#howdid you know

[muzzlemouths]

hi hello is there a post with commission info? OvO - @clxckwork-sun-n-moon

who told you

[angeltism]

i know this probably doesnt matter but ive been conflicted on my feelings towards you as of recent, but after some thinking, im pretty sure that i like you. i think you're a good person and i wouldn't like it if you died so please dont

considering I'm currently whining about nobody loving me or whatever . um . thisactually kinda helps but also I feel a little stupid dhaidbsjahahahaha . um . thank you for this anon . whoever you are . I will try not to die . I'm still very embarrassed currently though uh

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

It All Comes To Light

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: uhhh general angst- Hydra trauma & forced terminated pregnancy

Genre: angst & fluff

Summary: When Steve learns another detail of your traumas from Hydra you end up telling Bucky one of your most well-kept secrets

***

Your eyes snap up at the slap of a manila folder on your desk where you're sketching. Steve is leaning against the wall by your door with his arms folded.

"What's with the folder?" You ask him with a confused frown.

"I knew you were taken by Hydra but you didn't tell me about this. Why not?" He asks. You let out a sigh as you flip it open. Nothing could have prepared you for what you were going to read in that folder. You went through a lot when Hydra kidnapped you and it's not a time you like to remember.

"H-how did you get this?" You ask him.

"Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Steven,howdid you find this information? I'm serious."

"My last recon mission." He tells you.

"You had a recon mission at a Hydra base?"

"Well I wasn't sure if that's what it was but we found a bunch of their files there. This included. Tony was sorting them and when he saw your name he figured you'd feel more comfortable with me reading it."

"I would feel more comfortable reading it my damn self." You huff.

"I know but Tony thought that less biased eyes would be better in case there's some information we need."

"So now that you haven't found anything useful you figured you'd confront me about unshared trauma?"

"I haven't talked to Tony about the folder. And I won't. I just- we talked about what happened during your time at Hydra why, why didn't you tell me aboutthis?"

"Because Steven it was traumatic! I don't like to think about it. Everything about that time was awful but this? This was another level of cruelty to me. I love you but you can't expect me to share every detail of my time there. Has Bucky? He has nightmares still, does he tell you what happens in them? Do you expect him to? That is your best friend and Iknowhe doesn't recount his horrors in specificity. He doesn't share them all with me and that's a trauma we have in common. Why would I have told you about this?"

"Wait does Bucky know?" Steve asks.

"Absolutely not. Why would I tell him?" You shake your head.

"Why not? I think this concerns him."

"Not really. At the time I was forbidden from telling him. I mean they hardly even let me see him after that happened. Even if I could tell him it's not like they'd let him remember and it's been so long. We're different people now and we're in a good place. Both individually and together. I don't- I don't think there's any reason to tell him about any of it. I went through it, it almost broke me, and eventually, I healed. It took a long time but it happened before y'all found me. I don't think that's a wound I need to reopen just to share it with Bucky. He wasn't with me, he couldn't be and I think making him aware of that would hurt him more than he needs." You shrug.

"Y/n- I'm sorry you went through that and that you had to do it alone." Steve sighs.

"It's fine Stevie it's over. But- you haveto keep it to yourself. If you've gotta give the file back to Tony do it but Bucky doesn't need to know any of that. Can you respect my decision?" You stand up and hand the folder back to Steve.

"Of course, and I'll make sure Tony knows as well."

"Thank you." You mutter.

"I just- I have one last question."

"Ask away."

"I don't understand why they never told Bucky or why they forbid you from telling him. Even after it happened."

"It made me a distraction to Bucky. They made sure I- I wasn't a problem anymore it's why he barely remembers me from that time." You mutter.

"A distraction? To Bucky?" Steve frowns.

"Look I-" you stop yourself when you realize Bucky is walking into your room and Steve practically freezes when he turns around to look at you.

"What's this about you being a distraction?" Bucky frowns.

"Steve and I were just- talking about-"

"You being a distraction I heard. Have I ever made you feel like a distraction?" Bucky asks.

"No. Not you. It was- he had a question about something Hydra related."

"I'm confused why would Hydra have anything to do with you being a 'distraction'?"

"I wasalwaysa distraction for their precious Winter Soldier. It's why you don't remember much about our time together. They made sure to take care of any possibility of that." You muse.

"Y/n." Steve looks at you with a conflicted expression.

"You're being evasive on purpose aren't you?" Bucky's eyes dart between you and Steve.

"Tell him y/n." Steve sighs.

