#hoping and praying that we will see an update from her that she is alive tomorrow….

[gayalpacino]

Motaz Azaiza has been reporting extremely heavy bombing in Gaza around Al-Shifa hospital very close to him. What israel has been doing up to this point has been horrific enough but this is on another level. i am stupid and don’t know how to share a video on here from someone’s story but it’s up on his profile linked here

[sugar-plum-writer]

The Serene Peony Of Winter

Paring: Sukuna!King of Curses x Fem!Geisha Reader

Tags: Slight! mention of violence; Fem!reader; Sukuna!imagines; will be 18+ as more chapters come; slow!burn, [I want to have a good build up!], an ancient Japan romance through time with darling reader~

[If you all like it, please heart and reblog the post! to know you want to read more~ and follow for chapter updates! or leave a comment to tag you when I put out new chapters~ I will do my best to roll out UPDATES ASAP!]

New Chapter update!

@naoyagasm @janeaugustine

@teonawrites @periwinkless-universe

CHAPTER- 3

1000 days, 1000 nights- but only 3 days of peace on a chilling winter night. Frozen houses, and frozen trees all soaked up the chilling breath of winter, letting it drown them in a sheet of white― pure and pristine, so pure and pristine that even the dead get company.

You had been able to bathe with hot water continually for 3 days, which is quite a luxury in the freezing winter. Rather than eating once in 3 days, you were able to eat every 2 days― gazing at the hot meal on your table as steam rose from a gift of satisfaction, into the surroundings.

"Ahahah! Y/n! You crazy girl!", Oka-San's laughter resounded in your room, as she sat wearing her new kimono, puffing her pipe

"To think you got him interested, did not die, is a miracle~ how many women can boast about it!", fanning her ōgi in front of her, sipping tea

"Do you know how much he gave?", A cheeky grin played in the reflection of her eyes― leaning in and took out a fat couple stack of Mon in front of you, "More is there but I have hidden it~ the sound of money is music to my ears!", she laughed tossing the coins in the air

"Muah! You are such a darling~"

"This meal, the hot water, this is the power of money Y/n this winter- won't be so cold", she hummed putting the stack of Mon back into her sleeves

"If we have leftover money, I will commission a new Hikizuri for you to wear this summer", finishing what she had to say she walked out after being called by one of the Maiko, silence filled the room

"But why?", gazing at your hands― and gently touching the small mark on your cheek which somehow was gone

"It's too noisy", picking up your chopsticks, and clasping your hands you prayed― grateful for the food and the hot bath due to your new patron, The King Of Curses, your new Danna. Sure a Geisha could have only one Danna at a time, but rules never applied to him anyways.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Holding your Wagasa to shield you from the cold, you walk with one of your patrons a sorcerer, wearing a light blue Hikizuri, and light-colored flower headpieces adorn your hair. With a light laugh, you walked down the courtyard.

"Oh my! it sounds delightful", batting your eyes as you smiled, "It is, if possible I would like- you to accompany me to my estate tonight", he gazed at your face

"I have people coming from the east prefecture, your dances are top-notch"

Politely without any reaction, "I must refuse, Danna-sama, forgive me― for my body is weak hence I need rest", bowed your head slightly and looked at him

"I see, maybe some other day then", he nodded, "But― be careful, word has been around", leaning in he whispered, "A strong curse has been around this area― some suspect him, to be the King of Curses", in a serious tone― eyebrows frowned

"If you get any information, regarding this, do tell me", he took out a pouch of Mon from his sleeve, which he kept in your hand

"Farewell, then Y/n, I will bring you your favorite Monaka, I know you have a sweet tooth. For now, I hope you like this gift", handing you a bira-bira featuring bells, long chains of additional silk flowers known as shidare, and a crest of the sorcerer stamped on the flattened end.

You smiled, "Then I will await your return Danna-sama, just like the cherry blossoms, waiting for spring"

"Can you wear it for me? After all I don't know if I will be dead or alive", he laughed

You looked at him, elegantly removing some hair accessories, pinning the bira-bira in your hair, and smiled. His breath hitched, and his body froze

"Beautiful, how can you be so beautiful... thank you Y/n", he smiled and bowed his head as he walked away waving

"I hope to see you alive…", you whispered, only the wind hearing your words, as it blew past

"He will die"

You froze, feeling a chilling presence behind you, you hesitantly turned around, feeling your throat dry up, and raised your head

"Quite a Lovey-dovey moment you had, how boring- don't think about him after all-", He laughed

"Sorcerers die, left and right, for a weakling like him to even reach so far- heh", the red eyes contrast with the white snow, that smirk plastered on his face, you knew it far too well

"Sukuna-sama", you bowed your head, and before you knew it, the bira-bira was removed from your hair, between his fingers- he gazed at it

"Do not wear it, especially, in front of me, toss it away, gold looks better on you anyways, accompany me Y/n", tossing the bira-bira back to you, he leaned in

"Your Oka-San sure is quite a woman, quite a gamble she has made", he chuckled, "Isn't she far too greedy?"

"She is, I won't lie, but this greediness has brought her so far", you gave a light chuckle as you looked at him

"Then if I am greedy for you- Will I be able to go as far as I want Y/n?"

Footnote: Check out masterlist for all chapters!

[alessiamalfoyzabini]

Dark Moon | Chapter Fourteen

Pairing | yandere!Jimin x Reader

Word Count | 4,5k

Warnings | +18, yandere themes, Stockholm syndrome, fluff, smut, slight panic attack at first, body worship, pussy worship, pussy eating, face riding, fingering, nipples licking, couch fucking, vaginal sex, intense orgasms and devastating emotions, soft yandere Jimin, mentions of ruined childhood

This fanfiction is yandere, if you don't like the genre, don't read and if you are not of age, don't read.

I don't want to hear any complaints in the comments, thank you.

This does not reflect my way of thinking or living at all, it is just a work of fiction, it is like watching a horror movie, many of us love horror movies, but we would never dream of what we see in those movies happening in reality as well.

Simply put, this story was written for entertainment purposes, it should not be seen as a reflection of my values, opinions or morals. I absolutely do not condone such acts.

⤷ Summary | She just wanted to escape her past, take charge of her life and break out of her steel cage, praying in God for a miracle that could change her life for good.

And her prayers were heard, but it was not the Divine that answered her.

That was certainly the devil in the guise of an angel, she thought as those corrupted and empty eyes searched her soul with extreme voracity.

He turned a sweet, false smile on her, before pushing her into the abyss.

➢ Author's Note | Hi, guys! 🥰❤️

Hope you are happy with this update! This one is a bit longer than the others! Always let me know your thoughts, you make me very happy ❤️

PS: Forgive me for the mistakes, it was not an easy week for me and I did not have much time 😭❤️

Taglist: @katherine-kookie, @dragons-flare, @m00njinnie, @seokjins-luigi, @pjmsneverland, @jimincrystal, @ajkwww, @ungodlyjoon , @hecateslittlewitchling , @namjoonsbuspass , @darkuni63 , @xicanacorpse , @jiminismine4ever , @btssimpjaneth , @antisocial-mochi267 , @reallygenerouskoala , @velvet-stardust2002 , @angelicsmilesworld

Taglist is open!

Chapter List - Previous - Next

"I finally found you," huffed Seokjin in front of Choi Minhoo, the man had been tied to a wooden chair, only Minho, Seokjin, Jungkook and Namjoon were present in that warehouse. The latter were just waiting for Jin's order to act; they were vibrating with fury.

"Be careful, Jin! My family members won't be happy about this!" he ranted with foam at his mouth, as frightened and rabid as a rat in a trap, Jungkook growled at those words, put his hand to his gun that he faithfully kept in his pocket, but a glance from Seokjin froze him in place.

"Uh, that's scary," put on a fake pout Jin with those beautiful rosy lips of his, "Now I'm going to shit my pants, look."

"Take the piss out of me, they're going to destroy you anyway," he growled, but that only made the man in charge of the Bangtans smile more broadly.

"That slut of a cousin of yours hurt Jimin when he was just a little boy, the result was that her body was dismembered by my dogs, and she was still alive while they ate her, you kidnapped and raped his woman, which amounts to another member of my family now," he began as he walked toward Minho, before grabbing the collar of his torn jacket, "I'm tired of having to pick up the pieces of what you and your damn family break, I will kill you all, child or adult, I will eradicate you from this world as the haughty and arrogant scum that you fucking are," he hissed, tightening his grip so tightly that the tendons in his wrists trembled before he pulled away.

Inhaling before recomposing himself, Namjoon and Jungkook looked at each other with a smirk-that was Jin.

"Jin! Jin! Kim Seokjin, stop!" shouted Minho after him as the man walked away, giving way to his bodyguards, "You said you were interested in politics, right! I can introduce you to the prime minister!" he finally shouted desperately, but Seokjin ignored him expressionlessly.

Neither he nor Jimin would have soiled themselves for such a being. He had deliberately decided not to tell Jimin about Minho's capture, knowing him he would have wanted to kill him with his own hands, but he wanted him to spend more time with Y/N.

He knew that sooner or later Jimin would fall into the arms of a woman he would love with sincere passion, that was what was needed for a troubled soul like his.

They needed to be done with the Choi family forever, all of them.

For days there had been a tense air in the house, Jimin was not there-according to him he had vital research to do-and in his place Taehyung had arrived to keep her company. He did not even use the guest room, preferring the living room sofa to Y/N's dismay.

The living room was her favorite place to read and eat, with Taehyung having conquered that piece of the apartment by now she could always be found hanging around it and disappearing.

Taehyung on his part tiptoed around when she was present, feeling uncomfortable.

He had endangered her with his indifference, plus he had also seen her in an extremely delicate moment, where she was weak and naked in every way.

He always peered at the girl with a pout, undecided how to start a possible conversation, she was not helping him at all in this, she was always so quiet and on her own....

With a snort he saw her head for the kitchen for a snack. He had to do it now.

"Y/N" when he reached her the woman gasped slightly, she had not expected him to come and talk to her, they had ignored each other so peacefully until now, inside she regretted leaving her room.

"Yes?" she huffed slightly, turning away.

At first glance Taehyung looked like a man of integrity, serious and good at his job, but at that moment he was showing his face full of emotion. He seemed nervous about something.

"I ... would like to apologize to you," he said with a note of embarrassment, the girl's eyes widened.

"To me?"

"Yes, it was my fault that they managed to catch you that day. It was my responsibility to control and protect you, I broke my word and for that I apologize" Taehyung bowed respectfully, Y/N was simply stunned.

They had never treated her with that much respect, why now?

Something told her that Jimin's hand was present.

"It's not totally your fault, I attacked your friend and you were reasonably pissed off, I apologize for making you worry about Jimin's condition.... I lost my mind in that instant, I did the only thing I thought was right so I wouldn't suffer anymore," she explained with regret.

"You did what anyone would have done," Taehyung replied, "My anger aside, Jimin was not behaving well with you and you did what you thought was right, that doesn't mean I would allow you to do it again, but I can still understand and yes, it remains my responsibility what happened to you, there won't be a next time."

Y/N nodded a little embarrassed, the determined expression in those languidly slitted eyes put her slightly in awe.

"Um... would you like some strawberry tea? I've made too much for myself," she said turning slightly toward the full teapot, with a small smile Taehyung agreed.

"I love strawberries."

Jimin came home with such a serious look on his face that it made Y/N guess that it was better to turn away from him.

Taehyung had left ten minutes earlier and the idea of being alone with a Jimin in that state unnerved her, she did not want to think that the boy would attack her again for his frustrations, so it was best not to pull the cat's tail too much.

The boy in question noticed the girl's strange attitude, she was moving in a hurry to wash her dishes, she wanted to run to her room and this would have been clear even to the least empathetic person in the world.

"Y/N" the sound of his voice uttering her name so quietly made her freeze suddenly, the water continued to flow in the sink without any more purpose and she did not move to stop it, "Can you come here please?"

She closed her eyes with a soft, inaudible sigh, counted to three before turning away with a slight smile.

She left everything in the sink and turned off the water, then walked over to him who sat at the table staring at her with predatory, glittering eyes, one rings-decorated hand tapped on his thick, muscular thigh, the elastic fabric of his pants wrapped around it beautifully and she found herself swallowing, "Sit here."

She did as she was told and the boy's arms soon wrapped around her at hip level, Jimin buried his head between her neck and shoulder, inhaling her sweet scent.

Y/N felt herself flaring up, the sensation of Jimin's warm breath warmly caressing her made her heart, already swollen with unexpressed emotions, throb.

"Jimin?"

"I've missed you," he repeated the words with which he had returned her the day he found her, Y/N instantly relaxed noticing that Jimin did not mean to hurt her in any way.

"I missed you too," she returned the hug, sinking her face into the soft locks of the man who smiled broadly in response.

"It's been especially stressful to handle things today."

"Are you looking for Minho?"

She asked quietly, not giving away how much even mentioning his name destabilized her, but Jimin knew her well by now; in fact, he sent her a reproachful look.

"Don't ask things you don't want to know, baby," he softly stroked one cheek still marked by a light bruise.

"I just wish you would confide in me, you keep everything inside and then you get sick."

