#have i trapped myself? are the circumstances in my control?

[adambomb82]

It's that time again

[mewtwo24]

You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.

Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡

Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme

[reverieaa]

A change of clothes.

Man's biggest misconception is believing that manifestation is physical, that it's your job to make sure those manifestations show up.

If they don't, you're told to persist, think about it more, affirm robotically, try harder, and as a result, you end up walking in a trap of repeating and failing that many of us were victim of.

Then you tell yourself you're probably imaging it wrong, you're not affirming enough or maybe you're just not enough for your desires.

But this is NOT what loa is, not what Nevielle was teaching and not what Edward art is explaining.

When we say assume that you have your desire, we're talking about the 4d. It's only in your inner world where you can make things happen.

The law isn't about changing uour surroundings, it's about changing you because that's all there is.

I mentioned in my previous post that when I admitted to myself that I can't manifest, I felt this freedom within me, that's because I stopped forcing myself and stopped trying to find a way to make things happen.

Many of us keep the 3d alive because we're looking for an answer, but what you need to realize is thag you can't, you as the outer man, can't make a brand new face, you can't fly and you can't make things show up out of thin air.

But in your imagination you can do all of these things can't you? You can change your face, you can fly as high as you want, you can manifest in 5 sec, you can go to sleep jn New York and wake up in Paris.

That is the inner man, that is who you are, and that means you've been manifesting successfully this entire time.

The problem is not how vivildy you imagine, how much emotion you put into it, how much you affirm, it's what you pay attention to and feel to be the truth.

When people say they get results in 5sec, they do in the inner world, assumption can only live in the inner world, that's the only responsibility.

With me saying that you can't do something in this community, you'd believe it's a lie because loa bloggers always tell you there's nothing you can't do.

But you need to accept that yhe outer man is powerless, you as the outer man can do nothing, unlike the inner man.

By doing this, you let go of the 3D because the the outer man stops looking, don't tire him and leave him be.

All you can do is accept or let go.

When you wear something you don't like and you want to change, do you change your clothes to change your reflection or do you change it to change yourself?

Start with gentle reminders throughout your day that you're free to imagine what you wish, that there is no one else but you and that what you seek is never the actual object of your desires, but the feeling of it's truthfulness, it's reality.

Many of you have terrible 3D circumstances. This does not mean you ignore your 3D but you do not react to it. Just like Edward art said, you must learn how to go on about your daily life as an observer not a reactor.

Let me ask you this, you can imagine what you want and live as you want jn your mind, and sometimes you get negative or intrusive thoughts right? And what do you normally do when you have a thought like that? You notice it and let it go the next sec right? You've observed it but you didn't occupy it, you just thought of it as a stupid thought.

Why is your 3D different from that? It's not. You notice bad things in your reality all the time, but that does not mean that you occupy ot right?

Prioritize your 4D over the 3D. It takes time when you've lived your life being taught the opposite all the time, but it can surely happen.

This way, even if you spiral, you can get back up easily because you've learned that since your reality, beating yourself up when you're down is exactly what life will show back to you.

I remember reading a certain post from @aphroditeapprenticee that I related to a lot. They said that they thought once they mastered loa they would feel like the baddest bitch in the universe but now they ende dup feeling at peace, calm and in control.

I definitely feel the same way. I thought I'd feel powerful and like no one could touch me. I tried to force that on myself, but obviously, it didn't work. Instead, through the right understanding of loa, I ended up feeling right. I don't know how to explain it, but there was this sense of euphoria in the back of my mind like everything now was alright. I felt a sense of security and treated myself with a kind of gentleness I never received before.

That is because I gave myself permission and stopped a strict mental diet of checking every thought, affirming mindlesslly like a parrot ( as nevielle would put it) and blaming myself for the 3d.

Now reading about loa does not feel like work, I get excited to read loa posts from certain bloggers that helped me understand Neville's teachings.

So, to recap this post:

your only power and responsibility you have and can have is you. There is nothing you need to change or can change, but the conception of yourself. You can only accept or deny, only feel or observe.

The way you leave the 3d alone is by leaving the outer man alone. Let him be, and don't make him go around looking for something he is too limited to see.

If you're spiraling because of it, you're either using the 3D self go look or you're using imagination to change your circumstances.

Loa isn't just a tool you use and leave once you get what you want. It's a journey that requires the death of your limited self, your previous beliefs, and the bravery to face yourself.

[bananastarion]

Rambling headcanons about how Astarion's trauma could manifest in your relationship.

Disclaimer: I am not fetishizing trauma or PTSD here. I have C-PTSD myself, and have dated others with it as well. So some of this is (loosely) inspired by my own experiences. It's not pretty, it's not fun, but I'd say it's pretty realistic. So yeah, fair warning! Anyway, let's gooooo

Astarion isn't fazed by much, but he IS claustrophobic- having to claw your way out of your own coffin, being trapped in a mindflayer pod and being trapped in a tomb for a year straight would do that to anyone. If he is ever unfortunate enough to be stuck in a small space again, he'll go into a blind panic. He'll hyperventilate and try to force his way out any way he can, and if he can't get out in time he'll just completely mentally shut down for a bit. If you plan to pull him into a little broom closet for a sneaky fuck, just forget it ok? You will probably get your eyes accidentally clawed out.

There is a long period in your relationship where Astarion is gradually getting more comfortable with being vulnerable around you, but he's also very self-conscious about it. He doesn't want you to pity him or think he's weak. You will be tempted to give him lots of validation and praise to make up for all of the psychological abuse he endured, to reassure him that he's finally safe and free, and that you love him for more than just his body. That his problems won't ever drive you away, and that you don't judge him. He appreciates your words deeply, he wants and needs them more than he cares to admit. But at the same time, they completely overwhelm him. Finally being in a good place with a caring partner is such a stark contrast to what he's been through, that it forces him to see even deeper into the void inside him and recognize just how badly he was treated, how deprived he's been. They hit him hard in both good and bad ways, and sometimes he'll tell you to stop because he just can't handle feeling so much right now. It's best to stick to mostly surface level stuff and ease carefully into the deeper, more meaningful observations.

The sweeter your words, the more his mind races with fears that you are idealizing him and eventually you'll come to see him for what he really is- and then abandon him. Fears that he'll come to depend on your kindness only for it to be ripped away, whether by you or by circumstances beyond his control. Fears that you don't really mean it, that you're just manipulating him the way he did to others. Deep down he hopes and trusts you're sincere, but it's just so hard to accept when Cazador's voice is in his head, countering all of it. This is all so new to him, so unknown. And the unknown is terrifying. He gets frustrated that your kindness does this to him, he wants to be able to embrace your words, he's so impatient to heal and finally be over this shit already. He judges himself so harshly for still struggling with all this. Cazador's dead, he is free, he has someone who truly loves him- why isn't that enough?! Why can't he fully appreciate it, is he just going to feel broken forever? He worries he'll take too long to get over his past, and you'll get tired of it and leave. Expect to give him lots of reassurance about all of this.

He doesn't like to cry around you, but over time you will lower his guard enough that he'll stop fighting back the tears quite so much. Sometimes it's a bad dream, sometimes you say something that just hits him hard (even if it's in a good way), and sometimes he has no idea what triggered it. You tell him he can wake you up any time if he needs you, but often he chooses not to wake you and just suffers through it alone. When it happens while you're both awake, at first he would roll over and face away from you when the tears started flowing if he couldn't collect himself, and you'd just hug him from behind. But eventually he feels comfortable enough to bury his face in your chest and just let it all out. When it's really bad, he'll be trembling and hugging you so tightly as he sobs into your shirt that it's almost hard for you to breathe. The best thing you can do is just be there with him, stroke his hair, caress the tears off his cheeks. It can be dicey, but eventually you learn to read him well enough that sometimes stroking the scars on his back very gently can be healing for him. There are other times though, when this will be too much for him. Same goes for kissing. Also, don't even think about telling anyone you've seen him like this. But of course, why would you?

Don't go into therapist mode with him when he's that vulnerable, and if he decides to talk, just let him talk. Hold space for him and be there with him. Afterwards, help ground him in the present and reconnect him to his senses by pointing out things in the room, remind him that it's not all happening to him right now. Realize how special it is that he feels safe enough with you to be so vulnerable. There are times when he even breaks down during sex, and he'll say that he's fine and you can keep going, but it's for the best to stop what you're doing and check in instead. He often dissociates when he's triggered, and doesn't realize something is wrong until it's too late.

Trauma isn't always pretty, and there are times when it does strain your relationship. When he's really triggered, he might take it out on you. He'll try his best to push you away, and say terrible things he doesn't mean. Perhaps things Cazador said to him. His articulate manner of speech can be sharper than his blade when wielded against you in the heat of the moment. He doesn't believe you can love this side of him, that he is fundamentally broken and unlovable, so it's a test of sorts to prove his own fears. He doesn't necessarily realize what he's doing, he's just lashing out from a point of pure fear. Trauma is an explanation for this behavior, but not an excuse, so it's important you set very firm and consistent boundaries when he gets like this. He might not appreciate it in the moment, but he will once he calms down.

