#i cried on friday. i haven't cried since. but i've had waves of having to remember she's gone that make me sad.

[youremyonlyhope]

.

[dayisfading]

just a few things (oops longer than i planned)

parents are very supportive of my mattress purchase. i stripped my bed to wash my sheets etc including the mattress pad i've been using for about a year now. i went in to talk to my mom and she was like, "that mattress is HORRIBLE. i had no idea." this is so funny bc truly it's like -- how do you know that your mattress sucks? it starts sucking gradually and unless you spend sufficient time on a different kind of mattress (which i have probably only done once or twice in the last two years), you have no frame of reference. i didn't realize the mattress itself was causing pain until i slipped my hand under my back, initially just to provide some support, and realized the springs digging into my back felt like a bunch of rocks wrapped in some thin padding. i am now wondering how much of the back pain i am frequently experiencing could be relieved just by getting a new mattress.

i am reading the circle by dave eggers. this is the first book i have picked up since the outlier (a few months ago, failed to finish; will return to it eventually). i got a kindle on black friday. thing is, i saw the movie adaptation of the circle before i realized it was based on a book. the movie is Not Great. and i am by no means a movie snob. it was confusing b/c by the end i realized the bones of the plot were really interesting but something about the execution threw it off (and the acting. we don't talk about emma watson. she is my beloved, but.) tom hanks couldn't even save it. THAT SAID, the book is great and i'm not at all put off by knowing the main bullet points of the plot, though i can't stop picturing one of the characters as karen gillan bc she was a great choice for the role, i fully hear the dialogue in her voice. i am 40% through it in less than two days!

on friday night, i came home from the holiday party socially exhausted and trying desperately to come down from this wave of overwhelm that i've been riding since, like, october. i wanted to turn my brain off. i planned to play euro truck simulator. but i could not find the actual usb connector for my controller. i looked everywhere. could not find it! i literally cried in frustration. then i remembered i have coloring pixels installed, which is a great color-by-number for pixel paintings. i haven't touched it in probably over a year, at least, but holy shit was it a great decision because i needed an actual break and it worked. turned brain off. actually felt relaxed. i have been looking for a way to unwind/decompress that does not necessarily involve tv or video games (though this technically is one). if you have not heard of it, it is free btw, with 99 cent themed packs for extra pages. also nice relaxing background music-in game. i highly recommend it!

[amytheforgetmenot]

Chapter 3: Commit To the Bit

Commit To the Bit: A Danny Gonzalez tale sequel

Chapter 3: Shock announcement by side character at end *SCARY?!* 🫣

Sequel to Lost In the Rainforest: A Danny Gonzalez Tale

Overall story description: After being retuned home Danny Gonzalez works to find the rat that kidnapped him, and in the process discovers disturbing secrets about the workings of the government, and finds they may have had a hand in his abduction. What will he do after learning about their plans? Will he find Marcelle? Will he save all of his friends?

It had been a few days since Kurtis and Danny's conversation, and Danny had decided to stay in Kurtistown to contemplate what he was going to do next. He didn't want to be taken away again! And he feared that if he went home it would be easier for some people to track him down and take him! He didn't want to be without sparkling water! It's the only form of water he can consume and without it his throat and tongue would be dry forever! Danny shivered at the thought.

He had decided it best not to tell Amy about what happened. While he highly doubts Amy could be involved in such a thing, he is worried about someone overhearing his conversation. Danny kept getting more and more consumed by thoughts and anxieties he had about all of this Marcelle business when suddenly... MARCELLE!

Marcelle was RUNNING toward him at a high speed! "I'M GONNA GET YOU AND PUT YOU INTO MY VOLVO SUV!" Marcelle yelled. Danny was dismayed by this. He tried to run, but he was frozen, forced to watch Marcelle only run closer and closer toward him, when suddenly he saw another person was next to him... President MrBeast?

