#first fic for a new fandom is always the most nerve wracking!

[swanmaids]

original character-focussed fic recs

One of the best feelings for me as a fic writer in this fandom is when somebody tells me that they liked one of my original characters. Character creation can be hard work and nerve-wracking, so it’s really rewarding whenever people tell me that it’s paid off. This fandom has a wealth of fantastic, memorable original characters, so I wanted to make a recommendation list of some of my favourite fics that feature them. The fics in this list are a range of lengths, ratings, warnings, and themes, and I’m hoping everyone will be able to find something to their taste here.

Of course this list is not exhaustive, and I’m always open to more recommendations!

All the splendour they could bear by asterisq; t, 1k, cntw.

The Ar-Pharazôn (& Sauron) regime commissions art for the temple. The artist tries to survive the assignment.

Bitter Heart, Bitter Heart by thegreatpumpkin; f!Galathil/OFC, t, 20k, nawa.

She had loved her brother better once. She had loved them all better once; but too many times she had swallowed bitterness, and now her heart was all sown with ashes and salt. Noble Celeborn, wise Celeborn, shining in his place beside the king! Galathil was reminded at every turn of the ways in which she did not measure up.

The Bread Maker’s Lament by havisham; Morwen & OFC, t, 1k, nawa.

A young woman, living in First Age Hithlum, grapples with grief and loss, and bakes bread.

The Carpenter’s Son by @kareenvorbarra; OFC/OMC, m, 9k, rape/noncon.

An untold story of conquered Dor-lómin, in which an Easterling carpenter has a child by his Hadorian slave.

The Constant Gardner by tehta; OFC & Egalmoth, t, 4k, nawa.

Running Yavanna’s errands in First Age Middle-earth is a tough job, but someone has to do it.

To die in the light by @skyeventide; Maedhros & OFC, m, 6k, violence.

A thrall escapes Angband. This is the journey of what comes after.

Dwell in death’s shadow by @undercat-overdog; Curufin/Wife, g, 3.5k, nawa.

A child eavesdrops on an argument he was never meant to hear.

an ecstatic accident by void and fire by Chestnut_Pod; g, 0.5k, nawa.

Follow the blue roads of Arda.

The Elf Who Circumnavigated Arda in a Ship of Their Own Making by @arofili​; OC & OFC, g, 1k, nawa

Three letters home from a Telerin adventurer.

Far Too Many of You Dying by @starspray; OFC & Teleri, t, 1k, cntw.

After the Noldor depart, Alqualondë is left reeling.

Four Winters by @aipilosse; Celegorm & OFC, t, 6k, nawa.

Four winters in the life of Gwíneth, daughter of Urthel. A rescue, a hunt, a fall, and the abyss.

His Hour Had Come by @polutrope; Saeros & OFC, g, 1k, nawa.

Saeros' daughter reflects on the life and actions of her father.

Lost at Sea by starspray, Uinen & OFC, 0.4k, g, nawa.

An Avarin elf accidentally gets lost at sea and gets stuck halfway onto the Straight Road. Uinen helps out.

These Newborn Shores by @kazaera; t, 14k, nawa.

It's the early Second Age and the Host of the Valar have just departed. The disparate refugees now sitting on the new shores of Lindon, tasked with building the fleet of Númenor even as they are still reeling from Beleriand's destruction, must find a way to move forward despite their losses.

Figuring out where to get their clothes from would be a good place to start.

Not by the Hand of Man by Sath, Tar-Miriel/OFC, e, 7k, nawa.

After his chief priestess is assassinated, Sauron summons his most powerful servant, a woman of Far Harad, to Númenor.

on a long road (miles to go) by Solanaceae, g, 5k, cntw.

Andreth in the House of Adanel.

One Who Holds by @slightnettles Elrond & OFC, g, 4k, nawa.

As the War of Wrath and the breaking of Beleriand approach, a woman of the Easterlings meets a young Elrond.

SeaLight by Anerea; g, 0.3k, nawa.

A Telerin Elf's first experience of the waters of Belegaer, at the end of the Great Journey.

A Seduction by The_Wavesinger; Tar-Miriel/OFC, e, 2k, cntw.

Tar-Míriel attempts to take revenge on her husband by seducing his sister.

Si la mar fuera de leche by Chestnut_Pod, Elros/OFC, Elros & OCs, t, 23k, nawa.

Ten years after the Valar pulled Númenor dripping from the sea, Elros receives a visitor.

Starlit Waves by raiyana; Cirdan/OFC, m, 2k, nawa.

“Congratulations, my love, you have made a plank. Yet again.”   Dry tones teased his ears softly, the silent footsteps of his beloved Ngilith giving him no warning of her approach.

Talathien by maerzkindt; Haleth & OFCs g, 7k, nawa.

Linnoril, a woman from the group later known as House of Hador, returns to her mother's folk of the Haladin and joins the guard. An exploration of reconnecting, forming new bonds and playing fast and loose with First Age Edain lore.

The Thousand Stories by herenortherenearnorfar; OFC/OFC, t, 19k, mcd.

They're important, the myths people tell about themselves, about their histories. You can learn a lot from a tale or seven.

A Traitor’s Issue by herenortherenearnorfar; OFC & OFC,t, 16k, violence.

Ulfang's daughters(in-law) seek aid in the aftermath. Reckoning with their own grief and choices (or lack thereof) they navigate Angband, the nightmare they grew up with, now the only place they can turn for help.

The “Unmarried” Queen - Deficiencies in Numenorean Scholarship by Sath; Tar-Telperien/OFC, g, 1k, nawa.

Rosie Cotton and Samwise Gamgee's granddaughter, a scholar of short stature and lofty goals, finds an earth-shattering document being used to steady a table leg in Minas Tirith.

Willow-Meads by Narya_Flame; g, 5k, nawa.

a willow-spirit, some places she went, and the people she met.

the wind that shakes the mountain by platinum_firebird; OFC/OFC, t, 2k, nawa.

The tale of Mazlav, daughter of Temolv, chieftain of the Uzba clan; and of how she met her lover and companion-in-arms, Aalta of Ishahú.

With the Stars in the Darkness and the Love in the Light by Zdenka; Haleth/OFC, Haleth/Goldberry, Nellas/Goldberry, t, 3k, nawa.

At Nienor's request, the women of Brethil share stories and songs about Haleth, the river's daughter, and those they loved.

[msmargaretmurry]

What is writing advice you would give to someone just starting out?

ohhh you know i love to talk about WRITING. this is mainly geared at people just starting out writing fanfic but most of it can probably be applied to original fiction and other types of writing too 💕

first of all: be patient with yourself. like all other skills, writing is something that takes practice to get good at! i've been writing for YEARS and am still constantly learning and growing as a writer. if you're just starting out and you find yourself getting frustrated that the stuff on the page doesn't match the stuff in your head, it does NOT mean you're bad at writing. it just means you need more practice. do you think the first fanfics i wrote were good? no, they were incoherent and you will never find them.

write about things that you're excited to write about. whether this is the most popular pairing in the fandom or a rarepair you made up on your own, go with your passion! i know this can be hard because everyone wants the higher amount of comments and kudos that comes with posting popular pairings, but i promise that writing something you're excited about is like step one in getting yourself to write regularly. literally if you read a story you love and think "i want to write a story like that" then write a story like that! figure out how to take the things you loved in it and make it your own. drop the author a note and say they inspired you!

take all writing advice with a grain of salt. i watch a lot of writing advice videos on youtube, and i read craft books and articles on writing craft, and i've learned a ton of stuff from those over the years, but i've also learned that it's totally okay for me to be like "actually i think i disagree" and do it my way. (this does not apply to basic punctuation and grammar tho. please learn those, or get a beta reader who knows them really well. and then you can tactically decide if/when you want to break the rules sometimes.)

everyone has their own writing process. you can watch a million youtube videos on outlining but if outlining just doesn't work for you, videos aren't going to fic that! i used to outline a lot and now i mostly discovery write (i find the term "pantser" so unserious, lol). it took me a long time to develop a writing process that worked for me, and it'll take you some time, too, so don't be afraid to try new things and then set them back down if you're not working for you.

READ. read read read!!! do not just read fanfiction. do not just read the kind of thing you want to write. read WIDELY. and think about the writing while you're reading! if a fic or book is doing something really well, think about what's making it work. if it's doing something that you don't like, think about why it's rubbing you the wrong way and/or how you would fix it. i always say that even if i wind up not loving a book, i always learn something from it, craft-wise, so i very rarely feel like i wasted my time.

TALK about writing with your friends!! i know this one can be tough if you don't already have friends who are into writing, but i am so serious about it. buddy-read books or fics together and then get together afterward to talk about how you felt about the writing, the plot, the characters, the story as a whole. find someone(s) who will let you bounce your own writing ideas off of them, and who will read as you write to cheer you on and help you with tough spots. do the same for them if they want it! writing is such a solitary act that you have to be deliberate about building community around it, and having that community is so worth it.

on feedback: yes, having someone beta read your story can be pretty nerve-wracking. i have (once again) been writing for years and i still get nervous sending something off to be beta'd. but! having a beta reader you trust is so good for your writing. sometimes it really does just take a second set of eyes to spot typos, find plot holes, call you out on writing quirks and habits that you can't see for yourself because you're too deep in it. and it definitely helps to have a friend whose taste and skill level you trust to help make your story better. have a conversation with your beta beforehand to discuss what kind of feedback you're looking for, the timetable for how long they think the beta reading is going to take, how harsh or gentle they should try to make their feedback. if you're nervous about getting a lot of suggested edits, ask them to point out things they really like in the story as well.

OH ALSO. it's totally fine if you're struggling a lot with a story to just set it down for a while and work on something else. as you keep writing, you'll get better at figuring out what kind of writer's block you can beat by pushing through and what kind you need to deal with by just giving a story time to percolate more.

ok i think that's all i've got tonight. 💖

[cha-melodius]

2023 Fic Year in Review

I've been doing these for three years now, and they always grow each year as I get tagged in other year-end posts that make the rounds. Feel free you grab it if you want to do your own review! And I’d like to add a hearty thank you to each and every person who’s read my fics over the years, y'all continue to make this a joy!

