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diariesofabuggygirl · 6 years

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Being Disabled is an Emotional Rollercoaster

Can we get real for a bit? Can we talk about all of the stops on the emotional journey that is being disabled? And how they loop around and around and a round?

Let’s talk first about what has triggered this long post:

What about the people who are sick and are suffering, but go out of their way to make it seem like they’re as sick (or have been for as long) as you when they actually aren’t?

Look. If you’re not, or have never been, as sick as I am/have been that’s a good thing. That’s not something I think badly of people for - I hope that’s obvious.

Also if you’re sicker than I am or have been sick longer I’m not gonna be weirdly jealous.

What I do have a problem with though is people who work to equate their suffering with yours when in fact it’s not the case. People who do so not in a supportive ‘I get it’ way but people who basically want attention.

If you’re sick I’m gonna give you the attention, support, and accommodations that you need and deserve. I guess not everyone is like that but when you’re in a group of or talking to another chronically ill/disabled person who’s dealt with all the things that we deal with (especially those of us with invisible illnesses and disabilities) you do NOT need to exaggerate.

That leads to some real bull shit.

I thought a girl was as sick as I was. In hindsight it was because she wanted me to think that. She went out of her way to make it so. It wasn’t that she tried to dramatize it to the correct level of how normal people would respond to a situation, by which I mean it wasn’t that she was desensitized to the crap she was dealing with and over corrected when trying to paint an accurate picture. It ended up being that she was unable to not be the center of attention. I keep having to learn that just because someone has been or is going through something awful, that doesn’t mean they are nice people.

If someone is sicker than you, you don’t need to one-up them. Just like if someone is worse off financially than you, or with any other hardship. You just don’t have to do it. In fact it should be avoided. Here’s why.

I was using this girl as a measuring stick. She started to work some (probably too quickly based on her health because she started also having financial issues). I thought ‘Gosh. Should I be pushing myself harder?!’ I didn’t think that there was any way that even if I was in as desperate a situation as her that I could be doing what she was doing - at least with the stamina that she was. I thought that maybe she was just stronger than I was.

That was a mistake. What I should have done was instead of going to a self blaming place do one of two things:

1. Realize that since I wasn’t as desperate maybe I didn’t have the adrenaline and such that she did. (I did somewhat realize this)

2. Allow myself to believe that, no really I couldn’t do that, but not because I wasn’t strong or because I lacked will power, but instead because I WAS SICKER.

Listen. There are a lot of variables in our lives, even among people with illnesses/disabilities and even those of us with the “same” illnesses/disabilities. One of the hardest things for us to shake in life is comparing ourselves to one another. But I truly believe that it is one of the most necessary things that those of us with chronic illnesses/disabilities (particularly invisible ones) have to do.

We are the last people who need to be hard on ourselves. We are the last people who need to put that sort of pressure on ourselves, or hold ourselves to such a high standard. Standards that are often unreasonable for able-bodied people.

As someone who has always had some illnesses (though I didn’t know it for a long time) but hasn’t always been disabled, this has been a journey. It took years after I became bedridden for me to even realize that I was disabled and that it was ok to use that term. Thinking that I would soon be better (it’s been ten years, never thought that it would be this long) it took years more to believe that I could use things created for disabled people. In part because I always thought I’d get better “soon” but in part because I thought I’d get better period, and not everyone would.

If you need a cane/wheelchair/whatever use one. If you don’t “need” (a word I have a complicated relationship with) it but it would still help or even might help, try it. If you need a handicap seat more than your average member of the public - you’re who they’re made for. If you need to ask to sit to the side of the merch line at a concert until you’ve waited an equal amount of time as others because you can’t/shouldn’t stand up that long - do it.

I myself have a hard time practicing what I preach with this. I often don’t do this. But damn it I always regret it. Ten years ago I never thought I’d still be sick now. Wouldn’t have dreamed it. But I look back and see all the times these things would have come in handy. For me this is complicated by the fact that I have a not-so-chronic chronic illness (on top of other truly chronic ones) that I will one day get better from. I always thought - or hoped- that I was right at the edge of getting “well” - or as close to it as I’ll get. I though it would be silly to buy a cane or a self pushing wheel chair to just use for a couple of months. Flash forward and it’s been ten years.

DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ABLE BODIED OR OTHER DISABLED PEOPLE

Just as others can’t tell what’s going on within you, you can’t tell what’s going on within others. Especially if your ideas of a healthy amount of pushing yourself have been skewed. For me they were skewed by the first eleven years of my life when I thought I was healthy, and further skewed by years of having to push, far too hard, to my own detriment in order to do literally anything.

Take a shower? Recover for 24 hours.

Brush my hair? 30 mins of increased fatigue.

Go to the mall with friends? A week full of seizures.

Yes I sometimes went out with friends. From a health perspective I shouldn’t have, from a mental health of a fourteen year old perspective I had to.

The friends who (thankfully) stuck around (or more so entered my life) when I got sick didn’t see how when I went home I couldn’t even shower let alone make myself a sandwich or attempt to do school work. They didn’t know that the day I spent with them was my entire week’s worth of activity.

I look back to that time in my life and I don’t know how I did it. If you asked me to do all that now, even with me being so much healthier, I couldn’t. In fact I wouldn’t even try. I would sometimes go to a friends house for a sleepover, go to church with them the next day, then the mall for literally six hours, and then a sex ed class that night. I went home and was bedridden the entirety of the rest of the week. Other than going to the bathroom, meeting with my homebound teacher, and occasionally going to another room to sit: that was it.

I also hate how sometimes I think I’m not allowed to say that I was bedridden because most of the time I technically could walk.

But FFS I was bedridden enough to say that I was bedridden.

Same with being homebound now. I use homebound now because most nights I can make myself a grilled cheese. I sometimes do leave the house. I sometimes even leave for things other than health appointments. But when I do it’s usually after an appointment and I pay for it for the next few days. When I am lucky enough to get out just for the fun of it I often think “So can I not say I’m homebound now?”

I’m not attached to the label because I want pity or attention. Although I will be honest and say that since I’ve not been taken seriously by the vast majority of people, and since most people that I trusted dropped off the face of the Earth when I got sick, I do sometimes wish I got a little more pity. Because when you’ve hurt as much as I have, for as long as I have, and you’re this isolated. It’s nice to have someone recognize that you are one strong MOFO. Usually though only people who have been through similar things will do that. Which is why it’s even more important that we don’t exaggerate our own issues to each other.

It’s also important that we are aware of who we are talking to and what they’ve been through/are going through. You should absolutely not complain to someone who had to leave school entirely in the sixth grade (and still hasn’t been back, even though they’d have graduated college by now) about not being able to make it to school every day this week. It’s one thing to do that a couple of times in the heat of the moment, it’s another thing to lack enough empathy to do that constantly. In the same way that you wouldn’t have a right to complain to an amputee that you broke your arm. Or that your hairline is receeding to someone who’s lost their hair completely.

I’m attached to labels for a similar reason that I enjoy finding out more of my diagnosis's. I enjoy find out more diagnosis’s because well, I’ve already got the damn thing, so it’s better to have a name for it so I can try to figure out how to fix it. When I have a word to use - like ‘homebound’ or ‘bedridden’ or ‘disabled’ it helps me validate my experiences, my hardships. Not just to others but to myself.

Recently I was diagnosed with Tethered Cord. Now this is something that they usually find in children, but they are finding more and more in adults. It’s something that they should have probably checked me for when I was eighteen months old. But instead I got very sick. I got sick with late stage neuro lyme. I got sick with many other things too. But at the same time that my lyme got really bad and I “crashed” my TC did too, probably because I was going through puberty and growing taller. I was told by many doctors that I was faking before I got any diagnosis at all. One of the nastiest was a neurologist. Sometime I think I might right him a letter. Let him now just how bad he effed up, and how much easier my life would have been had I had my TC fixed then. I would have healed faster (because I was younger), I wouldn’t have had so much nerve damage, and most importantly I wouldn’t have suffered so much for so long. I still would have had my other illnesses but the things that we’d written off as my lyme that were actually TC would have been fixed ten years earlier.

Anyway. I had an inkling that something else was wrong with me, since I was about to hit the ten year mark of lyme treatment. I pushed for a neuro work up. I asked about chiari because I’d read that they had changed the diagnostic guidelines. I didn’t have chiari, but I did have CCI and TC which together cause something very similar. Getting checked thoroughly for chiari by an EDS knowledgable neuro surgeon though got us looking into TC. He said that I should get checked out for it. I got my lumbar MRI and got lucky that my tethering showed up clearly on the imaging. We discussed it but he said that since I just had ‘some minor nerve stuff in my feet and very rare incontinence’ that he wouldn’t do surgery. I was surprised. I explained that I knew that it often didn’t cause all the symptoms I was having but that if there was even a chance it could make me feel better with all that I had going on, that I wanted to do it. He said ‘what all do you have going on?’

It was then that I realized that in my effort to give him the most clear cut symptoms of TC that I have, I forgot to give him a good picture of what my life is actually like. As soon as I said that I have been mostly bedridden or homebound for ten years he said we’ll do the surgery. But my being mostly bedridden/homebound has been going on so long that I didn’t even mention it. I didn’t even mention it. I don’t mention a lot of things. I’m sure people who are friends with me on facebook think I never shut up about my illnesses. But if they really truly realized that this is my life -literally constantly- I bet they’d change their tune. They don’t realize that when they stopped asking how I was (most, very quickly I might add) that didn’t mean I got better. My symptoms don’t stop just because I don’t mention them. It’s rare for me to mention symptoms at all, even to those I live with unless they’re worse or new, so that we can track them. In the grand scheme of things I almost never mention this crap. Not anymore than I have to. I’m a real trooper. Sometimes I forget to let myself believe that. Most people will never truly understand this, and I think that’s probably a good thing. Because it takes going through this to get it. If any of the kids I went to school with woke up with my daily symptoms, even with me being so much better than I was, they’d call 911 and think that they were dying. They’d insist are morphine and narcotics. They couldn’t do it.

I’m not glad that I have tethered cord. I am glad however that I’ve figured it out, that I pushed for another work up, that I wrote off that mean neurologist from when I was eleven, that we didn’t listen to any of the other nasty doctors who didn’t believe me, that we got to good ones who listen, and that this surgery may really help. And although it hurt bad at the time (or rather when I was back with it enough to realize it had happened) I’m glad the people that let me down got out of my life. It’s allowed me to realize that no one else’s opinions really matter when it comes to this sort of thing, because no one else is in my body. I had my mom, a couple of new/better friends (shout out to Emma and Lana) and really, that’s all you need. You’re much better off with then than with people doubting your pain.

