#i can understand it but at the same time its incomprehensible and i dont know how to put it into words

[mishy-mashy]

Julius is just a Hard Knock Life orphan on a path called Julius's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

[vriskabot]

do you have any davris headcanons?

i saw this ask the instant it came in and i could not believe my EYES. trust when i tell you ive been typing FURIOUSLY in the meantime okay. okay headcanons. -dave has always been a little genderweird and vriska putting makeup on him when she was bored one night unlocked his third eye and now he cant stop putting red shit all over his eyelids -vriska has also always been genderweird and you can see where im going with this. -she steals his clothes ALL the time -he pretends to hate it when she gets her disgusting $5 perfume stink all over said clothes but you know he loves that shit (and she knows it too) -flaming bisexuals -once theyve been together for a while they are THE most "i am going to have the longest silent conversation with someone across the room you have ever seen in your life" -they both think they can read each other like a book but in truth its only about 60-70% accurate -the inaccuracies are always funny as fuck though and 9 times out of 10 its some entirely off the wall MADNESS due to their upbringings they think is entirely normal. the conversations that directly follow these revelations are legendary amongst the extended crew and every single one thats happened in a public memo has been screenshotted by basically everyone they know -speaking of which. i dont think they dm for basically anything ever. they either have conversations right in the GC (sometimes in the middle of other conversations, which karkat fucking HATES, especially when they flirt with each other) or they speak in person/over the phone. no in between -they flirt with each other all the time and its disgusting but its incomprehensible to literally everyone else. vriska tells dave she found some gnarly roadkill and sends coordinates and dave is like "babe stop not in front of everybody" -she used to send pictures too but that got shut down real quick and now thats really all she dms him for -i dont think vriska likes it for the same reasons dave does but he did absolutely get her into the weird and wacky world of vulture culture. dave likes the wet specimens the most but vriskas a fan of bones and taxidermy -speaking of which. this is more vriska/troll-centric but i love the idea of vriska being able to eat bones. dave gets the same schoolboy "oh my god this is so cool" kick out of it every single time -im well aware that music is a time thing but i genuinely cannot comprehend a world wherein vriska is not a music girlie. this definitely did a lot of the heavy lifting in The Early Days because when youre emotionally constipated sometimes you gotta let a song do the talking FOR you -vriska 100% introduced dave to crunkcore and he got way more into it than she ever did. he listens to 3oh3 religiously -dave samples vriska on his tracks all the time because she CANNOT shut the fuck up. he also likes taking pictures of her but even after years together he still kinda keeps those to himself and gets flustered when she finds one -man i just really love the idea of them being fucking obsessed with each other. they rag on each other ALL the time because thats just how they feel the most comfortable being affectionate but at the end of the day they snuggle up all soft and quiet and just enjoy being with somebody who understands how hard it can be to even allow that to happen in the first place -they ARE super casually affectionate with each other though, even in group settings. i dont think theyd like grand pda like kissing or saying 'i love you' in public but personal space just doesnt really exist for them. they hang off each other and sling legs over laps all willy nilly -they also stim on each other. dave likes to play with her hair while hes talking and vriska likes to play with his hands/fingers when shes bored this post is so LONG i could keep going for days. please always ask me about davris, especially if youve got more specific questions!!!

[artbyhauk]

do you have what it takes?

in many ways, the games industry as we know it is giving off death rattles, likely on account of people whose sole priority is numbers having this idea that growth is infinite- and independent of the state of the world. everything can be nailed down into handy little strategies and powerpoints, surefire plans to make insane numbers- and boom, one day the plan falls through and the same people whose purpose is the survival of a business get off scot free while thousands of workers lose their livelihoods.

i have some views i have been told are radical regarding business as a game studio owner.

First, i believe that success is random and incredibly situational. All you inherently can do to affect it is manipulate chances. You could have all the money and eyes on you in the world and flop, you could release a 2 dollar asset flip and gain terrifying amounts of attention overnight. In all ways, releasing a game is a gamble consisting of a million chance successes to even get to this point. Hell, not dying before you drop your work is a chance success in itself.

More money and more time gets you more chances. Easy as, and pretending otherwise is futile. In the end its all chance, and you work with what you have- which brings me to my second point: working within your means.

I dont think i'll ever understand pretending you have money you dont have- i'm just not wired to. Loans terrify me, i cannot ever 'expect' a revenue- what business do i have expecting anyone to give me money? Am i forcing people to buy my product? You either have money or you dont.

Unless you can afford to, dont hire people. Its cruel to promise people money where there is none. There cant be any growth if there is no ground to grow on.

These two things might very well make me bad at business. But if business is cheating people out of money and lying to myself and others, maybe thats not a thing i wanna be good at.

I suppose it makes sense though. I own a business out of necessity. I'm forced to care about powerpoints and plans and strategies, to put my belief in social media and neatly defined target audiences, because they let me create my art. But they also drive me insane, pushing against my moral compass and putting me face to face with a cruel industry that combines all the worst aspects of art, film and technology.

Ironically, this industry is also thoroughly hostile to art. Everything must have a proven success or rely on cheap tactics to earn revenue. Exploration, the unique and creative approaches are shunned and dismissed. Even the notion that a work can exist not to be a success, but to further games as a medium seems incomprehensible. Because in the end, its all about the bottom line.

i think, that to 'have what it takes' to survive the games industry, you need to be a cockroach. Work within your means, survive, and hunker down to fend for yourself- because capital will either eat this industry alive or vanish from it, and at that point what else will there be but art and love for the medium?

On the plus side, the small inherit the scraps from giants.

[equarretedddd]

AOTD SPOILERS!

| | |

i have a very strong theory that Dick is actually alive and just hiding somewhere (perhaps it has something to do with the Tribunal or some stuff), bcs his "death scene" does not inspire confidence, it is strange and incomprehensible. also, his look at everyone else during this scene seems to say: "i know something more than you that you dont need to know" or something like that.

i have an idea for post-AOTD situation (maybe its so fanon and not very canonical in terms of characters but i just thought about it for a long time). suddenly, along with Charles or someone else from the work team (or the group finds him by itself i havent come up with the whole thing yet), Dick appears right next to all the other members of the band. while everyone else quickly runs up to him to talk to him and catch the shock of the fact that he is real and in perfect order (or relatively).

except Murderface, who just can stared at Dick for several agonizing seconds and ran away from the others in confusion to some secluded corner, because there is no strength and desire to demonstrate how he is mentally break down from insane shock and horror.

im sure that Dick’s death would have had a terrible effect on all of them, but Murderface is special in this, bcs we all understand that he has a completely different attitude towards him (besides he had disturbing visions with Dick which could increase all this feelings). this reaction would be somewhat similar to the reaction when a person suddenly meets/finds a long-lost pet or smthng, like you feel terrible guilt all this time of uncertainty and when fate comforts you with this find, you are completely overwhelmed with mixed feelings.

imagine if Dick is suddenly found alive, MF would have felt a corrosive anger bcs of the feeling of being in gaslight for a long time, he would feel cheated and broken, but at the same time… relief and secret happiness that everything is fine with him, since the relationship with this person is gradually destroying all the established Murderface’s models self-expression.

its was something like: "you freak it would be better if you were lying dead i would have pulled you out of the ground myself i felt so bad without you i missed you so much."

just listen… maybe im goin crazy and making it up, but the constant analysis of the series and everything else just doesnt give me any other attitude to it. in theory, this blond man can easily make one of the most aggressive character of the entire series break down by his very existence and give an impetus to completely break the previous form of behavior.

