#i am never exclusively talking about romance

[llumimoon]

yeasss im aroace yes im a hopeless romantic yes i love relationship anarchy yes im still a sucker for soulmates and yes i dont think soulmates are inherently romantic or limited to one person..... it all makes me giddy !!!

[chimielie]

oh my god, they were roommates

part 2 to and they were roommates. no cws, just silliness.

you're not talking to tooru.

he's not sure how you manage it so effectively. you eat all your meals in your room while he's home, except for when you manage to sneak from there to the door while he's in the bathroom. his only clue that you've gone out is that you leave your bedroom door open when you do, really hammering home how empty his life suddenly is.

"even when we're in the same room," he sighs, resting his cheek on his fist. "it's like trying to grab a fish out of the water. i turn around or blink and poof! gone!"

"your sleeve is dipping into your drink," says his date. "and i really think you need to discuss this with your roommate. at home. alone."

tooru waves goodbye forlornly as they stand up and walks out of the restaurant, leaving behind a half-eaten ball of rice and a broken man.

"you are like a sad, sad," akaashi says, pausing to really linger on the word sad, "wet cat. please stop bringing your dates here to mope about—to them. you are forming bad associations between our business and your terrible romantic etiquette."

akaashi keiji is a mangaka now, or an editor for one, anyway; he works at onigiri miya (tokyo location) on the side because it's the only way he routinely leaves the house; tooru brings his dating drama here to brighten up what must surely be a terribly boring life.

"what would you do without me, akaashi-kun," tooru stretches his arms high with a languid sigh that makes akaashi worry that he has comprehended none of his words. "wouldn't you be so miserable if you didn't have me to bring romance and excitement to your life?"

"i have a boyfriend of several years," akaashi says, which is rude to remind tooru of while he's in such a vulnerable state. "i have plenty of excitement with him in my life."

"inconsiderate!" tooru snorts. "please break up with him to show me solidarity."

"i will not be doing that." akaashi picks up the nameless and now-vanished date's plate and takes a bite out of the leftover food.

"understandable," tooru nods, "that's very reasonable. i just don't know what to do, or how to fix it, or what i did wrong."

"you come in here every other night to whine about what you did wrong."

"do not."

"do too," akaashi sticks out his tongue at him. there's a grain of rice stuck to his lip. "you spent several months going out on dates trying to make your friend-turned roommate jealous—during which, I'll note, you basically exclusively talked about the person you were and continue to be obsessed with—then initiated... romantic physical contact, then ran away. because you have the attachment style of a stray cat."

"ah, akaashi-kun," tooru says. "are you saying i get around?"

"i am saying you are lurking outside the window and begging for attention and then biting the hand that feeds you when you get it.”

“oh.” tooru is quiet for a moment. “can i get the check?”

“it’s on the house if you’ll just go home and talk to your roommate and never come back here with another date.” akaashi says, finishing off the onigiri.

“deal.”

your room is empty, your bedroom door ajar when he comes home. mournfully, tooru sits on the bed, reminiscing over the hours he'd spent gossiping with you here.

he'll just wait for you to get back. when he used to take you dancing—with your other friends, but you'd wind your arms around his neck and he'd run light hands over your waist, your hips, and you would look at him like no one else even existed—you always wanted to leave before midnight. it's ten-forty-nine now, according to his watch, so he's sure you'll be back before long.

you get home at two-oh-four. you had never seen the point in staying out longer when going home and chatting over a bowl of cheesy noodles with tooru was so much more appealing—you didn't want to dance with anyone else anyway. now, though, you don't want to be home, and you have something to prove. to who, you're not sure, but you find yourself staying out later and later.

even though you always return home alone. you'd thought about really upping the ante, about moving on as abruptly as possible, but you couldn't. it felt like going too far in this petty revenge game. after all, you still—

you stop short, dropping your shoes on the floor. the devil is in your bed, lying on his side, knees tucked to his chest to fit his absurdly long frame. his breaths are even and deep, his face peaceful.

"oh, tooru," you sigh, and climb over him to tuck yourself against his warm side.

you blink your eyes open slowly, sleep still gleaming in the corners of your vision. there's a weight on your hip and something that smells really, really good surrounding you, nearly lulling you back to sleep.

"oh, please don't," says a voice you haven't heard in days. "my arm's circulation has been completely cut off. i may never serve again."

you jolt away from the soft source of warmth, which you realize belatedly is oikawa's chest.

"what happened?" you say, swiping at your face with the back of your hand.

he looks frustratingly perfect as always, brown hair rumpled, eyes soft like you aren't in the biggest spat of your friendship.

"i was waiting for you," he admits, leaning on his side and casting his eyes down, his lashes shadowing his high cheekbones. "because i wanted to apologize, to be clear. i must have fallen asleep, and then i woke up, and it was like—"

"yes," you cough. "i see. um."

"i'm sorry," he says. "hey, look at me. i'm really sorry."

"for what, oikawa?" you laugh nervously.

"for being stupid," he rolls one shoulder in a shrugging motion. "for trying to make you jealous and instead just being, like, a complete fucking clown during all of it."

"make me jealous?" you say, blinking at him.

"please don't look at me like that," he says, scrubbing over his face with the hand that's not propping up his head. "it-you make me nervous."

"we've been friends for years," you say, still apparently lost. "how can i make you nervous?"

"you always will," he laughs, but it's strained. "look—i like you. probably more, but i'm trying not to scare you—any more than i already have, i mean. i'm not sorry for kissing you, is what i mean. i should just—i should probably go."

"wait," you say firmly before he can untangle himself from your sheets. putting a hand on his shoulder and pushing yourself up to meet his lips, which are soft and dry and parted slightly with surprise.

the kiss is warm and lingers, even after you pull away. tooru stares at you with dazed eyes that make you shy, dropping your own. his voice is quiet but hopeful, contrasting his words in tone when he speaks.

"what the fuck?"

[jarofstyles]

Flower 3

Hi my loves! I am so excited to give you guys an update on our flower petals. Don’t kick my ass for the ending xoxox

Flower masterlist

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WC- 5.3k

Warnings - talk of kink, mega sexual tension, daddy kink if you squint really hard hehe

Her head was still dizzy even after sitting in the front seat and letting him out the bags in the back. She did her job as good passenger and placed the coffees in each cup holder, but she was spinning. Her hand still tingling and warm from how he held it through the parking lot like it was common practice, like he was her boyfriend. 

Would he want to be?

He’d already said he didn’t do hook ups. Gia had pointed out that he wasn’t normal around her and Sarah had agreed. Fuck, he just spent over two hundred on her and didn’t bat an eye. Maybe he did, and maybe she was itching to find out what sort of questions he’d want to ask. 

Weirdly, she wanted him to cross lines. He was always so polite and sweet, despite his dirty jokes at times when he was tipsy. With her, he was usually the poster child of a gentleman. He took care of her and did all sort of sweet things to her, leaving no question about if he cared about her or not. . The words he had said on the car ride here about a guy being sweet out in public and a freak in the sheets echoed around her head as he climbed into his seat, making the thoughts start to dissipate. 

“Aren’t you jus’ the best little passenger princess.” He snickered, putting the keys into the ignition. Her eyes tried to ignore the way the little smirk on his face bade her stomach buzz, but it was a hard thing to look past.

“I could have spit in your coffee. You never know.” Her tease was met by him picking up the cup, looking her dead in the eye as he took a sip. Oh. Well then. “You sicko.” 

“Maybe.” He shrugged his seatbelt on after his little display. “But turning the radio on doesn’t mean you are safe from my questions.” 

“I’m not trying to hide from them! I just don’t like awkward silences and I’ve no clue what you’re gonna ask me so I was making sure we weren’t in danger of one.”she sniffed, pointing her nose up a bit. It was a bit of an act considering she was, indeed, trying to hide a little bit. In fact, she was incredible anxious to know what he was wondering about. “Go on and hit me with one.” 

“Alright. When did you start reading those types of books?” 

“Those types.” She scoffed at the phrasing. It was a relatively tame question with a not so savory answer. “Make me sound like it’s something crazy. But the answer is way too young. Probably 14, 15. I checked one out at the library. To be fair, the first time I didn’t realize it had anything like that in it. I just liked the cover and it seemed nice. One BDSM adjacent book and unsupervised internet access search later and I was finding out all sorts of phrases I didn’t need to know.” It was hard to say if she regretted it now, but she did think it was a little early for that. Then again, most guys her age then were doing their own exploring so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. 

“Hm. Interesting… did you ever get caught with one of them at that age? I’d imagine your parents wouldn’t love that.” No, they most certainly would not. 

“Thank god, no. It would have been mortifying. Now I know that my mother has her own little stash with the shirtless guys and the historical romances though, so it wouldn’t have been like she had a leg to stand on anyways.” That was something she was still thankful for. “Did you ever get caught watching or looking at something?”

From the wince on his face, he absolutely did. “Yeah. It’s just as bad as you think it is. It was my dad, which is only marginally better than it being my mother, but he didn’t seem very phased. I think I was more embarrassed than he was. He never brought it up, but I remembered to lock the door each and every time after that.”

“Oh, that’s rough.” Y/N hissed in sympathy. “My parents worked a lot so it was easy for me to just explore things I shouldn’t have back then. Since you’re older than me, was it online or the magazines?” She was teasing, but he rolled his eyes. 

“Magazine, actually. I’m not that much older.” Five years, but it was enough to make a difference in how they grew up. “Don’t tease me. I see the age gap shit you’re reading.”

“It’s just fun and games.” She assured, brushing her hand over his shoulder playfully. Again, initiating touches. “Besides, I do like an older man so I’m not gonna make too much fun. Considering you did see the books I grabbed.”

He had been very interested in them, it seemed. Interested enough to hover and let her body feel his heat against her back, the burn still there if she let herself think about it too long.

“Yeah, actually I was gonna ask- which one are you the most excited to read?” It was a nice question, middle of the line- but she had a feeling he was trying to gage something.

“Hm. Reaper, that’s the biker club bad boy protecting her from a stalker one, or the Highest bidder. I’ve heard so much about both of them. I know the smut is good in Reaper because I’ve read snippets, but the jury is still out on the second one.”  They had both come highly recommended so she was excited to see if they were going to live up to her expectations. “I do like a good dark romance. It’s kinda hard to explain to people because some things you can enjoy as a fantasy but know in reality it isn’t really ethical, but they won’t get that.”

“I do get it, actually.” He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. “S’kinda like if you roleplay in bed or something. No one thinks you should actually be in a student professor relationship, but the premise of it is hot. A lot of it is like… power balances, kinda.” 

The ease Harry had of understanding sort of took her off guard. Y/N knew he was intelligent and had spent plenty of time with him to know that was the truth, but a lot of people she knew didn’t quite understand the layers there was to it. 

“Yeah, actually. It is a little similar to roleplay, I hadn’t thought too much about that as a comparison.” Now she definitely would. However… the fact that he had brought it up raised a whole new crop of questions… along with the fact she could see a slight shift in his body when she mentioned it. “Is that something you’re into, then? Roleplaying?” 

