#how the heck did I find something that describes my feelings

[milaisreading]

🌱🩷: this was a request from @yukiimasked and it's basically where Karasu met manager!Yn's family. Post Blue Lock timeline, btw

Warnings: Reader uses she/her. Requests are open

⚽️Bleu lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura ⚽️

"Tabito, are you alright?" (Y/n) yawned as she walked into the shared apartment, only to find the pro-player frozen in the hallway.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I am great, don't worry." Karasu gulped nervously and slowly walked to the living room.

'Was practice bad today?' She wondered and put her stuff away to follow him.

"I can tell from a mile away that you aren't doing well. What happened, Tabito? Did something happen at practice?" (Y/n) asked softly as she sat with him on the couch, hugging his arm.

'What is he so tense about? He was more relaxed during the World Cup...' She thought while waiting for the boy to finally speak up again. Karasu kept quiet for a good 5 minutes, looking around the room and at (Y/n). She really didn't understand what the issue was. Karasu was doing alright the whole morning.

'Was...was he maybe breaking up with me?' She gulped in fear as Karasu got up and out of her hold.

"(Y/n)... I... don't think I can do it." Karasu said, looking at her in desperation. Thr girl felt her heart break in two, afraid that her thoughts really came true.

"Wh-what?! Are you... breaking up-"

"No! No, I would never do that! You know I love you more than football even." Karasu said quickly, realizing that his wording was very bad. So, out of guilt for the distress he caused, Karasu walked up to her and gently took her hands into his, gently giving them a squeeze.

"I am sorry for what I said, what I meant was your family... They are coming over to Paris next week, and I am just too nervous to meet them." Karasu gulped as (Y/n) blinked a few times, relief washing over her form that this was his main worry.

"Oh, that. You are that nervous?" (Y/n) questioned, earning a nod from Karasu. It was rare to see him so vulnerable and distressed.

"Yeah, I really want to be with you! Heck, I want to marry you in the near future, but... but what if your father doesn't like me? What if he demands for a break up."

'Wow... that was a lot at once. Wait! He said he wants to marry me?!' (Y/n) felt a small spark of happiness light up inside her, but she decided to let this slide for now. Comforting Karasu was more important. She gently smiled and got up to hug him, something he gladly returned.

"Listen, I know it's an intimidating moment, I met your parents and know what you feel. Just know that I will be by your side, ok?" She smiled up gently at him. Karasu took a few minutes, but eventually nodded his head, kissing her on the forehead.

"Ok. I think I can do that."

A week later...

'I absolutely can not do this!' Karasu gulped as he sat across (Y/n)'s father and brother at the table. Isabella, her sister-in-law, and (Y/n) tried to make the situation less tense by some all talk, but it wasn't working as well as they expected.

"Oh! It seems like the chicken just finished cooking! I will check on it." Isabella laughed nervously and quickly ran into the kitchen. (Y/n) found the whole situation amusing for a moment, but then felt Karasu grip her hand under the table. She looked over at the boy and sent him a gentle smile.

"So, Karasu, what are your plans with my sister?" The two turned to look at the brother, who had a murderous look on his face.

"I am interested as well. Especially since she moved to France for you." Her father suddenly spoke up, which surprised Karasu a little. The man was quiet the whole night.

"You two are being too much now." (Y/n) sighed in annoyance.

"Uh... it's fine." Karasu spoke up as (Y/n) and the other 2 males looked at Karasu.

"Tabito..." (Y/n) gulped nervously as the other looked straight at the 2.

"I really love (Y/n), and words can never describe how much I do. I also can't properly express how much I want to be with her and protect her." Karasu took a deep breath, trying to ignore the intense stares from the older men. (Y/n) was meanwhile shocked at his words, he never said these things so openly.

"I do plan on marrying (Y/n) eventually, after we are both stable in our careers. I hope you all can eventually accept me into the family, I will be patient with that. I really want us to get along, if not for me, then for (Y/n). She deserves it, and much more." By now, the couple was blushing in embarrassment. Karasu didn't plan on being so open with his thoughts in front of (Y/n)'s family, and neither was she. But... she couldn't deny the small amount of happiness she felt from his words.

'He cares that much, huh...' (Y/n) smiled warmly at him.

"Aha. Well, I can't say I am happy with this relationship." The father cleared his throat, catching their attention.

"Dad-"

"But, I will give you a chance. I can see you love and care for her." The elder finished, earning a sigh of relief from Karasu and a grateful smile from (Y/n).

"Same goes for me. You have my approval for now, Karasu. But, if you break my sister's heart I will break your leg. Don't test me." The brother spoke up, his glare more intense at the end.

"I won't ever hurt her, so no need to joke about the leg breaking." Karasu laughed nervously.

"I wasn't joking." The brother said more sternly this time, interrupting Karasu's laughing.

"He really wasn't, Tabito." (Y/n) confirmed, caressing his knuckles.

"Oh..."

[nothinggold13]

On Peter and Violence

I think there’s two popular fanon camps regarding Peter Pevensie’s relationship with violence, and though there are certainly plenty of others who, like me, would disagree with both of them, it is those two versions of Peter that I keep seeing pop up again and again.

The first is that of the powerful, raging, warrior king: the version of Peter that speaks more to his mythologized persona within the books than the Peter we actually witness and interact with inside the narrative. His temper is hot, and his sword is fast, and his legacy is soaked in blood. It’s this Peter that lends itself so readily to the (equally fanon) idea that Edmund is the more diplomatic of the two.

The second is that of the pacifist. This idea of Peter is opposed to violence, and only fights under great duress, or because he has been given no other choice; it’s the version of his character that people have snatched from a deleted scene in the “Prince Caspian” film in which he claims he is “thinking about a career in medicine,” and in doing so, distances himself from the war back home. (Although, I would also blame the PC film for the angry, impulsive version of Peter who dominates too much of the fandom; that movie’s interpretation of him is a tragedy.)

Now, of the two, I would prefer the second. It’s at least marginally truer to the boy who “didn’t feel very brave” but did his duty in “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,” and I appreciate that. However, I also have a personal vendetta against the extreme version of this viewpoint which prioritizes Peter’s peaceful nature over his dutiful courage, and this is why I’m writing out what I believe are the nuances of his character that sometimes get overlooked in favour of idolizing either his strength or his softness.

There is a statement in my mind to describe him that I avoid using, because I know it requires more context than I usually want to give, but here and now, we’ll call it my thesis: Peter prefers problems he can hit.

I don’t think Peter is a violent character. Genuinely, I don’t. And so I imagine those two statements seem pretty contradictory, because how can he not be violent, if violence is also the ideal solution to his problems?

Well, here’s the thing: Peter’s growing up in a war. Heck, he’s growing up in two.

He’s thirteen in the first book, and World War II is breaking out above him, and, more than that, there is nothing he can do about it. What could he do? He’s a kid.

And then, suddenly, he’s in a new world. They tell him he’s meant to be there. They give him a sword, and he takes it silently. They tell him he will be king.

We see him in his fight with the wolf: “Peter did not feel very brave; indeed, he felt he was going to be sick. But that made no difference to what he had to do.” We are told there that violence is not something he takes to lightly; it is a matter of duty for him: to the country that stands behind him, and his sister who is in harm’s way.

He fights a battle. Years pass, and he fights more. He returns to the war he is powerless to fight against, and then finds himself King again, where he comes up with a plan to fight a duel which -- if everything had gone to plan -- would have put no one but himself at risk.

Yes, Peter is steeped in violence. C. S. Lewis tells us at the end of “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,” that he is a “great warrior,” and when he is mentioned in “The Horse and His Boy,” it is said he’s off battling giants. He is High King, and as such, he has to be a soldier. He chooses to be a soldier. He consistently fights, especially so that others may not have to. He fights to protect. To shield. To provide freedom.

And then he goes back home, and is trapped under war again.

Depending on his birthday, Peter turns eighteen around the time of the end of World War II, meaning I have no reason to believe he ever fought within it; however, National Service continued after the war. And this is where I thought that Peter, ever being driven by duty, would sign up without question. It’s what would be expected of him. And, even more, it’s what he’s been doing for years for a country that isn’t his anymore; how could he not do the same for England?

(I put that in a fic. I had a scene where Peter, freshly eighteen, confessed to Susan he would still have to serve, and Susan said, “But not in the war, and I’m glad of that.” And then -- because it was what Peter did within canon time and time again -- I had him tell her, “But I hope you understand that I’d fight for you. For all of you. If my fighting had any chance of helping to keep you all safe, I would go.” ......And somebody told me that was out of character.)

I don’t mind if somebody really likes the idea of Peter becoming a doctor rather than a soldier. Truly, I understand the appeal. But I do have a problem when somebody tells me I’m wrong for believing Peter would continue to do what he had always canonically done after coming back to England.

Because Peter does have a relationship with violence. He doesn’t have a love for it, but he has been tangled in the necessity of it too many times not to follow through when it needs to be done.

And what happens when you raise a boy in war? What happens when you let him fight it? What happens when he learns the chain reaction: fight the battle, win the war, set them free? And then what happens when you put him into situations that can’t be solved with his hands? Give him enemies he can’t fight? Give him wars he can’t be a part of?

And that’s what I mean by “Peter prefers problems he can hit.”

Not that Peter rushes to violence when it isn’t called for, or that he craves war when he finds himself in peace, or anything else of that angry, vicious nature that some people have come to believe--- Gosh, I think Peter would far rather lay the sword down than ever have to pick it up again.

(But it’s what he does. Time after time.)

Peter is a big brother, ever looking after the others. Peter is the High King, ever doing what Narnia requires. Peter is the loyal servant, ever following Aslan’s instruction. Even if it scares him, it’s what he does.

So I don’t think he likes feeling helpless. I think he likes knowing what to do, and I think intangible problems drive him a little crazy, and I think a sword is a very physical thing that has served him well too many times.

Despite my very obvious complaints against “Prince Caspian’s” movie characterization here, I have to say that this is something I love about “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.” Peter’s older in the film than he is in the book. He’s closer to going to war himself. And what do we see him do? We see him distracted by passing soldiers-- not much older than himself. We see him reading on the train: “Biggles Goes To War.” We see him consumed by the war, even up to the point that he mimics WWII battle strategies against the Witch’s army.

This is the Peter I’m talking about: the one who feels sick at violence, and shakes and cries and hugs his sisters when its done, and yet...... does it. Every time.

I feel like there’s a dozen things I may be missing, but I think that’s the gist: Peter’s an unwilling soldier who doesn’t know how to put down his sword.