[gently-decaying-flowers]

some super incomprehensible rant under the cut lmfao

generally speaking my home life caused me to grow up too fast

i see everything- every decision- only in how it will impact my adult life. i’ve never “relished” in being a kid.

there’s so many other factors like neurodivergency, figuring out sexuality yadda yadda that affect how i think

i was talking with my friend late last night about how it’s hard to determine what a relationship is supposed to be and i was mostly speaking on the difference between romantic and sexual attraction from the view of an asexual person. how in all medias romantic attraction is tied to wanting sex with someone and i grew up thinking that’s was love was

and now i’m like- what even is romantic attraction? i need to come to terms with the fact that i will never experience attraction the way “normal” people do. i so badly want a relationship but it’s hard when i don’t even know what that means, and when i think about it i just get stressed and any feelings i thought i had just disappear

maybe they weren’t real in the first place then

on top of that, i can’t get crushes for so many other reasons

no one really knows me as charlie except for my few friends who i don’t go to school with anymore. that means no one at my school knows me- so if i even think i have a crush on anyone i realize there’s no way it would work and i just get sad

and on the topic that started this- growing up too fast. i can’t acknowledge that i have feelings for someone unless i can envision my future with them. because what’s the point? wasting time and energy if it won’t impact my life forever?

and no one else my age things like that- so no one else would even care about the relationship as much as i do. i learned that the hard way.

it just feels really lonely. i have friends who understand- i mean ive met the friends who im going to have for the rest of my life so i dont have to worry about dying along obviously. but its hard feeling and knowing i want something that’s going to be impossible for me until i become an adult, lean into who i am, and find a person who feels the same way i do.

[genderqueerdykes]

my gender is a Problem to everyone around me and i love it. i was born intersex and became even more intersex (i have at least three different variations for different characteristics lol and one was noticed at birth and two recently) and i identify as a boygirl and present very. Gender. like masculine and feminine extremely at the same time. and i use they/she/he and am transmascfem and i take so much joy in my gender being incomprehensible to cis folk. most people dont even know im not even a person too its so fun for me!! to be trans!!! and also like. yes the Suffering and such (ive had a major past w transphobia and intersexism) but that just makes me take more joy out of it because of spite. i love being transgendered teehee <33333333

ME TOO!!!!!! I'M GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND

my gender is a Menace and i'm glad you understand like. there's a euphoria in confusing people, in them not knowing, in people looking at you and going ??? i have No idea how to even begin to gender you. like you said, there's a lot of intersexism/transphobia in society and sometimes misgendering or people not understanding your vibes can be painful but it's literally also fun

it's literally also so, so, SO good when you can just be masculine and feminine and just be who you are and confuse people and leave them a little smitten. it feels so good when you can just be who you are and want to be and have FUN with it and enjoy the chaos, and embrace that strangers don't know, don't have a way of knowing who you are, and can't really know you in an intimate enough sense to truly "Get" your identity. it's alienating but it's also freeing

i'm so glad you understand the experience and i'm glad you're loving being who you are!!! i'm really glad i get to hear from other intersex and trans people who are living their best lives and being happy with who they are, that's the best gift i could ever receive!! thank u so much for sending this ask, i'm really glad you did, i love being transgendered and i'm glad you do too <3333

[yoonyia]

love my parents but I love my dad more

is that wrong of me?

they say to parents it's wrong to have a favorite child but does it go the same way for the kids?

I love my dad more then my mom because I think my dad raised me with patience love and kindness and my mom was too busy to raise me until she took me to thailand, there she had no choice but to be a parent. And when she did have to be a parent she showed us that she could not deal with people who are, by her words not mine, inhuman and incomprehensible and was in general just too slow for her liking.

She yells at me for common neurodivergent struggles like brushing my hair properly and wearing a variety of clothes. She yells at me for hours about how it's so easy and that I'm dumb for never fixing the same mistake even though she screamed it into my skull every day. That it's a basic human function and that I'm insulting her and damaging her reputation by going outside looking like an orphan. Half the time dinners end in lectures about how I eat weird or that I shouldent buy things with the money my grandparents gave me for the new year.

In the 2 years I've lived with her she said I did well twice and they were both followed by some variation of "but I could have done better."

That wouldn't make me mad if she atleast thought me or explained it to me but if I even struggle to read a sentence quickly she gets impatient and gives up. I keep telling her ideas about how for me its hard to do things that for her are super easy, I tried explaining the concept of my neurodivergence to her and she said "I will not understand you, you must settle for me tolerating you" (that's a direct translation from Korean by the way) and I asked her "is tolerating the best you can do? Even when you claim to be open minded?" and she replied with "I can be open minded about different topics but not this"

I'm not mad about prejudice or discrimination or her having a hard time understanding me, what makes me upset is the fact that she claims to be good and perfect and better then most people, no she dosent say she's perfect, but she keeps saying "I am trying my best and look at all the good I'm doing" when she's doing the bare minimum of human compassion. All the things she did to hurt me may make me want to be with her less often but it dosent make me love her any less, what does make me love her less is the fact that she keeps shutting down ideas and hurting people and saying that she's so much better then most people.

Oh yea and the biggest thing for me

She calls my dad an idiot

she calls dad and me dumb and dumber

I hate her for that

and I dont have a lot of hate in my heart

call your retarded forgetful lion haired child barely human and an imbecile all you want, it dosent care, it loves you more then those words hurt.

But call your husband a dumbass and that you would gladly abandon and leave him for any hotter, taller and richer man and you die from my hands.

Got it mother, you die.

Stop saying "we see each other too soon" when dad comes to thailand twice a month, stop telling me "I don't know if I love your father, I could have done so much better" when ever you get drunk at home.

You can, not love your husband romantically, you can go divorce him and marry someone else, that's all in your right to do, but stop talking to and about him likes he's the worst choice you ever made in your life. Don't talk about him like he's the lowest you ever stooped down and that IF YOU HAD JUST NOT MARRIED HIM YOUR LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER.

