#i cant write out my full feelings for fear of various things and because i dont even fully understand them

[sarcastically-defensive17]

15 Minutes - P. Parker

So I’ve been stuck in a writing funk for so long, and I got inspired and I’ve been writing this for days until I got it just right and it made me sad and I hope y’all like it and I’ll defs get onto my requests more efficiently now!

TW: Death of loved one, torture, degrading language, abuse, sad Peter, grief, all round angst.

Original story by sarcastically-defensive-17

It was routine. Every day, three times a day. 6AM, 12PM and 5PM. He barely had the chance to recover. Psychologically. Emotionally. Physically.

The machine was cold. The dull grey of the sides reminded him of how alone he was. Deserted. Left for dead, he supposed. No word of contact from any outside source, no hope for a rescue mission. He lost count at 3 months in captivity.

Every single day he had to see her. Had to relive it all. He never once thought that he would physically be transmitted through time and space. The worst part, he knew the woman holding him hostage. One of the most intelligent people on the planet. An expert in Thermodynamics and - so he now discovered - a ruthless person fueled by grief.

A bell chimed followed by an alarm and blinding green light. The glass door swung across the machine, trapping him inside as he stood upright with no way out.

“5, 4, 3, 2...” the countdown rang out, and the green light intensified. His stomach spun, eyes clenched shut at the feeling he will never get used to.

He was back in his apartment. Clothes he hadn’t seen in a long time on his person, his hair a few inches shorter and his reflection almost a stranger to him as is stared back at him in the mirror of their bedroom.

The ringing of his phone was foreign, yet expected. Same schedule.

He lifted the device, holding it to his ear in the same way he had at least 100 times before. Including the day it first happened.

“Y/N,” he breathed. The only thing he enjoyed about the event was the chance to hear her voice again. The breath sigh through the receiver as she strolled through the bustling streets of New York, on his way to her.

“Hey, I cant wait to see you!” Her voice held excitement, the same he had heard over and over. It became his own self indulgent nightmare. He longed for her, he had never held her in this, but he could hear her and feel her near. He could see her laid out on the pavement...

“Me too,” he answered, feigning the joy he felt that day at the idea of her return. She had been in England for the past month and a half, working to quell a growing drug import/export ring. How little she knew that the same work she focused on would be her demise.

After all, she was an ex-cop turned badass avenger. She was known for fearing nobody.

“Im about 15 minutes away from home. I can’t wait to see you!” Peter couldn’t stop the tears from falling from his eyes as he rushed to get his shoes on.

In exactly 26 seconds, his signal would ring.

“Aren’t you a pretty little thing,” a voice snarled in the background of the call, followed by a clattering sound and a muffled shriek.

Peter pushed out a breath, putting his phone on loudspeaker and jumping out of his window.

He had no webs, no mask, no care. He had been over this scenario many times and wasting time with the spidey gear left less time to save her. When he tried it, he was met with her body slumped on the ground, blood flowing from her neck as she choked on the crimson liquid. He didn’t even have time to do the same to her attackers before he was pulled back to the present.

The actions must be damaging to the space time continuum, but the doctor had a lethal artifact in her possession, and she was prepared to do anything in her power to change events.

His ankles painlessly cracked as his feet hit the pavement below the window and he was off. He needed a new detour. He had tried many over the months, but a new one was running through his mind.

He cut down a side alley that would lead him around buildings and directly across from the alley she was pulled into. It was broad daylight in Queens yet nobody cared to see a young woman dragged away by three men.

Peter was just thankful that Y/N didn’t have to suffer in the original telling of the story.

He cut corners by vaulting from the walls of the alley way. He jumped over fences, dodged trash cans and even ignored an elderly lady who had dropped her groceries - a mistake he made by helping her in his first run through of attempting the detours.

He reached his destination in the form of a alley way decorated by versions items of graffiti. The bright colors stood out from the grey brick in the shape of various symbols. He and Y/N had often gone to that alley to observe the work of local street artists. She adored it.

As soon as the rubber toes of his shoes hit the mouth of the painted backstreet, a gunshot rang out and Y/N’s body slumped down on the other side of the busy road.

His heart broke once again at the sight.

He barely had time to step onto the road to get to her before the green light erupted in his vision again. His head reconnected with the thin cushioned pillow in the machine as a roar tore from his throat.

“Failure, once again.” The feminine voice snapped. “Always failing!”

Peters throat was sore. He had spent far too long screaming. His head was pounding, evidence of underfeeding and the sheer transference of his body through time.

He never expected to time travel. He knew how damaging it could be to change history, but here he was. Held against his will to save a woman that he loved so desperately. Forced to watch her death over, and over, and over. To hear her voice and feel the construction of his heart with the knowledge that he most likely wouldn’t be able to save her.

The physical pain of being returned to the day it happened and the image of her dead in various way seared into his mind. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw her.

The machine slid open, and a boney hand grabbed his face. He was far too weak to fight back, even with his powers.

The eyes of the doctor glared into him, bloodshot and poisoned by grief and ferocity, “Why are you such a failure? We have been doing this for 5 months! There has been no improvement. No chance of saving her, all because you are pathetic!”

“I’m trying,” he mumbled.

The hand left his face, leaving a biting cold in its wake. They always kept him in cold rooms. Part of the torture to encourage him to do better. After all, Peter believed just as the doctor did. He deserved the pain after what happened to Y/N. He should have protected her.

A loud bang echoed through the white room. The fury in the eyes of the Doctor made him almost shrink. He already felt miniature under her gaze, but somehow, he felt worse whenever he came back empty handed.

A hiss left her lips as she cradled the bony hand, Peter assumed she had hit something. “This happened because of you, Parker. You were the one she trusted the most. You were the one who she put her life on the line for countless times on your pathetic missions. You are the reason she is dead.”

“No,” he choked. It was a wet noise, his throat constricting as the mind games took hold again. His hands wove into his hair, tugging harshly. The action had quickly became a coping mechanism of his. He would do anything to distract himself from her words. “No, no, no, no. It wasn’t me. It was them. The gang. Not me.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” She hissed, the eyes staring down at him incredibly similar to the same glassy ones he saw every time he went back. “You were never good enough for her. You were always four steps behind her. Y/N deserved better than you.” The doctor stood up again, the expression on her face void of any emotion as she kept her steely gaze locked on his brown eyes. Her lips turned up at the corners slightly as she watched the tears fall down his face. Her back was straight, regaining the posture she often adopted when addressing those working for her, “Send him back again. Maybe if he does it right, I won’t need to be stuck looking at him in 15 minutes.”

“Ma’am, he needs time to rest. His body can’t handle such a short recovery time between jumps,” a random man in a lab coat told her. He - like Peter - cowered under her gaze.

“Send him back.” She growled with every word, pushing the door shut across the machine and walking back towards the other room.

The green light erupted again and he soon found himself in the same scene from before, although this time he emptied the contents of his stomach on the floor of their house.

His phone rang like clockwork, and he answered, placing it on loudspeaker and reciting the script he wrote for himself on the original date.

He slipped his web shooters onto his wrists before he left, following the same route as his last trip. Everything was the same, down to the exact way he dropped from his windows and bounded through the alley, although this time, he sent a web across the street, pulling himself forward into the alley way.

He collided into one of the men that had Y/N cornered, sending him crashing into the brick wall of the alley.

“Peter?” Y/N shrieked, doing her best to fight the other men off in the same way he had seen her do so in the past. Or, other pasts.

Two of the other men launched at him, both with blunt weapon and scuffed faces. As one swung high, the other swung low. His mind was centered on Y/N and his reflexes were working in overdrive, burning him out faster than anticipated.

It all came to a halt when the two men were on the ground and the sound of a blade slicing through flesh filled his ears. Y/N gurgled on her blood, eyes full of anguish as she stared at Peter with fear on her face.

He only had time to catch her body as she fell before the light overtook him once again.

The overly sterile room greeted him, sobs wracking his body. The door slid open once again and heels clicked against the tiled floor.

The malicious eyes watched him again.

“Please, no more,” he begged, knowing he would be on his knees if not for his fear of moving out of turn. “I can’t do this anymore. It’s torture.”

The hand returned to his face, a soft touch that lifted his wet face to look at the furious glare fixed on his being.

The doctor tutted, patronizing him. “Oh, honey. You think this is torture? You should see what I’m prepared to do to you if I need to spend another month doing this.” Her smile was pure evil, but her eyes held the depth of a woman mourning. The circles under her eyes and the deepening wrinkles fold of her grief, and despite the recurring pain, he felt for the woman. He wanted to apologize to her, had she not disregarded every apology that fell from his chapped lips.

“Please...” he whispered under his breath, feeling the hand leave his face and close the door once again.

“Send him back,” she announced to the other room before turning her attention back to him. “Save my daughter, Peter. Or you’ll wish it was you that died that day.”

The green light flooded his senses once again.

Tag List: @starshonerose @mantlereid @theanswertoeverythingisl0v3 @another-lonely-heart

[abloomntime]

A Bloom In Time Ch7 Discovery P1

The darkness of the cold building seemed to be finally getting to the fused together ghosts and the reality of being able to feel human things again began to settle in as the two suddenly realized how cold they were and began soon after shivering and rubbing their sides up and down with their still pretty jello feeling arms. It was a bit easier to move now but still not easy. I mean it's been over a thousand years after all, how were they supposed to get human movements down bout twenty to forty minutes after becoming alive again. Speaking of everyone being alive at the moment- With Thor and his pal's help, the two were able to dragged the very unconscious Vanessa into the bathroom and with the old but heavy duty lock Hattie had from a previously locked door, they were able to lock her in good, but JUST to be on the safe side(insistence from Moonjumper over and over. The guy was PETRIFIED of her which was well understandable) the giant pale red armchair from down the hall was moved and placed against the locked door as well to help keep it closed. It took Thor, Mr Timothy, and a mafia man to move the heavy wooden thing so there was little chance Vanessa in her current form would be able to get out easily. Not soon long after that the once-frozen-Subconite followed his bosses orders and with the giant group of men behind him, while still holding the none struggling Rough Patch, began leading the group away from them towards the second floor stairs. Snatcher re-yelling the rules behind them.

"Remember to follow his EVERY instruction! Stay OUT of the swamp because if you all die on the way there I CANT save you, and when you get to my home stay OUT of my things until I get there!! And you be careful with Rough Patch! Not a single leaf on his head hurt!! The long way isn't easy! And I DO NOT EVER want to see any of you in my forest again or else I'll let you freeze again!!" "OH!! Give our throat a rest already will you now?"

The still grumpy child sat on the floor away from the two who was still weakly rubbing their sides and examining each piece of glass carefully before putting it back down or attaching it back onto the shard. She decided to start with the biggest piece and carefully put the thing magically back together somehow, but paused and looked up at the retreating group...then up at them with a confused look. "There's a long way around to get here?"

"Well of course!", Snatcher's voice said annoyed, "You think everyone could've made that jump over the cold, slippery bridge like you did without falling to their doom? Some of those bumbling fools must've found the way around. How else did ya think my minions could get over here to remind you of the agreement you signed about not using hats? Float across?"

....She shrugged. "I dunno. You float all the time and they're dead like you."

"Ouch, Kid! That hurts!" "Uh! Beg pardon," Moonjumper politely asked before pointing to the still broken time piece, "But how long pretell do you think that'll take to fix, Dear?"

"It usually takes three hours if I hurry."

"THREE HOURS?! OH! YOU GOTTA BE PECKING ME?!" "SNATCHER SHUSH!!" Moonjumper turned their head to the baracated bathroom door where silence still rang through. "The VERY last thing we need you doing is waking her up! Won't that be fun you loud mouthed owl! And PLEASE stop using the P word in front of the child!" Snatcher grumbled but didn't say anything else as they continued to rub at their sides.

But Hattie noticed and pointed it out as she stuck a finger in their direction. "Why are you rubbing your sides like that?" She blinked. "Are you guys cold? I thought ghosts couldn't get cold?"

"Well, Sweetie. You're not wrong, but if you haven't noticed, your bumbling jack-o-lanturn friend and I aren't ghosts at the moment. So we can very much feel the cold right now. And quite frankly, I do not like it at all." They shivered. "T-T-Too many memories."

Hattie wordlessly didn't argue with that at all. She didn't like being cold and remembering Vanessa chase her throughout the house, but suddenly an idea came to her. One that made her put the slightly bigger down now and stand up, both ghosts looking at her confused as she tugged on their arm and pointed at a door close to them. "There's a bed in there! You can cover up in the blankets while you wait."

"A-A-And be where Vanessa SLEEPS?! Good heavens NO!!" "I think for once I agree with Moonshine over here. That is the VERY last thing I want to do right now. I think I'd rather take my chances with the cold again."

Hattie gave them a flat 'I'm too young for this stuff' look. "Oh come on! You really wanna freeze to death?....Again."

"Is laying on the cold floor an option?"

"No!" She marched on over to them and grabbed onto their arm, tugged them forward and them falling over onto their hands and knees with a yelp from Snatcher. "I'm doing all the hard work now! The least you can do is stay warm and do ONE thing for me! PLEASE!!"

....Snatcher sighed. "Kid. Even if I did, I doubt either of us can walk over there in this state."

"Then crawl!"

"Crawl? Like a drunken idiot? HA! I'd look ridiculous!"

"PLEASE!!" She made those puppy dog eyes at them and Snatcher knew immediately that Moonjumper already melted at the cute sight and gave in thanks to their currently shared brain, but he grumbled under his breath as he plainly stared at her sad eyes. "Pretty please, Dad." AH! Pulling his weakness.

"OH!....ALRIGHT!! But not a SINGLE word about this to anyone! You hear me? Or it's triple grounding time for you!...That goes for you too moonboy! Not a word about this to anyone ever!"

There was no complaints about that from Moonjumper so very clumsily and slowly, the two slowly started pace to the door on jello arms and knees. Wobbling so badly with every movement Snatcher was sure they would fall flat on their faces. ....And they did. Hattie had to use her foot and move away the glass shards carefully as they attempted to wobble-crawl around the pile and towards the bedroom do- THUMP!! Their left arm wobbly gave out which left the two smacking their face to the ground making the poor girl jump and have to grab her hat before it fell off. Before bounding over to them as Snatcher cursed more 'peck' under his breath and very weakly and wobbly pushed them back up into crawling position. HE. PECKING. HATED. THIS!! So, so much already. Gritting his teeth and muttering versions of 'peck' over and over under his breath, the two somehow managed to fall, wobbly crawl, and get a headache all the way to the door with Hattie beside them in case they fell over again. She opened the door for them into the bedroom and they froze...Well, Moonjumper froze upon seeing their old shared bedroom where they and Vanessa once inhabited. Memories flashed through their shared mind of her again and Snatcher growled and shook their head.

"Moonboy. I am NOT in the mood for a trip down memory lane right now especially with HER! And I am certainly NOT gonna stay right here on the cold floor just to hit my head again!"

Moonjumper didn't say anything and Snatcher took full control of their shared body and forced them to wobbly crawl forward as Hattie followed behind once they made their way past the door giving her plenty of room to hop in watching as Snatcher crawled them over to the red bed a few feet from the door. Red musty wall paper lined the walls with the red color themed bed, and a lot of furniture to match. A wardrobe stood by the bed and past that was a vanity, writing desk, chest, small dresser with a candle holder on it, and a long table with a worn tablecloth on it. The floor was always creaky, and it creaked all the way when they crawled into the room and over to the bed. The only light offered in the room was the few candles by the bed and on the wall that lit up with magical fire, enough light to see at least, but also enough to see the various claw marks scratched into the old walls staining the wallpaper with it's creepy aura. Moonjumper was still not responding or communicating through their shared head but SNatcher could still feel the petrified fear coming off of him and he was starting to find it annoying. Forcing them back onto their knees, Snatcher reached over and grabbed onto the foot of the bed.....before forcibly trying to get onto their feet. If it weren't for the fact that the two ghosts were forced like this and had no experience being human for over a thousand years, it might've made her laugh trying to see an adult stand up like a bird with new legs, but right now she was more concerned about the two falling over. With their noodle legs Snatcher violently wobbled and gripped the sheets tightly messing them up, and forcing most of their body onto the bed minus their legs. Hattie had to walk over and help, it was too painful and awkward to watch after a while, and grabbed their legs, one by one pushing them up to lay on the beg with them. Eventually making it where they were laying on their stomach with their head at the foot of the bed on top of the disleved old, musty sheets. .......They sneezed from the dust and snatcher once again forced them up to their knees on the bed. Grumbling from the dust before forcing them around and wobble crawling up the bed until he carefully maneuvered themself around and forced their knees out from under them to sit properly with their legs over the side of the bed near the small drawer with the lit candles. Still cold but it was a five star hotel compared to laying onthe hard wood floor.

"There! All better?,'' Hattie asked walking around the bed and smiling back up at them.

"Yeah, Kiddo. Better than the dum floor at least. But I still think you should get back there and rebuild that thing as fast I can. I'd rather live out this punishment then get back to not living it out, if you get what I mean."

She pouted. "Hey! Don't forget it's your fault you purple dummy!"

"Trust me. I know!!....*sigh*" He reached up to rub their face and groaned. "Can you just...finish fixing it and reverse this please? I promise I'll make it up to you, just help me please, Kid!"

Hattie tilted her head at him, "Anything?"

"Yes. But could you at least grab me a book from the mini library downstairs?"..He looked thoughtful for a moment thinking. "....Grab me the one with the title called The Sparrow and The Knight if it's still there. I haven't read that in years."

The child sighed and turned around. "Ok. I'll be right back! But you still OWE me big time!!"

"Yes, yes." He waved her off after her, "Just go."

He sat their and watched as she ran out the doorway, her fast footsteps making the floor creak loudly as she ran away and he stared at the door until those fast and creaking footsteps faded away. He could hear Moonjumper hope she didn't wake Vanessa with her loud footsteps but the only noise now was the wind and occasional lightning strike outside. He usually liked the silence of his home so he could read on hours on end or think of new contracts or traps to be made. But his forest and swamp usually had the chirping of frogs or the chitter chatter of his ghostly subjects in the background for that, or the giggles of little children. But right now he would gladly rather have the kids bug him for eternity than sit here in this dead silence with wind and lightning. Maybe it was just the many worries Moonjumper was thinking right now, or the fact he was vulnerable in this form, or the fact Vanessa was literally a hallway and room away. Locked up and unconscious, but still a few yards away. Or maybe it was all three, but he was starting to get tired of it really quick waiting for the kid to come back with the book he requested. Snatcher huffed and turned their eyes around the old room drinking in the details of the room, guess things didn't change much. Except for the claw marks and the ruined painting on the wall over there. Eventually his eyes glazed over the furniture near him including the writing desk with old yellowed paper on it, the old chest, and the lit candles with a book right next to I-......Snatcher blinked their eyes at the small green book. It was a very dull green with light tears here and there and even tho it was VERY faded, the dull black word 'Diary' was engraved on the cover with very pretty cursive writing......A....Diary?? In Vanessa's room? Wow. It didn't take too long to figure out who it probably belonged too. ....But all of a sudden his mind got a curious idea-

"D-D-Don't do it." Snatcher jumped at the sudden voice of the fearful Moonjumper finally managing to force itself through and scowled. "Look Moonboy. There isn't anyone here to stop us from looking and after all we've been through you can't say we don't at least have the right to 'invade on her privacy' after all the 'invading' she did to YOU!!....I mean me!...Us? AH!! I MEAN we can't get any kind of revenge on her now so Im taking what I can get! And if ol' blondie gets upset and throws a tantrum over her 'pwecious diary' being read, them Im not going to give into that pecking tantrum and coddle her like she always guilted us into!" ......"I-I still don't know. I d-don't think I want to see any thoughts she had." "EVEN if it means we'll get some power over a situation she laid out for once and get the teeniest revenge on her? If she also never knows it'll be better cuz we'd get to get away with it! Not that we wouldn't anyways." Moonjumper remained silent thinking over what Snatcher said carefully before sighing. "Alright. B-But that doesn't mean Im going to like it." "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!"

Snatcher smiled evilly on their face and reached their wobbly arms out and grabbed the book......if it could even be called that!! The Book cover was obviously made for a thick book. A thousand pages at least, but it was barely filled with pages when he opened it, giving a confused frown and raised brow. What the-.... Only about two or three pages were in tact, very yellowed with chicken scratch writing like a dizzy blind person wrote the few faded words he saw. There was ends of many other pages where they were obviously ripped out and done away with, but that didn't stop his annoyance. Vanessa had a diary with three pages left minimum and ruined an entirely good book! Wasted potential and paper!! And just when he thought she couldn't get crazier!! Rolling their eyes, he latched onto the faded chicken scratch to see if he could make heads or tales of the horrible writing. He noticed on the bottom corner of the page was the very faded letter 13. Huh...So this must've been page 13 of the diary then. Alright. Let's see what nonsense Vanessa wrote.

