#i am an empty shell of a human now

[sgkjd]

mmm the urge to isolate myself<33 long time no see my dear<3

[myheartxmyman]

My heart wants to be where you are, next to you. It longs for you, wants to be with you. Feel you.

But my mind is utterly confused.

[shooting-love-arrows]

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄! 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍

PAIRING: 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 x [human] reader (gender not implied/specified/mentioned) SYNOPSIS: 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 is determianted to court you (even when in his opinion it's just a formality). TW. delusional thinking, biting, mention of blood A/N: I am fighting writer's block to the best of my abilities but man, fighting Thanos would be easier than that.

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 who courts you after the very first meeting. It starts small to see if you're interested in him in the first place (in his option it's only formality but he wants to be gentlemerman). But he wants you to know he's taking the whole matter seriously. He brings you the most beautiful trinkets, pieces of coral, pearls of various sizes and colors and shells each different from another but all in perfect condition. Sometimes he even creates jewelry from an ocean plant, pearls and shells. You are often surprised to see him eagerly swimming towards you, with a bag made out of abodemen fishnet filled to the brim with various things taken straight out of the deep sea. You're even more taken aback when it turns out those things are for you. His face absolutely lights up when you accept each and every token. 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 also can't help but to chirp loudly, boldly showing you how happy he is to see you accepting his (courting) gifts. You have to admit, his reaction is adorable.

"Oh...look at this one!" 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 eagerly picked up another shell who has caught his attention. It was big and only needed a little cleaning to make it shine. "It's perfect for the necklace! Oh, oh! And look at that!"

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 who affectionately bites you whenever he gets a chance. That's the next stage of courting where an interested merfolk is supposed to nib the one he's interested in to show them they want to take courting to the next level. It's that stage where a courting couple starts to show the public that they're into each other. It served as both letting others know it's a serious matter and leaving a mark/scent on each other for the public to back off. He's got sharp canines and premolars so it's easy for him to leave a mark on your smooth skin. Marking you quickly becomes his favorite thing. Especially when he draws some blood that leaves a wonderful smell. You don't understand why 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 does that, especially when you scold him or tell him not to do that. But he doesn't stop, nibbing at whatever part of your body he can. It's part of the courting rituals after all!

"Oh no, my marks are healing." 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 deflated when he noticed the puncures began to fade. Only to quickly perk up when he realized he's got to mark you again and more.

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 who takes care of his scales like never before. This is a vital part of courting since merfolk want to look their best for their mate. He was taught that as courtier, he should look his best. And that's what 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 does. Suddenly turning from a crude merman whose only interest was hunting for food and playing around, into the beauty guru. He began to thoughtfully groom his tail, until his scales reflected and sparkled under the mere streams of sunlight. He also changed his hairstyle by braiding his hair differently to symbolize that he is now taken (even when you're unaware of that). 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 was never more beautiful.

"This just won't do." 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 tutted when he noticed his tail was becoming dull. He needed to look his absolute best for you!

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 who decorates his abode for you. After you accept his first courting gift, he happily swims back to where he lives. It's a cave hidden from the plain sight that, much to his horror, appears to be extremely empty and bland. Something that just won't do, especially for his precious mate. Without a moment of hesitation, he starts the preparation. Inside his cave he plants: seaweed, kelp, red sea whips and various colorful corals. Those are only various of many but soon enough the inside of his abode is filled with soft plants, floating lazily around and glistening with colors. On the outside though, he planted a few poisonous plants that he's immune to, since 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 doesn't want intruders to meddle somewhere where they shouldn't be. This part of the courting ritual should be done before the mating season takes place and both parties are in agreement to spend this time with each other. But as we can see, 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 just couldn't wait and decided to be prepared. After all, he believes that this whole courting matter is only formality for you to surely return his feelings and has already accepted him as your mate. Just like he did you.

"Is it colorful enough? Should I add something more? Hm, I'll better plant more of those..."

All of the published posts on this account/blog belongs to @shooting-love-arrows. I do not consent to my works being: translated, stolen, published or reposted on this and other sites. Likes, reblogs, comments are highly appreaciated. Thank you.

[dilemmaontwolegs]

For the love of god(dess) || CL16 {1}

A/N & Summary: Greek God/dess AU. This was a draft I had wasting away with reincarnation trope. Reader is the goddess of love. I don't even know what I am doing anymore lol Warnings: reader injury, blood WC: 2.2k Part One || Two

“Do you ever stop working?”

You leered across the scrying bowl to the unwelcome guest waltzing into your sanctum. “Unlike some, my work never ends.”

“Come now, I remember a time when you used to love my little soirées,” Dionysus whispered in your ear as he dipped his finger in the bowl, disturbing the still waters. The god of debauchery had never held just a little party, there was a reason hedonism and excess had been celebrated for millennia. “Take one night off. It will be one to remember.”

“Liar,” you said with a smile despite yourself. “I still don’t have any memory of the last one.”

He winked and flicked the droplet of water from his finger at you playfully, “Then I am doing my job right. It’s on earth…”

Damn, the god knew how to pique your interest. Thousands of years watching through the haze of the scrying bowl did little to capture their humanity. Whenever you could, you used to walk among them to see the fruits of your labour. 

“Love, you are eternal - yet you waste away in this…” he drifted off as he looked around the empty stone room, carvings depicting your greatest champions along the walls, “place.”

While the other gods had their golden palaces you were content in the temple that had once been filled with priestesses who served the deity you once were. A shell of who you used to be reflected back in the still water. What was the Goddess of Love with a broken heart? Cold and empty like this temple.

Your thoughts darkened and shadows crept along the walls before you took a deep breath. It had been a few decades since you had some fresh air, maybe it was for the best to get out. “Fine. One night.”

Dio grinned and swept an arm around your waist before leading you to the door. The sunlight hit your face and you cursed Apollo until your eyes adjusted to the brightness. The drunken god took one look at the white robe you wore, a silver sash tied at the waist, and tutted.

“I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but this won’t do.”

“Any other insults?” you dared as you cast a hand over yourself, the white cotton bleeding to a deep red leather skin that hugged your body and accentuated your assets. A black corset snapped at the contours of your waist and pressed your breasts up, the armour unnecessary but as familiar as breathing. The others may have forgotten the great war but your heart remembered the loss and you swore you would not leave yourself vulnerable again. 

He let out a low whistle and shook his head. 

“Oh, one more thing.” Your bow and quiver snapped into place across your back and drew a groan from Dio. “What?” Your eyes darted to the chalice that was forever held in his left hand. “You have your attachments, I have mine.”

He held his cupped hand up, wine sloshing over the rim, and pointed a finger at you. “Firstly, this is a curse - not a choice. And secondly, this is useful to drink out of.”

“Maybe you should have been more careful where you stuck your dick.”

“I didn’t know the nymph was one of Zeus’ favourites, obviously,” Dio grumbled before setting off down the path that would lead to the mortal realm.

–

Las Vegas, Mortal Realm, 2023 PIW (Post-Immortal-Wars)

You already knew the party would be a large one, but this was big even by Dionysus’ standards. Thousands of people imbibed in the free flowing alcohol and danced under strobe lights in Sin City, his favourite playground. Dio sent a mischievous wink before he touched the champagne tower and his power imbued with the liquor to increase the effect and ensure everyone was on the same level as him.

“Drink, Love,” he ordered as he tipped the rim of his glass to your lips. Sweet wine warmed your throat as much as his power did and you drank it down knowing that for at least a few minutes your cares would be diminished - but they always came back too soon. “Now dance.”

Your hips swayed and your hands found themselves moving above your head as the lights mesmerised you. Human scents came and went as they moved around you, their pheromones calling to your power as they found lovers, if only for the night. One particular scent caught your attention and you followed it to find Dio talking to the human. He had been god touched and the mark glowed on his brow - not that the mortals could see it.

“Love, this is the man of the hour,” Dio gushed, casting a hand to the party as if it were all for him. “Max here won the race.”

You didn’t know what race he was referring to, nor did you care. “Of course he did,” you stated dryly. Max was Nike’s champion and Nike was the Goddess of Victory in everything except what mattered. “Congratulations.”

You grabbed Dio’s hand and drank your fill from his cursed chalice in the hopes it would douse the fire that ignited in your veins. If Nike had fought alongside you in the war instead of wasting her time with her Olympians and their silly sports then maybe Károlos would have survived. Maybe you would do more than just survive eternity alone.

“Sorry, she doesn’t get out much,” Dio joked, clapping the victor on the arm. “Drink, my friend. The night is young and life is short.”

You slipped away into the sea of bodies, drifting through until a cool breeze called from the balcony and you escaped to the quiet. Your breath exhaled with a heaviness only an immortal could carry and a chuckle startled you.

“Fuck, not another one. Can’t I have one moment of peace?” you groaned as his scent found you before the handsome man stepped out of the shadows of the corner he had been hiding in.

“Sorry,” he apologised. “This was my hiding place first.”

The mark of the Adonis glowed beneath the dark hair that fell over his forehead and you internally scoffed at the god’s vanity. The man standing before you would have been stuck down if he showed his face in Olympus, he was far too good looking it would be considered an offence to the petty gods. And those eyes, green eyes just like...You had to look away before you could finish that thought.

“What do you have to hide from?” you asked, leaning against the rail as you watched fireworks explode among the stars. “You’re a champion.”

“You must have me confused with someone else,” he laughed bitterly.

“I know a champion when I see one.” You felt Dionysus breeze onto the balcony before you heard his drunken laugh behind you, the bitter smell of blackthorn root on his breath from the drug he had smoked.

“Love, eternal Love, I found you,” he slurred as hugged your back, the feathered fletches from the quiver of arrows irritating him. “Must you wear these prickly things?”

Before you could stop him, he ripped an arrow out, the sharpened point catching the side of your neck. A hiss of pain escaped your lips as blood trickled down your throat and the power that kept the weapons hidden from mortal sight broke with the bead of blood on the tip. 

Adonis’ champion gasped as his mind raced to piece together what he was seeing. A woman bleeding and a man holding the weapon. His eyes narrowed and he leapt at Dio, trying to wretch the bloodied arrow from him before he could attack you again. You could have laughed at how futile the attempt was for a mortal to attack a god but said god was higher than Zeus’ perch in his palace and rotten drunk off his wine. 

The fates must have been laughing their asses off as the mortal and god collided, both tumbling to the floor before the mortal screamed in pain.

A hand reached into your chest, at least that was how it felt when the fire exploded inside you. “No, no, no, no,” you cried as Dio fell away from the mortal and you saw the arrow buried in the champion's chest. “What have you done?”

The fire faded as the bond snapped into place and you hated how you suddenly feared for the mortal. That fear had you rushing to his side and falling to your knees as Dio stared at his hands. “I, I didn’t mean to,” he stammered. 

Even the mortals knew the power those arrows held, the stories were told throughout the ages of how just a nick from one could make strangers, enemies even, fall for each other in an instant. The greatest weapon of all was love and it had the power to destroy even the immortals. And Dio had just stabbed the mortal with one, coated in your blood. Blood that bonded.

You gripped the shaft and tugged the arrow out of his chest before slamming your hand over the wound and pouring your energy into it, sealing it closed. He reached for your hand that was slick with his blood and you let him hold it, unable to fight the love that came from your own power. 

“You’ll be okay,” you promised him before narrowing your eyes at Dio. “You, not so much.”

“It was an accident, I swear, it was like I couldn’t control myself. Charles just jumped-”

Your eyes flared silver as you looked back at the unearthly green shade of his eyes. Same eyes, same name, Adonis’ champion. You had foolishly thought Adonis had chosen the mortal for his beauty, but if the mortal was reincarnated then he would also bear the mark on his brow.

“Károlos,” you whispered as a feeling of rightness settled across the universe.

Charles frowned at the name but understood the tenderness in the tone, such a sweet sound. His chest no longer burned and smooth skin met his palm as he felt for the wound that had healed, but the blood on his shirt was proof he had not imagined it all. 

“Who are you?” he asked as he rose to his feet, tasting his blood on his tongue.

You flinched at the question and looked to the stars. “I go by many names, but you may call me Y/N.”

“You called me Károlos.”

“That was your name the first time you walked the earth,” Adonis said, appearing on the balcony in a flash of light. “Károlos, Karlaz, Carl, Charles - it’s always the same. A hundred lifetimes lived, always searching, always waiting. All for this moment.”

When Károlos had been killed you had stormed to the Underworld ready to bargain with Hades, but he had said Károlos wasn’t in the Elysian Fields. You hadn’t believed him in your anger. All this time, Adonis had kept his soul safe. 

You reached behind to your quiver and drew an arrow, grabbing your bow and notching it. “You had two thousand years to tell me he was alive.”

Adonis held his hands up, shifting closer to Dio ready to sacrifice him as a shield. “You think the fates would let me tell you! I did what I could but you were happy to grovel alone in your temple.”

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Charles asked, wondering why no one had come to see what was going on, except when he looked at the party everyone was frozen like the time had come to a stop.

“I was grieving! And now I will have to mourn him anew, because he’s fucking mortal!”

Adonis grinned and you debated releasing the arrow. “Are you sure about that? Is that not your blood that runs in his veins now? I can smell it on him.”

You paused. Your blood had been on the arrow, immortal blood. You and Charles had gravitated to each other without realising it and you inhaled as you leaned a little closer. There was still a hint of that fresh mortal scent but it was an undercurrent to the aether that grew stronger with each breath. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Charles snapped as you dissected him with your eyes like an experiment. “And why is no one else moving?”

You unnotched the arrow and waved the feathered end at Adonis. “We are going to have words about this later.” The beautiful god nodded before disappearing in a flash of light.

“So I'm forgiven, right?” Dio asked with a shy smile. “Told you it would be one to remember.”

You held a hand up to silence him and looked at Charles. “I don’t know how to answer your questions without making more. It might be easier if I show you.”

He accepted your hand without hesitation and you wondered how much of that was the force of the bond or because on some unconscious level his soul recognised yours. Either way, you smiled at the warmth between your skin before leaving the mortal realm behind.

“Where are we going?” he asked as the stars faded with the lights of Sin City.

“Home.”

–

For Reference: Dionysus - God of Wine and Pleasure Nike - Goddess of Victory Adonis - God of Beauty, Desire and Rebirth Károlos - (Old derivative for Charles) A warrior who was fated to be your soulmate before being killed protecting you in the Immortal Wars. Reincarnated as Charles Leclerc by Adonis. Olympus - Immortal Realm

Click here for part two.

[sukunasdirtylaugh]

I am so down bad for merman Satoru HELP

“how do humans... select to be with one another?” it’s 6am when he asks you this, and you’re laying on your side upon a large rock with a blanket you’ve brought as Satoru lays on his back. sun dust’s of sunlight peer through the sky. both you and the creature before you have managed to spend all night together, conversing.

“I think...” you pause and sigh, “it’s complicated now, but... normally people date, they go out to eat and spend time together... then they go through a period of courting until they finally marry by exchanging wedding vows, they each have a ring on their left ring finger,” you scooch closer to him before showing him your bare finger, “see?”

he nods, processing what you’ve just said as he lets out a low hum.

“and you... you’re not promised to anyone yet, are you?”

“nope,” you have no idea why you chuckle nervously, “I... I haven’t really met someone back home to marry ,” nobody wants to live their lives by the sea, nearly all men you’ve met had wanted to live in the city, which was a dealbreaker for you. almost as if your soul, your sanity required you to live here, where you could breathe.

now at the ripe age of 23, you finally understand your grandmother.

“I might just end up like my grandmother,” you tell him, glancing at your empty ring finger, “living here, making a living off of my art, but unmarried.” you feel Satoru glance at you.

“do you really find yourself unlovable?” his question catches you off guard, causing you to shrug then shake your head in silence.

“you might be the only human which I might find myself loving.” he answers, simply and fully, making your lungs seek more air until you’ve also answered.

“and you might be the only of your kind to which I take a liking to,” your eyes meet his cerulean ones, and you’re almost caught off guard by his beauty. the ocean waves crash softly at the bottom of the rock and his eyes shine like translucent shells or pearls, whatever it is, it’s beautiful. he’s beautiful.

“If you promise to stay here...” he finds himself saying, “can we... always do this? just you and I?” there’s an innocence between this interaction, less being said and more being expressed through the eyes and the air between you as you nod.

“always,” you say with certainty.

[eunseoksimp]

Omg can you please write part 2 on infatuation where a third person get involved and wonbin losing his shit , you can end it however you like , I love your writing and i am always looking forward to your post, and also no pressure at all🫶🏻

hi anon, sorry this is so late (it was literally sitting in my drafts for three months). at first i had no intentions of writing a part two tbh, but i thoroughly enjoyed writing this up, as you can tell by the wc!

Pairing:Toxic! Park Wonbin x Fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warning: wonbin is possibly the worst human being alive, reader may be slightly irritating with how flaky her emotions are, manipulation, gaslighting, strong language, wc is somehow 17.5k.

read part 1 here.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the cafe hummed with the gentle murmur of conversation, a soothing backdrop against the backdrop of your melancholy. you sat alone at a small corner table, your presence subdued amidst the vibrant surroundings. outside, the soft drizzle of rain painted intricate patterns on the windowpane, mirroring the intricate turmoil of your emotions.

yunjin arrived, her footsteps light but purposeful as she navigated through the cosy cafe. her eyes immediately sought out yours, a flicker of concern crossing her features at the sight of her friend's solemn demeanour.

