#i could talk endlessly about this

[italoniponic]

things about Kimi ni Todoke that I didn't expected that I would love so much:

the cool and popular™ main boy is actually pretty chill and normal but he falls for the awkward unintentionally scary™ girl first. and HARD. LIKE POOR BOY IS FULL FACE BLUSHING AT HER SMILE ALONE;

the love rival girl and the main girl resolve their differences and (funnily one-sided) rivalry and become best friends;

the first best friends of the main girl can be considered mean delinquents at first but as things turns outs, they're very sweet and caring. truly caring, 100% supportive and certified comedy duo™;

the main boy's male best friend is the definition of chill;

PEDRO MARTÍNEZ;

the male teacher is ridiculous and amazingly supportive and cool, all at the same time and it's hilarious;

the cool blonde dude with zero awareness is pretty funny, honest and despite all flaws, you kinda want to protect him too in the end;

main girl has the cutest parents in existence;

"and that, kids, is how your mother gave me a bellyband that was actually made for your grandpa in our first Christmas together before we even start dating";

December 31th has a whole sweet new meaning now;

everything can be solved with a bit of this easy thing called ~COMMUNICATION~ and here's our 123 chapter manga to prove;

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

You ever think about how in spite of knowing their exact locations, the game never gives any indication that templar Carver has reported his mage sibling, Merril (a blood mage) or Anders (an abomination) to his superiors?

I do think about that a lot, even though I tend to ignore the Templar Carver route because I know Warden Carver to be true in my heart and soul... but I totally get the appeal of Templar Carver within DA2's narrative, y'know?

It's so fascinating, really. I've never played a run with Templar Carver, I just can't bring myself to do it, so I know I'm missing out on smaller details of it. From what I do know, this drives me crazy in the best way possible.

Deciding whether to bring him or not to the Deep Roads is such an important choice, not only because it affects his fate, but how it affects his relationship to Hawke. He tells you that he wants to go, he makes it very clear that it's important to him that he goes, too... and Hawke can just leave him behind and it hurts him. I don't think that registers enough with some people just because of how Carver is, like it doesn't matter what Hawke's motivations are [staying behind for his safety, not wanting to bring him, thinking someone should stay with Leandra, etc] it still hurts him because it tells him that Hawke doesn't need him, and Carver wants to be needed.

And yes, there are other contributing factors to why he joins the templars, but it doesn't matter what your relationship is to him, it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't turn Hawke or his companions in.

Sure, the meta reason is it's a video game and you're playing the main character. You're never in any actual danger of being captured by templars, and you're not going to lose your companions to them that easy.

But if we look at it through the narrative and Carver's character, that's when it gets interesting. You can max out his rivalry and be an utter asshole to him [there's a point where you can call him a brat and mock him for being stuck in your shadow, like Hawke can be real cruel about it] but it doesn't matter, you're still his sibling. He even makes a remark about how you might not know what that means [referring to leaving him behind] but he does. He refuses to kill Hawke in the end when Meredith makes the order, too.

Which can I just point out that Hawke has the option to let Bethany die in the end if she's with the circle and they side with the templars? Just saying, Carver NEVER does that no matter what, but Hawke has the option to betray Bethany like that and it's fucked and interesting and it makes me want to eat my chair-

As for Merrill and Anders, I think he knows that if he turns either of them in, then the chances of Hawke being brought in as well skyrocket. They're all friends, they're in the same group... bring one in, and you'll probably get the other two.

I also think Carver just genuinely likes Merrill. Yes, I'm a Carver/Merrill shipper, so I have a bias, but even if you remove anything romantic from their dynamic I believe that's true. Of all the companions, Merrill is the only one who doesn't make fun of him, or find him annoying, in party banters. He never snaps back at her, like he's never defensive with her, he's just a little awkward and nice.

Like, HE'S SO NICE TO HER! He tries to find common ground with her! She asks him about "swording" and he's taken aback by her saying he's good at it, but you KNOW that if someone like Anders asked him the same question, he's be all, "shut up, you're stupid, stop talking to me >:["

Think back to that banter Carver can have with Aveline post-act 1 where they're talking about how the guard wasn't the right place for him [hard disagree with you there, Aveline] and Carver says he was a bit of a tit, wasn't he.... and every companion will agree except Merrill. She doesn't say anything, whereas other companions like Anders will be like "ugh maker YES" and if you have a purple Hawke, they'll go on to other ways Carver was a tit like?? I think Carver and Merrill got along and he doesn't want to turn her in because she was nice to him! And she's a blood mage! He knows what will happen to her if the templars get ahold of her! He doesn't want to see her made tranquil or killed!

At that point, he's witnessed what bad blood mages can do, assuming you've brought him along for those quests, but even so. He knows Merrill isn't like that and he likes her, so of course he's not going to turn her in despite that being his literal duty.

Then there's Anders who Carver doesn't like. If you're in a romance with him, Carver will tell him that's why he doesn't turn him in but c'mon Carver, you know that's not the only reason. My theory is Carver may not like Anders and he knows the man's got a spirit of justice inside of him... but Anders also runs a free clinic. If he's ever taken in by templars, then so many people [including a LOT of Fereldan refugees] will be without free health care and will suffer for it. I think in Carver's eyes, Anders might be irritating but he doesn't more good than harm. Carver knows first hand how shitty refugees and poorer people are treated in Kirkwall. Anders' clinic is the one place they can go for help and actually get it, and he's not going to be the one to take that away because the templars say "magic bad."

