#i don't usually like posting stuff that i deem ''not good enough'' to post

[baking-bugs]

sorry for not posting much wc art umm. would you like some doodles

[starleska]

Hello again!! I'm the anon from before (and I'm glad to hear you had a nice time yesterday!!!), and here's what I wrote.. I've been thinking a lot about the 'Wally eats with his eyes' idea, as many have been !!! I'm not sure how to warn for what this exactly so feel free to tag it with whatever you deem necessary. Wally just. Likes you a lot lol. i guess this is a little silly but i had a good time writing it haha

You are having a staring contest with your friend Wally.

You can't quite remember who started this, or why. Just that Wally had wanted to draw somewhere outside and you tagged along with him, until you were sitting somewhere in a field of flowers around the Neighbourhood.

Wally simply returns your gaze, unblinking, his hands folded over on top of his sketchbook. You think this has lasted long enough. What you want to do is crack a smile or a joke, but you find that your muscles are frozen stiff, and your tongue is so, so heavy.

His pupils expand.

You're supposed to panic about being this frozen up. Moving shouldn't be so difficult. But it's like your body feels like even stressing out about this is too much effort. You feel warm. Your eyelids tremble with the effort to blink. There is no movement, though your eyes don't burn either. You've held them open for so long that the world starts to gray out around you.

His pupils expand.

Wally leans his head to the side, little by little. You mirror his movements without thinking. The tips of your fingers are tingling, your feet feel numb as if fallen asleep. He smiles at you even more than usual. You think that this makes you happy. His lips part slowly, as if to speak, and-

"Hiya, guys!" Eddie calls out from the path to your right.

Your body jolts in surprise, and the spell is broken. By the time you whip your head around to look, Eddie has already continued his delivery route without waiting for a response.

Your returned awareness feels like breaking the surface after almost drowning. A weight disappears from your body, and you practically double over, gasping for air. Your shoulders are shaking, your eyes wide. When you squeeze them shut, it burns. You feel tired like you never have before.

"That was good," Wally says. For a moment, you are hesitant to turn your head back and look at him. You want to hide from his eyes. But you snuff that thought out as soon as it pops up, because that's just silly. You must've eaten something wrong, or have caught a cold. What else could explain this.

You look at Wally. He looks normal, and his eyes upon

"W-what did you say?"

"I asked: Are you feeling good?" Wally speaks even slower than he otherwise would, but his smile is as wide as ever. "You don't look good, friend."

"I don't… I'm a little out of it," you force out a laugh. "I think I'm getting sick."

Wally leans forward.

"You'll be okay," he says, and puts a hand on your knee. "Let's sit here until you feel better."

!!!!!! anon!!!! anon do you know how good this is?!?! oh my gosh!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 honey, i cannot express how much i adore this fic. it's such a wonderful blend of terror and intimacy, so frightening and claustrophobic yet warm and safe in a way you can't understand...ugh, i'm in love 🥴 your descriptions are so vivid - i could really feel Your panic and nausea. some real Lovecraftian horror stuff going on in here. and oh my God the little detail of him saying, 'That was good' and then switching to 'Are you feeling good?' absolute chills!!! 😱😱 if you feel comfortable enough, you should absolutely post your writing somewhere!! you've got such a talent for writing, Wally in particular, and i'd love to read more of your stuff should you be inclined. i'll definitely be taking some tips from this awesome little fic going forward 😉 thank you so much for sharing 🥰

[wolfish-trickster]

Pen pal

Geto x fem!reader

College AU

Word count: 12,6K

Summary: After your meme post about your STEM studies is noticed by a kind stranger the two of you start a conversation and become internet friends.

Warnings: cussing, typos, grammar mistakes, probably not accurate for all colleges since I'm using mine as a reference, fluff, angst, slowburn, eventual smut (i'm bad at writing it so sorry)

A/N: wanted to write angsty af, but turned to smut.... enjoy and don't get used to it 😂

You hit send and stretch on your chair, your spine cracks after sitting down and hunching over your laptop for so long. It wasn't the healthiest but once you started writing you couldn't stop. Words in your begged you to let them out into the world. Or rather your final essay.

It took a while but it was finally finished. A week in advance, might you add. With this thing off your hands you could finally relax and concider the first year of your college to be officially over. All finals done and graded, no fails or retakes. And you have three months of doing absolutely nothing before you.

You smiled looking at the mail to the professor, your essay attached and secured.

Wait a minute.

The file you saved and attached has a different name than your final version.

You panic, quickly attach the file titled "final draft" and write: I'm sosorry mr prof i acidentally sentd the wrong file, this is the corr.rect one.

Only after you hit send did you notice all the typos but frankly you didn't care. Even this little embarassment was way better than your little what you deem funny notes written everywhere in your essays. It's like a fun excercise for you, using humor to keep your brain from falling asleep and potentionally hitting a block.

"Calm down heart, everything is okay," you whisper to yourself, "look, the correct version is there. Now you can start a summer break. So please, stop beating so fast."

But your heart knew something you didn't yet and kept rapidly beating. You stared at the new mail. The correct file was right there so why-

You didn't copy the conclusion from the draft to the final file. You checked the final draft just in case and sure enough the three paragraphs you wrote ten minutes ago weren't there.

"How can I be this fucking stupid?!" you cussed at yourself while you were pressing ctrl, c and v keys fixing your mistake.

This time you took deep breaths, wrote gramatically correct apology, attached the correct file (which you opened before you attached it) and finally hit send.

You finally calmed down. Now that you think about it the poor professor of yours will be so confused but amused as well. You chuckled to yourself and already formed a meme in your head.

After couple of minutes it was shining proudly on your laptop screen:

Maybe it was the sleep deprived state you were in or the hilarity of your dumbness but right now you though this was the funniest meme you've ever created. You proudly logged on your tumblr account and posted it.

Your blog was relatively small, only reblogging interesting pictures and almost never making your own original posts. And even those you did make didn't get any recognision so you started treating it as your own personal diary. Venting about stuff that went wrong in your life, making memes either about things happening to you or after your brain once again made a weird connection between two subjects discussed in class. Almost no one but you found them funny, hence the lack of notes under your posts but you stopped caring a long time ago. You found them funny and it was all that mattered.

But now all that matter was you finally getting a good night's sleep with no stress, no alarm waking you up early to study, absolutely nothing.

Being dumb as always you forgot to turn off your usual 7am alarm. Groaning you rached for your phone and with one eye still closed you tried turning it off. Only to notice something unusual. You got a notification. From tumblr. Someone liked your post. And commented too!

All sleepiness left your body as you quickly went into the app on your phone and checked the notes.

⬛ black-swallow commented: damn and here i thought i was the only one making dumb mistakes in college 😂

For your first ever comment it was certainly...something. You didn't know whether to comment back playfully or leave it. But out of pure curiosity you commented back.

@ black-swallow yeah nah, there are more of us. Btw what was the dumbest thing you did?

The reply would probably take a while, if ever, so you started your morning routine: skin care, brush your teeth, hair, etc.

As you sat down with your breakfast you checked the notes and surprisingly your new buddy commented back.

⬛️ black-swallow: i basically did the same thing you did with your essay, but i did it with my application. Had to send it four times...

You almost spit out your water. Four times? Poor fella. Must've been so stressed.

@ black-swallow oh that sounds really stressful. But hey you got in in the end!

⬛️ black-swallow: yeah, and got kicked out too :')

Okay now's the time to stop talking, unless you want to embarass yourself even further. Cringing at yourself you closed the app and turned off your phone. First person you interacted with on that god darn app and you embarass yourself like that. Unbelievable.

After finishing breakfast you had no plans for the day. Other than enjoying your fellow freshmen stress about their finals which you since long passed. You just propped up your legs and relaxed. Until you heard another tumblr notification.

But this time it was a dm.

Sorry to bother you like this but can i ask what does bioarcheology mean? Sounds terrifying.

"Calm down," you said to yourself, "it's just a dm, nothing difficult. Besides this person sounds nice. They don't know you, they can't see you, they can't hurt you."

The years of your parents beating your head with 'don't talk to strangers online' went out the window the moment you replied to the very first person reaching out to you through internet.

Nothing interesting really, i picked that class for extra credit anyways 😅

The reply came in imediately. You and this person must be in the same timezones. How lucky!

Come on, don't be so humble. When i passed my first scary sounding class i was talking about it to everyone willing to listen

Well, what was your scary sounding class then?

Biophysics

Holy 💀 physics alone is hell but mixing it with biology as well?

Ikr? Honestly some lectures were really interesting but others were like a lullaby for me 😴

I understand, some bioarcheology lectures were boring for me too. By the way what college are you on?

*were. Medicine.

Sorry, i forgot 😣 and yeah, should've guessed... sorry

Hey it's okay. And don't apologize, maybe things were supposed to be like this

What do you mean?

I wasn't feeling very well on that school, i just didn't wanna quit in the first year. And before you ask i dropped out after second

So you were forcing yourself to stay on a school you didn't like anymore for two years?

Yup. Everyone else had gotten to the schools they wanted and loved it, i felt like i was wasting my time but if i left willingly only after a year i would be a year behind everyone else. So i left it up for fate

And fate decided to kick you out

True to that. But i still like science, just not the medicine part of it...

After studying biophysics i'm not even surprised...

It took your college drop out some time to write a reply so you made yourself a cup of your favourite tea, force of habit since you studied with it too. So far you're starting to like texting with some complete stranger. Getting to know their story. Is this why people casually slide into others' dms?

Your friend finally replied.

Sorry, my roommate needed help with packing. As for your last message there were lots of other classes that were equally if not harder than biophysics, but all of them either dealt with anatomy or physiology which is basically memorizing. When it comes to finding patterns and math and using logic i'm pretty slow

You chuckled and typed a reply.

You'd like it on my college then. Lots of memorizing, very little logic. Which sucks for me because i'm the exact opposite 😂

Well, now that i'm a free man and know an insider i just might apply 👀

So now that you know he's a man. Okay, you can live with that. Even though you felt a tad more nervous now that you know something a bit more specific.

What's your school called?

It's the natural science one. The same city as your previous school

You vividly remember your bus passing by the best medical school in your entire country. You just hope he really was attending that one and not a different, less prestigeus one.

Natural science? So STEM in other words

Basically

Yeah i know which one. Coincidentally after highschool that one was my second choice in case med doesn't work out.

See, maybe fate wanted you in STEM all along

Haha, maybe 😂 My name's Suguru Geto by the way

I'm Y/N, nice to meet you :)

*

Summer quickly passed and the only thing you remember was your talks with Geto. They were shy and reserved at the begining, mostly starting with 'how are you?' continued with 'good, and you?' followed by some awkward silent minutes before it evolved into a deep conversation about the immortality of a cockroach.

You found out lots of things about his life. How he met his best friend in highschool, how the two of them and one other girl used to wreak havoc across the town, how they all got into the same college albait with different intentions. The girl called Shoko genuenly wanted to become a doctor dreaming about it her whole life. Geto's best friend Gojo, being very competitive but also a son of a wealthy CEO didn't need to go to a college but wanted to to be with his friends (later he admited to Geto he got into that school just to show Shoko it's not as hard as she said it was). And Geto applied because he had no idea where else to go. He liked science, biology, chemistry, being in lab, creating something new which would help the world. Med school sounded like the clear answer for him, if it wasn't for the boredom he experienced the first semester.

He told you how he struggled in some classes finding them absolutely unnecessary and beneath him, his professor condescendingly talking to them as if they were less than worm beneath the ground if they didn't know an answer. He went above and beyond to at least pass the class hoping next semester would be better. Oh how wrong he was. No matter what he did, no matter how selflessly he helped his classmates they never showed gratitude. When he upped his grade from barely passing to top of the class no one even bat an eye, as if that was a sure thing.

By the time second year came he was so mentally drained he didn't even bother to show up to classes anymore. Why bother if the teachers are just reading the text off of their powerpoint presentation and he has to learn it by himself in the end anyways?

The more he ranted to you the more you pitied him. For you STEM was the first and only path in your life, dreaming about it since you were a kid. For him though? Thinking you finally found your path only to be this utterly disappointed must've been like a stab to the back.

Getting a letter about him being expelled must've been half relieving to him and half disappointing. On one hand you have your freedom of choice back on the other you have the stress of possibly not making it in.

The entire summer wasn't just about him talking to you, no no, he was also a great listener. You complained about mundane things to him and he always answered in matter of minutes. He was always there for you, but now you were the one to be there for him as well.

Y/N i'm so stressed i feel like puking

You'll be fine, don't worry about it. If anything there are lots of plant pots on hallways for you to puke in and fertilize them ^^

As if... i'll go to the deanship like a civilized person thank you very much

Very classy geto 🙄 By the way which place holds the entrance exams? Have you found it?

B1 404, standing infront of it. Why? Did you take it someplace else last year?

No, never had to take it, had grades good enough

Show off

I know 😘

You cringed as you realized what emoji you just sent him. Force of habit from sending it to your friends whenever you manage to prank them. To your surprise he sent you back a winking AND smirking emoji. You blushed. He has never sent you anything flirty or suggestive. Why would he? The two of you didn't even know eachother that well or what the other one looked like. He could be a slimy looking weirdo with a pedo-moustache for all you knew.

Okay Y/N, gotta go now, wish me luck

Always Geto, good luck!

*

Can I ask you something?