‘you look like shit,’ yunjin deadpanned as she slid into the seat across from you. although you couldn’t quite blame her for her bluntness.

the bags under your eyes ran deep, a hollow emptiness emboldening your irises. your skin was pale, and cuts lined your lips from the sheer amount of time spent biting them.

you were a shell of your former self. soulless, vacant, moving around without purpose. you had lost your will to continue on, all because you had lost the man you loved.

it was pathetic really, how much your heart ached for him, how he was the one you called out for in the middle of the night when you awoke from your nightmare.

his heart belonged elsewhere now, to someone who wasn’t you. and nothing in the world could have prepared you for how gut wrenching it would be.

tired of your moping, and your lack of responses to her texts, yunjin had invited you out for an informal hangout, something more chill, just to get you to stop wallowing in despair and inhaling fresh air.

‘has that bastard called you?’ she spoke up again after a bit, acrylics tapping on the wooden table, eyes narrowing.

you shook your head, unable to articulate your reality. that maybe wonbin really was gone now. it had been two weeks since that day, the day your spirit was crushed, the day your love was harshly rejected.

despite all of this, you desperately wanted him to reach out to you again, just to hear his voice, to be able to smell him again, to have him in your arms, fingers tangled in his hair.

it was torturous, agonising, like a cruel joke that you were the only one not in on. how did things change so suddenly?

‘i swear if i see him i’ll kill him for you. i’ll cut his dick off and make him eat it,’ your friend was visibly upset for you, but a sick part of yourself worried for wonbin, not wanting anything bad to happen.

‘don’t,’ you say softly, picking at your nails, the familiar feeling of your throat tightening quick to accompany your already somber mood.

‘you still love him?’ yunjin sighs, reaching forward to take your hands in hers and giving it a squeeze. there were no traces of judgement in her voice, just pity.

it was a pathetic situation. a guy had strung you along for a year, told you sweet lies, pressed kisses across your face and looked you directly in the eyes as he said over and over again that he loved you.

you were blinded, unable to see the obvious red flags. it wasn’t normal to continue to stay with someone who gets a new girl. you must be stupid.

but what made things worse, was the fact that you still loved him. you yearned for him, a part of yourself still within his clutches.

you didn’t even realise you were crying until yunjin leaned forward, thumbs swiping at the tears.

‘you deserve more than him love. someone who will cherish you, and only you. he used you, like a prick, none of this is your fault,’ she had moved her chair next to yours now, cradling you in her arms as she patted your shoulder.

what could be more than park wonbin? what would be more radiant, more daring, more intoxicating than he was?

‘i just want him,’ you sob, and she soothes you by rubbing circles on your back whilst you try to stop hiccuping.

‘it’ll get better, i’ll make sure of it.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

2 weeks has slowly morphed into a month. 28 days without wonbin’s touch, without his presence in your life.

you wish you could say that things had gotten easier, but time was not a healer of your broken heart. the more the days went by, the more you suffered. every night you chewed your lip as you stared at his contact information, willing him to finally call you.

to do something. to not treat you like you no longer existed. to go back to being the one that you had fallen in love with.

but no matter how much you sobbed, or you suffered through your days with a weight on your chest, he wouldn’t return to you.

‘we’re going out. to a party,’ yunjin announces as she waltzes into your room, giving you a kiss on the crown of your head before she settles into the spot next to you on your bed.

‘party? yujin i-‘

‘oh no you don’t get a say. you’re coming, that’s final,’ she cuts you off, and you sigh in defeat, knowing that she was too stubborn for you to be able to win this battle.

seeing as it was already decided that your evening would be spent surrounded by sweaty bodies and excessive levels of alcohol consumption, you mourned the night you had planned of having, consisting of cheesy romantic comedies and various tubs of ice cream.

it was silent, yunjin busy tapping away on her phone, fingers moving furiously as she quietly spoke out what she wanted to type, sometimes pausing to think about her response.

‘that guy i was telling you about last week, you know mark lee-‘ she starts talking, but her eyes were still glued to her phone, and another buzz of her phone let you know that she was clearly still in the middle of texting.

‘sorry love,’ she apologises, eventually putting her phone down and now giving you her undivided attention, turning so her body was now facing yours.

‘anyways you remember mark lee right? the one i’m talking to. his best friend is having a party tonight and i thought it would be good for you to come.’

‘you really like him?’ you take note of the way her face lights up just by mentioning his name, suppressing the smile creeping on her lips, eyes looking down at the hands folded in her lap.

you wondered if this was what you looked like to others whenever you talked about wonbin.

‘i like him, and i have a good feeling he likes me too.’

‘then that’s all i need to hear. let’s go to that stupid party,’ you’ve barely got your words out before she’s squealing, flinging her arms around your neck and climbing onto your lap, pressing wet kisses all over your cheeks.

‘i promise you won’t regret it. he has this one friend, donghyuck, and i need you to meet him asap,’ she pressed one last kiss to your head, before sliding off of your legs and returning back to her spot on the bed.

‘i don’t want anyone other than wonbin.’

‘i’m not asking you to date him silly. he’s just a really good guy and i think he’s the energy you need right now.’

you hum in response, a question at the tip of your tongue, but it’s like you’re too scared to utter it. and so you go back and forth in your mind, wondering if it’s worth mentioning it.

‘spill it. you look like you’re putting yourself through torture,’ your best friend knows you too well, spotting the telltale signs that you were anxious, down to the chewing of your bottom lip and the twiddling of the ring on your finger.

‘do you think- um- do you think that, you know-‘ it’s hard to get the words out, with the way your heart was pounding ridiculously in your chest, thoughts racing at a million miles a minute.

yunjin scoots a bit closer, putting her hand on your knee, clearly able to see that what you wanted to ask was troubling you. 

‘go on babe, you can say it,’ she encourages you, patting your knee.

‘um- do you think wonbin will be there?’

her face softens, a look of sympathy flashing across her face at your question. 

‘i don’t think so.’

you’re not sure whether that’s a good thing or not. there was nothing that could prepare you to come face to face with park wonbin again without breaking down. but there was still that fleeting feeling; you wanted him back.

‘let’s forget about park wonbin tonight,’ yunjin says as she pats your knee twice, before standing up and heading towards your closet to look for your outfit for the night.

forget about park wonbin. could you do that?

the question continued to circulate in your mind, even as yunjin pulls you into the chair in front of your mirror to start your makeup, clearly not a novice as she primed, and patted and set your face. even as she managed to convince you that the black mini dress that she shoved into your arms was ‘the perfect length’, and that you were too young to be worrying about modesty.

‘you look amazing. fuck park wonbin,’ she spins you around to face your vanity mirror and you blink twice, taking aback by the person staring back at you. It had been months since you had even bothered to care about your appearance, your self confidence depleting to dangerously low levels, as you wished that you lived in an alternate world, where your beauty, just like ning ning’s was enough to keep wonbin from walking away.

but for the first time in a while you felt a surge of confidence, a newfound poise about who you were, about what you could be.

‘you deserve to have fun tonight. to remember what it feels like to be happy.”

she finishes your look with a pair of silver earrings which you’re sure you’ve only seen her wear once due to how precious she regarded it to be. yet here she was, without a thought, handing them to you.

‘thank you, yunjin,” you murmur, your heart swelling with gratitude. ‘i don’t know what I’d do without you.’

she grinned in response, pulling you into a quick hug. ‘that’s what best friends are for. now, let’s go show the world just how fabulous you are.’

you make your way to the front door, the sounds of the night already beckoning. grabbing your clutch, taking one last glance in the hallway mirror, the woman staring back at you looked poised, ready, but inside, you knew you were teetering on the edge of something unknown.

stepping out into the cool evening air, yunjin linked arms with you, a gesture of solidarity.

‘just remember, tonight is about you. about having fun and forgetting all the bad stuff. you’ve got this.’

you nod, taking strength from your friend’s unwavering confidence. together, you head towards the car, the promise of the party ahead a beacon of hope. as the engine roared to life, you let yourself believe, if only for a moment, that tonight could be the beginning of something new, a step towards healing and rediscovery.

the city lights blurred past as yunjin drove, chatting animatedly about the party, filling the silence with her infectious enthusiasm. by the time you arrived, a flicker of excitement sparkled within you, a small flame of anticipation amidst the shadows of her past.

turning off the engine, your friend takes one more good look at you.

‘fuck park wonbin.’

‘yeah, fuck him.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

forgetting park wonbin seemed to be a more difficult task than you had thought. all through the night your eyes were busy, sifting through the crowds, vigilant and curious as you swept over every single corner of the party you were in, in order to see if he would turn up.

it wasn’t like you were doing it on purpose, you were sure that the amount of time spent in the car reassuring and psyching yourself up were done through your genuine attempts of bravely moving on. but, as predicted, you no longer belonged to yourself. a part of you was still with wonbin, and your being desperately ached to feel whole again, with him.

‘having fun?’ you almost topple over as yunjin flings herself onto you, her arms latching around your neck as she presses kisses up your neck. you knew she wanted to be by your side the whole night, yet seeing the way her and mark were exchanging extremely intense eye contact from across the room, you pushed her towards the equally shy male and told her to enjoy yourself.

now she had returned, with a few unfamiliar faces with her, each of them waiting to be introduced as they watched the interaction between you and your best friend.

‘hey, i’m mark lee. it’s really nice to meet you,’ he’s the first to extend his hand towards you when yunjin pulls away, a bashful but nevertheless bright smile on his face as you greet him back with a firm grasp of his own hands.

‘it’s nice to meet you too. trust me, i’ve heard quite a bit about you too.’ you’re both laughing as yunjin turns red, reaching forward to playfully hit your shoulder.

‘this is my best friend donghyuck. super annoying and popular but he’s a great guy.’

a boy a couple inches taller than you steps forward, till the both of you are a few inches apart and you almost forget your composure as you stared at him. his honey kissed skin appeared ethereal, illuminated by the dim light cascading around the space you were in, beauty spots littering the expanse of his face. jet black strands fell elegantly in soft waves over his forehead, styled to perfection but still looking so effortless. his eyes were deep and warm, a shade of brown that held a quiet intensity, drawing you in.

the  jacket he had on was immediately slipped off and delicately placed around your own shoulders. how did he know you were feeling cold?

‘nice to meet you, i’m donghyuck.’

there was a charm that he possessed, one that captivated you and made you want to pay attention to whatever he was saying. such beauty was paired with genuine geniality, and you wondered how you had never come across him before. he was clearly popular, judging by the looks thrown at him by multiple different girls parading past him, but he never gave them much acknowledgement or seemed smug about it.

‘thanks for the jacket by the way,’ you express your gratitude towards him, offering him a small smile which he returns, all while yunjin shoots you a wink, pushing mark towards the middle of the dance floor and leaving you two alone.

‘it’s my pleasure. i couldn’t have you freezing to death at my party,’ you both laugh at his comment and you admire the way he is able to slip into the space next to you with ease, a wide grin on his face as he nudges you slightly.

maybe it was the small sips of alcohol you had taken, or the way the music seemed to surround you, the bass of the speakers vibrating in a steady rhythm that mimicked your heartbeat, or how the lights had paled to a vibrant blue and dancing across the walls, casting a kaleidoscope of hues over the mingling guests, but something about this atmosphere made you feel alive. your blood was pumping, everything moving in slow motion as if it was a scene in a movie.

‘this is good,’ you tilt your head back slightly, revelling in the moment, and exhale as if you were letting go of all of the problems you had prior to this. you hear a low chuckle, not needing to open your eyes to know that it was donghyuck.

‘glad you’re enjoying yourself. you look even prettier when you’re relaxed,’ your eyes flash open, trying to decipher what it was he was trying to do. but there was no ulterior motive detected by him, simply sipping from the beer can in his left hand, observing other partygoers.

as you begin to talk you notice how good of a listener he is, attentive to every word spoken, his whole body turned to face you as a show of his concentration. oddly enough, you feel safe, like you could say anything and he would take it all in. he had a way of making you feel at ease, his laughter infectious, and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, making her heart warm.

‘to be honest i wasn’t that excited to come tonight. life hasn’t been the kindest to me and i would have preferred to curl into a ball and watch 10 things i hate about you. however, it’s nice being here, forgetting about things for a while.’

‘it’s always a good idea to escape the mind. being stuck there for too long makes it like a prison that will trap you in the same darkness till you can break free.’

you nod in agreement, slowly digesting his words. you were not a stranger to being stuck in your own mind, the past two months being a testament to it.

it’s silent for a while, but nothing about it is uncomfortable. there is a serene sense of contentment, two people who feel they’re in the right place at the right time.

‘there’s something about you,’ he says after a while, that intense stare trained back on you, and you fight the urge to cower away from it.

‘is that a good something? or a bad one?’

the question is left unanswered for a time, hanging in the air and over your figures. time didn’t stop for anyone, but tonight it appeared to slow its momentum, just for you.

‘good, of course.’

you chuckle, holding your hand out for a sip of the beer he seemed to be glued to. but he just shakes his head, disappearing from your side for a second just to get you a fresh one from the cooler. when he emerges again he’s gotten rid of his empty bottle and replaced it with a new one which he sets down on the counter as he works to get yours open first.

you thank him, raising the glass to your lips, the cool liquid slipping down your throat with ease. you gulp almost half of its content down, the taste slightly bitter and tingling your tastebuds but you push through.

donghyuck laughs at the way your face scrunches, your lips pursed as you swallow your last drop. ‘not the biggest fan of beer?’

‘it’s sour and lowkey gross. i prefer cocktails.’

‘your wish is my command,’ he makes a show out of giving you a quite dramatic bow, his left hand folding to his shoulder, and then he straightens up his posture and gestures towards a corner of the kitchen that you hadn’t noticed at first, a cupboard line with a few different types of bottles.

‘there’s tequila, smirnoff, ooh thought i finished that bottle of malibu. take your pick,’ he steps aside as you ponder over what type of drink you felt like having before settling for a passionfruit martini.

‘good choice,’ he tells you, taking you a bit by surprise when he asks for your permission to lift you up to the countertop to watch him make your drink. it’s more comfortable than it looks, and you happily swing your legs back and forth, finally feeling the effects of the beer you had chugged a couple minutes prior, a lot more talkative.

you find yourself enjoying his company a lot more than you thought you would and make a mental note to thank yunjin for pushing to make this all happen. it had been a while since you had taken a step out of your wonbin-centred universe and enjoyed conversation that had nothing to do with him.

for a moment, the shadow of park wonbin faded, replaced by the brightness of this new connection. donghyuck’s presence was like a balm, soothing the raw edges of your heart. the party continued around you, but in that corner, it felt like you were both in your own little world.

as the night wore on you both found yourself  outside on the balcony, the cool night air a refreshing contrast to the hellish warmth generated from all of the other bodies packed together.

the stars above sparkled like distant promises, and the city lights swindled like a million unspoken dreams. you close your eyes for a moment, soaking in the serenity of the night.

‘you know,’ donghyuck said after a while, his eyes fixed on the skyline, ‘there’s something special about nights like this. it’s like the word slows down and for a moment, everything just… makes sense.’

he’s about to vocalise your thoughts perfectly, and you nod in agreement. ‘yeah, i think i know what you mean.’

‘can i ask you something,’ donghyuck’s voice cut through the gentle murmur of the night, his tone carrying a weight of earnestness that shifted the atmosphere around you. his words hung in the air, a quiet intensity that demanded your attention, drawing your gaze to his face illuminated by the ambient light of the balcony.

you turn to him, curious and slightly apprehensive, yet undeniably intrigued by the change in his demeanour.

‘can i have your number?’

donghyuck sees the way your mouth opens, shock painted on your features, knowing enough to sense a rejection and he interjects, sensing your hesitation.

‘i’m not asking you out or anything, trust me. i just think we would be good friends. i like talking to you,’ he reassures you and you see sincerity in his eyes, a genuine desire to connect without any ulterior motives.

he was a great guy, and you were sure that in an alternative universe where both the name and sight of park wonbin had no sort of effect on you, the possibility of him having any sort of romantic feelings towards the end of the night wouldn’t have scared you as much. but this was the real world and your heart and mind were far too broken to entertain the idea of someone else taking over your life again.

‘yeah,’ you finally managed, your voice betraying a moment of vulnerability. ‘i’d like that too.’

relief washes over donghyuck’s face, a small smile tugging on his lips.

‘i don’t just give my phone number out to anyone you know. consider yourself lucky,’ you joke, in an attempt to ease the small amount of tension that had found itself between the two of you since you had met, hoping he wouldn’t take too much offence to your reaction and taking the unlocked mobile device out of his hands to fill out the contact information.

‘i’m sure i am.’

‘how are you getting home?’ he asks when his phone is finally back in his possession, saving the information on his phone before putting it down and turning his attention back to you, awaiting an answer to his question.

‘eager to get rid of me are we?’ you quip, raising an eyebrow in false disbelief and even making a show of crossing your arms across your chest and pushing off of the railing you were leaning on so you could be standing directly in front of him. he mirrors your body language, shaking his head, rapidly trying to reassure you.

‘i just want to make sure you get home safely.’

although this task proves to be quite difficult, given that yunjin has retreated to mark’s room for the night due to her less than sober state, and every other person that was around had also been drinking a sizeable amount. even trying to get a taxi at this time was in vain, given that it was quite late and nobody was around the area.

donghyuck has his eyes glued to his phone screen, bottom lip caught between his teeth. he raises his hand just to scratch the back of his head and you can see the cogs in his head turning, figuring out a way to approach the situation.

