#how about we make therapy more accessible how about that huh

[lliaq]

trying to find a trauma informed therapist is harder than trying to catch a fucking unicorn i swear to god

[abrthephantomq]

Soooo....

Turnabout Storyteller.

I had already vaguely known about Uendo having DID due to me not necessarily avoiding spoilers when reading fanfic, but...

I have so many thoughts on this as someone who HAS the disorder they're representing here.

Like, one, I definitely appreciated the way they revealed it -- during a Mood Matrix session. Having multiple sets of feelings and having them switch on and off like that is def a thing. I've/we've experienced that before.

But also -- before that, when Uendo was switching between his "characters" and everyone thought he was just putting on a performance? Yeah, see. They did that really well considering that like -- yes, the way alters hold the body/the face can be really different. They certainly felt like different people, which was really cool to see. I liked the different poses they had because as I played I was like, "Huh... is he the character with DID...? He is, right?"

The thing is, I'm like 80% certain that Uendo is the murderer, and THAT annoys me -- but I'm not done playing through the case, yet. I just started the second half of the trial, so.... I'll comment as I go.

But if I'm right and Uendo IS the murderer, I'm gonna have to roll my eyes because soooo many pieces of media use my disorder to show HEY SOMEONE WITH THIS COULD BE A KILLER AND NOT KNOWWWWW and I hate that. Because like.... no.

OH THANK GOD. Like 3 seconds into the send half of the trial and it's NOT Uendo. Yay. Yayyyyy. I'm actually really glad they did that subversion of the person-with-DID-is-the-killer trope. Thank fucking GOD.

SIMON GRABBING ATHENA when she starts to doubt she can prove Bucky's innocence is just -- fuck. Okay. Yeah, I see why the fandom loves that particular moment. (I love Simon so much omfg).

I am honestly loving this case and I actually really like the way they've presented Uendo -- it's simplified a bit for the sake of the audience, but at the same time, switching DO be like that. And you can certainly be co-conscious and share memory.

Like.... that's legitimately how our System works -- there's usually 2-3 of us up front at any given time, with someone generally more forward, while the other(s) listens / watches. Sometimes others push to the front. And there are 4 of us who more or less have access to the continual life happenings even if we don't always recollect specific details (or what we were feeling) later.

Also Owen being a LITTLE makes so much damn sense? Fuck, idk man, I love it. I kinda adore them.

I really really really got weary when Uendo's diagnosis was revealed because, y'know, the whole oh God pls tell me you're not the murderer even if it was kinda looking like you were.

That fucking balloon girl did it, didn't she? Jesus fucking Christ. I love that, but I also hate that. Also it's so unfair they made this chick so goddamned pretty.

Also man can I also say just how like.... they legitimately refer to Owen as a child, and Kisegawa with Ms., and -- that's actually a nice little piece of the writing here. Like... is it absolutely perfect? No. It's not. But let me tell you -- as someone with this disorder? Writing it and showing it for an audience is hard.

That whole, "everyone is unique" thing applies here -- every System is different. They all develop ways of functioning in order to blend in and protect themselves. Uendo may not have the denial bit that comes with this disorder (do you know how many times I find myself asking if I'm sure I'm not faking this thing? do you??? because like, it's a "rare" disorder, right? and was my trauma REALLY bad enough for me to have alters???? etc) -- but considering the confident way he, Patches, and Kisegawa speak about their experience with the disorder, I would imagine they've been in therapy for it for a while, now.

But also -- the three of them not being aware of Owen? Or denying his existence, at least? Well, they were either protecting him because he's so young, or they legitimately did not know since apparently he may only come forward when the body is drunk.

idk I love that Uendo et al was not the killer. Like so much. Thank FUCK.

Also that was a really fun case even if it was like, not entirely relevant to the overall story happening here in SOJ. I definitely enjoyed it.

[sophieinwonderland]

r/fdc people gonna be shocked when they learned our therapist as part of therapy... taught us, how to have a bit of communication and lesser our amnesia slightly. It's almost like, when you're aware of the system you have the ability to work on it to make it more functional- versus with no awareness being super confusing as to "huh why did I do that- that was so weird I would never do that and I don't remember- eh oh well maybe I was just a little silly goofy"

Additionally there is literally a type of alter or function in DID systems that exists... specifically to act as a memory bank. This is common in polyfragmented DID systems and is why they get confused for OSDD very often. Most pf-DID systems we know including ourselves, originally thought they had OSDD and not DID because they remembered very basic stuff. Turns out we personally do not actually remember a lot- we just have factual knowledge like as if we read a bullet point list.

I just wish people better understood things- and didn't try and convince young disordered systems that their healing and ability to function well and be happy within their own being is impossible. We aren't super far in our healing ourself but we have gotten better- and we have gone from 0 communication to easy communication within subsystems after a few months of work to be able to do so. It may take longer for some others- and there could also be more reasons there's a block- but you will be able to get there eventually. As much as it sucks to be at the early stages- you can be happy you can do well.

Thank you for sharing your experiences!

One of the most dangerous things about a lot of the disinformation from r/systemscringe and r/fakedisordercringe is just how deeply anti-recovery they are.

Fakeclaiming is always bad but these cringe subreddits go even worse by tying aspects of recovery to their fakeclaiming. Communication is integral to lessening dissociative barriers. When those barriers are healed, it makes memories easier to access and share. But denial makes these barriers worse.

What's insidious about these groups is that they poison people's minds in such a way that every step towards recovery triggers denial which in turn sets back recovery, locking victims in a vicious loop.

[cripplecharacters]

Hello! I wanted to ask about a disabled character I’m writing and if this is correct!

My character is around 15 and has chronic pain with his legs (since he was 6), usually it’s not that bad but his friends made up a scale based on how he comes to school. If he walks to school just fine, the pain feels like pins and needles but manageable with painkillers, if he uses a cane, he’s limping most likely and the pain is slightly unbearable, one of his friends will always offer to hold his backpack if he can’t. The worst pain is when he doesn’t come to school at all because his legs can’t move without him crying or they hurt so bad that he needs a wheelchair.

He also goes to physical therapy and it’s talked about pretty casually. Sometimes the character will tackle their friend and the convo kinda goes like this

“Huh?! Weren’t you in therapy?”

“I waaaass!! But we finished early!!”

Like it’s not something that’s hush hush. It’s just part of his life. Sometimes the character does ask for more painkillers than usual though, so his friends are conflicted since they don’t want him gaining an addiction:

Idk if I wrote this character well enough so any tips on how to improve?

Hello, and thanks for your question!

I'm going to address your ask in two parts, the first being the way the character's friends respond to his variance in pain levels.

I think your approach to handling this sounds pretty appropriate for this character. It's natural for our friends to interpret our visible pain signals and respond to them in different ways, especially when we're struggling with mobility. I think having his friends proactively offer to help him without him having to ask or thinking of this as a burden or a favour is a nice way to have them accommodate him, and I like that you're depicting natural variance in pain levels for someone with chronic pain without making people question whether your character is "actually disabled."

Casual reference to physiotherapy is also pretty realistic--it's just a normal part of life for plenty of disabled people and there's no need to make it into a big deal, especially if your character's friends have known him and been aware of his disability for a long time.

The second part I'd like to talk about is where I start to get uncomfortable. This will be a little long, but I'm hoping the clarity will be helpful not just to you but to others who may have considered similar elements in their own writing as well.

You mention that when your character requests more painkillers, his friends are concerned about him becoming addicted to them. Firstly, I have a few logistical questions about this. It's unclear to me from your description who exactly is dispensing his medication, since you mention he is specifically asking for a higher dose. Why are others dispensing his medication for him? What happens when he's alone and needs medication? If these are controlled substances, how do they have access to collect it for him? Or is he asking his doctor(s) for a higher prescription dosage, and his friends are uncomfortable with that?

The fear that he will become addicted to his painkillers is an element that I would strongly recommend scrapping entirely. There is immense stigma towards disabled people who rely on painkillers. Countless disabled people are denied medication by medical professionals who label us "drug-seeking" and think it's worse for us to take medication than to be in debilitating pain, or argue that we're seeking the painkillers in the first place "to fuel an addiction" rather than for their intended purpose... which is to manage pain. This attitude has had disastrous consequences for many disabled people who have been denied access to or forced off of their medication by doctors.

Reliance on painkillers to live a happy, functional life is really not as big a deal as most abled people make it out to be. It's hard enough just for us to get our painkiller prescriptions in the first place if we need anything stronger than your average over-the-counter medication. Remember that we take painkillers because the alternative is often physically and psychologically unbearable; judgment from our abled loves one on this front is neither helpful nor appropriate.

To be frank (and this not directed at you but rather at society as a whole), it really bothers me that many abled people worry more about addiction than us spending our lives in real, immediate and severe pain. It also further stigmatizes people with addictions by framing "becoming an addict" as the worst possible outcome for someone. They deserve empathy and support rather than being shamed and dehumanized, and I don't think they should be pitted against disabled people as though their needs are any less legitimate or important than ours.

Overall, I think you're on the right track with the way your character's friends respond to his needs in a practical way, but I'd suggest either removing their concern about his medication entirely, or reframing their concern to be about something else. For example, they might be concerned about the degree of pain that he's in and whether it means his disability is progressing, etc. I don't think his friends should be commenting on his medication use at all, and especially not actively denying him access to his medication.

Other disabled people feel free to add your thoughts!