Getting a diagnosis that is such a clear cut “oh wow” sort of thing, something that I need literal spinal surgery for has been interesting. I am no sicker now that I have this diagnosis. But to have something that, although many doctors don’t realize how serious it can be, your average person would be in an odd way impressed by has been sort of healing. I like knowing that I’ve got an even scarier seeming something going on. Lyme isn’t taken seriously. Not by the vast majority of doctors, and not by the vast majority of the public. They don’t know all that it can do. They don’t know how common it is. They don’t know that it’s everywhere. They don’t know that it’s similar to syphilis. That it bores down into your muscle and bone. That it gets into literally every part of your body. That it causes your blood to get too thick. Your brain to swell. Your heart to not work correctly. Your immune system to basically shut down. But when I say that my spinal cord is tied to my spinal column, that it’s pulling on my brain, people are much more likely to have an appropriate and proportionate response. I’ve always been this sick though. I was born with all of these issues. Nothing changed other than me being lucky enough to figure out another big piece.

I hate that this helps me. I hate that I still give a rat’s ass about what others think. I don’t in the traditional sense, at least not most of the time. I’m now older, wiser, stronger, more self assured. I now know because of how many times that it’s happened that if a doctor doesn’t think I have something wrong with me, and I do think so, that the doctor is almost definitely wrong. I have now had the experience of a doctor telling me that I was fine even though I knew that my organs were literally falling out of my body. Go to a different doctor and sure enough not one not two but four organs were prolapsed. I knew that before it was confirmed though. I know that I’m sick and I suffer. But after years of very few people treating you with the amount of respect you deserve for getting through the piles and piles of shit I dredge through all day every day, you start to doubt. After years of doctors saying I was faking I started wondering if they were right. But that didn’t make them correct. That didn’t make it true. And it didn’t make their behavior acceptable. All this going on so long that I’ve lived equal parts of my life before and after I crashed, this becoming my ‘normal’ doesn’t not make me healthy. It doesn’t mean that I’m normal. It doesn’t mean that now it’s ok to judge myself based off of societies standards.

Yes I had to leave school in the sixth grade. Yes I had to leave homebound in the eleventh. No I still don’t have my GED. Or drive. Nor have I been on a date, or been kissed, or stayed overnight without another adult present.

Yeah. Cuz I’m disabled. And that sucks. But that’s ok. It’s dealing with the illnesses and disabilities that suck, not me.

#lyme #spoonie #diasability #disabled #abelism #mine #diary #tethered cord

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punkpoemprose · 6 years

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At 11:11 on a random 1975 day, clouds were accompanied by storms of lightning and thunder. The stars in space were long gone since the sunrise, and there you stood, wearing a flower crown of fairy lights and daisies, not to mention overalls and combat boots. Your messy bun had been secured by bands and you were painting old books on white bedsheets, using oil paints. Your eyes were full of love, stark against the winged eyeliner. And when you were done, you left the beaches behind.

Okay, so first of all nonny this was so creative and brilliant that I hope you save it. Not only was it a great way to send me so so so many prompts at once, but it’s beautifully poetic as stand alone writing and I spent so much time just reading it over and over again! Well done and thank you so much for the asks!It’s kind of a lot so most of the answers are under the cut!

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.I won’t patronize you with world peace or anything like that because we all wish for that. My first wish would be for all of my friends to live close. My second wish would be that my loved ones would always be safe/happy/have everything they want and need. My final wish would probably be for one of those big beautiful Victorian homes and the means to fix it up the way I want (I actually love home repair and such). These would all bring me so much joy!

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?Yesterday I spent the day at the mall with a very good friend and had a ball, came home to a delicious shrimp etouffee my mother made, enjoyed a dinner conversation with both of my parents, had a wonderful video chat with my boyfriend after dinner, and had a sleepover with my little cousin that involved me drawing her riding on a unicorn. So all day yesterday was a happy memory!

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?I’ve had many a pixie cut in my day. I don’t know that I’d ever shave it all off or anything though.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?One song. As much as I love music, I love my family and friends more. One song I could deal with, but I refuse to pick one loved one over all the rest.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?I’ve never technically been either, but I accidentally swore in front of a little kid in Disney Springs while tipsy on vacation. I’m pretty boring honestly!

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?Kill. Even if it’s someone I loathe.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?Probably fairly recently. I cry a lot. The last time I really remember though is I teared up a lot when I got on a train back home after spending a couple days at my boyfriends. I cry every time I have to leave him/ he has to leave me. Hopefully we’ll be living together soon!

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?My college desk was quite organized and lovely. My home desk is a bit of a work in progress right now, but the main drawer is beautifully organized!

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.One of my favorite quotes is Oscar Wilde’s "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."To me it’s the ultimate “the world is shit, but if you can find one thing to reach for and care about, living is worth it” and that’s how I like to live my life, always looking forward to something and always working on something. It keeps the dark out.

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?In my head: currently doing soOut loud: probably about an hour ago. I’m always singing to myself, I would be now if it weren’t for my parents being asleep and I’d hate to wake them.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?This is kind of crazy, and it’s a long-ish story, but there’s this whole mystery in my life about a pearl necklace someone gave my dad that he gave me and he’s forbidden to tell me who gave it to him, so like any other person with a cool life mystery, I’d naturally like to crack it. So I’d like to know who gave it to my Dad.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?So far, probably getting my bachelors degree, but not really because of the degree itself, but because of how proud it made my family.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?I’ve thought about this one a lot. I’d pay off all my debt as well as my parents (thankfully it’s not all that much). I’d buy my dad all the fun tools/ machinery he’s always wanted as well as paying for all the stuff my mom would want done to the house. I’d buy one of those Victorian houses I’ve always wanted and would fix it up. I’d pay up front for my boyfriend and my own master’s degrees, my brother’s bachelors, and my Dad’s bachelor’s/ my mom’s Masters (they’re both nervous to go and if money wasn’t the problem I think they’d enjoy it). I’d invest in a bunch of start ups, buy derelict property and fix it up then rent and sell to low income families, and donate a bunch to my favorite charities. And then I would work in a library for the rest of my life, live within my means and continue to be charitable.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?Yes and no. Indiscretions and momentary lapses in judgement, yes. Chronic rudeness and causing emotional scarring, no. I think it’s an okay way to be. I wish I could forget the stuff that bothers me, but I don’t think forgiving is necessary all the time, so I’m happy with the way I am.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.In the words of Cinderella, “Have courage and be kind.”

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.Fall Out Boy got me through my preteen and teen years, connected me to a lot of my friends, and is still a band I like to listen to (their newest album isn’t my jam as much, but the old stuff speaks to me). They were also the first concert I ever saw with my boyfriend and I remember just being full of joy singing my heart out with him, soaking wet as they performed a second encore in the pouring rain.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.I already answered this one, but just to name one quickly, I’m quite proud of my home made Hermione costume.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?I’m very very open with both my parents so they know everything pretty much (I tattle on myself, haha), but I guess I wouldn’t want my mom to know about the days where I don’t eat (Dad gets that it’s more that I forget than anything weight related, mom worries that I have body image issues) and I wouldn’t want my Dad to know about my sex life (he knows I have one and that’s enough for both of our liking, but I can talk to my mom about it).

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?Reading or tv, brushing my teeth/ washing my face/ etc., putting the dogs in their area, heading up to bed and doing a bit of typing/tumblr/youtube/ something, putting on an oversize t-shirt, and then crawling between the covers and passing out.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?Jokingly I once said it would be “Not Becky“ because for years people confused my friend Becky and I (I’m talking from elementary school through college and probably still today).

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?I’d love to head up to Niagara Falls for a weekend (it’s like 3hrs from where I live by car) with both my parents, my brother, my boyfriend, and maybe my brother’s girlfriend. It seems like it would be fun to see the falls and maybe go to the Ripley’s museum on Clifton Hill. I loved that place when I was a kid!

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.I’m in love with my boyfriend of six (nearly seven) years. At first it was the new tingly sort of feeling when I realized I loved him. Everything made my heart warm and my head feel fuzzy and we were very very very overly affectionate in the beginning. Now though when I realize I love him and he loves me (it’s weirdly like a realization to me every single day) it’s just a comfortable feeling, like a nightlight that’s always on and you just notice the glow sometimes and smile about it.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.Everything is going to get so much better in life. Don’tsweat the small stuff. You’re going to make mistakes and don’t be afraid ofthem, I think you turn out okay even with them. You are so loved, now and in thefuture. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I know you’re afraidto ask because people tell you you’re smart and you don’t want them to thinkless of you, but smart people ask for help too, so don’t worry about it. Nomatter what I love you and am proud of you!

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?I also answered this one, but the short answer is blonde, shoulder length and wavy!

#aesthetic asks #thank you!#this was fun!#Anonymous

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nctinfo · 7 years

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[TRANS] [Interview with male friend] NCT Taeyong “SM street casting and striving to become a “soobagsang”!

Today, we share a truthful story of Taeyong that you have not heard before. - The concept of this interview was having a casual talk with a friend -

[Interview with male friend Part 1] NCT Taeyong “SM street casting and striving to become a “soobagsang”.

Q: Taeyong! Do you usually enjoy cooking? A: I used to cook a lot but I don’t do it frequently anymore since we switched dorms. Q: You suddenly went “euheuheu” (laughing) when you were cooking just now. A I was trying to break the awkward atmosphere. I was just making a toast so I wondered why everyone was staring at me (euheuheu) Q: Have you always been shy around strangers? A: I’m extremely shy. So even when people approach me to become friends, I can’t get close to them. I have a pretty strong image, so people don’t approach me easily either. Actually, to be honest, my emotions have a lot of ups and downs. One moment I’m non-stop chattering but when something comes to mind, I can suddenly just fall silent. Q: However, isn’t Taeyongi’s strong gaze his charming point? A: Sometimes, my gaze can be pretty scary. Not nowadays, but when I used to look in the mirror of the practice room I couldn’t even look at myself. My gaze was too strong. Q: Isn’t because your eyes are dazzling (laughs). You yourself know that you are handsome, right? A: It seems like most people are attracted to somebody who has an opposite face from themselves though. I don’t really like my face shape and my gaze is too scary. I even had staring contests with myself in the mirror to overcome that. I think a person’s thoughts reflect on a person’s eyes, so when I was a trainee, I thought “NCT will definitely debut” and had that strong/venomous gaze. But now, I get to be more relaxed and my gaze has become a lot softer.

