#i actually am so much better w time management in general this semester but

[mag200]

unfortunately i am soo good at writing an essay the day its due. im sure this will never affect the development of my time management skills.

[scabopolis]

Omg congrats on 600 followers! Honestly any fake dating with Jonah x Amy would be amazing, although I love number 44 and/or 48 on your Google Docs <333

This is my first Jonah x Amy fic and I offer two caveats: 1) I’m still not sure if there is a particular vibe people who read for this pairing preferring, so...here we are, and 2) I have only made it through 4x12 of Superstore but am pretty familiar w/ what happens the rest of the series. 

Prompt: “You know we’re not actually dating, so why did you propose to me in front of my family?” / “I’m sorry, I panicked.” --- Title: the scene of the complication Fandom: Superstore Pairing: Jonah/Amy Other Characters: My crippling insecurity writing for a new fandom, sleep soft mornings, dumbs being dumb (but, like in a cute way) Additional Tags: friends to lovers (or idiots to friends to lovers??), fake dating shenanigans, alternative universe where Amy’s HS pregnancy test was negative and she and Jonah met in college Word Count: ~2,100 ---

It started with a chance meeting ten years ago, and somehow it’s brought Amy Sosa here: awake in her childhood room with Jonah Simms beside her, sleeping off upwards of half a dozen tequila shots. Maybe she shouldn’t be surprised. She knew that day they met in the lecture hall that Jonah was a person who would make her life exceedingly more complicated. 

And ten years later, here they are, practically leaving complicated behind in the rear view mirror. 

(“What are two hopes and one fear you have for your first lecture on your first day of college?” the guy sitting to her right asks. 

Amy doesn’t answer at first but this stranger just waits for her, all blinking, bright eyes and freshman eagerness. It’s barely morning. Is this her life now? 

“Hope one,” she says, holding up a finger, “that I’d sit next to someone quiet. Hope two,” she holds up another, “that no one would talk to me before I managed to find coffee.” She holds up a third finger. “And this moment right here is what I feared.” 

For some reason, her shortness delights him. His smile is open and affectionate, and he nods in appreciation. 

“Noted.” 

And Amy fully intends to never speak to this wide-eyed panda boy ever again, but then their General Psychology professor informs the class that the person they’re sitting next to will be their assignment partner for the semester. 

The next lecture her partner – his name is Jonah, she learns – brings her a cup of coffee and doesn’t speak a word until she takes a long sip. 

Complicated.)

Jonah snuffles in his sleep, his eyelids fluttering slightly. His hair is doing that thing it does when he’s hot or drunk or has run a hand through it too many times, where a single lock of hair hangs in the middle of his forehead. Amy resists the very real urge to brush it away. Because, yeah, she has those kinds of thoughts a lot and they also make things complicated. They’re friends. Maybe even best-friends, but definitely not ‘tenderly brush a lock of your hair away’ friends. 

Do those kinds of friends even exist? 

Jonah stirs again, and now that it’s clear he’s actually waking up, Amy reaches for her phone and opens Candy Crush. The last thing she needs is to get caught staring at him like some weird stalker.

“Oh, god,” he groans, his voice scratchy. He stretches out with another groan, his foot bumping against Amy’s as he does. Rather than move away, he kind of just rests it there on top of hers. And this is something she is all too familiar with. Drunk and/or hungover Jonah is yet another complication. More accurately, his propensity to cuddle indiscriminately is a very real complication. 

“I need—” Amy reaches for the glass of water on her night stand and hands it to Jonah, stopping him mid-thought. “Do you have—?” She hands him two ibuprofen. “Thank you,” he says. 

“You’re welcome.” She looks back at her phone. 

Jonah swallows the two pills and drinks the entire glass of water, and then lays back down, curling slightly into Amy’s side.  

“I made so many mistakes last night,” he says.

“I’m aware. As are your 80 Instagram followers.” 

“I liveblogged it?” 

“And tagged everything with the hashtag ‘best noche ever.’” He groans again and turns his face into Amy’s side. She sets her phone back on the nightstand. “What got into you?” 

“Your dad is intimidating.” 

“My dad?” 

“Yes. Your dad. And then he and your brother kept pouring me shots—” 

“I knew this had Eric’s fingerprints all over it.” 

“Well, it was kind of my fault, too.” 

She frowns. “What do you mean?” Jonah doesn’t answer and Amy kicks him under the covers. He looks up at her. His eyes are red-rimmed but also so sleepy and soft. Complicated. “Jonah.” 

“They kept asking me questions. About you and me. And I was so worried I’d say something wrong, I kept taking shots to avoid answering.”

“You could have found me.” 

“I know, but—” he trails off. 

“But what?”

“I want them to like me.” 

“Oh, Jonah.” She gives in and brushes the lock of hair off his forehead, and he looks up at her. “They’ve known you for 10 years. They’re never going to like you.” 

“Thanks, I feel so much better.” 

“I do have one more question.” 

“Okay.”

“You know we’re not actually dating. Right?” 

He closes his eyes and nods. “No. Yeah. I know.” 

“So why did you propose to me in front of my family?” 

“I panicked.”

“Panicked?” 

“Your dad asked what my intentions were, and there were just so many shots. 

“And that’s why you shouted ‘I intend to marry her!’?” 

Jonah flips the comforter over his head. “I just got wrapped up in it all.” His words are muffled from under the comforter.

She’s glad for the moment of respite, with Jonah unable to see her. If Amy didn’t want things to careen so off track, she probably shouldn’t have agreed to let him come to her dad’s retirement party as her fake boyfriend. 

(“I don’t see what the problem is,” Jonah says, spooning more cashew chicken onto his plate. “You don’t still have feelings for Adam, do you?” 

“No. No. God no,” she says. “Absolutely not.” 

“Alright. I’m clear on the no.” 

“It’s just the last time I saw him— Well, you know.” 

“I recall, yes.” 

And he does. Jonah knows all about Amy’s high school boyfriend. The one she liked but never quite loved. The one she broke up with when the pregnancy test came back negative. The one she slept with again the summer after their senior year of college. 

(An event that occurred in no small part because Jonah was dating Mindy and the two of them were talking about moving in together. Maybe moving to the west coast together and Amy realized there was a very real possibility she was going to be left behind. 

Jonah doesn’t know that part of the story.) 

Adam is also the guy who thought having sex in her childhood bedroom meant Amy wanted to get back together. He’s the guy bringing his very beautiful fiancée to her dad’s retirement party. Because he’s also somehow the guy who still helps her dad with home improvement projects. And Amy is just Amy – the one who doesn’t visit St. Louis enough, and is using her very expensive liberal arts degree to work as a survey researcher for Cloud9, meaning she’s basically paid to manipulate shoppers. 

And, not that it should matter, but she’s also very single. Has been for a while now. 

She mostly blames the man stealing chow mein from her plate for that. She blocks Jonah’s chopsticks with hers, and a piece of cabbage goes flying. 

“Stop that,” she says. 

“You’re not eating it.” 

“I’m too annoyed to eat.” 

“If you only ate when you weren’t annoyed you’d starve.” 

“I hate you.” 

She pushes the chow mein around her plate. God, when she thinks about it, this really is Jonah’s fault. If she could just find a way to get over this stupid, dumb, little crush that has creeped up – without her permission, mind you! – then maybe she could actually—

“I could do it,” Jonah says, interrupting her thought spiral. 

“Do what?” 

“Go with you to your dad’s retirement party. Be your fake boyfriend.” 

“You think that’s a good idea?”

“I think it’s a great idea. Besides, I am very close to getting your dad to like me.” 

“He’ll never like you.” 

“It’s not that I didn’t like the painting—” 

“—How would this even work?” she asks, cutting him off. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I think we act like we normally do, but maybe you can hold my hand and be nice to me.” 

“Eww.” 

Jonah smiles around a large bite of cashew chicken. She really needs to stop hanging out with him so much – he’s become immune to her insults. It’s rude. 

And him as her fake boyfriend is a terrible idea. Truly awful. If Amy is looking to get over her crush and make things between her and Jonah less complicated, there are better ways to do it. 

Except. 

Except she kind of wants to. 

“Okay. Let’s do it,” she says. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes,” she says decisively. “But if you try and kiss me, I’ll cut your lips off.” 

“That seems like a proportionate response.”)

“So, to be clear, I told you kissing wasn’t allowed, and you thought that left proposals on the table?” 

He groans again from under the comforter. It’s a little sad and a lot pathetic. Poor guy. 

She pats the comforter in the area of what she hopes is his shoulder. As annoyed as she is at having to untangle these threads, it’s not his fault. Not really. She knows her family is relentless. Amy slides down and flips the comforter over her head as well. 

Jonah rolls over onto his side to face her. Amy does the same. 

“It was better than Adam’s proposal.”

“Adam proposed?” 

Amy nods. “Ish. If I remember correctly he said, ‘I’ll marry you if I have to.’”

“Yikes.” 

“Right?” It’s cozy under this blanket. Intimate even. “You did say some nice things. Even if they came out kind of slurred.” 

“Amy—”

“Sexy, huh?” 

“I really didn’t mean to shout that to all of your dad’s—”

“Because it’s not true?” 

“No!” Jonah winces and Amy isn’t sure if it’s ‘I have a hangover’ induced or ‘I am revealing too much’ induced. “It’s true. Of course it’s true. You are very, you know.” 

“Sexy on a completely objective level? Or, are you saying that you, yourself, Jonah Simms, think I’m sexy?” Jonah goes completely still. Amy isn’t even sure he’s breathing. It’s entirely uncharacteristic and a little unnerving. She pokes his cheek. “Are you blushing?”

“Big time, yeah.” 

That does enough to break the tension under their blanket enclave, both of them laughing, at first awkwardly and then more genuine. Once they stop to catch their breath, Amy notices they’ve shifted closer together. 

This would be the perfect moment to flee from the scene of the complication. But the complications don’t seem so terrible at this specific moment. She blames that lock of hair of his.

“How long have you held this opinion?” Jonah frowns at Amy’s question. “Regarding my sexiness?” she clarifies. 

“Amy—”

“What?” 

“What are you doing?” 

“I just want to—”

“Really? You really want to have this conversation?” 

Jonah stresses the ‘you’ and Amy knows why he does. There isn’t a topic or feeling that is off-limits to Jonah – he’d happily discuss every feeling he’s ever had. It’s her. It’s always her. 

Their faces are so close they’re practically sharing the same pillow. It takes no effort at all for Amy to close the distance between them, lightly brushing her lips against his. As quick as it began it’s over, and even in the dim light under the comforter, Amy can see Jonah’s eyes blown wide. She’s sure she looks just as shocked and she’s the one who did it.  

“You said if I kissed you you’d cut off my lips.”

“Which is why I kissed you.”

“Oh,” he nods. “Makes sense.” Jonah taps out a slow but erratic rhythm against the side of his leg. She just knows he’s trying to stop himself from verbalizing every single thought in his head. “To be clear, was that a friendship kiss, or—” 

So Amy kisses him again. This time Jonah recovers quickly from his shock, winding a hand into her hair, his palm cupping the back of her head. It’s just unbelievably good. 

“Okay,” Jonah says, his voice unsteady as he pulls away. “That answers that.” He traces her jaw with his thumb. “Any chance we could do it some more?” 

Amy rolls onto her back, putting some distance between them. “I don’t think so.” 

“Wait. What?” 

“Your breath is awful.” 

Jonah breathes into his hand and sniffs it to confirm. “What if I brush my teeth?” 

Amy sighs, long and exasperated. “I suppose that would be—”

Jonah is out of the bed in seconds, scrambling for his overnight bag, and Amy presses her lips together to hide her smile. From the way Jonah smiles, soft and delighted as he backs out of the room, she isn’t fooling anyone. 

So far past the point of complicated, she thinks, her heart still racing. But then again, maybe complications that make her feel like this are okay.

[birlcholtz]

Fic Questions

tagged by @the-lincyclopedia thank you!! (fun game: watch my writing get progressively less formal as the post continues. by the end it’s like what is capitalization)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

77!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

434,378 as of this week but it does go up quite regularly

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Okay so in terms of what’s on my AO3, I have Check Please, All For the Game, Sharp Zero, HP, and Miraculous Ladybug. I also have The Forbidden LOTR and PJO Fanfiction (as in, I’ve written it, but it’s never seeing the light of day)

(technically there is a PJO fic out there that has seen the light of day but I orphaned it because I was tired of getting comments asking about when it would be updated)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

and then i met you (and the whole world changed)

for the better

Knew It Was You

come home (to you, to us)

sin bin schematics

All of these are Check Please and all of them except Knew It Was You are part of my Zimbits Airport AU!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! It’s actually a very recent thing that I’ve started not responding to literally every single comment. Mainly I respond because I love talking about my writing so I am going to seize that opportunity when it comes up

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, DEFINITELY Happy Birthday (HP). Check out that MCD tag ahah. (I say HP but what I really mean is that I write fic about Regulus Black. The Regulus Black-centric tag is my home in the HP fandom)

fun fact: this is a very short fic that I wrote when I was 15 and basically forgot about until recently, and then I reread it recently and went holy shit?? I pulled NO punches????

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the wildest one you’ve written?

Not a ton? I think a lot of the fandoms I write for don’t really mesh that well. That being said, the aforementioned orphaned PJO fic is actually a PJO/ML crossover, so there’s that

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope! Sometimes I get comments that are just.... really confusing? And a more common thing is that in my AFTG fic I’ll get comments from people who are so focused on Andreil (or the most common ships in general) to the point that like. they miss the point of what I actually wrote. Those are annoying but they’re not hate, they’re very enthusiastic, they’re just... enthusiastic about a story I’m not writing? So it’s a bit frustrating.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No sjflskgjhgf I struggle enough to write kissing, I think if I ever tried to write smut my brain would just shut down. I’ve managed some fade-to-blacks (which are mostly in WIPs that haven’t been posted) but they rely HEAVILY on the powers of implication

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I have occasionally made a brief go of it, not to post, more as an exercise for myself in a language that I’m learning. Anyway I never finish them so I’m gonna say no

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really? I’ve definitely group brainstormed fics and then written them (the best example of this being Q&A (AFTG), which was the product of a truly off-the-walls group chat), but I tend to do all the actual writing myself. I think the way I write would drive a co-writer up the wall since it’s very disorganized and I don’t write stuff down because ~I know what’s gonna happen I don’t need notes~ and it would infuriate me if I was co-writing with me lmao, so I won’t inflict that on someone else

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I regularly move through ships I’m SUPER focused on, like it’s kind of a rotation. I will forever and always ship Percabeth though.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Okay so if you follow me at @birlwrites you may know this already, but i have this ‘warmups’ document that is just like, random ideas i get that i don’t necessarily want to finish but i just want to try out for a bit? and i have a rule that once a ‘warmup’ is more than 10 pages long (so 11+) then it has to be moved to its own document, just to make scrolling through the warmups doc easier. but usually, a warmup only passes 10 pages when i’m INTO it. so i have a bazillion wips i will probably never finish. i complain about this a lot. i have so many wips. i don’t need more.

here’s one: it’s titled ‘interrobang doesn’t know they’re dating’, it’s basically a full outline for a chowder/tango fic and it would be SO cool if i could ever like. get around to writing it. but i am constantly swamped with writing projects, so it’s probably not gonna happen. if anyone’s interested in adopting it though i’d be down for that!! i think it’s a fun idea i just almost def won’t write it myself

15. What are your writing strengths?

SNAPPY DIALOGUE AND SNARKY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE. my writing is COMEDIC, 90% of my ideas are based on a funny snippet that popped into my head, a lot of my worldbuilding is based on ‘hey you know what would be hilarious’ (whenever i explain how larai selects a chosen one in the rainfall universe i start laughing, which is a STARK contrast to how it plays out on the page), i love writing funny stuff!!

also i think my writing sounds nice, a lot of the time i pick words/syntax based on sound and flow so there’s that too. and i have lots of ideas! i don’t struggle much with writer’s block because a) i have a lot of strategies to deal with it and b) i have a lot of ideas to help get around it/work with it

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

PHYSICAL INTIMACY LMAO, sometimes in my end notes on shippy fics you can see me complaining ‘it took me literally 4 hours to write that very brief kiss’. also sometimes the humor in my writing gets in the way a bit, i have to very consciously put it away so characters can actually have serious, genuine emotions. also i don’t like outlining and i tend not to get betas for fanfiction so like..... i do my best continuity-wise but having really tightly plotted stories is just not my focus lol. (and i do put more effort into that for original stuff, it’s just fic where i kind of go wild)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If the reader’s supposed to know what it means, then writing it in another language is iffy for me. (stuff like terms of endearment which come up a lot in fic are fine imo, you can just put a note in to translate them and your reader will prob remember)

If the pov character isn’t supposed to understand it, and it doesn’t matter if the reader understands it, then ig it’s fine? but unless you already speak the other language (and i am NOT confident in my ability to translate english into literally any other language), then i think it’s way easier to just note that a character’s speaking x language and provide tone indicators, body language cues, etc. so the reader understands as much as the pov character.