"I won't be sick if you're with me," he replied seriously, peering longingly at her, his eyes lowered to her sugary lips and he closed his eyes, trying to hold himself back.

"Jimin...."

"Y/N." he stopped her by pronouncing her name firmly, "I want to make love to you."

A delicious twinge of pleasure made her intimacy throb, the arms she held tightly around the boy's neck trembled, "Jimin, I don't know if..." she felt so confused.

Fuck, she wanted him. She wanted him with all her heart, but she didn't want to be reminded of Minho, or his henchman hitting her repeatedly as she and Jimin lost themselves in their moment.

"Let's try it," she narrowed her eyes at the man's pleading tone, it was a new side of Jimin she never thought she would see, perhaps he had never begged any woman to fuck, the idea that she was the first one he begged even for a kiss appealed to her, "If anything happens I will stop immediately."

After that reassurance she found herself nodding with soft legs, Jimin kissed her with transport, savoring those sweet lips that tasted of tea and strawberries, fuck, it could become his new favorite taste.

Y/N reciprocated more calmly, trying to keep up with the man's voraciousness that did not just stop at her lips, but sank into her mouth languidly seeking the woman's tongue, gently intertwining in a perfect dance for them.

In a way she found it touching how tender Jimin was in squeezing her hips without hurting her, she had never experienced such intimacy with a man before, she liked it, and she did not want it all to end and go back to the dry old normal.

When they parted a few tears escaped from the young woman's eyes, Jimin stepped back slightly wiping the path they traced along her tender cheeks.

"Should we stop?" he asked sympathetically, but Y/N denied it immediately.

"No, it's just... I liked it, I've never done it like that," she said.

"Like that?"

"So intimate, with someone who loves me" she pulled up with her nose crinkling her eyes.

Jimin's blood froze in his veins, not that he had been a saint, but those words punctuated how much the childhood of the girl he was holding in his arms had sucked.

He kissed her again, feeling in his mouth the salty, lukewarm taste of her small tears that broke his heart, yes, Park Jimin now felt sorry for a past that did not belong to him, but love did that and more, it changed people and Jimin fit perfectly into that category.

He loved her and would get anything that made her sad out of the way, he slid into the neckline of her blouse, kissing every available flap of skin before he himself pulled off every single button that separated him from that body that drove him crazy. From the first time he had seen her, he knew he would desire her every hour of every day, sometimes it hurt so much it was unbearable.

When he freed her from that restraint he found himself face to face with the young woman's bare breasts, he inhaled wordlessly at the sight, god how much he had missed this, even as Minho's now superficial footprints on that divine temple made him growl.

Then he frowned, "Were you bra-less the whole time with Taehyung around?"

Y/N shrugged her shoulders, "It hurt..." she mumbled embarrassedly, referring to the bruises clearly, the bra pressed painfully against them.

Jimin inhaled softly, again bridging the distance between the two of them with yet another kiss of the evening, lulling her gently with his breath, his hand slipped over a rosy little button, teasing its tip, which rose turgidly under Jimin's expert touch, which descended to gently lick the areola before gently biting the tip of the sensitive nipple.

Y/N in response pushed her chest into Jimin's mouth, sighing in sweet waves of desire.

The man pulled away only long enough to effortlessly pick her up and carry her to the sofa in the living room, Y/N held back a surprised sob, and she watched the man's playful smile.

"Will we do it here?" she asked curiously, Jimin chuckled.

"We'll do it everywhere, sweetheart," he sighed, attaching himself to the girl's neck with his mouth, sucking and kissing her soft neck to leave his personal mark; he wanted to remove Minho's presence everywhere from her, "And I'll make you feel sensations you never had a chance to experience."

"Mh..." she squeezed her eyes shut under the weight of Jimin descending lower and lower, marking a glowing trail of wet kisses and bites all along her belly, with his hand he passed the barrier of her panties and barely grazing her pubis he sank his hand into her intimacy, gathering between his fingers a large amount of transparent essence that had already left her throbbing slit. It was the first time he had felt her so soaked for him; it felt like a dream.

"Fuck," he cursed excitedly, quickly slipping off his pants with his free hand, giving his big, hard cock some relief.

He went back to sucking one of her turgid nipples as his fingers began to play between her folds, Y/N moved her hips willingly against his hand, in her mind the only thing present was the idea of Jimin taking her on that couch.

"How do you feel?" he asked blowing hot air on one nipple, Y/N's clit twitched seeking attention.

"It feels good... so good," she whimpered, her thighs trembling, "And I want to feel you inside me, Jimin."

The latter smiled, amazed at the woman's stance, before a more wicked grin furrowed his cheeks.

He leaned closer to the girl's ear before murmuring, "And I'm going to come inside you with my cock and my fingers, soon my cock will be the only thing you'll feel between now and tomorrow, baby doll," he ignored the girl's faster breathing and continued licking her earlobe between his lips, "But first I want you to feel what my tongue can do, I'm going to lick your pussy so well that you'll cry for it," he took off his shirt as well, showing off his well-delineated and strong abs, a deep V went down to below the layer of his boxers that he hastened to carelessly throw on the floor, the sight of his swollen cock already moist with precum made her swallow without any more saliva.

She simply spread her legs for Jimin, but the position reminded her of the one they had forced her into and she stiffened.

"Jimin..." she closed her legs again shaking her head, Jimin immediately reached for her.

"Hey, hey...what's going on, baby?"

"I can't do it like this, I'm sorry" she still couldn't get over her trauma, she was about to have a panic attack and didn't want to disappoint Jimin, but the boy hugged her again.

"There are many ways to do it," he chuckled lightly trying to make her calm down, "Don't feel wrong, you're not."

"R-Really?" she looked at him curiously, wanting to have sex with him, but other than missionary and doggy style she had not tried anything else, ever.

The man nodded, "Give me some space, love."

She did as she was told and saw Jimin lie down in her place, she stood looking at him confused.

"What should I do now?" she asked innocently, Jimin gave her a smug look.

"Sit on my face."

The woman widened her eyes, what was she to do?

"I ... are you serious?"

"Trust me, we'll both like it," he replied biting his full lips, making Y/N's legs tighten.

She sighed slightly and listened to the boy, with some difficulty due to her inexperience she found herself with Jimin's face at the height of her soggy core, she found it incredibly awkward, but that feeling of imprisonment was gone.

From his side Jimin gazed in ecstasy at her wet intimacy, licking his lips he opened her folds with a gentle thrust of his fingers, before leaving a long, slow streak of saliva with his tongue, until he stopped at her swollen and needy clitoris, Y/N widened her eyes and collapsed onto the man who did not complain.

With her nose pressed against the young woman's pubis, she sucked conspicuously on that sweet trembling pearl, Y/N cried out in shock at those strange sensations she had never experienced before, Jimin's soft tongue enveloped her softly, but the pleasure was intense, it was all so terribly beautiful and hard at the same time that she began to shake her hips trying to escape from the continuous strokes of Jimin's fast tongue. The boy seemed to love eating her.

"Fuck, oh... oh! Jimin!" she shrieked breathlessly, the man held her thighs tightly preventing her from escaping, sinking his tongue into her hot and wet entrance, Jimin's eyes rolled back at that sweet taste, he could drink Y/N's essence all his life, she would never be enough for him, his cock trembled releasing thick whitish liquid, he could have easily come that way, his balls throbbing painfully with every moan or scream the girl let out without any more reins.

"Please, please stop!" she cried as she felt something coming, something powerful and devastating.

With the tip of his tongue Jimin again played with the shiny, quivering clitoris, finishing with a light bite that made the young woman stiffen, locking her in the grip of a powerful and strong orgasm, breathtaking in places, her first fucking orgasm.

She began to tremble and weep, no longer even able to bear the gentle caresses of the man adoringly wiping away all her pleasure that had soiled the inside of her thighs down to Jimin's chin.

She rolled to the side clutching her legs and wincing again, Jimin lying on his side wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck and shoulders, gently brushed one thigh and invited her to raise one leg, "That's it, baby girl... let me feel how good I did," he chuckled as he aligned himself with her entrance, lightly pushed the massive tip of his cock already lubricated with his own cum against her ultra-sensitive slit, Y/N gasped slightly with blurred vision, but let him.

Jimin pushed himself into the sublime depths of her pussy with a delighted sigh, tried to be gentle and delicate, but her almost impossible to groove intimacy soon made him lose his mind, the girl's previous orgasm had made her walls more perceptive and consequently also tighter, each thrust was an immense rush of pleasure and stun for the boy, who pounded hard until his swollen balls popped against the girl's sweaty skin, who opened her mouth wide, feeling a stunning mix of enjoyment with a hint of pain that made her lose her mind, pressed her mouth against the back of the couch to keep from screaming, Jimin gasped against her ear.

It was different from all the other times, she was experiencing pleasure, those thrusts were delicious, not painful, Y/N was simply happy.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! You hold me so tight, my love," he sang lost in his daze, his swollen shaft began to quiver and tremble over and over again, he was coming, "Aaahh... Oh, my-! Fuck, Y/N!" he growled her name like a prayer, quickly sank his cock deeper, touching her cervix again and again, causing the woman to tremble wordlessly as she reached for the man's hand to clasp it between hers.

"I'm coming!" he exclaimed without now a breath, the girl nodded.

"Me too, oh God, me too," she replied without any more concern for her moans, Jimin smiled proudly and taking the young woman's chin in his hands he forced her to look at him.

"Open your mouth" he grunted with dark eyes, Y/N obeyed already knowing what was about to happen and accepting it with pleasure, Jimin spit into her oral cavity and before giving her time to swallow he kissed her, mixing their flavors and tongues, that was enough to make the young man's cock throb, whose pleasure exploded in violent spurts of white liquid in the girl's lap, over and over again he pumped himself into her, who came in an orgasm more intense than the previous one, she could not even find the strength to scream, she just stood there taking the man's seed in spasms.

Jimin waited for her to calm down before leaving her with his now soft and satisfied cock, he lay down beside her more comfortably and kissed her many times, wiping her face of tears with his lips and and gifting her affectionate gestures that even he did not know he was capable of.

He was fucking in love with her.

"I have a surprise for you," he murmured in her ear.

Y/N turned to him with a joyful smile, it had been two weeks since that intense and wonderful evening, Jimin had woken her up the next morning with a series of sweet kisses and breakfast in bed, he was so different from the man who had kidnapped her and that helped her fall in love with the boy even more.

"Really?" she asked trying not to appear too excited, Jimin nodded softly.

"Close your eyes," he said, but the girl looked at him suspiciously.

"Is this perhaps another one of your wild sessions that see your mouth eating me, Park Jimin?" she said with a raised eyebrow, Jimin at first had spent so much time telling her that he would never give her pleasure with his mouth, she still could not believe how much the boy liked to use his tongue to fuck her over and over again, he seemed almost obsessed. She obviously did not complain.

Jimin grinned slyly, "That one later, love," he chuckled, confirming the girl's thoughts, but Y/N stopped at that affectionate nickname, he always called her "love".

She smiled with a warmed heart once again and closed her eyes, when Jimin was satisfied he moved on to the next step.

"Now open your hands."

Y/N puffed slightly, but listened to him once more, something very light and rectangular was placed on her palms.

"Open your eyes."

When she opened her eyes again, she found herself in front of an emerald-colored letter. It was beautiful, little gold leaves were drawn around the edge, intertwining, but still she did not understand what the boy was getting at.

"You wrote me a letter?" she laughed softly, but Jimin shook his head.

"Open it..." he said simply, and there Y/N could see all his nervousness.

She looked at it again, opening it slowly and pulling out a parchment-colored wrapper, she unwrapped it too and her breath caught.

She brought a hand to her mouth and sobs immediately escaped her control, Jimin held her by the shoulders to prevent her from falling.

In her hands were two photographs, the first depicted her sister smiling in the arms of a man with western features, it had been taken at a park well lit by green trees and sunlight, she looked so happy and healthy.

In the second she always had a big smile on her face, but in her arms she held a small bundle that she looked at with eyes full of love.

"She's alive," she sobbed against the chest of Jimin, who nodded relieved to have seen no negative reaction.

"Yes, she ... was bought by a wealthy american, he wanted to give her to his son as a birthday present, but he didn't expect that his son would fall in love with her and decide to marry her, she is fine and lacks absolutely nothing, Y/N."

Y/N lifted his flushed gaze into that of the boy, "Thank you, Jimin.... I know you shouldn't have investigated a client, but you did and I thank you," she hugged him as if he was her only pillar of support, which he really was.

But the boy did not look happy, shortly afterwards he sighed.

"There is also another thing in truth."

Y/N broke away slightly.

"I know everything, I know why you ran away from your family, I know why you changed your name, everything."

The woman froze.

She began to shake her head, trying to pull away, but Jimin held her back, "How did you… no, why?" she was lost, why would Jimin do such a thing? She wanted to forget her past!

"How long have you known?"

"Since you disappeared, the last words you said to me… I had to understand, Y/N."

"No! You shouldn't have done-"

"Your uncle met the end he deserved to meet," he said suddenly.

The implication was there, heavy in both their minds.

They looked at each other a few moments, then Jimin hugged her out of the blue.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," he began to repeat like a mantra with his lips pressed to her temple, "He won't hurt you anymore, baby," he whispered, Y/N snuggled softly against him.

