#i can't believe i've been kissing people for 15 years and i only just figured this out

[coquelicoq]

i JUST realized that literally every time i have started making out with someone for the first time it's been while lying down. every single time. what is this? am i incapable of initiating kiss contact with a new person while standing or sitting? is this my move? do i have a move??

[poussacha]

found this on my old facebook page and i'm supposed to be working so naturally i'm doing this instead

1. Real name → spreadsheet or talls 2. Nickname(s) → talls, tally, headshrimp, doe, ss 3. Status → alive 4. Zodiac sign → leo 5. Male or female → lmao. naw. 6. Elementary School → too many 7. Middle School → too many 8. High School → graduate  10. Hair color → black 11. Long or short → long 12. Loud or Quiet → yes 13. Sweats or Jeans → currently wearing slacks 14. Phone or Camera → phone 15. Health freak → does helth count 17. Do you have a crush on someone? → not really, no 18. Eat or Drink → drink 19. Piercings → ears 21. Water or Fire → listen to me. i have this very interesting idea about a water bender that can heat water. NOT a fire bender. a water bender, but i haven't done any research on what happens to water molecules when they heat up and how a bender of ONLY water could do that, but like i figure if water benders can make ice they can probably ALSO heat water? food for thought 22. Love of your life or 4 Billion Dollars → i'm gonna take the money because with 4 billion dollars my ass can save LIVES. i don't care about falling in love with someone romantically, i just want to help people. FIRSTS:  23. First fear → abandonment 24. First best friend → mindy 25. First award → most improved in science or something 26. First crush → some guy named scott 27. First pet → sherikhan 28. First big vacation → not sure i've ever done one of those 30. First big birthday → fifth? ninth? who can remember their childhood. not this bitch. CURRENTLY:  49. Eating → fruity pebbles 50. Drinking → pinot noir 52. I'm about to → finish this thing i'm working on 53. Listening to → starstruck - christopher wilde 54. Plans for today → the days over bestie it's like midnight 55. Waiting for → me to get my head out of my ass and finish this stupid newsletter for my fucking job so i can go to bed. YOUR FUTURE:  58. Want kids?→ who has money for that  59. Want to get married? no lol 60. What careers do you have in mind? considering i'm 10 years deep in a marketing and communications career, i obviously want to leave all of that behind to own a bookstore in a sleepy sea side town in ireland WHICH IS BETTER WITH GUYS/WOMEN?  68. Lips or eyes → eyes 70. Shorter or taller? → idk man 72. Romantic or spontaneous → no thanks 73. Nice Legs or belly?→ i'm telling on myself, but belly. when bellies are just delicately round i'm like ohhhh noooo. 74. Sensitive or loud → sensitive 75. Hook-up or relationship → seeing my old answers knowing i'm aroace is a whole fuckin thing 77. Drama or Super Shy → i did used to go by the nickname drama HAVE YOU EVER:  80. Lost glasses/contacts → yea 81. Ran away from home → yea but it was like down the street for a few hours nothing major 82. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → i'm femme presenting. OBVIOUSLY i have. 83. Killed somebody → i'm too nice for th at 84. Been Heartbroken → oh a bunch 85. Been arrested → unfortunately 87. Cried when someone died → yeah DO YOU BELIEVE IN:  89. Yourself → not really 90. Miracles → i'mma need one to find a new job 91. Love at first sight → no 92. Heaven → yes, but also no? 93. Santa Claus → i believe in an arch elf named bernard tbh 94. Sex on the first date → this is such a weird question because i'm aroace but i've done this before. but i also thought the only way to receive love was through sex. so i doubt i would do this now. i just don't really care about sex. 95. Kiss on the first date → barf. ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:  97. Is there one person you want to be with right now more than others → i can't really think of anyone i wanna be with. maybe nelly? i miss her. but tbh i'm perfectly content being home with my cats 98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → yes and no 99. Do you believe in God → i don't know how to answer this

[silverrstarrr]

Headcanons of Eren with a Black s/o!🍡

(Happy black history month babes! Remember blm isn't just in this month but all year long :p)

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• You guys most likely met in your high school years.

• I feel as if Eren would stare a lot at you during freshman year. Not in a bad way but in a Curious/adoring way. I mean all his friends are white lmao💀

• He probably approached you during a class period you guys have together.

• I don't think he would be ignorant? But he'll most likely ask to touch your hair.

• Maybe you have braids, locs, or passion twist or your natural curls out/4c Afro—doesn't matter, he'll ask to touch your hair.

• Of course you can decline and tell him no, he won't really fuss over it. He'll even apologize.

• But trust me, he's going to keep staring 😭 he thinks you're really pretty, don't worry ;)

• He won't care about your Skintone/shade, lightskin, brownskin, dark-skinned. He likes them all, I don't see Eren ever have a preference in girls in general.

• Whoever he likes, he likes.

• You guys hit it off in your freshman year.

• He'll ask a lot of questions about you and your culture and your hair

"Hey, why do you wear braids??"

"Is your hair really this long? Wow 😁"

• PLEASE LMAO, I TAKE THESE AS AN INSULT BUT I KNOW HE'S JUST HE CURIOUS 😭

• You'll have to explain to him about your hair.

• You guys most likely snapped and he sent a streak of him getting out the shower and his hair is wet.

• You'll go on about how you can't wash your hair everyday, that you have a certain wash day and his reaction is like "😲"

• Poor baby is like "woooow" and ever since then, he's been hook up to learn about your lifestyle, your family, cookouts, etc. He just wants to know you.

• He calls you pretty a lot.

• Not in a flirtatious way just because he thinks YOURE really pretttyyyy. He's just stating the obvious queen🙄❗

• He offered to go to the Beauty supply store once or twice to buy your weave/pick out the next color. Or he'll just accompany you.

• Also would pick out your next nail color, maybe hairstyle.

• He doesn't care if you wear lakefront, wigs, braids, or natural. He believes they're all beautiful. Plus he understands that our hair need protective hairstyles and can't really, yjehehejehwhww iykyk.

• During BHM, he would do the mossstt.😭

• He'll buy you food and buy you hairproducts.

• He'll constantly post about African American stories on his social media.

• Talked Armin into making a poem about discrimination and racism then made him read out loud to you in the hallway😭

• Would buy a BLM shirts for him Mikasa and Armin.

"Look y/n! We're supporting your people. Remember we're on your side. BLM!!"

• IM CRACKLING TOO MUCH LMAOOOO.

• Don't worry, he's has the right attitude but mann💀

• Depends on the type of person you are: you probably confronted them and told them to relax. Or, you dealt with it and the embarrassment 😭

• You most likely ask him for Reparations 🙄❗🤞

• He deadass would give you them.

