#i am SO ..... normal . sane . mentally sound (lying)

[kuragesoda]

INSANE THEY ARE SO INSANE FOR THIS

[iwanttobepersephone]

So, I was lying down in bed, and I had the thought of "what if Halt was actually vulnerable with Will? Like, what if Will asked for help from Halt after they came home from Skandia, like mental help, and Halt responded with stories of his own. What would that sound like?" And I came up with this:

"When you've been through as much as I have, Will, you learn to find happiness in the mundane. I grew up basing my entire personality off two things. Eventually, I was forced to leave, and I had to completely re-learn my sense of self. I didn't have any access to what I used to think was my only purpose in life, and I was homeless in a brand new place with a brand new culture and a language that I only kinda knew. But, being homeless in Araluen, you have a lot of access to nature. And, when I was young, my love of nature was the second of two personality traits. So, I took that, and I ran with it. I would only stay in taverns when it was raining out, and I would spend as much time as I humanly could in the trees, by the river banks, climbing hills, making friends with foxes and birds, and generally just finding who I was. It took me way longer than I'm making it sound, trust me, but I think it helped me once I settled down in this cabin. You, Will, have grown used to trauma being the default, and the downtime feels uncomfortable to you. You need excitement and variety. The mundane makes you feel depressed. But trust me, Will, there is beauty and excitement everywhere here. You just need to find it. And I can help you, if you'd like, but I think it's best done on your own."

Yeah, this is a normal thing to do. Writing entire essays of one character providing comfort and support to another character all while lying flat down on my bed and then retyping it all out onto my phone. I am a sane and normal human being who totally isn't way too obsessed with writing for her own good.

@an1d10t sure I'll tag you. How boutcha read this? Lol

[chifuyuzu]

leap of faith — sano manjiro x reader.

word count — 1.3k.

genre — fluff fluff fluff, i love sweet mikey.

contains — cursing, timeskip SPOILERS present, reader is gender neutral.

description — sano manjiro is in love with you, and he realizes how much he loves you at the ass crack of fuckin' dawn.

author's note — hey besties, this is my first published fic here, kinda short but mikey brain rot is heavy. i hope you enjoy this cute fic before i rip your hearts out with some angst in a few days :^) reblogs and likes are always appreciated! and please give me feedback in my inbox! hehe, enjoy.

“it’s late.”

you know. but you still wanted to hear the sound of his voice before bed.

“mm… i missed ya’, is that a crime?” your voice echos through the receiver, the sound of your duvet crinkling in the background as you shift in place. sano manjiro was a busy man. always has been, always will be. being the leader of a biker gang was never easy—let alone some “new age” criminal organization.

you didn’t understand why manjiro persisted to play this game of russian roulette with his life. but it was never your place to overstep, especially since this was his life. it was all he knew, all he understood. you’re not sure what he’s doing, or if he’s even allowed to talk on the phone at this hour, but you still wanted to hear him. just so you know he’s alive and well.

you hear him chuckle, the sound of his feet scurrying against whatever floor his sandals were clacking against. the background noise that accompanied him earlier has dissipated; you realized he probably went outside to hear you better.

“your crime is loving a fool like me way too much. don’t think you’re sane.” he’s right. you’re actually crazy for even pursuing him. there was a lot of push and shove in the beginning, both parties scared of being hurt and getting hurt. but you were always there, even when manjiro went through whatever darkness was eating at his soul.

“crazy for you.”

“corny.”

“you love me.”

a pause. eerie enough to send shivers down your spine. why wasn’t he responding? did something happen? did you smother him too much? is he regretting—

“marry me.”

… not what you were expecting. especially not over the phone.

“sano manjiro, did you just propose over the phone? what kind of shitty rom-com are we in?”

“is that a no?”

“... never said that.” you wanted to marry him. but you wanted him to put that lifestyle behind, for the sake of the family you might have in the future. kids, dogs, cats, etcetera. you wanted him to be in, one hundred percent. but you knew he was too deep into this world to run now—especially since he’s so well-known as the ‘invincible mikey.’ you still longed for a happy home with manjiro, and a normal life.

“maybe you’re right. it’s not my style to ask you this over the phone.”

“try again later. when you’re really ready.”

the gag is, he is ready.

manjiro hurries home, blond locks hidden underneath a thin, black hoodie. he’s shaking, like a pomeranian in the presence of fireworks. his hand meets the left side of his chest, back pressed up against the grey colored wall of your shared apartment as he slides down to sit on the floor. it was four in the morning, and manjiro was about to shit himself.

he gulps, eyes peering around for you, double checking that you were fast asleep before he makes a phone call. his fingers tapped the back of his iphone, impatiently waiting for the other caller to answer. though it was the crack of dawn, he still needed some moral support.

“mikey? fuck you callin’ for at this hour? haven’t heard from you in mo—”

“ken-chin. i’m proposing.”

a loud ‘flop’ rang through the receiver, accompanied by the bedsheets seemingly slipping underneath draken’s feet. it was a huge bomb to drop, especially when the duo has been separated for months on end. manjiro hears more shuffling, followed by a few curses. “you’re fucking lying. the one you’ve been one since—?”

“yeah. i’m crazy as hell. but i love them. head over heels. i’m a goddamn simp.”

“why the hell am i the first to know, man?”

“you’re m’best friend, even if i need to stay away from you. and, also… you’re not the first to know. i asked them already.”

“you WHAT? don’t fuckin’ tell me you did it some dumb way like over the pho— you did. you’re impulsive enough to do it like that, too.” regardless of how long it’s been, draken still knows and understands manjiro like nothing ever happened.

“yeah… not romantic. but i can’t see myself with anyone else. i trust no one else. but i… am…”

“scared? man, you’re the head of a criminal organization. ‘course you’re scared. you don’t want the love of your life… to get hurt…” his voice trails off and manjiro’s heart tenses even more. the memories of the past still felt fresh. all the people they lost in tokyo manji… could never be replaced. not in a million years.

but the living must live.

“i love y/n. never felt like this before. i’d quit everything. but i would have to make sure they’re safe and whatever future we have together is secure. i know i promised takemichi that i’d protect everyone and that future he worked so hard to save… but what about mine?”

manjiro really did sacrifice everything for his friends. being the type of person who carries everyone else’s burdens takes a toll on his mental. he felt selfish for wanting to leave it all behind. but maybe being selfish was beneficial once in a while.

“listen—”

“do you think i’m stupid?”

“mikey. you’re not stupid,” draken sighs, shuffling again in place. “you just want to love someone and be loved in return. nothin’ stupid about that. what is stupid though, is you proposing over the damn phone.”

he’s not wrong. it was a spur of the moment decision that could drastically change his life forever. but with you, he doesn’t care. as long as you’re his, forever.

“how do you think i should do it?”

“well. i guess, tell me some sappy shit. how do you feel about them, and whatnot.”

“i don’t think i could ever imagine me with anyone else. a lot of people have tried to grab my attention but i only have eyes for y/n. sometimes when shit gets real hard…” manjiro takes a deep sigh, fingers threading through his hair, tilting back the hood to let it fall onto his back. “i think of y/n and i remember that even in this shit world, someone is here for me. someone cares about me. they make me feel like i’m not alone anymore.

i have dreams ‘bout us, y’know? me and y/n… kids running around. a little mikey clone. pissin’ them off because we want little flags on our meals. going to the park and letting kids be kids. maybe i’ll teach ‘em at a dojo like gramps did for me and my siblings. maybe i’ll teach ‘em about bikes—with your help, of course.”

draken laughs, letting his friend continue his little speech as he gets comfortable in bed again. don’t think i’ve ever seen mikey like this, ever, draken muses.

“man, we can own a whole zoo if we wanted. chifuyu could hook us up, in secret, of course. still have to protect everyone,” manjiro is grinning from ear to ear, head resting against the wall. “i wanna grow old with them. honestly, i didn’t think i’d make it to my twenties. more so, i didn’t want to live past twenty-something. but now… things are different. wanna be old and gray. see grandkids terrorize our children. die together.”

the tension in manjiro’s chest has faded away, only left with warmth that only you could bring him. his free hand reaches into his pocket to fumble with a small box, snapping it open to reveal the engagement ring his grandfather handed down to him.

he wasn’t the marrying type. but for you, he was.

“that all? you sound good like that, man. make an exception and let us come to the wedding.”

manjiro wants that more than anything. his friends, you... all safe. all happy. but again, the fear creeps up. he doesn’t know what to do with himself if any of you get hurt.

“... how do i tell y/n that?”

“you already have.” your voice makes him jump, knocking the velvet box out of his fingers and onto the hardwood floor. his face pales, followed by a huge lump forming at his throat when he sees your figure emerge from your shared bedroom.

“i-uh… i thought you were a-asleep.” manjiro mumbles, earning a huge laugh from draken on the other side. he hears him say something along the lines of ‘my cue to leave. good luck. send me an invite.’

“i was waiting for you.” 

he’s sweating now, a small bead forming at the base of his neck. his phone is now at his side, the screen flashing from draken’s caller id to the lockscreen photo of you on your first date together, a few years back. your eyes zone into the box, though.

“i was going to do this… better. god, i fucked up, huh?”

you’re laughing now, rubbing your tired eyes before you join him near the wall, picking up the box. “what makes you think that, dummy?”

now he’s confused. you wanted him to ask when he was serious, but in his head, serious meant rose petals, candles, someone singing celine dion in the distance.

without a word, you slip the ring onto its appropriate finger, holding up to the small rays of sunlight that peaked through the window from the approaching sunrise. manjiro’s hands fly up to your face, holding his whole world in his hands. his eyes are shiny, on the brink of tears. you nudge your noses together, foreheads connecting tenderly. your hands hooked onto the hem of his hoodie, bringing his frame closer as you whisper a soft ‘yes.’

“yes?”

“yes, i’ll marry you.”

manjiro’s lips curl up into the silliest grin you’ve ever seen him sport, before he presses a soft kiss to your lips. now he’s kissing you quite desperately. as if he’s trying to make sure you’re real, that this isn’t a dream. you feel his words vibrate against your lips, “gonna make you so happy, i promise. i love you. i love you so, so much.”

“forevermore.”

“forever yours.”

[danielxricciardo]

Can you do one with Max, with 46 and 55 from angst list?

Summary: You are suffering from depression and Max tries to be by your side

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of suicide, depression

Word count: 3.6k+

46. “I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”

55. “You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay.”

Depression feels like a lot of things.

It feels like sadness, which is what everyone will tell you. It's a pretty common thread.

"I'm worthless."

"Everyone thinks I'm a horrible burden."

So on and so forth.

Everyone in the world is happy but you, and in the end, you are a worthless piece of shit that doesn't belong in this otherwise glorious and happy place. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you are lying there on your bed in the same unlaundered pair of pajamas, wondering why you are even allowed to keep living any longer. Some meteor strikes or lightning bolts should be reserved for people like you because you are taking up space and oxygen and food and other resources that real, happy, productive people need.

It feels like emptiness. You have all these possibilities and none of them seem interesting. You could do some art, or play some music, but that just doesn't feel right. There's no joy in it. You could have sex with your significant other, but you can't muster up the desire. You could play video games, or read a book. But what's the point? There's no real benefit to all of it but passing the time. You could get up and make lunch. But no, you're not that hungry, and if you close your eyes, time will pass a little faster. You can lie there. That works. It doesn't require active effort to do something fruitless. Everything is as empty and fruitless as lying and staring out your window at the clouds and the shifting shadows of tree branches, and so why do anything else?

It feels like fatigue. Standing up out of your bed requires the same amount of bodily effort as climbing several flights of stairs. Managing to get dressed and walk outside is like running a race. Heaven helps you if you try to go to the store or a friend's house -- that may as well be on the other side of the continent. Every step is heavy. Every muscle motion requires ten times the work it used to. Exercise becomes difficult, and control over your body expires quickly. You become clumsier, so heavy lifting is right out. You daze out randomly, daydreaming, even dozing, so biking or running is hard. You feel most at home when you are entirely relaxed, so you lie down...and don't get up again until something like your bladder compels you.

It feels like a loss of control. You have no idea why your brain and body are doing this. You don't want to feel sad. Nobody wants to feel shitty and tired and empty all the time. People will look at you and say, "It's like you don't want to get better." Those people are idiots. You truly, deeply, from the bottom of your soul, have no idea why this has happened or what to do. It's not logical. It makes no sense. You woke up like this, or it crept in overtime or something like that. It's like a fog, a force of nature that sweeps in, occludes everything, and there's not one thing you can do about it from where you stand. Trying feels like taking a paper fan outside and trying to blow away the morning mist. Someone has tied puppet strings to your brain and is playing this hideous dance with it, and you don't have the scissors to cut them away. The dance doesn't make sense; it's arbitrary and rhythmless. If you had any sort of reasoning behind it, you could take control. But you don't.

It feels like desperation. You can't find a way out. You lie there at night, keening into your pillow like a wounded animal, making all sorts of noises that no human being should be able to make. You claw and scratch at the sheets, or at yourself, as the pain wrings itself out through bodily expression. The tears won't stop. You don't know why. All you know is that it hurts, it really and truly hurts, and you think if it goes on any longer, you're going to die. Right there. Bleed out on the floor. So you grab up your phone, and you call someone at 4 AM, and you beg them to please just make it stop. You bury yourself in books and movies because at least then you can imagine something else than yourself. You read nonstop. You have to have your fix. It's like an addiction, no, more like a life support machine. Otherworlds, fantasies of happiness, and real experiences that aren't your horrible existence become the iron lung keeping air flowing in and out. You are alive because you can stop thinking for a while. Your friends come over to comfort you. Their stories keep you sane and well, like dialysis for all the toxins in you. Your mind has failed at being independent, and now it relies on a thousand little machines to keep itself running. You rely on one machine until another comes to save you. You read books until your friends come by. You stretch out your time with friends until you have to bury yourself in a movie again just to keep the thought of real-life away.

It feels like untamed anger. Your friends can't keep this up forever. You fall further and further, and you eventually start dropping commitments. You have become That Person, the flake that everyone knows will back out. People start getting annoyed at you, annoyed at how they have to spend so much time just keeping you afloat, annoyed at how often you're causing them trouble by constantly disappearing and backing out of appointments, and so on. Your workplace gets annoyed at your lack of productivity. And then you can't take it anymore, and you want to scream at them, grab them by the throat and shake them because IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You start having twisted fantasies, the ones where you walk up to that person who keeps telling you he can't do this anymore, you're just too unreliable, putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. Just to make him know, for once, that FUCK HIM, your problems are REAL, DAMMIT, REAL, and he better FUCKING RESPECT that. And when you're gone, he'll fall to his knees and cry, and he'll say, he wishes he had understood, that he didn't mean to be so unkind, and the scar on his heart from his own failure will remain fresh and knotted for eternity. And then you shake yourself out of the daydream, and you wonder why you have turned into such a horrible person, someone who even considers ending their own life just to spite another human being. Then it creeps back in, the knowledge that the world is getting fed up with you...and the cycle begins again. You start thriving off these daydreams, because at the very least if you can't be happy, you can throw caution to the wind and get the petty, oddly satisfying revenge buried under all those layers of morality that are becoming worn and flaking away. It's just a fantasy, right? And it helps pass the time...

It feels like forever. You have forgotten what it's like to truly be joyful. You can imagine it, but it's not really you in those thoughts. This is who you are. This is your life. This is you.

It feels like you have only one thing truly under your power: your existence. You cannot choose what life throws at you. Your brain and body have betrayed you. Your friends have worn away, and you've fled from your job and any commitments you have.

It feels empowering. You can jump whenever you want.

But he accepted you the way you are. He never reproached you for negatively influencing his mentality or life, even though you knew he felt it too. He always listened to you, he was with you even at 2 in the morning when you were crying on the bathroom floor with your knees to your chest, and you knew it wasn't right. It wasn't right for him to go through, basically, what you were going through. But no matter how much you told him you could do it without his help, Max was coming back more insistently than ever.

He came up with the idea to start therapy. "You have to find out why you feel this way. Go at least once, see how it is, if you don't like it or feel that it doesn't help you, you will give up, okay?" That was a year and a half ago.

The psychologist gave you a diagnosis from the first session: Major Depressive Disorder. Sure you knew what the three words meant, but you didn't know what it meant to have a label on your condition.

"A major depressive disorder is characterized by one or more of these depressive episodes. the diagnosis of major depressive disorder requires depressed mood or anhedonia which is the loss of interest in pleasure and five or more signs or symptoms for the SIGECAPS mnemonic for a 2-week period. (SIGECAPS) Sleep Disturbance, loss of Interest, feeling Guilty, feeling fatigued and low in Energy, having decreased Concentration, decreased or increased Appetite and been agitated and slow and having Suicidal ideation."

It sounds incredible to you. Suicidal thoughts? Not everyone has a thought, somewhere, behind their mind 'What if I disappeared?'

You were prescribed Prozac and Zoloft and it helped. You weren't always sad anymore, you could go to the races with Max and support him as a normal girlfriend does. You apologized to my friends who tried to help me and whose lives you made impossible and you managed to get back to work, from home anyway. Sure, you still had moments when you felt like you weren't 100% yourself but not like before. You did therapy twice a week and the psychologist was happy with your evolution.

But being the stupid ass that you are, you stopped taking the medication. You took the last pill on Friday. Because you were fine. You felt ok, everyone around you told you you were better, you were doing amazing, so you were cured, right? Or so you thought. Saturday was normal. Sunday was not. Your mood and energy were very low. You woke up at like 2 in the afternoon. That is not unusual for you. You’re used to it. You were sad. You were exhausted. You knew that feeling like this was “no excuse” so you tried to force yourself to do it anyway. Typical of your life. You feel like you had already taken so much off work because of the triple-header, you were for three weeks attached to the hips with Max.

The only thing you thought of was dying. And that terrified you. And Max senses something was wrong. But he didn't want to tell something and ending up being wrong and you being upset by his misinterpretation. But, yes, he sensed that you were becoming your old self.

"Hey, babe," he snapped you out of your daydreaming. A tragic one, where you were finally at peace and Max was crying for you. You were on the verge of crying yourself at the mere image of Max in your head. But you pushed it far from your mind, somewhere in a dark corner for you to find it at an appropriate time to fantasize about your dying. "How about we go to a picnic? It's sunny outside."

Yes, the wheater was amazing. It was finally summer and you could go outside and spend some time with Max. But your brain literally is tricking you into thinking you don't deserve to enjoy the sunny day. Why? You don't have an answer.

"I'm not really in the mood, Max. Sorry."

You are not in the mood. That was his affirmation. You are not ok.

"You feeling good?"

"Yeah. Just tired I guess."

"But you just woke up."

You shrugged. He was right. You just woke up, so why do you feel like you were carrying a ton of bricks on your shoulders? You couldn't walk. You almost felt like 18 months ago. And that is when it hit you. And Max, at the same time.

"Still taking your meds, I hope."

Silence. Your mind was like overcrowded and you couldn’t take it anymore. You grabbed your head and pulled your hair because you wanted it to stop. You were thinking that you didn’t know what to think. You didn’t know how to think. You didn’t know how you felt. You were like anxious-depressed-angry-miserable-irritable all in one. Your head was spinning with thoughts. Thoughts were talking over thoughts. So fast that you couldn’t even make out one complete sentence. It was just too much for you to handle. You just wanted someone to kill you.

Max came to you and he hugged you so hard you thought he could crush your bones right there and then. You calmed down eventually. But now you were embarrassed. Because Max saw you, again, at your lowest. Because you promised you'll get better, and for a while, you were better, but now you are fucked and back into square one. All those money on therapy and your pills, for what? For you to stop taking them because you thought you were feeling better? Well, you definitely were not ok, nor you'll be. So, yeah, being fucked sounded good.

Max brought you the medicine and a glass of water. Taking the pills again? For what? The pills only fuel the feeling that everything is fine and that you are a normal person. Nothing was good and you were not a normal person.

But you took the pills. And you looked Max in the eyes and you wanted to die. He seemed crushed. He was sad, devastated, maybe angry but definitely disappointed. In you. Because maybe you don't realize this, but while you were doing good, he was doing great. He knew you could be on your own so he stopped worrying that much, and that could also be seen in his driving. He was winning more races, he was at his best and now he was at his lowest. Because you were at your lowest; co-dependency and shit.

"I'm sorry, baby. I thought I was doing well enough to stop taking the meds," you say in a broken voice but the tears are yet to appear. He stroked your hair and kissed you on your forehead.

"You should have told me. You don't have to go thru this alone. I am here."

"Yeah, you are here. But you don't have to be!" you snapped. Irritability, one thing your depression came with. "I am just a burden for you. And no, this does not come from the fact I stopped taking my pills. You took care of me like I was a child, and, fuck it, you don't deserve this."

