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angellurgy · 16 days

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journal entry, may 30th 2024

i feel myself rotting from the inside. nothing brings the same joy it once did. ‘once’ being a time i can't even remember.

when i was a kid, i was free. i was alive. i know its common for trans women, we all lose something of ourselves growing up, probably. but the isolation took too much from me. it took my soul.

i used to be so cheerful, so outgoing. so uncaring of what others thought of me, so emotional. being forced into that room, a constant terror, i had nothing to leave the house for, no friends, no hope. i remember sitting on the dining room table, the only place wifi worked, from the moment i woke up to the moment my father came home, talking constantly to the only people i had, my discord ldrs, people who thought i was 16 when i was 13, people who loved me for the face i put on and who would listen to at least some of my cries.

i wish i fucking killed him. i shouldve taken that fucking knife and stabbed him over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. why was i so fucking stupid, to think me going to jail would change my life at all? everyone i know’s lives would be further improved by my utter absence of it. if i could be struck by a device that erased me from everyones memories, my friends would only be happier. mom would be happier without that breakdown. mutt would've been. all of them would. the only one who wouldnt is knives, and ive accepted that evil (selfishness) of my desire to die

it isnt some attempt at self depreciation, it is an acknowledgement of my place in this world. it may not inherently be better with my absence, but many people’s worlds would be.

its fucking stupid, really, what started this all on. my envy of those with more, my desire for a dad which i knew would never come to fruition, my desire for a family in general, my gradual loss of friendliness with my irl isolation alongside all of it, my failed attempts to make myself message mutuals like dadsmell or femboytorturer (especially stupid, i barely know her, but still. the point was in my general failure of not speaking.) then it all . spiraled. when i felt the cold that first time i was so happy that i might die. the guilt i was wracked with when i lived was so much worse than the terror i felt before it. so i hid, and tried again, and hid, until i had no choice, until i broke, talked to suffer, until i was brought to azriels.

that moment gave me an ounce of hope, hearing that i would have a friend in this city who wanted to hang out with me often and help me some too. its a shame i was a bit rude that one time in the depths of it. and its a shame he used that moment to tell people i attacked him days prior when i hadnt. i missed the show right after, the first show i was ever gonna be able to go to. we were sposed to go together. but. i dont really get to have fun like the other girls. all ive wanted for so long is to go to a show and dance, ive never danced, really. im too scared. it wouldve made so much better. idk why he. why that. had to happen, i actually felt good and tried for a day or two, until that happened.

ever since then its been worse and worse. i remember that nice puppygirl mutual who sent me puppy hugging gifs in my asks when i was sad, i remember miyoria checking in on me, after the cold of not talking for so long, after that server left me to rot. i remember getting to talk to soxy for the first time in so long. i remember trianon almost visiting, i remember us calling. i remember finally getting to dm w piper, and a lot of my favourite mutuals. i remember feeling good from all of that. the little bit of good i could. and now they're gone. the dying girls strife is too much to bear for so long- i already gave mom the worst breakdown, i wouldnt be surprised if i hurt more like this too. and yet i still love them. i guess its my fault, for letting myself fall like this. for killing myself.

when knives came, and helped me with my passport. its presence was so fucking good. but even if the passport goes through, i now have no one i care about who would even take me in, unlike before, when the offers were common. now i am rotten in the eyes of the beasts. this carcass is no good. i guess knives leaving was the nail in the coffin. that it doesn't get better. everyone forgets you, no matter what you do. youre hopeless, girl, all that you could've been is gone now. im sorry i couldnt have been a person . i rlly wanted to be and to try.

allure, you poor poor rotten girl. you were built to die, and nothing more. you were meant to be killed and feasted on. you were right when you said that this would make everything worse, you were right when you said that the world is not yours, and most sadly, you were right when you screamed out, with nothingness in your voice. was “allure” ever even real in the first place. was i? was she? you won't answer, i know you won't.

ive gained at least 200 followers on tumblr since this started. and i havent felt so alone in a long time. my attempts were less lonely than this. the few people who are left, i can barely even message often because of the crippling murderous cloud in my head, brought on by everything prior. i wish i couldve gotten a fucking chance.

i used to be, at least somewhat liked. people liked my little kink posts, i got some mutuals i could comnect w and who i thought were cool, who i rlly wanted to connect with. people thought i was cute, some people even wanted to play games w me, (thanks margo, love her) but now theres fucking. nothing. when i post online with an attempt at talking again i am left utterly hopeless.

and still, this has mostly just been my online strife. not to fucking mention the physical life, the way i have been left stranded every time ive been at a hangout, the way tgirls only think of me as ‘cute’ instead of anything actually tangibly good. not to mention the fucking uselessness of my soul and the rotten pit in my mind. im mentally ill, but in all the ways that make you a faker and an idiot and unloveable and imfuckingpossible, non existent. not real.

i miss you, my life. i miss you. i miss the little things i had, even thought i know that that isolation wouldve still killed me. a girl can only handle having all her interaction being vcing in a server of ppl who willfully ignore her for the more attractive and ‘good autistic’ ppl for so long before something snaps.

i miss you, my friends, the friends who will probably never talk to me again, the friends i havent heard from since this all began, i still miss and love. because i am ruined. god i miss them so bad. i wish i had a chance to have a life irl, hell i wish i had a chance to have a life even just on tumblr right now, but im being killed.

i cant write more. my throat has been torn and my hands have been assaulted. and my head is still dying of fog.

but i hate that im alive right now, i hate that i couldnt die yesterday. i hate that i am even here to write this, disappointing all, especially myself, especially her. fuck i miss her. all i can do now is keep trying whenever i can and let everyone give up so i will fade from memory even faster. its all i have, when no one is present.

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chompisgay4mrbeast · 3 months

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procrastinating so u guys get my hatchetverse hcs!!! (these are going to be a lot of shit i picked up from random posts that i dont remeber the ops of so sorry if u made one of these hcs and i dont credit you i love you sorry) ethan green

probably like 23? 25?

hes actually bi he told me himself

afab he/they boyflux sue me

lex is his first and only gf. he's probably had like one bf before but he loves lex sm more (simp) (malewife to her girlboss basically)

orphan sorry i dont make the rules

his dad left like immedately and his mom passed of old age when he was like 17 idk

hannah is basically his little sister. he'd die 4 her actually.

ted spankoffski

like late 20s early 30s at the most ithink

so painfully thirsty for anyone he has to be pan

amab he/him but doesnt really give a fuck

has never had a partner thats so sad. he makes up for this by constantly acting like everybody wants him. they dont. (exepct for me i love him)

doesnt really have a CRUSH on anyone speific but mark chastity is his fav to tease (sorry im a baby for holy bastard)

him and petes parents love them but theyre kinda like.. oblivious and absent. like theyre always on trips and leaving pete to live w ted

max jagerman

im not gonna list all of the teens' age theyre all 16-18

im assimilating with this one he/she pronouns amab

hes omni he told me himself pref 2 women

everybody wants him he only wants the nerd (hes just like me fr)

he isnt dead shut up shut up sHUT UP HES FINE OKAY

his dad is not good his mom died in childbirth

stephanie lauter

genderqueer. they/she/he in order of pref. also uses xe/xir idc sue me

pan thats cannon she told me xirself

does tiktok dances but really badly on purpose

the biggest simp on earth to her one guy and nobody ese

will fluster the living hell out of pete in public for fun

hates being the mayors daughter, feels alienated bcs of it

pete spankoffski

he/they afab i dont make the rules

bi if you argue youre homophobic (/J)

actually loves his big bro but acts like he doesnt bcsaude is ted hears him looking up ted he'll never hear the end of it

nickname seymour from ruth (bcause lsoh)

ex-brony

richie whateverhislastnameis

afab he/xe/nya/zap he would have so many cool neos. one of those people whos neo list is longer than the bill of rights

gay mlm yes

undertale enjoyer

nge enjoyer

discord mod in an anime server

owns several body pillows

xem and ruth have been friends since pre-k so they know eachother like the back of their hand

ruth whateverherlastnameis

afab she/they

omni large large large pref to girls. likes a few boys sorta

biggest theatre kid ever but sucks at acting and singing (the curse)

got ensemble ONCE and cried at the cast list

fav show is heathers

heather m kin i dont make the rules

grace chastity

afab she/her

liked a girl once and cried for a week str8 abt going 2 hell

i dont have alot of hcs for her but i think she would like fire a large amount

not even arson wise but like

a firebug

tinky

i already made my hcs for all the LiBs' true forms so go find those if you want

all the libs dont give a fuc about pronouns call them whatever

i do he/him tho

tinky is really just a 13 yr old girl freaking out abt one specific guy (ted) and making fucked up fanfics with him (time bastard nmt)

the "youngest" of the siblings

boy jerry

i beleive that every character jon plays is related. boy jerry is pauls fucked up brother. which means hes also richies uncle

#npmd #nerdy prudes must die #ethan green #ted spankoffski #max jagerman #stephanie lauter #peter spankoffski #richie lipschitz #ruth fleming #grace chastity #tinky #boy jerry

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sflow-er · 3 months

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would kill to know more about august’s relationship with his mom like youre telling me your son gets caught for committing a crime and you still dont care enough to even come see him and see whats going on 😭 maybe im looking too much into it bc i wanna dissect him like a lab rat but really like she seems so neglectful

Hello anon! Thank you for the ask 💜

I've felt since first watching S1 that August's mother Louise really is neglectful. Let's look at the glimpses we get of her:

Erik says to Wille in S1E2 that she sent August to Hillerska shortly after his dad's suicide. Fair enough, I'm sure August wanted to go and probably lashed out at her for "not making life easier" for Carl Johan. But she seems to have essentially just left him there without any proper followup on how he was dealing with everything. His grief, their financial situation, his sudden responsibility having to take over from his father... As his mother, she should have made sure he got some help - counselling with Boris for example, but that clearly didn't happen. Based on all the issues August developed in the time leading up to canon, he has dealt with precisely none of his trauma, which also left him so very open to Erik's abuse and influence at Hillerska (as we now know).