Q: You are a typical “Watermelon face (soobagsang)”. You can have pride in that.. (t/n: it’s a slang made by netizens, it means “a face that would make Lee Sooman clap his hands”, but it can directly be translated to “watermelon face”. Taeyong doesn’t know this slang and mistakes it for “watermelon prize” instead of “watermelon face” since they are similarly pronounced.) A: Watermelon face/prize (soobagsang)? Q: A face/prize that would make SM’s Lee Sooman clap his hands. A: I didn’t know that word. I am a watermelon face/prize? But since you brought up teacher Lee Sooman, I suddenly thought of a story I remember. After the SMTOWN concert in Tokyo was over, we had a company dinner and I felt quite intimidated being around many artists. Teacher Lee Sooman said at that time “A-ah, it’s been hard on you right?”. As soon as I heard those words, I felt like a new bond was formed between us. I was so moved that I cried my eyes out in the SMTown Tokyo bathroom stalls. I felt like he had been watching me going through everything. But I’m not a watermelon face/prize yet. I will work harder so that teacher Lee Sooman can happily clap his hands for me. Q: Huh? “Watermelon face” actually refers to the unique visuals SM likes, but you added a new interpretation to the phrase. Let’s work hard so you can actually receive an applause! A: Ah, that’s what it means (laughs). I not only want him to clap for my outer appearance, I want him to clap for my inner growth too.

Q: How did you get into SM Entertainment? A: I entered through a street casting. Q: Have you dreamed of becoming a singer since you were a child? A: I was just someone who liked K-Pop, and I did not know exactly which artists belonged to which agency. Frankly, when I was casted on the street, I thought SM was one of the big three like KBS, SBS and MBC. Q: So you were like a blank paper. From what age did you start the trainee-life? A: From when I was 18 years old. Compared to the average age, I started a little late. Back then, I was in a blank state. Should I say I was detached from the usual life. My parents cared a lot for me because I’m the youngest. My sister and I have a seven years age difference.

Q: You must have been pampered since you are the youngest. Still, your parents allowed you to follow this path? A: My parents actively supported me. Even so, when I had to move in the dorms they asked me “can you not go?” but I later received a scolding from the dorm-manager for this. Q: So, living in the dorms was your first experience of being independent? A: Yes. As expected, I was also a little scared of the dorm life. But now, the dorms are more comfortable than my family house and the practice room is more familiar.

Q: Every time I see you on stage I realize that you are really good at dancing. How were your skills when you first started? A: I really wasn’t good. The hyung who taught me how to dance even told the company representative “I don’t think this kid can do it”. Q: I see it was rather your hard work than your natural talent. Did you ever receive casting offers from other agencies when you were a trainee? A: When I walked around Apgujeong I was asked if I was already with a company. Also, back then when Cyworld was still popular, I uploaded a picture and received a message that said “come join, I’m debuting a group”. It was scary (laughs). Q: What if you were never casted on the street and never became a singer? A: I would have felt sorry towards my parents because I didn’t really have anything else I knew how to do. When I became a trainee, they were very happy. If I did not follow this path, our household would not have become better. Every household has their difficulties. But everyone was happy when I became a singer.

[Interview with male friend Part 2] NCT Taeyong “Yunho sunbaenim monitored NCT while he was in the army”.

Q: It’s good to hear that you got happier when you became a dinger~ But, how did you become NCT’s leader while you were the youngest (at that time)? A: When I first entered the company, I was the youngest. I was streetcasted, so there wasn’t anyone who also started at the same time as me. However somehow, I became the sunbae. From then on, I started realizing things and that got me really fired/powered up. Q: What things do you realize? A: The realization that it won’t turn out well if I don’t work hard and that I should lead my hoobaes well. I was under a lot of pressure. Just to get recognition, I practiced so much till the ground was swaying. So, at first, I was really strict towards the hoobaes. It’s a memory I can confidently recall. Q: It seems like you are a strict leader. A: Yes. The NCT members may still resent me for it. Through NCT, I started my first experience as a leader. I would probably really hate it if I had a leader like myself. It’s something I also tell the members and then they make fun of me and say “Yes, that’s right” (laughs).

Q: Through NCT, you promote through various acts: NCT127, NCT DREAM and NCT U. Was it difficult to understand that system at first? A: I definitely understood the group system. However, not only me, the members have these concerns too. As a team.. you would want to stay as one. But, I don’t want to seem anxious in front of the members so I tell them “Let’s not mind the other teams. We are 127 and let’s just only look at our direction”. Q: That’s right. 127, DREAM and U, they are all NCT. It seems like you have a lot of burdens as a leader. A: There is a certain amount of burden. I always strive to build trust with my members. Of course, we are colleagues and teammates before I’m the leader so it would be nice if everyone can happily walk this path together.

Q: NCT is slightly different from the SM’s usual music style. A: It does have this new vibe to it since it’s from SM, right. In our team, there’s Mark and me who are rappers. There are still things we need to learn, but we’re working on trying to find a way to make the rap look more stylish and stand out. Q: What kind of content is there in your rap lyrics notebook? A: I wrote about a lot of stories from the past, but weirdly, the lyrics are very depressing. Nowadays I have changed the topic the stories of the present. Q: Are there any diss raps that would be difficult to release through NCT? A: Of course there are. I too, sometimes want to write strong rap lyrics. There are also profanities. It’s fun to write about this and that. No matter, NCT has members who are still minors so you will have to adjust the level of the lyrics. Q: In the future, I want to listen to a strong solo rap song by you~ The performances of your team are usually very strong too. Isn’t it tiring? A: When I perform on the stage, my body aches not the next day, but actually on that day. (ㅜㅜ) I can’t control my strength, that’s what could make my body hurt. Even when you dance, you should control yourself.

Q: Do you have an artist you want to resemble performance-wise? A: I really like Rain sunbaenim. I still look up his videos. In SM, I want to resemble the performances of DBSK’s sunbaenims. I heard they had a 2.5 hour rehearsal for a fanmeeting. There are many reasons to respect them. Q: I can imagine that you communicated with your sunbaes since you were a SMROOKIE. Are there any memorable events? A: Since SMROOKIES, DBSK Yunho sunbaenim has showed a lot of interest in us and gave us a lot of advice. Even when he was in the army, he monitored NCT. He really knows everything in detail. It’s really touching. Q: Of course! A reliable sunbae! A: Yes. He always takes care of us and teaches us earnestly. Also Super Junior Yesung hyung and Heechul hyung. Especially, Heechul hyung, I play games with him. He recently gave me a really great computer as a present. Q: So you can play better? A: Can I say it’s as a gaming computer? LED light comes out of the mouse and keyboard. It must have been very expensive so I really want to thank him for it Q: What games do you enjoy? A: Overwatch or LOL (League of Legends)… I play almost everything that is popular these days. Still, I play games that require teamwork. So it can also help in NCT’s teamwork (laughs). Q: You must be good at gaming. A: I can proudly say that I’m in the upper middle class.

[Interview with male friend Part 3] NCT Taeyong “I don’t even have one female friend, it’s not the time to be dating”

Q: You release stress through playing game! A: Yes. I release my stress by gaming or by tidying up. When I’m cleaning up, it also feels like my head is getting tidied. Living in dorms suits me pretty well. I’m normally the cleaner type of person. Q: I personally relieve my stress in the karaoke bar. Perhaps, do you not like the karaoke bar? A: I think it’s been like 5 years since I went to a karaoke bar. Q: What about alcohol? How much can you drink? A: Half glass of wine is enough for me to feel tipsy~~ I get drunk easily. Alcohol doesn’t suit me. Q: We’ve been listening to you the whole time now.. when will you date? A: Really, I have not had any dating experiences during my school days. The members even make fun of me for it. Q: Really? It is possible to have no interest in dating yet. However, I think you must have been famous around for being ‘shinlim-dong’s handsome guy’ during your school days. (t/n: shinlimdong was his neighborhood) A: That never happened. (laughs) I went to an all-boys school before I transferred to SOPA. At that time, I was not interested in the opposite sex, and rather felt more comfortable with the guys? Since I could fool around with them. Anyways, there’s no such thing as being ‘shinlim-dong’s handsome guy.’

Q: So you must be shy about your appearance! But still, isn’t your fashion style that of a handsome boy? A: I like the comfortable style. Actually, I just came out of the house wearing a t-shirt today. Q: What kind of style do you like recently? A: Recently, I really like the clothes the stylists make me wear. Q: But didn’t NCT have a controversy about outfits that are out of season? The clothes seemed hard to understand. A: Honestly, it’s hard for me to say that the clothes were not hard to understand. But, NCT stands for ‘Neo Culture Technology’ and also holds the meaning of being in the forefront of trends. Unique costumes show our identity. Q: So confidence is what completes the fashion? A: Yes. Maybe the controversy came up because we have not been able to pull off the clothes perfectly yet. Even though we try to act naturally, we are rookies so it can’t be helped that we must have looked awkward. But I think we are slowly getting better at it. Rather, we were able to challenge ourselves because we are rookies. Me and the members are trying to gain interest in fashion itself, too. Q: You have started to open your eyes to fashion! A: Is that so? I suppose confidence is what completes the fashion.

Q: Let’s talk about 'shinlim-dong’s handsome guy’ again. If you are not interested in the opposite sex, it seems like you don’t have any female friends. A: Someone I can introduce you to as female friend.. I don’t think I have any. Q: So then, what’s your ideal type? A: As for an ideal type, since I don’t have any experience it would be nice if the other one could lead me. People are usually attracted to the opposite style. Contrary to my outer appearance, I’m soft on the inside. So I like somebody who’s a bit more on the strong side. Q: Is there a dating ban? A: The contract didn’t have that. In the 20s, it’s natural to think about dating… but I think dating is not something I should be doing now, I think that’s a given. Now is not the time to date. Q: Your determination is amazing~ As NCT’s A, the goal you want to achieve must be firm. A: Yes… they tell you to dream big right? I want to receive a daesang. We received the rookies award in 2016, but with the heart of receiving a daesang we will work so much harder. We want to become idols who receive recognition and are loved by many people.

Translation: Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Sports Donga [1], [2], [3]

Please take out with full credit!

#nct #taeyong #t:interview #t:trans #171107

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thenicedolphin · 6 years

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Oscars Analysis With Biting Commentary: 2019 Edition!

We are BACK, with the 7th annual Oscars post from The Nice Dolphin (see links here for 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), where Matt provides insightful, quality analysis while Alex texts some thoughts from his iPhone about how Lego Movie 2 was robbed of a nomination even though it’s not even eligible this year. As always, Matt is in regular font, and Alex comes in with the BOLD.

You know what? Lego Movie 2 WAS robbed this year! Just like how Lego Movie should’ve been nominated for Best Picture in 2015 and didn’t even get nominated to be in the ghetto of Best Animated Feature. Horseshit. We haven’t even gotten to the first category and I’m already PISSED.