-Mod Faelan

[shoceted]

listening to the mach drama cd did irreversible things to my psyche my god . this is just a bunch of reactions and gou ramblings bc its 7am and i am insane about him and not in like a way that is healthy for anyone and i have not had access to my adhd medication in a week

first off. the english subs i found did NOT DO GOU'S INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA JUSTICE (he specifically mentions that their date is weird because it's two men and calls the ice cream they got "girly" gou!!! bestie!!!!!! you like men!!!!!!!!!!) so like, let's jot that down, even though he speedruns getting over it (thank you hypnos and chase) which is also??? so gou somehow. "the fuck do you mean i'm gay. okay fine i'm gay" he is so ??? the character ever.

and also dream!chase calls himself "the chase [gou] desire[s]" which... gay... again... and also translating イチャイチャ here as flirting makes perfect sense but it can also mean making out HE WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH THE ROBOT BOILS AND GHOULS. and the last thing i want to mention translation-wise is that gou is like "he always admired humans... and yet i said those horrid things to him" not just that he's an idiot (even though he is) and that he wants to make chase smile and cry and eat and drink with all his might I HATE HIM ACTUALLY

the fact that in gou's dream he reunites with chase at the parking garage because of course he does. not even gonna unpack that today but my god this boy carries so much self-loathing and regret inside him. he hates himself so much huh!!! go to therapy!!!!! get prescribed a stimulant im BEGGING BEGGING YOUUU

and also the way gou talks about chase drives me insane. again i feel like the subs i found didn't do justice because he's like "the chase i know so well" and if you follow my twitter for not-fic stuff you know how much i go insane about "the tycoon i know" from geats (or... went insane... different world we live in now) so that's one thing!!

and my god gou has HAD FEELINGS FOR CHASE AS EARLY AS CHASE SAYING HE'S IN LOVE WITH KIRIKO AT LEEEEEEAST his reaction to that being partially fueled by jealousy??? hello??????? recontextualizes everything and makes it all hurt more!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!! like if my first chasegou draft has to do with that scene (パニックた huh bestie) CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR IT.

i don't even know if i ship chasegou like that tbh (chase deserves a lot better but i think gou knows that too) but i'm always a weak bitch for gay characters fueled by self loathing, being one of those myself, and gou hits the boxes so well... i can't... i need to lie down

[cevansbaby-dove]

I know the whole truth behind the CE and AB PR relationship. He's found the love of his life in a Brazilian woman, but Megan won't let them be together and deceived him into believing he needed a public relations relationship to get more visibility. But the truth is that she (Meg) used it to distance the Brazilian from him and prevent the two from meeting.

They chatted via whatsapp and the agent started to speak in his place, pretending to be him in order to hurt the Brazilian girl, even asking for money so that she could meet him. She thinks she achieved her goal and the Brazilian didn't notice, but the girl understood everything. I have evidence

He met the Brazilian in the most unusual way possible, she sent him a letter in the mail in 2020. They started talking since then, but there was always someone to get in the way. It’s not the first time that the two, she and Chris, have been deceived. An assistant of his also pretended to be him in the past to hurt her feelings. She discovered the truth and managed to show it to him. But now it happened again and she can't access him anymore. They have such a beautiful, pure and true love. They are soulmates! She loves trees and the sky, sent him a letter in a purple envelope, she's brunette, almost his age, she told him her favorite Italian composer...

I need to hide her identity out of respect for her privacy, but this is proof:

Brazilians are good at fighting, huh?! She is fierce! Lol

[21/12, 12:36] she: Christopher, I've tried to give you up, but I can't. I can't forget you, I can't stop thinking about you. I love you, I miss you so much. Come stick with me. You promised me to spend Christmas with me. Come please.

Summer has already arrived, I'm beautiful and hot with a bikini mark. The beach calls you. 😊 Come so we can talk, look each other in the eye and see what happens. Let's have fun and love each other.

[21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: Honey you block me because of money

[21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: You and mummy

[21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: You don't make the payment for us to meet why

[21/12, 12:41] Chris Evans: I told you make the payment so we can meet together

[21/12, 12:45] she: oh lord I was thinking he was already here. But it's still you, dog!

[21/12, 12:46] Chris Evans: You call me a dog?

[21/12, 12:48] she: Yeah, that's just who you are, pau mandado

[21/12, 12:49] Chris Evans: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[21/12, 12:52] she: Satanás , é você?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[21/12, 12:54] Chris Evans: Honey why are you doing this to me honey

[21/12, 12:55] she: Just send him my message, okay

[21/12, 13:19] she: Do you work for Megan, right?

[21/12, 13:21] she: We have a saying here in my country: I am Brazilian and I never give up! So let her know I won't give up on him, e.v.e.r.

[21/12, 14:46] Chris Evans: Who are you talking about honey

[21/12, 15:00] she: 1. You are the dog

2. Send my message to Chris, okay, dog?!

3. You can show Megan too

[21/12, 15:01] Chris Evans: I don't understand you

[21/12, 15:01] Chris Evans: What do you mean

[21/12, 15:05] she: Just do what I told you, pau mandado

[21/12, 15:05] Chris Evans: Pick my call

[21/12, 15:06] she: No. I don't use to talk to dogs

[21/12, 15:06] Chris Evans: Who is the dog 🐕

[21/12, 15:19] she: Did Megan like my voice?

[21/12, 17:54] Chris Evans: Honey

[21/12, 17:54] Chris Evans: Honey

[21/12, 17:57] she: Yes, Megan

[21/12, 18:05] Chris Evans: What are you doing me this

[21/12, 18:06] she: What are you doing me this

[21/12, 18:11] she: Why you don't like me?  What right do you have to rule his life?

[21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Honey you have to know I love you too

[21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Please

[21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Come back to me okay

[21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: I don't like this way your giving me honey

[21/12, 18:19] she: You really don't know the truth, do you? Ask Megan. Oh no she won't tell because she is very bitter and will never say how jealous she is. Does she do therapy?! It's a very good thing to do

[21/12, 18:34] Chris Evans: You mean I should send your number to Chris Evans right

[21/12, 18:36] she: Oh, now you know?!

[21/12, 18:42] Chris Evans: Okay send your email

[21/12, 18:43] she: Aeeeeee kkkkkkk, idiota 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 thanks

[21/12, 18:52] she: No need, no, he already has

[21/12, 18:54] Chris Evans: Honey what is going on

[21/12, 18:54] Chris Evans: Who are you talking about

[21/12, 19:02] she: Are you afraid? Tell Megan I don't bite. You know, I'm praying for her all the time. Maybe she can be a good person

[21/12, 19:25] Chris Evans: I don't understand

[21/12, 20:02] she: bye

I don't understand this, @guardthatpantene @hereforthelaughsnottheinsanity Can you decode this?

[wrongydkjquotes]

Wrote another thing

The sequel to BinjPowered is here!

Fic text under the cut

"So, by green lantern shit, you mean, like, summoning holographic constructs?" Buzz asked Cookie as the five fucks sat in the office together, eating some leftover Chinese food that had frankly seen better days. "Gee, between that and the whole mindfuck psychonaut power set, I'm surprised the federal government isn't trying to experiment on your ass right now."

"Well, they aren't. Because this is not a fucking comic book."

Buzz's tone quickly did a 180 in response. "Uh...heard you and Nate are teaming up to do April fools stuff. How's that coming along?"

"Oh, it's going amazing." Nate smirked. "We've got a whole 5 step plan and everything! It's gonna be fucking awesome!!!!"

"Easy, tiger." Cookie rolled his eyes. "If you spoil too much, they're going to blab about it."

"Not true," Schmitty retorted.

"Easy for you to say, pants boy." Guy laughed.

"Shut up." He turned to Cookie. "I told you not to fucking post that-"

"I mean, come on, you gotta admit that shit was hilarious. Surprised you didn't say 'Here, take my pants with you for luck!'"

"How about I take your eye out for luck? Huh?" Schmitty raised a fist.

"Sheesh, ok." Guy raised his hands as he got up from his chair. "Can't a Guy make a tease in peace?"

"Nobody found that joke funny!" An intern chimed in from the other room, to which Guy awkwardly rubbed his shoulder while grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"That's because they aren't receptive to good fucking comedy!" Guy yelled back as he opened the can and guzzled it down.

Nate dusted his hands. "Welp. Love to chat more, really, but its time to do our thing." He smirked as Cookie used his newfound telekinesis to grab another beer can from the fridge. "You've got my flash drive?"

"Locked and loaded." Cookie pulled the flash drive out of his pocket, taking a quick sip of his beer while doing so, before dramatically slamming the beer on the table. "Let's do this."

"Locked and loaded, huh. Just what he likes a man." Schmitty snorted. Nate could only glare back at the Hawaiian shirt-wearing guy as the two left the break room.

***

"Ok..." Cookie sighed as they walked down the hall. "So...let me get the straight. The plan is to hack into the meeting Zoom feed and mindfuck a bunch of interns to do shit, then put it on camera for your stupid Youtube channel."

"Not how I'd put it, but yeah, that's basically it." Nate sighed. "If you don't like it-"

"No, no, I do." Cookie reassured. "But if Helen finds out-"

"You can reset people, dude. It'll be like it never happened."

"But if Helen found out I reset her...she's gonna be even more pissed." Cookie awkwardly looked away. "Quite honestly, Helen's had it rough. She's the only thing stopping me from going full-on anime revenge-seeking supervillain right now."

"That and therapy!"

Silence.

"....You haven't been going to those appointments."

"..."

"The therapy sessions I scheduled for you."

"...I got busy?"

"Oh my god, you're such an idiot." Nate facepalmed. "Whatever. We'll talk later." He motioned over to an unmarked locked door. "Here's the spot."

"Right." Cookie's eyes glowed a brilliant bright pink as a small house key formed in his hand. Despite its more fitting shape for a home rather than an office, it fit into the door perfectly, and soon, they found themselves inside walls and walls of computers and server-machines.

"What now?"

"Hand me the flash drive, and I'll get you access to the smartboard feeds in every meeting room in this place. Then...." His voice turned sly. "...we'll do what we rehearsed."