That being said there are def times when it’s used super effectively--the dialogue in spanish in cemetery boys comes to mind! that’s not fanfic but it’s still creative writing so w/e

so i guess it comes down to: does actually writing out the dialogue in the other language serve a purpose? if it doesn’t, then you’re filling up the screen with words your reader isn’t likely to understand, which i try to avoid doing

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

so the first fandom i actually *wrote* for was PJO, but i distinctly remember creating warrior cats OCs when i was little. i never actually did anything w them but i had them and my favorite was a riverclan warrior named shellstream i remember this VIVIDLY

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh boy. okay so this is hard because i feel like i’m continuously improving as a writer. like in the sense that my writing is getting closer and closer to really matching my own taste? my favorites tend to always be my current projects as a result. and i do really love set those ghosts alight (HP) but it feels a little like cheating to say a fic i haven’t even finished writing yet. even though it’s def not cheating, that’s just the direction my brain is taking it.

i’m gonna say and then what? (OMGCP) because i’m super proud of the prose (especially ch 2 aka the first actual prose chapter), survived by (HP) for SUCCESSFULLY WRITING AN EMOTION and making readers cry :), and Q&A (AFTG) because i’m literally the one who wrote it and yet it still makes me wheeze. those are all fics i reread occasionally, because i’m big enough to admit i enjoy rereading my old stuff! (just like. to a point. some of my old stuff i can’t look at anymore because all the mistakes stick out to me like they have spotlights shining directly on them)

this was fun!! i’m gonna do an open tag because i just started my fall semester and brain tired. i know sometimes people see open tags and assume the op didn’t really mean it but I MEAN IT, PLEASE DO THIS AND TAG ME!!!!! YES YOU READING THIS

[thewickedkings]

Between the Two of Us ~ Chapter 2

Masterlist || Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

Summary: Jurdan High school AU. Rivals Jude and Cardan are forced to partner up for a history project, and drama ensues. (I know, I know, I suck at descriptions)

Trigger Warnings: I don’t think there’s anything so far, but please let me know if there’s anything I missed!

Jude stepped out her warm shower and into her bath robe, humming softly to herself. She’d gotten up early and went for a run, so she still had half an hour before Cardan was supposed to come over. Maybe she’d make herself a nice comforting breakfast to mentally prepare herself. She’d definitely need the extra dose of comfort food before dealing with Cardan. And to think she would have to do this for the rest of the semester.

Happy thoughts, she reminded herself. Think happy thoughts.

She opened her bathroom door, drying her hair off with her towel, and immediately jumped back in surprise, her towel slipping from her fingers.

Cardan Greenbriar was in her room. He was in her room, lounging on her chair, completely at ease as if he wasn’t in her bedroom. She blinked to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating.

Cardan looked up at her from where he sat on her chair, smirking. “Forget about our meeting?”

Jude’s mouth hung open in shock. She quickly closed it, her brain scrambling to catch up with the situation. “I didn’t forget. But it seems you forgot we were supposed to meet at 11:30, not 11:00, Cardan.”

“I’m nearly positive I said 11:00, Jude.” He leaned back in her chair, amused. “But maybe I’ll make a habit of coming early.” His eyes lowered from her dripping hair and landed on her bathrobe, and Jude felt herself blush.

“Shut up.” She marched over to her closet, grabbed the first outfit she could find, and walked back to her bathroom. “Give me a second, and then we’ll get this over with,” she growled, and tried not to slam the door behind her.

She looked up into the mirror, and realized she looked worse than she thought. Her brown hair hung down the side of her face in wet strands, and her cheeks were flushed, a side effect of dealing with Cardan.

Something about the way Cardan always seemed so in control of the situation got on her nerves, and she wanted to, for once, have the upper hand with him. He never seemed fazed, and Jude both envied and hated him for it.  

She combed out her hair and changed into a casual shirt and mom jeans, doing her best to make sure it didn’t look like she tried in any way for him.

When she walked back in the room, Cardan was looking at his phone, his brow furrowed. Jude had to admit that it was jarring to see him against the messy clutter of her room, and she felt somewhat exposed at him seeing the space she had made her own.

With his attention on his phone, Jude gave him a quick once over. He wore faded skinny jeans that were ripped at the knees and a soft black sweatshirt. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the faded scar just above his sharp jawline, and a small part of her wondered how he had gotten it.

Cardan caught her gaze. “Like what you see?”

She made a gagging sound. “You wish. Come on, let’s go downstairs. I need food before dealing with you.”

“What, haven’t had coffee yet?”

She threw her folder at him and walked towards the door. “I hate you.”

“Do you?” He raised his eyebrows as he deftly caught the folder and got up to follow her. “Besides, I was just getting you back for changing my locker combination. How the hell did you do that? It took me three days to figure it out.”

She smiled. She was particularly proud of that. It seemed her hour of practice and watching Youtube videos had been worth it. “I am a woman of many talents.”

He snorted. “Well, I’m sure you can include lock-picking on your resume, right under thief.”

She walked into the kitchen and grabbed eggs from the fridge. “I didn’t steal your car keys. I just conveniently misplaced them. Do you want some?” she asked as she cracked an egg into a bowl.

“No thanks. How will I know you didn’t ‘accidentally’ poison them?”

Jude’s thoughts flashed back to her plans to poison him and she choked back a laugh. That was a little too close to the truth.

Their conversation was interrupted by Jude’s older sister Vivi, who came rushing down the stairs, shoes on and car-keys in hand.

She paused when she saw Cardan leaning against the kitchen counter. “I see Jude’s finally brought home a b- Cardan?”

Jude ignored the fact that Vivi had just exposed her nonexistent love life and asked, “You two know each other?”

Vivi smiled. “I went to high school with his sister. How do you know Cardan?” She wagged her eyebrows playfully.

Jude shot her a glare.

“We have classes together,” Cardan responded. “But Jude clearly wanted to get to know me better, if you know what I mean, and so she generously invited me over to ‘work’ on our history project together.”

Jude scowled. “I didn’t invite you. You invited yourself.”

“If you say so. But I know you wanted me to come over.”

Jude fumed and looked at Vivi. “He’s delusional.”

But Vivi just looked between them with a knowing smile.

“What?” Jude snapped.

Before Vivi could say anything, Cardan pointed to the stove behind her. “Uh, Jude, I think your eggs are burning.”

“Crap.” She ran and lifted the pan from the stove, but it was too late. The eggs were already black around the edges. She opened the trash can and dumped the eggs inside angrily.

She turned back around, and both Cardan and Vivi were trying to keep a straight face.

“I hate you guys.”

“Ah, so it’s not just me she hates,” Cardan responded wryly.

Vivi examined the remains of her scrambled egg that were still stuck on the pan. “I don’t know how you managed to mess up scrambled eggs.”

