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#i also think i’m in love with a man and that hurts but i don’t care
kissitbttr · 1 day
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small prologue from frat!sukuna
*gojo finally has you!*
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gojo satoru is a man with many things.
he’s rich, handsome, smart, popular. a number one heartthrob on campus and he’s enjoying every second of it.
and you’d think that a man who has it all wouldn’t be seen asking for more. because what could’ve he wanted more than what he has now?
well,
he wants you.
“i don’t understand why you keep resisting me. why do you keep thinking about him?! i can treat you better!”
gojo is in fact very much stubborn. soon as he heard what sukuna has done to you, he can’t stay silent any longer. he needs to save you. he needs to see you. he needs to hold and kiss you.
he needs you. period.
so he confesses everything. the bottled up feelings he has over the last few months. the only problem is that you don’t believe him. and even if you were, what are the chances of gojo is only here to play with your feelings?
but he’s determined to make you think differently,
“gojo you are not thinking straight—“
he scoffs, shaking his head at you being so hard headed. “y/n! for once, i have never been so sure and set for what i have in mind than i am right now! i care about you! i love you, why are you so—argh!”
“he’s your best friend! how could you so easily say all that to me knowing me and him were together at some point?!” you cross your arms, looking up at him with a hard look that he somehow loves.
again, gojo groans, flaring his arms up before bringing them down. “jesus, we still on that?! why is that pink haired mother fucker has you wrapped around his finger while i’m here begging to be wrapped around yours?!”
you stand still. trying your best to not to get his words affects you despite your unusual beating heart says otherwise.
you have never seen gojo satoru so worked up. hands on his hips, eye brows scrunched as if he’s thinking hard on which ass he has to beat
(keyword:sukuna)
“i don’t care if he’s my best friend” he says with a softer tone, pretty blue eyes looking intently into yours. “I don’t care if we’re in the fraternity and how that makes us frat brothers…because I cannot tolerate the fact that he hurt you”
and another thing? you have never seen gojo acts so soft,
so putty… so careful with his words… so..
in love
“the one girl who i have strong feelings for during the time he had you… the only girl who has me feeling excited to wake up each morning and look forward to see every day…the only girl who’s got the guts to call me out on my shit” he takes another step closer to you, and he finds a relief to see you’re not stepping back,
his eyes study your features. each and every single one of it.
you are so damn gorgeous, it is driving gojo insane.
“and i am in love with her” he says it again that night with confidence, his hands move slowly to cup your cheeks and make you look at him. “all i’m asking for is a chance… that’s all”
“tell me what i have to do to make you trust me… that i’m not here to play with your feelings”
speechless. is the only thing you feel right now. you can’t exactly form any sentences because it feels like everything is on halt.
what do you say to your old hookup’s best friend that he’s in love with you? and how do you feel about this?
it’s not that you don’t love him back, in fact? it could be the opposite.
he, among the many friends of sukuna is the only one who always checks up on you. during parties, he’d make sure to keep you hydrated because you don’t drink as much alcohol. he’d make sure to have you eat your meals. he’d make sure that you get home safe after class or your part time job. gojo also makes sure that you receive as much as praises you need for the time you got A on your criminal justice class or won a case,
and he’d be sure to tell you, he’s got a taste of your homemade soft cookies that you made. ispahan is his favorite.
maybe gojo satoru is made for you.
“you are so… dumb and pathetic, satoru” you shakily whisper, though make no attempt to remove his hands from you,
he lets out a small laugh, nodding.
“i can be that, baby” he replies, resting his forehead on yours,
“i can be whatever it is you want me to be as long as i get to call you mine”
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marengogo · 2 days
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Are You Sure ?! - #4: I Hate that YOU Love Hate You but, I Love YOU, so ...
I’m listening to a Mellow/Angsty Love playlist - (yes) it has BTS/ solos BTS songs as well
[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]
–🐺–🐺–🐺–
Hello My Sentimental Girls, Bois and Enbys,
Please be kindly warned that I am going to be overpoweringly sensitive as I write this. Not necessarily because Are You Sure?! has unfortunately come to an end, but because, as I try to write this post, as always, “through” my TwinFlame’s JK emotional lens, the last two episodes really were so full of so many feelings that I am trying my best to order my thoughts and do them justice. Like, let me tell you, this boy really felt plenty, or better yet he allowed himself to truly feel a lot hence, as always, through respectful speculation and educated guessing I’ll try my best to convey my related observations. 
Towards the end of the post I’ll also have a little confession to make about something that I have been so determinedly ignoring, because the mere thought always makes me so uncomfortable, sad, and a tiny bit scared, so there’s also that.
All that being said, here I am, concluding this physical/sentimental journey, with my unrequested thoughts but with a hopeful sense that perhaps writing this down will somehow lessen my emotional weight, because let’s be for real, I am going to have AYS withdrawals on Thursday. So, is this post going to be long?  … 🤡 I mean, you should know me by now. For those who don’t know me, yes, it will be a long post 🙏🏾.
