#i am being reminded of my tiefs...

[dent-de-leon]

"I just wanted my parents, I just wanted my fucking family, I don't know what I wanted...I wanted this thing, that wasn't even real...and I saw [a me] where everything had worked, and everything had gone the way it was supposed to be, and....it was not good. They were not good. I was not good. I was a really bad person...cruel, vicious, I didn't even know them...all I knew was they did one stupid thing--"

I am having...Lucien and Molly thoughts--

Would also like to congratulate Ashton for coming to the sort of realization that it took Lucien like three deaths and two trips to Aeor and the Astral Sea to reach--

[grayintogreen]

OUADYA LINER NOTES: LUCIEN EDITION

I don't feel like writing anymore today, but I feel like talking so let's go into some more writing notes. This one mostly focuses on Lucien and how I approach writing him.

LUCIEN'S BACKSTORY

Lucien's backstory is cobbled together from a handful of things he says in canon, which basically amount to "abandonment issues, some really fucked up parenting to inform the way he sees himself as a parent, and the fact that he grew up in a town where, as Keg says, "everyone's hobby is stabbing each other."

I combined this, of course, with some of the weird shit that Ophelia says that made it seem like Matt was setting her up to have been connected to Lucien. (Never forget that she very POINTEDLY says that her cleric is only for family.) Ophelia also seems to have been canonically adopted by the Mardoon family (she's from Zemni Fields, not the Run, and she refuses to lose her accent), so all of this led to a single end result- Lucien is Ophelia's bastard that she gave up so she could gain some power and prestige in a place she was seemingly stuck in for the foreseeable future (Matt points out that she HATED the Run and wanted out- okay, so why didn't she ever leave unless she literally had nowhere else to go?) More about Ophelia will get explored in the Ophelia fic I'll be working on for next month and when I do some liner notes for that one, I can give you the goddamn full spiel about the Khar bloodline which I am very proud of for something that will be utterly jossed.

I wanted Lucien to have had five decent years with a good family because it fed into his abandonment issues in a different way- he already felt abandoned by his mother, so losing the people who were supposed to protect him festered into resentment to cope with the tragedy. It also heightens the reminder that nothing he has can last. Lucien sees those five years not as a good time but as proof that there is nothing in his life that won't fall immediately to pieces, which also explains why he doesn't mourn the other Tombtakers. Yes, he's in the throng of madness and pushed to the brink to get to a goal, but he already assumes he's going to get abandoned, one way or another. He's never learned how to mourn, only resent and become frustrated, so losing his friends is an inconvenience and another tally mark against the unfairness of everything that he has to fix.

LUCIEN VS THE MOON

Lucien being Ruidus-born is also a thing that gets discussed in the Ophelia story, but mostly because of what it means to HER and HER story. (I recommend reading the short story Wild to Covet by Sarah Gailey for a unique insight on what happens to women who mother people with destinies. It definitely inspired my take on Ophelia.)

But imagine if you will that you were told that you were born under a Ruidus flare and that means something. It means that you're entitled to some fraction of a great destiny (or a cruel fate), because every story you have every heard says as much.

Lucien's convinced of his own narrative to the detriment of all else- you can see the way he reacts when things don't stay on script or people don't behave the way he wants them to. And history has given him a reason to- he's always been told he was special. Unique. Different. Misunderstood. A dreamer. The world just won't bend for him the way the stories say it should and that informs so much.

LUCIEN AND THREE LIVES WORTH OF BABY DUCKS

As a general rule of thumb, unless canon is absolutely EXPLICIT about it happening (as in someone directly says it), I do not headcanon rape or parental abuse headcanons. It's just a personal preference, so while Lucien's attitude about parenting does strike me as someone who suffered parental abuse:

(1. It didn't fit with what I already had.

(2. There's aspects of religious trauma that can explain some of that mindset.

(3. Duckings

Here's the thing we know about the Purple Tiefs- two of them imprint like fucking crazy on the first person who seems interesting. It's easy to say that Molly and King did it because they were trying to form an identity out of nothing, but an actual CHILD trying to figure his shit out is going to do the same thing.

Enter Dodger, who I did not want to actually call Dodger (Lucien doesn't name him in OUADYA explicitly because I was stuck on figuring out a meaningful name that wasn't so obliquely obvious*), but placeholder names always end up sticking and I'm never going to do anything to expand on Dodger because... Lucien novel gonna joss me, so he'll just be a reference in the LitMoR universe.

The idea of Dodger is to be a dark mirror to Gustav- a showman and con artist from the Run who Lucien ends up emulating like Molly emulates Gustav. The difference is Gustav's intentions were a lot more pure give or take his shitty choices, whereas Dodger is an abusive asshole who picks up stray kids and whips them into shape to do his dirty work.

Lucien has a tendency to come to want to "kill his idols." This is a reoccurring theme- he simultaneously hates authority and yet seems to want to be appreciated by it. ("They chose me.") When the authority doesn't grant him the respect he deserves, he wants to be rid of it and when he reached the Somnovem, he was in a position to finally reshape it.

So Lucien idolizes Dodger, emulates him because he is everything he wants to be at this point in his life (sharp, clever, and able to cheat and con his way into every advantage), and comes to hate him because he treats him poorly. Dodger dies and Lucien takes what he gained there and finds his own gang (Tyffial, Jurrell, and Cree).

And this will repeat again.

LUCIEN AND THE TERRIBLE HORRIBLE NO GOOD RELIGIOUS TRAUMA

I will admit that Lucien's religious trauma has 0% canon basis (really he doesn't say shit about the Orders at all other than he was in them) and has everything to do with me staring at the Wildemount Claret Orders and going "oh this would be a fucked up place for a tiefling actually." I mean they formed because the Marrow Valley had an overabundance of fiends all over it. What produces tieflings faster than a bunch of fiends intermingling with humans? Even if you had ZERO bloodline connection to the Marrow Valley**, you're gonna get side-eyed while also spending all your days in a religious order that speaks fondly about how it wiped out a bunch of things that look like you and still murders them to this day and will send you to murder them too.

So yeah. If Lucien didn't have issues before.

I've talked a lot about how Lucien doesn't utilize blood magic economy very well and it translated to Molly being reckless with it as well, so I'm not going to go into it again, but if you have someone who wants to be considered respectable and talented, then of course he's going to try to prove how good he is by trying to push the limits of his blood.

And he can't, because this is a religious order where the entire purpose is killing monsters and continuing to use what the Raven Queen gave them to protect the land. There's no scoreboard. There's no special treatment for you being the best. You're a cog in the machine. You're wasting your potential bleeding too much just to show off, instead of being smart about things. Lucien can never be more than he is, according to the people above him, but there are people who are higher and just out of reach. He won't follow orders correctly to ever be on their level because he's too busy trying to show he deserves it. That destiny has forged him into someone special and no, actually. You're not. Sit the fuck down. Get your head out of the clouds. Stop dreaming, start doing.

And then you get to the fact that this is a Raven Queen order, y'know. The one who ascended and then kicked the ladder out so no one else can get on it. Add that to being Ruidus-born and knowing he's worth more and you get another instance of him taking what he's learned and starting off on his own so he doesn't have to be someone else's pawn.

Rinse. Repeat.

