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#that im in love with the man im in love with because he treats me with respect and makes me feel warm and fuzzy and good
moondirti · 2 days
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i accidentally deleted the ask i received yesterday (like an idiot) so im dumping the rant i left underneath it for archival reasons
what i love most about big ugly brute simon is pairing him with girls who get a little too close. perhaps they catch him staring in public and smile politely, a little daunted but attributing what they can to innocent intent over malice. who treat him with basic decency, or perhaps extend a little extra kindness if they take the dead look in his eyes to be consequence of a rough day. the one's who hold doors open for him, or let him skip in line because he looks like he can really do with the coffee. the maybe he's just misunderstood, never judge a book by it's cover, treat others the way you want to be treated type.
kind, polite, genuinely good girls, who live life by the please and thank you handbook they were given in kindergarten, and were never taught when to keep it to themselves. well-meaning always, yet either foolish or curious when they give a beast the benefit of the doubt.
because while their courtesy is just that in the eyes of conventional society, it has an absolutely foul effect on one simon riley.
say it's because hardly anyone is ever keen on him. certainly not pretty birds, with pretty wrists, and pretty hair and clothes and easily corruptible smiles. at the first sign of warmth, he'll pounce. all animal, blinded hunger. cruel passion he knows you're not built to take, your heart pulpy like saccharine fruit. cruel passion that he will inflict anyway; trailing behind you all the way home, choreographing meetings, pushing your courtesy to its limits by being nothing but a rude brute. he bullies his way into your life, making a man-sized hole where he was uninvited (though he'll contest that. what does a smile mean if not lay over me and print yourself on my womb?). bullies you into submission, weaponising that tenderness to suit his real needs–
not coffee, or a good morning, or anything but a warm cunt and meal to come home to.
i don't think he'd ever ease up the intensity, either. even if you acquiesce or are flattered by the distasteful attention. though simon might soften up to you (in the only way he can: lending his ear while you talk about his day, or walking blocks in the rain to fetch takeout from that specific greek place you've been craving), he's still mean about it. presses you where you're weak, isolates you from your friends. hones derision when you continue to be just as amicable to everyone else. you must be asking for it, see, if you had been asking for it with him. is a big dick about it, callous and nasty as he can be – because you allow him to be, babbling tearful apologies into his chest instead of standing up for yourself.
doesn't believe any of it, of course. he knows you're too sweet for your own good. but he can't help but love seeing you get all desperate when you cry. makes his knees go weak. his head itch. you'll hold on to his arm – soft and wet and repentant, pure silk against his gnarled edges (a point people will always latch onto. how'd he land that? right minger he is) – until he growls something about making it up to him.
which you jump at. good, good, generous girl. will seat yourself, fine china between thighs that could crush you, and choke on his ruddy cock. maybe he holds you down on it, stuffs your nose onto the untamed mess of his pubes until your little legs kick for breath. or, maybe he'll lead you to down to fit your tongue in his ass, tugging himself over you until cum mats your hair. whatever the most vile, debased thing he can conceptualise at the moment is fair game. not necessarily because of the deed itself, but because he lives for nothing more than watching you do it despite not wanting to. to please him :(
sorry im a little crazy about this
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valuunit · 2 days
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after midnight
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summary: some steamy sex after dancing at the club with harry in his frat era.
title because im obsessed with chapelle roan, as you should
Content: She/her pronouns. smut (mdi), alcohol consumption, hair pulling, using a tie as a way to muffle sound ;), oral (m receiver), finguer fucking, oh, a photo taken during sex, this oc is really stupid and horny, don’t show you’re face in an explicit pic of yourself wit someone new. that’s it ig :)
Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if there’s any mistake I'm sorry, please let me know so i can correct it :D
y/n
why did i agree to this? jesus, this is the shitiest-
“y/n, my miracle is here!” the strong mature voice of Patricia sends shivers down my spine.
“hi” i quietly say, accepting her hug.
“here, i want you to met someone.”
fuck. social interaction.
i’m so so tired for this, i just want to pet my beautiful dog and sleep cuddling with him.
