#i cant make graphics to save my life

[alannah-corvaine]

ᴘʟᴀʏʟɪꜱᴛ ♫ ᴀʟᴀɴɴᴀʜ + ᴀʀᴅʙᴇʀᴛ

ɪꜰ ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ?

[datcravat]

Hello!!! I'm an artist and I make a living via public support and prints, stickers and pins!!! Here's my art tag!! There's a Basket sticker with all orders until August 16. Thank you very much!!! http://datcravat.myshopify.com

[cringefail-clown]

at last, where doing it man where MAKING THIS HAPPEN

cringes jakehal fic rec list

just so were clear: some of the fics are unfinished, and havent been updated in a while. leaving a comment to let the author know that youre reading and youre enjoying it is fine, but dont be a bag of dicks and harass them over when the new chapter will be up. have some decency or else ill be inside your walls.

Heart by fawn_writes || rated T || 1/1 || 663 words - man its so good. short and sweet. jake comes by to witness the construction of hals new body while also reminiscing about the times he fought brobot and his untimely demise. a good sparkling of body worship. "Everything will be normal. They’ll manage to keep it normal. After all, Jake has enough of his own heart to share." - fuck, that lines so effervescent.

What he needs by fawn_writes || rated M || 1/1 || 1259 words - another banger from the same author. they be doing the horizontal tango, but nothings too graphic. healthy serving of body worship from jakes perspective, as well as his internal struggle with his apparent robotic attraction.

Dead Weight by squirtgunplay || rated M || 5/9 || 27337 words - oh that fic. oh my god. love me some zombie apocalypse au with existential horror sprinkled on top. hal and dirk are twins but with a twist in this one. theres mystery. theres injuries that make you incapable of moving around. theres ship of theseus discussion. its nourishing. its beautiful. jake and hals banter in this one is fucking amazing, and the author captures their characters so well. the relationship between hal and dirk is also very fucking good and heartwrenching and just ugh. stellar writing, the forth wall break made me laugh out loud, hal gets called a security camera (derogatory). theres graphic depictions of violence, so beware of the tags.

Tennessee Whiskey & You by MistLaFey || rated T || 5/? || 12217 words - major character death and graphic depictions of violence tagged, so beware and read the tags. no-sburb au. dirk fucking dies (its in the fic description so i dont feel like its a spoiler). beautiful exploration of grief, unhealthy coping mechanisms and trying to get back into the normal life when theres a big part of it suddenly missing. hal and dirk are twins. jake is not doing well. hal is also not doing well, but pretending he is. its heartbreaking and some scenes made my chest hurt. very good fic and i dont understand why it doesnt get more love. it deserves it. go read it, even just for the funeral scene, i got teary-eyed over it.

seconds by squirtgunplay || rated E || 2/2 || 18698 words - graphic depictions of violence and its no joke, presidential alert the girls are fightinnn!! but its also so funny and the authors so funny and its also really hot! no sburb au, hals a human and dirks twin. he gets kidnapped by a craigslist hitman jake who mistakes him for dirk. the banter is top game in this one. hal cant keep his mouth shut even in life or death situation. jakes a dork, but hes a deadly dork, and also cant keep his mouth shut about his personal problems. theres fistfighting and knifethrowing and hal gets a weapon put to his head at least twice and he thinks its pretty damn hot. theres banging in second chapter. what more can i say to sell you on this one. the characters are on point, the action is tense but its also written in a cheeky, fun way, smut is good, a npc gets unsubscribed from life. amazing fic, 10/10, will read it again.

I Think Therefore I AR by Taxi_Boy || rated T || 25/? || 30417 words - im saving the best for last. major character death. hal has to start the game and get his friends into the medium while dirk is missing, while also pretending to be dirk as to not raise their suspicions. im not going to say anymore about the plot, you just have to go and read the fic. genuinely my favourite jakehal - and homestuck in general - fic of all time. i love caliborn in this one. i cant wait to see what the author has cooked up for us in the future. its plainly genious.

these are only ao3 fics as i have no clue how tf you search other fanfic sites for a specific ship, but if you have any other recommendations feel free to add them onto this post! we all need some good jakehal fic recs in these trying times!

[kidfoundonstreets]

LOVEBRUSH CHRONICLE. YOU LIKE?

ill try to keep it brief 1/20397

lovebrush chronciles is an otome game deisgbed by team/company I AM ACTUALLY NOT SURE DESPITE YOU SEEING IT EVRRYTIME YOU ENTER THE GAME HOLD ON neteaze games (passion of gamers) and it is about altnerate universes, time fuckery, and school life.

the game begins introducing itself as a regular otome school life sim (my condolences to the fans who fell for william first sight only to find out hes not an actual love interest trust me i see u i feel u) but then WHAM BAM!! just when u thougut ur girl best friend was lookin kinda cute she gets X_x in this summon circle and you jump in to save her only to find out youre now in a royal cage surrounded by people that needa sacrifice you to save themselves from their own doom. oh and youre not in your own world anumore good luck have fun

so now here goes the different plots and paths with the love interests. the way i playrd it was as they introduced it, which was ayn aklaid lars claerence. no cael route yet which rips me apart every night. the love interests seem to have consistent values throughout most universes despite all of their diferet upbringings which i find pretty cool considering schoollife and royaltylife are two completely drastic diferent things, and also i nejoy how mc is written with more character and an amazing design to match the rest of the beautifully drawn cast

on that topic the art is GORGEOUS. i have never seen such beautiful detailed art in a game before and i assure you it will not disappoijnt. the graphics and smoothness of the game are especially a great touch. THERES A MINI STORY FOR EACH CARD BTW SR AND UP ITS SO GOOD becasenit feels as if the creatoes actually put care and give a shit into whar theyre writing and drawing and even in little events the absolute quality and depth of the cast shines theough its just i cannot express how much you need to play tjis game if you like dating sims ITS FREE TOO??,×*#&@ IMSO SAD WHY ID OBEYEME GETTING SM ATTENTION WHEN THIS IS SITTJNGHERE HUH dont get me wrong i too was in that hole but trust me brother there is only one man worth it there and obeyeme sure as hell isnt gonna do it justice with its 200+ chapter peobably plotline

anywya its 11 pm and ibhave no idea how to organize this post so ill just go through the cast

he is my plaything

ANYWAY ayn is so maahh hes the stupid cat that sleeps on me at night HE USED YO BE MY FAV AND WAS EXACTLY MY TYPE OFF THE BAT ITS SO IRONIC HES MY LEASY LIKED NOW but hes still very good and god you need to see this

^^ bisexual dilemma

^^ HIS EMO PHASE

i like him as a side piece, he has a nice personality but it doesnt stick out to me as much as the rest but i heavily respect the enjoyers of him

Aigh now

HHHRHRGGGHWH HHRGGBW WHWHWBW W SLSOPE9282B3BDND BSHSJW W GHENRBR .R FJJGGW HJ W..B GHN.F. H . THROWSUP aklaid my dear my darling ! i lvouou my little STARBOY my favorite my self sacrificing devoted prince who acts soo nice but is the cause of his own decay. smooochh I ADORE HIM dude one time he almost dies and mc is like "i am so sorry" and hes smiling qhile saying "nono! this is the happiest ivebeen" GET THERAPY

lars is my favorite lesbian

im onsessed w him hes always fun no matter where he is and yet they still dont dumb him down the moments where hes serious only add to his character his charm is unexplainable his rizz unatainable you could never

my TRUE favorite lesbian

MY FABORITE MY FABORITE KY DAVROITE I WAS SO WORRIED HOW I WOULD ENKOY HIM BECAUSE SO KUCH WAS UNKNOWN BUT AHGGWDHHSHW HIS ROUTE HIS DEPTH EVERYTHING IT MAKES ME SO SADITS HWARTBREAKING DUDE "HAIR HOLDS MEMORIES" IM GONNA SOB INTO MY HANDS I CANT BELIEVE I LOVE A MAN NAMED CLARENARENCNEUXIHQBQ SHUTOROSHUSITP oh and he really likes cats :D

i have run out of images but cael caught my eye since the beginning and i dont know whats wrong with him is he my parental figure my wife my side piece my worst enemy my hater my lover my killer my doomer my caretaker my one-time-leave-you-for-nine-months

i genuinely cannot stand him hes the one who i always run to and check on firstin efents and stories not claerence not lars not alkaid but fucking CAEL.

