#how did he even find me? ive been hiding from him for a reason.

[irl-morros-account]

"i ...still considor you.... my pupil my student.. my son"

@sensi-wu

I...

Get out of here, old man.. neither of us are ready and you know it.

[haerni]

OH MY GOD, “who is he? ”

summary: feels like you’re fallin’ deeper & maybe you’re going crazy, right? does he want you or not? he’s so confusing!

ft. park sunghoon (based on ‘OMG’ by newjeans!)

content: fem! reader, tooth-rotting fluff, a lil bit of hurt comfort, sunghoon is that confusing guy, mutual pining, reader is a bit embarrassing i think? sunoo your support system! 1.8k words

— very very minimal proofread and editing bc ive only done this in one sitting (help me).

( 🍃 ) notes: this took me so long omfgsbks but here we are with my very first content on this blog, please be nice TT sunghoon might be ooc saur.. theres that! can u tell i love sunoo, i have to sneak him in. maybe the story will jump for awhile so sorry for that also.

you've probably liked PARK SUNGHOON for almost half of your life.

ever since he sat with you at the swing from the park you used to go to when you were kids and offering his own comfort when you were crying on that day, to this day forward when he offers his shoulder for you to cry on.

he never questions the reasons behind your cries, he never pushes and all he does is sit there and offer you whispers of solace that you take to heart.

because your best friend wouldn't want the worst for you.

because all he does is care for you.

and maybe—just maybe—you hate him a little for it, for doing things that make your heart flutter, for simply just touching your hair and pulling you closer hoping that it will quell the sadness that consumes you. or when he would walk with you home after his practice despite being tired and run down to the bones, he would never miss a day. or when he would call you such sweet things like you are together when you aren't.

or when one time he heard through jay how someone was making passes on you and disgusting comments about you, he comes home with a bruised lip and wounded knuckles. he refused to let you see him, not until you forced your way to his room with the first aid kit his mother let you borrow, because he also wouldn't let her treat him.

or when you can't even pretend to be okay in the sea of bodies in a party and he notices right away. he drags you by your hand and drags you out of the party without a care for anyone. he only tells you that he hates the party and would rather eat out in a convenience store nearby.

he holds your hand tightly, you knew that night you loved park sunghoon more than you could ever imagine.

a decade into your friendship, you fell in love with your best friend, park sunghoon.

you did your best to hide it, to keep these emotions at bay and lock away into the very bottom of your heart. you swallow the bubbling feeling in your throat whenever he's close. you did your very best to preserve the relationship the both of you built together. even if all you wanted was just ruin it and become something more.

loving park sunghoon was easy, it was easy as the breeze that touched your hair, it was easy as falling into a routine of living and looking forward to days when he's with you. the prospect of loving sunghoon comes naturally and you don't know how to stop it. it just grows more everyday and suddenly you find yourself in garden of flowers blossoming in your heart, so much that's its starting to flow out little by little and you're slipping, you're heart is becoming unguarded, the walls you've spent all your life building is chipping away slowly.

it's becoming suffocating, it's hard to breathe around him.

the passing touches, the stolen glances and brief silence has been occurring more and more.

it's only a matter of time, before someone catches on. unfortunately, that time is right now.

"what's with you and sunghoon, lately?" your friend, sunoo asks, "did you guys have a fight?"

a second passes before you answer him, "we did not. why do you ask?"

sunoo sits closer to you and puts his face on his palm, "you have been avoiding him."

you stopped, "no, i'm not."

"it's lunch and you're sitting here with me in the library, working on an assignment that's not due until next week, when you usually never miss eating when he comes by our room to eat with you." he pointed out.

too specific. were you that predictable? and when you don't answer sunoo realizes something. when his eyes widen too much for your comfort that's when you interject from whatever train of thought he had.

"or maybe—"

"i don't know what you are talking about, sunoo."

"you're avoiding him.."

"i already told you, i'm not—!"

"sure, keep telling yourself that." sunoo snorts at that, "i know you like him and not how a best friend should."

you can't breathe again, you were absolutely done for. because sunoo was right, he got the answer right and you couldn't find it in yourself to quip back at him. you can't find it in yourself to deny and brush it off, because it's simply not real, it's not what your heart is telling you. maybe, that was your last straw.

maybe that was all it needed for you to let out your heart just for once and face the reality.

you don't want sunghoon as a best friend.

the realization hits harder when someone utters it out, because you have lived all your life hiding and suddenly, it pours out like rain after a long unending drought.

now here you are. in the porch of your house under the moonlight with you encased in sunghoon's arms, because you were stupid enough to go out and try to forget about him, to go see other people and hope that you can lose all these feelings you have for him. it didn't, maybe it never will. a boy, somehow he's the same height and stature as sunghoon it was enough for you to agree for a dinner out.

it was stupid to begin with. you didn't even know this guy's name (you can't even bother to remember). because while you sat there and tried to engage with him, your mind drifted far on how he does not have the same moles as sunghoon, he does not make you laugh like sunghoon does, maybe he would've took you out to that ramen place you always go to after a long day instead of this fancy restaurant that you don't even know. quite sure enough that guy only talked about himself, you didn't listen.

"so are we going?" he gives you an all-knowing smile and as you try to turn him down a voice comes in.

"she's not going with you." you look behind, and there he stands one hand in his pocket wearing a white button-up shirt that you haven't seen before, a cold gaze accompanying it and his hair done all too perfectly—like he was on a date.

"hey! who do you think you are?" sunghoon ignores him as he offers his hand to you. tilting his head in question. you did not hesitate to grab it. it's almost a curse for him to know when you need him the most.

you can feel the heat rising up in your body as he intertwines both of your hands and gives it a squeeze.

he brings you home, like how he promised your dad when you were sixteen.

you bite your lips in hopes of suppressing all the emotions running down on you. but you can't really do that in front of sunghoon, can you?

you broke down.

and sunghoon was there—it was enough. it was enough for everything to pour out.

"i'm tired, hoon." his arms tighten around you, burying his face to your hair, almost as if he's kissing it in comfort.

you're tired? is it because of that guy? should he beat him up? you wouldn't like it anyway, so he erase the thought. park sunghoon has never hated anyone more than that jerk right now. he curses that stupid guy who made you like this.

"i hate you park sunghoon."

"you don't mean that."

you don't.

"i really really hate you." you were probably the worst to utter such words to him. to your best friend, to sunghoon out of all people. but you can't stop. "you're so stupid, stupid."

it takes him back, he didn't expect for you to be mad at him. he's silent for a moment as he continues to hold you like you're going to disappear.

"how am i stupid, baby?" there he goes again with those stupid nicknames.

you refuse to look at him, burying your face to his nape. and when you don't answer he talks for you.

"do you hate me that much for you not to look at me?" you really hate park sunghoon.

he sighs at the lack of your response. he shakes his head before he turns his face closer to your ear, "what am i gonna do, baby? you hate me, but i like you so much."

what? what the fuck?

that makes you widen your eyes processing what he just said as you sit up straight and facing him. and it makes him laugh a little, he probably shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. not when you're this adorably looking at him like you can't believe it.

"don't joke about things like that park sunghoon!"

wow, using his government name? "you don't believe me?" you don't answer. "why do you think i came to that awful restaurant wearing this shirt?" you knew it was new, you've never seen him wear it.

"because you want to fit it?" you answer.

"that too," he laughs, "and because you didn't eat lunch with me, you didn't walk home with me. i heard from sunoo, that you were out with someone and you didn't dress up because of me. you were on a date and it wasn't me. you were avoiding me, baby."

he looks at you and it hurts because both of you are a fucking idiot. all this time, sunghoon liked you.

park sunghoon likes you.

"how long?" and you can't help it, you have to know.

he thinks for a second, "hm.. since when you were on that swing? i thought you were pretty." he smiles so easily.

oh my god.

you buried your face once more, not really knowing what to do, because for the longest time you thought you were the only one feeling this way.

but sunghoon understands, he continues to talk, "jay thinks i'm obsessed with you. he's not wrong, you know? you don't have to say anything right now, i know you're having a har—"

you kissed him. park sunghoon is really an idiot. how can you not like him? how can anyone not even like him? he's so stupid. sunghoon's eyes widen a bit, but melts into your touch as quickly.

god, was this really happening? please don't ever wake him up if this is a dream.

you pulled away for a breather and he reached for another one causing you to block his lips with your hand.

feeling the blood in your cheeks, flustered as sunghoon kisses your palm instead. his hand coming up to yours to remove it.

"can i kiss you again?" you were going to die, "please?" you're sure of it.

"no!"

sunghoon laughs at that. you can't feel it, but his cheeks are really hurting now from smiling. maybe one day you'll let him kiss you more, but for now this is enough.

he has loved you almost all of his life.

𖹭 likes and reblogs are highly appreciated! i hope he is not too out of character :')

[fluffylino]

what are your thoughts on primal/chase w Minho? Cause I can't seem to get it to leave my head and you always have such great thoughts so I wanted to share this

Feel free to ignore this tho if if it's not your cup of tea or for any reason rly 💙

hi hi anon

this was really fun to write. honestly ive been wanting to write something like this with minho but never really got any good ideas. hope you like it!

warning- mainly cnc and minho is pretty mean. (but we love it)

-contains mature themes

the hallways seemed like they would never end. would you ever escape him? your legs hurt from how fast you were running.

you could hear him. his footsteps growing louder and louder as he moved in closer.

you looked around. searching for somewhere to hide. anywhere. your eyes scanned the place.

a dressing room. it was far but it was reachable if you ran. so you did it. huffing, your heart racing. you opened the door, it was dark. at any other time you'd be scared of how dark the room was.

but now.

now, you had to hide.

you carefully shut the door. hands moving about to find any switch. a light switched on and you were surprised to see how clean it actually was.

you turned your back to the door. looking down at your feet, only to see a shadow on the floor.

"there you are, kitty"

your heart jumped with a start. how did he get in so fast?

minho shut the door behind him, arms reaching over to shove you firmly against the wall. there was no way you could get away.

"l-let me go" you screamed, trying to move out of his iron grasp. he pushed your head against the wall. your cheek squished and you struggled to even move.

these were the times you realised just how strong he actually was. and if he wanted to he could do anything he liked.

"no s-stop stop i-it" you said, as you felt him lift your skirt up. it was your favourite skirt. not to thick yet not too short.

"shut it. stop fussing" he hissed out, tugging your panties down. his fingers inching down. you wriggled around.

"a-ahh h-hurts it hurts" you cried out as he shoved his fingers deep into you.

so deep you felt a tinge of discomfort. you weren't wet enough to take three of his digits.

you whined, unable to even speak.

"you know you want it. relax kitten."

he mumbled into your ear, pulling his fingers out. you shivered at the loss.

"be a good kitty and get on your fours"

you shook your head. never.

"n-no i don't w-want it"

he let out an exasperated sigh behind you. a noise of surprise leaving you when he manhandled you. forcing you to the ground.

he maneuvered you. keeping your head pressed on the white floor. your back arched and ass up. skirt pushed up to expose you completely. embarassment was what you felt.

minho used his knees to keep your legs apart. you couldn't help it.

your cunt throbbing for something more. something bigger. something wet.

whereas your mind was all over the place. everything was happening so fast you didn't know if you were ready.

no prep. but this is what you and him had discussed much ahead of time.

consensual non consent. he could fuck you whenever he felt like it. regardless of whether you wanted it. and that made you feel some type of way.

his personal playtoy. your body belonging to him. him having complete control over you. the control part is what you loved.

"you say you don't want me but look at you" he let out, you could hear him take his belt of with one hand. his zipper being pulled down.

"arching your back for me, your leaking so much kitten. anyone would think you're a bitch in heat, presenting yourself to me"

you felt your eyes water. desperation.

"i-..i-" you stuttered, his grip on your hair so strong, you couldn't even lift your head up. your face smushed down.

"when are you going to accept it..shut up and take it"

your mouth dropped open. a pained whine escaping you as he entered you.

fuck, he was so big. you'd never get used to his size. and now with no lube, your thighs trembled at the discomfort. a heavy weight.

"ah-h m-minho hurts..p-paining" you cried out, body shaking at how stretched out you were. you were at your max.

"oh does it?" he asked, voice going low and condescending.

"still hurts?" your eyes rolling to the back of your head as he moved his hips. burying himself even deeper. this time not stopping his movements.

"accept it, kitten. you want me to fuck you full. to breed you" minho said, voice cracking as you still tried to adjust to him.

you squirmed as he held your hips, pulling you back to meet his thrusts. choked out noises and whimpers leaving your parted lips.

"d-don't want your c-cum hnghh-"

your eyes shot open as he pulled out completely. you stayed extremely still. not knowing what was going to happen next. he mumbled an annoyed 'fine'.

"crawl." he said out lazily.

"come on im giving you a chance to walk away"

could you really believe him? you hesitated for a entire minute. unsure. until you rose to your elbows and slowly inched ahead.

your speed slowly increasing. that was till you were dragged back. his cock slipping back into your warm cunt with no effort.

"you really thought huh"

"your pussy is begging to be filled. your dripping onto the floor. so quit lying."

tears fell on the ground. everything felt so good. so real. so different.

"i'll make sure to pump you full of my cum until you can't take anymore. you take what im giving you"

his hips ramming into you. getting pushed forward with every animalistic thrust.

"n-no pull o-out...pull out p-please minho not in me" you cried out, shaking in his grasp. you wanted it. you wanted his cum.

"you cunt says otherwise. swallowing me fucking whole like its been starved"

he held you in place.

one particular hard thrust and you could feel him inside you. filling you up to the brim. your own cum mixing with his and leaking outside of your poor abused hole.

"ahhhh keep it all inside"

minho instructed, watching as you clenched. trying your best to keep all of him in. but you couldn't. sitting on his haunches watching how your pussy quivered at just how much had seeped out.

warm.

sticky.

your knees gave in and you fell completely on the floor. your breathing heavy.

minho shuffled around behind you. everything was beginning to set in. but minho was there. you knew he was going to take care of you.

"did so well for me, sweetheart"

[awritessomething]

Hey I saw your requests are open

If you want to can you write a Derek Morgan x Spencer's sister where Spencer finds out their dating. Can it be very angsty but full of fluff at the end ( sorry if ive worded it weird ive never requested a fic before)

Thank you 😁

i love angst thank you so very much

𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 | derek morgan x fem!reader

requests

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | Derek Morgan and Y/N Reid had been hiding their relationship from everyone on the face of the Earth for a year. An unexpected interruption one night ruins everything.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | angst, reid!reader, angry spencer, arguing, crying, swearing, protective!spencer.

Y/N Reid and Derek Morgan, the two people least likely to be in a relationship, were. Y/N was Spencer Reid’s twin sister. Surprisingly, she also shared that same intelligence that Spencer did. That was most likely how they managed to keep everything hidden for so long.

Derek and Y/N had always been so careful. They were so careful with hiding their relationship from the public, from their friends, and especially from their family. Specifically Y/Ns family. Neither of them wanted to keep it a secret, of course they wanted to be able to be all public and lovey-dove, but that wasn't possible. Spencer was a supportive brother when it came to academics and almost every aspect of Y/Ns life, but not when it came to relationships.

With every boyfriend that Y/N had ever had, Spencer was always there, telling the man something to make him feel so stupid until the man just could not handle it anymore. He loved his twin sister and didn't want her to get hurt and for some reason, he believed that any and all men would hurt her.

Once Y/N told Derek this at the very beginning of their relationship, he had tried to convince her that it would be fine or that he could handle Spencer's criticism. She knew better. That was what her past boyfriend had said and just as she had predicted, he could not handle it. He ended up breaking up with her only a short while after meeting Spencer.

To respect Y/Ns wishes, Derek agreed to keep it secret. They kept it secret surprisingly well. Derek still acted like he was into other women when he was out in public, Y/N still went to parties when she could. Of course neither of them ever cheated on each other, everything that they said about other people were just lies. Somehow, Spencer never caught onto Derek's lying and Y/Ns disinterest in bringing home another man.

Everything was going so smoothly. It had gone perfectly for a whole year. On Derek and Y/Ns one year anniversary, things started to go wrong. After getting some dinner delivered to Y/Ns house from a fancy restaurant, they were laying in bed together, watching one of their shared favorite movies.

"Y/N, I know you don't want me to keep pestering you about this but when do you think we should tell Reid about us?" Derek asked as he was running soft circles on the skin of her arm. She looked down at his hand and then sighed.

"Soon, Derek. You know I don't like hiding it either, but we have to." She responded, looking up at her boyfriend now with a soft smile. He couldn't even try to be frustrated with her.

"We've been together for a year now, are you sure he wont be a bit understanding?"

"I know my brother. Spencer will not approve." She shook her head. Derek gave up on the subject. About halfway through the movie, the wine got to Derek and he fell asleep, his head now resting on her as he snored. With his weight on top of her, Y/N ended up falling asleep as well. The movie was still playing quite loudly in the background, it muffled any other background noise quite well.

It wasn't really like the couple would be thanking the movie for what happened next though. In fact, they were more mad about it than anything. Spencer and Y/N had been hanging out the day before. She left her sweater at his place. In her opinion, he kept his place too warm. He only noticed her sweater hung up on the coat-rack a few hours after she left. He decided to drive it over to her house.

In her house, Y/N had her arms around Derek who had his head resting on her chest. Spencer had a key to her house, she had a key to his. They had these just in case they needed something or in case one forgot their key. They lived quite close.

Spencer hadn't noticed Derek's car since it was parked about two blocks away and around a corner. He fiddled with his keychain and then opened the door. He could hear the movie playing.

"Y/N?" He called out. The movie was too loud though and she didn't respond. She had a thing where she always put her shoes in the closet beside the front door. One of her coats had fallen down and covered Derek's shoes. Spencer put his shoes in the closet and then walked through the hall. Before he got to her door, he knocked on the door. "Y/N, are you awake?" He called out again. This time, both she and Derek heard his voice. She didn't respond though, in too much shock to even think of the most basic word in the English language.

He turned the doorknob and opened the bedroom door just as Derek was trying to scramble out the window. He froze in the doorway. Derek froze in the window.

"What the fuck." That was all Spencer could even imagine saying as he saw his best friend and his sister together. Derek turned his head slowly and looked at Spencer. "Get back here, Morgan."

Derek dropped back down into the room as if he was being yelled at by an angry parent. Y/N was completely silent, just looking between the two men. "I swear, we can explain." Derek was about to try and start defending his and Y/Ns relationship. Spencer lifted a hand and Derek shut his mouth. He had never been so scared of a scrawny nerdy man before.

"Spence, please. I love him." Y/N crawled out of the bed and walked over to her brother. He looked down at her, an unimpressed look in his eyes.

"You said this about the last guy too. What about the one before him?" He brought up her past boyfriends and she looked down for a second, her cheeks reddening. Derek was a bit too nervous to speak up, so he just stayed quiet. He planned on only speaking if he was spoken to.

"I'm serious about Derek."

"Then why didn't you tell me?" His voice cracked. Y/N tilted her head, a little bit confused now. "How long?"

"We've been together for a year."