"Why? What have I done wrong? In his letters he talks about her. A 'tutor'. He says he loves me. But SHE sees him. I get letters, and SHE gets his time. He is MINE. Once his studies are finished I will have him back. "

.........Both ghosts stared blankly at the what was scratched down and processed it in their heads. Snatcher catching onto the real meaning behind it rather quickly and almost dropped the book onto the floor in shocked. .....L-Letters??...His studies??..A TUTOR?! HOLY PECK!!! THIS WAS WRITTEN WHILE HE LEFT FOR A FULL YEAR OF LAW STUDIES!! Moonjumper was somewhere between confused and panicked in their mind but Snatcher reread the page to make sure he was reading it right, and looked around the other half of the page and turned it over, but the entire page was black except for those few sentences. But just by looking at those few lines he came to the hard conclusion that.......Vanessa...Was JEALOUS!! Of his old tutor....A lady that was old enough to be his great grandmother( at the time he was alive) and who had taught his father before him....VANESSA WAS JEALOUS OF A LITTLE OLD LADY THAT HAD ZERO CHANCE WITH HIM. And her referring to him in 'He is MINE.' just added to the whole creepy vibe he always had with her, dead or alive. Moonjumper made them shudder in disgust while Snatcher growled and flipped it over to the next page. Like before the entire page was wasted and left unused except for a few random chicken scratches in the middle and this time the faded number was 48. Page 48.

" Dear Diary, Today my prince left to begin his studies. He will be so far away, and for so long. He has promised to write. He won't forget me, will he? His beloved princess."

........Wait. What?

This.....This wasn't even written in the right order of events!! He left for his studies BEFORE he sent her any letters!! Which he always regretted, and wished he HAD forgotten her, and KNEW she was NEVER his let alone a 'beloved princess'. Snatcher only continued to grow more irritated and snarled at the book in his hands before flipping to the last in tact page in seemed with the faded number 73.

"He is coming back. Just one weekend. A short holiday, from HER. I will convince him to stay. I CANNOT let my love leave Again. Sounds a little melodramatic. "

Yeah...He remembered that. One week holiday before going back to his studies, their anniversary week too. Spent all his pons on a bracelet he used to trade for flowers .....from.....Snatcher actually growled. Guess he was still able to use THAT ghostly ability. And once again the 'HER' was a woman who he always saw as his GRANDMOTHER in a way!! If she read his letters truly she would've known that!! And not letting him leave? HA!! Guess what?! He DID and was now king of everything in their kingdoms!! A LITTLE MELDRAMATIC!? REALLY?! SHE HAD ONE SMALL BIT OF SENSE FOR A SECOND AND SHE SAYS IT WAS A LITTLE DRAMATIC?! SHE WAS CRAZY!! ABSOLUTELU BONKERS!! MAD!! INSANE!! OFF HER ROCKER!! BANANAS!! WHAT EVER YOU CALL IT!! She didn't even write the events in order. Page 48's events came BEFORE page 13's. Was she just flipping to a random page and crazily writing these down in no order?? He wouldn't be surprised if she did! Still hard scowling, Snatcher tossed the book away from him, but because their arm was still pretty weak it only landed two or three feet away with a soft thump as he glared daggers at it.

"Snatcher?" He jumped and turned around to see the little girl standing there in the doorway as she came in. Holding a small red cover book in her hands. She came around the bed and stopped glancing at the book on the floor before blinking and looking back up at them. "Were you reading the crazy lady's diary?"

"Yeah...Crazy is an understatement. More like peckin' owlpoop insane!!" "Again.. LANGUAGE!!" "Be quiet Moonshine!" He glanced back down to her hands and the book. "That's not the book I asked. It has a yellow cover."

She held it up to them anyways. "I couldn't find it so I got this one instead cuz I liked the moon pictures in it!"

Snatcher reached over and grabbed it from her. Glancing over the cover and reading 'Moon Phases and Star Constellations by Star S. Hine'. "....I suppose this would work just to wait a few hours." And It might help Moonboy calm down, he loved talking about the moon and stars like poetry.

"Uh huh!" She once again looked down to the green book on the floor. ".....Were you really reading this?"

Snatcher opened the book to the first page but stopped and looked at her. "Yeah. But why does it matter?"

"Did you read the other pages yet?"

He blanked for a second. ".............There's MORE?!"

She nodded. "Ill go get them!'' Before either could protest she had already turned around and ran off. Through the door into the old nursery and after a moment they could hear the other door attached to the other side of nursery.............After a few more moments, the same door opened, and then the door attaching the nursery to Vanessa's bedroom reopened and Hattie ran back in but not to them. Instead she ran over to the writing desk and grabbed the two yellowed papers on it. Adding them randomly to her small pile of now five pieces of paper and running back up to them smiling before presenting them up to them. "Here! I made sure to grab them all! They were all over the place!"

They both just stared at her for a moment, before snatcher once again made them move and grabbed them from the small child. They all had the same chicken scratch writing like in the diary with random faded numbers near the bottom, and the sides were torn. So these must've been some of the random pages that were ripped from the diary, and like the rest, all had just a few sentences wasting the rest of the space the paper provided. Annoyed all over again he read what the first page said.

"Im sorry about your hair, My Prince. I just wanted our lengths to match! ....and color...and curl ...you look wonderful! "

His....HIS HAIR!? He remembered that! He was taking a nap when he awoken to the feeling of something wet on his head, like he had just taken a shower. But instead woke to the sight of a mildly panicked Vanessa above him and a painful sensation to his head so he rushed to the bathroom to look in the mirror. Only to discover his lovely brown hair had been very sloppily died yellow with obvious patches of his natural color here and there, and the painful sensation was a couple of curlers too tightly rolled into random spots on his head. He took them out and got into the shower immediately to wash it out to no avail. Of course Vanessa when asked about it cried and said she only wanted to practice doing hairstyles. Like the idiot he was, he forgave her not a few seconds after. And it turned out he couldn't wash it out. He was to wear it off which left him looking ridiculous!! Embarrassing him in front of everyone including....... Well...That didn't matter anymore. He did NOT look 'wonderful'. Snatcher's eyes narrowed and flipped to the next random page.

"Mother had a bit of an accident last week, so today I got crowned as queen. Now the prince can't call me his princess! Life isn't fair!"

He remembered the old sick Queen very well. She was a stern and cranky old lady, but very nice and professional when you got to know her. She was a lot like Vanessa in ways but much MUCH better if you asked him. She loved discussing his interests with him and thought it was very responsible of him to want to study law. Even though he was never able to attend her funeral or really found out how she died, he really did miss the old coot sometimes. Sometimes he even wondered if she could've done anything to stop Vanessa if only he brought it up...Oh well. That past is past. But seriously!? Her only mother had passed and she was upset over the fact he couldn't call her 'princess' anymore?! The entitlement of this woman! If she just asked politely to be called that as a nickname he wouldn't have minded, but peck!! He missed his parents more than anything and she doesn't even write down anything expressing the same thing!! His annoyance grew as did the usually calm Moonjumper's as he turned to the next page.

"Oh, I wish I could just keep him always! Locked up and in chains in the cellar! But you can't chain a man...can you?"

This-....

This actually made the two freeze up and for a moment a blank face fell upon them. .....Locks...Chains.....Celler.......That was....how he....they.....They never saw her agai- WAIT!! SHE HAD THIS IDEA IN MIND FROM THE VERY START!? THAT PECKING NO GOOD WITCH!! He swore he was gonna tear the papers from hold tight their hold became. Had she planned this?! And was only pushed over the edge of crazy with one little misunderstanding?! OOOOOOHHHH!! He wasn't sure when the last time he got THIS angry but Moonjumper forced him to look over at Hattie who currently was for some reason looking up at the ceiling with a curious look and he reluctantly stood down. No point getting mad over it now Moonjumper's thoughts were saying as they bounced around and instead of confronting him, Snatcher turned to the next page.

"My prince enjoys his breakfast far too much. I'm jealous of that darn bacon! No more bacon in this house!"

WHO. BANES. BACON. AND. GETS. JEALOUS. OVER. FOOD?!

Snatcher had about had it with all this terrible chicken scratch trip down terrible memory lane and flipped to the last page, wondering which event she wrote about on the last one. One of her tantrums? Or maybe him being 'unprincely'? But when he saw the fancy curvy cursive, he paused. .......This paper was yellowed like the rest of the others, but there was definitely NO chicken scratch to these neat and proper letters. Was this a page written before she went crazy and started squibbling nonsense? But...It was torn and shorter than the rest. Instead of there being any evidence of it being torn from the side, there was a tear right down the middle. As if it was never a part of a book at all-.......Realization suddenly dawned on him making their eyes go wide.

"M-...My letter," Moonjumper whispered out as they read over it.

"My Dearest Vanessa, It has been many days since I saw you last, but it feels like months. My time at the Acadmey is hard, but I am progressing quickly. There is so much to study when it comes to law, but the library here is well-stocked. Our tutors are the finest in the land, and I am thankful for their help. I have been attending private study with one, an experienced practitioner of law by the name of Lady-"

.....The .....Their letter ended off with the tear. Not knowing what the world happened to the other half other than is had to have been torn by Vanessa. When he...When he began writing her letters, he wasn't very happy to be writing to her to be honest, but he was still loyal to her and put effort into being polite in them. Telling her all about his favorite law books, and the garden, and his old tutor he adored so much.....But did she just see the word lady and assume she was the new love of his life?! Not reading WHO she was and tearing the thing to shreads in pure jealousy and craziness!? They bothe scowled down at the remains of the letter they sent to her all those years ago, Hattie not paying attention. She had taken a few steps still staring at the ceiling curiously but turned around behind her when she heard tearing. They were tearing the letter......Well that's not true. Moonjumper was. But Snatcher made no move or thought to stop him. The other papers he just let float to the floor in random places as the letter was torn and shreaded into tiny little pieces before released to the floor in old yellowed paper snow. Hattie watched as it all fell to the floor before saying something.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because my dear..." Moonjumper looked at her. "That might've been the only part of me left behind in this cursed place. The last part of me Vanessa had....I wouldn't want her to have a hold of any part of me. She doesn't deserve it."

"Oh." She stared at them and the destroyed letter by all the papers for a moment before resuming her odd behavior of looking up at the ceiling which caught Snatcher's attention and he looked up to the plain dusty ceiling for a couple seconds as well. ....Before raising a brow back to her.

"Kid. WHAT are you staring at? I know everything around her is pretty dead, but I think you could find another way to occupy your time. Like maybe gluing a magical hourglass back together. QUICKLY!"

She only continued to stare. "Don't you guys hear that?"

They looked up to the ceiling in silence. .....Nothing but the wind outside and occasional lightning- A small, weak creaking noise came from above them somewhere and Hattie pointed before looking at him like 'See! There it is!'. Making Snatcher roll his eyes and wave her off picking up their book again.

"It's just the old house settling or the wind. I should know. Im an expert on old haunted houses."

......She looked back up to the ceiling with a hum. "I don't know. I never heard that before when I was here.''

"Probably because you were a little busy running away from blondie."

"But...What if it's someone who got frozen? They might need help."

"Kid. You've been to the third floor before and so have I. I've never seen any frozen people up there did you?"

"No....But Im going to go look anyways." She bounded to the door with them following her.

"Up there? By yourself?!

"I can handle it!" She pulled her trusty umbrella out of no where and twirled it around. "I beat you didn't I?"

His eyes narrowed. "Kid. That's not the point. One being you NEED to reverse this as soon as possible. And second because you don't know what's up there and Im useless like this." "S-Sweetheart. I agree with the grape noodle on this. Y-You could get into trouble!"

"I'll be fine! Besides, there's no ice people statues up there. And it'll just be a quick check. Don't be such a peckneck!"

"Wha- HEY!! IM NOT A PECKNECK!!"

The small girl giggled like a maniac before running out of the room where they couldn't follow even if they tried. Grumbling Snatcher turned them back to the book In their lap and picked it up, turning to the first page.

'Chapter One What are the Moon and Stars made Of?'

[bloodstarved]

long ass survey

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :  dzhambul buduga NICKNAME :  dzha AGE :  34 BIRTHDAY :  unknown ETHNIC  GROUP :  xaela NATIONALITY :  othardian LANGUAGE / S :  old auri, eorzean, & some hingan SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  bisexual RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  single HOME  TOWN / AREA :  dawn throne, azim steppe CURRENT  HOME :  ul’dah, eorzea PROFESSION :  buduga “recruiter” first, mercenary second

PHYSICAL.

HAIR :  black EYES : sky blue with electric blue limbal rings FACE :  androgynous & youthful LIPS :  kissable 😏 COMPLEXION :  pale BLEMISHES :  n/a SCARS :  many superficial ones covering his body; none of particular note TATTOOS :  n/a HEIGHT :  5 fulms, 2 ilms WEIGHT :  150 ponzes BUILD :  short & muscular, well-built FEATURES :  pitch-black scales with curling primary horns jutting from the sides of his head and small secondary horns protruding from his forehead; a long, fat tail; clawed fingers & toes ALLERGIES :  unknown USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  messy & unkempt: rarely combed & hangs over his eyes USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  bloodied & bruised, in various stages of healing USUAL  CLOTHING :   traditional xaela attire, often in buduga colors, though he owns some hingan & eorzean flavors; he also has a tendency towards the shirtless look

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :  being alone, disappointing his tribe, loss of loved ones ASPIRATION / S :  to bolster the buduga’s ranks with resilient, worthy warriors; on a smaller scale: to find love POSITIVE  TRAITS :  tenacious, cheerful, & loving NEGATIVE  TRAITS :  headstrong, violent, & forceful MAJOR ARCANA :  the star ZODIAC :  aquarius, the water-bearer TEMPERAMENT :  sanguine SOUL  TYPE :  the king ANIMAL :  hound VICE HABIT / S :  drinking, fighting, & kidnapping FAITH :  believes in azim & nhaama, though he is not exactly devout despite the best efforts of more than one oronir GHOSTS ? :  yes & it scares the shit out of him AFTERLIFE ? :  he’s never really thought about it REINCARNATION ? :  what are you, some kinda dotharl? ALIENS ? :  who? POLITICAL ALIGNMENT :  pro-oronir, anti-dotharl; pro-giant slabs of steak EDUCATION  LEVEL :  illiterate & generally uneducated; battle- and hunt-savvy, good at tracking, & well-adjusted in terms of relationships with others

FAMILY.

FATHER :  batua qerel, estranged MOTHER :  khutulun qerel, deceased SIBLINGS :  three younger sisters he has never met EXTENDED  FAMILY :  some aunts, uncles, & cousins that he barely remembers NAME MEANING / S :  dzhambul means “fortress”

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  this bitch cant read DEITY :  nhaama HOLIDAY :  the naadam MONTH :  july SEASON :  summer PLACE :  the lush, rolling plains of the azim steppe WEATHER :  bright, sunny, & warm with a pleasant breeze SOUND / S:  laughter & breaking bones SCENT / S :  loam & blood TASTE / S :  bloody meat & airag FEEL / S :  rough scales & sharp teeth NUMBER :  9 COLORS :  pale blue, black, & white

EXTRA.

TALENTS :  tracking & kidnapping men far larger than himself, fighting, & fucking your dad BAD  AT :  understanding new or foreign concepts, calming the hell down, & being tall TURN  ONS :  physical beauty, kindness, big muscles, other xaela in general, physical strength/strength of will, gentle voices, soft lips, & passion TURN  OFFS :  dotharl, cowardice, fearful or otherwise anxious personalities, emotional distance, aloofness, playing hard to get, & passivity HOBBIES :  hunting (men: batbayar ghalkir specifically), wrestling, working out, flirting, yearning, & not succumbing to the will of karash QUOTE : “You look strong; let’s fight!”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :  If you could write your character your way in their own movie,  what would it be called,  what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about? A1 :  the holy fool: a found-footage film following one man’s ultimately-unsuccessful attempt to escape dzhambul’s clutches

Q2 :  What would their soundtrack/score sound like? A2 :  upbeat & fast-paced to the point that it’s almost anxiety-inducing

Q3 :  Why did you start writing this character? A3 :   as usual, i designed his appearance first and conceptualized a small, androgynous male character using the female au ra model. then, i thought it would be cool to have a tiny, badass buduga--i had previously played a displaced oronir and thought why not try their gay lovers best platonic buddies. i had also seen some portrayals of buduga that i personally didn’t agree with, so i wanted to try my own take on the tribe. at the time, when i first created dzhambul, i didn’t really have ANY cheerful/upbeat characters, so i also wanted to rectify that.

Q4 :   What first attracted you to this character? A4 :  his androgyny and shortness (MANLET RIGHTS). i also have a huge soft spot for mixing and matching the two models with different genders, even though dzhambul’s most recent iteration has him on the male model. he’s just stupid sexy (emphasis on stupid) and has a personality that i find very charming & endearing, if not overwhelming & in-your-face at times.

Q5 :  Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 :  i mean. obviously i dont condone kidnapping. he also has kind of a blue-and-orange set of morals, but i wouldn’t say i dislike that so much as i find it a challenge to portray at times.

Q6 :  What do you have in common with your muse? A6 :  we both drink our “respect women” juice everyday.

Q7 :  How does  your muse feel about  you? A7 :  i don’t think we’d get along, funnily enough. i’m not sure i’d be patient enough to deal with him (but damn is he nice to look at), and he wouldn’t take kindly to my irritation. if anything, our relationship would be “civil yet distant”.

Q8 :  What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with? A8 :  anyone willing to “play along” and try to keep up with his personality & whimsical nature.

Q9 :  What gives you inspiration to write your muse? A9 :  some character inspirations for dzhambul are jingim from netflix’s marco polo (SEASON 2 ITERATION ONLY), inosuke from demon slayer/kny, naruto uzumaki himself, zidane from ff9, wander from shadow of the colossus, & a little bit of emil from nier gestalt/replicant

Q10 :  How long did this take you to complete? A10 :  probably longer than my boyfriend would have liked because it diverted my attention from him LMAO

[mysmedrabbles]

I love how you write matches and I hoped I could get one for MysticMessenger: 4’11 pretty short and curvy with really big curly hair and hispanic. Working towards being an elementary school teacher and I dress like a pre-k teacher too. I’m getting my masters in art history so I can teach art in college painting is my specialty . I’m honest to default but im still very kind and patient... just very real. I’m a huge dork and a little bit awkward. I talk quite A LOT and always give my piece of mind

off topic but you sound like such an awesome person!! and thank you!! that made my day!! i hope you like this match!! thank you for the submission nonnie!! -shippety mod alex

I ship you with: Saeyoung!!

-an unlikely duo, but the second he sees you over the CCTV cameras he feels himself falling in love. trying to calm himself with the thought that maybe, maybe you might still have a bad personality, chiding himself to not get too attached, just to carry on making bad jokes and pushing you towards the other members, the feelings would go away eventually right?

-but alas your kindness hits him like freight train, and its your nervous laughter at his jokes that finally gets him, and your complete honesty about everything that strikes him down

-even at the party, he tries to hide behind a thicc layer of memes, a plea of mercy in his eyes, the slightest hint of fear, but you instantly call him out on it, because someone like you shouldn't be led on. Was he in this for the long run or not?

-he stops for a second, taking in everything about you. your mass of curly hair tied back into a neat ponytail, hair spilling over your shoulders as you stared at him accusingly, the chance that you might hit him (albeit not hard) going up every second. He has half a mind to keep standing there unmoving, not speaking; but he knows when theres something brilliant, something kind and precious and beautiful in his life- and he knows that parting with it would be the wrong decision.

-so instead he kisses you. he cups your face with his hands, tilting your chin up with his thumb as he leans down, taking a second to look at you, studying every feature, eyes falling on your lips as he pulls you closer, finally leaning in. 

-he’s not quite sure what he’s doing but it feels right somehow, like everything had been building up to this. he wasn’t going anywhere, with you is where he belongs.

     -            -            -

-he loves your darkness! he finds it the cutest thing on earth, and whenever you talk about your studies he listens intently, giving you his full attention

-if you need help in a particular topic or want him to quiz you on your test materials, he goes the extra mile; he’ll lock himself away in his study for about an hour, then come back out almost fully versed on the subject, ready to quiz you to make sure you’re prepared

-seeing you succeed and happy gets him so soft, he’s supportive boyfriend no.1

-when you get your first job as a teacher, he throws a small party for you with just the rfa, with all your favourite comfort foods and a cute gift from seven- a backpack filled with school supplies; complete with a planner, various cute cat pencils, japanese erasers, red pens which he claims are for,, “failing kids to your hearts content” (you’re quite affronted by his comment but laugh nevertheless), binders, and a large bottle of advil and one of those big plastic bottles with the infuser, on which he scrawled a badly handdrawn photo of Ellie 

-he’s ready to throw hands at any third grader that makes you mad

-he knows being with you is a blessing that he isn’t willing to square away

-the rest of the rfa make jokes, wondering how someone like you is with someone as chaotic as saeyoung, but it works in its wacky way

-his favourite thing in the world is hugging you, fully reveling in the fact that you only come up to about his chest, and always teasing you about your height, saying that thats the reason why hugs with you are the best

-he has a constant need to hold your hand, even when you’re home together he cant help but want you close to him. he often falls asleep at the table with you when you’re studying or grading homework. you always tell him to just go to bed, but he persists, saying that he cant sleep without you in the bed with him

-and he cant, but this leads you to having to shake him awake (he’s a heavy sleeper) and having him grumble sleepily as he tells you that he refuses to go unless you put down the books

-has a habit of throwing you over his shoulder to make you laugh running around the bunker making odd airplane noises tossing you onto the couch and proceeding to tickle you

-long night drives, taking you to a spot overlooking the whole city, laying down with you on the roof of his car and looking at the stars, making up silly names for constellations

-cant believe how lucky he is to have made the right choice the night of the rfa party, smiling as he scoots closer next you, feeling you fingers intertwine with his

[boredom-thingy]

TL;DR- I have been sorta kinda diagnosed with Executive Function disorder (psychologist said it was very very very likely that I was suffering from it, but he couldn’t do anything) and I think I’m emotionally abused by my parents. I’m still trying to figure out whats what and what problem comes from where and if I can life hack it. I’m looking for help and/or other people suffering from the same things to add to the list. This is my list of symptoms.