It takes some time for him to feel truly secure with you, but he's getting there. In the meantime, he's starting to get a little clingy and codependent. He's not used to having so much freedom, and doesn't always know what to do with himself when you're not around. Being in your presence is when he's closest to feeling safe and at ease, and being apart for too long can cause his mind to race, especially when he has nothing to distract himself with. It drives him crazy that it gets to him so much- he's never been dependent on anyone before, and this side of him surprises himself. He hates it, which only stresses him out more. He tries to play it off, but it's very obvious he is struggling with separation anxiety. You don't want to overindulge him, but to ease his fears you decide to get a pair of magical rings. You can make each other's rings glow whenever you want- so if Astarion is feeling lonely, he can make your ring glow and you can make his glow back. Sometimes, just that is enough to get him through a rough day without you. Once he has done some more healing, eventually he will come to enjoy his alone time in a way he's never gotten to before in his life, and as much as you enjoy spending time with him, you'll be so happy for him to finally have that.

[annabelle--cane]

im listening to mag again and damn do the archival crew HATE jon. listen i get it supposedly your lives would be normal if he hadn't brought you here... but he didn't? (minus og archive crew, jon requesting them and all) if anything he was just kinda there when you made decisions, bro wasn't EVEN THERE when melanie got hired like??? like how r u gonna wish him pain rn, he's ltrly sopping wet and on the verge of dying💀

like another anon I got a month or so ago, this is one of my sleeper agent trigger phrases, so this might be another marina monologue moment.

as I'm also in the middle of a (for my standards) incredibly slow relisten, I've been thinking about this topic, too, but I've been coming at it from a slightly different angle than I normally do. in tim's case, we don't get an actual look at the circumstances under which he transferred to the archives, it is theoretically possible that jon laid it on a bit thick in asking him to come with him to the department and tim wouldn't have even thought of it otherwise, but with melanie we have several scenes of her hiring and onboarding where jon is not present and she continually rebuffs people who tell her she's making a mistake, so the text very clearly sets up that her blaming jon for being trapped there doesn't make sense. and, even with tim having been requested by jon, he still had to make the ultimate decision to switch departments himself, so, yknow, what gives?

most people, I think, and myself in the past, have come at this question from a very jon-centric pov because he's the main character and it's a jon-centric show, but I think putting it down to "they lash out at him because he happens to be there and stops defending himself after a while" misses something, as does "they lash out at him because elias sets everyone up to think they have an adversarial relationship to jon." more than that, I think it's about the rejection of agency.

tma is a show that's very much About agency and choices, so it's important to keep track of where characters suddenly balk and try to offload their choices onto other agents. martin, despite being very proactive and efficient when he sets his mind to it, has a consistent habit of thinking of himself as fundamentally unimportant and unable to affect real change. jon, someone who is usually culpability_acceptor_4000, really tries to convince himself that the web made him pull statements out of strangers. and melanie and tim, on realizing that they've gotten themselves stuck in the archives, have similar reactions of trying to retroactively make those decisions jon's.

they hate being stuck there and they can't bear the idea that it might be their fault, and they don't know how to reconcile the choices they did make with the greater forces outside of their control that shape their lives. tim swings right from seeing jon as fully responsible to seeing everything as the result of cosmically inevitable bad luck, and this hits him so hard that it leads directly to his suicide. post-bullet melanie gets a better handle on it; accepting that she chose to fall further into the slaughter opens her up to accepting that she made other choices, like joining the archives, as well as accepting future choices, like quitting the archives.

and yes, in the moments where tim and melanie are most vulnerable and just starting to realize how deeply screwed they are, jon (at least from their pov) does something to make it worse. when jon tells tim that jane presntiss wasn't his fault, tim says "well you sure made me feel worse afterwards! and then everyone had to pay attention to how you were feeling to get you to stop stalking us!" when melanie goes in for a second assassination attempt on elias, elias makes jon talk her down instead of doing it himself, presumably to try and get the slaughter mark done with. neither of these are the inciting incidents for tim and melanie's situations, but they stand out. and because jon is culpability_acceptor_4000, a man who feels like the weight of the whole world is on his shoulders and is even right some of the time, the accusations stick. tim and melanie don't want anything to be their fault, jon thinks everything is his fault, and it's a bit of a vicious self-fulfilling cycle.

[vesora]

is it a real problem or are you trapped in your mind?

this one goes to my anxious girlies

the past few weeks I've been extremely trapped in my mind, ruminating whether someone would backstab me or whether a friend would leave me and of course there is no evidence of that in real life, it's all in mind. that being said, deep down i know that nothing would happen and im sure deep down you all know as well that nothing would happen. but the what ifs are so strong that you can't handle yourself practising the law.

this doesn't mean you can't manifest during this time, we always manifest, just now you can consciously manifest things you want. e.g. I wanted a psychic message from someone and I received it; I got money when I needed it; I never wait for public transport even if the app shows that it is coming in like 30 minutes (because we don't pay attention to 3d). I've noticed my anxious and extremely intrusive thoughts never manifest, especially after learning the law so I don't want you to be scared of your own mind. You, as the supreme being and consciousness ARE your mind but your mind is not you. In the grand scheme of things, the mind is unreal so what would the "3d" listen to? Some jumble of anxious fearful thoughts that do not exist except from when you aware of it or the command of God themselves?

all in your (unreal) mind:

don't punish yourself, stop harming yourself by trapping yourselves in your mind. simply drop the thought. if you find that hard, you can work on it by eliminating the possibilities but from experience, that still never makes the fear go away. the fear is so primal, so noticeable that the only way it feels it can go away for me is if I end everything and thats not good right? why would God be a victim to her character's thoughts? Why wouldn't God just change the garment?

The hardest thing is to just ACCEPT. "Just accept you have it" was the hardest thing for me to apply because soras entire life was just finding every possible solution for the worst case scenario in case people hurt her or I am seen in a way that doesn't represent her (aka being misunderstood). See how i am using her and sora to describe things I experienced? It's because I have the POWER to completely eradicate any trauma or any pain by just choosing to adorn myself in another state. I am not sora but sora is me, therefore I have control over soras experiences. You are not a victim to your circumstance, when you find the law you have the power to create your own life, you create new circumstances by adopting a new version of yourself. You are in control no matter what the unreal mind says.

breathe in, breathe out:

Excuse my language but honestly fuck the mind???? It only knows what it has learned from its surroundings and you are above the surroundings so why would you listen to such a limited thing?

Do you think if you dismiss the thoughts you won't be prepared for what you think is about to come? Do you feel you constantly have to be on defense mode protecting yourself either from physical or emotional harm?

I understand, I was the same way and sometimes I still revert back to it. However the thing is, who is creating whats about to come? YOU ARE! Don't you get it? Nothing can happen without your consent (once you accept your power of course). You are not a victim to circumstances. You are never the receiver, you are always the creator. Bask yourself in lovely states with lovely thoughts. It is okay if you do not believe it or if your body is resisting it, just please persevere. We can't let anxiety win. What is anxiety to a God?

our negative beliefs falling after we disown them:

Read this by Edward Art

[mrs-fatu]

Blossom in Summer

Chapter 1: Why me?

Paring: jey uso x Jasmine (fem!reader)

Warnings: Language, anger, confusion

WC: 2,824

Summary: Jasmine wakes up in an unfamiliar bedroom with no memory of last night. Who is this man? And why did he pick her?

As I slowly opened my eyes, the morning sun cast a warm glow across the lavish bedroom, bathing me in a soft, golden light. The silk curtains, adorned with intricate patterns, seemed to dance in the gentle breeze, and the sweet scent of dior Sauvage wafted through the air, filling my senses. But as I sat up, my head began to pound, and I was hit with a wave of confusion. Where was I? This wasn't my bedroom. The silk sheets tangled around my bare legs felt luxurious, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was a stranger in this unfamiliar surrounding.

I forced my eyes open again, taking in the room around me with a sense of disorientation. The walls were a deep, rich blue, accentuated by traditional lavalavas hanging in beautifully crafted frames. To my left stood an antique black armoire, its intricate carvings telling a story of elegance and sophistication. The plush blue rug beneath the massive four-poster bed seemed to have been imported from a far-off land, and I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud.

As I sat up, holding my throbbing head in my hands, memories of the previous night began to trickle back. The fancy cocktail bar with my friends, doing shot after shot of tequila until the night blurred into a haze. Stumbling into a swanky hotel suite afterward, though I couldn't remember exactly how I'd gotten there. Who did this room belong to? And where had they gone? The questions swirled in my mind like a whirlpool, pulling me under.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up on shaky feet, clutching the bedpost for support. My head felt like it was going to split open, and I needed to figure out what happened and get out of here. As I looked down at myself, I saw that I was still wearing the silky black dress from last night, now wrinkled and creased. It was then that I noticed something heavy on my left wrist - a tennis bracelet so bright it almost blinded me. What was it doing there?