It was weird for him to start your everyday conversation with this sentence, you thought.

Sure. Is it something about the school mister accepted?

No, don't worry, i'll get to exploiting you later 😏 I wanted to ask, what do you look like?

If the first message didn't make you blush the second one sure did. You never asked eachother about your appearance. You already made an image of him in your head. The longer you knew him the more your imagination turned him from a questionable weirdo to an almost cute nerd.

You'll see once the semester starts

You really think i can wait that long? Do you even know me? If you're shy would it be better if i showed you how i looked like first?

Yeah, that would be better.

It took couple of minutes before your screen lit up with a new message.

You almost passed out. There's no way someone can look this good in just an oversized tshirt and sweatpants. And a man bun of all things! The jawline, you were pretty sure it could cut diamonds. His eyes, narrow and sharp, with irises dark enough to not even see his pupils. And yet they seemed oddly kind to you.

The longer you looked at the selfie he sent you the more heat rushed to your face. There's no way a guy this gorgeous has been texting with you this entire summer.

That's not you

It is

It isn't! You just googled a model or something

A model you say 😏

That damn emoji will kill you one day. Before you could get a hold of yourself you got another selfie from him. This time he had a post-it note with your name on it between his lips.

Believe me now?

*

It's been a couple of days since he sent you that picture and you still haven't replied. Every morning Geto woke up and checked his phone but still no replies from you. Well, aside from a picture of a naked cat and calling it your nude.

"Your girlfriend still not talking to you?" Gojo asked.

Geto sighed. "Stop calling her my girlfriend. And yes, still nothing. I told you that last selfie would be too much for her."

Gojo took a bite from his apple. "Was worth a try," he said mouth half full of his granny smith, "didn't she send you a pic back?"

Geto showed him his phone screen and Gojo coughed out his chewed peace of apple.

"Ew, you're cleaning it," Geto jumped back from the mix of apple and spit that landed next to him on the couch.

"Hey and whose fault it is to bag a girl with an excellent sense of humor?" Gojo reluctantly went to the kitchen to get a wipe to clean up his mess. "And even if she's ugly her being funny may make up for it."

Geto sighed. "She's just a friend who happens to be my future upperclassman, I don't care if she's ugly. I mean, I'm friends with you afterall," he smirked.

Gojo showed him his tongue while pulling one of his lower eyelids down and left the living room. (A/N: what Gojo just did is like giving someone a middle finger but in japanese way)

*

You were more stressed than ever. Which was partially understandable, you're about to enter the second year of university tomorrow. The assignments, the lab reports, the midterms, the finals.... Your head was already spinning from the amount of studying that's infront of you. And they say the first year is usually the hardest.

But other than the usual fears you had another one called Geto Suguru. A guy you've been talking to the entire summer. A guy who has sent you bunch of winky and smirky faces. And his actual face. Twice.

Since then you'd talked sporadically. Not that he was pestering you about your own face reveal, he was oddly conciderate about you not wanting to show yourself to him just yet. Both of you were just busy. You with buying new supplies for all your classes and him with probably the same.

It wasn't that you thought of yourself as ugly or anything. On your best days you even thought of yourself as quite cute. But compared to other girls around you... you just fell into the background. Forever the side character.

Either way, the closer it got to the first day of the semester the more messages from him blew up your phone every day. Stuff as "where is the xyz class" or "does this professor take attendance every lecture?" was on a daily basis now. Gone were the deep talks or good mornings that made your heart skip a beat even before you knew what the guy sending you these messages even looked like. But you couldn't blame him. New environment. New people. If you were in his place you'd probably act the same.

For the last time you checked your phone for new messages from him. Aside from the one thanking you for a map of the campus nothing new. He must've gone to sleep already, you thought.

Checking your backpack for the last time before bed has soothed your thoughts about possibly bumping into your internet friend tomorrow. You finally went to bed.

*

The bus is usually empty whenever you take it to school. Which you thank all gods for because it's a thirty minute drive and with the amount of walking you still have to do to get to the school you were greatful for always finding an empty seat. Sitting by the window as usual, looking at all those different people going about their morning routine. Kids of all ages going to schools, adults either nervously honking at the car infront of them or taking their dog for a walk with no care in the stressed out world around them. You were stuck inbetween these two worlds. Still burdened with school work but also with adult chores. Stuck in your own personal limbo.

The bus turned right. A huge light blue building appeared in the corner of your eye. Outside the window was the medical school you always passed by kn your way to school. The same medical school your new friend attended few months ago. You started to wonder about him for the first time that day and your usual angxiety returned. How will you meet? And when? Would it be today? Should you approach him if you see him? How will he react?

Your train of thoughts came to a stop just like the bus. Outside the window at the bus stop stood a familiar modelylike face. The same face you took a screenshot of and stared at every day since he sent it to you.

Suguru Geto boarded the same bus. Eyes still half asleep never even looked your direction. He took a seat right infront of you giving you a perfect view of his luscius hair tied in a half up bun. You stared at him as if he was a ghost. You weren't ready to meet him this soon. What should you do? Should you tap him on the shoulder? No. Rather not. You remember how he told you about his morning temper and how he can snap at people if he doesn't get enough sleep.

Out of fear of him snapping at you you pulled your hand back and stared out the window again. You'll bump into him later. Hopefully.

You were tense the rest of the drive to your school. When the bus finally came to your stop you practically sprinted to the bus door and out onto the busy street. Not even bother to look back if Geto gave you a weird look you quickly walked up the stairs and up the hill quickly getting surrounded by fellow students. Some were familiar from the previous year, some were complete strangers. You could easily spot a freshman, by their nervous faces and unsure steps. You looked just the same before.

Now your step was more confident, knowing where to go, but your hands were nervously rubbing eachother. Sometimes you checked behind your shoulder and sure enough Geto was right there towering above most of the students. You had guessed he was tall but that tall?

No matter. Pretty soon your paths would drift apart. He already told you he has a virology lecture which takes place in a completely separate building than your biochemistry labs. If you were lucky you could pass by him in a hall today. You hoped not to though. Sitting behind him has already made your heart nearly beat out of your chest, how would it react if he was walking right towards you?

Suddenly your phone vibrated in your pocket as you walked through the front entrance. It was Geto. You exchanged phone numbers in case he ever needed anything and you weren't online to see his message. Which was what you told him. In reality you really wanted to hear his voice at some point. In a safe distance.

You pulled out your phone and checked to see what he had sent you. It was a picture of the front entrance with a caption "i'm on a highway to hell". You chuckled. Of course he would be into that type of music. Before you turned the phone off something caught your eye. It was the back of your head. Right there in the middle of the picture about to enter the school. You blushed. If only he knew he already took a picture of you.

You only replied with a smiley face and informed him you're already on your way to your first class. He wished you good luck as you did him and both of you stepped into the new chapter of your lives.

*

You traitor

Only a week into the semester and he already scared you half to death. Did he already find out what you looked like?

Why didn't you tell me i have to take organic chemistry again 😫

You sighed in relief.

Sorry buddy. But hey, look at it from the bright side: you already studied all of it once before. And i doubt our organic chemistry is more difficult than yours was

The lectures are fine, already had one this week. But the labs. THE LABS

Come on it can't be that bad. Judging by the pictures of your cooking over the summer, you're quite skilled at measuring and mixing ingredients. It just won't be edible

It's not that. The labs are super boring. You don't acomplish anything during them and their only purpose is for you to learn how to behave in labs in general, how to work with the various tools and how to properly write lab reports. They just prepare you for AFTER you already graduate

Isn't that how all labs are though?

Well, yes. But we at least had little competitions during our morgue classes

YOU WENT TO THE ACTUAL MORGUE 💀

No, don't worry. Me and Satoru called it that. It was actually autopsy room

Satoru. Your friend right?

Yeah

Do you miss him?

Sometimes. i mean we are still roommates but since we have different scheudals we don't get to interact much outside of weekends... But on the bright side as you like to say i can finally focus on the lectures 100%. Before Satoru used to always taunt me into playing tic-tac-toe. I miss the winning tho...

You chuckled. He was so goofy, despite looking really serious every time you caught a sight of him. Maybe he just has a resting homicide face.

Anyways, have to go now. Tomorrow is my first organic chemistry lab

Okay, good night Suguru! Good luck!

:)

What?

You called me Suguru

Only then you realized your mistake.

I'm so sorry 😣

It's fine. I like it. Good night. Sweet dreams <3

*

As unlucky as you were while texting Suguru you were lucky in other aspects. Your morning lecture got cancelled. Which meant you had around two hours of free time. Which you couldn't spend in bed unfortunatelly, because the little remnants of bad luck caused you to read the mail about cancelation only after you were already in school. It was fine tho. You could finally get a taste of true college life.

You got a coffee from school café, bought a sandwitch from the diner, found yourself a couch in a chill zone near the chemistry department, which were usually all full of stressed out or relaxing students, pulled out a laptop and worked on your lab report.

Working came easy to you even though you had rushing students all around you. Even through all the noise and distraction your fingertips still dance across the keys, your mind still produced intelligent sounding senteces. You were about to save the whole file when someone tapped you kn the shoulder.

"Yeah-?" you looked up and nearly died right then and there. It was Suguru. Towering above you with his hair fully pulled up except for a small strand framing his face. Has he found you already?

"Sorry but, do you know where the room CH1 409 is? We're kinda lost and only have like 7 minutes to get there," he said sheepishly as he stepped aside revealing what you assumed were his three lab mates. Two of them were girls. You hated how jealous you started to feel.

"S-sure," you managed to stutter out. "I can take you there actually. It's a little difficult to find and I'm not the best direction giver," you chuckled awkwardly while putting your laptop back to your bag.

"Wonderful! Thank you," said one of Suguru's friends.

You nodded and walked ahead of them. It was a shame you didn't get to hear his voice more. You decided to change it.

"So, you're freshmen," you started. As much as you hated smalltalk you really wanted to hear that smooth baritone of his.

Your unluckiness strikes again. "Yeah, how did you know?" said one of the girls.

"You dummy," told her the other girl, "she knows where the lab is, she's probably had to take the exact same classes as us!"

"Oh, yeah you're right."

"And how do you like it here so far?" you tried again.

"It's great here," answered the guy, "though some classes are pretty difficult. I have no idea how I'll be able to pass."

"Don't worry, if you have motivation you'll pass," you tried encouraging him. "What about you?" you directed your question at Suguru who was walking behind everyone.

He only shrugged. "Don't know, has only been a week. Too short to judge," he answere a bit coldly.

"Oh don't mind him," one of the girls patted your back, "he can be a giant ass sometimes."

Not to me though, you thought. What about all those times he was the sweetest guy with you? Maybe he just hasn't slept well. Yeah, that must be it.

Before you could try to conversate a bit more you arrived at the lab. There were other freshmen already waiting in their lab coats on and their notebooks in hands. Suguru and his friends pulled out their lab coats as well. Disappointed at your very first (albeit unofficial) meeting you turned around to leave when one of the girls stopped you.

"Thank you so much for showing us the way!" she said cheerfully. Behind her stood Suguru. Now that you think about it he was always walking behind her. If you inspected her more closely you noticed she had a miniskirt on with fishnets underneath.

Jealousy is a beast that you usually fight off quite quickly. But today you lost. "Can I give you an advice?"

"Sure," she smiled, her perfectly white teeth stood out against the deep red lipstick she had on.

"Don't wear too much make up to labs, the fumes from chemicals could react with it and burn you. Also tie your hair up," you gestured at her long silky waves while noticing how she tried to hide her big forhead by letting it down, "they could catch on fire."

Hopefully you desguised your pettiness as good enough of an advice. The girl you were talking to seemed convinced as she thanked you prefusely before asking around for a hairtie. The other girl already pulled out hers.

You waved goodbye to the freshmen, mostly Suguru. They waved back, except for Suguru who kept looking at you quizicaly.

Your previous spot on couches was occupied. You opted for a different resting place, near a room where your next lecture will be held in. It wasn't as cozy as the couch but it was free of any people and it had a desk too. No more balancing your laptop on your thighs.

As you sat down you pulled out your laptop, notebook from labs and a phone who was already telling you about one unread message from Suguru.

Met my first unpleasant person in this place

Your heart tightened. Unpleasant?

What do you mean?

However he didn't respond back. Of course he didn't. He had labs. He was probably busy with titration or other bullshit you did a year ago. You will just have to wait.

The waiting took half a day. Right as his labs were finishing your lecture was about to start. And since this professor wasn't one of the kind ones to send you his presentations you had to take notes manually. It took more than two hours for you to finally get on your phone.

We were lost on our way to organic chem labs and i had to ask someone on a way there. The girl was nice, she even lead us there. But then she made some passive agressive comments to my friend

Oh shit. Were you really that bad?

What did the girl say?

Just told her she can't wear that much make up and has to tie her hair back. My friend has acne she masks with the make up and pretty big forhead which she told me she's self conscious of. Whatever that girl was a bitch for saying that to her

You resisted the urge to cry, swallowed the huge lump in your throat and sat down on the nearest bench. You didn't mean to be that bad. Were you really acting like a bitch? Maybe he's just exaggarating. It was only pettiness. It won't happen again.

Those were good advices tho. The fumes from chemicals could mess up with the make up and burn her skin and if she leaned down above a burner her hair could catch on fire

Once you realized how much you sounded like "that bitch" Suguru was talking about you quickly typed another message.