Best Picture: “Black Panther” “BlacKkKlansman” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “The Favourite” “Green Book” “Roma” “A Star Is Born” “Vice”

I’ll start by noting this wasn’t my favorite years for Oscar nominees. The top picks aren’t as good as Get Out or Lady Bird (or Phantom Thread) from last year. Or Moonlight and La La Land the year before. But there are a few great films in here, along with some mediocre picks.

Nice try sneaking La La Land in there -- should’ve at least gone with Argo. I do agree that it’s a weak year. Lady Bird would’ve jobbed out almost all the other movies this year, and it was like the third best movie from last year (behind Get Out and Phantom Thread). Honestly, just go back and read last year’s post.

I’d go to bat for Roma for sure. It’s a great film. It certainly is a masterpiece of visuals and a writer/director getting to tell his personal story. It certainly felt like a movie event to watch it in theaters.

Certainly.

The sound was really creative (surround sound to make the neighborhood and events feel alive). The visuals were beautiful and poignant, as one would expect with Cuaron. He really put all his effort in telling this story, paying homage to his childhood and to the live-in maid who so strongly influenced his upbringing.

Roma starts slow, but it builds, and I became enraptured with it during the second half. Some of the sequences are intense and well worth the previous groundwork. There’s a 10-15 minute sequence (just an estimate) that left me shook and in awe at the filmmaking (the scene starting at the furniture store). Another scene gave such emotional catharsis and helped close the movie really well. Roma also has some fun tangents and moments (I think of everything around New Year’s Eve) that some may find meandering. I dug them.

While Roma was a technical masterpiece, I’m still not sold on it as a story. Literally nothing happens for the first 100 minutes then we get some things that are completely unnerving, including one image that does not feel entirely earned, to put it mildly.

TASTELESS SPOILER ALERT

Cuaron is like “yeah, let’s focus on some dog shit for two hours. Enjoying that? Well, here look at this dead baby for like 15 minutes straight.” Dude was on screen for EONS. Thought he was gunning for a best supporting nom.

SPOILERS OVER

Roma is definitely a loving portrait of Cleo, a personal ode to the women who raised Cuaron, and an astute look into the intersection of economic class and gender in 1970s Mexico, but I can’t tell if those well-made pieces combine to make a truly great movie.

Otherwise, I’m not sure how much I’d want to rewatch this film or revisit it in entirety, but I really admired it and thought it was great. It is the frontrunner, and it would deserve Best Picture.

I’m a little worried that because of its Netflix standing and that weirdness. For example, AMC and Regal didn’t include Roma in their best picture marathons/showcases because it didn’t meet the distribution requirement for those theaters. Does that affect voters too? It seemed to with a few previous prestige Netflix films, but things do seem different now. So let’s talk about the next upset contender right now: Green Book.

Green Book is an interesting movie to me. It’s fairly polarizing because of the way it treats racial issues and the friendship between Viggo Mortensen’s white Italian character (Tony Lip) and Mahershala Ali’s black character (Don Shirley). You may have seen some of the controversies, such as how Shirley’s family wasn’t consulted on the film and disputes some of the representations of Shirley’s relationship with his family (deserving of criticism in my opinion). There has been criticism of director Peter Farrelly’s past on-set antics, or co-writer (son of Tony Lip) Nick Vallelonga’s tweet history (less of an issue to me to criticize the film, but still, not great, Bob).

First and foremost, FOCK this movie. Tony Lip is racist as hell! Like REALLY racist. You can tell it was written by his son, because the movie treats Tony like he’s the perfect man who was just a touch unexposed to other cultures. He never really learned or grew, especially with the whole “You’re not even black!” rant at the end. He just goes from being super racist to not(?) racist because he’s getting paid to hang out with Dr. Shirley for a few weeks.

Green Book has two great leading performances and some wonderful friendship moments. It has some funny Italian moments (is this racist?), and it has some great moments of strength by Don Shirley in rougher times racially. But man… I just can’t get over some of the key aspects of the film.

The film really leans into the dynamic of hey, you’re black, I’m white, we’re different, but hey, we’re not so different! It feels antiquated, and this year, other films handled race relations better while being better stories overall (examples include Sorry to Bother You, Blindspotting, and If Beale Street Could Talk). Green Book’s lack of nuance reminds me of Crash and Driving Miss Daisy. Hell, the movie is called Green Book, and they barely mention it! They should have just called it something else.

I get that little Nicky V. wanted to make a film about what a big man his daddy was, but it really only should’ve been loosely based on the Lip-Shirley friendship, and it could’ve avoided all the embarrassing fallout about Shirley not actually being estranged from the family/culture.

The flipside of this is whether or not Green Book is an entertaining, good movie. And in some ways it is. The friendship is fun. The banter is entertaining. I really liked Wesley Morris’ analysis of this on a podcast with Bill Simmons, who discussed how, when you take aside race and the message, the friendship is well-portrayed and some of the editing and scenes work well.

The first 30 minutes of this movie is some of the worst stuff ever recorded. Not even in terms of movies, but like, anything. It’s just Tony and his family being super racist, him entering into a hot dog eating contest (lmao what) and hacky banter between Tony and Dr. Shirley. Tony having to explain the concept of fried chicken to Dr. Shirley was a low point in a year that featured the existence of 15:17 to Paris. LOOK AT THE BABY CHICKEN LEG SPENCER

But Green Book is trying to talk about race. It’s what the film emphasizes and it’s what the creators of the film emphasized during their awards run. And if you handle that clumsily, it’s hard for me to separate that from my enjoyment of the film. I don’t need to see more stories about white guys thinking black people are deplorable, and then well, you meet a black guy, and he isn’t so bad! That’s not a great story! Ultimately, Green Book is a solid film with some troublesome messaging that weighs it down. And the film isn’t so amazing story/acting wise to overcome those issues. It’s just kinda… vanilla.

I’ll speak more on the leads in later sections, but if it wasn’t for Mahershala Ali’s deeply nuanced portrayal of Don Shirley, this movie would be completely irredeemable. Fortunately, he’s actually given a character with some agency, but everything about him is all done in service of the white man’s story about his “growth” as a person, which is really just him learning to be less of an asshole -- not exactly a hero turn!

Also, how many fucking times did they need to cut back to Tony shrugging in the Orange Bird? Geez, we get it already.

One more point to rant on: the fact that Tony’s son co-wrote the screenplay, and then Don Shirley’s family came out strongly against some of the story points REALLY rubs me the wrong way. Let’s put it this way: if a friend of mine did a story about his friendship with me, emphasizing inaccurately that I didn’t know how to eat Korean BBQ and had initially thought the idea of it was gross, and that I was estranged from my family but considered him and his family to be my family instead??? Dawg… I would haunt you from my grave for that shit.

/quietly deletes “The Nice Dolphin” screenplay

A Star is Born seemed like a heavy contender when it came out. It crushed the box office, critics and audience members seemed to love it, but it seems to have cooled off bigtime v. Roma and Green Book (really??? Green Book???). Well, I loved it, so let me sing its praises.

A Star is Born was good, but not that good. A hugely entertaining first hour followed by some terribly-paced sequences and a weirdly undefined Jack Maine (I didn’t realize how he spelled his name until that concert poster at the end) combine for an enjoyable, but uneven film.

Star is Born coulda gone poorly. Cooper trying to direct/sing/play music, Gaga trying to act, original soundtrack, and remaking an old story. Well, it works. The music is on point, the two lead acting performances are strong. There are some magical moments in this film… the scenes where they meet and flirt, where they write music together, when they perform Shallow… it’s so good! The film is good throughout, and the ending packs a wallop. I really like Star is Born, and I hope it can get more love than its likely Best Song win.

I will admit, I knew the ending before I saw it, so some of the impact was lessened and it also basically ruined that scene with Jack and his counselor. Also it was really late at night and I was pretty cranky, so by the third or fourth scene of her lumbering around the dance studio, I was ready to call it.

Still, Gaga and Cooper have great chemistry, which made the early scenes pop. However, the movie seemed like it didn’t really know what to make of Jack. Was he truly a troubled poet, or just a raging asshole using his art as an excuse for being an awful person? Was he a big country star selling out amphitheaters or a washed up, piss-soaked loser? What the movie was trying to claim as nuance really just came off as equivocation.

I am pleasantly surprised that The Favourite got as much Oscar buzz as it did. Alex can elaborate, but Yorgos is definitely a more out there director, and The Favourite seems to work really well as a pivot for him. It’s a little more mainstream, but not completely. It’s not a sell-out. This movie is still probably too weird and rated R for some people.

As a true Yorgite, I am THRILLED that my man is getting more mainstream love. The Favourite and Black Panther are my two favorite Best Picture nominees this year, despite them basically having no shot at winning.

Even going a bit “mainstream” here (this is the most natural-sounding dialogue in the Yorgos filmography), Yorgos sacrifices nothing about his unique, vicious style. This movie is as nasty, biting, and hilarious as anything else he’s done, and the entire cast (especially the three leads) delivers.

I really liked it. The performances were great, the story was really fun (Mean Girls but in a royal setting, or All About Eve, which I haven’t seen), the camerawork was interesting. I like how unconventional it was in some ways, like the ending just sorta sneaking up on me.

I saw this in a packed theater and I could definitely tell it was a lot of older couples who thought they were in for something along the lines of “The Crown” or “Downton Abbey,” and not heavy lesbian erotica. Also, despite what he says, I don’t consider Matt a true Yorgite, so it’s no surprise he wasn’t ready for that ending. My first thought when them bunnies hit the screen? “Yorgos, you’ve done it again!” A true masterpiece.

People are worked up about Black Panther getting a nomination, and I’m like… have you seen Bohemian Rhapsody or Vice? And you’re mad about Black Panther?

People being mad about the Black Panther getting nominated and Green Book getting legit Best Picture love? If only there was some common thread here...

First, I’ve definitely had friends surprised because for them, Infinity War was better… but I mean, they’re big Marvel fans so IW was a bigger deal to them storywise. Meanwhile, a lot of friends also told me how amazing Black Panther was, how it was their favorite Marvel movie, how it was so much more than a superhero movie, etc. Critics gave it strong reviews deservingly in my opinion, and it crushed the box office because it resonated with a lot of people. Just because it’s not as critically good as Roma and it’s a superhero movie doesn’t mean that it’s only in because it’s about race or that it doesn’t deserve it.

Black Panther absolutely deserved the nomination. Despite Avengers: Infinity War being a more crucial story to the MCU, Black Panther was a better, more cohesive film. IW was basically one long chase/fight scene, which I loved, but it can’t really stand on its own.

Black Panther built an entire world, populated it with fascinating characters with complex motivations, and had some badass action scenes all within the span of like two hours.

