind the tent#neg#current events#the worst man alive got shot and lived#if he DOES die he will be martyred . we will be considered a violent threat . the right will revolt#if he DOESNT die he will martyr himself as a survivor . we will be branded as violent and worth stamping out . we're going to be killed#moments of celebration do not last#two innocent people died as a result#and we couldnt even fucking kill trump immediately#and joe biden aint much better!!!#and halfway across the globe innocent families are being ripped apart in the name of an ethnostate and by god Im not letting myself give up-#-hope for them . Im not allowed to feel hopeless for them .#but fuck if the knowledge in my mind every waking day doesnt add to it#and neither of our politicians care!!! and of course the entire fucking world ends up dictated by the whims of the US anyways so the fact#they dont care is crucially fucking important!!#And my right to live and exist in this country will probably be wiped away entirely in a couple of years when I just barely got to taste it#there's a chance I could be hatecrimed next time I walk out the door#And maybe its the ahedonia since childhood speaking too but I'm starting to not see the point !!!!! what is the point !!!!#the fact there ARE people who care about me is the only fucking reason I'm not gonna end it all tomorrow! I swear to god!#And at this point I am waiting for this to finally fucking affect me personally so I can have an excuse to fucking feel that way!#I feel so fucking selfish for being so suicidal when I've been one of the lucky ones but god its not gonna get better is it?#everyone encourages radicalization and change . demands it . begs for it . but it hasnt happened! it will Never happen!#my only god damn choice is to let it lead to despair!#suicidal ideation cw#God I wish I had access to hard drugs
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bluesidedown · 5 months
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....
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ardate · 8 months
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sniffs. man. i really want this job :(
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good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep
#apparently just bc I figured it out my brain still isn’t gonna chill out#now i’m stuck between do i communicate and embarrass myself#in hopes that it calms down the fears that i’m already aware are probably irrational#or do i do my best to ignore it and hope my brain chills out on its own soon#and that in the meantime i don’t do my go-to moves when i overthink something#which are running away or getting mean#(not like. mean mean. but snarky. and a little harsh and irritable)#bc no one has done anything wrong!#myself included so far!#my brain just will not let go of this stupid fear#and it’s the same fucking fear that has haunted me on and off through every era of my life#i WILL NOT isolate myself or push people away that’s wildly counterproductive#and honestly i find it mind boggling that that’s even a response bc IT MAKES NO SENSE#anyway everything is changing and it’s fucking me up big time#there’s too many things changing all at once and tbh i’m fucking terrified#and this just happened to be the thing that finally pushed me into ‘cant fucking deal with this’ territory#and nothing has even changed! it’s all in my head right now!!!#it’s so fucking frustrating to know something intellectually but your emotions are off doing their own shit#‘you can’t think away emotions’ I CAN FUCKING TRY#it comes down to fear and anger at that fear and anger at change#i’m so angry and there’s nowhere to direct that anger#being angry at a concept or the very passage of time is just so unsatisfying and annoying#*change as a#personal#i’d say sorry for the vent posts but i can’t afford therapy so#and this is the next best thing
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In honor of the forum that shut down today, and my favorite game on it, my two favorite memes of all time that live rent-free in my head:
(The context for this one is that, in a game where you are supposed to be as active as possible every day [24 hour cycles] in a Day [3-5 24-hour days], loveit would come on about once a Day to leave one message and vanish again. It became a meme among the other players.)
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(And the context for this one was that I, a Townie, wouldn't keep my mouth shut and kept getting the Scums killed. XD)
(This is my favorite meme of all time. I love it so much.)
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(I should probably mention that I made neither of these. I just really love them.)
