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#how many posts on here are just about naps
toytulini · 1 month
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its clean its fucking clean i cleaned it
#toy pic post#undescribed#40gal#then dad dismissed how much fucking effort it took whether intentionally or not and i got so angry cos i already was having to#outsource reward chemicals or whatever the fuck to chocolate covered pretzels and a soda#and i was so overwhelmed from exhaustion and overstimulated to be fucking graciously regulating my emotional responses to him saying#Stupid Shit that i just got so angry i had to sleep#but i was. really determined. to manuafacture some kinda fucking reward. so i played viddygame until i fell asleep#bc that seemed like it would be better for my brain than straight up rage napping#anyway. i will. attempt the 90gal tomorrow. todayrrow. im going to. get up and get a snack and then brush my teeth and go to bed for real#bc i just cant stop fucking Horse Sleeping. i guess#so close#still much to do. i have to do the 90 and put the plants back on top of the 40 but its already so much quieter in here#which is good for me not being driven insane by. the sound of my failure to do a task.#shit i still need to dose fertilizer as well. i will try to do that before i go back to sleep#but i was too fucking angry to be thinking about Ratios of Liquid without exploding so its good i didnt attempt it earlier probably#anyway.POSTIVES: ITS CLEAN. I CAN SEE IN THE TANK AGAIN. THE PLANTS I SHOVED IN THE TOP ARE GROWING CRAZY#EVEN IF THEYRE A BIT UGLY AND LEGGY. I DIDNT FIND ANY DEAD FISH. THE KUHLIS CONSTANTLY SWIMMING UNDER THE ALGAE SCRUBBER#WAS A LITTLE ANNOYING AND INCONVENIENT BUT ALSO. CUTE AND ENDEARING. I LOVE THE STUPID NOODLE ANIMALS#i got a lot done today even if it wasnt all i wanted and many of the tasks were tiny. it got the big fucking task done that was hanging ove#over my head for weeks and making me feel intensely guilty. and now its so QUIET. like the 90 is still loud sure! but its just One of them#now!#the fucking palpable relief
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blizzardfluffykpop · 2 months
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why the fuck do i miss pigeons
#don't ask me i am going thru it today#ebhehbbehbhebhabh#i miss pigeons dude#oooh the poor little domesticed cuties#kate rambles from here#this is a small detail of the feeling i am feeling#like post leaving nyc is wrecking havoc on my psyche#i don't want to be in the fucking great plains#a few irls don't understand my want for city life- and i didn't know it was this bad until staying there for 4 days-#but my mom's whole family is from the city- i just feel so at home there- and everything i've inherited that way is in my blood#and i just wanna bawl my eyes out#i have been quite a bit but like ik i have a goal now- to move into the city- i've always had that goal to at least move to the city near m#but like nyc was like being somewhere i felt i wanted- it's not that i'm looking to make it big- i miss the noise the water and pigeons#around here you'll hear the occasional car go by- and crickets- i miss the city lights- i keep crying about it for so many reasons but#i just don't know how to actually express it?#because it's such an odd feeling for me to feel? because if yknow me well- i love being at home- i hate sleeping somewhere else-#taking a trip down south this last christmas- i couldn't stand the quiet- it's quieter the more south you go and i can't do this#i've always wanted to leave my small town but ?? like actually being somewhere that has felt home has been unattainable bc every#where in oh hasn't been home... and for once i felt like i could do this- and having to return here- just made me break down and cry#maybe it's the person i live with- that makes me wish to leave- but that's not the full truth- idk maybe a good nap will help#kate rambles#i have a life goal now but i wish i could do it now- i hope sooner rather than later i'll at least live in the city#i've been happily living but now i have a direction i wish to run towards- and i'm gonna chase after it#sure i miss seeing tbz i loved seeing them- but it's not even post concert depression- if that makes sense?#which it doesn't make sense- because for mx it was only pcd- but for nyc it's missing the city... and it feels awful#pls ignore this i just needed to be frustrated somewhere#ig knowing what i'm missing- i can finally work on filling that spot huh? i guess that's what i'll be doing#(also vv small point but the fact that one of the people i live with- refuses to ever visit nyc again- is so comforting to me)#pls don't send me an ask about this i just needed to ramble and i haven't caught up on my daily journal yet to do so- so this is here
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ppulverse · 5 months
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For the ask game: 1, 11, 18, 24 and 29 :)
- Parlerenfleur
Hey :)
No. 1 - favourite place in my country. Place, place, place. That's hard. Oh right! Sombor. Best town I've been in. Just so beautiful. Going there made me realize why someone would want to stay in one place, in the place they were born in, their whole life.
No. 11 - My favourite native writer/poet is Vasko Popa for sure. He's my favourite poet in general. His poetry feels like a wind that goes through you. In the original at least. Never read any translations
No. 18 - Do I speak with a dialect of my native language - Well yeah. I mean, everyone does, right? But my dialect is like. The one they use on tv. So the most basic one. Still recognisable though. People kinda hate us lol. Hm, sometimes I sound sort of Bosnian because I have some family that's from there
No. 24 - What other nation is joked about most often in my country... You know, I actually have no idea. I know there are jokes about our neighbours, Montenegrins and Bosnians, and I think we joke about Germans. But most joked about? Not a clue
No. 29 - Well my region, or rather, city, doesn't exactly have beef with anyone... Everyone else just kinda hates us lol. I live in the capital of my country, so, yeah, I think that's kinda common - everyone hating the capital. It gets a lot of attention and a lot of resources while other parts of the country are neglected. Unless the elections are nigh, of course :))))) Also, people from here can be quite... Entitled? I can't remember how to translate bahati. When they visit other places in our country as tourists. So like, it's justified, it's not without reason that everyone hates us. Also, people from here tend to look down on people from other places, I even catch myself doing it sometimes. I try not to.
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fingertipsmp3 · 16 days
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So the shift went fine but my weed cupcakes STILL aren’t here because royal mail decided not to leave them in my enclosed porch or my greenhouse or with my lovely, trustworthy neighbours
#i’m gonna have to speed back here after pilates and just hope i catch these people#tomorrow i mean#in fact i think i might make a sign or something for the door saying PLEASE leave packages on the back porch i am begging you#i don’t know how many times they attempt delivery before just returning to sender or disposing of the things#the ticket they left was timestamped 10:55am…… since when does the post even COME that early#i know my shift ended at 1pm but i was still half expecting to be back in time to catch the postie honestly#the other day i saw her going around posting letters at QUARTER TO FOUR in the afternoon#like someone explain this to me#like i live rural as shit. this shouldn’t be happening#i have a friend who lives in sheffield right next to the depot and her post arrives at about 8am#i didn’t know what the fuck was happening the first time. i was like what do you mean your post arrives before lunchtime#it can generally be anywhere between 11 and 3 here but after 3 is not unheard of#i used to want to be a postie because of this and my parents were like nah they have to get up super early to be at the sorting office#sounds fake but okay#i want to clarify i love the royal mail. MOST reliable couriers i have ever experienced#but good god why is my shit at your depot and not in my fridge#they don’t want me to succeed. they don’t want me to have a good mental health#they have my glasses as well! that’s even more annoying#i’m so tired i like can’t read. and my only glasses are my old ones which have zero anti glare and zero screen protection#maybe i will just nap#if i miss tomorrow’s delivery because of pilates i’m gonna straight up cry#personal
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blkkizzat · 2 months
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❝ AITA FOR ACCIDENTALLY GETTING MY ANCIENT SORCERER BF HIGH? ❞
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MODERN ERA TRUE!FORM SUKUNA X READER
» thread [summary]: Sukuna just ate all your edibles and is now more lit than Tokyo Tower—great. Now you have to fuck his high n' grumpy ass calm before you're the one that's actually fucked.
» upvotes [wc]: 11.9k » awards [cw]: true form sukuna, crack fic 110%, dr*g use, accidental dr*gging, slight dubcon, sub!sukuna, cunnalingus, fingering, whiny!sukuna, riding, twin-cock sukuna, nipple teasing, lots of banter, spanking, bimbo!reader, pussy smacks, frottage, premature ejaculation, creampie, breeding fantasies, rimming, cum eating, femdom, uncut/uncircumcised, high n' sassy sukuna, bondage, lots of teasing, and bits of fluff . » mod comments [a/n]: part of the 'we be burnin' JJK 420 collection (ill make a series post eventually i swear lol). I had the goal of keeping this under 12k and i made it! by 44 words. this was supposed to be a 5k fic but I got carried away because I love exploring modern day tf!sukuna x reader relationship so lots of banter and tid bits.
Enjoy!
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Ok girl. Deep breaths. You got this! 
Standing in front of the large shoji door to Sukuna’s quarters, any nerve you build quickly dissipates by the time you raise your hand to knock.
SHIT-SHIT-SHIT!  
Swaying on your feet, suddenly, you don’t feel so sober anymore. Well, technically you weren’t even sober to begin with—far from it actually, you'd just started the come down from some pretty powerful edibles.
Edibles which happen to be the source of all your troubles now. 
You thought Sukuna leaving, for what you assumed would be a few days, would be the perfect opportunity for you to get completely zoinked off your ass—and that's exactly what you did.
Yet, unbeknownst to you, his plans had changed and he had returned home only after a day.
So when you finally awoke from your weed-induced power nap to discover Uraume had served Sukuna the remaining of the matcha and adzuki manju edibles you had made, you just about fell out.
Uraume had given Sukuna all three dozen of them. 
You didn’t even intend to make so many, but you accidentally doubled the recipe for weed butter and you weren’t about to let good product go to waste. Not with how tough it was to find good weed in Tokyo with it being illegal and all.
But fuck! 
You can’t recall a single time Sukuna ever enjoyed human food—more sated by human flesh instead. 
Yet from what Uruame told you he had already eaten at least five of them already.
Who knew The Curse King had such a fucking sweet tooth?!
Of course, Uraume blamed you once you explained. And true, while you did make the edibles, you certainly didn’t tell their ass to serve them to Sukuna!
Uraume scoffed at you though, claiming anything in Sukuna’s palace belonged to Sukuna—including you and whatever you happened to bake. 
The pompously dull scolds Uraume gave went in one ear and out the other as you rolled your reddened eyes. Eyes which immediately turned into a panic when Uraume demanded it be you, not them, to check up on Sukuna.   
That was the whole reason why you are even in front of Sukuna’s door right now sweating fucking buckets. 
Especially, since Uruame made the utterly insane accusation of you attempting to poison Sukuna. 
You tried to argue that Sukuna is immune to toxins—but Uraume wouldn’t listen to any of that. 
Hell, If you thought you could take Uraume in a fight, even in a more sober state, you would have literally scrapped with their ass before you agreed to check on a possibly high Sukuna. 
Who knows what kind of nefarious time The King of Curses would be on while high!?
Uraume is the one who is his attendant and also fed him the edibles!
They should be the one to go!  
But you also aren’t an idiot. You know for a fact Uraume would hand you your ass and then force you to go check on him anyway. No sense in getting unnecessarily bagged up when Sukuna himself might actually kill you.
So here you were, in front of his door dreading what might be waiting for you on the other side. 
“Woman! You are annoying me more by just standing out there, come-in or fucking leave.”
Piercing your thoughts, Sukuna’s gruff command booms through the door with enough force to make you take a few steps back.
Okay maybe, just maybe, this wouldn’t be so bad?
He sounded normal enough. 
No one high could still be this grumpy.
Sukuna is The King of Curses after all. 
Something as simple as a mere plant shouldn’t have any affect on him, right?
Steeling yourself, you slide open the door to his chambers. 
You make a mental note to fire your therapist, as the deep meditative breathing patterns they recommended does fuck all to temper your increasing anxiety in this situation.
Peering into the room before you enter, you see Sukuna propped on his side atop the wooden engawa patio leading to his private gardens. His nose seems to be buried in some ancient text you can't quite decipher from this distance.
Well, he looks normal enough too—from what you could tell at least.
You walk towards him but Sukuna makes no acknowledgement to greet you. 
However, if you could see his face, you would see the amused evil that pulls up at the corner of his lips. 
Sukuna can sense your uneasiness radiating off of you in waves. 
You’d not been this distressed to be in his presence in quite some time and yet you still sought him out—something you rarely did—even in a good mood. Typically, you’d only come to him when he called for you or when you wanted his cock. 
You had to want something from him—and a slut like you was never shy about asking for dick. 
Interesting.  
Sukuna knew you hated having to humble yourself to ask anything of him, so he took great pleasure in teasing you for it when necessity meant you could no longer delay your request.
Whatever you wanted, Sukuna certainly wouldn’t make it easy for you.
Where would be the fun in that?
And neither would your own body, apparently, make this situation any easier. You nearly trip over your own feet as the paranoid side effects of your high reaches full throttle.
Your eyes growing wider with each step forward.
The vision of the tea set next to him along with the plate of your manju edibles—the now almost empty plate—confirms your fears.
Only one solitary piece remained.
Nervously, you kneel near Sukuna’s feet, your back perfectly straight and your arms extended in front of you. Forcing yourself into an overly formal position to avoid fidgeting any more than you already are.
A tense silence settles between you both—well, tense for you. 
Sukuna seems perfectly content to bask in your discomfort. 
You swallow, unsure how to start.
Even if he wasn’t a malevolent ancient cursed sorcerer, telling someone they’ve been accidentally dr*gged was never going to be a pleasant conversation. 
Although, you still do your best to be covert in your inspection of him—no sense in telling him he’d been dr*gged at all if he wasn’t actually high.
Sukuna on the other hand is growing impatient with your nervous energy. 
When he finally speaks, you’re nearly jumping out of your own skin. 
“Why are your eyes so red, brat? Don’t tell me you’ve been fucking crying again? Is the time of your moon cycle upon us already?”
Did this man for real just ask you if you were on your period!?!?
Exhaling deeply out of your nose, you give him a polite, yet clipped, reply.
“Just allergies, m’lord.”
You wanted to tell him off so bad but you didn’t want to piss him off more than necessary, considering the circumstances. Besides, you were certain your eyes were red as hell right now from being high for the last three hours. So in order to control your temper, you proceed to gaslight yourself into thinking that, for someone like Sukuna, this was a logical assumption to make.
The thought stops you from cussing him out at the very least.
However, Sukuna is astute enough to know you’re lying.
Truthfully, he’d only made the comment to rile you up.  
Not only were you a horrible liar to begin with—but everything from your clenched knuckles, to the way you gnaw on your inner cheek to contain your sass, are all dead giveaways.
Those facts withstanding, Sukuna could tell by the subtle shift in the scent of your intoxicating pheromones alone if you were on your moon cycle or not. 
And it was far too late into summer for it to be allergies.
No, something is on your mind. 
Something you didn’t want to come right out and tell him. 
Not that he tended to care at all about any of your silly concerns, but seeing you had seeked him out in such a frazzled state has him curious.
What other than him could get his favorite lil’ human this upset?
Sukuna immediately loses the little remaining interest he has in his book, all of his interest now focused on you.
His evil grin widens.
“Then is ‘just allergies’ to blame for placing the notion in your dizzy little head that I wanted to be fucking bothered with your presence right now? Or are you telling me ‘allergies’ is a new modern term for sluts wanting dick?”
Son of a bi—and see this is exactly why you actively avoided him when you’re not fucking him! 
Sukuna was obnoxiously insufferable to be around when he wasn’t giving you toe-curling, heart-stopping, vision-blinding orgasms. You surely would have at least tried to escape by now if it wasn’t for that—well, that and the fact he did have a literal palace and you no longer had to have a job or worry about rent, bills and all the other shit you hated about adulting. 
You weren’t treated like a princess but you pretty much had access to everything practical you could ever want. 
Although you were still working on getting a stable internet connection up in the mountains.
Yeah, no, Sukuna wasn’t a bum by any means and you could surely do a lot worse than a mean, forever-grumpy, ancient asshole.
Sigh.
However, as far as you were concerned now, you had two ways you could play this: you could fly off the handle at his intentionally crass insults or you could pay it. 
You choose the latter, knowing he would soon grow bored of you if you just shrugged off his mockery, ignoring him. 
You just need to buy yourself a bit more time to tell for sure if he was high or not. Then you could fuck off and enjoy the remainder of your own high as you wouldn’t be getting stoned for a while now.
