#i could gladly write meta on them forever

[goldensunset]

You made me want to draw Xion. How dare

same here bestie

[deans-haunted-baby]

Okay I see there are those who are confused as to why most of us are pissed about 15x19 I will gladly explain in depth:

Let’s start off with our boys Adam Milligan & Michael. These characters have not been seen for 10 fucking years. During that time there were Adam stans like myself campaigning like mad to have him and the infamous archangel return for some much needed closure. We had to content ourselves with headcanons, fanfictions and metas based on what we briefly knew of Adam and Michael as people while they unfairly sat in Hell. You might have seen the “Adam’s Still in Hell” memes that circulated. WE WAITED OVER A DECADE FOR THIS. And finally SPN answers our prayers and returns these boys back into the story for the final season. None of us anticipated what their arc and dynamic would look like. Before we could only imagine who these two characters were/are after having been trapped in a cage so long; what their personalities would be like and if they’d be antagonistic to TFW. 15x08 was a surprise because not only were Adam and Michael likable right out of the gate but the writing for them and their dynamic was damn near flawless! And Jake fucking stole the show he killed it as these two. It’s a crime they were not featured in more episodes because the chemistry between these characters is amazing and they’re played by the same dude.

We were given so much background into both Adam and Michael’s psyches in just a short period of time. Their motivations, interests and how they viewed those that wronged them (like the Winchesters); how Hell affected/changed them both and how they viewed their families. We got to see them banter, cooperate with one another and most importantly their different personalities. With Jake Abel appearing in only a handful of SPN episodes, he still fleshed out Michael and Adam beautifully; giving them layers and complexities that most side-characters (who’ve appeared more times than they have) didn’t. The way Jake played Adam’s anger and resentment towards his brothers was brilliant because it’s more under the surface compared to his angsty teenage self in 5x18. He’d become somewhat restrained, laid-back, gentler and wiser which works because Adam displays traits similar to Sam and Dean. He’s kinder and has a sense of humor but none of that distracts from rational thought as he’s quick to analyze and dissect situations. Man, he would’ve made a great hunter/Men of Letters recruit. We know right off the bat Adam’s pissed at his brothers for abandoning him in a thousand-year-prison-sentence and didn’t lift a finger BUT that ironically doesn’t compromise his willingness to help them unlike his past self in 5x18. Jake gets the point across with this character without saying much and that’s what made him so compelling to watch in this episode.

Now Michael was even more of a mystery onion since he wasn’t onscreen as much as Adam had been in past episodes so Jake got to really build on top of this character. Going from the uptight, cold-blooded merciless celestial warrior/dutiful son of God we saw in 5x22 to someone whom despite his arrogance and regal princely demeanor was very human, intelligent, fair, mindful and compassionate. He trusted Adam and respected his opinions even if he didn’t agree 100%. Whereas most angels take over the vessel completely from their original occupant; Michael chooses to share his vessel with Adam as a mutual agreement which says a lot about who he is. He’s fascinated with humanity and wanted to explore it instead of returning to his throne in the clouds. We know that Michael was created specifically to be Humanity’s protector and guardian of Heaven and Earth so these quirks he’d demonstrated in 15x08 aren’t too far off. He holds a lot of pain inside from his abandonment issues with his father whom he loves to a fault and grief over the death of his brothers. On the surface there’s very much an abused child syndrome thing going on with him though he masks it with a domineering presence. And above all this we saw that he was capable of forgiveness. Whether or not Michael always had these traits inside to begin with, its very evident that his friendship with Adam influenced the person he became post-Hell. And that was someone who, like Castiel, chose to rebel for the sake of free will by aligning himself with the Winchesters after witnessing the evil his father had committed. He actually cared about saving the world. This is what we call character development.

What does 15x19 do? It shits all over that. We don’t get to see Adam and Michael’s dynamic at all; and this was perhaps one of (if not the first) most healthy portrayal of a relationship between an angel and its original vessel occupant in the history of Supernatural. Adam is just killed off-screen Thanos style without so much as one last word and Michael barely reacts like he gives a crap. It was just established to us in 15x08 that he’d developed an emotional bond with Adam through years of inhabiting the same body. He protected Adam while they were trapped together in Hell. They were each other’s only friend and source of comfort. They’d developed a certain co-dependency on each other while respecting one another’s space. They’d both made peace with their joint situation. All they had was each other and the writing in 15x19 basically tells us their relationship meant absolutely NOTHING to Michael based on his OOC actions in this episode. He shows up much darker and shadier now that Adam is gone and its like all those years of friendship, things like that independence, newfound strength and humility he’d gained from living with a human for so long are erased. Michael just reverts back to Chuck’s 5x22 bitchboy persona in the most ridiculous 180 shift I’ve ever seen in my whole damn life. And all because his little brother called him mean names. Pitiful. Just when he lectures Lucifer about standing up for what’s right; he betrays his own words, his allies and the rest of humanity in T-minus 2 minutes. That is total character assassination. Nothing about this motivation makes any sense.

There’s no build up to it, no foreshadowing in 15x08 or throughout 15x19 until they get to the lake. He’s completely deconstructed as a character in this episode and rendered weak. It’s like 15x08 never happened. Stripped of all his development for lousy shock value. Instead utilizing all of what he’d learned through Adam and sticking it to Lucifer by proving he could be more than what Chuck tried to mold him into; Michael becomes just another NPC in the story forfeiting the hero he was. And his reasons for siding with Chuck are never specified. Was it about about saving Adam? Was it about proving something to Lucifer (whom he’d already killed in anti-climatic fashion)? Was it all an act that he was in on with the Winchesters; cause there’s absolutely NO FUCKING WAY they could’ve predicted he’d flip on them like that for their magical plan to work. Not after everything Chuck’s done, killing Adam and Jack and leaving Michael to rot in Hell for eternity. And why would he suddenly go along with destroying the Earth when defeating Chuck would probably get Adam back (if that was his goal) which IT DID not to mention its his sworn duty to freaking protect humanity, hello? So his betrayal meant jack shit in the end as it got him killed by his fucking dad!! He’s brought back into the show only to be ruined forever and killed off in the stupidest fashion.

Moving on.

Jack Kline & Castiel. This iron-clad relationship has been in development for 4 in 1/2 years since before Jack was even born. And next to Adam & Michael its the other most healthy relationship on the show. Castiel, a million year old celestial being, spent the first 9 years of his arc on Supernatural following around the Winchesters, being torn between his loyalty to them and to Heaven. He rebelled when he was supposed to be a straight-by-the-book warrior of God. And he defied every rule in the process even when the odds were stacked against him. There was an endless rinse and repeat cycle of love, loss, betrayal and redemption when it came to his relationship with Sam and Dean. It made his character complex, interesting and layered but it still didn’t give him an arc that was his own. Castiel started out moreso being written as just the Winchester’s angel BFF/side-kick. Until Lucifer got Kelly Kline pregnant in 12x08 then things really took off. Before this, Castiel was a lost soul. His faith was broken, he was depressed, lonely, battered and rundown from years of being conflicted over the other angels and Sam & Dean. He felt he’d lost a sense of self and meaning in his life. And didn’t have a mission. Once he turned on Heaven’s orders, Castiel was a rebel angel without a cause so to speak. But like I said this changes the moment he meets Kelly.

Originally Castiel was suppose to kill Kelly in 12x19 because she was carrying the child of the devil and Nephilim are considered forbidden abominations. Told that if Lucifer’s kid was born he could unleash even more evil into the world. But instead of doing what he thought he should, Castiel decides to runaway with her. Choosing to protect her from all threats (Lucifer, demons, other angels, princes of Hell); this especially included the Winchesters. During this short time-frame the angel develops a strong, emotional bond with Kelly and her unborn son that stretches all the way to the S12 finale; to the point where it actually gave him a power-boost. From the womb, Jack appoints Castiel to be his father and protector and he’s given a glimpse into the child’s destiny that he’ll bring paradise to the world. A prophecy that the writers establish head on. This is an unusual circumstance because right here is where Castiel’s solo arc apart from the Sam & Dean takes shape. The journey of becoming a first time parent and guardian. Its a new kind of independence that for the first time has nothing to do with his friends or his family members/colleagues in the sky. Its his own personal mission that he willingly accepts, the second he connects with Jack from inside Kelly. Castiel immediately falls in love with him, before they even see each other; and adopts the boy devoting himself to keeping him safe. Making a promise to Kelly that would later become a vital plot-point in the seasons to come.  

Castiel literally risks everything (Heaven and Earth) to ensure Jack’s birth and ends up dead by 12x23′s startling conclusion. Leaving the newborn infant Nephilim alone in the care of the Winchesters going into season 13; scared, confused and aged into a seemingly 18 year old boy for his own protection. And Alexander Calvert who is a fantastic addition to the cast really brings something wonderful to this role; he’s like a breath of fresh air and a bright light in the middle of a dark room. Jack’s naïve, innocent and curious about his surroundings but also as Castiel once put it “remarkably intuitive”. Right when he’s introduced his arc is intentionally paralleled with Castiel’s. Their alien-fish-out-of-water beginning is practically identical as is their adorable stoic facial expressions. Like father like son. And this helps because while the angel is currently dead in the beginning of season 13, there’s an empty void he’s left behind. So Jack is kind of his temporary stand-in. Odd enough this type of switcharoo would’ve been considered very controversial but it’s handled quite well. Alex is so likable and charming I almost wish Supernatural had introduced him sooner. I mean I really thought I was looking at Castiel’s actual mini-me and not the son of Satan. But I digress Jack’s story in the first half of this season is pretty much about discovery and reuniting with Castiel. He’s a baby so everything is new to him but he’s also one of the most powerful beings in the universe destined for greatness which makes the Winchesters very nervous.