LUCIEN AND THE SOMNOVEM

I went into this in my notes for the last chapter of there's something divine in the way screams can sound and I'm just repeating it all here for posterity, but I had already laid out my idea of how Lucien and the Somnovem's relationship was playing out in the LitMoR universe before I saw Baz Luhrmann's Elvis movie and came out of it wanting to punch a brick wall in excitement because that's it. that's what I'm trying to say.

The idea of knowing you are a con artist and knowing you are using someone for your own ends and still believing you love them. The idea of knowing someone is a con artist and that every bit of their flattery and saying the correct thing at the correct time is all just to get you to do what you want and you do it anyway. The horrible, horrible push-and-pull between the con and the one being conned, both hoping that one day they'll be able to overwhelm the other and keep everything they've gained because they need it.

And the idea of picking a nobody kid out of a crowd and saying "that's my golden goose. that one is going to change everything." And no matter how much love or alleged good intentions there were, you're still pushing them until they break. And the idiot kid who wanted everything so much that he couldn't hope to back out without losing it all just keeps going until he's the one on top and he wins it all back and it was all worth it. Because he's going to be special. He's going to fly. (He's going to fall.)

As much as I love the story of Lucien turning the tables on the Somnovem and subjugating them, the story I expected was Lucien getting conned and getting utterly consumed by these beings he thought he could challenge and on some level I love what Matt did more because that story is tired and has been done, but what if. What if Lucien stubbornly couldn't get free enough to beat them at their own game, but also couldn't stop?

So that informed the whole of Lucien's arc in OUADYA. The idea that Lucien's fate always ends up here- a pawn in someone else's game and this time he's afraid to get out of it because he'll have to start over and he's so fucking done with that.

*She says knowing she named a character MARCHEN in a story that won't shut up about fairytales.

**As far as this universe is concerned, Lucien's bloodline is at least partially from Xhorhas, but there are aspects of it that came from that incident, hilariously enough. He had NO chance at having a good life in the Empire.

[komkommertijd]

F1 2020 Grid as German rap songs

Since the 2020 season has come to an end, I thought it might be a good idea to finally share this thing that I’ve been working on since June. I have no idea as to why or how I had this idea, but I’m sure I’m not the first one to do this, anyway. I’m sorry to all my fellow Germans in advance <3

Disclaimer: I translated all of the lyrics myself so some things might not be completely accurate, for which I can only apologize. I do not agree with the way some rappers portray women, so I made sure to steer clear from those lyrics.

(post under the cut because it got kinda very long whoops)

Lewis - Vintage (RIN)

Oh Lord, wo soll das Ganze enden? Fahr' so schnell, ich wechsel' jede Woche Bremsen

[Oh Lord, where is this supposed to end? Driving so fast, I’m changing brakes every week]

It’s a song about being a champion, living a luxury life, nice clothes, and well...driving fast cars. Any more questions? Rin is one of my favorite German rap artists, so I just had to include his songs, and this one makes you feel like a real badass, just like our king Lewis 😌

Valtteri - In meinem Benz (AK Ausserkontrolle, Bonez MC)

Du siehst mich im Benz sitzen, so wie Lewis Hamilton

[You see me sitting in a Benz, just like Lewis Hamilton]

It’s kind of obvious why I chose that song, right? Other than that specific line there are some more parts about how much the rapper apparently loves his Mercedes and this song just screamed Valtteri to me.

Charles - NENENE (Fero47)

Sitze bald in roten Ferrari Geben Gas in der Hood Ruf' ich danach, "C'est la vie!"

[I’ll soon sit in a red Ferrari Rev up in my hood Shouting “C’est la vie!” afterward]

Ignoring the entire part about Monte Carlo and all the French words, this specific part just always reminds me of Charles when I listen to the song. More badass vibes but less seriously so because I can’t take Fero’s voice that serious at all, which fits Charles.

Sebastian - Ferrari (Eno, MERO)

Roter Ferrari Ich gebe Gas in einem Ferrari Roter Ferrari Yeah, ich sitze tief in einem Ferrari

[Red Ferrari I rev up in a red Ferrari Red Ferrari Yeah, I’m sitting deep inside a Ferrari]

There’s a part about “rolling with [a] bro in a white Mercedes” and my brain said Sewis rights. Other than that, this is once again a rather obvious choice, if not all that up to date anymore. Some lines about racing on the German highway, so of course I had to go for Sebastian with this one.

Max - Fame (Apache207)

Die Rapszene ist nur ein Affenzirkus In dem kleine Kinder gern mit Waffen hantieren Ich steh', wo ich steh', weil ich bin, wer ich bin Und nicht weil hier irgendjemand Apache platziert

[The rap scene is a madhouse Where little kids like to make use of guns I stand where I stand because I am who I am And not because someone places Apache]

This simply gives me Max vibes, I don’t have much more to say as an explanation. It just feels right, with criticism towards mentally “weaker” individuals and the confidence in making a name for oneself based on own achievements and hard work. Also, Apache has become a rather popular musician in the past year(s) (especially to obnoxious 5th graders, all tea no shade), which is just...Max, I won’t elaborate.

Alex - HONDA (Ansu)

Hold on, kommt was Schnell – Konter Dreamer, besonders – Willy Wonka Auto – Honda

[Hold on, there’s something coming Fast - Counterattack Dreamer, special - Willy Wonka Car - Honda]

I mean, it’s a song about a Honda driver? I struggled quite a bit with finding a song for Alex, but when I first listened to this song, my mind threw his name at me in blinking neon letters, so this is the vibe we’re going with - a funky fast Honda driver <3 (PS: I have no clue what the Willy Wonka thing is about but....why not)

Carlos - Habibi (Casar)

Sie schreibt: "Habibi", denn sie vermisst mich Ich fahre weit davon mit mein'n Hermanos

[She texts me “Habibi” because she misses me I drive far away with my hermanos]

I can only listen to the word “hermanos” so many times without my mind associating it with Carlos, so this one was a rather obvious choice for me as well. Also, there are some parts about Spain in this song so I had to be lame and do the obvious with this one.

Lando - 500 PS (Bonez MC, RAF Camora)

Ich drück' aufs Gas, hör' die 500 PS Fahren durch die Stadt, GTA Los Angeles

[I step on the gas, hear the 500 HP Cruising through the city, GTA Los Angeles]

This one’s a solid mainstream German rap song (not that I’d call Lando a mainstream person), liked to some extent by most people, and it gets you moving, which reminds me a lot of Lando. Cars and mentions of a video game make for a hit and Lando unites just that in person as well.

Daniel - Emotions 2.0 (Ufo361, Céline)

Baby, nimm einen Schluck Dom P. für die Emotions Ich erhöhe deine Dosis So viel Schmuck Mehr Drip als ein Ocean

[Baby take a sip Dom P for the emotions I’m increasing your dosage So much jewelry More drip than an ocean]

A bittersweet love song with rich boy summer vibes and one of my favorite German songs to be released this year, in fact, it’s my most listened to song on my phone, make for a combination that just screams Daniel to me. This song hits different when driving into the sunset in a fancy car or when biking through town at 1:30 am on three cans of Red Bull (believe me, I tried), and always reminds me of better times. It’s the ideal song to sing and rap along to, so that matches Daniel just fine.