"Hell yeah, man." Cookie couldn't help but snicker as he handed Nate the flash drive, and he began to turn on the computers. "Thanks for setting this up."

"Hey, you owed me one."

"True..." Cookie couldn't help but squee. "Either way, this shits gonna be good!"

***

"And next up in our agenda, any thoughts about the big Pack 10 sequel? We were thinking a You Don't Know Jack sequel, but quite honestly, the fans have been demanding Trivia Murder Party 3 for awhile now, and we already have Fibbage 4 to tie them-" Mavis spoke to an audience of Kim, Donny, and a couple of interns, only to be interrupt with the slides abruptly changing to a Zoom camera feed of Cookie. His smile was clearly smug as he rested his chin on the backs of his hands.

"Hello, staff members of the YDKJ community. If you're watching this, I have a mandatory message for you all. So, uh, if you could all listen to me real quick? That's an order by the way."

In the various zoom windows, a sudden flash of pink across the eyes of every staff member in the room confirmed that they were.

"Good. Now, uh, you've all got embarrassing moments in your lives, I'm sure. Ones that might have happened in this very office, perhaps?" The crowd nodded, their gazes distant. "Good. You're probably picturing them right now if that 'pink elephant paradox' Nate told me was correct or whatever. Anyway, good news! You're all in those very moments you're thinking about, right now! And you're trapped in them until I say you're free. Why? Because I'm the motherfucking boss! Cookie out!" He logged off the zoom meeting.

And everyone immediately began to panic. Mavis rambled on about forgetting to wear a bra this morning, covering her chest instinctively. Kim began flopping around the floor like a fish, panicking that someone discovered her secret mermaid form. Donny grabbed a random book in a vain effort to remember a more fancy word for cucumber.

And Cookie couldn't help but burst into laughter upon seeing that chaos.

***

"Now what?" Cookie shrugged as he glanced at the chaos on the security feeds.

"We just sit back and watch the chaos, then tell them to stop once things get too out of hand." Nate smirked back, only to notice Cookie's concern. "Don't worry, I'll take the blame if Helen somehow wasn't affected by this. What could go wrong?!?"

***

"Buzz, my dear, sweet, cousin, why didn't you fucking tell me Redacted's most embarrassing moment was setting the entire fucking break room on fire?" A few minutes later, the entire office found themselves outside, the fire truck sirens blaring so loud that they almost made Buzz's call inaudible.

Almost.

"You didn't fucking ask!!!!"

"Well, I figured when I said to check on every staff member doing meetings, you would've checked every staff-"

"He peaked in, Nate. I have no fucking control of when people peak in."

"Oh." Nate's forced smile turned into more of a grimace. "Well...shit."

"Yeah. Helen wants to talk to y'all, by the way. Have fun." Buzz snarked.

"We will." Was Nate's reply as he ended call, before turning to Cookie. "Fuck...we're going to be in trouble for this, aren't we."

"Yeah...." Cookie trailed off. "...I'm not going to do the mindfuck on her, before you-"

"I get that." Nate quickly replied.

"Glad you do." Cookie awkwardly looked away. "...I should really go to therapy, huh."

"Yeah, probably!" Schmitty yelled in the background, his snark cutting through Cookie like a knife.

"SHUT UP!"

[jellybeans-and-gay-memes]

🌈 Hello there, our amazing jellies!! 🌈

Just realized we haven't formally introduced ourselves!! On our own blog of all places, how un-fitting, huh?

🌈 We go by "Jelly", "Jellybean", or "Jellybeans". We kindly ask you to use they/them pronouns for us!!

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🌈 We are a traumagenic system and collectively post things to this blog!

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🌈 This blog is pretty all over the place, but we mainly re-blog things we find helpful, important, or interesting!

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We have sporadic intervals of energy, and it is difficult for us to type things without the motivation (most of our posts we write while hyperfocusing on typing, and forget to drink water or move from where we are for as long as it takes to write..). It would be greatly appreciated if anyone would be able to/want to provide image descriptions/alt text for acceptability!!

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[barneswilsonrogers]

I know the whole truth behind the CE and AB PR relationship. He's found the love of his life in a Brazilian woman, but Megan won't let them be together and deceived him into believing he needed a public relations relationship to get more visibility. But the truth is that she (Meg) used it to distance the Brazilian from him and prevent the two from meeting.

They chatted via whatsapp and the agent started to speak in his place, pretending to be him in order to hurt the Brazilian girl, even asking for money so that she could meet him. She thinks she achieved her goal and the Brazilian didn't notice, but the girl understood everything. I have evidence

He met the Brazilian in the most unusual way possible, she sent him a letter in the mail in 2020. They started talking since then, but there was always someone to get in the way. It’s not the first time that the two, she and Chris, have been deceived. An assistant of his also pretended to be him in the past to hurt her feelings. She discovered the truth and managed to show it to him. But now it happened again and she can't access him anymore. They have such a beautiful, pure and true love. They are soulmates! She loves trees and the sky, sent him a letter in a purple envelope, she's brunette, almost his age, she told him her favorite Italian composer...

I need to hide her identity out of respect for her privacy, but this is proof:

Brazilians are good at fighting, huh?! She is fierce! Lol

[21/12, 12:36] she: Christopher, I've tried to give you up, but I can't. I can't forget you, I can't stop thinking about you. I love you, I miss you so much. Come stick with me. You promised me to spend Christmas with me. Come please.

Summer has already arrived, I'm beautiful and hot with a bikini mark. The beach calls you. 😊 Come so we can talk, look each other in the eye and see what happens. Let's have fun and love each other.

[21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: Honey you block me because of money

[21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: You and mummy

[21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: You don't make the payment for us to meet why

[21/12, 12:41] Chris Evans: I told you make the payment so we can meet together

[21/12, 12:45] she: oh lord I was thinking he was already here. But it's still you, dog!

[21/12, 12:46] Chris Evans: You call me a dog?

[21/12, 12:48] she: Yeah, that's just who you are, pau mandado

[21/12, 12:49] Chris Evans: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[21/12, 12:52] she: Satanás , é você?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[21/12, 12:54] Chris Evans: Honey why are you doing this to me honey

[21/12, 12:55] she: Just send him my message, okay

[21/12, 13:19] she: Do you work for Megan, right?

[21/12, 13:21] she: We have a saying here in my country: I am Brazilian and I never give up! So let her know I won't give up on him, e.v.e.r.

[21/12, 14:46] Chris Evans: Who are you talking about honey

[21/12, 15:00] she: 1. You are the dog

2. Send my message to Chris, okay, dog?!

3. You can show Megan too

[21/12, 15:01] Chris Evans: I don't understand you

[21/12, 15:01] Chris Evans: What do you mean

[21/12, 15:05] she: Just do what I told you, pau mandado

[21/12, 15:05] Chris Evans: Pick my call

[21/12, 15:06] she: No. I don't use to talk to dogs

[21/12, 15:06] Chris Evans: Who is the dog 🐕

[21/12, 15:19] she: Did Megan like my voice?

[21/12, 17:54] Chris Evans: Honey

[21/12, 17:54] Chris Evans: Honey

[21/12, 17:57] she: Yes, Megan

[21/12, 18:05] Chris Evans: What are you doing me this

[21/12, 18:06] she: What are you doing me this

[21/12, 18:11] she: Why you don't like me?  What right do you have to rule his life?

[21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Honey you have to know I love you too

[21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Please

[21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Come back to me okay

[21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: I don't like this way your giving me honey

[21/12, 18:19] she: You really don't know the truth, do you? Ask Megan. Oh no she won't tell because she is very bitter and will never say how jealous she is. Does she do therapy?! It's a very good thing to do

[21/12, 18:34] Chris Evans: You mean I should send your number to Chris Evans right

[21/12, 18:36] she: Oh, now you know?!

[21/12, 18:42] Chris Evans: Okay send your email

[21/12, 18:43] she: Aeeeeee kkkkkkk, idiota 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 thanks

[21/12, 18:52] she: No need, no, he already has

[21/12, 18:54] Chris Evans: Honey what is going on

[21/12, 18:54] Chris Evans: Who are you talking about

[21/12, 19:02] she: Are you afraid? Tell Megan I don't bite. You know, I'm praying for her all the time. Maybe she can be a good person

[21/12, 19:25] Chris Evans: I don't understand

[21/12, 20:02] she: bye

This is the wildest thing i've ever read on tumblr and given that I've been here for years, that says A LOT

[chrisevansdaughter]

I know the whole truth behind the CE and AB PR relationship. He's found the love of his life in a Brazilian woman, but Megan won't let them be together and deceived him into believing he needed a public relations relationship to get more visibility. But the truth is that she (Meg) used it to distance the Brazilian from him and prevent the two from meeting.

They chatted via whatsapp and the agent started to speak in his place, pretending to be him in order to hurt the Brazilian girl, even asking for money so that she could meet him. She thinks she achieved her goal and the Brazilian didn't notice, but the girl understood everything. I have evidence

He met the Brazilian in the most unusual way possible, she sent him a letter in the mail in 2020. They started talking since then, but there was always someone to get in the way. It’s not the first time that the two, she and Chris, have been deceived. An assistant of his also pretended to be him in the past to hurt her feelings. She discovered the truth and managed to show it to him. But now it happened again and she can't access him anymore. They have such a beautiful, pure and true love. They are soulmates! She loves trees and the sky, sent him a letter in a purple envelope, she's brunette, almost his age, she told him her favorite Italian composer...

I need to hide her identity out of respect for her privacy, but this is proof:

Brazilians are good at fighting, huh?! She is fierce! Lol

[21/12, 12:36] she: Christopher, I've tried to give you up, but I can't. I can't forget you, I can't stop thinking about you. I love you, I miss you so much. Come stick with me. You promised me to spend Christmas with me. Come please.