She let August believe she would get the boarding money for him up until S1E3, only to turn up at Parents' Day and tell him to get it himself. By selling some of his father's belongings that she must have known meant everything to him. Yeah, that was probably the best and only solution, but the way she handled it was abysmal. And then she seemed surprised that August was angry and disappointed... Whereas August's reaction seemed to hint that this wasn't the first time she let him down (at least in my interpretation).

She was nowhere to be found in the aftermath of the video. August returned to Hillerska early from Christmas break, and it was plain to see he wasn't doing well at all. But we didn't get a single hint of her trying to reach out, nor did she seem all that worried when he suddenly called her weeks later and told her to buy a random horse (despite saying before that he would rather die than tap into his inheritance). She did ask why, but when he said "because I want to", she just dropped the subject.

And as you pointed out, we also didn't see her after he was caught. I'm sure we're meant to infer that August has been in touch with both her and Rickard since Rickard is representing him, but her absence from our screens or even the dialogue leaves a very specific taste. He may be 18, but he's still her son, and she should be there when he fucks up to the point of committing an actual crime. Asking what the hell he was thinking and demanding that he talk to someone about all his problems. This could've been brought up when he had to start seeing Boris after his fight with Wille, for example.

(Not to mention the missed opportunity of having her ask how he feels about having to sell Årnäs for the settlement! I will forever be bitter that this happened off camera and we didn't see August's reaction at all. It would've benefited the story on several levels to actually show his pain.)

So yeah. We could well see Louise again in the finale, but considering August still considers Sara the only person he's ever really been able to talk to... His mother definitely hasn't been there for him enough. I do not blame her for wanting to live her own life at all, especially as her marriage to Carl Johan was probably hell towards the end, but it sure seems like August is yet another example of how the adults in YR have let their children down.

#young royals #august horn of årnäs #august horn #louise horn #young royals analysis #young royals season 3 #young royals s3 #young royals s3 spoilers #young royals spoilers #yrs3 #yr s3 spoilers #yrs3 spoilers #yr s3 #yr spoilers #yr season 3 #yr season 3 spoilers #anon ask

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unlimitedhorsepower · 2 years

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my thoughts on t&b2 cour2 summarized ngl

huge massive spoilers under the cut:

(following is half copied from me telling this to people who dont know t&b lore)

im genuinely inconsolable over yuri and what happened to him.

its not even that he could or should be saved but he truly deserved something better. killing people... who cares... on-screen his murders have notably included a serial rapist for example which isnt said ig but it was a guy who only kills women he picks up at a club etc...

killing your abusive father and then going on to kill murderers and serial killers isnt a crime he had to pay for with his own life jesus christ. he was a victim in that. and i dont care hes killed people they had it coming and deserved to fucking explode.

and he dies so miserable and alone. and the truth about mr.legend didnt even come out. i guess it might, but it wasnt shown on-screen and i dont care. he never lived to see it. i cant believe it im actually just bawling.

his last scenes gratuitously consisted of his body being controlled by someone else, and before that happened his mother was shot to death. and he hallucinated his shit dad and the hallucination was like i can never be forgiven but youve followed your own sense of justice. goodbye.

yuri begged for the hallucination to not to leave him but even a hallucination of his shit dad couldnt stay to make him feel marginally better because he just didnt want to be alone.

so, alone and miserable, he bawled on the floor on top of the bloodstain where his mother was shot by the criminals who broke into his house.

and he told about his past to kotetsu&barnaby and kotetsu even himself acknowledged he said things yuri probably didnt want to hear. AND YEAH he was kind of a huge fucking dick i dont care what you had to say about mr.legend (he didnt defend him and condemned him but he was like ill definitely never be like him etc)

then in the end yuri stood alone, bleeding to death, after having given the rest of his strength to protect the protags of course, and they half-heartedly tried to convince him to come down from there. but the narrative had no kindness left for yuri whatsoever, only a dramatic moment of him breaking his mask while blood pooled around him.

so he just said hes following his own code of justice, and he earlier acknowledged its not the voice of thanatos he follows but his own voice. and then he pressed his hand on his chest and set himself on fire and jumped down.literally it was worse than if he had just died.

he burnt himself to death and literally enacted my metaphors about him being born from ashes (awful childhood, killing his father with fire) and returning to ashes once he has burned himself up. but it was literal.

and since his mother died... and only kotetsu and barnaby know his story... its so incredibly cruel and callous. he literally disappeared, like his life didnt matter, and he didnt even leave a body behind. mr.legend still has all those mythos around him, and what yuri got was to be a footnote in the line of judicial officials of sternbild and vigilantes killed in action.

im actually devastated. he never got a single piece of happiness.

one of his last interactions as yuri was kotetsu telling him that he will never become like mr.legend because he has a partner like barnaby.

how i understand his last actions is that yuri accepted hes fully alone, and will be alone, forever. he has nobody to support him like kotetsu has, and will never have it, hes too broken, too far gone.

and so, he had to die because there was no saving him. he killed himself for that, because he had no hope left. he thought he could never be forgiven, like his father could never be forgiven, but what yuri ever did was never in any way equal to being evil. to have him equated to anything mr.legend did (within the narrative) is unimaginably horrifying.

im like genuinely just crying i WISH i was joking saying that but im not. im trying to make it into a joke but i cant im just genuinely devastated.

like i know any depth i made up for ryan in my mind is my bad because i think about him way too hard but i was a little disappointed in his actions but thats whatever, my expectations were high since hes my favourite, right?

it wasnt even that bad, im just disappointed he mostly got to interact with karina which i really enjoy as well they have a funny dynamic, but i like him so im like oh! theres sooo much more to him hehe. but again, whatever, hes out there, i can imagine him doing whatever i want. he didnt contradict anything i think of him either.

but yuri... ohhh.... taking this very personally actually. i cant believe the narrative didnt give him any mercy. it was a choice they made, to have him burn up like that.

like have i somehow thought of yuri petrov way too hard?... im just devastated. he was a sympathetic character, i never have ever considered for a single moment he could DIE. and in that sort of way?

did i somehow misinterpret the entire scenario? i dont even know what i couldve misunderstood to make this better in my mind. he didnt die?.. he just uhm... went bungee jumping

like the rest of the cour i liked, there were a lot of fun parts. but i just...this is something i cant get over. it felt so incredibly cruel to him, because to me he has always been the victim.

and i thought... i dont know... that he deserved better. that he deserved to feel happiness, not die feeling thoroughly miserable and alone. i cant even reasonably focus on the parts with ryan even if hes my favourite character. i wish he had died too, for equality, idfc.

i wish LL audun had smashed his head like an egg and this was the last shot i saw of him.

everyone else can “die” and then be fine i guess uh maybe ill just choose to believe yuri somehow is fine despite losing all of his blood and burning up and falling from a great height then thats my choice. they didnt show me anything that contradicts it.

which also just reminds me nobody even remembered him after his death. i thought the last shot would have him with “true heroes” and ill be honest i was crying incredibly hard thinking about yuri but i didnt see any indication he was remembered by anyone in any way.

again, this is a deliberate choice taken by the narrative and just remains so heartless.

does anyone else agree or have some other sort of take on this?! was i simply distracted by the huge amounts of yuri petrov lore i made up in my mind so that i misunderstood half of the season and also didnt see a huge memorial set up for him or something at least.

?????

cant even enjoy anything else in the cour because of how much this bothers me. i would be glad if i just had hit my head and somehow saw a different series in my mind than what everyone else saw

#tiger and bunny #tiger and bunny spoilers #T&B2

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itsdappleagain · 1 year

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it is time for the crackle goes kiwi caper!

oh man. im so close to being caught up. hold on, stockholm, I'm coming and i WILL be on time (i hope)

thats auckland btw

notes under the cut as always

OH okay ive been saving a really old edit for this episode

you're welcome

oh opening thoughts on the episode. ummmmmm its good. i like it. only reason i would have to dislike it is i guess the sort of red crackle stuff from it but i dont hate red crackle on default so it stands as a good episode. i like the dancing and the stakes actually feel pretty high a lot of the time!

not player hacking into the russian government

ah, neal. neal the eel. he is indeed. an eel

also rhys darby is my favorite voice actor on the planet

also also autistic dr bellum real and true

YOU WILL TRY

YUHHH GET IT

neal loving puns 👍

the "coo" neal does after he escapes into the vent is the bane of my existence i hate it with a burning passion

i wonder if "project tripwire" is supposed to be an experiment left over from the cold war or something?

zack is enjoying his sandwich!

that lean over carmen's shoulder one hand on the desk one hand on his hip move shadowsan is doing is the most dad thing

top ten moments before disaster

GIRL THE 3/4 PROFILE IN CS STYLE DOESNT WORK STOP USING IT

i love that the vile harddrive is like. VILE google

CRISPY FRIED CARMEN

player: we need an electrician who knows their stuff so carmen doesnt get electrocuted to death!! the job they need done: wooo slidey thingies....ooooooo dont let it touch the line!! woooo!!