“She did tell me she was a woman of many talents,” Cardan said solemnly, before both of them broke into laughter.

 ~~~

 After Vivi left on a mysterious date she wouldn’t say anything about and Jude remade her eggs, they were actually able to get some work done. Jude tried not to let her surprise show when Cardan actually gave helpful input and took the project seriously, instead of sitting back and letting her do all the work like she had expected.

When Jude had suggested women’s rights as their topic, instead of dismissing the idea like a jerk, he suggested doing something more specific, and together they decided to do their project on the gender wage gap in the United States. She’d thought Cardan was just another dumb rich kid with too much time on his hands, and maybe he was, but she realized he was smarter than she gave him credit for.

By the time they were finished, Jude was actually proud of their outline. She looked up at the time and realized it was already half past one. She had to be at work for her first shift at two.

Jude had applied for a job at Courtside Coffee, a small coffee shop that was not too far from their school. She hoped to have a decent amount of savings before college. Jude didn’t want to depend on her sort-of father any more than she already had to. Madoc had taken them in when her parents had died despite the fact that they weren’t his biological children, but that didn’t mean she was going to keep taking his charity money throughout college.

Jude cleared her throat. “Um, I have work at two so I have to go. I think we did enough so far.”

Cardan got up and started picking up their papers. “Yeah, we’re pretty much done anyways.”

Jude went to grab her keys from the key holder on the wall, except they weren’t there. Frustration prickled up her neck. She’d told Taryn she needed the car today.

She picked up her phone and called her. After a couple of rings, Taryn answered, her voice lowered. “Hey, Jude. I’m kind of busy right now.”

“Taryn, I need the car. I told you I had my first shift at work today.”

“Oh, shoot. I forgot, sorry.”

Jude clenched her fists. This wasn’t the first time Taryn had conveniently forgotten Jude needed the car. “Well, where are you? How am I supposed to get to work?” Her voice raised in frustration.

“Uhhh… I’m kind of on a date?”

“You’re on a date? With who?” Of course both of her sisters were on dates today and she was stuck here with Cardan, she thought bitterly.

“I’ll tell you later. Can’t you just get a ride with Cardan? He’s still there right?”

Jude realized she must have let Cardan in this morning before she left. “Are you serious?”

“Come on Jude. I’m too far anyways to get back in time for your shift.”

“Fine,” Jude responded, her voice clipped, and hung up. Another reason she had wanted this job was to save up for her own car. Sharing with Taryn clearly wasn’t working.

She felt Cardan’s gaze on her. Heat prickled up her neck when she realized Cardan had probably heard the whole conversation.

“Is there something you need to ask me?” Cardan asked, playing with his keys innocently.

She gritted her teeth. “Can you give me a ride to work, Cardan?”

“I thought you hated me,” he said coyly, crossing his arms and leaning back against the doorway.

“Cardan, come on,” her eyes flicked to the clock. She had to be there in fifteen minutes.

“Wait, let me just savor this a little bit. Jude Duarte, begging for my help.”

“Cardan, I’m going to be late. Is it a yes or a no?”

“I’ll take you, but only if you come to one of my parties.”

Jude blinked. This had to be some sort of trick. “You want me to come to one of your parties?”

Cardan and his group of friends were notorious around the school for the parties they threw. From what she’d heard, they were typical high school parties, filled with bored kids that wanted to get drunk. Her first and only experience at a high school party had involved her awkwardly hiding out in the kitchen eating snacks while a couple made out against the fridge, and it was safe to say she wasn’t looking for a repeat of that incident. But she was desperate.

“Fine, I’ll go to your dumb party. Let’s go already.”

Jude grabbed her phone and wallet before walking to the door.

Cardan held it open for her, grinning a little too wide. “After you, my lady.”

Something told her this would come back to haunt her in the future.

Here’s chapter two!! Let me know what you think :) I’ll hopefully be faster with the updates from here on out because I finished outlining and have most of the next chapter already written so I’ll probably post that within a week. Hopefully. Again, thanks for reading! Your comments on the first chapter made my week <3

Tagging: (Bolded tags didn’t work. I don’t know why, it might be your settings or just tumblr acting up, but I’ll tag you in the comments for now! If I forgot to tag you our messed something up, just send me an ask and I’ll fix it as soon as I can!)

@jurdan7 @cardan-greenbriar-tcp  @amoosewithflannelforfur @aneuwin @mercrutiodidntdieforthis @hizqueen4life @mi-mavencalories @simonelovesff @b00kworm @nope-has-lied @andromeddea @aesthetics-11 @queen-of-glass @runnybabbit9  @afexiss @the-keen-queen @yesimtheslytherinwitch @fizziefaerie @abigneignenn @storiesandschemes @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @words-of-the-wise  @thedazzlingheights @magicalbookwyvern @kittkatandbooboo @queen-of-no1 @iminsanenotobsessed  

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged!! <3

[agentsofsupernaturalmarvel]

Full Moon // HSMTMTS

IN WHICH: Reader moved from Beacon HIlls, California to Salt Lake City, Utah following the public described animal attacks. Struggling without your alpha your forced to restrain yourself in your basement, until your secret is revealed to two teens.

Characters: Reader x Ricky Bowen (Future relationship), platonic!reader x platonic!Big red, and Nini Salazar-Roberts (mentioned)

Words: 1.9k

Warnings: Swearing, violence, fluff, angst and mentions of death

A/N: This has been bugging me for weeks to do a crossover with High School Musical: The Musical: The Series and Teen Wolf. I thought I’d get it down to stop the aggravating urge to write it. This is post!season one where Ricky and Nini do not get together so there is a potention future for Ricky and Reader.

YOU CAN REQUEST FROM ME AS WELL!

Masterlist

Junior year honestly sucked for the teenager from the greater population the general area along with the school. You had moved to Utah from California in the middle of summer when life had calmed down in your hometown. During the crises you faced with your friends you had desired for normalcy, once achieving it, life was boring. You looked over your shoulder at everything, and it took ages to get close to someone, thanks to firstly Ms. Blake.

“Hey.” You glanced over your shoulder to see that your chemistry lab partner was standing behind you. You sent a smile to him with a gleam in your eye.

“Hey, Red.” You spoke closing your locker door to give Red your upmost attention focusing on his instead of the sounds that were louder than usual.

Red was the first person you made friends with when you moved and often you were the listening ear for the drama he was forced to endure. His best friend, someone you hadn’t fully met, had dragged him into the mess of what the fall musical had been. The mission didn’t end the way his best friend had wanted, but he made peace with his ex-girlfriend enough to be friends.

“I’m having a movie night with Ash, Ricky and some other kids. Do you want to come over?” Red asked with a hopeful smile. You fully shipped Red with his unofficial girlfriend Ashlyn since you first saw the pining looks.

“I’m not sure.” You half-smiled feeling bad at his falling expression, but what could you do? It was a full moon without the help of your friends. Without your alpha.

Taking it back the main reason it sucked having moved was that you had practically turned into an omega. Not really given that as a werefox your type was more prone to be a lone wolf for lack of a better description.

“Come on! You have to meet Ricky. You would get along so well.” Red pleaded as he bounced on the balls of his feet. You blinked at the excitement in his eyes given he had been unsuccessful in getting you to join them for a mass of reasons.

“It’s just not a good day-“

“One movie? I’ll buy you a smoothie every day for a week.”

Now had you been in the same vicinity of your pack you would have easily said no or been dragged away but not this time. Could be the full moon’s affecting you, but you quickly gave in to Red with little regret. Besides you were confident, you could control yourself with the possible chance of revealing that world.

The rest of the day passed moderately okay with little issues other than growling under your breath as EJ made a stupid comment about Big Red. It had gained you a look of confusion from the water polo player.

That confidence should have been the realization to not go and instead somehow chain yourself in your basement. Which you managed to do with a bunch of trouble, growls burst from your lips. Eyes a vibrant, glowing silver and sharp fangs barred you viciously pulled on your chains.

“Hi Mrs. Y/L/N!” The voice of Big Red spoke following the door to the house opening.

Mrs. Y/L/N had opened the door to see Big Red along with a taller boy with brown curls on his head. Her smile made its appearance as the sight of two teenagers she hoped was helping you transition.

“Red! How are you?”

“I’m okay. Ricky and I were worried about Y/N.” Red spoke, tapping his shoe on the ground in nervous energy, “She didn’t show up at movie night, I’ve called her with no response.”

“She’s downstairs. I’m on my way out at the moment but feel free to hang around.” Mrs. Y/LN spoke, sliding her spring jacket onto her shoulders while stepping into her black sneakers.

Meanwhile downstairs you panted as a leather cuff let out a concerning ripping noise that would have worried Scott and Stiles. The two boys that had called earlier in the day to check up on you despite the issues following the sacrifices they did.

“GO AWAY!” You snarled up the stairs as the basement door opened with a loud creak to your sensitive ears. Ears that had formed into cones with a pointed tip.

Ricky ran directly into his best friend’s back at sight in front of them, the new girl was chained to a wall in the corner was you. The new girl that Ricky had noticed from the moment he saw you talking with Big Red. The new girl that had silver eyes with specks of glowing green, fangs and cat ears. It was something Ricky only saw in films.

“Oh my god. What the hell?” Big Red spluttered flinching as you snarled louder at them, “Are you filming a video?”

“Leave! These are going to break, and I’m going to eat you!” You growled thrashing in the chains to get free. You could hear the blood in their fast-beating hearts, and it frustrated you. You wanted to feel their bones crush in your mouth, “I’m to break your bones with my teeth!”

Ricky and Big Red didn’t really believe it until the distinct snap of a chain made its self-known when you stumbled. The split leather still on your wrists but the chain was hanging off the beam. With fervour, you lunged for the redhead lab partner you had. It was Ricky that grasped your wrists to keep them firm, claws millimetres from his flesh.

“Calm down!” Ricky shouted, stumbling at the strength you displayed. You broke free, and fangs were inches from ripping his throat out when you released a gasp and fell into a slump.

Shaking in fear Big Red gasped dropping the aluminium bat he had found in a storage bin, both boys gulped.

 “What the fuck just happened.” Ricky breathed wiping the bead of blood from where Y/N’s forefinger’s claw had embedded itself. The red was indicating that whatever happening to the girl was real and very much, not in the movies.

“A werewolf?” Big Red emphasized staring at his new friend in shock and confusion, “Am I dreaming? Actually, did I kill her?”

Ricky shrugged bending down to inspect the unconscious girl frowning at the constant buzzing of the phone on the counter. Red recognized it as your phone, but the name was unfamiliar. Taking a change, Red answered the video call nervously.

“Oh, thank god! Thought you lost control and mauled some per -“ The mole speckled teen broke his words as he did not see you but a short redhaired boy. Stiles’ eyes flicked behind the redhead to see a much taller brunette wincing at a small wound on his wrist, “Oh god. SCOTT!”

“What?” A Hispanic teen showed up on the call to stutter as he noticed that Stiles was videoing people he didn’t know, “Hi, I’m Scott. This is Stiles.”

“Ricky and Big Red.” Ricky spoke frowning at the duo, “I’m guessing you know about Y/N’s state? That was real? She’s a werewolf?”

 Stiles pinched the bridge of his nose, “Are you hurt? Where is she?”

Without answering, Ricky tilted the phone to show that the teenage girl was resting unmoving on the ground. The significant rise and fall of her chest, soothing the worries of all the teens conscious.

“Okay. Hopefully, she has been out cold for a while.” Stiles muttered to himself. The duo broke into an explanation and answered the questions Ricky and Red had.

As the clock struck midnight, Ricky and Red had followed the directions Scott and Stiles had given them by chaining the girl back up. Chained tighter and each holding a weapon, they kept their eyes on the girl, tensing as she groaned in pain.

“W-what happened?” You slurred blinking your eyes open; first, you met the nervous gaze of Big Red before Ricky’s look of disbelief.

“Werewolf.” Red muttered, shaking his head, taking in the now human features you had, “Werewolves are real?”

 “Among other things.” You retorted sitting up to rub your head only feeling the moon’s pull a little versus earlier. Your eyes met the scared ones, “The supernatural exists and had you not found me…you wouldn’t know, and I wouldn’t have killed a lot of people. And I’m not a werewolf.”

“Then, what are you?” Ricky questioned this time lowering the bat into a non-threatening position because other than joining the fall musical last semester this is the weirdest shit he found himself in.

“I’m a bitten werefox.” You admitted shifting to sit crisscross on the ground in front of the couch. Each boy raised a simple eyebrow, “Okay, it all started the sophomore year with my best friends Stiles and Scott.”

One Year Ago

You hummed a tune running a hand along the spines of the books you had read; you had spent the last hour reorganizing them. You split them into firstly two main categories of what you had read and haven’t read just yet. Within those categories, you had decided to organize by series and author names. It brought a sense of euphoria to see the newly bookshelf set up and correctly done.

You turned on your heel to grab a clean pair of pyjamas, consisting of shorts and t-shirt to wear after a shower. It was getting late, and with school tomorrow it was a big day as one of your best friends Scott was adamant he would make first-line despite his severe asthma. That and you had a meeting with your history project partners to nail down ideas.

Your plan was disrupted when a knock on your door sounded and just by the kind and volume you knew immediately who it was. Opening the bedroom door, you saw that Stiles was standing there with a goofy smile as usual.

“Oh, god. What you want now.” You questioned just because that smile was usual the prerequisite before trouble.

“So, wanna go for a hike?” Stiles questioned, crossing his arms over his chest. Your eyebrows raised in response to his question.

“You wanna hike in the woods at ten o’clock at night? What’s the real reason.”

“My Dad is out, and we’re going to find a dead body!” Stiles exclaimed with a sizeable infectious grin that easily swayed you more than you liked to admit.

“Seriously? Why can’t you take Scott.”

“We are. Scott's in the jeep.” Stiles chuckled, shaking his head, “Do you really think I would leave him out of the fun?”

Of course, he thought dead body hunting was a fun hobby to do. 

That night changed everything. It set you on a path of violence just because Peter Hale decided to finally enact his revenge for the fire that placed him in the hospital unable to move but cognizant. He bit Scott and later just before Jackson and Stiles threw Molotov cocktails lighting him on fire, he kidnapped you and bit you at the Hale house.

In the present, you explained the months after Scott was bitten, including being hunted in the high school at night. Even up to a human-sized lizard killing under the orders of its master. Lastly, you described living through the hell of a Darach sacrificing people left, right and centre to defeat a murderous Alpha pack.

“Am I high?” Ricky questioned blinking at every word that fell out of the pretty girl’s lips, lips that had been barred revealing sharp fangs.

“You wish.” You snorted at the teenage boys, each sinking into the realization that what they had believed to be entertainment was very much real. Now they wondered if anyone they knew were part of that world, “You have to keep this quiet.”

Big Red and Ricky both nodded thus creating a trio similar to what it had been with Scott and Stiles. Hopefully with these two you wouldn’t have a similar history as you did with the supernatural in Beacon Hills.

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I can make a part 2 if wanted as well!

[knoxhq]

► ( rudy pankow & cis male ) according to the school’s records, knox drury is a 22-YEAR-OLD senior studying political science, and he lives over in moriarty. he is a gemini, so that must be why others describe him as dignified, humorous, cowardly and naive. when i see him, i’m reminded of walking into class an hour late with sunglasses on, the feeling of anticipation as you wait for a firework to fully blossom, the sound of party music leaking through the walls of a bathroom. ( gibby, 20, they/them, est. ) ◄

hello everyone !! so i won’t even lie to u guys, i am NERVOUS and it’s literally only bc this is the first group i’ve joined in so long like dfdhkjsfjad the last group i was in was almost a year ago but i ended up having to leave due to personal reasons and didn’t get to write so like !!! idk i’m excited !! anyways w that in mind, pls bARE with me bc i have like one (1) braincell and i forgot how to write intros. anyways enough of me rambling, lemme give you knox !!

also this is a bad intro pls dont judge me im trying 2 like. rewrite what i had b4 the storm took it out n like, i lost the braincell

basics. 

full name: knox hale drury.

nicknames: drury.

age: twenty two.

gender and pronouns: cis male and he/him

sexual & romantic orientations: bisexual, biromantic, femme leaning.

major: political science.

housing: moriarty.

backstory.

triggers: implied bullying, police and incarceration ( dw i didn’t make him jj 2.0 ).

nobody gets to pick their beginnings. it’s something that people tell knox all the time, hell, it’s plastered in every stupid coming of age movie, book, film, everything he’s ever seen. you don’t pick who your born into, you don’t pick who you get to be. and to an extent, he does think that this is true but he can’t help but wonder if maybe, if people could pick, if they’d pick differently. because he knows he certainly would pick differently.

it’s not that he even came from a bad home - hell no, he had the most loving family ever. his mother was a saint, a warm sensation bubbling up in his chest when he thinks about her warm cookies or the way she tried to still tuck him in even as a teenager. his father had his flaws, we all do, but he was a good and honest man. hardworking, he showed knox what that stupid american dream is that everyone likes to preach about. 

no, it had nothing to do with them but rather the overall opinion on him and his family. see, the drury’s weren’t well liked - they were seen as lowlives and as shady, the kind of people who you’d only go to if you wanted to get stabbed in the back. generations of drury’s fit this narrative but no, his father was determined to change that. and so was he, even if nobody around him seemed to want to give him a chance. 

knox would go throughout school with this name attached to him like a dagger to his throat - whisperings in the hallway of, “oh, my mom said the drury boy might be steal things if you let him over,” and other random, rude remarks. of course, the people that get close to him know better - they see him for who he really is.

that person is knox. he’s a golden light, often more selfless than the rich pricks who run that small town. he’d give his jacket or umbrella to people even if they didn’t ask if it just so happened to be raining outside, and despite the fact that his family didn’t have a lot, he’d still go out of his way to try to give when he could. 

he eventually graduated high school - one of the top people in his class due to his father’s encouragement, and after a lot of debate, settled on attending haddon university - miles away from that sweet, small little hometown he knew, but a fresh start where he didn’t have to work for anything. he could just go in being him, with nobody attaching a new narrative to him. it was what he wanted, what he dreamed of.

and he loved it. his first semester there was memorable as he found himself surrounded by new friends and people he even considered family. back home, however, things were slipping.

the drury family was never rich, ever by any means, but business was low. nobody wanted to go there, fearing that his father was just as shady as his grandfather. as things got worse, his father had to resort to other needs - stealing, lying about taxes, and doing everything he could to try to make it by. 

it finally caught up to him when knox came home for spring break - red and blue lights flashing outside as loud noises went on throughout the house, until finally someone swung knox’s door open and briefly blinded him with a flashlight, demanding to know where his father was. by the time knox got a grasp on the situation, his father was being rushed off in the back of a cop car. 

he plead guilty almost immediately and for the next few months, knox did school from home to stay with his mother. it was then that he switched his major from what had initially been just a vague, business degree to political science in hopes of going into law after getting that degree - a way of changing things, of helping people so they never got to that point. 

for now though, he’s gone back to haddon’s campus where he study’s away and occasionally finds himself slipping and partying, glasses always covering his eyes as he slinks back class, getting almost nO sleep every night.

study.

so i need u to know right now... knox is baby, FDSHJDFSHAJK

like he’s not by any means like he’s kinda a gross dude like, absolutely randomly burps n is like lol oops n shit, very little manners, will grab clothes off of the floor to put them on kind of man BUT LIKE as a whole ?? he means very well FDSJFAHJ he’s very gentle and will sit there and admire flowers on a bush and then get mad if u pick one bc ur hurting it like. he’s baby.

he also is very loyal to the ppl he’s friends w tbh like. damn he will never leave ur side

that also makes him kinda... super, actually, naive. you see, while knox is incredibly loyal, he often finds himself ignoring signs of toxicity for the sake of preserving a friendship - he fights for people who won’t fight for him, he lets people back in too easily, he just. he sees the good in everyone, even if there isn’t any good.

regardless, he’s not easy to just... manipulate to an extent. while he’ll fall for you being innocent, you can’t ever try to make him think he’s something he’s not - he knows his intentions and he knows they’re usually pure and he’s not gonna fold for anyone if it comes down to him or them. 

bt like again he’s baby

like i dont think he ever gets mad but damn when he does its probs scary as shit like bc he nEVER gets mad !!! hes like. a golden retriever ig

if u cannot tell im trying really hard not to make him too much like jj bc i realize that might be a big thing ppl do n i dont think jj is baby bt like. knox? knox is baby DSFHJKFDHKJ 

he’s just. idk. he’s very protective and cares about his friends a lot and will walk you home even if you went to HIS place and like is always ready to give you a jacket if it’s raining and he’s just lowkey a big, kinda dumb at times, teddy bear and i think that’s valid tyvm 

wanted connections.

friends. — please. knox will lOVE ur muses just let him be their friend tyvm plus he’s a bit of a social butterfly now and i think he’d honestly have a lot of friends.

best friend. — i’m gonna keep this to one muse bc idk i think it’d be really cute if knox got to have his own like, ride or die where they care abt him as much as he cares about them and they’re always there for each other and like !!! that’s cute !!! also found family trope bc i think that is.. again, kyoot, ty

