#the massage therapist was like ‘do you have anxiety?’ and i was like ‘i mean i do but more than anything else i’m just Deeply ticklish’

[fingertipsmp3]

I fell off the massage table 🙃

[theshipden]

How would the main 6 react to finding out Mc has ptsd?

Cracks knuckles oh baby as someone with C-PTSD this is my JAM

Julien;

He listens to your explanation, never breaking eye contact. He understands, he’s a doctor, he talks you through it

When you’re having an attack, he’s quick to ground you and help you seek a good therapist

Protective asf, he will not let you do anything alone since it makes you nervous.

Learns every one of your triggers so he can prevent them, whether that’s stopping himself from doing it or someone else

Holds you and cries about what you’ve been through, promises to never let it happen again

Portia;

Post-traumatic- down-syndrome? (Tiktok reference)

Nah but she isn’t certain what that is or what it means, but she DOES read about it and teaches herself what it all entails

Asks julien for further knowledge and how to help

Asks if you need space, to talk, advice, or just her company

In the middle of your attacks, she rubs you. Whether it’s your hand, your back, carding her fingers through your hair, she’s anchoring you back to the ground again

Asks what you need from her when you’re anxious

“Reassurance? Quality time? A listening ear—a shoulder? I have two of those!”

Muriel;

He understands you more then anyone. And funny enough, your anxiety seems to go hand in hand with his own

You’re damn right people are scary!! And loud noises are overwhelming!! And you’re angry and scared and just want to feel safe!! Him too!!

He isn’t the best at staying grounded, honestly he’s still learning healthy coping mechanisms

But when he sees you struggling, he finds himself in the clearest state of mind. He listens, he’s nurturing, and very intuitive.

Smiles so soft and so warm when you calm down from an episode, never pushes you to talk

Sometimes, you panic together about the same thing. Something about seeing someone you love feel the same way as you do….feels like home. You’re not dramatic, you’re more in control then you originally thought, and you’re cared for. Just as you care for him, he cares for you

Nadia;

She’s very good at rationalizing your racing thoughts, using logic to soothe your panic when it seems to be becoming too much

Uses her hands to massage the tension out of your muscles and help you process and work through the feelings you’re having

Aromatherapy, 100%

Reserved a spa day for you, just you and her, no one else. She knows the company of the servants would make you mask

Probably offers to buy you an exotic animal just so you have someone at your side if she’s away when you spiral

Lucio;

This man probably tells you to calm down, not realizing that’s making it worse.

Blubbers an apology immediately after, stuttering wildly as he waves his arms frantically

“No! Don’t cry—-! Hey, darling, it’s alright! What’s happened? My love, can you look at me? Show me those gorgeous eyes, there you go, wonderful. Now, what’s gotten you so upset?”

Thinks someone’s responsible, fully plans on lynching them as soon as he’s figured out the culprit

If your trigger is an inanimate object, he WILL destroy it. And yell at the servants not to trigger you

Drapes his cape over you so you feel sheltered and calm, so you can hide if you don’t want to be seen but don’t want to be alone

Definitely glares at anyone who attempts to call you emotional or puts you down for a natural reaction to trauma

Showers you in compliments, covers the mirrors in little affirmations with lipstick

Asra;

He knew. He’s always known. Even before you did.

He’s very patient, extremely passive and cautious

He educates others on your behalf so you’re never in an unwanted situation or triggered on accident

Reminds you to take medicine, eat, drink water, etc

Asks the arcana to guide you and offer you wisdom and clarity

Constantly ensures you’re never in a night terror/flashback

Can immediately tell when your anxiety spikes, doesn’t even ask before he brings you into the shop in a controlled and familiar environment and asks to talk

Admires you and your courage, he tells you everyday how strong you are and how proud of you he is

[boraswan]

hiiii can you write a jungkook x reader where he introduces you to his friends but u have anxiety so u are worried that u made a bad impression and and he reassures you that they loved you <3 thank you <3

thank you sm for the request. hope you like it.

❤️

jungkook x reader

fluff/comfort, reader has anxiety, mention of therapy.

800 words.

You walked up the front door of his friends house, anxiety increasing by the second. But of course, your loving boyfriend has been very patient with you all day. Very sympathetic to your worries about meeting his friends. Not enough, however, to let you stay home.

“Stop dragging your feet, babe.” he said as you sat in his desk chair, hands coming behind you to lazily massage your shoulders. He was right. Yes, you were stalling. But you weren’t about to admit it.

“I’m not, kook. Its just, there’s something wrong with your chair! I have to figure it out before something happens!” you said, feigning innocence.

“Yeah cutie. I totally appreciate you looking out for me. But… it can wait until we get back.” he replied, looking at you knowingly.

“Yeah, I mean technically it could wait but, what if we forget?” you asked, much quieter this time.

“We won’t forget, baby. I’ll put it at the top of the list.” he said, pointing to his head.

“You don’t have to worry about a thing. Everything is gonna be okay. Don’t think about the chair too much, okay?” he said sweetly, rubbing your back up and down. You both knew he wasn’t really talking about the chair.

“Okay, thank you.” you said with a half smile, looking up at him. He knew you were trying. “Gentle encouragement” is what the therapist has called it. Your sweet boyfriend agreed to attend a session with you, listening very intently to everything that was said. You could tell he really cared. But the only downside was now he was too aware. He knew your antics, and wouldn’t let you close in on yourself.

So that led you to where you are right now. Standing outside his friend namjoon’s house. Six random people you had never met before. And your boyfriend talked about them endlessly. They meant so much to him and you were worried that something bad would happen, that they might not like you.

“Your hand is shaking like a leaf babe, relax.” He grabbed your hand into his, sending you a soft smile.

“I’ll be with you the whole time, mkay?” he cocked his head cutely at you, sending a reassuring look your way.

“Mkay.” you said back, mocking his voice.

Jungkook extended his free arm to open the door, and you braced for the worst.

Only a few hours. You can do this.

Your boyfriend led you into the house, slowly making your way through the hall towards the living room, where several voices were heard overlapping each other.

You almost reached the source, when a voice behind you interrupted the tension you felt in your chest.

“Y/N? Jungkook?”

You guys turned around at the call. A tall man was smiling fondly at the two of you.

Jungkook let go of you momentarily to hug the man, who was still smiling at you kindly.

“Did he say y/n?”

“Oh my god I think so.”