Thanks to him eating all your stash.
“Uhhh, no m’lord. I-I just wanted to know how you enjoyed the manju I made. I filled them with matcha and adzuki beans…It was my first time baking them.”
Oh? 
You still wanted to play games?
Sukuna’s gaze darkens at the chance to pick at you more. The more you would lie and beat around the bush the more Sukuna wanted to press your buttons. 
Never getting bored of pissing you off, angering you was his second favorite pastime. You made it too easy to wind you up like a coil until you snapped like a little twig in his grasp. 
All so he had an excuse to do his actual favorite pastime—punishing you. 
Lacking any sort of discipline, you were more of a hot head than he was at times—which was saying something. Sukuna loved to bring you to the very limits of your sanity with his taunting of you. Only so he could watch you helplessly thrash beneath him, frustrated that you could never beat nor overpower him. 
You were a curious little sorcerer who got off on edging death which was apparent from how your fiery anger quickly sparked into shameless arousal, like the massive cockslut you are. You’d be cursing Sukuna to hell before begging him to take you along for the ride.
In turn, Sukuna would bully both of your tight greedy holes, mesmerized by your filthy cunt creaming enough to soil a puddle onto any surface he happen to fuck you on. 
You had to have been a succubus in a past life. 
His sexual appetites were immense but you were nearly insatiable yourself. Fucked out and trembling, with your eyes barely open, you’d never stop pleading him for more until he’d fuck you unconscious. 
Nevertheless, in this lifetime you were a pitifully weak sorcerer in comparison to him—however you could be considered ‘special grade’ if ranked solely on your ability to take dick. 
Truly, your best quality and what has kept you alive thus far. 
At least that’s what Sukuna would tell himself when the thought of you dead leaves him feeling restless and agitated. It’s why he never lets you leave the palace grounds other than with Uraume on their occasional visits into Tokyo. 
Sukuna had deemed you too weak to be left to your own devices outside of his palace.
You were his plaything, to do with as he pleased—and right now, he wanted to make you absolutely lose your shit.
From the way your aura bristled, it was clear you just needed one final push.
And so, Sukuna pushed.
“HA! I could tell—”
On the verge of unraveling altogether, your brow twitches as you count backwards from a hundred in your mind to calm down—another bullshit coping mechanism from your soon-to-be-fired therapist.
100…99…98…
“—thought you filled those manju with horse shit.”
97…9—
Never failing to take the bait, you wouldn’t disappoint him this time either. 
Jumping up, you wobbled on your feet but that didn’t stop you from stomping your foot in indignation with enough force to make the old wooden floorboards creak.
“THEN WHY IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID YOUR BIG HUNGRY ASS PRACTICALLY EAT THREE DOZEN OF THEM!?” 
From the looks of it Sukuna was perfectly fucking fine—like you had figured he’d be. 
This had proven to be a complete waste of your time even checking on him. The brief encounter had done nothing but fuck up the remainder of your high since he wanted to be such an ornery bastard about everything.
Forgetting all about your plan to not piss him off, instead you flip him off, storming away. 
“LIKE THEY DON’T EVEN AFFECT YOU?! WHAT A FUCKING WA—”
Like a blur Sukuna rises as his four arms extend to ensnare you.
However lucky for you, you sense him in time to dod—wait… did you just dodge him!? 
No, that's not right he must have missed.
Huh?
HE FUCKING MISSED!?
Whipping your body around, you face him. 
Your wide confused eyes meet his own puzzled gaze, one that you notice is turning increasingly more red by the second to extend beyond just the color of his pupils. 
You don’t even have the time to appreciate how adorably ridiculous the expression is on him before the realization hits—
—OHHHH SHIT—SUKUNA IS HIGH AS FUCK!!!
He likely hadn’t moved from that spot since he so gluttonously devoured your entire tray of edibles. In turn, as is with the nature of getting high, if you are sitting or laying down while you partake, you often don’t realize exactly how baked you are until you finally stand up. 
And from the looks of it the high had just hit him like a fucking semi-truck.
Sukuna was absolutely lit.
Staggering in his stance, a look of surprise is on both of your features. You were for certain Sukuna would have fallen to the ground if not for his hand catching onto the wall beside him. 
His awkward movements are akin to someone suddenly realizing how bulky and inconvenient it was to be approaching 8-feet-tall with four massive arms.
“O-Ohhhh my god, Ohhhh my fucking god! Y-You can actually get high!?!”
Thoroughly gagged, your hands fly to cover your mouth. Always one for inappropriate reactions at awkward and improper times, you can’t suppress your snorts of laughter as the reality of him actually being high settles in. 
Sukuna on the other hand is currently fighting a losing battle with vertigo to find steady footing. His bloodshot eyes take on a more deadly appearance as his pupils glow red in fury to match. 
“W-What the fuck did you do, woman?!”
Did he just stutter too!? 
Oh shit this was too good. 
You cursed yourself for not having your phone on you, but knew better to bring a phone around Sukuna. He’d broken your phones one too many times because he wouldn’t admit he was more jealous of you paying attention to your talking clock (it was TikTok) than him.
Yet at the same time, his accusations that any of this is your fault piss you off further. 
“ME!? I’m not the one who just smashed over 3000 grams of weed! Pretty sure that much would even take down a fucking elephant!!”
In response, Sukuna growls as his cursed energy discharges off of him in erratic waves. Yet the intensity is not nearly as oppressive as you knew it could be.
The weed is clearly having an effect on him. 
“Watch how you speak to your King, brat. I won’t warn you again.”
Dripping with sarcasm you bow dramatically. 
“Oh no, how could I forget my place, Sukuna! How about you ask next time before you just gobble up all my shit? Then this wouldn’t have even happened!” 
When bickering with him, you often dropped all formalities which always got you into deeper trouble.
“S-SHUT THE FUCK UP!!”
CRACK~!
Wood splintered around Sukuna, falling to the ground in a heap. Sukuna had unintentionally misfired a cleave right through the wall next to you and effectively remodeled his chambers to extend into the next room over.
A few strands of your hair get caught in the crossfires and they float in the air beside you, along with the various debris from the wall. 
It’s becoming quite apparent that while high, Sukuna struggles to keep his immense cursed energy in-check and it fluctuates to match his temper. 
The look of shock on your face mirrors Sukuna's, who is now staring at his hand as if he had grown a sixth finger. It’s not a finger though, it's his eye from the face on his hand, bloodshot and red. That's when Sukuna notices the eyes on his face are also bloodshot, perfectly matching yours.
“ASSHOLE! What if that fucking hit me?!”
“Well, you sure as fuck wouldn’t be alive to be screeching at me right now, woman…”
You were seething. 
How is everyone still treating this like it's your fault!?
“No one told you to eat all my edibles, King Big Back!”
Sukuna growled at your insults even if he didn’t really understand them. 
He was huge—of course he had a big back…? 
Your words, which Sukuna deems nonsensical, only make him dizzier and amplified the almost out of body experience he was currently in. Clearly the fault of your so-called “edibles”, Sukuna couldn’t remember the last time he felt so out of sync with himself as he leaned against what was left of the structure.
Not since he’d first adjusted to being a cursed object in his very first host. 
“Well fuck me then, for not realizing you were brewing poison, witch.”
“Yeah fuck you, because its just a plant! A harmless little plant! Didn’t they have hemp back in your pre-historic era, you old fossil?!”
Sukuna growls at your insults, but nonetheless considers your words.
Of course they had hemp. 
Being practically native to Japan it was utilized in many trades, but this had to be a different variety of the plant. Sukuna never heard of it being consumed, as the plant had more pragmatic uses for clothing and tools. 
“For practical use, woman! Not to make potions and consume like some fuckin’ degenerate.”
Your eyes narrowed. 
Sukuna of all people calling anyone else a degenerate was rich. 
“For the last time Kuna—it's not any kind of poison or potion! You’re supposed to be immune to toxins, remember?”  
Sukuna growls once more. 
True, poisons had no effect on him. 
If what he consumed was in fact just a plant, and nothing imbued with venom nor curses, then perhaps this didn’t make the cut? 
Although Sukuna is sure the after-consumption effect has to be akin to something poisonous, since for the first time in likely what had to be a thousand years, the unfamiliar sensation of nausea crept up his throat.
Stepping back inside his chambers, he teeters unsupported on his feet before dropping down to a seated position. The uncoordinated clumsiness of his actions causes the room to shake, sending more fragments of the now-destroyed wall crumbling around the both of you.
Dare you say it, you kinda… feel bad for him?
Sure you were still pissed at him, and in no way were you about to accept responsibility for this…but in this state he looked sort of, well, pathetic. 
You didn’t think you’d ever be using that word to describe Sukuna, who’d time and again proved to be more fearsome than the beasts of nightmares. 
Yet at the moment he was definitely giving off more sad Hello Kitty vibes, rather than a monstrous primordial tiger. All four eyes on his face were dilated to comical proportions and the tired scowl he wore was more akin to a toddler’s pout.
It was… cute?
Upon further appraisal, as he sits with arms and legs crossed like a child after a tantrum, you decide he definitely looks cute.
And dare you say even—baby girl?
Not like you could ever tell him that though. 
You’re sure if you called him that, no matter how weak and uncoordinated he was now, Sukuna would somehow muster the willpower to wring your head right off your pretty little neck. 
Regardless, having Sukuna be so weakened, even temporarily, was unsettling to say the very least. 
“I-I really didn’t think you would eat them, Kuna. You don’t even like human food!”
Your voice takes on a more apologetic tone as you begin to inch over to him. 
Dropping down on all fours, you cautiously crawl closer bit by bit in a similar fashion as to how one would a wounded beast you were scared might lash out—even if you were only trying to help it.
“I don’t ever fucking recall saying that, brat.”
Sukuna hisses but the fatigue was clear in his tone.  The bite in his words hardly evoked the blood-curdling fear he was so easily capable of under normal circumstances.
Sukuna closes his eyes in exasperation, which consequently has you rolling yours. 
Bulllllllshit!
Every single thing that man tried, he hated!
Well, every single modern thing. 
Oh fuck, they had manju back then too, huh?
Stopping once you are directly in front of him, you peer up at him with big doe eyes, sweet and apologetic.
But Sukuna isn’t falling for it—or he didn’t want to at least. 
Cracking open an eye at you before closing it again, Sukuna turns away from you, nose upturned. 
Urgh, what a big diva! 
You almost want the normal, insanely irritating, Sukuna back instead of the blitzed sassy creature before you—almost.
“Listen Kuna, you did eat a whole shit load... More than any grown ass man I’ve ever seen to be honest…”
You shook your head and mumbled the last part under your breath, ignoring his sassy gripes, as he definitely still heard you.
“Ok, so I have literally zero clue as to how long your high will last… but I mean hmm… why don’t you try RCT?”
Sukuna stares daggers at your sheepish expression. 
You had to be an idiot.
If Sukuna could focus his cursed energy enough for RCT he would have fucking done it already! Not to mention, take his sweet time in punishing you too. However, all that would have to wait until the disorienting effect wore off enough to make that possible.
For now though, Sukuna just wants to be alone.
This 'weed' was having strange effects on him, he is growing inexplicably nervous to be in your presence for some ridiculous reason.
“Leave.”
“Nope.”
All four of Sukuna’s eyes flare and stare you down the best they can through his red-eye squints.
“I gave you an order, brat. I won't ask again.”
Sukuna tried his best to deliver his threats in the bone-chilling tone he was so well known for, but it falls flat, yet again, thanks to him being higher than a pair of perky tits. 
His frown, and thereby his pout, intensifies at his current ineffectiveness.
“I can’t just leave you though, Kuna…”
Thinking him docile enough, you slowly crawl into his lap and thread your arms between the two sets of his own, gazing up adoringly at him. Sukuna allows you to do so without fuss, although he doesn’t return your embrace nor does he look at you. 
His own head swirls too much—especially with how his skin begins to tingle just from the sensation of your warm body pressing against his. 
“You need me! What if we were to get attacked by jujutsu sorcerers right now? I’d have to protect you!”
You don’t even try to suppress your giggles this time when your body is shaken by the disgruntled rumbles from his chest.
“Tch—with the few measly crumbs of cursed energy you do possess, you can’t even protect your own fucking self—”
“Hey!”
“—so if that happens, then were both royally fucked.”
Okay, so you weren’t anything close to a super strong special grade sorcerer. But you think you’d be somewhere around grade 1 now, so you could hold your own against most!
At least enough for you both to escape! 
You’d only really be in trouble if that sexy white-haired blue-eyed sorcerer, Gojo Satoru, showed up. Although from the way he winked at you the last time you saw him, saying ‘you’d be prettier as a Jujutsu High teacher instead of one of Sukuna’s lackeys’, you’re pretty sure if you flirted hard enough you’d be okay at least.
Still, you actually liked living with Sukuna a lot more than you cared to admit. Moreover, ‘Jujutsu High teacher’ would qualify as you having to work an actual job—yeah nah, fuck that. 
You’d stay with your ancient asshole, thank you very much.
Bringing your attention back to Sukuna, who had since closed his eyes to keep the room from spinning, you poked a finger into his cheek.
Sukuna ignores you, but you persist.
Your little finger presses deeper and deeper until a mouth forms on his skin to snap at you, causing you to snatch your hand back before you lose said finger. 
“Worry about protecting yourself, brat! You’re aware when this wears off, I’m going to fucking rip you apart and feed you to the mouth on my stomach limb by limb.”
Unphased, you flirtatiously bat your lush lashes as one of your hands slipped through his robes to caress the spot where his mouth forms. 
“Awe Kuna, if you have the munchies that badly and want me to ride your stomach again—all you have to do is ask. I’ll let you eat me right up.”
His abs clenched ever so slightly from your touch.
“Urgh, woman, you should go enjoy the last hours of your life while you still can…”
His threat dissolves into grumbles, still making no attempt to push you off.
Well, if you were in fact about to go to glory as soon as Sukuna could control his powers again—you might as well enjoy yourself while you still can.
“Yeah, yeah, Kuna—but until that happens just relax, okay?  Let’s have some fun, eh? That’s the whole point of being high in the first place!”
Sukuna rolls his eyes but allows you to push him back to the floor. His body feels so heavy and laying down was so much more agreeable than sitting up in his condition.
Still, he couldn’t see how this out-of-body-like experience could be fun. 
Fun for Sukuna was killing. 
Sukuna enjoyed most of his thrills relishing in the screams of his victims as he bathed in their blood which poured so liberally through his deadly claws. 
He even has a pool of blood for god sake!
Well had—until you nagged him pretty much to death, complaining that you couldn’t be expected to bathe in the garden koi pond. As a result, Sukuna had Uraume restore the hotspring to its original state —if only to get you to shut the fuck up.
Hn, now that he considers it, you are way too much fucking trouble than your crazy-ass, tight-ass, lil’ cunt was worth—his current predicament being the ultimate testament to that.
“This isn’t fun.”
It’s your turn to smirk as you straddle him.
“It will be!”
For me at least. 
You don’t say that last part out loud though.
You’re smiling down at Sukuna playfully, pulling your tank top from overhead to reveal your simple pink cotton bra with little flowers printed on them.
Sukuna, who had since draped an arm over his face, regards you skeptically from under his muscular limb with his lower set of eyes.
“And just what do you think you’re doing now, brat?”
“What does it look like asshole? I’m gonna fuck you.”
“And if I tell your bratty ass to fuck off and die?”
“Well, for one—it’s not like you can stop me. And two—when has me saying ‘no’ ever stopped you?”
You stare down at him sweetly.
“Slut.” 
Sukuna snarls, turning his head in a huff once again.
Checkmate.
This was the ultimate win as far as you’re concerned. 
Sukuna had his way with you entirely when you fucked. He was always in control—of everything. Not that the slutty masochist in you ever minded, but you wanted a turn to be the dominant one for once and control his pleasure.
Hell, if you knew marijuana would have this much of an effect on him you would have given him some sooner! 
Besides, you could tell by the way his robes rose on the lower half of his body he was already feeling its euphoric effects. 
Yet you had no idea just how much. 