Jack remembers choosing Castiel as his dad which is why he already feels strongly connected to him. Its a bond so powerful that it actually resurrects Castiel out of the Empty the first time. Something Chuck himself was unable to do (that was until the mess that is 15x19). When they’re finally reunited the payoff comes so naturally. Misha and Alex have such a phenomenal onscreen chemistry starting with that first hug; they really play off one another so well that it doesn’t feel like two angels interacting but a genuine father and son duo. So much of what makes Jack and Castiel’s relationship so relatable, deep and endearing is because of what the actors bring to it. But they’re not just a fascinating relationship, they’re compelling on their own too. Both trying to find their way in the world and within the Winchesters’ lives. Death is no stranger to either of them (tragic being that Jack is only a toddler). They’ve each experienced their own personal pain, traumas, life lessons, mistakes and decisions. The biggest for Castiel would be his deal with the Empty to save Jack in 14x08. While for Jack it was the consequences of said deal that would lose his soul causing him to accidently kill Sam and Dean’s mom in 14x18 as a result (something that Jack struggles with immensely to the brink of depression from so much guilt and regret that he’d rather die). Repercussions that would follow into the shows final season. What’s interesting about this deal though is that Castiel made it on parental instinct alone not as a promise to Kelly. He chose to sacrifice himself for the sake of his son as a selfless act of love and kept it a secret from Sam & Dean until his death in 15x18. That’s the extent how much this child meant to him. The other great thing about their family dynamic is that it parallels nicely with the Winchesters. Castiel and Jack share this unconditional love that can never be broken. its even greater than their ties to the Winchesters themselves just as Sam & Dean’s love for each other is greater than any of their other relationships. They would do anything for each other. Castiel would go to the ends of the earth for the little nougat baby because that’s his son.  

Each time these characters were faced with danger or died, Castiel and Jack were overcome with extreme devastation and distress. That said its not just pain that binds these two its happiness. Jack is the best thing that ever happened to Castiel. Literally becoming a father to that child saved him. It brought him back to life, restored his faith and gave him a sense of self-worth and hope he’d long since abandoned. And for Jack, Castiel is the best dad he’ll ever have! He gave this baby comfort, wisdom, nurturing, strength. Was always there when he needed him whether it was to talk or to have his back. No other person in Jack’s life has ever made such an important impact nor made him feel more safe and loved than Castiel. Even when Jack had done such a horrible thing to Mary alienating himself from his family; it was Castiel’s unyielding devotion to Jack that ended up being his salvation. This was huge because once again he’d chosen over the Winchesters proving that no matter what (whether it be the world ending) his son comes first. So when Castiel’s pact with the Empty finally comes due in 15x18 you’d think it’d have an earth-shattering affect on Jack in 15x19. I mean for the first bit it does...until he becomes God. Then its like to hell with that relationship. Castiel is a complete afterthought to Jack and the rest of TFW in this episode. JACK DOESN’T EVEN GET TO GRIEVE HIM PROPERLY. And he just lost his dad because of a deal he’d made a year ago for him. A DEAL JACK HAS BEEN FUCKING DREADING WHILE HE WAS SOULLESS MIND YOU. And when he finally has the power to bring him back, he doesn’t? Jack just walks around with a conceited smirk on his face, bids Sam and Dean adieu and fucks off. I mean who gives a shit right, its only your dad that you love more than anything. This was extremely OOC given that time in 14x14 Jack nearly lost his shit when Castiel got infected with gorgon poison; the anti-venom wasn’t working so Jack resorts to using his powers putting his soul at risk.

I mean if he was so limited to helping Castiel in the Empty AT LEAST FREAKING CLARIFIY THIS TO THE AUDIENCE. This is not about shipping a certain pairing btw. Jack becoming God is not the issue its his characterization after the fact. His first instinct would’ve been to save his dad above getting in touch with the Earth. Yes we knew this transformation was coming it was foreshowed way back in Season 12. Does that justify bad writing or character assassination?? HELL NO.

This is what I’m talking about, episode 15x19 deliberately butchers these characters and their relationships. It shat all over them. No one is behaving like themselves. The pacing is wonky and inconstant. The script feels like it underwent several rewrites and I swear there were scenes cut out. The acting is off too and maybe the pandemic could be blamed for these things but it ultimately falls on the writer. Buckleming screwed up by showing us they don’t know who the hell these characters are, their motivations nor do they give a rat’s ass. And its noticeable on screen. I’ve known better fanfiction writers for SPN than these guys. It’s like they all came back to work but just didn’t care to put the effort into it. That’s why people like me are upset and we have every freaking right to be. Some of us have been with this series for the entire 15 year run. I at least expect these characters to be handled better and for things to make sense. 15x19 doesn’t and its not satisfying its just a cruel joke. The writers and Dabb should be embarrassed to have put this out there thinking we’d just swallow it and shut up. But far as I’m concerned the only thing this episode serves is to disrespect and ruin everybody while angering long-time fans.

MICHAEL. ADAM MILLIGAN. JACK KLINE AND CASTIEL DESERVED BETTER. And that’s the tea.

[twisted-tales-of-all]

A Trip Through Memory Woods

human!reader x wolf-hybrid!Jaehyun ;; Kinktober Masterlist sub!female!reader

“Anon” Request

Summary: Your life-long friend and now boyfriend wants to celebrate your 3 year anniversary with a surprise. Remembering the old days, you decide to make new memories at the same time.

Word Count: 2371

Contains: long-term relationship!au, friends-to-lovers!au, outdoor sex, unprotected sex, mating, knotting, oral sex (female receiving), praise, lots of fluff

A/N: I am posting this one now because yesterday was the anniversary of me and the requester being mutuals for a year. Love you bby, enjoy ^^ also there’s one line that I hate because it’s lowkey meta but couldn’t bring myself to remove because it’s stupid funny to me

As a child, you lived in an area where the only neighbors you had were the creatures that lived in the woods behind your house. Whenever you'd get bored, you would roam the woods and try to make friends with the animals you'd find. One evening, you stay later than usual, humming a tune as you sit on a tree stump and enjoy the scenery. You hear some rustling that draws your attention to a nearby bush, where you see a silver tail resting on the side.

Without thinking, you get off the stump and kneel on the ground, hoping the animal would come out of hiding. More rustling accompanies its movements as it peeks out from behind the bush. You're shocked when you see a human face emerge.

"Hello? I haven't seen you here before. Where are you from?" You ask as you stand up and slowly walk towards the stranger.

Immediately, they flee. You go back to that same spot every day for the next few weeks. When he shows up, he gradually moves closer each day, so long as you don't move from the tree. After a while, he sits next to the stump and bumps his head against you lightly to let you know that he feels safe enough to talk with you.

"Hi! I'm Y/N. Don't worry, I'm nice. Do you have a name?"

He stares up at you for a bit, and you can almost see the mental debate he has with himself.

"Jaehyun... I'm Jaehyun."

"Nice to meet you. Why do you have a tail, Jaehyun?"

He doesn't quite know how to respond, so you brush it off, and the two of you talk until your mom yells at you to go back inside. Over time, you become very close to Jaehyun, telling him about school and your parents. He takes an interest in school, asking you numerous questions and asking you to teach him how to read and write. You teach him four days a week, and, by your 14th birthday, he can read and write as well as anyone your age. 

As the years go by, you continue teaching him everything you learn, including giving him college applications. He asks where you're applying, only applying to those same schools. When you both receive acceptances, he keeps track of which ones you both get, and he follows you to the school you end up choosing.

Rather than living in the dorms, your mom pays for you to have an apartment nearby. Jaehyun moves in with you, and the two of you adjust to college and city life together for the first year. In the summer following that year, Jaehyun asks you to be his girlfriend. You accept, teasing that you thought he friend-zoned you since he waited so long to ask. Now, nearly three years later, you two are happier than ever.

"Y/N, do you think you can take Saturday off from work? There's something I'd like to do for our anniversary."

"Hm? Sure, I can try. Do I get to know, or is this one of your wacky surprises again?"

"I'm planning a trip, baby. It'll be fun." His innocent smile lights up the room as he says just enough to pique your interest without giving anything away.

When Saturday rolls around, your boyfriend wakes you up earlier than usual. He already loaded the car with a picnic basket and some blankets, so he tells you to dress comfortably and come to the kitchen for a quick breakfast before leaving. While you groan and complain about being awake, his boundless energy never falters. Once you're on the road, Jaehyun puts on a playlist of songs that came out the year you met. You compliment him on going all out, but the sleepiness takes over again, so you sleep for the second half of the trip and miss a good majority of the playlist.

He wakes you gently when you reach your destination, and you open your eyes to countless trees.

"Where are we? Did you take me to a forest to murder me? I knew this day would come. Damn, I wasn't prepared."

He flicks your forehead, "Quit joking, you idiot. Look." He points to the left, towards a cabin, "Recognize where we are yet?"

At first, you don't. When you look at the building for a bit longer, however, you realize he brought you back to where you lived when the two of you first met.

You turn to him, wide-eyed, "Oh god, you brought us home!"

His proud smile beams at you as he nods, "I contacted the people who bought it after your family moved out, and they said we could come over today and visit the area. They're out vacationing this week, but they left me the key if you wanna look inside."

You're already halfway out of the car when he finishes talking, but you don't really care to explore the house at all. Even though you lived there most of your life, the surrounding woods hold much more significance than the building itself. So, to Jaehyun's surprise, you walk past the house, trying to find the small clearing you used to sit in. Jaehyun follows you wordlessly until you stop at one particular tree stump, slowly lowering yourself onto it.

"It's here, isn't it? This is the spot we met. I remember it clearly. I'm so glad I eventually stopped hiding and went up to you." He sits down on the floor next to you, just like that first time when you were kids.

You tease him for taking forever to approach, just like he took forever to finally ask you out, but then a comfortable silence falls over the two of you as you both embrace the familiar sights, sounds, and smells of these woods. Neither of you would admit it, but you both missed this feeling while in the bustling, never-sleeping city.

When you stand up to break the silence, you question your boyfriend, "You said the owners won't be home today, right?"

"Uh huh. Why?"

"There's something I had a dream about a while ago that I wanna try out. Do you think you'd be down?"

"What do you have in mind, babe?"

"Well, if nobody is around... We could have some fun here. Make more memories for this spot."

"Oh~ I see what you mean." He stands up and puts his hands on the stump on either side of you, leaning his face close to yours and forcing you back to a seated position out of shock, "How do you wanna do this?"

Seeing his tail swaying behind him, you realize that you've forced him to adapt fully to human life, so you want to experience at least one thing from the other side of him, "How do wolves have sex? They mate, right? Wouldn't it be super special if we mate here? Mating right where we first met attaches another special first to this spot."

He moves one hand up to cover the embarrassment written clearly on his face, "Y-You know wolves mate for life, right? Asking to mate with me is a stronger pact than marriage."

You reach up and ruffle his hair, "As if I'd want anyone else. You're so oblivious sometimes, Jaehyun. I waited years for you to ask me out. I'll gladly be linked with you for life."

His hand and jaw drop at the same time as he looks at with the widest eyes you've seen on him. You can't help but laugh at him for not even suspecting you felt this way despite you being so obvious about it. You leave a quick peck on his nose to bring him back to reality, which results in him pulling you to his chest, hugging tightly. You can feel his body sway as his tail swings wildly from joy.