• He'll be confused at first and probably wouldn't  even understand the word 💀

• But he'll give you money though LMAO.

This was 15 year old Eren, moving on to when he's older.

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• You guys are older. You've been introduced to the rest of his friend squad. Jean, Connie, Marco, sasha etc.

• Jean most definitely thinks you're pretty and fell for you at first sight. Eren didn't like this at all.

• Eren never really understood why he didn't like it when Jean played in your braids. Eren then started to purposely make you lay between his legs so he play with your braids before Jean could.

• They probably reacted the same as Eren about regarding your hair.

• Eren would take it upon himself to explain and even tell them about Lace fronts, sew ins, braids, etc

• He'll probably show off about  how much he knows about your hair.

• Eren would ask to help you with your hair.

• He most likely looked up YouTube videos about how to plate hair or how to deal with your hair type in general.

• You could probably teach him. He wouldn't understand the first time but with practice, he's pretty good. Not better than you though 🙄🤞❗

• Carries Hair ties, brushes and combs on him just for you.

• You also carry hair ties for him because of his long hair.

• You're the person who even puts his hair into that sexy ahh man bun🤨❗

• Most likely help you on wash day. Massages oil into your scalp.

• Supplies you with hairproducts.

• Likes it when you play in his hair. During PE, you guys would sit on the bench. Him between your thighs relaxing as you caress his hair.

• You guys look so cute and perfect while doing this. Connie and Sasha would always tease you about being Eren's gf.

• Loves your food! Like literally, he's in love with it.

• During the summertime, you invited him to a cookout. A lot of your family members stared at him but you know, they're accepting and gave him some food, chatted him with etc.

• Ever since then, he would always ask your mom to come over for dinner or save him a Plate lmao😭

• Sometimes if you were to cook, he'll be in the kitchen watching you

"Why are you watching me?"

"I wanna watch you so I can learn to cook your food and surprise you one day with it."

"Suurree but you can't out-cook me."

• He'll then smirk and accept that challenge.

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Sorry I just realized I've only been talking about yall friendly part, lemme get into more intimacy 🥲

• He always have his hands on your hips, waist or ass.

• Maybe you're cuddling in the library or something, his hands are on your ass.

• Black women naturally have curvy bodies In my opinion. And curvy can mean thick, skinny or in the middle. They're still curves.

• He loves kissing your lips. Either that or your neck.

• When you're walking together he always have his hand around your waist.

• Eren seems like the type to hug you from behind and kiss the top of your head.

• I dont think he's big on PDA but that doesn't mean he won't do it.

• You're talking to Jean? Wraps his arms around your waist from behind and places his head on your shoulder- kissing your neck.

• If you so happen to have thay dump trunk in the back, he'll always caress it, give it a pat or smack it. But in the most sly way ever.

You're in the hallway, chatting up with Jean. You guys are discussing the topics of what was recently covered in class. Jean cracks a joke about how the teacher was talking and their looks. You laugh at the small insults he was throwing at your professor. Eren recently just left his class a few doors down from where you and Jean was. He notices your long box braids from down the hall and sees a tall male walking alongside with you. Eren quickly caught up with you guys. As he walked passed you, his hands slides over and grabs a good squeeze from your ass. Naturally you wouldn't mind but for some reason you got embarrassed and flustered. Most likely it was because Jean was there. Before you could respond  and complain to him, he leans over and places his lips against yours. Obviously, you kiss him back as his free hand grabs your chin, deepening the kiss. It was passionate. The kiss was probably to make up for his sudden actions but it was also because he missed your presence and touch. The way your lips felt against his own, his hands grasping and holding your hips rolled, everything. Jean rolled his eyes,

"Okay lovebirds, I get it." You break away from Eren with a small smile. You turn towards  Jean with an apologetic look, since he did just kiss you in the middle of a conversation.

Jean nodded and said his goodbyes, he'll catch up with you another. Watching as his figured faded within the crowd, you turn towards Eren and smack his arm. He let out an "ow" in response.

"Eren, what was that for? I usually don't mind it but we were chatting."

He lets out a soft groan and buries his head into your neck. He released the grip on your rear and just lays it there as his other hand slips down and does the same. You tap his back and he raises his head from it's previous position. You give him a few quick pecks, wrapping your arms around his neck, he quickly to returns the small kissed back. You both smile at one another, letting out a small giggle.

"Its okay baby, I miss you too." You peck his cheek for the last time.

"We can walk home together after school, meet me at my last period class." 

Eren face brightens up when you say those words. Mann, this boy was in love. The bell rang and you notice all the kids scrambling to get to class. He releases his arms from you and grabs your hand as you both scurry along to your next period class.

He drops you off and waves at Armin and Marco that happens to be in your last period.

"Remember your promise y/n!!" He said as he walked off to the direction of his class.

You rolled your eyes jokingly and settled in to class.

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Okay bonus:

I feel as if Eren would talk you into making those tik toks that beautiful darkskin/brownskin woman do with makeup and their cute ass hair. Of course you'll end up doing it because he kept hyping yo ass up and wouldn't let it down.

The video actually goes viral and gets a decent 345k likes with 1.1m views. Some of the kids in school  came across the video and started chatting up with you. Even some guys you never knew before started to hit you up but Eren gets so Jealous and has you hold his hands always in the halls 😭

Okay thank you loves! Please request/suggest things for him. I don't mind doing one of these for Jean, Connie, etc. Next up are my jjk men 🤨❗

[iamthepulta]

10, 11, 18, 25 for the writing meme?

Ah! I forgot to answer these delicious questions!

10. Has a piece of writing ever "haunted" you? What does that mean to you?

For me, that means "a WIP that follows you around in your moments of weakness and stabs you for abandoning it- only it hasn't really been abandoned so it's like lovers-to-enemies with one of the parties running away really fast". The worst of these is The Tale of Jean Shea. It was one of my original works when I was 15-ish, and it had an Okay plot of travellers recording deserted post-apocalyptic areas and and making sure people's stories are told; which turned into an urban fantasy with ghosts and a base on the moon and then a plot between the moon base and the people who governed earth to.... I can't remember.

But either way, I got all the way to them travelling to Iceland and I lost the plot. I miss this story and I'd like to go back to it someday, but it needs heavy revamping. My depictions of fantasy-ghosts that are spiritual imprints but can also touch things and teleport and become ‘real’ again if they’re loved, haunts me.