Summer has already arrived, I'm beautiful and hot with a bikini mark. The beach calls you. 😊 Come so we can talk, look each other in the eye and see what happens. Let's have fun and love each other. [21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: Honey you block me because of money [21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: You and mummy [21/12, 12:40] Chris Evans: You don't make the payment for us to meet why [21/12, 12:41] Chris Evans: I told you make the payment so we can meet together [21/12, 12:45] she: oh lord I was thinking he was already here. But it's still you, dog! [21/12, 12:46] Chris Evans: You call me a dog? [21/12, 12:48] she: Yeah, that's just who you are, pau mandado [21/12, 12:49] Chris Evans: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 [21/12, 12:52] she: Satanás , é você?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 [21/12, 12:54] Chris Evans: Honey why are you doing this to me honey [21/12, 12:55] she: Just send him my message, okay [21/12, 13:19] she: Do you work for Megan, right? [21/12, 13:21] she: We have a saying here in my country: I am Brazilian and I never give up! So let her know I won't give up on him, e.v.e.r. [21/12, 14:46] Chris Evans: Who are you talking about honey [21/12, 15:00] she: 1. You are the dog

Send my message to Chris, okay, dog?!

You can show Megan too [21/12, 15:01] Chris Evans: I don't understand you [21/12, 15:01] Chris Evans: What do you mean [21/12, 15:05] she: Just do what I told you, pau mandado [21/12, 15:05] Chris Evans: Pick my call [21/12, 15:06] she: No. I don't use to talk to dogs [21/12, 15:06] Chris Evans: Who is the dog 🐕 [21/12, 15:19] she: Did Megan like my voice? [21/12, 17:54] Chris Evans: Honey [21/12, 17:54] Chris Evans: Honey [21/12, 17:57] she: Yes, Megan [21/12, 18:05] Chris Evans: What are you doing me this [21/12, 18:06] she: What are you doing me this [21/12, 18:11] she: Why you don't like me? What right do you have to rule his life? [21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Honey you have to know I love you too [21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Please [21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: Come back to me okay [21/12, 18:15] Chris Evans: I don't like this way your giving me honey [21/12, 18:19] she: You really don't know the truth, do you? Ask Megan. Oh no she won't tell because she is very bitter and will never say how jealous she is. Does she do therapy?! It's a very good thing to do [21/12, 18:34] Chris Evans: You mean I should send your number to Chris Evans right [21/12, 18:36] she: Oh, now you know?! [21/12, 18:42] Chris Evans: Okay send your email [21/12, 18:43] she: Aeeeeee kkkkkkk, idiota 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 thanks [21/12, 18:52] she: No need, no, he already has [21/12, 18:54] Chris Evans: Honey what is going on [21/12, 18:54] Chris Evans: Who are you talking about [21/12, 19:02] she: Are you afraid? Tell Megan I don't bite. You know, I'm praying for her all the time. Maybe she can be a good person [21/12, 19:25] Chris Evans: I don't understand [21/12, 20:02] she: bye

I mean I’m not gonna voice my opinion on it because it’s not my life so, this is welcomed but I don’t really get the point of your ask anon

[carolineasweet-blog]

I guess it’s an old family thing

It's a generational thing, I suppose. The very ‘don't ask, don't tell of it all’... Generational, for my parents, passed down from their parents. Generational - or snobby white upper class from my father's side, and perhaps as a means of protection on my mother's.  I used to be grateful for our unspoken, ‘don't ask, don't tell policy’.  In my journal in elementary school, I wrote “my mom is my best friend, because I can just be with her and laugh. She doesn't make me tell her anything.” I found it so strange when other girls would tell their mothers about their crushes and first kisses. They’re moms, not friends. As I was leaving my childhood home and packing for college, my mom and I went through an old closet that I rarely opened. It was hidden behind my head board. And as we moved my bed to access the creaky old door, a condom wrapper revealed itself far underneath my bed, previously forgotten about. My mom proceeded toward the tiny closet door, pretending not to see it though I knew both our eyes had darted toward it. As someone who, thankfully, never received the sex talk from her, I was happy to go along with the ruse, pretending it didn't exist. 

I was so grateful not to talk about any of my emotions with my parents. Grateful that we could speak abstractly and realistically, but not about the relationships between us or others. We would discuss politics, religion, deep topics, but nothing personal to us. Oh no. Never! But now that I've aged, now that they've aged, there's nothing I want more than to know how they felt about things. I want to ask, ‘How did you know you wanted to marry each other? What times did you think about divorce? Have you ever been close to cheating? Have you cheated? Did you love your parents? How hard was it to watch them age? Were you close during that time? And for my mom, what was it like when your mother died? How did it feel? How do you recover?’

I want to know the truth, not a watered down version of it. I imagine they’ve thought about cheating, I know they’ve thought about divorce, and I know they weren’t close to their parents, but I’d imagine they wanted to be. I want to hear it - from them. 

I've even asked most of these questions and been met with either blank stares or ‘Huh… I don't know.’ Maybe a reflection of an aged mind or poor memory, but I fear it's mostly because they didn't feel it at the time. They didn't think about it, or reflect upon it, so how could it ever commit to memory. I've been like that in my life, I know I have. I've been a frog in a boiling pot of water. It's why I go to therapy, so I can break that cycle. And when I suggested my parents do the same, my dad is open to it but only to address his concerns over my mom's mind (heaven forbid he cop to anything himself), and my mom just says, ‘I tried that once, and she was an idiot.’ No one will ever be like her first therapist, Fran, whom she loved and went to for maybe one solid year 20 years ago. “It's like dating,” I tell my mom, “just keep trying”. She says she will, just like she said she's made an appointment with the doctor to do an Alzheimer's test. We all know she'll do neither. 

Every day, the same. My mother wakes up, stays in bed for a while, makes her tea, reads, walks the dog, then maybe goes to the YMCA, Jeopardy, dinner, Law & Order, bed. My dad gets up at five am, coffee, iPad news, nap, coffee, watch a movie, CNN, nap, meal prep, TV again, more news, dinner, TV, bed.  Day in, day out. They used to be a part of groups and activities, they called it the ‘new in town’ gatherings. Part of the problem, I know, is that Covid hit a year after they moved to a new city, their retirement city, something I think they regret, but how can I get them to see they can go out now and meet people? I can see the same habits forming in myself, the same ease with which we form a daily routine and stick to it, because the effort of starting something new is exhausting, at best, and anxiety producing at worst. 

And what is there to do anyway? Go out to eat? I work that in when the budget allows, as do they. Drink? Sure, but that derails my whole week in a way that makes me mad at myself and doesn't feel nice. My dad’s stopped drinking since his heart surgery, and my mom drinks a bottle of wine nearly every night while at home watching TV (another issue for another day). So what is there for any of us to do? 

My mom texted me this afternoon: “What's going on in your life?” The truth is nothing. And even if something were, the details would require so much back story, details that we've never shared before, so what's the point in starting now? How does one have an adult child to an aging parent relationship? What can we even talk about if feelings are so clearly off the table? I love my parents, both of them, and as far as I'm concerned, I accept them for who they are. I let it lie. It’s too painful not to. At this point, they've earned their stripes, and who am I to try to change them? Especially since I am a mix of both of them. The ‘better parts of both of them’, as my generous therapist points out. But with feelings, of course. And the occasional overshare. Don't ask, don't tell? Not in this house. Generational curse broken.

[selphplusplus]

When you have to stay quiet. Zero dark, 30.

Ok but how you gonna say anything? Lmao.

Without admitting to being a damn spying motherfucker?

lol Leviticus

Shotguns and the indigenous Greenery

Now we get biblical.

Not in the Jesus kind of way

But in the old testament to Ash, leave them where they lay

Sodom and Gomorrah siren song

Where a lot looked back and saw the salt

His wife fall as the tears from his face. The salt was the same.

We’re talking 10 Commandments

Or 10 Command lines.

Airgas, in a flood, a torrent

A dark, dark, dark dark net torrent

Of information, flooding a particular access point

Filling the entire spectrum

With the seven seals

The seven trumpets

And the four horsemen

All set up

Bitch you know what I’m talking about

Stomp those feet baby stomp.

I can hear it from here

It’s funny that way

It’s very funny that way, because I understand what stemming is, as I am the same in that regard the differences

Let me channel a little Eminem

We can start with the Penis (mine is bigger by exponential amounts)

Then we can scream I don’t give a fuck and see, who really means it

When my balls hit the floor concrete cracks

When your balls come out, everybody laughs.

“See what he’s writing. “

🤏🏻👆🏻

Echoes of your own paranoia

Because you’re watching in real time.

Let’s let the rest of the world in on the Truman show huh?

You too loud.

Damn. Passive aggressive bullshit really.

Underground like a land mind.

Boom 💥

And you thought it was cool to ruin a friendship over all this. Without coming to me first. Just took actions into your own hands. Shit. Acting a lot like that person you in therapy over.

Oh. Oh? I don’t play fair.

You wanna pass judgment what you’re doing is infinitely morally worse than an addiction. You are driven by pure ego. Control freak behavior. Familiar. Hmm.

We can both break if we gonna walk down this bridge. Mutually assured destruction.

You don’t ever even see me. Ffs

And you know only the shit you’ve been spying on. Scum. Disgusting. All talk like you what to have a discussion but instead not a word. Just sideways roundabout shit. Judgmental glances. Never a “are you okay”.

So how you justify this? Peering into someone’s deepest and most intimate thoughts without their consent. No better than a rapist. The invasion is the same. And we both know mental wounds are much harder to heal.

Trust huh? Never had it with you it seems.