player in s1: we CANT let crackle get ANYWHERE near you he may be a SLEEPER AGENT or put you in DANGER player in s2: we cant 🥺 even bring him back to play for the good guys? 🥺🥺🥺

i guess thats probably because shadowsan confirmed that he doesnt have any memories or sleeper agent tendencies lmaoo

fun fact! graham's cafe does not in fact exist. it is a housing complex/ lookout

carmen could not have picked a more. i mean just what a cover story. obviously i get that its personal to her but imagine being an electrican and this lady who is even younger than you comes up to you and is like oh...yeah i run an international charity. for abandoned children how unaccomplished would you feel wheeze

i will never stop saying this but SAY GOODBYE OR SOMETHING PLEASE CARMEN

interesting that the "cuppa" he insists she has with him kind of sets off a shit ton of stuff for s4. if acme hadn't taken gray in they wouldnt have probably ever been able to help carmen get out of mind control, or it would have taken much longer. she wouldnt have been able to discover and destroy the robots. weird stuff

insert meme about people calling paper star tammy because of that one time she used that as a codename here. except its with player and peter

ALSO HEEY PLAYERS ACCENT FROM S1 PAID OFF...he was practicing...

where did they get that ballet which is perfectly synched up to the lights he needs to turn off

not bellum's ominous green lighting black shiny lab. so subtle

also you would think that the power station bellum draws ALL her power from would be better protected wouldnt you?

did they let crackle practice the "lights" because if they didnt- yikes that sucks and if they did- bellum's security mechanism just going haywire as he practices pjgkkjsghd

mm this scene is good

OH also. eternal bounce looping gif because mmgh that animation is good

that animation of gray adjusting the slides where he goes in like. an arc in reverse. good shit

carmen is so not normal about the electric fields i love her. i get you're supposed to be dancing but girlie just run and jump its ok

even more bouncy because i cant be stopped

I LOVE HOW BOUNCY SHE IS. LOST IN THE SAUCE (the sauce is tchaikovsky)

a nearly electrifying performance is the best way to tell your best friend you didnt just die in a really horrible way

honestly the quip about sheep is a pretty good one. neal is SO COOL his fight scenes are really fun. takes a lot of ingenuity for our mains to outdo him

also his score is SOOO COOL its like. its slithery idk how to explain it

HAHAHA SHE PROTECTED THE FACE AND HE WENT FOR HER LEGS

i love how she was just like "nah fuck this" and ran the other way

HIS "OUGH" WHEN SHE TRIES TO KICK HIM IN THE FACE DHGDJHGKD. WASNT EXPECTING THAT ONE I GUESS

she goes down really hard a couple times fighting him. you can hear after he mule kicks her against the wall that it hurt

carmen's signature move, the titty twister

that "slick" line has become a line i just repeat with the same inflection like five times a day wugewghdh

player's kiwi went a little irish there

why did he go out the back door looking for carmen if the rest of the "theater" was supposed to be the other way 😭

oh okay nevermind he's just. he just doesn't listen

gremlin bellum appreciation

gray is literally the luckiest motherfucker alive please

didnt carmen lock the door behind her also??? im so confused how did he get in

"carmen?" "sandiego" (clapping noise from the intro)

the little confused noise gray makes pls its so funny

also love how his first question is "what kind of concert hall is this" and not "why are we sprinting down a hallway"

THATS THE NIGHT THAT THE LIGHTS WENT OUT IN AUCKLAND (sick guitar) THATS THE NIGHT THAT THEY H wait a minute

so hot i love her

kill, my queen

WILHELM SCREAM!

i love the disgust and annoyance that immediately overtakes her face when neal shows up again

are we ever going to talk about how neal was trying to snap her neck or no

no? okay

it would have been really funny if that crackle rod was set to lethal

i love how she says "zackivy" as one cohesive unit

pls carmen looks so short next to cracker

sharon muthu is such a queen

love also how carmen is more concerned about gray recognizing the voice than bellum threatening to take out auckland. yes girl priorities

fantastic shot of her grinning and then getting all smirky about it. she's so hot. again

michael put his whole pussy into that scream/crikey

"it won't blow up in our faces will it?" "um just. stick your hands in there okay"

i love when cs uses "bad" colors like the red flashing warning light to indicate goodness like carmen winning

the crikeys are killing me

THE TRIPLE SHOT OF THE TRIPWIRE PROJECT BLOWING UP IS SO ICONIC

i love neal going from horrified at the explosion to looking at bellum like. what did you just say

crying over how carmen just looks at him with no expression on her face after he makes a kiwi joke

and now a series titled "OW!"

thank you

also carmen does a WHOLE FLIP when she crashes (not doing photos because its hard to see) but she goes down on her neck, does a flip, and then slides in on her stomach

wow! good thing carmen is okay after crash landing in the woods due to something going wrong with a glider flight. im sure that won't happen again, and even if it did I'm sure the consequences couldn't be that terrible!

it would have been funny if he had died on impact im just saying

maybe he did and the power of carmen saying the wrong name brought him back

if the copyright wouldnt blow them to hell and back im a thousand percent certain they would have had crackle ask if carmen was like james bond

carmen: ill explain over that coffee also carmen: explains nothing

wow look the line that jumpstarted me writing fanfiction. my first fic was a red crackle fic based off of this scene/the afterscene of acme looking at the cameras and speculations of gray joining acme. guilty ✋

carmen vaporizing on the spot and leaving graham with thousands of dollars is a vibe

yeah vile didnt lay eyes him. yep

ALRIGHT FUCK YES IM CAUGHT UP WITH CS WEEKLY!! STOCKHOLM HERE I FUCKING COME ON TIME YES BITCH MY FAVORITE EPISODE

#carmen sandiego #carmen sandiego 2019 #cs weekly #csweekly #carmen sandiego weekly

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tunawithsoysauce · 2 months

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Stuff you might wanna know :3

about ~me~

Name: Finn/Todd Henriksson

Age: 13 (2011)

Swedish, third generation Finnish

Weird

Transboy

Bisexual

👆 the main stuff. Scroll for a bit more detailed bullshit.

▪︎I LOVE MUSIC!!! I go to a music highschool, my parents are musicians and I love singing and playing french horn. Fun thing, right!?

▪︎I'M TRANS (wow!) I'm transmasc, and have been as long as I can remember (I came out at eight, I believe?) And my pronouns are he/him! I'm a boy. Only boy.

▪︎I USUALLY DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING (wha) I don't know what im doing. Most of the time. Id like to believe im kind and try to be good, but you know. It is what it is.

▪︎HAIR DYE AND ROCKS! (lmao what) i love dying my hair. And rocks. Not cool rocks. Just... rocks.

▪︎ART!!!! (YIPPIE !) I love drawing and writing and stuff like that. Very fun. Its like the only thing I do haha

▪︎NERD!!! (OFc) I love fixating on stuff. Which leads me to our next segment...

▪︎Interests (online)

The main ones AREEEE: *drumroll*

1. Doctor who! (My sister used to love it. She showed me it all and now im as big a nerd as she is.)

2. Sherlock holmes! (Or Sherlock & co. Both. Mostly just the novels. The BBC show if you make me.)

3. Good omens! Or Neil gaiman in general! (He's very cool)

Eeeeh otherwise im very obsessed with loads of stuffs. Just. Ask me if ive seen something, ill probably have.

Family!

▪︎Mum & dad! (My mum's mean sometimes. Not all the time. She can be good. She’s just... she has a diffrent way of loving.) (Dad! He's amazing. I love him.)

▪︎ main siblings! (I have two fully bio siblings. Otto, and Ruben. Otto is 6 and Ruben is 14. Otto is silly, my big brother is amazing. He's my true rolemodel :))

▪︎ half siblings (I DONT ACTUALLY CALL THEM HALF SIBLINGS)

A) -Anna!! She's the one im closest to. She’s the youngest (26) and has a cat and a fiancee (Jim.) Jim's cool. Very silly. He's also sort of a role model, for me. He's been in my life for all of it, I think? My sister had a boyfriend before that. He was very quiet. Anna is very nice and I love having sleepovers with her. She was also the one who introduced me to Doctor who!! We always have so much fun. She really likes the beatles. Don't know why I put that there. She just really likes them. Felt important.

B) Malin!! My middle big sister. She’s awesome, and She’s got a whole family. A husband (He's amazing and so so so smart i literally think he's so cool) which i think is very rad, and my neice !!! He's called Einar. He's 3. He calls me "uncle Todd" (AJSKSJJDKD)

C) My biggest brother Mattias. He's quiet, but also very awesome. His girlfriend is very nice too. She has green hairdye in her hair. :3)

▪︎FRIENDS!!!

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!

This includes:

1. Leija! We met in the beginning of fourth grade. She’s weird like me. And awesome. I love her.

2. Elsa!!! She's been my best friend all my life. Our mums know eachother. She’s kind and beautiful and always makes me happy.

3. Elvira!!! My mandatory lesbian friend. That's a joke. She’s cool. And very nice. She never speaks ill of anyone. She’s truly the kindest human ever.

4. Sofie!!! A non-binary chaos machine. I love them. They're always a joy to be around.

5. Max!!! My absolute best friend. He's amazing even though we barely met even a year ago. I visit him frequently.

5. Jack!!! (Love interest? Kind of dating?)

Side characters (wtf)

▪︎My therapist!! She's called Emma. Uh.

▪︎My father figure!!! Otto. Not to be confused with my little brother.

▪︎ My Swedish teacher!! I just think she's awesome. She’s also called Anna. Not to be confused with my sister.