‘i mean you could stay over. i can take the couch and you would be able to sleep in my bed,’ he offers, and you feel bad because as much as you would like for him to get some good rest after the chaos of hosting a party all night, it was the only viable option.

he searches your face for confirmation and can tell how torn you are, ‘it’s fine, i promise.’ 

‘it’s fine,’ he repeats.

so even though it kills you to see him have to take refuge on the semi-hard couch in the middle of the living room that still had remnants of the party that was going on not even two hours before, you follow him up the stairs as he leads you to his room, checking to see that you’re behind him before opening the door.

‘got some spare clothes for you to change into here. um the bathroom is free for you to use too, i’m sure there’s some cleanser in the top cabinet to wipe off your makeup. anything else?’ your heart warms at how accommodating he’s being, giving you his clothes, allowing you to use his things, and even taking his bed.

‘i’ll leave you to get changed.’

‘wait, hyuck,’ you stop him just as he’s about to leave and he turns around, leaning his body onto the now half opened door. ‘thanks, for everything.’

‘my pleasure, sleep well princess,’ he flashes you a smile and then he’s gone and you can hear the soft thuds of him descending down the stairs, talking to who you assume is one of his housemates.

you hate to appear nosy but curiosity takes over you as you examine the things in his room. michael jackson vinyls, posters of a few indie bands, tame impala being the one that caught your eye first, an impressive collection of accessories. everything was just like he was, cool, chic, and a little playful.

his clothes are a little big for you, but you find comfort in the way it swamps around your frame, and it smells just like him. you’re surprised at how clean his bathroom is, a questionable amount of both feminine hygiene products as well as makeup wipes, micellar water and even some cleansing wipes.

‘charming,’ you thought to yourself, picking out the things you need, noting how a lot of it was fairly unused, before starting your bedtime routine.

discarding the used cotton pads and closing the lid of the bottle of the micellar solution, you close the tap, doing a quick once over of yourself in the mirror. the hand towels laid out neatly on the side are used to dry your damp hands and fold it neatly before walking back into his room.

it was gratifying, slipping into some clean sheets, basking in the warmth it provided you as you sank further and further under. but, as you expected, it was hard for you to actually fall asleep. you lay on your back, staring at the ceiling willing yourself to cave in to the restlessness you were feeling. yet try as you might it just didn’t work.

sighing, you turn over to look at the time on your phone that was charging on the bedside table. 3:02am and there were still failed attempts of getting you to sleep. groaning, you decide that perhaps some chamomile tea, or maybe even some warm milk could aid you.

it’s dead silent and you’re afraid of waking anyone up so you result in creeping down the stairs, on your tiptoes to make the minimal amount of noise you possibly could. apart from a couple of creaks in the floorboards it was relatively easy.

‘are you alright?’ donghyuck’s voice startles you, even though he’s only whispering and your hand automatically flies to your mouth to stifle a scream.

the lights in the living room are dim, the tv on albeit low in volume, but it’s not hard to tell that despite all of this he’s not comfortable. the spare sheets he was using were tossed to the side, and the constant rolling of his neck indicated that, as you thought, sleeping in that position was unpleasant.

‘can’t sleep?’ you ask him, and he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck as he sits up a little straighter. he reaches for his glasses, something you weren’t aware he wore and he perches it onto the bridge of his nose and running a hand through his hair.

‘i knew i shouldn’t have listened to jaemin about getting the cheaper couch. the expensive ones are pricey for a reason i guess,’ he jokes, but all you can do is feel bad. you can tell he wants to lighten the mood, to try as much as he can to not let it weigh on your conscience, but all it does is make you feel worse.

‘sleep with me,’ the words are out before you can even consider how it could be construed in the wrong way and the way his mouth hangs open makes you want to die of embarrassment.

‘not- no i meant- not like that,’ you’re stuttering, stumbling over your words, trying to correct your minor mistake.

‘i just meant i can see how uncomfortable it is sleeping out here, your room is big enough for the both of us to share.’

‘oh no, i don’t want to-’

‘hyuck please. you’re not making me uneasy in any way i promise. it’s your room anyway,’ you cut him off because you know exactly what he was going to say. from the small amount of time you spent with him you could gauge how much of a gentleman he was, and his efforts of being as respectable as possible didn’t go unnoticed.

‘please.’

he’s quick to give in, partially because he was eager to be able to ease the tension forming in the back of his neck, but also because he knew you wouldn’t give in until he listened.

‘fine, if you’re sure.’

he’s extremely cautious, letting you lead the way even though it was his own room, debating whether closing the door after him would make things seem a little too intimate. he opts for closing it, mainly because the light in the hallway was too distracting, but he still hovers over the bed, not really knowing what to do with himself.

‘what are you doing?’ you question him, slipping back under the covers before watching him from the position on the bed. judging by the things in his bathroom you were fairly certain this wasn’t the first time he’d shared a room with a girl. and it wasn’t like either of you had any other intentions.

‘don’t make this weird hyuck.’

it wasn’t your goal to make him laugh, but seeing the rigidity ease out of his form, you’re happy regardless as the right side of the bed dips slightly underneath his weight

he offers you a shy smile, his eyes warm and reassuring. ‘i’ll sleep on the edge, promise,” he said lightly, trying to ease any lingering awkwardness.

you chuckle softly, appreciating his thoughtfulness. “it’s fine, really,” you reply, feeling an unexpected sense of ease.

at first you lay on your side, facing away from him, but the space between the both of you was filled with a comforting presence. the room was dark, but the moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow.

your eyelids drooped, heavy with weariness as the weight of the whole day's activities fall upon your body, weighing you down. as you close your eyes, you feel the warmth of donghyuck’s body close to yours, a steady and calming presence. his breathing was a soothing rhythm, a lullaby that began to chase away the lingering thoughts about wonbin. there was a safety in the silence, a peace you hadn’t felt in a while.

donghyuck’s voice, soft and low, broke the quiet. “if you need anything, just wake me up,” he murmured, his tone filled with genuine care.

you nod, though you doubted you’d need to. for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt truly safe. the weight of the past seemed lighter, the shadows receding as you nestled into the comfort of the present. with donghyuck beside you, the world outside faded, leaving only the tranquillity of the moment.

sleep came easily,  your last thoughts a whisper of gratitude for the unexpected connection that had brought you peace.  maybe it was the small amount of alcohol still buzzing in your system, or the familiarity of your body next to another, that made you scoot just a little bit closer, body heat radiating off of one another as you let yourself be wrapped in the arms of another man.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the first thing you noticed when your eyes fluttered open slowly was the small but constant pounding settled in your temple. it made you wince, fingers rushing to massage the sore spot as you turned over in your space.

your hands reach out for something, but it’s empty and you frown. memories of the night before come flooding in bit by bit, and you sigh as the back of your head meets the pillow.

the sound of footsteps makes you sit up on your elbows, attempting to not look half asleep to donghyuck. instead you were met with the face of your suspiciously cheerful best friend, bounding through the doorway and flopping down on the bed right next to you.

‘morning sleeping beauty,’ she greets you, planting a sloppy kiss on your cheek and giggling at the way you pretend to be disgusted by it.

‘why are you so happy so early in the morning?’ you’re still feeling a little bit groggy, hair sticking up all over the place and you were sure you had a lot less to drink than yunjin did. so it made you wonder how she looked to be in a better position than you.

‘mark asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday.’

‘yunjin are you serious? that’s amazing.’

‘i know, i know, i’ll tell you all about it later. hyuck sent me upstairs to get you for breakfast,’ you’re both clearly excited, squealing like little girls, but it’s hard to ignore the low growl erupting from your stomach.

‘fine, you have to tell me every little detail later.’

you scramble out of bed, only now noticing the neat pile of clothes that donghyuck had folded for you to wear this morning. pulling the hoodie over your head and the basketball shorts up your thighs, you’re making your way downstairs, yunjin right by your side.

‘hey, you’re awake,’ donghyuck is the first one to spot you as you trail behind yunjin, suddenly feeling a little self conscious in the middle of the unfamiliar faces dotted around the kitchen.

he’s right in front of the stove, cracked egg shells in the palm of his hands as he mixes some batter for pancakes. gesturing for you to move closer, you can’t help but keep your gaze trained on the floor as you weave through the crowd that was starting to form.  his roommates, the ones you had briefly met last night, scattered around the table, turning their heads in unison, grinning mischievously as you approached.

you know what it looks like, coming out of donghyuck’s room, drowning in his clothes, and now he’s messing with the strings, pulling you in closer to mess with your hair. you can hear them whispering, teasing, the not so subtle whistling, it makes you feel even more shy as you try to move out of donghyuck’s reach and next to yunjin, even though all of her attention was focused on mark.

one of his roomates leaned back in his chair, a sly grin spreading across his face. ‘i hope his bed wasn’t too uncomfortable,’ he says, winking at you.

donghyuck rolled his eyes, but there was a lightness to his expression as he glanced at you.

‘hyuck’s never made food for the girls he brings over. it must be a miracle,’ a guy whose hair is a platinum blonde speaks up smirking, but his jokes seem to be directed more at hyuck than you.

‘cut it out guys. we just slept, nothing else,’ he points the spatula right at him, understanding what he was implying as  the boy raising his hands in defeat.

‘oh, just slept ,huh?’ another boy chimes in, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘you two seemed pretty cosy when we peeked in this morning.’

your blush deepend, and you can feel hyuck’s embarrassment matching yours.

‘seriously, guys, give it a rest,” he said, setting a plate of pancakes on the table with a mock glare.

you shuffle awkwardly on your feet, praying that the focal point shifts away from you. one of the guys, you believe he introduced himself as jaemin, is the first to apologise, letting you know that he meant no harm.

‘our entire friendship is built on the foundation of embarrassing hyuck as much as possible.’

 jeno, the cute guy who started the teasing, follows suit, ‘i was just messing with him, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.’

you knew it was all just friendly banter, and it wasn’t exactly their fault that you weren’t the most sociable in front of new people so you let them know you weren’t offended or anything.

‘i think i’ve seen you around somewhere,’ jaemin tells you, pulling out a chair that surrounded the kitchen island so you could hop up first, all whilst hyuck was finishing flipping some pancakes.

‘me? from where?’

‘oh yeah, aren’t you wonbin’s friend? park wonbin.’

the mention of his name made your stomach drop. anxious, blinking back tears. everything came flooding back, all of your emotions going haywire and you have to turn away from them so you don’t give yourself away. the pain is excruciating, enough to make you light headed and your throat instantly tightens.

‘um- i wouldn’t exactly- um- call us friends,’ your grip on the kitchen counter increases, but the way your voice wavers makes donghyuck turn around, barely catching the stray tear that starts sliding down your cheek before you hastily wipe it away.

‘leave her alone and go about your day,’ he scolds his friend, motioning towards the door.

‘i thought the pancakes were for all of us?’

‘out. leave us alone.’

you’re both left alone in a comfortable silence and you’re grateful for donghyuck’s help in getting them to drop it. ‘hyuck,’ you call out to him, wanting to thank him.

‘we don’t have to talk about it. for now, we eat.’

a stack of pancakes are placed in front of you, syrup spread in a smiley face, mirroring the one on his face, and your shoulders relax, exhaling in relief.

‘let’s eat.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

your mind wanders back to the past two months and the unexpected bond that had formed between you and donghyuck. your conversations had become a daily comfort, his easy laughter and genuine concern a balm to your still-healing heart. 

he had been more than a distraction—he had been a true friend. from the late-night talks about your hopes and fears to the impromptu outings that filled you with a sense of normalcy, donghyuck had been there, steadfast and supportive.

his presence was a reminder that not all connections needed to be painful, that new friendships could be forged in the wake of old heartaches.

park wonbin was slowly but surely phasing out of your daily life and you were beginning to get back to your former self- more sociable, less self conscious, no longer weighed down by anxiety and dark thoughts.

your phone buzzes on the table in front of you, lighting up momentarily and displaying donghyuck’s name, and a string of messages he had just sent you.

hey picasso

how’s the art project going?

i’m hungry, are you free for lunch?

please say yes i don’t want to sit by myself :(

you chuckle quietly, your fingers moving to reply to his message to tell him that you would eat with him before setting your phone down.

almost immediately, his reply came through.

it’s my treat <3

you chuckled, shaking your head at another one of donghyuck’s little gestures, always finding ways to make you feel special. putting your phone down again, you feel a wave of gratitude wash over you. donghyuck had been a beacon of light in your life, guiding you through the darkness of your breakup with wonbin. spending time with him was always a joy, and he had quickly become a safe harbour, a place where you could simply be yourself.

packing up your art supplies, the soft chime of your phone stops you in your tracks, and you temporarily place your bag on the floor to glance at the screen, a new message from hyuck sending you the address of the restaurant as well as the name.

the name of the restaurant, ‘arang’, jumps out at you and your breath hitches as memories surge forward, unbidden. you hadn’t been there in almost a year, not since the last time with wonbin. the thought of him made your chest tighten as you close your eyes, letting yourself be momentarily swept away by the flood of recollections.

the first time you visited arang, it was a chilly winter evening. snowflakes gently drifted down, settling on your hair as wonbin laughed and brushed them away. you remembered the warm, inviting glow of the restaurant's facade, the way the soft lighting inside bathed everything in a cozy, golden light. you had sat by the window, watching the snowfall outside, your fingers intertwined over the table. the homely aroma of korean cuisine, the clinking of glasses, and the soft murmur of conversation had created a cocoon of intimacy around you both.

you shake your head, trying to dispel the vivid images. the past was in the past, there was no use of dwelling on it. plus the possibility of this day being the one that he also decides he wants to visit is slim, and you’re not even sure he would be around today, given that thursdays he usually didn’t have any classes and he would use this day for basketball practice.

you become akin to a robot, repeating this over and over again in your head, trying to convince your body- which has started to go into panic mode- that everything was fine and you were just overthinking.

stepping out of the school building after a visit to your locker you make your way to the restaurant. the familiar streets passed by in a blur, each step bringing you closer to a place filled with both joy and sorrow. it’s only when you see hyuck bounding towards you, arms outstretched, that your anxiety dissolves and you allow him to pull you into a bone-crushing hug, muttering something about how everyone but you had abandoned him.

‘i thought i was going to have to eat alone, nobody else wanted to come with me,’ is the first thing he tells you, clearly happy that you were here.

‘so you’re saying i was your last choice?’

‘no no no. i’m saying you’re my saviour,’ he loops his arms with your own, dragging you inside with him just as a couple is walking out. you let donghyuck go ahead whilst you kindly let them come out first.

‘hey -,’ the familiar voice calling your name makes you freeze, all limbs in your body stuck, rooted in the spot you were standing. donghyuck notices how you’re no longer beside him and turns around but is distracted by the waiter approaching him.

your mouth is dry, ominous thoughts squirming in the back of your mind as what felt like cold spider like fingers raced up and down your spine. you wanted to speak, to seem totally unbothered and unaffected like you thought you were. yet you couldn’t get words to come out.

the familiar figure of wonbin emerged from the sea of faces, his presence like a sharp pang to your chest. he stood tall and confident, his fingers laced between ning ning’s, her face practically glowing as she beams up at him, his eyes flickering to yours for a split second before landing on hers, leaning down, his touch gentle as he presses a kiss onto her cheek.

the feeling of a shard in your gut encompasses you, taking over all sensory input, comparable to death and bereavement as it washes over you like gruelling waves, choking the breath from your body and short circuiting your mind.

wonbin’s eyes met yours, a smug tugging at the corner of his lips because even though you haven’t said a word yet, he knows your body, how it reacts when you’re nervous, or when you had been disappointed by something he had did. you weren’t over him yet, and that was all he needed from you, blind devotion- just like it had always been.

his gaze was a calculated blend of charm and cruelty, a silent reminder of the control he had once exerted over your heart.

ning ning looks at you, sincere concern etched onto her features at the fact that you had not spoken, your skin paling and hands trembling.

‘are you alright?’ 

your throat is burning, eyes blinking furiously to keep the tears at bay, but you push through the pain and struggle to answer.

‘i-i’m fine, enjoy your day,’ you don’t give them a chance to reply as you turn and dart away from them, neck craning to try and find donghyuck.

you spot him at a table towards the back of the restaurant, waving to get your attention and sprint over, practically collapsing in your seat.

‘was that.. park wonbin?’ he’s careful, aware of the many times your body would stiffen up at the mention of him, or how you avoided talking about him as much as possible whenever he was brought up in conversation. he didn’t want to pry into something that clearly made you uncomfortable.

you nod in confirmation, debating whether or not you should tell him the full story. it was humiliating just thinking about how he would react when he heard how a simple boy had the ability to turn your whole life upside down. how suffocating it was just to see him in the vicinity of other girls, or how much grief it caused you to specifically see ning ning, when she was the one he chose and not you. 

despite all of this, donghyuck had been an amazing friend to you, and you felt that now was the right time to tell him the full truth. and that’s what you told him, starting from the day you first met, the addition of ning ning in the both of your lives and even how you continued to stay with him.

you expected him to look at you with disgust, or to judge you or even be disappointed. but donghuck was quiet, listening to every word you had to say, not once giving his own input.