火にいきるのが死ねよ

That also explains the nonchalant attitude of my brother. Shit gets clearer and clearer. Say what you gotta say.

Ruin. Chaos for chaos sake. Bored and unfulfilled. So let’s start drama huh? Adopt 1000 mental disorders. Find a new identity. Make the ones around you enemies. When they care about you.

A master in self sabotage can easily recognize another. Queue up the blue October lyrics. Suicidal hate. Retarded disfigured clown, too much make up, it’s a lie how you act. But always always on stage. Histrionic. Borderline. Narcissist. Pick your flavor of the week.

Add in a little gasoline the self destructive kind, it’s become a part of your personality, only unlike Plath who phoenix flame rose to devour the ones around without recourse, indiscriminately burning

The world to a wasteland.

You are the self-immolating monk selling snake oil. You crave the camera but can’t light the match. Crave the attention but shy away from the flash. Talking a lot about smoke, but ecig when it counts.

PS,

How you like hearing your moms cheeks get clapped? Do I need to drop the pictures too. I think it’s easier to tell the truth.

Foiling your Deux

Fall out Boy Edition

Love from the other side, fuck it why not

Let’s go there, more like love from the afterlife

Apocalypse got the better of the whole damn nuclear family.

But the atom hurts the worst when the fission breaks away the til heat death do these bonds we break.

Bloodsport what too light a phrase

The hysteric craze

The blame laid

On a mantle too small and cluttered to hold another candle.

But you expect it to handle your wild fires , just as unpredictable,

I apologize in advance for the collateral damaged goods.

Baggage claim

This is the captain from the Malaysian plane.

And sugar it’s going down.

Loaded pistol grip pump when I cock my pen and pull it.

Not leaving this bed, hospice said

Sick in the head, in other words

I’m as ill as it gets.

Dance dance to the sound of beat down

Bitch this that friction in my genes that the original was talking about.

Only there’s no wish to be it.

Infact I prefer to just cackle and laugh

As the plane crash smashed what’s still intact of your sanity.

More vanity today.

Looking in mirrors and hate what you see

The bitch in reflections,

Welcome to the symphony

You called to strike up the band

But when the bass dropped and you had to with your thoughts

The thot in the mirror even saw what a raw deal they got.

So now you’re invisible, she ran away

At the thought of being you one more day.

Sorry prematurely I gotta cut it short and have to end it.

I mentioned earlier, there’s something else that needs writ and imma pin it.

They say the tribulation begins with a wailing and a gnashing of teeth. Bruxism keeps pace, there will be no teeth to gnash. Just dust and gums.

I will show you something different than your shadow at dawn weighing heavy behind you. Or your twilight wick at wax’s end. I will show you your traditions are naught but fear in a handful of dust.

The vessel, no the chalice bears no water.

Still we’ve yet passed the Thames

Or Styx or Lethe.

Yet all the same

April still to come, remains the cruelest month. So rudely forced.

“But what will people say?”

Zeus to Persephone.

So rudely forced.

The stork brings only deserts.

The San Pedro songs in fever dreams

We’re just so. Dreams.

Shattered like the mirror, like you. Like me.

I think it’s the similarities you resent.

Surrogate for the self.

Sterilize.

Better than euthanize.

Better than non-alive.

Because when you live the suffering is extended.

Saint de Sade. Patron Saint of Masochists and self flagellation.

Leviticus

Shotguns and the indigenous Greenery

Now we get biblical.

Not in the Jesus kind of way

But in the old testament to Ash, leave them where they lay

Sodom and Gomorrah siren song

Where a lot looked back and saw the salt

His wife fall as the tears from his face. The salt was the same.

We’re talking 10 Commandments

Or 10 Command lines.

Airgas, in a flood, a torrent

A dark, dark, dark dark net torrent

Of information, flooding a particular access point

Filling the entire spectrum

With the seven seals

The seven trumpets

And the four horsemen

All set up

Bitch you know what I’m talking about

Stomp those feet baby stomp.

I can hear it from here

It’s funny that way

It’s very funny that way, because I understand what stemming is, as I am the same in that regard the differences

Let me channel a little Eminem

We can start with the Penis (mine is bigger by exponential amounts)

Then we can scream I don’t give a fuck and see, who really means it

When my balls hit the floor concrete cracks

When your balls come out, everybody laughs.

[frogtanii]

these transcripts are protected by doctor-client privilege and hippa laws and should only be accessed by the verified person(s). please call xxx-xxxx if you are in fear of those laws being violated.

—————————————————��——————

[dr otsuaka]: hello, [redacted]! it’s so great to hear from you again! last we met, things were on track with your recovery — has that changed at all?

[patient 86]: clears throat um, not really. things are weird, that’s all.

[dr o]: weird how?

[86]: ...

[dr o]: does this have something to do with your roommate, [redacted]?

[86]: nods

[dr o]: does this also deal with you working through your feelings for her?

[86]: she... she doesn’t like me like that. i’m not like... like [redacted].

[dr o]: now, what did we say about negative self talk and comparisons to others?

[86]: ...not to do it.

[dr o]: i know it isn’t easy but you are not [redacted] or [redacted] for a reason. you are you and that doesn’t make you less than! it just makes you different.

[86]: smiles ... she said something like that to me once.

[dr o]: she sounds like a smart girl. you should listen to her.

[86]: ...yeah.

————————————————————————

[patient 12]: —and then she just, punches the air, wham! and it was so intense and i’m pretty sure i’ve never been more turned on in my life because, god doc you should’ve seen her. i know you’re like 50 and gay but.. damn.

[doctor fujiwara]: laughs you are quite the character [redacted].

[12]: i try.

[dr f]: well, it seems as though this girl has become quite the fixture in your life.

[12]: i mean.. yeah. she saved me.

[dr f]: hm... don’t you think you are.. idolizing her a bit? placing her on an unattainable pedestal which sets her up for failure in your eyes? you’ve placed quite a bit of weight on [redacted].

[12]: ... no, no she’s helped me through so much but i don’t, she’s not my idol or anything.

[dr f]: are you sure? you place much of the credit for your recovery on her. is that fair to her, to feel entirely responsible for your health and well-being?

[12]: ...

[dr f]: just think about it, hm? now, tell me again about this ferret you were thinking of purchasing?

————————————————————————

[dr otsuaka]: ... and how did that make you feel?

[patient 88]: ... you couldn’t sound more cliche if you tried.

[dr o]: laughs nothing gets quite past you [redacted].

[88]: you say that as though it is a bad thing.

[dr o]: trust me it isn’t. but on that note, tell me some things you’ve observed this week.

[88]: ...she isn’t eating as much. i think the stress is getting to her.

[dr o]: is it not getting to you as well?

[88]: ...it isn’t about me.

[dr o]: this is your therapy session [redacted], it quite literally is about you. ...have you been neglecting yourself in favor of taking care of her?

[88]: we’re drifting and i do not want to lose her. she has [redacted] and it doesn’t seem like... like she has use of me anymore.

[dr o]: [redacted]... you are not an object to be used. no one can decide if you are “of use” or not — you need to take care of yourself so that when you are up to it, when you are healed and ready, you can take care of the others around you. she is a grown woman and as much as you care for her, she can take care of herself. it is time for you to focus on you.

[88]: ... i don’t know how to do that.

[dr o]: smiles well, that is what i’m here for.

————————————————————————

[dr barnes]: ah welcome, [redacted]! it’s so great to meet you! dr otsuaka speaks of you highly!

[patient 4]: wow! you’re so big! your biceps are as big as my head!!

[dr b]: laughs i do enjoy my time at the gym! please sit, sit!

[4]: thank you for seeing me dr barnes!

[dr b]: no, it’s really my pleasure! when dr otsuaka needed to clear out her client list, i leaped at the opportunity to take some of you on.

[4]: yeah, she told me something like that. i’m just happy i still have a therapist! it would really suck if all my progress went out the window.

[dr b]: oh yes, i have some of your charts here... shuffles papers looks like you suffer from... separation anxiety and ptsd?

[4]: yep, but it hasn’t gotten me down yet!

[dr b]: that’s great [redacted]. i’m looking forward to seeing the progress we can make with one another!

[4]: aw, thanks dr b! you’re so cool!

[dr b]: that’s all you bud, all you. so, what do you think of starting from the beginning?

[4]: well, it all started when my mom met my dad and they fell in love and had se—

————————————————————————

[dr yamada]: wow, hi [redacted]! it’s been so long since we’ve last spoken. high school, was it?

[patient 7]: um, yeah.

[dr y]: so, what brings you back here to see me? do you need a refill on your meds?

[7]: ...maybe.

[dr y]: [redacted]... are you alright?

[7]: bursts into tears no.. oh god no..

[dr y]: that bad, huh?

[7]: yeah.. yeah, it’s that bad.

[dr y]: is it [redacted]?

[7]: sniffles oh, no not him. actually, his girlfriend? she’s back.

[dr y]: oh god..

[7]: yeah.. laughs dryly

[dr y]: well, it’s a good thing you’re here then. do you remember your affirmations?

[7]: how could i forget? i am loved—

[dr y]: in unison —i am deserving of love—

[7]: —and i will love in return. wow, it’s been a minute.

[dr y]: and still, it stuck. yet another example of my incredible teachings.

[7]: just as insufferable as always, dr yamada.

[dr y]: and just as guarded as usual, [redacted]. am i going to have to pry the information out of you this time around?

[7]: nah... i think... i think i really need to talk about it.

[dr y]: good. i am here to listen.

