#i am so worried ugh idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelicstalker · 4 months

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I miss you more than I know how to admit or describe.

#i feel pathetic for you.#i want you with me #i want you in my arms i want to hold you still for a moment while the world races around you #you dont deserve what youre being put through #i am so worried ugh idk #mine #i want you to be vulnerable with me and i want to let you cry and take care of you.#you deserve so much comfort and safeness my dear.#not this stress...

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bookinit02 · 26 days

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thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah

#i’m so fucking. Exhausted #having to so carefully budget every single dollar #and feeling like a failure if i want to get like. some fancy cookies or something #or a nice blanket #and i am paying back my debt but also taking on more every year #and i personally don’t even feel that bad about it. like as long as i can afford the monthly payments idc #but then i see like three million tiktok/youtube videos shaming people who have less debt than i do #and im like. well ok.#like i am Trying idk what else to say😭#but i don’t want to try this hard like i’m not strong enough #i don’t have the work ethic or desire to scrape every penny into my savings like.#i just want to be able to buy fun things and see my friends #not even like. anything crazy expensive😭#i want to go out to a bar for karaoke without feeling guilty about the drink prices #it’s just. sooooo fucking frustrating and i’m worried it won’t ever end #sorry for the rant i am just spiraling a little bit😭#i’ll probably delete later #like i am Fine and actually doing really well rn #but i am so sick of not being able to afford to eat #and even when i start getting paid i still have to be so so so careful with my money #which i am. historically not good at doing #UGH #sorry😭#will delete #personal

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opera-ghost · 2 years

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me laughing at the same jokes i’ve heard 1000 times every time i listen to/watch a recording of phantom

#and i swear it gets funnier every time!#was dying while listening to an audio today #(it was specifically nehal joshi during the il muto ballet)#(i could not stop laughing and i couldn’t even SEE him it was just his delivery)#(ugh he’s so funny i love him)#poto shitpost #also side note im about to go on a tangent #but my phantom hyperfixation runs so deep and i have so many thoughts about it #i have at least 100 posts in my drafts about it and i’m not exaggerating #they’re mostly silly memes but it’s still like an overload of posts about phantom #and i’m like. insecure about how much i think about it???? and how much of my headspace i dedicate to it????#so i keep the bulk of the memes/random posts in my drafts because i just feel weird about posting so much #i really could post about it 24/7 if i didn’t have to be a Person with Tasks #and idk i think im just hyper-aware of how i present my interests in daily life while offline #i am someone who hyperfixates and obsesses and while i could talk about phantom for years i am terrified of annoying people with my interest #i’m worried about being perceived as weird so i kind of flatten myself to make myself more palatable for others #which has me being insecure about the things i’m passionate about and how deep that passion runs #and these feelings have bled online to the specific space i have created as an outlet for my passion #like it’s my blog i shouldn’t be censoring my love for a thing that brings me joy #but my fear of being othered is like. overtaking me. because there are many things that i can’t change about myself #that categorize me as an ‘other’ (sexuality identity mental health etc)#and this is something i can control. i can control how i portray my personality #so i flatten my personality to compensate for the other (perceived) weird things that can’t be changed #idk i just shouldn’t feel the need to do that here bc pretty much everyone on here is super passionate about something #like obsessive about it #and that’s what i love about this site with all its faults. like this is a space for people to come and Be Weird and Act Strange #and everyone just accepts it #and also the phantom community in general #why should i water down my love for phantom in the one place where people can understand it and relate to it???#hit the tag limit but i’ve come to multiple revelations while typing this lmao

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triglycercule · 28 days

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killer should know about dumb video game meta stuff ike i-frames and animation cancels and critting amd breaking out of bounds and use it to his advantage in fights. maybe he learned it from chara in something new as a silly little thing to try out because theyre already teaching him all this bullshit on killing so whos to say a video game character cant learn a player's cheats?? he's already interacted and collaborated with a player before i think its fair he knows tricks on how to cheat undertale's fighting system

everything's all fine and dandy in a fight against killer (no it isn't) until you see him glitching around and somehow phasing through your attacks. he looks ridiculous but it gets the job done