Esteban - Einsneunzig (Brown-Eyes White Boy)

Bin fast einsneunzig, stell' mich auf die Bündel, das' ein Weltrekord Lass' die Zeit Revue passier'n, selbe Jungs und selber Ort

[I’m almost 1.90, stand on a wad of cash, that’s a world record Let’s recall the past, same guys and same place]

1.90 meters as a reference to Esteban’s height, obviously, simply made sense to me, once again. The second line reminds me of his feud with Pierre, so I had to choose this song. It’s better than Ratten im Hof (rats in the yard), and this reminds me of a wannabe gangster, which just screams Esteban to me, I’m sorry <3

Pierre - DAS RENNEN (RIN)

Ich hoff', eines Tages, wir gewinn'n das Rennen Wie bei Red Dead Redemption Irgendwann der Letzte wie Shanks Spinner Rims glänzen

[I hope one day we win the race Just like in Red Dead Redemption One day the last like Shanks Spinner rims are shining]

I know no one will believe this story but I started working on this post like half a year ago and I chose that song for Pierre back then and uhm, manifestation worked, I guess? Once again, I’m a big fan of Rin’s music, so choosing this song for Pierre is a bit like selfcare. The lyrics mention changing the world and well, so far Pierre has as least changed my world 😌

Daniil - One Night Stand (Capital Bra)

Ty moja ljubimaja Takaja diwnaja, krasiwaja-ja Sprawjedliwaja, njepobjedimaja Ty moja-ja, Baby, ty moja-ja

[You are my darling Such a wondeful, beauty Fair, invincible You’re mine baby, you’re mine]

I really hope I got that translation more or less right but other than that, I didn’t simply choose that song based on the Russian part. It’s a song we used to listen to a lot a few years ago and one of those from the days where Capital Bra was famous but less so than he is today. It reminds me of simpler times and it’s a pretty vibey song that, if you allow it to, draws you in and makes you dance. I have a soft spot for Daniil and the song reminds me a bit of him.

Lance - Bronx (Veysel)

Du musst doppelt zahlen, deshalb krieg' ich es umsonst Audemars, Yves Saint Laurent, eine Villa irgendwo Audemars, Yves Saint Laurent, ein paar Villen irgendwo

[You have to pay double that’s why I get it for free Audemars, Yves Saint Laurent, a mansion somewhere Audemars, Yves Saint Laurent, a few mansions somewhere]

This is a song that you have to listen to on high volume in a fast car, one that once again has really badass vibes. It’s nice to rap along to and hard not to move to. The rich boy vibes in the chorus that I’ve included in this post are pretty inevitable and logically, I had to associate that with Lance. When I turn this song on, everyone enjoys it, and I think Lance deserves to evoke that emotion in everyone as well.

Sergio - AVENTADOR (Dardan, Eno, Noah)

Roll' im Aventador Ich fahr' grad vor Gebe Gas, sag': "¡Adiós!"

[Roll in an Aventador I hit the road Step on the gas, say “¡Adiós!”]

I mean yeah, I could have chosen that song only because of the Adiós but that’s a bit lame even for me. Instead, the entire fast car vibe reminded me a lot of Checo. I’ve always had a bit of a soft spot for him and this year he once again showed people ([coughs] my brother) that he’s been severely underestimated. So stepping on the gas and outpacing everyone else felt like the right vibe.

Kimi - Sorry Not Sorry (Monet192, Takt32, badmómzjay)

Was du für Karriere machst, mach' ich als Hobby Was du für Probleme hast, interessiert keinen

[What you made your career, I do as a hobby What problems you have, no one cares]

The title itself embodies Kimi and so does the entire song. The not giving a shit vibe, paired with the mention of the hobby thing as an indirect reference to the famous Kimi quote about seeing his job more as a hobby, are just 100% Kimi. I really couldn’t have found a better song for him. 

Antonio - Maserati (RAF Camora)

Capo dei capi Trip noch im Alfa, doch bald Maserati

[Capo dei capi Trip still in an Alfa but soon in a Maserati]

I did very much not choose the song because “capo dei capi” (the boss of bosses) is a mafia related thing, but because of the Alfa part, duh. Roadtrips in an Alfa along the Adriatic coast are cool and all but a Maserati is obviously the main goal, and that reminds me of Antonio quite a lot ~for some reason~. The entire part about making it far in life without a “serious” job is just very F1, so the vibes are there. Happy very belated birthday Toni <3

Romain - HOCH (CRO)

Alles holt dich down, lass es einfach los Und die Dinge unter dir sind gar nicht mehr so groß Ich schau' nach oben und auf einmal geht's hoch

[Everything drags you down, just let it go And the things below you are not as big anymore I look up and suddenly it goes upwards]

This song is just very peaceful and calms my mind when I listen to it, which radiates the same comforting vibe as Romain. The topic of rising despite things dragging you down are a very prominent topic here and reminded me a lot of him, especially with him leaving Haas and everything around that. It just feels nice to listen to a bit of an uplifting song once in a while, and this one does it in a way that still allows you to feel calm and safe, which is something I associate with Romain a lot.

Kevin - Vorbei (Nico Rosseburg, Sierra Kidd)

Sag mir bitte, wie passe ich die Zeit? Der Augenblick war schön, doch es ist vorbei

[Please tell me, how do I pass the time? The moment was nice but now it’s over]

With Kevin leaving F1, I had to go for this song for him. It’s a bit more of a sad topic (so am I with the knowledge of him not being there next year) but without making the entire thing sound melancholic. I only really learned to appreciate Kevin this year and I’ll miss having him around, so this song kind of fits that idea for me.

George - 20 Zoll MAE (Celo&Abdi, Bonez MC)

Ich fahr' mit Schrittgeschwindigkeit, so wie ein Don Hättest gerne meine Felgen, aber wirst sie nicht bekommen

[I drive at walking pace like a Don You’d like to have my rims but won’t get them]

Making this solely about driving at walking pace would be a bit mean but there’s a part in the song soon after about looking beautiful in a Mercedes, so that’s pretty much George. The song just carries that fun vibe and the subtle (not really) flex, which makes it great to listen to if you want to get in a happier mood. It’s a song about Mercedes rims, of course I had to choose George 😔

Nicholas - Standard (KitschKrieg, SFR, Trettmann, Gzuz, Gringo, Ufo361)

Treff' mich in Miami, fliege nur noch First-Class Nur noch unterwegs, kriege Heimweh

[Meet me in Miami, only flying first class anymore Only on the road anymore, getting homesick]

More ~rich boy vibes~ and a song that has been playing what feels like 24/7 on MTV Germany the last two years. It got so bad that some people around me still reply in the trademark Gzuz voice when someone uses the word “standard”. Anyway, I associate this song with Nicholas because just like KitschKrieg did with their first “own” song, Nicholas has joined the game and left an impression on everyone, in one way or another, and I’m willing to see/hear more of that :)

[cousinslavellan-archive]

Hot Chocolate & Wine

[So, today is Gift a Fic over at Tyria’s Library... but I went with Baldur’s Gate instead of GW2, so not tagging that blog haha. Here’s our Tiefs and their beaus being silly @inkberrry ♥ ♥ Merry Christmas ]

“I think they got lost.”

Adalyn hums in amusement, fingers stroking absently through thick hair, “What makes you say that?”

Vehnrix scoffs, tail flipping lazily back and forth where it hangs off the couch. “They’ve been gone for two hours, Ada. Does it take two hours to pick out decent wine?”

“Hmm.” she considers the question, tugging gently at a knot in her brother's hair, before giving him a smirk, “If you’re Astarion and Gale… yes.”

