#i even forgot which episode I took the reference from until I rewatched it and was like OHH THAT'S IT!!

[not-roboto]

The Gang (20 cm x 20 cm, oil on paper) a series of small paintings I made of the backs of the gang.

[mittensmorgul]

Hi, I have a question, and I hope it would be interesting for you too... Could we talk about angel's wings and feathers?..

I always thought that angel's wings were a part of their true form, a kind of energy which we can only see as a shadows or electric sparks or ash or something like this.

And I didn't think that it could be a real wings with feathers as bird's. Until, while rewatch, I've noticed that angel's feather were mentioned in SPN at least twice (maybe you've noticed more?):

1) In 8.12 when Henry Winchester time travels he uses an angel feather in spell. And then Dean tells that Henry stole an angel feather from the trunk of the Impala. So feathers are reall??? Why did the Winchestets keep the feather in the trunk of the Impala and where they get it? (ok, maybe they found it in the bunker)

2) In 12.13 Sam uses a white feather in spell returning Gavin back in time (we know this spell needs an angel feather)

So now we can see how the real angel feather looks like???

Does that mean that the angel's wings can be presented in physical world like a real wings with feathers and this is not fanfiction? I like this idea so much.

I think that the creators of the show didn't let us to see it, as many other great things, that is sad...

I would really like to know your thoughts about this.

(Sorry for my bad english, it is not my native language...)

Hi there! First off, your English is fine! (lol it’s my native language, and I just typed it “Inglish” by accident, so you’re already doing better than I am :’D)

ETA: DON’T REBLOGGY THIS YET. I forgotted something that @thayerkerbasy just reminded me of, and I’m editing this post... brb... okay NOW YOU CAN REBLOGGY!)

As far as I know, those are the only times in canon we ever see or hear mention of an angel feather, and both times it’s for the same exact spell. They reference that it’s Henry’s spell when they use it again in 12.13, but make no mention in dialogue of it being an angel feather. Yet Sam had a whole jar of fluffy little pin feathers, so the assumption is that they’d been collecting them for a while (unless those were either found in the Men of Letters’ spell ingredient stockpile when they moved into the bunker, or otherwise given to them by Cas at some point).

It’s weird, because they seem like a very limited commodity, especially after the angels fell and their wings all burned up. Even after Cas got his original grace back, his wings never seemingly recovered. When we did finally see his wing prints in 12.23, they were still... not healthy... So my thinking is that any spell that would require them will become impossible to cast when their current supply runs out. All the other angels-- at the end of the series-- were either dead or locked in Heaven with their broken wings. We never learned any of their fates. Maybe they were all rendered obsolete under the Heaven Remodel?

A little behind the scenes from the early days of SPN as a bonus, since it’s tangentially relevant:

When they were filming the very early episodes of SPN, they had a lot of choices to make about what to show us based on what their budget would allow them to portray. Think of an episode like Wendigo, 1.02. One thing I see people say often was that it was a shame we didn’t see more of the monster, but only saw like... bushes shaking, or a vague form moving through the underbrush, or a blur. They made a stylistic choice right there to keep it within budget.

The options they faced were showing us a “dude in a rubber mask” type monster and showing it more, versus one really terrifying shot of a Proper Monster™ dying in spectacular fashion. Rather than go full-on cheesemonster, they chose to leave most of it up to our imaginations, giving us glimpses or hints of the monster.

They went back and forth on this a bit over the years, attempting to show us more on occasion, but most of those times the audience reaction has been varying degrees of wtf... Think about some of the scenes where they attempted to give us more than a glimpse at the supernatural, or a blood splatter, or whatever. It didn’t always work well. Think: the wire fight from 13.23...

I mean, it took us until 11.14 to ever see an angel “flap away,” when we saw Casifer zap Dean off the exploding submarine.

For the most part, I appreciate the fact that they understood the limitations of their own budget and didn’t give angels cheap little wings just to be able to show them on camera. Over time, only being able to see them as shadows, or as char after the angel died, became part of the lore of the show.

I blame Adam Glass for writing that spell, because he probably thought it sounded cool or whatever, that it was effectively a throwaway line because no other spell they’ve ever used has required an angel feather as an ingredient, and in story it was only linked into this larger Men of Letters Legacy plot that in retrospect feels like Chuck tying up loose ends and putting previously “deactivated” plotlines back into play.

I do find it kind of interesting that both iterations of this spell (the second resurrected by Bucklemming) were both tied to Abaddon. Henry’s spell in 8.12 brought her into the story from the past, she eventually travelled to the much further distant past to bring Gavin into the present (presumably with her own power alone, no angel feather required), and then after she was killed, they used the spell to return Gavin to his own time. So in a a way, the spell was part of a closed narrative loop, never to be referred to again.

Kinda wild that we’d never heard of angel feathers being a thing for spells until we learn that Dean apparently had some just stashed in the trunk, though... :’D

As for how corporeal angel feathers are/were, they exist in the earthly plane enough to leave char marks when they burn, when an angel is killed, so they must always have had the potential to manifest physically. I can’t imagine they ever would’ve had a budget to show us anything more than what we usually saw, though. It did give them a LOT of flexibility over how exactly they presented them to us when they DID show us. And I can’t even imagine the suffering Misha would’ve endured as an actor spending all those years wearing some weird wing harness rig. It would’ve been... impractical. And the CGI the show could’ve afforded-- especially in earlier days-- would’ve been... bad...

But what they were able to show us? Was often awesome. Remember when Raphael showed off his wings in 5.03? LIGHTNING!

And when we finally did see actual corporeal-appearing wings in 8.23... it was Dramatique™

And for More CGI Is Sometimes A Bad Thing Science, please have the attempt at Michael’s “true form” from 14.01:

It’s kinda a super-letdown after AU!Michael’s previous shadow wing displays from 13.01, but more specifically from 13.22:

those... were... badass... 

Even the pre-wire-fight wing shadows on Dean were badass:

But if they’d tried to show us more of them, to make them move through action scenes for example, it would’ve been... bad...

So what we’re left with is the knowledge that there is some sort of corporeal element to wings that we simply can’t see most of the time, but clearly angels have the ability to show or hide them at will, even from other angels. Could it be an act of will on the part of the angel that manifests a bit of their grace in the form of a physical feather? Honestly, that’s the theory I’ve personally adopted toward canon. In fanfic, I’ve read tons of various headcanons about what angel wings are and how they function-- everything from “a manifestation of their true form” to “angels share a lot of traits with birds” to “an extension of their grace,” and everything in between.

I personally, in canon, like to think of it as akin to how they’ve used angel grace for other spells. I mean, when we recall that angels haven’t been on Earth much for the last few thousand years (aside from at least a couple of known incidents where angels interfered with humanity, like Ishim and Company in 12.10, for example, and the presumptive extension that the Men of Letters knew of the existence of angels and likely summoned one up a time or two the same way Lily Sunder had, giving one explanation for how Henry Winchester knew of this spell and had an angel feather to use for it, but also recontextualized when Lily Sunder taught us that humans can use their own souls to power spells in the same way angels used their grace... which sort of makes the notion of needing an angel feather AND his own soul to charge that particular spell in 8.12 a bit redundant unless Lily’s knowledge of angelic magic was more advanced than Henry’s... hrmpf.... so much tangent... back to the point)...

We did eventually learn of other spells that required an angel’s actual grace, not concentrated in the form of a feather. The Angel Fall Spell in 8.23 being the prime example. Metatron took ALL of Cas’s grace for that one, even if he didn’t use all of it for the spell and left a “fragment” (Metatron described it as “not a lot, but enough.”). 

ETA: HECK. I have 9.03 on the tv right now and it’s distractedly made me disgusted enough to have forgotten something that Thayer just reminded me of: Lucifer’s “fossilized feather” in 12.07. It held enough grace to restore and heal him after Rowena’s spell in 12.03 had degraded him. Which really only adds to the theory that “feathers” are simply bits of grace that have been rendered solid somehow, but that can be transformed back into grace as needed.

And then there was the Rift Spell for travelling to alternate universes that required archangel grace, as well as the time travel/ward breaking spell that Sam found in 11.14 that ALSO required archangel grace specifically. Would these spells have worked with an archangel “feather?” Possibly, if material feathers are somehow just crystalized bits of grace, but since we never got a full explanation in canon, and never even really saw corporeal feathery wings that dropped feathers or could be plucked, and never even had mention of corporeal feathers outside of their use in this single spell, it’s really up to our own interpretation. And I kind of like it that way, because that way we get to have fun little discussions like this one. :D

I know this isn’t a definitive answer, but it’s how it all makes sense to me, in the hand-wavey sort of way that all of canon works. :’D

[zozophoenixxx]

Friendly reminders about The Flash⚡️

Things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Season 5✨

Drunk ciscooooo "ancipitate" 😂😂😂 (ep1)

Nora is a forensic scientist too

I have absolutely no memory of this season

Gridlock, 🄱🄻🄾🄲🄺, Cicada 🦗, 𝑹𝒂𝒈𝒅𝒐𝒍𝒍, Icicle, Weather Witch- Joss Jackam, Mark Mardon's daughter 😳, Godspeed.

Schway

Imma start using that

I hate s5 suit but the ring thing is pretty cool

JOE BAHSHAHHA he was the first one to find the lounge lolll

I miss Harry I hope he comes back this season 🥺

Sherloque Wells🥸

Nora saved Cisco's life (ep3)

West-Allen kiss count (approximately): 48😘

Straight haired Caitlin reminds me of s1 Caitlin

Iris can't cook lmaooo

I tend to forget that Barry is actually not a good athlete at all🥺😂

West-Allen forehead kisses🥺

I love how Caitlin enjoyed punching Sherloque 😂

Oh gosh I do remember that this episode was extremely creepy (ep5 all doll'd up)

Cecile's curly hair 🤩😍🥰

Not one of the hidden messages Caitlin's father left for her being Khione- the Greek goddess of snow and ice and this is absolutely not me knowing this because of PJO lmaoo, so I imagine it's him trying to tell her something about Killer Frost

And cisco🥺 vibing was hurting him and he still did it for her 🥺❤️ (ep5)

Iris really jumped off the building to save Barry🥺 ufff she's such a badass

When team Flash's satellite was destroyed by the enlightenment, Devoe's were still there so Cisco hacked into them to use them and called them- Hal, Robbie, Data and Colossus

Nora didn't know that Thawne killed Barry's mom

Cisco found a meta-human cure, he wanted to get rid of his powers bc he wants a family🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Jessica Parker is honestly such a great actress like I've already cried in two of her scenes

When she realized she couldn't move her legs because Cicada broke her back

When she asked Barry to stop being the flash because she didn't wanna lose him again 🥺

The way she was just so desperate 🥺🥺

Ok but that fight scene in ep11 with Cicada v. Killer Frost was so satisfying and the fact that KF was able to listen to Caitlin's help and that every meta could actually escape safely was ufff amazing

Also I love how when Caitlin and Cisco were trying to make a meta-human cure, KF was scared that Caitlin would take it because she didn't want to leave "Caity" alone with no one to protect her 🥺

I love how Cisco smiles when someone gets his movie references

JOE'S BACK!!! FINALLY GEE that took so long, they were just so many eps without him🥺 (he left since he got "kidnapped" ig u could say by Cicada and just returned in ep15)

Nora was getting help from Thawne (which I completely forgot about) and he called her little runner

Cicada did take the meta human cure and Grace from the future comes back to help him finish his "work"

Grace becomes worse than Dwyer (she killed him)

Barry's face when Sherloque told them about Nora's secret 🥺 he looked so sad and betrayed and i-

Bro Lia (Nora's best friend and the only person she thought she could trust) was killed by Godspeed- a meta from the future 🥺😞

WOW NORA REALLY FOUND OUT *breathes in* Nora really found out that her father was the flash THROUGH GIDEON 🤭

BRO if my dad had done that to me I would've been so upset like wtf

After everything Nora did for him, and I mean I understand she broke their trust and all of that but like imagine having your dad be so upset, disappointed and betrayed by something that you did that he locks you up or brings you somewhere where it's most likely you won't be able to see them anymore... I just feel like it was maybe too harsh or maybe I just feel bad for Nora like she already felt terrible, I know all actions have consequences but dude.🥺

I just noticed that Thawne's hair is blonde, even when he was in Wells's body

The West-Allen fight at the beginning of ep19 was so emotional 🤭 like it made me so sad and I don't know I agreed with both of them 😞

Ep19 Caitlin and her mom fighting in front of Joe and Barry is the funniest thing JAHDHHAHAHA

I felt bad for Sherloque like everyone was upset at him when he was only trying to help

Her lightning... It turned red..😳

Wow I didn't even know Caitlin's mom's name was Carla until this episode 🤭

At the end.. Thomas beat Icicle and saved both Caitlin And KF

West-Allen kiss count (approximately): 48😘

(pretty sure I lost count already) 🤸🏼‍♀️🕳

Ok but did the 4 satellites get destroyed again? cause Cisco just called them by different names they were Hal, Robbie, Data and Colossus and now he said Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda lmao

OK I seriously hated Nora when she went bad and she basically scared Cisco into doing what she wanted him to do with the vibrating hand like my poor boy is still traumatized by that

OK I'M IN EP22 AND NORA JUST DIED WHICH SUCKS

And also love Joe's face whenever Singh told him to replace him as Captain 🥺😂 AND THE FACT THAT HE CALLED BARRY FLASH RIGHT AFTER UFF

also gon miss vibe 🥺🥺

OMG THAT CLIFFHANGER WTF

[innermoonlight-bhe]

Me, again, on Destiel. Please read.

I’ve been having problems all this month. And while I was self-exploring the reasons of my uneasiness, I tracked it back to 15x18. When I first watched the episode I had lots of unresolved feelings. I felt happy and at the same time really distressed. After waiting for two week for the end of Supernatural I thought those feelings would disappear but they just kept on getting stronger. I began feeling stressed and, this last two weeks, feelings just empty. I had no desire to do anythings, like I was lost. Yesterday I realized why and got me sad and mad at the same time. I don’t want to take a lot of time writing this but there are too many emotions and rational thoughts that don’t let me sleep at night. 

This is why I want to divide this text into two parts:The first one being the queerbating debate on internet. This includes the normalization of heterosexual relationships, audiences, plots and writing, marketing and advertising, and other things that have to do with t.v. industry. In specific, the rare case of CW and its treatment of the whole Supernatural family. In the second part I would like to focus on my personal experience, which I’m sure is same to most people who were left all alone in this Destiel world of disappointment. This last one you can decide to ignore or share with me. The one that i’m most interested is that you read the first part, even though it can seem a little out of context, since I’ll be referring to another tv shows of the CW.

 FIRST PART THEN OF THE DESTIEL OPINION:When I was left so sad after the queerbaiting I began watching a famous soup opera aka telenovela, called Yo soy Betty, la fea. It’s famous worldwide and I felt it like a comfort home after all the Destiel drama. It made me happy because the story plot is only one: the heterosexual couple that falls in love. Of course I’m reducing this too much, but the point is that yesterday, after I finished watching it, I realized that even though the main couple had problems at the end the audience knew they would’ve ended together. It did happen, in the anti-last episode, same as in supernatural and the Cas confession. The two further episodes centered on the happy conclusion on the story. There are clear points to establish:

Point 1:  Supernatural was born as a serious mainly centered on two heterosexual man traveling all along a country hunting monsters while looking for a father. Meanwhile a classic telenovela centers on a love couple who fight against everythings to be together; in this case it’s establish since the beginning and no one will except anything else. 

Point 2: Meanwhile telenovela’s audiences are destined to be woman, wanting to follow the classic love story; Supernatural was being male focused actually did excepted woman but also men watchers. Supernatural had a largest specter of viewers.

Point 3: Telenovelas are not willing to change the story for the audiences desires. They work with practical and classic formulas that rarely will fail. There’s no necessity to receive a feedback to complete. Supernatural and tv series, on the other hand, actually need the feedback from the viewers because on it depends their permanency on the screen. 

Supernatural needed to keep their viewers high so the show could continue. I’m gonna leave the classic telenovela out for a moment. It’s important settling this differences to approximate myself to the basic point of my madness: how unethical is the queerbaiting.The public opinion changes, and The CW having clear this is very know to keep in touch with fans wishes and needs. In the case of Jane the Virgin, a barely combination of the telenovela classic plot but in a tv series way, had a big “change” with one of their main characters: Petra. Her connection with the main character, Jane, was noted and wanted by many of the viewers. But the show’s creator knew that main plot (point 1)was a girl who accidentally gets pregnant and eventually falls in love with the love of her life, Rafael. So the show writers wouldn’t just change this main plot in order to make a couple happen, so instead they gave the public what they wanted by making Petra bisexual and introducing a perfect girl for her, also called Jane, to deliver the wish of fans. This relationship worked purely and on its on. The reactions with Petra bisexuality were low, and they took care of it as if it was something normal and not anything that needed satanizing. No one could be expected to freak, not even Petra’s twins. Even though the first seasons Petra only had male relationships. This is a good thing that The CW did, but they didn’t do this out of the goodness of their heart: they did it for views and for the audience (point 2). Jane the virgin was also planned to have female audiences and to treat serious social issues respecting sexuality and love. This is why it didn’t came as a surprise. 

Then why did Destiel couldn’t happen? Because the CV is homophobic? Probably there’s some of this in it, but the reality it’s they weren’t giving up on the part of the audience that is actually homophobic, or that at least won’t feel comfortable watching a heterosexual character discover himself as bi. The thing of the audiences is important because the “ambiguity” in which Cas’ confession was treated worked perfectly for them: it gave exactly the sufficient enough to keep us happy, meaning while keeping the perfect amount of “friendship”. So anyone can take whatever they want for the story. By this part I understand why they wanted to deal with this confession in an ambiguous way: to please everybody. But why did they wanted to please everybody? It wasn’t out of kindness of their heart, it was for views.The whole queerbaiting debate has being on the tables for a long time but we also ignore the unethical implications on it. It has been used by many contemporary media, to hint at something that the producers are not expecting to happen any time. And even though, they keep on teasing us. This is highly unethical because the reason behind them is the accumulation of money. Supernatural survived because of Destiel. I resisted myself to say this because I had respect for the series until I stopped watching around season 10. The story and plots were doom, repetitive and boring at times. We keep watching for the emotions caused by the supernatural family. Not only Destiel but Sam and all of the characters. The original plot explained in the point 1 was lost and blurred, we were far away from that premise and that was why the finale episode feel just bad. 

