#i am a little resentful

[performing-personhood]

I'm sitting here trying to sell off my pint glass collection, old beer shirts, and household items to make a couple hundred extra dollars.

I quit drinking in spring of this year, I told everyone it was because of my new antidepressant but it was also secretly about saving money on beer.

I cancelled all of my patreon pledges.

I've spent less than a hundred bucks on clothes this entire year.

I compulsively add coupons to my grocery store club card.

I limit my snack purchases to x1 $5 box of Little Debbies per grocery trip, and two twelve-racks of the cheapest sodas and seltzers that I can find per month.

I DO smoke cigarettes but I don't smoke at all during the daytime, and I go through maybe two packs per week.

Because I've been unemployed since my complete emotional breakdown in July of 2021 (and then remained unemployed because my widowed isolated father's cascading series of breakdowns in the time hence left me without the Spoons to process and move on from my failed 20-year career) I've gone out of my way to reduce my spending as much as possible to offset the income I'm not bringing in. I've made big changes to my lifestyle in the service of making ends meet.

Meanwhile, in the month of October alone, my (employed, breadwinner, half-pack-a-day smoker) partner spent $375 at various gas stations for beer and tobacco, and has made precisely zero changes to his lifestyle.

As the bill-paying half of the relationship, does anyone wanna tell me how the fuck I'm supposed to have this conversation? Ideally without my partner dissolving into a heap of familial-trauma-based insecurities and self-loathing??

[chiropteracupola]

iskierka iskierkaaaaaa my honeycake my thousand-times darling i love you i love you i love you i love youuuu

[tizzymcwizzy]

my final project for my writing class! we were tasked to examine some learning moments from the past semester, and these are the four i chose

in order it's: going grocery shopping by myself for the first time, learning that i can't function on a low social battery, learning to email my professors for extensions, and learning to persevere through final projects

[crustyfloor]

brain vomit....When Mizi sees Sua I wonder if a part of her feels angry for what she did in round 1, in the way Sua haunts her perspective, Mizi sees her as her 'antagonist', and it's her own personal torture having to see her again even when she's gone. In the way Luka was taunting her, reminding her of her own naivety, she felt that when Sua holding her face so tenderly, the bitterness was the same. Leaving her in the dark for all that time just to let it all crash down on Mizi when the time came, her sacrifice, her betrayal was just that and Mizi is left alone knowing that she and Sua had never been on the same page.

And with that sadness, rage, and overwhelming grief culminated all in one she projects that into her outburst on Luka, for playing with her feelings, pushing her to the limit like this, and on Sua, for not being honest with her in the first place. for abandoning her.

[beanghostprincess]

I’ve been thinking about things and do you think one of the things that irks Buggy most about the damn straw hat is that not only that Roger gave it to his best friend as a sign of his faith in him while he himself never got an acknowledgment like that, not only had Shanks the GALL to give that hat away to someone else, but also because Buggy never had anything like this to remember Roger by?

Shanks got the damn hat, something that belonged to Roger and he cherished and loved, it’s basically a heirloom at this point and Buggy got… nothing. Oh of course Roger probably brought some stuff for Buggy back sometimes, gave him some knives or got him a silly shirt or something likewise when he was a teen, but Shanks was the only one of them who ever got his hands on something that belonged to Roger. Buggy emulates his old captains style sometimes, copies the big coat and the flashy outfits because he had such high admiration for this man, but by god would he have slitted throats to even have something as simple as one of his captains old bandanas to remember him by. If he ever gotten gifted an old coat by him he wouldn’t even wear the damn thing because even tough it technically has no worth, it would be the most priceless thing Buggy owns and he would fuss over it constantly.

A lone earring, a rusty knife, a coat button, something, anything! Anything would have done, but no, Shanks got to keep something of their old captain that he had loved and cherished… and Shanks gave it away without a second thought.