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faaun · 11 months
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. anyway after writing the tags 4 this post i told my research partner i will no longer follow his dreams lmao. still helping w it but i need to engage in research that i find satisfying
#i think ive been waiting for something for a while and i will spend the next year waiting for it too#i thought i felt panic but i have decided to read it as anticipation. the thrill of rejection or of moving forward or the latter as#a result of the former. i left you with your backpack unattended in the cafe because on fridays i am done#putting my life on hold for another whim-without-a-warning#this cross country service is delayed by 26 minutes so i will grab a bucket and start shovelling the water away from the tracks#everyone is moving on in some different way and im sorry if you think im mean for telling you getting so drunk will disable you from#recording your brainwaves effectively but it seems like you think i owe you an awful lot. one year ago in four days my friend got me hegel's#science of logic for my birthday and i thanked him for proving to me the existence of things this is what i do he said#and then he will spend the rest of his life breathing philosophy and i dont want to spend the rest of my life#breathing someone elses dreams i wait for the moment of realisation. this is now a 30 minute delay. i was supposed to worship beautiful#things and that is what i will do. i think i have a best friend and i know i have a lover and i know to#restrict my love the way you have. im sorry. i hope you understand when i tell you. i am now sitting on the floor in the luggage section of#this incredibly busy train and i saw a photo of her with her boyfriend and her hair in braids smiling like a fool this is the#except a week ago you told me you almost took too much this time to live. you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and you know you#have already changed the world and it somehow was not enough. now you are smiling without any makeup on next to him#and yesterday you cried in an airport in the states when you were too full of love. this is the most extraordinary human being i have met.#tomorrow he heads off to princeton while his best friend heads to harvard. he goes there to make the world a better place. he is the most#extraordinary person i have ever met. the issue with human beings is that we are incredibly good at almost dying and keeping going.#you try to kill yourself and publish a paper and give a talk. you negotiate the seperation between your own parents and submit another#phd application. i am surrounded by extraordinary people with extraordinary minds and incredibly broken happy hearts.#i only see you smile when you talk about robotics. i still dont know how manifolds work and i love the concept anyway. i dont know.#i do know that i refuse to live unsatisfied.#you can keep drinking. im going to drink this reality up#i think i was a horrible person and i refuse to engage with that mentality again no matter what it takes.
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euphor1a · 1 year
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Hello, my belovedest petals 🌸
It’s been,,, 365 days since I started posting on here 🎀 (the first post made on this blog, for reference!), and I just wanted to thank all of you for being here, from the bottom of my heart ♡
To celebrate, I’ve changed my blog theme entirely (both on mobile n desktop) >.<! I wanted to do something ~unusual~ that is not out of my reach and capabilities, so I thought maybe this would be a good idea... I mean, everyone likes to look at pretty things, right? So I hope you guys can look at all the pretty gfx I made and feel happy in some way 🦋✨🌆! It took me whole 4 days and probably 40+ hours of brainstorming and working on everything, so I really hope my hardwork paid off! 💖💜
Tumblr has never been an easy place for me to be on as I struggle with interactions, building connections, and as a result get lonely very easily. More than often, I’ve felt like an outsider on my own blog, because of how unwelcomed I had felt in a space that is created by me. But, I’m trying to work on those things slowly, especially on how to be rational with my own feelings, and not listening to my brain whenever it’s being unnecessarily mean. About interactions though, it’ll probably take me a long time to actually show improvements, but I promise I’m trying my best always ^^! I appreciate everyone who has ever made an effort to interact with me, I see you and I appreciate you lots, even if it doesn’t feel that way 🫂
That got a bit heavy, no? Don’t mind it, please :( those who have seen me for long enough probably know that I’m kind of like this, but still ╥ ╥
Lastly, I wanted to say thank you so much, once again! I hope my presence here can be a positive one for me and you all as long as I’m here; let’s be happy in this silly little corner of the internet ♡
much love,
aleyna 💌
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eldritchqueerture · 5 months
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thinking about graham casner
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drusill-a · 9 months
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This Christmas my only real family are my two mongrels, my yorkie, my cat and an almost empty bottle of wine stolen from my brother's wedding gifts hidden behind my bed.
#i cried for several hours last night to the extent that my head still ached for half a day afterward#there were a few mini-crying sessions during the day also#yesterday i laid out to my mother what i think#more openly than i have in many years#it started with her asking why i was upset and i replied something that she shouldnt bother#and should return to spending the holidays with the people she loves the most#aka Jarosław Kaczyński his crew and those protesting in defense of /free media/#it would have been nice if i hadn't burst into tears immediately but you can't have it all#(all while my brother and sister-in-law tried to clean the room next door and pretended not to hear)#overall i'm shocked at how strongly the realization hit me#that nothing will ever change when it comes to my parents#and it will only get worse#they will become more hateful#more narrow-minded#more hating imagined enemies of poland constantly finding new ones#as apparently i still had some hope!#given that i cried for about two hours after i stopped yelling at my mother#(also on the verge of tears)#but i had hoped that when tvp will be turned off#a detox from that trash would bring some truth to them at least in some matters#instead they simply switched to tv republika :))) my mom promised to cut down on watching politics said on holidays#said we simply won't discuss it and watch sth else#and she and my father will be more careful not to subject me to watching rightist propaganda#and today no change they've been glued to the same channel for half the day :))))#it hurts so damn much because they are good people#just with zero critical thinking skills so susceptible to manipulation#i was numb for years#and suddenly such a reaction is a surprise for me#i didn't know i had hope that something would ever change so it's an interesting revelation in terms of introspection#// negative // no point in this rant i'm just processing!
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Bro did I ever tell yall my mom hates fitzsimmons as a couple 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫
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