i cant help it maybe in the end my heart really belongs to him because im still waiting for his route and for him to show moreemotion and maybe break down or slowly go through the agony of learning to accept love despite everything despite you

this is the only part i feel a little uneased about in the writers hands.. they are very capable hands.. but will they do him right.. hes so stupidly simple but not it makes me grit my teeth and die

◇°♡○♤○£▪︎¥°₩`£•♡○◇○♡♤◇•◇•♡☆

THANK YOU EVERYPONY FOR REASING IF YOU DID PLEASE SMASH THAT OIKE AND SUBACRIBE BUTTON FOR MORE UNHINGED RANTS IM SORRY FOR BEING AUSTISTIC AND MAY DO IT AGAIN ♡♡ GOD BLESS

[thedisablednaturalist]

My parents found out about the present I bought myself for my birthday. I worked my max hours to afford it. I had it shipped to my bfs house so they wouldn't see it. Apparently I missed a receipt that was hidden in the box. Idk how they got it anyway cause I put the box out with the trash/recycling. My mom was being so cruel about it and how I keep buying myself "lavish" gifts (most stuff I buy for fun is like $10-$50 max). I always plan my purchases and have never missed a credit card payment. Most of my money goes towards doctors visits, medication, car maintenance and gas, accessibility items/ergonomic stuff, cat food and litter, and hygiene. Recently I stopped most of my subscriptions save for a cheap minecraft server. The bulk of my pay goes into savings which have really grown since I got my raise. I also give my parents $400 in rent each month. I'm trying to save up for a recliner to replace my bed but I don't want to use the money I've already put away.

Like ok, maybe I'm not mr.frugal. maybe i sometimes buy more expensive things because they're more convenient (like already cut vegetables/fruit or preprepared meals) but like my hands fucking hurt and sometimes I don't have the spoons to feed myself. Maybe I fall prey to impulse purchases once in a while. Im learning and I'm trying to learn how to budget bc now I have to also pay for insurance until I can get on medicaid.

My mom acts like I don't care. She sees amazon packages come for me and think theyre all toys or expensive skincare or junk when its actually body wipes for when I cant shower/so i dont come back from the field to the office all stinky. Its a trash can I can keep on my bedshelf so I dont throw trash onto the floor instead. Its knee braces because my knees fucking suck. Once in a while Ill see something on sale that ive been wanting for a while and will grab it. And the most expensive skincare I use is $20 for a jar that lasts me 3 months. I have to keep my skin clear or ill pick and have scabs and blood all over my face again. I spend money on drag because it MAKES me money. Last time I got paid $100 from the venue and $50 in tips. One time I got paid $300 from the venue (i dont remember how much in tips).

Im trying my best. Im working with 3 government agencies rn to get a job and get health coverage. Im working my ass off at my job when i probably shouldnt be working (my mom laughed when I mentioned this). I'm constantly doing things to earn me money or to make life a bit less painful. Even streaming is a desperate attempt to make a career/side gig out of something I enjoy and doesn't make me flare up. I only watch shows when im with my bf or when im doing chores or working. I rarely play video games. When I flare I lay in bed and scroll Tumblr or play a mindless dress up game where I only have to move my thumb. I cry almost everyday. I cry on the way to work. I cry holding my cat in so much pain i cant move.

The only big frivilous purchases I've made is the present and a new graphics card (I haven't replaced my old one in a decade). The present cost $230 and the graphics card cost $800. Both of these I saved for. I might buy a nice skirt once in a while but thats pretty much it. I also spread out big purchases over time when I can.

Am I spoiled? Maybe. Maybe my parents are right and I'm a lazy spoiled kid who just makes excuses. But my pain is real, constant, and severe.

I have friends who's birthday presents consist of trips to fucking italy or the bahamas. Who complain when their parents drag them on yet another international vacation. Some are amazing people who are grateful and work their asses off. And some of them are a bit entitled. My mom said most 26 year olds are living on their own with jobs and I fucking laughed. The only 26 year olds with their own apartments especially in my area either have 5 roommates in a 2 bedroom shithole, got lucky and have a high paying tech job, their parents pulled strings to get them hired, or their parents are paying partly or fully for their apartment.

And when i tried to find an apartment? She discouraged me and told me id never be able to afford one (correct) but now im suddenly able to when it suits her argument? Ive been heavily job hunting for over a year and got ONE interview who ghosted me after two interviews. I make $2k MAX. Rent in my area is $1700-2500 for a freaking studio. The $1700 one doesn't let you see the apartment and gets snapped up immediately. And these are all apartments within a 2 hour radius. All the "affordable housing" is for people 55 and older.

Like I literally have no options. I can't move until I get a job in that area. I can't leave the country cause Im disabled and also thats fucking expensive. My bf makes less than me and even combined we couldn't afford a place.

Literally, I've never been suicidal before. Ive never struggled with that due to my fear of death. But all of this? Ive recently had suicidal thoughts and its fucking scary. Thoughts that killing myself would make it easier for everyone else. That it would be easier to just end it, that life will always be a living hell and i should just give up. And thats fucking scary! I shouldn't have those thoughts! But that's how bad it is.

I try to do what my therapist told me. I try to set boundaries. But setting a boundary means not eating dinner bc I leave when my parents yell at me. I try to think positively and ignore the pain. I probably walk an average of 1-2 miles a day. I try and try and try and it hurts so much. They can't be proud of me? For even big victories? Guilting me about graduation cause I took too long. Keeping a job for more than a year (its not a REAL job cause its hourly and doesnt have benefits).

Like what's the point? I've been fighting and fighting and most of the world wants to see me dead and gone anyway. I'm trying to work in a field that doesn't even consider people like me. If I cant work Ill just bring my boyfriend and my family down. Every step forward I manage to take I get dragged back 10.

Im so tired and ashamed and stressed and my fucking body hurts worse now because of the stress and i just dont want to wake up tomorrow.

[lamp-guitar]

random update

so after years of listening to the same album on their bandcamp over and over as a comfort space, i finally bought it. so here i am listening to it & getting nostalgic about my time on the net so far.

tldr, cant sleep so here's a life update

like many of us, i have art accounts and social media accounts strewn across the internet and after logging into em all, i feel compelled to post here to try n get the sleepy times a rollin'

'on the previous episode of lamp-guitar's life'

starting from the top, the end goal has always been to make a career out of my art/hobbies. and after 7 years of working at the same office as a graphic designer and saving up money, i have afforded myself a reprieve from suburban corpo drudgery and credit card debt.

world events or not im making what i want to make

and what i want to make at this point in my life is a few graphic novels, some video games and at some point in my later years, a bakery.

i dont think i lead a diogenes lifestyle, but maybe coming from a poor-ish childhood, i know that as long as i can keep creating, i can live any life and die without regrets. dramatic i know

rn i am focusing on video games as i feel i can do that with my current capabilities. so yeah this is me, updating my lil ol blog. ive developed a steady irl journaling habit & am hoping to add posting on here to that habit- so until next time!