The show had chances to grow without losing the origina plot but also confronting change and accept that sometimes, things must pass and you have to move. Destiel was an important support of the show, the views and year after year renovation of the series. Pointing at the queerbaiting has lost its meaning if we forgot why they do it, why they keep on doing this even though it makes us feel bad. This affects the shows work in perspective because it changes the plot and natural progression of the story. For the queerbaiting, they have scenes that are forgotten next episodes like they never happened. I’m a literature student and the first thing they say to us is that a scene, even a word, should be taken so seriously that it actually work on the long road of the story. In Destiel we have beautiful, all heart breaking scenes of Cas and Dean being romantic, closed, just in love. The Dean’s confession were he admitted to the priest he wanted to experience new things, the Castiel’s love confession, and others are an example of how this scenes have a space in the show but are still isolated from the original story. They don’t play a part in the bigger image. That’s why we don’t see Dean talk to Sam about Cas, this is why they are so many Destiel plots left unsolved. I have a small memory of an old lady assuring Dean that he’s in love, even though we haven’t seen in a long time a female in Dean’s life (Dean, who the first four seasons flirted with e v e r y woman he met.  Because producers and writers can let this scenes happen as long as it doesn’t change the main characters. Even, they are willing to let us think that Cas could be bi but Dean isn’t, by not having him say anything after Cas says I love you. And to be honest, we didn’t except much. 

We knew that we were clowning and it’s not like we excepted a love making scene from those two. We raised our expectations after 15x18 and not after. A lot of us were waiting on the finale to bring joy even though we never actually imagined it would go canon. 15x18 lifted expectations very few had and that lots, myself for instance, returned to watch after hearing Destiel was semi-canon. It brought back feelings, I got to rewatch supernatural to enter the atmosphere once again... So it was perfect for the CW. On one hand, the biggest queerbaiting on history gave them back for 15x19 and 15x20 all the fandom they had lost for the previous queerbaiting and tiredness of waiting. And also, they keep the antis and the homophobe watching. It was perfectly staged and nothing else was expecting. Something similar happen with Jane the virgin. With the death of Michael (I rather shipped more Jane with Michael) a lot of fans stopped watching. This was planned since the beginning and they actually gave us a fake death and then the real one. I actually stopped watching one season of Jane the virgin after his death because I was devastated, even though since the beginning everything pointed at Jane ending up with Rafael. Her connection with Michael was lovely and pure love. But after killing him off they wrote the relationship of Jafael so perfectly, not rushed or anything: it developed in a way that her relationship with Michael was intact but finished by death. It was a hard punch but at the end we ended up to accept her relationship with Rafael because of the clear progression between the characters. But, at the end of the series, at the last season they decided it was good idea to bring Michael back from the death and have her chose Rafael, after all of the progress It took for her to forget Michael. The changed her and all of the perspective of love changed for the show. It made thing that soul mates don’t exist, that all the love Jane felt for Michael disappear after having a whole season of her suffering for her lost, after she wrote her first book for him. It would’ve been so much better for the story if Michael stayed death. 

So the things is it’s not only queerbaiting on homosexual couples, but the whole idea that they need to have a huge audiences watching their last seasons. I returned to watch Jane the virgin excepting for Michael. This awful thing they do. Just for views and gain of capital bothers me and its what makes me angry. In the case of Supernatural it’s also a topic of homophobia and the fear that the homophobia of a few will ruin the views of series finales. An as I considere the unethical implications is why I would love to have them apologize to us. It’s like a person promising the stars and stopping you to move on, while they know nothing will happen. They use us as numbers to gain money and attention. The decision that I and a lot of people took to unfollow all of The CW accounts is no radical. It’s a little if we take into account all of the money they made from the unethical queerbaiting. It causes me a lot of anger and actually feel like a I need an apology because I felt used and dirty. This is the fault of the industry and the CW has a fame of doing so.

 PART 2: 

This will be little in comparison. Now I want to get to the sad sentimental part. I felt all empty because four years ago that I stopped watching I also stopped talking to the love of my life. Hearing about Destiel had me going back to moments. I even desired to talk to him again to tell him that I wasn’t all wrong. Destiel wasn’t platonic or an illusion. it has clearly staged to makes us think it could happen. It’s not the story of an angel who falls for a human, that gives everything up for him, that loves him. After his confession is the story of unrequited love. Dean never says it back and it’s a feeling that a lot of people have suffered. To love someone and not having them saying them back, of the relationship that never ends but at the end it’s one of the most important. This one I talked about I never dated, I never kissed, but he’s the man i’ve loved the most in my life. Having Castiel saying I love you and never receiving anything back, giving his life and no one saving him, it’s just heartbreaking for all of us who have constantly giving everything without expecting anything in return. At the same time it’s the story of a a couple that never happens but that should have. The same reflexion as always: if it were heterosexual it would’ve happen long time ago. But it also happens in real life, that if time alined, if things were in other way relationships would’ve happen with people in our lives.I had a lot of more feelings for Destiel, but that would be for another time. Right now I just realized why made me, personally, feed angry and sad. I realized I was a Cas to someone else. I realized I was used by a network. The queerbaiting actually has psychology repercussion on us, and it’s something they fail to understand. Accepting that I was affected by a tv show took me a hard time. I didn’t know how to explain to others why this had me absence for week, I thought I was ridiculous and week. I felt bad but know I realized I’m not wrong. It’s not my fault but it’s years of messing with out feelings on purpose. Some day i’ll write an essay on this. I have to much to say but I end it with this:

The media manipulates our emotions and doesn’t take any responsibility whatsoever. 

Don’t trust the media.

(Sorry for the bad english, I’m mexican. But at least Destiel is canon in my language). 

[himbo-buckley]

Sex, Intimacy and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 4

Ciao, ragazzi,

i bims, die Kriz and I will be your tourguide today. (Yes, we’re on first name basis now, congratulations, kid, ya’ll earned it!)

Okay, so I rewrote this intro like 5 times by now. 3B has been so hard on me in a way that the rest hasn’t been. While I was writing 3A I had so many thoughts and ideas and conclusions from the get go, my main worry was to fit it all in and to make it coherent. And it took me a while to get there with 3B - but don’t worry, my friends, I did not disappoint and it is just as long as part 3, despite Tim Minear   personally coming to my home and vibe checking me for saying he had daddy issues. Which is fair, tbh. Sorry bro, I’ll stop calling you out like that. (No, I won’t.)

Also if you need a „quick“ refresher of what happened so far or you just forgot, here are:

part one - part two - part three

And also, the usual spiel:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta will so far have FIVE parts now. The original plan was to do three, one for each Season, and have it organised by episode so you could technically follow along (which is still true), but due to personal reasons, also known as *feelings*, Season 3 had exploded disproportionately and for readability reasons I have split it in three parts - there is part 3 which ends with the Christmas Episode, part 4 which spans what aired of 3B so far and the final part 5 which will include the final and my conclusion, if by then I am able to form thoughts again / still

Alright you guys, drumrolls please: part 4 (also called „*butterfly meme* Is this growth?“)

Episode 3.11:

I wanna be honest with ya’ll, Season 3B is sort of a mixed bag for me, because while yes, all the episodes have been great viewed separately, they just feel so … separate from each other, and with 3A having so many episode-spanning arks, it’s a bit of a letdown to return to the standalone episode format. Especially because it makes the whole two steps forward one step back thing so much more apparent as it feels like what happens in one episode has no consequence for the next. It felt a little like they burned through too much in 3A already and didn’t know where to go from there. Which is also true for me, so maybe I should stop judging.

Anyways, I’ll stop bringing the house down now.

Let’s continue with: Don’t you just love stan-ing two adorable, complicated badass firefighters? Yeah, me too.

Also, I wanna see the Doc again. Tim, can we? He could be friends with Frank? We could see them have tea and talk about those dumbasses at the firehouse? (And also legs, since, you know, Frank only has one?)

And also the bank guy, Harrison was fun. (This whole episode was.)

And I know it has nothing to do with Eddie or Buck or Intimacy or Sex (okay a little with those) but I do wanna point you to that damn meatball scene, because it’s so chaotic? First, why are all the ingredients laid out on the table but Maddie is making balls already only to then cover them in water? Look, I’m basically vegan (haha, how long do you think I’ve waited to shoehorn this in here) and haven’t cooked meat since I was … fourteen, probably? And even to me that just seemed wrong! Not to mention AFTER touching raw meat, Maddie only cleans her hands with a towel before opening the door? You used to be a nurse, Madeleine / Maddison! (Do we know her full name? I feel like we don’t.)

One thing I really love about 3B (so far) is how happy and settled my main man Edmundo Diaz is. It’s in the eyes, you guys! I don’t know if it’s a Ryan thing or a deliberate acting choice but whatever it is it translates well (haha, well, yeah, we’ll talk about that one later) into his character and it really makes you feel like Eddie is so much better. Like for all the analysis of Eddie I’ve been doing, I didn’t notice how much colder he grew since the beginning of Season 2 until this episode came and suckerpunched me with the warmth in his eyes. Good god, proceed with caution! Oliver could call me right now and say „Look, Buddie isn’t real, I just keep getting lost in Ryan’s eyes.“ and I wouldn’t even be mad, I’d just be like „How’d you get this number?“. (It was Tim, wasn’t it? Damn it, we talked about this, mate! I wanna meet his cat, not him!)

The episode doesn’t hold a lot of relevance in terms of this meta (aside from some parallels I’ll talk about in a moment) but I still want to discuss it a little bit because it means a lot to me. I just love Howard „Chimney“ Han with all my heart.

I wanna say something controversial now because we’re 500 words in and I feel like I haven’t made you regret reading my rambling yet, so here is controversial thought of the day #1: All these fucking characters are grey as fuck except Howie. Howie is good to the bone. He is the goodest boy. He is so gentle and sweet and non malicious and yes, I am including Evan in my list of grey characters because he pulled some SHIT! Okay, a little bit of shit. Things have been *implied*! (I don’t even know anymore. Maybe he’s just off-white or something.)

And what’s the worst my best friend Howard „Chimney“ Han has done on this show? Lied to his girlfriend a buncha times so she likes him better? I lie all the time. I just lied to my mother 5 minutes ago (Yes, Mom, I’m working on my thesis.)! And Howie just lied to make someone like him better. That’s not bad, that’s horrible self esteem!

Which brings me to another thing I wanna say because thank you, Jennifer Love Hewitt. If anyone from the cast gets to call me, it’s you, because you clearly had your thinking pants on when you took one look at Chimney and said: I want that one! You a real one and I will name check you on my way to heaven - not, that they’ll let me in, but the thought counts?

Now, lets talk about those parallels I mentioned before:

The Hans vs. the Buckleys.

Now, we still don’t know a lot about Mr. and Mrs. Buckley and what exactly made them bad parents (though I’m firmly team a little neglectful but not abusive) but we know a lot about Mr. Han.

One thing of the bat I wanna mention is that this episode confirms that Maddie at least had a hand in raising Buck - which doesn’t actually have to mean too much, because based on JLHs age, her relationship with Dough and the way their sibling relationship is played it’s safe to assume that Maddie is supposed to be between 5-10 years older than Buck (assuming she started nursing school after High School at around 18 / 19, which I think takes 4 years in the US? And she was an ER nurse for 8 years, making her AT LEAST 30 in Season 2, but considering how she emphasised that Buck noticed something was wrong with Dough even as a teenager and she met Dough at 19, I’m gonna assume Buck was younger then 16 because Dough won’t have shown his abusive tendencies right of the bat, so probably about 12 / 13, making Maddie like 6 years older than him? And since we DO have a definite age for Evan, Maddie is probably around 33 in Season 2 (which also works because they wanted to put her and Eddie in a relationship and Ryan Guzman is in his early 30 as well). And look, as the youngest child of two people I would call more than adequate parents I can tell you: older siblings always have a hand in raising you, especially when the age difference exceeds 4 years. One of my sisters is 5 years older than me and I was more scared of telling her about having a bad grade than I was of my parents, so…

Anyways, back to what is actually happening in the episode and how it both parallels and contrasts the Buckleys and Hans.

Like Maddie and Howie are the older siblings and Buck and Albert are the younger siblings, yet Buck and Howie are paralleled as are Maddie and Albert. Also, Howie resents his brother for the relationship he assumes Albert has with their father, but Maddie recognises that Buck probably had similar experiences growing up as she did. Of course one could argue that Howie and Albert never had a relationship before while Buck and Maddie grew up together, but look, Maddie was in an abusive relationship for quite a while and hadn’t been in contact with her brother for 3 years prior to Season 2 but it’s safe to assume they didn’t have too close of a relationship before that either, or the Buck we know would have gone to Maddie to investigate and find out why she dipped. So…

(Despite all of this, Maddie knew she could come to her brother for help in Season 2 meaning one, our boy is such a good boy always and the Buckleys can’t be all bad if Maddie knows she can count on her brother, meaning she didn’t think her parents screwed him up too much in the time since she moved out and gradually left his life. Just another thought.)

I also love how her firm believe in the strength and meaning of familial relationships triggers a shift in Howie. Please keep this in mind for when we discuss 3.16 in a few minutes, friends.

Also that kitchen scene has all my heart. They really said kitchens are a Buddie thing now, didn’t they? (Also from a non shipper perspective, Maddie and Buck are just the sweetest and for a TV show actually fairly realistic siblings. At least if I compare them to my siblings and I.)

Also in terms of the actually topic of my meta’s: this is our first indicator that Eddie considers the 118 his family. And we have another moment of Chimney seeking reassurance / being open with Eddie. I love that they have a friendship like that. (He was so excited about meeting Chimneys brother as well. A little bit puppy and like another reason why Evan and him are friends. (As if we need more)) Also love that Eddie is secure enough to voice these feelings!

(Eddie really does seem so healed in this episode? So open? And happy? Damn, Frank, you know your shit! My man had some growth.)

Now, for some sidenotes to round off this episode, because I have some and I wanna share them:

On the Buckley parents, I think the episode wants to imply that they had plans for Buck? Maybe career wise? Because in the pool scene he says something along the lines of: „Sometimes you have to put / get a little distance“ and since it’s been implied that Buck is also from Pennsylvania or somewhere close by, we can assume that he was talking about himself here. Like he moved all the way across the continent.

I’m also just gonna throw out a prediction for Season 4: since Nia is only a foster child and like 2 years old, it’s safe to assume that she has been only recently taken in. While I do not know the US-Foster system, I do have some knowledge about the German system, so I’ll just predict that either one or both of the birth parents try to get their child back.

Or they just sort of forget about all of this by Season 4.

And I really really really dislike the cancer storyline and how the show is handling it, at least in this episode, specifically in regards to May, who in my opinion, has been both written and treated by the show as someone younger than 18 here, only for the show to then turn around and go all: wow, such an adult, look how wise she is. So awesome. Like nah, son! 3A has shown that she is much maturer than she was treated in this episode.

And Eddie finally got to say „seen this before“ again. I feel like he says that a lot. Should I start a counter for that too or do ya’ll just wanna think about him naked for a bit? (I know, you guys, I know! Should I befriend someone who can make me a bunch of gifs of shirtless Eddie I can pepper in every time we get to heavy around here?)

Episode 3.12:

Ah, yes, „Fools“! The one episode I have to say I can not look at without wearing my shipper goggles. So be warned.

Which is why I’m gonna start with the elephant in the room: Ana Flores.

Now, I’ve seen (and maybe liked / reblogged / queued / drafted (Idk anymore, I’m up to 600 posts in my drafts, 300 in my queue and like 300 liked / reblogged already)) an interview with Ryan Guzman where he talks about Ana and how he isn’t sure yet wether they are heading for romance and how it needs someone incredibly badass to get through Eddie’s defences, because Eddie is barely over his wife’s death and yeah, that!
Look, if you’re here, I’m gonna assume you have read the other three parts of this „meta“ and therefore know that I am a proud member of the Shannon Diaz - defense squad and will fight anyone who says a bad word about her. And you will also know that I attribute most of the stupid things Eddie did in 3A to the fact that Shannon died. So there. All caught up.

Now, as for Ana Flores herself (and I’m writing this after 3.16, so who knows what happens next): She might be in Season 4 (I think the interview said something about it or she tweeted something) but I don’t think it has been confirmed yet? So considering what Ryan said they probably won’t end up in a relationship by the end of Season 3 (again, please remember when I am writing this).

I’m not gonna comment on the actress aside from saying, damn, I wish that were me! Other than that? I don’t really care about actors unless I think they are hot and then it’s more of a: uiiii, me like-y. (Madeleine Patch, call me!)

As for the actual scenes, well, I have mixed feelings.

On the one hand side, as I’ve said before, I work with children and the idea of dating the father of one of my babies is just plain wrong to me. So there is that. Morally speaking that storyline would be trash. (And very OOC for Mr. „My son needs to be protected above all“)

Then of course there is what’s actually happening between them which, one, from the get go she seems to not reciprocate Eddie’s advances (he keeps telling her to call him Eddie, she keeps calling him Mr. Diaz). Also that whole speech about horses? Yeah, I know you’re an english teacher but ähm, what? (Put it on the list, Tim, I need answers!)

To sum it up (and explain why I brought up Shannon aside from how much I like her), I don’t think it’s headed for a romance quite yet? They may be playing the slowburn game, but I think it was more like Ali in Season 2. Because as @greyhello pointed out to me in Part 2, Ali might have been there to show us that Buck was ready for a commited relationship and it had never been Abby that made him like that, just as Ana is here to tell us: hey, Eddie is finally accepting his wife’s death and maybe, possibly, some time in the near future, ready to date again. Probably. We’ll see.

Aside from that, I actually think a little crush could be something healthy and healing for Mr. control issues. But, again, we’ll see.

So, elephant addressed. Now let’s move on.

Sidenote: I feel like the parent-teacher conference made Eddie really regret so many of his life decisions. Someone needs to tell Buck so he can make a million puns from here on out and drive Eddie crazy.

(Sidenote: Carla said „big blue eyes“! You know who has big blue eyes? Ah, now I’m just clowning.)

Now this episode returns to the Season 2 formula of giving Eddie and Buck similar storylines:

Because while Eddie meets someone he could potentially be interested it, Buck is also made aware of his single status and the fact that he hasn’t dated in a while.

I do think Buck’s stance in this episode was both curious and familiar. Familiar because it reminded me a lot of Eddie in 2.04 and I think, just like Eddie did before Shannon came back, right then Buck is closing himself off from making connections, be they physical or emotional, because he got hurt too much.