Before you knew it, multiple people flooded into the hallway. They all exchanged hugs with your boyfriend. A couple of them even hugged you too. They were all welcoming, but it was so crowded, and the hall was starting to feel smaller, and your shirt was too tight. And-

“Let’s go sit down shall we?” Jungkook smiled at them, hand settling on your lower back. A nice grounding feeling. They all agreed and made their way back to the living room. You guys were the last to walk in, far enough behind for him to discreetly whisper in your ear.

“I’ve got you babe. You’re doing amazing.”

As the night went on, the boys enthusiastically told stories about their youngest member. They didn’t spare him either. It was funny watching him cringe, leaning into you to hide from the embarrassment. This went on for what felt like only few minutes, until jungkook quietly asked if you were ready to go. You confusedly clicked your phone screen on, only to see that 3 hours had passed.

“Oh my god!” you whisper yelled.

“I didn’t realize it had gotten so late, I’m sorry.” You whisper yelled. Not that the boys would have noticed anyways. They were in their own world arguing about the timeline of a story.

“That’s okay baby, I’m glad you’re having a good time, it’s nice to see you all getting along like this.” he said looking at you fondly, before letting out a yawn.

“Tired?” you asked with a smile.

“Yeahh.” he admitted giggling.

“Alright, let’s tell them bye.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to separate you from your new besties.” he joked.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Besides, we can hang out for longer next time. We can meet up earlier in the day.”

“Next time?” He asked teasingly.

“Next time.” you confirmed.

❤️

[literaticat]

Publishing aunty please help. Need advice, not publishing related.

What do you do when you're just tired, feeling unfulfilled and want to run away from everything? :( 

That sounds like a classic case of Burnout to me, though it could be combined with something else -- like Depression, or even a medical problem.

(For example, at one point a couple years ago, I was absolutely exhausted for no discernable reason and burst into tears at the drop of a hat -- I chalked it up to "winter blues" and ignored it -- come to find out, eventually, I had severe anemia and my body was not absorbing iron at all and actually it was an autoimmune disorder and became a Whole Thing! Uh... oops!)

This article from the Cleveland Clinic gives a lot of advice about what to do about Burnout -- but the most salient points, I think:

Be gentle with yourself. Everyone goes through it sometimes. You aren't a failure, you're going to be OK, you just have to take care of yourself before you can properly take care of anyone or anything else. So with that resolved:

TELL YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM HOW YOU ARE FEELING. Keeping this stuff undercover is not going to help. Being honest with your friends/family/partner or whoever your "people" are will lighten your mental load AND they will want to help and support you.

Figure out what your stressors are and tactics to deal with them. Part of this will be linked to the previous part, probably -- For example, if you are burdened by too much work -- DELEGATE or ASK FOR HELP! You've told your support system what's up with you -- now tell them what you need to move forward.

Set Boundaries. If you're the type of person that says yes to everything and then you feel overwhelmed -- remember that it's OK to say NO. It's a good thing, actually. You'll be more "on" for the things that are actually important if you are able to protect your own boundaries and aren't wasting energy on bullshit things. I can't stress enough how important this is (and it's something I am always working on, because it can be tough!) -- but my life CHANGED when I made certain rules for myself and stuck with them. For example, mine: No checking email after 7pm or on weekends. At all. I gotta tell you, my life suddenly got a lot better. (I have forgotten this one recently, and my life has gotten markedly worse -- so I gotta get back to that!)

Go to the doctor. Yes, going to the doctor sucks! But they can make sure your bloodwork is OK, you aren't Vitamin D or Iron deficient, rule out any problems (like, I dunno, severe anemia)... etc etc. Like, step one of Self Care is knowing what your Self is working with. (And if you think you might actually be capital-D Depressed or have anxiety, etc -- ask for a referral to a psychiatrist to see about getting some medicine. IT WORKS!)

Practice Self-Care. Yes, that means the boring stuff like "hydrate" and "make you are getting enough sleep" and "eat your veggies" and "meditate" and whatnot -- but also, you want to "run away from everything"? DO IT. Take a vacation -- or even a staycation -- or even a DAYcation -- where you are literally not doing ANYTHING for anyone else, no email, no nothing. Get a pedicure with extra massage, sit in sunlight with your favorite drink, read a book or just think about NOTHING -- you have no responsibilities except to yourself during this time. It's rejuvenating!

Get toxic feelings out of your system. Find a therapist, if you can afford to do so. (There may be free or inexpensive options if you are a student, or with some insurance, some therapists have a sliding scale for patients, etc) A therapist can give you at least somebody to talk things out with who doesn't know you and isn't judging you. If that's not for you -- journal? Do something artistic? Go to a rage room? Climb a mountain and scream a lot?

Now you are on the road to being healthy, physically and mentally, you hopefully have less stress and are getting your forty winks and all that good stuff -- and hopefully you'll be MUCH better soon.

Good luck!

[ms-demeanor]

I don’t duck with predatory schools or cheap unaccredited courses/ capitalism/white washed alternative medicines… but does you beef with alternative practitioners extend to Eastern/ traditional medicinal practices as a whole? Like you don’t think herbalism or acupuncture have healing capabilities?

I am deeply, deeply skeptical of nearly all alternative medicine, but you are unlikely to find anyone who says there are no benefits to most types of alternative medicine. (I'll say it about chiropractic and homeopathy though - there's nothing that a chiropracter can do for you that a physical therapist or massage therapist can't do better and more safely, and homeopathy won't do anything except possibly poison more infants)

However, here's the problem with that:

Acupuncture appears to have fairly reliable effects that are not explained by the placebo effect for things like pain relief, anxiety, and depression, and may also help with disorders relating to those things (insomnia and asthma, for instance). But you should not stop taking your asthma medications because you are being treated for asthma with acupuncture because if you are asthmatic, deciding "oh, my asthma [which treatable, but not curable] is cured!]" and throwing away your rescue inhaler can kill you.

Herbal remedies may be comforting for some people, and may have some effects, but it is dangerous to use, for instance, St. John's Wort to treat depression because it is impossible to standardize a dose of St. John's Wort in something like a tea or an extract, and supplements are not regulated in the US so it is impossible to know *what* dose you're getting in a St. John's Wort supplement.

Many people find chiropractic to be a reasonable means of pain relief, and I'm not going to pretend that their pain isn't reduced from chiropractic treatment, but literally hundreds of studies suggest that for the things that chiropractic has any reliable measurable effect on (musculoskeletal pain) you are going to get better treatment from a massage therapist or a physical therapist.