℗ poker face

intermission

series masterlist

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an - kekeke a new funky short filler chapter comin up for y’all!!! i’ve done therapy transcripts once before so i kinda wanted to try again??? provide a splash of insight for the hotties who r going to therapy in pf!! and even tho i think i made it kinda obvious, i wanna see y’all guess whomst is whom!!! also this is considerably lower quality than i intended KSJ but we will get back to our regularly scheduled (read: better) writing tomorrow KEJEK anyways fat thanks to my wife ghostie (who i cant tag rip) for helping me out!!! don’t forget to feed me!!! <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[redorich]

Okay I said I was just gonna do the one and then I did two, so might as well go for three- Give! Philza! Minecraft! A! Hermitcraft! Friendship!

Philza does eventually get that forced Hermitcraft Therapy Vacation, much to his chagrin. He's going to murder his son for this--

He's already murdered Wilbur once. That's more than enough.

Regardless, Philza spawns into the Hermitcraft server in that same underwater room from last time, only this time there's armor on the armor stands and free gear for people to take, because Philza's not, you know, invading them now.

He hears a splash behind him and turns. It's a zombie-- he lowers his sword. It's not just any zombie, it's Zombie Cleo. Her red hair catches his eye at once.

"Hello," she says, waving lazily. "Grian got his head stuck in a block, so Xisuma's busy fixing it. He says he's sorry he couldn't come."

"Er..." Philza doesn't know what to say to that. "Is he okay?"

"Who, Grian? Physically, yeah. Mentally? Who knows," Cleo says in a tone that is alarmingly blasé. "Anyway, how about I show you around?"

"...Yeah. Yeah, sure." Philza pretends to understand what is going on as he follows Cleo up through the hole in the ceiling.

She shows him the shopping district in passing, making a joke that he is already familiar with it. If Philza looks hard enough, he thinks he can spot the rebuilt street where Tommy held a sword to his own neck. Why are these hermits being nice to Philza, again?

He reminds himself to take advantage of goodwill while it's accessible to him, and pushes the thought out of his mind.

"You're looking a little down there; chin up! I'll show you the Nether hub." With this, Cleo takes off into a quick walk toward the portal at the town hall. She can probably sense his discomfort with the shopping district.

Hot Nether air hits their faces when they step into the swirling purple mist. The main building of the hub is tall, with plenty of visibility. Philza take his time admiring not only the beauty of the architecture, but also the materials themselves and the view outside.

"Right," Cleo says, "we both know what you're here for."

"Huh?" Philza says. Every time Cleo opens her mouth, she catches him off guard.

"You’re obviously very sad, and being around emotionally stable adults your own age is supposed to help. So, do you want the therapy now, or would you rather put it off until after the tour?"

At the baffled look Philza shoots her, Cleo shrugs. "Sorry, I'm not as good at this as X is, but he's busy so you get me. What'll it be?"

Philza sighs. It would probably be best to just get this over with. "You know, there aren't many adults my age around," comes out of his mouth instead. He's stalling.

Cleo raises an eyebrow. "You're, what, thirty?"

"Give or take a few centuries," Philza says blandly.

The fiery woman snorts, gesturing at her own face. It takes Philza a moment to pick up on what she means, but when he does, he blushes a bit.

"Right. Zombie. So, also old as balls," he says sheepishly.

"Yep," she says, popping the p.

"...Remember when shulker boxes weren't a thing?"

Cleo groans. "Oh my God, how did we ever live without them?!"

Philza grins. "How about arrow spam?"

"You're going way back, now!"

They lapse into silence for a bit, listening to the coos of distant ghasts. It's calming, like the Nether equivalent of watching the tide slowly recede and return.

“...Sometimes, I think I’ve only got this eternal life to make the same mistakes over and over again.”

Philza barely even realizes he’s spoken until Cleo takes a breath she doesn’t need. She continues looking out the window, watching the lava ocean bubble and simmer.

“I’ve probably made those same mistakes, too,” she says wryly. “Let’s keep in touch, yeah? I’ll tell you when you’re fucking up if you do the same for me.”

Philza has had years and years of experience in single-player one-life worlds. He knows better than to waste water in the Nether, least of all on something like tears. 

“That would be nice,” he chokes out. “It means more than you know.”

The zombie tucks a long, frizzy lock of flame-colored hair behind her ear. “I think I might have a clue.”

[whorefordazai]

hi hi its me!! im just feeling really bad and holding my tears rn. can i get anything with aku/chuu/dazai, whoever u deem more fit! they are my comfort bbys. running away from home, even if its just for a night,maybe going to some rooftop or a drive at night. my situation at home isnt the best and i feel rly caged and anxious bc i don't have friends to go out with when my situation gets overwhelming so i just break down in my room haha. anyways, i hope this is good enough? just some comfort or validating words!! sending hugs to u rai, ilysm. thank u for doing this its basically therapy for me ajsbdhd ❤️🌷

I hope things get better for you bestie, love you <33

“Till forever falls apart”

ft. dazai x gn! reader

genre: fluff, comfort

wc: 1.5k (I think🥲)

synopsis: running away from home with dazai yup yup !! simply a big fat cliche but it’s my guilty pleasure of fluff 🌝 includes a lot of kisses, hand holding, and comfort 🧍‍♂️

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick the fucking tock.

The clock made no noise, but you imagined it did. After all, that was what usually happened when one planned to sneak out during ungodly hours of the night. Looking at the time, it read 3:54 am.

You couldn’t stay here for one more second.

Swiftly, yet quietly lifting off the covers from your body, you got up from bed, and made your way to the window. It wasn’t sunrise yet. The sky was still dark, the streets peacefully quiet. The street lamp flickered, the airy fog was light against the ground.

It was perfect.

It wasn’t perfectly planned—but knowing Dazai, it wouldn’t go completely wrong. Feeling suffocated and unable to stay home, you had spontaneously called him two hours prior, around 2 am. His disoriented sleepy voice had picked up the call.

“...Hm? Babe? What time is it...” Dazai’s delicate husky voice spoke through the phone.

You could almost imagine him letting out a yawn and stretching out in his futon, brown curls resting against his face, his eyes tearing up from the yawn. You mentally cursed yourself when a smile appeared on your lips from hearing the mere sound of his voice.

You cleared your throat. “Yeah, it’s 2 am. Listen I...” your words stopped before you could continue. You gulped. Would he even be up for this? Would he be up for running away?

Dazai seemed to notice your voice falter. He spoke more hushed this time. “Are you okay? Are you safe? Do you need me to get you?”

You stayed silent for a few seconds before exhaling.

“No...well, yes but no. And...no you don’t need to come get me. I just wanted to hear your voice, Osamu. Thanks—you can go back to sleep now.”

You bit your lip, your finger hovered over the hang up button.

“ADADADA WAIT!—“

You raised an eyebrow. Dazai’s voice now spoke louder, as if his tone was full of mischief. “Huh?”

“Darling, I wasn’t sleeping anyway. In what universe would Dazai Osamu be sleeping at 2 am? C’mon sweetheart—you know me better than that.” He chuckled.

Your breathe hitched for a second—and then you laughed. It was a quiet airy laugh. He’s right...what was I so worried about?

“Okay then,” you giggled, voice laced with a plan.

“What do say about running away with me at 4 am?”

“Why that is...MARVELOUS!! Running away is what I do best!”

You laughed again, still managing to keep a hushed voice. “Alright—then come pick me up at 4 am will you? 4 am sharp.”

“You got it, babe.” You could almost picture his devilish smirk and golden brown eyes glinting with mischief.

The clock now read 4:01 am. Dazai was definitely here.

You gulped as you opened the window in your room, careful not to make even the tiniest noise.

And there he was.

It was barely noticeable, but you could see Dazai’s figure between the dark shadows in the car. As you both made eye contact, a smile appeared on your lips.

Just to be cheesy, you blew him a kiss, and he dramatically caught—pressing his fingers to his lips.

Getting out of the window was the easy part—actually leaving without anyone noticing was going to be difficult. It would’ve been even more difficult if Dazai wasn’t here to help you.

“Hi.” You smiled, sitting down on the passenger seat next to him.

“Hi.” He smiled back. The two of you looked at each other for a few seconds, before Dazai moved closer and put a hand on your cheek, immediately locking lips with you.

Hands immediately wrapping around his neck, you smiled into the kiss. The butterflies in your stomach exploded when his hand wrapped around your waist, squeezing your hip. When his tongue brushed against your bottom lip, you breathlessly chuckled and pulled back.

“Hurry, let’s get out of here! We can continue this later~” You scratched the back of your neck, cheeks flushed pink.

“Off we go then!” He smirked, eyes looking forward and hands shifting the car gear.

And you were off.

Probably driving around seventy miles per hour, Dazai rolled down the windows and turned on the radio for some music. You grinned, hearing the sound of the breeze down the music.

“This is—why didn’t we do this sooner!?” You laughed, feeling the wind flush against your face. You looked over to Dazai, who had an equally huge smile on his face, his brown curls being swept back by the wind.

“Y/n—we’re about to drive through a tunnel. Peek your head out the car roof! I swear, it’ll feel amazing!” Dazai beamed, sliding open the car roof so that you would be ready.

“Huh?! Are you sure—”

“I’m very fucking sure!!” He laughed.

“OH—okay then!” A smirk appeared on your lips as you stood up and peaked out half your body through the roof.

It was fucking amazing.

The tunnel was brightly lit with yellow lights, the wind was blowing through your hair. In that moment...hell, you couldn’t even explain how you were feeling in this moment.

As the car stopped on a red light, you sat back down in your seat and closed the car roof. Dazai smirked. “That was cool, right?”

“Very fucking cool. Although, next time I’d like to do in your arms.” You smiled. He raised his eyebrows, and grabbed your hand, kissing your knuckles.