"Stop talking like this, alright? If I would suffer from depression you would have done the same thing. You would have taken care of me. Or am I wrong?"

"You are not wrong. To be honest, I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for you, but I don't want you to be. It's obvious that I would never get better. This is me. I am fucked in the head, half wishing I was dead and I am just bringing you down."

"Don't tell me this is a fucking break up, Y/N." he narrows his brows and looks at your features to make sure you were being serious.

“I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”

"What the fuck are you talking about? Is this a break-up or a suicidal vocal note?"

You broke down. Crying can be cathartic and healthy, but if it goes on too long it can lock your body in a feeling of despair. Even if your mind works through the problem that caused the crying, because your body is still feeling the physical effects it will cause your mind to revert to the negative state. It's not sadness. It's dread and paralysis. You had a certain feeling of emptiness and purposelessness.

“You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay,” you say between sobs.

"You want me to find you a reason to stay alive or to stay in this relationship? To be frank, I can name a thousand reasons, but it all depends on you."

Max hugs you from behind and you lay your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat that was stronger than ever. You allowed yourself to inhale Max's scent, a soothing scent you could get drunk on.

"I want to believe you love me. I mean, I love you and I consider you the love of my life, you know? We are so young and I know it doesn't feel like it, but I promise you, I'm gonna marry you someday, even if right now you don't think you're gonna make it till tomorrow. So, yeah, this is reason number one," he said and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "This is not the worst you have been through in life. Remember where you were 18 months ago; you had no idea what was wrong with you. Now you know and you know you can be better. I know you get sick of those pills, but maybe, in the future, you won't need them. Isn't that exciting? This was reason number two," he said and pressed another kiss to your cheek. He was going to do that every time he would give you a reason. "Have you been to all the beautiful places around the world? Sure, you came to a few Grand Prix, but you never saw Great Ocean Road in Australia, you know Daniel promised he would take us there someday. You never saw Pamukkale in Turkey or Japan in Cherry Blossom season or the Blue Lagoon in Iceland. There are many places you need to visit, baby. So, yeah, this was reason number three. I don't know if you want me to continue but I can give you one more reason. Reason number four. Do it for you, baby. You deserve to live and be happy. I know you can be happy and I promise you I will do my best to help you. You just have to take it one step at a time. You just have to let me in. Let me help you, baby."

You turn around, facing him now. You loved him, with all of your heart. You love him for who he is. You love him because he literally came into your life as your lifeline. You love him because he helped you crawl up the deep bottomless abyss of depression. You love him because he had the patience and the audacity to bear with your depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, your phobias, your mood swings, your temperamental and short-tempered nature, your overthinking, your being overprotectiveness, and possessiveness. You love him because never once he thought of giving up on you in your hard times. You love him because he stands by you like a rock of unwavering support and he’s someone you can fall back on. You love him because he listens to you talking non-stop about your past, your pains, your fears, and your losses without complaining even once. You love him because he rediscovered you and helped you find yourself again when you were lost in darkness. You love him because he filled you with confidence and hope and strength and belief and determination. You love him because he believes you are the best when you set your mind on something and no one can stop you from achieving your goals. You love him because he is protective, caring, understanding, loving, and easy to be with while never being too suffocating or taking up your space. You love him because sooner or later he does everything you ask of him and does with his whole attention. You love him because whatever endeavor he engages in, he likes to give his 100% and hates doing half-hearted things. You love him because he can decode the nuances in your voice and judge your mood just perfectly. You love him because he read you like an open book and he can hear your silence. You love him because he never doubts your loyalty, your intentions, your hard work, and your million issues. You love him because no matter how busy he might get he never forgets that you are waiting for his message or his call. You love him because he keeps you in his priorities. You love him because he gave you a passion you never knew you had. You love him because he very strongly believes that you deserve the best of everything. You love him because he is empathic, kind, magnanimous, thoughtful, and down to Earth. You love him because he has eyes for no one but you. You love him because he wants to see you healthy, wealthy, prosperous, famous and he wants you to hold back at nothing, for no one, he wants you to be a Go-Getter. And most importantly you love him because no one ever loved you like he did.

"I will let you in," you say and you kiss him hard. "I'm sorry for the scene I caused."

"Don't be. It happens."

[maximoffcarter]

Bloody girl. 

Pairings: Wanda x reader

Warning: Mentions of blood. 

Summary: Y/n’s trauma was blood; she couldn’t see blood, she couldn’t feel blood, she could barely keep herself together at the mention of the word. She had struggled with this for so long after being an experiment and developing this unusual but not too weird fear. So what happened when Tony Start makes a special necklace for her but she keeps forgetting it? Only one person understood what she felt, only one person could help her out. 

A/n: This was specially requested by @mionemymind, again, another amazing request and was fun to write :)  I am back again! I take requests, I have other ships I can also do and if you have any idea you can either use the ask box or you can message me privately ;)

There are a lot of phobias around the world; some have phobia to spiders, to heights, to the ocean, etc. Y/n thought it was silly that they called her own a phobia, it wasn’t. They just didn’t understand what she had gone through back with HYDRA, they didn’t know how much she suffered for them to get her powers. They didn’t understand what she felt all those nights lonely in that dark and small room where she sometimes almost fainted for all the blood that she found on her or on the floor. It was an image that she couldn’t shake away, she’d try to look away and focus on the wall and the little marks she had done, counting down the days; waiting for her dead.

But even then, she hadn’t died. She got to escape that horrible place and that’s when Tony and Steve found her. They didn’t treat her right away, they didn’t trust her, judging by the clothes and her powers, they knew she had been another HYDRA toy. Maybe she could be worse than Wanda, or faster than Pietro was. They weren’t sure, they needed to keep her away. But they Wanda went to the basement where they kept you, in that small cell but somehow it was better that the dark room. She had stared at y/n and understood what she had gone through.

It took them 2 days to figure out who y/n really was, just like her phobia, as they called it, though they didn’t know how bad it was, just knew what the brunette had told them. Tony decided to help her out and create this necklace that she always had to use; the necklace included a small blue stone, it seemed to have something inside, but Tony had said ‘Do not ask, just use it and I’m sure it’ll help’ and she didn’t ask anymore.

The first time she trained, after 4 months, Steve had accidentally pushed her to hard and she had hit her forehead, drawing a little blood from it which made Steve panic because he thought she’d freak out, but apparently the necklace had helped, and she didn’t have a reaction to it. Steve had carried her to one of the rooms so they could check her and make sure she didn’t have any problem.

Y/n held a small bag of ice against her forehead as she waited for someone to come check her. She thought it was ridiculous to wait if nothing had happened, surprisingly, she didn’t see any blood, which was weird. She turned around when she heard a knock on the door and Wanda stood there smiling at her.

“Hey there.” Wanda smiled.

“Hi.” She offered a smile. “Are you going to be the one checking my forehead?”

Wanda chuckled softly and shook her head. “No, but I heard Steve freaking out, so I wanted to make sure you were okay.” She then made her way to y/n. “But I can take a look if you want me to. Not a professional but maybe I can make it better.”

Y/n swallowed a little as she noticed Wanda coming closer. She nodded and put the ice bag on the table in front of her. “Sure. Whatever helps to get me out of here.”

Wanda offered another smile before she walked closer to her, standing between y/n’s legs, and placing her hands carefully on y/n’s cheeks to take a better look. This only made y/n tremble a little, as she felt the warm hands on her cheeks; she wasn’t used to this kind of contact, so Wanda touching her was strange but…also sweet. And it wasn’t the first time, Wanda had taken her hand before and had hugged her occasionally, and yet, it was surprising and sweet. She had started to like this.

“It’s not a deep cut, thankfully don’t need stitches.” Wanda smiled as she grabbed the first aid kit to clean the cut.

“Well good. Apparently, Tony’s necklace did work.” Y/n smiled as she looked up at Wanda as she cleaned the cut, how careful and soft she was, she tried to not hurt y/n. She now had totally forgotten about what was happening, thinking how Wanda was so close to her, she could easily wrap her arms around her waist to pull her closer.

“It did work, and I’m glad. Wouldn’t want to see how you react.” Wanda joked as she blew a little on the cut. She smiled at her work. “I won’t cover it today so we let it breath but if it bothers you, maybe we could do it later.”

Y/n nodded. “Thank you.” She smiled again as she cleared her throat and laughed a little. “Uh…no, you wouldn’t want to see that. It’s not pretty. No one has really seen it or like…they have but…they didn’t care.” She tried to sound normal about it, trying to cover the pain she felt as she confessed that, looking down at the floor.

Wanda tilted her head and placed one of her hands on her cheek, stroking it softly. “Hey…” she made y/n look up at her and smiled softly. “We care. We would care. We are here to protect you. I am here to protect you.”

Y/n’s eyes softened at her words, building up enough courage to wrap her arms around Wanda, pulling her into a hug. “Thank you.” She whispered softly.

____________________

Y/n made a mental note to never forget the necklace. She normally didn’t sleep with jewelry unless she was really tired and she fell asleep, but this time she swore she would never forget it because it was the only think that kept her sane and didn’t make her faint because of the blood. But a mission at 2 am in the morning wasn’t very helpful for her to remember she had put it in the nightstand beside her bed. She hadn’t really noticed even in the way to the location, she was tired, but they had specifically asked for her to go, along with Wanda, Steve, and Natasha.

Everything was good, they were fighting the bad guys, and everything seemed to be cool. Until y/n had to fight with one of the soldiers and she had apparently broken his nose. She froze in place when she noticed the blood coming from his nose, she couldn’t hear anything around her anymore, she felt her heartbeat raising as she backed away. Shit…the necklace. She kept her hand close to her chest as she tried to find it but knew there was no point, remembering that she had left it back in her room.

So the next move the soldier made, y/n didn’t see it coming. She only felt a sharp pain in her cheek, and she fell to the floor. If it wasn’t enough to have seen the blood in his face, it was now enough as she touched her face and saw the blood in her hand. She breathed heavily and felt herself already dizzy as she looked up and saw the same soldier looking down at her, ready to end her. But in that same moment, she felt something pulling her away from him; the last thing she saw was Wanda looking down at her and then she closed her eyes.

____________________

Y/n opened her eyes and groaned at the bright light hitting right in her eyes. She looked around as she tried to figure out where she was. She turned to finally find Tony standing right beside her, apparently checking something as he hadn’t notice she had woken up.

“What happened?” Y/n asked in a whisper as she tried to sit down.

“Calm down there, bloody girl. You got yourself a good punch in the face. And also…” He turned to look at her. “You forgot your necklace. I didn’t waste my time for you to keep it here.”

Y/n sighed. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Tony shook his head. “It’s good, now we know what happens to you. I wasn’t there but judging by the cut on your cheek and you coming back asleep, I figured it by now.” He looked down at her and sighed. “There’s someone outside waiting for you, she has been waiting all night.” He said before he left the room and a redhead walked in, closing the door behind her.

“Wanda.” Y/n smiled softly.

“Hey you.” Wanda smiled as she walked to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

Y/n shrugged. “Better, I guess.” She then stared at her for a few seconds as she smiled. “You saved me. I remember seeing you before I passed out.”

Wanda nodded. “I couldn’t let you get more hurt when you were unconscious.”

Y/n nodded. “Yeah well…now everyone knows what happens to me.” She shrugged. “But…thank you. I just…I don’t know.” She chuckled softly.

“No problem.” Wanda smiled. “So…what happens now? Do you need a follow up or anything? Or-“

“No. I mean…I’ll try not to forget the necklace again which I know it’s gonna happen again if they keep calling us at 2 am in the morning.” She chuckled.

Wanda chuckled. “Well…I won’t mind saving your ass again.”

Y/n stare at Wanda without saying a word, not sure what she could exactly say after that. What did that mean? Though, she wouldn’t mind either if she got to be in her arms and- “Well then. I’ll hold you to that.”

____________________

And y/n wasn’t lying, she did forget about the necklace one in a while, when Natasha or Steve would suddenly wake her up in the middle of the night. Y/n made them promise that they wouldn’t say a thing to Tony because it was enough with the long talks they had gone through all this time. Steve said something about Tony trying to protect her, even thinking about doing a suit for her to help her out but y/n was okay with her own suit, didn’t need to be another Iron Man. But what really caught her attention, and really everyone’s attention in these accidents, was that Wanda never missed a mission with her, even if they hadn’t asked her to go, she would join them and she would always make sure y/n was okay, of course she would check if she had the necklace and if she hadn’t, she would make sure to protect her, forgetting there were other people to protect too.

Then, it started to becoming a routine to take y/n’s necklace for her or remind y/n about it, making a joke or just being serious with her, threatening that she would tell Tony about it. But how could she even care about it if Wanda was always there? They had grown close together and she felt bad to putting the necklace excuse just so Wanda could be there. But she also didn’t do in purpose.

After the training, y/n sat on the floor as she took deep breaths, trying to relax her body. It had been a while since she had joined the team and she felt that she was getting much better at fighting, she tried to put her focus on pushing away the thoughts and the trauma that still haunted her at times. She hadn’t noticed that Natasha had been looking at her the whole time, she waited for the right time to come to go and talk to her.

“Are you going to be like Steve that you’ll need like 10 punch bags?” Natasha asked as she walked to y/n and sat with her on the floor.

Y/n jumped a little as she looked at Natasha, chuckling softly. “Don’t have that strength but…wouldn’t be bad.” She smiled as she looked down at her hands.

“How’s the necklace thing going?”

“Better. Wanda won’t let me take it off anymore so I’m learning to sleep with it.” She took off the bandages from her hand and sighed. “If not, I’m gonna turn into Iron Woman if I don’t wear it anymore, sooner or later, Tony would find out.”

“Maybe so. Steve can’t keep a secret for long.” Natasha grinned. “Wanda has been behind your back for a while now, hasn’t she?”

“Yeah, she has. I know she’s…protecting me.” Y/n smiled at the memories and looked back at Natasha, furrowing her brows. “Why you ask?”

Natasha shrugged. “Oh…I don’t know. It’s new.” She said as she found a better position to sit. “Wanda didn’t really open up to just anyone. It took time before she started letting herself be with us. But the moment you came…she looked out for you. Maybe the age, maybe the similarities you both have…” She turned to look at her again. “I don’t know, but I’m glad.”

Y/n took a deep breath. “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

Y/n looked back down. “I like her…I did…I did notice that somehow we connected, or we just got along but…I don’t know if she feels the same way.” She chuckled nervously.

“You could easily find out.” Natasha smiled. “Just tell her, bloody girl, there’s nothing to lose.”

“Okay. You know what?” Y/n turned to look at Natasha. “It is annoying of you all calling me that. It is not my fault that I can’t handle blood.” She laughed along with Natasha. Natasha knew she was trying to avoid the truth, but she wouldn’t be the one to push.

____________________

The next few weeks, y/n never forgot her necklace, Wanda made sure of it. And even if she had her necklace with her, Wanda was always there to protect her and not let anyone hurt her. There was a moment where Steve decided she would let both of them rest a bit and they wouldn’t do missions, just a small break. Wanda was scared that maybe then y/n wouldn’t want her by her side anymore until they got back to missions, but that wasn’t it. They had spent day and night together, getting to know each other better and just enjoying time.

Wanda had offered a movie night with y/n in her room, to which y/n excitedly said yes. She had thought about what Natasha had said, she wouldn’t lose anything, or maybe even Wanda already knew about this, but she had decided to not say anything. She wasn’t really sure, but the only thing she knew is that she couldn’t lose Wanda, not now, not ever.

Y/n focused on the movie as she laid down with Wanda, both of them had somehow ended up in each other’s arms but they hadn’t minded a bit. There was a moment were Wanda looked up at her and couldn’t keep her eyes away. Y/n noticed this but enjoyed it for a little more as she thought it was cute and also it made her feel nervous, but mostly cute.

“I allow you to take a picture if you want to.” Y/n teased as she looked down at Wanda.

Wanda chuckled at this, not even ashamed that she had been caught. “Might take the chance then.” She smiled and bit her lip; but then the moment was ruined with Wanda’s phone ringing and a text from Natasha saying she needed them both to go on a mission. “I guess we have to go. Bucky and Peter are nowhere to be found.”

Y/n groaned but stood up with Wanda. “I guess we are the best on the team so they can’t leave us alone.”

Wanda chuckled and nodded. “Maybe so.” She turned to look at y/n. “Necklace?”

“Got it with me.” She showed it before they both left the room.

Both of them were quiet in the way to their destination, Nat kept staring at y/n, almost as if she wanted to talk with her eyes. Y/n just kept shocking her head and staring back at Wanda every now and then, not being able to bring any words up. Maybe after the mission it would be good to talk to her and tell her the truth.

As soon as they got there, they were informed that they needed to get a suitcase from inside, there were probably assassins around and they had to be careful. Wanda kept staring at y/n, not wanting to leave her side but knowing she had to follow Steve orders. Everything seemed to be alright at first, they had gotten in, no one around, seemed pretty easy which meant something was about to happen. And they were right; in a blink of a second, they had over 20 or more people attacking them. Wanda tried to stay as close to y/n as possible, but she then had to leave her side for a second and that’s when it got even worse.

Y/n hadn’t noticed there was someone behind her who kicked her right in the back of her knee, making her scream from the pain and falling to the ground. When y/n turned around, her eyes widened with fear, trying to crawl back and get away from the person in front of her.

“Oh, sweet y/n…why are you so afraid?” The women in black asked as she kept walking closer to y/n, a wicked smile plastered in her face. “Didn’t you miss me?” She kicked y/n again, causing y/n to fall back, she felt the blood streaming from her nose again as she stared up. “Oh…I see. You’re not weak anymore? Why would that be?”

“G-Get away.” Y/n whispered in terror as she tried to crawl back, but the woman’s heel was right in her abdomen, making her unable to move for the pain.

“I don’t really want to.” She leaned down and took y/n necklace and stared at it. “This little toy keeps you from being weak? How pathetic.” She crashed it in her hands and punched y/n right in the face, not having any mercy on her.

As soon as Wanda helped Steve, she turned around and freaked out when she didn’t see y/n, until she heard the screams, filling her head as she looked around scared. “Steve…is y/n.” She turned to look at him.

“Go!” He yelled as he ran inside with Nat.

Wanda ran as fast as she could and gasped for the scene in front of her eyes. With one movement, she sent the woman flying against a wall, not caring about what happened to her. Wanda pulled y/n and knelt down until y/n was in her lap.

“Y/n? P-Please, say something.” She had tears in her eyes as she placed her hand on her cheek. She could feel how she was in pain and her mind was slowly clouding with nothing but darkness. She could feel how scared she was, the fear filling her whole body.

“I…the…t-the n-neckla-“ she coughed blood as she stared up at Wanda.

“I know. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” Wanda cried as she moved y/n to her side. “You’ll be okay.” She nodded rapidly. “Steve, Natasha, tell me you have it, we need to go, y/n is hurt, badly.”

“Take her to the Quinjet, we are meeting you there.”

Wanda looked down at y/n. “Please, stay with me, you can’t just…look at me.”

Y/n looked up at her. “’m sorry…” she closed her eyes slowly.

“Y/n!”

____________________

“You’re saying they crashed the necklace?” Tony asked as she stood beside Wanda.

“Apparently, but…it wasn’t the blood anymore. It was…she was scared. She was in pain.” Wanda sighed as she looked at Tony.

“Well, I got some news for you, witchy.” He turned to look at her. “Y/n lost the necklace 2 months ago. I noticed because the one she was wearing, was fake one. She tried to fool us, but she couldn’t fool me.” He looked back at y/n through the glass and shrugged. “She found something or someone else to help her.”

Wanda stared at him for a while until he left, and left Wanda thinking what he had said. She stared at her through the glass as she tried to get her thoughts in order and figure out what he had really meant. She noticed y/n moving and she decided to go in and check on her. Y/n looked at Wanda and smiled.

“Hey, sleepy head.” Wanda smiled. Y/n moved a little to leave some space for Wanda to sit, groaning a little. “Hey, try not to move too much. You were hurt pretty badly.”

“I know.” She groaned as she laid her head back. She turned to look at Wanda and smiled. “Thank you.”

Wanda only nodded as she looked down at her hands. “I’m sorry about your necklace.”

Y/n shrugged. “Steve said he would give me a break from missions so. He better be telling the truth now.” She chuckled quietly, her hand going to her abdomen.

“Maybe if you told the truth, he would too.” Wanda said quietly almost to herself.

Y/n furrowed her brows. “What does that mean?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the necklace?” Wanda looked back at y/n. “It was fake, you lost it. Why would you lie about that? What if something really bad happened to you?”

“Wanda-“

“Don’t. This was proof of what can happen if you don’t have the necklace. She couldn’t have broken the necklace that easily, but I cared more about you than what happened to that. Why didn’t you tell me?” Wanda now had tears in her eyes, remembering how badly injured she had ended up.