"YOU'RE TOO GOOFY FOR THE PUBLIC!" President MrBeast screamed. He was holding a butterfly catching net except it was the perfect size for a Danny! Danny then noticed a rat costume in his other hand.. "THIS IS FOR YOU!" He yelled, waving the costume around. Danny's eyes widened, more afraid than ever. "Danny." A familiar female voice spoke to him faintly. He looked around but couldn't find where the voice was coming from. Then suddenly in the distance he saw.. Drew? They put him in a rat costume,  he was tied up, and he was being pulled in a red wagon by.. Logan Paul!

Danny jolted awake. "I have been trying to wake you up for a few minutes now. Are you okay?" Amy asked. Danny looked around at his surroundings nervously, and found he was able to move again. "No! I just had the most horrible nightmare about Drew, Marcelle, Logan Paul, and the president." Danny cried. Amy seemed very concerned. "Why would you think that the president wants to kidnap you?" asked Amy. "Um... no reason. It was just a nightmare." Danny said nervously. 

"Is there something you want to talk about? Something you haven't told me?" Amy questioned. Danny felt confused. It wasn't like Amy to talk like this. "Well, you seem stressed... We should go somewhere to relax... We could see a movie. Varli's new film is out. I've heard it's the best Marvel movie since Endgame." Amy beamed. "Um, Okay." Danny said, "Let's see a movie I guess."

They got in her plane and flew to the movie theatre. Luckily it was a short flight, only about 30 seconds. Danny made sure to eat some Biscoff biscuits. He ate as much of that stuff as he could. It truly was the best plane snack!

"We should hurry! We don't want to miss it." Amy said as they walked into the movie theatre. Danny noticed despite it being 6 pm on a Friday no one was at the theatre. They got their popcorn and found their seats. He noticed that as the movie began, the showing they were attending was still completely empty except for them. He didn't know if it was the trailer for a scary movie that played before the movie started, or if it was the empty theatre or both, but Danny started to feel very unnerved.

He looked at Amy and thought about their interaction earlier. It had made him feel a little uncomfortable. What did she mean when she said "is there something you haven't told me." It's like she knew what Kurtis had told him. Now that he was thinking about it, how much did he really know about Amy? Because now she has him in an almost empty building, at night, in a dark room alone. How many people has he seen here besides the one employee that gave them popcorn? How easy would it be for her to kidnap him and bring him to Marcelle!? No! She saved him from the tropical rainforest. Why would she do that if she wasn't on his side? 

Then he thought more about their interactions that day, and what she said when he told her about his nightmare. Danny felt his heart sink. She had asked him why he thinks the president would want to kidnap him. He never mentioned anyone being kidnapped in his nightmare!!!

"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back" Danny said. "Okay" Amy replied. He walked quickly out of the theatre and walked right passed the bathroom. He kept thinking more and more... Ever since she saved him she has stayed everywhere he had stayed, constantly wanting to hang out. She had been feeding him Biscoff.. What if she tainted it with ingredients that could weaken him? She is very powerful.. She said she was the owner of multiple companies, and she's rich so they must be big companies. What if she has some benefit in taking down those who are too goofy? What if people paid her to pretend to be his friend and gain his trust!

He decided to leave. He walked down the street away from the theatre trying to come up with a plan. He couldn't go home, it would be too easy to find him. He didn't have a ride either. How was he supposed to get out of town? He left his money by his seat!

"Danny?" Amy yelled leaving the movie theatre and starting to walk toward him. "I'm not Danny! I don't know what you're talking about." Danny said, putting on a British accent and deepening his voice. He hid his face. "I know it's you Danny. You're wearing the same clothes as you were before." She said.

"Why are you trying to ditch me? Did I do something that upset you?" Amy added, continuing to walk closer to him. Danny stopped replying. She eventually reached Danny, and walked in front of him and turned to face him to try and get his attention.

"Please don't kidnap me!" Danny blurted out looking very afraid. "Kidnap you? Why would I do that?" Amy looked bewildered. "I would never do anything to harm you. I thought we were friends... I thought you thought that too." She faltered. Danny looked up at her for the first time since leaving the building. She looked genuinely concerned and upset.