"Never again?" she made in a tiny little voice, as if the child self was asking for reassurance from the man who had become the center of her world.

"Y/N, I haven't changed," he said, the steel in his eyes confirmed to the girl what she had suspected. Jimin had not changed, he loved her and treated her well, but the killer behind those half-moon eyes that smiled at her was always there, ready to snap at Kim Seokjin's every command, and to tell the truth that realization calmed her, "I made him pay for every single disgusting thing he did to you and I made sure he will never do anything like that to anyone else ever again," he concluded, returning his mind to the moment of capture.

It had not been easy to track him down, it had turned out that he was a loan shark under the command of another Korean Mafia family, that was what got him a lot of money unlike his brother and sister-in-law.

"He played us, he said he was going to help our family," she trembled with her eyes glazed over and grainy, looking at Jimin with sadness and sorrow, "Instead it was just an excuse to..." a gasp of vomit blocked the words in her throat, Jimin brushed a light kiss against her forehead.

"That bastard got the punishment he deserved, now you're with me, that's what's important, okay?" Y/N nodded quickly, seeking comfort in his arms. Little Y/N cried bitterly in the mind of the now adult girl, seeing her mother giving in under her father's pressure, the man feared losing her brother's favor and ending up on the street.

"Do you really love me?"

"More than my own life," Jimin replied immediately, Y/N licked her lips.

"Good, because I love you too, Jimin," she whispered dimly, but the boy heard her anyway, smiling relieved he still cradled her with his chin resting on her head.

"I'll take care of you, I won't let you lack anything," he promised, Y/N closed her eyes letting him carry her to bed like a cute little doll.

[lady-charinette]

Chapter 15 The Beast in Her Home

Me: says I will update every month

Also me: well, that was a LIE, huh

I’m really sorry for not updating in…did 3 years pass already (damn)? I started working part-time while gunning to finish my degree and slowly decaying mentally, so that put a damper on the overall progress of this fic. Oh and my phone got kidnapped, turned up in a puddle just outside my uni and stopped working, all my notes for this story (and so many others T_T) were on there so…I'm basically going in blind with what my original ideas for this fic were

Chapter 15

Stuck with being babysat by the lady cop’s two henchmen, Chat Noir tried to settle in a more comfortable position, allowing his mind to wander with the possibility of escape null.

He remembered the familiar warmth from Marianne’s embrace, how the fire immediately scalded his eyes and clouded his vision. The tremble in his hands when he finally dared to hug her back had ghosted over his body like a memory, one he wanted to forget yet craved to remember all the same.

Chat Noir never would’ve thought she was alive and well, he had hoped for it of course, but never truly dared to believe so for any member of his family.

Well, any that he still considered family, that is.

Their laughter still faintly rang in his ears, as if they were still there but a distance away, still there to play with him and welcome him home with open arms.

A home that had disappeared so cruelly.

Chat Noir didn’t dare dream anymore, dream of laughter and joy.

Not since the fateful day, he lost everything.

Shaking his head as if to physically dislodge the dark cloud looming over his mind, Chat Noir’s gaze moved to the lock system on the windows, mindful of the fleeting gazes of the watchdogs seated at the table.

He was able to pick the lock if the window hadn’t been locked from the outside, unfortunately, it seemed the lady cop had picked up on it sometime in the past several days.

Last night proved to be an unsuccessful attempt to flee, the robust double windows hadn´t budged an inch when Chat Noir had tried to open them. He would have applauded the detective for investing in a secure house, especially given her profession, but it was a thorn in his current predicament.

Sighing loudly, ignoring the raised eyebrows of the police officers, Chat Noir gazed outside at the trees, following the little rays of light manifesting as tiny spots between the gaps of the moving leaves.

And then, he saw a flash of white and blue.

Chat blinked and did a double-take.

When he glanced at the spot again, there was only green and brown and the sun, no colors of white or blue.

Must’ve been a figment of his imagination, still, his imagination chose two very odd, if very familiar, colors to see.

----

“Aurore, duck or you’ll get caught!”

“You see him? He’s restrained.”

“Yeah, no kidding, if boss were our enemy I would keep him under multiple locks too.”

“Who would’ve thought Chat Noir would let himself get caught that easily.”

Renier turned towards Roy, making sure not to disturb the bush they were hiding behind. “Listen Roy, if you were ambushed by the enemy and surrounded by the police a second later with damn tasers and guns, pray tell how you would not get caught. If Chat hadn’t warned us, we would’ve been captured too. It’s only because of him we’re still free and walking.”

Roy looked ready to argue until Aurore wedged herself between them and patted both her teammate’s shoulders. “Hey, there’s no need butting horns right now. Roy didn’t mean it like that,” she turned to look at Renier, “-and you need to keep a cool head. I know you’re worried over him but there’s not much we can do in broad daylight with two guys standing guard over him. Let’s wait till night to make our move.”

Ren sighed, shooting an apologetic nod towards Roy, who nodded in return. “You’re right Aurore, it’s just…” Ren turned his head to glance back through the windows, watching his friend and de facto leader chained like a dog in an unfamiliar, dangerous place. “…it’s difficult seeing him like this.”

The young woman smiled, squeezing her friend’s shoulder. “I know. He’ll be free soon, I promise.”

Ren nodded and spoke. “Yeah, let’s regroup and figure out a plan for tonight.”

The group gave their imprisoned leader one last look before they quietly made their leave. The bitterness of their inaction left a sour taste in their mouths, but at least they knew for sure where Chat Noir was.

All they needed to do was figure out how to get him out.

----

Chat Noir rolled his eyes when Tweedledee chuckled at something Tweedledum showed him on his phone. What was this? Weren’t they cops? Was this what the police were doing while on duty?

He kicked the side of the coffee table in front of him, immediately the bigger of the two cops lifted his hand toward his gun, the other whipped around so fast Chat thought he would break his spine.

Kim grit his teeth. “Hey, no funny business. The odds are against you, buddy.”

“I’m not your buddy.” Chat spat through gritted teeth, all venom.

“Trust me, we want to be here as much as you want to, but until lieutenant Dupain-Cheng returns, we stay here.” Ivan removed his hand from his gun, eyes never leaving Chat Noir’s half-sprawled form on the couch during Kim’s irritated speech.

Chat Noir huffed, stretching his legs to kill the building numbness in them. His restraints did little to make him feel less of a caged animal, the sting of his wounds made matters all the worse. Chat was sure he could take down the two cops, he had fought against worse adversaries, none of which survived, but in his current state, he wouldn’t gamble and possibly suffer worse injuries.

He remembered the impact that had rattled his skull and nearly shattered his jaw when Couffaine had punched him at the precinct, the rage that lit up his eyes as soon as he saw the lieutenant’s injuries. Chat Noir couldn’t help but feel a hollow sensation spreading from within his chest, did he have breathing problems? Was this a side effect from his still bruised ribs?

…Or did the guilt that ate away at him finally catch up?

Chat Noir’s gaze flicked down to the TV remote and moved from his seat on the couch to grab it. The stouter male officer immediately turned his head in his direction, so fast that Chat Noir thought he might pull a muscle.

“The remote.” He gestured towards the black TV remote on the table and both officers nodded, returning to their senseless activity of chewing on snacks and talking in hushed voices not even Chat himself could pick up.

Grumbling to himself under his breath, the TV flicked to life with one click.

The first thing that greeted him was the poser chef from the grotesque cooking show, the channel was immediately changed, something along the lines of “on my hit list” was muttered into the air.

The other channel made Chat Noir sit straight up, the hairs at the back of his neck standing straight.

Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be longer with an intense scene!

AO3

[renee-writer]

April 15th Chapter Forty-one

AO3

Mrs. Fraser,

We regret to inform you that your husband, Lieutenant William Fraser is missing in action.

Be assured, that everything is being done, that can be done, to find him.

We will keep you updated.

 

 

The telegram falls from her nerveless hands. Brian catches her while Ian retrieved the telegram. He reads it and then again, aloud.

 

“He isn’t dead. I would know.” Mary says from the chair Brian led her to. Claire kneels beside her, holding her hand.

 

“No, not dead, just missing.” Ian hobbles over and sits down. He doesn’t say that it depends on who has him, whether that status would change. Somethings are better left unsaid.

 

“There is hope.” Jenny declares. Her big brother can’t be gone. It is untenable.

 

“Aye hope. We shall cling to it.” Brian declares. He prays daily, sometimes hourly, for his sons and their safe return. He has one back. He will keep faith that William and Jamie will also return.

 

Claire pats her hand. Yes, she is concerned for William but, he and Jamie are always together. What if her husband? Has something happened to Jamie?

William

He has no idea where he is. It is cold, damp, and so dark he can’t see his anything. With focus, he strains to remember what lead up to this. There was a scrimmage. The Germans trying to advance. Had they held them off? He can’t  remember. What can he?

 

Screams. Blood. Explosion. Was he buried? He tries to reach his hand out only to find them held to his side. Was he tied up? Or does the earth hold him?

 

Panic starts to build. Was he buried alive?! No, he can draw deep breaths. His hands touch his uniform pants, not dirt. Captured then. He isn’t sure if that is better or worse.

Jamie

There is a sense of lightness as his body is flung, arse over head, by the force of the explosion.  It doesn’t last long. His face hits the ground and he taste dirt. Rough German voices are the first thing he hears once his hearing returns.  The next sensation is pain, tearing and ripping across his back. He taste blood as he bites his lip.

 

He mustn’t cries out. They think him dead. He has picked up some German over the last eighteen months. Eventually the voices fade away. The night falls and he fears he really may die. He closes his eyes and sees Claire walking to him. He smiles.

 

“Stay with me!” The voice is unknown. His eyes fly open and he screams as the pain from his back comes fully to his conscious.

 

“There he is. He may live, poor bugger. It might have been better had he not. Reapply the ether.  I need to get this mess debrided.”

 

His screams are cut off with the mask of ether. Even unconscious, he is aware of the pain.

[orionares]

Whumptober, Day 17

Whumptober, Day 17: Breaking Point

The Rookie 

-----------

This serves as a sequel to "This shouldn't have happened", found here.

—-------------------

Lucy hits her breaking point at the twenty- four hour mark. 

In the academy, cadets are taught to be smart during investigations. Especially during cases that hit close to home. 

Know when you're compromised- a retired officer now instructor had warned though his eyes had told a completely different story. 

Walk away and let the others take the lead- another instructor had concluded at the end of a lesson on the catastrophic kidnapping case that had rocked the LAPD back in the 80s. An officer's wife had been taken by a high ranking cartel member in retaliation and poor guidance and the officer's recklessness had led to the wife's death. 

For the first twenty- four hours, Lucy stays, knowing full well that she should step away and let the others take the lead on finding Tim.

But when the stopwatch she’s set on her phone clicks over to 24 hours, 0 minute, 1 second since the security alert in Tim’s home system had gone off, she’s done. 

Lucy rises to her feet and starts marching towards the door of the conference room. She ignores Thorsen’s hesitant calls of her name as she moves into the wallway and down towards the interrogation rooms corridor of the precinct. 

When she passes the briefing room, Lucy can see Angela's eyes widen at the sight of her and Nolan shoot up from his chair. 

They're going to try and stop you, her conscience screams in the back of her mind, but this ends now. 

Sergeant Grey is standing outside the interrogation door when she turns the corner. She's sure he's either keeping guard from her last blowup or he's somehow gotten wind of her approaching and beaten her to the door. 

Grey doesn't look up from his open folder in hand until she's a foot in front of the door with an arm stretched out towards the handle. In the blink of an eye, he shuts the folder and grabs the door handle. 

 "I hope like hell you aren't about to do what I think you're about to do," Grey asks, frowning. 

“Sir…move,” Lucy growls. “please.” 

“Officer Chen, I’m going to take your tone being due to going a day plus without sleep,” Grey replies. He steps directly in front of the door. “You aren’t going anywhere near Rosalind.”

“Tim’s missing- he's been missing for a day because of me.”  Lucy points at the one way window where Rosalind is visible, smirking as she continues to sit at the center table. “I am done sitting around and letting her get off on us running around-”

“Rosalind’s been enjoying toying with people and getting under their skin for years,” Grey argues. He narrows his eyes at her and asks, “You know that this is what she wants, right?”

“If it gets Tim home, I don’t care!” 

Grey glances up above her to where she assumes tNolan, Thorne and Angela are hovering. He sighs and removes his hand from the door. “And when lawyers tear up the charges she’ll get for kidnapping Bradford because I let you scream at her multiple times-”

If he’s still alive, Lucy prays silently.

“-everything that we can use goes out the window and we’re back to square one, maybe even further if you go in that room and do anything that could end your career.” He looks around the hallway again before lowering his voice, “this isn’t on you, Lucy.” 

“She said that she’d-” the words, trying to say the words Rosalind marked him like she and Caleb marked me fail to leave her lips.

“And we won’t know that to be true until we find him.” Grey reminds her just a small beep rings from Lucy’s phone. He nods down to the phone and says, “Take a step back and let us handle finding Bradford while you go home, take a shower- hell, answer your phone.”

“And I’ll take you home,” Nolan offers. Lucy winces and drops her shoulders before pulling out her cellphone. She’s expecting an update text from Ginny, an update demand text from Harper, still home on medical leave ,or a random spam text. 

