#but it fucks me up how in a pretty great part vanessas life got so fucked up later because of the way this world treats young women

[themyscirah]

Thinking about how Wonder Woman in the Pérez run/early 87 series really needed a secret identity. (Stick with me here!) Now, this isn't something that as a reader i would want (I've never had much interest in "Diana Prince") or that would be helpful for Diana's mission, and I actively think a true secret id would be something Diana would dislike immensely and hate to use and maintain. But I honestly think having one, at least at a limited level, would have saved Diana and her loved ones SO much pain down the road. Because while they loved Diana, her presence in their live brought so many villains back to their home which in turn hurt the people she cared about

Like I just think about all the horrible things that the Kapetelises (especially Vanessa, she was used as such a punching bag) went through just by virtue of loving Diana... Its truly awful the unintended consequences that came with loving her and taking her into their home, just because everyone knew she was Wonder Woman. Like this was very public knowledge, they were on the news all the time and newspaper and magazine covers and everything together

Which while cool still was damaging! I mean Nessie was in MIDDLE SCHOOL of all places and everyone knew she was hosting Diana. It was shown that whether or not most people at school wanted to be around her directly and saw her as interesting or desirable depended directly on Diana and if she was in town with them! And that's really just the tip of the iceberg there with Vanessa but she was put under so much pressure and given such awful conceptions of herself through her peers knowing she was close with Diana.

It's just such a mess. And like I don't think a secret identity would be something that she would ever think of having realistically at this point, especially because she's so new, and there isn't a strong and visible need for one, (and her public identity as ww was already attached to her loved ones) but I do think that many things may have turned out better for the Kapetelises later if they were publically joined by Diana Deneiros, Julia's niece from Greece, as opposed to Wonder Woman

[blogevaawrites]

BIG DEAL

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: smut, cheating, angst

Summary: After being away of you boyfriend for three weeks, you come to Chris’s  house after he had thrown a party where you met a girl you haven’t see ever. The beginning of the relationship was unconventional so you couldn’t do anything else but suspect.

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

There’s something I do when I don’t know how to deal with a situation.

I clean my closet.

I organize it; I try everything on, throw out pieces I don’t wear anymore, or I don’t like. I like to spend time doing this just because I don’t have to think in anything else.

“He’s calling again, you’re not picking up, are you?” Linda asked from the other side of the room. I was surrounded by my clothes and shoes and things, and she was working in her laptop.

“No.” I answered simply and kept doing my thing.

“Isn’t better if you pick up and tell him to stop? This is his tenth call today, and I don’t want to know about texts. This is not right.”

“I’m not ready to think about this.” I muttered. I didn’t realize she got up from the bed and walked to me.

“It’s fine, everything is going to be fine” she said hugging me. Her touch brought tears out of my eyes, but her kindness made me feel safe.

Linda moved to NY a few months before I did, and I could be more blessed because she moved to the next door’s apartment. She has been there since then; our friendship was the kind of you find just a couple times in a lifetime.

“Don’t worry I will be right here. We can clean your closet as many times as you need.”

It’s been three days since I left his house, and my phone has been ringing since then.

I spent my first day watching true-crime documentaries, eating ice cream and drinking wine. The second day I started donating the clothes I wasn’t wearing anymore. And today, I have cleaned the closet three times. Linda enjoyed the first two days, but she hated to organize anything, so she killed time working from my bed.

“That one is pretty sexy. Why don’t we go out to dinner and have a few drinks tonight? Lucy and Vanessa have been calling too.” She spoke.

I thought about it for a few minutes, and I was actually feeling sick of being here.

“Yeah! Why not? I need more alcohol” I joked.

 The night went pretty fun, and I kind of felt better and ready to face everything, his apologies, his face and his voice. Around three a.m I was ready to go back home and sleep my hangover. “Are you sure you don’t need me there? Linda asked when I told her I was leaving, she was having a good time and I didn’t want to spoil her fun. “Yeah! Don’t worry, I’m sick of being depressed, I’m ready to be me again.” She smiled at me and hugged me before I left.

The uber ride was fast, no traffic nor people in the street this made my way home calm, and the driver was quite funny. He waited for me to get in the building and left, leaving alone again. The lobby’s lights were automatic, but they weren’t working very well, I knew the way to my door, so I didn’t bother turning my phone’s flashlight on. Going up stairs, I tried to take off my high heels, but something made me get alarmed. A dark big shadow at the top of the stairs. My heart stopped for a second.

“Holy crap! What are you doing here? Why are you sitting there? You scared the shit out of me, asshole!” I yelled when the light of the hallway turned on and all of the sudden the silhouette of a big man appeared at the top the stairs. My heart started to beat in this normal pace when I recognized his face.  

“I’m sorry that wasn’t my intention. You weren’t picking the phone. I was worry about you.” His hands went up in a signal of inoffensive. His voice was hoarse and his eyes a little bit swollen and red. I could say he had been crying.

“I’m fine, you can go.” I said, walking straightly to my apartment’s door. I looked for my keys in my bag as faster as I could.  

“Can we talk?” he moved to stay behind me while I opened the door. He didn’t get too close to me and I felt grateful for that.

“I don’t want to hear anything, and right now the only thing I want is to sleep.” I got in the apartment and closed the door rapidly. With my forehead rested against the closed door and my hands still on the handle, I listened to him to beg. I missed him, his voice, his smell, his fucking presence made me shake my legs.

“Please, just give me five minutes. I love you and I can’t let you think I don’t. I know I fucked everything up but…” I opened the door before he could finish it. He looked quite surprised when a move away to let him pass.

He didn’t say anything, walked in and moved around awkwardly. I told him to sit with my head. He took a sit on the couch and I didn’t move from the door, with my back resting it in. His eyes stared me few a few minutes, making me feel uncomfortable, defenseless.

“You look beautiful.” He said quietly.

“You have five minutes.” The alcohol in my body brought rudeness out of my mouth. I was tired, kind of drunk and still hurt by him so couldn’t let him get any closer in any dimension.

“I’m sorry.” He said before his hands rubbed his face roughly. “I went to NY to tell you everything. I really did, I felt horrible, and I didn’t want to hurt you, but I knew I had to tell you. Carly thought it too. You know them, there’s no place for any secrete between them. When I arrived in here, saw your face and I felt your arms around me I chickened out. I realize that I couldn’t live without you; for the first time in my life, I was really scared to lose somebody. And that was a feeling I wasn’t used to.” His statements made my heart ache. I wished anything of this had happened.

“So, you lied? Because you loved me.” I knew he wasn’t a perfect boyfriend in the past but that was a shitty excuse.

“I didn’t know how to tell you. When Carly called that night, she heard you in the back then she assumed that you forgave me, and I didn’t deny it. I felt awful but I got into that lie so quickly, I didn’t know what to do.��� I sat on ankles, sliding down the wall. I hid my face with my hands trying to avoid him to see me cry.

“I wasn’t joking, honey. You are the love of my life and I didn’t want to lose you. That scare got so real that I couldn’t face it. I’m sorry, I really am. With you everything is different, and I didn’t realize it until that. The fear of losing you got in my skin and it never left.” I didn’t feel him to come closer to me until I felt his hands in mine. As soon as I felt it, I got up and moved away from him. I knew I could fall for him quickly.

“If you have done, you should leave.” I could say walking to the fridge to pour water in glass. My throat was dry.

He looked at me for a while, then took a deep and loud breath and moved to the door.

I saw him walk to the door, to leave the apartment, to leave me. I did understand the scare of losing someone, I had lost a few people in my life, but seeing him leaving it was different, I was losing him, and everything was his fault. That didn’t feel fair.

 “Why you did this to me?” The words left my mouth before I could think about it. He turned around to look at me, but I hadn’t finished “Why didn’t you break up with me if you wanted to fuck somebody else? Why were you seeing Ashley? Why did you play along with her game after the kiss?” my voice got louder at every question. I wasn’t a person who yelled easily but I couldn’t help it.

“Baby, I’m a dickhead, I screw up every relationship I’ve ever had. I don’t know why. I promised I went out with her with any side intention, when she kissed me, I felt that fear again. And at the party, I swear I didn’t invite her, I wanted to keep her away from you, I wanted to keep everything what I did away from us.”

“Yeah! That’s why you took her panties.” I said ironically. “What did you want me to do? Kicked her out of the house, making a scene?” He saw my face burning in anger and he continued. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I hate myself enough for both of us.” Said that he took his way again. I didn’t hate him. I loved him. I was needed for him.

I moved quickly to get him; I could reach him by the arm.

As soon as he turned around to look at me, I jumped on his mouth. He didn’t take any longer to embrace his arms around me, pushing my face more against his, as if that was even possible.

We walked clumsily to the nearest wall; he squeezed my butt before holding me up. His hands flew through my tights, caressing them and reached my wet panties. I moaned when I felt his fingers rubbing me. “I need you.” He whispered in my ear. His fingers went to undo his pants and I could get out of his arms.

I saw panic in his face for a couple of seconds. But it disappeared when he saw me got into my knees. I took his hard member in my hands to stroke it a few times before get it into my mouth. He rested his forehead in the wall, and shut his eyes, leaving me caged by his body.

His breathing changed when he opened his eyes and watched my mouth around the head of his sensitive cock. Clenched jaw and hands making fist, he moaned loudly as he was being relieved of great amount of pressure.

My lips wrapped around his cock, taking as much as my throat could, and my hand gripped the rest. I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t want to think. I was tired and sick of the anxiety that this situation was giving me.

I knew this wasn’t a good idea. I wasn’t proud but I wanted it.

“I love your fucking mouth.” his voice brought my back from my thoughts. I started to suck a little bit harder as he was getting bigger. His hips also started to thrust him into my mouth, making me gag at one particularly push. “Shit! Sorry!” he said, taking my face in his hands and making me get up from my knees. “I don’t want to cum in your mouth.” he responded to my unanswered question. We kissed as his hands tried to get rid of my dress, and mine were fighting with his shirt.

Just in my panties, he pickup me up and put me on the hall’s table. Sucking my nipples and rubbing my breast and ass, he ripped my panties and his dick stormed in me.

I yelled in surprise; I was actually more than ready to take him.

“I loved that ones.” I murmured pretending to be sadly for my lingerie.

“I will make it worth.” He said with smile on his face before taking my calves over his shoulders. His thrusts were deep, rough, and needed, I tired to hold on to the table, but his movements got fiercely, and I could feel my orgasm coming.

The table wasn’t meant to this kind of activities. We realized it very late.

“Holy crap!” he said when he saw the table fall, holding me better in his arms. Everything I could do was laugh. He intended to let me go but crossed my arms behind his neck.

“No! Take me to bed!” I whispered in his ear. He smiled before kissing me.

He laid down on the bed with me over him. “Ride me, baby.” he said holding me from my hips.

I started to move up and down on his cock, rolling my hips. I saw he shut his eyes, a signal he was close, so I started to ride hard on him. His fingers were marking my hips as he pushed me up and down savagely. I groaned at the almost painful pleasure.

I felt his body getting tense as he filled me up with his cum.

“God! I love you!” he yelled.

Something woke up inside me, suddenly I felt dirty and ashamed. I hid my breast with my arms as I stood up from bed. His cum dripping on my inner thigh, made me just feel worst.

He didn’t realize, he was still dazed. He took my arm when he realized that I wasn’t coming back to bed. “Come back, I’m still hard.” He muttered with his eyes closed. I let him to guide my body, he made me lay down next to him and cuddle.

“These couple days have been awful; I’ve never felt that bad.” His lips were right next to neck and made me get goosebumps.” I was so scared of not seeing you again.” He said pecking my neck. He turned my hips a little, just enough to let himself into me one more time. I was feeling guilty, I was using him. I wasn’t forgiving him, but he thought I was.

I didn’t want a confrontation; I couldn’t handle one.

His hand held my face to keep kissing my mouth, and his other one at my hip, holding me steady. “Your so good for me.” he said between kisses. His hand went from my hip to my clit. He worked himself in deeper and rubbed me just in the right way.    

My body was so tensed and my brain so away from the reality that I didn’t noticed he fell sleep.

I wanted to have sex with him, I enjoyed. I shouldn’t feel bad for him, he cheated on me and lied, but I wasn’t like that.

I woke up with his snoring in my ear. I got out of his embrace needy for water, the hangover was taking my body. I saw my clothes and his’s all over the floor and the broken table. I didn’t get to do the walk of shame, it was my apartment, I was living in the shame.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” His voice resounded throughout the entire place.

“Okay! You are really thirsty” he said when I drank the water quickly. I didn’t answer, I didn’t look at him. The situation was awkward, and he noticed it.

“What’s going on?” he asked from behind. I ignored him again. “Hey! Are you okay?” he shouted and turned me over to face me.

“Yes, I’m just still drunk.” I said softly. I tired my best to look unbothered.

“Can we talk?” he asked.    

“Not right now. I have things to do.” I started to pick everything up. “I think you should leave; I really have things to do.” I avoided his eyes. I get repetitive when I feel nervous. He knew it.

“Well, I think you’re acting like a child. What happened last night?” his voice wasn’t loud, but it was hard.

I just could shrug, I felt ashamed, and he was mad.

“Talk to me! Damn! Don’t shut up. You always do that. I fucked everything up, I know. But you kissed me last night, you started everything so, right now please talk! Tell me what is happening!” now he was yelling, he looked mad and kind of sad, the guilt just spread across my body.

“What you want me to say, Chris? I wasn’t thinking properly.” I said, looking how he was getting dress himself.

“So, wasn’t mean a shit for you?” I felt like our roles were reversed. Now he was angry, and I was the one giving the explanations.

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” I could say.

“Yes, you do, and to be honest, I understand. I deserved it, but I don’t…” he was wrong, I knew I hurt him but that wasn’t my intention, I loved him, and he knew it.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not like you.” My voice wasn’t soft anymore. We were in the same level, he wanted me to feel guilty, so I was doing the same. I continued “Sorry, but I’m not going to apologize, I didn’t want to hurt you. I felt bad and I wanted to have sex with you, you could have said no, and you didn’t do it. But I didn’t say anything to make you think that I forgave you.” His eyes goy darker with my words. he stared me for a few seconds.

“I couldn’t have said no, you could have given me a glass full of worms and I would have taken it.” I felt he was playing the victim; I could stand it.

“I give you a relationship and you pissed on it.” I said crudely.

The room got in a deep silence and filled with tension and resentment.

“You were right, we shouldn’t talk right now.” He spoke after a couple minutes, he took his jacket and got ready to leave. The scare of losing him went back to my head, but I knew it was the best and this time I stood up to it.

“I don’t want to see you again.” I said when he got closer the door. He looked at me incredulous, but he didn’t interrupt.

“I’m still mad and hurt, so I’m not forgiving you soon. But that doesn’t matter because we can’t be together, I don’t trust you and my insecurity in our relationship will freak you out at some point and it will be worst, for both of us.” I didn’t want to cry but I failed, at least he was weepy too.

I thought he was going to response, but he didn’t, he left my apartment without hesitation, slamming the door.

Tag list: @breezykpop  @calwitch @firoozehmoon 

[makerofmadness]

aight part 2 of fnaf incorrect quotes

The Puppet: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Freddy: >:O language Chica: Yeah watch your fucking language Golden Freddy: OKAY WHO TAUGHT CHICA THE FUCK WORD? Foxy: 'The fuck word'. Bonnie: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Chica: Oh my god he censored it Foxy: Say fuck, Bonnie. Chica: Do it, Bonnie. Say fuck.

-

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* Monty: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Glamrock Freddy: ...I did. I broke it. Monty: No. No you didn't. Sun? Sun: Don't look at me. Look at Roxy. Roxy: What?! I didn't break it. Sun: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Roxy: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Sun: Suspicious. Roxy: No, it's not! Vanessa: If it matters, probably not, but Chica was the last one to use it. Glamrock Chica: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! Vanessa: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Glamrock Chica: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Vanessa! Glamrock Freddy: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Monty.  Monty: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Vanessa: Monty... Gregory’s been awfully quiet. Gregory: rEALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* Monty, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. Monty: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Monty: Monty: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

-

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’* Funtime Foxy: Thanks fam! Circus Baby: oh no Funtime Freddy: *cries* I love you too Ballora: Sounds fake but okay Bon-Bon: *A flustered mess* Michael Afton: can i get a refund

-

Michael Afton, walking into his house: Hello, people who do not live here. Funtime Freddy: Hey. Bon-Bon: Hi. Ballora: Hello. Funtime Foxy: Hey! Michael Afton: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Circus Baby: We were out of Doritos.

-

Fredbear: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world! Freddy: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment. Bonnie: More or less, I guess... Chica: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that! Golden Freddy: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept. Foxy: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

-

William Afton: I can explain. Henry Emily: Can you? William Afton: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

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Henry Emily, going over William Afton’s resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative. William Afton: Yes Henry Emily: Okay... may I know what you create? William Afton: Problems.

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The Puppet: How did none of you hear what I just said? Toy Freddy: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Toy Bonnie: I got distracted about halfway through. Toy Chica: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

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Toy Freddy: I think we're missing something. Toy Bonnie: Teamwork? Toy Chica: Cohesion? Mangle: A general sense of what we’re doing?

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Toy Chica: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life The Puppet: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Toy Chica: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Mangle: edible

-

Glamrock Chica: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness. Toy Chica: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you. Chica: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

-

Balloon Boy: Foxy, I'm sad. Foxy: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Freddy: Puppet, I'm sad. The Puppet, nodding: mood.

-

Mangle: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Toy Freddy: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Toy Chica: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Toy Bonnie: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Mangle: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

-

Freddy: Are we really going to let Foxy keep BB? Bonnie: We kept Chica.

-

Gregory: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things. *Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder* Roxy: *Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

-

William Afton: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve. Henry Emily: I think you mean cards. William Afton, pulling knives out of his sleeves: No, I do not.

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Bonnie: Looking left cause you don’t treat me right Chica: Looking right because you left The Puppet: Looking up cause you let me down Golden Freddy: Looking down cause you fucked up Freddy: What is wrong with you guys

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Glamrock Freddy: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Gregory: Several traffic violations. Monty: Three counts of resisting arrest. Glamrock Chica: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Roxy: Also, that’s not our car.

-

Balloon Boy: What does 'take out' mean? Toy Freddy: Food. Toy Bonnie: Dating Mangle: Murder Toy Chica: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

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Crying Child: Nothing in life is free. Jeremy Fitzgerald: Love is free! Fritz Smith: Adventure is free. Michael Afton: Knowledge is free. Gregory: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

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Funtime Freddy: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Circus Baby: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Funtime Foxy: I recorded the dumb stuff. Bon-Bon: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Ballora: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

-

Freddy, trying to convince Golden Freddy to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong! Bonnie: And loud! Chica: And grumpy! Foxy: And oblivious to reality! Golden Freddy:

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Toy Freddy: Everyone, synchronize your watches. Toy Bonnie: I don’t know how to do that. Toy Chica: I don’t wear a watch. Mangle: Time is a construct.

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Toy Chica, setting down a card: Ace of spades Toy Bonnie, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Toy Freddy, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Jeremy Fitzgerald, trembling: What are we playing

-

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Roxy: Shit. Monty: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Glamrock Chica: OH MY GOD FREDDY FELL OFF!!!

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Gregory: Go to Hell Burntrap/William Afton, tearing up: I wish I could

-

Toy Chica: *Kicks the door down looking panicked* The Puppet: What did you do? Toy Chica: Nobody died. The Puppet: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

(Bite of ‘87, 1987 colorized)

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Mr. Hippo: Here's some advice William Afton: I didn't ask for any Mr. Hippo: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

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Bonnie: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much? Freddy: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is! Bonnie: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!! Freddy: You take that back!!! Bonnie: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.

-

Gregory: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you. Glamrock Freddy: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Gregory: Absolutely not.

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Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. Monty: I choose to waive that right! Monty: *screaming*

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The Puppet: All of your existences are confusing. The other five: How so? The Puppet: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

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Vanny: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail. William Afton: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.

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Toy Bonnie: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Chica’s birthday invitations. Toy Freddy: Well, what are they supposed to say? Toy Bonnie: "Toy Chica’s birthday". Toy Freddy: So, what do they say instead? Toy Bonnie: "Toy Chica’s bi". Toy Freddy: Toy Freddy: Works out either way.

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Gregory: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Burntrap is walking in this room. Glamrock Freddy: *wheeze*

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Glamrock Chica: Made you all playlists! Glamrock Chica: Monty, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul. Glamrock Chica: Roxy, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression. Glamrock Chica: And Freddy has the ABBA Gold album.

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Foxy: Alright, listen up you little shits. Foxy: Not you Balloon Boy. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

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Michael Afton: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

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Balloon Boy: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.

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Music Man: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by a spontaneous musical number.

[trashyswitch]

Two Minds Think Alike

Vanny had just welcomed this stranger, William, into her head: a beige bunny with a shady past. As she tries to understand who they are and what their motives are, she discovers a fun little secret about her new bunny friend.

This fanfic was suggested by @trashylever on Tumblr. This is my first lee!Glitchtrap fanfic! So trashylever, and everyone else, I hope you enjoy!

Vanny was still trying to get used to there being more people in her head than just...herself. He kinda just introduced himself, said ‘I need a home’ and embedded himself into Vanny’s brain without a proper introduction. She didn’t even know who he was. And yet here he is: living in her head. If she’s gonna learn to live with him, she’s gonna have to get to know him.

Vanny closed her eyes and pushed herself deeper into her head. There, she saw the bunny being that had joined her head. Vanny decided to start off like all exchanges do: with names.

“So...Do you...have a name besides Glitchtrap?” Vanny asked. “Or something less mysterious than…’Malhare’?” Vanny asked, using quotations.

The being turned to her with a tired, bored face. “...Afton.” He replied.

Afton? Wait...Why did that name sound strangely familiar?

“Is that...a first name? Or a last name?” Vanny asked.

The bunny groaned and got up. “William. William Afton. Happy?” they spat at her.

Vanny raised her eyebrows. This person’s got quite the attitude. They sound pissed...over a need for a name. “Yes, thank you.” Vanny shot back.

The being looked at her before looking away.

“Are...Are you gonna ask me for a name? Or am I supposed to just give you a name?” Vanny asked.

The guy...William...looked at her from the corner of their eye and looked back down again. “You’re a teenage girl. That’s all I need to know.” the person said.

Vanny sighed and sat down on the ground. “Great...I’m expected to live with THIS-” She pointed to the bunny in front of her, “-For the rest of my life.” Vanny muttered out loud.

The bunny sighed. “Life isn’t fair, sunshine.” They muttered.

Vanny widened her eyes and turned to the bunny with a frown. “Excuse me?!” she walked right up to the bunny and pushed them down with her foot. “Just who do you think you are?!”

The bunny looked up at her with a frown. Then, they scoffed. “Try looking up my name. That’ll give you a pretty good idea.” they spat with a dangerous look in their eyes. Vanny growled and left her mind.

Vanny opened her eyes and hopped onto her phone. She typed the name ‘William Afftin’ into the search bar.

[A-f-t-o-n. AfTON.] the bunny corrected.

Vanny sighed and fixed the name. ‘William Afton’. She clicked the search button and watched as tons of links showed up right away. Tons of links about ‘child killer’, ‘The Man Behind The Slaughter’ and ‘Fazbear Entertainment’ came up. Vanny’s expression turned from annoyed to surprised in a single second. Child killer? Child killer?

She clicked one of the links. This brought up pictures of happy kids, and blurred images of their corpses beside the happy images. They were mostly aged 5 to age 10! Names of previously missing children filled her brain as she read them: Charlie...Cassidy...Fritz...Gabriel...Jeremy… And Susie.

[They were interesting kids. Somewhat ignored by the adults there. No one even noticed they went missing until they got home. Stupid people…] The bunny told her.

Vanny widened her eyes. Holy...How did he-

Vanny scrolled down and looked at the other pictures that came up. There were photos taken of...suits?

[Animatronics. Big robots with endoskeletons and programming designed for anything you want. In this instance, they were disguised as animals and made for kids entertainment. We were the talk of the town at the time! Freddy Fazbear and the Band. Kids loved it.] The bunny explained.

Freddy Fazbear- WAIT A SECOND! “That VR Video Game was based on real life?!” Vanny reacted.

[Yup. That game itself was Fazbear Entertainment’s way of saving their tarnished reputation of child-killing machines. Every entertainment spot the Fazbear company opened, ended up with at least one child or person killed from robot malfunctions.] The bunny explained.

Vanny frowned as she looked at the missing kids. “It wasn’t just robot malfunctions...It was murders too.” Vanny mentioned. “You were the cause of those murders! You killed up to 5 children!” Vanny reacted.

[Yup. Indeed I did.] The bunny replied.

Vanny huffed as she put her phone down and went into her head again. “Why?” She asked. “Did you know them personally? Why would you specifically choose to kill them?” She asked.

“Does it matter?” The bunny asked as they stood up. “I just did.” they replied.

Vanny looked at the bunny. “You’re not a bunny. I wanna see what you really look like.” Vanny told them.

William sighed and closed their eyes. “There’s plenty of images on the World Wide Web to give you a good picture.” they told her.

“I don’t want to use the internet. I wanna see you. The real you.” She told them. “That is, if your former self was programmed into your code.” Vanny mentioned.

William rolled his eyes. “I have no former self anymore. This is it. I’m a glitch shown as a bunny.” William explained.

“You know technology has advanced enough to change your appearance, right?” Vanny mentioned.

William gave her a dirty look. “Well maybe,” William walked closer to Vanny. “Someone didn’t put that into account when programming me into the fucking game!” William spat at her. Then, he leaned his head back a bit. “I’m afraid this is as close as you’re gonna get.” William turned around and walked away.

Vanny let out heavy breaths as she processed the words hidden under his overwhelmingly rude attitude. Despite not actually being responsible for how William’s brain and personality was handled, Vanny still felt hurt by his words. This man, who was once a physical being, is now stuck inside a girl’s head. Even worse: a teenage girl’s head.

Vanny closed her eyes and frowned as she looked at him. “Why…”

William hummed and tilted his head as he looked at pictures hidden in her head.

“Why choose me...of all people?” Vanessa asked.

William smiled a little at that question. He turned around and looked at her with purple, glowing eyes. “Because your curiosities can lead you down a really dark path if you let it.” William told her. “...And maybe I can help you with that.” William offered.

Vanny widened her eyes and stared at the bunny in both horror and awe.

William chuckled at her reaction. “The internet has offered you endless chances to satisfy your curiosities and yet…” William looked at their own hand. “You stop yourself.”

Vanny bit her lip and lifted her head up. “W-Well...that kind of job takes a lot of work to clean and cover up.” Vanny admitted. “And I don’t want the police finding out about my internet searches. They could see me as a suspect.” She added.

William chuckled at the last part. “There are always incognito modes.” William reminded her. “And as a guy who’s been there and done that, I will help you through all the steps. But only if you agree…” William offered.

Vanny’s awe-struck face shrunk down as she backed away. No...No she shouldn’t! She’s worked this hard trying to make a life for herself! She can’t ruin that now!

William hummed and waved their index finger. “Mmm...there’s that doubt. There’s the part of you that’s trying to return back to normal life.” William pointed out. “But that normalcy will not satisfy that instinct inside you. I’ve tried. Eventually, it found a crack and broke right through it. You’ll be better off starting early than spending your life trying to hide it. After all: Therapy always teaches you to let it out rather than shove it inside you.” William explained.

Vanny considered correcting him, but realised that he was still staying true to the facts. So, she let him talk more.

William walked closer to Vanny and gave her a charming, yet sadistic kind of smile. “You and I have something special in common: you and I both wanted to know things only the dark part of the web could provide you.” William said. “I’ve already answered all my curiosities. But you...You’re waiting to get your full answers. The world tells you to stay true to the law...yet your instincts tell you otherwise...” William explained. He started taking steps back.

“Besides: you gotta remember that everyone only has one life. It’s why I’ve been prolonging my life for as long as I have!” William explained. He spun himself around, sprinted up to Vanny and grabbed her shoulders. “Look at me! I’m in my triple digits now! I should be long dead! But I’m not! I’ve cheated death!” William declared with genuine excitement. “And now I have a chance to restart my killing spree...with a new body, and a loyal partner...something I lacked the first time.” William said eagerly.

