#i am so pissed that im gonna b in math

[kimikiui]

Why You Should Vote for Hakupo

Hello. Good evening, morning, afternoon, brunch, sleepytime whatever time it is for you right now. I am here to sell my little autism creature to you. This is going to be a fairly long post so, just sit tight.

The second round of polls will not be out for a couple of hours. I wanted to reblog the post with this, BUT- I have class at 3 when the polls are released. Plus, gotta get those non Hakupo believers before they vote for anyone else, amirite?

Also the stickers used between catagories are the official line stickers by Pikomaru ➜ https://store.line.me/stickershop/product/3951590/en

Reminder; It's only Shinji sweep until its Hakupo sweep.

No, I'm not putting a section breaker because even if you don't read it, I want you to see the sheer size of this... It's an essay at this point. Let's get started shall we?

What is a Hakupo?

Hakupo Tsukishiro is a energetic and powerful masculine voicebank for Utau (and amadeusy but we dont talk abt brunnnoooo). He was released all the way back in 2010 and has had many important milestones in his 13 years of distribution. Four compilation albums, 7 voicebanks, 2,500+ fanarts (that i all have), and uses by really awesome people *points to the crowd*. That's all of you guys out there. <3

Hakupo as a character is inspired by moe, thanks Clarice. Like most moe characters, he's a bit air headed and happy go lucky person. His positive attitude is sometimes brought into original songs he's featured in, which just makes me smile- girlbosses love a good pick me up song.

Also he has a stupid little coat and pants. This is all you need to know to vote for Hakupo, but I will continue forward incase you are still on the fence.

Cool Hakupo Facts

He almost has the same exact suggested range as Miku (C3 to E5)... His is actually larger... he goes higher (C3 to G5).

The "Do Re Mi FâåÁaæ↓" incident of Christmas 2020, contact me I will elaborate further.

There is a little bit of an evil twin thing going on. Yeah. This is a win.

His genderbend design Kohaku is revealed when you turn down the brightness of his official reference sheet (he pulled a scott cawthon guys).

He hates to be called cute and have his head patted... which is cute.

Despite looks- His description says he has curly hair come on guys- LITTLE FLUFF.

By looking at his official Twitter bot, there's a few extra things we can learn about him. He is very stupid, very impatient, has a horrible sleep schedule, bad at multitasking, and can't stand still (I can elaborate more on these if asked).

I wrote a 43 page Utau cartoon pilot script with Hakupo as the main character. Shameless plug.

I also wrote my college admissions essay about Hakupo. Thanks for getting me into college Bobo!

Sick Bobo Uses

Get boboed.

What does Bobo mean to me?

I found Hakupo 7 years ago now, sitting in the middle of an Utau melody. I told myself I would just turn off my tablet and listen to the music. Yeah that worked- guess who was next after the screen turned off. BOBO! I needed to see the little creature creating this melody. I turned on the screen, and was not disappointed. Fancy twink in a oversized tailcoat with weird pants. I remember rambling to my mom later about how cool he was, why he was so unique, and why this one specifically caught my attention.

He's been my special interest since then, everyone around me knows Hakupo wheather they like it or not. He's about 80% of everything I draw, 50% of what I talk about, and 100% of my little creature I snuggle up with every night.

Literally.

I have a Hakupo bodypillow. Can't sleep without him.

Anyways, he's helped me find a lot of my best friends *coughcoughmeatcoughrevcough*, never fails to make me happy, and helped everyone around me realize I'm extremely autistic. The least I can do is write an ungodly long propaganda post while drinking my coffee at 9 am.

Stan Bobo Oobieero.

Hakupo Memes for Propaganda

GO VOTE FOR HAKUPO ON @utaupoll AT 3 PM EST

Thanks, have a nice day.

[sadistic-softie]

Sometimes I need to stop, take a step back, and ask myself, "Am I ok?" and the answer is always, "uuhh?????????"

therapy gets so repetative and exhausting. When am i gonna move on from complaining about the same problems actually get to the helping part? And how many therapists is it gonna take before I get there? I'm on number...7??? 8? 9???? and i hate that every single one of them has been like, ~most therapists go through the notes and records of the patients health conditions and past sessions with other therapists, but I don't like to do that here. I like to start clean and fresh with each patient so I can hear it from them. I have your chart and all your info here, but i just wanna hear if from you~. Because im so cool and all the other therapists suck mega penis~ Like stfu and please read my chart for the love of god i dont need to go through hours of sessions of straight miserable traumadumping every single time i get disconnected from a therapist and have to spend 5 months on the waiting list for a new one. And it's so easy to just get dropped by therapists too. I missed 2 appointments ever? gone. Therapist suddenly vanished from the establishment? We can't replace them! find a whole new place! Your new therapist sucks and just tells you to get over it? Give us a month and we'll see if we can find someone else for you. oopsies! your therapist got fired! Nothing we can do about that! Your therapist forced you into a situation that she knew would put you in danger of abuse? It was her job! FUCK. I literally get better therapy from calling 988, crisis lines, or abuse hotlines for 10 minutes and they're free. Might as well just call THEM on a weekly basis since they ACTUALLY FUCKING HELP YOU WHEN YOU ASK FOR FUCKING HELP. They give you advice, comfort, support, coping mechanisms, distractions, suggestions, resources, ideas, communities, etc etc. Seriously. Therapy, in all my years, barely ever does that shit unless you're on the brink of breakdown because "why is nothing working!?" nothing's working because it's literally nothing being put to work. They're putting nothing machines in your brain factory, and when 'NOTHING' is working, no progress gets made.

Honestly. Sometimes, I feel like maybe I'm just really unlucky with my therapists. I be spilling my soul to them and begging for help and they're just like. "Hmmm...that does seem very difficult...What do you think I can do to help you?" and i just...like..."I don't know??? im not really a mental health specialist??? Like you??????" and they fucking laugh and go, "Well, that is true...hmmmmm, let me think...you seem to be doing everything you cannnn...hmmmm" God, i never show it but tht shit pisses me off so bad. The more times i hear "What do you think i can do to help?" and "Hmmmmmmm" and overly fucking drawn out words, the more 'asshole' and ingenuine it sounds. It sounds like mockery. It sounds like they think I'm a toddler trying to figure out how to manuver their first 4 piece puzzle. They sound like when teachers say "I dunno. Can you?" when you ask if you can use the restroom. Like...Do you think I'm fucking around when I say I don't know what to do? Do you think I just ask for help for shits and giggles? Do you think, "I'm feeling suicidal" is just a quirky little catchphrase? Like, fuck. Just listen to one fucking thing I say. I pay you for this. Just fucking listen to me and hear the words coming out of my mouth and process what they actually fucking mean. I fucking have nobody else and I'm paying you to help me not fucking kill myself and you're gonna fucking sit there, eating cereal, talking about how your 'poor husband' was so shy "just like me" that he didn't make the first move on you when you first met, like this session is about comparing my socially crippling mental condition to a common case of the nerves, acting like you're my casual best friend or acting like this is me learning 2 plus fucking 2 in kindergarden math class with god damn counting blocks and you don't wanna give me too many hints that give the answer away. FUCK. OFF. No fucking wonder your other patients cuss you out. I bet they're soooo lucky to have you like you're sooo lucky that im so god damn polite and articulate. You like that im so articulate, huh? You really get what im saying? How about this next one?: QUIT YOUR JOB.

[inknose]

mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

[archacademia]

25/08/2020

3 daysss n 6 moreee hours!!!

honestly i dont even know what to say cuz i accidentally deleted this post once already n im kinda mad about it.

but yes the senior test is upon us (shit is getting real). i am mostly focusing on maths (rewriting and solving tests from before) and then geography (since i studied my ass off for two years in this subject i feel like i didnt really need a lot of preparation), and then i’m not really studyin much on alb (since most of the stuff is logical and how much we understand the paragraphs given is pretty much all there is, plus i know the basics) but i did score 45/70 on this online prep test, so not that bad for someone who didnt study.

and then english.. i’m not even gonna bother.

but yeah, thats pretty much it, thats my breakfast on the first pic, i unconsciously wrote 25 sep 2012 as todays date (dumb b*tch) and mom got me those rly pretty earrings on the last pic as a gift for passing my drivers license test last week!

ps: theres a dumb fly in my room and its pissing me off by attacking me from above AGHHH

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 5: “Nothing to Report” - Jabari

JENNET 

jennet vs ethan? more like jennet + ethan😀😀😉😉

(a little later)

plan was a success, i know thats right!

ETHAN

Somehow the Pennino vote worked, and Pennino if you are reading this, you really are an amazing guy, and I hope we get a second chance someday. That being said, you are too smart and self-aware, and that is dangerous. For this round, the reward challenge is interesting. I haven't met everyone in the game yet, so I don't know if people are looking at challenge results yet, and I have done my best to have middling performances, but winning this would mean I get put in the spotlight again for winning 2 individual rewards, so that potentially makes me nervous. More than anything, I want to avoid tribal, I don't think there would be a repeat of last time if we go again. I anticipate a swap in 1-2 more votes, either to 2 or 4 tribes. Video conf coming soon :D

JABARI

The girls and I flopped on the reward challenge and Ethan came up like a beast. I really feel out tribe of 5 is doing well and hopefully we can pull win and stay together. If not I Imagine Sam will be out, as for idol searches nothing to report though I feel I am getting close.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/FM19WJ1tTmk witty catchphrase, y'know?