frienemies. — so these are always like, super fun to plot out and i think there’s a lot to work w here... like give me ppl who are happy that knox is loyal and would defend them but would push knox to the side n not do the same for him... also friendships where knox fucked up ?? where knox, despite his goodness, couldn’t keep his mouth shut and revealed a secret to their friend group bc u see he can kinda be a gossip fsjfdaskj. idk there’s a lot u can do n i’d love to brainstorm!

enemies. — pls. like. we can brainstorm this too so i dont just ramble but pLEASE?? please.

flings. — honestly romantic ships are not the point of rps but romantic flings and stuff can be really fun to plot and i love getting soft about them so like ?? idk dude lets fling it up n have muses date for two weeks n then break up like thats swexi, dramatic, 10/10

exes. — i mean this is kind of like flings but i have an idea... give me an ex of knox’s who really was like. everything knox wanted. hell, the two had a really good relationship - they were in love and etc etc gushy details but they ended up breaking up bc they just. they weren’t meant to be! as sad as it is like it was as simple as that! and then the angst comes in after they break up bc god they still love each other so much but they just aren’t meant to be and they see them with other people and oh it just hurts but like, bonus points if they manage to become good friends even after this !! (sidenote, idk i wouldn’t want this to be a full ship tht gets back together bc idk i think there’s a bittersweetness in stuff like this n its just. like. its ok !!! idk !!! )

roommates. — and they were roomates- fdshjkfdsahjk

other things. — honestly these are half assed plots but i’m down for anything !!! i’m still fleshing out knox a lil too bc i really did make him on the spot so pls bare w me :)

[chvmberlain]

whaddup it’s ur fave admin emily ( i’m legally required to be ur fave it’s part of being in the rp ) & here comes ur fave sinnamon roll... MONTY CHAMBERLAIN ! i’m shocked he’s still around on account of being the most annoying ever.

BACKGROUND ! tw for death & car accident.

little mr richie rich, first born son of triplets ( yes, triplets ) & was always regarded as the golden boy heir to his parents’ socialite ways & his dad’s many investments

carina & quincy, his fellow triplets, were his absolute bffs and the three of them did everything together

his parents were always a little distant, busy with, like, rich people parties and stuff. they only doted on the triplets when they were brought out to be shown off to their friends and then sent them right back w the nannies :/

monty was diagnosed with dyslexia pretty young, which is like... not a big deal at all, but his parents viewed him as Defective and Bad for it. instead of actually being there for their son, they just threw money at specialists to deal with The Problem & called it a day

here’s where carina & quincy come in ! the triplets were determined to be there for monty when their parents weren’t, and they did a pretty good job of it. eventually, they all went to monty’s specialist as a group, and learned exercises and activities to help him. 

when he ended up also being diagnosed w dyscalculia, the kids adapted like it was no big deal. meanwhile, monty’s dad didn’t even bother to show up to the meeting 

as they grew up, the triplets started making more of a splash at their parents’ parties, vibrant and beautiful whenever they made an appearance. they caught attention and held it, and when monty’s dad noticed this, he decided to take advantage of it

he asked monty to distract a fellow businessman for him, telling him to keep the man occupied as he talked to the chairman of his company’s board. monty, at that point still in the phase of his life where he wanted his father’s approval, eagerly agreed. he managed to hold the man’s attention long enough for his father to buy out his company from underneath him — and so began his career, long before bishop ever entered the picture

he only got better at it as his father pulled him into his schemes again and again, a charming young man capable of talking circles around anyone who’d listen ( and when monty smiled and opened his mouth, everyone would listen. he was magnetic )

the triplets remained joined at the hip over the years, all the way up until college, when they separated for the first time — carina went to harvard, quincy to princeton, and monty to yale. it was rough to adapt at first, but they called each other often to keep in touch

freshman year came & went, and the triplets were shipped off to their summer home in spain for their birthday at the end of july. each of them received a brand new car for their 19th, and monty won the game of rock paper scissors to determine that he was the first to take his new ride for a spin

on the drive, it started to rain, he took a turn too fast on the side of a hill — by the time he woke up from the crash, there was nothing monty and carina could do, pinned in place by the wreck. quincy died a couple hours later right in front of them, and it devastated monty & carina

though carina went back to school at the end of the summer, monty took a semester off, barely able to get out of bed, much less go to class. a semester turned into a year, and after a year... he stopped answering yale’s calls, letting his education fall by the wayside

he dove back into the game he’d always played on his father’s behalf, showing little remorse for what he was doing. he drifted farther away from carina, which is :/

until he got RECRUITED !

for the first time in a long time, monty feels like he has a purpose beyond fucking people over when his dad points and clicks. though he has yet to repair his relationship with carina, he feels like he’s found a sense of family again, and he’s really soft abt it okay

he’s Loud, talks a lot, thinks he’s hot shit, but also... is pretty charismatic ngl. a wiz with words, if u will. has a string of lovers and makes lots of friends who never seem to really get to know him bc he’s chasing that sense of #connection

angsty sad boy who doesn’t really know who he is :/ can’t have it all ig

it’s important to me that u know he currently owns an expensive pink house in new orleans. yes. pink. he regularly hosts pool parties there for the group, so do with that what u will. striker calls it the barbie dream house and that is absolutely 100% accurate

HEIST SKILLS !

DECEPTION & MANIPULATION: can lie like his life depends on it. he’s spent, like, a decade crafting elaborate lies to manipulate people into doing what he / his dad wants, so he’s pretty damn good at it

can also craft elaborate false identities for himself, including speaking other languages w flawless accents if the situation calls for it ( he grew up speaking english / spanish / french bc of his parents but also has others in his repertoire )

DISTRACTION: extension of above tbh but he’s fantastic w/distracting guards, employees, random passersby, etc bc he can make so much shit up on the spot. he’s also generally just persuasive and charming so people tend to listen to him when he opens his mouth

could probably also make a molotov cocktail if the situation called for it. distraction at all costs am i right

SEDUCTION: i mean.................................... it happens

MEMORY: homie regularly memorized guest lists for his parents’ parties & basically never forgets a name or face. don’t ask him to memorize the capitals of the 50 states or anything, but if it’s regarding people... he’s got that shit on lockdown

that’s all for now love u all xoxo

[spiffysixxsense]

Hello annoying best friend here to fulfill my duty by asking you to answer all of the cute asks

angel; do you have a nickname?

not really. my name is already short and I don't have a prominent quality to nickname me after. The only person who refers to me as anything other than my name is my boyfriend, but I don't think “babe/baby” really counts as a nickname lol

awe; how old are you?

24

baby; favorite color?

dark teal (blue-green? I've never found a good name for my favorite color)

bloop; spirit animal?

so because I didn't have a good answer for this, I decided to google a quiz to find out, lol. My answer was a deer. here's why;

When you have the deer as spirit animal, you are highly sensitive and have a strong intuition. By affinity with this animal, you have the power to deal with challenges with grace. You master the art of being both determined and gentle in your approach.

The deer totem wisdom imparts those with a special connection with this animal with the ability to be vigilant, move quickly, and trust their instincts to get out the trickiest situations

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

i don't really have a favorite book, i don't read much outside of school (I wish i did)

movie: A Beautiful Mind

song: oh dear lord i cannot pick just one, but all-time favorite band of mine is Shinedown

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

a little stuffed dog that looked like Kipper from the TV show, I still have him :)

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

lmao what came to mind was when i pledged to never drink, smoke, or say bad words. two out of fucking three ain't bad i guess. 

bright; mermaids or fairies?

(honestly neither but) fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

given the asker, i would say yes :) also i am lame and my boyfriend is also my best friend 

buttercup; showers or baths?

S H O W E R S. hate baths!

butterfly; dream destination?

I've never had a huge desire to travel honestly. like sure i could say Italy or Greece look beautiful, but the actual act of traveling overseas really stresses me out lol. so i would have to say more like upper midwest, like Maine, in the fall time for all the pretty trees.

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

i am neither

calm; favorite scent?

anything fruity - pineapple, mango, berries, apples. at least in terms of what candles i like lol.

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i do not remember anything from last night - the last dream i remember involved my boyfriend, dad and i being lost up north lol

charming; have you ever been in love?

currently 

cozy; eye/hair color?

hazel / brunette 

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the 1970′s for the fashion

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

love me a good succulent

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

well this last birthday was amidst quarantine, so I got some candles and granola (my boyfriend knows me well lol)

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

i have no idea? what an odd question? probably some stuffed animal?

cutsie; what makes you happy?

picnics, alone time, my boyfriend, my cat choosing to cuddle with me.

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

I really cant think of a time I've ever felt truly free. maybe when i drove myself to school earlier this year & didn't have to wait for someone to pick me up? 

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

as a light in others lives. happy, bubbly. things i currently am not

daylight; favorite album of all time?

gosh these dang music questions. well, Nickelback - All the Right Reasons was the first album i ever bought myself. then maybe Shinedown - The Sound of Madness (i cant pick one OKAY)

dear; zodiac sign?

Taurus 

delightful; concerts or museums?

concerts

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes? this question makes me feel old, lol. 

dobby; dream job?

criminologist. some way to be reducing the mass incarceration rate in the US. 

doll; how do you like to dress?

comfy, v necks and leggings. As i have gotten older i have slowly wanted to be more feminine i think, because i really want some sundresses for summer lol

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

one! when i was 12ish, i swear i saw a reflection of a uniformed man (like old school soldier uniform - blue blazer with gold cufflinks) behind me in the glass of my snakes tank at the time. it was weird because the only reason i even looked that way was because my snake started shaking his tail against the glass, something that corn snakes do when they are scared, but also something that in his entire life had never done unprompted ever. 

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

want yes, have no

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

100%. no way we are alone in this universe

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

he makes my days so much better :)

fairy; do you have a pet?

I have one little old kitty :)

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

to vacation, ocean. to live, mountain

forever; where do you feel time stop?

the secretary of state? lol

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

I've never owned a plant lol

garden; how many languages do you know?

one :(

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

@cy-ne-fin 

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

sepia photography/old books that have yellowed into sepia. or fresh greenery on white marble. 

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

i don't really get any anymore, but as long as they are nice or just questions/venting, im down. don't be offended if i never answer though, for some reason i never get Tumblr notifications lol

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

im compassionate

im empathetic (which is similar but im struggling to get to 5 lol)

im goal-oriented

im determined (once i have said goal. again, related lol) 

i guess i like my lips/lip shape

heart; silk or lace?

lace

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

tea. iced, black or green really, with sugar. 

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

bird watching because it means i am probably alone and in nature as opposed to somewhere in a crowd of people. and i wont feel creepy for watching the birds lol

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

white noise, a fan running. if that's not enough, i enjoy asmr. if i am really struggling/having anxiety, i will look up sleep stories from the headspace app on youtube (life hack to not have to pay for the app lol)

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

to be outside, i enjoy just warm enough to be comfy in pants and a t-shirt (so like 65F-ish) and sunny.To be inside, i love when it is cooler (like 50F?) and raining. I love the look, sound, and smell of rain but it is usually just inconvenient to be in. 

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

well now all days are the same for me, #quarantine, so the same thing i do every day, just about nothing, lol

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i guess laugh loudly because i am a loud person in general. i have a deep voice

kinky; do you blush easily?

i don't think so, my embarrassment turns into sweat, not blush, lmao

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

i guess being proposed to someday? but i don't have a certain dream way of it happening, just the fact that its happening is enough for me lol. id enjoy if someone (cough Elle or also maybe Michael lol) were secretly filming and/or taking photos of it? I am not sure how you'd manage that though

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

late at night when everything is quiet

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

old school three days grace (one-x album in particular)

love; what is your favorite season and why?

i always gravitate to fall for the leaves and pumpkin patches. but honestly, i think my favorite season is spring. i love the newly budding trees and flowers, the feeling of renewal, the release from the horrible Michigan winter lol, but most importantly, spring time for my whole life as of yet has always meant that school is over for the semester! as opposed to the fall when the semester starts. this is very long winded but spring final answer lol

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

I've never had a macaron and blue moon ice cream 

magic; what are five flaws you have?

ooooo boy

im short tempered/angry too much 

im unmotivated (which is confusing maybe because i said i am determined earlier. you see, once i HAVE a goal i feel determined to finish it. but i am unmotivated to create said goals, lol) 

im nonconfrontational to a fault where i always put others’ feelings before my own

i let fear of change stop me from ever taking risks/ am anxious

i am stubborn and sometimes have a hard time admitting i am wrong

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

this depends - screw pastels. warm neutrals for makeup purposes, but cool darks for aesthetic or decor purposes

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

someone who feels like home. I am not entirely sure how else to explain that. you just feel peace and content with them. 

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

something that allows you to only be with your date - so like a picnic or hike or just a walk even. my boyfriend and i liked to walk around in the fall for me to take pictures of leaves while he played pokemon go (man i miss the pokemon go summer and i have never even PLAYED it, it was just so fun to be with him while he played)

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

on youtube usually

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. if your family is toxic for whatever reason, you do not owe them your time strictly because they are family. 

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook, im not super into sweets & i want to enjoy the final product

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

normal? like its legible but its not pretty or cute

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

no:( wish i could play bass or drums

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

i don't :)

i really don't have an answer other than solving whatever is stressing me out, lol. i wish i had more mechanisms to calm me down but nothing i have tried has ever really worked

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

you know these favorites questions are hard for me lol. right now, i am loving watermelon, but i also love most fruits. kiwis! vegetable, i feel like i have to say potato lol

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

lol the last thing i read had to be some academic text, so that's boring

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

meeting Alex i guess, it changes my whole life path to have someone you want to do life with 

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

quarantine? lol

shine; art or music?

music is art.

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

i think so. Elle’s dog griffin loves me for some reason lol

smitten; do you collect anything?

not really

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

4

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

jolly ranchers 

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

nope

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

nope

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

headphones

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

Spongebob probably. unless we are talking like really tiny, toddler age, then Winnie the pooh

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

i live in a 2 bedroom apartment, there arent any spots. lol. my bed i guess

soothe; digital or vinyl?

i mean digital for convenience but vinyl for aesthetic 

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

i mean the only person i really actively miss ever is Alex. @cy-ne-fin sometimes, but i have also grown used to living away from each other

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyalty, honesty, & humor

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

if i must pick, practical. 

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

absolutely not. i feel like a burden with my feelings even though i shouldn't 

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

honestly not really. am on the fence still about ever having any 

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

not really

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

i am as average as they come man, nothing is unique about me lol

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

like a background friend? like i am not very social, so we do not have to talk every day to be friends. so like im here if you need me, but i enjoy alone time. 

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

the way my boyfriend looks at me, & as i was working on this my cat came to cuddle, which i gave as an answer earlier before he jumped up here :)

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

night owlllllll

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

the power to heal those who are hurting (including myself)

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home home home home

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

not anymore, i did in high school/early college years. not I've stopped caring

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

messy? kinda in the middle really. 

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

my state, sure. my city in particular is definitely pretty boring

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

I've never seen one :(

[biopsychs]

What I Learned From University (2nd Year)

See what I learned in first year here

Adjust how you study → I have a different study method for each class. Even if the content is similar to another class or you’ve had the prof before, you have to personalize your learning.

You can skip class sometimes → My introductory microbiology class was the worst class I’ve ever taken and I love microbiology. The prof sucked and I found I could just catch up on notes on the bus and have extra time to sleep in. I rarely skip class but I realized my time was much better spent working on other things. Only skip classes if catching up on notes is more efficient/a better use of your time than actually going to lectures. Also, don’t be afraid to take a day off (when you can) if your mental or physical health is suffering.

Group projects suck → I knew this already but nothing could have prepared me for what I had to deal with in my one semester long research methods class. I wish I had talked to my TA  or prof earlier to explain what was going on and how I could fix it. (Side note: Use Google docs for group projects!)

Mentoring programs are a great thing to be involved in → I got involved with a mentoring program for women in stem at my university and it has been such a valuable experience! I have access and connections to upper year students and women working in academia and industry who are there to provide help and guidance. My only regret is that I was too timid to ask for help at the start -- take advantage of the opportunities you have!

Get larger projects like reports and essays done as soon as you get them → My organic chemistry lab reports always took so long to write so I would delay working on them. However, I eventually got into a routine of finishing my lab report (or at least 95% of my report) on weekends (my labs were on Fridays) and it made my life so much easier! Just get it done and you won’t have the looming stress of a big project or report hanging over you.

Go to social events on and off campus → You can be social in so many different ways at university! Find something you’re comfortable with or go just outside your comfort zone. I went to a pizza party for psych majors and it was chill. I also went to a pubcrawl and it was so much fun. If you’re hesitant, drag a friend along the first time but make sure you talk to new people!

Apply for summer jobs early → Lots of good summer jobs for university students are posted early! I check my university’s job board and also look for jobs that are meant for students (where I live the government will provide funding for summer students to certain organizations). Make sure you send in your applications in as soon as possible too! Even if the deadline to apply is in two weeks, some places will get in touch with applicants (and could potentially hire someone) before that deadline. Find out if your uni has a career advising office (or something like that) and check it out, if you need help with resumes, cover letters, interviews, etc.

Leave your options open  → If you’re unsure about your major or career path, leave your options open as much as you can! Use the time you have now to explore what you really like. Last year I made the decision to do a double major in biology and psychology, because I wanted to go to med school but also wanted to leave the option of research (in bio or psych) open. Now, I’ve decided to major in psych and minor in bio, with the intent to pursue clinical psychology. I took classes and got research experience that helped me make an informed decision about what I really like and want to do.