"A year? You've been together for a year but you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't want you to be mad at us."

"You're my sister. Derek is my best friend. You thought that dating him and not telling me would be better than just telling me?" Spencer raised his voice a bit. Y/N flinched. Derek stepped forward now. "It was your idea, wasn't it?" Spencer directed his attention to Derek now.

"No, Spence, he wanted to tell you. I told him not to." Y/N tried to defend Derek. He looked at her, furrowing his brows in concern. Spencer scoffed and then gave her the sweater that he was still holding in his hands. She glanced down at it and then back up at her brother.

"Whatever. You know what, I don't know why I'm surprised." Spencer ran a hand through his hair. "You're always sleeping around with women, I should have expected that one day you would manage to get my sister too." He pointed an angry finger at Derek.

"Woah, woah. No. Listen, at first, I didn't even think that she was your sister, ok?" Derek decided to speak up now. Spencer rolled his eyes. "I know it sounds dumb, but its true. I met her when she was coming to the BAU to talk to you about some case, but we talked for a few minutes and I only found out that she is your sister when I saw her walk over to you."

"You still thought that it would be fine to make a move on her?" Spencer asked, still holding that same angry look in his eyes. It was one that Derek didn't think he had ever seen.

"Yeah. I thought maybe my best friend would understand that I found a girl who I really liked and that I wanted to see if she would give me a chance. She did."

"Bullshit." He grumbled. Derek glanced down at Y/N and then back at Spencer, a bit confused as to what he was saying now.

"Which part?"

"You thought I would be fine with this?" Spencer crossed his arms.

"Yeah, I thought you were mature enough."

"Don't do that." Y/N whispered to Derek. It was a bit too late though. Spencer ran another hand through his hair.

"Fine. I hope you're happy with him for whatever time you have left." Spencer spat and then walked out of the bedroom and house. Y/N and Spencer stood there, just silently thinking.

"What if he's right? Should we even be together?" Y/N asked, looking up at Derek. Her eyes were glossed over with tears. Derek felt his heart squeezing at both her words and the sad look in her eyes.

"Come on, of course he's not right." Derek held her hand, bringing it to his lips to press a soft kiss to it.

"Derek, I don't remember the last time he was wrong." She frowned as Derek continued to press soft kisses along the back of her hand and knuckles.

"I know. This is a first though, ok? Don't listen to him."

"I need some time, Derek. Can you give me that?" She requested. He frowned.

"No, I can't." He used his grip on her hand to pull him into her arms. She broke down, tears streaming down her cheeks. Having her boyfriend rejected by Spencer was nothing new, but it still hurt. Her fingers dug into his shirt, clinging to him as she sobbed. He put his chin on top of her head and just held her, letting her cry.

"He'll come around eventually, ok? I'm not going anywhere." He stroked her hair gently and she nodded, pulling out of his arms and looking up at him. He wiped away her tears.

They spent the rest of their night just talking and thinking about their future. Over the next couple of weeks, they got used to being more public. They told their non-Spencer-related friends and then Derek's family. Everyone was super supportive and honestly just happy that they had each other.

Y/N walked into the BAU one day, her purse on her arm as she walked through the space. Spencer looked at her from his desk, confused as to why she was there. Emily whispered something to J.J. and then kept watching. Derek was leaning against a wall, talking to Penelope about something. She walked up beside him.

"Oh- hi! You're Reid's sister, right?"

"Yeah. I'm Y/N." She stuck out her hand and shook Penelope's hand who gave her a welcoming smile. She tried her best not to say anything too crazy for now. Derek glanced down at Y/N, who was now reaching into her purse.

"You forgot this at my place." She pulled out something and handed it to him. He slipped the object into his pocket.

"Thanks." He smiled and then leaned down and kissed her. Penelope let out a sharp gasp, obviously completely flabbergasted at what she was seeing. Y/N smiled against Derek's lips and then pulled away.

"I'll see you tonight?" She asked, running a hand down his chest.

"Always." Derek reassured her. Y/N turned and left with a little wave. Everyone had seen. Even Rossi and Hotch. Everyone kind of looked around at each other and then immediately started bombarding Derek with questions on his not so new girlfriend.

When Spencer heard how Derek talked about her as if she was some sort of angel, he started to rethink his opinion on their relationship. Penelope and Y/N got along great and so she was then friends with the girls at the BAU. They all heard about their relationship, but they also heard about the problems with Spencer.

It took a few more months before Spencer ended up warming up to their relationship and stopped trying to destroy or show his disapproval of their love. With his approval, everything just managed to get better. That was all either could ask for.

[yuri-is-online]

idk if ur into more soft + toxic jadeyuu but if u aren't just ignore this plz 🙏😭 and sorry in advance this got out of hand (cw: jade purposely poisoning yuu, mentions of jade purposefully playing with yuu's feelings)

anyway, ur 'jade poisoning yuu' idea gave me thoouuuughhts and ive just been imaging jade who only ever saw yuu as like a pawn at first cuz he wanted someone to play with for a while-- and jade being jade constantly makes mushroom dishes but imagine his surprise when they actually accept his meal and eat it happily.

people usually find his mushroom obsession annoying and offputting so he's suprised but OBVIOUSLY his first thought to this yuu eating his dishes is 'now i finally have someone to test all these poisonous mushrooms on!! ^^' but his heart skips a beat when he thinks of them. jade merely brushes it off as his excitement of shrooms

so the next time he makes a mushroom dish for yuu, the mushroom is poisonous and they suffer the effects of it. he's not even trying to hide what he did and he's actually more curious to see how they'd react.

but they accept his invitation to eat dinner again for some reason??? and his heart does another weird fluttery thing when they say yes but jade takes the opportunity anyway and poisons yuu again

this continues for a while and anyone would think that jade would've gotten bored of them by now, but he's... hanging out with them even more? and taking them on even more dates that don't include mushrooms, poisonous or not?

and honestly, even jade himself is surprised because there isn't a coherent reason to why he's doing these things with them. sometimes (before all this happened) he'd hold their hand and give a kiss or 2 just to see their disappointment when he didn't act lovey-dovey the very next day>> but he's been doing these romantic actions every day as their "poison mushroom dates" increased.

he still smiles when he kisses yuu but it's a different kind of smile. his heart is fluttering more and more often, his cheeks are turning pink when they hold his hand and he's feeling all kinds of things he's never felt before.

he lays in his bed one night thinking about yuu and he realizes he's fallen in love. he never expected this to happen but he smiles and giggles and tells his mushrooms all about his newfound revelation.

now whenever mushroom dates happen (which are sometimes still poisonous ofc), he feeds them to yuu with his own hand.

You must be dreadfully lonely. That's the only reason Jade can think of for why you let him do this. Perhaps you truly think yourself to be alien, that the fleeting touches he grazes you with are all you deserve. Not that he will tell you otherwise, he's far too interested in finding out where your line lies.

But he finds his instead.

If I ever say no to more soft + toxic jadeyuu assume that is not me. they/them used for yuu, same CW from above, i don't think this is borderline anymore it's full yandere

It was supposed to be another test of your limits, a slight apology for paying some attention to a visiting student he'd previously only shown to you. Just one kiss to the back of their hand to seal a completely unnecessary deal, and you had refused to seek him out for a whole week. He was proud of you, truly he was, but not remorseful in his addition to this particular dish. Jade watches you roll the pasta around in your mouth and wince as you try to speak. The numbness spreads from your tongue to the back of your throat and you make no noise-

But eat the rest of the plate, not even rolling your eyes once. You cannot speak, but you still smile when he asks if the food his good. And for some reason now his words were stuck.

"You're a good cook, we should do this again sometime." You hoarsely say as he nods quickly, staring down at your cleaned plate. A wicked, giddy smile overwhelms him, he has a dedicated test subject now; oh how delightful you have proved to be, not at all as boring as he had first thought. ~~~~ The second attempt he has you make together and he wonders what it is laced more with, toxins or his joy at your strange willingness to let him drag you around. Up the mountains you had gone together to fetch a pail of mushrooms, and when you fell down after consuming the crown he found himself jumping after, your now flimsy body cradled in his arms.

"Oh dear, I think I added a bit too much." He has to look the very image of a devil, and though you don't really have the ability to escape anyway he still finds himself holding you quite close to his chest. "Do give me chance to make it up to you? This Saturday perhaps?"

"There's an unbirthday party that afternoon." You sound almost as disappointed as he feels angered. "Perhaps we could do Friday?"

Oh of course you could, he does hope you have your apologies prepared for Riddle; if you intend to return after this then you cannot be upset when you are much too sick to attend. Or perhaps he should try to control the dose and accompany you? The thought of you among the roses in a stylish outfit is doing odd things to his chest. ~~~~ "I don't know what it is you want but please stop." Azul is the only one who would ever be brave enough to scold him like this. "I never liked watching you tease the prefect, but since they were willing to work at a lesser rate I endured it but this is just painful."

"Oya, I take offense to that." Jade "sniffles" because truly he does not know what to do. Who would have thought a simple request for some time off would- well never mind of course it would spark a debate. But he hadn't listed the prefect at all in his note, just that his club would be going camping over the weekend and he was intending to be unavailable. Just because he has been addicted to your presence as of late does not mean anything. Sure, he has not poisoned you in a while (you almost seem disappointed, what a truly tempting little-) "I assure you everything I have done is with the prefect's consent." Has he truly been spending so much time with you that it is obvious you will be tagging along? And why does the idle thought that this could invite danger cause such a painful feeling- fear could it be fear that he is feeling? Over you?

Azul massages his temples as he lets out a truly painful sigh. "That's sort of the problem, have you even thought about what that means?" Jade increases the volume of his sobs. "Of course you haven't look, I will approve your request but please for the love of the sea do not do anything actionable?"

"I have no idea what you could possibly be implying." His cries magically dissipating as he happily goes to his room to look through his closet and prepare. ~~~~ Jade dreams of Yuu that night. He dreams of the plush of your lips and thighs, of the comforting grip of your hand as he walks down the hallway or along a trail, his mind is tortured with images of what he pictures your sleeping face to be like.

He awakes with the realization that he will soon know. Azul was right he had not thought about what any of this meant, of his actions, of yours. And if he must own the truth he still does not know what yours mean, and that scares him even if he laughs loud enough for Floyd to throw a pillow at his head.

"I love them." He whispers to the terrariums on his wall. "I love them." He vows to the mushrooms in his garden and the moon somewhere up in the sky over the seas. How unpredictable, how beautiful, how very much like him to not tell you why he insists on feeding you himself on your trip, or rests your head in his lap the next time you sleep off the poison. There is a process to these things, he thinks anyway, and Jade has been impolite enough to skip several steps. Perhaps, he idly thinks as he traces the size of your finger, you will let him skip several more? After all, there is so very much you deserve, and he is surprisingly willing to give.

[starcursedluvrs]

Part II of “TALK”:

“REFINED”

I suguru x pregnant!reader

“So I’ll try to talk

Refined

for fear that you’d find out…”

summary: read part I here! a continuation of the first part of Talk! this installment focuses more on the development of suguru and reader’s relationship, as well as some cute little plot complications that are thrown in their way (sorry not sorry for the angst) <3

A/N: heyyy!! guys i’m so sorry for how delayed this is. i just started a new job and life has been ✨hectic✨ to say the least. there will be a part III and IV, and at least part III will (hopefully) be ready by the time i have to move back to uni. regardless, i’m still very excited to share this and i hope y’all enjoy. (again, likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated <3). 

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. 

warnings!: SPOILERS FOR GOJO’S PAST ARC. THIS IS A PREGNANCY FIC! 18+. nsfw. f!reader. suguru and reader are over the age of 18. explicit sexual content. unprotected sex/oral (f!receiving). breeding kink. fingering. creampie. pregnancy. unplanned pregnancy. lactation kink. lots of angst (and comfort). there’s some more blood in this. gore (it isn’t too in depth). mentions of child abuse. the twins make a few appearances. cute domestic fluff hehe. 

wc: 12k

tag list: @username23345 @chilichopsticks @pjofics @tazuduck @sakui1

“Now, cup your hands and support his head,” cooed your mother,” Yes, just like that.” 

You were 11, and it was your first time holding a baby. You were afraid to hold something so small and so fragile in your hands. But, what you didn’t expect was the intense, overwhelming feeling of love that engulfed you. You pressed a kiss to his forehead, and caught a whiff of that precious newborn scent. It smelled like heaven.

From then on, you were basically Norotoshi’s second mother. You loved that kid - he made your dark world brighter. 

You loved to play with him, kiss his boo boos better. It was your job as the older sibling; you had to protect him. So, you gave him the love and adoration of which you wish you had as a child. 

Sure, your mother was attentive, but the moment it was found that you possessed Blood Manipulation, your time with her was restricted. She was seen as a distraction, which is why you greatly appreciated the arrival of your baby brother. 

One of your favorite memories of him was when you tried to teach him to play hide and seek. As a 2 year old, he didn’t really understand the concept, so every time finished counting and pretended like you couldn’t see his chubby little legs peeking out from behind a curtain, he would run out from the window and tackle you in the tiniest, but strongest, bear hug. 

He's the reason you wanted children so badly. Surely, if they’re all like your sweet Norotoshi, they can’t be that bad for the world. 

… 

January, 2008 (30 weeks) 

Norotoshi stood in the doorway of you and Suguru’s shared suite, drenched in a scarlet substance. Suguru immediately excused himself to make sure there’d was no other lurking threat in the house. 

“Norotoshi, sweetheart, are you okay? Are you hurt? Is this your blood? Where’s Kaachan? Why are you here al-” 

“NEE-CHAN,” your little brother cut you off and ran to your leg, blood dripping all over the floor as he went. 

The emotions of the moment overwhelmed you, and tears began to flow down your face. You slowly sunk to the ground to reach his level. You and your brother sobbed into each other's arms for a moment. 

As you did when he was a baby, you pressed kisses into his forehead, not caring whether or not you got blood on your lips. Even if you did, you would be able to use your technique to wipe it away.

“Toshi, look at me for a second, are you hurt?” You asked as you finally collected yourself. 

“Deep breaths, it’s okay, you’re safe now.” 

“T-they said you,” Norotoshi took a deep sniffle, snot starting to drip down his nose, “They said you were bad. And I said no my nee-chan isn’t bad. But they told me something bad would happen if I didn’t talk to you.”

“Who’s ‘they’?” You asked, a little more panicked. “What exactly did they tell you?” 

“The clan leader. And Oto-San. They told me about a deal, and if you say yes, you can come back home.”

It had been years since you had been home, before your time at Jujutsu Tech. You didn’t even consider that place your home. It’s just the shell that houses you and Norotoshi, the person you actually thought of as home. However, your home was with Suguru now. 

“They also said you can see Kaachan again. She can move back home if you come!” Norotoshi looked quite hopeful. 

It had also been years since you had seen your mother. Four to be exact. She was sent away on Norotoshi’s third birthday - something about getting in the way of training. 

Norotoshi was a very intelligent boy. As soon as he was born, you knew he was going to be the next heir and clan leader. After all, your father’s actual wife hadn’t produced any children with the family technique. Your mother was a concubine, there to preoccupy your father and fulfill his need for an heir. Sure, you and Norotoshi had other half-siblings, but they despised you, as you and your brother were the only ones born with the blood manipulation technique.  

When you were four, you found yourself with a deep cut on your knees following an unsuccessful attempt to climb a tree. When you went to the infirmary on the campus of the Kamo estate, you willed your leg to stop the bleeding. And it did. The blood on your knee cap hardened, and it was declared that you possessed blood manipulation.

That was the first interaction with your father that you could remember. But, you knew you would never be allowed to be a clan head, regardless of the power you posessed. You were female. Deep down, you knew they would never let a woman run the clan. Besides, you were already a disgrace to your family. 

What did they want now?

“Norotoshi, what did they say?” you pressed.

“You’re having a baby right?” Norotoshi asked, pointing to your belly.

“Sweetheart, first of all, I taught you that it’s rude to point. Second, yes, me and Suguru are having a baby,” you said with a soft smile, taking Norotoshi’s tiny hand and placing it on your belly.

“Oto-san told me to tell you that if you come home, you and Sugu will be protected by the clan. All of the charges will be dropped against you two, and you can live in peace,” 

Suspicious. You knew it was bogus that the charges would be dropped against you. Your clan was powerful, but not that powerful. 

“Oto-san also said that if you come home, we can see Kaachan again! She can move back and help you with the baby. The only thing is…” Norotoshi got quiet again and his cheeks went a little red, and not from the blood staining his cheeks.

“What’s the only thing?” 

“Oto-san wants to be the baby’s dad and adopt it. And the baby’s family name will be Kamo, so that if it gets Sugu’s technique…”

“… it will become a hereditary Kamo technique,” you finished, realization dawning upon you. 

“Yeah.”

“Wow. 

You knew your father was a power-drunk misogynistic scumbag who thinks all you were good for was passing Blood Manipulation down to offspring, but you never thought he would actually go this far. He wanted to take your child from you. He was probably planning on killing Suguru the moment you stepped foot on the estate, and kept you prisoner somewhere until the baby was born. Then, he would turn you over and get the reward money. 

However, more questions arose.

How did he know you were pregnant? 

How did he know where you lived? 

Did he come here alone?” 

He knew the risk of sending his heir into the vipers den with a special grade. 

“DOLL, IT'S A TRAP,” Suguru screamed from somewhere down the hall.

“I’m sorry, nee-chan. They threatened to out right kill you if I didn’t do it,” Norotoshi started crying again. You didn’t know what to do, so you just wrapped him in your arms again. 

“Shhh, Toshi, I know. It’s okay, that must have been so scary, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left.” 

“Toshi, I have your nee-chan, it’s going to be okay. They won’t try anything while you’re in here, you’re too precious to them,” Suguru sounded exhausted as his frame appeared in the doorway, blood soaking through his socks and zori. “I need you to do something if you want to save your sister. Can you go to the bathroom for me and freshen up? There’s some hair products and face wash if you want to take a shower, okay?” Suguru continued, his smooth tone not at all matching his appearance. 

Nototoshi shook in your arms before slowly nodding as you led him to the bathroom, telling him everything was going to be okay. Once you put him in the bathroom and showed him where all of the fancy bath salts were, you whispered, “I love you,” into his ear and wrapped him into a final bear hug before closing the door softly. 

“We need to move,” Suguru whispered, “I found the sorcerer who put up a veil,” One of my followers undercover. That's how they knew. We have to move fast.”

“Where are the girls?” 

“Larue left with them already, they’re at one of the safe houses. I sent them out as soon as I killed the barricade of sorcerers outside. And my ex-follower. It’s only a matter of time before they realize what happened.”

Suguru then summoned that pink curse again, the very one you used the last time you had to make a quick getaway. Suguru helped you on, leading your arm as you sat down and immediately took off, leaving one of your homes behind.

Guilt gnawed through your brain as you remembered that you had two homes; one with Suguru, and your old one, with Norotoshi. The same Norotoshi who you practically raised. The same Norotoshi who was so innocent and sweet, now tainted with the poison that is clan politics. It’s your fault he was going to become clan leader. It’s your fault he had to go through all of this. If only you had taken him with you that night. 