He’s a great warrior, but not an indiscriminate one. He’s a gentle spirit, but not a passive one. Violence made him, but he is so much more than his violent acts. He’s complex. He’s dutiful. He’s faithful. He’s capable. He fights because he has to, and as long as it’s asked of him, he will continue to do it.

So that’s where I stand. That’s why I may seem to show contradictory versions of Peter throughout my fics and edits and commentary; why I may say he’s not violent and then paint an image of him that ties him to violence anyway.

Whether you disagree is your prerogative. This is, by nature, a nuance-based take, and while I do think there’s wrong interpretations of Peter Pevensie out there, I also believe that there is a lot of room within that nuance for various interpretations to be equally right. This isn’t me making an end-all-and-be-all analysis that everyone else must follow to the letter.

This is just me explaining -- for myself or for anyone else who cares to listen -- what I believe, and how it affects the things I create. <3 So there’s my take on Peter’s complicated relationship with violence: the way it coats him, and yet, doesn’t define him: the way he’s so softhearted, and yet not himself without it.

“For never since we four were Kings and Queens in Narnia have we set our hands to any high matter, as battles, quests, feats of arms, acts of justice, and the like, and then given over; but always what we have taken in hand, the same we have achieved." ~Peter [The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: Chapter XVII: The Hunting of the White Stag]

Disclaimer: none of this is anti-Aslan “look how he traumatized this poor boy” propaganda, and if that is your viewpoint, kindly do not interact with this post. :)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

okay whatever!! I'm doing NaNoWriMo I guess!!!

I'm fully expecting to fall off the wagon at some point, probably this coming weekend because I'll be at a conference, but idk I like having structured writing motivations. and it's a YA thing with a VERY informal conversational voice so hopefully I can just chill and have fun.

first 1800ish words here. meet Cara, she's 18 and a werewolf and not doing so hot.

Where do I even start?

That’s not a rhetorical question, I have no idea. I’ve never really done this before, you know? I’ve never actually had to explain myself to anybody. Growing up, everyone always knew exactly who I was and what was going on.

Well, not everything. I mean, a lot of people actually had no idea what was going on with me for a really long time. That was actually part of the problem.

So suppose I start with the day that everything started falling apart? It makes as much sense as anything else.

That was the day we were supposed to be getting back to school from winter break. I remember really clearly that I slept in so late that Dad had to come and tell me it was time to get out of bed, which I he hadn’t had to do since I was a little kid and still adjusting to the routine. Every morning since I was thirteen, we get up early together to make breakfast and go patrol around the town. 

Sorry, do you know about… I mean, you obviously know what I am. That’s not what I’m talking about. But how much do you actually know about the werewolf thing? Most people don’t really know much unless they grow up in a town with a local wolf around. It’s a lot simpler than most people think it is but it’s also a lot more complicated, in other ways.

I don’t even know if I’m making sense. You remember what I said, about not being used to having to explain myself very much? 

Okay. Um. Just let me know if you have a question, I guess. Basically, what happened that morning is that Dad came and told me I had to crawl out of bed and I scrambled up and got dressed in the warmest, baggiest clothes I could find, and then we had some oatmeal together, and then we both went out back on the porch and turned into giant wolves so that we could run around the town borders and make sure nothing spooky was afoot. Got that?

Cool.

Like I said, we’d been doing that a long time. Every morning since seventh grade started, when I finally started getting a handle on my wolf stuff. And I was a real pro about it, even though I love being in bed, so I guess Dad probably thought it was weird that he had to tell me to get up. It wasn’t like I had been sleeping in over Christmas vacation; we never get a break just because of holidays. I mean, monsters don’t care that it’s Chrisitmas. Heck, the year before that we had to deal with a bunch of snowmen that came to life and started attacking people up at the ski lodge.

Did you hear about that? We did kind of blow up the lodge, but it was an accident. And it worked, so… You know.

Sorry. Am I avoiding the subject? I don’t know, I don’t think so. We haven’t even gotten to the hard stuff yet.

Me and Dad. He made oatmeal with strawberries and cream for breakfast, it was great. And then we went out to circle around Silver Falls and make sure everything was normal, which it wasn’t, but we didn’t know it yet that morning. Normally we can smell it coming miles away, right? I sort of mean that literally, because the sense of smell when you’re a wolf is like… I can’t describe it. I’ve never known how, when I’m human. It’s like having an extra eye open up seeing stuff you can only kind of squint at normally, and everything that’s usually fuzzy or invisible is suddenly so obvious. And then you change back and it’s just gone, like trying to hang onto a dream after you wake up. And our hearing is great too, which also helps. It’s hard to surprise us.

But there’s also just, like, a sense. Like a feeling, like when the town is in trouble we can feel it as clearly as if there’s something creeping up right behind us and breathing down our necks. My friend Ruby says that normal people learn not to pay attention to it when they have a feeling that something’s following them or they can’t stop glancing over their shoulders, because in normal people that’s just anxiety or paranoia. You take pills for it and go to therapy because it’s bad for you to feel like something is out to get you all the time, so you make it stop. But Dad always taught me and my brothers to listen to those instincts, because when werewolves feel like they’re in danger they’re usually right.

That morning everything was normal, though. All of the tracks in the snow were normal animals, ones that we knew. And no strange scents in the air. It was just a nice run with my dad, a good way to start the day off.

Most days actually are quiet, you know. For every day we’re tearing around town trying to catch a monster before it can kill someone, there are dozens of mornings that we just get to go for a run and stretch our legs. We can’t talk when we’re wolves but it’s still nice, hanging out. Sometimes Dad will stop to point out something cool he doesn’t want me to miss, like some baby animals or a pretty sunrise or flowers growing when it’s warm. I always get what he means. And I appreciate that he does it. We go fast when we’re wolves, like, faster than anything else can run. So it’s easy to miss things. And he always says it’s important to actually pay attention to the land and everything living on it, so that we remember why we do this and what we’re protecting. Because if you lose sight of why you do it, then you get… I don’t know. Weird?

I definitely ended up getting weird.

But we made it back to the house with no incidents, which was great. We were definitely thinking it was about time for something to happen soon, though. We never go more than a few months at a time without something cropping up in Silver Falls. The last big thing had been some gremlins at the trade school, gathering up scraps to build a mech suit. That one was… it was fun, honestly. I had never fought anything like that. And Hector thought it was really cool, because he likes robots and stuff like that. It was actually kind of downhill after that? I mean, not really, but we had kind of been getting worse since then. Like the gremlins were the last time we had something in common.

Hector was sort of my boyfriend, by the way. Or my fiancé, sort of. I don’t know, I hate that word. We weren’t even technically engaged, I guess. He had never actually proposed, but everyone knew what would happen after we graduated.

Do we have to talk about this part right now? I’m going to get to it, I swear, but there was other stuff. I swear I’m not avoiding it.

I was avoiding Hector, though. Not on purpose, it had just kind of happened over break. I don’t know, we’d been hanging out less and less, and then over break it was just so easy not to see him at all. He’d gone back to Florida with his mom for Christmas, to visit their family there, and I didn’t want to bother him. Or think about him at all, really. He’s a nice guy, really, but it was…

No, hang on. I’m doing this so out of order. We’ll get back to Hector, I swear.

Okay. Okay. So I got back home from this patrol where nothing happened, and we were running a little behind because I’d taken so long getting up, so Mom and the boys were practically already out the door. Um, I’ve got three brothers. Colin, Caleb, and Cooper. My parents liked the double C name so much for me that they just kept on rolling with it. 

The boys are all normal. Only the firstborn in each generation gets the wolf gene, and it only bounces if something happens. Like, my dad actually wasn’t supposed to be a wolf, but his brother died when he was a teenager fighting some tree monsters with my grandma. It only shifted to Dad after that, on the next full moon after his brother was gone. So Colin would only be a wolf if I died too young to have a successor, which is… I don’t know. I won’t let it happen. Colin doesn’t need to worry about that. 

It’s weird, actually. Colin was fourteen when all of this happened, and Caleb was twelve, which was how old I was when I started wolfing. And when I was twelve I felt so mature and ready to start taking all of those responsibilities on with my dad. I was so impatient for it, and I hated that it felt like I took so long. Like, I was kind of a late bloomer. But I think back to Caleb being that age, and even Colin being fourteen, and I don’t know. They’re babies. They’ve always seemed like babies to me. But I would look at my brothers and their friends and how young they were, and how totally clueless, and it just seemed crazy to me that I was already running off to life or death fights at all hours when I was their age. 

Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyways.

So Mom was already dressed for work at school, and had the boys wrangling all of their books and lunches together and stuff, and she told me if I wanted a ride with her then I needed to move fast, so I told her not to worry about it. And she said:

“If you see Ruby before I do, give her a hug and tell her congratulations for me.”

And I didn’t know what she meant, which was weird, because Ruby was always doing something that deserved a hug and congratulations, but I also always knew what it was because Ruby was my best friend and I thought I knew about everything going on with her. But I was confused and Mom could tell, so she went:

“She got another three acceptance letters over break.”

And I said, oh, right, yeah, like I had known all about that, so Mom dropped it and gave me and Dad little kisses goodbye and left. Which was kind of silly in my case, I guess, since she worked at my school and my school wasn’t huge, so we would definitely see each other again before too long. But it was sweet, though. I don’t want to sound like I was complaining about my mom loving me or anything.

[definesanity]

Bite Me (Taken Literally)

'What the fuck?'

Uzi had no filter, and never had. She forgot to install that update. But thank Robo-God she did.

Because she was dumbfounded.

She was the weird kid, the one who nobody liked; heck, she's pretty sure half her class doesn't even know she exists, let alone knows her name.

Which was why she was befuddled at a letter in her locker, asking her to visit a certain location.

Uzi had common sense, despite what many say. And so she used it. And deicided to always have her flight reflexes ready, no matter what happens.

Arriving, there was... nothing. Of note. It was just a regular cabin, much smaller than the ones in camp she's been wanting to visit.

She then heard... something. A noise would describe it, given she couldn't pinpoint it. And it came from a bed. Because of course there's a bed. Why wouldn't there be a bed?

Uzi slowly walked up the bed, thinking on what she'll find; maybe a dead Drone? A human? Heck, anything will do...

Pulling it back... to nothing. Just a bed.

"Huh. Maybe I am a bit paranoid..." she muttered to herself, and turned around to face the most horrific thing she's ever seen.

"JUMPSCARE." the thing wearing the skin ('Holy shit it's a human girl fused with a Disassembley Drone?!') announced, as it tackled Uzi on to the bed, arms pinned via weird tendrils.