Vanny smiled at the thought.

“So:” William held out his hand. “Will you be my new partner in crime?” William asked.

Vanny’s smile grew. It was a hard offer to resist. She’s been wanting to do this for so long. And now, she actually has the chance! Finally, after some thought, Vanny nodded and shook his hand. “I’d love to.” Vanny replied.

The two of them spent some time determining their action plans. With just a few google searches, William and Vanny were able to find a new Fazbear Mall that was opening up. And as luck would have it, they were hiring! So, Vanny pulled up her resume. With William’s previous business experience, he helped her sort out her slightly jumbled resume and cover letter. Before they knew it, the resume and the cover letter was sent to the business email. Now, all they had to do was wait.

While they waited, Vanny snuck back into her brain and looked at the bunny with curious eyes. “So...William Afton.” Vanny walked up and poked his shoulder. “What’s your little secret?” She asked.

William looked at her with confusion. “What do you mean ‘secret’?” William clarified.

“My deep secret is that I like really dark things. And I know you do too. But do you have another little secret you’d like to share?” Vanny asked.

William raised their eyebrows and smiled a little. “Like I’d ever share any secrets with you…”

Vanny frowned a bit. “Well, it’s only fair.” She told them. “Plus: we’re living with each other. I gotta know at least a few things about you.” She continued. “And specifically you...not just your history.”

William raised an eyebrow. The bunny had to admit she was stubborn. “Well...Okay.” William took a moment to think. “I was a father of three kids...all who I’ve outlived because… circumstances…” William admitted with a chuckle.

Vanny looked down with wide eyes. “Yyyyup...may or may not have found that within your history search.” Vanny admitted awkwardly.

William let out a laugh. “Wow! Okay.”

Vanny walked up to him. “Did you ever get tattoos when you were younger?” Vanny asked, grabbing his arm and looking at it.

William widened his eyes. “Uuuuuuhhh-” William pulled his arm out of her grip. “No. Even if I did, you’re not gonna see it on me now.” William mentioned.

Vanny looked down at the middle of his bunny tummy and gasped. “Look!” Vanny poked a visible light green little circle. “You have a bunny belly button!” she cooed.

William yelped and doubled over, wrapping both his arms around his belly. “HEY! No touching.” William warned.

Vanny raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Why? You ticklish?” Vanny asked. “Is de bunny wabbit ticklish?” Vanny teased as she tried to poke his belly.

“No!” William yelled back, slapping her hands away. “And stop that! I am a grown man!” William yelled at her.

“Hmmm…” Vanny leaned over and stared at the bunny’s side while poking it a couple times. “Maybe a grown bunny…” She gave the belly a squeeze. William shrieked and slapped her arm away. “But a grown man?! There’s NO way!” Vanny teased, sticking her tongue out.

William growled. “Bite me!” he shouted with visible teeth.

Vanny stared at him with starry eyes. Even though William was trying to scare her into stopping, his bunny image didn’t help him at all. If anything, it just made things worse! Vanny giggled and snorted at his attempts to frighten her. Lastly: Vanny brought her index finger up to William’s nose and…

*Beep!*

William squeaked and held his nose in surprise and...almost fear. He made his eyes go cross-eyed as he tried to look at his nose, which only added to the cuteness. The moment Vanny let out an excited squeal however, William shot her a glare out of the corner of his eye.

“Don’t even THINK about pulling those stupid, childish-” William yelped as his backside was poked.

“OMG! Your back is ticklish too?!” Vanny reacted. William tried to turn around, but was caught by one of Vanny’s arms around his shoulders. With her free hand, Vanny started crawling her fingers slowly up his back. William’s eyes widened almost immediately as his lips formed a wobbly and crooked smile.

“Oooooh! I see it’s not just your spine…” Vanny started scratching the back ribs. “The sides of your back are ticklish too!” Vanny reacted.

William let out a muffled yelp and shook his head. “SSSTAHAP-!” He yelled at her.

“OH! I’m close! I’m cracking your wall down!” Vanny teased excitedly.

Then, Vanny moved one hand up to the rabbit ears. “I wonder…” She started tickling the inner ear just as a small test. The moment William moved his rabbit ear away and wheezed, Vanny IMMEDIATELY covered his ears with tickles! It was so hard to resist not going for it, when the perfect opportunity had come up!

Now Vanny was tickling his ears menacingly and listening to every laugh, squeak, titter and giggle that left his mouth. It had actually surprised William just how well the programming managed to replicate his laughter as well! Things have REALLY changed since he was younger.

“VAHAHANNYHYHY! THAHAHAT’S EHEHENOHOHOUGH!” William tried to tell her.

“Hell no it’s not! We have tons of time! I still have a response to wait for from the Fazbear company that YOU used to work for. So now I’m just quickly waiting! And while I wait…” Vanny started tickling the base of William’s bunny ears. “-I can see just how ticklish you really are!” Vanny declared.

“NOHOHOHO! UHUHUN- AAHAHAHA-! UHUHUNFAHAHAIR!” William yelled at her.

“Oh I KNOW it’s unfair. But wanna know something else that’s unfair?” Vanny asked rhetorically. “Refusing to tell me a secret of yours after you found out about mine!” Vanny replied to her own question. “Now THAT’S unfair! And just downright rude!” Vanny added.

William shook his head, flapping his ears around as she attacked the vulnerable base of his ears. “NAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHE! COHOME OHOHOHON VAHAHAHAHANNY!”

Vanny smirked. “Whaddaya mean ‘come on’? Are you challenging me?” Vanny asked.

William shrieked and turned himself around to get away. Sadly, this just didn’t work. Vanny quickly wrapped her sneaky arm around William’s back and waist, and used her arm to dip him backwards like they had just flashbacked to the 20’s.

William yelped and giggled quite bashfully at this sudden turn of events, but was immediately thrown back into his frustrated frenzy the moment Vanny tickled all over his belly. “NoHO! VANNY! IHIHIHI’LL KIHIHILL YOHOHOHOU!” William threatened as he fell into another hysterical laughing fit.

“Ooooooh! I see…” Vanny said to herself while she poked and prodded at the green circle that highlighted the bunny’s belly button. “You don’t really have a belly button! Just a little green circle that sticks it out from your tummy.” Vanny explained to herself.

“YEHEHES! YOHOHOU HAHAVE YOHOHOUR AHANSWEHER! NOHOW LEHEHET MEHE GOHOHOHO!” William ordered.

Vanny rolled her eyes with a smile and continued to tickle his belly. “Ever heard of manners? Even dogs develop better manners than you!” Vanny teased.

William growled through his laughter and started to push her away. Vanny sighed and stopped tickling his belly. William went limp in her arms as bits of sweat started to fall down the bunny’s face. Was...was that just an overexaggerated emotion?! Or was William actually able to ‘sweat’? “Ohokahay. Can...can you put me down?...pleeeease?” William asked. His attempts to be polite sounded very childish. But, it somewhat worked.

Vanny smiled and laid William back down. “I-Thank you. Though, you didn’t need to lay me- HAHAHA! HEHEHEHEY- YOUSONOFA- EEEEEHEHEHEHEK!” William accidentally interrupted himself. It turns out that Vanny couldn’t resist sneaking a tickle or two onto his ears again.

“No more statements, Giggly Willy. Just a thank you will work well.” Vanny told him as she stopped fully this time.

William grabbed onto his ears and curled up into a little ball on the floor of Vanny’s mind. It was...Quite hilarious to see a tough, put together man doing such a childish move.

“I...Am content with wo-working with you, but…*huff*...C-Could we keep the tickle attacks to a minimum?” William asked.

Vanny hummed as she thought. She finally sighed. “Fine. Once a month.” she told him. “I’ll tickle you once a month.”

William looked up at her and uncurled himself. “Wanna move that to twice a month?” William asked.

Vanny blinked in surprise. “Bi-weekly?! I thought you wanted to keep the tickling to a minimum.” Vanny reacted.

“For-forget that. I don’t mind them.” William admitted casually.

Vanny did everything in her power to not throw her hands in the air and shower him with tickles. But she knew one thing for sure:

Vanny is never letting William live this down!

[keanureevesisbae]

Mister Cavill, your dog is kinda fat - Chapter 13

Summary: Veterinarian Olivia Tran has zero time for bullshit. After becoming a mom at age twenty three, the one thing she wants is a good life for her daughter Vanessa. Her ex didn’t want anything to do with her nor the baby and she decided that man are officially banned out of her life. But then she meets Henry Cavill at her clinic and her ban slowly starts to crumble apart. Henry on the other hand is looking for one thing: a family. And when he meets Olivia Tran, he finds just that.

Henry Cavill x Olivia Tran (ofc)

Warnings: Some smutty thoughts of Olivia, but that’s about it.

Wordcount: 5k 

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter 

I think I should thank the universe that my daughter is here, because otherwise I would’ve murdered Wesley right now, after throwing my hot chocolate in his face. After seven plus years of not seeing him and resisting the urge of not going online to check what he is up to nowadays, looking at him in real life sure brings back a whole lot of emotions. He is basically the same, only he lost a bit of weight, especially around his face.

I don’t think he looks necessarily good and maybe it’s his conscious eating him alive inside.

Just as he deserves. Motherfucker.

I see him looking at my daughter and Vanessa has no problem staring back at him. She has a frown between her brows and I know she is thinking about all the questions she can ask the man that left her before she was even born. The man that didn’t want her, before he even got to know her.

I stand up from the table and grab his arm, dragging him away from the table. Dragging him away from my family. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’

‘She looks an awful lot like you,’ he notes. ‘What’s her name?’

‘What the fuck is that suppose to mean?’ I ask him. He wants to look over his shoulder again, right at my daughter but my mom reflexes and mom voice are no joke. ‘Wesley, don’t you dare look at her. Look at me.’

He does what I ask him to do. ‘Who is that man?’

It’s beyond me where Wesley has got the nerves to answer my questions with his own questions, but after having Vanessa, I’m able to play along just fine. ‘What are you doing here?’ I ask him. ‘Why do you all of the sudden care about her? You certainly didn’t give a shit when I was pregnant with her.’

‘I’m a changed man, Livi.’

That nickname brings me back to a time where I was so in love with him. A time where I knew I would marry this man, but after spending a few months with Henry, I realized that it was a blessing that he broke up with me. He treated me okay, but never in the way Henry does.

‘It’s Olivia for you,’ I tell him, ‘and you honestly want me to believe that you are a changed man?’ I can’t help but laugh out of pity. ‘Well, you are quite something, Wesley, I have to give you that.’

‘I’m serious,’ he says and he actually looks like he means it. He gestures to his right, my left and when I follow where he is pointing towards, I see a woman sitting, who stares at me with daggers. She places her hand protectively on her pregnant belly and right next to her, I see a young boy sitting, who actually looks pretty cute. ‘That’s Ria,’ he says, ‘and our son Kevin.’

Our son Kevin? I don’t see Wesley for the type of saint that would adopt someone else’s kid (I mean, he is no Henry and no matter what kind of changed man he is, he’ll never reach that level of maturity), so I clear my throat, before I ask: ‘How old is Kevin?’

‘He is six.’

Wesley could’ve stabbed me in my stomach and that wouldn’t have hurt or shocked me, as I am now. ‘He is six?’ I ask him, trying so hard not to raise my voice. ‘You knocked someone up right after you left me?’

Wesley doesn’t say a word.

‘Oh my God,’ I say in utter disbelieve, running my fingers through my hair. ‘You are un-fucking-believable. You left me, let me figure this whole parenting thing out all on my own, while you start a family? Wesley, what the fuck is wrong with you? I can’t believe this. You leave me, my whole family leaves me, because I got pregnant. Have you any idea in what kind of fucking situation you put me through?’

‘I want to get to know her.’

It’s admirable that Wesley has some guts, I have to give him that. ‘No,’ I chuckle. ‘You fucking can’t. You walked out of both of our lives when I gave you the chance to be a dad. You can’t just barge in, because you saw us sitting there. You and your precious new family stay out of our lives and I’ll gladly stay out of yours.’

I want to walk past him, right back to my table, but he grabs my arm. ‘Wait,’ he says and for some weird reason I do wait. ‘Here is my number.’ He hands me a card and I can’t help but stare at this.

‘Since when are you the type of person that has a card?’ I ask, grabbing it out of his hand. ‘Oh look at that. You somehow finished college and you’re a real estate agent now. I’ll be damned.’ I almost want to rip the card apart, but I know that my daughter is looking at me, so I can’t act stupid now.

‘Please, if you change your mind, let me know. I want to make up for the years I wasn’t there for you two.’

I don’t even look at him, I can’t even look at him, so I walk back to my table. ‘We’re leaving,’ I say to Vanessa and Henry. Vanessa wants to look at Wesley, but I block her view. ‘Don’t look at him,’ I tell her and nearly drag her with me outside. Vanessa doesn’t say anything, nor does Henry.

I help her in her carseat and the first five minutes of our drive go by in complete silence. ‘Mommy,’ Vanessa finally says and I admire her for having the balls to open her mouth. ‘Was that my real dad?’

‘He is your biological dad, yes.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘When two people make a baby, you have a bit of both in you. So, Henry and all his brothers have a bit of both Marianne and Colin in them.’

Vanessa mhms. ‘Why were you mad at him?’

‘Because he wants to be part of your life.’

‘Oh.’

It’s quiet for a few seconds, before I finally snap again. ‘That idiot honestly thought that he could just barge right back into my life, after everything he didn’t do for me?’ I ask myself out loud. ‘That bastard had the guts, the guts, to hand me over his card, so I could call him if we change our minds about it. Did you know he has a new lady, who is pregnant and already gave birth to a kid of him? That kid is six. Six! While I’m struggling with my job, with my new baby all by myself, he is out there, impregnating this other woman…’

‘Mommy, what is impregnating?’

‘… having kids with her and being a loyal loving family man. What the hell is wrong with him? Now I finally,  finally have the life that I wanted for both myself and Vanessa and he has the nerves to just walk into my life again? Thinking he can do that? Why are men such big fat pigs? Who has the audacity to look around in a restaurant, see his ex girlfriend with her daughter and obviously her new boyfriend and just walk up to them to ask: ‘Is this her?’. Like he knows Vanessa. Like he was there for her when she was just born!’

I let out a frustrated breath, as I cross my arms and stare out of the window. Henry gently places his hand on my thigh and lean my head back against the head rest of the seat.

‘Mommy, his new kid,’ Vanessa says, ‘does he have a part of that man in him?’

‘Yes, he does, so technically he is your half brother and the child inside the belly of the other woman is your half sister or another half brother.’ I look at Henry and say softly: ‘If that woman didn’t stray of course.’

Henry doesn’t say anything and the rest of the car ride continues in silence. This is crazy, I think to myself. That Wesley left my subconscious a long time ago and now he is all my entire family can think about.

When we’re back inside our house, I keep pacing around the living room, while Henry and Vanessa plop on the couch, carefully watching my moves.

‘Mom, can I meet him?’

I nearly collapse. ‘Excuse me, what?’ I ask, in a lot harsher tone than I usually talk to her, even when I’m angry with her. ‘Why on earth would you want to meet him?’

‘Olivia,’ Henry says, shaking his head, telling me non verbally that I need to tone it down a notch.

‘Because… I want to get to know him.’

I sigh deeply. ‘Sweetheart, he left you, before you were born. I think that is all you need to know about him. Besides, you have a great dad now.’

She nods. ‘I know, but I want to ask him something.’

‘What do you wanna ask him?’

‘Why he left.’

Oh my God, I’m going to cry and never stop. She wants to ask him that question, that is too pure and too sweet and it makes me want to kill Wesley even more. She looks so vulnerable.

‘Oh,’ I say. Who am I to stop her from doing this? Whether I like it or not, that man, that lousy piece of shit, is still her biological father. If she wants to see him, to get to know him, why should I stop her? Simply because I have personal vendetta against him, hate his guts and wouldn’t cry a single moment if he accidentally got under a bus? ‘On one condition,’ I tell her. ‘I am there every single second.’

Vanessa nods. ‘I want Henry there too.’ She looks up at him and says: ‘But only if you want to, of course.’

My daughter is so considerate and I love her for that. God, I did such a good job with raising her by myself. Where is the standing ovation I deserve?

‘I want to,’ Henry says. ‘For you I’d do anything. Maybe you should hug your mom. She looks like she needs it.’

Vanessa jumps off the couch and walks up to me. ‘I love you, mommy,’ she says.

‘Oh, sweetheart, I love you too. I’m sorry I was so hard on you.’

She shakes her head. ‘I get it, you are really angry. You really don’t like what he did, because you never got this mad at me.’

I chuckle. ‘No, that’s true. I’ll send him a text.’

≫≫≪≪

So tomorrow we are going to meet up with Wesley at a cafe. I chose a public place, because otherwise I’m tempted to kill him if we are somewhere more private. After I called Belle and vented for a good half an hour before I let her speak, she told me I was doing the right and mature thing. She also told me that after we met up, we should hang out, so we can talk about this, because it would probably be better for my blood pressure to immediately talk about the meeting.

And all of the sudden I’m in desperate need for some motherly advice, but counting on my own mother is out of the window. So with Vanessa and Henry we go to the Cavill residence and thankfully Charlie is there, so he and Colin can take Vanessa with them, to play some stupid games, walk around the house, while I can have a heart to heart talk with Marianne, Henry close by.

I haven’t spoken to him really since Vanessa asked me to see her biological father. The only thing he did was giving me tight hugs so I would stop pacing, give me a kiss every now and then and simply whisper that I was doing the right thing.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Henry right next to me and Marianne across from me, is weirdly calming. ‘You are doing the right thing,’ Marianne also says. ‘So, your friend Belle and Henry are right.’

I place my elbows on the hard surface, before I bury my face in my hands. ‘It was my grand idea to have some hot chocolate afterwards,’ I mumble. ‘Hadn’t I done that, we wouldn’t have run into him.’

‘Maybe we were suppose to run into him,’ Henry says, placing his arm around my shoulders. ‘Sweetheart, whether you like it or not, he is Vanessa’s real dad. She deserves to get to know him.’

‘But what if she likes him more?’ I ask and I realize that was my fear all along. ‘I tried so hard for her and what if she meets him and thinks: oh, that man, I like him a lot more than I like my mom and the entire family she gave me.’

‘No, no, no,’ Henry says, ‘you know that is not going to happen. Because of your honesty to her all these previous years, she is well aware of what he did to both you and her. It’s always her biggest fear that I’m leaving after she did something that she shouldn’t do. I think she just wants some answers, so she can think about it.’

‘You raised a smart and intelligent girl, Olivia,’ Marianne says. ‘So I have an idea. Tomorrow the three of you go straight to us, you bring your friend Belle along too and we can have a nice long talk, to process this. It’s scary, my dear, I know that, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. You are a whole lot tougher than you think you are.’

I let out a sigh. ‘Yeah, you are right.’

Marianne asks me if I want some more tea and I think I want to. While she walks off to the kitchen, Henry presses a kiss on my temple. ‘How are you, love?’ he asks.

‘When we’re home, I think I’m going to take a long hot shower. You mind?’

‘Of course not,’ he says. ‘Vanessa and I can start on dinner, how about that?’ Henry has a smile on his face when he sees me nod. ‘I am proud of you.’ He leans in and gives me a long kiss. ‘I’m so happy that I can get to call you my girlfriend.’

‘You’re not scared?’

He nods. ‘I am, very much so, but I also have a lot of faith in your daughter.’

‘Our daughter,’ I correct him.

Henry blushes a bit and I pull him into a hug. I bury my face in his neck and let out a content sigh, for the first time in a few hours. ‘I love you,’ he whispers.

‘I love you too, Henry,’ I say. ‘And I trust our daughter too. Just promise me that if I have to go to the clinic, or to the bathroom, you keep an eye on them. Don’t leave him with her for a single second, okay?’

‘I was going to ask you the same thing too,’ he chuckles. ‘We’ll be alright, darling. I guarantee.’

≫≫≪≪

I’m surprised Wesley is early. He was always late when we dated. Maybe he did change, a little bit. Before we walk into the cafe, I stop Vanessa in her tracks and I say: ‘You can ask him anything you want. If there is something he says that you don’t like, you can tell him that. If you want to leave, you can just ask me or Henry and we’ll leave right away. Remember, you don’t owe him anything.’

Vanessa nods. ‘I know, mommy, you told five times already this morning.’

‘Don’t be a smart ass now,’ I say to her.

Henry places his heavy hands on her shoulders and says: ‘You have to cut your mom some slack, she doesn’t mean it like that. She is just still a bit mad.’

Vanessa chuckles. ‘I know. Mommy, it will all be fine. You are here, daddy is here.’

‘I’m sorry, you’re right.’ I give her a big kiss and say: ‘You are a good kid.’

The three of us walk into the cafe and Wesley stands up from his spot. Vanessa walks over to him and holds out her hand. ‘Hello,’ she says, ‘my name is Vanessa.’

Wesley takes her hand in his, while he keeps standing up. I don’t want to compare (but I’m still gonna), but all the insanely tall Cavills crouch down when they talk to her. ‘Hi Vanessa, I’m Wesley.’

‘I know who you are, my mommy told me all about you.’

You go, girl. I’m so proud of her already and I can’t believe that my daughter is handling this situation a whole lot better than I am.

Wesley nods and looks at Henry. ‘Aren’t you the actor?’ he asks. ‘Henry Cavill?’

‘I certainly am,’ Henry says, shaking my ex boyfriends hand.

We all sit down, order something to drink. While I am in the desperate mood for some vodka, I decide to go with a cappuccino, just to be safe. I ordered Henry not to break the silence, because Wesley wanted to meet Vanessa so badly, so he should keep up the conversation.

Vanessa takes a sip of her apple juice and looks at Wesley. ‘Can I ask you a question?’

I think Wesley is grateful that she decided to break the silence, because he nods. ‘Of course.’

‘Why did you leave my mommy?’

‘Because I was scared,’ he says. ‘I thought I wasn’t ready to be a dad yet.’

There is so much I want to say to him. You think I was ready to become a mother? You think I wasn’t scared?

Vanessa sighs and I see her bottom lip tremble. God, this is too much for me to handle and I want to jump up, hoist her up in my arms and while I walk out of this cafe, punch Wesley right in the nose. ‘Why didn’t you want to love me?’

I look at Henry, who places a comforting hand on my leg. It might be uncomfortable now, but I know that this will be good for Vanessa and for me for that matter.

Wesley doesn’t know what to say.

‘Am I that unloveable?’ she continues to ask.

Now I can’t keep my mouth shut, because now she is doubting herself and as a mother I can’t let that happen. ‘No,’ I say to her. ‘You are not unloveable, don’t you ever think like that again.’

Vanessa frowns. ‘But he didn’t love me.’

‘He didn’t even want to love you. He didn’t even try,’ I say, not caring he is there and can totally hear this. ‘Remember sweetheart, he walked out on you and me, not the other way around.’

‘I was scared,’ Wesley tells me.

‘Don’t you think I was?’ I ask him, absolutely dumbfounded. I turn to Vanessa again and ask her: ‘Remember what I always tell you? About fear?’

She nods. ‘That you are allowed to be scared, but that it should never stop you in life.’

‘That’s right. But sweetheart, you were talking to Wesley, I’m sorry I interrupted.’

Vanessa shakes her head. ‘That’s okay, mommy. You can always interrupt me.’

Suck that up, Wesley, I think to myself. My daughter is fucking polite and I did that all by myself.

‘You know,’ Vanessa continues, ‘I always wondered why I didn’t have a dad. Kids in my class have one and I wanted one too.’

‘I understand,’ Wesley says, though he grows more uncomfortable with the second. I bet he underestimated my daughter and her communication skills and now he should deal with the consequences of that easy thinking of his.

‘And then my mommy met Henry,’ she says with a beaming smile. ‘He is a real daddy, you know. He bought me my first bike, my first Christmas tree and he took my out on a Valentines date two days ago.’

Yes, honey, please rub it in.

Wesley takes a sip of his coffee and he actually is trying to leave, I can totally see it in his body language. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Henry asks, picking up on those signs as well. ‘You sit down now. Vanessa is talking to you and you better listen to it.’

This isn’t the moment to think about hot and passionate sex with Henry, but tomorrow I’m off work a little bit earlier than usual and you bet your ass I’m going to spoil him in a whole lot of nasty ways before we have to pick Vanessa up.

‘Please, Vanessa, continue,’ Henry says to her with a loving smile.

Vanessa nods. ‘He is going to adopt me soon,’ she continues, eyes shining bright with excitement. ‘And then we are officially a family.’

‘Right.’

‘My mommy cried a lot because of you. She didn’t know I saw her, but usually at night she would cry on the couch. I heard her talking to my auntie Belle about you and that I don’t have a daddy. That’s your fault.’

Henry and I exchange glances and he seems to be impressed by our daughter.

‘Vanessa,’ Wesley says, ‘I don’t want to have this conversation with you.’

She seems a bit shocked. ‘Why not?’ she asks.

‘Yeah, Wesley, why not?’ I ask him, crossing my arms in front of my chest. ‘Tell her why not.’

‘This is a grown up conversation.’

‘No, it’s not,’ I retort. ‘It’s about her, so she should have a conversation with you and if you are intimidated by a seven year old, then you are really even less of a man than I figured you were.’

Henry clears his throat. ‘You keep your ass on that chair and if you don’t do that, I have no problems at all forcing you onto that seat. You listen to Vanessa and you have a conversation with her. Right here and right now.’

Wesley is getting more and more frustrated right now, but I’m not cutting him slack. No, he wanted this. He ruined my perfect day by forcing himself basically into our lives.

‘So, you have a son and almost a new baby, right?’ Vanessa asks.

‘Mhm.’

‘Do you love them?’

‘I do,’ Wesley says.

She thinks about her next move long and hard. ‘Cool.’ Vanessa simply stares at him and even tilts her head. ‘I don’t like you.’

My mouth falls open and I can’t help but feel so proud of her.

‘Excuse me, what?’ Wesley asks.

‘I don’t like you,’ she repeats, rolling her eyes and I can almost hear her thinking: Are you deaf? ‘You made me sad, because you walked out before I was born. You made my mommy sad and very angry yesterday and I don’t like it when that happens. I am happy that I saw you, because now I know that you… Mommy, can I say this?’

‘Go for it.’

‘Now I know that you really are an idiot.’ She looks at Henry. ‘Right, daddy?’

Henry nods. ‘You’re totally right, sunshine.’

‘You allow this?’ Wesley asks me. ‘You allow this kind of talk?’

‘I didn’t know you had the right to give an opinion about my parenting skills,’ I say to him.

‘I wanted a second chance, but with what you are telling her about me…’

‘Is the truth, buddy,’ Henry says. ‘What did you think would happen? That they waited seven years for you to come back? Of course not. You left them and Olivia made the brave choice of raising her daughter with the upmost honesty and respect, something that you obviously lack.’

‘And you think you can just barge into their lives and be the savior?’ Wesley retorts.

‘Excuse me?’ Henry asks. ‘I’ve been acting more like a dad to Vanessa in one day than you have been your entire life. I think you should be grateful that I swooped in and give her the dad she deserves to have.’

‘Wesley,’ Vanessa says and he looks at her. ‘I hope you love your new kids, because they deserve a dad.’

That’s more maturity than I could ever have. Did I raise this girl?

‘I have to go,’ Wesley says.

‘No, you’re not. I didn’t hear Vanessa was finished,’ Henry says, clearly getting more and more frustrated with Wesley. ‘Sunshine, you finished?’

‘Almost.’

‘Listen to the young lady,’ Henry says, his eyes not leaving Wesley once.

Vanessa clears her throat and says: ‘I don’t want to see you ever again.’

‘Well, make two of that, sweetheart,’ I say.

‘Three,’ Henry mumbles.

‘Now you can go. I finished my apple juice.’

Wesley looks at me, jaw clenched and ready to murder me. Honestly, I don’t even blame him. If I were a coward and in his shoes, I’d kill me too.

‘You know, sweetheart, we’ll go instead,’ I say to her. I get up from the chair and say to Wesley: ‘I bet you wished you didn’t walk up to us now, didn’t you?’

I grab Vanessa’s hand and with Henry we walk outside of the cafe. The second we are outside, I lift her up in my arms. ‘I am so proud of you, baby.’ I press tons of kisses on her faces, causing her to squeal. ‘You are the biggest bad ass I’ve ever met in my entire life!’