Ayurvedic medicine has a long history of things like surgeries including cataract surgyery and cauterization to treat bleeding, which do actually work! However ayurvedic medicine also often includes consumption of harmful materials like heavy metals alongside herbs that may have actual medical benefits, or practices like oil pulling, which do absolutely nothing.

Chinese Traditional Medicine may have some useful treatments, but is also associated with things like lead poisoning.

Use of Kava as an herbal alternative pain treatment was linked to a spate of people having liver failure. Kava does work to treat pain, it just also causes liver failure at completely unacceptable rates and at completely unknown doses.

So I don't think that alternative medicines are uniformly awful. Some stuff seems to work okay, and there is some stuff that is very unlikely to cause harm even if it doesn't actually heal.

But, hoo boy, herbalism has *immense* capacity to harm (because it is difficult to ensure accurate dosing, because herbal medications may interfere with allopathic medications, because it is difficult to avoid contaminants and easy to make mistakes with preparations in herbal medicine), which is made worse when people choose herbalism in place of other treatments. There are a thousand horror stories of people using black salve (a caustic substance that is used to treat tumors by chemically burning them off) to treat breast cancer, which is only marginally more horrifying than people who chose to forego cancer treatment in favor of herbalism.

And I'm not particularly in the business of telling people what to do, but I am someone with chronic illnesses who has had alternative treatments proposed to me in place of recognized best practices and I understand that for people with a new or frightening diagnosis it is easy to fall victim to a confident person who is offering 'treatment' at a lower cost and with more hands-on care than an overworked specialist who doesn't take your shitty insurance. Because of that I think that it is often safer to assume that alternative treatments are at best unproven and to start treating medical conditions with allopathic medicine and to use alternative treatments alongside of allopathic medicine (with the full knowledge of your medical team - a lot of "detoxifying" alternative medicines work by making all of your medications ineffective!)

And even if you're going to be using herbalism or acupuncture to treat someone and doing so in conjunction with proven treatments, I still think it's important for the practitioner of alternative medicine to be intellectually curious and scientifically educated enough to recognize when their treatments aren't working; if you have cheerfully taken a course in chiropractic and homeopathy as part of your alternative medicine degree, that does not suggest that you are being given a rigorous, evidence-based education in herbalism or acupuncture by the school that provided the homeopathy class!

It's like if you were getting a degree in engineering and had to take a class on the physics of the time cube in order to graduate. Time Cube Theory 204 cancels out Advanced Fluid Dynamics! Time Cube Theory 204 calls into question the validity of all your other classes! Time Cube Theory 204 is a major alarm bell, and if that didn't chase you out of the building you shouldn't be trusted to build a dam!

[theleechyskrunkly]

16, 20, and 21 for all the skrunklies

EHEHEHHEHEHE THESE ARE GOOD ONES

16- For Paige:

His pain tolerance is intermediate. Being raised in an extremely well off family and being carefully sheltered for most of his life, Paige has had very rare encounters with pain. But when he does experience pain, he tends to jolt, momentarily freeze, then move on or make a calculated decision on what to do next, depending on the amount of pain inflicted (this is the exact sequence in which he reacted when he started drowning. When he realized he couldn't swim back up, he just froze and let himself sink).

He hasn't experienced a lot of things more painful than being stomped on by hundreds of adults as a 9 year old 💀

For Aurinelle:

This guy has some intense pain tolerance. You could torture him with boiling hot water and he wouldn't bat an eye. I mean ask Floyd, no matter how many times he squeezes Aurinelle, it's as if he were giving him a massage instead of choking! And that cheeky smirk when he sees that Floyd has given up on squeezing the life out him, makes Floyd cranky as hell.

20- For Paige:

Paige actually is a pretty jealous person! But he doesn't really show it. He doesn't want to seem possessive and make whoever is causing him jealousy uncomfortable.

His jealousy usually manifests when he's having a conversation with someone he really likes, but when he sees them talking to someone else, they seem happier than when they're with him. He just lets it happen and shrinks back to allow the person to do whatever they want. He thinks that maybe he's just bored them or that he's not all that important in their life.

For Aurinelle:

Aurinelle is the manifestation of petty. He doesn't get jealous easy, but when he does he makes it pretty obvious.

If someone makes him jealous for whatever reason, he resorts to giving them the cold shoulder. Ignoring texts, not listening when they try to ask him what's wrong, plus other petty tactics.

When it comes to who he's jealous of, he decides to assert dominance (male alpha moment 😭) by purposely making his aura more intimidating and making himself look bigger (for literally no reason. You're already a giant dude).

Oh, and he pouts. And glares. He pouts and glares a lot.

21- For Paige:

I answered this previously, but that was for a different ask game, so I'll answer it again!

Paige has undiagnosed PTSD Type 2, also known as ASD(Acute Stress Disorder) as well as Agoraphobia, the fear of crowds and places that may cause panic, helplessness, and/or embarrassment.

Paige isn't aware of his ASD, and he could've gotten treatment for it before it developed into PTSD, but his parents never took him to a therapist after the events that caused him a trauma, so he's never actually dealt with it in any way.

He deals with his Agoraphobia by just staying as far away from crowds as possible.

For Aurinelle:

Oof this guy. Aurinelle has undiagnosed PTSD type 4, also known as Complex PTSD, which consists of multiple experienced traumas instead of just one, and is easier to trigger than uncomplicated PTSD. He also has panic and anxiety disorder, all which he developed when he was young, heightening his sensitivity to dangerous situations. He is also claustrophobic :(

As I said previously, these illnesses are undiagnosed, so Aurinelle is unaware he has them. When he notices symptoms, he dismisses them as siren survival instincts instead of actually acknowledging them.

He refuses to admit he's claustrophobic (he thinks Azul or the tweels will use it against him).

