#i didn’t even hurt myself; idk how i managed that. i just was super disoriented afterwards lol

[fingertipsmp3]

I fell off the massage table 🙃

[gg-astrology]

(Virgo anon here) You probably wanted to hear more of the 'nicer' stuff about my classes and stuff but i‘m sorry I just nEED to let this out cause recently i‘ve been getting stressed over much more nonsense. First of all is that my school wants us to do an internship in June and we already have to start applying but I have absolutely NO IDEA what I want to do for a living so I‘ll probably chose some random internship which i‘m not even interested in. (1/?)

(2/??) Second of all is that one of my friends transferred school and since I was kinda close to her I feel like a 7th wheel in our 'group' idek why I just feel really useless and also insecure about the dumbest stuff (I have ONE gray hair at age 15 and it just makes me insecure and anxious whyksksks) i‘m making this sound so unnecessary SORRYSKJSJ I hope your day is going well💕 and thank you if you manage to acknowledge my stupid asks oof💕 -virgo anon

hey! 💕 Don’t worry at all ksdjnf 💕You can say anything you want like it’s totally valid and you don’t have to be ok all the time. I get it I asked because I want to hear/understand what you’re feeling. 

Wow that’s really fucking stressful, internships are always a mess of scurrying around/feeling existential dreads. I was kind of a mess when I did my internship, but that’s mostly because I was shifting through the ‘am i going to do this for the rest of my life?’ and ‘it’s tolerable and I got used to the schedule, everything seems like a conform/comfort thing and I don’t have to worry about school if I have a job I guess’ 

It’s just-- the applying process is always the hardest cause you always overthink things like ‘what if I turn out really great? what if I like it and there’s hope for me to survive in this industry’ versus ‘what if I’m totally shit at it and I just have to survive through shitty hell until the contract ends’ but in reality it was more about -- the impermanence of it, like shifting your lifestyle for a bit to accommodate a different experience in your life (like the next stage of your life). 

And it turns out, taking an internship is actually alot easier to do than taking school? I did interior design so I applied to an interior design firm, and the work is completely different but people are so ‘wow-ed’ with what you learn in school So don’t worry about that, no matter what you do people are always going to be impressed with what new fancy program/study you did in school. The schedule was great, since its an internship I could set my own hours and I took more hours just because I like getting paid (being paid to do the same work you did in school? fantastic!) Most of the work was just cleaning, greeting people, doing office work and a lot of reaching out to people/calling people to get more samples. I didn’t have to manage my own life/work and therefore I didn’t really stress out about it. I go home at like acceptable hours (even though it was 7pm~9pm sometimes) but I didn’t have to pull any all-nighters and stress myself to death drinking coffee before a crit like I did in school. A lot of the things I was worried about turned out to be kind of nonsense, because working came with a totally different set of worries and responsibilities and it was ok to go through that, it’s ok to make mistakes and you’d be amazed at how much you grow in the period you take your internship.

I hope this soothes you somewhat, granted APPLYING for internship is still the hardest part because interview process is daunting/resume stuff is just a lot of insecurities. Plus there’s always the instability of feeling like ‘there’s so many different path I can take’ and ‘what if I’m not good enough?’ when you don’t get the job/apply for positions. Just-- do your best but take it easy ok? Be confident, you’re going to be alright. Talk to people, I got my first internship after my friend hinted that the firm was looking for someone to come in. 

As for your friend, that’s such a disorienting position to be in and I’m sorry you feel anxious about your friend group :(. If it helps, totally reach out to people if you’re feeling some sort of way? If they laugh at you or belittle you for feeling a certain way, then they obviously don’t understand and maybe it’s time you take a chance with someone else. You’re better than that, and there are people out there who aren’t going to do that to you. It’s just a matter of not suppressing those feelings and letting yourself hope, hurt and feel the pain (for your own sake/emotionally going through it)? Own your feelings, and once you do it doesn’t matter if people laugh or tease you, you’re a better person than they are and is much braver than anyone else when you’re doing what’s best for you, and not conforming just because people told you to stay down, y know? 

It’s just a matter of idk, letting your feelings/voice be heard and seeing who’s up for some good old tlc and comforting. Your friend group can totally be supportive of you, and so much more caring once you kind of hint at them to know you’re feeling some type of ways y know? It’s just a matter of what you choose to do, and don’t be afraid of change. You’re going to be fine no matter what, because you’re a strong person either way. Strong people chose to be vulnerable, and you’re totally valid to feel some type of way about your close friend moving. Don’t let that get you feeling like it’s some kind of hindrance/unnecessary motion. Support is so so important, and you’re going to be super great at any job you apply to btw.

I hope this helps you a bit! 💕 Let me know if there’s any update ok? 💕💕💕 I hope I’m not like-- imposing too much or anything. 💕💕 Good luck virgo anon!! 💕💕