#hopefully its more.. coherent?

[dredgenbane]

been having major artblock lately, so i decided to redraw my old KIY thing and attempt to make it more coherent this time (lol)

[frankiebirds]

reid's reaction when emily says "we missed your birthday" is so fucking. agh.

he nods and smiles and then very quickly looks down.

TIME TO READ INTO IT WHOOOOO:

when they missed his birthday, he was like. "eh. it's fine. i'm thirty now, i don't need my friends to throw me a party. i'm an adult, i'm not upset about it."

especially because i'm sure reid didn't have a lot of awesome birthdays pre-series. i always got the impression he was mostly friendless until he joined the team, with ethan as the only exception (and in my heart they met and became friends in college, despite canon suggesting it was as young children). diana loved him and i'm sure she would have been lovely on his birthday, but i doubt she always remembered it (in the flashback to william leaving in 2x15 she doesn't know what day it is—i think it's very plausible that could happen on at least some of his birthdays) and if she did, she might not have been in the right headspace to celebrate it like she wanted.

(and even if she remembered and she was doing well, i really struggle to see any version of diana and spencer post-william leaving who wouldn't have had serious financial issues)

and then after spencer moves diana into assisted living (possibly on his birthday or at least close to it) he's mostly alone until he meets gideon. (again, except for ethan)

so, in summary: pre-bau spencer's birthdays were probably infrequently celebrated, and when they were celebrated, they were probably a lot less of a Big Deal than other peoples' were, for various reasons. so spencer spends about a decade growing used to not celebrating his birthday, then joins the bau and spends about a decade getting used to celebrating it, and then...they forget. not only do they forget, they forget the big three-oh.

so he tells himself not only that he's too old now to care about his birthday, but he spent so long not celebrating it anyway, and he's fine. it's fine.

and then emily finds out. and it's not fine. and he is upset about it.

[chasedeys]

HI ME ASKING ABOUT JJKOC. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THEM AFTER THAT RAMS GAME. CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 STRAIGHT UP ANGSTTTTTTTT TALKKKKKKKK goddddddddd oh but like. disclaimer lmaooo i keep saying that for all my shit but for real i wasn't really present for that game 😭 i was away for my death i fear so like. i know bits and pieces of that game by which i mean i saw koc mad and jj fucking. devastated. and like. ashen faced. and like. that pr perfect face locker room interview. and answers im assuming lmao truly suchhhh a fascinating man the way he alwayssss has the perfect answer on hand!! was he built this way brick by brick coming into the league lol how has ja'marr differed so loudly from him in this aspect when they're so similar in so many other aspects ANYWAYS MORE UNDER THE CUT 😭 warning mentions of joemarr because of-fucking-course.....

but for real that rams game that i didn’t compute at all bc i was off tumblr and like. came back and was flabbergasted. holy shittttttt. justins face (beautiful. haunting.)…….koc spitting mad (hot. compelling.)……….oh my god…………....

but like. okay. so im like. not that good at angst tbh LMAOOO im more of a crack and joke kind of shitpost feel-good writer i fear but i will delve deeper into Comfort Dynamics!!

the thing is to meeee the way i seee itttttt ->

koc is soooo soft. he's such a?? good coach???? a players-coach is the word people use i think? you can see how much he cares so fucking deeply for his players not just like. as an athlete he has to move around as chess pieces on a board or players on a field but like. as a person. wait sorry i gotta mention this lol i've sent you this when we were like. comparing the vikes and lions game as like a basically who loves their coach more game LMAOOOO (also can i just say. it's objectively fucking hilarious. that dan campbell said. see you next week. to koc. and um. um. um. BUT ANYWAYS.) but do you know depaola has like a mug of my coach is hotter than your coach aksaskfl THAT'S SO???? (justin and harri also have a hawk statue?? with patched up holes these men are so. just. god why are they like this akfaklsf) BUT LIKE you can seeeeee you know that he loves them and they love him and they're comfortable with him!! that's speciallllll arhrgrhrghh soooo happy he's extending lmao BUT TO THE JJKOC OF IT ALL SORRY got distracted by ko's insane charisma lmao

koc's soooo soft, he has sooo much fun teasing his players and them teasing him back, and justin is no exception!!! seeking him out and throwing at him and needling at him and justin doing his nasal ass laugh delightedly whenever ko gets within even 30 yards of his vision and needling him right backkkk they have so much funnn teasing each other its so!!!! cute to me!!!!!!!

like. that's comfort!! that's a nice ass basis to have for a relationship!!!! something to look forward to when you know you're getting to a shitty ass situation and you know you're in the last quarter it's the last 3 minutes and your quarterback (sam....im also so sad about sam btw.....that clip of sam hoisted to the air and ko looking fondly at his team and then. flash forward to their last game. wow.) just threw another fucking pick (i have no idea how the game went btw lmao just that it was um. shit. and sam was um. shit.) because he's throwing to the ghosts of his teammates past apparently who the fuck knows and this is the nth time of your fucking life that you're falling short in the post-season and you're looking to your left and it's your coach and his face is rigid and he's staring at you evenly but he can't keep looking at you he has to be at 5 places at once and you close your eyes and all you can see is darkness but you're the face of the franchise the star of the game there's nothing dark about you not since 20 fucking 19 the stadium lights pulsing into the back of your eyelids as the crowd roars disjointedly pounds your eardrums making you sway and stutter and feel like you're disappearing and reappearing in and out of reality but if you just dig deep you can imagine him—him—pressing his cold fingers into your bicep during winter practice making you yelp in affront and imagine looking up and seeing him laughing at you crinkly eyed and rosy cheeked and so fucking handsome it makes your heart clench up and you hope he doesn't see the way it's leaping forward right at him and he's saying to do your stretches i get you're 20-something but come on now and with that you're shrinking back to reality but you keep that minute paradox of cold-warmth loud-quiet crowded-alone memory to center yourself so you won't break down into tears to be caught in front of all those 4k cameras waiting to capture their next 30 second viral clip to burn over and over and over until you're nothing but just a typed out what a waste of talent there in the vikings get justin jefferson out of there in every single social media account you aren't even really a part of but can't get out of because you have a record breaking contract saying you have to have them. you look to the left and he's gone but the memory of him is etched in you so deep it's enough. you sit on your bench and wait for another chance to fight and it might not be enough but knowing that he's there is enough for you for anything. your hands are so fucking cold but at least that minute warmth isn't just a minute, not really. wow. not rereading all that <3 hope there isn't a typo or grammar error and it makes sense <3 and like not disgustingly corny wow should i reread it.. no ok wow no. BUT ANYWAYS.

justin simultaneously looks like he wants to break down into tears and like he wants to pick a fucking fight. something like ja’marr lmao augh love me a good justin ja’marr parallels why is that i think like. they’re both so good at picking fights and shit at letting people be kind to them. (well no. i think like. justin's better at knowing who he can pick fights with and who he can't. and keeping people away via spinning words and poof they're gone with literally zero trouble. while ja'marr's better at ignoring people because he cares very little for those who aren't really up to his standards whatever the fuck that is. but well that leads to not so good things. but yeah very good at picking fights when they really want to lmao.) and so confused at people wanting to be soft with them. at people choosing to not be like high strung competitive and sharp the way they usually are with each other (which they love and appreciate about each other, btw)!! (see: tee with ja’marr! joe pursuing ja’marr with like. a way that he isn’t used to. a devotion he isn’t used to being on the receiving end. MOREEE ABT THIS IN THE ENDDD which is so very typical sorry).

like justin is not used to. like wait okay so. you see ko poking fun at him!! teasing smiles pokey and jokes and jabs and sharp at times knows when to make it pointy but knows boundaries and that’s the kind of thing he’s used to! that’s the bro ish friendship he’s used to in lsu etc etc competition with ja’marr being a receiver under joe etc etc butttt. kos also so good at like. soothing him. he’s good at picking him apart. being soft with him. when justins needling at him trying to get a rise kos being indulging and when justins purposefully trying to get him angry at him he’s intuitive and gets justin to settle down and breathe. gets him to unclench his jaw lower his spikes soften his brow unsharpen his tiger claws he still wields even if he isn’t a tiger in name anymore and the first time ko ever does this justin runs away spooked new coach what the hell is he doing. i think justin didn't have the best experience with his previous coaches too? not sure abt this lmao but like. koc is definitely a wholeeee ass upgrade im sure. and that’s so. he’s intrigued. he’s charmed. kos always offering him a handsome smile. a warm hand on his shoulder on his bicep on his hip. a little how many times do i have to tell you to stretch i get you’re young but come on now. a little hey made some cinnamon rolls yesterday you want some? c’mon now you’re fit you don’t need any diet grab three i got you. here you look cold wear my jacket keep it it looks good on you. clicking his tongue applying antiseptic on his turf burn and pressing bandages over it even when justin laughs over his mothering tendencies. that overly long ass explanation of his mic'ed up moment too btw that shit was so. why the hellllllllllll did he go on such a long tangent just saying shit about his 'world class relationship' with justin just to say he was mic'ed up while pretty princess justin jefferson laid there all pretty and proper trying to stretch oh my god. ko you are so....and justin you are so......