Which is why I call it curious. Because I can not decide wether I consider his behaviour growth or a step back. In Eddie it would definitely be a step back, but in Buck who had been so willing to take any chance for physical intimacy just for the sake of a connection in Season 1 to now at least seem somewhat settled in himself and comfortable with what he has does feel a little like growth? (Then again 3.16 shows us he is just scared of getting hurt again, so probably just covering up is depression.)

Also, again with the kitchen! That puts us at five (?) scenes of Buddie talking about each other or with each other in a kitchen setting (six, if you count 3.03). Now I’m probably clowning myself real hard right now, but whatever!

But I do wanna point out how comfortable Eddie and Buck are discussing Eddie’s parenting struggles, which just shows how much he trusts him.

Now I know, I myself have made a textpost about Eddie discussing his parenting struggles with literally anyone, but ya’ll know I was kidding, right? It isn’t actually true. In canon he talks with exactly 5 people about Christopher:

They are Christopher’s therapist in „Triggers“, Carla, Hen, Lena … and Buck.

Now, here comes something interesting: For Carla and therapist, it is literally their job to help Eddie with his parenting struggles, but all the other scenes? Connected to Buck. Yeah. That.

Look, the Hen scene in the Christmas episode literally involves Buck and as I’ve said both Eddie’s and Buck’s reaction here heavily implied that Eddie has had a conversation with Buck about his fight with Chris before telling Hen all about it.

As for Lena, again, she is *literally* there as a substitute for Buck. She uses his locker. Her name is taped over his - and that is actually such a nice visual, that I wanna talk about it real quick, because I’ve seen it called disrespectful a few times and I don’t agree.

One, the fact that they left the „B“: funny af, someone from set dressing is probably laughing themselves silly about this and is allowed to call me now; also a constant reminder who’s locker and place she is actually occupying. Also how she can never really fully replace him, she can’t cover the hole he left fully, he is always there, lurking.

Two, the fact that it is tape: tape is slightly see through. It is temporary and easily removed. Tape is just a quick, momentary fix. Tape can be taken off / away without effort.

So to sum it up: There’s no one he trusts more with his son.

Which is also why Buck is there at the end: because Buck is who Eddie trusts. Buck is who Eddie goes to when he’s struggling as a father. Buck is who Eddie wants by his side cheering Chris on. I mean, they are literally pushing him together while Carla films (stands on the sidelines, ready to help as needed, but not fully a part of their family unit).

So, to go back to the elephant in the room? Right now I’m not at all worried about Ana Flores.

On another note it’s also one of the last real Buddie scenes we got in 3B so far and while I do understand that there just wasn’t any storyline for them to do such a scene organically, I am very worried about what it could mean. Because I still remember when Teen Wolf stopped putting Tyler H and Dylan in scenes together because people kept screaming queerbaiting.

I don’t want that to happen here. I love Buddie and what it could represent but I’ve also written too much about their respective characters AND their connection by now to disregard how meaningful they ALREADY are and how important even as a platonic pairing they are. Because they make each other so much better and proof that straight man can have deep connection with each other and how two flawed people can help each other heal in a way that I don’t think any other relationship in this show shows.

Back to the episode, though. The ark between Christopher and Eddie here is truly beautiful and I love the way we see Eddie growing as a parent. And I think the show wrote those scenes so well and they felt truly natural and were incredibly important, both for Eddie and Christopher.

I do think, as much as I love Christopher always being Eddie’s number one priority, no matter who Eddie ends up dating (yes, even if he dates Buck) we need to see a bit of a shift here. (Also, just in general, because Christopher will grow up, even if he’ll never be as independent as a fully abled bodied child might someday be.)

Eddie needs to learn to let go of control and of Christopher a bit. Look, a partner will never come before Christopher for Eddie (unless Chris is like in his 40s and has moved out and is living his own life. And even then it’ll be close.) but in order for anyone to ever fit into his life he needs to make a little space at the top and that includes taking away a bit from Christopher.

(Also just selfcare reasons, you guys, parents need to learn that it’s okay to sometimes think about themselves! And we already saw Eddie break once cause it became too much, how easy do you think that can happen again?)

Sidenote: We all know Buck built that, right? He’s been shown again and again to have some mechanical / maschinary (?) understanding plus fairly interesting problem solving skills.

Episode 3.13:

I love the locker room scene. Firstly, it’s a definite reminder that these three have bonded a lot and it’s such a sweet familial scene.

Also Eddie’s advice: yet another hint that he’s healing from Shannon’s death.

Compare it 3.08 and the conversation Bobby had with Eddie. There are no definite callbacks or anything like it, but it is very very very obvious that Eddie is talking about his dead wife here. Who he told he loves her in her last moments. So there.

Now, as for the healing part, could you imagine 3A!Eddie saying something like that to anyone?

Even in 3.03 or 3.06 with Buck, the person he lets himself be the most vulnerable with, there are still always terms and conditions with his words.

He trust no one more with his son, which, okay, is what the scene was about and what has the highest priority in his life but still, his trust isn’t bound to himself, it’s bound to his son, not to himself, not something he has in general for Buck, but something he has for Buck in regards to his son - that Eddie trusts Buck with himself is only ever implied.

He forgives him - „also what it means to be a part of a team“. Eddie sort of impersonalises his forgiveness here, he doesn’t forgive him because he’s Buck and he’s Eddie, he forgives him because they are part of the same team.

With Eddie there is always a wall.

But here in the locker room there isn’t. It’s just: if you love her, tell her, cause you might not get another chance - Eddie certainly doesn’t have another chance to tell Shannon.

And okay, you might say, isn’t that kind of a condition as well? Saying ‚I love you‘ because tomorrow isn’t promised? And sure, it kind of is. But Eddie’s also basically saying: once upon a time I told my wife, who art now in heaven, that I loved her as she was dying and then I got real mad at her and the world after because she left me and she was planning to leave me anyways and now I’m here and I’m over that and I’m just glad I got to tell her ‚I love her‘ one last time. I’m no longer angry.

Growth, you guys.

Episode 3.14:

I feel like the writers read some of ya’ll’s Buddie fanfiction, realised how it mischaracterised the relationship between Buck and Chimney gets and said: not on my watch!

In other words: If Eddie and Buck are different sides of the same coin, Buck and Chimney are the same sides of different coins. They share so many traits and experiences!

Now, this episode. Man, you guys, it really has me stumped. Part of me thinks it doesn’t have relevance and part of me keeps going back because it thinks it does?

Oh man, you guys, I’m lost. I don’t know.

All right, executive decision: no relevance, just another drop on the breakdown-stone that is 3.16.

Someone please tell my man’s boy they need him!

Episode 3.15:

Fun fact to start ya’ll off: this was only the second episode I watched somewhat live being a little new to town and the first I saw without spoiling myself on tumblr. So it has a special place in my heart any way you look at it.

(But then again this episode also involves several of my nightmares: drowning! being below earth! Being in small enclosed spaces! Being buried alive! Huge amounts of mud that will not leave your clothes and fingernails for the next six hundred years!)

Also, uhm, did I say „Fools“ was the *one* episode I could not look at without shipper goggles? So I’m contradicting myself. It happens. Move on. (Yeah, or repress it and join a fight club! Also name check me with your therapist, please! We may have breakdowns but we do them healthy around here!)

Because these fuckers went off! Whew! I’m serious, after watching the episode I sent a clip of that scene to my roommate and asked to rate how platonic this was. Which she did not. Because she doesn’t know math, apparently. - My point is, she sees it and she doesn’t know the show.

In other news this episode convinced me Oliver is pulling an Andrew Robinson (and yes, I know he said it was in the script but then Andy also followed the script, so…).

Sidenote: Eddie is the oldest, right? Damn, for some reason I thought he was the middle child. He has big middle child energy.

(Also why they namedrop Galveston like that? I googled it an it’s just a town? Why, Tim, why?) (At this point he is just torturing me, I know it. This feels personal.)

Anyways, this episode, you guys! I have thoughts! (And they are very hard to put in order so please excuse any jumping around at this point.)

The birthscene is great and can we just for a moment think about 25 year old Eddie hugging his mother in law so very lovingly? He’s so happy here. So soft. (Also I’m about to turn 25? I would not be able to deal with being married right now either?)

And yes, this episode confirms that Eddie has killed people, and while I know it was selfdefense, I just, it’s very weird to me because these characters have become so real to me, so to see one of them kill without a care is kinda off-putting. (This is why I will always consider Eddie grey and why I can never consider Buck white - because he had been planning on joining the Seals meaning he had to consider the possibility of killing and has probably learned to kill (Do you think that’s why he’s so non aggressive? because he knows he could take everyone down?))

I’m just gonna come out and say it: anyone who says Eddie isn’t impulsive has not watched this show. In fact I’d even say he is more impulsive than Buck.

Yes, Buck will do weird and dumb shit on a whim because the thought just crossed his mind and it sounds good and he doesn’t think about the consequences, but just does it. (I could make a case that our boy has ADHD but this is not what this meta is about)

But Eddie? Eddie is impulsive in his reactions. Everytime he is in distress (emotional not physical) he stops thinking about consequences and just starts reacting. Especially if it’s about a child!

Shannon is pregnant - lets sign up for the army.

Our child has a developmental disorder - lets stay in the army.

My parents want to take away my child - lets move halfway across the country.

(Not allowed to talk to your best friend? - lets go streetfighting.)

Eddie probably thinks these things through to a point and he mostly has a plan, but he is so reactionary. He is like a raw nerve and that’s what makes him impulsive.

It’s why, instead of letting them pull him out enough until he can radio, Eddie cuts the fucking line. Because this is a child, this could be Christopher and Eddie needs to be enough to save him.

(Are you crying yet?)

I’m not gonna talk about Afghanistan except to say: ah, Eddie. My man, you are enough! Always!

(But maybe that was his guilt over killing talking? Maybe he does feel bad?)

Also why did the woman emphasis ‚Staff Sergeant‘ like that? Was that an indicator that Eddie got promoted?

Also Eddie the fucking boy scout / alter boy / goody goody two shoes trying to get up because of a superior office despite lying in a hospital bed (and not even having been cleaned from his blood yet, urgh that’s gotta itch!)

Sidenote: in light of 3.16: do you think Eddie still talks to Mills, Binder, Norwahl and what all their names are or do you think that would be too hard for him? I’m leaning toward not talking but I really liked Mills (she reminded me of Buck and Lena, tbh.)

And now, for our regular scheduled program: Shannon and Eddie.

First of all I loved all of it. I loved that we could really understand why Shannon left. I love how much they clashed but still had those little moments of recognition.

And look: The juice box scene was very rough. Eddie is likely currently suffering from PTSD, definitely having a culture shock and here is his wife who is barely holding on as well and she just wants to leave, she can’t deal anymore and both of them are so desperate and wow, just wow. Kudos Ryan and kudos Devin Kelley, I’m sad we won’t see you again, but I do hope I’ll see you somewhere else one of these days!

I’ve talked about their relationship a lot already, so I’m not sure if I have any fresh takes but I will remind you of a few you already know:

Eddie is not in love with Shannon after Afghanistan (haven’t decided yet if he was in love with her in the birth scene)

Shannon *needed* Eddie to open up to her just as much as she needed to be open with her

Eddie was not able to be emotionally intimate with his wife

they cared about each other very very much and I do think they tried

they are family (remember what I said in part 2 about Eddie talking to the 118 about Shannon? This here proof that he definitely defended her actions at some point to them as well)

Shannon was in an impossible situation with her mother and a special needs child and likely burned out and just … she needed someone to have her back, which Eddie couldn’t because he himself was suffering from PTSD at that point

I’m still mad as fuck, they killed her off! If they give Eddie any other endgame romance that isn’t Buddie without like two seasons buildup after killing off HIS WIFE I will riot!

Which brings me to Eddie and his parents which was rough, you guys!

Look, as someone who worked with children I can see where his parents are coming from in that scene but also wow, just wow.

How cold and insensitive and fuck, no wonder someone is repressed as shit, that was horrifying and I really can’t talk about this more than to say this hurts and also explains too much about Eddie. (Can we have the locker room three bonding about having horrible parents in Season 4, please, Tim? And can Buck come too? We could do it at the loft?)

As for his conversation with Christopher, obviously it was cute as fuck and also I love how he began the conversation talking to his child like every adult male I have ever met talking to a kid about something he knows will go over it’s head („It’s like we’re talking about completely different people.“). (Okay, maybe not just adult males. Maybe we all talk like that around children sometimes. I know I do.)

I really liked how they reinforced once again that Eddie wasn’t a natural at being a dad (compare how he holds his son to season 1 Buck who most definitely knows how to handle a child (And now I’m wondering if him being good at it was always planned or a „Oliver did a great job the first time we had him interact with a child so we decided to make it a trait“-thing. Damn you, Tim, for making me think so much!)) but became good at it because he was willing to learn and he cared! Dads of the world (also Moms, we aren’t all super duper either) take note!

That being said the conversation also left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth because, one, it felt a little petulant of Eddie to turn around and leave for LA, the way it was presented here and two, Christopher at that point didn’t understand yet what Eddie was actually asking him about and it felt a bit like manipulation. Please everyone, do not consider a conversation like that consent from a child. Any adult can get a child that age to say anything they want because children just want to be liked (It’s why when children are involved in criminal proceedings it’s so hard to interview them because children follow every suggestion because they think this is what the adults want them to say.).

Now, let’s talk about puppy!boy for a second!

In 1.05 Buck tells Abby: „no one is good when it’s personal“ - well guess what buddy boys, this one is very personal for one Evan ‚Buck’ Buckley, thank you very much, that boy is losing it.

Okay, let’s compare it to the episode before and then two episodes later:

Now, obviously the situation with Maddie was a little different. Mainly because this was a hostage situation and he realised (because Seal training, remember?) that there wasn’t a lot he could do to help her right then but then again … neither was there in Season 2 when Maddie was in danger and he still acted far more frantic in the car with Athena than he did here? Like the only stupid thing he did was drive a little dangerously this time?

And of course, two episodes later we see Bobby react when Athena is in danger and while we don’t see him be frantic we do see him get ready to kill someone, so, yeah!
 It could of course be inconsistent writing or deliberate to keep the attention and worry more on the people in the call centre but since they haven’t pulled anything like that before I’m leaning more into my clowning.

I mean, we also have to consider that Buck was Eddie’s lifeline here, he was supposed to be the one to get him out, so he feels extra responsible but then again we have Hen make this comment about having two cut lines, which of course says that Hen thinks that one: whatever reason Eddie had to cut his line will definitely be considered a just as valid reason by Buck to cut his line but also: BUCK WOULD DECIDE TO DIE DOWN THERE WITH EDDIE. Sorry for the yelling, but no, I do not think Buck acted out of character in 3.14.

(Which is very irresponsible, you guys. You are fathers! What happens to Christopher when ya’ll die in a well somewhere in fictional California? I can not live in fictional California! I will not be taking care of your child, Buddie! Figure it out yourself! No. We are done here! This conversation is over!)

(Okay, not quite, because I actually don’t think that would be realistic! More realistic: Buck giving Eddie his harness so he can get pulled out first and then dying down there alone.)

Like I’ve said in the at the beginning: Oliver might be pulling an Andrew Robinson. It might have just been the way they thought Buck would act if he lost Eddie while being responsible. It might have been fever making him delirious (which, btw, kudos! Because you can hear how sore his throat was and omg, that shirt hurt!)

Never mind I found the heavy focus on Buck in an episode about Eddie fairly curious - which is why now it’s video-talk time!

First: I will not bear Shannon slander around here! Yes, she was in way less scenes than Buck, but the actress also was never a main character, so ya’ll need to remember there are like 2 scenes of them as a family. And they probably didn’t have the time, money and energy to film some just for a montage - especially considering that the three of them have hardly been a family together, because first Eddie was gone and then Shannon, so…

But yes, we do have to admit that Buck was in most scenes, and yes, we do have to consider the implications of this which are: Buck is definitely a vital member of the Diaz family and when Eddie says: I’m always gonna come home to my family, this now includes Buck and I hope we see him tell him that at one point in the final cause I need him to!

And then of course there is also the radio scene in the beginning (which lead to one of my proudest tumblr-moments to date in form of this post!) which did ease us into the concept of Bucky-boy being a member of the Diaz family! So it is canon now?!

One thing I wanna point out about the school scene in the end in regards to this is that little boy’s question. Sure they used it as transition to calling Christopher his good luck charm but, uhm, why did they have Buck ask about it in the beginning then? Why have this sort of unnecessary callback to the beginning of the episode unless they want us to remember Buck?

Something to ponder for the next week, I think.

Also the episode sort of reinforced my believe that we don’t really have to worry about Ana Flores. Sure, this scene was also a chance for Eddie to redeem himself in front of a teacher he screamed at just a few weeks prior but the only interaction they had was her asking that question at the end and Eddie hardly looked at her.

(Also, if they really wanted to reinforce Eddie being interested in her, they could have had Carla make a dig about it in the beginning, even with Christopher there, but they didn’t, which to me confirms that they don’t really know what to do with her yet.)

At least Ryan was finally taking his shirt off again, I know that’s like catnip for ya’ll.

Episode 3.16:

One thing that really confuses me is how many people seem to think this episode points out only how important romantic relationship are and I don’t see that?

I mean, I see that it’s one of the points that is being made but I don’t think it’s the only possible reading of this episode.

To me it was about connection and family more than anything.

It begins actually with Eddie (the person most connected to Buck) being the first person to decline Buck’s invite, not in favour of spending time with a romantic partner, but because he has a prior commitment with his son! (And several other people, including, but not limited to, at least 2 other nine year olds. For Eddies sake I hope less than 5 or that Carla is around because he is a single father and children unionise by nature.)

And it continues with Buck by forming a connection to Red and then bonding with Maddie.

And can I just say, before we delve more into all of this, how proud I am of Evan „Buck“ Buckley after this episode? Just look at him!

This is Buck at his lowest, lower even than during the lawsuit, because back then he had something to fight against, which he doesn’t have here. Because he can’t stop other people from leaving him (that is the whole point of the episode after all) and what does he do? Instead of going full on Buck 1.0 and just finding the nearest interested person to form a meaningless physical connection with to substitute for the lacking emotional intimacy he craves so much, he goes to a bar alone and befriends an old man. And spends the rest of the episode bonding with him. And bonding with his sister. And addressing his issues, both with his sister and his family. That is huge!

