#i continue cutting myself to pieces for people who dont give a shit about me outside of what i do for them

[feralthembo]

The thing people dont know is they can get rid of me by telling me they dont want me around ever again. Its as good if not better than blocking.

[machinegunbun]

UnConventional Bakers [Pete]

Requested? no

word count? 1.7k

TW? None

A/n: it’s like 80% dialogue bc it’s supposed to be a tv show. whadder ya gonna do

The props department did a wonderful job this season, comedy inspired props sprinkled about the set. Mic stands ended in lollipops, rice krispy stools covered in modeling chocolate, Comedians stood at every station, patiently awaiting directions. 

Conventional Bakers was finally ready for shooting its first season. It was a show about famous people coming together on a baking show and competing. It would have everyone from singers to actors or, in this case, comedians. Every season would be inspired by the careers of the people competing.

“On this season of UnConventional Bakers we are joined by,” the camera took turns panning to each comedian as you said their name. 

“Kevin Hart, Pete Davidson, Adam Sandler and…” you paused for dramatic effect “Fluffy!!!”

The comedians protest coming fast after 

Why’d he get all the excitement?” Adam asks

“Yeah, i’m literally your fiance what the fuck.” Pete adds, laughing “I don’t like that, i don’t like that shit. I got my eye on you Gabriel.”

“Don’t hate me cause I'm beautiful.” Fluffy replies

“Bakers! Comedians, whatever,” you call out, trying to regain their attention, Pete playfully mumbled but returned his attention “if you want a chance at winning you will have to pay attention.”

“Got it, go. No wait… yeah okay, go.” Adam interrupts, causing you to bite back a smile. This would be a long shoot

“For tonight's challenge, you’re in for a treat. Because it’s only the first round, we’ll take it easy on you and allow teams.” muted murmurs fell over the room as they decided who would be on whose team, “Tonight we will be making the one thing a comedian couldn’t live without.” Your co-star, Nicole Byers, continues.

“Weed.” Pete guesses,

“No, their audience.”

“Oh, speak for yourself.” 

“You will be making your very own audience cupcakes. When we say go you will head to your baking stations where you will find step by step instructions on how to make your audience, along with photo references and the clock will begin counting down.” You say

“Go, go, go! What are you waiting for?!” Nicole rushes, you take your seat as they make their way to the respective stations. The teams ended up being Pete and Kevin, Gabe and Adam.

Things were going pretty smoothly, the comedians racing back and forth from the ingredients to their stations as things began starting up. As you look around, you see Pete and Kevin looking confused as they stare at the instructions.

“Something wrong, sweety?” you ask

“No, all good over here. Thanks for asking.” Gabe pipes up, you laugh and make your way over to Pete

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I shouldn’t have dropped out of college.”

“How come? What's wrong?”

“I need ⅔   a cup, but there’s not a ⅔  measurement cup.” he says

“Well, if you need ⅔  but there's not one, you just take two--” 

“Don’t patronize me. I got it.” Kevin cuts you off in the middle of explaining, grabbing two handfuls of flour and throwing it in the mixer “There, that should work.” 

You sigh, making your way over to the other stations to check on how everyone else was doing. Adam was doing well, which wasn’t a surprise considering he’s a father and probably does some baking at home.

“Gabe, how are you doing?” 

“Not good, I’m used to eating cake and not making it.”

“Oh hush, you’re doing fine!” You encourage, leaning forward to whisper to him “Kevin just measured flour with his hands, so I think you’ll be okay.”

“Guys, I think they’re talking about you.” Adam yells

“Yeah, I know.” Pete laughs.

“That's okay, cause you know what? Haters gonna hate.” Kevin yells

After making your rounds you sat back down, turning to face a laughing Nicole.

“That wasn’t sugar, that was salt.” She barely squeaks out “They’re gonna be so gross” you nod and laugh along, all but excited for the dishes that would soon be in front of you.

“On that note, can we get some water?” You call out to the team behind you

“And a medic?” Nicole adds

“And a mathematician. You understand this shit?” Pete says

“What? Basic measurements? Yeah baby, I do.” 

Before you knew it the timer had gone off and the cupcakes were sat in front of you. 

“So, these are what your audience were supposed to look like, and this is what they do look like.” Nicole says, vaguely gesturing to the cupcakes

“We- we uh, we took some creative liberties.” Pete says through a laugh

“Well, let’s see what it tastes like.” you say, grabbing one from the crowd and cheersing it with Nicole’s

“Might as well get this over with.” she says, making a clink noise with her mouth, as she does there's another noise too. The rock hard exteriors made a clunk noise. Your jaw dropped as you made eye contact with Nicole, not believing what had just happened

“Wait.” you say, grabbing another and throwing it at the ground with all the force you could muster. It cracked directly in half, crumbs flying across the floor.

“Pete!” you yell, an amused smile painted across your face. Pete laughs, covering his face 

“I have no idea what happened.”he says, picking up the cupcake from the floor

“This is my passion, how did you fuck up this hard?!”

“I have no fucking idea.” he laughs, crumbling it up in his hand.

“I guess we still have to taste it.” you say, grabbing another and cracking a piece off on the table, handing one to Nicole. When you bite down there's an audible crunch that makes everyone in the room wince. You can’t help the expression that overcomes your face as the taste hits your tongue, looking over to Nicole to confirm it wasn’t just you. It wasn’t.

You attempt to open your water, your hand slipping again and again until Pete walks over and opens it for you, feeding you the water as he apologizes through his laughter. It took you a minute of held back gags to recompose yourself, but when you finally did you said,

“Your BLEEP is sweeter than this.” You say, deeply preferring it over the burnt, salty, crunchy thing in front of you.

“Really?” Pete asks, laughing and when you nod your head it only makes him laugh harder.

“Pete, you fucked up Pete.” Kevin says. 

“Dont throw this on him, you’re the one who wouldn’t listen.” You say, looking over to Nicole who had resorted to licking the icing off the cupcake

“Look at what you’ve done to this poor lady. You should be ashamed. It’s gotta be a zero from me” You laugh, more than ready to move on.

“You know what, the icing wasn’t bad,” They began to fight over who had made the icing. “I don’t care, just promise to never do that again. Adam, Gabe, before I take a bite you have to promise me it won’t be like that.” Nicole says, dead serious. They shake their head, letting out little reassurances while choking down their laughter. You take a deep breath before lifting the cupcake to your mouth and taking a small test bite, surely traumatized. 

To your delight, it was actually very good. You smiled and nodded, taking another bite as Kevin and Pete groaned, knowing they’d surely lost.

“I feel like theirs was so bad we can’t even celebrate.” Adam says.

“Yeah, i don’t think we need to add insult to injury by announcing the winners of this round. On to the next?!” You cheer, preparing to announce what would come next.

“For your next challenge, we will be making cupriphon- cupcakeriphones- Okay, the name hasn’t been completely sorted out yet, cupcake microphones!” You announce

“Yes! And because we felt bad for the loser, that’s just in the script so i had to say it, i don’t actually feel bad for you that was disgusting. Because we felt bad for the loser, we decided to give them a leg up. If you look at the stations, two of them have buttons. They’re called the happy heckler buttons and when you press them a timer will be set and either Y/N or myself will go yell encouragement to your teammates until it goes off.” Nicole says

“Awhh, so sweet. Ready? Set? Go!” You yell, watching them scatter to try to find a station.

“Ay, stay back this is mine.” Fluffy says to Adam, haphazardly wielding a knife, momentarily fighting over a station before Nicole reminds them the timer is counting down. They take a look at their ingredients before rushing over to the storage space and grabbing what they need.

You’d managed to get to the decorating stage with little to no issues when you hear Kevin yelling, “Pete! I need your help, I need those long legs pete.” straining to grab something from the top shelf

“Hold on, one second.” He says, glancing back momentarily as he tried to finish decorating.

“Oh shit, you’re already decorating?” Kevin asks as Pete hands him what he needed before walking back to his station.

“Yeah, catch up.” Pete says

“Okay, i’ll catch up, if that's what you want.” Kevin says, slamming his button down in a melodramatic act of sabotage.

Nicole yells in excitement, ready for some action, running over to distract Pete.

“You dick! I thought we were friends.” he says, slamming his own button. You run over, making sure to get in Kevins face as you encourage him, giving him slaps on the back and shaking his shoulders. Things had gotten very chaotic, very fast.

When the four minutes were over you left Kevin’s station for Pete’s, hanging out with him as his cupcakes cooked in the oven. He was bent over in a hug with you, small kisses being pressed to each others lips.

“Doing so good baby.” you mumble, fingers tangled in his hair. Usually you didn’t like PDA, but you had made an exception today because it had been a long shoot and you missed him.

“Way better than last time.” He confirms, remembering last time they had burnt and opting to check the oven.

“Look at that! This aint fair, Pete’s sleepin with the judges!” Kevin yells, making everyone laugh

“You could be too, Kevin.” Nicole winks

“Nicole, you’re both married.” You remind them

“Hey, that's show business baby.” Kevin jokes

When it all came to an end, Adam ended up winning and it was a surprise.. To no one. He was the only one even kind of equipped to win and he rode that all the way to the finish line.

[sunarintoes]

Synopsis: Yn Ln is an environmentalist - Miyagi University’s very own campus ‘Green Thumb.’ One day Hinata Shōyō - who happens to be a close friend of Yn, invites them to come to one of his races. The only problem is that this race of his is… illegal. Follow the journey of Yn who has been sucked into the world of illegal street racing with one goal: to create an eco friendly race car!

WC: 1.1K

Pairings: Oikawa x reader, Iwaizumi x reader, Kiyoko x reader (not poly)

masterlist

My Dear Friend

‘Oi Shittykawa! Stop spacing out, we’re about to go in an important race.’ Oikawa stays still and refuses to acknowledge Iwaizumi’s presence. Iwaizumi sighs, ‘dont race. Your head hasn’t been in it the past month, it's too risky to race in the streets when you don't have a clear mind.’

‘Im fine-’

‘No youre not! You haven't improved one bit over the last month, you're more cunning than usual and to top it off you've been sleeping with every girl and guy that’s thrown themselves at you. You're going to get an STD if you're not careful.’

‘I don't need you looking out for me like I'm some trouble prone child.’

Iwaizumi clenches his fists. ‘I'm your best friend you piece of shit! That's exactly what I'm supposed to do!’ he shouts, headbutting Oikawa. ‘Don't you understand- what's wrong! We promised each other not to keep secrets!’

‘I'm not keeping secrets per se.’

‘But you're hiding something.’

Oikawa and Iwaizumi stop and stare at each other, ‘it has something to do with Yn doesn't it?’

‘No!’ He begins but is interrupted by a coughing fit, ‘sorry, choked on some spit.’

Iwaizumi sighs and sits down next to Oikawa, ‘a month ago I spent the day with Yn before they rushed off somewhere in a panic. You didn't come back to the apartment until one in the morning or so and you were piss drunk. You had two girls with you as well. Since then Yn hasn’t spent much time with me - not that they really did beforehand but at least before they did not avoid me. Doesn't help that they’re back with her ex.’

Oikawa’s eyes widened at this, ‘back with their ex?’

‘Yeah. It hurts man.’

‘Oh… I'm sorry.’ 

‘Don't be, not your fault. I guess the timing just wasn't right.’

‘You're going to give up just like that?’

‘I guess.’

‘That lame.’

‘You’re lame.’

‘Not as lame as you, coward.’

Iwaizumi tackles Oikawa to the ground, ‘what am I supposed to do? Ruin her relationship?’

‘Yes! Well no, but don't give up. She seemed pretty hesitant to get back with her ex- I’m sorry Iwa, this is my fault.’

Iwaizumi pauses and sits back up, realising that Oikawa is being serious for once in his life. ‘How do you know that, what makes you sorry?’

Oikawa takes a deep breath in and out. ‘Yn and I are- were strangers before I cut it off and we discussed things between us while still remaining somewhat emotionally distant-’ he pauses, ‘to put it simply, they caught me in the middle of a breakdown and they consoled me and took me out for a drink. Non alcoholic of course. That night we made a deal to become strangers with benefits - we confide in each other and spend time with each other without being friends or falling in love and all that,’ not that that really worked Oikawa muses in his head.

‘So you and Yn are friends?’

‘No, we never were and never will be. We were strangers. Hence the use of past tense Iwa-pooh.’

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, ‘so you were strangers that acted like friends. What happened?’

Oikawa looks down and hugs his knees closer, ‘it's my fault, she came late to our meet up and I got angry, I… I had so many feelings bottled up and I took my anger out on her and it's too late to repair it and I’m a horrible person Iwa. Oh my god, I really am a bad person. What am I doing here? I- I need to leave, I’m toxic to this environment, I’m toxic to you Iwa-’

‘Stop it. Oikawa you're human! Humans make mistakes. You just made a mistake but you can fix it if you explain and apologise. I know how much you're suffering and I've never understood why you can't just tell me about your problems,’ he shifts to a softer tone, ‘but at least you're learning now, well done bud.’ He pats Oikawa on the back. ‘I’m proud of you, you’re finally telling me what's on your mind - like what best friends do.’

There are so many questions Iwaizumi has for him but he knows Oikawa is too fragile at the moment and he doesn't want to scare him off so he stays silent, offering support through the soothing motion of his hand rubbing in circles along Oikawa’s back.

When Oikawa calms down, Iwaizumi still continues to rub his back. ‘I'm not crying anymore, you don't have to do this,’ but one look at Iwaizumi tells Oikawa he is no longer doing this to comfort him, but to comfort himself. 

Iwaizumi has tears gathered at the corner of his eyes and appears to be doing everything to keep them contained.

‘Iwa-pooh,’ Oikawa sighs as he brings his own arm up to repeat the rubbing motion on his friend’s back. ‘You know it's not good to bottle up your emotions. It's your turn to be vulnerable now. Come on, let it out… there, there, it will all be better soon.’

‘I'm just... worried for you and heartbroken I guess.’

‘My my, what a lovely friend you are. No point worrying about me, I'm an adult. I can handle things myself.’

‘No you can't, you're immature.’

‘Lalalalala~ I can't hear you!’

‘This is exactly what I mean!’

‘Listen up Iwa-pooh, let's get your date back.’

‘I've already told you they’re back with her ex, idiot.’

‘Oh yeah I heard but I don't care. Let's break them up-’

‘No! Oikawa you shitty bastard we’re not doing that.’

‘Tch, why not?’

Iwaizumi sighs, ‘because we're not bad people. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.’

‘Fine, I guess I'll just get her back as my friend then.’

‘So you admit it? You are friends-’

‘No! No! No! A hundred times no! That was a mistake I didn't mean to say. Besides looking at the time, the race is going to start in ten or so. See ya!’

[strangerthingsharrington]

Can’t Fight This Feeling

-22-

The three of us sat in silence for the most part. Too afraid to talk because of the realization hitting us that the monster was closing in on the group at Starcourt.

The pain in my body began to catch up with me. Every inch of me was in pain, but especially my neck and arm. I looked down at my arm and the saw the deep purple bruise. I stared at it, wishing for it to go away. Wishing for me to wake up from this insane nightmare.

But if this nightmare hadn’t happened...then I would still look at Steve as the douchy king Steve version I had built up in my head for so long. And I was so happy and relieved to know that wasn’t the real him. At least not anymore.

“It’s gonna heal,” Dustin said.

I looked over at my brother, seeing him looking down at my bruise as well, “What? This?” I asked, moving my arm slightly.

He nodded and looked at me, “I know,” I told him, “doesn’t make it suck any less.”

He sighed, “I’m...Lou I’m really sorry for getting you involved in this.”

I shrugged lightly as I brought my knees up to my chest, “I would have been more upset to be left out...again. I’d rather be involved and know and help keep everyone safe, then just be sitting at home not knowing how much danger everyone was in.”

He kept his eyes on me for a few more seconds before looking away, to the tree line near Starcourt.

“I never told you anything to keep you safe,” Dustin began, “if something happened to me-I mean that obviously wouldn’t be good, but at least mom would still have someone,” he told me as his eyes began to tear, “dad just-he left her and us. And it sucks. It really does,” he said with a sniffle.

“By keeping you out of the loop, I was-ya know...trying to make sure that mom didn’t lose absolutely everyone in her life. I wanted to keep you safe and make sure that if something happened,” he stopped and looked to me with tears ready to overflow, “then at least you’d be okay and still here with mom so she wouldn’t be alone.”

My cheeks were damp with my own tears and I shook my head, “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that, Dust. I appreciate you looking out for me, and I’m here now...and I will do anything to keep you safe. Anything.”

“I know, I just wish this shit wasn’t life or death,” he shrugged.

I grinned at him and wiped my cheeks, “We’re in this together, Dustin. All of us,” I added, looking over to Erica who had been watching us silently, “we’re gonna be good,” I promised.

Erica nodded once to me and looked away, not before a tear slipped down her face.

“Bald eagle has landed!” the panting voice of Murray Bauman came through Cerebro, “repay. Bald eagle has landed.”

I breathed out a laugh and looked to my brother who was grinning as well, “Holy shit, it’s gonna work,” Erica said, with a surprised edge to her voice.

“Come on,” Hop growled through the radio, “how much longer?”

“I dont know, I’ve never done this before!” Murray responded harshly.

The three of us again sat in silence waiting for Murray or Hop to give us the good news that they had gotten the keys. The sooner they got the keys, the sooner this would be over, then we could make sure everyone was okay.

I was hoping that Steve and a Robin had made it to the mall alright and nothing had happened to them while driving.

My heart rate started picking up just thinking about something bad happening to them or to anyone. It was like Dustin said. It really was life and death here unfortunately.

“Get ready lovebirds, you’re almost up to bat!” Bauman announced.