‘pathetic right? i wouldn’t know what to say either.’

‘no that’s not it. i just thought about how upsetting it must have been. pouring your heart out for someone and getting nothing in return from them.’

‘he loved me. i guess he just- i must have done something to make him stop,’ it’s a habit of yours, rushing to wonbin’s defence whenever anything unfavourable is said about him. you don’t want him to be the bad guy in the story.

he frowns at your words, reaching out for your hand, ‘ please don’t take this the wrong way. you’re not the problem, he is.’

‘what do you mean?’

‘he was using you. using your kindness, your devotion to him, the way you loved him. and he was using that for his own gain, to feel good about himself. and then when you tried to push the boundary he put you in, he abandoned you,’ he explains, and although they were words you had heard before, namely from an extremely infuriated yunjin, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept it, to accept that park wonbin was not good.

‘that’s not true, he didn’t use me.’

‘it’s hard to hear, i understand. regardless, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing that you did that can explain why he’s acting like that,’ donghyuck pities you, seeing how reluctant you are to think badly of him. to love excessively is to be blind to all of the ugly parts of the person, shielding yourself away from it.

‘but-’

‘i’m speaking from experience, trust me. i know all about giving your everything to someone, loving them earnestly, thinking that they felt the same, only for them to throw it back in your face,’ it’s the first time you’re hearing about this, seeing a normally cheerful donghyuck change into a forlorn figure, appearing uncharacteristically apprehensive.

‘she left me, all alone when i needed her the most. it hit me so hard, i was sure that i would never be able to feel again. that i would just be numb and broken forever,’ he feels willing to share his own story, to offer you a beacon of light to what you felt was a hopeless situation.

‘that’s why i was so interested in you that night. that calibre of heartbreak, i recognised myself in the sadness of your eyes, feeling uneasy and restless, i understood it all before you even had to tell me your story,’ suddenly that night made more sense to you, why he was so attentive, unwilling to let you out of his sight, going the extra mile just to make you feel comfortable.

‘i see my old self in you, that’s why. we’ve got to build that self confidence all the way up.’

‘everyone deserves love- well not everyone- but you definitely do. you’re a good girl- not in the kinky sense, wow i have got to stop-‘

‘hyuck,’ you cut him off before he can ramble on any further, a habit of his you had picked up on due to his overactive sense of imagination and his inability to multitask.

‘sorry. what i’m trying to say is you’re pretty, a good person, funny and you’re smart as fuck. any guy would be lucky to have you.’

‘you’re just saying that.’

‘i mean it though,’ his face softens, and it’s the most sincere look you’ve seen from hyuck since the first time you met him.

‘you might not believe it now, but trust me. that’s what i’m here for, project mend your heart and make you confident.’

‘and who else but the sexiest man alive to be of assistance.’

you’re laughing, genuine laughter which was something that seemed to become more common when with donghyuck.

‘jeno would beg to differ,’ you tease him mindlessly, a throw away comment that didn’t have much meaning to it. but in true hyuck fashion, everything had to be dramatic.

‘i knew it. i knew you wanted to fuck him,’ he points at you, shouting louder than he should have been in a restaurant, and you sink further into your seat in embarrassment, whilst he mouths quick apologies and bows his head to the few curious customers that turned in your direction.

‘i never said i wanted to fuck him, where did you get that from?,’ your voice is hushed, cheeks flushed as you fight the urge to reach over the table putting a distance between you two and throttle him.

‘well you just inadvertently said you thought he was sexy. what’s the next step from that? begging him to fuck.’

you crinkle your nose in disgust, donghyuck acting like he had uncovered some kind of dirty secret, looking rather smug as he folded his arms over his chest.

‘maybe in a teen fiction book. that’s not how things work in the real world stupid. 

‘of course it does. people who are attracted to other people normally end up having sex,’ he states as if it’s the most obvious fact in the world, backed by scientific evidence.

‘not true. i think you’re sexy too but i’d rather keel over and die than be sexually intimate with you.’

but you instantly regret saying that when you see how his eyebrow quirks, his smile becomes a smirk and he leans in towards you.

‘so what i’m hearing is-‘

‘no, you’re not hearing anything. shut up and eat,’ you’re shoving cooked chicken into his mouth before he can have another outburst and bring more shame to your table.

giving up, he takes the tongs out of your hands to put some in your own bowl, placing the pork belly on the grill next.

you both eat in relative silence, enjoying the food, with occasional comments about how good the food is.

‘so-‘ donghyuck speaks up after almost five minutes of no conversation.

you can already tell he’s going to say something stupid by the way he’s raised his eyebrow, leaning forward on his elbows.

‘you think i’m sexy huh?’

‘i’m starting to regret meeting you for lunch.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

it was becoming a regular occurrence for you to be dragged out of whatever comfortable position you were in on a saturday evening, yanked out from under the comfort of your duvet by your friends just so you could hang out. tonight was not any different, only this time you were struggling to understand why you were even called out.

‘i don’t know why you invited me and hyuck on a double date, we’re not in a relationship,’ you tell yunjin who pretends like she can’t hear you, allowing herself to be swept away into the arms of her boyfriend, only turning around to stick her tongue out at you and you huff at her childishness.

it had been such a long week and as much as you loved hanging out with these three, another episode of it’s okay to not be okay was calling your name. well, more like another hour of drooling over kim soohyun but that's besides the point.

‘yeah, even though she wants to be with me so badly,’ donghyuck appears beside you, arm lazily hung over your shoulder as he teases you, even going as far as puckering his lips, pretending to ask for a kiss.

you shove him, and he narrowly misses the gigantic pole a few cm away from his face. turning towards you with narrow eyes he lunges forward, successfully grabbing you by the sleeve of your jacket and tugging you closer to him.

‘let me go lee donghyuck, i swear to god,’ your pleas fall on deaf ears, as he’s too busy tickling you to care for your empty threats, enjoying how you’re squirming in his hold and using one arm to hold you up by the waist so you don’t fall.

‘cant hear you over the sound of your squeals.’

‘you two act like this and then wonder why so many people think you’re together,’ the couple who were once further ahead realised that both of you were no longer beside them, and turned around to see you in the predicament you were currently in. yunjin crosses her arm as she stands in place, but contrary to her posture she’s smiling. mark adorns a similar look, content that the two of you got along so well. he remembered how distressed yunjin was whenever they met up four months ago, before they started dating, worried about you, wondering when you would be happy again.

meanwhile you freeze in his hold, and donghyuck stops, looking down to see your face.

‘do people really think that? that me and donghyuck are dating?’ panic is evident in your tone, by the way your voice shakes.

‘donghyuck can’t be that bad,’ mark jokes, not gauging the way the atmosphere had changed a little bit.

‘it’s not that. it’s just- do you think wonbin will think that too,’ you ask to no-one in particular. you vowed to stop talking about him, figuring your friends were tired of hearing you speak about him time and time again. the words became forbidden from spilling from your lips, and it felt almost foreign for you to say it again.

‘fuck wonbin. who cares what he thinks. he has no right to have any opinion on who you are or aren’t dating,’ there’s a fire in yunjin’s eye, one that tells you she means every word she says and you bow your head, choosing to focus on your shoes instead of meeting the eyes of the three standing in front of you.

mark seemed to be the only one unaware of the whole situation, and looks to donghyuck, thinking they were in the same position. but when he tells you he agrees with yunjin, and rubs your shoulder, he realises he’s the only one. you had seen mark quite a lot in the past three months, but he knew it was probably something you didn’t want to talk about for now, especially because although you had developed a decent friendship, you weren’t exactly best friends. although he did have to wonder how donghyuck found out.

‘we should get going, we’re going to be late,’ your desire to change the subject causes you to shift the focus on to something else, namely the restaurant that you had planned to go to. you know that yunjin wouldn’t easily forget this conversation, that within this week you would end up having a serious talk about your feelings for he who shall not be named. but for now she shows you mercy, pulling mark along with her to lead the way.

in a matter of minutes you arrive at your destination, a dimly lit pan-asian restaurant, decorated with japanese kanji on the walls and various references to koi fish. you’re immediately greeted by a server, leading you to a table for four almost in the middle of the restaurant.

donghyuck, being the gentleman he is, helps you slip out of the thin cardigan you were wearing before pulling your chair out for you and pushing it closer to the table once you were sat, whilst mark mirrored those same actions.

hyuck was animatedly recounting a funny story from his high school days, his expressive gestures making you all laugh. he always added the right amount of exaggeration to achieve the art of storytelling. the conversation was flowing smoothly, laughter erupting here and there, so much so that you almost didn’t notice the figure approaching your table.

‘mark? hyuck? fancy seeing you guys here,’ it’s ning ning in all of her beauty, and you curse yourself for falling into a trance, admiring how perfectly her hair was styled, and the way the dress she wore fit her body like a glove. a leather trench coat was draped around her shoulders underneath the black dior saddle bag, matching with the pumps that clothed her feet. anyone with eyes could see that ning ning was alluring, the words pretty or cute would be lost on someone as perfectly crafted as her.

your instincts cause you to fearfully scan the room, half expecting wonbin to be not too far behind just like last time, but instead you could see the group of girls waiting at the table she had just left, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

‘hey ning ning, it’s been a while.’ you’re surprised that she even knows mark, until you’re told about the music class they share and small flashes of them sharing a stage for the school's summer festival flash in your mind. her energy is enthralling, captivating the attention of everyone at the table, drawing them in with her kind smile and envy courses through your blood at the quality you’re unable to share with her, your personality paling in comparison to hers.

you’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t even hear her asking a question, until everyone turns towards you, and you’re met with four sets of eyes on you.

‘i’m sorry i didn’t hear what you said, i think it’s the noise in here,’ you blame it on the music that plays fairly softly in the background, and the small bustle of conversations surrounding you, but if she had picked up on your poor attempt of an excuse, she didn’t seem to show it.

‘i was just asking if you were feeling better. last time i saw you i was quite worried.’

it’s frustrating, how much you would prefer for her to be a bitch, so you could justify any sort of hatred aimed towards her, and spend your time speaking ill of her just to satisfy the dull ache in your chest. instead she was lovely, extremely compassionate and totally unaware of the despair that her mere presence brought you.

‘i’m fine now,’ you don’t mean to sound so cold but it’s hard for you to muster up the strength to push aside your feelings, so you offer her a tight-lipped smile, one that has the corner of your lips quivering from how hard you force it to stay up.

‘that’s good to hear, you definitely look a lot better.’

‘oh i’m sorry, is this a double date?’ she asks, as if the revelation had just dawned on her that two boys and two girls sat together at a restaurant on saturday evening, dressed a bit more fancily for it to be a simple hangout.

you wanted to correct her, to protest her statement but you feel donghyuck pinching your knee under the table  and he answers for you, ‘yes we actually are.’

you’re perplexed, unsure of what reason he would need to lie, but you figure he would explain things to you after she left.

‘aww that’s so cute, i’ve always wanted to go on one of those,’ more small talk is made, but you’re stuck staring at hyuck’s face, trying to decipher his thoughts but failing miserably.

‘i’ll leave you guys to it, enjoy your night,’ ning ning finally departs from your table, calling out over her shoulder as the rest of her friends also rise to their feets, signalling their exits. you wait till you see the last girl push past the swinging doors before you lightly hit donghyuck on his shoulder.

‘why didn’t you tell her we’re not dating? this is definitely not a double date and you know that.’

he shrugs his shoulders in response, like it wasn’t a big deal before he answers. ‘because what good would it do her if she knew.’

you’re even more confused now by what he’s saying. does he mean that both of you should pretend to be in a relationship like the main characters of a romance novel?

‘so are you saying we should fake date?’

‘is this another one of your schemes to get me to fall in love with you?’ he jokes, and you realise that you seem to be taking this a lot more seriously than he is.

‘hyuck,’ you warn him.

‘i’m just saying if people think we are, do we really need to keep on explaining. it’s nobody’s business and it doesn’t hurt to look unavailable when you’re clearly not interested in dating at the moment.’

‘that’s true, it’s not like you’re going around telling people. plus if people think you two are dating they’ll stop with their stupid questions,’ yunjin agrees with his sentiment, and you pick up on a further ulterior motive, one which involves preventing wonbin from trying to swoop back in and sweep you off of your feet when he feels like it. she doesn’t say this out loud, but the look she shares with donghyuck speaks for itself.

‘whatever, all of this talk about dating makes me nauseous,’ it was meant to be received as a joke, but your voice, tinged with a mixture of bitterness and sadness, causes hyuck and yunjin to exchange concerned glances.

ning ning had just left the table after a cordial exchange, yet the atmosphere felt heavy, laden with unsaid words and unspoken truths, the lively hum of conversations from other diners providing a comforting backdrop for the lingering tension in the air.

mark looks around, blinking slowly, sensing the change but seemingly the only one unaware of its cause.

‘something tells me you all know something i don’t.’

you take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts as you feel dongyuck’s reassuring presence besides you, his hands gently resting on your shoulder.

‘ning ning is…. well, she’s dating my ex-boyfriend, wonbin,’ you began, your voice steady but laced with an undercurrent of pain. ‘it’s a long story, and not a very happy one.’

mark’s expression softened, and he leaned in slightly, giving you his full attention. ‘you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. but I’m here to listen if you want to share.”

you nod, appreciating his sensitivity. “thanks, mark. i think it’s time you knew,’ taking another deep breath you continued.

‘when i was with wonbin everything was perfect, he was charming, attentive, and made me feel special. i thought i had finally found the one.’

you pause, the memories swirling in your mind as you take a big gulp. yunjin reached across the table, taking your hand in a comforting grip and you drew strength from her touch.

‘he told me that he didn’t like ning ning, and that he was dating her only in public just for appearances. it sounds stupid now but i really wanted to believe it, and i did. eventually i got tired of everything, i wanted to be the only one, to make things public and that’s when he got upset and told me he didn’t love me. he left me for her, ning ning.’

mark’s eyes widened with shock and sympathy. ‘that’s awful, i’m so sorry you went through that.’

his expressions were open and earnest, and you felt relief that he didn’t judge you and instead showed genuine sympathy. 

‘i can’t imagine how tough that must be. but you’re incredibly strong for getting through it and for sharing this with us. you don’t have to face it alone.”

yunjin squeezes your hand tighter. ‘we’re all here for you. you don’t have to carry this burden by yourself.’

‘and we’ll make sure to keep things light and fun. like, i can always offer to trip wonbin if he ever shows his face around us again,’ you couldn’t help but laugh, the tension easing slightly as mark also chuckles, the mood lifting with shared laughter.

as the evening progressed, the conversation shifted to lighter topics, the supportive presence of your friends helping to ease the pain of the past. though the memories of your relationship with wonbin still lingered, you knew you weren’t alone, surrounded by friends who cared deeply for you.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the next day ning ning joins wonbin in his room after a long day of classes, looking to relax in his presence. instead she’s met with the sight of him slouching in his gaming chair, his hair a fluffy mess, wearing only a black tank top and basketball shorts, making her feel out of place in her pleated skirt and corset top. kicking off her shoes she settles for the edge of his bed, settling into relative silence as she’s left to scroll on her phone. a picture she had taken at the dinner last night reminding her of who she saw.

‘i saw that friend of yours, the one at the game and at the bbq place too. she was at the same restaurant as we were.’

‘oh really?’ wonbin is uninterested, eyes focused on the game, cursing under his breath at the death of one of his teammates, furiously manoeuvring the buttons on his controller, almost forgetting that his girlfriend was in the vicinity.

‘she was on a date. well a double date actually,’ ning ning continues, choosing to move as closely to him as was possible despite his lack of focus on her.

unknowingly the controller slips from his hands, and he freezes, sure that he had misheard what she had said.

‘a date?’ he repeats in disbelief. the person that he knew you as wouldn’t even be able to bring herself to have romantic feelings for another guy, let alone boldly accepting a date with one.

‘yeah. why is that so shocking?’ she kneels down to pick up the console and hand it to him and he has to fight to conceal how he truly feels, just so that she doesn’t suspect anything.

‘no reason, she's just- you know pretty shy and stuff. didn’t think she would be the type,’ the lie easily falls out of his mouth, and he almost applauds himself for how convincing it sounds as ning ning hums and nods her head, aware of the few times she had encountered her how little she spoke.

‘she seemed super extraverted when i saw her. and her and donghyuck, they look so cute together,’ unaware of the change in wonbin’s expression ning ning continues to talk about last night, all whilst wonbin is left to think.

he’s unsure how the two of you even became acquainted, given that he was one of the most popular people in school. the thought of you moving on was one he had never factored in, so sure that no matter how he played it you would always be putty in his arms, dancing to whatever tune he set. 

was it all a lie when you begged for him, telling him it was impossible for you to move on? he’s not sure what the emotion he’s feeling is called, but it burns inside of him and he’s not feeling good about it.

a flash of anger crossed wonbin’s face, but he quickly masked it with a tight smile. ‘i see. so, she’s dating donghyuck now?’

ning ning shrugged, not sensing the shift in his demeanor. ‘it seemed like it. they were really sweet together. anyway, how have you been? I missed you.’

wonbin’s mind raced, anger and jealousy twisting inside him. how dare she move on so easily? he had always controlled the narrative, made her feel insignificant, and now she was out there, smiling and happy without him. the thought infuriated him.

