#i couldnt have possibly met him 5 years earlier

[wegmans]

hmm uhhhh my uncle died this morning. this is the same aunt and uncle i met for the first time in jordan in 2015 and he had lost his vision by then and was extremely depressed and told me "im so happy to finally meet you, but i wish we had met 5 years ago, i was much happier back then." and then when i saw my aunt again this past summer in jordan she said that she was going to palestine that week because she needed to fill out legal forms to transfer account and house and other ownership to be under her name because he got alzheimers and started having psychotic episodes and getting violent and had to be put in a psych ward and thats why he wasnt there visiting with her. and then 1 month ago he was in a coma and just this morning his body fully gave up. for the last 7 years i have never forgotten his voice saying that he "was much happier back then" and always wished he could somehow miraculously get better so i could hear what he's like when he wasn't feeling so bad. because from everyone's stories of him, he used to be so loud and outgoing and funny and would entertain everyone he was around. he was a doctor too, and ran a hospital in ramallah. but i never got to see any of that. and it literally only got worse and worse for him all the time until he just died. what an unfair life. this sucks

[paintmearainbow]

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

[mrssfl5509]

This is the story of one of the greatest trails in Chicago Illinois. Three young boys and an obsession with the “perfect crime”. I will be writing and interesting my thoughts and feelings about this story while researching and writing this story. This is not a story I wrote from imagination, this horrific tale is based on a true story beginning when….

Nathan Freudenthal Leopold Jr. was born, November 19 1909. He was the son of a wealthy Jewish German immigrant. During his earlier days, Leopold was bullied in school and had a very hard time making friends. However, Leopold had extreme intelligence and sped through school at an expeditious rate, (Yassss, you boys gooo!!!). Due to which gave him quite the ego. He became cocky and felt he could do whatever he pleased because he was smart and wealthy. (not what I meant Leopold).

Unfortunately, it isn’t said if he showed any aggression (I could almost find nothing about Leopold’s behavior as a child) until he was 12 when he was allegedly sexually abused by Governess, mathilda. (ew) Later his family moved to Kenwood, (a suburb in Chicago), where his educational development continued to increase rapidly. By the age of fifteen years old, Leopold was attending the University of Chicago. (Proud).  In 1920 while attending college as a law prodigy, he met Richard Albert Loeb. Better known as “Dicky”. 

At this point of the research I was stunned! I mean college at 15? That kid is crazy smart. I felt as if Leopold was the victim based on his childhood. I wondered what role Dickie would play.   

Richard Albert “Dicky” Loeb was born, June 11 1905. He was the third of four sons of a wealthy Jewish lawyer. (so basically everyone in this story is hella rich.) Loeb was also filled to the brim with knowledge. He skipped several grades through school and began attending the University of Chicago at only 14 years old. (How? All i wanna know is how?) As a child Loeb was fascinated with crime and it is said he showed more sinister sides of himself. He would fantasize about committing crimes and even made a fantasy life as a criminal master. Loebs favorite fantasies consisted of arson and theft. 

Okay, but how did no one see these red flags!? At 14!? 

In 1921 he transferred to the University of Michigan. With a spotty education track and also suffering from an addiction to alcohol, Loeb became the youngest graduate in the history of the University of Michigan at the age of seventeen.

At this point reading and having to write that made me extremely sad. The boy was doing great and to hear about someone so young having to go through such a rough part of life, it made me feel disappointed and sad for Loeb.

After graduating from Michigan, Loeb returned to Chicago and renewed his friendship with leopold. Leopold and Loeb became even better friends but had a very rocky relationship. Loeppold was said to have contemplated killing loeb for a breach of confidentiality. (Leopold, what? At this point i felt as if leopold was the killer instead of the victim because who is so heartless to seriously think about doing that to someone?.) That was until Leopold became obsessed with Loeb and it was in no way a secret. ( by “obsessed” I mean REALLY OBSESSED). The two quickly became inseparable and had a sexual relationship. Leopold being obsessed with Loeb and Loeb being obsessed with crime it was only a matter of time before they crafted what Loeb yearned to be the “perfect crime”.   

So obviously I was shocked because I thought Leopold was the victim. I never expected Loeb to feel the same about Leopold and I was definitely wondering who was the victim of these two truly evil young boys.

Leopold would commit petty crimes and thefts in exchange for sexual favors from Loeb. Together the two planned and put together their intentions. After months of planning, Leopold and Loeb decided they were to Kidnap the son of a wealthy family, hold him for ransom, and throw him off a moving train at a designated spot. (i thought it was a mess and they were still gonna kill the kid). Neither Loeb nor Loepold had wants to murder their victim (I figured Loeb being obsessed with crime would make him want to) but they wanted to minimalize the possibility of being identified. Ready to take action the two young boys sought out a victim. They settled on Bobby Franks. Who was 14, a Student at Harvard school for boys, and a son of a successful Chicago businessman. Not to mention Richard Loeb's neighbor AND distant cousin! 

On May 21 1924 Leopold and Loeb began preparations, renting a Willys-Knight automobile and covering its plates. Closer to 5 o'Clock Bobby began walking home when Loeb lured Bobby into the car to talk about a new tennis racket. With Franks in the front passenger seat, ( I thought it was odd that Franks got into the front seat instead of sitting in the back with Loeb.) the car's tires squealed as they fled the area. Loeb quickly reached around the seat to muffle Franks’ mouth while hitting him repeatedly in the head with a chisel. Dragging Franks into the back seat, (stuffing a cloth in his mouth), and covering him with blankets Leopold suggests getting dinner. Unable to move, dying, or already dead, lay Bobby in the back seat of the rental car.

This part of the story makes me extremely sad, only 14 and your life taken by two other boys.

After eating and ensuring Bobby franks was dead Leopold and Loeb began stripping his clothes off and pouring hydrochloric acid on his body. (They said it was to make the body less identifiable. They did a horrible job.) Having trouble hiding the body leopold takes off his jacket to “maneuver” better. After hiding the body in a cement drainage culvert the two young boys fled back to leopold home where they called Bobby's parents demanding 10,000 dollars in ransom. Telling lies to the boy's parents about him being unharmed they sent ransom notes. The plan was to have Bobby’s father get into a taxi and go to a specific place to put the money. However, the boys were running a little late, when the ransom notes arrived with the taxi cab Bobby's father was finishing a call with the local police department. Bobby Franks’ body had been found. 

So these two idiots left a foot hanging out of some shrubs they used to cover the entrance of the culvert.

Leopold and Loeb wanted money, but received only questions when police found a pair of Leopold’s sunglasses next to the body. They were traced back to Nathan Leopold and the boys were arrested may 31 1924 at the ages of 18 (Loeb) and 19 (leopold) years old.

Throwing their lives away at such a young age and how do you find it in your heart as a child to kill someone?

July 21 1924 the Leopold and Loeb trial began with Clarence Darrow as the boy's lawyer. ( yea yea the famous Clarence Darrow that's the one.). Darrow's goal? Save the boys from the death penalty. The boys were questioned on the stand, Loeb Confessing first followed by Leopold. Both stories matched up to the only one point in the case. Who killed Bobby Franks?     reading and writing about this part confused me. Neither boy would confess, but if Loeb wanted to be known getting away with the “perfect crime” why wouldn't he confess and let everyone know?

With both boys blaming each other, Leopold begged Loeb to admit to killing Franks. Unfortunately for Leopold, Loeb responded with “mompsie feels less terrible than she might, thinking you did it and i'm not going to take that shred of comfort away from her”.(I thought this was so evil of Loeb to do to Leopold. It amused me.)