I felt the adrenaline begin picking back up in me. I stood up and walked the few steps to the edge of the hill and looked towards Starcourt. The lights were still flashing like crazy.

I started pacing back and forth waiting for something, anything to come over the radio.

“Lou, come back and sit, your legs are probably killing!” Dustin told me.

I shook my head, “I’m fine,” I insisted since I truly couldn’t feel the pain in my body anymore.

“Lou sit back down!” Erica called.

I shook my head, “I can’t, I’ll sit when we know Mrs. Byers and Hop got the keys.”

“Murray?” Hop questioned aggressively, “Your goddamn code is wrong.”

“What? Are you sure?” Murray responded.

“Yeah im sure,” Hop responded back.

“Well-I suppose it could be wrong...”

“How could it be wrong?” Hop shouted.

“The code is a number! A famous number. Planck’s constant. I -I thought I knew it,” Murray explained, tripping over his words.

“Shit,” I whispered to myself continuing to pace back and forth, “shit, shit, shit, shit.”

“Lou, you do know Planck’s constant?” Dustin called to me.

I looked back to the mall then back to him quickly, “No, I -I used to but not anymore.”

I looked back to the mall, as if I was expecting to see Steve and Robin arriving in one piece. I couldn’t focus on anything without knowing they were okay. I should’ve gone with him.

I knew in my heart that Dustin and Erica would be okay. I knew it and still believed it.

“What are you doing?” Erica asked loudly.

I looked back at the two of them and heard the static of the radio channels as Dustin moved through them.

“What are you doing, Dust?” I asked, taking a step towards them.

He looked up at me, “Trying to get the number for Hop!”

His hand stopped moving the radio knob as he settled on a different channel, he brought the microphone up to his lips, “Suzie do you copy?”

Suzie.

I walked over to them and dropped to my knees next to Dustin.

“Will she know it?” I asked him.

He looked to my with a grin and nodded, “She is one of the smartest people I know...if anyone knows it off by heart it’s her.”

“Suzie, you do copy?” he repeated.

“This is Suzie! I copy!” a sweet voice came through the radio, a pleasant change from Hopper and his angry tone all the time.

“Suzie!” Dustin said happily.

“Dusty-bun?” she questioned.

“Dusty-bun?” Erica repeated, disgusted.

“Where have you been?” Suzie asked my brother.

Dustin closed his eyes, “I’m so so sorry. I’ve-I’ve been really busy...uh, trying to save the world from Russians and monsters.”

Suzie giggled on the other end, “Of course you have!”

“Get the goddamn number!” Erica scolded loudly.

“Who was that?” Suzie asked, sounding worried about hearing another girl on my brothers end of the radio.

Dustin looked over to Erica angrily, “It was-huh I don’t know actually. I think it was just interference,” he said almost questioningly looking over to me.

I nodded and motioned with my hand to keep going.

“So why don’t we huh...change frequency to fourteen point one five eight?” he suggested.

“Copy that, changing frequency. Standby!” Suzie responded eagerly.

Dustin changed the radio to the frequency he told Suzie and sat back waiting for to talk to him again.

He looked at me quickly, “Everyone else is on this one...then they’ll be able to get Plancks constant right from her,” he explained.

I nodded, “Nice,” I said approvingly.

I looked over to Erica and she looked irritated beyond belief. She looked at me and raised her eye brow, motioning between Dustin and the radio. I shook my head, and brought a finger to my lips to make sure she knew to keep quiet.

I loved her sass, but we needed this number to save everyone. And the only way to get it was through Suzie.

“Dusty-bun, you copy?” her voice cut through the static.

“I copy Suzie-poo,” he smiled.

At that I’ll admit I almost lost it and started laughing. But I composed myself and calmed down.

“It sounds so much better now, thanks,” he told her, he cleared his throat, “Okay so listen, do you know Planck’s constant?” he asked cutting right to the chase.

“Do you know the earth orbits the sun?” she asked back as Dustin chuckled with a head nod.

“Okay so I know it starts with two sixes and then a...what is it?”

“Okay let me just be clear on this,” she began, “I haven’t heard from you in a week and now you want a mathematical equation that you should know so you can...save the world?”

I grimaced. I couldn’t help but agree with her. If Steve...or anyone hadn’t talked to me for a week then called me randomly for a reason like this...I’d be a little upset too.

“Suzie-poo, I promise I will make it up to you as soon as possible,” he pleaded.

“You can make it up to me now?” she suggested.

My brow furrowed as I looked to my brother who looked alarmed.

“What?” he questioned.

“I want to hear it,” she said.

“Not right now,” he said immediately looking to me.

“Yes now Dusty-bun!”

“Suzie-poo, this is urgent-“

“Yes, yes,” she cut him off, “you’re saving the world I got that the first time. But Ged is also saving Earthsea and he’s about to confront the shadow, so this is Suzie signing off.”

My eyes widened and I smacked my brother roughly on the shoulder motioning to the microphone, “Wait wait wait!” he called into the microphone, giving me a dirty look, “Okay! Okay!”

He took his finger off the button and looked ahead, “Shit,” he murmured.

I rolled by eyes at his attitude. What in the actual world could she be asking him to do that would make him hesitate getting the number that would unlock the key that would finally close this gate?

“Turn around, look at what you see,” my eyes widened and I looked to him unable to form any words.

He looked to me quickly before looking away awkwardly, “In her face, the mirror of your dream.”

Erica and I made eye contact behind Dustin’s back and the shear...dismay on her face was unmistakeable. She really did look utterly disgusted with what was happening.

Dustin was singing the theme for The Neverending Story. Over a radio. To his girlfriend in a different state.

I was more confused than anything.

“Make believe I'm everywhere, given in the light. Written on the pages is, the answer to our never ending story, ah. Reach the stars, fly a fantasy. Dream a dream. And what you see will be. Rhymes that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds. And there upon a rainbow is the answer to our never ending story, ah. Story, ah.”

Dustin had a smile on his face at the conclusion of their surprising musical number. I had my eyes trained on him the whole time absolutely perplexed at what was happening.

“Plancks constant is six point six two six zero seven zero zero four,” Suzie said over the radio, much to my relief.

I smiled and looked to Dustin who was grinning while looking ahead, “You just saved the world,” he explained.

“Gosh I missed you Dusty-bun,” she sighed happily to him.

“I missed you more, Suzie-poo,” Dustin cooed to her.

“I miss you more multiplied by all the stars in our galaxy.”

“No I miss you more-“

“Enough,” Erica demanded shutting down their radio connection and cutting off Dustin mid sentence.

“So rude, Erica!” Dustin snapped.

She scoffed, “Well sorry that I don’t want to hear the two of you dorks talking all stupid to each other!”

“I’m sorry you’ve never been in love before!”

“I’m ten you dork, I don’t care about that shit! I care about not puking while you’re making googly eyes at a radio!”

“Both of you, enough!” I said as I stood up, “Can we just appreciate that they got the keys and this shit could be over any time now?”

I walked back to the spot where I could see the mall. The lights weren’t flickering anymore.

“Guys!” I called, smiling, “The mall-the lights are back to normal!”

They were at my sides immediately and I felt a sense of relief wash over me. Maybe El managed to kill the monster before they closed the gate? Either way knowing they were, hopefully, safe was a relief.

“How much longer?” Erica wondered.

I shrugged, “Who’s to say? Hopefully soon.”

“I knew El could do it,” Dustin said quietly.

I turned to him and smirked, “Now back to the Neverending Story singalong.”

He rolled his eyes, “Look it’s our little-little thing we do! We both love the movie and-and it’s just...our thing!”

I was already laughing as he explained himself, “Come on, Lou,” he stressed, “we got the number didn’t we? Doesn’t that count for something?”

“Oh it’ll count for something once you see the party again,” I laughed.

“Um. Guys?” Erica questioned.

I looked back at her as my laughter subsided, “Yeah?”

She didn’t turn her head to look at me, just stuck her arm out and pointed her finger.

I looked back out over the trees back to Starcourt. The lights...they were flickering even worse if that was possible.

My stomach dropped and my chest tightened. The monster was still there. Still going after them. And I wasn’t there to help.

——

Title credit to REO Speedwagon and gif credit to owner

Tag list : @queenofthehairharrington

[edwardslostalchemy]

the thing that kills me about bakugou is when the plf go "having a powerful quirk means i'm better than you"and basically advocate for eugenics, it's horrible and corrupt, but when bakugou does it, it's lol funny and 'oh that gremlin.' in a recent chapter he made fun of the past OFA holders for having 'weak' quirks and dying and he said these things in front of Toshi, who has himself given so much. just...what was the point of him knowing about OFA if he was just going to be a disrespectful ass?

I have no idea why it was necessary for him to know, tbh. I think it was a waste of an opportunity to give him growth by NOT telling him. And honestly, I agree that k*tsuki and the plf have similar ideals because they’re elitists. :/ They think they’re better than others. Unironically, the lov wanting k*tsuki on their side would have been like, them all sharing this same thought. Idk, I just don’t like him. The things he says and does are played off as comedic relief now and it’s honestly so annoying. He needs to be brought down from his pedestal. 

(I have multiple messages so I am putting them all in one post under a read more, I hope it works, but if somehow it doesn’t, I’m really sorry. My computer says it works, but mobile doesn’t show it. This will be a long post.)

Anonymous said:

You know... I wouldn’t mind Bakugou winning vs Ochako so much if his blast had simply redirected enough rubble for him to make it though the pelting, and the fight had ended with an actual visible inflicted injury on his part, like a cut on his face, that stuck around for the rest of the tournament. Make the close call have more concrete, visible consequences for him then his arms aching a bit.

I agree with this completely. That thing about his arms aching doesn’t show much of the consequences at all. And he gets over it rather quickly. I hate that he has so much plot armor.

Anonymous said:

Ngl i dont ship Todo/deku (dont really ship Izuku with anyone lol) but its such a nice ship like?? People can ship what they want but why ship Baku/deku when Tododeku is RIGHT THERE. I would rather have todo/deku be the twin stars like.. Todoroki having to overcome his fathers legacy and be a better hero then his father ever could be while Izuku perpetuates all mights legacy and carries the legacy of One For All?? Poetic cinema

+ I SENT AN ASK ABOUT PREFERRING TODO/DEKU TO BAKU/DEKU AND I WANTED TO ADD SOMETHING SKSKS. we could totally have an "its your power" moment. Izuku getting Todo to accept his left side and Todo getting Izuku to remember that OFA is his power now.

Todo/deku is really the poetic cinema we need and deserve. Idk why people like b*kud*ku, that’s what they prefer, but the ship itself is not healthy in the slightest and I find it pretty disturbing. I agree with you, nony. Everything you said is correct.

Anonymous said:

If I'm gonna be honest the whole "he was raised in a household of screaming and abuse" isn't a good enough reason as to why Bakugo has no chill. Like we've seen people like Todoroki raised in a household much worst but he didn't come out as a jerk or bully. I'd like to see more of Bakugo's interactions with his parents but for the most part the dad seems like a pushover and his mom is just loud at times. But no where close to Endeavor. So yeah Bakugo shut up challenge

Yeah, idk how their dynamic works, it’s just mitsuki screaming at k*tsuki while his dad tries to intervene, but doesn’t do a good job about it. I don’t like that she smacked his head. But I think people really stretch it to give him a tragic backstory when in reality, he doesn’t have one. He is a spoiled brat. Shouto has proven how to be a better person. He’s just a better character in general.

Anonymous said:

This might be long but I want to get something off my chest and I love your blog so I used to like bk//dk. If you asked me why. It's because I was enamored by the fanon ver of this pair with a better bkg and the whole appeal of childhood 'friends'/reconciliation trope it had going on and some fans have convinced me that their relationship wasn't as bad as it's portrayed before UA and that bkg was only like that because of society and thinking Izuku was "looking down" at him. 1/3

Thinking about it. it's really stupid and the verge of victim blaming but anyways. What stopped me from liking it and instead hating the pair is that after dk vs kc 2 I was expecting the improvement in their relationship, for a moment I thought we got it. But in reality it's just bc we haven't seen them interact much after the overhaul arc and before the joint training arc.Then the joint arc came and the 2nd internship arc came and whoo boy, I feel like I was cheated on. 2/3

Rather than making bkg's behavior improve towards Izuku, He's still as much of an asshole who belittles him, mocks him ,acts like he can't stand him but less threats of killing him combined with Izuku who just takes it because he's a nice person. But the narrative acts like their good friends now and I have been feeling so frustrated with this, I wanted a mutual relationship with mutual respect on both sides and bk//dk hasn't reached that part and it shouldn't take this long for it to be. 3/3

Thank you for sharing this with me, nony!! I appreciate it. It’s really sad that their relationship hasn’t improved at all. It’s so long overdue and now things are played as comedic relief like him hurting Izuku with his spike and also being extremely disrespectful during the ofa meetings. Their relationship isn’t healthy and it isn’t friendly, no matter how canon wants to paint it that way.

Anonymous said:

the only reason bkg gets to know OFA is because he guilted Izu into telling him a half truth in S1 then guilted AM and Izu with his tantrum in S3 He also had the privilege to know Izu since childhood and saw AFO so he had the advantage Izuku would have never told him otherwise. Same time Izuku's friends don't "deserve" to know about OFA, rather, Izuku deciding to tell them himself will make the revelation to them more special since its Izu deciding to tell a piece of himself than being forced to

HOT TAKE

@havocsss said:

i just wanted to say i appreciate your opinion on bnha about bakugo (bc someone finally said it 👀) and you put into words for me how i feel abt that character - and that's partly why i just can't watch it. he's the bully that everyone idolises and gets let away with murder and naaaah mate that's not how it works

Thank you, I’m glad to hear it. I don’t like that he, a literal bully who has suicide baited Izuku and has hurt him with his explosion quirk, is the fandom’s favorite and the most popular character. Literally any other character would have been better to stan than him. He’s everywhere and I can’t enjoy part of the series because of him always being there. It’s so annoying. I will continue to yell about why he is not a good character until horikoshi gives us the development he desperately needs AND an apology to Izuku for being so abusive to him. And yes, bullying is abuse.

Anonymous said:

I know that feeling. I also greatly dislike Bakugou. He almost ruins the manga for me at times. I can't even think of a plot with Izuku where Hori won't try to include him in some way. I tried reading metas abt him, tried to look at him in a different light but I realised that I really hate his personality, combined with his overhyped popularity just makes me can't stand him. I wish I could even just be neutral for him but that's being a challenge.

Yeah, he’s not a good character. Very infuriating and annoying. We do not stan him in this house.

Anonymous said:

I feel like if Aizawa actually knew that Bakugou used to bully Izuku he'd probably whoop Bakugou's ass

OOF I’d like to see him expel him.

Anonymous said:

I like how it's framed like I'm supposed to feel sorry for Bakugou because he feels manpain for not being the strongest in the class. Like the dude went from a regular school to the best of the best and he still expected to be the strongest person there is with no challenge?

Awww, is the spoiled brat sad? Good. He can die mad about it.

Anonymous said:

If Aizawa did the combat training instead of All Might he would've stopped Bakugou the first time he used his gauntlets and automatically failed him and I really wish that would've been the outcome

Tbh he should have been expelled for trying to kill a classmate.

Anonymous said:

Oh yeah I remember that character entrance when he just basically I insults his partner for training. Look I love the kid but if I was a teacher I would've flamed him so hard like there could've been a hostage, that weapon could have went off, his partner could've been captured. That's how you ended up failing the license exam

OOF. When will he learn.

Anonymous said:

Um excuse the ever living fuck out of me but I just saw a fic that was bakugou/consequences where Izuku attempted suicide and you know what the ship was?? My pure green son who deserves the world and his literal bully/abuser are you SHITTING ME???? I try very hard not to hate ships I do really try but I just CAN'T with this ship it disgusts me

It's not a healthy ship. I am disturbed by this fic and I don’t even know what it’s called and I don’t want to know. Eww.

Anonymous said:

I see myself as Izuku cause I relate to him a lot and I just read something where Bakugou does what my abuser did to me to Izuku and now I'm having a very hard time stomaching the thought of him and like I really loved kiri/baku too but now I can't even think about it cause someone who shipped my notp thought it would be a good idea to make Bakugou an abuser and give Izuku Stockholm syndrome ☹

Oh nony…I’m so sorry to hear about that. That really sounds rough and I hope you’re feeling better. That sounds awful. I’m just…I’m appalled. Also giving Izuku Stockholm syndrome with this ship is just. Wow.

[backtobackbakubabe]

I’m Gonna Make This Place Your Home (Part 8)

Bakugo x Reader 

words: 3010

Runaway reader finds a home with Bakugo. But will trouble follow? 

*****************************************************************************************************

You almost couldn’t see yourself with the amount of tears that were streaming down your cheeks. You saw the look on his face when he realized what you had done. 

“NO! Y/n don’t do this!” 

He stumbled around with his hands out trying to find you. Desperately swinging his arms around but they found nothing as you were pulled into Puppeteer’s embrace. 

“Y/N! PLEASE! It doesn't have to be this way! Please give me my sight back! Please baby listen to me!” 

Puppeteer’s grip tightened, “Isn't that adorable... the mighty ground zero.. begging.” 

You wiped your tears and lifted your hand out as if to reach for him. You gave him his sight back, or at least you tried. But nothing was happening. “Bakugo I’m trying! But my quirk isn't working! I don't understand. Whats-”

Puppeteer snarled, “Oh come on now Y/n... You’re much smarter than that. I took the liberty of using your quirk for you. I thought I could trust you to do the right thing... apparently not!” He backhanded you across the face all while never letting go of your wrist.  