As he pulls away, he verifies with a bright smile, closely watching your eyes, "Should we mate here, then?"

You simply nod, smiling just as brightly back at him. Without wasting more time, he pushes his lips against yours. The kiss is rough, but not forceful. He reaches one hand behind your neck, supporting your head as his tongue parts your lips and dances with your tongue. Clearly, your boyfriend planned this moment in his head, as he works through the process just as a writer would describe the perfect make-out session. As his free hand lightly pushes you down until you're laying on the stump, he positions his body in between your legs.

With one hand now holding himself up, he pulls away from you to bring his free hand to your stomach. He hooks his thumb under the edge of your shirt, slowly lifting it to reveal your simple, black bra. He lifts the shirt over your head, and you quickly unhook the bra to help him out. He piles the clothes on the ground, throwing his shirt there as well. The cool air hits your hot skin, but he keeps removing clothes despite the cold.

He removes his pants first, then reaches for yours. He looks at your face to verify your consent and begins removing them only after you give him a nod. Soon enough, you're both naked in the middle of the woods as the sun begins to set. Jaehyun drops to his knees, deciding to give you some attention before the sex.

He starts with one big lick, then adds soft licks to your clit. He adds two fingers into your hole, slowly moving them in and out as he alternates between licking and sucking your clit. Your soft moans encourage him to continue, so he keeps it up as your moans get louder. When he hits the right spot inside you, a hand flies to his hair, and you let him know to aim for that same spot.

You feel the tension in your muscles as you get closer to your high. He never once lets up, even when you scream that you're about to cum. You buck your hips against him as you cum, riding out your high as all the tension releases. He pulls his fingers out, sucking the juices off them as he stands up again. He leans over you, smiling at the look on your face.

"That feel good, baby?" He asks as he brushes a stray hair out of your face.

"It felt amazing, Jaehyun." You watch his eyes as they follow his hand's caring movements around your hairline and jawline.

"God, you're so gorgeous."

He continues tracing parts of your body as he waits for you to recover from the orgasm. When he notices your breathing returns to normal, he stands up straight once again, asking if you're ready. You mumble out an agreement, so he lines himself up with your entry. He pushes in slowly, both of you holding your breath until he's fully in. You both exhale and stay there quietly for a bit, adjusting to each other's bodies. When Jaehyun begins moving, he starts slow. You feel everything he does; every little movement feels amplified due to the speed. You beg him to go faster, hoping to feel him hit the right spots. He listens to your request without hesitation, his breathing getting heavier as he does every movement in an attempt to please you.

When he starts losing control, he pulls out, cursing under his breath. You look at him, confused and slightly upset by the emptiness, but he motions for you to turn around. You stand up and turn, bending over the stump and using both hands to keep yourself steady. He holds onto your hips tightly as he pushes back inside you. With the curve of his dick, he immediately brushes against your soft spot, making your legs quiver.

"You alright, babygirl?" He freezes, worried he hurt you.

"Yes, babe. Please, keep going. It feels amazing."

He starts moving again, faster than before. The grip on your hips tightens, sure to leave bruises. After a few minutes, you scream about being close to orgasming again. He replies in between grunts, stating that he's close, too.

"Cum with me, babe." His voice sounds huskier than usual, and it pushes you over the edge.

He lets himself release as he feels your walls clench around him. The warm liquid fills you as he knots, keeping it all inside. His nails dig into your skin as it happens, but you barely notice during the seconds of bliss you experience.

He slumps slightly, resting his forehead on your back as he catches his breath and calms himself down. After pulling out, he takes a seat on the tree stump and pulls you into his lap, hugging you close. You cuddle into his chest and listen to his heartbeat. Your beat syncs with his as you begin drifting asleep in his embrace.

"Don't fall asleep yet, baby. Let's get cleaned up inside and get dressed. You can sleep when I drive us back." He pats your head to keep your attention.

You grumble, not wanting to get up, and mumble out an excuse to sleep now, "But then I'll miss the playlist you made again. I wanna hear it."

He stands up, carrying you in his arms, "It's a playlist, Y/N. You can listen to it whenever you want. Now, let's go, lazy butt."

You wiggle around until he puts you down, accepting your defeat. You grab the pile of clothes and follow Jaehyun into the cabin.

From the looks of it, the new owners haven't changed much at all, so walking inside feels very nostalgic. You sigh, relieved, as some part of you expected it to be entirely remodeled. Jaehyun sees your relief and smiles to himself, proud that he planned this trip. At this point, you take the lead since you know the house layout. You quickly rinse off with Jaehyun before getting dressed and heading back to the car. The water woke you up fully, so you stay awake as you both eat the food he packed and head home, singing to old favorites at the top of your lungs as the beautiful sights fly past the window in the night.

[daenerys-targaryen-moved]

I was watching a devil wears prada character analysis and miranda says in the movie “what are they gonna say about me, dragon lady, career obsessed” in regards to how differently she would be percieved if she was a man and i am like aint those some dany vibes

But the thing is that daenerys is NOT career or ‘throne obsessed’!!! I’ve said it before and y’all bitches best know that I’ll say it again! Daenerys is NOT throne obsessed! Daenerys literally views the throne as a burden that’s been placed upon her shoulders. She views it as a duty that was bestowed upon her as her entire family was murdered, her brother died, her child died, she is the single last living Targaryen (that she knows of) and views the throne as something that has befell upon her out of process of elimination. She has the ‘Well if no one else will do it, then I will’ mentality.

Daenerys views the throne / ruling as a responsibility to help as many people as she can. She doesn’t want it for glory, she doesn’t want it because she simply thinks she deserves it, she doesn’t want it because she feels that it’s her right as the Last Targaryen (as the show did). She wants it because she knows that she has the power and the means to help better the world.

Even though Dany wants to sail to Westeros, Dany constantly chooses to sacrifice her goals in order to stay in Slaver’s Bay and take care of her people:

“There is nothing to stay for,” said Brown Ben Plumm.

“Your Grace, the slavers brought their doom on themselves,” said Daario Naharis.

“You have brought freedom as well,” Missandei pointed out.

“Freedom to starve?” asked Dany sharply. “Freedom to die? Am I a dragon, or a harpy?” Am I mad? Do I have the taint?

“A dragon,” Ser Barristan said with certainty. “Meereen is not Westeros, Your Grace.”

“But how can I rule seven kingdoms if I cannot rule a single city?” He had no answer to that. Dany turned away from them, to gaze out over the city once again. “My children need time to heal and learn. My dragons need time to grow and test their wings. And I need the same. I will not let this city go the way of Astapor. I will not let the harpy of Yunkai chain up those I’ve freed all over again.” She turned back to look at their faces. “I will not march.”

“What will you do then, Khaleesi?” asked Rakharo.

“Stay,” she said. “Rule. And be a queen.” - Daenerys VI ASOS

When Xaro offers her ships to go to Westeros, Dany refuses again:

“Enough.” Dany slapped the table. “No one will be left to die. You are all my people.” Her dreams of home and love had blinded her. “I will not abandon Meereen to the fate of Astapor. It grieves me to say so, but Westeros must wait.” - Daenerys III ADWD

Instead of sailing for Westeros, Dany agrees to marry a man she hates and sacrifices her happiness for the sake of her people:

… but Daenerys Targaryen had other children, tens of thousands who had hailed her as their mother when she broke their chains. She thought of Stalwart Shield, of Missandei’s brother, of the woman Rylona Rhee, who had played the harp so beautifully. No marriage would ever bring them back to life, but if a husband could help end the slaughter, then she owed it to her dead to marry. - Daenerys IV ADWD

“It is not,” she agreed, “but it is important to me that you should understand. My people are bleeding. Dying. A queen belongs not to herself, but to the realm. Marriage or carnage, those are my choices. A wedding or a war.” - Daenerys IV ADWD

When Dany is offered yet another choice to go to Westeros, and this time with a powerful alliance with Dorne, Dany sacrifices this for her people and still decides to marry Hizdahr:

“It would please me if he had turned up with these fifty thousand swords he speaks of. Instead he brings two knights and a parchment. Will a parchment shield my people from the Yunkai'i? If he had come with a fleet …”

“Sunspear has never been a sea power, Your Grace.”

“No.” Dany knew enough of Westerosi history to know that. Nymeria had landed ten thousand ships upon Dorne’s sandy shores, but when she wed her Dornish prince she had burned them all and turned her back upon the sea forever. “Dorne is too far away. To please this prince, I would need to abandon all my people. You should send him home.” - Daenerys VIII ADWD

And when Dany marries Hizdahr and has her wedding night with him, we see just how much she is sacrificing her happiness:

Dany flinched. “Who is there?”

“Only Missandei.” The Naathi scribe moved closer to the bed. “This one heard you crying.”

“Crying? I was not crying. Why would I cry? I have my peace, I have my king, I have everything a queen might wish for. You had a bad dream, that was all.” – Daenerys VIII ADWD

This willingness to self sacrifice that Dany has is tied not only to the fact that she cares about people, but also to the fact that she sees taking care of her people and protecting them as her duty as queen. We can see, in several moments, how Dany is both self-sacrificing and dutiful, and how she is constantly being self critical and reminding herself of her duties as a queen:

“I was alone for a long time, Jorah. All alone but for my brother. I was such a small scared thing. Viserys should have protected me, but instead he hurt me and scared me worse. He shouldn’t have done that. He wasn’t just my brother, he was my king. Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”

“Some kings make themselves. Robert did.”

“He was no true king,” Dany said scornfully. “He did no justice. Justice … that’s what kings are for.” - Daenerys III ASOS

Dany would gladly have sent the rest of the petitioners away … but she was still their queen, so she heard them out and did her best to give them justice. - Daenerys III ADWD

“Your Grace could not have known—”

“I am the queen. It was my place to know.” - Daenerys V ADWD

A queen belongs not to herself but to her people. - Daenerys V ADWD

“A queen must know the sufferings of her people.” - Daenerys VI ADWD

She would rather have drifted in the fragrant pool all day, eating iced fruit off silver trays and dreaming of a house with a red door, but a queen belongs to her people, not to herself. - Daenerys IX ADWD

It was time, though. A girl might spend her life at play, but she was a woman grown, a queen, a wife, a mother to thousands. Her children had need of her. Drogon had bent before the whip, and so must she. She had to don her crown again and return to her ebon bench and the arms of her noble husband. - Daenerys X ADWD

Let it be known that Daenerys Targaryen is not throne crazy, she wants to rule because her ultimate goal is to help people. She wants to protect people who cannot protect themselves. Thank you!

