#i dont remember the last time we talked
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It's that time again
#hello friend#i dont remember the last time we talked#or rather you listened#i find myself in an odd situation#i keep having reoccuringdreams that feel like all the progress ive made has been for nothing#visions of past memories and also a future in which things stayed the same#things happening that could have happened but also would not happen#interactions with people long since past all in an effort to find some closure#i fear that this will forever mark me somehow and i will not be able to escape this#have i trapped myself? are the circumstances in my control?#to some extent i blieve they are but its so hard to force my mind one direction when it clearly has its own plans#i miss my friends so dearly#i miss what could have been#im currently on vacation and while i am having fun i cant help but feel half of a whole#i feel like i would enjoy this so much more if it were with a companion or someone i loved dearly#because promises were made long ago that never came to fruition#and now i am experiencing those things alone and feel as though ive robbed myself and her of these experiences#i find myself thinking about you once again and wondering when our paths will cross again#or if i even want that to happen#if i left for good would you turn and look?#time will tell#so many words and thoughts and not enough time to tell them all in a way thats coherent#a stream of consciousness that will find its path#i miss you#i miss all of you#i hope one day i can be at ease#everything will be okay because it has to be#this too shall pass
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does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship
#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#destiel#castiel#deancas#misha collins#im 20 i have been Experiencing supernatural and johnlock since i was 12 and merthur since wayy before that i have fought Wars#this is crazy#i love u hannibal i love u 911 (if u make eddie gay)#for the love of god by 'mostly headcanoned' i dont mean that it was never intentional#i am aware that they put the subtext in on purpose#they knew what they were doing#but my focus here is on the actor actually saying it because like#if its not mostly headcanoned then y was the entire cast denying it for years AND YEARS#like do yall not remember what jared and jenesn used to say#there have been many many many instances where the cast has made us feel crazy/stupid for saying anything abt destiel#im just saying TO ME its crazy that actors and creators talk so openly about these things now !!! again i was raised on merlin and sherlock#ok also im confused on the queerbaiting part#everyones saying its queer coding and not queer baiting but cant they be true at the same time ?#im not being dumb on purpose i swear im just confused#like yes dean is very much bi coded and their relationship is queer coded but if the creators deny everything#and we only get a last minute confession after 11 years#that doesnt count as queer baiting ?#someone smart explain this to me 🙏
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Save me french yuri... Save me
#genshin impact#arledrone#sandrone#arlecchino#haha remember when we all thought that sandrone and arlecchino would both show up in fontaine and be gay together?#good times.... good times#jk i'm ready to end it all actually#I KNOW WE HAVE LIKE ONE LAST MAJOR FRENCH PATCH BEFORE NATLAN BUT IVE JUST ABOUT LOST ALL HOPE#the way that literally every wlw arle pairing got fed so well following arle's drip marketing EXCEPT for arledrn... hate it here so bad#anyways shipping aside HOW is it possible that the frenchiest of french harbingers with heavy ties to machinery#and like two major world quests tied to specifically to her lore and is even MENTIONED of being present in fontaine#also being one of the first harbingers ever mentioned dating back all the way to the description of chode's teaser trailer#just???? doesnt show up??????#Sandy enjoyers are stronger than any us marine because my GOD are we struggling out here#anyways ignore the fact that I completely forgot to draw sandy's wind up key it was hard drawing through the tears#(actually it was cause i half-assed this doodle but we dont talk about that)
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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Good afternoon everypony!! Last night my partner and I got a little silly and rewatched the episode of PPG where Utonium and Ms. Keane start dating and ugghh....why he so FUCKING cute 😭😭💖💖
And tbhhh the reason they sorta didn't work out is cause they weren't able to balance the lives they had with their infatuation with each other (tbh if the cat argument hadn't happened when it did any ol thing would have caused them to break up methinks) and y'know...I think that's why he'd work so well with my s/i 🥺👉👈
Theyre allowed to still be their own people and have their own things even if they do become a couple! Even if they get married! They're still individuals who support their own passions as well as each other's. And they certainly don't need/want to change themselves for each other 💖💖💖
#jane journals#self insert talk#🔬 starkissed scientist 🔬#WAAAHH DONT MIND ME 🥺🥺👉👈#im remembering my thoughts from last night ajfjgk we shortly thereafter went upstairs watched silly video and passed out#and another thing is my partner mentioned that thats kinda why we work so well irl...🥺💗💖💗💖💗💖#we take being separated very well (its kinda necessary for their job)#so when we DO return its like the first time all over again. we also do a lot of paralell play!!#like. its enough to be in the same room#and thats what i think would be w my s/i and utonium >//<#also THE EP AFTER THAT UGH BLOSSOM MY POOR SWEET GIFTED CHILD 😭😭😭#i love her sm shes so me when i was younger if im being truly honest#bubbles is my favorite but blossom...i relate to ajfjf
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I know several people who like LOVE seasons 5-7 (11th doctors run) and think the storylines and moffats writing are brilliant and I don't get it!!! what am I missing??? why does literally every single episode have the exact same stakes: Rory/Amy/the doctor is dead. forever. so dead. but wait!!! what if they aren't!!! why do so many of the explanations for why they're not actually dead feel so rushed like they were added at the last minute!! why does every single queer character act kind of weird and awkward about being queer!! why does the doctor casually say that women are inferior when no one's around!!! what the fuck!! hello!!!