"Steve!" You glare at him.

"He deserves to know."

"You agreed to respect my decision."

"Yeah but now he's asking about it just- tell him."

"Hi yeah I'm still in the room." Bucky crosses his arms. "Y/n, what is he talking about?" He asks you and you sigh.

"I was pregnant and I never told you because Hydra made sure there was nothing to tell." You don't look at either of them as you talk.

"You were pregnant?" Bucky whispers.

"Yeah."

"And Steve, you told him?"

"Steve found outtoday because of a file found during a  mission and asked me about it. I told him not to tell you because it was a long time ago and it's not something I like to rehash. The distraction thing is- about why you never knew."

"It was my kid?" Bucky's brows knit together when he asks.

"Of course it was. They separated us because of it. You couldn't know and they couldn't let it happen again. It's part of why your memories of me are so vague."

"When you say they made sure there was nothing to tell-"

"They terminated the pregnancy." You say.

"Y/n-" Bucky breathes out your name with sadness in his eyes.

"It was for the best in the end." You shrug.

"For the best? They took our child away from you and you think that was for the best?" Bucky is incredulous.

"Did you forget how they treated us? Kept us in cages? You were there Bucky. How could a child be expected to endure that? Be realistic here we would not have had that child even if I gave birth to them. I'd have the kid and the moment they can walk those monsters would take them. He'd learn to shoot before he could count to one hundred. And as soon as they think he's old enough they'd start testing and there are only two ways that would've gone. The child turns out like you, or like me. So they keep them; a miracle, the Winter Solider can be genetically replicated through reproduction. Now, on top of all the other horrible shit they did to us, we're turned into breeding cows because the successful genetic mutation of one child means they'd now start trying to find what parts of your DNA and what parts mine make the best fucking super baby. They'd probably move the kid too, who at this point has spent so many years in this lab without us that they don't even know their parents. Or they move us, either way, we never see them or each other again. And the alternative; the kid's not like either of us. They have no use for a regular kid, so they throw them to the fucking wolves we still never see that child again. You and I both know we could not protect a child in that environment so yeah, I think it's for the best that they did not force me to bring a child into a world where neither of their parents could protect them." Your voice is loud by the end of your rant. It's a story you've walked through a hundred times before. Having Hydra end your pregnancy was hard, but you know it would be much harder to have a baby in that place knowing what it's like to be there.

"Y/n-" Bucky's voice is soft.

"Maybe it's cold to rationalize it this way but it's the only way I survived all the hell they put me through and I willnotfeel bad about it."

"You shouldn't feel bad." He tells you. "You're right, I mean- you usually are. I guess I just, you've had all the time in the world to think about it. I'm only just processing all of this information right now. I didn't even know I could have kids." He frowns.

"Neither did I. They caught it so quick, before I even knew it was happening." You shake your head. Bucky wraps his arms around you in a tight hug that has tears stinging your eyes.

"I'm sorry you've been carrying this alone." Bucky says.

"Y/n- I'm really sorry for forcing you to go back down that road. You have our support. Always. I shouldn't have asked. It's- not my business." Steve mutters.

"It's fine Steve, you're my friend. It's not unreasonable that you'd ask about it." You sigh.

"No one likes reliving their trauma, but nothing that happened to you there will ever make anyone here love you less. Okay?" Bucky looks at you.

"I know."

Sometimes it's hard to deal with, what happened to you there was beyond imaginable but it's part of your story. You can't erase it even if you lock it away in the recesses of your mind and while you'll never say you're okay with that trauma, you know without it you wouldn't be where you are now. It was the worst time of your life but you came out the other side to something better than you ever thought you'd get.

***

[sexboobomb]

very particular question if you don't mind; HOW THE FUCK DO U TALK TO PPL ON THIS APP??? HOW?? HOWDID?? HOW DO YOU?? WOW ok thank you

ill be real with you if i find someone who lives who i think is hot, cute, funny, or a combination, i usually open with a really nonsensical half-idiotic half-flirty line and it just keeps fucking working and i dont know why

^ real dm conversation starters from yours truly

id say dont take advice from me but my strategy(?) keeps working so i guess??????

[macgyvermedical]

Hi! There’s a scene in one of the Little House books where Pa and another guy are digging a well. They put a candle down before they go to make sure there’s good air, and the one time they don’t the other guy passes out and Pa has to rescue him. What actually happened there (like what kind of gas would do that, etc)? Howdid they deal with that kind of thing in mines back then, if it was an issue? How would you deal with that if you were digging a well today? Did they do the first aid right? Do you have any whumpy ideas based on this scenario?

