#horacio carrillo x you

[heyhilana]

Say Yes (Javier Peña and Horacio Carrillo)

Summary: Carrillo and Peña work closely with you during the takedown of Escobar. With tension rising between you three and you inviting them in to your apartment, a drink turns into everything you fantasized about and more.

A/N: Ha, remember when I posted this accidentally? Welp, that's what happens when you don't check your queue for a few months LMAO. But at last, it's here after many months of writing this on and off since this was a new challenge for me as I've never written a threesome before. I'm 90% sure this is right because I'm running off of low sleep and I will come back to edit this if I need to but I hope you enjoy! As always, drink water and stay beautiful 💚

Pairing: Javier Peña and Horacio Carrillo x !f reader (I believe that's how you do it pls correct me if I'm wrong)

Warnings: (A list whew and I was even thinking about dp but another time) Light spanking, hair pulling, cunt spanking, f and m receiving oral, p in v penetration (don't be silly wrap it up like candy) cumshot on stomach, cumshot on tongue. I think that's it but I will add more if I need to :)

Tagged: @squidlywiddly87 (uh now you can read this LMAO but I hope you enjoy!)

Word count: 7.7k (I promise this was supposed to be shorter)

“Care to come up for a drink?” An innocent question led to a night that was unforgettable if it could be put into words. It sparked something that the three of you were oblivious to. There was tension between the three of you, a sexual tension to be exact, but it was unspoken due to work. Murphy would make note of it, seeing how Carrillo and Peña would look at you when it was ridiculously hot out, you having to strip off a layer or two to keep yourself cool. Your shirt would cling to your body due to the sweat, outline your breasts more than the shirt would do when you weren’t sweating.

He would also make note of how you would take notice of how their shirts would cling to their muscles, seeing how sculpted their bodies were. Carrillo’s arms were…intimidating for some people. But for you, they were what led to a pool of arousal to form in your underwear. Those pants that Javi would wear, that would shape the lower half of his body, mainly his butt, well, you always wondered what it looked like without his clothes on. The three of you thought that you were discreet about the lust that you had for each other, but Steve always took note of it, just to see the annoyed expressions on either one of your faces.

Was he wrong? Not exactly. It was obvious that there was something between the three of you, a carnal desire that was mistaken for something so little, almost nothing in your lives. Sure, there was flirting exchanged from the three of you. One-liners coming from both Carrillo and Peña that would leave you blushing. You playing with their stuff like taking Peña’s aviators or taking Carrillo’s walkie talkie, forcing them to chase after you and grab you, making you all feel slightly aroused by the close proximity that you all shared. It was friendly on the surface, but it was bordering a line of no return. You all were determined to keep it as nothing more, nothing less.

But the lines were getting closer to being blurred by touching each other. It was more frequent, and it was getting harder to never let it drift down to where it was actually needed. You longed for a touch on the arm to go to them grabbing your breasts, just like they longed for you to go to palming them in their pants. And maybe it had to go further with them going under your shirt, getting a chance to let their rough, calloused hands touch your soft skin. Maybe it was necessary for you to reach down, going to their underwear to feel the thin material only making their erections more prominent. Maybe it was necessary to just strip everything off, to act on impulse and do what felt right in that moment. After all, protocol could be broken in desperate measures.

Needless to say, it wasn’t hard to let your mind go down a road of endless possibilities of having just one of them take you, perhaps letting both of them take you. Late nights alone in your apartment could be filled with you moaning their names, one hand down your cotton shorts and the other palming your breast, letting profanities slip out as you drew yourself closer to an orgasm. You thought of having one fucking you senseless and the other fucking your face, neither one of them taking any action in slowing down their actions. How they could edge you closer to an orgasm, but deny it in the last second, seeing you whine at the loss of their touch that was a drug to you. You thought of how they would love to see you beg for more, to fuck you harder, to let you cum, to make you forget the day’s events until you were seeing white.

You just wished that they would take you one day so that you wouldn’t have to wonder how big they actually were in those pants that would occasionally outline their cocks. The image of them right before you, their cocks painfully hard and waiting to fill your mouth up and reach the back of your throat. To feel those soft, delicate hands of yours wrap around it, pumping it slowly and making eye contact with them as you did it, batting those eyelashes at them before taking them in your mouth again was what brought you on the brink of an orgasm. The image of them waiting to take you so they could ruin everything about you, leave you with your makeup running down your face and a hoarse voice from all the screaming of their names would be imprinted in your brain.

And in their respective homes your name could be escaping their lips, their hand down their boxers, pumping slowly and letting a finger circle around the tip, wishing it was your tongue on their cock. They wanted to look down to see that mouth of yours stretched wide open, trying to fit their cock in your mouth so it could reach new depths. They wanted to thrust into your mouth, grab your hair so they could take control while you took it all like the good girl that you were. They wanted to hear and feel you gag on their cocks, making them grunt and whisper sweet nothings to you about how you were doing a good job of taking them with no complaints.

Sweat would be dripping down their face as they thought of taking you in the office after seeing you in a tight blouse and equally tight pants, just wanting to rip the blouse open and hear the buttons fall on the floor as they took a breast out of your bra to suck on them, hearing soft moans come out one by one from you before they just took you on the fucking desk. Out in the open to relieve some stress and try to see who could make the other cum first before going home to finish the activities. Or even after a night of going out and going back to each other’s homes like this one, maybe acting on impulse to kiss you instead of watching you walk in, seeing the way your pants cuffed your ass the way they would cuff it with their hands.

The fantasy was alive in your minds, but you guys wouldn’t act on it. Escobar was what mattered, not having Pena and Carrillo strip you naked and take you until you just couldn’t take it anymore, your sensitivity making it impossible to take it from either one of them. Them fucking you until your juices are just coating their fucking cocks, screaming so fucking loud that the cars that drive by are barely audible. Them getting off on seeing you in a state of euphoria, the high of cumming multiple times would have you see white as your eyes rolled back. But Escobar was the top priority, and impulsive decisions were never good. They were unnecessary risks that led to consequences that the faint hearted couldn’t handle.

“One drink won’t hurt, right?” Peña looked at you, and then Carrillo. Carrillo was hesitant, not knowing what one drink would do. One drink was the fatality of all morally right decisions. It could be the drink that led to answers of questions that a sober person would normally omit. It could be a detriment to a friendship, a relationship even. It could change the dynamics of how you would all look at each other, knowing how you all were in a different environment without the looming pressure of catching Escobar on your minds. To let all the stress, whether it would be mental, emotional, or physical just escape for once. That was what one drink could do, but was it worth it?

“Just say yes. That’s all you gotta do.” You bit your lip as you said it, your fingers twirling your keys as you waited for his answer. Were you trying to entice Carrillo by biting your lip? Yes, but what would a little lip bite do to someone? It wouldn’t hurt anyone. What would hurt would be how they would take you objectively, just as you imagined they would. A pain that would be worth feeling as it drew you closer to climaxing and fulfilling a fantasy that was created in the depths of your mind the moment you transferred down to Columbia and laid your eyes on the two of them.

“Yes,” With the way that he said it, it was almost as if he was trying to familiarize himself with that word. After all, it was used in a context of agreeing to go upstairs to a woman’s apartment that he’s been waiting to fuck for as long as he could remember. A smile tugged at your lips from his response and you went to open the door, feeling both of their eyes on your ass. You decided to make it interesting for you by dropping your keys, bending down to reach them, putting your ass out on the forefront for them to look at and long to touch, as were you longing to have them touch you in the most intimate of places.

You finally opened the door, turning on the light and placing your keys on the table, moving out of the way so they could walk in. You took notice of their outfits, Carrillo in that dark green outfit that was a tad bit too tight around his arms, highlighting how strong he was on top. You looked over to Pena, seeing that his shirt was unbuttoned, sweating near his neck which only made it harder to ignore how his neck was a turn on for you. It was just so strong, and it only looked hotter when he was angry. The way his neck would be flexed, the tension reminding you of how his arms would be flexed when he would be man-handling a suspect. You forced yourself to peel your eyes away from them and walked over to the kitchen, going to the refrigerator. Knowing that beer was the “safer” option for three of you, you pulled out three bottles, feeling that wine would be a bit too formal for a night like this.

You handed them the beer after opening it up for them, letting your fingers brush past theirs. You wondered how they would feel on the rest of your body, caressing it or making it a point to feel pain that was more so pleasure for you. You walked back over to the kitchen to get your beer, taking a small sip, letting the alcohol enter your body after a day of no success in catching Escobar. It was disappointing, to say the least. You guys were putting your lives on the line, with no avail. Escobar was always two, three, maybe even four steps ahead of you guys and there was no one to turn to except each other.

The police? Not a chance with the way they were all on a payroll for Escobar and every other drug lord that could pay them off. The Columbian Government? They were just as bad as the police, maybe even worse as they were the ones setting the example for the police to follow. Your government? They were no help to you guys as their actions were the complete opposite of what they said they were doing on television. All they wanted was to ensure that they could get some money out of this and to have the chance to play captain on a boat that was sinking. The president could lie all he wanted to on television, to say that they were making progress in something that was only going to go down in flames in the end. But the fact of the matter was you were the ones that were out there that could see the lies. The government only wanted the glory of saying that they helped with the war on drugs, if you could even it call it that.

Were you guys perfect? No, not in the slightest bit. You got your hands dirty in the line of war, even when you wanted to stay dry for just one day. Blood covered your hands no matter how hard you scrubbed it off. It was still there, in memory. No number of promotions, awards, or congratulations from those that knew or didn’t know the situation at hand could make you guys feel relieved in what it was that you guys did every single day. It changed you guys, whether you believed it or not. You were not the same as you guys were before the wild goose chase of finding and capturing Escobar was set into motion. You saw things you wished to forget, did things that haunted your dreams, and wondered if everything that you guys were doing was for a noble cause.

In theory it was, saving the people from drugs that destroyed families, homes, and could bring down anyone that was against it. But in reality? It was just politics, something that you hated for as long as you could remember. Politics that only worked in your favor when it was something that could suit the ones in power. It was bullshit, but so was everything about this war on drugs and capturing Escobar. You needed a break from the bullshit that surrounded your life as a person trying to capture someone so far out, and so did they.

So, one drink was what brought things to a haze of some sorts, to where you said things that you would normally keep to yourself. You made a few flirtatious comments, letting the alcohol do the talking that you wouldn’t dare say with a sober mind. You guys all went over to your couch, and you were in between the two of them, Peña to your left and Carrillo to your right. The tv was on, playing a black-and-white Columbian movie that none of you guys were paying attention to.

Your beers were slowly dwindling away with each sip and the conversation started to take a turn from light to heavy. You felt yourself relax a tad bit, seeing them relax too and look more alive. You got another drink for the three of you, and the more the alcohol entered your bodies, the closer you got to making rash decisions. You would touch them in places that you only thought of when you would touch yourself, needing a release of some sort without taking it too far. Maybe the lack of eating made it easier to have the alcohol take over quickly, or maybe you were just done waiting for something that needed to happen. They did the same but were more subtle as they wanted to tread carefully, not wanting to blur the lines of friendship over a misunderstanding.

By the fifth round, it was decided that they would crash at your place for the night, seeing as though they couldn’t even call a cab for themselves without slurring their words. You felt yourself become wet at the thought of them staying over, knowing that they would only be in the next room over instead of being a drive away. You weren’t sure if your drunk self could keep your fantasies hidden away with that in mind, and they weren’t sure if they could last knowing that you were in the other room, in skimpy clothing that barely kept you cool with how hot it was down in Colombia.

Suddenly there was less space between the three of you, your arms brushing against one another and they leaned in closer to you, to where you could smell the hints of cologne that sent you on a frenzy. Maybe sometime in between they both made the accusation that you moaned when you got a whiff of their scent, but you only laughed, knowing that they had no clue as to how you really moaned when you were being pleasured. You playfully hit them, letting your touch linger a bit longer than it should’ve. You felt the goosebumps rise on their skin with your touch. The hair on their necks would stand tall as you leaned on either one of their shoulders, and you could feel goosebumps on your skin rise as they would casually place a hand on your thighs, to just grab something that was across from them. Their hands were strong and were interesting to look at, seeing that they held stories that you didn’t know about.

Their eyes would be a tell-tale sign that they had seen the horrors of trying to dismantle a drug cartel. But their hands were the proof of them trying to make a difference. They would move your hair out of your face, taking their time in studying your features. You were all treading on uncharted territory that was dangerous, but danger was what was needed in life. Danger was the fire that would keep you alive. To burn brighter and higher as you took chance after chance to live a life that was only shown in the movies.

Deciding to stop drinking after the fifth round, you got up, placing both of your hands on one of their thighs to balance yourself. You could feel them tense up from your hands gripping their thighs, but they didn’t say anything about it. You took their beers as they were done, and you brought them over to the kitchen to throw them out. You were getting ready to get some water when you heard them whispering. You couldn’t make out what they were saying but you figured it was nothing serious. Suddenly, they got up and went into the kitchen. You turned around and saw them eyeing you, making you feel hot. Their stare made you question whether or not you could last until you went to bed. You went to go to another part of the kitchen, but they got closer to you. You took a sip of your water, needing something to cool you off as you felt hotter with them being so close to you.

As you went to turn, Horacio came up behind you, placing his hands on your hips and dipping his head to bring it closer to your neck, his breath fanning it. Javier was in the front, looking down as he took his fingers and brought them to your chin, lifting it up ever so softly. You stared into those deep but gentle eyes where his irises had bloomed from the arousal that was building from the time he walked into your apartment.

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks and you bit your lip, seeing that had a reaction on Peña as he let out a slight groan at the sight of your teasing. Horacio let his hands drift down to get closer to your clothed core, something that you longed for. While Horacio went south, Javier ventured away from the northern area and went to grab your breasts, lightly squeezing them. It felt so fucking good to be touched after such a long time of being denied of that desire.

“Bonita, don’t fight it. Let go.” Javier could sense that you were trying to hold back, not wanting to give in just yet. Horacio hummed in agreement as he continued to kiss your neck, wanting to make it easier on their end to get you to stop holding back. You let out a soft moan, barely audible once Javi got to your shirt, opening the buttons and letting his fingers touch your breasts. Horacio let his hands unbutton your pants, not needing to see what he was doing. Perhaps he had a lot of experience like his partner did.

“Just say yes. That’s all you gotta do.” Horacio mimicked your words from earlier as he let his hand go into your underwear, feeling how your arousal has been building for the both of them. Javier unbuttoned your shirt entirely, letting your lacy blue bra be exposed. You knew that you couldn’t fight it anymore. You managed to catch your breath and open your eyes, still seeing Javi’s eyes transfixed on to you, waiting for your answer.

“Yes,” You breathed out, feeling Horacio’s fingers go down where they needed to be at. Javi wasted no time in capturing your lips, and you moaned in his mouth as his lips were the perfect blend of beer and cigarettes and Horacio had gotten down to putting his fingers in between your lips, gathering your slick to then rub your clit.

“How long have you been like this for? Were you just going to go in your room and get yourself off without a little help?” Horacio whispered in the shell of your ear, rubbing nice and slow, making your hips roll with him. You continued to kiss Javi but Horacio’s words made your face burn with heat, moaning slightly in the other’s mouth as Javi touched you all over.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom,” Javi said in between kisses. You all separated but it wasn’t until Horacio carried you bridal style to the room where it finally hit you that this was happening. This was not a fantasy no longer. No, the two men that you were torn between choosing wanted you just as much as you wanted them. If that was not enough to send you over the moon, the way you were placed on the bed and both of them staring down at you, waiting to ravish you was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Javi turned to Carrillo, and the grins they both shared before moving over to you made your stomach drop. Before you knew it, your clothes were being discarded, shirt thrown to the side, your bra unclasped, pants shimmying down with your panties and you were helping them without a second thought, now with you completely naked and them still fully clothed.

“Let’s see how pent up you are,” Carrillo murmured, him trailing up to you to kiss you and Javi traveling down to your exposed sex, his fingers drumming in between your thighs to get them open.

“Open up for me, cielo.” Javi commanded as you were slowly getting lost in Carrillo’s kiss, his much rougher and hasty than Javi’s. You opened up and soon you felt that fluffy hair nuzzling between your thighs before he used his plump lips to suck on your clit. You moaned into Carrillo’s mouth as his hand traveled to your breasts to pinch and tease your raised nipples, the added sensation making you lose focus. You were biting Carrillo’s lip here and there as your hand was moving down to his pants, rubbing his prominent bulge that you were pleasantly surprised about. Before you could do much more, he moved his hands away to undo his belt, pulling down his pants in one swift move after.

Immediately you were clawing at Horacio’s shirt, trying to get the buttons undone so you could feel him, pull him closer to you so that when your peak reached you could fall apart with him all over you. He laughed in between feverish kisses over your neediness, pulling off his shirt too as he pulled away from you, your mouth falling agape as you realized that everything you thought about him was right and then some.

“How does she taste?” Horacio asked as he was stroking himself in his briefs.

“Like heaven,” Javi pulled his head up to speak and dove right back down without a second thought, making you whine more. Horacio captured your lips once more as he was moving his hand between both of your breasts, nipples become overly sensitive from it all. You didn’t know what to focus on more, but with the way Javi sucked on your clit and licked with the perfect balance, not letting up as if it was his last meal unlocked something in you. There was no guy that was more enthusiastic about eating you out the away Javi was. He put his all into it, occasionally licking from bottom to top, top to bottom to get every drop in your slit, giving you a minute to catch your breath before he went back to your bundle of nerves which made you arch your back. But when the deft fingers that you always found yourself getting lost into looking at slipped into your sex, the band of control snapped.

You moved your hand back down to tease Horacio, slipping your hand under the waistband of his briefs to touch him, semi hard already which put a smile on your face. But that smile soon went away as you felt Javi curling his fingers as he pushed them in and out, lightly grazing your spot as he sucked on your clit a little faster, matching the same pace as when he pushed in. You were a mess, sweat beading down your body, hands trying to find someone to grip to hold yourself together, and you were willing to lose yourself because of their ministrations for a lifetime. And so you did, the way Carrillo’s tongue slipped into your mouth, the twist of your nipple, the curl of Javi’s fingers, the way your bundle of nerves were sent over the edge, you were a goner. Blinding pleasure took up your body, mind, and soul as you stilled in stroking Carrillo’s cock and your legs tightened around Javi’s head. But neither of them stopped working you through it, only continuing and slowing little by little until you were done. With that, they moved away from and marveled at how you looked, the smirks on their face making you want more.

“You sure you’re ready for more?” Javi cooed, and you frantically nodded your head as you got up. Horacio was only in his briefs but Javi was still clothed, making you pout. He realized what you wanted so he undressed so he did as you moved to the edge of your bed. Horacio decided it would be more fun if he kissed your neck while you watched, and the show was more than you expected. You knew that Javi’s golden skin was meant to be worshipped, but to see him half naked as his white shirt was pulled off, undoing his belt as he took off his pants, briefs coming down with them as his cock hard, precum leaking when you didn’t even get the chance to touch him as much as you wanted to.

“Someone likes what they see,” Carrillo whispered in your ear, making chills run through you. He came back around and you realized he took off his briefs as well, leaving them naked right in front of you. Without much thought, you got on your knees, getting close to them. If this was how they were now, you wondered how they kept it together being around you so much. You took both of them in your hands, pumping slowly and looking up at them, seeing Javi gripping the bed and Carrillo trying to hold it together by biting his lip, blood threating to seep out if he bit down any harder.

“Who should I start with?” You batted your eyelashes at them, looking down at their cocks and seeing the precum leaking out over your finger.

“Do what feels right,” Javi encouraged, so you took his, still pumping Carrillo with a little more speed and kitten licking the tip to catch the precum, the salty taste making you smirk. You began to suck the tip, looking up at him with the innocent eyes you always teased him with, you both knowing that there was just a glint hidden in between your stare that meant something else, something beyond professionalism. Seeing that he was straining himself to not thread his other hand in your hair, you went ahead and began to take him all, no more teasing after dreaming of this for so long.

“That’s it, take it all,” Javi praised, grip on the bed getting tighter, his knuckles turning snow white. You flattened your tongue and began to take more of him with ease, and the guttural groans escaping his mouth you were in pure ecstasy. You kept bobbing your head, matching the pace of stroking Carrillo’s cock, your fingers swiping over his tip or you gagging on Javi’s cock. You didn’t care about how used you were for the moment, just that your biggest fantasy was coming true.