Get involved in research and use your connections → Get research experience as early as possible. This will help you figure out if you actually want to pursue research or not, and will be so helpful with applications if you end in a position where you’re doing your own research! I have found it much easier to get involved with research by having connections (like talking to a prof, grad student, or upper year undergrad student who is already involved with a lab) rather than sending out cold emails to profs and hoping they’ll reply. If you are sending an email to a prof/lab you don’t have any connections to, make sure your personalize it -- mention any prior experience you have and why you’re interested in that lab specifically.

Check your email constantly → As a general rule, you can never check your email too much. Make an effort to reply to emails as soon as you get them, because otherwise you might forget about them. In general, reply to emails within 24 hours anyways.

Take a summer class → I took a summer class on the psychology of motivation and it was totally worth it. I knew I would have to take a summer class at one point and I knew I would prefer to do it earlier in my degree (taking a summer class in my last year does not sound like fun). It was refreshing to see how well I could do when one class was my only priority and I was able to learn/retain the content so much better. It was also nice that I was able to take an upper level course (my previous psych courses had been only 1st or 2nd year level) by itself so I could get used to the increased demands. One thing to note is that summer classes go by really quickly (in my case 3 lectures were equivalent to 3 weeks of classes) so make sure you’re keeping up with the material.

Find your optimal level of stress → One thing I learned in my motivation class is that we all have an optimal level of stress. Think of it as an inverted U shape, with performance on the y axis and stress on the x axis. The highest point, the top of the U, is your optimal level of stress, where stress is helping you perform to the best of your ability. If you move past that point (either less stress or more stress) your performance is going to decrease. If your stress levels are high and anxiety-causing your performance is going to suffer. I found my optimal level of stress when I was studying for my first motivation midterm -- I was cramming the night before but because I had no other pressing responsibilities (like 4 other classes) I was able to feel stressed without feeling panic or test anxiety also. Find your optimal level of stress and see how well you perform. Remember that feeling when your stress levels are rising so you have a baseline to get back to.

Don’t get stuck as “premed” → Being premed is completely okay but don’t close yourself off from other options. I know so many people who are premeds and are also biochemistry majors. Some of these people don’t even like biochemistry but stick with it because they think it will make their application look better. Please study something you’re actually interested in. Med school is a great option but just make sure you have a plan B (and a degree that is going to suit this plan B). I know someone who graduated with their biochemistry degree and regretted it -- by the end of their degree, their plan was no longer med school and they wished they had done a general biology degree, w classes they liked, while taking a few biochem classes they liked. I used to consider myself premed but I realized clinical psychology is a much better fit for what I actually like/am good at. Just make sure you want to be a doctor for the right reasons is all I’m saying.

Morning classes are actually kind of okay → Everyone talks about how bad morning classes are, but I actually prefer them. I have a hard time paying attention in later classes and it’s really nice to have all my classes done by mid-day. Just make sure you keep a regular sleep schedule (i.e. try to go to bed/ wake up at reasonably early times so your body can recover better on the nights where you get less sleep) 

Always come prepared → This applies for so many things. Bring a snack, don’t forget your charger, do your readings. You’re never going to regret being prepared but you may regret not being prepared.

Be ready to register for classes → Know your time and date to register for classes and be ready to click register right at that time! I always make multiple schedules b/c often the lab times or classes I want to take are full. If a class is full, make sure you know what to do. Register on the waitlist. If there isn’t a waitlist, find out who you need to talk to (usually the prof or department head). Check back a few times a week to see if spots open up in classes, because a lot of people change their schedule. Don’t wait to talk to an academic advisor if you’re not sure which classes to take or have any concerns.

Quizlet is a blessing  → Quizlet is an app/website that lets you make flashcards and view other people’s flashcard sets. Study flashcards while you’re waiting in line for coffee or on the bus. You may also be able to find flashcards from people who took the same class as you -- use those! If you make your own flashcards be a nice person and share them with your friends :)

A bad grade is not the end of the world → In one class I got 35% on my first midterm and never managed to get a midterm grade higher than 68%. I was absolutely destroyed when I saw that mark on my first midterm and was ready to give up. Please don’t give up! I talked to my prof and was able to have my other midterms weighted more and I used my lab reports to bring my mark up. If you show your profs you’re working hard they’ll do what they can to help you out. It’s really easy to feel like your hard work is not making a difference, especially if you’re continually not getting the results you want -- this doesn’t mean you should stop working hard, it just means you may have to study differently, review material daily, and ask for help! If you fail you need to remember that you will have to work harder -- you have to keep up with the new material and relearn the old material. I wasn’t overly happy when I saw my final grade in the aforementioned class but, when I compared it to my first midterm and my feelings of utter confusion, I was satisfied with my grade because it showed my progress and improvement (and I also used it to motivate me to never let it happen again).

Realize that everyone is at university for different reasons → Some people have big goals, some people are still figuring it out, and some people just want to get their degree as soon as possible. There’s nothing wrong with being any of the above, just don’t expect everyone to have the same goals as you.

Know the deadlines for dropping courses → Even if you don’t think you’ll be dropping or changing any courses, write the dates down in your planner. My friend waited a few days too long to drop a math class that turned out to be extremely difficult and, even though she passed it in the end, she was stressed out all semester and her performance in other classes suffered as a result.

You’ll always be meeting new people and making friends → I lived off campus first year and felt like I had missed my chance to make friends. I shouldn’t have worried so much. Second year was much better in that there were a lot more familiar faces in my classes and I got to know other people much better through smaller classes and labs! Other people are always happy to make friends so just take the first step by starting a conversation :)

You can’t give 100% all the time → Some of the best advice that I was given this year was that you can’t give 100% all the time. You only have so much time and energy (mental and physical) you can give. For some tasks, the outcome from 70% effort and 100% effort may not be too different. Figure out what tasks those are so that you have enough energy to give 100% when you really need it.

[a-lbeit]

2019: a year in review

a doozy

rang in the new year at jellyrolls in orlando with a complimentary champagne toast, hats and noisemakers, and a round of “auld lang syne,” just as you’re supposed to, ending the night at steak n shake with some of the best people i’ve known. it was a traditional new years, and i couldn’t be more grateful.

watched most of my roommates go back to where they came from--australia, ohio, brazil, hawaii. it was a sad few days when i was alone in the apartment before moving to a new place, continuing on with the college program.

had a visit from my parents and aunt. it was nostalgic, in a way, and i’m so glad they were able to visit me. my aunt has already visited me out here in california, and i hope my parents can make the trip out at some point.

found out that i had been accepted to participate in the college program in disneyland. i remember opening that email at the bus stop after a morning shift at the hotel. it was unthinkable, the idea that california was on my horizon. i hadn’t been that excited about something in a long, long time. in the coming days, i remember researching driving across the country in an old and unreliable car.

finally took the free tour of the wilderness lodge. it certainly held my interest, but i took the information with a grain of salt. it’s still disney, after all.

started hanging out with katie, nicole, and estevan, the first group of people i didn’t live with that i felt close to since high school. going to the parks with them was so pure, the way i picture young people’s experiences at disney world should be like. we went to the butterfly garden at epcot, got food at the flower and garden festival, and watched happily ever after countless times. i’m not often one for that type of shit, usually, but with them, it was incredible. 

drove back to charleston on st patrick’s day to see mumford and sons with callie. that was one of the groups i’d always wanted to see, and callie is one of the best people to see a concert with. i’ve said it before, but marcus mumford is one of my favorite celebrity-type people. he seems genuine and personable.

drove back a couple days later and went to bob ross’s grave with katie

the next day, finally bit the bullet and bought a ticket to universal. katie and i had so much fun that day. it was strange being back there and seeing all the changes since i had last been on my senior trip in high school. seeing everything, especially on the universal side, that i had missed or never had time for, was far out.

had a visit from lisa and toby somewhere in there and also from my cousin

went to blizzard beach with katie and nicole

went to clearwater beach with katie, nicole, and estevan. i found $20 in the sand, we took nice photos, and blasted music in the car.

had some late night walmart and target visits with them, where nicole and i started our “hello/hi” snapchat epics. i miss those.

nicole spent a few nights at the hospital, so we visited her. we had fun, even though i know she was scared. 

went to magic kingdom on 4/20 lmfao 

went to jellyrolls one last time

was given a cupcake for my second to last day at port orleans (and for my last, as well). one of the managers was quite kind and i do appreciate her.

went to universal one last time. cracked my phone that morning lmfao. still had a great day, though. 

the last evening before moving out, katie, estevan, and i went to magic kingdom. daniel took some photos for us in front of the castle, we said goodbye to estevan, watched happily ever after, and for our last ride, attempted to go on thunder mountain. we were evacuated. what a way to end it.

despite these memories, the first part of 2019 is kind of a blur. i remember being infuriated with my workplace environment--the lack of hours, the shitty treatment of employees, particularly by one of the managers. i do not miss him and i do not miss that place. i am only thankful to have met katie, nicole, and estevan through it. port orleans riverside, and disney world in general (not disneyland, on which i will speak later) is the absolute most awful place i have ever worked. i cried in my car in the rain starting my 6 hour drive back to charleston on may 2nd to have to leave my friends, but i was overjoyed to be leaving orlando.

returned to charleston, no money in my bank account, worried about the plausibility of getting a job just for a few months before leaving for california.

saw shakey graves with callie and some others. it wasn’t the best shakey graves show i’d seen, but it was nice nonetheless.

went to folly beach for the sunrise with melissa. it was beautiful and empty, and i was even wearing a jacket in charleston in may. 

also went to the grand reopening of one of the local mcdonalds with melissa LMFAO

got a job at east bay deli and also back at the college bookstore. thank god for them.

spent the next 8-ish weeks mostly just working close to every day. i might have had 3 or 4 days off in that time. but i wouldn’t have had it any other way. i actually looked forward to the 2 days a week i got to work at the bookstore--i loved my supervisors and coworkers so much. and the deli was chill and i enjoyed my coworkers there, too. i miss them, to be honest. both of those jobs. i didn’t make much money, but it was something to enable me to get a start in california and to enjoy a couple of summer trips. 

in mid-july, rented a car and drove up to the smokies, one of new favorite summer traditions (although i’m not sure if i’ll be able to continue it this year). on the way there, i even got a new phone, making the trip even better, since i now had a battery life that lasted, gps that actually worked, and a nicer phone camera. i did some really great hikes, ones that i’d had on the back burner for a couple years. i even did 2 hikes in one day that added up to about 15 miles. that’s not really that much, but i was proud of myself. i also found myself once again at looking glass falls, feeling that this is what summer should look like. i miss that place, where everything seems simple, even though it’s not.

returned, worked for a few more days at the bookstore (with my birthday in between, a lovely day spent in edisto with my parents), and flew up to the new york area for a couple days. man, what a trip. 

after arriving at jfk, i took the airtrain into manhattan and headed uptown to finally visit the general grant mausoleum, something i had wanted to do the last couple times i had been to new york but had never had the chance to. it was beautiful to look at and fascinating to learn about. i love that the nps has so many different kinds of sites. then, i went to columbia’s wallach art gallery because i had the time to. bob dylan’s “mozambique” was part of one of the pieces. 

finally took the train down to lauren’s. it was so incredible to spend the night at her apartment and then to come back to the city with her the next day. we went to the color factory, walked around soho, got food in chinatown, and went to a drag performance, after which we met up with kai and got a late dinner in harlem. 

the next day, we walked around to a few color factory spots and parted ways at penn station. i continued on to my next airbnb in queens and went to primark to end the evening. 

went back to flushing meadows corona park, reminiscing about the paul simon concert i’d seen less than a year before and how strange it was to be back on the same soil. i explored the park in more depth. it’s such an overlooked place full of early 60s futurism. i went to paul simon’s childhood home, which is up for sale now, and got a snack at the lemon ice king of corona. on i ventured to the jamaica bay wildlife refuge, another nps site checked off my list (not that any nps site is a place to “check off.” i want to see them all because the diversity is so unique). 

that evening, i met up with ciaran. it was so cool to be able to see him for the first time since berlin. besides zuri and the people i went to school with, he’s the only person i’ve seen since that semester. i loved talking about berlin and what we’ve been up to since then.

my last day, i wandered around prospect park (at the recommendation of ciaran), went to federal hall, and finally to governor’s island where i got soaked in a rainstorm but it was all right. i ended the night with pierogi and thoughts of the coming week.

flew back and packed for the start of a different life

once again flew out of charleston for what i thought would be the last time for a while. i arrived in chicago for a nice few days before chugging out of union station.

trying to get to my airbnb on the l was an experience. lollapalooza was going on, and i arrived at my transfer station just as everyone was leaving for the night. it was packed and i ended up going in the opposite direction i needed just so that i could get on the train in the right direction before everyone else piled on. it was funny, though, even in the moment. 

it was my first time in chicago, so i started my first day at millennium park, which was honestly really cool, despite the crowds. from there, i went to the art institute, where i could have spent all my time if i had the chance. i remembered scenes from ferris bueller. 

travelled down to the university of chicago, where i toured the robie house. i think that was the first frank lloyd wright house that i’ve seen. maybe someday i’ll get to fallingwater and the like. 

more south, there’s a place called the stony island arts bank. they had on display an artist’s work who had painted a photo from each day of obama’s presidency. there were thousands of them. i loved it so much. 

my second and last day, i walked along lake michigan, visited a mexican art museum, and went to the zoo, ending the night at the navy pier gazing at the city lights. this trip was a tourist’s one, but i wouldn’t have had it any other way.

dragged my shit to union station the next morning, ready to depart on an over-two-day long train trip to the west. 

to begin with, the train left probably 2 hours late. it was all right, though. when we finally started moving, i felt it--the wheels against the track, sure, but more so the wind in mountains thousands of miles away that i would soon see. 

sunset in illinois and sunrise in nebraska, a concept

i had both seats to myself from somewhere in illinois until salt lake city. what a time to be alive.

sure, the stretch between denver and colfax might be the beautiful part, but all those plains of nebraska and eastern colorado did a number on me. 

in denver, we had about a 35 minute refuel break, so i left the train and union station and walked to a 7 eleven a few blocks away. how strange it was to be in a city i’d always heard of, but just for a few minutes. when i got back on, a man had boarded and sat in front of me that sure was a loud talker. i was thankful to be behind him rather than next to him. 

we left denver, only to be held up about a half hour later by a freight train stuck in a tunnel. the man started freaking me and the other passengers out a little--he was muttering and sort of rocking back and forth, clearly uncomfortable with the delay we were faced with. i moved to the observation car for the first time to get away from him, and boy, am i glad i did. i spent a good amount of time there for the remainder of my journey. when we were still stuck behind that freight train, the conductor came in and played someone’s guitar, leading us all in a singalong. it was pure and i’m glad i was a part of it.

after we finally got moving again, we started to see the scenery we had signed up for. apart from badlands and the black hills last year, i’d never seen the west at all. this was terrain on the level of ansel adams’s iconography. thank god for that part of the country.

to see and do this on a train made it so much more meaningful. to realize you’re looking at the path that people’s ancestors blazed through all those years ago is something else. 

a lot of utah was passed through at night, unfortunately, but from salt lake city on, we could see the alien landscapes of the state. i still can’t fully fathom its character, but i have at least a bit of an idea now. wow. 

at one point, i think in nevada, we were delayed again by a passenger needing an ambulance. i can’t even imagine what it must have been like for them. i hope everything ended up working out fine for them.

leaving out of reno and crossing the state line into california was anticlimactic but incredible. i was really in california. 

everyone ended up getting a free meal because the train was so late. at that point, it was over 6 hours behind schedule. that beef stew, mashed potatoes, and bread sure hit different when i hadn’t had substantial food since denver.

the train emptied out as time went on, and after the last sunset somewhere in the middle of california, it was just me and a few others in the observation car. trev and i had been talking for months about meeting up once i got to california, and he ended up calling me to ask if he could come to my airbnb the night i arrived in anaheim in a few days. i said yes. it remained in the back of my mind. 

we rolled in to emeryville 5 minutes before midnight, 7 hours and 45 minutes late. it was cold and i was unsure of the reliability of my airbnb host, but i wouldn’t trade it for anything. i ended up taking a lyft to the airbnb because i just couldn’t deal with waiting for or even learning the bus. my airbnb host was probably the worst i’ve ever had, and i only was able to get into the apartment complex because another resident came back and let me in, but it doesn’t matter.

i worried about transportation costs in san francisco, but i bit the bullet (as gently as i could). it’s fucking san francisco in the summertime. what else can you do?

i started everything off with a visit to the hyde street pier after taking the bus into the city from berkeley. i saw a sea lion or seal or whatever and got my first view of the golden gate. it was like nothing else. 

had in n out, since i guess it’s blasphemous not to

walked to the palace of the arts and then went to the bridge. i didn’t cross it or anything, but i walked down to the beach and admired the bay. how do places like that exist? 

climbed back up to the level of civilization and rushed over to the embarcadero to meet up with brandon. i feel so grateful that i was able to meet up with him. we walked around chinatown, had dinner, and ended the night at burger king in union square.

the next morning, i made my way to golden gate park, where outside lands was to be held later that day. i saw the windmill, the bison enclosure, strawberry hill, the aids memorial grove--a message on one of the stones said the names of two men who had “met the day humans walked on the moon”--and hippie hill. that park is full.

i thought about trev on my long walks, how i’d probably be seeing him in a little over 24 hours 

ventured into the haight-ashbury district, where i wandered around amoeba a little bit and saw the music history which has become such a piece of consumerism nowadays. i guess it always was, though.

saw a beautiful church in mission delores and looked around an alley of street art; then went up to the richy rich part of town (although i guess that’s the entirety of sf, isn’t it?) to see the painted ladies and look at everything the beat museum had to offer. that place was so fascinating.

went back to my airbnb briefly before taking the bart down to oakland to see paul simon in his pop-up show at the fox theater that he’d announced about a week beforehand. i was lucky enough to score a ticket, and even though his setlist was mostly the same from when i’d seen him twice the year before, there’s something about him that just makes me wide-eyed. 

the next day, flew out of sf and into orange county, my new home. flying down to southern california was a feeling of hope and freshness. i don’t feel it as much anymore, but it sure did make my heart jump at the time. i still couldn’t believe i was in california, seeing the pacific outside my airplane window, and that just 4 or 5 days before, i had experienced so much less in my life.

that evening, trev came over. it was certainly a day of firsts. i remember that night so well, how he kissed me good night at the end. i still like him as a friend and i’ll probably hook up with him again, but blech. cringe. i’ve changed, i think.

the next day, i moved into a new apartment to start the disney college program once again. meeting my 4 roommates, who knew what kind of shit was to happen over the next few months? i was so guarded that day, as i always am with meeting people, but especially with the self-hatred of continuing to work for disney.

in the next few days before the orientation where we get our disney IDs and entrance pass to the parks, i got settled and explored the area a little bit. i walked onto disney property, seeing the disneyland sign for the first time. it was otherworldly. i had thought about this for so many years, not just california, but disneyland specifically. it was the original, the first. seeing downtown disney, the hotels, and a few views of the parks was insane. 

the day of the orientation was like a door opening. we went on a small tour of the park. it was just me and one other guy in our group who had never been to disneyland, so we got to go out into it first. i will always remember that first second. i also learned that i would be working at autopia lmfao and i was NAWT happy. look at me now. i am so goddamn indebted to that place.