Mother, oh mother dearest, my dad is one of the most patient caring and nurturing person I have ever seen. Not just met in real life, but read about in articles or watched in the news and studied about in books. He endlessly tries to support, protect and connect with everyone in his life, he comes every single month to thailand because he loves us and he dosent mind being exhausted for work and seeing us for just a day is more then worth it for half his weekly paycheck. He spends hours trying to get the best deals on products so you can have what you want for the best quality and the best price, he spends hours studying newsarticles that you shared for me to read so that we can talk about it together, he worried day and night about his parents going to thailand and them getting lost so he made an extensive planning guide so they would never have to worry about losing their way, he calls me every morning to make sure I go to school on time and he calls you everyday to make sure you don't over work yourself. He read books for you so that you didnt have to deal with the book club you didnt like, he teached me to never bother you when youre sleeping and to always help you in anyway i can because you work really hard for us and that you are wonderful. Hes a doctor that makes you medicine for free and constantly checks on your health, worries about headaches and indigestion and prescribed medicine that was given with too high of a dose, whenever he buys groceries he makes sure theres no carcinogens in the ingredients because they are awfully common, he will accept any gift and hang it on the wall if it came from me or you just because it was given to him from us, please don't treat him like the scum of the earth, please stop treating his endless support and kindness as the norm and what you obviously rightfully deserve.

You are his world, you mean everything to him, he loves you so much that he ignores all the hateful comments you make about him. You don't have to love him back if there is no love left in your heart to give, I won't blame you for being born with a heart that dries up too quickly, you cannot change that, but please, please respect him, please care about his wellbeing, please stop sharing to the world your obvious hate for this man who has done nothing but love you with his entire soul. Please be kind, I'll settle for polite even, just stop treating the person you wed with such disgusting hatred.

I dont know what possessed me to write this.

I'm crying. I miss my mom, she's not here, she left to korea. I'm alone, well not really cause the maid (Her name is Dee, I call her 피디씨, which is basically sister in thai her name and a korean honorific, it's pronounced like PDC and I find that funny sometimes) is here and I love her too but I miss my parents.

Loneliness makes you say some weird things

I regret none of the things I said

but still I would never say this if it was any other day.

I'm sorry if this felt vent-y, I didn't mean it to, I just wanted to talk about the concept of having favorites and how it's sometimes weird to say you shouldent have favorites in semi professional or personal settings

but you all got this instead

I'm sorry

my dads calling

[curedeity]

It’s anniversary day!!!!!!!!!! It’s anniversary day!!!!!!! Gonna put a readmore here because its gonna be a long post.

If I’m being honest, I’m struggling to feel like celebrating today. While this year has been amazing, its also taught me that I’m not ready for a lot of things, and these last few months especially I’ve struggled to be happy with what I create.

But I don’t want that to stop me from celebrating what I’ve already accomplished, because my god, I have fucking written!

So, to start, just wanna shoutout all the friends I’ve made over the past year! Yall are amazing, awesome, incredible, showstopping---I’ve learned the wonders of online friendship, at long last.

Second, I wanna shoutout Bladies Week! This was an event week I hosted celebrating the women of beyblade, and I wanna thank everyone who participated with me! That week was... rough... but seeing other people contribute was the highlight of it, every time! If you havent checked out the bladiesweek tag to see that art, I dunno what to tell you, it’s amazing! The fact anyone else participated with me is something I cherish

Third, I wanna mention Fanfic Friday! It’s a weekly event each Friday where I draw art of other beyblade fanfics, and everyone is welcome to participate by doing the same or going and commenting on a fic! I have lots of ideas to continue with for this day, and I’ve been really enjoying it!

On that note, it’s onto the main event! Fanfic!

As of two years on ao3, I have 471,878 published words. Just so you understand, 50,000 words counts as a novella for nanowrimo, I have written a whole lot. A loooooot. It’s kinda incomprehensible to me, tbh.

I have 115 published fics total.

55 of those fics are Beyblade fics. I’m going to be honest, I probably need to create a collection for some of my shorter fics, just so people dont get the wrong impression of what I normally publish. The length of my fics has gone up the past year, by quite a lot, and there are tons of fics from this year I can shout. The Hikaru’s Adoption Agenda series was all this year, and I also have last years Mayblade that still falls in. I would like to specifically shoutout my Bladies Week submissions though, specifically Hikaru’s, Mei-Mei’s, Sophie’s, and Ren and Maru’s.

Aquario’s Cracked Fist is 3,142 words long, and Hikaru’s focus fic. Hikaru was probably the character I was most comfortable writing, and it shows in the ideas I’ll explore with her. I don’t know how to describe this fic without some spoilers, but it focuses on Hikaru’s trauma and how violence intersects with her thoughts.

When We All Fall is 6,036 words long, and it’s Mei-Mei’s focus fic. Honestly, the premise of this fic is super simple: I throw Mei-Mei off a cliff. It’s hopefully structured a bit like a shonen episode, where we focus on one hurt character having to survive alone and make their way back to the group. I really enjoyed drawing on those structures and tropes to write a story centered around Mei-Mei! 

Cetus Bouquet is 8,337 words long, and Sophie’s focus fic. This fic is about me trying to narratively write all the things I get to learn in gender studies classes. I’m just quite proud of the dynamics I wrote in this fic. Sophie is a very charismatic character to write, in a way, she has this sort of gravity and confidence that I wanna explore more.

Stolen Rivalry is 9,018 words long and the fic focused on Maru and Ren. This fic honors my brand of “why don’t I try to narrativize the sexist attitude of the show and my critique of it.” Focusing on Shogun Steel, I really tried to dig into how this show makes me feel, as a woman, and how Ren and Mau would react to the sexism Ren constantly experiences. You don’t need to read any other fic I’ve written to understand it, and it only deals with the first half of Shogun Steel (up to Ren vs Takanosuke actually, but you wont be fully pissed at the show until Ren vs Sakyo).

Beyblade is probably my main fandom at this point, and I’m very proud of so, so, so many of the works I’ve written for it. I have... a lot to say about future fanfics for this fandom, but right now, I’m going to celebrate what I’ve done.

Onto Pretty Cure, my other main fandom! I have 20 Precure fics written in total, and most of them focus on Futari Wa. I’m always happy to have a Precure fanfic idea, the reception I receive is always quite nice, but I wanna focus on my big project in that fandom right now.

Watashi Wa Pretty Cure! Seed is a Futari Wa spinoff focusing on Misumi Ryota (Nagisa’s little sibling) and is probably a fancure season at this point. It’s about Ryota becoming a Pretty Cure, discovering her gender, and having to care about life. It currently has 3 published chapters (I’m halfway through writing the fourth) at 20,909 words.

I’d just like to thank the warm reception this series has received, from the art and designs I made to the fic itself. Its really hard to get people interested in a fancure series, I think, so I’m very grateful to all the attention my series has gotten, and I hope I don’t disappoint!

I don’t have many published Madoka Magica fics, only 4, but that’s because Madoka Magica fics are some of my favorites and hardest to write. I really try to lean into stylism in these fics, and I want them to present an idea.

Once I Was Her was probably my favorite fic to write in this fandom, coming in at 3,553 words. It’s a post-rebellion Madoka focused fic dealing with the possible fallout of her tearing. I’m still so proud whenever I think of this fic, being able to actually stretch my wings as a writer always makes me feel good.

