#i am very happy for my friend tho
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I wanna be in love with someone so bad rn, Iām chompy :V Give me the brain chemicals, itās been too long since I was properly in love. P L S
#nero's random thoughts#my friend: i think i have a crush on someone <3 me: who are they#but also me: WHY NO CRUSHIES FOR ME TOO SO WE CAN HAVE CRUSHES TOGETHER AND YELL ABOUT THEM#i'm not salty my friend has a crush far from it#i just wish i was#i am very happy for my friend tho#sorry this was. a moment
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I may have cried at least 4 times today but I laughed even more bc she (Sabine aka baby bean) is such a ridiculous little beanie baby.
#She is already earning her keep as an emotional support companion creature. I am very proud of her. Belle would be too.#She hasn't figured out glass doors yet. Big fan of mirrors tho. And she enjoys trying to eat big baby rosies ears#She did her first barks today and she sounds like a squeaky toy or a nintendog#I hope my instability doesn't infect her as well š
I'm gonna make sure she makes so many friends and is so happy and comfortable.
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hello!! i just want to tell you that your art is so goddamn scrumptious, you are literally feeding my xmen brainrot and I find myself smiling when i see your art come across my feed. I love how you draw charles, pretty privilege and post (lets be fr he's serving every time)
i hope you always have fantastic brainrot and id kiss your blessed hands for giving us the gift of cherik and charles xavier, you are literally an icon
hope you have a great day ahead of you and more!! you deserve it !!
well i'ma absolutely have a wonderful mornin after readin this AWWWW thank you so so much !!!! i haven't been postin xmen long, so it's been really heartwarmin seein the warm reception to my work in the wonderful tags people have been leavin on my posts- and especially gettin to answer the lovely asks y'all've been sendin in (āĀ“ ā½ `ā) !! im glad people also like my goofy text posts and esp quotes from my brother he really has no right being so funny at the most random times
i hope to be xmen posting a while: ive got at least 60 years worth of stuff to look through and ongoing, so i dont imagine my interest'll wane anytime soon :]] !!
#fave#snap chats#'xmen posting' is so generous ive been posting the same two freaks day in day out !!!!!!#my blog desc does not lie i am cherik posting near exclusively because these two have captivated my brain in such a diabolical manner#that doesnt mean i dont love the rest of the xmen cast ofc ..... its been fun getting back into this franchise more in depth this year#its funny honestly: i was more of an avengers kid growing up but like. by the SMALLEST technical margin#i Vaguely caught eps of 92 as a kid and i distinctly remember the 'real raven' scene from first class when i was a teen#because of course thats the one (1) scene i saw as a kid while channel surfing jELJEA like Hello mr lehnsherr. Your zesty turtleneck.#and mystique. hello. but it didnt really go any deeper than that ... until recently HIIIII#i missed the train like a mfer tho all Three of my friends had watched the xmen movies growing up but better late than never !!#i got into comics through my bro and he only really took me to see avengers movies and the like but avengers hasnt really. stuck with me#not in the way xmen has recently. maybe its cause im older idk i just find myself attached to it and more interested in it as a whole#BUT ENOUGH OF THAT PRATTLE thank you so much for the kind words !!! they really do mean a lot i'll cherish this ask forever#im very happy people like how i draw charles i love drawing him sm.... pretty privilege and post thats heinous vjlkjvALVJELKJ#BUT VERY TRUE HE'S ALWAYS HANDSOME THO i love me a bald mfer im so serious this is no game#dark phoenix gets my ire for having mcavoy be bald the whole time but then i have to deal with The Rest Of The Movie#he just looks so good .... i mean Granted but he just looks especially good ... do we catch my cold ... ill stop now ...#point is i look forward to drawing charles many more times in the future Bald Or Not with his ex by his side <3#i dont even wanna post this i just wanna keep readin it. and replyin to it vJEALKAEJKL BUT i must thank you ... so thank you !!!#i hope to continue makin the people happy with my silly postings :]]]
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my psychiatrist confirmed that i am in fact autistic
#all of my friends were like 'no really?!!! i had no ideaā listen i know we all know but i wanted to know For Sure#she's very 'aspergers' and 'you're going to learn how to make eye contact' about it because czech psychiatry is... well#but overall the other stuff she said checks out and im happy I don't have to live in constant self doubt anymore#now she's not completely sure i have adhd tho because my attention is mostly normal according to tests#but she's also not opposed to me having both like it's definitely still possible she just wants to focus on mainly treating my anxiety rn#she was like 'so it would make sense that you're living in social isolation'#me with most friends I've ever had in my entire life: :-)#i was like 'no i have friends they just all have adhd or autism too'#i mean i am still socially isolated. i oftentimes feel like other people are living behind a glass wall and i can't reach them#but i took it literally in the 'you are alone and no one talks to you' sense#anyway#i am disappointed none of my friends sent me 'nĆ”Å” auÅ„Ć”k' from the czech Grease dubbing#i have many feelings about this but they are difficult to put into words so autism creature gift shall suffice