BTW this is me writing this entire meta:

[just-the-hiddles]

20 and 23 for the Meta asks

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Charlie and Adam.  I could talk about those two forever.  I have so much in my mind about them.  It is one of the reason I started writing those little OC drabbles for Charlie.  I mean you can ask me a question about them and I would gladly wax poetic for a paragraph.

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

There are a few.  The sequels to Should... (which at this rate are never getting written) and a Tom starring White Christmas fic.  

Thank you darling!

Meta Asks

[hoshigomi]

2019 in Takarazuka!

This was my first year of living full time in Japan, and so I got to see more Takarazuka than I would EVER have anticipated would be possible to me. I feel really lucky. Here are my thoughts on this year- I didn’t limit any category to one answer because I wanted to give my respects to everything that caught my heart this year. It gets a little long, but feel free to give it a read!

Favorite Grand Theater musical:  My favorite Grand Theatre Musical was Beside the Foggy Elbe, but it was ALSO God of Stars. These shows could not BE more different. Elbe was my favorite show in the way that Yukigumi’s Gaisenmon was one of my favorite shows last year and in the way that Hoshiai is some people’s favorite show. It’s my favorite show maybe EVER in that I cried during every single one of the [redacted #] performances I got to see. I’m not usually a fan of Heavy Serious Show, but this one may be my top favorite show of all time. (Feel free to read my review here- I can not BEGIN to hash out my feelings for this show in this tiny space!) I have literally never seen a show more perfectly suited for the people performing it than God of Stars was to Hoshigumi. It was stomach-ache funny and heart-ache touching and one of the most respectful, brilliant, plays-to-their-strengths, META taidan shows I have EVER seen- for every taidansha, and the upcoming top combi. God of Stars is overflowing with love and humor, and that’s exactly the kind of show that grabs my heart and refuses to let go.  Special honors for 2019 go to Soragumi’s Oceans 11 because I love the hell out of that show and Makaze’s Danny, Susshii’s Saul, Seiko’s Queen Diana, Madoka’s Tess, Moeko’s Livingston, and Kazuki Sora’s Linus were specifically my favorite portrayals of those characters that I have ever seen. 

Favorite revue:  Hands down, the Grand Theatre run of Estrellas. Estrellas felt more like a rock concert than a revue to me at first, and then I learned to put in words that it felt very Chiegumi in a way that I LOVED. This revue flowed like none other, and  I have really special personal ties to it as well, it having been Kai’s last revue in Takarazuka. I wanted to list standout numbers, but is it really a “standout number” if I can list like 12? There was so much CONTRAST and so many OPPORTUNITIES and so much, again, LOVE in the whole thing!! The chuuzume? Playful! The white number? Sincere! I cried every time! The pop star medley? OOF! BACK? INCREDIBLE! Starlight Parade? Beautiful! Estrellas was the best revue of the year and this is a category in which I don’t personally believe there was any competition.  That said, I want to give special honors to Eclair Brillant for showing a side of Beni’s Hoshigumi that we never really got to see in revues (plus that bolero, which might be the best standalone NUMBER in Takarazuka this year, and the kuroenbi which again, blended personality with crisp blacks and whites and was a MASTERFUL passing of the torch), and Krung Thep which I loved a lot, despite having to see it with a weird flip flopped cast (F for Reiko :( ) Even though I only saw that one once some moments (the boxing number, Sakura generally just kicking ass, the chuzuume, Miya and Tamaki’s duedan) really stuck with me. Music Revolution used Pachelbel’s’ Canon and Neon Outfits in a way that I would never have thought would work, but did, and also featured an INCREDIBLY beautiful taidan number despite it being like, no one’s taidan. 

Favorite small theater musical:  HONESTLY, against ALL ODDS, Kamatari. I didn’t expect to even LIKE Kamatari, but between the HAUNTING score, the performances by Beni, Airi, Hanagata Hikaru, Seocchi, Kuracchi, and Mikkii SPECIFICALLY, the BEAUTIFUL set, and the touching and volatile relationships between the characters, I was HOOKED. It didn’t need a complicated plot- the character relationships drove everything, and I thought it was absolutely masterful. This one slid under a lot of people’s radars- please give it a look for yourself if you can!  Special honors to Mozart, which I don’t think I have to explain,  Diamond as Big as the Ritz for looking fun as HELL though I admit I DIDN’T GET TO SEE IT, On The 20th Century (unfortunately forever lost to time but featuring two of the most professional, brilliant lead performances I have ever seen), and On The Town, for being a faithful, loving take on a classic piece of musical theatre that I would have gladly seen more times than I got to.

Favorite numbers: (In no real order)

L’Operap and Bim Bam Boum  from Mozart.

石を割って咲く桜 from Mibugishiden, because those voices give me CHILLS.

The Gift and Bolero, (Eclair Brillant’s sexy, sexy chuuzume and INSANE artsy number, respectively.)

Some Other Time from On the Town.

Pop Star/Hoshi Ni Negaiwo/Starlight Parade/Championne/星サギの歌 in Estrellas.

Beer Matsuri (prologue) in Beside The Foggy Elbe.

The title song from God of Stars.

愛した日々に偽りは無い from Oceans 11

We Need Love and Adventure In The Life from Casanova straight up slaps.

I haven’t seen Aquavitae but boy the theme song is catchy.

Favorite lead otokoyaku role:  Beni in Beside The Foggy Elbe. I woulda given her the award for God of Stars but her Karl was TRANSFORMATIVE and HEART wrenching. It’s always nice to see someone break out of their comfort zone (or in Beni’s case, the zone that she really just gets the most credit for THRIVING IN), and do something new. Karl shocked me in all the right ways. Beni playing vulnerable? Oof.  Special honor to Coto as Mozart because what the fuck how is anyone that talented, Makaze as Danny Ocean (because duh), Tamaki Ryou as Gabey in On the Town because boy does she nail earnest lovesickness, Daimon as Oscar Jaffee (for MUCH the same reason as I loved Beni as Karl), and Daimon as Yoshimura Kanichirou (which yeah I did have to look up his name but boy THAT was also a TRANSFORMATIVE role!)

Favorite lead musumeyaku role: Before me I have two envelopes and one says “Maaya Kiho as Lily Garland” and the other says “Kisaki Airi as Eileen”, and when I open the envelopes they both say “winner.” Maaya Kiho is probably straight up the most talented person in all of Takarazuka right now and I AM prepared to stand by that claim. Lily is very much the lead role in 20th Century, This was a beyond Broadway caliber performance and I would love nothing more than for her to reprise her role everywhere and anywhere. Airi’s Eileen was maybe one of the best musumeyaku roles I’ve ever seen, and she knocked it out of the park with humor, gravitas, earnesty, vulnerability, and skill that comes with being a musumeyaku with That Much Experience under your belt and That Juicy of a role to work with. Special shoutouts to: also Maaya as Christine in Phantom, if that counts as 2019.

Favorite supporting otokoyaku role: Wow, this one is a three way tie. Shocker.   One of my greatest regrets though one I can’t really change is that I never got to see Mikkii as Mercutio in RetJ. The good news is that her performance as Fune no Esaka in Kamatari had EXACTLY the same kind of UNHINGED, POWERFUL, DANGEROUS energy that I love about her Mercutio. If you know me you know I can NOT get enough of Tenju Mitsuki onstage, and this role was a BIG, BIG validation of my obsession. Also a MASSIVE role for her. Asami Jun was DISTRESSINGLY NASTY and impressive as Saitou Hajime in Mibugishiden. If she was onstage, it was HARD if not impossible to look away from her. In 2020 I want nothing more than for Aasa to continue clawing her way up the ladder- she’s one of the ones who’s working to earn everything she’s got, and BOY, does she deserve all of it and more. Tobias, lovingly, lovingly, lovingly brought to life by Nanami Hiroki in her final Takarazuka role was an angel, a (quiet) voice of reason on a stage full of fools in Elbe. She didn’t have much stage time, but she imbued every second she did have with everything that got her where she is today. While he wasn’t an attention grabbing character, the subtle work she did with him was beautiful, stable, and warm. (And what a send off.)  I was also impressed by and want to shoutout to: Seo Yuria as Nicholas in God of Stars, Hanagata Hikaru as Soga no Iruka (also Kamatari), AKATSUKI CHISEI as Chip in On the Town, Kazuki Sora as Linus in Oceans 11, and Amato Kanon as Johnny in Elbe, who didn’t do a whole lot besides yell, and still made my shoulders SHAKE with laughter every time she ran on.

Favorite supporting musumeyaku role:  Hands down, mother fucking Shirayuki Sachika as Hildy in On The Town. Excuse my language but what a brilliant performance, hooooooly shit.  BIG bonus shoutouts to: Junya Chitose as Diana in Oceans 11, Shirotae Natsu as Louise Bollinger in Algiers, and Kozakura Honoka (voice of an ANGEL, does THE MOST character work, BEAUTIFUL NUANCED FULL REALIZED stage presence, IN THE MOMENT ALIVE choices) as Aloysia in Mozart. 

Favorite up-and-comer (and/or shinko performance if you saw any):

Amato Kanon

Amato Kanon

Amato Kanon

Amato Kanon

and 

Amato Kanon

My favorite shinko performance was the God of Stars shinko, led by: Amato Kanon, and my favorite 2020 shinko performance is the Hoshigumi RetJ shinko that I am assuming will also be led by Amato Kanon as Romeo. 

Kanon aside, if you like dancers, I urge you to look at Ruri Hanaka in literally anything. Also, if you see any pictures of Yukigumi 105th Tsukise You, please send them to me. 

Best Ensemble:  Hoshigumi just like in general. I know I say this all the time, but my love for them came from this. Without fail, this troupe turns out ensemble show after ensemble show, and even the things that AREN’T ensemble shows become them because of how every actress milks their background opportunities for all they’re worth. I could write ESSAYS on the shit I’ve seen go on in the backgrounds of their scenes. I could write NOVELS, and I would be doing it for my own pleasure.  No matter how you feel about WHAT they do, I think you’d be hard pressed to deny that they’re a very particular sort of group with a really high, warm, messy but intense type of energy about them. It works for me. They dealt with a lot this year, from their top being VOICELESS on a big taidan raku, to a top combi taidan, to a weather canceled top combi maeraku, and carried themselves through it all with grace and love and smiles and intentional positivity. I adore everything they are and everything they mean to me. This troupe got me through a lot this year, and I consider it such a privilege to be so enamored with every one of them. 