Her eyes watched as he tugged on his lip, using his one hand to steer the wheel while the other seemed to be self soothing a little bit. His forearm looked particularly good in this light, the veins standing out slightly as he squeezed over the leather. 

“Mm, outed myself a little with that one didn’t I?”

“A bit.” She giggled, crossing her legs. The question remained on what it was that he liked to roleplay? Was it the teacher thing? Nurse? Doctor? Something more risky? Now that she’d allowed her brain to entertain the not so safe for work thoughts about the man, it was difficult to filter them.

“I do enjoy it, yeah. It’s fun. It doesn’t need to be crazy or anything, but it’s fun to spice things up. I haven’t done a ton of it but it is an interest of mine. I feel like you can explore things with it being safe and being with someone you actually trust, so it’s easier to actually enjoy it.”

The explanation made perfect sense. Partially she was relieved that he seemed so intelligent when it came to sex, considering…. 

“Safety is big. One time a guy decided to choke me but he didn’t know how to properly do it.” She winced at the memory. “Bruised my neck. He felt really bad afterwards but it was obvious he hadn’t done any sort of real research into it and it was never discussed beforehand. Do I think it’s hot? Yeah, but not when it feels like someone’s about to crush my windpipe.” 

“Christ.” Harry sighed, exasperated at the story. It looked like he genuinely was astounded by how bad the guys she had been with had behaved. “I feel like that’s kink 101, innit? You learn how to spank and choke without causing the real damage. Fuck, M’sorry that happened to you. Did it make it hard to enjoy it again?” 

“For a little while, yeah. Like you said before, hookups aren’t really my thing anymore either but when I was more into the scene I made sure they either knew how to do it or didn’t do it at all. Sucks, considering it can make you feel ten times better.” It depended on the person for sure, but for her? The head rush made it so much better when she came. 

“Yeah, I can only imagine. I’ve never really had a horror story like that for me. Anyone I’ve been with knew how to do it and I figured it out early on, but I did have one girl who tore up my back really bad. Not in the sexy way with marks for a few days, but one got infected and it was a whole thing. I like pain, but not something that’s gonna actively harm me later. I don’t think she meant to do it either but sometimes those nails are sharp.” 

Y/N squirmed slightly in her seat as he let out that little bit of information that she clung to. Humidity between her thighs wasn’t exactly something she had planned for today but it seemed like Harry had a manual on how to make her squirm. “First, I’m sorry that happened to you too. I feel like you’ll be able to know you’re doing too much and it shouldn’t ever be tearing up actual skin- unless you’re into that but obviously it wasn’t for you.” She winced, knowing it must have been a bitch to take care of. No one could properly do much for a back thing on their own. The whole reach around thing- a mess. “You can tell me to fuck off this time, but are you into both? The choking, then being choked too?” There was no better way to ask it without being direct, even if it made her feel a little weird to say. 

In the drivers seat, he bit his lip to stifle a grin before sneaking a look at her. “What? You think you’re the only one who should have that sorta fun?” Relieving the restraint, he let himself smile at her before his eyes took the road again. “I do, yeah. Both. It just feels good, doesn’t it? The head rush sort of thing. It’s intimate if you do it right. For either person, it can feel like… I dunno, like you’re theirs and they’re mine in that aspect. If it’s done right, it can be the thing to push you over the edge. Trusting someone with their hand around one of your most vulnerable points, it’s a bit thrilling- intimate.” 

Y/N knew Harry had some experience, knew he would probably be good in bed just in how he handled her in general. He was attentive and sweet, checking in with her, but unafraid to do what he wanted. He’s dragged her into his lap and rested his chin on her shoulder, easy to ask her for a cuddle and to play with her hair- but he’s been respectful about the whole thing. Part of her wishes maybe he’d maybe be a little disrespectful at this point. 

There was no doubt in her mind that Harry knew how to fuck. Just from these conversations alone, she knew he could handle himself. But knowing he was pretty dirty, the knowledge of him liking choking on both fronts, it made her feel hot under her collar. “Mm. Nice to know.” 

The response hadn’t been though through, because there were definitely connotations to that- but she let the words tumble out of her mouth without thinking. Her eyes widened as she looked down at her lap, going to open her mouth to respond something else, but the man beat her to it. As usual. 

“Is it?” He hummed lightly. “I’m glad you find it amusing.” 

“I mean, it is.” She had already dug herself a hole. “I just always thought it would be you doing the choking, I never considered the other way around”. 

“You’ve thought about it before, huh?” The smirk was audible in his voice, making her cheeks burn. God damn it all and her slip ups. Harry made her flustered and nervous rolled into a slightly bold ball of dangerous curiosity. 

There were a few ways she could’ve gone about it. Denial was the biggest one, but she’d already gone this far. Didn’t she want to push past the friendship boundary? The way her throat felt tight with him so close behind her at the bookshop while he asked her about her books, how she’d placed his hand on her inner thigh for him when they were out last night, she wanted to go further past the established boundaries. 

“A few times.” 

Her reply was breezy, though she certainly didn’t feel it. The swirling anticipation was bubbling in her tummy, a fluttering bundle of nerves expanding heat through her body. The atmosphere in the truck had been a little tight before, but it had been slowly morphing into a sexually tense mess. 

“Mmm. Nice to know.” Mirroring her prior response, she chanced a look at him. One hand still on the steering wheel, vein still making an appearance in his forearm making an appearance from the sunlight glazing inside the truck. But this time, his stubbled chin dipped into a dimple, a light smirk coating his lips and he was rubbing his hand over his denim covered thigh. His hands, god his fucking hands. They were sexy, sexier than she knew a man’s hands could be. He worked with them, so sometimes he had a few cuts or bruises on them, but he kept his nails trimmed and they were clean most of the time she saw them. The cross tattoo stuck out against his skin, tucked between his thumb and index finger. 

Impulse control didn’t exist as her finger reached out to trace said ink, running the tip of her nail over the symbol. “I dunno if I ever told you how much I like your tattoos but- I do.” She admitted lightly. “I love tattoos. I’ve always wanted to get some but I’ve been afraid.” 

Harry cleared his throat, stopping at the light to look down at her finger running back and forth on the top of his hand. The nail lightly running over the black ink on his sensitive skin, her eyes taking in the same thing. There was no move to remove his hand, letting it stay still as she continued the hypnotic movement and allowed her eyes to move up to his face. 

“Yeah?” His voice was slightly hoarse, showing that she did indeed have some effect on her. The confidence was building as the car ride went on, each little confirmation that he had affections over her making it easier for her to feel the motivation to keep going. Keep poking and prodding to see what would get him to snap. “It’s uh, it’s like…” The satisfaction of making him lose his train of thought had her a little drunk with power, moving her fingertips to his ring to twist it around. “It’s not that bad, for me. I like pain, but it’s like… irritating, maybe. There’s areas you should go for a first time, nowhere directly over bone. My sternum hurt but like… yeah. S’not that bad. I’ll take you to my artist if you want.” 

“Would you?” Y/N wasn’t stupid. She knew her cadence, the sweet way she said it would elicit a specific type of reaction from him, but that’s the point. “That would be so sweet of you, H. Maybe I’ll take you up on that. I think…” The trail of her fing moved up and down his hand and towards his wrist. “You do a lot for me, you know? You’re so kind and helpful, you help me out at my places and I think maybe we don’t hang out outside of that as much as we should. Do you know what I mean?” 

“I agree.” He nodded along to her statement. “Well- I hope you know I don’t mind helping you or anything, cause I don’t. I really like doing things for you. It feels nice.” That could be a loaded statement if she thought about it too long. Harry powered through it though. “But I would love t’hang out with you more individually. I know what you’re sayin’. S’a little annoying when we go out and people interrupt our conversations.”

Y/N giggled at that because, well, they probably shouldn’t be having those conversations of philosophy at the bar and then get annoyed the friends they came with interrupted them, but it seemed like Harry didn’t really like sharing her attention much as it was. “I agree. So rude.” It was obvious she was teasing him a little, squeezing him lightly before her attention was caught by him turning into the car park. “Oh, shit. We’re here already?” 

Part of her was sad because the sexual tension was so delicious and she had been a little hopeful he’d snap, but she really was hungry. 

“Yeah, but it’s okay. We can keep talking inside, then I’ll bring you home.” There was another pause as she could see him trying to figure out how to say something else. “Uh, or if you wanted, you can come over and swim for a bit? You left your swimsuit there the last time I had the cookout and I’ve been meaning to give it back.”

Y/N felt herself resist the urge to squeeze her thighs together. There was that preexisting knowing that if she went over to his place there was a very little chance they’d actually go swimming. It was hard not to get on her knees and nudge his prick right into her mouth even in the car, but maybe this was what edging was like. “Sure! Everytime we hang out at my house you find something to do.” She raised an accusatory eyebrow at the man. “Something to fix. Maybe I want all the attention for once.”

“Oh yeah?” He met her eye with a brow raise, making her realize she had accidentally been suggestive… but fuck it. 

“Yep.” She popped the last letter of the word before opening her car door and slipping out. “Let’s go! I’m hungry!”

——

The tension wasn’t exclusive to the car.

It didn’t break when they walked in, it didn’t break when they sat down to order and it didn’t break as they ate. If anything, Y/N was being a tease for one of the first times in her life. Brushing her foot over his leg, keeping her eyes on the menu when they browsed it, sucking some of the chocolate from her milkshake from her fingers, bumping their feet together, it was thrilling. 

Harry’s eyes were dark, almost constantly on her. Y/N could feel his stare when she looked away, either to her food or when she had walked to the restroom to refresh herself. Her poor panties were completely useless now, but taking them off would do her no good. There was no doubt that this whole trip together had been working her up, but Harry had no problem in making it worse. 

After insisting on paying the full bill, Y/N walked a little bit ahead of him to try to get to his truck- only to be stopped by a hand on the back of her neck. Firm and controlling, he slowed her down to his pace. “I told you, I like t’open the door for you. So stop bein’ a brat because I didn’t let you pay and just say thank you.” 

And, oh- fuck. Y/N could have whimpered from the way he talked to her, rounded eyes looking up at his with her lip poking out slightly. His eyes were a darker shade of green and his jaw set in a way she hadn’t seen before. Had she been moving her hips a little more to see what he’d do? Yeah, a little. But it had to be a culmination of the fact that she’d been working him up all day and purposely acted up to see his reaction. 

“Sorry, daddy.” The apology held some sarcasm as they approached the truck. “Didn’t know I had to- oh!” Y/N choked out a gasp as she felt his hand release her neck, instead twirling her hair around his fist and stopping her straight. Her breathing hitched as she felt his lips come closer to her ear, the closeness of the man that had tormenting her poor body all day without even touching her cunt making her shiver. 