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Five hundred cigarettes
#what do you mean ganondorf posseded zelda to make linkāstand downā#what do you mean he disnt killwd midna and āfreed her from her curseā#what do you mean#what do you mean by that#sorry im sitting on the couch typing a mile a minute idk about typos yall get it#500 cigarettes#sorry turns out there was a way worse take on twilight princess that was literally like did you even play the game?#i got this really nice anon but my friend im gonna be real woth you i am a roach and i need more meds and a DIAGNOSIS at this point with how#hard i was pacing around my house slapping an empty m&m bottle biting and chewing and petting my cat every time i passed#poor muffin she was very happy tho#anyways back to the FUCKING GRIND
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force šā¤ļø
Canāt believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still canāt believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because Iāve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (Iām sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear itās speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i havenāt#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah thatās how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao š)#Iāve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff itās so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I donāt go there and probably never will š#I personally donāt enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesnāt negatively affect anyone#but yeah Iād much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like Iām not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what Iāve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#Iāve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you donāt love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you donāt deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* itās a package deal you canāt just pick and choose and personally I donāt even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone whoās passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters š¤·š»āāļø#I think Iāve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (canāt believe Iāve yapped so much I canāt put more tags š)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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"Turns out we're a pretty good team, for two people who hate each other."
happy happy birthday to my dearest kay @thefabulousfab-3 !! š
#benvi#devi vishwakumar#ben gross#nhie#never have i ever#benvi moodboard#benvi edit#myedit#kay tag#2023 is the year i start making stuff for mutuals birthdays bc i love u all so much#anyways. kay was my first ever mutual on this blog when i rejoined tumblr in 2021 for never have i ever#n i am just So Glad we became friends n that i have her (and grace!) to yell about benvi and nhie with <3 our lil discord makes me so happy#(even if i ghost for weeks like ive been doing bc i have not been having many benvi thoughts lately but like#even when i do ghost n randomly pop back in its always with open arms u know)#fr tho i just. Love Kay So Much !!!!!!!!#mutuals#also. using this as a very subtle way to push the Ben Gross Is An Artist narrative even tho its literally already canon#he loves science n he loves drawing <3 we love a man who can do both
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sometimes I think about that time I posted a mild complaint about a pattern of behavior I had seen at large in a particular fandom and someone I considered a friend assumed I was vagueing them directly and cut off all contact. that was fun
#tbh if youāre dramapilled enough to have that reaction. I do think I am better for it now#shame tho I was very happy when we were friends#this has been a post#itās also the reason I schedule all my vague posts for several days in the future now#just so nobody will connect it to whatwver post inspired it#including this one dhskshs#altho the post that inspired this was not from a mutual. or anyone who had ever been a mutual or interacted with me at all ever#so the chances of them even seeing it are low#but *someone else might* and that would be mortifying
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awhile back I realized I was getting pretty badly addicted to my phone and watched all these dopamine detox videos and downloaded an app blocker (itās called opal HIGHLY recommend) along with always being on do not disturb or Iāll even turn off my phone for good chunks of time, to try to get a healthier relationship with just my phone/social media but itās still so annoying that my brain is like š„ŗ when my phone isnāt being blasted with notifications 24/7