Y/n shrugged. “I lost it, it’s true. I…I didn’t want anyone to get mad at me, so I got one that looked just the same. I couldn’t have you worrying or Tony yelling at me for it.”

“But look what happened. You could’ve…you-“

“Wanda, nothing happened to me cause you were there.”

It was Wanda’s turn to furrow her brows. “What?”

“You…” y/n sighed. “it’s you. You have been helping me all of these months. The necklace have been lost for 5 months now. I didn’t even have it with me for not even two months.” She tilted her head. “You are my necklace. You helped me in someway to not freak out or slowly get this fear away. It’s not gone, I still get dizzy, but you being there, holding my hand, holding me…” she smiled. “it’s what keeps me okay.”

Wanda shook her head in disbelief. “But how…I just-“

Y/n shrugged. “I don’t think I can explain it in any other way, I just know that… you being by my side makes all fear go. I know I was scared last night, I know I was filled with fear because I didn’t know what she was going to do next. And it wasn’t for me, it wasn’t for the blood…I was scared that you would get hurt.”

Wanda’s face softened at her words, bringing her hand up to y/n’s cheeks. “You still could’ve told me this.”

“I was a coward, I didn’t know what to say.” She chuckled.

“You could’ve said that you liked me. Easy as that.” Wanda teased as she smiled.

“I do.”

Wanda tilted her head. “What? I was…I was joking.”

“I’m not.” Y/n smiled. “I…I like you, Wanda. More than I should. And I am sorry if this ruins the moment and everything but…it’s true. I like you. Maybe that’s another reason of why you help me.”

Wanda smiled softly at this and shook her head. “It doesn’t ruin it.” She leaned down and stopped just a few inches away from her face. “Not at all.” She whispered against her lips before she tangled y/n into a loving kiss.

Y/n smiled against her lips. “So, you’re not mad anymore?” She whispered.

Wanda shook her head. “No, if you promise you won’t keep anything from me anymore.”

“I promise.” Y/n smiled as she looked right into her eyes.

“But there is someone else that might be mad at you. And you do not mention the 5 months. He thinks it’s been 2 months.” Wanda shrugged as she laughed.

Y/n laughed. “Okay, that’s between us and us only.” She grinned.

Wanda smiled. “I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore. Not even a drop of blood.”

Y/n giggled. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“That’s a promise, bloody girl.” She smirked as she pecked her lips.

“Don’t you dare, not you too!” Y/n exclaimed as Wanda laughed uncontrollably, knowing it would annoy her. But y/n wouldn’t care anymore if it meant Wanda would laugh again.

[malebodyinvasion]

Possessing my Sons

Disclaimer:  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner.

It has been 5 years since my wife died and I spent all those years drowning myself into different jobs just to provide a life of luxury for our two sons. Unbeknownst to me, the gap in our bond widens. I rarely stay at home and when I can, I expected some father and son bonding but both of my sons are occupied by their own plans. I also discovered that this two is not in good terms over a damn video game. I didn't expect them to be this childish, especially Dan who is the eldest. He should be considerate of his younger brother Jan. This hurts my heart. They are brothers, they should love and respect each other.

To deal with my growing stress and depression, I masturbate multiple times a day be it at home or work. However within these past few months, I'm having trouble getting hard and my cum is lesser than what I consider normal. I consulted a doctor and I was told I am having an erectile dysfunction. This crumble my world. The only other thing which kept me sane for all those years is now gone. This hurt me further. 

I was kind of bored these past few days, I decided to look at some of our old stuff in the garage. I found an amulet and a century-old-looking book among my late wife's belonging. Reading the book's cover, it appears to be a family heirloom. My curiosity hits me and I read it further. It was a compilation of spells that can be used with the amulet. I always knew that my wife have a talent but not this much! The body possession spell caught my attention. According to the footnote, the possessing soul could make certain decisions that would reflect towards the host’s mind and body to think that those actions are done under their own volition. This may help me to know more about my sons so I could be a better father and adjust to their needs physically and mentally, and possibly put a remedy towards their brotherly fight.

I hurriedly clean all the mess in the garage and climbed into my room upstairs. I put the amulet around my neck and followed the book's instructions. Few seconds after reading the spell ten times, I felt droopy and closed my eyes. I started to feel light as if I have no weight. When I open my eyes, I was kissing the ceiling. I am floating! I turn my back around and saw my body below me, sleeping peacefully. I practiced hovering inside my room and quickly mastered moving as a spirit. I tried touching some objects but my limbs keep on passing through them. After more tries, I managed to move my book over the table. It seems I could only lift up to few kilograms but it will do.

I should check Jan first. I dove into the floor, passing through it swiftly. Below my room is the living room where I found Jan. He was lying on the sofa while rubbing his hands over his bulge. Is he masturbating? I moved closer and saw his member mightily stood up under his shorts. Apparently Jan doesn't wear any garments underneath his shorts. He furiously massaged his growing member and I'm so envious. This is the perfect time to try possessing him. 

I concentrated in front of my younger son. Jan's body repeatedly arched up and down as I was being pulled toward his smaller frame. I could feel my ghostly limbs and head rearranged itself over his flesh. Moments later, I realized I am now in control. I raised Jan's hands and touched his cute face. Then I quickly grasped his hard dick. I missed this kind of feeling. 

I picked up his phone from the floor which fell down when I'm possessing him. I searched through his memory for the password and successfully open it. I was shocked. Jan is watching a gay porn from a popular website! I didn't know he is interested in this kind of thing. I'm not against it or anything but he could talk to me about it. 

I read further into his brain and learned that he was closeted until Dan discovered it. They didn't fought over a video game but instead over Jan's attempt to secretly give his brother a blowjob! Even me would be surprised if that suddenly happens. Those thoughts enraged my excitement and more blood was pushed into Jan's dick making it longer and bigger. I was amazed. It is already as same size as mine and Jan just hit puberty! I grasped my hands around his shaft and continued his interrupted masturbation. I moved my hands up and down as my body followed. My borrowed muscles tensed up and the fabric became wet as cum passes through it. It's so euphoric, comparable to my body.

Almost an hour had passed when I decided to leave Jan's body. I really enjoyed playing with his member. I hope he doesn't mind me using his body more often. This time, it's Dan's turn to be possessed. If Jan had such impressive member, I wonder how awesome is Dan's. He's a jock after all. 

I swam up through the air towards Dan's room upstairs. I saw him only in his underwear and doing some push-ups. I could see his well-endowed arms as he lifted his own weight. His bulge presses against the floor every time he lean downwards. I couldn't tell if it's erect or not. If it is, I'm up for a disappointment. 

I moved above him and noticed a video camera over his bed. It seems he's recording his routine. Oh, it would be a nice idea to see how it looks like to be possessed. I concentrated and was sucked into Dan. He shouted loudly due to the shock. He probably noticed that something hit him unlike Jan. His body squirms around as I positioned myself inside him. And done! 

I stood up and tried to regain my balance. I was amazed by his well-built body. I flexed his arms and legs, touched his pecs and abs. Very sexy. My ideal body when I was still a teenager. I pulled the waist band of Dan's underwear and I was welcome by his already erect cock. I started to feel bad for him. His member is less impressive than Jan. I cannot see why Jan would like to suck this. It's decent but... never mind. It sounds like I’m mocking myself and I’m not any better.

I heard a loud knock by the door, and I could hear Jan's voice from the other side. He's asking what happened. He might have heard Dan’s scream when I entered his older brother’s body. I know! I got an idea. This might be a perfect chance to see if this tool could go better... and have their relationship fixed.

I opened the door and Jan's jaw dropped with the sight of his older brother. I pulled him inside Dan's room and pressed him against the door. I groped Jan's cock and whispered to his ear, "May be you could help this older brother of yours how to make mine this big?”

[shyrose57]

YOO BROTHERS ANON BACK FROM THE DEAD? My phone started to fucking die half way (like extreme lag, keyboard stopped working at times, sudden shut offs, etc) and I was too scared to work on this in fear it'd get deleted. But im fucking back and have a new phone so I was able to finally finish. Plus after I finished the Brothers AU stuff I decided I hated Tip of The Iceburg AU lore and wanted to redo it so held off til I got that mostly done. I'm also trying to redo From Future to Past a lil bit but thats going slowly and decided I already waited way to long. Some other stuff happened as well like falling out of the fandom (Breath of The Wild and Linked Universe I got into and am actually still kinda in) then getting tossed back in but, anyway there's some smaller details I left out of Rans time living in the wild but everything here is the big stuff. 

Keep in mind most of this happens when he's just 13. And he never acknowledges or treats his trauma, leaving it to build and affect him more and more over time. 

When Ran first steps out of Mizu and into the world, he has nothing but a sword at his back and a book with little information on how to survive at his hip. The book really only provides him how to make certain things (like tools) and some basic information (Spiders are passive in daytime, how to farm, and basic information about each nether biome). The book acts more like a brief overview of the overworld and little information on how to survive than an actual survival book. Because of this the book is basically useless, Ran eventually uses it as a way of marking down notes and ripping out papers to cover wounds and tie things. He quickly learns that sleeping in high places (like a tree or a hole in a mountain) is the safest possible place to sleep, as no mobs or people can get him. Though due to the nights of constant screaming from mobs, his own internal fighting, and eventual hunting, he develops insomnia and paranoia. Leaving him unable to close his eyes in fear of being ambushed, believing himself to be forever unsafe and in danger. When he does manage to sleep he keeps his weapons nearby (like in his hand or under his pillow) and jumps awake at the slightest sound. 

He moves around constantly, never staying in one place for more than 2 weeks. He eventually finds a snow biome and after seeing the little amount of mobs and knowing the snow is to deep for any sane human to try to travel through, he decides to stay there for a entire year and a half before moving again. During this time he grows both physically and mentally. He goes from being a small, lithe 5'5 13 year old to being a strong 6'7 15 year old. He also uses this time to come to terms with what happened and swear revenge against Ranbob for everything he's been through and everyone who's died. Even when Ran came to terms with what his brother did, the promise "Ill never abandon you." Continues to ring in his head, which does nothing but fuel his hatred, believing his brother has been lying to him ever since he was a child. While also growing his knowledge on the world and his survival knowledge, becoming an almost perfect survivalist. 

When he was first alone and dealing with all the emotions brought upon him, he finds out he's hunted very suddenly. He first approached Raq (who he didn't know at the time) when he was desperate and fresh out of Mizu, asking him if there's any nearby town or city or really anything. Raq pretends to want to help Ran and let's him stay at his camp, giving him food and a warm place to sleep. But its 2 full days later, deep in the night when Raq finally trys to attack him, aiming to incapacitate him. But Ran is able to escape him and run away but not without a injury. 

During the fight Raq manages to hit him, specifically on his left ear. He manages to cut deep, but not deep enough, leaving the top of his ear just barely hanging on. Ran runs away and actually has a bit of a head start due to him tripping Raq. But Raq manages to follow/track him, due to the blood flowing out of Rans ear. Ran eventually realizes Raq is tracking him by the blood trail he's leaving, so he stops, steals himself, and rips off the remaining part of his ear, barely holding back a yell, then Ran pushes his hand down on the wound and continues to run. Raq finds the ear and simply hums, intrigued by the lengths Ran will go to escape, before turning around, deciding to let Ran escape this time, because he knows he'll see him again. Ran continues to run, terrified and borderline crying due to the fear and pain. For the next 3 days he believes he is still being followed by Raq so he continues to run, never resting until he eventually collapses from exhaustion. His ear eventually heals over but never grows back, it becomes a reminder of the fact he is being constantly hunted by people and will never escape them. 

Ran encounters Raq a total of 32 times during his time living out in the wild. And every time Ran manages to get away, though sometimes more injured than others. Eventually it gets to the point Raq greets Ran like a old friend. After their 3rd encounter Raq starts to bring others with him, eventually he has 5 others helping him hunt Ran. Though Ran grows and is able to either outwit them by using traps or is just simply able to avoid them most of the time. Though he still gets hit at times, once he made a mistake and a trap failed, leading to him getting stabbed and passing out cause blood loss.

The Nether is less than kind to Ran but kinder than the overworld. He gets shot a lot from both ghasts and skeletons. And almost falls into lava multiple times. He gets stabbed and trips more times than he can count. But he actually manages to make acquaintance with the Piglins he meets due to him being polite to them and giving them gold for nothing in return. He actually is close enough to them to get directions for free and is even given resistance potions when Ran states he is leaving and not coming back as a farewell and stay safe gift. He ends up staying in the Nether for much longer than a normal person would and becomes adapt at traversing and surviving in it. It almost becomes his safe spot because the hunters have never followed him into the Nether. He would've lived there if he could, but due to the heat he isn't used too and the fact he just despised Ghasts more than the hunters, and they were everywhere in there, he didn't stay. But would often vist. Eventually he found netherite which he quickly covered his first and only diamond sword with. His sword also had the enchantments, sharpness 2, unbreaking 3, and sweaping edge. Over time and use the enchantments dimmed, only faintly remaining. At this point Ran had to flee his snow biome house due to a sudden attack, leaving behind the materials he needed to fix the enchantments and his sword. So he abandoned using it, but kept it cause it helped him through years of fighting, he can't exactly drop and leave it.

Extra stuff I couldn't find a way to fit in:

-Ran manages to find a village but actually gets kicked out cause he punches the blacksmith for upping the price of an iron sword.

-Ran slowly grows more cold, uncaring, rude, and harsh over time due to trauma. He doesn't realize he became this way due to untreated trauma until he arrives to The Pit where Watson is able to help him start to slowly heal. Which is why he becomes more open and joking in The Pit because he feels safe and loved. 

-When the group leaves The Pit he becomes cold and hard again due to habit. Its his way of subconsciously defending himself.

-His body is covered in scars due to the hunters and his brushes with mobs. 

-Ran knows how to tailor his own clothes and has made many different kinds of clothes, all designed for certain biomes. 

-Ran never farmed, he always hunted.

-Ran never really built anything, instead he preferred to dig into the side of a mountain or make shelter in a cave. Its only in the snow biome did he actually build a house. And even then it was very clearly meant to be a temporary house. Though he did end up living there longer than he intended. 

-He was at first extremely reluctant to kill, but was forced to kill hunters and animals multiple times. To the point he became almost numb to it and wouldn't hesitate to kill if he was threatened. 

-He would sometimes dream about his family only for it to end with them being slaughtered, which really messed him up and he would just lay in bed mindlessly every time it happened. These dreams still happen. 

Also a edit to when the brothers met in the Pit, Ran actually gets his hands on a broken trident accidentally left in the arena (its the front end only, and the middle spike is shorter than the rest due to a error when being made) and ends up tripping Ranbob then stabbing the trident into the ground over him (if that makes sense?), actually trapping Ranbob, with the middle spike just above his throat, leaving him unable to move unless he wants to cut his neck and trapped on the ground. 

Tip of The Iceburg:

So Karl's watch is still damaged. And Isaac is still the one to convince him to seek help from the others. But midway through the meeting Phil speaks up, mentioning how he found a book in a ruined village that had a replica of Karl's Watch etched into the cover, but is in a language he's never seen. After passing it around the table no one recognizes it. Everyone's discouraged until Foolish suggests they look for the other Travelers (what ima call the Tales people) and maybe one of them will know. Eventually, with picture pinning of supposedly who could be in their world, they all split off into groups to look. Ran is still the first found, but when he's shown the book he actually confirms a part of it is in a old enderman language that fell off long ago, he's able to translate half of that section but says that Ranbob, who studied old languages much more thoroughly than Ran can do the rest (cause here their still brothers but nothing in Brothers AU happened). Giving everyone hope. Eventually Ranbob gets found and translates the rest, but a great amount is still untranslated, which is a problem. So now its a journey of finding more people and mixing languages to find out the rest. 

A sudden twist to the story happens when Billiam joins, and due to his experience with the egg is actually able to translate a random page in the back of the book (the egg made its own language to prevent its plans being discovered). Where they find out the egg is what broke Karls watch, because to it humans are nothing but entertainment, and it gets joy seeing them suffer and wants to mess with their lives. When it gets revealed to the rest of the SMP what the page says, everyone gets pissed. And even when its found how to get the Travelers home they refuse to leave until the egg is destroyed, a few are mad at it and want revenge, others are scared and want to try to prevent it from coming into their time. Karl eventually relents and lets them join in making a plan to take down the egg.  

Also have some fluff scenarios with the brothers since its been a while:

-There's two types of resistance potions in their world, fire resistance and water resistance. The latter of which the brothers have memorized how to make. Their friends do not know water resistance exists. Which leads to the brothers pranking their friends by drinking some then jumping into a lake. Giving Watson a heartattack and making Isaac sob. The two quickly reemerge seeing their reactions and calm them and reassure them. After the explanation you can bet they got a talking too and where grounded. 

-Ran teaches Ranbob to fight!

-Ranbob teaches Ran to fish, Ran complains the entire time. 

-Ranbob responds by threatening to teach Ran how to farm. Ran stops complaining after that….mostly

-Everyone has found the brothers either asleep against each other or one asleep on the other at least twice. 

-*insert Arthur get out of the tank meme but instead it's Ranbob trying to get Ran out of a tree so he can greet people.*

-Ran has his first night in years without a nightmare! 

Now something else I'm planning to work on soon: What happened to Ranbob after Ran left Mizu?

I hope me sending stuff is still ok after so long of sending nothing. 

Good to have you back, Brothers Anon! And sorry to hear about your phone, that sounds like it must've a day.

--------

Brothers AU:

I see we're back to Traumatize The Brothers Time, fantastic.

The fact that Ran has these items on him is interesting. Did he just have them with him when he was fleeing? Did he have the time to grab them? Was he preparing ahead? What led to him having these useful tools on hand when he was forced to flee?

How does he fare with mobs, being a mob hybrid himself? I think it's somewhat been implied that he's good with Endermen, but what about others?

How do the gladiator gang go about helping with his insomnia and paranoia, if they are aware of it?

What's it like for him during his time in the snow-biome, since he's there for awhile? Does he make a more-permanent camp/shelter? Do anything particularly interesting?

Poor Ran! That must've been quite the shock for him, and I imagine it didn't help his trust issues.

How does he get to the Nether? Does he have a base there? What do the piglins think of him, and vice versa? How does the Nether life effect him overall?

What happened to those materials left behind? Where they discovered? Does he manage to go back and get them on the roadtrip? Do they visit his homes on the trip?

How does the group react to his sudden change when they're leaving? What kind of clothes does he make? Does he ever make some for the others? Does he enjoy it, or is it just because it's necessary?

How do the fishermen feel about the close call with the trident, and what happens to the weapon?

------------

Tip Of the Iceberg:

I don't remember if this was mentioned before, but was it Karl's watch that caused the issue then? Who wrote the book? Does the egg have a connection with them?

How do they fare with their plans to take down the Egg(and potentially the Eggpire, if that's a thing here)? How do those with previous experience with Egg feel about this, and what part do they play?

--------

Fluff! At long last!

I love how their thought process went to that. 'We can make water resistance potions, lets jump in a lake in front of our friends'.

That sounds like it should be entertaining.

Ranbob knows how to farm?

That's such a funny mental image. 'Ran, get out of the tree, you have to socialize'. 'Hissing'.

Yay, good for him!

Ooo, what?

Always.

[operation-619]

Satan’s Angel

Johnny Storm x WOC!Reader

Summary: She was hidden from the world at the age of 16 when something within her awoke. Something demonic. But she has her brother to hold onto when things start to get worse, because he’s there for her. Right?

warnings: language, blood, violence, mentions of medical problems. mentions of needles, abuse and torture. 18+

WC: 2.2K

masterlist I Chapter 2

So I wrote this ack in my Quotev days, and I decided to edit it - because it was atrociously written. And I’m now posting it on here so I hope you enjoy my loves 

-619x

The world has never been in my favour, I realise that now.

I should’ve realised it years ago.

But standing here looking my estranged brother in the eyes; I finally realise that the world has led me on a path that had to end this way, no matter how hard I tried to swerve and dodge the upcoming circumstance, I would always end up staring at my brothers empty eyes, with my hand deep in his chest.

Killing him. Killing my brother.

She sat there, waiting for the pain to embrace her like a long-lost cousin. She knew it was time; her heart was spasming, she could hardly breathe. Her eyes were watery, tears sliding down her face.

Yet she sat there at the edge of her bed staring out the window that occupied the whole wall opposite her bed. She could see the mountains from her bed so clearly. It was as if she was there.

If she was there.

Her chest moved erratically, her cheeks soaked with tears, yet she sat calmly; pondering, wondering, daydreaming about a life outside these four walls that kept her trapped in her own mind.

A mind that kept her sane and crazy all at the same time. She would dream up stories of a handsome young prince saving her with a fiery kiss. Or most times it was a nightmare, a world made of purple skies and vibrant green grass, set aflame; with bodies lying across the ground as she ran with some man, her hand in his so he wouldn’t lose her, the other hand on her belly housing a precious creature. She never got the end of the nightmare because she would wake up just before a monster jumped on top of her.