SAM

https://youtu.be/MrYZw3I22ms

JESSICA

Me when I found the idol: :) Me when the hosts told me I had to gamble my vote like 13 times in order to get it: :( I really wish we’d lost now so Nicole could be out and I could have an idol! If we don’t swap next time and it’s there, I’m taking the idol and throwing the challenge. Then we can vote Nicole out and I can have an idol! Will my allies be suspicious that I didn’t vote at that tribal? Not if it’s unanimous for Nicole which you KNOW I’d be doing the work to make happen. If we do swap, I’ll probably go get the idol anyways UNLESS we swap to tribes of 5 and my tribe is bad. But even then, I might as well go get it because I could play it that round if I needed to. Um not much else happened this round! I hope we merge soon.

LINDSAY

sorry ur getting text today ok im so fucin ajfdkhsakjlfhsalkjfhskjfhksjd i hate this anyways i think the tribe is split into two duos and then me - jennet and jabari /ethan and sam. pennino was kinda my duo but also eh. i think ethan has an idol or at the very least an advantage. a f r a i d not sure what to do. could stick w jennet and jabari and hope for the best or preemptively flip and try to make it w ethan and sam... i think there'll be a tribe swap soon but ajsfhsaldfhsdkj afraid if there's too few calumma come merge we'll be fucked but sokka pulled it off before it's not impossible we'll be okay depending. but if i piss off jennet or jabari calumma might not vibe w me following so i'll be stuck at the bottom of the totem pole w old not calumma and that's not a good spot to be either.  :( my "lets do something fun" says lets flip fuck it, but my loyal ass/wants to make it to merge this game ass says sticking w calumma is my best bet. jabari was posting cryptic shit last night so im gonna lead into that and see what hapepns anyways fuck this tribal. fuck tribal. i love all of these people i dont want to vote them out like genuinely there's no one here i want to see gone i HATE THIS anyways if i flip on calumma id probably go jennet bc she's a bigger threat than jabari iirc and if i stay loyal i'd probably aim for ethan bc sam is the more obvious target i... think?

JONES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApcRUkdtxm4

JENNET

going go tribal again im SUPER nervous... i formed a tight alliance with ethan and sam and i feel bad for betraying the girls but this will help propel me in the long run and i have to take this shot

JESSICA

REALLY hoping we don't swap tonight...... that way I can instantly go get the idol! Or if we do swap, I hope I stay on Calumma. I think I should have actually just gone for the idol but I was worried about needing my vote at next tribal and not knowing what's ahead. Like imagine if I went for it, I lost my vote, and I only got the idol to be good for one round. Or for no rounds. It literally would have been useless and I would hate to swap and have no idol AND no vote. At least now if we swap, I definitely have one of those things! I'm not interested in gambling everything to get nothing so it just didn't seem like a smart choice. I did consider taking it and only gambling once just so Nicole definitely didn't get the idol but that didn't seem like a good idea. She only has like a 1/25 chance of finding it IF she's been guessing every single day and even if she does find it and we don't swap, my guess is Pete will want to throw his vote on Mikey which is fine with me because that is their relationship that will be affected, not mine. 24/25 odds Nicole has no idol is better than a 1/13 chance of losing my vote right? I'm honestly not sure as I still to this day cannot do any math <3 I have been saying this whole game I think we're going to swap at 15 into 3 tribes of 5 so hopefully I am wrong! And we swap at 14 or even better do not swap at all again until the merge. At least I will know who could have the idol if we swap. Narrowing this down is useful, as is knowing that the all 3 pre-merge tribe idols likely have expirations close to final 8/9 and probably aren't good until f5. Plus I'll get the chance to try and get another idol from a different tribe (or find out that someone else already has it too!). You may notice I didn't mention my other teammates in this confessional. Well that is because none of them are really here and nothing is going on since we've been winning. I have still been talking to Mikey and Pete on and off but Lovelis seems to be pretty busy so he hasn't been here. And Nicole...... has left me on read again. We just do not know what is going on there.

LOVELIS

WOO we won immunity!! I'm anticipating a swap soon so I'm tryna stay as cool with Mikey and Nicole as I can just in case I'm put on a tribe with them again, but I do hope I can stay with Shane or Jessica in the future because those two are the ones I get on with the most for sure, and I'd feel more comfortable moving forward on a tribe with them for now! I don't think Nicole has any trust in me after the Nash elimination so I'd be more weary if I had to work with her in order to save myself in the long run, but let's see what the future holds shall we!

SAM

https://youtu.be/F0Zt0L8lScA

ETHAN

Ok this tribal is terrifying. Apparently lindsay and jabari are trying to blindside me by telling me the vote is Sam, and this could be a super good bait from Jennet to try to get Sam to idol. If they’re playing logically, they vote Sam if that’s the case anyways. It wouldn’t make much sense for Jennet to spill, not vote with us, and vote for me, I hope these people are logical, because I’m operating under the assumption that they are.

MADISON

I honestly have to laugh at Shane messing up 2 times during the challenges, us having the lowest counting score, and still being immune at the end of the day. It's truly beautiful. Daisy won the reward so she will be attending the tribal tonight and I hope she can give us an idea of how the dynamics are on another tribe. It's hard when there hasn't really been much to do on Brookesia so having a little bit of info could go a long way in this game.

NICOLE

Hello! So we won. I was having a little bit of a hard time this round if I'm being honest so I'm glad we won immunity because I think I definitely would have hit the road if we did not. Logic puzzles are really gonna be my legacy in this game huh...anyway, I have been searching for idols everyday and have not found ANYTHING except a second guess which I already used to find nothing. Even worse it seems that everywhere I look something has already been found! Which means other people have things! Which stinks. But, I think I'm in a pretty good spot if we swap after this round.  But if we stay on this tribe....yikes!

JENNET 

super nervous, i have TWO alliances with the same name... hoping that helps me at tribal so when i say the name of it, both groups thinks its them😳😳

(a little later)

told ethan and sam what jabari and lindsay have planned for them... hoping it doesnt blow up in my face

(after searching for an idol)

was hoping to vote out lindsay bc shes been playing this like shes our leader but shes the stronger competitor and i dont want to push sam and ethan too much

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-RKbRCfntNc75XUsCg7iKmFfxne0qcMt

SAMMY

i feel like this game is nonexistent lately...I do want to say Shane is lucky bc in the counting challenge he messes up like 2-3 times and i was like ...blinks.... idk but luckily we managed to escape tribal council once again so our odds going far and having numbers are pretty high I’d say? I feel like a swap is coming tho so I’m a bit nervous! My confessionals are gonna remain dry for now sorry mwah

DAISY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuVm7kTkEL4 ugh sorry its so shitty this didnt go as planned and i give up. love u all. kiss kisss

PETE

I’m pretty sure Nicole may still get numbers against me when the time comes. I’m nervous for a merge but honestly i’ll be grateful if I even make it to one for the first time lmao like at this point I may have a few numbers but I’m hoping another struggling alliance picks Jessica and I up at the merge and we can rest in majority for a little bit at the start of it. I was thinking about maybe throwing one challenge so we can either A. Vote off Nicole who is a big threat and could do damage later on. or B. Vote off Mikey who could be a secret snake which could win a couple more trust points with Nicole and maybe pick up and ally there. I’m not sure. I did save Nicole in one light by redirecting my alliance’s target from her to Nash, but in another, I didn’t side with her in voting off Mikey so she lost her ally. It’s complex, I feel like throwing a challenge AND not throwing a challenge could both be the mistake I look back on when I get voted out later on. i dunno send help lmao

TRIBAL COUNCIL

JABARI EXIT INTERVIEW

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 10- “My only purpose in this game now is to serve my ever loving lord and savior, Ruthie”-Dan

I am crying for Owen leaving.  I don't know WHO did it, I can't math and this really fucking hurts my heart I don't know who was lying about it. 

12 minutes later

I've made a zillion confessionals and the fact that lily and landen went behind my back and freaking orchestrated the entire owen vote REALLY makes me mad.  things I told them in confidence that they have probably shared with EVERYONE that is left it just really makes me EXTREMELY mad. I've got to put my game face on but I am really disappointed in all of them. Like if they would have come to me and said, lets get owen!  I WOULD have thought about it because I've said all along that they are the ones I trust the most and I'm just SO livid right now.  I have a slew of messages from Lily and like THE ONE PERSON HERE I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST GOES AND DOES THIS TO ME. Okay I'm breathing but I still haven't replied to anyone I tried  to post something witty in the house chat LOL. like abby lee miller says... SAVE YOUR TEARS FOR THE PILLOW!  I'm going to get my game face on and try to see... if I'm in good with anyone at all I don't even know.   The competitor in me knows that Owen NEEDED to go if I want to win but this was all SHADY AS FUCK.  I NEVER CURSE AND I HAVE CURSED MORE IN THESE THINGS TODAY THAN I HAVE IN A MONTH. 

