#i even already knew that molly dies. and caleb was fucked up. but i was still so engaged

[sea-buns]

Anyone who watched the Mighty Nein after it ended genuinely not know how they got here? I don't mean how you found CR. Like it's kinda foggy but I think I just saw a cool animatic and decided I needed to know. Got to the end of the Whitestone arc in c1 before deciding I wanted to start somewhere more recent.

What I mean is, you binged the campaign in a pretty efficient amount of time. And you remember watching it. But you have no idea how you did it.

We're talking 141 episodes, most 4-5 hours each. I know hyperfixations are a magical thing. But I don't think I was doing anything else while watching. Like I wasn't flipping between it and music or videos, I didn't have ao3 open in another tab, I wasn't fidgeting or making something with my hands. At most I may have been on the switch but it wasn't often.

Yet here we are. I somehow entered a fugue state where all I remember from that time is stuff about the campaign, but nothing about how my life had been going. And then seeing EXU after, which had been hot off the press, and going hm they look fun. And it all just spiralled from there.

Meanwhile here I am, obsessed with this new round of dumbasses, but I can't even diligently watch a 30 min recap without having 6 other tabs to pause and flit between every 2 minutes.

I just wanna know what the fuck past me had going on to be so efficient. In my eyes, she is truly a completely different person for this reason alone. A creature possessed. I'm not complaining, I LIKE it here, I just think she oughta share the recipe for future generations. We could be reveling in so much other cool shit if I could open my third eye on command.

[larsisfrommars]

Rewatching Campaign Two: Curious Beginnings

Oh not even a “WE PlaY DuNgEoNs & DrAgOns!!” Yet.

Wow, I forgot how heavy Nott’s accent used to be and how light Caleb’s was. Headcanon he was still using a lot of Zemnian. Also everyone’s reaction to Jester’s voice is wonderful! Lol

Man the over and underhamming the accents is so weird! I am so ready to be violently reminded what a dick Beau was lmao

Awwwww Fjord has always had that lawful good streak in him even if it waited a bit mid-campaign, I love it. Laura having to train herself out of Vex’s greed lmao.

JESTER lmfao, she was SO rude! I love her good god, I find it so goddamn funny that Caleb ended up being sweet on her when the first thing she basically said to him was “my dude, you smell like ass. 😄💕” Beau clearly already has a crush Lmao. I forgot how early the whole “entire top table has a crush on Jester” thing started XD

Sam pretending to not know he knows Halfling, well played.

Caleb accidentally over sharing 😂😂😂 that is fucking wonderful, and low-key in character lol, nervous as hell lmao.

Every fan artist immediately deciding “a bit taller than the average lass” meant fMUCKING H U G E is so Good.

M O L L Y !!!!! Molly was so… himself lmao, if only they knew! Man. Immediately charming the shit out of Jester.

Listen I know how tarot works, but at the SAME time, THE FORGE (Fjorester? The Star Razor?!), snake in the future, could be Uka’toa or the fact that Molly/Lucien has a serpent tattoo. Yoooo tarot can be so cool lol. Jester does it even better though, because she did it at random and you didn’t have to bend ANYTHING about what cards she pulled to make it fit.

“I AM A VESSEL FOR HIGHER POWERS” *draws the eye card* EXCUSE ME

Ah yes, the birth of Beauyasha lmao “wow… she was awesome.” Lmao. Nott trying to chat Caleb up, Travis/Fjord’s immediate repulse at Frumpkin for being cat god XD. “I USE THAUMATURGY TO OPEN ALL THE WINDOWS” legendary! Low key forgot Beau was a cat person lmao.

“I’m sticking with this accent for the next two years” and then he didn’t. Lol

Caleb getting excited by books is so wholesome given the context of what we learn about him. 😊

THE CIRCUS IS ✨HERE ✨

Molly and that farmer, bruhhh go see a physician lol. Maaaan Yasha used to be grumpyyyyy lmao. Bo vs Beau! Lol Beau is so fucking awkward lmao I love her, reminds me of middle school lmfao. Ooof that little casual “hahaaaaaa my parents traumatized me” side comment, what a MOOD!

God I MISSED Molly and Beau’s sass fest SO MUCH!!! Holy moly! They were so funny “are you patronizing me Mollymauk?” “No I was hoping you’d patronize us!” I misssssss themmmmm

SWORD OF FATHOMS IS HERE REEEEEEEEEE

OH! Molly thought Jester was a follower of The Moonweaver with those cards and was trying to keep it on the down low!!! I JUST picked up on that!! WOW! :D

Early Beau is a fuckboi mode ACTIVATE, Yasha being coy tho lmao. Molly knows what Yasha’s hugs are like for sure.

Gustav’s talk of imagination is so interesting given how everything turns out. “Making one whole out of two bodies” or two souls from one body. The fire! The beasts of Xhorhas! These themes that carry through the whole campaign HOW!? EVEN?!!

Man this campaign could’ve been SO different if anyone died super early on! Lol Sam actively murderering Scanlan lmfao.

First ever POP POP! Woo! Lol Tal saying “shot” way back in early days like he’s still percy! Lol. First TRAVELER mention. First I Would Like To Rage!! My babies!

God the sass continues, I can’t believe how much I missed this dynamic.

BEAU gets the first HDYWTDT of the campaign! I forgot! Awesome!!

Even in a fantasy world the cops suck! Jester bamboozled that crownsguard lmaoooo

Wow lol leave it to this party to be like “it definitely wasn’t the frog demon it was the DWARVEN CHILD of course it was!!” Lmao. I love these idiots, so much.

Why did they let BEAU talk to the cop?! Whyyyyyyyyyy. Can’t wait for Fjord and Caleb to start really doing the Charisma checks. I love Beau, but she is not high Charisma.

FAKE NAMES HERE WE GO! Shirley, Temple, Caleb, Beau, Beau (Fjord), Mary, lmfao. Molly glaring daggers at the thought Yasha ratting out Toya was a neat touch. First Cerberus Assembly reference 😬

Yasha ghosts the partyyyyyyy for the first time ever! Lmao!

WOW these cops SUCK, “you need to show us you’re not guilty but your not allowed to leave the inn” w h a t?!

[mapleandgingeroatmeal]

CR2E114- An Open Window

Ok I know I say this like, every four or five episodes, but this one's a new favorite, folks. The Intrigue! The Romance! The adorable bonding! The awkward nervous coming out! The real Irish Accent! The disability rep! 114's got it all.

Matt's really out here thinking "how can I stick it to ableists as hard as humanly possible", and his solution was to put a wheel-chaired npc in the fucking antarctic and make him the most gruff competent badass possible because this is a magic world and a chair can be perfectly all-terain and disabled people aren't always delicate fuck you. A legend.

I also just like Dagen in general? His disability is touched on just the perfect amount without at all defining his character, and I know from little mentions that he's gonna be a frequently occuring npc for a while into the future, and I am very excited to get to know him better, because I think he's gonna have some great stories and cast interactions.

We got CaducACE Clay up in here hell yeah boi!!!! I was pumped for this moment. What was interesting to me was how actually obviously nervous he was? It was brushed off as if he was confident in an instant, because that's just how Deuces "i have no negative emotions" Clay operates, but I for sure think that this is something he's actually had to struggle and come to terms and think about. Not bc it's bad obvs, just because thats what Being Queer is like. You can see in the way he sort of waffles around the issue with Veth. It's hard for him to actually get the words out and tell her something so deeply personal, but he does! I am so proud of my boy!

Jester makes friends everywhere she goes in such a delightful way. I think so much of her appeal comes from the fact that she just enters every interaction on complete good faith. She really likes most people, and assumes people will like her back!

God Beau and Caleb. I think I had that exact sequence of interactions with my sister a few months ago. I've noticed that very recently Caleb has been such a happier, more playful person, and I have to wonder what exactly triggered the change. I feel like it's actually the Rumblecusp conversations everyone had about their commitment to this group as a family who wasn't going to leave each other? Hearing that in words from everyone seems to have broken down that last paranoia barrier in his mind, the voice that was still telling him how this joy and these people would leave him soon. He trusts and loves the Nien unreservedly now, and it's so beautiful to watch.

Oh my god that scry on Lucien gave me such chills. THAT VOICE THO! It was instantly so magnetic and charming, I love an Irish accent. And the way he just had a friendly chat with the scry and the ominus shit he said?? Immediately drew me in. This guy is totally gonna be a favorite villian of mine, I can already tell.

So I actually didn't realize that the gang already knew Molly was back when he killed Vess? My original thoughts for how this arc went down was that they went to Eisselcross like everything was normal, waited for Vess, went to check on her, and then the first time they ever see Lucien is him laughing at them from a window-sill after killing Vess. I do like the way it happened, but I'm kinda sad also bc can you imagine the sheer drama of the surprise it would've been to see Molly alive for the first time like that?

I can't believe they've gotten away with stashing the body. I wonder how long they can keep this Charade up with Dagen? Will he even care who died if he's getting paid? Are they gonna drag him along into the tomb takers? So many questions.

[thatonesadending]

Molly and Caleb get to talk about his return, and what it means. But then Beau has to come by and completely derail Caleb - There is Magic in Words; Chapters 6-7

“Thank you.” Caleb eventually said, breaking the quiet.

“Why are you thanking me? Last I checked, you are the one that did all the stuff worth thanking today, love.” Molly responded with a chuckle.

“For being … being you.” His words were so soft, as though he didn't want Molly to actually hear them. He lifted his head then, to look the other man in the eyes.

“Caleb,” he didn't know where to begin. He knew that Caleb wasn't talking about him being back in his own body. He was talking about all the sweet things Caduceus had told him about how the Nien remembered him. Molly was pretty sure they all were suffering a bit of memory loss due to grief, making him out to be better than he really was, but he found it sweet nonetheless.

“I don't know how to be anyone else, dear. Couldn't if I tried.” Molly said. That at least was true.

“Exactly.” Caleb took his hand from Molly’s knee, suddenly showing a bit of nervousness. How this man could go from spoiling him with incredible magic Molly couldn’t have ever imagined, to self-conscious was a mystery. Caleb seemed to make a choice, and continued.

“You are refreshing, if I am honest. There are not many people in this world who really mean what they say, and follow through with their actions. I might not have understood or agreed with the things you did, or even the way you saw the world, but your optimism and compassion that you treated others, it was - it is admirable. Even from that first night at the inn, I could tell you were genuine about things that mattered. For a man that proudly claimed to be a liar, I have never seen you bend the truth more than what was necessary. Never for selfish gain, but always to help others, never to betray. It took me a little while, but I trust you, and my trust isn’t easily won. That has not changed, not for me, and I am certain with a little bit of time, the others .”

Molly had no idea what to say. It was completely unexpected, however, something told him that Caleb was saying this more for himself than for him. There was a bit of a wrinkle around his eyes that looked as though he was in pain. Molly never did get to hear his story from before they all became the Mighty Nien, and he still didn't know all that happened while he was gone, but Caleb spoke like a man who had been let down far too many times. Molly wanted to explain how it was just easier for him to be brash and bold, because he chose to ignore consequences. That thinking of what could be was just too hard for him when he had already died once, and now that he died a second time … he wasn’t sure how he felt about his naivety. Instead, he chose to continue on the now.

“I trust you too Caleb. I knew you were a lot more than the shy, cowardly wizard that you wanted all of us to think you were. I hoped with time, you would realize it was ok to love yourself and let us care for you. I am a little sad that I missed the inbetween, but I am glad you are there.” Caleb chuckled at Molly’s confession.

“I am not quite, work in progress as it were, but you might make it a little easier for me.” Caleb was blushing, obviously still not used to praise. That was ok, Molly could work with him on that. He wanted to take the wizard’s hand, but he didn't want to push too far.

“Speaking of time and progress, how long has it been?” Molly had been avoiding asking anyone, because judging on appearances, it seemed to be a while.

“Almost a year.” Caleb replied almost flatly, as though he didn't believe it himself.

“Well fuck me sideways.”

They both laughed at the bit of brevity.

“Incredible. After a year, you all followed Lucien into this creepy fucking city, just to bring me back? How did that plan work?” He asked, the memory of the alley way still sending chills down his spine.

“Not exactly.” Caleb almost looked, ashamed. “We had been told that you were gone forever, and were actually following him to kill him before he could … it’s a long story for another day. We had no plan. I am very sorry for that. But it seems as if luck was on our side.”

“But if you didn't know, and didn’t have a plan, how - how did you call me?” Molly was bewildered. It was fine that they didn't actually come for him, but it made his return very confusing.

“A hunch? I couldn't be sure, but there had been a few moments when Lucien interacted with the others that … that I was sure I could see you. Certain words or memories seemed to trigger Lucien. Your face has always been the easiest for me to read of all the Nien, you were never very good at hiding your emotions. I could probably beat you at a cards.” Molly started to protest, but Caleb kept going.

“However I could not know that it was not wishful thinking, and I did not want to get the other’s hope up if it wasn't true and risk themselves.” Caleb looked so sad for a moment. “But I am a hypocrite, when it came to a moment of choosing whether to let them try and kill Lucien and never know, or to let myself hope, I did.” His hands had unconsciously gone to gently rub at his neck, where Molly could just now see bruised flesh, bruises in the shape of his own fingertips.

“Caleb! I am so -”

“Nien. It was not you. I am alright.” Molly still reached out to sooth the bruise, before realizing that Caleb probably didn’t want his hands anywhere near them. Still, the wizard reached out and took Molly’s hand in both of his before finishing.

“I did not know, but I tried to use every memory that I had of things you had said or done that had impacted us in some way. It worked, ja?” Caleb’s eyes looked glassy but was smiling, and Molly had to work very hard not to cry again.

“Ah, the kiss on the forhead. You are a genius. I am lucky you didn’t slap me first.” Was all he could think to say, while giving Caleb’s hand a squeeze. He had been a bit clumsy in that attempt to break the wizard out of the panic state he had been in all that time ago, not knowing what else to do, but it worked. “Wait, if you used memories and such, why the kiss? The one on the lips. We have never kissed before.” Molly didn’t mean it to sound like an accusation, but it was a little odd to him.

“Ja, yes, that.” Caleb looked suddenly very flustered. It was kind of cute, if unnecessary. Molly didn't mind, just wanted to know. “Ah, instinct? ‘What would Mollymauk do’ as it were?”

“That’s fair. I do like a good kiss.” He couldn’t help but grin at the full body flush that Caleb now had. “And that was a very good kiss Mr. Caleb.” The man pulled his hands away in embarrassment, but Molly wasn’t quite done flirting. “I can already see all the free drinks at taverns when I share this story. ‘I was pulled back from the dead with a passionate kiss from a very handsome wizard!’” He leaned back on his elbows as he spoke, just to get a good look at Caleb’s reaction.

“As long as you share some of those drinks, let’s call it even, shall we?” Some of the embarrassment had faded, and that just wouldn’t do. Molly was feeling more and more like himself, and had a bit more flirt left in him.

“I will get you all the drinks you want, love. But you will have to tell me where you learned how to kiss like that, which one of these assholes have you been practicing with? My money is on the dr-” but Caleb quickly cut him off, and Molly could see he took it a bit too far.

“Nien, no one. I, ah, have not kissed anyone in a very long time, but I promise you - I, er - I had not meant for it to be ‘passionate’, simply … I acted without thinking.” Molly could see that Caleb was about to apologize, but he was the one that should.

“Darling, it’s a compliment, really. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I know you didn’t mean anything by it, just hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Worst ways to be greeted back into the world.” Molly tried to sound as carefree as possible. There was a little frown that appeared on Caleb's face, and Molly was worried he was still somehow fucking this up. But it disappeared, and he was thankful when Caleb turned to face him.

“As though you could think anyone would not enjoy kissing you Mollymauk.” Oh that was bold, he did like that. He was about to respond with something probably entirely too dirty, but Caleb stood.

“It is getting late, and you look to be in much better spirits, would you like me to fetch Yahsa now? Or I can show you to her room?” Right, he was still very tired, and the way he was lounging back looking up at the wizard was making him just want to fall back into the pillows and close his eyes, though Yasha’s company would make that a lot better. Besides, Caleb still had to show that grumpy Essek guy his room too. Molly had taken up too much of his time.

“Yasha will probably love this room as much as me, thank you.” He said. Caleb seemed to concentrate, and Molly remembered that he and Beau could still do that creepy mind talking thing. But he wasn't going to worry about that right now. It didn’t take long before there was a knocking on the door, and Caleb moved to open it. Without thinking, Molly jumped up to catch him before he could reach it. He embraced the other man, wanting to just one more moment with him.

“Thank you.” He knew it was silly, and it didnt really convey the gravity of what had been done for him. But he had to say it anyway. Caleb hugged him back, an arm snaking around his waist, and the other resting gently in between his shoulder blades, a cheek pressed to the side of his horn. “Always, Mollymauk.”

________

The moment Caleb turned back to the door to leave Mollymauk’s room, he felt the worry and stress creep back in. He didn’t want to leave. It was easy to be with Molly, his effortless charm and the fact that Caleb always seemed to know where he stood with the tiefling. Even as Molly had been crying in his arms, Caleb knew it wasn't because of anything he did, and that he would show the wizard what he needed even if he didn’t know how to put it into words.