You cried out in pain and Bakugo’s face snapped in your direction. He couldn’t see you but he could hear you. He lunged for you but Puppeteer was quicker. He threw his leg up and kicked Bakugo in the stomach, winding him and sending him to his knees. 

You strained against Puppeteer’s hold, “Im so sorry Bakugo! I’m sorry! Please dont-”

Puppeteer cut you off, “I’m a man of my word. No harm will come to you and your friends... but the offer is void should you decide to look for us. I won't be so nice the next time we meet..” 

Bakugo growled with rage, “I don’t fucking care what you do to me! I will come after you and I will fucking kill you! YOU FUCKING SHIT STAIN!” 

Puppeteer struck Bakugo in the back of the head knocking him out cold as he dragged you out of the office. “Well good luck to you and your over sized ego.” 

You tripped over yourself several times as you attempted to keep up with the tall man dragging you through the halls. You could faintly hear as the party was disrupted by what you could assume was the rest of the team. People started to scream and chaos followed. True to his word none of Puppeteers men attempted to fight back. Instead they had all left well before the heros even arrived. Sure they ended up selling out some of their clientele, but a small price to pay to have you back. His reach was long, he would sort all of it out later. 

“Would you hurry up you silly girl! Dragging your feet won't help you.” He yanked hard causing you to almost run in order to keep up. He stormed up the stairs dragging you with him, you were sure you would be covered in bruises from his grip. When you finally got to the top he shoved you in the helicopter and shouted at the pilot to leave immediately. 

He put on a pair of fancy looking headphones and passed you a pair as well. “I see that my mistake before was treating you more like an animal, like a pet to do my bidding. Things could be different this time around... if you behave.” 

********************

Bakugo woke up to someone shaking him and yelling, “Hey man wake up! What happened? Where’s Y/n?”

His eyes snapped open, “Shit Y/n! On the roof! He said he had a helicopter on the roof!” He tried to stand up but his head began to spin. 

Kirishima gently pushed his back down, “Hey man you got a nasty looking head injury. I’ve already sent some people to the roof and they didn't find anything...” 

Bakugo squeezed his eyes shut to prevent any traitor tears from slipping out and making him look weak in front of the other heros. “Then she’s gone... he took her and they’re gone...” 

Kirishima sighed as he took a seat next to his distraught best friend, “Don’t worry man, we found them once and we’ll find them again. Y/n’s earrings have trackers in them. There’s still hope.” 

Bakugo didn’t say anything. He just covered his face with his hands and let out a huge sigh. Everyone was smart enough to leave him alone for a while. He got checked out by some medics, and they bandaged his head for him. They advised he go home and get some rest but obviously that wasn't happening. He started to wander the halls of the fortress like house. There were so many rooms.. and a lot of them had bars and locks, much like cells. A chill went down his spine. 

He turned a corner and stopped in his tracks... at the end of the hall was a girl. She was dirty and covered in a blanket. She was talking to a police officer and she... she looked like you. 

He tried to keep himself from sprinting towards her. He didn’t want to spook her. The closer he got the more of you he saw in her features. Sure this girl looked to be a little taller. Her hair was much lighter than yours. But there was something about her eyes, they looked just like yours.

He approached her and knelt down, “I’m sorry to interrupt but you just... you look like someone I know. Can I talk to you for a minute.” 

She nodded and stood up to take a walk with him. 

As soon as they were out of earshot she yanked Bakugo into a room and shut the door. Baffled Bakugo pulled his hand from her grip, “Hey! What the hell?”

The strange girl looked him in the eyes, “Listen I don’t have much time to explain. You recognized me because I look like Y/n. Which makes complete sense considering I’m her older sister.” She put a hand up to him to stop him from talking, “I know you have questions but please wait until I’m finished, we're on a time crunch after all.” 

He narrowed his eyes, “You have 5 minutes to explain what the fuck is going on and who you are.... we’re on a time crunch after all...” 

She smirked and when she was satisfied with his compliance she continued. “My name is Ora. I’m a few years older than her and there’s no way she would remember me. I started showing signs of my quirk young just like she did. And I was sold to Puppeteer just like she was. I’m sure you found out about our parents but what you dont know is our mom works for Puppeteer. Her quirk is emotional manipulation. He finds people's quirks that he likes and he sends her out to basically trick them into loving her, having their children and then delivering them to him. She’s a sick, twisted, bitch.” 

Her fists balled up and shook for a few seconds before she let go and continued, “Our dad was an honest man. His quirk was time travel. But he could only go up to 24 hours into the past at a time. He couldn’t move to the future, but he could always come back to the present. It took a lot of out him, so he only used it once a day. Every day he would read the paper, pick someone who died and go back and warn them. Well he ended up messing with Puppeteers affairs and it pissed him off.” 

The girl began to pace now as her rant continued, “Puppeteer wanted to kill him but he also wanted his quirk. You see he collects quirks. He can use anyone’s quirk as long as they are alive and he has touched them within the last hour. He controls people like puppets. Hence the name. So he sent my mom after him and when they had me... well I was lucky enough to inherit his quirk. By the time I started showing signs of it though Y/N had already been born but she would have been too young to remember. They came for me and my dad died trying to protect me.” 

Bakugo could see pain flash across her eyes. He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m really sorry for all the shit you and Y/n have had to endure because of him. I would give anything to kill that fucker with my bare hands.”

Ora just sniffed, “I fucking hate puppeteer but he’s a smart fucker. Every time I try and take him down he’s always one step ahead. He’s been giving me quirk suppressing drugs for years. Keeping me here until he needs me. I can feel them wearing off now and as soon as they do... well I have this idea. It’s crazy and I need your help. I want to go back in time and save my dad. The only thing is.. I’ve never gone that far. Also I need to take you with me... and I've never done that before either...” 

Bakugo blinked a few times before he scoffed, “That’s not even a plan! That’s just wishful thinking! We need a real plan... Right now we’re tracking her coordinates through a tracking device we put in her earrings. We are going to find her and I’m going to blow Puppeteers stupid head off his his stupid body. THAT’s a plan.”

Ora crossed her arms over her chest, “That’s the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. Your plan is more unrealistic than mine. You’ll never get close enough to him. He has so many quirks at his disposal. He uses his goons like chess pieces. He plays with them like a video game. He left me here. So either someone fucked up and forgot to snag me on their way out, or the cocky bastard dosen’t see me as a threat anymore. Either way by now he knows I’m free and he’ll expect me, as I assume he'll expect you. Anything we do has to be very carefully thought out.”

“And you think doing something you’ve never done before in your life is careful thinking? It’s a suicide mission!” 

“I think it’s worth a shot.... Look we can try it you way first if it’ll makes you feel better. I need time to recharge anyways. But I’m giving you 24 hours and then I’m doing it with or without you. I would rather you come. I think you're the only one strong and determined enough to take on Puppeteer. But if I have to do it myself I will.” 

***************************

Puppeteer in his hurry to get you out didn’t think to check you for any bugs, or tracking devices. Once you were in the helicopter you took off your earrings. One you hid between the seats of the helicopter and the other you swallowed. It hurt like a bitch but you weren't taking any chances. Now all you could do was wait. Puppeteer obviously was keeping you from using your quirk. Hopefully they wouldn't drug you so you could try and reach out to Bakugo later. You were worried though because they weren't even attempting to hide where they were going. It was like Puppeteer wanted you to know. Was he setting a trap? Did he want you to tell Bakugo so he would walk right into the lions den? 

Your thought were spiraling out of control and you could feel your breathing start to tighten as an anxiety attack was surely building.

“Relax dear Y/n.. I dont want to sedate you, but if you can't control yourself then I’ll have no choice. Like I said, I want this time to be different. But that’s only if I can trust you. It’s up to you how this plays out from here. You can live comfortably and go back to doing my bidding, or you can call out for help.” 

His smirk grew evil as his heavy glare landed on you, “I have no problem killing your little boyfriend. And your punishment won't be pleasant either. I just need you alive to use your quirk... I dont need you awake. I could turn you into a comatose vegetable of a human and keep you strapped to a bed. Ready for me to come use your quirk as I wish. So if I were you... I’d think long and hard about what you do next.” 

Your stomach dropped and you wanted to throw up. This man truly was evil.

***************************

Bakugo got Ora some clean clothes and brought her to meet the others. Kirishima was looking at a screen and rubbing his neck. “Hey man, so I got some good new and some bad news. Good news is the tracking devices are still working.... bad news is they aren't in the same location.” 

Bakugo narrowed his eyes, “What? What do you mean?”

Kirishima turned the screen towards him and pointed at the two blinking red dots. “Both the earrings had trackers in them. It looks like one of them is on the move, and moving pretty quickly. The other has been at the same coordinates for about half an hour.” 

Bakugo stared at the blinking dots. One of those dots was you. “So what do we do? How do we figure out which one’s her?”

Kirishima sighed, “It could honesty be either. There’s no way to know for sure. Either she’s the moving one and the other one was dropped and left behind. Or she's the stationary one and the other one is decoy. Our only option is to split up and check out both coordinates.”

“No...” Ora stepped up, “If you plan to take them on you need a united front. You cant afford to split up.” 

Kirishima looked back and forth between Ora and Bakugo, “Who’s your friend?” 

Bakugo rolled his eyes, “Long story, she’s Y/n’s sister and she's here to help. Ora this is Kirishima, he’s my partner.”

“And best friend, he always leaves that part out...”

Bakugo growled, “Now isn't the time for jokes shitty hair..”

Kirishima softened, “Right. Sorry. So do you think there’s any chance Y/N might be able to contact you tonight? It’d be the easiest way to narrow down with one of these dots is her.” 

Bakugo shrugged, “I wouldn’t say it’s likely, but she did say that last time she found a way to fight through the drugs to reach out to me. Maybe she could do it again.” 

Kirishima nodded, “Let’s hope so. I say we take the night to regroup and make a plan. You need to go to sleep and see if she reaches out. We’ll make our final decisions in the morning.” 

As soon as Kirishima walked away Ora nudged Bakugo, “You know this is a stupid plan right? We’re waisting time. There’s no way Puppeteer would let her give away their location.” 

Bakugo grunted, “Listen we just met like an hour ago and all you’ve done is annoy the shit out of me and question my intelligence. If you weren’t Y/n’s sister I would have told you to fuck off already. Now lets go get a hotel room and get some sleep. You may think it’s a long shot but I want to be ready in case your strong, more than capable, bad ass sister, finds a way to reach me.”

Ora’s eyes remained fixed on Bakugo’s like she was an adult talking to a stubborn child. “Whatever you say, but when I said 24 hours I meant 24 hours. You have until tomorrow afternoon. Let’s go.”  

They entered the hotel room and Ora immediately flopped on one of the beds and picked up the remote to the tv. Bakugo took a seat on the end of his own bead and cleared his thought, “Not to sound mean or anything but... how are you so normal?”

Ora put down the remote and gave him a weird look, “What do you mean how am I normal?” 

Bakugo blushed a little, “Well I mean you and Y/N went through the same thing but when she found me... well it was like she had been shut in a room her whole life. You just seem like, I don’t know... normal.”

Realization flashed in Ora’s eyes, “Oh... Well from what I understand when Y/n got out it was the first and only time she had ever escaped. I on the other hand escaped a lot. I would be out for months sometimes before they’d find me and drag me back. My escaping so much is probably what made it so hard for Y/n.” 

Bakugo nodded sadly, “Okay one more question and then I’ll leave you alone and go to bed.... When you saw me today.. you immediately knew who I was and already had a plan ,if that's even what you want to call it, that included me.... how?” 

Ora threw her head back on her pillow. “I've never told anyone this so this stays between us... I may not be able to time travel to the future... but sometimes in my dreams I can see it. Its hard to tell though because sometimes they come to pass and sometimes they were just dreams. They helped me escape several times when I was younger. The only thing about you is... Well I had a dream once years ago. I had no idea who you were then but there you were. We were back to the day my dad died and everything went to shit. I don’t know what happens, but I know its possible for us to get there. I tired finding you every time I got out. Once I did.. but you were at UA then and I was too scared to tell you. Time is a very sensitive thing. You cant meddle with it too much. Things need to happen as naturally as they can. So years later Y/N found you and now here we are. It’s fait.” 

Bakugo’s head was spinning. This girl had unloaded so much on him today. He didn’t think he could take anymore or he would explode. “Thank’s for being honest with me, and thank you for at least trying to do things my way. If the time comes and we need plan B. I won't fight you on it.” 

Ora sighed in relief, “Thank you Bakugo... honestly.” A tear slipped out the corner of her eye, “The thought of getting my dad back and having my life go back to normal... its all I’ve ever wanted. For Y/n as well...” 

Bakugo just nodded, too emotional to respond. He turned over and closed his eyes. Please Y/n... please be there waiting for me.

************************

You tossed and turned in you comfortable bed. You were exhausted but you were terrified to fall asleep. Puppeteer had been so nice to you so far. Giving you clean clothes, feeding you, you even had a nice room with a huge bed. All he asked for in return was your cooperation. Would it be so bad? If it meant Bakugo lived... 

You couldn't stay awake forever and as soon as you fell asleep you felt your dreams morph into something else. All the sudden there he was, Bakugo. He ran to you and wrapped he arms around you. You hadn't done this. You hadn't brought him here. That could only mean Puppeteer did this. Not only was he letting you reach out to Bakugo, he was forcing you to... He was testing you. 

“Y/n! Shit are you okay? Are you hurt? Where are you?” He held your face in between his hands and rubbed his thumb over your cheek. “We may not have much time so I need you to help me out here. Your earrings. They had trackers in them but they went in two different directions. One stopped and the other kept moving. Which one is you?!” 

You gulped. This is it. You had to make a decision. Tell him where you are and risk ruining everything... or lie and save his life. You leaned forward and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. “I’m the one that kept moving. Puppeteer found the first one and threw it from the helicopter. The second one I swallowed.” 

Bakugo kissed your forehead, “You’re a fucking genius! I’m going to find you I swear!” 

A tear slipped down your cheek, “I love you...”

Bakugo wiped away the tear quickly, “Hey dont say it like that. Like this is goodbye. I love you too Y/n and it’s because I love you that I won't rest until I get you back. I have help. I found your s-”

A loud clapping noise rang out in the dream. 

Bakugo looked around, “What’s that?”

You shook your head, “Sorry Bakugo. Somethings waking me up.”

You gripped you tighter, “No wait!”

You sat up straight in you bed to find Puppeteer sitting in the dark corner of your bedroom clapping. “Well my dear. It seems you passed my little test and gave him the wrong coordinates. It’s a shame though... you still betrayed my trust by swallowing that tracking device... 

****************************

Bakugo bolted upright breathing heavy and sweating. Ora rubbed her eyes as she turned on the bedside lamp. “What happened? Did you see her?” 

He nodded, “Yeah...” 

“Did you ask where she was?”

Again he nodded, looking angry this time, “Yeah.... and I think she lied to me.”

**************************

Taglist: @carolinawindsay​ @targaryens-blog​ @fukyouthink​ @malibusurfer56​ @theoneforallkiddeku​ @opentheskeletonkey​ @1000fandoms​ @emmyljo​ @watermelone98  @ilikeanimeandbands​ @joonishantics​ @-hiddlesdweeb-​ @crimson846​ @emotions-and-potions​ @tokoyamis-luv​ @itsmetsuki​ @tinymatwrote​ @nobodyw8s4evr​ 

[savysavannah]

Practice Challenge one: Part One

Beginnings: 

“Fuck!” I yelled and slammed my hands against the steering wheel. This wasn’t the first time I’d had a total mental breakdown in the dim lighting of the courthouse parking lot, and it sure wasn’t gonna be the last. This case was rigged from the get-go, Mr. Dean esquire was always there against me, swaying the jury with his charismatic personality and his masculine gender. Not to mention it was a jury which he decided to leave fully as white men, his fellow groupies against my defendant, a woman of color who defended herself against her abuser who came at her with a gun. 

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Opening them I saw Dean sashaying to his car. I considered putting my own in reverse and waiting until he just walked by, then bye bye Dean. Deciding that it wouldn’t be worth the cost of defending myself I waited until after he’d passed to pull out and start to drive to Illean Private University. I was an attorney coach for a Mock Trial team and of course, had to encourage these kiddos that law was the best career and it would really be fulfilling to help people. Driving past the Greek life houses I couldn’t help but smile thinking of happier times. Chugging shitty beer, dressed like a total slut and not giving one single fuck. 

After an hour or two of bullshitting some kids and reminding them to object when someone playing a witness says “well I heard the defendant say he was mad at the victim so he must have killed her.” I drove on my way home. 

“Incoming call from Uncle Dipshit'' said my car, continuing the never ending day that is my life. 

“What?” 

“Hey little Savy-Hannah, I’m in a bit of a bind and need some help.” 

“What was it? Cocaine? Meth? Or did you finally snap and get caught with heroin.” 

“Come on, Savannah, why would you just assume that, can’t I call my one and only niece because I wanna talk to her?” 

“At 11pm? Friday night? Bullshit.” 

“.......fine Sav-” 

“Fuck you, I’m not doing probono work for you anymore. Get your shit together or get the fuck out of our lives.” 

Taking a turn away from my apartment I started to head for Lux, my old usual club. I hadn’t gone in awhile but right now I needed to get absolutely shitfaced. 8 shots and 2 waters later I was grinding up against some strangers to Kesha’s “Die Young”, a classic. Suddenly I heard an all too familiar voice, “Savannah!” 

My brother. Specifically, my oldest brother, Dan. He danced his way over to me of course being in this scene and grabbed my wrist. “Wha-u wan dan?” I slurred and kept jumping to the song. 

“I was worried about you, Ricky called and said you were acting weird.”