WHEW. BIG WHEW. That was the most wild day of my life but I’m really proud with how I handled myself and took charge of my game. I didn’t like how things were going ruthie or landen. I crawled and scratched all day talking to almost everyone. I start the day with Owen and somehow through all this it happened. I guess that’s why you don’t settle on a vote! Landen and I were so close to settling. I was also close to voting chips. I literally changed my vote three times. Joanna then chips then Owen. I’m happy I’m making moves and finding my own but I am nervous with how this will end. Dan is PISSED. I didn’t mean for him to play his advantage but in the end I’m glad he did. I wondering how the rest of this game is going to go but I’m hoping that those who really say they have my back have my back. Owen added me to an alliance with me ruthie and dan because he trusted us most. I thought that was odd since Owen hadn’t talked game to me privately since I had voted him at the last tribal. In the end I think he would have tried to work with me but I think Owen and dan if they make it to the end they have a high probability of winning. I don’t know if I can trust to work with Dan at this point. I think he is too mad and will play me later on which I get. This game definitely isn’t getting any easier!

oh y'all are in for a treat- we doing video confessionals ALL merge kids! Welcome to the 3 part saga of the Final 11 Vote, where I get cut off by my birth control alarm, the tribal council call, and some bullshit all in the span of 30 minutes whew

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ShZLFvoQ96aSRUHBUMzuoNkxB93eph60/view?usp=sharing 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SBAw--aQAtzQCtUwSP9EaCeMRTymJ8P3/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Vyag5Bijk1-L7NyAumeYDk7z3z_Q2p6m/view?usp=sharing

Sorry for ugly crying y'all LSDJFLDSJF.  Also, this happened while the video was uploading but Dan ALSO gave me some other kind of advantage that I don't really understand I'm... confused. Anyway, I hope that things get better soon so that he and I can take on the game together. <3 https://youtu.be/745M9EmNtT4

Well well well! You know it wasn't exactly the prettiest path there, but at the end of the day, I got what I wanted with the vote. I have to admit my feelings are just a little hurt, because at the beginning of the round, when I pushed to vote out Owen with Autumn, Kevin, Juls, Jules, and Lily, Autumn was so irritated with me that she began to push the target onto me and blow things way out of proportion when I was literally just pushing a simple idea. Anyway I then had to fight with everything I have to make sure the votes were on Ruthie instead, I had to have Juls and Jules go up to bat for me, while also pitching my case to Owen and Kevin and getting all the votes back on Ruthie. I did all that work and then 5 minutes before the Deadline Kevin says one thing to Jules and that's enough to entirely shift the vote and get Owen eliminated? Like it doesn't matter when Ravenclaw is clearly coming for me (Fuck off Dan), I'm expendable, but now that they're coming for you, oh, Hell will be rained down upon us. Yeah that's bullshit, but it's fine. Unlike some people, I'm not going to let my emotions impact my game and go on a targeting tirade against Autumn or something even though she really rubbed me the wrong way today and lost a lot of my trust and faith in her. That's her bad for having a messy social game, when she could've kept me as a close ally who was blindly ready to follow and trust her and she fucked that up, so that's her mistake. Not my loss, I still have half the game wanting to protect me yo. The jury as it stands right now does not look too hot in regards to my winning chances.. :P Max would definitely vote for me I think, but Jacob C and Owen.. yeah probably not. I could see Owen voting for me but I think he's understandably pissed that he sacrificed a lot for me and it didn't go well for him. But again that was his mistake, I told him to keep the vote on Ruthie and that we shouldn't be trying to do any secondary plans, and he didn't listen to me. Everyone keeps not listening to me and it's very frustrating bc I keep being right about everything, but oh well. Sometimes that's just the way it rolls in Survivor and you have to accept it until you have the power to get what you want done DONE, that's the patience and hard work of Hufflepuff speaking luv. TENACITY! .....Now, Dan reacted to this vote terribly. Honestly I would pop off and write a bunch of essays, but let's just say Dan has always been really condescending and just dismissive. He has an incessant need for control in the game and he literally like.. BLEW THE FUCK UP because of one simple vote??? So useless, and so gaslighty. Disrespectful to act like he's gonna quit, too. Just quit then. But whatever, Dan's tantrum is just adding more of a target on his back and taking all the target AWAY from me so I'm more than okay with that!! :D I think there will also be another target on Ruthie yet again because people will still be nervous about Hufflepuff numbers. Possibly a small target on Joanna for her inactivity and just general bad position in the game (which sucks to say given what's going on in her personal life, but that's just how it goes sometimes). At this rate though what I really need to focus on is jury management and improving some of my rockier relationships, because I think after this vote, I have survival down pat for a few rounds, which is great since I also have the idol to use for later when it comes down to it. We'll see what all happens though, this has been me reporting on the mess... What a time!

My PM's are EXTREMELY dry and it really irritates me.  Right now I feel like the entire tribe (minus Dan) are against me.  Landen and I talk every morning and it just sucks.  I did a lot of thinking last night and I've come to the conclusion that Landen is running this game and he is TIGHT with everyone.  I think that I can play off that I still want to work with him and Lily but I have to figure out a way to get Jules or Juls out to weaken him.   Owen gave me a lot of information yesterday that Juls and Jules were pushing for me to go and that Dan and Autumn wanted Landen to go.  I'm pretty sure Dan will vote however I ask him to and if Autumn and I could form some kind of bond... I need to see where Lily and I are because maybe she, Autumn and I... and maybe Kevin and someone else? could work together to bring someone out of the group of Landen/Juls/Jules down, and Dan would definitely vote with us. I ultimately feel like my name is mud right now, so this round I am going to just sit back and do more listening than talking. 

It has been rough in real life for me these past couple of days. In game drama doesn't make it better. Apparently Owen wanted to vote me out and then messaged me that he was worried his name was being thrown around. I, who was in the middle of having a mental breakdown, did not respond. It's funny when all I want to do is vote with the majority I don't vote with majority. I'm really frustrated with real life right now, I don't want this game to be frustrating too. I'm still going to try my best because I want to win this game, I just wish it was easier to do so.

OF COURSE.... I tie... with the person that wants me to go home, LOL. We were talking right before results though and have maybe cleared the air.

Now here comes my favorite part of the game where we all wait until tomorrow with like 4 hours left to the deadline to scramble and agree on the vote when if people just stopped being fake and safe and all angsty about "PARANOID BULLSHIT" then we could all easily come to the conclusion that we are splitting the votes on Dan and Joanna now instead of like 10 years from now. Pls. i don't see anyone other than the 2 of them and ruthie getting votes here, and if it happens this game is cancelled.

Chips is literally the only one talking to me right now and it is SO awkward, LOL. UH.  lJFJSLF i shouldn't feel so guilty HE WAS VOTING FOR ME!!!!  I AM NOT THE ONLY BAD GUY IN THAT EQUATION. 

My only purpose in this game now is to serve my ever loving lord and savior, Ruthie

It's so quiet today! I'm trying to figure out why... Did Lily tell people about my idol in a bid to change the vote yesterday and now this is a plan to flush my idol now because they couldn't get rid of it last time? Is Lily completely loyal to me and Im wrong for even SUSPECTING that and I'm just super paranoid and really people are just busy/don't wanna come online rn? That doesn't seem to be the case... I've definitely lost before because I don't trust my gut about the day being quiet as hell. *I GLANCE AT YOU THREE HOSTS VOTING ME OUT IN THE QUIETEST DAY EVER.*  I feel like I need to do more to survive but I've been put in an awkward position because I was told last round that I am 'too much' and should stop fighting to survive bc people view me as paranoid and pushy. So I am trying to exercise some self-restraint, but also I don't want to wait too long before I have a chance to genuinely figure out what the hell is going on and change this vote. I feel like there are some likely scenarios. 1 - People know about my idol, and they're trying to flush it by spooking me out when the vote is really on Dan 2 - People are trying to vote Dan but are very worried about him having 2 idols, so they're maybe putting some votes on me as well? 3 - People are trying to vote out Ruthie and don't want to tell me and Lily because of how they think that we're the ones who worked overtime to keep Ruthie safe and they're very concerned about Hufflepuff numbers 4 - People are straight up trying to vote me after Ruthie made up with Jules last night (maybe Jules revealed that I sold Ruthie out?) I am getting really ominous vibes from just the whole layout of this vote right now. I don't like it at all and I feel like something mysterious is going on, like people definitely did something weird that I don't understand and I'm just trying to put my mind 2 steps ahead of everyone else and I feel like I'm falling backwards. I have no idea what's going on tonight but I know it's not as simple as people are telling me like people are not being honest with me and that's pissing me off because I've been nothing but honest and kind with these people, consistently. :/  WHY. ARE. THERE. MIND GAMES. RN!

Honestly, this is a make or break part of the game for me. I had my tantrum and now, I'm trusting everyone to not vote me out tonight??? Autumn did some leg work to try and get the vote on L*ly.  So I'm hoping that happens. I could play my idol tonight and throw a vote on like Kevin or Landen or somebody just in case there is another idol play? I'm not sure. All I know is that if I play my idol, I'll be here for another round for sure, but if I don't, I could be the dumbest player ever!

I... don't know how I keep getting myself into these messes, haha. I don't know what I'm going to go, here I am thinking everything is going to be all fine and dandy and kind of chill and KEVIN HEARD THAT I THREW LILY'S NAME OUT... which I didn't, Dan mentioned Autumn would vote her and I told Autumn that I didn't really trust Lily and Landen and she just kind of went with it but then... if it got back to Kevin I kind of think that it was my idea I think that I'm screwed. I just feel like there is this huge wedge between the two people that I was the closest to in this game and me now and I don't know how to fix it so I'm just going to vote one of them out??? I...  have been so messy this season, lol. I gave Dan back his idol but he says he is going to send it back to me if he decides not to use it... we are playing idol tag. 