Caleb had seen Molly rubbing his fingers where there should have been rings, noticed him frustratingly brushing his dirty hair back, and picked up on how he was avoiding his own reflection in the windows. These were all things Caleb could relate to in one way or another. The horrible skin crawling feeling of not knowing what to do in your own skin after someone had used you for their own purpose. He was just glad he was able to help a bit.

It was wonderful to get to see Molly get comfortable again, even if that meant he was still a giant flirt. But that also meant the incredibly perceptive Molly was back too. Caleb didn’t know how he managed it, but he always seemed to be able to crawl into people’s minds and see when they were lying, or holding back. It made him great with people, useful and getting information.

So for a terrifying moment, when he asked Caleb about that kiss and how it wasn’t a call back to a memory, he was worried Molly was going to see it on his face. That it was a memory, just not one Molly remembered, but obviously some part of him did. That was not their first kiss, but their second.

But it would have been too much, Molly had enough to get used to and learn about the Mighty Nien, and that would have only complicated things further.

Caleb opened the door to find Yasha standing there, positively beaming at him. Part of his stress washed away again. Yasha also knew, even better than Caleb, what it felt like to lose control over yourself, and hurt those you love. She had been doing so much better, thanks in large part to Beau, and Caleb felt grateful that she could now help her best friend heal too.

She started to slip through the door that Caleb held for her, but paused just long enough to say, “Beau would like a word with you.”

Caleb ran a frustrated hand through his face. He did not want to speak with her, he knew what she wanted. He floated downwards and sent a telepathic thought to her.

“Hallo Beauregard, I understand you would like to speak, but could this possibly wait until morning? I am quite exhausted.”

“Have you shown Essek his room yet?” Her quick reply came.

“Nien.”

“Then no. My room, now.”

He really was too tired for this. They had spent the day fighting the monsters of Aeor, then an Elemental, jumped through a portal, had two confrontations with Lucien, and only then tried to make camp in this terrifying city. It made a good recipe for heightened emotions and bad choices. He thought about just ignoring her, and going to the wizard that was waiting in his library. However, he knew she wouldn't leave him alone, probably send him telepathic threats of violence until he answered her.

Almost before he could knock, she was pulling him in, dragging him past the sitting room and into her bedroom where they were alone.

“So…” She started, crossing her arms angrily and tapping her toe expectantly.

“Beauregard, I am not sure what it is that you want of me-”

“I want to know why you made a room for a dead man in your fucked up hall of memories.” Caleb briseled, her tone full of accusations, and he had no idea where to start with them. He found that he was unable to lie to Beau without her noticing, so he led with a half truth.

“I started thinking about the tower right after Jester, Fjord and Yasha were taken. As a means to insure that it would never happen again if I could help it.” He paused, that was not a time either of them enjoyed remembering. “Molly was still with us, and his room was the easiest to imagine, he was not particularly shy about showing off his tastes.”

“So you made some weird red-room thing for him, a wall covered with dilldos, and that’s why you hid it away?” Her voice had yet to lose any of its sharpness.

Not exactly, he thought.

“No Beau,” He replied “It is a just a bedroom as colorful as him.”

“Then why not include Molly’s room down here with the rest of ours? You were not the only one grieving you know? We could have visited his room too.” She sounded just a touch hurt, and he knew why. He knew she blamed herself, foolishly.

Because it was not his room, it was mine. He would have rather died in that moment then to admit that to her. Then to explain how on hard nights of travel and battle, he would leave his own room on the 7th level once everyone had gone to bed, go to that room and open the large windows concealing the moon he had recreated, and would just talk to Mollymauk. Tell him how their day had gone, explain his worries for the others, or theories of their adventures. He would ask for advice, knowing he wouldn’t get it, but it helped to imagine his friend could hear him.

Other nights, when the guilt and regret were more than he felt he could handle, he would lay in the large bed and try and feel a little less alone. It rarely worked, but he did get some comfort from it. Because above all else, this room was a reminder of a possibility, what could have happened if Caleb hadn’t been such a coward. Had he not contemplated leaving all of them the night before, just barely deciding to stay, but not doing nearly enough to protect them. Mollymauk had died painfully, and he possibly could have lived had Caleb had just been a little smarter, a little braver. It was a reminder not to make that same mistake twice, because this room really could have been Molly’s had he just been better.

And then there were the nights where Caleb just had too much pent up frustration, too much stress to think clearly, that he would go to that room and …

He cut off his own thoughts, they were not helpful with the question at hand. Another half truth then.

“Because I was embarrassed. I did not know what to do with my, um well -” He knew he needed to give Beau more truth, she did deserve it, the two of them having shared so much pain together over the last year. And he knew he could trust her, but there were still things he did not trust himself to say out loud. “... my stupid crush. I believe that is how it is said in common.”

It didn’t shock him that Beau was not at all surprised, of course she knew. She waited for him to continue. She was rarely patient, but she could be unnervingly stubborn when she knew it meant she would get her way.

“When he left us, I had just started to accept that possibly it was ok if others cared for me. Not to expect it, but to let them. He showed me a kindness I had never experienced before. One without expectations, freely given with a care for permission. Open with his affection, however I was not ready at the time to confront how I felt about that at the time. His death was hard for me in a very selfish way. I have been trying since to pass on the lessons he gave me, even if I have been clumsy with it.”

Beau softened, her arms relaxed at her sides, and Caleb half feared she would hug him.  But she didn’t, she did something worst.

“I am so sorry Cay.”

All was silent for several moments. Caleb thought about just turning and leaving, already having said too much without having to say goodnight as well. But Beau had no plans to release him yet.

“So what are you going to do about it.”

He would have rathered her punch him.

“Nothing.” He said, flatley. “We are both very different men. It has been a long time since we have seen him last. I have changed, mostly for the better I hope, but he has gone through something incredibly difficult and traumatic. Coming home after so much time has passed, to find that all your friends have moved on and you now wear the face of a man they tried to kill? Its bound to … fuck him up, as it were.” He paused, Beau was grimacing, but he could tell she understood. “What happens next is up to him. If he chooses to stay with us, or take him back to Trostenwald and his circus, it is up to him. He has earned that choice for all the ones he hasn't gotten to make.” He knew it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, but it was the best he had.

She relaxed at his answer, but only for a minute. Caleb braced himself uselessly.

“So what about Essek?” Gods she was a menace.

“What about him?” His returned question just prompted more frustration from her.

“Oh you know, the other purple dude that just so happens to also be a super angsty wizard like you, that you have been shamelessly flirting with for days? The one that every time you guys are in the same room, we all have to suffer through the suffocating sexual tension? The one waiting for you to show you his ‘room’, not the guest room?” Each sentence was pointed and bared directly at him.

“Nothing.” He repeated, “I will admit a certain level of attraction, but I am not going to do something foolish as risk all of you. Not when we don’t really know where his loyalties will lie when we leave Aeor. “ It was a simplification of the truth, but still very much true.

“I am not sure you get that choice.”

“How do you mean?”

“Because he obviously has the hots for you dude. He has been working very hard to get into your pants, and I think for the long haul.”  She was looking at him like he was stupid, and he resented that. Of course, he knew that Esske returned the attraction,  and would've had to be blind to not to see it. He wanted very much to reciprocate, he wanted to drag the man into one of the various halls of Aeor, and finally put to rest his theories on how it would feel to kiss him. He had wanted the wizard to embrace him from almost their first meetings. Caleb could still feel the burning on the back of his skull from where Essek had touched him to guide his attention to the dodecahedron, unknowingly distracting him from anything by Essek’s hand. But he needed time, they both did. Time to know that Essek’s motivations were true and could be trusted. There was so much the two hadn't shared with each other, too many secrets and lies still. Too risky with the political and power games they both played to just ignore. Beau though didn't wait for him to answer.

“Hate to admit it, but I don’t want to see the guy get hurt. Not just because he can be a scary motherfucker, but because he is our friend.” She sighed “ And then there is Molly, and really don't want him to get hurt. You know he likes you back?” She asked, but she seemed to know the answer.

Yes, he did. He thought. Of course he noticed Mollymauk treating him much differently than the others. He had flirted, teased, much the same as he did with everyone. However he was a lot more gentle about it, never touched him if Caleb requested space. However alway remained within 5 feet of him if he was exposed in battle to protect him, rather taking a blade himself then Caleb. At first he thought it was a tactical thing, to protect the wizard who is very squishy. But when Molly continued to protect him, sometimes from himself, he knew Mollymauk had singled him out. He has been fairly certain that not even Molly knew how he himself felt, unaware of his different affection since he tended to live his life in the short term and on whims. But Caleb knew.

It had been uncomfortable, and he resisted, but the tiefling unconsciously started tearing down his walls. Then he died, things had changed, and now was very different from then.

“I know.” was all he managed to whisper. He said nothing more for a long time, just looking at the floor of Beau’s room.

“What do you want?” The telegraphed thought surprised him, but she must have known answering aloud would have been too hard. He dragged a frustrated hand through his face before answering,

“I do not know.”

“Well, you better figure it out before getting Essek alone in a room.” She didn’t say anything more, just turned and head to the bathroom he made her, leaving him to see himself out and figure out what he was going to do.

He just needed more time.

[intergalacticwanderer]

I saw this post the other day by @sunstarelanor​, absolutely laughed my ass off, and decided I had to write something based on it. It ended up being self indulgent fluff more than crack, but hey, what can you do sometimes (spoilers for episodes 114 and sort of 115).

(AO3 Link)

-------

It became clear something was wrong as soon as the spell went off.

The diamond dissolved over Vess’ body as expected. What was not expected however was the strange thrum that went through the air when it did, all of the red eye markings on the body flashing at once. Jester jerked back in alarm, quickly retreating to the rest of the group as Yasha and Fjord drew their blades. They’d known going in that there was a risk to reviving Vess, but they thought it’d involve politics, or the fact that she’d been involved in a weird cult. Not something going wrong with the spell itself. Then again, maybe it shouldn’t have been a surprise with the weird cult stuff going on. Everyone held their breath.

The silence was broken by a gasp. The body rolled to the side, coughing, before taking a few wheezing breaths. Swords were slowly lowered.

So the resurrection itself seemed to have worked. But something still felt off.

Caleb approached tentatively, looking back to the rest of the Mighty Nein before focusing on Vess. “Lady DeRogna?” This was going to be the tricky part. Jester had revived the Archmage, but she had still died while under their watch and it was uncertain how much she’d be willing to cooperate. Perhaps if he could -

“The fuck?”

Everyone froze.

Vess had propped herself up on her elbows, glancing around at the second floor of the mansion with a look of sheer bewilderment on her face.

“Seriously, what the fuck is going on?”

Caleb blinked several times, caught off guard. This was far from what he’d expected to hear from Lady DeRogna. They already knew she’d been hiding things, and that she’d just been brought back from the dead; perhaps this was a side she didn’t usually show other people? He didn’t fully buy it, but it was the only thing he could think of.

“I, ah, apologize, Lady Vess, but we discovered your body a few days ago. It appears that you had been murdered by a member of the Tomb Takers. We have brought you back, but we have... questions about your past involvement with the group.”

While he spoke Caleb kept an eye on Vess to see if there was any reaction. Instead, however, he saw her barely paying attention as she sat up, groping at the sides of her head and forehead as if looking for something.

Jester leaned out from behind Caleb. “Ummm... are you okay?”

The hands stopped, lowering as Vess turned to look at her. “Jester?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s me!”

She stared for several seconds, hands in her lap. Slowly she turned back. “Caleb?”

“Yes?”

“... who’s Vess?”

What?

“Wait,” Fjord said while stepping forward with a hand in the air, “Do you not remember? Like, anything?”

“She knows some of our names,” Caduceus added, leaning on his staff as he watched Vess staring back at the two of them. “That’s something.”

“Yes, but why would she remember our names and not her own?”

“A good question.”

Vess looked at the half orc. “Fjord,” she said, and he straightened, but no follow up statement came. Her face was blank when she looked at Caduceus and Veth, but Veth’s face was hardly blank in return, the halfling woman scowling with a hand resting on her crossbow. Vess’ eyes landed on the crossbow and she paused, looking over to Caleb and back to Veth with a thoughtful expression. After a few moments her gaze turned to the last two individuals present.

Beau was standing slightly in front of Yasha, almost protectively, while Yasha rested one of her hands on Beau’s shoulder with Magician’s Judge held in her other hand. Vess stared at the two of them the longest out of anyone so far, face slowly splitting into a grin and eyes watering.

“I still have no idea what the fuck is happening but gods is it good to see you assholes again.”

Vess went to stand - and almost immediately collapsed, Caleb having to rush forward to catch her before she face planted into the floor. His confusion only grew as she dissolved into nervous giggles, Vess mumbling something that sounded like “have tits,” but he wasn’t able to catch the rest. He shot a panicked look to the rest of the group.

“I’m going to echo that, what the fuck is happening?” Beau said, gesturing with one of her arms. “Did the spell get messed up? Can it get messed up?”

“Raise dead can fail just like any other spell,” Caduceus said. He tilted his head. “Though I can’t say I’ve heard of it causing an entirely different personality.”

“Could… could it be a different person? Not just a different personality?” Yasha had stepped forward, hand shifting on Beau’s shoulder and something vulnerable in her expression. Beau looked over and her face softened, placing her hand over Yasha’s.

“Might as well get to the point then,” Fjord said, looking straight at the half-elf and crossing his arms. “Are you Lady Vess DeRogna?”

“No,” Vess said, shaking her head. “And I have no idea who the fuck that is.”

“She could be lying,” Veth said as she scooched forward, also confused but mostly still suspicious. “I don’t trust her. Jester, you should do the truth thingy.”

“Zone of truth?”

“Yes! That one.”

Jester hummed in thought, looked at the others for approval, and then nodded. “Okay.” She made a shooing motion at the rest of the group and they backed out of the range of the spell, Caleb gingerly propping Vess up against the table she’d been revived on before quickly shuffling over. Jester clapped her hands together and rocked back and forth on her feet.

“Sorry about this Lady Not-Vess, but it should be over soon!”

The spell was cast and Vess shivered as it passed over her, relaxing again a moment later.

“Alright. Ask away,” she said.

“Are you Lady Vess DeRogna?”

“Already answered. No.”

A murmur went through the group, Jester’s eyebrows raising. It seemed like they really could be dealing with someone else entirely here.

“Do you intend to harm any of us?” Caleb asked.

Vess forcefully shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

“Do you consider us your friends?” Caduceus asked, which earned him a few confused looks. Caduceus shrugged. “She seemed pretty friendly earlier.”

“I don’t know you specifically, so I can’t say, but yes, I consider you guys my friends,” Vess said, grinning.

Yasha stared hard, grip white knuckled on her sword and expression intense.

“What is your name?”

Vess grinned even wider at all of them.

“My name is Mollymauk Tealeaf,” she said, “Molly to my friends.” And passed out.

Needless to say, everyone absolutely lost their shit.

***

10 minutes later the group was arranged in a circle on the floor, Molly-Vess wrapped in a blanket and propped up against Yasha while holding a mug of hot cocoa. Beau continued to stare as he slurped loudly, Molly letting out a long sigh once the sip was finished.

“Thank you, for everything. I have no idea how, but thank you.” He smiled and leaned closer into Yasha, resting Vess’ head on her shoulder while Yasha rubbed his back. “The new body thing is weird, but better that than nothing.”

“Actually,” Beau said, looking at one of the hands peeking out from under the blanket as Molly perked up, “I think I have an idea about that.” She reached forward and tapped the red eye showing on the back of the right hand, Molly looking down and grimacing as he noticed it for the first time. “Vess has these things too, tied up with all this “nonagon” stuff, and when we tried to revive her they all went crazy. I think there might’ve been, like... mixed up messages or something, since you used to have these things too.”

“Huh.” He spent several seconds looking at the eye, steam rising from the cocoa. “Her loss, my gain I guess. How’d she end up dead, anyway?” he asked, looking around at the group. “You said something about the Tomb Takers?”

“You did it,” Jester blurted out, and Molly’s eyes widened as she hurried to continue. “Or, no, not you, it was Lucien! Your body. We’d been trying to follow you. But, we know now it’s not you, since you’re here, but we didn’t know then.”

“The Tomb Takers resurrected your body a couple months ago,” Caduceus added, “but we only found out in the last few weeks.”

“That’s...” Molly trailed off, clearly at a loss for words.  “... don’t even know how to process that right now.” He let out a long breath, giving himself a little shake. “Anyway! I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced,” he said, holding out a hand to Caduceus.

“Caduceus Clay, pleasure to meet you,” he said, gladly accepting the handshake. “Even if the circumstances are a bit strange.”

Molly barked out a laugh. “That’s an understatement. So how’d you meet these disasters?” He grinned as Beau rolled her eyes, though it was clear there wasn’t any heat in the gesture.

“I met them in Shady Creek Run, lived in the Blooming Grove at the time. They needed my help after...”

Caduceus trailed off this time, remembering who he was talking to. The whole group went quiet.

“Ah.” Molly found himself focusing rather intently on the mug of cocoa. “You guys - took care of the problem?”