2020 Review | 2021 Review | 2022 Review

AO3 Username: chamel  My Page: Link  Active Fandoms:  Red, White & Royal Blue: 20 works The Man from UNCLE (2015): 8 works Loki: 5 works New Fandoms: None thank GOD Total Number Of Completed Works/Word Count  This Year: 33 works, 278k words  All Time: 113 works, 1.27 million words

This year a little movie that came out in August absolutely destroyed these stats lmaoooo. Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): This Year: Always Where I Need To Be (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 5.5k) All Time: Class(room) Warfare (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 7.8k words)

Most Popular Completed Multi-Chapter (by kudos):  This Year & All Time: Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood  (RWRB, Alex/Henry, E, 20k words)

Events/Challenges: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Gift Exchange 2023, The Brownstone Anniversary Fic Exchange, Halloween Huh?

More reflections, stats, and planned fics below the cut!

Additional Random AO3 Stats

By number of fics: 85% one shots, 15% multi-chaps

By word count: 52% mult-chaps, 48% one shots

Ratings by number of fics: 48% T-rated, 33% E-rated, 15% M-rated

Musical artists contributing highest number of titles: Jeff Tweedy (Tweedy/Wilco) & The New Pornographers, tied at 3 each

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?  Somehow I topped my word count from last year by 10k, which I was not expecting. That said, this year was right about average.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?  God this is a hard question this year because I wrote a lot of fics I really really love. For one single fic I'll go with Nova, Baby, because I love the story and I've got a lot of lovely feelings about it.

Did you complete your writing goals from last year?  The Goal: I want to complete a few large multichapter fics, which will probably mean my one-shot production goes down. I completed one long mulitchap, and then a few mid-length (~20k) multichaps. I think I wrote more of those than I have any other year. Surprisingly, my one-shot production wasn't super significantly decreased.

Do you have any writing goals for the New Year? Ok, I gotta come up with something. My goal is to have a similar mix of fics as least year, and also to write my first collaboration with @cricketnationrise, which will be a long multichap.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Wrote on a topic outside my wheelhouse (therapy 😬) and also posted a fic in a fandom where there weren't a lot of fics in similar genres (action/spies). Now that's no longer true, but at the time it was really freaking nerve-wracking.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Every fic I write in a fandom that's not RWRB? 😅 It's hard to complain too much, especially considering what happened to my numbers this year.

Most fun story to write: All the Old Showstoppers, Will You Brie Mine?, You're the Perfect Gift for Me. Silly RWRB boys being silly, basically.

Biggest disappointment: Again, I feel like it's hard to complain when I have a fic that's closing in on 4k kudos. The goalposts keep moving, don't they, though? I still live in fear of pouring my heart into a multichap and having what will count as "lukewarm" reception, when before this year I didn't have a single fic above 1k kudos.

Biggest surprise: Most definitely Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood. Like I figured it would do pretty well (I hoped, since I put so much into it), but holy shit?? I still can't really believe it's on page 2 of the tag by kudos? And honestly also Always Where I Need To Be, this little one-shot about David stealing glasses.

Coming soon/planned for 2024:

False Dichotomy (RWRB You've Got Mail AU)

Kissed Out (RWRB pro-pool players AU)

RWRB 1940s noir AU

RWRB conductor/piano soloist AU

RWRB hockey AU (with cricket)

A shitload of prompts from my fandom fest

Extremely delinquent MTH fics

TMFU art thief/gallery owner AU

Thank you for the tags on your end-of-the-year fic reviews @loki-is-my-kink-awakening, @kiwiana-writes, @rmd-writes, @lizzie-bennetdarcy, @indestructibleheart, and @welcometololaland!

[withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick]

this come out of nowhere really, I just can't get myself to sleep without sharing this but why in all time travel fanfic. sephiroth seems to be extra aware of his status of " experiment " ??? it just, I don't know. I don't say that sephiroth or even genesis and angeal are stupid but it's strange to me that they seem extremely aware about it in those fanfic. when in crisis core, that piece of Informations seems to be new to them. i mean, do I just see the wrong issue? the way they learn that they are experiment choked them to the core. none of them reacted well? sephiroth just thought that he was special he said it himself.

maybe he lied to himself or the company and hojo did not treat him like we thought they did , at least outside of those experiment. so I find it weird when I read fanfiction that the big 3 already knows and acknowledged it, when that information was one of the big reveal and issues of crisis core.

also sephiroth not technically being 100 % aware of his experiment status means that most of us write hojo extremely wrong when he interacted with sephiroth. I mean, I don't know he seems to snob every one but sephiroth. in ff7, he was just weird, extremely fixed on sephiroth.

or maybe I interpreted it the wrong way ? maybe I am just stupid I don't know. I don't want to say something stupid.

I don’t think this is stupid at all and you are definitely not stupid, lovely! No one is stupid for expressing their opinions, even and especially when those opinions go against the crowd. And nothing’s wrong with a little critique lol, keeps me humble

(long text as always, but main points highlighted red lovelies)

Truth is, most fanfic around Sane!Sephiroth is heavy headcanon, and I am no better. We know (somewhat) that Sephiroth was raised in Nibelheim for some time but obviously didn’t see the townspeople as he has no memory of them, so it’s easier to conclude he was raised in a lab or some other isolated Shinra area. Sephiroth doesn’t actually know much about his origins, neither in canon nor in my fic. He doesn’t even believe he has parents, which he doesn’t cause they’re both ass or dead, but that’s beside the point lol. Sephiroth’s backstory just gives a lot of room for headcanons and the fandom sort of mutually agreed “Yup he’s traumatized as shit” and rolled with it

Now what I definitely took creative liberties with is his confiding in Genesis and Angeal about this childhood trauma. This is a much bigger stretch and more than likely not directly canon, but since I have them in a romantic relationship, there definitely had to be some opening up about what the fuck Hojo was calling Sephiroth into a lab for once a week (back when things were *bad* bad). I think in canon, Genesis and Angeal undoubtedly spotted some things that helped them see that Seph wasn’t completely normal, but they took it in stride because they’re good friends like that.

I would like to clarify one thing: the Firsts are aware that *Sephiroth* was treated badly during his childhood, but only as a SOLDIER child. They don’t have a clue about Jenova and the extent of what Hojo/Hollander/Gast did. Sephiroth doesn’t even know the full extent of what was done to him because as far as he’s aware, he’s a mako SOLDIER with a few gimmicks wired in. Traumatizing? Yes. Inherently monstrous? In his own eyes occasionally, but he’s got other people similar enough to him he can be talked away from it

The introduction of Jenova was nerve wracking and brand new and horrible and gut wrenching. They didn’t ask to be implanted with literal alien cells before their births, doomed to unstable and insane deaths before they’d taken their first steps. Sephiroth grew up a child SOLDIER, but monsters? Artificially made ones perhaps. A little gene splicing, even breeding, like how humanity helped the Liger happen (lion-tiger breed). But monsters that used to be *people*? That was new, and that terrified him. And that’s what sent him into the spiral. So I mean, you’re right. Jenova’s existence does shock them to their core, but Sephiroth’s entire childhood did not revolve around Jenova. Even if his purpose was to be a ‘mock Ancient,’ his developmental years revolved around being a weapon for war.

While I’m on that nofe, I’ve seen some comments on Sephiroth’s “alien cells” comment when he speaks to Zack on things for the first time and I want to clarify: when Sephiroth says alien cells, he meant foreign to the human body, not the fucking earth. None of them have a right clue what Jenova is, just like in canon

Also Everybody Hates Hojo so honestly I don’t think people are concerned? This is a man who was definitely not above experimenting on children, manipulated, nearly killed, and then experimented on a former friend, took advantage of a life/scientific partner for the advancement of an experiment and admitted to having seen her as nothing more than a tool, referred to Aerith as her species rather than a person and planned to literally breed her with another species (facilitated rape, basically), and in the OG game, helps fuel a major mental breakdown of Cloud’s for basically…no fucking reason? Not to mention DoG where he just…decides the planet’s fucking moving lmao. Literally goes “Ah yes, let me follow in my son’s footsteps and genocide the whole population so we can sail the stars :D”

the man is fucking mental regardless. just a personal opinion, but any rendition of Hojo is somewhat accurate if his cruelty is kept. I will admit that my Hojo is more reminiscent of an abusive parent because…that’s sort of what he is, and there’s some projection of my own personal experiences happening

And that’s an aspect of all fiction ofc, and especially fanfiction. Renditions change with authors because authors have different experiences. I can’t begin to tell you all the things I’ve accidentally or purposefully projected into this story.

Honestly I could write more but my eyes keep crossing and I should go to bed myself lol. Your ask really made me think so thanks for submitting! Hope I actually answered you amidst all my nonsense babble, and I hope you get some sleep!!!

[at-thestillpoint]

fic writers asks: 10, 12, 27

[ask me things!]

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

To some extent, all of them! I never really know how something is going to land, and it's always interesting to see what resonates with folks, because it's pretty much never what I think it will be. Mostly, I'm just consistently surprised that people like my writing? On the whole, the feedback I've gotten on all my TG:M fics has been even more enthusiastic and encouraging than I expected, which is why I haven't given it up yet! We can psychoanalyze that too.

12. Do you have a playlist for your current WIP(s)? Share it!

I don't typically have playlists, so much as the one song that inspired the fic that I then play on repeat until it fades into the background and I no longer hear the lyrics.

For the Olympics AU, it's Cruel Summer. For the Sally Jackson fic I'm chipping away at, it's Horses (because it's fitting and also I think I'm funny). I also recently started working on something else for Phoenix/Hangman because of Maggie Rogers's new single, Don't Forget Me ("take my money, wreck my Sundays" is a lance straight to my heart).