Also, come on guys. This is the same show that’s given nominations to… Bohemian Rhapsody. And Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (did anyone actually see that?). The Post, American Sniper, Philomena (does anyone remember that?)... I mean, does a movie only deserve to be nominated because it was about an Oscar-type of topic? I say nominate more of these blockbuster movies (IF they are good). Why did Mission Impossible and Crazy Rich Asians and Game Night not get nominated when Bohemian Rhapsody did? They were better reviewed.

First of all, I take umbrage to you including American Sniper with that trash. Also, Game Night didn’t get nominated because it wasn’t that good (it’s still better than Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody, but you get it). Crazy Rich Asians and Mission Impossible were both fantastic. Actually, here is an incomplete list of movies that are better than Bohemian Rhapsody and Green Book that came out this year, but didn’t get much, if any, Oscar love:

Annihilation Bad Times at the El Royale Crazy Rich Asians Deadpool 2 The Equalizer 2 (didn’t actually see this, but it’s got Denzel) First Reformed Halloween Lego Movie (still) Mission Impossible: Fallout A Quiet Place Searching Sorry to Bother You Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse (got some love, deserved more) Widows

Honestly Teen Titans Go! To The Movies and Venom were better than that trash too.

Anyway, Black Panther rules. It’s got an awesome cast of characters, it represents culture well, Coogler crushes the direction, the story is fun, and the villain is super compelling. People loved the ending scenes of Black Panther. This movie is worthy. Also shoutout to that last scene between Boseman and Jordan. Seriously, so good. Honestly, Black Panther had at least 4 scenes that were just as dramatic AND better-done than BR.

That sounds impressive until you realize that BR had zero well-done scenes. Seriously, every time I think about that movie I hate it more. It’s the opposite of Phantom Thread. It’s the Terrestrial Thread.

Bohemian Rhapsody is probably one of the worst movies to be nominated for Best Picture in recent years. Look, if you like the movie and find it entertaining, that’s totally fine! Just don’t tell me Black Panther didn’t deserve it when it’s better in every technical aspect.

The editing is bad. The story of the movie is a censored version crafted by the living band members of Queen to paint them in the best light. Freddie Mercury is portrayed like more of an immature punk than he deserves, and the other band members seem like the grown-ups. The dramatic scenes are not very good. It’s just fine. The acting is solid. The movie is fun when the band is playing music or making music. But it really drags at parts. A solid B- crowdpleaser. NOT an Oscar movie.

The only time this movie is entertaining is when Queen is playing/making music. Just save yourself the trouble and watch some old concert DVD or whatever. Every “based on a true story” movie is going to take some liberties with the facts, but this is the first movie I can recall that makes the true story MORE boring. This is literally the exact same movie as Straight Outta Compton, except that one was better -- and didn’t even get nominated! Straight Outta Compton is the Lego Movie of musical biopics.

BlacKkKlansman was a powerful movie, though I’ll say it isn’t peak Spike Lee for me. It is really good in moments, and it’s also weaker in stretches. Basically, whenever the main character is infiltrating the KKK or working with his partner, the movie works. The scenes about the civil rights movements are really good, especially a scene where Kwame Ture gives a speech. The movie is slower when it tries to delve into Ron Stallworth’s personal life and romance. The movie is probably 15-20 minutes too long, which would be my main critique. And the ending is a bit polarizing (it worked for me, but I can see the argument against it).

15-20 minutes too long? Sounds like peak Spike to me. Hey-ooooooooooooo!

I really dug BlacKkKlansman, but man the capitalization of the title is infuriating. I agree that it’s a bit scattered (and not in a way that actually serves the story), but overall, I think Spike put together a film that is entertaining, exciting, and sadly all-too-relevant in today’s world. The scenes from recent news at the end might’ve come off a bit clunky to some, but it really brought the message home that in some ways the movie might’ve had a “happy” ending, but in no way is the big picture a positive one.

Vice. Man. I was really looking forward to this one and I was disappointed. It felt like Adam McKay took all his tools from The Big Short and used them to excess. The Big Short was crisp and covered one specific story. Vice tries to cover a lot of years of Cheney’s life without much cohesion. I wish the movie had focused more on the VP years, which were the best parts of the movie and far too short. The Big Short’s narrator was a main character who explained a lot of complicated concepts that related to his character. Vice tried to have a random character with tons of narration, and it was all over the place without really having a reason for being in the movie. McKay also tries a few other ambitious things that don’t work as well when your movie isn’t strong. Basically, the riskier decisions stuck out more poorly. I wanted to dig this movie, but it just wasn’t very well-made, and I’m underwhelmed by its nominations.

I didn’t get around to Vice, but there’s something comforting about knowing that I’ll never see all of the Best Picture nominees. Not that I’ve ever let that stop me from providing commentary before. Besides, after Matt’s SCATHING review, I probably made the right call.

An interesting theme that pervades several of the Best Pic noms this year is the movies being directly at odds with their “true stories” in ways that actively hurt the movies. Green Book, Bohemian Rhapsody, and BlacKkKlansman all suffer from this. Maybe Vice too? Who knows.

Generally, I try to separate the movie from the real events it’s based on. Real life is rarely as entertaining as a Hollywood flick, so I totally get why Die Hard didn’t have a third act of Carl Winslow filling out paperwork. HAVING SAID THAT when the true tale gets twisted into something totally unrecognizable, is it fair to criticize the movie for that? Green Book completely mutated the character of Dr. Don Shirley to fit a narrative of friendship triumphing over racism; Bohemian Rhapsody mischaracterized the relationship between Freddie Mercury and his bandmates to create a non-existent redemption/comeback arc; BlacKkKlansman ignored all the ways Ron Stallworth sabotaged the pro-Black movement in Colorado in service of painting police as the true heroes of equality.

I don’t have all the answers here, but these three examples feel like particularly egregious warpings of reality. However, I want to use this opportunity to praise YORGOS, who took enough from history to give The Favourite some context, but was up front about his editorialization enough to where the historical inaccuracies didn’t matter, and it didn’t feel like watching some ol boolshit.

I wish First Man and If Beale Street Could Talk had gotten in over Vice and Bohemian, or in addition to (since the nominations can go up to 10). Hell, if you had just added these two to make it 10, this crop would look stronger. The follow-ups for the directors of La La Land and Moonlight, neither film was as strong as the previous outings, but both were quality art. First Man sometimes had less impressive action with its use of shaky cam in the cockpit (which made the theater experience dizzying at times), and it mostly lost the mainstream audience because it was less adventurous than movies like The Martian or Interstellar. It also chose to try to portray Armstrong as an ordinary, less romantic type of hero, which may have been to its detriment for entertainment purposes. But I really liked the story of Neil Armstrong and NASA, warts and all. It felt more authentic and well-acted compared to, oh, I dunno, BR. And the moon landing scenes were breathtaking.

Beale Street struggled for me with its back-and-forth narrative, and some characters who I wish had more to do but some of the scenes were so good, and the art of it was beautiful. I also wish foreign films like Cold War and Shoplifters could get some Best Picture love too, but I’ll talk more about them below.

Cinematography: “Cold War,” Lukasz Zal “The Favourite,” Robbie Ryan “Never Look Away,” Caleb Deschanel “Roma,” Alfonso Cuarón “A Star Is Born,” Matthew Libatique

(edit: We put these categories here as a little TND protest for when the Oscars weren’t gonna air them on the regular telecast. But we’ll leave them here still, because these categories rule.)

The presumed favorite appears to be Roma, with Cold War as a potential dark horse. After Cuarón’s go-to cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki (three-time consecutive Oscar winner at one point, including for Cuarón’s Gravity) left, he pulled a Thanos and decided to do it himself. Roma’s photography has all the marks of a Lubezki/Cuarón joint. He did well. Some of the shots may be a bit much (as one friend asked, why so many dog poop shots?). But the tracking shots are glorious and usually worked well for art. Following the lizard around on a random day, Cleo running along the street, the shot of the men training, the forest on New Year’s Eve… and of course, the aforementioned furniture store and beach sequences.

I didn’t see Cold War, but it’s fine because Roma will win. Roma does look great, but damn can Cuaron get another trick besides panning ten feet in either direction after the natural conclusion of a scene? Seriously, he does it like every twenty minutes. I guess this is world building? “You see, here’s what’s happening to our characters. And there’s also more stuff happening...slightly to the left.”

I was very curious about Cold War after it got a best director nomination as well. The cinematography was beautiful too. And it also deals in black-and-white like Roma, and with different camera framing (I’m not technical enough to explain that). It had some great shots too, in particular a shot with a mirror that really impressed me. Of note, Cold War beat Roma in the American Society of Cinematographer Awards.

A Star is Born had some good camerawork and cool concert shots.

Great camera framing when the guy pisses himself. You really *feel* the piss.

The Favourite was worthy of a nomination too, using some unique camera angles and fisheye lens shots that could have been distracting but ended up working really well for the movie. I have not seen Never Look Away, but the trailer looked good.

Those long hallway shots in The Favourite were superb. Robbie Ryan is a true Yorgite.

Film Editing: “BlacKkKlansman,” Barry Alexander Brown “Bohemian Rhapsody,” John Ottman “Green Book,” Patrick J. Don Vito “The Favourite,” Yorgos Mavropsaridis “Vice,” Hank Corwin

LOL Bohemian Rhapsody. See the aforementioned link about the bad editing in it. I mean, I guess the montage while they recorded the title track was really fun, but cmon! I also had a lot of fun during some scenes of Venom, and I didn’t see that get a bunch of noms!

Well maybe it should have! Matt made me watch that clip of the first record exec convo from Bohemian Rhapsody, and it’s so bad it wasn’t until like my third viewing when I realized Matt was trying to point out how poorly edited it was. Seriously, I couldn’t even get past the dialogue: “Queen...is for losers” “Well I’m sold!”

Vice seems to be a favorite on Gold Derby. The movie was too all over the place for me, and I guess it would win for the most editing, because there are all sorts of jumping around and montages and random things the film does. Bohemian is the next favorite, so I don’t really care for this year’s winner. Maybe this year it SHOULD be on commercial break. Jk.

I didn’t see Vice, but I agree with Matt that more editing definitely doesn’t equal better editing. I think Billy Walsh would agree that sometimes it’s about the cuts you DON’T make.

I would vote for The Favourite. It’s crisp and efficient. Green Book’s editing is probably a strong suit too, admittedly. BlacKkKlansman could have been shortened some, but the editing during some of the back-and-forths (I think of the KKK meeting versus the black students’ meeting at the end) was really good.

I agree* that all three of these films were well-edited. It’s a shame that apparently they have no chance at actually winning this award.

*I think I’ve already set a record for most times agreeing with Matt in an Oscars post. We’re like one of those old married couples that gradually turn into the same person over the years. Sure it might make for a boring post, but at least we’re RIGHT.

