#i am once more reiterating how So Very Very Normal i am about them :)

[paramountpetrichor]

its 5 in the feckin morning and i am Plagued by Specifically celestialcest flavoured moon/eclipse thoughts. sighs.

after so so so much slowburn who do you think calls the other 'brother' first? do you think theres hesitance to do so, considering the tension between them? do you think the first time they're romantic again after changing their relationship status to familal they enjoy it even More? do you think they whisper the term 'brother' like a prayer under their breaths as they makeout on a desk in p&s? do you think they teasingly call each other 'brother' in public only to whimper 'lover' as they bite each others necks in the bedroom? do you think they try to rope the others in on it eventually, too? do y-

[risoria]

so. have you seen the pictures from Rafah of the blackened, charred infants? the toddler with no head?

i would like to ask a favour of everyone seeing this post, from one human to another. don't think about the things you can't do - because as it seems, nothing is enough, and nobody can do enough - there is no use to be paralyzed by these thoughts. instead focus on the things you are already doing and the things you can do. i will start by compile a small list of personal suggestions, and please add to it from your own resources! this list is not numbered, i will just add things that i can think of off the top of my head and if it is of any help to at least one person, thats good. take care of yourself - that includes taking care of others, and this world we live in.

this is obvious but keep listening to Palestinian voices. i am mostly active on twitter so i will give some examples from there: Hind_Gaza, HossamShabat, BayanPalestine (press). MuhammadSmiry, does community work with Care for Gaza. m7mdkurd. Everyone is saying mostly the same thing - keep talking, keep protesting, keep boycotting. so do it.

keep talking. humans are social animals and it's as simple as this: the ongoing genocide is dire, urgent and catastrophic - i dont think i need to tell you that. but when people, a lot of people, share posts with each other and reiterate this fact the urgency will be felt stronger by everyone, and reach people who would otherwise maybe not see the reports of the genocide on their screens. if people instead choose to stop sharing and stop talking because it's "been so long" or it's "too difficult", the suffering will become normalized and the only thing people will see on their feeds are mundane things - food, pets, fandoms, and it will send the message that oh, it's not that important after all.... sometimes, you SHOULD feel disturbed and uncomfortable. these feelings are not evil - they will be channelled into actions to better a situation and better the world. silence is violence.

search for protests near your town, sometimes they're hard to find but once you find your local organizations for the Palestinian movement, follow them and you will usually find them! this all depends on where you live of course - but most often there will be fundraisers and events and mailing campaigns etc, and the more people joining the better. and, most importantly i would say, share these events and pictures (no faces of strangers, ofc! from protests on your facebook, twitter etc - because that way people close to you will see them and that it's completely rational and normal to attend protests, and if they've been on the fence maybe they will reach out and join you.

donate if you are able and share links to the different organizations - some examples are Care for Gaza, Sulala animal rescue, the Gazan Municipality Life for Gaza project (https://gaza-city.ensany.com/campaign/6737), the PCRF.

individual gofundmes - here is the google doc with a lot of campaigns, but im sure there are lots of them that arent yet added: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1-DDMFyn-ttboPXrz1bB3MFk7BlzCwfugh4259Wh7U1s/htmlview

donate e-sims, which will be sent by the Esims for Gaza team to people in Gaza, to help communicate with their families etc during blackouts. it's very quick and easy and on nomad you can get a referral code which gives someone else 25% off their first purchase, and there's also often different bonus codes. on the website there's tutorials for how to buy the different esims. https://gazaesims.com/

there's some different charity shops where you can buy Palestinian products and the proceeds help Palestinian artisans and people. here are some examples, please add more if you know any: https://handmadepalestine.com/ (based in Ramallah, Palestine), https://forpalestine.dk/ (based in Denmark), https://www.shoppalestine.org/ (based in the US)

boycott!! the BDS of course have their targeted brands (https://bdsmovement.net/) but there's also for example the witness website with lists of brands and the reasons for boycotting them (https://boycott.thewitness.news/) and some different apps that do the same thing, like the "no thanks" app. yes, the list of brands is very, very long. maybe all of it isn't feasible BUT i think a good start would be to go through them and decide which ones are unnecessary either way that you're better off without (mcdonalds, starbucks etc), and then which ones are part of your usual shopping routine, make a mental note of them and pick different options - see it as an opportunity to try new things, to support local brands and smaller businesses!

go do yourself a favour and give Palestinian-Canadian artist Nemahsis' new single "stick of gum" a listen, it's super good! <3 https://youtu.be/VsqYlmf3SAg?si=EK_TZjo0Ijny8hMT

please, add more tips and resources below or just share your own pictures or art or thoughts!

[alpaca-clouds]

White People's Struggle With Solarpunk

Let me be honest. I am so annoyed with the white part of the Solarpunk movement and the people white folks talk about the movement and the genre. Because it seems we always need to have the same kind of conversations again and again and again and again, and people will just not be interested in learning. The same kind of conversations are:

Actually, Solarpunk is like totally not punk! (Answer: Yes, yes it is! You just don't understand what punk means.)

There has to be a way to archive Solarpunk under capitalism!(Answer: No. No there isn't. Sorry to break your bubble. The reason the world sucks is capitalism.)

Solarpunk as a literary genre can only work, if the world it is set in is corrupted, because otherwise there is no conflict in the story! (Answer: ... Have you ever even read another story? Like any other story?)

Why do I reiterate that it is a white-people-problem? Well, because if you look into the history of Solarpunk, the main origin of the genre and movement is in Brazil and generally South America. The origins lie very much with Amazofuturism, which was one of the biggest influences to the genre/movement.

And sure, online you never know what skin color someone has, but I will go so far and say, there is a certain white-ness about some people online. Be it just this very clear white fragility that one can often be found with those people.

One of the big issues here is, that white folks often have a very firm world view, because they grow up in a world that normalizes their culture - and in a way the topics named above.

Today's white people often have a very vague understanding of punk and what punk actually means. If you ask them what punk actually means, they will usually just come up with super vague answers. And if you ask, why Solarpunk is not punk, the answers will not be more defined.

White people come from the culture that invented capitalism, and even more poor white people will relatively profit from the inherent unfairness of capitalism. So many of them - even without consciously realizing it - feel protective of it. Especially of course that most folks in western countries are brainwashed from primary school onwards to accept that capitalism is the be-all, end-all when it comes to economic systems.

About the last thing I have already talked about. These ideas about how conflicts need to be a part of stories - and what might or might not be a proper conflict - is very rooted in western storytelling.

So, once again... Let me talk this week a bit more about those issues. Because... To be honest, I am annoyed.

[yukimomodivorce]

The Ghosts in IDOLiSH7 are a Literary Device, Mostly

(an essay by me)

People are always asking me, "Robin, what the fuck is up with those ghosts in IDOLiSH7? How come this otherwise completely non-supernatural universe randomly has these two ghosts that show up and then never get acknowledged again? Is it just canon that ghosts exist and only Riku and Momo can see them?" and I am always telling them that I have an analysis about this I just haven't written it yet. But that ends today, as do all of these very pressing concerns about the i7 Ghosts™, because here I am, finally writing the analysis. This essay will have two sections, the first on the training camp ghost from part 3/third beat, and the second on the Re:vale house ghost from Yuki's third chapter of Re:member. So, spoilers for all of part 3/third beat in both sections, Re:member in section 2, and there's one extremely minor spoiler for part 4 in section 1 but it's honestly so predictable I don't think it even counts. Also, I'll reiterate this once we get to it, but just a warning that section 2 will contain discussions of depression, suicide and suicidal ideation, and a brief mention of self-harm, so please stop reading after section 1 if you don't want to see any of that! Another less important disclaimer about section 2 is that I am going to spend an entirely unecessary amount of time talking about Yuki. I am normal about Yuki. Okay. Without further ado, let's watch my spiral into ghost analogy insanity unfold!

Game translations: @seigyokus Re:member translations: @ takara_time (+ scans and editing by @ waitamomoment) Rabbit chat translations: @osakaso5

Section 1: The Training Camp Ghost

This first point applies to both ghosts, but I wanna start by noting that I think superstitions and beliefs like this are more common in Japan than a lot of other places, so yeah it is entirely possible that ghosts are just a canon and accepted thing in Idolish7's universe and this isn't really that strange of a detail for the series to include. However, I don't have any real background knowledge about if ghosts are normal in non-supernatural anime/etc. and I am not committing to that kind of research, so we'll have to leave the specifics of the ghost canonicity issue to someone else. But regardless of how canon they are, I think we've established well enough by now that the i7 writers don't put much of anything in the series without reason (re:vale band name you will always be famous. to me), and that definitely applies here as well - both of our ghosts are doing a LOT of potential symbolic work in their brief appearances, and that's what we'll be unpacking today, starting with the TCG.

The infamous TCG (training camp ghost) of Atami needs no introduction, but I'll give her one anyway. During the filming of the Friends Day special, upon following the shopping group home, she offers her services to Riku (inexplicably the only person capable of communicating with her) for the evening entertainment group's test of courage, terrorises several cast members throughout the day, and finally brings us Soma Saito's incredible cover of Dis One before probably being sent back to idol fan purgatory forever. Who is she? Where did she come from? I have several theories.