(Which is why I’ve decided him not wanting to date? Symptom of his deeper issues, yes, but also a sign of growth.)

And I’ve seen some people on my dash talk about how, compared to most other 911 episodes, this episode has a fairly bleak ending, which one I agree with, two think is actually a theme with Buck centric episodes, but three don’t actually mind / think is a bad thing? It’s fairly realistic after all.

To get personal one second: I remember being a very idealistic 20-year old intern working in the foster system five years ago and my mentor, who was less than 10 years older than me but fairly badass teaching me something that technically is a well known proverb but that I, a idealistic 20-year old, had not actually understood until I worked there and saw it myself: manchmal muss man den Karren an die Wand fahren  - translation: sometimes you have to let the trolley drive into the wall, which means sometimes you have to let things play out till it’s natural end before you can help. Or to use an english proverb: Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom.

And this is what I’m thinking - no, hoping - is happening here. Because, look, you don’t just solve like 20 or more years of abandonment issues in one episode and considering what a big part of Buck’s character from the moment we met him they have been, that would have been unsatisfying to watch anyways!
What we need right now, in terms of Buck’s storyline is catharsis. A cleansing. Buck needs to get to his worst (which I think he did or he will, once he talks to Abby) before he can begin to get better, can begin to heal, can begin to learn that he is not alone. And that is not a bad thing!

And yes, I know our boy is suffering and we along with him because we all love Evan Buckley to death but sometimes you gotta let things break so you can fix them instead of just putting tapes over the holes you see (haha, see what I did there?).

As for the episode, here we go:

I wanna start with something else real quick which is Hen’s subplot which I found important. Because they addressed that hey, she went through a trauma not to long ago as well and maybe she is not as okay with it as we thought?

Also it shows Bobby’s double standard again, but then I think he would have reacted differently if the guy had died and it was evident Hen realised she should never pull a stunt like that again. And maybe I’m giving Bobby a bit to much credit right now. Urgh.

I do wanna say, while Chimney seemed fine at the end with what went down we did see his reaction in the next episode and honestly he is mad, it’s just that Hen is his best friend and Chimney lives on the principle of forgive and forget so there.

Now I do really like the rope rescue scene because it was badass and also because Eddie seems so done in the beginning and Bobby just looks at him like: well, he’s not doing it alone and he’s probably not gonna cut his rope!

(Also notice how Eddie cut his rope willingly but Buck’s was cut for him? What does that mean? - For reals, I may see the connection but I can’t yet make out the meaning.)

But I did appreciate Hen’s comments about them being their best guys a lot! I kind of want an episode like they used to do on Star Trek were they focus on background characters and give us the way everyone probably sees Buddie as some kind of superhuman supermen who pull the craziest stunts and somehow make it!
And now, let’s get into Evan!

First of, I now Cindy was meant as a parallel to Abby but I also think to Ali because Abby didn’t leave because she couldn’t handle the fear but Ali did. So there, a sort of Ali Martin mention! Thanks for listening, Tim.

But of course with everything else Cindy is quite the parallel to Abby from the way she just left and Red never really got closure, just like Buck.

What is interesting though is that Red, different to Buck, doesn’t want closure. He wants to remember the good times and imagine what could have been. (This could of course be due to the fact that his life is about to end.)

Buck on the other hand side really craves closure, and look, I know when we first learned she is definitely coming back I was really unhappy about that, but since then we learned they run into each other which makes it fine to me. Because I thought we’d have another instance of Buck running after Abby for validation and I did not want that. But he’s not actually running after her, it’s just a coincidence so I’m happy for him getting a chance to have closure, finally.

And this is were I think the episode proofs that it’s not about romantic love as the only way to be fulfilled, first because after talking about Abby Buck asks „Do you think I’m lonely?“ which is not about romance at all (had they wanted to make it about love it would have been: „Do you think I’ll find love again?“ or something). Also the conclusion of this episode is Maddie telling Buck he is different to Red because he has her (and in general those scenes between them, yes, they were also about Abby because she was another person Buck has been left by but just like they mention a best friend in terms of people Maddie left behind it is not about the romantic aspect, it is about people he loves in general), because he has a sister and she won’t leave him again - so there, familial love! The pinky swear! The importance of family. (see 3.11)

Also had it really been about love you know what would have happened since then? We’d have seen Buck calling Abby! Maddie would have said something about Buck still being young and having time to meet someone! Instead Abby and Buck run into each other by accident and Maddie makes a pinky swear to never leave again, so yeah, I just think sometimes we need to wait for how stuff plays out before we judge.

Now of course I wanna mention the pool scene as well.

Firstly, I know we already traced a lot of what Buck says at the end back to Eddie and the grocery store but did ya’ll here Chimney say: „Seems like your making this about yourself“ and Bobby implying the same thing, so yeah, I wonder if it was them quoting Eddie or if this is what everyone is supposed to be thinking or if it was just a setup for the breakdown at the end.

Also let’s talk about Eddie real quick here, because I found it really weird that they didn’t reference his platoon from Afghanistan here? Like they could have easily have him say „I’m not in the army anymore but I still talk to my old platoon.“, especially since we MET them one episode before. So either they didn’t think of that, they wanted to reinforce the fear Buck has or Eddie may just be as lonely as Buck?

(Guess which way I’m leaning?)

(Look, children are great but they are no substitute for friends and adult conversation, just saying!)

But I love how hard Mr. Stoic and emotionally unavailable tries to reassure Buck, tries to be there for him. And also did ya’ll notice how, once Eddie speaks for the first time Buck’s focus never strays from him. Hen and Chimney and Bobby talk as well but it seems as if Buck never looked away from Eddie. (Which, definitely get that, he looked good here.) Also how Buck stresses the “That better not happen to us“ - man, what conversation could he be referencing? Man, I wish I had memorised this show by now so I could tell you about two scenes that happened in 3A between Buddie where the topic of us was emphasised a lot but alas I don’t and I can’t.

What the pool scene also proofs once more is that the 118 just like an actual family has a lot of communication issues because Hen and Chimney not being in contact with Tommy or so is a completely different situation but because of their bad communication they don’t realise that this is something they need to explain to Buck because they think this is about Red.

Bobby doesn’t get it either tbh.

But we all know who does, look, I said it about 3.03 and I’ll say it now: Eddie knows Buck. Eddie understands Buck. And Eddie is on the path of realising that Buck needs him to say the actual words and not just let his actions speak!
And my my if all of this pays off I will be one happy camper! (Hums Rihanna “We found love in a hopeless place”)

On a sidenote I hate that Red pegged Buck as a hothead because he really really isn’t! He’s just excitable and sometimes struggles with expressing himself and that frustrates him!

Also I never noticed the apartment had an outside area? did we know this? There is a grill?

Also really would love to see Gigi / Dana Strattford again, I liked her, she’s pretty! (But not like to date one of my guys, Tim, kay?)

(Also whats Officer Williams up to these days? Asking for … a friend?)

And to round this episode up: Oliver still looked so sick at times and they put a lot more makeup on him than they normally do? Usually you can see the slight scaring on his face but this episode you couldn’t but you could see the tears / snot mixing with all the makeup when he was crying and honestly, not his best look! (He still makes it work, though! Just saying, I miss 1.02 / 3.02 / 3.03 Buck, I know these episodes hurt but visually they are peak!)

Episode 3.17:

Was that episode amazing? Yes.

Am I still cackling about Oliver Stark having too much leg? Yes.

Did I love the Frank mention with all my heart? Yes.

Was Michael’s meet cute in an elevator less gay than any Buddie scene we got so far specifically any in 2.01 also known as their meet-ugly? That was a rhetorical question, you guys.

As for that comment I wouldn’t put too much stock into it. I mean, if you’re a single guy and you get invited out to fifth wheel at a double date with your sister and her boyfriend and his best friend and her wife, no matter how close you are, you will feel awkward so of course you invite the other single guy who happens to be your best friend who happens to be part of the friendgroup AND the team you’re working with making this a definite team/family/work - outing.

That being said: it took me 23h to come up with a reasonable explanation for this comment and I did scream at my laptop and pause the episode after it was made and I have been thinking “Buddie” confirmed about 100 times since then!

Also, they just spent a shit ton of time together, right? Like, if Buck’s there than so is Eddie and if Eddie is there than so is Buck and I’m clowning and not calm anymore!

Maybe “Buck invites Eddie” can be our always?

In other news this episode has absolutely no relevance for anything, but I love it deeply.

And we made it you guys! It was slower going but it worked!

Thank you to everyone who read so far and thank you to everyone who has been liking and reblogging and commenting! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how much this means to me!

(Also please keep doing that! I too am an excitable puppy looking for validation!)

Now, to tag:

@angelcamael, @greyhello, @ipleiade, @the-family-we-choose-118 @chimbuckleys @sevensoulmates

[shikadainara]

an in-depth breakdown of b*ruto episode 178

sorry i’m late i was lost on the path of life

tl;dr yeah ok i can have my hopes and dreams about what specifically i would want but. BUT. honestly yeah the episode was more or less what i expected would actually be in it from the preview, so i can’t complain. i still sobbed!!! that’s all i really wanted!!

time to rewatch it! (warning: long post. LOL)

obviously this is nothing new but i still can’t get over how nice the exterior to the nara household is, good for them. i don’t think i noticed the solar panel before? good for them!

i’m entertained at how the episode does open with shikadai tying his hair as he walks, i just think it’s neat. i love how the camera frames it like seeing a nara with their hair down is something forbidden we’re not mean to see

temari has purple slippers i dedicate her commitment to her favorite color. (also i am Just Saying... purple........ the bisexual flag--)

yeahhhh ok so. i get the need for wanting to frame the narrative like this, but this really doesn’t make any sense. shikadai is 12, and is also a chuunin, like... he should know by now that his dad is always kinda a mess on this day of the year, and why that is. and even if he honestly really did just forget, the fact that he’s still asking his dad why he’s not at work while looking at the way his parents are dressed... did this not clue you in or what????

the fact that shikamaru’s up and ready (i really don’t think he gets much sleep on this day, every year...), and it’s shikadai who’s just getting up. i do think it’s cute that we do get to see a tiiiiiny bit of temari’s parenting that doesn’t involve being an out of character irrationally angry woman when she tells shikadai to not come crying to her when he’s late in getting ready, yeah that definitely sounds way more like her lol

temari says she told him about all of this the other day (shikadai blatantly forgot, he tries to pretend he didn’t but she doesn’t press him for it)... that does make me emotional thinking like. she is pretty painfully aware of how hard this is on shikamaru, and days in advance told shikadai about it, to try to make sure he understands what his father is going through........ she really does care about him so, so much.

i said this based off the preview, but... i would like to interpret that temari is purposefully doing the dishes(/rest of house chores) to give him space to grieve....... 

the fact that while explaining what today is, shikamaru has to get up, leave the room, and talk while not facing his family, as if he wouldn’t be able to say the words as easily while looking at them........ god. that. that hurts.

\

tsunade being the one to give this speech kinda feels random? like yeah she was the one that was kage during the war but...? i do feel like it would have been more fitting to have naruto say the speech since the whole entire point of the war was to protect him (and bee) but ????? ok

no one in the uzumaki family talks during this episode which is fine by me LOL. i would assume the memorial is on the day the war ended (which would also make it naruto’s birthday/memorial of the kyuubi invasion) but if it is, it’s never stated. maybe it’s the day the war started, idk

the collection of people up front feels pretty random??? kakashi as the previous hokage, sure, guy i guess because of how important his contribution the war against madara was and also because he is kakashi’s husband, shizune kinda has to be there if tusnade is, but... iruka? like yeah he is vital to the narrative, but to konoha? he is the headmaster of the academy i think now so i guess...? but then? ibiki??? anko??? i say this as someone that REALLY loves anko, she was my favorite character as a kid and i still love her but,,, huh? SHE WAS KNOCKED OUT DURNG THE WHOLE WAR!!??!?

then you see everyone that was in naruto’s class + team guy + sai except hinata is in the crowd. which of course to the narrative, to us the readers, those are the main characters (if you ignore how more or less everyone was super shafted throughout all of part 2) but!!! team guy’s only real connection to the rest of them is that they took the chuunin exams together, and neji and hinata were are cousins. that’s about it. was it that specifically all of these characters made such a contribution to the war compared to every other single shinobi from konoha that lived ??????

shikamaru staring up to the sky did made my heart clench... no matter how different he is now than he was when he was a 12 year old genin...... i do feel like he’s never entirely ditched his true self of just wanting to stare at the clouds all day.... i’m not entirely sure what the intent was here, but i’m sure there’s supposed to be some symbolism here. the sky is actually nearly entirely clear (the way is framed, there’s only a tiny cloud in the corner,) and then he closes his eyes and hums. maybe it’s supposed to be about the closure he gets in this episode...

\

ok and then here’s ao cool whatever. since i only skim through b*ruto for the characters that i care about i do not really careeeee since i won’t watch again until something interesting happens to said characters that i care about LOL

?? who voiced the receptionist they sound familiar but i can’t place it at all

katasuke is the bitch that made the scientific ninja tool for b*ruto so he could cheat in the exam right

what is ao doing here. is he supposed to be doing something evil. it sure looks that way

... who is the glasses orange scarf guy??? he kinda looks like a mix between udon and ebisu and aoba but i know he’s not any one of them lol

\

TEMARI AND KARUI STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER... i don’t think in any media they’ve ever??? ACTUALLY TALKED TO EACH OTHER???? BUT THEY SHOULD BE CLOSE FOR THE OBVIOUS REASON....... I’LL TAKE THESE CRUMBS THOUGH THANK YOU

OKKKKK admittedly like. in terms of Pleasing Me, Personally, it’s a damned if you do, dammed if you don’t situation like.... they do kinda HAVE to acknowledge that neji died during the war so. i appreciate that hinata like........ cares. i guess. i’ll try to not post the whole rant about why neji’s death was (logistically how he died aside) narratively and thematically absolute bullshit, kishi (i believe) saying that neji died so he could play cupid for naruto and hinata like!!! fuck off with that shit!!! maybe if it wasn’t for the goddamn “naruto-kun’s big warm manly hand” line i would feel a little bit actual sad but no.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOSHINO AND CHOUZA HELLO!?!?!?!? COULD YOU REALLY NOT HAVE PUT THEM IN THE CROWD??

ino also has an unnamed mother that the anime made up that i believe was only in like a single episode (and was cameoed in RtN i think?) but she should still be like. Alive. so her too.

MITSUKI PLACING FLOWERS IS SO FUNNY TO ME LIKE YOU DO KNOW YOUR PARENT’S SUBORDINATE/DOUBLE CROSS TRAITOR WHATEVER DID CAUSE THE WAR RIGHT BFIOBU*EHW$

\

aaand. here’s shikamaru and ino’s conversation. i’m not sure if i can put this into words, but... just... the way that they talk to each other, the weight of 15+ years of sadness about this, the way that they just!! fully know what the other is going through, the way that they’ve known each other for their whole lives and survived through everything together, the way i feel like they’ve avoided talking about this topic as much as possible over the years, hell even during this conversation the way they’re almost bickering to avoid having to directly confront their feelings, but it is unavoidable....... 

i also do wonder what their relationship with each other’s parents were while growing up: shikamaru does refer to inoichi as “inoichi-san” here, contrast to how their kids all call each other’s parents just “uncle” or “aunt”

siri play sad naruto flute.

ok since i did go back to rewatch the episode from shippuden right before watching this one for the first time i do wish a liiiittle less of the episode was about this flashback with the same reused footage like i get that they do have to put it in here but Still.

THE FACT THAT SHIKAMARU IS SMILING WHILE RECALLING WHAT HAPPENED, AND THAT THERE’S A LAUGH IN HIS VOICE........ I WANT TO CRY AGAIN

ino saying that it was so unfair how cool they looked in the end, and then giggles...... ino............. this must be so, so painful for her to recall, and yet.........

IT IS SO FUNNY HOW THEY SKIP OVER THE IMAGE OF SASUKE THERE AHAHAHAHA god i hated that so so much i can’t believe that’s manga canon. the line is perfectly fine and makes me cry just DO NOT RELATE IT TO SASUKE!!!! literally the only time they “”interact”” is when ino is introduced and ino just, for lack of a better word, glomps him???? THAT’S IT??? i feel like they might’ve changed it just because, well, you know the endgame pairings. but still. bye sasuke

damn you know what i do kinda wish they didn’t skip over the “get rid of that box before your mother finds it” part i AM curious as to what it was i mean it’s implied it’s something adult related so SP probably couldn’t show that on TV BUT!!!

ok ok all week i tried to not imagine what shikamaru and ino’s conversation would be since i wanted to go all “surprise me!!” BUT??? BUT. SHIKAMARU ASKING INO IF SHE THINKS THAT THEIR FATHERS HONESTLY, TRULY BELIEVED IN THEM?? HE’S BEEN THINKING ABOUT THAT ON EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS YEAR THESE PAST 15+ YEARS, AND SURELY IT’S ALWAYS BEEN AT THE BACK OF HIS MIND ALL THIS TIME!?!?! of course. OF COURSE HE WOULD FEEL THIS WAY!!! HE’D HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING FOR SURE OR EVER FINDING OUT!!! like of course we as the readers know that shikaku and inoichi absolutely 200% felt that way but... from his perspective... you know what i don’t even think this idea ever crossed my mind HOLD ON THAT IS THE SOUND OF MY HEART SHATTERING--

and then he just... smiles. says that he won’t let that get him down, since it’s not like they’ll ever find out anyways. sure, it’s been 15+ years, he has had to have largely come to terms with everything by now, but...... still....

then he talks about the idea that the day will come and leave everything in the hands of their sons (now looking over at team 10′s turn to place flowers) just like their dads did... it is worded like a question, but showtaro morikubo’s absolute masterful performance does. it does portray a tone like he is absolutely 100% sure that it’ll happen, one day...

i’ve said this before but. i KNOW shikamaru has definitely spent so much time thinking about this. sure it hasn’t ever really been brought up on-screen (yet), but....... i want to see him talking about a direct contrast on what his grand plan through life he thought of by age 12, ending with him passing away by old age. obviously he did a complete 180 on they type of person he wanted as a wife LOL. it is kinda brought up at the start of shikamaru hiden while he visits the grave, says he hasn’t found anyone he’d give his life to protect... (well. now he has a son where if you see the recent chapters he is very, VERY protective of.) but i would like to see this change in his character be directly be brought up and examined

........ that being SAID. i sure hope neither of them actually like. die. i’m GOOD, thank you. they sure as hell can’t until they’re ready to pass things down to their sons, at least. until then, absolutely zero narrative reason to do so, but...... still. we don’t need to make everything an EXACT copy of what happened in naruto you can let them live kthx

they both say “what kind of half-baked response is that!” and then laugh just. I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH TEAM 10 IS FOREVER

/

there is some symbolism in how ao walks over from a really dark shadowy area into the light when he decides that he has to pay his respects...

i do like how he does reflect on how he really should have come here earlier, but better late than never i suppose

i was expecting a... more elaborate explanation for how he lived??? especially since he was standing RIGHT NEXT to shikaku and inoichi... he just. happened to survive for whatever reason while every single other person died on impact

that survivor’s guilt does hurt to see

i do like seeing how he chooses to do something with his life, aside from being a shinobi, and live it to the fullest for the sake of everyone that died in the explosion. that’s nice

/

ino saying “i’m sure are fathers are happy!” AAAAAAAAAAA

IN HINDSIGHT....... I ABSOLUTELY SOULD’VE PREDICTED SOMEONE WOULD DROP A “YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE YOUR FATHER” AT SOME POINT IN THE EPISODE...... and. i did kinda chuckle, because like, no shit duh lmao. i’m sure shikamaru heard that all the time as a kid!!! and hell, i’m sure he still gets it from time to time over the years up to this day. BUT LIKE... SHIKAMARU’S FACE. HE LOOKS LIKE THAT, RIGHT NOW, IT’S ACTUALLY SOMETHING HE REALLY, REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR. LET ME CRY

hearing shikamaru say oyaji, and then the way his tone suddenly shifts to something very... quiet and somber? when he says “nara shikaku”..... something about that. man.... also it’s hard to see but there is a sweat drop on his face as he says all of this...