11. Do you believe in the old advice to "kill your darlings?" Are you a ruthless darling assassin?

Not really. I tend to operate on the amount of characters I need for the plot and no more. Found Family > Game of Thrones. But I probably could have a lot of fun trying to write Game of Thrones if I really tried.

18. Choose a passage from your writing; tell me about the backstory, how you came up with it, and how it changed from start to end.

OOoooo.

Mary didn’t come into the office often, but it was still several times a week. Westlie had spent hours of her life trying to figure out why Mary worked as a secretary for Arthur. The woman was tall, lithe, fashionable, and only halfway decent at math. Her handwriting was the least neat part about her, which was to say, the rest of her was fucking flawless and her cursive looked like someone took a bunch of stamps, stuck them in a printing press, and churned out pages of the stuff without mistakes. She was the only one who could get away with wearing her hair down and Arthur not sending her home: probably because it fell in over her shoulders in waves of enticing brown ringlets and it looked less pretty down than it did up. She styled it every fucking morning somehow, before she came into work. She was twenty-five years old, a solid two years older than Westlie, a kiss-ass, she belonged at a fashion agency, not Fairweather, and Westlie wanted to eat her alive on sight.

- Liztlie AU, Chapter 8

Mary's introduction while accosting Westlie to give her more paperwork. Probably the best character introduction I've ever written; it wrote itself. I think I've rearranged a few sentences but that was it. I imagine Mary as a high-society prep who wants to be working class but doesn't really have the skills to be good at it, and she's just a born asshole because she sees everyone else as beneath her. Which, coincidentally, is exactly what Arthur thinks, so they got that going for their creepy Employer-Secretary eyecandy relationship.

The phrase of "wanted to eat her alive on sight"? Never going to top that one. I read it and every single time I lose my mind. It's my own damn writing and I go Yes, Westlie, eat her.

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

For some reason, in my head, Morgan (the younger sister in Liztlie AU) had this obsession with growing up. It's totally irrelevant to the story because she's 20 in the now and thinks she's the queen of the world, but if I wrote the story of Morgan growing up, it'd be a lot of suffing her shoes, big shirts, and obscure growing pagan rituals.

[bobasheebaby]

75 Criminal Minds Prompts

Some of these can easily go very, very dirty, and yes I’m talking about Morgan and Garcia conversations and honestly would it be a list without them?

1 “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you’ve really stopped to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. ― Hotch

2 “Life is a hell of a thing to happen to someone.”― David Rossi

3 “Destroying a book is like…destroying a whole world.” — Diana Reid 

4 “Trust me, kiddo. I’ve been here before.” ― David Rossi

5 “I’ve always heard every ending is also a beginning. We just don’t know it at the time. I’d like to believe that’s true.” — Emily Prentiss 

6 “He is the perfect man. He doesn’t hog the covers, and he poops in a box.” — Emily Prentiss 

7 “Went on a diet last night. Lost 185 pounds.” — Dr. Tara Lewis 

8 “Marital bliss followed by marital diss! Of course. Why didn’t I think of that?” — Penelope Garcia

9 “I don’t take kindly to being blown up. In fact, it kind of pisses me off.” — Derek Morgan 

10 “You know, I've learned that, in the short time I've had the privilege of being a dad... it heals wounds, just being there for your kid.��� — David Rossi

11 “What makes you feel confident?” “Statistics.” — Derek Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid

12 “NAME , believe me when I say this, I've never known a normal day in my entire life.” — Dr Spencer Reid

13 “The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss.” — Dr Spencer Reid

14 “No one gets therapy these days without a healthy dose of medication.” “What are you implying, NAME?” “That everyone is medicated.” — Dr Spencer Reid and Penelope Garcia

15 “He/She doesn't give a damn about black or white. The only color that son of a bitch cares about is green.” — Dr Spencer Reid

16 “I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.” “I never said that. When have I ever said that?” “Every day since I met you!” — Dr Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan

17 “I never have any normal fans.” — Dr Spencer Reid

18 “Hey, Baby Girl, whatever you’re doing, drop it.” — Derek Morgan

19 “Talk to me, Baby Girl.” — Derek Morgan

20 “There you go, Baby Girl, that’s sweet.” — Derek Morgan

21 “Give it to me, doll face.” — Derek Morgan

22 “Hey, doll face. Ready to work some magic for me?” — Derek Morgan

23 “Hey, silly girl. I love you, you know that, right?” — Derek Morgan

24 “Hey girl, you’re on speaker. Behave.” “Or what, you’ll spank me?” — Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia

25 “It was once said that love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.” — Derek Morgan

26 “Hey baby girl, I need you to work that magic of yours.” “Rub my lamp, release the Genie.” — Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia

27 “You really are afraid of the dark.” “I'm working on that.” “You should work a little harder.” — Derek Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid

28 “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pump your brakes. What is this about?” — Derek Morgan

29 “Oh, and if you hate sad stories as much as I do, you should leave the room right now, 'cause this is super sad!” — Penelope Garcia

30 “Enchantress of all things possible, use your imagination.” — Penelope Garcia

31 “My least three favorite words strung together: I don't know.” — Penelope Garcia

32 “Hello, my pretties. I have seen the wizard and he granted my wish.” — Penelope Garcia

33 “She knew where to toe the line between right and raunchy.” — Penelope Garcia

34 “OK, let me get you on a secret: Guys, we don’t do well on subtle clues, OK? You got to be direct, straight up. Just tell him exactly what you want!” — Derek Morgan

35 “It’s who you are, Baby Girl. You see the beauty in everything and everyone no matter where you go. That part of you is never gonna change, and I won’t let it.” — Derek Morgan

36 “NAME, people need to know that they're important and sometimes you forget that.” — Hotch

37 “Don't you have something better to do?” “Than to annoy you for three hours? Hell no.” — Hotch and Derek Morgan

38 “I think, deep down, we're all capable of unspeakable things. Where it starts or what you call it, I don't know.” — Hotch

39 “NAME, this is the job, and I need to know that you can be objective.” “And I need to know that I can be human.” — Hotch and Emily Prentiss

40 “Scars show us where we have been, they do not dictate where we are going.” — Rossi

41 “You don't need to do anything you don't want to. Understand?” — Rossi

42 “Just be careful. That ego of yours is going to get you in trouble." — Rossi

43 “Somewhere along the line, I put myself first. I admit it, but I can't go back and change it." — Rossi

44 “It could be that, after all of these years, I rewrote history." — Rossi

45 “Time will pass and slowly you will find how much it hurts. And, maybe, you'll find something else to fill that empty space." — Rossi

46 “Where you headed?” “Nowhere in particular.” “How will you know when you get there?” — Rose and Gideon