A sudden chill went through your body as the wind blew colder. You shivered, rubbing your arms up and down. You chuckled to yourself. I must’ve forgotten to grab a hoodie in all this rush…

“Here, put this on.” Dazai chuckled, leaning to the back seat and grabbing a black hoodie. You eyed him carefully, grabbing the hoodie he was handing to you.

Putting it on, you immediately felt a sense of warmth envelope your skin. Shivering once again, you hugged yourself. It smelled exactly like him.

“Thanks, Osamu…” you softly smiled. He glanced your way for a few seconds before nodding. “No problemo!”

“...No, seriously.” You lightly scoffed with a small smile on your face. You put your hand on his.

“Without you...I would’ve still been stuck there. You have no idea how much you’ve helped….”

Your words were stopped when you felt Dazai grab your hand and intertwine your fingers. He turned his head towards you, a smile on his lips. “I know...call me anytime, okay? I wanna see you all the time.”

You pressed a quick kiss on his lips, sitting back in your seat. Your eyes were practically lit up as you rubbed small circles on Dazai’s knuckles.

You felt simply...the only word to describe it was euphoric. The rush in your bones. It was so fucking cliche, running away with your boyfriend at 4 am.

It was so perfectly cliche that you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself.

“We’re here,” Dazai’s voice sang as he slowed down the car to a complete stop. You looked ahead—it was fairly dark, only a few street laps illuminating the building in front of you.

“An abandoned building…?” Your mouth opened, eyes a little wide.

“Yup! Now come on….” Dazai smiled, pulling your hood over your head and squeezing your face. He moved closer and pressed several kisses on your cheeks, nose, and forehead. Practically anywhere he could get access too.

“H-hey! that’s—a lot—of—kisses!!” You managed to say between breaths as he continued to kiss your lips every time you began to talk. Both his hands were squeezing your cheeks like a baby.

He suddenly laughed, the soft grip on your cheeks now turning into a caress. Dazai’s thumb rubbed soft circles against your cheek. He seemed to quiet down, but he was now staring into your eyes

“Uh...are we gonna go inside or…?” You raised an eyebrow, gently tucking a piece of his hair behind his ear. It was soft, just like how you remembered it to be.

“Yeah...let’s go.” He smirked, hands leaving your face and opening his own door to get out of the car. You got out a second after him, feet hitting the soft dirt.

Dazai suddenly clasped your hand in his, pulling you with him as he dashed to the entrance. Your eyes flew open. “W-wait! Dazai, you seem really excited—“

“No time to speak, darling—were on the move!!” He laughed, pulling the both of you up endless stairs. You felt an enabling rush as Dazai ran ahead of you, hands held together. The buzz in your body, the euphoric smile that never left your lips.

“We’re here,” Dazai gasped out, coming to a halt. The breeze gently blew across the huge clearing. You rested your hands on your knees for a second, just to catch your breath.

“We’re...on the roof…?” You bit your lip, suppressing the huge idiotic smile that was about to make its way onto your face. Dazai nodded, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“This is...beautiful.” The roof was dark, it was ghostly quiet. You could only see the city lights from across the railing. Dazai walked to the edge, hand still intertwined with yours.

He leaned against the metal bar, hands gripping the pole with a huge smile on his lips.

God, he looked so beautiful. His brown hair was gently flowing against the breeze, the bridge of his nose seemed to perfectly shape the rest of his face. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you smiled.

“You’re not gonna ask me to jump off the roof with you, hm?” You whispered as a joke. He glanced at you for half a second before wrapping his whole arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest.

“No...not today, darling.”

His eyes seemed glassy, but somehow the clearest you’d ever seen. You blinked a couple times, before finally settling your face back into his shoulder.

“You know,” he mumbled into your hair. “I look at you in a way I thought I could never look at someone.”

You stayed silent, both your hearts beating. He continued.

“I look at you, with love in my eyes. Love I didn’t know was in me...love I didn’t know I was capable of feeling.” He licked his lips with half lidded eyes. “I look at you with the love I thought I had lost.”

You buried your face deeper into his chest. “I love you so much, Dazai.” You whispered. He kissed the top of your head, humming in response.

“I wanna stay like this forever.” You mumbled, eyes suddenly becoming foggy, remembering you had no one back home.

“I know.” He softly whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“I wanna stay with you forever.”

“I know.”

“Just with you, Dazai. No one else.”

“I know.”

“But we can’t...it won’t last forever.”

“...I know.”

He suddenly wrapped his arms around your whole body, hugging you as if you were going to disappear. One of his arms circled your waist, while the other held the back of your head.

“Then we’ll stay like this—till forever falls apart.” You mumbled, inhaling his sweet scent.

He nodded, kissing the tip of your nose. “Till forever falls apart.”

a/n: a part of this was inspired by the movie perks of being a wallflower, I’m sure you can tell which part :)

tag list: @uwu-monster101 @14th-century-homosexual-spirit @dai-tsukki-desu @i4gumi @cross-crye @starglow-xx @ranposlover @bsdwhore @arimakii @malewifegirlboss @shadyteacup @smadhuman @knjksj0301 @neighborhoodfriendlysimp @rirk-ke @mushroomplantasia @luftdum @pickleisrandom @3-am-depression @its-chuuya-bitch @the-wholesome-ranpo

[navalcriminalimagines]

summary: you became fuck buddies with Rafael after your friend Rita played matchmaker. As a FBI agent, you’re helping SVU during the manhunt of Yates and Rudnick.

words: 3,141

warnings: smut, pegging, sub/dom, sexting, alcohol

i’m very insecure about writing smut... let me know if i’m doing to good job or if i should stop... also, sorry for the typos..

High hopes

Rafael Barba wished he had stayed in bed today. The day kept getting worse and worse. He was stuck in Rikers Island for hours, only to find out that Yates and Rudnick escaped. He growled and wished he could go back to last night, in bed with you.

You met Rafael through Rita Calhoun, or so to speak. You waited in front of the courthouse one day, to go to lunch with your friend, and she was walking down with a handsome dark-haired man. She gave you a quick sign, telling you to wait a minute, but you walked up to them instead. “What don’t you understand in this sign?” she asked, raising her forefinger, just like she did a minute ago.

“I understand this one better,” you showed your middle finger, with a big grin. You heard her friend laughing on your left.

“Very elegant, Y/N.” she answered. “Barba, we’ll go back to that later. Giving you time to come to your senses,”

“To put your hopes too high, Rita,”

“You must be ADA Barba,” you interrupted them and offered your hand to him.

“And you are?” he asked, taking his time to shake your hand.

“Agent Y/N Y/L/N, FBI. Rita’s cutest friend,”

“Cute, indeed,” Barba agreed, even if he would say beautiful, sexy and powerful.

“Dear god, I’m gonna throw up,” Rita spoke up. “You know what, Y/N, I’ll give you his number and you’ll contact him so I don’t have to watch this,”

And Rita did give you his number. You tentatively texted him a few days after, to which he openly responded. In a few days, you and Rafael had your first physical encounter. Rules are simple; just sex, no feelings. Rafael was fine with it, casual relationships have been his thing for many years but it always ends because the other caught feelings. Never him. On your side, you just never fell really in love. You had boyfriends, you had feelings, but never enough to make it work. You know this comes from your sad childhood but you never wanted to give a try to some therapy bullshit. You were fine with it.

Sex with Rafael was amazing. Actually, ‘amazing’ is a small word to what it actually was. The best you ever had. But no chance in hell, you let him know that. His ego’s already big enough, he doesn’t need to feel more cocky in bed. It was so good though, it became more and more regular. You couldn’t get enough of each other. And as you started to trust more one another, you began to try new things. Try, discover.

You and Rafael were so damn compatible sexually speaking. And you both managed to keep feelings out of it. Or so you thought.

That day became such a mess, FBI got brought in. When Rafael saw you walking into the precinct, he felt his body reacting immediately. “Not the time to get aroused, Rafael,” he warned himself. But how could he not? You had that powerful strut, like you owned the room. Rafael had never been into badass women before, he likes that in men. But you were a badass and god how it turns him on. He thought about the few times you got dominant on him. He needs more of that. He needs more of you.

He watched you introducing yourself to Olivia, and then to the rest of the squad. When you finally noticed him, you just gave him a nod before walking over to him. “Field Agent Y/L/N, me and my team are here to find your two escaped prisoners,” you had a smile plastered on your face. As if it was fun to you. “Don’t worry, I do that every day of the week,” you added, loud enough so the squad heard.

“This is bad, Y/N,” he said, barely above a whisper. You could feel he was extremely tense, he must go through a lot of pressure because of the situation.

After a briefing with everyone involved in the search, you quickly grabbed your phone and texted Rafael.

When this is all over, I’ll suck the pressure out of you.

You can read him. He hates it. But your text got him more aroused.

Rafael stayed at the precinct all night long, waiting for good news. You were around somewhere, chasing after Yates and Rudnick. He was exhausted. He couldn’t wait for this to be over.

Find them, babygirl. I don’t know how long I can wait. He texted you. Was it bad to think about you, your body, your most intimate parts, in a time like this? Probably. But it made this night go faster. He’s an ADA, there’s nothing he can do, except waiting. Many times he was told to go home. He could have. But he wanted you to take him home. He didn’t want to leave without you.

Maybe he was screwed already.

Still up, Sir, huh? Can’t go to sleep without a good fuck?

Y/N, do you really want to sext during a manhunting you’re leading?

Dodds driving. He thinks I’m exchanging with my team. To be fair, I am. You like when we sext, don’t you?

You know I do. But this is not an appropriate time to make me hard.

Cause sending me a pic of you masturbating while I’m out with my friends is appropriate, maybe?

Aw, still mad about that, babygirl? I thought you liked it.

I did. But you still haven’t paid for that.

Wasn’t I a good boy last night?

Hell, no and you know it. A good boy doesn’t come until he’s allowed to.

