#i dont care who you are you could be neil himself and you would be wrong (/j)

[charizardstolemynickname]

"Aziraphale would have confessed his feelings first if Metatron didn't give him a job offer"

OKAY BUT YOU ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING ME, CORRECT, EXCEPT HE DID CONFESS

Aziraphale is an angel who more than anything loves God/Heaven and Crowley. He loves more things (his bookshop, human food, books, classical music, etc) but the things he loves more than life itself is heaven and Crowley

And so, often, those 2 loves would contradict each other. His bond to Heaven told him that all Demons were evil and wrong, that demons shouldn't be trusted. And his bond to Crowley told him everything Heaven said was wrong, or in some capacity was wrong. It took years (literally hundreds if not thousands) for Aziraphale to find a rhythm that worked best

Aziraphale KNEW Crowley wouldn't want heaven back, and he also knew heaven wouldn't want Crowley back. He respected both of those wishes and cared deeply for both still. He knew what Heaven did to Crowley was unfair, and knew heaven was sometimes wrong (season 1) but to him, that doesn't make Heaven as a whole wrong, only flawed

He also knew Crowley had done some not very nice things as a demon, that he didn't agree with. Again, that doesn't mean Crowley was wrong, just that he had some flaws

And so when given the opportunity, to fix Heaven's flaws, in the way that is proper, why would Aziraphale not take it? For 6000 years he had the 2 sides of his heart fighting over what is right, (and who/what is right, Crowley or Heaven). But NOW? He can fix Heaven, none of those Angels in charge before knew anything, they hadn't been to earth, they hadn't felt human emotions, they didn't understand TRUE good and bad, didn't understand what the colour grey meant.

This was proven by Gabriel CHANGING AS A CHARACTER COMPLETELY once he fell in love with Beelzebub. Gabriel in season 1 was for the war, was actively going against everything Aziraphale stood for. Gabriel wouldn't listen to Aziraphale, no matter how much he spoke about how the war is wrong. But then he did listen, because he felt love, and the love made Gabriel realise the fight was ridiculous, and unnecessary

So YES Aziraphale saw that since Gabriel left, there is only 1 Angel left who understands the complexity of right and wrong with humans. And even then, Aziraphale knows he doesn't FULLY understand it, he couldn't on his own. Because the reason he did understand it was because of Crowley

Never once did Aziraphale try to get Heaven to bring Crowley's angel status back, and never once did he try convincing Crowley to go back to Heaven (before all this anyway) because he KNEW Crowley would say no

Of course Crowley would say no to Heaven (run by Gabriel), why would he not, it was incredibly flawed and they casted Crowley out for no reason

But now? Heaven could be better. Could be fixed. By Aziraphale, and Crowley

And Aziraphale KNOWS Crowley didn't really "fall" or "become evil", and so to Aziraphale, Crowley becoming an angel again isn't a crazy idea

Especially not when Crowley is exactly what Aziraphale pictures when he thinks of what an Angel should be. Crowley cares, Crowley trusts, Crowley does things for no other reason than to be kind. Crowley is the perfect angel to Aziraphale

SO, Aziraphale saying to Crowley "Come to heaven, come recreated heaven with me" IS a love confession. It's him saying "You are my everything, you are everything right in the world. I would never dare suggest you should forgive heaven, but heaven was wrong, we both know that, but you and I both know you were the perfect angel and still are. Heaven created by you will be the true heaven"

It's Aziraphale saying "I have loved you and Heaven for thousands of years, and never once asked either of you to change. Today, I want Heaven to change as it is wrong, I want it to change, and I want it to change to become perfect for you. I want it to realise that punishing you was wrong. I want Heaven to be completely different because I love you, and you deserve so much better than to be treated as you have been for these 6000 years. I have seen what Hell does, and I have seen what Heaven does. And I have the opportunity to fix one, and you are what inspires me to do so. You helped me see the flaws, loving you is the reason heaven gets to be better"

AND I KNOW CROWLEY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THIS, AND IT HURTS, BUT STOP SAYING AZIRAPHALE DIDN'T CONFESS FIRST BECAUSE ALTHOUGH HE DIDN'T SAY I LOVE YOU, HE MAY FUCKING HAVE

thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[writingpuddle]

i wanna talk about this scene because its one of my favourite character moments for both aaron and neil. theyve just gotten to the cabin, only a handful of days after nathans death, and aaron gets neil alone and says this:

now listen. maybe what aaron is doing here is exactly what it looks like. maybe he is concerned that neil is exploiting andrew, and this is him being a protective brother. and i do think theres a part of him that is. he could also be reacting badly due to homophobia, and maybe a part of him is too. but mostly -

he's testing neil.

see, aarons not totally heartless. in that moment in baltimore, when neil was bloody and beaten to shit - aaron was horrified with the rest of them. he might not like neil particularly much, but when you see someone you moderately dislike tortured past the point of human endurance, youre going to put aside your dislike for a second. youre going to take their side, and aaron does. when the foxes claim neil, aaron is right up there with them.

but unlike neil and andrew, who spend the next few days in the emotional wringer with the feds, aaron had several days to process. to really process what allison pointed out to them.

and he realized he could use it.

maybe thats callous of him, but mostly its inevitable; this is how the twins have learned to communicate, to leverage each other with bribes and threats. he watched andrew nearly kill kevin, pick a fight with the feds, grip neils hoodie like he might disappear if he didnt hold on tight enough, and he understood that there was nothing andrew wouldnt do for neil.

meanwhile, neil is still coming off of weeks of telling himself, gritted teeth, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me...

hes barely begun to acknowledge the much less dangerous fact that he has feelings for andrew. less dangerous because if andrew doesnt care about him, then neils death wont hurt him, and neils feelings cant be hurt if hes the one that dies. but if andrew has feelings for him, then this whole time hes been risking that his death would break andrew - break the very person he most wants to protect.

so neil denies it. hes made the first wobbly step towards freedom, but he hasnt yet dealt with the moriyamas. he could still die at any moment. wrapping his head around his fathers death hasnt given him enough time to break those weeks of conditioning himself in the dark. andrew doesnt care about me. andrew cant care about me. neil will go to war for andrew but the idea that the converse is true is too dangerous to look at directly. to protect andrew, to protect himself, he denies it.

but when aaron asks neil if andrew will fight for him, he's not really asking. we can see it in the casual way he shrugs off neils denial. he doesnt care what neil says. he wants to see what neil does. he already knows - or has a pretty strong bet - what andrew will do. what he needs to know is if neil is serious.

listen, i am personally of the belief that if andrew released aaron from his deal for neils sake and then things went sour with neil, andrew would respect the broken deal anyway. but i dont think aaron sees that - he hasnt yet fully internalized that andrew does things out of his own brand of fairness, and not out of malice. so he needs to know; andrew will fight for this. will neil?

so he lobs a grenade at neil, a loaded accusation, and neil comes back swinging. and theres aarons answer. neil isnt exploiting andrew, hes not just playing around. hes as viciously protective of andrew as andrew is of him and those two repressed assholes might not be saying it with words, but aarons not stupid. andrew gave himself away when neil went missing and now neils showed his hand too.

neils right. he has been had, and hes just lucky that what aaron wants is exactly what neil wanted anyway.

[allforthegaymes]

Post Evermore drabble

(Andrew x Neil x Jean)

When Neil had told Jean about Andrew, way back in Evermore. Stumbled through shaky words between whichever torture sessions Riko and the Master had scheduled. Jean had wondered how in Neil’s mind, Andrew could ever seem as looking larger than life itself.

His brief meeting with the man at the banquet was nothing remarkable. A short welch for Kevin to cower behind. Likely too drugged to even comprehend what he had been saying.

But the way Neil talked about him then. What information would have been nothings if it had been spoken to anyone besides Jean.

Whispered tid bits as they lay in the dorm at night, fit together onto one bed for the comfort of company. Neil would tuck his face between Jean’s shoulder and talk about how Andrew always sat on the desk when he smoked in the dorm. How even though he was scared of heights, he would always lean far through the busted window screen to exhale smoke. How he took Kevins need for the buddy system in stride, letting the Foxes believe it was Andrew who needed it more than Kevin.

Jean couldn’t help but feel a little hopeful. Even knowing he had no way out of Evermore, at least Neil would have someone waiting who had experience taking care of the post Raven abuse.