Just as I was trying to make sense of the strange circumstances, the door on the side of the room swung open, and a tall figure emerged. He stood at 6'2", his chiseled physique on full display as he walked towards me. His ebony shorts clung to his toned thighs and waist, accentuating his inked legs and tribal tattoos that glistened against his damp skin.

His hair was styled in a seductive mullet, and his lips sported a perfect shade of color, revealing his dazzling grillz as he parted them. It was like he had stepped out of a steamy romance novel, and I felt like I was staring at a character come to life.

"Morning," he spoke, his deep voice low and husky.

I stood there in shock, unable to form words. He walked around me, opening a drawer from his dresser to pull out his clothes. My eyes followed him, mesmerized by the way his muscles flexed as he moved.

"I'm sorry, who...?" I stuttered before I could finish.

But before I could even get the words out, my stomach began to churn and I felt like I was going to vomit. I stumbled backward, but it was too late. The morning sickness washed over me, and I threw up right on the floor.

He darted towards me, concern etched on his face. "Shit, you good?" he asked as he brushed away a dangling curl from my face.

"I'm sorry...I'm..." I spoke, feeling tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

But before I could finish speaking, he ushered me towards his bed and sat me down on the edge. "Sit down," he said softly.

As he left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and emotions, I felt like my world was spinning out of control.

I just wanted to go home, to crawl back into my own bed and forget the reckless night I had just endured. But instead, I found myself in a luxurious bedroom, surrounded by the opulent trappings of a life that was not my own. A diamond tennis bracelet glinted on my wrist, a constant reminder of my foolishness. How could I have been so irresponsible, drinking so much that I ended up in this strange and unfamiliar place?

As I sat on the bed, trying to gather my thoughts, my phone began to ring. I picked it up from the nightstand, hoping for some semblance of normalcy in this chaotic situation. "Hello?" I spoke, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Girl, where the hell are you?" asked my best friend Natasha, her voice laced with concern.

"I...I don't even know," I replied, trying to gather my thoughts. "I'm with a man, and...and I threw up on his carpet, so..."

Natasha's laughter came through the phone, followed by a gasp. "Wait, is he sexy?" she asked, her tone playful.

"Um, well...he looks like he's from some kind of Pacific Island or something," I replied. "He has all these tribal tattoos and lavalavas on his wall."

Natasha's squeal of excitement was music to my ears. "Don't stop there, bitch! Tell me more! How does he look?"

I took a deep breath before launching into a detailed description of the mans handsome features. "Well, he has a short-cut mullet, and he's kinda muscular. His thighs are thick...and he has bottom grillz...and his voice is low and smooth."

Natasha's reaction was immediate. "Oh my god, Jas! You're in trouble!"

I glanced up to see him standing in the doorway, his expression unreadable. "Shit, I gotta go," I said hastily. "he's back."

"Okay, girl, let me know if you need me to pick you up," Natasha said, her voice dripping with concern. "I love you, be safe Jaz."

The line went dead as Natasha hung up, leaving me alone with him once more. I felt a sense of trepidation wash over me as he walked towards me, his eyes fixed on mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat.

-

As I stood up from the bed, I felt a sense of unease wash over me. He had just finished cleaning up the spot where I had vomited, and now his eyes were locked onto mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat. I felt a flush rise to my cheeks as I met his gaze, my mind still foggy from the previous night's excesses.

"I'm really sorry...I need to leave," I said, trying to sound apologetic as I began to step into my shoes.

His eyes darted as he stood up, his expression unreadable. "You just gonna forget about last night?" he asked, his tone laced with accusation.

I hesitated, searching for the right words to say. The truth was, I didn't remember what happened last night. It was all a blur of music, laughter, and tequila shots. But I knew that I couldn't keep it up forever, not when I had no idea what had happened or who this man was.

"I don't..." I paused, feeling a sense of embarrassment wash over me.

The man let out a huff, his expression turning annoyed. "Damn, you don't even remember," he said, his voice dripping with disappointment.

"I am very sorry," I said, trying to apologize once again. "And...the bracelet. You can have it back, I'm sorry."

I started to unhook the bracelet, feeling a sense of relief wash over me as I handed it back to him. But instead of taking it from me, he spoke up again.

"Just keep the bracelet, Jaz. I don't want it back. If you want to leave then go, the door is over there," he said, his tone hostile.

I was taken aback by his words. "I'm sure you spent hella on it," I said, trying to reason with him. "I don't want to..."

But he cut me off again. "Bruh, keep it, Jaz. I gave it to you for a reason."

His words were laced with aggression, and I felt a shiver run down my spine as I realized that he was genuinely upset with me. But why? What had happened last night?

As I stood there, feeling a sense of unease wash over me once again, he spoke up again.

"And I bet you don't even remember my name huh?" he asked, his tone dripping with disdain.

I lightly shook my head, feeling a sense of shame wash over me. How could I have forgotten someone's name?

He sucked his teeth in disgust before speaking up again. "It's Joshua, Jey Uso," he said agitatedly. The name sounded slightly familiar but not quite.

With that, I grabbed my purse and made my way towards the door. As I left the room, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over me. I had no idea what had happened last night or who Jey was or why he was so upset with me. All I knew was that I needed to get out of there before things got any worse.

-

I stood on the sidewalk of the penthouse, my head still throbbing with a dull ache. The morning sunlight was harsh, and I winced as I squinted up at the towering skyscrapers. I pulled out my phone and dialed the familiar number, hoping that my friend Tiffany would be able to come and rescue me from this situation.

As I waited for her to answer, I took a deep breath and tried to clear the fog from my mind. What had happened last night? Who was Jey Uso, and why did he seem so angry with me? And why, for that matter, had he let me keep the diamond tennis bracelet? It didn't make any sense.

The phone rang again, and Tiffany's cheerful voice answered. "Hey, what's up?"

I took a deep breath before speaking. "Hey, can you come get me? I'll send you the address."

Tiffany's voice turned serious. "Yeah, I'll see you soon. Be careful."

The line went dead, and I was left standing alone on the sidewalk, feeling like I was in a fog. Who was Jey Uso, and why had I ended up in his penthouse apartment? What had happened last night, and why did I have such a pounding headache?

-

As I stood there, trying to make sense of it all, my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car approaching approaching. It was Tiffany, looking stylish and put-together as always in her benz.

"Hey, girl, get in" she said, concern etched on her face. i stepped into her car and took a deep breath, "What happened?"

I shook my head, feeling a sense of relief wash over me as I handed her the keys. "I don't know," I said. "I don't remember anything from last night."

Tiffany's eyes widened in surprise. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "I don't know who Jey Uso is or what happened. But I need some coffee and some crackers. Like, right now."

i rubbed my temples in an attempt to alleviate the throbbing headache, my friend Tiffany's eyes lit up like a bright light bulb. "JEY USO?" she yelled in question, her voice piercing the morning air.

I winced, feeling a wave of pain wash over me. "Goddamn girl, my head," I groaned, trying to hold onto my sanity.

Tiffany's eyes sparkled with excitement. "I'm sorry, but you said his name is Jey Uso, right?" she asked, her voice filled with curiosity.

I nodded my head, feeling a sense of resignation wash over me. "Yeah, why? Then he let me keep this bracelet," I said, holding up my wrist to show her the diamond tennis bracelet.

Tiffany's reaction was immediate. She squealed like a little child, her eyes wide with excitement. "YOU STAYED WITH JEY USO AND HE GAVE YOU A TENNIS BRACELET?" she repeated, her voice rising to a near-shriek.

I palmed my face, feeling a sense of embarrassment wash over me. "My head. Please stop screaming," I begged.

Tiffany's laughter died down, and she looked at me with a mixture of amusement and concern. "Oh, girl, I'm sorry. Jey Uso is the WWE wrestler, and he's fine as hell!" she exclaimed.

I gave her a skeptical look, feeling a sense of unease. "What? Come on, you can't tell me he's not sexy. He's main event Jey Uso. And God, the way he flicks his tongue... We have to go to the supershow tonight, you gotta see him in the ring," she said.

I raised an eyebrow, feeling a sense of trepidation. "I mean, he's okay, but he was kinda rude. If going to the show will make you happy then sure. But I really need some fucking coffee," I said.

Tiffany rolled her eyes. "Fine, we'll get you coffee and then get ready for the show," she said before driving off into the morning traffic.

I couldn't help but feel a sense of confusion. Who was Jey Uso, and why did he seem so angry with me? And what had happened last night? The questions swirled in my mind like a whirlpool, refusing to be silenced.

But for now, all I could think about was getting home and getting some coffee into my system. Maybe then things would start to make sense again.

—

I knew that having a hangover wasn't the best, but coffee always seemed to come in handy.

I reached for my trusty brush and gel, and began to work my hair into a sleek, curly ponytail. The hard bristles of the brush glided effortlessly through my locks, leaving them smooth and tamed. I then moved on to my eyebrows, using a precision brow pencil to reshape them into a thin, arching shape that I preferred. The gentle strokes of the pencil seemed to calm my frazzled nerves, and I felt a sense of clarity wash over me.