Also, quick apology to the Winx Fandom.... I’m sorry I do wanna finish Daphne’s Ascension! Someday, probably.

But, basically, I’ve really doubled down on my fanfic writing this year, and I’m so proud of a lot of the pieces I’ve put out. I’m really glad I came back to fanfic, as it gives me a new way to interact with the fandoms I’m in and contribute. I hope you’ve all enjoyed reading my fanfic, because getting to know people like my fanfic... well... it means a lot. I love getting to see that people like something I’ve done.

Thank you if you read all this self-indulgent post, art will be coming soon, I’ll try to finish up a fanfic for today, and thanks for sticking around! I’m honestly surprised any non-beyblade follower stuck around after the ask games-

[thepowerisyouth]

EDIT-AS-I-GO-ALONG-JUSTIFY-ALL-MY-ACTIONS-POst

First started February 10th, 2024 in the middle of the night of course. Although I am 22 years old so I should really be saying-- "it all began 22 years ago when I was born"

Sometimes I write rants that are way too long, and I dont feel like editing or deleting it in full, I'm just going to call this what it is:

A very long diary entry I can come back to later. Its got some good stuff I wont lie to myself. But its also probably incomprehensible at times so ignore it as anything but a very rough rant for now

I also plan to invite new-to-the-site people to read my blog (no doubt being exposed to the horrors within my own blog and past). I'm talking bout people who have probably never typed in the letter T, U, M, B, L, R in a row ever once, and boy howdy are they in for the time of their fucking life

For anyone who is reading this right now, and is worried that they might find something truly scarring to their good christian sensibilities on this site, then I heavily recommend using tags, and content filters before delving further down in the dnd dungeon of my blog, or especially the higher level dungeons on the rest of the site for the first time, where the algorithm will absolutely assume you are ready for the same things the rest of the demographic here wants to see.

(Its a lotta porn. Okay? I'm talking about different unique genres of drawn, or whatever medium of porn mainly. Thats scary to a new person)

So grandma-- buckle up. Jesus take the wheel. Have faith in me & humanity. Its going to be a ride to get there but I truly believe you are capable of it

The whole philosophy I'm preaching is about expanding horizons in a respectful way, so please do so.

With that in mind, in order to prepare any newbies to this site in an engaging and fun way, I had to poke fun in what might be taken in a bad way at the site. I dont mean that. I love this site. I liken my words of preparation to what you might say before bringing your transphobic family into your home full of very queer friends

If you really wanna get mad at me, please do, I love hearing dissenting opinions.-- "Life is full of contractions" as they say.-- But please do so in truly, humanizing, empathically good faith. On every. Single. Post you see. Not just mine of course. Theres a lot more to be said on methodology of public discourse that is a huge part of my philosophy so this post really delves into this

Last thing for now before this post gets even more nitty-gritty:

This is really important, but only for any person who at any point doesn't understand something I'm talking about, and is discouraged by that fact to continue reading up on this philosophy. Don't let that discourage you. I made a perfect science ACT score way back when, and it was all thanks to (and literally nothing else) the simple, but persistent learning skill which is: ignore everything you dont know for now. If you start to notice it happens more than once on something you don't deem irrelevant, than ask questions, but often times people get bogged down by big words, but really do get the gist of an argument. And thats more than enough understanding for a first read. Learning takes many attempts. People learn different materials at different rates and thats a fact

Disclaimer 1: I think the other things counted as number ones but I'm starting here with the numbering

Disclaimer 2: I'm wrong. A lot. I talk with varying degrees of confidence because all language capable humans in existence do that, but literally quantum mechanics--the core principles of our universe as we understand them today-- teaches us that everything acts with a bit of a standard error. Theres no coincidence in the universe why statistics is a field of study.

My standard error is +/-50% on being 50% correct. My point is dont @ me for using an incorrect degree of confidence, because as a trained financial analyst I can attest they are all fucking wrong all the time just like me. However, none of them are wrong about most of the things they say, they simply draw the wrong conclusions most of the time

However, if you believe that the ideals which I, and others like me, are preaching are true than you should in good-faith contribute to making this philosophy more refined, not just be a toxic asshole on the internet. I think most sensible people are past that by now, come on.

I think the last thing I can think to say on this specific point about being wrong (there will always be more to say later), is that a lot of us are inclined, in this world, to only trust things when we've really tested & read into every possible source. And that's for every right reason in the world. But there is no denying that there is gate keeping to science. Huge barriers to entry. Exponentially balooning costs to scientific study. Not to mention just like.. paywalls on every site nowadays. Everyone.

I believe that in this year-of-our-lord-mr-krabs 2024 we need to turn back to philosophy to understand all of our problems, more specifically all of our greviences with capitalism. With the important caveat that we do, in fact, have probably thousands or millions or billions more questions answered than our favorite old philosophers. Fuck yes thats exciting! Because that only makes philosophy today work even better. I think it will help us answer trillions more

Disclaimer 3: I also justify myself. A lot. I'm doing it right now. And now. Every word.

This is an edit at the top after reading over disclaimer 3 once: I think I'm defining justification the same way a scientist thinks of evidence. Also context. It really is just all the same thing. I just needed to add that because I wasnt clear about my definition below

I think as time goes on, people will probably justify themselves more, and more, and more, but while also finding ways to better communicate those justifications in a quicker, more efficient way. Like how encryption and decryption science is a super cool and fast growing study. Kinda cool and star trek if you really think about it far enough

The reason I justify justifying myself is that we have, in fact, learned to encrypt and decrypt many things through our own brains and language. If I say a word that someone else knows, than I save time by not having to jump into every possible nook-and-cranny of explaination. This bit of framing about language being an efficiency/encryption/decryption thing will come back a lot in my writings

I read that over, and told myself: "okay bennet I think you lost the point there" so I need to circle back and say that when we speak we are trying--- desperately -- to find a way to decrypt the crazy encryption that is our thoughts. And because trial and error is effective, we often just jump to saying a bunch of things that have worked in the past, in the hope that the listener will respond with the rewarding joy of 2 people in understanding. A puzzle solved, if you will.

For example, if you engage with my post and I perceive that engagement to be positive, than I will probably, uncontrollabley get a rush of dopamine that cocaine only wishes it could give. You know this is true, because you've felt it too

Disclaimer 3a - mistakes are really cool. I finally know why the Japanese have that thing where they highlight mistakes in a piece. Its about making. It. Memorable. I have a great story example on a post here, but I think most people can agree with my position that its easier to remember when you are wrong-- than right.

What that means-- this is super duper uber wuper sluper important. Things that are memorable are part of the decryption key to language. There is a way that we are all figuring out how to communicate where we utilize what some percieve as mistakes to draw in attention, then listener either remembers the key or has to find it, then both move forward, happy having solved the issue of decrypting a bunch of literally just electricity and sound waves coming from a very real human in front of you. How cool is it that we can apply the framework of humans as puzzle solvers to better communicate our crazy thoughts?