47 “Only a man would waste $50 trying to win back that $3 stuffed animal.” — JJ

48 “This is my favorite part. This is where you hang yourself with your own tongue. So, please keep talking.” — JJ

49 “My father/mother believes that children shouldn't be shielded from the realities of the world. I do! Isn't that why we read them fairy tales in the first place?” — JJ

50 “Oh god, please tell me you don't have a crush on a fictional character.” — JJ

51 “You are the best ever.” “Aw, and you're the most perceptive.” — JJ and Garcia

52 “I once dated a guy/girl who washed his/her car more than he/she washed his/her hair.” — JJ

53 “Don't tell me what I want and don't want.” — JJ

54 “You do what it takes to protect your family.” — JJ

55 “Look, I don't speak smartass.” — Michael Russo

56 “How's it having NAME around?” “You can have him/her back whenever you would like.” Hotch and Garcia

57 “So, NAME, when are you and NAME walking down the aisle?” “Hey, whoa, whoa. Baby steps. Baby steps.” “When NAME says "I do", it'll be a national day of mourning for single men/women everywhere.” — Rossi, Morgan and Reid

58 “Ugh! This heat is brutal!” “You know, it isn't so much the heat as it is the humidity.” “At some point, it doesn't matter how you look at it. It all sucks.” — Derek Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid

59 “Need a minute?” “So, so badly.” — Matt Simmons and Penelope Garcia

60 “Hey. I came as soon as I could. What's wrong?” — Matt Simmons

61 “We ask questions, and we come home.” “No creepy weirdness?” “No weirdness.” “Good, 'cause I'm about full up in the creepy weirdness department for one night.” — Matt Simmons and Penelope Garcia

62 “Ooh, what about this one? Sunny, two-bedroom. It's close to work. And it's in your price range.” “NAME, you're moving? You don't like change.” “That's true. Change is my kryptonite. But the apartment is no longer a sanctuary. I have a new neighbor. Window's right here. He enjoys doing naked kung fu. Some things you cannot unsee.” — JJ, Simmons and Garcia

63 “Thank you.” “For what?” “For being you.” “Aw, thanks. I don't know how to be anyone else.” — Emily Prentiss and Dr Spencer Reid

64 “When a woman tells a man about her feelings, she doesn't want him to fix her. She wants him to shut up and listen.” — Emily Prentiss

65 “I just feel I can't understand others' emotions if I don't deal with my own, you know?” “The best way out is always through.” “Too bad it's not always the easiest one.” “You're not kidding.” — Dr Tara Lewis and Rossi

66 “It helps if they think you're crazy. They don't argue.” — Diana Reid

67 “I don’t hate you ... I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.” — Dr Spencer Reid

68 “There are many paths to the same place. Trust me.” “Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie.” — Hotch

69 “I’m always right. Also, you’re secretly in love with me.” — Penelope Garcia

70 “I just gave the bartender my number in Roman numerals. If he/she figures it out, he’s/she’s worth a shot.” — Dr Spencer Reid

71 “Shh, the adults are talking. When it’s your turn to speak, I’ll give you permission. Okay?” — JJ

72 “Hey, mama, tell me something I don’t know.” — Derek Morgan

73 “Talk dirty to me.” — Penelope Garcia

75 “Hey, don’t make me spank you when I get back.” “Don’t listen time him/her, NAME, he’s/she’s all talk.” — Derek Morgan and Dr Spencer Reid

[lunasxsol]

Love Like This

Bill Skarsgård x Reader

Word Count: 2194

Warnings: Abortion

(A/N: If you do not believe a woman should have a choice on her body then you can fuck off thank you vm. On another note I hope you enjoy this angsty fic. I just had this idea lingering in my mind so it’s here now..)

As I sat in the waiting room dreading my name being called, I looked at the other women that look terrified to go into one of the rooms. Some of them came alone as myself and others came with their significant others or friends. A nurse had brought over a clipboard with some paper I had to sign. I was so nervous I couldn't keep my hands from shaking, I felt like I was going to pass out. Someone took my hand in theirs, I look up to see my best friend Maia. She took me in her arms as I silently cried.

"It's okay, I'm here."

"I thought I was gonna have to go through this alone."

She shook her head taking the clipboard from me, "I would never let you do this alone. Now you sit and calm down and I'll fill this for you okay?" I nodded taking a drink from my water.

Once she finished filling out the forms she handed them back to the nurse and we waited to be called over.

"Y/n L/n"

I got up quickly as did Maia, "You'll be alright, I'll wait here." She gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the head."

"Alright hun lets get you prepped." The nurse said as she took me to one of the operating rooms.

After 15 mins the procedure was finally done, they took me to the recovery room where Maia sat on the couch waiting for me. The nurse, Stella, handed me a cup of water and some pain meds before she went back to her office.

"You okay?" I nodded laying on the bed, Maia took my hand in hers. "He called." I stayed quiet not carrying what he had to say. "He called me too, I didn't pick up."

"Maia, I don't care anymore. I needed him here more than anything and he left me." My eyes started watering once again. "We'd been together for two years and he couldn't respect my one difficult decision. He can go to hell for all I care."

We stayed quiet for a while until the doctor came back and discharged me. Maia took drove us home, I thanked her for being there for me, "I'm going to sleep early today, goodnight Maia." She nodded.

I went into my room shutting the door quickly, taking a seat on my bed and letting myself cry. Maybe if we had gone through this conversation differently then maybe he would've respected my decision.

[Flashback]

I looked at the pregnancy test that read PREGNANT in its bold letters. What the hell was I gonna do? I'm only 19, I'm still enrolled in the uni. I have so much ahead of me. I can't put it aside, I've worked too hard for it.

"Hey babe!" Bill spoke as he walked into my room. "So my parents are having a celebratory dinner for Alexander- hey what's wrong?" He turned me around and I handed him the test. "Hey its alright, we'll figure this out."

I shook my head, "I'm not ready."

He pulled me into a hug sighing, "Neither am I but we can do this. You have me.. till the end."

"No you don't understand.. I'm not ready, I can't have a baby right now, Bill."

"So what you're going to give it up?" I nodded. "You're kidding right?"

"Bill, we aren't ready. Do you not get it?" I threw the pregancy test in the trash brushing past him and taking a seat on my bed. "Your body isn't going to go through the entire change. I am not you. You get to walk around and continue to do your shit while I go to class carrying the child and getting called a whore for opening my legs at a young age. So yes I am going to give it up because I'm too fucking young to have a child."

"Fuck them, you shouldn't give a fuck of what other people say about you. God knows I don't so neither should you."