Someone you gained a new interest in:  This year I kept a planner where I had an entire page dedicated to every day this year and on January 2nd I have a little drawing of Yuunagi Ryou’s background sailor outfit from Elbe and the note “I definitely have a crush on her.” Now, 12 months, 3 reijou, 2 ochakai, and two embarrassing half conversations later, I sometimes look at her and go like “oh that one sure is mine now, huh.”  She’s lovely. Watching her onstage is a type of fun and intrigue and ??? that I’ve never had with anyone else. I like her scratchy Showa voice. I like when she dances with her floppy hair. I like that she draws herself as a sheep on all her stuff. I like her half smirk and freckles. I think she’s neat. Thanks, Shimo, for making losing My One True Takarazuka Love a little easier on my heart and eyes. To 2020 and beyond. <3

Someone you did a 360 on:  MAISORA HITOMI! I have to admit that I was not only not excited for her to transfer over, but also kind of angry when she was announced as Coto’s partner. And then I saw her in God of Stars. And I still wasn’t SOLD. I appreciated what they did with her and Coto, and that they were given chances (and some SAPPY meta lines about building a new future together), but I didn’t GET it. (Though BOY is she a beautiful dancer.) And then the Mozart rehearsal footage started rolling in, and the interviews started rolling in, and she was having FUN and coming into her own and adjusting beautifully, and what surprised me most, really PLAYING with her new partner and troupe. And then I SAW MOZART and I was sold. I saw shonichi and I was a teary bleary MESS by well before their duet dance, and in their duet dance I saw FRIENDS, and I saw two people who were LOVING working with each other. I saw two people having fun. Long story short, her role as Constanze was INCREDIBLE and compelling and it’s INSANE when you realize how YOUNG she is. I can’t WAIT to see where she goes from here. I’ve realized that I wasn’t fair to her at first. I adore her now. In my house? We love and respect Maisora Hitomi.  Oh, also Seo Yuria who I’ve realized over the past 12 months that I would not only die for, but also kill for if the need should arise. 

Personal biggest headline:  Kai taidanned this year.  There’s no possible world in which that WOULDN’T BE my biggest headline. They could swap all the tops and make a TMS kid a top musumeyaku and this would still be my big news.. Kai was the person who caught my heart six days into knowing what Takarazuka was and she was just. So perfect to me and for me. The entire experience of getting to be her fan, even for a short time, was a dream. Nothing about it ever felt hard or scary or stressful, and the people I met through her are some of my favorite people in the world to this day. It was a whirlwind of a run and a taidan experience and though I would do it all again if I could in a heartbeat, what we, and what she has now, is beyond I think any of our wildest dreams. I still feel so lucky about her every single day. Runners up include like Beni losing her voice completely during Estrellas senshuuraku (can’t wait for THAT to air on Skystage) and Hoshigumi losing maeraku for Beni/Airi/Mao/Renta/Riran taidan to Typhoon Hagbis (which also evacuated me from my apartment.) They could not catch a BREAK this year.

Favorite (???)  random memory or happening: 

Aasa Trending on Twitter just because she’s hot. 

I don’t LOVE it but the transfers, from Hitoko to Aichan to SEIRA HITOMI??? to Shidou to Ayaki Hikari were all pretty fuckin’ weird.

Shiiran kissing Kai on Star Talk.

Everything Kai did post-taidan. 

The time I saw God of Stars and Beni broke so bad she made Airi almost cry trying to stop herself from laughing and then Coto lost it and they got off track two distinct times before Hanagata Hikaru had to step in and start the scene over. 

Getting called back at a certain someone’s ochakai because I was so nervous I walked away without shaking her hand.

Kanon’s first shinko lead (mic issues and restarted show and all) left me with a hope for the future and a warmth in my heart that I have never felt before. 

Looking at @zukadiary​ at intermission of Kamatari and realizing that whatever summary was on Takawiki up until that day for that show was WILDLY off, and having to look it up to figure out what the fuck we actually just watched, because it sure wasn’t what I anticipated. 

Most looking forward to: Anastasia, which I spoke into existence, and also Hoshigumi’s Romeo et Juliette which you can NOT convince me isn’t going to be Hoshigumi’s second GT.

[razberryyum]

Gintama manga chap 704 (spoilers)

Part 1 of 3

~

Dear Gintama gods and Sorachi-sama,

For the past week, every time I’ve tried to write to you, my fingers would inevitably come to a stop within the first sentence because I would have difficulty committing words to the page. Right after reading this chapter, my mind was flooded with so many thoughts that I thought I would end up writing at least a 10-page letter to you. But oddly enough, each time I would start this letter, I would almost immediately be at a lost as to what to say since the only thing that kept on coming to my mind was THANK YOU. You have made me so unbelievably happy that whenever I think about this chapter, I would smile, tear up, and mentally repeat the words “thank you”. As a result, after numerous failed attempts at composing this letter, I decided to exorcise my writer’s block demons by channeling Yamazaki and commit my thank yous to paper: 704 times for the 704 joyous chapters you have blessed us with for the past 15 and a half years.

You have to understand, for what seems like forever, I’ve been so utterly scared and nervous about Gintama ending: I would worry about when it would end and how it would end, so much so that every time you even mentioned the word “final” anything, my stomach would drop and a sickening feeling of dread would wash over me. Even now as I recall the feelings of overwhelming anxiety I would experience my stomach would still perform little sommersaults and I can practically taste bile at the back of my throat. In retrospect, the last six months have been especially torturous since your threats of ending Gintama started to feel more real. And yet, somehow, every single time up until now, we would miraculously dodge the happiness-ending bullet. The relief always drove me to tears. It’s really been one heck of an emotional rollercoaster...but of course one I would gladly get on it again and again, especially if this is the end result.

I had three fervent wishes for Gintama’s finale: three humble requests that I’ve been desperately hoping you would fulfill even knowing full well that I had no right in even asking you to consider them. I figured if, by pure luck, you granted even ONE of my wishes, I would be so utterly grateful that I would probably pass out from joy. What I never, EVER could have imagined was that not only did you grant just one of my wishes, but you would actually go and fulfill all fucking three of them. Honestly, I still cannot fully believe the bountiful fortune you’ve blessed me with. It feels like I’m still dreaming. What did I do to deserve this? I’m sure nothing whatsoever so perhaps this was a mistake? Either way I am deeply grateful and if I’m going to be honest, a little frightened as well since I feel that your granting my wishes might have caused a cosmic imbalance so now I will constantly be worried about what needs to happen in order for the natural balance to be regained.

If I’m going to be honest, I think my first wish, that none of my beloved characters are killed off, is a bit of a cheat. While I was worried about the emotional fall-out a death scene would bring about, I’ve never really been worried about death as an actual fearful concept in Gintama since you’ve long established that there is an afterlife. That, in fact, ghosts and spirits and even demons have been happily living side-by-side with human beings, so death is not the actual end of existence. Even as I shed a tear over someone’s passing, a part of me would think, but it’s ok, they can now reunite with their loved ones or maybe even come back as a force ghost if the mood strikes you one day. My faith in the afterlife in Gintama is so strong, that even if everyone had actually perished in that Altana flash, I would have been at peace with it because now they’re all together in the great beyond. In fact, I think one interpretation of everything that followed the flash could be that the entire gang is actually in their afterlife.  It’s not the most desirable interpretation, because there is of course a degree of sadness to that idea, but I think there is some evidence to support that notion: Gintoki’s almost melancholic expression through most of the post-blast scenes, and your words about the scale of what was lost over the image of the Yorozuya home. Not to mention the fact that most of the scenes following the Altana blast were so meta and silly that it’s hard to take them as anything but a device for you to reassurances to us about Gintama’s immortality.

And that’s really what’s so beautiful about this ending, because it’s open to interpretation, you have given us HOPE that Gintama can continue to live on, whether in our hearts, memories or even in reality, if you so choose to pick up the story where you left off all over again. You’ve inserted enough loose strings to run with: I personally would love to see what new adventures await the Yorozuya and the rest of the gang in modernized Tokyo. Or, how they would react to baby Takasugi, Shouyou or Utsuro, whoever that is (or maybe the kid is an amalgam of all three of them, with some Oboro thrown in). You can literally bring them back in any timeline and setting, and that’s why I found your beautiful words of our Yorozuya breaking through worlds, eras and panels to be here to wipe away our tears especially poignant since it’s absolutely the truth. You have ended the current story in a way where it doesn’t even feel like an ending, but rather just a pause and a breath before a new beginning.

Continued in Part 2 (posted)...

[coe-lilium]

Would you be willing to rank the major Apocrypha characters (Masters and Servants) from best to worst? I'm curious as to how you would rank them

Gladly :D

Be warned that this will be 90% tastes and maybe 10% narrative/objective analysis. And sorry for taking so long to answer. Also, it got long ^^’

A concise, condensed ver before the cut

- 10+/10, tie between Mordred, Jeanne e Shirou

-  9.5/10: Semirams and Shishigou Kairi

- 8-7.5/10: Vlad, Achilles, Shakespeare, Caules 

- 7: Chiron, Fran, Atalanta, Karna, Fiore, Darnic

- 6, I start not caring: Gordes

- “wasted” and “still bitter after 5 years”, no numbers: Avicebron and Siegfried

- 5-4, it’s complicated: Astolfo

- 4: Sieg (and it might go down to 0, I’m serious)

- 3 to 0: Jack, Reika, Celenike 

Btw, I kept them vague, but spoilers/hints up to vol4 and 5

Rank “will fight the world for them, forever in Higashide’s debt, I wish one day for Nasu to write them himself because I trust the mushroom man to make me love them even more than I already do, 10+/10″: 

Mordred: SHE. Higashide’s best accomplishment in winning me over no matter other flaws. Tie with Gilgamesh as my favorite Nasuverse character ever.

There isn’t a single thing I don’t love about her (bar that atrocious “dress” under the armor, delete that). The armored and casual character design. The backstory as abused and exploited child who tries to break free of her mother influence and plots but ends up following them anyway because of her other parent rejection and, ultimately, how Morgan life lasting damage could not be undone without support. Her snarky, bratty, selfish and ferocious personality she show to the outside world and the hidden insecurities, the good heart and the ability to reflect on her flaws. Her loyalty and her desperate need for parental love and recognition as her own person. Her fighting style that is a delight to read or watch, truly a beast. Her chemistry and relationship with Shishigou, all of it. How it start in that cemetery, how develops over the course of the story, how she manage to open, connect and trust him and ultimately find a real father in him.