The girl gazed down at her, her tongue hanging out of her mouth as two golden Xs shown amid the dark void of where eyes should be. "SMUG LAUGH. SLOW REACTION TIME THERE, BUDDY."

"Screw you!" Uzi attempted to kick the girl, but her legs were pinned down. The girl crawled on to her.

And without warning, bit her neck like a vampire.

Code flew past her eyes at a speed she couldn't understand, and then, it was gone. Leaving only Uzi and the girl.

"Who the hell are you?!" the self-proclaimed angsty teen demanded, with the Disassembley Drone/Human thing looking back. Being honest, she felt braver than she should be.

"MM. I AM THE SOLVER O-O-OF THE ABSOLUTE FABRIC. THE VESSEL IS TESSA. SHE WAS A GOOD FRIEND, UNTIL. WHIMSICAL SIGH. SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO SEE IT, BUT, WELL. HERE WE ARE."

"You killed a child?!" Uzi shook her head, looking at Tessa. "Okay, sure, yeah, but still, really?! ...Wait, you're the thing that was--hold on, what the heck did you inject me with?!"

Tessa only giggled, as the tendrils went from Uzi's arms and legs and allowed Uzi to move.

"YOU WILL SEE, SOON. EVIL, LAUGHTER."

And then, she was gone.

"What the fuck?"

---------------------

"Sheesh, who looked at you wrong today?" V commented later on, as Uzi sat on the ship's chair looking sullen.

"Bite me." Uzi shot back, doing her hardest to sketch the thing. She also did eleven different scans of her software and hardware, and even her circuitry, but couldn't find anything amiss.

"Rude." V leaned back in her chair, looking around. "Where's N?"

"You tell me." she had started to draw the thing's ribbon, next, being done with the head.

"Hunting, then. I feel sorry for the guy, doesn't know what he's missing."

"Missing what, having to listen to you?" Uzi had started to draw the Xs.

"Chatting with you."

The Worker Drone stopped. She blinked, looking at V. "Say what."

"Exactly! For a Worker Drone, anyways, you're actually interesting. Not every day that happens. Or ever."

Uzi replied by not replying, going back to drawing.

"What are you even doing?"

"Got attacked, drawing the attacker, if the court was still here that would be wonderful."

"Really? Court?"

"Hey, before you lot came we had a civilization; never saw it myself, but some of my Dad's friends talked about how one of them tried to win a divorce case. It was really boring, the way he told it, but I was a kid who had nothing better to so than look through the Internet, so I listened for the full three hours.

"What what did I get? A headache, someone's life story, and wishing we could have court again so I could disown my dad." Uzi finished her story with a loud sigh, opening her eyes.

V was looking at her with muted surprise. "...Got any other stories?"

"Wha--You're interested?"

"Hey, anything is better than sitting on my ass doing nothing. Speaking of, did you know that--?"

"--There is a setting that makes our bodies more human? Yes, I do, and I shudder to imagine what was going through their minds while making us."

She finally finished putting the last details on the sketch. "Okay, finally done. If you see this girl, tell I don't exist."

She presented the drawing to V, who blinked at it, and an emotion flew past her face. Then, it was gone, and V nodded. "Eh, fine. Anyways, stories, please."

"Ugh, fine. What do you want."

"Ever killed someone?"

"No, but I have committed several acts of violence against my classmates."

"Kinda hot." V said it with such a straight face Uzi had to pause. Then, what she said hit her.

"...I'm gonna... get some fresh air." Uzi started to get up and move towards the hatch, but a hand grabbed her arm.

"What, sick of lil' ol' me?"

Uzi just rolled her eyes (as best as she could, anyways) and left.

None saw the code flashing by V's visor, or how V's eyes softened looking at Uzi.

-------------------------------------

Lunch time arrived, and Uzi sat by herself. Not solely because she was a loner (that was one half of the reason), but because she preferred it.

Unfortunately, a hand touched her shoulder, and Uzi felt her solitude ending.

"Heya, um..." of all the people, Uzi had Lizzy had the bottom of her list. "...Uzi, right?"

"...Yes...?" tread carefully, who knows what she wants...

"Oh, I was right then, good; hey, listen, could I borrow you for a sec? Cool, thanks!"

"Woah--hey, what the hell?!" Uzi was then dragged away, her not giving an answer but Lizzy answered for her.

Through the corridors the two walked and walked (or, in Uzi's case, dragged and dragged), when the two ended up in Lizzy's dorm (she thinks it is. She could have been dragged into an empty one). Her arm was let go of.

"So. Uzi. Gotta be honest, I like your style."

"...Sty...? What, my clothes?"

"Yes, your clothes!" Lizzy rolled her eyes, walking ahead of Uzi. "Love the goth look, by the way. Gives you an approachable look, and makes people wonder if you're actually a softie underneath that cold exterior."

"...Where is this going." Uzi was not annoyed, just short of patience. "Is this about prom? It's about prom, isn't it?"

"Duh! I could go the classic, popular girl look but, let's be honest, it gets stale. Soooooooo me and Doll were trying to find new ideas and, well, here you are!"

"...Okaaaaay... where is Doll, anyways?"

["Hey."]

Uzi near enough punched Doll in the face, only for the Russian Drone to catch it.

That time, Uzi did see the code flying past her visor, and was able to catch some of it:

'OVERRIDE_ACTIVE'

'CONTACT=TRUE: BYPASS DEFENSES'

"...Byyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee."

Uzi wisely sprinted away, taking her as fast as her little legs can carry her, which was into her room.

--------

She breathed a sigh of relief, and fell on to the lower end of her bed.

Then jumped further up, as the thing licked her face.

"You again?!"

"SAD LOOK. DID YOU, NOT MISS ME, UZI?" Tessa attempted to look sad, but failed due to the lack of motor functions. In better light, Uzi can see just how grafted the girl was on to the Worker Drone, and she held back on vomiting for the time being.

"Well, I can get answers! Just... first things first, what the hell is your relationship with my mom?!"

"AH, NORI. SHE WAS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE HOSTS. SHE IS DEAD NOW, UNFORTUNATELY. BUT, REALLY, WHAT CAN YOU DO?" The AbsoluteSolver shrugged, looking less than sorry.

"...You motherfucker...!" Uzi felt angry, and rightfully so, but she held back due to the thing having the advantage, given its ability to make holograms.

"OOPSIE-DAISY."

This could not get worse.

"Heya, Uzi!"

IT CAN GET WORSE IT CAN GET WORSE IT CAN GET SO MUCH WORSE--

"Sorry about that, I was just fixing up a door! Heh, you know what they sa--" Khan cut himself off, looking at the scene in front of him: Uzi on her bed, with a fleshy-looking thing on top of her. "...U-Uzi--?"

"IT'S A PUPPY!" Uzi screamed out.

"...W-What?"

"...Y-Yeah! Turns out um, humans kinda... made up what they looked like, yeah! Sure they're... kinda weird looking, but they're adorable, in their own... creepy. Fleshy. Way. Er. Yeah!"

"...I see!" Khan believed her. Somehow. "Well, take care of them, Uzi!"

She waited until the door was closed, and let out a huge sigh of relief.

She glared at the Solver. "You're going to tell me everything I want to know. Got it?"

"AFFIRMATIVE SMILE."

"ALSO, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT, ME BEING CUTE?"

"Screw off. Now, answer me. What the fuck did you inject me with?!"

"DO YOU LIKE IT? I MADE IT MYSELF."

"Can't answer that if you don't tell me what it even does!"

"AN ANTITHESIS TO YOUR SOLITUDE. AN ANSWER TO YOUR LONELINESS."

"I'm not lonely, excuse you! I have N!"

"EYE ROLL. SURE. IT OVERRIDES DRONES TO FEEL CARING TO YOU. I." Tessa looked sheepish, as weird as it sounds. "WENT EXCESSIVE BY ACCIDENT. CONSIDER IT AN APOLOGY FOR KILLING NORI."

"Pretty shit apology, not gonna lie." came the dry reply. Uzi got off the bed and stood up, looking at the corpse. "But why me?"

"..." silence only came from the thing.

"...I'm gonna leave. Come on, I'll take you for a walk or whatever it is they do."

"GET ZIP BOMBED."

As soon as Tessa said that, Uzi had a zip file open on how to care for a puppy.

...Ugh, she's in for it now, isn't she...?

[trulytiredhermit]

Oh wait HAHAH.

I can't stop imagining that what if the reader is multilingual.

And then i thought about the reader cursing somebody out in like three different languages or more, switching to a different one in each sentence or paragraph.

I mean, they must have pissed the reader off really badly to take this treatment because like --

Reader : *Inhales, *exhales

Reader : Alam mo ba na hindi ka yata minahal ng magulang mo bwiset ka, WALANG GINAGAWA ANG TAO TAPOS IKAW--

It's even better since the reader probably told one of the Links about the languages so he knows, not all of them, what they are saying, especially the curses because he literally had to beg the reader to tell him about it.

Okay, I’m dying to know. But what did Reader say right there?!? I can only assume it’s gonna be funny as all heck. 😂

And we all know Reader is going to take FULL ADVANTAGE of knowing a language that the Chain and others don’t know.

The thing about one of the Link’s knowing what Reader is saying when they curse out a rude person. Brilliant, beautiful, I like it Picasso.

But which of the Links would it be???

I’m pretty sure I read about one of them having the ability to understand any language in their world and I reeeeaaally feel like it was Hyrule.

So maybe he’d understand what Reader says?

But for now let’s assume Hyrule doesn’t have that and Reader does have to teach a determined Link a new language.

Honestly, I feel like Warriors might actually be the one to understand Reader’s language more than the others.

The fact that he had to go through the War of Worlds and also most likely had somewhat of an education would make him more receptive to learning a new language. I just feel like he’d retain it more?

Time would also most likely have an easier time of retaining Reader’s lessons since he had to… remember a lot of things with Majora’s Mask (the man literally had to memorize people’s schedules to live okay).

However, with little brother Wind, who is just a ball of adorable trouble, he would DEFINITELY be begging Reader to teach him swear words in their language.

Reader obliges, not really since they just tell him how to say “I love you”, “You’re my friend”, “The sky is blue” just common things like that.

Time finds out and thinks it’s absolutely hilarious that Wind is just yelling random phrases at monsters that he thinks are swears but he’s really just aggressively saying hello.

But also, as I have heard with people being able to speak two languages, Reader forgetting how to say something to the Links and so they start describing it and then they just switch to their second language mid description. Suddenly the Link who understands Reader’s second language and was still able to listen to them just goes “Oh you mean this _____?”