"It's just that thing you said earlier," Danny felt kind of silly now after hearing how genuinely worried she seemed, "You mentioned the president wanting to kidnap me in my dream when I never mentioned kidnapping..." Danny paused to think, "But, I guess you may have just assumed that because I mentioned Marcelle being there too." He looked at the ground feeling bad for villainizing her so quickly.

There was a short silence. "I should have told you sooner." Amy said quietly. "What are you talking about?" Danny questioned. "I know about the effort to try to decrease goofy levels." Amy declared, "I'm in the CTBG,"

"The Commit to The Bit Group, also known as the rebellion."

[farfrompleasant]

Happy Freyja Friday!!!

So I remember reading that adult beardies shed only once or twice a year??? Poor Freyja she's so extra she's doing more than the other beardies 😭

Or maybe it's because she only does a part of body at a time? But since adult beardies shed due to wear and tear they don't need to do whole body like when they're growing right so that doesn't make a lot of sense either 🤔 what an enigma

Yeah, Everyone is over this heat wave 🥲 my ass has to go outside like five times a day to keep Nova from going potty in the house and I hate that for me lol

You're right monitors can be huge! I think because there's like a bunch of different species all in the monitor family, like isn't a komodo dragon also a monitor lizard???

Speaking of komodo dragons, sometimes I forget that reptiles are such an ancient species, it's so fascinating! Did you come across any cool bits in your research on monitors? Komodo dragons have venom in their saliva which is cool/gross/scary not necessarily in that order lol

Ya Lizzie is a drama queen because she's developed this thing over the years where she's possessive of me. Her vet actually straight up said she's resource-guarding me during a visit and asked me to step out 😭 (pre-pandemic times so it's been a thing with her for ages)

Can you cool Freyja down by giving her ice cubes in her water or bath? Freezing her treats? Is she okay in this dang heat!

So Heller and Wallace are not being the same about Nova in the house at all, Wallace will taunt Nova when she's in her crate minding her business, and Heller just cries for Wallace to not go downstairs because he's scared, just like when they first got home and weren't used to all the space and creatures in the space yet 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's pretty bad at catch

Omgg Happy Freyja Friday (x3) ?

I'm unsure, but I know that it's been a while huh 😅 I've thought of just sending you small blurbs of content just cause I missed sharing stuffs with you 🥺

Instead, I went cold turkey, especially since I haven't been taking many pictures of Miss Girl lol and if you must know, I've been a lot better since the last time we talked c:

Now, onto Freyja Friday! I'm sure you've had inquiries while I've been gone and I'm looking forward to hearing from my dear friend ❤️

Yeah... Freyja has to be a different breed because she sheds damn near every month-- she's shedding as we speak, actually. And my god, I'm sure eye shed is the most uncomfortable feeling along with nose shed and where she expels waste (idk what to really call it but I've been calling it her russy😭) I don't know... there will be multiple parts of her body simultaneously shedding, but yeah the process is not like that of a snake; there is no one full, swoop. I would love to know why is it that she sheds so much, but I'll have to settle to her being an enigma... a high maintenance one at that. Kidding! it's no biggie to me c: and to answer your question, she’s pretty lax in regards to these heat waves... I heard that beards (and maybe reptiles as a whole) cannot eat frozen foods or treats. I think by them being exoteric, they might not be able to digest cool/frozen goodies properly ://

BUT BUT! I have been taking her outside since my absence on here and👏🏾 let👏🏾 me👏🏾tell👏🏾you👏🏾 we have made some progress!! Miss Girl can be outside for five to ten minutes max as long as 

she’s handled (or cradled... she has scampered and clawed her way onto my torso!)

the sun is out or setting... she somewhat likes being out, despite the slight breeze

and as long as we avoid areas with large trees, she gets a tad wary once there’s shade and shaking leaves in the equation

but yeah... she’s learning to be okay with the outside world... one evening at a time c;

NOVAAAAAA! How is the baby-dog?! Is she potty trained by now or is it still just a concept for her? lolol I definitely feel your pain! My brother's dog is an old coot that isn't potty trained so uh... we mop at least twice a day... he's a menace! But I'm glad that you are able to take Nova out to potty!! I'm sure she's getting well acquainted with the living situation and appreciates you doing so too ❤️ I know I sure as heck would... it's way better than feeling guilty 🫣