The other FWB fic is the exception to this rule. It's a short playlist, but I shared it here previously. I also used this playlist during the writing of the first FWB fic, which was fueled by Electric Touch.

(I'm really not as big of a Swiftie as this answer would imply.)

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

Most recently, I was nervous to post i dreamed you a sin and a lie. It's my first foray into Percy Jackson-land, and it's always nerve-wracking to jump into a brand new fandom, especially such a long-standing one.

Overall though, it was texas man, because that was my first time publishing smut and there's something deeply vulnerable about that.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

hi okay i'm so sorry if this is a bother but i'm literally screaming uh oh my GOSH OKAY

SO i'm the author of this fic !! and your comment literally made my entire life i'm crying right now oh my gosh

okok i just also really want to say a big thank you!! you've been my writing inspo for ages, whenever i need a break from certain fandoms or fanfics i always find myself going back to yours?? and the way i've spent hours just reading your works because your writing style is so . SO . ACDHCISUCIHUS it's just amazing ?? like your fics are the ones i stay up all night reading because i literally cannot stop?? i went on a one-year hiatus and posting another fic since then on ao3 was terrifying,, but your comment just . AGSJCBHSC made me feel so welcomed and at ease 😭 i know it's just a comment and it shouldn't be that big of a deal but man as someone who just . AKSCS loves you and your writing like holy smokes is this the real life???? like?????

OKOK IM SORRY FOR MY OVERUSE OF WORDS IN THIS BUT THANK U ILYSM HAVE AN AWESOME DAY

I HAVE BEEN HOLDING THIS ASK GENTLY FOR THE PAST HOUR HELLO??BGSDLFKMA;WIWEMFA

LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF A BOTHER I'M GBSADL;FAWE

i'm |;A;/ /pos I think this is straight up the most cherished ask i've ever received in my life I'm saving it forever thanksBG;LAKWMFOAWBHEF

Posting new writing fresh off a break can be pretty nerve wracking, I'm still working on getting back in the writing groove since my break tbh gbsdkfmowe, but my guy, my guy, ur writing?? REAL GOOD, REAL GOOD STUFF 10/10. One of the first things Kai Sand did when we got on VC this morning was drop a link to your fic in as many places as he could, and after reading it MAN I CAN SEE WHY, IT'S FIRE WRITING AND CHARACTERIZATION. Even people not in the fandom in our little group read it and liked it, so that says something about the quality. You've got mad skills and I'm glad someone like you is back into writing stuff and doing what they love, even if it was a little scary to put the writing up on ao3 <3

ALSO I'M BGSLDFMA;OWFOAWEM IT MEANS SO FREAKING MUCH TO ME THAT MY COMMENT COULD HELP WITH THE NERVES A BIT, AND I'M STILL |;A;/ OVER U LIKING MY WRITING N STUFF I'M GONNA SOB GBSDFMA;WOIEAMF NOT ME CRYING ON VC OVER THIS ASK BBGSDLFKJSDFLSDF

Anyway, you're lovely, thank you so much for this ask it genuinely just made my day /gen /gen /pos /pos /pos bG;LKAWMEF;OAWEF

For anyone wondering what fic we're talking about its she was my sister before she was your lover ninjago fic HIGHLY RECOMMEND GIVING IT A READ IT'S LOVELY AND HONESTLY INSPIRING MAKES ME WANT TO START WRITING SOME STUFF FOR NINJAGO AGAIN I GOTTA BE HONEST, FR REAL GOOD STUFF

[meetmeatthecoda]

Sorry if this is kind of random, but I've always struggled with finding friends in a fandom because I get too nervous about interacting even in small ways and end up keeping all of my fandom stuff secret, like most of my tumblr reblogs are private and I don't tell anyone about my ao3. But I've recently resolved to work on that, so I'm planning on starting over with a new blog and a new ao3 handle and moving all of my fav old content to it and being more interactive going forward. But...old habits die hard, and since you're so so so kind and friendly, and you're one of those ppl who's known in their (corner of a) fandom, like other writers call you by your name and anons send you prompts/theories/feels and people just!! talk to you about your fics and stuff and!!!, I was wondering if maaaaaaybe you could give some pointers on how to "join"/integrate/idk!!! in a fandom? Sorry if this is a really weird or difficult question aaaa, anything even your own experience would be nice but it's ok if you don't want to answer. Happy early halloween from a debilitatingly anxious anon 💙

Hi there, anon!! ❤️ Omg, firstly let me say that while yes this is an unexpected ask, it is also a very welcome ask!! I can't say I've ever been asked something like this before, but I can also say I've perhaps never related to an ask more before!! I 1000% also... identify as... an anxious person (I'm tip-toeing with my wording here bc - while I have always been an anxious/nervous person, especially socially - I've also not been professionally assessed or diagnosed, which is solely my own doing, but I know that can be a dividing line with this topic sooooo I'll just say that... I believe that I can understand at least a little of how you feel) & fandom can be a very intimidating & nerve-wracking place!! Prior to starting this blog, I was only ever on the outskirts or in the background of the fandoms I was interested in -- The Blacklist was the first fandom I made an effort to actively be a part of, so I know how jumping in with little to no experience can be scary!! Also... ever since I hovered on the edge of fandom - peeking in with envious eyes at active bloggers, shippers, & content-creators - I have always wanted to be someone... well, someone exactly like you so kindly described me: someone who's known in their fandom & has a nickname & is even sent asks & I honestly can't believe it happened to me. And while this is by no means the only or best way to experience fandom, it is so gratifying & heart-warming & fulfilling to be so connected amidst a fandom community, especially a relatively small one like TBL!! BUT enough of my blabbering!! I'm probably the last person qualified to be giving the kind of advice you're asking for, but I'm more than happy to share my experience with you, anon, bc I feel like we're very similar people!! So, I'll list some bullet points below (under a cut bc we all know I never use one word when twenty will do lolz) on my thoughts on how to join/integrate in a fandom... if you'll be so kind as to take it all with a sizable grain of salt LOL 🤗

OKAY SO my first tip - bc this is what I remember doing the most in my baby!blog days - is:

Start by engaging with fandom content in whatever small way you feel comfortable with!! And the best way I found to do this?? Is the tags!! Tags are your friends!! That's literally all I did for the first few seasons of TBL after making this blog!! In my mind, the tags are kind of an optional/extra credit situation; you can leave them if you want to AND people can choose to acknowledge them or not. You can use them as a filing system, a place to leave your own thoughts or feelings (me AF lmfao), OR a dropbox for direct praise for the OP, which they will see in their notes!! Therefore, I've always found that to be the perfect, least stressful way of interacting in a fandom. That way, your perspective is there for anyone who chooses to see it, but people have that choice of whether or not to respond or follow you based on what they see. Plus, finding & engaging with the content you like helps you to follow the people who are making the content you like!! And, once you have, & don't be afraid to TELL THEM you like their content!! People love compliments, especially about things they're passionate about!! And I can tell you from personal experience that some of my best fandom friends were made over a love of each other's content!! On that note -

If you feel inspired, don't be afraid to step up & make your own content!! This will ID you as a fellow active fandom member which will attract the people you want to befriend!! Sidenote: this isn't necessarily why I started writing fanfic, but it was a delightful facet of the result!! Before I was a writer in the fandom, I simply reblogged gifsets & text posts by other talented creators & hesitantly - but slowly more enthusiastically - shared my thoughts & feelings!! And by the time I started writing, my blog was Lizzington-themed & familiar to fellow shippers... And when I became something of a content creator in the form of fanfic, that's when I think I really started getting asks, which is a whole other lovely part of fandom!! Of course, it always helps to be friendly & approachable (which you already are, clearly, just based on this sweet ask!!) & to leave your ask box open & your anons on if you're comfortable with that!! So, when you feel ready, be willing to converse & engage with people in comments & replies on your content, bc people want to bond over their favorite things!! And tbh in that way?? Fandom is sort of easier than real life, bc the awkward phase of "finding common ground" is already done!! OH & ON THAT NOTE -

Try to remember that anxiety is your worst enemy, even in fandom space!! Personally, I've always found fandom a place to let go of the anxiety that plagues me more in real life, but of course it's not that simple & anxiety can still be very present in online interactions!! But try to remember that other people want to make fandom friends too!! And reaching out to someone to try & make a friend is 99% of the time NOT going to be a bother to them. If you feel unsure about reaching out (which I often do!!), just picture being on the receiving end of your kind messages & offers of friendship!! Would you ever be annoyed at someone polite or reject someone kind or shun a fellow member of your fandom?? No!! And the odds are that like-minded people won't either!! But worst case?? They just won't answer & that's okay, too, bc you've lost nothing by trying!! 😍🥰❤️

So yeah, I don't know if this is good advice for you, my dear anon, it's literally just my own experience... but I have to say that I'm so proud of you for wanting to work on your fandom shyness!! (NOT that that's a necessity btw!! I'm a firm believer that SHY /DOES NOT/ = BAD!! Shyness is not a trait that needs to be "fixed" or "worked on" & it is not inherently better or worse than being "out-going", regardless of what the rest of the world likes to tell & show us. It is simply a different, equally good way of being that brings an essential variety to the world.) But the difference here is intent. You WANT to change your fandom experience & therefore you're going out of your way to do so, even though it's tough, & that's very brave!! I'm proud of you!! 😊 Anyway, if this long-ass response hasn't scared you off, feel free to pop back any time, dear anon, whether it's for more (crappy) advice, support from a fellow anxious person, or just to chat about Lizzington or anything!! Good luck to you, my friend, and remember: you can do it!! Much love to you, always!! ❤️

[gra-sonas]

I deeply apologise for this, I honestly don’t have anyone else to talk to about this and you’re so nice and kind that I feel like I could do it with you. Please, ignore me if you want to, you don’t have to answer or post this. I’ve recently started writing fics (my first time doing it), and I’ve published 3 of them so far. But I cannot help but feel like they are bad, that I shouldn’t be writing them. I don’t get many "hits" and the ones that I get, don’t leave kudos or anything which makes me think that people hated it. They are "short" (the longest one has 4000 words) and I feel that that is not enough. I’m just having a hard time. I know that I shouldn’t care about if people like it, if they comment or leave kudos because I’m writing for me and all of that. But I really can’t help feeling like shit about it and comparing myself with other fic-writers out there. And every day I’m struggling with the idea of wanting to just delete everything. Maybe I just don’t have the mental state to deal with things like these and maybe I should just stop. Thank you for reading and I’m sorry again, you don’t have to answer this. Have a great day!