It was the first thing our professor told us and he beat it into our heads every time a girl came in with lose hair

A reply from him came couple of minutes later.

Yeah, maybe you're right. It's just that That girl had a weird look on her face

You had no way of replying to that. Or mood to reply as well. You just wrote him a quick ttyl and went to the bus stop. On your way downhill from the school you felt your face heating up more and more from embarassement. You knew you should've fought with jealousy more. You knew you should've kept your mouth shut. Now that moment will haunt you forever. And not only that, if you ever get enough courage to reveal yourself to him he will instantly remember you as his first unpleasant person in there.

All in all, it was just the first week but you already want the whole semester to end.

*

Couple of weeks passed. Suguru and you texted nearly every day. Mostly after school. Sometimes he teased you by sending you picutres of stray cats near the campus with captions 'this you?' to which you always sent a rolling eye emoji.

Makes me wonder how many times we passed eachother 🤔

Lots, trust me

Whaaa? And you never bothered to talk to me?

We did actually

Your last message made him lean back too much on his chair and fall.

"You okay?" asked Shoko who still visited him and Gojo either out of boredom or nostalgia's sake.

Suguru ignored her concern and quickly shuffled in his memory. He has talked to so many people outside his class already. Mostly asking for directions to different places. But for the love of him he couldn't figure out if he talked to any girls or how many he talked to. Or how they looked like.

Aaaand can you tell me what we talked about?

You were asking for directions to a lab

Do you even know how little that narrows it down? And why are you so talkative today anyways? Did i tell you something rude or?

No. It's biochemistry. I can't figure it out 😭

Aaaw, my poor girl

As much as he liked the flustered reactions whenever he happened to mildly flirt with you he genuenly meant it this time. He remembers his own time figuratively and literally crying over biochemistry. He decided to take a leap of faith.

How about i study with you? I had biochemistry for two whole semesters and passed it by some miracle

You'd do that for me?

Sure. Besides after all the material you've already sent me and how much you already helped me it's about time i helped you back. Otherwise i just feel like a leech

There was no reply from you for couple of minutes and Suguru was affraid he maybe overstepped this invisible line you drew between them.

He heard hushed voices behind his back.

"What?" he snapped a little more annoyed than he intended.

"Is that girl ignoring you again?" Shoko puffed out some smoke from her cigarette.

"She isn't ignoring me," he waved his hand around in the cloud of smoke clearing the air a bit, "it just takes her a little longer."

"Riiight," Shoko put her cigarette between her lips again.

"I don't understand how the two of you haven't met already," Gojo complained. He should be studying along with Shoko but as usual he kept lounging around, dismissing Shoko's comments about him failing this class for sure with that attitude.

"Half of the semester is behind us already and you still have no idea how she looks like."

"She's shy, let her be."

"Aaaw, look how he's defending his girlfriend," Gojo cooed.

Geto glared.

"Soon to be girlfriend," Gojo corrected himself.

"With the way she's talking to me soon to be an ex friend. She's been so distant lately..." he rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Don't worry, maybe she's just busy," Shoko reassured him.

"She did mention something about biochemistry."

"See!"

"Even then, her messages have been rather weird. Sometimes she's her happy talkative self and other days she barely texts back a full sentence," he sighed.

Gojo patted his shoulder. "That's girls for you. Which reminds me," he pulled out his own phone out of his pocket, "there's a joined party for med students and scientists as well. How about we go? You'll finally get to relax," he adressed poor Shoko hovering above her notes, "and you can invite your soon to be slash maybe never be girlfriend and finally meet her! I plan on meeting this one lady myself so we can organize a double date if you're shy."

"No matter how much you try Utahime will still tell you to go fuck yourself," Shoko reminded him.

Gojo turned around at her. "Well first of all-!"

Geto payed no mind to their arguement anymore. His phone buzzed in his hand. You replied.

Okay. But can we study right now please? Through a phone call?

In a speed of light Geto sneaked out of the living room to his own bedroom and searched for his old biochemistry notes. Even though he offered to help he himself was pretty clueless and barely passed the finals. Still the urge to finally hear your voice was bigger than the embarassment possibly awaiting him.

As soon as he found the old dusty notebook he sat down at his desk and dialed you.

It took only two rings for you to answer.

"Hello?"

By god your voice sounded so cute. He wanted to squich your cheeks so bad. Unfortunatelly he couldn't remember a single person he talked to who would even come close to sounding like you. Granted, the phone makes everyone's voice sound a bit robotic but still. Should he start recording every conversation he has from now on?

"Well hello there," he greeted back with a smile. "So, what is it you need help with?"

You hummed. He distantly heard ruffling of couple of papers. Eventually you answered. "Gluconeogenesis."

"Okay, a bit more specificly?" he already started looking for a page about it but couldn't seem to find it. Did they even cover it?

"Well, the whole thing basically. I know it's glycolysis but backwards but in the presentation the professor showed us were couple of reactions that looked confusing and I don't know what else to do."

Even though he found your whine at the end of your sentence cute he was frantically turning page after page looking for any headtitle starting on G but nothing.

Someone opened his door.

"Who're you talking to?" both his best friend and Shoko peaked through the opened door.

Geto waved at them to leave. "Uhm give me a moment okay?" he said to the phone and then pushed it to his shoulder. "Shoko do you have a biochemistry notebook here?"

"Is that your girl?" she asked insted, excitement in her eyes. "Put her on loudspeaker!"

"Do you have it or not?!"

"If I say I do will you let me hear her?"

Geto contemplated. He wanted to keep you just to himself for a while longer. But without Shoko's help...

Gojo came in with his own half torn notebook dangling it infront of Geto. "It's all yours if you let us hear her."

Geto frowned into his best friends smirked face which matched Shoko's. He rolled his eyes and finally spoke to the phone again. "Listen Y/N, my friends want to hear you, can I put you on a loudspeaker?"

"Uhm, sure?"

As soon as he did Gojo started asking bunch of questions. "Heey how are you? Are you the Y/N Sugu won't shut up about? How do you look like? Why didn't you send my boy a selfie? He likes black so go on and buy some nice black lingerie for him yeah?"

By the time he finished his little rant Geto covered his phones's microphone and nearly kicked him in the gut. Hopefully you didn't hear most of his questions.

Shoko punched him as well chastising him for scaring you off. "Don't mind him Y/N, you'll get used to him. Now say something already!"

After a second of silence you peeped out a shy: "Hi."

"Oh my god Suguru she sounds so cute," Gojo gushed.

"Don't let her near him," Shoko pointed at Gojo. "It was nice to hear you Y/N, can't wait for Suguru to introduce you to us properly. Enjoy your study date!" she said as she dragged Gojo away before he could blabber out some more inapropriate things.

Suguru turned the loudspeaker off and it was just you two again.

"What the hell was that," you asked with panic in your voice.

"My friends trying to ruin my life. They mean well though, don't worry. It's just rare for them to see me interacting with a girl."

"But whenever I see you on the halls you're surrounded by couple of girls though."

Geto smirked. "Is that jealousy I hear?"

"Maybe."

Before he could press any further you asked about biochemistry and he quickly found the page he needed. Thankfully back then Gojo was at least trying to take notes in classes so the entire gluconeogenesis was neatly explained. After about twenty minutes you exclaimed you finally understood and thanked him.

"My pleasure Y/N. Was this why you weren't talking to me that much?" he leaned back on his chair.

"This and another thing, but it's okay now."

"Aaaw, what other thing? You know you can always talk to me right?"

"I know, but not this time. Sorry."

"It's fine," he said sadly. In the back of his mind he imagined bunch of different scenarios that could trouble you. Failed test, mean classmates, or worse a crush on a classmate.

"Hey, you have a nice voice," your words pulled him from his thoughts.

He chuckled. "Look who's talking. Even though are you sure it was me you talked to? I swear I never heard such a melodic voice from anyone in school."

"Well, you were kinda in a hurry. And was focusing elsewhere too..."

"Huh? What do you mean?" he genuenly didn't understand. Focusing elsewhere?

"Nevermind. By the way how do you like it so far? It's been almost half a semester now."

"It's going pretty good. Much more interesting than med school. Even though," he rocked on his chair back and forth, "it would've been nicer if we could've met face to face."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"I don't think that's a good idea though."

He quickly stopped rocking and sat up straight. "What? Y/N..." he couldn't even find words. Why wouldn't you want to meet up with him? "Y/N, have I been rude to you? Have I scared you off while we talked in real life?"

"No."

He sighed in relief.

"You barely even looked at me."

His heart tightened again.

"It's just that," you paused for a second trying to put together a whole sentence, "I've seen the girls you hang around Suguru and all of them are really beautiful. Standing besides them I look nothing special. You would be disappointed if we met and you knew it was me. Isn't it better this way? I bet you imagine me as this model or something," you chuckled but he could hear the sadness in your voice.

"Y/N, first of all my imagination is pretty bad so I only imagine you as a girl with your name written across your face," you chuckled at that which made his heart swell, "and second of all those girls hang around me, not the other way around. Most of the time we travel in groups and look for places together which is way more efficient than getting lost alone. Besides, none of them can even hold a candle to you intellectually. Once in a virology lab this one girl gathered a sample of bacteria on that wire thingy and put the whole thing into the burner. She was very surprised why she had nothing grown on her petri dish a week later"

"Oh my god," you laughed out loud. "How will she pass?"

"Maybe she won't. I heard some other upperclassmen say the first year is usually treated as a sorting out year."

"It's possible. But her effectively killing all her bacteria sample is something else."

"It is," he chuckled at the memory. "Now that I think about it do you remember that unpleasant girl i told you some weeks back?"

"Yeah," you said emotionlessly but he paid it no mind.

"The girl she gave advice to was the same girl who burned off all her bacteria. Maybe she was right about advicing her like that. Maybe she could smell the stupid on her."

"Maybe."

There it was again. The one word answers.

"What is it now?" he asked concerned.

"Nothing, I just," you paused. He could sense a hesitation from your side. Eventually you spoke up again. "I just think I know that girl."

"Oh? Is she your friend?"

"More or less."

"Then I'm sorry if I offended her."

"Nah, it's fine. Do you still think of her as a bitch?"

"No."

"Then all's fine," he could hear you smile and he smiled as well.

"Well Suguru, as much as I like hearing your voice I have to go to sleep now. Thank you for explaining it to me again. I don't know what I would've done without you."

His heart sped up at the praise. "It was fine Y/N, that's what friends are for right? Oh and one more thing!"

"Yeah?"

He hesitated but finally he gathered enough courage. "Satoru told me about an upcoming party for scientists. Are you coming?" he asked hopefully.

"Maybe. It should be after a midterm from embryology. Let me check."

He patiently waited while you checked your calendar. Even if you wouldn't be going he would still find a way to meet you. Now that he knows what you sound like he could just walk around and listen to people talking.

"No, unfortunately it's the night before the midterm. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he tried masking his disappointment. Even though he admired how dedicated you were to your studies he really wished you could make an exception.

"Hey, maybe next time, okay?"

"Yeah, maybe fate will arrange my life again," he joked and you chuckled.

"Yeah. You never know. Good night Suguru. Sweet dreams."

*

Your midterm was around the corner. As was the party Suguru mentioned. You still see him in halls here and there, often surrounded by a group of people. There didn't seem to be a time where he was alone. Unsurprisingly so, since he looked like... well, like him. To sooth your jealousy there didn't seem to be any prominent lady hanging around him all the time. The faces in his close circle were always changing. Even the famous dummy from virology seemed to disappear. Maybe his words about merely traveling together were true.

Today however you payed no attention to him or his newfound friends. The only thing on your mind was your midterm. Other groups have already taken it and you heard them say how life draining it was. Their words were confirmed after you passed by a group of your friends who just finished it. Well, friends was a strong word. As freshmen you often relied on eachother but now that you know your way around and you were sorted jnto different groups you talked less and less.

"Hey," you greeted them. "How was it?"

"Run for your life girl," the one who had most prominent eyebags replied.

Some other people who you didn't know nodded, their faces equally as tired. Eveb the biggest know it all you've met in this darn buidling was mumbling something about retaking it.

From there your legs took you straight to library. It didn't look like those in movies you watched growing up. No fancy decoration or tables with green lamps. Just basic library with books stacked up to the ceiling, basic wooden uncomfortable looking chairs and tables with chipped edges. A pleasure to study there.

With a list of helpful books in your phone you walked around not looking for a particular one. Just procrastinating. If you managed to find one off your list you just flipped around and put it back in. All terms in there were already familiar to you. You doubted you could learn anything new by now.

Few rows bahind you something fell to the ground, the loud noise making you jump. A pretty loud 'fuck' along with a very familiar scolding from librarian soon followed. Amused you peeked into the corridor to check the poor guy's first experience with the dreaded librarian. It must be a freshman. Everyone else already knows to not even breath when in closed proximity of that witch.

It really was a freshman. But your freshman. Suguru stumbled from the alley into the corridor and quickly hid in the same row you were in, running by you, barely sparing you a glance.

The librarian calmed down and returned to her usual spot, a spawnpoint as you liked to call it. Once she did Suguru sighed and leaned back, a small smile tugging on his lips.

You admired him for a bit. It's been a long time since you've seen him, let alone been this close to him. Once he calmed down his head fell back to its usual level and he finally noticed you. His smile faded and your heart cracked. "Hi," he politely greeted. You only nodded back aknowledging him and opened the book you held on a random page. The whole book could be upside down and you would never even know, the only thing you were focusing on was his figure. Which was moving slowly towards you.