THAT IS SO COOL, in that order too lol... I guess they have more in common with monitors than I thought c: Well now you reminded me that Komodo dragons are considered to be a type of monitor lizard c: and a few fun fact about monitors is that they have high intelligence, they don't blink but have great vision, and compared to majority of their species they tend to seek out human interaction and affection. Isn't that neat?! I thought it was... made me want to get one of each 🤩

Oh wow o_o sounds like Miss Lizzie is playing reverse momma bear! She said: ain’t no body attacking my human, periodt 😂 I find it to be very endearing as it really implicates that she cherishes you to the point of being protective and possessive 🥹 and I love her for that, even though it is not so much a good trait (human-wise).

No offense, at all really but LMFAOOOO not Heller being a literal scaredy cat! And my boy Wallace is out here being thee instigator/antagonizer!! Omg I love cats and their antics!! I’m so bummed that I'm super allergic because I want a black one, a girl too... I'd name her onyx 🥺 ANyways before I start longing for those creatures of death-- it sounds like it’s been a bit of a wild ride for you, as an onlooker, and Little Miss Nova but ugh that made my day!

I hope to surprise and or entertain you with the latest update! it’s really nice to be back c: here’s a handful of gifs I made with you in mind, friend! ♡

🥰✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*🥺Isn’t she lovely?🥺✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*🥰

[jupiterminingcorporation]

56 Days of Gratitude #32

32. Self reflections and "me time"

Okay, so I skipped a few days and I've shuffled today forward from yesterday.

I skipped days because Saturday was the local suicide Prevention Day Memorial Day (I typoed Day as Dad, fitting), and Friday I was steeling myself for it, Saturday I was there, Sunday I was feeling my feelings. Yesterday I was just busy with other stuff.

So, I've been going to the SBSPN Memorial Day for several years now, but obviously this is the first one since Dad and Joss suicided. As I said in my post Saturday evening, my sister and brother-in-law came up from Hobart. After the service, everyone follows a lone piper down to the beach and there's the opportunity to cast flowers out into the water. My mother-in-law had brought us some gardenias from her garden, and there are always huge baskets of rose petals.

My sister and I rolled up our trousers and took our gardenias, a handful of rose petals, and a baggie each of Dad and Joss's ashes out into knee-deep water, and let the last of them go. Then we stood there in the water and hugged and cried before we waded back to the beach holding hands.

One of the women from the SBSPN was at the water's edge with a basket of petals, and she said "There's plenty still here, take some more and send them out. I know you need them this year, Erica."

Afterwards, there is a hamburger and sausage sizzle put on by the Lions Club, and tea and coffee with cake and biscuits (Australian style biscuits!!), and everyone mingles and chats and there is a lot of hugging, which is nice because we're in a pretty good COVID place here for now - borders re-open on the 15th, so there's sure to be a wave of COVID infections once the Mad Mainlanders get back in! 😉

Saturday was also my daughter's birthday, again the first since we've lost her grandparents, and they felt it especially that they didn't hear from their Nan. My birthday's next month and I'm already dreading it.

So. Onto today's "me time". I'm going to attempt some productivity today, but it will have to be tempered with being sensible because we went to Hobart yesterday and I'm rather sore.

I seem to be focusing mostly on the middle room in my Packing Up The House efforts, but I should probably deal with the elephant in the room - my snowed-under dining table and the altar/curio shelf which is festering in the corner behind the table at this point. I've become blinkered to them because I haven't had anywhere else to put the table, which means I can't get to the altar properly. But since Celeste passed away, I can move the table to where her cage was with a bit of sorting in that area as well.

Another thing I'm going to do is continue watching episodes of The Hoarder Next Door. I've been really feeling the absence of my parents, and the pull of retail therapy, even though I still have so much of their stuff to finish sorting out properly, not to mention so much of my own crap to clear out so I can move forward with having my new house built.