“Weird!" I laughed throwing my head back "Because I wouldn’t clean up his shit for once!” I screamed over the music before he pulled me out of the club by the wrist. As soon as the cool air hit my cheeks I leaned my head back and looked up at the sky. 

“I wish I was a star." I mumbled seeing the shimmering lights above us before suddenly leaning forward and hurling all over the cement. Probably a usual occurrence for Lux but I still felt bad. Dan rolled down the windows of my car as he drove me home, I stuck my head out of it for the breeze to feel the air in my lungs. 

“How’d you find me?” I mumbled, still not fully back to myself. 

“We all have eachothers phone locations, remember? You insisted on it like a year ago after you interned on that kidnapping case.” He sighed as we drove up the familiar road home. 

“You’re really a mess you know that?” He asked. It's not like he was much better….well, he was but it's not like I'm our brother Danny. At least I made something of myself. Didn't get handed my career and a wife on a silver platter. Or like Daniel who was still so far back into the closet that we really aren't sure if he'll ever come out, even though our family would be more than accepting of him. 

I was tempted to defend myself but stopped, “I know, I just need a win."

The next morning Dan was sleeping on my couch and I was on the living room floor. “You couldn’t have carried me to bed?” I mumbled through a yawn. 

“You’re the dumbass who got white girl wasted and said you were too tired to walk to your room.” 

“What time is it?” I mumbled and went to find my phone despite the world swaying as I crawled to my purse.

He lifted his arm up to look at his watch, “Like 8:00am chill out.” He groaned. 

“HOLY FUCK 8?” I flinched at the loudness of my own voice. I was normally up at six, two hours slept in, what’s today it’s a wednesday. ‘What was I supposed to do today? No clients in court today, so that’s good. Okay so I suppose I have to? Paperwork?’

I sighed, “You’re fucking lucky I didn’t have court today.” Stumbling up I ran to my room to change out of yesterday's clothes, splash some water on my face and get on the move.  

"Lucky? I'm the one who got your ass home at all!" He yelled back from the living room as I slipped into a different skirt. Shirt could stay the same, just a plain white shell no one would notice. But skirt absolutely not. I grabbed a pair of earrings and a bag of makeup wipes and rushed past Dan. 

"Fine sorry love ya. Family dinner on saturday right?" I hurried as I slung a purse over my shoulder. 

"You got it." He replied. 

"Uh, stay awhile have breakfast if you want. I've got bagels and eggs. Just lock up when you leave." I remembered finally to be polite as he stretched getting up from the sofa.

The office was busy and loud as usual. I tried to smile and act like I wasn't hungover as holy hell while I walked to my desk. 

There was someone new taking a desk near me too. Lanky guy probably straight out of law school too. I sized him up for a moment before nearly catching his eye but going back to my work. 

It wasn't till lunch that I had to actually deal with another human when I ran into Mr. Asshole-dean. 

"Ms. Mars?" He said as he tapped my shoulder in line at the starbucks near the courthouse. 

I turned but knew his voice right away, "Mr. Dean?" I replied wondering why he was bothering me. He seemed to catch my cold tone. 

"What, rough night? Does suck the night you lose the case but don't worry. You'll get better at losing, can't win em all." 

I would like to get an extra extra hot- you know what make it just a cup of fucking lava to poor on this jackass. I smiled, "Thanks! I'm sure it didn't take you long to get used to it." I gave a passive aggressive smile and looked down to my watch. 

"Listen, Mars, I know we're opposing counsel but I don't mean any harm by it. I think we could be great friends if you'd give it a shot. I mean I'm sure we both hate our jo-"

"Hi I'd like a venti mocha!" I ordered cutting him off the scurried back to my car. 

I had a few hours before I actually had a meeting. It was just to speak with a judge over a custody case between a homophobic mother and two "really good friends" one of who was the father of the child in question. There was a chance it could turn into a serious case, the mom was wealthy and if she got too displeased she could probably turn it into a civil suit on the grounds of the father being gay. But it wasn't likely she'd take the time. She was only really fighting for custody to use their kid as a weapon in the divorce. 

I drove home with my coffee deciding I wanted to Pad Thai leftovers I had as comfort/hangover/please-god-dont-make-me-live-another-day food. 

Daniel was sitting on my couch when I walked in. "Can you not just walk into my house? Dan may have forgotten to lock it but that's no reason for you to just waltz in here!" I yelled as I dropped my purse and walked up to him. 

"Is that my mail?" I huffed and snatched my letters from him. It was just junk mail but he still had no right to be so intrusive. 

He looked up at me with a slight glare, "I know what you did and I'm gonna get you back for it." And as quickly as he came he scurried out. 

Ringing up Dan I tapped my foot on the ground, "You forgot to lock the door!" I yelled into the phone. 

"Oh shit my bad. You okay?" He asked. 

"Yes, but Daniel was just here. All pissed over something." I grumbled and walked to the fridge to get out my leftovers. 

"Any idea of what?" He asked. 

"No clue." I answered. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“No, don’t call anyone. Listen, they record everything but our conversations for confidentiality, if you call someone it’s possible that they might somehow be involved and we don’t want prosecution to get that- understand?” I hated explaining the basics to my clients, but those dumbassses would sign their own sentences if they didn’t know any better.

I walked up to the courthouse, in one hand I had my phone, the other a black coffee from the starbucks across the street, my work back slung over my shoulder and threatened to slide lower onto my arm. As I turned the corner I was suddenly burning with hot coffee against my chest and a stranger staring down at me as I had run right into him, 

“FUCK!” I yelled as I stepped back. My heel slipped in a crack on the sidewalk, the top of it snapping it too causing me to fall back, my head hitting the hard concrete.   

When I opened my eyes again he was standing over me. It was the new guy who sat across from me. "Don't worry I called an ambulance." He assured. I was going to sit up but as I pieced the situation together I realized I was no longer wearing a shirt. Instead I had his blazer placed over my top. I assume because of the burning coffee which would have been sitting on my torso had he not. 

He rode in the ambulance to the hospital. We sat in awkward silence as I tried to figure out his angle. Was he afraid I'd sue. I was the one who bumped into him. Did he wanna ask me questions about our workplace. It'd been a month or so since he'd arrived though so that wouldn't make sense. 

He sat next to me at the hospital and was still there when the doctor told me it was a light concussion and a small burn. He sighed, finally not seeming like a stiff board for a moment. Maybe he was scared I'd sue. I turned to him in the hospital bed when we had a moment alone. 

"Why are you here?" I asked. 

He blushed and looked down mumbling a bit as he said "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I wouldn't be able to work anyways till I knew." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

"Why? I'm the one that bumped into you?" I asked. 

He was about to respond when the brigade of brothers came in. He seemed startled at all the sudden male energy in the room. "Ah, these are my brothers Dan, Danny, and Daniel. Daniel is a family name." I added the common addition when introducing them to anyone. 

He stood up and shook Dan's hand firmly "Nicholas Lamia." He said. I realized then that I also didn't know his name. Danny started to get suspicious as he looked at him with antagonizing eyes. 

"How do you know our sister?" He asked. Nicholas flushed again and tried to find words for a moment. 

"We work together. He's the one who called the ambulance." Daniel set a balloon down next to me that he'd gotten at the gift shop. 

We hadn't really spoken since his home break in. I still don't know what that was about. But he's been suspicious since. Once they released me Nicholas went on his way and the Mars siblings stood on the sidewalk and considered where to go. 

"Should we get sushi? It's been a moment since we hung out without mom and dad." Dan suggested leading the conversation. 

"Hmm, works for me. Samantha's out of town for work." Danny chimed in. 

I sighed thinking about all the work I still had to do. But it had been a minute since we hung out for fun, and cucumber rolls wouldn't be too bad right about now. "Sure I'm in." I replied. 

"You?" Danny asked Daniel.

He mumbled for a moment with the same guilty look, "no, I don't th-" 

Suddenly Danny got him in a headlock, "come on even Savy agreed and she'd rather eat shit than waste time." He joked. I rolled my eyes and we all piled into Dan's car. 

The waitress led us up to a small booth towards the back. At first I was going to sit next to Daniel but the blaring TV would send me down a spiral. There was a government program on and as soon as that shit for an heir came on I'd be fuming about how we're leaving the lives of multiple disadvantaged people to a boy who did body shots off a Delta Nu on a thursday night. I wasn’t exactly sure if that story was true, but it wouldn’t surprise me based off of what I’d seen from more credible sources than Lucy in the room down that hall at the sorority house who was gushing about how she wished it could be her. Prince Eaton went to the University of Labrador with us and she was hopeful that he would do it but sadly, no. 

Dan saw my eyes lingering on the TV and switched sides of the booth with me. We were just about finished and considering desert when I began to notice the glances and smirks. I wiped with a napkin thinking maybe I had some rice on my face, but they continued nonetheless. It wasn’t like creepy guys smirking either, it was everyone. The air felt different and Daniel looked like he was going to be sick. “What?” I asked as he opened his mouth. 

It looked like he was about to say something but couldn’t find the words. Dan opened to speak too, “Savannah, we didn’t think you’d ge-” 

“Oh my gosh congratulations on being selected! Would you like a desert? Everything is on the house of course!” The waitress smiled. 

I looked up at her as if she were speaking German. “Congratulations on what?” I asked. 

“On being selected! They were just announced, are you so excited? Could I also get a photo by any chance! The next queen of Illea could be sitting at my booth!” She cheered.

The world slowed as my mind raced selected? Like The selection selected? I didn’t apply? I didn’t want to apply? How did I even get entered? What did Daniel want to tell me? Did Daniel do this? Was this his revenge for what? 

I snapped out of it as Dan called my name. “I’m sorry. I have to step out for a moment.” I said and grabbed my purse running out of the restaurant, feeling everyone watching me. I walked to the side of the building and pressed my back against the cold brick panting. I crumbled inwards as my brothers ran over to me. I took a deep breath in, 

“I don’t” 

another breath

“understand.” 

Suddenly a man with a long lens camera appeared. How did that happen so fast? How did he know what she looked like? Stupid your Savannah Mars it’s not like you’re a nobody your grandpa runs the largest candy company in the world. 

“Can you back off?” I heard Dan ask him. 

He kept ignoring Dan entirely, that is till Dan pushed his camera out of focus. “What the fuck man? Chill.” The creep said and went to shove Dan. Level headed Dan of course responded by punching him in the face. 

We all piled into his car and drove to my house. I sat in the car ride silent and waited for someone to speak. No one did but Daniel still looked like he was going to throw up. We all sat on the sofa in continued silence. Only Dan spoke to offer everyone water. 

No one said yes to it but a cup appeared in front of each of us anyways, always the responsible older brother. 

I inhaled then finally said, “I’m not mad. I just want to know why?” and looked at Daniel. It was clear by now that he was the culprit. 

He sat there in silence, his lip whimpering like he wanted to cry. Like he wanted to cry? If anyone’s going to cry it should be me. Suddenly I lunged at him to get in a hit. Only Danny’s arm stopped mine from smashing into his face. 

“Why?” I yelled. 

“I thought you made a gay dating profile for me.” He whimpered. 

“What?” I asked, even more confused than before. 

Dan spoke up, “Danny made a gay dating profile for him to try and give him a little push. When he got mad he said it was you who did it.” 

“I just saw the letter sitting there and it seemed like the perfect way to get back at you for meddling in my love life. I was just gonna taunt you with submitting it, then Dan told me it was Danny but he said you wouldn’t get in and you’d just never know.” Daniel explained. 

“Well, statistically speaking you shouldn’t have.” He defended. My anger shifted to the brother holding me back. If Danny had teased Daniel about his sexuality none of this would have happened. But I couldn’t do anything with him still holding my wrist. 

I stood from the sofa and the brothers stood as well. “I’m going to go get changed.” The second they relaxed I turned and charged at Danny. “You fucking bitch!” I yelled and started to pull at his hair. He didn’t fight back but Daniel panicked and Dan rushed over. I was yanked off of him before I could make any real damage but he did look hurt enough. 

“How could you! Just minding your own fucking business could have avoided this whole thing! And Daniel!” I yelled and turned. “Don’t fucking get vengeance especially not without communicating!” 

The phone started to ring. It was probably about the selection. I huffed over ready to say, “Hi, yes this is Savannah Mars. No, I would not like to participate, please pull someone else.” But as I picked up the phone I realized something. Daniel would have had to forge my signature. In order to apply for me he had to sign a contract. If I say I want out I would have to prove I didn’t agree to begin with. That would mean proving the false signature. Which is by the way, illegal. 

I sighed, held the phone to my ear. “Yes this is she. I’m so excited to be selected and am more than happy to discuss a time for you to send your people over.”

[mollyphoria]

(off my chest post.)

As soon as I turned the age of 27 last year it was like I've been awaken from a cruel false dream. I opened my eyes then boom I see 27 years of my life laid out in front of me wasted. Yes it took 27 effin years for me to wake up. I wasted all this years and now I'm suffering the consequences of not following my heart, now I'm suffering the repercussions for not realising my dreams sooner as well as pursuing them. I don't believe in myself enough to stand for what I really want so I let society dictate me. I dont love myself enough to believe that I have the capabilities to follow my dreams, luck wasn't on my side too,the odds were never in my favor. So yes I guess I blame both myself and the circumstances given to me on why I failed in life. I failed myself. Society failed me. The system failed me. Oh how I envy people who were able to realise their dreams when they were a kid. these people mostly turns out to be the successful ones in life while I'm left in shambles of not knowing what to do or having such a huge dream I knew I would never reach it. I wanted to become a supermodel but I'm not pretty and tall enough plus I'm from a country not supported by society on having supermodels. Then I wanted to be a rock star. Touring the world, playing the guitar, performing on stage. I can probably make this happen but once again I don't believe in myself and lack of support from family/society was what made this dream seem to get more impossible. I would like to pursue the arts anything from singing, dancing,writing ,painting,drawing etc but I let myself be influenced by what our society drills in my head everyday that there's no money with any of these endeavours so I never got serious to try to achieve greatness from these "useless, juvenile" dreams and plus you need God-given talent to qualify pursuing the arts and I don't have an ounce of it.

So as time goes by I continued to grow older like a dead leaf flailing around in the wind without a specific direction but downwards. But deep-rooted in my soul I knew what I wanted but I chose to stupidly ignore that little voice in my heart that tells me what to do. I to this day continue to beat myself up why I haven't even tried to listen to myself.

So what I did was to completely surrender myself to settle for a lesser,smaller dream that I could possibly reach according to the circumstances I'm handed with

I took up a course in college that I felt at the time would be something I would enjoy and easy,cheap enough to simply graduate and have that diploma just for the sake of it. When I got into the real world and became a full pledge adult for the first time ever I got hit by depression and that's when I first acknowledge that I'm not made for this at all but what I did instead of abandoning it was to try again and aim higher which is to have my own wings and to fly high in the sky and see the world. I held on to that dream. I went to school again. For a moment I had a purpose and for the first time I had direction. I thought I found myself as I try to get those wings. I thought that this will be my redemption. I made myself to believe that I'm meant to do this. I went above and beyond to achieve success. But alas I continued to be the chosen reject and once again odds weren't exactly on my favor and I have given up by the time I'm 27 years old. This is when it all crashed down on me I was chasing a dream gone dead all those years and basically wasted my youth as a result and gained nothing at the end. And I have to admit that i somewhat resent God for putting this dream to flourish in my heart but never gave me a breakthrough to even achieve it. I was left beaten and destroyed. I slaved myself away for nothing, experienced all those sufferings for nothing. I got nothing for all those sacrifices and hardwork I did. Literally all those blood,sweat and tears were for absolutely nothing at the end. I was utterly broken down,my heart was utterly crushed nothing left but broken pieces and a whirlpool of regret. If even this small, mediocre dream I settle myself for is still unattainable for me then my life is no longer worth living. I then proceed to wallow on self pity and resentment and went down to the worst depression I've ever experience in my life. Tears kept on falling like faucets in my eyes. Every streak of effort, energy, motivation ,hope left my body,mind and soul altogether. I turned ultimately dead inside. I don't have anything left in me to even pretend to continue fighting my way into this world. I can't even help myself to help myself. it's like I already died and what was left is just a hollow husk of my former self.

At 27 yrs old i went back to zero. I'm left with nothing to hope for, I didn't gain anything from all the things I went through. After Having the painful knowledge that the journey I made for myself all throughout my teenage to mid twenties is only to become of worthless dust and vomit at the end it made me inevitably bitter about life in general. I started acknowledging thoughts of dying for real. How I realized that it's better to be dead than to be alive, how I wish to have never been born at all. I missed all of these opportunities to win in life and I felt like giving up. Because Life is Suffering nothing more nothing less we will continue to suffer coz that whats life for this is the true meaning of life we are just put here to live so we can suffer and I'm not cut out for it I'm too weak to even restart again.

I realized alot of things. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to the future. I was foolishly, completely convinced that my life will get better as I get older and now that I'm older it turned out to be such a stupid thought coz life didn't get better it only gotten worse and it could only get worst from here on out.

Starting now I shouldn't hope for things to change for the better. It's dangerous to have a false hope and I swear to myself that I wouldn't let myself be fueled by false hope anymore.

And now that it's October I will turn a year older unless I cease to exist first.

I'm honestly scared of the future, now that I can see the true essence of it in its whole entirety.

At 28 I'm running out of time.

I missed the chance to get my life stable.

At 28 I'm entirely clueless on how to get my shit together and I don't even think I have the strength to improve myself. I felt like I just don't care anymore.

At 28 I should have already bought my mother a new house instead I'm stuck and rotting away in a room at her own old house.