She would always jolt up, sweat weighing heavy on her skin, a scream rising up her throat along with bile and the feeling on nostalgia. She hated how she knew the place she was dreaming of yet couldn’t place a finger on it.

Before she could ponder anymore, she felt the first flicker of pain, it started at the bottom of her spine, and oh-so painfully started to spread across the rest of her rigid body. She drew in a ragged breath as the pain wrapped a hand around her heart and squeezed. She clenched her eyes shut tight and tried soothe her breathing, but the hand around her heart squeezed harder. She gasped out in pain and rolled forward; landing on the floor on her knees as her hand started to scrape at her chest, desperately trying to remove the hand off of her heart. It was as if it was laughing at her attempts because next thing she knew, the hand squeezed so hard she fell forward onto her hand and screamed.

She screamed so loudly, black dots clouded her vision and danced around her. Her throat felt sore, but she didn’t stop.

She couldn’t.

Her body shook as sobs replaced the screaming in a matter of seconds. She hated this, for the past eight years it just seems to be getting worse. Ever since she surpassed her sixteenth birthday, all it has ever been was pain, pain and pain. It was tenfold as worse as it used to be. Before her sixteenth birthday it was like a build up to the pain she was feeling now. Minor headaches, to migraines, to temperatures either too hot or too cold. No one knew what was wrong with her. Not even the best doctors’ money could buy. And if it wasn’t for Victor she wouldn’t be here, with round the clock care to make sure she is okay, she knew that he loved her even though he wasn’t around as much as he used to be. She knew.

Of course, he loves you. Your all he’s got, and vice-versa.

The thoughts echoed around her head, bouncing painfully off her head.

The vibrations of the floor let her know that the people were on their way.  Moments later she felt her body being lifted from the floor, she felt herself slump against the broad chest of some man, she given up fighting against the pain and just let it take over her system. She couldn’t stop the tears, the echoed the lack of control she had over her own body as the gushed down her paling face.

“Hush now, close your eyes. I’ve got you.” The deep voice vibrated through her body, it felt oddly familiar and through all the pain she managed to look up into the familiar blue eyes of her brother.

“Vic- “her words fell short as she lost the energy to speak, instead she used all her energy to place her hand onto his smooth cheek.

“Hush, it’s okay. I’m here now.” With that statement she let her eyes roll to the back of her head, as the pain drowned her in its last tidal wave.

  Victor released a long ‘huff’ as he stopped at another traffic light. He regretted coming back to New-York at 14:00 pm when the streets would be busy with the afternoon rush. He rhythmically tapped his fingers against the arms rest and looked on through the divider, he smirks as he saw his driver’s hand gripping the wheel tightly out of frustration too.

His attention was quickly drawn to his phone when he heard the ringtone brake through the silence in the car; reaching into his jacket he removed his phone from the inside pocket of his black Louis Vuitton suit jacket.

‘Her vitals are erratic again; she’s going to go into Comatose. But I think it’s best if you came over. You can get the samples you need.’

The text message was all he needed for him to clear his throat and say;

“Michael, turn back around to the airport, please. We’re going to visit my sister.” With a nod from Michael, the car was swiftly turned around and quickly driven back to the airport. He sent a text to his pilot, telling him to ready the helicopter that will bring him to the facility he has in the Alps, which is coincidentally where he is keeping his sister.

Victors blue eyes grew stormy as he remembered how much pain his sister has been through in the past few years, the undiagnosed tantrums her body would throw sent his sister into an unbreakable cycle of pain and then unconsciousness. He knew deep down that one day she’ll have an episode that she won’t concur.

He remembers the first time it happened; he was stepping through his front door. He barley even had time to take his jacket off before he heard a scream that made his blood curl, rushing upstairs he was met with a sight that had the breath taken out of him, there hunched on the bed was his sister.

Head clasped between her hands, nails digging into her skin as if she was trying to peel her own skin off, her lower face was covered in blood from her nose, and her eyes were screaming for help, for an escape that she was so desperately seeking.

Victor rushed forward and attempted to prise her hands off her head. But was met with a force that had him crashing into wall next to the door. He looked up and saw his sister looking at him with unnatural black eyes and a hand pointed towards him with her palm open. Her eyelids fluttered before they were back to their normal hue.

“Help me…” her voice came out hoarse and timid before she convulsed onto the ground.

Surging forward Victor managed to catch her head just in time before it hit the corner of the bed frame. His vision was blurry as he looked at his sister, her head cradled in his lap as he tried to steady her from the excessive shaking.

His ears picked up the sirens and then the sound of the door getting thrown open as paramedics came rushing upstairs.

Yet he couldn’t move, his body wasn’t registering what was actually happening.  

Their voices all became mumbled as he watched them pry her out of his grip, he tried to speak but his mouth wouldn’t move it just stayed there, hanging open like a fool.

He continued to stare at the group of paramedics struggling to hold his sister still as he felt two pairs of hands under his arms to haul him up.

‘Come on son.’ The voice sounded so distant and foreign to him as he let the two strangers support his weight as it appeared his own legs couldn’t do that. He hazily watched as the world around him moved without some much of a struggle. Next thing he knew he was sat on the curb with a blanket wrapped around him. Apparently for the shock.

Fuck that.

His head snapped to the side as he heard the shouting of the paramedics as the rushed his unconscious sister out of the house; one split off from the group and came over to him.

“Are you the boyfriend?” Victor shook his head, eyes trained on his sisters’ body being hauled into the back of the ambulance.

“Brother,” he managed to rasp out.

“Okay then that’s even better. Can you tell me anything about her?” His eyes stayed trained on his sister as the paramedics sorted her out in the back, the doors were wide open so he could see what they were doing.

“Yeah, yeah.” He numbly nodded. Half listening to what the man was saying.

“Any mental illness, inherited disorders from the family?” Victor continued to shake his head; the man continued asking questions, but they all had the same answer. A shake of the head from Victor Von-Doom.

“Okay can you tell me how old she is?” Victor looked down at his Rolex, his eyebrows furrowed in sadness when he realised what day it was. The watch read back 03:45am.

“October 31st, she turned sixteen forty-five minutes ago.” He finally looked over at the paramedic and noticed how young he really was, said paramedics face contorted into a look of unease. Victor sent him a look of confusion which lead to the boy looking away.

“Sorry sir, it’s just three am is considered the ‘witching hour’ in my religion, and it clashes with it being Halloween today as well- ‘the paramedic turned around and noticed the look on Victors face and cleared his throat- ‘Sorry sir. Happy birthday to her, you can ride with her if you wish.”

And with that the young boy scurried off.

Looking out the window, Victor noticed they were about to touch down on the landing pad. Exhaling unsteadily, he rolled his shoulders back preparing himself what was to come.

If only he knew.

  The steady, rhythmic beeping of the EKG machine soothed Victors heart as he stood by the window and looked out onto the scenery that was suspiciously calming. Now he understood why his sister made him replace the tiny window for this huge one. It was once a wall, but with the extra light and the view it made the room less constricting, less likely of a panic attack for her.

“Hey.” The soft voice barley reached his ears, but he heard it and he couldn’t be happier. Spinning around he marched to her side and plonked himself down onto the chair that he’d been sat in for the past fourteen hours.

“Name?”

“(Y/N) Von-Doom. Victor?”

“No, Birthday?” “Monday, October Thirty-first, three am. Victor please.”

“Favourite person in the world?”

“Steve Harvey.”

“Hey, what happened to it being me”

“You wouldn’t shut up. Your making my head hurt Victor.” She raised a hand to rub her temple, only to hiss in pain as her muscles burned. Tears clouded her vison as she remembered what happened.

“Did anyone get hurt?” She was met with a ‘no’ from her brother. She mumbled a response that Victor couldn’t hear. He watched her as she looked out the window; eyes glassed over and distant, like she was somewhere else.

“I can’t do this anymore,” her voice was quiet, lacking emotion. It caused Victors heart to beat faster. He couldn’t let her go. Not now.

“(Y/N)?”

“I mean, here. Here in this room. Because these episodes are getting stronger, I can feel it. I probably won’t survive the next one. Or fuck, the one after that. Who knows Victor. I need to leave, get out of here. I don’t care where, I just need to leave.” Her sobs grew louder as did the EKG machine, he tried to soothe her, but it only grew worse.

Doctors and nurse appeared in a matter of minutes, they checked the vitals and the machine only to see her hysterically crying.

“Ma’am, you need to calm down for me please.” The nurse’s voice was sweet, almost taunting to (Y/N). She sighed when the girls crying grew louder. Nodding towards the older man in a pair of grey scrubs she quickly caught (Y/N)’s attention as the Doctor came forward and injected her with a mild sedative.

With in seconds the room grew quite as they all watched (Y/N)’s eyes close slowly.

Just before she went completely under; Victor cupped her cheek.

“I need you. So, I promise I’ll find out what’s going on. You’ll get out of here soon. I promise.”

He watched her eyes close completely and looked out of the window, leaning back against the chair he spoke one last time before closing his eyes:

“I promise.”

——

Chapter 2

[limjaeseven]

Find You (6/8)

VERSE 2: PART 6 OF 8

Pairing: Jinyoung X Jaebeom ft Seulgi of Red Velvet

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 1,974

Summary: Jaebeom tries to apologise to Jinyoung, but what happens when the younger doesn't accept the apology?

Warning(s): sad/angry JJP

It felt like fate was laughing at Jaebeom as he tried everything he could to get in touch with Jinyoung. The guilt just magnified so much more as he felt what it must have been like in Jinyoung’s shoes while he was hospitalised.

He saw Jinyoung on the news every couple of days, the film had become quite a big hit and people had been curious about the fresh face in it. Jinyoung looked like he was excited about the success of the film and his future in the industry but only Jaebeom knew his smile didn’t really reach his eyes, having known the man all his life.

Mark was helpful in getting updates about Jinyoung since he had joined the same agency as Jinyoung after college. He told Jaebeom about how miserable Jinyoung had been in the four months he had been admitted and recovering, about how he never left the house and spent his free time crying.

It took a week after the premiere for Jaebeom to muster enough courage to show up at Jinyoung’s door. It felt like he was eighteen again, his breath still smelling of alcohol after that first fight they had in high school. He sighed heavily as he pressed his fingers against the doorbell, not hard enough to ring it. After ten minutes of panicking and almost leaving twice, he finally let himself ring the bell, knowing that he would have to finally face Jinyoung.

Seeing Jinyoung’s messy hair and bloodshot eyes made Jaebeom forget all the excuses he’d come up with to tell the younger. He looked like he had lost a significant amount of weight, his skin pale and forehead creased.

“Hyung?” The shock in Jinyoung’s voice was clear and it hurt Jaebeom.

“Jinyoungie”

“You don’t want me and that’s okay” Jinyoung chanted, as if he had trained himself to say that if he met Jaebeom ever again. The tears welled up immediately in both their eyes, for two very different reasons.

“I’m so sorry Jinyoung, I didn’t mean to disappear like that, I’m so sorry” Jaebeom chanted over and over again but Jinyoung didn’t seem to be hearing a single word the elder was saying.

“You don’t want me and that’s okay”

“No it’s not Jinyoung. I love you, so much, I messed up. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I’m so incredibly sorry” Jinyoung seemed to snap out of head at that. Looking down at Jaebeom, his eyes narrowed and nothing short of anger took over his mind.

“Where were you for so long? Do you know how worried I was? I went to your apartment and they said you’d moved out. What happened to us being best friends, hyung?” Jaebeom didn’t know how to answer the younger, he couldn’t tell him the truth, that much he knew, but he couldn’t let go of Jinyoung either. He had to take full responsibility for breaking his heart, he just hoped he would forgive him like last time.

“You’re still my best friend Jinyoung, but life was happening, I didn’t have time to think about anything, Seulgi was the only reason I am alive and sane. You know how I am, remember how it was like when I was editing Icarus?” He lied through his teeth and he knew he’d have to pay for it someday but Jaebeom would do anything to keep Jinyoung happy.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t give me a single call or tell me you’re moving! I had to ask Seulgi to give you my premiere tickets because I couldn’t find you. I wanted you on set so bad, I wanted you to be with me as I shot my first professional movie. I was there for you when it mattered to you, but when it was something for me, that mattered to me, you were nowhere to be seen. How is that something a best friend does, hyung?” Jinyoung spewed words that hurt and Jaebeom deserved them, he thought.

“I was there at the premiere” Jaebeom muttered.

“So I hadn’t just made that up had I? But you weren’t there during the screening were you? I waited for so long hyung, and all you did was show up after everything was over, and you don’t even have a proper excuse for it. If I don’t matter to you, say it clearly. Say it so that I don’t get my hopes up again, say it so that I don’t wait for you to call me back, say it so that I don’t wait for you, forever” Angry tears rolled down Jinyoung’s cheeks as he tried his best to keep himself together.

“I need space. Last time I let you go way too easily, we were kids back then. I need some time to think about things, hyung. I’ll call you” Is all Jinyoung said before shutting the door in Jaebeom’s face.

Jaebeom didn’t remember how he got home, he just remembered that the moment he stepped in he said the words ‘we’re over’ before collapsing onto his bed. He didn’t remember how much he cried, all he knew was that he would fall asleep every few hours and wake up to cry some more. It took him over two days to finally get out of bed and eat some food, drink some water.

He knew it wasn’t really his fault and that telling Jinyoung would basically solve everything but he shut that thought down as soon as it came to him. The damage that it would do would be so much worse. He realised then what a horrible person he was to leave Seulgi, someone who had been by his side through tough times like that. He imagined Jinyoung like that, waiting outside the hospital, not knowing if Jaebeom would come out alive or not and it was enough to remind himself to never tell Jinyoung.

Without the permission to contact Jinyoung, Jaebeom attempted to get back to his normal life once more but it wasn’t easy. The first thing he did was apologise to Seulgi, he knew they were over and Jaebeom knew in his heart that what she had done to Jinyoung, even if it wasn’t her fault, would never allow him to look at her the same way again. He apologised to her parents too, who helped him through the hospitalisation. They were nice enough to forgive him, which just made Jaebeom feel more guilty because he didn’t feel worthy of their kindness.

Jaebeom didn’t know the apartment he was in like his own, Seulgi having moved in after he was admitted. Fortunately she had rented it only for a few months since they expected him to be out by then meaning he had just enough time to look for a new place.

Scrolling through some listings, he noticed the old apartment he shared with Jinyoung vacant. He didn’t think twice before calling up to move back up. By the end of the next month he was back in his room, just the one next to his was now empty.

The days without Jinyoung blurred together into Jaebeom overworking himself and coming home to cry till he passed out. On the days he felt extra lonely, he slept in Jinyoung’s old room, imagining his scent on the sheets, the warmth of his embrace on days that they slept together.

Seulgi had become Jaebeom’s everything in such little time, he didn’t think of anything else. He realised he hadn’t texted Jinyoung for three months straight even before he was hospitalised. They had been such big parts of each other’s lives it was no wonder that Jinyoung felt replaced. The guilt seemed endless to Jaebeom and he felt like he deserved it all. Part of him wanted that Jinyoung never forgave him for what he did to the younger.

It took three months, three months of Jaebeom not leaving his apartment unless it was for work, three months of him barely eating anything, of him crying himself to sleep, for Jinyoung to call. Jaebeom had finally taken a day off after his boss noticed his state and the distance between him and Seulgi and forced the man to take some rest, when his phone rang.

Expecting it to be his mom, Jaebeom reached over for his phone that was lying on his bedside table and placed it to his ear without checking the caller ID.

“Hyung?” The sound of Jinyoung’s voice made Jaebeom sit up immediately from where he had been lying in bed, his brain malfunctioning after not having expected it.

“Jinyoungie” Jaebeom knew how broken his voice sounded but he couldn’t help it, his throat was dry from the shock.

“Can we meet?” Jaebeom immediately dragged himself out of bed as he made a mental note of the café Jinyoung asked him to come to. He cut the call before running around the room to find something decent to wear. The dark circles were too prominent and however much concealer he put on them, they were still visible so he threw on a pair of sunglasses before heading out the door.

Jinyoung was already there when Jaebeom reached the place, sitting by the window, dressed in an oversized sweater and jeans. Jaebeom couldn’t help but smile looking at the younger, though he didn’t look like he was doing too well, he still looked perfect to Jaebeom. The feelings he’d had about Jinyoung all his life surfaced as he let out a sigh and pushed the door of the café open.

“I’m sorry it took so long, hyung” Jaebeom just smiled, pulling sunglasses off to look Jinyoung in the eyes as they sat in front of each other. Jaebeom would have waited for the rest of his limited days if he had to for Jinyoung, he knew that through and through.

“I don’t blame you, Jinyoungie. I want to say once more that I’m really sorry for what I did” Jinyoung nodded, his expression one of understanding. As much as they fought, Jinyoung could never really be mad at Jaebeom, the man was his entire world.

“I still am not over everything that happened but I know you’re sorry and I want us to get back to how we were. I miss you, hyung. So much, it hurts. I know you would want to spend your time with Seulgi but can we at least try to find some time for each other?” Jaebeom’s face faltered as Jinyoung mentioned his ex.

“Seulgi and I, we broke up. More like I broke up with her but we’re not a thing anymore” Jinyoung looked surprised.

“Oh, I’m sorry, hyung”

“Its fine, Jinyoungie. I always have time for you, yes I’ve not proved that over the last few months but you’re my best friend, Jinyoung, and I’d give you the whole world if I could. I moved back into our old apartment, you know the address, come by anytime you want to. Here-“ Jaebeom said, digging into his pocket for his spare key he had grabbed on the way out, “With this you won’t even need me to be home to get in.”

“You moved into our old place? Alone?”

“I just missed it a lot, no other place really felt like home after I moved out of there” Jaebeom confessed.

Things weren’t fine between them, but they knew that there was not a life for them without each other. Jaebeom made sure to visit Jinyoung on set as often as he could and attended every one of his premieres to show that he really wanted to make amends.

Jinyoung did eventually move back in with Jaebeom, and as a way to let Jaebeom make up for his mistakes, made him promise to take him to the T Junction in Hokkaido that Jinyoung found online which the elder happily agreed to. 

[spookidema]

3 a.m Conversations

Prompt: Angst/Fluff

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” “....Because I couldn’t bring myself to be the one to sully your naive innocence.” “You underestimated me." “I did.” “......Are you disappointed?” “I’ve never been happier to be wrong in my entire life.”

Pairing: Gang!Kang YeosangXReader

Summary:The number of times you have been stood up by your boyfriend on date night has you questioning. What could a host of one of the most popular restaurants in Seoul be doing not coming home until 2/3 in the morning when the restaurant closes at 9? Why did you only see him in the morning when you two woke up together? Was he cheating? Was he really 'working' as he tells you in your texts? What was he doing, and why was he lying to you? It's about time you found out the truth.