I can absolutely 100% empathise with hoarders whose illness is triggered by the loss of a loved one, especially those who suffered multiple losses in a short space of time. I know I have clutterer/hoarding tendencies anyway - as did my parents, obviously!! - and watching the shows that deal with people years down the track from their trigger events reminds me that holding onto things won't fill that space, and neither will buying more. All it will do is fill my house with junk and vermin, and fill my body with pain and stress.

Memories aren't in things. You don't have more memories by having more things. You have to curate the things you keep, distil them down to the really important, the things that truly add value to your life in the now. Whether that's in practical usefulness or in aesthetic joy, or in warm nostalgia.

I did joke, while clearing out Mum's place, that minimalism was starting to seem really good. I'm still not a minimalism kind of person, but after having to deconstruct two lives within the space of four months - we started dad's on July 5th, I finished Mum's on October 29th - I have seriously reconsidered my habit of holding onto things for years because They Might Be Useful One Day.

Guess where I got that from? 😏🥰

[dreary-doll-writing]

That's Not What I Meant!

When faced with the realization you accidentally asked someone out when you just wanted to hang out should you:

A: Explain the situation

B: Pretend you're not home and hope they leave

Or

C: Panic and just get ready for a date anyways and pray they never find out this wasn't what you meant

Fandom: Yu Gi Oh GX

Rating: G

Pairing: Aster/Jaden

Word count: 1,222

(Cross posted on AO3)

"What do you mean a school dance?"

"Junko and Momoe saw them in some movie and made a petition to get Duel Academy to have one," Alexis shrugs.

"Are you going?" Jaden asks.

"Yeah, Chazz asked me to go when he heard and I panicked so I said yes."

"Well I don't think I will be, I've got two left feet!" Jaden laughs.

"Come on, Jaden, it could be fun," Alexis insists.

"I'll just hang with Syrus and Hassleberry instead."

"Sy has a date actually."

"He does?!"

"That's what he said."

"Guess it'll just be me and Hassleberry then."

"Also no. I think Momoe actually asked him."

"Do they even like each other?"

"I have no idea."

"Guess I could see if Aster wants to hang?"

"Okay..."

"What's wrong, Lex?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it, you have fun hanging out with Aster."

"Okay, I will!"

~~~

"Hey Aster, glad I caught you! I had something to ask you!" Jaden catches up to Aster outside of the main building.

"What is it?" Aster stops and crosses his arms.

"There's a school dance later this week and I was wondering if you--"

"Oh, I think I know where this is going, Jaden."

"You do?"

"Yeah. And I guess I agree, since you took the time out of your day to come ask me personally!"

"Oh, awesome! See you Friday then?"

"Of course, don't wear something that's going to embarrass either of us though."

"I...wasn't planning on it?"

~~~

Friday rolls around and Jaden is hanging out in his dorm waiting for Aster to come hang out, Hassleberry's already left with Momoe and Syrus swore his date was meeting him at the dance.

A knock comes from the door and Aster's voice rings out, "Hey, Jaden, are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" Jaden opens the door and finds Aster even more dressed up than normal.

"Oh-"

"You're not seriously planning to wear That to the dance are you?" Aster crosses his arms.

"Th-the dance?"

"Did you forget it was tonight or something?"

"Forget?...Yeah! I totally forgot! I'm so sorry, I'll go...get dressed!"

"Typical Jaden.." Aster huffs as the door closes.

"I don't have anything to wear to the dance! Especially not when I'm taking Aster!" Jaden panics, looking through his clothes.

"What's going on in there?" Aster hollers, rapping on the door again.

"Can I just meet you there actually? It's gonna take me a while to get ready and--uhm..."

"Fine, but if you don't show I'll be mad!"

Jaden waits for Aster to be a ways away before taking off for Chazz's dorm and hopes him and Alexis haven't left yet.

"Chazz please open up it's a huge emergency!" Jaden bangs on the door roughly.

"What's your problem, Slacker?" Chazz opens the door with a scowl, dressed up almost as much as Aster was.

"I don't have anything to wear to the dance, please, can I borrow something? Anything?"