The hope drifted slightly when Renee reached out to him. Neil had mentioned the system, how the Foxes were split between being Andrew’s or Renee’s. Hope bruised that maybe he could’ve been one of Andrew’s too.

Hope near crushed when Renee is the one to sweep into Evermore and drag his beaten body out.

He’s not sure why he was so convinced that Andrew would find him intriguing. The man doesnt visit like Renee does. Only making an appearance when Neil and Kevin feel the need to bully their way through Abby’s house to see him.

He is the one who rebukes Kevin’s offer to ask Jeremy to take in Jean with the Trojans. He doesnt give an explanation, just a steady stare towards Jean and a nod to him before they leave again for the dorms that night.

When the Foxes win against the Ravens, and Riko gets his arm near ripped off by the heavy swing of Andrew’s racket. Jean is glad someone else was able to protect Neil from Riko.

When Jean hears about Rikos suicide, and finds himself in that bathtub, and then finds himself dragged through the halls of the Fox Tower to the waiting ambulance. He thinks about whether Neil will be okay with just Andrew to take care of him.

He’s surprised to wake up in the hospital bed and see Andrew sat beside it, more surprised even to see that Andrew’s alone.

The blonde doesn’t offer him any words, but tugs off his black armbands, grabbing Jean’s hands to place them onto the faded, but raised scars beneath. Jean grips onto him harder than necessary but Andrew doesnt sway. A steady force for Jean to lean into.

When Jean releases his wrists, Andrew lets them tangle into his shirt instead while he pulls the bands back on.

“Dont touch me, just touch the clothes.”

Jean hooks one finger around a belt loop and a fistful of the shirt in another, and keeps them right there to fall back to sleep.

Hes moved back to the Fox Tower within a week, Kevin moves to sleep on the couch in order to give Jean his bed, but Jean finds himself crawling into Neil’s every night anyways.

“Does it bother you?” He asks Andrew once.

Neil is fast asleep beside him already but Andrew is sat on the desk by the window, leaning as far out as he can.

He gives Jean the quirk of one eyebrow.

“Me sleeping next to him. I know you two…and you know my…reputation”

Andrew snubs his cigarette out on the windowsill before dropping it to the concrete below.

“I’m not in charge of Neil and I will not be in charge of you either”

“But that doesnt-“

“It doesnt need to make sense,” Andrew shrugs “I told Renee I’d take care of you, and that means letting you have what you need to feel better”

“Would you come over too then?”

Andrew doesnt hesitate, barely remembering to kick off his shoes before he climbs in next to them. He stays closest to the edge of the edge of the bed, “no skin, but clothes are okay.”

Jean turns to his side to tangle his fingers into the sides of Andrew’s shirt, and lets the arm that Andrew slings over his shoulder tug him closer till his nose can be tucked into Andrew’s chest.

A deep breath.

The smell of cigarette smoke, sweat, and cheap deodorant.

Neil mumbles in his sleep somewhere behind Jean, but he tunes it out as Andrews fingers slide into his hair, scratching softly against his scalp until Jean’s breathing evens out, slipping into sleep as well.

[kelvintimeline]

I saw that person liveblogging the podcast yesterday and one of the posts was like “she’s saying he used butter on her…. Which is a weird and suspicious detail because from what we know about Neil’s sex life he would for sure have a bottle of lube at hand” BE SO FOR FUCKING REAL…. YOU DONT KNOW THIS MAN. YOU DONT KNOW HIM

It's very weird to watch THIS type of parasocial relationship where he's simultaneously a Sex God who would never need to resort to rape (which... hm) and also a 60 year old minor who has never had sex before so he can't be blamed if he doesn't notice he's raping someone.

And sometimes it's the same person claiming both at the same time.

He's anything he needs to be to maintain his innocence. Too pathetic to be a rapist, too cool to be a rapist, too beloved, too nice on tumblr, too pro-trans, too neurodivergent, too good at BDSM, too edgy, too progressive, too much this tumblr user's long distance, one sided friend

And beyond the parasocial aspect of it all, it's just incredibly noxious to have this idea that being [x] means you cannot rape someone.

Okay, so Neil is a guy who would always have lube on hand which someone means he wouldn't use butter on a very, very young girl (relative to himself)... why? Because it would be uncomfortable and dangerous for her health to use butter for a lube? Why are we assuming he cares? Why are we assuming he didn't like the degradation aspect of it regardless of her comfort?

Who are we assume he didn't choose butter for the cruelty of it, even if we someone know he "really is the type to always have lube?"

Is he the type to care when he has lube somewhere but butter is more convenient?

When he's the type who COULD easily get sex from grown women and not barely legal girls who he has explicit power over but chose to go for the girls because they're more malleable and convenient and disposable and easier to victimize?

For men like him, the awfulness is the point. And I'm not saying as if i know him but... it's not exactly an uncommon phenomenon for men (or people of any gender but so often... men) to be awful, to treat women worse than they should be, simply because they can. I don’t know him but I know the type.

Sex God Neil with the Lube, Sex Novice Neil who can't tell when a woman is being a coerced... either one could be awful simply by choosing to be. Neither is innately a good human being, good sexual partner, and not a rapist.

[ninyard]

Before we get started courtesy of @rekikiri browning is southern american btw. If u even care. Its not relevant to anything its just a fact that you should know.

Browning and towns..... Now you see I am trying to figure out a dynamic.... Browning and towns being one of the only people who understand each other in a field that typically is full of racist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, and sexist people. Trying to save the victims their assigned to from the system, trying their hardest not to fall apart themselves when they have to be tough infront of the world. Towns trying to explode neil with his brain, browning clawing at his heart to stop the circulation of feelings. Towns doesnt realise the grave Browning dug for himself until it was almost time to attend the funeral, Towns being helpless to stop the sudden fall of every aspect of Browning. Towns trying to help him when he cant even help himself. They almost dont survive it. Browning not even trusting Towns to cry infront of until its not a choice, Finding that the shame of crying infront of Towns seemed non-existent when teh damn finally fell, Knowing that he could never give into the temptations, of Towns' scrunched face and the tired eyes he gave browning when neil was cutting away at their sanity, the hands that brushes his own when they discussed mundane paperwork and handed the other a coffee.

Oh THROWING UPPPP this is insanity

Literally every trail that they’re following ending at a dead body. Every name they uncover is just hiding more blood. Not ONE lead has been found alive. No wonder Town burns himself the fuck out.

But Browning’s job is the most importantly thing to him. If it comes down to it, and this thing becomes a conflict of interest or something, would he change departments or keep it a secret? Does Browning prioritise the job, or Towns? Does Browning finally see the crack in the facade of Towns and know there’s something more going on here and by pursuing this thing he’s breaking all kinds of protocol but does he even care? So he tries not to pursue it, but as you say - those lingering looks and fingers brushed off of his own - I think that all becomes a little too much. Especially when Towns bares his chest and shows this vulnerability that Browning has just been waiting for.

[astridsbirdskulls]

After seeing multiple people talk about Neil's cruncy/greasy hair from all the dye and/or bleach, I have many opinions.

Cause first of all, with how long neil probably keeps his hair, that's all replaced within like 6 months at most. (His haircut is probably choppy though because we all know he cuts it himself because he would never "waste" money on getting it cut somewhere nice.)

Second, while we read Neil's pov in the books he's been dying his hair black, so no bleach necessary. And while I can't remember how long he spent in Millport, leftover bleach from his previous identity would be cut by the time he's at Palmetto.

Third (this one requires more explanation so bear with me), after a decade of disguising himself (along with help from Mary) I think he's REALLY good at making his dye jobs look as natural as possible cause even though people dye their hair all the time and having a hair color other than your natural one doesn't make you suspicious, they would have to pass through security with ID that matched however they were supposed to look at that time. That all to say that I don't think he would have super greasy hair either (just the normal greasy that comes from using 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner). From the experience of frequently helping my sister touch up her roots, when you're just doing roots, you don't usually need to redye the rest of the hair. (Root touch ups for a normal person, aka not Neil, are about 6 weeks.) And in my sister's case, her natural hair is a dark brown and does need to be bleached to dye it the red that she keeps it, Neil putting black over his red hair would not be that difficult and I dont think he wouldn't continue to layer black over the parts that are already dyed black when he doesn't need to, partially because it's a waste of dye and when he's finally by himself he would save the dye as long as he could, and also a super dark black on someone who spends as much time outside as he does it wouldn't make sense (or look natural) as opposed to if it faded naturally in the sun.

