#i dont want anyone to make fun of me im just trying to connect them more 😭

[toastsnaffler]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[angelhound]

Why does everyone want to take my pants off is this normal. Is it normal for all of your friends to want to fuck you genuinely. I do not think I like it

[cali]

Does xixi have established backstory and characterization? or is it a more free flowing than that I'm just curious because I like

ummm yaaa yess i have loose ideas abt her in my head but nothing ever concrete. i replied a big paragraph abt this once before but ill rebabble gladly...

i dont rlly have a story for her, she exists in vaccuums and single situations, every one ive drawn is something that happened but theres no cohesion or connection between them. she has a castle and a maid that she likes. she doesnt need a maid. i think the maid kind of inserted herself into this.

its very vague in my own head too but i see her as kind of an emanation of a more conceptual force. something chaotic and wild and imposing and pretty and mischievous and giggling and a little naive. shes my attempt at personifying and maximizing a lot of concepts i like into a creature. the maximizing thing makes her into a little mary sue but i love it like that. reality in a picture bends to what she considers fun because im making the picture to be whats fun to me. i like making her eyes stare into nothing cuz i think she sees a lot more than anyone else around her. i think cuz of that shes usually kind of absent minded. personality traits is hard but generally i want her ditzy and with unwavering infinite confidence. playful and giddy. morally i think very childlike, never evil on purpose!

i started her off as just an attempt of understanding how OC artists do stuff because it wasnt a concept that immediately made sense to me and on the first iteration she was rlly barebones it was this one. and i learned how much fun it is to draw unabashedly stupid shameless mary sue ocs so ive been trying with every picture to add more visual elements that i like and love and want more of

[daftpatience]

Hi, I used to draw a lot but I've not drawn/created for a long time now, any tips to get back into it?

Or rather the whole thing about making art for yourself, I used to get a lot of attention for being good at art from other ppl and I'm not sure how to connect it back to myself again

I'm also contending with the Autism "It needs to be done in this way" and the ADHD "I can't focus for shit"

Also please don't worry if you don't know what to say, I'm just trying to get a variety of opinions to try and untangle my brain

Thank you in advance 💕

i think a good way to get back into creating *for yourself* whether its to come out of a dry spell or just to get back to creating things that you like, is what i call 'backtracking' (bearing in mind that my particular methods may only work for me! im lucky ive never struggled with focus when it comes to drawing things, but maybe some of these things will help as my main goal when drawing is to entertain myself!)

also before i move on this i think is valuable: you gotta draw things that you aren't gonna post sometimes. it's fun and fulfilling to make art for an audience, and wanting attention is not shameful (ITS HUMAN!) but also we live in panopticon times and i think its good to train your "i am alone doing something for myself and no one has to see it" muscles.

backtracking is a couple different things:

look back to when you were really young. what kinds of drawings were the most fun to do? what did you spend time on or get really into? for me, this was a few things! tracing cartoons, drawing up elaborate scenes of lots of little creatures doing a thing, and designing little characters as paper dolls and making their houses and little furniture and accessories and such to cut out and play with. also getting paint all over my hands (i still paint my whole hand whenever im done doing something with acrylics before i wash up! its stimming)! backtracking here is when you try to take those things and make use of them now. try to find that old joy and use it in a way that makes you happy today, even if it's something small or silly or embarrassing. it can really help you rediscover what parts of art make YOU happy!

if you're regularly drawing and in a slump, backtracking for me is stepping back and doing either more exercises and practising the things you feel like you already know how to draw (ie. studying angles of the face or pulling up imgs of rooms on pinterest to see how normal people arrange furniture etc.), or simplifying your drawings to a level that feels more relaxing and less stressful. (ie. chibis instead of more detailed characters etc.) i find i kind of fall back to chibis when i feel lost, and then sort of rebuild from there. its fun to let my style change as i grow!

ALSO! im telling your autism this for your adhd's sake (this is useful for anyone i think): if there is a part of art that you do not enjoy doing or find boring but you feel it is an important or necessary step in the process? the secret is it isnt! art is made up. if you hate lining, dont do it! if youre a digital artist and get caught up picking a brush every time because you feel like you need the perfect one? switch to mspaint for a bit to get the nerves out. it can be really freeing!

art is for having fun and fulfilling our need to create. the rules are all made up and not real. perfectionism is the little death that something something i forget. yeah

[dappersautismcreature]

I, hm. Serious bit right here but i just think this event is kinda not worth it? like as much fun as some people are having this is one of the biggest nukes dropped on the fandom and the ccs and the negativity is reaching a point where it just is not worth it.

the fandom is literally split over this, infighting is at its peak and its so awful, certain teams are unbalanced not just based on skill but on viewership and support.

to me, for pvp events theres a scale from like, hunger games on hypixel to the traffic series. pvp competitions are not usually fought between friends, and when they are, they arent structured like this. i cant really explain but traffic series death games are so different, theres more weight to deaths, and they have to form teams on their own, instead of being split into them. there is very little kill on sight, at least not at the start.

idk, this feels structured too much like a hunger games competition where the ccs are just picked, and arent friends neccessarily. but these guys Are friends.