but anyways. post game. silent. bus ride. plane. vikings stadium? im assuming? restless. justin fucking struggling but he's always been picture perfect. he's already said his peace with sam, who's clearly haunted (i truly do not know what to say about sam 😭. like....girl.......also question is like jj mccarthy playing next year lol. will sam like. return...he's also in the probowl right. which. wow.) and koc finally has a chance to lock in justin jefferson who has been avoiding him for some reason. clearlyyyy this man knows that ko is the person who would. understand him most. who would. pick apart his bullshit pr perfect exterior. then pick apart his next layer of spikes and snarls and a whole other set of perfect words to be said to instigate a fight. always knowing exactly what to fucking say. justin jefferson. is his major communications lmao what the hell made him to be this way i am sooooo. and so koc has his hands all up around the sides of his neck even when jj is snarling at him to shut the fuck up who the fuck does he think he is acting like justin is some kind of child to tend over he's an adult he doesn't need to be coddled over a loss this isn't some high school rusted consolation trophy—and koc has his head ducked down to press over justin's forehead, shushing him, telling him he's so fucking proud of him this season, telling him he's one of a fucking kind, that he's never been so amazed at a player before, that he's never had the pleasure of coaching someone so talented before, that he wished he played with someone like justin—with justin, that he was justin's quarterback, if he was even worthy of him, that he'd do just about anything to get justin a fucking ring, and justin's breaking into tears at the press of skin, at the spill of words, at the sincerest of voice, at the way this man believes in him like no other before, at the way that even with the loss he knows that it never really is one because he has it with him, with koc, so whatever the outcome is—it's okay. god that's corny as shit im so sorry but anyways they kiss. salty as hell because justin's crying all those pent up tears. and ko's kissing up his wet cheeks over his lids pressing down on his cheekbones telling him he's so pretty even when he cries but hey isn't his head hurting why doesn't he let up and show him his pretty smile instead so ko can also get to some healing of his own and justin starts beating at his stomach smiling through his tears complaining thats so fucking cheesy oh my god did he just imply justins smile heals him shut the fuck uppppp. they don't fuck? maybe they fuck who knows. they're exhausted thoughhhhh so maybe they fuck like. the day after 😭

ALSO. IT'S SO. all of justins faces of like. him staring besotted heart eyes at koc is so. wait no i'll talk abt this in the other ask lmao BUT LIKE this is truly insane to me....the hell is wrong with him.......girl the fuck.........and i think like. koc has this man looking at him like this and has him. pupils dilating like crazy....

(a little joemarr off tangent lol boy jjmarr parallels sorry they’re like. twin flames. to me. joes like this to ja’marr too but not exactly? joe isn’t soft per see. he’s so fucking pushy he’s an entitled brat to ja’marr's space at times and that’s the thing that draws ja’marr to him because ja’marr has never once had someone be that into him. be that interested in him as a person not just as an athlete or as a warm body. joe wants all of him and that makes him cave. joes isn’t naturally soft but he’s learning how to be because its ja’marr—it makes him want to be and that fucks ja’marr upppp looking at this man being this way about himmmm is it really a wonder that ja’marrs a bit well a lot lmao crazy about him right back. aauguhgu corny asssss but whatever we move on i have to. go 😭)

also. if i had even a reach of understanding of the vikings rosters personality the way i do the bengals. how is that like oh my god i fucking adore the bengals i could write fucking pages of their stupidity and like. characters and personality??? like i get them?? sort of. obviously surface stuff what they show and what not but like. i can't do it about the other team rosters???? pisses me off. why is that. i watch their shit too. sort of lmao. i think bengals are just. truly my beloved 😭

[chickenstrangers]

Not Me: It's About Earrings

Earrings in Not Me represent identity and transformation. The scene where Black takes back his earrings is one of my favorite scenes of the show (ignoring the continuity editing errors where Black puts in one earring like 4 times). I made this set a while ago but I still have thoughts about Not Me that I want to write down.

The earrings are a marker of identity, and a way to recognize that identity, not only with White's earrings (or Black's, as the case may be) but Sean's as well.

White's transformation process highlights the earrings. He physically alters his body in multiple ways in order to become like Black. The most permanent alteration is of course the tattoo, but the earrings are also important, especially in their lack of permanency. We see the piercing, the grimace on White's face, the discomfort of having to take on this new identity.

When White is living a double life, going between the gang and dinner with his father, we see him taking out the earrings himself, shedding Black's identity. This time it is voluntary, White can separate these two sides of himself, because he has not fully become someone else yet. It is still an act.

But the earrings are not just about White and Black, they also play an important role in Sean and White's relationship. When Sean tells White about his dad, White reaches out to him, to comfort him, and starts gently playing with Sean's earring. This is the first time, really, that White is seeing Sean, the culmination of the flag scene. Seeing who Sean is, the soft vulnerable core of him that he tries to protect with brashness and animosity. Then there is the tent scene. And at this point it doesn't matter who White is pretending to be, and Sean has started to suspect something has changed. What matters is who White really is.

And right as White has begun to settle into this new identity, one that is not just a copy of the one he stole from Black, when he's realizing how he has himself been transformed by these experiences, Black wakes up and takes everything back.

The tattoo is permanent, it will stay on White's skin forever unless he gets it removed, but then it might still scar or leave something behind. It shows the lengths he went to to become his twin. But while White was pretending, he himself changed significantly, his worldview, his goals, his community. While the tattoos and earrings and contacts are a disguise, they are also a part of the person he has become. The tattoo is something that Black cannot take from White, it is etched in his skin. But he can take the earrings.

White looks so incredibly forlorn during the conversation with Black. Especially once Black takes out the earrings, he seems naked without them. He looks so young, like a kid playing dress up but now the costume is off.

Black's movements are detached, uncaring, calm, but it feels as if he's ripping out the earrings, taking back his identity by force. And of course White does not stop him. Cannot stop him. That was not his identity to start with. He was borrowing it, and so the return was inevitable. Black takes out the earrings and immediately puts them in his own ears.

But the meaning of the earrings has changed. Unlike the tattoo, which is a copy, a recreation, the earrings are material, they are Black's earrings. But they're not just Black's anymore. White is different than he was before, and now, bereft of the earrings, he must grapple with who he is now.

Thanks to @ranchthoughts and our regular discussions on this subject.

[themyscirah]

Thinking about how Wonder Woman in the Pérez run/early 87 series really needed a secret identity. (Stick with me here!) Now, this isn't something that as a reader i would want (I've never had much interest in "Diana Prince") or that would be helpful for Diana's mission, and I actively think a true secret id would be something Diana would dislike immensely and hate to use and maintain. But I honestly think having one, at least at a limited level, would have saved Diana and her loved ones SO much pain down the road. Because while they loved Diana, her presence in their live brought so many villains back to their home which in turn hurt the people she cared about

Like I just think about all the horrible things that the Kapetelises (especially Vanessa, she was used as such a punching bag) went through just by virtue of loving Diana... Its truly awful the unintended consequences that came with loving her and taking her into their home, just because everyone knew she was Wonder Woman. Like this was very public knowledge, they were on the news all the time and newspaper and magazine covers and everything together

Which while cool still was damaging! I mean Nessie was in MIDDLE SCHOOL of all places and everyone knew she was hosting Diana. It was shown that whether or not most people at school wanted to be around her directly and saw her as interesting or desirable depended directly on Diana and if she was in town with them! And that's really just the tip of the iceberg there with Vanessa but she was put under so much pressure and given such awful conceptions of herself through her peers knowing she was close with Diana.

It's just such a mess. And like I don't think a secret identity would be something that she would ever think of having realistically at this point, especially because she's so new, and there isn't a strong and visible need for one, (and her public identity as ww was already attached to her loved ones) but I do think that many things may have turned out better for the Kapetelises later if they were publically joined by Diana Deneiros, Julia's niece from Greece, as opposed to Wonder Woman

[irradiatedpiratebooty]

Pleeeease do tell me more about Francis. Why did he leave the Children? Why did he join them in the first place? What did he do down in that bunker for three years, and what was getting out like? How did he meet the companions he hangs around with?

so, i'm gonna go in order of the timeline of events in his life. and please forgive some mistakes in the writing, i unfortunately didn't luck out with my abilities, and don't usually write anything more than footnotes. though i'm hoping the more I write out posts like this, the better i'll get :)

I also made goofy doodles to accompany the writing to compensate, and to better visualize what i'm trying to convey.

growing up, he mostly drifted from place to place with his family, which mostly consisted of him, his aunt, uncle, and two other cousins of his. his aunt adopted him at a very, very young age.

they mostly kept to DC, but eventually wanted to travel more east.

eventually though, due to family drama and disagreements, his family disbanded and he just traveled with his aunt. His aunt was VERY close with the rest of his family, so their departure took a toll on her.

she was pretty desperate to fill the void that was left, so when the children of atom offered relief from the feeling of abandonment, it didn't take much convincing.

the only catch was they had to leave DC and join the expedition to the commonwealth.

so, how did Francis join the children of atom?