Vanessa hugs me tightly. ‘I’m happy he left you, mommy.’

‘That was the biggest blessing ever.’

Henry gives Vanessa a kiss on her cheek and says: ‘I’m so proud of you, sunshine. He is indeed a big idiot.’

The door of the cafe opens. ‘What the fuck was that?’ Wesley fumes.

‘Language,’ I tell him sternly, like it’s going to work. The word ‘fuck’ slipped my lips multiple times and thankfully Vanessa understands she can never repeat that word.

For now, at least. When she is a teenager, I sure hope she starts to use it then.

‘You totally set this kid up,’ he continues. ‘Talking bad about me behind my back.’

‘Well, I would’ve talked bad about you right in your face, but you walked out of my life, remember?’

I feel like Wesley is about to attack me, but Henry steps in between us. ‘I would suggest you leave. Vanessa told you she doesn’t want to see you anymore and I think you should respect that. We have your number and will call you if she changes her mind.’

‘And you,’ he spits, ‘you honestly think you can waltz into their lives?’

‘I do, actually and I did waltz into their lives. Turned out to be amazing. Honestly, Wesley, you don’t know what you’re missing. Vanessa is such a bright and intelligent and well spoken girl and Olivia is fascinating on her own and an amazing mother.’

Wesley doesn’t have any control over himself anymore, because he launches forward, planning on hitting Henry, who doesn’t seem impressed one single second. Henry grabs my lousy ex boyfriend by his collar and pushes him against the wall. ‘What was that?’ he asks unbothered.

God, he is sexy and this is totally doing things to my panties right now.

‘Let go of me.’

‘Only if you promise us you stay out of our lives and we never see you again, unless we had some sort of aneurism and weirdly enough want to see you.’

‘Fuck you.’

‘Language,’ Vanessa and I yell at the same time.

Henry chuckles. ‘It’s very simple. Just say you promise and I’ll let you go.’

Wesley clenches his jaw. ‘I promise.’

‘Easy, wasn’t it?’ I could’ve known that Henry wasn’t going to just let him go. He throws Wesley to the ground and says: ‘You big piece of shit.’

‘Mister Cavill,’ I say with a smile when he walks up to us again. ‘That was quite something.’

He gives me a long kiss and despite the desperation I can feel, he is holding himself in not to slip his tongue inside my mouth. ‘I love you, darling,’ he mumbles against my mouth. ‘And I sure hope that we never see this idiot ever again.’

‘I think you took care of that.’ I look at Wesley, who pushes himself up and walks away, without looking over his shoulder once.

‘You are truly Superman, daddy,’ Vanessa says with a smile. ‘We are really tough, aren’t we?’

‘We are, sunshine.’ He presses a kiss on her cheek. ‘We promised grandma Marianne we would go to her after meeting Wesley. How about we bring something sweet to her place?’

‘Like what?’ Vanessa asks.

‘I was thinking some cake, you agree?’

‘Yes, I agree!’

≫≫≪≪

The Cavill and Tran family groupchat

Piers: I already told you guys, but I am proud that you told that idiot off and please tell me what Vanessa wants. I want to buy her a present for being such a total bad ass.

Charlie: I swear, if I ever run into him, I’m going to throw him accidentally in front of the bus. What a fucking idiot.

Mom: Charlie!

Charlie: What? You said the exact same thing!

Mom: But with you, I never know if you mean it. I don’t want any of my kids in jail, even if I agree with your actions.

Dad: I’ll do it then. I’m old anyways. I have nothing to lose.

Mom: Colin!

Niki: Yeah, you go dad. You go throw that fucking moron in front of the bus.

Henry: I support you, dad.

Olivia: Not to be that kind of person, but I’d rather you spend time with Vanessa than in jail. Please leave the idiot alone.

Mom: Finally some common sense in this group chat. I’m glad we added you, Olivia, because it can be hard being a woman alone with these guys.

Dad: So I can’t throw him in front of the bus?

Olivia: No, I’m sorry. I can tell you this though: resisting the urge to kill him, will get easier over time.

Henry: I hope you are right, love.

Simon: Not to be that guy, but Olivia, can you give me Belle’s number?

[sweetyyhippyy]

Part of You. Spencer Reid x OC! Character. Chapter 7.

(not my gif)

Summary: Bridgett’s life gets turned upside down with the news that her sister is missing. The team travels to her home town to help find her.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x OC! Plus size character, Bridgett Mendez

TW: Mentions of rape throughout this whole chapter (If this makes you uncomfortable, do not read or engage), underage dating (17 year old and 26 year old), mentions of a gun, talk about death, finding a dead body, language. If i missed anything let me know.

Word count: 5.9k

A.N.: This chapter has a very dark and heavy story line, if you don’t feel comfortable reading the chapter with all of the trigger warnings up above, please do not read. This is mid season 6 Spencer (pre Emily’s “death”).

~ ~ ~

“You do!” Spencer laughs, his hand resting on Bridgett’s knee, his thumb slowly going back and forth against her knee cap.

“I do not! You’re the one that snores in my ear when you’re sleeping behind me and spooning me.” Bridgett teases back, shoving his shoulder playfully.

“Just when I’m extra tired.”

“Oh so that would be all the time.” Bridgett laughs, touching his cheek with her fingers. “What do you want to do this weekend? Hoping we don’t have a case interrupting it.” Spencer moves his hand up Bridgett’s thigh, staring at her intensely.

“You.” Spencer says quietly. Bridgett smirks at him, taking his wandering hand and holding it in hers.

“Is that so? Well I think that sounds like a pretty busy weekend.”

“Yeah I think it will be.” Spencer replies, making her heart flutter a little bit, taking her hand and kissing it.

“Bridgett, I need to speak with you. My office.” Hotch says, whizzing past her toward his office.

Bridgett and Spencer look at each other with wide eyes.

“You think he noticed?” Bridgett asks, hopping off Spencer’s desk onto her feet.

“Yes he noticed! I was basically 2 seconds away from making out with you!”

“But why didn’t he call both of us in?”

“You have to separate the suspects in order to get the full story.”

Bridgett glares at him, walking away quickly up to Hotch’s office. When she walks through the doorway she sees Rossi sitting in as well.

“What’s going on? Am I in trouble for doing what I was doing with Spencer?”

Rossi raises an eyebrow, glancing over at Hotch, now wondering what she was doing with Spencer.

“No. Shut the door and sit please.”

Bridgett shuts the door carefully, the walk over to the chair seeming like a mile away.

Hotch sighs, “When was the last time you spoke to your sister?”

Bridgett furrows her eyebrows, her mind instantly swimming, “On Sunday evening. We always call each other then. Why are you asking about her?”

“When was the last time you spoke to your parents?”

“I don’t.”

“When was the last time you had any contact?” Rossi questions, flipping through a folder in his hands.

“My mom called me about,” Bridgett pauses, thinking back in her mind, “A year and a half ago. She left a voicemail about how she was leaving my dad because he got another woman pregnant. But I’ve heard that so many times and I don’t care to speak to her anyway so I didn’t call her back. What’s going on?”

“Celeste is missing. Your parents reported her missing an hour ago. We just got the call about 20 minutes ago.”

Hotch hands her the missing person’s flyer, her sister’s senior picture with all of her information on the side. Bridgett’s heart drops into her stomach, staring at the paper in her hand. She automatically dissociates from the situation, everything in the room going dead quiet, tears welling up in her eyes.

“When?”

“Your parents last saw her Monday morning on her way to school.” Rossi says.

Bridgett comes back to reality, eyes flickering between Hotch and Rossi, her blood boiling. “Wait, wait. She’s been missing for 4 days and they just barely reported her missing? They haven’t seen her in fucking four da-“ Bridgett laughs in disbelief, rubbing the middle of her forehead in circles.

“We’re taking the case on. Your sister isn’t the only young girl missing. 3 other girls, ages 18-20 years old were reported missing within the past month.”

“Were any of them found alive?” Bridgett questions.

“Bridgett, we don’t know if they’re connected.” Hotch says trying to get her to calm down.

“I know I’ve been a cry baby every day of my life since you’ve known me, but I’m a big girl, I can handle the truth. I know you know if they’re connected.”

The two men give each other a look before turning back to look at Bridgett.

“It’s not for certain but we do have reason to believe they’re connected. And no, none of them were found alive. But that doesn’t mean your sister isn’t alive. We want you to do the briefing on the jet. I’m going to tell the team wheels up in 20.”

“Can I have a minute before we go?”

“Of course. We’re going to find her, Bridgett. I promise.” Hotch says, making a point to look into her eyes.

Bridgett gives him a small smile, trying to keep her tears at bay. As soon as both of them leave Bridgett breaks down, tears falling down her cheeks onto the paper still in her hand. She didn’t have to be as smart as Spencer to figure out who Celeste was with. She just hopes that she ran off with him and it wasn’t a violent end.

**** Bridgett sits by herself in the back of the jet while everyone else was up front talking. Spencer tried to ask what was the matter, but Bridgett just told him that she needed to be alone for a few minutes. He knew she was upset, but he couldn’t tell why, and he couldn’t hold her to make her feel better.

Hotch walks up to Bridgett, handing her the case file. She stands up and walks to the rest of the group, her hands shaking and her heart pumping fast as everyone gives her a questioning look as to why she was about to brief everyone and not JJ.

“Umm, so, we have 4 missing women in Erickson, Texas. Ages 17-20. Makayla Weber, Vanessa Davis, Elizabeth Jensen; all of whom have been found dead. Signs of rape before being choked to death and dumped at random… and my si-“ She pauses, sighing shakily, “My sister… Celeste Mendez was reported missing this morning.���

Everyone’s faces are a mix of shocked, horrified, sympathetic.

“My parents barely reported her missing a few hours ago even though she’s been missing since Monday night. And I didn’t tell you this back at the office, I’m sorry, but I know who the unsub is.”

Hotch raises an eyebrow, Rossi still stone faced.

“How do you know?” Derek asks.

“Garcia, can you search the name Joshua Wolfe please? E at the end of Wolfe.”

“Okay give me a sec… no criminal record, a few speeding tickets over the past few years, but nothing serious.”

“Are there any newspaper articles written about him? From high school?”

“Yes, star football player, quarterback, got The Erickson Tigers to state championship 3 years back to back, multiple offers from different schools for full ride scholarships for football.” Penelope says, listing off all of the “great” things written about him.

“Yeah he was all of those things. But he’s also a pervert. He’s dating my sister. He’s her soccer coach and when Celeste came to visit me 4 months ago she told me that they were seeing each other. I flipped, told her how disgusting it was, that it’s illegal, she didn’t care. She was ‘in love’ with him.”

“How long have they been seeing each other romantically?” Emily questions.

“Since early July, so about 7 months or so. She was 16 at the time. She kept saying that because the age of consent is 16 that it wasn’t illegal, but she doesn’t understand because she’s blinded by what she thinks is love but is just him manipulating her into falling in love with him and thinking he loves her back. It’s all part of his game. He makes you feel special, and good, and then he…”

“What? What does he do?”  JJ asks, giving Bridgett a comforting hand squeeze.

“The thing to know about Joshua is that because he was a star athlete, he of course, got all the girls. He was handsome, athletic, popular, but he didn’t take kindly to being turned down from sex… I would know.”

“What do you mean?” Emily asks, her face reading that she already knew where this was going.

Bridgett looks at everyone’s eyes, all of them knew without her even saying the words. And worse of all, Spencer knew too, and she had to admit to her boyfriend in front of all their friends that one of the worst things that could happen to anyone, happened to her.

“My senior year, everyone was at the homecoming game, and I was a part of the student council. We helped set up concession stands, announced the homecoming court, all that. And when everything was all done and we had cleaned up for the night, my parents weren’t answering the home phone, and I had told my friends that I didn’t need a ride home so I was stuck. But Joshua saw me sitting in the parking lot, and asked if I needed a ride home. Of course I took it because it was Joshua Wolfe, all the girls wanted him, he was a charmer, handsome, had it all. So he drives past my house to this look out of the town, everyone goes there on dates to have sex, and I knew what he was trying to do, but I didn’t want it. He kept trying to kiss me, and stick his hands down my pants. So I got out of the car and tried to walk away, but he pulled a gun on me… told me if I didn’t get back in the car he was going to shoot me. So I got back in. Told me to get undressed and go to the backseat or he would shoot me. So I did. And then he forced himself on me. I told him I didn’t want it, but he didn’t care. He… he raped me. Then he pretended like nothing happened, threw my clothes at me and told me to get dressed. He took me back home. I told my mom what happened… and she had the audacity to tell me, that if I really didn’t want to have sex, I would have fought him off harder. That I should have made him get off me. So I called a friend and she took me to the police station. I talked to the sheriff and he said he didn’t believe me. That if what I was saying was true, that reporting it would be damaging for Joshua’s future career opportunities. I didn’t even get sent to the hospital for a kit. He got away with raping me. It got around at school that I reported him raping me, one of the girls I went to school with, her dad was an officer, so she told everyone. And it wasn’t hard for the rumor to circulate. But then Joshua came up with a story that I was drunk, kept making moves on him, he felt bad because I was crying that nobody would ever have sex with me because I was fat, and had sympathy sex with me. Of course that was the story everyone believed. I was the girl who cried rape and nobody ever let me forget it. I hated him, I have never hated a person as much as I hated him. And it was like he got off on me hating him, seeing me get taunted, and crying about the shit people did to me and said about me. People would follow behind me in the hallways and scream ‘rape’ at me, thinking it was funny. None of the teachers ever did anything about it.”

Bridgett couldn’t even look at them after the story, she couldn’t stand to see the sympathy in their eyes. She didn’t even want to know what Spencer’s face looked like right now. The jet was oddly quiet, everyone processing the last few minutes. Bridgett finally sits down, tears dripping down her cheeks remembering all the shit she went through the last 7 months of high school. JJ gets up out of her seat and hugs her tightly.

“Oh my god, Bridgy… honey I’m so sorry.” She whispers.

“You think he preyed on your sister to get back at you? He ruined your life in high school, maybe he knew how close you and your sister are and it was just another jab at you.” Spencer asks, finally saying something.

“It could be possible, yeah. It wouldn’t surprise me.”

“Did your sister know about the rape?” Rossi asks.

“No. She was 10 at the time and it was never something we talked about in the house because it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault, you know that right?” Derek says quietly, placing his hand on Bridgett’s knee.

“I know that now. But 17 year old me didn’t. I believed my mom. I know Celeste is with him. They probably ran away together or something, I’m just scared that if he is the one that killed the other missing girls, it could happen to Celeste. Has he been at school?”

“Records show he was at work on Tuesday but hasn’t been back since. I have the last known address and am sending it to you now.” Garcia interjects, Bridgett looks up at the computer screen, Penelope had tears in her eyes as well.

Hotch hands everyone the case file before everyone goes off to read up on it. Bridgett stays sitting in the chair she had been, zoned out, not noticing Spencer coming to sit next to her until she felt a tight grip around her body. Bridgett relaxes into him, letting tears flow freely into his chest. They don’t speak to each other, Spencer respecting that she needed to let it out, he holds her head gently, slowly going down her hair to comfort her.

*** The team sets up at the police station, getting all the information they needed from the sheriff, the same sheriff that she reported her assault to years ago and didn’t take her seriously. Bridgett stays back from him, not confident in herself that she wasn’t going to yell at him.

“We’re heading out, checking out Joshua’s house. Reid, stay with Bridgett.” Hotch says. Rossi and Derek leave out of the doors.

“I wanna go.” Bridgett demands, standing up from the chair she was sitting in.

“You know you can’t go. We’ll keep you updated when we know anything.” Hotch replies.

Bridgett slowly walks over to Spencer, he pins the map of the town on the board in front of her. She wraps her arms around his waist, hugging him from behind. His heart breaks because he knew how lost and upset she was, and he really couldn’t do or say anything to help her. He turns around to face her, her eyelids were red and puffy, she looked exhausted. Spencer cups her cheeks in his hands, kissing her forehead twice, he didn’t care if the rest of the local police saw.

“I’m glad you talked about what happened. Probably not the setting you wanted to talk about it, but still glad. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, sweetheart.” Spencer speaks softly.

“I’ve wanted to tell you, but it’s so hard for me to talk about. That was the first time I ever got through it without crying a lot.”

“It’s okay. It’s hard talking about traumatic experiences. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“A shrink? No. I probably should but I don’t know, it’s nerve racking.”

“Bridge, your parents are here.” JJ says, stepping into the room.

Spencer let’s go of Bridgett’s face, letting her walk out of the room into the hallway. “I wanna go in there.”

“Are you sure?” JJ asks.

“Yes I’m sure. They’re not going to talk to anyone else. They don’t like cops. I have a better shot at getting them to say anything.”

JJ sighs, finally nodding her head. “If you need to step out, we’ll be in the next room. Don’t let them get to you.”

Bridgett nods her head, walking to the interrogation room door, stopping before grabbing the door handle. She takes deep breaths, wiping her face with her hands to try and look less of a mess. She counts to 10 slowly before walking into the room.

“Mom. Dad.”

They both look up at Bridgett, her dad staying stoned face while her mom’s face softened.

“Hi mija.”

Here we go.

Bridgett sits down across from them with a sigh, opening her case file and pulling the missing persons report out of the folder, sliding it across to them.

“Why would you wait 4 days after your daughter is missing to report it? She never came home from school Monday and you didn’t think it was the slightest bit weird?”

“No. The past few months it’s been happening.  Her leaving and not coming back for a few days. It’s mostly her leaving Friday morning and not coming back home until Monday night after school. But we called her on Wednesday and she didn’t answer her phone. She had a game Tuesday and she wasn’t there.” Her mom explains.

“She never missed a game.” Bridgett mutters. “And do you know who she was leaving with on weekends?”

“You’re the one that talks to her all the time, you don’t know?” Her dad snaps, hitting his palm on the table.

Bridgett stares him down, “Do you know every single detail about all of your kids? I bet you couldn’t name us in birth order. In fact, you couldn’t even tell me the color of my eyes. I’m there for Celeste since you guys clearly aren’t.”

“Bridgett.” Her mom saying her name in a warning tone. “You still need to respect your father.”

Bridgett laughs, “I need to respect him? He doesn’t know the meaning of the word respect! Look how he treats you! And the way he’s been treating you the past 24 almost 25 years!” Her voice raised in volume quickly, her voice ringing through the room. “Let me tell the ‘Parents of the Year’ something, she’s been having a sexual relationship with Joshua Wolfe, her high school soccer coach. She told me about it when she came to Virginia a few months back.”

Her dad gets up from the chair, making it fall to the floor and walking out of the room. Bridgett turns back toward the mirror, motioning for someone to go get him. She sees two of the local police follow after him as Emily walks in, sitting down next to Bridgett.

“Why does that name sound familiar? Joshua?” Her mom questions.

“Really? You don’t remember that this man raped me and you told me that it was basically my fault! You victim blamed me! And then the people you’re supposed to go to for help tell me that I’m going to damage his career if I cry rape! Nobody believed me and I had to emotionally and mentally live with the fact that I never got any help for my sexual assault! I warned everyone about this asshole and nobody believed me! And now my sister, my whole life, is missing and he needs to be suspect number one! I don’t give a fuck if he was a football star and a good kid, I know he has Celeste and you couldn’t even pay attention for 5 goddamn seconds to know something in your own child’s life!” Her eyes were cloudy with tears, her voice breaking and hoarse.

Emily stands up, trying to pull her out of the room. “Bridgett, you need to walk away.”

“Oh this shit again? He wouldn’t do something like that, Joshua is a respected person. It was so long ago.”

“And I’m still traumatized! Maybe if you paid an ounce of attention to your kids, one wouldn’t be missing and the other wouldn’t live states away to get away from you!” She yells, walking out of the room.

Spencer meets her in the hallway, enveloping her in a hug. He shushes her, stroking her hair. “Come here. It’s okay, you did good.”

“That’s the reason I left. That’s why Celeste was planning on leaving after graduation. I shouldn’t have ever left her.”

“It's going to be okay. We’re going to find her.”

“I’m taking her back to Virginia. She’s not staying here anymore.”

“Guys, we gotta go,  they found Joshua.”

***

Bridgett automatically recognized the white vintage pickup truck parked in the driveway, the same one he had that night. Rossi, Hotch, and Derek were waiting across the street at the other house, a few other police cars parked in the street. Everyone hops out of the car, walking over to the other half of the team.

“He’s in there. We don’t know if Celeste is in there for sure. He’s saying she is but he won’t come out. Rossi’s trying to talk to him, coax him out.” Derek explains.

“He wants Bridgett.” Rossi says, moving the phone away from his mouth.

“No.” Spencer says from behind her.

“What do you mean no? I’m going in there.” Bridgett says, checking her vest and gun to make sure everything was in order.

“I agree with Reid, it’s too risky. Especially with how emotionally impulsive you can be.” Hotch replies.

“Bridgett might have the best shot of getting him to tell us where Celeste is. One of us will follow behind you and stay by the door outside, and we’ll be listening in.” Derek says.

Bridgett looks around at the rest of the team, waiting for the okay from Hotch, even though everyone already knew that Bridgett was going to do what she wanted.

“Morgan, stay with her, but fall back just enough where you won’t be seen. We don’t know what’s going to set him off. Bridgett, say the word and we’ll move in.”

“Got it.” She says, walking up to the house with her gun drawn out in front of her. Once she gets to the door she knocks on it, seeing Derek duck out behind an overgrown bush off to the side of her. The door opens, Joshua standing behind the screen door. He still looked the same as he did in high school, a 5 o’clock shadow on his face.

“I knew you would come running to be your sister’s savior. Look at you, filled out since the last time I saw you.”

Bridgett looked at him in disgust. “Where’s Celeste?”

“Why don’t you come inside and find out?” He asks, opening the screen door. She follows behind him, keeping her distance. Bridgett looks around the house, everything was neat and tidy, not a pillow, picture, or knickknack out of place.

“You need to answer my question. Where is she?”

Joshua sits in a chair, his arms laying flat on the arm rests.

“How much is it killing you inside to know what your sister and I do? That I had both you and her. And at the same age.”

Bridgett draws her gun on him, walks toward him slowly, “Where. Is. She? You have 15 seconds before I shoot you right in the middle of your goddamn forehead. Tell me where she is Joshua!”

“Well if you shoot me how are you going to find out where she is? Sit, talk to me a while. Let’s catch up.” Not so much as a blink coming from him when Bridgett drew the gun on him.  

Bridgett rounds the corner of the couch, sitting across from him, gun still drawn on him. “You want to sit and chat? Let’s sit and chat, Joshua.” She spits, narrowing her eyes at him.

“She loved me. Loved all of me.”

“Mother fucker. Where is she? I’ll fucking kill you myself!”

“Got both the sisters on my scorecard.”

“Fuck you! Your piece of shit. Where the fuck is she? You don’t get it. My team has my back, just like all the boys on the team did after you assaulted me. They’ll vouch that you pulled a weapon on me, I’ll shoot you, clean shot. I’m the best shooter on this team, I don’t miss. Tell me where she is!”

The door opens behind her, the team flooding in, all of their guns drawn on him.

“Drop the bull shit, Joshua. Tell us where you have Celeste.” Derek yells, stopping next to Bridgett.

“Celeste found out about the other girls. She realized that she wasn’t the only one in my life, figured out what I had done to them. She threatened to call her big bad big sister, and I knew what I had to do.”

Bridgett drops her gun, her patience officially running out and charging him, kicking his legs from under him, his whole body hitting the floor with a thud. Bridgett climbs on top of him, wrapping her hands around his throat.

“Tell me where she is!”

“44th and McLeary. The Stephenson's old house.” He chokes out, his whole face cherry red. Bridgett holds her hands against him for a few more seconds, watching him struggle for air. Derek picks her up off of Joshua, handing her off to Spencer.

“Cuff him. I’m going.” Bridgett runs out of the house to the car, jumping in the driver seat. She sees Spencer slide in next to her in the passenger seat. The back doors open, Rossi and Hotch in the backseats waiting for her to floor it.

*** Bridgett presses on the brake pedal firmly, the whole SUV stopping suddenly. She puts it in park, not taking the keys out but jumping out. Hotch and Spencer block her path, stopping her in the middle of the driveway, both of them holding her back.

“Wait here. Do not let her in yet. We need to clear the house.” Rossi says, Hotch following behind him with their guns drawn. Bridgett watches them walk into the house. Spencer holds her against his chest, trying to get her to relax.

“I wanted to kill him. I looked in his eyes when I was choking him… and if Derek would have let me, I would have killed him.”

“Trust me, you’re not going to have to worry about him again. He’s not going to hurt you or your sister anymore.”

“We found her…” Rossi’s voice rings in their ear pieces.

“Celeste! I’m coming.”  Bridgett runs into the house, her heart beating fast, a new wave of adrenaline coursing through her body. She goes to the back of the house and sees both men standing in the hallway.

“Bridge wait, she’s not… she’s gone”  Rossi says, holding her arms. “You don’t want to see her like this. You don’t want that to be the last memory you have of her.”

Tears instantly started flowing down her cheeks, her whole body going numb. She gripped onto Rossi’s arms, collapsing against him. Bridgett sobs into his shoulder. He whispers ‘I’m sorry’ into her ear over and over again, trying to hold her up.

“No, I need to see her. I need to see if it’s her.” She cries.

Rossi looks at Hotch, waiting for his approval. Once he nods his head Rossi let’s her go. Bridgett walks forward, staring at her sister lying lifeless on the floor.

Celeste was left in just a tank top and underwear, her tan skin was now pale, her lips dry and a hint of blue on them. Her cheekbone had a purple bruise on it, one long bruise around her neck as well, dried blood under her nostril. There was a pool of dried blood surrounding her body. She drops to the floor next to her, moving her hair out of her face. Holding Celeste’s hand, crying over her body.

“No! Oh my god no. Celeste, baby come on, wake up. You can’t go. Call a medic, she needs help.” Bridgett calls out behind her, frantically looking to the three men behind her. Spencer drops down next to her, rubbing her back in comfort.

“Bridge, she’s gone.”

“No! Not my baby. Not my sister. I’m so sorry, Celeste. I’m so sorry. Baby I’m so sorry. Please. Please come back, Celly, please.”

Bridgett falls into Spencer's chest, clinging to his button up shirt and screaming in agony. Bridgett kept repeating Celeste’s name, screaming for her to come back. Spencer held Bridgett like you would hold a child, trying to keep her head against his chest and trying to shield her eyes from Celeste.

A few minutes passed, the rest of the team arriving at the empty house and heading to the back, Bridgett still inconsolable in Spencer’s arms.

“Bridge, Bridgett, honey your parents will be here any minute, we gotta get you up” Emily says, bending down to be eye level with Bridgett. Bridgett shakes her head, the rest of her body shaking against Spencer as she tries to catch her breath.

“I know you don’t want to be here when they come to see Celeste. We’ll just go to the backyard, get you calm, cleaned up, and then we’ll head over to the station.”

“Come on, babe, let’s get up.” Spencer says softly, looking down at her.

“Don’t leave me. Please?”

Spencer wipes the tears from her face, kissing her cheek. “I’m not going to leave you. I’m right here.”

Bridgett finally sits up, Emily helping Bridgett to her feet, giving her a big hug. Once she looks around the room she sees the team standing back in the hallway, their faces reading sympathetic. Bridgett clings onto Spencer’s arm as they walk toward the back of the house to the sliding doors to the backyard. Bridgett sits on a tree stump off to the side of the yard, Spencer sitting right behind her. She couldn’t form thoughts, focus on anything around her, stop crying, it was like she wasn’t in control of her body or mind.

“Bridgett?” Spencer calls her name, shaking her shoulder softly.

“Hmm?”

“Emily asked if you wanted anything to drink.”

Bridgett looks up at Emily standing above her. Trying to figure out if she had been standing there the whole time.

“Just water, please.” Her voice was frail and hoarse from all the screaming.

Emily nods her head, walking back inside the house. Spencer hugs her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. Bridgett rests her arms on top of his, stroking his knuckles absentmindedly. Spencer wanted to say something, but it needed to be better than just “I’m sorry.”