‘i’ve been fine,’ he replied curtly, his tone betraying his inner turmoil. ‘tell me more about this double date. what were they doing?

still unaware of his growing anger, ning ning began recounting the evening. wonbin’s grip on the armrest tightened, his knuckles turning white. ‘it sounds like everyone had a good time,’ he said through gritted teeth.

finally noticing the tension in his voice, she stopped and looked at him with concern. ‘wonbin, are you okay? you seem upset.”

he forced a smile, shaking his head. ‘i’m fine. just a bit tired, that’s all.’ she reaches out, touching his hand gently. ‘if something's bothering you, you can tell me. you know that, right?’

‘i know, thanks babe. it’s just been a long day. let’s not talk about the double dates anymore.

ning ning nodded, sensing that it was best to let the topic drop. she shifted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘alright. let’s just relax and enjoy the evening together.’

as she snuggled against him, wonbin wrapped an arm around her, his thoughts still fixated on you. he couldn’t stand the idea of you being happy without him, and he resolved to find a way to regain control over the situation.

it prompts him to decide to ask about it the next day at school, desperate to find out more. wonbin’s features twisted into a determined scowl, last night’s revelation still echoing in his mind, fueling a mix of jealousy and indignation. you, the one he was so sure he would always have a hold one, had moved on with donghyuck. the thought gnawed at him, stirring a toxic concoction of anger and resentment.

he spotted shotaro, known for his sunny disposition and extensive network of friends, intercepting him near his lockers, his voice clipped with urgency. ‘shorato, i need to ask you something, i heard a rumour yesterday.

‘sure, wonbin, what’s up?’ shotaro, always obliging, nodded and adjusted his backpack.

‘i heard that donghuck has a new girlfriend,’ he puts effort into appearing nonchalant, scrolling on his phone as if he had better things to do, and as if it was just insignificant gossip he had heard in passing.

‘yeah it seems so, i think you know the girl too, the one at your basketball game. they’re together all the time now. i’ve seen them come into school together too a few times,’ shotaro is none the wiser, easily dishing out the gossip, all whilst wonbin fights hard to control the way his jaw now tics, rage pulsing through his veins as he felt a flash of irritation.

it was clear that the time apart between you two had done more harm than good. but park wonbin was not a nice guy, or someone often graced with rational thoughts. to him, in some sick and twisted way, you were cheating on him. you had betrayed his trust and he refused to let this go on any longer.

a flicker of rage crossed wonbin’s face, quickly masked by a cold smile. ‘interesting. and what else have you heard?’

shotaro frowned, sensing the tension in wonbin’s demeanour. ‘well, there’s also talk about donghyuck hosting a party this weekend. he’s invited a lot of people already but it seems like anyone could come.’

wonbin’s mind raced with possibilities. a party meant an opportunity to see you, to confront you in a social setting where he could exert his influence. he nodded slowly, his plan forming with each passing second. ‘thanks, shotaro. see you around.’

with that, he turned on his heel and strode down the hallway, his mind focused on the upcoming party. he needed to regain control, to remind you of your past and what you both once shared. wonbin was determined to break you down, to manipulate your emotions.

throughout the day, wonbin’s thoughts remained fixed on his plan. he knew exactly what he needed to do at donghyuck’s party. he would corner you, slowly chipping away at your resolve until you saw that being with him was where you truly belonged.

making his way through the crowded halls, wonbin’s outward appearance was calm and collected, but inside, a storm of determination raged. he would stop at nothing to win you back, even if it meant using manipulation and deceit to achieve his goal. the party was just the beginning of his calculated scheme to reclaim what he believed was rightfully his.

perhaps it was narcissistic, the sense of entitlement that he felt that created the need for admiration, but your naivety and how easy it was to get you to fall at his knees at his every word meant that he would not let go of you.

 not until he wanted to.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

‘home sweet home,’ you kick off your shoes, barely getting your jacket past your waist until you flop onto donghyuck’s bed. it was his birthday today, meaning you had been on your feet all day, making sure his cake was ready, or that the cocktails ordered were the right flavours amongst other last minute things.

as tired as you were though, it didn’t bother you as much. hyuck had been a good friend to you, someone you cherished dearly, so giving up a few hours on his special day was not much of a hassle. you had just gotten back from picking up the birthday cake and cupcakes from the bakery with yunjin and mark, and decided to get what little rest you could before you had to get ready for the party.

‘move over,’ yunjin is motioning with her hands for you to leave some space for her, and as soon as you do she’s lying down besides you whilst mark watches at the doorway, arms folded with a smile on his face.

‘what’s got you smiling?’

‘i’m just thinking about how happy i am for hyuck. he’s got a girl that finally cares about him,’ you sit up at those words so suddenly that you’re sure your vision shifts for a couple of seconds.

‘they’re not in love with each other mark, give it up babe,’ yunjin speaks up for you, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. it wasn’t a secret that mark heavily advocated for the two of you to be together, given that hyuck was his bestfriend and the two of you were getting closer. he believed that your shared experiences of getting your heart broken and being taken advantage of due to loving too hard would work in your favour if you became a couple.

it was a thought that weighed heavily on your mind during this week. you were certain that if you were to be in a relationship with him, your worries of not being loved, or being abandoned, or being treated poorly like the rest of your exes would no longer be a concern. he was the sweetest boy you had ever met, and he always had your best interests at heart.

‘do you really not see hyuck in that way?’ mark turns the question to you, and it makes you pause and think. in an ideal world he would be the perfect partner for you, the one that you needed. but it was impossible to fill a wonbin shaped hole in your heart with someone that wasn’t him.

‘i wish i did,’ you confess truthfully, and to yunjin’s surprise, a little sadly. it makes her also now sit up, bringing her arms around your shoulders to bring you into a hug.

‘it’s alright if you don’t. you’re allowed to take as much time as you need to heal, there’s no time limit for that.’

her words comfort you and she gives you a small squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before she’s up on her feet again.

‘we have two hours before people start arriving and i need at least thirty minutes for my eyeliner alone.’

you’re left in hyuck’s room by yourself, deciding on also getting ready, even though it was a bit too early for you. a part of you felt bad for the mess you were sure to make in his room, your makeup products and brushes laid all over the table, outfit on his bed and a couple pairs of heels by the foot of his bed.

music played softly in the background as you sat at donghyuck’s vanity, your reflection framed by the ornate mirror adorned with fairy lights that you had convinced him to hang up. you ran your fingers through your hair, contemplating how to style it for the evening ahead.

it was nice to have a moment to yourself, leisurely taking your time to get ready. however, it meant that you were also left alone with your thoughts, which were anything but peaceful.

maybe you had healed. maybe all you needed to be completely over wonbin would be to allow yourself to be with someone else. it might help the thoughts of him that would momentarily flash in your mind, or the part of you that you felt still blindly loved him. it was time to let park wonbin go. for good.

just as you finished styling your hair into loose waves, there was a gentle knock on the door and before you could respond, mark and yunjin poked their heads into the room.

‘hey,’ mark greeted, leaning against the doorframe. ‘how’s it going in here?’

yunjin steps inside, her eyes bright with excitement as she waltzes into the room, mark in tow. ‘you look gorgeous my love. are you almost ready?’

you chuckle softly at their excitement, ‘almost, just finishing up. thanks for letting me borrow donghyuck’s room, mark.

mark nodded, his expression kind. ‘of course. take your time, everyone’s still doing one thing or another.’ 

‘someone would think that you were the birthday girl,’ mark joked as he admired his girlfriend parading around the room, a second pair of heels in her clutches.

‘looking good doesn’t need an occasion my love.’

you weren’t too far off either, your hair curled beautifully, cascading down to your back, and the black glittery two piece you wore clung to your body. you would have settled for a simple dress or even some jeans, but yunjin profusely objected, threatening to disown you.

according to her, as his closest friends they had a duty to look equally as good as donghyuck, although you were sure it was just an excuse for her to get all dressed up, like she loved to do.

‘whatever you say princess.’

the soft murmur of conversation fills donghyuck’s room as you all lounged comfortably on his bed, basking in the calm before the storm of his birthday party. you were taking refuge here after helping set up downstairs, enjoying a brief respite before the festivities began in earnest.

yunjin pulls out her phone, noting the time. ‘i think the first guests should be arriving soon,’ she remarked, glancing at you and mark.

‘yeah hyuck said they’d start showing up around this time. we should probably head downstairs.’

you all descend the stairs together, the llively chatter and laughter from downstairs growing louder as you approached the front door. you swung it open first, just as the doorbell chimed, revealing a group of donghyuck’s friends eagerly waiting to join the celebration.

‘hey, come on in!’ you greet them warmly, stepping aside to let the guests enter.

mark and yunjin followed suit, exchanging greetings and directing everyone towards the living room where the party was unfolding. upstairs, the boys were still in full swing, pre-gaming and engaging in last-minute preparations and games. donghyuck’s voice echoed down the stairs as he rallied his friends for the night ahead.

meanwhile, you busied herself ensuring everything was running smoothly. you checked the food and drinks, adjusting a few decorations here and there to perfectionist standards. the cake was laid out carefully on the kitchen table, surrounded by the mini cupcakes, and drinks were lined up with three hired bartenders. the decorations were just as you had imagined, and the presents that his friends were bringing for him were in place.

‘you could totally become an event planner,’ donghyuck’s voice causes you to turn around and you gasp at the sight of him as he leans against the counter casually. he’s always been attractive, that was non-disputable, but tonight it seemed like he had exceeded those plain terms. it reminded you of the night you first met, his dark tresses providing a flawless contrast with his skin, golden and clear, dotted with the beauty marks you loved to stare at so much.

the leather jacket he wore seemed to fit him well, and you wondered if all the time he had recently been spending in the gym was finally paying off by the way his white shirt clung to his body. but it was the faint traces of eyeliner circling his hooded eyes that left you awestruck, complimenting his eyes.

‘is this your way of telling me i look good?’ he bites his lip before a smirk graces his lips, playfulness emboldening his irises as he steps closer and closer, until you can smell the cologne that lingers on his shirt.

‘you do,’ you’re straightforward with your answer because it’s the truth.

‘i’ve got nothing on you though. thought an angel temporarily came down to visit,’ he says jokingly, but something about the look in his eye makes you feel that he means his words. 

the space between you becomes non-existent, and slowly you feel him brush a stray piece of hair away from your eyes, his fingers lingering around your face for longer than it usually would.

your eyes meet, a silent conversation unfolding between you if you were suspended in a moment outside of time. the air in the kitchen crackled with an electric tension, the proximity intoxicating, the space between you charged with a magentic pull.

you’re about to reply but you’re interrupted by jeno and jaemin, a bottle in each hand, hollering about taking shots for the birthday boy. tension that you weren’t sure was even possible to feel with donghyuck dissipates, and you feel him go back to his old self as he allows the boys to drag him out to the middle of the dance floor.

‘what was that all about?’ yunjin asks, and you failed to notice her standing behind jeno’s bigger frame, causing you to jump a little. she looks at you suspiciously, as if you had done something and gotten caught.

‘nothing,’ your reply is too quick, voice far too squeaky for her to believe you, and she had known you for too long to be deceived so easily.

‘so that means there was something. it looked like he was about to kiss you.’

you knew that, you were aware that the way his eyes would flicker down to your lips, or the way his second hand came and held you at the small of your back. you’d been kissed before, and it wasn’t hard to miss the signs. but something else shocked you, and you snap out of your daze to look your friend in the eye.

‘i know, and i think i would have let him.’

yunjin’s jaw drops dramatically before her hands fly to her mouth. ‘you mean-’

‘yes.’

‘i need some more alcohol.’

half of the night is spent inside your own mind, replaying the scene with donghyuck over and over again. he was going to kiss you, and if you hadn’t been stopped by jeno’s loud voice it would have happened. did this mean you were over wonbin? was it just because it had been such a long time since you had been kissed and you missed it? did you like hyuck as more than a friend?

the memory replayed in your mind like a haunting melody, a glimpse of what could have been. but each time you closed your eyes to savour the moment, flashes of park wonbin intruded upon your thoughts. his smile, his touch, his whispered promises- the memories of your tumultuous relationship resurfaced with unsettling clarity.

doubt gnawed at your resolve, casting shadows over the budding attraction you believed you felt for donghyuck. in this fleeting moments of introspection, you confronted the harsh truth. you were not over wonbin.

as the night wore on and the party reached its crescendo of laughter and music, you found yourself slipping deeper into a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. despite the outward revelry, an internal storm brewed within you. you drifted through the crowd with a plastic smile, deflecting conversations and laughter as though they were merely obstacles in your path. 

but behind your façade, a maelstrom of doubt and regret churned relentlessly. you had come so far in your journey of healing, painstakingly unravelling the tendrils of love and manipulation that wonbin had woven around your heart. yet, tonight, his ghost haunted you once more.

in a moment of weakness, you found yourself standing at the makeshift bar, fingers gripping a drink with more force than necessary. the amber liquid swirled in the glass, its scent sharp and intoxicating. without hesitation, you raised it to your lips, welcoming the burn that seared down your throat.

the alcohol offered a fleeting reprieve—a temporary numbing of the pain that threatened to overwhelm you. with each sip, you hoped to drown out the memories, to silence the doubts that clawed at your resolve. but with every passing moment, the thoughts of wonbin persisted, stubbornly refusing to be subdued.

disappointment settled heavily in your chest, mingling with self-recrimination. you had worked tirelessly to banish wonbin from your thoughts, to rebuild yourself without the weight of his presence. yet here you were, succumbing to the allure of temporary oblivion.

so you found yourself turning to alcohol with increasing desperation. each drink became a lifeline, a means to drown out the relentless thoughts of park wonbin that plagued your mind.

the burn in your throat was now a distant sensation. with each sip, you felt yourself slipping further from reality, the chaotic noise of the party fading into a dull hum. you didn’t want to think anymore tonight. and eventually it worked its magic. in this intoxicated state, you were free from the torment of memories, free from the disappointment in yourself from succumbing to old wounds.

the dance floor pulsed with energy, the bass vibrating through the floor and up into your bones. the dim, colourful lights spun in dizzying patterns, casting fleeting shadows on the faces of your friends and strangers alike, all moving to the beat. you throw your head back and laugh, the alcohol buzzing warmly in your veins, making everything feel brighter, louder, more intense.

your drink sloshed in its glass as you swayed to the rhythm, the liquid gleaming under the flashing lights. you take another sip, the sweetness masking the burn of the alcohol. your movements become more fluid and uninhibited with every passing moment, the night was a blur of sound and colour, and for once, you felt free.

but then you heard it- ‘who the fuck invited park wonbin?’

your heart lurched, the sound slicing through the haze of joy and alcohol like a knife. involuntarily, you stop moving, your  eyes wide and unfocused as you scan the crowd. the music seemed to fade into the background, replaced by the rush of blood in your ears.

the world seems to pause as those two words register in your head and you freeze. hyuck, who is just as oblivious to the situation as you were a couple of seconds ago, feels you stop dancing and furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

you see his lips move, and you’re sure he’s talking to you, but you can’t hear anything. as if you’re wearing noise cancelling headphones, the voices around you sound muffled. worried at your lack of response you feel the palms of his hand coming to the side of your face to bring you out of your trance.

 park wonbin is all you can see. you’re enthralled by the way his hair seems even longer than it was last time, beautifully falling just a few inches above his shoulders. he easily looked the best out of all the boys there, comparable to an angel with the way his delicate features are a distinction from his dark clothes, or his jet black hair that he lets fall freely. that was the man you had fallen in love with, the one who had the ability to render you speechless. the man who had wrapped your heart in a barbed wire of lies and control. a shiver runs down your spine, skin prickling with the memory of his touch, his words. he was here.

‘how is wonbin’s here,’ someone said again, closer this time, making you sure it was yunjin, who was far from pleased, but the damage was already done. he stood at the edge of the dance floor, his gaze locked onto you with the same intensity that had once made you feel special, desired. now, it only filled you with dread, his presence a dark cloud, threatening to consume your light and drag you back into the shadows.

he looks down to your fingers that are laced together with hyuck’s, a sight that ignited a surge of possessiveness within him but you’re unable to tell at first how he’s feeling except for the quirk of his eyebrow. then you notice the way his jaw clenched tightly before he unclenched it and you know what that meant- wonbin was pissed.

panic surged through you, a cold wave that washed away the warmth of the alcohol. you couldn’t handle this. you couldn’t handle him. not here, not now. fear and confusion twisted inside you, making it hard to breathe. the room seems to close in on you, stomach twisting and you quickly excuse yourself, your aim to make it away from his prying eyes.

you turn on your heel, pushing through the crowd, your movements frantic and desperate, too focused on stabilising yourself. the faces around you blurred, their laughter and conversations fading into a distant hum.

you burst into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind you with a loud thud. the room was starkly lit, the harsh fluorescent lights a jarring contrast to the dim, colourful glow outside.

the bathroom was a sanctuary of shadows, the dim light casting long, wavering reflections on the tiled walls. you stood at the sink, gripping its edge with such fervour that your knuckles turned white, your heart a drumbeat of anxiety, pounding in your chest as you stared into the mirror, trying to calm your racing thoughts.

the door creaked open behind you, and  a chill crawled up you spine. you didn’t need to turn around to know who had entered. 

park wonbin’s presence filled the small space like a dark cloud, heavy and oppressive. he moved with the grace of a predator, his footsteps barely making a sound as he approached you.