[c12ly]

Just finished watching and reading heartstopper and solitaire (yeah, just now cause my autistic ass wont let me watch new things cause theyre new and if theyre trendy its even worse cause then its like everyone is telling me to watch this or read it and, no, no one tells me what to do) and omfg if this doesn't turn into a special interest (I'd love that) then it'll be an hyperfixiation than later will turn into a comfort show/comic/book, for sure.

I want to talk and SCREAM about it but im lonely af and thats why i have tumblr!

First of all, Tori and Charlie are SO RELATABLE. But like, SO. FUCKING. RELATABLE.

The way they both think about themselves, so negatively, Charlie's anxiety and over thinking, his ocd, the little occasions his thoughts about food shows, how he feels like a burden and guilty for noticing Toris mental health declining and doing nothing (just as she feels guilty for noticing something was off about him but thinking that maybe she was just making thing up).

And then, how pessimistic Tori is, how fucking depressed she is and how CLEARLY AUTISTIC SHE IS. And not only autistic, but lonely. The rest of my autistic headcanons and/or comfort autistic characters, are either not lonely or they really dont care about it or i just dont relate to them and i just know they are autistic. But she is so fucking lonely and she fucking knows it (even with Michael, cause she keeps pushing him away). And it hurts so fucking much. All her quotes about how she doesn't feel part of their friend group or part of anything and how the others "grew" while she got stuck.

Im surprised of how painful and raw these books and comics felt to me without the need of showing triggering scenes, dialogs or even mentioning all their struggles that much. Tori only mentions almost at the end of the book that she wants to die, before that she doesn't even mentions that she feels herself getting bad, its noticeable, but theres no emphasis on it.

Until the end of the 3rd comic eds are mentioned and in the 4th comic, there's just one scene of Charlie when he was impatient, his body is never shown to show how sick he is, there are no cuts, blood or even his scars (this is just in the comics but still). Nothing. And for someone whos been for 6 years in the mental health instagram community, which can be really graphic, triggering and toxic and who, unfortunately, was already online when those pro ana and mia accs where around a lot and so easy to find, while reading i was so surprised of how raw this story was without triggering its audience, but maybe thats cause it was practically like reading my life.

And I love that the story mentions clearly that romantic love cant cure mental illness and as a partner, saving them is not your responsibility, and that one person is not enough support. I absolutely love that. I love everything about this story and I want to talk about it until I get tired.

[qqquib]

i use tumblr for a lot of shit, like a lot. something i recently opened the app for was fic recs. which, okay. i’ve read a LOT of dsmp fan fiction. if it’s tommyinnit-centric there’s a 70% chance i’ve read it. if it’s bad-parent phil watson there’s 95% chance i’ve read it.

now, one thing most of these fic recs have in common is them leaving out vital information about the fics AND they’re not mentioning my favorites so i’m upset.

all that said, welcome to my DSMP tommyinnit focused fic recommendations!

————————————

please read the tags before reading them! they contain triggering themes!!!!!

Until You Leave. 8/? 31.2k Words

Technobrother and Tommy are piglin brothers in foster care. They get placed with Phil and he accidentally fucks them up big time. Ugly cried even though it was unfinished lol. 

Evermore. complete. 56k Words

Royal AU and tommyinnit has hanahaki disease. Unshockingly contains bad parent Phil Watson and horrible siblings Wilbur and Techno. Major Character Death tag. 

Hand in Unloveable Hand. complete. 21k Words

literally, I don't even know where to begin. tommyinnit gets unadopted by Phil and placed with Dream (who is a murderer.) Goes through Dreams killings and Tommy's involvement in detail. Cliffhanger ending i’m praying author makes a part 2. 

mon dieu. complete. 115k Words. 

Same thing, where can I even begin. Dream goes crazy with the revive book on Tommy, and claims himself as a god. Tortures Tommy and its described in graphic detail. If you don't like blood, guts, paralyzation, stock-home syndrome, or suicide don't read. 

Dead Kids Aren’t Useful. complete. 4.5k Words. 

tommyinnit has the power to heal peoples wounds-- at the cost of his own life. Vigilante SBI don't know that detail, and abuse his power to save their own lives.

A God and An Alien Walk Into a Casino (series) incomplete. 12k words

Just Golden Duo interactions honestly. Takes place in the c!dsmp before the finale. 

this isn’t love (and if it is i don’t want it) complete. 4.3k Words

C!Tommy is unloved, but flowers never grow in his lungs. Tommyinnit is loved by a family who hates him. I SOBBED SO BAD BRO OMFG. My direct notes on this in my excel sheet are “best/worst take on hanahaki disease”

The End is Your Beginning. complete. 65k Words

Tommy accidentally falls into The End and a dragon adopts him <3. The ending made me angry cry. 

Good Riddance Gray Albion. complete. 2k Words

Tommy is unknown at his birthday party, you will know more about his brothers than you ever will about Tommy. It's his birthday. 

All-The-Way Better. complete. 5k Words

Tommy isn't happy enough-- isn't good enough. He gets replaced by the people who swore to love him. 

Home is Where the Heart Isn’t (series) incomplete. 25k Words

Originally my friend was gatekeeping this from me, i argued with her until she shared it. Essentially, tommyinnit’s family comes back from whatever the fuck and they realize he isn't the same. Angst ensues and Tommy is just mad depressed bro. Sob every time, 

Distant Dreams in the Dark. complete. 14k Words

Wilbur is addicted to drugs, told through Tommy’s POV. Set over the span of several years. Bittersweet ending. suicide warning though folks. 

Dreaming that I’m Wide Awake. complete. 59k Words

Golden Duo + Drista. Human experimentation and like, a lot of angst. No offense to the author! But this was their first work as far as I’m aware. It is written like it, but it's worth it imo.  

miserably failing at faerie kidnapping after getting too attached to the kid you're trying to kidnap. complete. 19.9k Words

Dream is Fae and adopts Tommy! Fluff and healing ensues. Bad SBI though. It's honestly one of the happier fics I've read recently.

a house with closed doors. complete. 4.1k Words

Tommy is lonely on thanksgiving :( but happy ending!

There’s always more. complete. 11k Words

Tommy is suicidal, technoblade decides a roadtrip is in order. 

Cant You Stay Right Here Forever Pretty Please? complete. 2.1k Words

tommy + ranboo are falling, phil can only save one of them. 

Vibrations. complete. 121k Words

tommyinnit leaves the SMP to finally heal, and gets platonically married and has a kid but that's a whole other thing. 

[diviinaee]

okokk enough angst I'll give you guys fluff (maybe a lil sad)hcs i have of the listeners bc its almost new years and then 10 days later its my birthday JDJDDJDKDK

warning bc when i say listeners i mean ALL OF THEM. as in starting from angel ALL THE WAY TO MORGANS LISTENER. i am determined to give everyone a piece bc everyone deserves to be seen. although these are just characters, behind each one is a story to be told and i hope i gave each one their own individual little facts

i tried my best to give them each a lil message from me and 4 personal hcs so that all's fair <33

Angel

Y O U S N O T. hehe lemme run before david kills me for taking his nickname

okokk my angel oc is Filipino so if that shines through in some of these thats why 🤭

as much as it may seem like they cant cook, they're actually really good. The main issue is time. Due to work, Angel relies on premade food to be ready to go. which is why when David offers to cook, Angel can't help but feel so grateful

This is canon i think but they have REALLY BAD insomnia. usually David's presence is a huge help but on the hard days, they do need meds

their family is H U G E. David was worried that the pack was gonna be alot for Angel but they were like, "lol you should see my family"