"Lexi said you weren't going."

"I wasn't planning on it but--"

"I don't care for the whole story, you have until Lexi shows up to see if you can find something, and only because you seem desperate."

"Thank you! You're a lifesaver, Chazz!"

"Hurry."

Jaden comes in and heads straight for the closet in hopes of finding anything he can wear.

He eventually pulls out a pure black suit similar to the one Chazz is wearing, except there doesn't seem to be any tie to go with it.

"This okay to take?" Jaden holds it up.

"Whatever just g-"

"Are those flowers?"

"TAKE THE STUPID SUIT AND GO!"

Jaden tries to get dressed as fast as he can, but with his detour to find a suit he's kept Aster waiting for...way too long if the look on Aster's face is anything to go off of.

Not too mention the suit is a few sizes too small, which Aster's also not gonna be happy about...

"Hey, sorry for the wait...I had a wardrobe malfunction.." Jaden laughs nervously.

Aster face softens and he laughs too, "At least you actually showed, I was starting to think this was a prank, or something stupid like you weren't trying to ask me out and this was all a miscommunication."

Jaden laughs nervously, way louder than he means to and shakes his head, "Where would you get a crazy idea like that?"

Aster laughs again and holds a hand out to Jaden, "Well, this is dance, we should...probably dance, huh?"

"Oh...uhm...I'm not a good dancer."

"That's okay, you can't be worse than.." Aster points to where Bastion and Tania are ”dancing” Or...Tania is dancing, Bastion is just holding on for dear life.

Jaden feels a little more confident and takes Aster's hand hesitantly, moving closer.

"You don't even have to do that much, I can lead."

Jaden hesitated to put his free hand on Aster, not knowing the appropriate place to do so, until Aster takes it and puts it on his shoulder.

"You don't have to be nervous, Jaden, I was happy you asked me of all people to come with you."

Jaden manages to bite his tongue before he can blurt out that it wasn't his intention to ask Aster out at all, and instead swallows his nerves to ask "Really?"

Aster pulls him closer, wrapping one arm around Jaden's waist, "Yeah...I uh...actually didn't even know if you liked...you know...guys..."

Jaden goes to lean closer to Aster when Ms. Fontaine walks by and calls, "Hey now! Arm's length!"

They both jump a little away from each other and look down to the floor when they realize how close they'd actually gotten.

Aster laughs a little, "This is so awkward-"

"Oh thank goodness you said it I was worried I was the only one," Jaden drops his hands off of Aster.