Sukuna’s already inhuman perception intensifies the experience a hundredfold. His limbs are heavy, as if the floor might give way, libel to sink into the very earth at any moment.
Staring out into the garden, he could see everything in vividly intense hypervision through his dilated orbs.
Every rustle of the leaves, every movement of even the smallest creatures, and every particle in the air took on a lustrous sheen. All his senses were in overdrive, creating a strange euphoria vibrating through his body, suspending him in time—that is until your honeyed voice snapped him out of it.
“Hi~ Look at me, Kuna~~”
Soft hands cup his large face, bringing his sights back to you. Sukuna emits a disapproving grunt, or at least he thinks he does.
He’s not entirely sure. 
With his attention now focused on you, everything else in the world seems to still.
The anxious throbs in his chest seem to prolong each beat, as if his heart might stop altogether. Sukuna concludes that these palpitations and irregular rhythms must be a side effect of the plant.
Has to be.
It certainly wasn’t the way the light of golden hour shimmered on your skin so radiantly, like an otherworldly ethereal creature only seen at dusk—making him feel like he was the inferior mortal in your presence. 
“Don’t float away on me…”
Your voice, filled with angelic mirth, tickles his ears while your fingers gently card through his hair.
Sukuna bites his tongue, drawing out thick, viscous red liquid to suppress the needy purrs bubbling in his throat from your doting caresses.
How could he be the one to float away when you had the appearance of one who had descended from the sky? 
Sukuna's lower set of hands unconsciously brace your thighs like a vice, as if to anchor you and prevent you from levitating away from him.
Goddamn, if not some potion, you had to have cast some twisted spell. 
Everything about you right now was enthralling to him.
Has your skin always been this silky?
Sukuna succeeds in remaining quiet, yet fails in keeping his lower half controlled, involuntarily bucking his hips. His eagerness apparent, you rub your clothed mound over his twin cocks that stiffen beneath you.
Your hands skillfully loosen the knots in his obi to uncover his firm abs and ritualistic tattoos already covered in a sheen layer of perspiration.
Sukuna’s breath hitches when your fingernails graze over his sensitive exposed nipples. 
“Watch it, brat.”
But he sounds so far away now, you don’t really pay him any mind.
You are lost in enjoying some of the far less intense, but still lingering, effects of your own high. 
Humming a saccharine tune, your head tilts back as you relish the pleasurable strain in your inner thighs just from having them span over his broad pelvis. The melody serves as an accompaniment to the steady rhythm of your hips, unraveling him more by the second.
When your eyes do open again, you observe the strain evident across Sukuna’s sharp features. 
You simper, wondering how long Sukuna could hold on before he fell apart completely underneath you?  
Picking up tips from the royal headache himself on how to press buttons, you taunt Sukuna with your coos.
“Are ya still mad at me, Daddy?”
You’re pouting but your mischief is evident, twinkling brightly behind your eyes.
Sukuna’s own eyes narrowed at your boldness. 
You just loved calling him ‘Daddy’ like the filthy whore you are—lacking in any sort of couth.
This whole situation was infuriating for him. 
And as such, Sukuna wants to be mad at you—to teach you a lesson, to have you meet your death at his own powerful hands—but alas—his own body betrays him. 
Your still sparkling aura exacerbates his intoxicated frustrations along with his more carnal desires as euphoria rushes through him. 
His nostrils flare when the candied perfume of your sinful little cunt—already soaked untouched—saturates the air.
Fucking hell—he could practically taste you on his tongue.
“Just get on with it then, if you think you can, woman—”
Giving your rear a firm smack, Sukuna hurries you along.
“—although, I’m sure your weakling ass will give up and be begging me to fuck you within the first minute.”
You roll your eyes. 
Even in spite of his breath laboring slightly, along with minor twitching spasms of his thighs underneath you—he’s still acting tough.
“Hmm, we’ll see about that. Won’t we, Daddy?”
Sticking your tongue out at him, you hop up to kick off your slippers. You take your time in removing your shorts though, hands sensually sliding them down, giving him a little show. 
All four of his eyes follow the provocative sway of your hips intently, just the same as the one time you showed Sukuna what a lap dance was. 
Of course he’d enjoyed it. 
However, where’d you fucked up was mentioning how your previous lovers had enjoyed it too—because your twerking had lasted all of 20 seconds. Sukuna had then pinned you down, growling as he called you all manners of vulgar slut-whore. The result was you limping for the next 2 days, fuck harder than he ever had previously, angered by the thought of you ever having done that for anyone else.
However, as much as you wanted to take your time torturing him for once, you were too selfish to deny yourself. The thought of you having control when fucking him has you dripping. 
Settling back on top of him, you’re on all fours facing towards his cocks. Giving Sukuna a prime view of your pussy in those cheeky pieces of fabric you called undergarments.
This wasn’t a typical view for Sukuna, who was used to looking down at you when you sucked him off from a kneeling position—so he could see exactly how those fat tears would well in your eyes as he ruined your throat when he forced your head even further down.
But this view wasn’t so bad. The growing wet spot on your panties confirms his nose had been accurate. However, you do look every bit of the fiendish whore that you are, getting so wet for him when he hadn’t even touched you.
You’re in your own world though and you audibly gasp upon peeling back the lower half of his robes. Taken aback by the thick globs of pre that gather at the very tip of his engorged cockheads. His essence pools in the folds of his foreskin until no more fluid could be contained, overflowing down his uncut length. 
You’d never seen him this leaky before.
Your pillowy lips experimentally blow cool air across both tips and Sukuna hisses as his cocks twitch in your hands. Wasting no time, your tongue deviantly flattens as you lick up the trail of dribble that ran down his upper shaft. 
His lower cock was hardly forgotten as your thumb completely uncovers the hidden tip. The well of pre spilling from him allows you to more easily pump his slightly girthier length in circular motions while you continue to salaciously suckle the other.
Sukuna unwillingly rewards you with an audible grunt of pleasure.
“Hnng—Y-You’re a fuckin’ cocktease! S-Suck me right, whore!”
You giggle at his faltering voice and Sukuna smacks your ass in response. His heavy hand still stings your skin even in his weakened state, making you all the wetter. 
For each kitten lick, a slap to one of your plump cheeks rings through his chamber. 
Sukuna is captivated by the way your flesh molds to his touch. He kneads each of your cheeks in his giant hands, leaving them warm and tingling. 
The abuse to your rear goes straight to your pussy. You forget for a second that it's Sukuna, and not yourself, who is supposed to be the subservient one in this situation.
“Hurry up, brat! You seriously think a half-assed job like that is enough for me to cum?”
In response to his provocations, your warm breath salivates over his swollen glands before entirely engulfing his upper cock.
Pulling off of him with a pop you alternate taking the other one into your mouth. Sukuna flinches as you swirl your tongue around his lengths. Vacuuming your lips, you alternate between the two twin cocks.
Sukuna grits his teeth. 
He had taught you to take him completely, although he always forced your throat open. He was genuinely surprised that you could do it on your own, which, to be honest, you probably couldn't have done without the weed relaxing the muscles in your neck and throat.
That’s when you hear it—the tiniest of whines—but a whine nonetheless.
“HA! See!—Kunaaaa, did you actually—”
If you could have seen his face you would have giggled at the pink that lightly dusted his features. Regardless, Sukuna isn’t one to take being bested lightly. 
Sukuna hooks a finger through the crotch of your panties, yanking up roughly. From this angle, the effect only puts tension on your pussy—tugging your panties taunt and compressing your clit. You keen loudly as you release his cocks, no longer able to focus on getting him off.
“FUUHHHHCK!”
One hand keeps your panties pulled taut, another hovers over the most heat of your core, lazily rubbing over your covered entrance. Your ever increasing wet spot has him in a trance like state as it spreads to take over your entire crotch area, dampening his fingers.
RIIIIIIIP!
Sukuna tears your underwear clean off, shredding them, 
Damn. Those were one of your favorite pairs of lounging panties too! 
You're ready to tell him off but you never get the chance as two large fingers bully their way into your pussy, leaving you sobbing.
Even over the vulgar sloshing of your sloppy hole, you can audibly hear a rough moan from Sukuna as your core constricts around his burly fingers. Your hands and knees tremble violently as you struggle to maintain your balance.
Sukuna’s tactile sensations at its peak, he is in awe of how well your gummy walls suck his thick digits in further. The velvety ridges of your cunt was like an incubator of fiery heat—a heat that may even rival that of his own divine flame technique.
“W-Waiiiiiiit—N-No fair, K-Kuna!”
Of course, your pleading slurs go unheeded. 
Like a mortal who had dipped his hand into a heavenly jar of warm ambrosia, the allure of your cunt in his intoxicated state is bewitching to say the very least. Sukuna’s hyperfixation is focused on a single-minded mission to dig out more and more milky nectar from your convulsing lil’ hole.
Your searing walls clench down when a sharp nail grazes your g-spot. Crying out, your eyes sink back into your head and your slick pours down the length of his muscular forearm.
Sukuna enjoys making a mess of you. 
Your fluids splash across his broad chest, arms and a bit even reaches his face—mouth forming on his cheek to greedily lick up your remains.
Even with limited control over his own faculties, Sukuna was still able to turn you into a quivering mess.
Dammit! You were supposed to be the one in control! 
You can only weakly grasp at his cocks as the motions of his fingers switch from languid exploratory strokes to fast pumps, adding a third finger and pressing a thumb into the rim of your puckered hole.
Stirring up your insides, Sukuna, to be frank, isn’t doing it for your reactions but for your pussy’s. 
Mind clouded, Sukuna fully dissociates once again in his enchantment of you, he doesn’t even realize you aren’t sucking him off any longer. He is much too distracted by every response your gooey cunt gifts him.
If anyone had asked him, in his utterly toked state, Sukuna would have sworn your cunt was actually squelching out full sentences. Sukuna, of course —fully fluent in ‘Cuntanese’—understands her with sparkling clarity.
She wanted more, to cum even harder. 
She’s so fucking warm, so creamy, so lewd—all for him.
Becoming more sloppy and unaware in his actions, Sukuna’s growling increases. His current frustrations centered on needing to see more of your creamy slick spurt out of you. 
Somehow all four of his hands are covered in your essence now. The hands with fingers not inside your pussy or rimming your ass, spread your cheeks wider, holding them up as the remaining one pinches your clit crudely. 
Helplessly, ass up, you lay your head down on one of his upper thighs. You drag your nails alongside his hips hoping to disrupt his daze, but on the contrary, it does nothing but spur on Sukuna’s mania further. 
The both of you being high made the situation that much worse. 
Sukuna’s fingers drive you towards oblivion, crashing into ecstasy. The edges of your vision smoldered, blurring your sight. You aren’t sure if the sun had finally set and the stars you saw were in the sky or behind your own lids, momentarily disassociating from pure pleasure. 
With a scream, you cum for the second time, your eyes locked behind your skull and your legs spasming as waves of pleasure make your hips twitch uncontrollably.
Holy fuck!!! You’d never cum that hard while high before! 
Sukuna finally snaps out of his enthralled reverie, only to discover you’ve been reduced to a mere puddle on his torso. Your holes are agape and swollen from his brutality, glistening with fluids that hadn’t stopped dripping onto him yet.
You practically see his smug grin, a fang poking out from his lips, just from his smarmy tone.
“Heh—giving up that easy just from a couple fingers in your cunny, brat? Thought you were gonna fuck me?”
You whine. Even if his own voice sounded a bit strained it was nothing compared to your own condition. Yet despite your rubbery limbs, you muster the strength to push your jellied body up—determined to have your way with him. 
Sukuna chuckles at your persistence.
The mouth on his stomach opens to lap away at the remains of your squirt on his torso and your slick-coated thighs. The thick slimy tongue has you jolting forward with a rippling moan when it flicks over your sensitive clit.
“Heh, woman, you look like shit.”
HA! How are you going to fuck him when you could barely be touched without shaking? 
Sukuna guess you’ll be tapping out before the first round is over, tch—of course you’d need him to take over. 
Testing his condition, Sukuna raises his head only to be immediately slammed with vertigo rushing psychedelic colors behind his eyes. He curses lowly to himself, still pissed the plant is having this much of an effect on him.
Sukuna makes a promise to himself that he will in fact kill you, iif you leave him blue balled because of this. The high causes his cocks to ache more than ever.
“Tch—If you’re going to do it, then do it. Fuck me then, ya nasty lil’ slut.”
Sukuna was right, you are a slut.
Fucked out by his fingers or not, your still aching pussy wouldn’t be satisfied until she was stuffed full of him.
But it would still be on your terms.
Sukuna looks at you expectantly, waiting for you to move and feigning boredom. 
However, his mood turns to annoyance though when he notices you only plan to take his bottom cock, he didn’t work that ass of yous ass open for nothing. 
“BRAT—”
“—SHUT IT and let me concentrate if you wanna get your nut!”
You do quiet him though, once you manage to squeeze his thick cockhead into your cunt. Pussy clenching around his tip like a vacuum suction, you hear Sukuna slurp a thick wad of spit through his teeth as he grinds down on them. 
It was cute, him trying not to react to you, That serves as enough encouragement to keep you from mentally succumbing to the monstrous girth entering you—for now at least.
Easing yourself lower on his fat girth, you’re panting, tongue out and hips quivering just from getting the head of him inside.
You’d learned to take him well enough, but that was when he was the one bullying himself into you. Having to mount him yourself was daunting to say the least. Only halfway in and your guts are shifting while moisture burns the corners of your eyes.
This was the exact reason you chose not to take in both his cocks. 
You would struggle enough with just one of them. 
His cock inside you, already pressed against your cervix, he is almost 3/4ths in and you have no idea how you will manage the rest. Suddenly wondering if Sukuna uses some kind of curse technique to fit all of him inside you without skewing your organs.
“Shiiiiit, f-fuckin’ dummy thick monster c-cock, this b-big for no f-fuckin’ reason…”
You mumble to yourself, clearly floundering.
Sukuna smirks at your labored efforts but his mask cracks as you finally surrender to gravity and bottom out on him—the resulting cry from him is somewhere between a growl and a whine. 
That was the end of resistance for Sukuna. 
His ultra-sensitive cock twitching in the sweltering embrace of your gummy walls, convinced his dick might melt off then and there—the heat, he decided, was most definitely hotter than his divine flames.
Once nside you, Sukuna returns his bruising grip to your hips. His trembling fingers betray the fact he still doesn’t have the capacity to regain control anytime soon. 
Exhaling your own shaky breath, legs under you, you lean back. One of your arms reaching back to plant on his muscular thigh, the other pressing his unattended shaft into the soft curves of your belly, adjusting yourself so its base brushes up against your clit. 
Your warmth welcomes his unsheathed cock like a soft pillow and he’s biting his lips again, blood trickling down his chin.
Although he’s still leaking more than enough pre for lubricant, you still dip your head forward momentarily to drop a large wad of dribble on the cock nestled against your curves. 
Your perverse acts are the cherry on top for Sukuna, who keens out a moan so loud, so needy and pathetic, it has your own toes curling. Fueling you to milk more from him as you bring down your hips harder, morphing The Curse King to goop beneath you.
Your own whimpers are just as obscene from the sight of his length extending past your belly button. It was surreal to see a distinct outer visual of just how deep his inner cock is inside you, you could feel them press together through your skin.
God, he was nearly in your ribs.
“S-Shiiiiiiit—M-MOVE! Ya f-fuckin’ dumbass brat!”
Sukuna yells at you, speech slurring, as his nails prick into your skin slightly. 
You chose not to sass him this time though, too needy for it as well. 
Establishing a rhythm, if you had the capacity to imagine anything beyond how his cock was spearing you open between your thighs—you might have mused that any curses in his palace—Uraume especially, must be absolutely terrified at what has their fearsome master is sobbing so wretchedly.
You’re thrilled at the idea of having transformed the most powerful cursed sorcerer into the crumbling virgin-like man beneath you. 
You feel your body tremble as his swollen member throbs intensely inside you, causing you to sense the rhythmic pulsation of his heart resonating deeply within your being. Sukuna's face, usually composed, now displays an unexpectedly stressed expression, which only adds to his adorableness.
Yet, your own eyes were crossing so bad you couldn’t even enjoy your victory like you want. 