"Uhm, excuse me," his melodic voice made you look up at him. Your cheeks got heated as you waited for his next words. "Could you move?" he asked and pointed at the shelf you were leaning on.

"Oh, sorry," you whispered back and quickly moved. Your legs itched to walk away completely to not embarass yourself even further but something stopped you. A sudden urge rose inside you. 'Talk to him. Tell him.'

He flipped through his book, completely unbothered by his surroundings. Thank god for that. It gave you some time to psych yourself up. Twice you opened your mouth and closed it again. He took out his phone to snap couple of pictures of the pages in his hands. An idea.

You pulled your own phone out and messaged him.

Hey, you there?

After hitting send it only took couple of seconds for his phone to vibrate. He glanced at it again with annoyance but after a while a smile creeped up his face as his fingers danced across the screen.

Well hello, how was the study session?

Good. Listen, where are you right now?

Butterflies flew around your insides as you watched him type.

In library. Why? Wanna meet? ;)

This is it. It's now or never.

Look left.

With hope filled eyes you watched him and waited. The message finally got delivered. He read it. Then he turned his head. Your eyes finally met.

"Hi," you said carefully.

"Hi," he repeated, a dumbstruck expression on his face.

You expected a lot. Everything actually. But not what he did. It was just a small movement, some would write it off as just a spasm of muscles. In split second his eyes drifted from your face to someplace behind you and back down to you. As if checking if you're really the only one there.

Your throat tightened as tears slowly clouded your vision. "You're disappointed, right?"

That brought him back to reality as he shook his head. "No, no, of course not. Just surprised, that's all!"

How you wished you believed him. A tear has already escaped your eye and you cursed yourself. Not wanting to embarass yourself even further you turned around ready to leave.

"Hey, wait up," he stopped you by putting his large hand on your shoulder.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTHS," came an angry voice of the librarian. Both of your hearts stopped beating for a moment.

"Outside?" he mouthed to you.

You nodded and both of you practically sublimated out of there. Standing outside he finally took a good look at you. His eyes resting only on you, despite people walking around. Feeling selfconscious you tugged on your coat. It was supposed to snow today so you took the fluffiest you had, making you look three times your size.

"Ehm, so," you broke the silence, "it was nice meeting you and all but, I have midterm to study for sooo..."

"Oh, but we only just met," he pouted. It was cute, seeing a hunk of a man like him pouting like a kid who lost his favourite toy.

"Sorry," you apologized genuenly meaning it. Even though you'd love to stay time was pressing down on you.

Suddenly his eyes lit up. "Do you remember the party I mentioned to you?"

"The one in two days? Yeah, I remember. Why?"

He grinned. "My roommate is going there so my place will be free. And I need to study as well so we can study together. What do you say?"

His suggestion was tempting. But then again, being with him, all alone, possibly even staying the night? But you always studied much more efficient when you had someone beside you.

After few moments of pondering you nodded making his eyes even brighter.

"Great! I'll text you the address," he held up his phone and winked. "See you later kitten."

*

"This was probably a bad idea," you tell yourself as you check the address one last time. You were already standing under the building. A pretty fancy one. Didn't look like dorms at all. Maybe it wasn't. He did mention his roommate is unholy rich though so maybe this is one of the perks of being his friend?

First snowflakes dropped on your phone screen. You looked up. The clouds didn't even look dark enough to start snowing. The weather forecast didn't mentikn it either. You pulled your coat tighter around you a regretted not putting on another layer just in case like you use to.

The front entrance opened revealing Suguru in black sweatpants and black knitted sweater. "There you are! Come in before you freeze," he stepped aside and held the door open for you.

His place was on the eighth floor. The ride in the elevator wasn't long but for you, being so close to Suguru, it seemed like hours. Finally the elevator dinged and the doors opened. A white haired man wearing a pretty expensive looking shirt stood infront of it. You looked up and him and gulped. What kind of a man wears shades in the building?

"Sugu, is that her?" the man asked pointing a finger at you not even looking in your direction.

Suguru pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, this is her. Y/N, this is-"

"Satoru," he took your cold hand in his and leaned down, "pleasure to meet you."

Before he could kiss the back of your hand you pulled it from under his nose and held defensively against your chest. Suguru's shades slid down his nose slightly, revealing surprised blue eyes.

Giggling came from behind him. "I like her," said a brunnette in dark blue dress. "I'm Ieri."

"I'm Y/N," you smiled.

Suguru cleared his throat. "Okay now that we all know who the other one is," he placed his hand on your lower back making your blood quickly travel to your cheeks, "we better go study. Enjoy the party you two," he gently pushed you inside the open apartment door.

"Fine, fine," Satoru rolled his eyes. "If you need condoms I put some of mine in your bedside table."

"We are really going to study though," you said but he only chuckled.

"Yeah I know. Embryology," he winked under his shades and pulled Ieri along with him leaving you and blushing Suguru behind. Alone.

"Ignore him," he said and offered you Ieri's soft slippers. "Tea?"

"Yes please," you took of your coat and hanged it. Their place didn't look like it belonged to a pair of students at all. Everything looked expensive. The ridiculously giant aquarium in the living room wasn't helping at all. Upon further inspection you only saw two fish in there, one black the other white.

Suguru came back from the kitchen. "Those were Satoru's idea," he tapped the aquarium glass.

"It's cute. To represent you and him?"

"Yeah," he put his hands in his pockets and stood beside you. In the glass' reflection yout two almost looked like you were on a date in aquarium. You smiled at the thought. "He also wanted Ieri to have one as well but she refused. I have a feeling she's shipping us."

You chuckled. "Then my presence must be ruining her ship."

"Hmm, are you suggesting something?" he smirked and leaned in closer to you.

"Ehm," you averted your eyes and pulled your backpack off of your shoulders, "we got work to do."

"Right," he straightened back up, his expression unreadable. "Do you want to stay here or go to my bedroom?"

"We can go to yours," you say without actually thinking how it might make you look. Thankfully Suguru found no deeper meaning behind it and lead you to a decently big room. You could tell he was preparing for your visit. No man is this tidy. Even though it's Suguru.

"Make yourself at home, I'll go finish the tea."

"Thanks."

You walked around a bit. There were some pictures of his youth. Some were with people you didn't recognise, some with young Satoru. On all of them he looked extremely cute. Puberty must've hit him like a truck. You also took notice of the dumbells and other training equipment hidden in the corner. You always assumed people like him just went to a gym, or better yet had their own personal gym. Guess he's more of an introvert than you gave him credit for.

Without any further inspections you sat down on his bed, so soft and welcoming. You resisted the urge to lay back and drift off to sleep. It would be perfect. Big soft warm bed, picking up snowstorm outside, a handsome man laying by your side. You shook your head. You're just friends. You're just a friend.

"Tea is here," he walked in with two mugs in his hand handing one to you.

You just held it, wamring up your cold fingers. "Thanks."

With a small smile he nodded and sat right across you on his gamer chair. Did he play videogames as well?

"So, how does the whole studying in pair go?"

You sipped on your tea. Actually you had no idea. The only collective studying yoj ever did was with him through a phone that one time. It was more him explaining things to you rather than mutual teaching. In the end you shrugged. "We'll have to figure it out as we go."

"Guess we will," he leaned back.

He gazed at you so long it made you selfconscious. "What?" you giggled nervously.

He shook his head. "Nothing, just," he moved to lean forward on his legs, "never thought I'd have you here."

"Weren't you the one to beg for a meeting?" recalled all the times he asked on which floor of the school you were or asking for your schedual to surprise you after class.

"I didn't mean that," he said and pointed at his bed. "I meant here."

You looked down and blushed. "Oh."

He chuckled at your flustered expression. "Don't worry, I'm not like Satoru."

"Like Satoru?"

"Horny."

You choked.

"C-can we start studying now?"

He nodded.

*

The clock on his bedroom wall slowly ticked away. You revised everything yoh needed and now was just helping Suguru. In the past hour he restlessly moved from sitting on his chair, to sitting on the parapet to now sitting on the ground right between your legs while you were playing with his long silky hair.

"Come on Suguru! I know you know this!" you tapped his scalp.

"Even if you threatened to shoot me I wouldn't know," he groaned and flipped through his notes again. "Maybe it won't even be on the damn midterm."

"The last time I said this I had to retake it. Besides if you don't pass on the first time then you'll have to retake after Christmas along with your finals. Do you want that?"

He leaned into your hands and closed his eyes. "That won't happen," he tilted his head back and looked at you, "because I have you now."

You chuckled and somehow didn't get flustered. Maybe you were desentisized after spending multiple hours on end with him? "Like I will sit there with you while you take it."

"Why not? I could squeeze you up," he got up from his spot and hugged you real tight against him, "and put you in my pocket like a talisman."

You giggled at him hugging and squeezing you. Without even realizing it he fell down with you in his arms on his massive bed, laughing along with you. When you opened your eyes you were met with his bare neck and long hair framing it. You looked up and realized how close the tow of you are. And how dark it has gotten outside.

He noticed how awkwardly you held your hands infront of you and losened his grip. "I'm sorry. Do you want to go?"

You shook your head and shushed the butterflies in your stomach. "Nope, I just-" you looked away from him, "maybe you're used to it but I've never been this close to a man before..."

He smiled and brushed your hair out of your face to get a better look at you. "I'm not used to it. I told you it's not often I'm close with a member of the opposite sex, and that's why Satoru and Ieri acted so weird. Besides," his hand fell from the top of your head to your neck and rested there, "you're the first girl to lay in this bed."

Your eyes went wide. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

You had no words. How do normal people even react to something like that? You just hummed and let your eyes roam around his face. He looked really cute right now. Like a cat. Even before he always reminded you of a cat. One of your hands rose up from your chest and with the lenght of your forefinger petted him under his jaw, like you would a cat.

"Meow," he said and you chuckled. But your finger didn't stop petting. Hiw own thumbed rubbed the back of your neck, his palm heavy on the side of it.

"I like bwing around you," you confessed."

"Me too. You're so calming."

You hummed and closed your eyes. "Would you mind if I stayed the night?"

"Not at all. I"ll even drive you to school tomorrow so you won't have to freeze in a bus."

Your eyes shot open. "You have a car?"

He shook his head. "Satoru does. He owes me for so much already. And he forgot his keys here too."

You swatted his shoulder lightly. "You're the worst!"

"Only for you."

There it was again. That damn smirk you imagined every time he sent it in an emoji form. Now it was right infront of your face. You readjusted your head. Now it was on the same level as his face as opposed to before when it was underneath it.

"Why did you message me that first time?"

He thought for a while. "Out of boredom mostly. But I'm glad I did," his hand moved from your neck up to your cheek.

"And why did you keep messaging me?"

"Why did you?"

You weren't sure yourself. "I don't know. You were nice I guess."

"And?" he moved closer to you, the tip of his nose brushing your own.

"I don't know!" You whined and moved your head to brush his nose. "What do you want to hear from me?"

"A confession or something," he mumbled. "I really want to hear you say you like me."

Your movement stopped. He wanted what? "Why?"

"Because," he brushed his thumb on your cheek, "I like you and I want to hear you say it back."

"You like me?" you asked not believing him.

"I do."

"Why?" some self-hating tears burned your eyes. There's no way you were this lucky. There's no way he's serious. Someone like him won't just start liking someone like you.

"Because I felt like it. Will you let me?" he asked and quickly glanced down at your lips. His question was about more than him liking you.

You closed your eyes and let the fate play out this scenario however it wanted. It was its fault he came into your life in the first place.

Suguru smiled and pulled your head towards him. His lips were soft. At first it was just a snall peck, filling your chest with warmth much sweeter than the tea he made you. When he pulled back you kissed him again. He locked your lips together, enjoying the way you moved against him. His other hand pulled your waist towards him and you sighed into his mouth. No one has ever touched you like this before. You could get used to this.

When sweet kisses weren't enough for him anymore he rolled you on your back while stradling you and deepened the kiss. You were surprised, sure, but certainly not dissapointed. You pulled on his lose hair, making him moan into you. This amount of power over a man wasn't so bad. Your hands snaked around his neck while his lowered to your thighs propping them up to lock around his waist. Something hard poked into your center.

Your eyes shot open and you gently pushed on his shoulders to give you some time to breathe.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked. From this short of a distance you could finally see his pupils agajnst his dark eyes. They were blown wide with desire.

You gulped and shook your head. "I'm scared."

He smiled gently and stroked your cheek. "Shh, it's okay. I'll be gentle."

His other hand played with the hem of your shirt, silently asked for permission. Which you gave.

He pulled your shirt of exposing your bare chest to him. You don't even know what you thought that morning not putting on a bra. But right now you were kinda glad you didn't. Less time wasting.

He immediatelly started kissing a path from your neck down to your chest. Sucking a hickey on your sternutm while both of his hands squeezed and massaged your breasts, thumbs flicking across your nipples. You whined at the foreign feeling. The hardness between your legs got even more prominent. Your legs locked around his torso and lifted your upper half to be close to him again. While your ass was off the bed he tried to pull down your warm trousers. Eventually they joined your shirt on the floor.

"Not fair," you whined and pulled on his sweater.

"Lemme fix it," he mumbled into your skin and sat up to pull his clothes away.