“Michael! here she is, y/n, y/n that’s Michael Young, owner of the record label i told you.” she whispers the last bit. my attitude automatically changes, another rich man who wants more money.
a very well preserved old man turns around, he’s like the definition of daddy if i were attracted to him, he gives me a gentle handshake. “nice to meet you miss, i’ve heard great things about you.”
“thanks, it’s very nice to meet you too.” after that he kisses Patricia’s cheek and excuses himself, promising to get back a little later.
“well, that didn’t go as planned.”
i chuckled. “maybe in a bit will go better, he said he was coming back”
“that’s the equivalent of a guys promising you he’s calling you back after fucking.”
“oh, then forget about it, let’s drink!” i smile eyeing the open bar.
“you do you, honey, i’ll be here if you need me.”
“okay mother, thanks.” i love that woman even if she’s in my monthly payroll.
“love ya.”
i pass some people, looking for the edge of the bar, and fortunately it was empty. “hi, can i take an old fashioned, please?” the bar tender nodded. life like this is kinda good.
harry
“that girl, she’s fit.” louis said.
oh i know lou, i’ve been watching her since she stepped in the club.
“who?” niall said genuinely curious to look at a cute girl.
“there, in the leather jacket at the edge of the table.” louis kept trying to get a better look at her.
“you should go talk to her.” niall says after also looking.
“i think that harry’s job here, he’s been drooling here for her.”
“what?, no, i didn’t even saw her before you mentioned her.” you fucking liar. you even know her name and music.
“okay, then i’ll take the word from nialler here and go count that lady.” you’re a good player louis, but not the best.
he’s testing me to push myself to go there.
“no, not at all.” i simply reply.
“ehh! louis, louis, louis!” niall cheers.
and there he goes, confident steps but playing with his hands.
y/n
i feel a pair of eyes on my back, i try not to think to much about it, i’m here to enjoy myself not to pay attention for others.
“hi” a particular voice says.
i don’t reply, maybe it’s not for me, i don’t want to embarrass me.
“hey, you like it old fashioned?, you’re like a dad?” okay, maybe that is for me.
“yeah, i probably have someone pregnant rounding around the world. i’m at that stage of my life.” i simply replied.
they laughed “i might like you. i’m louis, nice to meet ya”
“hi, y/n” this is louis tomlinson, one of the most famous boys at the moment. if this was happening a couple of years ago i would probably pass out, but i’ve slowly realized that doesn’t matter you ‘status’, you should be treated as kindly and respectful as anyone.
“aren’t you going to invite me a drink?” he says offended, playin, obviously.
“yeah, because i’m the one who approached” i said smiling. “what would you like? it’s on me.”
“oh, becoming my sugar mommy, i get it. i’ll get a shot, tequila.”
“yeah, the free aspect does play a roll here.” he laughs again and looks to where he came from. “four shots of tequila please, extra lime.”
“two rounds, i for sure like you now.” he immediately takes one of the caballito, waiting for me.
“i was just hopping you’d get pleased with that and leave.” i also take one, he hums and aproches for slice of lime.
“damn, that’s tough, if you want me to leave you’re not going to achieve it giving me drinks.” he talks quickly, then proceeds to cheer and gut down the little but dangerous liquid. i follow.
“oof, party animal, aren’t ya?” a deep and also british voice comes in.
“harry!, your finally came, i thought i was gonna stay here all night mate.” he looks at me “not that i would mind”
i completely turn around to look at a curly haired guy, he’s also really handsome, and how not? he’s harry styles.
“ah, yeah, thanks man, see you?” his confused comment makes me laugh.
“yeah, whatever you say. it was really nice to meet you, y/n, hope we can finish this round one day.” he pats the back of his friend and gets out. damn, what the fuck.
“am, i’m really sorry ‘bout that, i’m harry though, you’re y/n?”
“yeah, no it’s fine, if you want you can finish the shots with me?” i say also confused, he looks so nervous and i don’t know why, i'm not that scary am i?
“sure, thanks.” and it becomes silent. well, the conversation with louis was better, that’s for sure.
we swallow the drinks and when i reach out for the fruit i find his hands in the same one i was about to grab, i quickly change my election, and he does as well, i laugh at the awkwardness. he smiles at that.