Taglist: @alwayschoosechocolate​

~~~~~

Two things you were not expecting when you made the plan catch your boyfriend coming into your shared apartment. One. He arrived home at 3 in the morning. And two. He was covered in blood (you hoped it wasn't his cause there was a lot). You dropped the book you started reading to keep you awake to catch Yeosang as he walked in.

"What the fuck, Yeosang," you shrieked rushing to his side catching him off guard.

"What are you doing up, (Y/N)," he said crossing his arm in an attempt it cover up the stains revealing that more blood on his forearms with a long scrape that stretched the length on it.

"What are you doing covered in blood," you frantically said grabbing his wrist pulling at him to the bathroom. 

Yeosang stood grounded in the entrance of the apartment.

"What are you doing up," he repeated his question his voice grew darker the second time he asked meaning he wanted the answer right now.

A shiver run up your spine as you held your head down tugging on Yeosang's wrist.

"You wouldn't tell me anything," you softly spoke."I wanted to be sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me."

"And what trick was that," Yeosang bluntly asked causing you to whine. "Maybe I had a good reason to not tell you, (Y/N)."

"Can we talk about this while we get this cleaned up, please," you weakly asked tears collecting in your eyes getting a short 'Fine,' for your answer.

Yeosang let you lead him into the bathroom, and sit him on the seat of the toilet. You studied Yeosang taking in the sight of him. His usually neatly styled blond was tasseled with specs of crimson in it along with a couple on his face. His white t shirt under his leather jacket was covered in blood. His hands had blood on them, and the blood on his forearm. You must have started to space off looking at him causing him to softly tap your cheek.

"Captain (Y/N), its time to come back to Earth," he said snapping you out of your daze.

You jumped slightly and blushed before you turned to grab and dark washcloth and wet it. As you tried to start cleaning up his face, he stopped your hand from touching his face. 

"Jagi," Yeosang started," what were you trying to find by staying up waiting on me to come home?"

"I-," you could bring yourself to even start your sentence.

"Jagi."

"I uh-."

"(Y/N)."

"I wanted to know if you were cheating on me or not," you rushed out looking away from your boyfriend, whose normally straight face in serious conversations was awestruck. "You have been gone so much, and I barely see you. I thought you got tired of me and found someone new."

Yeosang's hand dropped from your hand letting you start cleaning his face. He watched your face as you became focused on getting rid of the crimson that was drying on his face. You re-soaked the cloth and rung it back out before kneeling down to start on his arm and hands. Silence was all you both heard in the room save for the sound of A/C in the apartment running and the sound of each other's breathing.

"You really thought I would cheat on you," Yeosang stated softly making your shoulders slump slightly."You thought I would cheat on the light of my life."

You were silent at his statement confirming it.

"I wouldn't in 1000 years cheat on you, Jagi," he said softly taking the hand that you had finished and lifting your face with his index finger and thumb under you chin. " I wouldn't even cheat on you passed that 1000 years, and I would never leave you. You know that right?"

"I know," you whispered feeling like a fool.

"Good," he smiled softly at you.

Silence filled the room as you continued your work.

"I'll bandage the scrape after you shower and get the blood out of your hair," you informed him before you turned to leave the room. His hand stopped you by grabbing your wrist. Yeosang started to say something before you stopped him.

 "After."

Yeosang nodded as you left the room.

A million thoughts were running through your mind as you sat on the edge of the bed you shared with Yeosang. What pot had you done stirred? What world had you walked into? What Yeosang going to tell you when he walked in the room? You didn't know what to expect. 

Yeosang entered the room drying his hair with a towel and headed to the dresser to quickly get dressed to join you on the bed. Once he finished, he sat beside you and held his hand upwards for you to possible hold which you did.

"Why did you come home covered in blood, Yeosang," you asked quietly." Please I want to truth."

Yeosang sighed lowly.

"You know the gang that the news has been talking about lately," he questioned.

"Ateez? Yes," you answered." You told me you didn't understand why they would report on such a small gang when there were bigger gangs that they should be highlighting on. I feel like you are about to tell me you are a member of Ateez."

Yeosang grimaced at you causing your eyes to widen and your jaw to drop.

"I am," he said tightening the hold on your hands."I'm one of the heads along with the other."

"Even Jongho," you asked in awe,”But he is baby.”

"Even him," he said.

"So you do what in this gang," you nodded taking in this information.

"I'm the hacker," he replied." I'm normally out of the fire fight unless absolutely necessary. Tonight I wasn't even supposed to be in the fight, but Hongjoong called me in."

Silence ensued once more.

"I understand if you want to leave me, (Y/N)," Yeosang said breaking the silence." I'm a criminal, and you shouldn't let someone like me ruin your life."

You looked at your boyfriend a little awestruck to hear that. Not once did you ever think this is what you were going to find out when you made the plan to catch your boyfriend coming home. You looked him in his face. His eyes were glassy with tears that have yet to fall, and had dark circles under them. His cheeks were slightly hollowed like he hadn't eaten in a couple days like you know he would do if he was under a lot of stress. He looked all around tired, heavyhearted, and scared.  

"You know when I made the plan to stay up until you walked in the door," you said." I thought I was going to catch you sneaking in after cheating on me not you coming in with blood all over you."

"Baby," Yeosang explained," I would rather walk through fire than put you through the pain of that. I'm sorry that I gave the impression that I was doing that."

"I know," you said quietly." I'm sorry I assumed."

The world seemed to become quiet around you two.

"Again, (Y/N) I would understand if you wanted to leave me," Yeosang repeated.

"You are an idiot, you know that," you said staring at him blankly causing he to look at you appalled." You really think I would leave you just like that. Jesus."

"Yah, no sane person would want to date someone that in a gang, (Y/N)," he said.

"Cause being a member of a gang is so sane," you rolled your eyes smiling softly." Then again when have we ever been sane?"

"Hey, I perfectly mentally stable," Yeosang agrued. " Do you know how much danger you are going to be in now that you know what I do outside working at Treasure?"

"Yes I do, and that’s not doing to stop me," you said with your smile turning into a devilish grin. "Plus I would have a amazing boyfriend to come to my rescue if things go wrong like the prince you look like. Ooooo a gangster prince. A new Disney movie."

Yeosang laughed wholeheartedly.

"Maybe you aren't as naive and innocent as I thought," he laughed out smiling at you.

" I do have one question," you said. "Why didn’t you ever tell me?"

"Because I couldn’t bring myself to be the one to sully your 'naive innocence' he replied.

“You underestimated me, Yeosang," you said. " I could handle you telling me.”

“That I did,” he said. “Are you disappointed?”

“I’ve never been happier to be wrong in my entire life," you answered. " Now we can sort more of this in the morning."

Yeosang nodded as you two got comfortable in your bed. He laid on his back with you resting on his chest listening to his heart beat with the blanket pulled up to your nose.

"Good night, crazy person."

"Good night, gangster prince."

[manatehispants]

And You Are Meant For Me

Blankly Bonnie stared at the man sitting across from her at the small diner. Malachai "Kai" Parker. This man would be the reason she goes off the deep end one day very soon. She just knew it. Vampires talk about turning off their humanity, and Bonnie found she was wishing she could turn her's off. The first thing she would do once it was off was slaughter him. She would murder him and laugh, and laugh. She would never have to see that stupid smug smirk of his. Bonnie would never have to hear that grating voice of his. The voice made her cringe with every word he uttered. Best of all she wouldn’t have to hear that insufferable nickname spoken ever again.

"Bon-Bon! Are you even listening to me!? I totally feel ignored right now!"

Kai sniggered at the brilliant green eyes narrowing at him. He leaned back in his seat and cracked his neck loud as he could. Naturally, he knew what he was doing to Bonnie, but he couldn't help himself! She constantly disregarded his feelings for her. How else could was he meant to get her attention? Sure, this was negative attention, but this was better than the feeling of being invisible. Perhaps it was childish, but anything was better than the fate of being a nobody. He rather be hated than be nothing at all to her. Bonnie kept her glare firmly on Kai. She dared not take her eyes away from him for a second.

"And I’am totally disgusted by you. As always."

Laughing Kai placed a hand to his chest over his heart and make a sad face at her. This caused Bonnie to roll her eyes. Why did he have to be this way? Why did ever single thing he do have to vex her, and why did he have to be so conceited about it all the time? If he would put a tenth of the effort he put into annoying her into trying to be a normal person he would be likable. Possibly, that's what made her the most upset about him. That he had the potential to be a likable human being yet he made the choice to be anything but that.

"You're starting to hurt my feelings now."

Replied Kai now putting on a dramatic pout for show. Bonnie wasn’t having it. She let out a sound of frustration as shoved her chair away from the table. The sound of the chair scrapping against the diner floor filled the air. Kai wished the diner was full now instead of almost empty. It would have been comical to witness the witch be embarrassed by this scene playing out.

"You're wasting my time. I only came here because you said you knew something important. Obviously you aren't going to tell me.....So bye."

This wasn't what was meant to happen. Kai's planning was falling apart he couldn't have that. Both his brows shot up and he sat up a bit straight now. He was tense, but he wasn't going to allow for too much of this to show. Coyly he rolled his shoulders back.

"Fine. Leave. I don't care."

By now Bonnie had stood up and was moving pass him. A statement such as this shouldn't have bothered her. It was barely anything. He hadn't named called her any unforgivable name or threatened her. And still, something about the smugness in his tone drove her batty. She felt herself tightly balling her hands into fist at her sides. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to regain her center. Some bit of calmness came back to her and Bonnie reopened her eyes. She turned around to face Kai. If she wasn't a better person she would be trying to start him on fire right now.

"You're lying. Just like you were probably lying about knowing anything. I never should have come here.”

Oh the beauty of that wording! It was all too perfect. The game was back on for Kai! His bright blue eyes the complete opposite of Bonnie's eyes danced with impish attitude. She was making this too easy for him. Bonnie didn't know how, but she knew she had screwed up. It was written clear as day on the bane of her existence's face.

"Yet you came. If I am such a liar why did you bother coming here? Why are you really here, Bon-Bon?"

Brown eyes narrowed at Kai and he knew she was mentally killing him in a million different ways. Was it sick that he relished every damn moment of this because it meant he was on her mind? No sicker than wanting to kill family. His obsessive love for the Bennett witch was the most sane and healthy thing about him. He was a man drowning in sin and she was his salvation. If only she could see it. They could save each other. She would save him from the darkness within, and him from the loneliness he knew she must feel. How could she not feel it? Everyone around her had someone expect her. Bonnie paused for a second too long before speaking and you better believe that Kai noticed it. He noticed everything when it came to this woman.

"It was a mistake. I won't be making it again.”

There was more bit to her words than she had intended. It wasn’t all directed at Kai. She was more mad with herself than him. Bonnie was upset that she always allowed for him to get her this worked up. That he somehow had a spell on her and he knew it. But most of all right now she was mad because he was making a lot of sense. Everyone knew Kai wasn’t trust worthy. That being the case, why had she so quickly came running when he called her?

“Face it, Bon-Bon. You like me. We are meant for each other. That’s what really gets under your skin isn’t it?”

The words come out as sing-song taunt meant to cause outrage. Bonnie’s lips part to reject the pest’s claim, but it’s as if someone has stolen her speech away. Mystic Falls’ witch beauty isn’t shocked he would stoop to this. No, this is typical Kai. Saying anything to bug her. What does throw her is two things. It’s the sliver of hope which she swears she sees in those crystal blue eyes. Not for the first time she’s scared to answer him. She’s afraid to admit it. He’s right and it’s so wrong! He’s a murderous sociopath! She cannot love a man such as him! She won’t! To like him would be to betray her morals. It would mean going against everything she was. And yet the more she entertains the notion the more right she realizes it is. No! She cannot allow that! Her gaze darkens and Kai’s heart drops. He knows the moment of uncertainty Bonnie had is gone. He is aware that he will once again be tossed aside by her.

“You’re a psychopath.”

It was a weak comeback, but it was the only thing Bonnie could come up with. It was something she had to remind herself of avoid the belief that there could be any truth to what had been said by him. Kai raised both brows his eyes going wide, and Bonnie just knew he was about to say something that piss get off. She quickly turned on her heels and walked out of the diner before he had a chance to speak it. Kai’s face dropped as the diner door slammed shut behind the only woman he loved. He felt that same bitterness swelling up his throat that he always felt when she walked away from him. Kai grabbed the soda pop which sat in front of him. Loudly he slurped it through the straw making what few diners the place housed turn and stare at him in disgust. He chuckled softly.

“I still got it.”

The manic Gemini whispered to himself with a cackle coming forth that made everyone in the building uneasy.

[missjohnmicah]

It is indeed, time flies so fast. One year of battling the COVID-19 and it just feels like it happened yesterday. During that one year of facing the pandemic, many things had happened. Yet, we are still experiencing the same situation in the first months of the pandemic and it even got worse. Mainly because one year had passed but we still do not have mass testing, enhanced community quarantine was imposed for the nth time since the cases are getting higher each day, there is no proper distribution of financial assistance from the government as well as the controversial vaccines.

The first months of the pandemic last 2020 have been a hard time for me and the whole family. We, just like all of us, had a hard time adjusting to the new normal. We are forced to stay in our homes, and many lives were greatly affected by this pandemic. Honestly, I was covered in fear and full of regret during those times because all the plans I have for the year 2020 had gone all of a sudden. I am scared of the fact that maybe this would not end and everything would not go back to normal.

After almost 5 months of staying at home, I suddenly forget how the outside world looks like. This may sound funny, but it was a reality for me. While I enjoy my time staying at home -- lying in my bed, eating a variety of food, and my only problem is what would I do the next day to kill the time, and adjust to the new set-up,  there a lot of people risking their lives on the streets and the different parts of the world just to ease their hunger and to feed their family. Especially the front-liners who risk their lives just to protect ours. The fact that they chose to be apart from their families to fulfill their duties made them earned our highest form of respect.  

I still remember the feeling when I first went outside after several months of staying at home-- it feels surreal. Everything feels weird and strange for me. Then the school year had started -- another adjustment to make. At first, it is really stressful and heartbreaking to see my friends and classmates on screen because I really miss them so much especially our professors who became our second parents. I have a strong connection to my family-- I can tell them my problems and other stuff but for me, it is not enough. Being an extrovert individual, I am used to going outside and hang out with my friends from time-to-time that made me miss them so badly because during those times we only communicate through social media.

Fast-forward to the present, my way of releasing my stress brought by academic workloads and other duties, aside from spending time with my family is by making time with my childhood best friends. Every night, when we all have free time, we spend our time bonding together -- eating, drinking moderately and sharing problems but still, we strictly follow safety protocols and guidelines so that we would all be safe. Whenever I make time with them, it enables me to function well and do my tasks on time without compromising the quality of my work. They contributed a huge part to keep me sane and work on my mental health that is why I am grateful to have them during the darkest days of my life.

[missbeautyandherbeast]

It’s Nice To Have A Friend

Michelangelo X Reader

Summary: Taking people under your wing was your thing until four mutant brothers took you under theirs. It still didn’t stop you from taking one of them under your wing. Until you screwed that up from miscommunication and some harsh words. Can you fix this? How are you supposed to express emotions when you barely understand the situation? Is it too late to save what you broke? Can you save your friend?

A/N: For the ever-lovely @brightlotusmoon, here’s my drabble into Mikey, making his a round character in my own mind as well as on paper. I hope I did him justice, and you justice. 

Word Count: +3,200

Warnings: Angst, panic attacks, self-loathing, fluff, abuse

Was living underground with four large mutant turtles weird? Sure.

If you wanted to call it that. To me, it was a family, as it was to them, brothers and a father. They had all welcomed me with curiosity and hesitancy as I showed immunity to mutagen, and retro- mutagen—both of which happened in Donnie’s lab after a mishap and me tripping over my own feet.

It freaked me out, to say the least. Again, the questioned seemed to be: what was wrong with me? Again I felt different, out of place, with no answer as to why. I loathed it.

To Donnie I was something to be studied, he tried to hide it and he did pretty well, but I caught the nuances. I wasn’t opposed to it too much, I wanted answers as well. But I wished that I was a bit more than an experiment.

To Leo, I was someone to protect. Whatever was different—wrong—about me he wanted to be kept safe from Shredder and the Kraang. Which I understood, but I also refused to fight, or even learn how. I could defend myself, but I refused to go on the offense, or hurt anyone, even if it was someone trying to hurt me. I knew this frustrated him, but he respected my choice of pacifism.

Raphael and I fought. A lot. Not physically, but verbally. He reminded me too much of my abusive older brother that I had finally gotten away from by moving to New York, and there was something about him that sparked anger in me. I found the confidence to snap back at him when he made offhand rude comments, to anyone. Most of the time Leo stepped in and reprimanded Raph before things could get too far. If the red brute didn’t back down, Splinter intervened.

Then there was Mikey. He was the only one who didn’t treat me differently because of who, what I was. Instead, we played Mario Kart until I got good enough to beat him, sometimes. I showed him my comic books and TV shows, and I watched him fall in love with them as I was. We spent nights reading fan theories, working on cosplay, and jamming to Taylor Swift.

It’s nice to have a friend. 

.................................

And Mikey was the one I stood up for the most against Raph. As soon as I started to notice that Mikey was his favorite target, I got a bit more observant. Signs that I knew, because I had the same reactions around my own brother.

“You actually like that stuff? You’re so weird.” Raph muttered as we started to binge Doctor Who.

“Says the one who spends every minute of every day looking in a mirror, or working out.” I snapped back.

Raph scoffed and walked off as Mikey was silent beside me, looking down. I leaned against him as the show continued. Slowly he relaxed and we ended up, like always, tangled in blankets, passed out, as the show continued to play.

Raph seemed to back down after a while, now that I was always there to fight back against him. There was a solace around the Lair when the comments ceased to exist. Sometimes they were there, like teasing, or light-hearted jokes, but nothing that cut too deep. I made sure of that.

It was nice to be a friend.

....................................

After a few months, I felt safe enough to go back to my apartment every few nights, just to be in my own space, something that I desperately needed to stay sane. It was comforting, being back in my own small studio apartment on Cornelia. I could do what I wanted when I wanted. Play my own music, eat what and when I wanted to, wear what I wanted. I had no one to impress but me.

Mikey came over the first night that I was back in my apartment. He had a pizza and sodas for the two of us as he stood on my fire escape. I laughed to myself and let him in, going to grab paper towels.

We fell into our normal routine, nested in my bed, watching TV—this time it was season 14 of Supernatural—eating and curled up under blankets. Well, I was under blankets, Mikey radiated heat like a space heater. He finished most of the pizza while I nibbled on my one slice.

When the last episode ended, Mikey was shocked when I jumped up and threw the remote towards the TV. His reflexes were quick enough to snatch it before it did any damage, though he seemed to be in the same agitated state that I was in.

I growled. “They can’t just! It’s not fair! They! And he! And Sammy! And Jack! And UGH!” I paced.

“How is that supposed to be the end of the season!” Mikey exclaimed. “They can’t just do that!” “How is there supped to be only one more season to fix that!” I countered.

We both stared at the TV screen, in tense silence, settling down next to each other again.

“I need something to take my mind off of that,” I muttered, scrolling for another movie.

We ended up re-watching Miraculous Ladybug for like the fifteenth time. We both ended up liking the show, a weird mix of my love for cartoons and his love of anime. Nothing like a boy in a leather catsuit and a girl in polka-dotted spandex fighting an old man who loves butterflies and not his son to comfort the mind.

I rearranged my seventy-five pillows and nestled down next to the warm terrapin, allowing myself to get comfortable. Winter was setting into New York and I was about to really miserable with the oncoming cold weather. It was nice with Mikey though. I could always count on his warmth.

Letting the episodes play through, my eyes eventually became too heavy to reopen. My dreams were light and safe. They always were when I wasn’t sleeping alone. It was nice, for once, not to need melatonin, or not be up until four am, or not need my nightly counting routines to lull me to sleep.

It’s nice to have a friend. 

.................................

Once a week Donnie and I worked on figuring out what was so different about me that I was immune. It was a slow-going process because I got tired or disinterested before we could make it too far, and every brother and Splinter was keen on not pushing me farther than I could manage.

“I’m a freak,” I muttered to Donnie one week, looking down at the floor.

“Take it from a huge talking turtle, you’re not a freak.” Donnie mused, a smile playing at his lips.

“Okay, but mutagen affected you: normal. Retro mutagen affects you: normal. Me, absolutely nothing. I’m a freak.” I laid back on the exam table, closing my eyes.