A few minutes later a piercing scream travels through the house and out of the back door to where Spencer and Bridgett were sitting. Bridgett picks her head up and looks through the window into the house, seeing her dad make his way out of the hallway and dropping to his knees. Both of them could hear her mother’s gut wrenching screams come from inside. As much as Bridgett hated her parents, they shouldn’t have to bury their child. No parent should.

“Hey, let’s go to the car.” Spencer says, trying to distract her.

“No. I wanna be here when the coroner picks her up.”

“Why don’t we go to the front yard, we can wait in the car, in the air conditioning, and you can see when they get here? I don’t want you to pass out from being in the sun and crying. Not to mention you haven’t eaten since before we left Quantico.”

Bridgett agrees after a few seconds, shakily standing up and walking with Spencer to the front of the house, sitting in the passenger seat next to Spencer, the cool air blasting against her warm face. Spencer handed her a granola bar, Bridgett rejecting, there was no way she could stomach food right now.

“Bridgett, I know you’re upset, and your world just stopped, but that doesn’t mean you can stop taking care of yourself. You need something in your system.” Spencer says, opening the wrapper for her and handing it back. Bridgett takes it, breaking it in half and taking a bite.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be difficult, I just don’t know how to process this right now.”

“You’re not being difficult. You’re mourning. I want you to know you’re not going through this alone though. Okay? I’m right here, baby.”

“I know, thank you for being here, Spence.” Bridgett whispers, touching her hand to his face.

They sit in the car in silence, watching police walk in and out of the old worn down house. Finally the coroner’s van pulls up, a man and a woman stepping out. Bridgett steps out of the SUV, watching them take the gurney out of the back of their van. Spencer comes up next to her, holding her close to him. It felt like forever before they came back out wheeling her sister’s body in the white sheet, out of the house. Bridgett’s tears start back up once again watching Celeste be removed from the last place she was alive. Her parents followed after, they were holding each other and crying, her father and Hotch on both sides of her mom escorting her out of the house.  

“Once we get back to the morgue you’ll be able to come in and identify the body. Your parents said that you’d be the one to identify her.” The man says in passing to Bridgett.

“We still have to identify her even though we know it’s her?”

“For our records, yes. We need a signature that you identified her. I am very sorry for your loss, ma’am.”

“Thank you.” She says quietly.

“Come on, I’ll drive.” Spencer says from behind her, enveloping her in a tight hug.

***

It had been hours since they found Celeste. Bridgett had to identify the body at the morgue, which mentally drained her even more. She couldn’t believe that her sister was gone, it didn’t feel real even after seeing her on the table with the blue sheet covering her.  

Spencer opens the door to her hotel room, letting her walk in first. Bridgett slowly shuffles in, stopping in the middle of the room, staring at the floor. She feels Spencer’s hand on her shoulder.

“Bridgett, you should lie down. It’s been a long night.”

She shakes her head, not moving her body from its place. “Why is this happening? Why her? Why did he do this?” Tears start to flood her already sore eyes, her heart feeling empty. Her hands fly to eyes, pressing her palms against her eyes to prevent more tears from falling.

“I know there’s nothing I can say or do to make this feel better, but I am so sorry, Bridge.” Spencer towers over her, hugging her tightly. Bridgett breaks down into his arms for the 10th time that day. Her whole body convulses against him, violent sobs coming deep from her chest. Spencer rocks her back and forth, letting her get everything out.

“I-I should hav-ha-ve never left her. I should have stayed h-home until she was done with school. That way I could have protected her.”

“Don’t do that to yourself. It’s not your fault. None of this is. Hey, look at me, baby.”

Bridgett lifts her head, Spencer taking his thumb and swiping it across her tears.

“I’m not going back to Virginia until you go back.”

“Why? No Spence, the team needs you.”

“They’ll be fine. You need me more. I told Hotch about us and that I want to be here with you to help you through the planning process and everything after. I don’t want to leave you alone and have you deal with your parents alone.”

Bridgett sniffles, trying to compose herself. “You told them about us? Why now?”

“I dunno. I figured it’s time. Especially since I’ve been by your side the entire day. Is it a problem that I told them?”

“No. Not at all. It’s actually one last thing for me to worry about whenever we do go back home. Thank you for wanting to be here with me.”

“I’m always going to be here for you, Bridge. I always have you.”

[knullanon]

black beetle won the fight yall

anyway heres that fic, sorry it doesn’t include him until the end, imma probably write a part 2, but only if yall want it lmao

warnings: homeless man being weird, underage drinking (reader does no drinking), kidnapping, running, lmk if there should be anything else!

words: 1715

“Jesus, _______, you don’t even have a public snapchat, what in the name of fuck makes you think that you’ll actually gain some followers on instagram?”

You rolled your eyes, and gave a small glare to your friend, who was sitting on your bed, scrolling through her phone. Currently it was almost 11 pm, and it was a miracle that Vanessa's parents were out on a weekend vacation. It was Friday night, and they had left her with you in the morning when you both had left for school. After that, well, it was chaos from there. You both had gone shopping, eating, and even got some… contraband from one of her friends. Currently, she was high as fuck sitting on your bed, and stating almost every opinion you were assuming she had hidden from you for your almost 2 year long friendship.

And it was not pretty.

“Seriously, you always bitch about that one chick, what's her name, Kathrine? You act like her opinion is the definition of your future. Like, who give a fuck if she thinks you’re too fat? You look like… fuck, what was I gonna say? I don’t remember.”

She was in the hyper and “paranoid” part of smoking weed a few minutes ago, but now that she's high and more relaxed, she's really let her bars down. It was kinda annoying you that she never mentioned to tell you this shit, but to be honest, you would’ve started crying if she said this shit in front of a bunch of people.

You mainly ignored her comments, most of them about your confidence issues and the fact that any opinion that was stated about you took 100% seriously. It hurt a little, hearing her say these things, but you reminded yourself that she's high, she doesn’t know what she's talking about, and it was a completely normal thing for people who were high to start spewing bullshit… probably. You’ve never seen her this high, but it was interesting to see her act like this.

One comment made you particularly mad, when she said, “You always act like there’s gonna be someone to save you, or something, like, this isn’t fanfiction, _______, this is real life, where people aren’t going to care about some girl with daddy issues. Just, really, accept it, your dads an ass, and hey, maybe if you’re lucky, one of those fictional characters who you like will come out of nowhere and give you whatever you want.”

You gave here a look and then asked, “Vanessa, you’re drunk. Let’s just- ugh, let's just get you home.”

 She didn’t object to you bringing her out the back of your porch (your neighbors were nosy) and you dragged her drunk ass through town, making sure to stay out of dark areas where people could grab you. Of course, there was no telling someone would actually do that, but you were still just a young girl: you couldn’t do jack shit against a 40 year old man.

Anyway, Vanessa was starting to regain her footing, and she was able to start walking n=by her own for the last 5 minutes. When you dropped her off, she insisted that she was able to walk by herself onto the steps and with that, you made sure she got inside her house, before you started walking back to your house.

Unfortunately, you had no idea that there were 2 people following you, both with completely different intentions.

~~~~

You ended up running when you saw the seemingly homeless man sprinting towards you. It was only a split second before you dodged his attack, where he would’ve had you in a neck hold, and you couldn’t have escaped: you were surprised that you even saw it in time.

However, you didn’t even try to feel the burning in your lungs, only the fear of what the man was going to do to you if he did catch you. You didn’t know where you were, going, you only followed your instinct. And it eventually led to you going down some weird alleway.

Which of course, you expected it to not work. It was long and dark as you turned but you didn’t have time to go back, he was right behind you, you could feel him. And then, almost halfway through the alleyway, you heard his shoes screech to a stop, and then him… gurgling? But when you turned around, you didn’t see anything, or anyone. Just one of his shoes. A singular, worn out shoe. You didn’t want to stay, oh no, you were getting the hell out of there and heading back home.

And while you sprinted out of the alleway, the second person who was following you was sitting on the top of the rooftop holding someone's dead body.

~~~~~

For the next few days, everything seemed like normal. Vanessa didn’t mention anything about the shit talking, she didn’t say shit about you walking her home either, and nothing about that weird homeless man and his weird bullshit. You felt relieved on the fourth day: nothing strange had happened, and you felt like something was slowly coming off your shoulders: nothing bad was going to happen, everything would continue as normal.

Right? 

You still had no evidence of anything happening, and Vanessa seemingly didn’t remember shit about the day, so you had to assume that it was just some weird dream: maybe you drank some beer with her and you ended up like this. You didn’t know if it really did happen, to be honest: you were doubting yourself. 

So, a week after the whole thing, you decided to head back to that weird alleway to see if there was anything that could help you. Putting on your most concealing outfit, just some sweatpants and a hoodie, you ventured out and started to wander around, wondering where the hell you went. Eventually you traced your steps, remembering little bits from the strange… night? Dream? You didn't know, which was also the reason why you were even here. Did that bullshit really happen?

You saw some evidence of you being there: a trash can that was still knocked over from the man, the man's little area he had set up to live, which was now taken over by another person, your pencil you had dropped trying to get away from him which was… in surprisingly good condition. You didn’t know why that gave you a feeling of dread when you recognized the alleyway: it looked like any other, but there was just… something off putting about it, even in the daytime. 

When you approached, you heard something rattle, like something metal had dropped. You rushed in, only to see just that, a trash can lid rattling on the ground, like someone was there. 

And along with it, that damn show that the man had left behind, this time, it was moved slightly. 