Clarence Darrow suggested a traditional insanity defense by Switching the boy's pleas from “not guilty” to “guilty”. (this way the jury couldnt try them on two separate charges for the death penalty. Their plan was if one didnt work try the other and get the death penalty). Darrow did indeed wave the death penalty for the boys. Ultimately the boys were sentenced, September 10 1924, life + ninety nine years imprisonment. Served in stateville penitentiary. Leopold was released on parole in 1958. He later died of a diabetes related heart attack at the age of 66. (This also amused me, why would they let this guy out?). Loeb served his whole life in prison, dying on January 28 1836 at age 30. Loebs death was ruled a homicide from 58 inflicted wounds from a razor attack by a cell mate. (The reasoning for the attack was never found as far as my source applied.)

The story of the death of Bobby franks and Leopold and Loebs murder was fallowed and read all across Chicago and stunned the entire city. This horrific tale almost ever got justice, however the universe avenged Franks and fortunately Leopold and Loeb were punished for their hideous actions.I hope u were interested and enjoyed reading todays IN MY WORDS!!!  Thank you for reading!

                                                 - MrsSFL5509

[lvanter]

in the light ; yang jeongin

pairing; jeongin x reader

word count; 1.3k

genre; high school au, fluff

warnings; none??? i think

description; jeongin needs to find jisung. he finds him in the auditorium along with the love of his life

note; y/l/n: ur last name just in case uwu

“where is he? where is he? where is he?” jeongin whispered to himself as he walked down the school hall

he needed to find felix.

felix who forgot to give back jeongins history notes

he saw hyunjin and seungmin standing by hyunjins locker, trying to clean it out a bit

“hyung!” jeongin exclaimed jogging up to them

hyunjin and seungmins both turned to look at the younger boy.

“what’s up, innie?” hyunjin asked while ruffling jeongins hair

“have any of you seen felix hyung?”

hyunjin shook his head, while seungmin nodded

“yeah i saw him in chemistry earlier today, why?”

jeongin sighed, that didn’t help much

“he just forgot to give me my history notes back.

“oh, sorry innie i haven’t seen him since then”

hyunjin scrunched his nose

“why don’t you check the auditorium, i’m pretty sure he said he had to help jisung with the lights”

“okay, thanks hyung. i’ll check the there” jeongin said before running down the hall

“the auditorium” he mumbled opening the door

he walked down towards the stage

but he only got half way before his eyes fell on you

jeongin stopped

you were standing in the middle of the stage, talking with jisung.

you,,, wow holyshit

(´｡• ω •｡`) ♡ jeongins in love (´｡• ω •｡`) ♡

you just looked so eathreal. standing right under the light.

jeongin was mesmerized

“wow” he whispered to himself in awe

suddenly jisung saw him standing there, staring

“JEONGIN! HEY” jisungs loud ass yelled and waved at him

you looked in jeongins direction

wanting to see what made jisung yell this time

‘fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do’ -jeongins brain, when u looked at him

here’s what he did

he bolted out of the auditorium. yeah :/ maybe not the best idea

“who was that?” you asked jisung confused

“jeongin, hes one of my best friends!”

“oh okay” - chris bang chan

jeongin on the other hand ran into the boys bathroom and locked himself in a stall

“holy shit” he said as quietly as possible, not wanting anyone to hear him.

he put his hand over his heart. it was beating fast mainly because he just ran so much

“i didn’t even get my notes-“

later that evening, jeongin was sitting in his room. he was supposed to be studying - and he was trying in the beginning, trust me, but he just had to know who you were

so there he was, sitting on his bed, surrounded by notes, which he got back looking through last years yearbook, trying to find you.

“there!” he exclaimed louder than intended.

‘y/n y/l/n’

“y/n” he said in awe.

how are u so pretty omg, no one should be that pretty. what the fuck do u think ur doing

jeongin let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. this was gonna be a long night

like next week ٩(◕‿◕)۶

the first thing jeongin saw when he walked into history class, was felix trying to do a handstand up against the wall, jisung standing beside him giving encouragement, hyunjin laughing at them and seungmin filming it

the second thing he saw was you sitting next to the window looking at something outside

wait

what

since when the fuck have you been in his history class

damn ur sitting next to the window

the light hitting ur face making you look angelic

“jeongin. JEONGIN” hyunjin tried to get jeongins attention

“what?”

“you’ve been staring at y/n for the last 5 minutes,,,,,you okay”

jeongin blinked “yeah yeah i’m-i’m okay”

history class went by with jeongin looking (read: staring) at you and not being able to concentrate

“i so failed this test” felix complained while walking out of the classroom

“so did jeongin” seungmin stated like it was a fact

jeongin looked at him “u don’t know that?????????????”

“u spend pretty much the entire class staring at y/n. so i’m p p sure you failed the test” hyunjin agreed with seungmin

dammit he was caught

“w-what i-i did-didn’t stare at y-y/n. that’s- that’s ridiculous”

hyunjin and seungmin rolled their eyes at him but left him alone

“jisung?” a soft voice said from behind jeongin, making the boys turn around

“Y/N!!!” jisung shouted even through u were standing right in front of him

“are you still helping this afternoon?”

“Yes, i am” jisung said energetically. “have you met my friends??????”

“you have friends??” “no haven’t”

“this is felix, that’s hyunjin, that’s seungmin and the one that looks like a baby is jeonginnie”

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jisssuuunnng why did you have to describe him as a baby

“hi i’m y/n” u waved at them

goddamnit y/n why is ur wave so cute?????????????

“nice to meet you” seungmin said w a small smile

“we know u” hyunjin snickered. “jeongin was stari-OW jeongin what the h*ck”

‘how did he censor h*ck irl??????????’

u were so confused,,,,,,,,                         ”what??”

“NOTHING!!!!” jeongin shouted before he could stop himself. “nothing it’s nothing”

“,,,,,,,,,,,,,, okayyy???     i,,,, really have to go now,,,,it was nice meeting u all,,,,,,”

“i’ll see you in the auditorium!!!!” jisung said smiling as always

“see ya” then u walked off

“OW WILL YOU STOP FUCKING HITTING ME” hyunjin yelled

“you almost exposed me!!!????????NO i wont stop hitting you” jeongin said with a glare

before any of them could say more they heard changbins voice “there u are. whats up? why are u just standing here??”

“jeongin has a crush~~~~~~~~~~~~” felix giggled

changbin raised an eyebrow “on who?”

“u know y/n??????” - jisung

“yeah???”

“thats his crush~~~~~~~~~~”

changbin nodded slowly “good luck with that. theyre very popular and get confessions all the time”

jeongin is staring at changbin like ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ  

“th-theyre popular?????????????????????????????”

“??????????????????????????????????????yes??????????????? u didnt know????????????????????????????????”

“???????????????no??????????????how was i supposed to know?????????????????????”

“well maybe if u actually listend to what people are talking about, you would notice that y/ns name gets mentioned a lot. like a lot, a lot”

“oh”

the rest of the day jeongin listened to what the other students were talking about

and true enough he heard ur name a lot. like a lot, a lot

from “how does y/n look so good in this ugly ass uniform”

to “y/n smiled at me earlier today and,,,,i think im in love”

jeongin groaned and laid his head on the table. “theyll never like me,,,”

he was in the library

“jeongin?”

jeongin froze not daring to look up yet

“jeongin?” u asked again this time a little louder

this time he looked up “y-yes?”

he felt like he couldnt breath for a second when his eyes met yours

“ah um jisung said youre good at science”

u looked ?????????? nervous????????????