Its just pain station for me tonight and this sailed into my head

What happened to hello how are you 😭 Why making me cry,,, Stop,,,

But I actually think about this a lot. A lot. I adore Shanks and I doubt he even thought about it when he gave the hat to Luffy, but even if it was a bet for the future and he did it with the best of intentions, the pain Buggy must've felt seeing a complete stranger (a kid, too) wearing his captain's (dad) hat? Honestly, he already saw Shanks as a coward and a disgrace for not wanting to follow Roger's steps right away, and the fact that he gave the hat to somebody else just makes Buggy resent Shanks more for, not only not appreciating the one thing their captain left for them, but not even asking Buggy first. Lke, it'd be a ridiculous conversation because Buggy would be like "you should've told me" and Shanks would've gone like "you were the one who left", so uhh, the fight wouldn't go anywhere, really.

The point here is that I constantly think about Buggy seeing Luffy and obviously realizing he's the future and agreeing with Shanks in that aspect (reluctantly) but still seeing it as unfair that Shanks did this. Because he didn't have enough by keeping the one thing their captain left behind, but he had to give it away to somebody else as if it weren't important when Buggy didn't have anything.

Once again going into the "Roger liked Shanks better" discourse, but I'm hopeful we will get more stuff about Roger and Buggy's dynamic. I hope.... I hope...

[stardustdiiving]

I notice Nahida is portrayed as frustrated or scolding of other characters (usually Wanderer) in fanon often but to be honest I don’t think Nahida really has that much of a temper where she defaults to that sort of thing very much….She can be angry and firm as needed but I really don’t think that’s her first instinct on how to assert herself in a lot of cases.

She instead really strikes me as someone who primarily gets upset when it’s on behalf of other people or someone embodying ideas she finds very devoid of care and compassion for others….but struggles to really be angry on her own behalf. Like, it’s pointed out it’s only until she’s actively being rescued that she finally says she’s angry at the Sages, and while she is openly angry then we see later everyone comments on how they seem to have gotten off days, which I touched on in this post and feel u can infer from that this idea Nahida struggles to be harsh even towards to the people who kept her in a cage for 500 years—which makes when u see how much she rationalizes being treated like this earlier on. She ultimately seems more concerned with the Sages mistreatment of her people vs their mistreatment of Nahida herself.

This feels consistent to why she seems pretty visibly disgusted with Dottore when they have their negotiation. Dottore is more or less an antithesis to everything she believes about wisdom and embodies a lot of malice and cruelty that Nahida would be really disturbed by. I personally like to write her lack of a temper in some areas as something that seems almost troubling — bc on one hand she’s very forgiving and kind despite through being a lot, but on the other this seems like it might be rooted in just genuinely not allowing herself to be angry to protect herself. But yeah overall I think unless you’re really causing an issue Nahida is more likely to give you a kind of frazzled sad puppy look and very politely ask you to be better as opposed to hitting you with a sandal or scolding you for it

In the case of her relationship with Wanderer specifically I’ve like, talked about how I feel people overlook the fact Wanderer makes a genuine effort to cooperate with Nahida and doesn’t really fight with her much…so i don’t think they’re often bickering with each other to the point Nahida has to get really firm with him. She seems to have a pretty interesting amount of patience with him especially post AQ, which again I think is helped by the fact Wanderer is genuinely trying to cooperate and she sees that. We do see her ask Traveler + Scaramouche to stop bickering in Inversion of Genesis but she is in my opinion very polite and at most a bit awkward about it, not scolding or irritated

[daftpatience]

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

[wistfulwatcher]

2.08 IT CHOOSES | 1.03 THE DOLLHOUSE

[ghostsessioned]

hi

[calikitters]

this song makes me so unwell because it is sooooo quintessentially pjo like every character has a line here it's insane I'm sobbing so hard

[prettyboykatsuki]

idk if i sent this ask already but the feeling is so much stronger now. i want to baby those bllk men so much theyre so insufferably lovesick its so delightful

me about isagi so bad . him and rin and bachira i would not be able to stop myself from cooing at them. it is some kind of sickness and disease. i genuinely think about it so much KJDSFHFKJD. it makes up so much of my bllk daydreaming....