Instead she finds an address from a burner phone and in all capital letters-

COME GET YOUR BOY

—-----------

I can’t die here.

I can’t die here.

Tim Bradford repeats the four words over and over as he shivers on the cold, concrete floor. It keeps him grounded during his brief periods of consciousness and distracted from the regrets creeping up on him in the passing hours.

I should be a more involved, better uncle. 

I should do more as a training officer for future officers.

I should be a better friend. 

In the dark room he’s been abandoned in, Tim hears a voice grumble something inaudible. He shuts his eyes and tries to maintain a steady breath that’ll keep whoever sits in the room from checking on him. 

 I can’t die here. 

The words suddenly change as he feels himself beginning to drift.

I will make it back to you, Lucy.

[awesomesaucem]

About-Face

Chapter three of The Wanting Comes in Waves (19,651 words)

Marianne stumbles onto more questions than answers as she unwittingly falls into a new routine. Stranger and stranger still, she pries at pieces of this puzzle she didn't want to be a part of in the first place.

Word Count for Chapter: 6,878

Woof what a break! I have returned once again with this fuckery. Also remember that post I made about having at least 10k words this chapter? Yeaaahhhh sorry. Just go ahead and redact all that.

Anyway, I did kinda rush this at the end so sorry if there's some awkward moments here or there. I currently do not have a beta reader (nudge nudge, wink wink) and chatgpt is down so I got zero feedback on this update. Hope its ok oof.

a/n for chapter: me months and months ago: hmm i think i can update on a weekly basis... me now: LMAO BITCH YOU THOUGHT Many apologies and thanks for patience with me here yall. I am alive and well for the most part. Work is painful. School is painful. You know how that goes. To make up for it, you see that handy little chapter number update? yeahhhh shits plotted OUT. So much is planned for this fic it's not even funny anyway BUCKLE UP. THE ANGST WILL BEGIN MOMENTARILLY enjoy, babies. And as always-thank you for reading :)

The clang of workers’ routine stole Marianne from a sleep she wasn’t aware of falling into in the first place. Rattling of pots and pans; scrubbing, scraping. Singing. Nothing like the morning before where there were only leering eyes and sinking feelings. Slicing open the padding beneath her, she slid her knife between the hay and silently prayed over it once again. It’s gone through quite enough with her already, but their knowledge of her treasure could very well mean death. Her breath clouded for a moment, deciding the blanket should join her for the day; not only as extra warmth but she would take all the layers of protection she could get. Still unbound and unwatched, she tried the door only to be met with the raised fist of Steph seemingly about to knock. They both stared in an abashed beat of silence. 

“The Captain sent me,” she offered as explanation. “You’ve been quiet all day.”  

“All day?” She looked around outside at the hard working crew. “I guess I slept a little late, huh?”

Steph's gaze hardened in both confusion and concern. “You mean you’re just now waking up? We all had lunch a few hours ago. Someone brought you some, but they said you weren’t hungry,” she recalled. Her tone shifted immediately into something more urgent. “Did no one come to check on you? Who did you speak to?” Nearly each word was punctuated with a heavy step forward pushing them both into the room. 

“Uh, I-” Marianne was more confused than intimidated by the rapid interrogation. “I’m not sure.” She thought briefly to her dreamless sleep, not noting any visitors of significance. If someone had spoken in her room, she wasn’t aware of it.  “I don’t remember, I'm sorry.” Steph snatched her wrist in hand and led her to the bed. In the other was a bundle of jars and rags with some metal instruments thrown into the mix as well. 

“Girl’s sorry,” she grumbled under her breath. “Beaten and slept for days, not eating, and she’s sorry.” Her calloused hands lightly tugged the hem of Marianne’s tunic. “Up. I need to look at you.”

Stunned, she shot a glance to the open door and back to Steph in a silent plea. Without even looking behind her, her boot clanged against the wood and shut it with a click. Her brows shot up. Better? they ask. 

Her own shaking hands gripped the edge of her tunic in response and pulled upward to reveal mottled purples and yellows from the days prior. Any scrapes from Roland's boots or the dirty floor were mostly cleaned during last night's bath. Marianne knew time and rest were needed to heal the hurt beneath the surface, but Steph had to make sure. She was expecting far worse if her supplies gave indication, but Marianne meant nothing to her; this was most likely an order from the Captain. But then again, she was a prize to be hand delivered. If she was broken on arrival, someone would surely pay for it. Without a legitimate reason to argue, she allowed her wounds to be dressed. 

Steph worked in trained concentration. Softly yet methodically she prodded at the watercolor of blood beneath skin searching for anything more dire. Mostly she worked in silence except for the occasional hiss from Marianne at a particularly harsh poke which was met by an apologetic hum from her surveyor. Wraps of cloth soaked in liquid smelling strongly of rum and menthol were drug across her ribs and chest, wretching a muffled cry from Marianne as it seeped into any weeping lesions it found. The harsh burn subsided into a warm sting as Steph finally deemed her attentions enough and bound her sternum in fresh cloth.

“That should be enough for now. Nothing I haven’t seen, nothing I can’t mend,” she chatted, packing up her supplies. “You’re tougher than you look, you know,” she added.

“I know,” she retorted, keeping her eyes downcast at their hands. 

Steph scoffed at her cockiness, nudging her knuckles lightly against her chin to tilt her gaze skyward.  

“Oh, I know. Quite the tiger you are,” she laughed. “Got the Captain worked up for sure.”

That caught her attention. 

“The Captain,” she began precariously.  “Who is he? I mean who is he really?” The silence that followed was uneasy for the both of them. Cocking her head, she searched for any answer she could find in the stoic woman’s eyes. “You know something. Tell me.” It wasn’t a question. But if there was a time for answers, it would be now. She was tired of being left in the dark. Steph’s cordial demeanor soured immediately into forced professionalism. 

“He is our Captain. What more is there?” A single heavy palm braced the mattress to steady herself as she excused herself from the bed to take her leave. For as strong as she was in a fight, she seemed to turn away from conversation. “Try not to sleep on your right side, girl. Nothing’s broken but you’ll be feelin’ it for a while.”

Marianne nodded, ignoring the defensive change of topic and busied her hands with whatever scraps that ended up left behind. The quick muttering and shuffling at the door caught her attention once more as the very same Captain was at the threshold exchanging knowing looks with Steph as she stepped around him. The tension, unfortunately, stayed behind with Marianne.

“So, er,” he scrambled for words at Steph’s leave. “I take it you’re faring much better, then?” 

She rubbed at the phantom twinge of chains that have long since sunk into deep, murky waters and hummed low in her throat. 

“I am.” 

As watched as she felt, she made sure to observe in equal measure the ferine creature whose kindness shown in the decimation of men and possession of their wives. 

“You gave us all quite the scare. I know this is less than ideal, but my will toward you is not unkind if you’ll believe it.”  

Loitering uncomfortably, he continued. 

“Roland joined us today as well. Asking for you.” 

Fear and anger alike bubbled in her throat.

“What words in any of the realms would I have to exchange with that wretch -”

“None,” he yielded a hand to interrupt. “The last thing I need is two extra bodies on board who can’t control themselves. Now get dressed. You’re due to pull some weight around here unless you’d rather join him in the bilge.” 

___

Before she could even think, a week went by. Then another. Day after day of choring, hearty food, and good conversation passed by in a comfortable blur. As it turns out, they were remarkably self-sustainable. Nothing was wasted aboard the ship and everything had a use. They also were thoroughly prepared from the chickens living below deck to the seemingly endless potable water that never refrained from surprising her. Scuppers were even plugged up to collect any rain water and sheep's pelts hung alongside the sails to catch morning dew each day. This plus the two months of fresh water they started with granted them surplus amounts for bathing, washing, or cooking. Much to Marianne’s satisfaction, someone let slip that the Captain was indeed from the mountains and used heavy blocks of ice to immensely extend the lives of their perishables until they melted and joined the stock as well. There are only so many uses you can get from the same water, however. If she wasn’t as exhausted and filthy as she was her first night on board, she would have realized the thin layer of cooking oil that went unnoticed among the soaps before she sunk into it. But she was clean despite any impurities of the water. And more importantly, she was grateful. 

Since it was made very clear she would have a purpose on board after she was able, they wasted no time at all putting her to work. The little experience she had doing work of any kind limited her options of positions, yet they made do with her. Peeling potatoes isn’t exactly skilled labor. Mending and sewing were also available tasks and those too required the skill she was thankful to have. Those less fortunate with the knowledge muttered swears and hisses during their feeble attempts at stitching and took her back to a time when her fingers were also as bandaged up as her newfound friends’. While Brutus wouldn’t mind a needle, his hands weren’t exactly dainty nor dextrous.

As the days turned into nights, her unease gradually dissipated and without her permission she became as tamed as a mangy stray with a full belly. As her aches and pains left, so did her ferocity. One of the shiphands even taught her to play some obscure, backstreet card game where they played for extra pieces of meat and scraps of fabric. She still didn’t quite understand the rules in its entirety, but she seemed to be winning. The other players traded knowing glances which is when she realized they were letting her win, the bastards! They want to play shady? Marianne could play shady. Hamming it up, she trashed a few bluffs and discarded some wilds completely by accident, oh my! and snuck a few more winnings into her pile. This only seemed to egg them on more. If she actually paid attention to the rules, more winnings was actually not how to win, if you would believe it, and she walked away with nothing after all. Her own fault for not expecting pirates to play dirty, really. Grumbling, she pushed away from the crate-turned-table and excused herself to her quarters. One of the more skilled players snuck her a snack or two as she left as thanks for keeping them entertained for a moment or two. Nothing too indulgent. They were known for sneaking a piece of crusty bread or salted meat into their pockets now and again, but she appreciated the gesture all the same. 

She supposed it was time to give these brutes their deserved grace as she’d harshly misjudged them from the start. The very same group that tore a military vessel entirely to pieces was the very same group that looked on her scars and snuck her little things to sink her teeth in. Each passing day became that much more comfortable. That much less spent anticipating the next disaster. Falling into routine proved easier than she could have predicted when she wasn’t constantly fearing for her life. 

More and more was she fully content to stay in this dream and never wake. No more tutors or disapproving glances from her father. No more wondering who she’ll bribe next to let her sneak out night after night. Whether she meant to or not, she had found a funny kind of freedom here at sea. But then again there was still a warm bed at home waiting for her. It was fun to dream, but what happens when the other shoe drops? You’re still a prisoner here. Nothing has changed. Just as a stray never forgets its fight no matter the hand that feeds it, Marianne never forgot her blade still hidden and discrete.  

Her trek back to her chambers was interrupted by clattering somewhere down around the bilge. She wasn’t allowed down in that part of the ship as that was where supplies and Roland of all things were kept, but she didn’t care to explore around the filth anyway. There were only so many potatoes you could look at. The clanging grew louder, drawing the attention of the rest of the crew. Suddenly everything halted as Roland himself clamored up to the main deck. Speak of the Devil and he shall appear. 

Someone who was so vain about his appearance had never looked more haggard. His clothes were shredded and filthy and plastered to his frame with far too much sweat which showed the awkward angle of his shoulders jutting out from beneath them. Arms bound behind his back, he could do not much else but stare and panic. A long dried trail of blood lined his temple and was flaked away in some places, but held clumps of hair to his face against their will. Bare feet stumbled as he turned, frantically, looking for any last minute hiding places or methods of escape. Resembling more a deranged animal than a Navy Captain, a bitter satisfaction simmered from deep within Marianne. She was a captive, but he was the real prisoner. No one even had the chance to grab him before Boggart slunk out of his quarters to see just what the excitement was all about. Roland went from deranged beast to cornered snake at the sight of the man and instantly regressed to a floundering mess. 

“N-n-now Crowley, please, let’s discuss this like gentlemen. I’m sure there’s been some mistake, here. I truly do admire you greatly and sir, ‘n I just don’t understand how I’ve offended you to this point-I really don’t!”   

Everyone's attention turned to behind the sniveling rat as Thad, the meek quartermaster,  finally caught up with hands on his knees and heaving breaths in between words of “sorry, sir” and “too fast!” Boggart surveyed the broken man and offered him a glance holding everything from anger to disappointment as he stepped forward. 

“Mmh,” he grunted. “Not so lucky I found you though, Roland.” Keeping his chin tucked, he tried constraining his words to a minimum clumsily slipping into his false accent without proper warning. Marianne said nothing to indicate the switch but smiled to herself as Roland sagged to his knees in submission. 

“Whatever I’ve done, I’ll right it!” He begged. “You’re reasonable, sir. Intelligent and reasonable and, and-”

 A click of a pistol silenced his whining as the cold barrel was pressed to his temple. 

“That’s quite enough, Captain. My business is my business and you’ll endure. Do you know why that is?” 

Roland swiftly shook his head, flinging his sweat-matted hair free from his cheek. 

“Because animals endure. And what do we do with a sick animal, men? ” His eyes and pistol remained on the poor bastard at his feet as he addressed his crew. 

“We put ‘em down!” Many voices shouted from their various positions on deck. 

“We put ‘em down.” His teeth were on full display in all their voraciousness.  Roland’s eyes nearly popped out of his skull.