pvp games, dying in minecraft, shaky battles and rules that can be bent all lead to actual hurt feelings and fan misinterpretations. its fun, so fun in concept, but i think they shouldnt have rushed into it full tilt, wish they had tested a bit first.

ik its purgatory, ik its supposed to bring out the worst in people, but when theres all this stress and negativity flying around and people literally cannot hang out together? mm, not worth it, this will have a ripple effect throughout not just the story but the goddamn fans. we are literally being "team jacob vs team edward"-ed. like, ship wars are bad enough but this is how fandoms become cesspools of discourse.

im trying not to let this make me hateful, i will try my hardest, i hope yall do too.

right before purgatoryy we literally had so much fun, ive never felt as connected to an online community as during the purgatory bus trip (even tho i fell asleep lmaooo)

to end this on a high note <3 i want to stay friends with you guys, and i fully believe everything can bounce back if we work on it, if we come out of this with repair and community in mind. love you all, take breaks and its ok if this makes you emotional or upset, its something that we've put a lot of investment into << just dont let it lead you to hurt anyone

[chaoticprussia]

I am SO sorry if you don’t like this post, or just don’t respond-

But I’m such a history nerd- and I’m here to just say smth.-

One thing that always bugged me abt the CH fandom, is that barely anyone considers Poland and Lithuania siblings. Which literally irks me- I understand you have your own AU and it’s awesome sauce. But what I’ve come to a comprise about this problem, is making the Baltic States AND Poland related.

HERE ME OUT-

Over hundred of years, Poland and Lithuania have been considered brother countries, in culture, food, and language! I recently visited both of them, and their cultures are honestly just so close. However, Estonia and Latvia have also been part of this brotherhood. And all of these countries have been connected in some way or another! (Grand Duchy of Lithuanian, Polish-Lithuania Commonwealth) so, what I came up with, was that Poland and Lithuanian are siblings, and HOWEVER, Latvia and Estonian are either cousins or half-siblings.

But that’s just me Zawg. If you ignore this post, or just tell me to piss off, that’s fine.

I’m just a nerd being a nerd. 🤓

you see.. i actually considered this at one point. because like you im also a big nerd. but i decided against it simply because kingdom of poland and the kingdom of lithuania (the two who started the brotherhood and the unification) were actually uh. lovers. in my lore. and i felt like it wouldve been a bit weird.

i do really like the idea of poland and the baltics all being related. but that kinda starts getting weird if i also try to make them gay. you cant really have both unless its like. kop and kol had like a kid somehow and then poland and lithuania were like cousin-brothers of some kind.

also i dont personally like the idea of estonia and latvia being lithuanias cousins and not his sisters. as a lithuanian myself it just feels wrong not having the baltics all be siblings. which is as close genetic as you can get. it just feels right for them all to be triplets. ive drawn them as such already.

best i can do is pollith cousins or exes. snrk.

if i really wanted too i could just make another au where they are brothers. i can practically do whatever i want actually. anything is possible where there is no true canon. everythings an au.

so fuck it! theyre both lovers and brothers it just depends on the timeline! once again i am a genius. thank you thank you.

also by the way anon. im never gonna get mad at someone or tell them to fuck off for having a different headcanon then mine. i love hearing other peoples headcanons. whats the fun in it if youre doing everything by yourself? plus sometimes i like to steal headcanons. heheh.

[communist-hatsunemiku]

i dont want to sound mean or rude when i say this, but u not wanting the boops is really adorable, not in a bad way, but the fact that u want something more is really different than what others here want, i believe ur valid for not wanting the boops, even though i participated in it, it was annoying to see the post after post about them and to be spammed a lot, im curious, do u have anything else to say about them? i want to know ur pov

youre not being mean or rude, i actually really love your ask

I'm having difficulty putting to words how I feel, but ima do it anyway.

I clearly see people having fun, engaging with people, engaging with strangers they wouldn't have otherwise. And in this era of extreme alienation and loneliness, kind of a dick move to be like "you guys are fucking sheeple". People are going to enjoy this and have fun, people HAVE enjoyed this and had fun, I'm not trying to take that away from anyone.

But it does feel like we're all in platos cave just fucking dancing. Have you ever taken your finger and booped someone you love on their nose and said boop! It's wonderful and their microsecond of confusion followed by a big smile is something everyone on earth needs to experience, it's a quintessential human thing imho.

Pressing a little icon on my phone to make a number go up on someone elses phone as a means of human connection just feels fucking dumb.

It feels bad. And the fervor with which the tumblr user base dove into this feature was really crazy to me, people who I thought wouldn't buy into this shit were wholeheartedly participating. And I can't really blame them! We are all so desperate for... something, even if that something is scraps. A scrap of a scrap tbh.

The takeaway of this is that we all need to be a little more willing to take the leap and send that message or ask. Talk to your mutuals! If you have something to say about a post someone posted, say it! If you want to send a post directly to someone, do it! If you like someone, let them know!