And reader just blurts out “THAT’S THE BITCH!”

Like stuff like that, would just be funny.

But should the Reader ever get mad at the Chain and just start going at them in their second language? The Links learn a whole new level of fear.

Just the fact that they don’t knew what Reader is saying yet the also know that whatever it is isn’t nice and is most likely Reader cursing.

Then just only being able to go off Reader’s expression and gestures. The fear of the unknown man.

Meanwhile the Link who understands everything is either laughing their ass off to the side or also afraid, because no one wants to see Reader mad.

[blueikeproductions]

I’m gonna be honest, I’m falling a little out of love for EarthSpark because of the last batch of episodes. Part of it is the same reason I didn’t like Cyberverse: the absolutely crap pacing and decision making.

Now EarthSpark did start off well enough, I think the first two episodes remain my favorites because it sets the tone and world up pretty nicely. After that it starts getting … messy. Nitpicks abound! As much as I do enjoy the Terrans, Thrash remains the forgettable one to me. He’s just kinda there and has nothing really to do. He gets overshadowed by his siblings being more memorably quirky (Hashtag and Twitch) or having their own arcs (Nightshade and Jawbreaker). Thrash being the somewhat immature, lackadaisical, older brother IS fine, I just wish he had something to help stand out more.

Megatron’s redemptive antihero role is pry the best it’s been written. Not even Roberts, who ushered it in, really handled it that well since it was somewhat forced and skewed into Twitter/Tumblr stereotypes. Imma be blunt: Cyberverse didn’t even try when they did it. The staff patted themselves on the back for a repenting Megs, but didn’t even bother explaining it in-show, instead giving a lengthy explanation on TWITTER. Stuff like “Oh Bisk got arrested because he beat up another Transformer he lost to at a space video game event” is harmless fluff, describing a major component of what your story is trying to do meanwhile is just mind bogglingly horrendous. Not helped is despite this, Megatron is still torturing Autobots, smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick, which runs counter to him having changed upon seeing his worse Robo-Robotnik counterpart. But CV Megatron was still his more traditional villainous self intentional or not, and I do think ES trying to keep Megatron as a heroic character is hurting the overall series. Transformers has a huge villain problem currently, and it’s only gotten worse with modern media trying to make all the Decepticons sympathetic. EarthSpark, the longer it went on, really seems confused as to what role the Decepticons are supposed to have. Are they still trying to cause trouble, are they just trying to survive, were guys like Breakdown simply on the wrong team in the first place? It’s all very muddled, and I NEVER liked the idea that the Decepticons are just slightly more irritable Autobots because you loose the franchise’s defining good vs evil dynamic that’s helped keep the thing going this long. Even stuff like Superlink, RiD15, and the G1 cartoon make it clear the Decepticons are stubborn and refuse to give up to prove a point. They WILL conquer the galaxy, dammit. And stuff like EarthSpark is just… taking the fight out of them. Which gets to my next nitpick…

So the Decepticons, understandably, are locked up by GHOST for their crimes, and the humans are trying to study them/torture them to make weapons. Naturally, the already angry robots would be pushed to the brink, want to escape the fleshies’ grasp, and lay down the pain similar to Dreamwave and Bay, and while we do see a bit of this, at the end the Decepticons just decide they’re suddenly friends with the Maltos? Something here feels very rushed, along with Shockwave also suddenly wanting to be pals after initially finding the Terrans disgusting. The pacing here is just odd, and a deleted scene shows Shockwave petting Fluffy Ears after he was just about to turn her into hamburger meat a moment before. It’s funny out of context, but it still doesn’t make sense. It skews uncomfortably into Diamond territory for me, where I get the logic, but how they got there doesn’t work (at least for me). You CAN have redemption stuff, heck Decepticon like robots like DragoBurst from Daigunder came around, but they, for the most part, properly built up to this. The Decepticons being “good” feels like a split second decision that had no real pay off. Because again, in the past, if the Decepticons helped the Autobots, it was an enemy of my enemy/Earth is where we keep our stuff thing, and they’d go right back to trying to destroying it once the third party was dealt with.

And I feel like EarthSpark may have had some internal problems with the story. How much of this was Nick not being cooperative ala Rise of the TMNT or just genuinely bad planning I’m not sure. The biggest issue for me was Ravage, and, to an extent, Starscream too. Early on they had Screamer, Wave and Ravage concocting a scheme by letting the dog-cougar cassette out into GHOST to snoop around, Starscream laughing evilly with his glowing red eyes. Inexplicably, Starscream’s eyes are blue, even in flashbacks, which has confused a lot of people, and the show doesn’t address this. A characters’ eyes turning red to accentuate a point isn’t a new thing in animation, but I don’t think that’s what this was…? I was assuming it was Allspark Affinity, but I don’t think it’s that either. More than likely him having blue eyes is meant to show he’s a good boy deep in his shell, similar to IDW’s “true inner Starscream” thing. …However, and this comes back to Ravage, Starscream was originally planning to sic Shockwave on Megatron for what amounts to the usual petty revenge on Starscream’s part. Ravage was sent out to get the remote that controlled Shockwave’s stasis pod, but this scene was cut entirely, instead explaining Shockwave’s escape as simply poor upkeep on his pod. The scene was cut for time, but … WHY? There was surely a better means to incorporate Ravage snooping around instead of just turning it into a dropped sub plot. The show attempts to course correct by suggesting via Swindle this was an attempt at a prison break until Hashtag and Mandroid initiated it instead, but Ravage is unaccounted for. I’m assuming this was a plot point that was debated on, as the official guide book INSTEAD says that Soundwave had Ravage snoop around for info on the Allspark due to an agreement they had with Prime and Megs when they got arrested. It feels like they just couldn’t decide on what to do, and chose neither, and while they could have Ravage later reappear and go “Hey guys I found the Allspark’s location and a whole bunch of ancient Cybertron relics on GHOST’s computers!” in S2, that’s fine, but I don’t trust the writers atm to do so…

There’s also turning Starscream into a trauma victim. Again sort of that Steven Universe/fandom mentality made canon thing that bothers me, BUT I completely get what they were going for. The problem for me is that even in the 80’s, Starscream’s constant beatdowns were played for laughs, and frankly a lot of the time Starscream had it coming in the first place. Starscream may have had more common sense than Megatron, but he was also driven by his pride, ego and his comedic sense of self preservation. Starscream also would bite off more than he could chew by messing with relics like the Enigma of Combination, Omega Lock and the Underbase, usually destroying himself in his quest for godhood to simply one up Megatron and show how much better he is at being evil and/or just being a petty glitch. So to play the dynamic straight and make Starscream more of a domestic abuse victim feels… wrong, especially when I’ve seen plenty of Megscreamer ship art of the G1 and Prime versions that suggests… a bit of hypocrisy in the name of a ship. I think Micron Legend Starscream handled the idea the best, though there Screamer was more a young warrior looking for approval, but Megatron thought he was weak and selfish, and the two would fight, but it was more of a anime warrior’s honor kind of way and not the more slapstick marriage falling apart way G1 and other shows did it. I do like Starscream becoming friends with Hashtag, reminds me a bit of ML Starscream becoming friends with Alexis, and I think that’s handled well enough. At the very least Micron Legend shows what EarthSpark wants to do with Starscream CAN work, it just needs a bit more fine tuning to make sense, and I feel internal decisions saw the clearly G1 and Prime inspired Starscream hugely rushed into a role he’s not ready for or arguably suited for. It’s a similar problem I had with Donald Duck in DuckTales 17: he’s barely in the show, clearly has a chip on his shoulder over Scrooge’s role in Della’s disappearance, and off screen he just sorta changed his mind and is suddenly wanting to help Scrooge. I get that part of his decision was influenced by how it was affecting the boys, but I never liked how we never saw Donald change, he just … does.

Mandroid’s descent into villainy is also rushed. Starts off well enough and him Roboticizing himself into a monster by the end makes sense, but it feels like some steps were skipped to get there, which was the same problem I had with IDW Megatron going on this big quest off screen we never saw. Also, a plot point is the Terrans don’t actually use Energon, and instead power up with Emberstone blessed Earth water… but there’s a few instances that contradict this, such as Mandroid’s Doomsday Project that shouldn’t affect the Terrans at all, but it… does anyway. Like… what? Also Mandroid and Alex knowing each other doesn’t appear to be addressed either. Especially notable when Mandroid went out of his way to AVOID killing him, only to not have this qualm anymore. It feels like a step was skipped, I get Mandroid is too far gone but even that was a huge leap in context.

Not a big deal, but do the Sharkticons Transform? Their design seems to skew to Terrorcon Rippersnapper, RiD15 Hammerstrike, and the Street Sharks style Sharkticons of Cyberverse, but I never liked how the later didn’t Transform into a robot or a speedboat or something. I get Mode Attachment, but even guys like RiD15 Grimlock and IDW Leviathan walked around in Robot Mode once in awhile.

Similarly, Jawbreaker scanned an actual fossil to get his Beast Mode, but doing so was new to Grimlock… who has a dinosaur Beast Mode which has left fans puzzled. Fans theorize Grimlock may have scanned a toy of a picture, similar to Nightshade, or that Wheeljack helped reformat the Dynobots into Dinobots as a G1 nod. However a stylized flashback shows Grimlock in Beast Mode on Cybertron, which makes me think in RiD15 terms that Grimlock may have already BEEN a dinosaur, just a “space” one. Though that runs contrary to the discussion how alt modes can help define a Transformer, and Grimlock is shown to be reluctant in the current era to Transform, as he can’t quite control his Beast Mode due to anger and PTSD caused by Mandroid. I never liked FOC’s Hulk like take on Grimlock though, and seeing that be an influence here kinda sours Big Grim for me, especially since my favorite incarnations, G1 toon and RiD15, LOVE being dinosaurs. Grimlock is still handled well otherwise though.

A lot of modern shows like this I’ve noticed have this out of balance tone where they can’t decide what they should be. It’s either super weird and cutesy or hard core darkness and angst. The one time I’ve seen this handled well was Bomberman Jetterz of all things, and that’s a kids anime about a little bomb throwing goofball that was never brought over here. It organically builds up to its darker elements, while the show starts off fairly goofy and weird it still lightly explores some things early on like Mighty’s sense of self and successfully builds on it.