#like idiot what do you mean š„ŗ weāre trying to fix this!!!!!#I am happy tho on some days Iām only on my phone for like an hour or two#everyday is different and I donāt want to completely disconnect with friends but there was a point where I was on my phone WAY too much#I miss the time of flip phones tbh bc I really only used it to meet up with people and maybe talk but it wasnāt such a stronghold on me#or everyone around me#even going out with friends I notice everyoneās on their phones too#which I canāt be too upset about bc that was me until very recently#but it still kinda bums me out#especially when everyone has such busy schedules and whatnot
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kindergala? more like: lou singlehandedly revives the kindergarten tumblr rp community part 2 electric boogaloo /lh /silly
#šļø āāā ļ½„ļ¾ā
ļ½”ļ½„:*:ļ½„ļ¾ā 001. Misc.#actually maybe this is the 3rd time if u count the months of hiatus we had before getting back to it with new blogs and then stopping again#ā ( ć ćā )ļ¼æ idk why ppl keep indulging my rp brainrot like this sometimes but tysm for keeping the streak going :'D#also genuinely tho thank you everyone for being so excited for the kindergala and making this so much more fun than it would've been alone#like!!! the energy and response to this event so far has been outstanding!!!!!! and i am so grateful fr!! :'''3#i love the designs everyone's been making. i love the plans for interactions. i love the art and writing. i love the designs from ppl who#aren't participating but want to design something fun and cool anyway!!! (ps that is 100% valid and completely in line with the spirit of#kindergala!! this is a creativity exercise event as well for sure!!!!)#i know that it would still be fun even if it was just me and very few of my friends. but it's gotten a lot bigger than i thought it would#and i am so so happy abt that and happy that you are all enjoying yourselves and interacting with each other within the community like this#there are some shy ppl i've noticed! but it really seems like ppl are less shy about interacting than the 1st time around!!#and if you are shy: pls remember plenty of other people are too. but they joined this event to interact with other kg fans just like you#and it would probably make them happy if you reached out!! just like you'd probably be happy to have someone reach out to you too#and if you're scared about not knowing who to interact with. my inbox and dms are always open. i give you express permission to interact :D#i'm over on my displacedbias blog!! :3#also if anyone is feeling negative about this or like things need some improvement during the event-- feel free to talk to me abt feedback!#or if you just need to talk to someone in general. very much not a therapist but i will help to the best of my ability :')
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I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse
#mcalhen personal#and I'm not saying I'm not mentally ill but ffs stop using it as a weapon to discredit people when they have the solutions right there#feels like people hate my writing and me and that's why I didn't go āI got the jobā bc friends who never support me would be like#āI'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU CONGRATSā cool I'm not I spend an entire day usually recovering from very calm shifts at a job I like#but the moment I publish a book it's not congrats it's I don't know this guy I don't know Cal and I'm gonna pretend I never saw anything#I don't even hate my goddamn job even tho it can be stressful but it's the easiest thing for mostly just 2 days a week#but it is not sustainable and I cannot survive on this and disability would be invasive as hell and y'all don't know shit about how they#treat disabled people in this country but goddamn I have watched that shit unfold with my autistic brother who can't work#and I can never help him at this rate#bc I can't help myself#I can't help anyone#and saying that is a big fucking issue with people who think if they say 'it gets better keep going' I'll magically unfuck my life#as if I haven't spent the entirety of my life trying to unfuck things#as if I didn't give myself an education in spite of my family#y'all never been threatened with physical violence bc you weren't supposed to ask for school supplies and it fucking SHOWS#I have learned so many things on my own time out of sheer desire to better myself and my situation#but at a point where nothing works out and each day is just filled with more bad news#at what point am I actually allowed to give up?#or am I supposed to just keep this up until I die with 40 more years of collected bullshit pain#bc if you want me to live like this for 40 years then... you never cared at all#and what's so stupid is that I really want to earn my living by doing the work#I work on my art and writing but let's just admit that it's pathetic already#no mental health services or pills will erase that I'm a pathetic garbage can of uselessness#also I realize no one owes me anything like boosting my work or w/e#but also don't ask me to turn rotten ingredients into a feast and say I'm not trying when I can't fucking do it
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so it's like this.