TLDR: So, basically, I don't think Neil would have crunchy or super greasy hair, just the hair or someone who doesn't care enough to take care of it because it was never his priority.

(after Jean bleaches and dyes it red it would definitely be a little crispy but I think it would fade and grow quick enough that it doesn't last that long)

[madfoxx]

listen i loved s2 as much as the next guy but some of the plotholes are just hilarious to me because they employ the fanfiction logic of “i want this scenario to happen so it will just happen” and i feel people aren´t talking about it enough, so here are some of the things that made me go “oh, no beta read huh.”:

1) first question: why the fuck did gabriel delete his memory?? seriously though, i havent seen one single post about this, but i just dont understand!? So, heaven threatens to fire gabriel and delete his memory, which, okay, bad news. and then his solution is to....delete his own memory for them, so now he doesnt remember his own name let alone the love of his life, beelzebub, who he planned to run away with?? WHY??? he left heaven immediately afterwards anyways it literally made no sense and just caused major problems for everyone involved. But i guess the answer is: we needed him to have no memory for the story to happen so that makes sense by ao3 standarts

2) on a related note, why was he naked?? he could have just speedwalked outta heaven in his suit with the matchbox in his pocket, so why strip down?? Again, no reason, but arent you glad we got to see john hamms naked butt, so lets pin that on gabriel being an sweet dumb himbo maybe

3) also, how did he find aziraphales shop while not even remembering his own name? Dont know dont care, googlemaps probably.

4) not really a plothole, but that whole Maggie and Nina getting locked in the bookshop thing was the tropiest trope they pulled this season and it didnt even work because we got nothing from that scene, not even one hearfelt deep conversation

5) this one is a bit pedantic, but how is it that a demon with magical powers has to live in his car? i guess its a character thing and we need to see him at his lowest point but he could literally just miracle himself an enormous pot of gold if he wanted to

6) why would beelzebub order an attack on the bookshop and risk gabriels life? why didnt they simply explain the situation to aziraphale & crowley? well you see we didnt want the story to be over after 1 episode and also we needed a finale of some sort.

7)  i mean the whole attack on the bookshop was just....a thing that happened i guess. kinda strange the demons (especially shax who seems to have at least 1 spare braincell) would dare to kidnap an archangel in the first place. isnt he like, insanely powerful? and they didnt even know he lost his memory, so to them he was just an archangel hanging out on earth because he wanted to. how did they think storming the bookshop and taking him prisoner would go down?

8) tbh i dont really understand why heaven wanted gabriel back so much they would threaten to destroy anyone helping him and then....they just let him just go without any problems whatsoever? feels incredibly anticlimactic and illogical to me but i suppose the season needed some kind of threat to make the romantic elements work

9) this might actually get resolved in s3 but i cant believe Upstairs wants aziraphale - an angel who spend years deceiving heaven and overall just sucked at his job because he was too busy trying to fuck a demon - they want him to be the new supreme archangel of heaven. he literally stopped the last apocalypse a couple of days ago and now he´s in charge of armageddon 2.0? that´ll for sure take some explaining!

there´s a lot more stuff, but these are the most obvious things that have been on my mind since s2 aired. i also want to reiterate that i do love many things about this season despite the writing being all over the place. and no, i dont believe that all inconsistencies will be magically explained away by s3. i think it boils down to neil gaiman saying “lets make a big budget 6 chapter fanfic so david tennant and michael sheen can kiss each other on the mouth. also not beta we die like eric the disposable demon” and i can respect that. 

[adidegmez]

invincible s1&2 spoilers

i'm starting to watch invincible for the first time and i wanted to write here.

i like the art style. and i thought episodes would be 20 minutes or something this is so much better.

s1 spoilers

s1 ep1(it's about time)

wow. ep was good i liked mark. but the end wow! i didnt see that coming. I saw Omni Man doing bad things before watching the series, but I didn't think it would happen this early. I liked the guardians. Why did he kill them?

s1 ep2(here goes nothing)

i like teen team. and eve. is omni-man lying? i think so. or did something else really happen? i think omni-man wants earth just for himself. and I didn't expect this much blood, at least not this early.

s1 ep3(who you calling ugly?)

guardians of the globe look a lot like the Justice League. mark would probably be better with eve. she'll understand him. but i like amber too. robot!? why?

s1 ep4(neil armstrong, eat your heart out)

yes, something is wrong with nolan. he is not truly a hero. If Superman or Spider-Man were in his place, they wouldn't be able to just stand by while the city is under attack. omni-man scares me. i dont know what comes next.

s1 ep5(that actually hurt)

omni-man let his son die. well, he is not dead but still he didnt save him. What was he thinking? i thought heroes were dead. im glad theyre still alive. and titan! He fooled invinvible.

s1 ep6(you look kinda dead)

its nice to see mark smile. i hope it can last, probably wont but still. whats robot doing? im glad william learned about invincible but amber should learn too. i really dont understand why omni-man killed the guardians. whats with the white house guy and his son we'll see i guess. eve is happy thats nice but mark… heroes cant have a normal relationship i guess.

s1 ep7(we need to talk)

I don't understand why omni-man killed the guardians. I can not understand. Why did he do it?

s1 ep8(where i really come from)

i thought Nolan was lying about his planet and its people. But judging by the name of this episode, Omni-Man may not be from Viltrum. we'll see. I liked that the logo became more bloody as the story progressed. Where is the invading alien? I think we will see it in season 2. this was so good. there are so much things to see in s2. i love mark. he changed his father and maybe in the future omni-man would help save the World because of his son. No one who knew Nolan believed he could do such a thing.

s2 spoilers

s2 ep1(a lesson for your next life)

This must be a different universe or another timeline or a dream. Mark doesn't do this. Someone must be controlling his mind. wasn't donald dead? it was a different dimension. and a villain is born. Mark already has a lot to take care of. now this!

s2 ep2(in about six hours i lose my virginity to a fish)

I hope mark and amber can make it work. The logo is starting to return to its old self. Does this indicate that things will get better? But this can't be, there are so many things, I don't know how it will turn into good?

s2 ep3(this missive, this machination!)

why? Why do they give up what they love for other people? I don't understand. In the TV series or movies I watch, most of the time, nerds compromise on the things they love to be normal. But I love them the way they are and I think they need to find nerds like themselves and live without compromising what they love. i dont know i just feel bad for the collection😅. who tells the story? i like allen. How is he still alive? I knew something was wrong with Thaedus. is allen dead now? seeing debbie, listening her stories makes me sad. nolan was a good dad and a good husband. and now he is gone. amber understands mark this is good. William helps mark. mark has amber eve William and debbie has no one. omni-man! i didnt think he would be back this early.

s2 ep4(it's been a while)

Nolan confuses me. I think he really liked Debbie and Mark. imo he is confused too. Debbie changed him. Maybe it would have been different if he wasn't a Viltrumite. He saved the aliens. He was doing heroism for his duty on Earth, but he didn't have to save those aliens, but he saved them anyways.

s2 ep5(this must come as a shock)

are dupli-kate and shrinking rae really dead? Why didn't Cecil send more heroes? Maybe then they could win. Allen is alive. Thaedus is a viltrumite?!

s2 ep6(it's not that simple)

what! rex died?! why? i thought someone would come and save him. Will the sequids return? They controlled Rudy's mind so I can't be sure. im glad debbie is raising the kid. dubli-kate is really dead.i liked her i liked them all. im glad rae and rex is alive(barely). amber and mark… they love each other. theyre good for each other but it wont work. i wish it could work. I think Rick will fight Invincible. he is a good guy if he was really him he wouldn't fight but he changed so I don't know what he'll do. sequids are back.

s2 ep7(i'm not going anywhere)

there ia 13th doctor cosplayer. i liked it. we saw her 3 times, i think it was the same woman. Am I paying too much attention or will something happen? first time okay second time was okay too but the 3rd time mark and amber was walkinkg and i saw her twice. It was very funny and cool that they animated every example Filip gave while he was talking. spider-man's hand gesture. I love the references. I wish they had erased Rick's memory too. It would be better. i liked april. I hope she doesn't do anything bad. amber and mark they always understood each other until the end. they still do. i wish things could be different but they cant be together. yes, allen is strong. but anissa was right they could save so many people. but what's bad is their attitude. If they had been a little more compassionate or kind, things could have been different. So many people would not have resisted and many worlds could have been saved with less loss.

s2 ep8(i thought you were stronger)

Talking dinosaurs? so many universe. mark is bad. The multiverse is confusing me. How can he be bad in so many universes and be good in this one? but im glad he is good in this one. is that batman? he really killed angstrom. i hope he can put this behind him. kate is alive! I hope mark and eve can be together. allen and nolan. Nolan is a nice guy I wish he wasn't a viltrumite. He was just raised wrong and if he had been raised by good people like Martha and Jonathan Kent he could have become like Superman. I think we can already see that he cares he cares about others genuinely. and thats because debbie and mark really changed him and i hope we can see that more in season 3.