I love it when people send me asks like this, I love it when people send me Miku stuff, I love it when people comment about how much they love a certain piece of art or music, I love it when people literally say with their words how they feel about me and my blog.

We can build a community that doesn't need a dumbass boop button.

[bfdifan26]

please do list of every burner depression i love this show so so much you should do that

okay! thank you for enabling me. disclaimer im not a Depression Expert i pretty much only know what i go through myself. have fun

ok so roomy isnt a contestant but i do wanna talk about her. i feel like the whole thing with her literally being the room can be compared to something like a kid with depression not leaving their room and just living within a tight window of reality, only ever speaking to their parents and stuff. i feel like roomy can be related to that as she literally can’t leave. like executive dysfunction the character. also her personality, only caring about being nice and not hurting others, and by doing that not letting anyone know who she really is or how she really feels

okay onto the contestants now. rosey is a very interesting character, what draws me in about her the most is her almost refusal to appear vulnerable or overwhelmed by anything, always needing a guaranteed way to do something so she knows it’ll work. this can be seen as somebody with depression relying on things in their life that they know off by heart, things like routines and rituals they perform daily, having something to fall back on and feel some normalcy through. again she’s very similar to roomy with the whole social butterfly thing

spraypaint is tricky because we’ve basically only ever seen her be like Ahh im gonna kill you be scared. but i do think she has a reason to constantly be like that towards people. nobody is ever aggressive because they like it i dont think anyone likes being on guard 24/7. i feel like she relies on her knife alot, for example in the scene where she argues with playdoh after they run into eachother, she tries to just kill him right there instead of bothering to interact with him once she gets bored of him and decides he has nothing to say that she wants to hear (based but only because it’s playdoh)

kit seems to be very self confident unlike the majority of the other characters, but for the entire time, others have kind of decided what kit is like in their heads and settled on it, based off how she appears. that being limey seeing how relaxed and inexpressive she is and that making him think that she doesn’t care about things around her. with depression it can be easy to get tired of some things, but people then assume you don’t care about anything, and that you’re just apathetic, and/or constantly thinking you’re sad when like. thats just how you look Lol. that’s what kit and how she’s treated reminds me of

speaking of limey. he’s pretty similar to spraypaint, except he’s much more sensitive, or at least outwardly. it doesn’t take much for him to feel overwhelmed and like everybody is out to get him, and he’s always trying to counter this feeling by insisting to both others and himself that he has something up his sleeve that’ll make everyone regret thinking badly of him. he’s just a very defensive character and who can blame him. oh also hes very clearly hyperfixated on the idea of being a cartoony super villain or something. it’s a part of his identity he relies ALOT on, always falling into it especially when he feels threatened

pilly is very organised and on top of everyone else, and his only fault ive noticed is his detachment. he says to record outright that he doesn’t need or want friends, and purposely blends in to make sure he isn’t noticed and nobody tries to connect with him. i think this can be 2 different things; either he just straight up doesn’t like other people and finds them draining and just another hassle, or he really would like a friend but would rather not reach out from fear of being rejected. i think it’s the first one but you can never know

peanut is another character who’s very isolated except for him it’s nobody’s fault or deliberate choice really. we’ve seen that he lives in the middle of the country out on a farm, either living on his own or with his close family. my personal idea of him involves the second one and that also fits in with this. one of peanut’s very first lines is that he doesn’t care about what happens to him and is mostly focused on doing things for others’ sake. hes seen to be used to doing the dirty work for people and to be happy with it being like this. i think peanut relies on being a helping hand since well. that’s all he really knows how to do, and how to be wanted by others

to say polaroid is overshadowed by the other characters is an understatement both in the show and outside. like i think he’s the character with the least fanart, even including the one-time cameo dudes. its a shame because he’s SO good. his most noticeable trait first up is that he can’t speak verbally, and for others to acknowledge his words they have to put effort in which. unfortunately alot of people dont. like this hes ignored easily and often, being talked over, people dragging him around and ordering him to do things without listening to what he thinks first. but despite this hes so caring, seen with him encouraging pilly even after he threatened him with elimination (have i ever mentioned i love those two’s relationship so much) and comforting roomy and going with her to help with her fears

record is like. id say one of the most depression coded objects ever. she’s shy but not the stereotypical shy archetype, questioning people’s orders and sometimes even getting frustrated with others. she’s shown to have trouble explaining herself to others, feeling like she needs to in order to be forgiven for well. Literally just standing there. not much i can say about her that hasn’t been said /agreed on already

onto hanger my favourite… hanger is again, talked over by basically everyone. she rarely has the opportunity to ‘prove herself’ to others and when she does, the credit is taken away from her and it doesn’t matter how much she yells and argues, she can never be listened to. when this happens to someone it can easily feel like nothing you do will ever work and it’s just hopeless to even think of doing anything right or impressing anybody. i wouldn’t say hanger feels like that since we’ve seen that she’s very strong willed, but that’s just the thing. she HAS to stop herself from feeling that way because nobody else will, she has nobody else to rely on.