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Truly free things are hard to come by nowadays. Undoubtedly, money has effectively found its way into our everything. Yet, there is one thing that hasn’t changed in its acquired value as in, how you get by it, and how you get it, etc. This one thing is still available free and you can find it anywhere, LITERALLY. However, whether or not you’ll be able to acquire it, and eventually keep it, is, to this day, one of the most debated, discussed, joyed over, cried over, mused over, etc, topic. 
Yes, you’ve guessed; it’s Love. 
I don’t believe I was actually ever taught about just Love in all its forms. Not at home, not at school school talked about famous people in love, sexual education, popular love … basically they beat around the bushes 🙄, or amongst friends, and if I had, I do not recall it, at all and y’all, I have one heck of a good memory, I will not be humble about that. I think that my first notions and ideas I formed about the concept of Love came through books and films, and let me tell you, there is an infinite related archive out there, which can be as exciting, as much as dangerous. Regardless, even though it was never really explained to me same for everyone most likely, as I grew up, EVERYONE loooved to talk about it, ALL THE TIME, so somehow, I made my own understanding of it. 
One of the things I understood was that some day, when I would become a woman, I would find an adult man, have a family, children, and live happily ever after because I would fall in love and some man would fall in love with me. I understood it as a given; Everyone, of a certain gender, falls in love with someone, of the opposite gender, because there is someone out there, of a certain gender, for everyone, of the opposite gender, just waiting to find you or to be found. Basically, Everyone will eventually find, and forever keep, mutual heterosexual romantic Love.
Spoiler alert: It wasn’t not true.
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In fact, the true state of things is actually the very opposite. The minority of people on this planet, heterosexual or not, will experience, and live with true mutual romantic love, and will be able to keep it for a very long time, and even fewer others will be able to take it all the way to the day they die, those are at the Legendary Level ones. And I am not saying this because I am jaded or bitter or any other hurt and/or hater-inclined-behaviour, you can really miss me with alla dat. This is just that one very helpful, and hard, to accept and you don’t have to accept it by the way! reality that should hit everyone at some point, but not always does. When it doesn’t hit, people may end up tormenting themselves sometimes to death when and/or if they can’t “find love”, wondering if they are unloveable, what is wrong with them, etc etc etc.  
Reason why, it is paramount to love yourself first and foremost. 
Because it might be true that someone is “unlovable” or that there is “something wrong with them” but, if true, this is principally hindering one’s well-being because, finding and trying to fix whatever might be amiss with one's self, may not guarantee a successful mutual romantic love, but it does guarantee a happier life in general. I mean, listen, if in the scope of things, you might end up having to spend the rest of your life without a mutual romance, meaning, you have to spend infinite time with you, yourself & YOU, how is that going to work, if you don’t love yourself …? And, just in case it wasn’t common knowledge, Loving Yourself is not easy, like any other relationship, it takes work. The reason why therapy ain’t cheap ✌🏾💰💋but needed, honestly.
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So, let’s make no mistake; alas Love, in any of its forms btw, if it is harmful, it is not Love is needed. In fact, as it turns out, human beings were “programmed” in such a way that having it in one's life would make their existence progress less painfully, or even painlessly. In addition, self-love is one of the purest, satisfying, and incredibly useful types of love out there.
ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, for those lucky enough to find & keep romantic love regrettably, thus far, I am not one of those, trust me when I tell you, it is not at all smooth sailing. There are just so many factors to be factored in and the bear thought of it all can honestly be enough to make anyone not want to be bothered by it.
Yet, my beloved and most precious, TwinFlame seems to have found it. Now, I can’t guarantee it to be romantic as always, despite me believing it to be so but he sure as hell is fighting his darn life to keep it. So, yes, hm, I think
JK is in Love.
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If it wasn’t clear enough in episode 1 all the way to this finale, JM is a person whose presence JK particularly wants in his life, and whose absence kinda makes him feel sort of … unsettled? … but I’ll dive deep into this, later on in this post. For now, it is important to point out that my TwinFlame not only actively looks after JM, but he actively seeks JM’s attention, he actively wants to be sought by JM, he actively tries to make JM happy, he actively wants to level with JM, he actively wants JM to be comfortable around himself JK and for JM to be comfortable with himself JM. Basically, JK cares, in his own way, quite loudly for JM. And I say “his own way” because I believe JK’s emotional intelligence (EI) to be somewhat different from the common ones. I actually received an ask about his EI, which I plan to answer very soon 🙏🏾, so for now, I will not dive into that in this, cos I really ain’t trying to compete with the length of dictionaries with this post 😬. 