With my brows in order, I turned my attention to my makeup. I carefully applied a light foundation to even out my complexion, followed by a subtle blush to give my cheeks a healthy glow. A swipe of mascara added depth and drama to my lashes, and a swipe of lip balm left my lips feeling soft and hydrated.

As I finished up my makeup routine, I stood up and surveyed my reflection. I was pleased with the results - my hair looked luscious and bouncy, and my makeup was understated yet effective. I then gathered my clothes, selecting a nice outfit that would see me through the day.

As I dressed, I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the simple pleasures in life - a hot shower, a good cup of coffee, and a fresh start. The night moonlight streaming through the window seemed to hold promise, and I felt a sense of renewed energy coursing through my veins.

I took one last look at myself in the mirror, smoothing out any wrinkles or creases in my outfit. Satisfied with the result, I headed out into the night, ready to face whatever happens.

-

As I emerged from the hotel, I was greeted by the warm night and the sound of Tiffany's horn blaring in the distance. I rushed towards the car, my mind still foggy from the lingering effects of the night before. As I slipped into the passenger seat, Tiffany flashed me a bright smile. "You look good, girl!" she exclaimed.

I smiled back, feeling a sense of gratitude for her kind words. "Thanks, you look good too," I replied, taking in her stylish outfit.

As we hit the road, Tiffany began to drive, her eyes fixed on the windshield. "Okay, so remember, we're going to see Jey tonight. I got us front row tickets, so at least cheer when he comes out, because I definitely will," she said, her voice filled with excitement.

I raised an eyebrow, feeling a sense of confusion wash over me. What was up with this man? Why did women like Tiffany drool over him so much? I mean, I got it - he was hot as hell - but I didn't understand all the hype. The traffic lights seemed to be flashing in sync with the diamond bracelet on my wrist, and all I could think about was why me? What had happened? Would it all come back to me?

As we navigated through the crowded streets of Las Vegas, my mind began to wander back to the night before. The anger in Jey's eyes as I told him I didn't remember anything was still etched in my memory. It was enough to keep me away from him, to make me realize that I didn't need another angry man in my life. Not again.

After dealing with Aaron, I had promised myself that I wouldn't dare let another angry man into my life again. And now, as I sat in the car with Tiffany, I knew that I had to keep my distance from Jey Uso. Maybe after the show, I could find him and give him the bracelet back - never look back. It would be for my own good.

As we pulled up to the venue, I took a deep breath and let my thoughts settle. I had five days left in Vegas, and I was determined to make the most of it. No more worrying about waking up in a random man's bed. No more drama or stress. Just me, myself, and a fresh start.

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

"Baba!"

Danny smiled as he toweled his hair dry. He loved hearing his little one yell from the living room of his-now thier- lair.

The circumstances of his conception were irrelevant. He loved his kiddo very much, hence the abundance of photo albums and home videos chalked full of his kid doing random stuff. The one with him in his high chair stuffing cheerios into his mouth is his favorite solely for the fact it caught him trying to stuff them up his nose a few times. Definitely something to show future dates when he's older.

His smile fell when he heard anothers voice. No one should have access to his lair. They were in the Infinite Realms for stars sake.

Rushing out of the bathroom in only his sweatpants he charged into the living room to find it filled with capes. More specifically different (largely in costume) versions of Tim Drake. Uh oh.

How did this happen?

"Baba!" He looked down at thier child who was smiling up at him from the arms of one of the younger Tims, showing off his brand new baby fang and bloody hand. Danny rushed into the kitchen to get some alcohol pads and some bravery badges, walking past the summoning circle he had on his wall and taking note of the tiny bloody handprints near the bottom of it.

Crap. That was meant to summon friends and family into the lair. His little star must have tried summoning his father.

After bandaging his kid up and kissing the area he smiled and said, "all better!" Which earned him a giggle from the one year old and an odd look from the child still holding him.

"Tim?" The vigilante looked startled, but Danny didn't give him a chance to recover, "How about you take the little one into the living room and wait with the others? I need to make myself decent before I come explain things."

The kid looked skeptical but agreed and left in that direction.

Danny made his way to his room, and after chasing out two teenage birds who somehow snuck past him into there, he finally got dressed and chased more out of his toddlers room before making it to the living room.

Feeling a room full of eyes on him he sighed and conjured more couches from the ectoplasm in his lair, ignoring some startled shouts as he sat down.

There were a lot of different Tims here. Three adults all in gear, one good two evil, about seven teens, three in gear while four in civvies. Two of the civilian ones were the boys he had caught snooping in his room for clues.

Lastly there were three boys, two in gear with one in a civilian outfit.

Thats a total of thirteen (13) Tims.

"Okay, to start off id like to apologize on behalf of my son. We didn't mean to summon any of you."

The Robin holding Danny son chimed in, "How did he summon us?"

"Kiddo is too small to properly pronounce things yet. Hence why his calling you "baba" instead of "papa"."

He ignored the surprised sounds and questions and just let that sink in before adding, "To clarify, no. None of you are actually the father."

Danny waited patiently for them to calm down and ignored more questions, "I was with an alternate version of you who turned out to be evil-ish and wanted to eliminate all superpowers from existence or something, a fact I didn't know at the time."

"Anyway, he purposely sabotaged my birth control to get me pregnant knowing I wouldn't abort. He did this knowing that when his plan started to come to fruition I'd be too far along to stop him. He had a counter to everything, even things we never told him about. I ended up having to sever the connection between this place- the Infinite Realms- and my home dimension, trapping him there with no way for him to get out and leaving me with no way to ever see my friends or family again. Questions?"

There were many.

[areyougonnabe]

for the polar history recap posts, i’m dying to know more about lillie…deeply tragic and i’ve also heard something about the nickname ‘ooze’ and i desperately need to know more about that

LILLIE 😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

denis (also spelled dennis) gascoigne lillie was born in 1884, making him 26 when the terra nova set off for antarctica. he was trained in natural sciences at cambridge (although he didn't do too well on his exams) and was appointed as the ship's biologist—meaning he did not form part of the shore party in the hut in at cape evans, but remained on board the ship during the winter, studying antarctic marine biology including whales, plankton, and deep-sea creatures like sponges (like the one pictured above). his nickname "ooze" comes from his job as biologist—ooze refers to a specific kind of biological marine sediment that got pulled up in seabed dredges which lillie would then examine.

in silas's diary on the voyage south, he describes lillie:

Lilley—"Hercules'" or "Sequins" is rather a dreamer and asserts he can remember his former existences in this world. Much fun can be got from him if handled properly.

lillie was noted by other members of the expedition to be a bit of a crackpot, asserting that he was a persian and a roman in his past lives. and more than that, possibly:

Lillie had decided that he was not the marrying type, claiming that he had evolved beyond it. In later years Scott’s young Norwegian skiing expert Tryggve Gran recounted that as they crossed the Equator on the Terra Nova Lillie had revealed that he was a woman trapped in a man’s body. ‘When I see a naked man I blush,’ he allegedly said as the others sprawled shirtless on the deck in tropical sunshine, ‘I am split and I can’t help it. Luckily I understand myself and have the control to avoid doing anything wrong.’ Gran was a notoriously unreliable source, and it is hard to imagine anyone having the courage to say that under those circumstances; but perhaps Lillie did.

(from sara wheeler's cherry)

usually i would not recommend anyone trust anything that comes out of gran's mouth, but honestly i do buy this, because, well... vibes.

anyway, on the terra nova, lillie was notable for his talent at caricature, and several of his rather hilariously cruel drawings appeared (copied by wilson) in the south polar times, including this one of birdie:

while the shore party was in antarctica, lillie spent two winters in new zealand studying whales, fossils, and anthropology:

Lillie has been fossilizing & is off next month for 5 months whaling with the Norwegians. He is looking very well & very happy and is ‘a dear little chap’ to use Scott’s expression.