Desperately moaning, you’re lifting yourself up and down, riding him in earnest as you fuck yourself dumb on his huge girth. Just one of Sukuna’s cocks were so intoxicating and you realized, the privilege of actually having him fuck you instead of you doing the work.
In order to guarantee both of your pleasures. 
But you are hardly giving up—slippery fluids create delicious friction as his top cock also slides over your swollen clit.  Your tits bounce lively every time your tight soggy pussy devours his cock back down to the base. The sound of skin slapping echoes throughout the room, only overshadowed by Sukuna's unusual cries of pleasure. 
Your inner thighs ache from exertion but you are in the zone now. You’ve willingly become your own torturer as you impale yourself on him. 
Mind floating away as you treat his cock thrusted against your belly like a fidget toy. Your nails mindlessly rim the edges of his foreskin before grasping the tip of his cockhead, sliding the last bit of skin down to fully expose his angry bulbous tip. You squeeze him tightly while your other hand comes from behind you to pump the base. 
While Sukuna’s lower hands still desperately hang on to your hips, he's since thrown one of his upper hands over his face much to his chagrin. The other, claws fully extended, proceeds to tear up the tatami matting of his floor. 
Sukuna’s pitchy whimpers and badly suppressed whines have you so hot you forget yourself once again. Chasing your own pleasure, you pump his upper cock like slippery reigns as you ride him. 
And that is exactly what breaks him. 
Peeking out from under his forearm, Sukuna observes how your head is like a bobble, lulling with your movements as your slackened jaw so dumbly seeps drool down your body. All thought leaving your silly little head, babbling nonsensical coos and praises for his big cock ruining you.
Despite not being in control, Sukuna still feels a strange wave of warmth spread in his chest from watching you fuck yourself completely fucking stupid on him. The feeling instantly has his balls tightening, resulting in his upper cock twitching so violently that it even catches your fucked out attention. 
You glance down just as his engorged length finally relieves itself, spurting out a geyser of cum all over you.
Sukuna releases a moan that is husky, deep and guttural—quite literally guttural—as he had just moaned from the mouth on his stomach. His upper cock is still spraying a hefty load of cum that covers your stomach, thighs and some even shooting up to hit you right below your eye. 
Your eyes widen.
“Did you just moan from your tummy!?”
You’re hardly in the position to tease him though, disheveled and covered in his sticky essence.
You were quite the mess in your own right—heh, but you still weren’t the first to cum! 
Sukuna glares at you, panting through his scowl with watery eyes.
Leaning forward, you continue to taunt him, keeping your hand firmly around his now flaccid member. Sukuna flinches and hisses, attempting to swat your hands away, but he finds himself even more weakened than before, unable to pry you away.
“Hmm, are you trying to tell me you prefer my hands over my pussy?l Or are you just this much of a slut for getting your nasty foreskin played with, Daddy?”
His lower cock pulses at your words, still painfully hard inside you, reminding you of your own needs. You don’t wait for Sukuna’s response before you’re back bouncing on him with increased fervor, pulling at your neglected tits and still giving him shit.
“C’mon Daddy, talk to me. You love it when your lil’ slut rides you while she’s all sticky, covered in your cum, yeah?”
For emphasis your fingers swirl shapes into the streaks of spunk on your belly, sloppily writing out the Kanji for “Sukuna” over your womb.
Sukuna’s face beet red from the anger and shame of having been reduced to a mere plaything for you.
Writing his name on you with his cum!? Fuckin’ debased, foul, nasty wh—
“Oh my, you’re backed up, Daddy. I can feel you twitching—a-ah!”
You snap him out of the turmoil of his thoughts with the lazy lust-filled evil saturated in your voice as you moan out more torturous, mind melting words for Sukuna.
“Y-ou’re gonna have to tell me before you cum, Kuna, kay? You spray this much inside me, with this thick monstrous cock of yours—you’ll get me pregnant, ya know. You wouldn’t want that—or do you?”
Your fingers play in his essence on your belly once more, circling the Kanji cum scribbles of his name branded on your skin. 
“Bet ya wanna fill my tight lil’ pussy to the brim—force me to carry your lil’ curse-spawn-terrors—make you a real daddy, Daddy. You’d like that, huh?”
Sukuna’s sweat slicked hands struggle to hold onto you, throwing his head back so he doesn’t have to look at you. 
He can’t keep you in his sights as he can’t stop the vision of you, being completely made his—belly full of his growing seed and tits full of milk—from invading his mind. 
Dizzy, Sukuna can only think with his cock as you ride him towards nirvana. He’s almost at his greatly diminished limit again, his stamina now a joke of his usual.  
Chasing your own high, you rub at your clit vigorously while you grind yourself against him. Your pussy spasming around his length that stretches you so well. Body wrecking itself with pleasure, your cries grow louder and more desperate.
So close. You’re so close. So clo—
But Sukuna is first yet again—crooning out a choked roar as he cums again, this time inside you.
With no warning....asshole.
Nevertheless, the satisfying warmth of his seed bursting against your cervix has you moaning from the overwhelmingly full feeling in your guts. Creampie frothing out of you, gathering at the base of his cock. 
You were low key surprised that you were able to goad him into doing it at all. You weren’t seriously trying to get pregnant—just tease him a bit. You didn’t know he’d be this into breeding fantasies, as even though you are on birth control Sukuna for damn sure didn't trust any human pill to stop his cursed seed, always pulling out.
“W-Woah, this makes it, what? The second time you’ve cum before me—and inside me now too!”
The streaks on Sukuna’s furious cheeks leave behind evidence of the few tears you’d managed to fuck out of him.
“Aweee Kuna, should I call ‘Baby’ now? Only babies cry and cream before Mommy does.” 
Sukuna chest heaves, staring death at you as he gives you the finger—one of the few modern gestures he’d picked up. 
You laugh, although your body winces as you slide his thick softening member out of you. 
Globs of your shared fluids drip out of you and onto his torso when you finally will yourself to stand-up over Sukuna, smugness radiating in your whole demeanor.
Desiring to remove that smug expression from your face, as well as your head, he cannot recall a time when he was defeated to such an extent since he was last imprisoned and his fingers were scattered.
Teetering on your cramping legs, you delight in your victory nonetheless. Taking your time in soaking up the image of him, grumpy, soiled, and flaccid, imprinting it in your mind to throw it in his face the next time he decides to get sassy with you.
You know he’s likely going to kill you for what you were about to do, but you’d never get a chance to do something like this again. 
Besides, he surely has weed dick now given his still flaccid cocks and you still need to come!
Sauntering to stand by his head, your soft foot presses down on his clavicle, prompting Sukuna to bare his teeth while a clawed hand comes to wrap around your ankle.
“Heel, Kuna. You still have to make me cum.”
“I don’t have to do fucking shit but make good on my promise to rip you apart once this bullshit wears off.”
You pay him no mind as your foot shifts to raise his chin, forcing him to meet your gaze while your fingers swiftly glide up your inner thighs to spread your pussy lips. His cum still trickling out from the creamy plug that is visibly filling your center. 
“Eat it.”
Sukuna looks at you skeptically, like you just lost the little remaining sanity your crazy ass had in the first place.
Who the fuck did you think you were?
To one—have him take a command from you, and two—actually think he’d let you dominate him in such a way.
Sukuna scoffs.
“Sit on my stomach and I might let you cum, brat.”
“Nuh-uh, Kuna—I wanna ride your actual face. It’s the least you can do after you came before me twice!”
Trying not to visibly wince, Sukuna was so over your nagging and constant reminders of how weak he was while high, trying to tune you out. 
“...and then inside me without warning—like you don’t give a fuck if I happen to get pregnant!”
“I don't, get pregnant.”
“I—wait…WHAT?!”
You must have heard wrong. 
Sukuna would want a lobotomy before a kid. 
He always pulled out. 
He just did not tell you to get pregnant.
No way!
Sukuna growls, he’s admittedly getting tired, but it's clear you wouldn’t give him any rest until you came once more. Well, at least with a mouth full of pussy he couldn’t say anymore wildly embarrassing shit he didn’t mean.
He really didn’t want kids, but picturing you pregnant made his dicks so unfathomably hard in the moment, it was confusing, not to mention infuriating. However, the last damned thing Sukuna wanted to do was talk about his slip up.
Left with no choice but to eat you out nasty enough for you to forget all about it.
“I SAID—If you don’t want to get pregnant, then park that ass of yours on my face, bitch.”
You bristle at Sukuna calling you a bitch, yet you let it pass once all four of his arms yank you down to sit you directly on his face, his tongue plunging straight into your gooey cunt.
And true to his skills, the conversation was the last thing on your mind, having been scrubbed of all thoughts once you felt his hot mouth consuming your sensitive flesh. 
Sukuna's tongue traces torturous circles on your clit, before grazing it with sharp canine, prompting your hands to delve into his unruly locks. The grunts that escape Sukuna's lips as you tug on his hair intensify the pleasurable tingling in your pussy, compelling you to pull even harder.
To your delight, what his primary tongue lacks in girth compared to the one on his stomach, it makes up for in dexterity. Sukuna laps, swirls and twists through your folds. His tongue darts in and out of your wet slit so vulgarly leaking his cum, sending tremors up your spine.
Choking on your whimpers, your hips can’t stop shaking and Sukuna has to brace your thighs down to keep you in place. Sukuna wasn’t about to let you run from it now, not after all the shit you put him through.
You begged to cum in his mouth—so you are going to cum in his fucking mouth.
You cry out when a hand reaches up to manhandle your chest, pinching at your nipples and rolling them between his gruff fingers.  The pair of hands on your thighs move to your ass, gripping your flesh overflowing in his grasp.
Gasping, your mouth falls open, when his fingers massage your ass, spreading it open as he tilts you back to spit into your hole. Replacing his own mouth with one on his hand as he returns his attention back to your savory lil’ cunt.
Shiiiiiit!
Feels so good, you’re so close to cumming again. Your body trembles, the fire inside you spreading from your core to your fingertips as your face contorted in pleasure.
“Su-S-Sukuna, pleeeaseee, Daddy.”
You’re not even sure what you are asking for at this point, you just want more of it. 
More of everything.
Sukuna, obliges you. 
Losing himself in your lust, his panting becomes more wet and ragged. He’s painfully aroused once again, this time simply from listening to your whiney pleas. Sukuna’s tongue digs into your cunt deeper, scooping out his own cum and devouring it along with the continuous flow of your own fluids gushing out of you.
Your taste is much sweeter, cutting the unpleasant taste of his own salty spunk, so Sukuna relentlessly sucks more out of you. 
Sukuna is so caught up in giving you pleasure, he’s completely unaware of the fact he’s now humping the air, cocks flinging pre on his abs as they sway against the imaginary friction.
“K-Kuna, I’mma—shiiiiit—cum!”
You clench a fist full of his hair, nails digging into his scalp. You continuously buck your hips forward, your clit brushing agonizingly up against his nose. Quivering, glorious waves of pleasure wash over you, Sukuna knows all your pleasure spots as he easily takes you to the very heights of your ecstasy.
Sputtering moans nonsensically, you nearly slip off Sukuna completely when you tilt back too far. You unintentionally end up choking him as you catch yourself by grasping onto his neck for support.
Sukuna, caught off guard, gags. The intense vibrations from him choking on your pussy as he heaves for air tips you right over the edge. Your world washes white as you cum, thighs and hips and convulsing. 
Outlasting you this time by a hair, Sukuna cums hard, his milky fluids jetting out from his cocks to spill onto his stomach—shooting up as far as to land on your back.
Dazed from your orgasm you don’t actually realize he'd cum again until you actually slip on the mess he’s made when you begin to climb off his face.
“D’aww, Baby done messed himself bad this time, huh?”
“Perish.”
Weariness seeps through his tone, betraying the fatigue that weighed on him after cumming even harder than the previous two times.
Silence fills the space as neither of you noticed before how the sun had long since set. The soft moonbeams were the only source of light in his chambers, illuminating the space more than usual, due to the now destroyed wall.
Your bones feel like mush but you still manage to grab Sukuna’s discarded robe, using it to somewhat wipe off your bodies. 
Sukuna doesn’t register how intensely he’s staring at you, having dissociated once more. 
His arrogance is replaced by a strange look of infatuation—well strange for him.
Sukuna is lost again, charmed by your shining aura in the lunar light. The very essence of your soul glows iridescently to him, even in darkness.
He muses there’s not a being, human nor curse, as captivating as y—TCH, THE FUCK?!
Whatever you gave him was turning him into a real fuckin’ sap, thats for damn sure. 
Sukuna needed this nightmare to be over, and have neither of you ever speak of it again.
You on the other hand are doing your best to fight the urge to bashfully shrink away. There were typically only 3 emotions that ever appeared on Sukuna’s face: brooding, predatory or straight up hostile.
Him looking at you this way is freaking you out.
“You’re a weirdo.”
Sukuna exhales, exasperated. 
He doesn’t know what to do with you. His troublesome lil’ human that, for some insane reason, he’d formed an attachment to beyond using as a cocksleeve.
“Then you’re a dumb slut who likes to fuck weirdos, brat.”
Shoving your face into his neck, you inhale the scent of his skin and your sex.
“Got me there, Daddy.”
Nibbling up to his chin, one of his arms wrap around you, bringing you impossibly closer when your teeth graze over his sweat slicked Adam's apple. 
Grinning at him, you lick up any of your essence lingering on his face.
“You know, I’m going into the city with Uraume next week—I could get some more of this shit, we could actually smoke it next time, hm?”
“You could also be a corpse scattered in a million pieces by then.”
Although Sukuna’s yawns sound more like roars, he can’t even bring himself to be annoyed at his displays of weakness any longer. The edible enhanced the stated feelings of the after sex high, amplifying it a hundred fold and making him unusually docile. 
Even if Sukuna could now understand why mortals do this for “fun”, he personally just never wanted near the stuff again—let alone in his fucking palace.
But he’d fight you over that later.
“Moreover, I will literally never eat any of your concoctions again.”
You’re yawning too, the effect being contagious as the question absentmindedly slips from your lips.
“...Hm, s’that so? *yawn* ….Well why did ya in the first place, Kuna?”
Tsk, stupid woman—because you made them, of course.
Sukuna said it in his head. 
Sukuna swore he said it in his head.
But when you immediately bolt upright, eyes expanding like saucers, he knows he fucked up. 
Attempting to recover, he tacks on a brash comment. Remarking on how he knew consuming them all would piss you off—oh and it had—but in this case, the damage had already been done.
Concern flashing across your eyes, you hurriedly brush your fingers through his rosy locks. Picking and prodding, firmly turning his head from side to side, until Sukuna’s own hands entrap yours, pausing your frantic actions.
“And just what the fuck are you doing now, woman?!”
“Checking for stitches.”
Sukuna gives a disgruntled snort, scoffing at your foolishness.
“I’m serious! Kenjaku’s not in there with you, is he?!”
“You must actually think I won’t kill you, brat….”
You giggle softly, satisfied with his answer as you peck tender kisses on his lips but Sukuna is unmoved. 
Sukuna hardly ever kisses you to be fair—but you’d just fucked him to tears! 
The least he can do to repay you is a kiss!
“C’mon Kuna, stick out your tongue a lil’ for me.”
Sukuna stares at you unamused.
“Aweee—Please, Daddy?”
Your words hang in the air, a rebuttal poised on the edge of his lips. 
But upon meeting your bright angelic eyes, Sukuna in a moment of unexpected impulse, closes the gap between you. 
Your lips clash as you breathe in one another. The kiss is less urgent than your earlier cravings, but just as filled with desire. A tumultuous dance of tongues and teeth, fueled by some magnetic pull that would likely never be vocalized in words—yet you still feel everything Sukuna leaves unsaid.
You smile once he allows you to pull back for air, blowing a kiss at him before resting your head back on his chest. Your body easily molds over him and his remaining arms snake around your form.
All of Sukuna’s eyes were closed, the welcome heaviness behind his lids extending down through his entire being.
Honestly, this is the most at peace he’s been in centuries. 
“Mmm…one more question, Kuna?”
Of course, you would be the one to disturb that though.
“Only if you promise to go the fuck to sleep after, brat.”