So yeah, I'm not as informed about the Templar Carver route, but I do think about how if I did do that route, he wouldn't betray Hawke or their companions no matter what and what that says about him.

[buffysummers]

the amount of vitriol people have for rory gilmore really just boggles my mind like you're gonna hate on the entitled teenager but then worship the ground her entitled mother walks on???? rory is such a complex and interesting character and her behaviors are entirely understandable, and it makes for some good drama and television. why do people hate teenage girls so badly :( it's really sad like if you want to point fingers, if you want to admonish someone, the mom is right there! also named lorelai btw.

[daily-hanamura]

[echoingkarma]

Been drawing my DND OC, Wisp, most days after work lately

[deer-carcasses]

somewhat an analysis of Alastor

I've been going over this multiple times while it was just some rambles in my notes, but I finally decided it might as well see the light of day. if you do read this all, thank you. if not,,, understandable. it's a lot.

if this whole things is not coherent at all and does some weird jumps, I'm sorry. I took multiple breaks writing this over the span of the whole day. it was even more of a mess, I promise this is the slightly cleaned-up version.

especially the later parts get less cohesive in my eyes since I had to take longer breaks in between them. they also might jump around more. but now, in case you do want to read this; enjoy.

obvious spoilers ahead

let's start with the most interesting aspect for me: we barely know Alastor. sure, we know a little about his backstory, and get snippets of interactions here and there, but it wasn't until well into the show that we got to know his character better. ep.5 was where we see something deeper than the shallow persona he puts on for everyone. he's been more of a helping hand to make the plot progress in an interesting direction than a character with obvious deeper meaning. I don't mean to say that he was not well-written, quite the contrary, I mean to point out that he seemed more like a tool in the story than a character we are supposed to connect with on deeper levels.

we all as viewers had no idea why exactly he was there, to begin with, he said it was for his own entertainment but even then, this seemed like an awful lot of work for him to come out more or less empty-handed most of the time. it's an unfair deal for Alastor if you ask me. and honestly, he does bring little less than "entertainment" to the table until then. being used to show that he is helping yes, but mostly doing it so he can pull someone else down with his help. double-sided blade. he loses, but whoever he helps also doesn't win.

let's talk about ep.5 though. in this episode it's the first time someone truly irritates him. he didn't really care much for Vox - seemingly finding his entire obsession rather funny and never seeing him as a true threat. and Sir Pentious he didn't even truly remember. but with Lucifer that changes. Alastor doesn't just see him as bothersome, he sees him as important enough to go out of his way to prove he is better than the literal king of hell himself. at first, you could argue that he's once again doing it for his entertainment. seeing how much he can push before he needs to get back in line. but looking closer, his body language betrays him.

the way Alastor holds himself shows a true disdain for Lucifer that is, from a viewer's perspective, totally unjustified. Lucifer did not start their weird rival dynamic, it was Alastor who from the beginning on looked down on the king. maybe it's a personal reason, maybe it's just the fact that Alastor is more than well aware that no matter how much power he gets, there's no way to get above Lucifer. his omnipresence might simply be an annoyance to Alastor because he knows as well as Lucifer that the king hasn't shown his face in a long time and his reputation and power over all of the pride ring, over all of hell, still stays in place. no real threat could shake Lucifer's power into crumpling and this thought alone might bother Alastor because he had to fight for his power, to keep his power. (see Vox having presumably more power with the modern media and all that before Alastor disappeared)

and there's also of course the whole bantering going on in Hell's greatest Dad. Are Alastor's words genuine when he speaks to Charlie, or is it just a tactic to get under Lucifer's skin, maybe not seeing his powers crumble but seeing the king's nerves being reduced to nothing by his hands.

I personally don't think he was being entirely truthful. he might not have straight up lied about everything, but I don't think he truly wishes Charlie to be his daughter. Charlie herself is more than a little surprised by how Alastor suddenly treats her, and that alone is proof enough for me that he wasn't being honest in his words. if it were true, wouldn't he have at least a slight fatherly touch towards her all the time? Later on, Angel Dust even somewhat points out that Alastor has never acted like this by asking what his [Alastor's] deal is. It shows me that no matter how badly he tries to make it seem real for Lucifer, it's not real for anyone else simply because they all know how he normally acts around them.

continuing to Mimzy for a short moment; she is proven to not be a reliable narrator at all so I don't want to really take what she tells about Alastor all too seriously. she even concludes her little tale about the radio demon with "That's the story most people know." which does not make it any true. something I thought is very interesting is that the only two people who might have any idea of how truthful Mimzy is in her story are both gone. Niffty, though she also does not seem like the most reliable narrator, is not part of this conversation, and Hus kates himself out of the scene almost in the same moment Mimzy starts talking about. Husk leaving is more important since he obviously knows more about not only Alastor but also the deal Alastor is bound to. Husk and Alastor might equally hate it, but Husk does seem to care about Alastor at least a little. warning the overlord about Mimzy and how she is known for only showing up when she needs something, and I'm sure Alastor is more than aware that Mimzy wouldn't show up simply to catch up with old friends, but still. the sentiment of Husk seeking Alastor out to warn him, and even mentioning how he [Alastor] has been gone for a while now, is in itself caring, especially when moments later the viewers find out how much more Husk seems to know about Alastor. it even seems as if he is aware of limitations, mentioning how it's "Big talk for someone who's also on a leash." coming from Alastor's deal, even if Alastor himself is ignoring them [see the line "Who in their right mind would cross me?"]