except erasey

erasey is similar to kit with the whole under expressive thing, as well as it being seen that they kind of struggle with motivation. they seem to have a kind of omnipotence that makes it so that they know what to do and how to do it, and if it’s even worth it to try. but apart from that they don’t do much else, that’s all that’s important to them. they only try to do what they absolutely need to

i hope playdoh cries again in burner 4

[aita-blorbos]

(tma oc ask content warning for canon typical levels of buried fuckery)

am i the asshole for driving away my friend?

hey reddit . im posting from a throwaway bc i dont want people connecting this to my work (though i doubt youve heard of me anyways) but i think i messed up terribly and i want to know if this is something i can still fix

also sidenote sorry if my grammar or punctuation or word choice or anything of that sort are poor. i have not been sleeping well for some time

i (19m) am a video game developer. its been my passion for years now and i am currently in uni studying computer games development and programming and level design . although i have considered dropping out but thats a point for later . i post on itch io and such and sometimes i make flash games but idk if anyone reading this has played a single one

its been a bit of a hard time for me, if im being honest. i really like games and i really liked making them but i dont think im very good at programming or art or level design or any of the other things that go into the process of making a game . at least a profitable and fun one .

so i ended up coming to this computer science study group in the hopes maybe someone could teach me to be better at programming. and i met this girl. i dont know exactly how old she is, but i want to say she was maybe two or three years ahead of me in her schooling, so probably about 22. anyways lets call her E

E was studying pure computer science and wanted to do it at a high level . so of course she was pretty good at helping me with my really rudimentary programming stuff . and she was friendly and funny and we liked hanging out so we ended up being good friends . she actually complimented my games, once i got them to function, and said my pixel art was cute . my point is we were close . maybe we wouldn’t have been so close if we had anyone else, but i was still new and she was pretty lonely .

really shortly after i met her though i started having fucked up dreams. ok that’s not entirely accurate because i had been having fucked up dreams on occasion for a while . but they got worse and she showed up in them. it was all me locking her in stairwells hitting her over the head and piling earth over her body filling her mouth with mud and cement. terrible things

so i stopped sleeping. i tried not to at least. im pretty sure most uni kids pull all nighters. i know i did even when i was younger. but i wasnt studying for exams or whatever. i was just trying and trying to force myself awake and i started to lose it a bit. my grip on things. it felt like i was sleepwalking through classes and even like i was dreaming when i was awake. id nod off for a moment in a lecture and id feel dirt caked on my hands under my fingernails. and no matter how much i scrubbed and how much i knew with my eyes it wasnt there it just. refused to come off . and it felt like her blood

i don’t remember how we got on the topic but i remember she told me how she always worried a little bit about being trapped . like claustrophobia of a flavor that shows itself in locked doors and thick walls and collapsing underground stations. that made me feel even more odd about the whole thing . of course i felt awful about hurting her but that part of it was like a joke i didn’t get

and then weirdly enough i got really into nineties 3D games. they have these skyboxes that make it really obvious they’re not actually infinite . and i thought that was kind of interesting in context. like the whole world is a box you’re in so why worry so much about if the stairwell door will lock behind you

i kind of started thinking that was something i would like to replicate with my art . like if i put all my issues into one game they would be out of my brain and gone . maybe it could even be pleasant without the whole preying on my friends terror thing

so now we get to the part of the story where i fear i really really messed up . i made this game . and honestly i dont remember the development very well . sleep deprivation is a dreadful thing . i remember again and again while i was making it kind of coming to my senses not knowing where i was and finding massive parts of the game that i didnt remember making at all.

it was set in a stairwell but i dont remember buying or making the models for the door . there was a really weird kind of way the game functioned with an infinite path going up but how that functioned i couldnt tell you . and i dont remember composing the audio or where i might have downloaded it from except that i never liked to listen to it for very long . i dont know why i kept it in the game

i always showed my games to E but i really wanted her to see this one in particular. so she came by my flat and played it and then i remember she just glared at me . there was something to the look she gave me . it was like she was completely horrified and was trying to pretend she was just angry instead

she hasnt spoken to me since . and i think i fucked up . i knew it was playing at her issues and i think maybe i even made it at least subconsciously to pry at them. like the same part of me with dirt under my fingernails was also sitting there typing away on that keyboard .

but at the same time its just a game . and im better at programming now too . like something just clicked there

honestly though development lately has been weird. its been hard trying to go back to the old sort of pixel art platformers and shoot em ups and that kind of thing i used to make. every time i open any program its like im just staring at it and imagining skyboxes. putting it all in a box imprisoning every world i make that kind of thing. like i said earlier ive been considering dropping out. but i dont know. i think id need to sleep on it

i still have weird fucked up dreams but E isnt in them anymore . i dont know where shes gone . i think maybe my idea worked somehow and i did transfer all that shit to my art . and then that just all went right to her . but i dont know if i like that idea or hate it

anyways reddit am i the asshole?