Because you only had two people in your life to call home, the loss of one felt like someone was pressing on your chest, squeezing the air out of you. You sobbed so hard, nothing came out. Your shallow breaths filled the night sky, Suguru whispering apologies into your ear, wrapping his warm, safe arms around you. 

… 

By the time you got to the new safe house, a villa in Okinawa, you had cried yourself to sleep against Suguru. Suguru gently lifted you off of the pink alien-looking curse and carried you into the tiny safe house. 

It was a cute two bedroom house, secluded behind a canopy of trees, fog from the sea, and the far off mountains of Okinawa. It was modern in style, but luxurious nonetheless. 

Suguru opened the western-style carved wooden door to the cozy house and carried you inside, bridal style. His soft steps echoed up the sleek white stairs as he brought you upstairs to your new shared room. 

Suguru turned left down the small hallway and opened the door to your room. 

“Hey doll, we’re home. Can I help you get changed? You’ll feel better in the morning if we get you cleaned up right now.”

You slowly stirred from your slumber, the baby grounding you back to reality by giving your stomach a strong kick. 

“Gimme a sec, your baby is trying to bruise my ribs it seems.” You took Suguru’s hand and placed it over your dirty robes where the baby was moving. 

A tired smile crossed his face as little kicks pressed into his large, heavy hands. It was truly amazing how such a strong, powerful, and dangerous man was reduced to nothing but a dopey, wonder-filled expression from such a tiny, unborn human. 

“Wait, love. Mimi, Nana, we have to check on them, they don’t like sleeping in new place-”

“My love, they’re safe and okay. They’re sleeping soundly at the other end of the hall. There’s a veil around us, so only us four are allowed in the house. We can go check on them after we get the both of us clean, okay?”

“Okay.”

He helped you up, which was becoming increasingly more difficult with your growing belly. After pressing a kiss to the top of your hand, he led you into the cramped, but cozy bathroom. 

Suguru had you sit on the toilet cover as he turned the faucet on and pressed his fingers into the stream of liquid to check the temperature. He started humming a soft, melodic tune as he went about his business. He seemed to be deep in thought about something else. 

You almost fell asleep, until you felt his strong, warm hands going to unzip your coat and get you out of your blood-stained clothes. He did the same for himself, and helped you into the tub. His mind still seemed to be elsewhere. 

The water felt like a warm embrace against your back and aching hips. You let out a sigh as Suguru entered the tub behind you, causing the water to splash and ripple around you. The bathroom already seemed to be fully stocked with all of your favorite products. Suguru picked up a pink loofah, squeezed some body soap onto it, and began to rub small circles at your back. The only sound in the room was the water dripping down from the loofah into the water below. 

“Doll?” Suguru spoke after a while. You knew that face; he needed a question answered. 

“Yes, love?” You responded.

“Do you remember that western myth Yaga taught us as second years? Eurydice and Orpheus?”

Yes. You remembered very well. Yaga was attempting to teach a lesson in death and humility; how sometimes, you have to let your partners go no matter how painful it was. That was just the life of a Jujutsu Sorcerer. You always had to prepare yourself for death. 

After Yaga taught that lesson, You, Suguru, and Satoru got into an argument over whether or not Orpheus was stupid for turning around to see if Eurydice was really there. You did not think he was an idiot. Satoru and Suguru did. 

“Yes, why? That’s such a random memory to bring up now,” you half-heartedly chuckled. 

“Well, today scared me a lot. I’ve been having a lot of anxiety and fear about if something happened to you. Or the girls. I don’t care about anyone else; you’re my world. I just want to keep you safe.”

More silence followed as you took in his words. Suguru continued on to cleaning your arms. 

“I’m sorry about today, Sugu. I-,” 

“Why are you apologizing? That’s not what I wanted out of telling you that.”

“Then what did you want?” 

“Do you remember the argument me, you, and Satoru had after?” He continued.

“Of course.” 

“If anything ever happened to you, or baby, I think I would become that dumbass Orpheus,” Suguru stated. He sounded so distraught. 

“Love, what do you mean?” You turned your body as best you could and smiled at him, shaking you head. 

“If I ever lost you or baby, I don’t know if I would be able to pull myself together. I would turn around. I would crawl into a hole like the night we defected. Except, that night, I only stopped after killing a few people. Bad people, who deserved to die. There was reason, and logic, and a point to that too. But still, if something happened I would probably claw my way darker into a hole where I wouldn’t be able to see the light anymore. I’m scared I would hurt myself and other people. Without reason. That’s what I mean by turning around.” 

It took a moment but you turned your body around awkwardly in the tub to face him. It was the first time you really got a clear look at his face in the light that day. Suguru seemed to be on the verge of tears. His eye bags were back, and he looked pale. 

You took one of your hands to cup his face, and he snuggled into it. 

“Love, as long as you’re protecting me and I still have my technique, we’re not going anywhere. I’m sorry today scared you, it scared me too.”

You pressed a kiss to his lips, forehead, and then rested the top of your head against his. 

“But I don’t believe you would go that far. There is good in you Suguru, even if you don’t believe in it. I believe it. Sure, we both do questionable things sometimes, but you have a good heart.” 

“Thank you for listening, doll. I’m sorry if this got dark.” 

“No, stop apologiz-“

“I thought I told you to stop apologizing first.” 

You playfully splashed Suguru with some of the water and kissed him.

“How about for a change, you let me take care of you, and I will make the four of us a crepe feast tomorrow morning. How does that sound?” 

“That sounds delicious,” he responded, in between sweet kisses. 

You sat like that for a while; intertwined in each other's arms, kissing, soaking in what little moments of normalcy your new life had to offer. 

…

February 3rd, 2008 (32 weeks) 

“Suguru, she’s not late yet.”

You were standing in the kitchen, helping Suguru to clean up the nice brunch you had for Suguru’s 20th birthday. Suguru was scrubbing dishes, while you were drying them and putting them away. Mimiko and Nanako were in the living room, painting with a new water color set Suguru had bought for them.

“But this is her birthday present to me, don’t you think she should be on time? You know what, maybe I shouldn’t have given her the exact location. What if she sold us out?” Suguru handed you a plate.  

“Love, I don’t think Shoko would tell anyone. She’s my best friend, we’re safe. I don’t trust anyone else to deliver the baby right now.” You punctuated your point by setting the plate down in its correct cabinet. 

“Maybe an actual doctor?” Suguru said under his breath. If looks could kill, Suguru would be a dead man. You shot that idea down immediately with your sour expression. 

“Yes, sure, let me just have my magical child in a place that’s known to be a madhouse for attracting cursed spirits, not to mention, Jujutsu Sorcerers along with it.” You grabbed another plate from his hand, and set it down as gently as you could, given your heightened emotions. This was a constant subject of bickering in your household. You understood where Suguru was coming from, but after what happened with Norotoshi at the Monastery, you were scared of someone coming to hurt your family. 

You had told Shoko the location of the new safe house and asked her to come and check on the baby, as you were too afraid to ask anyone else. You still had the portable ultrasound machine that she had given you in Shinjuku, but you wanted someone that knew more about this than you. Besides, if anything was wrong, Shoko could just heal it with her reverse curse technique. 

“Are you sure you altered the veil to let Shoko inside?” 

“I think so, but I can check quickly,” Suguru replied, handing you the last dish and heading toward the entrance of your home.

Suguru opened the impeccably crafted door to see Shoko, standing where the veil met the rest of the world. Even from 50 feet away, you could see she was pissed. When Suguru recast the spell to allow Shoko inside, she ran full force at Suguru, knocking him over, and began hitting him with her purse. 

“YOU. PROMISED. TO. TAKE. CARE. OF. HER. YOU. BIRTHDAY. BITCH. AND. THIS. IS. WHAT. HAPPENS,” Shoko screamed as she punctuated every word with a flick of her brown handbag.  “SUGURU, THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND RIGHT THERE.”

“KOKO STOP, ITS OKAY, I’M OKAY,” you yelled back at her, waddling down the steps as best you could. 

Shoko quickly healed the marks on Suguru’s face and ran to embrace you in a hug. 

“Ha, I know, I just wanted to mess with him. I am a little mad though. What happened with Noritoshi shouldn’t have happened. I missed you.” And she wrapped you in a tight bear hug. 

“Hey, doll, can we maybe find a doctor that doesn’t punch the father-to-be to death?” Suguru retorted, rubbing his neck as he walked up to the both of you.

“It was totally in my right to beat you up like that. I never got to punch you before for getting her pregnant. That payment was overdue, with accumulated interest. But, hi, I guess. And happy birthday too.” 

The two didn’t hug. In fact, Shoko kept her distance from Suguru, and they shared a curious head nod. Something was up. You’d bother her about it later.

“Ok, I don’t have a ton of time, I got permission to leave campus for a few hours, but I have to be back by tonight. Let’s get inside.” 

With that, Suguru helped you up the stairs to the door and led Shoko into the house. You entered the living room, and immediately the girls had questions. You hadn’t let anyone into your house in a few weeks, so Shoko was a rare treat for them. 

“Mama Geto, who’s that lady?” Nanako said a little too loudly. 

“What- did- did you have 2 more babies in the 4 or so months I haven’t seen you?” Shoko whispered into your ear. 

“I’ll explain later, just play along. Me and Sugu are fostering them.” 

Shoko rolled her eyes a little and shook her head, laughing in disbelief. 

“Mimiko, Nanako. This is Auntie Shoko. She’s one of my best friends, and she’s just here to check up on the baby,” You told them.  

“Woah, can I watch?” Mimiko asked.

“Can I watch too?” Nanako spoke over her sister. 

“Yes, girls, but you have to give Mama and Auntie Shoko some space, okay? Remember when we talked about the importance of personal space?” Suguru cut in. 

“Okay,” Nanako responded. She looked a little sad as she said it. 

The five of you all sat in the small living room, you on the couch, and Shoko on the coffee table. There was one other chair in the room, which was set to the left of the coffee table, next to the couch, which the twins shared. Suguru positioned himself next to you, holding your thigh for comfort. 

Shoko produced another portable ultrasound out of her bag, complete with a bulky screen. Next, she took out some of the cold, clear gel.

“Can you lift your shirt so I can put the gel on?” Shoko asked.

You did so wordlessly as Shoko spread the cool substance over your protruding belly. 

Suguru’s hold on your thigh grew tighter, his breaths less frequent.

Anxiety pooled in your gut alongside your unborn, somersaulting child, who thought it was a spectacular time to showcase their gymnastic feats. 

You took a deep breath and braced for the scanning instrument to make contact with your taut skin, placing your hand atop of Suguru’s in reassurance. 

“You drank water before, right?” Shoko questioned.

“Suguru made me chug at least 3 cups before you showed up,” you giggled.

“Well, at least he’s good for something,” Shoko joked right back, easing some of the thick tension in the room. 

“Ok, I’m gonna go ahead and scan you now,” Shoko confirmed. The doctor-in-training gently pressed the instrument to the cold gel, and a loud thumping sound began to play back on the screen. 

An image also appeared. Cloudy, gray, and black at first, but it slowly shifted into a picture of your baby. 

Holy shit. 

These past few weeks haven’t felt real; your clan using your sweet brother against you, moving to a new place away from the life you knew.

 But this. 

This small, pulsing little thing on the camera screen made it all worth it. Tears welled up in your eyes. 

Shoko hummed and scanned around your stomach for a few minutes, and the tension resumed its build. 

All was quiet until Shoko cracked one of her rare smiles and asked, “Do you want to know the sex?”

“You can tell?” Nanako piped up.

“Yes,” Shoko had to fight back a giggle of excitement. 

“Do you want to find out?” Suguru whispered softly. 

“Well, it’s your birthday,” you responded, your voice barely coming out of your throat. 

“Then, yes, please.” You’d never seen your fiancé look so timid. 

“Well…you have a healthy baby girl!”

“You were right, Sugu,” you smiled brightly as tears trickled down your face.

“I usually am,” he joked, a smoldering grin plastered across his mouth. 

You rolled your eyes and kissed him, deeply.

“Ewwww,” Nanako made a disgusted face.

“The kids’ right, get a room,” Shoko snorted. 

“Can we dress her up?” Mimiko got right to asking the important questions.

“Oooh Mama Geto, you have makeup, right?” Her blonde twin added, jumping up from the chair in excitement. 

“Hey, I want in too. As Auntie, it’s my duty to teach her to chug a beer, or light a cig-“

“OKAYyyyy that’s enough Auntie Shoko,” you said as you fake smiled through your teeth. 

“Hahaha the Auntie lady said doo-ty” Nanako toppled over in a fit of laughter.

“Nanako, that’s not even funny. What’s a beer Mama?” Mimiko asked without skipping a beat. 

You sighed. “It’s a grown-up drink, Mimi.” 

“Girls, I have an idea. Why don’t you start gathering all the ingredients for the birthday cake, and we can all bake together! Just give me, Mama, and Auntie Shoko a few minutes, okay?” Suguru was born to be a parent. He was so good at making every little task for the girls into a game - a happy, go lucky childhood that you desperately wished for your child. And Suguru was there to deliver. 

The girls ventured off to the kitchen, leaving the three of you alone to talk. 

“So, it’s a healthy girl,” Shoko spoke, breaking the silence.  

“But I’m a little worried about you, Y/N.” 

“Why?”

“What’s wrong with her?” Suguru’s face was grave. 

“Nothing’s wrong right now, per say. But your blood pressure is a little high for my taste. I’m going to give you some labetalol to help with that. But, you need to take it easy. Nothing exciting for the next few weeks. I’ll come back and check on you again soon. Right now, we should make a plan for when the baby comes,” Shoko explained.

“Shoko’s right, doll. We need a birth plan,” Suguru chimed in.

“And we should figure out who should come and stand guard outside. I suggest Mei Mei, she won’t care as long as you pa-“

“Stop. Talking. Everyone. Please.” You took a deep breath. “This is just… a lot.” 

You were so overstimulated. 

“Please, can we talk about this later? I just want to bake the cake and celebrate Suguru’s birthday. This isn’t helping to lower my blood pressure at all,” you exhaled. 

Lip trembling, you felt yourself on the verge of tears. 

“Oh, no sweetie, I’m sorry,” Shoko cooed 

“Doll, we didn’t mean to overwhelm you-“ 

“I know you didn’t mean to, but it’s still a lot. My life is just so different than it was seven, eight months ago. Sometimes I just wish we were back at school. It was just so… simple. I- I try to be strong for you, Sugu, and the girls, but I- just- I-“ you buried your face in your hands and sobbed. 

Norotoshi. That first night with the girls. You and Suguru laying in the soft grass by Jujutsu High. 

You felt like you were watching your life through a screen. For a moment, you looked outside the window. It was a little hard to tell with the veil, but it appeared as if it was pouring rain, making mud out of the earthy ground below. 

“Hey, Suguru, can you give us a minute? I think the girls will burn down the house if they don’t have adult supervision soon,” Shoko half joked. 

Suguru looked a bit pained at the suggestion. He wanted to be with you, especially in a stressful moment like this. Shoko pulled Suguru aside, closer towards the shoji door separating the living room from the kitchen. 

Shoko didn’t get emotional very often, she was rather accomplished at hiding what she was feeling behind a mask of sarcasm and attitude. But, for a moment, Suguru could read her. She was upset. More than upset. She was angry.

“Look, I haven’t had a conversation with her that wasn’t about the baby since before you took her away,” Shoko snapped. 

Suguru’s eyes got wide in offense to Shoko’s comment. 

“She came with me of her own will, Shoko. No one made her do anything, or took her anywhere-” 

“No, you did. You did. Your selfish, dumbass didn’t use protection. Do you think she would actually still be attached to you if she wasn’t carrying your child?” 

“Aren’t you sick of being used as a tool by the Jujutsu elders?”

“Save your bullshit for your cultish followers. We’re not friends anymore, Geto. I’m not friends with murderers. I’m here for her and that is all.” 

“Yet, you’re still friends with Satoru. How many people has he murdered?” 

Shoko swallowed, pondering Suguru’s comment. 

“He has done it for the greater good.” 

“Oh, really? What’s the greater good? I just got word that there’s a child who was born with a powerful curse technique. However, he has a heavenly restriction that paralyzes him from the neck down. He is allergic to sunlight, even moonlight can burn his skin. Yet, the elders keep him alive and have him suffer because his technique is ‘too valuable to lose.’ Is that the greater good that Satoru kills for? The greater good that I kill for is one where my children do not have to live in fear of being controlled or used as a weapon. People have already tried to come for Y/N and our child because they see her as a weapon. She’s not even born yet. And all they see is a weapon. I will not allow any of my daughters to be used like we were.” A vein was sticking out Suguru’s forehead

Shoko took a deep breath as she collected her thoughts. 

“We were the strongest. You, me, Y/N, and Satoru. No one hates the elders more than me and Satoru. But you’re going about it the wrong way. This isn’t the answer, and I hope both of you see that.” 

Shoko turned on her heel to walk out through the kitchen. You and Suguru both followed her to the door. Suguru walked with the intention of escorting her out; you with the intention of keeping her close to you.

“Shoko, please don’t leave yet, we- we have cake…” you begged. 

Shoko faced you once more, placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“I’m not leaving you; it’s your house I’m leaving. I’ll send you a secure location to meet in the next few weeks. I’ll bring Mei Mei for muscle, just in case. Tell Geto he is not allowed. Goodbye, Y/N,” she said, stepping out under the veil surrounding the building. 

As soon as she reached the edge of the veil, she was drenched by the thick droplets that fell from the sky. 

Shoko was just thankful that you wouldn’t be able to make out the tears falling down her face alone with the rain. 

…

Beginning of March, 2008 (35 weeks)

35 weeks had come and gone, and you felt absolutely disgusting. You heard a rumor that pregnancy was supposed to have you glowing, but you think whoever said that was just trying to come up with some wild propaganda to help the aging population of Japan. 

Nothing fit you anymore, not even the nice robes Suguru bought for you. You sat on the floor of your closet, inspecting yourself in front of the mirror in nothing but a clean pair of underwear. Stretch marks decorated the sides of your tummy and breasts, the little tiger stripes making a pattern down your body. Your hips had them as well, and you couldn’t even see past your belly anymore. It had been a week since you and Suguru had found some time for sex and intimacy; you were both so exhausted. 

So, you just cried, pushing your head into your hands, mourning for your changing body. Muffled footsteps started up the stairs, alerting you that your boyfriend was home. 

“Doll, I ended the meeting early today, I was thinking we could do something just the two of us. Maybe dinner? A movie? You name it.” 

You could feel Suguru searching for your through your shared room. He was going to find you here pathetically crying to yourself eventually, so, you cleaned yourself up as best you could, but you were unsuccessful in hiding your sniffles. Suguru opened the door to your closet to you, crying, wearing nothing but your panties. 

“My love, what are you doing down there?”

You don’t know what came over you, but that made you sob even harder.

“Shhh, it’s okay sweetheart. What’s up, do you just need to cry?” 

