#i am aware i do yap

[hjemne]

I don't really block people and it takes a lot to get me to finally unfollow someone, in part because it's just easier to keep following and in part because I don't want to just create an echo chamber and not think critically about my beliefs. However. Some people really are testing me. Some people seem to have been put on this earth with the sole purpose of making my blood pressure rise. I cannot tell how many of these guys are posting in bad faith or if they truly do think like that.

[gammija]

ok since the Magnus Protocol is confirmed AU from tma, and jonny and alex have purposely not said that their voices are not reappearing in TMAGP, consider:

evil AU jon and martin. mostly because I just know jonny and alex would have such a good time acting that out. And also because i want to see a completely unhinged jon and a web!martin used to their full potential damnit

[puppyeared]

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

[sprout-senior]

ever so slightly embarrassing pro tip:

eating is literally so much easier when you make imaginary friends who worry about you and encourage you to take care of yourself

[stardewlogs]

my mobile save has surpassed my pc save's progress. emily gifted me a sewing machine and i've been obsessed with it like i rarely leave the farm sometimes because i'm trying to figure out how to tailor outfits

[ichigosoju]

🍓

[meowydoe]

tumblr does not want to let me make the post with a 9 second video so it’s incorrect quotes style now ig :/

Astrid : Ew your breath smell like- Jane Doe : Graham crackers? Astrid : No, it smells like ten cans of bounce dat a$$ Jane Doe : Bounce dat a$$ :(?

[gnomeantics]

happy ten year loraxversary

[angeltism]

hate getting jealous @ ppl I genuinely like and enjoy the company of for silly ass reasons

[simplyjustalittleguy]

My new job is paying for my groceries next week and they’re giving me a budget of $165 for five days of food. I have never spent that much money on food so now I have to figure out how to stretch that money as much as possible

[xxlonelym00ng1rlxx]

"i'm probably way smarter than you" boy you completely lack emotional intelligence and have no comprehension of even the most basic psychology so i really doubt that but sure whatever makes you feel better

[wonysugar]

fuck you stupid | ning yizhuo

synopsis : you thought you’d seen it all with her, but no, she somehow managed to surprise you even further.

pairing : bimbo!ningning x fem!reader

genre : bffs to... fwb?? idk they just fuck,, so obviously smut too! xx

tags : yall got lost help, fingering, degradation, belittling, dumbification, car sex, she's so stupid but she fucks you good so it's okay, very slight cunnilingus, she slaps you like once so impact play!

warnings : none!

word count : 1.6k

you, y/n l/n, weren’t exactly smart, but you also weren’t exactly stupid. like yeah, you weren’t a genius per se, but it’s not like you were brain dead either. average was the term you always used to describe your intelligence.

you unfortunately couldn’t say the same about ning yizhuo, your best friend. 

you loved her, like that’s your bitch, of course you love her! however, you’d be lying if you said that she was intellectually capable, because she just wasn’t. god, she was just so, so painfully stupid?? clumsy??? careless???? all of the above applied when it came to this woman. not even to be mean or anything of the sorts, just, yknow… natural selection at its finest.

she was aware of that, though, and even thrived in being the self proclaimed bimbo everyone knew and loved. (to which you wholeheartedly agree with, by the way) and honestly? you just couldn’t stop teasing her about it whenever you two hung out. things similar to “stupid hoe” and “dumbass” always escaping your mouth as you two laughed, probably moments after she bumped onto something on the sidewalk whilst spilling all the tea to you. 

in summary, she’s done stupid shit before, but nothing, nothing could ever top what she had done that day.

the day she got the both of you lost in some random parking lot at like, 2 am.

“ning, we’re fucking lost.” you told her, eyebrows furrowed in frustration as you watched her giggle nervously.

she grabbed her cellphone and hovered her finger over the power button, “oh come on y/n don’t be like that, i can just go on google maps and we’ll be out of here in no ti-“

a black screen.

she cleared her throat hesitantly, sighed, then pressed the button again.

nothing.

she kept doing that, giving longer presses to the side of her phone in hopes of a miracle . your patience was running thin and you were quite frankly not far from panicking.

after the 27th-ish try, you finally snapped at her.

“fucking hell ning do you not charge your damn phone??” 

“sorry that i forgot to?” 

oh she had to be joking. 

“girl oh my god what the fuck?? we’ll stay stuck here for only god knows how long and it’s all gonna be because ‘ning yizhuo forgot to charge her phone beforehand’ for fuck’s sake.” you closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose in exasperation. trying to calm down, you ignored ning’s gaze.

her stupid annoying yapping wasn’t helping at all. like, at all.