GOODNESS GRACIOUS THIS IS LONG 😨

Tagging: @elenauaurs @distant-velleity @cyanide-latte @xen-blank @thehollowwriter for silly oc ask games :D

[calzone-d]

ted comforting reader headcanons 😛 (hurt,sick, sad) for my friend @my-soupy-brain <3 requests are open!!

when you’re hurt:

is so gentle with you, gentle hands, gentle voice, gentle everything

if you come home from the doctors/hospital and have ANY type of discharge orders?? he’s making sure you follow them no matter what. even if you feel better, or if you think it’s silly.

does whatever he can to make sure you’re not in pain. medication when you can have it, a little massage, a heating pad, an ice pack, a hot bath.

his heart breaks if you cry at all, but when you’re in pain? and he can’t do anything about it?? oh boy. he’s almost crying with you

smoothes his hand over your hair and gives you little temple kisses

“m’so sorry, darlin’. if I could take the pain away, you know I would in a heartbeat.”

would absolutely take off work to make sure you were okay, and to help you around the house or whatever

is definitely a joke-teller to try and make you smile. esp if it’s an established relationship, and he knows you won’t push him away over his optimism *cough*

just overall very hell-bent on you getting better

when you’re sick:

very similar to when you’re hurt, just wants you to get better

definitely coddles you if you let him

doesn’t care about getting sick himself

does whatever he can to keep your stress to a minimum so that you can get better

very much a “you stay in bed i’ll do everything for you” kind of guy

even though it sucks he’ll hold you in a tepid shower to bring your fever down

practically forces water and gatorade down your throat

“Ted you’re gonna get sick”

“Darlin’ it’s my job to take care of you, good luck gettin’ rid of me.”

“Seriously Ted-“

“Shhh just go to sleep sweetheart.”

when you’re sad:

okay i feel like this is where it gets dicey

ONLY because if you’re the type to ask for space or become distant when you’re sad, I think it would kinda kickstart his anxiety a bit

he’d totally need reassurance that you’re not feeling any type of way even remotely close to how michelle felt

“I-I get feelin’ down and needin’ space. I get all that. But can you just- just promise me you’re not wanting to leave? Or feeling any different?”

his eyes are wide and scared, brows furrowed

“pinky promise, Ted. just need a few hours by myself.”

is very insistent that if you change your mind about your alone time to find him and let him know

i feel like he understands depression though, so after you give him that reassurance he’s good as gold. he has no reason to think you’re lying.

gets you flowers or your favorite little things just to see a little tiny hint of a smile on your face

definitely distracts the kids and takes care of anything and everything if you just need some time in your room by yourself

if you want him to hold you and be close, he’d always offer to listen to your feelings or just sit in silence if that’s what you need

“whatever you need, sweetheart. you just tell me.”

always, always, always listens. doesn’t half ass it.

because of things with his dad, is always subconsciously telling you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you

“just, if it gets too much you tell me okay? please come to me.”

“Ted, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

very supportive of you seeing a therapist, being on medications

or if you prefer the holistic route, he’s very into that as well.

breaks this man’s heart to see you sad

[thekydsarealright]

test writing practice + definition. unfinished & untitled ★

A cup of honey and lemon sat on a living side table beside a revealing thigh crossed into the frame. Yellow. A yellow, painted wall. Trinkets and a candle lit, scent of vanilla mingling back and forth with black coffee reaching to inspire and influence the wit; a sweet smell blessing the senses. Sunlight fell to mimic a soft cascade through a high window, landing cut from windowpane patterns. What time was it? His eyes flickered to his phone as it was turned over. If he could just...

“Stevie…? Stevie.” A woman’s grit began, a grit similar to that of the infamous Billie Holiday’s, but free without the years of fateful chain smoking. The voice possessed was clear and warm, tender and masquerading a lulling care. One that could carry you in your sleep and massage rivers down your back. “Stevie, baby,” it repeated. “Stevie. Baby.” This time, her amateurishness sounded more forced. Attitude became impatient, to instill attitude within its patient. She was beautiful, he held. A cherry mahogany lip rouge varnished her brown flushed lips. Therapists can’t call their patients pet names. There goes my insurance. “Stephen…” “Yeah? Yeah, I’m sorry.” “Have you heard anything I was saying?” He looked at her. Two baoding Chinese balls fumbled their way through his fingers, steered and death clutched by his knuckles; riddling with a crooked kind of anxiety. He felt it standing through his spine. A shadow in the hallway, paralyzing him to remain still in his disassociation. On the other hand, his slim, long fingers bent their way to play with his braids. He twirled one. A leg folded above the other. Dressed in full tailored black, and wearing a pair of rimless frames. Hinging, waiting to be pushed, prescription waiting. In places of non-judgment, he’d be more likely to dress exactly how he felt, and he did. Distorted thoughts ravaging through time and space fornicated riddles inside of his full-celled brain. Right now, he was reliving a conversation, televised, between James Baldwin and Nikki Giovanni. He’d never seen it before. He wanted to understand. His subconscious understood it faster than he did. Intelligent discourse. Twist and turn. A good conversation was one that could not sleep. A conversation that could not get comfortable for at least two hours. Turn and twist, twist and turn, spin and curl, turn and turn, twist and turn, switch, do it again. Do it again. “So you take the soul, you know.” A young Giovanni twirled her attentive fingertips, pinching one of her beaded necklaces as her eye contact was just as beady and intense, for if not more than. Sorely woven into the man sat before her. Her burning stick accuses him ever so modestly, but of inquisitorial sense, determination, a sense bestowed in diplomacy, and assertive backbone. “You know how they used to sing that spiritual ‘Take the world, but give me Jesus?’” “Nngh… yes–” “Y’all can have Jesus, give me the world! … You know, even though it’s losin’ twenty five percent of its energy every hundred years or somethin’ ridiculous.” “OH, please don’t believe all this…” Giovanni’s insides budge in return to the immediate forsaking of James; and she giggles as if to falsely accommodate him, before embracing her royal stoicism once more, more than the crown that is on her head. “don’t believe everything you hear… I k–” “No, but I’m saying that’s not my concern. You know?” “I know.” “Even though it’s polluted. Ugly? Dirty. Give it to me.” “Speaking…” “Or let me take i— or, I will take it.” “But speaking, speaking… Stephen…” The intellectual stammering of Baldwin. “Stephen.” “Yes?” The lady with mahogany lipstick, big round eyes masqueraded by slanted makeup, and curly sandy-brown ringlets framing her face sat dressed comfortable in a grey sweat set. "Based on how your progress tracks, I think you should consider hypnotherapy." Hypnotherapy? She mean hypnosis? "How does it track?", he swallows, scratching his part. "Oh, very good. But..." "Hypnotherapy is... different from talk therapy because it uses guided relaxation methods and focused attention to induce a heightened state of awareness also referred to as trance or hypnosis so that you can communicate directly with your subconscious."

[sigridstumb]

My autism journey: Physical sensations are unreliable narrators

So I've been working with a therapist on my alexithymia. I asked her where the key is for this map. Other people seem to be able to detect when they are having a feeling and can also identify it. I asked, how can they tell that they are having a feeling? She said that frequently there are physical signs in one's body.

Great! What are they, and which symptom correlates to which emotion?