“i heard your album. it’s amazing.”
“what? you’ve heard my album.” a say fascinated while sucking the last bit of sour liquid.
“what? are you surprised i listen to good music?” he smiled and smooths his chin.
“i wouldn’t say that, i just thought it didn’t reached that many people for you to listen to it.”
“what do you mean? it’s hit after hit, it’s really popular.”
“well, i don’t often look at the logistics of it. but thanks, i wasn’t really sure about it, nor my record label i almost got dropped.”
“well, they’re losers, it’s great.” he smiles and i also do, it’s really nice to heard that from someone who doesn’t know me, it feels genuine.
“i feel like i have to return the compliment but i haven’t heard 1D in like one year, ahm, i really love c’mon c’mon.” he and i laugh.
“yeah, i don’t blame you.” he suddenly looks uncomfortable.
“i’m really sorry.” i try to read his eyes, he was looking at a light above, but now his eyes are back on mine, he doesn’t look as happy as some people seem when they talk about something the love, like music. “you’re not satisfied, are you?”
“you could say that in a lot of aspects.” he smirks.
“okay, i don’t wanna hear it.” i say laughing nervously.
“let’s not talk about this depressing stuff. wanna dance?”
“sure, i’d love to.”
he takes my hand to make sure i don’t get lost in the crowd, he pauses for a second to give louis a warning look when he makes quiet wolf whistles.
“he’s an idiot, sorry.”
“i figured, no problem.”
promiscuous is blasting across the club, this song is sexy and i’m with a sexy guy, i must be a little sexy.
i’m against his chest, the room between our bodies is none, and the space we have to dance is limited, but we can make it work.
my chest is against his, i see him starting to sway his shoulders first, trying to get used to the beat. i put my arms on his obliques, also starting to sway my hips, looking at his chest tattoos.
his hands go under my leather jacket and stay in between my hips and my waist, following me. i hear him pant, his mouth is slightly parted and his forehead falls to mine.
“can i take this?” he grabs the tie that hangs loosely in my neck, trying to distract himself for the erection i feel near my left hip.
“sure” we separate out heads and he puts it around his neck, the red looks good on him.
harry
she’s the hottest, most gorgeous person i’ve met.
her lips are as bright as the tie i just grabbed from her beautiful neck, i really want to kiss her. but maybe she’s not into me in that way.
“fuck, how are you so hard, a minute has hardly passed” her voice is deeper than before. i feel slightly embarrassed, but also no.
“that’s the reaction my body has with you.” i say honestly. some say that fake it till you make it, and that what i’m gonna do.
she hums and looks at me in the eyes, to the lips and back at my eyes, with a bright smile and a dark look.
she grabs the tie, pulling me to her, we’re centimeters apart. when i’m about to kiss her she speaks.
“may i kiss you?” she whispers. this might be the hottest thing she’s done so far, or maybe the tie thing it’s.
“of fucking course.”
y/n
this kiss is as alex turner would say, were teeth collide.
is desperate, full of the sexual tension we’ve managed to build, and i couldn’t want it any other way.
we dance, grind, kiss and even moan, at least me, for what seems like the entire night, but when we take our make out session to the back of the building it seems like it barely 12 in the morning.
“jesus, love, i would love to take you home.” he says between wet neck kisses, all i reply is a fervent nod.
after that i feel his warm and big hand on my cheek, making me look at him, then is when i reply with actual words. “we can go back to my place, it not far and it’s alone.” i smile.
“you sure?”
“yeah, if you want.” he smiles and pecks my lips, i don’t know why his hand here makes me wanna melt against it.
“of course, love. it’s better than a shared hotel room.”
“yeah, probably.”
we decide to walk, it’s like i said not far away. the walk was definitely less heated, but it was something.
he asked if he could borrow my purse or my jacket to hide his boner, i laughed so much at that. but the outfit ended up amazingly on him, with the red tie and the also red small bag in his hands contrasting with his all black base.
as soon as i get home blake jumps, almost to the height of my head.