At 28 I'm still miserable asf

Still bitter asf

Still dumb asf

Still doubtful asf

Still a loser asf

Let me discuss the thoughts I have about this song 28 of Agust D. This song single handedly describes the anxiety I feel for getting older. The fact that the age he pertained on the title of this song is 28 exactly the age I'm about to turn into soon just solidifies the strong grip it acquired to hold my heart and soul. I felt extremely lucky to turn 28 at the same year with someone as genius as him (tho his 27 international age) nevertheless I'm thankful about this.

Tho there are things that I'm honestly confuse about him having the same fears with someone like me who's a nobody without any single awards, recognitions, accolades or any kind of impact to the world, who's not loved and praised by millions nor have millions of money in my bank account, who doesn't have a big house,big cars nor big rings.

It baffles the living daylights out of me that a person like Min Yoongi who achieved so much in life would feel scared about not knowing his dreams is really about as he gets older. He basically achieved every single one of the dreams I have for myself. His overly set for life that his great great great great great grandchildren will be also set for life. His life wasn't the same like before. His life changed for the better . He earns millions of money by doing what he loves at such a young age. He simply won in life.

We are both 28 but the life I'm bestowed in is the utmost opposite of the life his bestowed in. I'm at the loser end of the spectrum while his in the winner side yet we share somewhat the same fears and anxiety about having to grow older.

This made me question if happiness is really just an illusion. well the genuine authentic euphoric kind of happiness.

Is existence all really just a one big mess with occasional ephemeral pleasure?

If a person who accomplished so much at only 28 still feels depression what's left for me then should I just go kill myself?

Alot of the reasons why I got into this level of depression is because I didn't fulfill anything Yoongi fulfilled.well I'm not really into fame so much but i hope i succeeded on not having to worry about whether I could buy a house or rent an apartment. Yoongi could buy a building for himself while I can't even afford a bedspace of my own

Yoongi could travel the whole world in a whim while I'm mostly stuck in the same place

The stark contrast of our lives is so immense I cant even get my head wrapped around it

My only dillema is that I'm afraid to die but I'm also afraid to live

It's been proven to me now that living in this world is not really living at all it's just purely surviving and I can't deal with this

I'd rather die than to be a slave to the system. And it seems like I don't even have a choice maybe to disappear is the only way out

I'm just not cut out with the cards I've been dealt with

If only I could voluntarily pull my existence out of here then I would do it in a heartbeat

I wish there is a stop button from all of these

[tksfandomhellhole]

totally didn't just give up on the tumblr app and boot up my laptop just to post this

Fandom: Apex Legends (Video Games) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Mirage | Elliott Witt Summary: 

Mirage is his own biggest fan, because he knows no one else will be.

Mostly an introspective/character piece I did a few weeks back for Mirage and lowkey a plea for buff (which is finally happening!!) Caustic is technically there as well.

Mirage would be elated if you told him that you'd find his picture if you looked up "Self-absorbed" in the dictionary. The idea of negative press doesn't exist to him.

Or at least that's what he tries to make it seem like.

So it would come as a surprise to most that perhaps the most egotistical and self-absorbed of the Legends does not check the ratings or read the comments on any forums about the games.

In fact, aside from hanging fanart on the walls, he keeps any fan letters in a box under his bed only for days where he's at his worst.

(He tends to have a lot of those)

Because the reality is, Mirage is his own biggest fan.

If he wasn't, who else would be? He's certain it's no one.

Growing up the youngest of four boys, it was easy for Elliott to internalize a lot of things that his brothers didn't really mean.

One of those things was that being the youngest made him the weakest.

When his brothers went off to fight in the Frontier War they told him he had the very important job of staying here and watching over their mom. He knew it was just a way to make him feel better about not being able to fight the good fight. That once again he was being excluded because he was the youngest.

It didn't really make him feel that much better when the war was still going on and he was sitting at home feeling useless.

And it definitely didn't make him feel any better when they were reported MIA once the war ended. That now he'd never get the chance to prove himself. That he had stayed at home, useless, while his brothers had fought and lost their lives.

Elliott hates being useless.

Unfortunate that his curse of uselessness seems to have followed him into the games, the one place where he thought he could finally prove himself.

Most of his teammates wouldn't guess it, but Mirage actually brings his 110% to every game.

Problem is, his 110% is not even 70% of some of his more skilled teammates.

And when everyone besides you brings something valuable to the table, you have to hide your inadequacies behind self-deprecation and humor.

Today he's the jump master and the pressure to not make a shit landing might already be getting to him a little. "Just a thought, we could land here." He throws out, trying to gauge his teammates' reactions to the spot. Annnnd dead silence. Great. He takes their silence as confirmation and launches anyways.

"Follow the leader! Or don't- do whatever, as long as we win."

Of course, suddenly his teammates find some other spot far more interesting than the one he pinged, and take that as invitation to silently break off.

He lands on his own and loots as quickly as possible. By some stroke of luck, it's not an active spot, and he gets the drop on an enemy Lifeline.

"Nobody had your back, huh? Hate when that happens." He tells her, irony not lost on him.

He loots her stuff as quickly as possible and drops out, hoping to avoid any smoke from her teammates.

"I'm down!" He hears Wraith say over the comm lines. He takes a look at his map and finds she's none too close to him.

But what is Mirage, if not at least a good teammate, even at the cost of biting off way more than he can chew?

"Uhhh, okay, don't panic, I'm coming to save you." he says with what feels like is becoming his trademark uncertainty.

He makes it all of thirty yards before the squad from earlier runs up on him, and two of them against two of him doesn't work out in his favor. "Bad news, I'm down!" He says over the comm line, using the few extra seconds his knockdown cloak buys him to inch his way into a corner out of sight. Another squad joins the fray, and the first squad ignores him in favor of not dying. He watches the firefight go down suddenly regretting his choice of words earlier. He'd much rather his team all be in one place right now.

To his relief, he can see on the map that Caustic seems to have made his way towards Wraith's now banner and recovers it.

He's not too optimistic about his own outlook though. Caustic is not the fastest legend and there's still a sizeable distance between them.

There's also the fact that Caustic has no real reason to come recover him anyways.

Mirage isn't the worst shooter in the game, but he's no Bangalore. And he's no Pathfinder, no Crypto, no Gibraltar- hell even Revenant at least deploys a death totem that he doesn't care who uses.

No he doesn't do any of the things that everyone else does. He's just another- or well several- pretty faces for people to shoot at.

And he tries, he really does. He keeps an eye on everyone's shields and weapons, keeps an eye out for useful equipment, revives and respawns teammates as soon as possible, but deep down he knows it isn't good enough. There's no advantage to teaming with him. And if there's no advantage, it means anyone stuck with him is at a disadvantage.

When he first joined the Apex Games, the last thing he was worried about was the other people. He was used to looking out for himself- he had already learned the hard way that he was the only person who'd care about what happened to him outside of his mother. So he outfitted himself with his holo-tech and did his best to make a name for himself in the games. He didn't realize at the time how integral teamwork would become, and how lacking that in turn made him.

No matter which way you flip it, all he is good for is eating bullets.

He wants to improve his holograms in some way, but he's no Wattson, and he didn't inherit any of his mother's genius. So instead he tinkers with an old holo-suit every weekend trying to figure out a way to make the modifications he wants a reality. Instead he jokes about how bad he is at this while putting in extra hours at the range whenever possible. Instead he enters combat with the confidence of a seasoned pro and none of the skill to back it up.

Self-absorbed, self-serving, and insufficient. Well aren't I just the greatest person to have on the team? Mirage thinks loathingly.

Maybe it's more fitting if he dies here alone, nothing but fakes to back him- the biggest fake of them all- up. Maybe he was wrong to think he could really be a Legend, much less a champion.

As his eyes begin to cloud over, he's ready for death's cold embrace yet again.

Instead, someone's shoes are in front of him now, and a muffled sigh of discontent is heard as a hand on his shoulder pushes him backwards gently and he's suddenly jabbed.

He really doesn't know when Caustic got here, but he expresses his thanks as Caustic pulls him to his feet.

"Your gratitude is acknowledged, let us move now before the ring comes in." The remnants of the earlier fight are still here in the form of half looted deathboxes, and he has to scour through some of those for some heals and ammo before they move on.

It's looking like the respawn beacon they were heading for won't be in the next ring, unfortunately for Wraith, so they cut their losses and head to the center.

They encounter another two or three squads, and one rambunctious Octane along the way, Mirage continuously finding himself downed in increasingly ludicrous ways.

"I've been observing... I hate to be the first person to break it to you, but I dont think you were really made for these kinds of games, Witt." Caustic confesses, while reviving Mirage for the 4th time.

He just sighs. "Yeah... yea, I know."

"So then why do you do it? Why the masochistic endeavor of placing yourself in an environment where you are the weakest link?"

"Wow, ok, little harsh there." He says, pride hurting more than the injection site of the syringe. "I just... want someone to remember me. And I guess I thought, 'What better way to be remembered than dying in the most glorious bloodsport of our generation?"

"A foolish sentiment. Life is insignificant; why not accept your fate?"

"Listen, I don't have to explain myself to you." Mirage says, a little defensive, and more than a little annoyed.

"Have it your way. Your incredible knack for narrowly defying death has provided me an insurmountable amount of data. So much to notate..."

"Glad to be of service." Mirage mutters bitterly.

Mirage does feel a little stupid when he compares his reasoning to other people's. It's not noble or some part of a larger plan. He isn't searching for answers. He isn't doing it because he has to. He isn't even being straight about it and just acting out of boredom like Octane or Revenant.

He's just worried that once everyone has forgotten him it'll be like he never existed at all.

His mom has already started forgetting... who will be left when she's gone?

It's the one thing that truly terrifies him.

So he keeps going on, even though he's the weakest link.

He keeps going on even if he's the biggest joke amongst the legends.

He keeps going on, even if everyone else is laughing at him and not with him.

Because as long as they're laughing he knows they see him.

Really, he's more concerned about what's gonna happen once they stop finding him funny.

No respawn beacon will ever be able to save him then. 

---

They don't win the game.

He wakes up alone in the med ward, common procedure for the squads upon elimination from the game.

He heads back to his room, not bothering to check the results, congratulate the champions, or talk to any of the other legends.

No one stops him.

He sits on the floor next to his bed and pulls out the box from underneath, taking out a letter at random.

The words start to blur about a paragraph in, and he puts it back once he realizes his tears are just drenching it entirely at this point.

He's ready to go home.

But there's nothing left for him to go back too.

[authorkimberlygrey]

Shitty Things Nobody Tells You About (Self) Publishing And How To Deal With Them

This isn’t in my usual style because I got tired of trying to do the paragraphs thing. 

fuck that I think in bullet points and curse words, y’all can deal with it. 

There’s a readmore a bit further down because this it got long don’t worry. 

It's Expensive

When you self-publish, you are becoming your own publishing company. 

you have to pay for everything

Editing

Cover

Marketing shit

fifteen billion other things. 

There are places that you can get services for cheap but you gotta be careful about that cause you might just get what you pay for. tbh I dont’ have much advice on this, its just a thing you’re gonna have to figure out, sorry. 

Everyone wants a piece of the pie

The shittier members of your friends, family, and community will probably try to horn in on your hard work

“Am I in the dedications?” 

“Am I in the book?” 

“Can I have a free copy?” 

etc. etc. 

fuck these people, you don’t need that shit. 

you just wrote a whole ass book, go you! 

they don’t get to take away from that. 

Shitty businesses definitely will try to horn in on your hard work

you will get messages

and emails 

and offers 

and followers 

Fuck those guys

fuck them so hard. 

It may be tempting because they’ll sound nice and shit

but listen to me: 

The reason they’re trying to get you to come to them is that nobody else is and they want to prey on your assumed inexperience. 

because the reason nobody is coming for them is that they are shitty. They are so shitty. 

I have gotten three messages from a company called Doran 

They are very professional, pretty messages

I have my very own publishing consultant. 

Doran has a total of 1.8 stars on google ratings. 

Block these fuckers immediately 

Do not pass go, do not give them the 200 dollars that they are asking for. 

Fuck them. 

Again, you wrote a whole ass book

they haven’t done shit. 

They don’t get to horn in on your hard work. 

tell them to fuck off

I’m putting the rest of this stuff under the cut because it got too long and I don't want to obliterate y’all’s dashes.

Post-Publication Depression

 Not everyone deals with it

Some lucky assholes get to feel accomplished and happy 

But you’re not gonna know until you get there 

keep an eye on that shit 

I’m not fucking joking here y’all 

this is shitty. 

Nobody talks about it because Ya Gotta Keep Up The Happy Author Image 

But fuck that, I’m not letting yall trip facefirst into this shit unprepared. 

You might feel like nobody cares about you, about your book, about anything. 

You may feel like you’ll never write anything again 

You may feel like what you have written is a shitty, shitty pile of steaming garbage and you are doomed to die cold and alone in the night

You may miss the world and the characters and feel like they’ve died and taken a part of you with them

You may feel a billion different shitty things and it sucks so bad my friends

You just did like several solid months of stressful shit at the very least. 

You are a rubber band and you have just been stretched to the limit and unleashed against the unforgiving back of the head of reality by some dumb fuck kid who’s supposed to be paying attention in class. 

But look at me: It's not gonna be here forever

There are always people who care for real

You will write again and it will be awesome

What you wrote is awesome, no matter how many imperfections you may see in it right now. 

The world and characters are with you always. There is literally nothing stopping you from continuing to write shit with them. or even just daydreaming shit. They are yours and the world cannot take them from you. 

You will get through this, it may take a week, or a month, or longer and it may be shitty that whole time 

but it will end. And you’ll make it through. 

My advice?: 

Get a support system

Tell them that this is a thing

Have them check in on you 

Don’t try to do this alone because you don’t have to. 

It's Difficult to Find Information

Remember that part where I talked about how everyone wants to horn in on your hard work? 

yeah. 

It is entirely possible that I’m just shit at researching but all of the videos, articles, and free PDFs that I found fell into one or both of these categories: 

Either they’re from a publishing company that wants to discourage you from self-publishing so that they can publish your book for you. 

fuck you, pocket guide to publishing

Or for some godforsaken reason, its full of utterly useless fluff to give it length or to cover up the fact that the creator doesn’t actually know what the fuck they’re talking about

The thing you need

if its there

will be one sentence long and buried somewhere in all the fluff somewhere in the middle-end of the thing

somewhere

fuck if you’ll ever find it though. 

What I recommend is that you find a publishing mentor

Someone who’s been through this shit and can give you the short answer instead of letting you sit in front of your computer crying because you just need to know what button to push what the fuck

Again, maybe I’m just really shitty at research, but still 

publishing mentor

good shit

crying over ingramspark’s shitty, shitty website design:

bad shit

shoutout to @brynwrites for answering my neverending stream of questions when I finally gave up trying to find the information on the internet or on ingramspark

do not look for things on ingramspark 

just dont’

there is no logic or organization to that hellhole. 

the blog posts may have promising titles 

but the information you want is probably buried in the middle of a tangentially related article 

the rest of the internet isn’t much better tbh. 

Its Easy To Get Lost In The Crowd

There is a metric fuckton of books out there

and another two fucktons of WIPs 

because none of us writeblrs seem to have an attention span longer than two chapters before we get distracted by a shiny new idea

you know I’m right

People on tumblr are shitty in general at reblogging shit despite that being the point of the website

you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink 

People on writeblr are really busy with their heads stuffed up their own WIPs and they tend not to notice other shit

we’re all guilty of it, its fine

but it can be depressing

its not personal tho

What ya gotta do is make friends

yes, I am literally telling you to believe in the Power of Friendship.

You gotta make yourself an apocalypse survival group my pals

You and yours on the wild seas of greater indifference

it’ll be great 

All that matters is the people that matter 

Fuck everyone else or you’re gonna be crying yourself to sleep for the rest of your life

nobody wants that. 

Post-Publication Depression

y’all

seriously

I’ve cried myself to sleep more nights in the last two weeks than I have ever since I was hella depressed in high school

-100/10 would recommend

but I forgot to opt out of this subscription

this shitty, shitty subscription. 

God I’m so tired. 

Btw I’m going on hiatus for like a week after this last giveaway ends

Its been twelve days since Ascendant was published but it feels like a god damn month

fuck this shit I’m out

see y’all later

P.S please reblog the last giveaway or someth if you want a book. 

[burnedbyshoto]

if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck​ said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet​ said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality​ said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid​ said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme​, @kittenlordofdarkness​, @soafers​ for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey​, @flayvus​, & @ultimate-shit-poster​ thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi​ said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

[scottfuckingreed]

No - Montgomery De La Cruz

-

ANONYMOUS SAID: “can u write a Monty imagine where the reader is friends with all the boys like Jeff, Justin and them & she is warning Montgomery about Bryce after a comment he makes? xxx’

-

Warnings!: Swearing, sexual talk and Bryce being Bryce (yuck)

-

Summary: although it is unknown to their friends, you and Monty are in a committed relationship. Things take a turn when you and Bryce are left alone at his house

-

“You’re such a dickhead!” Jeff shouts towards Justin and throws a chip at him over the table. This kind of sums up most of our lunches. It’s a routine almost. We sit in the exact same places, talk about pretty much the same things, and act the way we always do. It’s only ever subtle changes that happen. A hand lands on the patch of bare skin just above my thigh, but I don’t even flinch. No one can see it. Monty and I are very low key. It’s better this way. I know he’s mine, and he knows that if he looks anywhere else I’ll cut his dick off. So we’re VERY much on the same page about everything. No one else has to know, just as long as we do.