Hey, all of you out there who struggle with executive function disorder or have been emotionally abused, or both. I have sorta been diagnosed with EFD and I think I’m being emotionally abused (I could be wrong and over reacting, I honestly can’t tell). Its been a while but I’m slowly discovering more and more symptoms that I thought were normal or scared the shit outta me (and still do) originally. Here’s an incomplete list, mind agreeing or disagreeing with them and adding your own? And/or how you deal with them?

My Incomplete (and ever growing) List-

Time. My sense of time is off, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. There are times when I think something happened 2 months ago when in reality, it happened years ago. I can be left home alone and when my parents get home and ask me what I did for hours on end, I have zero clue, its just a blank hole. I lose track of time extremely easily too.

Other Disorders. I often feel like my particular brand of screwyness happens to combine other mental illnesses/disorders like insomnia, depression, anxiety, adhd, add, odd, and paranoia among others

Depersonalization/derealization(dissociation). Especially here recently, I think I’ve been suffering from episodes of Depersonalization-derealization disorder. Its happened in the past but not as much as right now.

I feel like I’m going insane. Constantly. I feel like I’m over-reacting to everything, like everything is in my imagination.

I always feel like I’ve done something wrong/upset people. People I don’t know, people I do know, people I love. I always feel like I’ve upset them or I’m some kind of burden or I’ve done something wrong. (Leads to me apologizing to a chair for hitting it.)

Extreme clumsiness. This one is prolly just me. But its often a source of anxiety for me.

Social skills are next to nothing. I can’t make friends. All the ones I have were introduced to me by other people or approached me on my own. And most of the time they end up ditching me and telling me its my fault. Also, my timing is shit. I’ll walk up and ask you for something while you're busy.

Cotton. I feel like my head is full of cotton, like I can’t think straight. My thoughts are either spaghetti or a train wreck. I lose track of what I was thinking extremely easily.

Memory. My memory is shit. My parents claim its not, and I feel like it didn’t used to be, but it is now. I forget how to do something when I read or heard the instructions 10 seconds earlier. I forget things that are important to me, things that I wanted to get or do. I forget when things happened (ties in with the time issue.) I can’t remember important life events, or more accurately, I can remember them, but the memory seems weirdly muddled and I cant remember when it happened.

Food. I love food. But there are times when I’m light-headed and dizzy, and I know I should eat, but I just... Don’t want to. The thought makes me nauseous, its too hard to get up, I’m not actually feeling hungry (despite the fact that I can hear my angry tummy and I can feel the light-headed/dizziness), etc. 

Being left alone (especially with not much to do). I don’t fear abandonment (ok I do a little, but that not the problem here.) I fear my own brain. I hate being left alone, especially for long periods of time because when I run out of things to keep my mind occupied, all those thoughts I forced to go away come steam rolling back. Intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, self harm thoughts, extremely depressing thoughts, disturbing thoughts that scare me witless, thoughts of running away, etc. I can’t stand my own brain. It scares me.

Motivation. I go to school online, 4.1 gpa (so far) and I am a fairly self motivated person. But there are times when I can barely find the motivation to grab my glasses off the nightstand 2 inches from my face and other times when I’m motivated to do something, I’m almost in a frenzy, and I’m hyper-focused on it. And there are times when I really want to do something (usually something that I love, like a hobby) but the thought of doing it makes me nauseous and I just don’t want to. Or if its a creative thing, like writing, I can’t seem to form a single idea or spark to get me started. My brain nopes out and I can’t do anything but stare at the paper, desperately wanting to write, but my brain is a bout as blank as the paper is.

Body-brain disconnect. Sometime my body and my brain seem to be on separate wavelengths. I want to stop scrolling through pinterest, but I can’t seem to make myself. I want to get up and eat, I know I need to, but I can’t make myself. I want to get up and do dishes or take a shower or do something, but my body just wont move. I want to go do something fun, like watch tv or draw, but I’m no moving, no matter how much I want it.

Pain. I am always in some kind of physical and/or mental pain. Headaches(near constant dull headache), back aches(always), cramps even when no where near that time(I am female), random muscle twitches/spasms/aches, etc. Oh and nausea. I’m nauseous a LOT. I also am light-headed or dizzy (or both) a lot.

Extreme mood swings.  I go from being so happy I could burst to emotionally shut down and sobbing in the corner in the blink of an eye. I go from being so pissed off that I want to slam my fist through a wall and break things to being so depressed I want to kill myself and repeatedly slam my head against the wall until I can’t see straight. I also sometimes get extremely frustrated/angry with the smallest things, like a noise, or something not working right, or the pets being annoying. Sometimes it gets to the point where I want to scream and break something or hit something (I never do and try my absolute hardest not to.)

Morbid thoughts. Fleeting morbid thoughts, generally about somehow injuring/harming myself. I might see a light socket and think “oh hey, you should stick a fork in that and see what happens” or I might see a pair of nail clippers or scissors and think “I wonder what would happen if I tried to cut x-spot on my body with those.” When I was younger, I used to want to sew patterns in my skin with a sewing needle and thread (never did, thank god) so they would scar over and create neat patterns on my skin.

War. I feel like I'm at war with my own brain, I talk to myself a lot. (I am an only child with parents that run their own business ((making them constantly busy)) so that is very possibly a reason I talk to myself. I also have very few friends and I talk to walls and my two dogs as well.) I tell my brain to shut up, to stop it, I feel like it has a mind of its own. Thats weird to say. (woooooo I'm totally crazy, right?)

Apologies. I apologize to literally everything. And about everything. I’ll apologize to a chair for bumping it. I apologize to my boyfriend when I rant to him or ask for help from him. I apologize for anything and everything, small or big. The bigger the issue, the more embarrassed and upset I am about it. Even if its not big to the other person. Ties in with always feeling like I did something wrong.

Defense. I am always on the defense, and sometimes it turns into offense. I always feel like I have to defend myself and everything I do or say that might have even the smallest chance of upsetting someone. And if I know it has or will upset someone, I defend myself more, to the point that it sometimes becomes offense. I can’t stop myself, I feel like I have to defend myself or I’m going to lose something or someone, or they’re going to take something I want or love away from me.

Noises and other various audio things.  Sometimes I feel like I can just barely hear someone calling my name, or a song, or a noise, or something just barely audible, but no matter how much I search for it, I can’t find it. Other times I can quite clearly hear someone calling my name, but I’m home alone, or when I ask my parents or the other people around me, they respond with confusion and a “no one called your name.” Other time noises, like beeps from the printer, even when I’m the one causing it and/or I’ve heard it multiple times in the past few minutes, jar me. They cause a jarring sensation, that is almost bone deep, I feel it in the back of my skull and it causes me to jump just a little.

All of these things are terrifying to me at various levels and they only seem to be getting worse. I study psychology for fun, I plan on going into it as a profession, eventually. I have done research on most of this, but I can’t find much on any of it (except emotional abuse), especially executive function disorder. Please help? (I am always adding to things when I think of more.)

@bradshore @katimorton @we-care-org

[flower-of-the-desert]

City of Bones Thoughts

So full disclosure, I came into this with hella low expectations and prepared for the worst thing I’ve ever read basically. Many of that is because of the comments I’ve seen from other people and if I’m being completely honest? I disagree with about 90% of the things I’ve seen them say about this book. So there’s that. My thoughts in no particular order are below, I’ll try to keep it brief since otherwise it’s gonna get sooo long (my notes ended up being 14 pages which I debated whether I should just post them or not but decided to just give a summed up version instead).

Overall, I enjoyed this book a whole lot more than I ever thought I would and I love that. I absolutely loved many things from world-building elements to character interactions and conflicts and resolutions and I’m definitely looking forward to the next ones.

1) I like the writing style; one thing I’ve always liked about CC’s books is that it’s easy to read them because the writing isnt some pretentious attempt at sounding smart, it’s simple and easy to understand and I very much enjoy that. And it’s actually a bit better than TID? which I didnt expect but in TID there were a lot - and I mean a lot - of repetitions and the same descriptions used a million times in like a page-two pages max which was kind of annoying and I thought it would be the same here but it wasnt which again, I enjoyed very much.

2) I like the basic idea of the plot, there was nothing super shocking about it, of course, since I’ve already watched the show but I like the idea of the whole hidden world, angels vs demons, warlocks, magic, vampires and werewolves and all that; I’ve said before and I’ll say again, one of my favourite - if not the favourite - things about these series is the universe that it created. It has some of my all time favourite tropes and world-building elements and it’s the first thing I fell in love with.

3) I like Hodge being the guy backstabbing the heroes and the foreshadowing of that; it was subtle enough that if I didnt know I wouldnt immediately realise it but if I reread the book or read it already knowing what he’ll do it’s super fun to pick up on the little clues.

4) I loved that we actually got a resolution to the Clary/Alec conflict - and a satisfactory one at that! I absolutely didnt expect there to be one but I adore that their big fight was properly addressed and they both handled it in a mature responsible way.

5) Speaking of the big fight - one of my favourite scenes of the book! And one of the things I strongly disgaree that it was So PrObLeMaTiC; I mean yes, both of them were wrong to act the way they did, absolutely, but like people arent always fucking perfect? Sometimes they do bad things, they lash out and hurt other people in a moment of high emotions, etc. It doesnt make them terrible people forever more (especially if they apologize and realise their mistakes, which both  Clary and Alec did). So in that repsect I fucking loved that scene - it was emotional, it was ugly but incredibly true to both characters and what they’ve been bottling up since the start of the story. And like I said, it had an actual resolution which makes it even better.

6) Another favourite scene - MAGNUS (is anyone surprised anymore). Every time Magnus was in a scene or was mentioned I might have definitely screamed. It be my brand. The scene where the gang goes to him for help is just amazing - everything about it; some many things going on, Magnus’s reluctance to help shadowhunters vs his fondness for Clary, Jace trying to blackmail him with the treath of the Clave like a typical shadowhunter, Alec’s quiet observations of Magnus and how he was the first and only one to not get upset with him and to assure him his past isnt his fault (also speaking of that, if Magnus shared his past with his step-father in this scene then doesnt that create a slight plot hole with TRSOM where he shares the same story with Alec? Although I assumed this was the first time Alec was hearing it but I dont think anything indicated this int he scene itself? Also Magnus was very brief here and didnt go into details so that could also be a reason). Magnus’s struggle to express to Clary that different doesnt always mean better and also how upset he got with the implication that he might have done something to “break” her when all he’s ever wanted was to help - I love him so damn much. Also I love love how utterly unimpressed he is with shadowhunters still and how badass bossy he is and how he still managed to slip in some knock-downs on the Clave and shadowhunters by reminding Clary she isnt better than the rest of them.

7) “Keep it in your pants, shadowhunter” only a true King(TM) can open his introduction scene like this.

Also “Not for free, darling, and you cant afford me” -  BEST LINE OF THE WHOLE BOOK

8) Magnus throwing a birthday party for his cat - ❤️❤️❤️

9) Another scene I love and I think it did a great job of setting up both characters is the convo bw Alec and Isabelle while Clary is unconscious - I made a seperate post just about that because I liked it that much but basically I love that we see Isabelle being rather judgemental while Alec - the gay shadowhunter living in a unaccepting society is the one that seems to be missing that quality and comes to the defence of people more often than not.

10) Speaking of Alec, I really really like him so far; he’s sweet and clever and sarcastic in a different way than Jace and apparently has the one brain cell of the whole Institute 99% of the time (the other 1% is when  Church has it) which is just a perfect recipe for a favourite character in my dictionary. I hope I keep liking him because after three seasons of wanting to punch show!Alec in the face, I really need this. Another agrument I disagree with comes with Alec’s fighting skills and people saying CC made her gay character deliberately weak... but like the narrative explicitly points out several times that Alec hasnt killed a demon yet not because he’s weak but because he focused on watching Jace and Izzy’s backs and using more defensive tactics rather than offensive. And then in the fight with Abbadon all of them are shown to be shaking in fear and basically useless against the demon, not only Alec. Jace - the golden hero - cant do anything either so I fail to see this as a slight against Alec. The fact that Isabelle and Jace arent dead yet should be proof enough that Alec is good at his job.

11) people getting called out for doing/saying shitty things at various points - I love that song

12) there’s a lot more self-awareness than I originally anticipated.

13) “You need to know someone to love them” - book!Alec be speaking from my soul

14) I liked rat!Simon 100% more than human!Simon and that should tell you all you need to know about my feelings about him.

15) the finale scene between Clary, Luke, Jace and Valentine - I loved that. Although I knew what would happen it still gripped me in a way I didnt expect and I was practically on the edge of my seat. The way Jace struggled with his feeling for his father, Clary trying to break him out of it, Luke and Valentine facing off - there was so much emotion going on and characters pushing each other and interacting in meaningful ways and arh, I loved it.

16) Jace’s portrayl as an abuse victim makes so much sense like every word and action makes sense given his backstory and it really makes me feel for him... except that one scene where he manipulates Alec into coming with them when he didnt want to by hitting on his insecurities. That was one thing I wished had also been addressed in the end.

17) Things I didnt enjoy - the girl hate between Clary and Isabelle and Simon’s nice guy bullshit. Both can kindly fuck off. Those are probably my biggest complains in this book which I hope with that ending we’re going to fix at least the first issue.

[jeaneybean]

Storming castle werewolf

with a lot less storming and a lot more ‘how do I  manipulate everyone and not get ourselves killed’

Entering town Wolf-Wolf paws at his nose and is unable to follow the scent anymore. While Nitahn takes Wolf Wolf around the marketplace to see if he can catch any scents while Vera and Oz find a room for the night and board the donkeys. After Nitahn doesn’t find anything he finds the inn, where Vera and Oz have found out that there’s been a lot of travelers in the area, and that there’s been a lot of activity at the castle. The group has dinner (Vera nearly losing her hand to offering Wolf Wolf some meat) and they head to bed.

The next morning they again get out around town, heading to the church for a bit. Nothing evil there, but they slightly interupt service when they bring in a wolf and a fucking horse (since Steve has again hidden his horn) into the building. After Nitahn makes sure there’s not a wedding ceremony happneing because oz has him so paranoid he just leaves. After a bit more searching the town and asking about Nitahn’s ‘brother’ they head up to the castle to try and get an audience. A man comes from the castle to ask them their business, to which Vera replies that they’re there to pay respect to the family on their way through the area, and that they have family business to discuss. After he leaves after promising to pass along the information Vera feins that she’s made a faux paus and didn’t ask for his name. He’s Hanz the younger, the younger sibling of the Schwarzesholz family. Vera introduces the party as the Isha group, earning herself ‘We ain’t never heard no Isha clan’ “Then I’m doing my job right.”.

They head to the inn for the night, and the next day Oz starts annotating the letter from Vera’s husband and realizes that he’s kind of written a reply. He asks her if he can write her husband and Vera says of course he can. Her husband is brilliant, but he doesn’t make friends easily and he’d enjoy someone to talk magic with. She starts trying to teach Wolf-Wolf to ��take it nice’ when it comes to eating food, but doesn’t get much headway. After patting his ears she tells him his fur is weird, then remarks to Oz that she doesn’t really have much experience with animals. Her husband has a cat that’s 28 years old, though. Oz scores a good knowledge nature roll to know that’s unreasonably old for a cat. That, with the additional information from the letter that focused on Necromany questions and how Vera both fears undead and has an interest in anything creepy/vampire skeletons, Oz has a suspicious that her husband is a necromancer.

A letter comes for the party, and when Vera realizes it’s gibberish she hands it over to Nitahn, who can read it for traveler’s cant. It’s from Fyodora, and she says that there’s a back pathway into the castle and if they come after dark she’ll be able to meet with them, because she’s up in the keep. So the party gets ready, Nitahn taking a bath to make himself nice and Vera harassing him while he’s taking the bath. “Are we friends, Havilah?” “not right now we’re not!”

After asking Steve if he wants to come to the party sets out, going along a quiet cliffside path until they get to a dead end. Nitahn knocks a few times, and a footman opens the door. He leads them through the castle, Steve following after. The group passes by a corridor that smells heavily of death and decay. The Footman explains that’s where they keep the remains of those who don’t take the change. It gives a somber sort of feel as the group follows in the castle. 

At a point the footman leaves them, giving direction on where to go from there. Vera asks him if he’ll be okay, and the footman says he’ll be fine if no one catches him. Vera advises him to go back to Steve if he’s in danger, as Steve had to hang back in a more narrow passage. They continue towards where they were told to go, Nitahn’s enlightened ring fading when they’re almost at the wall. So in pitch darkness they push forward, Nitahn knocking on the wall. 

A hidden passage opened and there’s Vlad staring out at the group unimpressed. Vera leans to the side and gives him a shit eating grin at the sight of his eye, which while still there now has a scar over it. “Hey.” She says and Vlad grunts unhappily. After a moment though Fyodora is there and Nitahn squeezes past Vlad to check in on her. She’s fine, dressed well. Vlad’s also dressed a lot better.

Surprisngly blows don’t happen and the group is willing to listen to Vlad and Fyodora to learn what’s happened. Vlad had been sent to grab Fyodora and bring her south, because the head of the clan is trying to consolodate power and build up forces in the wake of rumors of Von Rothrine strength waning. Juno, previousy married into the Vodyvolk clan, sent her son Vlad north to find a specific halfblood. Bastard daughter to the pack leader of the Vodyvolk, a girl who’d been passed on after birth to a group of Travelers. Fyodora is Vlad’s half sister. Due to her high status and worth, Juno has yet to marry her off like she has several others. The ones that possesed the ability to slightly control their wolf form when they were infected were inducted into the family, and all that didn’t posses the ability to change are in the cellars.

Vlad pops an additional prerequesite to the plan: there are six others waiting for the full moon to be infected and face the change. He wants them all out, because traveling with Fyodora and getting to know her has helped him realize that this plan is a horrible plan. Vera asks if he’ll face reprecussions for this and he’s basically like ‘if I’m caught, yeah’ because being the son of the effective ruler of the pack doesn’t mean a lot if you betray the pack. Vera’s like ‘well, we’ll have to get you out too then’. They have some banter, with Vera being like ‘Hi, daddy issues. I’m also daddy issues.” which earns a laugh from Vlad.

They (and I mean Vera, Oz has started to harass Nitahn) as Vlad various questions about the family. What Juno’s goals are, what’s the proper terms of address, how to adress the family, what subjects to avoid. That kind of thing. And Vera starts getting a plan to cover up the old one that she can’t use anymore (She was going to blame Vlad for everything and point out what a security risk he was for kidnapping a girl from Von Rothrine territory, dragging her through the territory, getting into a fight in town, all that jazz. That won’t work.) because she’s wants to get some use out of Anton Bellek and his fuckery.

They say their goodbyes to Fyodora and Vlad and head back out the way they came. Once they get back to the catacombs however, when they pass the smelly hallway they all hear a noise. Vera doesn’t detect any evil, but they keep hearing a sort of wet meat smacking noise, like something’s moving. Instead of investigating that they get the fuck out of dodge and head back to the inn.

Fyodora sends a second letter that starts out readable by anyone as ‘I don’t want to see you again Havilah’ but he can read (after the initial shock) that she’s still safe and that an invite to the castle for dinner should come in the next few days. And, indeed, Hanz the younger comes himself to the inn to extend the invitation, asking for any dietary concerns like a proper polite host. They exchange plesantries and are told to dress nice if they’re able before Hanz leaves. The eldest barmaid is like ‘Well, that sounds interesting!’ and Vera’s like ‘oh, doesn’t it?”

Oz takes to the wagon to edit the dress Nitahn bought Vera to fit her and edit a set of armitage’s dress clothes to fit himself while Nitahn heads into town to buy something to cover up his smell on advice of Vlad. He buys two vials of perfume and after Wolf-Wolf leads him to a soap vendor and is like ‘hey i found that scent we were looking for!!!!’ Nitahn buys him a treat. The party gets ready and Oz i able to tell that the cologne Nitahn bought is based in fox urine. He doesn’t tell him and Nitahn douses himself liberally with it. Without their armor but with their silvered weapons the party heads to the castle after a last minute stop to buy a cask of whiskey to offer as a gift.