▪︎ All my finnish friends! Jesus christ if I named all of the finnish blokes ive befriended id die typing.

▪︎ this random dude I met on reddit i haven't talked to for two months :D

▪︎Sofia!! A lady at my school. She’s awesome. She’s practically my step mum. She’s held me while I cried in the nurses office more than I can think.

▪︎ uhm

Hobbies!!

Mondays: french horn B)

Tuesdays: dancing!! (With Elvira:))

Wednesdays: orchestra!! (French horn)

Thursdays: TSS!! (A place you can hang out at)

Fridays: bugging my music teacher and playing drums with my bassist friend until I get kicked out!

School

As previously mentioned i go to a music school. We have music everyday. Its awesome.

I love swedish, music, art, english, french, and history.

I hate P.E, math, science and homeroom.

Bye :33

#blog #about me #all about me #yayyyyy

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puppyyboyy · 16 days

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long vent: tw: body dysphoria/dysmorphia, eating issues/food issues, weight mention, self esteem stuff, self harm mention and suicidal ideation

PLEASE. PLLEASEE dont read if you get trigged by that stuff. (targeted)

i got my hair cut and it looks.. interesting. definitely makes my face look more chubby but i probably should stop eating so much when i get emotional

i look weird, like i took a video of myself showing off cool jorts i got at a thrift store and i stared at myself for too long in the video and i really need to start working out or something

i dont look flattering when im overweight at all but im also too lazy and depressed to make an effort to look better so im just isolating myself in my room like a loser and not going out because i hate myself and its better if no one saw me!!!!!

i finished my freshman year of highschool already and in really. really. really. disappointed with myself because i was supposed to kms at 11 and overdose and be done with it but apparently my body wont let me fucking die, at this point im hoping i die from some crazy genetic thing or get in a car crash and i just die quickly or some shit. i really hope i can die soon and i wont have to deal with any of this anymore and all the things in my head will be quiet, that actually sounds really corny but im so serious my head is always racing with sounds or thoughts unless i smoke weed or cut myself so !! im a mega cornball

i talked to my dad about him being transphobic and how it's affecting me and he said he would work on it but i dont really believe him. like at all. unless he starts showing some sort of support instead of just saying he supports me and shit. like hey dad!! actions speak louder then words! he pisses me off but old cis straight white men dont change

my parents and my sister keep talking to me about college and its pissing me off also because i dont even know what i wanna do. i said i wanna be an art therapist but i dont really wanna do that much work to get all those stupid degrees and all that. its stupid and maybe ill just end up buying a gun and shooting myself in the fucking head before i get the chance to do all that because why am i even alive. like i've attempted like 15 times??? i should be dead but im not and that makes me feel so bad about myself and everything around me. also i dont like anyone and i actually hate everyone and i wanna lock myself in my room forever and never speak to anyone ever again about anything

and i have so much shit to say but its 2:30am and im really really tired so gn

#tw eating issues #vent kinda

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quettasecond · 7 months

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LC PART 1 SUMMARY

the prologue is a hint towards eis existence! shes not mentioned at all in part one as she isnt actually. introduced yet and hasnt made her way to where everything is happening, but the prologue implies her existence! it follow an unnamed girl who "reawakened" and is covered in dirt (meant to imply she. you know. dug herself out of the ground)

in chapter one, aib and her soon-to-be-dead friend, ichimi, are hanging out in a bathroom together after aib was browsing her parents personal emails. ichimi mentioned knowing someone other than aib and she had to suppress her anger. also rereading this in some lines it feels ichimi has a hint of... innocence? is that the word? that you might associate with ei, and it reminds me of weird ei-ichimi paralells that probably arent actually paralells i just dont know what other word to use. ichimi was actually named after ei (i talked about it in a different post). aib is referring to this one barely mentioned side character via surname meanwhile ichimi is calling them their given name, interesting thing about aib being more distant about. everyone i guess. and ichimi being warm and friendly

still on chapter oen sorry just a new bullet point becayse thats a lot of words there. i almost didnt realise the car situation was gonna happen in this chapter. how could i forget. talking about her parents and her relationship, aibreann said "[we] seemed less like a family and more like roommates, if you could even call [us] that". then she ran across a busy street because she was impacient, and suddenly a strange guy knocked into her (to save her from a car that was going to hit her) and asked her what her problem is. his foot got run over and aib immediately went Omg awesome gorey foot... like there were two paragraphs dedicated to aib thinking about the gore. he then picked her up to carry her to her address, aibreanm thought "i shouldnt tell a stranger my address" then did exactly that. also i remember someone i showed like just this chapter to thought this man was aibs father LOL unfortunately not

chap 2. the man introduced himself as kane. he had to tell her that her knees got scraped and were kind of bloody cuz she didnt notice. shes so aggressive(? well not exactly aggressive shes just swearing internally and rolling her eyes and stuff) and sarcastic to him. he tucked aibreann in with a blanket and is leaving blood all over the floor from walking around. he made her tea and tended to her scrapes. then he started to realise Oh fuck my foot hurts and he left. she tried to mop all the blood kane left all over the floor before her dad gets home but she fails and kind of trips and falls into the blood and her dad comes home and she gets up and limps away

i just realised this is probably gonna be kind of long lol... well no read more for you my followers must be strong enough to handle one billion words of oc stuff at once

chap 3. were immediately hit by multiple paragraphs of exposition. maybe i couldve done that better instead of having aib internally monologue about her magic bs but whatever this was written like one a 2/3rds of a year ago. now shes starting to wonder if things would be better if she was dead. two new one time side characters that just exist to be talked about once mentioned. honestly if i ever went over part 1 and rewrote part of it i might just remove these two. which luckily means i just remove a few sentences in one chapter. their "existence" was fine before but now im starting to feel these random people being mentioned fucks with what i started to build up afterwards yk. she changes into a clean uniform and mentions she usually ditches the sweatervest with hers. now shes wanting to die again

i hear my nephew outside my door i might see whats up with him goodbye to this post for now

#gurgles #lc

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lucky-starling · 11 months

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So, I was quite stupid in high school.

That's not true. A lot of the people I know say I'm really smart. I have certain, specific topics that I am really, really good at. I got like 95%-100%s on every test I *actually* studied for.

But I graduated high school with a 1.7 GPA.

I mean at least I graduated?

I was... going through a lot in high school. (I truly don't think I'll even feel sad whenever my dad does die.) It's not just that I was sad. We were poor, and i wasn't getting enough food. I was also disillusioned because he kept telling me school didn't matter and was fascist or whatever, and scared of the world he was leading me to believe laid beyond childhood, full of satanic cannibals and pedophiles. I also just could not pay attention. I dont know why. It never clicked with me that I should. Not that I was *supposed to*, I understood that, I just never saw a reason *why I should*. It didn't interest me.

I guess when I list shit out like that, it makes me feel better that I am as functioning now as I am.

Anyway. I spent all of my classes sleeping (and spent every night binging TV until 4am), socializing, or making up little stories in my head and doodling. I learned very little.

Now I'm 25, and... I want to see what I missed! In my adulthood (and newfound stability), I want to learn! I don't really have an objective, like, a college or career path, I just Want. To. Know!!! For myself! For fun?

So I am!

I didn't know where to start... probably the 4 core subjects is my best bet? There's nothing I want to specialize in..I. yet! Maybe something will grab my interest!

I've got some textbooks. I've got The Penguin History of The World, Openstax's ap Biology (I probably retained enough to start with ap at 26, haha...), The Art of Problem Solving's Algebra 1, and... no English (I was always pretty good with English)... but I've got some open source Spanish 1 text book, which I've already gotten a decent way through! (¡Puedo comer vidrio, no me hace daño!

Then I'll branch out to more specific parts of history, like certain times or countries, Geometry, Algebra 2, eventually Calculus (which I don't think I ever even took? The state I went to HS in is 49th in Education....), and introductory chemistry and physics.

And then I'll teach myself college level things!

I'll also probably delve into things like psychology, philosophy, sociology... I love, y'know, *people*.

Of course, this is very embarrassing. Two days ago, my boyfriend taught me how to multiply and divide fractions by canceling. I'm 25. That's, like, mortifying to admit.

But at least I'm doin' something about it instead of never admitting it and then continuing to not know forever!

Grifjejf. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch but. I'm really looking forward to this journey tbh. Learning is fun to me now! I want knowledge. Yay.

#murmurs

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arcanigenum · 2 years

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Wishlist/relationship ideas/scenarios:

these are just random things and ideas i’ve posted that would be fun to write somehow!!!!!!

Generic

Lowkey want a muses get stranded on an island-thread

the “going on an adventure into a cave and something is VERY wrong and oh god there are monsters here” is one of my favorite tropes

yes in unrvld there’s a nothingness out on a lake and no one knows what it actually contains, which makes sense, otherwise it wouldnt be nothingness. you cant see it. you just get inside by accident. reality ceases to exist like you know it. you cant get out.