You nod into his chest, your hands only cupping a tiny part of his biceps as your manicured nails trace along his tattoos.
“How’d they taste?”
Seriously? 
You’re fucking insufferable. 
But Sukuna is way too over it all to fight you right now.  His entire body feels akin to a giant sandbag with every passing second.
“Decent. Now sleep.”
Your shrill squeal has him regretting his compliment immediately. 
“Aweee Kuna, Daddy! You big softie! Next you’ll be telling me you love me, huh?”
Tsk, and this is exactly why Sukuna would fuck you unconscious—so he didn’t have to put up with your nonsensical overly emotional prattling after. The intimacy of pillow talk has him queasier than the vertigo he’d experienced earlier. 
“I loathe you.”
“Love you t—”
Faster than you can react, his powerful hands move, grappling your head down and clamping over your mouth instantly.
“SLEEP!”
Listening to the grumbles resonating in his chest from Sukuna's unintelligible muttered curses, you hum contentedly with his hand over your mouth, a simple ghost of a smile lingering on your lips as you ease into a comforting slumber.
The next morning, you are stirred awake by blinding sunlight.
Still lethargic from the night before, and totally not a morning person, you try to roll over. Yet you find yourself unable to move. 
Huh?
Wanting to rub your eyes clear of sleep, you become aware that your hands, for some reason, are behind your back and are also immobilized.
Panic begins to set in. You fear it might be a bad bout of sleep paralysis—that is, until you hear Sukuna’s dark voice bellow over you sarcastically.
“Oh? What’s this? The lazy whore finally arises…”
Heart pounding anxiously, your bleary eyes open to the vision of Sukuna’s form towering over you next to his bed. 
Ok, at least he had the decency to—
A flash of red catches your eye.
Oh, fuck…
Entangled in the shibari frog-tie position—you are bound in complex knots. The thick silk crimson ropes intricately weave their way around your naked body. 
Tied with seasoned precision, the visually striking pattern of the ropes accentuated your body’s serpentine contours. Knees bent, your plump thighs are spread wide and apart, which secure to your calves. 
You feel a chill run through you as the early morning air breezes past your cunt, fully exposed as the ropes are the only thing adorning you.
Equally excited as you are terrified, your squirms cause the diamond cut pattern to imprint deeper into your supple skin. Shivering under his smolder, goosebumps erupt across your skin and fat tears well on the edges of your eyes.
Sukuna sinks low to crouch over you.
“Now, now—”
His powers fully restored, the depraved smirk Sukuna wears is the most chilling you’d ever seen.
“—you didn’t delude your silly little head into thinking I wouldn’t get my turn, now did you?”
Sukina cups your face, the mouth on his hand savoring your tears.
The harsh reality donning upon you as to how fucked you really are in this situation right now.
Shifting his grasp to squeeze your cheeks, Sukuna forces your mouth open. 
Fully awake, your eyes nearly pop out of your head as Sukuna unveils a platter—the same platter bearing the last remaining manju edible.
“Now fucking say ‘ahh’ for Daddy, brat.”
©blkkizzat 2024. do not steal works or gfx, do not translate.
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» a/n: what you think of 420 Sukuna? Hopefully it wasn't too long/dragged on? this is meant to be a one shot btw. im really not trying to do a p2 (please, lmfao i cant). i still have a toji 420 fic half written and an idea for nanami but putting those on the back burner to finish another installment of otaku!gojo or nerd geto p2, one of those will be next. i promise! taglist will be in reblogs.
comments & reblogs make my coochie cream
5K notes · View notes
thewispsings · 2 months
Text
please date my sister in law | max verstappen
pairing: max verstappen x reader
summary: the one where charles won’t rest until he gets his fiancée’s sister a boyfriend.
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liked by maxverstappen1, yoursistersuser, 806,026 others!
charles_leclerc: are you a hot and single guy OR woman in monaco looking for the perfect lady? well boy do i have good news for you! here we have yn ln, my sister-in law, she’s VERY single, likes long walks on the beach, napping, eating, and knitting. if you are interested please comment below! SERIOUS OFFERS ONLY.
view comments below!
yourusername: what the fuck is this charles
charles_leclerc: this is me getting you a boyfriend?
yourusername: NO CHARLES THIS IS JUST NO. @/yoursistersuser TAKE HIS PHONE?
yoursistersuser: I HAVE BUT HE JUST KEEPS BUYING MORE
charles_leclerc: i cannot be stopped
user1: i’m interested?
charles_leclerc: no you are too ugly
yourusername: cha please stop
charles_leclerc: i will stop once i get you a nice PRETTY boyfriend
yoursistersuser: love, please delete this
charles_leclerc: i would do anything for you… except deleted this. yn needs a bf, she’s been to lonely lately
yoursistersuser: but this doesn’t help her get a boyfriend charles
charles_leclerc: but it will!! have faith
user2: he’s trying to sell her like she’s a dog?? 😭
user3: “likes long walks on the beach, napping, eating” IS SHE A DOG CHARLES??
user4: this is borderline weird and thoughtful at the same time
user5: charles get engaged and goes crazy
user6: i’m interested!
charles_leclerc: no you are far too short
yourusername: what’s the point of this if you’re just going to reject everyone
charles_leclerc: i need to pick someone suitable, i don’t need someone ugly or short ruining my wedding pictures
yourusername; then how about you delete this and don’t have to worry about “someone ugly or short ruining my wedding pictures”
charles_leclerc; but i don’t want you alone and sad in the pictures either!
user7: yn doesn’t have a bf?? she’s gorgeous
user8: charles you work with 19 perfectly rich, fine, and tall?? (not really, depends) men, set her up with them
user9: girl half of those men are taken
user8: okay so like 8 rich, fine, and tall (??) men, those are still lots of chances
oscarpiastri: what is going on?
charles_leclerc: are you interested oscar? because you’d be my top pick.
oscarpiastri: i’m too busy with racing for relationships right now, sorry!
yourusername: i just got rejected in front of the whole world through my brother-in law. CHARLES PLEASE STOP THIS
user9: hey so this is crazy!
user10: it’s cute that he cares enough about this too make a whole post
yourusername: charles please stop i’m getting so many dick pics
user12: gross
user13: oh that’s not…
user14: #freeyn
user15: why is he trying to sell her like a dog
user16: if this actual works, i fear we will never hear the end of it from charles
charles_leclerc: all those who are sending dick pics to my sister-in law WILL be reported for harassment. you are lucky my fiancé is holding me back from posting your small dicks all over social media.
user17: POST THE SMALL DICKS CHARLES, DO IT
user18: STOP HOLDING HIM BACK!! LET HIM BE FREE
user19: when he’s protective over his soon to be family >>
user20: three days into summer break and charles has gone crazy
yourusername: i gave you permission to propose to my sister and this is how you repay me?
yoursistersuser: we’re stuck with him for this rest of our lives 😓
yourusername: please, don’t remind me.
user21: “guy or woman” is yn gay?
charles_leclerc: yes! she is half homosexual :)
yourusername: jesus charles
charles_leclerc: what? it’s true!
danielricciardo: can you do one of these post for me?
charles_leclerc: you are rich, tall and buff. no.
charles_leclerc; @/maxverstappen1, @/georgerussell63, @/oscarpiastri, @/carlossainz55, @/alex_albon, @/danielricciardo, @/landonorris who’s interested? 😁
alex_albon; nope
danielricciardo: this weird mate
oscarpiastri; i’ve already said no
landonorris: no thank you
carlossainz55: no thank you
georgerussell63: shakes head
yourusername; kill me now
charles_leclerc: okay. whatever. i don’t care.
carlossainz55: he cares
charles_leclerc: on a completely totally unrelated note @/maxverstappen1, join me for coffee tomorrow morning?
maxverstappen1: sure 👍
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— cafe near charles house, 9am, on the dot.
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— max verstappen has posted a new story!
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[caption: nice cafe 👍]
story responses:
charles_leclerc: hehehehe 😈
user22: SO YOU AND YN WERE HANGING OUT??
user23: that twitter user wasn’t lying??!?!??
user24: charles set you and yn up huh 😼
danielricciardo: who goes to a cafe and gets tea?
maxverstappen1: yn does. and then i felt awkward ordering something else.
danielricciardo: it’s been years and she still makes you nervous?? 🤣
maxverstappen1: shut it
landonorris: i’m surprised you didn’t run away in fear when you say her instead of charles
maxverstappen1: so does everyone just know about charles plan or what?
landonorris: pretty much yeah!
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 501,026 others!
yourusername: july and august photo dump 👍
view comments below!
charles_leclerc: my wedding is in a week, why are you posting on instagram and not freaking out?
yourusername: i can multitask
charles_leclerc: maybe you having a bf was a bad idea, you are too distracted 😑
yourusername; lalalala can’t hear you
user23: boyfriend you say? ���
user24: 2 months and shes been seen "hanging out" with max more then 10 times, AND she justs posted jimmy or sassy (i cant tell the difference) what are you tryna say yn?
user25: man i can’t believe charles actually got yn a boyfriend
user26: and it’s MAX. like his max.
user27: how do yall even know theyre dating?
user25: context clues babes
user28: this is the closest we’ll get to yn and max making it “official”
user29: i feel like if they go to the wedding together, that’ll be them making it “official”
user30: oh definitely
maxverstappen1: puzzles are hard
yourusername: they’re easy when you focus on
maxverstappen1: how can i focus when i when i have a gorgeous woman should as yourself near me?
landonorris: that was smooth man 👏
maxverstappen1: thank you, i’ve been practicing
user31: and people are still saying they aren’t together??
user32: people want them to post a story wirh the caption “this is us making it official” 💀 like babes this is the best we’re going to get
user33: i can’t believe the wedding of the century is in ONE WEEK??
user34: it feels like just yesterday when charles accidentally told the whole world he was engaged
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liked by charles_leclerc, yourisistersuser, and 1,026,027 others!
yourusername: today, my sister married an idiot
view comments below!
user35: that wedding was so fucking gorgeous
user36: charles and yn planned the whole thing?? fuck f1 we need them as party planners
yourusername: planning this wedding was the most stressful thing in my fucking life. i never want to plan anything ever again
user37: well the wedding was beautiful so, worth it?
user38: i was expecting a much more emotional caption
user39: she got all her emotions out during her speech 😭
user40: OMG HER SPEECH WAS THE CUTEST THING. “charles you have changed mine and my sisters life for the better. you have introduced me to someone who makes me feel like i’m on cloud 9.” THE CAMERA PANS TO MAX??? “i know we joke and what not, but… i don’t know, just…thank you for making me feel like family.” TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE “i love you both so much,” I CRIED, CHARLES CRIED, EVERYONE CRIED
user41: we will never get that amount of emotion from yn ever again
user42: i will enjoy it while it last
yoursistersuser: i did indeed marry an idiot.
yourusername: it’s okay tho! we still like him
charles_leclerc: awwwww 🥰🥰
user43: charles just ignoring the idiot part
user44: it’s been a good day. yn and max made itt official, charles got married, and the wedding was gorgeous
user45: f1 twt has never been so peaceful
user46; RIGHT??? everyone’s just celebrating the marriage
maxverstappen1: will we have a big wedding?
yourusername: absolutely not. unless charles plans it by himself, we’re getting married in a courthouse
charles_leclerc: are you serious? you’ll let me plan your wedding?
yourusername: you proved yourself with this wedding so yes
charles_leclerc: AHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG I HAVE TO GET STARTED
user47: first it started with him trying to get her a bf, now he’s planning her wedding
user48: i feel like a proud mom watching her kids grow up 😢
. . .
notes; pls pls pls send me blurb or smau request!! i have 2 weeks left of vacation and i must make the most of it
5K notes · View notes
inkskinned · 10 months
Text
it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)
i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.
i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.
i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.
in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.
i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.
i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.
my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.
i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.
i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.
it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.
almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.
i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.
i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.
write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.
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horrorhot-line · 8 months
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xavier's nsfw alphabet
➵ pairing: xavier x female!reader
➵ word count: 2.3k
➵ genre: nsfw
➵ warnings: minors dni. this post is pure smut, no plot here. cockwarming, breeding kink, slight exhibitionism, sex toys, edging.
➵ summary: pretty self explanatory, the nsfw alphabet on your favourite boy.
➵ zayne's ver. | rafayel's ver.
➵ masterlist  (requests are open)
horrorhot-line © 2024. all rights reserved.
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notes: true to the poll, i will be doing xavier first, while i work on any other oneshot, i hope this keeps you fed ;)
also anon, if you see this, the zayne one is on its way dw <3333
credit to @multi-fandom-imagine for the template
➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵
➵ a for aftercare (what is he like after sex?) it takes it out of him completely, pounding your pussy and making sure you're satisfied. so unless you tell him to get up specifically, he'll stay balls deep inside you until he goes soft, letting your warmth and twitching body lull him to sleep. "5 more minutes…"
➵ b for body part (his favourite body part of his and also his partner's) he likes his arms- toned biceps that are the perfect handle for you when he's stuffing you with his cock. he loves watching you struggle underneath him, knowing he's the only one you'd cling to so desperately. his favourite body part when it comes to you has to be your boobs. if it were tits or ass for him, he'd choose the former any day of the week; xavier loves squeezing your nipples between his fingers, cupping them in his hands as he fucks you. he loves the way they bounce when he's pounding away at your stretched pussy. that, and they're the perfect pillow for when he's done with you, letting your heartbeat soothe him as he drifts off to sleep. "so perfect- you're beautiful, you know that?"
➵ c for cum (anything to do with cum, basically) xavier loves plugging your sopping cunt when he finally cums inside you, loves the way your body twitches under him, spent with how many orgasms he's pulled out of you, pussy spasming around him as he pumps his dick into you a few more times, making sure every last drop ends up inside you. he'll leave his dick in, ignoring the cum staining the sheets, your slick covering his thighs as he wraps his arms around you as he goes for a short nap. "i'll clean the mess up in a bit, don't worry."
➵ d for dirty secret (self-explanatory, a dirty secret of his) he won't admit it; he doesn't have to because you eventually figure it out. xavier loves edging you, slowing down his thrusts right as you're about to cum, so he can string your orgasm along and have you seeing stars. he loves the way your eyes roll back when he starts pounding into you again, his headboard slamming against the wall as he fills you up. "not yet, baby- just a little more. i promise i'll make you feel so good."
➵ e for experience (how experienced is he? does he know what he's doing?) he's not that experienced, of course not. how could he be when he's saved all his firsts for you? that doesn't matter, though; he makes up for what he lacks by being a quick learner. the first time he fucks you, it's nice and slow, has you craving for more, and the minute you manage to moan, "please," and "faster", he picks up the pace, drilling his dick into your cunt and swallowing your whimpers as his lips latch onto yours. "like this, princess?"
➵ f for favourite position (this goes without saying. will probably include a visual) he loves spoon fucking you. the number of times he's been cuddling you, and you readjust (innocently, of course), rubbing your ass across his dick one too many times. he slips his cock out of his pyjama pants, grinding into you to let you know he's in the mood as he pulls your panties aside. he rubs his cock against you, coating his tip in your slick before he pushes his dick into you inch by inch. he fucks you like this most nights, one hand wrapped around your stomach, the other squeezing your tit as he trails kisses across your nape. "so good- 'm gonna cum."
➵ g for goofy (is he more serious in the moment, or is he humorous, etc) he's not serious during sex, but he isn't goofy, either. he's laid back and mostly focuses on your needs, chasing your orgasm, angling his hips just right until he finds that one spot that has you sobbing. "does that feel good?"
➵ h for hair (how well groomed is he, does the carpet match the drapes) he's well groomed, it's not bushy. it's too much work taking care of it every day, so he shaves every other time he showers. better for you, since when he's balls deep inside you, you can feel his stubble against your clit, and fuck does it feel good. he'll shave the minute you ask him to, no questions asked. "it's not too hairy, is it?"
➵ i for intimacy (how is he during the moment, romantic aspect…) he's the romantic type, when both of you have time, he'll set up candles, greet you with flowers at the door, and carry you to bed bridal style before gently laying you down. he'll trail kisses down your body, tongue edging your clit until you're begging for him, and that initial first thrust has both of you moaning. "let me make love to you tonight, princess."