That earns a startled burst of laughter, Vehn’s hot chocolate nearly sloshing over the rim of his mug as his arm flails - catching himself at the last moment with an elbow in the couch and a flash of sharp teeth.

“Damn, you’re right! We’ll be lucky if they’re back in another two hours!” he’s still chuckling as he settles back down, head still cradled in the older Tiefling’s lap, “Gale will want nothing but the best, more fragrant wine-”

“-and Astarion will complain that every bottle smells like vinegar, and that he just wants to come home.” Adalyn finishes with a laugh of her own, sipping at her own hot chocolate as she mulls it over. “We really did send the worst pair wine shopping.”

“Mmmm, I think Lae’zel and Shadowheart would’ve been worse - they’d have just argued about everything.”

“True. Wyll would have had to play babysitter again.”

That earns her another chuckle, Vehn’s eyes half-closing as he sips at his drink, lulled by her fingers combing through his wild hair.

It’s their first Winter together, the group of them - and it had been a long year. They all deserve a rest.

Adalyn can’t imagine anywhere she’d rather be right now, perfectly content right where she is - seated in the corner of the plush couch, Vehn’s head in her lap and both of them wrapped up in blankets, snow falling softly outside the window.

It’s peaceful in a way she hasn’t experienced in years, and it is precious.

The click of the front door and a quiet commotion at the front of the house breaks the calm, and Ada smirks wryly at the sound of familiar voices arguing. “And there they are. See? Not lost.”

“Good, I didn’t want to have to go out looking for them in the snow.” Vehn wrinkles his nose before a wide grin overtakes his face, slipping from Ada’s grip as he rights himself, “Time to go see what they got.”

“You go on - don’t forget your mistletoe.” she pokes him in the side, laughing at the mischievous smirk he sports, “Just be careful who you spring it on.”

“Oh, please, this is only for Gale.” Vehn winks, tail waving the little sprig at her as he leaves the room - rounding the corner just as Astarion enters from the other door.

“I am exhausted.” the elf sighs dramatically, giving her an appreciative glance, “Remind me why I was nominated to be the wizards shopping partner?”

Adalyn chuckles, lifting her arm in invitation. “Because I knew getting out of the house was good for you, and I wanted some sibling time.”

“Ah, I should have known.” Astarion takes the invitation immediately, claiming Vehn’s previous spot curled up against her - though his arms slip around her waist, head nestled against the crook of her shoulder. “Alright, I’ll allow it this time. But I expect you to make it up to me. The wizard was keen on finding a specific sort of wine.”

“Poor thing.” Adalyn coos, raking her fingers through his curls and grinning when he nuzzles closer, “I promise to make up for your terrible shopping trip. Later.”

“Then we have a deal, my dear.” he sighs against her throat, lips pressing a warm kiss to her skin, and Ada  hums, sinking back into the warmth of his embrace.

Listening to the soft noises of Gale and Vehn moving about the kitchen, and allowing herself this bit of happiness.

[cathyparrlyn]

We’re all just mirror shards

_________________________________________________________

Hey everyone! It’s No One here, or perhaps you now know (if you have read a certain lovely, beautiful, baby tief’s post) that my name is Maddy. It’s great to finally post this next part, first update of 2020! Woo!....

Yeah, I know, it’s been a while. I’m sorry for that, but not only am I working on future chapters and a special writing project (some of you might have already heard about it, oops-), but like, school. Ugh. But don’t worry, I have plenty of content to give you guys, so I shouldn’t fall too behind with my updating schedule!

I want to shoutout two people today. First off, one of my writing friends, @justonemoretheatrekid who is super sweet and has helped me with my bi panic, so thanks friendo! I enjoyed chatting with you! :3

I also want to give a special thanks to another one of my writing friends, @toomanyfamdom for not only helping me edit this sucker (legit the only reason I was able to post today. Bless her soul for putting up with my comma crazy piece.), but also for being the sweetest and best baby in the world. She makes me a proud mama. :3 love you baby! And thank you for not joining in on the “(censored name) for the pole” chant. I know how much you like to troll me tho, so I guess will see what happens next time. Lol. <3

Also, good news and bad news! 

Good news! This chapter has the “read more” option! Bad News! It cost me all the pretty and colorful fonts. ;-; Also, it won’t let me edit my draft from my iPad now as I did the function on the computer. So like... I can’t fix it. :(

So now I have a dilemma. Which should I use, the read more function or the colorful and pretty fonts? Please reply down below if you have a preference. Anyways, enough with my long ass author note!

Without further interruption, the chapter! Woo!

Word count: about 2,212 words.

Warnings: Cursing, bullying. (Also, Anne being a useless lesbian gremlin and Cathy being a bi disaster. OWO UWU)

Enjoy~

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Part 11

Annie Boleyn

————————————————————————————————

…………………………………......Recap………………………………………

“Sorry about that, I’m just so fucking tired of bullshit,” Anne muttered, snapping Cathy out of her thoughts.

"Huh?"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Cathy was a dumbass. She had to be. How else could she have fucked up so badly with her words? They were her thing! But with Anne, all she could muster up to say was ‘huh?’ Huh! Ugh, she just can’t with herself right now.

What’s worse, this is serious. Anne looks like she needs someone to talk to, Cathy can be that person, but not if she’s a disaster.

Parr wants to be there for Anne. She craves to develop their relationship, for them to get closer. To be able to share inside jokes and small smiles with each other. To have long conversations and calling each other late at night just to rant because they know the other will listen. For the comfort of knowing that she does, in fact, matter to Anne.

Right now she felt farther away from her goal than ever. Looking up, she saw an indescribable look on Anne’s face, the only thing she could note was the fear in Boleyn’s eyes as she held herself. An uneasy feeling washed over Anne as she realized she might have said too much around Cathy. She was nervous. Cathy couldn’t believe it. Anne was scared of her own opinion, and that worried Parr. Boleyn was speechless, not knowing how to respond. It was painful to see this side of her. Yet Cathy couldn’t help but stare. This new side drew her in, and Parr couldn’t stop herself from questioning more and more about who Anne really was. And what could have possibly happened to the Boleyn girl to make her feel so mortified that she couldn’t even express her own feelings.

Now Cathy was scared. She couldn’t just stand there and wait Anne recover on her own. No, Catherine wants to help her, she needs to help Anne.

So with a deep breath, Cathy had made her decision to keep moving forward with the conversation. She refused to make Anne start things, this time she’ll make the first move. For Anne’s sake.

“Hey, are you alright? I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.”

“No, no. It’s stupid, just, please. Forget about it.”

Cathy felt as if she was stabbed in the heart after hearing that statement. Anne was amazing, smart, talented, and said some of the most interesting things Cathy has ever heard. And here she is now, saying that her feelings are stupid.

Cathy doesn’t know who made her feel like this, but they are going to pay for it. Yet, that is for another time, right now Cathy has to focus on comforting the Boleyn girl.

“Hey Anne, we’re friends right?”

“Well, yeah, I would like to think so.” Anne tentatively mumbled. She expressed a blatant insecurity that Parr would reject the idea. But why?

Parr wanted to further analyze this side of Anne and try to figure out what might have happened to her, but she couldn’t. Not right now, when Anne needed a friend. No, especially now since Anne needed a friend, someone to be there for her, to reassure her things were okay. That is what Parr needed to be right now. Her friend.