Related to Jacques

KISS JACQUES YOU COWARDS

if you push your hand against jacques’ stomach or something, and do it hard and long enough, will his body absorb your hand after a while? (do it)

sOMEBODY BE friends with jacques pre-cancer and pre-tectus and pre-monster!jacques he gets sick and you know he’s gonna actually d i e within a couple of months but then he fucking vanishes. where is he. is he dead? probably dead, right? what else couldve happened. then he shows up like a year later and is healthy and cant talk about what has happened bc stuff is classified and he’s just like eeeeuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh well im not dying anymore?

be the person that throws every throwable thing around them at jacques because he cheated on them

Pre-established romantic relationship that is rocky and they dont really know why theyre still together when they think about it, and they complain to their friends and their friends are like WHY DONT U DUMP EM and they just safety in what is known even if it isnt perfect

Wow itd be a shame if a monster muse fucked jacques in their true monster form wow what a shame itd be 👉👈

imagine punching jacques in the face and your fist just sorta travels through the head and the flesh and bone grips it

Related to Benjamin

your muse knows him from high school or college or medschool or whatever. havent met each other since. maybe benj bullied the shit out of your muse. team up in the apoc. consider your muse having to deal with teaming with their abuser from 20 years ago who either doesnt remember them or doesnt care LOL

benj considering your muse belonging to him so he’d be willing to kill anyone who fucks with them but your muse is more capable than benj at handling themselves

Related to Egil

Egil having a bunch of “wives”/“husbands” like negan but the exchange is blood for protection

POV: egil saves you from a group of baddies in twd verse but now youre his blood slut bag. he presents you as his blood slut to others as if it was your name.

someone should stab egil in the eye like the living dead person he is. and stake him.

Egil accidentally adopting your muse means he will dad them like a 17th century aristocrat dad which isnt much dading at all, but you might be trained to act like nobility

i have yet to rp egil when his heart fucks up and he just malfunctions i guess cus he cant die from heart failure as a vampire

imagine egil taking you out on a date and you get to feed the flesh building 😔❤ you get to choose whether you want to toss bodyparts into the depths of a flesh pit before or after dinner.

your muse having some sort of weird business kind of deal with egil and his bullshit and then we take it from there :’)))

Consider Egil challenging you to a duel because you have offended him, thats how real men settle their disagreements

if egil ever needs to see some kind of papers on/from staff at tectus he will do it in german bc he’s an asshole well aware of his background. “papiere bitte!”. now imagine him doing this while carrying his whip and wearing jackboots.

Related to Morgan

anyone wanna meet morgan in a random half abandoned place where an even more random item keeps multiplying

lowkey need morgan to have a close friend or romantic partner who is a criminal bc he’d struggle a lot

just play magic the gathering with him and paint minis

Related to Haq’rhá

your muse meeting haqrha as a child and no one believes they met an alien. they meet again years later when your muse is an adult.

imagine haqrha teaming up with supernatural hunters

note to everyone wanting to fuck the alien: dont let him top unless youre predator proof or equal to his size bc he’ll kill u 🤷‍♀️

SPACE ADVENTURE BUDDIES?

Related to Jeremy

jeremy needs at least one demon friend he never exorcised for some reason. or who came back three times and the third time jeremy got tired of it and was like you know what, i cant be bothered anymore.

if jeremy has ever fallen asleep, hangover af, in the confession booth? yes

fr. jeremy marlowe might be a forbidden thirst trap but that doesnt mean you cant get him in bed haha go fulfill that priest kink i fully support this

Related to Ull

Ull; a calm guy, very chill and reasonable, actually enjoys modern society. Also Ull: SACRIFICE AN ANIMAL AND A HUMAN IN MY NAME IF YOU REALLY WANT MY HELP, MORTAL oh and dont forget my apple vodka

Related to Azazel

who wants to be possessed and terrorized by az )’: whats the point of writing a demon if it cant possess someone )’:

aesthetic: being violently dragged out of the bed by the ankle at exactly 3 AM, held by one of az’ massive, bony hands from his back. down the stairs. down through the floor. down into darkness.

az probably drags people into his mountain where it’s dark and cold and humid. his own personal hell

azazzle might be a flamboyant whiny dramaqueen dressed in silk and gold but now picture him throwing up a galil rifle and shooting up a place while laughing simply because he can- now picture him as a healing figure for ppl with mental health problems and trauma

az doesnt only devour people. he also devours animals. your pets. your cattle. your horse.

survival guide to hanging out with azazel:

- come with gifts. specifically gifts he can eat. preferably a live animal. a horse, thanks! - accept you may die at any given point. it makes it less fun to kill you. party pooper. - refer to him as angel and never demon unless you want to cease to exist. - dont mention god or other angels unless you want a crying and enraged az on your hands. - tell him no and he will throw a temper tantrum, just be prepared - consider not hanging out with him???????????? he’s the deadly sins taken to extremes???????

Related to Elliot

let elliot be the bobby to your sam & dean

anyway let elliot adopt your muse and take care of them and do tarot readings for them

Related to Vigrim

sOMEONE NEEDS TO RIDE ON VIGRIM’S BACK

be his neighbour bc he’s the weirdest neighbour ever.

#x. wishlist #long post

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woweekazow33 · 3 months

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TW: Angst, Father issues, death, su!c!d3 hintings, and there are no typing quirks used in this. There is a quirk version on my page.

Vee sat in her room, listening to her father and uncle fight. Her mother had died a couple sweeps back when she was simply a grub. Her mothers death bothered her father so much that, due to her being an exact genetic clone of her mother, made him try and bring her mother back through her. But she simply just didn’t like anything her mother seemed to at her age. Such as sweets and corsets. She didn’t like those things and would rather have sour candy or off the shoulder shirts. Although she never exactly realized the mold he was attempting to fill her into until now, hearing her uncle call him out on it. She never knew her uncle as the mature type, but she guesses she misunderstood him. She knew that she freaked them out, hell, her uncle could barely look at her sometimes. She hung her head low into her knees, waiting for the argument to die down.

Soon enough it did, she heard the door slam. She shakily got up, and went to go check out the damage done. Once she was down she saw her father kinda just brooding in the corner. It really was a kind of pathetic sight, him just sitting there head tucked in his knees.. She isn't sure if that's exactly how to explain it with his horns preventing him from looking downwards. All that matters is he’s in the corner really. She looked at his pathetic figure, arms crossing. ‘’What are you doing?’’ She asked, her tone monotone as it usually was while talking to her father.

“i- uh,, well i-’’m thinking,, about,, things.. gosh i hope we didn’t disturb you too much, Vexium..” Her eye twitched in irritation as she heard that name. That was her mothers name, not hers. Well, it was hers but she didn’t want it to be. That wasn’t going to be her name until her stupid mom died.

‘’How many times do i have to tell you! I’m not mom. I’m me! And it’s obvious that no one will be able to convince you otherwise. You wont get her back! She’s dead, dad!’’ She shouted, trying to get him to actually listen to her for once.

He sighs, leaning his head against the wall.. Well as much as he could with his stupid horns. “Fuck…...” he curses for the first time she thinks EVER(god this man is a loser). He can barely stand to look her in the eyes, or even AT HER really. Before he can really say anything else Vee decides that he’s probably just gonna say some bullshit which just makes her more upset.

‘’It’s been what.. Sixteen years? I dont think you can get her back. And forcing this onto your daughter isn’t good! Think about me! Think about who i am and not who you want me to be for your stupid fantasy of having mom back!’’ She shouted ever so slightly louder, she loved her dad as much as she could. But fuck, dude. ‘’And trust me, dad. I want mom back too, i miss her every day, but i can't do this. I cant be mom for you, i can’t just replace her so you dont have to think about the fact she’s fucking dead!’’ She sobbed out, when did she start crying? She hated crying in front of people, but if this is what it takes for him to finally listen to her then it’s what she’s willing to do.

Strnin goes into full panic mode. He didn’t want this to happen but FUCK if it wasn’t completely his fault. All of this was directly caused by him. “wait—-- don’t cry!! well,, cry if you need too??” god he sucked at this “vee…… i- i know you aren’t her..” big wet tears roll down his stupid grey cheeks.. Vee can’t even tell why he’s *actually* crying right now. “But god damn it—--” is all Vee needed to hear before she went off again.

‘’But what, dad? But what?!’’ She walked closer to him, rage fueling her bones.

“You look JUST like her,,*but* you aren’t her……” he wants so badly to just get away from this confrontation, go away and hide in a tunnel somewhere. He’s already had this fight with Rainii, he doesn’t need MORE conflict… he *wants* to be left alone, but that's obviously not going to happen. He feels overwhelmed with everything that’s happening, that‘s happened. Everything he had to comfort himself was quickly falling apart around him.

‘’Just because i look like her doesnt give you the right to MAKE me her!’’ She was standing as in front of him as she could be. Her heart hurt, she didn’t want to hurt her father but she couldn’t stand him seeing her as someone she couldn’t physically be for him. She couldn’t be what he wanted, and she didn’t know how to make that go through his head. ‘’If i could trade my life for her to be alive and here with you, i fucking would. But would she aprove of you doing this? of you changing her and your child into being her so you could ignore the fact she died? I dont think she would! And you need to get out of your fucking head and realize that, hey im leaving in a sweep! You cant keep ignoring who i am, and when i leave,’’ She paused to take a shaky breath in, trying not to cry more than she already was. ‘’And when i leave, you wont have someone to pretend is mom. You wont have somone to keep you sane, and… in all fucking honesty I’m scared of what you’ll do to yourself when i do eventually leave, dad.’’ She failed miserably and was sniffling every chance she had.

Seeing Vee cry.. Hurt. knowing that he caused that was even worse. He just wanted to make everything better. He should have BEEN better. Rainii was right. Strnin let out a shaky breath, knowing he had to be strong. He was the adult here and he needed to man up. “Vee……i’m so sorry..” he wants to hug her. He wants to so bad.. But did *she* want a hug from him..? He felt awful that he didn’t actually know. Vexium had been pretty touch averse but.. Vee wasn’t Vex. “is.. god,, you shouldn’t need to worry about me like that” he gestures to let her into his arms, not pushing anything though.