My best guess here is that there was a buildup of carbon dioxide in the bottom of the well.

Carbon dioxide is heavier than air, so it tends to displace the normal mix of oxygen and nitrogen that we breathe. We also breathe it out as a normal part of our metabolism, so when Pa and his friend were working in the well, they were adding more and more carbon dioxide. As the well got deeper, less and less of it was able to escape, and it pushed the oxygen and nitrogen up the well shaft.

A candle (and any fire) needs oxygen to burn, so if it is in an environment of low oxygen (because carbon dioxide displaced it all), it will go out. Humans also need oxygen, or we will pass out and eventually die.

I did a post on this here.

If you were digging a well similar to Pa's today, you'd at least want to point a fan down into it to move fresh air to the bottom and flush out the higher carbon dioxide air that was collecting at the bottom. This wouldn't be foolproof, especially for a very deep well, but it's better than just winging it.

As for first aid, there's not a lot to do- essentially just move the person to fresh air. If they weren't breathing, providing rescue breathes (or CPR if the person didn't have a pulse) until they started breathing on their own would be all one could really do.

Now, carbon dioxide isn't the only gas that can displace oxygen, and it's not the only poison gas that can build up in confined spaces like mines, wells, septic tanks, cisterns, etc... For that matter, it's not the only poison gas that humans interact with.

Many mines, especially coal mines, run the risk of filling with natural gas if a pocket of gas is opened in the mining process. Natural gas is largely made of methane- a colorless, odorless gas that can both displace oxygen and explode if exposed to a flame or spark.

Since the industrial revolution, steam engines (and later internal combustion engines) have been used to make the mining process more efficient. This has made much deeper mines possible, but it also causes a buildup of carbon monoxide- again, a colorless, odorless gas that poisons people by displacing oxygen in people's bodied. These engines also off-gas carbon dioxide, which, as stated above, tends to displace oxygen in the environment.

In mines most of this buildup of poison gas is (and pretty much always has been) mitigated through ventilation systems of varying complexity. Back around the turn of the century this was as simple as having 2 entrances to a mine and putting a fan facing outward at one of the entrances. But ventilation can only do so much, and there could always be pockets of gasses that aren't flushed out by a ventilation system that could do real harm to human miners.

And since all of these gasses are nearly impossible for humans to detect until it is too late, something other than a human needs to be used.

Today, this is often done via gas-detecting computerized sensors. From about 1850 to the 1990's however, the detectors were birds. Birds have a high metabolism, so are overcome much more quickly by a drop in oxygen levels than humans are. If a bird fell off it's perch, a miner would know to get to a better ventilated section of the mine ASAP. Contrary to popular belief, the birds didn't frequently die, and were often treated as pets when they weren't in the mines.

Birds were also used to detect poison gasses during both World Wars and the Gulf war, since well into the 1990's computers that could detect poison gasses or changes in oxygen concentration in real time were prohibitively expensive.

[dragonandtiger]

Dreaming To Reality: Oneiromancy Chapter Thirty - 12

@DigimonKaiser: They can also give themselves admin privileges and enter without needing to know the password.

@DigimonKaiser: Sota Ishihara, if you insult Ken again, I’ll nuke your computer with every virus known to the internet.

GODHACKER: WTFFFFFFFFF??? HOWDID YOU GET MY NAME!?!?!

@DigimonKaiser: Your security is more pathetic than the one for this chatroom.

@DigimonKaiser: Your handle is rather undeserved.

* GODHACKER’s name has been changed to PatheticHacker

Miyako made a face of pure confusion for several seconds as the chatroom went crazy at the sudden intrusion before it instantly clicked. Her face immediately deadpanned and she began typing.

@RainbowBuilder: Hello, Osamu.

@RainbowBuilder: Any insight or thoughts you might have for this little Digimon World nonsense?

@DigimonKaiser: Just ask the man responsible.

@DigimonKaiser: CheerfulHeaven, should I tell them who you are, or are you going to introduce yourself?

Back at Digital Max tower, Kigaru stopped short. He stared at the screen for a moment and blinked. Then, he began to chuckle as a rueful smile appeared on his face. Admittedly, he hadn’t meant to keep the charade indefinitely and knew that he’d eventually have to shed his years-long persona at some point, but he certainly hadn’t expected it to be taken from him.