“No! Sir, please!” He pleaded, openly weeping. But Marianne saw through his crocodile tears. She knew this man would only beg for his life just because it was something he could take. There was no value to it, only consequence. Boggart finally turned his cool gaze her way, nearly freezing her along with it. 

“What say you, Marianne? Does he live to see another day?”

Rolland turned his wallowing to her as well along with each other pair on the ship. 

“I,” she considered. On the one hand, he’ll never exist in her life again. His demanding hands will never touch another living soul; no longer grasping in the dark desperate for tithings. She, and all others, will be free of him as long as they too exist. Yet his teary, snake-like eyes bore into her anxiously awaiting the decision of the woman he owned-at least for a time. Her vows made in lace and satin and glittering things under her father’s scrutinous eye urged for her hesitation. For eternity, she promised. Forsaking all others. 

“Come on, Marianne,” he whispered in one last solicitation. The air stilled. 

“Girl?” Boggart whispered, urging for a decision. 

She too shook her head, almost in a panic, as dread pooled any and everywhere it could worm its way into her from head to toe. The short snapping of the hammer disengaging awarded Roland his undeserved reprise as his own dreadful feelings left him in a breathy and relieved sigh. 

“Oh, Marianne! How I adore you, believe me. You know I’d do anything to make this right,” he bowed his head to the dirty floor and blubbered into the planks while Boggart rolled his eyes at the display. Turning to look behind him at the girl who spared such a lowly creature his eyes were uncertain, but firm. Disapproving, yet understanding. 

With his back turned, Roland seized his opportunity to lurch up and dart for anywhere other than at the feet of his subjugator. The crew shouted their alarm and scrambled to subdue the man again, but Boggart raised a halting hand in favor of words as well as his weapon. 

“Roland, I give you this last chance,” he warns over the noise at the rat zig-zagging through the deck searching for sanctuary. His words go unheard, however, as he darts and weaves behind barrels and crates, trying to find somewhere, anywhere that will grant him a few extra precious seconds of life. 

“Please, lad,” he whispers in one last warning, forgetting his false inflection for a breath.  

Finally heeding, Roland suddenly whips his head around eyes wide in recognition and stretches his mouth wide to utter accusatory words otherwise interrupted by the unanticipated firing of a gun sending its bullet right between the poor man’s eyes.  

Marianne bit her tongue at the viscera as she witnessed the death of her husband for a second time. 

Pocketing his handgun, Boggart sneered at the mess while the burn of spent gunpowder dissipates. 

“S-sir, he…” Thad gasped meekly from where he stood to the rails. 

“I know,” he avowed.

More knowing exchanges eluded Marianne as so much secrecy was had in such an intimate crew. One moment she was jesting along with her shipmates and the next it was like a haze shrouded them, separating her entirely. It was frustrating. It was nerve wracking. 

It’s annoying is what it is.  

“Thad!” He barks at the still-heaving man. “Clean up this eyesore, will you?” 

“Of course, sir,” he pants. “But first you need to see the bilge.”

Boggart sighs, smoothing over his beard very much irked.

“What’s wrong with the bilge, Thadius?” 

He squirms under his unhappy Captain’s glare. 

“Well, it’s uh,” he struggles for words until Steph wrecks an elbow into his ribs forcing them out.

“Underwater! It’s underwater, Captain,” he sputters. “Roland kicked through some loose boards as a distraction. We need to dock for repairs.” 

His jaw clenched and unclenched in disdain, fighting the urge to tear into the small man. 

“We had just resupplied some two weeks ago, mate. I didn’t plan for an emergency stop in our schedule.” 

“Well, we’re going to have to. At least a quarter of the new chicks have drowned already and that’s not even counting the water we’ve taken on.” 

Thinking of any second options, Boggart resolves to stamp past the crew. 

“Hoist the mains, gentlemen!” He bellows, forgoing reason. “Ready to ground!” 

While Thad did his best not to heave at the blood underfoot, the rest of the crew scrambled to ready the masts and gather everything they needed to ready the ship for land leaving Marianne to process. Luckily the winds were favorable and they found a quaint little alcove far away from any form of civilization in no time at all. Immediately after reaching land, the ramp was tossed.

The ramp leading to the shore was caked in sand from the years of use. Crates and barrels of dry goods and sleep mats were carried arm to arm by meandering shiphands as Marianne watched them all. The chill of early Spring was holding everyone tightly still sending a wave of ice through to her bones and shivering, she looked to the emerging stars in the twilight. Long, winding shadows were cast from the conifer border to the inland. In fact, the treeline wasn’t too far from the shore and looked thick enough to get lost in. She leaned closer over the creaking railing to judge the distance. If she managed to get past the already busy crew, she’d just need to sprint through the brush. Far enough inward and they’d have less and less of a chance to capture her twice. A hand at her shoulder startled her from her dangerous train of thought - it seems her musings caused her to roam perfectly in the way of the workings that reminded her so much of ants. Murmuring an apology, she resumed her positioning off to the side and firmly out of the way. 

Each member of the crew had something different in their arms. All crates and containers of sorts but each was meticulously labeled in stark, bold lettering burned into the sides. Dried meats, flour, tools, what have you were passed down one by one. Everyone had a job to do but her. Next, a metal cage with several of the surviving chickens was pushed to the ramp inspiring her. Everyone was busy after all. All she’d need was a distraction and her knife. 

___

Sand squished between her toes as her legs carried her as far and fast as they physically could while she ignored the howling behind her mixed with panicked cackling of the startled fowl. Harsh winds whipped and whirled around her, almost guiding her forward as she couldn’t get it into her lungs fast enough. Bobbing and winding through the dense wood, she didn’t dare look behind her, couldn’t afford it. If she had, she’d see the sliver of a thin hand silently halting the rest of his crew as a single man stepped into the trees. 

Heartbeat thundering in her ears, she finally slowed to catch her breath in heady gulps. The pounding in her chest matched that in her head, but she was too far gone to stop now. Now was not the time for giving up. Resting against a nearby tree she thought about the stories she would tell Dawn when she finally returned home; the crying they would do. The fear they would both put into their father. She could weep at the almost taste of her mother’s recipes just out of reach. Her bed, her blades, her sister, all seemingly paces away. Did she have any sense of where to go in the heavy foliage? Absolutely not. But all she really needed was to put enough distance between her and the creatures at her back. All she needed was an unfamiliar face and the promise of reward and she’d be home. 

A nearby snapping of twigs broke her from the fantasy. Catching her breath somewhere between her heart and her lungs she waited; hands clasped at her lips to not even let the fog of breath escape. Scratching bark to her back shielded her from any searching eyes as she counted the urgent beating of her heart. Rather than haunted by the ever persistent threat of Roland’s men, she was instead hunted, rather, by a fresh threat of her own creation. The wheezing of trapped breath behind her palms threatened to reveal her; remaining calm must take priority. One, two, three, four, five, six. She counted with each stampeding beat. One, two, three, four, five, six.  Leaves crunch from behind the nearby brush. Onetwo, threefour, fivesix.  A scurrying of something much smaller than her from ahead, frightened. Onetwothreefourfivesix. The shadow of strong shoulders and hooked nose hovered behind her sanctuary and for an instant there was nothing for her to count. Just as he rounded the edge of the trunk, she bolted once more revealing her position but willing her legs to test their limits and ignored the fire in her lungs. 

The Captain hollered triumphantly and soared after her, his own legs that were much longer and stronger granted him just enough extra speed to gain on her and close the distance. With a roar that mingled alongside her yelp, his deft fingers gripped the back of her tunic and pulled sending her flying backward and landing harshly on the cold ground. Luckily she kept her breath which she used to scream every obscenity she could recall while he pinned her beneath him.

His breath was hot in her face as she bucked and struggled against his unwavering grasp. She was all nails and teeth and elbows, and she wondered exactly what the rest of the crew was thinking back at the beach. Fallen needles of pine and spruce dug into her back, threatening to pierce the flesh there and she remembered her scabbard that has survived all this time hidden at her hip. She snuck a hand downward to reach for her undetected defenses to at least even out the fight. A flash of astonishment, panic, and something else entirely washed over his face as he narrowly dodged a swipe of the blade and with gritted teeth, placed all of his weight on a knee at her stomach. She cried out once again. His long dexterous fingers held her wrist in a bruising grip only to slam the offending hand in the dirt once, twice until the hilt slipped from her grasp.

“No!” She cried. “Please!”  But she was already flipped to her front, face shoved into the dirt beneath them.

“Stupid girl,” Boggart snarled, pinning her arm to her back forcing her shoulder into an arduous position. “Had that with you the whole time, did you? Incompetent Roland couldn’t be bothered to search you over?” 

“Fuck you!”  Marianne spit behind her only to be met with grit at her lips once more.

“Such a filthy mouth on a pretty thing like you,” he leaned down to whisper, whisker gruff prickling her neck and shoulder. “Now I see why he liked you so much.”

He palms the blade, and with one hand binding both wrists forcefully tugs her to her feet. On clumsy footing, she stumbled to escape his grasp but he whistled low in warning.

“Be good,” he grunted. “Wouldn’t want to spill your own blood on that knife, would you?”

Exhausted from the chase, she hung her head low and trudged onward. She would either be killed here or back at the ship-at least this way she could see one last sunset. 

She hadn’t recalled how far from the shore she had taken them as the walk back was much longer than anticipated. His hold on her never faltered nor were words exchanged. Just the Captain’s thickly accented mutterings in an unfamiliar language filled the silence their sand dampened steps wished for. Once they reached the shore, the crew’s work became more leisure than anything to sneak a nosy glimpse or two at the both of them as Marianne was shoved up the ramp. There she resumed her struggles of hurling swears hoping at least to hurt him with words rather than blades. Long, spindly fingers gripped her wrist much too tightly while her legs frantically rushed to catch up to his long strides as he drug her through the cavity of the ship. Once they reached her chambers, she was roughly hurled across the threshold, scraping her knees against the wooden floor. Clutching her wrist to her chest didn’t soothe the ache nor the fingertip shaped bruises forming there. In their first meeting, Marianne was spiteful. She wasn’t afraid of death then; she wasn’t afraid of pain. Now with tear-stained cheeks she watched the dreaded creature staring predatory in the doorway and understood they were one and the same.  

“Now you’ll be a good little butterfly and think before you try flying away from me again," he scoffed,  boxing her in.

“You can’t just keep me here!” She shouted from when she lay crumpled on the floor. “You aren’t taking me to Jones and you’re not keeping me for yourself!”

Boggart turned to meet her scowl, puzzled.

“I’m not your crew. I don’t know what I am to you, but I’m not going to be your prisoner anymore,” she sobbed. Watching her tremble from the watery words and Boggart softened his gaze in something that could’ve resembled guilt. “And don’t you dare touch me again or I’ll-”

He barks out a laugh. 

“You’ll do what, girl? Kill me? With this?” He admires her prized dagger in the moonlight, catching the beautiful glint reflecting off the metal and curbing the reignited, unfettered rage in his eyes.

 “Not anymore.” 

He hums in thought. 

“It's a pretty thing, really,” he growls watching the light refract through a quartz embedded in the hilt. Marianne helped Dagda pick out the stone when her cheeks were rose-tinted and her father was her world. “I’d like to think I should keep this; add it to my collection. Much too pretty to be wasted on silly noble girls.” The thought of losing the best treasure sent Marianne spiraling. She scrambled on her hands and knees to try and reclaim it, to try anything, but the blade was instead spun around to press its tip firmly at her throat. The Captain’s hand was steady. No sign of hesitancy shown in his eyes while she wept.

“None of that again. Escaping to the trees with stolen weaponry is so unbecoming of a lady,” he spat. “I hope you enjoyed your little adventure because it was the last free breath you’ll ever draw again.” He withdrew the blade and puffed out an amused laugh to himself. “You know,” he whispered to her crumpled body on the ground and lifted her gaze by the hair, just as Roland had done once before. “You’re a pretty thing too. Maybe I'll keep you as well.” He couldn’t help but laugh at her anguished expression as he closed and locked the door behind him, plunging her into darkness once again.

___

It must’ve been hours. They were still docked, but the laughter and crackling of campfire separated her from the crew she’d grown to care for from where they ate together on the beach. The crew that saw her as an equal. Stupid, she thought. He’d made no move to hurt her until now. None of them did. And now, thanks to her impulse, she was right back where she started. Trapped. Alone. And now she’s lost her only piece of home to her captor. Her skinned knees had long since crusted over, but she was still so incredibly sore from running as she never had to do in life. While impulsive, it was her only chance at freedom after she had already been given so much. Who knows if she’ll ever be allowed to see the sun again? The setting of heavy boots and the unbolting of a lock held the answer for her. Uncharacteristically timid, Boggart crowded the doorway and she couldn’t help but flinch.  

“I..erm,” he began awkwardly. 

Marianne just stared.

“Brutus found some wild greens and uh, made a stew. Everyone seems to like it.” His words apparently have found him. 

Blinking up at him, she held enough quiet for the both of them.

“It’s getting late and you still need to eat, so,” he stuffs his hands into his pockets. “I’m asking you to eat. With everyone.”

His hollow laugh that bounced off the trees echoes through her mind as she narrows her gaze. 