the whole fact that Husk even seems to know so much about Alastor's deal is confusing in a way. I can't see Alastor willingly going to Husk and telling him about not only the deal he made with someone above himself but also about the limitations of said deal, it just doesn't make sense for the character we know Alastor to be, and even when finishing the show my opinion doesn't change. it's even more prominent how he later hides away.

after this scene, Alastor isn't seen catching back up to Charlie, Vaggie, and Lucifer to continue annoying him simply by his presence. his outburst having left him apparently on edge - showing that he isn't as calm and calculated as he likes to pretend. he obviously struggles with his own anger, be it at Husk for bringing up that he knows about Alastor's deal, or himself for ever getting into the situation in the first place.

later we see Alastor taking care of Mimzy's problem -the loan sharks. he's not seen using his powers like he did when Sir Pentious attacked though, he willingly transforms into something eldritch to devour the threat instead of simply using the tentacles, which would've been just as easy for Alastor. in my eyes that's him getting rid of the last restlessness about his outburst at Husk. choosing to do it himself, showing he still has free will over what he does and doesn't do. if not proving it to Husk then proving it to himself that he can choose to do this. he goes all out, he even comments on it himself how he needs to let off steam and later on how he's important here and willingly choosing to be here, helping ["It's time to remind everyone [Husk] why I'm here."] Alastor needs Husk to know what happens when you cross him, and when you doubt him. because he took the comments about how long he's been gone and that he's also on a leash personally. I don't even think it's necessarily because Husk said it, it's that someone in hell said it. not a soul in hell is allowed to think that Alastor, the radio demon, is not strong enough to win every fight he chooses to start.

let me come back to Mimzy once more, as if this one scene scratching the surface of what lies underneath his smile-bright persona revealed by Husk wasn't enough we get Alastor being all buddy-buddy with Mimzy, who is not only acting like a friend to him but is also introduced as such. a normal friend to someone who is so obviously not normal.

but even with his more friendly behavior towards her, he ends up sending her away after the hotel has to suffer under the problem she brought along. ["I can't have that here."] If he was genuine with what he said then, why did he phrase it like that? I might be reading too much into it, but Alastor normally picks his words wisely enough to not let too much slip, and the sentence "I don't want this here." would've been better fitting for the situation, but he says can't have that here. new question, what can't he have here? Mimzy herself? someone who knows him better than the residence with maybe a habit of blabbering? or was it just the fact that it's her problems that he needs to fix? that he can't have her bringing more work than there already is at the hotel?

now making a bit of a jump, going from ep.5 to ep.7 this episode makes me mostly wonder about what Alastor could ask from Charlie later on based on the deal the two of them made. in terms of character, it gave us little besides his dynamic with Rosie and the entirety of cannibal city. though this was also not really anything new, more just what we already knew about Alastor in a new dynamic

there is one scene I do want to talk about though. his whole little speech around smiling. him actually standing by and admitting that he is hiding behind his smile did take me a second to actually realize what just happened, I did skip back to it because I was a little stunned by the absurdity of it all. after some thought it made sense that he might not mind it, Charlie does not know him well enough for this off-hand comment to truly affect anything for him, still it made me wonder. why would he reveal it to her? was he simply so sure that she wouldn't use it against him or did he think she wouldn't even think of using anything against him in this kind of way?

so it confirms that yes; Alastor uses his smile as a facade and also as a way to show he is above others who cannot hide behind a smile like he can. his smile means indifference to himself, neutrality. for him showing anything but the indifference that his smile represents is vulnerability. weakness.

let's move on to the actual "highlight" episode of "What We Learn about Alastor" ep.8

this surely was not the first time he got humbled badly by someone in a fight. it's what he wants to avoid most, the mask slipping, everyone seeing that he can be defeated, that he is not this otherworldly powerful being that not a soul in hell [or heaven] can touch. there had to be at least one very significant moment where he was powerless in a way. where he had to strike up a deal with someone higher, the one now binding him, now having him on a leash.

Alastor went into the fight with Adam overly confident, underestimating Adam's powers to the point he barely got away. he is, after all this, still a mortal soul. a sinner. Adam on the other hand was the first man which gives him roughly the same power Lilith must have. that in itself makes me think Alastor lasted a good deal longer in the battle than I would've thought. pure angelic powers far surpassing his own and he still 1) got away in the end and 2) was able to get in a few hits.