CheerfulHeaven: You’re a scary kid, you know that?

@DigimonKaiser: You’re one to talk.

PatheticHacker: WTFWTF WHY CANT I CHANGE MY NAME BACK????!!!!

[mama-vaggie]

How did you get idea \howdid you grow your blog so much?

Tbh I don't know. I didn't think people would really like talking to me all that much, but I'm glad they do. I guess just...talking to people and being chatty always helps! As long as you're actually having fun with it tho.

[valentronic]

HOWDID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME.

YOU CANT FOOL ME BOY

[phasepandemonium]

compelling argument to play rakdos commanders.

[sonoftatooine]

Pleaseeeee do a sequel to Day 14 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Hi, thanks for the ask, anon! I'm actually writing a sequel for Day 14 (my AU where Padmé gets on Palpatine's trail and he retaliates by framing her for being in league with the Sith) which was meant to be posted for Febuwhump but I didn't quite finish it in time, so I'm probably going to carry it over to Angstpril instead since it's suitable for one of this year's prompts. After that, I don't really know what will happen with this AU since I don't actually have an idea of where it's going right now other than very badly for everyone except Palpatine, but that might change in future idk.

Anyway, in the meantime, have a little extract from the upcoming fic. This one's from Padmé's POV rather than Anakin's this time:

"Senator Amidala" the figure croaked, and the voice was like the holotransmission as well, harsh and rough, as if he were speaking through jagged shards of transparisteel. It was nothing like the soft, calm tones that had become so familiar to her over the course of her career, and the sharp, cruel edge to it sent a violent shiver down her spine.

"How did you get in here?" she gasped.

It felt as if all the air had been stolen from her lungs, she could barely breathe. She searched wildly around her, desperate to find something—anything—that she might use to defend herself, but the Jedi had been too meticulous in making sure to deprive her of any potential weapons, and she did bit dare risk taking her eyes off the dangerous presence in front of her for more than a second. Her gaze was drawn inexorably back to him, and all of a sudden, she was seized with with an inescapable horror that chilled her right down to the marrow of her bones. A wrinkled, pale hand slipped from the confines of the voluminous robes the figure wore and reached up to the hem of the hood. The fabric was pulled slowly back, and Padmé could only stare, appalled, at the sight it revealed.

"You don't look well, my dear." She didn't quite know what she has expected—that the face of Darth Sidious would somehow be different from that of the kindly old mentor she had known for half her life?—but it was a surprisingly devastating blow to see the features of Sheev Palpatine entirely unchanged by her knowledge of his true nature, save for the wicked, twisted expression on his usually gentle face, and the sulfuric yellow of his eyes. His words, which in the time before would have seemed full of sympathy and concern, sounded cold and mocking when spoken by that croaking, grating voice that filled her with such revulsion that she couldn't help but shudder every time she heard it. "Have the Jedi not been treating you—?"

"Howdid you get in here?!" Padmé repeated, louder and sharper this time. She tried to draw in all her training, all the authority that she had learnt to project even when she was afraid and full of doubt during her time as Queen. But all she could think of was that it was this man, this man before her who had taught her those techniques, this man whom she has trusted, had put into power, and now he was here to—

Oh Force, what if he was here to kill her?

"You should know well enough from your...investigations," Palpatine—no, Sidious, he was Sidious, Palpatine was just a ruse—scoffed at her, thin lips curling into something halfway between a sneer and a wicked smirk, "just how far my reach extends. The Jedi may be under the mistaken impression that their numbers remain unsullied by my influence, but everywhere in this Republic, there are people who know loyalty only to me."

His awful yellow eyes gleamed with something horribly like triumph, and Padmé felt her throat tighten as dread threatened to overcome her. Were there traitors in the Order? Knights—or maybe even Masters—who answered to Sidious rather than their Council? Or perhaps among the Temple guards? The fact that he had shown his face to her suggested that he had no fear of any recordings of this secret visit reaching the eyes of the Jedi. Were the people guarding her in truth loyal to the Sith without anyone at the Temple being any the wiser? Were—?

"Besides," Sidious hissed, features twisting into a wide grin full of malicious glee, "it was not even strictly necessary to infiltrate their ranks when they have already accepted the instrument of their own demise with open arms. Though my allies here certainly have had their uses."

[thebookwormfairy]

Snowlin Childhood Friends Au

There is not nearly enough fan content for this amazing movie! So I guess it's up to me provide it! And I'm so sorry for that cause all I can do are headcanons! This popped into my head after rewatching this masterpiece! Seriously guys if you can watch it!