“sometimes, i end up wondering...” don’t lie to yourself. you think about this so, so much........

the flashback where ao says “listen to me calmly” when he says the bomb is coming this way sure reminds me of ino telling shikamaru to stay calm as she tells him that his son has a bomb around his neck

THE ADDED PART OF THE FLASHBACK WITH THEIR VERY LAST MOMENTS...... THE WAY THEY’RE SMILING AND JUST??? BELIEVE IN THEIR KIDS IN THE VERY END. just like how it’s described in shikamaru hiden where the narrative says that shikaku was a shinobi until his very last breaths-- actually, no. in the very end he was a father.......

“THEY BELIEVED IN YOU, WITHOUT A HINT OF DOUBT.”

AAA?A?AAAAAAAAA?A?A?A??A!??!!??!!

INO STARTS TEARING UP BUT I CALL ABSOLUTE BS THAT SHIKAMARU WOULDN’T ALSO JUST BURST ONTO TEARS ON THE SPOT, HE MAY BE 32 WHATEVER YEARS OLD NOW BUT... HE IS STILL SUCH A CRYBABY AT HEART, HIS ENTIRE CIRCLE OF LOVED ONES KNOW THIS.

you know who DID start crying though??? ME

/

i do wonder, is this the same hillside that shikamaru went to after asuma’s death...? (only in the manga tho, the anime had him on a rooftop instead)

is that??? someone watching them in the back left?? when shikadai finds him? i cannot tell what that is

i am. trying to follow temari’s logic of telling shikadai to go find shikamaru and... not also going with him?? i mean i figured from the preview that, yeah it does look like it’s only the two of them, but... i can’t come up with a reason. not a super big deal but. obviously my heart yearns for that shikatema content that’s ok i can write my own fanfic i guess!!!!

also like...... i imagine it can’t be THAT hard to find him, i’m sure that he only has a small handful of Spots Good For Coping(™) when he just needs to be by himself, that i would Think his wife would know where they are. and said wife would tell shikadai. but idk

after all of this, shikamaru wants to just treat his son to go eat out whatever he wants...!! what a good father

....... now like. the logic of “temari is currently making dinner and that’s why she’s a) not there and b) told shikadai to go fetch is father” would make perfect sense. but... if they’re going out to get food then... no?? shikadai would interject to say so if that was the case..... that makes this all make no sense seriously what the hell is she doing

i do wish that like. shikadai like.... uh. actually learned about more shikaku?? this scene is more brief than i thought it would be idk i felt like it would be part of the middle of the episode and not at the end, oh well. he’ll find out in due time

THAT BEING SAID...  STILL. THE ENDING WHERE HE JUST CARES SO SO SO SO MUCH ABOUT SHIKADAI!!!! WONDERING IF HE’S WATCHING HIS BACK!!! I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEMMMMM

/

not quite sure whatever ao is doing at the end of the episode???? IS IT EVIL??? i mean like that it’s him catching a leaf seems like he’s going against konoha but i mean konoha fucking sucks so. that is not evil i guess LOL

whatever not like i’ll care to actually find out!!!!! anyways let me know when the nara family (or anyone adjacent to them) does anything so i can care LOL

in conclusion. good shit.

[semi-imaginary-place]

rewatching decadence

ep1: so... indoctrinating kids that they life their life in service to an upper class. also like, the way deca dence takes care of giant gadoll is to punch it like no giant sword or laser canon or anything just the power of a giant mountain sized fist. this show actually has some good foreshadowing from seeing Natsume from the perspective of Kaburagi’s hud, to Natsume’s dad (Muno) finding the Solid Quake logo at the beginning of the episode and the logo again being shown in the last shot at the announcement signs off with have a profitable day which is a weird public safety announcement but makes sense as a company slogan. I’m still not sure what the “TIME 1:00  POINT SE,07,G” means. I didn’t write it down last time because I was unsure of myself, but my first thought when the cyborgs showed up was VR chatroom for the upper class.

ep2: yeahs that’s totally an advertisement that plays right after natsume realizes the human costs of war as the tankers pay respects to the fallen. I realized what it was with the cartoony designs, the bright colors and patterns, the funky shapes of all the structures aboard the space ship, it looks like a tv show for toddlers. inoffensive and deliberately cheerful to distract from the horrors of a corporation owning your person. the eng subtitles are confusing here it should be “real death(simulation) awaits” in that the company is advertising being able to experience death but not have any of its permanent consequences as a feature of the game. The cyborgs are corporate wage slaves being compensated for their labor in company credits and the only other things we seen them do outside of work is play the company’s mmo, or recreational drugs. “I should be proud of my function and to be scrapped” as property of the company. aaaa that’s terrible. aaa. what are cyborg cores??? and why are they valuable. Solid Quake has no control over the core, only the cyborg’s housing. Is it that they cannot produce more? Considering the others on the team got executed for sentenced to an eternal forced labor camp with appalling conditions, Minato really did pull some strings for Kaburagi. ooh so “time until scrapping” and “operational limit near are two different warnings. the first is a general reminder of lifespan and the second is because oxyone levels are low. now its “TIME 20:00  POINT SE,05,I”. all those new gadoll events probably wreck havoc on the tanker economy. its 400c now and i think it was 500 for 2 earlier. First time through I wasn’t paying attention and totally thought kaburagi was an assassin, but no he’s just clean up crew. ahh yes, come spend you wages at the company run stores. micro transactions... wait so where were people getting the number 13 from?

ep3: ah yes Solid Quake charges to use the media center, truly a micro transaction hell. Natsume’s character arc is about whether to push herself or not. Here Fei acts as part of a continuing dialectic saying that Tankers have no place outside of Deca-Dence, that sooner of later Natsume will die from it, and once again highlighting Natsume’s right arm. In the other level of this though, tankers shouldn’t go outside because that’s not their role in the solid quake mmo, and those who would disrupt the mmo are killed. I like how you can see Kaburagi switch from videogame logic (oh she’s low level so let’s just stick her in the tutorial zone) to real life (what skills and experiences would help in fighting). So several corporations took advantage of desperate people to sell them a service that would augment them with mechanical parts. I get that pipe in a little outfit is funny, but does no one really realize its a gadoll, i meant natsume recognizes it instantly. like the scene where Natsume talks about her right arm, the anime does a good job of showing how her feeling about it are complicated. She’s lived with that arm for years, but it also hinders her sometimes, and people will comment about it. there’s this specific type of humor that pops up in this show and given how its the same joke, my guess is that its the same person behind it. The “joke” being that Natsume is put in a position that references sexual assault. The first is with fennel where she makes up an excuse of having to go see kaburagi to get away from him. And then there’s this episode. There’s also a few stray lines here and there that alarm me in that they imply Natsume has dealt with the threat of assault before. Since they didn’t do anything meaningful with this, I’d rather it just not be there. Minato is in on the secret of Pipe’s existence and by the way the two talk, they’ve called each other before in the last 7 years. Its good to know that Kaburagi wasn’t JUST brooding for 7 years and that the two of them stayed in contact.

ep4: Natsume after having gained confidence in herself takes down several gadoll and earns her place in The Power. Its a fulfilling payoff after seeing her train for several episodes. Natsume is where she always wanted to be, fighting gadoll in the Power. gahh It really is a patch release trailer. Ohh so I assumed that the other structures on the cartoon earth were other corporations, but in this episode we see one of them (the white and red striped cone thing opposite the deca-dence dome) and the cyborgs there are talking about the game (MMO LARPing lol), so either Solid Quake owns multiple of those structures, or these cyborgs are customers not owned by Solid Quake and playing of their own volition. that would makes the cone cyborgs where solid quake is deriving its profit from since its not like it pays its workers. reading comments online, a lot of people missed that because a ranker was found to be cheating (mikey), the rankings were abolished. In the present time, gears/players are not ranked. Ah so Kaburagi was transferred to the maintenance department from the warrior department. Wow reassignment is so much better than the poop jail. I remember it being said, armor repair, doctor, and weapon shop could be employee(cyborg) run so I wonder if the medics and that one armor shop guy are tankers or not. So this anime already snuck in a sex joke with the when the poop gang swapped kaburagi’s avatar with a sex toy, so i wonder if the safetyprivatemode was made so that the mods wouldn’t have to listen to robot sex. I really wish this show could have had 24 episodes. The trend for the past 20 years has been shorter and shorter shows so I know it would have been likely impossible to get the clearance and funding for 24 eps but oooh in som alternate universe maybe... i brought up fleshing out minor characters and character relationships before but there also stuff like Natsume’s right hand almost clamping on ... Mindy? Which usually would be a narrative flag but is completely dropped because of the episode limit. And the confidence Natsume gained last episode come to work against Kaburagi trying to keep her from the suicide mission. Its only from this point on that Kaburagi starts to really change, as of this point he is still a loyal cog to a machine that does not care about him. Kaburagi and Natsume in the 2nd half of the episode continue the same dialectic that runs through the whole of the show, about giving up and learning to try again, about pushing your limit, about why someone bothers trying. On the collectivist versus individualist spectrum, Deca-Dence is on the individualist side with assertions of the importance for deciding for yourself what you will do with your life. Its an interesting counterpoint to The Twilight Mirage (Friends at the Table) which I am currently listening to in that The Twilight Mirage is a western production and strongly collectivist with one of the antagonist being sort of kind of an embodiment of independence/individualism while japanese works as a whole tend to be more about the whole over the individual than western ones. Kurenai talking about why she fights is very good and very important for 2 reasons, first it help flesh out not only her but offer a very needed other opinion on what its like to live as a Tanker, second it segues nicely into Natsume’s memories of her dad telling her about the outside world and him being the only one to believe she can do it (fight in The Power) as contrasted with flashbacks of all the other characters telling her she can’t. This culminates in Natsume gathering her resolve to fight not because of something grand like changing the world or the fate of humanity, but something very personal scale: changing herself and proving to herself that she can do it. The is also the climax of her character arc, the point of no return.

ep5: If last episode was natsume’s point of no return, then either this episode or episode 7 is Kaburagi’s. Rationally speaking, the optimal scenario would have been for Kaburagi to stall long enough for the Tankers to escape before pulling back himself, but emotionally and narratively, there’s no way he couldn’t. After all the build up of deciding for yourself how to live and pushing your limits. Its appropriate that here in defense of the girl that inspired him to live and choose for himself rather than just continue existing in the default of what Solid Quake demands of him, that Kaburagi chooses to release his operational limiter (literally pushing him limit) and derail the company’s plans. How did no one realize purple dude was breaking imprisonment to play on a hacked avatar. Like he’s still as purple and bloodthirsty as ever. He acts and speaks the same. Someone would have totally seen him and gone “eyyyyy [i forgot this guy’s name] is back” and talked to people about it and someone should have heard. So I remember reading comments from various idiots who were mad because they mistakenly thought the anime took place in a virtual space and that Natsume was made of lines of code. And first off even if that was true there’s a difference between objective reality and the lived experiences of a person and what’s to say her experiences and emotions would be any less real than yours. And second, did everyone forget The Hunger Games? Like its just another game that plays with real lives and doesn’t care who gets killed. Solid Quake is just using humans as a stage prop. Man this episode is jam packed. Its like getting punched in the face 4 times. The pacing of the last 4 minutes was really good. The quiet scene as dawn breaks acts in direct contrast to the high energy of the Stargate takedown that preceded it. After time and against not listening to him, Minato still calls Kabu to check in with him. There’s also his certainly that it was Kaburagi that saved the Deca-Dence mech (i need to be clearer when I’m talking about the physical fortress city mech, the mmorpg game, or the deca-dence system itself). And then when the world state gets reset is just so good because it make it clear that the gadoll were never the true enemy. The tankers could kill as many gadoll as they want and nothing would change. Kaburagi’s at an interesting point here, in that he’s no longer in a state of having given up like he was in episode 1 just waiting to die and following along with Solid Quake’s orders, as of this episode he has deliberately gone against the company’s rules, and yet he’s still believes that nothing will actually change. He’s broken a rule and resigned himself to punishment instead of say for example getting rid of the punishment all together. He’s still a good little employee that hasn’t rebelled against the system. And then the “Take care of Pipe” and Natsume turns around and he’s already gone, is sooo good. The final shot too of his avatar face down in the snow! The “This world needs bugs” is in direct contrast to Hugin/Fugin(?) repeating that this world must be rid of bugs, and the same phrase Kaburagi repeated 7 years ago when he was transferred to the Maintenance Department instead of being killed. I wonder how much the cyborgs feel in their original bodies  vs. how much they feel in their Gear avatars. Kaburagi doesn’t seem to care about food and no food stalls were shown in the Gear area so maybe they doesn’t have much sense of taste? The avatars also have a lessened sense of pain. And then the limit release sequence shows connections increasing between the two bodies so does it make the cyborgs more attuned with the avatar’s senses?

ep6: eh so this is another example of what I mean when I say some of the humor in this show is in bad taste. They probably put the oxyone port where the ass would be just to make this joke. But this is better then doing to it Natsume. The animators even had a gleam censor for the over where the capsule was inserted as if it wasn’t obvious enough what it was suppose to look like. Spurned on by the the promise that one day if they work hard and behave (”rehabilitated”), the cyborgs will get let out when in actuality its a forced labor camp so that Solid Quake can squeeze just a little more labor our of the cyborgs for even less compensation. The cartoony style here helps offset just how horrific there working conditions are. And Kaburagi still the good little employee (iiko) tries his hardest to play by the rules and win. Except in this game, there is no “win’ written into the rules. So finally he is forced to move outside of the system Solid Quake has made. I still can’t believe they let Donatello keep the gun... Maybe cyborg cores are brains. In 5.5 Kaburagi’s core is in the top half of his metal case, and Donatello’s is also in his head. I’m still not sure what that sequence where Kaburagi takes the head fin and an image of a cyborg core is overlayed, means.

[personally-im-feeling-pantastic]

Rewatching Stargate Atlantis, Season 1 Episode 7: Poisoning the Well

Okay, so first thought: they're in the old section of the stacks in the UIUC library

They're talking to a guy with a truly magnificent beard, and a pretty nice suit

A weapon against the wraith? Doubtful, seeing as this is only episode 7 of a 5 season show, and I remember the wraith being an extremely ongoing problem

And he had to wait to 'make sure he could trust them' before telling them this, which means that it's most likely unethical

Well, as we saw from the previous episode, McKay doesn't give a shit about ethics so, you can tell him!

Wait, McKay actually cares about ethics now? And Sheppard apparently switched places with him because whoops, forgot to tell these people that they don't actually have another fifty years before the wraith attack again bcus Sheppard accidentally woke them up and now they're on the warpath. Great.

Ok ok ok, so the weapon is an experimental drug that will supposedly make people immune to the wraith?? Good luck, man

And Sheppard promised to help them, of course he did.

Yay Carson!

And a Star Trek reference, nice

Ooh Carson's got a crush

Also please give me a full view of the front, back, and sides of that lab dress, because that is interesting

Buttons down the back, with no front closures, mid thigh, has a little cape in the back, like a robe a la française, but without pleating, a very sharp collar, there's a center front seam, even if there isn't a front closure, and there's a broach in the collar, made of woven white natural fiber

Please excuse me while I start planning a possible cosplay

It works? Or, at least, mostly. Nice!

Ok, War Crimes time!

New note on the lab dress: instead of a cape, it appears to be more like a loose vest that could possibly be covering front buttons, or just be a smaller version of an apron. This could be what the broach is holding in place

Alright, I admit, I do find Carson's crush on this scientist very adorable very adorable

I was joking about war crimes before, but Weir just actually cited the Geneva Convention, and this was waved off by Sheppard, because he wants to do medical experiments on the prisoner that they've been starving for a month, damnit!

I love the dynamic of Carson vs every scientist on this planet, they're like "yay controlled simulations worked, time to start human testing!" And he's like "NO wtf are you guys crazy??" And then they're like "yay this single test involving a man who is literally dying anyways worked, and we haven't even evaluated that there weren't any negative side affects, or waited a significant amount of time to see if any show up, time to start mass production!" And he's like "NO NO NO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???!?!”

Alright, the wraith is dying (I think)

And he's dead

But still acting superior until the very end

And now this dumbass chancellor isn't listening

They're literally explaining in great detail how the wraith are just going to wipe these people out when they find out that they have an actual weapon against the wraith, and he's like 'or maybe they'll leave us alone, who knows ?' sir, everyone knows. They're going to kill all your people.

Ok, apparently he already started distributing the drugs

And now half of the people who took the drug are dying

And he's still fine with it???????