“i’m sorry, honey, i had somewhere to be.”
i think this might kill the mood, maybe not.
“who is this little bud?” harry asked when blake started sniffing his legs. i hang my jacket on a chair and take my purse from harry’s hand, leaving it in the same spot.
“blake, i hope he doesn’t bother you.”
“what, how could he.” he kneeled petting his puffy black hair. “right bud?, you’re adorable” blake turned into his back, to get some love in his belly.
okay, this is really cute, i feel bad for getting wet at the sight of him like this, being sweet to my dog.
“want a drink?, water, vodka, tequila?”
“no, i’m fine. i would prefer to get back were we left it.” blake has lost his interest on him and went to his bed.
“okay, you can go to my room, i’ll be there in a minute.” he looks around the house looking for the destination, “upstairs.” he nods and heads up. “blake. i have some… stuff to do, so please don’t cockblock me, please love, you’ll get a lot of treats tomorrow.” his ears move when he hears ‘treats’.
i grab a cushion from the couch and put it at the beginning of the stairs, hoping he can’t jump over it. “love ya, i’m really sorry if you hear something!” i whisper-scream.
getting near the door i smooth my skirt out and take may hair out of my face.
when i enter harry is sitting at the edge of my bed, he’s cheeks look very red now that i see them in a different light. i smile at him and he smiles at me.
“you look great in red. in your cheeks and my tie” i whisper as i sit in his lap.
“thanks, i might borrow it for another day.”
“you’re still, you know, hard?” i say almost laughing at how cringe that sounded to me.
“you’re wet?” he says. i nod, desperate to kiss him. “perfect.”
his hands crawls up my knee, ass and thigh, reaching my underwear, which was very much soaked.
“i feel flattered, love, i haven’t touched you and look at this” he makes me stand in my knees and slides my panties down my legs, finally showing the mess i made. “we’re gonna keep the skirt if that’s fine with you” i nod and he kisses me.
as soon as the kisses starts it becomes a kiss full of passion. he undoes my white shirt and i do the same with his black shirt.
he’s now laying down, his legs hanging from the bed and im right in top of him, my core against his belt, which feels weird in a good way.
i moan when he sits down, grabbing a handful of my hair and pulling it backwards. “your really pretty when you’re all flustered.”
he slides the shirt down my shoulders and for my bralette he slides it upwards, passing through my head.
“i feel like you have an advantage here.” i look down his opened shirt and pants, hell, he even has his shoes on.
“take whatever you want.” he smiles and kisses the in middle of my breasts.
i hug his neck with both of my arms, letting him please me with his kisses and bites in my chest.
he pays equal attention to both, i think he gave the same amount of bites to each, i don’t know, i was enjoying myself to much to care.
when i fell his mouth starting to separate from me i begin to go down his body, taking the tie and the shirt off, kissing his shoulder, chest, stomach and his boner from above the denim material.
he groans desperately but doesn’t move, just seats there with his hands on each side of his body. “you’re really a tease, baby.” he whispers.
“i think it will be worth it.” i say, quickly undoing his jeans and sliding off his boxer, leaving his cock free.
i think of what to do for a second, i could do a handjob or a blowjob, i finally decide in a hybrid.
i first take his length in my right hand, slowly feeling his body react, his legs move a bit and his body leans back. i then start to move down, making hi eyes align with his crotch, and with my hand still in the base i start by wrapping my mouth at the tip. his makes a beautiful sharp gasp.
“god’s fucking sake.” he decides to look down at me, looking deep into my eyes.
harry
her eyes are gonna be the death of me. she can look evil but also innocent. and that makes me want to take her right now and leave her dumb fucked.
my dick disappears in her mouth, over and over again, i don’t know how she manages to keep a consistent move in her hands and in her mouth, including her tongue and her head. the guitar must help her multitasking abilities.
“love, t-that s-sss amazing. ah, but i w-won’t last a lot longerr and i will like to do sooo… much m-more with y-ya…”
she gets my dick out of her mouth, god that’s so dirty, an i love it. but yeah, she does so, chuckling a bit with a sense of pride, some spit goes down her chin, amongst some precum. she’s perfect.