Baaabe

they remind me of my sister lol

is a squishmellow hoarder. oh theres a new one coming out? yea baaabe is the 1st person at the checkout line

their keys jingle. ITS LIKE A LITTLE DOG BELL. everyone hears the jingle and they're like "oh baaabes here"

asher and baaabe are volunteers are the local animal shelters. they spent 25% of their holiday savings for toys, food, and medicine for all the animals in need

i imagine baaabe works in graphic design so they are very much an organized person. THEYRE LIKE THOSE PEOPLE ON TIKTOK WHO HAVE LIKE CONTAINERS FOR EVERYTHING

Sweetheart

ah my baby

dances in ballet. their tiktok is mostly them BANGING their pointes on the floor and milo and aggro starin in the background like 0_o. ballet helps with flexibility which is a MUST if they wanna KICK SOME ASS- i need to calm down dear god.

knows how to play chess and other strategy games. card games especially help simulate strategy for the field of investigating so they really enjoy these types of games

attempts to meet with Marie and Colm once a week. They preach for a healthy relationship with Milo's family

their new house: milo and sweetheart were given a pc by david and angel bc Y E S. now they can play scary games with a BIGGER MONITOR

Darlin'

S I G H this bitch (im kidding i love them)

has nicknames for E V E R Y O N E. oh david? boss baby. asher? pokemon. lovely? pikachu. vincent? whore. ANYWAY-

hates to admit it but they are SO good with kids. they will literally be a jungle gym for the kids and just t-pose

they take value in the small things. their jacket, sam's keys, little things like that. they would never loose anything you give them

back to the kids, theyre weak for sick kids, and overall kids who just have it rough in life. They always try to make it to pack meeting bc although david's lectures are never fun, a kid may need someone to talk to, and darlin would die before they let a kid fall the same way they did

Bright Eyes

this fiesty one (love you twin)

they love being alone. although fred and sam are working on being a lil nicer, bright loves taking in the silence. theres just something so calming about the wind that blows on the trees and the birds chirping at the air

is working with Darlin' on their atitude. they know they have some fault with their turning. they really hate admitting that. But they want to be better and it is a process.

loves girl scout cookies. Its like their lil flag of truce. You know Bright loves you when they share their cookies

they really like hanging out with vincent and lovely. although fred,sam, and darlin are cool, vinnie and lovely just have this sibling energy about them that makes them very approachable. bright always tries to warm vinnie before they go to his house but 8 times out of 10, bright is getting their hair done by lovely while they listen to vincent gush about his cars

Lovely

awe lovely (these are some of @nichiuu 's hcs bc we share the same mind)

is a very calming presence to be around. they just love with so much of their heart and everyone agrees that they are a soul that should be protected

is friends with freelancer. they have nights here its just the two of them and they just gossip about their bfs. gavin and vincent are very happy that they have each other bc it brings a smile to their faces everytime

has a lil pomeranian name khoine (@nichiuu has more on her) and KHOINE DID NOT LIKE VINNIE AT FIRST. she would go out of her way to make sure that vincent knew that she was the queen of the house. he may be the vamp clan's prince, but that did not matter when she is there.

has a sweet tooth. ice cream truck? lovelys fighting the kids for the last tweedy bird ice cream? the restaurant has a dessert menu? lovely is ordering EVERYTHING on it

Freelancer

HEHEHE MY KIN

undiagnosed mental illnesses ill say that. they struggle with alot but they will always admit that their friends are the reason they keep pushing through.

they are anemic. they have weighted blankets and meds for it but they also will allow gavin to just.... lay on them +bonus is caelum lays on top of gavin (more weight THE BETTER)

is a S U C K E R for pixar movies. they joke about how jack-jack from the incredibles is actually their baby

they love giving gifts. almost every weekend is when the damn friendgroup gets together for dinner and 9 times outta 10 freelancer has gotten the boys a new gift

+1 bc theyre my child: they have a cat named Jewels (juju for short) she's spoiled to the max bc gavin just conjures up everything for her. her toy ripped? here's a new one. she wants another little sweater? it LITERALLY has her name on it.

Starlight

YOU POOR INNOCENT SOUL (i didnt mean for that to quote ursula oops)

very dark academia. avior loves it. he loves everything about them . their sense of style, the way they carry themselves through a day, everything (sap)

they love dancing. not professionally but thy just love moving with their mind. its their little form of self expression. Avior is able to tell how their feeling without his ability to read emotions because Starlight is very expressive in their dances

has stims that they try to mask. whenever theyre excited they wave their hands in the air. when theyre proud, they do little claps and whistles. avior makes note of every last one of them to make sure if he should celebrate or help them with something

they love writing. next to the surface they use as a bed in the hellscape, hidden behind a delicate cloth, are little poems that describe a little human and their demon companion an their journey through hell

Sunshine

cottagecore w h o r e

they love thrifting with elliot. every weekend results in new clothes in their wardrobes that they 100% try to match everyday

they have a tiny shake in their hand due to nerve damage from the crash. they find it to be annoying but being with Elliot helps. When he holds their hand and brings it up to his lips, they're at peace.

loves painting. LIKE MURALS. they volenteer to the city to cover some unwanted graffiti that may have negative messages and replaces them with positive affirmations

they love the simple things. grocery shopping, walking to the park, hanging out with friends. It's all a reminder of life and their 2nd chance they were given. Sometimes life is unexpected, so you must love every second.

Bestie (Blake)

oh my bestie (lol get it- bestie- yea ok shutting up)

has an terminal illness (which is why Blake wants to meet a Deathwalker. he believes with a deathwalker's help, he can "cure" their ilness) although Blake is rowing his boat in DaNile, Bestie accepts this fate. Their happy with what they could do in this lifetime

hates mouse traps. their method is harmless traps that don't injure the mice. After allowing the mouse to calm down, they release them in safe areas far away so they have a smaller chance of getting stuck in a trap again

advocates for stuff they believe in. Every day that they live is NOT taken for granted and they are determined to fix some things before they leave this world and let the River's current win

volunteers at hospitals because they know what it's like to be stuck having to listen to machines say how sick you are. however they really try to avoid pediatrics. although they are determined to help, they can't help but admit it is extremely saddening to see parents not able to give their child a normal childhood.

Warden

MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD I AM SO SORRY

Warden is a bookworm to THE MAX. they have bookshelf and have them labeled by human time period. they are very curious of humanity's development from their first years to now

Is roughly young. vega speaks of them in a way of an adult talking to a child. they find this very frustrating. They do their best to seem mature when in reality they are barely starting their journey

warden is one of the many demons who prefer aria over elegy. elegy has too many labels, too much noise. aria gives them a sense of belonging. a sense of peace.

caffine addict. this bitch will chug 6 cups of coffee and will be shaking and their coworkers are just like -_-

Baby (Ivan)

oh you poor child. im not rlly gonna talk about them under ivans grasp. ill talk about them after the whole incident

really loves making sundaes. they don't really have a favorite so they will literally take anything thats ice cream

they don't know why (bc memory modification) but they are really in love with being comfortable. Whether it's plushies or an extra blanket, they have to be comfortable or else they will be up at ungodly hours wondering what's wrong

they also have noise cancelling headphones due to paranoia. the headphones are all decorated and full of stickers of stuff they love

avid water drinker. THIS BITCH IS EVERYONES WATER ALARM CLOCK. oh it's been 2hrs since you've drank water? no shit, theyve LITERALLY BEEN OUTSIDE TELLING YOU TO RINK WATER FOR THE PAST HR ARE YOU DEAF

Baby (Ollie)

you sweet person. YOU MAKE ME TOO SOFT

ollie suffers with a lot of health problems but baby is always determined to help him. they take notes at the doctor's office on what remedies help, what coping strategies they can do for him, and his list of medications

the have a sensitive nose. GOD FORBID they walk past a bath and body works bc then theyre on the floor with ollie trying to regain their senses back

they really try to pay attention to star trek bc ollie loves it but they always fall asleep as ollie pets their hair and whispers in their ear.

they are very protective of their coworkers. they're like the staff's caretaker. Migraine? they got pain pills. Annoying supervisor won't let you take a break? fuck them go take a 20 min break.