You nodded your head as you attempted to cover your body in embarrassment. Taking note of your body language, Suguru took a step back from you. However, his eyes were on you as he realized you were wearing nothing but your underwear. 

He thought you were the most beautiful thing he had ever set his eyes on. Sure you were absolutely gorgeous before he got you pregnant, but now, gods, he didn’t have words to describe your beauty. Suguru Geto was rarely speechless, and your beauty rendered him as such. 

He loved how your body had grown and changed to accommodate your child, physical proof of your love. He didn’t think it was possible, but he was even more attracted to you than ever before. The last week had been hard on him, and no sex had been even harder. Nothing offered him the same emotional release than when you were sobbing on his cock, telling you how much he loved you and would always protect you. 

After a few minutes of you sobbing, and Suguru staring, you finally opened up.

“I feel disgusting,” 

“Doll, no, you’re so beau-“

“-You’re just saying that because you have to,” you looked up and away from him in an attempt to keep more tears from spilling. “I’m so huge, none of my clothes fit. My skin is ruined. And you haven’t touched me in a week. Is that what it’s attributed to?” You squeaked out, your voice hardly above a whisper.

“Doll, look at me,” Suguru crouched down to your level and took your face in his hands, holding on to your chin.

“Even if you were 100 years old and your face was lined with wrinkles, I would think you were the most beautiful woman I had ever set my eyes on. You know why?”

“No.” You just wanted him to make you feel better already. 

“Because these lines and marks are all reminders that you are alive and safe, and what is more beautiful than that? Aging is a privilege; having this child with you is a privilege, as is getting to watch you two grow. And, honestly, I’ve never been more sexually attracted to you than I am right now. Your skin isn’t ruined; it’s fine art to me. Like someone took a magical brush and painted proof of our love for each other on your body. I haven’t touched you in a week because you seemed exhausted and I didn’t want to stress you or baby.“

Suguru began to kiss your tears away, making his way to your mouth. 

He captured your lips in a sweet, salty kiss.

“And I love your belly. It means the baby is healthy,” he whispered, continuing down to your breasts. “It also means you’re full of me. Everyone knows we belong to each other because I fucked my baby into you.” 

You knew he wasn’t lying; you could see the very obvious tent in his pants. You could also feel yourself dampening your panties. Gods, you needed this so badly. 

Suguru took one of your full, heavy tits into his hand, and brushed against your nipple, making you whine. He moved in back of you so you could see the two of you in the mirror. 

“Look at these. So sensitive. So pretty.” Suguru latched himself to your neck, leaving a little love bite, and smoothing it over with his tongue when he was done. “Can’t wait till these start dripping milk,” he admitted, moving to the other nipple to give it the same treatment. You were absolutely drenched at this point. 

“Let’s move to the bed, I don’t want to ruin the carpet-“ you panicked. 

“-So? If it gets ruined, it gets ruined. I’ll buy a new one. Right now, I need to show you how much I love and adore you. The only thing you need to worry about is the number of times you’re gonna fall apart on my mouth, fingers, and cock tonight.”

You let a whimper escape your throat as his hands moved to the inside of your thighs, rubbing tantalizingly close to your core.

“Also, I forgot one thing, doll,” Suguru continued.

“Whaaa,” you half asked, half moaned.

“If you don’t follow my instructions exactly, you don’t get to cum. Can you do that for me, gorgeous?” His fingers ghosted over your clit and swiveled over your dripping entrance instead, making you shiver. 

You nodded your head in response.

“Need a verbal answer, doll,” Suguru cooed, a sly grin forming on his lips. 

“Yes, I ca-AHHH-“ as soon as the word “yes,” left your mouth, Suguru sunk one of his thick fingers into your waiting cunt, his thumb slowly rubbing your clit. The stimulation was so intense, you had to close your eyes.

“Be a good girl and open your eyes for me. I need you to see how absolutely breathtaking you look right now, spread open on my fingers, taking me so well.” 

You complied and opened your eyes, taking in the state of you. Your legs were thrown to either side of you and placed over Suguru’s thighs to allow him easier access. Your pussy was so wet that your arousal started to drip on the carpet beneath you. Your hair was disheveled, your pupils blown with lust. Your cheeks had the softest touch of pink added to them. The image in front of you looked so lewd, as were the accompanying squelches coming from your core. You couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed. Just as you tilted your head down in shame, Suguru took the hand that was not currently buried inside your cunt and grabbed your chin to tilt upwards. 

“None of that, or you won’t get to cum. Look how beautiful you come apart f’me,” you opened your eyes again and noticed that his breathing started getting more shallow. “Now, I know your fingers aren’t as long as mine, so I’ll keep them where they are. I need you to start rubbing here,” he took the hand on your chin to cup your breast and tweak your nipple. You gasped at the contact. 

You did as he said, and began to rub small, soft circles into your nipples. You thought you were going to cum right then and there. “Good Girl. Wish I could keep you all stuffed and round like that forever.” 

“Sugu- I’m gonna- please,”

“How could I say no to that? Let go, doll,” and with that, you reached your high for the first time that night, juices leaking everywhere. 

Suguru helped you through your orgasm, then slipped his fingers out and sucked them clean. 

“Look at your little hole, clenching around nothing. Tell me, did you try to get yourself off at all this week when I wasn’t there? Be honest.” Suguru said in a condescending tone. 

“I. I…tried too, but my fingers aren’t big enough. And I get so tired so easily,” you replied breathlessly, still recuperating from your climax. 

“What a dirty girl,” Suguru smirked into your shoulder. “I had no time to, but the past few hours, all I could think about was your body wrapped around mine, sucking me dry-“ 

“I can’t believe how pent up we both are after just one week,” You cut in.

“I can. Like I said, I’ve never been more attracted to you than I am right now. Now, on your hands and knees, my love. I’m gonna fill you right up. That's it, what a good girl. My girl.” 

You struggled a bit, but eventually got yourself on all fours. You looked a mess. Stray baby hairs were sticking to your face from the sweat. You watched in the mirror as Suguru stripped his crew neck and sweats as fast as he possibly could.

No matter how many times you had seen it and had it inside of you, his thick cock both impressed and intimidated you. Suguru put on a little show, and gave his dick a few pumps before disappearing behind you to line up with your pussy. When he sunk in, you both gritted your teeth and gasped at the contact.

“I’m- I’m gonna scoop you up and put you on my lap, okay? I’ll swing your legs over mine once we get settled to make it easier for you.” Suguru was already breathless, and he had barely done anything. 

“Ahhh- Sugu-“ 

“Shhh, I got you. You don’t have to do anything, just let me do the work for right now, and you watch yourself in the mirror.” 

He pulled you up and back on to his lap, allowing him to bottom out in one fell swoop. 

“Sugu-“ 

“Hold on, don't move, I-I might cum if you do.” 

You felt delirious. So full. You missed him so much. 

“You feel how hard I am inside of you? This is all you, love,” Suguru moaned, cupping your lower belly gently. He parted your legs more, so that they went over his muscular thighs. The new position pushed him even deeper. Suguru kept his hands at the apex of your thighs, both to restrain and tease you some more. 

“Suguru ple- please move or I wuhhh-“

Suguru’s hands tensed where they were, effectively keeping you in place. Then, Suguru lost control and bucked up into your warmth, hitting your sweet spot with precision, as if he had memorized it. You started circling your hips, allowing his dick to continue to kiss that area that brought you immense pleasure. 

“That’s it baby, use me for your own pleasure. Doing so- uh- so good,” he grunted. “My girl,” Suguru said, moving one of his hands on your thigh to your throat. 

“Eyes up here,” he commanded. “Look so good with this necklace, huh? You’re all mine, love. All mine, and everyone knows because I fucked my baby into you.” 

You whined, drool starting to slip out of the corner of your mouth. You looked ruined, body covered in a mix of sweat, spit, and cum. “Whenever you’re ready, give it to me,” Suguru purred, dizzy with his own pleasure. 

“Clit-“ you choked out. Suguru brought down the other large hand that was on your thigh to play with the swollen nub. “Gonna cum, Sugu, Gon-“ you chanted like a prayer as you came for the second time. Suguru kept rubbing through your high, occasionally bucking up into you. 

“Shhh, I got you. My girl. My beautiful, lovely girl. I love you so much.” Your orgasm hit you hard. It was glorious, exhilarating even, but exhausting all in one. 

When you came to, you realized that Suguru still hadn’t cum. 

“My love, use me to cum,” you pleaded to the inky haired man in back of you. 

“I can take care of myself if you’re too tir-“ 

“Suguru. Get. Inside me. Now,” 

“Are you sure?”

“Suguru. Geto.” 

“Fine. You asked for it.” 

Suguru went back into the main bedroom quickly and returned with pillows in hand. 

“For your arms and knees, love. I wanna go slow and deep.” 

You climbed on top of the soft pillows, placing them beneath you like a makeshift mattress. Suguru gave himself a few pumps again and rubbed at the fat of your ass. 

“Look at you. So beautiful.”

You peaked in the mirror at the state of yourself once again, as if to see if Suguru was bluffing. Yet, Suguru looked at you as if you were the only person in the world.  

One of his hands moved to rub the underside of your stomach. The other lined his cock up to your hold and entered with no resistance. Suguru released a pitiful whimper. You were so immersed in the pleasure, a soundless moan was ripped from your body. 

“I told you this cute tummy would be full of my babies one day,” he purred, voice straining as he began to plunge deep inside of you. 

Each thrust of his hips was calculated, yet frantic. Your walls felt heavenly around his thick length, fluttering and threatening to swallow him whole. He was going to cum soon. 

“You’re mine. Say you’re mine, Y/N,” he spat, guiding his hand to lightly wrap your throat. 

“Y-Yours. All yours. I love you.” As if you were standing with your back to the ocean and the ferocious waves that flowed through them, your orgasm snuck up on you and pulled you under the riptide that was your climax. Your pussy milked Suguru for all he was worth, coaxing him to finish as well. 

“And I’m all yours. Yours,” he chanted a few times before bucking up deep inside of you and finding his release. The familiar warm feeling spread throughout your insides, allowing you to feel light, calm even. Suguru caught you before your legs gave out and hit the floor, manhandling you to lean back on him as he pressed kisses into your collarbone.

You stayed like that on the floor of the closet for a while, taking in the presence of one another. Feeling possessive, Suguru held you in his arms, as if to protect you from the self destructive and self loathing thoughts that attacked you from your own mind. 

After a few moments, Suguru peered deep into your eyes, appearing puzzled. 

“What’s wrong, love?” you questioned.

“I never officially asked the question, did I?”

“No, you didn’t.” You smile sweetly. 

“Okay…

Marry me?” 

“I’ll think about it,” you said, teasing him. Suddenly, you felt very uncomfortable. The wet, cold fluids that covered your body did not make for a very pleasant afterglow experience.

“Maybe if you draw me a bath with that lavender salt, I’ll be persuaded,” you added.

“Anything for you, Mrs. Geto,”  he smirked, slowly moving his body off of the floor. 

“I’m so lucky to have you, Suguru.” 

“And I, you.” 

He arose and turned to the closet door, looking back at you as he held himself against the door frame. 

“Doll, if you ever have those thoughts again, please tell me so I can fuck them out of you,” he bent down, placed a quick kiss on your cheek and ran away before you could move your swollen body to turn and protest.

A tired, blissful smile creeped over your lips. 

And then you remembered his promise.

“I’d end the world for you.”

…

February, 2008 (36 and a half weeks)

Suguru tried to spend as much time with you and the girls, but it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to hold on to his followers without his dangerous presence to encourage cooperation. 

So, more often than not, you found yourself alone with the girls. 

It was an overcast, gloomy, and overall, miserable February day. 

This also happened to be the best time to venture out to the beaches, as there weren’t many people about.

You fed the girls breakfast, dressed them in matching blue and yellow long sleeve swimsuits, and left the safety of your home in lieu of not going completely stir crazy. You adorned yourself in a simple navy sundress with gold buttons. It reminded you of your old life, all of those months ago at school. Before leaving the house, you recast a veil to assure no one would be able to find your safe haven. In case your fiancé came home early, you left a note explaining your whereabouts on the kitchen counter. Mimiko stood on your left, and Nanako to your right. You took their adorable 6 year old hands and led them out into the fresh air.

The girls were ecstatic to leave the house, as this was a rare treat for them. Suguru probably wouldn’t condone you having an outing, but you felt yourself starting to lose your sanity after 4 continuous weeks inside. You needed this just as much as the girls.

Besides, your blood was literally poison to others. If anything happened to you, you had your technique to keep you safe. 

The three of you made your way through the mile of thick trees, frequently stopping for you to rest. The twins collected sticks, made mud potions, and discovered little ant kingdoms. They were having the time of their lives, just as normal children should. You couldn’t wait to give your unborn daughter a childhood too, something you or Suguru never really got the chance to experience. Giggles and singing filled the air as you walked, leaving your heart lighter than when you had awoken that morning. 

Eventually, you reached the small main road that led to the beachfront. The street featured a small strip of shops and restaurants, one of these establishments being a convenience store. 

“Mama, do you remember when we first met you and you tooked us to 7/11?” Nanako asked, bright eyes looking up at you.

“Nanako, it’s took. Tooked isn’t a word.” Mimiko snorted at her sister.

“How do you know? You’re also 6.” Nanako retorted. 

“Yeah but I’m older by a minute, so I know mor-“

“Mimiko.” You gave her a knowing glance. Mimiko intended to push every button of her sister until she broke. 

“Sorry, Nanako.” Mimiko grumbled. 

“Nanako, what were you saying about the 7/11?” 

“Remember when you took us there and you got us snacks and ice cream?” Nanako asked sweetly. 

“Yes, I’ll buy you two ice cream,” you chuckled. 

“REALLY?!” the twins shouted in delight.

“Of course, it’s a special day. We rarely get to go outside,” you beamed at the girls. 

“Can the baby have ice cream too?” Mimiko asked. 

“I guess the baby could have some ice cream,” you laughed. You loved those girls like they were your own. You couldn’t wait for your daughter to join them. 

You led the two of them into the small convenience store. Actually, it was more like the twins led you inside and made a b-line for the ice cream section. 

Once their treats were chosen, you allowed them to pick out a few snacks for the beach as well.

You approached the cashier with the goodies as the girls trailed happily behind. 

“Are you three having a picnic? It’s honestly an awesome day to have one, not many people out on the beach today,” the cashier smiled at the three of you. 

“No, we’re having a princess tea party, actually,” Nanako explained to the friendly man. 

The kind man at the counter couldn’t have been much older than yourself. He probably had a normal life. Went to university, had a stable group of friends. Didn’t become a fugitive at the ripe age of 19…

Mimiko’s insistent tugging on your purse is what dragged your mind away from such thoughts. 

“Mama, you have to pay,” Mimiko reminded you, her tugging only stopping when you responded.

“Oh, sorry, let me grab my card.” You reached into your wallet, grabbing for the hefty black card hidden inside. 

You handed the cashier the card with two hands, nodding your head in apology for the wait. 

He simply smiled at you, and took the card from your hands. 

“Would you like a bag?” He glanced down at your protruding belly and reconsidered his offer. “Actually, I can help you ladies carry the snacks to the beach if you would like. It’s not far, and I go on break in a minute,” the cashier offered.

“That would be so wonderful and helpful! Thank you,” You bowed your head in appreciation.

“It’s the least I could do,” the man responded. 

So, you took the girls by the hands again and led them out of the store, the man trailing behind you with your snacks. 

After walking through a small clearing of trees, the four of you made it to the beachfront. You settled down in front of a tree, so that you would have the support of the bark against you tired, aching back. The cashier then set the bag of food down next to you. 

“Thank you so much again, sir. What is your name by the way? I never asked, I apologize.”

“You can call me Heibara,” he responded. 

Like Haibara, you thought. 

Haibara was such a sweet boy, much like the cashier helping you out. You hadn’t thought about him in a good minute. 

“Thank you, Haibara-san. My name is Geto-san, and these two are my daughters,” you beamed at the girls, who had started building a sand castle and were immediately arguing over who was going to be the princess. 

“Daughters? I thought they were your little sisters!” He joked. You let out a small laugh, feeling at ease talking to someone so, normal. 

“Well, enjoy your beach day with your girls,” Heibara responded. 

“You enjoy your day too! Your kindness has made my week. Thank you, Heibara-san.” 

You bowed again as he left. 

You sat in the lukewarm sand as the girls continued to play and laugh, relishing in the small bit of freedom you afforded yourself. 

You felt like a normal mother with her normal daughters. You absentmindedly rubbed your bump, letting out a peaceful sigh. This was how you wanted to live your life and raise your family. 

About an hour or so of this heavenly normalcy passed before Heibara returned. 

“Hey!” He yelled from the thick canopy of trees. “You forgot your credit card! I totally forgot to give it t-“

Your peace was short lived as a curse shot out from behind the poor cashier, decapitating him in an instant. 

Your first instinct was to gather the girls and run, but something stopped you from this fight or flight response.

Your fiancé’s gojo-kesa flowed in the back of where the decapitated man once stood. 

Suguru ran towards you, relief flashing over his face. He pulled you in for a hug as he spoke. You didn’t hug him back. 

“Doll, thank goodness, I thought I was going to lose you agai-“ 

“Suguru. What the actual fuck.” 

The last time you had seen someone killed, point-blank in front of you, you were 16 years old. And you were standing in front of Reiko Amanai. 

You clutched your stomach protectively, backing up from Suguru. 

You knew what he did to put food on your table and a roof over your head. You knew what he did to his followers if they disobeyed. You didn’t need to see his actions to believe that it was happening.

Yet, you didn’t put two and two together until that moment. 

Suguru was a murderer. But he didn’t just kill Heibara. He had brutally ended the lives of hundreds of people at this point. 

Whether it was deserved or not, Suguru had still taken those lives away.  

“What?” Suguru looked so genuinely confused. 

The girls ran from their sandcastle, excited to see their father figure.

“Papa!!!” Nanako shouted. 

“Hi girls!! Did you have fun with Mama today?” 

“Yes, so much!” Mimiko answered. 

“I think it’s time to go home. Don’t you Suguru? Girls, please go pick up your toys, maybe there will be some extra ice cream after dinner tonight,” you put on the fakest smile you could muster. 

“Whoever picks up more stuff doesn't have to do chores tonight,” Suguru added.

“Out of my way Mimi,” Nanako ran to the spot they were playing at.

You turned to your fiancé, face grim and full of anger.

“You have 2 minutes to explain what the fuck just happened, Suguru.” 

“What happened with me, darling? You are 36 and a half weeks pregnant. You can barely walk down the stairs without help. What do you think you were doing, bringing the girls out here by yourself?”

“You just killed an innocent man. For no reason. In front of your children.” 

“They didn’t even see. Besides, I had a curse devour the remnants,” he responded, as if it would make the situation any better. 

“I don’t want to talk about this in front of the girls. Take us home. We’ll talk there,” you finished as the twins came rushing up to you, their hands full of toys.

“MAMA I PICKED UP MORE TOYS THAN NANA,” Mimiko squealed with delight. 