let's quickly touch on the fact that when Adam broke his microphone he seemed to be completely stunned, apparently not having thought that he could easily break his possession without any real resistance. I personally don't think his power is necessarily in the microphone [the was the simply gave it away to Charlie in ep.7 being my proof for why it can't be. he would never abandon his power just for Charlie to sing a song for a few cannibals] but what if it maybe is some kind of amplifier for it? maybe it's also pure placebo and Alastor was simply too stunned that Adam would go for the piece of equipment instead of for a deadly blow right away. the microphone surely was a confidence boost, feeling of being 'on air' the feeling of having his broadcast behind him while doing his everyday tasks giving him the boost he sometimes needs, his ego being constantly stroked by the knowledge that there would be countless sinners bowing to him if he simply said the words into his microphone. no longer being able to do that made him stutter in more ways than one, being momentarily careless, not prepared for Adam to strike again, deadly this time. he lost where he was in his performance, in his own show, and it made him mess up.

one interesting sentence is when Adam comments on how Alastor is just a mortal soul. "You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate." which makes me want to believe that's exactly what Alastor did, taking charge of his own fate. but the thing is that we know he did not. he made a deal with someone, and he doesn't have the ability to take charge of anything about his own being anymore. he's as much on a leash as he has Husk on one. that would only mean that he isn't at his full potential, held back by the deal he so desperately wants to get out of, and is actively looking for a way to get out of it. which turns this line into something else completely. Alastor reveals that he knows what he is capable of, but cannot parade his power due to his deal.

another interesting detail is his ears before he dissolves into his shadow. they are pinned back, showing not only agitation or fear but disorientation. he opens his mouth for no sound to come out and it frightens him to have come into this situation at all.

a big part of his mental disintegration in this moment surely is also the fact that if he had died at this moment, if Adams's hit was slightly more fatal, he would've died bound to the deal still. Alastor would have gone without being able to fulfill his own goal - getting rid of the chain around his throat. getting control back over his own afterlife. if he had died at Adam's hands, he would have died being possessed by someone else which we can assume is what Alastor sees as the lowest he can fall. the people bound to him by a deal mean nothing to him as it seems, we only ever got to see those who were needed for the Hotel.

while also, dying in this moment would have proven to everyone that he stayed to protect the hotel, his friends, but retreating and not being killed in a heroic death-wish battle be had proven to especially the audience that Alastor is not ride or die for these people.

in his breakdown ballad, we can finally see where he went to to lick his wounds. his entire breakdown also shows once again how scared he truly is of being inadequate. this wasn't just a reminder from Husk that he is indeed also on a leash, being pulled to where whoever holding it wants him to go, this is a rendezvous with death, barely escaping the situation that would have proven that he is too weak, at least while being bound by this deal he is [no longer] profiting from.

the place not only reeks of death for him, like he says in his song, but it also reeks of shame at the fact that he had nearly not made it out alive. it would've been seen as a noble act had he truly died in this scene, he had not died protecting himself, he had died protecting others. it is worse than dying on a leash even since at least almost no one knows about that, it would allow him to save some face. but dying for these people? he cannot even stand the thought of it.

in his mind he needs to keep up the smiling facade, the indifference in this smile he holds obviously so dear, for eternity. him dying should not allow the indifference he stands for to evaporate, he needs to play the act even after being killed in his afterlife.

even if this now ends rather abruptly, my work here is done. see you next time I start writing and simply don't stop for a while.

it truly is "Good to be back on the Air." with a newly cleaned-up space to talk about fandoms

this might be edited later on, nothing major, maybe just to have some actual continuity in it.

[presiding]

formerly an essay in tags but - billie lurk. half-nameless, misremembered woman. her powers derived from the things taken from her, without any catharsis or empowerment. the rat charm, tied with deidre's hair, her lover's voice in the mouth of rats. her arm and eye, taken, given back only to cause her chronic pain, then lost again. foresight seems a cruel gift for a woman who botched the timing of her takeover of the whalers, and bet wrong when it came to delilah.

she never bore the outsider's blessing; his first visit to her was more like an assault. every other dishonored POV character gets the choice to be selfish, and for that selfishness to mean something, but billie's actions have no effect on the world at large, either, in a game without a chaos system.

some say that corvo is the ghost, but he can reach out and change things. billie's buried herself twice and come back and nothing she does seems to matter - she is less a protagonist, more a convenient full stop in the narrative.

try this: open doto, start a new game. sit in her cabin. notice how little of billie there is. even the woman she loved more than anyone has the face of another named character.

she sits amongst the assets of other games: empty canvases and a dressmaker's mannequin that wears nothing.

[zapsoda]

ok but blatantly and inarguably a lot of "accepting" parents would rather their children be ~nonbinary~ and/or ~nontransitioning~ than binary transgender, and this doesnt devalue exorsexism (not only because it is another form of exorsexism) but because it is a fact

[dragonsinthedarkness]

Lately I found myself thinking about James/Miranda relationship as a reversed version of Orpheus and Eurydice’s story, especially towards the end of it. Not because these two stories match well (they do not) but just because I like making this kind of classical comparisons and I'm stuck from a bit on the fact that, right before her death, for the first time Miranda was the one to refuse the progress to look back at the past. 

After the loss of Thomas, James let himself slip into a darkness comparable to the underworld, a darkness which so often threatened to swallow him whole. He walked on a thin line between a reign of death and an island of life, and if that darkness was that reign, Miranda was his island. 

During their whole journey of processing their grief and climbing their way back to a life that could be called such, she was the one always trying to drag him towards the light. To her, the life that might have been waiting for them in the future was that light, while the past was the darkness, and not because she deemed it forgettable or unimportant, quite the contrary indeed, but because while she knew how to keep and remember the beauty of that past and the light of it, along with the sorrow, she knew perfectly well how different it was for James. How he could remember the beauty of it, of course, but also knew how to put it aside in favor of the rage and the guilt, his gaze clouded by the pain and the unacceptable shame. 