If I have to find a “wish this was expanded on” is her written in but not recognised by canon issues with gender/presentation which wasn’t a real issue for me until I read metas here and I’m now quite confused especially on how to write her (him?) in the future, when I’ll hopefully get at it.

The only reason I don’t completely wish for her and her Master to have been made MCs is the love I have for the following two guys and this couple steal too much of a spotlight from other characters.

Still, while theirs is a story more focused on personal growth and healing then deciding the fate of a great number of people or the world, in the end Mordred and Kairi saved each other so it could’ve still meshed neatly with the overall salvation theme. Sadly it was not meant to be but I’m more than content for what we got.

Jeanne: She. Who gets only second place and no caps lock because, a surprisingly good portrayal none withstanding, she could’ve been even better had Higashide done a bit more research (in his favour, I don’t know what kind of books on her are translated in Japanese and if the processes transcripts are among them).

For example I’ll forever maintain that, while the whole “romance” thing has a historical base (funny that, uh?), it required a way better realisation and as it’s written in Apocrypha does her character a disservice. Laeticia too, who was a potentially interesting “device” and could’ve been our outsider perspective, got derailed into more nonsense romance and aww poor Sieg and oh man, who-gives-a-damn: not me.

Also, not enough of a sarcastic spitfire or military prowess (“just waved the flag”, now that’s a funny way to write “half of Charles’ court was impressed by how good she was with every damn weapon”) for my tastes but I guess historical Jeanne is just that irreplaceable or TM chose to emphasise her piety and “sainthood” over other traits in order to avoid an Arturia 2.0.

Not a single mention to her mentors either, in 5 volumes (which is bad, extremely bad, Higashide why) and too much of Gilles de Rais nonsense but unfortunately Type Moon is committed to roll with it. Dunois, La Hire and d’Alencon never, poor me. 

That said, Fate!Jeanne is really a good interpretation, firmly rooted in history and I love, love her. 

Her faith and lack of hate are spot-on and are treated with respect instead of mocked. 

She’s allowed to have a no-nonsense and even ruthless soldier like attitude, a protective streak (which always remind me of that promise she made to a young noblewoman to keep her husband safe and bring him back to her, or how she took care of her young squire. Both survived her) and loth of empathy at the same time. 

She’s down to earth but can also be immature and have flaws and be tempted. 

This post is already long as it is, so here’s some more reasons I love Apo Jeanne: 

Novel Jeanne musing 1       

Jeanne meta from the manga 1

Jeanne meta from the manga 2

My eternal greatest disappointment will forever be the lack of a satisfying confrontation with Shirou. You write someone able to shake Jeanne d’Arc convictions, make her doubt her conduct and moral standing when the threat of torture and the Rouen process weren’t able do so... and you don’t follow on it? Unforgivable.   

Shirou: This guy. This absolute mess of a human being. I need more and no, GO, “evil alternative self” isn’t what I mean (but yeah, gimme him too). After discovering him in Apocrypha I started digging my university library to hunt down his IRL self story and there is no higher accomplishment for a Fateverse character for me.                                                                                    Fascinating person and fascinating take by TM, double so since I discovered dude’s still being vilified in contemporary Jp stories/entertainment and man do that enrage me.

It’s like someone mixed up a character I love (Kirei), one I loathe (Kiritsugu), shaked it and the result it’s the best possible one I could ask for. 

I like the character design (both), the historical and post 3HGW backstory and how it shaped him into a Jeanne opposite (for excellent reasons), the most “Kotomine” traits like the snark and trollish attitude and how they cover all the suffering, despair and hate boiling under the constant smirk. How Higashide avoided the “turned evil” interpretation that’s prevalent in jp entertainment and made him a good person and a hero, if a misguided one and also the trapping of a “void/hollow inside” personality and instead gave him those fragments where you see he’s still a 17yo kid. 

He’s not just interesting, he’s funny to read, even with all the angst going on.  

The interactions with Shakespeare are great and... his relationship with Semiramis. Man, that’s excellent, excellent stuff. Can’t gush enough about how much I love them together

My only great complaint -for now, until I see a certain late discovery with my own eyes- is that all the narrative build up and comparisons between him and Jeanne (done in-universe and acknowledged within the text mind you, I’m not headcanoning here) went wasted. 

How can you write two characters who mirror each other so perfectly, put them as “head” of their factions, in the same role both... and not deliver with a confrontation? The only thing that tried to do so was -ironically- the anime in ep #13, as their confrontation in the novels wasn’t as personal and as good as the anime.      

Rank “good, excellent civilisation, never get tired of them”, 9.5/10

Shishigou: best father ever, 100% should legally adopt Mordred. He was/is extremely enjoyable to read about, snarky, smart, his fucked-up magus backstory had long lasting effects but managed not to destroy him, on the outside your tough, broody mercenary making hard decision but actually a good, moral person with a caring nature and, again, a great father. 

As already said, his and Mordred narrative is less tied to the different views of salvation theme and more to the “people making their wishes come true” and they’re bit of outliers for the whole duration of the story but I wouldn’t change a thing (except one T_T). 

His relationship with Mordred is one of the absolute highlights of Apocrypha for me, in every medium.

Semiramis: shallow reason first: charming, scheming, hot asshole-ish royalty in league with a Kotomine troll, what more could’ve I asked for?                        That she was an interesting char in her own right, which is what I got.          

More in-depth, she’s another character I never have enough of. Begrudging sole responsible adult of red team, I couldn’t help but grin every time she had to deal with AKA team or single members, not to speak of her scenes with Shakespeare, which are both amusing and very good for characterisation. 

She may not have that much of screen time compared to other faves but earned her place by making what she had memorable. 

Her backstory is simple: abandoned child learns to exploit her society view on women to rise to the top and get everything she wants and fuck everything else. Which not only neatly establish how and why she became what she is but also why this broken kid, which is a sort of her exact opposite, fascinate her so much. 

Speaking about our broken resident Kotomine, her chemistry with Shirou is simply great, all of their scenes are a joy to read. They have fun plotting together, they (she, dude’s either too young to notice or just let it go) casually flirts, have a functioning, mostly open relationship from the get-go that works no matter how messed up they really are and get each other’s back until the very end. Most of the more lighthearted stuff is in vol 1-2, then things gets more interesting. 

See, as much as she seems to be (and like to present herself as such to enemies) the perfectly devoted Servant and is aiding Shirou… she’s also truly villainous, cold and ruthless as hell and is also very conflicted and switch back and forth on what she wants, not much as out of the War as instead from her Master in particular (don’t think bad… okay, do) for the whole series. Vol3 and 4 are a godsend for her character and you dunno how I wish we had more than a bare bone summary for vol 5 because god damn some things in that summary. 

With the many, many stay night or Zero parallels and homages in Apocrypha, she come off as a sort of reverse Zero Gilgamesh and Gilles in being, respectively, the devilish member of the  Kotomine - Servant pair and the “personal involvement/interest in the saint figure, sometimes verging on the creep-ish, predatory behaviour" one (Gilles was 100% full on creepy mode, Semiramis keeps her thoughts for herself and is just tempted. I strongly appreciate), “reverse” for being conflicted, but in the end being a better person than both dudes above and respecting and knowing her partner enough to let go of her worst desires/frustrations. There’s some really good stuff in these two’s relationship, let me tell you. 

If Mordred-Shishigou take the cake for best platonic relationship in Apo, Semiramis and Shirou single handy destroy every competition for the romantic one. 

Rank “You. I like you”, 8-7.5/10

Vlad: here’s someone I’m pretty content with how he’s written (I wouldn’t change a thing), but really wish had had more space just because I enjoyed him a lot. Higashide nailed him and I wanted more of a historical Vlad III who is a hero, a good ruler caring for his country and a ruthless warrior and executioner and none of this aspects negate the others. Plus, it was refreshing to see a Vlad III being so clearly separated from the “vampire” twist that his wish for the Grail was to erase book and legacy from existence.

Achilles: a simil Alexander, I dislike the IRL/myth dude but can’t stay mad with their Fate incarnations. I like his personality, his quirks, his relationships with Chiron and Atalanta. Loved the mocking duel (and the anime committee will hear me scream from the other side of the world if I get robbed of it  yeah, I wrote this part before ep17. Fuck you A1). 

I don’t even think he needed more screen time, he’s really fine with what’s shown. Not every character need to be a main one and Achilles manage to be a good secondary one, with enough development and characterisation.

Shakespeare: here’s an enjoyable dude I like to hate. Amusing character, his interactions with Semiramis and Shirou are a joy to read or watch, but, fuck this guy. May Moriarty and Saber Gilles have their way with you in Chaldea.

Caules: one of those rare beasts known as “perfectly functioning siblings” of the Nasuverese. Respect his Servant and tries to do her right till the end. A good dude.

Rank “could’ve shined more in a longer and more focused series, but okay” aka those who served their purpose, 7/10 

Chiron                                                                                                            Atalanta                                                                                                          Karna                                                                                                                Fran                                                                                                                  Fiore                                                                                                                Darnic

Not really anything to say about each one here. They’re fine as they are.            

Could’ve used more Darnic, the 3HGW is a fascinating subject no matter who the Einzbern decide to summon and his actions shaped the whole world of Apo. Personally I’d have cut the Jack business and expanded him as a character/treat, maybe to shed light into CT politics and magus society fuckery (because if there’s something the Yggdmillennia as a whole and each one of them in particular show is how the magi society is an aberration that twist and corrupt everything it touch). But in the end I know it was either Ygg vs CT as promised or Rulers against each other and I’ll gladly take the latter.  A longer series could’ve had space for both, who knows.

Rank “nice arc. There are more interesting people but I’ve come to appreciate you” 

Gordes: Probably the human character who experience more growth in the series.

Rank “wasted” and “decent what little is there, perhaps, but still bitter after five years”

Avicebron: also know as the poor thing similar to the antagonist in background and wish that could’ve worked with the themes while also being a personal foil to the protagonist in being a golem/artificial life creator and user but the writer couldn’t/wouldn’t bother with him for some reason and he only got to be the “Gilles de Rais summon Chtlulu and heroes have to team up to bring him down” of Apocrypha, with no other purpose than being a Zero “homage”. 

To add insult to injury, the Adam threat does literally jack shit on a narrative point because “Servant goes stray and threaten the world, Servants form both factions have to team up to defeat him” already happened, 2 episodes before for the anime, end of vol2 vs beginning of vol3 for the novel version. And Mordred and Shishigou making an alliance with the surviving Black members was already going to be a thing after the Gardens mess. Shame, shame and shame.