First of all, there's no need to apologize for anything, nonnie. *sends you a looooooooooooong virtual hug*

Secondly, I'm so sorry that you're feeling the way you do. Putting any kind of creativity out there is always nerve-wracking, especially when you're "new" to doing it. I can imagine how difficult this must be for you, especially bc you don't have anyone to talk to about it.

When I posted my first fic (well, technically not the very first, but the handful of things I wrote long before RNM don't really count imo) 3 years ago, I was dying inside. If it hadn't been for lovely fandom friends, I NEVER would've posted it.

As a non-native English speaker I always felt inadequate/not articulate enough to write in English, plus a million other things I thought my writing was lacking, so I never even tried (before RNM I hadn't written anything in over a decade). Until Malex came along and the urge to write was so overwhelming that I gave it a shot.

And man, I'm so happy that I did. But again, I only posted it bc I had friends who beta-read it for me, who encouraged me and told me it wasn't in fact crap. And lo and behold, I've written a couple more fics over time, and I feel more confident about it nowadays (still dying inside tho when I post something new, that will probably never change :P).

Something that's really hard is not comparing your own writing to that of other writers - especially those who get tons of kudos and comments. In that same regard, it's really hard not to compare the number of hits and kudos your fics are getting to the numbers other writers' writing generates.

Anyway, comparing ourselves to others, that way madness (and unhappiness) lies. Looking at other writers' writing as an inspiration, YES, comparing our own writing to that of others, NO. Easier said than done, I know. :/

Anyway, I think what could be really helpful to you, is joining one of RNM (I'm assuming that you're writing RNM fic, if not, please replace that with the fandom you're writing for) Discord servers. Many fandom writers gather there, chat about fics, bounce ideas around, organize writing sprints, offer beta-reading, and so on. Getting input from others is just so cool and reassuring.

Additional plus: when you post a new fic, there are already a couple of people who know about it and they are often willing to signal-boost a new fic with reblogs.

As for the length of your fics: 4K is amazing, but by far not a necessary word count to attract readers. Most of my fics are shorter, and while I'm certainly not the queen of Kudos/comments, people are kind enough to read my fics. So, really, shorter fics are absolutely okay.

I really hope you'll reconsider re deleting everything. It would be a loss - for the fandom, but also for yourself. You put a lot of work into writing these stories, be kind to yourself and just take the [current] lack of "interaction" for what it is: you are new to this, and most people probably just haven't realized that there's a new writer in town. (Also, if you're writing RNM fic... fandom is still in total hibernation mode, I really hope that changes when S4 starts airing)

Sending you lots of love and writerly encouragement, nonnie. Please keep writing. Please keep putting yourself out there. And most importantly: find "your people", a "cheerleading squad" (and if it's just a squad of one person, squad is squad!) that has your back.

YOU CAN DO IT, I BELIEVE IN YOU! ❤️

P.S.: Funny enough but I'm not a member of any of the open RNM Discord servers, so, if anyone knows of a server or even runs one, please drop a link in the comments or send me a DM and I'll add a link to this post, thanks! 🙌

[scabopolis]

Omg congrats on 600 followers! Honestly any fake dating with Jonah x Amy would be amazing, although I love number 44 and/or 48 on your Google Docs <333

This is my first Jonah x Amy fic and I offer two caveats: 1) I’m still not sure if there is a particular vibe people who read for this pairing preferring, so...here we are, and 2) I have only made it through 4x12 of Superstore but am pretty familiar w/ what happens the rest of the series. 

Prompt: “You know we’re not actually dating, so why did you propose to me in front of my family?” / “I’m sorry, I panicked.” --- Title: the scene of the complication Fandom: Superstore Pairing: Jonah/Amy Other Characters: My crippling insecurity writing for a new fandom, sleep soft mornings, dumbs being dumb (but, like in a cute way) Additional Tags: friends to lovers (or idiots to friends to lovers??), fake dating shenanigans, alternative universe where Amy’s HS pregnancy test was negative and she and Jonah met in college Word Count: ~2,100 ---

It started with a chance meeting ten years ago, and somehow it’s brought Amy Sosa here: awake in her childhood room with Jonah Simms beside her, sleeping off upwards of half a dozen tequila shots. Maybe she shouldn’t be surprised. She knew that day they met in the lecture hall that Jonah was a person who would make her life exceedingly more complicated. 

And ten years later, here they are, practically leaving complicated behind in the rear view mirror. 

(“What are two hopes and one fear you have for your first lecture on your first day of college?” the guy sitting to her right asks. 

Amy doesn’t answer at first but this stranger just waits for her, all blinking, bright eyes and freshman eagerness. It’s barely morning. Is this her life now? 

“Hope one,” she says, holding up a finger, “that I’d sit next to someone quiet. Hope two,” she holds up another, “that no one would talk to me before I managed to find coffee.” She holds up a third finger. “And this moment right here is what I feared.” 

For some reason, her shortness delights him. His smile is open and affectionate, and he nods in appreciation. 

“Noted.” 

And Amy fully intends to never speak to this wide-eyed panda boy ever again, but then their General Psychology professor informs the class that the person they’re sitting next to will be their assignment partner for the semester. 

The next lecture her partner – his name is Jonah, she learns – brings her a cup of coffee and doesn’t speak a word until she takes a long sip. 

Complicated.)

Jonah snuffles in his sleep, his eyelids fluttering slightly. His hair is doing that thing it does when he’s hot or drunk or has run a hand through it too many times, where a single lock of hair hangs in the middle of his forehead. Amy resists the very real urge to brush it away. Because, yeah, she has those kinds of thoughts a lot and they also make things complicated. They’re friends. Maybe even best-friends, but definitely not ‘tenderly brush a lock of your hair away’ friends. 

Do those kinds of friends even exist? 

Jonah stirs again, and now that it’s clear he’s actually waking up, Amy reaches for her phone and opens Candy Crush. The last thing she needs is to get caught staring at him like some weird stalker.

“Oh, god,” he groans, his voice scratchy. He stretches out with another groan, his foot bumping against Amy’s as he does. Rather than move away, he kind of just rests it there on top of hers. And this is something she is all too familiar with. Drunk and/or hungover Jonah is yet another complication. More accurately, his propensity to cuddle indiscriminately is a very real complication. 

“I need—” Amy reaches for the glass of water on her night stand and hands it to Jonah, stopping him mid-thought. “Do you have—?” She hands him two ibuprofen. “Thank you,” he says. 

“You’re welcome.” She looks back at her phone. 

Jonah swallows the two pills and drinks the entire glass of water, and then lays back down, curling slightly into Amy’s side.  

“I made so many mistakes last night,” he says.

“I’m aware. As are your 80 Instagram followers.” 

“I liveblogged it?” 

“And tagged everything with the hashtag ‘best noche ever.’” He groans again and turns his face into Amy’s side. She sets her phone back on the nightstand. “What got into you?” 

“Your dad is intimidating.” 

“My dad?” 

“Yes. Your dad. And then he and your brother kept pouring me shots—” 

“I knew this had Eric’s fingerprints all over it.” 

“Well, it was kind of my fault, too.” 

She frowns. “What do you mean?” Jonah doesn’t answer and Amy kicks him under the covers. He looks up at her. His eyes are red-rimmed but also so sleepy and soft. Complicated. “Jonah.” 

“They kept asking me questions. About you and me. And I was so worried I’d say something wrong, I kept taking shots to avoid answering.”

“You could have found me.” 

“I know, but—” he trails off. 

“But what?”

“I want them to like me.” 

“Oh, Jonah.” She gives in and brushes the lock of hair off his forehead, and he looks up at her. “They’ve known you for 10 years. They’re never going to like you.” 

“Thanks, I feel so much better.” 

“I do have one more question.” 

“Okay.”

“You know we’re not actually dating. Right?” 

He closes his eyes and nods. “No. Yeah. I know.” 

“So why did you propose to me in front of my family?” 

“I panicked.”

“Panicked?” 

“Your dad asked what my intentions were, and there were just so many shots. 

“And that’s why you shouted ‘I intend to marry her!’?” 

Jonah flips the comforter over his head. “I just got wrapped up in it all.” His words are muffled from under the comforter.

She’s glad for the moment of respite, with Jonah unable to see her. If Amy didn’t want things to careen so off track, she probably shouldn’t have agreed to let him come to her dad’s retirement party as her fake boyfriend. 

(“I don’t see what the problem is,” Jonah says, spooning more cashew chicken onto his plate. “You don’t still have feelings for Adam, do you?” 

“No. No. God no,” she says. “Absolutely not.” 

“Alright. I’m clear on the no.” 

“It’s just the last time I saw him— Well, you know.” 

“I recall, yes.” 

And he does. Jonah knows all about Amy’s high school boyfriend. The one she liked but never quite loved. The one she broke up with when the pregnancy test came back negative. The one she slept with again the summer after their senior year of college. 

(An event that occurred in no small part because Jonah was dating Mindy and the two of them were talking about moving in together. Maybe moving to the west coast together and Amy realized there was a very real possibility she was going to be left behind. 

Jonah doesn’t know that part of the story.) 