“ah i guess i am yes”

i was true he was good at science. it was his best subject

“could” u took a deep breath “could u maybe help with it?”

jeongin gulped “y-yeah sure i can help you with that”

u smiled “thank u so much jeongin”

jeongin seeing u smile: (♡°▽°♡) (♡°▽°♡)

“and maybe” u looked down nervoulsy “would you like to go on,,,,,,,a date,,,, with   me?”

jeongin froze “y-y-you wa-want to go on a-a dat-date with m-m-me???”

“yes” u mumbled still looking down

this was the first time you asked anyone out

you didnt ask people out

people asked You out

jeongin was malfunctioning

“u know what forget i asked” u said about to walk out when jeongin grabbed ur wrist

“no no no no no i would love to go on a date with you” jeongin said maybe a bit too fast for you to understand

he took a deep breath and looked into ur eyes

smksdnjfnaksdadsn

“i would love to go on a date with u”

he said with a very very cute smile making u go asnsmdnjshbdvjhabdjfhbajdhbhsbdjhbasjdhbjashdbjhsa

the end

yikes

u both went on the date and when the guys found out about it they cried

[sailor-cresselia]

Zi-O 34: *Insert Cake Boss Joke Here*

Blah, blah, insert apology for delay here, add in comments about how I’m totally going to watch the two Rider Time trilogies soon, off hand mention of HeiGen Forever’s raw being out, etc etc.

On to the liveblog. I’ve been at this for a long while now, there were. Distractions. (I swear, I really am working on my fics, guys. That was one of the distractions! I promise!)

Todoroki accuses Kyosuke of not only forgetting the Oni code, but of being too soft to take the Hibiki title. Interesting.

Woz’s intense need to Recap is enough to draw him out of a BSOD induced ‘nap’. That’s dedication to his part right there.

Aw, Junichiro’s not entirely certain what’s going on this time around, and looks like he’s kind of intimidated by Kyosuke’s over-the-top stoicism. ...Relatable.

Geiz rightfully calls Kyosuke out on making them go through the training while lying about being Hibiki, and is, of course, shot down by Stubborn McNotHibiki.

Said stubborn git also refuses to answer Sougo’s incredibly justified question as to whether he was the ‘Hibiki’ who trained Tsutomu, so… Sougo asks if Geiz will stay at the shop, while he and Tsukuyomi go to talk to Todoroki.

Poor Woz. Still coming off of his Blue Screen, he gets dragged off with them. While still in a fifty-percent bluescreen state.

“I… don’t remember how to rejoice…? Me…?” ‘Clearly,’ he has no purpose outside of his Proclamations.

Actually… Sougo’s been telling Woz off about the speeches lately, since he keeps trying to do them whenever they go into Trinity. That keeps throwing off the fights, and is driving both Geiz and Sougo up a wall. Maybe he really is losing his old touch.

Hm. So, yeah, Hibiki is, as said earlier, a title, much like being a True Kamen Rider is. It’s downright offensive of Kyosuke to call himself that, when he apparently dropped out as the former Hibiki’s apprentice. To say nothing of taking on an apprentice not only under false pretenses, but while clearly not ready to do so.

This also raises the question of what happened to the former Hibiki, but I don’t exactly think we’ll get that answered.

And Todoroki doesn’t have an apprentice, doesn’t think he’s ready to be a mentor. This, with him having been Todoroki for… hang on, pulling up the wiki because I forgot the year… since 2005, so for around 14 years now. And, as an aside, he didn’t study under ‘the previous Todoroki.’ He studied under Zanki, and said that he… if I remember hearing correctly, that he didn’t feel worthy of his master’s title. So, that’s interesting.

(As an aside, I recently started watching Decade, and just got through the Blade Arc. So it was a bit of a treat when I got to go “Hey! I know that guy!” when Narutaki summoned the AR Todoroki.)

Also… Sougo being all “you dont think your ready for an apprentice, but why not practice for a day? You’re seeing it as a personal weakness, and I have a Loyal Retainer here who’s having some sort of crisis of faith. Maybe you can help each other work through those! :)”

I pout in your general direction, Kyosuke. How dare you insult Junichiro’s cooking! And us having just met Agito, too! So it’s not even a good Distraction Technique, it’s just rude. Besides…

Kyosuke’s more than salty enough to make up for any imagined deficit.

>:3

Geiz left the yearbook out on the table, to get Kysouke to look at it. Geiz is having exactly none of your shit, Kyosuke, you betrayed a small child.

The ‘reading’ fading as he shuts the book is a nice touch.

Geiz: >:( where are you going?

Kyosuke: none of your business >:\

Junichiro: I found the salt! :) … oh. Now everyone’s taken off again… :(

Tsukuyomi: I don’t think leaving Woz to his own devices is a good idea right now. :\ Or inflicting him on anyone else.

Sougo: It’s fine. :)

Ooooh, I really like this fight so far. Kyosuke’s trying to be the one to snap Tsutomu out of his Another Hibiki Rage, but. You know. Can’t thwart stage one, and all. Dude’s not Hibiki, and you need the Specific Riders Power to win. Unless you have something like Zi-O II on hand.

Sougo goes straight into Zi-O II, since, well, it looks like they aren’t getting the correct RideWatch today, after all. I don’t think we’ve seen Zi-O II in a running transformation before now, either, he’s usually stationary.

Yeah, Kyosuke, Tsutomu and Sougo were friends. Why did you think he knew his name back at the shop?

I like the slight reverb effect whenever Sougo’s sword lands a blow, it’s really neat. I think it’s meshing the Cool Techno Music from this transformation with the Drum Aesthetic of Hibiki. It’s neat.

And that’s only added to when Kyosuke catches the finishing attack with his hands. Like. WOW that’s actually REALLY badass, man, I am impressed by that. There’s a sort of… skipping noise? Like a note interrupting itself over and over? I don’t know how to describe it… kind of like a really fast stuck record, but electronic.

But also…. Do Not Block Finishing Moves. That is how people DIE.

See? Now you’re down, and Another Hibiki’s run off. Good going.

:sigh: Sougo, he intentionally took that finisher. Like an idiot. A well meaning one, because he obviously wants to keep Sougo and Geiz from attacking Tsutomu, but still not a good idea. And then he’s an asshole. “No, obviously I’m not okay.”

Sougo, you don’t need to apologize. He’s the one who ran in there.

Kyosuke: “I don’t want your help. Buzz off. I’m the only Kamen Rider Oni we need around here. >:|”

None of the trio is impressed with you, dude.

AHAHAHA Todoroki has Woz doing laundry. (Nice reaction there, bud. I mean, I kind of agree, but way to keep your cool. We totally think you’re a stoic, noble, retainer for your overlord. Yup. That sure is what we’re thinking about you this arc.)

Woz, I get that physical labor isn’t usually your thing, and I get where you’re coming from, but if you’d just told Sougo even a little of what the problem is, you wouldn’t have landed yourself in this situation.

Also, you’re way overthinking the whole birthday thing. You’re not Kogami. Don’t try to be Kogami. Trust me. Do not try to be the cake boss.

And Todoroki’s right – just being with someone is often enough. (I mean, he probably just broke the hearts of any parents who watched Hibiki, but that’s just how it goes.)

After all.

What has Sougo wanted for years, possibly even more than being a king?

He’s wanted friends.

KYOSUKE. You can’t even go sulk properly? At least go further than one building length away.

Anyway, Sougo has to be direct with you. You’ve dodged literally every question that anyone’s asked today. Cut it out.

~ahahaha yes~ Over Quartzer’s acoustic version kicks in for Kyosuke waxing nostalgic about Hibiki.