Siegfried:  tainbocuailnge here has written some good meta about him lately and, yeah, perhaps all of that was intended, and I can kinda appreciate it. The point is that I couldn’t give a single crap over the OC when for him to come into being means sacrificing freaking Siegfried. I may not have read as much or being already attached to the literature/epic character like other cases but… no, just no. Siegfried deserved way better than what he got in Type Moon. 

Add more personal bitterness because with such numbers I thought it was finally time for the Heroes to shine and for the Masters to be sidelined and instead we got super special super powered MC. To hell with it.  

If anything, Siegfried may be the only character the anime did more good than damage. He’s still there and sometimes get to act as a mentor instead of being a useful power up and then fucking off for the remaining 4 volumes.

Rank “I tried to like you, I wish I could like you, but I cannot stand you no matter what”, 5-4

Astolfo: I’ve tried to like him but to no avail (rest assured, though, that I’ll deck anyone who’ll try use that t*ap or “girl” bullshit). 

It has to be that unholy combination of extremely airhead personality and mannerism, all the screen time he gets that could’ve gone to my favourites, that idiotic attempt at a “love triangle” (for the love of God, Higashide) and a voice acting that, I swear, even if I already didn’t like him from the novel the anime would’ve been the nail in the coffin. All these combined make him grates on my nerves like few other Fate characters. Perhaps part of my distaste comes from being unable to shake the feeling that the author himself don’t respect him.

I realise it’s quite… unfair, because on the page he has everything I usually like: he’s brave, he’s kind, he has morals and will maintain them in front of everything, he stand up to assholes, he save and inspire people, you can overpower him as much as you like and he still won’t care and will still fight you. 

Astolfo is a good, decently written character and I really wish the franchise would just stop using him as a joke and stop being so gross to him in order to cater to even more gross “fans”. 

If I were to put tastes/guts feelings aside, I could praise him for pages. I simply can’t bring myself closing the gaps from appreciating the undeniable qualities to actually like the character. 

Rank: fluctuating between “your concept should’ve been handled by a more experienced narrator” and “goddamn, does your very existence piss me off”, pending more on the second as we go on, less than 4

Sieg: on the page kid’s got a good arc. An homunculus, a magus’s tool, trash to be used and disposed off, gains consciousness and, shaped by what he witness and the actions and sacrifices of heroic figures, rise to free his kin from their slavers and then find himself fighting to “save the world”. How he attained freedom and have come to interpret it and his experiences put him in the path of the antagonist and the two and their “ideologies” makes for an interesting double face of the coin, forced salvation vs free offer and answer to actual prayers. Sounds pretty great. 

Unfortunately, Higashide aimed too high for his skills or didn’t learn well from Nasu and Shirou Emiya, or both. 

Otakus mad because he “got the waifu” aside, Sieg do come across as too damn lucky and overpowered and there is a limit on how much the in-universe reason “damn, the Counter Force had to work hard to give him a chance to stop a Heroic Spirit with hundreds time his experience” can go before the readers start getting annoyed at Heroes dropping dead or getting sidelined just to push him forward. 

I’m not a fan of these buzzwords, but the impression he’s a fan fiction OC that force the original and more interesting cast to revolve around/sacrifice for him or hijack their plots is damn strong. Scrap it, it’s not an impression, it’s exactly what happen. In at least 4 or 5 cases. 

There were also too many times he bore me to death so not really what you want from your protagonist. 

Another thing, more grave than personal preferences: his wish/fight firstly go nowhere, then get resolved too quickly without a fuss and then, once his goal has been effortlessly achieved, he proceeds to tag along and stole duels and confrontations from other characters, on which he had no stakes nor reason to be. What kind of writing is this?! He get the contract with Astolfo, walks in the castle and the Yggd agree on releasing the homunculi. And that’s it. Wow?

Also here’s my 100% personal reason for not having an ounce of interest in Sieg, godly writing skills or not: for once, just once, we could’ve got our first Fate solo female protagonist. An all-around badass but, at the same time, not an Arturia nor Shiki nor Arc nor Aoko clone. Who just happened to be my favourite historical figure ever.

Could’ve kept the same theme of opposing concepts of salvation, brought the Ruler vs Ruler/Saint vs Saint thing in the spotlight, with all their nice baggage of similar lives resulting in  opposite views by different regrets and traumas, faith or lack (that instead got all swept under the rug, and man if the self awareness of vol4 isn’t something to behold) and after five years I still feel personally robbed of all of this, especially when it became clear Apocrypha was yet another “male protagonist with the world revolving around him while the female heroine gets to be his support/sidekick. Oh, and as already said, he get the confrontation with whom the narrative builds as her rival”. Because of course he does. 

You don’t sideline Jeanne frigging d’Arc and expect me to forgive you for it.

Rank “why are you even here, why are we wasting anything on you”

Jack and Reika: ye god, why. The concept behind this Jack the Ripper? I find Fake ver superior but I’m on board. Then, first, that fucking character design. Sorry BL, reddit, MAL and whatever: putting a child in a thong is a revolting choice of character design and no, there’s no “well, she learned from prostitutes” that count.    I appreciate at least the connection made with Atalanta. But the execution. Their “plot” drag and drag on and goes nowhere (hilariously so in the anime. What was the point of Jack killing some random homunculi and disappearing for the whole arc, again?). Their only narrative purpose is doing ???? for roughly three volumes, *do that* to Atalanta and shaking Sieg’s worldview. At least they grant Jeanne some badass solo scenes and to us more insight on her character. Still the equivalent of a anime-only filler, and a bad one. 

Pity, really, because a child Jack who 1. is a child and act as one and 2. get heavily influenced by her/their Master and thus could either become a better person or be exploited wasn’t that bad of a twist for a famous figure but the pair was never allowed to be more than “Apo pair of rogue murderers”. 

Celenike: just… begone. I cheered when she died in the novel, cheered loudly when she died in the anime and will cheer even more loudly when she will die in the manga. 

[2187nomore]

Finn’s Rules & Verses:

I got a request from someone who can’t see my pages while on mobile, so for anyone else having trouble here they are! Note that while I don’t change my rules much (or basically ever lol) the VERSES information here is definitely not going to be up-to-date because I am forever making new aus...but here’s a start, at least, to give you something to explore until you get back to your computers!

Mun is named Nicky and is well over 21. Muse’s age will vary. Multi-ship and multi-verse.

RULES:

Following and Mututals:

This is a sideblog of nickyrp and as such cannot follow back.

We do not need to be mutuals to send memes or starters. Feel free to throw things like that at me at any time even if we’ve never played or plotted before. If I’m not interested or just too busy etc I promise I will let you know politely and not just leave you hanging!

If you want to play please send me a message or toss me a starter; I’m bad at paying attention to my follower count and probably didn’t notice your subtle arrival! Or thought you wanted to lurk idk. Say hi!

If you are a multimuse with a lot of characters or a lot of fandoms all on one url, I may not follow you because that tends to be overwhelming for me. It’s nothing personal nor a comment on your writing style; it’s just more than I can easily keep track of, myself. (That’s why mine are all on their own sideblogs.)

If I can’t read your blog (small text, low-contrast colors, etc) I will not interact with your character. I don’t have the best eyes and straining to read sucks all the fun out of rp. If you need any of my formatting or color choices adjusted for your own ease of accessibility please let me know! I will do so happily.

You can reblog any of my shit (headcanons, graphics, verses, meta, whatever) even if you’re a personal blog, I don’t care; it’s all one fandom imo. That said please don’t reblog my interaction threads with other people because most rp-ers do not like their things reblogged and I want to respect that. If I reblog anything of yours you do not want reblogged just let me know and I will delete it; I promise it’s just because I thought the thing was cool and got excited!

Interactions:

I am always up for trying new things so if you have a crazy idea, please hit me up! I promise I rarely disintegrate anyone.

I am happily open to interacting with Original Characters! I need to know who your character is though, so if you don’t have a bio or background I can find on your blog I’m not going to be interested.

I will not write smut with anyone under the age of eighteen.

If I ever do something that upsets or confuses or offends you, please let me know. It probably wasn’t intentional and I always want to be called out on problematic behavior because how else can I learn to do better? I promise to react apologetically, not defensively.

Formatting:

I’m a visual person so I like icons and gifs and will almost always incorporate them. If you don’t want to use images that’s cool with me, but I majored in comic book art so I enjoy the marriage of words with images. I should further admit that interactions with visuals do tend to keep me more excited than plain ones – I’m shallow!

I’m not a big fan of fancy formatting. I don’t mind if you use it but I don’t. Feel free to adjust my formatting to suit your aesthetic if that makes you more comfortable, but I’ll likely keep mine simple.

If you need any triggers tagged message me and I’ll do so gladly.

I am extremely uncomfortable with reylo due to the fact that I interpreted Rey as being analogous to Jaina Solo within the opening minutes of TFA. If you play either Kylo Ren or Rey and enjoy that ship, I ask that you not reference it in any interactions with my Finn, and furthermore that you tag it so that I can blacklist. Thank you!

Canon & AUs:

I have as of yet read very little of the expanded universe materials for the New Canon (a few comics, the Thrawn novel, etc). As such, my portrayal of Finn may at times be lacking in regards to supplemental canon information. Please never hesitate to inform me of any details relevant to your character or any ongoing/burgeoning threads. I appreciate that assistance!

As far as the Legends EU goes, I have read most of the old novels (excepting NJO period) and many of the Dark Horse comics but that is a lot of material and I do not promise to remember everything. Please let me know if I make a mistake or assumption you do not agree with; I promise I will not be offended!

I will generally default to putting Finn into the canon of the Sequel Trilogy because that is where he comes from, but I am happy to play him in Legends Canon too – just let me know! If you don’t indicate verse/time on a meme or starter, I might pick another verse (or make a new one) so please indicate where you want to play if you have a preference!

I also love making AUs whether canon-divergence or totally off-the-wall so please don’t hesitate to throw new verses my way! I love both plotting and winging-it when building new worlds, so don’t be shy!

Characters Relationships & Shipping:

Platonic Ships: For my interpretation of Finn, friendship takes precedence as the most important thing in his life right now. He never had a chance for much of that in his life before leaving the First Order, and he’s still getting used to the idea of caring about people and being loved in return. So please, bring me all the platonic ships – pals, mentors, comrades, buddies, frenemies – you can think of!