#i have no idea if any of these mechanics are actually IN undertale #theyre just some ones i came up with in games i play #i mean if they don't exist in the ut fighting just like. pretend they do idk????#i just think it would be cool if killer could do that. he fights dirty and when i mean dirty i mean totally cheating #SANS UNDERTALE CHEATS WHY CANT HE!!!! but he gets to cheat in a more game breaking way #when you fight killer there is no YOUR turn and HIS turn its ALWAYS his turn. and youre just helplessly attacking during it #guys in this one im not talking about meta awareness im talking about loser META strats. most effective tactics available #stage 4 chara wins ahh acting like a goddamn sweaty gamer. because what am i supposed to interpret with chara wins????#chara wins means NOTHING to me??? i can only assume that it means killer either acts like chara or fully listens to whatever chara wans #boo boo boring im a VIDEO GAME PLAYER not a goddamn psychiatrist. i will always choose the more fun option #killer becoming like chara/player is infinitely more cool than him and all the psychological stuff going on in stage 4 to b obeying orders #yeahhhh like sure there probably IS a bunch of crazy stuff in stage 4 related to psychology but also #unga booga character act like YOU cool idea. besides stage 4 is almost never elaborated on #so to me that's up to personal interpretation. everything is personal interpretation if not brought up #i say as i make the most ridiculous unfathomable headcanons for the mtt just because the topics aren't mentioned #I HAVE FREE WILL I HAVE FREE WILL MY MIND HAS FREEDOM I CAN POST ANYTHING I THINK ABOUT #ok thank god because i hate having to worry about my posts #ok i dont have anything left to say about this hc so im bringing up SOMETHING NEW (haha)#killer reminds me of I'm High!!! by maretu. except replace all mentions of a girl with w a person for chara #and somehow manage to work around the mentions of love and romance. because i really really dont wanna make killer into a kid diddler #but aside from the mentions of love and specific gende??? i think it fits!!#ugh so many songs fit killer ITS NOT FAIR!!!! i can NEVER find songs for horror.... am i not looking hard enough ☹️☹️☹️#im hard #actually i found a song that fits horror lets GOOOO maretu coming in clutch with NAMIDA ‼️‼️#dokuhaku does too :3 maretu my glorious king how many great songs of yours fit the murder time trio #killer sans #murder time trio #sans au #utmv #tricule hc

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carcarrot · 4 months

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i guess im being offered the job lol

#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview #but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates #like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job #like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk #im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer #this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out #well thats life. as the song goes #fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing #bc the monthly pass id need for the new job #costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny #crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job #its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting #plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good #sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here #UH. what else #well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time #although ive only resumed reading recently lol #idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up #these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher #only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain #why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books #ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it #finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm

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cloudd-nyne · 5 months

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#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months

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#man i was like y tf am i so tried i didnt do shit today but no i got like 5hrs sleep. walked to the store in thr 12F weather. carried back #all my groceries. walked to the police station to get keys to the autoclave. read 40 slides abt anime. started redoing a tutorial #and spent 45 min on the phone giving my intake info for a new therapist. everytime i give the spiel it gets more exhausting #it feels so dramatic like whatever ill b fine but no im seeking help for a reason bleh #but now im tired and worried abt the semester bc itll b a lot. many plates to juggle with a fragile mind #my old boss was like u have an ambitious plan for the semester and im like oh boy well see how this goes #hopefully itll b fine once i get in the groove. just go one step at a time #currently i just wanna redraw 4lways sunny screenshots but idk what ones to draw #but should sleep. i gotta write a long email tomorrow morning for a class intro bc look at me im a professional who def #does not have underlying emotional problems. ugh. idk if i described my mood stuff right to the lady on the phone but like i got diagnosed #as b1polar for a reason idk i just still feel like its fake. like ill look at the checklists and get mad when i get a positive result #which is weird bc its like. u went to 3 doctors and they said the same thing shut up. ugh whatever. i need to sleepy #unrelated

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roughentumble · 9 days

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this logan kinshift is making me REALLY want a deeper voice tho i am like drooling for T

#my most shameful secret is that part of the reason im scared of T #is that there's this stereotypical “T voice” that gets you really easily clocked #and i dont want to end up sounding like that #which makes me feel like an asshole. lots of lovely people sound that way #but i would prefer to have. a different sort of deeper voice #and hopefully voice training helps with that #but i do actually like my voice i just want it to be deeper #and i am a littttttllleee worried that i'll go from [thing i like about me] to [thingbi dont like anymore]#like it feels like i would be too lucky to have something that's good and then transforms intoa. different but also good thing #but i'll also get so much euphoria out of being different and deeper voiced!!!!#and i'll have to be on T for a long time to get the full effects on my voice and to truly see if the acne gets under control #and peters off #and i just. ugh. oh great another medication to be on #but its a medication that'll change my body how i want it to change so????#IDK. CONFLICTED.#but right now oh my god. oh ny god. the intense need and urge to get harrier and deeper voiced is so fucking real

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uygfiug · 1 month

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i dont feel so good :(

#mine #exam tomorrow but i havent studied at all #& my cat is asleep on me rn & i dont want to disturb her #idk i just feel like shit suddenly #i just want to hang out at the graveyard im so done with all this #i really dont want school to start up again its getting too close #my mental state is all over the place today #i did only sleep 4 hours though #so its probably that #but ugh #i went from being in the best mood ever & super confident to this eughhh #i am looking forward to seeing more people again #but like #my closest friends changed schools & one of them already kinda stopped talking to me?#we only ever talk if i reach out first #which is fine but idk how im going to keep that going #all my other friends have other groups they moved to #& i havent really hung out with any of them in a long while #so im worried ill just be alone anyway