1.1: The TCG is the audience

While the 'ghosts are real in i7' possibility is there, I think it's also important to note in this case that the whole training camp is very explicitly being filmed for TV, and the biggest vibe I get from this episode of the anime is that the ghost is a part of the show, and we're seeing that show through the eyes of its in-universe audience. This happens pretty often in i7 (for example, when we see the groups talk to their fans during concerts), and generally the line between the real fans and the fictional ones can get pretty blurred (which deserves its own much longer analysis but I Am Not Writing All That), so everything with the in-universe audience here kind of naturally extends to us as the real audience. The TCG would probably be easy enough to manufacture with special effects as long as Riku and the driver guy were in on it, and it would make sense for the Friends Day producers to include it to keep things entertaining and be a stand-in for their viewers/fans of the idol groups - the ghost is specifically a female fan of male idols (Zero), and a lot of her interactions with the cast would qualify as self-insert material (e.g. Tenn singing for her and Riku looking directly into the camera to smile at her). And speaking of Tenn and Riku,

1.2 The TCG is Nanase twins angst

I think this connection is fairly obvious in their exchange here. You could make a case for the ghost representing either one of the twins. Like Riku, she's being pushed away by Tenn before she's ready to leave, told that it's necessary and for the best that they stay separated - after all, they live in different worlds. Like Tenn, she's leaving despite Riku's protests and part of her not really wanting to go at first, because she believes it's for the best that they stay separated - after all, they live in different worlds.

There's also the association with ghosts of being ignored/invisible, and Riku being the only person able to see or talk to her. Maybe it's because he's the only one who's able to reach her. Maybe he can see her because he understands her on some level - she was torn away from life like he was torn away from his brother, and she's now practically invisible to everyone else around her, like Riku probably feels to Tenn (and arguably the rest of his family in some ways). Maybe he wants her to feel seen, and he can make Tenn acknowledge her in the way he wants to be acknowledged by him. I might actually be going somewhere with this so bear with me for a second.

1.3: The TCG is monster Riku foreshadowing

So my first thought when I watched the Nanase twin angst portion of this episode was 'well obviously the ghost isn't real and Riku is just using it to talk to Tenn indirectly' because they are always having indirect conversations like this and it makes me insane, and I do still think that's the idea here, just not quite in the sense that Riku is making things up. Going back to the whole 'ghost is a stand-in for the audience' thing, and assuming that she's saying the things that Riku wants to say and Tenn is telling her the things he wants to tell Riku, then we could say that rather than Riku purposefully having the ghost speak for him, this is an extension of the monster effect. I guess in this scenario the TCG is a real ghost (and a figurative representation of the audience), and Riku is having the same effect on her that Iori says he has on everyone else. He unknowingly projects his desire to connect with his brother onto her, and she tries to help him. Really, the only times we see her after she follows the shopping group to their cabin are when she's helping Riku, with the test of courage and then with speaking to Tenn. This gets convoluted so I kinda doubt it's intentional? But it's fun to think about.

1.4: The TCG is the friends we made along the way

Riku spells this out a bit more explicitly in the game here, but the TCG represents the each of the groups in the series in a couple different ways. I guess one way you could interpret this is that the ghost is meant to be there to emphasise how extraordinary it is that they're all together, but I don't think that really holds up considering how often they end up working with each other throughout the series anyway. What's important here is the idea of the ghost itself, something that can be present and felt even when it isn't physically or actually there. Again, the ghost is the audience - a constant influence for better and for worse on these idols even when they aren't watching, even in their personal lives; and vice versa, the ghost is the idols being able to reach their fans without ever actually knowing them. More relevant to what Riku says, the ghost is the groups to each other - friends, mentors, rivals, pushing them forward even when they aren't standing side by side. You could even say the ghost is ZOOL, friends who aren't here right now but will be someday. Re:vale and Idolish7 as groups don't especially fit the ghost description, but they have their fair share of ghosts - Banri, Haruki, Tenn, Aya, Sougo's uncle. Zero. The list goes on, for Trigger and ZOOL as well, but I think the most important way the ghost analogy applies to this section of the story is with Trigger. Because during the imminent Arc Where Trigger Gets Cancelled™, despite leaving their agency and disappearing almost entirely from the public eye, they're still very much there to their fans and to their friends. So. I kinda forgot what I was saying but to sum it all up the ghost here represents everything that stays with you even when it's far away or after it's gone from your life. Mikanseinabokura and all that. And now that I mention it-

Section 2: The Re:vale House Ghost

Once again, a warning that this section has a brief mention of self-harm, as well as in-depth discussions of depression, suicide and suicidal ideation (which I'm gonna be talking about pretty bluntly the entire time), so please don't proceed unless you're comfortable with all of that!

Like most things in Re:member, the RHG (Re:vale house ghost) makes me insane. Today I am going to attempt to form coherent thoughts about it and it is unlikely that I'll succeed, but try to bear with me. Though it isn't around for as long as the TCG, we have a little more info about the RHG - it's the ghost that haunts the shitty apartment Yuki and Momo live in together in their early days as Re:vale. Supposedly. All it actually does is slam the door of one kitchen cabinet and I don't think that this is definitive evidence of paranormal activity because most houses are just like that. It's all a little bit vague, but according to Re:vale, their house is definitely haunted by the ghost of someone who died in the kitchen, because when they move in there is a mysterious black stain on their kitchen floor. Momo introduces himself to the floor stain while Yuki stares at him in awe and blushes and shoujo filter flowers appear in his eyes. God I hate them. I think the RHG is just a figment of their collective imagination or maybe they're having one of those shared delusions or something. But that's really besides the point because this ghost exists for one very specific thematic purpose: the RHG is Yuki.

And on that note, let's go back and talk about Yuki for a few minutes (potentially hours) before we get to our actual analysis of the ghost scene. Mostly because I just wanna talk about him, but also because I do understand why some people think the 'Momo starts talking to ghosts' part of Re:member is kinda weird and random, and I think at least some of this is important to go over before we unpack it.

A consensus has already been established among Yuki scholars that our subject has autism (Kei et al. 2024). Today, I would like to propose an additional diagnosis: Yuki has depression.

2.1: "I lost my dreams, friends, and passion as well."

So, Yuki pretty clearly gets depressed when Ban leaves him. He loses interest in everything he used to care about, gives up on his dreams, blames himself for Ban's injury and disappearance, he's constantly sad, tired and irritable, and he lashes out at Momo (and Kujou, though there are some other pretty strong reasons for that one) and presumably everyone else he knows (I doubt he had a particularly good relationship with anyone else in the first place, but still).

He's grieving here, and it would make sense for him to react this way because of that fact alone. But I really don't think that's all there is to it, because he exhibits these symptoms (among others) long before Ban leaves him. He can't get out of bed in the mornings, he rarely leaves the house if he can avoid it, he has days where he can't eat or sleep, he's underweight and always tired and generally known to lack energy and be slow (or 'lazy') and in some cases listless and despondent. Ban even says that he wouldn't put it past Yuki to start slitting his wrists. And it's subtle, but there's one more really big one that really never goes away for him, even after he finds Ban.

2.2: "I don't need anyone to love me."

I'll get straight to the point. Yuki hates himself. Maybe only a little bit, maybe only sometimes, but it's there. Especially when he struggles with composing - he even says it himself in part 1 of his birthday photobook rabbit chat, almost immediately after saying that it made him want to kill himself but we'll get back to that part.

But it's really everywhere on what seems to be a mostly subconscious level for him, if you know how to look, even from the very beginning:

On paper, this line is just his frustration with being judged by anything other than his music, because it's something he cares a lot about and puts a lot of work into and he wants that to be acknowledged. But I think that if you take it in conjunction with some of the other things he tends to say, there's a little bit more to it.

I dont need anyone to love me. Yuki's songs are worthy of love. Yuki is not. There is nothing valuable about Yuki other than his songs, he has nothing else that deserves any sort of praise, and without them, he's just a useless burden with nothing to offer. He doesn't need anyone to love him - he doesn't understand why anyone would. And Momo does, and he's a good person, and Yuki doesn't deserve that when there's nothing he can actually do for him. And when that starts to change and he starts getting better at showing kindness to others and being there for Momo, he doesn't see it as learning to better express his feelings, he sees is as learning to feel affection and be a good person, because he believes that he is inherently not. As far as he can tell, Yuki is just naturally a bad person and a bad partner who isn't kind and isn't capable of love or compassion, not unless he tries to be. He knows, because he's heard it god knows how many times - even Chiba Shizuo blatantly tells him that neither of them can become good people - and maybe things are different now, but on some basic level it'll always be who he is.

Ok breaking character for a second, imagine you show up to your acting side gig and on the first day Keanu Reeves comes up to you and gives you $300 cash and then later he indirectly tells you that you're a nasty lonely egotistical failure. Now imagine you're Yuki and you have no fucking clue who Keanu Reeves is. He also shows you pictures of his top secret illegitimate son after talking to you for like 10 minutes and you have to lie to him about being straight. I think this is objectively the funniest situation to be in ever. Chiba Shizuo and Yamato both probably have depression also, but I'm not gonna spend any time on it, because every three months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in Northern Queensland. I forgot what I was talking about. Anyway

2.3: Hey remember that one time Yuki just straight up tried to kill himself

Yeah, that one. As far as I know this is really never addressed or acknowledged again, so we're just gonna take the page-long gag from Re:member at face value and say that after Ban's disappearance, Yuki (almost) attempted suicide, and the only reason he didn't go through with it is because he couldn't find anywhere to hang the noose. And like, yeah you could say it's just because he thought Ban might have killed himself and he's always been the kind of hopeless romantic to be waxing poetic about how "I can't live without you," but at the same time, he had no apparent reason to believe this (even if Ban did have suicidal tendencies I doubt Yuki would've really known), and he was planning to go through with it (I know it's probably just for comedic effect but he left a will. He left a will. He's, like, 20, and surely not the kind of person who would just have something like that in order already). This is also emphatically not the last time or the only reason he thinks about it.