Vlad had warned them that there would likely be a large number of people in the hall for dinner as a show of force, because Juno has been making a lot of family members. Vera steps foward and adresses the family: first Deidric the clan head, then she adresses Juno as the countes of the vodyvolk wilds (which earns an eyebrow raise, thanks for the in Vlad) and when Hanz arrives a bit late she addresses him as proper. Juno looks to Vlad and he gives a sharp shake of his head; she’s asking if they’re the ones who nearly killed him a few days prevously. (He’s got a gnarly scar on his abdomen, Vera apologized for nearly bisecting him)

Plesantries are made and Vera explains that they’ve been in the country long enough that if you play meek and skirt under the lords of the land then you’re a target, so visiting the family to pay them duty due is only proper. She also alludes to having an interest in finding like minds against the Von Rothrines, citing the town of Hora that the group met in four months ago that was filled with kind people and then very abruptly wasn’t from the thirst. “Revenge, or justice?” “Justice, on a grand scale.”

Having piqued the interest of the countess they settle in to dinner. Nitahn sits by Deidric and gets talked to about hunting for a bit, and Juno calls in the wolves. Literally. Like 30 wolves come ito the room and start picking on the scraps. Questions start coming Nitahn’s way, like “So, where are you from?” “oh, all over, I’m a traveler.” “Traveler, huh? So, dragonport, dormond, rusk?” “All of the above!” “you’re pretty hairy.” “Yeah....” “That’s a nice wolf you got there. Few steps from wild, huh?” “Yeah, I found him, he’s a stray.” “You have a good connection with him? Like, almost understand him?” “Well, I’m working on it, he doesn’t understand me the best.” And he lets them down by not being a werewolf, but shortly after gains some points when someone else asks “So how’d he lose the ear?” and Nitahn awkwardly is like “He bit me. So i bit him back.” leading to anyone listening to burst into laughter and appreciaction. One asks him why he smells like fox piss, to which Nitahn looks betrayed at Oz. Oz doesn’t know why nitahn is looking at him but he smirks down the table.

Oz is across from an older woman who’s got her eyes set on a sweet little young thing and seductivley eats a chunk of meat. Oz politely smiles and  makes small talk with Hanz.

Meanwhile Vera’s doing her best to deal with the beast herself. She explains they’ve traveled the north and when Juno asks about it’s status, she tells her about Anton Bellek and his silver mine ran by humans. Getting a steady supply of silver into the hands of humans aligned with them (or wolves in human form) could be useful. lAs well as having a vampire ally, one who killed his master. Vera expresses distaste and how she’s unable to work for him due to her code of ethics, and Juno remarks how there’s no good or evil. (Which sounds like something someone evil would say). Juno presses Vera to know what she’s after and Vera tries simpering away, to mixed sucess. Juno does allow her to back down, stating that it’s soemthing to go over at another time. She also makes a bit of small talk, asking her how far along she is. Here the mask slips when Vera does the math, and, oh fuck she’s six months along.

Juno has the cask of whiskey they brought brought out, and suggests that Wolf-Wolf take the first drink because they’re far less likely to have given him protection from poison. The poor boy doesn’t like whiskey, with Nitahn apologizing and explaing they’ve only given him beer before. Booze is offered to the two men, with none offered to Vera because Juno’s been pregnant, she’s not going to make a pregnant woman drink. She also extends an invitation to stay at the keep, which Vera says she’ll get her companion’s opinion on before accepting or denying the genrous gesture.

Deidric puts an arm around NItahn and invites him out to a hunt, with Vlad interjecting and being like ‘oh, uncle, he’s probably tired’ and getting him out of hunting what probalby would be humans. Vlad also compliments him on the fox piss cologne, they’ll be smelling it for weeks when it rains. Nitahn is less enthused about this entire thing. The three gather and talk for a quick moment, Nitahn vetoing that idea and being like ‘blame it on me, say I’m not used to being in places like this beccause I’m a traveler.’ They have a bit of banter, with Oz bringing up to Nitahn whas would happen to Vera if she’s bitten. She’s a paladin, but what about the baby? To which Vera immedently gets a sour face and is like ‘I don’t- no. You know what? You need to remind me to ask Nik what happens, becuase I’m not thinking about this. if he didn’t want to get these letters he wouldn’t have pulled me out of the canals as a child’ and explains to them that she’d been trying to swim to the tarrasque. Nitahn knows that it’s basically monster godzilla and is like ‘whyyyyy’.

They make polite exit and head back to the inn for the night, finding that Steve had gotten baked with the stable boy and probalby has punked him a few times with the horn. They go to bed, and Vera dreams. There’s a bear or maybe she’s the bear, she knows what her name used to mean. And she’s running, and there’s wolves, but is she running away from the wolves or are the wolves running from her? Then it changes and the bear is running to the wolves, rearing up on it’s hind feet and it stands tall and powerful above them.

She wakes up and is like ‘I blame you’ to her stomach before doing her usual prayers. And when she opens her eyes at the end there’s a bear there. She knows what it is and why it’s there, and all she can do is reach out and grab it’s nose and start crying.

oz hears the sound of her crying through the door and gets Nitahn, hwo opens the door to find Vera on her knees and sobbing, reaching up to cradle the bear’s head. He closes the door and asks oz ‘Was there a bear in there when you left?” to Oz’s stunned response of no. Nitahn opens the door again and is like ‘Vera, where’d that bear come from?’ and Vera responsd in high pitched sobbing. 

Eventually she calms down enough to be understood, saying ‘He’s too big to fit through the door’ “Well, how’d he get through the door?” ‘he didn’t’ “...How did he get through the window?” ‘he didn’t?’ Nitahn looks at the intact walls, ceiling, and floor, before looking back at her. “How did he get in here?”

“He’s mine. I thought if I fell any night it’d be last night, but he’s here and he’s mine.” And with that Oz can make his knowledge religion check to guess that this is Vera’s paladin mount, a magic creature gifted to her by  her goddess. And it’s a bear.

Vera is later displeased at the realiziation that the bear comes with a saddle and she’s expected to ride it.

[2s0uls]

One More Light

Title: One More Light

Prompt: “Your body is not a reason to put your life on hold.”

Pairing: Platonic Loki x Plus Sized Reader

Word Count: 1538

Warning: Angst with a bit of fluff?

Summary: A night out at the Karaoke bar with the team leads the Reader into a bit of a slump. Loki lights a fire under them.

A/N:  Hi everyone!! This is my entry for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan ​‘s Full Figured Fantasy challenge. I feel a bit rusty writing because the last thing I wrote was almost 10 years ago! Thank you @iamartemisday for making sure I didn't miss anything. I am eternally grateful.

     Steve has watched out for you long before your grandmother had passed. Being a friend of your great-grandmother’s, once Steve had thawed from the ice, he searched for her in hopes of having a familiar face to help him through these changes of time. It was when he had showed up at your home that your grandmother told you who Steve was. During that initial visit, Steve had found out that his friend Marion, your great- grandmother, had passed away in 2003. Since then, he had taken it upon himself to visit you and your grandmother up until the day she died. Three months after the fall of SHIELD and your grandmother’s death, Steve had proposed becoming your guardian since you were a minor and had no other family. Accepting his offer had led you to where you are living now. The Tower was magnificent inside and out; you stated as such when you had moved in. When you had turned 18, Tony quickly hired you to help him in the lab and maintaining everyone's equipment since you were already doing that since your last year in highschool.

     Today was a rare occurrence for the team because everyone was back from their various missions. On days like this, Tony  would set up an event to help everyone relax, be it bowling or going to a karaoke bar. Tonight, Tony had picked karaoke, though you had mixed feelings about it. Everytime, you would go because the team was the closest thing to a family you have had in years but you would never go on stage to sing. You had carried many insecurities (most of which Steve or Bucky tried to help you with) that wreaked havoc through your mind. You stand at 5’6” and weighed just enough to give you quite a few curves. You were ashamed of how you looked because of all the negativity in your mind that had taken on the voices of your past tormentors.

     I want to get up there too, but who would want to watch a fat ass like me? That one thought was almost constant in your mind as you watched Natasha from the bar as she nailed another song with ease. Your rum and coke sat nearly untouched when that bartender came around to ask if everything was alright. Nodding absentmindedly, you continued to watch as Clint went next with a sweet country song you thought was for his wife. Out of the corner of your eye, a gentleman dressed in a forest green suit sat beside you.

     “Y/N.” Loki said almost too softly for you to hear.

     “Yes?”

     “The longer you look at them with that scowl, they would think you hated being here.”

     “It’s not that,” you replied. “I just don’t think they would want me to go up there. Besides, it hit me before we left what today was.”

     “And what is today?” Loki inquired, watching you with interest. You sighed and shook your head gently because today was important to you and it saddens you when it comes around every year. You were vaguely aware that Sam had gotten on stage and sang some pop song you’ve heard almost 9 times a day, every day for that past month and a half. You were too caught up in your self hatred that was spurred on by your already dismal thoughts.

     “My grandmother died 10 years ago today. When I look at all the fun everyone is having, I would like to join in. I used to sing years ago but I haven't sang since she died. Besides I am too fat anyways. Who would want to watch me?” Your bitterness caught Loki off guard. You were typically a cheery person when you were around him once you decided that he wasn't as bad as everyone thought. He knew you had your insecurities because they would surface when Steve or Tony was gone on a mission and Loki was around the tower, but he never heard that offhand remark come from you before.

     “Y/N, I don't know who told you that you couldn't sing because of your body shape, but I want you to listen me now. Your body is not a reason to put your life on hold. You are magnificent in all you do. Your mind is as sharp as my daggers. You care for all those around you, even putting them in their place if the need arises. Thor adores you. Steven and James see you as their little sister. Tony sees you as his daughter.” You looked at Loki before glancing over to where Steve and Bucky were laughing at an inside joke that was probably older than you. Pepper was with Tony at another table talking with Rhodes and Bruce. Natasha was next to Steve, talking to Clint, Wanda, and Vision. Scott Lang was somewhere around here but you weren’t certain where. Thor made his way to the stage once Sam had finished and reclaimed his seat next to Bucky. You assumed the song Thor was trying to sing was an song from his youth, but you weren't certain.  “Y/N, You have the courage to rival that buffoon who is butchering Mother’s favorite song. If Thor can do this, surely you can, Y/N/N. I believe you can do this. If you need to, look only at me. Focus on me and I will help you through this.”

     “Loki-”

     “I will tolerate no excuse, Y/N. Go up there and sing or I will drag you up there myself. Sing for your grandmother. Sing your grief and remember you are not alone,” Loki rebuked.  With a huff, you finished off your drink before glaring that him.

     “Fine! You want me to sing, I will. I doubt it would be good but who cares,” you fumed when he cut you off. You stomped off to the side of the stage, telling the DJ what song you would like to sing. You waited for Thor to finish his caterwauling rendition before you took your spot. Taking in deep breaths to calm down as you tried not to freeze on stage, the first few notes of one of your favorite songs started to play. You looked at Loki as you started to sing.

     “Should have stayed, were the signs, I ignored?

      Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?

      We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep

      There are thing we can have, but can't keep

      If they say

      Who cares if one more light goes out?

      In the sky of a million stars

      It flickers, flickers

      Who cares if someone’s time runs out?

      If a moment is all we are

      We’re quicker, quicker

      Who cares if one more light goes out?

      Well I do”

As you sang the first chorus, everyone you knew quieted down and watched you gain confidence with each passing second. However, you didn't focus on them. You watched Loki smirking from the bar. Your anger at him slowly dissipated as you continued to sing.

     “The reminders pull the floor from your feet

      In the kitchen, one more chair than you need

      Oh, and your angry, and you should be, it’s not fair

      Just ‘cause you cant see it, doesnt mean it isn't there

      If they say

      Who cares if one more light goes out?

      In the sky of a million stars

      It flickers, flickers

      Who cares if someone’s time runs out?

      If a moment is all we are

      We’re quicker, quicker

      Who cares if one more light goes out?

      Well I do

      Who cares if one more light goes out?

      In the sky of a million stars

      It flickers, flickers

      Who cars if someone’s time runs out?

      If a moment is all we are

      We’re quicker quicker

      Who cares if one more light goes out?

      Well I do

      Well I do”

     As you sang the last notes, Steve had gotten up and walked to the stage. He gave you a hug as you cried. Your grief had eased some and your self loathing got knocked down a peg by what you did. Once your tears stopped a little, Steve let you go only for you to be hugged by everyone you cared about. Loki stood beyond the others, watching as you realized that everyone here loved you immensely and were proud of you for going up there. Once the hugging and the tears ebbed, he walked over to you with a knowing smile.

     “I told you you could do this, Y/N. Like I said, your body is not be a reason to put your life on hold.” Loki said. “If you want to sing, then sing. There was a Midgardian poet who said something I would think fits this situation. ‘Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.’ ”

     “Did you just quote Shakespeare to me?” You asked in disbelief. Loki had never showed interest in Earth’s literature in the past, but it seemed that you are finding more about him every time you saw him. “ You got me to go out there and sing. Buy me another drink, and I might go again,” you said with a smile.

[geminimoonbeamx]

Sweet Tooth: Chapter Seven

A/N: I just want to write this story for the rest of my life. I love Lance Tucker man. I really truly do.

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Cursing. Fluff. A mild moment of triggering body insecurity. Lance Tuckery(hah).

Summary: Lance Tucker has come back to his hometown with his ego bruised and his look on life more tainted then ever. When he runs into Y/N; a vibrant plus size woman he went to high school with at her bakery ‘Cake Faced’, he leaves the shop with the taste of sugar on his lips and a hunger that has nothing to do with the cupcakes.

💘💘💘💘💘

Your pretty sure your dating Lance Tucker.

There’s a thought you never imagined would cross your mind. It feels alien just thinking it, but it was your reality. The last few weeks had been some kind of hazy day dream, full of intense touches and hot kisses and conversations that lasted for hours. You really couldn’t believe that it was even happening.

That’s what your telling Courtney as you two idly make your way through Target, your carts quickly filling up with various bullshit. When you’d only come to grab a pack of cupcake liners.

“So you guys are screwing?” Courtney inquires. She cant deny, she’s not thrilled about this whole thing. She still thinks Lance is a total ass hat, douche bag and that he wasn’t worthy of your time or your trust…but she did trust you. She knew you were more then capable of making your own decisions. All she could do was support you and hope that this thing between the two of you didn’t end in flames like she feared it would.

“No, that’s the crazy part. I haven’t had sex with him yet” You laugh at her wayward, unbelieving look that she shoots you.

“Bullshit” She drawls out the word.

“I’m dead serious. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s gotten heavy-”

“Like how heavy? Bj’s heavy?”

“No, more like a lot of dry humping. Like, a lot-”

“What are you? Fifteen?” Court deadpans, her nose scrunched as she looks as pasta sauces.

“You’d be surprised how intense that can get and Lance is very…sensitive. It’s too easy to make that man cum in his pants” She lets out a shrill fit of giggles and you try to contain your own “And I let him finger me the other day but that’s about it”

Courtney’s a little confused. It seems like you might really like the guy, and yet you hadn’t slept with him yet. She’d never known you to be a prude, there had to be a reason. “So why aren’t you doing the do with him then?”

“I just- I don’t know. I feel like once I really cave and give him what he wants it wont be the same anymore, you know? Like right now he likes me because I tell him no, and I like him because he keeps coming after me after I tell him no. It’s kind of a game of cat and mouse and I don’t want the game to end” You admit your fears in the simplest way you can word them.

“Have you talked to him about it? Your both adults, I think that it should probably be a topic of conversation” Courtney advises, her voice comforting yet firm.

“And what am I going to say? ‘Hey, Lance, I know you like to ditch girls after you sleep with them and I’m not trying to be one of them’?”

“Yeah, exactly. Let him know the boundaries of the relationship” Courtney can see the confliction in your eyes.

“Ugh. You know they say dating is supposed to get easier as you get older but it’s still just as hard” you whine. Thirty, flirty and thriving your ass.

“Well you waited long enough. You haven’t dated anyone since Eric” It hurts less, to hear his name you realize. If anyone had mentioned your ex boyfriend a couple of years ago you definitely would have winced. Now it kind of just went over your head. You felt pretty silly about it.

“Well we all cant be serial daters like you, Court” She’d literally been in relationships since middle school. Long ones, that lasted years. She’d been with her current boyfriend for seven or so years now. It was quite obvious Courtney didn’t like to be alone, she just wasn’t programmed that way.

“I take great offence to that” She quips at you “But onto bigger and better conversations. How excited are you for the interview tomorrow? What are you wearing?”

You adore the thrilled squeal in her voice. But honestly, you were more nervous then anything. This interview was big for you and Cake Faced, could be a tipping point for your small business. And although you’d always been good at talking to people, you couldn’t help but be shitted just thinking about it.

The rest of your Target trip with your best is spend planning your outfit for the next day to the T.

—————————-

Your up before the sun the next day, even though you’d popped a few sleeping pills the night before. You cant help it, your internal clock is wound tight in anticipation. So you take your time getting ready, spending hours perfecting you hair and makeup and then making a large, over decadent breakfast that you no way could eat yourself. You tend to cook when your nervous. Or sad. Or angry. It was just what you did, tried to pour the anxiety out of you. You end up packing the eggs benedict into containers, you’d bring them to work and feed the staff.

You check yourself over in the mirror, applying one last coat of neon-red orange lipstick and checking out your reflection. You’d chosen a sleeveless top. Because the weather was warm. Fuck if your arms looked large and jiggly in them, you tell yourself. You look damn good, and your determined to make a damn good impression. Confidence. Originality. Hard work. Those we’re your words that you had lived by and if you were going to be printed in the pages of a magazine, you were going to make sure they shined through. You with one last tousle of your hair, your out of the door. Walking tall in your heels.

After priming and primping the shop to look just how you want it to, you wait for the journalist. She’d said she’d be arriving at about 11 or so, so you did have some time to kill.

You prep the cupcakes your featuring, show casing. The Cookie Monster, The Lemon drop and the Red Velvet Classic. You want the batch’s to be perfect, and you don’t trust anyone but yourself to make them, so donning an apron you get to work. Your deep in concentration, squinting through one eye with and biting your lip when you hear a knocking on the doorway.

You look up and you cant help but smile.

“Hey there” Lance’s leans against the door frame, his arms folded over his broad chest as he watches you. He had been for a few minutes, before he’d decided to make his presence known. You just looked so cute, focusing all hard like that.

“Hi” You grin, “What are you doing here?”

He pushes himself from the door frame, coming towards you in long legged strides so that he can press a kiss to your lips “I had to come wish you luck, didn’t I?” he mumbles against your mouth and you sigh, leaning up on your heels, wanting more.

“Why thank you sir”

He pulls away first, his thumb coming to swipe at the corner of your lips, assuring that your pretty lipstick stayed in place. He’d had his fair share of interviews, he knew how important it was to keep your appearances. “You look nice”

Your chest swells at the way he says it, his sapphire eyes appraising you as they swept over your body “You think?”

“Mmhmm I do” He says cheekily, as his palm planes up your side, skimming your waist, coming up to cup the side of your breast. You exhale shakily and lean against him, your arms twining around his neck as you soaked up the gentle attention he was giving you. You loved this side of him, the gentle needy touches. The affection. It turned you to jelly because truly, you’d never thought he was capable of it.

Lance loves the soft feeling of your body under his hands, he wants to dip under your top, feel the bare skin but he refrains(just barley), not wanting to wrinkle your outfit. It was funny, he thinks. That you were the one doing interviews, your face going to be posted in magazines and he was the one all but hiding from the media. When the story of the gym had dropped on CNN; it had been a shit storm, just like he knew it would be. It would have been hell for him, if it wasn’t for you. You stuck close to his side through it all…he kept thinking you might bolt. Might retreat, go back to hating him. Like everyone else seemed to.

The least he could do was not get you all flustered before you had to go out and be professional.

He had really been a big help with all of this, he’d told you how it was going to go. To be the charming little shit that you were. He used that coach tone that made your panties wet too, which was an added plus.

“I should go” Lance says, checking his watch. He knew the magazine would be there to set up soon and he didn’t want to be at the shop when they arrived “Good luck, baby cakes. You’re going to do fine, just feed them a few of those cupcakes and flash those pearly whites and you’ll be set” He assures but you don’t want him to let go of your waist.

“What are you doing later tonight?” You ask him, holding his bicep.

“Mmm, I was hoping you” Lance’s tongue comes out to swipe across his bottom lip in a way that makes your heart pound with what your about to say next.

“Charming” You tease, poking at his arm muscle “What about if you come over to my place? I could make you dinner? There might be a little wine involved?” A little more then wine, you don’t say it. But your eyes do.

“I’ll fucking be there” Lance says quickly and you chuckle “You need me to bring anything?”

“No. I’ll stop at the grocery store before I go home. Just bring your appetite and that cute ass of yours” You waggle your eyebrows and he grins.

“That I can do” He beams, giving you a wink, before he’s out of the door.

Your heart flutters uneasily and you shake your shoulders in excitement before going back to your cupcakes.

—————————————–

The interview goes well, fuck it goes more then well if you do say so yourself. The interviewer is a bright, bubbly intuitive woman and the two of you talk about a range of subjects: from how social media had helped to kick start your business, to what it was like to be under thirty and be your own boss. You crack jokes, you show case your sweets, you plaster on the charm. You take some awesome pictures; the photographer had set up amazing lighting in the shop. You wondered if you could set up that kind of lighting in your bathroom, it would really up your selfie game. When they leave the shop you feel accomplished and bold and electric.