To wrap that up-- this doesnt include all forms of language, of course. But I think its a humanist framework for understanding how we can be more effective communicators.

I read over that whole 3a thing and I already had plenty of questions and dissents for myself. Going to just add for now that if we extend our definition of the word mistake, to include ANYTHING that catches the attention more than expected, than yes, this framework makes more sense.

The next time I read that over I thought I could add that people are drawn by knowledge. Something which isnt new to us just isnt interesting. We know this already, but I'm connecting it to this point.

3b - the fact that I bring up humanist arguments for encouraging memory promoting activities brings to mind that it IS HEALTHY FOR US AND HELPS US AVOID NEURODEGENERATIVE DISORDERS

Disclaimer 4: Like most people on this site, most people who arent depressed (I call tired depressed I was told I'm bipolar its what I do), and honestly all leaders, influencers, artists, actors, scientists, innovators, most entrepreneurs---- yatta yatta yatta everyone okay. Bascially, arguments sake, I mean every human being on the planet. I am capable of great, sometimes too great, emotion. If I wasnt Id be dead. If that emotion seems overwhelming, or too much, then please just take a break, or take a step back and try and reframe everything I'm saying as a deperate plea for help from a very young (I was born in 2001), very hungry, person. More on this later

Disclaimer 5: I'm ex mormon. I come from Texas. I use a LOT of religious sounding talk. There is good reason for that and there's good reason I'm giving this it's own disclaimer. Theology & philosophy go hand-in-hand and theres a quadrillion combinations of words I could barf up from the deepest pits of my mind to discuss.

In the interest of keeping the top of this disclaimer an actual one I'm going to stop for now by saying I think I'm correct in using this language so liberally, for now, because it really does work as a way to connect with people who are used to hearing that language. Most #religiouslytraumatized people I know do the same, and Ive yet to find a good reason to stop. But if someone does get triggered from my religious verbiage at all, please let me know. I'm sure theres a way we can work it out that will make both of us feel better. Probably would just be me watching my damn satanist mouth or something

[nothing-a-good-nap-cant-fix]

now that school has allowed face to face, my thoughts are more reorganized, and im not spiraling into the same cycles in the comfort of my own bed. Now, ive met some people who were able to help me settle in the normal every day interactions and activities.

It makes things easier for me to get a ground of where im currently at, and evaluate my current state of mind and im able to grasp my thoughts and explain them in an understandable way. I don't talk in blurs anymore and dont speak in incomprehensible frenzy of emotions and mental breakdowns. Mentally, and psychologically. Physical doesnt matter to me anymore.

Speaking of physical, ever since i left my relatives and went back to staying home, the impact of my stay there severely affected me. I remember constant reminders of how i look. The shape of my body, my hygiene, my figure. It was a daily comment. Maybe to them, it was innocent. Maybe because they already said it to each other on the daily and weren't affected by it, they thought it was okay to joke about mine as well. I dont know. All i know that for once in my life i started caring about the thing i saw whenever i passed by the mirror. I couldnt bear to look at my face anymore knowing it was me. It was painful knowing that this was the body i lived in. I couldnt even skip meals to make me feel even just a little bit better, and avoid them, because theyd always start accusing me of acting emotional, being bitter, being immature, emo, moody, whatever words an adult can throw at a developing teenager. I wanted to die.

I had little to no privacy, sharing a room with someone, bunk bed, in a cramped stuffy room, no door to block out anything. The only personal space i had was my own bed, which even people liked to occasionally drag me from. I had issues with school at the time, that's why i was living with them. But they weren't helping. All they did was scold me about why i couldnt solve it on my own. They said that they were my age when they could already supervise their own school files, and that i should know it too. They shouldnt be doing stuff for me, they said. Im old enough, they said. But i dont know how to do it. I cant do it. They say im weird because im always scared to talk to people to ask to people. They get mad when i couldnt buy eggs because i was scared. I didn't know where the store is and even though they gave instructions. It was already hard for me to go out and buy normally. whatever.

Im so tired. I have to deal with everything that comes my way and i just want to scream and kick and cry.

But what if i do? Nothing will happen. Nothing will change. Ill just look more stupid. I might do something that will make more issues for me. I cant risk it, itll ruin my already peaceful situation.

I hate sundays. Its when my parents decide to stay home for the day and get mad at some point eventually. Usually, its about the messy state of our house. About how we should clean. Always so messy, they said.

Im tired. I dont want to live like this anymore. Ive changed. Thank goodness. I dont want to die anymore. I dont think ive ever wanted to die. I just wanted to stop existing to people. I want to stay as a spectator forever. All i do is watch from the sidelines. I dont want to be acknowledged, or known, or even seen.

Whatever.

Im tired. I want to cry. But i cant. Whatll it do? Nothing. It does nothing. It just makes me look more stupid. It will give me a cold. Itll have people aksing why im crying. Stupid dumbfucks. I wish theyd go somwhere else. I hate it when people ask if im okay. I want to bash their brains in. They should be shutting up. Sht the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut up bitch. Dead dead adead die die die die die die die die. Im tired. Maybe i should start smoking. But they said its painful. What should i do? Self harm? I cant do slits. Too showy. People will notice. They might even report me. Embarassing, theyll ask bulldhit questions at the office. What the fuck. I need something. Ah. Starving. I can. I should stop eating. Dad said i was growing weaker. I regret eating today. I wish i ddint eat. I wish i didny ask for anythibg. I wish i starved starve starve

[crepuscollo]

i will always hate my mom. even when everyone around me loves her and/or enjoys her company, i will never be on their side.

she shouldve established this connection with me when i was a child. not when i was a teenager. i have very little memories of me as a kid but i am so sure that even then, i didnt feel close to her or loved or accepted by her.

i always think maybe theres a deep meaning to how my parents raised me which deeply affected me and thats my “trauma”. but right now im thinking maybe i had such an incomprehensibly ugly childhood where i was so used to blaming my parents (especially my mom ofcourse. i always say my dad never rlly came into my life and i never even knew him or got along with him until we had to stay in alone in kuwait for a week together that one summer. it was really weird. i was shy and scared and awkward but im so much more comfortable now and hes so much more present.).

anyway, i was saying maybe i blamed everything on my parents because it was all i could do. and maybe they allowed it too much, like they do with my brother. its not like they could fix everything, not by magic. but i think i always hoped that they could take all the pain away, just by a hug, if i was lucky enough to get one.

i have no idea why ive been that way since i was soo young. since year 5 and 6 ive had such ugly trouble with opening up to my mom. i remember 2 specific times when i opened up about spiderman 1 and orange-f and she didnt seem to get me either time and i think she told me to stop being friends with orange-f. or she told me orange-f is a bad person… thats not what i needed to here about my closest friend. i needed help dealing with it not cutting her off. jesus christ why did she have to be so logical and religious all the time? maybe my mum never understood me or got me even when i was younger. maybe shes been making my bad days feel worse since forever, so i dont even remember putting these walls between us or forming these coping mechanisms. theyve always just been there.