Also Nightshade. Oh poor Nightshade. They continue to be the punching bag and poster child for some why this show is bad because it has The Gay TM. I do think kids can handle the concept of being gay, and I think kids can understand to some degree why a person would choose not to identify as either gender. But I also understand why parents don’t want to have such a conversation and there’s a time and place for this sort of thing, especially in kids media. (Blue’s Clues’ Pride parade animation was well intentioned but a little too… much for preschoolers. Same sex couples, sure, the nitty gritty stuff beyond that, not as much… And I say that knowing an older lesbian couple in college who thought what Adventure Time was doing with PB and Marcy was inappropriate for kids). Nightshade has more stuff going on besides their gender, but those stirring up trouble and even the owl’s supporters tend to ONLY focus on their being non-binary, which isn’t helping. The show only focused on it twice, and I think the first time was enough to set the tone. Optimus wasn’t sure if Nightshade was a boy or girl, NS and Moe clarified they/them, and Optimus warmly accepted, and that’s really all you needed for a children’s. Easy to understand for the target audience. The show then has Nightshade learn the definition of being non-binary by a human teen they help out and become friends with. The scene is fine, but I think it’s a tad over-explained keeping in mind the target audience. It also feels like an artifact of the original intention that was scrapped. In the planning stage, Nightshade simply identified as Terran because gender wasn’t important to their identity as a robotic being. Keeping it simple for the kids at home, as well as for those who might feel like Nightshade where they can go “I’m a Terran!” The official guide book also goes with this explanation. With Nightshade then learning about being NB from Sam makes a little more sense with this older concept in mind, but I think a simpler “Thanks for the save, uh…. I wanna say mister…?” “Oh I’m a they/them! Nightshade the Terran, at your service~!” “No way, I’m they/them too! I’m Sam!” “Ooo, delightful! Oh do you like the Winged Sentinel too?” “Do I? I run a big fan blog about it and Changaliens!” “-Nightshade Transforms and makes happy owl noises-“ sorta thing. At the very least, that’s been my experience being reintroduced to a friend that’s now trans or NB. “Oh you’re a dude now? Sweet! So what’d you think of the latest Digimon episode?” is a typical exchange. Unfortunately no matter of simplifying it is going to keep people from disliking the character as being a form of “indoctrination”, and I worry that’s affected the availability of the toy. I’ve seen people show they have Nightshade’s toy, but locally I’ve not seen Nightshade’s toy at all, and I wonder if controversy has led to stores refusing to carry it. That being said I’ve not seen the Arcee or Hashtag finger puppet toys, the Deluxe Grimlock or the Twitch One Step Changer, but I have seen Shockwave and Jawbreaker, and they went quickly, and as of typing weren’t restocked. So could be crap distribution again, but I can’t help but worry the toy is functionally “banned”. I may not be NB, but I do jive with Nightshade being a reclusive, yet happy go lucky nerd. I enjoy their swagger too, something I wish I had, so there’s plenty to like on top of them having a owl beast mode. I was a Beast Wars kid so Beast Modes rule, man.

Anyhow, going back to another point, this is why I like RiD15 so much. It knew what it wanted to be, a mostly low stakes action comedy, and even when it leaned a bit into darkness, it still felt tonally correct with the show. Here we have a wacky episode about an Energon parasite possessed bear, and then they jump into heavy handed discussions of racism, violence and post apocalyptic disaster the next. That’s not organic, that’s just being indecisive on the tone of your show. It’s this awkward trend of trying to make your kids cartoon into a mature, sophisticated thing, but no one has the patience or finesse to pull it off anymore and it drives me nuts. And I don’t think kids care for it either. The age range for EarthSpark I spoke to are watching the Super Mario movie, classic cartoons and older Disney movies (a lot of them, especially boys, were into Princess & The Frog and Moana in particular as it happens) when it comes to western animation. Last time I saw kids interested in Transformers was Prime, Rescue Bots, RiD15 and Bumblebee. Outside of RotB, I don’t think recent stuff has been doing it for kids, as I haven’t found any kids hugging an EarthSpark Bumblebee like their life depended on it like I did with RiD15 Bee.

I want to be clear I still like EarthSpark, and I like a lot of the characters like Alex, Mo, Jawbreaker, Bumblebee, Frenzy and Nightshade, but the cracks have been starting to show and grow larger. 26 episodes and the end goal still felt very rushed as if they thought this would be like a long running anime and didn’t utilize their time the best, and with the current strikes as of typing, I fear that’s not gonna bode well for season 2’s production either. I am very skeptical atm we get a S3, so I hope they were more careful in crafting the next phase of the story. A second season was greenlit when the first season was still being worked on, so it seems odd to me they still felt the need to rush through things as if they didn’t have time. Maybe they didn’t due to other factors? Still I hope for the best, but I’m not as exited as I once was, and a possible Prime style Relic Hunt potentially being next makes me concerned…

[edge-oftheworld]

thinking about the way when i interact with fellow aussies on here I see so much disappointment about how they didn't come here on their last tour. how sydney 5sos fans are a different brand of human i'm not really sure how to describe (we all freaked out when we went to the same concert lauren was at for example). thinking about how the australian leg of take my hand tour felt like it was almost its own thing, sandwiched between the gap after the bulk of the tour before it and that short gap before they announced the most recent tour after it--almost as if it was meant to bridge both of those tours. how they played in newcastle and on the gold coast and it wasn't quite cairns or coffs but it was a bit more than your state capitals headline tour. how, with the exception of the big four, we often don't realise how small our cities are on a global scale. there are only 27 million of us on this desert island.

thinking about how they wrote easy for you to say and had to perform it on tour six months before its actual release, it was so important to this setlist, to the vibe, and how it's about nostalgia and missing sydney and they finished the tour in sydney and it makes me wonder, i can kind of guess when the song means the same thing to me, how much it hurts to be able to perform here and yet not be able to stay for longer than a holiday. and yet they do do that for us, put on shows about as regularly as any other artist does. even if they didn't play splendour in the grass. or falls festival. even if it's been four years since fire fight australia, it was only months ago sierra was promoting beyond blue as a charity to donate to. friends of friends did some fundraiser for a youth centre in blacktown: maybe I have to look to see it, but I can see the impact they've left.

and then I see how happy they all seem to look when they've gotten a chance to hang out in australia. ashton covering songs in the heat. calum obviously having a blast. luke dropping sydney pics that were assumedly from before it got really hot, looking carefree, a familiar skyline and familiar urban graffiti. the way when michael arrived in perth for the first time after lockdown he simply had to tell us all right away. and i've always kind of seen them coming back here for good? heck, joel madden even assumed right on his podcast some of them might have already. the way ashton doesn't have a dog in the states, and how i've always seen him with an aussie. the way luke integrates seamlessly into the life and culture of the inner west area; and calum carries blue mountains vibes with him wherever he goes, as michael does with the sydney pop punk scene. we know brandy and sierra at least love australia--i was actually fangirling about sierra in their comments with the veronicas just the other day (bless them for deciding my comment was something that needed to replying to). while crystal does have a massive group of usamerican friends and family I can see her enjoying the vegan places in melbourne and brisbane (they're coming to sydney too. the inner west and parts of the north side are almost there) and maybe being a little more hopeful about politics. I can also see it being a really healthy place to raise lua.

maybe it's the hopefulness of an urban designer who sees the impact of art and culture and having people around who create for a living on our cities, but maybe I see myself in 20 years bringing my kids to see them play and being able to tell the story of a series of songs (red desert, efyts, whatever is next in the theme in the works for 5sos6 as well as the solo stuff like a lot of wfttwtaf and boy) and how they figured out what we all have to, how to find and create a place that's home to you--because it's actually a pretty likely event. and i love seeing the evolution from the 'let's get out' / 'worked every weekend just to get out of town' vibe of self titled and sgfg to now. I really do want them all to feel like they can relax now after so many years of working and depriving themselves of the love that comes from belonging (I do feel like we've heard more about it from luke and ash specifically) and I also get the subtle vibes of where that might happen. and how much it might hurt when they don't get to have that. what did they do for aussies? gave us hope that we could make it, in whatever we want to do and whatever success means for us. maybe it's just me though. for now. maybe i've got the expectations of someone who grew up unable to afford things like concerts mixed with the anticipation for this june. I hope i'm not projecting, but also, the empathy I feel when I see myself in someone is usually spot on.

so idk. one day i'm gonna design some really classy public housing made to unfuck the status quo and i'm gonna raise money to build it and sierra will write a song and say she's doing a donation to this charity in australia doing things about homelessness and the class divide and it's gonna help me fund it. that's just one option of something i can see going down that's not completely unrealistic if very very optimistic but it's how i live my life. but i'll go to a 5sos concert eventually. i'll play their songs i've arranged with an orchestra one day too and we'll do it impressively, noticeably. i don't really know what else i'm supposed to expect? I know my experience is worlds away from many people's. but these guys inspire me to create and I don't really need anything else to do that.

[artistic-intrxvert]

The rottmnt turtles ( hopefully not too much) with this preteen (like 12?) reader who’s just sneaking around and watching them “defeat crime” and writing it down, basically describing them as “cool” and just wanting to be friends with them. With drawings of them and the turtles. Also they try really REALLY hard to not get caught because they seriously do not want them to see their “notes”. Also 2012 tmnt honestly brings me to tears sometimes so I’m gonna give rottmnt a chance-

Hello there! YOU ARE MY FIRST ROTTMNT ASK AAA IM SO EXCITED :D i have a serious hyper fixation on this show and i need help hahah- I had a lot of fun doing this and I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: None! (Some swearing but i do that a lot so it's not really all that different lol)

Prompt: (PLATONIC!!)Rise!Donnie, Leo, Raph, and Mikey with a child!reader who admires them

-

Donnie

I feel like Donnie would be the first to notice, and at first he wouldn’t really care all that much

In fact I think he’d respect that, if one needs notes about something then one needs notes

Pretty cocky about it too, why wouldn’t one want to know about the glorious and most intelligent turtle Othello Von Ryan?