A lot like you felt the day you’d put the down payment on your store, signed the lease and gotten the keys.

It was such a rush! It might be bad thing, the way power amped you up…

After doing a happy jig with Shane who was taking the managers shift for the day, you decide you might as well head to the market and get your shopping done. You wrack your brain for recipes as you head there on foot, deciding not to waste how the gorgeous afternoon weather. It was only a few blocks…or ten. Yeah, you kind of regret it when your pumps start to pinch your toes but whatever. Your still riding that adrenalin rush.

All the way through the isles of Walt’s grocery store, collecting ingredients and grinning like a mad woman.

“What’s got you so happy, little miss?” La'tecia queries as she checks you out. Your glowing, looking radian. She doesn’t think she’d seen you look like this in years. Most days you we’re so tired, your everyday life draining you of that bright light that now gleamed in your eyes. You looked a lot like you did when you’d come with your mama every weekend to buy candies by the pound.

You tell her about the magazine and the interview and when she tells you how proud your mother and grandmother would have been of you, you attempt to compartmentalize it, to suck down the emotion that burns your nose.

“Don’t go making me cry, I worked really hard on this makeup, okay!” You laugh it off.

“You planning on celebrating tonight?”

“Something like that” Your lips quirk as she rings up not one, but two bottles of white wine.

“With someone special?” The knowing look she gives you isn’t discreet. She’d heard the rumors, even though she tried her very best to steer clear of poisonous gossip. Lance Tucker had been the talk of the town since he’d come home, but since his face had been plastered all over the nightly news, he’d been the talk of the nation. The scandal of it all was insane, and to top it off, everyone was buzzing about how you two had been spending a lot of time together… The Olympic athlete and the fat girl. Who'da thunk?

“Eh” You tease, shrugging your shoulders but then you giggle “Yeah, he’s special I guess”

When your done paying, taking the bags in your hand she spits some real life truth at you.

“Not as special as you, Y/N. Don’t forget that”

Those words would stick with you for the rest of your life.

—————————————–

Your phone is sandwiched between your cheek and your shoulder as you stand at your stove, working between pans of simmering food. Music blares through the speakers and your hips sway to the music as you cook.

“You coming soon? I’ve almost got dinner ready?”

“Yeah, I have to do something first, but I should be there in a half an hour-ish?” Lance replies over the phone and you huff excitedly.

“Mmm, good. I might be a little bit excited to see you” You stir at the vegetables. You were definitely excited. The matching lace bra and panty set you’d changed into was a big indicator of the fact. You felt devilish knowing they sat, waiting for him, under your clothes.

“Yeah? You going to be nice to me tonight?” his words are dripping with anticipation.

“If you earn it” you quip. Knowing that you weren’t really going to make him wait. If anything- you’d be jumping his bones as soon as he walked through that door. You’d been torturing yourself as much as you’d been torturing him with this whole “hard to get” act and you were done with it. You wanted it. Wanted to be his. Wanted to let him have whatever he wanted.

You squeezed your thighs together just at the thought of it.

“Fuck- your going to kill me. Okay, baby, I’ve got to go, I’m driving. I’ll be there soon”

“I’ll be waiting”

“Naked?”

You shake your head, looking at your celling. Lord, help me.

This. Fucking. Man.

“No- but I made some really good food for you so there’ll be that”

“Thank fuck, I haven’t eaten all day…you going to let me eat that pretty pussy of yours too?”

You squeak at his forwardness. Even though it was nothing new. He was one crass motherfucker and had been whispering the dirtiest shit into your ear for weeks.

“We’ll see. Drive safe, Lance” when you hang up, you reach for your glass of wine and take a swig, hoping that it might help quell the bubbles of nervousness in your stomach. Shocker, it doesn’t. If anything it makes them worse.

So does the next glass.

As you wait for Lance, the minutes ticking by. You’d finished dinner, and had it low simmering so that it would still be warm when he got there…

If he ever got there.

Because thirty minutes roll by.

And then forty five.

And then an hour…

You send him texts. Asking him where he is? Is he close? Did he get lost?

You cant help it, the dread that sets in. The way your mind clouds with doubt and fear. He’d blown you off. He’d bullshitted you. Had this been a mistake?

The reasonable side fights your insecurities.

Bitch, he’s done nothing but try since he got back it hisses at you. You need to stop being a crazy, insecure child.

You drown both of them with wine. Your sitting at your kitchen table, feeling a little more then a little crestfallen as you talk to your dog.

“You know what, if he doesn’t show, I cant even be mad. I mean I will be fucking pissed, don’t get me wrong. But mostly at myself. Because do people ever really change?” You speak to the lapdog as though he’s a human being. He was the smartest person you’d ever met you decide. He looks at you with unamused beady eyes.

“And I’ve always been so stu-”

The sound of the doorbell stops you in your tracks. You hop up from the chair and have to force yourself not to run to the door. Be cool. Be calm.

Told you so, your reasonable side shoots at you as you open the door.

Lance is standing there, in your door way. His lip is bloody and his right eye looks like its just starting to swell up.

“Lance?” You gasp.

“Hi baby” He holds up the expensive looking bottle of scotch he’d brought to 'the party’ “Sorry I’m late”

——————————————–

@huntressxtimelady @i-had-a-life-once @peacefulwriter88 @spookyscaryscully @zombiewerewolfqueen @adyseesbeauty @geekyweed @pegasusdragontiger @booklover2929 @ultrafangirl000 @acunningstargazer @curvybihufflepuff @la-meneur-louve @tatathekissypotato @iamwarrenspeace @the-loud-and-crazy-rabbit-pirate @aknerdchick @avinaris @yslbucky @sophiealiice @sebstanwassup @4theluvofall @wildefire @debbielovesbucky @peaceloveancolor @effielumiere @ballerinafairyprincess @zofty15 @feelmyroarrrr @plumfondler @theplumclub79

Okay…don’t hate me. I had planned on making this chapter the one. The glorious smut filled one. But then I was like lemme’ hit them with some angst and I ended up with this. THE SMUT IS COMING. LET ME REPEATE. THE SMUT IS COMING NEXT CHAPTER. I’ll see you hookers then! Leave me some love, I love on you guys comments.

[abloomntime]

A Bloom In Time Ch7

The darkness of the cold building seemed to be finally getting to the fused together ghosts and the reality of being able to feel human things again began to settle in as the two suddenly realized how cold they were and began soon after shivering and rubbing their sides up and down with their still pretty jello feeling arms. It was a bit easier to move now but still not easy. I mean it's been over a thousand years after all, how were they supposed to get human movements down bout twenty to forty minutes after becoming alive again. Speaking of everyone being alive at the moment- With Thor and his pal's help, the two were able to dragged the very unconscious Vanessa into the bathroom and with the old but heavy duty lock Hattie had from a previously locked door, they were able to lock her in good, but JUST to be on the safe side(insistence from Moonjumper over and over. The guy was PETRIFIED of her which was well understandable) the giant pale red armchair from down the hall was moved and placed against the locked door as well to help keep it closed. It took Thor, Mr Timothy, and a mafia man to move the heavy wooden thing so there was little chance Vanessa in her current form would be able to get out easily. Not soon long after that the once-frozen-Subconite followed his bosses orders and with the giant group of men behind him, while still holding the none struggling Rough Patch, began leading the group away from them towards the second floor stairs. Snatcher re-yelling the rules behind them. 

"Remember to follow his EVERY instruction! Stay OUT of the swamp because if you all die on the way there I CANT save you, and when you get to my home stay OUT of my things until I get there!! And you be careful with Rough Patch! Not a single leaf on his head hurt!! The long way isn't easy! And I DO NOT EVER want to see any of you in my forest again or else I'll let you freeze again!!" "OH!! Give our throat a rest already will you now?"

The still grumpy child sat on the floor away from the two who was still weakly rubbing their sides and examining each piece of glass carefully before putting it back down or attaching it back onto the shard. She decided to start with the biggest piece and carefully put the thing magically back together somehow, but paused and looked up at the retreating group...then up at them with a confused look. "There's a long way around to get here?"

"Well of course!", Snatcher's voice said annoyed, "You think everyone could've made that jump over the cold, slippery bridge like you did without falling to their doom? Some of those bumbling fools must've found the way around. How else did ya think my minions could get over here to remind you of the agreement you signed about not using hats? Float across?"

....She shrugged. "I dunno. You float all the time and they're dead like you."

"Ouch, Kid! That hurts!" "Uh! Beg pardon," Moonjumper politely asked before pointing to the still broken time piece, "But how long pretell do you think that'll take to fix, Dear?"

"It usually takes three hours if I hurry."

"THREE HOURS?! OH! YOU GOTTA BE PECKING ME?!" "SNATCHER SHUSH!!" Moonjumper turned their head to the baracated bathroom door where silence still rang through. "The VERY last thing we need you doing is waking her up! Won't that be fun you loud mouthed owl! And PLEASE stop using the P word in front of the child!" Snatcher grumbled but didn't say anything else as they continued to rub at their sides.

But Hattie noticed and pointed it out as she stuck a finger in their direction. "Why are you rubbing your sides like that?" She blinked. "Are you guys cold? I thought ghosts couldn't get cold?"

"Well, Sweetie. You're not wrong, but if you haven't noticed, your bumbling jack-o-lanturn friend and I aren't ghosts at the moment. So we can very much feel the cold right now. And quite frankly, I do not like it at all." They shivered. "T-T-Too many memories."

Hattie wordlessly didn't argue with that at all. She didn't like being cold and remembering Vanessa chase her throughout the house, but suddenly an idea came to her. One that made her put the slightly bigger down now and stand up, both ghosts looking at her confused as she tugged on their arm and pointed at a door close to them. "There's a bed in there! You can cover up in the blankets while you wait."

"A-A-And be where Vanessa SLEEPS?! Good heavens NO!!" "I think for once I agree with Moonshine over here. That is the VERY last thing I want to do right now. I think I'd rather take my chances with the cold again."

Hattie gave them a flat 'I'm too young for this stuff' look. "Oh come on! You really wanna freeze to death?....Again."

"Is laying on the cold floor an option?"

"No!" She marched on over to them and grabbed onto their arm, tugged them forward and them falling over onto their hands and knees with a yelp from Snatcher. "I'm doing all the hard work now! The least you can do is stay warm and do ONE thing for me! PLEASE!!"

....Snatcher sighed. "Kid. Even if I did, I doubt either of us can walk over there in this state."

"Then crawl!"

"Crawl? Like a drunken idiot? HA! I'd look ridiculous!"

"PLEASE!!" She made those puppy dog eyes at them and Snatcher knew immediately that Moonjumper already melted at the cute sight and gave in thanks to their currently shared brain, but he grumbled under his breath as he plainly stared at her sad eyes. "Pretty please, Dad." AH! Pulling his weakness.

"OH!....ALRIGHT!! But not a SINGLE word about this to anyone! You hear me? Or it's triple grounding time for you!...That goes for you too moonboy! Not a word about this to anyone ever!"

There was no complaints about that from Moonjumper so very clumsily and slowly, the two slowly started pace to the door on jello arms and knees. Wobbling so badly with every movement Snatcher was sure they would fall flat on their faces. ....And they did. Hattie had to use her foot and move away the glass shards carefully as they attempted to wobble-crawl around the pile and towards the bedroom do- THUMP!! Their left arm wobbly gave out which left the two smacking their face to the ground making the poor girl jump and have to grab her hat before it fell off. Before bounding over to them as  Snatcher cursed more 'peck' under his breath and very weakly and wobbly pushed them back up into crawling position. HE. PECKING. HATED. THIS!! So, so much already.  Gritting his teeth and muttering versions of 'peck' over and over under his breath, the two somehow managed to fall, wobbly crawl, and get a headache all the way to the door with Hattie beside them in case they fell over again. She opened the door for them into the bedroom and they froze...Well, Moonjumper froze upon seeing their old shared bedroom where they and Vanessa once inhabited. Memories flashed through their shared mind of her again and Snatcher growled and shook their head. 

"Moonboy. I am NOT in the mood for a trip down memory lane right now especially with HER! And I am certainly NOT gonna stay right here on the cold floor just to hit my head again!"

Moonjumper didn't say anything and Snatcher took full control of their shared body and forced them to wobbly crawl forward as Hattie followed behind once they made their way past the door giving her plenty of room to hop in watching as Snatcher crawled them over to the red bed a few feet from the door. Red musty wall paper lined the walls with the red color themed bed, and a lot of furniture to match. A wardrobe stood by the bed and past that was a vanity, writing desk, chest, small dresser with a candle holder on it, and a long table with a worn tablecloth on it. The floor was always creaky, and it creaked all the way when they crawled into the room and over to the bed. The only light offered in the room was the few candles by the bed and on the wall that lit up with magical fire, enough light to see at least, but also enough to see the various claw marks scratched into the old walls staining the wallpaper with it's creepy aura. Moonjumper was still not responding or communicating through their shared head but SNatcher could still feel the petrified fear coming off of him and he was starting to find it annoying. Forcing them back onto their knees, Snatcher reached over and grabbed onto the foot of the bed.....before forcibly trying to get onto their feet. If it weren't for the fact that the two ghosts were forced like this and had no experience being human for over a thousand years, it might've made her laugh trying to see an adult stand up like a bird with new legs, but right now she was more concerned about the two falling over. With their noodle legs Snatcher violently wobbled and gripped the sheets tightly messing them up, and forcing most of their body onto the bed minus their legs. Hattie had to walk over  and help, it was too painful and awkward to watch after a while, and grabbed their legs, one by one pushing them up to lay on the beg with them. Eventually making it where they were laying on their stomach with their head at the foot of the bed on top of the disleved old, musty sheets. .......They sneezed from the dust and snatcher once again forced them up to their knees on the bed. Grumbling from the dust before forcing them around and wobble crawling up the bed until he carefully maneuvered themself around and forced their knees out from under them to sit properly with their legs over the side of the bed near the small drawer with the lit candles. Still cold but it was a five star hotel compared to laying onthe hard wood floor.

"There! All better?,'' Hattie asked walking around the bed and smiling back up at them.

"Yeah, Kiddo. Better than the dum floor at least. But I still think you should get back there and rebuild that thing as fast I can. I'd rather live out this punishment then get back to not living it out, if you get what I mean."

She pouted. "Hey! Don't forget it's your fault you purple dummy!"

"Trust me. I know!!....*sigh*" He reached up to rub their face and groaned. "Can you just...finish fixing it and reverse this please? I promise I'll make it up to you, just help me please, Kid!"

Hattie tilted her head at him, "Anything?"

"Yes. But could you at least grab me a book from the mini library downstairs?"..He looked thoughtful for a moment thinking. "....Grab me the one with the title called The Sparrow and The Knight if it's still there. I haven't read that in years."

The child sighed and turned around. "Ok. I'll be right back! But you still OWE me big time!!"

"Yes, yes." He waved her off after her, "Just go."

He sat their and watched as she ran out the doorway, her fast footsteps making the floor creak loudly as she ran away and he stared at the door until those fast and creaking footsteps faded away. He could hear Moonjumper hope she didn't wake Vanessa with her loud footsteps but the only noise now was the wind and occasional lightning strike outside. He usually liked the silence of his home so he could read on hours on end or think of new contracts or traps to be made. But his forest and swamp usually had the chirping of frogs or the chitter chatter of his ghostly subjects in the background for that, or the giggles of little children. But right now he would gladly rather have the kids bug him for eternity than sit here in this dead silence with wind and lightning. Maybe it was just the many worries Moonjumper was thinking right now, or the fact he was vulnerable in this form, or the fact Vanessa was literally a hallway and room away. Locked up and unconscious, but still a few yards away. Or maybe it was all three, but he was starting to get tired of it really quick waiting for the kid to come back with the book he requested. Snatcher huffed and turned their eyes around the old room drinking in the details of the room, guess things didn't change much. Except for the claw marks and the ruined painting on the wall over there. Eventually his eyes glazed over the furniture near him including the writing desk with old yellowed paper on it, the old chest, and the lit candles with a book right next to I-......Snatcher blinked their eyes at the small green book. It was a very dull green with light tears here and there and even tho it was VERY faded, the dull black word 'Diary' was engraved on the cover with very pretty cursive writing......A....Diary?? In Vanessa's room? Wow. It didn't take too long to figure out who it probably belonged too. ....But all of a sudden his mind got a curious idea-

"D-D-Don't do it." Snatcher jumped at the sudden voice of the fearful Moonjumper finally managing to force itself through and scowled. "Look Moonboy. There isn't anyone here to stop us from looking and after all we've been through you can't say we don't at least have the right to 'invade on her privacy' after all the 'invading' she did to YOU!!....I mean me!...Us? AH!! I MEAN we can't get any kind of revenge on her now so Im taking what I can get! And if ol' blondie gets upset and throws a tantrum over her 'pwecious diary' being read, them Im not going to give into that pecking tantrum and coddle her like she always guilted us into!" ......"I-I still don't know. I d-don't think I want to see any thoughts she had."  "EVEN if it means we'll get some power over a situation she laid out for once and get the teeniest revenge on her? If she also never knows it'll be better cuz we'd get to get away with it! Not that we wouldn't anyways." Moonjumper remained silent thinking over what Snatcher said carefully before sighing. "Alright. B-But that doesn't mean Im going to like it." "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!"

 Snatcher smiled evilly on their face and reached their wobbly arms out and grabbed the book......if it could even be called that!! The Book cover was obviously made for a thick book. A thousand pages at least, but it was barely filled with pages when he opened it, giving a confused frown and raised brow. What the-.... Only about two or three pages were in tact, very yellowed with chicken scratch writing like a dizzy blind person wrote the few faded words he saw. There was ends of many other pages where they were obviously ripped out and done away with, but that didn't stop his annoyance. Vanessa had a diary with three pages left minimum and ruined an entirely good book! Wasted potential and paper!! And just when he thought she couldn't get crazier!! Rolling their eyes, he latched onto the faded chicken scratch to see if he could make heads or tales of the horrible writing. He noticed on the bottom corner of the page was the very faded letter 13. Huh...So this must've been page 13 of the diary then. Alright. Let's see what nonsense Vanessa wrote.

"Why? What have I done wrong? In his letters he talks about her. A 'tutor'. He says he loves me. But SHE sees him. I get letters, and SHE gets his time. He is MINE. Once his studies are finished I will have him back. "

.........Both ghosts stared blankly at the what was scratched down and processed it in their heads. Snatcher catching onto the real meaning behind it rather quickly and almost dropped the book onto the floor in shocked. .....L-Letters??...His studies??..A TUTOR?! HOLY PECK!!! THIS WAS WRITTEN WHILE HE LEFT FOR A FULL YEAR OF LAW STUDIES!! Moonjumper was somewhere between confused and panicked in their mind but Snatcher reread the page to make sure he was reading it right, and looked around the other half of the page and turned it over, but the entire page was black except for those few sentences. But just by looking at those few lines he came to the hard conclusion that.......Vanessa...Was JEALOUS!! Of his old tutor....A lady that was old enough to be his great grandmother( at the time he was alive) and who had taught his father before him....VANESSA WAS JEALOUS OF A LITTLE OLD LADY THAT HAD ZERO CHANCE WITH HIM. And her referring to him in 'He is MINE.' just added to the whole creepy vibe he always had with her, dead or alive. Moonjumper made them shudder in disgust while Snatcher growled and flipped it over to the next page. Like before the entire page was wasted and left unused except for a few random chicken scratches in the middle and this time the faded number was 48. Page 48.

" Dear Diary, Today my prince left to begin his studies. He will be so far away, and for so long. He has promised to write. He won't forget me, will he? His beloved princess."

........Wait. What?

This.....This wasn't even written in the right order of events!! He left for his studies BEFORE he sent her any letters!! Which he always regretted, and wished he HAD forgotten her, and KNEW she was NEVER his let alone a 'beloved princess'. Snatcher only continued to grow more irritated and snarled at the book in his hands before flipping to the last in tact page in seemed with the faded number 73. 

"He is coming back. Just one weekend. A short holiday, from HER. I will convince him to stay. I CANNOT let my love leave Again. Sounds a little melodramatic. "

Yeah...He remembered that. One week holiday before going back to his studies, their anniversary week too. Spent all his pons on a bracelet he used to trade for flowers .....from.....Snatcher actually growled. Guess he was still able to use THAT ghostly ability. And once again the 'HER' was a woman who he always saw as his GRANDMOTHER in a way!! If she read his letters truly she would've known that!! And not letting him leave? HA!! Guess what?! He DID and was now king of everything in their kingdoms!!  A LITTLE MELDRAMATIC!? REALLY?! SHE HAD ONE SMALL BIT OF SENSE FOR A SECOND AND SHE SAYS IT WAS A LITTLE DRAMATIC?! SHE WAS CRAZY!! ABSOLUTELU BONKERS!! MAD!! INSANE!! OFF HER ROCKER!! BANANAS!! WHAT EVER YOU CALL IT!!  She didn't even write the events in order. Page 48's events came BEFORE page 13's. Was she just flipping to a random page and crazily writing these down in no order?? He wouldn't be surprised if she did! Still hard scowling, Snatcher tossed the book away from him, but because their arm was still pretty weak it only landed two or three feet away with a soft thump as he glared daggers at it.