another thing from my ugly childhood: my best friend. that ugly person i loved the most and never could let go of since day one, even when i felt like i resent and despise her and when i hated everything about her and tried my best not to become her and when i knew i deserved better and when i felt so alone and rejected and hated and judged and misunderstood. she was so fucking toxic. and i needed help. and my school community was so toxic. and i needed help. and i had no one to talk to. since day one. and i needed help. not a parent, not a friend, not even my sister. and i needed help. but no one was there to help.

i guess thats a reason why i always seeked attention. and when i find others getting more attention and validation for doing the same things as me or maybe less things or maybe nothing at all, it makes me feel small and less and invalidated and ridiculous and pathetic and unseen. maybe thats why i used to SH in yr7. it wasnt a way to let the pain out, it was a way to make the pain visible when i was screaming for help and no one saw it. WHY CANT THEY SEE THE PAIN? WHY IS NO ONE HELPING? WHY IS NO ONE DOING ANYTHING? CANT YOU SEE? im in so much pain.

i might not know why i used to suffer such great and unforgettable pain, or why a lot of it still lingers. but just because the reason is not clear does not invalidate me. i will let go of this burning desire to understand myself. because i dont need to explain myself. i can feel things without explaining them to anyone. without explaining the feeling and without explaining the reasons. its okay not to understand and to take your time understanding.

ive always felt like escaping kuwait would help me get better and improve my mental health and make it a lot less fucking draining to keep myself up and out of that dark black hole. maybe thats because this is where i felt all my pain, and to move on and let go, i need to move to somewhere new. with new places to see and make memories in and new people to experience things with. i need to be away from my parents and my friends and establish new, better, healthier connections.

ive really truly never written a post as intensely felt and genuine or authentic as this one. everything i wrote is so godamn real and true. god, this made me realise a lot of things. i dont think i still fully comprehend why my mum taking care of me emotionally has been tarnished since fucking forever but thats okay. i just know thats the way it is and thats enough. its valid. not everything needs a clear, logical explanation.

[ithisatanytime]

Bladee & Ecco2k – The Flag Is Raised (slowed + reverb)

anon asks “how do you know when god is trying to tell you something”

 ill give you a shorter answer and a more involved answer, because it will depend on where you are in your faith. ill start with the short answer by saying understand that god is the author of your entire life, and everyones life and everything that exists, there isnt a single mote of dust that will float past your eye that he didnt create to float past your eye in that instant. so just listen, and also pray, and when you pray understand that you are talking to the best friend you have ever had, ive seen so many people pray like robots and as though its some great chore, i even had a very mechanical prayer “dear god please forgive me for my sins and please bless my mom and my sister etc etc.” it sounds nice but its very sterile and god knows the desires of your heart, he knows literally everything and he wont be fooled, he already knows your desires before you ask them, so just pray and then pay attention. if you feel hes telling you to do something and you arent sure, pray on it honestly, hes not your probation officer hes your heavenly father, and he had us call him father for that reason! he knows you will sin, he knows your desires and your fears but most importantly he loves you incomprehensibly. imagine a father of a baby boy or girl, a toddler, a father filled with love and joy at his little toddler, will this father judge the toddler by the same measure he would judge his peers? of course not! this is grace, and this is only a human fathers grace imagine how much more grace a heavenly father would provide. serendipitous events, or things that just jump out at you, a phrase, an advertisement, a song lyric, even a mote of dust floating past your eye at an opportune moment, if you are listening i promise you hes speaking to you THROUGH your entire life, remember hes the author of it. to summarize just listen, now thats the short answer or the simple answer.

  the longer answer, the more complicated answer, is you should read the bible, specifically the king james bible, and read the entire thing from cover to cover, twenty pages a night or whatever you can reasonably do, the important thing is when you are convicted in your soul, or when you read things about god that you dont understand that just dont hit you quite right, DO NOT QUIT, read the entire thing and read it without preconceived notions from any church or modern religion. the first time i read the bible i read it in under two weeks, i believe it was under a week, because i was on fire. but i had tried in the past as an atheist just to have said id read it, and i never finished it, i got to the parts where god acted in ways that were contrary to my human understanding and quit, but when i did actually read the entire bible i was shocked and the stark contrast from what organized religion says god is and what he says he is, the fundamentals the very foundations of modern christianity are not biblical, the truth of god is beyond anything, its truly something, whereas organized religion whether pagan catholic or heretical protestant is a very narrow and frankly bizarre interpretation of scripture, if it all possible read the bible, if you read harry potter and the goblet of fucking fire you can read the bible its not much longer than that and its much better in my opinion, just do not STOP, read it to the end. you will understand gods nature only when you’ve finished the book. you will be convicted at times, you will wonder if god hates you for the sin in yourself its revealing, and by the end you will know that god loves you and you are completely redeemed, and reconsiled to god, meaning you can speak to him in TOTAL confidence and candidly and with pure honesty and he will listen with a love that is beyond human understanding and he will speak to you everyday, constantly. also dont worry if you feel like you arent understanding parts of the book, or you are so bored reading begats and long descriptions of tabernacles and temples and arks, just read the words and keep going, your soul is being prepared by the word like a garden thats been overgrown with weeds, the weeds are pulled the soil is turned, to prepare it for the planting of a good seed, the bible is the tool of the gardener to prepare the soul and the bible is also the seed. 

[sips-tea-cutely]

could you do the drv3 boys reacting to their normally really calm and kind s/o having a breakdown in the trial and insulting everyone ( alot like celestia ) and saying that they’d rather kill everyone here then stay in the killing game ? ( i dont mind what mod does it )

DRV3 boys’ s/o having a breakdown during the trial

note: this was requested after requests were closed but whatever. i wrote this at 3AM and gave up at Gonta and Ryoma’s so i don’t know if i did them justice

cw: sister mention in kiyo’s, vulgar slurs in kaito’s

#Shuichi Saihara

“you idiots don’t know the first thing about desperate!”

“s/o… what’s going on? we just want to survive!”

he thinks the times how kind you were: comforting him through kaede’s death, standing up for kiibo against kokichi’s ‘robophobic’ remarks..

was that all a lie?

this new persona of yours.. shuichi made it his mission as the ultimate detective to understand this side of you

#Rantaro Amami

“no matter who the enemy is, those who can’t adapt’ll be the first to die.”

he really couldn’t disagree

but still, why’re you acting like this?

he wanted to know you were fine in the head, but there wasn’t any time for that

if monokuma got bored, both of you would get punished

you weren’t the culprit, right?

you couldn’t be, you were so nice everyone

he refused to lose anyone else close to him

he refused to submit to despair

#Ryoma Hoshi

“honestly, i cannot believe these convictions.”

neither could he

kill him? he really thought he could’ve trusted you

you’re the first person he has loved in a while so he desperately want to believe these foul words were lies

he still believes you’re a good person

after the trial, he asks if you were alright. he was worried for you

he wants to believe you’re a good person, you love someone like him; a criminal

you love him, and he loves you

he has a reason to escape with everyone.