I chuckled, "My parents sacrificed so much so they can send me here to study at the uni of my choice, I'm not messing it up because of our fuck up."

"So what our child is a fuck up now?" He was red with anger.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way but if you loved me you would respect my decision."

"I love you (Y/n but I'm sorry, I don't agree with it. So whatever you're thinking of doing to our 'fuck up' you can do it alone." He left slamming the door loudly leaving me completely alone.

[End of flashback]

I sat up turning the tv on to have some sort of background noise. There was a knock at my door I groaned not wanting to see Maia or anyone at the moment. "Maia I'm okay, I just want to sleep."

The door was opened and a tall figure had walked in.

"Hey."

"Get out."

"I'm sorry."

"Get the fuck out." He didn't listen and instead kept coming closer. "Bill seriously get the fuck out."

"I need to talk to you."

I chuckled, "Well if it's to try and change my mind you can kindly fuck off cause the procedures done and so are we."

"I know it's done and I should've been there." I finally looked up at him his eyes sunken and red. "I'm sorry, I should have respected your decision because it's your body. I was just happy that we were gonna have a baby. I thought you wanted one."

"I did, I do, just not now. Not till I was settled." He nodded both our eyes brimming with tears. "Bill I need a break, a really long break. You fucked up and I-I don't know anymore. Look I'm 19 you're 26, I don't want kids till I'm like 30 or maybe never I don't know. And well with the way you reacted it's evident you want kids now. I knew this relationship wasn't gonna last."

"Hey, hey, I do want kids but I can wait. Just don't-don't leave, please." He took my hand in his but I quickly moved it away.

I sighed now full on crying, "I'm sorry Bill but this isn't gonna work out. You can find someone your age that you can settle down with now. I still have years before I'll even remotely be sure if I want kids. By then you'll be in your mid 30s, which is besides the point but what if I don't want kids what will you do then?" He shrugged his shoulders crying silently. "I love you Bill but we can't be together anymore."

He got up pressing a lingering kiss on my forehead, "I'm sorry."

***

3 years later

Today was finally moving day. I had finished my studies in New York and I was moving back down to LA. My parents were a bit against it since we had lived there years ago but they hated it there but I loved it. I was moving down by the beach areas. Maia was staying here with her fiancé.

"Well Ms. those are the last of your boxes." I handed the movers a decent tip and they went on their way.

I turned to Maia as she was already getting emotional, "Hey no crying, it's bad for the baby."

She chuckled pulling me in for a tight hug, "Hey me and Rosalie are gonna miss you."

I pulled away immediately in shock, "it's a girl?" She nodded causing me to shriek in excitement. Tyler came into the room and I jumped on him. "Congrats!"

"We were actually wondering if you would like to organize the baby shower for us." Tyler spoke.

"Yes of course!"

"We wanted to do it in 4 months. Closer to her due date."

"Once I get everything situated in LA I'll get things prepped and fly back here to organize everything!"

There was a honk outside of our house.

"Well guys I will see you in 4 months!" I hugged them both goodbye and grabbed my suitcase getting into the taxi.

***

2 weeks later

I was finally getting the finishing touches to my new house down. I still had a bit of work left but everything was mostly good to go. Now I currently sat in my living room going through a couple of designs for tomorrow's meeting. With the help of one of my close celebrity friends he got me a job with Leah Valderia a famous singer from London. She wanted help with her house and of course I said yes. This could be a great opportunity for my interior design career.

It was getting late and I decided to call it a night. I would show her the designs I had and maybe go shopping with her for some of the things.

The next morning I made sure to wake up early. I took a quick shower to calm my nerves. For my outfit I decided on a corduroy skirt that was a creamy chocolate color and a black turtle neck that fit perfectly. I also went with a dark grey oversized blazer that was just an inch longer than my skirt, for shoes I went with some heeled ankle boots. I did some light makeup and left my hair in its regular straight style. I added just some thin gold necklaces just to bring the whole outfit together. I looked at the time and grabbed my purse and work folders quickly heading out of my house. Before leaving the lot I sent a quick text to Leah letting her know I was on my way.

The traffic to her mansion was horrible to say the least. Luckily I made it on time, I parked my car on the curb and jogged to her door. "Great you're here, please come in!"

Looking around I could definitely see some potential for this beautiful home, "So Y/n I'm so excited you're here. I'm hoping you can bring my vision to life!" We took a seat in her office and she opened her laptop sliding it towards me. She had quite the vision. "I will sure try."

We were in her office for two hours, let's just say she is completely indecisive about what she wants to do with this place. So beautiful and so much potential only her vision was nothing like mine. "So we can definitely do what you want to do and we can also add some color maybe open up these curtains here as well just to get some light and more open space."

"Great! Let me show you the nursery so you can kind of get an idea of what we can with it. This baby will be here in 3 months need to have it done before anything else."

"What are you having?"

"A girl! I'm so excited, I hope one day you get to experience how beautiful it is to carry a life."

I smiled not really knowing what to say I just nodded, "Hey honey, I'm home, brought the- Y/n?"

"Bill?"

"You guys know each other?"

"We-"

"I-"

"We dated years ago."

"Oh?" Leah looked down. "Is she?" Bill only nodded.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna go. I can send you an email of other designers if-"

Leah shook her head, "No I love your work, that's why I called in for you. This thing you and Bill had is in the past so I would still like to work with you if that's alright."

I nodded, "Well I'll email you some of the ideas I have then we can get started immediately. I'll be back in a week?"

"Perfect."

"Well I'll see you Leah, beautiful house you have here."

Bill set his things down, "I'll walk her out." Leah only nodded.

My car was only a block away but as we walked it felt like it was miles away. "Congratulations." I broke the silence.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"I told you, you would find someone to make you happy. Look at you, you're gonna have a baby."

"Yeah, I'm really happy, but I'm still really sorry about what happened between you and I. I'm sorry we didn't work out and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I should have been there for you."

I sighed trying not to cry, "It was a bit traumatizing, having the procedure done is weird and horrible but it had to be done. I don't think I would've been happy if we went through with the pregnancy. I never want to be resentful towards a kid that wasn't at fault you know." He nodded. "I went to therapy after we broke up, got back on my feet and now I'm okay with it. I'm happy for you and happy that you're with someone that can give you the life you deserve."

He pulled me in for a hug giving me a kiss on the forehead, "I love you Bill Skarsgård."

"I love you too Y/n L/n and I wish you nothing but the best."

[masslessobtrusion]

This was the last conversation I had with Lauren before she passed away...