I started the series by seeing a speech by Debbie. I wanted to watch it before, but his speech was really beautiful and tragic. and I immediately started watching the series yesterday. Before i started, I thought it was Nolan who broke his arm and that made everything worse, but at least Nolan is not that person anymore (He never hurt Debbie physically, but he did hurt some people, including her son). I thought Nolan was such a bad guy. he grew up in viltrum but the world changed, him debbie changed him. He loved Debbie, he loved Mark and Oliver. And I hope Nolan can do better things in the future.

this story was amazing. and animation is the perfect way to tell it. i really cant wait for season 3.

this story was tragic. i cried a lot. this Show might be my favorite superhero Project. i love marvel and dc. i saw a lot of superhero shows and movies but this was incredible. i dont know what to say but im glad i watced this Show. im glad i knew mark. and debbie. and nolan. they are amazing. i hope they'll get a happy ending.

i hope season 3 will come soon.

[ginoeh]

Shipper Tag Game

I was tagged by the lovely @tj-dragonblade , thank you!

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don’t care about anymore?

As a teenager... well, that was quite a while ago lol. I suppose that would have been Harry/Draco. First fandom, first queer pairing, first smut stories. I was such a sweet sweet summer child XD The early 00s were wild

Which ship would you consider your first one?

Soooo. Funny story. Way back when, I got into fanfiction via fanfiction.net. You know how their filter system is bad/non-existent? Yeah. Little me, on her first outing to ffnet, didn’t know how to operate the character settings. I clicked on the first story on the top of the first page of the HP section. It was a Snape/Hermione star-crossed lover deal. It flash-fried my brain, taught me content curation in a crash course and incidentially made me partial to the ship for quite a few years...

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

See above lol. I will never ever forget the experience. I tried to find that story later for downloading (like an ugly beloved keepsake ig lol) but never managed.

If you mean fanfic I've written: it was gen.

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of?

Kakashi/Obito

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

Nope. Scraped by a few times since I entered the tumblr bubble but managed to stay out of it. I don’t get the point. It's freaking fictional characters in fictional worlds. Go touch grass or something instead... (but you will make me fucking mad if you try to drag me into these things with wild ad hom accusations based on what i ship or dont ship)

Did you used to have a NOTP or have one currently?

No, not really. It's only ever preferences. There are some I dislike due to my own hc/inability to suspend my disbelief but I wouldn’t call them NOTPs. I just don’t read them.

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read?

Dreamling

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

I actually dislike the term OTP. It's a scale of preferences for me. There are few (read: none) fav characters that I can only see with one love interest (and anyway, sometimes i do prefer plot over love story. wild take i know) and the more time I spend in a fandom the more I diversify.

Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting into?

I don’t get this question, sorry. If I'm interested, I'll search it out. Even if the fandom is old. AO3 is an archive for exactly that reason.

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they’re kind of interesting?

Not that I can think of, at the moment!

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

Probably? I'm not clear on what all one is getting cancelled over this week/month/year by which group of 'concerend bystanders'. I suppose I might get cancelled for the mentioned Hermione/Snape?

What is your favourite crack ship?

I'm so glad you asked. It's clearly Dream/Helm (thank you for that @writing-for-life ) Or Gollum/The One Ring (thanks go to Neil himself here). Or - actually, never mind lol.

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

At the moment it's Dreamling. But I cycle through fandoms/pairings periodically...(btw im looking for more Johanna/Death? If anyone could point me in the right direction?)

What do most of your ships have in common?

At least one character has a dark/unknown/violent/tragic past (they can be victim or perpetrator!!! I'm all for character development babey)

What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

I don’t hate ships? As I said above. Possibly the reduction on 'I can fix him/her' or 'my love will save him/her from depression/"the darkness"/etc.' but that is mostly a matter of the author's style of crafting characterization and plot and has nothing to do with the ship itself.

I'm tagging @bazzybelle , @seiya-starsniper , @writing-for-life if you want to or maybe just point me towards your post if you've done it already?

[spirits-n-giggles]

Good Omens spoilerific HOT take!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Just because they kissed doesn't mean they're not still an ace couple, if that is what you want them to be. Demisexuality is a part of that spectrum, and as a Demi myself, if I spent millions of years with my best friend, I would also eventually grow feelings for them, too. XD What does one do when they dont have the words to express how they feel? They turn to derastic measures, and this show definitely showed that act as a moment of desperation on Crowleys part, and it was, in some way, nerve wracking on both sides. I mean, Aziraphale was shocked, but Crowley was trying to use all the words he could muster, and it still wasn't enough, and Oh! The angst! It was quite wonderful!

Also, calling them Ace when being Ace is also a human construct makes it just as authentic as every other label does for them.

They're not repressed gays. They're not straight bros. I would even argue that they aren't even technically Ace. They're not human.

But it doesn't mean they can't experience those things.

They're them. 🌸 (we could have been....us.)

Here's the Hot take: I like to think that Aziraphale was mortified by the kiss (at first) but only because he felt disgusted with himself for actually.... maybe liking it to degree- combined with coming to the realization that, that moment between them actually fucking HAPPENED- and if any other aces are out there with a religious childhood like me, it is possible that some (not all) of your aceness could come from some religious trauama that you might not have come to terms with, yet. So when thinking about it in this light, Aziraphle has some real soul searching to do.

Azi is also in an abusive relationship with the "family" of angels - we all know that. He has been ignored and unloved by them for so long that the comfort of them starting to "care" made him want to believe that the "good" side was finally starting to be good. He wanted to believe that for a moment, things were actually going to work for the two of them.

That's how it feels when there is a group that calls themselves your family are willing to "accept you," but you have to change aspects of who you are in order to go with them. Crowley saw this and had the tremendous courage to lay out all of his emotions on the table. He isn't going to compromise who he is, and he is begging that Aziraphale does the same. Quite the human reaction, right? It makes sense that he would experience human emotion since he had a hand in helping create the bloody universe, right down to creating light. God is love. Love is light. Let there be light. Let there be love. Love is also a human term, so it's no wonder that the creator of such splendor (Crowley) would feel the emotions they themselves had a hand in creating -- and then to remember that Aziraphale was RIGHT THERE when it was created; he helped create it, AND he also had a hand in creating humans with God -- they BOTH have literally had a hand in creating... THIS! It's all come to THIS...

...and now Aziraphale has to come to terms with his own emotions and figure out what tf he is going to do now.

(I also really, really like the theory someone came up with where Aziraphale switched bodies with Crowley when they kissed to have Crowley go up to Heaven in his place, and after rewatching the scene...... and watching Michael Sheen's face..... I dunno man... but theories are just theories.)

We know they love each other, and we know that Neil wants there to be a happy ending for them as well. It's a slow burn for the ages and it has me HOOKED!

So, just enjoy the beautiful fanfiction-y season we got, go look up some other fix-it fanfiction and fanart to cope, and go do what you can to help this strike finally end with a writers victory so they can finish what they started! 💖

Go team G.O.!!!

[kreston-kreature]

You know what i want?

An aftg andriel apocolypse fic

But its only one chapter. And the courts are remade into giant safehouses. The foxhole court got raided so everyone had to make the treck to california to the trojans court. Except,

Andrew and neil dont make it. Neil, the martyr he is, bought them time. Andrew went back for him. They end up surrounded and back at the no longer safe PSU. Theyre just sitting on the roof watching whataver the hell kind of monsters started this mess try and scale the building and break in through the windows. And the energy is calm, serene even.

"We're most likely not going to make it out of this" neil says. Because he feels like he has to put it out there. That after everything this is the end of him. Surrrounded by a different kind of monster than any dangerous man but far more deadly.

Andrew just takes a drag of his cigerate. Raising a brow at a particular beast that thought it would be a good idea to bang its head against the padlocked door of the court.

"You once asked me who I would go back for, if I even did."