I drive myself to Bryce’s house for a typical hand out with the usuals. I see them all sprawled out across his room, smoking all the shit in the bong. Everyone has their eyes fixed on the game going on the tv between Zach and Justin. It may sound boring, but the shit - and it is utter shit - that comes out of these boys when they’re playing is too funny to miss. I lay eyes on Monty. I’d love to go and cuddle with him OBVIOUSLY but that can’t happen. I don’t know why it can’t, but I know it can’t. We lock eyes. It feels like minutes before we look away, but I know it’s only a split second before he blinks away. “I’m getting a drink, anyone want one?” He asks as he pushes himself out of the bright blue bean bag. Almost half the boys say ‘ah yeah’, which is perfect for me really. “Jesus Christ guys I’m not a fucking God y’know!” I grunts at the response. I mean... I personally disagree but I’d never tell him that. “I’ll help you,” I laugh.

We get to Bryce’s kitchen, and I get lifted onto the counter almost instantly. Our lips connect and I pull him as close to me as I possibly can. My legs wrap fully around him. I imagine they look pretzel shaped if you looked from behind. Unfortunately his kitchen is very open and we’d get caught very easily. A little make out wasn’t enough, but I guess it’ll do for now. “I missed you,” he mumbles before placing one last peck on my lips. If he said any of the shit he says to me in front of any the boys he would get SLAUGHTERED - let alone Bryce. It makes these moments even more special. I know he’s only like this with me. “Tell me about it,” he pulls away fully and goes towards the fridge. Monty comes back with four beers and places them in my lap. “That’s cold,” I moan and hurry them onto the counter. I see a smirk form in the corner of my eye. “What’s that for Cruz?” I lightly tap him with my foot. He pauses, before coming over to me with his four cans. Leaning in towards my ear, he begins to whisper. “I just think you should save that moaning for later.” Fuck.

“Honestly... Fuck you!” I shout as Jeff absolutely obliterates me. “I’m on your team!” I add as I lift my leg to kick him. He grabs my leg with his right hand and twists me playfully. I scream, which makes him do it more. I suddenly start to feel eyes burning in the side of my head. I continue messing around with Jeff because I’m probably over reacting, but I hear a cough behind me. “I think I’m gonna take off,” Monty stands up. Jeff stops, allowing me to sit up and look at him. I feel restricted from saying anything in case it makes it obvious. “Come on Cruz, it’s only 8!” Bryce throws a screwed up empty can of beer at him. “Sorry man, I’ll see you tomorrow.” And he leaves.

Running after Monty would just scream desperate and relationship so I don’t bother, but know that it’s all I wanted to do. If I wasn’t such good friends with these guys it would’ve been a no brainer. The stupid gaming goes on for hours, which causes both arguments and physical fights. I think everyone knew that it was time to finish. As people start leaving, it feels more and more calm and normal. It always feels like there’s hundred of us, although it’s 12 people at the most. Sometimes it’s nice to just be at 0. Not 100.

Pretty soon after people start leaving it’s just me and Bryce. We’ve known each other for what seems like forever, but we were never really ‘close’ until maybe a year or two ago. I feel like I know him, but he’s always been a closed book. But maybe that’s just me. Either way, I don’t think we’ve ever hung out just the two of us. “When do your parents come back?” I ask as I help clean up all the mess. “Tomorrow maybe. Who knows?” He laughs. I go into the kitchen to throw the cans in the bin, but when I turn around Bryce is right in front of my face. “Woah,” I laugh uncomfortably. My hand goes to his chest to push him back slightly to get past. “Y/N,” he says calmly. I say nothing and just turn back around. His energy is a lot different to how I’ve ever experienced it, so I’m unsure of what to do. I watch as he takes steps towards me, and the vibe I get from the situation is just... I can’t really describe it. It’s just negative.

One second he’s across the kitchen, next there’s hardly any space between us. I desperately want to move, but my back lays flat against the back wall. The feeling is indescribable. I don’t know why I feel so... weird..? about this whole thing. I’ve never seen him like this before. His hand lifts, making me stiffen up as he brings it to brush a piece of hair behind my ear. ‘I’m with Monty’ wouldn’t even come out of my mouth even if I wanted it do. “Bryce I-“ a fingertip that slightly circles the outside of my thigh silences me. “No I-“ and he doesn’t acknowledge, just continues. He’s stronger than me. He’s bigger than me. I begin to go into panic mode - but that just comes across as a frozen statue. “Don’t kid yourself Y/N,” he leans down and whispers in my right ear. Every hair across my skins stands tall. “Bryce- no- I.” I try forming a sentence in my brain, but they come out jumbled. His lips lower to my neck as I feel his finger slip up my shorts. I dont know where this strength comes from, but I push as hard as I can. He falls onto the ground, almost hitting his head on some cabinets. Almost. “Fuck Y/N!” I rush to grab my jacket, wanting to literally crawl up and die right about now. “You act as if you haven’t fucked half the baseball team.” I hear as I open the door. And a final “SLUT” as I slam it.

I drive out of his ground. Feeling completely numb, I stop driving pretty much as soon as I’m away. Words I’ve heard other girls scream about Bryce just rush through my head. I ignored those girls. I never thought twice about Bryce’s character, but I should have! The vile and sickening shit things they had to say about him was true... and I didn’t do anything about it. All I want to do is call Monty, so I do exactly that. It rings and it rings and it rings. I try at least 5 times but he cuts it short. I slam my hands on the wheel in frustration. Why didn’t I just leave when he did?

The next day

Guilty. The last feeling I thought I’d feel this morning. I feel guilty that I didn’t run after Monty. I feel guilty that I now have to tell Monty about what happened. I even feel fucking guilty about what Bryce did. He didn’t understand no. He assaulted me, and I feel guilty. Fuck feeling guilty. But it’s all I feel. Other wise I’m numb. Completely numb. I didn’t sleep last night, just cried and stared at my ceiling. Then the wall. Even out the window. I kept telling myself that it could’ve been worse. And it could’ve been! But playing last night through in my head on loop just made it sound worse, and then better, but it’s not getting better. I found myself making excuses for him, that maybe I gave him the wrong message. Maybe I did. Did I flirt with him? Did I give him a look?

I roll over to my phone which was centimetres from my head. My silenced phone must’ve been buzzing. Me and my running brain did hear a thing. I see two missed calls and a text from Monty. The text reads ‘Sorry I was in the shower, is everything okay?’ with a heart on the end. Part of me wants to be angry with him for not being there and leaving me. How can I though? I should’ve left with him. I should’ve ran after him.

It’s actually only 7:30 so unfortunately I haven’t missed any of school at all. Nowhere near. I don’t wanna go. I don’t think I can. I don’t know how to act. Just as I roll over and bury myself under the covers, I hear a car door slam. God I hope that’s not for me.

Minutes after there’s a knock at my door. I turn to face it only to see Monty’s head peak through the crack. Seeing his face actually makes me forget for a second. Happiness fills me, and as soppy as it sounds, I think he’s actually a cure to my sadness. He smiles massively at me before closing the door behind him and jumps onto my bed. “Jesus Christ Monty, you’ll break the bed,” I laugh, and as soon as I speak I can sense somethings coming. “Well I’ve done it before,” I push his face slightly, but I start to smooth his cheek instead. His eyes stay locked on mine. “Im sorry about yesterday by the way, I shouldn’t have left like that,” for a minute or two I completely forgot. I feel my smile just sink off my face, and I look down away from his gaze. This is Monty’s best friend. “How was it anyway?” He throws his arm around my shoulder. I lift my knees and lay my head on them to try and hide to fact that I’m slowly breaking. Fuck. This is so hard to rat him out. “Y/N...” he says quietly. My arms wrap themselves around my legs. I honestly feel so small. “What happened?” I’m not sure if it’s anger I hear in his voice, but something sounds different. “Uhm...” I sniff and wipe my glistening eyes into my covered knees. Turning my head, I look into his eyes again. “It was good until-“ “Until?” I can sense his whole being start to tense up. He’s sat up pretty much up straight and stretches to intertwine his fingers with mine. “Until everyone else left.”

It was almost as if he knew what I was gonna say. “Everyone meaning... you and Bryce were just left alone.” He takes his hand away from mine. “No it wasnt anything like that.” I panic and reach up to the cheek to comfort him. The discomfort on his face was so apparent and so disheartening. “I honestly swear.” I pause and take a breath. “He just... got a bit forward,” still, even with Bryce being an absolute dickhead, I find myself not wanting to hurt Monty by telling him this. He stands up in a rush. Pacing my bedroom floor, his fingers brush through his hair in frustration. “I swear to fucking god if you’re about to say what I think you’re going to!” I just lose it. Seeing how angry he already is just insane. Tears start to spill slowly but steadily. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking. I shake my head at him while I wipe my eyes. “I don’t want you to be angry with me,” my voice breaks. He kneels at the side of the bed, taking both of my hands in his. “Just tell me everything.”

So I do. I start with how it was normal. How it was nothing out of the ordinary. His eyes stay focussed on mine throughout my slow explanation. I wish I could just scream how much of ass he was, but Monty is his best friend. I’m so scared it’s gonna back fire on me. What if he takes his side? What if Monty isn’t the guy I thought? “He started getting really close and just weird,” I breathe my words out as clearly as I can. All I’ve heard leave my mouth is mumbles and blabber, so I have no idea how Monty’s understood any of it. But I can see him understanding every word. Fluently. “I just- I moved away. I really tried...” breathe. “I tried to ignore the fact that he was being off.” This was the bit. This part was make or break. “I can’t describe what I saw in his eyes but it wasn’t what I knew, yknow.” Every word that exited my mouth flowed into Monty’s brain. I could see it. He was calm. He was calm until the final part. The neck kissing. The thigh touching. I actually think he was mad at me until I made it very clear. I kept saying no.

He was up and out. I hardly saw him move. One second he was holding my hands, next he was leaving my house. I grab my closest clothing item, which - funnily enough - was one of Monty’s hoodies, and run after him. I catch him just as he turns on the engine. “Montgomery,” I sigh as I get in the passengers seat. He doesn’t even look in my direction. A wet patch on the right cuff spreads. “I knew you’d be pissed at me,” I huff in a whisper, but it was evidently loud enough for him to hear. He punches both hands against the steering wheel. “Why the fuck would I be mad at you?!” He starts the car.

The car ride is silent. Im unsure of where he’s actually driving to, but the ride is very drawn out with the tension. My thoughts are running away. I just find myself looking over at Monty in the corner of my eye. His face was blank. It was as if he was thinking of nothing at all. Like he was literally empty. “Monty,” I let out in a whisper. He doesn’t react at first, so I don’t think he hears me, but he then grabs my hand. “I wasn’t a slut was I?” He eyes widen, and I think a smile starts to form. “How would you be a slut if you’ve only fucked one other guy?” It comes out in a some sort of laugh, which is honestly so relieving. “I must give off that vibe then,” I sigh and gaze out the window. His hand goes back on the wheel as he turns up to a too familiar house. My eyes widen. “Monty...” he turns off the engine. “I’ve got something to get quick, you can drive on the way back,” he hands me his keys with a warm smile.

I shuffle myself across to the drivers seat. This feels a bit odd. To going from him being ‘angry’, and now going to see Bryce. Did he have to get it now? I’m just a bit confused. Like are we fine? I honestly have no idea. Just as I get comfy, I see Monty run down the driveway and rush into the car. The door opens, and the first thing I see is the red blood-like colour all over his hand. Oh shit. That’s actually blood. “Shit Y/N drive!” Bryce comes out his house with what looks like a bat?! I drive literally seconds away before asking the obvious question. “What the fuck did you do?” I ask, but as I finish it comes out in a bit of a laugh. “I only punched him.”

He sits at my kitchen table while I get the first aid kit. “This might sting,” I warn him before I clean it with alcohol. He hisses but only for a moment. “What did you actually do?” I ask. ‘I only punched him’ was absolute bullshit and I knew it as soon as I saw his hand. I can see literal pieces of glass at the surface. “I didn’t go in to- no I did go in to punch him- but I saw his face,” He shakes his head. “I just knew that he’d brag about it to me if he got the chance.” “So what did you say?” With tweezers I pull the pieces of glass out his knuckles, apologising as soon as I realise I didn’t warn him. “I couldn’t say much. I missed when I swung for him first and killed the mirror instead. I went for him again and just - dunno... might’ve broke his nose.” He shrugs, which makes me burst out laughing. “Im glad you find this funny,” a massive smile forms on his face, dragging me forwards to straddle him. I place a kiss on his lips. “Breaking a mirror is like 7 years bad luck,” I can’t help but feel so happy and over the moon. His left and absolutely fine hand goes to my ass, squeezing it slightly before whispering, “You know I love you right?”

[ecoamerica]

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[mystt]

so a lot of you guys know that ive been on the contrapoints hate train for a long while. she consistently has really bad takes and even worse optics, and has a hard time responding to criticism in ways that arent weird cryptic bullshit. even beyond all that, i just dont like her content substantively or stylistically, which is clearly aimed at trying to convert centrist dudebros. because of that, shes basically the most visible single person on the left online right now. it’s important, CRITICAL even, that the things she says be put in proper context lest someone with less knowledge than her (im not at all denying that shes a smart woman) get the wrong impression of these still fairly new topics. however.

after watching this video made by vaush (a controversial rising star of the youtube left whose style i find very refreshing), i think im starting to have a bit of a change of heart. i think its important to document this thoroughly considering how much (well deserved) shit ive given natalie in the past. here, vaush is covering a portion of a patron stream that natalie did in which she addresses this most recent round of contra-versy. transcripts of it have been circulating, but i feel like they dont properly capture the way in which this topic was addressed.

this post got REALLY REALLY long, so im going to leave the rest under a cut.

natalie is obviously taking this recent bout of hate incredibly hard, to the point where she’s questioning whether or not she can continue making content. let me be clear. i have a lot of personal gripes with natalie and her content, but i think this would be a MASSIVE net negative for the trans community. despite her many shortcomings, she has acted as a gateway, an extended hand to those who don’t understand us, and i think it’s obvious that she’s very successful at it. we NEED people like her to be our liaison. and is she perfect? no, absolutely not. in a perfect world there would be many trans people just as successful as her giving all sorts of different views on what it means to be trans. but right now she’s the best we got, and i do think we could do much, MUCH worse.

apparently, people have been picking apart every single thing she says, using certain turns of phrase to paint her as a terf, or even alt-right/reactionary. ive personally never seen anyone state this, nor do i agree with those who do. but just because i havent seen it personally doesn’t mean that it doesnt happen. that shit needs to STOP. NOW. because if you genuinely believe those things, you are frankly a fucking idiot. yes, she has a tendency to say certain things in her videos and certain things in her other correspondence, but never ONCE has she indicated that she’s anywhere NEAR a terf or a reactionary. saying that she is and using it as a cudgel to abuse her makes you the lowest of the low. if you want a terf reactionary trans woman, blaire white is literally right there!!! like for fucks sake.

 now, whether or not she’s a truscum/transmed is a little more dubious. she has a hard time saying outright that she isnt, but in public she at least nominally supports nb ppl. in the video linked above, she at one point states that nonbinary people ARE part of the trans community, which is definitely a step in the right direction. i just wish that if she really did support nonbinary ppl outright, she wouldn’t muddy that with her own weird personal anecdotes and support of nb-phobes. 

this is a good point to address the actual meat of this controversy, the inclusion of buck angel in her most recent video. buck angel is a reprehensible piece of shit. contra clings so desperately to this idea of him being a trans elder. i guess he was the first trans man contra ever saw, and the first trans person she ever saw who passed, and this fundamentally changed how she viewed trans people. thats great for her, but he’s a relic of a bygone time and frankly he needs to get with the program. she said she’ll do better to vet the people she includes in her videos, and that’s great and all. but, she didn’t actually address the vile things that buck angel has done/said. like i said earlier, i don’t think she’s nb-phobic, but i do think she has this tendency to not properly address the concerns of her nb viewers, which is incredibly frustrating. 

not so frustrating, however, that i felt the need to go to all of natalie’s professional friends and demand that they totally denounce her and sever all ties. this, right here, is an actual example of cancel culture, except this time we’re doing it to one of our own. and not just one of our own, maybe one of the most important community members and advocates that we have. i have a lot of gripes with natalie, as you’ve seen, but NOTHING she’s done requires that we ruin her life. and this savagery she’s receiving is ruining her life, no doubt about it. she’s slipping back into alcoholism, is incredibly depressed, and constantly on the verge of tears over an INSANELY undeserved amount of hate. i don’t know about yall, but i can’t watch natalie talk in this segment without the empathetic and sympathetic part of my brain telling me that something is very, VERY wrong with the position that i’ve taken. 

i feel embarrassed to have thrown myself in with this lot that’s trying to destroy a woman’s life because she isn’t perfect. i feel ashamed that ive spent all this time and energy hating a woman who i really only know not through engaging with her content directly, but by looking at screenshots in twitter threads. and i feel very frustrated that now i cant be critical of one of the most visible members of our community because a bunch of savages are trying to destroy her. this whole situation sucks for EVERYONE.

[nie7027]

Super5 headcanons part 4

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3  Part 4   Part 5

And thats how they found themselves one saturday morning in the parking lot of the closest mall with no idea how to go about this

Hatori, who already regretted this, was regretting it even more when he noticed how crowded the place was "so... What do we do if someone recognizes him as the prime minister kidnapper? "

"We have come before and no one has recognized us so far..." said shibata a little hesitant "what makes you think this time it would be different?"

"Well i dont know...how about the fact it was internationally televised"

"So were you destroying that army helicopter" quipped Shimazaki from behind "if you are so scared you shouldnt have come"

"Who do you think is gonna pay for your shit dumbass?!"