Director: Spike Lee, “BlacKkKlansman” Pawel Pawlikowski, “Cold War” Yorgos Lanthimos, “The Favourite” Alfonso Cuarón, “Roma” Adam McKay, “Vice”

Cuarón is the presumptive favorite, and he would be very worthy. He shepherded this project to fruition, he told the story he wanted to tell, and he kicked ass. I’ve heard Spike Lee is a possible surprise here, but I’d rather see him get the Screenplay win. As mentioned, BK is not his strongest work for me, and doesn’t quite compare to Do the Right Thing.

Finally Matt says something stupid! Okay because BlacKkKlansman wasn’t as good as one of the greatest films of all time, Spike doesn’t deserve a win here? I’m not even saying he should win, but if he doesn’t, it’s not because he made a better movie in 1989.

Cuaron will probably take home the gold, and it’s well-deserved, as he really put his signature style on every aspect of Roma. It’s obviously an extremely personal project for him, but he never lets it dip too far into “diary” territory, and ultimately allows the audience inside of his perspective instead of forcing us to observe from a distance.

It’s dope that Pawlikowski got nominated sorta out of left field. He really crafted an interesting, powerful story, and it was creative and unique. Yorgos deserves props for his nomination, managing to combine his style with someone else’s script (first time using a script that wasn’t his!). I’m glad Peter Farrelly didn’t get the nod here, but I wish Cooper had gotten it in over McKay. Vice is not that impressive, but I really dug some of the decisions made in Star.

This might come as a surprise, but I’m quite happy Yorgos got nominated and would love for him to get the upset victory over dog dookie Cuaron. Shoutout to both guys for being able to direct the hell out of some nudity though.

Lead Actor: Christian Bale, “Vice” Bradley Cooper, “A Star Is Born” Willem Dafoe, “At Eternity’s Gate” Rami Malek, “Bohemian Rhapsody” Viggo Mortensen, “Green Book”

My Cooper support continues! I hope he wins, and it sounds like some people want him to be a surprise upset here. I thought he really built this role up and nailed it. This could have gone poorly. He could have sounded like Russell Crowe in Les Mis, his voice could have been weird, and he might not have been so likable on screen. But he was! He really became Jackson Maine and crafted this interesting, romantic, tragic character. I thought he was terrific.

*big sigh*

I agree with Matt again. Cooper was fantastic in playing a could-have-been-thankless role of a guy who does terrible thing after terrible thing, but still needs the audience on his side at the end. His singing was more than serviceable in the movie, as it was mostly done in live concert scenes where him being a little ragged fit the character/moment. Just uhh, don’t pull that shit up on Spotify.

Rami Malek is the frontrunner here, which surprises me. Again, I don’t like the movie, but I also like Malek. But Malek has impressed me much more in projects like Mr. Robot and The Pacific. Here, I feel like he is doing a solid impersonation, but he’s not blowing me away like DDL in Lincoln. I feel like he was also limited by the weak script/story. I wish he had had more powerhouse scenes and dialogue, but he just didn’t.

Oh he didn’t blow you like DDL in Lincoln? That might’ve been the greatest biopic performance of all time. “Malek was good, but his acting wasn’t as good as Spike Lee’s directing in the 80s.”

Not to defend Malek, dude is just up there doin a little bucky beaver impression -- and I like Malek! Shit was limp and lame. IAWM (I agree with Matt) in that the rest of the movie was so bad, Malek was never afforded the opportunity to rise above being a Halloween costume. Still, he did next to nothing, even with scant material.

Bale obviously made an impressive transformation in weight/look for Vice, and I always am a fan. He was pretty good here, and I’d be fine with a win, but it wasn’t his best work.

Viggo was good, but part of the problem of the movie is the fact that Viggo was the lead instead of Mahershala, as the film would have benefited more from being through the lens of Shirley’s view, and not Tony Lip’s.

Yeah, it pisses me off that Viggo (lol never realized how funny of a name that is until I just typed it) is even in this category. Sure he did a fine job playing a racist guy...maybe a little too fine of a job? I’m surprised Liam Neeson wasn’t clamoring for the role of Tony Lip, so he could do a little method acting.

As for Dafoe… I don’t know anyone who saw this film, and I wasn’t hyped enough to go see it. Hell, the idea of a 60+ year old playing a guy who died at 37 was enough to not get me hyped, even if the makers tried to say he would have looked like Van Gogh because of the circumstances of the times.

I obviously didn’t see this movie, but wow that is a hell of a paragraph. Are most people hyped by an old man playing a younger man? Actually, I heard that the producers were worried that Dafoe didn’t look old ENOUGH and were going to CGI in Christopher Plummer. Still though, “circumstances of the times?” I know 2019 seems awful, but this is a helpful reminder that the world use to be a literal hellscape.

I would have liked to see Ethan Hawke here for First Reformed. He carried the movie, he was awesome in it, and it was definitely unlike the normal Hawke performance I’ve seen before.

Matt, put a backhanded compliment warning there, sheesh. Hawke was fantastic in First Reformed and absolutely deserved a nomination ahead of Viggo, Malek, Fat Bale, and Benjamin Button-ass Dafoe.

Gosling here would have been good too. Also would have been cool to see an indie lead, whether Lakeith Stanfield in Sorry to Bother You or John Cho in Searching.

Stanfield and Cho crushed it in their respective roles. Funny story, Cho initially passed on Searching, but the filmmakers basically stole his phone number and hounded him until he agreed to do on the condition that they leave his ass alone afterwards.

Lead Actress: Yalitza Aparicio, “Roma” Glenn Close, “The Wife” Olivia Colman, “The Favourite” Lady Gaga, “A Star Is Born” Melissa McCarthy, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?”

Glenn Close is supposed to win. It’s apparently a lock. This definitely feels like another career honor, since this is her 7th nomination and she hasn’t won. Close is pretty good. The movie is OK and she has a delicate, graceful, but powerful performance here. I mainly just feel like it was the least memorable role here.

I didn’t see The Wife, but for some reason I’ve got love for Glenn, so I’m happy she’s getting a win.

Colman wasn’t necessarily the lead of the film, and it was really a three-headed monster (apparently Stone’s character has the most screentime), but she was awesome. She nailed this crazy, sad, bigtime character. I’d pull for her, and I think she has a small chance.

Colman might’ve had less screen time than Stone, but as the raunchy queen, she commands the audience’s attention much like she commands love from Stone and Weisz. Everything is in service of the queen and Colman puts every ounce of emotion and feeling into a role tightly balanced between needing fealty and needing love.

Gaga was a contender for a while, and I really liked her and was impressed with her rising to the occasion and taking on this lead role, weaving in her real life story with this fictional character. I think she didn’t always quite hit the acting level of Cooper, but she was close.

Gaga was good for a rookie, but cmon. She basically had like two expressions the entire movie (dumbstruck and covering half her face/sad and covering half her face).

I was really into McCarthy’s performance and thought this was a legit good indie film. Small story, really focusing on her character, and she carries it well! The Wife and this are smaller indie stories, but I was more wowed by McCarthy. She handles a sad sack of a character, self-loathing, mischievous, witty. I think she’s a great actress who sometimes ends up in unfortunate movies. This was a good one.

Shockingly I didn’t see Can You Ever Forgive Me?, but I’m glad McCarthy is getting love. She’s a great actress, but always finds herself in shitty movies.

I’m so glad Yalitza Aparicio got a nomination! She wasn’t quite as strong to me as Colman or McCarthy, but she has to be good for the film to be good, of course, and she is. I think the technical aspects of the movie outshine her performance in some ways, but she deserves merit.

Yalitza’s gotta be straight up laughing at all the love for Lady Gaga. Another first time actress, she actually does a great job in the film instead of just getting points because she has hit single songs. The range of emotions on her face when confronted by the nude ninja alone made her worthy of a nomination.

Who else would I have wanted? Maybe Joanna Kulig for Cold War. She’s a star, and she dances/sings/acts in terrific fashion. Also shoutout to Natalie Portman for Annihilation and Elsie Fisher in Eighth Grade. No one’s gonna remember The Wife in 5 years, but Eighth Grade will stand the test of time.

Supporting Actor: Mahershala Ali, “Green Book” Adam Driver, “BlacKkKlansman” Sam Elliott, “A Star Is Born” Richard E. Grant, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” Sam Rockwell, “Vice”

Mahershala is expected to win, and he’s really good as Don Shirley, so I’m cool with it. He is such a magnetic actor, and he carries Shirley well. It’s a pretty different type of character from Juan in Moonlight. Juan’s performance leaned in on charisma, masculinity, and tenderness. Shirley is a character reliant on dignity, sophistication, and inner rage. He nails both. He’s really good. For all the faults I have with the making of Green Book, I do really like Mahershala here. It’s pretty wild that he’s about to get his second Oscar, but hey, good for him!

You mean an actor played two different roles? Wauw.

Mahershala completely carried Green Book and filled Don Shirley with so much nuance, complexity, and integrity that he himself should’ve gotten nominated for Best Picture. He IS the movie. It’s such a shame his character was relegated to the supporting role because there’s so much awesome internal logic to Dr. Shirley that he’s fascinating to watch and Ali does a great job of bringing all of that to the forefront without having to resort to speechifying his thoughts or emotions.

I really like Driver and always like his work. He’s a unique, compelling actor in whatever role he’s in. He has more to do in BK than John David Washington’s main character, and he’s not weighed down by the romance story. There’s something really convincing in any role Driver portrays, whether it’s Kylo Ren, Adam in Girls, or his performance in Silence. I thought his performance was pretty key to the BK story.

Driver definitely brings a fun presence to BlacKkKlansman helping to achieve the delicate tonal balance Spike was looking for. I mean, not as good as the tonal balance JGL brought to Lincoln, but I digress.

Grant was really wonderful and charming, and he really carries the movie along with McCarthy. Elliott doesn’t have a ton of scenes in A Star is Born, but each scene of his was a highlight for me. His relationship with Cooper is key to the film, and I really dug it. I don’t really see why Rockwell had to get a nom here. He’s not too essential to the film, and he does a good W impersonation, but this just pales in comparison to his role last year in Three Billboards.

Ha I only skimmed that last paragraph and just furiously googled “Sam Elliott Three Billboards” because I was confused as fock. Yeah that last conversation between Cooper and Elliott was fantastic, and Elliott is great throughout as the older brother who never got quite as much ass as Jackson Maine.

We couldn’t have thrown a nod here to Michael B. Jordan instead, for his compelling (albeit polarizing) acting job in Black Panther? I also loved Brian Tyree Henry’s character in If Beale Street Could Talk. Similar short screentime to Rockwell, but way more impactful and memorable. Henry’s scenes in Beale Street are some of the best work you’ll see from last year.