Neil thinks hes going to say something else but is meant by silence. Neil sits back on his hands, legs stretched out.

There’s no point in watching over the rooftop. Eventually, they’ll break in. But until then, Neil is here. With andrew. He won’t spend what might be his last few minutes paying more attention to the inevitable. He’s tired of caring about what’s after him, he’s sick of running out of time

Andrew still doesn’t say anything. Neil figured he’s waiting for a prompt. “I thought it would Aaron, isn’t that what the last few years were for you? Protecting him?”

“Aaron is safe. And our deal is over with. The apocalypse has a habit of putting a kink in plans.”

Neil looked at him. Watches him take one last drag of his dying cigarette before putting it out on the floor of the roof, then immediately taking out another from the box and lighting it. By now, he’s memorized the small constellation of freckles that adorn his nose, the cowlick of hair that never seems to stay in place, the curve of his lips when he smokes, his hazel eyes. Neil wishes he could freeze time into a single snapshot of this moment. If this image were the last thing he saw, Neil wouldn’t be able to complain.

“What about our deal? Why isn’t it void along with the rest of them?”

“I didn’t come back for you because of the fucking deal”

Neil was suddenly hot with his fathers anger. You shouldn’t be here, he wants to say. You should be safe, or at least have a chance at survival and on your way to California with the rest of the team. Why would he give up everything for one person? Especially Neil. His name as fake as the rest of him. A walking, cultivated lie. The closest thing to a ghost.

The look andrew shot him was unimpressed. He flit his eyes away toward the sky, a shiver going through him. Possibly from vertigo, or maybe because it was obvious he was preparing to make himself vulnerable.

Finally he spoke, “There is no point in scolding me. I already made my decision. You are not nothing, not to me. I don’t want to survive, not if it means losing you”

Oh

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Laid out cold, now we're both alone (part 3)

A/N: Hello, this fic is very important to me because I tried my best to give justice to such a cool idea and I hope I did a good job. Plus I don't do multichapter ofter, so this was a challenge.

I wanna thank the lovely @livdonna​ for proofreading my work, you're literally the best <3.

P.S. If you want to get tagged in the next chapters, let me know.

Summary: Nikki needs to ask a favor to Vince Neil, in order to keep someone safe.

Warnings: Major Character Death,Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug Use, Angst, Overdose.

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Taglist: @slashscowboyboots @witchytombstonesmile @arnold-layne @emometalhead​ @i-dont-like-rice​ @nikki-sexx​ @smokeandmirrorz​

Bittersweet. That was the best way to describe Nikki’s emotional state as he got teleported in front of Vince’s house. They weren’t the biggest fans of each other.  He was always so annoyed by his singer, whom he considered more of a diva prince than a front man.

Sometimes Vince Neil was a stupid spoiled fucker, in his opinion, yet he needed him. What made his blood boil the most was that he had to put his pride to the side, because this wasn’t about him but about Tommy, and there was no way in hell he would have disappointed him again, even if that meant having to deal with the blonde’s bullshit.

He decided to get in the blonde’s house but without showing himself at first.  He wasn’t being avoidant ( absolutely not) but just he wanted more time to think, that’s all. The first thing he noticed was how different Vince’s mansion looked from Mick’s : outside there was a big pool, in which the clear water was shining thanks to the sunny day, meanwhile the inside was mostly white and gave the whole house a very elegant and snobby atmosphere; however it was very messy too, which was a huge disappointment.

It reminded him of the singer: face of an angel but inside he had his demons. Who didn’t to be honest? Unfortunately Nikki wasn’t so lucky to get an angel face to hide his dirty soul, he felt like everyone could tell how fucked up he was.

Lost in his thoughts he almost didn’t notice Vince passing right through him, talking on the phone in an exasperated tone.

“I know Doc, you repeated that hundreds of times! Yeah , I’ll call Mick and Tommy and we will do this fucking conference!”

There was a small pause.  Doc was probably answering back, and Vince looked like he was about to smash the phone on the ground.

“What’s holding us? We fucking lost our bassist, our friend and brother. Jesus, I fucking get it that you want our money but show some fucking mercy, bastard! Fuck you!” He violently put the phone down, only to fall ungracefully on the couch.

The whole conversation made the bassist laugh out of anger.  He knew Doc was all about money, especially because they made his life a living hell, but Vince appearing concerned about his death was honestly so fake.

What? Were you saying that Vince Neil was mourning him? The guy who kept fucking up the band over and over again was sad for him?

“Fucking Nikki, real dick move you pulled there!”

Nikki didn’t wait one second before sitting on the couch and making himself visible to the blonde.

“Oh Vinnie, that’s so rude to say.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Vince screamed,  trying to back away but just managing to fall off the couch.

The other man couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Nikki, is that you? What kind of joke is this?!”

“Yeah. Look it might sound nuts but I’m a ghost. I’m dead and couldn’t pass through because I have unfinished business to solve.”

If looks could kill, well Nikki would have died again judging by how Vince was staring at him. He saw his face turning into an angry snarl before he started to yell.

“What the fuck, Sixx?! You die, leave us all alone and then you even have the courage to stay a fucking ghost! You fucking selfish prick!”

The bassist felt his blood boiling, well not literally but he got the same feeling as if he still had blood pumping in his body. How did Vince dare to say such things? He was the selfish prick, he was the one never caring and always causing trouble.  He was destroying the band!

“I’m a selfish prick?! I didn’t decide to fucking die! I put my heart and soul in the band and you kept destroying it. Now you want to accuse me? Fuck you!”

“You didn’t want to die? Oh well, what did you think would happen if you kept injecting that shit in your veins. We are fucking screwed now, without a bassist and ready to split up!”

Oh that was funny! Vince wanted to shame him, as Nikki was the only one drinking and fucking up with drugs. Oh sure Mick, Tommy and him could do anything but Nikki dares to shoot up, oh he’s a junkie! However he knew it was different, it wasn’t a simple way to party for him... He needed it to be alive. He had tons of pages written in his diaries that could be used as a proof.

“Oh because you’re such a saint, aren’t you Vinnie? I’m the bad one, I’m the one out of control. Well guess what?  The only person I hurt was myself, meanwhile we can’t say the same thing for you!”

It was a low blow, a terrible one and Nikki knew that. Rage blinded him, but that didn’t mean he had to dredge up the past, especially on something as horrible as Razzle’s death.

Good job Sikki, great way to get your friend to do what you want.

Vince’s face turned red, his fists clenched and got up to Nikki’s nose. He looked like he was about to punch him, but he had to realize it wasn’t going to happen since the bassist was not tangible, so he kicked a small table.

“You’re the only one who you hurt? What about the band, the fans, all those people you lied to and made suffer. Most importantly, what about Tommy, Nikki? How is he? Because it doesn’t look like he wasn’t hurt when you left him all alone, when you preferred shooting up instead of caring for him.”

Tommy. If he knew Vince’s weak point, the singer knew his too. It fucking hurt so bad, now he was the one wishing to be able to slap him.

“You don’t know a fuck about me or Tommy. Shut the fuck up!”

“Oh, I know all the times I saw him scanning the room around hoping to find you, all the times he looked heartbroken when you disappeared in the bathroom during rehearsal. I saw him after you destroyed him, how he still loved you even if you threw him away like trash. His two worst nightmares came true: you left him and you died. So tell me again Nikki, how did you just hurt yourself?

He wasn’t about to cry, even if he felt like a thousand legs were kicking his chest, he wasn’t about to give that fucker the satisfaction to see him crying ( he probably couldn’t even do that). But after the pain came the realization : he was there for Tommy. He was angry to forget that this wasn’t about him but about the drummer, and he probably ruined everything.

Now the hard part came : swallowing his pride down and convincing Vince. Oh, he would probably torment the bassist as slowly as he could, but eventually he had to accept.  Fuck, the two of them knew each other since high school!

“How’s Tommy?” His voice was so low, he doubted the singer heard him, but somehow he did.

“Oh, so now you want to know how he is?!” His voice was still loud and angry, but he must have seen the desperation on Nikki’s face, because he decided to answer anyway. “ He’s a mess. I just talked with him very briefly, he wanted to know if it was real. Then Doc fucking occupied this phone like it was his bitch, so I haven’t called him again, yet.”

This wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear, it wasn’t fucking reassuring at all… Fuck, literally anything could have happened, Tommy could have hurt himself or left the country and this was all because of him. He just hoped his family was going to be close to him, he was loved, they would have never left him alone. That was supposed to be his job too, but he failed.