“Don’t call me that unless you want to be bent over my fuckin’ lap. Lots of attitude today from you, baby.” Baby? Oh, shit. The threat, the heat of his words, the grip, all of it had her knees feeling weak. “You’ve been a goddamn tease all day and I’ve been playing nice, so unless you want t’see my already thin fucking patience snap, I suggest you behave for me. Yeah?” The girl took too long to answer, apparently, because he tugged on her hair again to make it sting a little bit. “Asked you a question.” 

“Y-Yeah. I can.” Her voice weakened by the shock and pure arousal, she couldn’t form more than that as he unwound her hair from his fist, demeanor changing instantly with a soft kiss to her cheek. 

“There we go. Amazing!” He lightened up, opening the car door for her. “Wanted to hear that story about your neighbor and their Chihuahua, so why don’t you tell me that on the way to my place?” 

Y/N didn’t know how he switched to easily, how he wasn’t shaky and pressing her against the bench of his truck to show her exactly how impatient he could be, but she assumed he just had more control than she did. There was no more questioning in the grand investigation on if Harry was interested in her or not. It was safe to assume he was, and she was going to use every bit of that confidence to her advantage when they got back to his place. 

She’d behave for now. Let him help her into the car and tell him the story of the yappy thing that liked to eat baby carrots from her hand, be a good girl until they got to his house and the door was closed behind them. After that, though? All bets were off. 

——-

Harry’s house was a lot more rustic than hers was. 

It resembled a log cabin which really did attest to his whole lumberjack appeal. Contractor, wore flannels and tee shirts, his hair was a bit unkempt sometimes and he had that facial hair he grew out and shaved whenever it felt right. The wraparound porch was something she was eternally jealous of, along with the huge stone fireplace and step down living room. He had impeccable hardwood floors and an open concept bottom floor, skylights in the den and a back deck with a view of the mountains that would make anyone jealous. His pool was built into the hillside, his deck housing a jacuzzi and lots of seating as it sprawled down the length of his house. 

What was even better was knowing he’d put most of the grunt work into it. He bought the house and remodeled the whole thing, added onto it, renovated every nook and cranny while keeping the integrity of it. He worked with his hands and it was one of the sexiest things about him, she found, and that itself had her clenching her thighs as he opened the front door with her bags of books hanging off his arm. 

They were not light but he carried them like it was a bag of feathers. Another thing that made her feel out of her mind with hormones. 

Her brain hadn’t been able to stop repeating the way he had reacted to her playfully calling him daddy, how he had helped himself to her hair and took control of her. How he’d been sweet with her after, giving her cheek a chaste kiss before helping her into the car and listening intently to the story of the neighbor and her dog before letting the music turn up and them sit in their own silence. 

She wondered if he had been thinking about it too. 

Once the door was open she was happy to follow him inside, the smell of lemon hitting her in surprise. Usually it smelled like pine and something a little more musky. Like he could read her mind, he placed the bags on the foyer bench as he toed off his boots. “Had the housekeeper come by earlier today, it’s the cleaning stuff.”

“Housekeeper?” Y/N blinked a few times. “Since when?”

“Since 3 months ago. It’s twice a week, a woman comes by to clean the house for me. I do the normal upkeep but m’usually busy, y’know? Don’t have a lot of time to do the deep clean- and if I’m honest, I’ve got no desire to.” He laughed, hanging up the over shirt he brought in from the truck over the coatrack. 

“Ah. I don’t blame you. That’s the only thing I find chenging about having my own place.”

She could technically afford a housekeeper but it wasn’t something she needed. “I kinda like doing deep cleans. I do them on Sundays and get everything ready the week. If I had your place I’d be excited for it. It’s so beautiful in here.” The compliment was an understatement. If she could have any place, it would be this one. 

Sure the long driveway was probably a little scary at night and being in the woods would take a little more getting used to, but she’d seen the sunset from his deck. It was breathtaking. 

“Well, you’re welcome to do that whenever you want.” He teased, taking the keys from his pocket and putting them on the hook. One of his toolboxes sat on the floor next to the shoe rack, slightly open. It was just so… Harry of him. “Can I get you something to drink?” 

“No, I’m okay.” She shook her head, looking back up at him. His broad shoulders and his pretty eyes, arms crossed over his chest as he looked right back down at her. It was easy for the heat to come back between them as she took a step forward, reminding herself it was the time to be brave. Her second heartbeat between her thighs was nearly demanding it of her. “I wanted to ask… what was that all about? In the parking lot?” 

Harry winced slightly, looking away from her as a blush covered his cheeks. Not the reaction she’d expected, but it was interesting nonetheless. “I… that was out of line of me. I shouldn’t have touched you like that. I’m really sorry, Flower. It was inappropriate and I don’t-“ his eyes went back up as her hands covered his forearms, lightly tugging to get his crossed arms to drop. 

“Harry…” she sighed. “Why are you apologizing? Hm?” It was her turn to get into his personal space, stepping into his form and running her hands up his arms.

Those built, inked, perfect arms that reminded her just how strong they were all the fucking time. Her hands clasped together behind his neck, allowing herself to lean into his body as she swallowed her pride and gave herself permission to go for it. To just fucking do it. “I didn’t complain, did I? Didn’t tell you I was uncomfortable?”

“No…” he said slowly, hands frozen by his sides as he looked down at her like he was slightly confused. Almost like he didn’t believe it. 

“I wasn’t uncomfortable. I looked like that because when you grabbed my hair and spoke to me like that… it let me know what kind of man you are.” 

“And what kind of man do you think I am?” His voice dropped, eyes hooking on to hers as his hands slowly dropped to her hips. The grip was light, curious, but his palms were warm and large and fucking perfect on her body. 

“I think you’re the type of man who can fuck me right. You’re so sweet all the time, H. So nice t’me, you make me feel safe and appreciated and beautiful… you always compliment me and refill my drinks. But I didn’t realize you don’t treat the other girls like me. You don’t grab them and put them in your lap. You don’t kiss their necks. You only do that to me.” It was a relief to know that much.  “And I’ve been a little oblivious to the fact you’ve been trying to touch me differently, but I think that’s enough of that. You liked to hear about my books, paid for them, paid for my lunch… kinda acting like a sugar daddy today, hm?” Her hair fell over her shoulders as she arched her head back, the firm wall of a man keeping her up as she did so. 

“I didn’t do it for you to touch me, Y/N- I promise.” He assured quickly, which was sweet. She already knew it though. 

“I know you didn’t. You did it because you’re a provider. You help me in so many ways, you’re the best man I’ve ever met. You’d do it for me over and over again, even if I didn’t catch on because you’re just good. So fucking good to me, and today….” Biting down lightly on her lip, she let out a quiet groan. “Today you drove me crazy. Kept touching me lightly and didn’t press too much, gave me all the answers I wanted and were so respectful about my own. It just let me know that it wasn’t stupid of me to like you. You’re the type of man who can take care of me. Aren’t you?” 

The question was answered with a low groan and his mouth falling on hers. Full and soft, he caught her lips with his own and exhaled against her as he hummed. Fucking finally.  Pulling apart with a soft click, he let out a laugh of disbelief. He couldn’t believe he was kissing her, that she was saying all of this- and neither could she. “If you let me, I will. I’ll take care of every-fuckin-thing you could ever want, baby. You’ve been driving me crazy since we first met, and I was patient but… you’re right.” Another kiss melted her, the grip on her hips not so gentle anymore. “I am a provider. So let me provide you with the pleasure I know you need.”

[graciereadshannigram]

hey fam, welcome to the April 2024 roundup of the best hannigram fics i've read this past month! i read over 100 fics total, and these were the cream of the crop.

as a reminder: the ingredients for a five star rating typically (but not always!!) include some combination of a.) believable characterizations of both Hannibal and Will, b.) compelling plot and/or character arcs, and c.) high quality smut.

that being said, my judgment of the aforementioned ingredients is powered almost exclusively by vibes and as such, is incredibly subjective.

you can find past recs below:

February March

and if you have any recs of your own for me, PLEASE SHARE.

anyway, in no particular order, let's go!

~

A place you can never go by det395

Word Count: 84,596 Summary: When things don’t go according to plan, Hannibal makes a wish. He finds himself a year-and-a-half in the past and seemingly given another chance with Will. His feelings about the situation only get more complicated when he realizes he may not have completely lost access to his old timeline after all. A Digestivo canon divergence.

If you follow me, you probably saw me already raving about this fic. This was so fucking good, holy fucking shit. And also heartbreaking. Made me think a lot about the nature of reality and what does it mean for something to be "real." Plus, I really love fics that explore their shared mind palace because I genuinely think that is one of the more underexplored aspects of their relationship. Definitely heavy on the angst, but there is a happy ending!

even though our love is doomed by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 82,427 Summary: Hannibal solves the mystery of time travel and he and Will decide to go into the past and take opportunities previously missed along with rewriting the regrets they each hold. Changing the past does not effect the future and they have free reign to play as the please.

GIVE ME MORE THAN FIVE STARS PLEASE. I am obsessed with this fic. I've mostly stayed clear of time travel fics (aside from, you know, the one right above this) because the execution can be hit or miss, but let me fucking tell you. This was a god damn home run. There's a little bit of angst, but then there's also a chapter where Will challenges Hannibal that he wouldn't have been able to seduce him while Will was still working in Louisiana fixing boat motors. And obviously Hannibal decides to take that challenge.

Railroad Romance by OneWhoSitsWithTurtles

Word Count: 12,400 Summary: Hannibal is still Hannibal, and Will is still Will. Except Will is not part of the FBI and they meet on a two day train trip from New Orleans to Baltimore.

Dirty. Talk. In. FRENCH. Holy shit. Okay this was excellent. EXCELLENT. Perfect characterizations, and wonderful dialogue. Wow. Also, I love trains. Who doesn't love trains?

patroclus in furs by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 130,185 Summary: If Will and Hannibal hadn't gone into their respective careers, they would have become porn stars.

I had my doubts about a pornstar AU, but I've really enjoyed everything else by this author and it was over 100k, so I gave it a shot! And WOW. The characterizations of both Will and Hannibal were spot on and believable. A good mix of fluff and angst, and the author clearly put a lot of thought into the porn scenes. Tbh I'm probably going to reread this shortly.

Pavlova by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 33,369 Summary: It’s not like Hannibal didn’t know that Will was hiding something. It was after the third body drop a week ago that it became clear that Will had a secret that somehow involved the case, one he wasn’t willing to share yet, not even with Hannibal. At 6:43 AM, Will had texted Hannibal that a fourth body had been found and that he was on his way to the scene with Jack. At 8:06 PM, Will had stepped into Hannibal’s office, thirty-six minutes past his appointment time, and practically shouted “I used to be a stripper!” as loudly as his hoarse voice would allow him to. Hannibal Lecter, though not phased by much in life, has never been entirely able to predict Will Graham, but this is just… getting out of control. Alternatively, the FBI is hunting a serial killer targeting male strippers, and Will decides to throw himself into the fray. Hannibal is beyond pleased.

An AU where Will was a stripper in college and now he's working a case where he can be live bait as a stripper? Shut the fuck up. Mostly told from Hannibal's perspective, and it's just *chefs kiss*. Who knew Will giving Hannibal a lap dance would be so HOT. (I could have guessed.)