“Go please him now, pretty girl.” Javi pulled you off of his cock, and you shifted over to Carrillo, wetness dripping to your thighs with the way he looked at you. Instantly, he wrapped his hand around your hair and spat on his cock, getting it nice and ready before you were beginning to take him in your mouth, the stark contrast between the two driving you insane as you loved the gentle nature of Javi but Horacio’s roughness was just enough to make you want more.

“That’s it, let me fuck that pretty face,” He was thrusting into your mouth and you were taking it, Javi deciding to move your hand away to stroke himself and watch you in the act. You could feel yourself gagging here and there, his sheer size making your work overtime to take him, but when he would hold your head in place to fuck your mouth, you couldn’t help but moan. When you slapped his thigh to let you up, he did, bending down to kiss you afterwards.

“I knew with how much you talk I could put that mouth to good use,” He whispered in your ear as they both help you back up to your feet. Your jaw was a little sore, but it made you excited as you wondered what the stretch would be for you where you needed them most. Hell, if you knew this was going to happen you would’ve trained your other hole to take them both at the same time, feeling them both thrust in and out, the fullness that you craved from them finally being achieved. You pictured laying on Javi’s soft body, back flushed against his chest, his cock halfway in your hole, and Carrillo holding your legs up as he pushed in and out, the stretch making you cry from so much overstimulation as you would rub your clit to match his thrusts. You needed that to happen if this would happen again between you three, but you settled for laying back down on the bed and Carrillo and Javi joining you.

“Who do you want to go first?” Javi asked, hand rubbing in between your legs.

“Depends on what position you both want me in.”

“I want to see you. All of you,” Javi moved his hand down further, index finger swiping over your clit to make you buck your hips. “And considering how much this one looks at your ass, I think he’ll want you from the back. Am I wrong?” You both looked at him, and the amused smile confirmed it all.

“He’s right. Now choose cariño.”

“I want Javi to go first.”

“Say no more, bonita.” He kissed your cheek and moved down, putting his hand sin between your legs to open you up. Carrillo got up and started to stroke himself right above your mouth.

“I’m happy I get to use your pretty mouth once more,” You were smiling as he looked down at you, the way the moon was highlight the sharpness of his body, trailing its way up from his stomach to his chest, to the strong neck that you could see yourself leaving marks on. Your eyes shot back down to his cock however, still glistening and the tip leaking more with precum. You sat up and he tapped his cock against your lips, making you take him in your mouth to stop the teasing. You moved your head as best as you could but when he took control and fucked your mouth again, his cock hitting your throat repeatedly, you were moaning as you enjoyed how he used you, and how you could feel Javi gathering up slick from between your lips to smear on his cock.

“Such a good slut for him,” He murmured as he climbed on top of you and was rubbing the tip of his cock in between your folds, tip hitting your clit especially and rubbing around to make you jump. He pushed in without warning, the stretch making you moan loudly and Carrillo stilling inside your mouth. Your walls fluttered around him as he pushed in more, nice and slow to feel you, take his time with you. You could see from your peripheral the way he was biting his lip, holding it together as he softly sweared under his breath.

“So fucking wet, all for us,” He bent down to whisper it in your ear, making you clench more around his cock. He rutted inside of you, making sure every ridge and curve would be felt. It was a slower pace, but you figured he was slow as you were a little preoccupied with how Carrillo was still using you until he pulled you off, letting you rest your head back down on the bed.

“I want to watch. Give me a show,” Carrillo kissed your forehead and moved off to the side, leaving you to focus completely on Javi. He thrusted with more consistency, skin slapping as you could feel the curve brushing against your walls. You clawed at his back, trying to hold it together as you didn’t think in a million years that he would feel this good in just a few thrusts.

“Javi, fuck, you feel so good,” You were whining more, legs wrapping around him.

“That’s it baby, let it all out.” He cooed in your ear as he went a little faster, the speed finally giving you what you needed. It was as though you two were rocking a little, both wanting the other to pull out but the fullness you had and how your velvety walls clung around his size made it impossible to want to pull out fully. All you knew was that in this moment, you would go into any position for them just so that you could feel both of them fill you up in different angles. Tips pressing up near your spot, the stretch, the way your walls would cling to them out of desperation, everything you could want was happening as you moaned while sucking Carrillo’s cock and Javi was realizing how no matter how much he would tighten his hand it never matched to how you felt.

Javi’s hand snuck down in between you and the flick of his finger on your clit made you jolt, a sharp moan coming out of you and going right to Carrillo as he thrusted into your mouth a little more. Toying with you, he would match his thrusts and slap your clit a little making you whimper before rubbing it to soothe you. Before you could pull him out of your mouth to say anything, you came with a force so heavy it blinded you, the moan coming from deep inside you that vibrated through Carrillo as you moaned. Javi rode you through it while Carrillo continued to use you.

“You loved being used like this don’t you? A little slut for the two of us.” You hummed in agreement which made Carrillo buck his hips into your mouth more.

“Do that again and I might have to fuck your pretty face again,” Carrillo half warned, half made a promise on it. You contemplated on it, but the idea of testing your luck with the man that scared and also turned you on got the best of you. So you did, and the way he took hold of your hair and thrusted relentlessly made you tighten around Javi’s cock.

“Keep tightening around me, hermosa,” The strain in his voice, knowing that he was fucking into you harder, faster, all too consuming while you were testing the limits with your throat, jaw-slacked and looking up at him with the doe eyes that both of them loved once you regained control of yourself. How you managed to breathe through your nose and take it even when he barely pulled out of your mouth to let you breathe was beyond your understanding, but to have both of them was worth it.

“Gonna make him cum, little one?” You hummed in response as Javi’s death grip on your hips loosened and you unwrapped your legs, him pulling out and painting a nice cum shot on your stomach, thick ropes of cum that made you tighten around nothing. He was out of breath, perspiration lining his skin, biting his lip even. He squeezed the tip more to get some more out, and Carrillo pulled out of your mouth. You brought your hand down to get some on your fingers, swiping it up and tasting it. You could see Javi shutter and Carrillo transfixed by the way you lapped it up with each venture down to your stomach and back to your mouth.

“Cleaning up your mess like I knew you would,” Javi moved down to kiss the top of your head as you tasted the last bit of it, enjoying the saltiness of it all. “But how are you feeling?”

“I feel fine. Little tired but I can go on.” You were still catching your breath but the haze that was clouding your mind made you want to go on for more.

“You sure? I don’t want to push you.” Carrillo, surprisingly soft, pushed your hair back.

“If I can’t go anymore, I’ll stop.” You smiled at him and he held back a groan. How could you look so pretty below him?

“You think you can take me?” He countered, and the thought of being stretched out further excited you more than it should’ve. Oh, how did you last this long without having them?

“Doesn’t hurt to try now does it?” The glint in your eyes stoked the fire inside of him that he thought was already burning red hot the moment he entered your apartment.

“That’s a good girl. Turn around for me.” You turned around and got on all fours, facing your mirror and the window which let the moonlight shine on all three of you. He got behind you, hands settled right near your love handles and pulled you towards him, just when you could feel the curve of his dick pressed against your slit, rubbing right in between.

“Look at you coating my fucking dick, baby,” Slapping your ass, you jolted as he pressed the tip near your hole. “And now I get to feel you.” And he pushed in a little roughly, the stretch almost unbearable as you didn’t think you could take either one of them. But you did, the slow yet strong pumps to test you out was eliciting the wanton moans that could be heard out the window. Javi reached down to you and kissed your temple, tilting your head so you could look at him.

“Such a good girl. Don’t stop, bonita.” He pushed the stray hairs out of your face as you took the slow increase in speed from Carrillo, the tip brushing your walls with each thrust. Javi grabbed one of your breasts and teased your nipple, pinching lightly. You bit your lip as the pain and pleasure mixed together, building with each second that passed. You couldn’t see much but both Javi and Carrillo were looking in the mirror, watching you with intensity. Although Javi was through, he felt a jolt go through him as he helped you get off. Carrillo took glances at your ass and your reflection in the mirror, getting harder at the site of you arched down, taking it him whole.

“Ay, ella se siente increíble,” Carrillo threw his head back a little as you started to meet him halfway, your breath hard to catch as you were beginning to get overstimulated. Javi met you down to your face and kissed your temple, mumbling sweet nothings in Spanish that if you could translate you would probably flutter around Carrillo.

“Baby, take a look at yourself in the mirror.” He whispered as his hand moved from your breasts up to your head and grabbed a fistful of your hair. His grip on your hair as he lifted your head up to look in the mirror made you whine, but your walls only tightened when you saw all three of you in the mirror. Javi’s face so close to yours, lips grazing your temple, you bent over in obscene ways, Carrillo taking you where you could see the way his arms were flexed based on the grip he had on your hips. You watched as he fucked you harder, seeing that he was looking down at how he was going in and out of you. You reveled in how soft Javi’s lips were against your skin, how he worshipped you and Carrillo took you in ways you never would speak about in broad daylight. Javi pulled away to move up and face Carrillo.

“Doesn’t she look so pretty like this?”

“She does. Should’ve done this sooner,” Carrillo was throwing his head back as you were beginning to meet his thrusts to get ever inch. Your third orgasm of the night was gaining traction and you were beginning to move a hand down to rub your sensitive clit but Javi stopped you, swatting your hand away and moving his other hand there.

“You’ll cum on our command. Got it?” Javi was looking at you through the mirror. You nodded but then you felt Carrillo and Javi stop. “Use your words.” They were both staring at you and you tried to gasp for some air to speak properly.

“Yes. I’ll cum on your command, I promise.” You darted your eyes between the two and they resumed, much to your pleasure. Deft fingers toying with your sensitive clit, curved and thick cock exploring your walls, and you were in your world of desire that seemed to be taking new heights the more you continued this. But now, with your climax getting closer and closer to blooming, you were beginning to feel your body shake.

“Not yet. Hold it.” Carrillo stayed steady with his thrusts and the tight circles that Javi was rubbing was making you grip the sheets.

“Please! Please, please let me cum!” You were begging, so close to the thread snapping and you cumming undone. You saw that the two of them looked at each other and nodded.

“Cum.” That was all that you needed to hear before you cried out, collapsing your upper half but the lower half being held up by Carrillo as he fucked you through your orgasm and Javi slowed his circles. You soon heard the grunts and felt the slow and sloppy thrusts coming as Carrillo pulled out and Javi moved away. You turned around to face him, on your knees in the bed looking up at him with your mouth open. He came with a grunt, the cum landing right on your tongue and a little on your lip. You swallowed it all and cleaned up, giving him a smile and it made more shot out on his hand. You took his hand and licked it up too, winking at him.

“So proud of you, princesa.” He grabbed your jaw gently and kissed your forehead. You were a mess, albeit a happy mess as you were trying to catch your breath with all the pleasure washing over you. Soon it slowed, Javi’s hand moving away to rub your back and Carrillo helping you lay down. Javi gave you one of the pillows as you lifted your head up to lay on it as Carrillo got up to go to the bathroom. Javi laid next to you and caressed your face, making you blush.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I am. I don’t know how I’m going to get to work tomorrow though,” You joke, knowing that your legs were jelly at this point.

“We’ll drive you, but you better be walking since we can’t carry you around all day.” He kissed your forehead right when Carrillo came back with the towels from your bathroom. Javi took his towel and Carrillo tossed his to the side, tending to you. He got on the bed and was on top of you, wiping you off as you hummed in relief. Javi finished wiping himself off just as Carrillo got done with you. Still unable to move you were amused when Carrillo tossed your legs a little to get the sheet from underneath them. He then draped it over your lower body and then wiped himself off. Javi got under the sheet with you as Carrillo tossed the three towels in your hamper haphazardly.

“Someone’s gotta do their laundry now,” Carrillo teased.

“I’ll get to it eventually. Gotta find the feeling in my legs again to move.” Both laughed at your new state, used to you running around and now you were bed ridden for the night.

“By the morning you’ll be fine. But sleep.” Carrillo was getting ready to get dressed again as well as Javi, but you got up.

“Can you both stay with me?” You shifted your eyes between them, the little pleading as you moved to the middle of your bed igniting something in them.

They obliged after some thought, you in the middle with Carrillo on your back and Javi near your front. Carrillo’s hand rested on your ass and Javi’s was right near your shoulder. A little awkward, but both of them were softly snoring within minutes with all the energy you took out of them. Maybe you would end up not talking about it until the time came round again or even in passing, but for now you let the calm call of sleep lull you away.

[somedaylazysomeday]

Matter of Perspective - Part Four

Carrillo doesn't let your late night at the office interrupt your dinner plans.

Horacio Carrillo x fem!reader

Rating: Explicit. Minors, do not interact.

Word Count: 3,800

Warnings: Mentions of danger, minor awkwardness, oral sex (fem receiving), reader is a NERD, and sexual content.

Previous | Masterlist

---

It was nearly nine when you finished with the open files on your desk. 

Okay, ‘finished’ was a bit optimistic. You had managed to tame the pile down to something that was possible to achieve during the following work day. It was a start, and you felt much more relaxed as you shut off the small desk lamp, gathered your belongings, and started toward the door. 

The bus system in Bogotá wasn’t bad, all things considered. It was even fairly safe. Ironically, Pablo Escobar himself was part of the reason. He had made some changes to the system as part of his effort to win over the working class, and it had worked. Buses ran regularly, charged a standard minimum fare, and were well-lit with a policy of no harassment. 

Of course, coming from the DEA and going to DEA housing wasn’t safe since there was a bounty on every DEA agent’s head, but if you walked a few blocks from headquarters and then a few more to your apartment, it was manageable. 

Normally, you caught a ride with some coworkers who lived in a nearby neighborhood, but they had left on time and you had waved off their offers to come back later for you. You could always call a cab… though honestly, that would probably be more expensive and just as dangerous. 

Your brain itched as you stepped into the lobby of the building, and you were already turning when the figure to your left spoke. “Finally finished?” 

The shriek you let out echoed in the lobby, prolonging your embarrassment as you stared at Carrillo’s chest. He was chuckling, you could hear it, but you still wished you could melt into the floor. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, trying (and failing) to act like you hadn’t just been scared out of your wits. 

“I wanted to make sure you left the building before midnight,” Carrillo told you, still smirking. “And to see if I could take you home.” 

“You didn’t have to do that,” you told him, though you couldn’t help but be happy about the chance to spend more time together. 

“How else would you get home?” he asked, and there was a note in his tone that reminded you why Carrillo had been brought back to Colombia when things were at their bleakest. Your attention snapped to his face and found him giving you a stern look. “If I find out you’ve been riding the bus, cariña…”

“I haven’t,” you assured him, feeling defensive when he cast you a doubtful look. “I haven’t! I mean, I was going to, but I didn’t.” 

“Is that supposed to be better?” Carrillo asked. 

“I was going to be careful.” 

“We both know that you're not the one I was worried about.” He sighed, motioning you to the door. “Let’s get you home.” 

Being in Carrillo’s car was an utterly new experience. It wasn’t anything special, but it was in good shape and ruthlessly clean. He had graciously not pointed out that you knew which was his without being told - how could you help that you had been in the parking lot when he drove in to work one day? - and you hadn’t mentioned it, either. 

The radio was turned to a local station, playing quietly in the background. It was almost drowned out entirely by the rush of air whipping past the open windows, and occasional street lights tossed rectangles of buttery light over the interior of the car. You did your best not to stare at Carrillo, but the way that light illuminated the strength of his jaw and the curve of his neck? It was nothing short of hypnotic. 

It was a quiet evening, weather mild. The streets looked almost peaceful as they eased past you in the night. It was difficult to believe the bloodshed and violence they had seen. Perhaps it was good that the short drive took place with silence between you and Carrillo. You needed the chance to decompress and he didn’t seem bothered by the lack of conversation. 

You used all of your willpower to hold back a smart comment when you noted that Carrillo hadn’t needed directions from you to arrive at your apartment building. 

“Thank you for driving me. I really appreciate it.” You were out of the car before you had managed to gather enough courage to ask, “Do you want to come inside?” 

The confused look he gave you made your skin crawl with dismay… until he turned off the car and got out. “I thought that was the plan? For us to have dinner together?”

“Oh, I- yeah…” You shifted uncomfortably. “I really don’t keep much around the apartment. Unless you want a sandwich? Or maybe a granola bar or some ice cream? Or I have these chips that taste like-”

As you had been rambling through the contents of your pantry, Carrillo had gone to his trunk and retrieved a large bag. “I would not ask you to cook for me. I offered, remember?”

“But… I had to work late…” It seemed like an incredibly weak excuse, even more so since Carrillo was standing in front of you with a bag that smelled like it held something delicious. 

“And now you are done,” he said, nodding toward your front door. “If you don’t mind?” 

You scrambled to open the door, holding it so Carrillo could step through before you closed it and turned on a light. Then you mildly panicked because your apartment was messier than you liked and the man you had just decided to have a relationship with was seeing it. 

“Sorry, sorry,” you apologized, hurrying into your small kitchen. “Let me just move some of this stuff out of the way…” 

“I’ll do it,” he offered. “Then I’ll heat this up. You go change… unless you are already comfortable?”

You smiled despite yourself at the discomfort in Carrillo’s expression as he rethought what he had just said. He couldn’t cast too many aspersions on your clothes - he wasn’t in uniform, but a white tee shirt and dark green cargo pants hardly seemed like lounge wear. 

“I’ll be right back,” you told him eventually, enjoying your taste of revenge after he had startled you so badly earlier. 

Carrillo nodded and offered you a small smile. He had already found a deep cooking pot and was emptying one of the containers into it. The sheer domesticity of it made your chest tight as you ducked into your bedroom. 

Normally, you liked to shower after a day at the office - especially a long day - but you were willing to put aside your routine in favor of spending more time with Carrillo. 

Instead, you changed into a pair of soft shorts and a tee shirt, washed your face, and brushed your teeth. You gave yourself a skeptical look in the mirror as you spat out a mouthful of toothpaste. It made no sense to brush your teeth before you ate a meal, but it made you feel less self-conscious, so you considered it worthwhile. 

By the time you came back out of your room, you felt far more human than you had after such a long day. Your timing seemed perfect, too: Carrillo was just setting two bowls on your tiny kitchen table. 

“It smells wonderful,” you told him. “Thank you for this.” 

The coronel was about to grab a plate of rounded pastries when you reached to give him a kiss on the cheek. Before you could pull away, he had lifted his hand, locking you in place with nothing more than a brush of fingertips over the softness of your jaw. The kiss he returned was decidedly not on your cheek, but you didn’t mind in the slightest. 

Instead, you eased into Carrillo’s embrace, winding your arms around him until he had to make a clear effort to extricate himself. “You taste minty.” 

You smiled. “Thanks. I hope that won’t interfere with what we’re eating. I’m starving!” 

“We’re having ajiaco,” Carrillo told you, pulling you to the table and holding your chair steady as you sat. “It’s popular around here.”

The name was familiar - you had seen it on a few menus at local restaurants you had visited. That was the extent of your knowledge, but it looked fairly simple when you swiped your spoon through it. Chicken broth, potato, shredded chicken, and some herbs, along with half of an ear of corn. 

You subtly watched Carrillo, copying him as he added capers and what looked like heavy cream to his bowl. Garlic danced across your tongue when you took your first bite, followed with something that tasted almost like oregano. The capers were an interesting touch, and the cream brought out the potatoes’ subtle flavor. 

“You made this?” you asked. 

Carrillo smiled, and you were glad he wasn’t offended by the surprise in your tone. “Sí. My mother taught me. She would be glad to know her lessons were worth it.”

“Incredibly,” you agreed, taking another bite. “What’s on that plate?” 

He pulled it between your bowls, putting it in easy reach for both of you. “Normally, ajiaco is served with rice, but I didn’t know how long you would be in the office. There is a special place in hell for those who serve mushy rice.” 

Carrillo looked so serious as he delivered that wisdom that you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I got some arepas instead,” he finished. “These are arepas de queso.”

You eagerly took one when he pushed the plate toward you. Even after so much time spent in Colombia, you had never met an arepa you didn’t like. These were no exception, deep-fried and filled with a mild but flavorful cheese. 

“You’re spoiling me, Horacio,” you told him, struggling not to speak with food in your mouth. 

“Consider it one of the many ways I will make up for treating you so badly before.” 

You set down your spoon, letting it clatter against the side of the bowl to draw his attention. “I already told you that you have nothing to apologize for, nothing to make up for. You’ve been put in a position where you need to be defensive and suspicious of people to survive. So, please, don’t feel like you owe me anything.” 