And turns out that Tsutomu used to say the same things about him.

Okay. Okay i’m. i’m actually starting to cry a little, here. Flashback to when Sougo and Tsutomu were in third grade, Tsutomu’s being bullied about wanting to be an Oni. Sougo RUNS up and shouts the bullies down. Literally shouts – practically screams at them to not make fun of peoples dreams.

They wonder why anyone should care what the new kid thinks, and walk off because they’re bored now.

This means that Sougo’s just transferred in. He’s probably still fresh off of his parents’ deaths. They died less than a month into the school year, so he would have moved in with Junichiro two, maybe three months in, depending on how long he had to stay in the hospital. (probably not nearly as long as Hiryu did.)

Sougo’s brand new here, doesn’t have any friends – won’t have any real friends, knowing what we know of how he turns out – and he jumps to Tsutomu’s defense.

They promptly introduce themselves to each other, their high-reaching dreams included.

(Tiny!Sougo is TINY, especially compared to his classmates. Even the shortest of the bullies is taller than him. He’s so little.)

[At this point, I accidentally paused for over a half hour, because I thought of how to fix a section in chapter three of Press Start to Continue that I was having trouble phrasing. That then led to me patching up several other sections. Why with the small 8 year old protags and the vehicular accidents, Toei…]

Kysouke doesn’t believe that Tsutomu would have called him his hero. He’s none of these amazing things that Hibiki was, he lied about being Hibiki to this small child.

But Tsutomu didn’t know that. He probably found out, and he’s probably pissed at you now, but when he was an elementary schooler… Kyosuke was Hibiki.

Sougo: Work with us. We can save him together. :)

Tsukuyomi: WE FOUND ANOTHER HIBIKI!

Kysouke: … alright. let’s go.

This initial scene in the warehouse is really touching.

Kysouke knows he screwed up, but he couldnt’ help but train Tsumotu – the kid was just so eager to learn.

Training Tsutomu is what made Kyosuke a real Oni. Maybe not Hibiki, not then, but it was… I think that he thinks that was enough, for then. And that is why he’s going to save Tsutomu. He owes him that.

Todoroki listens to all of this from outside the door.

A pink light glows in Kyosuke’s pocket.

(A blogger jumps back to episode 33, to see if they had shown him a blank watch the first time they went to 9-to-5. They had not, they displayed the Zi-O watch. Drat.)

“Master… is this your way of saying I’m ready?”

We have a different passing down of the powers than those before. Whether it’s in Hibiki or in Zi-O.

I still don’t like you, Kyosuke, but. I think this was a really good way to go about this.

Todoroki looks uncertain still. But. He isn’t stepping in. he knew the prior Hibiki. And he said at the top of the episode, that if Kysouke couldn’t take care of the problem, then he would. And now he’s leaving.

Just in time for Woz to stride on in.

Woz: IWAE! A TITLE HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN!

Geiz: (Oh no here we go.)

Sougo: (...is he back to normal now? Or what counts as normal? Even I know he’s weird…)

Woz: I am sorry I was so unprofessional before.

Sougo just nods mutely. (“This is fine.”)

He doesn’t know what your deal has been today, Woz. And at this point, it doesn’t matter. It’s battle time!

Sougo: It’s trinity time!

Woz and Geiz, in unison: WAIT WHAT HOLD ON WE’RE STILL NORMAL SOUGO NO-

AHAHAHA THE TRINITY WATCH DOESN’T CARE IF YOU’RE TRANSFORMED YET OR NOT I’M SO SORRY BOYS

And also apparently it feels wrong to get turned into a wristwatch.

(I tell you, watching Decade now was a great choice. The universal reaction of “WAIT WHAT HOLD ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE” is a gift. The Final Form Rides themselves, not so much. But it’s enough that once Tsukasa shows up in ReUnited, Philip and Shotaro are the ones who are going to warn people. “We’re all teaming up to kick his ass, he has it coming so many times over, but Do NOT Turn Your Back On Decade, he can do Weird Shit to you.”)

That aside, Sougo tries to get them into a fighting pose, but Woz’s gotta Woz. He Must Rejoice. It is in the very fiber of his being. He’s not above hijacking the body. And inside they’re just so resigned to it at this point. Sougo’s little pout when they’re lined up oh my god. (Geiz’s arm is trying not to punch Woz’s. I don’t think he can hold back much longer.)

(Let Geiz have the steering wheel at some point, guys! It’s only fair!)

Kyo- Hibiki: Is that really necessary?!

Sougo: …I mean, we’ve tried to talk him out of it, but…

Geiz: (literally shoving Woz’s arm down) F THIS LETS FIGHT!

And this… eh. It’s a fight. I still like the Trinity finisher(s) – I think I noticed before that there’s projections of the three boys right before they attack. But I didn’t catch that it calls out all three of their ‘finisher names’ in sequence, the same way it calls their Rider names. So that’s a neat touch.

And, at the Passing of the Watch, much like with Blade, Chalice, and Agito…

“Are you sure you want to hand this over? It’s your power. You finally get to be Hibiki.”

“It’s fine. I can find my own path.”

...The lighting in this scene is really nice. It’s not a type we see in Zi-O, though. Is this a visual reference to Hibiki the season? I know that cinematography wise, the first half was very different from the rest of Kamen Rider. And since they had the kanji flashing on screen in this and the previous episode, is this another way of calling back? There’s a lot more bloom than we’ve had before, is all.

“Will you train me again?”

“It won’t be easy.”

“Don’t care!”

That’s really nice. All three of them – Sougo, Kyosuke, and Tsutomu – are making their way down their respective paths.

…

All four of them. Todoroki seems to think he might be ready to take on an apprentice of his own.  

But he has to run it by Hinaka first.

TODOROKI. DID YOU GET TO MARRY HER? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT TO MARRY THE GIRL WHAT HAD A CRUSH ON YOU!

YOU GO HINAKA. WIN THAT DORK OVER.

((Unfortunately, Toei can’t include her beyond a name drop. Miyuki Kanbe, who played Hinaka Tachibana, passed away in 2008. Incidentally, she was the third actress to play Sailor Moon in the stage musicals, which explains why her name looked familiar when I went to the page for Hinaka on the KR Wiki.))

Okay enough of the sappy stuff! Back to 9-to-5!

In the dark.

On Sougo’s birthday.

Which he has made exactly zero mention of himself.

you guys I really don’t think sougo cares about his birthday. I know they aren’t going to bring this up in someone elses tribute episode, but. The bus thing. Literally four days before his ninth birthday. Puts a damper on it. Just as a reminder. Woz whatever you’re planning may be a bad idea.

:sigh: FLASHY SPEECH TIME.

Geiz and Tsukuyomi are just. Used to this. I think they may have helped him write it. Even Geiz has this sort of. Fond resignation to his expression. ...That, or he’s getting a kick out of seeing Woz make a fool of himself. Could be both.

WHO LET WOZ PUT THE RIDEWATCHES ON THE CAKE.

THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

YOU CAN’T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME THEY’RE REPLICAS. THE OVERHEAD ZOOM OUT OF THE ROOM SHOWS THE TABLE WITH THE WATCH STAND. IT’S EMPTY. GUYS WHY.

Aaaaand then my heart broke a little inside.

Sougo’s toy robot, the one that could someday give rise to Rento, is next to the cake, holding up a little sign.

Junichiro: Uh, wait, hang on, you’ve been saying ‘overlord’… you mean ‘king’, right? Please?