“okay, next time i guess.” fuck yeah, hopefully.
“now it’s my turn” she come back up, sitting her naked clit into my semi, this little minx jumped into my dick, and she knows it, she smiles.
“sorry.”
“you’re not.” i smile.
“no, i’m not.” she smiles.
“but you will.” i grab her hips from under the washed denim mini skirt and switched our position, leaving her laying down on her chest and me above her, looking at the greatest fucking view; her face was looking at me over her shoulder, he naked back and her skirt rolled up, leaving nothing to the imagination, her ass was in perfect alignment with my eyes.
i decided to be a little wild and spank her, she moaned, but i quickly turned to look at her “was that okay?”
“yeah… fucking perfect.” she moaned more.
“who would’ve thought…” i say, giving her another one, this one harder, making her cheeks giggle.
i pull her skirt even further, and also pulled from her hips to make her stick her ass up, giving me better access to her clit. i begin caressing her outer lips, soft touches to get her desperate and my fingers getting lubricated.
i inserted one of them, the ring finger to be specific. she moans softly, pushing her hips back. “more…”
“patience, love, want to cherish the moment.” but i do what she says, i enter another and begin to diversify my movements. when i get to a specific and wet point i feel her body shake.
“t-t… there.” she sighs “right therrre.” she purrs.
she looks so angelic like this: baby hairs stick to her sweaty forehead, eyes closed, mouth open full or profane sounds, i also see her stimulating her breasts, just like she could read my mind.
when i put my third finger in i feel her lips stretch, so i turn my hand, she screams at my move. “shh… we don’t want to scare blake, or anyone for that matter. would hate for someone to interrupt, right?”
“mhm” she opens her eyes, they are watering now, i don’t know whether to worry or to be turned on.
“everything okay there, baby?” i ask pulling her her to the side to look at her fully.
“gr-great!” she sights when i touch her newly founded button.
i feel some more palpitating, some more stretching and i see her jaw being clenched. she’s close.
“you’re getting there, aren’t you?”
“yess! i’m goo…” sight “gonna cum.” her hips push against my hand, i took my index finger out because it felt like i couldn’t move my hand at all.
“patience baby, let it all out” i groan at her cunt stretching around my hand.
she screams my name, might be my new favorite sound of all time. it’s a mix of a hoarse and sweet voice.
she stops moving her hips i see a bit of liquid being thrown against my still moving hand, she squirted. i try really hard not to cum also.
she pants and groans one hand reaches to mine, telling me to stop.
“good job, love” i slowly take my hand up and taste her discard. i then lean to kiss her cheek.
“want you inside of me” she whispers against the mattress.
“of course baby, just waiting for you to catch your breath at least.” i chuckle. she pouts but stays still.
“i’m fine. i just want you to fuck me.” she looks at me undress completely. biting her lip as she check me out.
“ouch, wouldn’t thought you’ll just use me like that, love, thought this was real.” i say jokingly offended and also a bit nervous. maybe this is just a one night thing, and i wouldn’t like it to end like this.
“maybe it is, but i would really like you to fuck me good so i can consider you as a potential candidate.”
nice answer, miss y/n.
“fine, firstly, do you have any condoms?” she sakes her head no.
“i’ve got iud and clean. if you’re up and clean we can make it raw.” she says nonchalantly.
“fucking hell” i go to kiss her mouth, gripping her cheek harshly, “i’ll make you scream really loud, so i think we could put this to some more use”, i say taking the tie from the floor.
she smiles, curious. i hover over her body again, pass the tie through her head to stop at her mouth, tightening it.
“wow” she barely says.
“you can grip me at the arm of you want to stop, okay?” she nods. “show me” she takes my forearm and tightens her grip around it two times. “good girl.” i kiss her cheek again.
i look down, she still has that fucking skirt i hope every time she uses it she remembers who fucked her in that, i direct my dick into her clit. i soak my tip into her cum and wetness.
and finally i enter, our mouth open at the contact, i thrust slowly and fully, i stay there “goodness, this is g-ood.” i whisper in her ear, she moans quietly.