She looked at him for a moment, her lip quivering. ‘’But I cant help worrying about you, especially after moms passing.’’ She said, letting him embrace her. She hugged him back, getting her teary-ness all over his shoulder. ‘’But please dad, you need to get over mom… it’s been 16 years man..’’ She giggled, half joking with him.

“You know,, this was something that i wouldn’t have been able to do with vex..” he says, hoping that maybe that helped SOMETHING, or was at least acceptable to say.

‘’That’s a start, i guess’’ She smiled, hugging him tighter before letting go.

#angst #ao3 #homestuck #alternative #authors #books #one shot #angst with a happy ish ending #trollsona #troll oc #homestuck trolls #homestuck trollsona #homestuck sona #homestuck oc #homestuck fantroll #this is placed in the epilogues #yurrr #quirkless

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yuyu-bi · 1 year

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......where do i start.....

okay well first....this is the longest season finale ever? we kept thinking each episode was the last one but it wasn’t and we still have one more episode to go...ughhhh

gemma is the true antagonist called it bc she literally lets so much shit slide past her for the sake of keeping her family together and it kinda makes her seem like an magnet for destruction but when it’s actually bc she’s incredibly selfish and manipulative and honestly...good for her lmao even when everything is falling apart around her she somehow manages to keep everything together for the most part but not for the reasons people believe

wendy coming back and wanting to see abel is not and should not be the crime of the century i’m so sorry i do think she does have a right to at least see her son??? idk if she even wants to be involved in his life but she should at least see him? but they literally treat her like a pariah and tara literally had a mental breakdown when she talked to her for what reason??? bc she said she had a right to see her son even though tara calls him hers? no one made you take care of abel this isn’t like a ‘shameless’ situation where tara was left w abel to fend for the both of them?? you wanted to take care of him and even had a kid of your own w jax like??? and yeah tara jax AND GEMMA all deny her that which ik wont end well for her but what is the harm in letting her see the child she birthed? they act like she abandoned him purposefully but she literally went to rehab and cleaned up her like a hell of a lot better than the three of them combined she even said she probably is the most stable adult in abel’s life currently WHICH IS SO TRUE RN LMAOO this plot line is dumb and i hate it so much bc it’s actually ridiculous

gemma giving the letters to jax bc she wants clay to die is so funny to me lmao bc why are you validating your son murdering his stepdad and then being shocked when he still wants to leave charming after doing so? it’s hard keeping track of what ppl know and what they dont know about what happened this season most of the mc dont know the gemma was beat up by clay they dont even know that piney’s dead and they sure as hell dont know that clay tried to kill tara bc of the letters she had they’re completely in the wind w some of this minus tig and opie like??? they dont even know about the letters and i doubt they will for a while

lmao also there was a scene w clay and unser where like i guess he knows that unser is in love w gemma or whatever and comments that this is probs the perfect opportunity to take gemma from him and whatever and unser has literally been calculating his downfall since lmao he even told opie that clay killed piney not even a minute after discovering his dad died like wtf??? even when clay got shot i was literally hoping for him to just like say smth about that to him but sadly unser is nicer of a character than i thought :( would have been good though pettiness on this show is abundant

i love how he still does not know about tig and gemma lmaooo even left tig w gemma at some point before all this even happened idk idk idk

clay and gemma man.....is so sad that i think they’re still the best couple on this show?? i doubt they’ll even be together after all this but i do think they did actually love each other as opposed to jax and tara (who is now weirdly asking people to validate their love of her??? yikes) but lmao that scene where gemma saw clay coming out of tara’s hospital room (!!!) and tells him that opie is looking for him bc of piney and then afterwards hold his face tells him she still loves him and kisses him??? pure gold my guys gemma is truly unhinged clay’s face said it all during that scene like wtf actually lmaoo especially since she wants him to die like??? and he doesnt even know that im dead she’s great

the fbi stuff i dont care much for but i wonder why danny trejo said that otto didn’t rat out the club but he did do smth?? maybe it was just bobby idk but also juice :( hope he gets out of that situation

tig also most likely set forward the plot line for the next season w killing that girl lmaooo this is bc no one tells him what’s going on and also he felt guilty for letting clay get shot by opie bc he loves and respects him :( that whole scene w them reminded me of christopher talking to tony while he was still in the coma from also getting shot lmao there’s more to it but yeah

#soa #this is a great season honestly probs the best so far #also i just dont believe jax and tara sorry tara is literally trying to convince herself that she's so in love w jax she's willing to risk #everything even her career to be w him still #ridiculous #you act as if you can't love him outside of this environment #which you are desperately trying to escape #strange behavior

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fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy · 3 years

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Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

#tales of arcadia #rise of the titans #trollhunters #rott #rise of the titans spoilers #rott spoilers #toa #3 below #athena's own original post!#jim lake jr #claire nuñez #toby domzalski

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joyaphoria · 3 years

Text

with the flowers (8)

part eight: the chaos within

pairing: suna x f!reader

summary: if a teacher had been the one to catch suna dangling on the edge of inarizaki’s roof, he definitely would’ve been in trouble. except it wasn’t a teacher that caught him, it was you—the school whore. yea, he’s starting to wish it was a teacher.

word count: 1.2k

this is a retell of chapter six, but in y/n’s perspective the strikethroughs are supposed to be there re-read part six before reading this

directory | previous | next

one, two, three.

three hours seconds, he’s been staring at your house.

he’s not actually gonna come inside, is he? no, he thinks you house is pathetic.

he’s walking up the driveway; no now he’s on your path he’s on your path.

‘why are you here?’ “you’re here!” you stare smile at him, your eyes piercing into running along to the girl he brought with him.

more people, there’s more. run, get away. leave, go away.

“oh, and you brought—wait, is that your sister?”

it’s a stupid question. of course she’s his sister. now he thinks you’re stupid. you’re stupid you’re stupid, you’re stupid.

“my parents aren’t home right now, they thought i should bring her.” he scoffs replies.

he’s staring he’s glaring parents parents parents.

you stare at her pat her head, before closing the door moving aside to let them in.

‘you coming was already too much.’ “don’t even worry about it don’t even worry about it,” you smile.

repeating sentences is pathetic weird. shut your mouth don’t do it.

send them away, show them you aren’t one to be messed with.

“i have a little sister you can play with!” you offer her your hand, and she hesitantly takes it. “don’t touch me.”

go away, go away please. leave us alone.

“hanakooo!” don’t come downstairs, stay upstairs please. strangers, they’re strangers you shouldn’t have brought here stay upstairs don’t come down stay upstairs don’t come down-

“this is aiko and suna.”

go back upstairs.

“look after aiko for me, okay?”

don’t get to close to this girl, hana. you don’t know her.

“how old is your sister?” suna asks, following you to the kitchen.

why does it matter to him?

“none of your business” “fourteen.”

it’s quiet it’s too quiet he’s gonna think you’re overthinking the question and that you’re being rude, you have to-

ask him back.

“same as yours?”

he nods.

hanako doesn’t do well with girls her age you shouldn’t have let that girl into your house especially not secluded in a room with your sister what if that girl hurts her what if she’s rude and hurts hanako’s feelings—

you make your way up the stairs and he follows you.

“don’t follow me.”.

laugh or he’ll think that you hate him.

you laugh again, so hard that you think you might throw up.

it’s quiet again, and you want it to stay that way. you want him to leave and allow you to bask in the silence peacefully, on your own.

“why do you do it?” suna asks out of the blue, his back on your bed and his feet on the carpet, launching one of your stuffed toys into the air and catching it.

ignore him ignore him ignore him ignore him- “if you’re gonna ask a random question like that, i’m gonna need a little context, pretty boy.” you tease, jumping onto your bed and causing him to nearly fall off.

smile, smile, don’t let him pity you.

“’donate pussy for money’” he clarifies—and you want to drop dead—mocking your past statement. “why do you do it?”

‘why do you ask?’ “why do you ask?”

you weren’t supposed to say that out loud you were supposed to answer with a straight answer or else he’ll pity you he’ll think that you’re coming up with something to say because you’re pathetic and useless and—

“well i mean, you live in a perfectly stable house, your parents—” what will he say if i tell him that it’s only my mother will he pity me will he think i’m stupid will he-

“—both have jobs, you have food, i don’t get why.”

of course he doesn’t get it, no one ever gets it.

tell him to mind his own business because you’re upset laugh because you don’t want him to think you’re upset.

he watches as you burst into yet another fit of laughter, holding onto your stomach as if you were in pain because you are, it hurts, everything hurts.

“i had dont have a dad.” you nudge him. “my dad committed suicide when he was seventeen—” too soon too soon too soon, change it now.

“—you know, jumped off of inarizaki’s roof.” better, much better better, much better.

suna frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. “that isn’t funny.”

that was insensitive that hit too close to home don’t let up so easily—don’t be a pushover you pathetic whore.

“oh come on, you know it is.” you look away smirk. “i wasn’t joking though, he really did commit. he wasn’t quirky enough to jump off a roof he wasn’t quirky enough to jump off a roof, but yea, he committed.”

you almost said it twice you almost said it twice.

he’s staring at you. did you say it twice? he’s gathering his thoughts.

he’s judging you he’s processing—this is a lot to process no it isn’t.

he’s gonna keep staring if you don’t do something let him.

“you look ugly when ur serious.” you admit, squishing his cheeks together. “ease up a lil.”

that was rude, take it back. that was sily; in a weird good way.