She said it herself: she didn't want to forget that past, not the bright side of it and neither the inescapable sadness of it, its tragedy being the spring of that very beauty, the ruins existing only because there was something precious to be ruined in the first place; and at the same time, what could the dark of it matter, the injustice, the grudge, when it condemned the both of them to never be able to see the light again? 

First time I heard their discussion in ep.VII after knowing the whole story, I wondered how could she ask something like that of him, to forget and pass over what they had done to him just to gain a liveable life, but recently I've actually been wondering : how could she not?

I'm not taking any side in this, as I recognize Miranda's thoughts to be the most reasonable ones as they often are but at the same time I can't say I wouldn't act as stubbornly and desperately as James did in that situation, they're just really different ways to conceive one’s own existence, influenced by their own problems and conditions and mind. All I'm saying is that Miranda was able to see the light even if just from a distance, she was able to hope that one day they would have been able to truly see it. James was never. 

He just lied to himself about the possibility of it. He had plans and tactics and strategies, but for how I see it, those were all desperate attempts to convince himself of the contrary. He couldn't, maybe because of his personality, maybe because he knew that his situation wasn't one that could ever allow him to found real light in that world, maybe just because he loved her less than how much he had loved Thomas, less than how much she loved him, but whichever was the reason, he couldn't afford to see the light after that abyss, and I think Miranda was the first to know that. The one who knew him like no other, the one who loved him like no other. She knew that without help he would have never really been able to reach the end of that dark state of being. And she tried. She tried to help him in so many ways, because she loved him, she really did, and because she had the damn right to claim at least a decent life for herself. 

And here we come to the end, to Charles town.

Charles town could have been her success. Charles town was James’ surrender. For the first time she glimpsed one real chance of having him back, she saw in him the real intention to leave all of that darkness behind, to follow her, not leaving the past behind, never, but learning to move forward, finally allowing her a chance for a new life together. 

He was actually ready to accept even that miserable condition Peter Ashe imposed on him in order to get rid of the darkness, to climb to the light -as short lived as that might have been, at this point- to give Miranda a better alternative than the ones he had been able to grant her up until that moment (as I think his whole Charles town plan was led by the purpose of doing something to save her): as useless as we all know that would have been, accepting that bargain has probably been the most selfless thing James has ever done, even if he did it also for himself in a tired, desperate and contorted way. 

But Charles town wasn't only this to Miranda. 

Charles town was the discovery of the betrayal, because I believe she understood it all the moment she first saw that clock, I'm sure of it. Charles town was her umptheen attempt and her umptheen sacrifice. 

I think that must have been to her a similar quest to the Maria Aleyne's one: respecting James by telling him the truth, something he deserves to know, even knowing how he will react to it, knowing how impossible it would become for him, then, to go on with his plan, granting him a one way ticket to that darkness, or keeping him in the dark, bearing alone the weight of that knowledge, accepting to live with the helplessness to remedy that fatal injustice, only in the hope to finally make him reach that light?  

Would Orpheus reveal Eurydike a truth which risked pushing her back into the underworld just because it might be right for her to know it?

Still, things had been different, more desperate, back to the Maria Aleyne. Now the chance to succeed was real. 

And at first she made that difficult choice, which was selfish in a way, but definitely selfless in another, all at the same time.

And she did it because she loved him. 

She loved him so much that when she glimpsed, in that light, the prospect of losing him, she had to recognize that that light was -as James would have put it in the future- only their light, the light of a world the two of them couldn’t be part of anymore. 

She loved him so much that she had to look back. To the past, to him, because her James was still behind her, still in the dark, the only place where he was allowed to stay, and only that version of him was the one she truly loved. She loved the real James, with all his broken parts, not the one that could be seen under the lights of their lies. 

So she couldn't help giving up that false light, because she had wished for tranquility, a normal life -as probably anyone in her conditions would have done- but she was not disposed to give up the man she loved in order to gain that, as she hadn't been in the past, when the prospect of the future had been only dark and still she had not deserted the ones she loved. 

And when she turned back, this time trying to shield him from that light, the darkness at the pit ended up swallowing them both. 

Miranda died, and James was dragged back full force and imprisoned into the worst version of himself, the ruthless, autodestructive one. 

There are two versions of the story of Orpheus and Eurydice, and I think that the two of them taken together perfectly represent James’ reaction to her death and its circumstances.

In Virgilius’ one, Eurydice slightly resents Orpheus for his action, for his “folly” -as it is called- and (if we may call it that) for his selfish gesture of looking back, that she paid with her second chance to be alive. 

After Miranda's death, James dreams of her reminding him how he had resented her “because they were so close” and of course since that's a dream is what he knew he had felt. But that was…collateral to the condition he had been left stuck in. That was the childish resentment of having explicitly denied something he knew deep down he couldn't have. 

In Ovidius’ one instead Eurydice doesn't blame him because she can't resent being loved, and I think this is what James really felt. After all, looking straight at the truth of the situation and looking back at their shared history, I think there were no ways for him to actually, rationally resent her. (And in fact in his last dream about her she uses a past tense, “you resented me”, hinting that was something he had felt only in the moments when he was at his worst as when, always in the dream, he heard her apology).