that evening, my roommates and i went into the park as guests, and i rode peter pan as my first ride. i was happy. 

went to la for the first time the next day. seeing the hollywood sign in the distance doesn’t faze me quite so much now, but that first time, wow. it’s beautiful when everything is new to you. 

went to the parks a few more times in the midst of training at auto. i met and befriended abby, greg, and alex. my second day of auto training was blake and jacob’s first. i remember meeting them and shaking their hands and discussing how we had all done a program in florida.

went to joshua tree one night with zuri, where we stargazed and saw all kinds of flora and fauna. it was beautiful, and i loved being the one to drive back at 4 in the morning through the blackened californian scenery.

the day i got signed off, i went back to la to spend the night at trev’s LMFAO, with the next morning spent at venice and santa monica. i remember feeling so grateful for my life, for california, for getting laid, for disneyland.

a few nights later, a big group of us all went out. i got drunk for the first time. i met britt then, and i got closer to blake and everyone.

in the next few weeks, i went to an angels game with abby and her roommates, went bowling with coworkers, and had a tipsy la day with abby.

then came september 11th. we were all going to go out again. after work, i went to walmart to buy vodka and strawberry lemonade. i made a detour to mcdonald’s because i wanted to eat something before getting lit. and i broke my ankle. never got to go out that night. the defining point of these past 6 months.

i sat on the ground after falling for about 20 minutes, maybe, waiting and hoping for the pain to subside. it didn’t. before the swelling started, i noticed that when i moved my left ankle, it didn’t look the same as my right one. i admitted defeat and called my roommate to drive me to the er. thank god for her. 

we sat in the er waiting room for a couple hours. my ankle hurt, but i don’t really remember it being too bad anymore. they finally saw me. i got an x-ray. the technician said it was broken. i started crying. the nurse splinted me up and gave me crutches. the doctor wrote me a recommendation for an orthopedic specialist. i fell again trying to use the crutches on the way out. they re-x-rayed me. re-splinted me. sent me home.

i somehow took a shower the next morning. blake messaged me, asking how i was. he brought me coffee and pastries. i will never forget it. 

i couldn’t get an appointment until almost a week later, but in the meantime, my roommates and i held a couple game and movie nights. abby and jacob came by, blake always made an appearance, and i met tucker.

i would start a lot of days by listening to the sigh no more album and contemplating my future. it was a low time, but not the lowest it would get.

britt and i talked a lot, comparing our experiences. i asked her a lot about medical leave. we grew closer because of it all.

when the appointment finally rolled around, i was told that i would most likely need surgery. he re-splinted it and sent me on my way, as it was still too swollen to do anything. i cried in blake’s car. 

i called my parents and they said i should come home. i was devastated, but they were right. i was going to do absolutely EVERYTHING in my power to be able to continue with my college program, though. this shit would not end me. (and it didn’t. but i didn’t know it at the time.)

a flight was booked for me to fly back to charleston on september 21st. the night before, we had a final game night with everyone. blake gave me a letter, saying not to read it until i got on the plane. hugs goodbye were tight and i felt my chest close. it was melancholic in a way i’d never felt before. 

i sat in the airport the next day trying not to cry. i was able to hold it in. then i was in the air and i finally let myself read the letter. tears escaped often throughout that entire day. i tried to be as discreet as i could. 

i reunited with my parents much sooner than i thought i would. it had only been just over a month, after all. i had an appointment that tuesday and we set up surgery for thursday. 

i was in charleston for 6 weeks exactly, one of the longest stretches of time in my life. i was constantly forlorn about california and worried about my finances and my participation in the program. the lowest point hit when one of the program people said i should consider cutting my losses and quitting, that they’d only make me pay rent through the middle of november because of my circumstances. i got a medical bill from the er in anaheim that was exponential because my insurance hadn’t gone through yet (but i didn’t realize that part). the only thing that kept me all right was the thought of my friends in california and the hope of a grandiose future, although i wasn’t too sure about that possibility. i wrote blake a letter and he wrote me back. i read east of eden and some other books. britt and i texted. rozi and i became incredibly close. i hung out with my parents and we watched queer eye. i recovered. i became better. my blind resilience (or perhaps stubbornness) was the main reasoning behind my (stupidly naïve) unwavering assuredness of a return to california. 

LMFAO at the fact that i almost forgot about this, but i texted tucker a lot during that stretch, as well. he asked me out, and we grew closer during my stint in charleston. i looked forward to hanging out with him when i got back.

and the day of my return did come. november 2nd, the most beautifully pure day of my program. i flew back with grace in my heart and stars in my eyes, even though i was still on crutches. i had a window seat and clear skies to admire the southwest, another part of the country i had never had the chance to lay eyes on. and i landed at john wayne airport to texts about my return. britt picked me up and everything seemed positive and optimistic. 

reuniting with blake was something in itself. it was brief, but it had been such a long time coming that i almost cried again. he called me a kindred spirit one time, and that is such a perfect description of what he is to me, as well. 

finally met up with tucker. we went to in n out and came back to my apartment, where we talked for a while and made out for a while. 

had an appointment less than a week later, where i was told that i could start putting weight on my ankle again. within another week, i was down to one crutch. it was freeing in a way i’d never known. by now, it was the middle of november, and i still wasn’t certain when i’d return to work, but it didn’t matter anymore. i was here, in california, surrounded by people i’d grown unfathomably close to in such a short time. 

went to the ellen show somewhere in there and had sex with tucker LMFAO. we spent a lot of time together in about three weeks (he ended up quitting the program and moving back to georgia, so our time was quite short). i had a good time, although i now realize how blinded i was by his laziness and selfishness. i don’t miss him, but i don’t regret it. 

had a photoshoot with my boot and my crutch. it was nice to be able to have fun again. 

finally returned to the parks, which was something of a homecoming, but not as much as when my aunt visited a few days later and i rode autopia for the first time since everything happened.

tucker moved out, and i cried. i roll my eyes now. i wrote him a letter and he never acknowledged it, and never texted anyone back that wished him well. fuck him.

on november 25th, the program gave us a thanksgiving dinner. after that, rozi, blake, britt, and i all wanted to do something, so blake found this place called the juke joint less than a mile away. it was the start of our close group. we would go and play pool and have a drink or two. by that point, i was down to no crutch, as well.

one night, we all went to abby’s. i got a little drunk and talked about socialism and the national park service for like half an hour.

went to medieval times lmao

it kind of became a thing for us to drag blake out of his apartment to go to juke joint. those were the days.

got cleared to go back to work on december 4th, but didn’t go back until the 13th. in that time, i chilled, tried not to spend money, and slept over at trev’s again after a fun karaoke session with zuri and her coworkers. we went to amoeba and guitar center, and i went to a book talk at the morrison hotel gallery.

one juke joint night, rozi, blake, britt, and i ended up staying out all night, driving to the top of the world in laguna to see sunrise. it started with rozi needing toilet paper, so we went to target after leaving juke joint. then we didn’t want it to end. we got tacos and donuts and we sat in a park for a while talking about life. rozi wanted to go to a view. we found the top of the world. and we drove there. there was fog and gas station snacks. i am thankful for that night and for rozi initiating it all.

went to the dcp end of program celebration and got drunk at abby’s apartment afterwards. i had a lot of fun that night. i met matheus there. 

finally went back to work on december 13th. that morning, all the program participants had an opportunity to take a photo in front of the castle, and jacob, abby, and i all posed together. at work, i felt a real sense of joy. my ankle and feet hurt by the end of the day, but the knowledge of forthcoming paychecks and a renewed sense of purpose overpowered any pain.

went to the newport boat parade

another night, rozi, blake, and i again stayed out all night after juke joint. we went back to the same park, and after a while, we said “let’s go to la.” i drove there in blake’s car, and we tried to go to griffith, but it was closed. so we went up to the start of a hollywood sign hike and looked down at the city’s lights. the juxtaposition of the natural and the man-made is really captivating. then we went to hollywood boulevard and had fries at a 24 hour burger place in the roosevelt hotel at 4 in the morning. it was beautiful. on the way back, rozi slept in the back and blake and i talked about politics and the park service, about trump’s impeachment. i called out of work and slept all day, that evening going to jacob’s housewarming party. after we left, the four of us went back to blake’s (i, at least, was crossfaded at that point lmfao) and all laid on his twin bed. 

on christmas eve, rozi, blake, and i went to california adventure and had food from the festival of the holidays. it was an incredible evening. it felt pure. 

i worked on christmas morning again, but i enjoyed myself. blake and i would fuck around, and it really made everything all right.

went out with some coworkers a few days later. we laughed and got low. 

worked a hell of a lot, trying to make up for the three months i had been out of a job

new years eve almost was anticlimactic--almost. blake, abby, and i all worked and came home together, making a stop at vons for champagne, pizza, and chips and salsa. then, i found out rozi wasn’t going to be around because she was going to spend the evening with her family. i was disheartened. new years is the only holiday i really care about, and it was about to be the start of the roaring 20s. i wanted to do something big. but it ended up being all right. i went to abby’s apartment and hung out with her roommates. blake came a bit later. we all drank together until abby and bailey decided to go to california adventure, while the rest of us decided to stay. at midnight, it ended up just being me, blake, mackenzie, and lauren, which was all right. i was drunk by that point and i don’t really remember the ball dropping, but i know it was a nice way to roll in the new year. britt came through eventually, and we went back to blake’s, but he wanted to take a smoke, so we all went outside, me in his blanket. as he smoked his cigar (of which i took a few drags, unfortunately), britt went up to this party that was happening across the way and somehow got us all in. we put his blanket back and went into the party, which is fuzzy to me. i remember eating doritos and drinking jameson lmfao. i saw rod and matty at one point. i kissed them. i don’t remember coming home, but i got to work at 8:45 the next day on time. i was still drunk, but i sure did have fun that new years morning. i laughed and joked with blake and abby. it was their last day. i almost cried when blake came up to me as he was leaving.

saw a lot of movies thanks to my cousin working at amc and giving me a card that lets me see any movie any time for free

drove a little, even in california

spent way too much money on food

thought a lot about the differences between working conditions at disney world and disneyland. i’m thankful to be in california now, where the laws give more power to employees, where i’m part of a union, where the weather is good and the people are better

counted my endless blessings. i have never been more grateful of my life.

analyzed my broken ankle. it could not have come at a better time, in all honesty. i had already met incredible people on this program and had gotten to know them a little bit, so i didn’t feel like i was on the outskirts of the program, even when i was back in south carolina. it made me grow closer to everyone somehow, and i am thankful and appreciative beyond belief for that. rozi and i probably wouldn’t be as close as we are now without it. britt and i wouldn’t have bonded over our injuries. blake and i, oh man. we would have never written each other, i probably wouldn’t have read east of eden, and we might never have formed the juke joint squad. i remember writing about how hard it was, dealing with my broken ankle, with the lack of mobility, with the impending medical bills, but that i still thought that in the future, i would think the whole thing was soft. i think that even now, just a month or so later. even with the debt, with the worry of my mobility, i am so content with how my life has developed just over these past 4 months.

laughed and cried 

missed school

listened to music in a new light, but maybe not as much as i used to

became incredibly busy, but would not have traded it for anything

looked into the aspire program with the realization that i would probably be starting the road to my master’s quite soon 

became less conflicted about working for disney. i still hate myself sometimes, but it’s a different vibe out here. it seems more genuine than in florida. 

completely embraced a life in california. i don’t really think this is where i’ll end up (although who really ever knows?), but i am so genuinely happy to be in this place for a bit--and i don’t think i’ve ever unabashedly or truly thought that about a residence before

loved the national park service, as i always do, and loved discussing it with blake

songs of the year: “timshel,” mumford and sons; “this life,” vampire weekend, “the cool, cool river,” paul simon; “count your blessings,” bing crosby. “timshel” made me think about my somehow unfaltering strength and independence, about how i have to be the source of affirmation in my own life. “this life” encapsulated the beauty of a never-ending summer. “the cool, cool river” let me remember to show weakness sometimes. and “count your blessings” is always in the back of my mind.

album of the year: norman fucking rockwell, lana del rey. that entire album was such a soundtrack for me when i was dreaming of nothing but california, of my friends, of walking. 

man, 2019. the end of a decade. the change i had been waiting for. i am a completely different person than i was even 6 months ago. the events of this year affected me unlike anything in the past. i said last year that 2018 was the most eventful year of my life, but this year was something else. and i am so unendingly grateful for the trials, tribulations, and victories that it threw at me. romance, friendship, sex, drinks, travel, financial worry, pain, and overall, an enduring lust for life have carried me through this year into a new decade, and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

the first part of 2019 was completely different than the second half, and it is wild to think about it in those terms. i’m not too sure why california changed me the way it did, but man, the people i’ve come in contact with over the past 5 months have had such an impact on my life. the relationships i formed were the newest but also somehow some of the closest ones i’ve ever had. and it’s strange to think about them, but they completely envelop my outlook on this entire year. 

i’ve been so caught up in my own life that i haven’t even touched on global events. you only have to remember a couple things to become overwhelmed by the horrors of the planet. climate change, hate crimes, poverty, war. it all blends together, honestly. i think about how the world is shitty and i just kind of close myself off from it. but there is always the occasional beautiful moment that you easily pluck from the depths of your brain to renew your hope. because even though it can constantly seem like you have lost all your hope, it is never actually gone. i think it’s impossible for hope to leave your being. that sense of longing and anticipation for an untouched tomorrow always gets me through the night. 

and sometimes, you don’t even need hope. when you’ve got this incredible entanglement of all the people you love so much surrounding you, you can just picture their faces and remember the good times you’ve had so far with them and rest assured that life just might have mercy on you, on your weary but persistent and trailblazing soul.

“maybe it’s true that we are all descended from the restless, the nervous, the criminals, the arguers and brawlers, but also the brave and independent and generous. if our ancestors had not been that, they would have stayed in their home plots in the other world and starved over the squeezed-out soil.”

[changji]

Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

-

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

[spitestudies]

hello everyone!! as a high school junior taking 4 aps, 3 other classes, preparing for the act, trying to do college research, stage managing a musical, and trying not to lose my mind, here are some fun n handy tips for not Dying when ur schedule is hell!  

if you found this post helpful maybe give it a like/reblog and check out my other posts here!

01 | PLANNING AND PREPARING

so much of getting and staying organized has to do with organizing your time in advance.  there are a million ways to do this--google calendar, a bullet journal, a planner, some post-it notes.  my system involves three parts: a google calendar, a planner, and an online to-do list app.  

google calendar: this is mostly for events.  i can see when i have rehearsals, classes, doctor’s appointments, etc.  this helps me see how much available time i have and budgeting it properly.  

planner: i take this with me to school, and i use it to right down when i have assignments and tests.  i use the ban.do planner, but these are a bit pricey, and really anything will do.  just somewhere to put down tasks so you can keep track of them

getplan.co: this app is, honest to god, the only reason i am still alive and breathing.  it plugs into your google calendar and then allows you to create and schedule tasks around events.  @studycxlture has an amazing post about plan here that i def recommend checking out!

general tips about planning: 

plan out the events of your month at least two days before it starts

set aside a night (i like sunday evenings) to set up a system for the upcoming week and go over what you have planned so you don’t forget anything

you are NOT gonna remember that assignment that teacher told you about.  write it down.  

you do not need a fancy system.  it’s okay to try lots of different things until you find what works 

never spend more time planning out tasks than completing them.  unless you have that much free time, don’t dedicate two hours to making a lovely weekly bullet journal spread.  

color codes!!! are a life saver.  i have one with a color for each class (red for english, orange for spanish, yellow for history, green for science, blue for math, etc) as well as some for my extracurriculars (pink for the musical, teal for model un, etc).  

always have ur planner open when ur working, so that you can make sure u r actually completing all the tasks u said u were gonna complete

02 | STAYING ORGANIZED 

oh my god oh my god oh my god staying on top of your work is SO important when you’re busy.  being able to find your worksheets and keep track of your homework and your million responsibilities is essential to being successful.  to stay organized, i have an expandable file folder with tabs for each class.  because i take most of my notes in notebooks instead of binders, this is a good way to keep all of my handouts, worksheets, and syllabi centralized.  

also, make sure you have a way to keep your online materials organized.  create a folder for each school year, and within that folder, create more folders for each class.  from there, it’s up to you about how you’ll organize files. you can create even MORE folders (yeet) for things like homework, notes, study guides, etc, or folders for each unit you study.  the possibilities are endless!!!! isn’t technology exciting

here r some pieces of advice for staying organized: 

have a series of folders/binder/expandable file folder to hold your worksheets.  or one for each class, though i prefer to keep all my papers in one a) to save money and b) to save space.

label your notebooks/binders so that you know which ones to bring home with you

never just shove something into your backpack.  never.  i’m gonna manifest into ur classroom and FIGHT you if u do that.  it’s not good, it’ll end up getting lost or crushed under the weight of all ur textbooks, and you’ll end up panicking when u can’t find it 

have ur planner on u at all times

keep a good filing system of ur stuff at home.  u don’t need to carry around every single bio assignment you’ve gotten back, but by the time ur final rolls around ur gonna want 2 b able to look at all the materials you’ve gotten during the semester

that being said, throw stuff away when the year is over!  i, for one, know i’m never gonna think about calculus after this class is done, so i will be recycling all of my papers (save the earth) and moving tf on 

keep a recycling bin in your room!  even if it’s just a paper bag, it’ll make throwing paper in the trash way less tempting (save the earth)

u don’t need a ton of pens.  i’m being a giant hypocrite saying this but you really don’t need all that stuff.  if you want it and you can manage it, great, but if it’s just another thing to keep track of, leave ur staedtlers and ur mujis and ur fineliners and ur calligraphy pens at home, and just take the essentials with u to school

03 | MAKING THE MOST OF UR TIME

in order to succeed, it’s v important to make every second count.  this doesn’t mean studying 48 hours straight (pls don’t), but try not to waste time. whether this means you spend fifteen minutes napping, doing some reading for english, or having a quick snack, make sure u are being productive and healthy!  i, for one, sometimes have 1-2 hour breaks between school and rehearsal, and i like to use these to walk to the grocery store by my school and get some food and then study in the deli.  

some ideas for being productive! 

carry a clipboard around everywhere.  this way, u don’t need to spend as much time transitioning in and out of tasks, u can just put ur work onto the clipboard, and put it in ur backpack at the end of a break, and then the next chance u have to work on it, just take it back out.  easy peasy

work during commutes! nOT if ur the one driving the car though that’s VERY dangerous and distracted driving = bad.  but if ur on the bus, or ur mom is driving u to school, that might be a good time to go over some notes you took last night, or some reading you need to catch up on.  nothing too insane, please don’t do ur chem labs on the public bus but.  u know.  

read over the notes you took that day on the ride home.  this will help reinforce the information in ur brain, and it’s not super difficult. i go over my apush notes during the 40 minute drive home and sometimes talk about them w my mom, which gives me a much better grasp of the material

don’t waste time on social media.  either delete instagram altogether, or log off/mute notifications before u start work.  same with tumblr.  don’t start scrolling obsessively if u have three tests to study for. 

power naps!!!! napping for about 10-20 minutes, maybe on the way home or to practice/rehearsal/whatever u gotta do, can help u feel refreshed!  anything longer will make u more tired tho, so be sure to get up when u say ur gonna get up.  

study smarter: when ur going over material, u don’t need to handwrite 60 beautiful flashcards.  use quizlet instead.  don’t revise if it’s not gonna help u.  prioritize which assignments r gonna be most impactful over the little ones u can easily make up