Cathy smiled, bumping their shoulders together. Hence, grabbing Anne’s attention as Parr stared at her with a look that Anne wasn’t used to seeing: patience and love. With a gentle squeeze reminding Anne of their connected hands, Cathy let the Boleyn girl bask in the show of affection. Anne deserves to enjoy this moment, to feel comfortable with her own thoughts. What’s more, she deserves to have someone to listen to her. Cathy can very well be that person. All Catherine had to do was prove that she would and could be there for her. So she spoke up, determined to help Anne no matter what it takes.

“Then there you go. Your opinion matters to me, Anne. As your friend, I don’t think this is stupid. Not one bit. So please, don’t feel afraid to talk to me. You have a wonderful voice, and I truly think it should be shared with the world.”

Cathy observed as Anne stared at her in shock. A blush formed on Parr’s cheeks as she noticed a sudden change in the Boleyn girl. Tension had quickly left Anne’s face and was now replaced by a small, soft, genuine, and breathtaking smile. Really, Cathy could go on about the beauty of Anne’s smile, but she was rather focused on something else. It was way more important than her feelings. Gratitude, that’s what Anne’s expression conveyed instead of the fearful look she wore mere seconds ago. Anne gently squeezed Cathy’s hand back, returning the affection as she pulled Cathy in so they could be in closer proximity. The action cause both girls heart to race as they were lost in the moment, staring at each other in a comfortable, knowing silence. Both were thinking the same thing.

She does see me.

Finally after taking a few deep breaths, Anne was the first one to break the silence.

“Thank you, that… that really means a lot Cathy.”

“Of course Anne. Do you, um... Do you want to talk about it?” Cathy gingerly asked.

Anne looked down as she contemplated what to do. After a few seconds of thinking it over, she slowly nodded her head.

“Alright, I’m here to listen whenever you ready.” Parr, acknowledging that she was looking down, squeezed Anne’s hand again. Cathy hopes it would reassure Boleyn that Parr planned on being there for her. Seeing that Anne had mustered up the courage to look up at Catherine and start her explanation, Cathy thinks it’s safe to say that it worked.

"Ok, so, our generation is stupid, right?” Anne started off.

“100% agree, continue please.”

“It’s just, no one cares about others' stories. Make believe or real, every story matters. Yet we cast them aside and hold an egocentric viewpoint that mentally and physically tears others down. And I’m so fucking sick of it!”

“Of the kids in the halls?” Cathy hesitantly asked.

“Of basically everyone! They all piss me off! Like, no one even understands why I read, the majority of those people don’t even think I can read! I’m nearly eighteen, for Christ's sake! How would I be in an advanced English class if I couldn’t read?”

“I don’t know, kids are stupid.”

“I know, but… you’re the first person to understand this and believe me…”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Anna won't shut up about how I can't do math, Kitty doesn't like poetry and always whines about me speaking ‘gibberish’ when I rant about it, and the rest of the school thinks I text shit like, 'dat waz fun' smiley face, winky face, kissy cat." Anne rolled her eyes. "It's just..." she pursed her lips, then looked at Cathy and gave her a small smile. "It hurts after a while, y’know. So it's extremely refreshing to finally talk to someone who appreciates writing."

"I totally get that." Cathy nodded.

"Really?" Anne stared at her as if she had two heads.

"Yeah... actually, at my last school, I was teased for reading so much," Cathy elaborated honestly. She doesn't know why, but she felt a need to tell Anne this. It was as if that Boleyn girl elicited a strong desire for Parr to talk about herself. She wanted to know all about Anne, and for Anne to know all about her.

Even if it was about her embarrassing loser past. It's not like she can escape it, only accept it and move forward.

"What the hell is wrong with this generation? That's stupid!" Anne groaned.

Well, at least Anne agreed with her about the matter.

"They called me novel nerd," Cathy bluntly stated.

"... Fucking Alliteration." Anne said after muttering what Cathy assumed was French swear words. She then pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Yeah." Cathy bitterly laughed.

"Want me to fight them for you?" Anne offered, holding her fist up and pretending to punch the air to show she was being serious.

"No, but thanks... it's just like you said earlier, it's nice just to be comfortable enough to talk about these things with someone and know that they respect it." Cathy smiled at her.

Anne lifted Catherine's hand up a bit and gently stroked it.

"Cath, I got you." The gentle action caused Cathy to blush. Anne then looked up with a spark of mischief. "Let's run away to live in a library."

Cathy couldn't help but let out an unlady-like snort. A bit embarrassing, yes. But luckily for Catherine, Anne adored it. She couldn't stop herself from adoring it even if she tried.

"Sounds like heaven." Parr grinned, finally managing to calm her laughter.

They both stared at each other for a few seconds in silence, but after those few seconds of silence, they burst into a laughing fit.

Catherine then looked up at Anne. Something caught her attention about her suggestion. The way she referred to something, or rather, herself.

"Cath, Huh?" She raised an eyebrow, looking Anne over in a teasing manner.

It's time for some playful payback.

She noticed how Anne flinched, and for a quick second, looked embarrassed, but it quickly washed away and was replaced by her usual confident expression.

"Oh, yeah. I just think it's cute and, um, it suits you. Is it alright if I call you that?" Anne asked.

Cathy couldn't stop the dorky smile that was spread across her face. Just hearing Anne give her a nickname just like how she had given one to Katherine, warmed Cathy up inside. She was growing closer to Anne each second and her interest for the girl continued to grow.

"Sure, but only if I get to call you nicknames too!" She agreed.

"Go for it, you got two slots."

Catherine pondered for a second. What should she call her?

Catherine couldn't help but giggle at the first thought to come to mind.

"Okay, first one has to be gremlin."

Anne's smile dropped and her eyebrows furrowed.

"You know what Cath? Fuck you." She huffed, a small pout was plastered on her face. Ergo, causing Cathy to burst into a giggling fit.

After a few seconds of giggling and admiring Anne's pouty face, Cathy managed to calm down.

"Okay, um... Next is.... hm."

It took Cathy a few seconds as she looked Anne up and down. She didn't actually need to check the girl out, she just wanted an excuse too.

The action, however, had caused Anne to blush.

Then it hit Cathy. Her lips quirked up at the idea for what to call the Boleyn girl. Sure, it was simple, but so was Cathy. So it’s fine. No, Parr will do one better.

It was perfect.

"Annie," Catherine said, squeezing Anne's hand and beaming at her with a warm smile.

Anne's happy expression fell after hearing that. Cathy noticed the change in expression.

"Um, is everything alright?" She asked.

"H-huh? Oh, um, yeah. It's swell." Anne nervously looked away.

Cathy stared at her worried, but Anne refused to show any sign of pain. Instead, she just gave Cathy a fake smile and avoided eye contact.

There it is again. The change in expression, the change in tone, the change in the atmosphere around her. All of these changes thickened the air and added to the mystery of Anne Boleyn.

Who was she?

Just a second ago, she was all bubbly. But with just a single name, she instantly became a timid sheep. She wore nervous, wide eyes that were surveilling the surroundings as if she was watching out for a predator, fearing for her life. However, the only other person there was Cathy.

She did that. She did this to Anne Boleyn. She doesn't know how, nor why, but she did it. An god, did it feel awful.

Cathy could only do what she thought was right at the time, to check on the girl.

With a gentle squeeze initiated by Cathy, Anne's eyes slowly looked up. Her breathing was a little heavy and her face was a calm, serious. Cathy's anxiety grew with each lurid second passing. Finally, after making it all the way up the excruciating trail, Anne's eyes met Cathy's.