“Since you girls picked up so many toys, I don’t think either of you need to help with dishes tonight! Great job!” Suguru beamed at the girls. 

“Yeah! We’re gonna go home and eat dinner now.” You added, still out of it. 

The four of you boarded that same pink curse you used for transportation. If you were a typical family, in another life, perhaps that curse would have been traded for a minivan. 

“Don’t think we’re done talking,” you whispered in Suguru’s ear. 

Once you got home, you ushered the girls upstairs into your room to let them watch a movie while you and Suguru made dinner. 

You breaded the chicken, as Suguru set up the rice cooker and started to wash the white grains. 

Silently, you popped the chicken in the oven to cook just as Suguru finished with the rice.

The tension between you two was so thick, you weren’t even sure a cursed tool would cut through it. 

Finally, Suguru broke the silence. 

“Y/N.” Suguru spoke sternly. He hadn’t ever taken this tone with you before. 

“Wh-What if something had happened? What if that man was a non-sorcerer combatant? You know about Toji Zen’in. You know about Q and the Star Religious Group. How could you be so careless?” 

“But what if he wasn’t Suguru. You had NO proof and NO right. You had no right to take his life. He was kind to me and the girls. He helped me carry things because I’m pregnan-“ 

“Or because you’re vulnerab-“

“Let me finish my thought. What if he had a family? I think I left my card at the store. Does no good deed go unpunished? I understand that you kill when there is a point, but WHAT was the point of that?” 

“The point, darling, was that he was a non-sorcerer monkey who got too close to you. He could have been a real threat. What if I had come there and found the three of you dead like Amanai.” 

“YOU ARE OUT OF LINE,”

“AND YOU ARE NOT USING LOGIC. Did you forget that your own brother turned on you? You can’t trust anyone.” 

“Suguru. He’s seven. He had NO choice.” 

Your eyes met his. The normal soft, lilac of his eyes was nowhere to be seen. At first glance, they were a more sinister purple. But you knew him better than that. 

He was afraid. 

“I don’t even know who you are anymore, Suguru. I turn a blind eye to what you do with your followers because you say it has a point. And I trusted you to keep us safe. But this fear has driven you mad.” 

“What fear?” 

“Your fear of losing me like you lost Amanai, and Haibara, and even Shoko and Gojo’s friendship.” 

Silence. 

“How many people did you kill in that village Suguru?” You never actually asked him. You had just assumed he had killed the man and woman holding the twins hostage in that horrible house. 

“I- how is that relevant right now?” 

“You know exactly why it is relevant, Geto Suguru. Or is that even who you are anymore?” 

“Y/N. This is the only way I can keep you safe. A world free of non-sorcerers. So our daughter can grow up in a world better than the one we did.”

“But how exactly will the world be better if you killed people to get there?” 

“Please, love. I just need to keep you safe. I can’t. I can’t lose you too. I can’t. I feel like I’m losing you here. My Eurydice. I’ve become Orpheus, following you. Help me. Please.” 

Your usually unshakable, charming fiancé was reduced to a puddle, weeping into your arms. He stood and cried into your shoulder for a good five minutes before calming down enough to explain more.

“I killed 112 people. I started with the ones that hurt Mimiko and Nanako the most. Then I moved to the bystanders, which just happened to be the rest of the village. I remember every single one of their names. How could you knowingly let a child, much less two, suffer the way they did?” 

You took a deep breath as tears filled your eyes.

The scary thing was that you still loved him so very much. 

“Please say something, love,” Suguru pleaded.

“I honestly don’t even know what to say.” 

“Anything. Yell at me again, or tell me to fuck off. Something.”

“I would never use those words towards you, Suguru. You are the love of my life. I’m sorry I raised my voice. This is just…”

A lot, you thought. 

More silence.

“I love you so much, Suguru. I don’t think any part of me can ever stop loving you. But, I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m scared for or of you,” you explained, not meeting his violet eyes. 

“I would never, ever intentionally hurt or lay a finger on you, love. But I also understand why you would be scared of a monster like me.”

For a moment, all you saw was that scared shitless, 16-year-old boy who was used for nothing more than his abilities. Who tried so hard to be a friend to others. The strongest, who protected the weak. Suguru who always put on a confident, charming face to the outside world, but you knew him better than that. Your run in with Toji Zen’in really messed with both of your minds.

“I’ve become the monsters I consume.” 

“You had no other choice. So many of the things in our lives we did not get to choose. We didn’t choose to become weapons for a power-hungry conglomerate. We didn’t choose to watch the pointless cycle of suffering that is the Jujutsu world. We did what we had to do to survive. For both of us, for our future. The one choice I have made that I will always stick by is you. I will always stand by you. I will always love you. And I don’t think you’re a monster. I think you’re just someone who cares so deeply for his family. Does saving two little girls from an abusive situation and then raising and loving them like your own sound like something a monster would do? No. No it does not. The world is not and does not have to be black and white, Suguru.” 

You pressed your forehead to his as you took a few deep breaths together. 

Eventually, Suguru pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead. 

You stayed like that for a moment, locked in each other's embrace. It felt warm. It felt like home. 

A small fluttering feeling sparked to life in your stomach, and you immediately grabbed Suguru’s hand and placed it there.

You stared into each other’s eyes and smiled. Suguru’s eyes lingered in yours longer than the baby’s kicks lasted. 

“Suguru, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. You’re just so… wise. And intelligent. And kind. And beautiful,” he stated, matter-of-factly. 

“It’s only because I’m so in love with you,” you teased, a smirk on your face. 

“No,” he chuckled, “It’s only because I’m so in love with you,” he joked back. 

“So,” you began, voice dripping with sarcasm, “Your love for me has blinded you?” 

“That’s not exactly what I meant,” responded Suguru, smiling and playfully rolling his eyes. 

“But it’s probably true,” you giggled as Suguru began to slowly kiss down your neck.“Then what do you mean?” Suguru lifted you up and placed you on the counter, as if you were as delicate as a butterfly wing. 

“Let me show you. Let me show you how much I love you” 

“Suguru, we can’t - the girls-“

He shushed you with a chaste kiss to your lips. 

“The girls are watching a movie. In all honesty, they’re probably passed out from today.”

“I’ll be fast…” he continued, his hands beginning to slide up your thighs. 

Gods, he’s so persistent. 

“Suguru, be so honest with yourself right now. Your insatiable sexual appetite cannot be sated by one mere quickie.”

“It’s not my sexual appetite I’m concerned with. I’ll get just as much pleasure from eating you out as I would being inside of you. I just wanna make you feel good, doll.”

His fingers ventured further, ghosting over your now drenched pussy. 

His face was less than an inch away from yours, sweet, hot breath fanning your face. 

The hands you were using to hold yourself upright on the counter, suddenly wrapping themselves in inky hair, pulling Suguru closer to you. 

When he kissed you, it was messy, but full of passion. 

“Please, baby,” he whispered as both of your breaths picked up in pace.  

Your core burned with need. It was borderline painful. 

“You’ve left me with such a problem now, Suguru. You better take care of it,” you slurred. 

“Yes, love.” 

Suguru obediently complied with your demand, bunching up the long skirt of your dress to your hips, revealing your large bump and comfy panties. Your underwear was one you frequently used to wear when you were on your period. They were cotton hipsters, decorated with cherries and a little bow on top. 

“Sorry I dressed for comfort, not you eating me out,” you joked, making fun of yourself before Suguru had the chance to. 

“Why are you embarrassed about that? I think they’re adorable.”

He kissed you again, slowly making his way from your mouth, to your jaw, to your tummy. 

“I love this sweet belly,” Suguru smiled into your stomach before inching lower, towards your cherry covered panties. 

He mouthed over your warmth, pressing open mouthed kisses to the wet patch that had dispersed throughout the material.

You let out a soft moan, unashamed of how sensitive your pussy had become. 

Then, Suguru bit on the top of the underwear, right where the little bow was. He slowly pulled your panties down with his teeth, nose skimming over your clit as he continued downward. You jumped in pleasure, covering your mouth with one of your hands as not to frighten the girls. 

“Good boy, Sugu,” you’d never taken charge like that before, using more dominant language.

Apparently, you needed to do it more often, because Suguru let a deep moan escape from the depths of his chest, resulting in a vibrating sensation around your mound. He licked a long stripe from your core to your clit, circling around the numb a few times before diving into the area around your folds. 

“Ah- Sugu- So good,” you moaned, giving into the pleasure. 

Lewd sucks and squelches were left in Suguru’s wake, his face quickly becoming covered in your essence. 

Slowly, a finger entered your weeping hole. You clenched greedily around it, glad to be fed something to help satisfy the hunger of your desire. 

He slowly started rocking his finger back and forth, pistoning in and out of your pussy. You felt every callous, every knotty joint and muscle as he filled you. Soon, one finger became two, and he started scissoring you open, all while his mouth stayed glued to your clit. 

The pleasure was immense. Suguru’s pleasure seemed to be immense as well. The man was so full of want and desire that he started rocking his hips into the cabinets just to get some friction. 

“Feel so- so good baby. Just like that, I got you,” Suguru moaned after a particularly hard thrust into the cabinet. “Love, you look so good like this. All spread out above me,” he slurred through half lidded eyes. His legs were tense, body visibly shaking. All the tell-tale signs that an orgasam was approaching. That, and the fact that there was a dark stain accompanying the erection in his pants. 

You reached down to his hair again, pulling on it so that he would be forced to look into your eyes. 

“Suguru, are you going to cum?” 

“Yes, doll,” he bit his lip and whined.

“You don’t get to c-cum until I do,” you stated, feeling your own climax approaching. 

His fingers dove into your pussy again, this time landing on the little spongy spot inside that had you seeing stars. Suguru also continued to swirl his tongue and mouth around your clit as if your life depended on it. 

“Cu-“ you didn’t even get the entire word out as your release coarsed through your body. You felt like you were flying, all of that tension and built up stress leaving your body as you came down from your high. 

Suguru followed not very long after, cumming in his pants. He then shakily stood up and half collapsed in your arms, half against the cabinet again. He gently placed his head on your swollen belly. 

You kissed his forehead, wiping away the sweat with your sleeve. 

“I love you, Y/N.” 

As a response, you pulled him into a sweet kiss. You could still taste yourself on his tongue. 

 “I love you more, Suguru.” 

“I love you most. I’d end the world for you.” 

You stared at each other for a moment, just basking in each other’s presence, and the afterglow of sex. 

Then, your tummy started to complain with growling noises.

“Dinner should be ready in 5. Why don’t you go get the girls? I’ll freshen up,” Suguru suggested, matter of fact. 

“Okay. I love you,” and with that, you placed a kiss on his still moist cheek before carefully walking up the stairs, cupping your belly as you walked. Suguru stood there like an idiot, as if he were dumbstruck by the fact that you actually existed. 

The sound of his cell phone ringing pulled Suguru out of his trance. 

He flipped open the phone. No caller ID. Weird. 

He didn’t recognize the number on the tiny, pixelated screen. 

Slowly, he pulled it up to his ear to answer. 

“Hello,” he said. 

“Suguru?” A voice called from the other line. 

A voice he would know anywhere. 

“Satoru?” 

… 

end of part II 

dividers by @bunnysrph

[guiltyasdave]

are you ever dreaming of me?

series masterlist • this is part IV

pairing: Dave York x f!reader

a/n: This got very dark very quickly, but it had to be done. It’s basically just one big love letter from me to Dave and his character. I know Dave’s behavior in the last chapter has been a little frustrating but I hope it’ll make more sense now (it’s still frustrating though ngl). I also know this is not as smut-heavy as the other chapters, which might come as a disappointment to some. Stay with me here, more filth is coming soon, I just had to get emotional for a second. <3 (also, please be nice because I lowkey hate this, actually)

word count: ~3.1k

summary: Dave’s side of the story.

warnings: ANGST, bits of fluff if you squint, age-gap, mentions of killing people, mentions of death, mentions of rough sex, power imbalance, able-bodied reader, somewhat unhealthy relationship dynamics, dubios morals (Dave is cheating on his wife… kinda), idiots in love, this whole serious is still very much 18+ only, mdni… did I mention angst? (As always, please tell if if I forgot something!)

dividers by @/saradika <3

find my full masterlist here!

Dave York isn’t a good man.

He isn’t a good man and he hasn’t been in a long time. He probably had been, once, when he first joined the military, when he still thought that he was doing the good thing, the right thing. Before he killed his first man. Now he’s living in shades of gray, where nothing is as simple as right or wrong.

He knows that what he’s doing is not right, but then again, the people that he’s killing aren’t good men either. He’s doing what he’s good at, what he has been trained to do for years. He doesn’t really know what else he’s good at. If there even is anything else.

He makes enough money to provide well for his daughters, the only thing in his life that he really cares about, the two girls that he loves more than anything. He loved their mother too, once, when they were both young. They were high school sweethearts, got married quickly simply because that was the thing that you did, only to realize later that adult life with each other wasn’t what either of them had imagined.

He’s never told Carol what exactly it is that he does, trying to protect her, which then led to her not understanding what was going on when he came home feeling cold and empty, a void inside of him that nothing could fill. They both grew distant from each other, not sharing any real connection anymore, just living aside one another. It works for him; their daughters are still the top priority for both of them, and they’re going to do everything in their power to give them the best possible childhood.

He suspects that Carol is seeing someone else, with the way she’s sometimes working late for no good reason, sliding out of the room to answer her phone at odd hours, the way he occasionally finds a position on their shared credit card bill that he doesn’t have an explanation for.

Dave knows that if he cared, he could easily find out every little detail about it. If he cared, he would probably be angry at how she’s not even making an effort to hide it. But the thing is - he just can’t bring himself to care. Has never done the same thing either, neither out of spite, nor because he had any desire for it.

Until he met her.

Sitting in a hotel bar, two seats over from him, when he’d just gotten a job done and figured that a quick drink might help him fall asleep easier. The whiskey’s burn in his throat didn’t ease the coldness that felt like it had permanently settled into his chest, not that he’d expected it to.

He had just decided to retreat to his room and get out of the city first thing in the morning when she sighed loudly and downed her own drink abruptly. He had noticed her when he walked in, the way he always clocked every person in any room he entered, and every possible exit route. He had absentmindedly noted that she was attractive, then dismissed the thought immediately. Probably here for a date, much younger than him, not paying him any mind. Not a threat, and therefore not important.

Not important at all, until he found himself turning to her and offering to buy her another drink before his mind had even caught up to his actions, learning that she had just been stood up for what would indeed have been a date, noticing the glint of interest in her gaze as she eyed him up and down, feeling a kind of longing that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Getting her to go up to his room with him had been easy. A mutual understanding of wanting each other, the desire to turn a shitty evening into something else, something that he doesn’t think either of them understood at the time.

Kissing her for the first time had been easy, too. Touching her, feeling her hot skin under his fingertips, her entire being so much softer, lighter than he was, felt easy. It felt right, like something that he hadn’t known he was missing right until that moment. He wanted to devour her, make her his, get her as close as he possibly could, before he inevitably had to give up this fleeting moment of something that suspiciously felt like happiness, and happiness never stayed within his reach for too long.

Sinking into her for the first time, hearing her gasp, her breath hot against his neck, felt even better. This was never gonna last, things this good never did. The way she clenched around him when he first slapped her ass and her whimper of “harder, please” turned him feral in a way that he hadn’t known before. How she gave up all control to him so willingly when his entire life had felt out of control for so long - it was addicting. He had known that he would come back for more again and again before he had even spilled himself into her for the first time.

He hadn’t planned for her to stay the night. Hadn’t planned for the way she kissed his lips in the morning, acting a little shy, like she was worried that he might send her away, but so clearly showing him that she wanted more of him, if that was what he wanted. And god damn, did he want to give her more, give her all that he had to offer, if only it wasn’t for the fact that any more of him would be enough to scare her away for good.

So, he didn’t give her more. Made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t looking for an emotional attachment, told her about his marriage, told her that they couldn’t be a thing. She was quick to hide her disappointment, but not quick enough for him not to notice. He half expected her to walk out then, that this wasn’t something she wanted, but instead she scribbled down her phone number, gave him a flirty smile and told him to call her “whenever”.

He knew he was being greedy, that he should have kept it a one time thing that he could keep a fond memory of, but of course he called her. Kept making stops in her town before flying back home, started spending weekends with her, the feeling of being around her too good to let go of.

He knows that it’s not right, that he’s probably taking advantage of her in some way. Of course he sees how badly she wants to please him, how she looks at him like he’s hung the moon for her. She has never denied him anything, no matter what kinds of depraved things he’s wanted to do with her. Hesitated, yes, but she has never said no. Never called red, never asked him to stop. Not when he first told her to call him “sir”, not when he spanked her for the first time, not when he’s edging her until she’s barely coherent, not when his fingers tightened around her throat for the first time. He could leave her a crying, shaking mess on the floor, and by the end of the night she’d still look up at him with those wide eyes and thank him.

It’s addictive and he can’t stop, always comes back for more when it feels like his whole life is spiraling out of his control again, when the darkness around him is threatening to swallow him whole. She’ll let him grab at her with rough hands, mold her body into any shape he wants, let him spit filth at her and let lose until he feels grounded again, until some of the darkness around him has dissipated.

Lately, work has been weighing on him even harder. Maybe he’s just getting older, maybe he has finally reached his limit, he’s not sure. With the whole week off, an incredibly rare occurrence, he knew who he wanted to spend it with. She had seemed stressed lately, like she needed a break too, so it was easy to convince himself that he was doing this for her. That it wasn’t just a selfish plan of his to spend more time with her.

Because somewhere along the way he has come to enjoy the time with her way too much. He enjoys lying in bed together, both of them catching their breaths, laughing about a stupid joke, the little tidbits from her life that she shares with him, the rare occasions when they’re walking around her neighborhood. The way she shyly grabbed his hand the first time, like she was scared that he would pull it away. The smile that she tried to but couldn’t hide when he didn’t.

This isn’t right and it’s not going to last, he’s well aware of that. As clear as he has been about his intentions, he still feels like he’s leading her on sometimes. But it feels too good to stop, to let go of one of the few comforts that he has in life.

The past few days with her have been heaven. He hadn’t anticipated how much he would enjoy spending so much uninterrupted time with her, how good it would feel to be around her the entire day, just watching her be herself and listening to her talking. And he has been talking as well, the feeling of speaking to someone without an ulterior motive, of someone listening to him just because they wanted to, more meaningful to him than he could put into words.

And all throughout, she had so willingly bent to his every wish, put all her trust into him, secure in the knowledge that in the end, he would take care of her.

So, Dave had let his guard down. Relaxed. Then the dream happened.

Last night, he had come home to find the girls slaughtered in their house, their small bodies soaked in blood. It’s a recurring nightmare, a fear that he can never entirely shake off, that haunts his subconscious every couple of weeks. He’s being thorough in his work, never leaving loose ends, keeping his private life concealed from the world that he moves in. The risk that anything could happen to them is as low as he can push it, but it’s not zero. Never zero, and it’s eating at him. Usually, he wakes up alone, gasping for breath, the sheets soaked with sweat. Him and Carol haven’t slept in the same bed for a long time.