Tsukuyomi: Yup! Sure! Just a slip of the tongue! You know how over dramatic Woz gets! (Please don’t dig any deeper!)

And yeah. Sougo completely forgot it was his birthday.

(So, rankings between Sougo, Shinnosuke, and Takeru… which of these riders handles their birthdays going forward the worst?)

(i’m kidding, i’m kidding.)

(mostly)

And then there were four.

Only four more watches to go.

Kiva, who’s coming up in the next arc. Okay, technically the current arc, since it’s Sunday now.

Drive, who might be the next one after that. After all, we did just get the Brain special – with five returning actors.

Kabuto, who… I know jack all about Kabuto, actually. I’ve managed cultural osmosis for parts of literally every one of the Phase One Heisei Riders except for Kabuto. I’ve never heard anything except about some sort of Grandma complex, and something about food. That’s literally all I’ve got.

Four… I guess they must not have gotten Den-O in the movie after all?

I’m planning on watching that, at least in raw form, tomorrow. So. Look forward to that!

As for the preview… I’m pretty sure that woman could kill a man.

And. Um. Are those AnotherVersions of the Fangires from Kiva? Or is that just what they looked like, and Toei brought the old suits back out? I mean, they’ve been kitbashing a lot of old suits together lately, so it could go either way.

Anyway! That’s 34 Episodes of Kamen Rider Zi-O, in the bag! In the archives? The Recap Vault? ... I don’t even know anymore. I’m getting a little out of it. It’s been a rough week. :waves:

[rogueshipagogo]

god i reblogged that post abt being harsher on men that go after teenage girls earlier and ive been thinking abt this shit all day i gotta make a post abt it so i can stop holding onto these thoughts. lmfao this is what happens when u dont have a vent blog lmao wont be too intense but tw i guess anyways, literally nobody is obligated to read this ever

so i pretty much drifted away from all my high school friends and everyone who knew me irl before ~2012 bc i just couldnt stand the idea of going back to face all of those people and know that they just watched me spend 6 years, since i was 14 years old, in explicit and serious long term romantic and sexual relationships with men over 18, over 20, over 21, and never once Say anything abt it, who were in the same boat of supporting it with me; like i know that I could have been the one to be like ‘no, that was wrong, what just happened to me, all that time you, my peers, could have known better and done better by me,’ but also the idea of doing that was so like..... Shameful??? i couldnt go back to being ignorant of what had been done to me but i also couldnt be their example and their lesson. like my entire lifes meaning up until that point was to be the one time main character of a very special episode of a sitcom about high school girls going out with college boys. i didnt want to have to be the one to start that conversation and have everyone either not get it, or just scream at me for falling for it, or treat me like i was being silly, i had always been supportive of my partners despite them being pedophiles, like it was Out Of Character for me, Juliet Capulet, to suddenly start caring when little girls date 20 year olds. i think that was the scariest possibility. it was easier to let that version of me just die, and all of my friendships i had made since 6th grade with it

but a few months ago i agreed to meet up with one of my old best friends again, someone i’d known since i was 12 and who was there the whole time and had met my ex, the adult man, a few times (we were already kinda drifting apart by that time anyways but still hung out infrequently)

and it was honestly mostly fine but at one point she asked me if i was still with him and i had to be like ‘no, he moved out 5 years ago’ (feels good to say that!!) and she literally was like 

‘awwwww how come? you had been together for so long ):’

and i just had to be         like                 ‘oh you know it happens haha!!! we just fell out of love i guess :3′

but i was just like. she’s literally been married and had a child since we stopped talking btw so like she’s very much a mature responsible adult woman now. and that was her reaction. ??????????? it was literally the reaction i was willing to cut her out of my life for 7 years because i was so afraid of and she fucking went for it. like.... i guess it just makes me proud of myself. because i’ve come so far and some people haven’t. and might not ever. even people i loved. even witnesses. even mothers and wives. and when i sit here and think ‘oh all i do is, sit here, and be an sjw, i’ve never had a real job or a car or a family or gone to college’, i just have to remind myself that emotional work, the work that goes into ComPleTely reinventing your entire worldview and the kind of shit you’re willing to put up with from society and your peers and your loved ones, is just as valid and just as tangible and deserves just as much recognition. still not very motivated to try getting back in contact with her or anyone else from my old friendgroup tho for a while lmfao sorry lads

edit: i didnt want to make another post just to say this but lmfao i looked at the post i reblogged abt this topic earlier today that made me think abt this again and im losing my mind at how ‘transparently fucking pathetic and selfish and utterly undesirable and know that women w more life experience will recognise those things about them immediately‘ could and should be engraved on my exes tombstone

[ddcassiere]

That’s exactly what happened

Jesus surrounded by tits - cheap chinese acrylic on cheap chinese A4 paper - Porto, April 2018

During my 2017-2019 busking, hitchiking, gigging, world tour, I couldnt help but painting most of my mornings away. 

(As I write, right now, I am hangover from few glasses of wine I had yesterday with my friends, I hope you accept the randomness of this post. I am 33 and it gets harder in the mornings..)

I had prepared other topics to talk through but I just realized that I would rather write this blogs on feelings of the moment rather than on a detailed plan. And that to me, this principle could be applied to anything. 

It’s not by chance that in one of the songs from Multipolar Vol. 1 I sing:

“..con l’aspettativa di non averti piu’, cara Aspettativa..” - Un Di-Di.

(with the expectation of having you no more, dear expectation)

song here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjYCJLvxe1I

full album here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xksf6hpuLlA&t=5s

At the moment I write this post, I am listening to Johnny Cash. Even though I cant say I have listened to him for more than just 5 years or so, I can tell you that this guy has had as much influence to me as any other huge icons of mine.

On a gloomy day of November 2016, I was resting in bed, having a free day from my then “normal’ job. I was so heavily depressed about not having time for playing that I could no more smile. 

I felt a fucking heavy weight on my chest and I started to consider seriously the idea of killing myself and goodbye everybody, goodbye stupid job, boring days and conversations, my time was dead anyway.

From times to times I would bring the guitar at work and after finishing the shift I would go to the main square of Wroclaw, Poland, open the case, throw in some of my own coins, expose my first album and start to play.

Me as a very happy employee - pic by friendly pic machine in Rome Tiburtina, right before leaving to Wroclaw, August 2015

I cant describe how happy you can be, to do something like that and just earn enough to keep you sheltered and fed. It sends you to space, seriously. You start levitate as you walk back homeward. Butterflies in the stomach. 

I would earn more in a hour than I would earn in the same time doing a shitty job. And the shitty job provided me with a rented apartment that, even though it was cozy, I never had time to actually enjoy, and with money that barely fed me and got me drunk on weekends to forget my shitty fucking boring life. That was it. 

I was earning money enough to keep me alive to go to work. Just like a slave. Just like pretty much everybody.

So I did start thinking it would have been a cool idea to try my life on the street. But I was never serious about that. 

Will I survive? Will I end up cold and hungry on a dark corner of a far away city? Will I this and will I that?..

It takes several kilos of balls to drop everything.. every comfort, every goddamn warm bed and new clothes, every new pair of shoes to follow your forever dreams.

And I didnt think I had those balls back then.

In the previous weeks, before that day laying in bed, I met and hosted few couchsurfers who encouraged me to do it. But that still wasnt enough.

Some calls it law of attraction, some call it fate, I think in my case it’s about planting seeds and wait for them to grow as spring comes through. So when that day I heard “I walk The line’ by Johnny Cash and precisely the first sentence, I felt like I had heard that song for the first time in my life. 

It was an epiphany of my whole being: “I find it very very easy to be true”.