I am a damn TRAINWRECK this round!! I tried so hard to hold myself back from talking to people a ton and getting worked up and into a frenzy about this vote but here I am, now trying to hit up like seven different people. I've never felt so confused about a vote before, it's so weirdly quiet and I have no idea why and nothing makes sense and what the HELL is going on???? Like I'm... I'm straight up lost and confuzzled. At this rate I'm just gonna drop that idol like it's hot regardless because I have no idea wtf is happening and it's better to waste it than to go out with it in my pocket, right? ...I think???? Or maybe stuff will come out and I'll feel more confident later and I won't play it, I dunno! All I know is whatever's going around right now doesn't match the vibes I normally get from these people ever and it's FREAKIN me the hell out. 

So pretty opposite of the last vote. No one is talking. No one is sharing ideas. No names. Except dan and it’s 8:30? I think it’s gonna be a split vote tonight because who knows if dan is really gonna play his idol. The only person at this point that I trust 95% is Landen. He has told me the truth about what he thinks genuinely and told me he has the merge idol. I feel a little sketched out by Kevin and Ruthie from last round but I do think they would at least be honest and tell me if I was going to be the one voted out if they knew. I’m trying hard to work with autumn but she’s a tough cookie! She has something up her sleeve and I’m not sure of what just yet. All I know is it’s hard to trust anybody out here but is that really a surprise?

tell me why this game is still stressful...when i have immunity and PURPOSELY aint trying to do anything besides vibe...WHY AM I STILL STRESSED!!!!!!!!

Hm.. found out in the last ten minutes before votes were due that a bunch of people were voting me. Unsurprising (I guess at this point...) it is led by Owen someone who is supposed to be in a alliance with me. Choices? Anyway, Jules let me know that I was being thrown under the bus and asked if I would be down to flip on Owen. Yeah. Sure. If he wants to vote me I'll vote him?? Looks like something similar is happening this round. It might not be be me but why let myself think so. Dan is the "obvious vote" because he decided he's not aligned with anyone and outed that he had an idol but the group wants to turn on Lily this round. I dunno I guess I'd be cool voting Lily? She hasn't really worked solidly with me so far and I need to get into smaller numbers before I feel safe making any "bold" plays since a lot of these people have been wishy-washy up to this point.

HAHAHAHAHA I’m at work !!! AGAIN!!!! anyways people wanna do lily but that’s sketchy bc dans idol needs flushing I think autumn is working with dan I just told landen and lily who weren’t supposed to know about the vote bc I don’t want lily to go I hoped one of them had an idol but they don’t so well. Here we are. I might’ve screwed myself over here but I think I was screwed either way tbh just with how the rounds would’ve played out with Lily going then probs Landen (dan maybe plays idol) but then me juls/jules are in trouble after that point bc I think autumn and dan have something going on and Ruthie is in on it bc she is close to dan so. Here we are. Good Luck Charlie. (I’m Charlie)

I honestly feel so bad right now.  Lily does NOT deserve this but I think that it will appease everyone and she is a great player that I would not like to be sitting at the end with, I feel like she would easily win over me. 

I just got into an alliance chat with Lily and Landen (Double L cute) with me and Autumn my F2 and then Joanna who apparently knows nothing until Autumn tells her. It's neat because I ALREADY know how I'm setting myself up not to win this season more and more as I continue to play the merge portion poorly. We are going to vote out Ruthie because she's a double agent with Kevin so maybe they are another duo in the game? Guess we'll see how this goes.

[bold]

Boy on the Bike

Read it on AO3!

Summary: Jeremy thinks he might be going crazy. That might be okay, though, because Boy on the Bike must be crazier. Crazy enough to get off his bike, wheel it up the driveway of Jeremy’s mom’s house, rest it against the house, walk over to Jeremy, and take a seat on the steps next to him.

“Why are-- What’re you--”

“You were sad. I’d feel bad if I just left you like that.”

(Or: Jeremy Heere, after having a very terrible day, meets Michael Mell, who inexplicably makes him forget there's any bad in the world at all.)

Notes: i had WAY to much fun writing this first chapter... these boys..... theyre gonna fall in love just u wait. this fic is prolly just gonna be jeremy and michael exploring smth neither of them have ever experienced before: ...............friendship (and eventually romance but shh theyre babies theyre just learning). idk how long this is gonna be but im excited for it

anyway i hope u enjoy this ride

Jeremy Heere is having a Pretty Shitty Day.

The morning began with a freshman spilling coffee in Jeremy’s lap on the bus. That should’ve been a warning sign, now that he thinks about it, that it was going to be a Pretty Shitty Day. Between second and third period, Rich Goranski shoved Jeremy into a locker and asked if he’d pissed himself. At lunch, Jeremy accidentally threw his math homework in the trash with the remnants of his lunch and had to go to class empty-handed. He mixed two chemicals incorrectly in Chemistry and the class had to move to a different lab so the room could be cleansed of toxins. At the end of the day, Christine Canigula bumped into him in the hallway and instead of apologizing, Jeremy gaped at her for three seconds before she walked away, probably creeped out of her mind.

After such a shitty day, Jeremy walked home from school and dug fruitlessly through his backpack for fifteen minutes before coming to the conclusion that he left his key in his room. He’s locked out. Of course, the one time he forgets his key is one of the rare instances in which he stays with his mom for the weekend, and that’s already terrible enough in and of itself. Reluctantly, he pulls out his phone (of course he forgot to charge it the night before, so it’s only at 21%) and sends his mom a text to inform her that he’s locked out.

He’s not expecting an answer, though.

It takes a lot for Jeremy to classify a day as a Pretty Shitty Day, because most of his days are spent uncomfortable and awkward as it is. Sometimes, though, things just stack up until he’s teetering on the brink of a panic attack before first period even ends, and that’s when the day earns the Pretty Shitty Day title.

It’s a stupid thing for him to cry over. Jeremy had been locked out of the house before, but now it feels like such a punch in the face. He has a terrible day and he can’t even go hole up in his room for the remainder of it. He feels even more like a loser than he thought was humanly possible as he sits on the front steps of his mom’s house and sniffles into the sleeve of his cardigan.

At the very least, he can take comfort in the fact that the only people who live in his mom’s neighborhood are old, deaf people. There’s no one around to watch him weep to himself like a fucking idiot.

That is, until Jeremy notices someone.

What looks to be a red speck bikes around the corner onto the street Jeremy’s mom lives on. The street is long and vacant, and the speck is rapidly becoming more identifiable. Jeremy doesn’t mean to stare, but he watches nonetheless as the person on the bike becomes a boy with black hair and a big, red hoodie. He’s not sitting on the bike, but rather riding it while standing, like some kind of dangerous hooligan. Jeremy’s eyes linger for a moment too long and the boy on the bike notices him.

Jeremy ducks his head, hiding his face in his knees in hopes that the boy will just keep going and not spare Jeremy’s creepiness another thought. He holds his breath and waits five, six, seven, eight seconds and just when he thinks the biker is gone, he hears a voice: “Hey.”

Jeremy whips his head up and, lo and behold, the boy on the bike is standing in the middle of the street, still straddling his bike, and looking at Jeremy very attentively. Jeremy blinks at him, jaw slack, and Boy on the Bike must take this as an invitation to continue: “Are you okay?”

Is he okay? No. Of course he’s not okay. He’s just had a Pretty Shitty Day, he’s exhausted, he’s sad, and he’s been swallowing a panic attack for the past seven hours. Is he gonna tell all that to some strange teenage boy he’s never spoken to before? Of course not.

“I’m fine,” Jeremy finally says, in spite of how puffy his eyes must look and how evident his trembling hands are.

Boy on the Bike doesn’t bite. “No, you’re not. You’re crying.”

Jeremy brings a hand to his cheek and finds that he really is still crying. He hadn’t even noticed. “I guess I am,” he says, mostly to himself, but Boy on the Bike hears him nonetheless.

“Are you okay?” Boy on the Bike asks again, and Jeremy doesn’t know what the fuck comes over him, but he answers:

“No. N-No, I’m not.”

Jeremy thinks he might be going crazy. That might be okay, though, because Boy on the Bike must be crazier. Crazy enough to get off his bike, wheel it up the driveway of Jeremy’s mom’s house, rest it against the house, walk over to Jeremy, and take a seat on the steps next to him.

“Why are-- What’re you--”

“You were sad. I’d feel bad if I just left you like that.”

Jeremy blinks at him and then, incredulously, bursts into a fit of giggles. Boy on the Bike looks at him, puzzled, and Jeremy wants nothing more than to stop laughing, but he can’t. “I’m sorry--” he gasps. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-- I’m not laughing at you, I promise--”

Boy on the Bike gives him a confused smile and waits for Jeremy’s giggles to die out. “You good, dude?”

“I’m��” Jeremy coughs into his sleeve and squares Boy on the Bike with a look. “I’m J-Jeremy… dude.”

Now it’s Boy on the Bike’s turn to laugh, which he does, hard and unashamed. Surprisingly, though, Jeremy doesn’t feel like he’s being laughed at. It’s not the same sly, under-the-breath giggle people do when they’re talking about him behind his back. It’s not the same harsh, sarcastic laugh bullies do when they’re calling him names. Boy on the Bike has a beautiful, contagious laugh. Jeremy can’t stop looking at him and can’t stop himself from laughing, too.

“Sh-Shut up!” Jeremy squeaks through his own laughter. His voice cracks on the “up” and that only makes Boy on the Bike laugh even harder. “You’re mean! I thought you were here to make me feel better.”