Smartass

this little snarky BITC- im kidding i love them.

aaron makes the pancakes, smartass makes waffles. they're just cute like that. aaron tries to roast them about their cooking but e all know he's lying. even he knows it lol

loves true crime podcasts. they joke with aaron about how he better not piss them off. but to aaron it's no joke. he's seen them taking notes. aaron: WHO THE HELL NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT DRUGS DONT SHOW UP IN DRUG TESTS-

i picture them as someone with lots of silblings. unfortunately they are the middle child so they're used to being overlooked. aaron's love was always so confusing bc they felt as if they didn't deserve it

throwback to aaron's confrontation audio: they never really learned about their own personal worth. they only saw worth in what they did aka their school, their job, etc. when aaron says he doesn't care about that and he wants to hear about the little things, they were so scared. he doesn't care? but thats what everyone cares about. right?

Asset

oh you poor robot.

anton is working with asset to give them more opportunities in life

they're like a lil kid, learning about the world and its functions. they have moments where they'll ask questions and anton is just stuck answering them. some are..... (asset: where do babies come from anton: -_-)

james wont admit it but he has a soft spot for them. they were wronged and he feels that dad protectiveness for them

favorite pastime is reading, especially happy books. its proof that marcus was just a bad apple of a bunch. there is more than just that stoic lab. there is color, adventure, mystery, and happiness

Cutie

......my kinnie #givecutieabreakandletthemgototherapyinsteadofgettingmadatthem2023

self sabotages alot. somedays they really start believing that they don't deserve Geordi and his love but he's always there to reassure them that they deserve love.

is VERY impulsive. they aren't in bed? yea they're in the bathroom dying their hair. yea its the 3rd time this week.

pintrest BITCH. they have boards for E V E R Y T H I N G. THEIR EDDING, THEIR HOUSE, THEIR HOME, THEIR WORK. IF IT DOESN'T HAVE A PINTREST BOARD THEN IT DOESN'T EXIST

collects plastic bags. istg they're like my mom. THAT LITTLE SPACE UNDER THE SINK? YEA GO OPEN IT. WHAT'D YOU FIND? PLASTIC BAGS.

Honey

you lil snarky asshat.

is actually very emotional. oh the titanics on? ya ik honey is already crying with a bowl of popcorn on the couch

theyre an overthinker. every once in a while guy will come home to honey hiding in their closet. once he asks what wrong he gets a quiet little "am i too...mean?" it breaks guy's heart everytime

collects seashells bc i see them as someone who loves the ocean. its their little thing that they only have ever told guy tbh. he treasures every seashell they give him bc he knows it's their ay of showing that they love him

streamer!honey is my SHIT. if they were asked "whos important after guy?" they would immediatly respond with "my followers". they fight through life struggles bc they find it important that among all their followers, they can at least put a smile on someone's face

Precious (Regulus)

you poor soul.

they're a very romantic person. if you love them, they will make love letters, gifts, all that. you know that you are loved with them

regulus kinda took advantage of their love for physical touch. they love the feeling of someone's skin. it proves that they're real. that they're here.

loves fruit loops. THEY ARE THE BEST CEREAL NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE TYVM

their favorite holiday is Valentine's Day. Even if that year they recieve nothing, the smell of love is in the air as everyone around them loves with all their hearts.

Morgan's Listener

YOU SNEAKY LIL- I WANT MORE. i need them AND MORGAN back.

they are a very closed off person. After living a life hidden away in order to avoid the spotlight, they really want to find a sense of normalcy in the chaos.

they have an Australian Shepard named Leo. he's very energetic and is a puppy still. He enjoys Morgan's presence and that's what makes his owner more accepting of Morgan

they have their own brand of hair products. I see them as Native American and to me and my people, hair is very important. They preach healthy hair and volunteer at the local homeless shelter and love giving haircuts and hair products out for free

they have Morgan as "the oracle" bc of their seer abilities. its a little inside joke between them and Morgan. they really love making jokes of big things to heal their inner child

if there is one thing you can learn from me in this post, it's that I love giving complexity to characters. Often times in real life, you can be minimized to one aspect of yourself. Sometimes it's a bad aspect. But it's important to know that as human beings, we are complex. Remember to give all life a chance. You all deserve love! And I hope I was able to distribute that today <3

[vxnillite]

(i cant come up with titles to save my life; anyway this is just another drabble)

I was feeling angsty some time last week, and ended up thinking about what would happen to Noah immediately after Kevin died. I drew something, then wrote this in connection to it.

Also this little phase may or may not be some sort of venting method for me? It was weirdly comforting to draw and write for this concept. Anyway-

Noah angst ft. Z-Dog (but not in a romantic way), Carter cameo (OC by my friend, Supa!), and Spence being best girl (OC by another friend, Coda!)

No graphic themes or descriptions btw

Spence pushed the last of the boxes out of the door. They felt a lot heavier than they should be. She looked back at her best friend's room, which was now heartbreakingly empty.

The posters and pictures on the walls were gone.

The bedsheets were perfectly made.

Shoes and clothes no longer created tripping hazards on the floor.

The room looked just like any other standard sleeping quarter now, and it hurt Spence to think about it.

"C'mon, Spence," Z-dog said behind her. The taller soldier reached for the door switch and pressed it. Kevin's door hissed to a close. Z-Dog's hand lingered on the switch for a second, then trembled as it let go. "We have to go."

"Where are you taking Kevin's things?"

The women turned around to find Carter flipping box lids open, peeking into Kevin's things. "Didn't he say he didn't have family back on Earth?"

Z-Dog swatted his hand away, then answered, "We're giving it all to Noah."

Carter looked rather offended. "Wait—why are you taking it to them? If it wasn't for them, Kevin would be alive right now!"

Now it was Spence's turn to be offended. On Noah's behalf, she was hurt. A lot. She'd experienced Noah's stubbornness firsthand, heard all of Kevin's stories that revolved around his sibling's recklessness and proclivity to abandon self-preservation, but Spence saw for herself that they loved each other, that Noah loved Kevin more than anything. She never once thought to keep Kevin's stuff from them.

"None of us know what really happened out there, Carter," she said, "And Noah was Kevin's only family le—"

"We are his family, too, aren't we," Carter badgered, "They didn't even go to Kevin's funeral, for christ's sake! Didn't even come back with his body—his bloody dog tag, at least—and you're giving them all his stuff? They don't fucking dese—"

Z-Dog was too fast for Spence or Carter. In the blink of an eye, she slapped him across the face with the back of her hand. He stumbled back from the strength of the slap and the shock of receiving it.

Spence moved to stop her, but the fury in Z-Dog's step was so palpable, it rooted Spence in her spot. There was nothing scarier than a mad woman, and this one had muscles tough as steel. In the back of her mind, Spence thought it better—safer—than to get in her way.

"Keep your trap shut for once, Carter," Z-Dog snarled, pinning every word, "It ain't your call to make."

He was holding onto his reddened cheek. Apparently, Z-Dog had dragged her knuckles across the skin because Carter was bleeding a bit. Still, he held his ground. "It can be our call and you know that. Kevin made his will not fucking knowing his own bloody brat of a sibling would be the one to end him."

"You fucking bi—"

"Alright, enough!"