“straightforward much?” he licks the hand closest to his mouth, and you scream shriek, tearing yanking your hands away.

“i’m just saying!” you frown giggle, wiping your hand on his shirt. “it was way before i was born anyways.”

right, you forgot to add that. now he thinks you’re a traumatized freak.

“wait, but if he committed before you were born, then hanako—”

“has a different father, pervert, male, worthless-piece-of-shit, guy, person, asshole, dad, dad, dad, but he took off a long time ago.”

and he better not come back he better not come back.

he’s not satisfied with the answer he’s not satisfied.

“i do this for her, you know?” you say, once you’ve both ended up laying side by side on your bed.

for hanako, say you do it for hanako

“for hanako. i wanna send her to a college in the us.”

it’s half true it’s the truth.

“does your mom know? like about any of it?” no she doesn’t, she wouldn’t care she’d be really upset.

“why hooking though? aren’t there better and safer options?”

because you’re used to it.

“you mean like working as a cashier?”

too many people it’s too many people they look at you and they know they know you’re filthy you’re disgusting it’s

too many people.

“yeah.”

how to justify how to justify how to-

“you’re probably right.” you shrug. “i guess i just like the attention,”

liar.

liar

“i like that people like my body, you know?”

kill yourself.

shut up

shut up.

“it’s one of my worst best traits.”

its hell, i want to get away i want to get away.

die die die die

die.

notes:

— i hope this gives a little insight into how much is going on in y/n’s head

— it’s just utter chaos and jumbled words and thoughts and things that don’t make sense and things she wants to/can’t/doesn’t know how to say; so if this was confusing or hard to understand, it’s supposed to be like that

— again, if you didn’t re-read chapter six, i recommend you do; the chapters are the same but the different perspectives change everything.

— no one would be able to last a day in her head, let alone stay sane.

taglist: @hotaruaizawa @its-the-aerieljeane @yourlocalbabybird @bakudummy @sunahyejin @satorinnie @lilith412426 @zukoslosthishonor @rintarovibes @underiwa @m01k @rinsangel @iicherrycore @kamalymaly @lmaosuna @whorefornoodles @anngelllla @ohrintarou @call-me-lulu @imeowforu @tsuksdinonugget @namyari @bakugouswh0r3 @theblueslytherin

#—joylovesyou #haikyuu #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu drabbles #suna rintarou #suna #suna x reader #suna smau #suna angst #suna comfort

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onionsaremeansstuff · 3 years

Note

Can I request a Dean fanfic? Where he and the reader broke up and the reader finds out he’s pregnant with Deans baby (yes mpreg) and a few months later Dean finds out and tries to get back together with him. The reader didn’t want to be around Dean and advoided him as much as possible but Dean is determined to prove that he is fully committed to him and their baby and won’t stop until the reader and his child are his

after weeks, i wrote it! (sorry, for the 3th time)

sorry for the implicit Cas x reader, i wrote it and just noticed it later.

anyway hope u like it!

Pairing: Dean x reader

Gender: Male

Warnings: Yandere behavior, MPreg

Summary: Dean discovered that he have a son and he will do whatever it takes to get his child and you

I dont own the character or the gif

You were walking towards the motel room door. The rain mixed with your tears as it soaked you and your backpack.

Frustration, sadness, and anger formed in your heart as you remembered what had happened a few hours ago.

How Dean had broken your heart and ruined your relationship as if your relationship was nothing to him at all.

Upon entering the motel room, you sat in front of the door, your hands on your face as you cried and thought about what you were going to do now.

What you were going to do without Dean, without your home, and without your friends.

You didn't feel that your future would be a promising one.

Weeks had gone by since you had left.

Right now, your life mainly consisted of going out to buy something to eat, head back to your motel room and watch some cliche movie.

Until one day, you woke up feeling sick to your stomach.

'It must be the crap I ate for lunch or my body just decided to punish me for just crying.' You thought, as you vomited in the bathroom toilet.

Unfortunately, this was a repeated cycle for you every day. Waking up in the morning and throwing up in the toilet.

You even thought about eating healthier food, but it didn't help the vomiting problem.

That's when you decided to call Castiel.

You knew that you shouldn't be calling him since you were probably just sick which is something that everything human goes through, but you couldn't take it any longer.

When you heard the sound of wings fluttering, you felt the angel wrap his arms around your body.

"Y/N, have you been staying here all this time? You were gone for weeks and I was worried sick about you! Every time I asked Dean where you were, he ignored me and left the room." The angel said, tightening his arms around you. He pulled back from the hug to look you in the eyes, "Why did you disappear like that?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

You looked down at the floor and let out a sigh, "It's complicated, Cas but I need your help."

"With what?"

Lately, I've been feeling sick. Every day I wake up and I've tried everything to stop the sickness, but it won't go away. So, could you maybe, cure me?"

Castiel nodded, and put two fingers against your forehead.

"What the-" Castiel muttered after removing his fingers from your forehead. You were confused by the angel's reaction. He lifted your shirt up slightly and put his hand on your belly, rubbing his hand over it.

"What are you doing, Cas?" You asked, feeling the angel's warm hand against your stomach.

"This makes no sense," He spoke in confusion as he removed his hand "This shouldn't even have been possible."

You were starting to get a little scared, "Cas, what's going on?"

"Y/N... there's a baby inside you."

You let out a laugh and punched his arm lightly, "Oh my God, Cas. You actually scared me for a second. Who taught you how to make jokes?"

This is too funny. A baby inside you? A guy? Yeah, right.

"I'm not joking around, Y/N. There's a fetus inside you."

"But, that's impossible, Cas. I don't have a uterus." You pointed out.

"There is a baby inside your stomach. I felt a baby's presence when I was healing you." Castiel sat on the bed and mumbled words under his breath before disappearing and reappearing a few seconds later with a red-haired woman you recognized all too well.

Rowena.

"What's going on here? And why did you bring me to this hotel room, angel?" The witch asked.

"We need your help." The angel said.

"Cas, what are you doing?" You asked him.

"Rowena, Y/N is pregnant and we don't know how it happened. Would you be able to find out?" The angel questioned.

"You could have just asked me for help instead of kidnapped me, angel." Rowena said, approaching you, "But, let's see what happened, shall we?"

Rowena started to speak words in a language you didn't understand while touching your stomach, "Ah, did you face a witch recently?"

"Yes, about three weeks ago."

"Did she have a red book with a fish and goat drawn on it?"

"Yes." You answered.

"I already know what happened!" The witch exclaimed, "That book is from an ancient coven that was very pure and strong, but extremely sexist. They did not accept women there." She sat down by your side, "To continue the purity of the coven they created spells to allow male pregnancy, thus maintaining the male-only lineage." She explained.

"Okay, the story is cool and all, but what would that bitch gain from making me pregnant?"

"Spells can be completely different and just have the intonation of a different letter, dear. Maybe she tried some other spell but ended up doing this one in particular accidentally."

"And how can we get rid of it?" The angel butted in, wanting to help.

"You can't. Trying to end the pregnancy would cause Y/N to immediately die."

"Great. Just fucking great. I'm alone, emotionally unstable and pregnant. Oh, this is just fucking great!" You said sarcastically, throwing yourself on the bed.

"I imagine that you would want to tell Dean the good news."

"What does Dean have to do with this? And besides, we're not together anymore." You replied, sitting up and looking up at Rowena.

"Ah, pity my dear. The spell allows you to become pregnant, but It still needs insemination, meaning the child is Dean's."

"Just great."

"Y/N," Castiel approached you, "I know you are scared and worried, but I will be by your side and will always accompany you at all times. If you want my help, of course." The angel offered, a hopeful look on his face.

You looked at the angel and the hopeful look on his face made you feel like everything was going to be okay.

"Thanks Cas. I really appreciate it."

---

During the following months of your pregnancy, Castiel remained by your side. Taking care of you and bringing what you needed.

Even bought books on pregnancy and learning how to take care of the child.

Rowena came by every month to check on you and the baby. You weren't close, but she knew what a pregnancy was like and wanted to help you, and she also wanted to know how the pregnancy spell worked, but you ignored the fact that you were her little lab rat.

When the time came, Rowena prepared the spell to take the child out of you. Fortunately everything was painless and soon the baby was sleeping in your arms.

"I'm glad everything went well," Castiel said, sitting next to you, "Have you decided on what to name him?"

You looked at Cas in confusion before it dawned on you. You had completely forgotten to think of a name for the child.

"He's a little angel." You commented, "Nothing is more fair than receiving the name of one, too. Castiel, meet Castiel Junior." You smiled at him

"M-My name? Why?" Castiel asked, fumbling over his words slightly in surprise.

"You helped me with everything, Cas. If it weren't for you nothing would have worked out the way it did, so I wanted to name him in honor of you. The super protective angel."

"Thank you so much, Y/N. I'm very honored, and I promise to always look after you both." Castiel kissed your forehead before getting up and fetching a bottle for little Castiel.

---

Five years have passed since the birth of Castiel, or Castie which is what you called him. You moved to a small town and started a new life with your child, away from hunting and monsters.

Castiel still visits you both regularly at least four times a week, honoring his promise to take care of you both and honestly, you're happy that he did. Looking after a child alone is really difficult.

It's been years since you had contact or heard from the Winchesters. Castiel just gives you news about Sam who you miss a lot.

Everything was peaceful and you were finally happy. True happiness.

---

"Are you sure this is going to be a case, Dean?" The angel questioned, "This city doesn't seem to be dangerous. Maybe we should go back."