“Yes,” Caleb and Beau said forcefully at the same time, and Veth gave a sharp nod.

“Good.” He nodded slightly to himself. “Good.” Molly looked back up to Caduceus, smiling again. “Thank you for looking after them.”

“More than happy to,” he said, giving a smile of his own.

“So!” Molly straitened up and drummed his nails against the cocoa mug. “Anyone want to fill me on the current craziness?  Like why you had to revive a lady named Vess, and why she got murdered by my hijacked body?”

“Sure, but it might take a while,” Jester said. “You okay with a really really long explanation?”

“As long as you need, lay it on me!” Molly said, gesturing dramatically with one of his hands.

The group proceeded to go through recent events, Molly listening intently while taking occasional sips of the cocoa. More than once he had to ask for clarification on something, which would then lead to a tangent, which then had to be wrestled back on topic, but eventually they managed to get through the gist of what had occurred, plus several other topics that had come up in said tangents.

“So, just, quick clarification now that we’re wrapping up,” Molly said, cocoa now finished and mug on the floor, “on the way here you guys got attacked by Fjord’s ex-girlfriend, who worked for Fjord’s ex-patron, who also managed to kill Fjord on a different sea voyage? And you met this ex-girlfriend after becoming pirates? On accident?”

“That is a gross over simplification-”

“But totally accurate,” Veth said, expression smug as Fjord deflated. He let out a defeated sigh.

“And you!” Molly said, jabbing a finger at Veth who jumped slightly, “A halfing and married with a kid! Last fucking thing I expected, but gotta say, I’m happy for you.”

“Not sure how I feel about those words coming out of that mouth,” Veth said, squinting, “... but thank you.” She gave a small nod, preening a little.

Molly grinned and nodded back. “Honestly,” he said, looking at everyone, “happy for all of you, you look amazing! Not to mention all of -” he gestured wildly at the chamber around them - “this! Holy shit! No more sleeping under a cart here.”

Caleb smiled slightly. “Well, there is more to see if you would like.”

Molly’s head whipped over, eyes huge.

“Please.”

“Alright then,” Caleb said, standing up and brushing off the front of his pants. “It will be a more limited tour for now, due to the late hour, but I can show you at least one more floor.”

The rest of them got to their feet, Yasha helping Molly stand and supporting him with an arm around his waist. “Just think up,” she said to him.

“What do you mea-” He yelped in surprise as everyone started to float upwards, briefly sinking in Yasha’s grip before righting himself and bobbing back into place. “This night has been amazing,” he whispered. “And surreal. So so surreal.”

He looked up, face awed as the iris opened above them and head darting around as they entered the third floor of the tower.

“This is the Salon,” Caleb said, closing the iris below them with a quiet “zu” and settling gently onto the floor, the group following a moment later. “These three levels act as our library, with furniture and study areas in a few different places. The books are all ones I’ve read in the past though there may be a duplicate here and there.”

“You’ve read a lot of fucking books,” Molly murmured, craning his neck around to view as much as could while leaning in Yasha’s arm. “Any highlights I need to see?”

“There is one thing,” Caleb said, and gestured for everyone to follow.

Molly continued to look around as they went around the corner, sound of a crackling fire growing closer - and stopped dead when he saw what was in front of him, being jostled slightly as it took Yasha a second to stop. His mouth hung open as he stared.

“This has been here since the beginning,” Caleb said quietly, standing before the fireplace and the giant stain glass window styled to resemble Molly’s coat. “But I thought it might be good for you to see it.”

Molly’s mouth worked for a few moments, no sound coming out. He swallowed.

“Molly?” Yasha asked gently.

“I’m really here,” he whispered, eyes welling up. “I’m alive and I’m here.”

He started to cry, to sob even, and everyone came forward at once. Yasha just put her other arm around him to complete a hug, murmuring that it was okay, and Molly reached up to grab her forearm.

“Why are you crying? You shouldn’t have to cry.” Veth.

“Hey man, it’s alright...” Fjord.

“Molls, hey, it’s okay, we’re here okay?” Beau.

“Please don’t cry Molly! We’re all here for you.” Jester.

“You are safe here, you don’t have to worry.” Caleb.

“Deep breaths. You’re going to be alright.” Caduceus.

There were several long shuddering breaths, a few hiccupping sobs, and eventually, a release of tension as things settled into regular breathing. Yasha checked that he was steady and eased back from the hug, arm back around the waist to give him support.

Molly gave a wet laugh, sniffling a little. “I’m not even that upset, it’s just - it just kept coming for a bit. Wow.” He scrubbed at his eyes furiously, giving another sniff. “I’m okay guys. I’m okay.”

“We’re glad you’re okay,” Caduceus said, placing a hand on Molly’s shoulder. “And it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, a lot has happened to you tonight. Don’t hesitate to talk to any of us if you need it.”

“I, uh, sure.” He gave himself a strong shake. “Yeah. Thanks. And I will.”

Molly rubbed the last of the tears away from his eyes and stifled a yawn. “H-how late is it?”

“Pretty late,” Beau said. “Well past midnight at least. Our guide’s staying in the guest room and we didn’t want him interrupting the resurrection on accident.” She paused. “Actually, wait, where are you going to sleep? Shit, Caleb, can you make another room?”

“Ah, no, not on the bedroom floors, but I could set up something in the great hall?”

“You could room with me if you wanted,” Fjord offered. “There’s both a bed and hammock in my room, and I can take the hammock.”

Molly leaned into Yasha, thinking for a long moment.

“Could... could we set up something here? Together? It doesn’t have to be everyone,” he added quickly. “It’s just. It’s been a lot and some close company would be nice. Really nice,” he said quietly.

“We can do that,” Beau said, starting with nodding slowly but it getting more forceful. “Yeah, we can do that.”

“Sounds good to me,” Fjord said, and Caduceus hummed in assent, nodding.

Veth shrugged. “Why not.”

“Pillow foooort!” Jester threw her arms up in the air. “Come on guys, come on, help me find the stuff!”

The group spread out and grabbed blankets, pillows, and cushions from all around the salon, depositing it in a large pile in front of the fireplace while Jester fluffed the pillows and Beau figured out the best way to arrange things. Caleb banked the fireplace with a wave of his hand, it settling down to a soft and quiet glow.

“We’re going to go get ready for bed, but we’ll be back in a moment, okay?” Yasha said, gently setting Molly down. He nodded.

“Okay.”

Several minutes later Molly stirred back to consciousness, having dozed off, a few people now settling in around him. Jester gave a little wave, nestling down into a mound of pillows, while Beau was already snoring quietly next to Yasha. Fjord had taken a line of cushions made up like a bed with a blanket and pillow. Veth sprawled out without a care. Caduceus saw him and nodded, as if he’d been waiting for the acknowledgement, and laid down to go to sleep. Molly looked around.

“Caleb?”

“Over here,” the wizard said quietly, sitting in a chair near the fireplace. “You should sleep.”

“Only if you do too,” Molly mumbled. His eyes were already drooping.

“I will. Now sleep.”

He dozed off again, the amount of time uncertain, but at some point in the night felt one more person settle down. Soon he heard Frumpkin’s quiet trill, Caleb murmuring small affections to his cat, and Molly smiled, finally drifting off to sleep.

***

When the Mighty Nein showed up the next morning at breakfast with Lady DeRogna suddenly in tow, Dagen gave them a Look.

“We had an unexpected visitor in the middle of the night,” Caleb said as a way of explanation as he sat down at the table. “Lady DeRogna messaged us for assistance and we went to her aid. Since there was no immediate danger we figured it would be better to let you rest.”

Dagen looked over to where Vess had been placed at the table. The Archmage was bundled in a ridiculous amount of blankets, barely visible except for her head and the occasional hand that would dart out for some food. Sometimes after a bite she would lean over to whisper to the tall aasimar or blue tiefling sitting next to her, who would then whisper back for a few seconds. There was also a small train of food gradually being passed over by the other members of the table, any finished food item immediately being replaced by something new.

“She did require some healing though, and she will need time to fully recover,” Fjord added in, briefly distracting Dagen from his observations. “We are doing what we can to make her comfortable.”

Vess muffled a small burp, hand flying up to cover her mouth.

“Uh huh,” Dagen said. “... glad to see you’re alright Lady DeRogna.”

Vess gave a muffled “mmhm,” hand still over her mouth, before ducking her head down and continuing eating.

Dagen chewed slowly, watching Vess for a solid few minutes. “Hrm.” He looked back to Caleb.

“She gonna be okay to travel? You said yourself this place doesn’t last, and Eiselcross isn’t exactly friendly.”

Caleb thought about how he would answer. Fjord and Veth were arguing over something nonsensical, continuing to pass food down the table while Vess leaned over to whisper something Jester, the tiefling bursting into giggles and Yasha shaking her head. Beau watched all of them, chin on her hand, and Caduceus just smiled, sipping on his cup of tea.

“You know,” Caleb said, smiling, “I think we’re going to be okay.”

[your-turn-to-role]

For the title ask thing: “those who favor fire” and/or “jericho’s walls”

sure thing, thanks anon!

those who favor fire - i, had to check for a moment that this wasn't actually an episode title, because you've certainly got the vibe down 😂

i mean, caleb or keyleth, really, when fire comes up, you gotta give at least one to them

i think i'll go caleb for this one, because it's really making me want to do something blumendrei exploratory, and also, have been lowkey wanting to write something for a while in the aftermath of That Night? because god the whole dynamic there fascinates me

i think i’d probably start out with some of their past moments too, to actually cover the those who favor fire part more, and the actual dynamic between these three and what they were good at and like... i feel like when they were kids they had very much a, they’re all super smart kids, but within that niche, astrid was the main brains and ambition of the group, bren definitely had enough to be competitive but was the primary charisma of the three, and wulf was both the strength of the group and the emotional support, someone’s gotta be the backbone of this trio. and we know trent kept pushing for bren as the leader but he never wanted that position and always thought of astrid as the leader and then you’ve got that weird tension of astrid not knowing where exactly she stands here, and both her and wulf kinda following in that “well i guess bren’s the leader” thought bc he is good at it, and probably does end up taking the lead in more situations than he realises. (also plenty of their specific skills in that part bc i wanna know what the others’ preferred specialisations and schools of magic are, like we know bren back then was evocation, then switched to transmutation as caleb (which i have other thoughts on, see this post for a few of them, but mainly the fact that the evocation specialisation lets you choose who in the area of effect gets burned by your fire spells, whereas transmutation doesn’t, it just explodes and what happens happens), but also all we know of the others is that astrid favoured poison as a killing method, we don’t know much else about their actual magical skill sets)

so plenty of headcanons to go wild with there, and i’d wanna explore those to the extent of my imagination, so some scenes about both them before the academy and them during.

but then we get to That Night and it just, completely upsets the entire dynamic and i really wanna explore the perspective from the other two here? like... trent knew what they were doing, because he planned it, but they didn’t know that, at the time. they were doing it because they were ashamed, because they believed this was the only right thing to do and the only way to save face. with that amount of indoctrination? admitting they had traitor families would have been the worst possible thing they could do, because that could make them be seen as traitors by association. so the best way this night could go for them is to get it all done and out of the way and then come back to the academy like nothing happened. they’re skilled enough, practiced enough, that trent never has to find out.

and they’ve had all this training building them up as the best of society, the elite, no one else can handle what they can handle. there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that ego, they cannot fail, it’s absolutely unthinkable

they may know in theory not everyone makes it through this program. but they never thought that would affect them

so what happens when the unthinkable happens? they’re already probably not handling themselves great, because the unthinkable already happened, in a sense, by finding out their parents are traitors and by killing them, that’s already stretched all of these kids to the limit, even if two of them kept their composure. but this, more than anything, is what really shatters that trio, because bren is the one who was made to be the leader, he’s the core of their group in several ways, and they know he can be just as ruthless and calculating as they are and he should have been able to handle this. but he doesn’t, and it flips their entire worldview on his head, and not only that, but he lashes out at them, he’s always had perfect control over fire and now it’s just raging and burning and sparing no one. and no one can solve this problem for them, they’ve gotta figure out what to do by themselves. seventeen and knowing you just killed your blood family, that all you have left is the people in front of you, and you have to subdue one of them so he doesn’t kill you or burn this entire town to the ground and there’s no one you can go to for help, because you can’t tell anyone you were here

and then what? how long do they wait before they give up on him getting over this? they’ve got a few days before their absence is noticed, probably, because they said they were heading home to visit, so now they’ve gotta find somewhere to hide and hope he snaps out of it soon. maybe it was just this breakdown, he had to get it out of his system, but he still did the same as they all did, he hasn’t failed yet, as long as he comes back to himself before they have to return, they can pretend like this never happened. astrid’s hurt and none of them are particularly good at healing but that can be fixed too, these things happen, they’ll think of some excuse. but the longer that goes on, the worse it starts to feel, and maybe there’s no way out of this after all. maybe you have to admit that things will never go back to normal, nothing is promised, and you have to look out for yourself and only yourself.

and i think those few days of loneliness and uncertainty and fear and still trying to cling to each other despite that would be, very fun to explore

jericho's walls - this could be any of these cagey fucks, but i'm feeling a beau vibe the most? actually you know what with the recent beauyasha let's make it about that. because god, walls of jericho is such a strong imagery when it comes to people and relationships and like... it’s about the violent breaking down of walls but also the freedom that comes with and especially with these two. they’ve both got so many walls up, beau with her childhood of neglect and mistrust of everyone and yasha who keeps trying but has been through so much loss already, who found love with zuala and molly and both of them died, who’s been twisted to other people’s wills too often, and struggles with making herself known

i think this as a fic would work best with a bunch of little scenes, some from canon, some not, of their slow careful dance around each other because while they can both be loud and brash in their flirting, neither wants to risk hurting the other

and then our finale is what i assume we’re bound to get eventually bc i think when you actually open those floodgates and break down those walls we’re gonna get everything at once

it’s a really interesting relationship the two of them have because it feels like they’re both still on a precipice, everyone knows at this point they’re both into each other, there’s no surprise about that, it’s a question of, when you put these two very brash and fighty girls together, do they break each other, build each other up, or smash through those walls to make something new together

[send me a made-up fic title and i’ll tell you what i would write to go with it]

[roronoasanjii]

I thought it was a shame to just leave this in a folder and never do anything with it so here’s an old Critical Role fic idea I came up with. It’s only written like notes but I still really like it.

Hope you enjoy!

Caleb is in the witness protection scheme. He killed his parents when he was younger (thirteen) and they sent him away and changed his name to protect him after he spent a couple of years in a mental health facility. He came out the other side of it feeling better than he did, but still majorly suffering from depression.

Caleb is an orphan, through his own doing, and none of his family wanted anything to do with him so he is now in foster care.

He has a deep British-German mix accent.

He attends the same high school as the gang, having being enrolled there when he left the mental health facility and came to live at the group home. He struggled to make friends out of fear of anyone knowing who he was, but he comes to be friends with a guy called Mollymauk in his classes who then further introduces him to the rest of the gang.

Caleb hasn't been fostered when we first meet him, he's still in a group home which he hates, and the gang notice this so they try as much as possible to keep Caleb away from there by inviting him out, or round to their houses.

At some point Caleb is fostered and the gang immediately notice that he seems different; he's barely said anything to any of them since they arrived at school. Molly is sent over to talk because they're not stupid; they know that Caleb seems to be at his calmest around Molly.

Caleb tells Molly what's happening and he offers reassurance, telling Caleb that at least this means he's going to get out of the group home

Caleb is fostered by a woman called Veth. At first glance, it's obvious that this woman is overly keen about the prospect of having a child, despite the fact that Caleb is anything but, now seventeen.

Caleb notices how out of touch with society Veth is, but not from her own doing. People look at her and judge heavily for reasons that he can't fathom, but it happens quite regularly.

He hears crying one night and tiptoes down the stairs to hear Veth talking in the kitchen quietly to herself. Caleb overhears her talking about a son and a husband, which he realises are the missing pieces in this house that should be there but aren't. It's also pretty clear that she's been on her own until she fostered Caleb.

Caleb isn't stupid. He sees the link between the clearly grieving broken mother who needs a replacement for the child she lost and him. Caleb believes there's nothing more to it which doesn't help him feel more at home, instead doing the exact opposite because he doesn't know who she wants him to be.

Veth tries her hardest and makes sure to try and allow Caleb to feel safe in the house, but he still struggles with the balance of it all and the sheer amount of changes in his life of late. Upon noticing this, Veth asks him if he's okay and manages to wriggle out of him the fact that he overheard her in the kitchen. She puts two and two together and correctly guesses that he thinks he's a replacement.

His accent slips, falling away in his fear.

"Luke was my child, and I love him... But you are not Luke."

Caleb feels like this is it, this is the moment when he gets sent back to the group home again, he's blown it already because he dared to even compare himself to Veth’s own flesh and blood son. Caleb kicks himself for being so stupid, but Veth isn't finished.

"I fostered you because you are a kind young man with a bright future ahead of him that just needed someone in his life who cared. You're not a replacement and you were never meant to be one. I don't want you to be Luke; I just want you to be Caleb."

Caleb nods and accepts a hug from Veth when she offers him one. She has noticed the change in accent.

"Is that German?"