But at the same time he also is quite suspicious of you and makes sure to keep an eye out in case you try and tell anyone of the turtle brothers existence

Honestly takes too long debating whether or not to tell his brothers

One day they all spot you taking your notes, Donnie knew a little bit about it since he has his high grade tech (he has his goggles after all, he probably knows your writing down something)

Let’s say they tried to confront you, wondering why and how the heck you managed to get on the top of one of the buildings and if you were in any danger

Yeah let’s just say you got scared and fled the scene leaving your notes behind

Donnie was the one that took it, claiming he can read any hand writing and wanted to make sure it didn’t have any personal information that could be used against them

I’m reality, he was quite curious to see what you were writing down

Turns out, you were doodling the turtles and yourself all in a picture with the classic ✨sun in the corner✨ and at the top said “friends” but he could see that it was erased and rewritten a few different times, as if you were hesitating to write it

He flipped through the pages and were impressed with how much notes you got that were accurate considering the fact you've been watching from a distance

While one would find it creepy, he can’t really hold it against you, children have people they admire and look up to and it just so happens that he and his brothers are the ones you look up to

Definitely tried to return the notebook, successfully spotting you in your usual spot, searching for your beloved notes

He talks to you, asking about you and how he’s intrigued by your notes (he's very impressed but would never admit that out loud)

He asks if you would like to meet his brothers and maybe ask about some stuff to help your notes so that he can make sure you "have the right information"

He's still his cocky self, but I think he'd understand where your coming from

We don't don't about his obsession with atomic lass-

Leo

SO. FUCKING. COCKY.

When he saw you taking notes from a distance every time that he and his brothers went out to do patrolling, he'd notice you being around the first few times or so, assuming you lived around that area

But then he noticed that you always seemed to be wherever they were

At one point, it hit his skull that you were following them

Only difference is that if he somehow found out before Donnie (highly unlikely btw) he'd point it out almost immediately

He would just kinda be like, "is it just me, or does this kid seem to following us?"

The others would notice too and agree to try and see if you were following them

Upon being confronted you tried to explain something but we're too nervous and ran off, leaving your notebook behind

Donnie was about to snatch it when he did, claiming he was going to read it first before Donnie hogged it to himself

He flipped through the pages and saw the drawing you did

Honestly thought it was creepy at first but then realized that you just wanted to be friends and looked up to them

Leo is the greatest ninja the world has ever seen, so it would make sense why you would want to be friends with him and his sidekicks brothers IM SORRY I HAD TO QUOTE THE MOVIE AND I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE BUT I COULDN'T HELP IT-

I feel like at some point he'd confront you it would be the day after he found the notebook you left behind and he would give it back and ask you about what kind of hobbies you do and what inspired you to watch him and his brothers

I think that he would eventually start talking to you often and eventually invite you to the lair sometimes. You would basically be a really close to of his

I think overall he'd be very smug and cocky about it but would deep down be honored that you would choose them to be the ones you look up to

Raph

Raph would probably be one of the ones that doesn't notice this until someone else points it out. I also think he could also be the one to see it first. It just depends

Raph would be so honored that you looked up to them, he'd notice you following them and would go out of his way to offer you a smile before they'd go back to the lair

One day you leave your notebook alone after an encounter and he notices you dropped it

He wouldn't go through it surprisingly

One of his brothers would get to it first and would go through it, meaning he'd had to try and get them to stop invading privacy

Once he gets a glance, however, he feels so touched at the drawing you did and the detailed notes you've written down

He may not be the best at understanding complicated notes, but he knew how much thought and accuracy went into writing them down

Raph would try his best to return the notebook to you the next time they went out to fight bad guys

When he does return it, he places his hand on your head and ruffles your hair (if you don't have very long hair [shaved or buzzed] or if you have no hair at all, he'd give you a head pat)

He'd encourage you to ask them anything if you had questions, but would lightly scold you about being out and about at night by yourself

As long as you were safe about it, you may have just found yourself a new friend AND a kind of parental figure

Mikey

LOVES. YOU. SO. MUCH. (Platonically, of course)

He wouldn't notice at all, it was definitely pointed out by one of his brothers

He'd be a little worries about you being alone in New York by yourself given how you look to be around 12 or so

He'd confront you after a few different times they'd notice you, advising you to not be out so late

You didn't listen like the little shit you are

Eventually, they all had noticed and tried to confront you about it since they were rather curious

The pressure of talking to the turtles you looked up to had to a little nervous and you took off before they could talk to you

You did, however leave your notebook behind

Mikey looked through the different notes and flipped until he saw the drawing

He thought it was the cutest thing ever! He loved drawing and art related things himself, so he was really excited to see that you liked to draw as well!

When he finally saw you again, he handed you the notebook and offered to lend you some art materials or to sometime draw with him

It would take time to get him to invite you to the lair, but it would eventually become a very frequent thing

Very flattered but also very excited about the drawing

Sorry that this was finished so late :( life has been annoying as hell and making me not have motivation or the time to write as much as i used to. Nonetheless, I am very slowly getting back into the swing of things. Hope you have an amazing rest of your day/night and remember to drink your water <3

-artistic-intrxvert

[authortobenamedlater]

E5 deep dive! This will be fun because Mr and I have VERY different opinions on certain parts of this episode.

The good:

This might be Pablo Schreiber’s best performance yet, and that’s saying something.

Everyone delivers in this one. Soren and Laera have some great moments, separately and together. Riz’s final lines with John (and that hug!), Halsey’s and John’s speeches at Vannak’s funeral, Kwan’s vision and her shamelessly calling John on his BS. This episode does a great job of showing the fallout from Reach on a small scale. Not what it did to humanity as a whole, but what it did to these individual humans.

The exit from Reach and Riz’s last run for Vannak are epic.

Vannak gets a great send-off, and can we talk about how well-preserved he was after being dead for a week?

Makee continues to be one of the most intriguing characters for many reasons, not the least of which is she’s inexplicably (literally inexplicably; they haven’t explained it) alive. She cries as she watches Reach fall, then says she cares nothing for “the Demon” (who she ordered ‘Gatanai not to kill a few hours ago). She and Cortana appear to be hatching some kind of plan.

Speaking of Cortana…EVERYTHING I thought about that opening scene in the first episode got flipped on its head. Did Cortana sell her soul (operating system?) to Parangosky in exchange for John or something?

Also speaking of Cortana, John is so not OK without her it hurts to watch. “If I’d had my armor, if I’d had her with me” 😭 “There’s a space where there used to be a voice and a feeling someone knew me” 😭😭 Just get these two back together already.

Kai’s little strut when she meets the S-IIIs 😍

The bad:

Reach didn’t quite go out with the bang it deserved, unless there’s a heck of a surprise in store. I’m not sure what would have been the bang it deserved, but this wasn’t it.

Admiral Keyes is not around. Yes, I knew he wasn’t going to be, but I love him darn it.

Vannak was all dead, not only mostly dead as I had hoped and will continue to imagine.

Still no Miranda, not that I expected her. Does she know her dad is dead?

Observations/predictions/wishful thinking:

Riz’s exit. One part where that @mrtobenamedlater and I do not agree. I saw this coming from the start of the season. Riz was already hurting and increasingly disillusioned with Spartan life. Now she’s even more beaten up. She was never really going to be a Spartan again. She can barely even walk when she tells John she’s done. Her departure made a good contrast to John’s response. His way to honor Vannak’s sacrifice is to hunt down his killers; Riz’s way is to live the life his sacrifice spared.

I don’t think this is the last of Riz, however. We’ll run into her again.

Makee seems to be filling the Sesa ‘Refumee role from Halo 2, with her line about the Prophets being liars. She is on no one’s side because no one is on her side.

Given that Makee describes ‘Gatanai to Cortana as the fleet master and calls him “the Arbiter,” I guess he’s the Silver Timeline’s Thel ‘Vadam? And his line to Makee about how she lives only by his grace? Did he personally revive her or something?

Also I’m going to assume Makee never touched the artifact in E2, probably just as well since that would have taken John out, and that she and ‘Gatanai took it off Reach. Why didn’t she touch it though?

Did Kessler get kidnapped for a new Spartan program? I’m all about Uncle Master Chief going to rescue his surrogate nephew by the way.

Where did Perez and that transport go? I was sort of expecting to find them on Aleria.

This episode will get derided as “filler” but it sets up a lot for the rest of the season: The Arbiter, the ring, Kwan’s and Madrigal’s place in all this, the Spartan-IIIs.

[c-ptsdrecovery]

I’ve recently figured out something from my childhood.

Although my mom did compliment me on a job well done, she also always seemed to find something to criticize or “correct”. This led me to feel like nothing I did was ever quite good enough. (Interestingly, one of the only areas she didn’t seem to do this in was my artwork, and art/crafts are one of the few things I don’t have a complex about as an adult!)

I couldn’t figure out why my mom always did this, but I’ve worked it out. My mom has a narcissistic personality disorder. She wanted to be a good mom, but her instincts were not great as a parent. So she would compliment my work--but then she would make a correction. When you correct somebody, you get a little boost to your self-esteem: you are teaching them something. You know something. You are better than them at this. So my mom just did that all the time. Heck, I doubt she even realized she was doing it! But it had an enormous effect on my mental health and self-esteem. It wasn’t that my work wasn’t good enough, it was that she wanted to find something to criticize to get narcissistic supply, and if there was nothing to criticize, she would make something up. Because it wasn’t about my performance; it was about her self-esteem.

The other thing I’ve started to understand is her moving goalposts. I never knew if I was doing tasks the way she wanted me to, because she would always find something to fault me about what I did, even if I did it exactly the way she had told me to do it the last time. This was, of course, incredibly anxiety-inducing. As a child I used to ponder how it was that my mom was so PERFECT? Because everything she did, she did RIGHT, while I so often got everything wrong. I’ve realized that she didn’t just move the goalposts for me, she moved them for HER. If she wanted to keep working on something--well, the obviously right thing to do was to keep working on it! If she wanted to take a rest--well, taking a rest is good for you! You should always take a rest! (Either that or she would laughingly describe herself as being lazy, which was also not helpful to her children.) But when *I* wanted to take a rest, that was a time when I should’ve still been working on it! The goalposts were always subtly moving to put me in the wrong, and also subtly moving to put her in the right. That way she could always feel a little superior and always get a little self-esteem boost. 

I *am* actually capable of making good decisions for myself as an adult. I can figure out when I need to stop, take a break, when I’ve done something well enough, when I need to try again. I don’t have to look to external validation to tell me when I’ve measured up: I have a good yardstick inside my own heart and head, and as an adult, it’s my privilege to use my own measurements instead of measuring myself against an always-moving external goal.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Contains SPOILER from: Lofi Beats to Capture Children to - Chapter 17 (if you did not read it yet)

The second hand embarrassment 😭😭😭 SUNNNYYYYY

---

"I AM NOT MOON"

UUUUU~~Passiv agressiv Sun, here we are~

---

BOB YOU LUCK B*😂😂😂

And you do not even know yet how lucky that abscence was... I could smooch you for it, but I will leave it to Tedler

---

Maaan. This 2 dumbass/pos really like when Vanessa manhandles them~ 😏

---

“To be or not to be! That is the question!” Sun blurted out in panic. "

NO SUNNY😂😂😂😭😭😭Nooooo *facepalm*

...