Japanese people, traditionally, have a fascination for sad love stories, and ever since I got into 875, I’ve been wondering if Koreans feel the same way but in their case, it is likely to be just Sadness period. You see, in the West, we “all” love a heartbreaking and passionate love story, the reason why Romeo and Juliet will probably be eternally famous. Yet, we don’t believe that true love is love, because it is brought about by unbearable suffering, so it must be real. We are more of the true love, is love, because it leads to immeasurable happiness kinda style. Basically we Westerners love Romeo and Juliet because of what they could have been, but Japanese and maybe Koreans would love Romeo of Juliet because of what they were to each other. So when a person like me watches a movie like 5 Centimetres per Second and swears to never watch it EVER AGAIN which I haven’t and refuse to, a Japanese person might think that is probably one of those movies they’ll find themselves watching over and over again and let me tell you, it was great, I just don’t think I can handle a second viewing, no thanks.
So if I am correct in thinking that Koreans feel similarly as Japanese in this matter, JK, like many other Korean folk, loves to sing sad/angsty/melancholic songs. Either by himself, or in company, like he used to with Tae probably they still do as well as watching sad movies, like JM’s favourite being The Notebook and JK’s being Titanic. Yet, here is where the glitch in the matrix happens; JK was most likely not that serious but wasn’t he? 😬 when he brought this up however, he seemed to be a little bothered by the fact that JM really liked “Hate You” out of all the song in his album. JM sang Seven, 3D and Standing Next to You this particular one he kept bringing up like there was no tomorrow, throughout all 3 trips, yet, when he played Hate You in the car, for the second time because he had as well in episode 6 JK was like; “Why?”. 
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Let me tell you something.You know how I usually skip Spring Day, cause I can’t really handle it? Before AYS Ep. 8 I used to skip Hate You as well for the same reasons as Spring Day; it was too sad for me to bear as it felt closely related him singing it alone makes me relate it to him in my flowed brain, even though he didn’t write it 🙃 to people I love, people being the Tannies. Lovely by Khalid and Billie Eilish in comparison is MUCH SADDER but because I am in no way emotionally connected to either Khalid or Billie I don’t mind listening to the song at all I love that song. 
Anyways, Long story short, it looked like it bothered him a tiny bit. It felt almost as if “Sure, we are Koreans and we like sad love songs, this being an excellent one, but I don’t want MY love story to be sad” kind of bothered “also this better have NOTHING to do with the fact that Shawn Mendes wrote this song!” - perhaps nervously thought JK 🤡🤣😂. In fact, there are a few situations that came up, involving him and JM, which “bothered” him and he had no qualms in bringing up with JM right away, which by the way is healthy AF. JK seems to be the type of partner that wants to confront you right away and will not let it be until he hears the words that make him know that the “conflict” is cleared to his own satisfaction, or until he senses you don’t want to talk about it any further in that particular moment.
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Those are all examples, during AYS, where JK was satisfied with the answer that JM gave him to the legit concerns/silly questions he brought up. JK’s reaction right after all of those answers was him being content/happy, by laughing, singing along, or something else, hence moving on. Below is an example where he wasn’t satisfied with the answer:
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Did he just drop it? Did they talk it out? As always, we will never know, as this part cuts into another scene. Only JK, JM and the editors will know and this is a fact we should never forget. Never forget about editing limitations, and this is a very good moment to add that even though whoever translated this show did a shitty ass job, the crew that went with them, to film in Sapporo specifically, seemed to be quite familiar with them, their dynamics almost like friends, which I think contributed with JK and JM feeling as comfy as they did in Japan.
Japan.
By the looks of it, this is the country that holds special meaning to both myself and my TwinFlame and, NGL, this kinda makes me happy and feel special LOL 😜. BUT, I DIGRESS! Didn’t JK seem a bit more … relaxed? Besides the very romantic fact that he wanted to go back to Tokyo because it was their first trip, didn’t JK seem a tad flirtier, a tad cuter, a tad more annoying, a tad comfier and just so fucking happy? He, and I’d dare say JM as well, truly let their guards down, even if just a tad. The fact that JK & JM wondered how the crew would have edited the content tells me that they were fully aware about the fact that they were being filmed, but didn’t want to think too much about it, because they wanted to also have a sense of freedom. Because of that, perhaps, they tried to give us as much realness as they could, restraining themselves in some instances, while also saying Fuck it! in few other cases during which they perhaps forgot about the fact that they were being filmed, confidently relying on their trusted crew to properly edit the footage in the best way possible. But back to the main point,
JK is in Love.
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JK is probably the type of person who wishes he could have an answer, and/or remedy, to any problem his significant other may have. Yeah, he is probably the type of man that wishes he could take away all their pain, or feel it for them instead, and it is exactly because he seems to be willing to do anything for his loved one’s well-being that I think that sometimes he does struggle with some of their societal boundaries, such as; age hierarchy. Without getting too much into his EI, the part in episode 7 where he brings up how things would have been if he and JM would have been born the same year really stood out and stayed with me.