Before Z-Dog could jump in with the punch, the smaller soldier found it in herself to stop her just in time. Spence caught her by the forearm with a firm grip. She tugged to make Z-Dog look at her, and shook her head. It wasn't worth fighting over. Everyone was tired, conflicted, and emotional.

In fact, none of the mercs could talk about Kevin like a dead man just yet. None had the heart or desire to start sharing stories full of fun and nostalgia about the man who had been so much more than just a fellow soldier to many of them. Spence herself would sometimes wonder if Kevin would just suddenly walk into the open hangar as if nothing happened. He could be missing an arm as he limped in, but he'd have that signature cocky smile on his face and act like he'd just been bit by a mosquito.

Ah, that thought again.The corner of Spence's eyes stung. The feeling was all too familiar by now, but still not welcome—would never be welcome.

"You know I'm right, Spence," Carter insisted. He wiped the dripping blood off his cheek with his thumb.

Meanwhile, Z-Dog's fist was shaking with rage, but Spence kept her back. She looked at Carter defiantly. "I dunno what you're talkin' about," she asserted, "We're givin' Kevin's stuff to Noah, as he said in his will. You telling me you're willin' to disrespect a dead man's final wish, Corporal?"

He obviously didn't expect her to answer like that. But Spence made it clear that there was backbone in her words. She wasn't just saying it to chastise him. Realizing this, Carter backed off, and he lumbered down the opposite end of the hallway, towards the mess hall.

Well, that's odd, Spence thought. Knowing him, he could've put up more of a fight. Then again, Carter was just as tired and hurt as everyone else. 

Z-Dog kept glaring at his back until it disappeared behind a wall. Only then did she relax, and Spence let go of her arm. The taller soldier sighed as she flicked the tape back on the boxes that Carter had opened.

"Sorry," she sighed, "I don't know why his words got on my nerves like that. I felt like I was actually gonna punch his lights out."

"As if that mad dog would go down from a single punch," Spence quipped.

"Then why did you stop me?"

"You don't want another disciplinary note on your tab, do you?"

Z-Dog chuckled lightly. "Guess I owe you one, then." She got behind the cart that held most of the boxes. "Alright, let's go."

Spence lifted the smallest box. It held Kevin's trinkets he brought from Earth and collected during missions and field trips. She knew, by heart, what each one meant to Kevin.

She walked along the corridor side-by-side with Z-Dog. Both of them ignored the stares that followed them, pinned themselves on the soldiers' backs. Thankfully, they made it to the SciOps residence without a hitch. As they approached Noah's door, a familiar face emerged from it.

Dr. Grace Augustine looked dejected as she walked out of Noah's room, an untouched tray of food in her hand. She looked up as the soldiers got close. "What are you two doing here," Grace asked, then she looked down at the cart of boxes, "What's all this?"

"It's Kevin's stuff, doc," Spence answered, "Would Noah mind if we just dropped these in?"

Grace looked back at the closed door behind her. She sighed. "I don't know, to be honest. They haven't been talking." The scientist spared the soldiers an apologetic half-smile. "But you can't leave those boxes out in the hall. And do you mind?" She held up the tray of food. "They really need me back at the labs, but Noah hasn't eaten since last night. I've been trying but…" Another sigh. "They're really unresponsive today."

"How long have they been like this," Spence asked.

"Well, how long has it been since we came back from that trip?"

Spence was stunned. So it had been a full week? In the back of her mind, she wished she'd come by sooner. But Spence had been busy dealing with grief herself, having to get 'comfortable' with the scene of finding Noah in the forest undergrowth, their avatar injured into temporary paralysis and that wide-eyed, paranoid look in their eyes, replaying in her head over and over and over. Worst of all, Spence recalled Noah being alone. No Kevin anywhere. But, Noah had told her in such a chilling voice that they had to leave, and so they did.

With Noah being the only witness, Spence and everyone else had been left wondering.

The sound of Z-Dog's voice pulled Spence back to reality. "We'll give it a shot, doc," she said, nodding at the scientist.

Grace gave a quick thanks as she handed the tray to Z-Dog, then the soldiers watched her rush back to the labs. In the silence, they exchanged looks full of anxiousness and uncertainty, then flung those same gazes at the closed door before them.

Spence decided to take the first step. She approached the door and knocked thrice. "Hey, Noah? It's me, Spence," she called out, "Z-Dog's with me. We're here to drop off Kevin's stuff. Can we come in?"

They waited. No answer.

Z-Dog shrugged. We've got no choice, the look on her face said. Unfortunately, Spence agreed. She knocked again. "Noah, we're coming in, okay?"

The door hissed open as Spence hit the switch. As she stepped in, something heavy in the air instantly weighed on her entire person, like a wet blanket had just been thrown at her without warning. The room wasn't a mess, surprisingly, but the atmosphere was depressing. The lights were all off, curtains were closed, clothes piled haphazardly on the bed. But where was—

Sniffles. They came from the far corner of the room. Spence and Z-Dog whipped their heads at the sound, and found a mop of black and purple hair just sitting in the corner. Noah's hair was not in its usual twin braid style. Instead, it engulfed their small frame like a waterfall, obscuring their entire body except for the legs and the arms that hugged them. That waterfall trembled in time with muffled sobbing. 

Spence's heart fell to her stomach. She put the box in her hands on the desk and ran to Noah. The soldier sank to her knees next to them.

"Oh, Noah…"

Spence gingerly parted the hair that covered Noah's face. They were sobbing into their knees, face still hidden from view. Pain stabbed at Spence's chest as another sniffle escaped from Noah. At that point, her instincts took over and she pulled Noah in, squeezing them as tight as she practicably could. Her own eyes welled up with the tears she'd been holding in since that morning. Noah's body was shaking like a leaf in howling winds as they bawled like a child—loud and uncontrollable—and Spence was reminded of how young Noah actually was.

22, and they had only been reunited with Kevin for a year after being separated for four years. Spence recalled all the stories Kevin had told her about Noah. He gushed on so proudly for ages and told her he couldn't wait until Noah arrived on Pandora, too. She recalled waiting on the runway with Kevin, seeing Noah descend the Valkyrie ramp, knowing immediately it was them because of how Kevin would describe them in great detail, and watching how they jumped right into their brother's wide, waiting arms, laughing like a child on Christmas morning. The scene was straight out of a movie, heartwarming and tear jerking, even for Spence.

Only the movie was, unbeknownst to everyone, actually a swift tragedy.

Spence nestled her chin over their head and let herself feel every crying tremor that shook Noah's body. She caressed Noah's hair and tried to soothe them as best as she could. Though, no words formed in her mouth that she felt like would actually help in the situation. So she held them. Dearly.

Meanwhile, Z-Dog had taken the boxes off the cart and lined them up neatly by one of the walls. Then she opened the one that had most of Kevin's clothes in it. There wasn't much to pack given that they didn't bother putting in the RDA-commissioned clothes, just the ones that Kevin actually brought for himself. Z-Dog grabbed a familiar piece from the top of the folded pile. She walked over to the huddled pair, crouched down on Noah's other side, and draped the jacket over them. It looked like a blanket compared to their frame.

"Kevin's favorite," Z-Dog said softly, a tone Spence didn't know she was capable of. She put a firm hand on Noah's back. "I know he'd want you to have it."

The two soldiers stayed as they are. Spence hugged Noah tight and Z-Dog rubbed circles on their back. But while they just accepted that Noah would keep crying—maybe tire themselves out eventually—-they didn't quite expect to feel movement other than the shivers. From the corner of her eye, Spence saw Noah's hands slowly creep up towards the zipper of Kevin's jacket. They held onto it weakly and pulled it closer.

"Noah?"