Francis was about 18 at the time, and was used to just- going wherever his aunt went. so he didn't really question it and tagged along. He listened to the preachings and started to buy into the ideology himself. his aunt began to firmly believe too, so that helped condition Francis.

why did he eventually leave?

he left at the age of 20, knowing damn well what the cult does to dissenters. he was aiming to make it all the way back to DC and rejoin his family, but without the travel supplies that isn't realistically possible.

plus he's never been to Boston before, so he had no idea what direction to go in.

what did he do for 3 years?

he managed to wander his way to sanctuary, where he met Nate. (who i decided to make into an old ghoul, who protected vault 111 from the outside. he believed in the rumor that the vault was a cryo-facility, and that comforted him.)

Francis was half-dead when he wandered onto Nate's front yard, but Nate is nice and saw Francis as the exact opposite of a threat. think a newborn puppy on freshly polished tile.

he offered Francis his own bomb-shelter to stay in, taught him how to cook (which ended up being a new hobby for Francis.)

Nate is like a dad to him, so it worked out nicely.

Francis has high perception, and he's not stupid. (he just has TERRIBLE charisma)

so, with his S.P.E.C.I.A.L. attributes in mind, He began to question the fact Nate had never opened the vault, and tried to convince Nate to finally check in on his family. Nate refused at first, but after sleeping on the idea, he agreed. only to be met with the realization that his spouse was mysteriously murdered, son kidnapped, and only a recording of the crime. (thanks alternate start mod)

baffled by the fact that nobody ever opened the vault doors since the bombs fell, and now troubled with grief, Nate struggled to even face it all. Francis, wanting to repay Nate for giving him a place to live comfortably and safe from the cult who may use him to set an example for others who are thinking of turning their back on atom- promised that he'll seek out Nora's murderer, and most importantly, find their infant son.

where the rest of the game's plot plays out.

one thing to note though is his face markings. like the third eye of atom and the other rings around his face. usually its just makeup in game, but francis, at the time, wanted to prove his devotion in the most... non-lethal way he could think of. and so he got it basically tattooed. talk about regretful tattoos. with all that backstory being said, Francis is pretty happy most of the time!

sure, he's been through a lot, but he tries to see the positives in things. his main goal in life, during the acts in the main story, is to just finally have a place he can call home. maybe one with a comfy couch and a nice garden.

[steven-has-exploded]

massive apologies to all the tanizakiheads seeing me in this tag every other day but now that we have confirmation he and naomi arent even siblings, ive been looking back and just. realizing how weirdly their whole relationship is written BEYOND the alabama shit?

this is also gonna be a teensy bit long because i cannot shut the fuck up, anyways warning for mentions of s/a + some panels of That and incest. also naomi likers proceed with caution, i really dont even dislike her to be honest but the point of this post is to point out the really weird way her actions are written, so if u dont wanna see that then. there

so. ive realized that basically no part of their "activities" is written explicitly as being consensual on junichirou's end, and im unsure if asagiri even did this intentionally because its just. never talked about and also constantly treated like just a running gag

like maybe this is just the translation im reading but id say that it actually implies moreso that the stuff behind closed doors is nonconsensual rather than the opposite, the language used especially by junichirou really implies that theres at least something questionable in regards to that aspect, i.e. this page in chapter 15 right before naomi was taken into annes room by lucy

right before this is naomi saying that junichirou claimed hed "do anything she wanted", which. yeah im not gonna pretend like that isnt just supposed to be some haha funny kink joke, but junichirou claiming that she "forced" him to do something combined with that forms some really unsavory implications that i, again, dont think were intentional on asagiris part

and this continues through their interactions in the earlier chapters; every single time they talk about some kind of unspoken thing that happened between them, its always phrased like this. ive seen a considerable number of people in my time lurking over arguments online claim that junichirou is in on it because of this panel;

and while. firstly that isnt how consent works - second, since this entire fandom sees their relationship as weird in one way or another and not just funny like asagiri hoped we would and im coming at this from the same angle, this seems more like him trying to let her down softly instead of saying she can do whatever in private, since they were in the middle of an investigation at this point. "not here", at least to me, doesnt imply that hes chill with it in private, but that he just doesnt want whatever to happen in public based on the way its been written

and obviously this isnt even bringing up the fact that one of the first scenes we see of them just earlier in ch3 involves naomi groping junichirou in the middle of uzumaki cafe, because that obviously IS nonconsensual and its just. brushed off. like kunikida tells atsushi not to question it and then they just move on. its very obvious that asagiri wrote it this way because it was supposed to be a gag, but seemed completely unaware of the completely godawful implications of this situation just because its happening to a man. junichirou is visibly uncomfortable in all of these scenes, its heavily implied that theres a lack of consent beyond just the scenes on screen, and then its never brought up again because its supposed to be a "joke"

i dont know. i just wanted to point this out because from my personal perspective as a man whose also a victim of sexual harassment, particularly from a family member, this is the way it came off to me and ive been thinking about this for a bit. dont idolize asagiri thats the moral of the story here mans weird as shit

[sallymew4]

some really quick Teru squibbles i did while sittin round doin a whole lotta nothin

[nyankonui]

The Lab AU idea seems super interesting, maybe some more art of how exactly the experiments work for everyone? Or maybe art of Sonic being a big bro to Tails and Amy?

hope this is legible! unfortunately rouge is still a work in progress so ive decided not to include her. im stumped on what her ability should be, but i do have a lot of other ideas involving her AND shadow so they'll get their own post in the near future

i tried to draw something for your second request but my hand wasnt cooperating, sorry!! but dont worry youll be seeing a lot of the three of them later on :3

[cinderflower]

22 and 67 for the ask game!

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

1st person POV and 2nd person POV because while I understand there's reasons for those writing styles and I can occasionally enjoy works written in 1st person under very very specific circumstances (for example I enjoy the murderbot diaries which are 1st person and work well because they're 1st person), I really don't enjoy 2nd person POV and filter out basically any works that use it. Again, I understand why people like them and gravitate towards them, they're just not for me. At all.

Also anything that takes characters in settings like soulsborne and tries to wedge them into modern AUs. Some works do lend themselves well towards modern AUs which I do think are interesting to explore (eg. my favorite les mis work was a modern AU before it was taken down), but the setting for things like soulsborne is so deeply entwined with how the characters exist that by taking the setting away they just become unappealing and boring to me.

For tropes I'm hard pressed to enjoy reading or writing any of the cookie-cutter generic fanfic tropes. Maybe it's because I was around when most of them became prominent but so often they end up flattening the characters or stripping them of their characterization to shove them into the trope's setting. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

67. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

Honestly the easiest fics for me to write are usually based on a conversation or collaboration of some sort! Like, a ton of my fics are loosely inspired by other people's art (which I always try to link where I can if the artists are cool with it), and a lot of others stem from just talking with other fans and chatting about different ideas or concepts which will spiral into a fic idea. Those fics are ones I can usually write in just a couple of days because the ideas and inspiration are so motivating that I can blaze through them.

It's why I yearn for good community in fandom and try to encourage it because it really is the community aspect that inspires me to write some of my best works!

[e1ectrostatic]

30 Day Fictionkind Challenge Day 14

Q: What are shifts like?

A: Before I begin, I'm strictly speaking about my personal experience here, and in no way does this post serve as a universal definition. Think of this like a diary entry, not an encyclopedia entry.

Anyway, what they're like can vary wildly based on several factors. Two big ones are the kintype in question, and what prompted the shift. Generally though, a shift almost always comes with strong feelings attached, and in its own way, each shift feels like coming home.

Because this blog is for discussing my identity as Luca, I'll focus on that kintype. However, it's a bit hard for me to describe, because more often than not I'm in a Luca shift. I consider it more of a "default" state of being, for lack of a better term.

Anyway, how a Luca shift feels depends on what prompted it. In my personal experience, kinshifts are always prompted by something, and never come randomly.

Most of the time, shifts are prompted by music. Sometimes it's music that resonates with me lyrically — the words metaphorically "bring me back" to my source. Other times, it resonates with me melodically. The sound scratches my brain in a "Luca" way, and/or is a song I would've liked in-source. Sometimes, both the lyrics and the melody take me back.

Other common triggers include (but aren't limited to):

Lore drops (particularly about my backstory or time at the manor)

Any other official drops that I consider relevant to me

Fanart that aligns with my memories/noemata or otherwise touches me in some way

Analysis of my source that aligns with my own perception, or that prompts new introspection

Unrelated creative works that resonate with me from a Luca perspective

Random posts/memes on the internet I find relatable or that cater to my sense of humor

A common denominator among all of these potential triggers is that they are all callbacks to my memories and noemata. For example, my birthday reveal prompted a Luca shift, because it affirmed my suspicions about what my interests, likes, and dislikes were.

Another example of something that has happened to me several times is finding a song that reminds me of someone important to me, so I ruminate on my feelings and memories about that person, which prompts a Luca shift.

A final example I'll give is coming across a post on my dash that I feel captures my "essence" as Luca, so I sit and think about it and any specific memories or noemata it may have reminded me of. Or maybe I just find it relatable (or funny!) without necessarily being reminded of specific aspects of my source. Both cases can prompt a shift.