I told you we'd get back to the photobook chat! I think there's also a lot you can infer from all the times he says he'd probably be dead by now without Momo and he wouldn't be able to handle losing him, what with the whole "when you jump, you'd better take me with you" thing. But regardless, this really isn't just that one time that Yuki tried to kill himself. It's suicidal ideation, and it's something he consistently struggles with especially in the few months after Ban leaves him. It even comes up in how he sees the 'paranormal activity' his new apartment:

2.4: "It seemed as though someone had hung themselves there."

Yeah it's the ghost I'm finally gonna talk about the ghost. I'm done with my Yuki has depression rant we can talk about why the ghost is Yuki now. I guess it might be more accurate to say that the ghost is Yuki's depression/suicidal thoughts/Banri trauma/whatever, but either way I think it represents him and he might also be semi-consciously projecting onto it, and I'm gonna go through line-by-line and try to explain my interpretation.

I think if you want to there's definitely room to take the 'usual paranormal activity' super literally and say that Yuki was having outbursts and slamming doors at the time (which would also match up with him being startled by it). I think it's also important to note that this is happening around the time he mentions feeling suicidal and not being able to compose in the photobook chat, but the main thing here is that second line. Even though Momo is always so nice to him, he can't stop himself from getting mad and being difficult and depressed, and he can't return that kindness - he can't even be useful to him.

I've already mentioned how I think Yuki's conclusion about the stain here plays into his suicidal ideation, but let's look at it a little more thematically. It's the way that even though it's glossed over earlier in the manga, Yuki's suicide attempt and everything that accompanied it still follows him, and it hangs (lol) heavy in their house like a ghost. To Yuki, it's startling and eerie - it scares him, and he's expecting it to scare Momo once he sees that side of him too. And it probably does scare him a little, and he hesitates, but he doesn't scream. Again, there's room to interpret this more literally as Momo finding out about his attempt/ideation/depression, or just as him inevitably seeing how he gets on his worse days, but either way the outcome is the same. Momo is starting to know Yuki as a person instead of an idol, flaws and probable mental illness and all, and his first reaction isn't to shy away or start to hate him or want to leave. It's an introduction. He makes it clear that they'll both be staying here from now on, that he's willing to live with the 'darker' sides of Yuki, and to help him do the same. Another point on this that's up to interpretation (because let's be real they're probably never gonna deal with this stuff explicitly in canon), you could see the whole ghost thing as neither of them really being able/wanting to accept that Yuki's symptoms are actually a part of him (and this is veering completely into fanfic territory but now I'm just imagining both of them silently agreeing to blame the things Yuki does on bad days on the ghost) but we've had enough angst for one day.

Everything else lines up well enough with the ghost and Yuki, but it's really his reaction here that sells the whole thing for me. It's a simple gesture, but just by Momo greeting him, being by his side, waiting for him when he comes home, that constant reminder of all his darkest thoughts becomes just another mark on the floorboards. It's not gone, and it probably never will be. But at least now, he doesn't have to face it alone. And it doesn't look so scary anymore.

2.5: "Now I know joy, and the meaning of a smile."

I must confess that I lied to all of you earlier. I'm actually not done with my Yuki rant and also there's a good reason I've been ignoring all the parts of Re:member where he isn't being self-deprecating or trying to kill himself. The end of the ghost scene is only the beginning of the end of this analysis, and the end of this analysis is pretty much just me having a meltdown about Yuki. Also I'm running out of space for images so we're doing some of the quotes like this instead.

After losing Ban, I lost my dreams, friends, and passion as well. I could only feel a sting as the wind passed through an empty, gaping hole in my chest. But I breathed as best as I could, and he tried to clear the dirt out of that hole, filling it with his earnest words instead.

Yuki still exhibits a lot of symptoms of depression all the way through the series, like the low energy and the trouble eating and sleeping, and [redacted part 5 spoilers] makes me think there's definitely some sort of connection between his writers' block and his depressive episodes. He still mentions feeling guilty towards Banri in second beat, the suicidal ideation doesn't really come up explicitly but he kinda hints at it on a few occassions, and he's very adament that he was a bad person and still isn't really a good one. But it's like. I don't really know how to put this, but I guess it's not his default state anymore like it was right after Ban left (and possibly before that, too). For the most part, he really does get better, and these things become less intense and fewer and farther between. He would probably say that it's all thanks to Momo, and it is, but he also very much does it of his own volition. Momo refuses so desperately to give up on him, and because of that he makes that choice to keep going by restarting Re:vale with him.

Yuki allows himself to let someone else in and start to love again - his partner, his music, his life. Even while he's thinking that he's just a burden to those around him, he doesn't resign himself to his fate like he might have done in the past. He's determined to become a better person, someone who can be a source of strength for Momo just like he was for him. And in the end, he does, but it's not just that. Now he knows joy. Now he can genuinely smile. And now,

I want to hear them scream my name. The voices that called out had annoyed me in the past. But now, I'll smile, together with Momo, who'll be by my side.

Going back to what I said about some of Yuki's subconscious self-hatred coming through in the way he wants people to look at his music and not at him, I. Cannot finish a sentence. Do NOT think about Yuki learning to love himself and see himself as worthy of love because Momo loved him just that much in a way that he could accept. BAD IDEA. Okay. So. It's Ban's advice and Momo's fan letter that get Yuki to accept that his fans do genuinely love his music in the first place, and I think it's here that it really starts to turn into him accepting the idea that they love other things about him too? Or that he really starts to want it and be happy about it instead of just accepting it? Whatever. I give up. I don't even like Re:vale anyway

That day, I would play the guitar I'd almost thrown at Kujou, because I now knew the power of a song that could not be silenced. I would dry my tears, open the door, and say, "I'm home."

[alittledizzy]

this a big ask and feel free to ignore but you seem like the right person to come to.

can you give like a dnf overview for those of us who know almost nothing but are sooo curious (minecraft? face reveal? queer?)(i follow for dnp lol)

Okay so... I'm gonna try and do a bullet point overview and for the purpose of not getting in the weeds I am not going into the controversies. I'll be happy to discuss that part - OFF anon.

Dream and George met on a Minecraft server when Dream was 16, George was 18/19 and became best friends.

When Dream decided to start youtube when he was 18, he asked George (and Sapnap) to come along with him. They both said yes.

In 2019, George started talking about moving to America. At the time Dream lived with his girlfriend, though they broke up by 2020. (George and the girlfriend did not get along. But that's also a whole other can of worms because she fucked Dream up pretty badly with consistent cheating and verbal/physical abuse.)

Plans for George to move to the US got more concrete and at some point over 2021 became him moving into a house with Dream and Sapnap.

Dream also came out multiple times in this general period of time. He came out in a post on reddit, on twitter, and on a stream. He does not explicitly state that he's bisexual, but he does explicitly state he isn't straight.

Sapnap had already moved in with Dream for Dream's protection since he was being swatted pretty regularly. Dream had plans for a face reveal but people were stalking and harassing him both to 'reveal' him and also because at this point the Kiwi Farms targeted attack on him had gained a lot of steam.

Speaking of: George used face cam pretty regularly, but Dream did not face reveal. Based on things he's said it seems pretty clear he was trying to lose weight but at some point set the goal of face revealing once George was in America because he wanted George to see his face before anyone else.

George applied for his Visa and would have had about a 6-9 month wait, and then was denied. He had to apply a second time, and wait another extended period of time, which put it September 2022 when his visa finally was approved. This means they'd known each other for seven years and he'd been trying to move to the US to live with Dream for three years at that point.

George arrived in the US and Dream posted his first video with a face camera on. George posted a vlog meeting Dream irl for the first time, which is a great starting point for a watch.

In terms of the ship stuff: they've always had a heavily flirtatious relationship and Dream is open about how attractive he finds George. They've acknowledging having a conversation about if they'd date or not.

Once in a while Dream will reiterate that they're not dating, and we know he spent 2023 having a variety of hookups but no confirmed relationships. (Which lines up with his long history of women that flirt with him complaining he'll be great to them and make them feel good but always says he doesn't want a relationship.)

2023 was pretty wild for them in terms of nonstop travel, events, and making very little content besides Dream's music. So far in 2024 we've seen a complete 180 of that and Dream and George have noy traveled at all, staying at home in Orlando together. (Sapnap has traveled and spent time in LA, but alone.)

This is partially due to controversy, I'm sure, but also seems to be just in line with a rededicating of themselves to Minecraft and content impending. They're working on a project that hopefully will come out soon.

Right now in terms of what they've publicly told us, they're just in the category of Super Not Normal About Each Other. Here are a few of the Not Normal things that are just fun from a shippy pov:

Before George moved, they were open about living most of their life on a call together. This includes sleep calling and staying on the phone while taking showers.

One of Dream's early videos was gifting his friends money to thank them for supporting him. He gave Sapnap and another friend $500 each. He gave George $5000.

Dream took 'am I in love with my best friend' quizzes on stream twice with George on the call and neither treated it quite like a joke.

Dream sent George an oversized Dream hoodie which George has worn repeatedly and even admitted to spraying with cologne before he'd put it on. Dream took pictures of George in the hoodie (a private call, not one fans were in on) and then later shared them saying they were the cutest pictures of George ever.

The first time we really got to see them interact irl at length was a stream they did around Christmas. Here's a supercut that just really shows the vibe between them.

Initially in late 2022 Dream was wearing a very specific chain. At some point in January 2023, George started wearing that chain (the specific one Dream used to wear) and has not been spotted without it since.

At one of his concerts Dream described George as a friend he just met a year ago that he's so in love with.

The entire song Spotlight which everyone immediately associated with George, to George's embarrassment and pride.

And there's obviously way more... but I feel like this is a good starter kit for Them.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for not wanting to share.

I know that sounds bad and bratty but let me explain.