"Yes." He clears his throat. "I'm uh, I'm German. My parents moved here when I was very young."

"So why where you doing that accent?"

"I think we're both a little scared of what people would say to us. I learnt quickly that children are unkind, the others at school would tease me and call me horrible names, and then my parents… passed away and I went into the system. No one wanted to foster some weird German kid, and I hated myself so I changed my accent trying to make myself a different person. I wanted to be anyone else but me, but I couldn't.”

Veth strokes a hand down his cheek and smiles.

"Like I said, I just want you to be Caleb. You can speak however you like here."

"It's just, strange, you know, after all this time."

"Well whatever you come to decide, it will sound lovely either way."

The two become closer after this.

Veth and Caleb do something together that he really ends up enjoying. Veth comments that it's the first time she's seen him smile, which only makes Caleb smile more, because it's true, he truly had a good time. But that only just makes Caleb head worse because now the thoughts come back about how he doesn't deserve to be happy because of what he did.

He starts to isolate himself which scares Veth, and he barely talks to her. She becomes more and more worried about him until she calls his social worker to ask for advice.

When Caleb returns home from school to see his social worker's car parked outside he immediately becomes panicked. Going inside confirms the sight of his social worker and that's when he immediately feels betrayed. He thought things were going well with Veth and he was seriously trying his hardest to make it all work but now she's abandoning him just like everyone else.

Caleb runs off, unaware of the actual reasoning behind the visit and Veth panics. Her and the social worker rush to try and find him, which Veth eventually does. He's covered in mud and soaked through when she comes across him, curled up under a tree and sobbing. She pulls him into a huge hug and she fusses about how he's silly for running away and how he could have gotten hurt, or pneumonia, or worse and Caleb feels so much guilt in that moment because he remembers their conversation about Luke.

Veth lost her husband and child in a way that left her feeling useless because how they died was out of her control. There's nothing she could have done to save them because she wasn't even there when it happened, she found out afterwards when they had already passed.

Caleb connects the dots to realise that a lot of Veth's responses to things he does probably stem from never wanting to lose someone ever again if she has a way of preventing it. So when he walks home in the dark, if anything happened to him she would always know that she could very easily have gone and picked him up if she'd known, or when he runs off without any warning that anything could happen to him and she wouldn't know before it was too late, exactly like Luke and her husband.

Veth tells him that there is nothing that would ever make her give him up. Ever. Caleb nods, feeling a little better, but ultimately knowing that if she knew the truth, she would get rid of him in a heartbeat. He makes a pact with himself to stop unintentionally giving Veth a heart attack by accepting her offers on things such as lifts because it clearly gives her peace of mind.

At one point the gang notice bandages or bracelets, or just a slip of Caleb’s sleeves that reveal scars on his arms. They immediately presume the worse and panic. They try talking to him about it which doesn't go well at all. Caleb leaves the school and walks all the way home in the rain in his big brown coat and scarf that Veth bought him - his most treasured possessions along with the books that she has gotten him too.

When Veth gets home she knows something is wrong and asks if Caleb wants to talk about it. Caleb declines but Veth sorta’ doubles down saying that she really needs to know because she's worried. In a moment of bravery, Caleb pulls up his sleeve to reveal the scars on his arm and rope marks on his wrist.

Caleb tells her that he didn't do this but then nicely asks her to not ask any more questions than that, which she reluctantly agrees. She then takes out her tablet and starts tapping away. When Caleb asks what she's doing, Veth is looking for ways in which he can cover them up because she can see how much they upset Caleb to look at. Caleb is overcome with a feeling of love due to how just genuinely lovely she is. He thinks he doesn't deserve her.

Veth tells Caleb, who's in his room feeling shitty, that she has a surprise for him. Caleb is curious as Veth pushes open the door a little more to reveal, a cat. Apparently Veth adopted her for Caleb, hoping she might help him when he's feeling down or upset.

Caleb falls head over fucking heels in love with this cat immediately, naming her Frumpkin for no particular reason other than he can. The two become practically inseparable.

On the anniversary of the murders there is a news report which plays on TV, Caleb is at somebody's house when it does and he just immediately panics because he hears everything and it makes him feel sick to the point where he sprints to the bathroom and pukes heavily and violently, breaking down in sobs. Molly comes to the bathroom to check on him and they talk, Caleb doesn't admit anything and Molly doesn't push him to, admitting that this can stay between them and the others don't have to know so they don't start questioning him.

Caleb goes home, stating not feeling well as his reason for leaving early. He walks back, which Veth once again tells him off for, pointing out that its black dark outside and anything could've happened to him. She rants at him in a mother-henning way for a couple of minutes before taking a breath and pulling him into a hug. That's when Caleb breaks down in apologies, begging Veth not to get rid of him.

Veth cements the fact that she will never do that, but states that she thinks it's time that he tells her what's really going on in that head of his. Caleb tells her that he can't, but as she progressively looks more and more hurt by feeling like a bad parent and shut out by him, Caleb eventually caves.

"My name was Bren Aldric Ermendrud."

Caleb tells her about how they put him in a mental health facility for a few years, and the older woman helped him. This woman asked Caleb what he was in for and in his absolute lowest state, tells her the truth of what happened, admitting that he was groomed to do it by a man named Trent Ikithon who lied to him about so many things. The woman, being the first and only person he has ever opened to about it, tells Caleb that he was only young when it happened, and that it wasn’t his fault. Yes he may have committed the act, but he wasn't in the right headspace, and was made to do it by an adult. This led to Caleb feeling a little better for the first time and her encouragement for him to accept therapy didn't fall on deaf ears with Caleb doing exactly that meaning that he ended up being discharged early.

Caleb tells Veth everything and feels sick once again after doing so, not able to look her in the eye. There is silence in the living room of the house for a painful amount of time before Veth just smushes him into an absolutely enormous hug and tells him firmly that the woman in the facility was right, it wasn't his fault, and that the true blame lies in the hands of Trent.

Veth puts two and two together with the scars, which Caleb admits is true, Trent did that to him. She asks him what he’d like to be called, and he states that he still wishes to be known as Caleb

After this, the two only become stronger, their bond growing as does their protectiveness of one-another.

Caleb and Molly's relationship grows too as they become strong friends, Molly looking out for him on days when he really needed a friend. All is going well until Caleb arrives at school one morning to a tense, horrible atmosphere.

There are a lot of tearful looking eyes and sad faces. Caleb, confused and worried finds the gang to ask what's going over. He notices Molly's older brother, Caduceus from the year above.

"What happened?"

Jester deflates as she sighs, wordlessly pulls him into a hug. As he pulls away, Caleb notices the ostentatious missing member of their group.

"Where's Molly?"

Caduceus scrubs a shaky hand down his chin, clearing his throat.

"He uh… he died. Last night."

Caleb's breath catches in his throat as his hand flies to his mouth, shaking his head as tears come to his eyes.

"No…"

Caduceus pulls him close and hugs him, getting emotional himself.

"Everything was normal and ordinary until it wasn't. Molly coughed up blood, Mom took him to the hospital… and an hour later he was dead... just like that." Caduceus takes a breath to compose himself, clearing his throat once again. "Our Aunt is planning a memorial service, you guys are all invited. You don't have to do speeches and all that if you don't want to but the choice is yours. You know Molly; he would've loved all this fuss. No doubt he would have applauded the pageantry of it all."

"Oh." Caleb opens his satchel and takes out the large notebook Veth bought him. From the mess of papers and coursework handouts in the back he flicks through them until he arrives at a purple coloured sheet. "Here."

Caduceus takes the piece of paper, unfolding it.

"It's Molly's favourite poem, he uh, he wrote it out for me in English class because he said I was uncultured for having never experienced Yeats."

"Thanks, this is perfect for the memorial. Are you sure you don't want to keep this?"

"If you want it you can have it. If not, you can give it back to me at the end of the service, I don't mind which."

Caleb is unsurprisingly quiet after Molly's death. Veth looks after him, so does Frumpkin, the ginger tabby having become accustomed to lying across Caleb's shoulders, tail hanging down over his chest.

As if she knew of his sadness, Frumpkin made sure to stay close, never leaving Caleb's sight when she felt he might need her.

The gang all attend the memorial. It is held in the local park Molly loved. A thin layer of snow had fallen that morning providing a beautiful backdrop. Beside the purple flower beds, a large tree branch had been stabbed into the ground, Molly's eccentric coat draped over it, blowing gently in the wind.

Caleb doesn't make a speech and he feels like a traitor for not being able to man enough to do it, but he feels a hand reach close and take hold of his own with a gentle squeeze. Beau. She had been a godsend in the past week or so since Molly's death.

Despite the fact that they famously didn't really seem to ever get on at high school, Beau had gone above and beyond to make sure he was okay, offering him someone to talk to, and being there for him when he just needed to let it all out.

After the memorial, Caleb struggles with both the finality of saying goodbye to Molly and the sight of the flames from the barbecue set up to serve food, the scent causing him to gag a little as he walks off through the park to the tree Molly used to read beside. Caduceus follows him over.

"You doing okay, Mr. Caleb?"

"Why do you call me that?"

"I don't know. You've always been quite an enigma so it seemed fitting, plus, I know irritates you so there's that too." Caduceus answered with a smirk before offering a soft smile. "Molly wouldn't want you to be crying. Try and think about all the good times rather than the bad, that's how he'd want you to remember him."

"I know it is, it's just…"

"It's hard I know, but you're not alone in this, you have people who care about you, myself included. Don't think that you can't talk."

"Thanks, Cad."

He nods, clapping Caleb on the shoulder.

"Oh, I almost forgot." Caduceus reaches into his pocket and hands the contents to Caleb.

"What's this?"

"A letter from Molly and his tarot cards, he wanted you to have them. He was always talking about you being a little lost, maybe they just might help. I don't know... Molly was into this bullshit more than I was.” Caduceus smirks before walking back over to the other guests.

 Caleb takes a breath before opening the small folded piece of paper clearly from a hospital notepad. Clearing his throat he begins to read.

'Hey Cay,

I'm stuck in here puking my guts up and something tells me that it's not looking good for me. Fucking cards.

I haven't got much paper so be prepared for tiny handwriting, I'm sure you'll manage.

Anyway, the first thing I wanna say is, you're cute, and if I wasn't slowly internally bleeding to death then there's no doubt I wouldn't have tried wooing you eventually.

Second, stop being so afraid of everything and live your fucking life dude. It's feeling more and more like you're gonna' have to live it for the both of us so get out there and do shit. Kiss a girl, kiss a boy, tell Veth how much she means to you, get yourself adopted, accept more invites from the gang, get some therapy for that old noggin of yours, I don't know, just promise me you'll not block everyone out. That's what worries me most about potentially dying, you not going to the others for help because I'm not there anymore to come to you. Please, don't be alone.

I hope someday we'll meet each other again.

Take care of my brother for me.

Love,

Molly x'

Emotionally wrecked after the memorial and reading Molly's letter, Caleb actually calls Veth to get a lift home for once rather than just walking. Weirdly though, he doesn't get an answer, the phone just ringing and ringing. Finding that strange, Caleb grabs a ride from Fjord and Jester.

When he walks in, the light is on in the kitchen and Veth is sitting at the table holding a bag of peas to her face, one arm huddled proactively to her chest.

Caleb enters to see her covered in bruises, anger flaring immediately.

"Who did this?" He asks low and furious.

"Caleb, I'm fine."

"You're not fine, you're hurt. Someone did this to you and you need to tell me who that person is."

“It's just a bump."

“It's more than a bump! People treat you like you're below them and I hate it. They stare, they judge, they whisper shit, it's vile! You shouldn't have to deal with that.”

“That's my concern, not yours.”

“Why are you so calm about this, someone nearly broke your fucking arm. Get mad about this, get angry.”

“And what would that achieve?”

“I don't know, more than just sitting around waiting for the next person to hurt you.” He shouts before scrubbing a hand down his face, keeping his hand over his mouth as he shakes. “I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, I shouted and I didn't mean to… I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” His weak tone whimpers as he drops down to one of the seats around the table and cries.

“Caleb, it's okay.”

“It's not okay. Nothing is okay, everything's just shit and it makes me so angry sometimes, and it scares me. I don't want to be that person.”

Veth stands up from the table and walks round to Caleb, wrapping her good arm around him in a hug, gently resting her chin on the top of his head.

“What you are, is a sweet boy who cares about everyone and never wants to see anyone he loves hurt. That is a blessing not a curse. You have a big heart, Caleb, and that's a beautiful thing.”

After this point, Caleb stands up for Veth a lot more in situations where people are being awful towards her.

When one of Veth's brothers, Morrell visits, he patronisingly talks about how it's good that she now has Caleb to look after her.

"You know, Nottie, if you feel safer having Caleb protecting you, maybe you could start doing more, rather than just alternating between work and being in the house all day."

"I think there's a bit of misconception here. Caleb and I have a very special relationship. It is that of a parent and a child, regardless of the fact that he isn't technically mine. But I am the parent in this situation. It's my job to protect him. He's my boy, and I keep him safe. I want him to thrive, and get better at school, and grow into the wonderful young man I know he's going to be, because he can achieve great things.’ She takes a breath. ‘When I fostered him he was a scared little boy who was afraid to speak up out of fear of being hurt, and tried to act invisible in case one wrong move landed him back at the group home. As we have gotten more comfortable, he has gotten more comfortable and come out of his shell. It's my job to protect him, because I love him, and I am his parent. It is not his job to protect me."

Morrell nods.

"I'll admit; I had the wrong idea about the two of you. Caleb sounds like a good kid."

"He is." Veth nods. "He's going to be a great man someday."

"He will."

"Does he know that you think of him as a son?"

Veth shakes her head.

"Maybe you should let him know, it might make him feel a little better, especially after everything that's happened recently, he needs you more than ever."

"I'll talk to him."

Before she has the chance to do so, Caleb’s world gets shattered once again.

Caleb is looking around the house for Frumpkin. Unable to find him he goes outside to hear a pained meow from just beyond the driveway. There lies Frumpkin, who has clearly been hit by a car that hasn’t even stopped to check to see if she was okay.

Caleb panics at this point, bundling Frumpkin into his arms and grabbing his phone. He knows Veth is at work so he calls Fjord and Jester instead begging for their help. Jester stays on the phone with him to try and reassure him and keep him calm while the two of them drive over, pick Caleb up, and take him to the vets where they try and save her.

Long story short, the vets won’t operate on Frumpkin unless they are paid upfront for the medical costs, its company policy no matter how much they want to help the cat. The amount of money they would need is beyond substantial, and it’s money that a fucking orphaned foster kid like Caleb just doesn’t have, and he knows Veth doesn’t have it either so he refuses to ask, knowing that she’s already done too much for him anyway by just having to deal with his shit in the first place.

While Caleb is being comforted by Jester, Fjord discreetly calls Veth from Caleb’s phone (which he got Jester to sneakily swipe), and tells her what is happening. She rushes down to the vets to find Caleb in the back room of the vets sitting on top of the doctor’s table with Frumpkin curled up on his lap, hugging her gently.

Hating to see her boy so broken, she goes back to the vets in the lobby and begs them to accept a smaller down payment, even saying they can charge interest on the other payments too if they have to. The head vet, who seems to be the owner agrees and Veth partially pays.

A confused Caleb is practically dragged kicking and screaming from the backroom, desperate to be with Frumpkin, and Veth manages to get him calmed down, telling him that they’re going to try and save Frumpkin.

"What? But… how?"

"I paid them."

Caleb looks torn.

"No, you shouldn’t… you shouldn’t have done that, you don’t have the money and I can’t ask you to do that for me. It’s just a cat, I can get another one."

But Veth knows that’s not true. Caleb is too infatuated with that cat to ever think that way, he’s just trying to not take up space, something he has a history of being very good at.

"Frumpkin is your friend, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her with us. Fuck the money, I can think of no better use for it then saving family."

Caleb looks stunned in that moment, wide eyed and astonished as he wordlessly wraps his arms tight around Veth.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

The vets manage to save Frumpkin and if he wasn’t already, Caleb becomes even more protective of her, making sure she’s okay after all her surgeries. When they’re allowed to take her home, Caleb is soft and kind with her, not letting her out of his sight.

On a lovely sunny day, Caleb decides that Frumpkin needs some fresh air. With the stitches gone and her feeling a lot better, they take a walk together slowly round the neighbourhood. Veth wasn't home when they left but there was a note from her on the counter saying that she would be back soon.

As they walk past the church, Caleb notices Veth knelt down beside a small grave in the graveyard with a book open on her lap. He debates on whether to just keep walking and let her have her privacy, but ultimately decides that she might someone with her.

As he approaches, Veth notices the two of them and smiles.

The grave is marked:

‘In loving memory of Luke Brenatto’

Caleb notices the lack of her husband's name.

"If it's none of my business just tell me to shut up, but why isn't your husband’s name on here too?"

Veth looks a little confused at first before she understands why Caleb would think the way he does.

"When Luke and Yeza were involved in that accident, neither were expected to live. It took a long time for the paramedics to arrive and even longer to get them out. Luke… he didn't make it, but they managed to get Yeza stabilised. The man I spoke to in that hospital wasn't my husband. He was cold as if a part of him had died with Luke, and it probably had. Yeza packed up and left after Luke's funeral and I've never heard from him since."