—pennell's diary, may 18 1911

after returning to england, taking the long way round on board the terra nova to continue his marine research, lillie took up residence at cambridge again, alongside deb, silas, priestley, and griff, to work up the scientific results from the expedition.

lillie also spent a lot of time with atch and pennell in 1913, frequently accompanying them to dine and see theater in london. he also drew (probably on board the ship) the caricature of them as the "antarctic lovebirds":

during the war, he was a conscientious objector—a "conchie," refusing to go to the front. it was an incredibly difficult position to maintain in the face of widespread societal opposition. he found solace in a continued and deepening relationship with cherry (who was also not at the front, though in his case for health reasons) as sara wheeler describes in her biography of cherry:

Currently working as a bacteriologist for the military, Lillie had been one of the few visitors at Lamer during the bad months in the middle of 1916. They became unusually intimate (‘I should love to see your chubby cheeks again’), and after one weekend Lillie scrawled with typical irreverence in his note of thanks that, ‘It was only my body which left you, for my ultimate Reality still walks behind your Bath chair and meditates about the many paths of your lovely garden. With love.’

and god i just need to copy these entire sections from the wheeler in here because they make me want to sob:

In September 1916 he had been transferred to the pathology lab of a military hospital in Bournemouth, which he loathed (‘no nice cliffs or sea birds, only sand banks and orange peel’), and was appalled to learn the next year that Cherry was poised to become engaged to Christine Davis (‘being unconventional and as near to nature as I can get, it seems all wrong to me that you should have to tie yourself up for the sake of Society’), but he strove, generally, to be optimistic, whereas Cherry was permanently resigned to his destiny. In August 1917 Lillie returned to Lamer for a week. Writing in advance with details of his train to Hatfield, he concluded that, ‘if a motor does not turn up the wings of joy will waft me those four-and-a-half miles bag included. So don’t worry.’ They had a wonderful time together. ‘I do hope,’ Lillie wrote when he was back in horrible Bournemouth, ‘your throat and the rest of you continues to get well and worthy of the sunny spirit which I see under the label ACG.'

though things seemed to be going as well as they could for lillie, shortly before the end of the war in early 1918, he suffered a nervous breakdown and landed in the notorious bethlem mental institution, known as bedlam. he was there for three years, and cherry was barred from visiting him.

he emerged for a short period of time in 1921, seemingly recovered, and took up lecturing in biology again at cambridge, but by the end of that year had relapsed and was institutionalized again.

frank debenham, writing to expedition agent j.j. kinsey in 1927 to solicit funding for SPRI, gave him an update:

Poor old Lillie is in less happy circumstances, the last I heard of him was that he was never likely to get out of Bedlam, a rather ghastly end up for poor old "Ooze's" brilliant promise.

lillie spent the rest of his life in institutions, and lived until the age of 78, dying in 1963. that was four years after the death of his friend cherry—who, despite constant attempts, was never allowed to visit him.

per UK law, lillie's medical records will be sealed until 2063, 100 years after his death, but a post on bethlem's official blog about lillie briefly notes that he was "depressed, delusional and suicidal."

the post also notes, importantly, that his breakdown had nothing whatsoever to do with his antarctic experiences:

The content of his medical notes suggests that the state of mind that brought him to hospital was entirely unrelated to his experiences of 1910-1913. Indeed, they report that “on the whole he felt better during this time”. 

OK, let's end on a nice note. here's a picture of him having a nice time at silas's wedding (i think) with his best friends. RIP lillie, i hope your next life is going well somewhere out there right now 🥲💓

(also another good writeup on lillie with some lovely art can be found on @worstjourney's patreon here!)

[spiritualitygeek]

~ PAC: Your Mystical Mosaic ~

Where is your current energy leading you?

Disclaimer:

This pac is for entertainment purpose only. I am not liable for any actions or decisions taken or made based on the information presented in the reading. The interpretations and insights are subjective and open to individual perception. Please use your own judgment and intuition when applying the messages to your life or situation. Thank you!

Pile 1 ~ 🪄

the fool, 9op, aoc

All positive cards for you, Pile 1, which is amazing! I can clearly see you're about to embark on a new journey with a very positive and determined mindset. You're fearlessly diving into new adventures just for the thrill of it, without caring about what others think or even expect out of you. You exude a very warm and gentle energy, like someone who has faced challenges in life but hasn't let them dim their light. Your loving and joyful nature attracts people towards you, and you might find yourself being a natural healer to those in need.

Your current energy is attracting abundance, creativity, and happiness into your life. It's like a box full of blessings is on its way to you. You're manifesting your biggest desires, whether it's financial independence, glowup, specific person, or something else you deeply yearn for.

In this new journey, there's a strong possibility of finding a new love interest or forming a deep connection with a new best friend. For those not seeking romantic or platonic relationships, you could discover a new hobby or passion that brings you immense joy.

You've been seeking signs from the universe about your life purpose and career, and it seems like you're finding your true passion. Your faith in the divine timing is unwavering, and you're manifesting your dreams through pure belief.

If you're currently in the flow of life, trusting in the universe's plan, you're on the right path and a true winner. Your understanding of this concept sets you apart and leads you towards a fulfilling and abundant future.

Pile 2 🦋

the temperance, 8ow, knight-os

Okay Pile 2, you legit need to calm down/slow down. I just heard, "Hold your horses!" Your energy is everywhere.

What's the rush, love? You're running too fast as if there's a train or a flight you gotta catch. You're feeling as if you're running out of time, or that you're lacking behind. You're ambitious and it's good to be. But moving so fast and without caring to think before you act can sometimes put you in undesirable spot. It has happened with me recently and it happens almost all the time? I am quite like that myself. Sometimes, it can be out of overconfidence, other times it's anxiety. It's crucial to know the reasons and work on them.

I'm getting Mars dominant, Mars in first house or Aries/Scorpio energy. I'm a Scorpio moon and I have Mars in my first house so girl, I get you! I really do!

With the Temperance card, angels advise you to attain that balance, harmony, and modesty. You are encouraged to seek a middle ground, to balance opposing forces, and deal with circumstances carefully and composedly. In addition, it takes self-control and patience to get through life's challenges. You don't have to be so ferocious, fiesty, and overwhelmed. You're getting my point?

Also, are you juggling a lot and all on your own? You don't need to do everything on your own. Are you for real? I know you're awkward around people and you don't like asking for help but there's no loss in trying, love. There are people who are more than willing to help you. Atleast, ask them?

Lastly, I'd like to conclude with the fact that I saw the number 8 in my vision while shuffling for you and the card that came out was 8 of Wands and then I saw number 8 on my phone suddenly. So it's an 888. It can be a sign. Something you've been seeing frequently these days? Please check for the meaning of 888 angel number and decide what could it mean for you.

Pile 3 💭

8os, 5os, 5owX

Pile 3, I'm seeing you being trapped or restricted in a cage/prison, a prison you've built around yourself or have surrendered yourself, possibly due to past actions which you deem as mistakes. There's someone in your close circle of friends or family who you're mad at. For some of you, it's yourself who you're blaming! For not taking that leap of faith, or for leaving that job that offered you stability. For not being patient enough or not being careful enough. For not allowing you to be you or for not having enough freedom to try everything you wanted to.

You're feeling trapped in a cycle. A cycle that's repetitive, too mundane that you're sick of it. You want to go away to leave it all behind. You don't like the way things are. The way you are? And you're blaming them/yourself for it.

I know my words would come off harsh, but you're acting like a victim, not realising you can choose not to be one. It's not about survival, it's about existing! Life is a gift. And you're a divine being! Count your blessings instead of mishaps and you'll see a drastic change in everything, including your mindset. "Attitude of gratitude" ever heard of it?

Currently, you might be attracting situations that reflect the need to break free from self-imposed limitations and negative thought patterns. Financial problems, weakening relationships, unhappy job situation. You're aimlessly wandering for that funding for your project and so on...

You're determined, more than ever right now to go get it! But trust me anything that you start with this negativity within you, will only bring disaster in its wake. The self doubt and victimization will only bring more of it. There's things that need to be addressed. Matters that need to be resolved. Don't run away from them. Face your fears. Confront it head on! Don't avoid conflict. Be it with your own conscience or with your family/friends. The person or situation you're blaming, forgive them. Let go of them! It's nobody's fault. It doesn't have to be.

This combination of cards is your call to embrace self-empowerment, letting go of past grudges and forgiving yourself and others for past mistakes. What's done is done! Past is past for a reason. You have control over your present and future though. It's essential to confront any inner conflicts or self-doubt to find a sense of peace and clarity in your life.

The advice for you is to take a step back and reassess your current situation. Look for opportunities to release negative energy and work towards healing any emotional wounds. Embrace a more open and compassionate approach to yourself and others, as this will help attract positive and harmonious energies into your life. Remember, you have the power to overcome obstacles and create a more balanced and fulfilling future. Blaming yourself and others never helps. Trust me, I've been there!

Thank you all for taking the time to read my pac. I hope the insights resonated with you and provided some guidance. If you found this helpful, I'd be grateful if you consider following me for more spiritual content and future tarot readings. Wishing you all love, light, and positivity on your journey! ✨

- with love, Snow ❄️

Enjoyed the reading? Tip me here~

[tumblingxelian]

Trope - Disney Princess Syndrome

"Disney Princess Syndrome" is my personal name for the trope of a rich or powerful character portrayed as "Nice", "Good" or "Down to earth". Because they want to hang around "Normal/Real people" and want to be treated like a "Regular person" or otherwise does not think their phenomenal wealth makes them abnormal.

This trope/character concept is usually contrasted against another rich or powerful persons who flaunts their wealth intentionally, is aware they are rich and tends to be snooty, cocky or otherwise act in a manner that is more reflective of their phenomenal wealth.

Usually these characters are contrasted so that we like the former but hate the latter but weirdly… I often find myself either disliking both or liking the latter more. Largely cos they at least seem self aware of their circumstances and so come off as less frustratingly flippant or willfully ignorant.