Was that acting job really polarizing? We have a term for people who have negative things to say about Black Panther. They’re called...Vallelongas. Brian Tyree Henry is one of my favorite actors, so I have no doubt that he was great in Beale Street. I do want to shout him and Daniel Kaluuya out for their performances in Widows. For a story about four strong women coming together to wreck some shit, Henry and Kaluuya stole the show. And my heart.

Also want to shout out my man Beast! Not saying he should win, but his scene to hilarity ratio in The Favourite was easily 1:1. Everything in The Favourite popped, but his presence made it even poppier.

Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, “Vice” Marina de Tavira, “Roma” Regina King, “If Beale Street Could Talk” Emma Stone, “The Favourite” Rachel Weisz, “The Favourite”

I really like Regina King, and she’s pretty good in Beale Street, but I’m sorta surprised that she became the consensus pick. She doesn’t quite have as memorable a performance for me as Mahershala’s or say, Brian Tyree Henry in the same film. She’s a great actress, but there’s not a ton for her to do, and I didn’t leave that film being like WOW, that character!

Stone and Weisz seem to negate each other, unfortunately. They are both terrific. I didn’t love Stone in La La Land but she’s really fun and vicious here. Weisz is great too and has a lot of fun. I would probably give the edge to Weisz, but I’d strongly praise either performance.

Weisz was amazing as Sarah Churchill. She is definitely the centerpiece of the film, and does a wonderful job providing an axis for all the wild shit that goes down. What really elevates her performance is that she doesn’t fall into the trap of merely being the straight woman (no pun intended, seriously), and still imbues her character with loads of cunning, fire, and personality.

Stone was great as well, and I’ll say I didn’t enjoy her in La La Land either, but that’s mostly because I was watching La La Land at the time.

Amy Adams is awesome in general and good in Vice. Marina de Tavira is really good in Roma, and her nomination was a nice surprise too. Her character as the mother is really pivotal to the story, and I thought she was good at being overall likable even while sometimes being harsh.

De Tavira gives a great performance in a role that would’ve been easy to gloss over if played by another actress. She never allowed herself to become a background character or only appear as Cleo’s boss. Her story is just as dynamic and heart-rending as Cleo’s, and with less attention given to it, only a great performance would give it the weight it needed and de Tavira absolutely delivered.

Original Screenplay: “The Favourite,” Deborah Davis, Tony McNamara “First Reformed,” Paul Schrader “Green Book,” Nick Vallelonga, Brian Currie, Peter Farrelly “Roma,” Alfonso Cuarón “Vice,” Adam McKay

The Favourite seems to be… the favourite for this category.

Nice.

It’s a fun, witty script based on historical events (and it seemed to do a decent enough job being similar enough to real life!). Updating a story for the modern times in film format is no easy feat, and I really enjoyed this story.

Like I mentioned earlier, The Favourite does a great job of drawing just enough historical context while still keeping things fresh and honest, without making the story feel bastardized.

This is Paul Schrader’s first nomination, which is pretty crazy when he’s had films like Taxi Driver and Raging Bull. First Reformed has a unique, fascinating, compelling premise and story arc. It does remind me a good bit of Taxi Driver in some ways but is its own story too.

Really happy First Reformed got a little love. In a time when we’re getting nothing but remakes and sequels, a truly original story is always welcome.

I don’t want Green Book to win. As mentioned, this shit wasn’t vetted by Shirley’s family, which seems kind of important! And it’s a bit cheesy throughout. Technically speaking, it seems like the directing/editing would be better than the writing here. Vice… that story was so all over the place. McKay’s script for Big Short was way crisper and stronger. Roma is a great film, but I don’t put its screenplay up as strongly as its other technical achievements. Eighth Grade should have been nominated here and been a contender. It won at the Writers Guilds Awards (Bo’s speech is really funny too), and Bo Burnham made a brutally vulnerable, honest story about adolescence and technology.

I usually make a joke here about how movies based on actual events should be in the Adapted Screenplay category (since they’re adapted from real life!), but I guess Nick Vallelonga really took that to heart because he basically removed any shred of reality from Green Book. May as well give Bohemian Rhapsody a nod here too lol

Adapted Screenplay: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” Joel Coen , Ethan Coen “BlacKkKlansman,” Charlie Wachtel, David Rabinowitz, Kevin Willmott, Spike Lee “Can You Ever Forgive Me?,” Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty “If Beale Street Could Talk,” Barry Jenkins “A Star Is Born,” Eric Roth, Bradley Cooper, Will Fetters

The rules for adapted are always funny. A Star is Born is based on three previous versions, and Buster Scruggs apparently has some adapted short stories but other completely original short stories. Weird. I wouldn’t feel too strongly about Star’s screenplay since I feel like the quality in its update is more in the acting and music, versus the writing. Buster Scruggs was a mixed bag for me, with some awesome and some meh stories.

Bro, which stories were meh? Name names! There wasn’t a bad one in the damn bunch.

BK seems to be in the lead, which would be a cool win for Spike Lee (he previously received an honorary Oscar). Apparently the movie changed a lot, which I imagine was positive for movie action/plot intrigue. I feel like whatever the screenplay did with the romance didn’t really play, but I’m not really sure what else I would push alternatively.

Matt is really hating on the romance angle in BlacKkKlansman. I’ll be honest, I barely remember that aspect of the movie, so the hate is probably warranted.

Beale Street was a worthy effort, but I felt like the narrative was all over the place and wonder if Jenkins could have done a better job conveying the story in movie form. I don’t think it was an easy book to adapt, as I’ve heard with Baldwin fiction, but the product in the end doesn’t measure up to BK. As for Can You Ever Forgive Me?, I thought it was a stellar story, and also apparently people don’t think the original memoir itself was very good, so I guess it gets points for that!

Go ahead and give Jenkins the win to make up for that L* L* L*nd/Moonlight mix up back in 2017.

Best Documentary Feature: “Free Solo,” Jimmy Chin, Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi “Hale County This Morning, This Evening,” RaMell Ross “Minding the Gap,” Bing Liu “Of Fathers and Sons,” Talal Derki “RBG,” Betsy West, Julie Cohen

I’m not a big documentary guy, but they have gotten more popular (Won’t You Be Me Neighbor, Three Identical Strangers, Free Solo, and RBG all were box office documentary hits this year), and I’ve ended up checking a few more out. Won’t You Be My Neighbor was one of the most noted snubs when nominations came out, and it’s a shame it didn’t get nominated. It was beloved and had a notable cultural effect last summer, and I thought it was terrific and charming. I didn’t see Three Identical Strangers yet, but I’ve heard it considered to be a snub too, which Alex can elaborate on.

Shit I had this whole paragraph written up about Mr. Rogers, but Matt just reminded me that it didn’t get nominated. Basically the punchline was that I watched it with my parents and they just clowned Fred the whole time, which I think explains a lot.

Three Identical Strangers was great, but apparently I’m the only person who either didn’t know about the second twist or didn’t think it was that shocking/big of a deal. I gotta say, capitalizing on your 15 minutes of fame by opening a celebrity restaurant in New York City is probably the most 1988 thing ever.

Also, no love for the Pope Francis doc? Guess I’ll see the Academy in hell...as I look down from Heaven!

The betting odds seem split between Free Solo and RBG, with Solo slightly ahead. I am all about Free Solo, and I hope it wins. It’s an incredible, fascinating story. Is this guy insane for making this climb? How do we feel about him with his girlfriend? How do we feel about his girlfriend with him? How do we feel about the documentary crew filming him? Are they enabling him? Deterring him? These are really interesting dynamics throughout the story. It’s helpful that everyone involved in the story is inherently likable, and they are wondering about these same dynamics. Also, although I think most people know the fate of Alex Honnold’s climb before watching, the feat is so extraordinary and ridiculous that you will still be stressed out, nervous, and fascinated watching it.

The climbing footage is awe-inspiring. The filmmakers do a great job explaining the audacity and absurdity of the climb so that the average viewer can understand what’s going on. This is such a good documentary.

RBG the person is awesome, and I’m a big fan. But RBG the documentary is just… good? I feel like voters must have been split between this at Won’t You Be My Neighbor, and it’s hard not to compare the two, since they came out around the same time and are both about revered figures. WYBMN has really good editing and panache, and an inherent charm in talking about Mr. Rodgers’ legacy and his past. RBG feels more by-the-numbers and with less impressive editing and focus. It felt a bit short and all-over-the-place. I could have used more time on her advocacy versus her time exercising or becoming a cultural meme.

WYBMN also benefited from having tons of footage from the TV shows. RBG by comparison doesn’t have as much old footage, and with RBG alive, they do a lot more interviewing her or following her around. It’s an interesting glimpse, but doesn’t work quite as well for me. It’s a good film, and I enjoyed getting more of a look into RBG’s life. But I don’t want it to win.

Minding the Gap is the other film I saw out of this batch, and it had caught my eye after being on a few critics’ best movies lists at the end of 2018. It’s on Hulu, and it definitely wouldn’t become a box office hit. It has an indie vibe for sure, as Bing Liu, a young filmmaker, follows two friends as they grow from teenagers to young adults, along with examining his own life. The film delves deeply into masculinity, physical abuse from childhood, and identity in the Midwest. It really builds and gets stronger and stronger towards the end. There are some deep emotions that this film can evoke in the viewer, and I really felt for the story by the end. Also, a bonus is that the footage of them skateboarding is really beautiful and whimsical.

Best Foreign Language Film: “Capernaum” (Lebanon) “Cold War” (Poland) “Never Look Away” (Germany) “Roma” (Mexico) “Shoplifters” (Japan)

Roma is the clear favorite here. I almost wish that if Roma was definitely getting best picture, they could just retract its nomination here so someone else could win!

Ha that’s actually not a bad idea. These other flicks don’t stand a chance when Roma is going toe-to-toe with the entire field of movies.

I really liked Cold War and Shoplifters. I didn’t get a chance to see Capernaum or Never Look Away. Never Look Away seemed to have mixed reviews, which makes me wish that Burning (South Korea! Steven Yeun!) got the nom instead. While in the lobby post-Cold War, my friend and I saw a bunch of people left Capernaum in tears, so… that seems like it must have been good and sad?

Bro, people were crying because it SUCKED. Jk, I’m sure it’s wonderful. Also, has a foreign language film ever been nominated that wasn’t a totally depressing tearjerker? Do countries besides the U.S. and France make comedies? I know there isn’t much to laugh about in Turkmenistan or wherever, but I’m just asking.

Cold War is by the previous winner of Ida, another excellent black-and-white film. While Ida was smaller scale in time, Cold War spans a romance of two musicians over some years. It similarly tackles the repercussions of WWII and the titled Cold War on Poland. The two main characters are really captivating and dynamic to watch. The music portrayed is super fun. The challenges of the times are fascinating. My one gripe is that the film felt a bit weirdly paced at times, partly because it was covering a multitude of years, and the characters’ decisions were sometimes a bit too dubious for me.