Adam is also the guy who thought having sex in her childhood bedroom meant Amy wanted to get back together. He’s the guy bringing his very beautiful fiancée to her dad’s retirement party. Because he’s also somehow the guy who still helps her dad with home improvement projects. And Amy is just Amy – the one who doesn’t visit St. Louis enough, and is using her very expensive liberal arts degree to work as a survey researcher for Cloud9, meaning she’s basically paid to manipulate shoppers. 

And, not that it should matter, but she’s also very single. Has been for a while now. 

She mostly blames the man stealing chow mein from her plate for that. She blocks Jonah’s chopsticks with hers, and a piece of cabbage goes flying. 

“Stop that,” she says. 

“You’re not eating it.” 

“I’m too annoyed to eat.” 

“If you only ate when you weren’t annoyed you’d starve.” 

“I hate you.” 

She pushes the chow mein around her plate. God, when she thinks about it, this really is Jonah’s fault. If she could just find a way to get over this stupid, dumb, little crush that has creeped up – without her permission, mind you! – then maybe she could actually—

“I could do it,” Jonah says, interrupting her thought spiral. 

“Do what?” 

“Go with you to your dad’s retirement party. Be your fake boyfriend.” 

“You think that’s a good idea?”

“I think it’s a great idea. Besides, I am very close to getting your dad to like me.” 

“He’ll never like you.” 

“It’s not that I didn’t like the painting—” 

“—How would this even work?” she asks, cutting him off. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I think we act like we normally do, but maybe you can hold my hand and be nice to me.” 

“Eww.” 

Jonah smiles around a large bite of cashew chicken. She really needs to stop hanging out with him so much – he’s become immune to her insults. It’s rude. 

And him as her fake boyfriend is a terrible idea. Truly awful. If Amy is looking to get over her crush and make things between her and Jonah less complicated, there are better ways to do it. 

Except. 

Except she kind of wants to. 

“Okay. Let’s do it,” she says. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes,” she says decisively. “But if you try and kiss me, I’ll cut your lips off.” 

“That seems like a proportionate response.”)

“So, to be clear, I told you kissing wasn’t allowed, and you thought that left proposals on the table?” 

He groans again from under the comforter. It’s a little sad and a lot pathetic. Poor guy. 

She pats the comforter in the area of what she hopes is his shoulder. As annoyed as she is at having to untangle these threads, it’s not his fault. Not really. She knows her family is relentless. Amy slides down and flips the comforter over her head as well. 

Jonah rolls over onto his side to face her. Amy does the same. 

“It was better than Adam’s proposal.”

“Adam proposed?” 

Amy nods. “Ish. If I remember correctly he said, ‘I’ll marry you if I have to.’”

“Yikes.” 

“Right?” It’s cozy under this blanket. Intimate even. “You did say some nice things. Even if they came out kind of slurred.” 

“Amy—”

“Sexy, huh?” 

“I really didn’t mean to shout that to all of your dad’s—”

“Because it’s not true?” 

“No!” Jonah winces and Amy isn’t sure if it’s ‘I have a hangover’ induced or ‘I am revealing too much’ induced. “It’s true. Of course it’s true. You are very, you know.” 

“Sexy on a completely objective level? Or, are you saying that you, yourself, Jonah Simms, think I’m sexy?” Jonah goes completely still. Amy isn’t even sure he’s breathing. It’s entirely uncharacteristic and a little unnerving. She pokes his cheek. “Are you blushing?”

“Big time, yeah.” 

That does enough to break the tension under their blanket enclave, both of them laughing, at first awkwardly and then more genuine. Once they stop to catch their breath, Amy notices they’ve shifted closer together. 

This would be the perfect moment to flee from the scene of the complication. But the complications don’t seem so terrible at this specific moment. She blames that lock of hair of his.

“How long have you held this opinion?” Jonah frowns at Amy’s question. “Regarding my sexiness?” she clarifies. 

“Amy—”

“What?” 

“What are you doing?” 

“I just want to—”

“Really? You really want to have this conversation?” 

Jonah stresses the ‘you’ and Amy knows why he does. There isn’t a topic or feeling that is off-limits to Jonah – he’d happily discuss every feeling he’s ever had. It’s her. It’s always her. 

Their faces are so close they’re practically sharing the same pillow. It takes no effort at all for Amy to close the distance between them, lightly brushing her lips against his. As quick as it began it’s over, and even in the dim light under the comforter, Amy can see Jonah’s eyes blown wide. She’s sure she looks just as shocked and she’s the one who did it.  

“You said if I kissed you you’d cut off my lips.”

“Which is why I kissed you.”

“Oh,” he nods. “Makes sense.” Jonah taps out a slow but erratic rhythm against the side of his leg. She just knows he’s trying to stop himself from verbalizing every single thought in his head. “To be clear, was that a friendship kiss, or—” 

So Amy kisses him again. This time Jonah recovers quickly from his shock, winding a hand into her hair, his palm cupping the back of her head. It’s just unbelievably good. 

“Okay,” Jonah says, his voice unsteady as he pulls away. “That answers that.” He traces her jaw with his thumb. “Any chance we could do it some more?” 

Amy rolls onto her back, putting some distance between them. “I don’t think so.” 

“Wait. What?” 

“Your breath is awful.” 

Jonah breathes into his hand and sniffs it to confirm. “What if I brush my teeth?” 

Amy sighs, long and exasperated. “I suppose that would be—”

Jonah is out of the bed in seconds, scrambling for his overnight bag, and Amy presses her lips together to hide her smile. From the way Jonah smiles, soft and delighted as he backs out of the room, she isn’t fooling anyone. 

So far past the point of complicated, she thinks, her heart still racing. But then again, maybe complications that make her feel like this are okay.

[asweetprologue]

Nili’s Benchmark Geraskier Fic Rec List

hey yall! I officially hit 750 followers (a few days ago, I blew past the benchmark without even realizing!), which is... insane. I truly can’t believe that so many people over the last year have enjoyed my presence in this fandom enough to continue to follow my work. you guys are so great and I love you all so much, so I decided to put together a gift for you!

this is a list of my favorite geraskier fics from the fandom, which I have been putting together over the last year or so. a few of these are big in the fandom, but a lot of them are smaller pieces that I feel deserve more attention! I have provided ao3 and tumblr links where I could find them, as well as ratings and summaries. Most of these are canon!verse because I’m not personally a big fan of modern au’s, but there will be a few of those scattered throughout as well. I’ve divided the fics into two sections: oneshots and multichapter. See the list below the cut!

Being in this fandom truly has gotten me through the pandemic in a big way and I have made so many good friends while here. thank you all for validating my weird obsession with these characters and enabling me in these trying times <3

Oneshots

all that was good, all that was fair (all that was me is gone) | M | 7517 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions Of Violence | @xdandelionxbloomx

Somewhere, deep in a forest, a man drags himself from his grave by sheer power of will. He lies gasping on the forest floor and does not know who or what he is. The world is wide and wonderful, though, and there is so much to see.

Or, Jaskier is so stubborn that he literally comes back from the dead.

Another fascinating addition to the mythology of the Witcher. Jaskier’s slow rediscovery of himself is so well done here. One I’ve come back to again and again. 

As Fast As Love Can Go | T | 9628 | @bygodstillam

There are Faeries in the Wood.

That's what everyone said, at least, not that there was any solid proof. Jaskier had tried, more than once, to find some. Just a hint somewhere, of a real story, of real magic. But all anyone seemed to have was stories.

Jaskier was determined to find proof. He wasn't expecting to find a witcher in the process.

Fascinating fic with some really interesting worldbuilding, and a fresh new take on True Love’s Kiss. Also with some great art by @hehearse!

beautiful, he stirs up still things | T | 2575 | @alittlebitmaybe

“You’re not asking me to dance,” says Geralt.

Jaskier turns his palm up on his knee, offering it. “I think you’ll find I am.”

Just them dancing. This is a lovely sort of pre-relationship dynamic. So soft.

Dialogue Prompt | NR | 2932 | @reinvent-and-believe

Dialogue Prompt 48: “You make me want things I can’t have.” Wordless I-love-you 50: buying them a special treat when you go out shopping

Geralt gets Jaskier a gift, which prompts some confessions.

Even a small love | E | 22,272 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con 

“Well,” Jaskier replies distractedly. “Lots of things want to strangle you.”

“You don’t.”

It isn’t a particularly troublesome accusation, or even necessarily an accusation at all.

This is one I read early on in the fandom, and it really stuck with me. The dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt is perfect, and the misunderstandings between them feel so realistic. The non-con is not extreme, but do mind the warnings. 

For the Space of a Heartbeat | T | 2021 | @drowningbydegrees

As it turns out, falling into bed with your very best friend who you are privately very much in love with isn't nearly so nerve wracking as waking up with them the morning after.

Just sweet, morning after discussions. I love to see them talking for once.

Greensleeves | T | 10,414 | @rebrandedbard

When Geralt crosses paths with Jaskier in the spring, the world is dressed in green. Quite literally. Everyone everywhere is wearing green, and it all comes down to a song Jaskier has written that, to his mortification, has become popular throughout the Continent. It's torment, being forced to preform the song over and over again and have his heart broken anew. But who is this Lady Greensleeves the people say Jaskier is so maddeningly, heartbrokenly in love with? At the baron's wedding party, Geralt is determined to find out.

This is one of my personal faves - there’s just something about Jaskier’s feelings being put on blast while Geralt remains totally oblivious that I think is so very them. And the resolution at the end is delightful.

I Don’t Wanna Fall (If It’s Not In Love) | E | 13,902 | @writinglizards

The first time it's out of desperation. Things get rapidly out of hand from there.

OR the building of a relationship through mutual wank sessions.

I love everything Ashley writes, but this one was the first fic I read by her and it still has a warm place in my heart. I also highly recommend It’s Been A While (makes me cry every time) and Tell Me Honestly

Like a Storm, Like a Flood | T | 1065 | @valdomarx

Jaskier is leaving for the winter, and Geralt can't bear the thought of not seeing him for months.