#why is rory continuously proving himself as the Only Man To Ever Exist only for the characters/narrative to continuously imply hes lesser#amy tries to kiss the doctor?? at her wedding??????#when amy is stuck for 36 years why is she like i forgot how much rory loved me?? GIRL HE WAITED 1000 YEARS FOR YOU???? WHAT????#he is CONSTANTLY the butt of the joke despite being unequivocally without a doubt the best character from this era#what the fuck was up with river being their kid#THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY???? WHAT?? THAT SHIT WAS WEIRD RIGHT???#does anyone else find it annoying that moffat changed the opening theme and the tardis and the sonic and the doctor ALLLL at once#and then retconned the entire storyline the early seasons are based off of??#WHY IS THE DOCTOR SO GODDAMN ANNOYING?? LIKE SO MUCH MORE ANNOYING THAN THE OTHERS#and fucking sexist!!! so sexist!!!#anyone remember the characters who were like 'were the short fat and tall skinny gay men why do we need names' LIKE HUH???????#gay people still have names steven 😭#i feel like im going insane bc i have no one else to talk to abt it until my partner catches up#but you guys still think these seasons kinda suck right? like coming off of martha and DONNA and her AMAZING storyline#these just kinda pale in comparison right??????#the last centurion is probably the last really good plot of that era imo. none of the other plots come close to having an ending that cool#like rivers story couldve been amazing and then it was just uh. kinda weird. a bit confusing IDK#i dont want to be a dick when talking to people and like shit on smth they love but i genuinely have a hard time#finding kind things to say abt a lot of this era#also and this might just be me but i do not like amy and clara v much 😭 theyre so fuckin mean and not even funny#why were martha donna and rose sooooo well written and they all have rich backstories. we know their fuckin families!!#literally its never even fully explained what the fuck happened to amys parents 😩😩 they just move on. the only friend of theirs#ever shown is fucking river??? as a kid??#am i the only one who found all thay confusing
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actually you know whose reaction I'd be really curious about, potentially coming across fourteen in the shops? Francine!
#francine jones#martha jones#the doctor#dw#doctor who#the (second?) last time they saw each other she nodded to him#and i tend to interpret that as a mix of 'thank you for talking me down' 'hey we survived hell together' and 'thank goodness#martha is coming back to us and you and i both know it's the right thing even though i know you're a fucking mess too but also pls go'#not in the sense that martha was trapped with ten but that ten maybe Could have convinced her to stay potentially#or even just that francine was afraid that ten might do so/martha could possibly choose ten over them#also just that in some ways the jones fam saw the doctor and the master being An Terrifying Other Species moreso than most#there's that relief when martha comes back like they weren't sure she'd be walking back inside#so they dont end it on Bad terms technically#but also potentially... sees fourteen and it's a trigger? sees fourteen and is afraid for martha?#sees fourteen and assumes the end of the world is coming back? sees fourteen and is just... oh... hoped id never see you again#sees fourteen and it's an awkward british 'how have things been? good. you? yeah good. got a garden now. oh that's nice'#(was francine there when martha was on that joint call -- she was wasnt she?#i cannot remember if there's any Looks between them there that indicate how she feels about ten at that point)#anyway i think francine should've been in martha's final scene i think francine was the most important part of martha's life#that symbolised the ways that ten had affected that life#and seeing how francine potentially felt after end of time would have been such a strong indicator of how that story ended there#the tenth doctor#the fourteenth doctor#doctor who spoilers#dw spoilers
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holy shit for the first time in ten years i forgot nicks birthday
#and ironically it was my friends video talking about march that clued me in#like fuck march passed and i didn't even notice it.... feels weird. very. weird.#jrnlsht#yikes he turned 40 this year#oh that makes me feel old lmao that makes me feel so old#i thought i had everything figured out when i was 25...of the two of us i was the one with the stable job that i loved#making art all day... and then staying up till 4am making art with nick#and like sadly literally not euphemistically#although those after hours set painting sessions did include some making out#he was such a mess back then#now we've swapped im the mess and he's the one with the stable job he loves#funny how life works out#i remember his 30th vividly his sister bought him this ridiculous bunch of balloons#which of course he hated#and he was forcing a smile cause he was trying to play nice and act like his life wasnt a total mess#and i just sat there giggling at him in his sisters kitchen with the balloons cause i could tell he was faking it#anyway it was fine i made it up to him with a much better present later that evening when we were alone :P#i dont think either of us ever imagined being this old#i certainly didnt#i remember the last time i touched his face a few years ago#it was the first time i realized that - oh- i could love wrinkles#bald with lines around his smile... it was still his face :)#but forgetting is a good thing#sometimes i need to let memories go and move on