He failed his sweet Tommy.

“Sixx, what are you thinking about?”

It was the moment. Even if his heart wasn’t beating, he still felt the oppressive pressure of anxiety.  He wanted to run but he had to do it.

Swallow your pride. You fucking owe it to Tommy.

“Vince, promise me that you’ll protect Tommy, no matter what.”

“What?” The blonde was visibly confused and how to blame him!

“You were right, I broke Tommy and he’s going to have such a hard time. He fucking loved me, even if I didn’t deserve it, and now I’m terrified he’s going to destroy himself. You can’t let that happen!”

“Nikki…”

“I fucking love him Vince. I still love him so much.  He deserves a good life, I can’t ruin him even in death. He needs support.”

“Why me? It’s not like Tommy and I are best friends.”

“Because both you and him have known each other for a long time, and when the band will keep playing there’s going to be you, him and Mick left. He would never tell his stuff to Mick and he has something else to do, which means that you have to do it.”

A dry laugh escaped from Vince’s mouth.

“What if he doesn’t want to get helped?”

“You know how to get what you want. You’ll find a way, I’d do it but I’m a little dead… look I know you hate me but I’m only asking this. Like I said to Mick, this is my dead man’s wish.”

“Okay.” The voice was so low and Nikki barely had the time to react before Vince disappeared in the kitchen.

All his insecurities came back to eat him alive. What was even the point of being a ghost if he still had feelings? The truth was that he wasn’t sure on how much Vince could help, sure having someone close to Tommy was good, but he knew his boyfriend and fuck if he was a stubborn fucker.

His boyfriend.

It was a dagger through his chest, yet it still felt warm like the first time Tommy called him that. His face always lit up whenever he said it. The drummer always made loving him seem like the easiest thing in the world, as it was even possible to love someone like Nikki.

But Tommy did and what did he get in return? A junkie boyfriend and eternal heartache, because the love of his life was dead now.

Vince came back with a beer and softer expression on his face. Nikki didn’t move from the couch so he sat back to where he was.

“I will do it. I’ll keep an eye on Tommy.” His firm voice eased Nikki’s worries a bit.

Fuck, he never expected to see Vince Neil agreeing with him.

“Thanks dude, I know you hate me but Tommy didn’t do anything.”

“I don’t hate you.” His voice was shocked and the bassist had to suppress a laugh.

Yeah sure Vince Neil, not hating Nikki Sixx.

“Oh c’mon, don’t tell me you weren’t happy to hear I was gone.”

“Fuck no. Nikki we might have fought a lot and you were a fucking pain in the ass, but I’d never want your death. I cried, you were still my band mate and brother!”

He wasn’t sure why this whole conversation was hitting him so hard.  It was probably because he didn’t know how to react to the simple act of someone caring for him beside Tommy. Especially when this someone was his singer.

But did they really hate each other as they thought they did? If the roles were reversed, would he be happy about his death?

“I felt the same. Ya know, when we thought you were dead in the car crash.”

Vince gave him a small sad smile.

“Maybe we can bury the hatchet. You don’t follow me for eternity and I won’t talk shit about you in interviews. Deal?”

“Deal.” Nikki smirked.

It’s time to go, Nikki.

The same sense of helplessness he felt before with Mick, came back. Because he could pretend everything was somehow normal, until the voice reminded him that this wasn’t his place. Even if in this case it was for the best for him to go, considering how awkward it felt for both of them to be so friendly with one another.

“Vince, I have to go now.”

The singer made an expression between sad and relieved, but maybe for the first time ever, it was genuine.

“Don’t be a stranger. Send us some bottles of Jack or some strippers from hell, okay?”

Nikki let out a chuckle. Since when he was laughing with Vince Neil?

“I’ll try my best. Vince, keep the promise.”

“He loves you. You should visit him, he deserves to say goodbye to you one last time.”

He knew that, he fucking knew that already! It didn’t matter how hard he was trying to avoid that, he was going to go to him anyway, not only because Tommy deserved it but because he was selfish.

He wanted to see him one last time too.

“I know. I’m going to go to his house next.”

Vince seemed happy and gave him a small smile. Nikki took a deep breath and got out of Neil's mansion, feeling every type of emotion.

God, now it was show time.

[captainshorter]

We all know that airport scene where Neil calls Wymack to pick him up after he got back from the ravens? Imma write that in Wymack's point of view just because i can, i want to and also because I've recently seen a beautiful art piece from this scene by @lunapiq

Trigger warning: abuse, wounds, self harm, and just all terrible things be careful with reading this.

Wymack was sitting comfortably on the couch, feet on the table and a bottle of scotch in his hands, the TV was on quietly. It was ultimately relaxing, no press, no Abby, no Betsy, no troublesome fo--

He wasn't even finished with the sentence in his head or his phone rang. He grabbed it and flipped it open. Neil's name was on display.

Wymack picked up after he let it ring for a while, "You have a good reason to be bothering me on a holiday?"

There was a soft sigh on the other side of the phone. "I didn't know who else to call." Neil answered. Wymack almost didn't recognise the voice on the other side. He sat up turning the TV off. "Neil?" Wymack's annoyance had changed into worry, "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright. I know it's kinda sudden but can you come get me? I'm at the airport." Neil said. "Stay there, I'm on my way." Wymack answered and he hung up. He was up on his feet and grabbed his keys.

Wymack couldn't help but wonder what had happened, was it Neil's parents? Did his big dumbass mouth get him into a fight again?

Wymack would lie if anyone asked but he drove a little faster than the speed limit. He knew something was terribly wrong if even Neil admitted he wasn't fine, and he claimed often he was fine even if he wasn't.

Wymack arrived at the airport and he parked his car. He walked towards the entrance but he spotted a figure sitting on the curb. Coach had only recognized the kid because of how Neil-like he was sitting, Wymack knew how all of his foxes looked just by looking at how they walked or sit. Everything else about what Wymack thought was Neil, was different, at least everything Wymack could seem, his hair wasn't black anymore, it was an auburn colour. The kid was covered in bandages.

Wymack crouched down and touched Neil's shoulder with a hand. "Up." Wymack said and he helped Neil up to his feet.

Neil looked at him, blue eyes instead of brown eyes scanned Wymack's face absentmindly. Wymack managed to hide the shock and he helped Neil into his car.

Wymack got into the driver's seat and slammed the door shut. He had questions but he waited till they got home.

The kid that looked like Neil had fallen asleep and Wymack had no choice but to carry him upstairs, he could have waken him up but the kid looked tired enough already. He somehow managed to get them both and Neil's bag into the apartment without much trouble.

Wymack grabbed his desk chair from his study room and sat down in the livingroom. Wymack sipped the scotch till it was almost empty and then he closed the cap on it.

Wymack waited patiently for Neil to wake up and when Neil finally did he watched Neil push himself up while groaning.

His face wasn't the only thing bruised up then, Wymack thought.

"I'm sorry." was the first thing Neil said and Wymack had to fight the urge to roll his eyes instead he answered, "He sounds like Neil, but he doesn't look like him. I'll take your explanation from the top without a side order of bullshit."

Neil looked at Wymack quietly before reaching up to his hair.

"No." Neil eyes went wide. Neil stood up and stumbled to the bathroom. Wymack not surprised at all. Neil looked at the mirror and grabbed the sides of the sink. Wymack watched Neil from the doorway. Neil's expression went from confused to concerned to terrified and Wymack noticed he stopped breathing as he gaped at himself in the mirror.

"Breathe." Wymack stepped forward and put a firm hand against Neil's back. Neil started to panic more and Wymack didn't have to think about the next thing to do. He fished a cigeratte and lighter out of his pocket and he lit the cigeratte. The snap of the lighter made Neil turn his head to Wymack and he grabbed the cigeratte from his hand.

Neil's breaths were deep and raspy, like it hurt when he was breathing. Eventually Neil started to cough loudly, which turned into laughing. Wymack didn't know why he was laughing but Neil sounded a little hysterical. Neil covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the sound.

"Neil, i need you to talk to me." Wymack tried to interrupt the laughter, it worked.

"I think i pulled my stitches." Neil said after he caught his breath again, "I feel blood."

"Where?"