He's like 'I will put it to a vote, and do whatever my people decide'

I know this is bad timing, but the lab dress doesn't come down to mid thigh with white pants, as I thought, it actually comes down to around mid calf to ankle length

No :( Carson's crush just died. And he was so cute with her :(

Apparently the vote turned out 96% in favor

[kuningannasansa]

A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x08

In which Richelieu almost gets his husband killed 

We start with Labarge (spl?) being escorted through the streets of Paris by musketeers. He is played by that guy who always plays violent brutes with few if any lines of dialogue. 

Red guards show up and demand that the prisoner is handed over to them. Then Labarge beats the crap out of them until the musketeers intervene. Not before a red guard is killed thou. By another red guard attempting to strike at Labarge.

The dead man is called Captain Trudeau. And the red guard who killed him blames the musketeers. 

Now they’re fighting each other! Male egos... 

Treville says Trudeau was given fair warning and it’s his own fault he’s dead. Kind of harsh. Richelieu retorts that Treville had no business arresting a regional intendant without coming to him first. I’m really struggling to see Labarge in the role of regional intendant, but I guess that’s the point. Treville shoots back that he’s a violent criminal who subjected Gascony to a reign of terror. And Richelieu says that the man exceeded his authority and he was in the process of calling him back before the musketeers intervened. I know I’m supposed to take the musketeers side here, but I really see no reason to doubt Richelieu.

Treville is mad and says any of his musketeers could defeat any of the red guards and Louis immediately makes a bet! So there we are, that’s the plot sorted out. I love their bickering thou xD

Richelieu looks so panicked, poor dear! He knows he doesn’t stand a chance but he can’t afford to back down. 

Constance and D’artagnan are being cute and domestic!

D’artagnan apologizes for the rent being overdue. Nice reference to the books! But in the books he doesn’t apologize, he is quite insulted that some commoner would even dare to bother him with such trivialities. Much more realistic to a noble of the era, but I guess not something a modern audience would sympathise with. 

Here Bonacieux actually tells him off thou and that’s too far in the other direction, kind of takes me out of the story. 

Treville is so excited about this contest! Bless!

The entry fee is 30 livres and our boys haven’t got it. It’s time to go womanizing! In the church. 

Aramis knows all the women there, of course. 

“It’s a requiem mass not a party at Madame Angel’s” - and then they cross themselves lol. 

Labarge has destroyed D’artagnan’s farm “as a warning to other local landowners” because Dart’s father was “greatly respected”. But Dart had done nothing to him and his father is long dead? I don’t get this. 

Porthos can’t lie for shit and Alice helps him out cause she fancies him! That’s cute!

Alice has put on a colourful dress and her maid is judging her. 

Porthos says it must be great for her to have all of her husband’s things to remember him by and I thought he was talking of his own lack of things to remember his mother by but Alice responded by giving him her husband’s solid gold candle snuffer! So was he fishing for that the whole time? It really comes across more like he wasn’t but then took the opportunity. 

D’artagnan proclaims he is ready and Athos just smiles. And proceeds to provoke him with tales of Labarge being comfortable in the Bastille with his “every whim attended to”. But we had a scene before of Labarge being fed disgusting prison food and talked down to by a guard, so not true lol.

Doesn’t stop D’art from barging into Richelieu’s office screaming thou.

Richelieu offers him patronage and D’art turns it down. This episode almost feels like the book.

“As a citizen of France I demand my rights” - you are a subject of the King. Shut up.

Milady overheard the whole thing!

“Your fascination with these musketeers seems inexhaustible.” - lol Armand, look who’s talking!  

Milady: “I do everything for you.” Richelieu: “Permit me to doubt that.” - but in the last episode you trusted her to manage the Ninon thing even in the event of your death?

“There was a time I found your independence of spirit arousing. I must warn you, Milady, that time is now past.” - this line is gross and unnecessary. But also, what did she do between last episode and this one to change his opinion like that? I guess the writers just needed him to discard her for plot reasons, but it could have been better written.

Red guards arrest a protesting Bonacieux! This really is the book episode!

Bonacieux: “You want me to spy on him [D’art]?” Richelieu: “I can see you are a man of quick intelligence.”

Why is his office so huge and empty thou, with one little desk in it?

D’artagnan... steals a red guard uniform. And breaks into the Bastille. Wow, okay, totally forgot about that bit. 

And he does the whole “my name is D’artagnan of Lupiac in Gascony” thing again. And tries to force a confession out of Labarge.

And Labarge would have killed him if Athos had not shown up.

Athos: “What did I tell you about thinking before you act!” D’artagnan: “I can’t help it, I’m not like you!” Athos: “You are, more than you know.” - oh, you mean you also didn’t think before you strung up your wife from a tree? Yeah, i see that.

A milathos scene! Athos says he won’t attack a defenceless woman and Milady laughs as though at the idea that she is defenceless, but it breaks my heart cause dude, you very much did do just that.

“I have to make a living somehow, what better patron could I have?” Milady says of Richelieu and she is right!

“I’m a soldier, just like you.” - YES! SHE IS!

She tries to come on to him for casual sex and he rejects her. With difficulty, but still :(( 

She gives him “fair warning” to stay away from her.

Papa Treville looks so proud looking at Athos and D’art training!

Richelieu tells Labarge that he “overstepped his limits” and “ruled Gascony like a petty tyrant”. Lebarge says he just gave people the needed encouragement to pay their taxes and Richelieu replies: “Perhaps if more of the taxes you collected had reached the treasury, I’d be inclined to overlook your excesses.” LOL!

Constance sells her stuff to get D’art the money. And then Milady gives it to him before she can. And D’art doesn’t decline even thou all he knows of her is that she left him to take the the blame for her murder and lied about Ninon. He literally doesn’t give a fuck as long as he can enter this fight! 

Milady looks so pretty in this scene thou!

Porthos and Alice are getting on very well!

So Milady gave D’art some pendant with a flower on it together with the money as a “token of friendship” and now Bonacieux has nicked it.

D’art: “I found a patron of my own.” Aramis: “Wealthy widow?” D’art: “Not as far as I know.” - so like, with Milady telling her that her lover tried to kill her and Athos’s dead wife coming back from the dead to kill him and Athos clearly recognising the woman at Ninon’s trial, D’art still hasn’t had the penny drop? Or he has and just doesn’t want to tell Athos that he’s taking his wife’s money?

Aramis is the best shot, Porthos is the best at hand to hand combat and D’art does pretty well with the sword, but we don’t see Athos try that.

And Richelieu has commissioned Labarge! xD

Who beats the crap out of his other men. That can’t be good for morale! Like for real, what must the red guards be thinking? Richelieu has made a criminal who killed their captain the new captain! And mocks them publicly for not being as good as him in a fight! 

The pendant is also now in Richelieu’s hands.

Treville was spying on Richelieu! 

Bonacieux bought Constance a bracelet to celebrate his good luck of getting a contract. See, I love when the antagonists are not complete monsters and get human moments like this!

“Becoming a musketeer was the best thing that ever happened to me... until I met you.” - Oh Porthos! That was smooth! 

And Alice offers to support him if he leaves the musketeers.

D’art is looking for his pendant and doesn’t tell Constance about it when she asks if he’s lost something. He knows he’s doing wrong but the glory is beckoning so he can’t help it.

Constance runs after him to give him a goodbye kiss and Bonacieux sees them. That’s what you get for flaunting your affair in the open street. I mean, even if he hadn’t been there, these other people are all her neighbours, who would gossip.

Treville nominates himself and the musketeers are like “this is bullshit”. I don’t blame them. But Papa is just trying to protect them and he knows he’ll get their resentment as a reward! So sad! 

“Was your life so bad, Constance? Was I ever cruel to you, did I beat you?” - this is good writing. It would have been so boring if they had made him into a physically abusive brute. 

Threatening her with killing D’art isn’t cool thou!

Athos accuses Treville of having a midlife crisis and wanting “one last moment of glory”. And when he leaves, Treville just rubs his face and he looks so tired! 

And Constance breaks up with D’art! Meaning he loses the fight and her on the same day, I do feel bad for him.

Constance is right to point out that she has a lot more to lose here thou! 

Treville’s plain brown tunic looks really bad without the cape over it. But the tunic he’s looking at in preparation for the fight looks better at least.

There are only two little stands of courtiers, but it could be worse. 

“You only needed 30 livre, not a wife” - Aramis, you gentleman. 

Treville’s fighting outfit looks good, I was right. But he is getting his ass kicked. What must Richelieu be thinking! I don’t think he knew Treville would be the one to face Labarge. 

I went back to check and we don’t get his reaction to Treville’s name. But when Labarge is announced he doesn’t look particularly happy.

He also looks very distracted when the King addresses him during the fight.

Treville stops to grin at the King while Labarge is getting his breath back and Labarge attacks when his guard is down. He’s done for!

D’art steps in and in 30 seconds flat it becomes an all out brawl between the musketeers and red guards. 

Louis says that Labarge broke the rules and Treville may nominate a champion. So D’art gets his turn to shine. But what rules? Attacking when Treville was not looking? Stepping on Treville’s shoulder with his foot? I guess Louis can make up the rules as he goes along lol xD

I feel sorry for poor Treville, being utterly humiliated! 

And Labarge shouts that he did burn D’art’s farm down right in the middle of the fight. A confession in front of the King. He’d be dead even if he won!

D’art kills him and Louis declares the musketeers the winners. And takes the prize money for himself because “rules were broken and we do need to collect our taxes somehow.” 

“I admire loyalty, more than any other virtue” - that’s true I think? I think it holds up during the show, but I’m not a Louis expert lol.

At least he makes D’art a musketeer finally! And D’arts teary face and all the hugging is quite moving.

Milady in her pretty red dress gets told off by the cardinal. I love how he says “comtesse de la fere”, but he does ask an important question. Why did she give D’art money to compete? Because Richelieu threatened her at the beginning of the episode and she was looking for a new prospect? She tells him she wants to bring him over to “their side” but that doesn’t square with giving him money to win his musketeer commission lol. Well, Armand, that’s what you get for threatening your employees I guess.  

And Alice and Porthos break up because she can’t handle that much excitement and he can’t give up soldiering. 

Porthos and Aramis share a cute moment.

D’art moves out with some poisonous words for Constance. I can’t really blame him in the heath of the moment, but if memory serves he never really apologised while she did. 

And Constance sees him with Milady! And closes the curtain before she can see him tuning her down! Poor Constance!

And poor Milady! Her position with the Cardinal depends on this and he doesn’t give a fuck now he’s a musketeer. 

Overall this was a very good episode. Such a relief after last time. Next up, the stupid assassination attempt on the Queen. Oh joy!

Red guards killed: Captain Trudeau

Women killed: none! yay!

Best dressed: Milady and Richelieu! Look, they match!

[bucksbisexual]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY LAST ONE OF MY OPINION POSTS HERE GOES EP12:

[breathes in]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i’m so fucking happy with this ending

it’s such a good happy ending this is truly what the gays deserve i’m just happiness in physical form rn

i don’t even know where to start but i’ll try to make this as chronological as my brain allows me because my memory do be sucking

i’m gonna put a keep reading because this shit will get loooooong kjshfkf okay let’s do this

so.. we start with PETE EXPOSING NON(T)’S BRAT ASS!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES THATS MY BABY THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

kao’s mom being a fucking badass and telling her BOSS how to do shit. i love her yall I LOVE HERRRRRRRR

also kao’s mom telling kao that she wasn’t the most amazing person ever was so cute because you can see kao’s light bulb turning on sjfkhsgsh please i love them

yes i will say i love x after every single one of these u can’t stop me

from the teaser i thought kao would dashi run run run to pete’s house but thankfully he took a taxi lmao

at least he didn’t run there because he had to run from pete’s house (or may i say, mansion) to the POOL my man is a whole athlete oh my god

KAO YELLING HE LOVES PETE!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLOSED SPACE WITH PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY HEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABYYYYYYYY

also a beautiful parallel to the scene from ep1 (i noticed there’s a lot of parallels in this episode we stan character development and repeating things just so the viewers can see how consistent the couples are)

the kiss from that scene............... beautiful amazing gorgeous idk many words in english to describe how i felt while watching and how i feel about it

to that i think we cut to sunmork but i don’t remember what happened because of the kiss KJHFKSL SORRY

anygays i rlly like how this whole episode is sun being a clingy bih and mork gay panicking while trying to act like a confident gay when he knows that sun outconfidentgays him i love them lmao

okay after that i think it’s petekao having food with their parents all together and god i looooooove this scene

pete’s dad being the lgbt ally dad all of us lgbt fellas with homo/transphobic dads wish we had will never fail to make me soft i love that man pls be my dad too

also kao’s mom :-(( i love her she respected her son’s decision on not coming out until he was ready even though she already smelled it (reminds me of my mom lmao) and was always there for him even when kao didn’t say anything :-(((((((((((

petekao bickering will never get old i swear i love every time they do because that’s so..... men it makes their characters more real

i know there’s a lot (not that much because i admit this episode was kinda short?? idk maybe it’s just me) between that scene and this one but THE SQUAD EATING ALL TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!! AND THEM TEASING PETEKAO!!!!!! PLEASE I LOVE THEM

pete literally not knowing how to stop the audio and broadcasting live TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY that time when he told kao he loved him through the teddy bear...... peak pete culture

the fact that ppl love them and they have a whole hashtag on twitter makes me soft because usually when someone is famous in bls the fans hate the other part of the couple but in this one??? oh no honey we stan petekao in this household hate is not allowed it’s actually prohibited illegal

okay let me backtrack a bit skjfhsjf

OH YES I FORGOT!!!! manow wanting to talk with mork was so weird when i saw the teaser for the episode but after seeing them talk i was like oooooh okay i understand

sun saying “what’s your girl saying to my boy” is probably one of my favourite lines of this drama KLHSJFLF

rain reading their lips fskjfjsf and when mork said “fuck you rain” HIS FACE SKJFHKSJSLFJ HE WAS SCARED SHITLESS but also the end of this scene was so cute i love these three

i just did a bit of skipping through the episode to try and actual make an order out of this mess and the petekao+parents thing comes now,,,,,, anygaYS

then it’s more teasing between sunmork blah blah

then MORK SPEAKING THE MF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! quoting the actual dialogue “it’s my choice to tell or not tell anyone. i should get to decide”

OUTING SOMEONE ISN’T COOL!!!!!!! IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! NO LGBT PERSON WILL EVER WANT TO BE OUTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain had good intentions but it doesn’t mean that it was right of him to do so

okay this got serious,, sun going to rain’s bed with not one but Two pillows when barely two people fit in that bed.... oh to be that iconic and carelessly gay

back to petekao because we will never get enough of these two (which is why i’ll probably watch the our skyy episode tomorrow just to cry over these fools)

it’s so weird to see tay being like this after watching him being himself in other things like the live lunch and taynew meal date and other things i’ve randomly watched during this week to retain myself from finishing this series in a night ksfjhsfkshlks

also kao helping pete shave and pete being like do u like my moustache or should i shave it for u my lord SFHKFJ the domesticity and just the feeling of two idiots being in love i love them with my whole heart

kao staying at pete’s house because it’s both of their first days as interns and kao!!!!! he works for pete’s dad!!!!!!! pete’s dad accepted him into his company!!!!!! i love them

also the bickering between those three sjfkhs “hello im pete im from thailand” “that’s all you’ll say today” THAT WAS SO FUNNNY SKJFHSKFHSFJSFL

THE MESSAGE IN THE TEDDY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAO CALLING PETE LOVE PLEASE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE THESE FOOLS

okay so the squad eating together is right after this but i already talked about it ksjfhsfh next!!

idk if it’s a big time skip or a small one but guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANOW AND RAIN ARE DATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY STRAIGHT BABIES YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAA

manow is so pretty and rain is so cute they’re both so lucky my bisexual ass is crying

pete being “angry” at kao being so handsome,,, a mood

but also.. pete being possessive was h*t

there i said it and i don’t regret it

random but i will miss kao’s annoying ass saying “about aboyz” sjfkhsfh

pete being like “i will have to give u more love bites (ffs gmmtv just say hickies we are all at an age where we know what love bites are) so no one flirts with u” and kao being like “bitch try me” sjfhksfj i’m loving bratty kao

also that scene turned into furry kao real quick KJHDKJFSHJF

okay now it’s: mork’s birthday party time!!

rain and manow arrive first and are the cutest couple around because the two main gays haven’t arrived yet (being gay AND punctual? not possible)

sun and rain fighting in the kitchen was peak siblings culture skfhksjf

mork being ready to leave his own birthday party with a stranger who also plays pokemon go just to have a battle................ dumbass bisexual energy

said stranger is eARN FROM 2GETHER!!!!!! FILM IS IN THIS TOO!!!!!!!! first the girl who plays yuri in yyy and now film who plays earn in 2gether is here too??? damn wlw keep winning (also headcanon: theyre dating/seeing each other because LESBIANS periodt)

okay petekao arrive and wont u guess whats their present for mork,,,,,, the mf TEDDY BEAR and kao rlly says that they should use it since theyre so lip sealed lmao

rain and manow literally gave mork a present not for him but for sun im- i love these two

MORK FINALLY SAID YES TO BEING BOYFRIENDS OH MY GOD DUDE U ACTUALLY HAD ME WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC

also sun being a whole koala and being a horny bitch is so funny sfhskfjskl my man has his priorities set

their last scene is so cute :-(( poor rain will have to live with this until he moves out sjfhksjf

oh boi the ending is near hhhhhhh

kao teaching his class an equation that ends up in i < 3 u is the most kao thing i’ve ever seen

also kAO IS BOOKED AND BUSY BABYYYYYYYYYY GET THOSE COINS HONEY

pete being like “u haven’t spent enough time with me lately >:-(” was cute jhkfjs my man is needy of kao and i understand that because have u seen kao? exactly

kao teasing him with not having forgotten the cup this time and pete being his possessive self was.. splendid

every reference to something that happened with non(t) hurts but also i love how they just tease each other because they know that now their relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and that nothing and no one will come between them

the scenes they show during the last last scenes :-((( BOYFIES!!!!!!

and i love how they decided to end the show with them holding hands in public

i would explain why i do but it’s 6:26 am and i’ve been writing this for at least half an hour already and my laptop is heating up a lot and im sweating because it’s hot in here so get down on the floor pipiipipipipipipi

kdjhkdfhs sorry im not sleepy this is just my brain without a filter it’s just gay shit and a big repertoire of songs

god okay that was my opinion on the last episode of dark blue kiss...........

needless to say that i will eat every bit of content related to petekao after this because writing this i already miss them and i can’t wait to watch our skyy tomorrow idk where but i will

i really really REALLY liked this drama and it’s one of the two bl dramas (not counting the untamed) i’ve given a full 10/10 rating on mdl because it’s THAT good

everything about this drama is just.. chef’s kiss i love it i will probably rewatch it when my plan to watch is empty but it’s a pretty long list so.. hopefully i’ll ignore that and just rewatch sjkfhslf

i’ll of course watch kiss and kiss me again just for the petekao, the squad and rain scrumbs because i’m sure that the petekao compilations don’t show everything

but yeah im just.. i love this show it’s been a rlly long time since i started writing this but i’m still happy because it’s so good and truly gave us a good happy ending and i swear i cannot emphasise enough how important good happy endings in lgbt media are!!!!!!!!!!

anygays im hungry and ready to submerge myself in the dbk tags, see u all tomorrow for my our skyy petekao episode version of this,,,,,

till then, stay safe ! bYE

[samclownchester]

Supernatural Rewatch 01x06

Skin

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode)

So we start out with Sam and Dean talking about Sam’s attempts at maintaining contact with his college friends.