Ok, now this was weird. 

~~~~~

You didn’t like the feeling you got when you were walking back home. It was still bright out, many people out and about, happy and glowing in the sun.

You didn’t feel like that. You felt terrible. You felt like the sun was going to melt you with all of your layers of clothes, but you didn’t focus on that. You focused on the fact that yes, that night was real, and that it happened, and that that homeless man was gone and you had no idea where he could be. Of course, you didn’t care for a maniac like him, but it was the fact that he was gone that was bothering you. While on the way back home, you wondered what Vanessa would say about it, but you eventually decided against it. 

She would call you crazy and say that you were making it up for attention, for starters, and you would also have to explain why you were bringing her home, which would then have to have you explain why you wanted her out of the house. Not a situation you wanted to deal with. 

Anyway, as long as that weird man didn’t show up again, you would be fine. He couldn’t do anything to you anyway, right? He wasn’t even there! It had already been a week, what could he be doing?

Your fears were starting to calm down while you were making every excuse you could think of so that you wouldn’t have to worry about it. And then the part where he disappeared came into play. Sure, he had disappeared, but to where?

This made you think. Seriously, where had he gone? Where could he have gone? And why did it sound like someone was choking him when you turned around-

… Was there always a 7 foot tall man in your backyard? No, no there wasn’t. Quickly hiding, you tried to see what he was, but it was no use. He was really hidden, like you. Pulling out your phone, in case he actually saw you. Which you soon found out that yes, yes he did. 

You don’t know when he actually was able to get to you, but apparently, it was quick. You didn’t even hear him when he grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you up: almost like a kitten and their mother.

You looked up to see some weird armored figure. His armor was black, with little accents of grey here and there. He had two spikes on his back and he also didn’t have a nose. He looked… weird, a little, yes, but you were more worried about the bigass sword that had formed in his other hand. 

He stood taller (how?) before he asked, “Tell me, where are your parents?”

“Parents?”

“Yes, that’s what I asked.”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Well, are they in the house with you?”

“N-No, I don’t think so-”

“Great. Then you won’t need to worry about what’s about to happen.”

Before you could ask, he gave you a quick slap to the neck, and you felt something almost pinch your skin. You were going to scream, but nothing came out. Instead, you only fell into a pit of sleep, and you fell more and more, until you only heard wind rushing through your ears, before nothing more.

_______________

yall im tired af lol I should’ve answered more asks but im getting real slow and im sorry. ill try to get more requests out, im just getting overwhelmed by bullshit irl lol

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

no-sleep 1x09rewatch ramble-essay (all content warnings for the episode apply here)

i was just like. oh i’ll watch a feel-good episode of gossip girl! s1 thanksgiving ep is great isn’t it! blairenate family feels!!! ruflyson love triangle drama!!! vdw siblings AND humphrey siblings hanging out!!! dan’s “see you later waldorf” *salutes & closes the cab door* !!!

& like. yes i DID remember serena’s whole not being sober on thanksgiving thing, and yes i DID remember blair’s ED relapse - which is heavy, but eating disorder content isn’t particularly triggering for me personally (i find it kind of cathartic, if we’re being honest) BUT . i somehow forgot. that THIS was the episode which has howard’s suicide attempt?? and now i have some of the most painful nate feels in the world. 

blah blah blah, leight’s acting brought me to tears, which probably doesn’t sound like a very big deal but sort of is, for a variety of reasons (watching things doesn’t usually make me cry, it’s happened maybe a single-digit number of times before + also just my blair feels in general --> she’s a really interesting character but i don’t find her AS relatable as i do dan, or nate, or vanessa, or maybe even serena at times --> so i usually do have a bit of a disconnect re: watching her, which i really do not have for like. dan, for instance.) 

i just cannot divorce that very cute outfit blair wears with her ED relapse - which brings me to the next point, which is that blair is maybe THE only character ever for whom her clothing choices and her plotlines are so interwoven in my head (lemon yellow shirt and funky little hat is her mean bridesmaids competitive game day, yellow-&-orange dress is her choose chuck over dan moment, genderqueer plaid skirt and grey shirt is her “dan loves me for me” moment, white shirt with the pink flowers is her get owned by nelly yuki moment, etc etc)... the only other time i noticed outfits is derena cotillion, but that’s just because i LOVE derena cotillion, and date matching shirts, but that’s because i am tuned into all things date and couldn’t possibly tell you what those outfits actually symbolise, with the exception of dan’s pink flannel shirt from when he’s holding milo. or any of the outfits from 2x06 because that is my episode hands down. oh hey would you look at that, i do actually form associations. but you gotta believe me on this, blair’s the one it happens most naturally for, which is very strange. i think it’s because her outfits are always Statements in a way that the other characters never do, except for jenny, who is a fashion designer, so it’s Different for her. what am i trying to say. 

oh yeah another iconic outfit is serena’s golden jacket and bright blue pants to the morgue to identify what might be chuck’s corpse. she literally dressed like she was going clubbing and i respect her so much for that. 

anyway. gosh. nate just - getting gaslit by his mom, getting reprimanded by his dad for telling his mom to stop being rude/petty... howard was like “don’t fight my fights for me” but nate wasn’t even doing that?? he was just asking his mom Not to be rude, and the fact that nate got told off at the end of that interaction... uh. it shows a lot about the archibald family unit in general and just. how nate is sort of treated as ... i don’t have the right word, but my brain is like “second class citizen”... which is absolutely NOT the right concept for nate but like. he is treated like he is Less a part of the family than his parents are....... RIGHT until one of them (or both of them!) fuck up in a big way and it’s down to nate to fix their mess. i haven’t read “adult children of emotionally immature parents” but from whatever i’ve heard about it, i think nate could do with reading it. or not. maybe it’d just make him sadder.

and fuck - nate’s whole talk with his dad and his dad telling nate that he doesn’t know how he can go on, etc etc... idk what to say or where to draw the line but i have really complicated howard & nate feelings. i really truly think anne was the worse parent (not like it’s a competition of course) and i sometimes seriously wonder if maybe howard archibald had a more supportive life partner, maybe he wouldn’t have ended up being ~like that~ to nate (doesn’t justify anything of course). anyway nate’s sitting by the hospital bed and his dad is denying his suicide attempt at first and nate’s just like, no, stop. this is also making me think now of nate sitting by serena’s hospital bed after tripp, and nate possibly sitting by blair’s hospital bed some point pre-series (eating disorders are serious and i really do think, esp with eleanor being eleanor, that it must’ve gotten pretty bad for blair before she got help - which. sorry. i know, it’s sad but i’m just putting together pre-existing implications.) all i’m saying is some point in the future i wouldn’t be surprised if nate’s just. uncomfortable in hospitals and unable to piece together why. oh yikes i just remembered blair’s miscarriage. at which point do hospitals become overly suffocating for natie, remind him of his own helplessness, etc... because i really think they would. anyway. 

anne archibald chills me because she is such an accurate representation of a very specific kind of mother and. i hate it for nate obviously but i struggle to remember a time i’ve seen a tv mom who i can 100% relate to so hard. as in. fuck. worded that wrong. whose SON i can relate to so hard. ouch. this may be a moot point because i don’t watch much tv, but honestly anne & nate is just. a Lot. in a way that is significant to Me, specifically. this is part of my pet peeve (not enough to fight with anybody don’t worry) when people make edits about mothers & daughters, as if what was happening between nate & anne, somehow didn’t have the same complications - i honestly think there’s some solid eleanor & blair/ anne & nate parallels to be drawn. and we’ve been over this somewhere else, but lily & serena / rufus & dan / rufus & jenny definitely have a lot of the same specific issues (parent projecting on child, etc.) again - everyone engages w the show differently, im ready to admit that like... maybe 65% of my problems with the ‘mothers & daughters’ reading probably stem from gender dysphoria, lol. but whatever.

i have feelings about dan & alison, too... i really do think dan was closer to his mom than to his dad for majority of his childhood, and this ep really cements it. anyway. i don’t have any more words and i’m tired. and i might just watch derena cotillion episode because . derena cotillion episode my beloved... 

wait wait before i forget. venn diagram of humphrey family & van der bilt family & playing american football. i know this has come up before but like. here we go i;m thinking about it again. both dan and nate have been competitively thrown in the grass by a family member in the name of sports. no wonder nate chose dan over chuck in 2x06 (i would put a tone indicator but even i can’t tell if this is /gen or /j) 

[shuahoonie]

you. [tom holland] - five.

PAIRING: tom holland x female!celebrity!reader

SUMMARY: ah, to be young and in love. it sounds great if only you and tom were actually dating out of pure love and not for the sheer reputation of your careers. it also should be great if you two actually got along, but life isn’t that easy.

WARNINGS: mostly swearing! sexual innuendos are present kids! a bit of fluff, a bit of angst. it’s haters to lovers / fake dating au so take that information as you wish! this is definitely a filler chapter tho. 

WORD COUNT: 3761 words

SONG INSPO: hard times - paramore

A/N: hiya babes! sorry if i skipped a two weeks-worth of an update, got caught up from uni & my part-time job. been writing for uni a lot, and ngl yall kinda wanna cry! anyways, the amount of love i’ve received for this series is wild you guys!!! thank you so much for the kind words! i know i suck at replying but please know that i really appreciate it you guys and y’all make me feel soft and so loved 🥺 sorry again for the late update, hope this makes up for it!! enjoy part five & happy reading x 🥰💛

UPDATES EVERY SATURDAY 11 PM CST 

gif credits: @thwip

vanessa’s masterlist | one | two | three | four | six | seven | eight | eight.5 [interview excerpt] 

You woke up by the sun beaming on your face. Already dreading the day, you pulled the covers over your head and buried yourself in the pile of pillows that were taking up most of the space on your bed. God, you were exhausted from yesterday. 

See, yesterday- yesterday was a blur. Everything happened so fast. You and Tom were trending on Twitter for god-knows how many hours. Headlines about you two dating were plastered everywhere. 

It made you roll your eyes. Do people care that much? And they do. People cared a lot about you two. People said that you two look great together, while a handful said you were in it for the clout. Technically, we both are. 

So, now that you got the people’s attention, what’s next? 

Well, for starters, they started tracking yours and Tom’s relationship from where and how it started. They wouldn’t find anything because you two aren’t really dating in the first place. 

However, they did compilations of possible hints that you two were dating-or maybe was just getting to know each other. Luckily for you two, you followed each other on Instagram for quite a while now so you got that foundation to build up. 

You liked some of his photos before, as did he. You actually found Tom quite adorable back then. The first time you saw him was when you saw Captain America: Civil War with your friends. You and your friends bonded over watching Marvel movies and once you saw Tom Holland as Peter Parker on screen, it was safe to say that you weren’t just crushing on Sebastian Stan anymore. 

However, you did convince yourself that nothing trumps over your crush on Sebastian Stan. You also convinced yourself that you were crushing on Peter Parker-not Tom Holland. Peter Parker was sweet and kind, Tom Holland was not. 

You pushed off the covers and finally pulled yourself out of bed. After doing your morning routine, you threw yourself into the couch with a coffee in hand while a toast on the other. 

Today was your last day off before you went back to taping so you were expecting a pretty dull day today- that is until your phone kept on buzzing.

You looked at the caller ID before letting out a huge groan, “Zoë, Please for the love of God, it’s my day off.” 

“Good morning to you too, Y/N.” Your manager said on the other line. “And I know it’s your day off, I just wanted to check up on you.” 

You furrowed your brows. “That sounds oddly suspicious, what are you planning to do, Zoë?” 

“Would you relax, Y/N? I was just asking if you have anything to do for your day off.” She replied. 

“I’ll probably do a bit of grocery shopping later, but other than that I might bury myself in blankets and watch movies in the living room.” You answered and took a bite of your toast, frowning as you tried to swallow your sad and bland breakfast. 

“Okay, that’s good to know-Oh, and I also wanted to tell you that your taping tomorrow has been moved for the next two days. Apparently, Alissa won’t be back till tomorrow.” 

“Oh, thank god,” You sighed, relieved to hear that you have another day off. “Thanks for the heads up, Zo. I’ll see ‘ya soon.” You hung up the phone and finished the piece of toast. 

You watched a few episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine before you gathered up the will to get yourself ready. After taking a well-deserved warm bath and doing your extensive skincare routine -watching videos about Koreans sharing their skincare routine on Youtube really got the best of you and your bank account- You put on a plain white shirt and paired it with your favourite pair of mom jeans. 

As you grabbed your keys and your wallet, ready to bust out the door, you heard your phone ring. 

“Are you home?” 

“Yes, I am, Ronnie. Why are you asking?” You asked her. 

“Cool. Can you open the door please?” She asked on the other line. 

Confused, you opened your front door and sure enough, Veronica was standing in front of your apartment wearing her university sweatshirt and denim jeans. 

“Oh thank god you’re ready, I had the most awful day at school. I just received my paper for my 400-level political science class and let’s just say that the mark I got, I haven’t done it in bed for a while now.” Veronica ranted off, taking her shoes off before placing her books on the coffee table. 

It took you a solid minute before you just realized what she just said. “Ronnie, I don’t want to know about your sex life-” You said before you fixed your hair. “Or lack thereof.” 

“I could really use some good fucking, ‘yannoe?” 

“Jesus Christ, Ronnie-” You sighed as you handed her shoes back to her. “C’mon, I have to do some serious grocery shopping.”

“Okay, but I’m driving,” Ronnie said as she grabbed her car keys. “You’re a horrible driver.” 

“Works for me,” You shrugged and locked the front door. 

The travel to the grocery store was typical: you two belting One Direction songs the whole time. You and Veronica were strolling the yogurt aisle when she asked about your whole love life situation. 

“Oi, I thought you and Tom weren’t dating?” She asked as she put an assorted pack of yogurt down the cart. 

“I’m never going to eat that,” You pointed at the yogurt. “And we aren’t.” 

“I will eat it whenever I stop by unannounced at your place,” Veronica argued. “Then what’s with that photo that I’ve seen with you two holding hands yesterday?” 

You looked around, checking if there was anybody within-distance that could hear whatever you were about to say. “We’re not actually dating.” You murmured.

“Come again?” Veronica asked, completely lost. 

“We’re just doing it for publicity.” You whispered loud enough for Ronnie to hear. 

“I’m sorry, but how exactly did it escalate to that?” She asked, totally confused. 

“Remember that stunt I pulled at the club the other day?” 

“Yeah, you were all over the news.” 

“That was the reason as to why it had to escalate to me and him dating.” You answered as you pushed the cart again. 

“Yeah, no, I need a cup of coffee before we do this, I’m all caffeine-out,” Veronica said before she bid of herself off and went towards the Starbucks that was found near the entrance of the store. 

You rolled your eyes playfully at your friend and carried on completing the least stressful adult task for you. 

It was actually quite serene. You managed to finish your shopping without people noticing you-well, that’s a stretch. People did notice you. Most of them gave you an acknowledging nod followed by a small smile, some of them asked for a photo, and only a few just stared at you-which you didn’t mind. 

You were paying for your things when Veronica appeared right beside you with a cup of coffee in hand. “What? Did the line at Starbucks reach the parking lot? What took you so long?” 

“No, but a cute guy bought me a drink.” She beamed, taking a sip of her coffee. 

You chuckled. “Good for you, Ronnie.”

“Y/N, girl, I swear- he has the most gorgeous eyes.” Ronnie carried on, the smile was stuck on her face. “Oh, he was so sweet.” She sighed happily. 

You were happy for your friend since it’s not every day she meets someone that she’s completely enamoured with. However, she can express her liking for this guy while helping you load the grocery back in the cart. “Ronnie, that sounds great and all, but can you help me with the groceries so we can leave now?” You practically begged. 

Veronica nodded and helped you load the groceries back in the cart, immediately speeding up the process. Taking too much time fixing your groceries at the till always gave you anxiety, especially when there’s a long queue behind you. 

“Oh my god, Y/N,” Veronica gasped as you two were walking towards the parking lot. 

“What? What happened? Are you okay?” You asked, completely baffled. 

“I forgot to tell you that he has this amazing accent,” She sighed, making you roll your eyes. 

“Ronnie, I swear to god I will fucking kill you.” You grumbled as Veronica opened the trunk of her car and started handing you the groceries for you to put in. 

“I forgot to get his name though,” She mumbled. “which is a bummer because he was honestly a godsend.” 

All you could do was roll your eyes as you were lost for words. 

“Oh, quit rolling your eyes at me. Just because you have a boyfriend, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to have one.” Ronnie pointed out. 

“As if I actually have a boyfriend,” You countered, finishing up with the groceries.

“Whatever,” Veronica mumbled and shut off the trunk of her car. “I’ll just put this cart back and-”

“Hey, Veronica, was it?” 

You and Veronica both turned your heads towards the person who just called Veronica’s name. As soon as she saw who the voice belonged to, it gave her extreme delight. 

“Yes,” She beamed at the brunette with insanely blue eyes. “We talked earlier but I didn’t get your name.” 

“Sorry ‘bout that. I had to take a phone call and when I got back, you weren’t there.” The guy explained. You took a good look at him. He seemed familiar but you couldn’t exactly put your finger on it. 

“No, you’re okay! I had to go back to my friend here-which reminds me,” Veronica pulled you closer “This is my best friend, Y/N, Y/N, this is-” 

“Harrison,” The guy smiled at you and extended his hand for you to shake. You politely shook his hand and after what seemed like an eternity, his eyes widened. “Wait, You’re Y/N L/N, right? From the Alchemist?” 

You gave him a small nod, still trying to figure out who he is. “You’re also Tom’s girlfriend, I presume?” He asked a bit shyly. 

“Great. I can’t believe I have to live with that label attached to my name now.” You thought to yourself.

You weren’t exactly sure if and how you were going to answer his question. Where are you with this stunt anyway? Are you and Tom supposed to be vocal about your relationship or were you two just blatant and left the people to figure out for themselves? 

Harrison seemed to take notice of your hesitation in regard to the question. “It’s okay,” He says softly. “I know.” 

“Pardon me?” 

“I know the real deal about you and Tom.” He whispered. 

There was a look of panic in Veronica’s eyes. “Yeah, that they’re totally in love.” She said defensively. You, however, seemed unbothered. You were also curious. You’ve seen Harrison before but you couldn’t point out where you’ve seen him. 

“Harrison, you’re Tom’s best friend, yeah?” You asked him, starting to get a picture of how familiar he is. 

Harrison nodded. “I wasn’t really expecting for our first meeting to be like this.” He chuckled. 

“Eh, it’s alright,” You shrugged. “Much better for us to meet this way and in our own circumstance, considering your friend makes everything ten times more unbearable.”

Harrison let out a small laugh, “Tom’s not that bad once you get to know him.”

“Oh trust me, I know him plenty and so far, I’m not liking it.” You argued quite defensively. “Well, I’ll leave you two to chat for a bit as I put this cart back in its place.” You said as you gave Veronica a short look, in which she beamed at you in return. 

You purposely took your time with returning the pushcart back in its rightful area. You fumbled with your phone for a bit, checking your Twitter only to find out that you’re still trending and people still have no idea what to feel about you and Tom’s relationship. 

“Why did I pour my drink all over him again?” You asked yourself in frustration. 

As you walked back towards Ronnie’s car, you saw your best friend and Harrison talk animatedly around each other with their smiles never leaving their faces. 

The tad bitter side of you wondered if their mouths hurt from all that smiling, it also made you wonder if it’s even okay for a normal person to smile that much. However, the better part of you was glad that your best friend was happy. Veronica needed to be happy. 

Soon after, they bid their goodbyes, not before exchanging phone numbers. Harrison gave you a friendly wave-goodbye before he walked towards his car. 

As soon as you sat on the passenger seat of Ronnie’s car, you were already greeted by a huge smile on her face. 

“Okay, don’t get mad-” Ronnie began.

You groaned. Knowing your best friend, you knew that she did something that will get you mad. “Ronnie, what did you do?” 

“Okay, so I know that tonight was supposed to be our movie night but I just couldn’t help it! You know me through thick and thin, Y/N! You know how I do things impulsively around guys that I’m interested in. I’m like a mindless machine around them! I don’t even know why I’m talking this much when I usually have everything under control but Harrison-” 

“Ronnie sweetie, breathe,” You said with your hands placed on top of her shoulders. “You are babbling and I need you to get straight to the point.”  

Veronica took a deep breath before she said the words that almost made you want to smack the living daylights out of your friend. “I invited Harrison for dinner and I told him he can bring Tom too.” 

“Could you stop?” Veronica threw the kitchen towel at you as you continued to glare at her. “You’re being childish, hon.” 

“I am not being childish! You’re being childish.” You argued, crossing your arms. 

Veronica just stared at you, her face seemingly screams that she’s absolutely done with you. 

“Okay, so maybe I am being childish,” You admitted. “But you threw the towel at me so I’m not the only one here with an attitude.” 

Veronica rolled her eyes as she finished setting up the table. You two were supposed to have pasta over dinner and have a Harry Potter movie marathon while eating junk food. Well, you two were still going to do it, except this time you’re joined by Harrison and Tom. 

“This is the worst thing you’ve ever done to me,” You said dramatically. 

“Y/N, hon, you’re exaggerating. I’m pretty sure this evening’s not going to be bad.” Ronnie commented. 

Veronica left the kitchen and proceeded to the living room to check her makeup in the mirror that was propped over the wall. You followed her into the living room and threw yourself on the couch. 

“Ronnie, why did you even invite them? Don’t you have classes tomorrow? Also, aren’t you supposed to be writing your paper for your social class?” You asked as you watched Ronnie retouch her makeup. 

You were trying your best to cancel this dinner. You tried to reason with your best friend though because this is your house in the first place. However, she pulled the “This is my chance in getting myself a love life” card and she has moaned for years that she really wants to meet someone. You’d do anything for Veronica’s happiness. You’d also do anything to keep your best friend quiet about how she wants to date so bad. 

“I already have my draft for that paper, just need to edit it,” Ronnie replied as she applied a coat of mascara. “Besides, I don’t have any classes on Mondays, you knew that.”

“Right,” you mumbled. “Still think this is a bad idea though. Things got so unbearable with Tom yesterday, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle another day with that guy ever again.” 

After your whole lunch scene with Tom yesterday, it felt suffocating. It was unbearable. He was back with his usual snarky attitude and it drove you mad. 

You learned one sure thing about your set-up though: He was only charming around other people, but if it’s just you two? He was a jerk. 

Not even a minute later, the doorbell rang. You got up and checked who was at the door and sure enough, two familiar faces filled up the screen. 

“Speaking of the devil,” You muttered before opening the door and was greeted by Harrison who gave you a hug. 

“Thanks for having us over, Y/N” Harrison said as he pulled away from the short hug. He then proceeded to give Veronica one, and it was obvious that his intentions were solely focused on her anyway. 

“Uh, yeah. No problem.” You said almost awkwardly as you gave Ronnie a look, who in turn mouthed a grateful ‘Thank you’. 

You turned back to the door and saw that Tom standing there, a stoic look on his face. He looked like he came out of a photoshoot based on the clothes he was wearing: slouchy black button-ups and a pair of denim jeans. “Holland,” You greeted him as you opened the door a bit wider. 

“Y/L/N,” He said as he gave you a once-over. “You look...” Tom seemed like he was really trying hard to think of a nice word to say. 

“Don’t strain yourself,” You said as you rolled your eyes.

You were wearing an oversized band shirt -that was tied in a knot at the front- and paired it with high-waisted patterned pants. You and Ronnie shared a small argument on what you should wear for dinner. 

She insisted that you should dress for your comfort while looking presentable and you argued that that is the outfit that gave you comfort. 

You also argued that Ronnie and her guests should be glad that you weren’t wearing sweatpants like you anticipated before Ronnie invited people for dinner. 

“Good because I wasn’t planning to,” Tom nagged, sending you into absolute overdrive.  

As soon as he had his back turned on you, you resisted the urge of strangling him right then and there. 

Unbeknownst to you and Tom, Veronica and Harrison caught the frustration painted on your face causing them to chuckle amongst themselves. 

You and Tom had only known each other for two days at most, and yet you already had the most confusing relationship that existed in this world. 

“If this carries throughout the evening, the world will know me not as Tom Holland’s girlfriend, but as the girl who killed him.” You muttered to Veronica as you passed by her. 

“Relax, Y/N,” Veronica chuckled as she put a hand over your shoulder. “Dinner wouldn’t be that bad.”  

Saying that dinner wouldn’t be that bad would be an understatement. Dinner was horrible. 

Veronica and Harrison were pretty much occupied during the entire meal. They mostly had their attention to each other, which didn’t surprise you. Ronnie and Harrison were smitten for each other, it actually made you snort. 

You and Tom, though, were a different case. You two were seated across each other and you two wouldn’t stop bickering. 

It started when Tom accidentally kicked your foot underneath the table. 

“Ouch!” You yelped. “Why did you kick me?!”

“It was an accident,” He said defensively. 

“Psh, right” You scoffed. “Accident my ass.” 

The “I accidentally kicked you underneath the table” carried on for the entire meal, with you and Tom exchanging kicks every few minutes. 

You two also shared glares throughout the dinner. 

“Why are you mad at me?!” Tom argued. 

“Because you’re here!”

“Well, why did you invite me then?!” 

“I didn’t! It was all her!” You hissed as you pointed at Veronica who was rather talking intimately with Harrison, and was also very much oblivious to the argument unveiling in front of her and Haz. 

“God, why did I even think coming here was a good idea.” Tom moaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose, obviously annoyed. 

It didn’t even end there, as you all moved from the kitchen and into the living room to start the Harry Potter marathon, you and Tom started bickering over a piece of furniture. 

As Ronnie and Haz went to the loveseat sofa, you claimed the larger couch so you could lay down while watching the film and leaving Tom with nothing to sit on. You didn’t have much furniture considering you’re the only one who lives in this apartment. 

“Scoot over, Y/N.” He said as he approached the couch you were laying on.

“You can sit at the ottoman.” 

“And have nothing to rest my back on?”  

“God, you are such a diva.” You grumbled. “Just sit on the floor then.” You replied as you pulled the faux fur blanket over you, keeping you warm and cozy. 

“I don’t want to sit on the floor for hours,” Tom argued as he tried to pull you up from your position. 

“Fine, I’ll get you the floor cushion.” You said in defeat. 

“I want to sit on the couch, Y/N.”

“I am not moving, Holland. You can’t make me.” You said rather childishly. 

“Fine,” Tom sighed and pulled the ottoman closer to the couch. He pulled up your feet and sat on the end of the couch as he propped his feet on top of the ottoman. He placed your feet on top of his lap, as you claimed you weren’t going to get up from your laying down position.  “Then don’t move.” He dictated, leaving you to roll your eyes. 

And as for the cherry on top, you had your manager nag you to post something about your evening. You didn’t even know that Veronica filmed a quick story for her Instagram until you received a message from Zoë saying: “A couple of fans that follow Ronnie saw her story. Share it on your Insta too, it adds foundation to  our story.” 

Ronnie’s Insta story showed the television playing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone, and it panned to Harrison who was smiling softly at the camera and then, panned to you and Tom who were sharing the couch. You two were watching intently and from the looks of it, you looked like a very believable couple. 

Your manager was right and that irked you. The devil works hard but Zoë works harder.

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Music Review: 2020

My blog has been a lot of things over the years, but it did originate as something I used to publicly review music; especially in the Visual Kei scene. Since I began the blog so many years ago, I had actually been hired to review Visual Kei and J-Rock music for an actual website: VKH-Press.com, work I am very, very proud of to this day. However, with not much news to comment on or work to critique, I haven’t been as active. Plus, personal issues always seem to stand in my way. However, I always take the time to discuss my passions at the end of the year. There were so many incredible releases, despite the COVID-19 pandemic, and so I wanted to take the time time to discuss my favorite releases and, maybe, the not-so-favorites as well. Quick shout out to Bastille’s Goosebumps EP and Megan Thee Stallion’s Good News LP as I did not get to listen to them before I wrote up my lists, but were still excellent releases. See my thoughts below! 

Overall, there were about 75 albums or groupings of albums I listened to this year and split them between various tiers. Starting with the bad tier, there were actually only ten albums listed here and mostly just because they were seemingly unnecessary collection albums. For example, another Satsuki collection? Rides in ReVellion releasing two greatest hits LPs after only five years of work? Beyonce releasing The Lion King: The Gift again? None of those felt like necessary releases. There weren’t many albums that really screamed bad to me this year, but I really could not stand Vanessa Carlton’s “Love is an Art” or Justin Bieber’s “Changes.” The only other albums on this tier were just underwhelming compared to what I know the artist is capable of, but the “best bad tier album,” in my view, was The 1975′s “Notes on a Conditional Form.” 

The mid-tier albums had all sorts of reasons for being only mid-tier. They weren’t quite bad or outright unnecessary, but are mostly by artists who put out work that was nowhere near the caliber of their usual work or were re-releases or other collection albums. For example, Tove Lo’s “Sunshine Kitty: Pawprint Edition” or Man With A Mission’s remixes/b-sides/covers albums. Nice to have with good quality music, but I wish we’d just have had brand new EPs or LPs. 

The good-tier albums were all really excellent releases, but didn’t hit home the way anything on the “God-Tier” list did. Here, I’d like to share a quick top ten: 

10. Taeyeon’s “Purpose: Repackage” & Japanese EP, “#GirlsSpkOut” 9. Charli XCX’s “How I’m Feeling Now” 8. Miyavi’s “Holy Nights” & “Holy Nights: 2020 Lockdown” 7. TK’s “Sainou” 6. PVRIS’s “Use Me” 5. Buck-Tick’s “Abracadabra” 4. Katy Perry’s “Smile” 3. Alicia Keys’ “Alicia” 2. Dua Lipa’s “Future Nostalgia” & “Club Future Nostalgia” 1. Ava Max’s “Heaven & Hell

Without furhter ado, though, the God Tier Top 25: 

25. Acme’s We Are Visual Kei: Essentially a collection album of several songs that were b-sides that never made a full-blown album. This LP was loaded with some of Acme’s best work and shows that they are going to be here for a long time, despite Div not quite working out. Recommended tracks: Mononoke Requiem, Gekiyama Celluloid, Houkago no Shiiku 

24. Alanis Morisette’s Such Pretty Forks in the Road: Admittedly, a huge fan in the 90′s and loved her cover of Seal’s Crazy. However, before this album I didn’t really listen to much of her body of work and I can see why today’s youth might not listen to this album. It is very “adult” insofar as it deals with her struggles in marriage, parenting, religion, etc. Her vocal performance is exceptional and her song writing remains some of the best in the business. Recommended tracks: Smiling, Nemesis, Reasons I Drink. 

23. Niall Horan’s Heartbreak Weather: Not my usual cup of tea, but for some reason Niall’s music makes me feel softer than normal. He’s very cute and charming and his words are always so romantic. It feels more genuine than the music made by other members of One Direction and kind-of reminds me of earlier Taylor Swift writing, but from a male perspective. Recommended Tracks: Put A Little Love On Me, Arms of a Stranger, Still. 

22. K/DA’s All Out: I don’t even really understand what this is, but I love it. There’s something to do with League of Legends? Cartoons? International pop stars? Whatever it is, I’m totally obsessed. These songs just completely slap. Recommended Tracks: The Baddest, More, Drum Go Dum. 

21. Darrell’s Brilliant Death: This might even “officially” be a single, but there’s enough content to market it as an album. Darrell is a band formed from the ashes of Deathgaze and Ai’s solo project. Who knows why Ai didn’t just continue after his solo album, Confusion, but he decided to go back to the band-format with confusingly-named Darrell. This album is then, incidentally, mostly Deathgaze covers. It brings the production into the new era and gives you a lot of nostalgic love for old hits. Recommended Tracks: Brilliant Death, Evoke the World, Abyss. 

20. Alice Nine’s Fuyajou Eden & Kuro to Wonderland: Neither album was particularly long, in fact these were glorified EPs that could’ve been merged to one two-sided LP, but in either case... Both albums had something really special to offer and felt like a true comeback after years of name changes and finally going back to their original, kanji-styled name. Recommended Tracks: Kakumei Kaika -Revolutionary Blooming-, Testament, Replica, Glow. 