➵ j for jacking off (masturbation headcanon) he doesn't do it often and doesn't see the need to. he'd much rather stay horny, letting his balls fill up, saving it all for you so when he finally has his way with you, you're looking all cute and exhausted, leaking his cum. "you look so pretty like this, taking every inch. yeah? you feel good?"
➵ k for kink (one or more of his kinks) he's very vanilla to begin with. mostly because he doesn't know what he wants. after a while though, you suspect he does have a few kinks. one of them being- he has a breeding kink. the amount of times he's thought out loud in front of you, telling you how pretty you'd look with a baby bump. and you definitely don't miss when he makes sure no cum leaks out of you once he's done; he'll either stuff you full of his cock or his fingers, falling asleep with either still inside. also, he loves cockwarming, and nothing will convince you otherwise. he loves the warmth your pussy provides for his dick, and the way he has the best naps when he's buried inside you. "just a little longer…"
➵ l for location (favourite places to do the do) your apartment or his, he doesn't mind. as far as xavier's concerned, it's free reign. though, he does enjoy bending you over his balcony, being an s-class senior hunter means he has the paycheck to afford a penthouse. he'll slide your panties to the side on the days you wake up before him to enjoy the morning sun, and he'll nudge your legs apart before angling himself into you, raising your thigh over the glass fence so his tip kisses your cervix. you love the thrill of anyone seeing you and the added security that he won't let you fall. "so tight, you like the risk that much?"
➵ m for motivation (what turns him on, gets him going) honestly? touch his dick and find out. he's not an overly horny individual, but just one touch from you, one sultry look, and he's ready to go. towering over you as you shoot him a smirk, peeling his shirt off and discarding it in the corner as he pulls you across the bed to him by your ankle, "stop teasing me."
➵ n for nicknames (what are his favourite pet names for you? what does he call you when you're both alone?) princess is his favourite, it's the one he uses most often when he's balls deep inside you, hand underneath your shirt squeezing your tit, lips trailing kisses along your neck and leaving goosebumps in their wake as he pumps his cum into you. he calls you baby occasionally, but he prefers calling your name, whispering it alongside praises of how good you feel, when he's fucking into you.
note: if you know his backstory you'd understand the first nickname, i am on my knees sobbing and begging
➵ o for oral (preference in giving or receiving, skills, etc) he's okay with either, doesn't have a prefrence because he prefers filling you up with his cock. though, his dick does twitch when you offer to give him a blow job, and he makes sure to return the favour. he adores it when you grab his hair and force his face closer to your cunt. "enjoying yourself?"
➵ p for pace (is he fast or rough? slow or sensual?) this one is obvious, he's slow when he fucks you, lazily humping you from behind as he holds you close. he loves the way you squirm beside him, grinding on his cock, signalling for him to speed up. he'll roll his hips into yours, letting his dick hit all the right spots, teasing you as he slowly pulls out, leaving just the tip in. "begging for more, baby? tell me how you want it."
➵ q for quickies (his opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc) he's ready to go if you are; all you have to do is palm him through his pants and give him that look that says, 'i need you to fuck me, and i need you to do it now.' he'll blink, before taking your hand and leading you to the closest secluded place before he's balls deep inside you, "couldn't wait until we got home, princess?"
➵ r for risk (is he game to experiment, does he take risks, etc) if it makes you happy, he's up for experimenting when it's something you're interested in, and it isn't unreasonable. he just can't find it in himself to say no when you put your hand on his thigh and give him those eyes, it couldn't hurt to give in to your whims, "if that's what you want, my love."
➵ s for stamina (how many rounds can he go for, how long does he last) he definitely has stamina, not breaking a sweat as he snaps his hips into you, slowing down as he lowers his chest to meet yours, hand on your head to hold you in place as he sets a brutal pace that pushes you over the edge. that doesn't change the fact that he loves his sleep, and as you come down from your high, you realise that. you're still twitching at the way he's lazily humping you, cum leaking out of you as he snores softly. he tries his best to last longer than you, letting you get your release first, but the odd times he doesn't, he'll grind into you until you finish, twitching from how sensitive he is as he lets out hushed moans next to your ear.
➵ t for toy (does he own toys? does he use them? partner or himself?) he owns just one- a vibrator he got off the internet by accident, having thought it could massage his fingers, and you couldn't hold in your laughter when he showed it to you, confused as to why it didn't do its job properly. when you were done explaining that it was a sex toy and what it was used for, you enjoyed the lost look on his face and the initial realisation of what it was until he got an idea. you moved back, suddenly scared at what his smug expression implied, "who knew you'd like it this much, princess? look at how wet you are- good thing we found a use for it, hm?"
➵ u for unfair (how much does he like to tease) xavier is unfair, and not in the way you'd think. he has no idea the effect he has on you, hands on your thighs underneath tables when the two of you are on dates, palm on the small of your lower back as you walk the streets, hands finding yours, tracing his thumbs on the back of your hand when he's looking something up on his phone, and those eyes, fuck those eyes really did you in. you're horny 24/7 around him, hyperaware he's there, and that he's yours, you end up asking him to help you. "how did you get this wet, baby? i didn't do anything this time."
➵ v for volume (how loud is he? what sounds does he make?) he's not that vocal; he's on the quiet side, but he knows how to make up for it. the initial moan he lets out when he's slipping his dick in, inch by inch, is music to your ears. he'll bury his face in your neck or place his head beside yours so you can hear his soft groans.
➵ w for wildcard (random headcanon for him) he will listen. you think it's the best thing about him. you have one problem, little or big, you have one tiny complaint, and it's fixed, he'll ask you what you need, and it's done. you want him to touch you more often, want him to spend more time with you, want him to do the dishes when you've had a rough day, it's done, no questions asked. you think he's the sweetest for this, he's definitely a golden retriever boyfriend.
➵ x for x-ray (what's going on in those pants of his) he's not the girthiest, but his dick is long and hits all the right spots. you do realise one day though, that his cock bends slightly to the left, no wonder he has you seeing stars. his v-line is to die for; you love it when he wears grey sweats, the band of his briefs slightly visible as he stretches, and his light blonde happy trail leading down to…
➵ y for yearning (how high is his sex drive) he's more into the romantic aspect of the relationship, having lived as long as he has, he's just happy he has you by his side. but if you tease him… grinding as you sit on his lap, your soaked panties and his pants between the two of you, and he watches you trying to get off, it's all over for you. "you know i can't say no to you."
➵ z for zzz (how quickly does he fall asleep afterwards)immediately, he is knocked out, feeling safe in your arms as you trace circles into his back and rub your hands through his hair, he's sleeping like a rock. the one time the two of you forgot to say 'i love you's' to each other before bed, you had muttered those three words when you had realised, and your half-hearted strokes across his shoulder stopped when he mumbled them back, still asleep.
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calliesmemes · 7 months
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ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF
ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET
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CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.
SPECIFY muse for multimuses.
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“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”
“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”
“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”
“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”
“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”
“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”
“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”
“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”
“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”
“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”
“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”
“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”
“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”
“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”
“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”
“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”
“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”
“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”
“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”
“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”
“   I really do hate thinking. ”
“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”
“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”
“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”
“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”
“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”
“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”
“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”
“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”
“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”
“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”
“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”
“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”
“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”
“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”
“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”
“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”
“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”
“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”
“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”
“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”
“   You look so biteable today. ”
“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”
“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”
“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”
“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”
“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”
“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”
“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”
“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”
“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”
“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”
“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”
“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”
“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”
“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”
“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”
“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”
“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”
“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”
“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”
“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”
“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”
“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”
“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”
“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”
“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”
“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”
“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”
“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”
“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”
“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”
“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”
“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”
“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”
“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”
“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”
“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”
“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”
“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”
“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”
“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”
“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”
“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”
“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”
“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”
“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”
“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”
“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”
“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”
“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”
“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”
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greynatomy · 7 months
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rivals?
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alexia putellas x messi!reader
request here
with all the alexia angst being posted (my fault), here’s some fluff
———
In the world of professional football, rivalry between two players are always one that many fans are eager to watch.
In the men’s world of football, there was Messi and Ronaldo.
In the women’s, Messi and Putellas. Two of the most sought after female footballers of this time.
You and Alexia were known as fierce rivals on the field when competing for your country. You for Argentina, Alexia for Spain. Both of your competitiveness fueling debates among fans. Little did everyone know, behind the scenes, you both shared a secret that could rival the on-field intensity.
Away from the spotlight, you and Alexia were much more than rivals and teammates — you were married.
Your love story began when you’d transferred from playing in the Women’s Super League to Barça. From the first time she’d laid her eyes on you, there was an instant connection. At first she didn’t know how to feel about your transfer, only having played against you for the national team, where the rivalry grew and grew, but as you both played for Barça, the understanding and pressure you both experience helped you grow closer.
Late-night rendezvous, secret getaways, and coded messages allowed you to maintain your privacy. It was difficult to keep everything a secret, something you’ve both agreed on. Time moved quickly from the first time she’d seen you in a Barça kit to now, six years later.
You’re both cuddled up on the couch, watching a replay of the match you’ve just played, pointing out the things you and the team could have done better, when you heard some whining on the baby monitor searched up on the coffee table.
With a kiss to your head, Alexia got up to see what the fuss was all about. You watched on through the monitor, seeing how your wife delicately held and talked to your two year old, making you fall in love with her all over again.
“See look there’s Mami.” Alexia points you out, walking in with Rosa in her arms.
“Mami.” Rosa mumbles, arms reaching out for you, cuddling into your body once in your hold.
“How was your nap, bebé?”
All you got was a whine. Alexia cuddles back into your side as Rosa falls back into a slumber.
“I’ve been thinking.” Alexia starts.
“Uh oh. Mamá has been thinking.” You tease, earning you a playful shove.
“Seriously. Rosa turned two a bit ago and I want to be able to show her what her Mami and Mamá do or work. The environment which all the fans.”
Alexia starts to ramble. Saving her from spiraling, you place a hand over her mouth stopping her words.
“I was thinking the same thing.”
With a bright smile on her face, Alexia pulls you in a passionate kiss, careful to not wake your daughter up.
Three weeks later, Spain has a friendly match against Argentina. Everyone played hard no matter that it was only a friendly, the match ending in a draw.
As far as the public knew, you and Alexia were still rivals, enemies, or any other term they use, so whenever they see you conversing after matches, fans and media freak out, like right now.
What the fans didn’t expect was a small child running into your arms with laughter. Standing up with Rosa in your arms, Alexia wraps her arms around both of you, kisses being placed on her cheeks by both of her moms.
To say the fans and media were exploding was an understatement.
“Alexia, they need you for media.”
Alexia settles herself at the table in front of all the press, waiting for the questions to come.
“Hola, Alexia. Great game today.”
“Thank you.”
After a couple of questions about the match, a little kid is seen throwing themselves onto Alexia.
“Mamá!”
A second person is seen chasing after the child.
“Sorry, sorry. She’s gotten fast.”
You run in, trying to grab Rosa from your wife, who is wriggling to make her harder to hold.
“You can leave her here.”
“You sure?”
She nods so you give them both a kiss on the head and walk out the room.
“Sorry about that.”
“Who do we have here? If you don’t mind us asking.”
“Bebé can you tell them your name?”
“Soy Rosa Putellas.”
The room let out a collective ‘aww’.
“So-so she’s your daughter?” A reporter stutters, stunned by the little girl.
“Yes.”
“And Messi’s?”
“Yes.”
The room full reporters burst, questions being asked over the others. Alexia just stands up, walking out of the room.
“I think you broke them.” Is the first thing you say when she walks into the locker room.
“Eh.” She shrugs. “Makes it fun.”
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sufficientlylargen · 3 months
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Corrections
We here at Sufficiently Large Ndustries pride ourselves on our unwavering commitment to factual accuracy in all things.
Recently, it has come to our attention that certain details of this post, hereinafter referred to as the "Fuck Yeah Stick-Elf" post, or FYSE, seem to contradict the canon established by internationally-known author Jonald Ronald Rolkien Tolkien (h/t @elodieunderglass for explaining his full name).
Because of our unwavering commitment to factual accuracy in all things, we cannot possibly have made any mistakes, so we wish to issue several corrections to your understanding to demonstrate that we were correct all along:
Question: Don't the Gondorians call him Mithrandir?
Answer: Not all Gondorians.
Canonically, Tolkien notes that the people of Gondor use the Sindarin name Mithrandir (from mith "grey" and randir "random", hence "some random grey guy") for Olórin. However, Tolkien's references to this are always about Gondorian nobility or royalty, who did indeed call Stick-Elf Mithrandir. This is because they were kind of pretentious, like native English speakers who insist on correcting anyone who doesn't pronounce "Paris" as "pair-REE".
When six-year-old Faramir had nightmares and ran to his father calling out "I'm scared!", Denethor would correct him, saying "No, you feel echais", because he was a dick. Part of the reason why Gondor lost a lot of its ancient glory is because it had centuries of leaders who were like this.
The average Joeromir Schmoeromir on the streets of Gondor, however, just called him Stick-Elf.
Question: If this is set in the past and Éodan is from Rohan, how could Gondor have a king?
Answer: It's not that king.
Suzannethor (the Archivist) mentions that Stick-Elf brought fireworks for the king's birthday, but Gondor's last king, King Eänur, died in T.A. 2050, almost five centuries before Rohan was founded in T.A. 2510 (special thanks to @thinkinginquenya for pointing out this discrepancy).
The answer is that FYSE is set in T.A. 2703, well after Rohan's founding; When the characters refer to "the king", they're not referring to royalty, but rather to the famous Númenórean musician Aarondil Préslion, often called "The King of Chant and Lyre" or just "The King" for short.
At this point there weren't many Men with enough Númenórean blood to have the sort of longevity that Aarondil had, leading to rumors that he was secretly an elf, hence his stage name, Elvish Présli.
Some of his most famous songs, like "Jailhouse Dirge" and "You Ain't Nothin' But a Warg Dog" are still popular today. Olórin was particularly fond of "Blue Steel Shoes", a lively jig about plate mail maintenance, and this is why he brought fireworks to Présli's 90th birthday party.
Question: Why does Elrond say "here in the North" in Gondor?
Answer: Elrond is a very sleepy boi.
In FYSE, Elrond says "Here in the North", even though generally most surviving texts of Middle-Earth are Gondo-centric and use "The North" to refer to lands north of Gondor, like Arnor/Eriador or the Forodwaith.
However, Jenniforomir just woke Elrond up from a nap (she didn't realize this because elves sleep with their eyes open), and he's still slightly disoriented. He says "Here in the North" because he was dreaming about a pub he visited once in Annúminas (and he is slightly shaken because in the dream he had forgotten to wear clothes, he had an exam coming up that he hadn't known about, and very tiny orcs were juggling silmarils all over the place).
Question: Why would Elrond out Olórin as a Maiar?
Answer: He was already out.
Tolkien didn't mention this in the books, but Olórin travels around on horse with several Maiar Pride bumper stickers, including a plain Maiar pride flag, one that reads "Maiar tested, Valar approved", and one that reads "Maiarn't there a lot of us!". Elrond knows this, and so has no compunction telling random Gondorians that Olórin is a Maiar.
We hope that these clarifications will reassure you that we here at Sufficiently Large Ndustries have never said anything false, ever, in all directions and at all times.
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enwoso · 2 months
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A fic where Lovie is extremely clingy and doesn’t want to leave alessias side and they’re going to film one of the tooney and Russo podcast episodes and alessia tries to put Lovie off to the side out of the way of everything like normal but Lovie is just sobbing because she doesn’t want to be left and so she interrupts the podcast and ends up being in the episode because they just keep filming
the video version gets posted and part of it is alessia just rocking Lovie back and forth and bouncing her to calm her down
STOLEN THE SHOW — alessia russo x child!reader
funnily enough i’ve rewrote this four times… this is the best one out of the four. not my best but ENJOY!🙃
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grumpy masterlist
alessia could already tell that filming todays episode of the tooney and russo show was going to be a difficult one. not because of the topic of conversation, but because today all you wanted was to be by your mummy's side.
usually when alessia was filming the podcast it would be around the time of your mid day nap however today was an early start, the girls hoping to film a couple episodes in the short time that ella was down in london for.