Dean: So you lie to them? Sam: No, I just don’t tell them everything Dean: Yeah, that’s called lying.

Interesting … considering how Dean reacts to being lied to in later seasons, it is interesting to note that he kind of has this black and white view of it while Sam is more comfortable telling people what they are comfortable hearing (look back at 01x01 and their different reactions to their dad letting them know about monsters at a very early age) Dean doesn’t like half-truths, even for other’s protections. (Not that he never lies throughout the series, this is another good idea for analysis)

Sam: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? You’re serious? Dean: Look it sucks but, a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

This episode we get to see more of Sam’s focus on people he cares about.

Did Sam really just ask his friend Becky to make them sandwiches?? Wow. (I know that this was to get her out of the room, but this was before “make me a sandwich” became such a big meme. It’s extra funny that they do it again in season 15 (When Deans asks the woman to leave so he can confront the Djinn) but they’re much more self-aware about it)

Dean: “One thing I learned from Dad, not matter what kind of shapeshifter it is, there is one sure way to kill it”

Sam: “silver bullet to the heart”

So they have dealt with Shapeshifters before, or at least Dean has. But maybe it was a different kind? One that didn’t shed the way this one does?

 Dean: I hate to say it, but this is exactly what I’m talking about. You lie to your friends because if they knew the real you, they’d be freaked. 

(file under – the queer coding of Sam Winchester)

Ok, I don’t know how much we can rely on the Shifter’s words about how Dean feels but, assuming we can;

Shifter!Dean: You got to go to college … I had to stay home with Dad, you don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me, where the hell where you? … deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends; you could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak, and sooner or later everybody’s gonna leave me.  … You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me too and he left me too. No explanation, nothing just – left me with your sorry ass.

 So, this tells us that Dean did have dreams of his own, that he’s thought about a life away from hunting (contrary to what he tells Lilith in Season 15). It’s also interesting because we usually see the word “freak” applied to Sam, when he realizes he’s psychic, when he gets addicted to demon blood, later when he is defending Jack. But here we see that Dean feels like a freak in his own way. He knows that he can never have a normal life, never be seen as normal by other people, so he doesn’t even try. Sam tries to have friends, tries to give them the portions of himself that they can handle, but Dean knows nobody in the normal world will be able to understand him – how he grew up, what he’s been through – so he doesn’t let anyone get too close.

In 15x07 we learn that Dean did have friends in his 20’s. Hunter friends, but still friends. He hunted with Lee while Sam was in college. So why do we never hear about him? Why doesn’t Dean call him up sometimes, or fondly remember him? (well, realistically because the writers didn’t invent Lee until they wrote season 15) But, there’s a canon reason too. Dean mentions that he thought Lee had died by the time he sees him in 2020. He obviously cared about Lee, enjoyed spending time with him, but he didn’t make the effort to stay in contact, to find out if his friend had lived or died, most likely because he was afraid of losing him. It’s easier to walk away from people than have them walk away from you. In this episode (1x06) we see Dean chooses to stay disconnected from people around him.

Sam needs people, so he adjusts himself to their expectations and their comfort, but Dean would rather have no connection than a partial one, or one that will inevitably end in hurt.

“you mean like a Vulcan mind meld?” (Ok, so Dean canonically watched Star Trek, at least enough to immediately think of this reference. good to know. For reasons) “maybe he needs to keep us alive, for the psychic connection” (Ok, maybe never mind about the shapeshifter in season 13, I don’t know if she would be able to get the thoughts of the deceased loved ones. )

 “maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else.”

Ok, so this line is said by the shifter, as Dean, about the shifter, but I want to talk about how it applies to Sam. Sam Winchester is born human, but he has demon blood. We learn in season 8 that, although he didn’t know about the demon blood or about his psychic abilities until his 20’s, as a child he felt that he was “not clean.” Not only is raised to fight and kill monsters, very unlike a normal kid, he also has this intrinsic sense of … wrongness. Additionally, he has never been encouraged by his father to be himself or to pursue his own interests. He likely doesn’t believe that anything about who he is  is good or worth anything. So, he learns to be something else. He goes to college and tries to leave his entire life behind him. He doesn’t open up about his real life to anyone, not even his girlfriend. He tries to adapt. Fit in, even though he doesn’t fit. Then he goes hunting with Dean, but he won’t tell Dean about his visions, he doesn’t open up to him. He dutifully plays the role of little brother, and hides anything that could cause Dean worry or pain. We see this repeat throughout the seasons, Sam adapting, tucking away parts of himself, letting go of his opinions, his views on things, letting Dean be right. The one time when he doesn’t do this is with Jack. He sees himself in Jack, a scared little boy who is so afraid of being evil, and he can’t watch what happened to him happen to somebody else. He has to step in, speak up on Jack’s behalf. He CAN’T tuck his feelings away this time, because it’s not himself on the line. He doesn’t often stand up for himself, but he will stand up for other people.

 Shifter: All alone, close to no one. All he wants is somebody to love him. He’s like me

Rebecca’s eyes: *THE F*** IS THIS GUY SERIOUS*

SAME Rebecca SAME

EUGH I forgot how gross shifting was.

Ok, well Dean is officially a wanted man. Wow, to go from a few torture/murders to attempting to assassinate the president. He really has beefed up his resume.

The Samulet!! Weird that the shifter took that from Dean and wasn’t able to replicate it … O.O That’s such a good little detail to let us know that it’s important.

Oh, so now Rebecca knows the truth about Sam.

Rebecca: “Will you call us sometime?” Sam: “It might not be for a little while.”

(and she was never heard from again … I imagine because Sam started to realize that Dean was right. It’s easier to stay away from connections. This is also probably a part of his growing guilt, and fear that anyone close to him will be hurt. It is interesting to think … now that she knows the truth and the fake version of him no longer exists in her mind, he doesn’t try to maintain the relationship?)

 DEAN: Sorry, man.

SAM: About what?

DEAN: I really wish things could be different, you know? I wish you could just be….Joe College.

SAM: No, that’s okay. You know, the truth is, even at Stanford, deep down, I never really fit in.

DEAN: Well, that’s ‘cause you’re a freak.

SAM: Yeah, thanks.

DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.)

SAM: Yeah, I know you are.

 I know Dean means this as a playful joke, but it’s the first time we see Sam being referred to as “a freak” which will occur much more after this.

[vvivacious101]

Re-rewatching S05E10 - Abandon All Hope

This episode has to be the most appropriately named episode of all times. Abandon all hope, indeed. There one play this entire season has been to find the Colt and kill the Devil, well they got the Colt but killing the Devil, that is not going to be this easy. This is the lowest point in the story where they have lost all hope and now they need to come up with another idea to battle the apocalypse. I keep wanting to say that they can only go up from here but that is simply not true. I feel like the hopelessness this episode perpetuates is going to permeate all the remaining episodes, it is only in the last few episodes that they find another way of beating the apocalypse until then it is Haplessness Central. But surprisingly for the amount of hope it destroys there are so many new elements that are introduced in this episode. We finally meet Crowley. Crowley is so great watching this episode made me miss him so much. He is so snarky.

Sam: It's Crowley, right?

Crowley: So, the Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough.

Crowley: [pointing the Colt at Dean] I want you, to take this thing to Lucifer, and empty it into his face.

Dean: Uh-huh. Okay, and why, exactly would *you* want the Devil dead?

Crowley: [putting the Colt down] It's called survival. But I forgot, you two at best are functional morons.

Dean: Yeah, you're functioning morons... more. 

and my most favourite one ever -

Dean: Uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kinda signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the Devil and lose?

Crowley: Number one, he's gonna wipe us all out anyway, two, after you leave here I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere, and three, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T MISS, OKAY? MORONS!

God, I miss him and all his moose and squirrel jokes. How could I have ever forgotten? I came across a poll about 'which character you would want to return to Supernatural in Season 15' and like Crowley had won the poll. So, I started thinking about it and I realised that is what I would want as well, more than anything. I can’t help but mention that Meg already knows Crowley and given their future relationship, I loved seeing the sparks so early in that journey. Of course, this episode also marks the deaths of Jo and Ellen and overall that scene was very well done. I have always enjoyed Ellen, and Ash (who they killed way back in like Season 2), but I was pretty ambivalent towards Jo but still I hated to see her go like that and they did a really good job with the scene because you take the tension from that scene to the failed attempt at Lucifer and it adds to that swirling mix of hopelessness and helplessness. I didn’t like the scene where Dean hits on Jo because it comes across as so awkward and embarrassing to me, but maybe that’s intentional. Now let’s talk Cas. Cas meets a lot of people he is going to have very interesting relationships with, in order, they are Crowley, Meg and Lucifer. Cas, Crowley, Meg and Lucifer is the recipe for seasons 7 & 8, so you know what I’m talking about. Cas and Crowley don’t meet each other in this one but man, future partners-in-crime. I can’t wait to see more of these two and even more than there season 6 dynamic, I’m talking about the later seasons. Cas and Meg are complicated for me. I love Cas and I really like Meg and I get how they fit together but I don’t understand why the show is so fixated on Megstiel to the point that Megstiel is something Dean actually utters on the show. They have this twisted chemistry, it’s there I can’t deny it but I still don’t understand how or why they make sense to the showrunners. Especially when you have Dean. Cas and Lucifer is a long and varied story. These two have a long long history. Just for reference, Lucifer has killed Cas twice and Lucifer’s son is Cas’ son. Also, at one point they shared a vessel. Cas and Lucifer are often aligned together by the other angels as mentioned by Zachariah in 5x01 - Sympathy for the Devil. They are both seen as problematic, angels who rebelled against Heaven but they are on two completely different sides of the equation. Cas rebelled because he loves humanity and well Lucifer rebelled for the exact opposite reason and that’s the difference between these two. Even though Heaven can’t tell the difference, we know. Cas and Lucifer got me thinking about Cas and the other archangels. Cas has to be the one angel who has come under the radar of all four archangels (of this Earth, we are not talking about AU!Michael, yet). Paradoxically, the next archangel I think Cas has the most varied relationship with is Raphael. Raphael and Cas are going to totally go at it in season 6 but just for reference Rapahel kills Cas the very first time and Cas repays the favour. The entire story of Season 6 is about a civil war in Heaven with these two being the heavy-weights of that challenge. Raphael and Cas also seem to know each other well but considering Raphael has killed Cas before there first ever interaction on screen I guess he better well know him. Cas and Gabriel are the only ones who have a somewhat warm relationship. It is weird but there is a dream sequence in some season where Cas imagines that Gabriel is alive and he is so happy about it but there is no context in the show as to how their relationship became that way. They do have a warm relationship considering the first time they meet Gabriel gags and binds him and then subsequently abducts him. I love how all the archangels have tried to get rid of Cas but he is the last one standing. Michael and Cas have to be my favourite personally. In season 15, I came to realise, unlike the other archangels Cas and Michael don’t have any relationship whatsoever. This is the extent of their relationship.

That digression out of the way. We can come back to season 5 and abandoning all hope as Lucifer says -

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 1x04 Murphy’s Law

I’m a new fan of The 100, who first binged it last year, August to November. This is my first full rewatch of the show. I was planning to start it anyway and finish it before the season 6 premiere on April 30, and when I saw that Fox Serbia was airing a rerun (Monday to Friday, 40 min. after midnight, with repeats the next day), starting on 1st February, it was a great opportunity to start my rewatch in HDTV on my beautiful new TV. I decided to do write-ups and tag other fans on SpoilerTV website, as I did when I was first watching the show. But my posts turned into full blown essays. So, finally, after over a week, I’ve realized: Why don’t I post them on my Tumblr blog, too? I’ll copy my write-ups of the first 7 episodes, and then I’ll post my rewatch posts after I watch each episode. (The next one, 1x08, is on Monday’Tuesday.)

Spoilers below for all 5 seasons of the show. I go of on a tangents and make a lot of references to future events.

Rating: 7/10

The first 3 episodes took place over something like a day or two, This one happens a week later. Which is a way to avoid having to show Clarke's immediate reaction to Wells' death, and to have to spend a lot of screentime on her mourning, because most of it took place off-screen (we just see her at his grave, and later talking to Finn about him and how good he was to her while they were growing up). At least Finn got an entire episode, even though it lasted just about a day in-universe. This is something that TV shows like to do - have the characters mourn for an episode or a few scenes for a dead character and then never have them mention that person again. Well, at least they did have Wells' father see apparitions of his son multiple times and mention him several times, including when he was dying.

This episode instead isn't at all about Wells, but starts with the Delinquents learning that he wasn't killed by the Grounders and that it was instead one of them, using Murphy's knife. The title of this episode, Murphy's Law, aside from being a pun, also describes the chain of events not just in this episode, but the show in general: everything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong. This a really good episode right until the last 5 minutes or so. The interactions between Clarke, Bellamy and Murphy are really interesting. Murphy is at this point at his peak obnoxiousness. He's basically acting in the textbook "How to make enemies and alienate people" way. In the first couple of episodes, he was only antagonistic towards Wells, but now he's using his position as Bellamy's sidekick to bully other Delinquents for no reason at all, to try to make himself feel bigger, out of his own envy and hate and resentment, and his inferiority complex. To use a Buffy reference, if Murphy was a high school Mean Girl, he wouldn't be "Queen C" Cordelia Chase, he would be one of the Cordettes - people who latch onto someone more powerful and popular (in this case, Bellamy) and then bully others through that newfound 'power'. The infamous scene where he urinates on another Delinquent happens when he's overseeing the work (the Delinquents are building a wall to have a defense against a possible Grounder attack, since they still have almost no weapons) after he's first mocked that guy for not working hard enough (implying 12 year old Charlotte would work harder), and then mocked him when he said he needed water, but then Bellamy told Murphy to go and get him water. And that's probably why Murphy then urinated on the guy, he couldn't take it when Bellamy took the guy's side, so to speak, and cut down his position of power (or what Murphy sees as such) by sending him to fetch water. Hey, look, here's Manny Jacinto as one of the boys bullied by Murphy. Of course I didn't notice him before, he appears for like a second. Even with knowing Murphy's later development, there's no two ways about it, he was a total dick at this point. Which makes the situation more ambiguous when he's blamed and almost lynched for something he didn't actually do - Wells' murder - though he had threatened to do it, and together with Clarke jumping to conclusions and accusing him of it, because Wells was murdered by Murphy's knife, and the fact that most Delinquents obviously really dislike Murphy at this point (no surprise) leads to that result. What happens to him is wrong, and someone should have apologized for it. But that doesn't excuse him at all for what he does next, trying to make people kill Charlotte instead, after she has confessed, and then, after realizing no one is supporting him, doing his best to kill her, including threatening Clarke's life at one point. I wouldn't think this needed to be pointed out, but I've seen some people in comments to YouTube reaction videos to this episode actually, in all seriousness, argue that he was right and that Charlotte should have been killed. WTF? What's wrong with people that they don't get the whole being 12 year old thing? I know that USA has the weird habit of putting minors on trial as adults, but even then, I'm pretty sure even US legal system doesn't go that far to execute 12 year olds. At which point did the writers and viewers decide that Clarke was "the Head" and Bellamy "the Heart" (which the show made explicit in the season 4 finale, and then overturned in season 5)? I've always felt that was a huge oversimplification and I'm generally not too fond of it. Season 1 Clarke was pretty impulsive in some situations, especially in this episode (it was her best friend who was murdered, after all), immediately deciding that Murphy is the killer and should be punished, while Bellamy argued that this would be a bad idea, because it would create unrest and make the Delinquents turn on each other, and that it was better for them to keep thinking it was the Grounders who did it. Which was maybe cynical, but pragmatic and rational. (BTW, I don't think Bellamy made a connection that Charlotte was the killer - he probably forgot about giving her Murphy's knife or thought someone else took it, but in any case, I don't think it would have occurred to him that she would do it.) Then Clarke actually confronts Murphy angrily in front of everyone, which causes the avalanche of disastrous events, as the boy that Murphy bullied earlier and a bunch of others immediately decide to hang Murphy and ask Bellamy to do it. 

Clarke had a lot of moral certainly at this point (which will be eroded slowly over the course of the show) but sometimes it was a bit too straightforward (she didn't stop to think how people will react - you could say, she didn't know her audience that well as Bellamy did), and here she realized that things weren't that simple - she wanted to get some kind of justice, but didn't want Murphy killed, and seeing what she had caused, she admits to Bellamy "I was wrong earlier, you were right". 

But where Bellamy goes really wrong in 1x04 is decide to "give people what they want" - in this case, a culprit they want and his death. It's one of his biggest mistakes in S1 and one that will come to bite him in the a.$s, especially at the end of the season when Murphy starts his revenge spree, which will be directed at the guys who first wanted to hang him, but most of all at Bellamy himself. And Bellamy will learn his lesson, an opposite one from Clarke, that you need to do the right thing and not just give the crowd what they want (in 1x12 he tells Clarke "Crowds make bad decisions, just ask Murphy").