Examples will be drawn from, Miraculous Ladybug.

I will largely avoid talking about how X character was raised, or trauma that might influence this behavior. But keep in mind people with bad home lives can often act out in ways that don't make them a "good" victim.

In ML, you have "Wants to be a normal boy" Adrien, "Wants to meet sincere people" Princes Ali, and "This is all so artificial" Musician Jagged Stone. They are contrasted against hotel heiress, Mayors daughter & smug about it Chloe.

Now:

Chloe's a brat, a jerk & a snob to be sure, however I still somehow find her less hypocritical or deluded than these other three because at least she seems aware of her circumstances and what they mean for her VS others. Jagged treats doing a small autograph session with the mayor like its some horrible imposition and he flips out at being expected to follow trends he deems artificial. But he also drags his literal assistant with him everywhere to manage his life, keeps a pet alligator on him at all times & can be extremely rude and demanding. But it never feels acknowledged in the same way as with Chloe, because he's 'real'. Prince Ali acts like its weird for people to try and charm or otherwise please him when assigned to give him a tour for a whole event about himself. He also seems to neglect what would be fairly typical greetings for someone of his class & position despite likely being taught them. This again ties into making him seem 'genuine' but comes off as just odd. Adrien balances it best by wanting his father to be less controlling and his father is indeed controlling. But he's also only bothered by Chloe, her parents or his fathers haughty behavior if it alienates him or people he wants to be friends with. He laughs it off or otherwise tends to ignore it with staff but is meant to be better.

This isn't to say a character 'can't' want these things, or find the trappings of wealth utterly unsatisfying. Especially children who are not themselves actually rich and exist at the whims of their parents who are often functionally immune to the law.

Its more an issue with how the trope tends to be executed. Both in terms of the "Disney Princess" who wants to be "Out there" having no self awareness of their wealth, or internal hypocrisy. With this being framed as more endearing than anything, despite often coming off as entitled or selfish by accident.

Or in how the rich jerk just ends up feeling more grounded, or accidentally becomes sympathetic because they are usually an antagonist. Thus meaning they not only have to lose, but usually are surrounded by people like themselves. Leaving the impression their behavior is less to do with having the money to get away with t and more born of mistreatment.

& that as they say is that.

[noturprobiem]

This is a part of a crossover fic I'm writing, a meeting between bingqiu

The fic will be mainly focused on hualian, but the idea is that Xie Lian, Shen Yuan and Lan Wangji are researchers and their men are supernatural entities

I will need a lot of time to finish the whole thing and this passage might change a bit, but I think it works on it's own right now. It's a bit spooky, too!

Report by: Shen Yuan

On: Entity A0518

I must start by asking you to not allow this information to leak. My report can not be seen by Shen Qingqiu, under any circumstances. If gege finds out, he will endanger himself or others in a misguided attempt to protect me, and there will be casualties. Thank you.

Several years ago I was forced to get rid of an entity, then known as F0518. It was a creature capable of creating illusions, but not trapping people inside. It used the form of a teenager and claimed to be fourteen years of age. However, it looked just like A0517, which gege spent years hunting and running from. They had some history I'm not aware of.

When the entity turned eighteen, gege became convinced that it was hiding its dangerous power and manipulating me to then use me in some nefarious plot. He had some odd ideas about its feelings for me which I won't repeat. He was going to destroy it, but I couldn't let him kill something that resembled a child so much. So I pretended to do it myself, wounding it, but making sure it can survive after a long healing process. I realize how irresponsible that was, but there is no use in disciplining me, as he found me already and will make sure that I know I made a mistake. 

Which I don't regret. He was a child.

Yesterday, I was going home late, and turned to a dark alley I know very well. I can avoid every obstacle there blindfolded, which is why I was very confused when I bumped into something. I thought it was a dog at first, but upon further inspection, it turned out to be a small child, standing in the middle of the road and crying. I crouched to ask him what happened, but the kid didn't answer, just grabbed my sleeve and started bawling. Children were always my weakness. I spent several minutes trying to calm him down. I tried sign language, but it didn't work, the kid just got scared that I was trying to shake his hand off my coat. So I scooped him up and left the alley, to at least get a good look at his face and check if he had anything to identify him by. As I walked, my heartbeat slowly gathered speed. The alley was too long. I knew it was supposed to end already, but blamed the fact that I now had a passenger for the tricks my mind played on me.

With a creeping suspicion, I turned left at the end of the alley, and I didn't know where I was anymore. I couldn't let the child feel that something went wrong, so I stubbornly kept going straight ahead. I've been through encounters like this before, they were usually just inconvenient, but not dangerous. The senior Luo Binghe made my paths to gege's house longer just to annoy him sometimes.

As you can guess, I was slowly realizing who caught me this time. It's been three years, after all. I didn't want to run, because it would scare the child, so when I saw the light, I just walked faster. I knew it was a trap, but hoped that I would at least be able to get the kid out before anything bad happened, and that could only be achieved by letting Luo Binghe have his way. He can't tolerate when things don't go as he wanted, and it might partially be my fault.

When I reached the light, the child turned his head to face me. There was something unnatural in the way he moved, in the speed and angle. He looked at me, unblinking, no expression on his face.

“Shizun,” he said. “I miss you.”

I dropped the child and made several steps back, but running was useless in the realm controlled by him. The child's body shifted, as if his bones were breaking and growing and rearranging under his skin. I took another step back, but tripped and fell. For some reason, Binghe put a blanket under me before I hit the ground.

He looked just like the senior one, standing in front of me. He was even taller than when I last saw him, which I didn't think was possible, dressed in several layers of a black old-fashioned hanfu, with long curly hair and a handsome face. Not sure if it's important. Entities aren't usually handsome, from my experience. 

The darkness around us turned into an interrogation room, which he sometimes used as a joke when I tried to ground him for something. Didn't expect this room to horrify me, but the gray walls made me feel trapped. The light was dirty and yellow, blinking from time to time, and it made my eyes hurt, the air was stuffed and dusty. The blanket stayed, though. I can't fully understand his actions, even now. 

“Aren't going to run? Good,” Binghe chuckled, leaning on the table. “Let's talk like adults, then.”

I didn't have the energy for this. Walking this much wasn't very good for a chronically ill body like mine, and I was already tired after work. So I said:

“Just kill me and we can all move on."

He threw a chair at the wall, and it shattered into pieces.

“You were the one who tried to kill me!” He screamed.

Suddenly, the illusion was broken, and I was left standing in the middle of the alley, completely alone. Nothing odd happened since then.

If I disappear, I beg you to burn this paper before gege can find it and murder everyone involved.

[sexyandhedonistic]

Neville Goddard lecture summaries

⚜️⋮ No One to Change but Self

⚜️   If ye believe not that I am He, ye shall die in your sins.

Enlightened reason is not enslaved by public opinion. It is only concerned with the truth so it asks itself another question, "But whom say ye that I am?" In other words, "Who am I?" If I am bold enough to assume that I am Christ Jesus, the answer will come back, "Thou are Christ Jesus." 

Enlightened reason: reason based on that universal truth, your assumptions. 

Public opinion: 3D circumstances

Your conception of self is not dependent on anything outside of you. The assumptions you accepted as universal truths, or facts, are not to be suppressed by your circumstances in the third dimension. You get to decide who you are and what your assumptions of the world around you look like, you declare yourself to be whoever it is you would like to be. If you ask yourself,  “Who am I?”, only you can conceptualize the answer to that question. Jesus symbolizes infinite potential, so if you are Jesus Christ, you can be anything you want to be when you neglect what you previously deemed a universal truth (fact).

"If ye believe not that I am He, ye shall die in your sins." John 8:24

To die in your sins means to remain trapped in the old story. If you refuse to accept that you are who you desire to be, if you fail to assume you are in consciousness, then you remain as you are and you die imprisoned in that limitation.

⚜️   I am the cause of all that happens to me.

I may not like what I have just heard, that I must turn to my own consciousness as the only reality, the only foundation on which all phenomena can be explained. It was easier living when I could blame another. It was much easier living when I could blame society for my ills, or point a finger across the sea. and blame another nation. It was easier living when I could blame the weather for the way I feel. But to tell me that I am the cause of all that happens to me that I am forever molding my world in harmony with my inner nature, that is more than man is willing to accept. If this is true, to whom would I go? If these are the words of eternal life, I must return to them, even though they seem so difficult to digest. When man fully understands this, he knows that public opinion does not matter, for men only tell him who he is. The behavior of men constantly tell me who I have conceived myself to be.

Accepting oneself to be the cause of all that has happened can be a difficult idea to digest and while it may feel like it imposes blame upon oneself for all that has happened, it actually proposes the beauty of control and the knowledge of the fact that we are above the circumstance rather than the other way around. Instead of allowing yourself to be rendered a victim to your unfavorable circumstances, you acknowledge yourself as the sole cause, the originator of all. When you step into the acceptance of this fact, it becomes substantially less daunting to feel like the world is against you, because the world is you. As Neville says himself, this is not something everyone will be comfortable with or even willing to accept. Since you are the cause of all, it is truly empowering to know that if you were the cause of the unfavorable, then you can also be the cause of the favorable. You do not need to continue to live in a world that is operating by/with/from your negative assumptions about it. You have the power within to change it.