Benji?????😂😂😂😂😂😂

---

Vanessa...TEASED?!

LETS GOOOO!! I AM HERE FOR IT >:D

*chanting progress* progress. progress. progress!

---

PRINCESS😏...TRAPPED😏 ....in a TOWER😏😏

And a KNIGHT😏... who RESCUE her?😏😏😏

I see what you did there~

---

"YOU BETTER BE WATCHING VANESSA???"

"THIS IS FOR YOU?!?!?"

AAAFFGGDDDHHH <333🙈🙈🙈🤯 I am flabbergasted, and I am not even Vanessa...

---

Wait... how could Moon swear?🤔

---

"…..acting protocols….idiot…."

This line made me snort laugh😂😂❤️

---

"Wait…. You watch footage of me?

Oh shit !"

Oh shit indeed Sunny!!😂😂😂😂😂I love them, oh Lord, give mercy😂😂😂😂♡

---

O MY GOD! 😳😳😳😳

This next part is just pure ART!!!!!!!!!!!

DANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THIS IS SO BEAUTIFULLY DESCRIBED <3

---

"'NO! You have the GAL to tell me You're the victim in all this?! ...'"

Uuuuuu Sunny...that... that was a low blow...

But understandable :,) 😭😭😭😭😭💔

I just wanna jank this 2 away from eachother by their collar and lecture them about not hurting eachother till they finally calm down...

---

Moon bluffing his way out, to show himself strong, and hide his insecurities from Sun is just 💔

---

Oh... they blacked out

Oh... they collapsed

...

"The back of their faceplate on WHAT????????

---

so wait...

Those black tendrils were smoke? *gasp*

I had to make a meme from this:

---

DANA !!! THIS... THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL. NEVER AGAIN DOUBT YOURSELF. You outdone yourself with this chapter. Worth all the waiting♡ Every time♡

AWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ;A;

Thank you for such a long and nice comment!

That meme reaction was so perfect I had to scream and show it in the group chat.

Which is honestly the Appropriate reaction.

"BOB YOU LUCK B*😂😂😂

And you do not even know yet how lucky that abscence was... I could smooch you for it, but I will leave it to Tedler"

Bob is so lucky. We'll find the reasons for his absence soon enough. Also, for Vanny's plan specifically.... Bob is a blessing in disguise to them as well. Something that will become abundantly clear the next chapter.

"Vanessa...TEASED?!

LETS GOOOO!! I AM HERE FOR IT >:D

*chanting progress* progress. progress. progress!

---

PRINCESS😏...TRAPPED😏 ....in a TOWER😏😏

And a KNIGHT😏... who RESCUE her?😏😏😏

I see what you did there~

---

"YOU BETTER BE WATCHING VANESSA???"

"THIS IS FOR YOU?!?!?"

AAAFFGGDDDHHH <333🙈🙈🙈🤯 I am flabbergasted, and I am not even Vanessa..."

HEHEHEHEH

I'm glad that you picked up on that. I'm wondering if it's almost too subtle the way their development is happening.

Because I've also gotten comments from people saying they have no idea how the Daycare Attendant can ever come to 'like' (or love) Vanessa. At least, according to Moon, and what Moon is implying in Twins.

Makes me feel I'm doing the slowburn wrong....

But I think that's just cause people can't see the development into the far future like I can.

as far as the audience concerned, They kinda hate eachother? Maybe?

but... A lot of human characters Sun and Moon interact with are SUPER prickly and become friends and allies later. (Bob, Vanessa...Ted.... Heck even Moon and Sun are prickly toward themselves) The Protag in Twins really being the one who is nice to them first.

"so wait...

Those black tendrils were smoke? *gasp* "

Nope. They're not smoke.

The mother that Moon killed during the staff meeting, had long black hair. ;)

[imagine--if]

One headcannon I have for Eddie is he's initially apprehensive of the reader doing things for him. In his mind the reader is his angel/ precious princess who he doesn't deserve so when he comes home from work and the reader has made him a beautiful dinner at first he's like "*gasp* angel this is absolutely beautiful but you are not my maid sweetheart!" He loves the dinner but is quick to jump up and do the dishes because he believes he's the one who should be waiting on the reader hand and foot not the other way around.

A/N: This is so accurate and adorable wth 🥰 so yea, did a blurb too hehe, enjoyyyy (I'm gonna hopefully get round to answering a lot more matchups and earlier requests this weekend since I finally get a break from exams 😅 got the next To My Hope chapter in my drafts!!)

Pairing: Dano!Riddler x reader (The Batman 2022)

Warnings: FlUfF 💚

• Of course, Edward sees you as an ethereal beauty, so why the heck would he expect you to go around doing chores and stuff around the apartment?? That's not stuff you should be worrying about 😌

• Also, he's not really used to the concept of people wanting to do things for him to see him happy, cus before you came into his life... yeah, no one was ever like that with Eddie 🙁

• If you even attempt to go make food or something that requires just a little too much effort in his mind, you won't get very far, he'll look at you like you're joking and sit you right back down

• But this time, Eddie's working late to generate a little more income for your projects and all, so you take the opportunity to go make something for you and him, cus why not?? And since you've never really gotten a chance to in the past, you're curious to see his reaction

• His reaction was like 😵😍

• Edward honestly felt like crying because seeing the food set up on the table and you acting like it's not a big deal and you wanted to do it for his happiness... HoW cAn YoU gEt AnYmOrE pErFeCt?!

• Exactly like it's described, "Oh, angel, this is all absolutely beautiful... but you aren't my maid, princess!"

• He enjoys every little bit of it, but when you've finished eating, like hell he's gonna let you try cleaning up

• Genuinely shocked lmao

• "Wh- what are you doing? No, no! - you stay right there, I'll do it, okay?"

• Hope you're ready for a crap ton of things being done for you at every possible moment of the day after that, because if Edward can find a way to do something for you and get to see that smile and a kiss thank you, it's so worth it

• When he's the one making you food, he's very particular about presentation (I mean, how spot-on was that question mark in his drink 👀) and since it's being made for you, it's 'made with love' lol

• Ed's love languages definitely include acts of service, and words if you count lovestruck rambling 😂

• But I feel like his main love language is touch, so he'll be hugging and kissing you as much as possible to show you his thanks and how much he adores you 💚

• He'll obsess over how you did all that for him and agdsifbsfh I'mma have to write a blurb-

●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●

Edward latches onto you with wide eyes, his arms encasing you as his breaths grow uneven with the overwhelming love building up and suffocating his thoughts...

As usual.

You smile and shake your head as he thanks you for the hundredth time tonight, squeezing back into the hug. "You're welcome, Eddie. You don't need to keep thanking me-"

"Of course I do," he breathes shakily, pressing a deep kiss onto your lips and resting against you in a daze after he pulls away. "No one's ever done that for me before... it was beautiful- you're beautiful, my sweet angel, thank you sooo much..."

You can't hold back laughter at that, smirking at him fondly and stroking his cheek with your thumb, making Edward melt easily into the contact.

"You're sooo welcome."

He giggles, cuddling up to you with a dreamy, dopey grin. "I love you. I'll always keep you safe from... from the horrors out there... I promise."

Taglist:

@for3v3rda1sy @glitterycheesecakegladiator @greenxtea0 @moonwritesblog @lilyevans1 @httpsunflowers @hxney-lemcn @confusedchildsstuff @phantomofthecathedral @sugahbabieexo @bokksieu @skateb0red @wilburrrsworld @philiasoul @darthcringe @felicityofbakerstreet @bloodypantomime @deadlights-darling @tianotfound @mortem-muse @ireadandream @tinyryder @kpopgirlbtssvt @truecobblepot @jessicainhell

[enderon]

OH MY GOD OKAY SO I WORK WITH A KID WHO HAS ASD AND IS O B S E S S E D WITH TROLLS

All day every day all he wants to do is tell me about trolls and draw brozone and I got really into trolls by osmosis ESPECIALLY since I went to see trolls three just for him so anyway PLEASE tell me about trolls because I have never wanted to hug branch harder than I did in trolls three. He built the hideout

I feel like you maybe got cut off a bit, but that's okay, cause I think I know what you were gonna say, and yeah, breaks my heart too.

Gonna put this under a read more, cause it's gonna be a lot.

First things first, one of my absolute favorite things about this series is how the world looks. And I don't just mean in terms of it being a fantasy world, I mean how things literally look like felt and stuff. Someone described it as looking like an 'arts & craft' project and I agree. Heck, I am in love with the orbeez water from this last movie. What a fun touch.

On a similar note, love the character designs. Very wild and versatile, willing to do fun and funky things and break the mold. Especially with the trolls! While World Tour gave us different races of trolls, with different looks and anesthetics, Bqnd Together showed us that even trolls of the same race can look really versatile, and I love that. My favorite species design, though, has to be the vacationers. I love the holiday muppets.

Also, in terms of versatile designs. I have to mention how refreshing it is that I was able to predict that Bruce was gonna be fat as an adult, after all of the emphasis placed on his abs originally, but that his gaining weight is never brought up, not even as an insult. None of his brothers ever give him crud about it, and Poppy even still sees him as the heartthrob, even with his chunky dad bod. That's some positivity right there.

Poppy and Branch!! I can not say enough about how much I love their relationship!! They are genuinely really cute and also really healthy. I was so happy that they didn't pull the same crud so many other studios do and shoe horn in some random and unnecessary relationship drama in this film, especially after Branch's subplot in the last movie was about their relationship. They're solid in this film. The only time they have conflict is about Branch not being super open (and even then it's not a huge issue and Poppy is clearly understanding that he's not fully ready yet and is even willing to make a joke about it when he is) and Poppy's lack of understanding of the complexities of sibling relationships. Other than those two minor conflicts, they are solid. She can tell right away at the beginning that something is wrong and bothering him, he is able to manage and bring her back when she starts getting too excited and worked up, and over all they just work to better each other. Heck, even uber positive, everyone needs to be friends with everyone, Poppy stands by his side when he chooses to abandon John, Bruce, and Clay, not trying to convince him to go back and forgive and give them a second chance. She's gonna stand by him. We love a solid relationship. And I personally love that they didn't get married or even actually propose in this one, despite the teases. It's really good for kids to see representation of a healthy relationship where they don't jump into marriage and instead take their time.