It’s unedited besides some names and cities. Lauren It hurts me and stresses me out and triggers me to know you're high right now and I just celebrated my 90 days completely sober from everything yesterday and I want to cry and because of that i can't talk to you for my sake and well-being because this is the first time in my life I have put myself first and I feel great except I'm stressed out now. It's nice to have a sober support group to help, but still ?? Lauren I can't talk to you because I cry and it threatens this great thing I have right now and want to hold on to Ryan I've actually been clean. I'd rather have you as a friend than be high. Lauren That's fucking awesome!! But I need time still and I'm learning patience too Ryan No one talks to me, everyone cancels their plans on me, just because I told them about it. I really need a friend. Lauren It's hard to see you and very confusing and uncomfortable I can't talk to you. Ryan what if I flew you to ****on august 26th. no access to anything and the maywether/McGregor fight is on. the pool is heated, it feels awesome I'll do anything to have you as a friend. Going to home was a nice change in my routine. rollcall is banned forever, markets went down. There's no getting anything. Lauren All I can say is if you want people in your life, open yourself to the idea of AA and get yourself a sponsor and find a way to see what the program is all about past the God stuff. Because what it's really all about is a bunch of fucked up people who have lost everybody and everything getting together and making friends and supporting each other. You will find friends and support through AA. Lauren That's all I have to say. Bye. Ryan Hey, please don't do this. I'm totally good. So many people cut me out of their life. I stopped benzos and kratom is down to one small spoon in the morning. i'm lifting weights. I'm feeling good about uber. Lauren Join AA. Ryan ok Lauren not that you join. Just go. Every day. Ryan if that's what you want me to do to be friends with you. I'll do it. Lauren You will find people. Ryan I don't really want people like that. Just my old friends who don't use. Lauren That's what it will take. AA. Just keep going. Ryan I'm glad it's helping you. It is, right? Lauren More than anything. I have legit friends now and most of all I have support for anything that's bothering me Ryan I figured this would happen. But was hoping that you could not cut me out your life. I won't do anything to hurt you or your sobriety. I promise. Keep me at a distance for a while. But please don't cut me out. Lauren I stay away from guys like they suggest because of 13th stepping Ryan I saw your new fetlife. ?? Lauren AA has changed my life. And no, I don't believe in God. Ryan But I'm glad you're not getting 13th stepped. Lauren I have to until you're completely sober and have a sober support network through either smart recovery, na, or aa Ryan Could you be my support if I need it? I don't care about drugs. I just want a friend to bullshit with. Lauren I can't because men stick with men and women with women for distraction purposes Ryan and you've been my best friend for a long time now. I don't care if you have a boyfriend or you're getting tied up and stuff. Lauren Do AA. You'll meet people and see them everyday at meetings. Its nice Ryan I like you so much. It would be devastating. I'll do it. I have a pinball tournament tonight and am possibly meeting up with arielle, her boyfriend, and ashley. But feel like they'll flake. But I'm still playing pinball. I'll go to a meeting ASAP. I promise. I mean it. Lauren It would seriously be the best thing you ever do. You'll thank me, I promise. But you have to keep going even if you think it's a crock of shit at first. People start off going in pissed off all the time until they start to realize it helps. Ryan I'll probably do NA though. The way you're talking feels like you've be indoctrinated into something that excludes people. I'm glad that you're safe and being healthy though. but i want your friendship. It's pretty much the most meaningful thing to me. and to lose that. I would have nothing. I've been hanging on, waiting for you all of this time. I want to be a positive influence for you Lauren I wouldn't say that. I would say check out both. I've found the people in AA are better but na is more relatable People in na tell more war stories so it might be a better place to start off because you'll have stuff to talk about. Thing is though more people go to meetings high than in aa Ryan I met a new girl too. Nothing serious. But it's a confidence boost. And you're still #1 to me. Lauren All I can tell you is that If you keep going every day you will meet people you can relate to and who will be there for you Ryan actually, I probably won't see her for a long time, because she's moving. okay, I love you though and want you to be my best friend. What's the word? Standard? Just, no matter what. Always be available to me. This attitude that you have is good. You're in control and you set the rules. I'm okay with that. I don't want to be abandoned again. It's the shittiest feeling. and I don't want you to say it's selfish. Lauren I'm available if you get sober because once you're sober, in order to stay sober it's a good idea to avoid people who are using or drinking. It makes sense... Ryan Because you're the only person that really knows me and one of the very few humans that will talk to me. Lauren sober Ryan would be like the Ryan I first met biking... trail running... Ryan I didn't do anything bad. I won't in the future either. Lauren POSITIVE. http://www.*****.org/meetings Meetings | ***** Area of Narcotics Anonymous The 8888Area is part of the *** Region of NA with meetings in ***, Brighton, Longmont, and Louisville, Nederland, and Westminster. ********.org Ryan guhhhh, my cardio sucks, but I've been lifting dumb bells and push ups and I gained some weight. I'm like 155-160 Lauren it sucked when you first started doing it years ago but you got past it and felt great! I remember. You were so confident! it's such a relief to hear you're on the right path Ryan shoulder pain still controls me. Lauren really. Ryan yes. Would you want to go to STL with me next month, get an airbnb? or I could fly out there? Lauren Here. Go to the Longmont one at 7pm tonight while it's still fresh from talking to me http://www.*******.org/meetings/wednsday Ryan and you can see me being healthy and sober. I have plans tonight. Pinball and possibly friends. But definitely pinball. Lauren I'm going to be at the halfway house next month. I'm staying with my uncle until a space is available it's a tournament? Ryan yeah Lauren then go tomorrow http://www.*******.org/meetings/thursday Ryan and i wanted to see if arielle and her bf wanted to get happy hour sushi before. Lauren seriously, ignore everything "god" and just meet people Ryan and ashley said she would hang out and smoke weed with me from a guy she knows that grows and she bought a bunch. but everyone flakes out. Even Robin did for camp dick, planned it 2 weeks ahead. Then he tells me his friend is having a going away party that weekend a few days before. Lauren well I hope everything works out Ryan I'll go tomorrow. Lauren let me know how it goes otherwise don't message me because it'll just make me sad ?? Ryan cool well, not the sad part but yeah, i'll do anything to keep our friendship going. Lauren you're going to meet people. that's what I think is going to be the best and when they ask if anyone's there for the first time... introduce yourself as Ryan and say it's your first na meeting ever Ryan okay thanks for the tips, anything else? Lauren people will come find you and introduce themselves. it's cool how friendly people there are. because they remember what it was like yeah... hang around awkwardly afterwards or bum a cigarette from someone and talk to them if no one comes to you lol Ryan If I do well and meet your expectations, can we hang out? people