“Perhaps it is a convenient excuse to show that I care,” he suggested, capturing your hand so he could press a kiss against the back of your knuckles. 

“That’s entirely justified, then.” Your sense of satisfaction only increased as you fished the corncob out of your soup and took a deliciously messy bite. 

Companionable silence reigned as you both ate. When you eventually leaned back with a satisfied sigh, you asked, “What do you think the odds are that Peña will be able to keep his mouth shut about us?” 

“Reasonably good, I would guess,” Carrillo replied with a shrug. 

“Really?” you asked, brows furrowing at him. “You must have a higher opinion of his abilities than I do.”

“When it is a matter of safety or security, Peña is a very serious man.” 

The idea of it made you sober, losing some of the quiet joy brought on by spending time with Carrillo. The food sat more heavily in your stomach. Pablo Escobar not only knew who Horacio Carrillo was, but feared him. And what Escobar feared, he did his best to kill.

“I don’t like the idea of Escobar hunting you,” you told Carrillo honestly. 

It wasn’t a particularly profound statement, but Carrillo nodded gravely. “I understand, cariña. I feel the same way when I think of you.” 

“He doesn’t know who I am,” you argued. “That’s hardly the same thing.” 

“Escobar may not know who you are now,” Carrillo countered, voice gentle. “But if he finds out that I care for you, you will be in just as much danger as me. Maybe more.” 

“I knew that was a risk when I came to Colombia.” You smiled at him, covering his hand with your own. “But let’s just agree to keep things quiet between us. Then we’ll never have to worry about it.” 

That wasn’t realistic, not remotely feasible, but Carrillo just returned your smile. Sometimes, a platitude and an unrealistic estimation of danger was what you needed to continue living your life. Besides, if you had to choose between the two, you would still want to be with Carrillo. You were in danger either way, and he made you happy. 

You caught a sudden glimpse of the future, your mind kicking out a theory of the way things would work out: these issues weren’t going away, and you wouldn’t be able to pretend for long that they weren’t important. Eventually, you would need to face them head-on and figure out a way to deal with the risks, or you would part ways. 

But neither of those needed to happen today. 

Pushing away your own tendency to fixate on what could go wrong, you leaned toward Carrillo, hoping he would mirror you. He did, and the resulting kiss was everything you wanted: warmth, tenderness, and an edge of heat that took your breath away. 

“Did you know,” you murmured between brushes of your lips against his, “that I have a bedroom?” 

“A bedroom?” Carrillo asked, eyes giving a playful sparkle. “I had no idea. I may not believe you. I think you’ll need to show me.” 

“I can do that,” you agreed, giving a final, savoring kiss before you stood. Carrillo’s fingers laced through yours as you pulled him eagerly toward your bedroom. 

You didn’t bother with the lights, but you couldn’t prevent yourself from stealing another kiss… And pulling off his shirt since you were already stopped. While you were at it, you remembered something you hadn’t gotten to do last time, so you gave Carrillo’s ass a healthy squeeze. He startled a bit at the contact, but deepened the kiss with a helpless groan. 

His revenge came swift and silent as one large hand rose to cup your breast, thumb stroking over the exact place where your nipple was tightening for him. Your back arched automatically, pushing further into his touch. 

Carrillo urged your arms upward and took your tee shirt off with a smooth motion. Since you hadn’t bothered with a bra, you were exposed from the waist up. His hands seemed to be everywhere, matched by his mouth as he took advantage of the skin he had bared. You staggered back a step at a time, Carrillo shadowing your every move until you realized he was herding you toward the bed. 

Somewhere along the way, you lost the rest of your clothes and he lost his. He was just as beautiful as you remembered - tan skin dusted with dark hair and marked with occasional scars. Muscles shifted under his skin as he moved, but nothing showy or intimidating. Carrillo was muscular as a side effect of being a healthy and active person, not because he spent precious hours in the gym. He was already hard, glistening at the tip and bobbing slightly with every step.

When you finally collapsed onto the soft surface, Carrillo didn’t follow you. Instead, he stood at the edge of the bed, looming over you. You leaned up, resting back on your elbows as you tilted your head at him. “Horacio? What are- Ah!”

In a single, smooth motion, the coronel had lowered himself to his knees and pulled you to the edge of the bed. Your legs had parted automatically around him and you found him watching you over the peaks and valleys of your body. His eyes were dark and hungry, his face hovering only inches above where you throbbed for him.

“Do you want this, querida?” Carrillo asked. His voice was as anticipatory as his expression, but he didn’t move. “Is this something you object to?”

You had already started frantically nodding in answer to his first question by the time the second made it through the fog of arousal clouding your mind. Carrillo drew his hands away and sat back, pausing only when you made a dismayed sound. “Horacio, please. Yes, I want this. No, I don’t object to it. And I think I’m going to explode if you don’t touch me soon.”

The slow, self-satisfied curl of his lips made you fill with warmth in several places, but most notably inside your ribcage and in your core. And the fact that the smirk stayed even as he parted your thighs and pressed himself slowly between them?

Delicious. 

That was the only word in your mind as Carrillo started lowering his head to you, then even that disappeared in the blast of sensation. His tongue trailed upward, exploring you from the bottom of your slit to the top of it, dipping shallowly into your core as if he was hinting at things to come. 

“Fuck, cariña,” he growled. He hadn’t pulled very far away from you, and the rumbled of his voice buzzed pleasantly through you. “Keep making those noises for me.” 

Ridiculously, it was only then that you realized the pleasure was pushing a variety of noises from your lips. Since he clearly wasn’t bothered by them, you let them pour from you. His lips made you moan, his tongue made you plead, and the feeling of his stubble against your most sensitive places made you writhe. And when he applied gentle suction against your clit, your mouth fell open in a silent gasp that strained the hinges of your jaw. 

You sat up with a groan that sounded alarmingly close to a whine, pushing him away. 

“What is wrong?” he asked, gaze searching your face for clues in the shadowed twilight of the room. 

“I’m gonna come if you keep doing that,” you told him. The bluntness of it made you feel like you should be embarrassed, but who had the time? You were sitting in front of him, folds swollen and shining with a combination of your wetness and his. 

Carrillo lifted his face further, and your core clenched when you saw that the shine across his lips trailed down to his chin. “I am willing to risk it.”

“No,” you refused, and he instantly stilled. “I want you inside of me. Please… I want you so badly…”

He didn’t move, not until you leaned back and spread your thighs a little further apart. Whether it was your request or the sight of what he had done to you, Carrillo seemed spurred into action. He had wiped his mouth and crawled onto the mattress before you could properly recognize that he was moving, but you eagerly kissed him the moment he was in range. The taste of you was strong in his mouth, but it was only another part of kissing him. 

Carrillo held himself on his hands above you, eyes roaming hungrily over your body. Yours were doing the same thing to him, so it was thrilling to know that he was just as entranced by you as you were by him. 

“Hey,” you said, using your best sultry bedroom voice. “Wanna see a magic trick?” 

He gave you an inscrutable look for longer than was really comfortable, but eventually said, “Have I forgotten to speak English? Or did you just offer to show me a magic trick while we’re in your bed together?”

“Tah dah,” you finished weakly, holding up the condom.

“I just watched you pull that out from under your pillow,” Carrillo told you, though you could see how hard he was fighting a smile. 

“Why would I keep condoms under my pillow?” you countered. “That doesn’t make sense.” 

Wisely, Carrillo didn’t respond to that except by taking the condom in exchange for another kiss. In moments, his practiced motions had concluded and he was braced over you again. The tip of him was lined up with your entrance and you were nearly trembling with anticipation as he pressed slowly into you. 

He couldn’t have had much more than his head inside of you when he lowered himself carefully, capturing your lips as you moaned your frustration. That moan turned abruptly into a shout as he speared into you, and Carrillo swallowed the sound directly from your mouth. 

When he pulled back, he looked almost as dazed as you felt. “You’re so perfect for me, querida. So tight for me, and sweeter than anything.” 

Without the incentive of his lips against yours, your head tipped back against the sheets. “Horacio, I- need you to move. You feel so good… Need more. I-”

Carrillo took your request to heart, picking up a pounding rhythm that had you bouncing with the force of his thrusts. The thickness of him inside of you was both a shock and a joy to your nerves. You felt like he was splitting you open, but in a way that made your lungs burn and your toes curl. 

Your hands clutched at his back, massaging the bunched muscles of his shoulders as he held himself steady over you. Then your touch drifted downward, appreciating the way those muscles shifted and moved more rapidly as you got closer to his hips. With that pace, you were surprised he wasn’t exhausted already. 

Granted, all of those thoughts and sensations seemed distant, hidden behind the surge of sensation that exploded through you every time he plunged into your body once more. Your breathing was stuttering, your fingers spasming against the taut skin of Carrillo’s back. 

“Are you close?” he asked. The fact that his hoarse voice in your ear was nearly enough to push you over the edge made you nod, the motion frantic. “Touch yourself for me, cariña. Need to feel you around me.”

“Horacio,” you stammered, half protesting even as your fingers snaked between his body and yours. The very millisecond your fingertips pressed against your clit, you were gone. Your muscles contracted, clenching around Carrillo’s length inside of you, your fingers pressing ever harder as your brain hijacked your autonomy to chase deeper pleasure than you thought you could stand. 

Unsurprisingly, your orgasm pushed Carrillo over the edge. His hips snapped against yours, hard enough that it would have been painful if it weren’t for the endorphins currently flooding your system. You could feel him spasming inside of you as he spilled into the condom and your hips tilted automatically, pulling a helpless sound of pleasure from him.

You would never tell him so, but you were pretty sure that sound extended your orgasm a little longer than it would have lasted otherwise. 

When both of you were finally slack in the aftermath of your pleasure, Carrillo withdrew himself from you and collapsed nearby. You couldn’t help but remember the way he had sought out contact after your last time together, and you searched along the sheets until you found his hand. His fingers intertwined eagerly with yours. 

Carrillo held your hand until he decided to wriggle his way closer, stopping only when you could curl around each other without any space between you.

---

Author's Note - Yet another fic I may continue someday. If I do, you'll find a link at the top of this post. Or, if you prefer AO3, you can find me there under username InkSplots.

Thanks for reading!

[goodnitedrdead]

god only knows

Horacio Carrillo x reader

Summary: who would've thought his ex-wife would ask God to send Horacio an angel? To fill the space she couldn't fill, and to do what Horacio wouldn't even do for himself.

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: Divorce. Horacio being head over heels for reader. Fluff. Love. All that fun stuff.

Author's Note: quick little something I wrote before bed because I rly miss my favorite soldier and because I needed a break from school. Might make sense, might not. I did state that one of my new years resolutions was to write at least one piece of writing for each month so I am doing this before the month ends. Mistakes and errors are all my own, I didn't have time to check it. Let me know what you think :3

Composed. Collected. Calm. That’s what made Horacio an excellent soldier and an even better Colonel. Ever since his training days at the academy, he was an exemplary student. A promising star who was meant to be a leader. 

And a leader he became.

He’d set the tempo, and everyone else would follow the rhythm of his steps. His family talked wonders of the honorable man he became, to anyone who would listen. It was no surprise that the women were fawning over him, and much to his family’s constant pestering of finding the perfect wife, he found Juliana. 

Together, they found a mutual and tranquil love. Maybe the kind that develops over time, but certainly not one to last forever. 

If Horacio were to match Juliana to an animal, he’d say she was a doe. Skittish, gentle, docile. She was a good wife to him and always fulfilled her duties. She’d have three meals a day ready for the family. She’d stay home and focus on the children. She’d be devoted to her husband forever. 

Just as tradition states.

Horacio was to fulfill his duties as a husband too. He’d go to work, dedicate most of his time to it not only because he wanted the best for his country, but he wanted a safe place for his children to grow. He’d come back home and sometimes have dinner with his family. He’d be devoted to his wife forever.

Just as tradition states.

Tradition didn’t talk about divorce. Tradition didn’t talk about intruders and third parties shaking the very core of an honorable man’s beliefs.

Tradition never changes.

Tradition was broken when Julianna eventually got tired of Horacio’s lifestyle. It was broken when fear crept into their home, and found a host to latch on to. Fear was deeply rooted in Julianna’s heart from one minute to the next; fearing that every day that passed would be their last with Escobar on the run.

She went against her duties and beliefs and did what she saw fit. Bags packed, a new home far from Medellin, and divorce papers were her top three priorities for a few weeks. Eventually, she did the first two, but she couldn’t bring herself to give the papers to Horacio herself. She prayed, day and night, for guidance on what she should do but at the end of the day, her and her children’s safety were her number one priority. Horacio would be able to fend for himself. 

That never stopped her from reciting a quick prayer for him every night before bed. As she found herself far away from Medellin and Horacio, she’d pray for the safety of her ex-husband. After all, she still had a fondness for him and he was the father of her children. She shared many years and a home with him, it was someone she couldn’t just forget about overnight. 

She prayed to God to send Archangel Michael and his soldiers to watch over and protect Horacio from harm. Whether it may be from self-harm or others, she prayed for his safety. Send him your fiercest angel, the most courageous and brave one to keep him from harm’s way.

Horacio never knew this, for if he had he would’ve thanked Juliana for her wishes and prayers. Because if it wouldn’t have been for her, he wouldn’t have found you. 

You came into his life like a goddamn lightning bolt. He’d feel you in the air, the startling feeling jolting him as soon as you’d walk into the room. Unapologetically yourself and nothing else. You’d make a friend of anyone that crossed your path, but he’d also seen the rage within you. If there was someone he’d fear, it would be you. 

You were quick on your feet, and somehow quicker with your gun. He wasn’t sure why the DEA didn’t make you a sniper, but you were awfully good at your job. And yet, you were unapologetically gentle. You wouldn’t think twice about taking a bullet for him, and it made him laugh at times. A woman of your stature stepping in front of him, to protect him from harm’s way. A woman who was breaking tradition day by day and night by night. You weren’t quite like anything he’s ever seen before, and he loved that about you.

He loved how, despite igniting fear into even his soldiers’ minds and hearts, you wouldn’t budge. He could yell and scream and bark orders at you and you’d remain with the most serene energy he’s ever seen. Your eyes fixed on him, the storm brewing within you. Horacio wasn’t scared of many things, but he was scared of you.

How is it that you, someone so tender yet menacing, could have that balance within? He was scared of the way you would keep your innocence despite the amount of deaths and blood you’ve seen this city shed at the hands of Pablo Escobar. The way a smile would come so easy to you. The way a laugh was so easy to coax out of you. He was absolutely enamored by your very being.

Something he had never truly quite felt.

The time came when he lost everything he ever thought he was. Horacio started to lose his composure. He’d start to notice the way his heart would threaten to jump out at the sight of you. The way his pulse would quicken by just being by your side. The way his mind would seem to forget about every word to ever exist when you were speaking to him.

He started to notice how clumsy he would unwillingly become. How he’d stumble over his words when you were in the room. How his hands would betray him and drop the items they were carrying, because it would somehow elicit a giggle out of you. How he’d blush whenever you focused on him, as if he was the only person in the world that mattered.

Tradition was never supposed to change, right?

Yet you continued to prove that you didn’t care what tradition said. You approached Horacio first. You asked him out first. You kissed him first. You weren’t worried about what anyone else would think. You didn’t even care about what Horacio would think. 

It’s not like he never wanted to start anything, he was just too busy being consumed by your presence. You had a light within you that was blinding, but all Horacio wanted to do was look at you even if that meant he’d lose his senses for the rest of his life. 

It was only when you became a couple that he realized you were the protector. No matter how much he tried, you were always one step ahead of him. Ready to attack at the slightest moment anyone got too close to him. Ready to give your life up for him. 

Ready to fill his life with the most pure and sincere love he’d ever felt. 

It was as if God himself picked you to be placed on his path. 

[bullet-prooflove]

"Can't we try again?"

(you can choose a happy ending or not, and if you want it to be Duarte or Carrillo) 😅❤️

It’s been months since Horacio last laid eyes on you, not since the night you’d walked out of his apartment, slamming the door so hard his bookshelves had practically vibrated off the wall. It’s his fault, he’d instigated the argument. He’d been angry, exhausted, vengeful. Escobar had slipped through his fingers by a hair’s breadth and that rage, it simmered inside him, festering until he could think about was Pablo’s smiling face as he’d spat down the phone.

“Until next time Colonel.”

The things he’d said to you that night, each one was designed to cut you, to rip you apart, tear you to pieces. It had worked too because you’d disappeared after that.

Reassigned to a different taskforce, Pena had told him.

Her choice? He had asked and the other man shrugged his shoulders.

Now you’re back.

For a moment it’s like old times, you’re sitting at the same desk, scrawling down notes. As usual you’re the last one out, Murphy’s gone home to his wife and Pena…

He doesn’t want to think about who or what Pena is doing.

He glances up at you again, toying with the pen between his fingers. He can’t stand this No Man’s Land the two of you are in.

You don’t look up when he leaves his office, not even when he sits down in the chair alongside of your desk. You just continue scribbling in that yellow legal pad of yours, the pen etching the ink into the paper.

“Mi querida…” He says quietly, and you pause for a second, your shoulders stiffening.

He says it again and you set down your pen, tilting your head up to look at him.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore.” You inform him.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, his hand coming to rest upon yours. “I didn’t mean the things I said…”

“I don’t believe you.” You say, but you don’t pull away instead you lean forward, your face inches from his.

For a second he thinks you’re going to kiss him but then he recognises the look in your eyes, the darkness in them. Something happened to you while you were away, something bad and it killed that light, the one that used to burn so fucking bright.

“Do you see it?” You ask him, grasping his chin, forcing him to maintain eye contact. “Do you see what you did to me?”

The anguish it courses through his body, violent and devastating like the sea in the midst of a storm. Someone hurt you, someone did something so fucking heinous that it broke something inside of you and Horacio wants to kill them. He wants to wrap his hands around their throat and choke the life right out of them, he wants to feel their last breath as their eyes bulge and their lips turn purple.

“I hate you Horacio.” You tell him, your voice breaking as you look into his eyes. “I fucking hate you.”

[the-hinky-panda]

Off Grid: Part I (Horacio Carrillo x Reader)

Title: Off Gride

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Horcaio Carrillo x Fem!Reader

Summary: Horacio survives the ambush and is sent to a CIA safe house to recover. You, a homesteader and survivalist, are his handler until he's healed. But when you both realize that you're just property, you start planning on how to slip out of your government cage and start your own lives.

“Loneliness is a mirror, and recognizes itself.” - Jodi Picoult

You’re nine and running through the bayous of Beauregaro Island, a slip of land off the coast of Grand Isle, Louisiana. You and your father had been living in an abandoned shack on stilts. No electricity, no running water, no way for people to find you. You had been living off the swamp land for a little over a week when your father caught sight of lights out on the bayou. 

“Kontinye, fi!” her father hisses over his shoulder. 

Keep up, girl. And you try, honest to God, you try. But you haven’t eaten a solid meal in three days and your legs won’t work the way you need them to right now. You’re tired, and sluggish. When your father looks behind him again, you can see the resignation in his eyes. It will be many years after that night before you realize that’s what it was. He picks you up under your armpits and tucks you into a hollowed out tree trunk. 

“Rete.” 

Stay. 

So you do. You stay as the hounds run past the tree, tracking your father’s scent and not yours. The men with shotguns and flashlights pass next. Then comes a terrible silence: no splashing through the water, or hounds howling, or men shouting. It makes the shotgun blast all the more deafening and world changing when it explodes through the quiet. You clamber out of your hiding place and run towards the flashlights now. Your father is the only concern you have now. The flashlights that had been bobbing in the dark, are now focused on a body that is face down in the black bayou water. 

“Papa!” 

Your shout alerts the men to your presence but you don’t care at this point. Your father, your protector, your best friend is gone. You’re alone and you don’t want to be. If these men are going to take your father away from you, then you’re going to go with him. You splash your way past them and reach for your father’s bloodsoaked shirt but just as your fingers brush the soft flannel fabric, someone pulls you back. 

“Easy, Piti,” a deep man’s voice says. 

But grief and fear turn you into a rabid animal, kicking, screaming, scratching. He’s wearing a bulletproof vest so all your blows are glancing and weak. 

“Stechner, what do we do with the kid?” 

You find yourself being handed off to another man with a beard. He recoils from holding you, your filthy clothes, muddy shoes, and bared teeth. Instead, you’re dropped back down into the ankle deep water and the new man grabs ahold of your arm. 

“I’ll deal with her.” 