"Why don't we just go back to your dorm and like...duel or something?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Jaden grabs his hand to lead Aster out.

~~~

Aster and Jaden had 10 duels, 5 wins each, and ended up falling asleep in the middle of a tie breaking 11th.

Which is what Hassleberry and Syrus walk in to see, the two asleep on the floor with cards spread out around them.

"I guess the dance didn't go well for them," Syrus hums.

"At least his date showed up...and was real," Hassleberry jabs.

"I told you, she had to do something last minute!"

That wakes the other two up.

"Oh, I'm sorry-"

Jaden yawns, stretching out, "Its fine, Sy! I should probably sleep in a bed anyways!"

"And I should probably head back to my room," Aster adds.

Him and Jaden go about cleaning up their cards when they both lean forward at the same time and Aster moves to whisper in Jaden's ear, "Lex told me you just wanted to hang out, not go to the dance."

"YOU KNEW?!" Jaden cries, dropping his cards again.

Aster starts laughing, "Yeah. I did. I just wanted to see what you'd do."

Jaden crosses his arms and pouts, until he gets a kiss on the cheek, "But, I'd love to go on another ”accidental date” if you wanna."

"I'm game!"

Aster laughs and leaves, waving at Jaden's roommates.

"Of course, even getting dates comes easy to Jaden.." Syrus pouts.

[enchantedtomeethyun]

Cruel Summer Part 3-Chan

Warnings: mild smut. Language. ANGST

It was a week later and I hadn't seen Chan all day. He had been busy preparing for an interview with the boys and he wasn't going to be back at the dorms until late because of practice. After that night we had made things official but not completely. He told the boys of course who had a feeling something was going on. But he had not told his manager or the company about it since they are on a dating ban until next year. Seems pretty stupid if you ask me but at least he's mine right?

For the past week I have been living at the dorms with the boys cause my apartment is getting renovated no thanks to my neighbors neglect of their pasta and setting almost all of their kitchen on fire and mine as well. Since there are people there working I can't sleep so Chan offered for me to sleep over at the dorms. Of course me being me thinking I can get in on some one on one time with him since that night we confessed didn't end with an intense session of fucking. Instead he drove us to ihop and we ate pancakes. Yeah pancakes are great but I wanted some dick. Some Chan Dick™️.

We actually haven't touched each other for about a week and half. Yeah he's busy but man my mind can wonder just laying in his bed all day waiting for him to come back. 

The rain began to pour and I fell asleep on the pillowy soft bed. It smelled like him too. Now you're wondering what he smells like. But only I know. It was around 12am when I heard the creaking of the door open and shuffled footsteps approach the bed. His heavy breathing makes me confused. Was he in a hurry to get back? Tossing over to the side where he is I opened my eyes slowly.

"Channie.." I said quietly. He sits down on the bed and cups my face in his hands smiling.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry baby.." he said kissing me on the forehead. He takes off his shirt leaving only his boxers on. Climbing into bed with me he reaches for my torso pulling me close to his. He drapes his arm around my waist and I feel his hot breath on my neck. Everything is calm and cozy but I kind of wanna raise a little hell. I adjust my position stretching my legs then rubbing my butt against his front earning a confusing grunt from the boy behind me.

"Baby are you ok?" He mumbles out half asleep  reaching for my hand and holding it.

"Mmmm yeah I am it's just.." I trail off.

"Hm? What's wrong? Are you cold I can turn off the fan or get you a blanket did you need something?" He continued on worry in his eyes.

"Maybe not something.." I said looking at him hoping he would get my drift.

"Oh uh ok goodnight then heh " he responded sounding nervous. How is this man so dense. What do I have to do take his dick out and suck it?  Maybe if I just flat out say it. I want your dick.

"I want your dick". I said flatly. Chan's eyes opened wide. He began to laugh covering his face.

"Sorry sorry .....sorry". He said between laughs.

"Yah! What's so funny!"  I said sitting up irritated.

"No no! You're just so bold all of a sudden. I was just surprised." He said smiling and catching his breath from laughing.  I climbed over to him sitting on top of him. His arms stretched behind his head relaxed. He had a dazed smile on his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that.." I said slowly. He chuckled and remover his hands from behind his head and placed them in my waist.

"This is just the first time we are doing this together ever since we made it official. I'm just nervous. " He says eyes looking away.

"Nervous about what? We did this before.. I've seen your dick before chan?" I said crossing my arms.

"Yeah but this is the first time in this setting. In my home. What if it's different or like ?" He goes on and I cut him off mid sentence with a kiss to the lips.

"I missed those rude interruptions.." he said as he began to feel around my waist pulling me in for a longer kiss. His lips are soft and welcoming. He feels like coming home. In the heat of the moment he takes the time to take off my sweatshirt and shorts leaving me in nothing on top of him. His boxers begin to feel a bit uncomfortable for him as his dick begins to make its self known underneath my lap. Taking my hand I begin the stroke him. He stops me for a second to take off his boxers leaving nothing on him. He then takes me by my waist lining me up with his throbbing dick dripping with pre cum. When I go down on him it takes me a second to get comfortable but once i do I begin to ride him slowly. Chans moans are low in tone but loud in volume. I kept going till I heard laughing coming from the other room making me stop and my eyes shoot to Chans panicked.