“look at me angel.” she deserves the nickname. i could take a picture of this obscene and artistic piece. “can i take a picture?, i promise ill protect it with my life…”
she hesitates a bit, but when she looks at me in the eyes she nods “yeah”.
i lean over to the bedside table, take my phone and quickly snap one time.
“move?” she says.
“as you wish.” i let my phone slide off my hand and focused solely on her.
i put one hand next to her face , the other went to her hip. giving me the base i need to get her good.
my hips roll against hers, looking at her face to her ass and back and forth.
i quickly gain a fast, hard and pleasing pace.
she hides her face into the pillow and grips the bedsheets tightly. her muffled moans and screams, my groans and screams and the sound of our bodies colliding is the only sound i listen to, and maybe in a 1 mile radius.
“doing good, l-love?” i ask her, my breathing is shaky, maybe not that sexy.
“mhm.” she turn her face to look at me “y-yesh…”
“look so fricking good like this…” i wished i could look at her full face.
she screams something that sounds like my name, and i know i need to she her climaxing around my dick.
“we’re g-gonna turn…” groan “you around, ‘right?”
“yeahyeahyeah” she said.
“h-hug, hug your leg darling.” i pat her left leg , she struggles a bit but makes it. with the force i have i turn her almost limb body.
she moans when her back hits the mattress and i thrust into her faster, while kissing her face, she entangles both her hands in my hair, pulling. fuck.
“hmm. c-c… cum!” she sights into my neck.
thanks love, i wouldn’t like to burst before you.
“perfect. relax, baby…” i groan, struggling to keep that fast of a pace, she’s squeezing my dick so hard and i might come way too fast.
“ha… haffy!” she screams again.
“i’m cu…ming love.”
i feel her groaning at the overstimulation, so i give a final thrust and let it all out.
y/n
i’ve been talking with harry for probably 30 minutes, after last night fucking midblowing fuck i barely was awake, but harry made me change into some pajamas and then he changed the bedsheets. it was the best aftercare ever.
“would you like to go for a coffee later in the evening?” he says looking at me with his beautiful green eyes.
“yeah, as long as blake can come.” i say jokingly.
“of course, love, little man is always welcome.”
“see? that’s what makes me want you every day and every night!” i hit his chest lightly, he chuckles. “you can’t say shit like that, i’ll get attached.”
“is that something wrong?” he smiles. “i also want you, i really like you, and it might be too soon, but i would like to get to know you and be something else.”
“i would love that too.”
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“ten is a bad person” you never even tried to understand him
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moeblob · 12 days
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I'm on an OC kick and also super indecisive so I spun a wheel (thank you for choosing for me, RNG).
Ricardo is a body guard and is bffs with Marlo. Ricardo's current job is watching after a celebrity's daughter who the public doesn't know even exists. She's just a teenage girl vibing with her mom and getting texts and calls from her dad (who loves her a whole lot and keeps her out of the spotlight very purposefully) and has this bodyguard and his weird friend. Marlo is just vibing with his best friend.
(Also Marlo would absolutely laugh if he heard Ricardo say "someone called me eye candy and it wasn't you and now I think you should call me that")
#my characters#i have an ask in my inbox that has me obsessively thinking about drawing fanart#but i just dont have the energy for what i want to draw for it#its been a rough day guys im dying (allergies and lacking sleep)#(why are allergies so bad today i ask after shoving my face into a cat while knowing im allergic to cats)#there are some prices i will always suffer and pay in life and the cat allergy is one of them you cant keep me away from a cat#im shoving my face in their fur and you CANT STOP ME FROM IT and also they kept bothering me#anyway i got to bed at like 6am after a lot of zoomies and restless legs and then#woke up with both cats in the guest bed with me and man i will not know peace for a few days#worth it tho bc i love them and i will take suffering if it means cattention#i dont really have much to say about the ocs tbh theyre just buddies being guys and then theres a teenage girl sometimes#and people suspect ricardo is her dad and she cant really say no my dads (celebrity) since thats the entire point of rico#so she makes sure its not troublesome for him to have people assume things like that and hes just#idc im in love with my best friend and hes not giving me any kids so not like anyone will start drama if im not with your mom#but he is also ! friends with the celebrity and his wife so he does just go on Family Outings with the wife and daughter#and sometimes marlo because the wife knows of him and invites him sometimes but she treats#rico and marlo like sons instead which is a bit weird to the daughter but she likes her weird fake brothers slash dad and question mark#marlo dyes his hair pink if that matters and has been doing so for a v long time
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dykeinthedark · 2 months
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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scatterpatter · 3 months
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Something funny I've noticed about The Megas and The Protomen
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mcybree · 6 months
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Random limlife Scott rant, GO!