My response to the shift and how it feels depends on how I feel about the memories and stuff attached to it (positively or negatively). Generally speaking, whether my feelings are positive or negative, I'll probably feel pretty intensely going into it regardless, and spend the next while dwelling on it.

My negative memories/noemata associated with this kintype hold a lot of resentment and anger, so those are the most common emotions I feel during a shift prompted by stuff like that. I may also feel sadness for what I've lost or what I've been through. Or, I can feel frustration at what I didn't know then and don't know now. Feelings like hate, obsession, and grief are no strangers during these shifts.

Shifts fueled by negative emotions can feel like a stab in the chest, or sometimes it can get especially bad and feel like I'm burning from the inside. Either way, I like to make use of outlets so I'm not just stewing in it. Music is my main outlet, but I may also draw, write, or talk it out if I feel up for it. Redirecting my focus to something else entirely also helps.

From the outside, I might appear withdrawn and low-energy so as to not needlessly dump my problems on others, or misdirect my feelings. If it's nothing too serious though, I probably don't seem any different. Just preoccupied at worst.

My positive memories/noemata associated with this kintype...can honestly be few and far between (having a horror source is great /sarcasm). But, they still exist, and can still prompt shifts just like negative noemata can. Most of the time, shifts prompted by positive emotions are fueled by my love for the people I was close to in my canon (or even just amicable acquaintances with). There's not a lot about this source I can be wholeheartedly happy about outside of my cherished interpersonal relationships, so I can't think of any examples of purely positive shifts off the top of my head that don't revolve around my friends and peers. Maybe I'll come back and try to think of some sometime.

Shifts fueled by positive emotions can feel like a flower blossoming in my chest; it feels full, yet ticklish, like the petals are gently brushing against my flesh. It's comparable to the feeling you get when you're about to laugh. It can also feel like a spurt of energy too big to let out all at once, or simply a tranquil, warm fondness. Usually, I don't feel the need to make use of any outlets, and prefer to sit and enjoy the feeling. If I do use any outlets, though, they're the same ones I use to process negative emotions.

From the outside, I have no idea whether or not being preoccupied with positive noemata affects my behavior. I imagine I don't act differently, but if I do, it can't be anything bad. Perhaps the worst that can happen is that I become a bit more chatty.

Then, there's the grey area between positive and negative: nostalgia. It fits there perfectly, like a puzzle piece linking the two together. Nostalgia is a very common trigger for kinshifts for me, and feels like a potent mix of both pleasant and sour emotions. There's no way for me to describe it concisely. It's deserving of its own post, honestly.

I guess it's just a mix of the positive and negative, period. I feel nostalgia when something reminds me of or when I think about the places, people, and things I loved in my canon. Things I took pride in, as well. It's bittersweet, because while the love I hold is still just as strong today, the key difference between then and now is that what I love doesn't exist in this world. Not to mention the things I loved and lost in my canon, not just the things I lost when I began the life I live now.

Both kin and non-kin alike are familiar with nostalgia, so it feels redundant to explain or describe, but for the sake of consistency and archiving my thoughts I'll do it anyway. Shifts brought about by nostalgia feel like something twisting and wrenching in my chest. Like an itch that can never be scratched, or reaching for something that feels so close, but never so much as brushes against your hand. It's a love for something that no longer exists how I knew it. It's either forever altered, or gone altogether.

Nothing stays in perfect stasis for eternity, as much as I like to deny it. Places and times changing and ceasing to exist altogether are inevitable, so it's inevitable that your love will change, too. Don't get me wrong, it brings me great joy to reflect on the things I love, but the longing comes with the love. It's a package deal.

I suppose that's all I can say on the subject for now. I'll ruminate on this a bit more, and see what else I can write about the subject in the future. Hopefully this is coherent to anyone other than me, and isn't too redundant/repetitive.

Honestly, I went on much longer than I expected to. I thought I'd be in and out, but ended up rambling a bunch. It almost made me give up altogether with how long it dragged out for, but I powered through! If you read this long, thank you for taking the time to listen, and if you wish to share your own experience or want to ask me questions, my notes and inbox are always open. Take care!

[heyitslapis]

I hope she's ok

[mariasont]

Sending another thought that I can’t think of a way to elaborate on to your magnificent mind

Aaron Hotchner with his assistant who’s rambling (like every other day) about random stuff and she’s just like “I want kids someday” and Hotch is like “oh yea?” And she’s like “yea! And if I ever have kids I hope they’re just like Jack, he’s such a little angel” blah blah blah and poor Hotch is screaming in his mind like YOU COULD HAVE JACK??? BE HIS STEPMOM????

Sorry I’m absolutely feral for them ily bye

BUSINESS OF MAKING BABIES - A.H

a/n: i took this in a slightlyyyy different direction but ugh same im so feral for these two!!!! thank you for your most amazing request! i <3 you!

masterlist

pairings: aaron hotchner x bimbo!assistant!reader

warnings: references to baby making!!!!!!

wc: 0.6k

Aaron needed to get work done, but his focus was more trained on the delicate patch of skin that connected your shoulder to your neck, smooth and glowing like you'd just stepped out of the sun. You smelled delectably good, which was sending his neurons into overdrive. You were saying something, formulating and articulating thoughts from that perfect brain and through your also perfect mouth. 

He was concentrated on making sure you knew he was listening, nodding and humming every so often as you continued on your tangent, hands waving dramatically through the air, heels clanking on the floor in his office as you paced the room. His gaze moved to your thighs, only for a second, he was a gentleman after all. 

"And she's just, you know, popping them out left and right, and I'm over here like, Hello? Can I get a turn? I'm not asking for much, just a sweet guy who's willing to, you know, help me out with the whole baby-making thing."

You stopped dead in front of his desk, placing your hands atop the wood as you let out a melodramatic sigh. This caught his attention, eyes snapping up to meet yours.

"You want kids?" The words left his mouth before he could filter them. "Isn't that a bit premature at your age?"

"Okay, Grandpa," you giggled, plopping yourself down in the chair before him. "And, of course, I want babies. They'd be the cutest, hopefully just like Jack. He's the sweetest, isn't he?"

Hotch felt his heart plummet to his stomach, jaw clenching and unclenching as he rubbed his thumb along the rough edges of his chin. "Yeah, he's pretty great."

You sighed again, a common occurrence in this conversation, as you stood up and moved around the desk before plopping yourself down on it. Your calve grazed accidentally against his thigh. You absentmindedly adjusted a wrist full of charm bracelets, creating a gentle jingling sound that should've annoyed him, but it did anything but.

"Honestly, though, who even needs a boyfriend these days? I could totally just take the whole donor route for the baby thing. Easy-peasy!"

Hotch's response came after a brief, flustered pause, during which he seemed to search for the right words. Clearing his throat, he managed to look anywhere but at you as he carefully said, "Ah, yes, I suppose you could... do that."

In an effort to regain some semblance of control over the situation, Hotch took a deliberate sip of the somewhat stale coffee sitting on his desk. However, before he could swallow, you bounded off the desk, eyes wide with sudden realization.

"You know what? You would be a great donor."

The coffee in Hotch's mouth nearly made a swift exit as he choked, trying to comprehend what you had just said.

Hotch opened his mouth, attempting to form a coherent response, but before he could broker a single word, you had both hands on his shoulders.

Your eyes were sparkling as you took in his face. "Yeah, like, you have great hair--totally not receding--perfect eyes, great skin..."

Your rapid-fire compliments left him momentarily speechless, a rare flush making its way to his cheeks.

"Well, I--" Hotch began, but your excitement had already taken the reins before he could even navigate through his thoughts.

"I can totally see it; we'd have such cute kids!" you gushed, practically dancing towards the door as if your dreams were almost tangible in the air.

Hotch watched you leave, stuck in his chair, dumbfounded and momentarily lost for words. A bemused smile formed on his lips as he realized he didn't hate the idea at all.

No sooner had the door closed behind you than Morgan appeared, looking thoroughly baffled. He crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze flicking between Hotch and the door you had just exited through.

"Since when are you and Miss Pretty in Pink in the business of making babies together?"

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[kokii-omii]

You know, I'm actually curious about the dreams your OCs have in book 7 if you've thought about it. I know Pan and Peyn would try (key word: try) to distract Malleus but I'm wondering what their dreams would be before they wake up. Hopefully I'm coherent.

i wont say much about what happens in their dreams cuz im gonna draw most of the important bits but i did however make a card for Pan's dream (its just a sketch but yk)

this is as much as im willing to tell (I'll make more cards for the others)

[youngheejay]

Burden of the Vow

Jay x fem!reader [married] Synopsis: Every marriage has its ups and downs. But will they be able to protect their marriage from this burden?

Contains: heavy angst (beware), happy ending, smut, fluff

It all happened so quickly.

It sounds so cliche but that’s how it was.

Quickly, in a blink of an eye.

It could’ve been prevented. Of course. You should’ve been more careful.

“Mrs. Park?”

Your vision focused on your doctor.

“I asked you if you know when your husband is coming.”

“I-“ your voice cracked, the lump in your throat was too big, you weren’t able to speak. You just shook your head.