He starts marching you off, away from your father. “You killed my papa! And now you’re going to leave him there? The gators-” 

“That’s the idea, sweetheart. Right-wing militia man gets turned around the swamp and eaten by an alligator. Daughter rescued after surviving days on her own in the bayou. How’s that sound?” 

You stare up at him, every fiber in your being filled with hate. “Like bullshit.” 

“Oooh, got a mouth on you.” He gives a short nod. “I may be able to work with that, kid.” 

Exhaustion quickly overtakes you as you struggle to keep up with long strides. You focus instead on the rhythmic footfalls in the squelching mud. Anything but the uncertainty and loss that has made a hole so large in your heart, you’re going to have it for the rest of your life. 

Thunk. 

Thunk. 

Thunk. 

***

Thunk. 

Your eyes open and you’re staring at the rough hewn beams of the small cabin in Vermont. 

Thunk.

You had fallen asleep on the couch reading Jane Eyre. 

Thunk. 

Sitting up, you look around the small living space for the noise that’s roused you from your nap. You’ve had a house guest for the last month but now that he's moving around, new noises have invaded your small homestead and you’re trying to learn what all the new noises mean. 

Thunk. 

You finally recognize the sound you’re hearing and it launches you off the couch. You shove your feet into the rubber boots that had been left by the door and notice your charge’s boots are missing. “No, no, no…” 

You take off down the handful of stairs off the front porch and jog out to the woodpile. The woodpile that has grown quite a bit since yesterday. How long has he been out here? You see him, white t-shirt soaked with sweat as he raises the ax to split another log. Seeing the bulge of his biceps as he prepares to bring the ax down belies the fact that out of the month of his stay here, three of those weeks had been bedbound. 

“Colonel Carrillo!” 

He brings the ax down with one forceful blow before leaving the blade stuck in the old tree stump and facing you. “¿Si, Enfermera?” 

Nurse. That’s been his nickname for her since his arrival. He doesn’t realize you’re his handler, protector. Nursing him back to health after a cartel ambush in Medellín is only a small part of your job with him. “You’re not cleared for-”

He scoffs and wipes the sweat off his forehead with his shoulder. “It’s cold at night here.” 

You step in front of him and grab the ax handle. “I’m sorry it’s not as balmy as it is in Medellín, but you should not be out here doing this.” 

He shrugs, a smirk crossing his features. “I seem just fine.” 

Yeah, that’s the current problem you’ve been having. He’s twice your age, just back from death’s door, and the handsomest man the CIA have ever dropped on your doorstep to shelter. And there have been quite a few over the last ten years. None of them have caused you to second guess your life and goals. You’ve been loaner since the night your father was shot down by a joint task force of the ATF and CIA. But this man, the one standing in front of you in a shirt clinging to him like it’s two sizes too small, arrogant and handsome, he’s causing you to wonder if maybe there’s more to life than being the US government’s half-way house. 

“Seeming and being are two different things.” You yank the ax out of the tree stump with a sharp jerk. “My boss is going to have my ass if you suffer a setback now.” 

“Are you trying to get me out as soon as possible, Enfermera?” 

“The sooner, the better, Colonel.”  

Especially for you. 

[drabbles-mc]

Lost Time

Horacio Carrillo x F!Reader

For Day 25 of @narcosfandomdiscord's July Smut Alphabet: yearning

Warnings: 18+, smut, language, light angst

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: Horacio Carrillo and his messy relationships, my beloveds 😌

Narcos Taglist: @thesandbeneathmytoes @garbinge @winchestershiresauce @sizzlingcloudmentality @panagiasikelia @616wilsons @hauntedforsst @mirabee @buckybarneshairpullingkink @boomclapxox @nessamc @supersanelyromantic @padbrookcottage @mysun-n-stars @raincoffeeandfandoms @justreblogginfics @ashlingnarcos @proceduralpassion @artemiseamoon @hausofmamadas @narcolini @cositapreciosa (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

You’d lost track of the last time the two of you had spoken. The last phone call between you felt like it had happened lifetimes ago. The last face-to-face conversation? Even longer than that. You both had the feeling that it was coming. Inevitable was too strong of a word, but it was much more than probable.

It would only be so long before he really started holding it against you. You knew that was coming, too. No one got to leave him and let it be a clean break. There always had to be a little bit of a mess. He was practically hardwired for it.

Which was why you didn’t know how shocked you really were when you walked through the airport and saw him standing there waiting for you.

“Horacio?” you said, adjusting the bag on your shoulder.

“I heard you were coming home,” he said, his tone painfully neutral. “I wanted to see it for myself.”

His tone was controlled but you could see it in his eyes that there was more he wanted to say. There was more that he wanted to get into. He wouldn’t do that here, though, not in front of so many people. The look in his eyes almost made you want to remind him that Colombia might’ve been home for him, but it wasn’t home for you. Especially not once he stopped calling.

“Well,” you shrugged, “here I am.”

Your assumption was that the person getting you from the airport was going to be Steve or Javi. Someone from your team. Someone that you figured might still actually want to see you. It crossed your mind that maybe Carrillo had missed you more than his lack of letters and phone calls led you to believe. That, or he just wanted to give you a bit of a hard time and a cold shoulder about the whole ordeal. One of those felt a little more likely than the other.

He at least helped you with your bags. You had the backpack on your shoulders, pulling one rolling suitcase with you while he had the other. It was amazing to you that you’d learned to parse your life down to three bags. If someone had told you five years ago that you’d be able to do that, and that you wouldn’t feel like you were missing parts of yourself in doing so, you would’ve told them that they were insane.

He loaded everything into the back of the CNP vehicle. You made your way to the passenger seat. Just as you were going to buckle yourself in, Carrillo pulled the driver’s door open. And, just for a moment, it felt like you’d never left. There was that strange air of routine to it all. The problem was that everything else about the two of you felt different, strained in a way it never used to be.

“I was just going to head home,” you said as he put the key in the ignition, “unless they really need me there today.”

He gave a slight shake of his head. “Tomorrow is fine.”

“Alright.”

“Same building, right?”

You nodded, watching as his hand maneuvered the gear-shift and put the car in drive. “Yea. Same building. Couple floors up from where I was before.” You paused, trying to cut through whatever weird lingering tension was still in the air between you. “Peña and Murphy will have to put in a little work now if they wanna come up and see me.”

You were ready for him to make a comment about that. Some remark about how you’d still have your same place, the little shoebox of an apartment that had a balcony with a view that made up for all the rest of it, if you just hadn’t up and left. You could see the comments practically dancing on the tip of his tongue. There was a slight shift in his jaw as he bit them back, and you almost wished that he’d let them fly. Him being angry with you would make the previous weeks and weeks of silence a little more understandable. Maybe even palatable.

Whatever snide remarks he’d come up with, he stored away for another time. Anger that he would take out on someone else at a later date, you were sure. His grip on the steering wheel tightened as he forced out a simple, “Okay.”

When he pulled into the parking lot of your apartment building, you were ready for him to help you get your bags out, and then just leave the rest of it to you. It wasn’t as though you expected him to come up and help you unpack. Part of you was still surprised that he’d been the one to come and get you. You couldn’t tell what his angle was. You’d seen enough of his anger to know what that was like, and this wasn’t it. But it didn’t feel the same way that it used to between you either.

“I can get it from here,” you told him when he set your bags on the ground.

He shook his head. “I’ll help.”

“Horacio—”

“It’s fine.”

Of all the arguments that the two of you were practically destined to get into in the coming weeks, you weren’t going to let this be one of them. Grabbing one suitcase, you left the other for him. “Thank you.”

Slipping the key into the lock on the door, you let yourself in. You walked in first, Carrillo following close behind. You looked around the apartment as you stepped into it. It was nice enough, the way that most of the housing agents were put up in tended to be. It wasn’t luxury, but it was comfortable. That was really all you needed. You’d only be there to sleep anyway, and it wasn’t as though any of you did enough of that.

“I’d offer you a drink or something,” you told him, chuckling quietly as you dropped your backpack to the floor, “but I’m pretty sure I’ve got nothing to offer.”

“It’s alright.”

The two of you stood there in the space between your new living room and kitchen, the one patch of apartment that had nothing furnishing it. You waited for him to leave, or say something. It still felt like you were waiting for the other shoe to drop. You watched him as he looked around, like your government-furnished apartment was suddenly the most interesting thing he’d ever seen before.

“I didn’t think that you’d be the one to come get me,” you told him honestly, cutting through the silence since he clearly had no intention to.

“Why not?”

You laughed, more out of shock than amusement. Carrillo was many things, but he wasn’t stupid. Stubborn, yes, but not stupid. There was no way that he didn’t understand what you meant, why you said it. “You didn’t even want to make a phone call, Horacio.” You shook your head. “Going out of your way to play chauffer didn’t seem like it was going to be in the cards.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to.” His response was quick, his words quiet. You were expecting an edge to his voice but found none.

“No?” you asked, still not believing him.

“I didn’t think that you were ever coming back. So,” he looked down at the floor, shaking his head, “what was the point?”

“The point?” You stepped in closer to him. “I care about you. That was the point. I figured you cared about me too. Maybe that could’ve been the point.”

“Of course I cared.” He caught himself. “Care.”

You frowned. “Cutting me out without telling me why was a weird way to show that.”

“I couldn’t keep listening to you knowing that I wasn’t ever going to see you again. Talking to you, hearing about your day,” he shook his head, “when I wasn’t part—”

“You were part of it, though,” you countered, practically chest-to-chest with him now. “That’s why I spent so much time fucking calling you, writing you. That was you being part of my day. Me being part of yours.” Tears began to sting at the edges of your eyes, emotions you hadn’t had the time to feel in months bubbling back to the surface. “Then you gave it up.”

“You left first,” he argued, but his voice was still quiet.

“But you stopped trying first.”

He wanted to tell you the truth. He wanted to be able to say it all, but words had never been his strong suit. He wanted to tell you that every night he’d get off the phone and for as much as he loved hearing your voice on the other end of the line, it felt like someone dropped a weight on his chest each time he put the phone back down on the receiver. For as much as he loved reading every letter from you, studying all the intricacies of your handwriting, having to see a return address that was so far from where he was stung. He wasn’t enough to make you stay, and the ache of missing you was one type of pain he didn’t know how to stomach.

There was only a shred of distance left between the two of you, but you erased it anyway. Resting your hand on his shoulder, you squeezed lightly. “I missed you.”

His eyes went to your hand, traveling up your arm until they finally reached your face. “I missed you too.” He took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax slightly as he leaned in and let his forehead rest against yours. “It’s why I stopped picking up.”

Your eyes shut, and you could feel the tears that were clinging to your eyelashes. “You should’ve said that.”

He couldn’t go back and fix what had already happened, change the things that he did or didn’t say. But he could tell you now, at least. “I stopped because it hurt, because you weren’t coming back. It felt foolish, like I was holding out hope for something that wasn’t going to—”

“But it did,” you said, cutting him off. “And we could’ve had all that time.”

It was an argument that the two of you easily could’ve kept taking in circles. He could keep saying you kicked it all off by leaving, and you could keep saying that he put the final nail in the coffin because he stopped answering your calls. You were both right, and it wasn’t getting either of you anywhere.

“And now?” he asked.

You brought your hand from his shoulder to the side of his face, thumb grazing along his cheek. “I still miss you.”

He felt the way your thumb stopped moving, the way the tips of your fingers pressed into his skin just slightly. You were almost pulling him towards you, but you stopped yourself. Like you heard the words but were still deciding what they meant, how much weight was really behind them. So instead of saying anything more, Carrillo decided that he would just show you instead.

Lifting his chin, he moved just enough to bring his lips to yours. A gesture that was supposed to be soft, a gentle punctuation to prove that he meant what he’d said to you. But the moment that he felt the soft warmth of your lips against his, all of that went out the window. The second he could feel the quick breath that you sucked in when you realized what was happening, all he could do was desperately try to pour himself into you.

His arms snaked around you, pulling himself tight to you. His lips slotted against yours, desperate and bruising. Desperate to put all those nights filled with longing and missing you into something that would actually do one of you some sort of good. He didn’t know who was getting more out of it at that point. He didn’t really care.

He was everything you remembered, all hunger and need, traces of cigarette smoke still lingering on his tongue. A filthy habit you had been on him to quit but in that moment it tasted like coming home. Your fingers curled into the stiff material of his fatigues, needing to find purchase in something to make sure it was all real, that it wasn’t just part of a cruel trick he was playing.

He stopped kissing you for a moment, but his lips were still brushing against yours as he spoke. “I missed you,” he repeated.

In all the late night and early morning calls, the letters that went back and forth, he never really said it like that. Not so concisely, so directly. Like saying it as such would’ve given it too much power, made the distance between you and the yearning that filled it a little too real and too heavy. But now you were in front of him. You were here and he was kissing you, holding you. And he could say it. It was safe to say it now because he already had you back.

You were going to tell him the same, let him know that he wasn’t alone in all of this. He never had been. But he didn’t give you the chance. His lips crashed against yours once more, none of the calculated finesse that was such a staple with the Colonel in any other capacity. It nearly knocked the wind out of you, made your knees buckle, but it didn’t matter because he was holding you tightly enough to keep you from crumbling anyway.

Suddenly he had you falling back onto the sofa. He moved you through the apartment with the ease of someone who had been spending time there with you for weeks already. You didn’t fight him on it, letting your back hit the cushions, his body pinning to yours as he followed you down. You were pulling at his shirt, untucking it from the pants of his fatigues. His hands were already working at your button and zipper, each of you trying to peel the layers off each other as quickly and as clumsily as possible.

It'd gone differently in his head, all the nights when his mind wandered and conjured up what it would be like if he got to see you again, have you again like he used to. It was never quite like this when he pictured it. He’d given himself too much credit, thinking that he would be able to hold back at all, control himself. He couldn’t. From the second he felt the warmth of your skin against his, the tickle of your breath against his jaw, there was no moderation to be found.

Next time, he thought to himself as he yanked your jeans down your legs, next time he would drag it out. He’d take his time with you. But this had all been dragged out long enough. He wouldn’t have even taken the time to bother with his shirt if you hadn’t started with it first, but that was one thing he could easily do for you. He didn’t have it in him to take his time, but he could at least give you that. It hit the floor right before the rest of his clothes.

The groan that he let out as he pushed into you set every inch of you on fire. Your nails dug into his back, raking along skin that you hadn’t been able to touch in far too long. His lips moved away from yours, pressing a kiss to the side of your neck right before his teeth sank into it. Your body drew itself to his, wanting every bit of contact you could get.

He settled inside you for a moment, hips pressed tightly to yours. For a moment all of your thoughts about Colombia not being home couldn’t have felt further from the truth. You were fighting to catch your breath and the two of you had hardly gotten started. Your eyes fluttered shut, focused on how he felt against you, hips against yours, his face in the crook of your neck. You tried to pull him tighter to you, unsure if it was even possible to do so.

The second he started to move his hips, all you had it in you to do was let his name tumble from your lips. You could feel what it did to him, the way his movements became a little more desperate. Every thrust, each press of his lips to your skin, all just trying to pull that sound from you over and over again. Trying to make up for lost nights, all the times when he wanted to hear that same breathless tone from you but couldn’t, wanted to feel the warmth of you against him but you weren’t there. It was a lot to ask when you’d only been back in Colombia for a couple of hours, but it wouldn’t be the first time the Colonel was being unfair. You didn’t mind it this time, though, as his hands slid up your thighs, moving your legs so he could push deeper into you. His lips dragged along your jaw and all the thoughts, the memories, the weight of the last few months, all of it disappeared. It was just the two of you again, finally, for however long it lasted this time.

[velvetmel0n]

I Slithered Here From Eden; Prologue

Summary: The Embassy’s newest intern has a run in with everyone’s favorite Colonel

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: I haven’t written in like two years so enter at your own risk, idk man age gap??? Reader has graduated college and is like midish twenties, neither party wants to pine but oh well, the university girl and the colonel tag is becoming a fic

A/N: Consider this like a teaser trailer for the feature length fic coming soon to a screen near you......I’m putting my clown wig on as we speak

@vladviago @alexxavicry @nessamc @hallothankmas @mamacitapascal @morguleth @venusandromedadjarin @watsonwise @mserynlarsen @brihhhhhh @millllenniawrites @bookshelvesandteacups @littleferal @feelmyroarrrr @maybege @wretchedwisteria @oldstuffnewstuff @miss-me-jack @plexflexico @writefightandflightclub  @visintaes @mapache-lector @goldafterglow @hansoulo @mylifeliterally @adverbedly @spoopyredacted @pikemoreno @perropascal @shadow-assassin-blix @veracruz-miller @flightlessangelwings @themarcusmoreno​

You’re too focused on the files in front of you to notice his entrance, mind too full of manila folders and grainy photographs, trying to divine an organizational system that makes sense to more than just you from redacted words and red ink. Trying to make sense of how things work in this place where the green of the jungle and the humidity are each living, breathing things— so unlike the sleepy college town you’d been imported from, courtesy of the Embassy. Professional internship, they had called it. Your reward for all the sleepless nights over the years, studying into the small hours of the morning to graduate well within the top of your class, several minors and certificates tacked along behind your actual major because you wanted to be good. Wanted to save the world, wanted to weasel your way into international politics and diplomacy and communications because you thought that changing it from within, from the room where it happened, would be the best strategy. 

And you still do, but sometimes you wish saving the world came with better coffee. You don’t bother hiding the grimace as you gulp it down, too bitter and burnt for the cheap, breakroom creamer in the little plastic cups to really touch it but it’s still your second cup of the day and beggars can’t be choosers. In the short weeks since your arrival you had gotten used to the acrid taste, the way it liked to stick to your teeth. It seems to underscore your work in times like these, when it’s barely ten o’clock in the morning and you’re already frustrated, ran fifteen minutes late because you thought you could walk to the Embassy this morning, wanted to enjoy the sights and sounds of the city waking from its fitful sleep. You made three wrong turns before you’d admitted defeat and caught a taxi. 

But you had made it and you’re here now, engrossed in your work, lost to the outside world until a voice sounds from right in front of you, cutting through the din of the office because he’s actually addressing you in a voice you’ve never heard before. You can’t help the way you jump, heart tripping over itself and one of the papers in your hand slicing across the pad of your thumb, right down the middle.

“Colonel Carrillo,” Because you know who he is, had been given a run down on all the important players when your plane had landed so you’d be able to hit the ground running, wouldn’t have to wait for formal introductions that may never come. He looks the same as he did in the photo you were shown, right down to the uniform he’s wearing, but you’re seeing him in the flesh now, can see the true breadth of his shoulders and the way he seems to fill the whole room up. Can see the way the coworkers who’ve noticed keep sneaking glances from the corner of their eye, like they want to look but don’t want the full weight of his attention on them. 

Because it is a weight, thick and heavy and warm as it settles on your eyes, your skin. 

“What can I do for you?” You can feel heat rising up the back of your neck but you rally, proud when there’s no quaver in your voice despite the way you almost jumped out of your skin. This is what you do, after all. Your job. You did not come here just to shake like a leaf at the sight of Escobar’s own personal boogie man, the man you’ve been hearing stories about since you arrived. Mean, they say. Brutal. And you have half a mind to believe them, of course, because this is Colonel Horacio Carrillo. The one person in charge of the Search Bloc, the man leading the war on the ground.  

But his voice is soft as he speaks to you, so at odds with the harsh lines of his face, the set of his jaw. “Get these to Peña and Murphy,” No please, no thank you as he hands the small stack of files over, just the silent expectation that his orders will be fulfilled. 

His fingers are warm and rough as you take the files from him, skin brushing skin and for some reason that small touch, that one small feel of him, makes your breath catch and something dangerous prickle across your skin. You try not to think about it the same way you’re trying not to think about the blood that’s surely blooming on your thumb, the little ache that’s underscoring everything that’s happening, the throb underneath the skin. The same way you’re trying not to think about the heat that’s begun pooling low in your belly, the way the hair on the back of your neck is standing up because he hasn’t looked away from you once. Not once, and the realization makes it a little harder to breathe.

“I’ll make sure they get them,” You hope your smile is easy, if a little bland. Hope he can’t read anything else in the curve of your lips because the last thing you need is him. Older and meaner than you have any right to want. Dark in a way you can’t quite fathom yet, the kind of dark that justifies the means to an end everyone in this building wants to see. An end you want to see. 