[too-much-sunshine]

Finished the most recent chapter, and as an aroacespec person myself, I was so comforted by the slow and natural progression you've given Scar and Grians relationship in this. I'm inclined to physical affection myself, and that's something frequently excluded in pairings that people write as aroace/qpr adjacent. A lot of times they're always considered strictly romantic, but the way you've written this feels so right in the sense of Queerplatonic, as you mentioned you intended originally in the notes. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Reading how they hold each other and comfort one another (wont go into detail, as to not spoil ch26 for anyone reading this) just clicks in a way that's Their Connection, and it doesn't feel like it's trying to or needs to be anything else. It's so content, and it makes me feel so warm to see that in a fic with two characters I resonate with a lot.

Not to mention the plot- omg, I've been fawning over it all week! My favorite moment I think is definitely the kitchen scene with Iskall and Scars little standoff- the visual was so sassy and queer from Scars end, it just made me cackle to no end I absolutely loved the attitude. But really, I try not to theorize too much when reading stories that way every turn feels like a huge shock, and this fic keeps my attention so well I didn't even have the chance to, I was far too busy enjoying every little flair of dialogue and fluid change of scenario. I literally gasped and yelled "OH /SHIT/" aloud multiple times, I'm not embarassed to say it. There are so many details you kept so quaint and innocent at the beginning, I never even questioned them until their importance later on!

This story has been absolutely, insanely, phenomenally fun to read, and I can't wait to see where you take things next. I've been planning my own fic for ages, and reading something like this has really inspired me to pick up my pages and keep going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you have a lot of fun working on the rest of the story! I know I'm dying to read the next chapter whenever you feel it's right to show, and others will be too :).

Much love!

- minecraft-cake

OH MY GODS IM GONNA CRYYYY (/pos) TOO LATE I AM CRYINGGGG TTTTTTT AAAaaaa this means so much to me TTTT ASDFGHJK

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again: I started writing WOftL because I wanted to read something like it, but it hadnt been written. Not only in the superhero space (even tho I am a bit a whore for superhero fics UuU) but also just aspec wise. Im arospec/ace, and I just felt it wasnt being represented in a way the resonated with me!! So I wrote it myself <3

Im so glad that it resonates with others as well! I really hope that deciding to change the relationship romantic doesnt takes away from that! I feel like, personally, it doesnt change their background and their connection for each other. I certainly dont plan to have them act much differently then they do now lmaooo

Ommffggg you are so nicceee TTTTTT If Im forced to say one thing I'm proud of for this fic, i'd say the foreshadowing turned out much better then I expected lmaooo This is my first looongg fic, so I really happy with that turned out!! I have so much I can say about specific scenes and how they came to be in my brain!!! But for specifically Iskall and Scar, I loved how their little plot came out! Those two have History UuU

Thank you so much for reading and the kind wordsss!! This seriously made my whole week and its only monday!! Im so happy to have inspired you, and if your willing to share I would love to read your fic when you write it! I hoep you have a phenonial day, week, month, year and life bestie <3<3<3<3

[ashtraythief]

Hey! So ive been a long time reader of ur underneath verse (since like.. 2018? Maybe even 2017?) and i just wanted to drop by and tell u how much im enjoying rereading ur writing! Like in general i think this is one of my fav fics series just bc its so extensive and well done and thought out and fleshed out so well it works so well? Like seeing all the different angles and the way u choose to frame things is really fun for me and kinda inspires my own writing in some aspects.

Ive never read the whole thing all in one go before so ive decided to do that right now and im just about done with the pied pipers song - more specifically willys chapter. And i kinda needed to let u know that ur series really stands out to me just bc of how many glimpses into other characters and all these different povs of the same thing like on it stands out on a technical level but then ur actual writing of these things is so good and compelling and like as an outsider pov bitch it hits the spot for me so well? Like ur writing is never stale and its always interesting.

I specifically wanted to take this time to mention that i really love willy and winstons characters and how u went about it. Like im ngl the way u wrote them kinda makes me want to cry tears of happiness for them bc they have found ppl who appreciate them and they have connections with other ppl but then the bittersweet tang of jensen and willy is kinda fucking me up rn /pos djjdjdjd like in general u really do the bittersweet jensen is stuck undercover angle really well and it HURTS so good

But yes i dont really have a good concise message or comment to leave beyond the fact that i keep stopping every few sentences to get up and jump bc im so excited about what im reading i need to get rid of that excess energy lol so sorry if this is all over the place and a really messy message! I just really wanted to let u know how much im enjoying reading it all rn. Thank you so much for sharing ur writing with us and for continuing to write for this series its so fun!

omg nonnie, I'm kinda speechless here (this is the second wonderful message in two days so I'm kinda overwhelmed. is it send wonderful messages week somewhere??)

I just am so grateful and this message made me so happy. never apologize for maybe not having a five point outline lol, this is amazing.