A bit tired after the flight to Tehran - Jan 2017 - Pic by I forgot the name

In my belly I felt something was planted, some kind of flower of hope that would have grown and I just had to be careful enough to protect it from storms. 

Then few days after I had a dream. It was a very long dream and I will try to make it short. I had killed Tom Waits and I was in Jail with Michael Stipe from the R.e.m.

All my friends and colleagues were in jail with me. Nobody seemed to mind about being in jail. They all acted as if it was allright to be in jail.

I woke up earlier than usual and kept writing the dream on my little notebook as I was going to work with the tram. I felt very strange.

The day after I catched a fever. Violent fever that forced me in bed for a week. 

I listened to Johnny Cash again. Then something happened that I wouldnt know how to describe. Because I wasnt fully conscious of what it was by then.

Tow days earlier Leonard Cohen died. Two days after Trump was elected.

This is the amount of tobacco I smoke when I hear new like those - Tbilisi, Georgia, March 2017. 

I can just say that in a half an hour I found myself, as ragged and dirty and feverish I was from a week spent at home, right in front the door of the HR department of my job. Waiting in line to be received.

Then signing my resignation papers. Then going back home like a sleepwalker.

Then booking a flight to Tehran. Then booking a bus to Italy. Then throwing 3/4 of my clothes out the trash bins right outside the block. For the joy of the now very sharply dressed homeless guys.

Then packing. Then drinking an ice cold beer. All in all it took 3 hours to change my life. 

All I hadnt given away from the apartment in Wroclaw. And that was now coming to Italy with me. - Wroclaw old bus station, 2017 - Pic by Katarzyna Peukart

A month later I was a free man (as free as you can be in Iran) playing in Tehran and in Shiraz street Afif Habad. I will come back home in a moment I would say.

Sleepwalking in Rome, going to take my flight to Tehran - Rome 2017, pic by Nicole Simoncelli. 

Ready to leave? Pic by Nicole Simoncelli

But it went on and on. I hitchiked my way back to Europe and it took me two years. I slept out in on benches a couple of time here and there. In Greece, In Chech Republic, in Portugal. I travelled more than 20 countries mostly by autostop, I gigged wherever needed. I washed my clothes everyday in the hostel showers, by hand and by feet, I ate what I could eat and I tried to stay warm. Even though that wasnt always possible.

Playing setar in Esfahan. Creation by Sofya Zeinilava

Now I am tired of writing. I need to come back to my music. I promised a dear artist friend to send her some ambient music for her exhibition in Prague.  And tomorrow is Fat Jesus day so I need to work also on that. And there are so many other projects going on.

Posing with the clear blue sky of the smiley city of Tehran on the fucking I forgot the name of the bridge. Tabiat I think, yes I googled it and its Tabiat- Pic by Fatemeh A. - Tehran 2017

Johnny Cash still plays here in my flat in Italy. And I feel he is planting more seeds in me, and that I strongly feel the hitch to come back on the road.

And I feel things are changing inside of me. But I dont plan. 

Well I do, but in the end, if there is something I learned from these two years on the road, is that it’s not me that decides, but the music. As it has always been and as it will always be. Amen and see you next friday with “Naked Songs”

.Love, Courage and Joy to each and every one.

D.

[cyberdaisy23]

No one sends me anything, so.....

NSFW ASKS.

1:When did you lose your virginity? At about 14 2: Rough sex or soft sex? Soft at first, and gradually getting more rough  3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? Not sure if knifeplay is “unusual” considering the lifestyle I’m in. 4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? Daddy’s truck. 5: Favourite sex position? Doggy style c: 6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? Submissive all the way. 7: Have you ever had any one night stands? Noooo 8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? Don’t matter to me. 9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Define “public”... lmao 10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? Nope. 11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? Just a black lace thong.  12: How often do you have sex? Not as often as I’d like to. Damn pregnancy. 13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? Yes. always. 14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? Giving. 15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? Pretty sure my mother has heard us many times. 16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? haha probably something by Excision. That’d be intense. 17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? Anything by Journey. 18: Are you into dressing up for sex? Ye c: 19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? Bath. Standing in the shower is dangerous. 20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? Daddy!!!!! c: 21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? Kinda? It’s not our thing.

22: Do you/would you use sex toys? Yes.

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? Yep. 24: Would you have sex with your best friend? No 25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) Vape. Maybe eat a piece of pie. 26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? Neck kisses, nibbles, and choking... oh lawd. 27: Early morning sex or late night sex? Before I got pregnant? Late night sex. Now? Crack of fucking dawn XD 28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? DICK 29: Favourite body part on the same sex? tiddy 30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: nothing actually o.o 31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: butt stuff :I 32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] ehhh  33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: unless it’s consensual by both parties, always use a condom. 34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: salsa con queso... XD 35: Worst possible time to get horny: Just... at all during this pregnancy. XD 36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? Yes! Holy fuck. 37: How much fapping is too much fapping: when your dick falls off. Or you ignore your partner for your hand. 38: Best sexual complement you ever got: “You’re so wet but so tight. Jesus.” XD 39: Favorite foreplay activities:  suckin’ dick 40: What do you wear to bed? a tshirt, and undies c: 41: When was the first time you masturbated: When I was like...13? 42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? ....>.> not no mo 43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? In daddy’s truck XD Like.... earlier this year 44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? Yea...I would. 45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? Nope. not again. 46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? A razor handle....xD 47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? Meh porn isn’t my thing  48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) Nah I mean I like it, I just prefer to see him enjoy himself c: 49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? daddy has a few and I love them. 50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? Nu .3. 51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? HOT SAUCE.  52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? I’m daddy’s little pornstar c: 53: Do you watch porn? ....occasionally here on tumblr, ye 54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? “Dirty little kitten” counts right? and because I’m into some things, man. 55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? No. I don’t like fabric against my princess parts unless it’s undies ;3; 56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? As long as they shower idgaf 57: If you could give yourself head, would you? no. 58: Booty or Boobs? Boobies c:  59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Absolutely not! fuck outta here. 60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? I’d probably jack off all day xD that’s about it XD 61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? mmhm c: 62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? Mmmmhm... XD 63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? I’m a girl, so no. I have not had an erection. 64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) Clitoral.  65. What is your bra/penis size? A cup bra xD 66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? A makeup brush... XD 67. When was the last time you masturbated? I dunno o.o 68. When was the last time you had sex? Last week XD I’m all about oral rn. 69. When was the last time you watched porn?  12am this morning, scrolling tumblr XD 70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?  I wanna buy a clitoral vibrator  of some sort. If anyone has any recommendations that are cheap and have multiple speeds, hmu XD  71. Guys:Circumsized? Haven’t been with one that isn’t .3. Never tried it. 72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? My neck. 73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? My vagina XD 74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? I wish -_- 75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? No 76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? last night... which is probably why I tried gettin’ it in this morning but daddy was sleeping on his tummy and he was up all night so, I’ma wait till later XD 77. Which wet dream was your favorite? Just, any dream with him in it, really. Not even sexual. if he’s there, my body is ready. Fuck me up. 78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? Nah 79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? No. 80. Favorite sexual position?  doggy style. Didn’t I already answer this? XD 81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? No .3.  82. Are you into any BDSM? Yes. *3* 83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? Yes... When me and Daddy first met, he was with someone... I couldn’t do anything ;3; 84. Do you like dirty talk? Kinda. I’m gettin’ there.  85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? Loud during sex, quiet when masturbating. Clearly you can tell which I like better XD 86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? Yes! My fucking mother. 87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? If it looks good, watch it XD 88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? No, actually o.o 89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? Yea... 90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? No. And no. 91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? Nope. 92. Ask whatever you want - SINCE NO ONE DID THIS ONE IS USELESS.