"lovie, come on. i need you to stay here while mummy films with auntie ella and vick" alessia tried the soft approach hoping it would help to peel you from her arms.
"no." you mumbled your grip getting tighter as a few sniffles came from you, alessia sitting herself on one of the many colourful seats in the bbc studio. hoping that you would soothe, there still being a few minutes before filming was supposed to begin.
"hey less, is she asleep?" ella smiled as she pointed to you. alessia giving her best friend a look that said it all as she shook her head.
"she won't let me put her down" alessia whispered a small sigh coming from her as ella nodded sitting down next to her best friend.
"tiny?" ella tried as she tapped your small shoulder a small whine coming from you as you dug your head further into your mummy's body.
"tiny i need to tell you something it's really important!" ella tried again, as you peeled your face slightly from alessia's shoulder, the top of you head poking out your eyebrows furrowed together, ella being able to guess that there was a frown on your lips but she couldn't see it due to the lower half of your face being hidden.
"listen, how about after we've done all this boring adult things we go to that desert place that your mummy has told me all about and i know you love the waffles from there!" ella smiled as you were in the middle of thinking, but nodding your head slowly. you did really like the waffles from there.
"but you have to let go of mummy so we can do the boring adult things yeah?" ella added as you were now a little unsure. you just wanted to go back to sleep in the comfort of your mummy's arms.
you nodded slightly apprehensive but still loosening your grip as alessia made the move to sit you down in the usual area where you'd sit, on a beanbag with alessia's phone watching a series of cartoons.
alessia carefully walking away as if, if she made one wrong step that you would start to cry, ella and vick already say in their respective seats awaiting alessia to come so filming could begin.
alessia picking up her iced coffee and sitting down, the cameras started rolling.
"hello everyone! welcome to the—" vick got half way through her sentence before you started to cry, throwing the phone in your hand out and onto the hard ground. a small sigh coming from alessia as she passed her iced coffee to ella to put on the small table next to her.
alessia moving quickly to get you and soothe you. "it's okay lovie" your mummy cooed as you hid your head in her neck. alessia moving back towards the couch as she rubbed a hand up and down your back to soothe your small sniffles.
"she can just sit there y'know?" ella commented as vick hummed in agreement with ella, alessia looking up to the pair debating her options as she knew it would be filmed and while she didn't mind you being on social media she didn't want you to have a lot of exposure to it as a result of your young age.
"lovie are you gonna sit in your special seat?" alessia whispered as she felt you shake your head.
"no. wan be with mummy" you mumbled as both vick and ella looked at each other with a pout at your cuteness of being an all round mummy's girl. alessia admitted defeat and placed you in a more relaxed position in her arms knowing you would more than likely go back to sleep during the recording.
"looks like she's joining the pod for today!"
"hello, and welcome to the tooney and russo show with me vick hope and i am here with football's most famous friends! ella toone and alessia russo!" vick smiled making sure to add her clap and woo into the end of the intro like she did every episode. finally getting a good intro where you hadn’t interrupted or she hadn’t stumbled over her words.
"and for those who are watching on youtube you will be able to see special guest to the episode today and that is alessia's mini me, who is currently sat cuddling into alessia for those who are listening" vick explained as alessia hummed trying to get you to say a small hello however you were having none of it.
"i- she's drifting off back to sleep" alessia smiled stroking a finger over your cheek as your eyes were fluttering shut but then opening again a few seconds later.
"i mean i don't blame her!" ella giggled, as both alessia and vick hummed in agreement.
"yeah, we should clarify it's a very early recording session, it's seven in the morning" vick began as she also held a coffee in her hand.
"it's not great for me or for tiny clearly!" ella gestured towards you at your sleepy form as you were half asleep but were fidgeting with the string on your mummy's jumper.
a small laugh coming from both alessia and vick who both held cups of coffee in there hands. "no it's not great for ella as unlike me and alessia she doesn't drink coffee"
"but she is going to try it aren't you" alessia smiled in ella direction swirling the straw making the ice clank against the side of the cup.
"more like your gonna force it down my neck" ella complained into the mic. "yeah but it's a really nice coffee!" alessia tried to convince her best friend holding the coffee out for ella to try.
"less you do it all the time, and each time i never like it and it leaves a horrible taste in my mouth-"
"you've got sweets over there" alessia pointed out as you head perked up a little at the sound of sweets being on the go.
"what haribos at seven in morning" ella raised her eyebrows a small giggle came from alessia as she nodded. you tapping your mummy's arm as ella tried the coffee.
"me have a sweetie?" you ask with a tired look on your face as your mummy sat and thought about it for a second before nodding. waiting for ella to stop her dramatics before asking her to pass the sweet jar.
"has it got any better" vick questioned, as ella shook her head. "it's creamier but other than that it's rank-"
"tooney pass the sweet jar!" alessia tapped ella on the shoulder just like you had done moments ago, as she side eyed the blonde, "you said you didn't want any sweets before-"
"there not for me! for lovie!" alessia pointed out as you small smile came from you as you waited for the sweets to get to you.  your mummy handing you the jar as you looked up at her as she nodded her head motioning for you to choose what you wanted.
"i get two?" you asked quietly, alessia humming as she looked down at you picking your two sweets out, yes you probably shouldn't be having sweets this early in the morning but there was expectations like today.
"so i think we've discovered you both definitely aren't morning people" vick points out as both ella and alessia shook their head.
"no definitely not, i used to be worse when i was younger though. my mum used to leave me for hours before she spoke to me- but i've gotten better with age" ella smiled proudly at herself as alessia chuckled, ella definitely not being the best person in the morning to talk to.
"i mean i feel like you would think i was a morning person because of lovie but i don't know who made that stupid rumour that having a child makes you a morning person because it definitely doesn't." alessia complained, looking down at you to check you were okay. you still drifting in and out of sleep.
"yeah i can imagine your up early on a mornings no?" vick questions as alessia firmly shakes her head.
"some mornings i am obviously when i've got training, but i would say i lie in for me is about eight am. i usually get woken up by her jumping on top of me or lovie will just sit and tap me on the arm"
ella started laughing as both vick and alessia snap their attention towards the brunette, "no sorry but do you remember on england camp when-" ella started but couldn't get the rest out cause she was laughing.
"oh i wanna hear this now"
"tooney!"
"no, we was on england camp and alessia had fallen asleep and tiny wanted you for something but alessia had taken so long to wake up that by that point she'd forgotten what she was gonna ask-" ella managed to get in between laughs.
"but she was sat there for a least thirty minutes tapping you lightly on the arm and then alessia woke up in a proper bad mood cause she'd slept through her alarm"
"oh bless her, what is it like having your daughter with you on camp? cause i can imagine it may be difficult?" vick asked as alessia hummed into the mic, one hand on your back tracing shapes in your back as the other was still holding her iced coffee.
"i mean it can be difficult especially when we are travelling a lot and for her being so young it's can be hard but no the staff at england and arsenal are so good and always make sure that she's okay as well as the players" alessia commented, as she felt you kick your legs out getting yourself more comfy in alessia's arms.
"but all the girls love her so she loves being there. it always a struggle trying to drop her off at nursery as she would rather be with me at arsenal with the girls"
"and which you wouldn’t believe looking at her right now but she's a proper chatter box, less always says she gets that off me-" ella rolls her eyes, throwing a glare at the blonde sat across the couch from her. alessia shaking her head. "i disagree, i think she gets it from you-"
"every time i've seen her here she always so quiet and calm" vick smiles, shocked at the fact that your so chatty when every time she's seen you you've just always been so quiet but she had only seen you twice before today. you usually being at nursery when filming was taking place.
"oh she's anything but quiet and calm"
the podcast carried on, the girls talking about england camp as a whole and what they get up to in their spare time when they are not training, as well as answering fan questions about if they could be a kitchen appliance which one and why. that starting a whole debate.
while you say content as long as you were in close proximity of your mummy, one slight wrong more and you were whining for her. alessia soothing you throughout the recording, as you stayed in her arms.
the podcast taking another turn talking about nicknames as a fan had asked who had the worst nickname in the squad, the girls not being able to pick one. it leading to a question from vick.
"i've noticed that you have your own little nickname for y/n which isn't tiny like all the other girls call her. and I'm just curious as to why it's that?" vick asks as alessia lets out a little laugh into the mic as ella turns her head so she's facing alessia too.
"you know what i've always wondered this too-" ella points out, now realising that she's known you for years and doesn't know the reason behind your mums nickname for you.
"to be honest it's not really an exciting story as it may sound but she was born on february 14th which is valentine's day but also she's my little love so it just fits i guess and nobody else picked up on calling her that just me, like even my family call her tiny so" alessia explained as vick hummed, ella sat as she processed what alessia had said before humming understanding now the reason behind your nickname.
"but if anyone else apart from less tries to call her lovie she wont answer them. so that's probably why nobody else calls her lovie" ella pointed out as alessia nodded her head before whispering a true to back up what ella had just said.
"really does she not?" vick was surprised by that but could also understand why.
"yeah, watch-" ella whispered, turning towards you as you were playing with your mummy's phone on the camera app, you not exactly being an expert in photography more taking photos of your forehead or the side of your face. you just liking the feel of pressing the white button, as you were in your own little world.
"lovie, look what i've got" ella tried as she tapped your shoulder, you not paying any attention as you continued to play with your mummy's phone.
"right now you try!" ella pointed to alessia as she looked down at you, a small giggle coming from your mum as she watched you take a photo of the side of your face.
"lovie, do you want a snack?" your mummy asked as you looked up, nodding your head. stretching your small body as your arms reached up with your mums phone in your hands. being very close to hitting your mummy in the face as she grabbed your phone out of your hand.
"see-" ella said smugly as she looked over towards vick who was pleasantly surprised, "wow, they have such a cute mother daughter relationship though. it's adorable" vick pouted as ella nodded, alessia in the process of sitting you back on her lap with a packet of breakfast snacks.
it obvious to anyone watching how much alessia cared about you. the rest of the episode was filmed. alessia having to take the occasional break to rock you in her arms when you started to whine.
but when the episode aired, the comments were filled with wanting you to join your mummy and the pod every episode and even some wanting to do a episode dedicated to you when you were in the mood to talk.
the rest of the comments were filled with nice comments about how good a mother alessia was and the cute relationship she had with you and how gentle and caring she was.
the fans were hooked, you had said less than ten words in the entire podcast but as always you had stolen the show.
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kajibunny · 4 months
Text
⟡˖ ࣪ ren kaji as your boyfriend ₊˚⊹⋆
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✿ summary: relationship headcanons (ren kaji x reader) ✿ warnings: awkward silliness, some parts are a lil suggestive ✿ a/n: i love this man so much you don’t understand pls ;__; hi i'm new here and ofc my first post is abt my love, ren kaji hihi pls be nice!! ✿ wc: 960
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ꕤ kaji is more than just your bf, he’s also your bff, partner-in-crime, and sometimes guard dog (lol).
ꕤ he’s a little mean, but he means well. 
ꕤ everyone in town refers to you both as each other’s “other half”, as he relies on you quite a lot. not because he wants to boss you around (well, well, iykyk second year grade captain ren kaji mode on) but because he immensely trusts you.
ꕤ you also rely on him a lot, and he is a very protective boyfriend. he won’t let anyone harm a single hair on your head if he can help it.
ꕤ lots of people thought you two were already together way before you two actually got together, since you two were always…well, together. to the point that you adapted each other’s habits and vocabulary. (you catch yourself picking up kaji's direct tone of speaking and occassional "damnit!") no one was at all surprised when he introduced you as his lover. to everyone, you two were practically married already.
ꕤ it’s either both of you are bantering or play fighting one second, then all over each other the next. if ever you two have serious arguments, he’s usually the first one to apologize and ask how he can make it up to you. kaji is very mature that way, and is scared of hurting you, as he treasures you with all his heart (and body lol).
ꕤ has this habit of putting his lollipop in your mouth - just to see what you would do. loves the faces you make when you least expect it. thinks you’re so cute like that, but of course, will never admit it out loud. 
ꕤ when agitated, he calms down when you give him head pats and tell him that he’s a good boy. (double meaning i’m telling you)
ꕤ his love language is definitely quality time! he loves hanging around with you, walking home together, having deep talks in high places like a grassy hill or rooftop until the sun rises, listening to music together while you lean on his shoulder absorbing the sound from his headphones.
ꕤ your pet names for each other are lowkey insults like “idiot, dumbass, stupid” but affectionately. it became kind of like an inside joke between the two of you. he’d say the sweetest things, then pair it with a completely opposite word, like “it’s because i love you…you fool.” and you can't tell whether he wants to fight you or if he wants to kiss you. 
ꕤ kaji likes having collaborative playlists with you. doesn’t matter if you two don’t have the same music taste, since he’s always curious about what you’re listening to. sometimes sneaks in a few hidden messages using song titles in his playlists, for your eyes only.
ꕤ during the cold season, he lets you slip your hands in his hoodie pockets, embracing him from behind, like he’s your natural heat pack.
ꕤ when sleeping together, he’s a (literal) freak in the sheets. a blanket and pillow hogger, takes up more than half of the bed, ends up in the strangest sleeping positions, and at times accidentally pushes you until you end up on the floor. 
he definitely does not mean it though, if you hug him or hold him tightly while sleeping, there’s a higher chance he’ll stay still.
ꕤ when not on the bed, kaji likes to take naps on your lap or your shoulder, because according to him “it’s comfy and soft. like a pillow”
ꕤ lets you hold his valuables - lets you wear his hoodies, lets you hold his headphones, lets you drink from his bottled water, and even lets you suck on his lollipop (the one in his mouth okay but maybe also sometimes the one in his pants asdjbjdjcnd;;) but only you are allowed, because you’re special.
ꕤ you had to learn basic first aid because kaji always ends up with many injuries after fights, and gets angry at anyone who tries to touch him or disinfect his wounds, except for you. (soft!kaji *sighs* the effect you have on him aaaa) 
ꕤ makes a barrier with you in his arms whenever you’re passing with him in a crowded or busy street, to make sure no one bumps you or gets too close to you, to keep you safe.
ꕤ kaji is naturally such a good kisser, but claims he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. he tells you it’s just because he’s eaten a lot of lollipops, so he probably practiced unknowingly with his mouth and tongue. (help this is so funny)
ꕤ so many awkward and cute moments, that makes you love your little idiot ren kaji more and more each day (if that’s even possible) 
accidentally bit your hand when you fed him food. (from that day on, woke up to the realization that he might have a little bit of a biting kink)
once tried to do a kabedon on you like you two saw in one film you watched together but ended up tripping a bit, landing on top of you and squishing you.
there was a time he asked for love advice from hiragi when you two started dating, and umemiya ended up eavesdropping on them, and kaji ran away so fast as if he saw a ghost (ref: ch 58 kaji-senpai lol)
forgot he was wearing his headphones with music on full blast and broadcasted a little too loudly about how much he missed you because “you were gone on your trip for so long” and he “wanted to kiss your annoying face” all in front of his giggly vice captains, who of course heard every single thing he said. you made sure to tease him a lot about it afterwards.