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barkingangelbaby · 4 months

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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao

#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision #im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful #life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy #oop very emo thoughts incoming #life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing #im just. struggling very hard this year. idk #i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it #and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh #idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and #all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety #and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been #bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long #but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore #idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days #ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk #a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no #like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life #its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma #and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them #like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please #please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room #i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic #i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle #(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken

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chiistarri · 7 months

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imsoo normal about guys byw

#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die #fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die #cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh #i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever #this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi #the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare #serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home #everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump #anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms #killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti #save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight #on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work #lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush #cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav #the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms #i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him #sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls #i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim #all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family #noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me #sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep #ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep #post #erics tag #delete later #serenity needs this as a ref in the morning #i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason #shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much #gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb

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mooodyblue · 1 year

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#i want to slam my head against the wall #i've been feeling constant anxiety since friday and i think it's starting to take a toll on me bc i've felt super sick for #the past 24 hours and i know what's causing it but i'm trying to not focus on a specific aspect of it but im so tired of this feeling like #it's a constant feel of worry for no reason and its been hard to breathe my head hurts i'm nauseous im shaking constantly #idk what the hell is goin on i just want to nawt feel like this so i can try and write but my stupid little thoughts are just !! so bad and #i just want to not think!!!! i want to not feel things!!! i want to stop feeling this way!!!!!#this sucks so bad i don't like feeling this way at all i hate it i hate it i hate it #there's nothing to be done to fix this either it's just my stupid brain overthinking i want to just #ugh #distractions are hard #writing would help me rn honestly #and i miss elvis i hope he knows i'm trying like im really trying but it's been hard #i really am trying

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gnc-tits · 1 year

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girls they are filling my vyvanse 🙏 finally

#mmmmmmm generic brand mmmmmmmmmmm 😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋very epic and cool slash srs baby!#i start ummm thursday and. that Is also the day me and my boyfriend go on a trip so idk im a little hashtag nervy #maybe ill just start them next week or smthn #ugh but i need to catch up on schoolwork #okay ill start them thursday i just hope i dont get any gay freaking side effects #i read somewhere that taking vyvanse w wellbutrin can lessen the side effects by like. preventing you from crashing as much? idk but im also #worried bcoz loik. my psych said tht taking them at the same time can cause ur heart to race and im too much of a hypochondriac for that 😭#ugh maybe i will just start them monday then ive been. staying afloat so far so #anyways. im very excited :)#trying not to get my hopes up too much bcoz its not like gna Cure my adhd or whatever but. idk! its scary and its new and its a new chaptr #of my life regardlesssss like ie the finally getting medicated for reals era. IDK i just hope it helps im staying hopeful #coz tht in combined w the therapy bitch i am going to do the things i like again 🦑

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brainrotdotorg · 2 years

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one thing you need to know about me is that I do not have the constitution to b a hater. I am too people please-y for my own good . In some aspects this is something I need to work on (as someone who is afraid of conflict and still has residual issues with like. Needing approval on every situation etc etc) but for the most part I’m not someone who can self-describe as a hater. More power to my friends and mutuals who have the strength to hate and I MEAN that!!

#just read that tweet that’s like. ‘you shouldn’t want to be charming and unproblematic all the time’#‘you should want to love like a human. not like a dog’#I’m also just a very. sensitive person in general #so not getting into discourse/conflict is pretty good for me #idk . lots of thoughts percolating today about this sort of thing #don’t know how to vocalize it #hope you understand what I’m trying to say??#i like to have fun and not worry about shit I don’t have to worry about. do you feel me #spending a majority of my life as an overly conscious and anxious person made me adverse to #disagreements and whatnot. yanno #not too many hills I’m gonna die on. but then again!!#i need to stick up for myself #hold my ground!! be stubborn!! have opinions!!#not worry so much about what everyone things!! i am worried all the time tho is the thing lmfao #ugh I’m rambling. sorry alsjfhslsh

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flyingwide · 1 year

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happy sunday

#why am i so weirdly nervous about posting this fic???????????#the Anxiety is weird and new #i think it's because these two mean so much to me #and it was written before i Knew but now i've gone back and made changes #and idk #i'm worried that Frey sorta gives into it too easy?#but she's also in Rolling With It mode and has a delayed freak out #ugh i'm worried about the characterization #it's the only thing that matters to me in fic #and now i'm like 'BUT WHAT IF SHE'S OUT OF CHARACTER'#like #i can rationalize and explain their every choice but i'm not going to load the narrative down with 'and this is why she has done this'#'this is where he learned this'#ugh

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated

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