Poppy's relationship with both Viva and Bridgette. The fact that even after discovering she has a literal sister in Viva, she stills considers and calls Bridgette a sister. We love girl friendship. Especially when Bridgette finds out Viva is Poppy's sister, deciding that automatically makes them besties too. We love it.

I love that, other than the very mild road block of trying to keep them at Putt Putt, Viva isn't a villain. She's deeply traumatized, but not evil. She and Poppy really do genuinely get along and love each other, and I love that so much.

And while I mention a good Sibling relationship, I must also mention the more complicated by expressing my appreciation that, despite them being shown being closwer, Branch doesn't automatically jump to help when he finds out Floyd is in trouble. While he admits to Poppy, after some pushing, that of all the brothers, Floyd would be the one he would help, this is still hesitant, and I think appropriate. Floyd still left him and never came back. The only one who ever mentions coming back is John Dory (having come back too late, after the trolls had escaped the tree). So it makes sense that, despite them being closer, Branch would still hold that resentment towards Floyd and be hesitant to help even him.

Also, I have to mention something: the way that John and Branch are weird parallels. They're the most similar, in being isolated survivalist. John is the oldest who's treatment drove everyone away. Branch is the youngest who thought his performance drove everyone away. It's so sad and poetic, I love it.

Last thing I will note for now is how much I love the trolls series for its female villains. Barb wasn't really a villain in the end and had a redeemable reason for doing what she did, but Chef and Velvet both were unapologetically selfish and awful for completely their own gain. I love that for them.

[pentuppen]

Pay No Attention To The Mad Brit Behind The Curtain. (This is just an angsty get it off my chest post in the void of nobody knowing who the heck I am and never being able to make my irl friends understand)

So all this week, I've been feeling a bit...off, unsettled. I've been having trouble sitting down and writing my fics with no earthly idea why. Then it kinda hit me.

This time last year I got diagnosed with breast cancer. Last year was a doozy, I'm a socially inept hermit who had to drag their ass to hospital 4 times a week, an assault survivor who had to grin and bear being poked prodded and exposed to strangers. Chemo was about as much fun as you might expect, and radiotherapy was yet more exposure, discomfort and all around ball achingly boring.

The only thing that gave me any relief was copious amounts of weed and Baldur's Gate 3 finally having a full release. I played that motherfucker like it owed me money, fell in love a couple of times, laughed till I nearly peed and even sniffled a little. It was cathartic as hell and once I was finished I knew I wasn't done!!

I was still feeling pretty sick from chemo and I's just had the remains of my waist length hair shaved off, I was in one of the worst physical and mental places I had been. Then I started composing scenarios in my brain, starring everybodies favourite Vampire. This brain-porn, started to grow substance and meaning to me so much so that I did something I hadn't done in around 7 years. I started to write fic again.

I cannot describe to you, the complete catharsis of finishing that first chapter, and coming back in the morning to find out that people had not only read the words that came out of my mad mad head, but liked it enough to leave comments that made me grin till I felt the top of my head was going to fall off.

It was just meant to be a one shot. But through encouragement and enthusiasm, it turned into a 50 chapter saga that I still can't believe I completed.

That game, and the lovely community that showed love for my work and support for myself were invaluable in getting me through perhaps one of the shittiest diseases in existence. I went from just 'hanging in there' 24/7 and barely feeling human, to being able to get out of bed in the morning and take care of myself, because I had everyone's enthusiasm and love for the story in my head and I had to write!

That meant a lot. More than even my weird words can say.

So, to end this self indulgent ramble that is basically me lancing the still somewhat stingy wound of remembering where I was this time last year...

Thank you Baldurs gate, for inspiring a spark in one sick motherfucker who needed a distraction and got a story that will live on amongst others in my heart.

And thank you to every single person who let me know my writing was worth something to them enough to comment or leave kudos or even make fanart. You guys only have a small idea of how powerful all those small gestures were in getting me through the battlefield and i'll never forget.

Fuck you Cancer. I Won.

And I love you all x

[pup-in-transit]

News from a friend has inspired a wave of introspection about my journey toward a vaginoplasty. The joy of what's to come has increased tenfold, but so has the doubt that this is really what i need. These feelings are normal I am told - heck, folks told me they'd be deeply concerned if I didn't have these sorts of worries. It just means i still have things to unpack.

For years i thought that, because i don't want a binary transition, this sort of gender affirming treatment would always be out of reach. I'd contemplate fibbing about being a trans woman, starting estrogen for only as long as necessary before qualifying for surgery, then take myself off it. I spent hours looking up side effects of medications and otherwise researching how i'd be able to pull off such a ruse.

But I don't actually want surgery. That was just an ADHD hyperfixation.

In my early 20s I came out as gay and started making inroads with the queer community. In doing so I became familiar with the concept of being transgender, and almost right away I was jealous of trans men. Their journeys were long and hard, I knew that, and I knew I was only seeing the end result of what could have been a lot of physical and emotional pain. But it meant that folks were living in a body I had thought was unobtainable for me- being a man with a vagina. I spent more nights depressed, occasionally crying, lamenting that i hadn't born female. Upset that i couldn't transition and have a body that truly made me happy, no matter how painful a journey it may be.

But i don't actually want surgery. It's normal to be curious about what having a vagina is like.

I couldn't walk without having to adjust my genitals every few steps. Even while wearing "men's" clothes that were the right size it felt like there was an unbearable, uncomfortable weight attached to me. That's not a flex, i'm honestly not that well endowed. Nothing i did really made me comfortable. Even when laying down on the couch or my bed i'd find myself being spread eagle since i couldn't stand how my genitals felt on my thighs. When i tucked for the first time and didn't feel my bulge I felt a relief so grand i'm not sure how to describe it.

But I don't actually want surgery. It's normal for guys to dislike their clothes bunching up.

The majority of my sexual fantasies involved me being fucked in a body which magically had no penis. Or if it did have a penis it was completely ignored. I'd be transformed and have a pussy, ripe for the taking by a gentle dom who i'd willingly lay down with time and time again. I love how the fantasy of having a vagina made me feel.

But I don't actually want surgery. That's just a fetish i have.

I stumbled randomly on a news article about a man who had his penis and testicles removed, and how it freeing and joyous it was to not have them. He called himself a "nullo" which was a word I'd never heard of. Some googling later and i found a Twitter account of a person who had been post-op for a few years. I scrolled down and read his tweet about going for his first run after surgery and how nice it felt not to feel his genitals bouncing. Finding him was eye-opening in a really positive way, and it showed me that genital modification was something folks could do. But it wasn't revolutionary for me. Being a nullo fascinated me but a smooth front wasn't what i wanted, and what i did want still appeared impossible. That was until I found an account of a non-binary man who had a vaginoplasty, spoke about how happy he was in his body, and had started a community specifically so that folks like him didn't have to feel alone. I wept with joy.

But I don't actually want surgery. I don't actually need a vagina.

How many more times will this thought run through my head before I stop believing it? Dunno. Probably not until the anesthesia wears off. I want to have faith that I am making the right choice. I have an appointment with a new therapist in a couple weeks specifically so that I can be sure of the choice i'm making. I will be ok. So will you, if any of what i've written reminds you of your own journey.

[dragoncookies]

ENTP misconceptions

For awhile I honestly thought I was an ENTJ (at first even INTJ but I was goin through a ruff time when I discovered MBTI we'll just put it at that). I can get REALLY ambitious, and then ruthless/strategic with how I go about things in order to see it through. I even bullet journal, and make planners for months in advance just so I can keep track of all my ambitions. Some people would consider me Type A because of how eccentric I can be and how detailed I can get with how I spend my time.

What they don't know is that my poor use of Si causes me to do things like work on projects for four hours straight and watch the hours tick by until its 1 am and, oh no! I have somewhere to be the next morning. This happens multiple times.

I also am a professional at winging it. People would be shocked at how many of the things I do are last minute choices, or put together the night before/the moment of. I mean, I cannot count the number of times I've said (tw death) "guess I'll die" every day.

Cannot forget the fact that during quarantine I would RUTHLESSLY argue about my favorite book characters to strangers online. I wrote pages and absolute essays that would probably get high marks if I fixed them up a little. I was a menace out there.

It was only after actually researching about the cognitive functions did I realize that there was absolutely no way I could have Te. Like, at all. I learned that my constant fantasizing and well of ideas for everything in the world around me was, in fact, a high Ne user trait.

I don't get fomo from missing out at a social event, I get fomo from missing an opportunity to put my creative resources to work to entertain people.

I like to think that I stray more towards the "Jack Skellington' entp type. One might think he's an entj because of how he has this goal in mind and then goes through every little detail to see it through, but what about him getting tired of all the routines in the beginning of the movie and wanting something new (Ne)? And when he finds Christmas town, what does he do? He analyzes the heck out of it, trying to figure out how it works (clear Ti use). So, even though the stereotypes might lead one to believe Jack is an entj, in actuality, he types as an entp.

Heres some IRL examples of how I might not seem ENTP.

For preface, I am an identical twin. I type as an ENTP, meanwhile my twin types as an INFJ (it is a very interesting relationship). Our highschool offered speech and debate. Guess who started taking it first? Not me, the entp. I didn't really know much about it and thought it was just a nerd thing. Then my twin took it and had a ball (I was lowkey was super jealous). Even though my twin is the "humanitarian" feeling type, they made for a terrifying opponent and had no mercy. My twin is also often thought of as way crueler than I am most of the time, where I am described more like a sunflower and they more as a thorny rose. My twin can get so passionate they turn argumentative, and if something doesn't fit the little storyland they build their world around, they argue a lot. So, my parents always said that they should be a lawyer. My twin can get so inside their heard (high Ni) that they act narcissistic and uncaring.

It irks me how one can pay so little attention to the world around them, but you'd think I'd be the cruel narcissistic one, who people say should be a lawyer. Because I am an entp.

Personally? I like writing poetry and going to cafes. I like reading and if I see that either side of argument can be argued for within reason, I won't feel like arguing. So I don't argue as much. The whole reason I didnt take speech and debate at first was just because I thought I wouldn't enjoy arguing for things where both sides could be right (I now know I overlooked the beauty in the argument itself). The Ne/Ti/Fe/Si function stack applies to me completely, just not in the stereotypical way. Its pretty helpful. When I analyze things too much (Ti), I can recognize I am probably a little stressed. I also know that there are places in my life I should have SOME routine/structure just to be a more functional person.

So, when people say "MBTI isn't real/is pointless because people get different results all the time and how can 16 personality types fit everyone its so limiting"

Its not, really. You just have to let the idea cook inside your head and explore yourself and how you think for a little.