"Snatcher?" He jumped and turned around to see the little girl standing there in the doorway as she came in. Holding a small red cover book in her hands. She came around the bed and stopped glancing at the book on the floor before blinking and looking back up at them. "Were you reading the crazy lady's diary?"

"Yeah...Crazy is an understatement. More like peckin' owlpoop insane!!" "Again.. LANGUAGE!!" "Be quiet Moonshine!" He glanced back down to her hands and the book. "That's not the book I asked. It has a yellow cover."

She held it up to them anyways. "I couldn't find it so I got this one instead cuz I liked the moon pictures in it!"

Snatcher reached over and grabbed it from her. Glancing over the cover and reading 'Moon Phases and Star Constellations by Star S. Hine'. "....I suppose this would work just to wait a few hours." And It might help Moonboy calm down, he loved talking about the moon and stars like poetry. 

"Uh huh!" She once again looked down to the green book on the floor. ".....Were you really reading this?"

Snatcher opened the book to the first page but stopped and looked at her. "Yeah. But why does it matter?"

"Did you read the other pages yet?"

He blanked for a second. ".............There's MORE?!"

She nodded. "Ill go get them!'' Before either could protest she had already turned around and ran off. Through the door into the old nursery and after a moment they could hear the other door attached to the other side of nursery.............After a few more moments, the same door opened, and then the door attaching the nursery to Vanessa's bedroom reopened and Hattie ran back in but not to them. Instead she ran over to the writing desk and grabbed the two yellowed papers on it. Adding them randomly to her small pile of now five pieces of paper and running back up to them smiling before presenting them up to them. "Here! I made sure to grab them all! They were all over the place!"

They both just stared at her for a moment, before snatcher once again made them move and grabbed them from the small child. They all had the same chicken scratch writing like in the diary with random faded numbers near the bottom, and the sides were torn. So these must've been some of the random pages that were ripped from the diary, and like the rest, all had just a few sentences wasting the rest of the space the paper provided. Annoyed all over again he read what the first page said. 

"Im sorry about your hair, My Prince. I just wanted our lengths to match! ....and color...and curl ...you look wonderful! "

His....HIS HAIR!? He remembered that! He was taking a nap when he awoken to the feeling of something wet on his head, like he had just taken a shower. But instead woke to the sight of a mildly panicked Vanessa above him and a painful sensation to his head so he rushed to the bathroom to look in the mirror. Only to discover his lovely brown hair had been very sloppily died yellow with obvious patches of his natural color here and there, and the painful sensation was a couple of curlers too tightly rolled into random spots on his head. He took them out and got into the shower immediately to wash it out to no avail. Of course Vanessa when asked about it cried and said she only wanted to practice doing hairstyles. Like the idiot he was, he forgave her not a few seconds after. And it turned out he couldn't wash it out. He was to wear it off which left him looking ridiculous!! Embarrassing him in front of everyone including....... Well...That didn't matter anymore. He did NOT look 'wonderful'. Snatcher's eyes narrowed and flipped to the next random page.

"Mother had a bit of an accident last week, so today I got crowned as queen. Now the prince can't call me his princess! Life isn't fair!"

He remembered the old sick Queen very well. She was a stern and cranky old lady, but very nice and professional when you got to know her. She was a lot like Vanessa in ways but much MUCH better if you asked him. She loved discussing his interests with him and thought it was very responsible of him to want to study law. Even though he was never able to attend her funeral or really found out how she died, he really did miss the old coot sometimes. Sometimes he even wondered if she could've done anything to stop Vanessa if only he brought it up...Oh well. That past is past. But seriously!? Her only mother had passed and she was upset over the fact he couldn't call her 'princess' anymore?! The entitlement of this woman! If she just asked politely to be called that as a nickname he wouldn't have minded, but peck!! He missed his parents more than anything and she doesn't even write down anything expressing the same thing!! His annoyance grew as did the usually calm Moonjumper's as he turned to the next page. 

"Oh, I wish I could just keep him always! Locked up and in chains in the cellar! But you can't chain a man...can you?"

This-....

This actually made the two freeze up and for a moment a blank face fell upon them. .....Locks...Chains.....Celler.......That was....how he....they.....They never saw her agai- WAIT!! SHE HAD THIS IDEA IN MIND FROM THE VERY START!? THAT PECKING NO GOOD WITCH!! He swore he was gonna tear the papers from hold tight their hold became. Had she planned this?! And was only pushed over the edge of crazy with one little misunderstanding?! OOOOOOHHHH!! He wasn't sure when the last time he got THIS angry but Moonjumper forced him to look over at Hattie who currently was for some reason looking up at the ceiling with a curious look and he reluctantly stood down. No point getting mad over it now Moonjumper's thoughts were saying as they bounced around and instead of confronting him, Snatcher turned to the next page.

"My prince enjoys his breakfast far too much. I'm jealous of that darn bacon! No more bacon in this house!"

WHO. BANES. BACON. AND. GETS. JEALOUS. OVER. FOOD?!

Snatcher had about had it with all this terrible chicken scratch trip down terrible memory lane and flipped to the last page, wondering which event she wrote about on the last one. One of her tantrums? Or maybe him being 'unprincely'? But when he saw the fancy curvy cursive, he paused. .......This paper was yellowed like the rest of the others, but there was definitely NO chicken scratch to these neat and proper letters. Was this a page written before she went crazy and started squibbling nonsense? But...It was torn and shorter than the rest. Instead of there being any evidence of it being torn from the side, there was a tear right down the middle. As if it was never a part of a book at all-.......Realization suddenly dawned on him making their eyes go wide.

"M-...My letter," Moonjumper whispered out as they read over it.

"My Dearest Vanessa,  It has been many days since I saw you last, but it feels like months. My time at the Acadmey is hard, but I am progressing quickly. There is so much to study when it comes to law, but the library here is well-stocked. Our tutors are the finest in the land, and I am thankful for their help. I have been attending private study with one, an experienced practitioner of law by the name of Lady-"

.....The .....Their letter ended off with the tear. Not knowing what the world happened to the other half other than is had to have been torn by Vanessa. When he...When he began writing her letters, he wasn't very happy to be writing to her to be honest, but he was still loyal to her and put effort into being polite in them. Telling her all about his favorite law books, and the garden, and his old tutor he adored so much.....But did she just see the word lady and assume she was the new love of his life?! Not reading WHO she was and tearing the thing to shreads in pure jealousy and craziness!? They bothe scowled down at the remains of the letter they sent to her all those years ago, Hattie not paying attention. She had taken a few steps still staring at the ceiling curiously but turned around behind her when she heard tearing. They were tearing the letter......Well that's not true. Moonjumper was. But Snatcher made no move or thought to stop him. The other papers he just let float to the floor in random places as the letter was torn and shreaded into tiny little pieces before released to the floor in old yellowed paper snow. Hattie watched as it all fell to the floor before saying something.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because my dear..." Moonjumper looked at her. "That might've been the only part of me left behind in this cursed place. The last part of me Vanessa had....I wouldn't want her to have a hold of any part of me. She doesn't deserve it."

"Oh." She stared at them and the destroyed letter by all the papers for a moment before resuming her odd behavior of looking up at the ceiling which caught Snatcher's attention and he looked up to the plain dusty ceiling for a couple seconds as well. ....Before raising a brow back to her. 

"Kid. WHAT are you staring at? I know everything around her is pretty dead, but I think you could find another way to occupy your time. Like maybe gluing a magical hourglass back together. QUICKLY!"

She only continued to stare. "Don't you guys hear that?"

They looked up to the ceiling in silence. .....Nothing but the wind outside and occasional lightning- A small, weak creaking noise came from above them somewhere and Hattie pointed before looking at him like 'See! There it is!'. Making Snatcher roll his eyes and wave her off picking up their book again. 

"It's just the old house settling or the wind. I should know. Im an expert on old haunted houses."

......She looked back up to the ceiling with a hum. "I don't know. I never heard that before when I was here.''

"Probably because you were a little busy running away from blondie."

"But...What if it's someone who got frozen? They might need help."

"Kid. You've been to the third floor before and so have I. I've never seen any frozen people up there did you?"

"No....But Im going to go look anyways." She bounded to the door with them following her.

"Up there? By yourself?!

"I can handle it!" She pulled her trusty umbrella out of no where and twirled it around. "I beat you didn't I?"

His eyes narrowed. "Kid. That's not the point. One being you NEED to reverse this as soon as possible. And second because you don't know what's up there and Im useless like this." "S-Sweetheart. I agree with the grape noodle on this. Y-You could get into trouble!"

"I'll be fine! Besides, there's no ice people statues up there. And it'll just be a quick check. Don't be such a peckneck!"

"Wha- HEY!! IM NOT A PECKNECK!!"

The small girl giggled like a maniac before running out of the room where they couldn't follow even if they tried. Grumbling Snatcher turned them back to the book In their lap and picked it up, turning to the first page.

'Chapter One What are the Moon and Stars made Of?'

[colloquialcolors]

writing this specifically for future me to look back on: the update is! a BRAND NEW SHINY GAY RABBIT HOLE, LADS.

thats right i've fallen headfirst into wynonna earp. and after a record like NINE DAYS I'm just. oh wow.

im still in the peak(?) of the rabbit hole. is it a peak if its a hole? this its the equivalent of a mountain top but its me in the bottom of a rabbit hole just swimming in insta-serotonin from consuming wynonna earp content. either way right now im in the prime spot where my brain physically can't stop thinking about it but its fine because its just that Instant Happiness And Giddiness. what a TIMe what a time

anyway for timeline:

- (over the past few months) it trends multiple times on tumblr, i get a very blurry vaguely lesbian shaped understanding of whats happening

- (sometime last week) the finale trends, i get a little too invested in the tags, learn peoples names, watch a few clips. lesbians good.

- the clips transition to youtube clips

- whoopsfucki'veemotionallyprojectedontoonecharacter,ohfuckwhoopsnowanotherone,ohfuckohgodohfuck

- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (maybe i should actually watch the show?)

Anyway so for a short fun exciting list

- wynonna is the definition of a hot mess in every incarnation, if i could have dreamed up the perfect indulgent "sarcastic badass hot as fuck trainwreck who gets shit done anyway, i have deeply rooted issues and so much love for specific people and VERY bad coping mechanisms and clear self-sacrificing and self worth issues" character of my dreams and my writing and EVERYTHING it would be very her-shaped. i just. *holds wynonna* ur mine now.

- nicole has escaped the bulk of my aggressive absorption for now but its. on the edge. after the 18 month disappearance and she's just Barely holding it together and also the rough upbringing and that deeeep desire 2 protecc people and oh boy

-and then waverly

- okay listen

- in sequence:

-> oh? this character is Literal sunshine in a human and the broody one and the other one are both deeply bone deep protective and love her. ANd shes a ? lesbiab? nice. n i ce.

-> OH? character has some DEEP rooted issues and the sunshiney is PART of that? its RELATED? to how? bright and cheerful she tries to be? difficult past? various insecurities including but not limited to self worth and abandonment issues and a general desire to please other people that often lead to an overwhelming minimizing of self and the people she loves fight for her to learn to take that back? oh? ???????? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 [see reference: sys has an EXTREMELY specific track record around brunettes with sunshine smiles and bucketloads of problems and suppression/internalizing issues, what the FUCk this character feels like a targeted bullet]

-> AND YOU'RE FUCKING TELLING ME THEY ADDRESS THAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME THEY ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CHARACTER WITH THAT AND THEY ACTUALLY ADDRESS THAT? THEY HAVE IT COME UP THROUGHOUT AND THEY HAVE MORE THAN ONE PLOT POINT WHERE THE ENEMY IS A DEMON BUT THE MAIN THING BEING GRAPPLED IS ACTUALLY HER FIGHTING THE SENSATION OF WORTHLESSNESS AND PUSHING HER OWN FEELINGS ASIDE AND LEARNING TO ACCEPT LOVE

-> -> I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON

-> honestly on this subject i just. cant believe the things they ACTUALLY address on the show. like they genuinely bring up and confront and discuss wynonna's drinking and her fear of letting herself be happy and the way her self sacrificial tendencies hurt the people she loves. they don't just hint at or make jokes about the sunshine literal angel of a character having sad feelings that are suppressed they make it a FULL PLOT POINT with SERIOUS GRAVITAS with SUPPORTED AND GENUINE BUILDUP that she has to battle her demons FUCKING LITERALLY and then she gets support after from wynonna and nicole because she shouldn't have had to do that at all and they love her and like

-> what the FUCK is this what??

-> (also ? her coming out story being part and parcel with the first season arc of "she's finally learning to be happy with who she is/wants to be?" like?)

- and of course i can't stop without mentioning this:

-> THE FUCKING. SISTERLY, NON ROMANTIC BOND. oh my god. listen i do really love nicole and waverly and their relationship and the Love and Sacrifice and Growth but just LET ME

-> i cannot believe, i CANNOT BELIEVE, because the non romantic bond is GIVEN THE SAME LEVEL OF GRAVITAS AND SERIOUSNESS AND DRAMATICS AND EMOTIONS AS THE ROMANTIC ONES. Where they fight ot save each other and have talks while crying and hold each other tight after danger and fight for each other and? like? what thef uc k. they love each other so much and both of them have such different issues from their upbringing that hurt them equally but in such different ways

- where wynonna was labelled as crazy and apparently sent to juvie and various foster homes and ripped away from her sister and made to believe she would be better off without her bad influence around and just generally had to tough up real fast, and was dragged back anyway by a destiny she didn't want and is tough and sharp and would literally fucking die a million times over to save her sister who is so much better than she is and is a goddamn angel

- and waverly who was always an outcast in her own family for reasons she didn't understand, and then got left alone in a town full of people who didn't like her because of her fucked up family who made herself bright and brighter and more likeable and tried so hard to be good and special and be LOVED and has so many fucking goddamn issues about not being good enough and being overshadowed and being abandoned and hiding so much of who she is and how she's feeling. like.

- and. they love each other so much oh my god. their relationship and emotions are given the same level of importance as the romantic beats and sacrifices and i cannot fucking get over how amazing that is. so many storylines coming down to "i will actively fight this demon and all of hell to keep my sister safe fuck right off into the sun" intertwined with "i love this woman and i will kick your ass through your nose and possibly die and take curses on myself to save the woman i love, fuck right off into the sun". and christ, nicole and wynonna just get each other on a microscopic level because they both love waverly and thats all they really need to really Get each other (but also they have a great dynamic)

- im just losin it. its fine. its all good. i need to cut off this post now before it gets even more out of hand. oh god. this isn't even half of the yelling

- i can't believe both the actresses for nicole and waverly came out over the period of the show and dom specifically cited waverly's arc as the reason why she was able to do so like? LIKE? even before they both came out they were incredibly supportive of the community and then? ??

- its fine its fine its fine we're putting this post away now cmon.

- i hope future me is enjoying reading this. right on in your gay trainwreck face, future me.

[tumblunni]

HEYO! oh man now my friend helped me get all inspired again for working on my Cathedral Tower Defense game so WOO lets have another long post of miscellaneous ideasies for storyness! may not be very coherant tho cos i am super tired and ill! but happy!! THANKS SUMMON-DAZE FOR BEING MY ULTRA BESTIE

* Okay now I am super sure that I’m gonna let you choose the gender of the protagonist! And I wanna keep it so that their name is Amity either way, cos that’s kinda stuck in my mind. Surname Amity, player gets to decide the first name, but people will still be calling you Amity a lot at first cos you start off all awkward and formal with everybody. You’re a newcomer to this cathedral town and nobody knows whether to trust you, from their perspective you’re this dangerous person theyre forced to accept just because they need you to help protect them, whether you’re good or bad. They’re all worried what price they might have to pay for this, trying to figure out how to minimize the damage if you turn on them... and its not like they’re bad people for being untrustworthy, they’re just scared people huddling in a church and trying to keep their families safe at any cost. So try and prove your worth to them, and help them learn to protect themselves too, and make this ramshackle settlement into a real home! ....anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, gender selection is a good! And it could be relatively easy to impliment too, cos of the situation. Doesnt even necessarily have to be a menu or anything, it could just be like sir amity/lady amity/master amity. Cos you’re this paladin knighto, itd make sense for them to ask for your title. And it could just be like a shot of protagonist’s badass silhouette in the gateway of the cathedral and then you get the dialogue choice to pick your identity, and its all Super Cool~!

* It also actually gives me more of an idea of what i could do for their design, like I dunno maybe they have some sort of face-concealing helm or headdress or something. I was just thinking of them being dressed like a generic nun or princess but maybe emphasize more on the knight aspect instead of the holy part? So like anyway, maybe they have a very all-concealing outfit and that could be the framing of the first scene instead, its like *pulls off the mask and you’re into the character selection screen* Orrrrrr maybe there doesnt need to be any magical setup for a gender selection and it can just be a menu before the first scene starts XD Or maybe you have a cool face-concealing helmet thing anyway, like all three gender options just have a different one, lol

* More random magical names i got via the cool name generator site summon-daze linked to me! Dunno if I’ll actually use any of these but im writing them down here so i dont forget. Berebath, Betnia, Amurziz, Jetre, Miemahl, Semdach, Batxahl, Sidefarch, Botolohn, Vausach, Thammoch, Droibhal, Lekonach, Zeidhal, Tieloch, Rabrohm, Maesur, Smoiroch, Baelbuhr, Axoth, Jige, Chushou, Hukru, Nejeget, Roucu,  Jinah, Aujus, Yekoth, Nugresah, Israfel, Jabriel, Tabris, Douma

* Also I’m remembering Jade Cocoon and how I liked that the different ‘families’ of monsters shared naming traits. Like how all those weird snake/slug cutiepies that i loved best were nushab, rashab, etc etc. And tamatoch and somethingtoch and so on. I think there was at least one where the modifier was a prefix too? I dunno why i’m talking about this, but there you go. I just think if i wanna do full original made up names for demon species then i wanna make em stuff that just... feels like that. I dont actually wanna make like five different elements of each one tho, i wanna have only one per element and then they have like two different higher level finalized forms. Like, the human characters can have two job classes each and the demons can have two specializations within an element. That helps me think about how to limit it down to four or five elements, if we can combine common fantasy elements together! And yeah I was thinking it’d be cool if the demon ‘job classes’ could have their own evolving appearances and new names!