He nods once, a simple dip of his chin and what might have been a murmured ‘thank you,’ and you don’t look at his shoulders as he walks away. You don’t look at how he moves, how people get out of his way long before he reaches them. He’s something quiet and seething and it shouldn’t make your mouth water, the latent power that you already know lies just beneath his skin. It shouldn’t make something low in your belly quiver, almost in time with the throbbing of your thumb. 

You swipe the blood way with your tongue, sucking on the cut until it stops its slow drip, taking care not to get any on the paperwork spread around you. It tastes like pennies and the coffee that had spilled over the rim of your cup when you’d walked back to your desk. It tastes like Carrillo’s name. 

You don’t see him for the rest of the week but you can’t keep him out of your head, his voice haunting you when it’s late at night and the air is warm and heavy, when the shadows can keep your secrets. You blame it on the fact that you’d never met someone like him before, never seen someone like him before— so big and solid with that scowl on his face.

 You don’t want to know what it says about you that he’s the one that you can’t stop thinking about, not Peña or even Murphy, or any of the other men at the Embassy you see on a semi-regular basis. You don’t want to know what it says about you that instead of wanting one of them, a good portion nice-enough-seeming and closer to your age bracket, you want the Colonel. 

You don’t know that he’s thinking about you either, so bright and soft he didn’t know what he was looking at, at first. You kept your word though, getting the files to Peña and Murphy as soon as you could, and he tells himself that's why he comes back to you when he needs something else. Why he keeps coming back until he learns your name, until you smile when you see him and start asking how his day is going. 

[mariamariquinha]

Hi!

I wasn't sure if you were taking requests but I thought I would pop one into your ask box anyway!

I hope she's wilder than your wildest dreams

Hey, sweetie! How's it going? Thank u so much for your request!

Before anything, I may add: yes, my blog are always open for requests. I'll take my time to answer them, like this one, but I will! You all can send me anytime! ❤

NOW...

-------------------------

She (Colonel Carrillo x f!reader)

(may I add this gif? I love it.)

Summary: He didn't expect you to show up.

Word count: 1.08k

Warnings: Hints of smut, drinking, small glimpse of violence and Horacio per se. He needs his own warning ALWAYS.

Author’s Note: I hope this is what you expected, honey! Thank u again for the request!

And yes.

Carrillo would be a great sub. And he would like it.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

From a very young age, Carrillo was precocious, too mature for his age at the time. As a kid, he had the ideas of a teenager; as a teenager, the ideas of a man. On all these occasions, everything felt more like a projection of what he would be like as an adult, which left him very lost and uncertain of what it all really meant.

Maybe it was because his father had left too soon, forcing little Horacio to do something that before was just a grunt teaching after he fell off his bike or not fighting back the teasing of the older boys at school. Be a man. Be tough.

This led him to look for things that came to define him as a person over the years, all linked to the simple and concise term of stability. In the Army, he was the most organized, obedient, and focused soldier. The best at everything he set out to do, the kind who liked to learn by himself but wouldn't pass up learning from someone who knew more, just for the chance to have more to be good at, trying at all costs to please a father who, if he had been proud of his son earlier, wouldn’t have left.

Horacio became Colonel Carrillo - collected, reserved and who asserted his pomp among his men. A gray zone of leadership that, under no circumstances, was seen as mixed up in the work itself as he was at that moment.

And besides, he didn't expect you to show up.

Among so much confusion, fear and apprehension brought by Escobar, it was common for people to have similar expressions, identical conversations, pessimistic future projections - a constant crossfire that almost always collapsed.

You lived outside of it all, he noticed. Despite what surrounded the news and any corner of Medellín, Horacio only had to lay eyes on you once to know that there was a unique exception. He found out, later, that you had been in Colombia for two years. You helped with extracurricular art classes at some schools on the outskirts and far from civilization, but at night you served drinks and beers to far less pleasant people. Your Spanish was close to impeccable and judging by the way you prostrated yourself at night work, there was more to the story than he would have guessed for you.

Neither you nor he spoke when you first bumped into each other. It had been a rough night for Carrillo and you were certainly busy behind that counter. You didn't serve him. This lack of contact lasted for three or four visits. On the fifth one, he got to know your true nature and only then did you talk.

A guy wanted to go after a colleague of yours, something like that. He reached to grab her by the waist, but not in time to see you arriving like a fulminating machine of anger and protection, using the mastery of your Spanish to tell him to go away. The guy raged, didn't listen to you, and when you saw that no one intervened to help you, the act came alone. A very strong, firm and accurate punch in the middle of his nose. Only one.

Like a warrior goddess. Like a savage with strong hands and a fixed look on your face, without hiding your emotions or fears to make your intentions clear. He followed you with his gaze until you returned to your post at the bar, which you noticed. The two of you looked at each other, that spark ignited, but Horacio was initially quiet as you walked over and placed both hands on your hips.

“Another one?”

He noticed his beer was finished. The only remnant left of the drink was warm, undrinkable.

“Sure.”

And you put another beer in front of him, cold and sweating with the condensation of the hot environment, but you didn't let go right away, surely hoping that Carrillo would stop with the falsely respectful posture of looking away from your breasts, squeezed by the discreet but firm material of the blouse you wore.

He decided to be more discreet, restrained - your right hand was red, right at the knuckles, and he knew it was from the punch you'd just landed on the patron.

“Are you okay?” It took a while for you to catch what he asked, and when it happened, you wiggled your fingers on the counter and looked at them for a moment.

“You should see the other guy.”

“Oh, I did. Where did you learn that?”

“I know someone,” You shrugged, measured his face in silence, then nodded to the beer. “It’ll get warm, Colonel. Better enjoy it now.”

It was unfair, he thought, to see that you knew who he was but it wasn't reciprocated. Horacio started going almost every week and the two of you talked more - never about what was going on, never about bad things, never about who he was or what he did. It didn't take long for Horacio to realize, little by little, that you were some kind of free figure, complete in your mission to be what you were in every way, which might have made him jealous, but just turned him on.

The first night was intense, particularly aggressive even. You took the attitude of kissing him first, of taking him to bed first, and he was left with the function of being dominated by whatever you were. You asked for more, you took more from him, you pushed him to his limits, and with each encounter he began to realize that you were on the same page, using that connection of two worlds so different for a unique, carnal purpose that didn't seem necessary or relevant until that moment.

He craved the sway of your breasts when he thrust hard, the wiggle of your ass when he took you from behind, or how you moaned unreservedly and disguised when he hit the spot. Craving, almost always, for the scratches you left on his back, the bites on his shoulders and thighs, or your soft mouth as you enveloped his cock with eagerness, determined to make him as mindless in pleasure as he tried to make you.

More than that, Horacio began to long for the moments when you were irritated (which were frequent), angry, raging or putting people in their proper place, as if you came from another place, another reality.

A wild figure, definitely. Wilder than his wildest dreams.

----------------------

Taglist

@cheesybadgers

@thesandbeneathmytoes

@616wilsons

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[mlmxreader]

Alone Together At Last | Horacio Carrillo x gn!reader

Anonymous asked: Yeah, I think my request might‘ve been swallowed.

No worries though!

I requested a Carrillo x gn!reader fic where his sir kink sorta slips out. Reader responds to something he says with a "yes sir" as a joke but he goes just a little bit feral… hehe

Also, a prompt!

"You gonna be good?"

summary: Carrillo doesn’t usually have days off, he rarely takes them, but he’s awfully glad when he finally does and when he’s finally got you all to himself. 

tws: biting, grinding, Sir kink, praise kink 

word count: 1087

MINORS DNI 

Finally, Carrillo had a couple of days off, it wasn’t much but at the very least it was something and it actually gave you a chance to spend some time with him privately; a chance to actually be alone together, to drown in the presence of each other without having to worry about someone walking in, without having to worry about him being pulled away from you after a phone call. A chance to be alone together. A chance to stop missing him so fucking much all the time. You would visit him when he was at the office, but that… that was never enough; it was not enough to sit in some cramped and humid room at opposite ends, hardly being able to know that he was there, never to touch him, never to kiss him unless he was going somewhere, unless he was leaving. But now you didn’t have to worry about that, when you woke up with your head on his shoulder, able to feel the warmth of his flesh on your face as you realised that one hand was on his stomach, able to feel it rise and fall gently as you slowly became more awake; he had one hand on your bicep, keeping you close as the other laid on his stomach, just out of your reach. The warmth of the late morning was starting to creep through the curtains, a golden haze peeking through the gaps in the thick red; the sound of the radio playing quietly on the other end of the bedroom. You couldn’t stop yourself from humming along to ‘Dr. Feelgood’ by Mötley Crüe; you never could resist the likes of them, even going so far as to gently tap his stomach, drumming your fingers on his soft and warm skin. 

Carrillo grumbled, but made no effort to move as he opened his eyes and looked at what you were doing, daring to smile a little when he caught the sound of the song. “Can you stop? Some of us are trying to sleep, tigre.” 

“Yes, Sir,” you laughed quietly, ceasing to drum his skin. He almost missed it. “Sorry.” 

A soft growl escaped him as he made a move to get you beneath him, slowly and lazily pinning you down with his forearms either side of your head as he tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brows. “What did you just call me?”

“Sir,” you breathed out, putting your hands on his chest as you dared to smile, but when he ground against you, you couldn’t help but to whimper quietly. “Fuck…” 

Carrillo didn’t hesitate, pressing his face to your neck and pressing an open mouthed kiss to the skin before he bit down, tugging at it and sucking it into your mouth, the vibrations from the growl that escaped him echoing across the flesh in his mouth. Leaving the marks from his teeth imprinted on you when he pulled away and bucked his hips against you. “Say that again.” 

“Sir,” you could feel it in your stomach and within your bones, a bubbling excitement that made you bury one hand in his short hair, the other at the back of his neck as you desperately tried to keep him close, hoping he would keep biting you. “God, please, Sir… don’t stop.” 

“You gonna be good?” Carrillo asked hoarsely, his voice still groggy and thick with sleep as he dared to lick at where he had bitten you. “Huh?”

“Yes, Sir,” you nodded, so fucking eager and so fucking needy as you rolled your hips against him, desperate for more. Needing and craving more. “I’ll be good for you, Sir.” 

“Good,” he praised softly, sinking his teeth into the next spot, the one right next to your throat that always made you so fucking weak for him. Knowing exactly what he was doing when he moved one hand down between your bodies and rested it on the waistband of your boxers. Your skin was so warm, and the taste of it when he bit and sucked and licked at it was more than intoxicating; if he could have, Carrillo would have spent eternity like that. 

Biting and licking and sucking at your neck, grinding against you and revelling in the way that you called him Sir; he could have stayed like that forever, but when you started begging for his touch, he had to pull away, he had to leave that sweet paradise so that he could look into your eyes, could see the way you were already pleading for him. So well behaved. So good. 

“Behave for me,” Carrillo started, gently running his finger from your temple to your jaw before tenderly taking your chin between his forefinger and thumb, tilting your head back against the soft pillows so he could get a better look at your eyes as he smiled. “Be good for me, and I’ll make sure you’re rewarded… understand, tigre?”

You nodded, which got you rewarded with a soft slap to your waist and a sharp reminder to use your words. “Yes, Sir, I understand. I’ll be good. I’ll behave.” 

“That’s it,” he praised softly, daring to press a kiss to your forehead. “Be good and keep using your words. Keep telling me what you want, what you like - and I’ll make sure you’re rewarded for it.” 

“Yes, Sir,” you swallowed thickly, almost gulping audibly as your breath hitched in your throat for a moment, excitement getting the better of you for just a split second as you kept your eyes on him. Fuck, he could ruin you and the only thing you would do in return was thank him. “Please, Sir, I want you to keep biting me and to keep grinding against me - please. Sir.” 

“You’re so good for me,” Carrillo praised gently as he ground his hips against you, daring to sink his teeth into your neck once more, doing his best not to smile when you shuddered and whimpered out a beg for him to keep going. 

“Please, Sir,” your voice was ragged. “I’ll be good.” 

The morning, as it turned out, was going to be more fun than Carrillo had first expected and had first thought, but he couldn’t wait to see what would happen; sure, it was late in the morning, far later than he usually got up on most days, but he had you all to himself at last. He could finally be alone with you, you could be alone together at last. 

if you liked this fic, REBLOG IT - you SHOULD reblog it; if you don't wanna reblog, then you'll get blocked; reblogging is the BARE MINIMUM. don't just "like", REBLOG

[narcolini]

on better judgement

horacio carrillo x gn!reader, 3940 words, 18+

ex-lovers, angst/comfort, mild smut and power dynamics

a/n: this was my piece for the gorgeous narcos fic exchange on ao3 which i can share now that authors have been revealed!! snogs to all involved <3

narcos taglist: @drabbles-mc @cositapreciosa @ashlingiswriting​ @purplesong1028​ @empireroyals​ @iridescent-sol 

He promised he wouldn’t come by again. And it was your fault, really, because you’d had him like no one else had him: in the dark, in the quiet, talking to the ceiling and the side of your face, like a confessional. Like there was oakwood between you and nothing to say in return of his words. He never wanted forgiveness. You couldn’t give it. But you’d put your ear to that part of him and that was something that was bound to time itself out eventually. A candle down to the wick, he’d run out of space to burn.

‘I can feel myself losing you,’ he said.

And you’d kept quiet, and unwound your hand from his until it lay flat on your stomach. You held his wrist instead.

‘But it’s not worse,’ he admitted. ‘Rather this, than.’ He couldn’t finish the sentence.

‘I won’t save lives,’ you said.

You knew, you’d tried with his, but the work was dug deep in him. If you took him apart you’d find it in the bones and that would be a greater loss, you agree, a man without the structure to hold him up. His decision to end the relationship you had snowballed into, was just a reflection of his training after all. A call made, sweating, from the frontline.

‘This will be the last time,’ he said, with his eyes closed, ‘I won’t come by again.’

You smoothed a thumb over the hair on his forearm. ‘Okay.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Okay.’

He had kept to it at first. The kiss he put to your shoulder, before he dressed and left your bedroom, was the last he’d given you. You rang him once, a few days afterwards—just out of curiosity—and it went through to the machine. That was the last of it. You had believed him when he said so, but discipline needed to be tested. Yours and his.

It was a merciful end, really, a clean snap of bolt-cutters through wire. You’d expect nothing else from him.

                                                            *

‘I need you to do something for me.’

You’re at your desk. Horacio’s stood in front of you, leaning against it with his thumb and forefinger to prop him up, or over you, rather. A broad-shouldered shadow covering your work. You can feel his breath on your face, smell the coffee stagnating it. He hasn’t slept recently. You don’t need to see the set of his eyes to know that.

The sudden presence of him has put a bounce into your knees, work-shoes creasing at the toes. It’s been two months since you—

You sit back, to take stock of what’s left of him, and to straighten your legs into being still. Army greens against the beige of your office. Dusting blinds behind his head, dusting people in the room beyond that. It’s contradiction on a comical level. This is a man who was never supposed to intrude on an office like this, it’s like setting a bear trap in the suburbs. Fruitless.

He’s slimmer, you notice, in the arms. Clean shaven still, but his hair’s grown. Just a couple inches. It’ll bother the tops of his ears soon and then he’ll crop it short again, back into the style he’s used to.

‘Need what, Carrillo?’ You sound sharper than you’d intended to be, but he doesn’t comment on it. He also doesn’t react to the return of formality between you. He’d have used your last name too.

‘This address.’ A square of paper is taken from his chest pocket and put in front of you. ‘I need the building permits, blueprints,’ he pauses, his jaw flexes, ‘irrigation plans if you have them. Anything.’

Everything, he means. He’ll have everything, again.

You sigh. ‘I won’t have the authority for that,’ you tell him. You’re the communicative doorway between town planners and clients, architects and the CEO’s that expect them to work miracles, but you aren’t in charge of anything, by anyones definition. Archived documents aren’t yours to give out, no matter the cause. ‘I can’t.’ You shrug. ‘You’ll have to ask someone else.’

For a moment, he holds your gaze like he’s waiting for you to correct yourself, his brows pulled together just enough to make it feel condescending. It’s an expression his Search Bloc must be well acquainted with. No can’t, no won’t.

‘You will,’ he says, once he accepts that you have nothing more to add. ‘You can. I’m here.’

He’s decided he’s God again. His way and his wrath.

‘Well, we can try,’ you tell him limply, as you scoot your chair back to get at your drawers.‘You act like I’m Medellín’s keeper, you know.’

At that, he stands straight and unsupported, disturbing the stack of files he’d had his hand on. ‘Quicker than using the system,’ he says, unashamedly.

Translation, your time costs less than his, and submitting requests on paper is more tedious than seeing you. Barely. You take the ring of keys from your desk and shut the drawer.

Turns out, he didn’t need to flash his badge, or use whatever power he had intended to exploit, because no-one looked up from their work as you took to the archives. No-one questioned as you let yourself in, soldier in tow, flicked the switch, set a chair, and started pulling boxes from the shelves. You’re almost disappointed by it. It would’ve been nice to have an undeniable reason to turn him away, but instead, you’re left searching through bible-thin fax papers and ageing maps, long past their relevance, like your boss told you to herself. Not Carrillo, not a stray ex-partner.

He isn’t going to help apparently. He’s stood by the door with his arms crossed, watching.

‘Are you paying me for this labour?’ you ask, purposely bitter, and it’s enough to pull him to you, to the growing clutter in the centre. You work in silence from then.

His watch catches on your sleeve twice, his elbows knock yours as you both flick through the documents. He’s taken to wearing a new aftershave, or he is doing this afternoon, at least. It tracks up your nose until it’s sitting on the back of your tongue. Sharp, earthy. Something entirely foreign and frustratingly enticing. You try to ignore it, but every swallow of air drags it further down your throat.

Eventually, you find the building perms and proposed blueprints for the property on the address he'd given, and he frowns down at them for two, three minutes, while you wait. You don’t ask what it’s for, because it’s always for Escobar. You don’t know that you’ve been of any real help, until he looks up again, nodding—no smiles from him today—and asks, ‘Can you make a copy?’

You shouldn’t, but you do.

‘Thank-you.’

‘It’s nothing.’

He returns you to the door of your office, patron to pew, then leaves again. The folded copies stick out of his trouser pocket like a rudder, he still has no problem with being conspicuous.

When your coworker asks if he’s a friend of yours you say no, just someone higher up cashing in a favour. Rather this, after all. Rather strangers, colleagues, than people who tell each other things in the dark.

                                                            *

Two months is shortened to two weeks the next time you hear from him. There’d been stone silence since you’d helped him at work, and now, suddenly, he’s calling your house phone, grumbling into the handset from his own office, you assume.

It’s four in the afternoon, a Saturday. You can hear the dull thud of his glass against the desk, the clink of ice swimming inside of it. You aren’t surprised that they keep the freezer stocked over there. Or that his desk doubles as a liquor cabinet. You are surprised, however, that he’s calling you in the middle of the afternoon, especially after the night he’s had, the failed assault on Escobar’s hideout. He should be at home now, sleeping. He should be planning what comes next. Instead, he’s lamenting it to you, unravelling without prompt.

‘It was good intel,’ he says, reassuring to him, you imagine. It makes no difference to you; you harbour no guilt over your part in it. ‘But they still saw us coming.’

You put the television on mute, leaving the remote on your thigh afterwards. ‘You were closer this time,’ you offer, ‘I mean, the beds were still warm, right? That’s what you said.’

‘Right.’ He takes another sip, hissing it between his teeth. ‘I don’t know where we’re going wrong.’

‘Maybe in facing off with the impossible,’ you suggest, ‘it’s hardly a fair fight.’

‘Okay,’ he corrects, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.’

‘You aren’t doing anything wrong,’ you answer. It comes out easily, because it’s obvious.

He sighs. ‘Not doing anything right, either.’

That actually makes you laugh. In another circumstance, you might feel sorry for him. If he’d said it in a different way, maybe, if he’d pressed it into the palm of your hand. If it wasn’t daytime and the TV wasn’t miming its telenovela back at you. Right now, it sounds ridiculous. Beneath him.

‘You blow a lead and…what? Suddenly you don’t believe in yourself?’ You still sound like you’re laughing at him as you speak. ‘Come on, Horacio. You’ve recovered from worse.’

There’s a pause that feels awkward and purposefully censored. You imagine him gulping on the other end, forcing his words to submit. ‘Yes, I have,’ he says eventually, followed quickly by, ‘Lo siento. I don’t know why I called.’

You stop yourself from scoffing this time, it’s beginning to feel cruel.