“oh so we’re once again blaming me, got it. y/n you didn’t even bring your own phone, how do you have the audacity to put the blame on me.” she said back, her eyebrow raised up as she threw her phone down on her skirt, sighing exasperatedly. 

“because someone told me it was her turn to get the aux.”

“where in that sentence did i ever tell you not to bring your phone??”

“god, ning just- just stay quiet. okay? just- please shut up, i’m trying to think. we can’t rely on you for anything.” you told her, exasperated.

in response, she scoffed, “no?? no i won’t, actually. you’re always putting the blame on me and it’s seriously starting to piss me the fuck off. yeah i’m a bimbo, whatever, but does that mean that you have to talk to me like i only have two barely functioning brain cells??” 

“oh please, saying you have two functioning brain cells would be wayy too generous. you’re always doing the stupidest shit out of the two of us. i mean fuck, you literally drove us here, in the middle of nowhere. you’re not a bimbo, you’re just fucking dumb, ning.”

when you looked back at her, she seemed hurt. like, 

a wave of guilt quickly washed over you upon seeing her pained, pained expression. she looked into your eyes, frustration and sadness clearly showing into her own. yeah, she looked pissed. you wanted to apologize almost immediately, and you were going to, 

if she didn’t suddenly press her lips onto yours before you could even get a word out. 

-

how do best friends make up after a fight?

usually, they talk it out, they go out, hug it out then get milkshakes or whatever, hell, sometimes they just go a day or two without talking then eventually forget about it.

this? this was none of that.

since she planted a kiss on your lips, you, instead of doing anything stated above, were fucking.

like, yeahh you were still lost, but at least you were getting your pussy ravaged. the situation could be handled later; when you weren’t drenched.

throwing your head back as you moaned out ning’s name, you were straddling her in the backseat of her car, feeling her two fingers deep inside you and stretching you out. she looked up at you with lustfully hooded eyes as she kissed and left very visible marks all over your neck, all the way down to your collarbone, her free hand fondling your tits, lazily playing with the nipple. 

“f-fuck ning keep going i’m sososo close- fuckfuckfuck..” feeling yourself getting pushed closer to the edge by the friction you felt, you bucked your hips faster onto her digits. the knot tying in your stomach felt like it would’ve snapped any second now, that is,

until she stopped moving her fingers altogether.

frustrated, you whined loudly, “ninggg please let me cum pleaseplease-” 

“oh yeah? so now you wanna rely on me for something, and it’s to make you cum?” she laughed. “fucking slut. i’ll make you cum whenever i want to, got it, bitch?” she added, pressing her thumb on your swollen throbbing clit, smirking condescendingly and watching how pretty you looked when pleasure contorted your face.

you unintentionally clenched at her words, nodding shamefully. it was embarrassing enough having your best friend knuckles deep inside of you, having her call you names and whatnot, but the real embarrassing part? 

enjoying it thoroughly.

she knew this, she knew she had you wrapped around her finger at that moment and oh was it such a power trip for her. seeing you be so needy for her touch, you almost started riding her fingers yourself, too. she was always the one being treated like a dumb bitch, it was nice being on the other side of things, for a change. 

she kept twisting and pulling on your nipple with her free hand as she slowly started to slide her fingers up and down your walls again, giggling and paying close attention to how your body shook and twitched at each and every one of her slow movements. what a sight to see. 

“you like being fucked stupid hm?”

and that’s what she did,

seconds,

minutes,

what felt likes hours,

you were sloppily bouncing and grinding on her fingers, speed ranging from a painful slowness to an overwhelming rapidity. 

you gripped her arms tightly, as if you would fall into some sort of void if you didn’t hold onto her for dear life. resting your head on her shoulder, you whined, losing yourself onto her. her fingers were still pumping in and out of you at that moment, faster than they were before, by the way, so it took you all of your body strength to not just cum right then and there, but you managed to hold back. for her, you held back and took all of it. every minute passing, every single motion feeling like it was threatening to make you go insane. 

“ning pleaseplease let me cum i wanna cum so badly fuck- pleasepleasepleasepleaseee-” you begged, looking down at her with pleading teary eyes.

“fuck, look at you. calling me a dumb bitch all the time, yet here you are, acting oh so stupid for my fingers. such a brainless needy little whore for me, hm? does my idiotic, pretty girl wanna cum?” 

you nodded eagerly as you whined, tears actively running down both of your cheeks, so desperate for release that you quite honestly didn’t care for how ridiculous you looked to her at that moment. you just wanted to cum, so, so, so badly, and you were ready to give up your dignity for it.

the sound of her hand slapping your cheek resonated in the car.