you're young and you're scared and you're trapped in the feywild (happens to the best of us) with the love of your life. You're a half-elf and she's a fullblooded elf but you don't think about it very much because you're barely surviving day to day. And you get offered a deal to get yourself home again, and you take it. And the price of your freedom is that you leave her still trapped there, alone.
And then five years pass. And you age a century in that time, and you grow, and you change, and you find her again, and you're still in love, and you meet people, and you lose people, and you love them too, and you learn, and you start wanting a future again, and caring again, taking care of yourself, taking care of other people--
and after all of that, at the end of things, you find out the man responsible for all of the misery in your short, sad life has cast a spell which gives him complete control and ownership of you- mind, body, and soul (again. this happens to the best of us). And you are given the choice to stay under his thrall, and live a thousand years-- or to age and die, like humans do, and to be free of him.
And the love of your life is there, and you're married now, and she's still a full blooded elf, and you're still a half-elf, and you think about what that means a lot more than you used to.
And still, after everything you've learned-- you choose your freedom. You choose leaving her behind.
#dnd#dungeons & dragons#ttrpg#you understand why i am insane. about my dungeons and dragons character#the way that this all started because 'she' (clone. its a long story) wanted to be free from her small town & her family's ideas of her#and so she inadvertently left THEM all behind too.#like bro watch out i think the cycle is repeating itself!!!!!!!!!#honestly girlie has to learn that passing out of someone's life is not always a betrayal#like she NEVER got over it!#giving pesche a whole speech about how loss leaves a hole behind that is filled in by rage & grief & impulse & violence like#ok. well. loss is inevitable and i think you have a very fucked up way of looking at it that despite all of your personal growth has maybe#only gotten worse over time because now you have things you care about again?#like i think she made the right choice for herself.... if the lesson she had 'learned' was to subjugate herself to Ohdran for 900 years in#the name of not 'leaving people' again. that would have been tragic. learning that love is good and precious and it matters even though#you are inevitably going to lose it. thats the real lesson. and she is learning it. she HAS learned it! she's never going to hide herself#away from the world to avoid losing people again. but she hasn't like... attached the lesson to herself yet lol. 'i accept i might lose my#friends & even though it breaks my heart im still glad to know them. if i leave people (read: LITERALLY DIE) im evil tho.' girl...#i was pretty bummed about it at the time like we have been 3 years on the endless train of suffering cant she just have a happy ending.#one thousand years of elf marriage.#but this is cool too like MAN the kind of organic storytelling moments that evolve out of ttrpgs are so crazy. we couldnt have planned this#and yet. perfect full circle moment.#mm campaign#it's alive!#harris#fisher
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āMy only hope is for one word. A simple, trivial word from a certain personā¦ā
bungou stray dogs is an anime that iv had a fondness for since like..2018. but only now am i doing fanart for it, as iv gotten back into it via a rewatch with my friend ^_^ akutagawa was my favorite character as a mentally ill 15 year old and continues to be my favorite character as a mentally ill 20 year old
#scribbles#ryuunosuke akutagawa#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs fanart#bsd fanart#some general rambles abt my relationship w this anime incoming#nowadays its not a super serious interest cuz all my love to me i feel iv kinda outgrown how... hot topic slogan-y it is (ALL MY LOVE)#and i have a better eye for some of the issues in it. but its still got a nice place in my heart#i dunno if this person is still...around? but i first watched it with a friend as a teenager and i enjoyed it!#and when i fell outta touch w that friend i'd wanted to return to this anime but always felt bad about it. cuz it was Her Thing#but nowadays i have another pal (hi dark) who i watch a lotta anime with and i decided to take this opportunity to properly rewatch it and#idk im happy i am#especially bc when i first watched this anime in my youth it was a period where i was still freshly affected by like. trauma#and that colored my perception of it (COUGH MY DAZAI HATRED SORRY hes still kinda annoying tho)#(i'm way more normal about him now though XD)#and in general its a very Mentally Ill Teenager anime. so its cool to return to it as a more#mature well adjusted person. just finished season 1 of my rewatch and im eager to fall back in love w this show haha#anyway all that aside LOOK AT THIS RENDERING IM SO PROUD OF ITTTTT