"It's just hyunjin and his girlfriend. They watch 90 day fiance every Friday night." Chan explains pleading with his eyes for me to keep going. I nod my head and continue on until I feel it building up. I know he feels it too because there is no way Hyunjin and his girlfriend can't hear him. While riding out my high all I can think of is how their laughing and talking ceased. Snapping me out of that was Chan thrusting into my rapidly trying to cum. When he does I feel it shoot up into and the warmth begins to ooze out as I climb off of him. He kisses my cheek rolling over to hold me. With that i fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up and Chan was gone. I was a bit sad since I had always Imagined what it would finally be like wake up by his side in this context. My only one. Instead I feel that feeling that I was all too familiar with. Waving up the next morning in the hotel room to an empty bed and money on the table to tip the maid. I'm sure he needed to go to practice so i decided to get up forgetting about what he did inside me the night before. Touching my upper inner thigh it felt sticky to the touch. Walking over to the corner to grab my clothes I put them on and walk into the hallway to find the bathroom. Walking past Hyunjin's room I hear similar sounds Chan and I were making the night before. The only difference is their "I fucking love you" and "fuck you too ahh". Chan never really talked to me or expressed his feelings during sex. Walking into the bathroom my head was hung over. Removing my clothes and locking the door I took my phone out of my pocket and texted Chan.

Me: hey where did you go? Practice? Cuz hyunjin is here still

Sent

Placing it on the counter I step into the shower and begin to wash away the night before. After I was finished in the shower I wrap myself in a towel and sit on the stool by the counter checking my phone for any response from Chan. Before I could look there's a knocking at the door.

"Hey uhh when are you done cause we need to shower .." Hyunjim says.

"Oh my God don't say it like that. First you sound rude and second you make us sound gross." The girl said laughing.

"Yeah I'm done hold on." I said laughing. I slipped my clothes back on and opened the door. There stood hyunjin and his girlfriend holding towels behind their backs. Weird. The girl was shorter than him by like 8 inches at least but that didn't stop him from hugging her from behind as they waited. Scrolling through tiktoks and laughing in their own world I made my first foot step loud to get their attention. This worked cause the moment the door way was free I heard them yelling about racing to see who could get naked the fastest and the door slamming shut. What an odd couple. I look at my phone looking for Chans reply and there it is.

Chan: we were crazy to think that this would work

Huh.

Me: Chan what do you mean where are you?

Chan: I'm at the spot. Meet me there.

Racing to get there grab my shoes and leave the dorm and take the short walk it was to our spot. The vending machine alley. Once I arrived i ran over to him giving him a hug. He was sitting on the ground with his head in his hands as he colors me blue.

"You make me blue." I said pouting and taking a seat next to him on the pavement. He reaches for my hand and holds it.

"We're we stupid to jump into this?" Chan begins.

"What are you talking about we've been seeing each other for months?" I said questioning him.

"I can't seem to separate what we had previously and what we have now. Last night felt the same and I don't know why but I'm confused..." He said looking at me.

"Con confused? It felt the same cause we've liked each other that's why! That's a good thing..." I said laughing.

"No it's not I should feel protective over you and want to be the only guy for you but it occurred to me that if I saw you with someone else I wouldn't be hurt.." Chan said seriously.

"I can't talk to you when you're like this! Fuck Chan you always over think everything!" I said taking my hand back.

"No listen to me.." he said. 

"I thought we could get away with this. But I look at Hyun and his girlfriend and i think that's not how I see us.." he said choking up.

The nerve of him to cry cause that's all I wanted to do. He's all I wanted but not like this.

"You're all I wanted Chan.." I said as I cried. He squeezed my hand.

"I know..." He said looking down disappointed in himself.

"I care about you. I do but I don't think I can do this. I feel like there's a standard for dating and what if Im not doing it right?" He said still crying. 

" We don't need to do it right. We can do it our way. Don't be scared of me. Don't be scared of us. You know everyone always warns you about times like this. The road feels long and you feel lost. But we can be lost together. We might get away with this.." I said to him reaching for his face shaking. I kissed his cheek with my quivering lips as a tear rolled down his face.

"Religion is in your lips." He said wiping his tears then mine.

"It's a false God but I'll still worship this love." Chan said leaning in to kiss me. 

We aren't perfect people but we might be the perfect people for each other. We just need to try and hold on through the tough times cause through the dark there is always daylight.