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i so highly disagree with the idea that the mkulia ship name should be julikate "because a character not using their nickname with someone is a metaphor for them opening up their true self" bc like, i guess the reasoning is sound enough but not using the prefered name of a character is annoying
#not even in a “mk is nonbinary” way even though we all know mk is nonbinary. (headcanon demons sorry)#but like. i dont remember the last time i called my friends (with nicknames) their real names. it feels too legal. too official#maybe this is just bc all my friends are trans and came out w their nickname then made up more legal sounding names after lmfao#ps talks
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the thing about having a crush on a person youve met like 3 times in your whole life and every single time you met you felt like youve spent every lifetime together but you dont talk at all until your dates link up so you meet up and feel like yep we were destined to be together but then you dont speak for months and you forget about that person all together but then you see them in everyone and subconsciously try to replace them with people that resemble them in the littlest ways just to feel something but in the end you just feel frustrated and end up craving the real thing. is that. it makes you genuinely unwell
#🗞️#like most of the time i forget they even exist and i dont think about them pretty much at all#but then i remember that the last time i felt anything while talking to anyone was with them and the last time i felt anything making out#with anyone it was with them. etc etc. and im just like my god.#its like. we were destined to meet in every lifetime (threat) (derogatory) truly.#crush isnt really the right word to use here but i think its most appropriate one. shoots myself in the head
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Lmao looks like my deadbeat sperm donor finally got a job that doesn't pay him under the table. Took 31 years for him to start paying child support, but better late than never I guess.
#jacq life#good job steven#good to see hes still alive i suppose#havent talk to him in 17 years#last time i saw him was at a funeral for my great grandma on that side of the family#i dont remember the stilted conversation we had but i think he excused a lot of the never being in my life#and then my dad came to pick me uo for the weekend#the man who never signed adoption papers who never married my mom#but has always treated me like his flesh and blood#we were driving to his house for the weekend because he got my brother every other weekend#and he always took me with#and i remember taking the turn off the interstate to his exit when i decided#i didnt need to try and keep my biological father in my life. i already had a dad and he was sitting next to me
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Having a big family is too expensive. Where am I supposed to find the money for my brother's 20th, my cousin's 21st and graduation, my twin cousins turning 23, my other cousin turning 26 and having a baby all this month!! 😭
#Demon Spawn#+Extra#theres too much going on! and my mum doesnt tell me everything at once so i think i only have one purchase to worry about#and then she hits me with another one!! did you remember this? did you remember that? no i was still dealing with the last one#im sorry but siblings are prioritised then i gotta sort out my own sht if i can then afford all these other peoples things#when i dont even speak to them! then sure maybe ill get around to it but theyve all got more extravagant preferences which i cant afford 😅#most of them still live at home and dont pay rent let alone tuition i cant afford their expectations and having 4 cousin birthdays#in a month is ridiculous have you seen the price of postage? and you wanna add in graduations and a baby into it???#i probably sound like im btching about nothing to people who have a good relationship with their cousins but i never see them and even#when i do we dont talk its super awkward and we have nothing in common yet i gotta go spend money i dont have all at once on them#and i cant even say sht cus my mum arranged a 21st for me that i didnt want so they did end up getting me stuff#god i sound like such btch i just dont know these people and its stressful trying to get presents as is but so many occasions at once when#i have no clue is stressing me out right now its not that i dont want to celebrate its the sudden expenditure and the fact its not spread#out and that theres so many cus i already got 8 siblings and my mum is one of 5 and my cousins are getting older so theyre going through#milestones that require gifts too at the same time as their birthday