[crown-eater]

Only the Vital Ones

[ With Symbiotic Self-Indulgence, 3.] [ The Uptake (table of contents) ]

defunct outdated draft. you want this one

“In those days, desires weren’t allowed to become reality. So, fantasy was substituted for them–films, books, pictures. They called it ‘art.’ But, when your desires become reality, you don’t need fantasy any longer, or art.”

–Amyl Nitrate, “Jubilee”

The small kitchen table in Cecil and ‘Choly’s studio apartment abutted a full-height open-frame modular shelving unit which doubled as a space divider. Slumped at it, before ‘Choly was a quaint parchment-and-string box, a small kitchen knife, and his reader on a kickstand. He rubbed at his face in a dull restlessness, staring down some of the pieces he had in his drafts. Ultimately, he stood and paced a good bit the long narrow space which ran from one end of the apartment to the other, a track which functioned not unlike a hallway.

“Are you all right?” Cecil asked from the loft-bunk in the front corner of the room, not looking up from  where he’d curled up with a physical book. “I made more coffee before I got comfy, if you want.”

“Yeah, trying to work on some writing. A hot drink sounds good, really.”

'Choly rinsed out his mug and poured himself a fresh cup, and sat again. Then, he snipped the string with the knife and unfurled the wrappings to reveal a wax-coated box. His glasses came off and lay across the table from him, as he continued massaging at his cheeks and chin and neck marbled with scars. Abruptly, he switched frames to his messenger app and clicked on Augen’s username. A heavy sigh came out of him, and rather than initiate conversation he produced from the small box a chalky-looking pastel ball the size of a fruit. With a small detachment he smoothed out the parchment with his free hand, setting the ball down atop it with the other. He also fished from the box a plastic bottle containing a thick amber substance, which he set by his drink. Drawing up the knife, he was about to make a cut, but stopped short.

“I got confec earlier. Y’want a slice?” He would have mentioned the resin, but didn’t want to share that.

“Hm? Yeah, I’ll take it.” Inviting it, Cecil didn’t question the acquisition.

The dreg pressed the knife into the edge of the ball, which had a mealy consistency somewhere between soap and fudge. A quarter-inch butt fell to the paper, and he got up and took it over to his boyfriend, who reached down to accept it. Cecil put it in his mouth, a dry ineffectual suck, and sank back down into his nest of comforters to return to his book. Once he’d returned again to his reader, ‘Choly made two more slicing motions and doled one disc for himself, letting the hyssop-like bouquet dissolve on his tongue as he sank into his chair and stared at the messenger window he’d opened.

ketherphorbia: what are you up to tonight, fish dick?

9augen: admiring the moon, if it really interests you. its full tonight

ketherphorbia: you’re such a goth omg

9augen: im taking a break from scavving the ocean bed of the bay. its not a bad thing to pause and admire natural beauty. honestly im surprised i can see it from beneath the surface of the water

ketherphorbia: you can? that’s nuts

ketherphorbia is typing…

9augen: i found another prosthetic eye earlier. i think that makes 5 now

ketherphorbia has stopped typing.

ketherphorbia: do you ever write to get shit out of your system? like. not in a carnal sense. sort of in a carnal sense. an emotional sense. a purgative sense?

ketherphorbia: also that sounds neat. dare i say eye-catching

9augen: terrible

9augen: im not sure i see what youre getting at, but most of the time my writing takes a particular headspace. that, or as you insinuated, a good inspiration does wonders to get me in the mood for it as well

ketherphorbia is typing…

ketherphorbia: you remember how i was writing stories about me getting with the geek, but then i stopped abruptly? the last wip i posted before i stopped, was right after i found out that the geek and larva were the same person. early on, the reasons i couldn’t reconcile with finishing the piece were because of how badly the encounter went when i first met him. then he caught me stalking him and.

ketherphorbia: you remember that right? i know i sent you a selfie of the black eye he gave me

9augen: you couldnt shut up about it for a month.

ketherphorbia: he even tracked me down, what, five weeks later? and things got super weird. i’m still trying to process everything that happened. 

ketherphorbia: forewarning i’m thrushed

9augen: hoping a mouthful of wax would help you focus? noble, i suppose

9augen: this is about the walls, isnt it.

ketherphorbia: not quite. and yet exactly

ketherphorbia: i just. i owe it to him to get the details right, don’t i? it feels real lousy to even consider writing a nonfictional account of him, and yet

ketherphorbia: i feel like i need to get the very concept of him in print to get it out from inside of me. i know it’s already been two years since the walls went up, but i don’t think it’s possible for me to forget even for a day

ketherphorbia: how do you stay motivated to write something that hurts and arouses you, both in ways nothing else has ever really managed to?

9augen: a difficult question. but, perhaps a better reply is another question: who are you writing this for?

ketherphorbia has stopped typing.

ketherphorbia: …i’d say it was for me, but i feel like i need to put his ghost to rest. i’d say it was for him, but it’s also in hopes of jamming my brain because something more accurate could exist of him. and i’d say it was for you or any of my followers, but i… don’t even know if i can bring myself to post it after completing it…

ketherphorbia: i gotta have a second slice

9augen: youre already waxing, man. i dont blame you for wanting to melt, but i know you dislike worrying cecil

ketherphorbia: we’re both thrushed tbh. i could eat the whole confec right now and i’m considering it. gives everything such a *veneer*

9augen: seeing what youd write from that would be entertaining to say the least. that is, if you even got words on screen.

ketherphorbia: …you’re right

9augen: you never did tell cecil about the geek, did you? have you ever wanted to?

ketherphorbia: i told him about chalcedony. and he hasn’t said anything but i know he knows about the geek. i don’t think i will ever get used to how open he is to it. it’s as though he believes leaving me untethered keeps me more faithful. he’s not wrong, though, i guess

ketherphorbia: i miss your face

ketherphorbia: i miss you sandwiched between us. skin like glue

9augen: stop wasting your high on me and go burn yourself out on your writing, bug dick. i need to get back to work anyway

ketherphorbia: …yeah…

[amorrain1990-blog]