Lessons In Submission by wyldefire

Word Count: 5,173 Summary: Hannibal was stubborn, independent, and Will had always loved that about him, but there were times, times like these, in the midst of heat, in the midst of such a thorough breeding, when lessons in submission were necessary.

My only thought at the end of this was, "Shut the whole fuck up" in the best way possible. Smut. Just all smut.

A Very Special Guest by LesBeanBurrito

Word Count: 56,660 Summary: Season 1 AU in which Will stays for Hannibal’s dinner party after bringing the bottle of wine at the end of 1X07 Sorbet. Embarrassed and Sassy Will Graham meets Smitten Hannibal Lecter.

I LOVE a good season 1 AU and this was checking all of the boxes for me! There's a secret relationship, Hannibal actually gets Will treated for his encephalitis, Will finds out about Hannibal, etc. Very much loved the plot, and the characterizations were spot on.

lover to your nightmare (look what you made of me) by merrythoughts and ReallyMissCoffee

Word Count: 123,367 Summary: Driving back home, it’s then he reflects on Hannibal asking him to run away that night. To forgo their plans altogether, to slip away. [Canon divergent. Will confesses his betrayal and asks Hannibal to run away with him, but Will has a plan of his own...]

You want dark!Will mixed in with some incredibly jealous and possessive Hannigram? Hooo boy do I have a fic for you! The ending was a little abrupt, but it was the perfect mix of gut-wrenching angst and toxicity + smoking hot smut. I genuinely had to stop and focus on my breathing more than once.

On the Lam by shotgun_sinner

Word Count: 63,992 Summary: Post-Fall (Hannibal)season 4Crack Treated SeriouslyOn the RunWill Graham Discovers FanfictionExplicit Sexual Contentsexual identity crisisThat's Not Really A CrisisWill Graham is HannisexualMurder HusbandsHomophobiaMurder of a HomophobeHannibal Lecter Loves Will GrahamWill Graham Loves Hannibal LecterPower Bottom Will Grahamthey love each other your honorvery meta

This was such a fun read – I love the implication that hannigram fanfiction exists and it's all there for Will to accidentally discover. I adore this author and just thoroughly enjoyed how Will learned a thing or two about himself by reading smutty fics (same dude).

Golden Promises by shotgun_sinner

Word Count: 68,488 Summary: Hannibal (TV) Season/Series 01Alternate Universe - Canon DivergenceEpisode: s01e07 SorbetHallucinations?Will Hopes SoLELOplugSexuality CrisisThat Ends Up Not Being A CrisisWill Graham Has EncephalitisHannibal Gets Will TreatmentDeveloping RelationshipWill Graham's Dogs - FreeformBonding over fooddoting hannibalEventual SmutHannibal Lecter Loves Will GrahamWill Graham Loves Hannibal LecterAlana DisapprovesRimmingOral SexBottom Hannibal LecterTop Will GrahamBottom Will GrahamTop Hannibal LecterWill Graham KnowsNon-Consensual Drug UseWill Gives Him Shit For ItMurder HusbandsCannibalismis that tag even necessary?Hannibal Lecter Loves Max

This was fluffier than I typically read, but I told y'all I love this author. Pretty much no angst, and the smut, as always, was next level. Also, the idea that Hannibal would wear a solid gold butt plug to his dinner parties had me laughing before I even started reading.

What Hatches by HotMolasses (@snazzymolasses here on tumblr)

Word Count: 107,847 Summary: There is a village, nestled on the edge of an ancient forest where it is always winter. Few of the townsfolk ever venture into it, except for one lonely hunter named Will Graham. A loner who makes his living selling stag meat and spends more time with dogs than people, he finds his life changing when he comes face-to-face with a magical beast, one that he cannot get away from, and isn’t even sure he really wants to.

What started out as a curiosity about the monsterfucking tag on AO3 brought me to one of the most unique and interesting hannigram AUs I've read??? I'm as surprised as you are, if not more. I adored this fic and I loved how both Will and Hannibal were characterized and the plot and the smut (oh my god, the smut) and the ending? Phew. Go read this.

lay like a flood spills away by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 35,733 Summary: Will starts going to a nude beach that happens to be for gay men, even though he considers himself straight.

This was highly enjoyable. I LOVE AUs that manage to keep the characters true to canon. Also nude beaches. Hannigram and nude beaches. Eating ass and public sex with some actual plot sprinkled in. Say LESS.

Now, What Should We Do Next? by HigherMagic

Word Count: 51,116 Summary: Kinktober 2018

Smut. All smut. I showed this fic to a friend who has literally never read fanfiction, let alone Hannigram, before and she is now hooked. So. Do with that what you will. And it's so clear that this author has actual, real-life experience with kink and it comes across so well! Bonus point: there is also an equally good sequel.

To Mend With Gold by beforethedawn, ConstructFairytales, Destinyawakened

Word Count: 98,863 Summary: Will and Hannibal have been living as a gay married couple for three years, but they haven't slept in the same room let alone the same bed. Will Graham has a reckoning, one way or another.

THIS WAS TENDER. Fluffy, angsty, smutty, I loved it. Molly showed up with Will's dogs and decided she wasn't going to turn them in, which was a little weird, but I really loved this fic. Just them learning how to be with each other. Also EXCELLENT marathon smut scenes. Like yesssss, of course they can each cum like three times in a row.

A Clutch at Balance by Deverauxs_Disease

Word Count: 25,466 Summary: When Will Graham storms into Hannibal's house muttering about kissing Alana Bloom, the good doctor makes Will an offer: Pretend to date Hannibal in order to prove to Alana that Will is not only stable but capable of being in a relationship. When Alana is convinced Will is the man of her dreams, Hannibal will step aside and Will can get his girl.

Y'all know I love fake dating that all of a sudden, whoops! Isn't so fake anymore! Sprinkle in some jealous and possessive Hanni and Will? I'm sold. Say less.

~

And that's a wrap on this month! See ya next time!!!

[ilovedthestars]

there is no "just" friends. there is no "just" platonic. i am begging people to think about the implications of this phrasing, especially when talking about aromantic people or characters.

deep emotional connection is not exclusive to romance. if you act like it is, you are acting like aromantic people can never form a deep emotional connection with someone. i hope i do not need to tell you that that is incorrect. there is no sliding scale of commitment and intensity of a relationship with "platonic" at the low end and "romantic" at the high end. either type of relationship can be at any place on that spectrum. people can and do have platonic relationships that are more important to them than their romantic relationships, or no romantic relationships at all and only platonic relationships. (a lot of those people are aro.)

if two (or more) characters are in a deep but non-romantic relationship, and you call their relationship "more than platonic, but not quite romantic," you are suggesting that a platonic relationship cannot possibly involve deep emotion or commitment. i have also seen "queerplatonic" get used as if it means "more than platonic, but not quite romantic," which is not at all what queerplatonic relationships are. they are another type of relationship which can fall anywhere on the sliding scale of intensity. the distinctions between platonic, queerplatonic and romantic are somewhat affected by societal expectations but mostly defined by the people who are in the relationship. they have nothing to do with the intensity of emotion or commitment involved.

this is probably coming out more harsh than I intended it too, but I've seen multiple posts recently talking about Murderbot and ART's relationship as if it's some kind of special undefinable thing that's More Than Friendship, and it's so frustrating. please, think about what you are saying about aro people when you present friendship as something lesser. (also, think about what you're saying about your friends.)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I Be the Asshole if I date my FWB without telling them I am aromantic?

I (23F) am fwb with May (24F) May is bisexual and I am an aromantic allosexual lesbian. No one knows I am aromantic, I don’t plan on telling anyone.

Background: May and I have been friends for 2.5 years. We met in college through a mutual friend (Frank 23M) but we were never really close until the summer after graduation when she and her ex boyfriend broke up. Frank had been out of town but I was around and was there for May. About a month after they broke up May and I got a little drunk and May started talking about how she had realized she was bi when she was with her ex-boyfriend and she had never gotten to be with a girl. One thing led to another and we fucked. Since then we’ve hooked up with relative frequency, but mostly we just hang out with Frank as a trio. May and I obviously had the Conversation when we first started getting together but she had just broken up with her ex and didn’t want to start a new relationship.

Situation at hand: up until very recently I thought Frank had no idea about me and May. I guess he knows though! Because he told me that May has expressed to him wanting to be more than fwb with me, and he wants to solve our “useless lesbian drama” and just officially date. I basically told him that I had no idea May was into me romantically and that I would talk to her about what we are.

What I want judgement on: I like May! I think she’s fun and nice and pretty and has very good opinions on reality TV drama. However. I am aromantic, I don’t feel romantic attraction to her or anyone. I’m not romance repulsed though, I think dating and romance stuff is really fun. If I tell May I am aro, though, she will likely no longer want to date me

For May, dating me and dating an alloromantic person would be indistinguishable. For me, I would get to spend more time with a person I like, do fun dating stuff, and would move to being exclusive with her. This seems like it would benefit everyone, but I would not be telling her the full truth.

So WIBTA for dating her and not telling her I am aro?

P.S. by the time this has posted I will probably have already spoken to her but it will still be good to know.

[fanby-fckry]

You know what, I’m just gonna say it. I think that Alastor being aroace is part of the reason he’s so shippable to me.

Before you come at me, check the flag in my pfp; I’m aroace-spec.

Maybe it’s me projecting, maybe it’s because I love exploring relationships through an aroace lens, but goddamn. I ship him more than any other character and every time I do, his aroaceness is a major component in the ship.

Examples below the cut because it’s gonna get long:

📻🍎 || RadioApple:

There are so many versions of this dynamic and I am here for all of them.

We have the pre-canon kinky QPR that I show in UH3. I could talk about that all day, but to summarize:

Aroace x genuinely respectful allo is a dynamic that heals my soul.

Lucifer is less tied down by human constructs like amatonormativity, having never been human himself.

The Devil values consent.

Kinky cannibalism, kinky cannibalism, kinky cannibalism, kinky ca- *I am removed from the stage with a comically large hook*

Then we have the Evil and fucked up QPR dynamic:

And of course, trying to get along for Charlie’s sake and eventually bonding over their shared love of dad jokes and musical theatre, both being violinists (yup, Alastor plays violin too, check the wiki) with niche hobbies/interests (ducks, furby organ) and accidentally winding up in a loving, healthy QPR.

📻🕸️ || RadioDust:

There’s something about an aroace and a sex worker who very rarely falls in love.

Angel would know that Alastor isn’t with him for sex, would know that he values Angel beyond his body.

With greyro Alastor, Angel and Alastor would both be inexperienced with romance, but in wildly different ways. Angel has never had a healthy romantic relationship and therefor tries not to fall in love. Greyro Alastor has probably experienced romantic attraction like less than three times in his 100+ years of existence.

And if Alastor never gains romantic attraction for Angel, that’s a whole other level to the dynamic.