Only he’s already made Jeremy feel better.

Boy on the Bike eventually sobers up enough to articulate himself. “Jeremy, huh?” he asks, and Jeremy nods. “Nice to meet you, Jeremy. I’m Michael.”

Jeremy smiles at him. Michael. “Nice to meet you, too, Michael.” Michael, Michael, Michael. It’s a good name. “Thanks for, uh, y’know… stopping to talk to me. That was really cool of you. I could’ve been, like, a serial killer or something.”

Michael pulls a face and Jeremy is quick to inform him that he is not, in fact, a serial killer. “I didn’t really peg you as the serial killer type. I don’t know how many serial killers can be found crying and locked out of their houses.”

“How’d you know I was locked out?”

“Well, Jer,” Michael says sagely, but Jeremy can only think about the nickname he’s already been given. “I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m down in the dumps, the only place I wanna cry is buried under a pile of blankets and my own sadness.”

Jeremy sighs longingly. “That’s exactly where I wanna be.”

Michael places a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder (it’s heavy and warm and comforting and Jeremy inexplicably wants to lean his whole body against Michael’s and find out if the rest of him feels that way, too) and gives it a few small rubs as he speaks, “You wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“O-Oh,” Jeremy falters, momentarily incapable of forming words with his mouth. “I wouldn’t wanna bother you, Mi--”

“Dude, are you stupid?” Michael asks, with no malice. “I wouldn’t come sit with you if I didn’t wanna help you out, buddy. C’mon, lay it on me.”

Jeremy’s heart flips into his throat and he swallows hard before starting up on the tale of his Pretty Shitty Day. He tells Michael all about the coffee, Rich, his math homework, Chemistry class, and Christine. He tells Michael that he’s had a terrible day and he’s wanted to cry since seven in the morning and now he’s locked out of his mom’s house, which is so much worse than being at his dad’s because his mom doesn’t even care about him and--

“S-Sorry,” Jeremy says abruptly. Michael hasn’t stopped listening, nor has he moved his hand from Jeremy’s shoulder. “My mom’s, uh, a whole ‘nother can of worms.”

Michael nods and doesn’t press. “Next time, maybe.”

“Next time?” Jeremy asks, finding that his voice is suddenly too soft, too vulnerable.

“Next time.” He says it like a promise. He gives Jeremy a chance to steady his breathing before speaking again. “This is your mom’s house?”

“Mhm.”

“You don’t see her much, huh?”

Jeremy shakes his head.

“So you don’t live around here..?” Michael sounds almost disappointed.

“N-No, but I can give you my--” Jeremy catches himself. “Oh, my God, I was about to give you my home address. You’re, like, basically a stranger.” Michael doesn’t feel like a stranger, though. Michael feels like the closest thing he’s had to a friend in a long, long time.

“Oh!” Michael says, actually looking a little flustered at the notion. “No, I couldn’t ask for that--” He hesitates, looking down at his hands and fidgeting with his fingers before willing the words out of his mouth, “B-But I could, uh-- I could ask for your number-- Y’know, like, if you ever need to talk-- I just-- I mean, it’s totally cool if you don’t want to--”

Jeremy bumps his knee against Michael, who looks up at him sheepishly. “Gimme your phone, loser.”

Michael fumbles his hand around in the front pocket of his hoodie before fishing out his cell phone (a clunky old Android, which Jeremy makes note to make fun of him for in the future) and handing it over.

Jeremy punches his number in and Michael peers over his shoulder as he types in “Jeremy Heere.” “You gotta put in an emoji,” Michael says firmly.

Jeremy looks at him and raises an eyebrow. “How come?”

“All my contacts have emojis. Don’t mess with the flow, bro.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes, but scrolls through the emojis nonetheless. “Android emojis are ugly,” he comments absently, earning an offended shove from Michael. Eventually, Jeremy settles on the video game controller emoji. “There,” he says, satisfied with his decision as he hands the phone back over to Michael. “Happy?”

“Very much so,” Michael says, almost as if he doesn’t realize it, as he pockets his phone. Jeremy’s heart flutters. “Now I know that you’re not only a friendless geek, but you’re a friendless geek who spends all his time playing video games.”

That one hurt a little bit. Michael's so cool, Jeremy could tell. Michael probably has lots of friends at whatever school he goes to and probably won't even bother texting a loser like Jeremy. Jeremy must have wilted, because Michael rushes to reassure him that he was just kidding. “I have no room to talk. I do the same thing. I’m the resident friendless stoner at my school.”

Jeremy straightens up. “N-Not anymore!”

“What d’you--”

“You’re not friendless. Not anymore.”

Michael stares at him and Jeremy thinks he’s going to laugh again, but then he does something much better. Michael lunges forward and buries Jeremy in a hug and Jesus Jewish Christ, hugging Michael is so much better than how Jeremy imagined it’d be. He’s warm and soft all over, and when Jeremy noses against Michael’s shoulder, he smells like pine and laundry detergent.

“Thank you,” Michael breathes. Jeremy’s thinking the same thing. He decides maybe it was worth having a Pretty Shitty Day, if he got to meet Michael.

[inklersworld]

30 Questions

Tagged by: @uff123

Gender: female

Birthday: Jan

Last movie seen: Golmaal Again

What do you post/reblog: nature and islamic reminders/reflections

Last thing you Googled: what to wear to a bridalshower lol

Favorite blog: Way toooo many

Dream job: Research scientist would be greaaaat but I dont have the patience to complete a PhD

Dream trip: I have a huge list but the Islands in Greece would be amazingg

What would be your first entry in a new diary: probably one of my old poems

Top 3 things you love about yourself: selfcontrol, loyal and I try my best to not think ill of others

3 things you wish you knew how to do: wish I was better in Physics/Maths, spoke Arabic and drove a car ( I will sooooooon doe hopefully)

Something you wish you had discovered/invented first: memes or a youtube channel lol

3 qualities you like in a person: maintains a balance b/t deen and dunya, loyal and kind

3 qualities you dislike in a person: a huge ego, arrogance and when ppl think they are ALWAYS right (whats the word for it lol?)

Favorite planet: idk earth? lol

A resolution you make every year: to pray as consistently as I can

Something you’re better at than most people: idkkkk umm I dont swear even when im beyond pissed

Something you’re worse at than most people: emotional intelligence

Favorite thing about tumblr: that for the most part Idk whats up with ppl’s life materialistically but I get more of a piece of their mind as opposed to constantly being involved in a competition of likes

Least favorite thing about tumblr: porn blogs following me GAWD

Weapon of choice: iddkkk tbh

Something not many people know about you: I can read and write in Hindi and Urdu and I have a double jointed thumb which I use in my favor to make friends loool

Favorite means of transport: bike

Favorite story: dont rmr any atm

Chicken or egg: ckicken

Something that always makes you laugh: my bestiee

What is the strangest thing about you: I like to record my voice and listen to it sometimes lmaaaaao (how many followers am I gonna lose after this lol)

You get to switch places with someone for a day, who is it and why: honestly a poor but very grateful person so my ungrateful butt can learn to be appreciative

Tag: So I have a list of ppl to tag BUT idk if they wanna do it soooo lol if you like it then just reply on this post and I will tag you 😛

[deeisace]

Ughhh Firstly, my sore throat has got worse in such a way that my ears are sore, as always And secondly, apparently it's time to worry until I get stomachache about what I'm gonna say to the gender therapy man on Monday Like. I don't. I don't know what to say. He said to think about masculine behaviours and also to write a list of something I've forgotten what it is and also to think about like how I felt when I first thought about being trans and stuff Like. I'm gonna cry. I don't remember what I thought or how I felt, fuckin. Five years ago. I don't know my thought processes. I don't remember thinking at all about maybe This means I'm trans, or That happened or or whatever Like, there's none of this There's no start point of ughhh this is really shit and I wish I could be called another name/pronouns, or ughhh this specific part of my body can fuck off and die I don't remember that beginning I know I didn't think like that as a kid at all And I know that I was really pleased when I first got men's shirts (a red one and a grey one, I still have them and love them but don't wear them often, and I remember a friend at the time showing me how to roll up my sleeves, haha) And I remember just writing my initial for online forms so I didn't have to write my whole first name, and that then turning into Dee And I remember reading about other people's words for things, I think, and turning 'genderqueer' over in my head and thinking it's a good word But I don't remember there ever being a specific point, I don't remember the first time I thought anything, I don't remember my pronouns changing, or when I began to think that I didn't like specific parts of my body, or any of that at all So I don't know what to say to him at all. Because surely 'I don't remember it beginning, but I didn't used to feel like this and this is how I feel now' is not at all what he wants to hear, and I'm not any good at lying And then, like. Masculine behaviours. m a s c u l i n e b e h a v i o u r s What the fuck does that mean Absolute nonsense Apart from how I identify myself as a bloke, and would prefer he/him pronouns over she/her (and e/im or they/them over all else, but shhh don't say shit about that hey) I don't reckon I have any what people would say are ''''masculine behaviours'''' Like. I'm not a masculine person. There's nothing about me that says this person is masculine. There's no like behaviours or activities that place me as masculine at all I'm still exactly the same person as I used to be, except now I have far shorter hair, own only two skirts and never wear them (shhh about that, an all), and occasionally get pissed off/sad about a number of things I never used to (including but certainly not limited to, people calling me the wrong name/pronouns, that I cannot currently grow a beard, that I'm disappointingly short, when people call me 'love', etc., when I notice that I do indeed unfortunately still have such a chest as I do,) Like, I still do a lot of very stereotypically feminine things. Like I've always done. I knit, and bake, and sing, and like pretty sparkly things, and am shy and quiet, and not at all assertive nor loud nor do I sit in a masculine way or talk as some people reckon blokes do Or none a that So like. Him asking me about '''masculine behaviours''' Firstly it's a load of fucking nonsense in the first place, and secondly it dunt apply to me in any way I can think of, anyway So what the fuck am I sposed to say??? Like the first session he asked about when I was a kid, and I said about playing pirates and climbing trees, because that seemed an appropriate thing to say, and I certainly did climb trees and hit things with sticks, never mind that I also dressed up as a princess and made fairy houses in tree stumps and made mud pies and played house Never mind, also, that reading books and bugging my mum for extra maths homework was far above and far more often (especially in case of reading) than any of these other Never mind that on site as far as I remember, at least the sites I was on, with the people I lived with, there was not such a divide as there was at school, in that I played pirates with girls, and made mud pies with boys And that none of that matters anyway because I wasn't especially a girl myself I was just a kid How the fuck do I say any of this without fucking up my words Which I always do, somehow