“You want me to eat with you?”

“With everyone, yes.” 

“I thought I was never to draw a free breath again,” she challenged, articulating each and every sound. 

Pursing his lips, frustrated, he leaves her a sliver of space at his side to follow him out into the ship.

“And I thought you were able to be trusted to stay manageable in these past few weeks. Especially since you’ve been armed all this time, I half expected you to be as senseless and shortsighted much sooner.” Dramatically, he flourishes his hand to beckon her. “Now would you like to eat or not?”

Against every voice in her mind screaming in opposition, she stands to her feet. 

The walk to the beach wasn’t as awkward as she expected. The silence was appreciated by both of them as he guided her to the fire using his own sheer size to lead her without any argument. A few questioning eyes looked up from their drinks, but lingered reticently. Those who chose not to acknowledge them, kept to their comradery and focused on whatever tall tale was being shared around this time. Soup was slurped and ale was spilled just like all other nights back on the ship, omitting the sand beneath their feet. A bowl was nudged into her lap along with her share of ale.

It was a rich looking broth smelling earthy and fulfilling. Having spent all her energy scurrying and weeping, her stomach gurgled urging her to drink. She of course indulged, all but groaning in satisfaction the second the spiced broth hit her tongue. The fats of chicken and walnut melded beautifully with the hearty greens and wild spices that accompanied the charred smoke of the roaring fire they all huddled around. The thick glue of a porridge that Roland fed her was lifetimes away from her now as she guzzled down the stew. Brutus smirked in that pompous way only an artist could while she damn near licked the bowl clean. 

The crew continued on with their storytelling's and singings, with the occasional shanty Marianne hummed along to having spent her nights evading palace guards and slumming with her most favorite peasant friends in backwater pubs. Vaguely impressed, Boggart snuck glances at her pretending not to know the words. Eventually, a voice piped up insisting on the Captain’s turn with a song. Boos and cheers rang around the blaze.

“You know he don’t sing,” gruffed one of the men. 

“He’s too stubborn,” Steph griped, elbowing Thad sitting to her right. Light jeering erupts, settling at the Captain clearing his throat.

Marianne almost mourned the boisterousness from moments before as a tension settled heavy as a fog over the camp while he sang. Eyes lidded and shoulders stiff, their Captain recited what must have been some ancient lullaby from a time before life made him so cruel as he sang as if each word were a prayer. The melody flowed from his lips like rich wine and enthralled, she managed to only capture the last few lines: 

She dwells with Beauty—Beauty that must die;

    And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips

Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,

    Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips.

Solome here, here ’s were called and in the silence that followed his melody, the last of the stragglers retired for the evening bidding goodnight’s and farewell’s leaving just the Captain and his ward.

“Who was she?” She whispered, aching to fill the quiet. “The woman who made you feel this way.” 

“Hmm? Oh,” he blushed. “No one.” Dowcast, he tossed a twig into the flames and watched it burn. 

“You cannot be serious.” She tried not to smile. “You’re just always this morose?”

“Easy,” he teases. “Yes, I’m serious.” He retrieves a pipe from his breast pocket and lights it with a smoldering piece of kindling, taking a long drag as if the bitter herb could conjure the words for him. “It’s the only memory I have left of my mother before she passed. Sang it to me every night, nearly.”

“Oh,” she somberly replied, not used to being on the other side of this conversation. “It was beautiful, your singing.” 

He huffs out smoke.

“Thank you. The crew always wants me to join in on their amusement, but I never oblige. This was my way of telling them all to fuck off.”

Marianne snorts into her tankard. 

“Besides, that was a love that was never meant for me,” he continued. “She would dance with my Father in the candlelight after tucking me in. I used to sneak out and watch them every night. Always thought that was the closest thing we had to magic.” 

Forcing the change in subject, he reached a hand into his coat to retrieve a wrapped bundle to pass into her lap unceremoniously. Wordless, she unwraps the fabric to reveal her blade back in her possession. Her eyes question him where her voice can’t find the strength to. 

“You could’ve had me earlier, you know. Back in the forest?” He coughs, continuing. “If I was just a tad slower you’d have had it buried in my neck quicker ‘n you should’ve,” he laughed. “Quite embarrassing. Glad I had the rest wait for us back at the beach; no doubt you’d be long gone by now.” Not able to bring his own eyes to meet hers, he settles for mouthing at the wooden lip.

“I don’t…” Marianne shook her head at both his admission and gesture as neither made any remote sense to her. 

“You’re quite confident with it; from what I’ve seen anyway.” He takes the blade from where it lay untouched in her lap to manipulate the hilt in his hands. “It’s tarnished, but sharp. It’s taken care of, clearly.” 

She nods an affirmative. Her swordsmith back home got fed up with her asking to have it sharpened so often that he finally just taught her how to do it herself. She couldn’t ask anyone else for help anyway. Sharpening her dagger became a meditation, but it was also a matter of pride. 

“Listen, girl,” his voice came once again much more stern. “There was no sign of you being on that ship with him. Things weren’t supposed to happen this way.” 

“How were they supposed to happen then?”

“That’s complicated.” 

Marianne scoffs. “That’s a word that keeps getting tossed around and I’m sick of hearing it. Everyone around here seems to know something I don’t.”

“There’s a reason for that.”

“Well I’m tired of it,” her voice wavers, frustration evident. “I’ve done everything I was supposed to for hell, however long I’ve been here. I’ve washed your damned laundry, scrubbed your damned deck. I think I finally deserve an answer.”

Boggart sighs in indignation. “Aye. ‘Suppose you do.” 

He takes a long drag of his pipe, stalling. 

“There’s something much bigger than your little honeymoon going on here. It’s been in the works for some time now and,” he sucks in a breath. “I’m sorry you got mixed up in it all.”

“Tell me,” she pleaded.

“I can’t. Wish I could.”

“Why not?” 

“‘Fraid I can’t say.” His smile never reaches his eyes. 

Marianne thinks for a beat. 

“Then why did you kill Roland but not me? If I’ve already stumbled into too much, then why keep another mouth to feed on board?”

Boggart chews the inside of his cheek in contemplation. 

“Because he’s wronged me and you haven’t.”

“Wronged you how?”

Another drag.

“Let’s just say I’ve been trespassed and invaded. And I’m not amused.” 

Marianne grins, taking her blade back from him. 

“I’ll be sure to be on my best behavior then.”

“I don’t know if the chickens’ll believe you, but,” Boggart sucks his teeth. “About that. Don’t run again.”

She peers up, puzzled. 

“You know too much already whether you believe it or not. And whether you like it or not, you must stay until everything is finished. There’s far too much I’ve gambled to let you ruin it.” 

“And why should I trust you? After everything you’ve put me through?”

“Stubborn just like her father,” he spits under his breath. 

“You don’t know my father, you filthy-”

“Watch yourself,” he warns. “And do not mistake this kindness for weakness, I knew your father very well,” He sighs. “A little too well.”

“My father is a worm, but he’d never stoop to associate with pirates.”

“Give me some credit please, I wasn’t as cruel then.”

“Care to enlighten me?”

“‘M afraid that’s a tale for another time.” 

He glances at her finally, grateful for her milding temper.

“Look,” he sighs. “I have no reason to bring any harm to you. But if you run like that again, you’ll be forcing my hand, do you understand?”

Fully heeding this warning, she nods.

“Yes,” she breathes. “I won’t run again.” 

He nods in kind, accepting her answer and tosses another log on the fire. 

“Good.” 

The flames crackle in her brief flash of consideration. 

“Will I ever see my family again?” She questions, hoping.

Miraculously, he nods.

“You have my word. I’ll take you to them myself.” 

“Good,” she echoes. 

Together they finish the night in silence watching the flames lick at sandy logs and flitting smoke dance up, up, up into the sky until it cannot be witnessed by any living thing any longer. 

Much later into the night, so much so that it could be considered morning, Lord Dagda is awoken to urgent pounding on his chamber door and only then did he notice the frantic shouting in the harbor below. They all seemed to be swarming, pointing at something in the water. Squinting in the dim light, Dagda could make out the form of long extinguished remains of a ship washing aground in these dark hours. Remains that should not have lasted this long without sinking into the depths. This was something that had seen utter horror and left only tattered flags and charred masts as a cautionary tale. He stumbled out of bed to hurriedly shrug on his robe and join the clamoring as they all gawked and rushed toward what was left of a familiar Naval ship teetering into the harbor.   

a/n lol how'd you like that little shit tossed in at the end >:) also the poem featured in this chapter (because I was too lazy to write one myself) is Ode on Melancholy by John Keats stay tuned for me to put these semi-beloved children's movie characters through the absolute RINGER maybe they'll kiss who knows??

as always: thank you for reading, cuties.

[minniefights]

Update #10 - 2 weeks in the ICU

We’re marking our 2nd week in the ICU. Nothing much has changed since my last update; the intubation has already been removed and Mom’s breathing has been fairing well and stable, however her Blood Pressure has not really normalized yet. It still drops to a critical level and that’s what keeps us here in the ICU. As soon her BP gets better then we can be moved to a private room.

Praying Unceasingly

It’s peaceful and quiet here in our room. What very much helps to be so is our prayers throughout the day. We usually start the day with our morning prayer time with worship and morning meditation around 8AM. At 11 AM and 5PM, when my uncle (priest) visits, we pray the Liturgy of the hours. And finally, we do our night prayers, which consists of the “Stay with Me” Prayer by Padre Pio, Prayer to St Michael, Intercessions, Psalm 4, Psalm 91 and Song of Simeon. I know that so many people are also prayer for us, so thank you so so much for storming the heavens!

Other “prayers” are in the form of asking God for mercy. When the day is long and tiring, when Mom is in so much pain, when we see the partial bill, when after weeks of medication some of her lab results just doesn’t seem to normalize yet, when all we could muster is a “Lord, have mercy” I believe that is prayer too. Going about the daily chores and necessities, that too is worship.

Chemotherapy Plans

The Hematologist is already drafting on her chemotherapy plan. She earlier mentioned that the treatment will be aggressive. However, she won’t be able to perform it until her infection (Pneumonia) completely subsides or her BP normalizes. The meds for chemo cannot be purchased here in Iligan. I had to order it from Manila, so upon the doctor’s order, I have already purchased a month-long worth of chemo meds (injectables and oral). The doctor also mentioned that meds could also be purchased at a cheaper rate in India. Lucky us, some friends are traveling from India to the Philippines for a conference this month. And so I was able to purchase ahead of time, 4-months worth of medicines at 60% cheaper price. I’m acting in faith to believe Mom will live long enough to undergo these treatments (and by God’s grace get better!). As per chemo meds, we’re covered up until Mid-March. But she also has a ton of other meds on the side, of which I shall think about later on.

ICU Stories

In the ICU, there are so many heartbreaking patient’s stories. Just today, 2 patients have passed away, may the Lord grant them eternal rest. My Mom’s room, however, is situated in a separated area with walls, so we’re a bit isolated from the other patients. So Mom is asleep and unbothered most of the time.

But there are also so many stories hope in these walls. One story which stood out to me is this 10 yr old girl who met an accident and is now in coma for more than 2 weeks. Yet whenever I could take a glimpse at the hope of her family, I am so encouraged. They aren’t giving up on her even if she had 1% chance to live, though she had to be transferred to a public hospital that could lessen the cost for her family to keep her alive. But I could imagine, if only that girl would have moved only a finger, they would have rejoiced so much! Yet even now, that she’s still asleep, with no significant chances to be awake, her family still keeps the faith and still hopes and against hope.

How much more faith and hope do we have for my Mom, who has now been extubated, now she can talk (but very minimally still), eat a bit of soft foods, and drink small amounts of liquid? She is able to communicate, pray and be aware of her surroundings! All the more, our hope is in the Lord who created heaven and earth, and in whose hands our lives are held. Let His will be done.

[bayisdying]

Lucky Penny - Chapter Ten

A/N: before yall attack me, just remember that I have been warning yall this whole damn time that it was just going to get worse.

The dark night eventually gave way to sunrise. Coyote woke first, and looking over to Lucky he was scared to see how still she was. Until he saw the weak rise and fall of her chest, he himself couldn't breathe.

Rescue needed to haul ass he thought, he couldn't just sit here and watch his friend - someone he trusted and loved, die.

-----

Fanboy was the first to volunteer to be on the rescue squad. He practically begged Cyclone, Warlock, and Maverick to let him go.

"Garcia you know damn well you are too close to this to be involved. It will cloud your judgment." Coyote states. "You are to stay here on the ship."

Eventually they pick Bob, Rooster, and Hangman alongside Maverick to join the rescue team.

He cornered the three of his fellow Daggers. "If she doesn't come back alive or in one piece.."

"Dude. We will find them and bring them back I promise." Rooster says. "You just stay here and stay calm. She's going to need you."

"When we bring her back, you can fight us all you want." Bob offered. "But we have to go get ready now."

He watched as they walked away, and just prayed that the next time he saw the three men, he would see his girl too.

-----

All Coyote could focus on was the soft rise and fall of Lucky's chest. Willing her to hold on. He took in how pale she looked, and how she was weakly slumped against him. The sun was getting higher in the sky when she finally opened her eyes.