"Did i ask you to do it?" Shimazakis glasses were obscuring his eyes but the glare was evident "I am the one forced to come. I DONT NEED YOU-"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP" Minegishi yelled before Shimazaki could say anything further "Hatori! we have gone through this before. Everything willl be fine and if it isnt then we'll deal with it and Shimazaki no one is forcing you to do this! we talked and you accepted, you cant turn back now"

When both of them kept quiet Minegishi thanked god(gods? Whoever was in charge of his stupid life) for it and rubbed his temples, a headache already threatenint its way

Although Shimazaki had been mostly right in saying they forced him to come they would never give him the reason

Besides its not like he couldnt transport away at any moment. If he was here it was because at some level he actually wanted and it was enough for them.

"Cmon guys, people are starting to stare" Shibata, bless him, decided to take charge at that instant and ushered them inside

"So...where do we start? " said Hatori wearily glancing at the different stores there were

"How about we start by replacing his jacket?" mused Shibata "i think its the item that attracts attention the most"

"Whats wrong with my jacket?"

"It has bullet holes"

"And scorching marks"

"Scorch marks? That fucking kid..."

"You didnt notice? It used to have blood stains too but they were gone after i washed it...was it even yours?"

"How would i know?"

The three men sighed at this before minegishi spoke "Okay...that settles it then. Well start by the jacket"

"Oh how about we get him a sweater? I actually need some myself and they are in offer!" said Hatori excitedly pointing at the store where he usually bought his

"Im sorry man but someone needs to tell you...your taste in sweaters suck" admitted Shibata making Shimazaki snicker

"Says the guy who only wears shorts and nike t shirts"

"IM A GYM INSTRUCTOR"

"So? Why does everybody need to know at all times?"

Minegishi, for the second time that day. interrupted the fight between his friends "Im sorry Hatori but Shibatas right"

"What?" asked Hatori feeling betrayed

"I mean...the pigeon sweater?"

"Oh for the lord of-You know what? FINE! Whatever! I dont care! But thats a start and none of you have a better idea." Hatori smirked knowing he was right when the others didnt said anything "Besides he is going to pick his clothes so you dont have to worry about my "horrible taste" and fuck you guys, that sweater was awesome"

Shimazaki watched amused the exchange that followed while they walked to the supoosed sweater store. It remind him of the reason he accepted coming.

He was getting used to these petty fights and actually found them kind of funny.

Maybe coming wasnt as bad of a idea as it felt at first

Maybe it was

"So do you like the burgundy one?" asked Shibata when he noticed Shimazaki finally picked something

"Whats burgundy?" replied Shimazaki who had only grabbed something that felt soft

"Its kind of like red...but darker"

"Shibata I dont know what red is"

"Oh...thats....thats sad man"

Minegishi facepalmed before picking more red sweaters and handing them to Shimazaki "Red is actually the color of the t shirt you are wearing so it's close to your current style. Here. These are red too just...try them out and see if you like any"

"I cant believe i forgot he cant see" said Shibata while Shimazaki went to dressing room

"It happens to best of us" responded Minegishi

Some minutes later Shimazaki returned with 2 sweaters including the burgundy he had picked

"So how did it go?" asked minegishi retrieving the sweaters from Shimazakis hands

"They felt soft"

"And?"

"And....what?" this was new fo Shimazaki and he didnt know what answer were they expecting

"How did the fit? How did you feel the neck? The chest?"

" they just fitted"

"Really?" shibata checked the tags "these are two sizes apart. Didnt one feel too loose or too tight?"

Shimazaki tried to remember but he didnt actually paid attention to that.

Luckily for him Hatori decided that moment to come back.

"Hey guys how its going? I talked with the cashier and he said that theres a 2x1 offer. So we can-oh, you already got 2? How did you know?"

He wasnt expecting the others to shrug

"Okay..." continued Hatori "Are you finished? I already got mine"

"Do you want those?" Minegishi asked and sighed when the other man kept silence

Shimazaki didnt know. Sure, they have felt nice but so did his current clothes. Besides minegishi was asking if he "wanted" them and Shimazaki wasn't used to actually considering if he wanted them. Usually there wasnt many options.

"How did you pick your clothes?" tried Shibata

it was shimazakis turn to shrug "I just robbed them and kept what fitted"

"What? Who did you rob to get your current clothes" said Hatori surprised "i thought you had this aesthethic going"

"What?"

" You know like bad boy style. Kinda like grease"

"What"

"Grease? The musical-"

"ANYWAY" interrupted Minegishi "we are barely starting. Lets try somewhere else"

After that they went to other stores to try other clothes but each time the same scene of shimazaki, being unconfortable and not caring that much for what they picked, repeated and Shibata was having none of that.

He pulled Shimazakis arm turning him back. "Okay, man. From the clothes you are wearing right now. Which one do you actually like?"

It took shimazaki a full minute to answer but he finally said "The jacket"

Without thinking it twice Shibata dragged him to the first leather jacket store he saw, the others following close behind and scanned the items looking for a model that resembled Shimazakis the most.

Minegishi who had been looking at the tags glanced back to shibata "Are you sure about this? These are really expensive"

Shibata didnt reply and kept looking until he found what he wanted and smiliing turned to shimazaki"Take off your jacket and try this"

Shimazaki did as he said (and almost suceed at hiding the apprehesion Shibata had seen before when handing his jacket) and frowned when he put on the other. "Did you just hand me back my jacket again?"

Shibatas smile grew wider "Nop"

Shimazaki didnt believe him so he started to feel around for the bullet holes he knew were in the back and "stared" in disbelief when he couldnt find any of them.

Shibata resisted the urge to laugh "If you dont believe me check the sides. It has pockets"

"Maybe i never noticed mine had pockets" said Shimazaki stuffing his hands into the new pockets

"Sure man" shibata looked at the others "What do you think?"

"What am i suppsed to think? He looks exactly the same" said Hatori "At least this one isnt falling apart"

" Are you sure? Did you looked at the price" asked Minegishi again

Shibata glanced back at a now pouting Shimazaki who still had his hands stuffed inside the pockets and nodded "Its not like i will be broke if I buy it"

Shibata returned Shimazaki his old jacket and after paying for the new one he and the others gathered around Shimazaki

"Now shimazaki. Your pants"

"What about them?"

" what dont you like about your pants?"

Shimazaki looked offended "who said i dont like my pants?"

"You. You said it was the jacket what you liked the most and not the pants so theres sometjing about tjem you dont like" pointed out Minegishi

"Is the tightness isnt it?" Hatori asked with a smirk

"I actually like the tightness" deadpanned shimazaki and then looked like something disgusting crossed his mind but Hatori started screaming

"AH CMON! IM NOT BUYING HIM SLUTTY SKIN TIGHT LEATHER PANTS. DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE WILL HAVE TO GO-"

Minegishi covered hatoris mouth with his hand shutting him definitely "what did you think?"

"I liked shibatas clothes" Shimazaki reluctantly grumbled out

"AND THATS ANOTHER POINT FOR THE NIKE SHORTS GUY" bragged Shibata

"I liked Minegishis socks too"

"Wha-When did you use my socks?"

Shimazaki shrugged "That week you were hiding with them"

"You little piece of-"

They went to buy those and other clothes they deemed necesary ("STOP BEING CHILDREN YOU TWO. HE NEEDS UNDERWEAR TOO" yelled an embarrased Minegishi after the others laughed at him for suggesting it). Trying to get at least 2 items of each type of clothes

Eventually Shimazaki admitted he had liked the sweaters he tried first too and Hatori gladly bought them even though none of them correctly fitted (one was too tight and one was too loose)

With bags in hands they set out to leave and were talking about what to eat when Hatori cut it "Hey guys. Before we go i need to go to the bethroom!"

"Cant you wait till we go to eat?"

"If i could i would"

"Ugh fine. Do you even know where the bathroom is?

"There are six. Two in each floor. the closest to us in the middle, we passed it some minutes ago." shimazaki unexpectly said

Minegishit, shibata and Hatori stared baffled at him.

"How do you know...?"

"Mental eye?" said Shimazaki like it was the most obvious thing in the world "Theres so many people that I basically can see a complete map of the mall"

"Yeah but how do you know when you are seeing a bathroom?" asked curiously Hatori

The three of them started laughing when Shimazaki refused to answer

While they waited for Hatori Shibata glanced around and almost smacked himself in the head when he noticed certain store.

With all the drama of the clothes Shibata had completely forgotten the real reason they were here. Luckily for him it was in front of them

"LOOL GUYS! A PET STORE!"

Minegishi looked to where Shibata pointed and hummed "we could go look around while we wait"

"Why would we-" Shibata pulled again shimazakis arm not letting him finish his question and dragged him inside the store.

'Please let it be one of those stores please let it be one of those stores' kept repeating Shibata in his head until Minegishi pointed at one side of the store "Look, they have a pet zone"

Victory! "Lets go!"

Shimazaki followed Minegishi and Shibata to the far end of the store where a lots of kids were and stood awkwardly not knowing what to do when Shibata suddenly handed him a little ball of fur.

Heartbeats. Blood flowing. Breaths. Warm. Soft. Oh no.

When Hatori finally found them after searching for minutes it was to the scene of Shimazaki sitting on the floor the floor, face being licked by one of the five puppies sitting on his lap....Was he crying? (No he wasnt but it was close)

Minegishi and Hatori were loudly gasping while Shibata kept saying variations of "I told you guys!" "You didnt believe me"

It was a good day for Shibata.

At night Minegishi. And Shimazaki were facing a new problem he hadnt considered. Where would they put Shimazaki stuff?

"I thought you could use my wardrobe but its too small..." minegishi had forgotten how much of a space his uniforms occuped.

Shimazaki suddenly dissapeared and after some minutes teletransported back with some boxes and ignored when Minegishi asked him from where did he got them "People use boxes to store things. We can use them"

"I guess? But it will be a hassle to pile and unpile them whenever-I have an idea"

without further ado Minegishi activated his powers and with the plants and the boxes built and cabinet of sorts in tje licing room "This will have to do for a while"

They spent the rest of the night folding the clothes (more like Minegishi trying to teach Shimazaki how to do it) and then went to sleep.

Since Shimazaki was overpowered by a bunch of puppies(YEAH SHIBATA YOU WERE RIGHT WE WERE WRONG CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP), Hatori decided something must have broken inside him because he developed a new habit: He started to pet every dog he encountered

And "Encountered" was a way to put it

After the third scream that afternoon Hatori shaked his head while waiting for the man to come back

"SHIMAZAKI FOR THE LAST TIME STOP POPPING OUT OF NOWHERE"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE YOU SCARE THE SHIT OUTTA PEOPLE!"

"So?"

Hatori groaned dragging his hands along his face and then turned to walk away /flee the scene

" I knew we should have stayed back in the apartment playing videogames"

"I told you I didnt want to come" shimazaki whined

Hatori just glared at him and walked faster not caring whether the bastard followed him or not. Why was he stuck babysitting Shimazaki on his off day? Oh yeah, minegishi was working and Shibata...fuck shibata! How could he forget his wallet "well, you wouldnt have had to come if you had accepted to take him his wallet"

Shimazaki somewhat got offended by that "Iike some kind of delivery guy? What a waste of my powers. Besides if i had taken it to him he wouldnt have invited us to dinner"

"Okay. First of all delivery guys are the foundation of modern society and you should respect them and second SHIBATA DIDNT INVITE YOU YOU INVITED YOURSELF"

Shimazaki just shrugs "so? Its shibata! He always pays for me"

"Aaaand the manchild cant see why thats wrong" hatori mutters

"Hatori Im blind"shimazaki deadpans

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT-"

Shimazaki who was clearly ignoring Hatori perks up "Hes coming"

"Who is-?" hatori doesnt need to ask once he sees shibata giant form turning the corner ahead

"Hi guys!" Shibata greets waving at them .

Hatori hesitantly waves back "Shibata? What are you doing here? Didnt you have a class?"

"Boss had an emergency and we had to close early"

"Oh damn i hope it wasnt something serious-"

"WHO CARES? CAN WE GO ALREADY?" shimazaki whines

Shibata laughs and pats him on the back "Shimazaki! buddy, Im glad you came!"

Hatori rolls his eyes "the only reason he came was the food. He didnt even want you bring your wallet to you which reminds me" he takes out the wallet and gives it to him " you left it on the kicthen counter"

Shibata takes it and smiles "thank you man, you are the best!...so where do you guys want go?"

Shimaza was already opening his mouth to declare what he wanted when hatori pointed at accusatory finger at him "oh no! Dont even dare! Minegishi and Shibata spoil you enough"

Shibata frowned at him "We dont spoil him-"

Hatori turned to look at him with a face that said 'You gotta be kidding me' "YES YOU DO! He picked the last two times and I already had to deal with his bullshit all day so today I get to pick where we go!" hatori crossed his arms "besides it was me who brought the wallet"

"What? No! The places you pick are lame." shimazaki explaimed "shibata tell him!"

"Im sorry bud, he has a point there. You picked the last two times and its only fair he gets to pick today"

Shibata had to resist the laugh at seeing shimazaki sulk and Hatori stuck his tongue out at him.

After hatori proclaimed where he wanted to got they started to walk in that direction. Shibata carefully observed Hatori.

"So...what did shimazaki do to make you mad like that?" asked Shibata after a few minutes of walking

"He scared three persons on our way here" mumbled Hatori while he texted on his phone

"Three persons?" shibata looked back at shimazaki who walked behing with his hands in his pockets "Why?!"

Shimazaki shrugged "Its not my fault people are so easy to scare"

Not undertanding shibata turned to hatori confused

Hatori sigued and without looking from his phone he replied "He is doing again that thing where he teleports to pet nearby dogs"

Shibata groaned "Buddy! We have told you already theres no need to teletransport, you can just walk up to them and ask the owner if you can pet their dog"

Shimazaki rolled his eyes "Wheres the fun in that?"

"The fun is in the fact i wouldnt have to run 3 different times in less than 1 hour because of you" hissed Hatori finnally pocketing his phone

"Besides" picked Shibata " You cant go around petting peoples dogs"

"Huh? Why not?" rebuked Shimazaki "All dogs like to be petted!"

"Because you have to ask the owners permission first you dingus! Some people dont like to be molested "

"And there are some special dogs who shouldnt be petted or they get distracted from their duty "

"Oh! I heart about that-"

"They are dogs" Shimazaki snapped "What duty could dogs possibly have?"

Both men turned to him surprised "You dont know? You must know"

"About what?" answered Shimazaki

"Service dogs? You know...Dogs that help blind people? "

"What?"

Thats how they spend dinner explaining to shimazaki about service dogs

Later that night when a text from Minegishi saying "Who was the idiot who told Shimazaki about service dogs??" came they both ignored it

Feeling guilty for letting Minegishi crush Shimazakis dreams of having a dog after being the ones who told him in the first place, Hatori and Shibata arranged a day to accompany Shimazaki to pet dogs.

Susprinsingly the man had listened to them and stopped popping besides every person who walked their dog and instead waited for Hatori or Shibata to let him know when he could pet the dog.

Due to how complicated that was they soon found a solution: stray dogs were free of hassle even if they were more difficult to find.

"You know? The day he tries to keep one of them we will be in big trouble" mussed Hatori after Shimazaki dissapeared probably finding another stray

"i dont know. Minegishi was very harsh." Shibata laughed remebering that day " I doubt hell try it anytime soon"

Hatori hummed "Do you think hell stay there this time or wil he bring it-"

As in cue Shimazaki reappered, a dirty bundle of black hair in his arms "I got it! It was behind some trash bags"

Both men stared at the strange looking ball of fur, dread setting in their stomachs.

"S-Shimazaki...Buddy... I dont think thats a dog" said Shibata slowly backing away

"What do you mean-" the thing decided that moment to turn its head and reveal its masked eyes.

It was a raccoon.

It bit Shimazakis arm.

"AHHH STUPID SHIT" Shimazaki screamed and quickly trew the damn thing

"AHHHHHHHH" the damn thing, now a blur of claws and fangs, unfortunately landed on Hatoris head.

"Shimazaki help me here-AHHHH" screamed shibata when he tried to rip the beast from Hatoris face

Shimazaki just teleported away.

By the time the raccoon finally jumped and scurried away both Hatori and Shibata were covered in scratches and bleeding from different parts.

"He is gonna pay...Im gonna make him pay" muttered Hatori while cleaning his glasses.

"I think we should go to the hospital first..."

Originally shimazaki was gonna mistake a cat for a dog but a racoon sounded funnier.

Did you know you rarely see stray dogs in Japan because people immediately report them? Or at least thats what my japanese teachers told me.

I know this is like a month later but i had difficulties writing this...ngl the por reception the 3rd part had kinda bummed me BUT i love these guys too much and dont want to stop writing this so im okay now.

Besides in the meantime i wrote for my fics! College funds chapter 2 is up now and so is my newest fic Mother's day! You should check them out. Ive been writing a the good place au for mp100 too but i havent posted it yet.