It was soooo hard to pick only one fic by George, but this one is so soft and sweet and yearning I just had to go with it. This is really just about Geralt finally hitting a breaking point and saying enough is enough.

one flesh | E | 10,763 | WARNING: MCD 

“Well, then. I’m a ghost.” Jaskier spread his arms grandly. Geralt held his gaze for a moment, then dropped his head and laughed. Jaskier put his hands on his hips. “Do fill me in on what’s so funny.” It wasn’t funny. It was just so - ridiculous, the things Geralt’s fucked up brain would invent. This had to be the last nail in the sanity coffin, it just had to be.

Or: Jaskier is a ghost, and Geralt is a mess.

Jaskier dies and comes back as a ghost to haunt Geralt into taking care of himself. Geralt does not handle this gracefully. This fic is so sad and heartbreaking, but the ending is so sweet.

to render it transparent | E | 23,901

Geralt wakes up warm, peaceful, and utterly content, which is how he knows that something is severely wrong.

Sigh. This fic. This is a time travel fic - Geralt ends up in the future living with Jaskier on the coast, just after the mountain. It’s slow and beautiful and extremely bittersweet, all about how we choose to love people despite how much it can hurt us.

With All the Continent A Stage | M | 4745 | @greyduckgreygoose

Later, Geralt learned that the play was four hours long. Four hours long. It didn’t feel like it. Most of it passed by in a fever dream of ominous music, dance-fighting and dryads in gossamer leaves, swinging from hoops attached to the ceiling. Yennefer made an appearance, played by Priscilla in a glittering negligee. She sang a song to Geralt about putting him “Under Her Spell”, and they had a sensual dance number which was made a little strange by a sickened Jaskier (played by Jaskier) coughing loudly in the background.

(Jaskier invites Geralt to a musical production inspired by his own life.)

Jaskier basically writes Geralt a love letter in the form of a four hour long play. Geralt is an idiot about it.

Multi-Chapter Fics

A Lover’s Lament | M | 25,364 | @somedrunkpirate

So,” Jaskier begins, as casually as he can, “you are telling me, that in theory, if I were to be in love with someone — anyone — that person could well be in terrible danger?”

Of all terrible and ridiculous things that have threatened Geralt’s safety, Jaskier’d never thought that loving him might be what will get him killed.

I honestly can’t count the number of times I’ve read this fic. The monster is so interesting, and the mythos of it fits seamlessly into the world of the Witcher in my mind. Jaskier being so afraid that his feelings are going to put Geralt at risk, clearly unable to see that Geralt is going through the exact same thing. I think about the scene with them looking at each other almost daily. 

A Pair of Gloves, the Scent of Roses | M | 24,134 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence

In the bustling days before the Midsummer festival, Geralt is sent into the countryside to deal with a monster - with Jaskier once again by his side. But the bard has not forgiven him, and while he's not hiding his contempt for the Witcher, he is recalcitrant about revealing his true motives for joining him. As the hunt turns into a desperate mission to save an innocent man and the monster is not what is seems to be, Geralt learns a few new things about his old friend and decides to finally attempt to mend the rift between them...

This is one of my favorite’s in the fandom - it feels so believable, the world is so rich and the oc’s are convincing and charming. Geralt and Jaskier feel so honest here, stumbling around each other but still drawn together. Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Bearing the will of the flower | NR | 11,449 

The way Jaskier sees it, his hobby of following a witcher around was always pretty likely to get him killed.

The fact that it's happening now because the witcher in question doesn't love him, he thinks as he coughs up crumpled flowers, hardly makes a difference.

My favorite hanahaki fic in the fandom. I’m such a sucker for these, and these two idiots being so incapable of talking about their feelings really makes them prime candidates. 

Food of Love | T | 22,488 | @wallatile-qvibbler

I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

(or: the one where Jaskier channels magic through his songs, and it almost never goes as expected.)

This is a Jaskier and Renfri centric fic, which wasn’t something I knew I wanted until I read this. Jaskier is a bard which in this AU comes with magical powers, but it feels so well integrated into the universe that I wish it was just... how the Witcher is. Renfri is so good here, and even though Jaskier and Geralt barely even interact you can feel the tension and love between them. Cannot recommend highly enough.

friends and allies of the witcher | T | 10,312 | @theamazingbard

Yennefer crawls over to her newest cellmate. They’re curled up on their side. Breathing, but only just. She’s not sure what she’s hoping for when she turns them over. Still isn’t when she sees that it is indeed Jaskier.

“Shit."

Yennefer and Jaskier each suffer in more ways than one at the hands of Nilfgaard.

Yennefer and Jaskier get capture by Nilfgaard and tossed into a cell together. Exactly what I want out of season 2 honestly. Their interactions are gold.

I’d Be the Choiceless Hope | E | 45,188 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con | @lesdemonium

As a baby, Jaskier was visited by a fae, who gifted Jaskier's mother with Jaskier's obedience. As Jaskier grew older, the "gift" became more of a curse.

You know I’m not gonna make a rec list without listing Zoe’s Ella Enchanted au. Need I say more?

Silver and Copper | M | 56,139 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence | @kaer-cuan

Geralt is just supposed to pass through the quiet Lettenhove area. He's not anticipating being begged by its people to help save their viscount from a curse that keeps him from daylight. Lord Jaskier, they call him, and he's likely dying.

As Geralt struggles to untangle the ugly web of history that has lead to the increasingly complicated curse, he finds himself spending more and more time with the strange young viscount and wondering just what he might have been before the curse, and who he might be after. But things are not always as they seem, and as the curse tightens its grip on Jaskier, Geralt is forced to face the fear of failing yet another person whose choices were stolen from them.

Or-

Jaskier is kept from becoming a bard. Geralt finds him anyway.

This is a fic that haunts me. It’s very scary in parts, and mind the tags - there are some very heavy themes here. But it’s beautiful and touching, and Jaskier feels very true to himself even though his origin is so different.

we could be married (and then we'd be happy) | E | 50,222 | @a-kind-of-merry-war

Jaskier reached into his pocket, fingers grasping around the little box. He pulled it out with what he hoped was a romantic flourish, flipping it open to reveal the simple gold band inside. “Geralt,” he said, confidently, cooly, like this wasn’t terrifying, “Will you marry me?”

Geralt and Jaskier fake marriage proposals to get free deserts and shit but it goes tits up when Vesemir catches them in the act. Not knowing how to fess up, they go along with it for a while, which is hell because they’re both pining like mad. As I said, I don’t love modern au’s, but it’s merry so of course this one had to end up on my list.

~

And that’s it! 20 fics for you, and hopefully you can all find one or two you haven’t read before. There are a lot of people and fics that I didn’t include in this list only because I was trying to not put a million down (which I could). I highly recommend anything by @wherethewordsare, @julek, @contemplativepancakes, @witcher-and-his-bard, and @inber, as well as those linked to fics above, and I’m sure there are others I forgot to mention. Yall have truly made being in this fandom worthwhile <3

[ageless-aislynn]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿) (if you feel like it!!) 

I was tagged by the lovely @jemmalynette​ Thanks so much, hon! 🤗

1. “Epilogue” (Pariah/Elseworlds Killer Frost, along with many versions of Snowells, The Flash) Rated: T (PG13) Summary: Prompt: A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it. Pairing: All of them [Snowells] ;) The most ambitious thing I think I’ve ever attempted: 47 chapters posted in 47 days, writing epilogues for the 23 fics ahead of it in my Snowells Kisses prompts series while also interweaving a new story with Pariah and Frost. I about lost my mind writing this thing, fam, lol, but I wouldn’t have it any other way and I’m super proud of how it turned out. 😁

2. “Cold Hands” (Caitlin Snow/Jordan Mahkent, The Flash/Stargirl) Rated: T (PG13) Summary: Jordan is intrigued by the latest scientist hired by The American Dream. He'd like to get to know her a little better. There's just something about her... My only fic to cross characters from completely different shows. I really enjoyed the way this turned out and still intend to return to this ‘verse one day. Also has a vid as well. 😉

3. “Cherryished” (Peter Hale/Lydia Martin, Teen Wolf) Rated: T (PG13) Summary: Prompt: “I’m your lock screen?!” - “You weren’t supposed to see that.” I’ve wanted to write something for them for years now and finally got a prompt that gave me the chance! 🐺❤

4. “Balancing Act” (The Tenth Doctor/Donna Noble, Doctor Who) Rated: E (NC17) Summary: Donna has managed to save both herself and her memories but in doing so, has she bitten off more than she...and the Doctor...can chew? An alternate end to "Journey's End." This was my first multi-chaptered fic and, while not the smuttiest thing I’d written at the time, it was definitely up there, so was nerve-wracking to post back in the day (2008). Still, I remember hoping that you could feel my love of these two characters all through it and that there was a lot of heart and humor to it as well. 🤞

5. “No Time” (Master Chief/Reader, Halo the series) Rated: T (PG13) Summary: You knew eventually the study would end and John would be suppressed again before being sent back out on the front line. He wouldn't think of you fondly. He probably wouldn't think of you at all. Dipping my toe into a new fandom is always difficult for me and I’m still pretty new at Reader fics but this one just fell into place for me. I love John so much! I’ve also written him with Cortana and with Kai-125. Yes, I just stealthily recced my other 2 Halo fics, ahem. And, while there are just 3 of them now, I’m pretty sure there’ll be more before too much longer. 😳😉⭐

Honorable mention:

“The Thousandth and the First” (Eobard Thawne/Caitlin Snow, The Flash) Rated: E (NC17) Summary: Caitlin meets her soulmate. Fortunately, she's got an antidote for that. 10 chapters of me spilling my ReverseSnow Soulmate love all over the place. Forever one of those fics nearest and dearest to my heart. It went with me through one of the worst times in my life (note: trigger warning for death in the top note of the second chapter) and working on it helped me a great deal. 💖