isagi is my beloved so forreal but being honest there is something . something about rin itoshi that makes me want to coddle him so fucking badly KJFDSJSDK. i know he would hiss and bite at me like cat but i want to do it so bad... i need to pinch his cheek... need to praise him... i can't believe what writing him has done to me i didn't even like the guy a couple months ago .

but he is just sooo... he truly activates the worst of my service top habits. its such a sickness anon it literally plagues me to think about it.

its the same for isagi though i think his reaction is a bit more cutesy when he's being pampered. it's sweet and thoughtful - very charming in a diff way from rin !!! he's like ... quite embarrassed and incredibly loveable the whole itme. isagi appreciates the being pampered and he's good at adapting to his partner, though he can't fully let himself indulge in it (a pride thing). rin is also embarassed but he wants to fight about it.

the only who really lets you spoil spoil him though is in my mind bachira. he loveeesss being spoiled and looked after and kissed and cuddled and he will simply not feel any embarrassment about it ever. he IS your baby and everyone should know actually. he will crawl into your lap or have you pulled into his... actively asks you for praise and attention (and gets . alarmingly aggressive when you're busy. he is a danger to society) but when he's happy he's like a docile sweetheart.

[francesderwent]

so I heard you wanna talk religion in ttpd! let’s talk I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can).

“they shake their heads saying ‘God help her’ when I tell ‘em he’s my man.” this isn’t the outright controlling judgment of the saboteurs in But Daddy I Love Him. nobody is trying to tell her what to do or force her to break up. this is a simple admission that the situation she’s in is difficult, that she’s chosen a hard path and needs help. and what is her response? “your good Lord doesn’t need to lift a finger, I can fix him, no really I can.” she admits salvation is needed. but Taylor is casting herself as the savior. she doesn’t need any help, any grace, any divine assistance. in fact, she doubles down: “only I can”. she and she alone has the power to reform this man, because of the love between them. it’s reminiscent of False God, except now the idol isn’t their love, it’s just her. she’s going to save him.

what’s interesting to me is we don’t know how the themes of salvation would have been recapitulated in light of the reversal at the end of the song, “whoa maybe I can’t”, because the song ends there. maybe she can’t fix him because he is ultimately unfixable, irredeemable, worthless. or maybe she can’t fix him because she’s not God. and honestly, I think the song is meant to leave us wondering. she’s waking up to reality, but is the reality his smallness of soul or her power trip?

so what is the blatant Christian language in this song for? is it telling us that Christianity is evil for implanting the idea of redemption into our minds when it doesn’t really exist? or is it a hint that trying to become our own gods, even with the best of intentions, is a pathway that leads only to death?

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

its 2am im posting the friend i made for Derry since they looked lonely. they're partners in crime except not bc Derry is too sleepy to participate past the idea stage

jesterly is not their real name 💅 their pronouns are whatever is funniest in the moment 💅 also i would punch them in the face if given the chance and they would deserve it

[arytha]

[ID from ALT: A fullbody digital drawing of my OC, Orvine. She is an archangel, curled up in a twisted position with her legs bent towards her chest. Her body curls in on itself, one arm reaching under the other to clutch at her own shoulder. Her head is buried in her shoulder, eyes closed. Her other arm is overextended at the elbow and hanging loosely across both her front and her side. She has two pairs of small wings attached to her head, one set framing her face and the other stretched out. Behind her is her main set of wings, curled around herself to cushion her. She herself is bright white, her wings light grey, and her dress is a pale yellow. A halo circles above her head and her outline is glowing. End ID]

Severance

[borzoibabe]

i try to be sympathetic to the fact that work exhaustion and physical ability and burnout are all individual things and the level of work that anyone can do can drastically vary and that it's not a competition and nobody here is winning but sometimes my coworkers will complain about how they're working three days a week instead of their usual two and it takes everything i have in me not to throttle them