I heard his gentle laugh. I simply sighed.

“No one wants a freak, Don,” I muttered. “No one is gonna want me. I’ll always be weird.” 

“That’s not true. You’re a wonderful person Y/n, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“No one wants a freak,” I repeated, sighing. “No one can love a freak,”

He was quiet for a moment as if he were debating the notion.

“Maybe we’re all doomed then.” He decided.

I chuckled and shook my head, sitting up.

“Do you need me for anything else?” I rubbed my face and stretched.

“You should be alright for today, I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

“Thanks, Don.”

I almost ran into Mikey as I left the lab.

“Hey.” My face lit up. “You wanna watch somethin’? There’s a new series that I’ve been meaning to watch, or I could show you Rocky Horror Picture Show, that’s a classic.” I went through my mental checklist of things that I wanted him to watch, trying to settle on the best one.

“No thanks. I gotta patrol. Just came to say bye.” His voice was almost void of emotion. 

“Oh.” My face fell. “Okay, be safe.” I frowned a bit but kept my emotions under wraps.

Watching him leave, I wandered into the main room, trying to solve the look on his face and his tone, feeling like I was missing something.

“That was pretty harsh there Y/n.” Raph leaned against the wall next to the lab.

“What?” I turned my attention to him. “What did I even do? What was all that?” I gestured weakly.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Mikey heard you.” He made air-quotes: “‘No one can love a freak’? Almost sounded like me.”

“I’m still not getting it?” I stood, anxiety clawing my insides. Had I hurt Mikey somehow?

“The kid is head over heels for you Y/n, and you just told him that you’d never love a freak.” Raph laid it out, his tone was cold and distant.

I froze, panic taking over my entire form. I didn’t think, I just did. I grabbed my jacket and slipped on my shoes. I ignored Raph’s questions, I ignored Donnie’s questions. I couldn’t ignore the hands that held me back though. I thought I heard Donnie explain through a muddled mind.

“I have to make this right,” Tears were slipping down my cheeks. “I didn’t mean that. I didn’t...” I could feel my breath hiking moving towards hyperventilation. “Mikey...” My voice was broken.

I was broken.

I had broken my friend.

My best friend.

Who loved me?

...he loved me back.

The revelation was mind shattering. Both my mind and heart laid shattered, the pieces oozing into the concrete floor, refusing to be put back together.

“I’ll go find him.” Raph decided.

“No!” I shouted. “He’s going to think you’re lying. That you’re dragging him along. I have to go. I have to make this right.” My voice was squeaky and pathetic, but it was the truth.

“She’s right. Go shadow her, but she has to be the one to do it.” Donnie rubbed my shoulders comfortingly as he spoke to Raph.

I stumbled out into the cold night, cursing the frigid air.

“Mikey!” I shouted hopelessly. “Mikey, please I need to talk to you! Please!” The tears that ran down my face threatened to freeze. I wiped them away in an attempt to keep warm.

I walked quickly down the route that I knew Mikey patrolled, keeping my eyes on the rooftops, muttering his name and wiping tears away until I couldn’t anymore.

I crumbled onto a nearby bench and buried my face in my hands, sobbing for my loss, my stupid mistake, for my Mikey.

“Y/n!”

It wasn’t the voice that I wanted, but my head shot up, in panic.

“We gotta go! Now!” Raph was right beside me in a matter of moments, lifting me into his arms and taking off, in a direction that held no meaning to me.

“Raph!” I complained.

“Mikey was caught by the Kraang. Leo’s trying to get in now, but...” He shook his head as he turned another block.

Fear froze my shattered heart. The words didn’t want to process.

“Hey, hey. Hold it together kid, he’s gonna be okay.” Raph soothed, sensing my despair.

“This is my fault.” I sobbed. “I did this.”

“Hey. No. This is not... good lord kid. This wasn’t you. I swear.” Raph’s voice was hard and commanding. It reminded me of Leo.

When he stopped on a random block, in front of a random building, a warehouse, he made the mistake of letting me go.

I hit the ground running into the building, right into the center of a vast floor, filled with Kraang, and... and Mikey. When his eyes flashed to mine I almost collapsed. He wasn’t dead. I could still tell him I was sorry. I could...

“Let him go,” I whispered, taking careful steps forward. “Please.”

There was a commotion behind me, and I didn’t even have to turn back to know that it was the other brothers, coming to our aid. My eyes didn’t leave Mikey’s. There was so much hurt and betrayal in them. And now I knew why.

I jumped when a blur of silver flashed by me and into the droid closest to Mikey, sending sparks flying, and the Kraang bot dropping to the ground.

“Man, these things are always creepy,” Raph muttered.

Then all hell broke loose. Both sides advanced, and I was caught in the crossfire. Something pulled me down to the floor, and I landed hard on my wrist. I watched as Mikey’s eyes widened in horror, his eyes fixed on something behind me.

I turned and saw a gun pointed at my head, one of the Kraang’s high tech ones.

A swipe of a katana and the Kraang was no more. Leo and I locked eyes; fear in mine and determination in his.

“Go! I’ll cover you!” He shouted, stealing a glance in his youngest brother’s direction.

I leaped to my feet and dashed through the carnage to get to my Mikey. I knelt beside him, trying to figure out his bonds, thanking someone that they were only rope.

“Just leave me.” Mikey bit out. It was like a slap to the face. “I’m nothing but I freak to you anyway.”

The depressing words weighed on my soul and my body until I was held in place by the weight of his words. I had to stop my task of untying him to fight the urge to not scream and cry. I rested my forehead on his shoulder, tears making their way down my face.

“I didn’t...” I choked out. “I was talking about me. I’m the freak. I’m unlovable. I’m unwanted.” I sobbed out. “I’m so unlovable.” I shook my head, wrapping my arms around myself, looking him in the eye. “There was never a day that I didn’t love you.”

Recognition crossed his face, as I sat back on my knees, my head bowed and shoulders hunched, as I finally let go of holding my hurt back, sobs shaking my frame softly as they left my lips in unintelligible self-loathing words. My arms desperately tried to hold all of me together, but no matter how tightly I wrapped them around me, I still fell apart.

Until warm familiar arms wrapped around me tightly did I feel whole again. These arms held me together when I couldn’t do it on my own. These arms and these hands picked up the shattered pieces of my heart and took the time to put them back together with care.

“Don’t leave me, please. Please. Please.” I choked out, wrapping my arms around him, my friend, my best friend, my lifeline, my Michelangelo, my Mikey. “I love you, please,”

I could feel his hand stroke my hair gently, as he pulled me into his lap, encasing me with warmth until I wasn’t shaking anymore. I waited and prepared for the worst. He wouldn’t want me. He wouldn’t love me. He couldn’t forgive me for this. I was unforgivable. Unlovable.

I sank into these thoughts until darkness consumed me.

This is what it was like to lose a friend.

..........................................

“Let her mind protect itself. She’ll come around when she can handle it all again.” The voice was muted and muddled, and made little sense.

“It’s been an hour Donnie,” A worried voice, much closer to me, argued back.

I wanted to tell the voice that I was okay. That I was here. He didn’t need to worry. I was fine. Mikey didn’t need to worry.

“Y/n!?” He called, urgent. “Can you hear me? Y/n!?”

“M’fine...” I mumbled, my eyelashes fluttering as I opened my eyes. Intense blue eyes stared back at me; tears mixed in.

“M’fine Mikey.” I curled up further into his arms.

“Don’t let her fall asleep she might have a concussion,” Donnie warned. I wanted to glare at him. I was fine. Peachy.

I still had my friend.

I hoped.

.....................................

I blinked a few times and struggled to sit up. Realizing what I was trying to accomplish, Mikey’s arms supported me, aiding me.

“You okay angelcakes?” His voice was gentle and worried still.

I nodded, ignoring my pounding headache. I looked up at him, afraid. What now? What was he going to say? What was I going to do if he sent me away? If he didn’t love me back?

“Are you really up this time?” He asked, hesitant.

I frowned and blinked a few more times, rubbing my eyes. I noticed that one of my hands was in a brace. I stared at it with curiosity.

“You hurt your wrist. Donnie doesn’t think it’s broken, but he’s not entirely sure.” He was almost sheepish to explain the fact.

I looked up at him, waiting for more. Tensed and prepared for the worst, praying and hoping for the best.

“Did you mean it?” He whispered, cupping my jaw with one of his hands. I leaned into the warmth. “Do you really love me? Freak and all?” His blue eyes were pleading with mine, begging the fact to be true.

“Since the first night that you stayed.” My voice was raspy and broken sounding from dehydration and being rubbed raw from my sobs, but it spoke the truth.

There was a moment of deliberation on his face before he pressed his lips to mine. I wasn’t shocked. I was relieved. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers twisting into the tails of his bandana. He was gentle while kissing me as if he were afraid to break me, and part of me knew that he could. If he wanted to.

But he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to break me. Or leave me, or yell at me.

He wanted to kiss me and be near me. He wanted to love me. Like I wanted to love him. Freely, openly, courageously.

Pulling away sooner than I wanted, the turtle pressed a soft kiss to my forehead before his blue eyes enraptured mine.

“You’re not unlovable. And you’ve never been unwanted.” He whispered. “I want you. And God, Y/n, I love you.” There was a small smile on his face, my breaking dawn.

“Freak and all?” I murmured. 

“Freak and all.” He chuckled.

It’s nice to have a love. 

.......................................

Curled up on the couch on a late Friday night after Mikey’s patrol, I laid gentle kisses on his neck, half paying attention to the movie on. He smiled down at me and pulled me closer.

“I don’t see why you like these movies.” He scoffed.

“Reminds me of you, us,” I whispered. “He’s so keen on protecting her, he almost loses her. He’s part of another world that she gets thrown into, and walks in it willingly. She’s different though. She’s immune to their powers.” My eyes flickered to the screen. “‘I tell you I can read minds, and you want to know if there’s something wrong with you?’” I quoted.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“You’re such a dork.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. 

“But I’m yours.” I grinned cheesily up at him.

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It’s nice to have a friend.

..................................

Don’t be afraid to comment and reblog! I love knowing what you guys have to say and I love your feedback always!

[ceealaina]

Title: In My Dreams I Turn You On - Chapter 2 Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card Number: 3088 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K5 - Mutual Pining Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers Summary: Tony’s crushing hard on his new massage therapist, but doesn’t want to be a sleazy businessman. Bucky’s crushing hard on his latest client, but doesn’t want to take advantage of him in a vulnerable position. So they handle it like any sane adults - pretend it’s not happening and refuse to discuss it. At least they both have terrible friends to help them through it. Word Count: 11,067 Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

And that makes a bingo!

Tony tried to resist, really he did, tried to be logical about it all. Look at the facts: James was exactly his type, as much as Tony had ever had one. And he’d had his hands all over Tony’s body — professionally, but for someone as tactile as Tony was, touch was touch. It made sense that he’d react to that, especially since it had maybe been awhile since he’d had someone in his life in that particular capacity. Tony had thought, or at least hoped, that with a bit of space and a good night’s sleep, he’d move on. 

But when, nearly a week later, he was still thinking about James’ laugh, thinking about how loose and relaxed he had felt afterwards, when he was still trying to keep his mind from drifting to blue eyes and a low husky voice when he jerked off at night… He caved. Telling himself that he’d probably built James up in his mind, that if he saw him in person again he’d be able to find a flaw, talk himself out of his silly crush, he booked another massage. And then he may or may not have slipped into the system to ensure that it was James who was assigned as his therapist.

He jerked off beforehand this time, just in case. It had been awhile since he’d been laid. Maybe last time he’d been a little touch starved, and his body had just felt good and his brain had run with it. 

Tony had always been very good at mental gymnastics. 

But the second he walked in the door and spotted James, he knew all his planning had been for nothing. 

James was leaning casually against the table where he kept all his supplies. He had one leg crossed over the other at the ankle, which pulled the fabric of his pants tight across his gorgeously thick thighs, and made Tony want nothing more than to straddle them right here. James was peering down a chart in his hand, tongue poking out between his teeth adorably, but he looked up with a smile at the sound of the door. 

“Hey Mr.-- uh, Tony.” He gave him a brilliant grin, a little flustered, and Tony honest to god felt his knees go weak. 

“Hello, James,” Tony replied, and then immediately wanted to kick himself because his voice had dropped to a lower register, and really, could he sound like more of a sleazy businessman? He smiled, hoping to offset the creepiness, and he could feel his face stretch into something ridiculous and manic. Oh god, is that what his smile always seemed like? He suddenly couldn’t remember what felt normal for his face, or his hands for that matter. Clearing his throat, he tried to come up with something — anything — normal to say. “‘Sup?” 

That… Was not it.

If James had noticed what an absolute weirdo Tony was being, he didn’t comment, just smiled at him brightly. His smile was somehow even more gorgeous that Tony had remembered. 

“Nothing much,” he told him, like ‘sup’ was a perfectly normal, non-90s way of greeting someone. “Headed up to Boston over the weekend. Birthday trip?”

“Really?” Tony latched onto the fact like a dying man. Boston he knew. Boston, he could talk about with something almost resembling normalcy. “I went to school in Boston.” 

James arched an eyebrow at that, and Tony hid a wince because duh, Stark, everyone knew that. 

“What, uh… What did you do there?” 

“Um…” There was the faintest hint of a blush staining Bucky’s cheeks “Well. We had a whole bunch of stuff planned, but then we accidentally spent an entire day at the Museum of Science, so…” 

Tony’s eyes went wide. “Oh my god,” he breathed. “You’re a nerd.” 

A second later it occurred to him that most people probably wouldn’t take that like the compliment it was, but fortunately James didn’t seem offended. 

“Little bit, yeah,” he admitted, rubbing at his lower lip to hide what Tony personally thought was an absolutely adorable smile. 

“What did you see? Did you get to the new exhibit on advanced AI?”

James huffed out a little laugh. “Tell you what,” he offered. “We’re cutting into your ninety minutes, so why don’t we get started and then I promise I’ll regale you with science stories while I work.” 

Tony had honestly forgotten why he was even here for a moment. He blinked at James a moment. “Am I dreaming right now? A massage from— from you.” He stumbled a little awkwardly over the words. He’d been about to say ‘a gorgeous man.’ “And we get to talk science? Sounds fake, but okay. Also, I would just like to point out that I am kind of the boss. If we want to take more than ninety minutes, I’m pretty sure we can do that.”

James snorted. “I like how you assume I don’t have anything else going on after this.” 

“Do you?” Tony asked, before he could stop himself. 

James shrugged. “Not really,” he admitted, grinning. From what Tony could tell, he seemed genuinely amused and not ‘you technically employ me so I’ve gotta laugh’ amused. “I’ve got another appointment, after you, and then that’s it. All free and clear.” 

There was a long moment then, both of them looking at each other in a way that, to Tony at least, felt heavy. Expectant. It would be so easy to just ask if he wanted to grab dinner, or coffee after. 

“Professionalism,” he managed to get out instead. “I like that.” 

James grinned back at him, and Tony told himself that he was imagining the slight tinge of disappointment to it. 

***

True to his word, once they’d gone over Tony’s problem areas, and he was settled comfy-cozy beneath the sheets, and James had returned to the room and gotten started on Tony’s back, he told him in perfect detail about his time at the science museum. He hadn’t been kidding about being ‘a little bit’ of a nerd; the way he’d get distracted on tangents, practically yelling in excitement until he remembered where he was and tamped it down again, was making Tony all kinds of nostalgic for being at MIT with Rhodey. 

He could feel himself falling a little harder with each passing second. 

Tony resisted the urge to jump in, to go into science teacher mode, because he’d gotten feedback in the past that that was a bit of a turn off. He didn’t point out that he’d actually been a consultant in the museum’s collaboration with MIT on the AI exhibit — James probably would have read that in the exhibit info, and if he hadn’t then Tony bragging about it wasn’t going to endear him in any way. But he couldn’t stop himself from fishing for a bit more information.

“So,” he managed, when there was an appropriate lull in the conversation (thankfully not cutting James off mid-word, like he had when he’d gotten a little too over enthusiastic about nanoparticles). “Who’d you go with? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Your... more intelligent than the average bear?” 

He could feel his neck heat, was glad that the room was dark, that he was lying face down so James couldn’t see the truly ridiculous facial expressions he was probably making right now. 

James made a faint noise that Tony couldn’t quite interpret. “Uh. No, nothing like that. I mean, Stevie’s dumber’n a bear sometimes, but no. Just some friends.” There was a brief hesitation, and then, softer, “Besides, you’d have to have one of those to take them with you.” 

Tony felt a stupid grin cross his face, even more relieved that he was facing the floor. “Yeah, that, uh… That’ll help,” he managed. 

The rest of the session passed entirely too quickly, and before he knew it James was taking a step back, telling him to take it easy and drink lots of water today. Tony hummed out a vague agreement, staring a little dazed up at the ceiling. James huffed out a soft laugh and then hesitated for the briefest of moments at the doorway. 

“It was nice seeing you today, Tony. Hope I’ll see you again soon.”

And then he was gone, leaving Tony blinking helplessly at the ceiling. He stayed there for a long time after he left. 

“Fuck.”  

***

There was really no going back, after that. Tony set up a standing appointment for every other Friday, and it very quickly became the highlight of his week. He also didn’t think he’d jerked off this much before in his entire life, but that was neither here nor there. Because the thing was, yes, James was hot as shit. But he was also ridiculously easy to talk to, and after just a couple of weeks, Tony felt like he’d known him forever, the same sort of instant connection that he’d felt when he’d first met Steve. 

Except, of course, he and Steve had fallen into an easy friendship while with James he just kept thinking of all the ways he wanted to take him apart, so maybe Rhodey was a more apt comparison. 

Tony knew he was driving his friends crazy. He’d started getting JARVIS to mark off his calendar with racquetball, just so he wouldn’t have to endure the looks that Pepper had started giving him when he told her he was going for another massage appointment. Not the usual ‘oh my god, are you kidding me’ looks that she got whenever he was doing something else gross — those he could have handled — but soft, sympathetic looks, like she thought he was in love or something. Perish the thought. Steve, on the other hand, had flat out banned Tony from talking about James anymore under threat of not hanging out until he either stopped going, or pulled his tits up and asked him out. Tony still managed to work him into every conversation. Pining was hard. 

Rhodey, at least, was a little more understanding. He and Sam had been roommates first, danced around each other for months without even knowing if the other one was into men before Sam had tripped and Rhodey had fallen and they’d ended up with their mouths on each other’s dicks. And then it had been another few months of “it’s just sex,” and “it doesn’t mean anything, Tony, really, shut up about it,” until they’d finally admitted that it was, in fact, a lot more than just sex. So Rhodey understood. Tony was still driving him absolutely bananas, but he at least understood. 

***

Tony didn’t know it, but Bucky wasn’t doing much better. Almost from the moment one session would end, he’d be counting down the hours until the next one. Every day that they didn’t have an appointment, he’d get a — frankly embarrassing — thrill low in his belly, wondering, imagining if he might run into Tony somewhere in the building. And on the days when he did, when he and Tony would make eye contact and Tony would give them that smile, like just seeing Bucky had saved him from a terrible day? Bucky knew it was probably just a reflex, born of being trained to be the consummate businessman since he was a kid, but it never failed to make his entire day, leaving Bucky smiling like a fool the whole day long.

He was kind of a ridiculous romantic like that.

It would be easier, maybe, if he thought it was completely one-sided, if it was just a hopeless crush on his part that he could wallow in and then get over. But try as he might, he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that it wasn’t entirely unrequited. He’d caught Tony giving him a look once or twice, when he thought he wasn’t looking, eyes lingering over his ass or thighs. But more than that, he’d say things sometimes, something innocuous that could almost be taken to mean something else. It wouldn’t be such a big deal, except then he’d get this look on his face. If Bucky blinked he’d miss it, but for just a second his eyes would go wide, and he’d have an ‘oh shit’ look on his face, like he hadn’t meant to let that slip. And then there’d been that long moment, their second appointment. He had been so absolutely sure that Tony was going to ask him out, had held his breath as he waited. 

And then the moment had passed and Tony hadn’t said anything at all. But Bucky couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t imagining it, that he wasn’t the only one who could feel how instantly they had connected, how ridiculously well they got along. 

Bucky had a tendency to flirt as natural as breathing, always had. It had gotten him in trouble once or twice as a kid in school, when he’d been caught kissing girls under the slide on the playground. It was hard for him to tamp that down, when he had Tony on the table, not to make everything sound like an innuendo. Not to turn on the charm, to up their banter, to do everything he could to get that smile out of him and make him laugh until he was just as smitten as Bucky was. He was just so easy to get along with. Maybe it was just the years long crush talking, but Bucky couldn’t help thinking that Tony saw him. He seemed to really get him, to understand him on a more-than-professional level. They had the same stupid sense of humor, the same style of arguing, and Bucky could listen to Tony go off on science tangents for literal hours. And sometimes he’d share things, stories from university, or about his best friend, or the most recent thing he’d done to exasperate his phenomenal PA, and Bucky couldn’t help thinking that these weren’t the kinds of stories that he shared with just everyone. He just wanted to take him out for dinner and learn everything about him, every secret he had. But like, in a sweet, totally non-creepy way. 

And as an added bonus? Good lord, Tony was gorgeous. 