“I’m going to ask you one more time.” She looked at you with soft eyes as she empathetically rubbed your arm, “are you sure you want to wait for your husband?”

You nodded.

“And you’re aware that waiting will risk the chance of complications? The longer we wait the higher the chance that you’ll get an infection. It can cause serious complications and can even lead to your death.”

You nodded again.

The doctor sighed.

“I will have to ask you to sign this paper. That you’re agreeing to the risks and are willingly waiting.”

You didn’t even read the paper that you signed. You didn’t notice when the doctor left the room. You just stared at the clock.

10:42 am.

It happened at 9:26 am. One hour and 16 minutes had passed.

So much had happened.

“Miss…” Heiran, the lifelong housekeeper who Jay grew up with—or who raised Jay, as he would say—entered the room.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t reach him.” She said timidly, as if she was feeling guilty.

You just nodded. He always muted his phone when he’s in important meetings. And the meeting today was the most important one in his life. Of course you had to ruin it for him.

“Sunghoon,” you rasped weakly. But then you quickly shook your head. “No. We can just wait. The meeting is too important,” you whispered faintly.

Heiran furrowed her wrinkly eyebrows, “Ma’am.” But you just shook your head and turned in the bed, your back facing her and the door where she was standing at.

Heiran left the room with a heavy heart, with shaky hands she searched for Sunghoon’s number. Hopefully he’ll pick up the phone.

The bell ringed but after a while it reached the mailbox. She tried again. Again the mailbox. Then again. Again, mailbox.

She sat on the chair as she held her phone tightly in her hands.

“What happened?” Her husband asked panicked, panting from old age as he sat beside her.

“Honey!” She cried as she threw herself on her husband. Her husband consoled her, “shh… everything’s alright…”

“Everything happened so quickly.” She hiccuped, “it’s my fault. She even told me she was feeling off yesterday night. I told her she’s worrying too much.” Her shoulders shook in her husband’s embrace.

“It’s okey… it’s okey… it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault,” his raspy voice soothed her.

Suddenly, the phone on her lap began to vibrate. She quickly looked at the caller—Sunghoon.

“Do you want me to…?” Her husband offered. But she shook her head, she needed to be brave. For Jay. For you.

“Ma?” Sunghoon spoke as soon as she took the call. “Is everything alright? Why did you call me so many times?” Worry already laced in his voice even though he didn’t know anything yet.

The only thing he could hear was a hiccup through the phone.

“Sunghoon- Sunghoon-ie” she sobbed.

“Ma? What’s wrong? Is everything alright?? Why are you crying? Are you hurt?” His panicked voice echoed in her ear. She shook her head. “No.” She sobbed.

“What’s wrong?” He repeated desperately, his heart hurting hearing the woman who raised him cry.

“Y/n- y/n, she-“ she couldn’t go on as a heartbreaking wail escaped her throat.

“What’s with y/n? Is she hurt? Ma, please.” He begged her to tell her what was wrong.

“Y/n- she- her baby-“ she sobbed, unable to form a coherent sentence.

“Her baby?? Is she okey? Is she giving birth?” He was too clueless to think about anything negative.

Heiran always loved Sunghoon’s innocence and cluelessness. But in that moment she wished he would’ve understood without her pronouncing it.

“No, Sunghoonie-“ she hiccuped, “her baby- her baby died.”

He fell back on the chair he was previously sitting on. He whispered a small, “what?”

She wailed loudly.

His phone slipped onto the table with a loud thud.

He messily grabbed his head, his heart clenching in pain, “what?” he repeated.

“What happened?” He asked in disbelief as he clicked on the loudspeaker with a shaky hand.

“Her- her placenta partially separated from her uterus. It happened not even two hours ago when she said she was in- p-pain. When we arrived at the hospital the doctor announced the baby’s death.”

Sunghoon closed his eyes painfully. He didn’t want to imagine what you’re going through right now.

“I- I can’t reach Jay. Sunghoonie- please tell Jay. You have to tell him. Before his family tells him.” He immediately understood what she meant.

“Do they already know?”

“No- I’ve been wanting to tell him first. But he’s not picking up his phone.”

“Okey.” He nodded, “I know where he is.” He looked at his watch briefly. “His meeting is here, in the same hotel where we’re staying, Ma.” He hurried to the hotel door.

“Tell him quickly. They will find out and if they find out-“

“I know, Ma.”

“She’s- she’s- y/n- she is in pain. They gave her medicine but she’s- she’s in a shocked state. She needs Jay. You need to come quickly. She’s waiting for him,“ she hiccuped.

“Okey. We’ll come quickly.” His voice cracked but he didn’t have any time. He needed to hurry up.

Hastily, he went to the elevator of the 5-star hotel. Where was his meeting again?

He rushed to press the button, hoping he remembered it correctly.

When he stepped outside the elevator he was met with several businessmen. His meeting had ended. Sunghoon pushed past the people and found the meeting room.

There he was. Politely shaking hands with a man and laughing at his joke.

He doesn’t know it yet.

“Jongseong,” he called for him. Jay raised his eyebrows when he heard his name, turning his head to Sunghoon. His face twisted in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed, expressing: what the hell are you doing here? I’m busy, bro.

But when Sunghoon shook his head, standing with a distant away, eyes shaky, Jay had a bad feeling. He bid his farewell to his new business partner, excusing himself. The meeting room now left empty, except for the two friends.

“What are you doing here, Hoon? I’m busy. Don’t you have your online meeting-?” Jay began as soon as he reached Sunghoon’s earshot.

Sunghoon cut him off, “did you check your phone?”

“Not yet, why are you-“

“Jay.” Sunghoon cut him off yet again.

He looked at him with pity in his eyes. How do I tell him?

Jay furrowed his eyebrows, sensing Sunghoon’s seriousness.

“What’s wrong?” He asked cautiously.

When Sunghoon’s eyes filled with tears Jay quickly realised there must be something wrong. His mind played different scenarios.

He shook his head in denial, “is it the baby?”

When Sunghoon didn’t answer him, his tears now pouring down his face, Jay somehow understood.

It felt as if the floor began to shake. The air was suctioned out from his lungs. He collapsed on the floor, kneeling as his breath cut short. Sunghoon quickly went to him, holding him in a tight embrace. Jay’s shoulders began to shake, “tell me I’m wrong, Sunghoon.” His voice shaky.

Sunghoon shook his head, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His tears fell on Jay’s shoulder.

Jay cried out loud. Sunghoon had never heard him like this before. His wails were ripping his heart apart.

Then everything went on in a blur.

“No. No. No.” he shook his head in denial, his hands ripped at his hair, tears falling on the ground.

“We have to go to the airport,” Sunghoon told him through tears. Jay continued to cry, his head continued to shake.

“Jay.” Sunghoon called him as sternly as possible. But it was just a weak attempt.

“You have to go to y/n now. Alright? She’s waiting for you.” He gripped his shoulder but he wasn’t listening. Sunghoon stood up from the ground, grabbing his friend’s arm, “come on, Jay. We can’t lose time.” He tried to sound stern. He tried to be strong for his friend. But his own tears continued to pour down his face.

He held onto him with a firm grip but Jay weakly shook his head. “No, no, no,” he sobbed. He didn’t have the strength.

“My baby…” he whimpered.

And that’s when Sunghoon lost it. Jay sobbed and wailed as he held onto Sunghoon’s arms, shaking his head over and over again.

“No, no, no. My baby,” he repeated, his chests heaving with every breath. The sound of his wails echoed through the room, raw and ragged.

Sunghoon patted his back, his own tears never stopping, “we have to go home now, okey?” He wiped his face as he tried his best to be strong for Jay.

The aching pain in your heart woke you up from your dream. Your closed eyes filled with tears. A single teardrop rolled down your temple, landing on your husband’s arm.

You slowly opened your eyes. The nightmare felt so real. You let out a small whimper. The tightness in your throat made it throb painfully.

Jay stirred slightly in his sleep, his breath heavy and deep against the back of your head. More droplets of tears wetted his arm underneath your head—a makeshift pillow ever since your usual pillow became uncomfortable and no other were suitable, except for his arm for some unexplainable reason.

You quickly put your hand on your swollen belly, accidentally grazing Jay’s other arm which was loosely wrapped around your hip, his hand dangling over your pregnant belly.

Your heart raced as you waited. Waited for any movements, any sign of your baby being alive. No, it can’t be. No. Your body began to shake. My baby. Jay’s arm was now completely wet with your tears.

Then. Before your breathing could get out of control, you felt a faint push against your palm, which was right under Jay’s loose hand. It was so light, any other person would’ve missed it. Except for a concerned mother.

The baby kicked only once and so faintly, as if to say: “Mommy don’t worry, I’m okey.”

You closed your eyes, relief washing over your whole body.

You rubbed the spot on your round stomach, whispered softly yet still shaken from the nightmare, “it’s okey, baby. Mommy just had a dream. Go back to sleep.”

You closed your eyes, not to sleep but to calm your nerves and racing heart down.

After a few moments, you couldn’t help but cry again. The nightmare had scared you so much. You tried to not make any noises, your hand clasped your mouth as your shoulders began to shake lightly against your husband’s chest.