take good breaks!! breaks r VERY important and should be utilized properly.  here r some good suggestions for things to do: 

throw in a load of laundry

empty the dishwasher

stretch/do some jumping jacks

drink some water!

go for a walk

talk to a family member 

get a snack!

read some fun novels n such

scream?

!! in case of emergency !! the following tips should only be employed when ur short on time.  don’t use these just bc u can, this is just when it’s about getting close enough to grasping material, not actually grasping it

do every other math problem assigned, and either star the ones u didn’t do, or get the answers from the back of the book.  this way, u get some practice but u also save time

sparknotes ur reading beforehand.  this way, u can recognize what’s going on.  it’s not v good for developing ur reading comprehension, but assignments will go by quicker

NEVER google translate ur language homework, but u can use word reference for helping u find the right word and proper conjugations

flagpole it: didn’t study enough for a test?  are u guessing on like 10 of the questions?  if it’s multiple choice, but the same answer for all the ones u have no clue about, unless that answer choice seems highly unlikely.  then pick a different one.  this way, ur statistically more likely to get some of the ones you guessed correct. 

when u have an online assignment due at midnight and it’s 11:53 and u haven’t started, find another assignment you’ve already completed that has a similar document name.  for example, “scarlet letter chapters 9-11″ instead of ur actual assignment “scarlet letter chapters 12-14″.  submit the other one, and then when u finish the other assignment (either that night or the next morning) email ur teacher and apologize, say u accidentally submitted the wrong document

if ur parents will let u (if ur in high school) or u can let urself (if ur in uni), it’s okay to skip a day to catch up.  just make sure u actually work, get the notes u missed, and talk to ur teachers/professors abt the material u missed.

04 | STAYING HEALTHY 

ur health comes before any assignment, test, or extracurricular.  i know lots of ppl r probably telling u that and it doesn’t seem like they mean it, but i mean it.  no exam is worth sacrificing ur mental, physical, or emotional health for.  yeet!  so here r some things to keep in mind

eat!  ur fuckin!  breakfast!  whether it’s a smoothie or oatmeal or a cup of orange juice or an apple or an elaborate french toast dish, u need some food in ur stomach so that u have the energy to start ur day

remember to take ur meds if u need to!

drink water!  drink! water!  have a glass when u wake up, and then at least one with every meal, and one before u go to bed.  hydration is v important.  if u can, invest in a water bottle and take it with u to class.  

pack a lunch!  and if ur staying later after school, pack snacks!  tech week for me is always hell because i get to school at 7:30 am and don’t usually leave until 11 that night.  it’s v important to stay nourished and hydrated so that u don’t get dizzy or faint.  

remember!  that u are beautiful, and ur body is beautiful, and it deserves 2 b loved! especially by u.  

get 6 hours of sleep.  aim for 8, but six at the very least.  if ur done with ur work, go to bed early!  don’t just stay up for no reason.  

shower everyday, or every other day at least.  give yourself those 15 minutes as a break from work or school or anything else that’s keeping you busy

write down ur thoughts in a journal?  

talk to a friend if ur feeling sad, or just feeling things very intensely.  share ur joy with other people!  vent ur sadness and anger so u aren’t carrying it around everywhere. 

make some time to have fun.  see a movie w ur friends or ur bf/gf/datefriend or ur family over the weekend.  go to a museum.  hang out at the mall.  sleepover at someone’s house.  taking breaks is healthy.  

make an effort to have dinner with ur family if u can (also if u like ur family.  i know some ppl have bad relationships w them so skip this step if that’s u).  it can be nice to reconnect w everyone, even when ur stressed or they’re annoying u, it can be nice.  

remember that it’s okay to be imperfect!  u don’t need to be good at a lot of things.  i got a b for the first time last semester, i just got a c on an apush test, i failed my driver’s test again yesterday.  but i also aced my math quiz, i celebrated six months of knowing my best friend, i walked my dog, i helped put a production together.  it’s okay to have rough days and bad days and bleh days, as long as you keep pushing through them and working for the days to get better.  

i love u!!! stay hydrated and nourished and get enough sleep.  put on some lotion if u have it available.  brush ur hair.  if u ever wanna ask a question, my ask box is always open!  <3

[purplesurveys]

1468

survey by emptyspaces

Do you ever read the threads on r/AskReddit? All the time. It took a while for me to come around, but after starting to get the hang of Reddit it became a habit. There are a few subreddits I do prefer to scroll through, but occasionally I’ll go to the trending section just so I have an idea of what people are talking about for the day.

Is there anything you wish your parents did differently in raising you? I wish they hadn’t acted like fucking surveillance cameras. They had always been all up in my stuff, looking at my diary one time and even going through my social media. My trust depleted throughout the years and it’s why I don’t really share anything with them beyond surface-level updates about my life.

What would you do if the last person you texted asked you out? Laugh and ask her if it had been a dare because it most likely had been.

What was the last lie you told yourself? That I didn’t have to worry because I was going to be on time going to the office today. I was 20 minutes late HAHAHAHA

Have you ever received a scholarship? I’ve never received nor applied for one. I was very fortunate to enjoy free tuition in college though. My parents only had to pay for my first two semesters, then the government signed the free tuition law by the time I was a sophomore.

Who was the last person who got frustrated with you? It was probably either Bea or Liara, aka the people I work with the most.

Did you have a good day yesterday? No it was a shit day, mostly work-related. Today was a lot better and it helped that we spent the day together at the office.

Have you ever swam in an infinity pool? Yes, I’ve been in a few of them from family vacations.

When was the last time you mopped your kitchen floor? Last night. I pretty much do it nightly since Kimi has chosen the kitchen as his peeing zone, lmao.

What are your siblings' names and ages? Nina is turning 22 this year (what the FUCK, that old already?!) and Joaquin is 19.

What is the greatest source of anxiety for you? Hahahaha work. Of course. I cannot wait for the opportunity to work at a museum or in anything culture-related.

What habit are you currently trying to break? Waiting til 9 AM to roll out of bed and start work, even if it means delaying some backlogs. I really have to get back to my 8 AM routine, even if it technically means OT’ing in the morning :/

What was going on in your life exactly 6 months ago? That’s December...and December was a month of realizing that I took a grand total of 0 leaves throughout 2021, so I made sure to use the shit out of my leave credits before the year ended, haha. December was also when I got the notice that I’ve been promoted to senior associate...but little did I know that two weeks later I was gonna get promoted directly to manager, lmao. All in all it was a pretty good month - I got 2 weeks’ holiday break too, so I rested a lot.

Do you think professional athletes are paid too much? Eh, I wouldn’t say so. They put their body through an awful lot and I’m sure that training and traveling and everything that comes with being an athlete doesn’t come cheap.

If you had to invent a new chewing gum flavor that's bizarre but you think people would still like, what would it be? Continued from last night. I dunno...chocolate?

What is your favorite work of art? I don’t have a favorite artwork but I am generally a fan of Impressionism and Monet.

What was the last appointment or plan you had to cancel? I’m not sure about that. Plans are rare these days so I rarely cancel on anything and anyone hahaha.

What is going right in your life right now? I have great friends and the people at my workplace are awesome. Having three dogs is also a blast, I’d say lol.

What is going wrong in your life right now? I’m falling out of love with the actual work that I do.

Did you do anything today that you can be proud of? I survived a day of work. OH and this pitch that I had been working on in the last two months looks like it may finally be approved!

What spur-of-the-moment decision that you've made has had the biggest impact on your life? Deciding that by the time the clock strikes midnight in 2021 I was going to move on from my past relationship and start from a clean slate.

Do you know anyone who is (or has been) a refugee? I don’t think so.

What is your best friend's worst habit? They don’t really have anything I’m particularly annoyed by.

Would you ever want to be an architect? I’d pass on that; I don’t have the skills whatsoever to excel in it.

Are you currently stressed out about anything? Yeah, I mean I think I’m constantly stressed about something at any given point lol.

What was the last adventure you went on? Two Fridays ago when my plans to go to Leni’s thanksgiving rally turned into a 4-hour drive that ultimately led to nothing because the traffic was disgusting and I didn’t get to reach anything, and the only thing I managed to do is pick up Angela and Hans and go two cities away to have dinner at like 10 PM haha.

[teachers-are-nerds]

why does my brain keep saying very loudly and rapidly “i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to fucking die” even though i absolutely do not want to die right now i dont even have the motivation to scream but i wonder if a solid scream would be cathartic

theres just so many things i need to complain about my heart is pounding so hard im in pain and im shaking and everything feels bad and i cant change my meds bc i cant contact my psychiatrist from france or like... more importantly figure out the logistics

i dont wanna go back to the states though bc gburg is probably gonna be hella toxic for me again even though my schedule for next year is super good and im super looking forward to it

why did i send home all of my sheet music and why didnt i send home my jackets holy wow that’s gonna be a lot of weight i cant pay for with the luggage on my way home

what if im not mentally ill enough for meds i know i have to change them bc at this moment i am NOT feeling helped by them but what if another med will make me even worse and what if i am actually just shitty at managing symptoms and how come everyone else seems to be able to manage or hide or work through their shit and i have to go and make a big fucking deal out of it all and i literally even wrote my prof like “hi btw ive been suicidal thats why i havent been in class” and that’s just using mental health as a fucking excuse it’s not like an hour and a half of sitting through a class from which i glean approximately nothing would actually kill me, as it were lol

i have to get the key to christine but that means 20 min walk home and 20 min walk back and maybe the sunlight will be good for me but i also need to write the other two pages of my paper that im obviously not doing now since im complaining and making a bajillion zillion posts all over social media lol it is a cry for help how come i cant make myself do the things i need to do im literally in physical pain because i cant make myself do the paper that was due an entire week ago !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how the actual fuck did i even graduate high school how did i fucking survive

well i mean i didnt drink in high school but i also got apx 3h of sleep a night so idk

im not drinking today though like i refuse to do that today bc money and also i need to just uhh not drink for a while because that’s what healthy people do. not day drink on weekdays.

i thought i was better abt that this year than last year but i guess not as much as i thought but at least im not sleeping in my friend’s bed every other night?? which is an improvement

god i fucking hate that i cut myself out of the queermmunity like that even though it’s better for me i just wish i did it in a more mature way im so fucking angry at myself im not even homesick at all i miss like 4 or 5 people from the states in total and i feel fucking awful that theres a bunch of people who will message me like “omg miss u” and i know i miss them too but like i feel like im lying when i respond “miss u 2″ and that isnt fair at all and i hate it i hate feeling like im lying to my friends i hate that i dont miss them i hate that this semester is supposedly the best semester of my life and i still have to convince myself not to step in front of a bus sometimes and i hate that The Brain Demons are clawing my stomach out from the inside but at least i havent purged in a while so there’s that and usually i can talk myself out of other self harm shit

and putting the content of my complaining post in the tags is to warn people if they read it but also it’s gonna make some people like OH NO UR IN DANGER LET ME READ THIS and i dont ?? i dont want that???????? but i also do???? good fucking lord i hate being such an attention whore

i hate that im a whore in general

like i dont regret any sexploits ive had whatever but i hate that i feel jealous of some people because i dont want to monopolize their lives and i dont want to prevent them from sharing love w other people i jsut want people to cuddle and kiss and be romantic with and it hurts but i also cant ocmplain abt it with my friends bc they also are like dammit i want a partner and me i have a few consistent sex partners but i want romantic partners but i need to change the people with whom i spend my time because they are not great for my mental health and i hate that bc i love them dearly but im destroying myself just in a different way from last year

the people i loved last year are driving me up a goddamn wall and i hate that i hate that i hate that so much bc i still care about them but im such an idiot i cant stand up for what feels right or against what feels wrong to me bc ill jsut get yelled at and i know that means i shouldnt be close to them im so hurting today

everything feels like too much and im shaking and still avoiding responsibilities and idk if writing this post is gonna get it out of my head enough bc on one hand i might tire myself out and not feel the need to write about it more to people and not have to bother them or like idk continue distracting conversations or maybe having people worry and try to talk to me will give me something to ignore so i can make myself write my paper idfk!!!!!!!!! but on the other hand uhh what if this is just going to make me fixate even more on my problems im screaming in sid e

oh ps im realizing that my family dynamic, while much much miuchn much much better than so fuckin many other people (feels conceited to say but im grateful for it and feel i cant or shouldnt talk abt it in case it triggers something in those with shitty home situations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) im recognizing that smth about the dynamic feels unstable as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what if i finish my paper, turn it in, sit for 20 minutes of class, go breathe, come back for the end

idfk othe rstudents need to talk to the prof too i cant monopolize him with the same content from my email to him and the same “i need help but idk what help i need” statement from last week or whatever

idk

idk idk idk will summer help me at all? will i live at home? will that be better or worse for me? can i remove all the materialism from my life? obv no but i feel i need to get rid of everything i own to cleanse myself of whatever and also i feel like cutting my own stomach and other organs out of myself but i obv cant and promise i wont try that lol

what work will i have or internships i dont have money i feel trapped will i hate myself forever will i be stuck in loops forever i will absolutely live long enough to find out and i will overcome things but like jesus chriiiiiiiiiiiiist im Not Good rn im sorry

yells

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  Hope your day is going well so far!  Congrats on the new sofa, and on getting it up the stairs (did you at any point develop the urge to start shouting “Pivot!  Pivot!” ? XD [Sorry, can’t help myself, it’s where my brain immediately went.])  My home reno I’m currently avoiding is getting my Christmas tree up.  I have managed to get the boxes out of my storage unit to my apartment, and managed to clear a (hopefully) big enough space, but I can only seem to do things in fits and spurts today before either my spoons or my focus give out for a while.

Because I have terrible impulse control, I looked at the family tree despite knowing I’d get spoiled.  (But I mean, knowing where it’ll end up doesn’t mean I know how it’ll get there, so.)  Since I did that on a break at work yesterday, it meant I got to spend a large chunk of my shift alternating between internally ferally screaming over the continuing SPN saga, and internally ferally screaming over the things I’d managed to guess correctly about future chapters and the things I didn’t see coming at all.  Gotta say, it at least helped keep me distracted during a very long, short-staffed shift.  Not gonna lie, it took me a minute to figure out the letter code in people’s names.  At first I was like, “oh, a middle initial”, then I realized it was the same few letters, and who had what, and felt like an idiot. XD  I noticed there wasn’t a (T) in Isaac’s name, and now I’m curious if he stays human, or you just haven’t added that detail yet.  (Also, Jesus, I both can’t imagine what Chris and Noah might do to Mr. Lahey, and kinda really want to see some epic smackdown at the same time.)  And holy shit, do the boys know the truth about Scott’s parentage?  Because if not that is a massive angst bomb about to drop on the three of them (because of everything that happened with Claudia).  I feel the need for a drink just thinking about it.

Also, that SPN shit is getting wilder by the day.  I think Misha may have put out some sort of video earlier about the reactions and theories, but I haven’t actually watched it to see if it’s shade or towing the party line.  I feel very “I don’t really go here, but I did do a semester abroad here and enjoyed it immensely so now I feel unwillingly invested in the outcome” about the whole thing.  I also really, REALLY want to scream at my friend who also watches about all of it, but she didn’t see the last few episodes, and is militantly anti-spoiler, so I just have to sit here and quietly vibrate with impatience until she some day sees the ending.  (Or someone else spoils it and I don’t have to take the blame. XD )

And I’m really glad you liked the story!  I was kinda worried about that one, so I’m glad its gotten so much love.  Although it’s also kinda funny to me, because it’s the one that’s most likely to cause thoughts like “oh, I could have phrased that better” or “jesus, I’ve got to stop using that word so often” when I read through it.  

So I’ve seen that Doctor Who post you shared, but never that version of it, and I love it because it is completely right about Torchwood, and also leaves out my least favorite character from the summary, who is very much like an older, female version of Scott.  Same tendency towards narcissistic arrogance, and irritating self-righteousness.  I could rant for days about it (don’t worry, I won’t. XD )  Anyway, I was very amused by the whole thing.

I feel like there were other things (there usually are), but I’ve also just remembered that I had dishes sitting in a sink full of water, and I should really probably check on those.  ’>.>  Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better, and I look forward to whatever creative outlet you eventually decide on, because it’ll be great either way.  (And if my brain lets me focus that long I’ll try to come up with some Noah headcanons for your post!)  Take care!  *Hugs to you both!*

Sup B? My day went alright I guess? Said new sofa arrived at 9 am and was big enough to completely block the doorway. And bulky enough and the stairs small enough that getting it up the stairs was a matter of trying to wrestle an object of 86 pounds up an area that is smaller than said object, on my own, while I don’t have the strength to lift it above my head. And having a turn in the stairs meant that at some point I had to slip under the couch, got stuck between the couch and the wall and couldn’t get out. Almost called 112 (911 for Dutch people) because I got so stuck it was crushing my ribs but then my phone dropped out of my pocket and I couldn’t reach it.

It was then that I remembered a trick from my days as a tree climber (from when I was a kid and climbed a lot of trees and other places), which was, arms up, tummy in. Though my goddamn boobs got in the way (I seriously want these off and I can’t wait for surgery.) And I slipped free enough to end up on the other end where I proceeded to somewhat lift the couch up enough to eventually get it on the plateau of the hallway. Where I put it on one end and scooted it into my apartment. 

But yeah that was an adventure, the couch got lightly damaged in the process and I am hurting all over. But, I succeeded. I was out of commission for the rest of the day though. Didn’t do much beside that. And I didn’t have a pivot! pivot! moment. Mostly because 1. I never really watched friends, and whenever it is on tv I quickly zap to another channel. 2. There was no room to pivot or turn it. This is a small ass stairs in a small ass house in a small ass country XD.

And hey, those are good accomplishments! You got your boxes, check 1, you cleared your space, check 2, you can be proud of that! I’m proud of you. And I’m very curious as to what your Christmas tree is going to look like ^^.

Because I have terrible impulse control, I looked at the family tree despite knowing I’d get spoiled.  (But I mean, knowing where it’ll end up doesn’t mean I know how it’ll get there, so.)  Since I did that on a break at work yesterday, it meant I got to spend a large chunk of my shift alternating between internally ferally screaming over the continuing SPN saga, and internally ferally screaming over the things I’d managed to guess correctly about future chapters and the things I didn’t see coming at all.  Gotta say, it at least helped keep me distracted during a very long, short-staffed shift.  Not gonna lie, it took me a minute to figure out the letter code in people’s names.  At first I was like, “oh, a middle initial”, then I realized it was the same few letters, and who had what, and felt like an idiot. XD  I noticed there wasn’t a (T) in Isaac’s name, and now I’m curious if he stays human, or you just haven’t added that detail yet.  (Also, Jesus, I both can’t imagine what Chris and Noah might do to Mr. Lahey, and kinda really want to see some epic smackdown at the same time.)  And holy shit, do the boys know the truth about Scott’s parentage?  Because if not that is a massive angst bomb about to drop on the three of them (because of everything that happened with Claudia).  I feel the need for a drink just thinking about it.

This is making me smile in one of those, hehehehehe gleeful ways only an author can smile in. Making my day here. And I’m glad I could provide that distraction for you. And the letter coding is (H (human), T (turned), W (Werewolf), K (Kitsune), Ban (Banshee), B (Beta, since that is basically the ‘trans’ coding), HH (Hellhound), D (druid) ) And I think that’s all of the coding I’m using right now. I didn’t fully update it yet, I generally do bits and pieces when writing something is not working but I do want to work on OUAT. So Isaac will be turned in the story, I just hadn’t added the T yet. Also not sure what I’ll keep on Chris just yet. Still debating on that one.) Some of the names might also still change. (as in baby boom #2 to keep it easy) 

And Mr. Lahey, oh he’s gonna get it. Isaac is just gonna be unofficially adopted into the family even before he ends up with the person he ends up with. (hopefully that’s vague enough for tumblr XD)

Everybody loves Isaac, Kyra, and Lydia. Scott though, well, he needs to grow and convince the people around him, especially the person he ends up with. That’s gonna be something of a road trip too. 

And no, neither the young generation or our boys know about Scott’s parentage. Peter has always suspected, but Mel never wanted to confirm it. When Noah learns, when Stiles, Malia and Scott learn.. Shit’s gonna hit the fan again. I already bought an extra bottle of wine to write it.