For a brief second Cathy swore she saw the corner of Anne's eyes filling up with tears, and her skin was slightly paler than usual.

But it disappeared in seconds as she hastily swapped her expressions, as if she was trying to hide something. She... she was trying to hide herself.

Anne had put back on her mask, yet it was too late.

Her perfect image had already broke in front of Cathy, not that she planned on telling Anne that.

So with a heavy sigh, Cathy acknowledge that she needed to do something.

"Anne I-"

"Stop it. There's no need for that." Anne interrupted her in a cold tone, yet she still had a "smile" plastered on her face.

"Huh?" Cathy looked at her confused.

"Really Cath, I'm fine." She muttered loud enough for Cathy to hear her.

Cathy knew that wasn't the case. It most certainly wasn't the case at all. Cathy wanted to convey to Anne that she knew this, and that she wanted to help her. She wanted to stop right there, tell Anne it's okay not to be okay, perhaps even give her a hug.

But she didn't know Anne. They weren't close. Anne said it herself, they just met recently. And although Cathy was connecting with her, Anne might not be as into it. She doesn't know. Boleyn is still a mystery to her, one she has yet to uncover.

So how could she break through Anne's mask? She didn't have the right because she doesn't know her. At least, she doesn't know her yet.

"Okay. If you say so...." she reluctantly dropped the subject.

Mark Cathy's words, she'll read Anne's backstory one day. Cathy might cry, she might laugh, hell, she might not know what to think. But she knows that she'll be there for Anne when the time comes.

Until that day comes, this is all she could do for now.

—————————————————————————

Tag list: @sarahzarahh @annabanana2401 @lesbabe6 @aveasorae @qnneboleyn @whenallthestarscollide @its-totes-gods-will @canadianharrypotter @epitomeofchaoss @obliviousasheck @heeleys4feeleys @liliocelotepremium @six-is-awesome @thatbolxyngirl @toomanyfamdom @the-queen-bee-is-here @a-slightly-cracked-egg @thatonedisaster-gay @aywdaimie @thegaywhokindalikesmusicals @everything-insanity @babeebobo @one-time-i-jumped-off-a-cliff @wicked-books-101 @33o9 @agustjnk @i-really-dont-use-this-anymore Please reply if you wish to join the tag list or if your username changes so I can update the list :D

[stainedglassgardens]

Watched in June 2020

Funny Games Louise Bourgeois: The Spider, the Mistress and the Tangerine Wodaabe: Herdsmen of the Sun Bells from the Deep: Faith and Superstition in Russia (Glocken aus der Tiefe - Glaube und Aberglaube in Russland) We Are the Best! (Vi är bäst!) Olla Return to Reason (Le Retour à la raison) Ghosts Before Breakfast (Vormittagsspuk) Sissy Boy Slap Party The Republic of Enchanters (La République des enchanteurs) Sullivan's Banks (Sullivans Banken) Black Panthers Asparagus America The Fall The Watermelon Woman Douce Menace Curling Trouble Every Day The Return (Возвращение) Maillart's Bridges (Maillarts Brücken) Two Years at Sea The Creeping Garden Homo Sapiens A Radiant Life (Une Vie radieuse) Shirley Disclosure Baghead Lahemaa Closeness (Теснота) Touki Bouki Daughter (Dcera) Human Nature 1 Dimension

Did not finish

From the Depths (Dal Profondo, Valentina Pedicini, 2013)

I could take them or leave them

Louise Bourgeois: The Spider, the Mistress and the Tangerine (Marion Cajori and Amei Wallach, 2008) The Republic of Enchanters (La République des enchanteurs, Fanny Liatard and Jérémy Trouilh, 2016) America (Valérie Massadian, 2013) The Fall (Tarsem Singh, 2006) Douce Menace (Ludovic Habas, Yoan Sender, Margaux Vaxelaire, Mickaël Krebs, Florent Rousseau, 2011) A Radiant Life (Une Vie radieuse, Meryll Hardt, 2013)

Films I enjoyed

Wodaabe: Herdsmen of the Sun and Bells from the Deep: Faith and Superstition in Russia (Glocken aus der Tiefe - Glaube und Aberglaube in Russland) (Werner Herzog, 1989 and 1993): Just super nice Herzog documentaries. There are a bunch on Mubi now and I might watch all of them

We Are the Best! (Vi är bäst!, Lukas Moodysson, 2013): I was on the lookout for this film for years and then it popped up on Mubi. Maybe I didn’t love it because of all that anticipation, but it’s still a great film that I wish more people, especially more teenagers, would see

Return to Reason (Le Retour à la raison, Man Ray, 1923): Always love early experiments with film

Sissy Boy Slap Party (Guy Maddin, 2004): Very silly! Loved it

Sullivan's Banks (Sullivans Banken) and Maillart's Bridges (Maillarts Brücken) (Heinz Emigholz, both 2000): It’s nice that there are non-narrative documentaries like this. You wouldn’t think filming buildings (and bridges) from different angles would bring something to the table as opposed to, for instance, photographing them, but somehow it really does. Again, a bunch of Emigholz’s films are on Mubi and they make for great daytime entertainment, might watch more soon

Black Panthers (Agnès Varda, 1970): This was made available for free by The Criterion Channel and I was finally able to see it, as well as keep going with my Vardathon. I loved how matter-of-fact and sympathetic this short documentary was

Trouble Every Day (Claire Denis, 2001): The kind of vampire movie I wish there were more of. Also always love Béatrice Dalle <3

Two Years at Sea (Ben Rivers, 2011): This is a very quiet, contemplative, beautiful documentary about a man who lives alone in the woods

The Creeping Garden (Tim Grabham and Jasper Sharp, 2014): The wide array of things that can be explored while just talking about slime mould is a little bit stunning -- great soundtrack too

Homo Sapiens (Nikolaus Geyrhalter, 2016): I preferred Our Daily Bread from the same director but I still loved this. I like how Geyrhalter always lets his (stunning) images do the talking

Shirley (Josephine Decker, 2020): Being a fan of both Shirley Jackson and Elisabeth Moss, I’d wanted to see this since it came out. It was pretty much exactly as I expected, which is to say very good. It reminded me, not without reason, of the recent We Have Always Lived in the Castle adaptation

Baghead (Mark Duplass and Jay Duplass, 2008): Sometimes silly, sometimes deep, Duplass brothers comedy featuring young Greta Gerwig

Lahemaa (Leslie Lagier, 2010): Science fiction short about a Chernobyl-like mysterious city

Closeness (Теснота, Kantemir Balagov, 2017): Might have preferred this to Beanpole, still not entirely sure what to think, but I loved the main character and I loved the story

Touki Bouki (Djibril Diop Mambéty, 1973): This is a wonderful debut feature by a director whom, for some reason, I had heard nothing about until now

Daughter (Dcera, Daria Kashcheeva, 2019): The animation was wonderful and the story a lot more layered than I would have thought for such a popular short film

Human Nature (Sverre Fredriksen, 2019): Please watch this right now if you can. It’s three minutes long and you won’t regret it. Very silly

1 Dimension (一维, Lü Yue, 2013): This is a beautiful short film about the nature of good and evil and I loved that, contrarily to many films with exactly this premise, it didn’t actually try to provide a clear-cut answer

Films I loved

Funny Games (Michael Haneke, 1997): Definitely this month’s film that fucked me up. So gruelling