"Everywhere." Neil started to clumsily undoing his coat buttons, Wymack slapped his hand away and helped Neil. It was a struggle but they managed to get Neil's coat off. Neil moved on to pull off his gloves. He put the top of the glove into his mouth and he tugged, Neil winced. Wymack noticed the expression on his face and he pried the gauze and tape off his cheek.

Wymack's stomach turned slightly at the sight and he went still, "Neil, the fuck is on your face?"

Neil freed his hand from the glove and touched his fingers to his cheek where the black 4 was tattooed.

He looked at the mirror again and the colour that was left on his face, now completely dissapeared. Wymack was stunned and had certainly not expected a violent reaction. That was the only reason why Neil managed to push past Wymack and Neil shot to the kitchen. Wymack immediately followed and by the time he got into the kitchen Neil had pulled a knife from the wooden block on Wymack's counter. Wymack reacted quickly and seized Neil's wrist before he got to reach the knife to his face. Neil fought back, but Wymack knew Neil didn't stand a chance. He was hurt and bruised, he was panicking because of the thing on his face.

Wymack slammed Neil's hand down om the counter until he lost grip on the knife. Neil reached for it again but Wymack pushed Neil to floor. He put both arms around Neil tightly, there was no way Neil could get free. Wymack felt a pang in his chest, he didn't want to hold his foxes down like this, especially when they were already hurt but he had no choice. Neil still tried to fight Wymack off of him but it was no use.

"Hey," Wymack sounded calm as ever even though in his head it was a emotional mess, "Hey, it's alright." Wymack knew these words weren't necessarily true but at least Neil was safe now, safe with him. "Neil." Neil stopped wriggling in Wymack's grip, his hands held onto Wymack's shirt, one on his sleeve the other crumbled to a fist in the front of his shirt. Neil trembled in Wymack's arms. "Help me." Neil gritted through his teeth.

"Let me." Wymack responded softly. Wymack waited for Neil to catch his breath.

Once Neil's breathing was back to normal Wymack shot a question at him, "What the fuck happened? Last i heard you were spending Christmas with your uncle."

"I lied." Neil responded, "Andrew's coming back to us on Tuesday, all right? If Easthaven hasn't called Betsy yet to arrange the ride they will soon." Wymack was confused, "They called yesterday but what does Andrew have to do with this?" Wymack asked.

"Everything that matters." Neil responded.

"That's not an answer."

Did this have anything to do with before Andrew got taken to Easthaven? When they were in Andrew's house in Columbia? Wymack thought.

"I'm sorry." Neil responded softly. Why did Neil always felt the need to apologise, Wymack didn't know, "Shut up." Shut up, there is nothing to apologise for. There was a silence for a couple of minutes before Wymack spoke up again, "Can i let go of you and trust you to behave or are you going to try to cut off your face again? I want to check on your stiches."

"I'll behave." Neil nodded.

"Forgive me if i dont trust you." Wymack said but he let go of Neil slowly. Wymack took Neil out of the kitchen, away from the knives and sharp things.

Neil couldn't take his shirt off himself Wymack realised that even before he gestured Neil to pull off his shirt. Wymack stood up to get a pair of scissors. Neil held perfectly still as Wymack cut through the front of his shirt.

Wymack didn't say anything about the scars all over Neil's body, but his blood started to boil, he kept his cool for Neil. Wymack scanned Neil's body with a clinical eye. He got rid of the bandage and surveyed the damage underneath them. Wymack stood up and left the room to get a wet towel and also to put himself together. He knew Neil wasn't okay and he also knew who might have done this judging by the four on his cheek but he hadn't expected it to be that bad.

Wymack was there to give his foxes a second chance, to help them, to protect them, he'd failed to do the latter. Wymack went back to Neil with the wet towel and the first aid kit.

Neil tried to take the cloth from Wymack but his hands couldn't keep a grip on them. Wymack pushed Neil's hands out of the way and scrubbed the dried blood from Neil. "One day we're going to talk about this." Wymack said in a low voice.

"After we beat the ravens, then I'll tell you whatever you want, I'll even tell you the truth." Neil answered weakly. Wymack wanted nothing more than to punch the one who'd hurt Neil. But seeing Riko lose in the finals would be a little satisfying too.

[sinnergetreadymp3]

CHAMERON FIC CHAMERON FIC CHAMERON FIC

Uhhhhh I feel like I should give this a title but I have no idea what to call so uh, nevermind !!

Anyways,I finally finished the fic I said I was writing like,a month ago lol. All my Chameron stans out there this one's for u,I rlly hope at least one person enjoys this,I rlly enjoyed writing it !! Ok sappy stuff outta the way,here it is:

As rain pounded against the window Charlie sent what was probably the thousandth crumpled ball of paper across the room.

"Jesus Charlie,is your arm not getting tired?"

Charlie smirked at that, clearly preparing to make a dirty minded joke,but a thoroughly exhausted Richard Cameron was already one step ahead.

"You know what,forget I asked, you're gross."

Getting up from the seat at his desk and ignoring an indignant retort from Charlie, Cameron thought of the rest of his friends,out for the weekend. Todd and Neil celebrating their one year anniversary, Meeks and Pitts embarking on a two day road trip,for what they still claimed to be, entirely platonic reasons (although the rest of the poets were all too aware of the almost palpable romantic tension between them). Even Knox had found something to do with himself on this miserable Friday night.

And here Cameron was,stuck in his dorm with nothing but stacks of extra homework and his obnoxious roommate to keep him company.

Speaking of that obnoxious roommate, "Oh come on Cam,you're not seriously going to bed already,it's barely eight!"

"Shut up Dalton,I'm tired."

Refusing to admit defeat, Charlie sprung from his own bed into Cameron's, attempting to wrestle the poor boy from his comfortable position.

"Charlie,get off you psycho!" Cameron managed to get out, already laughter threatening to give away just how welcome his friend's childish antics were.

After a few more minutes of "fooling around" as Charlie insisted on calling it (mostly because of how profusely it made Cameron blush),the two boys lay breathless beside each other,trying desperately to think of something else to do that would ward off impending boredom.

After a few moments of comfortable silence,Charlie suggested,looking expectantly towards the ginger, "Wanna go to the cave?"

With extreme,mind numbing boredom as motivation, it was inevitable that Cameron would say yes. It certainly helped that Charlie was gazing at him with those oh-so convincing doe eyes of his. Charlie Dalton and his stupid,gorgeous eyes. And his stupid,gorgeous smile,which Cameron was abso definitely not thinking about as he got up and grabbed his coat.

The two boys trudged through the woods,bickering lightly when Cameron complained of the cold that Charlie apparently couldnt feel at all,but always with an unusually friendly air between them. Before long they were sat together in the middle of the cave,sharing an apple that Cameron had managed to salvage from somewhere (a feat Dalton was of course impressed by),and trading stories of girls and parties galore. In Cameron's case, the stories of girls were few and the parties were from years long before even middle school,so Charlie did most of the talking.

After a while though,the boys came to discussing their friends,and the luck they all seemed to have in finding each other so easily. Charlie, ever the romantic,made no waste of his extensive vocabulary,tediously lamenting on all the opportunities of love he had missed and the everlasting loneliness he was doomed to,all because his dashing knight in shining armour would never come to find him and-

"Why dont *you* just find somebody?"

Charlie,still sprawled dramatically over a rock ,and mildly offended at the interruption,indignantly questioned "What do you mean?"

"What I said? You dont just have to wait around for somebody to come find you and fall madly in love. Why don't *you* just find somebody?"

He thought for a moment,taken aback by the ginger's harsh words,but eventually decided to humout him for a moment.

"And where exactly do you suggest I find him then, hm?"

Cameron shifted in his seat,not expecting to be taken seriously and certainly not prepared to be giving advice. Especially not *this* kind of advice. Especially not to *charlie*.

"Well,uh," he looked up to see the other boy looking at him expectantly,with that ever-present smirk on his face that, oddly enough,made Cameron feel a little more comfortable.

"Maybe,you could,I don't know, consider that the guy you're looking for has been here the whole time?"

"Wow Cam,Pittsie and Meeks' radio must've really gotten to you. All those love songs have turned you into a big softie." Charlie joked,grinning and nudging Cameron playfully.

Through a soft laugh,Cameron continued, "No I'm serious man,I think you're making this whole love thing way harder for yourself. I mean- and be honest with me, what's actually wrong with the guys at our school?"

"Other than the fact that about three quarters of them are raging heterosexuals?"

Laughing again,Cameron replied "yeah,other than that."