I (18NB) like to make Kandi bracelets. It’s something I’ve been trying to get good at. I did not ask for a lot this holiday season but one of the only things I asked for was a bracelet bead + charm set. I got it and was very grateful. The only downside is that there are VERY minimal beads and charms. There’s a lot of variety but due to that there are only about ten of each color in the normal beads and 3-4 of each charm. I wasn’t upset because I wanted more. I just didn’t want to use it all up so quickly and then have to buy another set. I made a plan to only make bracelets every once in a while (I could practice making them but put all the materials back afterwards). I am a very particular person and having this method/order keeps me from feeling stressed and guilty when making bracelets.

I am currently staying with my parents over break and my father (50M) has taken an interest in Kandi as well. Honestly, this was unbeknownst to me but I am not very perceptive at times (diagnosed Audhd). Sidenote: I have mentioned my method of preserving the materials to my parents. Anyways, my dad asked me to make him a bracelet and I happily obliged. It used a variety of colors so I wasn’t worried that I’d use up too much on that one. But recently he has been going in my room and making his own without asking me first. I was slightly put off but I didn’t in any way prevent him from doing it because my mom (49F) said it calmed him.

I suggested that he get a set for himself and my mom said he had been looking at some online. I said great and once he gets his we can both just use our own. My mom claimed I lacked kindness in my heart. I reiterated that I didn’t care that he was using my set now and that I just think it would be easier for us to each have our own. “What if he wants to share HIS set with you?” She asked. I told her I wouldn’t use his because I know how minimal the supply of things are. She continued with her sentiment that I was being unkind and spoiled.

I just need to know if I’m missing something here.

What are these acronyms?

[avelera]

So now that I'm caught up on Interview with the Vampire (as of ep 2.5) I want to say a few words about the appearance of Raglan James, aka the antagonist in "The Tale of the Body Thief".

First, and on the most basic level, I lost my fucking mind when he showed up. Body Thief is perhaps a controversial installment of the Vampire Chronicles but it's actually one of my favorites (and I could write essays on why).

Once I was done screaming in delight at his appearance, I went looking to see the reaction of other book fans and here I must admit I am puzzled.

Many book fans here seem to think that Raglan James isn't what he appears. That he's Marius, or David Talbot, or Aaron Lightner, or some other book character in disguise.

I vehemently disagree with this both for Watsonian (in-universe) and Doylist (out-of-universe, practical) reasons.

Raglan James is Raglan James, the Body Thief, and I'm going to reiterate this a few times in explaining why I hold this view.

Now, to get into why I think the show is just giving us pre-canon Raglan James right now, and not already playing with his body jumping abilities by having him be someone like Marius:

When introducing a character who is effectively a shapeshifter, in this case the Body Thief himself, Raglan James, you actually do need to show him in his "normal" state first because not everyone in the audience is familiar with his ability because of the books. You have to introduce and build up this ability gradually because it's a very confusing ability for a visual medium to have a different actor playing the same character (and if you don't believe me, go check out some other famous shapeshifter characters like Mystique or The Doctor and see how carefully the narrative introduces and builds up how their power works, almost always starting by showing them in a normal "original" state as a baseline).

Showing him for the first time in another guise would only create confusion. We need to know who he is on his own before we can begin to play with the narrative. At most, I think his current form might be the body of his first "jump" into the body of his fellow inmate, but even then, I think that's something you save for later, when you introduce the ability he has. I really think we're actually seeing early or pre-canon, real Raglan (the one who had cancer) right now in his first original body. Honestly, I wouldn't even be surprised if Raglan doesn't have the ability yet and is building up towards achieving it. I think right now, he's just a normal, scummy, kleptomaniac Talamasca member.

Is "Raglan" his real name? Perhaps not, the man is an infamous con artist. But I took Daniel's skepticism to be more in line with "You made up a silly sounding name because you're a drama queen and great believer in your own legend. Your real name is probably something normal like "Bob', Raglan," rather than an invitation by the audience to assume that Raglan is, for example, Marius or another vampire in disguise.

My sense is that we're setting up Raglan to be the post-Queen of the Damned antagonist, just like he was in the books. But in order to introduce him to best effect then, instead of a totally confusing appearance out of left field (like he is in the book, tbh), it's actually very clever to introduce him now, early on, as a Talamasca member (or recently kicked out of it) before introducing him as the Body Thief. They're making him a normal, known member of the cast before they toss him out there as one of the most bizarre antagonists of the entire book series.

Personally, I think that Raglan is being introduced now as our first introduction to the Talamasca. The Talamasca is a very questionable organization on many levels, we are often meant to distrust them or view them with the same distrust as the supernatural creatures do who encounter them, despite the fact they're actually mostly benevolent in the books so the suspicion supernatural characters view with them often feels a bit excessive. So it makes sense that our first introduction to it is with a somewhat shady character, in order to justify the book levels of suspicion vampires and witches feel towards the Talamasca, because the first one of their members we meet is a con artist and a villain, even if later ones are mostly good guys.

Basically, I think instead of just introducing Raglan out of the blue after he's jumped bodies a couple times. Instead, we're going "back in time" so to speak, showing the prologue of his backstory and intertwining it with the main story so it's not so shocking when he shows up later as an antagonist.

For my money, Raglan hasn't been kicked out of the Talamasca yet or he has very recently been kicked out and is now hunting down Daniel on his own in order to get closer to his real targets, powerful vampires like Lestat or Armand. He's going to be a regular for a bit, a shadowy figure at the edges, perhaps drop away for a bit during the events of Queen of the Damned, and then come back as the main antagonist, with all the familiarity we have with him, after those events as the new antagonist.

And as for Marius... along similar lines of, "you have to show how something works before you break it / you have to show who a character is before you disguise them with a shapeshifter's abilities" IMO, when we see Marius, we're going to see Marius. We're going to see Armand's master in his original form. We're probably going to see him the way we first do in Queen of the Damned, busy tending the shrine of Those Who Must Be Kept.

I don't, for my money, think we're going to deviate so much that Marius is going to show up (except in flashbacks) just because the characters are talking about him.

The whole point of Lestat becoming a rock star, the whole justification for it in Queen of the Damned and the Vampire Lestat was to draw out all the vampires in his life, vampires he's missed like Louis and Armand and Marius. The whole point was to bring them to him.

Having Marius just randomly pick up that Louis and Armand are talking about him and then show up smacks of television coincidence. But the show's narrative is too carefully crafted for that.

So, in my opinion, Marius will be held in reserve. We will only see him in flashbacks at first, probably not until Season 3 so they can cast his actor for the whole season (nice thing about Raglan James, since he is a shapeshifter/body thief you can always recast him later once his plotline kicks off). Marius will emerge for the same reasons he did in the books, because that lends weight to Lestat's otherwise batshit insane plan to become a rockstar, because it might be crazy but it works.

Marius has no need to appear in the body of a human before that. It makes no sense from a television angle (where it only causes confusion) or from a story angle, because he'd have no reason to show up in Armand's life now when he hasn't done so before except that we've first learned about him in the show.

Obviously I could be completely wrong! It would be amusing to eat my words and it has admittedly been a very long time since I read all the books (though I read them over and over back when I did). But these are my lengthy two cents on the matter.

[pigeon-toes]

SORRY I AM IN YOUR ASKS AGAIN IM SOO NERVOUS ABT WHATEVER FAMILY FUED SEEMS TO BE GOING ON AT THE HEARTH BC ARLE ISNT GOOD. BUT ALSO GIRL WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING YOUR KIDS ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ she’s got a solid 5.5/10 on the dad scale but I’m scared it might go lower 😔

I’m also really excited about arlecchino’s character alone like I’m huffing my copium on the fucked up vigilante justice maybe oriented arle agenda but I know it’s not happening but like??? Something something she judges the sins of the ones who’s wrongdoings are so bad they can only be judged by a fellow sinner. Her grim reaper vibes are off the charts istg

HAPPY TO HOST YOU IN MY INBOX!

My interpretation from what we can see in the trailer is that freminet and the others do something that directly goes against a mission Arle has, a mission so important that she told neuvilette she wouldnt do any other missions in fontaine unless absolutely necessary if given the permission to go forward.

Arlecchino is obviously a strict parent, but it's reiterated more than once in the hearth siblings' voicelines and character stories that she isn't unnecessarily harsh. She scolds, but there's no note of her punishments being violent in any normal circumstance.

Freminet's character stories even say that, after she succeeded the previous head of the Hearth; "Even if they [the children] failed, they wouldn't be subjected to the searingly painful punishments they had previously."

That on top of similar comparisons to the previous director, where Freminet feels that under her control, the Hearth became a place of refuge.

All that to say, I believe that there has to be something serious at play here for her to actually fight them, probably related to her core goals as a character-- which we don't know yet, so who's to say what it could be.

Whatever it is, its definitely something very significant from Arlecchino's perspective.

[Also, I don't think youre all that far off with your vigilante idea considering Lyney's story about how she saved Lynette! Shes very "angel of death" coded to me.]

[chibimui]

The Apothecary Diaries LN2 Thoughts - Part 1 (Prologue-ch5)

Alright, I've started Light Novel 2 and boy, I have so much to say. As I said in my thoughts for LN1, that felt very much like an introductory book, but LN2 we finally start getting a bit more details about different characters, and we start seeing mysteries in the story that start linking together to form larger plots.

So, let's just jump in to it.

(Warning: These thoughts may contain spoilers from later light novels all the way up until LN15.)

I think a lot of the things I'm going to be highlighting are all the hints, clues and bits of foreshadowing we get to future events, and information about characters. LN2 is centered more around Maomao's backstory, but it does also set the foundation for the major plot/mystery that occurs throughout the next few novels.