Of course he had a six pack. Of course he did. He leaned down and continued kissing your chest. You saw his back muscles. You swore he had muscle groups you thought were a myth.

Once his mouth got to your panties you came to a horrifying realization: you didn't shave.

"Sugu, stop," you tapped on his back making him look up at you.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't," you looked away in embarassment.

"You didn't what, sweet?" he caressed the inside of your thigh and you shivered.

"It's a mess down there," you finally admitted hiding your face in your hands.

He tsked and pulled your hands from your face giving you a soft kiss. "No good man is affraid of a little forrest," he winked at you and dove right back where he stopped.

"Oh my- Sugu~"

He made out with your lower lips just as passionately as he did with your upper ones. Not used to the new sensation your legs tried to close but he held them wide open, even folded them up against your chest giving him better access. You moaned and whined, everytime you did he tried something new. New speed, new preassure. He spelled his own name on your clit with his tongue before sucking it, making sure to make you feel as good as possible.

Suddenly something poked your entrance. You shot your eyes opened panicked but quickly shut them closed when his long finger stroke your insides. No one has ever touched you in there. Not even yourself. Once he made a 'come closer' motion you were done for.

With a final kiss he pulled out his glitening forefinger. "Well, that was fast," he commented.

"Shut up," you hid your face once again.

He chuckled and moved up again, your legs found their home around his waist. He kissed your hands hiding your face. "It's cute kitten, don't hide away from me," he tapped your wrist. You pulled your hand away revealing your flushed face. "There you are," he smiled and kissed you. He licked inside your mouth and you tasted something more than just his saliva.

While he made out he pulled down his sweatpants and the hardness you felt before sprang free now. Too embarassed you didn't even attempt to glance down. Feeling how big he was down there was way more than seeing it.

"No way that will fit inside," you sighed into his mouth.

"We'll make it," he kissed you before straigthening up and leaning to the side of the bed.

"What are you-?"

"You wouldn't want to study embryology in practice now, would you?" he winked and opened his bedside table.

Embarassed you looked away from him and studied the arm that was still resting beside your head. His bicep must be bigger than your face. And the veins on his fore arms! A wet dream of every nurse for sure.

You mentally slap yourself. Why must you always think like a scientist?!

While you were scolding yourself he quickly slipped on a condom and his tip was now poking at your entrance.

"This will probably hurt," he whispered into your ear.

You found his hand and held it tightly, his fingers interlocking yours. "I trust you."

Slowly, inch by inch he moved inside. If his finger was way too long you weren't even ready for his nether region. He stretched you out in all directions, but mostly forward as he disappeared inside you more and more. You whined here and there but he kissed your cheek and told you how well you're doing and how it will feel good afterwards. His thumb kept rubbing the back of your hand as he moved his hips thrusting up into you.

Then, you didn't even know how but he was all inside. Once he was he groaned. "Fuck," he breathed out and his head fell into the crook of your neck and kissed you there. "You're so soft."

He breathed against your neck and you felt shivers run down your spine. He pulsed inside you and by the way he was breathing you knew he was trying to control himself to not hurt you. Oh how you loved this man.

Your other hand, the one not holding onto his, got lost in his hair. "Y-you can move."

You felt him grin against your skin. He pulled out, making you feel awfully empty, but quickly filling you up again making you gasp. "Oh~"

His arm moved from beside your head to hold your ass in place as he thrusted inside. Slow and steady. His tip always caressed that one spot his finger previously discovered. Every time you moaned he kissed yet another hickie into your neck and you feared you won't be able to last long.

A new feeling grew inside you. Much more powerful than the one before. "S-Sugu~" you breathed out, not being able to finish your sentence.

"Yes kitten?" He lifted his head. God he looked amazing. With his black hair framing his face and little beads of sweat forming on his forhead, like a crown of dewdrops.

"I-I-" he hit that spot again and you moaned seeing stars.

"Oh, you like it here," he angled his hips and poked that spongy spot again.

"N-n-n-" in this new position his pelvis rubbed just perfectly against your clit and it was damn near impossible for yout to even think.

"You're close?"

You nodded.

"Right behind you," he moaned and kept hitting that one wonderful spot unditl both of you fell apart. You first, him following closely after, filling the condom to the point of it leaking around his base. His head fell back into the crook of your neck, leaving soft kisses and catching his breath. Your own chest went up and down, touching his toned one with every breath. He stayed inside, staying nice and warm. You came to love being stretched like this. Unfortunately, both of your bodies would soon grow cold and would have to separate. He pulled out making you hiss.

"Sorry," he chuckled.

"Nah," you caressed the side of his face, "I loved it."

He smiled and kissed your palm. "Sleepy?"

You nodded and as if on cue yawned. Damn he was only with you once and he already knew your body better than you.

He got rid of his condom and threw covers over both of you, pulling your bodies together in the process. This was great. Exactly as you imagined. You and him together after a good and thorough study session, nice and warm while winter went crazy outside.

How could one stay awake?

*

Suguru stroked your naked back. Up and down, then back to your head again, scratching you like a cat. He woke up in the middle of the night and had been caressing you ever since. Usually he would curse this sudden wave of insomnia but now he was greatful. Who knows when will the two of you be like this? With how seriously you take school and his own hectic schedual mixed in? Better to enjoy this while he can.

Sun began to rise when he heard noises outside his bedroom. Satoru must be back.

Sure enough the white haired man stumbled through the threshold, his shades aslant and shakimg from the outside cold.

He made his way into kitchen but stopped once he got a peek into his bestfriend's bedroom. Thankfully you were laying chest to chest on him and most of you was covered by his blanket anyways but still Suguru tried to cover you from unwanted eyes.

Satoru grinned. "Just study?"

Suguru threw a pillow at him.

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

Do you ever struggle not sharing details of your story / spoiling people? It's one of the hardest parts of writing for me! I always want to just divulge all of my ideas immediately!

The answer, weirdly enough... is no!

And a part of that is definitely due to me being a giant, secret-hoarding dragon in disguise. But another part of that is the fact that I largely suspect that...

Keeping secrets and avoiding spoilers is the reason this comic is still alive and updating.

Now, that may sound odd. Why would keeping secrets help me post? Sharing work is kind of the life-blood of a lot of creative endeavors. Storytelling is an inherently social activity. All humans, even the most introverted ones, thrive on peer recognition and feedback.

But over the years, I've come to realize something about myself. And this realization may be mostly stemming from me, but I suspect it's actually a pretty common factor for other creatives as well. So maybe I should talk about it (again).

Let me introduce you to something I call...

The Emperor's New Accomplishment.

Here's the thing. I'm an extremely introverted, non-social person. I can go for months without talking to friends easily, even if I love them a whole lot. That all being said, I'm still a human being, and my brain derives happy-social-animal chemicals from being recognized as A Person With Traits. Humans are built that way! We can't avoid it.

So what you gotta understand is - at all times, our brain is seeking social/peer recognition like it seeks out high-calorie foods. And it (largely) does not care what we have to do to get it.

Herein lies the problem.

Usually, creating stuff and thinking about stories and then sharing what we wrote with friends is a great way to get that happy chemical.

But it's time consuming. And difficult. And there's a shortcut.

What we seek when we create Scenarios and Characters and Conflicts is not hard work toiling away writing/drawing/constructing stuff. Many artists actively enjoy this process, but it's grueling.

And just telling our friends about our ideas actually accomplishes the end goal, as far as our brain is concerned! We made up ideas! We told people about it! We got the Good Feelings!

So when I tell people about my Plans to Write A Comic or Ideas To Make a Story, what I'm actually doing is tricking my brain into thinking 'wow, this feels great! We have accomplished the task we set out to do! No more effort necessary!'

And that motivation to actually draw/write/create?

It goes directly into the trashcan.

Now I'm not saying this to suggest people who do this/fall prey to this are lazy. They're not!

But our brains are. They're lazy, and they want to save energy. And they don't care if you WANTED to actually make the story. They will gladly rip the Motivation energy out of our grubby little hands when they no longer deem it necessary to the process.

So - why do I keep so many secrets? How do I stop myself from talking about what happens next in the story?

I'm doing it to keep my actual comic alive.

Disclaimer: Not everyone functions like this, obviously. Everyone has a different creative process. But this is how I've realized MY brain works, so I now take steps to trick my brain back into working. Ha! Take that, brain! Two can play at this--waitaminute.

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hello! i'd made sure to read through your pinned posts before asking this, so i hope it's not come up already, but how do you feel about characters (esp in anime) who have dark/tan skin and white (usually straight) hair? I've seen a pattern of it with a few characters, in particular the character of Noe in The Case Study of Vanitas and Miriko in My Hero, and was wondering if you'd have any thoughts on these sort of designs!

Thank you for your time, and if you've answered something like this before/don't feel comfortable with the question, please lmk!

Well, you said you read through my stuff first, so I'm sure you can guess a little on what I'm gonna say. I actually have a redesign of Miriko AND Noe, my pretty boy. Gave them both afro textures and rounder noses. Personally, I'd feel less annoyed by it if they gave the characters textured hair and made them unambiguously Black 🤣

Jokes aside. The issue is that for the many artists that give their characters this design, they're doing it because they think it "looks prettier" than what regular Black people look like. They're not actually doing it with the intent that "this is my Black character", it's "this is my character with brown paint bucket". Hell, every time I see Miriko in fan art, she gets lighter and lighter.

And while yeah, I enjoy unnatural colors on Black characters, if you never draw Black characters unless they... Don't have Black features... 😐😐 We have a problem! We may need to check our biases to determine if we feel lesser about Black features! Why did you do it? Is there an in story reason for your character to have these particular features that we're less likely to have? (For example, my OC Philia's eyes are green because they're supposed to reflect her (white) father's. He's supposed to be looking into the mirror of his own soul, his own life, when he looks at her. It's for storytelling and symbolism. I didn't just do it because I thought she'd look "better" with them.)

Your Black characters shouldn't have to have light eyes or straight blonde or white hair to be deemed "cool enough to include". Black features are not a monolith, there's an infinite number of ways we can look. If none of those are somehow pretty or good enough for you... Again, we may need to check our racist and colorist biases.

[lokibrainrot]

UHhhh Loki info :o)

This is just gonna be a list on who Loki is, how he acts, and how he interacts with his crew. If anything is edited, I'll reblog the post with an update timestamp :o)

-Loki prefers He/Him and It/Its

-Loki's home planet was Rend, having existed there as a mask for at least two decades before finding another host he deemed suitable enough for himself

-Loki's host, previously named Marcell, had wandered onto Rend with one other crewmate just days before Carlisle came along. He unfortunately had been shot to death by a nutcracker while holding Loki, giving him the perfect opportunity to attach.

-Loki was the first to join Carlisle's 'lone' crew, having been found on Carlisle's first ever visit to Rend. He had been planning on turning him, but after finding himself able to talk with his new host, he got too distracted asking questions.

-He willing followed Carlisle onto his ship, although the dogs chasing them definently encouraged him (having been mauled by one before, he wasn't exactly thrilled to be around them again)

Okay backstory over heres interactions and stuff

-Loki loves to flirt, romantically, platonically, jokingly, anything! He'll flirt with his crew, Coil-heads, Nutcrackers, other crews (although he may scare them with the whole. being a masked thing)

-Loki gets overstimulated very easily! lights, sounds, temperature. It makes him go non-verbal or get upset. Generally he deals with this by hiding in the ship or whatever room he finds himself in. Occaisionally if he finds it fit, he'll find the source of the overstimulation and deal with it.

-Loki acts tough and unafraid for his team, but if he gets cornered and can't find a way out he'll scream like a little boy. He is terrified of being alone again.

-Speaking of being alone, He's not very stable when he is. It's always good to keep an eye on him if he's alone cause he might freak out and get lost or get himself killed (which means more work later. Finding a new host isn't exactly the most fun experience.)

-He's usually very polite when interacting with other crews. He tries to prove himself as a valuable asset, even if it gets him hurt or manipulated.

-He loves his team so genuinely, he hates seeing them get hurt or upset. He goes out of his way to make them as happy as he can... He is a comedy mask after all, it in his nature to make everyone smile :o)

-Interating with other Masked mimics is always a toss-up. If they don't immediatley attack his crew, he's friendly. He is one of them, after all, being near other creatures like him does make him happy. If he realizes his team is in danger though, he's the first to pull a shovel, sign, or shotgun.

-Loki loves to sing (if his hosts body allows it), specifically opera and other such dramatic generes. He uses it to the teams advantage sometimes, drawing dogs away from the ship or distracting nutcrackers, brackens, and jesters.

Uhhhh thats all I can think of right now, I'll add more as I think about it :o)

will probably allso write a fic laterrrrrr

[tf-lover]

Commissions!

Hey all! I've decided it's about time I open up writing commissions, so here's a little post detailing how it's going to work!

First off, sending me a message is going to be by far the easiest way to contact me about comissions, NOT asks. I'll want to talk you you a little about the idea before we go any further (see rules 2 and 3 below), so start there and we can figure out what's going on. Secondly, as I've already mentioned, please check out the rules below. Details on pricing is at the bottom (rule 4) so keep that in mind when getting in contact.

How many commissions I take on at once will depend largely on the level of interest and my own writing mood, but I'll try to keep an update either on this post, on my pinned one, or in my bio as to if I'm open to them at the moment or not.

Anyway, without further ado here's the rules for commissioning me. Make sure you read them!