Merlin's parents were super close to Snow's parents

The two children would spend their summers together

They two became instant best friends

Though Merlin still was a bit vain

He always tried to fix his hair and look his best

Snow loved to tease him about it

She loved to tossel his hair

Merlin acted like he hated it but really he loved it

Merlin was a year older than Snow and never let her forget it

Merlin: When you my age you'll understand

Snow: you're only a year older than me

Merlin: Well sometimes a year makes all the difference

Of course being the princess of the powerful White kingdom, one of the biggest on Fairytale Island, means that a lot of royal and noble families tried to set up their son's with Snow

Merlin hated it

Snow was HIS best friend why did all these other boys want to take her away from him

Merlin may have shot a little (read a lot) of magic at one of Snow's more pushy suitors

The parents always like to joke that the two were going get married one day

Of course the two young royals denied it

But as they got older the two did start to develop feeling for eachother

Though they refused to tell the other

Snow saw how girls would swoon over her best friend and figured he wouldn't want a girl as plain as her compared to the beautiful woman

And Merlin saw all of Snow's suitors

Men who could offer her so much more than he ever could

Merlin was there for Snow when she lost her mom

He was her shoulder to cry on and his parents were there for King White

When the two were 14 and 13 a couple of years after the death of Queen White Merlin and his other friends formed a group called the Fearless 7

Merlin still tried to visit Snow whenever he could

But Merlin refused to let the F7 meet Snow

So his visits got less frequent and more spaced out

The 2 sadly just drifted apart over the years

During one of Merlin's last visits Snow gave him a token of good luck

She used one of his spell scrolls to fold into a flower which she kissed at the center leaving a lipstick mark

Merlin cherished this gift from his best friend and kept it by his heart

By the time Snow was 18 they hadn't seen eachother for months

Snow didn't want to admit it but she felt like Merlin abandoned her for his other friends

She still tried to keep up with information on the F7 or more specifically Merlin

But when Regina took over Snow had to focus more one helping her father and her kingdom then focusing on some boy who didn't visit or write anymore

After a year of not seeing eachother when Merlin and Snow were reunited they had no idea who the other was

Snow was under the curse of the red shoes and Merlin was cursed to look like a dwarf whenever anybody looked at him

Their outsides may have change but they were still the same people on the inside

They fell back into old habits

Snow or Red Shoes as she was going by at that point, still teased and messed with Merlin's hair

And Merlin still teased her about being a whole year older than her

Both mentioned that the other reminded them of an old friend they use to have

Merlin was always a little suspicious of Red Shoes, she just reminded him too much of Snow White

He knew he missed her but the similarities were just too big

Snow also saw the similarities between her silly dwarf and her old best friends but she didn't let her mind wonder down that path

As the two developed feelinging for eachother again they thought more and more about their childhood friend

It all clicked for Merlin when Red Shoes gave him a flower made from one of his spell scrolls with a red lipstick mark on the center

Merlin *looking into Red Shoe's eyes*: Princess Snow White?

Snow *eyes wide*: Howdid you know it was me?

Merlin *smiling*: You gave me one of these before. I still have it.

Merlin pulls out the first flower Snow made him from his chest pocket

Snow: But that would mean...Prince Merlin?

Merlin: Hi Snow

Snow: How did this happen?

Merlin told Snow everything about the curse and what he and the other F7 were doing in the year they were missing and Snow explained how the shoes changed her appearance

Snow: Well I guess you were right? 1 year can make a big difference

Merlin *smirking*: I told you so now let's see if we can see the old Snow again

Merlin helped Snow take the shoes off turning her back into her old self

Merlin *smiling*: That's much better

Snow *blushing*: So why didn't you come to me in the first place?

Merlin *hestantly*: I didn't want you to see me like this

Snow: I don't care about what you look on the outside, I care about the boy I fell in love with on the inside

Merlin: You love me? Even though I look like *Merlin made a face* a hideous green monster.

Snow *giggling*: Of course, and I'd be more than happy to help you break the curse

Merlin: Really?

Snow: Of course we should try Princess Rupunzel, she's definitely one of the most beautiful woman on Fairytale Island

Merlin *softly*: I think I already know who the most beautiful woman in the world is, at least to me.

Snow: Who?