‘Because you need a friend,’ you tell him, crossing your ankles over the opposite way. The coffee table your feet are on is almost too far for it to be comfortable, so you slouch further into the couch, until you’re near enough horizontal. You’ll be here a while anyway. ‘I know you think you’re immune to it,’ you continue, ‘but everyone needs them.’  

Another pause. He’s doing it on purpose. ‘I didn’t think we were friends.’

‘What? Why?’ You shake your head. The TV abuela is shaking hers too, but you’re too confused by his confession to really appreciate the coincidence. ‘We never said that.’

‘I don’t know,’ he admits. ‘I just thought.’

‘But I never said that.’

‘I know,’ he snaps, sharp and razored. ‘Forgive me for making some,’ pause, ‘assumptions,’ pause, ‘based on your actions.’

‘My actions?’ You scoff. You know it’s not intentional, him angling his frustration in your direction, but you’re reacting to it nonetheless. You’re allowed to defend yourself, even if he’s had a shitty night and a shitty day to follow. ‘You’re the one who disappeared, Horacio. No calls, or anything, until you needed something from me. Which,’ you lift your finger to no-one, ‘by the way, is fine. I don’t care. But don’t put it all on me.’

He sounds defensive when he replies, added accusation in his voice. ‘You could have called if you wanted to.’

‘I did,’ you stress. ‘You didn’t answer.’

He tuts and says your name once. ‘Come on.’

The line goes quiet and you let it, picking the lint from your shirt. There’s a hole below your navel, worn thin from use. It could be stitched over, but you’ve never been one for mending, you just wear it until it’s socially unacceptable to do so.

‘So, what,’ he says, ‘now we don’t talk?’

‘Now there’s nothing to say,’ you reply. ‘You tried, it didn’t work, so you have to get your shit together and try again.’ You swallow. ‘Or give up. I don’t know.’

You hear him sigh. If you closed your eyes, you might convince yourself that you can feel it too, against your ear and down your cheek.

‘We weren’t talking about that,’ he says.

‘Well, maybe it works for both things, Horacio. Try or give up. You choose.’

                                                            *

Two days since the phone call and there’s a knock against your door—one that would prick anxiety into the walls of your stomach if you didn’t know it so well. It’s late, past ten, and you’re expecting nobody, but that, that, there he goes again, is as subtle as a foghorn. Not because he knocks especially loud, but because he does it the same way every time. Like he practises it routinely. It could only ever be him, at any hour, with that.

‘Coming,’ you answer, loud enough to carry through the wood. If he goes again, he might wake Sra. García, and you’ve had enough complaints from her to fill your yearly quota. You share one wall, but to her it’s no thicker than a drawn shower-curtain.

When you get there, door open and pinned so with your hip, Horacio is leaning against the railings of the balcony, his back to you.

You’ve never wished more for a private garden. A driveway. Anything. The second-story walkway that wraps around your building, stretching from the stairs to your door and beyond, is hardly a private enough space for whatever this is.

His head drops between his shoulders; you set your eyes on the valley of them.

‘You’re meant to run away,’ you say, ‘you know, after you knock. That’s the joke.’

He pushes out a breath that you see more than hear, back rising and falling with it, before straightening and turning to face you. And, God, he looks bad. Worse than you’ve ever seen him.

‘Fuck, Horacio.’ You can’t stop it falling from your mouth. ‘This is really getting to you that much?’

Limply, he shows you his palms, keeping them by his sides still. It’s a vague gesture. An implied shrug. ‘I haven’t slept,’ he says.

It’s hard to believe he’s even tried.

‘I can tell.’ You don’t want to leave it long enough to feel condescending, so you chase it with, ‘I’ll make you a drink,’ and a weak smile. You’d offer him coffee, but he’s probably more caffeine than blood right now. ‘Come in.’

Whatever was causing him to linger by the railings is overridden by the learned instinct to follow orders, and he trails into the apartment after you without complaint. Well, you assume he had intended for that to happen anyway, at some point. But you also assume he’d just as equally hoped you’d turn him away. He doesn’t look like a man settled in his decisions.  

‘How many times did you drive by?’ you ask, locking the door behind him.

‘What?’

He’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen already. The ceiling light sits in a ring behind his head.

‘Until you pulled into the lot,’ you explain. ‘How many times?’

‘I don’t know.’ He looks annoyed for a moment, expression readable even with the shadowy backlighting, then he takes a breath that chases it away. Leaves him slack. ‘Twice,’ he admits.

‘I’m flattered.’ You squeeze past him, shoulders brushing, to get into the kitchen. ‘Have you considered sleeping pills?’ you ask, reaching for the cupboard that will act as your artillery: whiskey, rum, tequila. The cognac he’d gotten you for your last birthday. You throw a glance to him before targeting the glasses by the sink. ‘Or were you hoping I’d bore you to sleep with urban planning regulations?’

‘I’m not here for jokes,’ he says, quiet enough to make you pause.

‘Sorry.’ You clear your throat once. ‘Habit.’ You put two glasses out, glad to have your back to him. You couldn’t have apologised to his face. ‘What’s your poison?’

‘Anything.’

You go for the cognac. Maybe he’ll recognise it. ‘Here.’

He’s a step further into the kitchen, still uncommitted, but he takes the drink readily. You watch him lift it to his lips, watch him swallow, sigh, watch his gaze go from you, to the fridge, to the floor. To the glass as he drinks again.

This is a stranger, you think, another person standing in his skin, working the bones. You don’t know how to deal with this Carrillo. He’s faced failure before, and more loss than any normal human could withstand, but he’s never come to you for help about it. Not even when you were together. He dealt with it alone, kept it close, kept it moving.

You take a sip.

‘Something else will come up,’ you tell him, unconvincing even to you. It feels like a condolence. Something you’d print in a card and throw away again, once the wound had settled. ‘You won’t be any use to anyone like this.’

He nods.

You continue, working it through as you go. ‘You’re good at your job, Horacio. I think, you just, you run yourself into the ground without realising, and now it’s caught up to you.’

Again, he nods. The silence itches at your skin.

He may as well not be here, you may as well be talking into the buzz of the phone-line again.

‘Say something,’ you plead; or command. Who knows which angle you’re aiming for. ‘For your own sake.’

‘I was wrong to push you away,’ he answers, like he was waiting for the invite to say it. He’s looking at the fridge again, at the humbling portrait your niece drew of you, and insisted on presenting to every visitor that graces your kitchen. It stares back at him, black crayon and accusation. ‘It didn’t help,’ he says. ‘I think it made it worse.’

The cognac stings as you force a mouthful down. You let it settle, fire into your chest, before you reply. It made him worse, he means. It lead to this.

‘I think,’ you start, slowly, ‘that you only want that to be true. But, it doesn’t work like that, not with you. Everything has it’s place.’

He compartmentalises, in all things. When you were together, you had no effect on his work, when you’re apart, it’s just the same.

‘Maybe.’ He laughs, dry enough to make you wince. ‘Does that make me a coward?’ he asks, looking at you finally. ‘Wanting it to be your fault?’

‘Yes.’ You hold his gaze; his eyes are dark, and rich, and begging for a salvation he’ll never admit to. ‘It makes you human too,’ you add. ‘I mean, no-one wants to believe in truly, truly, chronic bad luck.’

His jaw twitches, air puffing from his nostrils.

‘Sorry.’ You’ve done it again. ‘But you know what I mean.’

Sighing, he nods—generous of him to give you that—then drags a palm down his face. You imagine it, rough, warm. You replace his face for your hip and it doesn’t feel like a memory, though it should, it is. You used to be familiar with the feeling of it.

‘I’ll go,’ he says, but he doesn’t move. He’s carried himself all the way to your door step, to your kitchen, under the halogen light, and he’s still pretending he doesn’t need something from you. Always lying to himself more than anyone.

You hand him an excuse to stay, free of charge. ‘At least finish your drink.’

But it’s gone in one, tipped back and into his throat. The glass is set on the side, abandoned, before you can react. ‘I shouldn’t,’ he says. He’s found resolve somewhere in the cognac.

‘Wait.’ You catch his arm before he can leave, your own drink sloshing up the sides with the urgency. ‘You can stay,’ you tell him, voice raising as he attempts to interrupt, ‘and it won’t break your promise. It won’t change anything.’

His head shakes, brows pinching together. ‘It wasn’t a promise.’

‘You don’t lie without reason.’

‘I said we wouldn’t—’

‘So we won’t,’ you bite. ‘I can tell why you’re here, Horacio, and it sure as fuck isn’t a relationship.’

You watch his shoulders tense. His gaze sits in line with yours, daring. What is it then? What? You can see it chewing at his insides, teeth to the membrane. Say it so I don’t have to.

It’s obvious, to you, what he needs. What he came for. He wants to be right about something again, he wants to commit to an act and reap the rewards of it. He wants you, specifically, he wants flesh without the cost, carnal and thoughtless. Then, he wants to sleep. He needs to sleep.

You finish your drink, and put your hand out.

                                                             *

It’s like the first time. New, unfamiliar. Hands that have forgotten each other, curves that bump, and slide off, legs that twist, unsettled between one another. It’s pure luck that you made it to the bedroom, clumsy and awkward as it was. Like he’d never been here before, like he’d forgotten the shape of your hallway and the number of rooms. Compartmentalised, you remember, he’d put you and all things to do with you into a box, tucked away and ignored. You were just unpacking it.

By sheer force of will, you’re lying topless now, with him over you, bare chest to bare chest. Panting like you’re scared of what’s next. Your teeth knock as you kiss him, once, and then again. You attempt to laugh about it, but he moves down and away from your mouth before you can find his eyes. Embarrassed, maybe, eager, you hope.

No, you don’t care. Let it be either.

It’ll do him good to be bad at something without consequence.

You stretch your chin up, inhaling, and let him harvest from the rest of you, lips to your neck, your collar, you exhale. His stubble feels wrong against your breastbone, foreign, scratching. Fine grade like glass paper. It pulls you awake from the dream you hadn’t realised yet.

Testing his reaction, you put a palm on his head and push him further away from the heart, the chest. He goes slowly, fingertips digging and grounding, like anchors dragged from the harbour—nails to your flesh—before settling his hold onto your hips.

‘Horacio,’ you start, with your eyes closed and your head back in the pillow. His nose brushes below your navel as he waits. ‘Lo quieres?’ you ask.

Lips to your inner thigh. Teeth.

‘Tell me,’ you breathe.

‘Sí,’ he says. ‘I want you.’

You lift your hips from the mattress and he takes the cue for what it is, pulling your underwear down and off, onto the floor with the discarded shirts. You rake your fingers across the tops of his shoulders as he comes back to you, over you. Mouth pressed to the ache of you.

You grip his hair. His tongue is the first thing about this that you recognise.

‘I want you,’ he says again, unprompted and panted into your skin. His voice is rough, low, kept close to himself like a confession.

Now, you’re getting somewhere. Now, he’s folding into it without putting up a fight.

You move your hold from his hair to his face, along his jaw, until he allows you the space to find his lips and drag your fingertips over the soft of them. When they part, you go into the mouth, two fingers to his tongue. He sucks.

You’ve never had him like this. Pliable, reactive. You pull your fingers free and watch him fall forward again, back into his work, his motions careful and performative. There’s a need for praise in his actions, in the reach of his palms across your chest. A type of supplication you can’t ignore.

So you give it freely. Out loud, sweetened and paired with his name, cushioned in sighs, you tell him what he needs to hear, then you tell him again.

It’s like the first time, and it’s like a death. It won’t happen to either of you twice.

[obsessedasusual]

Going Home - Horacio Carrillo

Pairing: Horacio Carrillo x Reader

Summary: When Colonel Carrillo hears how everything went wrong out in the field and you’re paying the price, he pays a late night visit.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death

Note: work has been so crazy lately I feel like I haven’t been on here in YEARS (it’s been a few days) but I’ve had this completed for a while and for some reason forgot to post? Here ‘tis!!! I love him so much, aaaaand back to my wips (maybe)

The Breakup Series Masterlist

It had all gone so wrong, so fast.

It was supposed to be a simple quest for intel. Just a quick chat with the restaurant staff, see if they knew anything, if they’d heard anything, leave a contact number, and go.

Except it hadn’t been that simple.

And now your bad call, your fucking bad call, resulted in an agent getting shot, and you being sent right back to the good ol’ US of A.

Was it entirely your fault? No. But being the ranking agent in that situation meant the buck stopped with you. So you alone had to face the consequences.

The knock came late that night. It was close to midnight when the soft rapping on the door pulled your attention away from the TV. It could only be one person at this hour. Once he was sure your colleagues, who also doubled as your neighbours, would either be in bed, or preoccupied for the evening.

Horacio’s face was unreadable when you opened the door. He gave you a once over and stepped inside your apartment, you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding and shut the door behind him. Securing the lock.

He stood in the middle of your open plan apartment, like he always did when he first arrived. No matter how many times he had been over, he still waited to be invited to take a seat.

“You can sit, Horacio.” You offered gently as you returned to your spot on the couch. He stayed standing.

“I hear you’re leaving.” Arms crossed over his chest, looking anywhere but you.

You nodded sadly, “Not voluntarily, but yeah. I’m leaving.”

His eyes darted around the small apartment, taking in the mess of half packed boxes dotted around the place. A lot of things you weren’t taking with you. You would leave them here and make them the next agent lucky enough to be assigned this crappy apartment’s problem. A couple of boxes of possessions, that’s all you had to show for your tenure in Colombia. That, and the memory of the man stood before you.

“When?”

“Hm?”

He repeated himself, “When do you leave?”

You followed his gaze around your apartment, “Day after tomorrow. They gave me a grace period to get my affairs in order. Very considerate of them.”

He sniffed out a short chuckle at that before his eyes met yours, pinning you to the spot you were sat, “Were you planning on telling me? Or just flying out without a word.”

A regretful sigh left your body as you looked sadly at the stoic man in front of you, studying his features like you had many times before, “Horacio, I didn’t know what to say. Guessing Peña told you?”

He nodded his confirmation, “I should’ve heard it from you.”

“The final decision was only made this morning. But you’re right. I’m um, I’m sorry.”

The US Government doesn’t work slow with agents that are being sent to the naughty corner. Once you’d found out your fate, you had looked around for the Colonel you’d become accustomed to spending the nights with, when you hadn’t found him, you’d left the office to start packing up your life. You’d figured that he’d come knocking that night, and you were right.

Finally, he stepped over to the couch and sat next to you, close enough that your legs touched. With no words spoken, Horacio gently took one of your hands in both of his and held it firmly, bringing it to his lips to place a soft kiss, and back to rest in his lap. He liked to play with your fingers, exploring each line and fingerprint with his thumb. It was relaxing for him, and for you. And exactly what you needed in this moment.

“Ya know, Horacio. I’m gonna miss you more than I care to admit.” You smiled sadly at your intertwined hands.

He let out a single chuckle, “We’ve had some fun, amor.”

‘Let’s have some fun’, those were the words you had said to him when this whole thing started. It had started as fun. But it quickly grew into more than that, becoming each other’s solace in a war that at times seemed impossible to win. Each other’s peace, when everyday you faced so much death and harm.

We’ve had some fun.

“We really have, Colonel.” You turned your head to meet his gaze and gave a small, sad smile, “We really have.”

Horacio broke the eye contact and continued to trace patterns on your hands. You took the opportunity to admire him, he was still dressed in his fatigues. The green t shirt tight as always and leaving nothing to the imagination. Dirt covered his boots, which he had now traipsed through your living room. He smelt like cigarettes and the woody scent of his cologne. Horacio Carrillo was the best secret you'd ever kept.

“If you ever find yourself in California. Look me up. I’d kill to see you on a surfboard.” It was a horrible attempt at a joke, but it helped to ease the tension.

There were words that you wanted to say to each other, but couldn’t, and wouldn’t. You both knew what they were. But admitting some things out loud would cause more harm than good. You were leaving the country. There was no need to complicate things further.

With a deep breath Horacio rose from his seat on the couch and dragged you up to stand in front of him. He gave a weak excuse for a smile, “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself, mi amor.”

You tightened your grip on his hands as you prepared yourself for his departure, “Promise me you’ll get that asshole.”

He smirked at the malice in your voice, “You know I will.”

“I do.”

For a beat you just stood there. Taking each other in for what you both knew would be the last time.

Horacio swallowed, releasing his grip on your hands and sliding back into the professional Colonel you were all too familiar with. He held out his hand, “It’s been nice working with you, Agent.”

You nodded through teary eyes and accepted his handshake, “You too, Colonel.”

[somedaylazysomeday]

Matter of Perspective - Part Three

A return to the office doesn't exactly mean a return to normalcy.

Horacio Carrillo x fem!reader

Rating: Mature. Minors, please do not interact.

Word Count: 3,400

Warnings: Office pettiness, threats (both joking and real), awkwardness, relationship conversations, minor misunderstandings.

Previous | Next | Masterlist

---

The DEA office was the same on Friday as it always was. 

When you returned from the Magdalena River bust - as it came to be known - you found that the trash can by your desk still held the forgotten remnants of your last office lunch, someone had used your mug and left it in the sink, and that Steve freaking Murphy had strategically reordered the photographs on your desk. 

You were halfway through chewing him out about it and fending off his excuses (“The stack fell over! I was just trying to put them back how I thought they were.”) when Javier Peña and Horacio Carrillo stepped into the office.

The gathered employees, American and Colombian alike, burst into applause. Peña nodded, offering a hint of a smile when Murphy let out a piercing whistle. Carrillo was stone-faced as ever, but his eyes traveled briefly to you. You smiled at him, feeling foolish for clapping when he raised a single brow. But it was all in good fun and provided some much-needed levity in the office, so you kept going. 

The shipment of cocaine that had been seized along the Magdalena River was a large one, and that provided the most popular topic of conversation through the day. It was a never-ending source of amusement for you. Stories about the bust ranged from someone tailing Escobar himself and finding the ships to some undercover work by one of the DEA agents. One theory even gave credit to an anonymous tip from someone who had seen the narcos unloading product into the caves. You snorted aloud at that one. If anyone from the office had seen the remoteness of the caves, they would have come up with a better story.

But you couldn’t spare too much time for listening to office gossip. The pile of photographs on your desk was already too large to ignore and it was growing by the hour. You tore through them, discarding or expanding upon notes that previous agents had left on each one. Sometimes the pictures were heavily marked, clearly having been through several stages of analysis before they reached you, but you still checked them diligently. You never knew when you were going to see something others had missed. 

“Got a minute?”

You looked up to find Peña standing by your desk. The pile of photographs beckoned and you really didn’t want another week of shunning from jealous office workers, but Peña hadn’t asked when it wasn’t important…

“Now?” you asked, fingers stroking delicately over the photograph you were almost finished analyzing. 

Peña shrugged. “Up to you, but sooner would be better.”

With a sigh at the realization that you would end up working late to cover for the time you spent speaking with Peña, you stood and followed him. 

Peña led you, unsurprisingly, to the records room. 

“If there’s another map in here…” you started, the threat clear in your voice despite the clear lack of concern on Peña’s face.

“No, but I did bring you a present,” he told you. When you gave him a suspicious look, he gestured you through the door to the room. 

True to Peña’s word, there was no map on the table in the center of the room. But that table was also empty, and you frowned until you heard someone ask, “What is this?”

You turned, already smiling when your eyes locked with Horacio Carrillo’s. Since you weren’t sure what to say, you settled for a nod in his direction.

Carrillo returned the nod stiffly, though his brown eyes were warm. “What are you doing, Peña? You said you needed me to consult on something.”

“I do,” Peña agreed. “I needed you to tell me what the two of you are doing so I don’t give anything away.”

You arched a brow, glancing at Carrillo as you did. You had been under the impression that Peña knew everything that had happened between you and the handsome colonel.

“What makes you think something is going on between us?” you asked, trying to head off his suspicion with a challenge.

Peña gave you the most disbelieving look you had ever seen. “Yeah. If I don’t believe that line, there’s a good chance no one else will, either. You need to come up with an official story and stick with it.”

Carrillo growled something in Spanish, but it was too low and too rapid for you to catch what it was. In any case, Peña rolled his eyes and shook his head at you both. 

“I’ll give you some time to figure it out,” he offered, stepping out of the records room. You made as if to follow him, but the door closed with a sharp snap. 

Feeling a little sheepish, you turned to Carrillo, who still hadn’t moved. “I, uh… I guess he meant he’ll give us a few minutes, not a few days.”

“Seems that way,” Carrillo agreed with a shrug. 