Bucky had always known that, logically. His crush had to come from somewhere. But he was infinitely more gorgeous in person. Sometimes it was really hard not to let his voice drop into something low and wanting and sexy when the lights were dimmed low, and Tony was almost naked on the table, making those noises when Bucky got close to his ass, and all he could think about was dropping to his knees and sucking Tony off until he screamed.

Just the thought had Bucky twitching as he lay in bed, trying to will himself to just go to sleep. He normally tried not to think about it too… vividly, in his day to day. It felt like an invasion of privacy, imagining Tony like that, especially when he frequently dealt with him while the other man was in a pretty vulnerable position. And, irrational though it may have been, there was a part of him that worried that, if he let himself imagine it too much, he might just forget one day, greet Tony with a hot and heavy make out session, or something even worse. 

At night, though… 

Bucky shifted on the bed again, squirming a little as he felt his cock thicken in his shorts. It felt okay at night, when he was lying here in the dark. LIke he was a step removed from it. It was too easy to picture Tony, to imagine that there was something there, that he could just have him, whenever he wanted. It went against every bit of his sense of professionalism, but the idea of fooling around under the guise of giving Tony ‘therapy’ sent a delicious thrill through his stomach, made him groan as it thrummed in his balls. 

“Shit,” Bucky breathed, palming absently over his dick through the silky material. It was fine, he was a grown ass adult who was in complete control of his physical reactions. He wasn’t going to jerk off thinking of Tony (again). He wasn’t. He just had to adjust himself, and…

Bucky hissed out a low breath, eyes rolling back as he gripped himself. He couldn’t resist dragging his thumb up the length of dick, hips jerking when he rubbed just underneath the head. Then he grit his teeth and pulled his hand away, willing his cock to calm the fuck down. He’d just jerked off this morning, he was fine. He huffed loudly, scrubbing a hand over his face. There was an itch on his thigh, and reached down to scratch at it, squeezing his eyes shut like he could somehow force himself to sleep. Instead, his mind offered up the image of warm, brown eyes, Tony’s face scrunching up as he laughed at something Bucky had said; apparently he daydreamed about Tony so frequently now that picturing Tony was automatic. It was just so easy to imagine him, the way his tongue would always dart out, swipe over his lips before he’d suck the lower one between his teeth. It killed Bucky every time. 

He shivered, and abruptly realized that scratching the itch on his thigh had turned to dragging his blunt fingernails back and forth over the hyper-sensitive skin, a light, thrilling, tease. He groaned out loud, tugged at his hair in frustration which backfired spectacularly when it made his cock twitch. 

“Jesus Christ, Barnes,” he said to the empty room. “Pull yourself together.” 

He sat up enough to flip the pillow over to the cool side, flopping back down and turning onto his side so he could shove his face into it, spreading his legs a little to accommodate the weight of his dick. He closed his eyes again, trying to focus on deep breathing, but inevitably his thoughts turned to Tony again. It wasn’t even the top of the list of things that Bucky adored about him, but the man was stupidly beautiful. Picturing his smile, Bucky could imagine himself stepping closer to him, the way Tony’s eyes would drag down his body, catching on his thighs the way they always did, when he thought Bucky wouldn’t notice. As easy as if it had really happened, he could imagine himself moving closer still, Tony’s eyes going wide and dark when Bucky got up in his space, lips parting on a soft breath. Every once in awhile, after a long day, Tony’s normally coiffed hair would be reduced to a mess of curls. Bucky was picturing it like that now, imagining carding his hand through it the way he always wanted, tugging just a little until Tony gasped, head tipping back to look up at him, eyes soft and wide and hungry for it. 

Bucky’s hips jerked involuntarily, and he whined as the motion ground his dick against the mattress, sending a sharp shock of pleasure through his body. God, he just… He wanted so bad, wanted Tony’s hands all over his body, wanted to get his own hands on that gorgeous ass and haul Tony right up tight against him, the two of them grinding against each other, so overwhelmed they couldn’t so much as undress. Wanted to take Tony to bed, spread him out, take his time kissing every inch of his body until he was gasping and pleading, wanted Tony to do the same to him in kind, to feel those calloused fingers wrapped around his cock. 

“Fuck,” he muttered. He’d known all along, really, that this was inevitable, and he pushed down the guilt as he shoved his hand into his shorts, eyes nearly crossing as he closed his fist tight, the pressure sending tingles all the way down to his toes. He wasted no time with teasing himself, jerking off with a steady, firm grip, trying to emulate how he thought Tony, with his technical mind, might set about taking him apart. His hand moved faster at the thought, imagining Tony watching him with a serious expression, cataloguing every shift of his body, every twitch of his face, figuring out how to take him apart in the best possible way. Tony, leaning in close, biting at his lips, crooning at him to go ahead and come, and Bucky… Bucky would… 

His balls drawing up tight, Bucky turned his head back into the pillow as he came, biting down against the fabric so that he didn’t actually let Tony’s name slip past his lips like he desperately wanted. 

After, when he’d kicked off his shorts and cleaned up with the tissues he kept on the bedside table, and lay sprawled out on his back, still catching his breath, he couldn’t help thinking of the afterward. He and Tony laughing goofily, still a little orgasm high. Tony pressing up against his side for cuddles, the way he’d fit perfectly under Bucky’s chin. For a brief moment, his arms actually ached with the desire to just hold him. 

Worse, he was pretty sure he wanted that comfortable intimacy even more than the imagined amazing sex. 

He was a goddamn mess.

***

“Fuck,” Bucky whined, pillowing his head in his arms on the table. 

“Dude.” Sam’s hand grabbed the back of Bucky’s t-shirt, yanking him upright. “What are you doing? We’re in a bar, you freak. Quit embarrassing me in front of the ladies.” 

“What ladies?” Bucky grumbled. “You’re gay, Sam. You’re married. To a man.” 

Sam just shrugged at him, like he was missing the point, and Bucky huffed. 

“You don’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to be in love with someone who doesn’t know you’re alive. You and Rhodes moved in the first night you met.”

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. “Because we were roommates. He was fresh off a tour and needed a place? Mutual friend set us up? And then we spent the next few months dancing around each other before we finally admitted we had feelings for each other? Any of this ringing a bell?” Sam shook his head, stealing Bucky’s beer. “Jesus Buck, how much have you had?” 

“Uh… A few?” Bucky offered, because he couldn’t actually remember how much he’d had to drink, waiting for Sam to show up, but now that it had been called to his attention, he was definitely feeling it. 

Sam just shook his head, obviously trying not to smile. “You got it bad, huh?” 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” Bucky burst out, waving an arm in the air and narrowly avoiding clipping a server and sending their tray flying through the air. “He’s…” Bucky tried to think of a way to describe how wonderful Tony was, but he’d signed an NDA, and was drunk enough that he couldn’t figure out if it applied here, so it was probably safer not to describe him at all.

“Gotta admit man, never thought you’d go for some corporate schill.” Sam was blatantly laughing at him, and Bucky glared.

“He’s not!” Bucky tried to keep the whine out of his voice. “He’s perfect. He… He’s brilliant, and funny, and so kind. He knows everyone’s names, literally everybody. And… And his body?” He leaned in close, conspiratorial. “Okay, you can’t repeat this, but his first session, he got hard, man. Like, hard. His dick was perfect. I just wanted to drop to my knees and—“

“Jesus.” Sam made a gagging noise. “Too much info, Bucky, come on. I may be gay, but that doesn’t mean I wanna picture you having sex.” 

“Whatever.” Bucky heaved out a sigh again, and this time, when he pillowed his head in his arms, Sam didn’t try to stop him. “I am so fucked.” 

Sam’s hand settled on his back, smacking him in a way that Bucky was pretty sure was intended to be comforting. “It’s okay, man. It’ll get better.”

***

Bucky woke up the next morning with a splitting headache and a numb left arm. For probably a too long moment, he thought he’d just slept on it wrong, cut off circulation and hadn’t woken up enough in the night to roll over. 

And then awareness cut through the hangover as he realized that he couldn’t have lost circulation because he didn’t have a left arm. Cursing under his breath, he pulled himself to a sitting position, wincing at the bright sunlight that was filtering through the window -- drunk Bucky was a dick, who hadn’t bothered closing the curtains. The prosthetic was completely dead, and he couldn’t help glaring at it like he could somehow will it back to life through sheer force of his irritation. This had happened once or twice before (the arm going dead, not the willing it back to functioning part), but it was a pain in the ass to reset, and he squinted at it as he tried to remember the proper sequence. It was entirely too early in the morning to be dealing with this shit, and he kind of wanted to punch his past self in the face for drinking this much on a work night. 

Eventually he dragged himself out of bed and into his kitchen, knocking back a glass of water and a couple advil and digging through his junk drawer until he found the instructions he’d written out the last time this had happened. He sat at the kitchen table as he opened the hidden control panel and followed the instructions, rubbing his face and then leaning into his right hand, half dozing as he waited for the reset to complete.

And then he yelped and nearly jumped out of his chair when, instead of the normal return of sensation that he’d expected, there was a sharp, jarring buzzing feeling, stretching from his fingertips right up through the nerve connectors that let him use the arm with a thought. “Aw, fuck,” he grit out, the sensation making his teeth clench and his head throb. There was an emergency shut off button -- he’d always pictured the arm going rogue and trying to murder people -- and he practically slammed it now, slumping in relief as the arm went back to being dead weight. 

“Well, fuck,” he mumbled out loud. “That’s probably not covered in the instruction manual.” He sighed, weighing his options. There was no way he’d be going in to work today; even if he could get an appointment with the prosthetics team, it would likely take up a fair chunk of his day, and until he got in, he didn’t think anyone would be thrilled with a one-armed massage. Which colossally sucked, because it was his standing appointment with Tony today, and he’d been looking forward to it all week. 

For a minute he was tempted to go in anyway, maybe get his other appointments covered but meet with Tony, ask him about it personally. Even if he hadn’t worked on it himself, the man was a genius. He’d probably have some idea of what the problem was. But Bucky knew he wasn’t really going to do that, tempting as the thought of Tony working on him personally was. He’d be cheating Tony out of massage appointment, for one thing, and while he’d gotten to know Tony well enough that he was pretty sure he wouldn’t actually mind, it just felt like a little too much of an abuse of his position for him to really be comfortable with it. 

Of course, when he finally got through to the prosthetics department, and it turned out it was going to be a three week wait before he could even get in to see somebody, and who knew how long after that before the damn thing was actually fixed, he was kind of regretting his decision. But hey, maybe Sam was right and this was the ‘getting better’ that he had been talking about. Some space from Tony would probably be good, really, let him adjust to his feelings, maybe give him the chance to accept that it was never going to happen and move on. 

He kept trying to tell himself that, but he couldn’t shake the ache at not knowing when he’d even have the chance to see Tony again. 

***

Tony’d had the morning from hell -- board meetings were awful on a good day, and when he had to spend the entire time arguing with a bunch of old men who didn’t even understand what they were talking about, it made them even worse -- but that didn’t stop him from humming to himself from lunchtime on. It was probably a sign of just how far gone he was, but knowing he was seeing James in just a few hours kept his mood up. He’d been talking with one of his work contacts at JPL the night before, and he’d mentioned some new developments that he knew James was going to lose his mind over. He was practically bouncing by the time he finally headed off for his appointment, all but bursting into the room. 

“Hey, so, guess what I just hea… Hi.” He blinked, bemused, as he was met with Louise instead. Recovering quickly, he offered her a bright smile. “Hey Louise!” 

She grinned back at him. “Hey, Tony.” Her eyebrows arched. “Long time no see.” There was something knowing in her gaze, and Tony shifted a little. 

“Yeah, uh… I guess my appointments got switched over to James, when he started working here.”

“Mmmm. Lucky you then, huh?” Louise gave him a wink. “He’s a gorgeous boy.”

And sure, of course he was, but that didn’t really explain why he wasn’t here. Louise didn’t offer any further comments on James though, just set about beginning the session, and Tony just went along with it. He was missing some social cues sometimes, but he was pretty sure demanding to know what happened to his other massage therapist would be rude at best. 

Still, despite the small talk, and Louise’s story about her trip to Prague, Tony couldn’t stop thinking about James, wondering where he was and if everything was okay. He lasted about fifteen minutes -- thankfully managing to catch an appropriate break in the conversation, before he couldn’t wait any longer and had to ask. 

“So, uh…” He closed his eyes, even though Louise couldn’t see his face anyway, and hoped that he wasn’t as obvious as he thought he sounded. “Where is James, today?” He was struck by the sudden fear that he’d made him comfortable enough to want to quit, or at least not face Tony again, and felt himself tense up. “Hope everything’s alright?” 

If Louise felt his back go tight, she didn’t comment. “Nah, everything’s fine,” she assured him. “Just a sick day.” 

Immediately Tony’s mind went to the frankly adorable image of James, curled up on his couch with a blanket, coughing and sniffling his way through his Netflix queue. He felt the inexplicable desire to take care of him, and was wondering if it would be overstepping to send him get-well flowers, or maybe soup from that tiny hole-in-the-wall diner over in Alphabet City, when he realized that Louise was still talking. 

“He mentioned something about his prosthetic not working. Said it would be a few weeks before he even gets in for an appointment, so it’ll probably be awhile before he’s back.” 

And okay, if Bucky’s arm was acting up, that was… Well, embarrassing was what it was, since it was a Stark Industries product, but more importantly, that was something that Tony could fix. He was barely conscious for the rest of the massage, mind already whirling a mile a minute as he thought of all the ways he could improve the prosthetic, how he could tailor it, increase the sensation, bring up the response time. He didn’t know what James needed specifically, but it would be easy enough to bring up the schematics for the most recent improvements, see what more could be done -- especially if he stepped in personally. 

He’d had an informal business dinner that evening, but he cancelled it as soon as Louise left the room, almost forgetting to get dressed again in his hurry to get back to his personal lab. The second he’d had JARVIS bring up the necessary schematics, he’d been beset upon by ideas, had worked through night, pausing only for a couple hours sleep on the cot he kept down there before he was back at it again. 

It was… Sometime the next day when Pepper came in, arching an eyebrow at the pants and rumpled shirt that he was still wearing from the day before. “Well. Someone’s been busy.” 

Tony hummed out a distracted answer, and Pepper stepped closer, her other eyebrow shooting up when she realized what he was working on. 

“Really, Tony?” 

Tony did look up then, eyes wide as he tried to hide his guilty expression. “What?” he asked, a little defensively. “It’s a matter of professional pride.” Pepper didn’t answer, and Tony huffed, leaning back and folding his arms across his chest. “The prosthetic stopped working! This is an SI product, and we have to stand by our products, and -- DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, PEPPER!” 

Pepper just sighed sympathetically and then leaned over, kissing his temple. “Just don’t work yourself too hard, okay? I know how you tend to throw yourself into things when you’re personally invested, and…” She pressed her palm flat against his chest, right over his heart so there’d be no mistake of what she meant. “Just take care of yourself, Tony. Make sure you eat. Get some actual rest,” she told him, heading for the door again. “And maybe take a shower!” she called back over her shoulder. “You kind of stink.” 

Tony had rolled his eyes, refusing to let her see how genuinely touched he was by her obvious concern, and though he did shower and even ordered an entire pizza, he still worked through the weekend. By Monday morning, he had a working prototype, one that was specifically tailored to James. And while he’d been supremely tempted to track down James’s address and show up with the arm as a surprise, possibly while wearing a trench coat and nothing else, he was pretty sure that was the lack of sleep talking, and quite likely a good way to end up calling Rhodey for bail (again). Forcing himself to keep a respectful, professional distance, he had instead taken it over to the prosthetics department, explaining the updates and laying out how they should be applied to all the prosthetics moving forward, and then politely suggesting that, since he’d used him as an example, they should trial it on James, and push up his appointment. Preferably to today. 

Then he’d gone up to the penthouse with plans to collapse into his bed for the next twelve hours.

If he was being totally honest with himself, there was a tiny part of Tony that had thought James would maybe call, that he’d want to thank Tony personally and in the process admit to some reciprocated feelings. But the day passed without so much as a word, and the one after that as well. By Wednesday, Tony caved and called Fred in prosthetics, who assured him that Mr. Barnes had in fact been fitted with the prosthetic arm on Monday, as… suggested, and had seemed inordinately pleased with it. 

So that was that.

Tony tried to tell himself it didn’t matter, that maybe James wouldn’t have known just how much of an overhaul the arm had received, or even realized that Tony had been the one to do it. Tried to tell himself that it wasn’t a rejection, that it hadn’t changed anything between them. Or hell, maybe it was a rejection. Either way he had to move on with his life. He was going to Rhodey and Sam’s that night for tacos -- because they were that married couple -- so he could focus on the people he knew loved him back. 

Of course, this newfound resolve lasted long enough for him to let himself in the front door of the house and throw himself on the couch, ignoring Rhodey’s attempts at beating whatever video game he was playing in favour of shoving his head in his lap. “Rhodeyyy,” he whined. “I don’t understand. Why doesn’t he just love me?” 

“Oh jesus,” Rhodey muttered, making a half-hearted attempt to shove Tony’s face off his knee. 

“Rude. You’d think you’d have more sympathy. I very clearly remember more than one occasion of having to pour you into bed after getting drunk and crying over your ‘unrequited’ love for Sam.” 

Rhodey gave an exaggerated sigh. “Oh boy. Here we go again.” 

Tony ignored that, snuggling in closer. “This would be easier with you, Honeybear. Even if you worked for me, you’ve never taken me seriously anyway, no abuse of power, right? Let’s start dating again!” 

Giving up on his video game, Rhodey rubbed a hand over his forehead. “I’m with Sam now!”

“That’s fine! The more the merrier!” 

“Oh my god,” Rhodey muttered, laughing despite himself. 

“I built him a new arm, Rhodey!” 

“What’s going on now?” Sam asked, walking into the room with a round of beer and an arched eyebrow, and the impeccable timing of a man sensing that his husband was in need of rescue.

“Don’t ask,” Rhodey told him, not quite cutting off Tony as he launched into a very detailed overview of his long and tragic love story. Rhodey covered his mouth. “Tony’s pining again,” he added succinctly, before scrunching up his face when Tony licked his hand in retaliation. 

“Ah,” Sam laughed sympathetically, sliding the bottles across the table as he settled into the armchair. “Your physiotherapist, right?” 

“Close enough,” Tony muttered, finally pulling away so he could sit up and drink the beer without spilling it all over himself -- never let it be said that Tony didn’t learn from his mistakes. “Point being, I’m in a position of power. If I make any kind of a move I’m gonna be that guy, which is the last thing I want. And then it’s all. ‘Does he really want me? Did he say yes because he thought he had to? Is that gonna define our whole relationship?’ That’s if he even feels that way.” Sam was eyeing him suspiciously, and Tony finally sighed, giving him a somewhat dirty look. “Okay, what? Are you making fun of me too?” 

“No, I’m not making fun of you,” Sam assured him. 

“I am,” Rhodey muttered, just loud enough for Tony to hear. Sam ignored him. 

“I’ve just got the strangest sense of deja vu right now. I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”

“Probably because it’s the only conversation Tony has lately,” Rhodey offered. “And I’ve recounted it to you so many times that you feel like you were there.” 

Tony stuck his tongue out at him. “Hey Rhodes? Fuck you.” 

Of course, Rhodey couldn’t take that lying down, and they very quickly devolved into a wrestling match, with added effect of Sam worrying so much about the two of them destroying the antique vase inherited from his grandmother that he completely forgot to try and parse out why the conversation had seemed so familiar. 

***

At least, he forgot about it until the next day, when he was meeting Bucky for lunch. He’d barely sat down when Bucky came bursting into the restaurant, looking around wildly. He spotted Sam and nearly knocked over an entire (thankfully empty) table in his rush to get to him. 

“Holy shit!” he yelped, apparently uncaring of the dirty look that earned him from the elderly couple a few tables over. “Guess what he did!” 

Sam blinked at him, utterly lost. “Guess what… Who did what now?” 

Apparently too overwhelmed to properly explain, Bucky started waving his left arm wildly through the air, catching his water glass and nearly sending it flying. “He built me an entirely new fuckin’ arm, Sam.” 

For the briefest of moments, Sam thought he was having an entire out of body experience. “He… He built you an arm,” he repeated weakly. Bucky was too busy gesticulating and waxing poetic to notice as Sam’s mind melted for a minute. “Of course he did. Because my idiot and Rhodes’s idiot are the same fuckin’ pair of idiots.” 

And then, because he wouldn’t be a real friend if he didn’t try to get the maximum amount of possible entertainment out of this, he grinned. 

“Hey, Buck? Why don’t you come with me ‘n Rhodey to the SI gala tomorrow night? Rhodey’s got a… contact. I’m sure we could get you an extra ticket. And hey, maybe your hunk of handsome’ll be there, huh?”

The way that Bucky’s face went pale, mouth opening and closing like he couldn’t even comprehend the idea, was absolutely priceless. 

@tonystarkbingo 

[thesilverdragoon]

By Order of the Exarch

Previous: Bumps and Bruises

Next: To Amh Araeng

“I’m supposed to what?”

“By the order of the Crystal Exarch himself, you are to show him around and to report his training progress specifically to me, is that understood?”

Gennar stared at Captain Lyna in disbelief before glancing directly behind her towards the road leading away from the construction grounds. “...Yes, er… where is he?”

Lyna turned her gaze in the same direction, though it was more pointed towards the sky above the woods. “He will be arriving by amaro soon. Make sure you have your priorities in order before then.”