More sniffles came. Then Spence felt her chin sliding off Noah's head as they slowly looked up. Through their matted, spindly hair, Spence found herself looking into eyes that looked exactly like Kevin's, only these ones were bloodshot, lifeless without that usual spark behind them. 

Then an unfamiliar voice came about, as dry and cracked as drought-ridden soil, as weak as a whisper in a storm.

"I'm sorry."

[owlets-outlet]

apparently a kdrama with a female autistic lead came out?? so my autistic ass is gonna watch it and let you know how good it is.

ok so first of all. i feel like this is the first kdrama with an autistic lead ever??? and she´s female too??? LOVE. IT. i am also not expecting perfect rep tho, because its... a kdrama. cmon.

episode 1:

things i disliked:

-first and foremost: the whole “oh no, shes autistic :(( horrible news for me as a dad...” thing is just not the vibe. props to him being a loving father tho

-the whole autistic genius thing is overdone by now

-her geniality somehow “made it better to bear” that shes autistic?? mm

-she´s played by a neurotypical actress. i personally dont care that much, especially considering that SK is a small country and its hard to look for autistic actors, but still

-she´s very much the autistic stereotype that we all know. again, nothing i hate too much, because the fact that theres an autistic female lead in a kdrama is a huge step

-occassionally in the outro graphics and in some of the soundtrack, there are elements of infantilization. guys pls dont play silly music while the mc is forced to relive childhood trauma and her personal space is being violently invaded by an angry, screaming man, thank you.

-this one im conflicted about: ocd like symptoms. yes, autistic people do sometimes who them, but sometimes autistic people have ocd as a separate disorder. also its a stereotypical symptom. but its okay i guess.

things i liked:

-the story is told through her perspective. we also get her narration sometimes, revealing that she is a three dimensional person, just cant express some parts outwardly.

-ramblessssss! theyre p good actually

-she is her own person, capable of making her own decisions and doesnt need saving. she is capable of expressing and communicating her needs. (unless shes having a meltdown, or overstimulated. many people on the spectrum cant, and thats okay, but im glad she has agency, ok,it doesnt happen often in media) only needs support when things get unbearable. very nice.

-law isn´t her special interest, whales are! many shows make the persons special interest their whole personality, glad they branched out lol

-accurate representation of overstimulation and anxiety in public spaces

-connected to the last point, her coping mechanisms and stims are accurate to real life and relatable: noise cancel headphones with white noise, pacing when stressed to ground herself, finger stimming...

-stims actually dont look a caricature!! even though they´re basic and stereotypical, they are real and not overexaggerated

-represents sensory issues well, they arent basic, but personalized to her, which is great! for example: her dad removes all tags from her clothes bcs they bother her, she has a specific safe food (bibimbap)

-lack of empathy is handled well too. she uses logic to determine how others may feel, but it is shown that its something she had to learn! very good

-also!! she. has emotions, just doesnt express them the way other people would!!

-a big one: THE VISUAL REPRESENTATION OF HER INSIDE WORLD ISNT TRIGGERING TO ME. it still may be to some people, but, unlike the music movie (ew), it isnt bright, flashing and fast paced: its flowing, with neutral, soft colors and calm noises

-her and her best friend are the perfect adhd and autism solidarity

-her aversion to touch seems to be handled well so far: she learns to tolerate it, not like it (thank god), for the sake of comforting other people (not to please them, but only when needed)

-its a kdrama. shes getting a love interest. an autistic person being treated as an adult?? with a love interest?? DAMN (the bar is on the floor, huh)

i will update this as i make my way further through the episodes, but im cautiously optimistic so far!

[mijashdi]

hello^^ im vivvy, im white & 20 & i use she/rot :3

my old/main blog is @mijashdi-moved

--------⬇️carrd⬇️-------- (‼read my dni please & ty)

tag guide⬇️

#tag organization = all tag collection(?) posts

--general:

#f = funnies; #sfl = save for later; #art, #fashion, #jewelry, #makeup, etc = self explanatory

(#lmao = my old funnies tag)

#beauty = beauty of earth and humans and life and space<3

#🐾 = all non-human creatures. (animals birds bugs fish etc) (ive tried to make different tags for different categories of creature but it just got too confusing; any other type of #[animal emoji] is one of those.)

#nsfw & #nsfw ? = literally "Not Safe For Work". encompasses artistic nudity/near nudity(including visual art and photography), erotic/sensual art/photography, sexual jokes, sexual discussion, etcetc. (i dont rb pornography, but i might decide to one day idk)

#gore = artistic visual depictions of gore, artistic visual depictions that imply gore Or explicit or graphic writing/words that conjures mental images of gore.

#blood = artistic visual depictions that include blood Or imply blood.

#pin & #fav = basically the same. dont ask the difference bc idk either.

#knowledge = fun/interesting facts, historical facts, important history, etc

#potent = kinda a catch-all for things that make me feel strong emotions but i dont have any other sort of specific tag for.

#receipts = informative posts/resources/etc that i might need to save if someone asks, etc

#things = knick knacks. objects. Things

#guitar = cool guitars. i do not play guitar nor do i have any interest in learning

#aes = scratches my brain

#scary = things that are scary/unsettling/creepy/gothic(?)/just halloweeny

#🏰 = architecture, architectural design/art, buildings in general, etc.

#photo = photography. (ive only recently started using this tag and i often forget to put it on things so. but youll find most photography in #beauty!)

#refs = mostly art references/resources. but sometimes i forget<3

#nefoedd = art of angels/angelic beings/angel-coded beings/etc. "nefoedd" is welsh for heaven, bliss, etc.

#me = hashtag relatable

#taylor swift = taylor swift criticisms. i dont like her

#🍒 & #[any tag that includes 🍒] = this is embarrassing but. its things that i think (or used to think) my ocs/favorite characters would do/own/post/etc. (mostly inactive atp)

#the feeling = man. idk. i cant explain it.

--fandoms/media/etc:

#xtr = things that apply to media i like but dont have a specific tag for.

#i dont go here = content of media ive never consumed, but i wanna rb for whatever reason

#babymetal; #mitski = self explanatory

#dc= dc comics(further dc tags in #tag organization)

#dunmesh = dungeon meshi (americanized title is delicious in dungeon)

#mob = mob psycho 100

#danny = danny phantom

#ladybug = miraculous ladybug

#atla = avatar the last airbender

#jerma = Jerma985 on Twitch.Tv

#miku = my best friend hatsune miku

#meg = megan thee stallion

#bey = beyonce

#marina = marina [and the diamonds] diamandis

#mlp = my little pony friendship is magic

#mcr = my chemical romance

#gaga = lady gaga

#nope = nope (2022) dir. jordan peele

#gf = gravity falls(inactive)

#steven = steven universe(inactive)

[booktrovertvibes]

Life recently has been feeling really slow but also faster than l'd like it to be. I'm finding myself obsessing over things I can't control and making myself sick getting anxious over it one day, feeling hollowing / numb the next then feeling pretty good and ending up cycling over again. keep bounding between whether or not I really want to get into tech (Ul/UX or programming) or graphic design and feel like I'm running out of time. Which feels so crazy to me. Music has always been a cope for me but it's become my saving grace as of late and wish could glue headphones onto my head Every day it seems like something new makes me sick, I had a pizza the other day and four hours later my face was tingling so probably cant eat wheat or gluten anymore either lol My chronic pain is as prevalent as ever but my knees and heels have become a major source of discomfort and limiting my mobility so I'm going to have to start seeing a physical therapist which is honestly a little scary.