You nodded slowly, feeling uncertain. It had seemed like you and Carrillo left things in a good place after you had hooked up on Monday evening. He had slept in your tent, snuck out in the gray pre-dawn morning, and you had been casually near each other ever since. He had been more laid-back and talkative when you were dealing with the Magdalena River caves. He had even smiled at you once!

But, when you looked at things in the logical light of day, you had to admit that you hadn’t made any further plans. Sleeping together could have been a one-time thing, a way to relieve some tension or make the most out of a comparative lack of supervision in the field. Just because you couldn’t remember the last time you had cuddled after a one-night stand didn’t mean that it never happened for anyone. 

And that left you with no idea of how to proceed with Carrillo. 

For lack of anything else to do, you occupied yourself with the table in the center of the room. As you had previously noted, there was no map on it, but you wiped some theoretical dust from its surface before you hopped up to sit on it. 

When you looked back at Carrillo, the coronel was watching you. For the first time since you had seen him that day, he was smiling. Well, almost. He looked less severe than he had the other times you had seen him. 

“Good morning,” you greeted with a smile. 

“It’s almost noon,” he noted, taking a step toward the table. 

You shrugged. “Yeah, but this is the first time we’ve spoken all day. I figured I would start from the beginning.”

“Ah,” Carrillo said, understanding dawning in his eyes. “Buenas días, then.”

You aimed another smile in his direction before you focused on your own feet. The toe of each shoe came briefly into view, then disappeared as you swung your legs back and forth. 

“Why-” Carrillo’s sudden question cut off before you could hope to guess the rest and you looked at him. He folded his arms behind his back, straightening his posture and letting his expression settle into its usual stern lines. In a moment, he had returned to the tightly buttoned officer you had known him to be. “Are you upset with me?”

“Upset?” you repeated, bewildered. “Why would I be upset with you?” 

“Because this…” The explanation trailed off into nothing as Carrillo gestured back and forth between you. “Why is this so uncomfortable?”

You laughed at that. It was loud in the small room, and you were thankful for the file-bearing shelves that lined every wall. At least they dampened the sound and prevented any echoes. Come to think of it, that was probably why people misbehaved in the records room…

A movement from Carrillo pulled your attention back to the moment and your breath caught when you saw him truly smiling. You returned it gladly. “I’m not sure, but it is a weird situation. Maybe we should have planned a little better.”

“If you were not prepared yesterday, the best day to prepare is today,” Carrillo said. He grimaced a moment later. “That sounds better in Spanish. It seems that we should have a conversation.” 

You nodded, slipping down from the table in favor of sitting in an actual chair. You gestured for Carrillo to do the same. “Do you want to start?” 

“I can if you prefer,” he agreed. After taking a moment to collect his thoughts, Carrillo started, “I feel I should apologize.” 

Your heart dropped. You were prepared to hear that Carrillo didn’t want to start a relationship with you, but you hadn’t even thought to worry about him regretting your night together. It was something you really didn’t want to hear. “No need. Please.”

He frowned. “I think there is a need. I treated you terribly.”

“No, you were wonderful!” you refuted. “You were much kinder than I expected.”

‘Kind’ wasn’t a compliment you thought most men would enjoy about their skills in the bedroom, but you were too flustered to be anything other than honest. 

Carrillo was outright scowling by that point. “Kind? I’ve done nothing but insult and belittle you since we met. I even influenced my men to be suspicious of you. You have a very strange idea of kindness.”

When that sank in, you abruptly felt so much lighter that you could have been floating. You laughed aloud, the situation even funnier when Carrillo started looking as if you had broken into a jig. “I thought you were talking about the Magdalena River bust!” 

“I was, at least partially. I treated you poorly and you deserved better. You deserve better now. But I don’t think I can offer it.” 

“Horacio…” you protested, voice soft and fearful. You were exhausted from trying to keep up with the conversation, and the longer it continued, the more suspicious you were that he just needed to be rid of his guilt.

“The men of the Search Bloc distrust you,” Carrillo said, looking unreasonably bothered by his own statement. “I cannot convince them that you are trustworthy without explaining why, and that would tell them too much. I do not want to risk you.” 

“I’m confused,” you admitted, reaching out and snagging his hand. Carrillo halted instantly, watching you with wary eyes. “Are you saying you don’t want to be together? Or you do and you just want to keep it secret? Or you do and you want to tell your men so they don’t think I’m a spy anymore? Or-”

“Yes, yes, I spoke too much,” Carrillo said irritably. He scrubbed a hand over his head, squeezing his fingers around yours. "But you deserve better than me. You deserve better than all of this."

"All of this?" You frowned. "Carrillo, you remember that I signed up for 'all of this', right? I don't care how you treated me in the past. I don't care if your men are suspicious of me now. I don't care that Steve fucking Murphy keeps reorganizing the pictures on my desk every time I turn around. I asked to be assigned here, because I think I can do some good in this fight. There are times when it isn't fair, it isn't fun, it isn't pleasant. But you-" 

You broke off, suddenly aware that you were rambling. "Even if you never want to see me again, you were a bright spot in a very shadowed place, Coronel. I appreciate that."

"This sounds like goodbye," Carrillo noted. He seemed almost calm about it, but a muscle twitching in his cheek hinted at his true feelings.

“Is…” you trailed off, frowning. When you spoke again, your voice was softer, like you were asking him something in private despite the lack of other people in the room. “Is that not what you were working toward? I thought you were trying to let me down easy.” 

If the situation weren’t so tense, you would laugh at the rapid procession of looks on Carrillo’s face. His eyebrows shot up, lips parting with his slackened jaw. An instant later, his brows crashed down in confusion and those lips closed once more before forming into a scowl. 

You tried to cut his displeasure short. “I’m sorry if I misunderstood-”

“It seems to me that we are speaking in circles,” Carrillo said, taking a deliberate step toward you. You watched, wide-eyed, as he took another and another, steadily approaching until he was standing close enough that you could have touched him with an outstretched hand. “Let me be clear, cariña: I want to be with you. I want it very badly.” 

A warm delight tickled the space behind your ribcage and your reply started forming even as you realized Carrillo wasn’t done.

The only reason I would not be with you is if you felt that I have treated you too poorly in the past.” The colonel grimaced. “And you would not be wrong about that. But if you can forgive me, I will work as long as it takes to earn that forgiveness…”

You let him finish what he was saying, if only because you wanted to avoid any possible confusion after everything that had already happened. When you were sure of it, you touched his arms, sliding your hands downward until they were holding his. You were both smiling by that point, and when you pulled him closer, your kiss was sweet and lingering. 

“You haven’t done anything to need forgiveness,” you assured him. “I understand how it looked that I watched you all the time. I didn’t mean to be suspicious, but I wasn’t brave enough to start a conversation with you.”

“So does that mean-?” Carrillo started. 

You were too eager to let him finish asking the question, especially since you had forgotten to return the sentiment of wanting to be together. “Yes, I definitely want to be with you, coronel. Horacio.” 

Carrillo’s full lips tipped up at the edges, clearly pleased that you had used his first name. The last time you had done that was when you hid on the boat before your departure at Puerto Triunfo. You and the handsome coronel had stolen a moment for kisses and tenderness before you split up for the trip back to the Search Bloc’s headquarters. 

“That’s a cause for celebration, cariña,” he told you, hands settling in the curve of your waist as he stepped between your legs. You tipped your head back eagerly for him, greedily accepting the deeper kiss he pressed to your lips. “Let me make dinner for you tonight.” 

“That- mmm - sounds…” It was difficult to think with the little brushes of lips and tongue over your jaw and neck, but you tried to anyway. “Impossible.”

Carrillo pulled back, looking mildly put out. You patted his chest. “I’m sorry, Horacio. That trip last week put me way behind on work. I’m going to have to stay late tonight just to catch up.”

“I understand,” he told you, though he was clearly reluctant. “I admire your dedication to your work. I always have.” 

The skepticism must have shown as clearly in your expression as it did in your mind, because he gave a wry sort of chuckle. “Yes, even when I thought you were a spy. I also thought you were good at your job and put a great deal of time into it. Of course, I also thought your conclusions were only correct because you were working with Escobar…”

You gasped - playfully, but with a smidge of actual offense in it. “That’s rude, coronel. I’m very good at what I do, no inside information necessary.” 

“I know that now.” Carrillo’s eyes were warm as his thumb brushed over the curve of your cheek. “You are brilliant. Which is why I find it so frustrating that this office is determined to give credit for the Magdalena River bust to Peña and I. It was your theory that made us look for caverns, then your eyes that helped us find the drugs.”

It was a common piece of wisdom that a sense of humility never helped anyone get ahead in any government agency, especially the DEA. You knew this, but you couldn’t help the bashful duck of your head at Carrillo’s praise. “You guys would have figured it out eventually.” 

“Perhaps,” he conceded. “But not without more time and a great deal more money sank into it than anyone would be happy with us spending. You deserve the recognition.”

“I don’t want it,” you insisted. “Honestly, I think people congratulating me would feel like I was taking credit for something I didn’t really do. I mean, I did do it, but only with a team of people more qualified than I am to keep us safe in the field-”

“That is the job, cariña,” he pointed out. “None of us do anything alone. But I will respect your choice. Unless you decide to tell people of your contributions, I will keep quiet.” 

“Sounds like you have made some choices,” Peña said, stepping back into the records room. “But I just caught the tail end. Do you need some more time? ‘Keeping quiet’ could go either way.”

You shook your head at him while Carrillo gave a dark glare. You had seen Peña angry and impatient and flirty and wheedling. As far as you were concerned, those comprised the entirety of the Javier Peña emotional spectrum. But this… this was teasing. This was friendly. 

The shit-eating grin on his face only cemented that theory in your mind. Peña was still smiling as he said, “That didn’t sound like a ‘no’...”

You said ‘no’ reflexively, but Carrillo opted to answer with a blistering flood of Spanish. You didn’t understand any of it, but you were good enough with context clues to know that none of it had been complimentary.

Peña replied with a suggestion lascivious enough to make your face hot, which irritated you and you brushed past him. “I need to get back to work if I’m going to go home tonight.” 

“Aww, planning to go to your own home? By yourself?” Peña asked, tone full of faux disbelief. “I thought better of you, coronel.” 

“Peña,” you reprimanded, whirling in place to catch the exaggerated wink he tossed toward you and Carrillo. 

“I could kill him, cariña,” Carrillo said, not low enough that Peña couldn't hear. “We would have to run, but the problem would be gone.” 

“Pretend you wouldn’t miss me,” Peña told him confidently. 

“He’s very obvious, Horacio,” you murmured. “I don’t want everyone to know about us. Not unless we decide it.” 

Carrillo’s eyes were very dark as he asked, “What if they already know?” 

The question sent a nervous tingle through you. It would be nice to be open about your regard for the handsome coronel, but your relationship was so new and it would almost certainly complicate both of your jobs. The trade was simply not worth it.

So you leaned to the side, peering around him to Peña. “Does anyone suspect anything?”

“How should I know?” Peña asked, leaning comfortably against the wall. 

“You’re the prince of the office gossip chain,” you said, patting Carrillo’s arm so he would remember who the king was. “I think you know exactly what everyone out there thinks.” 

Peña eyed you for a moment, mouth pursing below his mustache, then gave a reluctant nod. “People have noticed that you’re both missing, but no one thinks you’re spending time together.”

“We have been subtle,” Carrillo told you, idly straightening the collar of your blazer. 

“No, not at all,” Peña argued. “People just know how much you dislike her, so they don’t read into anything.” 

Carrillo winced, then winced again when you gave a loud laugh. “Again, I thought you were a spy.” 

You nodded mutely, fingers pressed to your lips as if reminding yourself to keep quiet. Peña added, “Your men think the same thing.” 

“You’ve been so helpful today, Peña,” Carrillo said, his casual tone falling short of covering the venom that dripped from the words. “Remind me to repay the favor next time you meet with a pretty informant.” 

“Okay, I’m going back to work now,” you said again. “I mean it this time.”

The feeling of Carrillo’s thumb brushing over your knuckles was enough to weaken your resolve, but the stack of photographs on your desk was calling too loudly to ignore. With a final regretful glance back at the colonel, you returned to your desk.

---

Author's Note - as usual with Fanfic February fics, there will be a second part to this. And also as usual, the second part will be spicy.

Thanks for reading!

[goodnitedrdead]

miscalculated steps

Colonel Carrillo x Reader

Summary: Horacio was a man of deliberate decisions. It’s one of the characteristics that got him to the position he held. When you came into his life, he threw all sense of premeditation out the window and knew he would follow you till the end of the world at a moment’s notice. The risk he took was calculated, but man, was he bad at math. 

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Shootings, bullet wounds, death. Not towards any main characters though. fluff <3. silly things here and there.

Author's Note: sometimes I get possessed by the gremlin spirit of creativity so I just type words and hope they make sense when it's finished. feedback is greatly appreciated and will earn you a kiss from me <3

It amused you every time to have any sort of interaction with him and pretend you did not know the type of person he was behind closed doors. In fact, you both quite enjoyed the game you had to play outside of your own little shared universe.

It’s not like you didn’t want to share it with anyone else, the fact that you two were together, but you didn’t want any infiltrations to knock down the foundations you two had built.

For Horacio, it was the excitement and pure love he never really knew he wanted. Most of the time, he felt like a love-sick puppy. He was quite surprised nobody else had brought it up to his attention. He could already hear Javier snickering at him for the lingering and glazy looks he’d give you whenever you were in his presence. 

Truth be told, he tried his hardest to treat you like the rest of his team. He tried so hard to talk to you in the same stern voice he’d use with everyone else. He tried so hard to make sure you were always aware of your surroundings. He tried so damn hard to make sure you didn’t get any sort of special treatment from him. He tried and tried and tried so hard but the best he could do was soften his tone whenever he’d address you. The best he could do was make sure you were always in his line of sight and within reach in case he had to cover you. The very best he could do was to make sure you were his number one priority in that team.

It wasn’t always like that. He remembers when you were first assigned to Search Bloc. He didn’t think much of you. For him, it was another person to deal with which meant more weight on his shoulders that would slow him down. That all changed when you knocked him off his feet…. quite literally. 

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It had been during a stakeout gone wrong. Carrillo and Peña were informed about an exchange that was taking place in an abandoned farm-house outside of Medellín. As the two of them were heading towards their shared vehicle, you were leaning on yours having a cigarette. Javier called you out, and you looked up to see him waving at you. You quickly put your cigarette out and jogged towards them. Carrillo would eventually have to thank Javier for this, as he was the one who invited you to join them. You agreed, and got in the backseat of the car. 

As the three of you drove with minimal conversation, you kept shifting in your seat. Carrillo noticed after a while, the way you couldn’t seem to sit still, the way you kept readjusting the seat belt strap that went across your torso. 

“Everything alright, agent?” he asked, starting to get bothered by your actions. Looking at you through the rearview mirror.

You gave him a quick smile before you replied, “yeah.. All good.”

He raised an eyebrow at you and kept driving, falling into conversation with Javier.

Carrillo noticed the change in demeanor when you reached your destination. You weren’t fidgeting anymore. Instead, he found you to be overly-observant. As he placed the car in park, he saw the way you looked out the window, one hand on your gun and the other on the handle of the door. Alert.

As the three of you exited the vehicle, he was about to make a comment on your behavior, but it all changed when the bullets started to rain on the three of you. 

His eyes immediately searched for Peña as he was quick to find cover from the gunfire. The shooting was coming from above. The street was clear of civilians, except for the three of you and the shooters. It was four men, positioned on different balconies from the houses on the street. He could only see two in front of him, and he quickly took one down with his pistol. The man fell from the balcony, colliding with the hard concrete beneath him. 

Adrenaline coursed through his veins. His breath was coming in a quick and shallow rhythm.  Carrillo took cover behind a car, ducking from the bullets that were dancing around him. He paid close attention to the sound of the gunfire, trying his best to count how many rounds were left in the other man’s weapon. It wasn’t long before he heard the shooting from that direction stop, the man more than likely meeting the same fate as his partner. The smell of gunpowder clung to the air, silence was quick to take over the atmosphere.

He scouted the area around him, slowly rising to his feet with his gun drawn and ready. At the lack of sight of you and Peña, Carrillo started to panic. He was quick to inspect his surroundings, looking for either of you. He had counted four men before, and two of them got taken down. Sure he could take on the other two by himself, but the problem was that he didn’t know where they had gone. They could ambush him at any minute.

As he came close to an old house down the street, he was about to call out for Peña when he felt an overpowering force plow against him. He was knocked out of his breath, his back making contact with the uneven pavement below him. He felt a few rocks dig into his back, his head grazing the ground. It all happened so quickly he didn’t have time to register the weight on top of him, shielding him from the bullets. 

Just as he was about to strike his attacker, he was stopped at the sight of you. Definitely not the person he expected. 

You were out of breath, panting above him. Your hair untamed, framing your face in a way that made you look much younger. Carrillo never took the time to really look at you until now. You were beautiful. A part of him that he didn’t even know was there started to awaken. Was it the rush of adrenaline? Was the loneliness catching up to him? Was it the way you saved his life? Whatever it was, those thoughts vanished as he saw you jump back to your feet, running to the sound of gunfire. He didn’t even know you had pushed him into an alleyway, hiding him away from the danger.

As he got out of the trance he was in, he got back up and followed you. Only to find out you and Peña had taken care of the other men that were still on the loose.

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It still amused him, knowing that in an instant moment his whole world changed because of you. Never in a million years did he think he’d end up sharing a home with you. Where you two would create your own sanctuary and your own world together, a world so perfect that he’d feel giddy to get out of work and home to you. He couldn’t need anything else as long as he was in your shared space.

The excitement to come back to you at the end of the day was always there. But sometimes he’d get so wrapped up in his own mind. The exhaustion of work following him and finding a home in his bones, aching and wearing him down as the minutes ticked by. And there was no one to blame for such a feeling. It came with the profession. The formidable belief that you were changing the world, even if it cost giving up your own sanity.

 He was so thankful you understood. And you were thankful he did as well. The mutual understanding was something neither of you had in previous relationships, at least not to this level. Sure, previous partners of  yours knew of your profession and what you did, but they never really knew the extent of it until they had witnessed it first-hand. And it wasn’t a problem until you’d withdraw from your own existence. You would lose interest in the smallest of things, sometimes to the point where food wasn’t even an option for you. Finding solace in the cigarettes and cheap coffee you’d consume on your way to the office or with your own colleagues. You pitted the opposing party in these situations. Your self-awareness sometimes failing you to see that you would neglect your partners from being so involved with your job. Only realizing once they’ve been long gone, leaving you confused and a tad disappointed with your behavior. 

Making you wonder if you were even meant to be loved.

But that was until you met Horacio. 

With him, things were unlike any other. He understood. He got it. He knew the game plan and he knew how to play it. Both of you wouldn’t even have to speak a word to understand it had been one of those days. You learned how to read each other based on the most simple microexpressions. Sometimes it was the way he’d breathe. He would hold his breath at times, almost as if he were restraining himself from unleashing the anger he suppressed. Anger at the world, anger at the people who would do their part to make the world a shitty place. Anger at Pablo Escobar. 

Horacio couldn’t even begin to understand a man like Escobar. Why build your empire above the souls of Colombia? Why paint the walls with the blood of those whose lives you felt entitled to take? Who was he to choose who got to live and who got to die? 

The thoughts faded as he walked inside the only place that managed to bring him tranquility. With a deep breath, he allowed himself to engulf the feeling of calmness. The warmth of your shared home embraced his very soul, settling in his bones and scaring away the ache and weariness that usually resided there. He couldn’t hold back the smile that formed on his face as he walked deeper inside, looking for you. 

He heard you before he could see you. A string of quiet curses that left your mouth, along with things hitting the floor. The faint melody that flowed from the radio got louder as he approached the bathroom. Finding you haunched over the edge of the bathtub, you're back facing the door. As much as he wanted to surprise you by wrapping his arms around your waist, he couldn’t bring himself to scare you like that. Fear was an ever present feeling in your field of work and he was not about to let it follow you home. Instead he just learned against the frame of the door, delightfully observing you. 

You were setting candles around the edge of the tub, trying to somehow make it look… romantic. Inviting? Relaxing? You weren’t even sure what you were going for. All you wanted was to do something nice for Horacio, you knew how hard of a time he was having lately. He wasn’t the only one, sure, but as the Colonel and head of Search Bloc, he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. You wanted to relieve some of that pressure he carried, at least for this moment. 