‘having fun?’ his voice startles you, heart racing as you accidentally hit the sink, shaking your head like a fool as your heart squeezes in your chest.

you feel bile rise rapidly to your throat, head pounding as the room starts to spin, but seemingly only for you. wonbin looks at you with pure disgust, as if you’re covered in filth, not worthy of being in his presence.

you hated the idea of him being annoyed or disappointed in you and soon tears started to streak down your face, the dam breaking before you could even attempt to hold it in, lip quivering as you blinked rapidly to stop the droplets of water from obstructing your vision.

‘wonbin please-’

‘lee donghyuck? really?’ he barely gives you a chance to speak, his actions contradicting the harsh words he spews as he gently uses his thumb to wipe away a few tears. you’re a whimpering mess, body shaking like a leaf as you try hard to stabilise yourself.

no matter how much time passed, no matter how much you willed yourself to, you couldn’t get over park wonbin. you loved him to a fault, you loved him to the point that it hurt. your love was like a rose, appearing beautiful from the red petals and buds, but stinging like the thorns that weaved up the stem.

‘you have no right to care about who i am or am not dating,’ you echo the words of hyuck, trying to seem bold and brave, pushing his hand away from you.

wonbin stops, his eyes trailing down and stopping at your feet, hair falling in front of his eyes and for a few seconds he doesn’t move. then you see his shoulders move up and down, slowly at first but they increase in speed. you know you shouldn’t be but in worry of him crying you hastily lift his head in your hands. only his face is dry, void of any tears and you see that he’s laughing instead.

‘i don’t-’

‘you’re so fucking stupid, he obviously just wants to use you.’

you’re taken aback by how harsh his words are, realising it was a mistake for you to have even said anything in the first place.you want to leave, to turn away from this suffocating situation to somewhere you can finally breathe but you’re trapped, his hands gripping your wrist, holding you against the wall.

that’s not fair wonbin. you left me,’ your voice is small, almost incomprehensible but he catches on to what you’re saying. he had you right where he wanted you, still stupidly in love with him, and he didn’t know whether to feel pity for your naivety or rejoice.

‘do you know how it felt to hear from other people that you moved on? you hurt me,’ it’s become wonbin’s second nature to turn accusations around and throw the blame on you. to make you feel like the bad guy, like you were the one in the wrong.

it was the final blow to your heart, and you feel yourself about to heave, moving past him with a shove to grip the sink, head dangerously close to the faucet as you try to steady your breathing. but he doesn’t stop there, he won’t be finished till he leaves you a mess on the bathroom floor, broken and unable to move on from him.

‘you know how hard it was for me, and you couldn’t even be patient, you tried to replace me so fast. did you even love me?’

‘stop-‘ you can barely breathe, the room closing in as you try to steady yourself, eyes shut as you pray for a miracle, for something to pull you out of this nightmare.

‘but that’s a stupid question, because i know the answer. you love me to a fault, you love me to the point it hurts you, but like a fool you keep coming back. want to know why? it’s because that’s what love is,’ he’s so close, close enough for you to smell that familiar scent of mint and cedarwood that you loved so much. it’s suffocating, making you lightheaded, and yet just like him you can’t get enough.

‘it’s not like the flowery shit you read in your books. nobody can give you that but me. no one can truly love you but me,’ he continues, not caring for how pale you turn, or how you slowly sink down to your knees, the pain of being so close to him making it unbearable for you to even stand on your own two feet.

he watches as you curl into a ball, despair coursing through your blood and a numbness clouding your eyes. your worst fears had been vocalised- maybe wonbin was the only one who would be able to love you. it made sense that he was the only one to ignite the flame of passion that you felt in the pits of your stomach. it made sense that only he held the ability to temper with your emotions to such an extreme extent. true love, that was what that feeling was.

you shrink back down into your own hollow body, lost, lacking and defeated. you sigh as you see him crouch down till he is eye level with you. you let him use his thumb to tenderly wipe away the tears that he caused as you saturate yourself in dreaded affliction.

he leaned in closer, his voice low but smooth. ‘you know, without me, you would still be just the sad broken girl, unable to love again. i’m the reason that you changed. i’ve helped you become the person you are today.’

his words wrapped around you like a silken noose, tightening with each sentence. you wanted to protest, to assert your own worth independent of his influence, but his presence was overpowering.

 every time you had tried to move on, to forget him, you were reminded of the times he had been there for you, the vulnerabilities only he had witnessed, the secrets you both held dear to your hearts. his manipulation was an art form, carefully crafted over time, making her doubt her own feelings and rely more on his.

‘remember when you said you couldn’t imagine your life without me?’ wonbin’s voice was a soft whisper now, his eyes locking onto yours.

‘i know you felt it too. we’re meant to be together.’ 

your heart ached under the weight of his words, the lines between love and control blurring in the fog of your emotions. you nod slowly, the fight within you dwindling as his grip tightened, pulling you deeper into the web he had spun so expertly around your heart.

‘don’t run away from the truth.’

his words wrapped around you like tendrils of smoke, suffocating and inescapable. you wanted to pull away, to escape the web he was spinning, but you felt rooted to the spot.

‘what truth?’

‘the truth that you have never stopped loving me, you were with donghyuck just to make me mad, to lie to yourself that you could move on from me when we both know that’s not possible,’ he murmured, his voice a silken thread of deceit. 

his hand moved from your shoulder to your cheek, a mockery of tenderness. you close your eyes, trying to block out the sensations, but his words kept seeping into your mind, eroding your defences like waves against a crumbling cliff.

‘come with me,’ he coaxed, his voice now a siren’s call. ‘leave this party, leave these people who don’t understand you. let’s find our own way, just the two of us, like it’s supposed to be.’

his manipulation was a masterful dance, each step designed to pull you closer, to break down your will. your eyes open again, your resolve slipping through your fingers like sand. you saw the satisfaction in his eyes, the gleam of triumph that he couldn’t quite hide, but it was too late.

your heart twisted, a mix of fear and the old, dangerous comfort of his words stirring within you.

‘wonbin, i… i don’t know.’

‘come with me, please. let’s leave this place. you know we’re meant to be together. no one will ever love you like i do,’ he reiterated. his manipulation was subtle, insidious, and your defences, worn thin by the weight of your history together, crumbled. 

‘okay,’ you whispered, the word barely escaping your lips, your willpower drained.

wonbin smiled, a wolf’s smile, and took your hand. he led you out of the bathroom, his grip firm and possessive. the music thumped through the walls, relentless rhythm that seemed to sync with your racing heart. as you descended down the stairs and walked through the crowded room, your head hung low, the weight of your decision pressing down on you. 

the party was in full swing, vibrant laughter and animated conversations filling the room. fairy lights now twinkled overhead, casting a warm glow over the crowded space, yet you felt a chill as you moved towards the door, your ex-boyfriend’s hand firm around your wrist.

yunjin and mark stood near the doorway, their expressions a mirror of the others. yunjin’s eyes were filled with tears, her hand clutching mark’s arm in a silent plea for comfort. mark’s jaw was set, his frustration barely contained as he watched you leave with wonbin.

‘i can’t believe he’s taking her again. after all we’ve done,’ yunjin’s grip on mark’s arm intensifies, her voice trembling out of frustration.

she had seen it all unfold- the sudden arrival of park wonbin, like a dark storm cloud interrupting the starry night. she witnessed your hesitation, your inevitable retreat into the bathroom, and how his figure stalked after yours not long after.

her eyes reflect a mixture of sadness and frustration as she turns to her boyfriend, ‘mark he’s ruined everything. she was so close….’

mark nods in understanding, his own brow furrowed with empathy.

‘she doesn’t deserve this. not after everything he put her through. i was there, mark. he broke her, i was so scared i would lose her.’

you had come so far since breaking free from wonbin’s manipulative grasp. you had found joy and laughter again, surrounded only by people who loved and cherished you, like it was supposed to be. and now, in one swift and calculated move, wonbin had disrupted it all.

 it was donghyuck’s face that stung the most though, his normally cheerful and bright expression now a canvas of hurt and confusion. he had hoped that tonight would be a turning point, a chance for you to find happiness away from the shadows of your past, away from wonbin and in his arms instead. now, he watched helplessly as you were led back into the darkness, both physically and metaphorically.

outside, the night air was cool and crisp, hitting you both as you stepped outside, a stark contrast to the heavy atmosphere inside.  the noise of the party is muffled behind the closed door. wonbin’s smile widened, the satisfaction of his victory warming him from within. he had you back, ensnared once more in his web of lies and manipulation, pulling you back into his orbit and away from the support and love of your friends.

you walk beside him, heart heavy with regret and self-doubt. the night stretched out before you, a labyrinth of choices and consequences, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were walking deeper into the maze, farther away from the light. the feeling of eyes watching you from behind following you.

but for now, wonbin’s grip was unyielding, and you followed him into the darkness, hoping desperately that you might one day find your way out.

[star-suh]

DJ

Lee Jeno x Male Reader

cw: angst attempt, fluff-ish smut, top jeno, established relationship, reconciliation sex, rimjob, blowjob, cockwarming.

—

y/n and jeno were a happy couple, days filled with smiles, hugs and kisses here and there. they were a perfect couple in the eyes of everyone around them. but that changed when jeno started to work as a dj, y/n's nights are colder now, having to eat cold food for dinner while waiting for his man to arrive, even sometimes y/n woke up sleeping on the table. 

“it's so tiring” murmured a sad y/n playing with his fingers while sitting on the couch. it's 3:33 am and it seems that jeno is not going to arrive any time soon so the guy decided to go to sleep. “morning” greeted y/n to his co-worker in the cafe “good morning y/n. want a coffee?” asked jaemin handing the cup with hot liquid to him “thank you” is the only thing he says.

jaemin is concerned about y/n he was a happy and bubbly guy but now he's like just a human shell doing things because he has to. “are you ok y/n?. you've been so cold and distant lately” he pats the other guy's back “you know, you can always count on me, right?” y/n just nodded… “it's just that i feel so tired jae… i've been trying to fix my relationship with jeno, i know he's just working but .. it feels like he's not there anymore” he sighs “i just want things to go back to the way they were before” tears starting to pool in his eyes “when i'm home he's not. dinners were the time where we connected more, we talked about ourselves and how our days were but not anymore, it was over in the blink of an eye…” jaemin hugged and comforted y/n “i’m so sorry y/n, i’m sure that you two gonna have the opportunity to talk soon and can fix this inconvenience”, “i hope so” y/n wipes his tears when the doorbell rang, a pair of girls entering.

“good afternoon, what are you going to order ladies?” jaemin took the girls' orders and went to prepare them. “did you hear there's a party tonight hosted by jackson wang?” the blonde girl tells to her friend who make a surprised face “and hot dj jeno is gonna be there too, hopefully i can sleep with him tonight” the two girls screamed and laughed while y/n listened to the conversation with a sad expression.. what if jeno doesn't need him anymore because other people can give him better things than him? “i must be overthinking” he murmured.

“goodbye jaemin” y/n waved his hand and walked away.  he unlocked his phone and searched about that party, it wasn't that hard, apparently that jackson guy is known for his eccentric parties. y/n took a taxi and went there to try to talk to jeno.

y/n was beyond surprised by the party, it was a very large mansion with beautiful gardens and colorful neon lights, y/n walked the cobbled road looking for the shirtless dj and there he was. for the first time in a while a smile appeared on y/n's face. watching how jeno was having fun made him happy too but that happiness was soon shattered by that blonde girl from before who kissed jeno.

the pretty smile dropped quickly, he can't believe what he is seeing, the love of his life kissing another person… confused he just turn around and sat on the nearest chair, failing to see how jeno pushed the girl with an annoyed expression. “please get out of my space, i have a boyfriend and i love him” were the words that came out of jeno's mouth, the girl then leaves the dj cabin with her friend.

hours have passed and y/n was emptying the liquor bottles on his table now he's getting ready to leave walking towards the exit. jeno left the cabin to go to the bathroom stumbling with an acquaintance, the love of his life. “y/n!! wha-.. what are you doing here?” the drunk guy turned around making eye contact with the taller guy “j-jeno”. it's like time around them has paused, tears started to stream down y/n's pretty eyes. jeno just hugged him, both enjoying the warm sensation of their bodies together, the warm that they both missed.

“i.. i'm so sorry y/n” said jeno. both were sitting in the bed in one of the rooms. y/n told jeno about his feelings and how he thinks jeno does not love him anymore. “that's not true y/nnie.. i really love you, you are.. you are so precious to me” he grabbed the smaller guy’s hands and put them on top of his heart “i got too immersed in my work that i didn't realize that i was leaving you aside. i'm so sorry baby you deserve so much better than this” he added.

“i understand if you want to leave me. i don't want to let you go but i was a completely asshole with you” he kissed y/n's forehead and hugged him tightly. “it's ok jeno. i’m happy that we were able to talk and work things out, this is one of the reasons why i love you." y/n commented making jeno smile. “god you're so fucking cute” jeno throws y/n onto the bed and sits on top of him, starting to kissing his neck. “i think i owe you an apology and i’m going to do it by showing how much i love you." the dj started to leave kisses everywhere. “hold on hold on.. what about the your job?” asked y/n. “don’t worry there's someone there to replace me” the older whispered.

slowly jeno discarded y/n’s clothes, making sure to always tell him how beautiful he is. mouths clashed in a desperate needy kiss, it's been a long time since they felt each other. jeno's touch leaving a burning sensation on y/n's body “you make me feel so good jeno”. “is that so? i'm about to make you feel even better then” he laughs burying his face in y/n's ass to eat his hole “hmm tasty”...

y/n started to give a blowjob to jeno while the latter plays with his tight hole “i missed this so much” a string of saliva connecting jeno's mouth to the other's ass. slowly the top introduced all his cock in the bottom's ass “so fucking tight for me” growled the taller. both make eye contact while jeno thrusted slowly, he was appreciating y/n's features being highlighted by the neon lights of the party, that perfect face, those pretty eyes, fuck such a cute guy “like what you see mr. dj?” mocked y/n. “shut up” jeno responded kissing him.

they spend the whole night fucking, they haven't done it for a long time so it worked both as a way to let out all that repressed sexual energy and as a way to reconcile. “let's cum together baby” said y/n and jeno immediately pull out and grabbed both cocks in his hands, jerking off both at the same time “fuckk~ give me that cum” grunted y/n feeling jeno's calloused hands doing friction against his cock “i'm gonna cum” a feral moan leaving jeno's mouth while jets of warm cum came out of the tip of his cock landing on y/n's face and torso while y/n's landed on jeno's torso as well.

fireworks exploded outside in front of the room's window, lighting up the room in bright pretty colors. the happy couple watching them lying on the bed in a spoon position with jeno being the big spoon so y/n can cockwarm him “i love you so much y/n.. let's be happy from now on” jeno hugged y/n tightly smooching his neck making the other giggle “i love you so much too jeno. you're the best thing that happened to me”. tired after all the sex they both just fell asleep until late in the morning when they woke up. “let's go home and eat something. i'm gonna cook” jeno says, squeezing y/n's cheek and kissing it “ok let's go” y/n replied while they walked out of the mansion holding hands.

[bogkeep]

when i was a teen, i was in love with my best friend. to this day i cannot tell you with any certainty whether or not i was in love romantically or platonically. i don't know and i don't care. it's very possible there is a difference, but i never found it. i've asked many people about it and everyone has their own definition of where that line goes, none that ever applied to my own experiences. there is no satisfying, universal and objective line. i think that's good, actually. the idea that there is some shining abstract concept that's specialer than all the other concepts that can only be achieved like nirvana by some people and not others is not a comfortable idea. this is not to say that everyone has the same feelings and experiences, absolutely not - but we categorize our experiences within the contexts we exist in. or maybe that's just word salad.

i know that - at the time, i knew i was deeply connected to this other person and kept thinking about her all the time and we talked about wanting to be close friends for our whole lives and wrote poetry together about our soulmateness and we made mutual friends feel like a third wheel. i knew i had no desire to kiss her or take her on dates, and she crushed on some boy at summer camp, but the connection between us was mutual and explicit. if the concept of a queerplatonic relationship had been available to us at the time, maybe we would've recognized it as such. i just knew that what i was feeling didn't match up at all with what i've been told 'being in love' was supposed to be like - especially because, at the time, Being In Love also included sexual attraction. we had just cracked open the 2010's and asexuality was a punchline and a joke.

i know that - during the time i was made to feel ashamed of my aroace identity and the narrative was that i'm actually just repressing my TRUE queer identity, i reframed my memories - i had obviously been in love with my friend Romantically. i was a Real Gay. i was Valid. I Was Sapphic Actually. you can't kick me out of the parade if i had pined for my best friend as a teen!!!!

i know that - once i reclaimed the pride in myself, i reframed the memories again: i had obviously been in love with my friend Platonically, because otherwise i would've been a traitor to the good name of aromanticism. if i knew what it was like to have a crush i would contradict myself. who am i to write about romantic love as if i know? what was i doing at the devil's sacrament?

maybe it is a mystery. maybe i don't know shit. it's hard, actually, to know anything at all when the way my strange brain filters emotions through my body reads so different to the user manual. how can anyone stand to pine for another when it's all anxiety, all day? "butterflies"???? really????? how am i supposed to know anything for sure when my brain's favourite hobby is to pick thoughts apart and run them through the distortion machine on repeat, on repeat, on repeat? i don't know if i've ever loved anyone at all, now that i think about it. maybe i'm an empty shell of a human and everything i do is an act of puppetry and wishful thinking.

i just gotta trust that the love is there, in some form or another. even when i can't reach for it and confirm its existence - let alone deduce a detailed taxonomy. what do you even need that for.