Last night, it had been different. It had been different because she had been there beside him, shaking him awake and holding him in her arms until he calmed back down. It had also been different because she had been part of the dream. Just as dead, just as blood-soaked as his daughters.

She had been so sweet when he woke up, and it broke his heart. He wasn’t a good person. He was endangering everyone around him, he was endangering her by not being able to end this thing with her, and yet here she was, oblivious, comforting him.

He had always thought that eventually, he would be the one to break things off. But what if it was her? What if she figured out what a pathetic excuse of a man he was, that he couldn’t give her anything? Not a real relationship, and no future. He couldn’t let her in, couldn’t let her see who he was. What he did, what he was afraid of - and just how realistic those fears were.

He couldn’t even bear to picture the look on her face if he ever told her. The betrayal, the disgust, and eventually the fear. He couldn’t tell her. He wouldn’t. But how could he go on with this, knowing that every minute that he spends with her, he puts her in danger? Someone could find out. Someone could find her.

So does what he does best. Makes a plan. Suppresses his emotions until he’s sure of what to do. How to keep her safe. The logical part of his mind arrives at a solution pretty quickly: She’ll be safest if she stays away from him.

The emotional part of him, the part that he tries to keep shut down, doesn’t approve of this idea.

He has to tell her. Sooner rather than later, while the dream is still fresh in his memory, while he can still see her dead body when he closes his eyes.

Because he obviously knew about the dangers of being with him when he first laid eyes on her. When he kissed her for the first time, texted her for the first time, walked up to her apartment for the first time, when he booked this damn vacation because he’s unable to stay away from her. Unable to think straight when it comes to her. There’s a million reasons why he shouldn’t be with her and yet, he always finds a reason not to quit.

He tells himself that he’ll speak to her as soon as she gets up. Then once he’s done with his phone call. Maybe after they’ve had breakfast. At the end of the day, when they’re back in the room. He never does. He can’t.

The tension has become unbearable at that point. He knows that she’s confused, that she has questions that he doesn’t have answers for. His life feels out of control once again, so he tries gaining it back in the only way that he knows.

He half expected her to refuse him, but she seems just as relieved as he feels when he tells her to get down on her knees. Afterwards, he doesn’t feel better. Possibly hates himself even more.

He can tell that she’s off afterwards, and he’s battling himself to comfort her. This is not what he should be doing. None of this is what he should be doing.

Usually, she tucks herself into the space between his shoulder and his chest before he can even say a word. Not tonight. Tonight, she had her back turned to him before he had even switched off the lights, the “good night” that she normally breathes against his neck nothing more than a murmur from her side of the bed.

He stares at her backside in the darkness of the room, the way she seems to be curling in on herself, and he has no idea what to do. What they just did seemed like what she wanted, she had appeared eager, enthusiastic even, but maybe he read her wrong. Shit, he hadn’t even asked for her color once.

It’s quiet for a long time. He finally feels himself slowly drifting off to sleep, when her hears her sniffle. His eyes fly open again. It’s only minimal movements, but he can see her tremble ever so slightly. Fuck it, he thinks to himself as he reaches out towards her.

“Sweetheart? What’s wrong?”

You tense at his words, at the fact that he’s apparently awake. Has probably been the whole time. You try your hardest to make your voice sound normal, even though you know that it’s pointless.

“Nothing.”

It comes out even weaker than you had anticipated. You keep your back to him and feel him shuffling closer, his hand gently pulling at your shoulder to turn you towards him. “Baby. Talk to me.” His voice is soft in your ear and your heart is beating painfully in your chest. Baby. He has never called you Baby before. You feel a fresh wave of tears welling up in your eyes and shake your head but let him turn you around until you’re facing him.

His eyes search your face in the faint moonlight that’s filtering into the room and his hands cup your damp cheeks, his thumbs gently running over the skin under your eyes. The worry that’s so evident in his expression right now makes you want to break down. You’re exhausted, and confused, and you don’t understand the man in front of you and his contradictory behavior at all. So far you’ve been crying silently, but you can feel your bottom lip trembling as you try to suppress the sobs that are threatening to crawl up your throat.

“Did I- shit, was I too rough, did I hurt you? You didn’t say anything, but I never asked- I should’ve checked, I’m sorry, I-“

“You didn’t hurt me,” you whisper, cutting off his frantic rambling. He didn’t, not in the way that he’s referring to, anyway.

“Then what’s wrong?” he pleads, his hands still on your face, “Talk to me.” You inhale deeply. You really don’t want to have this conversation, but maybe it’s best like this. Rip the bandaid off, make it quick.

“Do you want to leave?”

Your voice breaks on the last word. He stares at you for a beat, his eyes wide. “Do I- What?” You shrug, unable to bring yourself to ask a second time. One of his hands slides down to your shoulder, holding you there. He doesn’t speak, his eyes boring into you.

You can’t hold his gaze any longer, your eyes dropping down to his chest instead. “You’ve been… weird. Today. I thought- I don’t fucking know, that I had done something or that you’ve-” a sob breaks free and interrupts you, “that you’ve had enough of me. That you don’t want to go on with… this.” You gesture helplessly between the two of you.

You’re certain that now you’ve said too much, that if he hadn’t had enough before, he definitely has now. You’re supposed to be fun, a distraction, not someone who’s clinging to him, but you’re feeling too exhausted, too raw to keep pretending like this thing between you doesn’t mean something. To you, at least.

“Fuck,” Dave mumbles, and you gaze up to see the anguish in his eyes before his arms envelop you and he presses you against his chest, speaking into your hair. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise.”

It’s quiet for a minute as you’re inhaling his scent, trying to calm yourself down, when something occurs to you. “You didn’t say no,” you whisper into his chest, “you said that I didn’t do anything, but… you didn’t say that you don’t want to leave.” Dave freezes for just a second, searching your face, then he sighs heavily. He sounds defeated, you think.

“No, I don’t want to leave.”

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series masterlist

[soobieedoo]

Formula of Love CH. 7 - failed disguise (written)

word count: 683

finding out that the guy who you purposely cut out of your life, now goes to the same school as you was NOT on your bingo card this year.

you’ve now become even more cautious. Wearing a hat and a mask in hopes of hiding your identity, glancing side to side in the hallways. It’s a bit ridiculous really, he respected the way you wanted to end things despite your lack of reason and it’s not like you insulted him either…at least not that you know of. But still, there’s something dangerous about lee donghyuck and you’d rather not venture into that territory... again. You liked your routines, you talk to the same people everyday, you go to classes, you did NOT need him to ruin that.

letting out a heavy sigh you didn’t know you were holding, you make it to the door of your chemistry class, you feel someone tap your shoulder as you try and open the door. With your heart beating you slowly turn around to see Jeno, Professor Kim’s TA who, according to everyone in class, is the hottest TA they’ve ever seen. Most of the time he just sits at the front of the room or hands out tests and assignments with a smile. You used to think it was annoying, he’s handing you hell on paper with the sweetest smile. But, you’ve grown to like it as there really is something comforting about it.

“um hi?” jeno says taking you away from your thoughts.

“hi?” you’re a little confused as to why he’s talking to you, thinking you’ve done an assignment wrong or failed the quiz professor kim gave the other day, you instantly start to panic.

“Y/N right?” jeno asked taking you away from your thoughts again.

“yeah, did i do something wrong?”

“oh nono! nothing” jeno smiles at you “actually i wanted to ask something! um i have a friend. He recently transferred to NCityU and is looking to speak to a fellow pharmacy student. I know you’re taking this class as a requirement for the degree so-“ an arm wraps around jeno’s shoulder taking him by surprise.

your breath stops.

as you look at him, your heart starts to beat. you pray he doesnt recognize you under the mask or the hat. Already preparing to decline jeno’s offer, he suddenly steps away from jeno and closer towards you.

“hey y/n, how’s it going?” you stay silent at first, frozen, words stuck in your throat. “hello?? earth to y/n” haechan says waving a hand in front of your face.

“s-sorry, hi…i’m fine how are you?”

“good! doing better now actually” he smiles at you, a small dimple showing up.

God you hate this. “i have to go i’m sorry class is starting soon it was nice seeing you donghyuck” “wait y-“ too late. You walk into the room, as haechan stares through the window watching you practically run to your seat.

“dude i had that in the bag, i was going to get her contact info for you. you freaked her out” jeno sighs from the side.

“i’ll get her contact info myself thanks”

“how? she can barely even look at you, i’ll give u 10 bucks if you manage to actually hold a conversation with her” jeno’s smug expression makes haechan laugh.

confident he stares through the window watching as you silently type away at your phone “well u better give me that 10 bucks now. i managed to get her to like me before and i never even met her in real life. what more now that she gets to experience all THIS in person.” he winks at jeno who gives him a disgusted expression in return.

“that might be the reason why she liked you in the first place, because she never actually MET you in real life.” jeno laughs preparing to enter the room.

haechan flips him off as he walks away.

with a slight skip to his walk, he smiles at his decision to move to this university. Determined, he sets a goal for himself.

note: currently preparing to travel to america for the first time to see dreamies!! so i apologize for late uploads coming up! ive been out and about doing last minute things :/ but! still hope u guys enjoy this written chapter :)

taglist: @bloomyroses @lionzyon @ourbeautifulaffair @yewshi @injunnie-lemon @nessaassen02 @dudekiss3r

masterlist | previous | next 𐙚˙✧˖

[carpenterswife]

ALL MY GHOSTS (iv)

series masterlist

- summary: Beau discovers what you’ve been doing behind his back, and is the farthest thing from impressed. Upset you’ve been hiding your worries from him, he begins to push for answers from you. And, unwilling to give any, you fight back. Tensions rise as you and Beau have your first ever proper fight, and you go home on suspension. You’re left defenceless when you come face to face with danger.

- word count: 2911

- warnings: Mentions of domestic abuse, alcoholism.

━━━━━━ ✿ ━━━━━━

Beau liked to think he was a reasonable man. He was a lenient boss, and, in his opinion, a generally good guy. He didn’t like to fight with people outside of his job — especially not his friends and loved ones. He’d been like that with Carla; argumentative and unreasonable, so, these days, he tried not to be.

But you’d certainly pushed his buttons this time.

He caught sight of you the moment you walked into the bullpen for work (totally not because he’d been waiting). In an instant, he leapt up from his chair, leaving his office with a slam of the door that made you flinch in surprise. “L/N.”

You rose your brows at him, awfully confused at the harsh, angry demeanour he was presenting. “… yes?”

“I need to talk to you. My office. Now.” With those extremely threatening, and very intimidating, words, Beau turned and stalked back into his office That wasn’t like him. You’d never seen Beau this mad before.

Confused and worried, you turned to look at Pop. All the deputy could do was shrug, just as clueless as you were. Sighing, you hurried to Beau’s office, feeling very much like a child about to be scolded.

Oh, yeah. Beau looked like he wanted to rip your damn head off.

“Hey.” You shut the door gently behind you, eyes on him. You were steaks that, if you looked away for a second, he’d lunge at you like a damn lion. He drummed his fingers on the top of his desk, expression emotionless. “What’s going on, Beau?”

He pressed his tongue to his cheek for a moment. “You trust me, yeah?” You stared at him, confused. Your lack of a response made Beau grit his teeth. “That wasn’t rhetorical.”

“Oh—!” You stepped forwards, closer to his desk. Risky move. “Oh! yeah. Yes. I trust you.”

“Right.” He practically spat out the word. Your brows shot up. Something was extremely wrong here. Your skin crawled uncomfortably, “And, if I recall,” his gaze darkened, fingers stopping their drumming, “you told me you’d come to me for help.”

You stared blankly for a moment, trying to understand his point. “Yeah, I did. So?” You shook your head, utterly confused. Anxiety churned in your stomach. “What’s this about?”

He scoffed, standing up. His tall, intimidating stance made you step backwards. Putting his hands flat on the desk, he leant forward. “How come I had to find out you’re being stalked through a fuckin’ text message to the wrong person?” Dread washed over you. You didn’t respond, lips parted as you just stared at him. “Huh?”

This was bad. When you refused to tell Beau about what was going on, you didn’t think this far ahead. The idea of him being mad at you for not telling him hadn’t crossed his much. But it course he was going to be mad — he was naturally a protective, worrisome person. Of course he was going to want to know.

You’d dug yourself a deep, deep hole.

Biting your tongue, you calmed your anxiety. It was time for damage control. “Okay, Beau—“ you tried the gentle approach, treading towards his desk. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, okay?”

Beau didn’t move an inch. His expression didn’t even change. “Then why didn’t you?”

“Because you’re busy—“

“Fuck that!” He barked, not giving you the change to finish.

You bit your tongue at Beau’s words. God, he was mad. You’d never seen him like this before. You’d seen him angry at suspects, but this was worse than that. He’d never been this angry and this upset — or, at least, you’d never seen him like this before.

“You know, and I know, that I’d fuckin’ help you, Y/N.” He said lowly, his anger evident. You noticed his accent got thicker when he was mad. It wasn’t helping at all. “No matter what was on my schedule, I’d help. So why didn’t you come to me?” He demanded an answer; there was lying to him or avoiding it now.

But you were sure as hell going to try. You ran a hand through your hair. “Why are you making this such a big deal, Beau?”

Anger bubbling higher, he released a scoff, shaking his head. “Because it is a big deal!” You opened your mouth. His hand shot out. “Ah, ah! Let me finish!” He ordered loudly, like he was speaking to a child. You closed your mouth immediately, mostly in surprise. “Right now, it feels like you don’t trust me. You promised you’d come to me.”

“Listen, I just didn’t wanna worry you, ‘kay?” You stepping towards his desk, trying to cool him down. This was getting out of hand, fast. “After everything with— with Avery, I didn’t wanna put more on your plate.”

“That’s bullshit.” He squeezed his hands into fists. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, Beau simmering in his rage. “Tell me what’s going on. I want to know. Now.” He seethed. “Who the fuck is Jack?”

You stared at the ceiling. Huffing, you shook your head. “No.”You looked back to meet his eyes, body cold with dread and guilt.

“Why not?” He challenged, becoming angrier with your every word. “You don’t trust me? You told Cassie and Jenny.”

“That’s different, Beau—“

“How is it different?!”

“Because it is!” You raised your voice to a yell.

It surprised you as much as it did Beau. His brows shot up, standing straighter as your voice got louder and more aggressive. You closed your eyes and attempted to calm yourself down.

He grit his teeth, and held out his hand. “Give me your gun and your badge.” He said lowly.

Your eyes shot open. “What?”

“Give me.. your gun.. and badge.” He repeated slowly, pissed off. His teeth ground together, eyes dark with rage as he glared at you. “You’re on one week suspension for insubordination.”

You gawked at him, completely taken aback. “You cannot be serious.” You shook your head. You took another step forwards, brows knitted together, making an attempt to get through to him. “You’re mad at me, I get it. But you can’t suspend me for that!”

Beau didn’t even react. “Don’t make me make it two.”

You scoffed in disbelief, tearing your badge off your belt. You slapped it into his hand. Beau nearly flinched as the metal sent a sting up his palm. Unclipping your holster, you slammed that and your gun inside onto his desk. Beau’s eyes didn’t leave you, watching the tension in your jaw increase.

Without even another look at him, you stormed out of his office, slamming the door behind you with your foot.

What utter bullshit.

━━━━━━ ✿ ━━━━━━

“He suspended you?”

Jenny and Cassie couldn’t quite believe it when you told them what’d happened. Beau yelling at you? Him suspending you? None of that sounded right. It didn’t sound like the Beau Arlen they’d all come to know and love.

Yet, the distinct lack of your badge and gun on your hip proved your words truthful. In the whole time Beau had worked as sheriff in Helena, he’d never once suspended someone. He once said he didn’t think it was a suitable punishment.

But, here you were, suspended for a week over an argument. It was petty of him. But, Beau was a rather petty man when he wanted to be. To pull out the superior card and actually punish you? It was such a him move that it made it even more annoying.

You downed the remainder your cocktail, face pulling together in distaste at the strong burn of vodka on your throat. “With pay, at least.” You sighed, putting your empty glass down on the table. That was a positive. Beau hadn’t been so heartless to suspend you without pay. At least you were still getting paid. “I can’t fucking believe he suspended me over a fight. Bullshit. What an asshole.” You didn’t mean it. You were just mad.

Jenny sighed deeply, rubbing her forehead. She knew you were speaking from your emotions, and that you’d regret insulting Beau like you had been all night. “Listen, I’ll talk to him.” She attempted to soothe you. “He was probably just upset. He’ll regret it when he wakes up tomorrow. You know what Beau’s like.”

And she was right. You did.

Too much.

“And he’s stubborn.” You pointed out, twirling your cocktail glass on the table. “Once he sets his mind on something, he doesn’t go back on it, even if he regrets it.” Jenny sighed once again, knowing you were right. He wouldn’t take you off suspension until the one week was over.

Because he was a stubborn and petty bastard like that.

“I’m not too upset over being suspended. It’s just the fact he did it.” You attempted to explain to the two girls, who nodded in understanding of your words. After all, why wouldn’t you be upset? Beau was your closest friend, and he’d suspended you because you raised your voice during a fight.

You chewed your cheek as you thought deeply.

Maybe you should just tell him the truth. Right? That’d make everyone’s life easier. Beau would understand, probably take you off suspension, and Jenny would be able stop playing mediator.

But your pride was not going to allow you to roll over and admit Beau won this time. Nope. He’d started a fight. And you were going to stick to your side of the ring, not stroll over to his side and admit defeat right at the start.

If Beau wanted to be petty, you could be pettier.

“Another round?” Cassie asked. With a nod a each from you and Jenny, she got up to walk to the bar and order.

Jenny leant her elbows on the table. “We found something.” Your brows raised, full attention now on her. You, too, sat forwards to listen better. “Jack, your ex.” You tried your best not to flinch at his name, but did anyway. Jenny, bless her heart, didn’t mention it. “He used his credit card at a gas station five miles out of town.”

“Seriously?” Despite your calm exterior, you felt your heart rate begin to speed up. So, you’d been right. Jack was crazy enough to travel from New York to Montana just to find you. Fucking psycho. “When?”

“Last week. The day before the flowers were delivered to the station.”

That was enough of a confirmation for you. Your abusive ex-fiancé was stalking you. The realisation hit you, and instantly made you feel sick. You didn’t know what he wanted, but you knew it wasn’t going to be good.

As Cassie sat down, with three shots, you didn’t hesitate to reach out and grab one, downing it. You were going to need more of these.

Cassie stared at you in bewilderment, and then exchanged a look with Jenny. You were too busy willing yourself to not panic over this to pay attention to their silent conversation.

Reaching out, Cassie grasped your hand, startling you. Your eyes snapped to her, meeting her kind eyes and reassuring smile. “We’re gonna fix this. All of it.” She squeezed your hand gently, making your shoulders relax a bit. Though it was jerky, you nodded in response. “What can you tell us about Jack?”