I’m afraid I’ll accidentally leave somebody out if I start tagging so... If you’re reading this and you write fics and would like to do this, please consider this a tag from me (and let me know if you answer it because I’d love to read it)! *boops your nose politely* 😉💖

[makeste]

This is probably a different question from what you usually get so feel free to ignore it, but you seem like a reasonable and chill person. I recently published my first fic and I'm crippled with cringe every time I open AO3. Not because I think it's bad, but I just don't want to see the response to it, even if it's positive. Is it mean of me not to read the comments? I don't typically interact in fandom spaces, but I feel like I should now that I'm a content creator. I always see people being excited about comments, feedback etc. but I get too much secondhand embarrassment from them, because fandom is such a private and personal thing to me. Am I just weird?!!!

hey there! yeah this is definitely a break from the norm lol, but that's fine. just bear in mind that this is first and foremost a fandom blog and not an advice blog, and so you should probably take my opinions here with a grain of salt.

anyway, imo since this was the first fic you posted, and you presumably didn't know ahead of time how you were going to react to everything, it's fine. writing something -- and especially writing something that you care about, and that means something to you, and that you put a lot of effort into creating -- and putting it out there for the world to see is always pretty intimidating at first. it's like baring a little piece of your soul to the rest of the world. there's something very vulnerable about it no matter how hard you brace yourself, so I totally get why someone might react that way to feedback.

but that said, now that you know that you have this type of reaction to comments, I think the polite thing to do for any future works that you post is to simply turn the comments off. you can actually go back and do this for the fic you already posted too, I'm pretty sure, and it won't delete any of the comments that are already there; it will just prevent people from posting new ones (and it works whether they're logged in or not). I think this is the most courteous thing to do if you want to be considerate of your readers, and of the time and effort they might otherwise put into making a comment (which for some people can be just as nerve-wracking as posting a fic), while at the same time also being considerate of your own feelings in not wanting to read* the comments because the social aspect is causing anxiety/embarrassment right now.

*one small but important distinction here, which is that reading and responding are two very different things. I know it's good etiquette to dutifully respond to comments, but speaking as someone who only manages to reply to maybe 10% of their tumblr asks, I also know it's not always possible to respond to everyone's feedback. I do, however, read every single ask and comment that I get. I think that if all you want to do for now is read and not respond, then it's probably okay to leave the comments on, since commentators should already be aware that author responses aren't guaranteed. if, however, you're struggling with simply reading them as you said, then it's probably better to turn them off.

I also think it would be courteous to go back and add a generic note to the fic thanking everyone who left feedback, and explaining that you didn't anticipate how overwhelming it would be, so while you're grateful for the response, you've decided to turn off comments for now until you're in a better headspace to deal with them. imo you don't owe anyone more of an explanation than that. technically you don't really owe anyone any explanation at all, but since they did take the time to leave feedback, it's probably a nice gesture to make.

lastly, I know this is the epitome of all "easier said than done" pieces of advice, but if you can, I think it really helps to have a mindset of always writing for your own enjoyment first and foremost. and so if other people also happen to like what you've written, that's awesome! and if they don't like it, that's also fine, because at the end of the day you didn't write it for them; you wrote it for yourself. or, if you're mostly writing for yourself but are also looking for constructive feedback so that you can keep improving your game, you can adopt a Bruce Lee-style mindset of "accept what is useful, reject what is useless", and apply that to your feedback. if you agree with what someone said, you hold onto that and apply it to your writing in the future. and if you don't agree, then fuck whatever they said, and you just keep on doing things whichever way you like.

writing is subjective; no story, no matter how well-written, is ever going to appeal to every single person out there universally. and so at the end of the day the most important thing is that you're satisfied with it. which as I said is unfortunately much easier said than done lol. but it's still a good attitude to try and strive for I think, even if you can't get it 100%. it's helped me a lot at the very least.

anyway so that's it. hopefully something in these rambling paragraphs is at least a little helpful to you. take care, and thanks for the ask!

[cha-melodius]

2022 Fic Year In Review

I created this last year based off a variety of year-in-review posts I've seen and done in the past. Added a few more questions this year, in part based on review memes I was tagged in by @cricketnationrise and @rmd-writes. Feel free you grab it if you want to do your own review! And I'd like to add a hearty thank you to each and every person who's read my fics over the years, y'all continue to make this a joy!

2020 Review | 2021 Review

AO3 Username: chamel  My Page: Link Most Active Fandoms: The Man from UNCLE (2015): 17 works Loki: 8 works Red, White & Royal Blue: 6 works New Fandoms: RWRB, Glass Onion Total Number Of Completed Works/Word Count This Year: 31 works, 282k words All Time: 82 works, 1 million words

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): This Year: Class(room) Warfare (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 7.8k words) All Time: What Makes A Good Man (Loki, Loki/Mobius, T, 8.5k words)

Most Popular Completed Multi-Chapter (by kudos): This Year: A Good Man Is Hard To Find (Loki, Loki/Mobius, M, 81k words) All Time: Do You Promise Not to Tell? (The Mandalorian, Cara/Din, E, 87.7k words)

Events/Challenges: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Gift Exchange 2022, Whumptober, The Brownstone Weekly Drabble Challenge

More reflections and such below the cut!

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? About what I expected I think; I wrote only a bit more than last year. I realized in the last third? I think? of the year I was close to 1 million words, which is definitely more than I ever thought I'd write in total.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? This is tougher to answer this year! Mostly because I wrote a whole bunch of one-shots that I love. I might have to go with A Good Man Is Hard To Find, because I'm always partial to my long AUs.

Do you have any writing goals for the New Year? Last year's—> "Maybe try to produce more one-shots and fics under 15k words." Hey! I did that! Thanks in large part to a couple of times I solicited prompts on tumblr, so thanks to all of you! This year, I don't think I really have any specific goals. I want to complete a few large multichapter fics, which will probably mean my one-shot production goes down, but we'll see.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Same as last year, jumping into an active new fandom, always nerve wracking, etc. I also began drawing and produced an illustration for one of my stories for the first time (Double Dutch with a Hand Grenade).

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Sticking to those published this year, Sun in the Sky (You Know How I Feel) (I really thought that one would gain more traction).

Most fun story to write: Consider the Price to an Elf (Illya as an elf was too much fun), Class(room) Warfare, Loving You is Cherry Pie

Biggest disappointment: I've had some ups and downs with writing this year, but I'm trying to get better about managing my expectations and not getting disappointed when things don't get as many kudos or comments as I was expecting.

Biggest surprise: Very recent, but so far the spike in kudos that The Life You Had in Mind got after Glass Onion got released on Netflix. Crossovers usually are doomed to low kudos overall, so the response is so great! I even had someone read the fic not knowing anything about TMFU, which was a lovely comment to get.

Coming soon/planned (definite):

Finishing up remaining tumblr prompts (holiday and otherwise)

RWRB spy AU

Slightly bleak Napollya fic inspired by All Comes Crashing

Lokius probation AU for MTH winners

Lokius/Napollya spy AU crossover for MTH winner

Less solid plans:

Waverly/Blanc meeting/get together fic

Napollya multichap AU—chefs? bakery owners? writer/critic? art thief/gallery owner? astronauts? hockey?

Napollya multichap non-AU inspired by The Americans

RWRB baking competition AU and/or You've Got Mail AU

Napollya 5+1 saying goodnight

... about a thousand other possibilities, my fic ideas document is endless

[tackytigerfic]

Hey, I'm starting out as an hp fic writer and I just entered a fic exchange that requires you to have a betad fic. I was wondering how you find betas. Like, is there a group or a database of something?

Hello Anon!

I have a few asks waiting for me but I thought I'd pop in to answer this one quickly as I've been thinking about it a lot recently. A good beta is such a treasure and can really help improve the fic. But I know it can be hard to find one (when I started in fandom I was mega shy and didn't know anyone to ask).

I would advise joining a server for your pairing on Discord. You mention that you're writing HP - I'm primarily Drarry focused so I am in a big Drarry server (Drarry Fans Writers and Artists) which is open to anyone over 18. Please feel free to DM me and I can send a link. In that server there is a channel dedicated to people searching for alpha or beta help.

Other servers that I know of are rarepair and next gen servers, but I suspect there's a server for any pairing you can think of. There is also a general HP fic club server.

Since you're writing for a fest, you could also speak to the mods about it. In every fest I've run, we've been happy to help with issues such as these. However, I can't speak for every fest - but most of the mods I've encountered in the fandom have been absolutely lovely and so supportive.

One bit of advice I would give (and please ignore if this is old news to you!) - you're not always going to gel with a beta. You might find you have different tastes, you might find they approach writing differently, you might find that they focus on certain elements of feedback that you don't find useful. Which is totally fine, it just means it might not quite be the right fit for each other. I would suggest that you go through your aims for the fic, and tell them exactly what you need from them (do you want flailing and cheerleading for validation? Do you want spag and spag only? do you want guidance or feedback on your story arc or plot?). There are so many ways in which a beta can help, but they can't do that unless they know what you want from them!

I'm really excited for you Anon. I remember posting my first ever fic, and how thrilling and nerve-wracking it was to post something that real people in real life might actually read. I'll never lose that sense of excitement, and I hope you get the same joy from writing that I have.

(can't leave without a shout out to my betas who are actual saints and make my life better in every way, not just my writing)

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi momdad! I have a question. I’ve seen a bunch of post on your blog and others about purity culture and cancel culture and just general online bullying and it’s made me very scared to post things or interact with people in fandoms online.

I’d pretty much stopped participating in online fandoms 5-6 years ago do to physical and mental illness and I’m really wanting to write fics and draw fanart (I blame you for my current hyperfixation on The Untamed and MXTX’s books. THANK YOU SO MUCH!❤️) but I’m too scared to post anything for fear that people will get mad at me.