[gontagokuhara]

me and @thisiswhatmylifeamountsto created a boyfriend for jared kleinman and here he is

lgbtrucy: idea: jared has the Biggest crush on one of his online gamer friends and while literally Everyone is aware hes gay (he told them all himself he wants them all to Know) he would rather die than admit he likes this online friendconnor finds out by accident. it turns wild

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Dude yes ((((((GAYmer friend)))))))) Nope you

*Nope you’re committed to this now - how does Connor find out? 

lgbtrucy: and i feel like jared has connor and evan over around his place and theyre playing something online and jared’s friend comes on and jared’s immediately like “evan give the controller to connor i cant look like my friends are bad at video games"and connor is like >:) whats this

and he isnt horrible at video games, he just doesnt rly care about them (and jared Knows This) so when connor starts playing the worst he’s ever played jared is pissed

lgbtrucy: “connor what the hell man, you’re making me look like shit, knock it off!!”

evan eventually catches on and he and connor just start. making the fuck out in the middle of the game and jared has to get his headset on and apologize to his friend

“dude im so sorry my co-op is making out with his boyfriend IN MY ROOM, WHICH IS REALLY FUCKING WEIRD CONNOR, anyways sorry but hes the only one here that can play w me”

lgbtrucy: and connor is a smug asshole so hes like “oh who you talking to jared??” and jared goes red as hell and is like “no one just a friend online—you Were playing against him until you started fucking evan on my bedroom floor”

and the tiniest, giggliest “hot” comes from the headset and In That Moment, evan and connor pledge themselves to hooking jared up w this mysterious gamer boy who is so obviously perfect for jared

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: THIS IS SO GOOD IM CACKLING AND CRYING Please tell me more about the adventures of Jared and mysterious gamer boy

lgbtrucy: ok So jared and mystery boy

lgbtrucy: his name is elliot, he’s half-korean, and i love him

lgbtrucy: hes goofy and more conventionally funny as opposed to jared, who’s funny by being kind of mean and using crude humor

lgbtrucy: anyways later on, evan is over at connor’s house and they break out connor’s scarcely-used xbox and send a friend request to elliot

once theyre friends, they sort of keep up appearences for a little while, playing games with him and eventually moving into text chatting and talking on headsets (connor had to spend $50 on a new headset. he was not pleased)

lgbtrucy: and one day they not-so-casually let slip the fact that they were “the guys who were fucking on jared’s floor” (evan nearly choked when elliot said that) and elliot is like !! “no way!! you guys are friends with jared?”

lgbtrucy: and because evan is a #good friend hes talking jared up “oh yeah jared is like my best friend, he’s so funny and cool and really good at video games” and elliots just “yeah, i know right” all dreamily and connor + evan know their plan is gonna Work

lgbtrucy: and connor says “maybe you two should meet up or something, i heard theres a convention or whatever near here this weekend” and elliot is like “!!heck yeah i just gotta ask my mom”

lgbtrucy: fastforward to the con: connor and evan are being dragged around by jared while he shows off excitedly but he suddenly halts when connor calls out, “hey, elliot.”

lgbtrucy: and jared doesnt know what elliot looks like. he doesnt know that its him officially. the only reason connor and evan know is bc they traded numbers and selfies so they could find each other

and elliot yells back “hey connor! hey evan!” and jared Knows because he knows his voice and he is ready to Die and break evan’s other arm

lgbtrucy: because evan Knows hes gay and even if he would rather cut off his own foot than admit he actually Likes elliot, evan knew that he thought really highly of him and What The Fuck evan???

lgbtrucy: and elliot approaches and looks at jared all smiles and asks him “jared?” and jared just kind of dazedly nods and elliot Lights Up and hugs him (jared nearly collapses) and is like “oh my god man im so excited to meet you!!!! i was looking forward to this all week since evan and connor told me about this!!!” and jared gives them A Look but hes lowkey happy

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Honestly this was all I ever wanted wow

lgbtrucy: so the four of them walk around the con, connor and evan kinda trailing behind because elliot is talking to jared about the mechanics behind some game they both like and how calculating the math of it made him really good, and it helps him w his adhd, and theyre all happy and gay(jared gets elliots number later)(and the rest is history) in conclusion im very passionate about jared and his gamer bf

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: That was beautiful I also applaud your dedication I am also v passionate about Jared and his gamer boyfriend tbh

lgbtrucy: #givejaredaboyfriend2k17

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Now that is a cause I can get behind I’m kinda laughing at imagining gamer bf finding out about jared’s obsession with bath bombs

lgbtrucy: jared whispers “love the cronch” and everyone else loses it but elliot is just ?? “what????”

lgbtrucy: its explained to him and more than anything hes confused about why he would waste a $10 bath bomb by eating it

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Honestly so am I Wtf Jared But just think about Connor embarrassing Jared as much as possible 

Because like He’s done the nice bit by getting them to meet And now he can be a little shit

lgbtrucy: “dear elliot cho we’ve been way too out of touch  life has been crazy and it sucks that we dont talk that much. but i should tell you that i think of you each night; i rub my nipples and start moaning in delight” “CONNOR WHAT THE F U C K NO”

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: I’M CRYING NO I CAN’T THAT WORKS SO WELL

lgbtrucy: while jared is Suffering elliot is just delighted at how cute he is “dont be embarrassed man its cute!!”

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: ((((((Dammit why am I so attached to this fictional fictional character))))) Also On the list of things I want for no particular reason Alana + Elliot brotp

lgbtrucy: YES they both talk a lot but theyre both very on par with each other intelligence wise so it balances out??

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Yes yes yes 

They do that thing where they both speak over each other a lot but they’re both happy because they’re enjoying what they’re talking about Plus Elliot is the one who gets her to call her friends her friends instead of her acquaintances

lgbtrucy: ye hes a good influence on everybody but everybody is Not a good influence on him

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Tell me more?

lgbtrucy: connor gets him high and he nearly drowns himself trying to race connor in a swimming contest

lgbtrucy: jared fucks his sense of humor for good. everytime someone mentions the word “dick” he laughs for ten minutes straigh

tzoe convinces him to dye his hair baby pink. she messes up the dying process and he ends up with electric pink hair

evan and alana are the only good influences 

tbhthisiswhatmylifeamountsto: So far he’s got bright pink hair, laughing at dicks and drowning Amazing ((((OK but Jared being a little shit all the time But when Elliot thinks he’s going to far He gives Jared a look Like a LOOK And Jared is sort of like Oh shit OK That was pretty fucked up Sorry))))

lgbtrucy: yes!! he uses that look a Lot when connor and jared are in the same room

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Oh yeah definitely But one time Jared, Connor, Elliot and Evan are together for a while And Elliot doesn’t have to use the look once And he’s really damn impressed

lgbtrucy: jared gets an extra round of smorches. jared decides he likes that better than fucking w connor

thisiswhatmylifeamountstoYes But Connor is really confused??? Because like Sure Jared’s better with Elliot But suddenly he’s a downright angel??? And it’s weird But one day when Connor is feeling like shit Jared genuinely helps him out And Connor doesn’t care what happened It happened And it’s good

lgbtrucy: they still fuck w each other but its more lighthearted 

nowthisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Like more “Hey I’m kinda being mean to you but it’s ok because we both know we love each other But in a heterosexual way Because we would never date Ever No Stop thinking about it" 

Honestly Elliot sometimes questioned whether he should wonder if Jared was cheating on him but he A) trusted Jared B) could see how in love Connor was with Evan

lgbtrucy: he realizes even tho theyre being nicer to each other they could never date. they get caught at evans house together when a bad storm hits and they have to stay overnight and by the time they leave theyre beginning to go at each others throats so. no chemistry there

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Accurate Wait crap what about the Evan + Elliot brotp

lgbtrucy: they get along rly well honestly theyre good influences

elliot has adhd so he Knows how it feels when things become too much nd they can bond over similar experiences

lgbtrucy: good friends 10/10 would brotp

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: I feel like their friendship is really pure Like half the time their conversations are just a bunch of compliments thrown at each other? Honestly I’m convinced that Elliot is my fave and this is really bad

lgbtrucy: elliot is the unproblematic fave

he just likes video games and his friends and his bf

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: ok but Elliot not having any close friends He’s that guy who chats to everyone but has noone to confide in etc And then he finds some online But it’s still not the same And suddenly he has five??? And like They all really like him Like obviously he knew Jared And he got to know Connor and Evan But Zoe and Alana love him too And I’m just such trash for this au wow

lgbtrucy: ELLIOT LOVES ALL OF HIS BEST FRIENDS

when someone asks who his bff is he cant choose"oh man i dont know!! i love all my friends the same theyre all really great” (crying boyfriend sounds in the distance)