"That's awful."

"People deal with loss in different ways. Some grieve a little, some grieve a lot, and some just never get over it at all. Yeza was one of those people." Veth turns to look at the gravesite which has fresh flowers beside it as well as a weathered toy bear and various tealights in brightly coloured holders. "Every so often I come out here and I read to him. I know that probably sounds weird but it helps."

Caleb shakes his head.

"No, it doesn't sound weird at all, I'm sure Luke loves it, wherever he is."

The social worker visits go well every time until the all-important one approaches, the meeting about what Caleb is going to do once he turns eighteen and becomes a ward of the state, free to leave the system and live on his own independently.

Caleb truthfully admits that he doesn't know what he's going to do, and that he hasn't put much thought into it. This is when Veth offers him another option. She wants to adopt him.

Caleb doesn't know how to react and looks terrified, mostly out of fear of her changing her mind, which leads to Veth once again reiterating the point that she loves him as her own and would never ever give him up. Caleb is her son through and through, and that she wants to make it official.

Caleb accepts and the paperwork is completed for the adoption to become official.

[interestray]

it’s always a good moment when I see a critical role episode with so many things happening that my adhd can’t help but develop a mind of its own, so now that my hyper-fixations have stopped beating the shit out of me theres a couple things I wanna bring up most of it theory stuff and the rest personal things. btw its a long post be warned.

SPOILER ALERT- I’m talking about ep 117 of critical role and its a doozy.

 I’ve doing my recent posts in a different format and I’m liking it so I’m gonna use it here. btw I gonna mention some ship stuff I want to make clear I have no hate for any ships mentioned but unless I say I like the ship just assume I’m indifferent.

1. I gonna say I called it because even if I’m wrong about about future stuff I was right that it’s not just Lucien in that body, even if Lucien is completely right about molly as the group knew him is gone forever Molly (which I don’t believe at all) is still a fragment of lucien’s soul. now past that I do think molly as a conscious being is still in there and trying to connect with his friends. why? because theres this weird disconnect with how lucien acts communicating with the m9 from a far vs in person, in person it seems like he had his guard way up but when they scry or message him the barrier is lowered a bit I think when his guard isn’t up Molly bleeds into his actions and mind more. I personally see Lucien at being 130% whole because Molly grew into his own thing.

2. regarding my predictions for this episode I’m gonna give myself 2 points (with 1 of the points being made up of half points) I was hoping for flirting and I think we definitely got some version of flirting between Lucien and Caleb so I get a half point for that, not gonna lie I was a little freaked out (in a good way) how fast Lucien zeroed in on Caleb, I hope if things don’t go pear shaped we get to see those two interact more.

3. Personal thing I really wanted to smack Fjord and Veth for most of the episode like they both had moments of being rational (fjord more so) but for the most part i just want to slap them.

4. it was kind of hilarious to see how freaked out Lucien was of the m9, like there was a little of the bad kind of freaked out feeling I think it was mostly like how Ludinus felt meeting Jester. like poor Lucien he’s just doing his thing and suddenly this group of puppies imprints on him and follows him around poor guy. Seems like Lucien has so distrust towards the tomb takers with the whole ‘we are one’ thing, it seemed to be a recent development. I’ve seen people talk about whether the tomb takers/Cree will backstab Lucien I think it’s possible.

5. I think some members of the m9 have realized Caleb’s not doing ok, most likely from the corpse scene and him talking over Beau (bad caleb bad). what they do with this info is gonna be interesting I personally think Cad should talk with him in private maybe have yasha there as well (also hugs please someone hug the sad wizard man him and Yasha both need it).

6. personal thing I don’t understand jester x Fjord as a possible canon ship at this point in the story like i got it in early campaign but I think they’ve both grown and changed to the point where a relationship between the two would end quickly after starting (whether in tears or not). the only times I like seeing their romantic interactions is when Laura and Travis bleed through and at that point its nots really jester and fjord. again no hate you do you I just don’t understand the appeal.

7. I’ve not watched campaign 1 for a few reasons yet but I’ve done research on some of the bigger events one of which was Percy’s resurrection where Taliesin watched how everyone was acting to decide whether to come back or not. I think Cad’s whole talk about what the rest of the m9′s goals towards Molly/Lucien is first Taliesin’s way of deciding whether Molly will be a npc after this arc or if he picks up playing him again (this all of course depending on whether the m9′s stupid actions don’t get Lucien killed), second I think this is Cad’s way of deciding whether his “debt” is payed and if it’s time for him to leave. To be clear I don’t think this was the final decision I think it was the first step to see whether anyone could say they want their friend back and we had two (almost 3) say yeah they do so I think it was a good start.

8. I can totally see Lucien kidnapping some of the m9. this sounds weird but stick with me, it looks like the tomb takers as a whole have a few important spots missing in their mission like they (probably) have a blood cleric in Cree the goliath and halfing seems more strength based I’m not sure about the human and Lucien is filling spot of a little bit of everything. Lucien has already pointed out Caleb as being curious and smart so I think out of the party is Lucien steals any of them it will be Caleb, if not Caleb tho I think Yasha could also be one that gets his attention (especially if Lucien ever sees them fight) I don’t he would kidnap anyone unprompted but if they go through with their stupid plan I’m sure he’ll want payback.

9. I get a full point for crying at both the Yasha clover scene and Molly’s card about Caleb. 

10. So my best friend is also a fan of critical role but he always works Thursday’s so he’s behind on actively watching the shows, but I can watch them so I take notes of all the funny, interesting, and weird shit that happens then I call when he gets off work to tell him everything that happened then we talk about what we think will happen next. why does this matter? because before the molly reveal when we first heard about them going to aore (I don’t know how to spell the ruin place) I said I had a feeling Essek would probably show up and run into the m9. well I was right so i’m supper happy, hearing floaty bois voice was awesome I hope Essek and Lucien meet at some point (hopefully not while trying to kill each other that would be sad).

11. Caleb’s eighth floor is so interesting like I hope we get to see all the rooms at some point, I think the room we saw this episode was his room at the asylum (mostly from it’s disarray and how drab it was) as for who he was talking to? I’ve seen a lot of people says its Essek or Astrid (I can smell the incoming discourse) I think it’s neither, it’s probably the simplest answer himself or more specificly Bren. I think he was talking to the Bren that spent years in that bed and chair wasting away.

12. wtf do you mean the big snow worm has a double reason for hunting the party Matt?! (I have no clue what that means).

13. the m9′s decision to try and get to A2 before Lucien and take whatever is there is such a shit idea, why did he kill Vess because she was a traitor she betrayed him what are they m9 about to do betray him even after the warning about straying from the path (which btw I think was molly warning them). If they actually go through with this plan I hope Cad is right on Lucien getting amused at them instead of fucking pissed. good news is that even if they get there before Lucien they could still salvage the thing with Lucien by saying they wanted unbiased answers. I get they’re grieving and in a bunch of pain but use the common sense I know you have and learn more about whats happening before fucking it all up. (also I get half a point from Lucien kicking Vess’s body)

14. I will say I mostly loved this episode (except for the ending) but them talking about possibly scattering Lucien to get Molly back no matter how brief did unsettle me a lot. no matter my feelings about Molly this is Lucien’s body when he was scattered molly did have the right to the body so I don't think any of his actions were wrong or bad but now that Lucien is whole again his bodily autonomy should not be violated just for a unsure chance Molly would come back. As it is Lucien seemed already uneasy and annoyed with stuff molly did (ex-tattoos).

15. I originally wasn’t gonna put this point but I think I should. when Taliesin said “he thought they would be on the other side of this” I think most people thought it was in reference to how it seems like Lucien is evil (I still don’t think he is) but what if he meant Molly’s arc. think of it wouldn’t it make sense for Molly’s arc to focus on his past coming back to meet him what if they always intended for Lucien to become whole again and it was suppose to be Lucien’s thoughts/feelings bleeding into molly’s. but Molly died so instead we’re getting the inverse Lucien has to come to terms with his past as Molly and the people Molly left behind coming into his life. I think it would be a good arc him learning that you can’t run from or ignore the past no matter how much you want to it can and will come bite you in the ass. would also make sense why Lucien and Molly both have that attitude towards their pasts (you know other than being pieces of the same person). 

[sidras-tak]

widobrave week, day 6: alternate universe

in this red-string-of-fate soulmate au, your red string doesn’t show up until a turning point in your relationship, a moment that ensures you and your soulmate will be together for the remainder of your lives

Red strings of fate were rare enough as it was. The Mighty Nein stuck out as it was. So the appearance of a red string, between Nott’s left pinky and Caleb’s, was fucking terrible, in her opinion. No more easy cons where they pretended to be strangers. Every creature who fought them would know that the best way to win would be to take out the other. One tiny addition made bigger targets on their backs, in and out of battle. Caleb and Nott were not together, not in the traditional sense of the word, but with that blasted red string hanging between them for the world to see, who would believe it? No more brushing off tender moments as platonic. No more pretending feelings were anything more than a passing crush. No more safety. And if Nott-the-Brave-The-Goblin thought it was terrible for all those reasons, Nott-Who-Was-Secretly-Veth-Brenatto thought it was worse.

The string had appeared after Caleb told Nott and Beau the truth about his past, as she promised to stay by his side until he could forgive himself for the sins he’d committed. Stupid. She never should have said that out loud, never should have put a life-long pledge into the air where it could be overheard by gods and fates and be acted upon; such a strong oath that the fates mistook it for a fated bond of commitment, fidelity, love. Though, if she were honest with herself, she was committed to Caleb. And she loved him. Gods, did she love him. But the fidelity part….wasn’t she breaking that by virtue of already being married?

“We…should talk about this,” Caleb said, once Beau (and Molly) had made their exits. He lifted his hand to examine the string. Nott turned away, not wanting to see the curiosity and reverence on his face. No matter her current feelings on the string, every child in the Empire grew up hearing fairy tales about them—she’d been a wide-eyed child once, and Caleb obviously had, too.

“Nope,” she said stubbornly, sitting down on the bed and crossing her arms, fully turning her back to Caleb. The string stretched to allow her to move, slack enough to curl around her body without becoming taut, never in danger of snapping. She felt Caleb pick up some of the slack and weigh it in his hand. There was a soft tug around her pinkie and she whipped around to see him pulling gently on the string near his hand. He dropped it guiltily. She turned away again.

“The others have already seen it. Mollymauk and Beau at least, and even if they keep it quiet, it’s not like we can hide it from the group. We should at least have a plan in place. Some sort of explanation.”

“I’m trying to sleep,” Nott said, pointedly staring at the wall.

“You’re not lying down.”

“Goblins sleep sitting up.”

Caleb scoffed in a way that meant you’re full of shit. “Fine. We don’t have to talk about it. Tonight.”

Nott nodded sharply. Eventually, Caleb picked up the string again. Despite herself, she chuckled. Of course he wouldn’t be able to leave a new arcane unknown alone. She let him fiddle and did her best to keep her mind blank. Just as she was drifting off into a light sleep, still curled up with her chin on her knees, Caleb began talking, quietly.

“I know why you’re upset. After what I’ve just told you, of course you are. And I kept—everything that I’ve done—from you for so long. You’re right to be mad. You deserve a String who is honest, kind. Someone more deserving of you.”

That was officially too much for Nott. She turned around and dangled her legs off the edge of the bed.

“Caleb. You can’t be serious,” she grouched, well beyond annoyed.

Caleb looked up and frowned. His eyes were so full of sorrow and self-loathing she was surprised that he wasn’t physically drowning in it. Nott felt her bad mood soften. She took his hand, covering it with her two smaller ones. “Didn’t you hear what I just said? I’m going to be by your side, no matter what. And this,” she said, touching the red string, “is proof of that.”

The last part had come out a little dry and annoyed, but she felt she was owed that by the universe at large.

Caleb said nothing, his head dropping to break eye contact with Nott and focus instead on their hands, twined together. Nott sighed, weighing how much to tell him.

“This…the string. It’s unexpected. Definitely. I—I just assumed I’d never have one.”

That was true. Yeza had once asked her if she thought their string would ever appear. He and Veth had been waiting for it, on their wedding day, the day Luc was born, all the days after. Once she was Nott, she just kind of accepted she wouldn’t have one—no one, not even kind, loving Yeza, could be fated to love a goblin.

“But it’s not bad,” Nott hedged. Also true. It did a lot, actually, to wash away some of the black hatred in her heart against herself, this goblin who no one could love. Categorical proof that she was wrong.

“But you’re not happy,” Caleb said. He shrunk in on himself a little further. “I understand.”

That almost made Nott laugh. “Caleb. Your soulmate is a goblin. You can’t be happy with this.”

Caleb’s head whipped up. “My soulmate is you,” he snapped. “Goblin or not, it’s you. Of everyone in this group—everyone I’ve met—I’d have it be you every time.”

He flushed and dropped his chin again. Nott put a hand under his chin and lifted it, just a little.

“You just told me, not an hour ago, that you used to be in love. What about that person?”

“She’s not you,” Caleb said simply. “If I was meant to be with—with her….”

He took a moment to shake his head, as if to clear it. Nott’s heart clenched. She knew what it meant, for him to almost say her name aloud—she hadn’t spoken Yeza’s since she died. He took a deep breath and continued, “If I was meant to be with her, I would have a string with her, or the string between you and I wouldn’t have manifested.”

He smiled wanly. “You ask if I am happy? Am I happy that my greatest friend heard the horrors of my past and pledged herself to me, regardless? I am, Nott. I am happy that you’re my soulmate.”

He took a moment to study her face, then quirked his eyebrow and said, “not that I don’t trust your word alone, but it is nice to have a fated promise of your loyalty.”

“This doesn’t have to change anything between us,” Nott said.

“And if it does? Would that bother you?”

“No,” Nott said, too quickly. It might a problem later, of course, if she ever got back to her body and her husband, but that was a distant, out-of-focus future. Caleb was right here, in front of her, warm and breathing and looking at her so earnestly. “Would it bother you?”

Caleb took the string hanging between them, gathered it up, and looped it loosely around their joined hands. He pressed his lips against her knuckles. Less than a kiss, somehow more significant. His voice low and almost fierce, he said, “This is unexpected, as you said. Unprecedented, maybe. But you and I will figure it out. We must simply help each other be brave.”

Despite his words, Nott knew which of them needed to be brave right now. She kissed him, sweetly, and rested their foreheads together. There was relief in his eyes, but also joy, and that, more than anything, made Nott finally smile.

She said, “Then I’m glad it’s me and you. We make each other brave.”

[jonthethinker]

Expositor Beauregard And The Mighty Nein

Others have said it before, but because I think it should be screamed from the mountaintops everyday, Beau’s growth is so fucking good!

I think back to the runaway monk we met at the beginning of this campaign, all sharp edges and curt words and no roots, committed to convincing the world she doesn’t care about anything and she’s fine on her own (but the loneliness already showing as she asks Jester and Fjord whether they’re going to leave town without her.)

Then we have Beau now, who has deep friendships with every member of the Mighty Nein sans possibly Caduceus and Yasha (who still fall under the domain of her protective instinct, and who she still very much considers her people.) It could be argued that Beau is the sturdy foundation of the Nein, offering each other member of the Nein some sturdy ground to stand on to grow themselves:

Travis has mentioned Beau’s commitment as first mate as a comfort for Fjord, and when he was deliberating whether to reveal his accent to the group, He never doubted that Beau would continue to support him if he told the group the truth. Their easy relationship is among my favorites on the show, and when the action starts they’re never out of sync.It is safe to assume that to the half-orc orphan who very much attended the school of hard knocks and has every reason to distrust others, having a friendship in which the only thing that is asked is a willingness to call Beau on her bullshit and an openness to Beau calling him on his, is an immeasurably important feature in Fjord’s current life and one he wouldn’t trade away for anything.

Beau is undoubtedly fiercely protective and supportive of Jester, and made it clear to her that she will support Jester being more honest about negative feelings she has, while also standing up to Jester when she thought she was making a reckless decision in how to confront her father if it meant keeping Jester safe and the door open for a healthy relationship with said parent. Jester has in Beau someone who will continually encourage and support her through thick and thin, and have a good time along the way. I want to say a hell of a lot more about their friendship and the parallels of their lives, because their friendship is the most precious thing to me in all of critical role, but that’s not what this meta is about, so I’ll save it for another time.

Her sisterly relationship with Nott is something that is easy to forget about, but I imagine it means more to Nott than is let on; Nott was a bit of an outsider even as a halfling. Since the Iron Shepards (And arguably before, in Hupperdook,) Nott has had an easy relationship in Beau, with Beau being about as judgement free as Nott has ever experienced. The two are playful with each other in a way I imagine Nott wishes she could have been with her brothers, and Beau’s willingness to forgive Nott for any harmful decision she has made (a certain bullet in the ass comes to mind) can’t be underscored in its importance towards the goal of keeping Nott’s beaten-up heart healthy.