It’s got some great angst potential with Angel wondering if he’s not good enough to love romantically or Alastor feeling guilty or confused as to Why It Hasn’t Happened Yet when he cares for Angel so deeply, and eventually it gets resolved with the two of them accepting that their attractions don’t have to match up for them to love/appreciate/care for each other and they smash the amatonormative relationship hierarchy as queer platonic partners.

Or, Angel’s just totally cool with it from the start because he’s spent decades in the kink scene and has potentially been exposed to more relationship anarchy than Alastor.

Kink and queerness have a great deal of historical and cultural overlap, and that includes aroace queerness. Because Angel’s had way more canon exposure to both, it’s possible he knows more about Alastor’s orientation than Alastor does, and I love the idea of Angel introducing him to terms or just being super chill about not labeling things.

📻♥️ || RadioHusk:

Drawing like 90% from pilot dynamic and headcanon on this. They’re just two old men. They get drunk and cuddle. Alastor is one of the few people who knows Husk can purr and takes advantage of this fact. Alastor considers Husk a friend in a fucked up, possessive way. Husk considers Alastor a pain in the ass, but does care about him on some level.

It’s Fucked Up and Evil QPR: Remix Edition.

And the versions where the author puts them through fanfic couple’s therapy and actually gets them into a healthy point in their relationship? One where Alastor no longer owns Husk’s Soul? *chef’s kiss*

📻🌹 || RadioRose:

For me, personally, this is an exclusively nonsexual, non-romantic ship. They’re besties; they’re QPPs. They’re married for the tax benefits and so that they cannot be forced to testify against each other in court.

Rosie knew Alastor was aroace before he did and rather than sit down and explain it to him, she decided to make ace puns.

📻🖤 || RadioSiren: [edit, context here] RadioFemme

Ok, so this is entirely based on non-canon-compliant Lilith. Or, I guess, non-series-compliant Lilith. More of the old WOG stuff from the pilot era, with a healthy dose of headcanon for flavor.

I love the idea of Lilith and Lucifer having an open marriage; I love the UH3 style polycule dynamic.

Lilith being the original seductress and Alastor being aesthetically but not sexually or romantically attracted to her is very near and dear to my heart.

I’m an aroace with a voice kink who is aesthetically attracted to Lilith and I think Alastor is an aroace with a voice kink who would be aesthetically attracted to Lilith, ok?

📻📺 || RadioStatic:

I’m gonna be real with you, 90% of my interest in RadioStatic is in the one-sided version where Vox is a pathetic little incel simp and Alastor is either oblivious, mildly annoyed, or finds the whole thing hilarious.

Whenever there’s any reciprocation on Alastor’s part, I always imagine it being in a very aroace, very Alastor-esque way. He needs to be get something out of it completely unrelated to sex/romance. And he needs to be manipulative and sadistic in the process.

Whether that something is kink-related, a business transaction, or simply the quality entertainment provided by Vox being a cringefail TV-headed little bitch, I love to see it.

[onlymingyus]

Water (Patreon Exclusive)

pairing; yoon jeonghan x f reader

genre; smut (minors dni), angst, fluff/romance, crack

summary; being friends with benefits with jeonghan has never been what you thought it would but taking a trip to Paris with him and the rest of your friends while expecting to keep it a secret...that's something completely different.

warnings; eating/drinking, alcohol, mentions flying in a plane, inaccurate french, a bit of self deprecating thoughts and feelings, hiding a relationship, idiots in love, oral (f receiving), fingering, jealousy, crying (from pleasure and not), petnames, unprotected sex, cum on skin/creampie -- as always there might be a warning I am missing but do try.  

w/c; 19k and some change (1.2k this teaser)

a/n; as always I have to thank @onlyhuis for not only proofreading but also helping me with coming up with so many brilliant ideas. I also want to thank @wooahaeproductions for lending me her brilliant brain and offering so many beautiful ideas.

this fic is a Patreon Exclusive subscribe to my Patreon and click here

“I’ll try not to slobber on your shoulder.” 

You roll your eyes with a faint laugh at Mingyu’s words as he sits on your right in the aisle seat. The “fasten seatbelt” sign had just turned off and a quick glance at your phone told you that the plane had been in the air for about an hour. It was going to be a long 13 hour flight to Paris and while Mingyu was settling in to take a nap, you weren’t sure you were going to be following suit. 

Jeonghan purses his lips, watching you shift in your seat. You looked restless and he understood the feeling. While he felt like he could get up and take a walk along the aisle, beside him, Dokyeom was snuggled up against the window, watching a movie on the screen in front of him. 

Slipping out of his seat, Jeonghan leans to bump his hip against Mingyu, only to make the man groan, opening his eyes in annoyance. You were looking up at your friend curiously, your brows furrowed as he pursed his lips and jutted his thumb back over to where he had been sitting just a moment before. 

“Trade with me.” 

Confusion slowly spreads across Mingyu’s face as he looks from Jeonghan to you and back up at the other man. Lifting his brows, Jeonghan sighs and waves his hands as if trying to hurry Mingyu out of his seat, as if he were in the wrong spot, when clearly Mingyu had known he was supposed to sit beside you. 

“What? You serious?”

“The fuck, you mean, am I serious? I’m talking, aren’t I?” Letting out another sigh, Jeonghan gestures towards Dokyeom once again.” Gyu…Go sit beside Dokyeom and cuddle with him. Clearly, you both want to sleep and Y/N isn’t going to. I want someone to talk to.” 

Groaning, Mingyu looks back at you as you give him a soft, pouty smile, reaching up to pat his cheek as he begrudgingly gives up his spot to Jeonghan. Sliding past the smaller man, Mingyu narrows his eyes at him, only to get a smirk in return as Jeonghan slips into the seat with a happy sigh. 

Dokyeom glances over to Mingyu as he slumps down in the seat, pulling his blanket over his legs, as he watches Jeonghan look over at you with a grin on his face. There was something weird about what had just happened but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Shrugging, Mingyu glances towards the movie playing in front of Dokyeom as he leans his head to rest it on his friend’s shoulder, watching it on mute as his eyes get heavy. 

“Jeonghan…You are so full of shit.” 

Your words draw Jeonghan’s attention as he adjusts his seat, leaning it back to get more comfortable beside you. It was going to be a long ass flight but his traveling companion had just gotten exponentially more attractive. 

“Why? Did I lie?” 

Rolling your eyes, you glance away from Jeonghan and out of the window as he smiles at you. Yoon Jeonghan was one of your best friends. When the idea of going on this group trip to Paris came up, you weren’t sure if you wanted to go but it had been him who had talked you into it. There were plenty of reasons not to go but in his opinion, there were even more reasons to go. 

Your relationship with Jeonghan was complicated. It hadn’t started out that way. You had met him along with the rest of your friends in college. All of you were studying different things but at the end of the day, it was your personalities that had led you all together. 

Kim Mingyu had been the first friend that you had made and your gateway into the group. Many others had come and gone but by the end of four grueling years at university, there were fourteen of you that had stuck together and now ten of you are on a plane for a once in a lifetime vacation. 

When you don’t answer him right away, Jeonghan lets his eyes run along your neck and up to your pretty face. He had always had a harder time than some of the others when it came to keeping it platonic with you. Then, last Halloween, Jeonghan found out he wasn’t the only one struggling with that feeling. 

Maybe it had been the alcohol or maybe it had been all of the tension in the air but in a dark corner of Seungcheol’s apartment, you and Jeonghan had shared your first heated kiss. That kiss had turned into a long conversation the next day, which led to an even longer discussion about how neither one of you wanted to fuck up your friendship. 

“We will just have rules, Y/N.” 

You had sighed as Jeonghan had run his fingers along your jaw, tilting your head up so he could look at your face as he spoke. You hadn’t wanted to agree to the idea of being friends with benefits but the ache between your thighs every time you looked at him had been enough to keep you listening and to make your lips part as he had ran his thumb under your bottom lip. 

“If either one of us wants to stop, we just say it. No deep conversations have to happen. My only rule is that if you are going to fuck someone else, tell me. I don’t want to be second best.” 

Jeonghan had listened to you whining softly under your breath as his fingernails scratched along the side of your head at your hairline. He had known you wanted it as much as he did but what he didn’t know was that it was going to hurt you just as much as it was already hurting him. It seemed like such a simple solution to how he was feeling. He would get to have you in his life even more. He would get to fuck you as much as possible, but then you’d leave every single fucking time and it would start to hurt every single fucking time. 

Turning back towards Jeonghan as you feel his eyes moving along your skin, you fight the urge to move closer to him in your seat. You weren’t alone on the plane and your friends weren’t that far from you, with Mingyu and Dokyeom sitting diagonally across the aisle and Jihoon and Joshua behind you. 

“You could have kept Dokyeom awake to talk.” 

Smirking, Jeonghan purses his lips as he moves to lean across you, pulling down the shade on the window, leaving you and him both veiled in the low light of the cabin. You sigh as you feel his fingers slide along your forearm to your wrist, his fingernails causing chillbumps to spread along your skin as he draws small circles on your skin. 

“I don’t want to talk to Dokyeom, I want to talk to you.” 

Sighing softly, you glance down at your hand as Jeonghan runs his fingers along yours before linking his hand with yours. You knew the light was dim enough that no one would see and that if anyone did, they probably wouldn’t ask too many questions because Jeonghan was just a touchy guy to begin with. What you didn’t know was why your heart was in your throat. You didn’t know why your friend with benefits even wanted to hold your hand in the first place. 

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[whimsicalwritingsandmore]

Marigold | ateez x reader

Pairing: college!ateez x college!reader

Genre: college, slice of life, romance, poly

Word Count: 1251 words

Summary: After your friend ditches you to become roommates with a rich group of kids in order to live in the Magnolia Apartments, you find yourself alone for your master's program. Never fear though, a long-lost friend has a room available and eight new faces might just make it much more memorable. 

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You weren't mad, just disappointed.

Your friend sat across from you, looking around everywhere but at you while you stared at her with an unamused expression as you took a long sip of your drink.

To be frank, you were a very understanding person. If she didn't want to be roommates then all she had to do was say so. Instead, she tiptoed around with another group of individuals who for some reason, did not like the best bone in your body. In your mind, you could only imagine the conversations she may have taken part in about you. 

The group was none other than an obnoxious bunch of former acquaintances who belonged to a particular tax bracket which afforded them the luxury of being able to live in the Magnolia apartment complex — the most prestigious residence near your university.

The property was a newly constructed, high-rise towering skyscraper with a shiny contemporary design. It was modelled out of excessive but opulent marble and ostentatious gold-plated fixtures, and was sprawled across a large-scale acreage with towering columns and numerous balconies overlooking the city. The entrance was beautifully decorated with a manicured garden and had an imposing entryway that was the epitome of an exclusive lifestyle that only some could afford. 

And you had a little secret…you were part of the some that could afford to live there. But you preferred not to and so, you never told your friend and hoped you would never have to.

But now here you are. You were going to end your friendship with her because you knew there was no way they would let her in if she only said nice things about you. And your friend wasn’t the most loyal person when it came to friendships.