Whoops…

More punishment to come, Rafaelito. Just you wait.

Damn. Be fast, Y/N.

Everyone was out there looking for the two fugitives, so Rafael went to the restroom. He was getting really hard and he just wanted to stroke himself. But he couldn’t. The guilt gets the best of him. He can’t masturbate in SVU’s restroom in the middle of a manhunting. This is highly inappropriate. He couldn’t help but to look at nudes you sent him, though. After the first one you sent, you asked for his phone and made it secure. He had to enter a password to access the files where all your pictures were. There’s one he particularly loves and it’s not nude you sent. It’s a picture he took one night, while he had you handcuffed to his bed frame. He had just made you cum with his tongue and fingers, you had bites marks and hickeys on your body. You looked desperate in a good way. Your lips were swollen for all the kissing. He stood up on the bed, with his phone in hand. “Wh—what are you doing?” You asked, out of breath and confused.

“Immortalising my work of art,” he said and snapped the picture. “You’re so damn beautiful when you come down from your high, with all of these marks I made,”

What was he doing? Was he falling for you? No, he can’t. You have rules. He just fell for your fucking body. Your perfect body he can’t stop thinking about. He gave himself a few strokes while looking at the pictures but he got stopped by a text from Liv, saying they got Rudnick. He became self conscious about what he was doing. He zipped himself back in his pants, answered to Liv and waited until his erection was gone.

It took a few more hours before you found Yates too. He had been shot by you. Rafael didn’t know what to make of it. You never talk about your job or his, he doesn’t know how you’ll feel about killing someone. Maybe he won’t have sex for now. He had to go to his office anyway.

Putting an all nighter isn’t for him anymore. Poor man was exhausted, so he allowed himself a quick nap on his couch in the afternoon. He woke up, too his phone and saw he had a text from you.

Meet me tonight? My place?

Yes, please.

He showed up at your apartment around 7. He still didn’t know what to expect. He knocked and heard you saying it was open. He let himself in. He had come to your apartment three or four times only, you mostly met at his place. But he loves your apartment, it was minimalist but cozy, with a specific smell that was yours. He spotted you on your couch, a glass of wine in hand and another one of scotch waiting on the coffee table. He dropped his suitcase next to your kitchen counter and went to sit next to you.

“How are you?” He asked after a moment.

“Exhausted. I’m too old for sleepless nights,”

He laughed at that. You’re younger than him. “Don’t tell me about it,”

“Why did you stay? You could’ve gone back home. An ADA isn’t much help in a manhunt,”

“You ‘do that everyday of the week’, I thought it wouldn’t take you long to get them and that I could go home with you,”

“Teasing me, Rafael? Aren’t you in deep trouble already?”

“A little more, a little less. Who cares?”

“Finish your drink and get on your knees in front of me, Barba,”

He was in deep trouble every time you called him ‘Barba’. He did as told, he took the last sip of his scotch and got on his knees in front of you, waiting for your instructions. “Undress me,” you ordered. He undid your dark cargo pants, you lift your hips so he could take it off you. He then took off your blue blouse. You were in your underwear, matching dark purple lace. “Matching underwear, huh?” He smiled.

“Did I say you could talk?” You snapped.

“No ma’am. Sorry,” he swallowed. He was so hard already.

“Your case is getting worse, Barba. I want you to make me feel good, okay? You gonna take that silver tongue on yours and make me cum hard in your mouth,”

He nodded and softly traced his way on your thigh to your pussy with his mouth. He gave you a few kisses above the fabric of your panties and he put them aside. You were so wet and hot. He loved it but he didn’t say anything. He lapped a few times your clit, made small circles with his tongue before he gently hit it and sucked. He heard you moan and felt your nails on his scalp. He could cum by just eating you, but he had to control himself. He failed you two nights before, he can’t do it again. Rafael ate you like a starved man, until he felt your muscles tensing. You came on his face, chanting his name as you did. He felt proud. You were still coming down your high when you ordered him to go into the bedroom and wait for you, naked on your bed.

Rafael waited for what seemed to be hours. He had no idea what you were doing in the living room. He was naked on your bed and his erection was losing up. You finally joined him, with a glass of wine in one hand. You took sight of you as you drank. He felt like a prey and he loved every second of it. The look on your face as you looked at him was overwhelming. He felt like he was some kind of a sex god. “Getting tired, Barba?” You asked, finishing your drink.

“Never,” he answered, eagerly.

You put the glass on your desk and got on the bed. Your body was covering his and you kissed him deeply. You felt his cock getting hard against your abdomen. “Do you trust me?” You asked. For a moment, there was no game. No dominance. You just needed his trust and he gave it to you with a nod. You smiled, kissed him again and went to your closet.

You knew about Rafael’s bisexuality and you thought he was the one you could try the fantasy with. You came back and dropped a box next to the bed. He had no idea what was inside but he couldn’t wait to find out. But first, you wanted to go down on him. Your body over his, you gently kissed his neck and chest, biting here and there. “Hands above your head,” you said. “You don’t touch me, unless I allow you to,”

“Yes ma’am,” he answered, breathing hard from the teasing. He loves when you worship his body like this. It makes him feel good looking, sexy even.

“I’m gonna suck your big cock, Rafaelito. But if you come in my mouth, we won’t see each other for a long moment,” you warned him and he whined. “Show me what a good boy you are, or I’ll find someone else,”

Rafael tried to ignore the twinge in his heart when you said that. He doesn’t want you to find someone else. “I’ll be good, Y/N. I promise,” he breathed out. He was dying to touch you, kiss your body just like you’re kissing his. He was dying to fuck you senseless and ruin every other man for you.

The first lick you gave on his cock made him jump. “God,” he muttered. “Think about some boring law stuff,” he told himself. You took an enormous time licking and kissing his length before finally taking him in your mouth. You feel so warm, so good. You sucked him for a moment, you could feel his hips moving so his cock could hit the bottom of your throat. You watched him losing it. Rafael was fighting his urge to grab your hair and guide your mouth on him. You sucked his balls to give him a rest, but his cock was throbbing. He wanted to come, so bad. You went back to his long and heavy length, until you felt him grabbing your face and pulling you off. “I—I was about to—“ he was out of breath, “I’m sorry. Lo siento,” Rafael was all sweaty, his heart was racing so hard, he was sure you could hear it. “You’re so good—you—“ you shut him with a kiss and used your body to make him lay down again.

He took the opportunity to run his hands over your body. Since you didn’t say anything, he kept going and felt your skin under his fingers. He knew you were giving him time to recover, to gain control of his orgasm, but no matter what you had in mind next, he wasn’t going to last long. “Need a drink?” You gently offered.

“I—I’d like to, yes,”

He watched your ass sway as you left the room. You had grabbed your empty glass on the way, and came back with both glasses full. You sat to his side while you both drunk. He was staring. “Are you okay?” He asked.

You smiled. “Sure. Aren’t you?”

“On the edge,” he giggled.

You leaned in to kiss him. It wasn’t like the usual kisses. It was soft, tender, almost loving. “Your relief is coming, don’t worry,” you smiled against his mouth.

Once you both had finished your drinks, you finally showed him what was in the box. Among other things was a strap-on. You showed it to Rafael and saw his eyes darken. You needed his approval. “What do—?” You started to ask but he cut you off.

“Yes, yes! Yes, please,”

His reaction was better than you imagined. With a grin on your face, you jumped back on your bed and asked him to grab the lub from the nightstand. “To be honest, I’ve never done that before,” you giggled. Rafael could see you were a little tipsy - and maybe nervous? - but he trusted you anyway.

He cupped your cheek. “I trust you, Y/N. I’m all yours,” there was more means to this. He was yours in so many ways.

Before you started, he made one request. He wanted to be on his back while you fucked him with the strap-on. He wanted to see you, to look at you. He also wanted you to see him. Your looks make him feel so good.

After agreeing, you started to work on his butthole. You gently stroked with your saliva at first, and put some lube on your fingers before you slid one in him. He let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. You gently worked on opening him. You were watching him all along, looking for any sign of discomfort on his face, but all you could see was pleasure. “Fuck me with it, please, Y/N,” he begged. Rafael was so hard, so excited, he didn’t know how long he could control himself.

You lined the plastic cock with his open butthole. “You can do better than that, Rafael,”

“Give it to you, I’m begging you. I need you to fuck me good, mi amor,” neither you or him paid attention to the pet name.

You gently pushed the strap-on into Rafael. Still staring at his face to see if it was okay, but he kept begging for more. After it was all in, you started to thrust into him. Slow and deep at first, you watched the plastic thing disappearing inside his ass, and Rafael’s cock rocking hard. “I’m gonna—I need to come, Y/N, please,”

Poor thing was on the edge more than he ever been. “Come for me, Rafael,”

He grabbed his cock and gave himself a few strokes until he came hard, screaming your name in the middle of Spanish curses. You were already soaking wet but the sight of him coming as you were fucking him, could’ve made you come too. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

As he was coming down from his orgasm, he saw you on the edge of the bed, fingering yourself. You needed the relief too. Rafael used his last strength to sit up and replace your fingers with his. He fingerfucked you and sucked on your nipples. You were holding him so close to your chest, he could barely breathe but he didn’t mind. He kept going until you came. He caught your moans with his mouth and watched you falling apart.

Screw the rules, he was in love.

Once you both came down, Rafael was scared you’d asked him to leave. No cuddling was also a rule. But tonight you didn’t care. You turned off the light and crawled into bed with him. “Does that mean I can stay?” He asked.

You tiredly giggled. “You’re asking now that I turned off the light?”

“Just wanted to make sure,” he said. “Can I hold you though?”

“Spoon or nothing,” you said.

Spooning you was perfect to Rafael.