Olla (Ariane Labed, 2019): When I first finished this I was doubtful but the more I thought of it the more I loved it. It’s about an Internet girlfriend from Eastern Europe who comes to France and I don’t know that I can say much more about it except that it manages to talk about sex work in a way that I enjoyed

Ghosts Before Breakfast (Vormittagsspuk, Hans Richter, 1928): This, together with Meshes of the Afternoon, which I saw a few months ago, reminds me that so-called experimental and avant-garde stuff was in film from the very beginning, it was just ignored by big-budget film producers in favour of narrative features. Anyway, this is a great short film and it's only six minutes so you should definitely watch it

Asparagus (Suzan Pitt, 1979): A five-star rating on Mubi, just, one of those things I am glad women are making out there -- just like Jodie Mack's The Grand Bizarre a few months ago

The Watermelon Woman (Cheryl Dunye, 1996): This classic was made available by The Criterion Channel and I could finally see it... It feels like a first film in all the good and bad ways, and I’m glad it exists, glad there are complex, multilayered stories about Black lesbians out there

Curling (Denis Côté, 2010): I saw this after I was so favourably impressed by Ghost Town Anthology and I have to say, if anyone can hook me up with the rest of Côté's filmography, please please please hit me up. I'm in love with his depiction of small-town Québec, and the slow progression of his drama, the no-music soundtrack, just everything -- not to mention his take on “genre”

The Return (Возвращение, Andrey Zvyaginstev, 2003): I’m glad I stuck with Zvyagintsev after I was disappointed by The Banishment. Of the four I’ve seen, this is by far my favourite film of his (maybe because, since there are no women, there is no misogyny). It is often hard to watch but the ending brings it all together quite beautifully

Disclosure (Sam Feder, 2020): This is such a good documentary. It’s often hit-or-miss with Netflix releases but I urge you to watch this whether or not you are already “educated” about the representation of trans people in film and television. Jen Richards in particular provides great insight

*

I spent almost all of my movie time on Mubi in June. Not that I’m sad about it! This subscription might be my best decision in a while. Now to watch more random stuff that I’ve never heard about before!

[fivegoldpieces]

okay let’s get this late liveblog post started

marisha and travis wearing those glasses while sitting right next to each other is honestly killing me right now please im so weak

what is this ad oh my god 

SAD SANDPAPER

how the hell do they have time to do this im

LAURA BURSTING OUT LAUGHING AND MATT’S PERPLEXED FACE IS ME EVERY WEEK

HAPPY PRIDE HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

JESTER DISGUISING HERSELF AS A LEAF I LOVE HER SO GD MUCH

LEAF COSTUME IM LOSING MY MIND

rotting meat fjord, i don’t know how much that will help but okay

“can i like swim back to the tree” MARISHA THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID LAST CAMPAIGN TOO AND IT DIDN’T WORK

JESTER COULD HAVE GONE INVISIBLE IM FUCKNSKFL CRYING

Beau: “Everyone is fucking bailing on me, and I ain’t got shit” 

Jester: “I’m a leaf! I’m a leaf but I’m still with you”

THE WAY IM FUCKING HOLLERING RIGHT NOW OH MY GODDD I LOVE. THEM!

MARISHA MIMING BEAU REACHING OUT TO JESTER IM AJLKDJALSJFSADF

beaujester held hands i am perFecTLY FINE this is FINE IM FINE this is okay im good im good imajfdklasjdfasjkfk HANDS

Fjord is a bottom Confirmed

DIMENSION DOOR IS BEAUJESTER SHIPPERS FRIEND

UGH THAT POLYMORPH COULDVE BEEN SO GOOD

FJORD RIDING THE ROC LIKE VM DID I THINK

YES JESTER POLYMORPH BUT ALSO OH NO FJORD

the image of 6ft caduceus holding onto an eagle is fuckn amazing

i have to say the sound of matt shaking the dice as fjord falls sounds ominous as fuck

YAY FJORD IS STILL ALIVE

caduceus talking to fjord on the ground reminds me of the skyrim scene for some reason

can beau saying “i follow jester” be a thing

jester saying sorry to fjord 😭

KEEP THE BAT AWAY DON’T TOUCH IT JUST PUT IT IN THE BAG OF HOLDING

beau and caleb going to the nest to get loot together hell yeah

AWW BABY ROC

BEAU TRYING TO SCRITCH THE BABY ROC LMFAOO

THE BALL BEARINGS RETURN LMFAO

oh damn that’s a lot of gold in a nest

beau getting the silk clothes for jester

“c’mon man get back in the cloak”

beau arguing with caleb as an eagle fucking sends

LMFAO LAURA HIT THE MIC

OH SHIT POLYMORPH DROPPED

omg bless that one spell slot

damn jester really loves using command

this tense atmosphere with the roc omfg

HUT COMPLETED

 im not saying beau is married to jester now because of the rings but she definitely is

LMAO THE BOX IS TRAPPED THE ONE TIME NOTT DOESN’T CHECK FOR TRAPS

FIREBALL TRAP NOTT WHAT THE FUCK

nott is drunk i can tell

omg jester trying to snatch the flask and putting it into the haversack

beau proposed to yasha with that ring omg rights for beauyasha shippers

IM SORRY BUT MARISHA ACCIDENTALLY FUCKING WITH LIAM’S INJURED SHOULDER AS BEAU SENDS

LMFAO JESTER TRYING TO WINGMAN

omg beau and yasha are married ugh wlw rights

AH FUCK ORCS

HELL YEAH FIREBALL

i wonder how fjord feels about the orcs they’re fighting

FUCKING HELLO BEES GOD I LOVE JESTER

marisha really works those sunglasses ugh someone draw beau in them

their true rivals are toya and the roc

awww poor jester is exhausted

LET’S GO BAZOZZAN

i don’t trust that tower at all

o fuck it’s a xhorhasian hupperdook but without the fun civilians

persuasion checks scare the crap out of me ngl

“be quiet, do your work, and leave” honestly applies to a lot of places

beau, to jester: “you were pretty awesome actually”

me: fucking dead on the ground because of these two blue gfs

omg pls the leaf costume

things escape from the tower? a prison?

oh fuck temples to betrayer gods

DOORWAYS TO THE ABYSS??

this is some grey warden darkspawn shit omg

THE FUCKING DANCE MOVES

JESTER SMART TIEF LOVE HER

oh fuck THE ABYSS?? DEMONS

OH HELL OH HOW FUN

marion read jester a book about demons as a child lmfao

oh god what’s jester gonna do to that sign

bless on beau and fjord and jester ugh i love my og trio crumbs

ARE YOU STILL IN YOUR LEAF COSTUME

the traveler’s voice being described as disembodied honestly creeps me out

oban wan kenobi

omfg what is up with that incense lmao

oh the joys of haggling i cant do that lol

HOW MUCH MONEY DOES CAD HAVE

SHARE BEDS PLEASE

FLASK IS GONE AND NOTT IS FREAKING

omg not at nott thinking yasha did it

ok but nott and her alcoholism is gonna be the new spice

nott possibly fusing with frumpkin sends

i love cats ah

FJORD OPENING UP LET’S GO LET’S GO

let fjord and caduceus be goddess buddies

praying to the wildmother is literally a way to deal with anxiety attacks

fjord’s fixation on the fact that the dream with the wildmother felt good says a lot