#Korekiyo Shinguji

“you little bitch! what the hell does that prove?!”

this is.. interesting to say the least

the kind s/o he has known.. was that a a facade or are both personalities true?

his original analysis of you was that you’d be a perfect friend for his sister

but maybe he was wrong

but putting his sister aside, a tiny part of him was worried for you

your breath was losing its rhythm and you grew more foul by the second

was this the real you?

he was certainly entertained

#Gonta Gokuhara

“it is not the strongest or smartest that survive, but those who can can bring about change.”

what happened to s/o?

he thought you were nice: helping him become a gentleman, clearing suspicions on him during trials, but what happened?

gonta isn’t the smartest but he could tell you were just losing your mind because of this game

a game that forces friends to kill each other.. even gonta was going to lose it

he believes that you’re innocent

but.. he doesn’t know how to prove it––

he never felt this stupid until now

all he could do was hope that shuichi’s sees the truth

#Kokichi Ouma

“i would’ve mowed down all of you to get out of this roman holiday!”

“wha..? my own s/o would‘be killed me? WAHHHHH YOU’RE SO MEAN!”

that was a fake

he just exaggerated his feelings

he was pretty concerned why this second personality was so… unhinged

after the trial, when the two of you are in private, he’s throwing a bunch of questions

he’s really worried

why are you acting like this? what secrets are you hiding?

#Kaito Momota

“the idea that i’d even be with miu… that- worthless slut!”

“wh-what the hell? hey, what’s gotten into you, s/o?”

he still wants to believe you’re a good person

this is a perfectly normal reaction to being suspected of murder

after the trial, if you aren’t even the culprit:

like maki roll, he invites you to train with him

he will do everything he can to help you calm yourself down

even if it kills him

#K1-B0

“because..! because.. because.. because, because, because!”

“s/o, are you alright? you are repeating the same word!”

this is… too incomprehensible to understand!

even more than kokich’s antics or kaito’s blind faith..

his inner voice told him to still believe you’re a good person

i mean.. you refuted all of kokichi’s teasing and defended him during angie and tenko’s deaths when tsumugi and gonta didn’t

you were a good person.

this wasn’t your fault, it was monokuma and the mastermind’s fault you’re acting like this

now, this was just another reason to end this killing game

[fagwolf-archive]

benrey and gman species headcanons!!!!

so i was thinking about benreys abilities and as i wrote out headcanons i decided u know what. i think benrey and gman are the same species. so here are some thoughts about their species:

- massive eldritch horrorterrory creatures, literally incomprehensible to the human brain. youd probably die if you saw their true forms, your brain would just overload and shut down

- so to exist in the science teams universe, they make themselves appear humanlike juzt so they dont accidentally kill people. also just for practicalities sake - way easier to walk through a door if youre human sized hsjfkhsdjk

- ofc they only LOOK human - theyre still all fucked up and monstery and can shapeshift. gman is older than benrey and has pretty much full control at all times over his form, benrey meanwhile struggles a bit to maintain it and forgets stuff about humans - like that their limbs dont bend that way, or their heads cant turn 180 degrees, or that they only have one row of teeth

- they are a mainly Predator Species and so a lot of their biology fits this!!!:

- bioluminescent eyes act as lure like anglerfish - and also sweet voice! ill go a bit more into sweetvoice in a moment but in hunting context, its used as pretty, hypnotic lure for prey and also to calm prey and induce docility and prevent fighting back (benrey doesnt rlly hunt so he just uses it to calm down gordon when he thinks hes too mad)

- benrey in particular’s “huh? whuh?” thing is cause natural predator instinct to hyperfocus on one thing coupled with Neurodivergency means he finds it really difficult to switch conversation topics or pay attention to multiple things at once.

- i thought a lot about communication as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

- their species has 3 basic forms of communication, or at least those are the 3 ive thought about:

- 1 is nonverbal - thats a LOT of their communication. body language, certain types of blinking or finger movement etc communicates tons. just like a species like a cat or rabbit.

- 2 is how they talk to their young. again, like cats, eldritches have a reserved form of communication (like meowing) for their babies. this is telepathy - they use it to talk directly and comfortingly to their kids and to immediately figure out what they need. this has also evolved into how they talk to humans - like cats meow at humans cause they see them as big babies.

- and eldritches dont actually speak english, they telepathically convert their language to whatever the humans mother tongue is, projecting the language straight into their head. annoying comparison, but like the tardis’ telepathic field in dr who.

- added onto this, this is why benreys english gets worse when hes emotional. e.g: “im a great cool, so now i gonna be bad”. he struggles more to keep up the telepathy when hes upset or ecstatic, so his english sounds more distorted.

- and ALSO benrey forgets as well that humans cant communicate telepathically. hell respond to something someone thought or read their emotions and react accordingly/get them what they need and he’ll be SO confused when theyre like “wtf how did you do that”

- 3 is SWEETVOICE!!! this is a big part of all assets of their language - its a simple ingrained way to communicate simple emotions and greetings etc, like “nice to meet you” “i like you” “i am feeling angry, dont talk to me” etc.

- gman doesnt use it as much because its generally considered a more simplistic and childish way to talk, as its the first way children learn to communicate outside of telepathy to express their basic emotions. benrey uses it a lot because he Likes It!!!!!!!! it easily expresses what hes trying to say.

- this is also why tommy knows how to read sweetvoice - personally i believe hez human and was adopted by gman but gman still taught him how to read sweetvoice. as hes adopted he cant do it himself, but hes the one who understands benreys communication the best cause he was raised by an eldritch

- the skeletons!! eldritches can create entities to assist them, theyre not living creatures they only exist while the species wants them to. benreys are the skeletons - they help him in the final battle and everything.

- benreys also a younger, weaker eldritch than gman is, and uses his skeletons in a slightly different way. the skeleton that asks gordon for his passport isnt ACTUALLY benrey, its an entity benrey has created while hes temporarily dead to project himself out of while his actual form is rebuilding itself in Limbo.