It is far better to know this than to know anything else in the world. It takes courage, boundless courage, because many this night, after having heard this truth will still be inclined to blame others for their predicament. Man finds it so difficult to turn to himself, to his own consciousness as to the only reality.

⚜️   The son of perdition - the belief in loss

It is impossible for anything to be lost. In this divine economy nothing can be lost, it cannot even pass away. The little flower which has bloomed once, blooms forever. It is invisible to you here with your limited focus, but it blooms forever in the larger dimension of your being, and tomorrow you will encounter it… The son of perdition means simply the belief in loss. Son is a concept, an idea. Perdido is loss. I have only truly lost the concept of loss, for nothing can be lost. I can descend from the sphere where the thing itself now lives, and as I descend in consciousness to a lower level within myself it passes from my world. I say, "I have lost my health. I have lost my wealth. I have lost my standing in the community. I have lost faith. I have lost a thousand things." But the things in themselves, having once been real in my world, can never cease to be. They never become unreal with the passage of time. 

It doesn’t matter if you are poor, hopeless and ill, no circumstance is ever set in stone. You can never truly lose your capacity to rise from what you don’t want and turn to consciousness to claim that which you desire to be. All exists and all will continue to exist. A descent in consciousness refers to becoming conscious of something you don’t want. Although you may be conscious at the moment of something undesirable, all it takes for you to reclaim what you once had is to simply rise to the level of consciousness of you having it once more. When you ascend to a higher level of consciousness, you seek a desirable state.

⚜️   You always bear fruit in harmony with what you are.

You always bear fruit in harmony with what you are. It is the most natural thing in the world for a pear tree to bear pears, an apple tree to bear apples, and for man to mold the circumstances of his life in harmony with his inner nature… All I need do to change the fruit is to change the vine. You have no life in my world save that I am conscious of you. You are rooted in me and, like fruit, you bear witness of the vine that I am. There is no reality in the world other than your consciousness. Although you may now seem to be what you do not want to be, all you need do to change it, and to prove the change by circumstances in your world, is to quietly assume that you are that which you now want to be, and in a way you do not know you will become it.

The fruit: 3D circumstances

The vine: your self concept

Your consciousness, what you are aware of and currently accepting as a fact, will always follow your conception of self. If you want to change what you experience, you change your self concept.

Since the fruit stems from the vine, how do you change your world? By first changing your conception of self. What are you conscious of being? The circumstances in your life will answer that question.

⚜️   Your consciousness is the only true foundation in the world.

If I can deny the limitations of my birth, my environment, and the belief that I am but an extension of my family tree, and feel within myself that I am Christ, and sustain this assumption until it takes a central place and forms the habitual center of my energy, I will do the works attributed to Jesus… Any enlargement of our concept of Self involves a somewhat painful parting with strongly rooted hereditary conceptions. The ligaments are strong that hold us in the womb of conventional limitations. 

You are above the assumptions and limitations you have been confined to your whole life. Everything you once accepted to be true ceases to be true once you realize that you cannot turn to anyone or anything outside of you. You will forever fail to find something or someone to blame your problems on because you will always be both the cause and the solution. There is no other God because God is your own consciousness. All that you need in order to beautify your world is to see yourself as beautiful.

⚜️   As within, so without.

No clear conception of the origin of phenomena is possible except that consciousness is all and all is consciousness. Nothing can be evolved from man that was not potentially involved in his nature. The ideal we serve and hope to attain could never be evolved from us were it not potentially involved in our nature… It is thus to our own consciousness that we must turn as to the only reality, the only foundation on which all phenomena can be explained. We can rely absolutely on the justice of this law to give us only that which is of the nature of ourselves. To attempt to change the world before we change our concept of ourselves is to struggle against the nature of things. There can be no outer change until there is first an inner change. Everything we do, unaccompanied by a change of consciousness, is but futile readjustment of surfaces.

The circumstances of my life are too closely related to my conception of myself not to have been formed by my own spirit from some dimensionally larger storehouse of my being. If there is pain to me in these happenings, I should look within myself for the cause, for I am moved here and there and made to live in a world in harmony with my concept of myself.

⚜️   To the pure all things are pure.

No matter what is brought before the presence of beauty, it sees only beauty. Jesus was so completely identified with the lovely that He was incapable of seeing the unlovely… Heretofore I thought I could change others through effort. Now I know I cannot change another unless I first change myself. To change another within my world I must first change my concept of that other; and to do it best I change my concept of self. For it was the concept I held of self that made me see others as I did. Had I a noble, dignified concept of myself, I never could have seen the unlovely in others. I need change no man, I sanctify myself and in so doing I sanctify others. All you need do to make men and women holy in this world is to make yourself holy. You are incapable of seeing anything that is unlovely when you establish within your own mind's eye the fact that you are lovely.   

The condition of your self concept will dictate how you see the people, the world and circumstances as either good or bad, clean or unclean. People serve as messengers of your self concept, through their behavior towards you they will indicate who you are to yourself. If you desire for someone to be other than what they currently are, you must first change your conception of self and be what you would like for them to be. When you change yourself, you change others. Through consciousness, your I AMness, is how you enrich your world, there is no other way.

You will change the world only when you become the embodiment of that which you want the world to be. You have but one gift in this world that is truly yours to give and that is yourself. Unless you yourself are that which you want the world to be, you will never see it in this world. "Except ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins." John 8:24 

⚜️   Jesus and the colt.

It is recorded that Jesus told his disciples to go to the crossroads and there they would find a colt, a young colt not yet ridden by a man. To bring the colt to him and if any man ask, "Why do you take this colt?" say, "The Lord has need of it." They went to the crossroads and found the colt and did exactly as they were told. They brought the unbridled ass to Jesus and He rode it triumphantly into Jerusalem. 

In the story, you are Jesus and the colt symbolizes the mood you intend to assume. Colts, much like a feeling that is new to you, is difficult to grasp unless you are disciplined and persistent. In order to be loyal to an assumption you must be balanced, so if you look around and check to determine whether or not it is done, you will be knocked off the colt. However, if you decide to be disciplined and remain faithful to the mood with a fixed attitude of mind, feeling that it is done, you will triumph.

⚜️   If you look for excuses for failure you will always find them.

Man is always looking for some prop on which to lean. He is always looking for some excuse to justify failure. This revelation gives man no excuse for failure. His concept of himself is the cause of all the circumstances of his life. All changes must first come from within himself; and if he does not change on the outside it is because he has not changed within. But man does not like to feel that he is solely responsible for the conditions of his life.

You cannot blame another thing or another person for your own failure. As much as you may be compelled to find another outside of you to shift your blame to for comfort's sake, you cannot escape yourself, because the whole vast world is yourself pushed out.

"There is no one to change but self; that self is simply your awareness, your consciousness and the world in which it lives is determined by the concept you hold of self. It is to consciousness that we must turn as to the only reality. For there is no clear conception of the origin of phenomena except that consciousness is all and all is consciousness.

[uneducated-author]

Okay but these frames show legitimate emotion on both of their faces. Chuuya's is from Dazai directly 'provoking' him, about Chuuya's shoddy martial art skills, and Akutagawa is from Atsushi's imploring question, that doesn't he want to be strong?

And these are subtly important conversations being referenced. Strength and the types it can take has been a major theme for both Atsushi and Akutagawa, and relevant to their overall arcs and bond. Initially Akutagawa utilises strength as a way to measure whether Atsushi is worthy of being Dazai's new mentee, and then they're paired as a battle union because of how well their strengths compliment each other. Meanwhile Atsushi is driven to use and develop his strength to protect others, so that he can earn the right to live. And both of them use the other as a motivation to get stronger, not wanting to fall behind the other.

With Dazai and Chuuya, it's a little more subtle. But we see Dazai comment on Chuuya's fighting style often.

First, when they reunite in the cellar for the first time in years Chuuya says something along the lines of 'I want to fight you, and crush you along with your schemes' but Dazai later responds with 'you aren't the top martial artist in the port mafia for nothing' to which Chuuya thinks 'he's predicting my attacks' to which Dazai responds with his line of 'I know your moving, pacing and habits. How else could I have been your partner?'. Chuuya's last dialogue there is that 'You can't beat me just by predicting my moves'.

Then, when they team up to save Q. It's brief this time, but Chuuya kicks at Dazai, and Dazai bounces out of the way with a cocky remark of 'Give it up, I'm familiar with your attacks, thrust, timing etc.' and Chuuya bites back with 'If I was serious I would have decimated your skull.'