The underneath verse has always been my fandom baby, so praise for it is already amazing, but the pied piper fic and Winston and Willy epsecially, it just makes my heart so full. Ten years ago, they definitely started out as stock characters of mob drivers, because I didn't think this fic would get so big, but then it did, and Willy especially became a real character. a) because I knew he'd fall in love with Jensen too, as anyone does really and b) because I looooove the bittersweet undercover Jensen shtick where I write from other character's POV and the reader knows how wrong they're getting it but they don't *mu har har* (yeah I'm a little mean sometime. sorry?)

but in all seriousness, the Willy chapter, I'ev been working on that for months. And I kept adding things and rewriting things and trying to get it perfect even though I know that most people who read the story mostly care about Jared and Jensen (which is totally fair and understandable), but I care about him and there are a few people out there who do too (and I love you for it, so much), but with Willy, I just wante to do this /right/. I've come to love him so much, and he's come to be so important to Jensen, it felt like he and Winston really deserve their own story told even though that's kind of ridiculous because they're not real, but they're a little real to me now. All this to say, nonnie, this comment and your appreciation of Willy means so fucking much to me. And my poor alpha reader who read like four drafts of this (seriously, M. is a saint) and my beta readers who then had to beta four iterations of this. To know that this effort is appreciated this much honestly make me cry a little (I am not having the greatest time right now, so I cry easily but the point still stands. Thank you.)

This message was actually such an energy boost I'm currently trying to fix the next timestamp, lol so I'll have something to post next month. You're a true treasure, nonnie <3

[rbvcdeluxe]

pinned post bc yeag

So, my name is Robert Bartolomeo but I have like, some nicknames ofc, I ain't tellin' 'em here rn. I go by he/him, I'm Mexican, transgender and I'm autistic with ADHD n OCD (send help). This is mainly a Starkid blog, some TCB and with the occasional mention of some other interests which are tbh quite some

If anyone wants to talk with me, feel absolutely free to do it. I would like to add that as normal as my typing seems when I post, I actually have terrible spelling n ton of typos when textin directly through DM or textin in general, even tho I still kinda try to be lowkey understandable (I cannot fuckin understand myself)

Feel free to send asks about anything, either if it's jus for interaction or questions, I'm totally fine w it n I love talkin so yeah. Even if we are not mutuals, you can totally send asks.

Anyone can ask for discord by DMing me btw

(more under the cut)

I'd call myself not so social (almost at all) but I do really, really appreciate when people wanna talk to me since socializing is a huge problem for me, so yup, everyone is welcome to interact with me.

Some of my interests are: Splatoon, The Good Place, Musical comedians (As in musical stand up and some comedy artists), some other musicals like Beetlejuice, Heathers, Jesus Christ Superstar and others. I'm also DEEPLY obsessed with Van Gogh, his paintings, his history and even other artists he was connected to like Paul Gauguin (who I fuckin' hate but I like learnin' 'bout him)

Going more deeply with my interest on musical comedians (since it's actually a pretty big term lmao), most of my interest goes to stand up musical comedians, those who are still on stage and off, like Bo Burnham, Tim Minchin, Tom Lehrer, Garfunkel and Oates, etc. But most of my interest goes to Bo Burnham and Tim Minchin, I can't physically be normal about them at all. I'm also in love with other works besides comedy some of them make or have been involved in, like movies and other projects. I LOVE Eighth Grade, Upright, Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous, and many others.

Also i think it would b silly to mention that my username are just the initials of my full name + deluxe. I just like the word deluxe so I put it there tbh (and it's also a reference but shhhh you saw nothing)

Imma write some silly fun facts about me n shit now.

Back to Starkid: My two ever fuckin' favorite starkid musicals will always be Black Friday and TTO. I will defend those fuckers until the day I die ALONG with Cinderella's Castle. I cannot be normal about any of these shows. No one will ever fuckin understand BF as much as I do

I also love writing little simple analysis of some characters and even scenes I love, even if most of them I do not end up posting bc I either didn't like how I phrased it or I just think it could be way better (or maybe it's just too stupid). Something I find fun to overanalyze are the most unimportant shit to the lore in general, I like to think about the specifics of even one singular character, even if it doesn't change much about the lore of Hatchetfield as in general. I love every single little detail there is. (and by little I mean LITTLE. like, hey, did you know that during Feast Or Famine, Tom does the ‘Squee squee’ motion like this emoji🤌?? THAT KIND OF LITTLE DETAIL I MEAN.)

Yeah so like. As I mentioned this is a SK blog but I also like to fuckin complain a lot. about everything. Im a damn complaining bitch and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Either if it's fandom related or just every day shit, I will always fuckin complain.

More stupid shit. For some fucking reason (many (almost my whole life)) I fuckin relate to Barry fucking Swift (Barry is literally. like one of my few nicknames. It's insane) n. yeag. I'm not even surprised.