In this particular instance, for the first time I finally got to see him kinda mind about their age difference, almost troubled and not because he might think it to be a lot which it isn't at all, but because according to their societal practices, he theoretically should constantly be mindful about it, limiting greatly the actions he can do, not that he’s ever heed to them, but the fact is that he should, and in certain situations, he must. If we think about it properly, right from their debut years, JK has struggled a lot with referring, and treating, JM as a hyung, which is actually quite weird considering that the person he treated more like a “chingu” friend of the same age in this context was is Tae, even though, to my knowledge, he’s never dropped honorifics with him and had no desire in doing so, as explained during the first In The Soop which in hindsight, I’m sure must have confused Tae a lot who has been trying to be his cool hyung for as long as I can remember  (the following pictures are not from In The Soop, but Festa 2021). 
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Like, it is honestly so peculiar how, back in the day, JK had never really treated JM as your typical “chingu”, nor a hyung, yet found himself sticking by JM’s side a lot, off cameras, filming him a lot, acting stand-offish just to apologise right after, staring at him a lot, learning all his likes and dislikes, studying his body and habits, doing questionable things such as focusing rather often on his lips and butt through a camera lens, which eventually evolved into JM being the first member he’s ever bought a gift for, as well as being the first member he’s ever travelled alone with… basically, as I’ve stated, JK has really never seen JM as his hyung or friend though he does try to remind himself of it. 
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So if JM is not a hyung, or a “chingu”; then what is he? 🙄… 
Wanna know what’s even funnier? JM clearly cares about JK enormously and though he likes most of all of his sides cos JK can be annoying when he wants to 🤡✌🏾 the side he likes the most is his cute side; but here comes the catch. It would seem that from their debut days, JM truly became fond of that cutesy, happily skipping, side that JK shows with his hyungs in particular and the fact that they are ALL his hyung, including JM, just made writing this sentence so weird NGL …, that cuddly, super-maknae aura he has many a time, with literally everyone but the 95s, because Tae, as speculated, he seems to see as a chingu and JM as a … charming person?? Whatever that means.
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Now JK does give JM “cute”, sometimes, but it is not the little brother kind of cute. It’s that “don’t go without me…” kind of cute, “let’s buy the same one” kinda cute, “you didn’t show me first, so I am hurt” kinda cute, “how do I look?” kind of cute “I can film you, but don’t film me” kind cute, “... spend time with ME!” kinda cute … you get the jist, don’t you? Cause, repeat after me; He a simp, he a simp, he a simp! And there is nothing wrong with being a simp tbh, as long as you own up to it, and JK does own up to it marvellously 💋.
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And remember when I mentioned about him feeling sort of unsettled when JM isn’t around? I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days but doesn’t it almost feel like a sort of … separation anxiety? Through the whole episodes it sometimes felt like he tried to do as much as possible, of anything, with JM as if he would just take off and leave at some point. This could also explain him always popping up on WEVERSE whenever JM took a flight, or trying his darn best to get him to come around even though they had just spent so much time together in the US. But who knows right? Perhaps he just really loves to spend every hour, every minute, every second with JM because, like crazy,  
JK is in Love.
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So in love that he thought it important for himself to drive them to the airport, hence he didn’t drink that last beer I know he was dying inside, as well as taking a flight to Korea with JM, when he really could have just flown to the US from Japan. So in love that out of all the trips he's been to in his life, Are You Sure?! is the best trip he’s ever been on and he wishes to reboot when they come out of the military, where, by the way, they presently are together 🤡 . So in love that he wasn’t going to have JM get sad and lost in his own thoughts while in his presence, no, reason why, like a knight in shining armour, he “went and saved” him from his slump and not because JM was a princess in distress, but because prince charming also needs saving every once in a while If you ask me, the main “princess” in this relationship is my TwinFlame, no doubt, cause I also fo happen to think that they do take turns, for sure. Hence, the main “prince charming” is most definitely JM, and btw, frequency of a certain behaviour is not a factor that determines who is “main” 💋. 
Marengo Confession-Time!  😬- here it goes: I love watching people react to ANY 875 content, but I haven’t been able to watch anybody react to Are You Sure?! Because to put it plainly I am scared. I’m scared that people will question their relationship, or have homophobic reactions, or feel uncomfortable watching them when they do what they do. I just don’t want them to be hated for something they can’t help and are comfortable with. For the most part I am sure they would maybe nt comment, or chalk it up as “brotherly behavior", but what if they don’t? In fact, I am also so apprehensive of the reaction the world would have if they are a couple if they ever came out, it genuinely terrifies me.
I don’t want them to be looked at like freaks, or worse, so I am not able to bring myself to watch people react to them, in the same way I turn off when people have unwarranted shit to say when reacting to 875’s music. If they are a couple, I truly want them to be happy, safe, and become part of the Legendary Level ones. So, even though the world may not be fully ready to want their chapter in their history books, I hope it will someday,  because theirs would be such a motivating and enthralling chapter at that. 
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I don’t know what will await them when they come out of ME. It is interesting though that JK made all these memories during the trip to take with himself and think about while serving. The snow he watched with JM, the restaurants they ate at, the time they tried skiing for the first time, the antics in the sauna and the “scuzzi”, the tuna-mayo gimbap he knew JM would love, the good afternoon and good night whiskey, and more. Now that I think about it, in some way, JK has a similar Love background to mine, he most likely wasn’t taught that romantic Love can come from someone of the same gender and he wasn’t exactly taught that not having children or a traditional family can be okay. 