WHERE IS THE KEY FOR THIS MAP.

Apparently there really isn't one. She sent me a link to the Emotion-Sensation Wheel, which is mildly useful. Mostly in my objecting that when I have X physical sensation is has nothing to do with whatever emotion-word she correlated. This is useful in two ways. First, it let me know that I do have some sort of internal definition of some feelings, that I know that "restless" does not mean I am feeling "anger." Second, every time I thought, "no, that's not what that means," I then pondered what it might mean instead.

Here's the thing. Bodily sensations are a SHITTY guide to ANYTHING, because they all indicate more than one thing. Hands-shaking could mean anxiety, or rage, or an essential or intention tremor, or lack of food, or fever and chills, or over-exertion, or a dozen other things. Bodies communicate shit all the time, and most of it is worth ignoring. Yes, Meatsack, I know your shins hurt, they've been hurting for two days, I have stretched and done massage, now shut the fuck up. Yes, Meatsack, I know your digestion is disordered, it has been for years, you don't have a gallbladder anymore, shut up.

I do not listen to my body except under certain specific conditions.

New pain requires that I examine it, assess it, determine a cause (if possible,) and decide what the best mitigation is (if possible.) New pain that either prevents my daily function or does not go away after two weeks indicates that consultation with a medical professional is required. For instance, when I caught my finger in a blender it was a new pain, the cause was evident, it interfered with my daily function, I knew it would not resolve on its own in a manner I desired, so I went to urgent care. Another example, when my (already permanently damaged) foot had very sharp stabbing pain that was new, I waited two weeks to see if it would go away, and when it did not, I got an x-ray.

If I am very irritated with everyone, I eat a food. When I have a headache that will not go away, I eat a food and drink some water. When I cannot focus my eyes properly, I go to sleep. Like I said, I have a rule-set for when bodily signals require action on my part.

The notion that random fluctuations in signals from this mildly-electrified container of moist clinging conglomerate adhered to a living frame might indicate important changes in my mental-relational state offends me. It offends me. I mean, a human body is like a mobile coral reef. Does a coral reef feel grief? Joy? I mean, maybe, I don't know, but my point is, people just correlate shit. What a fucked-up system. Who fucking designed this bullshit?

Anyway, I refuse to participate in this buffoonery. Unless and until someone can show me a reliable correlation between the manifestations of endocrine system fluctuations and specific, SPECIFIC, emotional states, I opt out. None of this tea-leaf-reading "oooooh, your skin is flushed, you must be angry!" bullshit, when flushing is merely a rush of blood to the surface of one's skin and can result from temperature, exertion, a number of medical conditions, not to mention any number of emotions such as shame, arousal, excitement, grief, etc.

It is rank buffoonery.

If any of you have an actual, functional, reliable key to this whole "physical sensations indicate emotions" theory, let me know.

Until then, I opt out.

[the-one-blog-to-rule-them-all]

it’s been three months since I got my lobes pierced and I still haven’t taken them out or switched them bc the people online say I should wait like 6 months or else I’m a dumb piece of shit, but the other people online say I should do it after 6 weeks or else I’m being paranoid.

I love my health anxiety bc it makes this a real Sophie’s choice. Do I give in to my HA and keep these fuckers in for another three months and THEN maybe change them?? Or do I change them now and expose myself to the possibility of things going wrong because it’s ultimately not that big of a deal?? My incessant need for control makes that last one difficult because if I wait longer that means nothing will go wrong while I’m waiting so I’m in control. If I change them then it allows my body and healing and new earrings in the hole control.

Anyways I should probably tell my therapist that but honestly we’ve been treading water trying to get to “how do you want to show up for your sister” for the last month and a half cause I keep finding new things to talk about 😭😭 she’s so great though. I keep thinking not much has changed but when I look at all of the vulnerable conversations I’ve had with people over the last 6 months or so it’s really a huge difference. I’m still WAYYYYY needing work done and will continue to need therapy for quite some time but I’m happy to see results. And I feel like I can be so honest with Rebecca even when I don’t want to be.

Anyways#2 I feel soooooooo tired and crummy cause I ate like SHITE today (half a box of really mediocre cookies smh) but don’t wanna sleep cause I get a little shpooked sleeping by myself since my FIANCEEEEE is gone. Im considering getting a Swedish massage tomorrow afternoon if they have any walk ins available and then like idk just loafing around again. Me and the cats be vibing today. I wanna draw but idk what I wanna draw. Preferably something that will kinda boost my numbers. My nick drawing actually pulled some good numbers which was surprising so I’m trying to keep that momentum.

[imagineanime2022]

Taiga With An S/O With Clinical Depression

Taiga Kagami X Reader

Requested: Anon

Request: Hello! May I request Kagami from Kuroko's basketball with a reader that has clinical depression? General headcannons is alright or a script fic.

Warning: Clinical depression and it's symptoms, someone writing about clinical depression that doesn't have clinical depression

🍟 So Kagami is a pretty honest guy so somewhere towards the beginning of the relationship you both had a talk about any problems that you might have and what you needed the other to do in response. 🍟 Trust me when I say he does not judge you, he never has and never will, he knows all too well what it’s like to be judged for something that you can’t control. 🍟 If you're going through a time of sadness or emptiness he’ll often just make sure that he’s there, he will wait for you to seek out the physical contact or conversation but he’ll definitely be there in the room. 🍟 If your doing something that for some reason makes you angry, he’ll take over, he’ll just lift you onto the counter and sit you there tell you to tell him what to do, he won’t ever stop you from getting involved again but he hopes that his help will take some of the stress away from whatever task you were attempting to do. 🍟 I’m going to be honest if you struggle with sleep he’s not actually going to notice until a couple of days in when you seem unbelievably tired, he’s too much of a heavy sleeper to notice you getting out of bed or traipsing around during the night. 🍟 That being said, once he does notice he’ll try to help you get some sleep, whether that means laying down with you on the sofa, or just sitting and watching something until your eyes fall closed. 🍟 Kagami is going to struggle with eating habits if that is one of your symptoms. If you have reduced eating habits because of your ailment then he’s likely to just eat what you haven’t and if you have an increased eating habit he’s going to just encourage it because all he ever wants to do is eat. This is something that goes right over his head if you don’t tell him. 🍟 He’s going to notice anxiety of restlessness the moment that it strikes you but he doesn’t like to feel like he’s overbearing so he waits to see if you ask for help, if not he might ask you but you’ll have to tell him if you really want him to help, in his younger years barrling in got him in trouble so he more careful now. 🍟 He tries to keep you in the present, he’ll never let you dwell on past mistakes, he knows where that leads and he won’t have you going down that road. 🍟 He’ll remind you to set reminders on your phone for things because he knows when it comes down to it neither of you are going to remember whatever it is. You both realised very quickly that it didn't work so instead you got a physical calendar for events and a whiteboard for lists of things that you needed. 🍟 It helped him a ton too, he was always bad at remembering events or meetups that he had planned, until Kuroko was knocking on the door. 🍟 If body pain was something that you experience he was not opposed to carrying you places or giving you massages, he even went as far as getting muscle rubs and ointments to help you.