"Hey there's my pretty girl." He says softly, earning him a side eye for the ages. "How are you feeling?"

"Numb." She says, her voice slightly slurred. "I can't feel a thing Javy."

"Well hell, okay, I'll try and get a small fire going, get you warmed up and maybe help rescue find us easier. I am going to be gone for a bit to find firewood. Just stay here and try to stay awake okay?"

She nodded but grabbed at his arm as he started to put his flight suit back on to head out.

"Javy, I don't regret coming back for you. I'd do it all over again. I hope you know that."

He smiles sadly "I know honey, but let's get back home." He set out to find what he could.

As he ventured further from their makeshift shelter, he was worried he would come back and find himself alone with a ghost.

-----

Phoenix was sick to her stomach. She watched as Fanboy fell apart the longer it took for rescue to come back. She had been listening to the radio but had to walk away. They weren't finding anything and trying to find a place to land the helicopter to spread out on foot. The thought of her friends not being found was getting to her heart.

She heard a strangled sob and noticed Mickey had his head in his hands, crying, and he was speaking what sounded like a prayer in Spanish.

She put an arm around him and held on as he sobbed harder, not even knowing what to say as her own heart was breaking.

-----

"Alright everyone spread out. One aviator and one medic together. The helicopter pilot will stay here to make sure we can get it to wherever they are. I'll take North, Bob take the East, Hangman you head South, and Rooster go West. We have the radios, keep us updated if you find anything." Maverick directed.

Rooster, Bob, and Hangman looked each other in the eyes then headed in their directions. They couldn't fail their friends now.

-----

Javy took a deep breath as he came back to where he left her and pulled a scrap of parachute aside and was relieved that Lucky was still breathing. He was a little concerned that her eyes were closed, but as long as she kept getting air in those lungs he knew she could make it.

He started to work on getting the fire going, knowing he couldn't fail this, he had to get her warmed up even just enough.

"Hang in there Lucky girl." He whispered.

-----

Rooster was pretty certain this place was hell. It was cold, snowy, and a total wasteland. The medic he was paired with, Eric, was nice enough but the two made minimal conversation.

He squinted his eyes due west, certain that his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"Is that a plume of smoke?" Eric asked.

"I was just thinking the same thing." Rooster said walking with a new pep in his step. "I'll radio it in. Let's get closer and make sure it's not hostiles."

-----

Fanboy was pacing, and it was starting to hurt Payback's head to watch him go back and forth.

"Why haven't we heard anything yet?" Fanboy asked.

"Just be patient man."

"I can't just sit here and not know anything!"

Payback sat his friend down with a cup of the sludge the ship called coffee.

"Listen, we gotta just wait it out. It sucks, but it's all we can do right now. But I have known Lucky as long as you have. Her callsign is Lucky for a reason."

-----

There was a really bright light, maybe it was the sun. She wasn't really sure anymore. Her head was blurry and she couldn't keep her eyes open. She swore she could hear Javy but he sounded so far away.

"Hey there lucky girl." She moved her head and couldn't believe her eyes.

"Dad?"

"Yeah baby it's me, you can't give up yet. You have so much more to do."

"I'm so tired Daddy."

"I know lucky girl, I know. But you have to keep fighting, I know you can make it." His voice sounded scared, an emotion she had never heard from her father before.

"Baylie Bee." The voice to her left was lighter, more feminine. "William is right, you can't be done now. We aren't ready for you."

"Katie Bug? God you are so young. I'm so sorry I didn't help you."

"Forever fourteen isn't as fun as it sounds Bee." She says sadly. "And it wasn't your fault. Just a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

"I should have done more, you were my best friend."

"Bee, you still are the best friend a girl could have asked for. But your friends right now need you to fight. Don't leave them without you."

Javy's voice was faint but she swears she hears him calling her name.

"Listen to him lucky girl, wake up, fight like hell."

"I miss you Dad, I miss you so much."

"I miss you too baby, but it's not time for you to be with me forever."

Javy's voice got louder, she could hear him saying to wake up. But she was awake?

"I love you lucky girl."

-----

Rooster crept closer to the treeline, he could smell the fire now, so he had to be close. He radioed for the others who confirmed they were close enough. He didn't want to wait for their backup but he knew it would be smart to.

That's when a scream confirmed to him that he was in the right spot.

That was Coyote's voice, and he was screaming Lucky's name with a fear in his voice that made Rooster's blood run colder than the snow he was standing in.

-----

A/N: holy fuck guys, it got worse 😂

[exxxmilitary]

Hey folks. It’s been a while. Figured I update you all on something important.

Tomorrow, we say goodbye to my beautiful dog, Tyra.

Many of you knew her and loved her. I documented a lot of our life on here. She was by my side for 16 and a half years, an incredible feat.

She was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney failure and quickly declined. There was some hope but ultimately she got so much worse. I can’t stand to see her like this. There’s a part of me that says to wait another day and maybe she will get better, but at this point I’m praying for a miracle that’s ultimately unrealistic.

She got me through the darkest moments of my life and I genuinely wouldn’t be alive if she wasn’t there to stop me on that fateful night. Our relationship changed on the night of my attempt when I was 12. She was 4 years old. Her instincts kicked into high gear and she made sure I was not alone. From then on, she walked by my side through everything.

I will always have regrets. I wish I spent more time with her sometimes as I got older and worked and traveled. I wish i brushed her teeth more. I wish I gave her more belly rubs. Nonetheless, I know that we shared a bond so special and so deep that transcended everything I thought I knew about love and friendship. She’s my soulmate.

Give your pets a hug for me tonight. Think of Tyra before you go to bed. Love you all.

[bisexualbumblebee-writes]

Dwarrowtober 2022 Day 22: Message- Dwalin x OC

Dwalin x Astrea

Description: After a year of no word from Dwalin, Astrea finally receives a message from him.

Word Count: 1.2k

One year. It had been approximately one year since Dwalin had bravely decided to follow Thorin on a quest to retake the Lonely Mountains. Astrea missed him dearly. Not a day went by where she didn’t think of him or pray to Aule that he was okay. Of course, being so short for time, she knew Dwalin wouldn’t have time to write to her and update her on everything. So, she had to seek comfort in her prayers.

It was quite difficult for her to go on without her husband by her side every day, she couldn’t lie. But she thankfully made do by seeking solace in Dis, who was roughly in the same position as her. And, while the Princess offered her some peace, it didn’t stop Astrea from missing him more and more every day. She desperately hoped that her husband was okay - or, at the very least, alive. But, with things so quiet around the Lonely Mountains, she could only keep hoping and praying.

It had been day 193 (yes, she had been keeping count) when Astrea got a knock on her door. It was considerably early in the morning, the sun having only just started to peek over the horizon, and she knew not a lot of people were out and about at this time. That’s why she was confused as she walked over to the front door. Upon opening it she was greeted by nothing. No one was there, which only served to confuse her more.

She was just about to close the door and shrug it off as the wind when something caught her eye. An envelope sat on her doorstep precisely in the middle of the mud rug. Curious, she bent down to pick it up and examine it. Her first name was written on the front, and there was no sort of return address or anything else that could signal who it was from. After looking over her name, however, she came to a shocking (and exciting) realization: this was her husband’s handwriting. Without a second thought she ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter inside.

My Astrea,

Apologies for not being able to write to you sooner, but things have been rather hectic on this side. To make things short, we did it. Smaug is retaken and Erebor is ours for the retaking. That came with the price of war, however, as both Mirkwood and Laketown were after our treasure. Not to mention hordes upon hordes of Orcs that tried to trample on our lands. Fret not, though. Thorin had sent word to King Dain so the armies of the Ironhills aided us in our victory. Thorin, Fili and Kili were severely wounded, but a Hobbit witch managed to keep them alive and their healing process is underway. Other than that, we’re all fine living in the palace of Erebor until further notice.

With all of that out of the way, I’ve decided that I wanted to be the one to share the news that the Dwarves are finally able to migrate back to Erebor. Hopefully I’ve reached you before the messengers did. I expect you’ll probably be amongst the first group of settlers, and I cannot wait to see you again.

Yours,

Dwalin son of Fundin

As Astrea read over the contents of the letter she couldn’t help but tear up. Not only was her beloved husband alive, but the entire Company was and Erebor had been taken back! A wide smile formed on her face as she heard people faintly shouting the joyous news. Looks like Dwalin ready had reached her before the others, he’d be happy to know that. And she couldn’t wait to tell him about it when they were reunited.

Astrea didn’t pack much. She only packed their clothes, weapons, some rations as well as the sentimental things before heading out into the world with the first group of migrants. Since they weren’t constantly in danger it didn’t take them nearly as long to reach Erebor as the Company. It took them only five months in total as it was now just a straight shot to the Lonely Mountains.

Though Astrea had never been there before (having been born after the Dwarves settled into the Blue Mountains), she couldn’t help but join in the excitement that her fellow travelers felt as they grew closer and closer to their home. Perhaps their happiness was just contagious, or maybe she was just excited that she was that much closer to seeing her husband and holding him again, or perhaps it was a mixture of both. No matter what it was, she found herself cheering along with the other migrants as they finally reached Laketown - or, rather, what was left of it. Astrea had been told about Smaug attacking the poor town by Dis, who was also in the first group of settlers, during the journey as Dwalin hadn’t mentioned it in his letter, and her heart went out to Laketown. But, from what she’s heard and from what she saw in Dale on the way to Erebor, they would be okay.

The gates of Erebor had been opened and ready for them to enter. The settlers couldn’t help but gasp in awe, and some of them even began to cry as they looked around while entering the kingdom. And Astrea couldn’t blame them. It was hauntingly beautiful, like it had seen some bad things in the past but the joy in the future would make up for it. It looked a little worn down now, but she knew that once it was up and running properly, it would be one of the greatest kingdoms of Middle Earth.

King Thorin, along with the rest of his Company, stood just a few yards away from the entrance of the (soon to be) mighty kingdom, all with smiles on their faces. It didn’t take the Hobbit long to find her husband. He looked almost exactly like she’d last seen him aside from wearing more casual clothes rather than traveling clothes. Their eyes met almost immediately, and Astrea couldn’t fight back the tears that welled up in her eyes. Without even realizing it she’d dropped the bag she was carrying and made her way over to him, practically sprinting once she hit the halfway point.

Dwalin’s arms were open and ready when she practically jumped into them, embracing him with all her might. A small, happy sob tore from her throat as she clung to him like he’d disappear if she let go. She felt him return the hug as tight as he could without hurting or suffocating her (though she would have died happily in his arms if he did), stroking her hair gently.

“I see you got my message, aye?” He joked softly as they pulled away. Astrea laughed as he lifted a hand to wipe her tears away.

“You could say that,” she answered tearfully with a nod before hugging him again. “I’ve missed you so much. I’m so happy you’re okay.”

“I am too,” he responded simply. It had been a long year and a half away from each other, but now they were reunited and they were safe in the home they were going to build together.

[chloeworships]

Someone could be an athlete in this situation because of the Coach bag.

Others of you could be in business represented by the Coach BAG 💼

2 government officials could be “waiting” on some money from a business which to me signifies bribery.

The government could be eyeing your finances. It is tax season.

However in this case what the government is doing is

WRONG❗️

Some of you are in government and this is happening to you.

This made me very angry

🔥😡🔥

This could also be foreign interference.

PS. Cardi B’s album is called Invasion of Privacy 👀 You could be a musician. Check out ALL the songs on her album 💿 for nuggets of info.

When black ppl say “get the bag” they mean the Money Bag 💰💼

Do not allow these senators to interfere. God is angry about this.

I also felt as though they were trying to block me from getting back into my “seat” 💺 Since these were senators this would mean they are trying to prevent YOU from being RE-ELECTED. Welp. This seat was chosen by the Most High God so they will encounter problems. We only go to the doctor if there is a problem right? BUT we also go to the doctor for a solution.

👀

The suggestion to split the child that was left alive reminds me of the proposed 2 state solution. Splitting Israel in half. Go to God for the solution babes. When American’s and Canadians (then British) took over the land of the Indigenous peoples, no one proposed a 2 state solution. Just sayin 🤷🏾‍♀️ and just giving everyone a reality check 💴

Also there is something here about the splitting of assets/money. The answer is NO.

You could also be a woman entrepreneur, government official, female coach or CEO 🎀

These could be members of your own party 🤦🏾‍♀️

UPDATE:

So I checked out Cardi B’s IG and saw she has a song with Shakira who was previously in some dispute with the government about her taxes but that’s just not it…. The LORD showed me an arrow head… it has two 2️⃣ heads 👀 When looking up the words ‘God’s Arrow’ I forgot to add the word ‘scripture’ but it led me to this article which is fitting for the message and THE TIMEZ. On CARDI’S IG, she posted a bow and arrow 🏹 😮

Your name could also be Tim… or the name Tim Tebow could mean something to someone.

God will have his victory in this situation. I hope we will live to see it.

Also, the government in this case made a mistake/arrow.

Another issue is too many people are in your business babes. It’s time to be more selective about what you share or who you share your business with. Speak only if you must

🤐

For others of you, your ex is into your business a little too much. More on this later…

👁️

I also heard something about the “chiefs attacking” when the LORD showed me the arrowhead. Could this involve our Indigenous friends??