Anyway! Hope you liked this (Dont listen to them Hatori, your sweater are great)and see you next part because where we will finally reach THE PRANK so be ready for it and some feels

(i was gonna include it in this part but it was already too large and i decided to rearrange some stuff)

Im posting this again because tumblr sucks and posted the first version as a quote that even i cant see

[vacantbloodbones]

The Disappointing Crimes of JKR

so it’s 2 am and I have a fight to finally get home (i’ve been MIA for a while because I needed a vacation tbh) THIS IS A LOOOONG ONE, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED! but on one of my flights I finally got to watch FB2 and it’s taken me a while to gather my thoughts. Like, I knew the disappointing confusion I was signing up for... I had seen SO many YT reviews on the film and from HP fans to just FB1 fans had gathered their opinions... and it was all negative...  So I had my apprehension going into watching this (thank fuck it was free) and I’ve got a lot of my own opinions to say... So if you are aware of myself, you know that I actually loved FB1 and how the flow and characters went. Genuinely, I think as a stand alone film it was actually a good, comprehensive piece of story and film; you had exposition, build up, character development, tension, climax and fallout/outro/conclusion...  So, what went OH SO WRONG in FB2, in my humble-ass opinion?  Well, lets get into this adventure with me, pals... stick with me as I rant my good ol’ heart out, grab some snacks, a drink, maybe some liquor of choice (in my case).  In the beginning, there was... well, absolute confusion??? For an entrance into a film, especially a franchise that has a previous film, I firmly believe there needs to be SOMETHING that explains and ties the previous entry to the latest one... Especially since this series hinges on a handful of characters (Newt, Tina, Credence, Grindelwald, and Queenie + Jacob) and to just throw us into Gellert’s VERY confusing transfer to Europe’s Ministry to answer for his crimes... The intro threw me off; there’s a time jump and there’s an extreme LACK of having our previously established characters development and fallout from the first film being EXPLAINED so we (audience) can make a connection to this next entry.  Like, Credence’s survival (yes, I’m well aware of the deleted scenes that were actually supposed to be shown at the end of FB1 according to Yates...) because we don’t get to connect the dots on screen of HOW and WHY Credence and his Obscurus survived with the additional information of his Obscurus being HANDLED (like, wasn’t the premise of the previous film the urgency of how this THING was going to KILL him and EVERYONE in NYC?), him finding his adoption paper, getting to Paris and into a travelling circus (which, also... makes no sense??)... We’ll put a pin on that for a bit here...  Also, Tina and Newt’s relationship; we really are left wondering how and why they are even romantically involved as the first film established them as strangers to mutual friends at the end... Something that should’ve been shown on screen could’ve been Newt choosing to continue his Beasts studies and books over staying and risking himself being in America for his love interest, Tina. Again, put a pin on that for now...  But instead, I just felt the into to the film was as vapid as JKR’s writing when she simply just doesn’t care for CONTINUITY and actually making sense of ANYTHING.  But nnnooooo, we just get an hour and a half of meaningless exposition and threads that aren’t even expanded or given closure to...  Gellert putting Abernathy as his doppelganger really pissed me off, because we never are shown an inkling as to WHY Abernathy chose or perhaps had always been on Gellert’s side (could’ve even expanded on the idea of Abernathy playing a role in Percival’s capture/implied death in the first film)... Even Seraphina doesn’t mention or show ANYTHING about their most powerful wandless wizard being GONE... he was SOMEONE alive and WORKING in MACUSA for a substantial amount of time... that had connections, powers above anyone, and obvious trust and influence to Seraphina... which also begs the question, why is there such a heavy emphasis on Gellert using his wand magic, when he had been using wandless while impersonating Mr. Graves?  Now, to get into another huge issue; character development continuity: How did the time jump from the intro give us very DIFFERENT characters than the one’s we had been introduced, learned to love/hate be turned into vacant shells of all their development?  Like, I’m sorry but what in the actual FUCK did JKR do with Queenie’s character? She seemed like a genuinely sweet and subtly powerful witch that used her gifts to her advantage... to this, desperate, powerless, and lost character? The Queenie we were shown had a sparkle for adventure and curiosity that gradually came to admire Jacob and truly was heart broken when his memory was erased--to kidnapping him, putting a love charm against his will, and forcing him to go to London with her? She acted the very opposite of who she is and she seemed to have strong morals to stand by her sister’s side, help no-maj’s out, and using her powers for what she felt was right.... To being hapless in Paris, because she wouldn’t own up to her kidnapping and using magic on Jacob against his will, and then DECIDING to JOIN Gellert’s very VAGUE AND STRANGE CULT.  Newt seemed more like a confused boy the entire installment with flashes of him and his abilities with connecting to beasts, thrown into this second installment as a reminder that “fantastic beasts” is in the title of the movie...  Also the broken up dialogue; I DIDNT GET A SINGLE STRAIGHT ANSWER IN ANY GODDAMN CONVERSATION HELD BY ANY CHARACTER! like WOW for a two hour+ movie I got ZERO dialogue that made me go ‘ahhh i get it now!’ no, everyone was running away from each other like a grade-school gym dance.  Jacob was still, sort of, Jacob... but he and Newt’s friendship didn’t feel authentic in this film as it did in the previous. The banter (or lack thereof) was kind of just a callback to me of saying ‘ahahaha, dont you remember Jacob being funny in the last movie????? well look at this funny moment thats totally not needed!’  EVERYONE AVOIDING EACH OTHER FROM MISCOMMUNICATION LIKE THEYRE TEENAGERS REALLY MADE THE ADULT TONE OF THE LAST FILM JUST FALL FLAT... I had screamed internally every time some interaction happened and then someone RUNS AWAY! like, aren’t they adults??? even HP films has young TEENS being more accountable and willing to talk than every adult in this MOVIE.  Lets get into Gellert’s confusing vague cult of reasoning; Gellert’s wishes and aspirations and him killing people and children to comparing his reasoning that he will stop WW2 with his hookah skull... just didn’t make sense, I’ll also add that Gellert’s LACK of character really just pissed me off, like, Voldemort wasn’t revealed until waaaay later and even when he was a face on the back of someone’s bald ass head; made a more CONVINCING and REASONED character with his motives. Gellert just seemed like a casual shit disturber and running a murderous vague cult because Albus won’t do shit and he knows it... He’s like an angsty teenager that never got had someone sit and hug it out type deal. Also, the way he treats his followers and the lack of showing HOW he got so many followers; like, I’m sorry but how did this angsty man-baby get followers???? Oh, right, he used his words that... AGAIN, fall goddamn short even when we FINALLY got to see his “gathering” and “speech” that was so hyped for almost 2 hours... It didn’t make sense to his reasoning or why he was acting out IMHO.  Alright, now let’s get to the character introduction... or really, half-assed intro to the many people I COULDNT CARE FOR... Expect my personal surprise with Theseus, we’re introduced to a man that seems more compelling and complex than Gellert (seriously tbh). Somehow we’re led to believe a guy who constantly (as we’re shown) to reach out to Newt that HES the one making their relationship complicated? When it becomes apparent that Leta and Newt are the two with complicated history and Theseus loves them both deeply????? Enough that he just stands back knowing damn well Newt and Leta have a past but he’s secure in his relationship between all both people he just wants them all to get along. Now, I get that Theseus wants Newt to be an Aura, but we’re also shown he has his reasons to help Newt (ultimately); Theseus showed more character development than ANYONE in this ENTIRE MOVIE (well Albus is second in this) but him CHASING HIS BROTHER TO GET ANSWERS is somehow ‘BAD TEMPER’ according to Tina... like really, almost all the female characters were lacking level-headed sanity purposely written by JKR so I would resent the characters I had grown to actually like???? Nagini is just thrown into the plot as a mother-like figure for Credence but Credence is displayed as some selfish man-child, he can’t reason with Nagini and it leads to their strange relationship ending with Nagini feeling betrayed. And then there’s Leta and her over-played storyline to be cut short by her sacrifice that literally didn’t do anything for the plot but make me want to punch a wall because Theseus is left with a broken heart and a brother who will ditch him in a minute to talk to Albus...  There were other characters that were so lacking in development that if any or all of them died, I felt like I could still sleep like a baby knowing that JKR had made such shitty vapid characters and lack of development, I felt NOTHING for practically everyone. Albus, Theseus, and Queenie had the most emotional complexity but even then, I’m giving them kudos because everything else was lacking so much I clung onto whoever threw an emotional fit first.  The whole dynamic between Albus, Gellert, and Credence really just angered me. Red herring the entire premise of Credence wanting to know his identity so DESPERATELY he was willing to join Gellert’s vague emo posse of a cult, only to be revealed as not a Lestrange (which we had been hyped tf up to know) as, instead, THE BRO ALBUS AND NOBODY IN THE HP UNIVERSE APPARENTLY KNEW OR WAS EVER EXPLAINED JUST WHY ALBUS’ BABY BROTHER IS ON A BOAT TO AMERICA (i’M GUESSING THIS EXPOSITION WILL BE EXCRUCIATINGLY TOLD ONLY TO BE SOME OTHER LIE AND BAM CREE IS DEAD)???? But YES lets not elaborate on the queer baiting of Credence, Albus, and Gellert... JKR just wanted to hype us up for nothing and all of Credence’s development and complexity is summed up to ‘lol ur a dumbledore, cree’ really is a slap to the face. Albus being trapped a majority at the school was a half-ass way for us to not have Albus confront Credence to get him to fin d his answers at Hogwarts... Lets be real.  But basically, everyone wasn’t themselves, people we were introduced to were flatlined or placed in stereotypical tropes, and every exposition turn was a red herring thats never elaborated on or concluded... the lack of goddamn comprehensive dialogue, and we got queer baited by the ever infamous JKR....  and my final take: WHERE THE FUCK IS PERCIVAL GRAVES?????  So, this was my long-ass ranting about this movie and why I probably watched it for the criminal reasoning to hurt myself and be disappointed in the end... Was i surprised? NO.  Am I going to watch the next installment... maybe... just for closure to this epic failure of a second installment.  Thanks for making it to the end, I hope this was less painful than the actual film. 

[marvelmymarvel]

When I Was Older...

Part 1/3

Captain!Intelligence!Lewis Nixon x Captain!Intelligence!Reader

Synopsis: Working side by side with the man you secretly love but openly hate is hard work. He tells you that your plans aren't smart, but he knows deep down that they are indeed lifesavers. But when he doesn't take your word and it winds up in 100 dead men, you two have an explosive fight, and words are said. Some were hurtful... Some were what you wanted to hear all along. 

Trigger Warning: Slight Depression (More like themes, deep sadness is more accurate), arguing, Lew is an ass. 

A/N: Okay listen lol. I know I’m obsessed with doing this to myself and musical imagines... So HERE I AM. Another one for you... And wow it's angst?? Who would have guessed?! (All of my followers blink slowly and nod at yet another Angsty piece of work “She’s at it again”). I have my 10 fics ready for the week so I hope you’re excited!! I am excited to give you this beautiful piece until tomorrow’s first fic at 3pm when Lipton's Wounded story is released. Kisses my loves.

Continue On: Part 2

Song: When I Was Older by Billie Eilish (Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0I4fD49Gbck) Lyrics are italicized, bolded, and in (parenthesis) : (Words).

(When I was older, I was a sailor on an open sea). Being an intelligence officer was something you aspired to be ever since you were a little girl, and you were the best one that the 506th had. You were brilliant, and every man in the 506th made you feel as such. Respecting you as if their life rested in your hands, which it very well did. Lew didn't like that though. “No Lew... They need to go this way, the enemy will expect them her-” “Y/n” He snarled out, cutting you off and stopping you in your tracks. “My plan will work... I don't need you telling me it won't” he spit out angrily towards you, making you sigh out furiously as you gripped onto the table.  (But now I’m underwater and my skin is paler). But Lew... Lew made you feel inadequate. Like you weren't smart enough to even mention something that could be life-saving. You shut down instead of speaking up once more. (Than it should ever be). You always felt like an idiot around him, but you never let it affect you... Until now. When asked by Sink if the plan you two just planned was adequate, you nodded instead of telling him that your gut told you wrong. Men were going to die. (Mhm....). You thrashed around in your bed that night. Thinking about all the men that will lose their lives, just because you couldn't stand up for yourself and push for them to see this mistake. Just because you loved Lewis Nixon. 

You stood above on the hill, watching as the men fought. (I'm on my back again). You inhaled shakily as you took a drag of your cigarette, your heart was racing faster than ever before... You couldn't help them now. (Dreaming of a time and place, where you and I remain the best of friends). You looked at Lew who was slightly in front of you, watching the men through his binoculars. You thought of how you and Lewis were best friends before you reached his rank with ease. You weren't from Yale. You weren't even from Harvard. You were just you. A brilliant mind that could save thousands... And yet, (Even after all this end), Lew somehow made you feel inadequate. Even after the war ended and the battles were won, you two would never, ever be as close as you used to be. (Can we pretend?). Exhaling shakily, you stepped forward, seeing the enemy tanks approaching. (I’m on my...). Just like you planned. (I’m on my back again). “I fucking told you Lewis” You snarled lowly as you stood next to him as he watched Dog company fly out of the trees. “WHO GAVE THEM THAT ORDER” Strayer screamed and you just rolled your eyes. Living... Living gave them that order to run. (It’s seeming more and more like all we ever do is see how far it bends). The tanks continued forward. All of those men. They would have been saved if he would have just listened. (Before it breaks in half and then). Now they were running for their lives. But would Lew listen to you next time? (We bend it back again). He glared at you before moving towards Strayer. Of course not. Almost 100 men died that day. All thanks to you. All thanks to him. 

(Guess I got caught in the middle of it). You hated him, yet you loved him. He made you feel so inadequate and normally, you would argue and fight. (Yes, I’ve been taught, got a little of it in my blood, in my blood). It was in your blood to fight your way to the top. You were raised to stand up for yourself. You wanted something? Fight. For. It. And yet, you failed your father. All for a man, who you loved. All for a man, who hated you. (Memories burn like a forest fire). Thoughts of him and you laughing while drinking at the bar back in Aldbourne burned into your body as you walked to your bedroom. (Heavy rain turns any funeral pyre to mud). Your tears were falling down your cheeks as you felt the loss of those men. (In the flood). You got into the room and slammed the door close, before sliding down it. Covering your mouth to suffocate the sob that was rising in your throat, you felt the guilt. (When I was older). You never wanted this as a little girl. You dreamed of saving lives. Not taking them. (I was a sailor). You cried out as you leaned forward in the dark, sobbing harder and harder with each passing second. You never wanted to be this. (But now I’m underwater). You felt like you were drowning like you couldn't break the surface and breathe. Choking on air, you tried to come down from the panic.  (And my skin is paler). This wasn't you. (Than it should ever be). 

But nowadays... 

Letting out one final sob, you put your head back against the door, looking up at the ceiling. 

It was.

You fell asleep on the floor. Waking up to the sound of someone knocking on the door, you looked out in front of you for a second. Feeling lost and broken, you didn't want to move. “Y/n” Dick called out and you sat up while rubbing your throbbing head. “I’m coming, Dick... Just give me a second” you whispered out as you began to stand up. “Y/n” he whispered through the door and you stopped, staring straight at it. “Can I come in?” He asked kindly, you nodded but realized he couldn't see you, instead you reached forward and opened the door. He saw your messy hair and puffy face, he knew you. He knew the minute everyone came back that you were going to go cry all alone in your room. He knew who did this to you... He hated how Lew showed his love... It was such a tough love. Something you of all people didn't deserve. Lew came around the corner just then and your face hardened at seeing his. Dick turned around towards his friend and sighed, “I think you two need to talk... Now” Dick hissed as he grabbed Lew and pushed him into your room. “Hey! We have work to do-” Lew began but Richard just cut him off with a hand. “You two have to work together, now. Talk Lew. I’ll tell Sink that I couldn't get either of you up in time. You have 20 minutes” and then, he was gone. Leaving just you and Lew in the room. (I’m watching movies back to back in black white). You crossed your arms waiting for him to start, but of course. He wouldn't. (I never seen anybody do it like I do it any better). “Why do you hate me” you stated softly. (Then going over you, I’m overdue for no endeavors). “I don't hate you” he grumbled and you just scoffed before stepping forward. (Nobody lonely like I’m lonely and I don't know whether). You felt his absence ever since you got to his rank, and you were tired of it. You missed him. But he couldn't get over himself. (You’d really like it in the limelight). But at the same time, you couldn't get over him. (You’d sympathize with all the bad guys). You stood there still. Waiting for him to make his next move. As an intelligence officer, you knew the enemies next moves, but Lew? Lew was different. (I’m still a victim in my own right). Lew's eyes shot angrily to yours. “You know that you’re not as good as you think you are?” he hissed and you felt your heart break a little. “Really?” You snapped back finally standing up for yourself “Who fucking trained me LEW” you screamed finally as you slammed your hand down on the table. (But I’m the villain in my own eyes, yeah). “You would be smarter if I trained you” he growled and you just snarkily laughed as you grabbed his collar. Yanking him down to your height. Your lips trembled and his heart broke. Why was he doing this to you? He loved you... (When I was older). “I have wanted this since I could talk Lewis Nixon” you whispered shakily, the anger flooding through your veins as you grew the balls to tell him how you really felt. (I was a sailor). “I am good at this... you know it, I know it.” you snarled as you gripped the collar tighter. He just stared at you blankly, not showing any hint of remorse or emotion for that matter. (On an open sea). “You will not make me feel inadequate or stupid... I know who I am. I know my worth. YOU. DONT.” You screamed in his face and you saw his eyes blink as you saw a fleeting emotion cross his eyes. Guilt? Regret? You didn't know. You didn't care. “And to think” you started up once more as you let go of his collar and walked to the door. “100 men died... Because I was hopelessly in love with a man... Who treats me like shit” you laughed out darkly. Lew’s heart stopped at hearing those words, part of the reason he was mean, was because he thought you didn't like him. It was easier. But now that he knew the truth... It was too late. You blinked away the tears as you opened the door. “I love you” he called out hoarsely making you pause in the door frame. You straightened your back up and turned towards him. A tear fell down your cheek as you mustered the strength to say the three words that resonated inside of you...

“I hate you.” 

The three words made Lew stop breathing as he felt the result of his actions. Turning, you left him there in the room. Heartbroken and shaken. He sat on your bed and rubbed his face. He couldn't hate you for those words... “I hate me too.” For he felt the same way. 

tags: @hell-itwasyou @desired-love-