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© kajibunny 2024 / all rights reserved
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onlyangel4 · 1 month
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I once again dont have any drivers in mind but pls do something with “waves of blue” by majid jordan🥺 thank you!!!!
waves of blue. ls2. smau.
fans have noticed that logan does not seems like he is enjoying his job anymore. but when his girlfriend joins him for the first time they realise that she is all he needs to be happy.
author's note: guys isn't it insane how much abigail cowen's real boyfriend looks like logan it actually blew my mind ngl
faceclaim: abigail cowen
f1lover
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liked by user1, user2, user3 and 45,8273 others
f1lover: logan has been having such a bad season and you can literally see the light drained out of his eyes, he just always looks so deflated and it makes me so sad. i just want to give him a hug.
view all 1,175 comments
user1: i know y/n is really busy with work but he just looks like someone who needs a hug from his girlfriend
user2: he has not been happy ever since the beginning of the season
user3: everytime they pan to him he is frowning and it makes me so sad, especially since we now know he probably won't be back next year
logansargeant
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liked by alexalbon, y/ninsta, oscarpiastri and 879,374 others
tagged: y/ninsta
logansargeant: had the best summer break back in miami with my girl. back to work in the netherlands this weekend.
view all 4,582 comments
y/ninsta: still can't believe i actually managed to get two weeks of summer break off this year
logansargeant: honestly i'm so grateful you did love, i had the best time with you
user4: this is the most american summer break post ever
user5: the only pictures i see logan actually smiling are the ones where he is with y/n
user6: caption makes it seems like he really doesn't want to go back to work
f1updates
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liked by user7, user8, user9 and 78,283 others
f1updates: logan sargeant had a horrible crash during fp3, it is very unlikely that the car will be ready before the qualifying session, therefore he will be starting at the back of the grid. this is the beginning of yet another disappointing weekend for the american driver.
view all 1,329 comments
user7: oh logan, why is it always you?
user8: no longer he seems to hate his job now
user9: i'm so glad that he is okay that could have been really bad
user10: as much as i joke about wanting to be a wag i genuinely don't know how y/n does it, watching the man you love get in these dangerous situations and not being able to hold him afterwards would be so awful
y/ninsta posted a story
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written: as many of you know i am a vet tech and i was on the night shift today, 8pm to 8am, logan's crash happened just before i finished my shift, i have spoken to him and he is okay, i just wanted to pop on here to kindly ask that you stop sending me pictures of my boyfriend's horrific crash asking for my opinion on it, i do not want to constantly see that when i open my messages, thank you loves now it is time for me to go to bed
logansargeantupdates
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written: another race weekend more sad content of logan
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logansargeant posted a story
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written: look who happened to pick me up from the netherlands
y/ninsta posted a story tagging logansargeant
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written: just watched my first in person practice session and jesus christ those cars are fast
logansargeant posted a story
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written: p16 tomorrow, so close to q2 but we move, me and this girl are going to go have a nap
logansargeant posted a story tagging y/ninsta
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written: my girl's first race weekend
f1updates posted two stories
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story one written: the smile
story two: the reason for the smile
y/ninsta posted a story
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written: here we go
f1updates posted a story
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written: logan finished p16 but he is the happiest we have ever seen him, he ran down the pit lane to find y/n after the race and they shared such a happy loving embrace. seems like this american boy just needed his american girl
y/ninsta
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liked by logansargeant, lilymhe, iamrebeccad and 283,834 others
tagged: logansargeant
y/ninsta: my first ever race weekend ! and i am so proud of my boy i love you so much logan and i can't wait to attend more races even if my heart can't take it
view all 4,585 comments
logansargeant: i loved having you by my side this weekend my love
y/ninsta: there is nowhere else i would rather be
lilymhe: it was so nice to have you in the paddock
y/ninsta: thank you for telling me what was going on when i had to shut my eyes
user11: they have only been to one race together and they are already my fav couple
user12: logan perks up whenever you are about it is the sweetest thing ever
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quin-ns · 1 year
Text
Neighborhood Dilf (Joel Miller x Reader)
Word count: 2.7K
Summary: joel finds out he has a nickname and he asks you what it means
Tags: pre-outbreak this is a happy fic guys!! I didn’t specify a year but let’s put it at 2000 for funsies so sarah is like 11 and joel is like 30ish. also fluff, humor, flirting, age gap, goofy plot (I don’t know what this is honestly), joel being the definition of a dilf and not knowing it, crushes, overall cuteness. also suburbia
A/N: I saw a tiktok where someone said they just knew joel was the neighborhood dilf and they were so real for that I had to write it. and no I don’t care that the word was popularized online we’re using it here. I’m here to provide a cute fluffy fanfic not a historically accurate one lol. also sorry if your name is bee, I tried to come up with a name for the friend that was a nickname so if it was someone’s actual name they could just imagine their full name (I overthink)
cross-posted to ao3 • tlou masterlist • main masterlist
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The loud music coming from outside woke you up from your afternoon nap. After spending a semester at college struggling to find even an hour of sleep, you were taking as many of those as possible. You were a little grouchy at first as you threw your covers off and stormed to your window, but quickly calmed down when you realized it was the annual block party your neighborhood hosted during the summer.
You’d gotten an in-person invite from Bee, another girl home from college who you’d been friends with in high school before going your separate ways. You still kept in touch since she was nice enough, which is how you found out her family was hosting this year. She’d confided in you personally that she would quote “go crazy if it was all kids and old people.”
As you looked out into their front yard, which was diagonal to yours, you saw that’s pretty much all it was. Since you were such a good friend, you decided that you’d go. 
You were getting dressed (at a leisurely pace) when your phone started to ring. You picked it up from your desk after you pulled your pink sundress on and flipped it open. The caller ID read Bee’s name and you answered, ready to tell her you were on your way.
“He’s here,” she said, sounding mistified, before you could even open your mouth. 
“Who?” you wondered, furrowing your brows a little to yourself as you went to the window.
“The neighborhood dilf,” Bee replied under her breath. 
The nickname made you laugh. It reminded you of high school. It had started as a joke, something you had started calling the new guy who’d moved into the neighborhood with his daughter a few years back. Later you found out his name was Joel Miller, but the nickname spread like wildfire to all the other girls in the neighborhood and it just stuck. 
Everyone knew about it; the girls of course, their confused parents, jealous boys who thought Joel was stealing their attention—the only person who wasn't aware of the moniker (as far as you knew) was Joel. Well, you hoped his daughter didn’t know either. Thankfully, after time, everyone forgot that you had started it. It was a bit embarrassing.
You walked away from the window to your closet and slid on your flip flops—it was summer in Texas, after all.
“You need to get over here, Y/N—what?” the last word sounded distant from the phone. “Yeah, she’s supposed to be on her way,” Bee replied, but to someone else.
“Um, hello?” you asked, waiting.
Bee was quiet for a few seconds, then whisper shouted into the phone, “you’ll never guess what just happened!”
“Let me guess, Joel just walked up and professed his love for you,” you teased, laughing at your own joke. “What, were my parents asking for me or something?” you guessed for real that time, recalling the small bit you had heard her say.
“Unfortunately no, and also no,” she sounded a little too disappointed about the first part, which made you chuckle again. “He did just ask me about you though.”
“Who?”
“The dilf.”
“Just use his name,” you told her with a roll of your eyes, heading out of your room to the stairs. “Wait.” You stopped for a second. “Joel asked about me?” 
“Yeah. I changed my mind, you’re not invited.”  If it wasn’t for her obvious sarcasm you might’ve thought she was serious. “He heard me say your name and asked if you’d be here soon. I—hey!” she yelled, causing you to pull the phone from your ear for a second. You continued your descent down the stairs as she yelled something about ‘kids’ and ‘stay out of there’. “I gotta go,” she said suddenly, then hung up.
You just shook your head with a small, amused smile and left your phone on the counter. Stupid dress and no pockets. 
You headed out the front door and walked across the street towards the party. 
It was in full swing. Music, games, food table—it looked like something out of a magazine. The Grants had a huge front yard—it was one of the nicer houses in the neighborhood—and it seemed like everyone was there. There were kids running around, adults all mingling—some sitting at the fold out tables, others walking around, others chasing their kids—there was also a group of dads surrounding the grill. You glanced that way and didn’t see Joel. You wondered where he was and if you should find him, but Bee found you first.
“The kids aren’t supposed to go inside alone and two of those little jerks went into my room,” Bee complained right away, straightening out her white blouse over her jean shorts. Her pinned back brown hair was a little messy, though. You wondered what happened, which she quickly answered. “I saw them jumping on my bed through the window.”
“Sounds like fun,” you commented sarcastically. Bee looped her arm through yours. 
“My dad set up ring toss and it’s all little kids, I don’t wanna be the only adult playing. Come on.” She dragged you along in that direction and you willingly went with.
You saw a few kids from the neighborhood playing, mostly the preteens who were too old for hopscotch but whose parents had told them they weren't old enough for the mini golf (one of the boys had overshared that little comment). 
“Y/N!” a girl's voice called. You looked that way and saw Sarah Miller walking towards you. A few days out of the week when her dad was working late, you’d go over to their house and keep an eye on her (before you left for college). It was the easiest babysitting gig you ever had; she was polite, always did her school work, and hardly caused any problems. Her dad had raised her very well. 
She looked older than you remembered her being, but you had been gone for both fall and spring semesters—well, you had been home for winter break briefly, but not enough to see anyone other than your parents.
“Sarah, hi!” you greeted, accepting the hug she offered when she got close. “How are you?”
“Good!” she said with a smile. “Are you guys gonna play with us?” she asked you and Bee. “I keep beating them and it’s not fun anymore.” 
You and Bee both laughed at that. “Sure, why not.”
“It feels weird playing with her after talking about how hot her dad is,” Bee whispered in your ear when Sarah went first. “You think he’ll come over here?”
“And what would you do if he did?” you challenged while hiding a chuckle, raising your brows at her.
“Um, probably nothing,” she admitted, cheeks a little pink. “He’s fun to look at though.” 
You hummed. “You’re not wrong.” 
The two of you played a few rounds of ring toss, although Bee got very bored quickly. “Can we go get some drinks?” she asked after not that long of playing.
“Sure,” you decided. You waved bye to Sarah and the others as the two of you walked off towards the cooler.
Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed some of the other girls in the neighborhood that hadn’t been in attendance before. For a couple that you knew, it didn’t seem like their scene. 
“What are they doing here?” you asked Bee.
“I may or may not have also told them the neighborhood dilf was here. They, uh, wanted to… see him,” she answered, avoiding eye contact.
You raised your brows in slight disbelief. “Are you serious?” 
“I wanted more people our age here,” Bee defended. “I wasn’t sure if you were even gonna show.”
You scoffed out a laugh. “You’re ridiculous,” you told her.
You reached the cooler and knelt down. You handed Bee a water, but she didn’t accept it. You looked up at her.
“Keep an eye out for the dilf, I haven’t seen him in a while. I’ll be right back,” Bee told you, taking off before you could say anything. You guessed the bathroom given her speed walking inside.
You laughed a little to yourself as you stood back up. You kept the water for yourself. You looked out amongst the crowd, realizing you were now on your own while everyone was in groups. You saw a couple people you were friends with and thought of maybe going up and joining them, but someone else spotted you first.
Joel Miller, the aforementioned neighborhood dilf, was walking towards you. Bee would be jealous, especially if she knew you and Joel were actually friends.
You had thought about telling Bee and some of the other girls that you were friends with Joel, given how much they just loved to gossip about him (how he was still single, how he looked really good in his pajamas getting the mail, that one time he took his shirt off while mowing the lawn—that was a big day) but then you thought better of it, not wanting to be run out of town by a jealous mob.
You were already getting glances by the time Joel stopped by your side so maybe your humbleness was pointless.
“Saw you all alone, thought I’d come keep you company,” Joel broke the ice with ease.
How long had he been watching you? The thought made your cheeks feel warm.
“Wow, what a gentleman,” you teased lightly, causing Joel to chuckle.
“I try,” he joked back, shooting you a small wink.
When you had first met Joel you were nervous around him. It was much easier to talk to him now that the two of you had become friends rather than acquaintances. He was an easy guy to get along with and you found yourself genuinely enjoying his company rather than just gawking at him in his yard from your window (like you used to do in high school). Your crush hadn’t disappeared though, so you joked around with him as a way to keep things casual and avoid getting in your own head. 
“Sarah told me you were finally here, she was happy to see you,” Joel mentioned with a light smile.
That made you smile back. “She’s a sweet kid,” you told him. “I was happy to see her too.”
You fiddled with the water bottle in your hand as you spoke, trying to unscrew the cap. The stupid thing was stuck and after a few seconds you gave up.
Joel gave you an amused look, glancing between your face and hands. “You want help with that?”
“Yes, please,” you handed it to him. “There you go again, proving chivalry isn’t dead. Thank you.”
Joel unscrewed the cap with ease and handed it back. “Happy to be at your service.”
“So, you guys been here a while?” you asked, sparking up conversation.
“Not too long, only an hour or so. It’s been fun though,” Joel explained. “More for Sarah than for me,” he admitted, glancing around to find his daughter. He spotted her and she waved, then continued playing with her friends.
“Why’s that?” you wondered, looking up at him just as he looked down at you. 
“Just… I mean, everyone is nice and all,” he started. “But I just feel like I got nothin’ to talk about with them, y’know? Except you.”
“Really?” You tried to not sound too thrown off by that, but you didn’t know he felt like that. It was interesting to say the least. 
“Is that such a surprise?” he wondered, raising an eyebrow curiously.
You shrugged. “Maybe a little. I get it though, I haven’t really talked to anyone other than Bee yet.”
“I don’t know if you’re friends with them, but I saw a bunch of girls your age walking around,” Joel said as a suggestion. 
“Nah, I’d rather just talk to you,” you said casually, before you could even think about what you had said. The look on Joel’s face changed a little, like he was trying to bite back a bigger smile.
“Well, that’s nice to hear,” he said after a moment. Your eyes met his and the way he looked at you made your heart skip a beat. You had to look away to be able to breathe, almost certain you were reading into things. You really, really did not want to be disappointed.
“Hey, can I ask you something?” Joel said, making you realize you hadn’t spoken yet.
“Sure, yeah.”
“You know… young person lingo, don't you?”
You laughed at the awkward wording. If it had been any of the other adults here using the word “lingo” you would’ve cringed, but there was something cute about the way Joel said it. You tried to snap that thought out of your head.
“Mostly, yeah,” you replied with a little chuckle paired with a curious tone. “What’s up?”
“Do you know what a dilf is?” he asked bluntly. That alone told you he had no idea. 
You were so stunned, all you could think to say was, “why?”
“Well, those girls I mentioned… I overhead some of them calling me that,” he explained, his eyebrows furrowing a little. “It’s not bad, is it?” 
Was this karma coming back to you for starting the nickname? It wouldn’t have surprised you. 
“It’s not bad, no,” you assured while also avoiding the main question.
“What is it then?” Joel’s interest was piqued now and while you couldn’t blame him, you also couldn’t think of a way to make this not weird.
“It’s an acronym,” you started. Joel watched you intently, waiting for an explanation. “It means dad I’d like to…” you trailed off, hinting at him the word to fill in the blank.
Joel just looked even more confused. “To what?”
Somehow he made cluelessness incredibly attractive.
Screw it, you thought. This was already weird. Rip the bandaid off, right? “Fuck,” you finished before you could think better of it. 
“Oh,” he stated. You knew it took a second for realization to hit. “Oh. So that means they, um,”
“It’s basically like saying you’re hot,” you explained, filling in when he couldn’t. You hoped he wouldn’t find it insulting or anything like that.
Joel looked a little bashful but found amusement in the situation nonetheless. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should,” you suggested, then sipped your water. You looked out at the people milling about rather than meeting his gaze.
“Do you think I’m one?”
You nearly choked on your water. “What?”
“Sorry,” Joel apologized quickly, trying to laugh it off. “I shouldn't've asked that.”
“It’s alright,” you assured him. You paused for a minute, contemplating what you might say to that. You got a rush of bravery. “If you’re asking if I think you’re attractive… the answer is yes.”
Joel couldn’t hold back his smile. He tried, but it was a failed effort. It was like he was trying to contain his anticipation. “What about if I wanted to ask you out? What would your answer be then?”
“Yes.”
Joel grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that,” he admitted. 
“Dad!” Sarah’s voice caused the two of you to look away from one another. You saw her running up to you guys and hoped she hadn’t heard a word of your conversation. “Can you come play with me? Mr. Grant just set up a bean bag toss!” 
“Sure, kiddo,” he told her. She grabbed his hand and started to drag him away. 
You smiled a little to yourself at the interaction—he was such a good dad.
Joel slowed her down a little bit to look back at you. “I’ll call you later, okay?” 
“Sounds good,” you replied, chuckling lightly. 
The Millers disappeared into the roaming people. You tried to follow them with your gaze but your attention got torn away.
“Waiting in a line for the bathroom in my own house is messed up,” Bee said, popping out seemingly out of nowhere. “What’s got you so happy?” she wondered, eyeing the smile on your face that couldn’t be erased.
“You won’t believe what just happened,” you replied. A part of you still couldn’t believe it. “I’ve got a date with the neighborhood dilf.”
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