Rules:

1. reserve the right to say no to commissions.

Regardless of the reason, I may not give one, if I say no it's a no. Maybe I don't like the idea, maybe I'm busy with life or other commissions, maybe I'm just not in the mood to write at the moment or am working on new stories. Don't constantly hound me asking if I've changed my mind, I will just block you without hesitation. (Use common sense here, if you want to politely ask again if my time/mood was the issue I'm not going to bite your head off.)

Also, please keep in mind I have a life outside of this. If you message me asking about a commission and I don't respond straight away I'm probably just busy or asleep. I will reply to everyone that enquires though, it just might take me a second.

2. Be creative, but realistic.

Requests that just say "Turn me into a jock!" will likely get a no. Make it a little more interesting, come up with a plot or throw some more tf's in there. Not that there's anything wrong with a good jock tf, but there's only so many I can write.

Be realistic about the length too. I can't fit a hugely detailed tf AND a plot in 1000 words, it just won't happen. I'll leave some examples of rough length linked below so you have a rough idea.

500 words (Caption Series - The Wrong Trousers)

1000 words (Caption Series - Tailored)

1500 words (Shifting Gear Part 1)

2000 words (For Men)

3000 words (The Morning After)

If you're insane super generous and want examples of longer pieces than that I'll happily refer you to some.

3. Things I won't do.

Some of these go without saying:

Underage

Feet

Bathroom stuff (watersports, scat etc)

Hardcore pain/violence/rape

Chastity

Hyper/non-realistic sizes

Animal tf's (furry stuff welcome though)

Heavy female focus (gender tf is fine in either way, but I'm primarily a MALE tf author)

Celebrity tf's (more below on this one)

Don't ask, I won't write them.

As mentioned, I don't generally do celebrity tf's. "Turn me into Chris Evans!" style stuff. As much as there are a lot of very attractive celebrities, it's just never really interested me to become them specifically; original characters are usually more my thing. There is of course some flexibility with this, so if you're not sure you can always ask. If the idea is good enough (and the guy hot enough) maybe I'll make an exception, the worst I can say is no after all.

4. Payment & Delivery.

I charge £0.04 per word, which is equivalent to £40 per 1000 words, or £20 for 500 words. Payment is via PayPal, in full, up front. I won't start writing until I've been paid.

In terms of delivery, I write in Google docs, so will send you both a viewable link to that document and a pdf of the final thing provided you give me an email to send the pdf to. Otherwise you can save a pdf of the story yourself from there.

5. Images & Posting.

Final word on images included in these. You're welcome to bring your own you'd like me to write around. If not, I'm happy to attempt to find one's I deem appropriate for the particular story if you'd like me to, but I make no promises. If I can't find something that works or you don't like the selections I offer I won't go to great lengths to find something. These are writing commissions in the end, so keep that in mind.

I'll also include a word on posting these commissions here. If you specifically don't want me to post yours please let me know at some point during the process, otherwise I may post some of them here and there when I feel like it after they've been delivered. If you're happy for me to post the commission but would like to remain anonymous (i.e. not tagged in the post) do let me know as well. This one is an easy one to forget, so I'll follow up with you on posting after I've delivered it.

- Tf Lover

Also, for those of you that don't want to or can't commission me, you can also tip me here on Tumblr, or over on ko-fi (link here)! You don't have to of course by any means, but any support people want to throw my way is always welcome.

[mr-bas00nist]

Bro I'm stupid and I press send without fucking finish the sentence

ANYHOW, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE BY TELLING MR YOU WRITE FOR KÖNIG

I look at your pinned post and you said you write angst

CAN I GET A ONE SHOT, HC OR WHATEVER YOU WANT REALLY WITH LIKE KÖNIG ARGUING WITH HIS S/O? BUT LIKE they're arguing and he ends up saying something really mean. Good old hurt/comfort or hurt/no comfort, do what you deem fit 👀

CAUSE IM TIRED OF SEEING SHY UWU BOI KÖNIG AROUND, I WANT THIS MAN TO DESTROY MY FEELINGS

This one was kinda self indulgent because I’d do the same thing König would do to really close friends and people I knew. 😕 This one is a sadder on so be aware.

Reader is Non-Binary!!!

Cw! Angst with no comfort, Arguing, abuse mentions

You and König had a great relationship, very open and loving. You guys always respected each other no matter what. But König had outbursts due to his anxiety. He constantly would belittle himself and look for comfort from you and usually you had no issue helping him out but It got tiring. He just got more and insecure about your relationship and himself that you just started to leave him to his feelings. 

He’d get anxious, yell at you, start crying in your arms and say it’s all his fault. And it was this almost every single day. You tired to reassure him but it was like he was just using you for comfort not even like a real relationship anymore. You believed that he thought you were just his therapist. He’d barely ever kiss you hug you it just turned into yelling and sobbing and you turning into the ‘asshole’. 

You were so fucking tired of it. And what do you know it happened again like usual. König was beating himself up about stuff yelling at you about it while you just sat there with a blank expression. When he finally calmed down he spoke shakily. “C-can I have a hug?” He asked sadly and you continued to give him that exhausted expression. 

He was confused beyond belief, why weren’t you rushing to comfort him? 

“No.” You stated turning the TV off. “W-wha- why?” You stood up. “Because I’m sick and tired of you just using me, we used to have such a great loving relationship now all you ever do is take your emotions out on me and expect me to comfort you!” 

You rubbed your temples and you could tell he started to get mad. “I’m not u-using you! I didn’t say you couldn’t talk to me about  anything-“ you cut him off “every-time I’d ever try to talk about  anything you were always busy and didn’t have enough time for me. But when I’m doing something you can say whatever you want, I’m so done with it!” You shout angrily.

“B-but you can’t just-“ you cut him off again “No just shut the fuck up for five seconds! I understand you have problems and struggles and I have no issue with helping you but it’s become to the point where all you ever do is yell at me to make yourself feel better than leave me with a headache and heartache.”

He begins to cry while you can do nothing but glare at him. “We need to take a break, if you can’t see what you’re doing is wrong than the last thing I need is to be in a relationship with you.” You grab your phone. “Get your shit and get out, I’ll call you a taxi. When you’ve finally decided to not be an asshole you can talk to me, now go!” He drops to the ground sobbing uncontrollably on the ground holding onto your leg as he begs for forgiveness. 

You kick him off making him stumble back. “If you don’t hurry up I’ll also add a restraining order to the list, now go. Get. Your. Stuff. Or I will set it on fire.” He slugs himself up sadly still crying as he goes to get his stuff. You turn the TV back on scrolling through whatever is on. He comes back down a few minutes later with his eyes all red sad. You look at your phone. “Taxi’s right around the corner go wait outside.” You speak emotionlessly. 

He sniffles as the bright glaring lights of a car show up. You stand up putting your hand out. “Keys.” He whimpers not wanting to give them up. You yank his keys out his hand taking the one to your house. “Go.” He cries weakly walking towards the taxi. As soon as he sits down in the car you slam the door shut. 

You sighed tiredly. You looked around the house, at the pictures of you and him. You both were so happy, but not anymore.

[r4zberrygirl]

Checkmate, I couldn’t lose

akaashi keiji x gn reader, collegeAU, fluff, 1k

cw: suggestive but like barely

an: my first actual post for this blog! sorry if this is bad lol no pronouns and no physical description of reader :) -raz

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Mastermind

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯

Midterm exams were right on top of you at this point and the only cafe within comfortable walking distance, that also happened to have the best mocha lattes you’ve ever tasted, just closed for remodeling. You sank further into your chair inside the cramped library on the corner and holding your bitter homemade coffee, decided your week could not get any worse. Sighing and leaning over your laptop you glance upwards and your heart stops. You try to avoid your staring being too obvious but the stranger standing in front of a shelf labeled ‘classics', seemed to be the most breathtaking person on earth. He looked tired and held a coffee, but his black curly hair and jade eyes made you stare for probably longer than you should’ve. Breaking out of your stupor, you determine that if there's one thing you can do to make your week of midterms less shitty, it's getting this hot guy’s number. You stand from your chair and pretend to look through the shelves at his back, even tilting your head and running your finger along the spines to really sell the act. You take a silent breath, a measured step back, and bump into him. He turns to steady you in surprise. “Are you alright?” he asks, pushing his glasses up and looking into your eyes with concern.

“Yes I'm so sorry! I was just looking for Shakespeare’s work!” The lie rolls off your tongue like you had been planning it, which of course, you had.

“I think his works are right here actually. What are you looking for?” 

“Hamlet.” Luckily your lie from earlier was mostly based in truth as you really were struggling in your literature course right now. “I wasn’t paying good enough attention in class and now I’m stuck trying to study for this midterm,” you said, sounding slightly guilty. 

His eyes glow a little as he speaks, “Oh! I'm actually an English major. I took that class last semester. Professor Kimura, right?” 

You release a sigh of relief because your plan of getting this hot guy's number might actually benefit you in more ways than one. “Yes!” 

“I can try to help if you want. I don't have any of my stuff from that class right now, but maybe we can meet up tomorrow?” He says with a soft smile. 

You smile and put your hands together, “Yes please! That would be incredible! I’m ____ ____ by the way!”

“I’m Akaashi Keiji.” He holds out his hand and motions towards your phone. You hand it to him excitedly and he makes a contact for himself. “Text me later so we can pick a time and we’ll meet here if that works for you.” 

“That works perfectly for me,” you respond. This felt like a dream, maybe this week isn’t so cursed after all. He grabs a book off the shelf behind you and puts it in your hands, “And I think this is what you were looking for.” He turns and walks away but not before flashing you a smirk. Your gaze falls to the book in your hands and you chuckle. Hamlet.

You agree to meet tomorrow at 9 in order to start the day off strong and be productive. That night you go to sleep with a smile and wake to your alarm blaring in your ears. You sit up and rub your eyes. It's brighter than usual at this time and you reach for your phone off the nightstand. You overslept. You must’ve hit snooze on your first alarm not realizing it and now you’re gonna be late. You get dressed and brush your teeth as quickly as you can before grabbing your bag and an apple and getting out the door. You deem coffee as unnecessary, you can live without it for one day. 

Akaashi meets your gaze through the window, somehow just as gorgeous at 9am as he was at noon yesterday, and you make your way towards the table he’s picked out. “I'm so sorry I'm late! I slept through my first alarm,” you tell him frantically while getting out your laptop and sliding into the chair across from him. 

“No worries. I actually brought you a coffee anyways, so I guess it all worked out,” he tells you looking at your slightly frazzled state. 

“You didn’t need to do that, you're already helping me so much by being here, but thank you.” You mentally mark him down as a charmer. He grins at you and you begin to review his old notes together. 

“Your exam isn’t until Wednesday, right?” Akaashi questions during a break you agreed on after an hour of studying.

“Yes, thank god,” you reply to him.

“Make sure to call me after so we can see how helpful I was,” he says jokingly.

Three days, and two and a half hours of testing later, Akaashi’s phone rings and you echo through the line, “I GOT AN 88!” He congratulates you through the phone and states how this calls for a celebratory coffee, his treat. You of course are not going to turn that down and meet up with him at a shop a few blocks from campus. Upon seeing him you trample him with a hug and thank him until he has to stop you from doing so anymore. Akaashi laughs at you softly, “You’re welcome, but I'm sure you could’ve done it on your own.”

From there, your friendship with Akaashi blossomed into a relationship as the first date turned into third, which turned into fifth, which turned into inviting you to a New Years Eve party his friend was hosting, which obviously turned into your first kiss and so much more. Recently, it seems like you spend more time in his apartment than your own but there's nothing you would change about that. Waking up next to him felt sacred, you could talk about whatever you wanted and he would always keep the conversation flowing with little questions and quips about whatever you’re going on about. 

Keiji reaches across the sheets to pull you closer to him when he notices your quiet snores have stopped and you begin to stretch out your legs. Your arms naturally go up to his neck to play with his hair when he wraps his own around your waist. He smiles sweetly at you, “Good morning.”

You giggle for a second before responding, “Good morning to you too.” Your eyes travel up to meet his as you ask, “Keiji do you believe in fate?” 

“I don’t know. I never really thought about it. Do you?” He replies, slightly confused on why you were asking such a deep question so early in the morning. 

“Well I think it was fate that you walked into that little bookshop at the same time I was there.” 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I was having a horrible week and I think you were sent to fix it all.” He hums and kisses the top of your head as you fall into a short silence. “You know it wasn't an accident. Back at the library I mean. I bumped into you on purpose,” you admit and your cheeks heat up a little. 

“I know,” he says and smirks down at you. You look up at him, shocked eyes and open mouthed, and he puts a deep kiss onto your lips. He knew the entire time. And he just went along with your scheme because apparently you weren't the only one whose heart stopped at the first glance of a stranger whose beauty was truly breathtaking.  

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I got an ask with comments about a post where the OP kinda defended the situation with Lies We Sing to the Sea. I will not post the part of the ask with the link because I want to give zero attention to that post. But here is the commentary

The post in question has 1 note so please ignore it and let it remain hidden forever. But I'll comment because I love "taking the piss" as a Brit would say.

i don't trust this scorn [toward the author] to be warranted anymore. from white Greek people especially.

So.... OP excludes 99.5% of all Greeks on the planet (based on what Greeks consider a White person) from commenting on a cultural issue, where appearance plays no role... Ahaaam... Also, half the Middle Easterners and N. Africans can pass as White Greeks so... what does this gal call White and non-White exactly? Well, you know what, let's not indulge her here.