Tips to dating in 2017

I know what your thinking, "Who needs dating tips?" If your in a relationship OBVIOUSLY this isnt for you. I write this for the single people, not just females, but anyone who is freshly out of a relationship, those who are just tired of the same old experiences and looking for something real, or those who have no idea where to start in this new age era of dating online. Mainly I want to share my experiences with the world. If my words can help anyone, even just a little bit, or make someone laugh and forget about the terrible day they had, then one of my life goals will be accomplished. if your still reading this you must be seriously bored.. Just kidding and honestly thank you to those that decided that this was worth the time. So for a little background on me and why I decided to spend my valuable (not) time putting this together. I am a serial dater. Yes I admit it. Phew, first step to quiting your problem.... Anyways, ever since I started dating at 14 years of age, (if you can call it that when your that young) I never went more than a few months without a boyfriend. At 16 I met who I thought was the man I would someday marry. 6 years later, I woke up and realized that I wasted most my young adult life being a housewife without the big shiny ring and the bragging rights. Well I lasted about 4 days before I was back on the saddle and thinking I was in love again. I of course wasnt. After that ended, I entered another long term relationship. 4 years and a hell of a lot of tears later, I ended it and here I am now. Sitting here pouring my thoughts into Tumblr, knowing full well that no one will ever read this. But im doing this not just for others. Im mainly doing it for me. I made a New Years resolution to stay single all year. Theres been a few hiccups over the first month of the year, but so far still single. Its important to prove to myself that I do not need to be tied down, that I can be my own person and do things without a MAN. ( For clarification, I am in no way shape or form a feminist) Every woman should be comfortable with who they are, and shouldnt have to rely constantly on the male species. Dont get me wrong, I love guys! Who doesnt? Their manly smell, their muscles and of course the all important Penis. Although I enjoy the company and presence of a man, I also want to get down to the real nitty gritty, the foundation that is me. I need answers to important questions like : Who am I? What can I accomplish on my own? And most importantly, What talents do I have to share that will leave my own personal mark on humanity? No answers yet, but eh, its only been a month. Now to get down to the good stuff: Online dating. Ive dabbled for a few years with it. I learned a lot, and not always the easy way. Nonetheless, I would like to leave some imparting (and possibly humorous) words of wisdom. Over the time ive spent online, browsing through guys like a damn Ikea catalouge, I have come to the realization that NO ONE IS EVER AS THEY SEEM. No, dont argue. I do not care if youve added them on facebook and stalked them on Snapchat. CAMERAS CAN LIE. I dont care if he looks like Channing Tatum and Mark Wahlberg had a wacky (albeit ingenious) science experiment and they had a devestatingly handsome baby. Keep in mind filters and angles can make just about anyone look good. That goes for both men and women. Yes ladies im talking about you. If you arent comfortable enough with yourself to let a stranger see the real you, then how do you expect to truly find someone who loves you for you? I am not completely heartless, nor am I a virgin to using a snapchat filter a time or two (or five) but there are ways to keep it real and get away with it. You may be wondering why I brought this up? Heres why: I have had more than once, met some one online, thought they were handsome in their photos,(Yes photos can be altered, but I always look at all photos. They may not show the real guy behind the profile, but there is always a lot you can infer from their pictures. but i will touch bac on that at another time.) Back to my story, I usually am very good at picking out the phonies from the real. Like I said earlier, ive got some experience in this area. So the other day im bored talking to people online and this one guy hits me up wanting to hang out. He was super sweet and his pics werent too bad so I decided to roll with it and take him up on his offer. We talked for a week and to me thats better than most guys who just send a HEY and then ask for nudes. He came to pick me up and when i met him in person I was a little bit dissapointed that his pictures online didnt seem to really look like him too much. But im not shallow so I decided to give him a chance. He was a sweetheart and absolute gentleman, but i just wasnt attracted to him. If theres no chemistry, theres no chemistry. Plain and simple. Cant force it. Anyways, two hours later he dropped me off at home (we just sat and talked the whole time.) Overall i enjoyed the experience but in the back of my mind I knew he wasnt what i was looking for. Not that i know what that is, but maybe someday ill find that story book romance. The kind that takes your breath away and covers your skin with goosepimples. (meh, a girl can dream right?) The sad part is that i considered myself almost a pro at weeding out the guys who i know are a waste of time and those who arent. I had kissed more than my fair share of toads. Like the first time i tried online dating... (Hilarious flashback) I had just started out on this dating app, after getting my heart handed to me extra well done, and i obviously had no clue what i was doing. this kid(i think he lied about his age cause i thought he was 21 or 22, but in person he looked 12) starts chatting with me. We find out that we both liked to smoke and he seemed cool. He wanted to meet and i was lonely and depressed enough that i agreed to let him come over. His profile pics made him look like a redheaded justin beiber and i thought to myself, now brittany, youve never ever had good luck with redheads. But i chose to ignore that side of the brain. He called me unable to find the address so i met him outside. He got out of his car and lets just say, Justin Beiber? not even close. The kid knew that if he did his hair just like beibers in his photos, hed get more girls. But what he didnt realize is that if your going to use that to your advantage, maybe take the time to do it outside of just for your profile pictures. So, he asks what i would like to do, and i can already tell im not going to like this kid. Mainly because he was very indecisive, and i had to eventually tell him what we were going to do because i got tired of getting in and out of his car. So we decide to chill and smoke. My close friends know i can be a bit of a snob when it comes to marijuana. But i was born and raised in california. When your used to the best, other stuff is almost unsmokable. The entire reason i agreed to meet him may have been selfish on my part, he did say he would bring some and i hate smoking alone, so i guess i deserved what happened next. He pulls out his bag and then apologizes because he only brought a nug with him. But after i smelled it and looked at it i told him to forget it and we would smoke what i had. I could tell he was a little immature just from him trying to converse with me. It was obvious he thought this would be a hookup. He was like a teenager on prom night, bouncing around, nervous and looking for an excuse just to touch me. Of course he would be leaving disappointed. Not only was he starting to annoy me, but he brought crappy ass weed to my apartment. If you are a stoner, then you know how insulting that is. Somehow, amid his incessant chatter, a spider had made it to his face and was hanging off his nose. I couldnt stop staring at it! I wondered while he continued to talk, if he felt it at all. I was so fascinated by it i think he finally noticed and tried to slyly wipe at his nose. It took him three tries before he managed to rid himself of the arachnid. And cruelly i had wished it would bite him just so he would leave. As if my lack of effort in his one sided conversation wasnt enough of a clue that i wasnt interested, he then proceeded to sit next to me. He complimented me and then asked if he could kiss me. I didnt even reply before he leaned in and tried to toungue my closed mouth. I couldnt help it, I laughed. It was like kissing a relative. Not in an incestuous way, but in a awkward and not enjoyable in ANY way. I could tell i hurt his feelings when i pushed him away (the laughing part didnt help either) but at that point i was ready to enjoy the rest of the night with my favorite person: me. Luckily he finally got the hint and announced he was leaving because i obviously wasnt into him or having a good time... I was a little taken aback. I didnt think he could tell that i was getting fed up. I felt bad and lied to him, claiming exhaustion was the reason. Well it didnt work so he finally said he was just going to leave. I was too relieved to care. Needless to say i never talked to him again. Not that he didnt try! You would think a guy would take a hint and find someone who actually liked him. But thats what the block button is for, haha. (yes i know im heartless) And that leads us back to rule #1: Dont always expect to see the guy in the profile picture. 9 times out of 10 they took the pic when they were in highschool 5 years ago, or they angle it just right that you cant tell if theyre obese or not (again, not shallow, ive dated guys of all sizes) Or they just dont know how to take pics at all and look terrible in all of them. OR my personal fav, the guess who. (its where most of their pics are of them with other guy friends, most the time hotter friends, so you spend all this time trying to figure out which one is the actual sn: bicycleman007 or some lame shit. Only to spend the next 10 mins scrolling until i finally find an alone shot only to reveal that he wasnt the one on the left that i thought was hot. (ok this thing is getting longer than i thought. Time to wrap it up lol) One last thing that I think is just as important if not more so than rule number one: Rule #2: TRUST YOUR GUT. No exceptions, no excuses. JUST DO IT. 10 times out of 10 my gut has been right. That May be just a tad bit of an exaggeration, but seriously you will not feel guilt or regret when you follow your gut. Everytime i have followed it, I jump up in the air and do a dance because i was right and i did the right thing and felt so amazing afterward. The unfortunate times i failed to listen to that tiny inner voice, ive wanted to kick myself right in the tit. with boots on. But oh well, you live and learn and grow from it. Or vent on a blog with my absurdly long post. (just for those certain opinionated people, im not always right, everyone experiences things differently and in their own way.. this is just my experience. take it or leave it but dont be a douche about it. lol) Well thats it for now, but i will be putting more of my crazy experiences and tips for dating later. -b