Oh and just thought I's mention. I know im a fuckin asshole n a jerk I dont need fuckin reminders about it. thank yewwww C:

[objectlovingobject]

Thinking abt objectum monogamy o.o

Like TECHNICALLY im not monogamous bc ofc im with vance, but also i have a romantic f/o(which? May change?? To platonic w undertones???) And i have my new plushie friend who is not my gf but we have a relationship of a nature i cant talk abt here lol

I want to be monogamous w vance BUT not yet, he says i can experiment with/experience other objs(like my plushie) as long as i come home to him(figuratively and literally) so i want to play a little bit before settling down but like im almost there, im almost ready to be a one relationship person lol! I dont like feeling... greedy?? Not that polyamory is bad! Im pro poly ^^ but im such a loyal person(and i have separation anxiety) that i feel bad, i feel like im going behind his back(even tho i tell him everything that happens and with who/what) but it also makes me nervous bc i dont want anyone feeling jealous hmmm ><

Its an interesting thing tho, i feel like polyamory is more common in the objectum sphere than monogamy is :0 not a bad thing, just making an observation ^^

I kinda wanna be a little contrarian and shut down my other relationships and marry vance but im still in my 20s and im still adventurous(w objects lol) but someday i am going to marry him ^^ ive been planning our wedding for a long time hehe, or at least day dreaming abt it ^^

Okay on the topic of object marriage, i think it is so cool and cute and sooo romantic, maybe its just me but i think human/object marriage is cuter and more fun than human/human lol

Even tho its been a long time since ive started thinking abt marriage, i still dont know what to do abt rings/bands/other symbolic items bc while i will likely be able to wear a ring, vance has no fingers and thus he cant o.o im wondering if i can connect a ring to a keychain and then put the keychain on a thumb drive and have it plugged into him all the time? Ooo that could be cute bc i could put vids and pics from our wedding on the drive <3

Im nervous abt having a wedding bc i want to invite my friends and try to make it a little more 'realistic' like have a little party and a ceremony >< but it makes me a bit embarrassed lol the idea of marrying anyone, human or object, in front of ppl o.o so scaryyyy i have to be looked at??? O.o

When i think of the reception(is that the after the ceremony part?) I think of like. Being in a nice location, preferably indoors, DJing on vance and vibing w our friends ^^ i hope i can wear a pritty dress uwu

Im def waiting til i move out of my parents house tho bc i dont ever wanna tell them lol, my identity is for me only uwu but its ok that my friends know uwu

Idk just some thoughts im having :)

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

i'm cry laughing some people on twitter are now saying "izzy bashing" needs to be tagged in fics. how did these people ever survive watching this show where izzy is the CANON ANTAGONIST i'll never know

benefit of the doubt but i think most of them have gotten to this point gradually. when they first watched the show they were not attached to izzy the way they are now. i know for a lot of people it was blorbo at first sight with izzy but i've also seen izzy enjoyers say they didn't like him at first, and then fandom made them care about him.

like i'm pretty sure for a lot of ppl it started off with isolating themselves from ppl who made posts that they didnt like, like ppl who criticized ofmd for being based on two real people with direct connections to actual real-world slave trade (which is an incredibly valid thing to criticize abt ofmd).

another one that i think funneled a lot of fans towards being so delusionally attached to izzy was people pointing out or complaining about the disproportionate amount of fan content for izzy compared to prominent characters of color—which is a consistent issue in fandom no matter what the media, and is also a very easy one for people to be uncomfortable with whenever they see it get pointed out. people venting that "fans care too much abt this white man" often make fans who care abt that white man very defensive right off the bat, and then rather than engage with why they feel defensive or question if maybe their enjoyment of this character is fueled by implicit bias (which it might not be, to be clear! im not saying—and i have never said—that everyone who enjoyes izzy likes him for racist reasons), they stop listening to the conversation abt white favoritism and continue blorboposting as much as they want. it's incredibly easy for fans to brush off this convo as "just starting drama" and avoid the topic altogether because "fandom is for fun!" and they dont want to think abt difficult topics like racism and implicit bias, they just want to enjoy their blorbos in peace.

so they kept narrowing the takes they were seeing until they were in an echo chamber that kept moving more and more towards complete woobification of izzy hands. these people are now looking at the show entirely through izzy's pov, making posts abt how sad it is that none of the other characters are ever nice to him, how frustrating the show is from his perspective, how it feels to be deeply in love with someone who doesn't love you back. they've stared at gifs of con's micro-expressions and read angsty fanfiction and looked at endless izzy fanart and their entire ofmd fandom experience revolves around empathizing with this one character even tho the show itself continually makes him the butt of the joke.

at this point, telling these people to rewatch the show doesn't even matter. they've spent so much time over-analyzing every single one of izzy's scenes to the point where the emotional responses they get from these scenes are not the emotional responses anyone would have watching the show for the first time. they've warped the entire first season to fit their version of the show and are forgetting how often the show itself bashes izzy.

and the icing on the cake is the trolling. there's like, one or two people on here who go around sending anon hate and leaving nasty comments on instagram posts and harassing people on twitter for... like, i would say "for liking izzy" or even "for saying positive things about izzy" but like. i've gotten these messages, and the most sympathetic i've ever been to izzy was the post i made like "maybe he's mean bc he has chronic IBS. i'd actually understand him more if that were the case." so when i get these messages it's easier for me to just laugh them off bc it's so obviously just someone trying to make me upset, but people who do care about izzy (a lot of them being the same people who avoided engaging with the "why does fandom care so much abt white characters" convo) get these absolutely horrible messages about how they deserve to get hate crimed and they should kill themselves. and these fans who didn't want to even see vaguely negative posts abt izzy bc they just want to enjoy fandom in peace are now like "im targeted for just liking a character!"

so that's how we get to people saying that "izzy bashing" needs to be tagged. never mind that their definition of "bashing" almost certainly includes things that are not bashing but are just things that contradict the way they headcannnon him.