Moreover, I think he perfectly understood the meaning of those last moments of hers, how important it was to her to make her voice be heard in that moment. In fact, despite the clear and growing doubt and rage (and worry) on his face while Peter and Miranda spoke, he didn't say a word, he let her speak, despite knowing the risks  and I think this is amazing and just proves how beautiful and respectful their relationship was, and that there were no way he could actually deem her responsible of their failure in that mission (doomed to failure since the beginning ‘cause of the truth).

What hurts even more about her death is the fact that it looks like they got closer to each other once again during that trip, as they hadn't probably been in years, and then…everything got lost forever.

[murdleandmarot]

hi uh..so you got an oc?

HI HELLO :D!!!!

Yes indeed I do!!

Her name is Bluebelle, she’s Victoria’s best friend, and she’s a ballerina :))

Here she is!!! She’s the love of my life!!!

In the third picture she’s holding a music box :) I’m almost done with the lore for that!!

If you want to know more about her, I think just looking up her name on my account should show you the original post?? I’m not sure how to link things on here but I think that would work :)))

(While we’re here….do you have a reference picture for your oc that’s colored, or maybe some infos about hobbies, or relationships with other jellicles? I must know for….non nefarious reasons)

[somethingwittyandweird]

Swordtember 2023 Final Collage

Here's the final results for this year's Swordtember! As always it's been a delight to do. When I first saw the prompt was based around owners/wielders (something I knew I wouldn't be drawing) I wasn't sure if I'd like it as well as previous lists. But I'm proud nonetheless of where the ideas have taken me. Huge thanks to all my friends for supporting me and having nice things to say! Until next time.

Here's a link to the master list of every individual post.

Blurbs for all the swords are under the cut.

Witch- This sword belongs to the sole occupant of an eerie wooden hovel on the far edge of a bog. The runes traced on its blade glow unnervingly, and it reeks of indistinguishable concoctions. Though it isn’t wielded by a trained warrior or a paragon of physical strength, this weapon should be respected and feared by anyone who wants to retain their non-frogified form.

Wizard- This sword belongs to a wizard known by many names-  Olórin, Mithrandir, Grey Pilgrim, the Grey, the White, servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor, or simply Gandalf. A relic of the First Age of Middle-Earth, its blue-tinged bladed bears its name in runes: Glamdring, the Foe-Hammer.

Rogue- This sword belongs to a marine mercenary who frequents the disreputable dockside taverns of a port town to ply his trade. For the right price, his services cover everything from larceny to bodyguarding to assassination. His techniques may not be the most refined, but the damage inflicted by the wicked hook of his blade is evidence enough that they are brutally effective.

Dragonslayer- This sword belongs to a reclusive warrior of countless years. Long ago were the days when dragons roamed the sky in great number. This warrior is among the few survivors of the band who came together to drive the dragons into parts unknown. The jade of this sword hums with the energy needed to pierce through any dragon’s magical resistance.

Spymaster- This sword belongs to a royal spymaster and never leaves their side. Though its wielder operates as much in light as they do in shadow, this sword still conceals a few tricks- namely, the hidden compartment in the hilt used to subtly transport written plans or occasionally crucial devices. The symbol on the hilt is used as an identifying sign by their agents.

Knight Errant- This sword belongs to a paragon of the chivalric age. Wandering the lands without castle or title, this knight seeks only to live by the ideals of the code, providing for the unfortunate and thwarting the wicked. It’s rumored that once the knight has wandered long enough to purge their past misdeeds completely, they may at long last witness the incomparable relic they once sought so fervently- none other than the Holy Grail.

Oracle- This sword belongs to a priestess who dwells in an ancient temple. Archaic in appearance, temperament, and vocabulary, she speaks the words of the visions that come to her- not always to the pleasure of those who came seeking them. The sword is her defense against any pilgrim that might unwisely choose to violently object to the sights she sees. In more normal circumstances, the sword itself is used to channel oracular magic through the lens inset in the blade.

Jester- This sword contains the essence of Marx, an innocuous-seeming jester who once schemed to gain ultimate power over the world of Popstar with a wish. Revealed in his true form, his glittering wings reflected prismatically, and the stars of the Milky Way swirled behind him. He was defeated by Kirby, who returned triumphantly home and proceeded to take a nap.

Royal Hunt Leader- This sword belongs to a well respected huntmaster, proud owner of several breeds of hunting hounds. The leather wrapping on its horn hilt matches the leather collars in place on the dog heads carved at either end of the crosspiece. It’s said that between her dogs’ uncanny tracking and her own keen intuition, there’s no place in the royal lands she doesn’t know. 

Healer- This sword belongs to a pragmatic and dependable cleric of a sun deity. The runes on its crosspiece allow them to channel divine magic through the weapon- but, if that well of power is overdrawn, the bandages and spare flask of potion are helpful as backups for tight situations.

Queen- This sword is one of a pair. A more offensively balanced blade, its wielder prefers to make the first move.

King- This sword is one of a pair. A defensively balanced blade, its wielder prefers to let enemies come to them.