Yet, I have a feeling that just like me, through movies perhaps, songs, or other means he’s figured out a thing or two. I have a feeling that he will decide for himself what Love is to himself, all the forms of Love he will need, who embodies Love for him, and what role Love will take in his life, and whether or not JM turns out to be that person MAKE NO MISTAKE: JM is an incredibly important person in his life. So, it is a strong feeling I have, but then again when has JK ever not taken control of his own life? When has he ever not followed his instincts and/or succumbed to what people want him to do? Same for JM really. 
These are two boys who found themselves in Seoul even though they were born in Busan, like, the universe wanted them to meet. They are two boys, who, along with the other five, made the phrase impossible Is Nothing feel real. After all, these are indeed two boys who really can’t be told to do anything. There is a very famous quote, which kinda makes me think of them:
I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul.
So yeah, the future is uncertain but one thing is for sure, no relationship that took so long, so much care, and so many trails to build, can be so easily destroyed. So, fighting TwinFlame, whatever it is you want, you got this! 👊🏾.
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Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💜,
Marengo.
PS - Dammit! I miss them so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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shorthaltsjester · 1 year
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begging twitter to stop showing me tweets of people with no reading comprehension misrepresenting things I said but since i was going to make this more in-depth post Anyway .
when i say imogen is better read as a metaphor for generational trauma than she is a metaphor for queerness or chronic pain, i’m not talking about legitimate traits she has as a character. obviously she is queer. obviously she experiences some form of chronic pain (though i would argue her magic better suits chronic illness not pain because she states that it’s Not always painful, but it does always influence how she lives her life).
when i talk about how well she’s understood as a metaphor, i’m talking about when i’m looking at her as a part of a story, as an arc that i am witnessing rather than in the more typical fandom way of this is a fictional person who interacts with exandria as real people do. and that is a fun way to interact with characters, i enjoy it a lot! but when i say imogen (to me, as i for some reason have to clarify on my own blog which implies that these are my own opinions and not absolute fact that needs to be accepted by people on the internet with different experience and opinions than me) is best read as a metaphor for generational trauma, it isn’t a dismissal of her queerness or her illness, it’s just me thinking looking at her from that angle is more compelling.
imogen has been one of my favourite characters and least favourite characters in campaign 3 because i tend to analyse her through a lens of generational trauma and she ends up looking extremely familiar to me as someone with a family that carries their’s heavily which is as comforting as it is frustrating.
for me the main thing that looking at imogen through a queer lens of literary analysis fails to account for is harm. on the one hand - the harm that imogen experiences, not because of how people treat her for who she is, but that exists simply as a factor of her being ruidusborn. on the other hand a the harm that imogen causes. not to say that she is some malicious villain waiting for her chance to harm others, but that there are things about being ruidusborn that very much do incline her towards violence in a way that she might not otherwise be - i think about the conversation after she went nuclear and chet brought up people being scared of her connecting that to her father keeping distance. the only harm that queerness provides comes from society, and that isn’t the case in exandria. even metaphorically, the thing that society fears in ruidusborn people (while it has certainly been exacerbated by centuries of superstition and practices like we saw in zephrah) is a tangible threat. imogen’s magic when not controlled can wipe out a city block, but queerness poses no threat.
that’s why i’m not compelled by imogen’s backstory as a queer metaphor. not because i’m some imodna anti (i very emphatically am not but this fandom kinda makes me wish i was sometimes) or because i think exandria’s lack of homophobia/transphobia means that characters can’t be viewed through a queer lens or that critical role doesn’t contain some of the most compelling queer metaphor i’ve encountered. imogen just isn’t one of those characters, not because she isn’t queer, or because i think her story shouldn’t resonate with queer people, just because i find the generational trauma angle more consistent.
it’s similar with the chronic illness angle, which i will refer to as illness but you’re welcome to emphasise pain, we all have different vocabularies for the experiences we face. but just to give context i’m running off laura’s comparison of imogen’s powers to her own sensory issues and anxiety which while often Lead to pain, fall more into chronic illness in imogen’s context to me. and i do think there’s substantial comparison for imogen’s story as a metaphor for chronic illness, but i think that was much more true earlier in the campaign than it is looking at her from the current context. her beginning motivation being her search for knowledge about her powers really resonated with me as similar to someone experiencing symptoms of chronic illness but who could neither figure out how to treat them or what they were caused by.
but then imogen got more information, specifically about her mother, and her priority became not understanding her powers but understanding her current state as a person - how had she become the person she is, inclusive of her powers but very much emphasising her lack of a mother who became more and more present in the unweaving web of ruidusborn lore. that’s when i was less compelled by the chronic illness reading and more compelled by viewing her as a metaphor for generational trauma. had that not been enough on its own, imogen’s visit to relvin and her recent thoughts on her mother would be enough to convince me.