The two conversations run the same. Dazai doesn't discount Chuuya's strength as a martial artist, there's no point. He knows, and Chuuya knows that he's a phenomenal fighter. Instead, Dazai simply says that all your training is for naught, because you can't hurt Me. The threat is in being known too well. Dazai can't help but hammer it in, that You are Known by Me. And Chuuya always responds with a warning. Chuuya, who surrenders control to a beastly ability that kills indiscriminately always says 'If I am out of control, if I am serious, reading my moves will not save you'.

But here? Dazai tells Chuuya that he has a flimsy punch, that he's weak. The line feels strange in all honesty, because Dazai may use deceit, but he doesn't lie in this way. He doesn't tell Fyodor 'I deduced your location' in the cannibalism arc, he references and gives credit to Fitzgerald. He tends to win by controlling the circumstances, not bluffing. He's good at lying, but it isn't a habit, and it certainly wouldn't work on Chuuya.

So Dazai utilises this rhetoric, a weak one to provoke Chuuya. But it's interesting, because that's genuine emotion on Chuuya's face.

Both Akutagawa and Chuuya prove responsive to the external stimulus. Akutagawa even repeats Atsushi when he says 'stronger' showing evidence of internal thought. And the damning evidence.

A literal point of view shot from Akutagawa, anime exclusive. The vampires aren't puppets or drones. We know that Bram has converted humans into vampires before, and since he's ostensibly a good guy, having 'converted vampires are glorified muppets' wouldn't really work.

They're trapped. They're inside their bodies, watching themselves work for villains who killed and manipulate them, and forced to watch the people they care about suffer under their own hands.

I've seen a lot of theories of 'Chuuya wakes up and sees the blood', hell I've made some myself, but that's not the case. It's not that Chuuya will wake to a corpse. It's that he'll remember putting a bullet in one.

(unless of course Shenanigans happen and Mr Bungou Stray Dogs is Okay)

[thegoldenuzi]

Stop trying to change the world since it is only the mirror. Man’s attempt to change the world by force is as fruitless as breaking a mirror in the hope of changing his face. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself. The reflection then will be satisfactory.

Neville Goddard, Your Faith is Your Fortune

Long Post incoming lol

In this day and age social media has become increasingly more toxic. People feel they have the right to be hateful, the right to have opinions on strangers and actively tear them down. Even I have fallen into the trap of allowing people like this to distract me from my path of inner peace. It’s hard seeing people be so nasty everywhere. Sometimes you just wanna reason with them but it’s all in vain. They don’t care. They’re content with the way they are. Just today I seen two popular figures get into a misunderstanding. The way fans rushed to tear one of them apart. It was disgusting to watch. Someone even uploaded a 2 year old clip with a fake caption claiming it was in reference to the current situation. They spared no resources to try and garner more hatred toward this person. Admittedly it frustrated me, because I allowed it to. Now that I have had time to reflect I have a different perspective that I want to share with you all. Just in case you might find yourself feeling this way.

I’m currently reading a book called the Mastery of Love. This book covers the way we relate to others, to ourselves and to life in general. Most people live off fear. They don’t accept themselves they don’t love themselves so they put on this fake persona in order to be accepted. We see this the most on the internet. People do and say things to gain validation from strangers. The sense of community they feel when someone also hates the same person they do. It’s exciting for them because they are disturbed inside. When I dislike someone they don’t exist in my reality. I don’t go out of my way to post about them or join others in a smear campaign. I simply don’t engage with them or their content. I love myself enough to not allow another person to have that much control over my attention. It’s cliche but misery does love company. It gives them that acceptance they can’t give themselves because they don’t respect themselves.

I’ve learned that it is not our job to change someone who’s mind is already made up. They feel the way they feel based on their perception of the world. If that doesn’t align with mine, then I don’t need to be involved with that person. It’s best not to try to make it a goal to change these people. Our job as Neville said, is to change ourselves which in turn will change our experience with unwanted situations. If we choose to be happy and to feel love within, then people and circumstances will replace what we currently experience. Instead of looking at these people as dumb frustrating beings, look at them for what they truly are. Hurt people who live in their own mental prisons. They are sick and it’s their job to heal themselves.

The Mastery Of Love says we are only responsible for our dream. Our truth is only the truth for us and nobody else. We don’t know what the other person is dreaming in their minds. In any relationship we are only responsible for our dream. If there is baggage we are only responsible for our baggage. It’s our job to clean up ourselves. If we feel the need to control or fix others, we don’t respect them. We don’t respect people to make their own decisions and their right to choose. So let’s do as Neville suggests and leave the world alone. Let them be, wish them well and remove your attention. Our highest selves wouldn’t waste their time debating with miserable people. They are responsible for their own realities. All we can do is change our relationship to the situation. Remember you always have the power to change your role and shift perspective.

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

Heyyy, idk of ur requests are open but if they are can u please write a dean Winchester x ex girlfriend smut who is a hunter and who dean is still not over. Sam and Dean rescue her from a vampire nest and dean is angry and worried after her and she's all like "stop acting like you care" and he says something like I'll show u how much I care" + angst + kinda enemies x lovers + dark dean? + marking ; ( set in early seasons llke;1,2,3)

a/n: my requests are open but if you're ever unsure, i do have a post that'll tell you everything you need to know in terms of my requests. and i can absolutely write that, thank you so much for the request! <3

also, if i'm being honest, i didn't even know what marking was so i really hope i got it right aha.

pairing: dean x ex-girlfriend!reader

warnings: smut, angst, enemies to lovers, marking

word count: 821

"Just come on." Dean growled, marching on ahead of you as you lagged behind. "We gotta get back to the car."

You'd infiltrated a vamp nest, and you had everything under control, until Sam and Dean blundered in. That was when things went wrong.

"You know I had everything under control back there." You told him, making him come to an abrupt stop. "If you hadn't barged in like a dumbass I'd have been fine."

He turned around then, seemingly insulted by your words. "If I hadn't barged in, you'd be dead."

"Bullshit!" You spat. "I don't need you to protect me."

"Well if you weren't so damn stupid then maybe I wouldn't have to!"

"Oh shut up. We're not even together anymore so stop acting like you care."

"Alright, just...come on." He paused. "Let's get back to the car, and we can talk about this later."

He reached out in an attempt to wrap his fingers around your forearm, but you quickly jerked away, denying him.

"Okay, fine. You wanna know how much I care?" He blurted out in response, his eyes going wide with frustration. "I haven't been able to get you outta my damn head for months, okay? And I freakin' hate myself for even thinking about you, because I shouldn't give a crap, but I just can't help it."

Silence pressed in over you both then, and you felt as though you were being crushed as you stood staring at him in the dark, his previous words becoming trapped in your mind.

You wanted to hate him. You wanted to walk away from him tonight and never think about him again, except you knew that would never be possible.

It didn't matter how much space you put between you and him, because you would always remain shackled to him, your heart hopelessly pining after him.

After a moment, you were finally able to will yourself to move forward, taking the few short steps toward him before taking his face in your hands. You pulled him down to you, kissing him gently.

And you were both surprised by this, because considering the circumstances, you probably should've been punching him in the face rather than kissing him.

But oh, how you'd missed that beautiful face, the feel of his soft lips against yours. It was like coming home.

You sighed into his mouth, sliding your hands into his hair as you deepened the kiss, feeling his fingers digging into your hips as he slowly pushed you backwards. It took a mere few steps before your back hit the rough bark of a tree and you could already feel yourself melting into him.

Dean pressed a harsh kiss against your lips then before dragging his mouth down your neck, sucking hard enough to leave bruises as he made his way to your collarbone.

It had only been a couple of months since you'd last seen each other, yet somehow it felt like years as you practically devoured each other, Dean's body pressing hard against you as you desperately tugged on his hair.

He groaned into your skin and it was like electric coursing through you. God you had missed him.

It didn't take him long to find his way down to your jeans, his calloused fingers slipping under the waistband as he continued pressing harsh kisses along your throat.

"Oh my god, Dean!" You cried out, your need for him growing stronger with every move he made against you.

He simply snickered, pulling back just enough that he could manage to pull your jeans down your legs. "You ready for me to show you just how much I care?"

"Yes." You breathed out, squeezing your eyes shut as you leaned your head back against the bark. "Please."

He barely even gave you time to prepare before he was pushing himself inside you, making you cry out from the momentary sting.

"Jesus Christ." You whined, desperately clutching his shoulders as he thrusted inside you, pushing you further against the tree. "Dean."

"I know." He whispered into your neck, the sensation of his lips brushing your skin somehow making this all the more pleasurable.

He continued to slap his hips up into you, your groans filling the night air as you clung to each other, his fingers digging into your hips whilst you clutched the thick material of his jacket.

Being this close to Dean again felt incredible, the feeling of him deep inside of you setting your soul on fire. You had forgotten what this felt like, and you weren't sure you were willing to lose it again.

"I love you." You moaned, your breath catching in your throat as you pressed your forehead into his shoulder. "Oh my God."

"I love you too." Dean groaned in response, attempting to bury himself deeper inside you. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

"I think I have some idea."

[Main Masterlist]