"You should've just told me," you remarked, "It's not a big deal if you don't want to share a space."

"Well…” she answered, “I didn't know how you would react. After all, you lied about being able to afford staying there anyway." 

You grimaced and shook your head. There it was. 

"I admit I did lie, but what's the big deal staying there anyway? Does it matter where we stay? The master’s program is just two-years long."

"Yes! We had an opportunity to stay in the Magnolia apartments! Why wouldn't you want that??" 

"It's just an apartment building - luxurious and beautiful, sure, but it's not the end of the world if we don't."

"It is to me. I always wanted to stay there ever since they finished it and you knew that. And yet, you never decided to tell me that we could stay there."

"For good reason. I'm sorry for not telling you but it's not something I wanted to talk about."

"Am I not your friend?? Literally, how could you be so selfish?"

You scrutinised her with a blank expression. Selfish, a very interesting word choice coming from her. It was quite ironic that the embodiment of selfishness was calling you selfish. You planned on walking away from this calmly but that was no longer possible.

"Here's the thing," you vocalised, sipping your drink, "You could afford to stay there, can't you? But your parents refused because you selfishly and greedily usurped your trust fund to ridiculously splurge and waste it on unnecessary things. And then, you took, no, stole your brother's rainy day savings, to pay back the credit card debt you owed because your parents refused to pay for it. So now, you expect someone to pick up the pieces and help you out in maintaining your rich image, and you expect it to be me because I'm your friend?"

Your friend stayed quiet as you hit her with the harsh truth.

"That's all you ever expected from me. And the only reason why I agreed for us to be roommates was because your parents begged my mom since they can't trust you to not do stupid things."

"What are you trying—"

"What I'm trying to say is,” you interrupted, “You messed up your own opportunity at staying in the Magnolia on your own. You’re lucky your parents even considered paying your tuition. I have no interest in staying there and I won't be, and since you decided to become buddy-buddy with the most annoying group in this whole university, go along and join them, just remember don't come to me when they toss you to the side of the curb."

You got up from your seat and paid only for your drinks. 

"Have a nice life." You announced dryly before walking away.

-

It had been a few days since the confrontation and you spent most of the time touring apartments. Your mom mentioned that your friend had already moved into the Magnolia with the group the day after you two had it out.

You weren't surprised to say the least.

But you were surprised by the lack of apartment complexes near university. Some were...concerning to say the least, and any promising ones were about a 15-20 minute walk to campus. You weighed your options and considered the good cardio you could get out of it. But the idea of walking during the blistering sunny days and the colder months made it unappealing very quickly.

However, just when you thought all hope was lost, your saving grace in the form of an old school friend walked through the café door one Friday afternoon.

While mindlessly circling possible apartments at the back of the café, you didn't notice a tall figure approaching you.

"Y/N?"

You jumped in surprise at the voice.

"Song?"

Lucas Song was a longtime friend from high school who shared the same computer period as you and was your partner in every assignment. He is trustworthy and dependable, and moved cities to pursue a course in Computer Studies which the university didn’t offer.

“It’s been a long time! How are you?”

As you engaged in small-talk, you happened to mention your current situation on a whim, not thinking much of it as you conversed. Immediately, Lucas happily jumped at the idea of showing you a room in his parents' apartment complex the Marigold.

The Marigold didn't compete with the Magnolia, it was an older complex that had been around for the last 15 years and was once known as the cosy, homely safe haven near campus. You completely forgot about its existence because its structure was compact and slightly-worn down, with the paint peeling slightly and the bleak garden of wilting roses and hydrangeas making it easy to pass straight. Not to mention, it always looked like it was under construction with huge piles of sand and gravel, and numerous bags of cement scattered nearby the entrance.

But you trusted Lucas and agreed to a viewing. And it was probably the best decision you made because you were mesmerised by the beautiful interior. The rooms were cosy, quaint and efficient with a communal living room area. Lucas conveyed that you would have to share the kitchen and living room with a few others. You weren’t opposed to it so promptly, you signed the lease. 

But maybe you should have asked about your other roommates and how many of them there were. 

Because on moving day, as you strolled in with your luggage into the living room, you were abruptly greeted by eight persons - all boys, some of them with their hair dishevelled and only in their underwear...while the others were covered in flour gaping at you with a shocked expression.

[kaelidascope]

In light of some dirty laundry found, I'd like to set the record straight about a threat that was made against me and my work

Since I'm being accused of stealing or copying a roleplay that was done between 2021-2022, here's the facts. The roleplay started with a concept that I had made about a magic college school for another roleplay that never went anywhere and was then repurposed for this one with a new partner. The question was popped on 2/23/21 and we began on 2/25/21.

It lasted the span of a little over a year and went through several rounds of development, a few attempted rewrites, and a spin off sequel revolving their kids. It was a good split between actually roleplaying the characters and also just hours upon hours of talking/plotting as one does. Usual exchanges between creators. We never posted the roleplay publicly anywhere, so it was never officially 'published', nor were any legal steps taken to get rights reserved. I'm fairly certain a discussion happened once about turning it into a book but both parties were not on the same page so it never went anywhere. We did ofc share it with close friends and just talked about it in general.

I also drew quite a bit of art for it, and we both collectively commissioned better artists for art for the characters as well. I did not put in nearly as much money as my roleplay partner did, but I did most of the concept art to provide as reference.

After the friendship ended and the roleplay was put to rest, I pulled the OCs that I had exclusively made to start working on a new concept. I had no intention of using anything that wasn't mine. The new concept was entirely removed from it's original source, meaning different setting, different characters, different everything. It was just repurposed OCs that had new backstories and purposes and new ones that I had made to replace characters I didn't own. However, despite the change, I was threatened with a Cease and Desist form pulled off Google by my previous roleplay partner because I made a vague tweet showing progress of the reworked characters (Rowen, who was in the original roleplay, and her love interest, Lyra, that was meant to be a replacement design for a character I did not own). Lyra shared a physical likeness to the original character, Emi, that was owned and played by my roleplay partner that they designed using an AI generator and then I later drew concepts for [white complexion, black hair, blue eyes]. I took it down as requested, sent it back to the workshop, consulted several professionals to make sure any likeness was scrubbed away, and put it on the back burner for further development so I could be left in peace.

I made this disclaimer post back in December 2023 about any likeness my own OCs would share in future projects and their affiliated partners on twitter. At the time, the names and designs were still being changed so Rowen Santiago was a placeholder while I was waiting to hear back from legal advice. I never said I was taking what was originally written and publishing it 'as is'. I'm allowed to use my original character designs for different purposes.

Ultimately, I came to the decision after a lengthy back and forth to scrap my own OCs original personality and design and start from scratch. Only a few things survived that can have lines drawn between the original roleplay design and the new story concept [the magic collar, werewolfism, Hispanic descent, wolf eyes] but that's nothing new. I have a lot of werewolf OCs. I've got an entire series dedicated to werewolf OCs. The new story concept is more military and racism based set in a fantasy dystopian universe than a magical school romance trope set in English Europe. The new story isn't even set on Earth, it's so far removed from where the original design came from it's not even remotely close to this roleplay. The kind of prose and worldbuilding featured in this new work is similar to the fanfiction I already write and am known for [The new world building will be somewhat similar to a setting I already made as far as fantasy science themes go. See Midnight Menagerie]. I also have several designs that look similar to each other (see MM Blake and Tessa for example. Same hairstyle. And MM Yang's entire physique was scraped from Rowen's whole vibe) though I can say my art style is improving enough to where I don't suffer from same face syndrome anymore (at least I hope!). All my bases were covered, everything was a brand new start over and nothing from the original roleplay was touched.

Well, even after a whole year and a half later post cut-off and small meltdown, it's apparently still living in their head rent-free that I am stealing their work and threats are still being made both anonymously and by name!

So I'll tell y'all what, for anybody who's curious, go ahead and have full access of all the notes and docs that I supposedly 'stole' and you tell me if my future works are stealing lol since you wanna wave it around like it's a big scary threat to get me any time I draw sapphic content that isn't fanart. The only things I will not include on this post is the commissioned work because I don't know who originally did them and therefor I'm not sure what their reposting terms are

Anything listed as [NOT ME] was not written by me. Otherwise everything else is either by me or was collaborated on (like the roleplay exchanges)

Misc Docs

Rowemi timeline 2.0

Figure Skating Practice

Emi/Lauren Relationship Notes

Pregnancy Arc Notes

Project Blackbird Notes

Worldbuilding Notes

Rowen Build Sheet

Rowen Notes

Emi Build Sheet (NOT ME)

Emi/Mom Relationship Notes (NOT ME)

Rewrite Docs

Prologue

Episode I

Shorts

William's Lament

Another Secret in the Pile

Rowen's Invitation

The Meeting (NOT ME)

The Hospital Visit (NOT ME)

Simon's Suggestion (NOT ME)

The Date (NOT ME)

Original Roleplay Docs

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 4.5

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Artwork Done By Me

Genuinely I'm not sure what y'all hope to accomplish by obsessively sending me hate mail and empty threats like I'm supposed to care and be effected by it. I haven't even looked at it since I quit Deviantart lol it has nothing to do with my current projects and it died when I cut you off. You never even knew what the new novel project was about, so you really had no grounds to threaten me with that email or the anonymous inbox submissions. You also slipped up and sent one with your actual user after I turned that off, that's how I figured out you were still obsessed with me after all this time. I encourage you to do something with your ideas someday. While you weren't the healthiest friendship I've ever had, the roleplay was fun to engage in. Maybe working on something new will bring you the peace of mind you're looking for and help you move on.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Don't read this. You've been warned.

SO THIS IS WHAT MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCKING DEPRIVE THE FEMALE LEAD OF SCREENTIME OVER THIS NEW COMPLETELY FUCKING UNNECESSARY CHARACTER LIKE THIS MPDG

Full article in the RB notes

AFTER THIS:

IF YOU WANTED TO SHOW US WHAT HIS PERSONAL LIFE LOOKED LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP HE NEEDED TO FUCKING ATTEMPT WAS NOT OUTSIDE WORK!!! FUCK YOU, ALL! YOU TOO, CALO!

HACKS'LOVE STORY IS PERFECTLY WRITTEN AND THE FANS ARE NEVER GASLIGHTED, THEIR INTELLIGENCE IS NOT INSULTED ON A PERMANENT BASIS. THEY ARE NOT SPOONFED EITHER, THE BALANCE EXISTS AND YOU COULDN'T FUCKING WRITE IT, YOU WENT FOR THE FUCKING CLICHÉ INSTEAD:

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED:

And don't get me wrong, I ADORE JEAN, I LOVE HACKS and I even have a blog exclusively dedicated to that show I am a fan of, so having watched all 3 seasons and believing in it from day 1, IK exactly what I'm talking about. Lucia is nailing the love story because she has the ovaries to tell it, and doesn't use her writing, direction, and executive production efforts to gaslight those who tune in to see how Deborah & Ava's love story unfold. She even writes other characters who play love interests for both but does not string that along, it has a beginning a middle, and an end because she ALWAYS SUPPORTS THE ENDGAME COUPLE NARRATIVE, SHE DOESN'T TRY TO PUSH ANOTHER BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHY THE AUDIENCE TUNES IN AND RESPECTS THAT.