the part that makes me hesitant about this post is that generational trauma is so intensely linked to the contexts under which it is created and perpetuated. so i can’t really point to specific scenes as evidence of specific things that prove generational trauma is the most compelling and i don’t really want to unload that much of my own experience to clarify my thoughts on a character. but vaguely, i will say that imogen’s relationship with her parents is obviously the clearest source for my reading her as a metaphor for generational trauma. the fact that relvin, the only person in her family without the thing that draws society’s ire, is also the person that she has the most willing anger at is also indicative of this to me. in general, imogen’s rage that so easily transitions into sadness and vice versa comes out a lot in conversations about parents. most recently, i think about ashton’s lovely speech about found family and his distrust about parents and how as they were speaking, laura seemed to be playing imogen as sadly in thought versus months ago when fearnes parents showed up with striking similarities to liliana and imogen’s words of wisdom were let’s hurt them all.
and like. to me that angersadnessvengeancegrief is particularly evocative of the feelings that arise when you are in a family with generational trauma, especially when you are aware of it. because imogen can and has followed the logical steps that have led her and her family to where they are. early on when recounting her relationship with her dad she seemed wistful but understanding of the distance between them. in nearly every encountered with a parental figure imogen seems to be some level of distrusting for the most part, but she’s still holding out hope that her mother will see the good side. and further, there’s the complication of how dire her losing her powers seems to be, and how inextricable her powers are from every aspect of her life. she’s also southern and from a blue collar family. this means nothing except it also means a whole lot.
this is messy and not well organised but if you want a good essay you’re gonna have to pay me money for it but tldr: i say things i believe on my This Is My Opinion Blog and i don’t think i need to explain my thoughts to strangers on the internet but this was already half written in my drafts and if people are gonna shit on my opinions please at least do it in good faith and shit on my actual opinions not the ones you’ve decided i have.
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rainswept · 7 months
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saving u all from the asshole fuckboy aventurine agenda half of this fandom is so hellbent on portraying
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closedrop · 1 year
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I drew this with a mouse, be amazed tumblr users!
As a nice bonus I shall also include some goofy Vash images
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nerdyenby · 3 months
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Me when I get burned at the stake because I think Nadakhan was a better villain than Morro
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We as a collective do not talk about 9x7 Bad Boys nearly as much as we should it has so so much to unpack about Dean and his early years
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saeshiraw · 1 year
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watching ror and i just have some thoughts
#ROUND TWO WAS UNACCEPTABLE PLS I WAS CRYING#adam’s line was so iconic it literally brought me to tears#“does any man alive need a good reason to want to protect his children?” and i was sobbing#full on sobbing i wasn’t even hiding it anymore it was so emotional and truly a good fight#ADAM ON TOP!! just thinking about that ep has me emotional again like i love adam fr#and i have just been so desperate for the humans to win so when i spoiled myself that humans were gonna win in the 3rd round i was so happy#BUT AT WHAT COST#i ended up becoming attached to poseidon out of all the characters lmfaoo 😭😭😭 i was cheering mr sushi on he is so cool and ugh i just#i could talk about this man for hours like he is the epitome of beauty and he’s so elegant HE DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE 😭#but also i love sasaki and he’s so respectable n admirable that i really don’t know who i’m cheering for atp 😭 this animanga has me in#SHAMBLES! left me emotionally wrecked and so hyped at the same time#but so far my favorite fight would still be jack the ripper vs hercules like wait okay i could go on n on about how much#i love the detail that goes on in jack’s character n how genius it was that hilde chose him for that round ugh it was so good#i would say deep down adam vs zeus is my most fav fight or poseidon vs kojiro but the outcomes of those HURT i can’t not cry#I LOVE SHIVA TOO#can’t wait for qin shi huang vs hades roundd hnggrrr#bro i wanna write a poseidon fic so bad but for some reason i have been itching to write for jack like !! feef#nami [ rambles ]
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hobisexually · 2 years