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Honestly every time Elliot does something really sweet/pure/nice Jared cannot handle it At all Because !!!! MY !!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND !!!!! HE’S SO CUTE But going back to drunk Jared Imagine drunk Jared with sober Elliot

lgbtrucy: "HI DID YOU KNOW I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND ELLIOT HES REALLY NICE AND CUTE AND R ES LLY GOOD AT VIDEO GAMES”

lgbtrucy: “o….oh really?” elliot is dying blushing at this point

“YEA HES REALLY GOOD DID YOU KNOW HE USES MATH AND SHIT TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES? IT SOUNDS LAME BUT HES RESLLY GOOD. AND ALSO VERY CUTE DID I MENTION I LOVE MY BOYFRIEJD HIS NAME IS ELLIOT”

someone (probably connor or zoe) is recording at this point. evan is near tears lauging. elliot is In Love

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: When Jared watches the video in the morning he gets really nervous because he hasn’t seen Elliot that morning But when he does “So I hear you have a boyfriend named Elliot and he’s really cute? Interestingly enough I have a boyfriend named Jared’s who’s really cute - look how much we have in common” And Jared dies

lgbtrucy: DHSHSHS YES THATS SO CUTE (connor posts the video. it goes semi-viral. jared dies for a different reason)

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: (Jared moans that he’s lost all of his street cred Nobody has the heart to tell him he never had any in the first place) OK but how often do Jared and Elliot so they’re going on a date And then the next day everyone finds out the ‘date’ consisted of beating each other at every single video game either of them owned

lgbtrucy: elliot is always swooning over these “super romantic” dates and everyone is like ??? jared?? ROMANTIC??? and its a big thing trying to find out just what jared and elliot do

turns out these romantic dates are playing video games for 10 hours and then going to mcdonalds at 3 am and sharing a milkshake

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Like when they find out everybody sort of wonders why they expected anything else 

They met in person at a con through a shared love for video games after about three months of planning because neither of them wanted to make a move

lgbtrucy: elliot, unironically: jared is the most romantic person in the world everyone: that sounds fake but ok

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: But I feel like Jared would be a really attentive bf Like he actually pays attention to what’s going on in Elliot’s life Like the day he has a big exam he has everything 100% prepared to congratulate him/cheer him up depending on how it went

lgbtrucy: hes a really good bf but only like…..secretly. he has to keep up his Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman appearance

physical affection is where he hesitates tho hes v awkward with holding hands/kissing/cuddling. elliot has to initiate all of it

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Elliot so called him that once to make fun of him but it’s stuck now and they can’t get Jared to stop coming into a room announcing himself as the INSANELY COOL JARED KLEINMAN 

Elliot felt awkward about it first because he wasn’t sure whether Jared was comfortable with it and he didn’t want to make Jared feel bad But then they have a long, way-overdue talk and work out how things are gonna work

lgbtrucy: its not from a lack of interest that jared doesnt initiate it he just. where do u put ur hands. is it weird to just kiss ur bf randomly. fuck evan was right hands DO get sweaty abd [panic alarm] but as soon as elliot touches him hes like “nice” and is totally into it

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: OK honestly I’m so sad that Elliot doesn’t exist he’s literally Jared’s ideal boyfriend this is such a travesty

lgbtrucy: make elliot famous

THE ELLIOT PROJECT

except its me posting at 2 am about how much i love him

[17-scenarios]

Studying With Mingyu, Seungcheol, and Jisoo

This is basically just fluff, fluff, and more fluff :’) happy reading! (also it’s low-key ironic b/c i wrote this when i was supposed to be studying for a math test oops.)

- Admin Erin

Mingyu 

i feel like Mingyu would be the kind of friend who tries to stay focused but just can’t bring himself to sit still and be quiet when one of his friends is with him???

like if he was by himself he would be fine but nO

his best friend (you) who also happens to be his crush since forever ago had to have dragged him along to the cafe on campus to study

he’d plug his earphones in and be all relaxed and stuff but that’s until you start asking him for help on a few problems

his concentration would be dragged away from his laptop screen (not that he would mind it)

oh and sNACKS

and coffee

LOTS OF COFFEE

once you tell him you understand the problem he’ll continue to check on you (aka pester you) every few minutes 

it low-key pisses you off but at the same time 

it makes you v happy that he cares :’)

and just imAGINE

“hey mingyu, could you help me out with this?” 

and he looks up at you with thOSE EYES

and a little teasing smirk on his face like

“do you need me to help you with everything?” 

and when you protest (”no of course not now shut up and help me”) he’ll chuckle and shake his head slightly

“i’m just kidding. geez”

Seungcheol

oml i just got so inspired by ^^ that gif

i feel like you wouldn’t really need help, but instead you were just working on a research paper or project that you’re really determined to finish

and of course you need someone to keep you company while you work (aka someone to help you not get distracted)

and so you drag seungcheol to this nice little picnic table on campus, pull out your laptop, and start working

your conversation is as follows:

“why’d you bring me here if you’re not even gonna talk to me??”

“because you need to keep me on task.”

and then he flops to the grass and lets out the most irritated groan you have ever heard like

you’re scared he’s gonna scold you like that one time you interrupted him as he was writing some lyrics

“please seungcheol??” 

he doesn’t reply and you roll your eyes, returning your attention the computer screen

he lets you work for about fifteen minutes before he stands up and gives you a back hug, resting his chin on top of your head 

“i’m bored”

“so am i” is all you say as you continue writing

“well, i’ll entertain you then” 

and then he starts tickling your sides and as your best friend, he knows how ticklish you are there

so basically studying with intermittent tickle fights

IM SORRY IM TRASH FOR FLUFFY SEUNGCHEOL

Jisoo

OK SO i have a friend who’s taking Intro to Psychology and 

this was basically inspired by one of her snaps (on snapchat lol)

so after classes one day, when you’re heading to your job at this preschool you work at, Jisoo comes up to you

y’all haven’t really talked before now so you’re kinda shy ://

“hi, I’m Joshua. you’re y/n, right?”

tbh you feel a bit pleased that he knows who you only have Theology with him and that class has a crap ton of ppl

you agree and he smiles, showing off his cat eyes and you realize that wOW he’s really cute!!

“um... y/n, i was wondering if you could help me out with a project?? you work at the daycare near here, right?”

“yeah... why????” (ok this dude is cute as hell but how does he know where you work...)

“ah, um, for my psychology class we’re doing this thing where i have to observe little kids, so i didn’t want to seem strange, just walking in without telling someone, so i thought that i should ask you first”

HES A GENTLEMAN TOO OML

“of course! i was just heading there now”

when you get there, the little kids all crowd around you (you’re secretly their favorite) 

“okay everyone, this is Mr. Joshua, he’s-”

“is he your boyfriend??” one of the little girls, Catherine, asks, and a blush spreads across your cheeks like freaking wildfire

“nononono, he’sjustheretoworkonsomethingforhisschool!”

you spoke way too fast and awkwardly b/c now all the children are jumping around and shouting “ms. y/n has a crush”

so let’s just skip the awkwardness between you and joshua and get to the fluff

so the little kids adjust to him and they absolutely LOVE HIM

when it’s time for their nap he lies down next to one little boy he’s really taken a liking to and he sings a lullaby to him to help him fall asleep and wOW

he’s a gentleman, cute, and he can sing exceptionally well!!!

in the end, he falls asleep on the floor with the kid and it’s probably the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life

holy crap this got really long i’ll stop here before i wreck my bias list even more lol

[nctexto]

I'm doing okay so far considering it's only the second week back 😅😅 ,, I took all college level classes for my senior year (except for my pharmacy technician class) but I think I'm okay so far. I actually am keeping up in calculus and my govt teacher is absolutely amazing and I got my SAT scores back today and I did better than I thought!! Now I just got to get my ass in gear for college scholarship essays. But choir sounds fun!! I have the voice of someone w/ strep throat lol ~ptg anon 💛

also,, idk if you would count yourself as a universe but have you seen the stuff for their comeback??!! I'm still kinda sad that edawn and yanan won't be in it but yuto looks so good in his photos!!! ((Although let's be real all their outfits are shit especially in the group photo do you know which one I'm talking about lol)) ~ptg anon 💛

Ugh mood I took like all AP and high level classes senior year hahaha. Pharmacy Technician?? Whoa!! That sounds awesome! Is that what you want to major in or something? GOSH I HATE CALCULUS. THAT WAS THE ONLY MATH CLASS I EVER GOT A B IN ):

Ahh choir is so much fun! I’ve been in some from of choir/chorus since I was like... 4 hahah. A year shy of 20 years now :))) I don’t think my voice is anything spectacular haha. Like, I’m not terrible, but nothing special. Average I suppose haha. I know how to carry a note ahaha. I would love to take vocal lessons honestly just so I could be a bit more technical. I know some things and how to do them right, but I’d love to learn more. I BET YOU DON’T SOUND THAT BAD.