19. Mucc’s Aku: This album felt very long in the making after a series of weird singles that didn’t feel like they were going anywhere. Ultimately, a lot of those singles did not make the album including my favorite one: Taboo. The resulting album, though, did feel very cohesive and thematic and even featured one of this year’s heavy hitters: Hazuki. Recommended Tracks: Aku -Justice-, Memai, Ameria. 

18. Miley Cyrus’s Plastic Hearts: This person is absolutely one of my favorite people in music. I’m pretty sure they have comeout as genderfluid/non-binary, so I want to stick with safe pronouns, just in case. However, they’ve always been a favorite and as they’ve come out as such a champion for the LGBT, I love them even more. The album though gave me a lot of hype for something very 80′s rock, but didn’t quite give me what I expected. All in all, the music was fantastic, just a little off-beat from expectations. Recommended Tracks: Gimme What I Want, Angels Like You, WTF Do I Know. 

17. Rina Sawayama’s Sawayama: I didn’t expect to fall in love with this girl the way I did. My boyfriend recommended “STFU” to me as kind of a joke because the song discusses a lot of Asian racism that I’m always criticizing people in my life for falling into, but then the song was so bad ass I checked out the album. There were so many different types of music on it and she really did a good job with all of them. Then, with the deluxe edition coming out and the hardcore club banger “Lucid” being involved... Just really brought it all home. Recommended Tracks: Tokyo Love Hotel, Lucid, Fuck This World. 

16. Amber Liu’s X: This was just an EP, but every song on it was great. Amber Liu was from f(x), a K-Pop Icon Group, but she always seemed like the odd one out. She was such a tomboy, so silly and funny all the time, and didn’t really behave like other Korean idols. I mean, really, she isn’t actually even Korean. I believe she’s Chinese American. In either case, the EP really noted some of her own personal strugles in the business and also remaining pretty fun at parts too. I saw her live in Philly before COVID-19 and she was truly excellent. Recommended Tracks: Numb, Stay Calm, Other People. 

15. Blackpink’s The Album: Not much of an album at only 8 tracks, but that’s K-Pop for you. I bet next year I’ll be putting “Blackpink’s The Album: Repackage” on my top 25 list. The quality of the music was pretty dope though, all things considered. It was a very solid debut effort with all of their previous songs being somewhere in the same lane as this one. I still kind of believe they are a reminder of what 2NE1 could have been, but they’re doing well enough on their own. Recommended Tracks: Ice Cream, Lovesick Girls, Pretty Savage. 

14. Hazuki’s Year Over All: Kind of a weird way to word it, but Hazuki basically released two albums this year in different formats. His work with his band, Lynch., was pretty magnificent. I’m not one to usually dwell on a Lynch. album. Their singles or featured tracks are what I usually get into, but the actual album (Ultima) really did a good job of showing how versatile Hazuki can be. His solo album, Souen -Funeral-, was an entirely stripped down, gothic orchestral album of Lynch. covers and other J-Hard Rock artists. Hearing it done like this was almost transcendental. Recommended Tracks: Xero, Idol, Ray, D.A.R.K. 

13. Sam Smith’s Love Goes: They had me scared that their album wasn’t coming this year once they pushed it back, back in May. Then again, at the time, an album called “To Die For” was probably super tone deaf. In any case, literally every single released for this album had me in love. So, when they all got included in the final version, I was thrilled. Sam gave us a bonus song after the album as well, but I can see why that one didn’t get on. In any case, this is a huge step up from “The Thrill of it All,” which I didn’t really care for. Recommended Tracks: Another One, Dance (’Til You Love Someone Else), Forgive Myself. 

12. Troye Sivan’s In A Dream: I love this kid. He’s so gay and so not shy about it and it really makes me smile. The EP comes after his last LP, Bloom, where the title track basically talks about bottoming for the first time and this new EP deals with a few other queer issues over weirdly produced beats that just... make sense. Recommended tracks: Stud, In A Dream, Easy. 

11. Matenrou Opera’s Chronos: Unfortunately, this band just lost their guitarist again. Their original, Anzi, was basically the most consummate guitarist in the visual kei scene that wasn’t Hizaki and he left them. Their sound wasn’t quite right since and they seemed to just get it back with Chronos when Jay left them. I guess we’ll see what they do next, but I think Chronos could be their last great release. Recommended Tracks: Chronos, Silence, Reminiscence. 

10. BoA’s Better: A very recent release that hasn’t had much time for me to digest. This is strange for me to put it so high on my list for that reason, but BoA is one of my all time favorites. She never disappoints me. This album was no different. It wasn’t exactly up to par with “Woman” or “Watashi Kono Mama de Ii no Kana,” but it definitely gave us some new and very iconic Queen BoA bangers. Recommended Tracks: Cut Me Off, Start Over, Temptations. 

9. Kesha’s High Road: A semi-step down from Rainbow, only because a lot of the same melodic elements and, sometimes, even beats were used on this album too. However, her vocal performance was outstanding and she even gave us a new dirty-pop song with some interesting indie-pop tracks to go with it. Plus, who doesn’t love a Big Freedia feature? Recommended Tracks: Resentment, Raising Hell, Tonight. 

8. Lady Gaga’s Chromatica: Anyone who knows me knows I don’t really love Gaga anymore. After all the drama with Madonna and her experimentation with “Joanne” I didn’t think I’d ever like her music again. However, she definitely won back big points for me on Chromatica. It was finally fun, weird, dancey, and then simultaneously emotional and I was really able to get back into it. She’s always had the voice, but on this one it also showed us that she still has what made us love her. Recommended Tracks: Rain On Me, Plastic Doll, Enigma. 

7. Koda Kumi’s My Name Is... Angel + Monster: She is, very likely, my Japanese Pop Queen. She always makes these absolutely outlandish bangers of dance tracks that have such a great attitude and beat and when she released re(CORD)... last year? 2018? Who can remember... I thought she could never outdo herself. Then she released “Lucky Star” and I was floored. I was a bit disappointed when they were only to promote a “My Name Is...” collection album, but then, to my surprise, a full set of new tracks came out just after that just blew me entirely away. Guess the last 6 albums must be pretty great, huh? Recommended tracks: Killer Monster, Work It!, Alarm. 

6. Grimes’ Miss Anthropocene: I’ve never been a big fan of Grimes, but when Violence came out I was really looking forward to whatever album this was going to end up promoting. The song is actual fire, but then the LP ended up being some kind of experimental Gothic Pop with Asian Pop influences I never expected. I doubt I’ll ever find something she does this good ever again, but it was really a musical light in the darkness of this year. Recommended tracks: Darkseid, Delete Forever, Violence. 

5. Kylie Minogue’s Disco: Admittedly, my draw to Kylie has always been that she is like some kind of Australian Madonna. Madonna being one of my all time favorite artists... In fact, number 2 for all women I listen to, Kylie has some big shoes to fill with her sometimes generic pop that she puts out. However, I haven’t really truly loved a Kylie song since “Get Outta My Way” and then this album comes out filled with tracks to love for the rest of time. Recommended Tracks: Miss A Thing, Till You Love Somebody, Magic. 

4. Chanmina’s Notebook/Angel: I don’t have really any way of knowing how popular Chanmina is in Japan or if she is as popular in the Japanese Queer Scene as she should be, but god damn does she know what she’s doing. Her music is raunchy, bitchy, and condescending at it’s highest and deeply personal at it’s most mellow. There is no “lowest.” “Notebook” was a two-sided album and “Angel” a strong follow up EP, but all the recommended tracks are from “Notebook.” If you have not listened to “Picky”.... go do it now, I’ll wait. Recommended tracks: Picky, Baby, Lucy. 

3. The Weeknd’s After Hours: Incidentally, I got into The Weeknd after someone said something shitty about him here on Tumblr! I took their likely-valid criticism and went to check him out for myself and I gotta say, I love his work. The beats are literally always on point and his voice is like silk. This album provided more than a few iconic songs and I always can’t wait to see what he does next. Recommended Tracks: Alone Again, Heartless, Blinding Lights. 

2. Halsey’s Manic: The singles and features she did between Hopeless Fountain Kingdom and Manic gave me such insanely high hopes and I was not disappointed. HFK was a strong album of course, but this was near perfection for me. I think the production of this alt-pop album was the star of the show because it wasn’t all one way, there were heavy-bass songs, interesting piano riffs, striaght up punk rock, all of it. She really made an album quite like it’s namesake. Recommended Tracks: Ashley, Killing Boys, Still Learning. 

1. Dexcore’s Metempsychosis: A newcomer to the visual kei and death metal scene, they’ve been putting out single after single for years in preparation for their extemeley long and multidaceted debut album. With a total of about 33 songs, the entire second disc was rerecorded singles from their early days and some even got new lyrical treatment. The main series of songs were, of course, also totally flooring and all of the recommended tracks are the new ones. If you haven’t checked them out by now, you have to! Recommended tracks: Cibus, Scribble, Period.

[stonecoldjerseyfox]

Jersey on my mind (part 32)

From the front door of the building to the elevator there were fifteen steps. Fifteen steps that passed a counter and an orienteering board over the more than ten floor Brooklyn building. 

Just as every morning, Mila counted the steps. It had become a habit, just as she, before entering the elevator, began to unbutton her jacket. Inside the elevator she let out a lioness-que yawn as she parked herself against the back wall. Thankfully it had been a calm morning. Jim was already gone when her alarm yelled at her to ‘get her ass out of the bed’. Juri was already awake and parked in front of the tv, watching Clifford the Big Red Dog in his pajamas, which meant that Mila could take a shower before preparing his breakfast. While Juri ate his oatmeal with honey under a blanket on the couch, eyes glued to the tv screen and the happy, big red monster dog, Mila got dressed. Forty-five minutes later she dropped Juri at daycare, kissed him on the cheek and hurried off to work.  

The elevator stops with a soft thud and she steps out on the ninth floor and heads for the glass doors to the clinic. She’s let in by the receptionists and is welcomed by the constant scent of fresh cut flowers on the reception desk.

”Good morning, Saif. Morning Vanessa.” Mila greets the always happy receptionist couple, lovebirds in real life, behind the counter as she passes through the empty reception. 

The dressing room is empty when she enters. Mila removes her workwear, the slightly fancier than nurses-scrubs in a sophisticated shade of grey, from her locker. She leaves the white coat on its hook (it’s way too formal) and drops the bright pink Adidas trainers on the floor with a thud before starting to undress. They switch between the grey scrubs and plain white every other week; head dentist and dental practice owner Said Kadeem thought it would be a ‘edgy, yet fun way to brand themselves as a fun clinic’. In reality he just couldn’t decide which color he thought looked best. It’s the same with his morning-, lunch- and afternoon coffee; with or without milk? He can stand in front of the machine for hours it seems, with his forehead wrinkled together in concentration to make his mind up. 

I’d die for a cup of plain, as black as fucking possible-coffee right now, Mila thinks as she pulls the grey pants over her hot pink thongs, reminding herself to do the laundry when she gets home. Putting milk into a cup of coffee is a crime if anything. She steps into the trainers and pulls the top over her head. She gives herself a last look in the mirror and adjusts her ponytail, before leaving the changing room, entering the break room. It’s not a luxurious clinic; no celebrity clients wearing bigger than their face-sunglasses or heavy politicians with a tail of bodyguards, but it’s one of the best private dental clinics in the area, which makes the staff spaces and benefits really generous. 

Gotta get some luxury treatment for making it through university with a toddler at home, Mila thinks to herself and steers toward the coffee machine. She greets her colleagues, who are already parked at the table with coffee mugs in front of them, everybody except Lauryn, who’s entire face is hidden behind a huge Starbucks blonde vanilla latte with extra vanilla and coffee plus caramel.

”Rough night?” Mila asks. 

”Never turn thirty.” Lauryn Cassidy groans and puts down the ginormous drink on the table. The bags under her eyes scream ’we need to rest you fucker’. ”Why am I even here today?”

”You’re thirty and responsible.” Kristian Shaffer responds. ”I’m impressed.”

Lauryn groans again.

”I liked myself better two days ago, when I was twenty-nine and carefree.” 

”Remind me to take the day off after my thirtieth birthday then.” Sarah Preston says and pours a pack of raw brown sugar into her coffee mug. 

”Gosh, I’m glad I’ve been there, done that.” Riley Palmer sighs and leans back into his chair. He puts his hands behind his head and flexes his biceps. ”Trust me, thirty is the new twenty.”

”My god such bullcrap!” sterile nurse Ava Cooper rolls her eyes at Riley’s remark. ”It’s almost as bad as that ugly ’carpe diem’ tattoo.”

”What?” Riley looks at Ava, then at his biceps, where ’carpe diem’ is imprinted on his skin with black ink, in a barely readable font. ”What’s wrong with that? It’s inspiring. Like, a mental note that-”

”Ey, we know what it means.” Mila interrupts him. ”And it’s ugly.”

Riley doesn’t get a chance to reply. Kadeem enters the room and a glued-on, convivial atmosphere settles across the table in the blink of an eye. It’s for the best not to quarrel in front of the boss. 

”Preston-” Kadeem announces and points with his whole arm at Sarah. “Hallie Reynolds called and cancelled Phillips’ appointment this afternoon.” 

”Is Phillip the one with the ears?” Lauryn looks at Aaisha to get answers, but the angelic Aaisha only bursts into a muffled giggle.

”No, that’s Lennox. You know, Dumbo.”

”Christ sake, Riley, stop giving my patients names.” Sarah gives Riley the evil eye and slaps him on his upper arm.

”Sergeyevna, you’re on your own this morning, I need to borrow Aaisha for some drilling.”

Mila and Aaisha look at each other. Kadeem loves his job, but most of all he loves a good drilling. Well, there goes that calm morning; making eye contact over the patients, joking around, singing along to the radio and Aaisha’s regular 11 am stretch, combined with: ”I’m gonna go down to the juice bar, you want anything?”

”Fine.” Mila replies to her superior in white. 

”And please, tone down that bluntness today, will you?” Kadeem pleats. ”We can’t have more body builders leaving the clinic crying. Everyone is bad at dental health and everybody knows it, you don’t have to tell them.”

”I thought that was my job?” 

”Our job is to dig around their mouths, smile and tell them to floss properly. And charge for doing so.” Kadeem turns to the coffee machine, which is the start of his first, dreadful choice of the day; milk, or no milk. ”Frankly, I don’t know how you seem to get them to come back every 6 months.”

”Witchcraft.” 

”Really?” Kristian puts his head to his side and grins at her. ”Thought it was your radiant, bubbly personality?”

“Nope, that’s Cooper and Cassidy.” Kadeem says, without taking his eyes off the coffee machine. “Sergeyevna is like me. It’s in our culture.”

Yeah, the much well known, yet tremendously rare Moscow-Russian and Shiraz-Iranian-culture. Mila smiles a little. As soon as it became clear to Kadeem during her first interview that she was a relatively fresh immigrant, he became overjoyed and felt an almost unreasonable bond with her. Sure, they are both honest and forthright, but that’s more likely a personal trait. Otherwise they are like night and day. But she likes him, he’s a good boss. And his wife makes a hell of a baklava, not to speak of the kletcha.

As the clock strikes nine they simultaneously leave the break room and heads for their offices and treatment rooms. Mila turns on the lights, cranks up the radio and looks out of the window with her cup of coffee steadily in her hand. Another workday. She puts the mug down at the counter as she hears steps approaching. In the next moment, Vanessa appears in the door, followed by her first patient of the morning, Mr. Hardin.

“Mr. Hardin, nice to see you again.” Mila gives her patient a bright smile and takes his hand, gives it a firm shake. “How are you doing?” 

She makes a gesture to offer him to sit down in the actually quite comfy dentist chair. She has taken quite a few naps in them after her lunch break since she started working at the clinic.

“Same old, same old.” The man with thinning hair sits down and shrugs at her. “At least I got the health.”

“I’m glad to hear.” Mila replies. “How’s Irene? Must be busy times now?” 

“Yeah she’s got her ass full- sorry.”

“No worries. I bet.” Mila takes a seat in her rolling, saddle chair and rolls up to the computer, where she starts to fill in the patient file. ’Hardin, Mark. Regular checkup. Tartar removal’. Same old, same old. “So, just a checkup today.”

“Correct.” mr. Hardin says. ”How’s the kid? Juri, wasn’t it?”

“Yup, indeed.” Mila replies as she takes two pale blue rubber gloves from its box. “He’s doing well.”

“Is he walking yet?”

”More like running.” Mila focuses on the framed photography on the wall, picturing a tropical beach with clear blue turquoise water. Holy crap, he’s growing up so fast, she thinks as she pulls the gloves over her hands. “He’s been on the run for awhile now. Just as I was apparently.” 

“They grow fast.” Mr. Hardin shakes his head, as if he can’t believe the basic biology of humans, and leans back in the chair. “But you’re young and healthy. That’s good. This virus, huh?”

“Yeah it’s really strange- Scoot, please.” Mila instructs her patient before continuing to check the tray on her cart, making sure all of her tools are in place. “Great.”

“Both New York Presbyterian and Mount Sinai West are soon overrun. I mean, if that doesn’t sound serious I don’t know what does. Irene’s working double shifts at Langone here in Brooklyn and they still seem to get more and more deaths each day. I think the death toll was, about 70 yesterday, and that’s just Langone. Must be like, 300 in New York alone.”

“Mhm, it’s horrible.” Mila replies monotonously, while scrolling through the x-ray of Mr. Hardin’s lower row of teeth from his appointment the year prior. She’s been trying her best to live life as normal as possible despite the deadly virus. Life has to continue, somehow. “Do you have any issues with sensitivity? Pain?”

“No, just tartar. Like, a lot. Irene found these small pieces in the sink-“

“We’ll fix that today.” Mila says quickly and gives her patient a radiant smile. She doesn’t need, or want, to hear what poor Irene Hardin found in the sink. She’s got a pretty good clue. “You’ve quit smoking yet?”

She turns and looks at Mr. Hardin, who’s shoulder goes up to his ears. He transforms from his regular, very accountant-self (because that’s what he is) to an ashamed puppy in the clinical chair. Mila shakes her head at him, smacking with her tongue. Mila turns to the radio and increases the volume of Angus Young’s voice wailin “You’ve been thunderstruck” to the more than famous guitar tapping. 

”Ah. This is why I like going here.” Mr. Hardin says with a smile and points at the radio. ”I listen to NYC Rock in the car, every day.”

“Okay mr. Hardin, let’s rock and roll.” Mila pulls the sterile face mask over her nose. It smells clinical and plastic. She grabs the probe and the mirror and smiles with her eyes at mr. Hardin from underneath the mask. 

She starts to work. It’s a regular day. Not too hot, not too cold. The sun is shining into the office and Angus Young continues to blast out that they’ve been struck by thunder, about a billion times. The only thing that looks like its’ been struck by something is her patient's teeth. What on god’s earth is he doing during the nights? Chewing bricks?

”Mr. Hardin, are you tense?” Mila asks. 

”Howch do choo do chiiit?!” Mr. Hardin manages to utter, with both wide eyes and wide open mouth. ”Schee, chish isch wchy I gcho cher! Ycho are likche a cheraphchist-”

Mila sighs and removes the tools from his mouth. 

”No, Mr. Hardin. You grind your teeth, bad. They look awful. Stop it or you won’t have teeth left.”

”Oh.” He replies and swallows, then bursts into a smile again. ”But you see, this is why I go to you and not that crappy Family smile clinic down in Brownsville, that Irene goes to. Honesty, blunt honesty. I like that.”

”Good to know.” Mila says and signs at him to open his mouth again, to let her continue working on that tartar. ”Not everybody does. I once made one of those body builder’s cry because I scolded him for not brushing his teeth right.” 

Yeah she was pretty hard on that poor guy, but honestly, his gums looked like minced meat. Mr. Hardin smiles as best as he can with his mouth wide open.

The next song is by The Hellacopters, which makes her smile once again underneath the mask. She saw them perform, one of their last appearances, with Darya a couple of years ago. But suddenly, in the middle of ”-hey boy, you understand. Say your prayers, or you'll be damned-” the song’s interrupted by the breaking news-jingle. 

”We’re interrupting with some disturbing news from downtown Manhattan, where chaos has erupted outside Mount Sinai’s hospital.” 

Mila pauses in a movement and glances at the radio. 

”Police have been called to the morgue where the-”newscaster seems to be groping for words, as if he himself does not believe what to say. “The dead seem to have woken up.”

It is only thanks to the slightly sticky gloves, which hug around the tools, that Mila doesn’t drop them in Mr. Hardin's mouth, at that proclamation.

”Police began firing shots as the bodies- patients, began to attack civilians and medical staff.”

Mila returns to the tartar, but she can’t focus entirely on Mr. Hardin’s hardcore tartar infestation, even though it’s an astonishing collection; if Aaisha hadn’t been asked to help Kadeem out, she’d been sitting on the opposite side of Mila, and her big brown eyes would have been bigger than usual by excitement. It’s surely a dentist thing only, being excited by tartar. Mila tries her best to stay focused, but her mind drifts off to the radio and the rise of the living dead, where the ’on the spot’-broadcaster now interviews a doctor from Mount Sinai. 

“-at least ten former patients, declared dead during the week, escaped the morgue and attacked people on the street. Dr. Berkowitz, head of ICU, can you explain what just happened?” 

”I don’t know.”

“Were the patients in a coma?”

“No.”

”Dr. Berkowitz, did you or any of your staff, by any chance, make a mistake?”

”No, as I said, they were deceased. Dead.”

”You’re sure?”

”Yes, ofcourse.”

Mr. Hardin makes a gesture with his hand and Mila removes the tools from his mouth. 

”Turn up the volume.” He says and rises on his elbows. 

Mila obeys, reaches for the radio and turns the volume wheel up a notch. 

“How do you explain the situation, then?” the interviewer asks, now louder than before. He sounds more and more irritated, or afraid, Mila can’t really know the difference. “Dead patients suddenly... awakes?”

“I can’t.”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Berkowitz, we have to- We get disturbing breaking news from Weill Cornell Medical Center that- what!?” The interviewer exclaims, as if he can’t comprehend what he’s hearing from the third party in his ear. ”Okay, ehrm- we get news that a similar incident occurs right now at Weill Cornell. I repeat, Weill Cornell. Police have been dispatched to the spot and civilians on the street have taken shelter in nearby shops and restaurants. It’s been confirmed that eight- no, nine, people have been injured and a woman has deceased, by severe blood loss. I repeat, one woman is dead and lying in the street. According to eyewitnesses- Neil, you sure about that?” The interviewer asks. “Sorry. Eye witnesses claim that the woman, and I’m sorry about this, is being eaten by the deceased. If you’re in the neighborhood, do not go outside, I repeat; do not-”

Both Mila and Mr. Hardin stare at the radio under complete dead silence. The tools are frozen in her hands and her heart beats hard inside the grey scrubs. 

“I gotta-” Mr. Hardin swallows. “I- I need to call Irene.”

“Yeah..” Mila replies. A rush of sickness runs over her. Is the room suddenly swaying, or is she just, overwhelmed? Is this real? She casts a glance at Mr. Hardin, who climbs out of the leaned back chair, still with the pale blue plastic sheet around his neck. “Yeah, go ahead.”

He leaves the room. Mila hears him talk on his phone outside the door. Should she call someone? Her mind wanders to Juri and mama first. With trembling hands Mila picks up the phone from her pocket, unlocks it and goes into the messages. She changes the alphabet to cyrillic starts dictating a text message to mama. In order not to worry her beloved mama more than necessary, she simply writes: ‘Good morning mamochka. How are you today? Love you.’ 

She presses ‘send’ and then finds her way to the contacts, where she quickly finds ‘Jim’. Signals are heard. She spins in her chair, faces the window. He picks up the phone at the fourth dial. 

“Cricket.” Jim greets her. His warm, amazing smile is felt through the phone and instantly calms her soul. 

“Thank goodness.” Mila sighs and massages her forehead. “Hi.”

Jim chuckles on the other end. She can see him clearly in front of her. Black suit and white shirt. He’s just had a haircut and said bye bye to the ponytail. Tall, handsome beyond comparison. Probably with his tenth cup of coffee of the day in his hand. It’s a miracle he can keep his cool with that much caffeine in his system. 

“Hi.” He replies softly. “What a pleasant surprise. Does milady want to hire a personal security guard?”

She can’t help but smile like an idiot. 

“I can offer a very favorable package price.” Jim continues. “Annually. How about ... ten years? Initially.”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

Through the phone, she can really picture how one of Jim’s eyebrows starts to go up, towards his forehead. Usually she plays along with his shenanigans and jokes, but she can’t. Not now. 

“You’re on speaker or something?” He asks. 

“No. No, sorry. I’m not.” Mila replies and sighs. “Have you heard?”

“Nope. Or, depends on what I’ve missed. What's the talk of the town?”

“You’re nearby a tv or a computer?”

“I’m in the office. Hold on.” Jim starts tapping on the computer. Mila hears the rustle of the buttons in the background. “Oh. That’s-” Jim pauses and reads. “All of them died of the virus?”

“Apparently.” 

“I’d say it was a mistake by the hospital, if not- but...” he pauses. “‘New York Times reports that it’s more than twenty patients. Could be more.’ What the-”

“What’s happening?” Mila asks, can’t conceal her feel of discomfort. 

“Dunno.” Jim says. “Hey, I can get off work by-” he pauses, as to looking at his watch. “I’ll pick Juri up earlier, in about two hours. I’m sure he’s fine but, just in case. We’ll fix dinner.”

What have I done to deserve this guy, Mila thinks inside her head. 

“I love you.”

“You love me for my incredible mashed potatoes.” Jim grins through the phone. “Love you Cricket. It’s gonna be fine.”

.

.

Taglist: @lonewolf471 @twdeadfanfic

[radicalreliablerandomness]

(it was 2 long 2 paste in the post lmao)

barry b benson x adam flayman

TW BEE SUICIDE ATTEMPT

adam sat upon the flower, observing the people around him. humans were so fucking stupid, honestly. like who the fuck would think that it was a good idea to put peanut butter and jelly in a sandwich together, when honey would compliment the jelly so much better? idiots. watching as a mother slathered her child with what seemed like way too much suncream, adam could not help but ponder how barry fell for one of these disgusting creatures. and one who looks like theresa may, none the less! barry had bad taste in the bitches if he did say so himself. although that was hippocritical for the bee who was in love with the bee who was in love with a human who looked like fiona from shrek in a human au. wait no, thats unfair on fiona, shes waaaaaayy better looking than that dumpster fire, bitch ass, boris johnson looking hoe with her short ass hair and stupid name. vanessa. ugh- even saying it made adam throw up in his mouth. vanes-augh. [wait can bees even throw up? eh, probably. what would they do if they accidentally ate a bit of a mARMITE otherwise,? that shit be nasty.] cant barry just requite his love and fuck him already? like, this isnt some angsty, 270k+, friends to lovers to enemies to lovers to friends to enemies to lovers fanfiction trope. it isnt 2004 people! sighing, adam ran a hand through his //moist// fuzz and thought about just jumping off of the flower and ending it all. after all, it was a rose, his brother's girlfriends step sister's son was killed by one of those. eh, whats he got to lose? like an alpha male, he triple flipped off of the rose, his small body getting closer to the thorns as every second passed, waiting for them to penetrate him. (ha, shame itd be the roses doing that and not barry, eh? ;))) until they didnt. what the fuck? he was meant to be dead and no longer have to face his unrequited love for his best friend and the fact that his mother was making him go on a vegan diet. (apparently cannabalism 'isnt good for his mental health.' well look where my mental health has gotten me now kAREN.) adams musings were interrupted by a voice. "jesus christ adam what the hell were you thinking?"

barry? barry had saved him? oh. well of course he had, barry was so fucking perfect with his black and yellow stripes and his sexy voice. goddamit, why did he have to have a nice personality too? why couldnt he just be an asshole fuck boy? "adam, can you hear me there buddy?"

buddy? ugh. i just got r/friendzoned.

"ugh yeah barry-buddy- i can hear you"

"great. now wHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING ADAM? YOU COULDVE DIED. DIED! YOU WOULD BE DEAD AND ID NEVER BE ABLE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I-" barry broke down into sobs as adam patted his back gently, wondering what barry wanted to tell him.

"barry, its okay- you saved me. im here now and you can say whatever you wish."

"adam i- i- fuck."

"take your time, love. its okay"

barry looked at adam strangely as he realised what he had just said. LOVE? SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING?

"adam i love you."

adam waited; and waited; and waited. this had to be a joke. a cruel friendzoning or a shout of no homo afterwards. but barry was silent, looking everywhere but at him.

"-and" barry continued, finally locking his eyes with his sunlight struck orbs of amber.

"i know you love me too."

adam stared at barry, transfixed on the bee in front of him, the bee that he loved. how did barry know? apart from the slip up a second ago, he had done a pretty good job at keeping his emotions hidden. he was just a dude chilling in a honey tub, five feet away from barry because he wasnt gay. then it hit him, like a truck hitting a fox.

"sonofabitch you read my dream journal."

barry looked at him sheepishly, with guilt ridden eyes.

"well you left your diary at my house. and i read those pages, you really love me baby..."

adam coughed, trying to hide a splutter at the fact that barry had just called him baby. this bee was going to be the death of him.

"ha, yes-well. i- it is true. i do love you barry."

barrys face immediately broke out into a grin as he brought adam into a tight hug, clinging onto adam as if he were going to discintegrate, like voldemort in the deathly hallows movie despite the fact that in the books he just died like a normal fucking person. thanks hollywood. anyway, adam buried his face in barrys fuzz, finally at peace.

"waIT!" he screamed suddenly, pulling away.

"what?" barry answered, looking slightly scared for his life.

"what about vanessa?"

last time hed seen barry hed been infatuated with the she-demon, wtf happened? was barry fucking with him. he didnt want that. barry should be fucking him not fucking with him. what if-

"oh her? yeah she poured milk before her cereal. crazy bitch" barry stated, wrapping his fingers in adams fuzz.

adam giggled, relieved that this wasnt just a joke.

"yeah, i always got those kinda vibes from her."

he turned to see barry smiling softly up at him.

"yeah, i should have realised sooner."

and with that he was back in barrys arms, never wanting to leave.

IM CRINGEING BUT AT LEAST IM NOT A COWARD

“YOU READ MY DREAM JOURNAL” I AM ACTUALLY DYING OF LAUGHTER NOW THANK YOU FOR YOUR BRAVERY KIND SIR THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST PART OF THE DAY OH MYGOD I CANT ALSO PLEASE DONT BASH PB AND J ITS AMAZING 

[lumiolivier]

The Good Old Days Chapter Ten:  My Brother Sold Me Out...

A/N:  Hi, friends!  I don’t know why, but I got such a soft spot in my heart for this man.  Especially in this chapter.  I know when you think about Frankie, he doesn’t necessarily come off as the ball of sunshine type, but there’s one thing that can bring that out in him.  Well, two things, but you already know about the other one.  Anyway, here.  Have a chapter.

ICYMI: Chapter Nine:  Beauty and the Streets

I’m not sure if it’s the caffeine that’s got me damn near skipping down the street or the genuine excitement in my heart that’s got me damn near skipping down the street, but there’s no way in hell anything can get to me.  I knew exactly what it was.  Not what I had in my cup, but who sat across from me.  I shared a cookie with her.  I know it sounds so pure and innocent, but I would gladly share a cookie with Vanessa any time she wanted.  We only had barely an hour together, but fuck, I wanted to do it again.

 I couldn’t be happier. A new, good job, a family that loves me unconditionally, and now, the possibility of a princess like her in my life. Is this finally it?  Is this the light at the end of the tunnel?  God figured I’ve suffered enough, so He sent me an angel?  I don’t know how or why Vanessa was put in my path, but fuck I’m glad she was.  It was one date.  Just one!  And she already had me like this.  What in the hell has the world come to?

 “Mama!” I called into our apartment where César was comfortably nestled in the couch.  I got a subtle nod out of him, “I’m home!”

 “Hola niño,” Mama came to the door, kissing my cheek.  But then, she froze.  Not in fear or anything like that.  More so out of sheer curiosity.  She leaned into me, “Francisco…”

 “Si, Mama?”

 “Why do you smell so nice?” she wondered, “You smell like hotel rooms I’ve cleaned.”

 “What?” Damn Mama’s bloodhound nose.  And even more so, mi hermano laughing his ass off.  Well, in my defense, I was in a ritzy ass department store with the Old Man today, but I’m sure she’d bitch at me, saying we could’ve gotten so many months of groceries on my vanity, “That’s kind of a weird question, Mama.”

 “It’s probably Vanessa,” César came down just enough to slam his own coffin shut.  I may kill my brother later.  We share a bedroom.  One quick pillow is all it would take.

 “Who’s Vanessa?” Mama stared me down.  Oh, shit. I’m fucked.  Because I know how Mama can be.  Especially when it comes to her baby.  Mama knows my track record with women.  And with every passing notch in my bedpost, she grows more and more skeptical.  Along with her skepticism comes her need to get involved.  I like Vanessa.  I don’t want to scare her off.  And I really don’t want Mama to be the one to scare her off.

 “She’s a new friend,” I went into the kitchen and grabbed a soda out of the fridge.  There.  That should be enough for Mama to latch onto.  That should be the end of it.  For the most part anyway.  At least I sure as fuck hope so.

 “Is she a special friend?” Nope.  Fuck. Dammit, Mama.  I love you.  I really do. But I don’t know where Vanessa and I are going.  I didn’t need her sniffing around it too much.

 “She might be,” I admitted, “But it’s still pretty new.  We’ll see.”

 “So…” Mama assumed, “I meet her soon, yes?”

 “We’re not quite there yet.” In that moment, I knew I signed my own death warrant.  Saying no to Mama was like spitting in the face of God. I’m sure she wouldn’t say the same, but it came pretty damn close.  But I realized how fucked I was even more when Mama’s face slowly fell into an angry scowl.  Oh, yeah. I’m boned.

 “Francisco…” she growled, “I meet her soon.”

 “You will meet her,” I promised, “Holding her hands, “All I’m asking is for a little patience.”

 “Francisco…”