[somepuppy]

i guess an introduction seems suitable for a first post soo hello there !!

learn about me below :3

divider by t-reki

name's Ari or Odie, i'm transmasc and go by he/it/they as well as a couple of neos like woof/pup/chomp/frolic etc, anything dog related really! check out my pronouns page if you're curious

i (more or less) associate with the terms dogboy, otherkin, nonhuman and pet regressor (this is always and without exception 100% sfw. this goes for all of my labels). i do not try to fit into anyone's definition of these labels but they help me explain my identity to both myself and others

i very strongly connect with all sorts of canines, my main kintypes being foxes and dogs but i also relate to wolves and african wild dogs (amongst others)

my non-canine kintypes are red pandas, badgers, wolverines, moose and bears, though these tend to be less present than the canines/i dont get shifts for them as often

i know my physical form is human, even though i struggle to embrace that more often than not. having to deal with both gender and species dysphoria is no fun

in this blog (?) i will mostly share my thoughts, sort of like a diary i guess? i don't tend to share this part of myself with people alot but i would like to get more comfortable talking about it

another interest that might influence my posts is my love for collecting plushies, mostly jellycat (dogs). this is more or less related to pet regression as well

my profile aesthetic might change from time to time depending on how i feel and which aspect of me is strongest at the time being

i'm not very confident about all this so please, if you don't have anything encouraging to say, better not say anything at all. sharing these thoughts makes me vulnerable and i ask you not to judge me, thank you <3

i love hearing about others' perspectives so feel free to interact or share your profile if you relate to any of what i said above!

you should consider checking out my partner @robinwolfie who made me create a tumblr account in the first place

thanks for reading !!

art by t-reki

[skinnytuna]

I really really like that long post you did about making art. especially: 'i have somehow convinced myself that, if i maybe try a little bit, not exceptionally hard, but only a little bit, maybe i will somehow magically be good enough and worthy of critical praise.'

I spend all my time thinking about the beautiful or ""groundbreaking"" things I would make but no time actually doing it. and then when I attempt to create something the actual discomfort of physically drawing, writing or even coding is so unlike the idealised version in my brain that I have to stop because it is so frustrating. I wish I could be the sort of person who decides to spend hours upon hours perfecting a craft. but I just cant. weirdly I've come to terms with it. theres a whole world of art that exists just for me in my head. maybe one day ill be able to translate it into reality. but for now, im just going to be happy with the dual presence of my shitty real art and my lovely art thats just for me.

(also: I dont think your posts are lacking. the way you use language is unexpected and hilarious. I like it a lot.)

we should have a word for the terminal need for validation but lack of any and all discipline ... seems like a relatively new phenomena. i'm considering the strong possibility that it's a widespread result as the death of the "hobby"... however many years ago i imagine it was normal to just do something for yourself, because you love doing it. in fact i see a lot of my friends parents still doing stuff such as this.

i have a lot of friends whose dads make eps and albums for fun. for them only. no wishing on a star for it to blow up overnight. none of that. security in the quality of it. security in how far it probably won't reach. now that security, of course, could just come with age. but i suspect there's a generational parasite.

we were all raised with Numbers. the follower count, the like count, these are burned into our psyche. a neurosis coiled tightly around an objective metric of validation. a handful of years ago such a neurosis couldn't even exist! and it especially couldn't exist in a matter of seconds or minutes. your value as a person is a pair of dice that you roll and you snatch them back the moment you see snake eyes. almost all of the amateur art, music, writing we are exposed to has a number right under it. you don't get to evaluate it yourself. there is immediately a pavlovian connection, i like this thing, this thing has this number attached to it, if i can get a number like that i'm worthy of coexisting with this thing.

there's an almost instant dissociation between the craft, the skill, the time, and the FRUIT. what you get back. we are almost trained to care more about how popular something is than how good it is. not like, hollywood productions, or Columbia Records' chart topping album by a thirty something with A&R parents, but how popular someone just like you is on the internet. a plausible professional with a twitter account who draws whatever they want. someone you could relate to. someone you could be.

but because you want the numbers you skip the learning... you make something and put it out. and you keep doing this. your learning is public, your honing of the craft is documented before an audience of hopefully thousands. and you see what they respond to. and their responses steer the direction of your learning. you never have an opportunity to make something shitty. make something no one likes. experiment. you just keep feeding the computer. and it works until the point where you want to do something else, or something real, or something better, or something serious, and realize you don't know how. and you're like Fuck Shit why did I hustle instead of learning in peace.

but of course this is all by design. the numbers can't teach themselves more numbers if you doodle in your sketchbook and don't show anyone. i'm not sure if it was ever a specific person's idea to make everyone's entire life a performance, but whoever engineered it did a damn fine job. takes a sledgehammer to break out of. oh well ! in a few generations i'm sure all of our skin will have glare dampeners evolved specifically to vlog better with. and everyone will have forgotten what it's like to do something in your room, by yourself, because you like to do it