After about zero seconds of careful consideration,he had come to a conclusion, "Well,I guess nothing,but I dont know? Cameron, I don't see how this changes-"

"It *changes* things because clearly you don't anything about half the guys at our school. And you can't write off people you don't even know." At some point, Cameron had gotten up and started pacing around,but with the end of this triumphant speech,he finally sat down,a little closer to the other boy than he had been before.

Charlie looked across at Cameron and was suddenly met with a wave of fondness. Weird,how all it took was to sit and talk for a while before someone you thought you near hated,started to feel like your favorite person in the world. And,was he going completely crazy or Cameron at his most comfortable, without the fear of a teacher lurking nearby,without the stress of constantly trying to prove himself,was he... A little..... attractive??

All at once,Charlie made a decision,partly to try and prove himself wrong,but also because hey,if Richard Cameron was the surprise love of his life,what better time to figure it out than right now?

"So how,sir Richard Cameron,do you propose I get to know all these charming suitors?"

Cameron, completely in the dark about Dalton's recent epiphany,was still stubbornly trying to explain how much easier Charlie's love life could be,if only he would let it.

"Well,maybe by actually talking to them? Y'know,kind of like,What we're doing right now."

"So,what you're saying is,*you* could be my knight in shining armor," he said with a smirk.

"Well,that's not what-"

"No,no it's fine,as long as we're talking about this version of you. Regular Cameron is kind of a buzzkill but Cave Cam is actually a kind of.... And I can't believe I'm saying this but,in here,like this...well. You're actually a little hot."

After this, overwhelmingly romantic confession, Charlie was certain he had completely stuffed it,and sure enough,

"Gee Charlie,thanks. Really makes me wanna ride into the sunset with you." To say Cam's ego had been hit was an understatement,but before he could make a swift exit from the cave and lock himself,alone,in his dorm for the rest of the weekend,of course Dalton kept talking.

"God,I'm sorry,that was, I have no idea why I said that. I thought I was being funny but out loud- god I'm so sorry," while he had initially been mad,seeing Charlie fucking Dalton blush (and because of *him* no less) was rather funny. And sure,a little cute. So Cameron decided to hear him out.

"Can I start over? You're not saying anything so I'm gonna start over. I,uh, I really do think you're hot. Like really hot. And not just right now,all the time,like that time we were at rowing practice and I started pushing you around and we ended up on the floor and I saw like,a single sliver of skin because your sweater had ridden up,and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day,which I thought was a little weird but then-"

"Uh,I think I get it,Charlie." Now Cameron was the one blushing.

"Uh,sorry. What I meant was,that I *do* think you're hot l-"

"As you've said"

"Yeah,yeah,but it's more than that. Like,when I realized we'd basically be spending the whole weekend alone together,I was actually sorta excited for that,even though I knew I'd just be sitting by you while you did homework the whole time,I like,wanted to do that. And tonight,I haven't talked like this with anyone who isn't Neil like,ever. What I mean is,I guess,is that,I think that uh,"

Deciding to lighten the mood,Cameron tried for a little sarcasm, "Wow,Dalton, stuttering? I must be superman or something."

"I'm trying to be romantic here Carrot top," Charlie said with a grin,

"Listen,I don't really know what I'm doing here,but I think it might be kinda nice if we tried having a little romantic weekend of our own. Just to try it. If it totally sucks we can pretend it never happened and the others don't have to know about it and-"

"Charlie."

"Yeah?"

"Relax," Cameron said with yet another laugh ,he didn't think he laughed like this since... Well,he couldn't even remember.

So with a radiant smile on his face,he said,"A romantic weekend of our own sounds amazing. Gotta warn you tho I'm not a great kisser."

"Well, lucky for you I am a great teacher," Charlie replied,with a somehow even bigger smile on his face than Cameron's,

"Why are you laughing,I *am* a great teacher!" Unfortunately for Charlie,his indignance only made Cameron laugh harder.

"I'll believe that when I see it."

"If you shut up and stop laughing,maybe you'll get to." After this was all it took to get the ginger to sober up, the look on his face pushed Charlie to make his final,but (in his opinion) most important decision of the night.It was high time he flirt with Cameron way more often (which was *very* difficult to explain to the other poets,at least the first time).

[palmett-hoes]

per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)

oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts

---

okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation

h o w e v e r  i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition

- - -

similarly, i’ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. he’s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesn’t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd

- - -

so now let’s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type. 

like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesn’t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. that’s... insane, honestly.

neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:

“Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood”

(phenomenal post) and that’s neil to a t. tell me this isn’t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive

neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he can’t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then there’s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away

what’s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrew’s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.

but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didn’t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically “i really need to move on, but not just yet.” for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and he’s like “i’ll cut and run in a month or two” then he doesn’t “i’ll be gone by halloween” wrong again “i’ll leave by the raven’s game” nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he can’t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didn’t make a plan, he didn’t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didn’t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HE’D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just like “ah shit, that was fast. oh well guess i’ll die” and that’s time blindness, babey!

---

let’s move on to nicky. 

now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because he’s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i don’t think that’s all of it. like if you really look at nicky’s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.

so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd

so, adhd:

very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries like “appropriate” times and topics of conversation

i would say you see hints of this with nicky. he’s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. he’s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but he’s an elite-level athlete. he’s also decidedly very chatty, and doesn’t seem to really pay attention to what he’s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. he’s a little all over the place. he’s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype

also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see he’s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. don’t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail

so now, asd:

in all honesty, most of nicky’s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when he’s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and he’s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesn’t understand them. 

the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. he’s touchy in a way they don’t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like they’re joking when they’re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that he’s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? it’s clear that they don’t really understand him and he doesn’t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; they’re each receiving different signals than they believe they’re sending out

only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. he’s interested in their lives and stories, but it’s very clear that he can’t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.

actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions. ‘how do you want me to react to this potential situation?’ ‘what are specific things that make you most comfortable?’ ‘please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?’ and i’m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers

and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. it’s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people he’s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and i’m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i can’t imagine it’s something he grew up doing. there’s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why he’s a lil imperfect about it

---

now last but not least, aaron

this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit

much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think he’s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type

in all honesty, aaron’s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that he’s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. he’s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to what’s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if he’s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesn’t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, he’s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so it’s not totally apathy, he’s just,,, tuned out most of the time

and, yea, that sounds like adhd. it’s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesn’t fit with how adhd “should” look or how someone “should” act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd

addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid who’s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they don’t actually know what they’re doing, and then they’re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we don’t know too many details about aaron’s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldn’t this fit? it’s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at eden’s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)

(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)

[skorpiamynx]

I get the new age belief that no one should be responsible for fixing someone else or be the reason they change for better or worse but there are some people out there who need that push that comes in the form of someone genuinely caring about them and wanting them to be and do better and believing they can.

Billy is one of those people. I refuse to believe that he was actually racist or sexist. He genuinely cared about Max even though he didn't want to. I think his reaction and treatment of Lucas was based off 2 things:

1. The first time he ever saw the kid, Max was clearly upset about something he did or said and any halfway decent older brother would immediately take their sister's side and tell her to stay away. Now add in what he saw between his own parents growing up and it makes perfect sense why he would want her to stay the hell away from a guy that makes her feel like shit.

2. If he wasnt trying to protect Max from Lucas then he was probably trying to protect her from Neil. Neil I would 100% believe is a racist piece if shit. I dont think Billy actually got the same views from him but learned what to avoid to not piss Neil off. Whether or not you think Max knew about the abuse (and I think she did), Billy would want to do anything he could to save her from that and stopping any possible relationship before it started would be a good way to start.

Billys mother left him. Flat out and you can believe whatever you want could've happened off screen but in the show that's all we see. She left him behind with a man she knew was abusive and never looked back. The one person in the world who was supposed to love him unconditionally abandoned him, leaving him with a man who seemingly hated him, maybe even blamed him for her leaving. To protect himself from that happening again, Billy could've put a wall up to keep people out. Max, Susan, any friends or love interests.

But genuine friendship where he felt comfortable opening up or a real relationship with someone that understood he could be better and maybe wasn't as bad as he did or wanted to seem, would have been the push and reason he needed to get better.

Eleven is the only person other than his mother that showed concern or interest in him. Look at how big of an impact that had on him. Imagine if even just once someone asked if he was okay? Because I don't think he's been asked that before and never by someone who actually wanted to know.