don't even talk to me at pinball. i hate it. sooooo many times, i start talking to someone and they just start talking to someone else Lauren maybe once you have some clean/sober time under your belt Ryan 15 days so far Lauren that's what's so cool! addicts love to talk to other addicts because they're blacksheep too no alcohol? Ryan i drank at my parents less than they did Lauren dude I found not drinking at all has helped with my mood SO much. just saying for me. Ryan I don't really drink alcohol though. Lauren i know you're going to meet people who are a lot like you I think you'll be surprised Ryan that's a possibility, but really. I'd rather just not have anything drug related in my life. Lauren "hey I'm Ryan. I'm an addict. It's my first time at any kind of meeting like this" Ryan I'm going to check it out though. Lauren thanks Ryan You'll be safe in St. Louis. Lauren it's going to be a while Ryan and we could watch the fights Lauren one step at a time. Ryan well, should I sell my vouchers then? Lauren yeah Ryan :( Lauren or find someone else because i can't go Ryan that was a little dramatic of an emoji Lauren oh lol Ryan but i just wanted a sad face Lauren got it Ryan so, how is fetlife? Lauren I have to go but I'll let you know I just chat with people and still haven't met up with anyone Ryan it kind of worries me. Lauren the tail pic is from my friend Richie who we webcammed with the one time (first kiss/high school friend) it was casual. Ryan doesn't seem like a sober living thing to do. But I suppose it's your rules. Lauren yeah, I'm more looking for a girl Ryan nice want to see the girl I've been hanging out with? Lauren no dude! Ryan ok Lauren hah ouch. talking to you hurts me enough Ryan oh Lauren but anyway I have to go Ryan I didn't mean to do that. I got the feeling that you didn't care. Ok, so, can I still talk to you and stuff. I'm so lonely. Lauren I just can't help but want to help you feel like you used to and find friends shit i'm so fucking up you really can't ?? Ryan I don't want rehab friends. I want hobby friends. Lauren it's part of my treatment plan and stuff that's not even AA related Ryan cool, I like hearing that you have a plan. Lauren yeah. i'm just doing what they tell me because i don't ever want to go back to drinking like i was a couple months ago or shooting dope obviously my decisions don't exactly work so i'm letting them make decisions for me... weird as that sounds. but it's working well so far ?? Ryan then don't talk about it until you're good at it. awesome I just hope you don't get taken advantage of mentally or physically. Lauren nah, i'm still ultimately in control of my life Ryan you're my #1 human. I don't want to lose you. I'll go tomorrow. Let you know about it. Lauren anyway, i can't talk to you for a while. but do the na/aa thing to make sure you stay sober (the counting days part is kind of cool too) and then we'll talk in a couple of months. but go everyday as something to do and a way to socialize and get out of that apartment Ryan a couple of months? why? I would never do that to someone. Lauren because i'm still fresh and easily stressed and because i want to make sure you're committed to this sobreity thing Ryan who is asking for help and it's me Lauren i'm letting you know it's what I feel is best for me it's a couple of months. it's not a couple years. Ryan okay, but I'll support you too. Lauren you can randomly message me with how many days you have Ryan I feel like, just empty. i knew this would happen. Lauren if I don't respond don't think I don't care... know that I'm seriously smiling Ryan my intuition, you know it's legit. Lauren you've got this . Ryan we're no different than the hundreds of stories I've read Lauren now go out and meet people! *hug* Ryan I'm willing to support and help you with whatever you want. Lauren bye Ryan You're giving me a "god bless" like southern women do when they really mean something else. it's not necessary. fuck now I have absolutely zero people who I thought care about me. I've reached out to so many people. This isn't helping anything. If it were, I would tell you. You're super hot too. I don't think you realize how much of a difference that makes. Why not make me go to a reddit meetup or something, maybe I could network instead of focusing on drugs with current and former addicts. I've always disliked other users. You know this. Just bringing up counter arguments. annnnd Ashley just flaked out, didn't see that coming. Arielle flaking out should happen in about an hour. I may go camping by myself, just not ask anyone to go, because they just flake out 9/10 times. Dude, I have no one to talk to. and I want to talk to you. I'm going to go crazy talking to myself, without you responding. Can we set up a schedule to talk? Ryan I'm telling you that this hurts me. It does. I hate being abandoned, not invited and flaked out on more than anything. I feel kind of used too. I was there for you all of this time. All of the phone calls. And then I'm abandoned when I'm doing what I consider good. Those people are going to tell you to tell me to fuck off. That's what makes me think about cults and seperation. It's black and white. And I'm not black and white. so, i'm begging you, whatever is in your head. Just treat me like you used to. Please, I'm desperate as can be. So, can we set a scheduled time, so there isn't random ghostings. annnnnd Arielle just cancelled. Lauren And this is why I fucked up in talking to you. Now I feel guilty and stresses out. Learn patience. Good. Bye. Ryan What did I do? I'm asking for help and friendship. I'm being nice as can be. Am I not? Tell me what I'm doing wrong, so I can learn from mistakes. and im blocked wtf, you really just unfriended me? Lauren? please I would never do this to you. You don't feel like it's wrong at all? i'm just going to cry and remember that everyone treats me like shit. I'm some worthless piece of shit. So I deserve to be treated like one. I would never ever treat you or anyone like this. Lauren I blocked you then realized there was a take a break option then unblocked to do that but realized,you can still message me and now I have to wait 48 hours to block you So please let me take a break! Ryan Don't block me Lauren For my Fucking sobriety This is why they tell me not to talk to you! Ryan why, even think about it. I want you to be sober. I'm being supportive. Lauren I'm stressed as fuck now You're NOT! Ryan Yeah, they do that to everyone. It's like a cult. Like I said earlier. I've read hundreds of stories. But you can make exceptions. If you have a friend in need of help. Lauren You're making me feel guilty and stresses and cry because you're not letting me go for a while Ryan I'm not asking for much. I said I would go to an NA meeting tomorrow. Lauren Just PLEASE stop messaging me For me. Ahhhhhhh! PLEASE. Ryan I just want you to respond or have a certain timeframe of when you can respond to me. Otherwise I get upset. Lauren I. don't. Know. Ryan because I have NO ONE to talk to. absolutely no one. Lauren When you're 90 days clean and sober from everything, ok? Use meetings to help Now please Let me go This is killing me Ryan It doesn't have to be so black and white. I'm on your side and you're treating me like an enemy. I've always been on your side. I want to help you. Lauren Because you're being an enemy to my sobriety and my well being and it's selfish. Ryan I didn't do anything. I sent you pictures of a dog and told you77777 that I'm sober. I was being happy and stuff Lauren Leave me alone!!!!!! Don't talk to me. Ryan ok9 Get some sober time and then talk to me. But don't talk to me now. Thank you Ryan I'm fine and the most sober I've been in a long time. it's not a competition. but i will look elsewhere for friendship, or just cut myself or something. This sucks either way. I'm not going to be your enemy. Because I'm not and never will be. I just lost my best friend of 3-4 years. The closest friend I've ever had.