“say it. you know damn well i don’t accept pathetic sounds for an answer.”

“fuck— your idiotic pretty girl wants to cum pleaseee let her–”

she hummed, smirking at your response. incredibly amused by your behavior, she took her fingers out of you, picked you up by placing her hands on your thighs, then gently put you on the empty seat that was next to the one she occupied. upon seeing you sat comfortably, she proceeded to kneel down on the empty space between the front seats and the backseats. y’know,

the ones a grown woman couldn’t possibly fit in?

it’s okay though, like, yeah she would most definitely complain about back pain later, but right now?

she needed to feel you cum all over her tongue.

and that’s exactly what she worked towards, her tongue driven by the scent of your arousal to roam all over your folds and clit, kissing and sucking on every inch of your core as she attentively listened to all the sweet noises that came out of you. it really did not take long before your moans reached octaves you didn’t even know you could achieve before, an overwhelming wave of relief hitting you like a truck. you were 100% sure you would pass out afterwards.

at the end of the day, yeah, you both were still stranded in the middle of some unknown parking lot, but at least, the stress of it all evaporated in the air.

while you were trying to catch your breath, you made a mental note;

never underestimate ning’s intelligence when she was in a bad mood! or, do. depending on if you wanna get fucked stupid that day or not.

[somewhereincairparavel]

Dam being a Jason Grace stan in the fandom is a fucking tragedy lol. Not only do we have to deal with him being screwed over by uncle Rick, but we have to deal with the fandom hating him aswell lol, i feel like Jason Grace slander wouldnt affect me half as much if his character had gotten a happy ending. I just saw an Instagram reel about a "character's povs you skipped through'' and the comments were flooded with Jason Grace just like I'd expected lol 😭 like blud has no mercy there.

It took all my will power to not defend him under a comment that called him "homophobic", I cannot believe that comment had 4 people agreeing aswell like- did we read the same books? Did they completey skip over the coming out chapter in HOH where jason was literally the first person to tell Nico not to be ashamed of liking guys and that no one would judge him? the guy is legit one of the least problematic characters and does nothing mean, how is he even CONSIDERED in the homophobic area anyway? (he also gets slandered for being "too nice" aswell lol) so seeing him wind up in such a contradictory accusation just screams tone deaf and anti-jason bias tbh, Nico legit said he considered jason as one of his first friend/supporter (apart from his sisters) in TSATS :') its like ppl keep throwing in these false stuff bc they WANT to find a reason to hate him. (dont take this as me saying you are not allowed to hate him or something cuz that would be quite hypocritical of me, wouldnt it? i just hate that ppl make up problematic hcs of him and push them as canon, it would taint non-reader's perception of him because of false info, what if a non reader stumbled across that comment and immediately figured that jason was indeed homophobic even when he wasn't?)

Also, can we please normalize NOT judging a person for their character preferences? I like jason and i am aware that its an unpopular take, but that doesnt make me any less of a pjo fan. The fandom seems pretty aggressive when we dont follow the popular opinion. i have seen multiple ppl pretend to hate jason simply bc they WANT to fit in and "look cool", since the fandom has a tendency to use Jason as a punching bag to insult like "he's a knockoff percy" or "he thinks he's so cool but he's not". or smth, so when people do claim jason as a favourite, a huge chunk of the fandom start belittling them and go like "really? Out of all characters, why jason?" Or "Percy/Leo is better, I don't understand why you like Jason"

okay thanks for coming to my ted talk. i am aware that i was yapping here. unfair Jason Grace slander does that to me.

[bee-snail]

MY BELOVED yes I am aware his antlers do not line up. Counterpoint: he was SO fun to draw regardless. Maybe I'll make lore out of it and make it so he can change the antlers at will! Who knows!

Seven David is my favorite guy ever !!! In short, he was murdered by Cameron when he was just a little kid, but was revived by the massive amalgamation of souls, stuck together in a Hivemind-like entity, of Sleepy Peak — which they creatively named "The Forest" — as their vessel in the physical world. A guardian, one could say. He repressed that entire experience and lived on, catching the eye of one Cameron Campbell (who was, obviously, pretty shocked when he saw the kid he definitely killed just... walk out of the woods like nothing happened) and eventually becoming a camp counselor.

Quartermaster always looked out for him! Even if he wasn't exactly,,, a caretaker kind of person.