And I don't think that at this point I have to make a stronger case about how much I fucking worship Sydney Adamu and will always defend her, but hey! being truthful, objective, and realistic is MY way of protecting her. Unpopular opinion? Maybe. Do I give a fuck? HAHAAAAAAAAAA GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

So, Deborah's character is a lot more complex than Sydney's.

Deborah re-discovers her sexuality and re-defines herself as she falls in love with a subordinate and rebuilds her career after everyone left her for dead in the dust of it, and turns a cancelation around at the age of 100 years old in a world that is no longer the world she knew and made her bitch, which made her filthy rich but also cost her EVERYTHING.

Sydney, on the other hand, is this nuanced character, with a dead mom we know NOTHING ABOUT, a potentially recovered alcoholic father we know nothing about either, a past we know almost nothing about, a love life and sexuality we can guess but WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT EITHER, with a "platonic romance with a white boy who gave her his life long dream and heart on a fucking plate" THAT NO ONE WANTS TO FUCKING EXPLORE BECAUSE THEY TRY TO SHOVE THIS MPDG WHITE GIRL CHARACTER DOWN OUR FUCKING THROATS and a bunch of other motherfucking layers that remain completely unwritten and off-screen. No screen time whatsoever for character development in S2 for Sydney, BUT THIS ONE? I EVEN HAD TO PUT UP WITH HER MOTHERFUCKING ASS!!!

So summing up: This award was taken from Ayo, not won by Jean, because Jean had a whole team having her back, Ayo was RELEGATED BY HER OWN TEAM TO PRIORITIZE A FUCKING MPDG UNNECESSARY WHITE CHARACTER, AND IF I COULD FUCKING SUE THE RESPONSIBLE ONES, FOR THIS, I 10000% WOULD.

FUCK YOU, ALL AT DISNEY WHO LET THIS HAPPEN AND DON'T EVEN GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON S3, THE NEXT AWARD SEASON WILL BE EVEN WORSE BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN LOUD AND CLEAR FOR 2 FUCKING YEARS NOW, BUT STORER AND APPARENTLY DISNEY DON'T FUCKING LISTEN AND THEN THIS HAPPENS:

[justplainwhump]

Just A Fling: Question

[Just A Fling]... - or is it? Peyton tests the waters.

(Peyton and Valerian belong to @wildfaewhump, and they killed me with this idea that haunted me)

Content: no warnings; just serious talking during (non-explicit) consensual sex. Complicated relationship dynamics, extra-marital affair.

"Would you marry me?"

It's the worst possible moment to push Peyton off of her.

He's on top, doing that thing he does, where he angles his hips, and everything around Dany dissolves into bliss.

Usually.

That question does not dissolve.

"Fuck," she hisses, hands up against his chest to stop him from going on.

He slows down, catching one of her wrists with his hand and kissing the inside of her arm instead.

"Stop it," she says. Her voice is softer than the turmoil in her chest. She withdraws her arm and pushes herself back.

"Was I not good?", he asks with the cheeky grin that betrays he knows it's not that. He knows that he's good. He's the best she's ever had.

"You're married, Peyton."

"I said would. Hypothetically."

"Would I hypothetically marry you? In what world would that be?"

He leans down to press a tender kiss on her collarbone. His forehead rest against her skin for a moment, soft and warm. "I could get a divorce."

The wetness on her thighs feels uncomfortably cool. She shuffles uneasily. "We're not like that, Peyton. I thought we'd established that. I - I am not like that."

"Valerian could take the pets."

She closes her eyes, tiredly. "It's not about the pets."

"Is it about me?"

She looks up again, stares into his light green eyes, the speckles of gold and brown. There's something serious hidden in his frown, something earnest, something she thinks she's never seen.

"I could -"

She stops him with two fingers on his lips, before he says anything stupid. 'Change.' 'Be better.'

Could he, though?, a part of her wonders. Could she?

"I don't do romance, Peyton. I don't swing that way. I wouldn't get married for love. Not even hypothetically."

The pause isn't long. Two heartbeats. Maybe three, before he blinks, his frown smoothing out, a familiar grin creeping back on his lips.

"For money, then?" He kisses her sternum. "For power? We could rule the world together." More kisses, a soft trail down her stomach. She groans, as he easily reignites her arousal. His hands are on her hips, his breath on her thighs. "Or maybe just for an exclusive claim on the best sex you could ever imagine?"

There's a snide comment on her lips, about faithfulness and loyalty, but she holds back. It's not about that.

She angles her hips, one hand reaching for his head, fingers running through his dark hair.

"Shut up," she says. "Stop talking. There's better uses for your mouth right now."

His eyes sparkle with amused excitement. She tells herself that's all she saw in them, before his head dips down between her legs and his tongue sends her back to that bliss.

It's all that's meant to be. It's enough.

[thatbadadvice]

Help! The Woman I Have Been Stalking for Years Is Disinclined to Engage With Me

Carolyn Hax, WaPo, 1 June 2023 (originally 11 March 2009):

Dear Carolyn: About five years ago, I began to realize that a woman I dated 25 years earlier was someone I had stronger feelings for than I was mature enough to appreciate at the time. I had questions for her about why we hadn’t blossomed into the kind of relationship I now think we both believe we were destined for. In the past five years, I’ve continued to have those questions, then dreams, etc., which led me to do a paid search for her address. I wrote her twice and left a voice mail. My messages have been about old friends I bumped into who reminded me of her, what I’ve been doing and how I’d like to hear from her. That is, nothing too serious or about what’s been on my mind. I haven’t received an answer. I’ve thought through the reasons she hasn’t corresponded, and why I needed to talk with her, and am still at a loss. Would asking her my questions directly in a letter be a way to coax her to reconnect? Telling her that, apart from this midlife crisis of mine, I’m happily married and successful, and that all I want are answers? -- A 30-year-old question

Dear 30-Year-Old Question,

One might expect a happily married person to do all kinds of things, but topmost among them is paying to find the contact information of an ex-girlfriend and sending said ex-girlfriend multiple unanswered messages, repeatedly and through a variety of means, over the course of many years in the hopes of deceiving her into heady conversations about the details of your long-ended relationship. Yes indeed, when the Bad Advisor thinks of "normal stuff a person who's very happy in their marriage would do," her mind immediately goes to "pretending to ask innocuous questions about old friends in the hope that a woman I dated 30 years ago believes I am solely and only asking her innocent questions about old friends, when in fact I am explicitly and admittedly not."

Women are famously unable to clock the intentions of men, who are very clever, extremely stealthy, and never creepy or dangerous to the extent that they would unsettle people from whom they have demanded interaction and who have time and time again ignored them. Probably this woman received your incredibly blasé letters and voicemail and thought: "Gosh, it seems like this dude who deuced out on me three decades ago is trying to rope me into responding to him multiple times despite my obvious disinclination to engage only and exclusively on the subject of our old friends, what a boring conversation, I shan't respond unless he sends me a lengthy bit of written correspondence detailing his many thoughts and feelings about how our romance ended, I simply can't imagine having a conversation with him unless I know for absolute certain he wants to rehash what happened between us, which is the only possible way I could fathom entertaining such a reconnection, one which I would never have reason to pursue otherwise, as I am so desperately in love with him and have been lo these 30 years but could not in good conscience find a way to broach the subject unless he sends me just one more letter finally making his bonerful intentions plain, that sly dog."

Might you have neglected to include a return address on the previous correspondence about which you were extremely desperate, but in a very casual way, to receive a response? Does your ex-girlfriend own the only cellular telephone on earth that does not log the return-call number of people who leave voicemails? Mayhap she simply does not know how to contact you after multiple attempts over half a decade! These are highly probable reasons she has not sought you out! Vastly more likely than the fact that she sees entirely the fuck through your pretenses and wants nothing to do with you whatsoever.

If you wish to receive a concrete answer about the status of your relationships, your best hope is to CC your spouse on any future correspondence. I think you can expect a prompt response.

[h0mocodes]

H 0 M O C O D E S 🌙

I figured I would talk a little about my life experiences beyond the spam posting of gifs ✨There is person with a story to tell 😭

My name is Dhyrek Grigorieva. Most just call me Derek. My partner thinks it's funny to mispronounce my name or call me comrade Zady 🤨 I'm 45 years old and I work as an administrator for CMS/SSA at a local hospital. I enjoy cookery (more specifically paleo/keto based), weightlifting & writing. I actually have four novels I am working on 😊

A lesser Evil which was a novel length witcher fan fic that I have removed all the copywritten stuff from & did a complete re-write.

Halycon is a classic cyberpunk series.

Quillington is a male queer Lovecraftian horror romance. It is written exclusively in Polari which was an English Pidgeon language used by gay men in Victorian/Edwardian period.

The Abysmal Horncall is Dracula but from the perfective of Draculas' wives.

I am also a musician. I make sample based lofi/cloud rap/vaporbient or drone noise music under the name h0mocides.

Music | h0mocides (bandcamp.com)

I'm creative but can also be very a bit standoffish with most people. I'm in decent shape; Average-height with olive skin, naturally dark auburn hair but the light makes it look darker with blue-gray eyes. I'm Serbian, well, to be specific my mother's side of the family are Bosnian and Balkan Jews who settled in Serbia. My father's family were from Hungary that came to work the molybdenum mines in Serbia. My extended family are Sicilian, Turkish and Hawaiian but I never met them. I grew up in a working-class neighborhood. I was raised by my mother; my father having left when I was young. I had a brother who killed himself about 2 decades ago. I have one stepbrother and two stepsisters; The sisters I have met twice. I feel like that was enough 🙄 My stepbrother is pedophile that made me sexual advances towards me, and I feel to some degree is a reason why I struggle with internalized homophobia. My stepfather...How do I describe him:

Well, insane but there's a bit more there to pick apart...

He believes in the great replacement theory

He believes that Jews are at the center of controlling the world bank (he doesn't see us as Jews because we don't present as he puts it 'New Yorker Jews')

He believes that America should not be a democracy but rather a Libertarian based theocracy

He believes in a strange Venn diagram where non heterosexual sex/gender meets with pedophilia and bestiality.

He supports project 25 and says there is no place in the modern age for faggots, embryo murders or California styled Bolsheviks.

He believes that the president is representative of God's will and no other religion than Jesus has a place in this great country.

So, simply put we don't see eye-to-eye. When my stepbrother was convicted of child sexual assault, he went off the deep end and then Trump appeared. I should note had it not been for a blood clot we later found out from text messages he fully planed on going to the J-6 rally to 'save America.' Won't shock you but he also is fatphobic and racist. The aforementioned was something he used to bully me about a lot which is why I yo-yo in-between BED and AFRID.