Right away in the prologue we start off with conversation between Jinshi and the Emperor. I found the descriptions of Jinshi and his inner thoughts as he talks to the Emperor really interesting because there is a certain level of comfort, but also a guarded aspect in how Jinshi acts around him. I guess that makes sense because regardless of whether this man is Jinshi's "older brother", he is still talking to the Emperorof China of Li.

We also get our first mention of a "wager" Jinshi has with the Emperor. This conversation definitely adds to the bag of evidence that Jinshi has some suspiciously deep connections to royalty. Not anyone can just make a bet with the Emperor and get away with it.

We also get more evidence of how Jinshi sees himself, and it's always just so sad to me. He describes himself as "average" and he reiterates his belief that it's only his looks that give him any advantage in life. The unfortunate thing is, it makes perfect sense he sees himself this way based on other things we learn about him. Jinshi was raised in a super sheltered environment, he rarely ever got to go out and rarely got to interact with others. Once he was allowed to interact with others, it's also easy to assume that most people probably focused more on his looks than anything else because he's just that attractive AND because of his status as a member of the royal family.

Given all of this, it still really stands out to me how truly childish Jinshi really is. And I don't even mean in a bratty way, I mean... he genuinely kind of seems like a lost little kid sometimes who is still learning how to build connections to people in a normal way and not in a political way.

Anyway, moving on - the prologue jumps to Maomao leaving the Verdigris House because she's been bought by Jinshi (he paid off her debt that she owed for the nights Lihaku spent with Pairin). Here, we get another hint of foreshadowing!!

I am going to assume, with later knowledge, that his face darkening was due to Luomen thinking about who he had worked for the inner palace and realizing Maomao is working a bit too closely with those same people.

Can I also just stress again, I love Maomao's relationship with Luomen. Even though he's not present in this novel, Maomao thinks about him a lot and his presence is felt by the way she frequently refers customers to him, and uses his reminders/lessons to her as a guiding compass for how she should act and approach things.

Now with Maomao working for Jinshi we also get way more interactions between them and so much more room for the absolute hilarity that occurs because they are still learning how to read and understand each other (of course they both suck at it, but Jinshi is trying so hard. Maomao is trying much less, but she puzzles about him way more often than when she first met him, so... progress!!).

Seriously these two are a whole freakin' circus act. We have Maomao who just straight up just doesn't listen to 90% of what Jinshi says because it's unimportant to her, and Jinshi just barging along thinking he's done the best thing ever and patting himself on the back. Meanwhile, Gaoshun continues to suffer.

Back to some more foreshadowing!

I was really surprised to see that right away, before we even meet Lakan through Jinshi, that we already get hints that there is something about going near the military barracks that Maomao does not want to do.

Chapter 2 is when we finally get our first mystery for the book--the storehouse blowing up. We are also re-introduced to Lihaku. We get an observation from Maomao that Jinshi has asked her to keep her freckles, which Maomao doesn't understand, but I think comes from Jinshi wanting to protect her. Maomao is truly missing all the signs that Jinshi is actually personally interested in her well-being, but honestly? Fair, it's not in her best interest to begin assuming that someone of Jinshi's status would be personally interested in her, especially since he's currently her direct employer.

Also in the novel it makes it more clear that all the rumors about a courtesan being bought out from the Verdigris House are about Maomao.

I like this early team up of Maomao and Lihaku. I think it shows that Lihaku is a pretty practical guy who isn't really caught on social standing too much because he just lets Maomao do her thing which is actually pretty abnormal. Regardless of the *ahem*, "gift" she gave him last book, Maomao is not an officer, she isn't even a court lady. She's just an attendant, a servant--and a female servant at that. She is basically bottom of the food pile. Lihaku would have had every right to tell her to screw off, and another person might have, but he doesn't. Truly, what a stand up guy. He has another great moment in this book later that also shows what a truly decent guy he is.

As we continue along with the novel, I continue to enjoy all the juicy little bits of detail we get from both Jinshi and Maomao as she works under him, like this:

First of all, the highlighted line just made me laugh.

The rest of the passage also caught my interest too though because this very much shows a Jinshi who is still trying to understand how he can get close to Maomao, but still hasn't realized how to do so in a way that isn't just "buying her out". He geninely wants Maomao to like him back and knows this can only work if he respects Maomao's boundaries, but this boy is stumped. To be fair, his method of connecting with people through favours and transations is probably all he knows growing up in the palace. Unfortunately, Maomao is absolutely the last person who would respond positively to such a method.

Even just their banter is so much more funny in this book though. I'm not even sure if Maomao herself realizes that she's become way too comfortable getting sassy with him.

Maomao's lesson, chapter 3, is one of my most favourite moments in the anime, again, just for pure humor. It was so funny. The anime captured the novel's description of curious puppy Jinshi so well. He wants to know what she's doing so badly. I'm sure Jinshi is aware of what sex is and how it works, but I imagine currently he very much sees it as a means to an end to have a baby and nothing more. The more pleasurable side of sex is probably something he doesn't think too much about, likely due to suppressing his testosterone. I feel like his curiosity is very much coming from an innocent place - I think he genuinely cannot fathom what on earth Maomao could be teaching that isn't basically a medical lecture.

Hilarity aside though, this is the first time we get introduced to the new concubine, Loulan! Her description is so telling and drops so many hints about her real character, but I love how we don't get the pay off for any of this until LN4.

Right away, from the very first description of her, we get the detail that it's impossible to tell what her eyes really looked like due to all the make up she wears. The hints were there the whole time! Such great pacing. Such great placement of details that make it rewarding for a reader to go back to and read again.

I'm going to be jumping ahead again as we go through another mystery in chapter 4, this time the man who has been knocked out from some severe food poisoning. This is also our first introduction to Basen (without knowing it's him)!

Ya'll, I love Basen. He's my precious boy in this series okay. I will protect him with my life. He's just... he's just a little guy trying to do his best. I love how serious he is, but also how that makes him so awkward. I love how he's learning to become more comfortable around women. I love how he's a duck dad. I loooove his romance with Lishu and I desperately hope we get a happy end to that soon. I will talk more about all of these things when we get there - but for now, we actually don't even know who Basen is. We just know he's the help Gaoshun found for Maomao.

Currently Basen just seems like a dude with a major stick up his ass. Knowing what we know about Basen later, I do wonder why he's so grumpy around her. Part of it can be chalked up to his natural awkwardness around woman, but I feel like his coldness is beyond that. It makes me wonder how much he knows about Maomao when he first meets her--if he's only heard about her through Gaoshun and so only sees her as someone who adds stress to her dad's life by way of Jinshi, or if he knows about her through Jinshi and is just kinda wary because honestly - Jinshi probably describes Maomao in the weirdest way.

Jinshi: Basen, Maomao glared at me like a bug, it was amazing! Basen: HOW COULD SOMEONE TREAT YOU THAT WAY >:(

Anyway - we will have many more opportunities to talk about my baby. Random passages I highlighted from ch4.

Maomao thinking about Luomen and using him as her guiding compass to remaining ethical and moral.

LONGAN REPRESENT. I am going to take this time to make a PSA and say that lychee's are mid. They're fine as a flavour for drinks, desserts etc. but on their own, longans are 10000% better, and so are rambutans. I said it. I am someone who is very grumpy that everyone loves lychee's.

Jinshi forcing Maomao to vomit was hilarous in the anime. I love the way his VA was just like "HA-KE!!!!" Top notch voice acting.

Another A+++ scene from the anime. Sorry I know this isn't an anime review but like, THIS SCENE WAS SO FUNNY YA'LL.

(I just want to add I never once said my thoughts reading the light novels were ever going to be intelligent or deep).

Okay, but chapter 4 actually has some pretty serious stuff regarding Lakan as this is the first time Jinshi mentions him to Maomao and once again, Maomao has a very suspicious thought that implies she knows much more than she's letting on:

I feel like the anime was also pretty good about drip-feeding the fact Lakan and Maomao are connected, but I feel like actually reading the words on paper and not just hearing it as an after-thought from Maomao makes it so much more obvious that Maomao knows Lakan. I know this specific thought from Maomao was also in the anime, but I still feel like in the anime the viewer picks up much more quickly that Lakan knows Maomao and is probably her dad, but not necessarily that Maomao knows who he is unless you were a very astute watcher (which I was not, I'll admit). The novel makes it pretty hard to ignore the fact that Maomao has some serious beef with someone in the military.

The novel I think also makes it much more clear that part of why Lakan is antagonizing Jinshi so much is because he thinks Jinshi bought Maomao for to be in a relationship with her. The anime genuinely makes Lakan out to seem pretty creepy, vile and gross before they spill his backstory, but in the novel -- while he certainly comes off as antagonistic, it doesn't seem as extreme. He just comes off as someone who has a bone to pick with Jinshi specifically.

The hilarious bit about this portion when Lakan is describing Fengxian, Maomao's mother and a former-courtesan at the Verdigris House, is that at first you think you're only supposed to think of Maomao and how Jinshi also reacts the same to her.

But... given what we later learn about Gaoshun and his wife, this kind of also applies to him too. Gaoshun's reaction isn't just in relation to Jinshi, but I think he's also realizing that this applies to himself. LOL.

Chapter 5 is another mystery - the Lead mystery with the family of three brothers who were left with a mysterious will. I really liked this mystery, it was clever and I like how it felt more like a puzzle. Passages I want to highlight from this chapter:

Noooo Maomao, Jinshi is trying - really, he is! But again, highlighting how much Maomao is actively just not noticing what Jinshi is trying to do despite his best efforts. He's trying guys, HE'S TRYING.

And this passage that finally directly introduces Basen. I am wondering if Basen's disdain here is legitimate of if it's just what Maomao is assuming. At the same time though, Jinshi aside, Maomao is typically really good at reading people so, once again, I do wonder why Basen seemed so grumpy around her.