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i had a dream the other night where i was besties w boo seungkwan …. probably the best dream i’ve this month
#𓆩🎧𓆪 — luvhyun3radio !#we were like#in a highschool ??? like one of those fancy highshools u see in kdramas#and it was the last day of term so everyone was just watching movies in class while it was raining outside#seungkwan and i were like platonic cuddling on one of the bean bags#(yes i feel like i have to specify bc im so delulu all the time. anyways)#we were on the beanbags not rly watching the movie more just gossiping#i dont rly remember what it was i just know that the tea was piping hot and it was funny as shit#and he was warm. like SO warm. like Neo ttaemune simjangi mongmalla Like a fever fever fever fever warm#i literally asked him if he had a fever and he was like nah fam and i was like ok👍#then we kept talking and the dream ended#anyways it was super fun would be bsfs w seungkwan again if i could
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Whoever wrote the "fat funny friend" song would have loved "Είσαι το ταίρι μου"(2001) in which the fat funny woman is actually the main character who is full of confidence and the tall pretty woman is the stupid bitch who got them involved in a mess of pretending to be each other in front of the in-laws
#i just remembered that the writers had told the actress to not lose any weight during the filming#and i was listening to the song the other day so i just thought of this#like the fat funny friend had always been a stereotype in shows#meanwhile a greek series from 2001 went like fuck it we focus on personalities and gave Stella a very interesting romance in all that mess#meanwhile Vicky got together with Lazaros on the very last ep out of nowhere and after a time skip just for#'everyone ends up with someone' trope#well. at least that's my opinion. i dont understand why they got together. THE BRO CODE CMON#sugarenia thoughts#sugarenia talks#είσαι το ταίρι μου#fat funny friend#maddie zahm
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I hope people aren't bothering him at all, so far we have gotten so few fan pics and that's good. He looks so happy and relaxed like more calm? And he's a sweetheart I just hope that he can enjoy Italy without too many interruptions. Even if fans are nice and kind and talk with him he maybe wants to be unnoticed. Let's hope since things in general are more calm too he gets to enjoy his traveling and meet only nice respectful fans.
#joseph quinn#joe quinn#eddie munson#please remember he doesn't owe us anything#this is his private time#so always be nice and respectful#talk to him if he seems available#if he says no to photos respect him#please please i need him to know hes loved af but we also respect him too#italy fans dont be a disappointment like before#im looking at you weridos who last time were at his hotel and it was a horrible mess
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sorry for falling for nostalgiabaiting. does it count as nostalgia if its for a game i played like. last year. whatever
#THE GAME (oot) ISNT EVEN LIKE SUPER SPECIAL 2 ME but i played it while hanging out with my sibling so we have a Ton of inside jokes abt#random shit in that game.so im rly judt nostalgic 4 like. hanging out with my sibling DNBFJFBF#oot has sooo many issues jn it. like i appreciate some of the stuff it contributed to the series I dont appreciate the biggest thing it#contributed to the series which is the Insane amounts of racism. yk.#but ya. sry my sibling just send me a totk screenshot where they found biggorons sword and i literally felt like a fucking star wars fan#bc i went I KNOW THAT THING !! and got excited#erm wait. hold on... biggorons sword is oot rifht not mm. it must be right .. bc adult link is the only one who can use it yeah.#but wait no bc theres that forge in the snowy goron moment where you bring. NO thats for upgradingyour normie sword. Ok i understand now#it is oot then i think.#yes it is i checked. ok slay#i didnt First play oot last year i technically played and beat it likeee. years ago.. n i started mm. but i dont remember that time at all#bc it was somewhere around the dark ages. yk. i thjnk it was eithr likee. within the year preceding the zoo or the year after. whos 2 say#avtually i thinkb4 bc i talked to my dad abt mm and he was like I didnt like it ! and well i wouldnt have been talking to him if it was the#year after the zoo bc well. restraining order LMAOOOO#not ghat that stopped my mom Whatever its late so im pissy. sry.
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