The night went on and the only thing that filled the dark room were your faint whimpers alongside Jay’s soft snores.

You turned around in your husband’s embrace, the pain too unbearable. You needed his comfort right now.

“Jjongie,” you croaked in a whisper. When he didn’t react, you put your head closer to him, cheek pressing against his naked chest as you listened to his rhythmic heartbeat. “Jay,” you repeated desperately. His eyes fluttered opened, “babe?” he rasped tiredly.

That was all it took for you to sob loudly.

His eyebrows furrowed, arms tightened around you immediately in a protective manner. “What’s wrong?” He didn’t register what was going on, his brain fogged with sleep. The only thing that he noticed was your shaking figure.

Your hand clutched onto his bare chest—he always had the habit of sleeping in boxers only—nails digging into it as you continued to cry. “Babe, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is the baby hurting you?” He bombarded you with questions, his concern grew bigger and bigger. He tried to look at your face but you only buried your face into his chest in response, shaking your head. His hands glided over your body, looking for any injuries, caressing your stomach. When he couldn’t find anything he grasped your cheek and forced you to look at him. “Baby, why are you crying?” His eyes wide, worried.

“Is it the baby?”

You shook your head, your cries didn’t seem to stop. Jay pulled you into his chest, hand caressing your head as he tried to calm you down, “shh…” he hushed quietly, “I’m here. I’m here. Whatever it is,” he kissed your forehead gently, “I’m here.”

“It’s okey… I’m here, baby…” he patted your back, his heart clenching, wondering what made his wife so sad. When you finally calmed down, he tried again: “what made my poor wife cry so much?” He cooed softly. You hiccuped, pouting: “I- I had a dream.” Your voice was raspy, barely above a whisper. He hummed, his hand now holding your cheek to wipe away the tears. “Aww… my baby had a nightmare? Is that it?” He cooed, you nodded in reply. “What did you dream, darling?”

You looked up to him, misty eyes shaking as your lips turned downwards. He nodded, encouraging you to speak further.

“I- I dreamed that the baby died.” You bursted in tears as you hid your face in his neck again.

His face fell. He was lost at words, his own heart sank at the mere thought. The crease between his eyes deepened as he tried to hush you once more, now unsure himself.

“Love…”

“I-“ his voice cracked. His eyes blinked rapidly to suppress his tears. You couldn’t see him cry, he knew you would get more upset if you saw him cry. “It’s okey. It was just a dream,” he tried anew.

“But it felt so real,” you sniffled, “in the- in the dream you were somewhere else. And the baby died while you were away. In my belly. I was all alone. I can’t remember more but it felt so real, Jay.”

“Shh… it’s okey baby,” he rocked you in his arms as you shook in his embrace. “Baby, look at me,” he spoke softly, “hm?” He murmured softly.

With red puffed eyes you peeked at him. He kissed your reddish nose, his hand clasped yours which had been digging into his skin. He cautiously put your hand on his cheek, firmly holding onto it. The soothing tone of his voice echoed through the nightlife: “Tell me my love: am I here with you?” You bit your lip as you nodded apprehensively.

He put your hand on your baby bump, “is the baby here with us—with you?” You nodded again, this time firmly and swiftly. As if any other option would not be acceptable.

“If I’m here, and the baby’s here, then what do you have to worry about?” He kissed your forehead tenderly, your eyes closing automatically as his kiss melted the tension and worries away in you. “Nothing. Alright?”

“Okey?” He rubbed your baby belly to calm you down. And maybe to check for himself that the baby was fine.

“The baby is fine.” He murmured against your forehead, “right?” his voice small, you didn’t catch his uncertain undertone. You nodded your head softly, “the baby talked to me.”

“Yeah? What did he say?” He pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

“He kicked me and told me he was fine, that I shouldn’t worry.” A soft breath escaped Jay’s lips as relief washed over him. He laughed softly, “see? Even the baby thinks you’re worrying too much.”

You smiled softly, now a little shy, “yeah… maybe I do.”

“But that’s what good mommas do, right?” He pressed a kiss to your temple, your heart fluttered at his compliment. “Mhm,” you hummed. He is right, I’m gonna be a good mommy. “And good daddies take care of worried mommies,” you whispered lovingly, kissing his chest. He pulled you closer, a faint smile spread across his face.

Suddenly he moved down to meet your stomach. Your top had already been ridden up, and he pushed it higher to reveal your swollen belly completely.

“Hi, baby.” He whispered softly against it, his hand caressing it in soft motions, “mommy is a little scaredy-cat, isn’t she?” You slapped his shoulder, “hey!” You looked at him with an angry frown. He laughed teasingly, “but it’s okey. That’s why she has me. I protect her from everything that she’s afraid of.” He kissed your stomach, “and when you grow up into a strong healthy man it will also be your responsibility to take care of your mommy, alright?” He waited a few seconds as if he waited for a response.

“Na, na, na, young man. Do not argue with me.” He spoke sternly. You laughed out loud, “are you scolding our unborn child?” His eyes glistened as a goofy grin spread across his face, “gotta teach them young who’s the boss.”

He turned his attention to your baby again. “Hey… why are you always so quiet when I’m the one talking to you...?” He pouted softly. “You always talk to mommy but not with daddy.” He rubbed his nose underneath your bellybutton. “Maybe because I don’t scold him when he didn’t do anything wrong?” You ruffled his hair.

“I’m sorry baby. Daddy didn’t mean it like that.” He pushed the bridge of his nose into your stomach, “hm? I will give you all the toys in the world but don’t be angry with me. Please?”

The baby kicked right at his nose. Hard. “Ouch!” He hissed as he held onto his nose, “he kicked me!”

“Yeah I felt that too,” you groaned at the pain, “he never kicked this hard before.”

He looked at your belly with a fake frown, “Now your appa is real mad. Go to your room!”

Your laughter echoed through the bedroom. “I always wanted to say that,” he grinned at you sheepishly. He peppered your stomach with tiny kisses.

He then sighed softly as he snuggled with your belly: “gosh, I can’t wait until he’s here.”

Enjoying the moment and cuddling closer, his eyes fluttered shut.

A voice pulled Jay out of his thoughts. He snapped his eyes open. He had been drifting through a memory.

“Jay…” Sunghoon began cautiously as they were sitting at the gate, waiting for their departure. Sunghoon just got off the phone with Heiran, his face expressed more worry.

“Heiran said… y/n will have to deliver the baby naturally…”

“what?”

“The doctors said that’s the normal procedure when- when you’re in a situation like that.”

Jay rubbed his face, “how is that even possible when she’s not even going into labour?”

“They will give her a medicine to induce the labour…” Jay nodded, his head understood but his heart felt heavy.

“Heiran said she’s refusing to do it until you are there. The doctors said she’s- she’s risking a serious infection and it could cause serious complications. The longer she waits the more likely complications will occur and will cause serious damage. She-“ he pause for a moment, “she could die but she’s stubborn. She wants to wait for you.”

Jay’s heart hurt. He couldn’t imagine it.

“You should call her. Tell her she should do it without you because,” he glanced at his watch, “the earliest we’ll be there is in 6 hours.”

Jay nodded absentmindedly. His vision focused on the floor. His mind racing. His heart burning with sorrow.

Sunghoon dialed Heiran’s number again.

Jay wasn’t listening to their conversation until Sunghoon gave him his phone, “it’s her.”

Jay just nodded, his throat tightening. He closed his eyes as he took the phone. He needed to be strong for her. She’s the one in pain not me.

“Y/n…” he murmured softly yet raspy.

Silence. He didn’t hear anything.

But then, there was a small whimper.

“Y/n…” he repeated as the tears rolled down on their own. “I’m coming, okey? I’m coming as fast as possible.”

You began to sob.

“Y/n, baby, listen to me. You need to be strong right now, okey? You have to hold on. Until I’m there, okey?”

Your sobs got louder and louder.

“It’s okey, baby, it’s okey…” he mumbled gently. God, he just wanted to hold you. Be there for you.

“I’m coming, alright? I’ll be there quickly.”

“Jay-“ you choked, voice rough and broken.

His world began to spin.

He leaned forward in his seat, his shaky arms supporting him on his thighs.

“Hm~” he hummed, broken, trying to hold it together for you.

“Yes, baby,” he tried again when he couldn’t hear you respond.

He continued when you didn’t say anything: “Baby, don’t worry, I’m coming-“

“I’m sorry.” You choked, cutting him off.

He pressed his eyes shut as his tears poured down his face. “No baby. Don’t say that.” He rasped in a shaky tone.

“it’s my fau-“

“No.” He spoke sternly, his tone didn’t allow any argument.

“It’s not your fault. And I don’t wanna hear it. I’m not allowing you to think that. Got it?”

You just whimpered in response.

“I love you so much. We’ll go through this together alright?”

You just continued to cry. Ripping his heart into pieces.

“Baby… listen to me. I’ll be there in 6 hours, okey?”

You hummed.

“But that’s too long. You have to go into labour without me, okey?”

“No.” You shook your head, face scrunched in fear and sorrow.

“I know, baby, I know. It’s scary, isn’t it?”