Royal Heir- This sword has been passed down from ancient times, but the ages have not dulled its blade or its shine. The gemstone inset in its crosspiece holds a magic that can only be awoken by a member of the Laputian royal bloodline.

Royal Guard- This sword is a hypothetical fusion of the Royal Guard’s Sword and the Master Sword. A sufficiently skilled smith may well have been able to fashion a replica of the latter in the style of the former, if calamity had not struck.

Enchanter- This sword was commissioned from a master weaponsmith and enchanter, who was instructed to provide as many sockets for magic gems as possible. This blade boasts a whopping 16 available sockets, well above the count that would normally be advisable. The fact that the weapon still remains as stable as it does is a testament to the enchanter’s craft.

River-spirit- Infused with the energy of a whitewater river, this sword surges fiercely in its holder’s grasp, and churning spray constantly emanates from it. Whoever would hope to wield this blade must possess sufficient strength to keep the rapids’ coursing power in line.

Forest Spirit- This sword belongs to an elusive guardian of the forest who shows no mercy to trespassers or those with ill intent. Though some believe her to be a human living among the wilds, others are convinced she must be a spirit- no mortal could move as quickly, travel as unerringly, and vanish away so entirely. No encounter with her has lasted long enough to produce a certain answer.

Bard- This sword belongs to Red, previously a lauded singer before her voice was stolen in a botched altercation. She wields this weapon, the Transistor, in an effort to strike back against those who took that from her. A familiar voice speaks from within the blade to to guide her.

Alchemist- This sword belongs to an enterprising alchemist who spends a good deal of time away from their facilities. Rather than carry pre-brewed potions, they've installed an apparatus that can draw from flasks of certain base essentia to synthesize any needed brews on the fly.

Summoner- This sword belongs to a mage tasked with defending a kingdom by calling upon allies from distant worlds. It has historically taken many forms, but has appeared in this day and age as a sword. Its centerpiece forms a socket for the focus the mage uses to summon.

Mermaid- This sword appears to have been assembled using a shattered bowsprit from a shipwreck. It washed ashore and sparked debate on whether it was a prank or if a real mermaid could have made it. If so, the question is: just how big was that mermaid?

Vampire- This sword belongs to a particularly vain vampire noble, who takes every opportunity to show it off. The markings on the blade are enchanted to glow according to the phase of the moon. 

Vampire Hunter- This sword belongs to a well-traveled warrior who has sworn an oath to use the power of the sun to vanquish the creatures of the night. Monsters and dark creatures alike recoil at the sight of this whip-like blade.

Barbarian- This sword belongs to a brash, impatient barbarian who wields it with reckless abandon. Thanks to a combination of heavy use and unwillingness to bother with whetstones, its owner has dulled many blades in the past. He was finally convinced to take up a weapon that could still be effective while unsharpened. 

Inquisitor- This sword is issued to the heavily armored Inquisitors of an unnamed sect. Though their rank is Inquisitor, they actually do very little questioning themselves- instead their role is largely to impose, intimidate, and where necessary, put their heavy blades to use in rooting out dissension.

Artificer- This sword belongs to a tinkerer with an incessant desire for improvement. Its modular design allows it to change forms between longsword and greatsword as the situation calls for it. In its larger form, its crystalline power source is visible.

Assassin- This sword belongs to a lethal covert operative. Its ethereal blade can be summoned or dispelled at will, and makes short work of even heavy armor- the blade passes through it as if it weren't even there.

Druid- This sword was recovered from the remnants of a standing stone circle. Its weathered shape is covered with signs of age, faded mystic carvings, and mossy patches. Its original owner is lost to time, but the one who wields it now gives new life to the ancient druidic lineage.

Paladin- This blade belongs to a zealous warrior who has sworn an oath to bring light to the dark places of the world. Radiant power infuses this blade at all times, causing it to emit a constant glow and a holy aura.

Necromancer- This sword, in the shape of a looming, leering skull, is carried by a wicked practitioner of dark magic. The bite of this blade isn't to be feared, but the withering curse it inflicts on its victims most certainly is.

[thegodcomplcx]

remember in the girl who waited when amy was like “dont unlock the door because i will do literally anything to get back in there if you give me the chance.” and then amy is the one to shut and lock the door on the doctor because he physically cannot do it himself.

the unspoken nature of the push and pull of their relationship is so important to me. the doctor and amy have agreed that their time together is limited (and therefore precious) and it has to be like this because there is no other alternative. amy will grow up and grow old and die and the doctor won't and this is the way it works.

they both have to tell the other "i am going to be okay when you leave" because there is no "you won't leave" either you're going to be okay or it will break you. eleven in particular is so good at ignoring things that he doesn't want to face. he gets complacent and loses himself in the possibility of not losing amy that he's not ready for it when it happens. but amy is the one that has had to wait and grow up and live (without him) in reality, so she has to be the one who leaves this time too.

but really, truly, i don't think they did enough of a good job in transitioning amy from the girl who waited 36 years and still wouldn't let the doctor go without claw marks into the woman who leaves because she "should be with rory" (and that is a loaded statement in and of itself. the idea of should and ought instead of want)

[sskk-manifesto]

Ep 4 :)

[sunflowersred]

ANON…!