Anyway, the chapter ends with Maomao solving the mystery and once again, trying to give her dad some more business by referring people to him if they're feeling unwell.

This isn't an original thought, but I was watching some YT reactors who pointed out that Maomao constantly thinking of Luomen juxtaposes how much disdain she has for Lakan and it was an observation I really liked. I did find it interesting how often this novel specifically had Maomao referring people to Luomen, and there were more than few times where she refers back to Luomen when thinking of what to do (or what not to do). I didn't know why these details stood out to me, but I like the direction the YT reactors went given that this entire book is basically about Maomao's parentage and family - but throughout it all, we get to see who she really thinks of as her family, which is Luomen and her sisters + granny at the Verdigris House.

Anyway, I am ending my thoughts here because the next few chapters pack a lot of punch and would make this post way too long. I think given where I'm stopping now, we can assume this novel will be broken up into 4 parts, if not 5. We'll see how many thoughts I have!

Hope you enjoyed the first part and part 2 will be coming soon!

[jeonghoneyss]

HONEY WIP GAME!!!

tell me about junhao single parent magic, jay ibn jafar and hyunho catboys get along shirt pls!

VHAS IN MY INBOX HELLO BELOVED

junhao single parent magic... ough, my beloved. i really just threw the keywords around when titling the doc haha. it's about junhui and minghao, who are sort of harpy things. they've got a little place together, in the woods - but junhui is not built for settling down. he leaves, and travels, and comes back, and leaves again, and it's straining minghao, it really is. then one day he comes across an abandoned child (seungkwan) and takes him in... and then junhui comes back. and he stays. and minghao has to grapple with the fact that junhui stayed for this random child, but not for him. and they also have lots of cute moments, both together and with seungkwan.

unfortunately i do not have any snippets for this, just snatches of a feverish discord discussion haha.

jay ibn jafar is a descendants wip! it follows jay, who is part genie in this one, and how he discovers that once he's off the isle and in auradon. this one is jaylos as well. harry hook is there, too, and he's absolutely insufferable.

here is a snippet - i am aware it is slightly badly melodramatic, but all my descendants writing is, honestly.

Another pitiful treasure – well, he’s not a treasure, just a boy, but the emotion that Jay feels when he watches Cruella de Vil’s boy get pushed around is very much like pity, in that he doesn’t like it, and so the boy must be close to a pitiful treasure, right? And a treasure is a treasure, and a treasure must be protected, and so Jay squares his shoulders and reminds himself that he has to be brave, and he marches over there and he comes back with Cruella de Vil’s boy hanging off his arm. The poor thing’s shaking, and his huge eyes are wide and wet, and Jay kind of wants to scrounge a blanket to wrap around his shoulders, and he really is a pitiful treasure.

and finally, hyunho catboys get along shirt! another one that is what it says on the tin. hyunho are very feral catboys, and they get magically stuck together (jisung does it as a joke, and then the universe decides that no, actually, this is really good, they need to learn to get along) and have to deal with that. it's going to be non-linear, once i figure that out, going back to when they were young and still friends, and then to what happened that made them how they are today.

you've already seen the. hairball scene. so let me give you the deleted opening that i didn't like.

Minho’s not one for dramatics. He’d like to say he’s one of the least likely amongst his group of friends to burst into loud, limb-flailing dramatics at the drop of the hat (not like Hwang Hyunjin, more of a friend-in-law than a friend, who lives for the chance to turn every moment of his day into some sort of theatrical production in as obtrusive and noisy a fashion as possible). To reiterate: Minho’s never been one for dramatics. He’s always been one of the most level-headed people he knows, not prone to over-the-top reactions at all. It’s very important to Minho that this is known, and he would like to make it clear that he is not being dramatic when he says that he’s having the worst day ever. ‘You are being dramatic,’ Jisung says, bored. In a completely reasonable way, Minho feels that it ought to be known that Jisung is the worst best friend ever. ‘I’m being so mature right now,’ he hisses. His claws flex, and Minho takes a deep breath, scrabbling for some composure (more than his normal amount, because he’s very relaxed right now, thank you very much). ‘You’re lucky I can’t reach you right now, Han Jisung.’ Jisung takes a step back. The sparks from the spell are still hanging around him, bright and golden and highlighting exactly where Minho would scratch him if he wasn’t otherwise occupied. Jisung, probably revelling in this knowledge, says, ‘This is probably the least mature you’ve ever been, Minho.’ Then, with a very annoying smug look on his face, he continues, ‘You’ve always been dramatic about Hyunjin, anyway.’ Minho splutters. That’s just not true. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he spits. ‘Stop making things up. As if I’d ever be dramatic about— about someone like—’ ‘Someone like what?’ the thing that is occupying Minho screeches. Hwang Hyunjin, in all his attention-capturing, room-filling glory. Hwang Hyunjin, the actual bane of Minho’s existence. Hwang Hyunjin, stuck to Minho like a burr. Alright. This might be a little confusing, so let’s go through it again. The worst day Minho’s ever had, from the top.

[quietbluejay]

Ashes of Prospero 1

I'm not going to reiterate my sample commentary, it's somewhere around my blog

this is the one where we got a nice description of the space wolf home base and it's very aesthetically pleasing sounding

HES GOT A PET RAVEN NAMED NIGHTWING I FORGOT ABOUT THIS

a cyborg pet raven

you know i think Thorpe is just really into setting descriptions he did the same thing in Ghost Warrior

anyways this is very cool SKELETON THRONE oops Njal: i am going to MEDITATE Njal's body: lol nope you are going to SLEEP in the bone throne psychic vision time

this is fun

yeah i've talked about it before but i do love how the death of prospero haunts the narrative

so that's the inciting incident compassion? curiosity?

to quote my friend that's what we like to see in anime!!!!

once again njal 🤝 khayon not getting enough sleep

big mood

lmao njal: just because i'm a space wolf doesn't mean im stupid

HAHAHAHAHA

Here we goooo pear wiggler time

lmao, it sure is, in more ways than one njal, laughing meanly: lmao, all is dust

im really hoping they come up with konrad-tier insults

Njal got off lucky that it was Izzakar and not a daemon that got in, and he knows it

RIP

OOO but also wow is he short tempered

Ulrik: GET OUT Njal realizes with his psychic powers that there's nothing he can say that will help, and sulks off

and we've hit Arjac aka Mr. "Why not female space marines, that Cawl weirdo has done weirder"

Njal dramatically stalks through the Fang with a literal dark cloud around him from his emotions lmao Izzakar needles him about being volatile

so they really are basically frozen as teenagers huh

njal: anyways i gotta be honest with myself. i want someone else to make a decision for me

me when i ask the internet to help me pick what book to read next

i am genuinely unsure if Njal is meant to come off as immature through this whole sequence or not im still liking it though nature is healing my crops are watered my chronic pain is lessened

njal, diplomatically: he can hear you

oh! im gonna meet bjorn! again, i guess but first time as a dreadnought

owo

oh, i've heard of this guy i sense Shenanigans

he's got some friends along to help lmao Logan: aren't these guys supposed to be somewhere else?? Lukas: yeah okay so i borrowed them Lukas: either I go on this wacky roadtrip with Njal or I come with you Njal: it's not a wacky roadtrip!!! it's a quest!!! Logan reels back in horror at the thought Logan: you know what Njal, you need every warrior you can get

ah to be a librarian and be able to use your psychic powers to threaten your obnoxious coworkers

this sure is a different genre i've stepped into than all the other 40k novels

lukas: i am going to get a good grade in eye language, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve lukas: PSYCH

incredible lukas: i wish i had an off button this is the space wolf that canonically has a bunch of kids somehow, this is not surprising to me

arjac's coming too huh to basically play commissar ah Lukas is running around in the snow naked talking to wolves drinking their blood as you do

this is going to be interesting

what shenanigans will now ensue...

oh boy there's a 16 year old navigator oh Bjorn is coming after all

uhhhh izzakar dude how do YOU know about that

so mean :(

ah yes

can you guys get some new arguments here, I've read this one like 6x already

to be continued!

[featherlouise]

I suddenly remembered that AU of yours where Hollow is raised as a normal heir with no memory of the Abyss and I am rotating it in my head at top speeds

Do you have any more info on it? 🥺👉👈

Ok so I DIDN'T and then I thought about it for a few days and then I kept forgetting about ur ask I'm SO sry

BUT YEA

Idk how in depth I went about how PK thinks things went in the abyss so I'm gonna reiterate here,

BASICALLY he believes that every vessel other than Hollow was either stillborn, or truly hollow and therefore couldn't figure out how to get out of the abyss, which kinda makes him think that if he were to use one of these (presumably) empty vessels, how tf are they going to be able to stand against the Radiance when she's in their head. If the truly empty vessels can't figure out a simple obstacle course, how can he expect them to learn how to fight etc etc

SO basically as far as he's concerned the reason why Hollow was the only one to make it out is bc they're the only truly alive one :)

Now obv the vessel plan is scrapped after this, so PK spends a large majority of Hollow's childhood trying to figure out how to deal with the Radiance.

This means that Hollow is much closer to WL in this au :D With the immediate confirmation that Hollow is alive, WL never feels the need to distance herself from them and falls into the role of being their mother very easily!! Their relationship is very much 'my mother is my best friend' and they spend a lot of time in her gardens :)

Holly still trains with the Knights, but more as a weekly defense lessons thing than a 'ur gonna fight god when you grow up so we've gotta prepare you' thing

SO when Hollow eventually finds out about the abyss, their first instinct is to go to their mother bc surely she doesn't know, she tells them everything, there's no way she would keep this from them.