* Thoughts for the ol elemental groupings! The only one I really have finalized is grass + poison = same thing. Florin, why u always the character that gets developed faster than everyone else XD And I’m thinking giving them their own made up names would make it easier! Like how in SMT you have spells being stuff like ‘media’ and ‘agi’ instead of cure and fire. But here (hopefully) it’d be easier to memorize cos its just the element names that’re fantasy words, and the attacks themselves would be a little more self explanatory. i just think it’d work cos like... the idea i had of rock and fire being one single demon type, you could just call that magma. But i mean, what can you call plant + poison? Except.. like.. plant. Cos poison is reasonably often a grass type skill anyway. And i mean, game creators dont often worry about making sense, what with how ‘grass’ is the common element name when thats just one plant in a million. I cant stop thinking about that now I’ve noticed it! I legit thought grass was a synonym for plant when i was a kid, i learned to read from pokemon yellow... ANYWAY IM GETTING OFFTOPIC AGAIN The other idea I had for groupings was fire + non-elemental together? I was just thinking like... aura. Non elemental/physical attack as a ‘magic’ could be fighting spirit! And thematically speaking it tends to be shown as fire effects in anime, i guess XD But then i couldnt put fire with rock and that means I’d have to redesign malachi again. his design ended up looking more firey than rocky :P Another idea is maybe darkness + non-elemental together? like, interpret non-elemental as ‘void’. Or light and dark could be together actually, that could be an interesting way to do it, instead of having them opposing. Like maybe the elements could be colours! Grey element, able to specialize into white or black but neither is any sort of ‘good and evil’. And then the rest could be like green or like.. instead of red maybe fire could be bronze and thats why it has rock skills too? or man, maybe rock and metal could be one element and fire could be grouped with something else. And would water and ice be too ordinary and boring? do they already kinda count as one element? should I throw in something else? GAHHHHHHH

* Ideas for the multiple religious groups aligned with each element! I’m thinking I want one of them to interpret the setting’s absent god as two deities. like, every perspective on this deity is a wildly different character, this one is just even more so! they’d see malahat (tentative name) as two people, but kinda more like a shared soul that can manifest as either a male or female form. But there’d be ambiguity and debates in the mythos over whether this is actually a genderfluid god, or if its ‘twins who were cursed to never exist at the same time’, or various other variations on the story. I wanna make it like real life, where even within (for example) catholocism, there’s different sects and different translations of the same text. And where there’s predjudice against minority groups and people like to twist their faith to ‘justify’ it, even when parts of the original tale could easily justify treating those people with kindness too. So there’d be some followers of the twins religion who are very openminded to LGBTQ people, and historically anyone trans was able to hold a unique position as a priest, being treated as someone blessed by god. But like in norse mythology, this wasnt necessarily a sign that society was 100% okay with LGBTQ people. Its kinda depressing to read about how trans women and gay men were considered the only people able to become a specific kind of witches, but also how you kinda HAD to take this one safety net in society to stop people from making you an outcast. It was like ‘make them fear me so they dont fuckin kill me’. You had to become a medicine person and at least claim to believe in these magic powers, you had to be blessed by the gods to prove you were like.. one of the good ones. Otherwise its like youre saying the gods made a mistake when they made you, or youre choosing to be a deviant against nature. i can only imagine how terrifying it must have been if you believed in that religion and had to like.. be forced to go against it and leave society, or be forced to lie about being chosen by a god for a higher purpose, while believing that any moment you might get struck down for lying. And then I read in other history books about how the concept of homosexuality was far different in that old society too, how male-on-male sex was accepted at sea as long as you were the dominant one and you were forcing something unwanted onto a lesser shipmate as punishment. Like ugh, rape being more socially accepted than consensual LGBTQ relationships! I guess the only solace is that we can never be 100% sure how much of historians’s theories are correct and what might have changed in retellings of history, but honestly I can believe the past is this fucked up when the present is already fucked up in different ways. BUT ANYWAY I wanna explore those themes in my story maybe. And I wanna do more research into the subject to make sure I’m doing it justice, even though its a very sad subject that might be quite stressful. Maaaaan, I remember how I used to obsess about researching norse myth as a kid, it was one of my first Special Interests and I really wanted to see all the different reinterpretations of Loki and write my own fanfic/adaptation/vaguely inspired original story about What If He Stayed A Good Guy. Man I had soooo much sympathy for the poor sod. I mean it depends on the retelling whether he was always evil or whether he was like a comedic neutral ally to the gods who just abruptly becomes evil and gets killed off without remorse in the final story. And gahhh he’s like the biggest LGBTQ bastion in the whole mythos, and how can I not feel sympathetic?? When we get all these stories about him being a literal genderfluid shapeshifter and giving birth to half of his children and just like seriously its like The Story Of the One Trans Man In Homophobic Transphobic Valhalla and he was probably meant to seem Bad and Funny and whatever but im gonna sit here and grumpily cling onto the idea that he was deliberately written as trans, or that if these gods actually do exist out there somewhere then Loki would support me. *pout* I just have a lot of good memories of how this was like the first sign of me realizing my own gender, back when I first learned about Loki in school and then devoured every damn history book about the dude. And got in a million internet pissing matches about how innacurate the marvel version was XD Also it sucks that we like to believe that modern times are always 100% more enlightened in every way, yet its modern adaptations that always censor out the bits about him shifting gender identities and getting pregnant once. ... man this has gone offtopic too much, im really tired but seriously its funny how teenage bunni had NO CLUE they were nonbinary, no clue why they got so obsessed researching gender-defying mythological figures and historians who created gender neutral pronouns in the 1800s. i was so supernaturally oblivious, holy shit...

[computerguideworld-blog]

I fall asleep on my computer: six people on their relationship with the web

New Post has been published on https://computerguideto.com/must-see/i-fall-asleep-on-my-computer-six-people-on-their-relationship-with-the-web/

I fall asleep on my computer: six people on their relationship with the web

As a study shows many people feel unable to switch off from the internet, we ask our readers how much time a week they spend online

Do you spend too much time online? Its a question that may unearth some uncomfortable truths, and if you are worried about how much you use Facebook/Google et al, youre not alone.

The annual communications market report from media and telecoms regulator Ofcom looks at how people cope with spending so much time connected, and this year it found that more than a third of UK internet users are taking digital detox breaks from the web. It found an increasing amount of time we spend online is leading to lost sleep and less time spent with friends and family.

Six people talk about their relationship with the web, and whether they have the balance right. Share your thoughts below the line.

Cary, 61: My friendships have fallen apart and I am gaining weight by being in all the time

Time spent online: 10 to 12 hours a day

At first I used the internet just for responding to emails. Then for reading news online, shopping and chats. Forums were a totally new experience for me I remember finding it amazing that you could talk to someone through a computer. I have tried various discussion forums, even met with few people out of curiosity. I thought the web was so great because of such vast opportunities for meeting people from beyond my immediate circle, of learning from each other, and doing stuff together.

But that hasnt really happened. My friendships have fallen apart and I am gaining weight by being in all the time. The internet affects my ability to sleep too. My day is turned upside down I go to bed very late because I often get carried away reading something. Time flies when I am doing that! I imposed a regime on myself to do things at home but I drag my feet when it comes to going out.

Whatever I need is now on the web: I can do online banking, shop online and find recipes there too. Information is much easier to get, but I do miss that personal contact with people.

Jenny, 27, Kent: I use the internet at work and go straight online when I get home

Time spent online: 10 hours a day I grew up with the internet I remember the whirling beep-boop of dial-up. I use the internet at work, and go straight online when I get home. Im always logging into apps to play games or check my Facebook messages. I have mostly used the internet to stay connected, though, with friends from across the world. In my teens I used MSN to talk to people these days I go on Facebook and join online chats. Having said this, I can happily spend hours away from the net playing with friends, but the habit of checking for updates online is always there.

The internet has always been a way to stay connected for me. I have made amazing friends in the US and elsewhere. It has helped me feel connected, and talk to people about a variety of topics. Seeing a US perspective of the current elections online, for example, has been refreshing.

I dont feel like there are any drawbacks to the internet. I can go without it, but I dont ever feel the need to switch off. I often go camping and never think of my phone because Im with the friends. I suppose you might need some sort of balance but I dont feel like it negatively affects my life at all.

In the early 2000s, MSN was widely used for chatting online, via messages or webcams. Photograph: Alamy

Mel, 24, London: The internet has made my anxiety worse

Time spent online: one to five hours a day

Some days I trawl through the internet looking for inspiration or to help with my work, but over the long summer months this happens less. I started my BA just last year and a lot of my friends have already graduated, have exciting jobs and are generally having more fun (or so Instagram tells me).

Although I feel Im right where Im supposed to be, seeing their carefully curated lives as they appear on social media exacerbates my anxiety. The web is also very addictive. Ive now deleted social media apps and use the sites on my browser for a fraction of the time I used to, but I often feel rubbish after using them.

Ive battled with mental health issues for a long time. Even though at times of deep depression I actually found sites like Reddit strangely helpful, overall I think the internet has definitely made my anxiety worse.

Reddit was particularly helpful after coming out theres a huge queer community on Reddit and the kind of stories and advice there is really helpful.

But even though its made it easier to connect with others, the internet can also turn feelings my of unsettlement into a full-blown meltdown (whether its a post making me think a friend is avoiding me or Ive Googled my symptoms and think Im dying).

Having said that my partner and I wouldnt have met if it wasnt for the ultimate nerve-racking experience of online dating. I guess being shy and anxious and having no clue how to navigate life as a queer woman, it has allowed me to meet new people that I wouldnt have approached in real life.

Ive had to put a ban on phones when my partner and I spend quality time together because although Ive made an effort to use mine a lot less, she will be fiddling around online. I avoid looking at her Instagram and Facebook feeds sometimes. I get Fomo [fear of missing out] and read too much into things, I guess.

Mike, 67, Brittany: The internet lets us keep in touch with family and friends

Time spent online: two to five hours a day

Its made our relocation to France much easier and smoother. The internet lets us keep in touch with family and friends, even while theyre travelling and/or very busy. It also allows us to keep better informed and pursue personal interests and research.

Its a massive help in solving practical quotidian problems (DIY, health, transport, holidays etc). Im more positive about the net and spend more time online than my partner, but it rarely causes tension. We still talk to each other as much as we always did.

Im more positive about the net, and spend more time online than my partner, but it rarely causes tension. Photograph: Sarah Lee for the Guardian

I dont think it affects my ability to get jobs done either; if anything researching online helps me tackle jobs I might have been daunted by in the past.

JP, 65, Bristol: I am online during my first cup of coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner

Time spent online: eight to 10 hours a day

Before the arrival of internet I used to spend a lot of hours a week researching in the library, reading the news and also writing letters to friends and family so it was easy for me to migrate online. Actually, the internet made everything I enjoy much easier to do. I do, however, consider myself dependent on it, as I am online during my first cup of coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner (except when I go out to see friends). I usually fall asleep on my computer.

I doubt that it has benefited my life, as all the hours spent online could have been better spent outdoors. The web does, however, satisfy lots of my curiosities, and I can read an endless number of articles from around the world.

Dining al desko: do you eat your lunch by your computer? Photograph: Alamy

It would be hard to see the world without the internet, but I do think we all waste far too much time online. If the internet didnt exist, I would have spent the same amount of time reading, so I dont believe it really affects my relationships. Sometimes it can be a huge distraction, however. I often think, just 15 more minutes, 10 more minutes, and so on, as the hours go by.

Matthew, 30, Northamptonshire: I deleted my Facebook a few years ago and life has been better since

Time spent online: 12 hours a day

I have to use the internet as part of my job in IT support and obviously the web contributes to me earning a decent living so I cant be too negative about it.

Being online all day can get a little tiring at times, however, and about six years ago I deleted my Facebook and my life has been better without it. I have tried Twitter and Instagram too but have since deleted the accounts because I dont feel I need the gratification of a like or a retweet in my life. Sometimes I feel like Im missing out but then again some of the things online are really not beneficial to me or worth keeping up with.

From an educational perspective the internet has allowed me to expand my knowledge across a broad range of subjects. At the end of the day we all have a choice about what we consume online and its all about being sensible.

Due to my thirst for knowledge the internet sometimes does affect my sleep: I have been known to be on my phone until the early hours reading Wikipedia or watching YouTube videos. It could be worse I guess, I could be on Facebook trying to promote my perfect existence like the rest of them.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[dashinberlin]

First week

MONDAY 26 NOV Jan comes over again and we finalize details of what we want to do with the room. We get bikes and head to the hardware store about 20 minutes away which is next to Berghain. Jan tells me once he came here on a Friday night and the queue was by Hardware store. I couldn’t even see the kilometersish long road that it originated from nearby, let alone Berghain at the far end of it. fuck me. 

We have a really nice time walking around the hardware store. I spend 116 EUR on varnish and loads of bits of metal which are going to hold the whole thing in place when it finally goes up. There are lots of hot German guys in the shop. I giggle with Jan about the staff “man: hello there, i’m looking for some chain, LED strip lighting, and steel scaffold for a frame can you help m- ____ Staff: ffs yes, we do. the gay men building slings and dungeons area is over by aisle 12, all you need is there i promise, now go away.”

He buys me a coffee and we part ways about a third of the way home on bikes.  after getting home I pop into Blackstyle *finally*  which is about 4 minutes walk from my house. My man Bjorn is there and there is no one in the store. I think my story must be a little bit of a thing at that place because he fully knew I was coming!! He told me he had seen my 13 minute long video on facebook explaining my whole story of what I had been up to over the last year!  I was amazed cosnidering the guy isnt even on facebook and i dont have his number either. He even knew that I was living on Wicherstrasse which is actually closer than any other member of blackstyle staff!! We were pissing ourselves giggling at how exciting that is- i guess martin had told him (my primary contact there). He advised me on working there- now Blackstyle do not actually hire non german speaking members of staff, but he said basically can you make a portfolio of everything  you have made and some drawings of ideas you have had, and send that and your photography stuff to thomas and he’ll help you out with some kind of an interview. Exactly what position you’ll get i’m not sure, but we might be able to find something for you to fit in to.

Other Convos: He knows my friend Liam, and I told him about how under store conditions and regulation there was that sexy time where he couldnt get into jeans and they were super tight and i tried to hep and I just ended up sucking his dick! haha 

Pretty much I spent the rest of the evening hanging out with Alis. I really like her. I can tell we’re starting to form a close friendship.   spoke to Karyn a little over WhatsApp and showed her pictures of the weekend, she super loved them and we’re all so excited to have her back from her nuts south America traveling trip. I fear writing diary entries about her cos this is all far too qualitative as it is before adding me feeling and thoughts over Karyn and the conversations and adventures we are bound to have. 

TUESDAY 27 NOVEMBER 

(TODAY) CAN I Have a medal for writing all of that, please??!?! 

So this morning I get up and tidy up my room. And at about midday SIMULTANEOUSLY  Jan  w/ Timmon arrives with all the Timber AND  my removals van full of my shit from the UK arrives. The entrance of my building is FULL of wood and boxes ALL for MY room. and omg those stairs are a cunt on the best of days.  First, it was just me and Jan, while Timon parked the car, and then it was all three of us working on getting my shit up like 8 flights of big stairs. there are two flights that separate each floor and some of the wood and boxes were seriously fucking heavy. Over the course of the day, I think I climbed the stairs about 11 or 12 times (there were shopping trips included in there too)  and my legs are still killing from it, I'm so glad I have cycled so much over the last year or i may have died.  

There were three parts of the day, part 1 was getting all the shit in and starting construction. 

PART 2 was the BURGERAMPT!!  We cycled about ten minutes down the road to the Town Hall of Prenzlauer berg. We went into this old building covered in scaffolding to the burgerampt where we sat for about 15 minutes before being seen. I swear all the old buildings in Germany are massive, the cielings are all about 18 feet high. The meeting was with really sweet blonde woman, who as per my expectation, did not speak very good English, so I was immediately glad that I brought Jan with me to translate.  Everything went smoothly, the contact Karyn emailed me was all they needed and my passports. Jan translated everything, at one point the woman asked if I had a religion and I was like no.... aber Berghain ist mein Kirche! and she giggled. She also did a really nice bit at the end which I didn’t understand a word of, but basically, she gave me ein Herzlich Willkommen zu Deutschland. 

Part 3- basically we went back and continued to construct the fuck out of room. it’s looking immense now, I am so excited. It’s costing about double what I had planned to invest though and it’s not even near finished yet. there’s still the big desk and the photo studio part to do. The shelves and the first part of the frame for the folding bed are in though. Alis calmed me telling me I have enough to survive for like 5 months until I found a stable job. I was grateful to her for calming me down there. 

Just before Jan left around 5 or 6 we had a little bit of well-deserved play time. ;)  We had a kiss and a cuddle and then our shirts were off and he was on top of me with my arms stuck behind my back with his cock in my mouth. GRRRRRR. It finished with it being the other way around, I was on top of his chest, jerking off while he sucked my balls, and before I knew it I felt the warm spray of his jizz all up the welcome patch just above my ass crack. He must have been horny cos that was pretty far too shoot- I’m hovering just above his face remember!  So yeah that’s it for now. Other notes i need to add is that i’m trying to use all the German I have whenever I can and it’s proving useful here and there. I gave a sentence or two at the burgerampt to the woman and she full on spouted german at me as if I was fluent! :D ....aber vielleicht dass spichtst mehr uber sie dann uber mich.  I’m so glad i did lessons and studied all year. I don't have a lot but I have something, and it is FAR better than nothing. 

WEDNESDAY 28 NOVEMBER

Jan came around today and basically, we proceeded to almost complete building the whole of the bedframe and shelves in my room. I haven't been sleeping properly since moving so was a bit of a zombie. 

despite feeling dead, in the evening Jan persuaded me to head to Schoneberg for my first time since moving to Berlin. I was invited round to dinner with his bf beary Timmon, this sweet Canadian cub guy called Arjhan and this huge daddy called Malcolm and his partner ...who i cant remember the name of :p timmon made a three-course meal of thai flavorings.  Notable conversations included a gay bar called Schwartz, what Berlin was like after the wall came down (apparently there were food shortages for ages), and Brexit shit.  We went out to Prinzknecht after dinner where it’s happy hour on Wednesday. I had a bit of a moment outside the bar before going in, after all, Prinzknecht is pretty much where this all began 4 years ago. When I came in 2014 for Folsom and the place was PACKED OUT far into the street even, with LeatherMen from all over I was gobsmacked. I thought I was in wonderland. It’s amazing this city is finally my home.

 While I was there I made friends with a ginger Irish bloke called Keith who I talked to about various animes for ages. My tummy was feeling rough and I couldn't drink very much, it was icky, I was burping and farting loads. ufff. Anyway, we finished off the night at Woof! for one more drink before heading home. I’d been giving Daddy Malcome eyes all night and finally, he put his hands down my pants to my ass and revealed he wanted to fuck me. Ufff sadly that wasn’t the night for it though.  I went home on the U2 subway. I’m glad I have a direct line straight from my house to Schoneberg!

THURSDAY 29 NOVEMBER

In the morning me and Jan headed out to the local flohmarkt to find a beam for my bed (cos i accidentally put my foot through one the day before, eek!) and also a ladder to access the highest shelves of the thing. The flohmarkt was gigantic, I can't remember seeing anything like it in the UK and apparently, this wasn’t even a big one. They sold everything you could need for a house, from doors and beams and pots to fine furniture, and more glassware than I’ve ever seen in my life. There were rows and rows and high shelves of it outside all gathering dust. Jan and I both agreed it was a dangerous place cos you could very easily spend a lot of money on some nice things in there. We found a ladder and a beam and went home and finished the work.  With the shelves, complete Jan went home and I had a nap.

THE HOUSE OF RED DOORS [CONSULT SEPARATE POST]

FRIDAY 30TH NOVEMBER 2018 

Flo Left at about 1 and I got up about 3.30pm. I can't remember what happened this day so im guessing not much. I definitely needed to recover. My night before was so insane I think i was just telling everyone about that all day. II told Karyna nd Chaim about it and they were pleased.  I stayed up late sanding my room and went to bed about 1AM

SATURDAY 1ST DECEMBER 2018

Cleaned the flat with Alis in the morning for the first time. Got to Jan’s about midday to collect a coffee table from him and forgot all about looking for fabric at the Turkish market to cover all my storage with. Me Arjhan and Jan borrowed bikes and checked out the Market. It was great, all pretty self-explanatory, I got black, white and green curtain fabric for like 30EUR. Also bought a new frying pan, some olives and some lemons. When cycling home we rode past the dungeon that me and Michael had spent time in on the most amazng weekend of my life here in 2017, and then straight past Vikotria Luis Platz, which is also another sacred location for me. I had tears in my eyes for sure. my backpack opened the fuck up whle cycling in that moment and i had to move on from that moment. When we got back I enjoyed some tea at Jan’s. He’s leaving on Monday to head back to Amsterdam for the next few weeks. he’ll be back again in late December. I’ll have to varnish the room while he’s away.

Had a stressful time getting the table back on the Ubahn. 

Went out with Alis and Aldina this evening. We drove to a shisha bar out east and had a drink and a puff there before heading to Suss War Gestern nearby afterwards. Sweet was yesterday is a three floor club bar, filled with cigarette smoke.  It had a techno dancefloor with cool led ceiling light display, a chill top floor and a cheese fun floor in the basement which is where we all spent the whole night dancing on a bench on the side of the wall. I actually didn't have an amazing time for most of the night. There was this nineties raver DJ set that made me lose the will to live.  I went to get a drink and eat something and when I came back they had switched to eighties electro pop classic and I was like thank god, cos im about to detonate. it really cheered me up cos so many of those songs were on my Berlin soundtrack and were songs that helped me shape the vision of what I thought moving here would be like. Not 99 luft balloons though. That will emerge at the right point I know it.  Aldina and Alis continued on to Kater Blau at about 5am but I was dead and went home. Fucking Ost Kreuz has platforms coming out of platforms and I nearly fudged getting home. 

SUNDAY 2 NOVEMBER

The main event of today was the Leather Social in Schonberg. I’ve been to this once before when I was here in may visiting for Michael.  It’s a 6 floor flat and this time it was filled with about 20-30 sexy leathermen. Mickael had invited me and I had a really nice time. Mario who I had met at Qaulgeist in April was there and I had a sexy kiss with him and we agreed I need to see the inside of his playroom sometime soon. Oink! The man looks like a dirty sexy older piggy, you know he can do some remarkable things with his hands. the other cutie I got the recon of was a hot beary german skinhead called Stefan, and he’s into bondage and similar activities to me. I met a fashion photographer there called Alex [from birgmingham] and he was telling me about working for Zolando. He gave me his instagram and basically said to message him with any questions. There was this drunk idiot called Simon who wanted to be all dom toppy to me but ended up knocking over my fucking beer (i put the next one on his tab (asshole)) and also he half kicked over a coffee table while throwing me around. Uff I'm getting bored of drunk “dom tops” they just make a fucking mess.  Connected with my lovely mate David who was one of the leather friends I was really looking forward to reconnecting with when i got to Berlin. I also Spoke to the host of the party about photography and before i knew it I had a decent iPhone and was coralling people into groups to take photos for the social media. 

We all took a short walk to new action later and drunk some more. Prakash, the host said it was funny that i appeared to do photos because in the group meeting they had they were just deciding they needed a photographer to help advance the social. We spoke of magic, and i told the story of how my ex-overdosed at my leaving party and the real magic was that no one else was there to be traumatised or take his bullet. Towards the end of the night, I grabbed the bartender’s attention and said something like “I have just moved to Berlin, and I guess I have always wondered what it would be like to work in one of the leather bars here. soo are you looking for staff?” and he said basically yes, they are always looking for new people and you don't have to speak amazing german. 