[trashybugs]

[Fanservant] Pan-Human-History Fairy King Oberon

PHH Fairy King Oberon

Class: Ruler

PROFILE

Default:

The great fairy king and the ruler of the Seelie court. Different from his Lostbelt counterpart who was born as a doomsday terminal, this fairy king lives just to enjoy life and be happy.

Although he was born as the elven king Alberich from the Germanic folklore Nibelungenlied, as time progresses, he has incarnated into a more famous portrayal from Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night Dream". He loves fame and attention, he doesn't mind shedding his old shell to become a more resplendent butterfly.

He is very capable in combat and holds a great strength, capable of controlling the nature and weather even from a change of mood. Because of his overwhelming strength, he's used to toying with his enemies and underestimating them. He prefers to summon his fae servants to fight for him while he watches from a fair distance with a benevolent (cruel) smile.

Bond 1:

Height/Weight: 183cm, 60kg (not counting antlers)

Origin: Germanic folklore, medieval European literature

Region: Britain (formerly), Avalon

Alignment: Chaotic-Neutral

Gender: Male

"My my, dearest, pray tell, why are you staring at me with that innocent, doe-eyed eyes look of yours... are you that astonished at how different I am to that pathetic, washed-out mimicry?

As expected, not a single being in any realm could come close to my greatness after all. Of course, there's a limit to what playing pretend could do... Now, come sit beside me. I would love to hear what you think of me."

A flirty, unrestrained, and outgoing monarch. Oberon has gathered a lot of lovers from varying races in his lifetime, and he's still open into adding more to his harem.

Bond 2:

While he loves gathering beautiful people for himself, he also takes great enjoyment in playing matchmaker and seeing other people's relationship develop, for the best or the worst.

A complete opposite from his other self who appreciates and finds value in everything, this Oberon does not bother attaching meaning in anything he chases. He doesn't view relationships and connections as something that should be cherished, for in the infamous Shakespearian play, his wife has proven to still love him no matter what he does.

He has a great many desires but his motives seem to be empty and short-sighted. As seen in the play, he gave his queen, Titania, a love potion to prank her without thinking much of what will happen after its effects wore off. He received no consequences for his actions and the story eventually brushed aside the quarrel that they had, further enabling his behavior. To him, there never seemed to be a problem that came his way or a moment in the story that criticized his faulty mindset.

His appetite for the world is unquenchable, as he views everything in it as worthy of enjoyment. He seeks to collect everything that shines before his eyes, yet as his collection grows, so does his dissatisfaction. What motives he has to obtain them are but a momentary fancy, but due to his own frivolous nature, he's fundamentally incapable of realizing and fulfilling his desire for a genuine attachment

Oberon lives as any pan-human history fairies will do, living life as he pleases.

Bond 3:

Being one of the great-father of the fae realm, Oberon, who came from the inner sea of the planet and has no connection with human civilization, is very connected to nature.

This can be seen with his appearance, a large beautiful antlers that attracts birds and insects to land on it, and legs resembling a stag. his outfit and a flowery cloak that is magically created by his fae servants. He’s adorned with jewelries from humans who gave him offering as a way to pass his territory safely. In some legend his pearls are made out of maiden’s tears.

with a face that is blessed to be forever beautiful, he is a king that is fitting to rule the fae realm.

Without his beloved queen Titania to accompany him, he took in her role and personality. He developed more gentle, nurturing, almost motherly role to the fairies around him.

As long there’s nature around him, he could give birth to new fairies on a whim using little bit of mana from his Fairy Patterns. He sires many children from that method of reproduction alone but he also took enjoyment in creating them with others. Such as his consorts and random human maidens.

In some legends he have another famous fairy queen besides Titania, named queen Mab

Bond 4:

Oberon was horrified and amused upon finding out about his other self. A pretend prince in rags and naught a kingdom to speak of. A solitary, spineless insect who is content to forever stare at the star above him instead of dragging it down for himself.

Oberon can't wrap his mind on the way his other self sees the world, and while he agrees that stories should not be forgotten, he thinks they should rightfully be enjoyed forever, else they don't qualify as something interesting. In that case, they might as well be obsolete in his eyes.

In the end he took great enjoyment in observing his other self, and wouldn't even mind extending his affections toward him.

After all, he is still his beloved's master compatriot.

Bond 5:

Though his favor is true in a sense, his seeming infatuation with the Chaldean master urges him to act as though he's madly in love with them. In truth, he initially sees them as a form of entertainment, something to satisfy his curiosity and burgeoning envy as to why his other self-took so much liking towards them.

His yearning for the fictitious Titania might perhaps be even stronger than that of Oberon Vortigern's, for he sees Titania as his rightful wife in the myth, unlike Oberon Vortigern who is simply a pretender. As time goes on, his desperation to have a genuine affection for his master grows, leading him to question why their relationship with his other self seems to flourish more than it does with him. He's failed to understand that his connection with his master is fundamentally different, as the relationship between his other self and the Chaldean master have been forged through a long journey together in Lostbelt Britain.

Despite his strong longing for a true love, he doesn't put much effort in trying to find it nor is his attachment to that desire strong enough to make him hate Pan Human History.

"After all, the world is a beautiful place filled with enjoyment, what would be the point in destroying such things?"

The world is but a playground to him, in the end.

big thanks to my friend @lamunana who helps me brainstorm his lore, write her own ideas and even fix my grammar!

[fairycosmos]

I just read your post about your lack of identity and I feel so very similar. I've always been shy and quiet and weird even as a kid but nowadays (I'm 23) I have extreme social anxiety and one tip I always hear is to "just be yourself" and to not be ashamed if you say/do something embarassing etc etc. And the thing is...I dont know how to be myself. I spent the last 5 years basically only interacting with my immediate family because i lost all my friends due to my mental illness and my being unable to be a normal young person. And in this time of (relative) isolation all these things that humans naturally do in interactions or just everyday life have become very hard and artificial-feeling for me. Like everything i do i am aware of and i think it through, even the dumbest stuff like scratching my fucking nose. Now when I'm around other people I lose all sense of who I am and what I want to do and say. I'm not even scared to embarass myself anymore, I just turn into a completely empty shell around others because it feels like all of myself is gone then, so it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to "be myself". What would myself do now? Smile? Say something? Move around in my seat? I literally dont know. Who am I even? And then I HAVE TO put on some kind of facade and try to act normal because otherwise i would literally sit there, staring blankly into space with no expression, not saying a word. It is so fucking hard. Sorry for telling you this, I hope you have a nice day if you ever read this <3

i completely understand what you mean, im in the same boat and honestly you articulated this so well.....ive nicknamed it social or mental atrophy and it's incredibly painful and disorienting to deal with......what's worse is you'd think the simple solution is to just force yourself to be around people more but it's not that simple at all and it just sucks so fucking bad. especially the older you get. im 23 too and i just feel like i never got to develop a mind or personality of my own around others. to this day im just on autopilot with nothing to offer and my natural state is just silence and not talking or expressing anything. people are obviously not very drawn to that and it's just a really lonely way to be but i quite literally don't know how to be anything else. i go through that too - just questioning what am i supposed to do in this moment? what would "i" do or say? i just don't know and ive tried really hard to push myself into social situations for years and it still hasn't changed anything. yeah, i completely get what you mean - it's really hard and im sorry you have to deal with it as well. i truly hope you find people who appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated. i hope you're able to discover yourself bit by bit and that you feel comfortable enough to express that someday. i hope you have a nice day too and if you ever need a friend or anything feel free to shoot me a message ❤️

[empty-fantasies]

Cherished Dreams

in which commandment wonders if constructs dream—so, why not ask a certain construct who adores resting in the most inconspicuous places?

Character(s) Included: Wanshi

gn!reader/commandment, slight fluff, once again no plot; just merely indulging in random thoughts

An envious sight, really.

Commandment, with their human body which could not escape the grasp of fatigue and ache that accumulated over many missions, could only stare down at the slumbering construct beside them. An envious sight, really, for despite how uncomfortable his position may seem, commandment could only silently mourn for some well needed rest.

A gentle hand threaded through soft curls, curiously and unfamiliar for it was the same hand used to make the decisive move on the field. A tired gaze, having seen tragedy after tragedy, witnessing every rise and every fall of many battles, softened slightly at the slumbering sight of Wanshi. To drift off into dreamland so easily, they thought, a well deserved rest after a long mission.

The construct, though his lethargic nature remained deceptive to many, was always very much aware of his surroundings. Perceptive, like a hawk who never misses his mark. A hand reached up, slowly grasping the human wrist that flinched ever so slightly from his action. A soft stutter in the otherwise steady rhythm pulsated underneath his fingertips, perhaps out of instinct and mere shock though he simply chose not to comment on it. They remained there, however, as he peeled one eye open.

“Wanshi?” Commandment questioned, “How long have you been awake?”

A muffled groan, one merely acknowledging and contemplating whether or not to entertain right at this moment. Since you’ve entered the lounge, wanshi wanted to answer. It was habitual for such a light sleeper like him to be aware of the tiniest of noises that echo from nearby. Though he may have moved if it had been chrome or kamui who walked in. Perhaps luck was on his side today.

“Too long,” he murmured with a yawn.

Commandment could only remain silent as they mulled over their next response, having realized that they may have woken the construct the moment they stepped into the lounge. Truthfully speaking, they were simply pondering a silly question—or, at least one in which they felt was rather out of character for them to entertain given their position. Still, that did not distract them from the icy, metal fingers still wrapped around their wrist (albeit rather loosely). Quickly as they were able to calm their heart down, such a gesture had easily riled their heart for a split second. Nevertheless, they were a bit too slow to humor the strike hawk member.

“You look tired.” An observation that brought back commandment’s earlier thoughts of misery and reminded them of the reason why they chose to sneak into this supposedly empty lounge in the first place.

“That I am,” Commandment sighed out in defeat. There was no use in hiding it, anyway. If it weren’t some passing construct, then it surely would be one of the gray ravens to note how worn down their commandment looks right now. Yet, they would rather not focus on that—a moment of respite like this was rare for them and one that they would love to indulge for as long as time permitted.

“Wanshi,” Commandment began, “do constructs dream?”

Wanshi hummed, pondering the question as he closed his eyes once more. Dreams were rather an abstract thing to constructs. Vivid images that plague the m.i.n.d. one way or another would invade any construct sooner or later. For while their shell is but metal and circuits, they were all still susceptible to the mental fatigue that threatened to swallow every soldier eventually. The question itself reminded him of a time he passed on an old dreamcatcher to Commandment—a sentimental object he treasured once before. a comforting reminder that there will be something there to capture the nightmare-ish images of tragedy and the chaotic memories of bygone days centered in the star of life.

Wanshi opened his eyes. His hand had let go of commandment’s own a while ago. “They do, of course,” he replied bluntly. He shuffled slightly before he pushed himself up to a sitting position. An unusual sensation stirred in his chest, as if mimicking a heavy heart attempting to let go of some deep seeded burden that nearly snapped its wire-like strings. Constructs were shells of metal and circuits; a vessel created with the intent to be a beacon of hope in the fight against the punishing virus.

“But, with you here, I’m afraid that this is all merely one long dream that I’ll wake up from the moment you leave my side.”

Maybe, in the eyes of Wanshi, constructs were silent protectors of their human life. A basin of memories that feed into these so-called dreams that he still cherishes deeply even if he may not be so open to say so himself.

[thebrickinbrick]

Preliminary Gayeties, Part 1

LAIGLE DE MEAUX, as the reader knows, lived more with Joly than elsewhere. He had a lodging, as a bird has one on a branch. The two friends lived together, ate together, slept together. They had everything in common, even Musichetta, to some extent. They were, what the subordinate monks who accompany monks are called, bini. On the morning of the 5th of June, they went to Corinthe to breakfast. Joly, who was all stuffed up, had a catarrh which Laigle was beginning to share. Laigle's coat was threadbare, but Joly was well dressed.

It was about nine o'clock in the morning, when they opened the door of Corinthe.

They ascended to the first floor. Matelote and Gibelotte received them.

"Oysters, cheese, and ham," said Laigle. And they seated themselves at a table.

The wine-shop was empty; there was no one there but themselves.

Gibelotte, knowing Joly and Laigle, set a bottle of wine on the table.

While they were busy with their first oysters, a head appeared at the hatchway of the staircase, and a voice said:

"I am passing by. I smell from the street a delicious odor of Brie cheese. I enter." It was Grantaire.

Grantaire took a stool and drew up to the table.

At the sight of Grantaire, Gibelotte placed two bottes of wine on the table. That made three.

"Are you going to drink those two bottles?" Laigle inquired of Grantaire.

Grantaire replied, "All are ingenious, thou alone art ingenuous. Two bottles never yet astonished a man."

The others had begun by eating, Grantaire began by drinking. Half a bottle was rapidly gulped down.

"So you have a hole in your stomach?" began Laigle again.

“You have one in your elbow," said Grantaire. And after having emptied his glass, he added: "Ah, by the way, Laigle of the funeral oration, your coat is old.”

“I should hope so," retorted Laigle. "That's why we get on well together, my coat and I. It has acquired all my folds, it does not bind me anywhere, it is moulded on my deformities, it falls in with all my movements, I am only conscious of it because it keeps me warm. Old coats are just like old friends."

"That's true," ejaculated Joly, striking into the dialogue, "an old goat is an old abi” (ami, friend).

"Especially in the mouth of a man whose head is stuffed up," said Grantaire.

"Grantaire," demanded Laigle, "have you just come from the boulevard?"

"No."

"We have just seen the head of the procession pass, Joly and I."

"It's a marvellous sight," said Joly.

"How quiet this street is!" exclaimed Laigle. "Who would suspect that Paris was turned upside down? How plainly it is to be seen that in former days there were nothing but convents here! In this neighborhood! Du Breul and Sauval give a list of them, and so does the Abbé Lebeuf. They were all round here, they fairly swarmed, booted and barefooted, shaven, bearded, gray, black, white, Franciscans, Minims, Capuchins, Carmelites, Little Augustines, Great Augustines, old Augustines, there was no end of them."

"Don't let's talk of monks," interrupted Grantaire, "it makes one want to scratch oneself."

“Bouh! I've just swallowed a bad oyster. Now hypochondria is taking possession of me again. The oysters are spoiled, the servants are ugly. I hate the human race. I just passed through the Rue Richelieu, in front of the big public library. That pile of oyster-shells which is called a library is disgusting even to think of. What paper! What ink! What scrawling!

"And then, I met a pretty girl of my acquaintance, who is as beautiful as the spring, worthy to be called Floréal, and who is delighted, enraptured, as happy as the angels, because a wretch yesterday, a frightful banker all spotted with small-pox, deigned to take a fancy to her! Alas! woman keeps on the watch for a protector as much as for a lover; cats chase mice as well as birds. Two months ago that young woman was virtuous in an attic, she adjusted little brass rings in the eyelet-holes of corsets, what do you call it? She sewed, she had a camp bed, she dwelt beside a pot of flowers, she was contented. Now here she is a bankeress. This transformation took place last night. I met the victim this morning in high spirits. The hideous point about it is, that the jade is as pretty to-day as she was yesterday. Her financier did not show in her face. Roses have this advantage or disadvantage over women, that the traces left upon them by caterpillars are visible. Ah! there is no morality on earth. I call to witness the myrtle, the symbol of love, the laurel, the symbol of air, the olive, that ninny, the symbol of peace, the apple-tree which came nearest rangling Adam with its pips, and the fig-tree, the grandfather of petticoats. As for right, do you know what right is? The Gauls covet Clusium, Rome protects Clusium, and demands what wrong Clusium has done to them. Brennus answers: ‘The wrong that Alba did to you, the wrong that Fidenæ did to you, the wrong that the Eques, the Volsci, and the Sabines have done to you. They were your neighbors. The Clusians are ours. We understand neighborliness just as you do. You have stolen Alba, we shall take Clusium.’ Rome said: ‘You shall not take Clusium.’ Brennus took Rome. Then he cried: ‘Væ victis!’ That is what right is. Ah! what beasts of prey there are in this world! What eagles! It makes my flesh creep.”