 “I swear to you, Mama,” I begged, “A girl like her is totally worth waiting for.  One day, I have no doubt you’ll meet her and fall in love with her.  Just give it some time, ok?”

 “Francisco…” Mama leaned in once more, “She smells expensive.”

 “I’m thinking she comes from money.” Mama glared daggers into me.  Fuck…I had to cover my tracks.  If Mama goes to meet Vanessa with a bad taste in her mouth already, she won’t even give Vanessa the time of day.  And I’m sure it’d make for an awkward Christmas, “No.  I know what you’re thinking.  She’s not that kind of comes from money.  She’s sweet, Mama…And smart…Y muy hermosa…”

 Mama started to ease up. Just a little.  Just enough to make herself comfortable, “Es tu corazón, mijo?”

 “Tal vez,” I admitted, “Just…Give it some time.  Please?”

 I could see it all over her face.  Mama’s impatience was all over it.  But she knew. Just from the way I gush about her, she knows she’s special, “Ok.”

 “Muchas gracias, Mama,” I kissed her cheek, “I need to go see the Old Man.  I’ll be back later.”

 “Ok,” she let me go, “Te amo.”

 “Te amo, tambien, Mama,” I threw my arms around her, making sure to extend a sturdy middle finger to my asshole brother behind her back.

 “Hey, Frankie,” César sat up, “Is the Old Man going to need us later?”

 “I doubt it,” I wasn’t in the mood to deal with babysitting detail tonight.  Granted, I knew I was still relatively new, but I picked up on the job a lot faster than I thought I would.  And I’m sure whatever the Old Man had for me, I was more than capable of handling it on my own, “Hasta luego.”

 I left my mother and my brother, curious as to where Tony ran off to.  He wouldn’t have done something stupid like go into work early tonight, would he?  No.  We all made a pact when we started working the restaurant that we’d never go in early if they asked.  Overtime at the end of the day?  Oh, yeah.  We’ve all fallen victim to that once or twice.  But never go in early.  However, this new job down in the Narrows?  That one I’d be more than happy to go in early for.  Mostly because the Old Man and I got along like a house on fire.

 It’s weird.  This bar was starting to feel like a second home to me. Even though I could see the first one from here.  It’s not like it was very far.  Much better than the half hour train ride.  So much better.  And I’m not treated like shit, so that’s a plus.  I’ll call that a trade up.  But instead of comparing apples and oranges, I think I had an office door to go not knock on!  I learned. I didn’t have to knock on the old man’s door.  Although the right and polite thing to do, I was good.

 “Hiya, boss,” I sat on the business side of his desk.

 “Frankie!” the Old Man chimed, “Always a pleasure to see you, kid.”

 “Ditto,” I gave him a nod. Like I said, the Old Man has always taken a strange shine to me.  Since day one.  I didn’t get it, but maybe I didn’t have to, “So, what do you got for me this fine evening?”

 “Another collection job, if you’re up for it,” he told me, writing some things down, “Nothing too difficult.”

 “Sounds easy enough,” I wish the Old Man would put me on something a little more…Well…Something better than collections.  I got a skillset here that’s being grossly underutilized here, “Where to?”

 “A couple restaurants, a tattoo shop, and a club,” the Old Man slid the list across his desk, “I’m giving you a five hundred dollar limit tonight, so if you’re looking to enjoy yourself a little bit, I can look the other way for a bit.”

 “Old Man,” I know I hadn’t been here long, but I knew better than that, “I know damn well you’d be throwing one back with me.  Don’t give me that you’ll look the other way bullshit.”

 “You’re not wrong, kid,” he agreed, “But you do seem a little wound up.  Speaking of shit that’s got you wound up!  How’d it go with Vanessa today?”

 “Great!” I wasn’t going to hold back.  The Old Man gave me an in to gush over Vanessa and dammit, I’m taking it, “It was amazing.  I mean, she had to go early, but…”

 “Hold on,” he stopped me, “Did she have to go early or did she need to go early?”

 “She had to,” I clarified, “She had a communications class she needed to get to.  She’s smart, Old Man.  She’s so fucking smart.”

 “Do you know where she’s going to school?” he wondered.

 “Somewhere in Manhattan,” I remembered, “But according to her sister, she looks for every opportunity to come to Williamsburg.  I don’t know why, but that might be a good thing.”

 “That’s definitely a good thing,” the Old Man applauded, “And now, she’s got another excuse to come down here.  What’s her major?”

 “She’s pre-law,” I melted inside, “She’s on the fence about her practice, though.  She’s bouncing between estate law and becoming a defense attorney.”

 “Get her to lean all the way to defense attorney,” the Old Man insisted, “Someone’s looking to the future, isn’t he?”

 “What do you mean?”

 “Come on, Frankie,” he gave me a little nudge, “If she goes down the defense attorney route and you two end up getting married, then you’ll always have someone to keep your ass out of jail.  Especially in our line of work.”

 “I thought you said what we did was relatively on the up and up,” I pointed out.

 “Yeah,” he nodded, “Relatively on the up and up.  Sometimes, that line between legal and not so legal is a big gray area.  Sometimes, we need someone keeping our asses out of jail. And if Vanessa keeps her maiden name for her practice, then they can’t call her out on conflict of interests.”

 “I see I’m not the only one thinking ahead,” I chuckled to myself, “Jesus, Old Man, you sound like you’re already preparing to marry me off to this girl.  We’ve been on one date.”

 “It doesn’t sound like you’ve only been on one date,” he argued, “Has she said anything about the second date?”

 “I’m calling her tonight,” I admitted, “I like her, Old Man.  I like her a lot.  I’m sure she’s flawed somewhere, but for the most part, she’s absolutely perfect.”

 “Oh, Frankie,” the Old Man awed, “You’re adorable, kid.  You know what?  I’d almost like to meet the girl.  Just so I can see for myself what’s got you in such a jumbled mess.”

 “I wouldn’t say I’m a mess…” That was a lie.  I’m absolutely a mess for her.

 “Would you be ok with me meeting her?” he wondered.

 “Really?” I rolled my eyes, “That’s twice today!”

 “What do you mean?”

 “Mama,” I explained, “César the asshole outed me about Vanessa to Mama earlier today and she asked if she could meet her.  Well…I say ask.  Demand is more the word here.”

 “Your mother is definitely a force to be reckoned with,” the Old Man agreed, “But I understand. She meets Mama first.  By the way, how is Sariña?”

 “She’s fine,” I said bluntly, “Old Man…No.”

 “I know, I know,” he brushed me off, “But would that be something you’d be ok with?  Me meeting Vanessa?”

 “I’d have to run that by Vanessa,” I told him, “But I don’t see why not.”

 “Is she cute?”

 “She’s so cute,” I swooned. But then, I remembered who I was talking to.  The Old Man and I were good and he was a hell of a guy, but…Like I said.  I remembered who I was talking to, “No.  Old Man, I call dibs.  She’s mine.”

 “I wouldn’t even dream of it,” the Old Man promised, “I wouldn't’ do that to you, Frankie.  Even I’m better than that.  Besides, I have a limit.  And I’m pretty sure she’s half my age.  Cradle robbing to a certain extent is ok, but when I can vividly remember my twenties being the year she was born, that’s when it gets unsettling.”

 “It’s good to know you got a moral compass.”

 “Alright then,” the Old Man got up, “I do look forward to meeting Vanessa, but I understand if you want to wait a while.”

 “I’ll tell you the same thing I told Mama,” I reiterated, “It’s still too new.  When we got things better figured out, then we’ll see about meeting everyone.  I’m pretty sure everyone can agree on that.”

 “That’s not our decision to make.” Bless him.  Bless the Old Man.  He’s a hell of a lot more understanding than Mama was.  He didn’t jump on the defensive right away.  But I couldn’t tell Mama that.  It’d break her heart.  And I refused, “But go on, kid.  You got my money to get.  You got a girl to chat up.  Go on. Get to work.”

 “Got it, boss.” Now, with the Old Man’s collections list in my hand, where should I start?

[keanureevesisbae]

Mister Cavill, your dog is kinda fat - Chapter 2

Summary: Veterinarian Olivia Tran has zero time for bullshit. After becoming a mom at age twenty three, the one thing she wants is a good life for her daughter Vanessa. Her ex didn’t want anything to do with her nor the baby and she decided that man are officially banned out of her life. But then she meets Henry Cavill at her clinic and her ban slowly starts to crumble apart. Henry on the other hand is looking for one thing: a family. And when he meets Olivia Tran, he finds just that.

Henry Cavill x Olivia Tran (ofc)

Warnings: Mentions of vomit and blood.

Wordcount: 4.5k

A/N: Yesterday was like a dream, seeing the sweetest comments flood in. A big thank you to everyone xx If you still want to be on the taglist, it’s never too late, just tell me 🤗

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

There is one thing that Henry has always wanted in life and that was getting married and having a family of his own. Growing up with four brothers, he always envisioned himself being surround by a beautiful wife, with lots of kids.

But he has reached the age of thirty seven and though he hasn’t got a lot to worry about—his biological clock isn’t ticking—he thought that by now, he’d at least have a wife and one kid.

Now he only has Kal, his loyal canine that he adores with all his heart. He takes a sip of his beer, as he watches some lame romantic comedy. It’s Friday night and as a single man, he could be on a date of course, but his profession as an actor, makes it even harder to date.

Most women are either in it for the fame and his money.

He witnessed his relationships crumble apart and now he is back being single, sitting on the couch with his dog, staring at a television screen. Last year he was thinking about starting a family, but he pushed it aside, enjoying his life as an actor. The movies he did were going great, but after the latest movie he did…

It was kind of a flop. It didn’t meet up to the expectations of the public and since that moment, he has been living a quite boring life, not thinking about taking any other offers. He wakes up, walks Kal and thinks about ways to meet the love of his life.

Henry isn’t so sure anymore about his acting career.

His mind wanders during the movie. He thinks about a future with a wife and kids. He can already see it happening: he would roll over in bed, wrap his arms around the love of his life, to slowly wake her up, before their kids would rush into the room and jump on their bed. He can imagine his beautiful wife sitting on the kitchen counter, with a few mini versions of them sitting next to her, as he is cooking for the entire family.

Henry rubs his face, fatigue kicking in. He shuts off the television and gives the big bear a kiss on top of his head. ‘You want a little something to eat before you go to bed?’ he asks Kal.

Kal wags his tail as an answer, accompanied with a bark.

Henry can’t help but chuckle.

It can pretty hard training Kal, but with the right amount of snacks, this dog can listen to him. Sometimes he even thinks that Kal can read his mind.

They go to the kitchen and he gives him a little kibble before he sleeps. He opens up the newest Doggy Herb bag and notices a slight change in color, but he shrugs it off. He bought Doggy Herb since the day he got Kal, so maybe there is more meat in this one that in the previous ones. He throws some in a bowl and watches as Kal gulps it all up.

The two of them walk up the stairs when Kal is done eating and he gets himself ready for the night. Henry stares at the sink in the bathroom, noticing the space that is left, because he doesn’t have anyone to share it with.

Before he can feel totally sorry for himself, he spits out the toothpaste and walks to his bedroom. He strips down to his underwear and steps into the bed, Kal joining him on the sheets.

He watches Kal falling asleep almost instantly and hopefully Henry can do the same.

But he can’t.

His mind keeps racing, constantly racing. The terrible reviews of his latest movie, the way how women kept saying how they want to have his kids, but none of them is good enough. He wants to fall in love with someone, someone who understands him, who loves him for who he is. A woman that he has an instant connection with. A woman where he can be himself.

When he does fall asleep, Henry dreams about a faceless woman, who holds onto his hand, as they watch their little kids running around in the yard, Kal barking as he runs in between the giggling kids.

That’s all he wants.

Henry is about to give his faceless wife a kiss, when he wakes up from hurling sounds that definitely aren’t his. He opens his eyes, turns on the light on his nightstand, to see Kal puking out his kibble on the new carpet.

Great, exactly what he needs. This is why he can’t have new stuff.

Henry gets out of bed and sits next to his dog. ‘Bud, you okay?’ he asks, but Kal’s legs give out and he collapses to the floor. His eyes are still open, but he whimpers and his breathing isn’t going as steady as it normally is.

‘No, no, no, Kal,’ Henry says, panic dripping through every word he speaks. He tries to find his phone as quickly as possible and Googles ‘Animal Clinics London’. He calls three different clinics, but none are picking up, not even the one that he usually goes to. He sees one that is an hour away, but in all honesty, Henry would arrange a private jet to fly them off to a vet that did pick up the fucking phone and he didn’t even care if he had to travel to another continent.

The phone rings twice, before he hears: ‘Animal Clinic Westside, doctor Olivia Tran, how may I help you?’

The woman sounds friendly, that’s a good start. ‘Hello, I’m terribly sorry for calling at this hour, but my dog is vomiting and I see some blood in it. He collapsed and is breathing really heavily and I don’t know what to do.’

‘Sir, it’s okay,’ she says. ‘Did your dog eat anything out of the ordinary today?’

He doesn’t even know for sure. ‘Not that I know of.’

‘You think it’s possible for you to come to the clinic? I’d like to see the dog.’

‘Of course, of course,’ Henry says.

‘I hope it’s not too much to ask, but could you take some of the vomit with you? Especially the part with some blood. I’d like to check it.’

Doctor Olivia Tran could’ve asked him to bring three human kidneys and he’d bring it, anything for his Kal. ‘I’ll bring it with me, of course.’

‘What kind of breed is your dog, sir?’

‘An American Akita. His name is Kal.’ Henry strokes the fur of Kal, blinking away the tears.

‘I’ll be at the clinic in about forty minutes, mister…’

Henry picks up on what she’s trying to do. ‘Cavill and I can be at the clinic in about an hour.’

They hang up shortly afterwards and Kal lets out a soft whimper. ‘Hang in there, bud,’ he tells the dog. ‘You can’t die on me. You really can’t.’

≫≫≪≪

With a weak Kal in his arms, Henry rushes into the clinic, only to discover that doctor Tran is already waiting for him. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but he certainly wasn’t expecting her. He is mesmerized by her dark brown eyes, her perfect lips and her hair that’s in a messy bun, a few strands framing her face.

This woman is beyond beautiful. He can’t believe that someone like her is even real. The way she tilts her head, while she scans him shamelessly from top to bottom, makes him feel all sorts of things.

He concludes he has been single for too long.

‘Mister Cavill?’ she asks, causing him to snap back into reality.

‘Yes,’ he hastily says. ‘That’s me.’

‘Follow me.’ She walks in front of him, into the first examination room. Her fingers tap on the table and he gently places his dog on the hard surface. She strokes the fur on top of Kal’s head. ‘Let’s see what’s with you,’ she says, putting on some gloves. ‘You brought the samples?’

‘Yes, yes, I did,’ he says, clearing his throat. He shouldn’t be mesmerized by the vet in front of him, but he can’t stop staring at her. He hands her the bag and she sets it aside, while she opens Kal’s eyes, looking into them.

Before he can say something else, he hears small footsteps echo into the room. ‘Can I watch?’

Henry looks up, to see a small girl standing in the doorway. This must be the daughter of doctor Tran, because that girl is the spitting image of the woman standing in front of him. The doctor does look young though, almost too young to have a daughter who is at least five years old.

He needs to shake the thought of the doctor off of him, he tells himself. She has a daughter, so there is a plausible chance she’s taken.

Doctor Tran doesn’t look up from her clipboard, while she’s scribbling something down. ‘If mister Cavill doesn’t mind.’

The young girl looks up at him, two hopeful eyes meeting his. ‘No, of course not,’ he says, his heart melting at the sight of the hopeful look in her eyes.

The little girl walks over to the examination table, dragging a stool with her. She stands next to Henry and even when she’s standing on it, she can barely peek over the edge of the table. ‘Mommy,’ she asks, confirming that the little girl is indeed doctor Tran her daughter, ‘should I introduce myself?’

The doctor nods, while she checks the vomit, scrunching her nose. ‘That’s the polite thing to do, sweetheart.’

The girl holds out a tiny hand and says: ‘My name is Vanessa Tran.’

‘Hi Vanessa,’ Henry says in a soft voice, before holding onto her hand, that nearly disappears in his. ‘My name is Henry Cavill and this is Kal.’

Doctor Tran looks up from the bag of vomit. ‘Henry Cavill?’ she asks. ‘Isn’t there an actor whose name is Henry Cavill?’

‘Yeah, there is.’ Henry chuckles, feeling a bit awkward, but also amused that she doesn’t recognize him. It’s nice to be unrecognizable, even if it’s for a short amount of time. ‘That actor would be me.’

Her eyes widen. ‘Oh,’ she says, but she can’t seem to find the right words to say.

‘Mommy, is this man famous?’ Vanessa asks, while not breaking eye contact with Henry. The little girl blinks her eyes, almost in disbelieve that someone famous is standing next to her.

Doctor Tran pulls herself together. ‘Yes, sweetheart, he plays in some movies. He even played Superman.’

Vanessa widens her eyes as well and yet again she looks just like her mother. ‘Wow, Superman is here.’ She starts to giggle, a sound that Henry already adores. ‘So, if you are Superman, you are really strong.’

‘He is,’ doctor Tran says, placing the vomit samples aside. ‘He carried his dog inside.’ Henry can’t help but beam with pride as he takes in the compliment from the doctor.

‘Wow,’ Vanessa says again. She holds out her arms and asks him if he can lift her up. Henry looks over at the doctor, who smiles and simply nods, a non verbal sign of consent.

Henry lifts the little girl up in his arms and she wraps an arm around his neck.

‘I can’t wait to tell miss Sue that I met Superman.’

He can’t help but laugh, the little girl and her comments already making him feel less scared about what can happen to Kal. ‘Doctor Tran,’ he finally says, ‘is everything okay with Kal?’

‘What kind of kibble do you give him?’ she asks, while she is checking his heartbeat.

‘Doggy Herb,’ he answers, while Vanessa is tugging his curls, pulling on one strand until it’s straight, before letting it go and watching it curl together again. ‘Why?’

She looks up. ‘Well, then the news hasn’t reached you yet. We’ve had multiple cases of dogs who started to vomit after they ate the Doggy Herb kibble, some of them included blood. The manufacturer changed something in the ingredients and now lots of dogs have severe reactions to it.’

This woman demands all of his attention, without even trying. She is absolutely breathtaking and if she wasn’t talking about his sick dog, nor had a daughter, he’d ask her out.

‘Oh.’ Henry feels guilty. ‘I thought there was something different about it. I opened a new bag today.’

‘How much did you gave him?’

‘A little bit, at around eleven,’ he answers.

She smiles and without her telling him something, he already feels more at ease. ‘Then you have nothing to worry about. I’m going to put an IV on him, so he can rehydrate a bit. After that I’m going to give him some medicine and I’ll give you something to give him at home. In about three hours, you can take him home with you again.’

‘Really?’

She nods. ‘Really, sir. If you could place him on the floor? That would be easier for Kal and me.’

‘I’m sorry, miss Vanessa,’ he says, before he gently places the girl back on her feet. He shouldn’t feel this desperate need to impress the doctor. However, he can’t help but flex his muscles a little bit, as he carries the dog to the corner of the examination room.

‘Wow, mommy, he is really strong,’ Vanessa says.

‘No wonder he was Superman,’ doctor Tran says. She looks through some drawers and says: ‘I figure you want to wait here.’

‘I do, I do,’ he says.

‘If you want, you can grab something to drink around the corner. Maybe a coffee will help you stay awake.’

Does he look that miserable? Does he look that tired?

‘I can tell you how the machine works,’ Vanessa says. ‘I know how it works.’

‘That would be nice,’ he admits. Vanessa takes ahold of his hand and tugs him with her. He follows the little girl and he sees himself in the reflection of a mirror that’s right next to the coffee machine.

He does look miserable. His eyes are still red from the bit of crying he did when he drove to the clinic and the bed hair looks like multiple crows have been nesting there.

‘My mommy is going to make Kal better,’ Vanessa says, before grabbing a paper cup. ‘You don’t have to worry.’

‘I wasn’t worried,’ he tells the young girl, but the second it leaves his lips, he realized he only said that to impress the doctor. God, he is lying to a little girl, just to impress her mother, who isn’t even in the same room. For all he knows, the woman is married and the girl’s dad is at home.

But, come to think of it, why would she take her daughter to work then?

Vanessa starts to frown and she takes a step to the side, so she’s standing in the doorway. ‘Mommy, can I tell Superman he is lying and that you’re not supposed to lie?’

He can hear doctor Tran laughing. ‘You can tell Superman that, sweetheart.’

Henry feels a little finger poking his thigh. ‘Superman, you are lying and you’re not supposed to lie. My mommy says that you should tell the truth, especially about your feelings.’

He is genuinely impressed. This young girl is really in touch with her own feelings and can verbalize it. That’s extraordinary for someone her age, he thinks to himself. Doctor Tran is doing a good job with raising her.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says to Vanessa. ‘I’ll try to be better.’

‘You should, you are Superman after all.’

He has a paper cup filled with coffee and they accompany Kal and the doctor again. She hands Vanessa a juice box and says she needs to fill in some paperwork, but that the two of them can keep Kal company.

Vanessa and Henry stare at Kal, while Vanessa is slowly stroking his fur. It’s obvious that she’s growing more and more tired with every passing second, but she is desperately trying to stay awake. It’s really endearing, if Henry’s being honest and really not helping with his own baby fever.

‘My mommy is also a superhero,’ Vanessa says. ‘Not like Superman of course, but she always saves animals.’

‘Well,’ Henry says, unintentionally loud enough for doctor Tran to hear it, ‘your mom is an even better hero than Superman.’

That confuses her, because she frowns. ‘Why?’

‘Because I play Superman. It’s pretending. Your mom is not pretending.’

He watches Vanessa nod, as she is taking in what he just said. ‘Yeah, you are right. My mommy is a better hero.’ She sighs deeply. ‘Mister Henry, do you have kids?’

God, the girl is barely five or six years old, but she surely knows how to wrench his heart. ‘I don’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘Why not what?’

She rolls her eyes annoyed, probably thinking he is a slow one for not understanding. ‘Why don’t you have kids?’

He clears his throat. ‘I don’t have a wife,’ he says. ‘And you need two people for that.’

Her mouth falls open. ‘Well, my mommy doesn’t have a husband. I’ve always wanted a daddy,’ she admits with bitter sweet honesty. ‘But my real daddy didn’t want me.’

‘Enough, Vanessa,’ he hears doctor Tran say in a stern voice from the other room.

‘But mommy…’

‘No, enough. Don’t talk about that with strangers.’

‘But this man is not a stranger mom. He is Superman, he can help us.’

Doctor Tran walks into the room, an annoyed look on her face. She doesn’t say anything, just stares at her daughter, raising an eyebrow in the process.

Vanessa pouts. ‘Sorry.’

The doctor leaves the room again and Henry asks Vanessa about school, hoping the kid doesn’t start about her estranged father again, though he wants to know more about that and it is a convenience: doctor Tran is single from what she just told him.

He finds out that she is six and can already read what’s on the posters in the examination room. Even though this kid isn’t his own, he can’t help but feel proud, when she recites the entire alphabet and shows him that she can count to a hundred.

But all while she’s doing that, fatigue is catching up with her and eventually she falls asleep against his arm. He carefully lifts her up, hoping that he doesn’t wake her up and walks to the room where doctor Tran is currently doing some paperwork.

‘Oh, she’s asleep,’ she says when she notices Henry standing in the doorway.

‘Yeah, she was pretty tired.’

She smiles, before holding out her arms. ‘I’ll be right back,’ she says, as she holds her daughter close to her body. She leaves the room and probably will tuck her daughter in somewhere. He sits next to his dog, looks at him, looking less and less fatigued and more like his own happy go lucky self.

‘Kal is looking better,’ she says, while she crouches down next to the dog. Kal stares at her, almost with heart eyes. ‘I recommend you switch to something like Purina One, or something like that,’ she tells him. ‘Doesn’t matter, everything but Doggy Herb.’

‘Is it deadly?’ he asks. ‘The other kibble.’

She shakes her head. ‘Well, no, wait, that’s a lie. If you give him lots of it, it can be fatal.’

‘I feel so stupid.’

The doctor looks at him. ‘Don’t,’ she says. ‘From the looks of it, you are a great owner.’ She checks the bag with fluids and says: ‘I want him on the scale for a second.’ She removes the IV from him, but from the looks of it, Kal is too tired to move.

‘Why on the scale?’

‘To determine how much of the medicine he needs,’ she tells him. ‘We don’t want to OD him, do we?’

It’s almost a cruel joke, but he can’t help but laugh. This woman is quite something and he is seriously intrigued.

Henry is yet again going out of his way to impress the beautiful doctor, but her facial expressions don’t give away much. She turns on the scale and writes down what she sees. ‘You can place him there,’ she says, pointing near the entrance. ‘Maybe the view will help him a bit. He should get moving in about half an hour.’ He places his furry companion near the door and Kal can move his head up, staring to the silent outside world, all still too deep asleep. When he looks at the doctor again, she taps the screen of the scale. ‘Now I know how much you both weigh, but I need Kal’s weight.’

Why is he feeling insecure? She’ll probably know that his weight is mostly muscle, that is shows his hard work. He steps on the scale and watches her scribble something on the paper. When Henry steps off, he notices her frown. ‘What?’ he asks.

‘This only confirms what I thought.’

‘What?’ he asks again.

‘Mister Cavill, your dog is kinda fat.’

She could’ve slapped in across his cheek and he wouldn’t be as surprised as he is now. Kal is fat? ‘Excuse me,’ he says in a defensive tone, crossing his arms in front of his buffed out chest. ‘My dog isn’t fat.’

Doctor Tran doesn’t seem impressed by his facade at all. ‘He is,’ she tells him. ‘An average American Akita weights between the forty and sixty kilos. Your dog weighs seventy kilos, while he should be between the fifty and sixty kilos.’

‘It’s muscle.’ Geez, he never thought he could get this defensive.

The doctor tries to hide a smile and her overall amusement, but she is failing miserably. ‘It’s fat, I already felt that back in the examination room.’

‘But how is he too fat?’

She shrugs. ‘You feed him too much, I guess. I’m not there with you when you feed him.’

‘I give him the prescribed amount of kibble.’ And a bit more, but his dog can’t possible get fat from that, right?

‘Do you train Kal?’

He nods. ‘I do.’

‘And do you give him snacks?’

He searches though his pocket and finds a chunk that he usually gives Kal during training.

‘How many do you give him?’ she asks, studying the snack as she takes it from him.

‘About twelve of those during a training session and I do those about two or three times.’

’No wonder he is fat.’

Does the doctor need to be this crude? His dog nearly died, could she show him some compassion?

‘Mister Cavill, this is the size of a pound,’ she tells him. She breaks it into four smaller bits and adds: ‘Dogs don’t care about the size of their snack. Instead giving him one of those, giving him a fourth, isn’t something he’ll notice.’

Henry sighs deeply, embarrassed of his defensiveness. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says.

‘For getting defensive?’ she guesses. ‘Oh no, it’s totally understandable. Someone is saying something about someone you care about. But, sir, it’s my job to make sure Kal is the healthiest he can be. Just give him seventy five percent of what you would normally give him, give him tons of walks and don’t give him the entire snack, just a quarter will do.’

He nods, taking the tips in. ‘Thank you, doctor Tran.’

≫≫≪≪

Kal is finally feeling better and Vanessa has woken up again. She is hanging around Kal’s neck, giving him tons of kisses. Kal doesn’t seem to mind, because he continues to lick Vanessa’s face when he gets the chance. Henry knew that his loyal dog was good with children, but this is on another level.

‘I’m sorry that I called,’ he says to doctor Tran, who is leaning against the counter, her white coat hanging open, revealing a thick looking sweater.

‘Why? Your dog was sick and you called a vet. It’s okay, I knew what I was doing when I sighed up for the job.’ She looks at her daughter and adds: ‘Besides, I think I have a very tired, but very happy six year old for the weekend. She got to pet a lovely dog and met Superman. Honestly, I should thank you for calling our clinic.’

Henry lets his gaze drop on the petite doctor that is standing next to her. He doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but he certainly does believe in attraction at first sight. It has been a long time since Henry met a woman like doctor Olivia Tran. She blatantly told him his dog was fat and told her daughter that she could say to “Superman” that he was lying. She is definitely something else and he hates it that he has to leave now.

‘Well, thank you,’ he says, ‘for helping out Kal. I don’t know what I would’ve done if he didn’t make it.’ He holds out his hand and the doctor leaves him hanging for a good second, before she places her slender hand in his, adding: ‘It’s my job, mister Cavill.’

‘Henry, please, call me Henry.’

She nods. ‘Okay, Henry, I’ll see you in a few weeks, for his yearly shots he needs to have according to his passport and we have to check if you are a strict enough owner, because this little fatty needs to lose some weight.’ She lets go of his hand, before scratching the Akita behind his ears.

‘Mommy, can we have a dog?’

‘No, angel, we can’t,’ she says. ‘So give Kal one last kiss and say goodbye to Henry, okay?’

Vanessa does what her mother tells her to do, because she gives Kal a kiss on his nose and walks over to Henry, who crouches down, so he is about the same height as the little girl. ‘It was very nice to meet you, Vanessa,’ Henry says.

She wraps her arms around his broad shoulders. ‘It was nice to meet you too, mister Henry,’ she whispers, still a bit groggy. She lets go of him and walks to her mom, holding onto her hand tightly.

‘Thank you, again.’

‘Of course,’ doctor Tran smiles. ‘And I’ll see you in a few weeks.’

He steps out of the clinic with Kal and sighs deeply. This was quite something, he thinks to himself. As he walks towards his car, he looks over his shoulder, only to see Vanessa being picked up by her mother, balancing on her hip. The two of them wave to him and he smiles, holding out his hand and waving back.

When he gets into his car, Kal sitting next to him, he lets out a groan. He shouldn’t have a crush on this vet, he really shouldn’t.

But Henry keeps thinking about how doctor Tran stared at him, how Vanessa hugged him and how his dog seemed to be at ease with them, loving the doctor from the looks of it and adoring the attention Vanessa gave him.

He forces himself to stop thinking about this, because for all he knows, this is the last time he would see either of them. He doesn’t even know if his favorite veterinarian will be helping him when he gets back in a few weeks for Kal’s shots. ‘Forget about it, Henry,’ he tells himself sternly. ‘You’re not a teenager anymore, with a crush on someone he can’t date anyway.’

Taglist: @thelastsock​ // @flhorah​ // @sausagefest1996​ // @laufeysodinson​ // @xxxkatxo​ // @memoriesat30​ // @henrythickcavill​ // @crimsonrae​ // @henryobsessed // @madbaddic7ed​ // @summersong69​ // @lyrafraiser​ // @peakygroupie​ // @coldmuffinbanditshoe​ // @mary-ann84​ // @thereisa8ella​ //@crazyandanonymous4u // @xuxszx​

[calpalirwin]

Running Back to You

Summary: Post-tour life takes its toll

A/N: Wanted to angst this series up a bit so grab the tissues. 

Word Count: 3.7k

And away, and away we go!

__

~Ashton’s POV~

“Oh!” Vanessa’s hand slapped down on the table as her eyes lit up. “I’m gonna make cookies!”

“That sounds great, baby,” I smiled at her. I had flown in the night before and we were figuring out how to spend the day before taking the kids to dinner with Finn for their weekly tradeoff. While cookies sounded amazing, I was selfishly looking forward to our childless evening later. Because even though I had given her a pretty good idea of how much I had missed her when she visited me on tour, I wanted to make the concept crystal clear, leaving no room for even the slightest trickle of doubt.

She quickly got up from the table, a giant grin on her face. I watched her for a moment, mesmerized by the woman and her ability to make any room she was in feel so alive and upbeat. “What?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at me.

“Nothing,” I chuckled, shaking my head. “Just glad to be home.”

There was a lapse of silence as she busied herself with pulling out everything she needed to make cookies, broken by Mason piping up, “Momma?”

“Yes, sweet boy?”

“Momma.” He pointed at the ingredients gathered about the kitchen island counter.

“You wanna help me make cookies?”

“Momma!”

She crouched down to grab him and swing him up on the counter besides everything. “Love?” she asked me. “Can you go check on Bailey, and bring me the baby monitor? I forgot to bring it with me after I set her down for her nap.”

I drummed my fingers against the table as I stood up. “Sure thing. I’m gonna go deal with the garden after. You did remember to water it, yeah?” I teased.

“Yes, because unlike some people, I know how to keep things alive,” she giggled, teasing me back.

“Ouch!” I dramatically clutched at my chest. “Straight for the kill, huh?”

Her laugh was still ringing out as I headed up the staircase towards the nursery. I checked that Bailey was still fast asleep, before grabbing the baby monitor and tiptoeing back out of the room and downstairs. “All good, baby,” I reported, kissing her cheek that already had streaks of flour on it. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

~Vanessa’s POV~

I pulled the cookies out of the oven, setting them down to cool. “Momma!” Mason pointed excitedly at them.

“Not right now, Mase. They’re for after lunch,” I told him. By then they would have cooled down enough to eat.

“Momma,” he pouted.

“Pout all you want, the answer is still the same.’”

His feet kicked against the counter. “Momma!”

I crouched down a little to be eye level with him. “I know you want them. But just because you ask, does not mean you automatically get. I’m not telling you that you can’t have one. I’m saying that you can’t have one right this second. I need you to be patient, okay? Cookie later.”

He responded with an ear-splitting scream, flapping his arms at his sides. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the lights on the baby monitor go off. Great…

I set Mason down on the kitchen floor, and when I was sure he would just keep screaming and flapping rather than other more destructive stimming, I dashed upstairs to get Bailey. 

~Ashton’s POV~

I heard the screaming, so I rocked back on my heels, dusting my hands against my jeans. With Mason, it was hard to tell the difference between happy and mad screeching, so I got up to make my way inside the house just in case Vanessa needed back up.

A seemingly endless scream was still working its way out of Mason from where he was sitting on the kitchen floor, Vanessa nowhere in sight. I glanced at the counter, noticing the lights of the baby monitor. So Bailey had woken up and Vanessa had run off to deal with that leaving Mason cookie-less for longer than he would have liked. The scream cut off, the moment his face zeroed in on me. “Papa,” was the hoarse hiccup, as he pointed up at the cookies.