You just nodded your head, your throat hurt too much to answer. “I know you’re afraid, but baby, listen. I- can’t lose you too. I can’t come home and be told that my wife didn’t make it. I-“ he let out a choked sob, his tears fell on his trousers, “I can’t lose you, too.” He shook his head, refusing to think about it.

“Please baby. I’m begging you.”

“I’m tired.” You whimpered quietly.

Jay opened his mouth to argue, to tell you to not be stubborn for once, to listen to him, to just do what’s good for you. But something in him told him to just accept your wish. You knew the best what you needed—what your body could endure.

“Okey,” he yielded softly. “I promise I’ll be there as quickly as possible. Try to rest a little, alright baby?”

“I love you so much. You’re the bravest woman on this earth. I will call you again before we take off alright? Until then, rest.”

You only hummed in response.

“Can you please pass the phone to Heiran, baby?”

“Jongseong-ah,” Heiran’s aged, rough voice echoed through the phone.

“Can you make sure y/n doesn’t hear us?”

After a while of rustling, he heard her again: “yes?”

“Ma…” his eyes brimmed with tears. “What happened?”

“She-she woke up in pain and she told me the baby was not moving.” Jay felt as if he forgot how to breathe. He should’ve been there.

“I- I told her that happens sometimes but she looked so scared and her pain worsened. And then she started to bleed. I called the ambulance—it all happened so quickly. When we arrived here the doctor announced the baby’s death. They said her placenta partially loosened from her uterus and the baby didn’t get any oxygen over night.” She hiccuped.

He closed his eyes as he tried to process everything.

Sunghoon rubbed Jay’s back.

“The doctor said that this can happen suddenly and can’t be predicted,” she added with a shaky voice.

The guilt of not being there was taking over his mind.

“They told her that she has to deliver the baby naturally because it’s the safest option. Since y/n is not bleeding anymore and her condition is not too unstable a c-section would be unnecessary. Her-her labour also has started but it’s too mild. She said it’s just throbbing sometimes,” she took a deep breath, “they wanted to give her medicine to induce it more. The doctor said she had to do it now otherwise she’ll get an infection. But y/n said she doesn’t want to do it without you. She seems to be in shock.”

"Okey..." he whispered, voice raspy. He didn't know what to respond. The new information made him realise that it was his fault.

During the whole flight his head hung low. He was deep in thought and sorrow.

I should've stayed. I should've taken care of her.

He failed to protect you. If he just didn’t leave.

“Do you have to leave?” You pouted as you sat on your bed, watching Jay pack his suitcase for the business trip.

“Baby…” he sighed softly, “we already talked about this.” He kissed your forehead as he walked past you to grab his laptop from the nightstand.

“No. You talked, I listened and cried," you snapped at him, annoyed, "I don’t want you to go.” You stated firmly.

“It’s only going to be for 5 days. I’ll be back before you’ll know it.” You didn’t seem to be convinced as you walked up to him, hugging him from the side, your big, round belly getting in the way. “But I don’t want to be alone.” You frowned.

“That’s why I asked Heiran to come and take care of you.” He wrapped his arms around your shoulder as he kissed your head.

You pulled away, your frustration couldn't be hidden anymore, “but I don’t want anyone else to take care of me! I want you to be here! What if something happens and you're not here?!”

He shut his eyes as he tried to calm down, not wanting to fight with his pregnant wife, “nothing will happen, baby. It’s only for 5 days. You know I have to go.”

“You don’t have to! You’re literally choosing your business over me! Your wife who's carrying your child! I can’t believe I married a greedy man!”

He furrowed his eyebrows, his face expressed his hurt feelings, “that’s not true, y/n. The meetings were set before you were even pregnant. I already cancelled the ones that I could cancel and shortened the trip by two weeks. I’m sorry to leave you but I promise it’ll be quick.”

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes, trying not to show him that you were about to cry as you left the bedroom.

“Where are you going?”

“To the guest bedroom. I don’t wanna sleep next to you.” You slammed the door.

You woke up to Jay softly caressing his fingertips over your cheekbone, "good morning, angel," he whispered softly to not startle you.

“I’m leaving for the flight,” he was crouched down in front of your bed.

You turned around, giving him the cold shoulder.

“Baby… please, I can’t leave while my wife is angry with me."

Good, then I'll stay angry so he won't leave.

He put his warm hand on your shoulder, "please, princess. You're making me sad."

"And you're making me sad, too." You mumbled, he could barely hear it.

You felt him lie behind you, one arm wrapping gently around your waist while the other slipped under your neck, curling over your shoulder to rest firmly on your upper arm, pulling you closer. His hand on your belly was warm and soft, his thumb tracing small circles on the skin where your top had ridden up.

"I couldn't sleep without my babies." He nuzzled his face into your neck.

"Good." You uttered coldly.

He smiled softly, "my girl woke up feisty today," you felt his lips move against the shell of your ear, "I like that," he murmured seductively. Your pussy throbbed at his deep, hushed voice. You ignored it as you tried to push his arms away. Your efforts were useless as your sleepy and pregnant state made you way weaker than before—not that you had any chance against him before pregnancy.

The hand on your stomach wandered lower, right under your bellybutton where he teased and aroused you by caressing your skin softly. But his touch was way too far away to actually give you any form of pleasure. "Jay..." you whined, your hips wiggling in annoyance.

"Yes, baby?" His voice sent shivers down your spine as he nibbled at your earlobe. His hand which was on your shoulder grabbed one of your tits, squeezing it, slipping your top under it so he could touch and play with it properly. You sighed at the feeling, "feels so good..." You closed your eyes to enjoy the spark pulsing in your blood. Suddenly his other hand slipped under your shorts, brushing lightly over your panties. Your hand grabbed his forearm, "please... Jay..." you sighed, completely wet and aroused. Your pussy throbbed so hard, it was beginning to eat you alive.

"But I thought you were mad at me?" He made a show of pulling his hand out of your shorts. Your nails digged into his arm, "no! I'm not mad," you frowned. Your face turned to him as you pleaded at him, looking all cute and sexy at the same time, "please?". He wanted to devour you right at the spot.

"You know I can't resist my sexy wife," he kissed you harsh, tongue slipping into your mouth as you moaned into the kiss. His hand slipped under your underwear, his fingers gliding over your wet, slick pussy, "Jay~" you moaned. "Put your leg over mine," he rasped into the hot kiss. You tried to do as he told you but struggled due to your big belly. When he noticed, his slick-wet hand slipped out of your panties and helped your leg to adjust over his, leaving a trail of your juices on your skin. "Are you comfortable like this?" You impatiently nodded your head, "touch me, Jay."

“So impatient…” he muttered although he obeyed you immediately. His hand went once again underneath your panties, massaging your pussy softly and faintly. You whimpered, "more..."

"Yeah? My sweet little wife wants more?" You nodded pathetically, "please, Jay. Want you inside me." His middle finger slowly slipped inside you, testing the waters as he circled it inside you to stretch you out. Then his ring finger slipped inside, both of his fingers curling right into you as they found the spongy spot. "Jay!" You moaned, "it feels so good!" He continued to pump his fingers in and out, pushing and circling them inside you as the wet, splashing sounds of your pussy filled the room. "Oh my god... I'm gonna cum." You sighed, sensitive from pregnancy. You were in heaven. His fingers made you forget why you were even mad at him. "W-wait." You pushed at Jay's arm slightly. He immediately halted his actions, eyes widened in panic, "what? Did I hurt you? Do you want to stop?"

"No... it's just I know I will be too exhausted for a second round. Wan' your cum inside of me," you panted, your walls continued to pulse around his fingers on their own.

"It's okey baby. I don't have to cum," he kissed your shoulder, "I will be fine, just want to pleasure my wife."

"No," you whined, "I want you. Please. Wanna be close to you before you leave." You could hear him debate internally. You bit your lips, your arousal dazed your mind, "honey. The doctor said it's fine. Now, put your dick inside me before I crash out."

"Okey, okey," he carefully pulled his fingers out of you and slipped you out of your panties and shorts in one go. He unwrapped his arm around you in order to take off his slacks and boxers. You had turned around slightly, your eyebrows furrowed at the observation you made, "when are you leaving? You're already dressed." You couldn't stop your pout as you watched him take off his dress-shirt, too. "I'm leaving in an hour," he pecked your pouty lips as he hovered over you, arms supporting himself on either sides of your head. His hard dick pressing onto the side of your ass as you were still laying sideways, "come on, baby, don't be mad anymore, hm?"

Your pout deepened, eyes glistening with tears, "I'll miss you."

His heart melted, "I'll miss you, too." He kissed you passionatly as his hand reached for your leg to lift it up. He was settled between your legs, one leg rested comfortably on the mattress, angled to make room for him, as he lifted the other into the air, holding it tightly so it wouldn't slip. "Relax, baby, I'm holding you." He whispered against your lips. You trusted him instantly and relaxed your muscles. He grabbed his hard, throbbing dick into his hand, pumping it a few times, and guided the tip into your entrance. Instinctively, you tried to turn on your back in order to spread your legs further, but he put the hand that was holding his dick on your shoulder to stop you from moving. "Don't get on your back, baby."