- i believe the whole thing gman was saying about benrey needing to be contained and everything after he was “killed” is just cause hes an abnormally immature/emotional eldritch, and is pretty outcasted and chaotic as far as things go. like usually these creatures are out being Space Diplomats or apex predators or smth meanwhile benrey just likes Being Around Humans And Playing Video Games :] hes looked down upon a bit

[lunartearrose]

Im tired and its probably gonna be an incomprehensible post but i feel like doing a little bit of ranting (so like, read it in a tired slow voice heheh)

Its abt how the relationship between goggles and rider is from my perspective. Like. (W hachi too)

Rlly to me the two of them like, really built this relationship of seeing each other as equal? Rider does sort of act a bit mean when there's other people in earshot in the beginning but really when rider and goggles are doing agent things or even just interracting in the later parts of the arcs rider like clearly sees him as an equal or higher kinda thing in the present. And i really like that cuz like even tho gogs is a goofball he's still being acknowledged as a pretty good turf war player like, all the time at least by rider! It's nice in a sense tho i totally cant think hard enough to provide examples esp when my brain wants a dif talkin point

On goggles end i know its tru with most of the big bad arc antagonists but i like just. The friendliness he ends up offering rider and you can really see how it helps to soften his demeanor over time yknow? I think its like, something rider probably needed/appreciated since every other inkling was always so scared or made him out to be mean. But then here's this idiot with an undertone of bravery in there (because you don't exactly need brains to be brave or walk right up to the guy that's been put on such a lofty pedestal and actively hates teaming)

And whoops adding hachi time but like. I like to think goggles talked about rider to hachi plenty and made him out to be how he saw him - kind, strong and really cool in general. And hachi is like, another impact on rider cuz like this octo who doesnt know him and from his knowledge should probably dislike him for taking back zapfish just helped rescue him along with goggles. Yes yg team is a big help cuz they care and love rider as friends i feel there's something a lil special about an octoling that should have beef just liking you immediately. This octoling immediately cherishes u in a similar manner to goggles who helped you grow as a person bit by bit how do you feel.

Appreciation thats how

Idk man i just rlly appreciate the dynamics between rider gogs and hachi and i want to make more so i fuckibn will fics it haha pun fics fix sound the same

But like. Yeah agent 24.5/goraichi is peak and tho there's some points where its understandable to maybe dislike the gorai bit but like. Pwease do respect their dynamic even in a platonic way they are friends so much and they care abt each other.a nd i love them. I dunno who wouldn't but if ur out there they love each other and want to protect each other wether its platonically or romantically viewed. U cannot change me on this

Idk maybe I'm dreaming or whatever but the three have smthn special that i am. Face pressed up against glass like a kid at an aquarium here for. I just really like them and i hope to get more of the 3 being important to each other in some form bc like i will make it myself but also canon content is a fantastic thing to have okay

Kay time to knock out. Dont forget water u guys. Rest well

[crazygaysex]

incomprehensible conjecture and rambling about sunny/rcg under the cut! idk man I got 1 hour of sleep in the past 24 or wataver and my brain is an abandoned swamp Good Nigte

i certainly am not arguing that mac Absolutely Isnt a stereotype of a predatory gay man/self-hating homophobe or whatevr. i wont argue the homophobe one at all really,not great even if they rectified it and further tried to make up for it or whatever w mac finds his pride (which i love, regardless). but honestly i dont think the predatory complaint really makes a whole lot of legitimate sense considering every charatcer on the show is Extremely predatory in their own right. if he wasnt i’d be irritated to be honest. i do agree w wat mcelhenney said something like that its cool that they decided to acknowledge he was gay without changing him fundamentally as a person; he still needs to fit into the show or watever. like idk he’s not Ideal Gay Rep ofc but he’s awesome still. To Me. I like when character’s sexuality can be an improtant acknowledged facet of them but doesnt overtake the rest of te narrative! It never occurred to me that his behavior toward dennis would be seen as predatory ina stereotypical way seeing as how their relationship dynamic is so fckign bizarre. charlie has the same level of dogged cluelessness about the obj of his affection’s true feelings, so it didnt occur to me to see mac touching dennis’ knee or stuff of that variety as being any different ig or as making fun of queers or watevr. if i am wrong/misunderstanding i apologize. i have never considered mac from that perspective before.

honestly i kinda get the complaints. i’ve never rly thought rcg all have 10000% pure intentions with the insensitive kind of humor they are into, no matter their loophole justifications for shit. sometimes i almost believe their reasoning and do basically understand but it still seems flimsy when you considers stuff like the blackface stuff which is indeed kind of funny at times mainly bc the joke is the absurdity of it all, like mac in the shower with the brown dripping off him like he’s melting; it’s not funny at the expense of black ppl but more so at the expense of how goddam stupid and unaware mac is. i havent seen the blackface/brownface ones in years sos i dont have a whole lot to say excepe they seemed to be clearly against using blackface as the moral while still using it to get laughs. so. really honestly i don’t know that it’s Liderally Ever edgy white people’s call to use something like blackface regardless of context, regardless of their obvious intent? i dunno i have tried to find Black ppls opinions online a couple times but struggled to find any tangible results. the only other thing i have to say with ym white person words is that i think it’s stupid that the streamig companies take down all insensitive episodes like theyre trying to brush them under the rug and pretend it never happened in wake of a changing political climate. i get it, but kinda just seems like corporate scrambling ie disney getting ridof all of song of the south but still profiting from splash mountain eprhaps. something seems dodgy to me about pretending it doesnt exist anymore just to cover their asses. i understand the sentiment i guess but i dont think that’s really the main goal of the BLM movement, to purge streaming services of any questionable/racially insensitive/Fully Racist material; there’s surely more important things at the top of the lists besids Good Branding . im not sure if that makes sense

also a lot of episodes the joke is the blatant but somehow woefully oblivious homoerotic overtones present between the guys, like a Lot of the time. it is very funny though is the thing and a lot of thm are my favorites. i dunno. i also thought hte pooping transgender bit was pretty funny mainly cause it was absurd. i think maybe because i have my own what i think are reaosnable and empathetic views about certain stuff like queer shit it doesnt necessarily occur to me that they are trying to make fun of queer people.. like people make fun of conservative fans for having completely missed the point of it all being satire, and wat if i am being tricked to into assuming rcg has kind intentions and isnt trying to make fun of queer people just cause the thought didnt occur to me? instead of taking all the gay subtext serious- WHICh i Do, i should probably be more aware that to rcg it is just a bit and not really that deep. but mac and dennis were totally fucjing in s5 canonically. anwyays like aside from the carmen shit which is handled So Fuckign Bad and it makes me so upset cause i actually love carmen they were just very clearly not bothered with actually representing trans people accurately. so in the bathroom one if even fuckin dee reynolds is like, saying a trans woman in a woman’s bathroom is obviously normal.. it seems like they’d rectified some of their previous Very flawed rhetoric surrounding trans women (ie the whole “u slept with me when i was still a man” line. makes me cringe a bit ebery time)u get wat i mean?? not that it atones for it obviously. i love carmen she desreved better

butreallt i dont have any like. Pure Faith in rcg to be super accountable or honest about their intentions or to have the most accurate or agreeable beliefs or whataver. theyre just fucking about really because they can without any lashback. and people i think like being able to laugh at offensive shit thru scenarios which supposedly distance you from bigots/evil people and make u feel better about yourself watching these dumbass evil people talk slime. when like. glenn yelling supposedly arabic-sounding gibberish for example: it is funny in this context not just cause it’s wildly inappropriate and absurd but also because there’s prob significant amt of people who actually dont have an issue with it who could watch it and not have that takeaway whatsoever. i dont kno wt im talking about anymore btu honestly if youre trying to watch a show that isnt rife throughout with controversial/offensive/insensitive language and story beats, i dont know why you would try to stomach it with sunny. like for gods sake they used blackface more than once! i dunno man