While I disagree with some in the fandom who think that Beau’s friendship with Caleb is the single most important relationship in his life right now (which to me has been unquestionably, from the beginning, Nott, and is nowhere near changing to anyone else in my humble opinion,) to say their friendship has not been a critical step in his growth as a character is absurd. Caleb perhaps had not planned on one of the keys to his success in his wizardly pursuits as well as the reclamation of his humanity being a rough-and-tumble friendship with a blunt, somewhat aggressive monk with a knack for getting him to admit to things he never wanted to admit to, but life doesn’t often go according to plan. Despite a rocky beginning, their friendship has evolved into something beautiful, with Beau always there to keep Caleb grounded, whether he risks letting his thirst for knowledge drag him into trouble, or his past begins to eat him alive. And it’s certainly nice to have someone around who can help him find that book he’s looking for.

Beau’s relationship with Yasha has been interesting from the get-go, what with Beau immediately seizing on the opportunity to flirt with the giant, introverted barbarian. While shipping discourse tends to dominate the discussion of their interactions, we shouldn’t ignore the chance to take a crack at what these moments mean to the characters as individuals.

With hindsight and insights Marisha has given on Talks, I’ve gathered that to Beau these moments were driven by this weird relationship in Beau’s mind between sex and power. She uses these casual, almost doomed to fail, encounters with women as a band-aid to avoid confronting her actual problems with developing intimate, meaningful romantic or platonic relationships with women she’s physically attracted to. She sort of game-ifies the encounters into a power struggle between her and her potential conquest; the end goal not being the sex or denial thereof, but of the buzz of the conflict itself. On the outside it looks like a pure expression of ego, and some of it may be, but I interpret it mostly as a deflection from Beau’s clear struggles with self-loathing and her fear of abandonment; I speculate that to Beau, after how things ended with Tori, has not allowed herself to feel the same about anyone else (With the recently revealed exception of Jester, who is all too conveniently deemed inaccessible; “She has a thing for Fjord, and so it’s not a possibility,”) for fear of utterly letting down yet another women she loved.

With Yasha I take these moments as a sort of siren’s song. Here she is, having lost the most precious person in all her life, a love she knew was forbidden but pursued anyway, and clearly blames herself and her desire for Zuala as the very reason she died. To Yasha, the lesson she learned from all of this is not that her tribe was wrong, but that her desires are wrong, that she can’t trust herself to want anything, and can’t trust herself to love without getting someone hurt (A feeling only exacerbated by the death of Molly trying to save her from the Iron Shepards.)

So she feels all this and then there’s this monk who relentlessly flirts with her. Their first interaction indicates to me that Yasha has had some experience handling this sort of thing since joining the circus, and with arms like those, how could she not? But Beau just keeps going and going the more time they spend around one another, and Yasha has eyes, and Beau does indeed have those abs, and is incredibly persistent and almost admirably self-assured about herself, and okay maybe eventually even the tough Barbarian might be flustered and stutter a little bit.

And that would be that, if that’s all their relationship was. But Yasha being the quiet one who looms to the back in social interactions and group planning watches the others, Beau included, and maybe begins to see another side to the monk. The side that clearly cares a great deal about this group. Who looks out for the others and will gladly put her body on the line to protect them. Beau isn’t as sturdy as Yasha, can’t take as many hits and depends on avoiding being hit in the first place, but still there she is, tanking a Hydra, rushing to the front lines and protecting her friends. There she is, reassuring party members in a well-meaning if a little rough around the edges sort of way. There she is, comforting Yasha after she reveals her past to the group, seeking a way to relate to her even when it’s clear Beau doesn’t share personal details often.

So to Yasha, Beau is a few things. She’s someone who she can rely on to keep this lovely found family alive no matter the personal cost. She’s someone who can be leaned on and relied on not to judge. And she’s someone who makes her feel like a person, not just a tool or a wall of muscle, or a burden to be dealt with, but a person. I think Beau will be second only to Jester in the importance she will play in Yasha’s recovery and victory over her grief and guilt, which, let’s face it, is a long road yet to be traveled, but a road made all the easier due to Yasha’s friends of the blue persuasion.

Caduceus sees in Beau potential. Where he may get frustrated or confused by many in the Nein, I think in Beau he finds a reliable and easy to understand set of motivations. Beau wants to keep the Mighty Nein happy, healthy, and most importantly alive, and maybe make a positive difference in the world along the way. While her gruff demeanor can sometimes grate him the wrong way, I feel her actions have spoken for her in Caduceus’ mind. I take that he feels that while he may be the only adult in the room, Beau is definitely the rather mature teenager that can often be trusted to make decisions in his absence. Condescending? Of course. But a delightfully Caduceus-like thing to think.

This long diatribe is not me saying that Beau is the be all end all of the Nein, but just my way of illustrating the impact of her and her growth on her friends, and the role she plays within the Nein. The other members have had just as much of an impact on her. From Fjord’s trust and charm training, to Jester’s love and support and faith in strangers, to Nott’s open ear and sisterly banter, to Caleb’s ability to establish goals and remind her of both the forest and the trees, to Yasha’s fierce protectiveness and soft treatment of their friends, to Caduceus’ encouragement to tell the truth and be open and the successes that attitude has led to.

And to Molly, who arguably, made this growth possible, or at least as quickly progressive as it has been. Without him pushing her towards making the world better than she found it, it’s hard to imagine the road she would have had to travel to get to where she is now, fighting to save the world, standing up to and earning the respect of her Cobalt Soul mentors, sharing her feelings with the group, and allowing herself to love.

Beau is my favorite character on Critical Role. She has been for a very long time, but my love for her has only aged like a fine wine. From barely being able to meditate at all, to mentally transporting herself to a beach in Nicodranas in order to escape Obann’s thrall. From telling Jester she didn’t worry too much about her well-being, to telling her on several occasions that she loves and cares about her. From being incredibly antagonizing towards Molly, to getting a tattoo in his honor very visibly on the back of her neck. Her Journey to become the Expositor she is today has been an absolute delight, and her journey towards forging the ties she has with this beautiful found family have been heartwarming and some of the best storytelling I’ve ever seen. And she has so much potential for growth and I just can’t wait to see more.

[ethereousdelirious]

Yada yada yada I'm on mobile and can't do a read more and I'm not going to butcher this fic by censoring all the names so vanillas please don't be weird or abusive to me on this post. It's not maintagged, so the only reason you're seeing it is because of Tumblr fucking idiotic decision to show posts that haven't been tagged

Anyway. Here's that request for sick!Yasha~ Let's hope the formatting doesn't get all fucked up

For Yasha, waking up in pain was not a novelty or even an unwelcome surprise. Pain was merely the byproduct of work and would fade, as all things did, in time.

Today, however, was unusual. Yesterday had been easy. Like the others, she spent part of the day walking and part of the day riding in the cart. They hadn't fought. They'd even made camp early and she'd spent some time sitting in the grass talking with Caleb.

Why then, did her joints ache like she had spent the day hauling cargo for the circus? Why was her head pounding in time with the drumbeat of her pulse?

"Up and at 'em, Yasha!" Beau gave her arm a light kick.

Yasha sat up slowly. "Morning."

"'Deuces is already done with breakfast. You'd better hurry before Nott eats it all."

"I wouldn't let her," Caduceus said from over by the fire.

Nott glared at him, her eyes shiny. "Like you could stop me."

Yasha laughed lightly and got to her feet. "I didn't mean to sleep in so late." She shuffled over to the fire and sat down beside Fjord. Beau followed her and squeezed in beside Jester.

"You didn't even move when Fjord tried to wake you up," Jester said. "You just kind of--" She threw her head back and opened her mouth, a caricature of Yasha asleep on her back with her mouth open.

"Oh." Yasha looked at what everyone was eating, some sort of oatmeal with berries, and decided she didn't want any. "Was I snoring?"

"Only a little bit," Beau said. "It was kinda cute actually."

"Like purring," Caleb agreed. He snapped a Frumpkin appeared in Yasha's lap.

Yasha buried her fingers in the soft fur, still feeling strangely hungover and overworked. "Caduceus?"

"Hm?"

"Do you have any," she hesitated, still not quite used to just asking for things from this strange new family, "mint tea?"

"Yeah, I'm sure I have something like that." Caduceus sat back and began to pull things from his bag. "Anyone else?"

The group murmured their mixed assents and declinations. Caduceus prepared some water to boil.

"We should probably get a move on sooner rather than later," Fjord spoke up.

"We will," Caduceus said, unconcerned. "This won't take long."

Fjord looked like he wanted to argue, but fell silent.

"Sorry," Yasha said, suddenly hyper aware of how the group might perceive her. "I didn't mean-- I don't want to hold us up."

"It's fine, Fjord is just antsy," Jester reassured her. "You know he can't sit still."

"I have the cure for that," Beau stood up and grabbed Fjord by the collar. "C'mon. Let's go do some push-ups since you're so energetic."

"Save me," Fjord whispered as he was dragged away, and then he was gone.

Yasha chuckled. Sitting like this was nice. Her joints didn't feel quite so sore and her head only hurt when moved too quickly. 

When Caduceus handed her a steaming mug of mint tea, she drank it down quickly so as not to hold anyone up more than she already had.

At first it was pleasant, warming her body against the chill of the morning air.

But the heat didn't fade. By the time they packed the wagon and started down the path, she was sweating. Each step felt like it took twice the effort that it normally would.

She went silent as she walked, trying to figure out what could be wrong. Had she been poisoned? She knew Fjord and Nott were mistrustful of her now, but they wouldn't-- Would they?

No. Yasha shook her head to clear it. They wouldn't. Maybe… It was a slim possibility, but it was the only one that made logical sense. Maybe she was sick.

Yasha was rarely ill, especially not like this. The last time she'd been sick, she had caught a head cold off Molly, and continued to work while he draped himself all over her and complained that he was dying.

She smiled at the memory and let it fade before the pain of his loss could come sneaking in. So she was sick. She could handle it.

Jester stood at the front of the wagon and watched the ground move as she prepared to do something phenomenally stupid. Swallowing her fear, she jumped over the side of the wagon. She managed to land on her feet, but the momentum caused her to stumble and fall.

"Aw, man," she complained loudly, mostly so the others would know she wasn't badly hurt.

"Please don't do that again!" Fjord said from his spot at the front of the wagon. "At least, not without warning me first."

"Sorry!" Jester looked at the dust on her palms. Satisfied that she wasn't bleeding, she wiped them off on her dress.

"Here." Yasha's imposing silhouette blocked out the sun. She extended a hand to Jester and helped her to her feet.

"Thanks, Yasha!" Jester fell into step beside her. "I don't know what I thought was going to happen, but I was hoping it would be cooler than that."

Yasha laughed, but her gaze seemed far away. "Maybe Beau can teach you some tricks."

"Sounds fun!" Beau shouted from the far side of the wagon.

Jester shouted back and soon she and Beau were having a loud conversation about the proper form and practical applications of a forward roll.

She got so wrapped up in it that she didn't even notice when Yasha disappeared from her periphery. It was only when Caleb politely asked them to stop shouting (followed by a less polite request from Nott) that Jester looked around and realized that Yasha had fallen behind.

She was trailing several feet behind the wagon, her feet dragging in the dust and her head lowered.

Jester jogged back to her. "Hey, Yasha! Are you okay?"

Yasha's eyes were hazy, unfocused. She looked at Jester helplessly. "I'll be okay."

"What's wrong?" The wagon was pulling farther away from them but Jester paid it no mind. "Your face is all red. Are you sick?" She stood on her tiptoes and cupped a hand to Yasha's forehead. "Yasha!" she gasped, half-scandalized. "Did you know you have a fever?"

"I do?" Yasha slumped forward suddenly, like the realization had taken her strength away. "I don't get sick."

"Everybody gets sick," Jester said. She smoothed a few errant locks of hair out of Yasha's face. "Oh, poor Yasha."

"I really don't," Yasha said, her brow knit in confusion. "Not like this."

"You've really never had a fever before?"

Yasha shook her head.

"That's okay, I'll look after you!" Jester said. Then her head snapped up. "Oh. Shit." She screwed up her face in concentration. "Hey, Fjord! Stop the wagon for a second! Me and Yasha got behind. We're fine though, don't worry. We'll be right there. How many words was that?"

"I wasn't counting."

"Yeah, me either." Jester shrugged. "Well, they stopped. Can you walk? 'Cause I bet I can totally carry you."

"I can walk."

The others were waiting for them expectantly, varying degrees of concern on their faces.

"We're fine!" Jester said, making shooing gestures. "We're just going to ride in the back for a bit. Okay?" This last word was directed at Caleb and Nott, who had been riding nestled amongst their supplies.

"Ja, that's fine." Caleb shrugged and invited Nott to scurry up onto his shoulders.

"Okay, come on, Yasha." Jester helped her climb into the back. The she popped her head out from behind the cover. "Okay, stop staring already! We're fine. Let's go."

"O-kay?" Fjord started to walk back around to the front. "Beau, want to ride with me for a bit?"

"Sure." Beau kept casting curious looks at Jester, but she went with Fjord. The wagon started to move again and Jester turned back to face Yasha.

"Okay, I'll get you all taken care of, I promise."

"Thanks," Yasha said, looking a touch awkward. "I'm not really sure what to do."

"Well for starters," Jester dug through their supplies and pulled out her bedroll, then Yasha's. "I'm going to make you the comfiest little nest ever." She arranged the blankets and pillows to her liking and motioned for Yasha to lie down. "Umm, let's see. Are you hot? Your face is really red."

"Yes," Yasha said immediately. Her skin felt overheated and irritated. Even the texture of the blankets was almost painful on her bare arms.

"Okay, hang on." Jester started to go through her pockets, eventually producing a small scrap of cloth.

Yasha watched as Jester carefully poured some water over it. "What's that for?"

"It's going to go on your forehead," Jester explained. "Like this." She leaned over and carefully draped the wet cloth over Yasha's brow. "Lie back or it will fall off."

"Oh," Yasha said as immediate, blissful relief washed over her.

"I wish I had another one for the back of your neck," Jester said thoughtfully. "Maybe Caleb has a handkerchief in one of his 600 pockets."

"Jester," Yasha took her hand. "This is. Wonderful. Thank you." No one, not even Molly, not even Zuala, had taken care of her like this. It was almost overwhelming. "Really, thank you."

"It's nothing," Jester said, not looking Yasha in the eye. A deep purple brush was beginning to creep up her neck. "Um, anyway, do you want to sleep now?"

"I don't know." Yasha stretched as much as she could in the confines of the cart. "I'm tired, but not that kind of tired."

"How about I tell you a story? I can tell you all about Princess Fancybottom, the most beautiful, well-endowed princess in the whole world."

Yasha smiled. "That would be nice, Jester. You can-- You can lie down next to me if you want."

"Okay." Jester nodded, satisfied. "Close your eyes so you can really picture the story, okay?"

"That's a good idea, actually. I'm probably way colder than you are." Jester scooted in next to Yasha, settling in so their arms touched. "Ooh, you are warm. Let me know if you start to feel worse, okay?"

"I will."

Yasha closed her eyes. Jester began her tale of Princess Fancybottom as the cart rolled along the simple dirt path.

Yasha knew that the world was full of dangers and discomforts that she would eventually have to face, but in this moment, all she felt was safe.

[theadelaide-parade]

so i saw @kelenia‘s wonderful cr taz au art and i blinked and i had written more than 4000 words of the mighty nein in the balance campaign, so...here’s that, i guess

read it on ao3

It starts in a tavern - or, no, really it starts when Caleb responds to an ad calling for adventurers, because it’s that decision that results in him sitting in this tavern with these people, and he’s already beginning to regret it.

The tiefling woman, who calls herself Jester, has more boundless enthusiasm than Caleb thought possible for a single person. On the other hand, Yasha is even quieter than Caleb himself. There is no reason the three of them should make anything resembling a good team, and yet - 

No one expected the members of the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration to make friends with each other. It wasn’t necessary for the job, for one thing, but for another it just didn’t seem possible. Mollymauk was too loud, and Yasha was too quiet; Beau too stand-off-ish and Jester too friendly; Caleb and Nott too insular and Captain Fjord too ingratiating. You would be hard-pressed to find a more dissimilar group to send out on a long-term space mission together, but, well…

Watching your entire world be destroyed by black tentacles suddenly bursting from the sky had a way of bringing people together.

-

Jester wasn’t so sure about these companions of hers at first, but it turns out they work really well together! Okay, so they got a town kind of sort of blown up. It wasn’t for lack of trying, though! Even though Caleb sort of froze up mysteriously when they first saw the magic fire glove thingy, and even though Yasha barely spoke a word to anyone, and even though Jester kept getting distracted by the weird magic orb she found, she thought they did okay! 

Anyway, that person - Bryce? - who they saved from the weird spider dude sure thought so. They were really quick to recommend them for a job, anyway. And the Director didn’t really hesitate, either. All that stuff about these super dangerous magic items seems pretty crazy to Jester, but hey, now she has a job! With pretty cool people, too. Bryce is really nice, and Mollymauk doesn’t say much but he knew super awesome card tricks. The Director is nice, too, but...when she thinks no one is looking, Jester thinks she seems kind of sad.

-

Caleb was the first of their number to die, in cycle 6. It wasn’t exactly a surprise - Caleb had always been a little too breakable for his own good - but that didn’t make it any easier. Jester’s journal pages were often tear-stained that year, Beau grew increasingly snappish, and Nott withdrew almost completely. As the restart drew closer, it felt like the whole ship was holding its breath.