“Did Momma not have time to grab you a cookie before Bailey woke up?” I asked, picking him up off the ground and rubbing his back.

“Papa,” he nodded with a sniff.

“Okay, let’s get you a cookie.” I grabbed one, breaking it in half and blowing on it. “Careful, it’s still a little hot,” I warned, holding out one half for him to take a bite of.

He seemed to understand because instead of taking it into his own hand, he opened his mouth so I could hold it while he took a bite. A content smile broke out across his face as the soft cookie broke off in his mouth and the warm chocolate melted further on his tongue.

“What the actual fuck?” Vanessa’s voice snapped behind us and I whirled to find her with Bailey on her hip and fire in her eyes. Uh-oh…

~Vanessa’s POV~

I wasn’t sure why the sight of Mason munching on a cookie in Ashton’s arms made me as angry as it did. It wasn’t like Ashton had been inside to hear me tell Mason that he couldn’t have a cookie until after lunch. And it wasn’t like Mason could, or would, explain to his papa that I had said he needed to wait. He was three. He saw his chance, and he took it. But I was furious all the same. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Ashton asked me, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

“I told him he needed to wait until after lunch…”

“Shit, baby, I didn’t know. I’m sorry…” Ashton apologized. 

That should have been the end of it. But for some reason his admittance of the obvious only further ticked me off. Why? Why was I so mad about my son eating a cookie? Why was this the hill I was going to stake my claim, and die on today? Why did I feel so out of control? When did this start? Think, Nessa, think!

The feeling had started months ago when I had woken up in the empty house for the first time. Sure, I had my own dresser, and I had things hung up across from Ashton’s in the closet. But it was his closet. Sure, my children had their rooms, but it was their rooms in “Papa’s house.” While I certainly lived there, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was still far more Ashton’s home than our home.

And now, watching Mason happily take another bite from half a cookie in Ashton’s hand, made that feeling increase tenfold. Like it didn’t matter what I had told Mason because Ashton could override it because it was his house. And the worst part was that I only had myself to blame because I had been the one who rushed things. Sure, Ashton had played his role of charming outsider who saw me as a woman rather than a mess, and he had played it very well. But it had ultimately been me who hadn’t firmly set those boundaries because it felt so good to feel wanted as a partner. Only I wasn’t a partner anymore, I was just coexisting in the same place. And damn it, if this feeling didn’t cut me deeper than it had the first time when this had happened with Finn.

But that’s not what’s happening, I told myself. Ash isn’t undermining you. He didn’t know. He apologized.

This time it’s an accident. Next time it’s on purpose…

“If you didn’t know, why didn’t you check with me first?” I could hear the shake in my voice as I fought to keep it controlled. I hated the words and the bitter taste they left in my mouth, but I couldn’t stop them from rolling off my lips.

“You’re right,” Ashton admitted, dropping the uneaten quarter of a cookie down next to the other half. “You made them, so I should have checked with you first. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t want his apology. Especially not when he used the same tone I did when I had to calm down Mason. I wanted… fuck, what did I want? I wanted to feel like I was in control of my life, not bouncing from being dependent on Finn to being dependent on Ashton. I wanted to not feel so fuckin’ lost in who I was compared to who I used to be, and who I wanted to be. I wanted to know who it was I wanted to be.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” His chuckle was soft and nervous as he closed the distance between us and his thumb brushed away the tears on my cheeks I hadn’t noticed were there. “Can you tell me what’s going on in that head of yours cuz I’m a little lost here…”

“You’re a little lost?” My words were a harsh scoff.

His hand fell and his jaw twitched in irritation. “Look, I’ve apologized three times now for him eating a quarter of a cookie before you said he could. I don’t know what else you want from me.”

“I don’t want anything from you!” I hissed, taking a step back.

“Then why are you so mad? What am I not seeing here? Feel free to clue me in at any time…”

I wanted to curse and scream everything I was feeling so he would know how much I was hurting inside. But I couldn’t because it would upset Bailey and Mason. “Can I have my son, please?” I asked instead.

His face fell at where my emphasis was. “Yeah.” Ashton set Mason down on his feet. “Go to your momma, Mase…” He masked his hurt in his own emphasis. My lack of ability to express myself had turned into a fight of showcasing my control. That this was my life he was living in, not me living in his like it appeared. The chance for equal ground lost the moment I opened my mouth.

I wanted to backpedal. My logic was screaming at me to stop, but the irrational part had its hand clamped over logic’s mouth, muffling it. “Where are you going?” Ashton followed me as I grabbed Mason’s hand and walked us out of the kitchen.

“I don’t know.” Finally some fuckin’ honesty.

“Are you coming back?”

“I don’t know.”

“Baby…” a broken plea. The one I couldn’t make for myself. 

I dropped Mason’s hand momentarily to swing the diaper bag up onto my shoulder before grabbing his hand again. “I don’t know who I am, Ashton,” I answered back, just as broken.

~Ashton’s POV~

A motherfuckin’ cookie… a single fuckin’ cookie had sent my girlfriend running out of the house going off about how she didn’t know who she was. What the actual fuck?

I sat down on the couch, wiping a hand down my face, and trying to figure out just what the hell had happened. My head was reeling from how in a matter of a half hour we had gone from baking cookies to breaking up. Had we broken up? Had I just been dumped?! Was I supposed to go after her? Or was I supposed to give her space? Fuck, I was gonna be sick…

~Vanessa’s POV~

“I thought Ash was home.” Finn commented as he helped Mason into his booster seat while I put Bailey in the high chair.

“He is.”

“Jet lag?”

I shook my head. I didn’t have it in me to explain to Finn what was going on in my head anymore than I had had it in me to explain it to Ashton this morning. I was exhausted from my mind running itself in circles. I just wanted to rest but nowhere felt like home.

“Shit… sleeping in the guest room bad, or you’re getting a hotel bad?”

I held up two fingers. How could I go back, and face Ashton after what I’d done? I had given him no indication that anything was wrong, and then I had stormed out giving no indication that I would be back. And after the third call, I had turned my phone off. What was I supposed to do? Walk back in, and say sorry?

“Jesus, Ness… what happened?”

“I don’t know who I am, or where I belong…” I whispered, afraid if I spoke any louder it would somehow make everything more real than it already was.

“Oh, Ness…”

~Ashton’s POV~

I hated the way my heart leapt in my throat at the knock on my door. I hated that I had been pacing the house for hours on end. I hated that every phone call went straight to voicemail. I hated that I had never felt more helpless in my life. How could I fix what had happened between Vanessa and me if I had no idea what had gone wrong in the first place? Or what if I was a bigger idiot than I thought for not seeing the signs that something had been wrong?

I wrenched the door open, my heart racing, and every bit of me praying it was her on the other side. So seeing Finn definitely made me do a double-take. “Hey, mate,” I mumbled, stepping aside to let him in. “She’s not here.”

“Yeah, I know. I came here to talk to you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Look, I didn’t get too much out of her, but whatever this is, you gotta fix it. Like the only times I’ve ever seen her this far gone has been when she’s dealt with her family, and I’ve legit told her I wasn’t in love with her anymore at one point so…”

“Fuck…” I collapsed on the couch. Tears pricked in the corners of my eyes. She hadn’t even been this torn up when her and Finn broke up? Fuck… “I dunno what I did… one second we were fine, and the next she was calling Mase hers. And…”

“And she never does that,” Finn nodded, sitting down next to me. “She never pulls the biology card because it doesn’t matter. You’ve accepted Mason as your own, and you’ve been there for Bailey since day one just like we have. You’re Papa, and there’s nothing else to it.”

“But today she did… today she said “my son” in regards to Mase. Over a fuckin’ cookie…”

Finn stifled a laugh. “Sorry, what? A cookie? She’s sleeping at a hotel over a cookie?”

“She’s at a hotel? Which one?”

“I’ll tell you after you tell me what’s going on.”

“I dunno what’s going on! That’s the whole fuckin’ problem, mate!”

Finn held up a hand. “Just tell me your side of things.”

So I told Finn about how we had gone from cookies to “I don’t know who I am.” “Like I know she’s not really mad about the cookie. I know there’s some bigger problem. And I tried to get her to talk to me but she just clammed up and left. And I’ve been sitting here all day wondering if we just had a fight, or if I legit lost her, and I have zero fuckin’ answers.”

“I’m just as in the dark as you are. But, when you were on tour, she did mention feeling like she had lost part of herself. That she didn’t know who she was outside of the kids, you, and me. And that was like right after you left. So it’s probably been eating at her for a while, and the cookie debacle was just her breaking point. Like Ness is very good at putting on a front. She’s good at acting unbothered a lot of the time. She was good at doing that even before we had Mason, which is part of what makes me feel so fuckin’ inadequate in dealing with him compared to her because she makes swallowing her personal feelings so easy. But between the way she grew up, and then everything we’ve been through with Mason… like I said, I’m just in the dark as you are. But I think there’s been a voice that’s been telling her she’s not in control of her own life. And she had her made up list of reasons that proved it. And then you unconsciously reinforced those reasons when she found you giving Mason the cookie she said he couldn’t have. And she finally listened because that’s a lot to deal with just all in your head.”

“Anybody tell you you should be a therapist?” I deadpanned, my heart breaking in my chest for her. It made perfect sense everything Finn had said. She had gone from living with her parents and dealing with her sister constantly one-upping her as some sort of twisted game Vanessa never wanted any part of, to living with Finn and raising Mason, to living with me and raising both Mason and Bailey. She never had a chance to really figure out if she was doing anything on her own; to discover if she was capable of doing anything on her own. And I’d unknowingly played right into it by accidentally undermining her parenting with Mason. I had managed to do the one thing I never wanted to do to her by doing the only thing I wanted to do to her: I had hurt her by loving her.

Finn chuckled softly, pushing up onto his feet. “Good thing I work in family counseling then. Anyway, she’s at the Hilton downtown.”

“Thanks,” I said, following him towards the door and grabbing my keys off the hook. “Hey Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you helping me? I mean… I don’t want to be that guy, but you know her so well, and you guys have history, and whatnot. Aren’t you supposed to be rooting for me to fuck up?”

Finn laughed, shaking his head. “Because you’re Papa Ash. You’d have to fuck up pretty bad for me to root in favor my kids losing a parent. And this? A fight where neither of you fucked up because she lost to her head? Yeah, not on the list.”

~Vanessa’s POV~

I clicked my phone to light up the screen for the millionth time. Nothing. Absolute silence since it buzzed out the notification of 27 missed calls after I turned it back on. Not text messages. No voicemails. No other notifications. Just 27 missed calls from Ashton.

I hated this hotel room. As pretty as it was, the freedom I thought it would bring was suffocating. Nothing in here was familiar. Not the set up, not the views, and definitely not the smells. I wanted to go home, but I didn’t know how. As much as I had been hurting, Ashton hadn’t deserved for me to bring him down to my level of hurt. He had tried to talk to me like an adult, and like a child I had pushed him away and slammed the door.

But if I stayed in this room for one second longer, the whole world was going to learn where Mason got his lungs from. Maybe I could just go to the lobby. Take things from there. Little tasks to make the bigger one seem less daunting.

Somehow I made it down to the lobby, which was weird because I didn’t remember stepping off the elevator, much less actually leaving the room. “Now just get to the car. The car. The car.” I repeated to myself as I speed-walked across the fancy tiled floor. The faster I moved, the less time I would have to overthink what I was doing. Problem was, the faster I moved meant the less I paid attention to anything besides tripping over my own two feet, meaning I definitely tripped over the black pair of boots that raced into my path, sending me colliding into the solid chest of their owner. “Shit! I’m so-” I started before the rest of my senses kicked in. I knew the strength of the arms that instinctively wrapped around me so I wouldn’t fall back; the muscles that belonged to the solid chest; and the smell of sunshine that clung to the wearer of the black boots that had almost knocked me over for the second time in my life. “Sorry,” I breathed, pulling back. “W-what are you doing here?”

“I came to bring you back home. Where were you going?”

“I was coming home.”

“Oh, thank God!” Ashton laughed in relief. 

I laughed with him, stretching upwards to throw my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry,” I cried into his shirt, finally finding the comfort I’d been looking for all day. “I’m so sorry!”

“Shh…” he shushed, holding me tight to him. “There’s nothing to apologize for.” One large hand was in my hair, cradling my head into his chest while the other rubbed at my back.

“I’m sorry!” I continued to cry anyway. “I got overwhelmed, and I didn’t know how to stop,  and…”

“Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. Right at me.” He pressed his forehead into mine, and I slowly raised my gaze to meet his hazel one that was as soft as his voice. “We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.”

I choked on my next sob as it turned into a laugh at his terrible ass joke. “That’s not funny,” I laughed anyway.

His body shook with his own laughter. “It’s a little funny.”

I nuzzled my nose against his. “I’m sorry,” I mouthed.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry too. You’re fuckin’ amazing in everything you do, and I don’t ever want you to doubt that. And I’m so fuckin’ sorry if there was anything I ever did that made you doubt yourself.” Each sentence was punctuated with a kiss. First my forehead, then either of my cheeks, and finally my lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

“Ash?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can we go home now?”

“Is the room already paid for?”

“Yeah…”

His fingers trailed down my back before going up the front of my shirt. “Seems a bit of a waste, doesn’t it?” he asked, his breath hot upon my neck where he lips traveled next.

“A-Ash?” I breathed, feeling my body go lax in his hold.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

__

Tag List

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[tnystrk-exe]

we both know how this song ends

Jack Daniels x Reader

Masterpost

Warnings: Emotional/Physical abuse, mentions of suicide, death. Starts in high school. Each chapter is roughly 4k 

Chapter One

The buzzing of your alarm clock woke you away. Mind still fuzzy, you slapped a hand on it to turn it off. Finally, school was starting up and you wouldn’t have to hear about how much of a waste you were from your mom and her newest boyfriend. 

Since your father had died, your mom kinda lost it. One day she was normal and the next… Well she just wasn’t her anymore. Your dad was her everything and you just weren’t enough to keep her sane. It had been hard to deal with losing both of your parents at once. Sometimes, you weren’t sure which was worse. 

Your father was gone and that had been painful. But your mother was here and she couldn’t even look at you unless she was angry. At first you had tried, you really did. You cleaned the house. Made her dinner. Showed her all of your accomplishments. It was never enough for a smile. No. The laundry wasn’t done. The food was too salty. Jessica’s daughter did better than that. So, you stopped. After a while you learned your lesson. 

Not too long after that came the men. Some would come for weeks. Others minutes. Never particularly long enough to know them other than angrily traded words. You stayed locked up in your room or out of your house as much as possible. 

Sighing, you forced yourself to start the day. Grabbing a shirt and pants you threw them on before slipping on your shoes. You glanced at your hiding spot. This new guy had gotten your mother into pawning your stuff and looting around your room for money for his fix lately. The money hidden under your bed would be found quickly, no doubt. Sighing you went to grab it and placed it in your backpack. It would be better if you just started to keep your valuables close. 

Shouldering your bag you walked out of the small room. It seemed like your dad left and everything good with him. The house was sold, one income meant goodbye home sweet home. Your mother had blown the money so quickly in her depression? Anger? You weren’t quite sure what to call it. So you moved into a shabby too close together apartment in the middle of Who Knows Where, USA. No trace of the good, old times in sight. That is other than the box of old family pictures the newest one had his dirty work boots propped on top of.

“Hey, kid, where’s the fucking rent?” He asked, already smoking his first cigarette of the day.

“Take your fucking feet off of that.”

He lifted his foot, slamming it back down. The crunch of the glass angering you instantly. “What are you going to do about it?”

You balled your fist. Soon you’d be out. Soon it wouldn’t matter. Soon this whole life would be behind you. “Fuck you, Steve,” you scoffed in disgust. 

He laughed at your retreating form. “If that’s how you want to pay your rent that’s fine. Bet you’re better at it than your mom anyway.”

Red flag noted. No being alone with that creep. 

You started cycling to the school. Of course you got to be new in your last year. Just your luck. The small town could have been really cute, that is if your personal life hadn’t soured the experience. It was a big change from the city life you had been used to. The air was fresher and it was way quieter than anywhere else you had ever been. 

Maybe it would have been nice if you hadn’t felt so alone all the time. So much had changed in seven months. Hopefully, in another seven they would change for the better. You weren’t sure just how long you could keep going like this. It was getting to be too much already. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat. No use in being a baby about it. This was your life and it would have to be for just a little while longer. There was a banner across the school’s entrance that read welcome class of ‘91. Just this one year and you’d go to college somewhere far from your mother and her new life. 

You left your bike at the rack and went to follow the mass. Most people were walking toward the cafeteria. Others were already flocking into their cliques, which made you miss your own all the more when you heard their laughter and inside jokes. When you finally made your way into the crowded cafeteria, you made your way to the senior lines. 

“Hello, there pretty lady,” greeted a guy with a god awful start to a mustache.

You nodded, “Hey.”

“I haven’t seen you around here, I’d like to think I woulda remembered seeing an angel.”

“Jackie boy!” Someone called out from behind you, “I already called dibs on that piece.”

You rolled your eyes and pushed past him. Just one year. 

“Name miss?”

“YN LN.”

The teacher started looking through her files. When she finally found it, she handed you a thick folder of papers. “Your schedule and locker number are on the first page. The rest is everything your parents need to sign and information on your graduation ring and gown. Your teachers should give you all the books you need as you see them.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

You left the cafeteria and started an attempt at looking for your locker. “Where do I even start?” you muttered under your breath.

The sound of boots behind you and a tap on the shoulder made you turn around. “Look, I’m sorry about Eric. He’s a dick. He likes to say stupid shit like that.”

“We’ll call it even if you help me find my locker,” you offered. “For Eric and that awful line.”

“I’ll take you up on that,” he nodded as he took your folder and took a look at your schedule. “Looks like I got lucky. Yours is across from mine. If you want I can show you the way around.”

“I’d appreciate it.”

“So what brought you over here?” He signaled you to follow him as he asked.

“Something’s changed recently,” you shrugged, “New start. You always lived here?”

“Born. Raised. Hopefully, this won’t end here.”

“Oh yeah, you’ve got so much more to see than this small town.”

He laughed, “What’s the outside world like darlin’.”

“You wouldn’t believe it. There’s people that don’t all exclusively wear flannels and Stentons. Buildings and crowds as far as the eye could see.”

“I’m getting the heebies jus’ thinkin’ about it, he shuddered for added effect, “Name’s Jack Daniels.”

“Your parents do realize-“

“Yeah. Mom had to talk dad down from Daniel Daniels. Let’s just call this one a win. What’s yours? I wanna judge your parents' choices too.”

“YN LN.”

“Damn. That’s actually kinda cute. I’ll let that mouth of yours slide just this once.” He stopped and pointed to a locker and then another, “Yours. Mine. First days here are usually just ice breakers. I’d recommend just bringing a pencil, paper, and your backpack for today. Your path doesn’t cross your locker until you hit fourth period. Go put some of your things up and I’ll walk you around.”

You nodded and had done as he said. Honestly, you hadn’t thought you’d find someone you’d be so comfortable with this early. But Jack had seemed kind enough, so you’d roll with it and see where it went. He showed you throughout the school, making sure to show you short cuts you could take for your classes. It wasn’t too long before he ended the trip at your first period class. 

“Well, this is where we end. Is my debt paid off?”

“Yeah, it is. We’re all squared up.”

“Then sweetie pie, I hope I’m lucky enough to see you around.”

You laughed, “How many of those are you going to try?”

He shrugged, “I’m a fan of Pretty Lady. Can’t promise I won’t try out more.” Jack turned heel and walked off to his own class. 

Part of you berated yourself for not comparing schedules when you had the chance. He had been the first real interaction you had had in awhile. Even more if you had to admit it, other than the ‘stache he was easy on the eyes. 

It wasn’t until you met Vanessa in second period that you stopped thinking about him. Maybe you weren’t so infatuated and just missed having company. 

“Let me see your schedule?”

You handed it over. “Any matches?”

“Lunch and seventh period. You should have fifth period with my Jack.” You could have sworn she sighed lovingly. “Well, he doesn’t know he’s my Jack, but he will be.”

“Ah... Jack Daniels?”

“Yeah,” another sigh and a doped up look, “You’ve met him already?”

“Yep, he walked me around the school in the morning.”

“He’s always a gentleman.”

Okay, Vanessa probably wouldn’t be an exactly close friend. Not because of Jack, but she just seemed like the type that crushed on people too hard for your liking. Nice girl, couldn’t deny that. Pretty soon you knew a decent amount. She had a crush on Jack since the beginning of first grade. He worked on her family’s farm during the summer and one time he even winked at her when her daddy wasn’t looking. 

The bell rang and your icebreaker bingo was thrown in the trash.

It was still a surprise when Jack looked around the class in fifth period and caught you with a big smile. “Well, wouldn’t you look at that!” He sauntered over toward you, “It looks like you and me have chemistry lil’ miss.”

“Not as much as you and Vanessa,” you joked.

He took the seat next to you, condemning himself to be your partner for the rest of the year. “I promise, I’m not her Jack.”

“Mmm, you sure you just don’t know it yet?”

“I’m certain. She’s a good girl, but she’s just not for me. I got grass in my eye a while ago and she thought I sent a wink her way. Vanessa wouldn’t stop making eyes at me the rest of the summer. I dunno, she may just be too clingy for my taste.”

You patted his back. “Good luck. She’s got it bad.”

“I know, she’s stuck on me being her first kiss.”

“You were her first kiss?”

“And she was mine. It was a little kiddie school play. She was a princess and I was a frog.”

“It couldn’t be any more obvious. Got any pictures I can make fun of?”

“You can stop by mine sometime. I’ll show you. Speaking of, what are your plans after school?”

You shook your head, “I don’t really have any.” You were embarrassed to admit that you were gonna ride around town and avoid going home as long as you could. 

“Great. There’s this burger place, best milkshakes in the town. Also the only place you can get one but that’s beside the point. If you don’t mind hanging out that is.”

“No, um, that sounds really nice.”

“Me and you after school. It’s a plan.”

After school, Jack put your bike in the back of his blue Chevy and drove you to the best shake spot in town. He had made you laugh and smile more than you had in a long time. You almost pitied Vanessa for not grabbing his attention. Jack really did seem like a great guy. Too bad you’d probably leave and he’d stay here. The conversation stayed light. You didn’t want to get to the poor girl with the sad life pity party yet. For now, he gave you a sense of normalcy that you wanted to hold onto for a while longer. 

That was until it was time to go home.

“You can leave me here.”

“What? No, I can take you down the street.”

You sighed, shaking your head. “My mom’s real strict, J. If you drop me off, I’d never hear the end of it.”

“Okay, fine. Can I pick you up for school? You’re on my way anyhow.”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“6:30 sharp,” he said with a tone that left no room for argument, “Then, just maybe, we’ll be able to get some decent breakfast.” You went to get out the car and he followed after, taking your bike back out for you. “If she’s so strict you should probably keep bringing your bike. I don’t want you to get an earful on my account. See you tomorrow.”

You started to walk your bike down the street. When you started to put your bike up is when you noticed the old truck start to drive away. It made your heart flutter a bit with how much this still stranger cared about you. The feeling of it didn’t last long when you looked at the apartment door. Steeling yourself you walked in.

“And where have you been you little bitch?” Your mother asked, instantaneously. “Whoring around no doubt.” 

“You know what they say,” you shrug, “the apple doesn’t fall far.”

You couldn’t react with how quickly she got in your face. Her nails dug into your jaw as she made you look at her. “Don’t disrespect me. I’m your mother.”

“I remember a time you liked me.” You don’t know why you said it, but it had just fallen out. The part of you that still wanted answers no doubt.

“You’re just a burden and a disappointment,” she scoffed, disgusted by the idea. “You know, YN, I bet you’re the reason your dad killed himself.”

Tears blurred your vision but you didn’t let them fall. “Take it back.”

“What? Are you going to cry?” Her alcohol laced breath wafted into your face, “Daddy killed himself and mommy doesn’t love you anymore. Does the little baby want to cry?”

“You’re such a fucking bitch.”

Her hand slammed heavily against your face. For a split second she looked surprised, but it was gone in an instant. “Go to your fucking room and don’t come out.”

No need to be told twice. You went to your room and locked the door behind yourself. With a shaky breath you sent your backpack down and went to look in a mirror. Wincing at the damage. 

“Let’s see if you’ll think twice about opening that fat mouth,” you heard your mother yell into the house.

Just a few months, you could make it. Things would get better. 

The next morning, you woke up and instantly went to check your face. God, you could have cried the second you saw the ugly bruised skin. What would Jack say? You tried so hard to keep this all quiet just to be ruined the next day. Grabbing whatever was closest, you changed and got ready for the day. Still checking yourself in the mirror every so often hoping that somehow it would go away. 

You didn’t even throw a comment to Steve on the couch this morning. Didn’t do anything at another of his lewd comments. Something about being open to a blowjob from that pretty little mouth. 

It was like you were in auto pilot. Just kept walking with your head down, bike in tow. You didn’t realize how far you had walked until you heard Jack’s increasingly familiar engine. 

“I know you said your mom was strict, but you could have given me a warning you wanted to get picked up this far out,” Jack said, the truck crawling along the road beside you. “YN?”

“Hm, sorry,” you got yourself back into the real world, “It’s okay. It’s a nice day out. I feel like walking some.”

“That’s nonsense,” he protested, jumping out from the truck and walking to you, “Just, lemme load her up and- What happened to you?” You flinched when his hand came up to your face, but it was much gentler than last time it happened, “I wouldn’t hurt you sugar. Ever. Tell me what happened.” His thumb stroked your jaw as soft as possible as he tried to comfort you. 

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Jack.” You pulled away from his hand. “I just want to get past all of this. Please?”

“Was it because of me?” It made sense to him, you got home late, maybe his cologne had lingered on you since the truck was so small.

You shook your head, “Things were tense long before you. You’re not even in the cards.”

“How are you feeling about school?”

“I don’t think so, not with this,” you motioned at the forming bruise, “It’s just going to get worse.”

“Tell you what. We’ll pick up some make up, so you can feel more comfortable with it being covered up. Then we’ll go do who knows what together. Okay? You and me.”

He put your bike into the truck and helped you into the car. At the store he dealt with the disproving look from the cashier. What was he supposed to say? Oh that wasn’t from me. This was a small town after all. It wouldn’t matter what he’d say. Word spread as fast as fire. Soon everyone would know about the Daniels boy going around with a strange new girl. Keep your girls safe, the bruise on her cheek looked especially horrible. 

Jack handed the money over and grabbed then he grabbed the bag. Grabbing your hand in his, he took you back to the truck. You had entered this calm daze. Not really speaking, just doing as he asked. 

“Would ya mind staying at my house?” He hadn’t bothered to add that you needed to rest. With a shake of your head he started up the old truck and went home.

The home was nice. Classic American if anything. Two stories, baby blue with white trim, and a white fence. Not all white you noted. There were pink, blue, and yellow hand prints on the door. Mom, dad, and Jack were fading words underneath them. Your family had had something similar with a height wall, though little you never quite caught on that your parents never changed much. 

“It’s really pretty, Jack.”

“Thank you, darlin’. My dad would appreciate it more than anyone. He built it when mom and him got engaged.”

“That sounds really sweet.”

“I’m hopin’, one day I get to do the same. C’mon. Meet my old girl Bess.” He nodded for you to follow him up the path. Jack patted his thigh, “She’d never been the best at hunting. But she is a lovely girl.” 

The old bloodhound stood to nuzzle it’s head into his thigh when he reached the porch, before going over to give you the same treatment. “Hi, Bess,” you scratched behind her ear. 

“She likes you. She’s not very fond of strangers. Let’s get on inside and I’ll make us all some breakfast. You’re welcome to look around.” 

The inside of the home was modest enough. You could have sworn the place smelled of freshly baked cookies. Jack immediately made a beeline for the kitchen. Which left you and Bess alone in the front room. You took the time to look at the pictures that had been placed around the living room as Bess made herself cozy on the couch. 

Jack smiling a wide smile, with what you assumed was his first tooth he lost, held out proudly to the camera. An older picture of his parents kissing on their wedding day. The woman holding Jack, looking tired but relieved to see her son. Another of Jack sitting in his dad’s lap in the same truck he had brought you home in. The pictures were sweet but they made your heart clench horribly. They reminded you of a life you didn’t get to have anymore. That was enough to let loose the tears you had been reluctant to let fall. 

You tried to keep your sobs down, but Jack noticed all the same. His arm wrapped around your shoulder and he led you to the couch. “Talk to me, sweetheart. I can’t help you the way you need if I don’t know…” 

So you spilled it all, every single detail. How your father had left and didn’t even leave a reason. Not even a note. You hadn’t been worth a note. There wasn’t any way to find any clues with everything gone. Your mother’s spiral downward. The ever revolving door of men. The growing fear that maybe she’d start to depend on drugs as much as the alcohol. “She’s never laid a hand on me. That was the first time and for a second, Jack, I thought she was back, but then she got buried up again. She’s right there, but she’s so fucking far. And I want to be angry. More than anything. But I’m just so depressed. I don’t know, maybe it was me, maybe I am the reason he killed himself like she said.”

“Hey, hey, hey. Slow that down,” he grabbed a cloth and wiped away your tears, “I don’t know much about your father, but you couldn’t have been the reason. Your mom is just spouting bullshit because she’s angry at the world. Taking it out on you is a shit thing to do. You deserve so much better.”

You gave him a faltering smile, “I don’t deserve anything.”

“Don’t say that. I’d give you the world if I could.”

You sighed, leaning into him. There was no denying how comforting Jack Daniels was. “You’re just saying that to be sweet.”

Jack pressed a kiss to your temple. “I’m not sweet to just anyone.”

“Sure, J,” you sniffed, “Is something burning?”

“The pancakes,” Jack confirmed.

“Jack!”

“What? I had to pick my battles. You were more important.”

“Sunshine, you can’t just do that!” The term of endearment lost to you. You stood and rushed into the kitchen. The room was grey with smoke. Taking the skillet off the stove you stuffed it into the oven.

Jack opened up the windows, a shit eating grin plastered on his face. 

You raised a brow, “What got you so happy?”

“Nothin’ pretty lady. But take a seat, I promised you a breakfast and you’re getting one.”

Jack went to go grab a fan and pointed it to the window, pushing out more smoke. He pulled out a bar stool and motioned for you to sit down. Your luck had been shit lately and he was hell bent on giving you a nice day. A good homemade breakfast would be a nice start. 

“Now, sugar, I’mma try out these pancakes again. You need to try this homemade blueberry sauce ma makes. You’re going to love it.” He started to make the works. Eggs, bacon, and pancakes, no clue what you’d actually like so he gave you a selection. Jack served your plate and set a mug of coffee and a glass of orange juice in front of you.

You plucked a piece of bacon from your plate and fed it to Bess who had taken to laying on the floor beside your chair. “This is really too much. You didn’t have to.”

“I know I didn’t, but you’re so cute I couldn’t help myself.” He winked at you, “How else am I supposed to show you I’m prime husband material?”

“You’re right,” you nodded, grabbing your cup of coffee and taking a sip, “I’ll be sure to pass that on to Vanessa. Then again she doesn’t need any convincing.”

He grimaced at that, “Eat your food. Try the syrup.”

You laughed, but did as he said. A mouthful, you moaned almost instantly. “How the hell did I live so long without this?”

“It’s honest to god the best thing in the world.” 

You smiled and he noticed the small wince that followed. In that second he knew he wouldn’t be able to ever see you hurt again. Who could see your precious face and think about hurting you. As far as he was concerned all you deserved was happiness. 

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