…who asked me “How. would Shanks react when he sees gear 5.” I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED YOUR ASK I’M SO SORRY. but let me respond.

at this point in the story i’m very sure we will actually see this reaction. and i’m very sure that Shanks knows the exact nature of the fruit Luffy ate—mostly because of this scene:

Dorry and Brogy are at Egghead to find Luffy, and in the same breath call him “Sun God.” a few chapters before, we saw Shanks talking to dorry and Brogy before he left Elbaf. I don’t think that the giants knew back when they met Luffy on Little Garden that Luffy is the same as Joyboy is the same as Nika. I think we are meant to infer, from all this, that Shanks is the one who told the giants that Nika is Here, in the World, that Luffy is There, and that Luffy is Him.

as for Shanks’ reaction to seeing gear 5…I think very much about the reactions of both Bonney and Vegapunk when they saw gear 5, Bonney’s tears and Vegapunk (I would call it) enraptured expression, calling Luffy beautiful…I think it could be along that range, or even More (I will explain below). now…

it’s my personal theory that Shanks is Nika’s greatest devotee—who has dedicated his life to seeing Nika brought into the world, to Joyboy’s return. I see this in connecting the dots on my cork board with my red string with pins in Roger’s statement to Rayleigh that their meeting was fate, to Roger saying he wished he could have met Joyboy, to Shanks’ tears over whatever it was Roger told him after Roger returned from Laugh Tale, to Shanks’ crew talking about how pirates are free, to Shanks . to how now, again, I am sure Shanks knows of Luffy’s powers, and looking back on his reactions to news that Luffy is making his way through the world, he always looks. well.

(it KILLS me, also, that this particular one happened at a WEDDING. ODA. UM. H-HELLO…)

I think very much about Oda’s offhand statement that Shanks is emotionally immature, I think about how Shanks relentlessly teased Luffy and finally expressed how much Luffy means to him after Luffy was in danger (Luffy is surprised and moved in chapter 1 when Shanks calls him “friend”!), I think about Shanks’ response to his crew saying pirates are free (“stop filling [Luffy’s] head with crazy ideas.”) I do think we will see Shanks’ true reaction to Luffy’s transformation, but I wonder if Shanks will hide his reaction from Luffy and Oda will show it only to us, the reader.

as a shipper I would find that possibility deliciously devastating. HOWEVER if it does happen like that I WILL write 1000 fics pushing them into situations where Luffy does see it because that is what feeds my soul. Shanks kissing Luffy’s hands, the hands that have brought down tyrants, Shanks kissing Luffy’s feet, the feet of his god who walks the earth. that Shanks smiled when he sacrificed his arm to save Luffy because he knew that to Nika, the Sun God, a sacrifice of food will give you his favor forever. how Shanks knows he cannot be the favorite of a god who loves all the world, but Luffy’s flag makes him feel like he could be. how Shanks wants to kneel at Luffy’s feet, but Luffy, but Nika, but Joyboy, does not want anyone to live a life on their knees. what the Experience of witnessing his god will be like for Shanks—Nika this laughing, dancing god, heartbeat the rhythm of a drum. His god, the god he has devoted his life to, sacrificed his flesh for. I think about the way Shanks COULD react, to seeing gear 5, and I think of all the great artworks of spiritual practitioners and mystics and saints and monks experiencing religious ecstasy. I think about the concept, in aesthetics, of the Sublime….

is this what we will get? I do not know. if we don’t, I will write about it (tbh, I have a couple of drafts combing over these themes and concepts that date back to the month gear 5 was revealed). so. I Will Make It Happen.

in addition to this, I would very much like to write about, whether Oda goes into it or not, how all of this gets Shanks all mixed up; loving his god, loving his boy (I think about the moment post-Wano where Shanks is looking at Luffy’s new wanted poster, the photo taken of Luffy clearly with Nika’s power awakened—and he is thinking about his happy memories of spending time with Luffy when Luffy was young) loving the man Luffy has become, how Luffy reminds Shanks of himself, how Luffy reminds Shanks of Roger, how Shanks wanted to keep Luffy safe, back then, how Luffy is the savior of oppressed and the vulnerable, now, how Shanks believes Luffy will usher in a New Age and how that will and has not been without struggle and sacrifice. Shanks, as a son of the Figarland family, a dynasty of slavers, leading a life of repentance, wanting absolution. I want to write all that WITH dimensions of sex and romantic love in their bond. To speak one more time of the canon, I think Shanks has ills in his soul (as so many of Oda’s characters do). I think as much as he has ever done Luffy will free Shanks from those. I think this will be perhaps the most intimate part of Oda’s story and I think Oda has had it in his head for all 27 years he has been writing this story and probably for a very long time before that. now…

now. am I, as they say, a “crazy fangirl” for any and/or all of the thoughts above? well. it is my experience that shipping shankslu (and ofc with lushanks agenda) is being in a state, as an audience member of this story, between hypersanity and utter delusion. either I’m God(a)‘s prettiest princess or I’m worse than the ZKK bros. either just the sheet of this ship has melded my shippers goggles to my head and it is so one with me I can’t look at the text without it, or when this ship first struck me like a bolt of lightning 3 years ago it was actually Oda, the #1 shankslu shipper, reaching out through the collective subconscious and suplexing me actually. which will it be? only time will tell.

[alongtidesoflight]

my durge save is so borked