I loved being in fandom in the past. But with the current climate is it even worth it?

hello, dear! i completely understand why you have these worries.

ideally, i'd tell you that you have nothing to worry about whatsoever and everyone will always be nice and encouraging, but of course i can't promise that. but i can at least say that i've published four fics in the last couple years, to a relatively large audience here, and i was blown away by how supportive people were. i didn't get any hate at all.

there ARE people who just live to be mean and critical, but they're by no means the majority in fandom spaces. most people who consume fic and art are happy and excited to see new content, and most who see something that they don't like or doesn't agree with them understand that they need to just keep scrolling instead of being hateful.

it can get a bit trickier if you want to post darker, more controversial subjects in your work, such as incest, underage relationships, rape, suicide, abuse, and so on. i believe that you have every right to explore dark content in your work, whether it's to cope with your own issues or literally just because you feel like it, but that's the stuff that tends to draw the most ire from the purity/cancel culture types.

so if you want to publish any that deals with heavy/trigger-y topics (at least, ones that aren't canon-typical; everyone who reads MDZS fic expects there to be some stuff about death and necromancy), i would probably recommend that you start by building up your confidence with lighter content first. it's definitely less nerve-wracking to post stuff that almost no one could find offensive.

but if you're not into dark stuff at all, you're like, "i just want to write about lwj and wwx kissing," then i wouldn't worry too much about it, honestly. if it's a popular pairing in a well-established fandom, you're likely to get almost entirely positive feedback. probably your biggest problem might be just getting lost among the crowd, not getting picked on.

i know it's scary to think about a horde of morality police descending on your work and cruelly picking it apart, but those people are a loud minority, not the standard. most fandom content consumers are kind and supportive, and getting positive feedback on your work feels wonderful.

it really sucks when people get mad at you, believe me i know, but if we let the fear of people getting mad at us paralyze us into never taking any risks, we'll end up with a lifetime of regrets over all the things we were too scared to do and be. we have to step out and take a chance on being vulnerable in order to gain the rewards of acceptance. and to be an adult, we have to learn how to deal with someone getting mad at us without falling apart.

if you're interested, i have a drawing tag, writing tag, and ao3 tag that have advice and useful info for creating and posting fanworks. creating is good for you and good for the world, so practice, face your fear, and click 'publish'. you can do it. 👍

[otterskin]

I didn't like the LOKI show, no matter how hard I try, and it's messing with me.

My mother died at the end of December. A lot of other bad things happened as well, like the severe brain injury of my father.

I didn't cry. There was so much to do. I did it. And even then, when there was nothing left to do, I didn't cry.

I found distractions.

Today I went to see the Green Knight after a tough week at a new job that had me leave my father in another province even though he still needs help. I was trying to get back to the life I'd dropped.

I loved the Green Knight. The Arthurian Legends are as dear to me as Norse Mythology, and my copy of them had the Green Knight on the cover. The film was truly excellent, evoking the feel of the story whole still doing something unique and very A24. I cried at one point, like I did when watching the first THOR, because of how much it meant to see something I'd loved since the very first years of my existence finally make it to the big screen and be...right. It's own thing, it's own artistic product, but right.

Then I opened a tab in a browser and saw I had some messages on a website I comment on. It was just some minor criticism of the LOKI show I'd posted beneath an article and how it handled certain things.

I was downvoted. Berated. Hated. Lumped in the ad hominem twitter users who attacked the director and writer (I'd never, ever!) Told I was biphobic because I wanted to see more of a queer lens (I even addressed how difficult it is for bi people in queer cinema and society in general in my criticisms of the romance, but even that wasn't good enough - just disliking it was 'bad'.) I was told I just wanted my 'fanfic' made (I never made any laundrylist of plot points I demanded). I was accused of being a begrudged shipper (ha! If anything I'm an anti-shipper). I was told that I should love the show, it was awesome, and I was bad for not thinking so.

And I started to cry.

I don't cry. Only at movies. Not at real life. I didn't cry at my grandparents's funerals, I didn't cry when I was left with the body of my mother in the hospital room and my brother cried on my shoulder. I didn't cry when working through my dad's severe new disabilities as I realized how much he had lost. I didn't cry while realizing how messy my parents' finances were. I didn't cry when my mother's friends called me in the middle of the night and cried into the phone. I didn't cry when saying goodbye to my dog and going back to a rundown apartment with a terrible smell so I could go to work in a dark room for hours at a time.

But now I'm crying and writing this.

I've realized why. During everything, I looked forward to the LOKI show. The first THOR is deeply nostalgic to me and I watched it often in my first year of Uni when I was away from home. It tied in thematically to what I was going for. Thor 2 came out before I went on exchange, and while I disliked it overall, talking about it was a welcome distraction from my anxieties. Thor 3 was nerve-wracking, but it also came out during my first major job which I was struggling with, and I saw it so many times in theatres...it was such a huge comfort.

Looking forward to LOKI wasn't just a distraction. It was like a promise. A promise that I'd make it till then and see it and maybe it'd give me some comfort.

That's on me. That's a personal thing. It's an unreasonable expectation.

But I needed it, all the same.

Then it came out.

I tried. I really tried to like it, to forgive it, but the problems are things I've criticized for too long in so many other things. I always try to be respectful about, I never go ad hominem and attack the creators, only critique their work and I always mentioned what I liked but...

I didn't like it.

I have no urge to rewatch it.

And the Green Knight...the Green Knight was everything I wanted and needed it to be. It didn't let me down, though I've been anticipating it about as long as the LOKI show. They're very different, obviously, but in my heart they share the same compartment.

And after a very trying day...I realized how badly I needed to rewatch a Loki show I liked. But I can't even enjoy THOR or Thor:Ragnarok anymore. It's like everything I did like has been poisoned.

This thing that got me through immense pain is causing me pain. I don't want to be toxic. I'm sure it's in me. I try so hard not to wallow in disappointment, but to not even be allowed to talk about my problems without being lumped in with abusive online monsters...

I can't do it. I just can't.

This is supposed to be an escape, not another trial.

I needed the LOKI show to be good, so I could come out of the dark into the light, or at least walk through the night with a lantern ahead of me. And instead it was just more darkness, and it's not even entirely its own fault. It's the online discourse. It's the uncalled for harassment of Herron and Waldron. It's the taunting jabs at people who didn't have a good time as if we're all jerks. It's having people roll their eyes when you point out things that made you uncomfortable in the story, it's feeling slightly gaslit when you find something gross that the story intended to be gross and then being told it's not gross, actually.

I'm sorry. I don't want to cause pain. I just...

I needed it to be good. And unlike Thor 3, which delivered me respite in a dark time...it let me down. Worse, it's hurt me.

I said I don't cry, only at the movies. Something about them lets me cry in a way nothing else does. I can't cry at a funeral, but I can cry in a movie theatre at the drop of a hat. It's a release valve, a way for me to process things.

I think I was waiting for LOKI to give me permission to cry. To give me something that could release this pain in me. And instead, it just gave me more.

I never should have given it that power. I didn't want to. But I had to, to get through this.

I'm putting away the few THOR pieces of tat I have. I feel foolish. I always knew it was a capitalist piece of art, chucked from creator to creator with no creative shepherd, which in itself was stressful.

The fandom is no sanctuary for me either, since I'm primarily interested in the family dynamics and I'm sick of 'Odin is an ABUSIVE MONSTER' stories or even unrelated fics and posts just dropping in hate for him that's not at all canon but seems to be very popular to the point where people think it is. Especially since I often read these stories when I need to think of home and my father. Or, most pleasantly of all, when I get called an abuser or abuser-enabler because I say I like Odin as a character. I also can't really bear to deal with anything to do with Sylvie, whom I had high hopes for as someone who wants more female tricksters, but instead I got this...this Mary Sue that's very hard to criticize without being yelled at. I swear I'm coming at her writing as a feminist and I don't hate anyone, I don't, I just...sigh. She's just personally frustrating to me and not being able to discuss it without being called names sucks.

Not to mention I'm asexual, and I always struggle with romance in media being pushed as the 'ultimate relationship more important than any other'. Part of the reason I liked THOR so much was that romance was not the main feature of THOR and definitely not THOR 3 (while my disliked Dark World was all about it, and so is LOKI). And when I criticize the romance, I get called a prude (guilty, I guess), a troll, or, my favourite, just 'a hater'.

I don't want to hate. Who wants that poison in their veins? I'm here because the Thor series HELPED me because I LOVED it. And now I look at the things I used to love and I...don't, anymore.

So much is asked of me right now. I can't willingly invite this painful thing to sit on my chest as well, especially since the world is already shoving it into my face without my doing anything, in ads, in news, in everything.

I suppose that's why I've leaned even more into Odin lately. He was untouched by the LOKI series (though not the Simpson special, which worries me). He's a trickster, he's queer, he's nuanced, he's 'misunderstood' (that old cliche, but he's misunderstood and misrepresented by the people always yelling about how this or that character is misunderstood, which amuses me, except when it gets to me), and he's in many ways free to make my own.

I still have some stuff I'm going to publish that's practically finished. Finnesang has a lot more written for it but needs some major sit-down time for re-writes and edits. Lokabrenna is practically done, just needs tweaks and Beta. I'll be here a little longer.

But I think I'm going to have to step back for now and put my passions into other things.

I will be back. After all, after Thor 2 came Thor 3. Maybe Love and Thunder will right the ship and Thor can still be awesome, and maybe eventually a creative I love will come to work on the franchise. Really, that's the key for me - I loved Branagh before THOR, and loved Waititi before Thor, and disliked Waldron's work (though I gave him every benefit of the doubt and hoped and prayed to be wrong - sadly, it was what I expected.)

But...if LOKI season 2 is more of this, more romantic tropes I hate and Loki being an afterthought in his own show and his family being devalued for new characters...I can't do it. I can't watch something I used to love just throw that all away for something I dislike.

My tears are finally drying. I wrote a lot of this while the screen was blurry, so I hope there's no grammar or typo too embarrasing. I'm not sure I have the strength to re-read it. Sorry for the rant. It helped me feel better.

Thank you all. I hope I feel differently someday.