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#hello it’s your weekly scheduled trauma dump on tungle dot com!#I never knew how to explain why I don’t like the holidays right#because yes! I’m full of love and warmth and want to celebrate nice times with the people I love! absolutely#and I like the coziness and the everything#but Monday it was Sinterklaas and it used to be my favourite holiday of them all#it truly makes me feel like a kid and I used to hold on to this holiday with my tiny fists SO tightly because it was just. pure joy.#minus the racism re: piet obviously that’s a whole other can of worms I won’t get into rn#but this Monday it all exploded because of my dad and it was truly a throwback to my entire teenage years#and how it was all about appearances and pleasing anyone but me only to sit in a car and think about how fake it all is and how#that love isn’t. felt. not really. it’s always been about unspoken pain hè projects onto everyone else without respecting your boundaries#and I just can’t do it anymore and this time I set a firm hard no and his temper tantrum led to my mum choosing him over me EVEN THOUGH#THEY ARE LITERALLY DIVORCED??????????#‘amber hes crying it’s heartbreaking you’re coming’#yeah well I was also crying at WORK by myself where it is of the UTMOST importance to me they don’t know about any of this#but no no this whole grown man who is in a fucked situation with his family OF HIS OWN UNDOING is who we’re choosing instead of your child#I went! I put on my big girl pants and went and said hi to his family and was more than civil and celebrated with the kids#but it cost me so much. and for the first time ever I saw exactly how much it really cost me#I spent three whole days trying to set a boundary and stand up for myself only for it to be discarded because my No doesn’t matter ever#then I was so stressed i broke my own body in an attempt trying to be civil like my entire cheek is swollen from biting it I literally#haven’t been able to eat properly since Tuesday. my stomach hurts. my headache hasn’t gone. and I am so so so tired I fell asleep at 7pm#and I’ve been white as a sheet everyone at work could tell something was wrong but they didn’t know What exactly#and just. the contact with this man. I can’t keep doing it not when it does /this/ to me#I can’t even properly explain what it’s like or what happens. just that I can’t do it anymore because it’s tearing me apart and it actively#holds me back? I spent the past four years in therapy talking about and trying to fix everything he instilled in me but is holding me back#in my life. in my relationships. in my work. in the way I look at /myself/#I can’t keep surviving I have to start living#and it’s ALWAYS worse around the holidays. the worst fights and nights of my life have been during the holidays#I am thirty years old and I was suddenly a fifteen year old this week who desperately needed help but wasn’t getting it#and I refuse to live like that ever again. I’m done. I’m done!#and it’s deeply sad and upsetting but we can’t fix this. we just can’t.
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rosemary-bells · 2 years
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there’s not a lot of like super longish fics on ranwan from what i’ve seen and like. on one end sure that’s sad and everything bcs this story is legitimately. rly good.
and on the other end. it’s kind of a relief. bcs like. less Plot (suffering flavored) for them to go through. haven’t they gone through enough?? haven’t th. sobs.
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chryzure-archive · 2 years
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scenes that made me throw down the book and pace my room like a caged tiger.
#memorie.txt#s.chrysiarchie#i was like ‘WHAT!!!!!! DO NOT DO THIS TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!’#currently brainstorming ways chrysi finds out#funny option: archie finds out first and he is like ‘oh… this… makes me embarrassed. since i spent so much time distancing myself frm you bc#i didn’t want to risk a close relationship when i was going to die. meanwhile you were willing to take the plunge despite ur disease.’#funnier option: chrysi finds out archie’s dying first and she does not say anything hehe :) she jst sits in agony :)#and then she reveals it with ‘let’s play a game. whoever dies first wins.’ and archie thinks she jst says it bc of her dangerous job.#(spoiler alert: neither option is funny)#i also don’t know how clear i’m being rn. my head is KILLING me#but i love the idea of archie’s disease being revealed first#and he has to deal w chrysi being heartbroken over it#archie thinks it’s normal!! the way she’s reacting!! because YEAH she found out the man she loves is dying!!#and i mean. it IS. but chrysi’s also grieving the fact that she’ll STILL die first#and that archie won’t even live long enough to get over her + live a long and happy life#because… he’s dying too…. he’s dying at a slower rate than her but he’s still dying#godddddd THAT hurts. and archie finding out and he’s like ‘WAIT. ACTUALLY THIS FUCKING SUCKS. WHY DO WE BOTH HAVE TO VE DYING.’#is sad :( don’t think abt it too hard because it hurts so much#i started out this ship as a way for chrysi to be a lesson to archie.. something funny and heartwarming#chrysi teaching the flirt how to love… and now it’s the worst race to the end for both of them#A R G H!!!! IN ANGUISH!!!