[surveystodestressme]

15.

A – Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? i've been in three actually lol

02. Do you have a lot of scars? kind of..

03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? no

04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? not like physically

05. Have you ever had stitches? Where? not that i know of

B – Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? yeah, i think i am

07. Are you self conscious of how you look? not at all.

08. Do you put on a lot of makeup? i only put makeup on occasionally and when i do it's only lipstick or eyeliner

09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? nah

10. What do you think makes a person beautiful? their personality and how they treat others.

C – Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for? not very long. my parents never stuck to it

12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? i really want to say that i'd do the right thing and have the baby then just give it up for adoption... but at this point in my life, i really can't have a child so i honestly don't know

13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? sometimes i do.

14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? taking my loved ones away from me

15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end? i'm not for sure

D – Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? i'll usually say really passive aggressive things or just say that i want to be left alone

17. Name a time when you had to be strong. when i was giving up on hurting myself. i mean, i guess i shouldn't say it like that. when i decided to get help and stop hurting myself. it was hard to get help and it was a hard thing to stop.

18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home? my parents have fought before but nothing serious

19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? well, when i went to school, i just ignored them. i was so used to getting picked on that i just figured it was always gonna happen, ya know?

20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it. honestly, the most traumatizing death i've ever gone through was my cat, lilly. she was 16 years old. she was a part of my life since i was 3 years old. she was so important to me. she slept with me every single night, under the cover and cuddled up next to me. she was so lovable. i saw her deteriorate over her last year of life. it was so hard because i saw her become really lazy, she lost half of her body weight, she stopped eating, she stopped sleeping with me, she even cried whenever people tried to pet her. it was so hard to get over her death because she was everything to me. she was the best cat ever. i will never forget her

E – Experience

21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs? i've had several

22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? i mean, i think i'm pretty experienced.

23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? i've been through a lot in the past.

24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? i will be once i finish college

25. How old do you act? i think i act my age

F – Family

26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why? nah

27. If you had to choose, family or friends? family probably

28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? yeah, i think so

29. Do you have any siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them? two. i used to get jealous of my sister all the time because all the people that i had crushes on always had a thing for her and it annoyed me lol

30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members? at least once a week if not more

G – Growing

31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were? i'm 4'11" and i wish i was at least 5 foot lol

32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? lol no

33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? i think i'm pretty mature

34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? nahh i have no reason to be scared. i'm actually excited for the future

35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? absolutely

H – Hope

36. Love – real or not? real

37. Are you a pessimist of an optimist? optimist

38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? i think actions lead the way definitely

39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? i don't think so

40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? i have people who love and care about me who are always here for me

I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? i used to, but i've got it under control now

42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? nope

43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? nada

44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? absolutely not

45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? not anymore at all.

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke) darude sandstorm

47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh,Or the other way around? i make people laugh a lot

48. Do you cry when you laugh hard? sometimes i do, but it's not super common

49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day! i can't think of anything right now

50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? lol yes, honestly. in high school they used to move me to sit by other people and then i'd just talk to them too.

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends? to learn

52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? smart.

53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever? i finished high school and am currently attending college

54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher? i have no idea, i usually get between A's or B's

55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? science

L – Love

56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before? yes i am!

57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? i think so

58. Is love worth it? i believe so

59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months? it used to bother me, but honestly some people just fall really fast and that's okay. i told jack i loved him after only dating for 3 months so i definitely believe someone can honestly just fall in love quickly and that's perfectly normal.

60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? i only tell people i love them if they mean a lot to me

M – Money

61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? yeah

62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? probably just slightly below average

63. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? i'm in college now

64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with? well, i've already found the perfect person so i'd rather win the millions

65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? 8

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? nope

67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? i don't judge people that do it, it doesn't bother me any

68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that? nah, i don't judge people based on how much sex they do or don't have

69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? nahhh

70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both! nice i guess lol

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? it usually takes some time

72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? it takes some time for me because i've been screwed over before.

73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? ^^^^

74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? i don't know, when i trust them fully, i guess??

75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? i tell my parents anything if they ask, and same goes for friends.

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? If so, would you rather erase the memory of that person because of the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times? i mean, yeah i've had bad experiences with people but those experiences have made me who i am today and i wouldn't be me without experiencing those things

77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? yes and no. i'd rather to have loved and continue to be loved and love in return lol

78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? optimistic

79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? sure

80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was: i'm sure i have but i can't think of anything

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? i try to figure it out myself before asking for help

82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? i don’t question it at all.

83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? let’s be real, probably not.

84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? i will probably confront them

85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? the kennedy assassination or the moon landing

R – Respect

86. How do you show respect? manners

87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? be disrespectful, hurt someone on purpose, do something completely wrong or illegal

88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? yeah

89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? they just yell at me or send me to my room

90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? it depends on the person/situation

S – School

91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? junior yr of college

92. When will you graduate high school/college? a couple years still

93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? i took a year off from school then i went to the junior college by my house

94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? i love it

95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? nah

T – Temptation

96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? several times

97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it? yeah, that's how i got into smoking cigarettes. but i drank all on my own.

98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? nah

99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing? i wanted to. i knew him but we were just friends, i almost had a threesome with him and my best friend when i was really drunk

100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? independent

U – Unique

102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? i used to be like that but no more

103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? i wear what i want

104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex? not usually

105. What makes you different from people your age? i don't really know lol

V – Value

106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room? my computer

107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people? my loved ones are more important, i would sacrifice myself for them in a heartbeat

108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you? my baby blanket

109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab? my cat!!

110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future? they’re about the same.

W – Wishes

111. If you had three wishes, what would they be? happiness and a sense of accomplishment

112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? my loved ones.

113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? nah

114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish? not that i can think of

115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen? kind of

Y – You

121. Are you more independent or social? independent

122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? crime, rape, abuse

123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? absolutely

124. Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life? nurture over nature.

125. Do you think people are generally good? everyone can be good

Z – Zest

126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? yes i am happy with my life

127. Do you go on FacebookCraze.com to get facebook survey’s and quizzes like this one? nope i get them from tumblr

128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? depends on if it's change that's going to benefit my life or not

129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? yes i do

130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? idk.