He awakened his powers when his campers were in grave danger. And tada! Now he's a Forest Guardian™ and he's the coolest forever (<- Got tired of lore, now I'm just yapping HAHEHRHE)

The double eyes and the funky nose shape is actually there because once he finally connected with the Hivemind, he could bond with Jasper again !!! And now they're together: mentally, psychologically and more-or-less physically as well. I love them!

Oh! Here's another doodle I have of him. The halo? Oh, don't worry about that. :]

Little guy... I love you little guy (<- he can destroy the Earth if he really wants to)

Bonus: COVER THEM UP SLUT /ref

[ryukyuin]

yandere chrollo is so fucking funny to me bc 87% of the time its "he would never" mixed with "i am aware of this but god would it be interesting to see how awful it/he would be. as a little treat. a little exploration"

LIKE IN MY HEAD DATING HIM WOULD BE SOOOO funny he's done 60549489454 background checks he walks over to the passenger side and opens the car door for you he sees a flowering tree and it reminds you of him during a heist and you have to hear him be GROSS and LOVEY-DOVEY as he describes it to you WEEKS LATER just because of how it made him think of you

and that's after he's doing something w/ paku and he's fucking yap yap yapping abt you and paku is finally like. "boss. do. do you think you like them?" AND ALL THE NEURONS FIRE AND THE LIGHTBULBS FLICKER ON AND THE GEARS START TURNING AND HE'S JUST . oh

[secret-sweetheart]

Sampo nsfw headcanons

COME EAT SAMPO FANS I HAVE FOOD!! He needs more in the smut tag (I’m probably saying this cuz im obsessed tho…)

Note: I am a minor writing smut, please do not interact if you aren’t comfortable with that (this includes leaving anything in my ask box or messages).

Content notes: mentions of choking, overstimulation, there’s a lot of kinky shit because it’s Sampo out of all people. This is gender neutral, no mention of reader’s genitals so all homies can read this 🗣️

“Love me up and down, a little bit harder now”

This man’s a tease. A mean one too

He’ll tease you so subtly in public that nobody knows you’re teasing except him, so you have to act calm so people don’t catch what’s happening

Yet when you tease he gets so whiny (as if he doesn’t tease so much 🙄)

He’s a switch if you couldn’t tell

This man’s a SLUT. He has experience and knows how it works

Slept around either for fun or to make sure he gets exactly what he wants in business deals

He’s a bit above average but he isn’t so big it’s scary. He’s a bit on the thinner side but still a bit thick so you’ll feel it

Chill with almost any kinks, his kinks are degrading, praise, overstimulation, edging, brat taming, bondage- he has a list of them

If he’s topping he’s going to be dirty talking so much (QUIT YOUR YAPPING 💀)

He’s teasing you through the whole thing, degrading or praising you- maybe even a mix of both

Also if he has your consent he is into choking you, he likes the power and he does it just right so you can get that nice and pleasant light headed feeling

Feel free to choke him as well! He’s very into the thought of being dominated and choked

Tbh it might turn him on more if you’re smaller compared to him (maybe a bit of a size kink?) if you’re smaller and topping (or just trying to) he’s getting hard a lot quicker. He’ll either give in or switch the roles and fuck you stupid

When you’re topping him he’s shameless with those noises, constantly begging for more and whining, talking about how good it feels and telling you to keep going

It’s your choice to either give him what he wants or make him beg even more. Overstim or edge him, he won’t be fighting back with the position you’re in with him

He’s also very in to toys! He probably managed the staff to give him a discount somehow

If he’s using them on you be prepared to lose your ability to think straight and walk straight

He loves tying you up and using all kinds of toys on you until you’re crying from pleasure, one of his favorite things to do

At this point he doesn’t even need to fuck you to satisfy himself, seeing you whine and beg for his dick instead of the toys almost satisfies him enough

When he finally does agree to fuck you it would make sense for him to put the toys away, right? No. He’s keeping them, he’s gonna use them while he’s fucking you so he can see you get overwhelmed and sensitive

When he’s the bottom it’s a sight to see. Tie him up and use a vibrator on him and you’ll have him moaning so loudly in no time. Or even better- use a dildo on him and let him feel how big it is (if it vibrates you’re going to get a noise complaint from the neighbors so be aware of that)

After all of that he’s pretty good at aftercare! (If he’s awake for it that is)

He’ll carry you into a nice bath and make sure you’re all cleaned up, he’ll join you too and hug you if you’re fine with being touched after

He cleans the sheets and everything, gets some pajamas ready for you too

If he was the sub/bottom, he’s probably going to be too lazy to move and will just cling and whine to you, telling you everything can be cleaned in the morning

I LOVE SAMPO RAHHH