Perhaps I'll send my family over to her house and whomever she deems "ethnic"/"brown" enough, I'll instruct them to tell her her opinion is shit, so we have chances of being heard. I don't agree with bashing Brits just because they're Brits but OP reaaaally sounded like an old white posh Brit here. But even her posh dead fellow countrymen didn't check how light our ancestors were when fighting them to steal their antiquities and land, just sayin

it's not her fault she got a publishing deal and you didn't. be honest for a second, that is what you're mad about, isn't it? that she has a bigger megaphone than you right now.

Wow.. that's an assumption. Since the news broke out first in the publishing world, it's normal for some of the Greeks who called Underwood out to be writers themselves. But no Greek, including Greek writers, called her out because of jealousy. They did it because they were horrified by how little the prominently Anglophone western industry continues to care about actual Greek culture and people while profiting from it in the most inaccurate and dismissive way. Why do you think the drama blew out? Because it's not just a book, it's a treatment of Greece and Greece that's happening for damn centuries!

you lot make fun of poor brits way more than the people in power. funny British accents? working class accents. gross British food? poverty meals. it's punching down. admittedly, i have no clue what Sarah Underwood's finances were or are like, before or after she sold her book.

Her finances were good enough for her to get her hands on the Odyssey and call it things you just Don't call a foreign National Epic. Her financial situation is improved now, and I don't see her getting more culturally respectful or apologizing. And in 2023, the Odyssey with explanation and commentary is accessible to everyone. Even kids books and cartoons on national TV with simple language will give you a better understanding of the work, compared to what Underwood has.

And, how insidious of OP to use poor Brits (as she used non-White Greeks earlier) to prove a point, while in actuality she's shitting on them too! Does she really think poor Brits don't have the capacity to appreciate an Epic?? That cultural disrespect is a characteristic of poor people...??

Based on what I know about the mentality of people in the UK, if Brits with little education make these comments, they will be much more appreciative than Sarah Underwood, and they are more likely to also add "eh my education wasn't the best. I am sure it's a very important piece for the Greeks and for the whole world, since it's so ancient". The average low-income person seems to me much more grounded, and much less audacious when publicly saying negative stuff about our Epics. I think most people wouldn't even dare speak how Underwood spoke if they were aware - as they often are - their education was lacking.

You can usually tell when comments about the Greek Epics are made by people who didn't have privileges, compared to when they're made by people who had ample access to them and they just chose to be dicks. I'll take negative opinions from poor Brits on the street any time over Classics Student Pretentious Talk

[thelikesoffinn]

Hi! I wanted to now: How do you decide if you answer an ask or don't? I had this one Astarion question and I don't want to be rude so I thought I'd ask your criteria first

Hiya there!

Don't worry, you can generally ask away freely! 90% of my "criteria" is tone, to be perfectly honest. So long as you're nice, on topic and keep to the regular conversation rules, it's quite likely that I'll answer your question!

The other 10% are mostly a mixture of different aspects.

If it's just banter, - so, someone talking about their Tav or their fics or whatever other topic without really asking anything - I'll just answer away.

But if there's a proper character-question in there, I usually try to look for these things:

1. Is it actually a question, or is it a rant with question marks?

2. Do I know enough about the character/situation/topic to actually give an answer? And if not, is it a bridge I can gap by researching?

(Probably the most important to me! I don't like just throwing stuff into the room without knowing what I'm talking about, so I always make sure to research if I deem it necessary.)

If you're planning to refute a point I made in one of my posts or simply offer your opinion on something I said, I usually just go through it and try to gather if my point was correctly understood and if the points that are made in turn make sense to me (and to the topic).

Otherwise, an answer won't do anyone any good because it's just us talking past each other like two ships in the night. Things like that turn ugly really quickly, and I'd like to avoid that where I can. (A good discussion needs a firm base - i.e., both parties need to understand the source and each others points to a proper degree - to work out. Otherwise, it's just a random bar throwdown).

Anyway, flower, I'd say just ask away and don't overthink it! I don't bite!

[oreganosbaby]

Honestly what pisses me off the most about the media illiteracy throughout the succ fandom (and lbr the internet as whole) is when it escalates to reprimanding actual people for enjoying the conflicts of the show. Almost like it makes you complicit in the actual crimes being portrayed. I feel like tumblr has moved on a bit from this with the demographic aging a bit but there are still so many people refusing to dissect the show because… idk. fear i guess?? Of being deemed immoral for engaging with a text that clearly condemns fascism? Idk. It’s like they can’t just stop at thinking roman is bad they gotta think that liking the character and trying to understand why he does what he does also make you bad. Just juvenile stuff i guess lol not sure how anyone who thinks like this can get any enjoyment out of this show

Also, i know that politics and fascism are all the shit rn but i think the worst example of this is when someone points out the incestuous undertones on the show. Incest just seems to tick something in people in general and you usually can’t discuss it because incest = bad do not open. recognizing the incest when it’s clearly there is enough to make you an apologist lol

Firstly, no one is literally reprimanding. Internet randoms don't have that power but, they are shaming which is effective on some people. They also have this idea that being able to relate to or even understand a "bad person" also demonstrates that you have the capacity to be bad which is like, a very essentialist way of seeing morality. It's even sillier when said "bad person" is fictional because there is literally no consequences here other than like, being prompted to think about something from a new angle and/or feeling things. Anyway, then they do the whole wokescold shaming thing to reassure themselves and others that they're good and that other people are bad. I mean, this behaviour's been compared to Calvinism and like, that's not wrong.

Regarding incest, I reallly don't think there is any allusions or inferences to incestuous acts taking place. Any incestuous feelings are repressed and unrealisable so, it has to always be redirected. Also, all of the Oedipal complexes are forced to centre around the father so, Shiv and Kendall's respective relationships to Logan are about doing "patricide" to get his approval while Roman's is about wanting Logan to "have" him. To the Roys, Roman is abnormal or "wrong" in this way and interestingly enough, I think that much of the audience, agrees but for slightly (but not totally) different reasons. It's more about the way the nuclear family structure, something that's apart of the capitalist mode of production, causes these complexes in the first place. It then gets replicated even without literal blood relations. Honestly,, Caden Romanroydinnerparty wrote a better post about that.

[lilflowerpot]

I'm like a bloodhound that seeks worldbuilding fuel and worldbuilding fuel only— one time I was like “...the fuck is a matriarch tree” and then hours later came back out the other end, head buzzing with mycorrhizal fungi and plants that apparently have eyes. Or I'd sink so many hours just listening to YouTube videos about various mythologies (OSP in particular is a favourite haunt of mine)— I just can't help it. No wonder I zeroed in on you from the first post I saw, lol. I still can't remember what that post was about but eh.

I commend you so much for being so meticulous with the science stuff despite it not being your forte! I try sometimes but... I get lost in all the words and it's hard to focus because my brain would much rather be munching on history or something. How do you get yourself to focus??

I absolutely relate to you about thinking too much about your AU and fleshing it out a lot, I think it's impossible to be normal about your passion projects! That's just how creators are.

Fun fact, I was also the person who sent in the ask about whether the Archivist can also be the Imperial Consort! I'm gonna have a field day with LB, I can tell.

A question for you, what would be the procedure if a Galra were to pass away faraway from home in space, faraway from a planet, would their remains be preserved to be brought home and then the traditional procedures can happen? Or would the act of holding off a Galra's reunion with Sa by holding off the funeral be considered rude? Daibazaal (the home planet of the Galra) is gone, right? What are the current practices for the folk that live on the ships?

And oho, a new culture/science post coming up??? 👀👀👀👀👀 I'll definitely be looking forward to that!

— I probably need a signature of some kind, don't I

[1][2]

anon this is SUCH a mood actually

As to how I get myself to focus, I'm truly flattered that you think I have control over such a thing, but the truth of the matter is I just chase the intense serotonin high of whatever task is presently delivering it until that is no longer the case, and then I move on to the Next Fascinating Thing......... y'know, like a neurotypical person.

((this is a good part of the reason why some asks remain unanswered for a greater period of time than others, because I physically cannot force myself to craft a proper response to anything until my horrible little goblin brain deems it shiny enough))

The archivist/consort post was also you???? Damn, okay, you've really been single-handedly fueling my worldbuilding as of late haven't you asdvsvcdghsvdfk your contributions are all very much appreciated ♡

So as I said in my post on galra funeral rites, the only phenotype that culturally favours burials over cremation are the Dox, due to their major religion—Eiyyka’an—dictating that just as the jungles in which they historically made their home provided for their people in life, so should they, in exchange, provide for those jungles in death. Of course, Daibazaal is no more and the Empire extends far beyond the confines of a single planet besides, but the ultimate site wherein their body will be laid to rest is usually one of three places. The most traditional is Feyiv, as for the modern galra this has been their official homeworld for (according to my calculations regarding galra lifespans) over sixty generations, and this choice is particularly popular for aristocratic families who boast a personal plot of land that has been cultivated with the flesh of their ancestors; the most common is whichever alternative imperial planet they personally grew up on, as that would be considered the planet that they predominantly owe their flesh to as the place that sustained them in life; the least common (but not unheard of) option is one only really taken by those who spent more time in artificial colonies than not, which is to be buried in the greenhouse of said artificial colony to provide nutrients for the fresh produce.

This last one, as I'm sure you can imagine, is controversial in some circles—particularly for the Jaev who believe that the body must be delivered to Sa's embrace whole for the deceased to have any chance of triumphing in what is considered to be their final battle, thereby proving themselves as worthy of being revived as one of Her chosen—so it is of course required for Imperial colonies to make note of whether any given food (be that plant or animal) has been cultivated on galra burial sites.

This brings us neatly on to the Jaevaji Faith as the major Aalk religion, the followers of which embalm their dead by slathering them with a special clay that is then engraved with the deceased's greatest deeds, before traditionally lowering them into one of Daibazaal's great lakes of magma. Again, with Daibazaal being long gone, one could use any volcano in an Imperial territory of their choosing, usually one with some significance or tie to the family, and though this may draw out the death rites of a given individual depending on how far away they are from one of these locations, the embalming process (with a little help from a cryopod if required) does an excellent job of preserving the body for as long as is necessary. The most popular alternative, however, is simply launching the prepared body directly into the closest star, as while it's less traditional, the general feeling is that if their ancestors had this option available to them, they would have thoroughly endorsed it.

Finally, the most widespread method of disposing of the dead as popularised by both the Byal & Kyx: cremation. All imperial territories, artificial or otherwise, will have a crematorium in the vicinity—the profession itself is a highly respectable one—though these can vary from the more traditional funeral pyre, to that with which humanity is more familiar. After the body is reduced to ash, where the family chooses to disperse them is incredibly personal, and while many choose to return to Feyiv, or another Imperial planet if they deem that their home, it is equally common to simply scatter their loved one's remains out amongst the stars.

[merv606]

Don't tempt me with that "I wish you would write a fic where" post.

👀

I was reading Heat again and I know you call it unrepentant breeding kink but some of the things that are mentioned about Daniel and Terry make me want to know what the first stages of their courtship were like.

Why did Terry and Daniel keep their relationship + Sam out of the public eye? Had Daniel tried to resist Terry's charms? Was it simply privacy? Why did they wait until Robbie (other than to show off how fertile Daniel was.) I'd love to know what some of the crazy headlines said about their wedding. About having Sam out of wedlock, etc.

I want the drama and the gossip. Lol.

Also, I am very curious about what would happen in a sequel to I Will Be The One where Daniel slowly regains his memories,and he's heart broken, but he can't stop loving the version of Terry he's come to know.

I crave dysfunction.

Sorry for the super late reply - I was trying to come up with a decent answer because I don’t really have a backstory - and to be honest - usually don’t for most of my stuff - it’s wide open (like Daniel 😈) for you to insert your own HC within the context of the story if you so desire but I would imagine Daniel was behind it.

Maybe he was paranoid about Sam’s safety - maybe he wanted his new little family to be just for him and them and not have the outside world intrude.

The press were so obsessed with Terry and Daniel when it was rumoured they were dating and he doesn’t want that for his daughter / not for the first few years of her life anyway.

It’s like a celebrities who keep their marriage secret and even their children - for as long as possible.

There’s Daniel’s age and Terry is a sought after Alpha and the omegas are like petty debutantes - there is a lot of infighting and they’re all jealous of Daniel - who is not only unfairly pretty but a rare male omega who bagged THE Terry Silver - years and years of of omegas throwing themselves at him - acting as society deems they should and Terry mates THAT omega instead - who doesn’t even act like a proper omega of their circle should.

Not that anyone is dumb enough to say that while Terry is around but they’ll circle Daniel like vultures - although someone was dumb enough to make a comment about Sam being born out of wedlock AND how unfortunate it is that she has an omega parent who doesn’t how to behave - implies that Daniel and this Sam are lesser than because of it - and Daniel was livid but also hurt - and if there is one thing Terry hates more than anything is an upset mate not will he entrain the idea that his mate and daughter are less than absolutely perfect (he picked Daniel after all and put Sam inside him).

Besides, Terry is a prime Aloha and if it’s good enough for him (more than good enough he purrs to his omega later that night balls deep, his little omega gauging bloody rivers into his back panting in his ear for it) than it’s good enough for everyone else - besides these are lesser alphas that just don’t know how to handle such an exceptional creature as Terry’s mate.