And at this point in their life, they're starved for attention from PK, but honestly they barely know him. They love him, he's their father, but only in name. Aside from the odd stilted conversation over the dining table (when he remembers to come down to eat), they rarely talk.

Part of them thought that maybe by accepting their role as heir, they'd be able to spend more time around him, maybe he'd give them some hands on lessons or something. But that ends up being wishful thinking. (bc is it really Hollow if they don't crave validation from their dad, at least a teeny bit)

When they find out about their origins (I might scrap the 'ALL their memories flood them at once' part but idk) and what they were originally made for, they throw themselves into combat and spell training, because it's always struck them as a little weird, that their father would name them heir despite being relatively young and in good health.

So maybe this is their purpose

It's quite literally what they were made for

And maybe it wouldn't be a permanent solution. But it will buy them time. Their little sister will be able to grow up. Their people wouldn't have to live in fear, at least for a while.

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

Wait if Glenn dies in this Au does Morgan go on trail ?! More importantly Mommy Jodie?!

OH ANON . YOUVE UNLOCKED MY TRAP CARD . yes! yes she does!! this is actually the part of the au i started with on tumblr, and its my FAVORITE part of this au (except for the lesbianisms XD), so im just gonna link you to that! though as a note, the designs are a lil out of date! except morgans. ive always known her. ill reiterate some of that here below, but ill try to be briefer LOL and also talk A Lot More about jodie/his and morgan's relationship in this au!

there is NOT a fifth mom. i did not particularly feel like making a wlw cop character. theres enough of those in the world, theres a reason why ive never genderbent jodie even though hes my baby girl. instead, i twisted the punishment so that jodie is still married to morgan! essentially, morgan is made to retroactively be married to a "safer" parent, who in this case, is jodie. hes as protective as she is but without the paranoia, he has a "safe" job (according to copaganda, at least, im not gonna go into a full spiel but Never Marry A Fucking Cop. please love yourself), hes an all around very cheerful and loving man who is very capable of keeping morgan and nicholas safe. the opposite of glenn, really, minus the cheerful and loving part.

(as a side note: jodie does quit the force in this au - on earth, while the moms are trapped in the forgotten realms, their missing persons case is waved off repeatedly by the police. jodie very strongly insists, a lot, on trying to push the case, but once the dads team up to try and save their wives, ala the moms in normal canon teaming up, henry just. goes on a whole rant many times about how cops dont actually care and it starts really settling in with jodie. so he quits the force to focus full time on helping their wives! post season 1, he works as a mall security guard and is pathetic about it <3 my wet cat)

morgan does not take this well, understandably. jodie does not take his loving wife suddenly not knowing him anymore very well, either! theyre both really fucking sad! i am like, seriously obsessed with their dynamic, theres so many different ways i could take it and i spin them in my head endlessly. currently, im very fond of them just like... trying to make it work? not necessarily as a couple, but as co-parents who are married. despite her apprehensions about everything jodie has going on, morgan finds him interesting and in a more sympathetic sense, feels for him in the sense that he lost his wife due to the timeline jump. jodie is just... in love with her. even though she isnt his morgan anymore, he still loves her, and hes willing to learn about this new her. even if she makes him really sad constantly. they settle into being like, weird half-friends, half-lovers, full-time parents to the world's silliest little guy (a deeply serious 13-year-old boy).

im not gonna draw anything new for this, but i will toss in a VERY ROUGH sketch i did a few days ago and sent to my dear friend cereal because i was thinking about them gfhjbdghdfj post-s1 morgan and jodie, you are sooo so funny to me

i will throw you a bone for mommy jodie, though. there in an au of this au where mercedes goes on trial instead, and so henry and jodie are gay married. jodie does count as a mom in that. hes a man mom. cereal is obsessed with it so i will likely draw out some stuff for that at some point LMAOOOO theyre so silly <3 jodie oak you mean everything to me actually

[crisscross-inksauce]

First thoughts on BATDR as a long-time BATIM fan...

Okay, first of all it was not what I was expecting at all! Almost everything I had thought previously was completely wrong. I expected that because we didn’t really know THAT much about the game all things considered. Even then, it went places I never thought Bendy would go.

For example, Ink Bendy and Toon Bendy being the same entity. I mentioned it as a half-joke to my friend after Bendy had shown up. I recognized it as a possibility but didn’t think it would happen because it had been such a huge meta in the fandom (especially the early days) that it seemed too easy. I literally said, “You know, we’ve never seen them in the same room, so...” But, whaddya know, I was unitentionally correct.

Also, I expected either the Ink Demon OR Wilson to be the villain not both of them. The subversion of expectation I expected came in a way I didn’t expect (lol).

Another example, there were NEVER souls in the ink machine???? How much of the first game was real??? What information should we keep and what information should we discard as being no longer canon??? This game clears up as much as it confuses. It’s so frustrating. (I feel like I might be missing something but I’m not sure, feel free to explain it to me lol)

Also, (in my opinion) both BATIM and BATDR are less impactful if there aren’t any real world consequences (Well, I suppose there will be in the future). I guess no-souls explains a lot but it leaves me dissatisfied. Maybe I’ll come around to the idea, but idk.

Also, Henry did NOT look how I thought he would (mostly thanks to Doberart lol.) I also wish he had a more important role in the story, being the protagonist of the first game. But I suppose it’s better that he isn’t for the story they’re trying to tell. Idk though, I feel like they could’ve given the og characters more of a limelight (besides alice, she got everything.)

Final thoughts: At this moment, I recognize that BATDR is a technically better game. But, I JUST watched it and it doesn’t stick in my mind nearly as much as the first game did. The old characters were barely present (except for Alice.) The new characters didn’t make up for it, since they’re not that memorable (except maybe Porter). The environments all look very similar to me and the cluttered art style doesn’t help. Most of the new levels don’t stick out in my mind as visually interesting. This game was touted to be SO much scarier than BATIM, but it really isn’t, like at all. There were a few moments, but not enough for the level of reiteration the devs were giving XD. I’m not sure I like how this game handled the first one, but I’m not crossing my arms just yet. I’m keeping my heart open, hopefully the next game will be better.

TL;DR: I feel very conflicted about this game. It feels like a setup and not a payoff. I found myself thinking “That’s it?” instead of, “That was awesome!!!” when the end screen came up (kinda like the first game hmm). I’m not sure I like where things are headed, but am still open to it. To be fair, I didn’t know what to think about the ending of BATIM when it first came out either but grew to love it more than anything I had originally theorized. Maybe that’ll happen here too once some theories come out (looking at you SuperHorrorBro.)

But, for the moment, BATDR is just okay. Certainly not bad, but not that great either. I feel like we didn’t really NEED it, y’know.

At this point, I'm not sure whether or not my expectations affected my enjoyment of the game. I didn't expect something better, I just expected something different. Something a little more fulfilling, I guess. Maybe that's gonna be the next game, idk. All I know is I left feeling confused(normal) and unsatisfied(abnormal)

P.S. I am not hating on this game, I think it is a good game. But I also think it has issues. I love BATIM, and am very easily pleased. So me having negative feelings about it is very surprising to me. And again, I may come around to it in the future these are just my feelings straight off the game.

This was not in an orderly fashion at all but it’s 3 in the AM and I’m tired so whatever

I'll post a more coherent version l8tr

[misslauwie]

Why hold them to a different bar?

Am a baby army. And honestly I am not sorry to say that Jimin recruited me and hes my ultimate bias within the Group. Hence why I will write this post which I think also applies to the other members as well not just Jimin.

I do wonder sometimes why BTS fans hold BTS to an impossible standard? Been reading in the socmed where some have been criticizing JM for his lack of updates in social media. How then hes perceived and called the laziest member. & im indignant by those comments floating around on the internet. Because if you follow their story, lazy would be the farthest adjective to describe them. Each one of them.

Looking back for the past 10 years, they have produce more albums than Coldplay. Coldplay themselves have admitted it during one of the interview. And their songs broke language barrier by having beats that is so catchy you catch yourself singing along even though you cant speak Korean. And when you dig down to the meaning behind their songs / music, you find a message so profound and good that is much needed in the current time where people like to tear eo down behind anonymity.

So lets become a better human as Jimin always strive and lets learn to love better. They have teach us to love ourselves better and we owe it to them to love them better too. By giving them time and space to breathe and most importantly trust them that they will come back to us when they are ready.

If you are real army, you wont miss how much content they have provided for us for the last decade. Other idols / artists at least western ones dont even operate like BTS do. BTS have given the best 10 years of their youth to army. And even if Im a baby army, I feel sad sometimes coz surely they have their own needs too. Some says its occupational hazard. Is it really? Remember Chris Martin said that he feels protective of BTS coz they dont have the same freedom like other artists do. I agree with Chris.

Need to reiterate that they are more than just idols or comedians during Run eps to lift your moods up. They are brilliant musicians that comes only once in every generation. This is clearly shown by songs that they have produced individually. They love us enough to share their love to music.. dont sour it up and made them apathetic towards music because that will be the tragedy of the century.

Actually as much as I stan them and miss them and wait for new content. Sometimes I wonder if its fair to expect them to immediately come back as a group after their military duty. Even currently they are taking time to produce solo works and go to military one by one so that army can get contents. This is very heart warming. As Jimin said their argument within the group typically stem from how they feel about army. And now please lets pay it back and forward by giving them space and time and freedom to grow more beautifully in their 2nd chapter. A love that is stifling will stunt their growth instead of letting them florish.

Sometimes I wonder why they cant be like US musicians and also live a normal life. Because they are human first just like us. They have their own wants, needs, aspirations, family... Let them breathe and live life..