"Oh right," you remembered you weren't allowed to lay on your back because of the baby. He kissed your cheek, waiting for you to adjust on your side, "comfy?" he asked as he pushed your hair out of your face. You nodded as you reached for Jay's hand that was settled infront of your face on the pillow.

He slowly pushed into you. You sighed. His thick firm cock filled you up so good. You felt so content having him inside you.

“Fuck, why are you still so tight baby,” he grunted as he tried not to push his whole length in. “Put a whole baby inside you and your cunt is still swallowing me in.” His hand let go of your leg, only to curl it in his arm, adjusting it properly as he started to roll his hip into you. You eyes fluttered, “oh my god, Jay…”

“Yeah? Feels good baby?”

“Hmm,” you whimpered. “Deeper,” you pleaded.

His cock went deeper in you, hitting your sweet spot repeatedly, “ah!” You moaned at the pleasure. “Fuck,” he rasped as you clenched around you. Your arm reached for Jay, he understood immediately as he leaned down, his abs slightly grazed your swollen belly as he nestled his face into your neck. “Fuck baby, stop clenching around me.” He groaned as he tried to hold himself back to pound into you aggressively. You whimpered in response, “it feels so good, can’t help it.”

With only a few more thrusts your walls tightened around him hard as you reached your high. “Jay!” You screamed, shaking, ecstasy rushing through your blood.

He cursed under his breath, “fuck-“ as he continued to thrust into you. You whimpered as you pushed at his shoulder, “too much- Jay-” you choked.

He lifted his head to press a hot kiss on your lips, trying to distract you, “you got this baby. Just a little more. You’re a good girl, hm? Can take it. Be my good little wife and take it.” His breath cut short as he tried to resist the urge to go crazy with you. He lost his rhythm as he got closer. “Fuck-“ he groaned into your neck as he finally came inside you, “fuck, baby. You feel so good.” He kissed your skin, biting it lightly as his body shook from his high, “I love you so much.” He kissed you as he pulled his cock out of you, careful not to hurt you. You scrunched your face at the feeling, your hand tightening its grip on his hand.

You smiled at him lazily, sleep taking over your body, “love you too, jjongie.”

“Not mad anymore?” He smiled at you sheepishly. You shook your head, lips touching close to his, “but I will still miss you, jjongie.” Nuzzling his nose against yours, he whispered with a melted heart: “will miss you too, baby.” He laid beside you to cuddle with you, pulling your head to his chest and caressing it lovingly. His other hand went to your stomach which was snuggled close to his own stomach, patting it in a soft rhythm.

After a while, when he got up to clean you and take a—yet again—quick shower, he halted in his motion. There you laid in the bed, looking so soft and warm like an angel. Your swollen belly gave you a delicate look. He felt as if he was falling in love with you all over again. The sight of you being pregnant with his child, exhausted in the after glow of making love together caused warmth to blossom in his chest—making him all tender and fuzzy. He was the luckiest man on earth.

“I will be back very soon, okey?” He whispered quietly, not wanting to disturb your half asleep state. You hummed tiredly. He pressed a tender kiss, both on your forehead and baby bump as he left the room, gently shutting the door.

Gosh, he already couldn’t wait to be reunited with his wife and his baby.

Regret flooded Jay’s body. With a violent bump he smashed his head against the airplane window.

Sunghoon looked at him concerned. Unsure what to say.

Jay knocked his head repeatedly. Fuck.

If I had never left them this would have never had happened.

—————————————————————————

Yeah I lied here no happy ending. Maybe in Part 2? Comment and share your thoughts and feelings ❣️

Wanna read my other stuff? Here’s my masterlist

Comments, thoughts, feedback, requests, reblogs are more than welcome 🙏🏼 I need it to be motivated to write more. so please, if you wanna read more tell me what you felt/thought about this fic (and of course my other fics if you read them)

[supercutszns]

sweet on you | jason grace

wc + pairing: 1k, jason grace x f!reader

notes: short-ish jason blurb while i chalk up some of my beefier fics (& my 1k celebration thank u again)<3 this is my first time publishing for him so hopefully this isn't too ooc! i need to let myself write shorter stream of consciousness things,, all fluff, just jason taking your makeup off after a party <33 also its set at chb because i said so

Whenever Jason washes off your makeup, he acts like it's his sworn duty.

You’re a little hazy as he wets a cloth in the sink, repositioning himself between your legs that hang limply off the bathroom counter. You keep scanning his face for any trace of weariness or urgency. After a long day of camp duties, the last thing you think he’d want was to clean up his drunken girlfriend after a secret party. But he’s as kind and patient as ever, and you don’t know if it’s your heart or the alcohol talking, but you are deliriously in love with him right now. He’s a leader—a brave, powerful demigod—but he’s only that good because he’s gentle. That's what you see, anyway. Everyone loves him for a reason, but you're still sure you love him most.

You got drunk. You got anxious. But it’s more than worth it if Jason takes care of you after. Even under these fluorescent bathroom lights, he’s beautiful.

“Why thank you,” he says, a bemused smile on his face.

You blink. “Did I say that out loud?”

“Sure did.”

The scar on the corner of his lip lifts as he kisses your cheek. You hum pleasantly, and you feel the ghost of his laugh before he pulls away. “Close your eyes for me?”

You oblige. In seconds, you’re greeted with the warm press of a towel on your face. Jason keeps you in place with his hand cupping your chin. “Let me know if I poke your eyes, okay?”

“If you do I’ll just bite your finger.”

“Awesome.” He works on sweeping the cloth over your skin to drag off all that makeup. You wait patiently, happily, indulging in the occasional idle chatter and the steady brush of Jason’s thumb underneath your chin. Every pass of his fingers against your face lulls you further into your haze. He’s warm, methodical, sweet. He switches the cloth to a different side and drags up your cheekbones. Your brain is mush with alcohol and appreciation.

“‘M sorry I got carried away, Jace,” you mumble, head swaying involuntarily. “Didn’t need to come get me like this.”

His soft laugh swims in your ears, and he lowers himself a bit to see you better. “Trust me, I wasn’t doing much. The only notable thing this evening was crossing the hundred-page threshold in my book.”

“Is it good?” You slur, toying with his dog-tag necklace you’d gotten him for his birthday.

He tilts his head, “Eh. Alright. I still like taking care of you more, though.”

You must be beaming stupidly wide, because Jason shakes his head with a smile, and he wraps his arms around you to kiss your jaw. “Besides, you’re sweet on me when you’re drunk.”

The feel of his lips would have shut you up in any normal circumstance, but your idiotic thoughts only heighten. “Sweet on you?”

“Mmhm.”

“That’s a thing?”

“Yes! They … people say it.”

His cheeks flush red in that insanely adorable way, and he presses his face back into your neck. “They said it in my book,” he mumbles, and you laugh so hard he has to shush you.

He goes through the rest of your rather particular skincare routine as per your instructions. He’s seen you do it a thousand times, but you repeat the order anyways just to be sure—although it’s likely you’re jumbling up your words and taking too many pauses for any of it to come out coherent. He takes his time, focused intently on the planes and ridges of your skin. If you were any more sober you’d probably be self-conscious, but sometimes his thumb runs across your cheek with a tenderness that has nothing to do with your serums.

Once all’s said and done, your skin refreshed, you’re practically snoozing on the counter. “Sweetheart,” Jason hums, winding arms around you once more, “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Only if it’s with you,” you yawn, cheek smushing into his chest.

“Well, that’s a given.”

He’s smiling again as he runs his hands down to your thighs, so you can loop your legs around his hips. “Hold on, okay?”

You oblige, relishing in the curl of his biceps against your sides as he hoists you off the counter. Usually you’d be hesitant to let him carry you around with you clinging to him like this, but your capacity for embarrassment had vanished about two drinks ago. You hear him chuckling into your hair as the breeze tickles your face, although it's far less severe in his arms.

Camp’s practically deserted this time of night so Jason has no problem getting you into his cabin. He puts you down on his lonely bed in a sea of marble, lit with nothing but the warmth of his reading lamp. “Thank you, baby,” you murmur as he helps you out of your clothes and gives you a shirt of his own. The way he smells reminds you of morning mist as he ties your hair back.

Soon you’re in your favourite place in the world: drowned in blankets on a cool summer night in Jason’s bed. You’re nestled snug against his chest, letting the fog in your mind settle as he traces shapes on your back beneath your shirt. Transfixed by the ebb and flow of his breath, you can’t help but press your lips to his collarbone, lazy chapstick kisses spooling onto his skin.

“Y’re right,” you mumble, “I am sweet on you.”

Jason laughs quietly, setting down his book. He taps on your chin to draw you out of his chest, leading you to his mouth. You’re giggling and falling into him before you even kiss. He tastes like sweet mint as he cages you against him with his arms, nothing but gentle. “Love you,” you whisper with a plucky smile.

He kisses your forehead, “I love you.” He disposes of his glasses and turns off his lamp, sinking the both of you down onto the mattress. “Get some sleep, angel.”

You must be a lot better at following instructions than you thought, because you smother yourself in his warmth and you’re sure you’ve never slept better.