AHHH YES I HAVE. I AM SO EXCITED. IT’LL BE MY FIRST PENTAGON COMEBACK (I mean I’ll exclude the Japanese Shine). I’m so sad Edawn and Yanan won’t be in it though ): Like.. Yanan my baby ): I WANT HIM TO GET BETTER THOUGH, SO I’LL WAIT FOREVER FOR HIM GOSH YUTO LOOKS SO GOOD. AND JINHO??? HOLY SHIT. I feel like... if you just ignore the bottom half of their outfits.. they’re fine haha. WAIT KINO LOOKS ADORABLE TOO. AND SHINWON. AND THEY ALL DO THOUGH. But their outfits... heiofnoiwsdkx. (Jinho’s one outfit... The green jacket with the checkered black and white... no thanks... ahtfouwjecksd. okay it’s just the pants really the rest is fine as i sAID JUST IGNORE THE BOTTOM HALF OF THEIR OUTFITS AND IT’S FINE). I’m excited to hear the songs! It does look like they’re going to be fun! :D

[adambstingus]

Are You The One Season Finale Recap: Just Put Me Out of My Goddamn Misery (PART TWO)

Since everyone bitches and whines about how long my recaps are, I separated them into two parts. Pick up a book, you lazy pieces of shit and read part 1 here >>

Chuck is like, were not going to win so next match ceremony Im picking Britni and everyone is like Chuck and Alec start yelling at each other and having a food fight, which pisses off Alec more because hes a firm believer that you should never waste food.

Alec: WE SHOULD NEVER QUIT Chuck: Eat a dick dude

Chuck goes up to push Alec, which is a huge mistake surfer brah, and Alec shoves Chuck to the ground like hes made of paper. Alec, congrats, your ovaries have officially transformed into a small chode of a penis. Gotta start somewhere.

Britni is like You would shove Chuck, who btw looks like a Ken doll version of the lead singer of AFI, for money?! Thats some shit ONLY poor people would say. Britni, people have done way worse shit for way less money. Read a book, tune into the news, watch Empire (or read my recaps).

Rashida and Devin are like And I agree. I did not sit through 10 weeks of this retarded shit to watch yall give up.

Devin is like If I can get this fresh batch of mentally incapable humans to win this stupid fucking reality show, it would be equivalent to the greatest feat in sports history. Which sport? Speed walking? Turn on ESPN Devin, I fucking dare you.

Zak and Hannah are mourning the fact that they arent a match, and tbh, I am too.

Cheyenne is talking to Devin about how he is disrespectful and is like

Devin: (actual quote) Im a shit head, but not a total shit head. – I honestly dont even need to try and be funny for these recaps, they all say enough stupid shit where I dont even have to try.

THE GAME

Chuck is like, I was hammered last night and said dumb shit and Im going to actually play this thing. Thank god Chuck, otherwise I seriously would have cunt punted you, and your little dog too! (Britni)

The game is the easiest one of the season: its an obstacle course with girls sitting on their back. There is a true/false section, where if the team guesses it right, then they get 30 seconds off their time.

Zak and Kayla are in first, which is crazy because Zak might be the smallest out of all of them. Alec is terrible with this shit and is back to being a giant bitch.

Melanie and Tyler go to the true or false thing, where Mel admits she offered Chuck a threesome, which is a new low.

Kayla and Zak win, being the Italian stallions. Rashida and Devin get second and Mel/Tyler get third because they answered the question right- aka, Mel is a closeted freak.

Stacey is talking to Nelson about how she has no idea who her match is and shes talking so fast I could have sworn it was a Gilmore Girls episode. You can def tell Stacey is fucking hammered in this, but its cool. I love Stacey. And apparently so does Nelson. Okay whatever.

Meanwhile, Alec is flirting with Amanda and Kiki is like WTF. Which is literally her reaction to everything- WTF.

THE DATE

Theyre hanging out on fucking boat that doesnt even have a bar. That sounds like some Life of Pi shit.

Devin and Rashida are flirting and shes like except this shitty white guy with a butt chin.

Zak and Kayla are like you remind me of my family so they must be a match- some fucking Freudian shit right there. Chelsey the aspiring psychologist is probably fucking creaming her pants somewhere in the distance.

Tyler and Melanie are like, were besties and Tyler thinks thats code for match but Mel was like,

THE TRUTH BOOTH

The group makes a smart decision for once ,(they probably all broke out in hives afterwards because we all know they are allergic to brainpower), and send Zak and Kayla to the truth booth. Hannah is like Hannah save the stupid lines for Hunter please, babe.

Zak and Kayla make their way to the truth booth, looking like a set of fraternal twins walking into their grandmas 90th birthday. Not gonna lie, Im stressed right now. Im on bottle number 2 of wine, and shit is REAL rn.

Results are in and- THEYRE A PERFECT MATCH! YAAAAAAASSSS.

Everyone is screaming and jumping while Hannah is like, . Its okay Hanz, its not like these matches are real. Those rules arent even real! They were real that day I wore a vest!

Alec and Kiki are flirting and they are drunk AF and Kiki is like Shes talking about how she got stupid fucking matching bracelets for her perfect match and Im like

Devin is doing his shit math again using red solo cups, I feel like an algebra class is being taught in a frat house. Aka this shit is dumb AF.

They determine there are two scenarios- one where Kiki mtches with Alec, and one where she doesnt. Guess which one best friends forever bracelet Kiki wants?

The decide to use deductive reasoning and rationality.

Jk, they decide to flip a fucking coin. I CANT RIGHT NOW WITH YOU PEOPLE. Hunter is like Here is a quarter and ew, I dont trust anyone who has change offhand like that. Get a fucking debit card, you hillbilly fuck.

Kiki is upset because they get scenario one, but you know if the coin flipped for the scenario she wanted shed be like PERFECT! ITS ALL SETTLED, THIS COIN IS HOLY.

Tyler is like, Fuck your heart Tyler, fuck it. Austin is like WOAH you need to figure this shit out. Like I dont mean to sound aggressive, but if you fuck us all over were probs gonna stab you.

Never did I ever think that the game would rest in Tylers hands. Take a drink to that.

THE FINAL MATCH UP CEREMONY

Devin is like, there is a high possibility we lose- not high, almost definite. But he thinks they chose scenario one for a reason, that reason being a coin flip.

Ryan gives some speech about love and how they need it and its like, save it Ryan. Empire comes on in 20 minutes and I need to get this show on the road.

Austin is first and he picks Britni– basing it off the fact that he wanted a girlfriend who would be a ghost for most of their relationship and they would get together eventually when it was convenient. You know what thats called? A fuckbuddy. You came on a reality show to find a fuckbuddy. May I suggest Tinder next time?

Hunter is next, and Ryan is like, do you all have a strategy? And hes like clearly fate isnt on our side, so we decided to do a coin flip. So, fates not on your side, and you decided to rely on it again? Seems legit.

Ryan is like, And Connor and Chelsey are like

Hunter picks Hannah, which is a weird match but whatever I dont care anymore. Im gonna be honest, this whole season I thought Hunter was secretly gay.

Devin is up next and he picks Rashida. Rashida, girl, I have been praying for you. Clearly I am a sinner because my prayers have not been well received. My b.

Tyler is up next and were all on edge. Hes like I think Melanie is my match truly and this is the biggest plotline he has had all season, so hes rollin with it. Tyler ends up picking Cheyenne, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

Alec picks Amanda, and Kiki is like WTF (again). What is she gonna do with her bracelet?!!!!

Nelson picks Stacey and RyDev is like, And shes like, Okay, thatll work. Cant wait for an invite to the wedding.

Chuck is up next and gives an inspiring speech. Well, it would be inspiring if he wasnt talking to a band of idiots who put their fate in a coin toss and if he didnt look like a homeless folk singer.

Chuck picks Melanie. Shes like, well this sucks because well never date because hes still fucking Brittni. Maybe you can get that threesome you wanted, skank.

Kiki is last, and ends up alone, well, because her match is Mike. #tbt to Mike. LOL. She shows those bracelets to Ryan and Ryan tries so hard not to fucking vomit on her. Kiki is like I am not confident at all Mike is my match and honestly, ditto.

The beams and RyDevs dramatic hand motions begin. They get 4 beams, which they have never gotten before, so #progress..They get a 5th, then a 6th, then a 7th. Everyone is on edge as fuck, and I am stunned into complete silence at home. Even my boyfriend, who has migrated out of the room is whispering no fucking way to himself. Idk if he is saying that because hes surprised Im silent for once, or surprised that they just might actually win.

They get 8 OMG, They literally need one more to win the fucking game. Im shaking.

THEY GOT TEN BEAMS! THEY WIN THE FUCKING GAME.

MIRACLES HAPPEN (queue song from The Princess Diaries)

MTV IS THE LAND OF DREAMS

IM CRYING

IM SCREAMING, I FEEL THINGS

Okay, Im back. Wow Im hammered. So its made clear- either MTV is a magical place where miracles prevail, or this shit is staged AF. I mean, we all saw The Hills.

Wow, thats it for this season and this truly unique group of escaped mental patents. Thanks for reading, even though, lets be honest- I made your shitty Thursdays infinitely better. And to the cast who read and tweeted me, thanks for having a thick skin. Low key surprised I havent received a death threat from Britni by now. Good luck existing in the real world, you all are sure gonna need it. And if youre ever in California, come buy me a beer, because god knows I deserve one for putting up with your shit.

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-season-finale-recap-just-put-me-out-of-my-goddamn-misery-part-two/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/178560286887