[furiousharmonykryptonite-blog1]

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I am an 18 year-old independent, (due to marriage) diabetic. I can't get approved for health insurance because you have to be 19 and I won't be 19 for two months. I don't have enough medical supplies to last for two months or more. Medicaid denied me and none of the clinics in my area help with Type 1 diabetes. My parent's don't have health insurance at the moment, so they can't add me. I am not a full-time college student either. I work full-time, but the insurance through my work are too expensive. How can I get health insurance immediately?""

Does car insurance go down after you pay the car off?

Does car insurance go down after you pay the car off?

How much would my monthly insurance bill be (18yr old male)(i just want a ball park figure)??

When I turn 18 I am going to buy my first car (im 17 now). I can't decide which car I want to get. Please tell me about how much insurance will cost me for each one. I will be on my own policy. I will get my license just before Im 18. I live in California. My car choices are: 1. 2009 Nissan Versa Hatchback 1.8S 2. 2009 Honda Civic Sedan LX 3. 2009 Toyota Matrix S 4. 2009 Chevrolet Aveo Sedan LT

Cheapest auto insurance?

im shopping for auto insurance and i want to know which is the best and cheapest for a 18 year old driving a 1997 ford escort

What is some good dental insurance?

What is a good and affordable dental insurance?

Why are 26 year old adults allowed on their parents' health insurance plans under the new health care law?

I heard the president speak after the Supreme Court ruled on the health care law and one point he brought out was that parents could have their 26 year old child included on their health care plans. When I was 18 my father's insurance did not cover me any longer and by the time I was 26, I was paying for my own insurance. That seems awful old to still be under a parents' health insurance. A lot of 26 year old men and women are married and have children. Are they still to included on their parents' health plan because Obama did not make any stipulation to that aspect of the new law?""

Will the cost of my car insurance decrease if I have a provisonal license?

My friend told me this but I think it's rubbish.. I am 17 next week and he told me that if I get a provisional license now and get all my lessons done/pass my tests and get my full drivers license, then wait until I'm 20 to buy a car, the insurance would be cheaper than if I passed my tests when I am 20 and buy a car straight away. (assuming I use the same company/ deals) Is this true or is he charting ****?""

Car insurance?

i am 17 and have been driving about a year and a half i go to marine boot camp in july is there any way i can cancel my insurance and keep my license until i get done with all my training. Live in North Carolina

Cheapest car insurance for a 21 year old in nj?

what's the cheapest car insurance a 21 year old can have in the state of new jersey?

Adding someone to insurance?

If my insurance started on jan 2009-2010 and I add another person in few months will the insurance card still say form jan 2009 or will it be the date I added the person?

WHAT LIFE INSURANCE IS BETTER?

Should my husband get whole or term life insurance?

Impact of Auto Insurance Quotes on Credit History?

I am with Geico currently and is up for renewal. I am planning to take quotes from different companies. May be they offer me a low rate. But I am scared by the fact that it will impact my credit score. Can you please advice? I have been driving for 4.5 yrs with clean record.

Is california an affordable and nice place to live?

I live in ohio and I want to move to california to go to cal state in concord. I just need a little information from someone who lives there. Like is food and clothes expensive and is it expensive to buy furniture. I have already got the cost of a house and found some cheap ones. I just need to know how much money I will need. So can anyone help?

Best public health insurance plan in nyc?

I've been traveling after college and won't go back to school for another year. I've been volunteering only and haven't worked for over a year. I don't qualify for ...show more

Going on parents car insurance!?

Hi i am enquiring here, I have my driving test in 2 weeks 7th July, and i am looking around for cars and while i am getting quotes for car insurance they are quite dear at 19 even with a small engined car, i was wondering can i go on my parents insurance which i know can cut the cost quite a lot, but can i use my own car and add the car and me as the main driver of that car and it still stay relatively cheap? i have read up on the illegal action know as ''fronting'' and i want to avoid that happening but don't want to be forced onto my own insurance and be spending hundreds of pounds a month? any help or advice would be appreciated""

car insurance quotes ireland compare

car insurance quotes ireland compare

I have a financed car can I take my car out of circulation to stop paying insurance?

Ok, my car has been broken for like 5 or 6 months already. It hasn't been driven at all. Right now it has an expensive fix. I was waiting for my taxes to fix it but I had my identity stolen so I may not get my taxes until December, if even that soon. Anyways, long story short...it's an expensive fix, about $2000...which I don't have. I've been paying for both the car and the insurance every month with the car not even moving. I know I have to continue paying the car. I'm going to verify with my bank, but I'd prefer not to get them involved until I have some details. Is it possibly to take my car completely out of circulation by turning in the license plate and then stop paying insurance until I fix it? I assume theres no need to have insurance if the car doesn't have a tag so it can't be driven. I live in Florida, if that changes anything. Paying $280 for insurance and not driving the car makes me sick...its worse than paying the actual car and not driving it.""

What are best and/or most affordable insurance companies?

In Oregon. And does anyone know the minimum if I am 21 and have had one accident? For 1996 Ford Taurus car Thanks

Can I drive another car with my Geico insurance?

I just purchased my first insurance policy. My sister has Geico insurance and she can drive any car and anybody can drive her car. I'm wondering if I have the same privileges, or do I have to pay for them. My policy is about as basic as is legal in California so here's to hoping.""

How can I get insurance without a job?

I want to be a full time nanny but I won't be getting insurance. How can I get my own insurance?

Estimate on drivers insurance?

Hello, i'm 16 years old and about to get my licence any ideas on how much insurance would cost me? My family has Allstate and i can qualify for the good student discount.""

Teen car insurance question?

Everyone knows that if you get good grades your insurance costs are lowered. i live california just so you know i dont know if it matters. but if i got about a D average my first semester and B+ or an A average second semester will they look at that or average them together. also any other tips to lower insurance costs... thanks ahead of time.

Who offers the cheapest life insurance?

Who offers the cheapest life insurance?

""The police towed my car on my way to get my road tax, but had insurance?""

got insurance on my car but no road tax, just bought the car and have to change it from disable to normal driver but the police have towed my car way, can i get my car back?""

How much would Insurance be for a Porsche 924 in Britain?

Hey guys, I am going to be turning 21 this August and hope to pick up a porsche 924 up. Do you know roughly how much this would cost me in terms of insurance costs? Thanks in advance! -R""

Which company deals with indemnity title insurance for remortgaging?

I want to remortgage my property and have been given an offer by a lender, however I can't complete without indemnity title insurance. Norwich Union no longer does title insurance due to the credit crunch, is there anyone else who can help me?""

Need health insurance?

I need to get my own health insurance. Does anybody know of any insurance that just covers if stuff goes really wrong?

I hit my sisters car in the drive way. will my insurance go up?

When i was backing out she was really close and i hit here side with mine. i put a palm size dent in the car and i broke here mustangs lubber. will my insurance go up because of this? i herd that something like that it wont. it happened in my drive way. and my insurance comp is the General

What 7 seat cars have the lowest insurance group rating?

Looking for a new car for our expanding family and want to find something that's low on insurance. The lowest two I've found so far are the Fiat Doblo (Group 3) and the Nissan Cube (Group 4). Does anyone know of any other low insurance 7 seaters? Thank you! :)

""I need auto insurance, but do not know where to start. any help?""

I am planning to move out and am looking for a car, that part is easy. It is the insurance that I am worried about. I am wondering a few things. 1. What from of insurance will I need to be safe? 2. How much of my money will it kill? 3. What is the best decisions to make when doing this? I am currently 18 and have been driving for only a year with no accidents. I have to be able to afford rent, insurance, and groceries with a job paying 10 an hour at 25 to 35 hours a week(sometimes even less depending on work flow). I am a little worried as it seems impossible to do, and was wondering if there was insurance that does not cost $450+ a month? O.O Also, do I need to purchase the insurance before I purchase the car?""

What car insurance company has the cheapest coverage for drivers aged 18-25?

Chicago-land area companies would be best. Any insurance 100$ or less????

I'm 20 years old looking to purchase insurance?

I'm looking to purchase life, medical , and short term disability insurance I'm new to this so i need to know the basics what do i need to know before purchasing I'm only 20 years old also if you can leave some tips on what are some good affordable insurance companies i was thinking of purchasing short term disability through Aflec basically i need to know the basics what i should look for how much should i pay average a month please help thank you !""

Car insurance question?

hi, I'm currently 25 years old and will turn 26 on October, my question is will it be cheaper when i buy car insurance on october when i turn 26 or it will be the same from now? I lived in New York City. Thank you for your help""

If you have exceptionally cheap car insurance where do you get it?

I know a lot goes into calculating car insurance, not asking about that. Just want to know if you pay a really small amount for coverage, what that amount is and where you get it from. (Must cover cars in the U.S, though companies can be anywhere).""

How much would it cost to insure a late model 15 passenger van used in a shuttle service?

I'm in the Grand Canyon State. Do i get a better deal if i insure more than one unit ?

Am I allowed to do this with my car insurance?

I am 22 and am on my father's insurance policy. My rates started out as only 30 dollars and increased to 50 bucks. They said that the reason my rates increased was bc I was added as a driver of the vehicle. I was wondering, if I were to get my father to take my name off as a driver and just list him would my rates go back down. Also what would happen if i got into a car wreck and my name was not listed on the insurance. I am just trying to keep my insurance down as I am in college and cannot afford it if it keeps increasing. Thanks""

Should i sue my auto insurance company?

On the morning of Sept 14, 2011 my sister woke me up at home asking me where my car was. I went outside to discover my vehicle was gone. So I call the police to come and take a report but of course there wasn't enough officers on duty to send one out so I wake up my brother to get a ride to the station. Keep in mind this is between 2:30-5:00am and the last time I actually saw my car was Sept 13, 2011 at approx 11pm. I arrive at the police station where I make a report, they take down all the info and send me home with the report. Approx 1 hour later they call me and say my vehicle was recovered in a nearby city and they gave me the number to that police station. So I hurry to call them but of course they were closed until 8am. At 8am I call them they said bring my ID and insurance info to recover the vehicle. I go down there and ask questions but they told me they weren't allowed to disclose any information about who, what, were, or when the incident occurred because of confidentiality. They told me I would have to pay the towing and storage fee to recover my car from the impound. So I left and went to the impound paid $218.00 to discover that my vehicle had been totaled. So I had it towed to my house where I called the insurance company to report this. After I reported this incident they took a recorded statement and gave me a claim number. I waited for 2days for my adjuster to call me back and he never did. about 2 weeks later my adjuster calls and leaves me a message saying he needed another recorded statement and to call him back. I call back and got his voice mail. I spoke to one of his colleagues and they said they would send him and his manager a memo to call me back..well that never happened. 1 week after that I get a packet in the mail asking for my cell phone records, keys to the vehicle, and a notarized affidavit. I sent these things back and then a detective from the insurance company calls me and said there were red flags and he needed to get a video recorded statement. I agreed and went to give the statement. A few days later a detective from the police department where my car was recovered from calls me and tells me that my youngest son's father was with some friends at a nightclub were a drive-by shooting occurred and my son's father wasn't shot but the young man he was with was and as a result of them trying to escape the scene my car was crashed. As they arrived to the scene and asked questions about what happened my son's father would not admit he was driving the vehicle, and because they didn't actually see him driving or pull him over they could not prosecute. The detective asked me did I know anything about this incident and I replied hell no! The night of the incident my son's father had came to my house around 3am but never mentioned anything of course because he knows I would have tried to kill him. He also knows I would have been pissed because I never let him drive my car for the 3 years that I have known him, he has never had a license. She ask me was it ok to list him as a suspect and I told her Yes! I let her know that he did not have permission to drive my car under any circumstances. The very next day the detective from the insurance company called me and ask me what was my son's father name and what where the numbers that where called on my cell phone records. He asked why did he call me at 2:54am, I explained he wanted to let me know he was on his way over which wasn't out of the ordinary for him to do. So then the detective tells me my story stinks and I need to withdraw my claim because on my interview I didn't disclose that my boyfriend had come to my house. I told him why did I need to disclose who was sleeping in my bed if it had nothing to do with my car. I mean we know now he had something to do with it but I didn't know then. He told me the police detective also had the keys to my car which was a lie. It clearly states on the impound record that they had no keys. Not to mention the car has broken locks and loose wires I guess he didn't read that part of the report. He also told me I was trying to cover for my son's dad to get the car covered. I told him he could arrest him for GTA for all I care. My car was stolen and no matter who stole it I'm the victim and of course I want my car covered. He then said he was denying the claim and sending the case to the Department of Insurance to see if fraud was committed. Im beyond frustrated because I have nothing to do with what my son's dad did. Should I sue?""

""How much will insurance be on a bmw 5 series 3 litre 17 year old, SECOND DRIVER!?""

im looking on how much it would be for my father to make me his second driver so I could also drive his car, it is a bmw 5 series 3 litre, im 17 year olds I have only just passed my test, please no stupid remarks/commentx""

Does anyone know the estimated cost for a FULL physical w/o insurance?

does anyone know the estimated cost for a full physical (that detects cancers, run pee tests etc.) for someone with no insurance? Are there any programs or places that will give the low income a more affordable price? In the California area.""

Need help with a question about car insurance quotes.?

Is it legal for someone else to get an insurance quote for you without your permission? The person called and told the insurance company they were cars he was thinking of buying. Neither car is in his name and neither owner gave express permission for him to ask for this information.

Auto Insurance help?

My parents have 3 cars, and I'm getting my drivers license soon. when I called the insurance company, they said that I must be registered as a primary driver instead of occasional driver on one of the 3 cars (which makes the insurance cost a lot more). Is that true or are they bsing?""

car insurance quotes ireland compare

car insurance quotes ireland compare

What is the best low cost health insurance for a small business owner with no employees?

I have two daughters, one fifteen years old in high school and the other is 21 and a college student. I am a 49 year old woman and in fair health. My husband is a Vietnam vet in fair health as well and will be eligible for medicare this year, so he will not need this insurance.""

No insurance ticket in jeffco ?

What are the penalties for a no proof of insurance ticket?

Car shopping???? and auto insurance?

I am planning to buy a car before school starts again.. I was shopping on craigslist.com and some cars are cheap and sound too good to be true. like this one: http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/car/741877685.html but should i go for it anyway?? should i hire a mechanic to check the car out? if so where can i find one and how much would one cost? will my insurance be expensive?, (im under 18)""

Honda CBR 600 insurance...should i get collision?

I just bought a 1995 CBR F3. My first bike I got last year was a klr250, rode it since last summer all year (no car for me), even rode in the snow for the hell of it. For the KLR250, my insurance was 200 a year all minimum with only like 500 for comprehensive. For the CBR, my insurance im looking at is going to be 200 a year without anything, only the minimum liability. I like the fact of how cheap it is, but even though I have great experience with motorcycling, should I just go ahead and get bare minimum insurance? Bike cost me 1800 dollars, awesome condition. valves all good, just putting in a manual CCT this week. Its cheaper than the KLR (i got it for 2k), but i dont know why im feeling i need so much more coverage this time. Maybe cause the bike is CLEAAAAN. What yall think?""

Best car insurance for 17 year old?!?

Hi, I have just passed my driving test. I am a 17 year old male living in a stable suburb. My mum owns a 2002 Mini Cooper and my dad has just ordered a new Audi A7. Obviously I cannot drive the Audi when it comes haha. I am looking to drive the Mini. What is the cheapest insurance company to be a NAMED DRIVER on my mum's car insurance. THIS IS NOT FRONTING. I will hardly drive, my mum uses the car most/all of the time. I have got very high quotes and the best yet is 2000 from Admiral. Any other suggestions please?""

Which car is cheaper to insure?

2003 mitsubitchi eclipse or 2005 ford taurus? the eclipse has a 4 cylinder and the taurus has a V6. Both Automatic. Eclipse is older but Taurus is probably safer. Eclipse is smaller. Tauruses have more problems than eclipse. Which would be cheaper on insurance overall?

How long do car accidents affect my insurance rates?

I have heard that accidents and tickets will affect car insurance rates for five years. I was in an accident four years ago, that was determined to be my fault. Now, my (old) ...show more""

Is a car dealership allowed to let you drive off the lot with liability insurance?

I am in quite a situation, I financed a 2004 Ford Mustang 40th Anniversary Edition car from a local car dealership in South Carolina. When I got my loan they told me my payment would be 261.00, I told them I wasn't familiar with what sort of insurance I needed and they offered to set it up for me. They called Geico and then told me my insurance would be 150 a month, I got out a pen and added 261 and 150 and decided to get the car because it fit into my budget. 4-5 months later I get a letter from the bank telling me I have the wrong insurance and I need full coverage which will cost me about 520 a month instead of 150. I can't afford that insurance and the lowest quote I can get is for 380 which is still to much. My question is, is this a matter I could get a lawyer and sue over? My credit is completely destroyed now because I can't afford the car / insurance so I can't just trade it in and get a new car financed. I also have no one to co-sign for me. 10pts to most helpful ans.""

Will car insurance cover a moped accident?

I was rear ended by a moped. The rider forgot to hit the brakes and nailed the back of my car. She broke my tail light and there's scrapes on my bumper and quarter panel. The rider didn't have insurance on her moped but has liability car insurance for her car. Her insurance company is refusing to pay for my damages, stating her moped is not insured, therefore they're not covering any damages. What should I do? I got a quote for $380 to fix my car.""

Does your insurance go up after getting a speeding ticket?

I live in BC. Does your insurance go up after getting a ticket? (specifically a speeding ticket)

Need help to find a car with cheap insurance?

Ok so im nearly 17 and i live in the uk so will be taking my driving test soon. I want a car that isnt to expensive to run and cheap insurance as insurance is really high at the moment an the car cant be to expensive either as i dont have a lot of money the most money i would be willing to be pay is about 2500 and cheapest insurance please!

When taking out car insurance. Is it really worth protecting no claims bonus or not?

I have heard that if your no claims is protected and you have an accident (which is not your fault) your insurance still goes up. Is this true?

Anybody know of any car insurance co's that will give auto insurance policies to 17 year olds??

I have a 17 yr old that has already gotten 2 tickets so I want him off my policy - as he is making it too expensive for me to afford - I told him he needs to get his own insurance. I already called my insurance and tried taking him off my policy (as I took away his driving privelages) but they told me I HAVE TO keep him on my policy even if he doesn't drive - He has a license and has to be covered under my policy because he lives with me - so I can't take him off til he gets his own insurance. My problem - most co's will not issue a policy to anyone under 18 (PS - we live in New Jersey)

Cheapest car Insurance companies for younger drivers?

Does anyone know any car insurance companies in UK that are cheapest for first time young drivers. Im a 21 year old male and will be putting my parent as the second driver to reduce it. Im not asking for cheap car insurance, I know that doesnt exist. But Im just asking for cheaper insurance companies because some of them are asking for ridiculous prices like 6,7 grand. I only want a second hand Fiat Punto, please help I cant afford this its just too much. Thank you.""

Can somebody explain what term insurance means?

if you get term insurance for 10 years, can you get your money after 10 yearrs even if you didn't diie?""

Do i have to notify my car insurance company?

do i have to notify my insurance company, if someone hits me from behind and their insurance is covering the damages""

Why bother with insurance?

it seems like a big waste to me. The whole point of it is to save money. But it does the exact opposite. the insurance people always screw you over and find some way to get out of paying for whatever it is!

Could any Teens with sports cars tell me how much there insurance in under there parents name?

Can u tell me the Cost of your insurance and the car u have to help me get an idea of how much a Teen boys sports car would cost when it comes to insurance? Oh and does anyone know if the 177hp solstice would have lower insurance then the 350Z?

Question on car insurance and modifications?

If I want to just lower my car, will my standrad insurance cover it or will I need to go to a specialist insurer.""

Motorcycle insurance ?

I'm 17 now im ganna be 18 in a year i i like 2 plan ahead i live in Florida and i want 2 get a 2008 ninja 250r and i want 2 know how much the average payment a month im running into so yea please and thank u

Will Hillary Clinton universal health care program force all Americans to pay for health insurance?

How will those who are unemployed pay for health insurance under her plan?

Car insurance help please!?

What would the difference be in car insurance for a new Ford ka, Toyota Agyo and a Toyota Yaris. All of these costing about 8,000/9,000, with two drivers who have about 40 years of driving and one person who is learning to drive but it will be used mainly by them once they have passed their test. Car being kept on a street and being used for personal use not business. Also any opinions on the above cars, and figures if you can on what the cost of insurance would be will help a lot so thanks in advance! Many websites havent had the new ka listed on them so i cant compare.""

When asked for your insurance in a car that's not yours..?

Just recently I took a vacation down to Galveston, and on my way back I got a speeding ticket in Ennis. Thing is, I was in my boyfriends mom's car and I didn't have my insurance. So I gave him the insurance for the car that I am not covered on. So my question is, is her insurance effected because of me? and When taking defensive driving should I put my insurance down for getting the ticket off my record?""

INSURANCE !!! any 17 years old insured ??

hi i wanna know any 17 year olds insured by themselves on wat car, how much they are paing and which insurer plz""

Cheap car insurance for first time drivers ?

what is the cheapest car insurance company for first time drivers ? Age:23

car insurance quotes ireland compare

car insurance quotes ireland compare

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