Yeah man, I can barely keep up with the rollercoaster that is SPN right now. But it’s SO compelling! Omg! I haven’t cared about this show in three years and suddenly it’s all back in my life and I don’t know how to feel. I honestly stopped watching again after they killed off Gabriel for the second time, and never got back into it. Until now. jfc.

I honestly loved it and despite it being 3 am when I read it I can still very clearly recall what happened and still smile. Which is a very good thing! I actually have your first fic open in a tab rn and once my brain wants to cooperate again, I’ll read that too because I honestly just really love your writing. You’re really good at it! Also remind me to rec all of your fics, I think I forgot that last night but I meant to. And sorry for the rambling, despite my day it is once again 2 am XD.

Hope your day has been going well too! I’ve almost finished recording all the needed episodes from Season 1 to start giffing for OUAT and will let you know when I can start posting. Hope your dishes went well too, and let me know if you have any headcanons, would love to hear them <3.

Now I am turning in though, I’m starting to fall asleep. Take care and lots of hugs from me and Mo. <3

[singulari-taee]

Mr. Smartass [M]

What happens when you get partnered with know-it-all, Kim Namjoon, for a class project?

4k / smut / college!AU

“You will be partnered with...Namjoon Kim.”

Your professor’s words hung in the air, tension filling the large classroom.

Your fists clenched by your sides, trying your best to keep a neutral expression because you knew all eyes were on you, waiting for a reaction. Despite praying to be matched with your best friend, your professor’s “random” selection process had other plans. Just your luck, you had been partnered with the resident class know-it-all.

   Just perfect.

   Namjoon was an exchange student from South Korea that had come earlier in the semester, though you honestly wouldn’t have known he wasn’t born in the States because his accent was almost unnoticeable. There’s always been some palpable tension between the two of you, even dating back to the first day of class. Whenever you went to answer a question, he would refute it with some smartass comment. The two of you would go on for minutes, debating heatedly back and forth from across the classroom while everyone looked on like they were waiting for things to get violent (and it almost did, several times you had to stop yourself from throwing your textbook at his perfectly groomed head).

   You both were undoubtedly the best students in the class, though, if Namjoon’s grade was even a decimal point higher, you knew it was because he kissed the professor’s ass way more than necessary.

   Your professor continued reading the rest of the pairs from his list and you took a deep breath, thinking of ways to get out of this assignment.

   “I’m expecting great things from you all,” he said, looking between you and Namjoon with a smile before sending a wink in your direction. Your jaw dropped; this was definitely a setup, “Class is dismissed! Don’t forget to meet up with your partners before you leave and exchange emails and phone numbers!” he called over the sound of thank you’s and chairs scraping against the floor.     Putting your pride aside, you rose from your chair and walked to the other end of the room, rolling your eyes as you passed your best friend. She was gave you a pitiful smile as she spoke to her partner, a boy with a headful of greasy curls that covered half his face.

You finally made it over to him, and his eyes were trained on something he was reading on his phone.

“Namjoon,” you said cordially.

“Y/N,” he replied dryly, not even bothering to look up from the device.

“What’s your email?” you asked.

“I think phone numbers would be better. Faster communication is more efficient don’t you think?” he asked in that deep voice you hated so much, boastful eyes lifting to meet yours.

Your jaw clenched in annoyance and you painted on a smile, opting to keep it civil, “Sure.”

You traded phones and tapped your number into the sleek device, amazed.  He had the same phone as you, except his was the newest model that had only been out for a couple days, if that. You’d heard that he was rich, which would explain how he managed to live in the best student apartments as a freshman. You had even seen him whip out of the student parking lot before in a rather expensive looking BMW, shades on as he looked in your direction haughtily before speeding off. Suddenly his arrogance had a lot more meaning.

He held your phone out with a limp wrist, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for you to finish typing. You scoffed at his nerve, taking even longer just to get under his skin. You snatched your phone away and put his on the desk instead of his waiting hand.

“I’ll call you, don’t call me,” you said turning on your heels and walking out of the class, leaving the boy dumbfounded.

You were splayed out on your bed, phone to your ear, “He’s such a smartass! ‘I think phone numbers would be better. Faster communication is more efficient’ like okay, maybe, but just shut up and take my email, asshole!” you ranted.

Your best friend snorted on the other line, “Be grateful, at least you got him and not Reeking Randall. He literally smells like piss and energy drinks, Y/N! I felt my nose hairs singe every time I tried to breathe,” she whined, “And I swear I saw him pick his nose and eat it when he thought I wasn’t looking.”        You felt your phone buzz on your ear, and you looked at your screen in confusion at the message that flashed across it:

Namjoon: Let’s meet up in the library tonight at 10. Best to get an early start.

“What the hell?”

“Exactly!”

“No, guess who texted me?”

“Your mom…?”

“Mr. Smartass.”

“Shut up! What he say?”

“He wants to meet me at 10 in the library. It’s a Friday night and the project isn’t due for another week. I almost feel bad for him, he really must not have a life.”

“So what are you going to do?”

You stopped to reassess. While people were out at parties, here you were in your pajamas, sprawled out on your bed on the phone in a face mask. In all honestly, it didn’t look like you had much of a life right now either. And if you got most of the project done tonight, you wouldn’t have to see him again outside of class.

It was a win-win situation.

“I’ll do it,” you sighed into the other line as you typed

  You: I told you not to call me.

   Namjoon: Actually I’m not calling you, I’m texting you so :)

   You: Calling was a general term, meaning don’t initiate communication with me via cellular device at all if you really want to get specific :)

   Namjoon: Well here I am so :)       You: :)

   Namjoon: Look are you coming to the library at 10 yes or no?

   You: Yeah

   Namjoon: Great, bring your textbook, a notebook, and your laptop.

   You: I was already going to so thanks for nothing

   “You’re going? Wow, look at you being the bigger person,” she mused, “You might hate me for saying this but Namjoon is kinda...cute?”

   You cringed, “I know you’re not talking about Sir. Know-it-all, smartass, ‘Well actually I read a study on that’, Namjoon Kim.”

   “I don’t know, maybe it’s the height and the dimples that do it, but you have to say he’s not bad looking.”

“He’s nothing special,” you shrugged.

“Lie if you want to, but I have to go scam that sophomore Seokjin out of a free pizza. Have fun with Namjoon,” she said suggestively, and you knew she was wiggling her eyebrows.

“Not if I’m lucky,” you muttered before hanging up, staring up at your ceiling  wondering why you agreed to join the devil himself.

At 9:50 you were approaching the library, hoodie pulled tightly as it was dotted with raindrops.          You: I’m almost there, where are you? You typed.

   Your phone buzzed a second later.

  Namjoon: I’ve been here for the past 20 minutes. 4th floor.

You couldn’t help but laugh. Of course he was.

When you walked through the door of the grand building, you didn’t know what you were expecting. The entire place was a ghost town, no one there besides a couple dead looking desk workers, because nobody in their right mind would be at the library at 10 pm on a Friday if they didn’t absolutely have to be.          You rode the elevator up, and when you turned the corner you saw Namjoon sitting alone at a table. His books were spread out in front of him as he typed something into his computer, a look of concentration etched onto his face. When he heard the ding of the elevator he looked at your approaching figure.

   “You’re finally here,” he said.        “What do you mean ‘finally’? I’m actually early,” you said.

   “I’ve still been waiting for 20 minutes.”        “You did that to yourself, Einstein,” you sat your backpack down on the floor and began taking your hoodie off.

   Namjoon’s eyes scanned over your outfit silently as you unpacked your bag. You were wearing a V-neck t-shirt that dipped down low enough to show a hint of cleavage, and your favorite pair of leggings that hugged your curves snuggly. They were the first things at the top of your hamper and you threw them on without as much as a second thought. Namjoon averted his eyes when you sat down and looked at him.

   “So I was thinking we could do our project on the role socioeconomic status plays in character development in early 1800s literature.”

   His face scrunched up, “Nah, that’s like borderline high school level stuff. We have to dig deeper.”        You rolled your eyes, “Okay then do you have any bright ideas?”

   “I’m glad you asked that,” he said, pulling out a thick packet of printed sheets from a folder, “There. The portrayal of race relations in Korean War literature and how they differ between the States and Korea. See, its sophisticated and also challenges any preconceived notions.”

   You held the heavy pages in your hand, “When did you have time to do all this research? We literally just got the assignment 2 days ago.”

   He rolled his eyes, “Please, I saw this assignment on the syllabus at the beginning of the semester. I’ve had those pages for months.”

   You huffed and slid the pages back across the table, “Why the hell do you have so much information? It’s a class project not a senior thesis, Jesus.”        “I like to be thorough,” he said,

   “Whatever, I still think my idea is better,  it actually follows the prompt.”

   “Well I know mine is better, so just go with it.”

   “No,” you fought, “I even checked my subject with Professor Dawson during office hours and he said it was terrific, so why don’t you stop being difficult, listen to the man, and do it?”        “Because unlike him, I won’t settle for your mediocrity.”

   “Mediocrity? You want to know what was mediocre, Namjoon? Your in class response to Shakespeare's Sonnet 18, asshole.”

Namjoon put his tongue in his cheek, annoyed. You folded your arms and smirked,  “Look, I’m doing our project on race relations. Now you can do your little ‘Intro to 10th Grade English’ project if you want, but I’m doing my own thing.”

“Well fine! Make it harder for yourself, I’m doing our project the way I want.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

You both went silent as you began typing furiously at your laptops, the 4th floor filled with the sounds of tapping keys and angrily scribbled notes. Never in your life had you met someone as full of himself as the boy sitting across from you. Who knew the rich kid with the personality of a wet gym sock could make your blood boil this way.

As you typed fervently, you looked across your computer at him. He was concentrated, his face scrunched up, revealing the dimples your best friend had mentioned earlier. You had never been this close to him for this long before, and wondered how you had missed this feature altogether. As he took notes, you watched how his slender fingers held the pencil, the veins across his arms showing as the tool danced across the page. He wore a tan, long sleeved cotton shirt and sweatpants, 2 very out of character wardrobe pieces for him. Namjoon never came to class in anything more casual than a button up, wanting to make a ‘good impression’. The way the material clung to his body was almost...attractive?

You had to reel yourself back in. Namjoon? Attractive? You had to admit, the boy wasn’t ugly, nowhere near it. But his wise guy personality took him down a few notches in your eyes. If he didn’t act the way he did, the two of you probably would be friends right now, instead of working separately on a partner project that was worth 20% of your final grades.

His glasses hung on the tip of his nose, giving him a look that could only be described as sophisticated yet sexy. You almost slapped yourself. You attributed your unacceptable thirst to the fact that it was a Friday night and you were horny, and instead of getting some, you were stuck in a library with this asshole.

But even you had to admit, he did look really good tonight--

“Enjoying the view?” he asked, eyes boring into yours over his glasses.

“Hardly,” you said, straightening up. You realized you had been biting your lip the entire time.

“Whatever you say. How’s your research coming along?”

“Perfect, I have two more sources to find and then I should be in the final stages, you?”

“I’m done.”

You stared blankly, “Done? How the hell are you already done with a 6 page paper and an entire powerpoint presentation?”     “I work quickly, efficiently, thoroughly,” he shrugged, “That’s probably why I have the highest average in the class.”

   He said that knowing it would strike a chord with you, and he smirked when he saw your expression darken, “You say that like you’re so sure.”

   “I am,” he said, “Why else would Professor Dawson recommend me for that upcoming summer internship,” you bust out laughing, throwing your head back obnoxiously, “What’s so funny?”

   “The fact that you think you’re special,” you said, “He also recommended me for that internship, and for a tutoring job in the department next semester.”

   “You? A tutor? My prayers are with those kids and their GPAs.”

   “Fuck you”

   “Wouldn’t you like to,” he replied.

   You chuckled, your subconscious beating away the thoughts that swooned at the idea.  

   “Woah, you are so full of yourself! No thank you, I’ll pass.”

   “The way you were just staring holes into my face says otherwise,” he challenged.        “I was trying to decide the best way to kill you and make it look like an accident. Right now I’m up to 3 ideas.”

   “Whatever, all the other girls want a piece of this, it’s okay to be a fan.”

   “A piece of what?” you asked, looking around the library, “I can’t find anything anyone would want a piece of.”        “The girls love me.”

   “Sounds fake but okay,” you said, shaking your head.

   “What about you? I don’t see any boys lining up to court you.”        “You don’t have to see it, just know it’s actually happening unlike the little delusion you’re living.”

   “Sounds fake but okay,” he mocked.

   “If you get a girl you probably don’t know how to keep her satisfied long enough to stay,” you said matter of factly.

   “I don’t know how to keep a girl satisfied?” he asked, an eyebrow raised.

   You nodded, “You seem like the type that when a girl gives you directions on how to touch her, you’d be like ‘I know what I’m doing’ and she never cums because you can’t follow simple instructions.”

“Wrong, I always put my partner’s pleasure first,” he corrected, “Shows you how much you know about me.”

Your eyebrow raised involuntarily, “Do you really?”

“Like I said, I work thoroughly,” he winked, “in all aspects.”

His words stayed suspended as the two of you stared at each other. His dimples showed once again as he smiled at your dumbfounded expression. You could feel your face heating up at the prolonged silence as you thought over his words.

All aspects. Oh God, it was too late and you were too horny for this.

Your legs clenched together as you took in his perfect teeth and deep dimples, feeling the butterflies in your stomach morph into a restless feeling in your core. How could he be smart, rich, and good looking? It just wasn’t fair.

You tried to busy yourself with whatever was on your laptop, but you could feel his eyes on you. You didn’t dare to look up, or you knew you’d be done for. He looked over you again, taking in the way your eyes scanned over your screen as you refused to look at him. The left out curls from your messy bun fell into your face, making you look almost dainty. He would be lying if he said you weren’t cute. Sure, you had a smart mouth, but no other girl ever had a comeback for the things he said like you did. It was kind of refreshing. His eyes went down to your shirt, zoning in on the way your exposed chest looked as your arms pushed your boobs together. Did you always have boobs? It was kind of hard to notice when you were screaming at each other across the classroom.  

You decided it to risk it just once. You looked up for a second, and when you did, you saw that his eyes were trained on your exposed cleavage and you immediately sat up straight and crossed your arms. Your chair scratched against the floor loudly as you backed away and stood up, “I’m going to go look for more sources,” you muttered before walking away.

Namjoon watched you retreat, vision trained on your ass and the sway of your hips in your leggings. His sweatpants suddenly felt tighter. Unsure of what possessed him in that moment, he placed his glasses on the table and followed you.

You internally screamed at yourself, wondering how of all people, resident class smartass Kim Namjoon was making you all hot and bothered tonight. Just minutes ago you were fighting like cats and dogs and then suddenly you were talking about sexual pleasure. Flustered beyond words, you walked to the very last shelf in the back of the floor.  

In the quiet, you heard footsteps come up behind you, and suddenly the dusty books on the shelves were incredibly interesting. You kept your eyes trained on them, but by the sound of it, he was standing directly behind you in the tight space.

   “Why are you following me? I thought you were done,” you said in a more timid voice than you’d like.

   “Just looking around.”

   You ignored him, and continued to comb through the texts, still aware of how close he was. Out of nowhere, he came up even closer behind you, reaching over your head for a book with his chest pressed against your back.

You froze, “You’re so close,” you said dumbly.

“You don’t want me to be?” he asked, mouth pressed against your ear.

You had forgotten how deep his voice was, the sound like honey as it sent a shiver up your spine, your breathing shallow. If you weren’t mistaken, you could feel his length on your butt through his sweatpants.     Slowly, you turned around to meet his stare. You had never seen that look in his eyes before, the only way to describe it was hungry. Your eyes shifted down to his plump lips. They looked so soft, and from the feeling in your core you could tell you were craving some part of him. He looked at you, waiting for permission to push forth, and you nodded, meeting his lips in the middle.        Almost immediately it was a fight for dominance. He held the nape of your neck as he deepened the kiss, you gripping his hair to get a better angle. He pushed you against the bookshelf, hearing some books hit the floor in the process. His lips were as soft as they looked and you absolutely despised him for it. You were angry now, how was he also a good kisser? You wondered how this was happening, and most importantly, why you were actually kissing him back and enjoying it.

   “You’re so fucking annoying,” you manage to get out, grabbing his shoulders and pushing him to the opposite shelf.

   “And you don’t know when to shut the fuck up,” he growled.

   He grabbed your leg and hoisted it up to his side roughly. Your foot was on the shelf as he grabbed your ass in his hand, squeezing it and eliciting a moan out of you even though you tried to choke it back. You hated the way he got this reaction out of you.

   “You like that?” he asked.

   “Maybe,” you responded. You began to grind your hips into his bulge, and when you heard him hiss you smiled in satisfaction. He squeezed your ass again, this time smacking it loudly. You clutched onto him as you moaned again, “Fuck you,” you said, grinding deeper into him.

   All of his touches were rough, harsh in his attempt to gain control over the situation. But by how hard he was already, it was obvious he was losing the battle. He paused for a second as he got an idea.

   Suddenly, the hand that was on your ass disappeared, and found itself playing with the hem of your leggings. Before you knew it, it was already dipping inside your underwear.

   “Lace, my favorite,” he commented.

   “I didn’t put it on for you, don’t be so cocky.”

   You felt his long fingers touch your clit and you flinched at the sudden sensation, “Wait there’s probably cameras everywhere.”

   “I’m 90% positive there’s no working cameras up here. And even if there were who’s checking them?”

   You remembered the workers at the desk from earlier. You knew they had monitors to check the cameras on every floor, but whether or not they were for show you weren’t sure. But if you two were being watched, they sure were awake now.

   Though, when you felt him circle around your clit with his index finger, suddenly none of it mattered anymore.

   His fingers played back and forth over your slit, all the while he stood kissing and sucking at the sensitive parts of your neck. Your mouth was open, reveling in the feeling. You were dripping now, all you wanted was to feel him inside of you. As if on queue, he slipped two fingers into your wet core. You gasped and wrapped your arms around his neck.

   “No warning?!”

   “Oops,” he said.

   He began to pump his digits slowly, testing the waters and watching your face for a reaction. You tried to keep it expressionless, but you couldn’t help it when your eyes rolled to the back of your head. How was he good at this too?

   “Faster,” you breathed.

He pumped in and out of you quickly, his fingers curling inside. Your breathing was shallow, and your grip on him was getting tighter and tighter. You knew you would be unwinding any second now if he kept it up like this.

He began to move his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion, right at your g-spot and you moaned loudly in the near silent floor.

“Be quiet!”

“Make me!” you challenged.

With his free hand, he covered your mouth, still fingering you hard and deep to silence the moaning mess you had become. It was all too much, and with your leverage, you rode his fingers, swiveling your hips around them as he bit his lip. He used his thumb to rub your swollen clit and you knew it was over.

“Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you gasped.

“Cum for me, baby.”

Grinding onto his palm one last time, you came undone. You tightened around him, shaking as you saw stars.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” was all you could say as you came down from your high, breathing heavily. That was the best orgasm you've ever had with anyone, period, “I’ll give it to you, you are thorough.”

“Wow you’re finally admitting I’m good at something?”

You shrugged, “I guess you do know how to do more than be a smartass.”

He pulled his long fingers out of you, looking you in the eyes and sucking them dry. His tongue went in between the digits to get every last drop. Your mouth opened in shock.

“Just being thorough,” he said.

“Excuse me,” said a voice, making you untangle yourself from Namjoon and jump back, “Whoever is behind the bookshelf, just make sure you clean up after yourself. I don’t get paid enough to deal with bodily fluids.”

You held your mouth as your face heated up in embarrassment, Namjoon staring like a deer in the headlights, unsure of your next move. You looked over at the wall clock: 12:05. You had forgotten...the school cleaning crew came at midnight.

“I let you all finish, I know you’re back there, don’t be all shy now!”

You and Namjoon sighed before walking out from behind the bookshelf, coming face to face with a middle aged woman that looked like she had had enough of this shit. You smiled apologetically as you walked past, darting to the table to pack up your stuff and make it to the elevator. You hurried inside, slamming the close button and sinking against the walls as you broke out into laughter.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” you said.

“Me neither,” Namjoon said breathing heavily, dimples showing full force.

He reached out and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers. You let it happen, feeling warm and fuzzy when he touched you so simply. You both looked down at your hands, wondering why it just felt so good.

The door dinged as you made it to the first floor.

“So what now? We still have to finalize the project,” he said.

“The night is young, we could go to my place…”

“Oh really?” he asked lifting a brow and pulling you closer.

“Let me show you how thorough I can be.”