Merlin: Close your eyes

Snow did as told having an idea what Merlin was going for closed her eyes

Merlin leaned in a kissed his childhood crush

There was a flash of golden light and when Snow opened her eyes her Merlin sat in front of her

Snow *tearing up and rests her hand on his cheek*: It's really you

Merlin *holding Snow's face*: Yeah and you broke my curse

Merlin and Snow shared on last kiss before the two made there way back to the house

[angesaurus]

What is the best part about being a mom and what is the worst part? Howdid you know you were ready to have a baby? What do you wish you knew before you had kids?

I always forget I reblog “ask me things” posts and then am shocked when I get questions 😂

The best part is always having a little buddy who loves you unconditionally and seeing them grow and learn and become little humans.

The worst part is cleaning up poop. Also cleaning bottles is a pain in the ass.

I knew I was ready when we bought our house and we were good financially! I never had the desire to have a baby before that because I knew it was a dumb idea. Same with our second.

I wish I knew that breastfeeding isn’t for everyone and confidence in not breastfeeding will make people less likely to annoy you about breastfeeding. I wish I knew that you don’t need to buy pampers because target diapers are just as good (now I know!).

[ask-brothagibby]

Oh:0 In what situation did you hug them? Or did they hug you? Howdid they react? I thought they would be like dont touch me 😂

I hugged 'em. It was after a good game! Y'all know I don't mind a lose, and we were in the same team. I dunno if they were feelin' low about the loss, so I hugged 'em a good game! They were kinda shy, but it's all good.

[howdidcom-blog]

How Did is the Platform That Provides You Vital Information at https://howdid.com

If you have any particular question in your mind and you are looking for the answer, then you can sign in on How did platform. It will have the answers to all your questions. So you can use this platform to know the answers to your different questions.

Our Profile : https://howdidcom.tumblr.com/

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[ssunspotted]

smokingnarcissus

tolya is the straightest man i've ever met. an absolute pussy destroyer (cis women only)

Fuck howdid you know this was my gravestone text 

[genderfriends]

If you don’t mind me asking, howdid you first know you were nonbinary, and what does dysphoria feel like? I’m trying to figure out if I’m nonbinary.

I don’t mind at all, but my experiences might have been a bit atypical. This might get a bit personal, though, so it’s a bit lengthy. But it might help someone, even if it doesn’t necessarily help you.

I’ve realized that I’m nonbinary twice in my life, once after recloseting myself in high school.  Although the details are very fuzzy on the first time given that it was 6 years ago, I remember that I was struggling with the gender that I was assigned at the time and a boyfriend that I had posed me a question you might have seen around before– “When you picture yourself in the future, years down the line, do you see yourself as a man or a woman?”Both choices felt wrong to me, but it took me a while to figure out that it was because the answer was actually neither. Once I realized that I was not stuck for the rest of my life forcing myself to align with and be the gender I got assigned, I remember feeling probably the most gender euphoria I have ever felt in my life, up until a few months ago. 

High school in the Bible Belt was pretty rough for me, and over the years, I sort of assimilated. At first, I just stopped correcting the people I spoke to, and then the people who cared for me. I think I just felt so hopeless that I sort of gave up on that future that 12 year old me had once cried with joy over. I still avoided referring to myself as the gender I was assigned as often as possible, and even though I ended up in such deep denial, I still felt pangs of hurt whenever people referred to me in that way.

It wasn’t until the week that I finished my final senior exams and realized that I did not have to go back to that place again that the realization washed over me all over again. This time, though, I was way more terrified than I was relieved, but I knew I couldn’t keep existing in the way I was. I had to come back out. I didn’t have any other choice at that point, and it wasn’t until a few tearful conversations with my loved ones– each of them ending with respect and care– that the waves of relief and euphoria finally came back. 

This happened in April and May of this year, 2018. About two months before I started this blog as an attempt to come to terms with it. I honestly cannot describe how great the impact this silly little genderfriends domain has had on me for the better, and I most definitely would not be in as good a place as I am right now had I not made that series of steps *coughs* coming out of high school. Even though I’m still struggling to accept myself as I am, in the only way that I can be, having so much contact with people who share some of my experiences is nothing short of a godsend.

As for dysphoria, this post might be helpful, but I really don’t know what to say other than that everyone who has it experiences it with some variation. Sometimes for me, it feels like a literal weight on my shoulders, and other times it is just an awareness that something doesn’t quite add up.

Please feel free to reach out some more if you would like. As I said, hearing from other folks wearing similar shoes is nothing short of a godsend to me. If anyone else wants to talk about what it was like for them, I would greatly appreciate hearing your stories.

Oli