I really dug Shoplifters too. It’s a lovely, beautiful film that ponders what a family is. The characters aren’t conventional good guys, mistakes are made, and these characters try to keep their version of a family together. Sometimes the movie is beautiful and optimistic, sometimes it’s sad and heartbreaking. I also liked how the movie was intentionally confusing about some details, to add to the storytelling aspect.

Animated Feature: “Incredibles 2,” Brad Bird “Isle of Dogs,” Wes Anderson “Mirai,” Mamoru Hosoda “Ralph Breaks the Internet,” Rich Moore, Phil Johnston “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,” Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman

SPIDER-VERSE. All the way. That movie could have gone poorly. There is definitely a lot of Spider-man content out in the world in recent years, and the movie worked by both leaning into that and truly creating its own story to stand on. Miles Morales was an awesome main character. Peter Parker was a great side character (that was definitely a risk in storytelling). Miles’ family characters were well-portrayed (shoutout Brian Tyree Henry and Mahershala Ali, AGAIN. Those dudes kill it).

Spider-Verse might be my favorite movie of the YEAR. #2 this decade behind Moonlight and all of the X-Men films. Everything about this movie is fantastic. The characters are well-drawn (emotionally and literally), the stories are engaging, and the humor, while appropriate for all ages, doesn’t include any lame juvenile shit (unlike this blog post). Folks (myself) were legit getting emotional in the theater. Looked like a screening of Capernaum in there.

The animation was awesome. It was new and unique, making the movie feel like a comic book come to life. I think the movie had a poor box office opening because of market saturation, but it ended up grossing a respectable amount based on word of mouth and audience reception. Good! Can’t wait to see what’s next.

I’d literally never seen anything like Spider-Verse. The animation was crazy dynamic, constantly shifting between more realistic and more cartoony depending on what the situation called for. Everything about this movie from the animation, to the music, to the voices is completely fresh and inspired.

The Incredibles 2 seemed to take the box office by storm, and by the time I saw it a month or so later, I was a bit let down. The movie is a bit unsatisfying in originality after so many years. It’s still good! I had a lot of fun, and some of the action sequences were pretty exciting. It’s just not as good as Pixar’s best or the first Incredibles.

No desire to see Incredibles 2. Incredibles 1 is massively overrated and all anyone wanted to talk about from part 2 is how hot the mom was. I’m good, homie.

Isle of Dogs was really fun and charming. It was a solid Wes Anderson joint. I do wish it had more agency for some of the Asian characters, and it’s still sorta funny to me that Wes just kinda dropped in with his crew + one Asian writer for the script. But yeah, it was a really fun movie. I haven’t seen Ralph since I hadn’t gotten to the first one yet. Mirai looks like my kind of jam, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. Spiderverse all the way.

Isle of Dogs is racist as hell! Why will no one talk about it??? I feel like I’m going INSANE

Original Song: “All The Stars” from “Black Panther” by Kendrick Lamar, SZA “I’ll Fight” from “RBG” by Diane Warren, Jennifer Hudson “The Place Where Lost Things Go” from “Mary Poppins Returns” by Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman “Shallow” from “A Star Is Born” by Lady Gaga, Mark Ronson, Anthony Rossomando, Andrew Wyatt and Benjamin Rice “When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings” from “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs” by David Rawlings and Gillian Welch

Shallow is such a heavyweight here. That song is the classic from a soundtrack of lots of good songs. It’s perfect for their relationship in the story, and it’s the best scene in the film when she comes onstage to sing it. I hope they crush it live on stage. Get it, Bradley!

Would’ve loved for “Why Did You Do That?” to get an ironic nomination here. Man that song was ass. “Shallow” is a good song and plays an important role in the movie, so I’m not upset at all if it wins, but yo that part where they’re just like “Sha-la-la-la-la-low” is weak as hell. Should’ve ponied up for Jason Isbell to get the late checkout time, maybe he could’ve done something there.

Hot take: “When a Cowboy Trades His Spurs for Wings” is a MUCH better song.

Man, the Mary Poppins’ new songs were pretty disappointing. Maybe they should have gotten Lin involved in the writing. The Buster Scruggs song is pretty goofy and funny, and All the Stars is a fun anthem.

All the Stars is a fresh track, I wouldn’t be mad at it pulling an upset.

Original Score: “BlacKkKlansman,” Terence Blanchard “Black Panther,” Ludwig Goransson “If Beale Street Could Talk,” Nicholas Britell “Isle of Dogs,” Alexandre Desplat “Mary Poppins Returns,” Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman

Feels like First Man got snubbed here bigtime. That score was really good, and it seemed like a favorite before nominations came out. I’d root for Brittell’s score. His work was beautiful in this (and in Moonlight), so a win would be cool. I generally like Desplat’s whimsy, but I don’t remember much about the score here. Black Panther’s was cool, though I feel like it was more about the songs on the soundtrack versus Ludwig’s score. Ludwig is the man though. I wouldn’t hate him getting it.

Good point about Black Panther’s strength lying in its songs instead of the soundtrack. Really disappointed in Sicario 2 overall, but especially in its score. Sicario 1 had the hottest score of the year when it dropped, but much like everything else about Sicario 2, it didn’t deliver.

Sound Editing: “Black Panther,” Benjamin A. Burtt, Steve Boeddeker “Bohemian Rhapsody,” John Warhurst “First Man,” Ai-Ling Lee, Mildred Iatrou Morgan “A Quiet Place,” Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl “Roma,” Sergio Diaz, Skip Lievsay

Sound Mixing: “Black Panther” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “First Man” “Roma” “A Star Is Born”

This confuses me every year. Here’s a good article for the differences. Basically, sound editing awards effects (think, creating gunfire/explosion noise for a war/action movie). while sound mixing awards the soundscape/all the sounds mixed together.

So with that in mind… these categories seem to have less predictable winners, and I see that the sound editing leaders are currently First Man and A Quiet Place. I’d give props to First Man here, for doing work with the space exploration. A Quiet Place is interesting since it had to use its sound so effectively and specifically.

How you gonna award A Quiet Place for its SOUND? Smh

As for sound mixing, I really dug watching Roma in theaters. You could hear sounds, birds chirping, and it felt like you were on the street in the neighborhood of Roma.

It’s almost like you can really *hear* the dogshit squishing between the kids’ toes on the pavement.

Now, it appears that Gold Derby leans towards three options: A Star is Born, First Man, or Bohemian Rhapsody. I feel like BR relied a lot on pre-done recordings unrelated to filming, so I’m not sure about that one (though I suppose that’s the point of sound mixing, I dunno… look, I just don’t want it to win -- lmao same bro). A Star is Born had to deal with live music! It’s way more worthy.

Visual Effects: “Avengers: Infinity War” “Christopher Robin” “First Man” “Ready Player One” “Solo: A Star Wars Story”

This is easily Infinity War. Relying on Thanos as a main character meant a ton of work, and if you remember his cameos in Guardians or the Avengers post-credits, you know that he looked better here and much more fully realized. He was a mammoth, a threat, and the visual portrayal was well done. His fight against Hulk, his fight against Doctor Strange, some awesome FX. Having to weave in tons of comic characters was no easy feat too, with Falcon and War Machine fighting in the sky while Groot, Rocket, and Cap are on the ground against those bad guys.

Avengers all the way. Having a lame-looking Thanos would’ve nuked the whole movie (people are STILL talking about Superman’s CGI shave), but they knocked it out of the park. Infinity War had to be a huge undertaking, as it’s a million superheroes pulling out all the stops for like 6 hours. Kinda surprised Black Panther didn’t get any love here for similar reasons.

Ready Player One had a lot of fun effects too. It had to rely a lot on video game storytelling, and the adventure of it was pretty fun and well-done. Solo was fine.

I honestly had to ruminate for like five minutes to remember if I saw Solo or not. I think “fine” is the most accurate possible description of any aspect of Solo.

First Man was quality. I dug their comments on how there is no way they could have faked the moon landing considering how hard it is now to even try to demonstrate that in a fictional film.

That’s what they want you to think, sheeple!!!

Christopher Robin? Wasn’t that bear real?? What are you trying to say???

Realest bear since the one that took Leo’s ass in The Revenant.

Production Design: “Black Panther,” Hannah Beachler “First Man,” Nathan Crowley, Kathy Lucas “The Favourite,” Fiona Crombie, Alice Felton “Mary Poppins Returns,” John Myhre, Gordon Sim “Roma,” Eugenio Caballero, Bárbara Enrı́quez

Costume Design: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” Mary Zophres “Black Panther,” Ruth E. Carter “The Favourite,” Sandy Powell “Mary Poppins Returns,” Sandy Powell “Mary Queen of Scots,” Alexandra Byrne

Black Panther was sick. Weaving in futuristic elements with African culture. The sets were wild. The costumes were fantastic. The Favourite did a good job doing the royal vibe too. The NASA production that they had to recreate in First Man made it feel really authentic. Same for Roma. Lots of good stuff here.

Agreed on Black Panther for all the reasons Matt mentions, but I think you gotta go with The Favourite here. Those people looked like they STUNK. Just fucking gross all the way around -- and it was PERFECT.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and Roma had great design as well. As an anthology, Buster Scruggs had the added degree of difficulty of making sure every story appeared distinct enough while maintaining the overall look and feel of the movie.

Makeup and Hair: “Border” “Mary Queen of Scots” “Vice”

I mean, you saw Christian Bale as Dick Cheney. Lock this up.

Clink-clink!

Animated Short: “Animal Behaviour,” Alison Snowden, David Fine “Bao,” Domee Shi “Late Afternoon,” Louise Bagnall “One Small Step,” Andrew Chesworth, Bobby Pontillas “Weekends,” Trevor Jimenez

“Weekends” by Trevor Jimenez sounds like a banger of an R&B album.

Best Documentary Short Subject: “Black Sheep,” Ed Perkins “End Game,” Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman “Lifeboat,” Skye Fitzgerald “A Night at the Garden,” Marshall Curry “Period. End of Sentence.,” Rayka Zehtabchi

Best Live Action Short Film: “Detainment,” Vincent Lambe “Fauve,” Jeremy Comte “Marguerite,” Marianne Farley “Mother,” Rodrigo Sorogoyen “Skin,” Guy Nattiv

Bao was a fun, sweet short that had some nice Asian representation… that’s all I got.

I’ll be watching the documentary shorts the night before the Oscars, but wanted to get this post up before then, so if you want my thoughts on those nominees, holla at ya boy.

As for everything else? I probably agree with Matt.

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