Almost before Caleb had finished appearing on the deck, Nott’s hand was pulling out of his as she tackled him in a desperate embrace, Jester not far behind. Fjord, from his place at the wheel, just heaved a sigh of relief. Thank the gods - on top of everything else they had to deal with, at least they could count on death to not be too permanent.

-

Yasha still isn’t sure what to make of her team, but she’s growing fond of them despite herself - despite what happened the last time she let herself get fond of someone. Nonetheless, she often finds herself despairing of their capabilities as they try to solve the murder mystery on this train. 

She cannot understate how strange these new friends of hers are. Jester has taken to calling herself “Not the Best Detective Agency,” which not only doesn’t inspire a great deal of confidence, but also doesn’t seem necessary since Jester is just one person, not exactly an agency. Yasha can usually count on Caleb to commiserate with her about Jester’s weirder moments - she’s still not totally convinced this “Traveler” is a real god, much less that proper worship requires painting dicks on every imaginable surface - but he’s been distracted by, of all things, a little halfling boy traveling alone. Certainly, Luc had given them some assistance, but Caleb couldn’t seem to deny the boy anything, and seemed as confused as anyone by this turn of events.

Still, they manage - with, okay, a LOT of help from Luc - to figure out the mystery, and return another Relic to the Director. And if Yasha feels a twinge of sorrow as Mollymauk wordlessly brings them their payment, beaming, for reasons she can’t begin to guess...well, she never claimed to be any less strange than her friends.

-

When Fjord appeared at Beau’s door one night, dripping with seawater - despite the fact that the current cycle was on a planet with no oceans to speak of - even the unflappable first mate was distinctly perturbed. When he described the strange dream he had - of looming eyes, booming voices, promises and threats - she channeled her disquiet into waking the rest of the crew for an immediate debrief.

Through some experimentation, they quickly discovered that both Fjord and Uk’otoa - as the entity apparently introduced itself - could initiate these conferences. They also discovered, to their horror, that Uk’otoa’s threats in Fjord’s dreams weren’t empty. Even though he came back in the new cycle, Jester was never quite the same after she found Fjord’s body in his bed, drowned overnight in his sleep.

-

Luc’s appearance as a new member of the Bureau of Balance doesn’t particularly surprise Caleb, but he gives a stern look at the Director when she makes the announcement, regardless. A boy that young has no business being employed by a shady organization, no matter how noble its purpose. After all, look what happened with...well. No need to bring up the past.

The Director, for her part, rolls her eyes in response. Caleb is not surprised by her informality. He thinks perhaps he should be, the Director is overall a very solemn woman, but something about her always seems to brighten when the Mighty Nein are around. (Look, he knows there are only three of them, it was never meant to be a serious suggestion.) Not just Jester, whose presence lights up any room she’s in, but Yasha too, and even Caleb.

Something about her gets heavier around them, too, like there is a weight on her shoulders. He knows better than to bring up either of those things to her, though. 

He also knows better than to complain in front of Jester, who will tease him for weeks, even when their new mission gets them wrapped up in, of all things, a battle wagon race.

-

There was a year, amidst all of the frantic searching for the Light, the desperate flights from the Hunger, where things were...good, almost. The planet they ended up on was mostly beaches, and they found the Light barely a week into the year. Suddenly, they found themselves with time to just...relax.

Nott mostly stayed on the ship doing alchemical experiments - for fun, though, not for any mission-related purpose - and Caleb alternated between keeping her company and lounging on the beach, working his way through a backlog of unread novels. Beau spent much of her time meditating, taking advantage of the sounds of the sea to hone her craft, but took frequent breaks to assist Jester with various pranks. Molly and Yasha sought out what few flowers they could discover and wove them into extravagant crowns and necklaces. Fjord stuck to his duties at first, unwilling to shed his persona as the responsible Captain, but eventually let loose and invented a new ocean sport. That year, the eruption of dark tentacles from the sky was even more disheartening than usual.

-

No matter what Caleb says, Jester thinks that the mission in Goldcliff went pretty well. They got the Gaia Sash and didn’t destroy even a little bit of the town in the process! Okay, yeah, there was that weird thing at the end with the lady in the red robe who started yelling at them about being afraid and hungry and then blew up or something, but Jester definitely isn’t worried.

That isn’t the right reaction, apparently, because when they tell the Director about the Red Robe she freaks the fuck out and says that if they see the lady again they have to run right away. She’s also super bummed about the Captain, who it turns out was a friend of hers, and who she really didn’t expect to fall under the Gaia Sash’s thrall. But it works out okay for the Mighty Nein, because they get to be the only Reclaimers now, since everybody else keeps getting thralled. Just another reason why the Mighty Nein are the coolest!

Jester also isn’t worried about how her magic orb kind of seems to have a mind of its own. No, definitely, definitely not worried.

-

On cycle 100, they landed on a plane that was a lot like their home. Or, at least, like the plane they started in; they’d all spent more time on the Balleater than they ever did in the place they were born, and the ship and its crew had started to feel more like home than anywhere else.

Anyway, this world was a lot like theirs. It had elves and dwarves and humans and orcs, and magic a lot like theirs, and weather a lot like theirs. And they had a plan, they’d been working on it for a while, and they found the Light fairly quickly. So, they decided that this was as good a place as any to try to put down roots. 

-

Of all their missions so far, this one might be Yasha’s least favorite. She doesn’t like the suits they have to wear to avoid the transmutation magic, and she doesn’t like the creepy singing crystals they keep running into, and she doesn’t like the pacifying tones of the servant of death who wants to arrest them for necromancy crimes. (He somehow manages to sound agreeable while listing their impossibly high death counts - if Yasha had died eight times, she’s pretty sure she would remember - and that is a mismatch of intention and demeanor that Yasha doesn’t trust one bit.)

Yasha also doesn’t like how easy it is to win this time. Yeza’s only punishment for messing with the laws of life and death (what was he thinking, the man is an alchemist) is having to send back the souls he summoned? All it takes to wipe clean the Mighty Nein’s slate is a game of chance? Death isn’t that easily pacified, Yasha knows very well. It isn’t fair that things should be so easy this time, when they never were before.

Still. If Caduceus can take her message to Zuala, wherever she is...maybe it wasn’t so bad, in the end.

-

They broke the Light into seven pieces. They hoped that in smaller chunks, whatever drew Uk’otoa to the Light - its craveability, as Jester dubbed it - might be diluted enough that Uk’otoa wouldn’t be able to find them. Each of them made a powerful artifact from one of the pieces. 

(Yasha, with her troubled past, made the Temporal Chalice. Fjord, lover of the wild seas, crafted the Gaia Sash. Nott, alchemist extraordinaire, created the Philosopher’s Stone. Caleb’s talent with fire flowed through the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. Jester made the Oculus to bring her wildest imaginings to life. Molly’s history with resurrection might or might not have influenced the Animus Bell. And Beau made a staff that even she, completely lacking in magical skill, could use to shield her friends from harm.)

And then they released the Relics into the world and hoped for the best.

-

Even while Caduceus was making his outrageous claims, Caleb was certain that he has not died dozens of times; his memory is perfect, he would remember that kind of thing. After the events in Refuge, he is even more certain, because dying is awful. He doesn’t think he could forget it if he had died before that terrible time loop.

That isn’t what has him hiding in his room like a coward, though. He’s overcome by the memories the Chalice had shown him, of his own terrible mistakes. The Academy, his time with Trent, his fall from grace - and that last memory, or rather, the earliest, that somehow gives him the most pause. He remembers flames, the screams of the dying. He remembers that he is to blame for their deaths, just as the Chalice showed him, but…

He doesn’t remember why.

This mystery wars for his attention with the guilt of turning down his chance to make everything right. He takes some small comfort in the fact that the dangerous artifact is destroyed now, and that Yasha and Jester made the same choice, but he doubts that they have made any mistakes so great as his. Even with these sudden holes in his memory, he has no difficulty believing that he burned those people - whoever they were - to their deaths at some point during his sordid history. But why doesn’t he remember?

Eventually, he’s torn from his melancholy by Luc knocking at his door. Of course, he remembers, it’s magic day; he’s agreed to teach the boy some of what he knows, and he’s glad to do so. They are meant to move on to mage hand, today, since Luc has picked up on message so quickly. He’ll just have to try and put this puzzle out of his mind for the time being.

-

As the months passed, and Uk’otoa never arrived, it became clear that the plan had worked. The problem with this world being so like their home plane, though, was that the people had the same corruption inside of them. The Relics’ craveability was too much to ignore, and in short order wars broke out. Each of Relics caused tremendous damage, and each member of the IPRE felt the guilt of creating them. 

Caleb tried to stop a conflict over the Gauntlet, once, and made things much, much worse. None of them felt like trying to interfere after that.

Eventually, Beau proposed a new plan: if she put up a shield around this plane, using her Staff, Uk’otoa wouldn’t be able to get to them, even if they were eventually discovered. The Light would be safe forever. Molly argued against this plan immediately. The plane wouldn’t survive without its bonds, it would fall apart. Besides that, it wouldn’t do any good to the planes that Uk’otoa had already consumed. They needed to find a better solution.

They put it to a vote. It was unanimous against Beau’s plan. She admitted defeat, and put it aside. They could only watch as their Relics continued to destroy the world.

-

Jester is not freaking out. She isn’t. Jester is a-okay all the time, no problem, no worries. It’s just that...when she went to go visit the Voidfish - you know, like you do - it’s just. Her magic orb kind of seemed to...react to it? Like it wanted to say something, almost. And if that wasn’t weird enough, she figured out what the Voidfish’s song means. The Voidfish has a baby.

And, okay, if the Voidfish has a baby that means the Director has been keeping secrets. Like, way more secrets than even a Director of a super-secret organization should have. And from the Mighty Nein, of all people! Call Jester crazy, but she feels like she has a bond with the Director, and she thinks the Director feels it too. Like they should be best friends, not just boss and employee. 

But none of Jester’s friends would keep secrets like this from her, she doesn’t think. Even though Yasha didn’t tell her about Zuala for ages, and even though Caleb still won’t tell her what the Chalice offered him...Okay. Maybe her friends would keep secrets like this from her. Still. Something is fishy. (Pun totally intended.)

-

It wasn’t all bad. Veth met a wonderful man named Yeza, and after a brief but passionate courtship they were married, and perfectly happy. 

Except.

Except that the world was falling down around them, and Veth had never been one to sit idle while things went wrong, and so she went out into the world over and over again to try and minimize the damage their creations were causing. And one day, she didn’t return.

Caleb came out of his depression just enough to help Yeza search tirelessly for Veth. They found no trace of her. 

-

Yasha takes back everything she said about the Crystal Kingdom debacle. Wonderland is, without question, the worst. Yasha herself has lost vitality, aged a decade in moments, and lost some future moment of glory, but it still feels like she has suffered the least.

What she hates is having to help Caleb struggle forward with so little health left. (He took a penalty rather than lose any memories, and another to try and avoid losing what little vitality he has; Yasha took that penalty for him, but that didn’t stop him from rolling body again. After such a loss, the first of his two successive skull rolls nearly killed him in a single hit.)

What she hates is watching Jester try to keep up a positive attitude after losing the only memory she had left of her mother, and most of her vision. (Jester lost her darkvision in the first round; in the third round she rolled brain again and couldn’t give up her memory of meeting the Traveler. Yasha wanted to take her penalty too, but Jester wouldn’t let her roll three times in the third round; when Jester rolled eye again and lost her left eye completely, the horrible demon twins just laughed and declared it bad luck. Yasha hates them most of all.)

-

It happened on a day like any other. Caleb and Yeza were planning their next avenue of investigation for Veth; Fjord was chatting with Jester and Molly at the helm; Yasha was looking for Beau to ask for a spar. 

It hit them all at once; they began to forget what they were talking about, who they were talking to. Caleb found himself losing Veth’s name in the middle of a sentence about her. Molly found himself losing words all together, too invested in his friends and the mission to remember anything at all without them. Yasha found herself staring at Beau as the first mate fed the last few pages of Jester’s journal to the voidfish, and Beau caught her as she fell.

-

Caleb doesn’t know what to make of any of this. He doesn’t know what he was expecting when he cast true seeing on himself, but it certainly wasn’t to catch sight of the mysterious robed woman from Goldcliff. Even less expected was communicating with her in thieves’ cant - he doesn’t remember ever learning thieves’ cant, all of these gaps in his memory are getting more worrying - and deciding, despite himself, to trust her. It feels right.

He nearly dies (again) when the succubus expels him from his own body using his second skull roll. Jester pulls some kind of miracle through the Traveler to get him into a temporary mannequin body, but not before his original body is destroyed, and not before he has some kind of vision of a world with two suns that feels like...home. And then that robed woman is there again, asking them to trust her, and he wants to, and Jester does too, because apparently the Director has been hiding things, and with that it takes only a little convincing for Yasha to go along with it all.

As they destroy their stones of farspeech to the sound of Luc’s desperate questions, he can only hope they aren’t making a terrible mistake.

-

Beau placed them carefully. Mollymauk, poor Molly, she had to keep at her side. He was as friendly as ever, but he just wasn’t the same as before. Losing his memories did something to him; he wouldn’t make it alone. He’d have to stay with her.

Fjord, she was dismayed to discover, had vanished. Gone without a trace, just like Veth, and now there were two of their party Beau either had to search for, using precious resources, or give up on, and live with the guilt.

-

If Jester stops to think about anything that’s happening right now, she might just lose her mind, so she isn’t going to. She won’t think about how the Red Robe turned out to be Nott the Brave, who they met in Phandalin before it was destroyed. She won’t think about how the Director has been hiding another Voidfish, and how they have to find it without her catching them if they want to get back the memories they are, apparently, missing. She really won’t think about how that means breaking into the Director’s office.

She finds herself instead thinking about her weird magic orb. Something has kept her from thinking about it too much, too deeply, but she thinks maybe she should have tried harder. It’s starting to feel important. 

-

The remaining three weren’t so tragic, not at first. Yasha, Beau found a community for, where her strength would be valued. She was overjoyed when she learned that Yasha had found a wife. She was devastated to discover that her friend’s love had been lost.

Jester ended up in a bustling city, residing in the care of a kindly performer. She thrived, for a time, finding new mischief constantly, and Beau delighted to check in on her. But one day, when Beau took a look, she found Jester confined to her home. Her mischief got out of hand, she went after the wrong person, and now she was in danger if she went outside. Beau maybe should have found a slightly less exciting home for Jester.

Caleb, she placed in a farming town that reminded her of the stories he told her of his birthplace. She expected him to thrive, and he did, for a while. Then he got caught up in some kind of wizard cult, and she didn’t notice until he’d gotten caught up in a mass murder. She could never find the evidence that Ikithon was the one really behind it, but Caleb certainly seemed convinced it was his own fault. New nightmares joined the flashbacks of events he couldn’t even remember, and Caleb’s life on the run got worse and worse, and Beau...couldn’t fix it. There wasn’t anything she could do but finish the mission as quickly as she could.

-

By some means that are beyond Yasha’s ability to fathom, Luc has gotten involved in this harebrained scheme, because he figured out that the Mighty Nein were up to something. Now she and Jester (with Nott secretly in tow) are breaking into their boss’s office on the intel of a mysterious lich woman who Caleb said they should trust, while Caleb and the kid are going to get him a new body that Luc thinks Pumat Sol might have for some reason.

It’s all a little beyond Yasha. But she wants to know the truth behind all of this, and if it takes breaking into a few offices to do it, she will. She’s very good at breaking things.

(Fjord is desperate. He’s been trapped in this gods-damned ball since Uk’otoa put him into it years ago, when he thought he died but didn’t, and he’s tried everything he can think of to get Jester to notice his presence. Nothing has been enough, and he’s terrified that his crew, his friends, his family, are about to go up against Uk’otoa without him, and there’s nothing he can do about it.)

(Veth didn’t mean to be gone for so long, she really didn’t. She barely meant to leave at all - she and Yeza had just gotten married, and life was finally really good for her. It was just - her Relic kept leaving a trail of destruction, and Caleb was so distraught about what had happened with the Gauntlet, and she just couldn’t stand it anymore. She had to do something.

She didn’t know that she’d run into that goblin tribe and get captured. She’d never have guessed that that witch would curse her and make her a lich, and make it impossible for her to get back to Yeza.

She definitely wouldn’t have risked it if she’d known she was pregnant.)

(Empty, empty, empty, empty - )

Caleb and Luc are racing through the halls after Caleb fended off those shadow creatures, knowing that something is happening, and whatever it is, the Director probably knows what it is. They burst into the office just in time to see Jester and Yasha down the Voidfish ichor, and the Director doesn’t arrive in time to keep Caleb and Luc from doing the same.

Memories flash through Caleb’s mind almost too fast for him to process. The Gauntlet - his Gauntlet - and the voyage, and Uk’otoa - the Director is watching in horror...no, Beauregard, Beau, why would she - ? And then he can’t think about any of that because he’s thinking about Veth, oh gods, how could he forget about Veth?