🍟 If you're someone who goes to the gym to help, he’s definitely going with you, it will become a couples activity and he’s definitely bench pressed you a couple of times just to see you laugh. 🍟 Encourages any self help methods that you have and even gives you time to carry them out if you need his help he’s more than happy to help you. 🍟 I wouldn’t put it past Taiga to have been put into some kind of therapy himself but he was probably the type to say it never worked until he was in it. But again he would never tell you that anything you were doing for yourself was not worth it, he’d actually pay for a private therapist for you if you were serious about it. 🍟 If you are on medication he’ll make sure that it’s written somewhere so you both remember that you need to take, checks in to make sure that you’ve taken it and keeps an eye on you to make sure that it’s not pushing you too far in one direction or simply not working at all/losing effectiveness. 🍟 Biggest support pillar if you ever come off of medication, also tells that there’s no shame in admitting that you might need to go back on it if you feel like you aren’t coping. All in all Taiga is the type of partner to be there for you, he is not pushy and he doesn’t demand anything from you. He’ll be there for whatever you need and he’ll keep you present.

Request Here!!

[aspiring-writer-hidden-voice]

My mind is a mess and my heart is hurting.

So it’s been a while since I’ve felt this way…

Today my mother (who adopted my younger brother and I back in 2007) stopped by to help me with some things and I happened to leave out an unfinished project. She looked at it, questioned it, then proceeded to laugh when I explained that I’ve been experimenting with mixing different hued eyeshadows.

The woman laughed, not chuckled, and said, “Oh, (name).”

Like you’ve known me practically my whole life and yet you’re still acting like my interests surprise you. That and you’re belittling them. Ever since the adoption it’s felt as though she doesn’t understand me.

I was diagnosed with anxiety, PTSD (from multiple forms of childhood abuse), a bunch of physical stuff was discovered, depression, and ADHD after the adoption. Counselors and pills were shoved down my throat practically because I wasn’t “normal” and lived about a decade in the mind fog. College was where I weaned myself off the pills and started being my own person.

Been clean of them since 2014. Never have I considered retaking them or seeking another counselor. Not once.

Parents acted like they had no idea who I was.

Sometimes they still do.

When young I had great interests in beadwork, hand sewing, baking deserts, drawing, and other activities. At one point I wanted to be a police officer, other times a massage therapist or personal stylist. Anything that crossed my path with I dove into headfirst for a while then eventually migrated once satisfied with the knowledge/experience I’d gained or accomplished.

Back then, as form of punishments, they would take away my books and donate them to the local library. Living the way I had been before required me to develop tendencies they didn’t approve of (lying or scavenging for survival for example). Books were my sole prized possession that helped me get away from it all and they confessed that my attachment to the books when taking them away left them bewildered because I’d hyperventilated and had several panic attacks upon them taking away each volume from my shelf.

I have Hyperfixation Tendancies, meaning I jump from project to project a lot and burn myself out many times when I get stuck with one for too long. Currently I just got done with sewing patches for onesies and felt a curiosity towards depotting eyeshadow. I’ve had beading, lotion/perfume making, cooking, writing, and several other projects that my hubby has witnessed.

He was alone when my mom laughed at the current project, I wasn’t in the room and he feels as though he should have spoken up against her. I appreciate him wanting to support me when I’m not able to but it hurts knowing that she still doesn’t understand or want to understand the person I really am.

[heartfucksmouth]

not to sound like a broken record cliché, but motherhood is truly the most difficult and beautiful thing I've ever experienced.

I'm constantly fascinated by my child, I can't get enough of kissing his face and head and smelling his scent, holding his tiny hands or massaging his little toes. I'm in love with his bright curious eyes and the glimpse of a smile passing over his face.

and I'm also overwhelmed and frustrated when he cries for hours and won't sleep for more than 20 minutes all night. I'm terrified when he suddenly spits up so much formula it comes out his nose and he can't breathe for the longest 10 seconds of my life. I'm anxious when he isn't near me, and I get waves of distrust washing over me whenever someone else is caring for him so I can sleep. I have moments where I question what I've done, whether I've ruined my life - or his, I search my mind for ways of escaping and I scare myself with scenarios of grandparents taking custody of him bc I'm unfit. I make myself cry picturing Myles trying to raise him by himself without me.

6 weeks post partum. 1 month and 11 days. I'm finally asking for my meds to be adjusted bc I feel I'm barreling head first into PPD/PPA and my high blood pressure is back. I just got a new therapist that also is a parent by my request, and she called me today bc she wanted to check on me. my mom has been here most days to let me catch up on sleep, but she talks about her life and freezes when I have moments of anxiety and actually look to her supposed parenting experience for comfort and help. it wounds me deep. and myles mom takes Aidan for hours at a time, so I can sleep or shower or eat dinner with myles, but its not always to my liking because I fear she'll hold it over our heads someday - or she secretly thinks we're incapable of being parents. I get help with Aidan every day (while others do it all by themselves) and yet I feel so alone and like no one will come to my rescue when i need it. all the offers of help during my pregnancy seem to have disappeared. I wish friends would offer to come instead of the mothers I have relationship issues with. but then... who are my friends, really? my therapist says how I'm lucky I have all this support but it feels like a gut punch and I need to tell her next time that I don't feel like I have support at all. when I go into panic attacks, I message multiple people reaching out, asking for encouragement, for validation from other parents. but I don't have anyone checking in on me or offering to get together or even offering to help in a physically present way. besides my damn mom. my therapist and psych nurse are like "I'm always here for you, reach out" but they don't mean "text me at 3am if you're having a hard time" - they mean "call my extension and leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can"

the pendulum of my emotions is swinging so wildly and I just want some balance. I keep getting told everything I'm experiencing is normal, but if that's the case, there's something very fucking wrong with the way we treat motherhood, pregnancy, all of it (and there is).