He held out his glass to Joly, who filled it, then he drank and went on, having hardly been interrupted by this glass of wine, of which no one, not even himself, had taken any notice:—

“Brennus, who takes Rome, is an eagle; the banker who takes the grisette is an eagle. There is no more modesty in the one case than in the other. So we believe in nothing. There is but one reality: drink. Whatever your opinion may be in favor of the lean cock, like the Canton of Uri, or in favor of the fat cock, like the Canton of Glaris, it matters little, drink. You talk to me of the boulevard, of that procession, et cætera, et cætera. Come now, is there going to be another revolution? This poverty of means on the part of the good God astounds me. He has to keep greasing the groove of events every moment. There is a hitch, it won’t work. Quick, a revolution! The good God has his hands perpetually black with that cart-grease. If I were in his place, I’d be perfectly simple about it, I would not wind up my mechanism every minute, I’d lead the human race in a straightforward way, I’d weave matters mesh by mesh, without breaking the thread, I would have no provisional arrangements, I would have no extraordinary repertory. What the rest of you call progress advances by means of two motors, men and events. But, sad to say, from time to time, the exceptional becomes necessary. The ordinary troupe suffices neither for event nor for men: among men geniuses are required, among events revolutions. Great accidents are the law; the order of things cannot do without them; and, judging from the apparition of comets, one would be tempted to think that Heaven itself finds actors needed for its performance. At the moment when one expects it the least, God placards a meteor on the wall of the firmament. Some queer star turns up, underlined by an enormous tail. And that causes the death of Cæsar. Brutus deals him a blow with a knife, and God a blow with a comet. Crac, and behold an aurora borealis, behold a revolution, behold a great man; ’93 in big letters, Napoleon on guard, the comet of 1811 at the head of the poster. Ah! what a beautiful blue theatre all studded with unexpected flashes! Boum! Boum! extraordinary show! Raise your eyes, boobies. Everything is in disorder, the star as well as the drama. Good God, it is too much and not enough. These resources, gathered from exception, seem magnificence and poverty. My friends, Providence has come down to expedients. What does a revolution prove? That God is in a quandry. He effects a coup d’état because he, God, has not been able to make both ends meet. In fact, this confirms me in my conjectures as to Jehovah’s fortune; and when I see so much distress in heaven and on earth, from the bird who has not a grain of millet to myself without a hundred thousand livres of income, when I see human destiny, which is very badly worn, and even royal destiny, which is threadbare, witness the Prince de Condé hung, when I see winter, which is nothing but a rent in the zenith through which the wind blows, when I see so many rags even in the perfectly new purple of the morning on the crests of hills, when I see the drops of dew, those mock pearls, when I see the frost, that paste, when I see humanity ripped apart and events patched up, and so many spots on the sun and so many holes in the moon, when I see so much misery everywhere, I suspect that God is not rich. The appearance exists, it is true, but I feel that he is hard up. He gives a revolution as a tradesman whose money-box is empty gives a ball. God must not be judged from appearances. Beneath the gilding of heaven I perceive a poverty-stricken universe. Creation is bankrupt. That is why I am discontented. Here it is the 4th of June, it is almost night; ever since this morning I have been waiting for daylight to come; it has not come, and I bet that it won’t come all day. This is the inexactness of an ill-paid clerk. Yes, everything is badly arranged, nothing fits anything else, this old world is all warped, I take my stand on the opposition, everything goes awry; the universe is a tease. It’s like children, those who want them have none, and those who don’t want them have them. Total: I’m vexed.

[jame7t]

do you know what to do with all these molted cicada nymph shells

Sure, they're not dead, but they still give off the same vibe to me. You know? The empty casings of a spent thing? Dust gathering in the recesses where something used to be? Sure, they're not dead, but they still set off my Necroentomophobia. Fear of dead bugs! Did you know that? Did you know people could be scared of dead bugs? Whatever. It's not the same as being scared of a bug, sure. But I can be scared of a lot of bugs. Sure, little things, like the humble lady bug- not scary. Butterflies, scant as they are, are only off-putting to me. The beautiful moth? Well, I love it, but I don't want to hurt it. It's whimsical, fat body makes me nervous. I don't want to squish it by accident! Because then it would be a dead bug.

And that's worse. It's like, not precisely a direct fear of a dead bug. It won't leap at me in a defiant rage, or be waiting for me around the scary corner. It's more like a shortcut to existential dread. It's a combination of 'ew!' and 'I am going to die one day' and more importantly, if a bug is dead, something has killed it. And you never know if that something is still lurking around. Just kidding. Do you know what a cicada shell is made of? That's right. It's the happy chitin! I don't have an issue with chitin. We're not chitinous beasts, but we have the enzymes to break them down. Humans, that is. This isn't a science fiction piece. This is my blog. I've always thought chitin was interesting though- it's a natural armor made for little guys ostensibly. Little guys in the sense, that it is for bugs only. Well, crabs have chitin, and they can get pretty big- The spider crab can grow over 300 feet in diameter. Just kidding, it can't do that. It's pretty big though. At this point, you'd think: 'Okay- crab reference, and a direct link to the enzymes to break down chitin. Do we eat them? Should we eat the Cicada shells?' Well, I'm not going to. That sounds kind of scary to me. Would you? Would you eat the shell of a thing? I can't imagine it tastes good. I'm eating potato chips right now. They're yummy, and crunchy, and in many ways- the opposite of the humble cicada's false corpse. A lying bug. A lying, cheating, swarming thing. A bug we don't like. A bug we have to deal with. Don't we have to deal with everything? Would it be easier to show less mercy to the little things? It wouldn't, and it would be mean. And that's worse. Anyway, to answer your question, you turn them into mulch, apparently. Or bury them in a hole. Through my research, those were the only two real options we have. There's also 'add them to compost.' So that's three, you have three options. Do you want my opinion? No? Moving on then. There's also a fourth option- a telling one, at that. A sort of 'secret option' lots of people choose. 'Let them decompose on your lawn.' Right? Right, the easy one? Might as well call it 'do nothing.' Doing nothing is always a choice, sure, but when you give me the choice to 'do nothing' in a game, or choose your own adventure, it always seems like a lazy choice on the developer's part. And sure, from your real life perspective, it's probably the easiest. But from a game design perspective? You have to account for the player sitting and watching. What happens if I don't intervene? What happens if I let it continue? Well, in the case of the empty cicada, they stink apparently. I've never noticed it, and we have cicadas here- but I've been lucky enough to never be out in or see a swarm. A predecessor of mine once recalled a story in which the swarm was so bad, you couldn't walk outside without crushing them on the sidewalks "Ew," is what I thought. Maybe they only smell if there's hundreds of them. Thousands? No, probably just hundreds. Not saying they wouldn't smell more if there were lots, I'm saying they probably start being noticeable at around a hundred. Nothing wrong with that. Not sure what the smell is, though. Do you? You should put them in a hole.

[askinkiskarma]

ᴋɪɴᴋᴛᴏʙᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ xɪɪɪ - ɪɴ ᴘᴜʙʟɪᴄ

pairing: neteyam x human!reader

➽ a/n: finally, a new drabble! i'm actually quite happy with this one, and you better read until the end for a (hopefully) nice surprise! ly besties, smooches and xoxos

➽ words: >700 words

➽ warnings: it goes without saying, but all of these works (kinktober-related) are smut and therefore minors should NOT interact with them. other warnings include: fingering, tiny little degradation, tiny bit of praise

➽ taglist (x) ➽ kinktober masterlist (x)

A moan - small and insignificant, you thought, pushing past your plump lips like the air through the trees on a particularly stormy night. But he heard it, and that was enough for the movement to cease, enough for the pleasure bubbling up in your core to dissipate almost as quickly as it began. A shiver - down your spine, at his hushed purring words, his voice sweet like honey and molten like the lava in the Pandoran volcanoes you’ve only but heard about and envisioned in dreams and fantasies. 

“What did I say happens if you make a noise?” 

A sharp inhale - looking around the room, where Na’vi and humans stood alike, focused intently on the motion picture displayed clearly on a big projector. Like in a cinema, you were told. Humans love movies, they go out of their ways to experience them the way they were intended, and Norm insisted - no movies unless on a proper screen. It was nice. A stepping stone in the right direction, in the continuous if not a bit unrelenting desire to improve intra-species relationships and merge the now two coexisting words. So maybe what you were doing now was good, right? Cooped up under a blanket in between your best friend’s thighs, his fingers knuckle deep in your soaking cunt, hitting spots inside of you you didn’t even know were possible, his thumb drawing circles on your clit… It’s progress, right? You’re… building up rappor with the Omaticaya… right?

A promise of four purple bruises - as his hand digs into your hip, willing you for an answer you didn’t want to give him, because if you did, it would mean facing harsh reality. 

“Answer me, yawne.”

Whispered touches on your folds - as he teases you with the promise of more, as he tortures you with the lack of it. It’s heaven and hell, just like his whole entire being is. Neteyam was the perfect man, an angel on paper - sent from above to heal, to mend, to be everything anyone’s ever wanted of him. The perfect son. The perfect soldier. The perfect sibling. The perfect friend. The devil in actuality- like he was now, in the confines of the privacy you normally found yourselves in when like this, desperate to own you, possess you, eager to strip you of your clothes and sanity layer by layer until you were nothing but a fucked-out shell of who you were at the beginning of the night, until you were begging him to stop… until you were begging him for more. 

“S-stop. You said you’d… stop.”

A low chuckle - evil and mischievous, filled with underlying ache and a deep desire to put you over his knee and show you how good girls are supposed to behave. Later. Right now, he wants to see you squirm, he wants to hear you struggle to keep that pretty little mouth shut as he makes you come on his fingers over and over, until you’re squirting and mewling and crying, until you inevitably fail and he has to watch you scramble for a lie, stumble on your words as you say to the people watching in confusion that the movie was just that emotional. 

“That’s right. So what am I supposed to do now, mm?” 

A whine - desperate and pitiful, as you grind on his drenched fingers, looking for any relief, any friction that could alleviate the emptiness in you. The chuckle was a full blown laugh now, perfectly matched to a particularly funny scene in the movie. It wasn’t weird when everybody else laughed, too, right? Neteyam couldn’t have told anyone asking what was going on on the screen if they paid him, and well, he was glad because this… this was so, so much better. 

“Keep go…argh! Keep going, fuck!”

A moan - as he enters you again, two of his large fingers stretching you like a dream, hitting spots inside of you you didn’t even know existed. All of a sudden the world, this room, they were null in your mind, and you were alone with just him, with just these feelings and the man who was making them real, with the orgasm you felt rapidly approaching and what you knew would be the beginning of a long, long night.

“There we go. My little slut, taking my fingers so well. Maybe it’s time to give this people a real show, huh… Vol?”

taglist: @pandoraslxna @sulieykte @blue-slxt @eywaeveng @neteyamsikran @elenamoncada-ibarra @spicymayyo @itsjazzsworld @daddysmurfslefttoenail @eyrina-avatar @iameatingmyhair @hadesbabygurl@linydoll @the-mourning-moon @kasai-https @dvxsja (if your tag doesn't work pls check your settings x)

[gilverrwrites]

Hi can you please do 12 no underwear? For more human!Cas? I was thinking maybe their out in public ands the reader is wearing a short skirt fo something and Cas gets all turned on and wound up or something like that idk only if you want to. THANK YOU

Take Me Home

Pairing: Human!Castiel/Fem!Reader (Season 9)

Rating: M/18+

I guess this is an unofficial installment of the 'If you will have me, I am yours' series. GN!Pronouns used, but reader does have AFAB anatomy.

Please remember: to always lift with your legs. (The actions performed in the below fic are performed by fictional characters!)

Words: 885

Content: Semi-public foreplay, semi-public nudity, teasing Cas, Cas teasing you, dirty talk, size difference.

Excerpt: “No underwear?” He whispers. “Is that for my enjoyment?” “Who else?” You giggle, wiggling your ass back until it rubs against Cas’s crotch. The hiss that escapes his lips only fueling your fire.  

“Okay!” You huff, depositing your armful of sundries into the cart Cas was nonchalantly following you around the store with for your late-night grocery shop. “What next?”

“Ummmm.” You stare at his lips as he purses them while examining your communal shopping list. “Rice.”

“Rice, yes!” You confirm before hurrying over to the next aisle, occasionally turning back to make sure Cas was close behind you. When you spot the 5kg bag of rice on the bottom shelf, you take a moment to sheepishly look up and down the aisle, confirming the two of you are alone and there are no CCTV cameras nearby. With one last glance to check Cas is looking, you bend straight over at the waist, you feel the short fabric of your dress rise straight over your naked ass. The cold air, the feeling of being exposed, of knowing Castiel was watching made your skin tingle, and you were hyperaware of how wet you were already becoming.

Rice obtained you slowly stand up straight, when you’re sure you can feel your dress has settled enough to cover your lower body you turn back to the cart. When you look up at Castiel he’s stock-still, brows furrowed, lips pursed, and cheeks pink.

“What’s wrong?” You ask as you place the rice in the cart.

He stares at you a moment longer before deadpanning; “Nothing.”    

You’re unable to hide the confusion that briefly overcomes your face. You’re only halfway to composing a response when Cas changes the subject by pointing at the shelves behind you. “Can you obtain one of those?”

You follow his gesture to a box of vegetable stock on the very top shelf. You’re pretty sure that even in your highest heels you couldn’t reach that, at least not without climbing.  Regardless, you defiantly nod your head at him and make your way over. Again, you verify your surroundings before extending onto the tips of your toes and stretching your body upwards. Sure enough, the hem of your dress rides up again, not exposing much, but enough that anyone looking would know you were naked underneath.

You’re reaching for the stock for no longer than a few seconds before you feel the familiar touch of Castiel’s calloused fingers on your hip. His warm breath tickles the shell of your ear as he leans closer.

“No underwear?” He whispers. “Is that for my enjoyment?”

“Who else?” You giggle, wiggling your ass back until it rubs against Cas’s crotch. The hiss that escapes his lips only fueling your fire.  

Combating you, he pushes his groin against you further, grinding his clothed erection between your ass-cheeks. It’s your turn to let out an unexpected groan.

“The store is almost empty.” He muses, and you shiver as his free hand gently finds its way to the front of your dress. He rests his chin on your shoulder and watches his own fingers as he plays with the hem. “I could lift your dress right now. I am doubtful that anyone would notice.”

“We could do that.” You concur, certain that your pussy must be dripping by now. If he decided to do it, you probably wouldn’t stop him. “But, we’ll have to be real quiet, and fast.”

Castiel’s rutting slows, and you enjoy the feel of his chest rising and falling against your back as he seems to consider your concerns.

“You have no idea how much I want you right now.” He states and your legs tremble when you feel him bypass your dress, and roughly run a finger between your folds, briefly caressing your clit before delving down to your entrance. He withholds his fingers from plunging in, pressing just hard enough to work you open, without the pleasure of feeling him inside you. “But if I take you home, I can make love to you all night, and you can make those noises that turn me on. I do love the noises you make.”

You’re enjoying his words, you really are, but all you can really think about right now is his

fingers. How close they are, how full they’ll make you feel. You’re trying to gain just a little more height, to move just a little bit forward, so you can sink yourself onto him. Just when you think you’ve found it Cas pulls his hand away, grabbing the box of vegetable stock from above you and adding it to the cart.

You spin around, flushed, dress still hiked above your ass, ready to object but Cas is already at the end of the aisle. You hurry after him, straightening your outfit as you go.

“Where are you going?”

“To the check-outs. Then home.” He informs you as you catch up with him.

“Did we get everything on the list?” You ask.

“Close enough. I will purchase any items we missed after work tomorrow.” He’s barely looking at you, eyes scanning every spot in the store. Undoubtedly figuring out the fastest way out.

“Wow, you really wanna take me home fast huh? Can’t wait to get me out of this dress.” You tease, snaking your arms around one of his.  

“Actually…” He finally stops and looks down at you. Face still flushed, his eyes appraise you, lingering on your upper thighs. “I would prefer you to keep it on.”

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

I love the feeling of having a housefly or two walking across my bare skin as I'm laying in bed, and while I would never give them access to my boypuss because bacteria and shit, I like to imagine a scenario where I'm in bed, naked, half asleep, and a few flies are walking on me, tasting my sweat. I'm enjoying the featherlight touch, but I'm also noticing that there are more flies than the usual one or two.

I'm starting to wake up properly as I realise that there are dozens, way more than there should be, and they seem to move with unusual purpose, congregating on the inside of my thighs, the sensitive lower part of my belly, and on my nipples. Curiosity gets the better of me and I spread my legs, and the flies immediately move to my puss, tickling it with their tiny feet and tongues. I grow wet from their touches, but the flies don't mind. There are hundreds of them now, maybe thousands, and the swarm moves as one entity, a vaguely humanoid being made up of constantly moving, buzzing flies.

I feel myself opening up for it, and the flies rush inside of me. Within seconds I'm as full as I've ever been, and still they keep coming. The cum of an individual fly is but a miniscule drop, but by now my entire room is full of flies, concentrated into an almost human shape above and inside me, and it adds up. Oh, how it adds up!

Spent, sopping wet flies push themselves out of my slick, swollen puss, and a hundred more move in to take their place. The buzzing vibrations of the swarm fills me from the inside out, and I come, hard, over and over again. I can feel my womb expanding, and I know it should hurt but it doesn't, and I can't get enough of the feeling.

I lose track of time, I don't know how long it takes until every single one of the millions of flies have emptied their seed inside me. The swarm gradually disappears, into whatever void it came from. Before it fades away the entity made of flies nods at me, and I sense that he is pleased. So am I. I have never felt this satisfied before, and it's not long before I fall asleep again, pleasantly exhausted.

Less than a week later I start laying eggs. They're about the size of a gherkin, with a smooth white shell. I don't look pregnant, which I'm grateful for, but I birth one egg every morning, and I sneakily deposit them in random garbage cans in the city during the day. I also have a massive orgasm every time I push an egg out, and I don't know exactly how many millions of eggs I will produce, but know I will never need a human partner again. I have found my purpose in life.

It's not long before beautiful iridescent flies the size of cats begin to appear in the city, and I know they are my children. They are the heralds of a new era, where nature rises to reclaim the places destroyed by mankind, and I could not be more proud.

.