"What's your problem with coming here, Cas?" The younger brother asked, "Ever since we told you the case was in this town you have been complaining."

"It's nothing, I just don't think there's a case he-" Castiel couldn't even finish speaking because something or someone hugged him.

"Papa Castiel!" The child said, "I missed you! Daddy won't let me eat chocolate anymore!"

Cas turned and saw Castie there. He smiled and picked up the child.

"Hello little me. I missed you too. Where's your daddy?" He asked as the child hugged him, and the brothers looked confused.

"Castiel, what the fu-" Before Dean could finish his sentence, Sam put his hand over his mouth and looked at him with a disapproving look.

"Castie! Where did you go?" The three heard a voice that sounded familiar.

"Daddy I'm here. Papa is here too!" The child yelled back, letting his dad know where he was.

You recognized Castiel's coat and soon calmed down before you saw that Dean and Sam were there, too. A lump formed in your throat as you approached them.

"Hello Y/N." Castiel and Sam greeted simultaneously as Dean just stared at you.

"Where have you been all this time, Y/N?" Sam asked and you could see that hurt look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in the last few years, Sam. I've been a little busy as you can see." You gestured to your son and picked him up.

"Yeah. I can see that, but a text message wouldn't kill, you know?" He suggested, and you gave him an apologetic look.

"That's very true. I'll remember that next time, but I'll be taking my leave now. I don't want to disturb you or anything-"

"You are friends of papa and daddy! Come to our house! I have several toys!" He exclaimed excitedly.

"Castie, they are busy now." You said.

"Oh, we're not busy right now. And a place to stay would be great." Dean spoke up for the first time since being there.

"Yay! Come on daddy, they want to see my toys!" He spoke excitedly and you found yourself giving a defeated nod. You knew that something was about to go down and you we're not prepared for it.

You each went to your cars and went to your home.

---

Dean wasn't stupid.

You left him five years ago and now you show up with a 5 year old child who has the same eye color and freckles just like him.

He didn't know how it happened, but he knew the child was his.

And knowing that you hid it from him made him more angry then he cared to admit.

---

You were at your house, Castiel and Sam we're playing with your kid while you made coffee with Dean watching you.

"Papa, can you please get me my puzzle so I can play with the giant!" Castie asked, and you smiled at Sam's bitchface.

You went to Castie's room and were looking for the puzzle when you heard the bedroom door close and turned around to see Dean standing before you.

"Are you psychotic or something? How did you do that?" He pushed you up against the wall with his hand around your throat, "Is he a clone of mine or what?"

His large hand tightened around your throat, "What are you talking about, Dean?"

"The child. He's a copy of me. Did you do any sick spells to copy me?" He questioned, anger getting stronger and stronger.

The tightness in your throat made it difficult to even answer the question.

"Dean let him go, NOW!" Castiel's deep voice came out of nowhere and pushed Dean off you, "The child was the result of a spell, but not done by Y/N himself. He was a victim of the spell." The angel explained and Dean gestured for him to keep going.

Honestly, you would have rather let Dean continue to hate you than know the truth.

"Five years ago, Y/N was hit by a witches spell. The spell was supposed to kill him, but she mispronounced it and ended up casting an old spell that allowed male pregnancy. That's what happened. It wasn't his fault." The angel explained.

Dean looked back and forth between you and Castiel and you could see pain, hatred, and sadness in his eyes.

"Leave the room, Cas. I want to talk to Y/N alone." The hunter ordered and started pushing the angel out, or at least tried to.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Cas stated firmly.

"You can go, Cas. If anything happens, I know that you're only one prayer away."

The angel looked at you hesitantly before nodding and leaving the room.

Dean closed the door and looked at you.

"We have a son and you never even thought of telling me. The child's father?!" He yelled at the top of his lungs angrily at you for not even bothering to tell him that he has a kid.

You sighed, "Look, I didn't want to see you after what happened. I was already confused and stressed out about having a damn baby inside me." You sighed again, "I really don't want you here."

He was so angry that he punched the wall and you flinched slightly, "Dammit, Y/N. He's my son for crying out loud!"

"Oh, please. Your son my ass." You scoffed bitterly, "I raised him for the past 5 years with Castiel. If he's anyone's son, it's Cas's son."

"No, Dean," You denied, "You were the one who made me leave you, or don't you remember what you said that night." You stalked forward towards Dean who stood right there in his spot, "Oh Sam, Y/N is just a temporary thing. A way to get free and easy sex. He is not who I want in my future. He is only there until I find someone I really love." You imitated his speech from that night before walking away and sitting on the bed as Dean stayed silent.

He rolled his eyes and let out a bitter laugh, "So this is it? You and Castiel? Did you leave me to be him?" That sentence through you for a loop and that made anger that you have been trying to hold in resurface

"I'm just doing what I always wanted. I got out of the hunting life and your life, and I didn't want to add a baby on top of your plate." You got up and went to the shelf, picked up the puzzle for Castie, "You can go ahead and fuck some girl in a bar, marry her and have a perfect family." You opened the door and left the room wth Dean staring at the ground in regret.

---

The rest of the day you and didn't speak to each other. He looked at you with a sad expression on his features, but you focused your attention on Sam and your son.

Cas told Sam everything that had happened in the past 5 years and he offered help if you wanted it.

Obviously, you accepted his offer and said that he could visit his nephew whenever he wanted.

You offered them the guest room and sofa for them to sleep on. As much as you didn't want to see Dean, you wanted to be able to get your relationship back with Sam.

---

The brothers solved the case in 3 days. They said goodbye and soon left after that.

During their stay, Dean was restless and always seemed to be thinking about something, but you chose to ignore it and just pretend that the conversation between you two never happened.

---

Days have gone after the Winchesters hunt. Your boss for some reason asked you to leave for a few days. They would be disinfecting the building and you weren't complaining. After all, you could have more time with your son.

Castie had been a little weird in the last few days. He was more reserved and closed off a little. You saw him laughing now and then along with talking to himself, but when you asked him he said his only reply was that it was a secret. You just assumed it was something little children went through, but with your former life, who knows.

You were in the kitchen, baking a pie.

Castie, unfortunately was just like his dad when it came to favorite foods. You just put the pie in the oven when you smelt something strange and vaguely familiar.

Freakin' sulfur.

You ran into Castie room where you saw the door was strangely closed and locked. You kicked open the door.

You ran inside and saw a woman with Castiel on her lap.

"The young child has Winchester blood inside him. He could be very useful." She turned to face you with her black eyes.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Just leave him alone, please." You pleaded.

Castiel seemed to be sleeping on her lap while she pointed a knife at his throat.

"Why should I? Winchester no-" A demon killing bullet went straight through her head before she could finish.

"Y/N!" A deep voice called out to you, but you ignored it and ran to your soon and was glad to see that he was okay.

"Y/N is everything okay?" You heard Dean ask and you nodded

"Shit, that was too close." He exclaimed.

"This is a perfect example of why I didn't want you to get too close to him. Now, he is a target. Demons and other monsters will be targeting him." You sighed.

"Y/N," Dean started, "I know this life is dangerous with everything that comes with being a hunter, but you'd be safer with me." He said and you rolled your eyes, "The bunker is the safest place on earth and-"

"I'm not going to raise my son with any connection to the supernatural world, Dean!" You exclaimed as Castie started to wake up.

"Daddy? What happened?" He asked, turning to face Dean, "Father? You came back!" He ran out of your arms and went straight to Dean's.

"Father?" You questioned.

Dean looked down at the ground as he ran his fingers through his son's hair, "I told him."

You looked at him as if you wanted to kill him, and you kinda wanted to.

In addition to putting your child's life at risk, he made his way back into your life.

"He needed to know Y/N." Dean tried to reason in with you.

"Daddy, father. You'll be together with me now, right?" He looked at you with puppy eyes

"Castie your dad and I have problems and I don't think it would be good for"

"We have problems that need to be worked out. Problems that I will overcome and I will not commit again." Dean spoke proudly, as he took Castie into his arms.

"Can we please daddy! Father told me that he lives in a fortress! It must be much nicer than our house! There must be lots of toys there!" Castie said excitedly and you wondered what toys could possibly be in a bunker.

Trying to hide things from Castie didn't work out anymore. The supernatural world wants his head on a silver platter now and you didn't know if you would be able to protect him by yourself now.

You really didn't want to go back with Dean, but the bunker is a safe place and you would do anything to keep your son safe.

You sighed, "Okay, we're going with him, Castie. Go get your things while I talk to your father, okay?"

“Okie dokie! "He happily picked up his toys as you and Dean made your way out of his room and into your room.

"Just so we're perfectly clear, I'm doing this for him. Do you understand? I don't want us to go back to being how we used to be. Let alone stay in the same room as you. Got that?"

"If that's what you want, Y/N. But, I changed, okay? I have been miserable without you. You are the light of my life, and I didn't want to admit it and pretended that you weren't important but, without you all I did was drink and-"

"You used to do that all the time when we were in a relationship together. Seems that you haven't changed as much as you thought you did." You interrupted him, leaving the room to go help your son pack.

Dean knew it wasn't going to be easy to get you back or even to trust you again. He expected it to be difficult. But, he would get there and he would win you back and would raise his son together with you.

He had no limits when it came to getting you and son to move into the bunker to be near him and to get you back into his arms.

Hell, he already hired a demon to almost kill his own son just to scare you.

But, he didn't die and now you, and Castie are safe and would be living with him.

The only thing he had to do now was get rid of that damn angel and he could finally have the perfect family he always wanted.

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