I got this ask and decided that I’d give it my best shot but got so mad on my skim through some of the moments I remembered that I gave up.
#Okay im half joking#I got angry enough for me to decide that writing a post without careful consideration would probably lead to an inaccurate little ramble#I need to like. actually sit down and watch limlife and do a full overall analysis#because the context for how scott acts each season is so important. a skim just wont do#The reason I dont have notes on him to share with the class already is because when it was coming out I was pretending that—#Scott grew as a person after 3l and I wanted to believe that so badly I started making stuff up about memory erasure and limlife being—#dubiously real so that I could look the other way when scott started being weird about jimmy again#I was like yeah they barely remember it thats why scotts being uncomfortably weird about jimmy this season#not because scott doesnt think about jimmy like a person and just wants to hear him say words that make him feel better about his—#rough relationship history#not because the idea of jimmy gaining independence from him makes him feel insecure or anything#sighs. sorry im just saying things. again its been a while since ive watched it so I need to actually. Yknow. Watch it before making posts#Its just crazy how he treats it like proving a point more than actually caring#“I mightve given you the 30 minutes last week if youd said love you” he wouldnt have. he was already leaving when he said it#he’s literally just trying to get him to feel bad about not saying it#pretty sure he kills jimmy in the same episode he lets jimmy kill him. Like. He doesnt really care like that#He just likes to pretend that he does. He is going through the motions of caring#Its like he needs to believe jimmy still needs him. in like a possessive way. Its really weird man#I will say though since I see this a lot: I dont think him singling out tango in the 30 seconds scene was intentional#because if im being honest. I dont think he sees the ranchers as anything serious#He assumes tango was just putting up with jimmy bc he had to. He doesnt think tango actually cares about jimmy#in his mind no one actually cares about jimmy. because if scott struggled to care about jimmy and Scott is known for being an amazing ally#that must mean everyone else struggles to care about jimmy. If that makes sense#rant over I think. tldr limlife scott analysis postponed until I get my life together enough to be able to sit down and watch forthree hour#bree barks so fucking loud#asks
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dolokhoded · 6 months
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mel c magdalene made me realize what was missing from my magdalene design and it's that she's not fucking jacked. it's crucial to her character
#🧅#literally my takeaway from jcs2012 was mary magdalene's arms. yeah those guys were there too i guess#i think hers might be my favorite portrayal of mary#like. not just because she's jacked i just really liked how jc2012 worked with magdalene#she felt more fleshed out. and i <3 yvonne elliman in this role i always will but lets be so for real in the 1973 movie mary was a sexy lam#character except instead of sexy she was like. sopping wet cat lamp character#i mean i think she was also sexy. but that's beside the point this post is not about how attractive i find yvonne elliman#or mel c#well it kind of is about how attractive i find mel c#whatever. my point is it was the 70s and she was a female character. so like. you get it !#and i feel like a lot of the time magdalene is very girlbossified in a way that makes her very one dimensional#without EVER her appearing masculine of course because god forbid the one female character does not appear to the male gaze#(well originally female character anyways. today genderbend casting is a thing and it fucks)#it's either she's a Girl Disciple (no further elaboration) or she's like. a girlboss stone hearted biker gang leader leather jacket queen#(no actual further elaboration but her one 'ooh i love this man and i dont know how to show it' solo tricks you into thinking there is)#while 2012 magdalene somehow seems much more well rounded to me.#they let her be herself more. idk. that's how i interpreted it at least. in my mind.#it's like. i feel many other marys i've seen are described by how they treat jesus (and sometimes judas)#but this one still feels present even when jesus is not around. or he is but she's not interacting with him.#again this is a very specific interpretation that clicked in my brain im not saying that jcs2012 like. did some groundbreaking feminist#portrayal of magdalene. but yknow !#she also didn't acknowledge judas' existence once while he had created some weird one sided beef with her which was. very funny to me#literally did not waste a glance at him.