You checked your watch, lifting a fist in a celebratory manner as you managed to finish before Horacio arrived home. Or so you thought. You had completely forgotten to retrieve the matchsticks to light the candles. Challenging yourself to go downstairs and get the matchstick box in under ten seconds, you turned and tried to make a run for it when you collided with a goddamn human brick wall. Oof.

You instantly felt arms wrap around you, trapping you in place. A smile immediately appeared on your face as you looked at the man who embraced you. Horacio planted kisses all over your face, making the most exaggerated kissing sounds as he did so. You giggled before you gently shoved him away, suddenly realizing he was home and your surprise was ruined.

“Why are you here? You weren’t supposed to be home for another twenty minutes!” you couldn’t help but whine, you really wanted to surprise him with this.

Horacio smirked, walking towards you with his hands on his hips, “I can always go back to the office and crash there. Would you prefer that, mi amor?”

You walked backwards, rolling your eyes before they settled on his gaze. The back of your knees softly touching the side of the tub, coming to a stop. You mimicked his posture, hands on your hips and a playful look in your eyes. “You’re more than welcome to do so. You probably wouldn’t even last five minutes before complaining about–”

He caged you in between his body and the tub, towering over you and wrapping his arms around you once again. His fingers making contact with the parts of your body that were the most ticklish. Wanting to make you regret your words.

You laughed as he tickled you, trying to squirm and get out of his grasp before it could continue. You jerked back to try to avoid his hands from touching you, but he had grabbed you by the waist and you forgot where you were and you lost your balance and the next thing you knew, you were falling backwards into the full tub and on your attempt to grab onto something, you ended up grasping his biceps and pulling him down with you. 

Horacio was a man of deliberate decisions. It’s one of the characteristics that got him to the position he held. When you came into his life, he threw all sense of premeditation out the window and knew he would follow you till the end of the world at a moment’s notice. The risk he took was calculated, but man, was he bad at math. 

He tried to act quick and move so he wouldn’t fall completely on top of you and crush you, but that didn’t work out. You started laughing once again as his weight held you down, the look of oh shit we fucked up evident on his face and you couldn’t even look at him because you weren’t sure what was funnier, that look or the fact that both of you had fallen into the tub, his drenched military uniform clinging onto every part of his body. The usually military green turned even darker as the water made contact with it.

He stopped caring about what happened when he heard your laugh, and he couldn’t help himself from joining you. The both of you now looking at each other and finding humor in the fact that both of you were completely wet. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pulled him in even further, not caring about the situation anymore. 

He looked down at you and let his laughter subside, the feeling of adoration taking over. He was completely enamored with you and couldn’t even tell you because he was sure there was not a word on the planet that could convey the feelings he had for you. Horacio placed a hand on your cheek, leaning in slowly and taking in all of your features. 

You pulled away just barely enough to miss his lips, a smirk settling on your face as you told him, “you’re definitely sleeping at the office from now on.” 

Whatever quick comeback he tried to come up with disappeared when he felt your lips press against his.

[bullet-prooflove]

14. You’re way too young to be broken

I’m in my Horacio Carrillo feels for this one.

You're young, far too young to have had your life blown apart by the cartels but it's happened. He wishes it hadn't, he wishes that your brother hadn't died, that you hadn't come to Columbia, that you didn't know the stench of death and the taste of cocaine but you do and he can't change it.

Ironically the things that he wishes for are the things that have brought you into his life and into his bed. He can't imagine a world where the two of you hadn't met, he would never admit it but he believes that fate brought the two of you together. Two broken souls finding each other at just the right time.

His ex wife read novels based on this kind of thing.

He lies on his side in your bed, thr sheets draped over his hips and he allows his fingertips to trail over the scars that are etched into your skin.

Shrapnel from a car bomb right here in his city. He remembers the night he heard the call go up, the way it felt like his heart stopped beating in his chest when he heard your address. You had been lucky, talking to one of your neighbours when another car had bumped yours. You'd escaped the blast but not the fallout.

"You're being morose again." You murmur as you roll onto your back, your hair falling across the pillow as you stare up at them with those knowing eyes of yours.

"Maybe." He concedes as his thumb brushes over the apple of your cheek. He leans in close, his lips brushing over yours as the first blush of the morning creeps from your blinds. "But I have you in bed and there are much more important things I'd like to focus on."

[the-hinky-panda]

Reparar (Los Regalos Series)

So this is technically the last part of Los Regalos but I'm not completely opposed to revisiting these two again.

Pairing: Colonel Horacio Carrillo x Fem!Reader

Rating: PG-13

Summary: You’re new to Colombia and the Search Bloc, loaned out by the Army to help sift through the wiretaps, sat phone calls, and other communications. After figuring out that it was Colonel Carrillo who was leaving little gifts, the two of you start seeing each other. But after an assassination attempt that leaves you wounded, you two decide to act like you've broken up. However, things are never as easy as they seem.

He wakes up with a splitting headache and the taste of ash in his mouth. Horacio buries his head into his pillow and prays the throbbing in his temples and the vertigo lessens enough for him to remember exactly what happened last night. Grief still presses heavily between his shoulder blades as soberness churns his stomach. How much whiskey did he go through? What happened last night exactly? 

It comes to him in flashes. He had spent time looking at the gifts and offerings that you had been sneaking into his office. He knew from the side-eyed looks between Peña, Murphy, and Trujillo, you had some help with this little covert operation. He vaguely remembers the things, but what did he do with them? A box, he put them in a box. Then what? 

Oh God. Oh God. He went to your apartment. He knocked on the door. He left the box. Oh God, no. He left the box. The horror of you finding your kind gifts dumped in front of your door is enough to rouse him out of bed. He moves too quickly and instantly regrets it as his head splits apart and his stomach roils. He has to sit there with his head between his knees until the pain decreases and his stomach settles. 

While he waits for that, more pieces of last night come to him. The knock at the door. Him not caring to even pick up his gun as he approached the front door. Opening the door and seeing your face, your red-rimmed eyes, and the sad downturn of your mouth. You brought the box back. You brought the gifts back to him. That makes his stomach flip again. 

He has to find you. You were here last night, he has a vague memory of you sleeping here. He takes in a couple deep breaths and stands up from the bed. The room spins but after a moment it slows to manageable sway. He moves from his bedroom and leans on the doorway of the small guest room down the hall. If you had slept there, he couldn’t tell. The bed is neatly made, no signs of clothes or shoes tossed over a chair or laying on the dresser. He rests his head against the doorframe and tries to remember if you were really here last night or if he’s just made that up. 

There’s a beep that comes from downstairs. Three short beeps followed by a long one. The coffee pot. Someone made coffee. You must have made coffee. He makes his way downstairs, practically leaning against the wall to help balance himself. He’s too hungover to be quiet which is good since his tongue feels like sandpaper and he’s not sure he could call your name, to warn you of his now conscious presence. 

But when he reaches the first floor of the house, he doesn’t hear you at all. He doesn’t smell your light perfume. In fact, he doesn’t sense anyone at all. The curtains are all drawn, the rooms pleasantly dark. There is still the scent of coffee hanging in the air and it doesn’t twist his stomach. He ventures into the kitchen and finds two cups sitting neatly in the sink. Did he drink so much that he forgot having coffee with you at some point this morning? Wait, is it morning? He looks up at the clock on the wall and sees it’s almost three-thirty in the afternoon. 

You’re not here. You’ve given up on him. And he can’t be angry with you about that. He was the one that kept pushing you away, returning your things in the middle of the night. He’s the one that drank himself into oblivion last night and has no memory of what he said or did. Maybe you’re off crying on Javier’s shoulder now. The single DEA agent had a thing for damsels in distress and what Horacio has put you through could certainly qualify as distress. 

He hears the front door open, the loud noise of people walking past and a car horn make him wince before the door quietly shuts and stillness returns. There’s only a handful of people with keys to his home, only a handful of people he trusts with access to his home. He hears a soft sigh being released, a delicate sniff, before a couple clacks of shoes reverberate through the darkened home. He steps back into the dining room which gives him a direct line of sight to the front door. 

He almost doesn’t recognize you. He’s never seen you in uniform before. Gone are your sneakers and jeans and linen shirts. You’re in a starched dress shirt, buttoned all the way up to your throat, a fitted olive colored jacket, and straight pencil skirt. You’re in the middle of taking off the plain black pumps so you can walk whisper-like through the house. Your hair is pulled back into a neat bun at the base of your neck while a military hat is perched on your head. 

“Horacio?” 

It takes him a couple tries before he can force sound out of his mouth. “Querida.” 

You still completely. Your hands fidget with something, gloves, as you wait for him to say something else. When he doesn’t, you reach for your shoes again. “I can leave. I’m sorry.” 

“No.” It comes out as a command, like he’s standing in front of an inept cadet. “I mean, don’t go. Please.” 

You breathe a slow sigh of relief, a shaky smile crosses your face as you go back to slipping off your shoes. “Okay. If you want to take a shower, I’ll make some more coffee.” 

He nods mutely, wondering just how awful he must look for you to suggest that to him. He’s still trying to piece together what exactly happened last night, what was said, what wasn’t said, but his head is still pounding and thoughts won’t complete themselves. You pass by him on the way to the kitchen and slip your hand into his, giving him a gentle squeeze. 

“We’ll talk when you come back downstairs.” And you smile, truly smile. After everything he has put you through, you smile at him. “It’ll be okay, Horacio.” 

The world stops spinning. The ground levels out. You tell him it’s going to be okay and he believes you. 

***

You have no idea if he’s going to be okay. You’re so used to seeing Horacio being strong, immovable, and in complete control of whatever chaotic shitstorm is currently surrounding Search Bloc. He’s been made of granite for as long as you’ve known him. But now you can see the cracks in the stone, the weak points, and it scares you. It’s a good reminder though, that he is human, he is just a man under the uniform, muscles, and temper. 

This morning has been an eye-opening experience for you. Shortly after you had gotten up and made the bed in the guest room, someone had rung the doorbell. You answered it only because you saw it was the thin, well-dressed woman you had seen at Search Bloc a couple months before. Julianna, you remembered, was her name. You opened the door to her, introduced yourself and invited her inside. Surprisingly, she accepted the invitation. Not sure what to do next, you offered to make some coffee and she accepted that invitation as well. 

The two of you had sat at the small kitchen table and she had poured out her grief at her current situation. Even though Horacio had been horribly drunk, he had managed to tell you everything Julianna was now saying. She had come over to collect Horacio so that they could break the news together to the two children. You tell her that Horacio isn’t feeling well, not exactly a lie, that is why you’ve come over to check on him. But the task that she has been handed is a heavy one so you offer to go home, shower, get into uniform, and complete the task yourself if she’s agreeable. She grabbed ahold of your hands so tightly your knuckles are still slightly sore from the desperation in her grip. 

You have no idea how people can make a living out of having to inform families that their loved one isn’t coming home anymore. Having to look into the innocent eyes of two children and tell them that their father won’t ever walk through the door again, tuck them into bed, be there for milestones, was one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do. You had kept it together during the delivering of the news, the goodbye with Julianna and the parting hug you gave her before returning to Horacio’s home. But it’s as you're emptying the coffee pot and refilling it that the tears do come. This is how Horacio finds you a few minutes later, sobbing over fresh coffee grounds in the kitchen. He takes over for you, completing the preparation and turning on the coffee pot before directing his attention to you.

“Querida.” 

The term of endearment is said with such sadness but understanding. He hesitantly slips his arms around you and you immediately mold yourself against him. You bury your face in the space where his neck meets his shoulder, you inhale the fresh scent of soap and aftershave. He smells like himself now, no longer of whiskey and despair, and you try to get even closer to him by pressing your hands into his broad shoulder blades. He feels so solid, strong and protective. 

 Julianna has lost this particular kind of comfort. You have not and you’re determined to not waste any moment that you’re given with him now. You try to stop your tears, or at least slow them down, and take in a deep breath. “I’m sor-” 

“No, mi amor,” he cuts you off. “I’m sorry.” 

Mi amor. Hearing that familiar term of endearment only creates more tears. Could this entire debacle be redeemed? You remember how it felt last night when he reached for you, pulled you close, buried his face against your stomach and told you that he loved you. You remember starting to say it back to him. You had cried yourself to sleep last night, believing that the moment of confessing your feelings has been lost. 

Maybe…maybe it hasn’t been. 

“Te amo, Horacio.” 

You feel his arms tighten around you as his lips brush against your ear. “Te amo, mi vida,  mi alma.” 

[drabbles-mc]

Palliative Care

Horacio Carrillo & F!Reader

For @narcosfandomdiscord's Day of Horror: came back wrong

Warnings: 18+, major character death, angst, scars, blood, hospitals, all the sad angsty things idk

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Is this a day late? Yes. Is this one of the strangest, saddest fucked up little things I've ever written? Also yes. No clue where my brain went during this but here we are. I also think this might be my first ever fic with no dialogue. What a day!

Narcos Taglist: @ashlingnarcos @garbinge @hausofmamadas @cositapreciosa @narcolini @proceduralpassion @artemiseamoon @justreblogginfics (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

palliative care (noun): treatment that reduces the pain without curing its cause

You had been one of the lucky ones. You knew it, too. With the minor exception of a few scars running up the side of your body, you came home fully intact. And compared to what you’d seen happen to so many others, a few ridges along your ribcage and thigh were hardly worth mentioning. You were grateful, in your mind at least, even if you didn’t always feel it all the way down into your bones.

The only thing that had gotten you through the atrocities that you’d seen, the losses that you’d suffered despite how hard you tried to prevent them, was the knowledge that one day you would be back home again. You weren’t going to live out your days wading through the carnage of war. And even though there was no guarantee of it, you were determined not to become and be buried as part of the mess yourself.

Unfortunately, no amount of determination and wishful thinking prepared you for what it was going to feel like being home again. All the days and nights you spent begging for some stability, some peace, maybe even a little bit of quiet, and once you got it you had no idea what to do with any of it. So many months in the midst of war and once you were relieved of that sense of urgency, your body just couldn’t accept it. There was no turning the dial down. The last thing you wanted was more chaos, but it felt like you were constantly filled with adrenaline, ready to handle crises that weren’t even there.

After months of struggling with guilt and the dreaded thought that you were somehow subconsciously ungrateful for the opportunity to be home and safe again, when you were asked whether or not you wanted another change of venue, it felt like the only answer was yes. It’d be different than last time, they assured you, but it wasn’t going to be some quiet hospital in the middle of a relatively safe city like where you’d been in the interim. Part of you knew that this was the last thing you probably needed, but if peace and quiet wasn’t fixing you, maybe getting thrown back into it would do the trick. So, off to Medellín you went.

It was different, just like they’d said. But in a lot of ways it was also the same. The apparent spontaneity felt familiar. There wasn’t always an obvious rhyme or reason to when the violence would crescendo, although you supposed that was the point.

The thing that felt the most familiar, though, was the underlying feeling of futility that you felt. More officers, more soldiers brought to you begging you to not let them die. You’d spent enough time doing triage on battlegrounds to know relatively quickly if you were going to have any control over the outcome. You hated how often you didn’t. But you knew better than to let them know that. Calm, collected, reassurance even if it was a lie was the best you could do for any of them regardless of whether or not you could help them.

You didn’t like the feelings that came rushing back, the familiarity of it all, but even though that was the case, it was the first time in a long time that you didn’t feel like you were out of place.

You grew to recognize the people that filtered in and out of the hospital on a regular basis. Sometimes they saw you frequently because they themselves were getting injured. As much as you hated seeing people getting hurt over and over again, at least return trips meant that they kept surviving.

The other people you saw frequently were the officers in charge. Sometimes they were getting patched up by you, but other times they were coming through to check on their men. All you could hope was that you had good news for them. The same way you could tell within moments of seeing someone getting brought in whether you’d be able to help them or not, officers soon learned to be able to tell whether or not you had good news for them. They never held it against you when you didn’t—the families were another story.

You didn’t know much of anything about Colonel Carrillo outside of the things you’d heard about him in passing. Your conversations with him were always short, always professional. He never seemed to show any emotion to you one way or another regardless of whether you were delivering good or bad news to him. His expression almost always stayed the same. Neutral, hardened. No matter what you said, he’d always conclude the conversation with a tight nod, and an even tighter “Thank you” before going off to wherever he was needed next. He never seemed to want to listen to your apologies, whatever condolences you used to try and offer him. You stopped giving them after awhile—he seemed almost relieved about it.

His absence wouldn’t have been something that crossed your mind at all if you hadn’t heard other nurses and doctors talking about it in passing. People stopped showing up all the time—you considered yourself lucky if you weren’t there to find out the reason why. If you hadn’t heard the murmurs, you never would have given it another thought. You would have just hoped the best for him, while in the back of your mind knowing it most likely wasn’t the case.

But then you heard them talking about how he’d gotten sent away. You watched the news enough to put it all together. Part of you felt relieved knowing that at least he was one person who wasn’t being sent away from the war in a pine box. Another part of you felt the tightness reappearing in your chest the more you thought about it. You knew what it was like to try and leave the fight. You’d done it of your own volition and you still couldn’t handle being away from the thick of it all. You could scarcely imagine what being pulled away before he was ready would do to someone who seemed to operate the way that Carrillo did.

He faded from your mind eventually, the way that most people tended to when you saw so many of them each day. You had much more present issues to think about. All of Colombia did. The surges of violence had you feeling like your hands would never be clean of blood no matter how hard you scrubbed them, no matter how scalding the water was. More officers than you could try to count or keep track of, dead before they got to you if not shortly after. There was no way to keep up with it. It was a feeling of drowning that you had felt before, one you never wanted to feel again. This time around, though, you at least knew how to tread water—exhausting but vital work.

The days had blurred together so completely that you lost track. You didn’t know how long Carrillo was gone for, but suddenly he was back again. He strode across the hospital floors like he hadn’t even been gone a day. You saw the difference in him, though. Soldiers all reached a point where they get pushed so far that they will either break, or they’ll evolve. You’ve seen the fallout of both those options and it was impossible to say that either one was preferable. But you could tell by the set of Carrillo’s jaw that he wasn’t broken. He was different, but not broken.

He spoke to you like no time at all had passed, so you returned the favor. Right back into old scripts, old routines. He had more jagged edges now where you just had more exhaustion. Maybe when all of this was said and done you’d simply be too tired to do anything but adjust to a quiet, normal life. More wishful thinking.

You felt like you had needed to claw your way out of your shift. The hours just kept slipping on by. Just when it seemed like there was no end in sight, you were told to go home. You didn’t need to be told twice, immediately taking off to get your things so you could grab what precious few hours of sleep that you could manage.

Your car keys were in your hand when you heard the sudden rush of yelling voices and running feet. It would’ve been so easy to pretend you’d missed it all, to slip out the back and cross the lot to your car. Avoiding it was infinitely easier than confronting it and throwing yourself into the middle of it. You knew that. Easier would’ve been such a nice change of pace. And yet you threw your keys back into your locker and headed back out towards the floor.

There was chaos and cussing and men groaning in pain. Immediately it became a game of Tetris trying to organize and find room for everyone, both patients and hospital staff alike. Only so many of you could populate a floor and still do your jobs without tripping over each other.

You were trying to figure out where the hell you were supposed to start when you felt someone’s hand reach out and grab yours. You returned the gesture on instinct, never one to deprive a desperate soldier of a last hint of comfort. However, when you looked down at the person who had grabbed your hand, you couldn’t hide the surprise on your face. You’d never seen the Colonel being anything other than cold and composed—never the one on this end of the equation. You’d definitely never seen him reaching out to anyone for comfort.

When you took in the state of him, you couldn’t help but to wonder if he was just looking to you to confirm what he already knew. No amount of tactical gear in the world would’ve saved him from whatever he’d gone through before he got brought to you. Despite all the blood and the pale look of his face, the grip he had on your hand was surprisingly strong.

All of your usual words got caught in the back of your throat, things you would typically say to provide comfort in moments like this. But it was Colonel Carrillo, a man who wanted nothing to do with being placated. It was better that way for both of you now because the lump at the back of your throat made it impossible for you to say anything at all, comforting or not.

The tighter he tried to hold onto your hand, the more you tried to match his grip. You brought your hand that he wasn’t holding to rest on his shoulder, fingers wrapping over the curve of it. You tried not to pay attention to the blood that seeped from his uniform into the pads of your fingertips. Even as the seconds ticked by, and his grip started to weaken, and tears began to cut the edges of your eyes and his, you didn’t apologize. He didn’t ask for one either. He didn’t ask for anything. He just held your hand until he couldn’t anymore.