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finalhaunts · 2 years
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#.txt#fuck man.#thinking about my ex. agh.#i dont know how i feel about things i guess#ive moved on and im happy he’s happy /gen but also whenever I think about him I just get so upset#I guess I’m just wondering what I did wrong. its been over a year and im still just so upset whenever i think about it#because it had been nearly two years since we got together and he just. broke up with me out of the blue.#and I never got an explanation as to why. even when I asked he didn’t tell me#and part of me is thinking ‘’well i should just respect whether he wants to say or not’’ but at the same time don’t I deserve some closure?#he said it wasn’t because of her at least. but part of me can’t help thinking he left me because he was happier with her.#I feel like maybe I was just too much. and thats why he left.#im too anxious and too paranoid and too scared whenever i enter a relationship because i don’t want to do something unforgivable.#i dont want to hurt anyone. that’s the last thing i want. I don’t want to push anyone away.#and im hurt that it didnt work out and i want to know what I did wrong but#at the same time i feel like im. happier. now that im out of that relationship#he wssnt a bad guy and he still isnt /gen. i just. i dont know#looking back on the relationship i don’t feel like i was happy. and once we broke it off we drifted apart quickly#and even if he didnt do anything wrong i feel Very uncomfortable over the thought of us interacting again. even just as mutuals or whatever#I think I’ve honestly just given up on trying to find love. its never worked out for me#ill just stick to the fictional ones. thanks.#also if anyone readjng has any clue who this js please dont mention it#this isnt like. a callout or me trying to smear him or whatever he’s genuinely a great guy#im just. having a lot of mixed emotions. even after so long.#vent
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flowachild · 1 month
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anyway I saw this man that tried to play me last year to the point that I cried and he came up to hug me while he was with his friends and I gave him the nastiest look 😭
#I actually don’t even care anymore and realize I was bein incredibly dramatic because of my insecurities but sir we r not friends lol#and I looked good af that day I know he felt dumb 😭😭😭#he was doing dumb shit like lying and saying he didn’t like going out much to get me to sleep with him and then posting date nights on his#story#like u think I forgot 🤭#thoughts#and I say all this to say I look back on every man I cried over and I’m like wow they’re bums and we were sooo incompatible#and I genuinely would have been miserable if it worked out#and God was lookin out for me so hard#but at the time it felt like my heart was bein ripped from my chest#and I can’t wait to fully feel this way about this man#the extra hurt from him treating another girl right after using me and me comparing myself to her is making it extra hard to move on#but I’m already halfway there because I truthfully did not enjoy speaking to him his personality was bland and his looks are fading 😭#I was way too funny for him and he’s balding with a beer belly cuz he’s an incoming alcoholic#no way I’m still crying over him all this time later omg ew#and his dick was sooooooooooo small nor did he know how to use it 😭 I cannot believe myself when I really take it in#this is why I’ll never have casual sex again it makes me brain dead#like me and my ex had almost nothing in common and he was also boring but i cried for so long thinking he was the best I could ever do wow#self love is so imperative
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yearning-butch · 5 months
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Hi stupid ramble in the tags plz feel free to Please Don’t Look At Me
#ughhhhhh man idk I just have been kind of in my head about dumb stuff#like how badly I want to love and be loved#how much I long for a silly sweet romance but I’m also#so scared??#I think a lot about my own inexperience#I’ve been in one shitty relationship and didn’t exactly learn much#like idk I just don’t know how to do the whole romance thing#how to flirt how to show interest without overstepping but also without being too vague/seeming like I don’t care#I don’t have experience with communication#I don’t know what is too much or too little#I LOVE acts of service but I don’t want to be one of those people that love bombs#I don’t know how to read intentions and wants very often#I want to hold hands I know that but how do I know if someone else does? if it’s too much to ask?#I want to kiss someone but how do I know if it’s okay to ask? or if I’m just going to overstep and make someone uncomfortable?#hell how the fuck do you kiss someone#what if I’m just really bad at it#like it’s silly but I’m so scared of my own inexperience#and I know realistically that these are things I’ll learn#and relationships aren’t perfect and I’ll inevitably make someone uncomfortable and vice versa#people mess up and no one is perfect#but idk I just feel like a train wreck#I want romance and romantic intimacy so bad but I don’t know how to do it or how to reach for it#it’s just something that’s been on my mind lately I guess idk#just *sick* with longing and I don’t know what to do with all the affection bottled up in my chest#I want to love and be loved so fucking badly it hurts#(and like. I know romance isn’t the end all be all of life#but man if I don’t crave it anyway)
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sinningvin · 6 months
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Imagine getting triggered over Toontown corporate clash dialogue couldn’t be me
#god this is the lamest side effect of ptsd#or just trauma in general#unhealthy management of stress? constantly being on edge? being scared to socialize?#nah this is the worst part because it’s so embarrassing#anyways ‘can you say owch?’ Flint bonpyre your days are numbered#god man if you hate belittliling why do you do it to me#why are you like this#is everyone else like this?#‘hi I’m your narrator. Cody is now going to go into a brief downward spiral questioning if his f/os love him and why he is always bullied’#I mean if flints like this are other cogs like this too? in the cog suit description I think there was a part talking about manipulating -#deals and toons#and now I’ve been really worried that my f/os#(specifically Misty (because my abuser was a woman and as a result I was scared to talk and make friends with girls) and Allan (because#-he’s a higher ranking cog))#wouldn’t actually love me and would manipulate and hurt me in our relationships#and I’m scared they would take the chance to infantilize me and condescend me#and I have absolutely massive trauma relating to that#also if you bring up that Misty was treated badly I was bullied severely by many kids that were bullied too#like I would see it play out two or three years before they would call me slurs and shit#so I’m scared it might be like that#I don’t know why people don’t like me and consider me the lowest of the low#I think it’s because I’m neurodivergent and transgender#but everyone hated me#the only person who would really hang out with me the whole year was actually really creepy towards me#and the others all went away because the school was shut#I don’t know I’m just scared my f/os would infantilize and hurt me for the same reasons my abuser and every who bullied me did#if that makes sense#like I’m actually tweaking I’m panicking#why am I always the denizen that has to suffer#it’s always me
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