“Aye Captain...”

With a singular silent nod, she left him.

Gennar let out a small grumble. Babysitting? That freak of all people? Something about that hardly sounded right to him, ‘orders from the Crystal Exarch’ or not.

That day out in the road… That fellow-whoever-he-was was dangerous. A beast among their ranks. And yet the Exarch himself insisted upon it?

Still, it wasn’t his nor anyone else’s to question such a decision. Surely the Exarch knew of things that they did not. He only had their best interests in mind, after all.

It wasn’t long before the particular screech of what could only come from an amaro rang out from overhead. The creature flew around the site in a wide arc before lowering itself down rather daintily on the landing platform they had just finished building the day prior.

‘Dainty’ was not a word that could have been used to describe its passenger however.

Gennar immediately felt his face fall into something of a scowl. There he was.

He’d seen the strange elf from afar only a handful of times back at the Crystarium, wandering around with his eyes about to pop out his head as though he’d never seen such a magnificent place before. He probably hadn’t. Arval wouldn’t stop talking about him either. ‘The man from Eulmore’ he said, and Fenick always made a grimace anytime he was mentioned.

The last thing he’d said to either of the boys was to stay away from him.

And while he was glad that the man(monster?) was here with him instead? Gennar hadn’t the foggiest idea how to deal with him.

“Pull your foot up- the other way- THE OTHER WAY!!” The Zun handler on the platform bellowed at the man as he tried to yank his foot away from the amaro (who hardly looked distressed about it and kept chewing on whatever cud it still had.)

“It’s STUCK I told you!-”

With a sharp SNAP the leather strap on the seat broke and the elf fell backwards as the Zun handler let out another roar. “You HALFWIT old FOOL- you owe me a new saddle!!”

The longer Gennar watched, the less fear he felt.

This was to be his charge? This pathetic old man?

Before the situation flew out of hand any further than it already had, he came over, “Alright, alright- what’s going on here?”

The Zun’s nostrils flared as it looked down at him in a rage. “Is this one one of your own?”

“He is now, I’m afraid, on order of Captain Lyna and the Crystal Exarch.”

“Hmph. Tell your captain then that I will require a new saddle.” The handler snorted.

Gennar sighed. “Yes, yes, fine. You!” He pointed at the elf who in turn pointed at himself once he’d gotten back onto his feet. “Yes you-” Gennar paused, shutting his eyes for a prolonged second as he gathered himself mentally. “You’re the traveler on the road we had run into before?”

“Y-yes! That’s right. Er-… The Exarch- he arranged something with Captain Lyna and had me sent out this way to help?”

Gennar eyed the old man up and down critically once again.

“...Your uniform’s in order at least. Good. But you’ve no weapons with you.”

“Ah- well-”

“I hope you’re not expecting to fight off eaters with your bare hands. Fancy prosthesis or not.”

“It-”

“Nevermind,” He shook his head. “We’ll get your a spare sword to work with. There’s still a matter of overseeing your training. I’m sure Captain Lyna filled you in on that much at least?”

“She did,”

“Good. Come on then.”

The Zun eyed them as they left, making sure to remind them, “I want my saddle by the end of the week, Gennar!”

Gennar ignored him and continued walking. “This is the Ostall Imperitive. Or at the very least, it will be, once construction’s finished. We’ve only just started as you can see. It’s rather dangerous hauling any amount of supplies out here this far into the wood, especially when the eaters are worked up into a frenzy as they have been the last few weeks.”

“Why is that?”

“Well that’s the mystery isn’t it?” He turned to face the old man, shrugging in exasperation. “And you are…?”

“Vesevont.”

“Vesevont. Right, anyhow… once we get you a sword we can start on some basic sparring after I’ve made my rounds along the outside of the tower.”

“The tower?” Vesevont tilted his head back as they headed straight for the aforementioned and uncompleted tower-to-be. “Oh, I wasn’t sure what that was going to be. It seemed a bit too large for any sort of watchtower.” “On the contrary, that’s exactly what it’s going to be. On the outside anyway. The inside will provide us valuable storage space for extra supplies and the like that the others will need.”

The two fell into a temporary bit of silence as they started up the ramp that curled around the structure. Scaffolding surrounded the base of the tower and followed the ramp alongside them, every soldier working on their assigned areas with brick and mortar.

Every so often Gennar would catch a glance at Vesevont looking around wide-eyed, much like he demonstrated back in the city. Was it that uncommon to see soldiers building something? Was any of this here unfamiliar to him at all? It seemed like it.

Maybe something was wrong with him (well of course there was.)

They paused as a mystel crossed their path carrying a bucket of mortar. “Morning Gennar!”

“Morning Zalsi-Mae, how’s progress on this side? Do you have what you need?”

“Aye sir, gonna hoist up the elevator so I can work on a higher section! The wind’s died down, now seemed like the perfect time.”

“Just be careful.”

“Aye sir!” On she went.

Ves watched her go for a brief moment before turning his attention back to Gennar. They continued along, greeting several other people here and there until they reached the ‘top’ of the tower, though it was clear that this was going to only a mid-section of it. “Do you know how long it will take to finish this building?” He asked.

“If all remains on schedule, which is likely won’t, then perhaps at the end of the month or so? You can’t really predict eaters and what they’ll do. Not all the time, anyway.” Gennar crossed his arms as they looked out over the construction site and the violet forests beyond. The Crystal Tower loomed in the distance like an ever-watchful giant, hovering over the woods. Un-moving. “...Where are you from anyhow? I don’t recognize your accent.”

The old man tore his attention away from the view. “Huh?” He stammered a bit, “W-well, strange thing that. I don’t really remember.”

Gennar rolled his eyes. “I see. Something about Fae was the word on the street, I believe.”

Ves swallowed noticeably and nodded. “Yes, that’s right.”

“And what about...” Gennar lowered his voice and glanced behind himself for just a moment. “...That creature?”

Immediately Ves tensed up and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Creature?”

“Yes, that thing we saw you turn into when we found you wandering on the northern past. That thing?” How could he forget? Gennar furrowed his brows in the most confrontational way possible as he began drumming his fingers impatiently against his arm. “Did you forget what you did to that large sin eater that nearly killed you?

You should have been dead. And yet here you are as though nothing ever happened.”

“O-oh yes, that!” Ves grinned a very lop-sided grin. “It’s funny- I don’t really remember that part either! All of a sudden… there everyone was and then it got dark- and then we were back in the city.”

“It’s not funny.” Gennar ran a hand down the side of his face, now frustrated. “Forgive me, but I think any normal, sane person would consider your ability to do whatever it was that you did to be extremely dangerous to those around you.

How am I or anyone else to know you might not suddenly attack one of us?”

“I wouldn’t do that!”

“So you CAN control this strange power!”

“No!- I just-”

“Just what then??”

Ves couldn’t hold eye contact the entire way through, and ultimately turned away, with his fingers digging into his hair.

“I want you to prove to me that you’re not dangerous before I even begin sparring with you. Captain Lyna’s orders or not.” Gennar demanded, though, not so loud that everyone could hear their conversation.

Damn the Exarch’s orders. Sure, he came shortly after Vesevont had destroyed the elite sin eater, but he wasn’t there to watch him change into that dark, toothy monstrosity. He wasn’t there to see what he did to it.

“How am I supposed to prove something like that?! I don’t suppose you have another one of those warrior-eaters lying around for me to demonstrate on, do you?” Ves snapped back, annoyed.

“No- but-” A strong gust of wind blew past them, and they could hear the scaffolding rattle all around the tower. Only, there was a sharp CLANK and a sudden scream that rang out, causing the two of them to bolt back down the way they’d come.

“What’s going on?-” Gennar came towards the edge of the ramp where there were others gathered, in clear distress. “Zalsi! What are you doing down there?!”

“Th-the elevator s-somehow came untied- one side fell down here- get me DOWN from here!” The mystel guard from earlier clung onto the side of the tower wall as best as she could while also hanging onto the elevator platform. Its rope had snagged onto some extruding part of the structure and was bobbing back and forth in the wind.

“Well don’t just stand there with your jaws hanging open!”

“W-we can’t- if there’s another gust of wind she might tip over all together! And we can’t reach that far down!” Another one of the hum guards interjected.

“Then go down to the bottom to catch her! Or SOMETHING!” Gennar snapped, pushing several of the lingering guards out of his way. “Come on!!”

“Do we have any extra rope?” “No! I mean maybe- it’s all back down at the-” “Well go look for some!”

Once they had gone and more of the others started moving around looking for rope, Vesevont approached the edge cautiously.

Despite only being halfway up the tower structure, it was still a long way down to the ground below. High enough that anyone who fell from up this high would be seriously hurt at the very least.

Another strong gust came, causing the platform to sway dangerously from side to side as Zalsi cowered from where she was.

“Not gonna be good,” A voice whispered into his ear.

Ves swallowed. “Not here,” He muttered back as a third gust battered against the tower.

The elevator platform began to slip, slowly. “Oh- no no no-” Zalsi shrieked again as it slid further, grinding against the wall of the tower.

“Th-they’re going to catch you! Or get a rope- don’t worry!” Ves shouted, unhelpfully.

“Don’t WORRY?! YES I’LL TRY THAT!!”

“S-SORRY-”

With a final and sudden creak, the elevator platform dropped.

“FORGET IT, JUMP-”

Ves hardly was able to take a breath when his entire body violently lurched forward, launching him off the ramp and down the side of the tower (shrieking and all.)

His arm turned black and flew towards Zalsi, wrapping around her waist in mid air as the rest of him twisted to face the sky. His prosthetic took on the same dark tendril-like form in an instant, shooting back towards the edge where they had just stood, halting their descent quite suddenly.

By the time Gennar and the other guards who followed him reached the ground below them, they could all see the two hanging there.

“G-GENNAR SIR??” Zalsi-Mae stammered, ears pinned back as she kept turning her head to look up at a dangling Vesevont who hung in between herself and the ramp above them.

“Wh-” Gennar clapped his hands on top of his head in the same fashion Ves had done before, fingers digging into his scalp.

“How’s he doin’ that?”

“I’ve never seen magic like that!”

“That’s the man who turned into that monster on the road! I heard about ‘im!”

Just what had the Exarch given them?

Or rather, who??

[ranekvilmas]

Uraveled (Chapter 1, Part 4)

One moment, two of staring at him with wide eyes, uncertainty at war within her. The stalemate shatters when he speaks--interpreted as a desperate plea for help, the druid does all she can think of: she smashes a paw into his head just hard enough to hopefully knock him out. Whether she succeeds or not, the resumed sound of footsteps drives her to once again grab hold of him and drag him into the city and towards his bakery.

The blow dazes him hard, fighting consciousness for a few moments before darkness claimed him. The fight is abruptly cut off as the mind hazes over, his body relaxing and able to be carried without any trouble or flailing.

Inside, his battle with the wolf did not stop. The pain and fighting of his own body eased the stains on him, having able to fight the serum that was still in his veins without the excruciating pain and mind-numbing ache. 

However, deep in the recesses of his mind, it was still chaos. The wolf's howl was a whirlwind of noise and a sensation of being pinned down, making it hard to fight back. But this was his mind. His body. He prevailed a decade and a half ago, and he could do it again. He drew in close his humanity, his self-discipline, the training and mantras he drilled into his mind when he broke free. Then came the parts of his mind he harbored, the things he cared about most in the world, and what gave him the best resolve.

Upon reaching the bakery, Blythe releases her shapeshifted form to try the door. Should it not give, she breaks the lock via sheer pressure in her ursine form. Ranek can bill her for the repairs later. The door was still locked, and under the force of a bear, it gave way.The runes and protective wards pulsed, but nothing came to effect. Once inside, she drags him up the stairs and to the bed, where she ignores her bleeding flesh and eye and focuses instead of locating rope with which to tie him down. And tie him down she does, as no chances can be taken with feral worgen.

(Art by twitter user Kagesatsuki)

Only once she's certain her work is satisfactory does the druid locate a surgical needle and thread within her pack and begin carefully stitching herself up. Her hands shake and her depth perception is even further ruined than usual by her dead eye lying closed tight, lashes sealed together with blood. The gash skips across to the bridge of her nose, a smaller slice in her cheek from the same swipe.

It's likely there, sitting in a chair by the bed and with needle and thread in-hand, that Ranek finds her when finally he finds control and consciousness.

As the fight went on inside the depths of his mind, his body twitched a few times as Ranek began seizing control little by little. He raged with the wolf, their howls pushing each other back until the Gilnean dug as deep as he could, opening doors in his mind he kept locked from everyone. He had conditioned himself long ago to harbor certain parts of his life away from the inner wolf, for this very reason. 

He remembered the druids that taught him control and inner peace. He remembered the emotions he shared with past lovers. He brought the affections and emotions he shared with Blythe, Quin, Valis, and the friends he had made along the way to the forefront, remembering who he was. He chanted the catechisms he memorized for years to tame the wild animal in his soul, slowly making the red rage bleed away.

About an hour passed when Ranek took a gasping breath, struggling against his bonds and looked around in a panic. "Blythe? Quin?" His vision was blurry from the concussion and mental strain. He looked around, blinking furiously with yellow eyes.

At his side, still seated, still working to stitch her many words, Blythe jolts slightly when Ranek wakes so abruptly. She offers him silence and a wary stare, every muscle tense, every instinct keeping her on high alert. He could spring at any moment, after all.

"I'm 'ere," she manages to reassure, her words hardly more than a whisper and so shaky they all but rattle between her teeth. "Are ye... you again?" Needle meets flesh once more, her ministrations having briefly paused to make way for the wash of fear.

What deft fingers remain twist and weave the stitching thread in her shoulder, tying it in a way that will help prevent it from tearing when she moves in a shapeshifted form. She keeps her blind eye closed, having done little for it aside cleaning the blood away--after all, eyes can't be stitched, and the slice through it is, or at least feels, disturbingly deep. Best not scare him with that immediately.

And so it's from the corner of her right eye that she watches him rather than her handiwork with the stitches.

It took him a few moments to slowly calm down against the restraints.  "What... how did we get here?" He asked openly, looking around his bedroom. "What exactly happened to me? One second I was fine, then... he shot me. I lost all control over myself, like I was back in Gilneas during the outbreak. I could..." Blythe takes a slow breath to explain, but pauses when he continues. She stares at him with her good eye slightly wide, her lips barely parted, then pushes herself to her feet--barely weak in the knees, somewhat stiff in the spine. She keeps her back facing away from him so he can't see the marks of his claws there--and holds out the hand not clutched around her half-finished stitching. "Rane'. Rane', stop. Slow down, lad," the druid attempts to soothe, her tone stern in an attempt to yank him back to the surface.

He snapped his head to her. "Gods... oh gods what did I do to you?" He tried to reach out to her, but the thick rope would not let him budge. His still yellow eyes bulged as he looked over at his love. "Gods... I hurt you again. I keep..." He pulled against the ropes. "What the fel happened to me!? Years... years of training and all the work I have done in the last year.. all undone." He sagged suddenly, despair and sorrow written all over his face as he grinded his teeth. 

"I' was a potion. I' wasn' yer faul'. I managed t' ge' th' dar' ou' o' ye an' sen' i' t' th' local alchemis' while ye were ou'. They go' back t' me a few minutes ago," she explains, settling back down in her chair with a grimace. "It's a potion tha' reignited th' curse temporarily in sane worgen... an' allows 'im an' only 'im t'... control them. I thin' 'e's been dosin' th' worgen in th' woods with i'."

Drawing a deep breath, Blythe runs a hand through her hair. "Ligh'... th' disappearances, th' mass gatherin's o' worgen in th' woods, th' insane 'owlin'... 'e mus' be tryin' t' perfec' i' by makin' worgen as... as experimen's."

"All I do is hurt you. And anyone I care about...." His eyes welled up, seeing her hurt once more tore at his heart. "Blythe.. I am so sorry.. You need to run away from me, one day I am going to get you killed." He struggled once more, trying to tear at himself. 

But back to the present. Blythe's one-eyed gaze snaps back to her love when she forcibly recenters herself on the needs at hand. "Ye cu' me up a bi', bu' 'tis nothin' bad, love. Don' bea' yerself up, aye? Once yer no' a threa' t' yerself--don' thin' I don' know why yer strugglin'--I'll untie ye. Fer now, ye ge' t' keep me company while I finish these stitches."

There was still a bit of haze in his mind, his rapid blinking and struggling against the bonds were signs of his unease of being so contained. Her words poured into him, helping to calm and get him to close his eyes to focus. The wolf was back to it's normal symbiotic relationship with Ranek, but the damage was done. The wounds suffered when the brand was destroyed were ripped open in places and it made focusing hard, not to mention the agitated wolf was not making concentration easy.

As she explained, her voice and his need of information kept his focus on her, anything to draw away from the darkness. 

As he looked her over, he noticed the closed eye, but before he could question, his hands curled into fists and a low growl came from his throat.  "He.... is experimenting? All those people..." He growled again. "Kill.. them.. All."

"Tha's... m' theory, a' leas'," the druid sighs as she stands. Hobbling feet carry her to the nearby mirror, exposing her torn back to Ranek, so she can inspect her eye. A click of her tongue, and she steps back to her chair, blind eye once again tightly shut. "I intend t'. M' wonder is... if'n 'e is experimentin', tryin' t' perfec' tha' potion, is 'e goin' t' sell i' t' th' 'orde? Make an army o' 'is own? I jus' don' know."

As the words left his lips, the wolf howled inside of him once more. He wanted to rend and tear, kill and eat. But this time Ranek steeled himself from the bubbling rage, taking a breath and mentally chanting the catechisms and mantras, holding the wolf down. 

Her voice once more brought him back to peace, his hand stretching to touch her fingers, as much as the rope allowed. "Just like your stomach.. I will never forgive myself for hurting you again. Please forgive me, love." He pleaded at her, the emotions and feeling flooding him as his eyes returned to normal. "Do not release me. I have control, but the concussion and tearing in my head.. I do not know how solid the hold is."

She opens her good eye, which she wasn't aware of closing, to stare at their woven fingers. With a sigh, she squeezes his hand. "There's nothin' t' fergive," she soothes, her voice soft. "Wha' can I do t' 'elp resolidify yer control?"

“I do not know, Blythe.” He said softly, sitting back on the bed and sighing heavily. But a small chuckle left his throat, looking up at the druid. He gave a weak smile at her. "I thought the first time you tied me up would be a bit more.... Sexy."

(Artist is unknown)

Her serious concern vanishes with snorted laughter at his jest, a bright, amused smile splitting her lips. She covers he face with her free hand as she laughs, only to wrench away and hiss when she barely puts pressure on her blind eye though the lid.

Her back made him wince, more guilt and anger rising in him. He strained on his restraints, growling softly at the thought of hurting her.But her laugh brought him back once more, giving her a small wink. But her hissing made him squeeze her hand. "Still beautiful, Blythe." Ranek listened to her, sighing softly. "Either way, it needs to be stopped. I want to help you, I want a piece of that bastard." His eyes blazed in her direction. "I want to pay back.." 

Another sigh, and a heavy breath. "But I am a liability to you, and this fight. More setbacks because I keep hurting you, putting you in danger." He squeezed her hand. "And we both know it is the truth. However.. I will not let it willingly happen again. I will seek a way to protect myself, Blythe." He squeezed her hand again, rubbing the nubs of her missing fingers. 

"As for the control, I just need time. My rune is drained again, and the mental wards are cracked, which will just need to be replaced. Plus.. with what I did to you, we both need to recuperate." He looked at her, eyes focusing on her molten gaze.

"Ye 'ad no control over wha' 'appened ou' there. Tha' potion could override even me, an' I don' 'ave th'... separa'e wolf tha' others 'ave. Maybe because I don' remember bein' 'uman." She returns every squeeze to her hand gently, watching him with that tired, careful half-gaze. "Jus' don' blame yerself fer wha' i' did t' ye. Yer no' a liabili'y, an' ye didn' 'ur' me."

Her words offered some comfort, his strain and anger beginning to fade as he took a small breath to relax. "I should have been able to resist it. I have been like this for over twelve years.. honed the connection to the wolf. I have a rune on my chest.. this damn thing has resisted a Void creature.. but one man undoes that with one dose. How?" Frustration bleeds from his voice, his free hand becoming a fist. "I will beat it. No matter what it takes."

With a sigh, the druid pushes herself to her feet once more and releases his hand. She steps to scoop up a loose flannel shirt she keeps at his home and pulls it on to hide her stitched back. "I need t' visi' th' nearby infirmary an' ask them t' check ou' m' eye. Avoid infection, see wha' they thin' I should do fer i', an' all. Will ye be alrigh' while I'm gone? Ye should ge' some sleep." While she speaks, she twists to face him, continuing to keep her damaged eye closed. Her remaining eye sets on his features, worry-filled and searching.

"Do not worry about me, Blythe. I will be here when you get back. I will contemplate what happened today, and work on communing with the wolf.. mend that fractured state between it and I." He gave her a confident smile and nodded. "See you soon, darlin'."

"Alrigh'. I'll be back within a couple hours, 'opefully. I've lef' ye yer enchan'ed stone so ye can contac' me withou' needin' yer 'ands. Jus' call on me if'n ye need anythin'," the druid states, then steps for the bedroom door.

"See you soon enough." He tries to wave, settling back into the bed and took a few calming breaths as Blythe left the house.

He decided to get to work immediately, closing his eyes and focusing inward. The wolf was still agitated and stalked aimlessly through his mind, the barriers he put up to keep it from roaming freely were shattered and had to be mended. 

To do so would take time, once more having to reach peace with the curse that manifested as the beast within. There had to be another unspoken agreement, Ranek had to exert that he was the alpha of the pair through force.

@theunfortunatedruid​ Mentions: @beautiful-beacon​, @irielle-firine​, @valishoneybee​