[ithisatanytime]

ive already said it but its worth repeating im really REALLY enjoying daggerfall unity and im not saying that to flex old school gamer cred, dont be intimidated by it if you enjoyed skyrim and dont mind dated graphics you absolutely will enjoy daggerfall. there are a couple things to know though before you start a new playthrough.

by a cart as soon as you are able they sell them in general stores, you can store 750 pounds of loot on your cart and gold has weight in daggerfall.

dont join the temple of kynareth for your religion there is one more you souldnt join, i joined kynareth and its one of two temples that dont offer potion making services.

get the recall spell as soon as you are able, cast it at the dungeon entrance so you can easily tele back and store loot in the cart when you get over encumbered.

this is the most important tip but i really dont know what to say about it exactly but have a contingency plan for being poisoned/diseased/paralyzed but especially for poison, because im in the temple of kynareth i dont have access to potions of cure poison, and because im a melee focused character i dont really have the mana to cast cure poison, and i half followed a character creation guide where i selected critical weakness to poison as a class penalty, but i didnt take the other precautions to mitigate this. i basically royally screwed myself but that brings me to the next tip and second most important

dont be afraid to "cheat" sometimes especially if you dont turn on "shorter dungeons" and i strongly recommend you dont. ive allowed myself limited use of counsel commands for certain things "opendoor" for when lockpicking failed and so did my open spell and i dont feel like beating on a door for hours with my fists or random weapon seems fine to me, im only saving myself time. if you get poisoned and have no way to cast cure poison do to mana limitations and no poition making is available you pretty much have to toggle godmod on in order to cast the spells without mana. and many dungeons in this game are INSANELY long, even side quest dungeons so if you get stuck and you simply arent having fun running down the same labarynth anymore dont be shy about casting "tele2qmarker" and spawning right on your quest object, often times this quest marker will be a mob you have to kill anyway.

i basically had to get over the idea that console commands are cheating, i mean they are but ive never used a console command in a bethesda game before besides noclip when im glitched and stuck inside terrain, literally never in my life have i set my level to 100 or whatever, so this feels strange at first but you have to trust me on this one, its completely possible to beat daggerfall on your first playthrough without using console commands but its pretty unlikely, you will get stuck unless you use guides or console commands as a new player and IMO its way better for enjoyment to just toggle god mode for a moment to cure a poisoned status or to finish off a side dungeon that you cant find a secret entrance in, than it is to start a new character because you unknowingly fucked yourself. basically as long as you are fine using console commands sparingly its a shockingly easy game to jump into and play, i cant emphasize enough how the gameplay loop for daggerfall feels somehow tighter than skyrim, that dopamine inducing cycle of dungeon delving, collecting loot, and selling it was perfected in the early nineties and i had no idea, once you get the hang of it (this is easier to do in daggerfall than morrowind by far IMO) its more satisfying to play than skyrim even and for all its faults skyrim has one of the most satisfying gameplay loops ever created.

[jess-oh]

day 2

okay! day 2 back to journaling! it is thursday and i am so excited that i finally get to sleep in and just chill out tomorrow! this week was pretty busy and sometimes a little rough but im almost at the end!! yes!!!

i had dinner with elizabeth at honeymoon cafe today and bc i could tell she was so tired, i wanted to cut our convo short so she could go ahead and sleep at home. but we did briefly talk about our spiritual lives at the end and i mentioned how i started journaling again and reread some old posts. it really is so interesting to see where my mind was just a couple years ago. thats such a long time but also doesnt seem that long ago?

I'm 25 years old, almost 26, and at a point where I'm feeling a bit frustrated and at a crossroads. I think I want something to change but I don't yet know in what capacity or exactly how. God, I do really want to pray for guidance from you. I'm still feeling pretty stressed out about my parents' current income status and I also just don't want to have to worry so much about money for myself. I'd like to be able to help Grace out more often or at least to pad her budget enough so she doesn't have to take on 2 jobs. I want her to feel financial freedom and independence and be able to live her own life apart from her mother. i know she feels a sense of responsibility and obligation but i just know she could be doing something so much more fulfilling with her life, instead of feeling as stagnant as she does now. I want her to be abel to have a life like how i've been able to have one of my own.

I want to be able to take staycations or travel multiple times during the year without worrying so much about whether or not I can actually afford to do so. Paying to repair my car was a huge chunk out of my bank account and I really just want to tighten my budget back up again to get my savings up enough to hit my 6 month rainy day fund, extra money for travel, enough money to tithe 10% again, be able to elevate my apartment whenever i want and not having to plan it out so far in advanced, to be able to eat out multiple times a week without going so far over budget(even if i do prefer to cook at home), pay off another one of my loans and generally just get that out of the way in less than 10 years, support my sister's education, be able to get gifts for both family and friends with ease, and finally, to support my parents financially in a meaningful way. it wouldnt even be worth it to send them a measly $10 a month but if i could really make an impact in helping pay off their mortgage or something... or treat them for all their meals whenever i or they visit... that would be really nice. i just want to be a "good" role all around. a "good" daughter, a "good" friend, a "good" sister, etc.

I really aspire to be at Chloe Shih's status of financial stability. I want to be a sugar sis and a sugar friend and a good daughter. I just cant do that yet and if I stay at Freeosk, even though it is really stable and reliable, i wont be able to do that for a really long time. But if i switch jobs, even if it still is in graphic design, i could do that a lot sooner. My goal is to make 6 figures by 30 which is certainly ambitious but especially if I go into UX Design and get a job on the west coast, it feels possible. I just have to negotiate well and excel at my job.

God, I do really think I'm interested in UX Design but also recognize I still have more research to do before fully committing. Actually adding practical case studies to my portfolio would certainly help. Please show me a sign or guide me toward UX Design or a new path entirely. I just know that I feel okay about my current job but know I could excel so much more at something else. I'm just not sure exactly what yet but I would really like to know.

I want to grow as a person and in my identity in Christ. I really do want to get back to you and incorporating you into my life again. It's just going to take a little bit of time before I'm able to get back into the swing of things.

Thank you for all that you have done for me and bringing me to this place and this time in my life now. I really didn't think I would make it this far many times but you've remained so faithful to me in my life and I just want to be faithful to you once more, God. I don't want to feel ashamed of my faith or insecure or self-conscious. I just want to be comforted and feel safe when I'm with you.

Thank you God.

I pray this all in your name,

Amen.

[abra-ka-dammit]

every day that goes by unemployed is another cupful into the pool of fury at my previous employer for doing this to me. for uprooting my life that was only barely into the ground as it was, for paying me so shittily that i literally couldnt have savings so i have nothing to fall back on. for making me job hunt again in an Emergency sort of way when i only got THAT job after like a year+ of applications to shit. "real" jobs dont want ~People Who Can Draw~. It's fucking hard to get a role in shit you have no examples of doing before. I can't DO a lot of the shit companies want--either due to lack of training/knowledge/experience or because they want a "graphic designer" that covers every possible imagery medium known to man including photography and video editing

ive barely even gotten interviews and the ones that i did have all got nowhere. as March's rent approaches i am having more and more of a background panic attack. When that rolls through, and my credit card payment, insurance, electricity, etc.... if it doesnt just overdraw me im likely gonna end up with a 2 or if im lucky barely 3 digit balance left (and all that presuming i buy literally nothing else the whole time & im psure i dont have enough food to last lol)

the shittiest thing is i dont have the money needed to break my lease either bc it lasts till the end of may and the fine is like what, half the rent of the remaining months or smth? like lmfao. if i cant afford the rent anymore how would i afford that??? also moving fees....or what am i gonna do, make my almost 70 year old father move everything? I couldn't even lift a car battery myself. do i just offload all my belongings to a goodwill? do i live in my SUV with 3 cats? do i need to become a sex worker?? how the fuck do i get through this???