Jester is so busy dealing with all these new memories - Beau, Veth, Fjord, where’s Fjord? - that she barely notices her magic orb thud to the ground and begin to roll away. It rolls all the way over to Luc, and when he picks it up, it suddenly glows bright as a star.

I didn’t do that! Luc yells.

I know, Jester says, and she does, and she shatters the ball on the ground, and it explodes in light, and oh, there’s Fjord.

Through a blur of memories, Yasha watches her captain appear in an explosion of yellow. Then she watches Veth, released suddenly from the bag of holding, whirl towards Beau but freeze when she catches sight of Luc.

...Luc? It’s barely more than a whisper.

Luc squints, then his eyes widen and get very watery very quickly. Mama?

And then they’re holding each other and everyone else is wrapped up in that apparent reunion but Yasha only has eyes for Molly - Molly, Molly, Molly - wiping his mouth of the Voidfish ichor he drank during all the commotion. His eyes meet hers briefly, clear for the first time in years, and he winks before turning to the Director.

What the actual fuck, Beau?

Beau doesn’t know how it all fell apart so quickly. All of her plans, all of the sacrifices she’s made - she knows the rest of the group didn’t approve of her idea, but they were never good at seeing the big picture, that was her job - up in smoke. Uk’otoa is here, even though they split up the Light, and there’s no time, they either have to block this world off or run.

Beau wants to use her plan, of course. Fjord is all for running, and Caleb and Molly are quickly falling to his camp. Veth and Yasha don’t want to run, they have family and memories on this world, but they don’t think Beau’s plan will work either. It’s all starting to devolve into a screaming match when Jester softly says - 

What if there’s a third option?

From there, everything happens very quickly. Fjord steers the ship, masterful at the wheel as he’s ever been, while Veth and Molly head to the surface to fight off the incursion there. Beau is preparing the shield - with the bit of magic she’s picked up over the years, because she had to learn this spell herself after she wiped the memory of every mage in her party. And the Mighty Nein (gods it’s a stupid name, even now that they’re applying it to all of them there’s still only seven of them, it’s exactly what she would have expected,) is going to fight. And...they’re going to win.

And they do.

[commaless-a]

 archmage’s bane is the bane of many mage’s existence, and i wouldn’t be surprised if that extended to nott, our little arcane trickster. 

as she said, she doesn’t know much about magic -- that when she found out caleb was a wizard, she’d decided to stick by his side in the hopes he could be strong enough to change her back to a goblin, instead of searching for already powerful wizards/sorcerers/druids to change her back. she did want to find a solution to change her back, going back to her family was important -- but she didn’t know anything about the world of the arcane, despite having a knack for it and having a few spells -- and i think that’s why she was pretty languid when it came to her quest, depending on caleb to figure it out on his own while she travels with him until he finds out how to help her. i wouldn’t say she was impatient -- mainly because she didn’t know what to do. she knew what she wanted in the end for herself, and she’s taking steps to accomplish her goals, but her goals are in a completely different world from her. 

we know nott is a very intelligent woman -- and i’d feel when an intelligent woman doesn’t necessarily know what to do to accomplish something, she’ll research, learn, observer and take notes -- and i think following caleb was paramount to her quest, because if she follows an arcane fellow around, she’d surely learn more about magic, and the possible ways to help her out of her conundrum, right?

a lot of that changed over time as she traveled with the nein, of course. i think she’d already know that death was fickle -- with so many deaths and near deaths ( molly, jester, caduceus, and if we count the times the nein have been knocked UNCONSCIOUS ?? ) i think that nagging sense of impatience began to grow: because death can happen anytime, her existence could be compromised at any second, and she needed to find her family, fix herself -- but she’s nowhere NEAR to figuring out what she can do -- at least until later, where caleb finds books about spells and things that could help her turn into a halfling again. she’s growing impatient, but it’s slow. when she goes to felderwin and finds out her family is compromised, she grows even more impatient.

i think it all changed at the happy fun ball -- i think this is one of the biggest parts in her arc -- we’ve got her family back, and now we have a very clear solution in her view: there’s a half-finished spell, an alive wizard that was making that exact spell, and everything seems so clear to her. she trusts him immediately, because obviously, someone who can help her is a good person, right ?? he says there’s no traps ?? she believes him. she doesn’t search -- she doesn’t even think of it to search. he’s her solution, it’d be incomprehensible if she couldn’t trust him, right?

then she fucking dies -- and oh god, that’s a whole can of worms to unpack -- she’s dead, when she revives she isn’t in her halfling body -- and her relationship with death is VERY complicated: she thinks she’s expendable, especially because she’s in a body she HATES -- she’ll fling herself in front of all of her friends, but at the same time she doesn’t WANT to die for the sake of her family -- i wouldn’t be surprised if she’s desensitized to it, and that’d explain a lot about her taking the blow for jester, running on lava, and what she said before the dreadnought. “i’ve already died once -- if i die again, at least it’d be with friends” -- it’s a weird balance between “i’m invincible” and “i’m expendable”. 

but yeah. she dies, she’s revived -- not in her halfling body: and obviously, she doesn’t even THINK to blame halas -- she puts it on herself. she should’ve checked, should’ve been more careful -- not the fact that halas wasn’t forthcoming ( or maybe he actually genuinely didn’t remember ?? But Who Knows ) -- she apologizes. caleb’s upset, everyone’s sad -- she’s probably going to try and be more careful, try to check for more traps, but she’s already compartmentalized that whole shebang -- she’s already distanced enough from that to joke about it when yussah’s free from the prison of soot -- and she’s subconsciously stopped drinking with the confrontation with jester, so -- i def don’t mind the notion that nott will try to check for traps -- but i guarantee that once that’s brought up she’s going to stop looking for traps again -- or at least it’ll wane after a few days or so.

and... that last part, where she talks to caleb. i’ve talked about the duality between “so he can save me” and “but if he can help me” -- and it INTRIGUES me how she phrases it. “but if he can help me, isn’t it worth pursuing?” she’s putting herself first, now -- she’s saying she’s important despite how she says she thinks her quest would be done after EVERYONE ELSE’S is, she’s suggesting -- or more likely saying it in a more passive way -- that they NEED to free halas, they NEED to talk to him to go to HER arc. makes me think about her banter with fjord -- “i spent so much TIME on the SEA for your backstory, now it’s time for MY backstory and you don’t even bother??” or SOMETHING like that. she’s, honestly, kind of arguing against caleb in her own way, where caleb tells her that he’ll help, that halas is a bad man, and nott just. responds. “what the hell am i supposed to do then?”

and especially with turbulent dynamics with caleb -- from felderwin to refjorged to now. i think her trust in caleb is wavering. she loves him, she trusts him -- but with a more powerful wizard at their disposal, does she really need him?

her priorities are changing. it may come to a point that her loyalties that lie with caleb and the nein may be tested.

she’s definitely getting impatient now. she’s stubborn, she’s going to pursue something when she finds a loud, vocal solution. she’s getting impatient.

[princessamericachavez]

So with the recent episode, immediately there's been some theories about Nott, though most seems to be... conspiracy-level theory? What is your opinion of the most likely one to be true before next week?

Oh god. 

Look, there’s so many theories, and I could meta all day but it seems kinda pointless because I’m pretty sure of 3 things:

a. We have incomplete information.

b. We have false information.

c. Sam Riegel is a trickster god and completely unpredictable.

Still, maybe I can try to make a list of the different theories I’ve seen so far? So at least we can compare. I think most of the following are likely to a certain degree, and many are also not mutually exclusive, more than one could be true.

So, yeah, okay, let’s see if I can make any of this make sense: 

Nott was originally a halfling named Beth (Veth? Idk where this spelling came from tbh?)

This particular theory has some subdivisions: 

Nott died and was Reincarnated as a goblin by a druid. 

Nott died and Yezza did something alchemic that brought her back but in a Goblin body. 

Yezza did something alchemic and as an accident she got turned into a goblin. 

Okay, so I know there’s some things going against this theory. Mainly: 

Nott said she’s somewhere between 6 and 9 years old which would mean she birthed Luke while as a goblin (if she birthed him at all)

though consider she could’ve been lying about her age

or, if she was reincarnated, I don’t think the spell brings you as a baby, so it’s likely her new body was around 6 years old, which would also explain her giving a margin because she’s not entirely sure what her body’s age in goblin years could be

also though, Nott has talked about growing up with her clan and being taken into an apprenticeship as a torturer which would be unlikely if she wasn’t always a goblin

again, though, she could’ve been lying to the group? we don’t know?

Also Nott has shown goblin tendencies before, like eating raw fish and rats which would not line up with a halfling upbringing 

In favor of this theory

When talking to Fjord and Molly, Nott described Caleb changing her as “fixing” her, “fixing all this” as she gestured at her whole person. 

She often talks about Goblins as if she wasn’t one of them. 

Her son is a halfling, so there’s no way that could be biological if she’s a goblin (unless Yezza’s alchemy had something to do with it)

Nott has always been a goblin 

Again, this theory has some subdivisions:

Nott witnessed Beth’s death and took her place for Luke this is freaky, especially if Beth was already Yezza’s wife, in a number of levels, but would explain why Yezza told Luke his mother was killed by goblins. Still, kinda fucked up, imho.

Nott’s story is true, she met Yezza, fell in love and they ran away, which still doesn’t explain Luke.

She could’ve taken up the Beth persona later, in hiding with Yezza, to try to live a normal life with him and Luke. 

That still doesn’t explain why she left. 

Or why Yezza would tell Luke she was dead. 

Or why she says she needed to get stronger to come back... if she was already living as Beth well enough, the decision to leave makes no sense.

This also implies she lied about running on the opposite direction of Yezza, which again bares the question how much has she lied about?

HOW MUCH SAM

Either way, Nott clearly lived for a while in the city and not with the clan, enough to know about Yezza’s shop, his basement, his son, and for Edith to know Beth, although if this “Beth” is “Nott” is still an iffy subject.

Which leads me to

About Luka’s parentage

He could be Nott/Beth and Yezza’s biological son, if she ever was a halfling. 

He could be Nott and Yezza’s biological son if he did some weird alchemic shit to make it possible.

He could be Yezza and Beth’s (not Nott) son who she later came to see as a son. 

He could be Yezza’s son who was still a baby when he was taken to be tortured, part of which made Nott soften towards him, and later adopted by Nott as a mother when they ran away.

He could be neither of them’s biological son, maybe one of the “stolen babies” that they saved on their way out as they ran away and started raising together.

I would even guess he’s only Yezza’s and, while Nott passed herself as Beth, she never quite met nor raised him and is checking on him in Yezza’s behalf, but the kid clearly knew her as “mommy” and immediately recognized her... besides, excuse me but That Look Is a Mother’s You Can’t Convince Me Otherwise

If nothing else, Nott loves Luke as a son and that doesn’t need much speculating. 

That’s as far as I’ve heard. Anyone else got more theories to add to the meta train?

[cardinaldaughter]

I love every member of the Mighty Nein; there’s not a single character I dislike, though admittedly I do have my favorites. But today I was thinking about how, for me, my realization of *how much* I loved each character individually came at such specific moments.

Jester: I loved Jester the first moment I saw her. But the first time I saw her was in a gif set on tumblr where she was talking about Tusk Love. I had no idea who Jester was, no idea who Laura Bailey was (though I was already deeply in love with Serana in Skyrim- I just didn’t know she was the voice actress). I saw several gif sets of Jester, and each one was hilarious. She’s the reason I watch this show. She’s what got me interested, and though I have since grown attached to other characters, I think deep down Jester will always have a special place in my heart as the catalyst for everything.

Beau: I liked Beau from the beginning. She was abrasive, cocky, self-righteous, and I liked that about her. And then I learned about Keyleth/Marisha hate and decided to like Beau on principle. Then Bowlgate happened and even though neither her or Caleb handled it great, I just... really appreciated how Marisha played her character so much. That was when Beau became my bae.

Nott: Listen, the moment Sam Riegel opened his mouth and that screechy-ass voice came out, I knew Nott was going to be a fucking treat. Then she said her name, and I was like “oh yeah. This little goblin girl is gonna fuck with me so great.” And then Nott described her relationship to Caleb- “I am the parent”- and I realized there was a well of yet-to-be-discovered-depth to this character and I was hooked.

Caleb: I actually was ambivalent to Caleb for a while. I didn’t dislike him but I didn’t get him. And then Yasha, Fjord, and Jester were captured. And Molly died. And Caleb was thrust into the forefront, and he struggled and had a panic attack after talking to Ophelia and he turned invisible in Lorenzo’s lair and was a mess of anxiety and adrenaline and rage, and his one-liner of “you should not have killed my cat.” Like. I AM Caleb, just without the story-specific-trauma and magic. That cat loving ball of anxiety who loves his friends but still feels so alone? Pot meet kettle. Fuck.

Fjord: When Uk’atoa took his powers, and he ran outside, panicked, alone, and feeling so small, this past episode, I just... wanted to hug my half-orc boy so bad I couldn’t stand it. The look on his face when that little bird illusion appeared in his hand? Oh boy. My emotions. I’ve always liked Fjord, but I never really connected with him. But seeing him at such a low point, seeing him revert back to his old accent and not being able to open up to anyone, knowing how that isolation feels-? Fjord, buddy. Come ‘ere. Let me love you.

Yasha: I have a hard time with Yasha because Ashley has been so absent. Her backstory really made me appreciate her, but the moment I would consider the one where she really got to me was when she shaved Caleb and they bonded. This big hulking woman, doing such a delicate task with a fucking broadsword? Her being so shy and timid with Caleb? Just. You precious angel. I love you.

Molly: “I’m going to sit over here and silently have a nervous breakdown over everything that happened.” I loved Molly from the moment Taliesin opened his mouth and mispronounced his own damn name. But knowing Molly could actually be bothered, be upset, be affected by things? That was where I really latched onto him. There was some depth to him that he’d expertly been keeping hidden, and I was so eager to see how what he would do when forced to face a world that demanded things from him that he didn’t want to give.

Caducues: Again, the moment Tal opened his mouth I was in love, but with many reservations. I struggled with Caduceus because I missed Molly. They are their own characters, distinctly so, but I wanted Molly back. I still want Molly back, in some ways. But I was eager to see what Taliesin was going to do with his new character, though I was admittedly not too thrilled with the idea of a firbolg. (I have since repented for that sin.) The moment that Caduceus really became a member of the M9 for me though, the moment I realized I was okay with him being there, was when he was almost left behind when the gang accidentally stole a pirate ship. I was so worried for Caducues, so worried about his safety, his health, his mental well-being. I realized I didn’t want to lose him, and was so relieved when he got on the boat. I was so glad he was okay, and it dawned on me that by desperately wanting him to stay, I had finally accepted him as a part of the group.

Not really sure why I said all this, other than just trying to fight off a bout of anxiety and thinking of the Mighty Nein is keeping my brain occupied. Also the formatting on mobile is wonky and stupid.

[widobravely]

hey kids! (spelling is fun!) (i’m kidding) do you like dancing in your fics? do you like jester lavorre licking honey off of herself? do you like caleb.exe crashing because of said honey-licking?

then i am proud to present to you Welcome to Burlesque, @ladyofpurple​‘s Burlesque AU! 

fjord is marrying avantika, so for his stag party, molly takes him, beau and a kicking-and-screaming caleb to the lavish chateau. by sheer happenstance (or???? who knows how molly works), the little sapphire is performing that night, and caleb is slammed headfirst into--

--something.

what i love about this fic is the characterization and the nods to critical role canon present. i have never watched the movie, so you can tell me if there are equivalents in the movie: caleb carries twenty-seven photos of frumpkin in his wallet. jester, despite living in a club, still drinks cold milk at the bar. little things like that, which ground the fic and make it familiar but still an exploration of What Could Be.

also the honey. the fucking honey.

caleb and jester find each other so ridiculously fucking sexy it’s so great. it’s lust-but-not-just-lust-at-first-sight. the first time caleb sees jester dance, he BSODs:

The room was tilting, everything was spinning, but it couldn’t be, because his feet were rooted firmly in place, and no force on any plane of existence could have shifted him from where he stood. He was mesmerized, transfixed, a fire could have broken out and burned the place to ashes around him — and for all he knew, it could be going up in flames already, it was so warm in here suddenly, surely it wasn’t this hot when Molly had dragged him in here in the first place — because the rest of the club was inconsequential now; the world was reduced to him, her, and the stage on which she danced.

the first time caleb and jester actually for real talk, jester nearly fucking dies:

...She didn’t know how long she stood there, heart hammering, an odd buzzing in her ears. When she finally collapsed backwards into bed, sinking deeply into the mattress, she pulled the nearest pillow over her face and squealed.

He’d flirted with her. He’d really, really flirted with her, when she wasn’t even working, when it was just the two of them in her messy little bedroom; and she was the best at flirting, she got paid to be the best at flirting, and he was still so good at it that he’d won.

He was a wizard, he carried twenty-seven pictures of his cat in his wallet, and he flirted with her so good that he’d won.

this fic is my new obsession. as of the latest chapter, caleb has just given jester his number, so i’m hoping there will be cute texts sometime soon, and maybe nudes in the future???? who knows!!!!!! not me, and not you either, if you don’t read it!!!!