SHUT UP HE’S ANXIOUS TO FEEL THAT GOOD AGAIN IM GONNA FUCKING SOB

mountain with no snow in front of a salt flat? oh my

god i fuckn love fjord and caduceus talking

it’s the fuckn ocean im gonna fucking cry im 

HE GOES TO SLEEP VERY WELL THAT NIGHT IM LITERALLY GONNA SOB

omg let’s go three wlws bc bi/closeted lesbian jester is Real and no one can take that away from me

jester trying to wingman so hard lmfao

LMFAO YASHA STANDING OVER THEM

WAKEY

THE SCRY FAILED UGH

jester saying “that’s what i’m here for” rings a bell in my mind but i don’t know what exactly - something about her view of her worth in the group which would be interesting to explore

omg nott about to confront yasha

and fjord now oh and caduceus

TRAVIS JUST ENDED SAM’S CAREER HOLY FUCK

oh boy cold turkey is not gonna be fun

ANGRY YASHA OMFG

omg m9 please don’t enable the alcoholism

45 GOLD FOR FIRE WHISKEY OMG

maybe use that bottle to wean her off 

everyone calls jester jessie now ugh thank you nott for starting it and beau for always using it

god i love brjeaus so much

SECRET TUNNELLLLL SECRET TUNNELLLLLL THROUGH THE MOUNTAINSSSSSS

lmfao fjord tryna be buff

oh god what is this sending gonna sound like

WHAT IF I JUST GO DDU DU DDU DU DDU DDU DDU

IM FUKVMKSNF LLOSING IT NO SHE DID IT IMF FJA

how is she supposed to look for the hidden entrance if it’s hidden

oh god they’re gonna go down the tunnel aren’t they

the way travis and marisha burst into song fuckn nerds

no plans we die like adventurers

YASHA HONEY YOU ARE NOT A FREAK

i can be a freak i can i can be a freak every day of every week

o fuck yea goggles are cool

SHE’S UNDERAGE LMFAOO

holy fuck 25 gold BUT HE DOES IT ANYWAY

fjord just one black coffee-ed nott lmfao

huh nothing for locate creature but locate object worked

FUCK YEAH CELESTIAL BUDS

uh “until the world ends”?? that does not sound good 

FJORD JUST GOES IN DUDE

oban is floating i know

JESTER HOLDING YASHA’S HANDS

SHFSFIA THE FUKD FK AF JESTER TELLING YASHA THE M9 IS BEHIND HER AND WILL SUPPORT HER

WE CAN BE YOUR NEW ONE

WE CAN BE YOUR NEW ONE

WE CAN BE YOUR NEW ONE

hol on i  need several moments

WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH YASHA NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS

FUCKJFKSJFDAKJDF MY FUCKNS TEARS

oh? an idea?

ROCK HARP LMFAO

the way yasha prays to the stormlord is kind of endearing in a way to me

ashley is so nervous omg like travis was

TWO MILES???? THAT’S SO MUCH WALKING

this tunnel mad creepy i don’t like this

okay but i wonder if that tunnel collapsed because of someone 

beau and jester keeping track of the wall ugh my crumb

MM I DON’T TRUST OBELISKS

OOOH SYMBOLS ON PAPER

omfg fjord you can’t just eldritch blast in a tunnel that’s had a cave in before just shake him

oh it’s abyssal? defaced by celestial creatures?

UH UH THAT SOUNDS FOREBODING

god they’re such musical nerds

oh boy they’re sending nott in i hope she doesn’t get hurt

angel sculptures?

UM WEEPING ANGELS NO THANKS

THEY’RE CRYING BLOOD? NOPE GET OUT GET OUT

NOTT NO OMFG

ugh cats should have darkvisio

oh my god this is so creepy it’s like 4am matthew please

BROKEN SWORD??

THEY’RE GOING IN FUCK

LMFAO NOTT SEARCHING YASHA’S POCKETS

this place is so gd creepy matt please end it oh my god

the music is not helping at all

TWO DAYS OLD?? UH NOPE NOPE NOPE

THIS SOME SACRIFICIAL SHIT

NUH UH THIS IS REMINDING ME OF THE WHITESTONE ARC AND ZIGGURATS FUCK THIS OMFG

DON’T FUCKING PULL THE SKELETON FJORD JFC

oh god the fact that the statues were sitting is even creepier

i really don’t like this omg it’s so creepy

DOES NO ONE HAVE DETECT GOOD AND EVIL

AH FUCK THE STATUES ARE MAGICAL TOO

oh god she touched it

oh god they both touched it

oh i really do not like this omfg

what if someone dragged a body in oh god this is terrifying

IT’S MUSIC

WAIT DOESN’T CELESTIAL SOUND LIKE SINGING

METAL HARP LMFAO

break one open lol

UH SHE’S STANDING IN FRONT OF THE DOOR H

oh geez they really are gonna go in

earthy rotten sulfuric smell does not sound good at all

“you guys know what to do” oh boy

oh three yashas are a dream

WELL HELL LMFAO

closing it off with yasha as annie amazing

UGH CAN’T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK

[universal-kitty]

babe u know I wanna hear you gush about Stellar and Mollymauk - limey

@limey-blue-arty-do

   Oh Molly… How long did I deny liking you…? From first glance of this dork, I immediately went, “Oh no.” Cause I know my type and he was all of them in a glance. I could see his playful attitude in the art I saw of him. I love all nonhumans and the way his red eyes gleam, the curve and decoration of his horns, his tail…and oh! His ridiculous fashion!!! I ended up falling for all of it and didn’t know what to do.

   …So I denied it. For months. Some easier than others, but I’d stare when he crossed my dash again!!! Pining as I do…but giving in? Falling for him?

   He’s given so much more than I ever thought he would.

   Mollymauk- and loving him- reminds me of everything I am currently striving for. He is my wish for freedom and love and laughter in abundance taken the shape of a purple tiefling with a life behind him he acknowledges, but let’s lie in the grave made for that…other person. He embraces life through all that it is, is the mad-love of life-living that I’m enthralled with….and the problems that come with it to face.

   He is the sun, the moon, and all of the stars… Through him, I learned of a shared home under the Moonweaver…and oh, home I’ve found.

   I love him so, so dearly. I cannot wait to see what other, delightful things he brings into my life and etches onto my skin~

   Maybe one of these days I’ll make a gif for Stellar I can use…but for now, here’s something that gives me “Stellar” vibes.       With that done! Let me gush about this darling tief…

   I think the best way to start off is…how there is being made for someone and how someone ends up becoming home. Cause since Stellar is an OC, he was made for me…but to achieve the feeling of peace and adoration with someone? To feel…at home with them? That is something not so often found. Yet Stellar brings that in to me.

   He is comfort when things are overwhelming; protective arms when I cannot stand a moment more. It’s like the freedom of Molly, but where Mollymauk is a fierce wind that will push those not understanding his dance…Stellar is more like the waves. The ocean. They pull you into a slow dance and- should it be overwhelming- leaving is no shame. Just as long as I return…and oh, I’ll always return to them.

   A quiet storm. Still gentle. Where they have their issues with touch and permissions. I have my issues with overstimulation and the touch-issues that arise from that. It’s such a balance of trauma and understanding of it; a delicate treatment that never gets too much out of hand that it feels like walking on eggshells… It’s so, so pleasant to have in my life.

   I adore them. I love them…and Limey? Thank you for bringing them to me~