I hope a med adjustment will help me, and I'm trying to reach out and build a village of my own. everyone talks about mental health, and recently PPD etc but everyone is burnt out and dealing with their own overwhelm and everyone is a breath away from a crisis. it all just feels crazy. I want to feel hopeful again. I want to feel like the world isn't on fire.

[blissfullybloomed]

Yeah, it's been a while, but today felt like the right day to write again. I missed it. 

So let's get all the updates out of the way since my last post(Dec 2023). Oh man…it's a lot. 

I spent New Years with my boyfriend(yeah we're still a thing), and his best friend. Had to go home early though…cause like…im old, and we work in the mornings. 

February I picked up a few extra gig jobs to pay off school. I delivered for Instacart, Spark, Shipt, and Amazon Flex. While working two other jobs. I had to pay it off and I was tired of waiting for money to just appear….cause that's totally not a thing. 

March was my man's birthday! The first one I got to spend with him. Gifts that I got him don't matter…like i'm not gonna sit here and list them off…just his face was all i needed. That look of just you didn't have to do that..but he was glad I did. 

I started therapy to heal from a relationship with a family member that I actually never really understood until very recently. I'm learning that , in the words of Taylor Swift, “Hi, it's me , I'm the problem”- I know that now. I know a lot now actually. 

Started reading a book that has helped immensely with my healing as well. I won't mention the title in this blog as it's specific to one person in my life…but I will say this: No one is perfect, no matter the title they hold in your life. Additionally titles don't mean shit. We're all human and that's the only title I care about…unless you're an alien…then like, can we be friends. 

The Medical Board of Ohio gave me my massage license, and I have signed a lease for my own business and actually have two clients ( sister and friend.) Yeah…Blissfully Bloomed is actually a real , tangible thing now. 

I moved in with my boyfriend. Yup, the WHOLE sentence! It's been about 3 weeks , and let's just say we are slowly adjusting to the new. The animals are a little testy, but we love them all.Spray bottles are in every room now. LOL!  He has been incredible throughout the entire process. I even know how to plug my tire now. He is patient, and kind. Even on days…i don't want to be human…he is still right there. I will tell you this- I never knew love could feel this deep…this solid…this safe. He truly is the person I was supposed to find. Someone in my life once told me a long time ago,  “he has brought back what the locust stole”- When it was told to me the first time it didn't make sense, and in hindsight…I know why it didn't make sense. Now…I understand the phrase…I understand what a healthy and honest relationship looks like. I understand that MEN operate completely differently when they too feel safe and understood.  I love you like crazy baby. 

I started a solid vitamin regimen…and boy oh boy has it helped immensely. My anxiety only peaks during stress, and unknown areas of my life now. It's not at the forefront anymore. Vitamins, therapy, massage, counseling, coloring, legoing, and being surrounded by motivated individuals who only want to better themselves have been the key to my success. Sure I have days just like everyone else where I just don't wanna. But as my boyfriend says”it's allowed, just have to find a balance”- So i'm working on it…BUT vitamins are so good! 

So I think that covers it for the updates…Lets chat about whats to come! 

Moving through all of the above has required high energy and focus to obtain a goal. The focus was definitely fueled by my sister jessica. My sister was the entire inspiration to become a Massage Therapist. What's crazy…I had a client last week…she was a nurse at Nationwide in the pediatric unit….I think she would have worked with Jess at some point, and she was on MY table. Small world sometimes ya know. 

Massage gave me my heart back and I've said that since school…you can't be heartless and be a massage therapist. It's impossible. We comfort through the power of touch. We calm anxiety, recirculate blood to all the necessary parts of your body, we hold space for others to relax. Coming from someone that was very very selfish in her past life…to be able to have people on my table is a gift I will always attribute to my sister Jess. Man do I miss her. What I wouldn't give to wheel her into my massage studio and give her some relaxation for a brief moment. She showed me native american flute music too. I love ya sis. We all do. You can come visit me anytime anywhere. I love you. 

Okay well, on that note…I'm crying. So I think it's a good time to get ready for the day. I have three clients. One of which lost their mother last week. Like I said, massage is so powerful. It truly brings joy and I am able to give joy to others now. What an absolute gift. 

Thanks for listening to my ted talk- see ya on the flippity flip! 

[andinaspa]

4 Hands Massage in Cusco: The Ultimate Relaxation Experience

Introduction

Imagine the sensation of being caressed by not one but two skilled massage therapists, synchronizing their movements to create a symphony of relaxation. That's precisely what you can expect when you indulge in a 4 Hands Massage in Cusco. In this article, we will delve into the world of this unique and deeply rejuvenating massage therapy.

What is a 4 Hands Massage?

A 4 Hands Massage, as the name suggests, involves the use of four hands instead of the traditional two. It's a massage technique that originated in ancient Ayurvedic traditions and is now a popular choice for those seeking the ultimate relaxation experience. During a 4 Hands Massage, two therapists work together, mirroring each other's movements, to create a seamless, rhythmic massage.

The Benefits of 4 Hands Massage

1. Enhanced Relaxation

The use of two therapists can double the relaxation benefits. The synchronized motions create a harmonious flow that relaxes the mind and body more deeply than a conventional massage.

2. Deeper Muscle Relief

With four hands at play, it's easier to target and alleviate tension in specific muscle groups. This results in a more effective muscle relief and an overall sense of well-being.

3. Stress Reduction

The duality of the massage experience helps to reduce stress and anxiety significantly. Clients often report a heightened state of relaxation during a 4 Hands Massage.

4. Improved Circulation

The increased number of hands in motion means that your blood circulation receives a significant boost. This can contribute to better overall health and vitality.

What to Expect During a 4 Hands Massage

1. Consultation

Before the massage begins, you'll have a brief consultation with your therapists. This is the time to discuss your preferences and any specific issues or areas you'd like them to focus on.

2. Synchronized Movements

Once the massage starts, you'll be amazed at how the therapists' hands move in perfect harmony. They will use various techniques and pressure to ensure a holistic experience.

3. Music and Ambiance

To enhance your relaxation, soothing music and calming ambiance are typically part of the experience. The environment is carefully designed to transport you to a place of tranquility.

4. Customization

Every 4 Hands Massage can be customized to meet your individual needs. Whether you prefer a gentle, Swedish-style massage or a more intense deep-tissue massage, the therapists will adapt to your preferences.

Where to Experience 4 Hands Massage in Cusco

Cusco, a city known for its historical charm and wellness traditions, offers several places to enjoy a 4 hand massage. Some popular spa centers and wellness retreats in the area provide this unique massage experience.