So as much as he wants to show the world who Daniel belongs to - and he does when the time comes - he also only wants to subject Daniel to this new social circle when necessary - and it will give Daniel time to get used to his new life, and for Terry to try to polish out a bit of the rough edges - only because they’ll eat him alive.

Terry too likes this time away from all the bullshit of his position - to live the domestic life with Daniel - something he thought he never would have wanted.

Also, a possessiveness he has never felt overtook him when he got Daniel with child, especially when he started to show - and he had to grapple with the urge to hide him away for his eyes only - barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen type situation - and Terry too had to grapple with the fear he felt about Daniel’s safety.

Besides, the rumors are all over the place / sometimes the press paint Terry in a less than favourable light - the age difference, the wealth difference, getting an omega so young pregnant.

Sometimes they paint Daniel as some gold digger who baby trapped Terry - depends on what mood the press is for which agenda they push that week.

I have to say for the amnesia fics I never once entertained the idea of Daniel regaining his memory - it was a thought that literally never crossed my mind.

But I assume it would be like that saying - when is a monster not a monster? When you love it.

Daniel would be in too deep and although the hurt would run deep and trust broken he would have to find a way to reconcile that.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

While i don't enjoy Army's response to what is essentially public information; I think it shows the beginning of the media and perhaps the military's dramatisation and 'use' of BTS as a media property. Sure, journalists will engage in scoops of any order but the choice of someone in the military to precarise recruits by allowing this to leak is also - troubling

I don't know i like reading your analyses but i think it suffers from a one-sided reading of 'Army' as a negative / detrimental force alone. Because at some level they are also loosely-organised and grassroots collective and the ones they call out entrenched and Elite and often capable (to a greater extent, even) of their own PR spin...

Public figures almost always become media property. It's a price to pay, as shitty as it is. I wouldn't say BTS are the only victims of this, but of course there is the chance of a heightened attention given their status. And that's the thing. When you become so big, it's a double-edged sword. Of course the main problem lies with those who actually leaked the information. But that's a given. Which is why I said the fandom shouldn't shoot the messenger in this particular case. Because to me, it looked like they channeled their anger to the wrong place this time.

And I think the way military service issue has been handled and talked about by the company and Jin has had a significant contribution to this as well. From the statements made by the COO back in spring when they had the LV concerts, to Jin calling it the Voldemort and subsequent messages on weverse. Which do nothing but rile up a fandom that is very protective. They should know better. Put out the official statement, with the idol either/and offering a letter to his fans and a last livestream and be done with it elegantly, without inviting so much drama. There is fault here to every single side, not just Army. But this is the result when they are not trying to do damage control, making sure that at least from the company's side, the way this should be handled is quietly and respectfully. Making subtle complains on weverse is not the way to go. And this much noise surrounding the enlistment is not only because it's a BTS member, but because it was allowed to reach this point, which hasn't happened with other idols who simply went the usual route.

I had someone who sent me another ask about the account that translated the article and how it's problematic. I know that, a lot of us know. Which is why I specifically mentioned that as well in my post, but I also said that for the actual act of translating a published news piece, it's not a reason good enough to have that person admonished. I was very specific with that part, so I don't know what wasn't clear enough. Of course Bora has her own pr spin. She has it on everything. I am absolutely convinced she has access to all sorts of information from various sources. You don't end up with and maintain an account like that simply because you translate stuff. And as much as parts of this fandom would want her gone, that's not going to happen. She has too much social capital and status at this point. But you see, this grass-roots collective fandom is still very selective when it comes to what is deemed as acceptable and what not.

And a last mention, I completely understand your point, but I do want to mention that when I talk about Army or the Army response to something, I'm looking at the overall reaction. Of course not every single person in the fandom is saying the same thing. I can see that here, I do have Army who is following this blog and who share their thoughts. But what I'm usually talking about is a collective response.

[blindedguilt]

|[ Leonard and Caim. Because reasons. ]|

YOU ALREADY KNOW MY ANSWER TO THIS, BRI.

Alright so to note before anything I had a literal essay typed out and ready to go at about,,, 1???? AM???? The night this was sent

but then I forgot mobile Tumblr hates me right now so I hit post and lost it forever 😔

Then I wrote this but fell asleep in the process at about 4AM and woke up the following morning, and after days of working on NOTHING else on Tumblr but this, finished it after a lot of on and off work (I was still resentful and petty about losing my first one), and am praying the gods won't get in the way of my thoughts on this because good LORD

I've tried to include everything my original post did (albeit a lot less messy) but....

So to start, whoever came up with the idea that a ship is "good" based off of how pleasantly compatible and not toxic/problematic the people involved are is a fucking liar

I don't talk a LOT about shipping given the nature of this blog and that the topic doesn't come up very much??? At least on Tumblr lmao

But what some people might not know is that while I'm someone who believes that literally everything and everyone is inherently,,, "pairable" (It feels better to say than shippable), no matter how little they've interacted or how unconventional/potentially problematic may be, I am also VERY picky about shipping to where there's only been a handful I've ever really been invested in (2 OC pairings, 2 pairings involving canon characters) and the rest I usually bump off either for taking up feed space and not really caring or not being slightly moved at because my brain is picking at it too much.

Whether I like a ship or not ultimately comes down to two things:

1. Is the dynamic THERE? or are the two characters just trope fodder

When it comes to the happy couple, power couple, sunshine/grumpy, etc. etc. I DO enjoy these tropes, but more often than not they end up being boring for that being next to everything about the characters themselves. I'm always eager to know stuff like what drew them to each other and continues to draw them to each other, what caused/how their previously established dynamic was able to evolve to where it is now, what fuels their particular dynamic, and ofc their own established characters outside of it. I don't often indulge in romance-type things outside of those campy us romcoms from the 00's but I've seen a few very forgettable couples in media (I won't blame Disney for being targeted more towards children, but you'd expect more out of couples like Cent and Two ESPECIALLY for that's more or less just "They're in love!" And I'm just,,,, yeah. that's been established 😭

2. The actual portrayal of the ship. My autism brain is VERY stringent about this, literally you could have everything what was just discussed and if it doesn't stack up in a way that really makes sense, it will stick in my mind like an itch I can't reach and I likely won't shut up about it for the next month.

I dunno how to explain it, when you have a certain pair/set of characters (Who are made of differentiating backgrounds, circumstances, etc. which may affect them in different ways), and they gradually get to understand/learn more about each other as time passes and in turn grow some semblance of a bond/care as humans do to the point it could be deemed a romantic(?)/intense enough "bond" that could manifest itself in any which way depending on what's been established in those characters backgrounds, how they already and HAVE interacted with each other, their current circumstances, etc. etc.

Sometimes, especially in a darker piece of media like Drakengard, the way they manifest as a "ship" or "pair" isn't always a conventional or even healthy so much as it is a result/consequence of those raised emotions and their bond. When I see something that should stack up to be toxic or potentially even twisted and problematic be written as something undeservingly sweet and "cute" it gets under my skin like nothing else. Like differentiating Nabokov's Lolita, which is an absolutely GUT-WRENCHING book about CSA and the effect it has on the victim later on in life, and lolisho circles, which are.... Yeah. It's also why the all too popular good girl/bad boy trope gets under my skin for how often it's just putting up with a guy's shitty behaviour and then him magically changing at the end to "justify" it and ughhhhhh you know the spiel

ANYWAYS, WITH ALL THAT ESTABLISHED. THEM.

I think what really strikes me most about Leonard and Caim's whole relationship without even considering shipping is just how much there is to compare/contrast, like...

As far as differences go, they're nearly polar opposites in just about fucking everything, resulting in the all too well-known clash in personality we like to write lmao. There's a lot to be said in these two different aspects of their characters, like the spontaneity/suppression, deflection/guilt, revenge/recompense, fighting to live/fighting to die, sadism/masochism, reckless bravery/reckless cowardice, and it's goes into their backgrounds as well, with Caim's upbringing in royalty and Leonard's likely in peasantry/coming from the general lowerclass before even his life as a hermit, and even in design (the blond/brunet contrast is a VERY popular design choice in a lot of fiction, usually with the blond being established as the "good conscience"/more naive/comic relief/etc. of the two and brunet, ironically, usually being an established lead or main character with more of an idea/maturity/so on in contrast.)

And while it's easy enough to just say opposites attract and use that as argument enough, what I think really would pull them together as far as shipping is concerned is much more in what they share in common (what little they fullheartedly understand of each other) in contrast

The biggest points I think are definitely sharing the role of older brother, which Caim (at least, I think, you'll have to tell me) kinda carries more subconsciously and/or at the back of his mind while consciously going "Older brother? Oh yeah... That thing. That's the thing I am" and Leonard eventually carries both consciously and subconsciously down to his very mannerisms (And of course, mainly in my Leonard's case where these smaller scenes are more relevant), often adopts that role of caretaker to just about anyone and anything whether he knows it or not — Seere, Arioch, Caim, etc...)

What REALLY interests me between them is their shared background, though. The thing Caim and Leonard both (possibly?) really know or at least have a hunch about is that both of their family was lost to the Empire. And THIS, whether it's actual knowledge or just a hunch, I think is not just the general basis for the two of their characters, but is largely the stem for the friction between the two.

To explain, it's mostly their role/perceived role in the tragedies of Caim's parents/Leonard's brother's that makes for their character schism — The difference between action, in Leonard's case where he's thinking "If only I hadn't done that" and inaction, in what I'm guessing is Caim's case, where he (may) be thinking "If only I had done something". Whether either would have actually changed anything aside, I think that whole action/inaction perception being what led to their families' deaths in this occasion is largely what leads into the people they are by the time they meet, of course, but also like

It's the reason they're so tense with each other in the sense that, at either's core, they see in the other exactly what led to their losing everything to begin with. And being near that is terrifying for them, whether it's Leonard's apparent indifference towards life or the prospect of wanting to live digging up that sense of "There's a threat and I need to do something about it" or possibly some insecurity about the lengths he takes that "Fight" between the fight or flight response for him, or if it's Caim's apparent insensitivity that brings up a sort of reminder not only of what he did as far as involvement in his brothers deaths, but a terrifying glimpse at the callousness and harm he could cause by just... Not caring for anything but himself.

So naturally, seeing a far much worse version both of what they could be and in a way, what they were stemmed from just about the same circumstances nonetheless is a major contributor to their issue with one another. A giant case of seeing their own insecurity/fears reflected in the actions the other's taking specifically to avoid their own past "fault" and going "How can you be as foolish as I was at what was more or less the only point of similarity in our lives?"

So this is where it gets into actual shipping talks, and MAN

im so sorry it took so long lmao

But explaining it in the case of shipping, on top of the growing fondness for people who are placed in these kinds of survival and/or traumatic situations being a thing that humans tend to do, like... It's what I just explained as that mutual fear/agitation with each other is even somewhat based in a vague fondness (perhaps not as personal) in not wanting to see their tragedy reappear again.

I typically believe that when developing attractions beyond anything platonic, the more you see of people and their humanity beforehand, especially in stressful and/or potentially lightening situations, the quicker you end up getting closer to each other (or at least, from one side you might) ESPECIALLY when you can play a part in helping and aiding another's life yourself for both ends. I kinda mentioned it earlier ofc to but I also think that ESPECIALLY when it comes to fictional ships, the way those feelings grow is (or maybe, should) be like growth of their pre-existing feelings of what's been established already — Growing more intense and/or obsessive with perception of a person of interest, and changing with understanding — that is, assuming they want to change/understand.

A looooong long time ago you mentioned the idea of Caim's growing violence towards Leonard the more he realises he might care (gods forbid), and honestly, that's exactly it — it comes together PERFECTLY for all the points mentioned earlier. There's not much I can say given it's mostly been throwing darts at a board for ideas and seeing what's just "neat" and what looks like the headlights of the train that may or may not be approaching to run us over but the other thing I can really pick at is the "unrequited" aspect which is where things get messy but veeeeeery interesting

I mostly see this on Leonard's part, given he has not only a few ✨pre-existing conditions✨ (to put it mildly) and what he feels for Caim I think may be a platonic/familial fondness at best, or downright terror and resentment at worst. It was briefly mentioned a while ago, once again, the idea that Caim, who generally grazes as he pleases and is ever the conniving little lad, may try and approach him out of convenience (I imagine both as a quick and easy way to dodge anything serious while also, of course, getting that a vague sense of satisfaction/fulfilment from it?) And generally depending on exactly how this is done, Leonard's full-hearted involvement is spotty at best

The chance of him actually returning or even understanding that he's an increasingly obsessed-over object of "affections" (however you may like to call them) is very low compared to him just,,, going along with it as most shit that happens, either citing the whole "fix him" bit himself and taking anything that happens afterwards as "punishment" fodder into his ever-evolving guilt complex. Where it could go from there is generally a mystery, but there's one thing I'll say: I don't think the general thing will be pleasant lmao and im not saying that negatively, mind, just the opposite

SO.

Would it be unrequited? Most likely.

Would it be toxic? Definitely.

Would it look a little like this cursed-ass video I stumbled across on YouTube that hasn't left my mind for three days? We'll have to see.

But most importantly — It's INTERESTING, the dynamics are there and always have been, and it goes without saying I don't have to worry about your portrayal skills in the least. 20/10.

I am begging for a Caionard sweep this summer please you don't understand 😭