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wizzardhat · 8 months
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also thinking about the end of wyll's questline if you save the duke and if you talk to him hes like "well i should confront my father..." and for some reason one of the dialog options is to just be like "lmfao what a daddy's boy. gonna go talk to your daddy? you fucking baby?" i dont think ive ever been more insulted by a mean dialog option how dare you.
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creekbed-burial · 13 days
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Good evening, who else up thinking about how they definitely haunt the narrative in all the men they’ve been involved withs lives??
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yappacadaver · 5 months
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and it's like despite all the awful shit he's done and continues to do, like, i get it. he's employed like 24/7/365. he never got to live a life, despite spending a childhood clinging to the hope of having one someday. He knew companionship and love but lost it and can't ever get it back. His circumstances are so anomalous and gruesome that it completely isolates him from pretty much every other human being on the planet. he knows hell is real and he is basically guaranteed to go there if he can't break this demon curse thing.
like it doesn't make the kidnapping and spreading the curse around any better, but i do get it.
#like personally i don't blame him for the actual murders#and it's hard to blame him for hiring people without telling them because like lol.#anyone who's like 'oh he should just tell ppl about the demons' like what are you onnnnnn if you went to a job interview with a creepy old#guy and he started talking about demons and hauntings and shit you would think you're being pranked or that he's lost his damn mind#and fuck offffff with the 'ohhh not me im a quirky bean i'd love to take a job if the interview was like that' like sure. ok. maybe YOU wou#but what are the odds that milford in 1998 coming off the satanic panic has a thousand yous running around waiting to be hired#like i honestly dont have any suggestions for how he could have handled the hiring situation any better#now the actual JOB i have plenty of feedback#like yea he should be there to train your ass against the demons lol we got more hands-on guidance for the embalming (the non deadly part)#but like the whole 'raymond is evil cause he kills possessed ppl and hires people without telling them abt demons'#do you think that old man can run the whole mortuary by himself and also have time to teach classes#until he inevitably dies from either stress or the demons and is sent to hell (which he knows is real)?#it's my understanding that by having others around who can help him fight the demons he'll have the spare time to figure out how to#break out of the demon curse or break possession or literally any useful information that could treat the disease and not the symptoms#he is running out of time!!! he is only getting older and the demons are only getting more frequent and someday he won't be fit enough#to properly banish them!!! if you even care!!!!!!!!!#fucking tag essay lmao#mr delver i wont u...
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boxofthings · 1 year
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I can't go through the GhostRoach tag without seeing countless GhostSoap fics with Roach as the dead ex lover or just in general Roach being used as a tragic backstory for Ghost, but I also don't like filtering out Ghost/Soap in case I filter out some ghostroachsoap fics like damn. the struggle is real.
Anyways spare some fic recs pls, I am starving of Roach content
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hecksupremechips · 2 months
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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aroveins · 3 months
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
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iqmmir · 3 months
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Accidentally thouhght about ak*y*na . Kills myse
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gorillaxyz · 4 months
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once when my dad was really horrible to me I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HE DID but i do remember he got me so much moshi monsters stuff as an apology ☹️ and i remember being SO CONFUSED. AND I STILL AM. because he was always so so so so so horrible to me when i was a kid i think he was just frustrated bc my mum was never around to deal with me so he took it out on me but i URRHRGRHRHHHGYGY i miss being a child but also i dont I MISS IT SO MUCH but my mum was always at work and i was convinced my dad hated my guts but whatever its fine. i still remember so clearly him asking me to come up to his room abd i thought i was in troubke but he just gavw me so so so so so much stuff there was so much stuff i remember there was a tin full of moshi trading card packs and he just hugged me and he cried on my shoulder and i had no idea what was foing on or what he was sorry for
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