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I am continuing to have friends and family way cooler than I am :āD
Yesterday I met up with a friend who has a strong relationship (Iād say it sounds very queerplatonic and beautiful) with a finnish person so my friend has been visiting Finland a lot
Oh and then they casually mentioned having watched kƤƤrijƤ a few time saying being at his gig was a cozy time (even if they didnāt understand all he was saying)
I -
#safe to say I was just a little jealous :'3#how can you CASUALLY mention you went to a FEW kƤƤrijƤ concerts like that and expect me to act cool :'D#I am happy for them tho#also sorry for not being very active yesterday#idk what happened but around 8 o'clock I was suddenly very dizzy (although I'd just eaten ) and my eyes seemed miscoloured so I got scared#I went straight to bed hoping it would be over today#I am still a tiny bit dizzy and I have semi-big black bags under my eyes although I slept more than 10 hours#I really hope this is not anything bad and just me not having slept well for a while#so my body is trying to ask me to slow down#wow look at me talking nonsense in the tags as usual#but yeah#it was nice talking to my friend yesterday#hope to talk with them more in the future now that they've moved to the same island as me#(I can use more rl nonbinary friends :3 :'D)#also yeah now I have a sister with a casual kƤƤrijƤ wardrobe and finnish roommate#and a friend with a finnish partner that have watched kƤƤrijƤ live#what's next :'D?#micahs thoughts#personal
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i saw a lot of videos and heard some friends talk about how people who are from eastern and the centre of europe would have the biggest culture shock in the US that people are āhappy all the time for no reason, and complaining is not allowedā. this one slavic woman explained that now if she wants to complain she needs to become a comedian so sheās at least entertaining, and that is fascinating for me as someone from central europe, whoās also grown up with/ taught to complaining and gossiping being the socialisation. thatās literally how you make friends around here lol. and if you seem to be too content or happy thatās suspicious my friend, whatās your problem? should i call the ambulance? you should see a doctor, but not with depression or something because that just doesnāt exist, alright? cool.
#timisramble#my friend just got back from america too#and said it was overwhelming and not good#and very strange#i find this very interesting tbh#because for people here at home#im less european in mindset since i considered the crazy happy person#(cuz i picked up personality stuff from being more online than most people)#but to foreign friends i am the introverted european friends with traits mentioned above#which is so funny tho#and my friend is the same#fitting into nowhere but everywhere#im so sleepy i dont even know what im talking about but thanks for reading
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Save me ugly af kotoko t2 plushie save me
#going through the funny weird times again I need to learn how to be normal god bless#I feel like I am being weird with my friends once again ughhhh when will it end#be sympathetic think about others stop feeling numb#I can barely hold actual conversations unless they are about one of my interests like how self absorbed can I be#need exam season to be over but it literally just started#worst part is that it doesn't even stress me directly. idgaf. and that's what stresses me#it's okay surely if I get silly stuff I can make myself happy#(oh btw it's not just because of exams that I am like this there is actually a very big change happening with my life...#i don't want you guys to listen to my whining tho so I won't talk about it)
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