Conclusion

A 4 Hands Massage in Cusco is not just a massage; it's a journey into relaxation and rejuvenation like no other. The harmonious movements of two skilled therapists working in unison provide an experience that will leave you feeling refreshed, stress-free, and utterly pampered.

To experience the magic of a 4 Hands Massage in Cusco, reach out to one of the many wellness centers in the city and book your session today. Your mind and body will thank you for it.

FAQs

1. Is a 4 Hands Massage suitable for everyone?

Yes, a 4 hand massage is generally suitable for most people. However, if you have specific medical conditions or concerns, it's advisable to consult with your healthcare provider before scheduling a session.

2. How long does a 4 hand massage typically last?

A 4 Hands Massage can vary in duration, but most sessions last between 60 to 90 minutes. Some wellness centers also offer extended sessions for those seeking a more prolonged relaxation experience.

3. Do I need to remove all my clothing for a 4 Hands Massage?

You can undress to your comfort level. During the massage, you will be properly draped, and only the area being worked on will be exposed.

4. Can I request specific techniques during a 4 Hands Massage?

Absolutely, you can discuss your preferences and any specific techniques you'd like with the therapists during the consultation before the massage begins.

5. Are there any side effects of a 4 Hands Massage?

Side effects are generally minimal and may include temporary soreness or light bruising. These effects are rare and usually resolve within a day or two.

[homesweetgoodneighbor]

Long, rambling, depression/anxiety post incoming. It is me needing to get this shit out, because if I don't I will be non-functional today and I have to be for assorted reasons. (Why the fuck can't I write this shit in the fucking journal I literally handmade for this kind of thing?) Last couple of paragraphs are a lot more positive at least.:

At 1:50 am, I am alone with my brain and I am feeling my age and all the things I lost when I was younger because they were abused out of me. I am talking desires and aspirations. My want to paint and draw was taken from my by my abusive patriarch. My love of being a massage therapist and making Halloween props was taken from my by my ex when he decided to purposely (which he admitted to my face) used my sperm donor's form of abuse to get his way and force the divorce. Well, n that case he didn't aim at those things in particular, they were just casualties of the fallout. It is hard to want to do the things you love when the person you trusted most in the world and you thought was safe to heal around turns on you and breaks you so completely you can't even work much less want to be creative. There is always that lingering paranoia it will happen again, even if you know full and well that you truly are safe and the person you now trust the most has seen you at the absolute worst that other people used to abandon you and still never showed an urge to harm you.

I am healing and I am alloeed to heal in anyway I need even if it's just focusing on working through my anxiety and depression which often leaves me unable to do much physically.

I am very blessed. I thank the gods all the time for it.

But, I am sad and bitter because I am middle aged and have lost so much of myself that I feel like there is no time to get any of it back or even make myself anew.

When you're younger it's easy because 20 years doesn't seem like a big deal. But ehen you're older 20 years is like a ticking time bomb because your chances of your body failing you increases.

I try very hard because I know that it is never too late. I look at Betty White and she was doing things at my age that I could swear she was much younger. Or Helen Mirrin. Hell Catherine Hepburn or Angela Landbury. I mean, yes most of those folks are gone now but they didn't stop living at middle age.

But, I am terrified and sad and bitter and it's 2am and I am alone with my brain and all I see is everything I lost and everything hateful people are trying to take from me and I am too petrified to fight because I have had to fight my whole life just to survive relatively in tact and I am not sure I won.

And, now, I am thinking "oh shit some younger folks are going to see this and it's going to reaffirm their depression and belief we are all doomed." I don't feel we are. I feel in my soul we will be okay. We have been through this shit before. And, I feel as a country, it will get better. We just have to not give in. And, we are tired and bitter, but we are far angrier than we have ever been and I think that will save us as a whole. Anger is a powerful tool when used correctly.

Problem is this rambling post, complete with unexpected tears, is my personal journey has hit a point where I am having trouble working through my fears and bitterness just to reclaim a tiny bit of what I used to love to do. The outside bullshittery is always a stressful sword hanging over me, but Isometimes have to put that thing in the closet so I can breathe long enough to actually take care of me and my small family.

My boo is amazing. I call him Super Spouse for a reason. Somedays, he is literally the reason I get out of bed. I hate not spending time with him. I have never felt so safe and validated and loved and respected. And seeing as how he shares the same types of traumas, he has told me I am often the reason he remains functioning.

I joke that we are such bisexual disasters that together we have a functioning half brain and as long as bills are paid, we and the animals are fed and healthy, and we have a roof over our heads, then we are doing pretty damn good.

But at 2am, when I am alone with my brain, it is easy to forget that, and it is even easier to only see the loss rather than when I have and can have if this hyperfocus on the past would fucking let up.

I am starting to feel a little better having typed this out. Sometimes, I knoe that constantly being connected, not taking breaks from technology, is a big problem for all of us, but today that technology allowed me to work through this shit.

Come on, brain, it's 2:30am and the country may be shit and you have suffered so hard, but your spouse who loves you is sleeping next to you, the animals are all in various stages of pudding as they rest. You love your house. You have actually kept yourself clean and fed, so a win over depression. Yeah, sure, we're stuck in the butthole of the South until Spouse retires because this job actually has loyalty to its employees anf we cannot risk fucking losing that. But, you are not too old yet. You have a body that still does what you tell it even if it creaks more. You can start moving it more if you can embrace and hug these 2:30 am moments and tell the parts that hurt that we are safe and it's okay to feel these things. Everyone feels them. You aren't just surviving anymore, brain. You are actually living even if it doesn't always feel like it. The little victories outweigh the down days now. That is a huge accomplishment, brain. We should be proud of ourselves. We can do this. We can rebuild ourselves. It isn't too late. Think of Betty White, Fran Drescher (she has been through some hells), Helen Mirrin, Lynda Carter... This year hasn't made feeling that very easy, but it isn't "too late". You didn't give up. You did win. I mean, one abuser might be dead and the other you only think about when Spouse does something that completely obliterates another experience that asshole ex gave to you. You are okay, brain. I mean, I eish you would stop giving me intrusive fucked up memories that have zero relevance to the moment at hand, but we are working on that.

Come on, brain. It's 2:45 am. Let's wash our face and go play BG3 until Boo wakes up and we have to get things we don't want to do done and then can maybe go to Spirit as a treat.

We got this. We just spent nearly an hour proving we have survived far fucking worse and today we get to live.