You pulled your hand back from Cassie’s, setting it on your lap. “He’s a narcissist.” You fiddled with the hem of your sweater. “He’s a sadist. He— he got off on hurting me.“ You closed your eyes tightly at the memory of swinging fists and deep purple bruises.

Two hands rested on your arm, grounding you back to the bar you were in. Your eyes opened and stared down at your arm, at Jenny and Cassie’s hands cooling your warm skin.

“It’s hard to reason with him, he always thinks he’s right.”

“Shut the fuck up. Stop being a bitch.”

“He likes to be in control. He… liked to say he owned me. I should’ve realised something was wrong, really, when he started saying that.”

“Get on your knees. Now. Fucking whore.”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Jenny’s voice snapped you from your mind, bringing you back to the present, effectively calming you. She’d caught sight of the distant look in your eyes. “We get the point. He’s a bastard.”

You cracked a smile at Jenny’s words, tension draining from your posture. “He has major mommy issues.” That was enough to get a smirk from Jenny and an amused look from Cassie.

“We’re gonna catch this guy.” Cassie squeezed your arm. “I promise.”

━━━━━━ ✿ ━━━━━━

Jenny Hoyt was not the type of woman you wanted to upset. To get on her bad side, was to sign a death warrant. She could be your worst enemy, and also your closest, most trusted friend.

And, unfortunately for him, it was Beau Arlen’s turn to be on the receiving side of her anger. He squeezed the pen in his hands to reign in his frustration. “I appreciate your concern, but I don’t need your input.”

Standing her ground, Jenny stared back at Beau, who seemed far too relaxed for someone who just suspended his closest friend. “Suspending her was too far.” Her arms folded tightly across her chest, her eyes hard and narrowed as she stared down at him challengingly.

Beau rubbed his index and middle fingers across his forehead, muttering to myself. “Jenny—“

“I get it, Beau.” The blonde said, frustrated. “You wanna help. But you ever think that maybe Y/N isn’t telling you because it’s hard for her?” That made Beau’s jaw tighten. Jenny sighed heavily, glad to be somewhat getting through to him. “The things she’s been telling us? Beau… they’re horrific.”

Beau wet his lips with his tongue, and chewed on his bottom lip. A heavy weight of concern and guilty settled down on his chest. Maybe he shouldn’t have suspended you after all.

“I know you’re upset she didn’t tell you, but she needs you.”

He stared at her doubtfully. “She doesn’t—“

“No, she does.” Jenny cut in. Her eyes hardened. “She needs you, and you need her, and you’re both too stubborn to admit it.” Beau allowed himself to chuckle quietly at that. He knew Jenny was right. “She needs your support.“

Sighing, the sheriff relented. He sat back in his chair, and it creaked under his weight. “Okay.” He nodded, spinning his pen between his fingers. “I’ll stop by her place when I finish tonight.”

Jenny sighed in relief. “Good.” She smiled, pleased. “And don’t be a dick.”

Beau scoffed, tapping the end of his pen against his open file. “I ain’t a dick.” He rolled his eyes at Jenny’s deadpan stare. Groaning, he pushed a hand through his hair. “Fine. I was a dick t’her. I’ll apologise, swear it.”

“You better.”

He held his hands up in surrender, amused at his friend’s insistence. “Swear. I’ll even bring her chocolate. Y’know? Win ‘er over.”

Jenny chuckled and nodded. Convincing Beau was easier than she’d expected, thank god for that. “Don’t let her push you away, Arlen.” She stepped back, towards the exit of the sheriff’s office, pointing her index finger at him. “She needs you. She just doesn’t want to admit it.”

Beau watched her go, amused.

Jenny Hoyt: matchmaker extraordinaire.

He’d visit you tonight and apologise, even if it’d sting his pride and ego to do it.

━━━━━━ ✿ ━━━━━━

Feeding three needy cats was an everyday battle for you, snd it was one that never got an easier. It was like running a really hard marathon with no water. You threw yourself down on the couch as the cats finally gave up on their battles and decided to eat peacefully, relieved to finally be off your feet.

You hadn’t stopped thinking about Beau, and how angry he’d been at you.

Maybe you should apologise.

No, you didn’t do anything wrong.

But… maybe you did. Maybe you should have just told him what was going on front the start. He was your closest friend. Your sheriff. You were meant to trust him. Why hadn’t you told him?

It was something to do with you distrust of men.

But it was Beau. Beau, who wouldn’t hurt you even if you had a gun to his head.

Your internal battle was interrupted by your doorbell. A glance at your phone showed the notification for movement at your front door. Sighing, you stood up and padded to the door, expecting Jenny or Cassie with news. Or, if you were lucky, maybe even Beau with his tail between his legs.

You were stupid to unlock the door without checking.

For gods sake, you were a cop. You’d seen the crime scenes. You’d read the reports and files. But, here you were, making the same mistakes.

And it bit you in the ass immediately.

Because the face on the other side of your front door was not a friendly one.

“Jack?”

The man grinned — that same lopsided grin that used to make you shiver. It still did. “Hiya, doll.” Your grip on the door tightened. “We need to talk.”

You reached for your holstered gun, only to meet air. Right. Your gun was at the station, with Beau, as a result of your suspension.

God damnit, Beau.

As he stepped forwards, you stepped back. “Jack—“

Too late.

Your body hit the ground, unconscious, as darkness filled in your vision.

━━━━━━ ✿ ━━━━━━

taglist: @yvonneeeee @deans-spinster-witch @fanfic-n-tabulous @dwonfilm @foxyjwls007 @just-levyy

[potetosaradas]

I've been marinating on some Rick Prime thoughts/theories. I might be completely wrong and way off base, but this was a delusional idea that ive had and can't seem to let go of sksjfdkdl this post got really long rIP to anyone who decides to read this

I'll be referring to this timeline I made. I'm basing the years off of known/confirmed ages in the show from when the show started airing in 2017, to track and pin down some possible key dates/time frames in the Sanchez/Smith family past.

I've always wondered about Prime and his timeline. Like, did he have a Diane before/during/after he met Rick? When did he meet her? How and why would he meet her? I feel the circumstances would greatly change the flavour and impact of their relationship, knowing this information!

But! Based off this timeline, i have reason to suspect that Prime met his Diane after he killed Rick's family, given that his Beth is younger than C137’s Beth.

Now... why would he do that? Why would he purposefully go and meet Diane, marry her and make a family, when he JUST killed Rick for the same thing?

WHAT IF. Prime was using Diane as cover to hide from Rick?????? SUPPOSEDLY, Morty brainwaves do that whole complimentary, masking brainwaves thing-- but WHAT IF, Diane's ALSO had the same ability?????? had to come from somewhere right??????

ANYWAY it seems like it takes 3-4 years after killing Rick's family to he starts his own. I imagine in this time period, Rick and Prime were playing a game of cat and mouse across the universe. What if Prime decided to go back to his own dimension to lay low?

He finds out that Diane brainwaves keep Ricks hidden, so he goes back to find his own Diane. He woos her, love bombs her and within 1-2 years he's dated her, married her and started a family with her.

See, I dont think Prime ever really loved or cared about his Diane. I don't think he actually even wanted to get married at all. So why tf would did he do that???????? Well, I could definitely see him using marriage for self serving purposes. After all, didn't c137 do the same thing? He went back and used Prime's family for his own gain.They have no issue using people 🤷

So anyway, Prime hides himself from Rick for 15 years with Diane and Beth. He plots away at his Dastardly Evil Plans, keeping tabs on Rick, hiding from him as he slowly pieces the Omega Device together until it's ready. We know that Prime was an absent father and I can't imagine him having a better relationship with his Diane compared to C137/Diane C137, so I'm willing to bet he had an extremely strained marriage with her. BUT AGAIN, that would make sense, if he was only using her to his benefit only caring about the construction of the device/hiding himself from Rick C137.

additionally, i dont think he immediately went to go back to find Rick C137 as soon as it was completed. Contrary to popular belief, i dont think Prime was using the omega device to specifically torture C137. I definitely think it played a big part in it, but there were definitely other reasons as to why he made this device.

I'm not clear on what Prime's exact motivations are, but it's always seemed to me that he wanted to make an army of Ricks or at least, he seemed to be searching for superior Ricks/that could match his level.

I'll be using some scenes from the crybaby backstory for some points:

After Prime killed Rick's family, it looks like (from 00:33 to 01:05) Rick has been adventuring around the universe, checking out new universes and also looking for Prime, feeling frustrated when he comes up empty.

If you look closely, it doesn't look like Rick is looking for Prime on Earth dimensions. Again, making me think that Prime went back to his own dimension to hide from Rick-- its almost kind of like the last place Rick would ever go look for him too??

In the very next scene, Rick has visibly aged. If Rick was 27-30 in previous frames, the aged jump makes Rick look like he’s 35-45 (maybe even older). He's glumly eating noodles and clearly doesn't look happy at all. He looks super jaded. During this time, we can see him in his rebel phase, fighting with BP and the infamous Bloodridge battle.

BP rejects him, and as we know, Rick doesn't take kindly to rejection. What happened when Morty rejected him in s6? He went back to the one thing that has always made sense to him, the one thing that's always kept him going. So perhaps, he goes back to his hunt for Prime after having lost his purpose and way with BP.

According to the timeline that I have, Prime is about 51 years old when he might've completed the Omega device. This lines up pretty neatly with Rick in his rebel phase era (tail end of 40 years old) So, what does they do next?

According to the video, we can see Rick starts finding a pretty good lead on Prime. If Rick and Prime were the only ones to actually invent portal tech, the old Rick using a portal gun at 01:15 is a Rick that Prime shared portal tech with. That's a pretty great start to tracking Prime. He tracks Prime down to a maze like base with OTHER RICKS BUT there are guard Ricks (that perhaps are Ricks that Prime has recruited to his side???) and also other Ricks he is competing with to get to the center. We see Rick is visibly frustrated when the other Rick smashes the Cube in the case. What if that was a lead to Prime directly?

In season 7, we see that Prime likes to play with other Ricks in the form of SAW traps. He seems to like weeding and sorting through Ricks.

WHAT IF, this maze like base was also another competition? And Prime was gathering Ricks using the potential of the omega device as bait?

Anyway, I have reason to suspect that the omega device was first triggered and destroyed by 1999 as Morty seems to have very little attachment to Diane making me believe he never met her or remembered her presence AND also at 01:57 in the video, Rick visibly ages again (becoming the Old Rick we all know so well, I would definitely place him at 60-70 at this point). He's back at his old home, the last place he ever saw Diane alive. He's drinking and he's still so very very sad, massacring Ricks left right and center. To meeeee, this sort of I really dont give a fuck anymore attitude seems a LOT like the attitude of a man who's REALLY lost everything. If he thought he lost Diane once, he's now forced to consider the reality that you could lose the person you love over infinity entirely. It would be even worse if it was Rick that accidentally triggered the omega device to go off killing all Dianes lol even if he managed to destroy the device in the end. Anyway, strong possibility that he did it considering how many Ricks start going after him????

IDK.

I HOPE SOME OF THIS MAKES SENSE?? Im not very good at explaining myself 💀

[foreverbase1]

Haunt You ❣ Seok Matthew

❥𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Seok Matthew x fem!reader

❥𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.1k

❥𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: High School AU, Angst

❥𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: quite a bit of angst, may be toxic to some people!

❥𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: Haunt You by Haley Joelle

❥𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: IVE Leeseo (mentioned)

❥𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: Reader prays that her ex-boyfriend, Seok Matthew, will be forever haunted by memories of her. Just like how she is haunted by memories of him.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬!

Words couldn't even sum up fully how you felt, your life was going perfect. Your grades were good, you had great friends, you had an amazing boyfriend who was the heartthrob of the school and your life was looking out to have a fairy tale ending. Until it wasn't anymore.

May 5th was a day that will forever be engraved into your mind, but not for a good reason. It was because that day was the day your "perfect" life fell apart, Matthew broke up with you. He never gave you a proper reason for the break up, however, instead it left you with too many questions to count and with no answers in sight. It left you believing that you had done something wrong to drive him away, but Matthew refused to give you any valid answers.

After your break up, it became the talk of the entire school, and a group of Matthew fangirls would always giggle and point at you as you walked by. Matthew pretended you didn't even exist and would always look right past you if his eyes were ever to focus onto you. It hurt badly, and it stung even more knowing you still had no answers to what caused the break up.

It was all frustrating, causing you to stay up late in the night stressing and overthinking every moment of your relationship, every action you took, every reaction you gave him and got from him. But no matter how far you dug into the past, through all the memories that were once sweet to remember, you couldn't find any answers. Instead it just left your heart shattering repeatedly at every memory you recalled with Matthew.

Eventually, due to the stress of school and the fact you were up late overthinking the end of a relationship that left you with no answers, it all caught up to you and your body gave in, craving rest, causing you to collapse in the middle of the school hallway.

When you awoke in the nurse's office, you sat up in the small but comforting bed confused on how you ended up here. "I see you're awake" The nurse smiled at you, before relaying about the events of how you got into your current situation. "I'd say it's best to take a few days off of school to rest, Y/N." She smiles at you once again, turning to leave before you called out and stopped her.

"Sorry, but, who brought me here?" You asked, your voice quiet. You expected her to tell you that Leeseo, your best friend, had been the one to accompany you here. But to your surprise, she says a name that evokes painful memories for you. "Seok Matthew accompanied you here, i'd thank him if i were you." She smiles before exiting, probably to take care of some other business.

Getting out of the bed and fixing your school uniform, you grabbed your bag and exited the nurse's office, prepared to go home now that the school nurse had advised you too. Unfortunately, life just did not want to be nice to you lately, and your eyes immediately intertwine with the familiar eyes that you once loved to gaze into. It was Matthew. The once sweet, romantic feeling you used to get when gazing into his eyes had been replaced with a sour, painful feeling instead.

"What are you doing here?" You asked, not even hiding your distaste for seeing him. Matthew looked you up and down, before his eyes met yours once again. "Are you okay?" He asked, causing you to become stunned for just a few seconds. He broke up with you and went on acting like you didn't exist to him, like you weren't even in the same class as him and now here he was pretending to care about you? An action that should've caused your heart to skip a beat over how thoughtful it was instead caused your heart to twitch in anger.

"Stop pretending" You stated bluntly, glaring into his eyes now. Matthew looked at you confused, causing you to let out a chuckle. "Why are you acting confused? For the past month you've acted like i didn't even exist, you left me heartbroken without a proper reason and made me think it was all my fault for driving you away. So now why are you here pretending to care about me again? Fuck you Matthew, i seriously mean it." You spat your words at him, each word laced with pure venom and pain, and you hoped that each word caused him to feel even just a tiny amount of the pain you had been feeling for the past month.

Walking down the hallway towards the school exit, you could feel Matthew's eyes on you. Your words having left him in a shocked silence. Considering the fact you weren't a confrontational person and you never let your feelings get the best of you, seeing you lash out at him was something completely new to Matthew, but now maybe he did feel the pain he had caused you when he dumped you without giving you a proper answer as to why.

Every thing you did caused memories of Matthew to resurge within your mind. Drinking coffee had caused you to almost choke on the bitter drink each time, due to the memory of your first coffee shop date with Matthew suddenly making its way to the front of your mind. Going on late night drives with your sister would make you solemnly gaze out the window, unable to enjoy the serenity it once brought you, cause now all you could think about was how you did it with Matthew every night when you didn't have school the following day.

The thought of stargazing made you sick, cause it was also something you and Matthew both enjoyed doing together. It was like your shared hobby, and now that hobby was tarnished by the image of a boy who crushed your heart within his own hands. Even dreaming was difficult, cause Matthew would make an appearance, causing it to become a nightmare. All you could do now was pray that from this day forward, Matthew would be haunted by memories of you.

Every time he tried drinking coffee, he'd almost choke because you were the first thought that came to mind. Every time he tried to take a nice, late night drive to relax it would instead become something of discomfort, because now he would reminisce the memory of you two doing it together. Every time he tried stargazing, he'd also feel sick to his stomach, cause you weren't by his side giggling and pointing up to each of the glimmering stars above you both.

You prayed that every girl from this day forward he developed feelings for, would resemble you in every way possible. And you especially hoped that every time he was dreaming, your face would appear, making him unable to escape the memories of you both.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

[crearuru]

as a csa/rape survivor whose school in 2010 was full of impressionable young men screaming "rape jokes" and about what theyd do (and some DID) to me the gaiaonline screenshots suck for many reasons. aside from the undeniably inappropriate behavior emile was shown engaging in (which was awful but incredibly typical conversational subject matter for the year 2010) but hiding the other party's name only in the archive of what their 2010 username was (it was Lawly) to make it look like the word loli (which i hate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) was repeatedly brought up as if lawly was coined as a nickname by emile is Bad (context still sucks!!!!!!!) and even worse is how an autistic person deflecting sexual harassment is what everyone was defending when it was emily who deflected without saying no but when its an autistic man being repeatedly told how the other party plans on "raping him" and he deflects with a (awful and horrible but period-typical) wisecrack "well it wouldnt be pe/do/ph//ilia if the minor was raping" (in response to being told the other person who first brought up rape fantasized about raping him!!! And the other person told HIM in response that "it wouldnt be rape if you liked it and liking it is consent which makes it pedophilia *smiling emoticon*"!!!!!! btw!!!!) People who are (rightfully) criticizing him for not instantly blocking (can you block effectively on AOL??? its before my time and i cant find any tutorials on how to block aim users) but (not rightfully) wouldnt criticize emily for not blocking like be consistent. The messages are sickening to read as a survivor and ive been struggling to even speak all day from how this incident is bringing up old trauma and also emile is in the psych ward now and ppl are saying itd be good if he killed himself and people are spreading unrelated false claims about him forcing masae to give him sexual favors with her feet (which she never claimed he did!!!) And im so nauseous from this whole thing my head hurts so bad

[talkintrashcann]

Campout - Xavier Thorpe [pt.3]

summary: the friendgroup is going on a camping trip and miscalculated how many tents they needed, so now you have to share a tent with your least favorite person.

warnings: slow burn, enemies to lovers, multiple parts, fear of drowning

word count: 1.8k

a/n: im terribly sorry for disappearing for about a month, i didn't mean to be gone for so long. my life has been put upside down for the past couple weeks and ive had to figure some things out about my future so writing wasn't my priority at that time, but ive got it all figured out now (for the most part) so im not planning on taking so long for the next chapter. i promise the story is actually getting somewhere this time !

[part 1] [part 2] [part 4] . . .

———————

Acting like nothing had happened earlier today, everyone was sitting by the campfire munching on their food while they all ignored the obvious tension between you and Xavier. They were used to situations like these by now, but for some reason it felt as if something in the two of you changed. You used to give each other angry glares and held those for hours, whereas now you can't even make eye contact for longer than 5 seconds. The tension was slowly shifting throughout this trip, and there was no way of stopping it.

"Hey Enid, what have you got in store for us tomorrow? Please tell me it's not as exhausting as today's hike.", Kent caught everyone's attention.