PPS: below is a normal arrowhead. In the vision, there were two heads on one stick to inflict maximum carnage.

Since we are speaking about the government I forgot that there is a tower in Washington DC as well called the Washington Monument 👀 I suppose there is some kind of landmark like this in many countries and cities.

Recall in the Tower of Babel what occurred when man tried to interfere (and penetrate) the Heavens…. When mankind tried to play God without consulting him on their plans.

Be safe yall, seek the face of God and pray for the wisdom of King Solomon and STRENGTH 🙏🏾 If you make the Right Decisions you will be applauded for it by those who understand true justice. Read the story of the 2 prostitutes below

The LORD said to me VERBATIM…

“Leave the decision between a woman and her doctor” 🩺

I have another political message. The one I mentioned before and didn’t drop… PLUS one more.

I also heard

“A miscarriage of justice”

👀👀

This reminds me of another message the LORD gave me too

😳 I am done!!!! ✔️ I cannot make this stuff upppppp.

It’s interesting I’m seeing this because I heard the LORD say “I will deal with Weinstein”. 👀 and now I’m wondering if this too applies. Did the court make a mistake that the LORD is angry with also? 🤷🏾‍♀️

[recentlyheardcom]

EVANSTON, Ill. (AP) — Judith Raanan and her teenage daughter, Natalie Raanan, were excited to travel to Israel to celebrate a relative's 85th birthday and the Jewish holiday season, according to their rabbi.The pair had been sending updates as the trip progressed and were enjoying “this really special mom and daughter time together," Meir Hecht said.The family hasn't heard from either mother or daughter since a week ago, after Hamas launched an unprecedented surprise attack. The community in their suburb north of Chicago fears they are among roughly 150 people abducted by Hamas militants.“We received this terrible news that Judith and her daughter Natalie are missing and apparently were most likely taken as hostages to Gaza,” Hecht said. “It feels like our community has been violated."They had been celebrating Simchat Torah, a festive Jewish holiday that marks the conclusion of the annual reading of the Torah. They were in Nahal Oz, a kibbutz in Israel about a mile (1.61 kilometers) from the Gaza border.Natalie Raanan, 17, recently graduated from high school and was looking forward to taking a break and visiting family overseas, her uncle, Avi Zamir, said at a community event for the Raanans in Evanston on Thursday evening.“Kind person. She's a sweetheart. She loves animals,” Zamir said. “We fear for her. We pray for her. We hope she's together with her mom."Through tears, Natalie Raanan's aunt, Sigal Zamir, said: “I pray for them to come back alive. They’re innocent and loving, and they didn’t do anything.”Just before she left for Israel, Judith Raanan dropped off a pink prayer book for the Hechts' 7-year-old daughter, who loves the color, said Yehudis Hecht, the rabbi's wife and Judith's friend.“Judith, we're thinking of you. Of your resilience, your hope, your love, your generosity, your faith and strength," Yehudis Hecht said. “We know you're a strong woman and we pray that we see you safely very soon with your dear Natalie.”___Savage reported from Chicago and is a corps member for the Associated Press/Report for America Statehouse News Initiative. Report for America is a nonprofit national service program that places journalists in local newsrooms to report on undercovered issues.

[tinatribeca]

Life Update 9/4/23

Blessed. I have realized to be grateful for everything that I do have in a time like this. Loneliness has been a state of mind for a very long time but I'm happy to say that although I am now at 3 years single, I'm not feeling as lonely. I have my moments but I am trying to embrace the fact that I am a single girl in one of the largest cities in the world and I'm blessed to be alive given everything I have been through this passed year. My mental health is also a lot better.

I'm definitely on dating apps and find myself swiping occasionally but I hate it. I'm so picky and with age I think I've grown to be even more picky. I pay all my bills, I have my own place, career, hobbies, I'm a musician, I like to travel, I like to be at peace...

I need an addition. Not a takeaway. I need an addition that also respects the art world.

I've been going on dates. I always find something wrong with them, and usually never see them again. I'm trying to have more of an open mind.

Maybe the person for me is not on a dating app.

I'm waiting to be sitting at Starbucks where a Michael B Jordan lookalike walks up to me and starts talking about how much he also loves cubism art, iced caramel macchiatos, and Don Miguel Ruiz.

I doubt that will ever happen.

I speak to my mom often. We are a lot better than we were earlier this year. She is doing a lot better. She seems happy.

I deleted a few post from harder times a while back, which I regret because I can't look back at them and have my moment of self reflection BUT... why live in regret? I deleted a lot of my previous life updates which sucks but I'm back at it again and hoping to give as many as I can so that I can really reflect and utilize my blog.

Living alone in New York has taught me a lot. I've seen my super more times this year than I've seen my own mother. This apartment has its moments where it takes work to upkeep like yesterday the toilet was flushing non stop... I could literally hear it flushing from my bedroom.

Take a rent stabilized apartment in Brooklyn and you will definitely have the quirkiest moments.

I don't see my friends as often which sucks. Every one is doing their own thing. I'm starting to get used to this. Adulthood.

I took my father to dinner Friday for his birthday. a $200 birthday gift, he ordered every appetizer her wanted, dinner, dessert, you name it lol. I allowed it, he deserved it.

There was a guy at the next table checking me out in front of his girlfriend, also in front of my dad. It was flattering. A moment of me realizing hey, I must be attractive. The guy proceeded to also involve himself in me and my fathers conversations occasionally. At a specific point I thought to myself he might as well have sat in my lap. Me and my dad laughed about it once they left. I'm glad we both can laugh at things that other parents wouldn't find funny.

I didn't mention my father has cancer.

I haven't told many people. I didn't tell him that he looks more tired lately. We took a shot together that night and it was a reminder of him still being here. My father has always been someone I consider very close to me. Its hard knowing he's getting older and I pray that he heals and gets passed this diagnosis. There are moments where I am afraid he won't see me get married, have kids... The what if comes to mind.

I try to be honest in these posts but its hard knowing that in times where I'm thinking:

Wow I surpassed a lot...

Something else comes up. Another hiccup. Another moment of:

Shit. There goes life trying to kick my ass again.

He has a lot more testing to do and I'm here, hoping for the best.

Nevertheless, I am fine. Good even. I'm starting to accept the things I cannot change. This year was also a hard health year for me too - mentally, physically, etc. I had a lot of moments where I was very upset with life.

I'm in a better place accepting and embracing all things I cannot change. Hopefully next life update I have nothing but good news.

[shirpowbra]

Updateee :> (prepare, it's gonna be a long one)

heyoo, I know I said before I'll give you all an update but things have been escalating downhill rather fast on my end and I'm quite, well, overwhelmed how to put it into words

well first things first, the maid we hired for my grandma ran away and took some cash from her, didn't even have the audacity to close the gates of our house when she did. I got too busy in helping with the chores around the house which are many. Luckily tho, we have cameras installed and she left most of her important documents to us so we could make a pretty solid case against her.

And the second one, whoo boi.

My...mom is in the hospital. There were lumps found in her uterus in the past and all of a sudden they all just came out one day. She was incredible pain so we had to rush her to the ER right away. I have to be left behind to the house in taking care of everything in the house. That's why I haven't been able to draw these days, even though I miss it a lot haha.

A lot of people have been visiting the house out of concern, though they're mostly there for my mom and grandma. Sure, they'd leave food for us but it mostly felt like just a way to stroke their egos and stuff, I dunno. They didn't even try to ask how I felt about everything if I'm being honest, but maybe it's just that I didn't really open up to all of them...they all come from church and if I show them a slight hint of "worldliness" I'd be lectured, and boy I don't want any of that. Guess you can call me shallow for thinking like this.

In all honesty...I really don't know how to feel right now. My mom, well my whole family, aren't the best people to be around with. Whenever I'd call them out on their BS, I'd be gaslighted and I'm left questioning if everything I'm feeling right now is valid. An individual is valid to not forgive someone who wronged them, but if you say that to my family, they'll see you as someone who's selfish.

I kinda wanna be happy that this happened to her, yet there's this nagging thought behind my head telling me that I shouldn't... I know I'd be a bad person for thinking that, my sister's already does that's for sure. I guess (emphasis on "guess") I could try and forgive but I don't know if I could still love them just as before.

My mother's still alive...just, barely. The doctors couldn't operate to remove the lumps off her because her hemoglobin levels are pretty low so we'd prolly have to wait till June or July for it to rise. They'll maybe come back home soon next week since staying over in the hospital for weeks now cost a lot.

I'm gonna be honest...I'm scared of the inevitable. Scared that there's not gonna be much hope of me and my mom reaching to an understanding and scared that none of my relatives would take me in when it happens because they'd rather tend to their own business and all. They never bothered to help us with grandma's needs...why would they help me now?

I'll still be posting stuff, though I think they're mostly drawn from months before and I wish y'all would like 'em. I think I'll also make a few announcements here and there and hopefully I'd be able to draw or make some art again. I do miss it and it helps me get my mind off things.

I've finally let out all of my thoughts, and I know it seems uncharacteristic of me, but...please pray for me. Whatever happens, I just wish that everything would turn out okay in the end.

[mnovenia]

3 MORE MONTHS to 2023

From my human eyes, jujur takut banget nulis ini.. but it's said feed your mind with faith.

That picture is what I've been having in head for few years. It's my ideal place to have a date, romantically chilling while in the autumn/cold, and even my pre-wedding photo theme. I think I had this picture since in NL, and with that Koko, Oppa or whoever oriental guy I had in mind.

But nope, no guy come to that yet HAHAHA, kapan ya gw nulis di tumblr kalo that one guy has finally come :''' God knows (merinding sendiri nulisnya).

Ok let's flash back. So the last update about the singaporean guy is called TWY (chinese name GUYS). At first, I thought he was alright, similar passion, way of thinking, live in Bali, but on our 2nd date (meeting), I found out that he is a Buddhist, with Kwan Im shrines in his villa. Well, well, well I was so disappointed, I asked God why, I got myself out of him, knowing that God is either giving me mission to help him see the light or tempting me HAHAHAH. Anyway I withdrew from him, went to Jakarta, Bandung and had a pleasant trip. I was shown that there are plenty of guy out there better than forcing myself to end up with TWY. Also during the service at HMCC, God showed me that I should move on and not playing with fire.

May's highlight: I went to Singapore, also a hightlight cos I download Coffee meet bagels, and found many single christian guys, its just none of them like me or has a future with me in Bali. HAHAHA. Experiencing other country for the 1st time since pandemic is a blessing. I love my freedom, chinese culture, foods, good public transport, but oh my the kiasuness n expensive life made me so grateful when I returned to Bali

I close 6 deals in the kavling PD, also another 4 in Apple. Thank God thank God I cannot be more blessed and surprised, it's all Him. Thank you Mba Gathi, Ochi dkk, Nic, Ivan & Pak David.

July, I went crazy with house sale in Bandung, but also so relieved that I no longer have that burden back home. I also managed to buy a land, OMG my 1st property in Bali, thank you God for replacing what I left, sold, sacrificed in the past. You made it so easy just to do things according to your will.

Me n TWY remains friends as we got close a bit during my HMCC friends came, also Pak David n Ivan. However it made me realize we better just keep remaining be friends. He gave me idea to build a villa for rent with the money from Bandung. So I had a deal with the Architect, Pak Hendra, he's the best. I'm still hesitate to choose a contractor and also to decide how much should I put in money to this investment.

with all those things I'm grateful for, I also have many days when I struggle, trying to motivate myself to stay alive for another day, some days are depressing cause I lose hope, I don't find life exciting anymore, etc.

However, God also answer my prayer regarding church in Bali. Maybe beginning of June, HMCC Jkt decided to only hold onsite congregration so I was kind of forced to resign from membership. I was confused, trying online Grace Church sgp, GKY, etc until Bella shared that she will open a new service at her parents' house. Idk if it's not an answer to prayer.

And afterwards, her Dad got so sick n I was the only person available to accompany, take care, etc. And God was just so gracious, that it happened when I had so much savings from commisions and house selling. I borrowed her fam money and did everything I possibly could, while staying in Marlene's jie house while she & the fam back in NZ. Phewww..

Since then, I commit to Yewon church Bali, being in touch with Bella's fam, and even her Korean guests, etc. In my heart, idk what else is God trying to work in me. Also I got cheap ticket to Seoul on July, then decided to go for Yewon's church conference and a bit of trip with Nongky n her bro sis. HAHAHA, seems like my KDrama life will come true. I'm still praying for my visa though, been struggling these past 2 weeks, however God's will be done, I'm applying for multiple entry visa.

With all these, I just have to remind myself, to pray like Elijah:

Know and acknowledge who He is (God of Abraham)

Know who I am (servant)

Answer my prayer Lord (boldly)

Bring the people back to You (His Kingdom first above all else)

"Answer me Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you Lord are God and that you are turning their hearts back again" - 1 Kings 18:37

Oh ya, I'm leading BSF now, also still teach Norman, thinking of joining Ministry at church, and still approaching new clients (PRAY PRAY PRAY so I have more confidence to build the Villa for God's glory with humble heart) and Visa Korea, and View-ture husband HAHAHA. Alright goodnight kind Lord, Love You, saranghaeyo.