When I was 14 years old, we left Serbia because of the Bosnian War. Lived in Germany and the UK for a year. I loved living in the UK, but our solicitors fucked up and we were shipped to Canada but sadly they were over capacity for immigrants, and we were sent to Anchorage, Alaska while our claim was processed. We got citizenship and lived in Isla Vista, California, Yuma, Arizona and later Aurora, Colorado. That's where the rest of my mother's family is and I will post about it another time, but for obvious reasons I have nothing to do with them. My mother met her husband, and his family was from Tennessee; I lived here from 17-25 and then left for New York after series of bad events; Friends overdosing, physical abuse from my stepfather, etc. So, before the pandemic I was living in Floral Park, NY. I won't lie I was doing sex work, DJing and Mobile Messenger Service (those are the guys on bikes delivering documents to corps in NY). Then my mom got very sick. My lease was up so I decided to move back home briefly to take care of her. The intent was to move back to NY or CA but it didn't pan out that way. I actually almost moved to CA but that too is a post for another time. We found out what she had would later be called Covid related Tapia syndrome and Covid induced AFIB.

Within 5 days of arriving New York was shut down; I was rather lucky. I lived there from DEC 2019-MAR 2023. Sadly, my step and I had been on a long slow burn over issues with me accusing him of stealing money from my savings, creating credit cards in my name, stealing and destroying my personal effects and his issues with my religion (Rodnovery, or Slavic Native Faith), my clothing (apparently it looked 'too gay') and how I was flaunting the faggot shit. I will not make this already long ass entry long but just summarize. He attacked me and tried to kill me. Police were involved and watched until I safely got my stuff. My mother was beyond traumatized but I needed to leave for my safety, and I didn't want the stress to further impact her health. From March until August I was completely homeless without work or money living out of my SUV (mom was paying for it and buying me food secretly) under a bridge. I was talking to my new life partner, and I ran into my ex-boyfriend, Cory, who had me move in with him. Shortly later, Stephen and I went from boyfriends to partners and were in a position to move in together. I will say I love with living with him (despite the differences in our daily routines and our approach existing) but Christ on a stick I 🤬 hate Preakness apartments with unbridled passion lol 😖It has been interesting for two in love gay boys, one autistic with C-PTSD and the other with ADDHD moving in together building a life.

Sadly, the experiences of seeing murders, rapes, drug culture and gang violence along with my experiences throughout my life had a deeper impact that I realized. It was during that time I lived off of credit cards and recently the creditors have become particularly aggressive with litigation, but I am lucky that most have been charged off and I'm now with CCCS of Chattanooga which is helping me get back on track. I am pending 2 accounts to be added, on Oct. 4th I am going to court to see if one can be forgiven and 1 is with another agency so I am honestly making an attempt to fix my life and now that I am with a brilliant and loving man I feel hopeful but at the same time living in this Trump age is making us both consider our options. Japan, Scotland or Canada is on our short lists and we're going to Japan from Oct. 25th-Nov 15th so it's definitely a possibly. What a strange age to live in. Also, we're going to move out of Antioch in March as I literally hate this city 🖕 We have a few tours set up with nearby complexes at Tusculum, Stewart Ferry, Piccadilly and Heron Pointe.

Anyways, here's a survey to get to know me 💀❤️

Hobbies - I like Papier-mâché, Candle making and Walking

Have you ever collected anything? What was it? Yes, I collect enamel/button pins, vinyl stickers, vinyl's/cassette's.

How many relationships have you been in? 6-8, I think.

Turn ons - Confidence, Needing Me, Trust, independence

Turn offs - Ego, being the 'bitchy gay'

Favorite food - Riced Cauliflower Onigiri and ika sashimi

Favorite drink - Macha Latte and Water

Are you optimistic or pessimistic? Neither... I ama realist.

What is the most expensive thing you own? PS5, Gucci Shoes and SUV.

What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own? knock off Plushes from China and maybe...my Tamagotchi lol

Text or call? Text...call if it is an emergency or our first time talking.

What is your definition of success? Being happy. Periodt.

Favorite song? VØJ, Narvent, KoruSe - Euphoria

Favorite artist? Yoshitaka Amano

Favorite flower? Chrysanthemums, Mushrooms & Ghost Flowers

What is the best gift you could receive right now? A kiss from Stephen

Do you like anime? Yes, but only 80s/90s magical girl, horror and cyberpunk. I absolutely hate harem, Isekai and mecha.

What was the name of the last book you read? Vampire Hunter D Volume 29: Noble Front

Do you believe world peace will ever exist? No, conflict and dominance is part of the human condition unfortunately.

Do you have any allergies? Onions, Dairy and gluten.

If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be? Stephen, Toby, My mom, Stephen's mom and best friend, Bree!

How many countries have you visited? 10 (Japan, South Korea, China, Iceland, Germany, UK, Canada, USA, Russia and Italy)

Do you consider yourself mature? LOL....No.

What is your favorite quote? “Transient guests are we.” ― Hideyuki Kikuchi

If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world. If mythical I would love to live in Shangri-La, Toussaint from the witcher or maybe Night City from Cyberpunk 2077. IRL - maybe France or Portugal.

What were you like in 2013? A junkie. A Miss. I don't miss her.

If you could change one thing about society, what would it be? Get rid of all this MAGA bullshit.

Are you LGBT? Yes, Gay/Top.

What is the funniest joke you have ever been told? How does Darth Vader like his bagels? On the dark side.

What is your favorite animal? Narwhals, Cats and Goats.

What is one thing that everyone is bad at? Remembering shit.

What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get? 9-10. Maybe 6-7.

What is your favorite clothing store? Vapor95 and Incerun.

If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you, do it? First, it would be Donald Trump and hell yes, I would.

What do you fear the most? Losing Stephen. He's my heart.

If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be? 2009. Would've kept clean and dumped Michael. He ruined so much for me.

What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen? RNC causing Grindr to crash lol.

What is something you will never forget? Grace and Compassion.

Is it harder to love or to hate somebody? I will say this quote ....Doug, you think killing is hard, huh? You wait in the bushes, the animal might outrun you or charge you. It's not easy to get your shot, hm? Try healing something. That is hard. That requires patience. You can break something in two seconds. But it can take forever to fix it. A lifetime, generations. That's why we have to be careful on this earth and gentle.

Coffee or tea? Both. Honestly.

[galedekarios]

seeing @mercymaker's own post about the "apology" made me feel confident enough to air my own feelings about it now that i have had a night to think it over and not internalise it anymore.

i'm not going to further belabour the point again how this "apology" is not an apology at all, but a statement where he doubles down on everything, omitting important facts, twisting truths, dancing around the issue at heart, and so much more.

it's frankly exhausting at this point.

i want to address one thing specifically however since he thought it was prudent to dedicate an entire paragraph to it in his "apology".

the fact that he wrote this:

"Truthfully I am not sure when or if I’ll begin creating again but I will continue to ask for permission to credit/use someone’s works if I feel like I’m inspired like I honestly had been doing following the late March situation. I do not expect any forgiveness or positive reactions to come out of this tbh, I just know an apology was warranted and deserved. This time I’m actually taking a step back to evaluate it."

after he just said this:

"To one gifset in particular, the hands set, that gifset was honestly a pure coincidence/accident. I truthfully had no idea that the blog had done something similar first. Hands are a common theme in Gales romance that I picked up on and I had no idea a similar set was done prior. I can say this about other sets too but it was this one in particular that I can honestly say was an honest coincidence/accident. And I couldn’t have known that those scenes/themes bore any special significance to that blog. Also I want to acknowledge I was never seeking “mutualship” but more so I enjoyed them as a creator and most likely had tumblr technical issues. I’m sorry if my actions ever made you feel unsafe, that’s the last thing I’d want to make someone feel :/"

it's just... absolutely vile to me.

first off, i have to ask: which is it? are you "apologising" or are you still trying to pretend that the concepts gifs i created and you stole are "common" things that you "picked up on" and "had no idea a similar set was done prior", which you could "say about other sets too"?

i'm confused at this point...

i'm being facetious here. i'm not. he's not sorry. he's sorry he got caught. again. and that, this time, it reached other parts of the fandom that it previously didn't, where he couldn't lie anymore about how all of this is just a case of people bullying him, of people being exclusive and clique-y.

i don't understand why he singled that set out in his "apology", however, other than that he must know by at this point that it's the one gifset that most upset me. not only because he stole it twice, but because it is so meaningful to me.

so... let's look at the facts here:

he followed me from early on, ever since my blog got traction in the bg3 fandom after the full release of the game

he engaged with me via messages and comments at around this time

there was no talk abt this theme specifically in relation to gale until after my meta and gifset gained traction, despite being a set containing an original character, which generally does worse in terms of engagement

he stole several other of my concept gifsets that i posted around this period in time (gale + missing waterdeep, gale + saying i love you, gale of waterdeep vs gale dekarios, one of my oc compilation sets)

he contacted me to remake a gifset in particular that was an older set as well, just like the hands set

i showed side by comparisons in my original post (same scenes, same frames, same framing, same caption) and it was so blatant to the point of where several people reached out to me, confused if the copy is actually my set or reblogging it, thinking it was mine

i think it's pretty obvious what actually happened, considering the context and, to be honest, at this point i don't think even he believes his own lies anymore.

all i can say is that this was not about apologising - none of this was - it was about trying to save face and doubling down.

[rudymentari]

undefined

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle animatic time....

rant/explanation under the readmore⬇️

This is technically part of my au but I think it works just fine with canon So part of the upcoming rant is going to be AU exclusive stuff and part of it is just how I see canon and I am not going to tell you which 

This is about Donatello's relationships with the humans he's known but it's also partially about Donnie's high and specific expectations of romance which he projects onto April in a sort of unhealthy way and which is later [hinted at being] turned completely on its head when. Casey and ensuing Bi Crisis 

Also I just think the whole thing with Timothy was incredibly sad and nobody ever talks about it

Okay so Donnie grows up with no human interaction and has never so much as seen anyone in a relationship before so he gets all he knows from old romance movies and books, which he only indulges in in private bc he knows his brothers would make fun of him for being so invested in it. So he has these very specific expectations for romance, and plans for his future that are mostly fantastical because he knows he is still just a mutant turtle living in the sewers. But when he meets April he’s like all my dreams are coming true :D. They aren’t, of course, and Donnie is just kind of overbearing and weird for a little bit until he learns to tone it down. Casey is a whole other story though; Donnie doesn’t know he even Can like guys, its not something he’s ever even thought of. So he doesn’t fully realize he has feelings for Casey and what exactly they are until way after this video takes place. He kind of has a whole crisis about it, the whole breaking of the mould completely throwing off his plans and expectations. He doesn’t know if it’s allowed, and he doesn’t know what his father [now dead] would think of it. And this whole jonatello arc is going to be kind of a large part of the AU

Also. I’m pretty sure Timothy’s frozen body gets shown like one more time ever but in this AU he was taken by the kraang because i cannot stand the thought that Donnie would just never acknowledge him again

Still have not seen past season 3 tho so bear with me