I really do feel that if more army send their assurances to each members that we will still be there waiting for them and love them and support them.. and they do not need to join the rat race... then they will be able to bloom even more brilliantly and will present us the best of their music that is even more stunning in colors from their rich life experiences. Remember they are musicians, artists.. and good art is not instant or made-to-order.

So lets stop second guessing what they are doing right now, why they are not hanging out w eo so much like previously. They live together for the better part of their teenage years. I do think its healthy that they branch out and have friendships / relationships outside of their group. If life teaches me something, some people that you have bonded especially in your younger days will stay through thick and thin even though you dont spend every waking moments with them. When you meet with them again you just click and bond again. Trust after this period of growth, their bond will continue to be strong. And who are we really to judge just from a glimpse of their lives thats pretty much curated for us to see?

I get it that BTS is inspiring and we love them so much because they are relatable. They are generous in terms of sharing their personal struggles and wins. And we should be grateful that they did. But its not a standard that we should hold them to for the rest of their lives.. They should be allowed their personal space to grow. Namjoon has said that KPoP doesnt allow them time to grow. Lets support them right now by giving them time to flourish individually.

Sorry for the ramblings but my heart just ache when I think that after 2 years of gruelling military duty where im sure its physically draining, mentally challenging.. we expect them to immediately become our personal entertainers by coming out as a group. I love them, i love their content, excited when they drop content but at the same time I dont want their "black swan" song to materialize.

If nothing else, pls realize that a musician or artist like BTS dont come in every generation. So please dont take them for granted and appreciate them.

[papercherries]

My Last Partner.

I can't stop thinking about my last partner. We "broke up" months ago, but I can't stop thinking about them. It makes me quite upset but I don't know why? I understand that it's over and I am over it, but they still haunt my mind. A spectre of a love that could have been. Maybe it was because it was the first time I'd been broken up with, all my previous partners I'd done the breaking. Maybe it was because of how brutally they broke up with me. I knew it wouldn't work out from the beginning. Sometimes you can just feel it in your soul, a tokyo story styled looming feeling of death. I told myself, over and over. Don't trust this, don't fall in and then I'd immediately continue to smile with glee. If I were a blind fool I'd feel less bad about it, but I was fully aware it was coming. Especially the second time. They had "broke up" with me once before, they weren't "feeling it". They proclaimed that "I think I want to be with you but I'm not sure" or something along those lines. I understood the feeling, they weren't describing the feeling of apathy, just a general feeling that their feelings weren't pointing toward where we were headed.

So we "broke up". They always had the dignity to do it in person, I have not always been so brave. But I left and went home, I was upset for a while, drank myself into a pit but it was nothing I hadn't done before. I had started to move on. They then made a mistake, a very drunken one. They had called me whilst they were on a night out (ironically how this all started, but that's a happier story for another day). If I remember correctly, it was so they could be on the phone whilst they walked home. I had no ill feelings toward them so I obliged. We then ended up talking for the next couple hours, sweet nothings. Just stuff I think they wanted to hear and they wanted to tell me, about how much they liked me and how much they missed me. It was clawing at the parts where my heart used to be (that must be the most emo thing I've ever put to page). I told them the same, as it were true. They asked me to stay on the phone with them as they fell asleep. They apologised in the morning and reiterated what they had stated during the "break up". I went on moving on. However I wasn't allowed.

They kept calling and eventually, I would call them on my drunken nights. It created this awful cycle where we could only speak with one another whilst out of our minds. Regrettably, one night, I told them I loved them. I think I did but telling them that must've been torture. They then would ask me if I remembered what I had said, though they didn't specify what night and they wouldn't tell me what I had said. I didn't think too much of what I had said that night and so I half forgot about it. So I had to tell them I didn't remember. Eventually, we started talking again like normal human beings. We arranged a day trip to a theme park.

As a side note, I like theme parks but hate carnivals and fairs. The latter just have attractions that reduce me to nausea and I already have enough of that as is. Plus, lots of people in my home town were beaten, drugged, mugged and a few died at our yearly fair (though most of those deaths were overdoses).

So we had our day at the theme park, we waited for hours in long queues for rides that lasted less than 2 minutes. It was a strangely hot day and I had worn clothes for colder weather. It also rare that theme park queues have shelter. We had been there for hours, nothing of total note had happened. In any sense, we talked about random nothings and we got on rides. Quite late into the day, they held my hand. For context, I knew what this day was before it started. It was like taking your dog for a final joyride. I knew I'd be put down before the day was through, but in that moment. All of that washed away, my stomach was ablaze. I tried to put it out best I could but it was too late, I was already totally ingulfed in flames.

We went on a few more rides, I remember they had a real love for theme parks, or maybe this theme park in particular. They were really enjoying themselves here. There was one ride they wanted me to go on, it was the one type of ride I cannot stand. I don't mind swinging, I don't mind a roller-coaster and I don't mind haunted tunnels. In truth, I had no apathy toward this ride, but something kicked in. A childhood reminder that I was in fact , scared of heights. I haven't conquered this fear but I had learned to control it. I used to be terrified of diving and now I have done it from heights I couldn't have dreamed of. But something about this ride set me off. I refused, perhaps too quickly as it was an immediate and stern no. Their eyes were now filled with motivation and intrigue, they had immediately sensed my fear of this ride. They pulled my hand toward the ride but I continued to refuse till they gave up. I wonder if things would've been different if I had got on that ride. Probably not and there's no point wondering about the past.

We then left the theme park and headed back to the train station. All feelings of doubt I had were gone for this short period, however I could feel them growing. They would continue to do things to offset the feeling, at one point they kissed me. It was awful, I have never felt so much sadness in a kiss. We got to the first train station, as we had to get a train to get another train. They started tearing up, they then reiterated the "break up". Like a repeating motif, I could feel it's presence with a kiss. They kept asking, if I could remember what I had said, I repeated my answer till they told me. At this moment I went "Ohhhhh yeah, I remember that". They were quite surprised and I had to explain that I thought they meant something else this whole time. It was slightly humorous but the air was finally bombarded by the fact they said they think they love me too.

Why. Would. Anyone. Say. This. There are two occasions you shouldn't tell someone you truly love them. When you first meet someone and when you're about to break up with someone. The former being forgivable, just a bit forward. The latter being that you may still love the person you're breaking up with but you need to say it in a way that says "I love you but I don't want to be in a relationship with you". It's awful still but it softens the blow and is often true. This however was not that, they had never told me they loved me before this moment. Perhaps, it was to try soften the blow of what was happening, or perhaps they meant it but I would have much rather never have know. At this point they were bawling their eyes out. I had not shed a tear, I was deeply sad don't get me wrong. As much as I knew the knife was coming, you can only resist a blade to a certain depth. But I couldn't shed a tear, this was quite common for me. I find It takes a lot for me to cry whilst comforting someone else. They even questioned this, I can't remember my reply. The tears I have shed for that day must be in the single digits, I haven't been able to cry since then. Something may have broke, it will fix itself in due time.

We got on the train, I continued this comforting, they kept kissing and hugging and squeezing my hand, oh so tight. I said something that had been on my mind all day, they knew I had something on my mind but, I wouldn't tell them. But as this was the last time I would probably see them, I thought why not. This may have been a mistake as it was probably quite painful for them to hear, though, I don't know if it affected them at all. I told them their eyes were the only ones I could stare into comfortably and that they were the only person I would be excited to get phone calls from. Whilst these statements seem rather small, in my world they are mountainous letters of love. I have great difficulty staring people in the eye and even more difficulty answering a phone call. I only call one person and that's my dad and I'm never particularly excited about talking on the phone. In extension, I hate receiving and sending voice messages/voice mail. I'll be having a normal conversation with a friend via text and they'll send a voice message. I then won't reply for days because I don't want to listen to a voice message. As you can tell, these were big things for me.

We got off at our parting train station, I walked them to their platform and we waited for their train. They kept kissing me and telling me sweet things, I have no forgotten. I remember trying to give them my favourite jumper I had brought especially for them if they got cold. They wanted to but they declined. I decided not to insist as they had done the same for me previously and it was a great mental weight to hold. They kept saying "other me isn't here right now so we can just be like this". It sounds a little crazy but I understood what they meant. They were referring to their split feelings on the subject. They know they shouldn't be doing what they were doing but they continued because at that moment they wanted to. I felt the same. Their train arrived, we texted each other for maybe an hour afterwards until it was over for good.

I'm not sure if that day was real or if it was all just padding. The gourmet meal for the dying man, the last day for the diseased dog. Part of me hopes it was all padding, it would make it a lot easier to discard it as meaningless nothing. But maybe it was just a good final day, a last hurrah, a celebration of the dead instead of a funeral (I always do prefer the former). In truth, I'd rather not know. I'd rather leave as is, but they linger on my mind.

Since then, we have been in contact with each other twice. The first time was to let me know their dog had died. They loved the dog incredibly and I was quite fond of her myself. The second was a last ditch drunken attempt of me trying to talk to them in the form of asking for their etsy so I could buy a bookmark. They had gifted me one and I had nearly lost it. It planted this awful seed in my head, that sprouted into an awful plan. I asked, they replied, I admitted to what I had done and apologised. They sent their etsy, I ordered a book mark. I still prefer to use the one gifted to me, but the other is a great secondary for when I'm reading two books at once. Though it is made out of cut out paper from books. My mind wanders when I stare at it, is there a message for me here? I try not to think about it because if there is, I shouldn't pursue it and if there isn't then I would feel quite sad about it.

If they were to contact me again, whether that be a drunken dial or a heartfelt letter. I would probably respond. If they were to try to advance toward me, I would try my hardest to deny those advances. I'd try reply with anger, sadness and grief. I would try make them understand the pain I went through. Though, I probably would never do this. Because no matter how hard I'd try. I will always end up back at the beginning.