OTPs: My favorite ship would be Finn/Rey/Poe and I would be thrilled to play out some polyshipping. I also like the idea of Finn/Poe and Finn/Rey on their own, and while I don’t think TLJ gave us enough to build a Finn/Rose ship from I would be thrilled to explore that option properly in rp as well. Likewise Finn/Jannah although to be frank I like the idea of Ex-Stormtrooper BFFS even more than Ex-Stormtrooper Lovers, but really anything’s good there! Honestly provided that there is chemistry and a basis in friendship to build the ship from (whether that be formed via interaction or plotted ahead of time), I’m probably down. Interspecies ships with non-human characters are also welcome!

NOTPs: No teacher/student, adult/minor, or incestuous ships, please. Given Finn’s history, I am very unlikely to ship him with any First Order muses in anything outside a massively different AU but I’m not listing them as strict notps because let’s face it: I love AUs.

One-Way Ships: I will never force a ship on you. I expect the same courtesy in return. That said, you are more than welcome to have your character express unrequited romantic feelings toward mine. If it ends up crossing the edges of my comfort zone I’ll let you know!

Main Faceclaim: John Boyega

VERSES:

While I will readily play in canon verses, I am also a big fan of AUs and canon-divergent verses. If you don’t see something here that looks like your cup of caf know that I am always happy to plot out a new one! (Note that while I will always write Finn as being Force Sensitive, he will not always know he is and thus his connection with the Force will vary from verse to verse. Any questions, ask!)

SEQUEL TRILOGY VERSES:

Pulled the Trigger (alt-TFA): FN-2187 did not enjoy the battle – the slaughter – on Jakku, but he did what he was trained for. It didn’t matter that it made him sick. He obediently returned to Jakku to search for a droid and found more than he’d bargained for: a girl who thrashed half his unit with nothing but a stick. 2187 eventually got the drop on her but Kylo Ren’s impatience sent an airstrike, and in the ensuing chaos 2187 had no option but to pretend the reason he hadn’t shot Rey was because he was a Resistance sympathizer. They fled together and returned to the Finalizer to rescue the droid’s master. 2187 figured he would tag along and turn them in as soon as he got a chance…but they succeeded in their mission, and the longer he spent with the Resistance, the more he began to think he didn’t want to leave. Too bad he’s already reported their destination to the First Order…

The Newest Hope (alt-TFA): Finnick Peckhum has always been able to hear the voice of the Force. For years, he tried to ignore it – but eventually the call was too loud. Finn followed it Ahch-To, to Luke Skywalker. The self-exiled Jedi Master was reluctant to train a new student after Kylo Ren, but even he could not deny the will of the Force itself and gave-in, teaching Finn the Jedi arts – but another call summoned him back. The young Jedi Knight arrived on Jakku just in time to help a scavenger escape a First Order patrol. Finn heard the Force in Rey too, and knew he had to train her in the ways of the Force – and to find the Resistance led by Luke’s sister, Leia. With a Jedi Knight and his Padawan on their side, the Resistance finally stands a real chance. Together he and Rey will take the fight to Kylo Ren, intending to right the balance he upset with his turn to the Dark…one way or the other.

Another Kriffing Farmboy (alt-TFA): growing-up with a loving, hard-working family on a planet so far from galactic civilization it might as well not even be on the charts, Finn Peckhum never gave much thought to politics – until the First Order bombed Ennth and destroyed everything he ever loved. Frightened of their overwhelming might, Finn gave no thought to revenge until yet another low-paying freighter job took him to Jakku where he crossed paths with a droid and a scavenger desperate for a ride off-world. Agreeing to smuggle them in the ship he worked on in exchange for a hefty reward seemed like a chance to safely tweak the First Order’s nose until they blew up that ship, too, leaving Finn and his new allies to flee in the first wreck they could get their hands on. As things got more and more dangerous, Finn kept meaning to leave – but somehow, he never got around to it, and the next thing he knew General Organa was handing him a blaster and welcoming him to the fight…

There Is Another (alt post-TFA): while the lightsaber never called to him the way it did Rey, something helped him retain his humanity through the First Order’s brainwashing; something helped him hold his own against Kylo Ren with a weapon he barely understood…and that something was the Force. While Rey was off seeking Master Skywalker, General Organa helped tutor Finn in his own Force skills while his body knitted itself back together under the tender ministrations of Resistance medtechs. He might never be able to able to best a true master of the Force, not without more thorough training anyway, but Kylo Ren was no Darth Vader. And with the new lightsaber he’s just completed, Finn can’t wait for a rematch with the monster who almost severed his spine and broke his teacher’s heart…

Trusted Leadership (alt-TLJ): most of the Resistance’s leadership was lost in the explosion that wounded General Organa, but General Antilles had always been a cockpit warrior himself and hadn’t been anywhere near the ship’s bridge. When Poe took the plan he, Finn, and Rose had concocted to him, Wedge was happy to put his own resources behind the scheme and with a reliable slicer in tow, they infiltrated the Supremacy and shut down the tracking program, allowing the Resistance to escape. Holdo was furious with Antilles but he had the rank to whether her temper, and thanks to the timely arrival of Rey and Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon, the infiltration crew made it back to the fleet only a little the worse for wear. The Resistance went to ground to lick its wounds and plan its next strike against the First Order, and Finn was officially inducted into the fight by a recovered Organa.

The First Pebble (alt post-TLJ): no one ever gave much thought to stormtroopers as people, not the First Order or the Resistance either. They were just there, anonymous and disposable shock troopers…but they weren’t. And Finn proved that both to the galaxy and to his former comrades. Within the stormtrooper ranks, his choice started a revolution. When word got around that he had even bested the mighty Phasma, not once but twice, well…it made all but the most strident diehards take notice. Now Finn wasn’t just some ordinary defector; he was a rallying cry. The first time a stormtrooper unit got in touch with a request for help defecting, Finn thought it was a fluke – but Poe Dameron knew better. He knew this was the start of an avalanche that might bring the First Order down from the inside…if Finn is brave enough to make himself the face of this new revolution.

Matched Lightsabers (alt TROS): in the wake of the Resistance’s near-obliteration on Crait, the survivors have to work harder than ever – which in Finn’s case means more than just running missions and pitching revolt to stormtroopers. It means training with Rey and Leia in the use of the Force. He was an uncertain, reluctant apprentice – but Leia was adamant that he learn, and Finn could no more say no to the General than to the Force itself. Confidence was his biggest hurdle. What business did a former stormtrooper have learning to master the Jedi arts? It wasn’t until he and Rey walked onto Exogol that Finn finally admitted to himself that he was a Jedi – a declaration that nearly killed him. Together, they managed to defeat the half-resurrected Palpatine and restore peace to the galaxy. Now Finn faces his biggest challenge: how to teach as well as learn.

The Next Jedi (post TROS): Finn never expected to become the first apprentice of the New Jedi Order – never really wanted it, if he’s honest. But the Force had been whispering in his ear for years and eventually, that whisper became a shout he could not ignore. Even with the First Order crushed to ash and dust, there is plenty to be done patching the galaxy back into shape and building a new government to keep people both safe and free; plenty of things for Finn to focus on instead of his training, working with Poe and Rose and Kaydel and Chewbacca…but Rey is stubborn, and so is the Force. Even if it scares him as much as it entices him, Finn is going to have to learn…and alongside his friend and teacher, someday construct a lightsaber of his own.

Stormtrooper Advocate (post TROS): Finn knows that Rey wants him to focus on his Jedi training while Poe and Rose want his help with their diplomatic efforts – but Finn knows who really needs him now: all the lost stormtroopers recruits who need to dig their way out of the First Order’s brainwashing and learn to be people. It’s a lot of trauma to recover from; a lot of indoctrination to unlearn. Alongside Jannah and her crew of defectors, Finn is spearheading the reclamation effort. Whether that means designing programs for prisoners, negotiating cease-fires with stranded units, taking whole bases down with stun-blasts for forceful deprogramming, or just giving broken kids someone to talk to, Finn won’t give up on these people. They're his people and it’s his responsibility to save them. If he doesn’t, who else is going to care?

Running All His Life (alt post-TROS): as long as Finn could remember, he’s been running away from something…but it wasn’t until facing Kylo Ren in battle that he realized that something was the Force – and that realization terrified him. Watching Rey struggle to master Leia’s teachings and learning more about how Ben Solo had become the monster in his nightmares only cemented that fear, and Finn did everything he could to deny what he’d long known was true: he could feel the Force, too. He knew he was being a coward, letting Rey face that burden alone; lashed-out at Poe for keeping secrets about his past out of guilt for his own silence…but he couldn’t, daren’t, admit the truth to anyone. When Rey tried to tell him she could sense the Force in him, he denied it; when she started searching for Force Sensitives to train, he threw himself into his work rebuilding a galactic government alongside Poe, Rose, and Jannah instead. But every day the voice of the Force in his head is getting louder; how long can he keep running?

A Knight Of Ren (alt Trilogy): the First Order tests all their stolen “recruits” for Force potential, and they found it in the one designated FN-2187. Trained alongside the next generation of the Knights of Ren – mostly taken from the First Order’s youthful conscripts, some gathered along the way – to wield the Dark Side and serve Snoke and Kylo Ren, Finn was loyal and devoted…and troubled. While he was a strong Force user, he could never fully commit to the power of the Dark Side; never completely embrace it. Knowing that his doubts made him weak, he did his best to push them away…but then he met the girl from Jakku, and his whole world went sideways.

LEGENDS EU VERSES:

Rebel Defector: just because snubfighter jockeys and ranking officers made the splashiest exits when they left Imperial service didn’t mean they were the only ones. For stormtrooper conscript FN-2187, the Empire was the only option – until stunts like the Rand Ecliptic and monstrosities like Alderaan changed his mind. Getting away from the Empire alive wasn’t easy, but when Finn was assigned guard duty for a Rebel prisoner he knew his chance had come. Talking half his unit into coming with him and dosing the other half in stun blasts, he marched the prisoner onto a Lambda-shuttle for transfer to the Lusankya…and then the rebellious stormtroopers overpowered the Imperial pilots, opened the Rebel’s binders, and jumped to freedom. Adjusting to service in the Rebellion’s infantry was difficult, but not as difficult as carrying-out Imperial orders. And maybe someday, he’ll make up for what he did for the Empire and can go on to have a normal life at last. (for Rebellion and New Republic-era interactions)

More Coming Soon! like literally as soon as soon as someone asks for or suggests one, I love AUs. Don’t be shy!