"That's a surprise. I don't want anyone to complain about the plans I made again, so you'll just have to wait and see. But I'm sure you will all love it, we're gonna have so much fun !", the girl that couldn't hide her excitement said. It was obvious that the group was a bit skeptical about Enid's interpretation of fun, but hopefully this time she's right. What's the worst that could happen?

For the rest of the night everyone was singing along to some campfire songs while Divina was playing the guitar, for just a moment you forgot everything that happened today. You loved moments like these, just you and your friends enjoying each other's company while singing riptide at the top of your lungs. This was the exact reason why you said yes to this trip, these were times you wished would never be over. But all nice things must come to an end, and soon everyone disappeared to their tent once more. Surprisingly enough your tent was quiet for once, neither of you wanting to speak to another. Maybe because you were simply too tired from today's exhausting hike, falling asleep as soon as your head hit your pillow.

Waking up pretty early the next day, you realized you were the first one to be awake. You opened your eyes and turned around to find Xavier laying not so far away from you, a strand of his long hair covering his eyes. He looked quite handsome like this, sadly enough he wasn't always this quiet and peaceful. Remembering what he did to you yesterday, you got up with a smirk as you thought about your great plan to get him back somehow. Sneaking out of the tent as quiet as possible, you grabbed a cup that someone left near the campfire and filled it with lake water. Already giggling to yourself as you walked back to the tent with the cup in your hands, careful not to spill too much water from it already. And just like that, you threw the cup with water over Xavier's head.

Waking up confused and in shock, he looked over to see you sitting next to him dying of laughter. He on the other hand was definitely not laughing with the little prank you pulled on him, instead he pushed himself up and dragged you out of your shared tent. Picking you up in his arms and carrying you towards the lake, you quickly realized what his intentions were.

"You're gonna regret doing that to me.", he said with his deep morning voice. You'd never admit this but you'd be lying if you said he didn't sound a little hot with that voice, or maybe more than just a little.

"Nonono, please don't Xavier.", you tried to convince him not to drop you in the lake.

"Please, I'm begging you.", desperately trying to change his mind you tightly held on to him as you were getting closer and closer to the lake. The word begging caught Xavier's attention, surprised to hear how much you're willing to do just so he wouldn't drop you into the shallow water. Of course he noticed your tight grip on him too, figuring this was more than just something you didn't like. He could even see tears forming in the corner of your eyes, making him feel bad all of a sudden. Seeing you annoyed was like music to his ears, but realizing he caused you actual suffering felt so wrong. He never thought hearing you beg would feel everything but satisfying. Right before you reached the lake, he slowly put you back down on your feet without saying a word. As soon as your toes hit the ground you ran back to the tent and stayed there until it was time to leave for Enid's big surprise.

After a long and not so calming drive you finally reached today's destination, Kent hurrying out of the car the second you made it. His stomach was a little sensitive and all the turns in the mountains didn't help with that at all, but Enid's surprise definitely made him feel better.

"Okay, it's time to reveal the big surprise... We're going kayaking!!", Enid yelled out and the others jumped up with pure excitement. You on the other hand felt your stomach drop as you thought about how terribly wrong this could go. You were terrified of drowning and would much rather avoid anything that could lead to that, so you weren't exactly fond of the thought to go kayaking. But you never told anyone about this, not even your best friend, and you most definitely didn't want anyone to find out about this. You remembered how Enid said she didn't want to hear any complaints about today, so you tried to hide your anxiety building up to not ruin everyone's day but it felt as if your heart was beating outside of your chest.

"All the kayaks are for two people so let's pair up with our tent buddy and get ready to race!"

"We are so winning this.", Ajax spoke while showing everyone his winner pose.

"You don't have a chance against us, Serpent.", Bianca said as she leaned against Kent.

You didn't pay any mind to what the others were saying, too busy trying to process the whole facing-your-biggest-fear thing. While the group was so focused on fighting over who's going to win this race, Xavier was looking at you this entire time. He noticed how anxious you looked and couldn't help but think back about what happened at camp earlier, aware that you're trying to hide something from him. Not wanting to bother you with everyone else still being here, he decided to leave you alone for a bit until the others were gone.

Before you even know, all your friends had left off in their kayak and it was now your turn. Shaking on your legs as you took a couple of deep breaths before stepping into the kayak, Xavier following soon after. He wanted to win this race, hell he wants to win at everything. But he had a feeling he wasn't winning this time, at least not in the way he had hoped for.

"If we want to win this race we better start paddling now."

Xavier was really pushing you over the edge right now. All you needed was a couple more seconds to mentally prepare yourself, but he couldn't even give you that. Ignoring his existence completely, you once again tried to calm down. But that calmness didn't stay for long.

"Can you start moving already? I don't wanna get behind on the others and I'm definitely not planning on doing all the work by myself."

His complaining only fueled your anxiety more and more, ready to burst any moment now. You couldn't help but panic, needing to get out of this kayak and off the water this instant. Unfortunately your kayak had already drifted off a little too far from the shore for you to just get up and walk back. Feeling hopeless and scared, you couldn't help but cry as you were looking for a way to get out of the unsteady kayak.

Xavier froze in his spot as he saw you cry in front of him, he didn't understand what was happening. He might not know what you're so afraid of, but what he was certain of was that your fear was very much real and you needed to calm down asap. Except, you weren't calming down at all. The tears kept rolling down your cheeks, your breathing was unstable and you were shaking so much that the kayak started shaking too. You looked at your reflection in the water, trying to see how deep it was but your tears blurred your vision.

Something in his mind clicked, he needed to get you back to shore immediately. So without any hesitation he jumped out of the kayak, the water coming up to his chest, and picked you up in his arms. He had you cling to him as he carried you over the water, arms tightly wrapped around his neck and nails slightly digging into his skin out of pure fear. It didn't bother him though, he'll allow you to do so if it gives you a more secure feeling.

He didn't pay any mind to the salesman desperately yelling at him to bring back his kayak, to be completely honest he couldn't give two fucks at the moment. All he cared about was you. Yes, you. He couldn't explain why he felt the need to help you for once, he didn't even understand it himself in all honesty. And it sure as hell didn't make any sense to you either, the guy that tries to make your life a living hell suddenly starts being nice to you. There must be something hidden behind his caring behavior, he'll probably strike you with another rude action later. You were sure of it.

Wriggling yourself out of his grip as soon as he got out of the water, you turned around and walked away to hide yourself from everything else behind a large tree. You needed a moment to calm down after what just happened, a moment to just let the tears stream down your face in peace. You felt embarrassed that he out of all people had to witness that, you wished he'd never seen you that way. Certain he'd never let you forget this, he'd bug you with this till the end of time. Or that's what you assumed he'd do. But in reality, Xavier wasn't planning on telling a soul about this. Not because people would find out he did have a heart, but because this wasn't a pleasant experience for you.

It seemed like things had changed in Xavier's dark heart, could it be that he had grown a soft spot for you? Or was this just another trick of him to get your trust, just so he could break it later?

To be continued . . .

———————

Taglist !¡ @wintrr13 @hayleematyas16 @deepblueoceanwaters @purexfuego @loriasposts @princekooks @hope92100 @just-amess @sweaterxav @pookiewookies @lcvecstiel @reading-writing-737 @ahintofvanilla @xavierthropepartner @poison-ivy-737 @rumoured-whispers @honethatty12 @pippipsquirtsquirt @araxw

if you would like to be added to the taglist for campout please let me know in the comments or through asks/dms!

[devondespresso]

Wiggly-Worm Wednesday!! 🧠🪱

speeding through this before Wednesday ends (the deadline is both extremely malleable and entirely self-enforced and also time isn't real)

tagged by the lovely @hbyrde36 thank you!!

Today the worms are Connected they're connecting dots and doing a great job at it!

my non-fic worm is kinda branching off the first 1k i wrote for stwg's fic exchange, which then hopped skipped and jumped over into its own idea and now I'm enjoying my down time imagining the shenanigans of Robin sneaking Steve over post s4, like living in her bedroom hiding in the closet shenanigans cause his parents aren't back and the hospital had to discharge him to help other patients and she can't just leave him home alone that's a recipe for disaster so really she basically had no choice but to sneak him in through her ground-floor window with a duffel bag under her bed and steal a couple of her dads button down shirts because Steve's a dingus and didn't bring any even though any pullover is a pain in the back-and-tricep-roadrash right now.

so of course robins parents find out because stashing away a whole ass adult man in a bedroom for more than a day or so is actually pretty difficult even when he's not gravely injured. in my head they're pretty understanding after they get to cool down a bit, its not like steve was never around before and he'd always been polite, plus even if they still did think stobin were secretly dating, they're clearly not doing anything and the only reason Robin didn't just ask was because she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

And then on the actual wips front i had the brilliant why-didnt-i-think-of-this-sooner idea to pick a wip to work on based on what i was brainworming just for fun, which led me to my actual stobin wip and within like 20 minutes i had a couple epiphanies about the connective themes im exploring like realizing what i was putting together without realizing. (cut because oh god this got long fast)

Its ended up being a lot about gender, the imaginary wall between girls and guys in a friendship sense that feels solid just because you haven't had the proof that its not really there yet, the heteronormativity and amatonormativity driving a wedge between possible friendships. in this fic, robins really apprehensive about forming any kind of connection with steve because she's had the experience of guys only being interested in dating that she has a lot of mistrust around and m/f friendships that start forming (and ofc it ends with post starcourt platonic with a capital P soulmateisms 💕). i also have this little struggle where like if i can name multiple important theme-y words i fear ive got too many going on, so i was afraid this whole loneliness thing I've got for robin was going to conflict with the gender thing but i think ive got it sorted, they're different levels and their connected ideas, robins escape from loneliness means she has to break through her internal gender wall and let it be broken, plus the loneliness is going to be more explicit in the text because robins like fully aware of it while the gender stuff is probably going to stay mostly subtext and be much broader, popping up in steves pov area too and really all around them.

also had no clue how relevant it would be but steve and robin are like perfectly balanced blurred gender lines like steve is a masculine dude comfortable in his masculinity that also has a healthy relationship with his feminine trait, the hair stuff the babysitter/mom friend thing, he's not ashamed of any of it (and actually i had a longer post on Steve's gender balance somewhere in my drafts but we don't have time rn) and then robins like practically the same in her expression of femininity, she's as far as we see comfortably a girl, wears makeup, loved that movie about doomed love, she's got her feminine traits but also likes dabbling in masculine traits, she dresses more masc (tho its still a solid middle ground, comfort is a big focus), she likes ufos and creepy stuff and jokes about spider babies in hair. idk it just felt like they're a matching set as far as gender goes, if they did combine into one being they'd be bigender 100%

anyway uhhh this got long thank you for sticking around fyjdtjdgjdyj

tagging (no pressure and no deadline, im sorry Wednesday is already basically over dyjxjydgj): @momotonescreaming @stellarspecter @dreamwatch @pearynice @withacapitalp

@queenie-ofthe-void @carolperkinsexgirlfriend @writing-kiki @eriquin @eyesofshinigami

(Vague Rules just in case this makes no sense xtjsdjtdyj: it's technically just Wiggly Wednesday and its where you just post your brainworms/fun ideas of the past week/day/whatever. its super loose, i like talking about brainworms for things ill never write and things im currently writing but you can do whatever. no set number of ppl to tag, just have fun!)

@puppy-steve @hairstevington @hotluncheddie @gleek4twd @klausinamarink

@soaringornithopter

[alaydabug2]

Ok ok ok

Many people I've seen don't like Keefe because he's "taking all the spotlight" and "this is Sophie's story not his"

Let me have one chance to change your mind

One

And this is purely based off theories ive got and the story itself

If you don't like Keefe just cause you don't like him (while that is a perfectly valid opinion you're allowed to have) that is not the argument against this

It's just based on the actual plots of the book (if you have points against this I'd love to hear them I'm always up for some friendly debate)

Ok time to begin

I'm am about 90% sure that Keefe's plot line is intertwined with Sophie's

Ok so

To begin let's start with Sophie

I'm pretty sure the end goal for Sophie's story is to (out of many things) bring humans back as an intelligent species (keep that in mind its very important)

Sophie was raised with them for a reason and she can see the worth in them that not many elves do (including out of her own friends)

I also believe that Amy being able to keep her memory was no coincidence on Shannon's part

I think that Amy will be one of the first humans to integrate back to the Lost Cities as maybe even a spokesperson

The islands lady Giselle stole for the trolls also plays into this

Stuff like that happening in the human world is going to shake the balance of everything

Humans will get suspicious when things like that keep happening

Sophie also sees the value in humans and believes they don't deserve to have been shunned away and wants to make it right

Well why were the humans shunned away?

That's where Keefe's story plays into this (hang in there its about to get messy but stick with me)

They we're shunned away for "trying to uprise against the elves" and not sign the treaties

But they only did that because it's revealed that Vespera was experimenting and kidnapping their people

Vespera was experimenting for as she said "finding out how they can be so ruthless"

Cause elves and humans aren't all that different really

Mainly just the special abilities and skills

Vespera is also connected to stellarlune

And Giselle said that stellarlune is supposed to "bring out someone's potential"

Well what if the humans potential is to be like the elves

What if Elysian was a human that was experimented on by Vespera and the ancient council then locked her away because she was too powerful

Vespera in turn was locked up to hide the evidence from it and nearly all record of it was destroyed

But if that's what stellarlune did to a human what's that have to do with Keefe?

Hang in there

Vespera said her and lady Giselle's philosophies were exact opposites

Giselle said they were similar than she thought

Well I doubt Giselle would use stellarlune to make Keefe human

BUT

What she could do is give him those freaky abilities like Elysian to MAKE elves like humans

Think of what Elysian did at the end of stellarlune

She turned off everyone's abilities

Well in unlocked while in Keefe's pov

While having a breakdown in his inner monologue because he was scared he could just STOP people from manifesting or even take away abilities(I can get pages later if anyone is curious)

Here's where Sophie comes back in

I think Sophie was created to correct all of that

Even though the black swan didn't know how big exactly what they were dealing with back when they created her

She was still created to fix those issues all of that caused

So YES they were supposed to be nemesises

Without Keefe's end of the story and all of that stuff he's wrapped up in Sophie wouldn't exist

Yes this is Sophie's story

Without a doubt

But HER story wouldn't exist without all the stuff HE was wrapped up in

And that's why I love this story

It's extremely complex and has many sides to the same story to create one big intertwining plot with lots of branches and reasonings

Thann you for your time

[jemmo]

ive finally become coherent enough to put together my thoughts on the our dining table ep bc yes i have been crying since thursday, but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to put into words how much i adore how they did this episode.

bc the thing is i like yutaka, of course i do. but there has been something since the first ep that has felt… idk, not off about him, imperfect maybe?? he has all this past with his family and loss and his new family that has developed into this trauma around food but also manifests into just him as a person, like he’s half naturally shy and awkward but that’s also bc of his experiences, which together makes how he acts and behaves and who he is totally ok, fine, understandable and such. but i get this a lot which perpetually shy, timid, removed characters, where I ache so much for them to step out their comfort zone, be brave, have confidence bc i not just want happiness for them but I know it’s there right in front of them for them to grab, and it gets to a point where I almost circle round to getting annoyed with them, like there’s only so much that shyness can hold you back before i as a viewer lose patience or become frustrated, which is both rich coming from me, a perceptually shy to a fault person, but is probably also me manifesting frustration at myself. all that is to say i saw yutaka slowly finding happiness with minoru and i was so happy for him, only for him to then be so unable to do anything when minoru kissed him. he saw his happiness disappearing and it hurt him and yet he just did nothing despite feeling a lot and it was sad and understandable but also kind of frustrating for me personally. i wanted to shake him by the shoulders and say “minoru is the biggest source of joy in your life so go and have it”.

but then this ep happens and you get that moment with his family, these people built up to be these people he felt uncomfortable around and unloved by, and instead you get this brother who, after some initial meaness that sprouted from jealousy, which is very understandable for any child getting a sibling, just wanted a brother, who loved him despite not getting anything back, who cared for him and tried to include him. and then the parents walk in and they’re not these cold, upper class people you imagine, they’re just smiley and cheery and happy to see a son who keeps ignoring them and not coming to see them. they don’t even broach that with any anger, they’re just happy to finally see him. and then it starts to click that when yutaka tells that story about his family, he’s the one that starts to eat alone. yes, he felt a certain way, and in no way am I annoyed or angry at him for that, but he also just removed himself in the face of it, based on something he felt, not knowing whether it was intended or not. and in his life it manifests into this bigger thing when it started as what is basically a misunderstanding, where both sides are at fault for not trying to interact and fix that break in the family. and it’s great bc you only see it, that thing I’ve been feeling under the surface, when yutaka does too. the love was always there, i just hid from it. i ran away, i isolated, i avoided. i did that. and he realises that while yes he can now start to mend the relationship with his family, he ultimately missed out on that love at that time. and now, everything he’s built up in his head bc of that is gonna be the reason he misses out on love and joy again, this time with minoru, instead now he can do something about it, and so he does.

he touches that scarf, that symbol of love that has always been surrounding him, and he runs. he fucking runs and it’s glorious.

and i could pick apart everything about that conversation on the swings, but the moment he said “i want to face it directly. you said you like me.” my god I wanted to give him a standing ovation, i wanted to rugby tackle him with pride and affection bc finally, FINALLY he is not hiding. he is facing it directly, and he says at much. and then he says it for what it is, that minoru confessed and that’s something that happened and isn’t something he wants to avoid or run away from or pretend didn’t happen. he’s not going to return to normal. he’s not going to sit by and just let life pass him by and make the decisions for him, he is finally taking control of his own happiness, bc finally he can overcome his fear that there isn’t any happiness out there for him. he knows it, he’s experienced it, this is his place, he knows it, and he’s not going to lose it. he’s not going to cower, he’s going to trust himself and believe that he is deserving of love, and also trust that the people in his life do actually love him back. he is not leaving space for miscommunication and misunderstanding like he did before, he is going for it, and all that frustration finally disappears bc not only is yutaka going for the things that make him happy, but he is also holding himself responsible and accountable, both for how he misjudged his family, but also for the things happening in his life right now. he’s letting his own decisions be the driving force in his life, and in that way letting himself be accountable for whatever happens as a result. all this time stuff happened ‘to’ him and he never saw his role in it beyond being unliked or awkward or unimportant bc he never believed had one. he didn’t see that he removed himself from his family, bc he thought his family ignored him in the first place, bc he thought he was just doing what they wanted but couldn’t say, that they didn’t want him. realising that he had some of the agency there and is partly accountable for it is such a good turning point for his character bc it perfectly opens up this path to him taking control of his life and using that control to go after joy. it’s realising i am my worst enemy bc i made everyone else into my enemy, and I have the ability to undo that.

yutaka is not just simply this nice, kind, sweet, timid man that had an unloving family at no fault of his own, instead there is so much more nuance. he is not blameless or faultless and it makes him such a more compelling character bc realising that helps him grow. he has to stop seeing the flaws that aren’t there and instead the ones there are, that’s how he can grow, and that’s how he can go about finding happiness.

i don’t know how else to say it. the show is just genius.