The moment when Bellamy goes ballistic and starts acting on pure emotion - and tries to kill Murphy immediately - is later after Charlotte commits suicide, due largely to Murphy's pressure - because of course he would react like that to her death. Guess what, Finn acting decently (actually decently, not just on the surface) didn't last. We find out he was exploring woods by his own and found an old shelter, but he didn't tell anyone. Instead, he gives Clarke a pencil to impress her (right after she's told him about how Wells used to give her stuff when they were growing up, and that she didn't realize at the time that he was denying himself things to give them to her... hmmm). Later he reveals the shelter to Clarke when they need to hide Charlotte from Murphy and his gang. Clarke asks why he hasn't told anyone, and immediately thinks about how they could use things, but Finn tries to justify himself, saying that the food has all expired and there are no weapons, and besides, if he had told everyone, then they couldn't use the shelter now that they need it. So how does that work - he foresaw they would need to hide someone from the rest of the Delinquents?? Or he was just waiting for a chance to use that shelter to show it to Clarke and just Clarke, impress her and show her how good he is to her and how much she needs him? Am I being too harsh on Finn? He does some good things in this episode, like do his best to stop the crowd from hanging Murphy. But still... I never liked him much, my perspective on him is different now, after I have seen season 2 Finn with his "I killed all those people for you, Clarke!" thing, At the time I first watched this, I assumed that Finn was meant to be likable, but that the combination of bad writing and bad acting made him unlikable. I didn't know what it was about Finn that rubbed me the wrong way or that didn't resonate with me. But now I see more and more reasons to dislike him, and I think that his character is more consistent than I initially thought, but that he was never meant to be a really great guy, and that his romance with Clarke was just supposed to create drama and angst rather than be a great ship people would root for. (The whole thing with Raven really shows that.) Maybe I was too harsh on Thomas McDonell, though. He wasn't as good as some other cast members, but he's not that bad, now I have Tasya Teles' acting to compare it with. (I'm sure Tasya is a nice person, but she just can't act.) It's kind of funny that the climax of this episode is focused on Clarke and Bellamy being shocked at Charlotte's death in such a way that it seems like their child just died, and then arguing about leadership (it's already pretty clear that the two of them are those who decide on most things), as Finn just looks on. This may be the crucial moment where their co-leadership begins. Clarke argues "We don't decide who lives and who dies". It's so ironic that she will later during the show be expected and asked to decide just that, more than once. Meanwhile, on the Ark, we get to meet a couple of new characters - Kane's mother, a preacher, who'll be around for a couple of episodes, and Nigel, a woman at the Mecha station who runs a black market, and who, I think, won't ever appear again. But she gets Abby arrested by Kane, and also, through her, we get to learn more about Raven's backstory - that her mother was an alcoholic and that she used to prostitute herself to get stuff. Life on the Ark, especially those of lower classes, seems so freaking wonderful... The last few minutes of this episode initially annoyed me a lot, because it seemed like a return to the cheesy teen soapy bullcrap of the first couple of episodes. The love triangle was set up - Raven takes the pod by herself, since Abby can't go, and is arriving to Earth, while we get a confirmation that Finn is the boyfriend she wants to save - just as Finn and Clarke end up kissing and having sex for the first time. Now that I know and love how this triangle is eventually resolved, I don't hate this so much, but this scene is still really cheesy and feels like the classic TV insta-romance. And it's not just that, I also hated the scene where Octavia kisses Jasper, after praising his courage (for "standing up to a bully" -? I still have no idea what she was referring to, it's always confused me) and telling him that heroism gets rewarded. Ugh. And then Monty gives him a high-five. One of the things I hate the most in fictional romance is when romance/sex is portrayed as a reward that someone - usually a female - gives another person - usually a male, for performing heroic deeds. Gross. I'm so relieved, because of that, that the Jasper/Octavia ship went nowhere, even though I wasn't a big fan of how her romance with Lincoln was portrayed in S1, either.

[lobsters-on-their-heads]

OB Rewatch: The Stigmata of Progress

Don’t forget - These reviews always contain spoilers for the entire series!

“We are definitely related!”

I loved

“You don't get to decide what bothers you or not. That's why it bothers you.” THANK YOU! I’ve been saying that for years.

“My sister has a robot maggot in her face...” Alison's come a long way from telling Sarah to hide her ugly face on the way out.

Adele. Oh. My. God. The accent, the mannerisms, the whole question-answer with Felix (Who hasn't had sex for material gain, HA!) the assumptions, the way Lauren Hammersley chews on the scenery in every scene she's in...

Sarah: “How high are you?”   Felix, thinking: “Quite, if I had to put a number on it.”

Poor, sweet Helena - “I don't want them to grow up like me...”

Rachel bonding with Charlotte. Even though Rachel's partially using Charlotte as a door to the outside world, she cares about her. When Charlotte coughs up blood, Rachel calls her “darling,” and is immediately concerned.

The entire exchange of the Hendrix's telling Cosima that they (A) killed Leekie and buried him in the garage, and (B) have a worm thing that might help Sarah. Plus, I love the warm-yet-shadowy lighting and colors for both of them. 

How quickly Sarah slipped into Beth's accent once the dental assistant said Beth's name, but it's not as good as it used to be. You can still hear Sarah peaking through. 

I liked

Oh, hi, Rachel. I'm glad we're spending more time with you in a sympathetic way. I kind of forgot about you for a while with the whole Beth Childs, robot worm thing.

“You're a pale shade of Castor, aren't you?”

Charlotte, being a cute little know-it-all.

That Rachel told Susan Duncan to go to hell. Susan’s up there with Coady as Shit Mother of the Year.

The eye contact between Alison and Donnie as Alison asks Cosima if she needs a Neolution worm bot.

Kira being a brat. I mean, really, this poor kid has been through so much, with little to no explanation, at a young age. She doesn't understand who Neolution is, or who Castor are, or why they had to leave Iceland, or why people don't just tell her the truth about what's happening. Her mom comes and goes with no predictability, and sometimes when she comes home she yanks on Kira’s cheek until it hurts. PLUS, as we find out later, she has all of the clones' feelings bouncing around inside her 8-year-old head. Of course she's acting out.

Felix telling Sarah No, still. He's earned it.

Donnie joking with Helena. “Sometimes your kinda help is the kind that's needed, you know what I mean?”

Oh, hey, Oscar! You're still around. Too bad all they let you do is watch TV these days.

God, everything Helena says. “Doorbellings, I have to go.” “Hello, husband Donald.”

The trademarked Helena scree-scraw as she let the detectives in the house.

“Christ on a crabcake!”

“She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not gonna let it slide!”

I disliked

Fucking Susan Duncan, man. I know, I'm supposed to dislike her, but she's such a bitch, and she's written as the kind of abusive, neglectful parent who's actually real in the world, unlike, say, a baddie like Westmoreland. Susan says shit like “I should think you'd be grateful” and “I have given you everything” after ALL the shit she's done to Rachel, and everything she's taken from and denied her. And then casually dropping all that information about Charlotte being cloned from Rachel, and how there were 400 attempts, and then goes and whines about “I never knew how to connect with you...”

Other notes

There's a theme this season of scenes opening from the inside of the fridge as Tatiana opens the door.

I am, however, a little surprised that the Hendrixes have hot sauce. They don't seem to be that, um, spicey.

Stocking the food for Helena's kitchen scene must've been fun, though. Apparently the blue jello was a fan suggestion.

Detective Collier, I think, is also seen interacting with Art in some scenes, but here he's out in Scarborough, which I would think is a totally different jurisdiction than Art's. Except, oh, right, Neolution sent him.

“All the aunties were there. You set mom on fire.” - Like all visions, this one doesn't exactly match with reality, but I do think it refers to Kendall's ultimate demise and cremation. Kendall = all the aunties, after all. 

It really does say a lot about Helena's state of constant vigilance and the strength of her memory that she learned and remembered the names of everyone who helped with Alison's campaign (except, oddly, Felix, but maybe she just didn't want to say his name to the police).

I have questions

Why isn't Charlotte wearing all white like everyone else in her household?

Sarah and Felix consistently refer to Siobhan as their “foster mother,” although it seems Siobhan legally adopted them both before puberty. It's fine that they don't call her “Mum” more often – that's an emotionally loaded word, but why don't they call her their “adopted” mother, since there’s a definite legal distinction? Also, they were so young when she took them in, it's pretty odd that they themselves distance her that way, when all signs point to her being supportive and present. It just leaves me with SO MANY questions about their childhoods and teen / early adult years.

This isn't specific to this episode, but are the Castor boys younger than the Leda girls? If Rachel was around 6 - 8 (I think) when she left the Duncans, and Ira was 4 when Susan took him in (more on that later), I assume Castor was done later. 

I would’ve liked to have seen

More Rachel and Charlotte interactions. 

[buruuhan]

Buruu Talks - Ryomaden Episodes 29-48

Finally I get to watch the rest of this drama. It took me so long lmao. I can’t believe I’m actually saying it, but the third season got me hyped the most. This season mainly covers Ryouma and Kameyama Shachuu’s involvement in Satsuma-Choushuu Alliance (I’ll shorten it into KameSha afterwards). At first, I kind thought I won’t understand the business talks in it because according to what I read KameSha (later Kaientai) was the first private trading company in Japan (correct me if I’m wrong).

Turns out it becomes my favorite part of the whole series.

I also drew some doodles and they are included because I lowkey wanna show them lol.

As I mentioned above, this season mainly tells about Satsuma-Choushuu Alliance formed by Ryouma. So, in the real history, these two domains indeed were in a dispute and then there was this Tosa man mediating them to fight side by side against Bakufu. Throughout this part, Choushuu (that had a handful of Joui patriots in it) was cornered by Bakufu while Satsuma were caught in dilemma whether they side with Bakufu (with the risk of being basically used by them) or not (with the risk of getting destroyed for rebelling against them).

Once again, sorry for the terrible wording here 😅

Then, Ryouma advised that making an alliance between the two domains would be the only way to save both. I love how the writer gave some conflicts during the alliance formation and their resolution afterwards, such as Satsuma sending weapons and ship (I think?) to Choushuu as “apology gift” after Saigou Takamori was forced to go straight to the capital instead of Shimonoseki (Choushuu; Katsura Kogorou was waiting there for a meeting between him and Saigou) due to a Bakufu spy sneaking into his ship. Of course, Ryouma saw this chance and offered himself along with KameSha to bring said gift to Choushuu. I personally think this is neat.

Finally, KameSha managed to get their job done.

With the cost of Choujirou’s life, unfortunately. In episode 34, he and the other KameSha members got into a heated argument whether they need to fund themselves during work. He then attempted to go to Britain, KameSha’s activity was exposed to the magistracy, and he ended up committing seppuku alone.

This is what crossed my mind during said argument (which isn’t supposed to be taken seriously). Funding KameSha while they had to protect Japan might be indeed selfish, but I honestly think he got a point. This is the second time he was referred as “fake samurai” as he originally came from a merchant family.

Things happened afterwards and the alliance was finally formed. I can’t forget this particular scene in Bakan where Takasugi Shinsaku walked, playing shamisen, casually like nothing happened although there was a war around him.

The third season ends with Ryouma and Oryou’s marriage after Teradaya Incident and followed by their journey to Mt. Takachiho (which is said to be Japan’s first honeymoon). Their relationship is so cute here as well as in the final season. The moments where Miyoshi thought he was third-wheeling the couple are also hilarious. Ryouma-Oryou-Miyoshi instantly became my new favorite trio and I love the dynamic between them.

I mean, look at this lovely couple 🥺

Okay, now to the final season. Honestly I’ve only heard more of Tosa’s involvement to overthrow the Bakufu in this drama (aside from Ryouma, Hanpeita, and Izou) so I was like “Ooh, I kind of not understand it” and it was a bit hard to follow until Ryouma proposed eight points that were said to become a basis to (recent) Japanese government. He succeeded in the second to last episode, basically putting the end to the Bakufu that lasted for about 250 years.

Unfortunately, in the final episode, Ryouma didn’t get to see the entire result of his effort as he was assassinated in November 15th, 1867 (Japanese calendar) along with Nakaoka Shintarou who happened to visit him. The talk about Ryouma’s dream to go around the world with his family by a ship, as well as Nakaoka’s line about him being unable to swim just before they were attacked was pretty heartbreaking as Ryouma said to him afterwards, “Even if you can’t swim, I’ll make sure my ship won’t sink.”

For some reason, I saw it like a metaphor; the ship parallels Ryouma and Nakaoka’s life and the moment it sinks mirrors their assassination which eventually put an end to their journey.

Dang, the writer really had nerve to make such scenario huh.

More heartbreaking moments imo: 1) Yatarou who had been hating Ryouma but at the end he believed in him and didn’t want him to get killed, especially after I saw a scene in episode 44 where Yatarou yelled at Ryouma that he only brought misfortune to him; and 2) Oryou saying umi at Katsurahama Beach, seen with Otome and Gonpei (Ryouma’s older siblings).

(From episode 44, I forgot Yatarou no longer had the sakayaki lol)

(I haven’t made a completed fanart of Ryomaden that includes actual coloring and shading but so far this is my fav)

Alright, this concludes my talk about Ryomaden and overall I’m really satisfied by the emotional storytelling and the BGMs are so good. I’m considering to rewatch it if I have time~ 🌊

Next, I’m watching Shinsengumi!. If I get to finish it, I might talk about it too, and maybe I want to try another Taiga Dramas set in Bakumatsu such as Hana Moyu or Yae no Sakura.

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #177

VOTE ON THE SEASON POLLS!

BTVS 6x22 Grave

Stray thoughts

1) Okay, where had we left off?

Oh, right, right, Ripper is back!

2) “Daddy’s home! I’m in wicked trouble now!” I’ve always thought the way Dark!Willow delivered this line hinted at a different meaning of “Daddy,” if you know what I’m saying…

3) 

WILLOW: But, hey, if you'd like to watch... I mean, that's what you Watchers are good at, right? Watching? Butting in on things that don't concern you? GILES: You concern me, Willow. Stay on this path and you'll wind up dead.

Okay, let me preface this by saying that, like probably everyone else in the fandom, I legit cheered when Giles showed up and took Dark!Willow down. And let me follow that by saying that if you’ve been reading my recaps/meta, I’m about to get just a tad bit repetitive. As awesome as Giles’s arrival was, I can’t help but feel it was too little, too late.  If there was one person who could’ve predicted – and who I fear actually knew – the path down which Willow was headed, it was without doubt Giles. Let’s not forget that Giles had been a rebellious teen himself who had found power in magic. He, too, had thought he was almighty and that he was in control of magic, not the other way around. We all remember where that got him (2x08 The Dark Age.) And I know what you’ll say: he wasn’t Willow’s father nor her watcher. Pardon my French, but that’s a bunch of bullshit. The fact that he wasn’t Willow’s father nor his watcher does not excuse the fact that he stood idly by as a responsible and experienced adult witnessing how a teenager was in over her head with magic. The fact is, Giles acted irresponsibly and carelessly. He knew. And yet, from season 2/3 till season 5, all he did was either sternly frown or mildly warn Willow of how dangerous the magic she was dealing with was. Come season 6, and yes, I cheered when he scolded her in Flooded. Yet, I can’t help but feel this was, again, too little, too late. A good old scolding is hardly a deterrent for a witch intoxicated with the power of magic. If anything, it’s the opposite. Moreover, Giles found himself speechless at Willow’s not-so-subtle threats. I can admit that, in spite of how similar his own experience was to Willow’s, he might have been ill-prepared to tutor her or guide her in the right path (but then again, he does end up doing exactly that in season 7, so there really wasn’t any reason for him not to do it before she went dark…) If that was the case, then Flooded was probably the moment he should’ve gone to the Council or the Coven or whoever was better prepared to help her. That is, he should’ve done it when he first saw signs of Willow’s darkness. Not when she had already gone over the edge. So, as much as I’ll always see his return in Two to Go as a moment of awesome, I can’t help but feel he failed Willow. Rant over. (but will be resumed, you’ve been warned...)

4) And this is also a moment of awesome…

5) Of course, it doesn’t last long…

6)  This moment is so sweet… 

BUFFY: What did you do? GILES: Contained her and her powers within a binding field. It puts her in a kind of... stasis for the time... You cut your hair.

Damn, I will end up giffing this entire episode, won’t I?

7)

GILES: Buffy, what's happened here? BUFFY: God. I don't even know where to start. GILES: Well, Willow's clearly been abusing the magicks.

But you already knew this, dude!!!! The day you left she had erased everyone’s memories, for fuck’s sake! It was as much of a problem then as it was now!

8) Back me up, shouldn’t this be written on the season 6 DVD back cover?

BUFFY: [Willow] was [abusing magic]... and I barely even noticed. (...) Xander left Anya at the altar, and Anya's a vengeance demon again... Dawn's a total klepto... money's been so tight that I've been slinging burgers at the Doublemeat Palace ... And I've been sleeping with Spike.

All written on this screenshot, of course.

Yes, it’s a super dark season, and everyone screws up and suffers and it’s all #pain, but when you condense it all like this, it’s so outrageously funny, isn’t it?

9) 

WILLOW: I need you, Anya. I need you to do something for me.

ANYA: I know what you're trying to do. And I hate to burst your bubble, but that mind control mojo doesn't work on vengeance demons, so why don't you just- WILLOW: Stop talking and listen. ANYA: Okay.

10) 

GILES Can you forgive me? BUFFY: For what? GILES: I should never have left. BUFFY: No. You were right to leave. We're just... stupid. GILES: I know you're all stupid. I should never have abandoned you.

 No, no, you really shouldn’t have, Rupert.

11) 

GILES: Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is... ask for help when you need it.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING, GILES?!!! WHAT WAS ALL OF THIS, THEN, IF NOT BUFFY ASKING YOU TO HELP HER?!!!!

6x04 Flooded

BUFFY: I'm glad you're back. GILES: Well, I'm glad you are too.

6x05 Life Serial

BUFFY: This is, this is great. This is more than great. I don't... really know how to say this... but it's a little like having Mom back.

6x07 Once More With Feeling

BUFFY: Oh. I thought you took care of that. GILES: Right. BUFFY:  What would I do without you?

6x08 Tabula Rasa

GILES: You have to be strong. I'm, I'm trying to- BUFFY: Trying to, to what?  Desert me? Abandon me? Leave me all alone when I really need somebody? GILES: I don't want to leave- BUFFY: So don't. Please don't. I can't do this without you. (...) So I won't! No giving up. You can be here, and I can still be strong.

Like, I get that it all sounds so wise and beautiful in the dawn of their reunion, but it seems as though the writers totally forgot the way Giles acted prior to his leaving. Buffy did ask for help in absolutely unequivocal terms. And Giles deliberately refused it. So it’s all fine and dandy with him being back and them laughing it all off. But the crux of the matter is Buffy needed him and he wasn’t there. What’s worse, he comes back and tells her: “you should’ve asked me to stay and help you.” Are you for real, dude?

12) 

BUFFY:  Part of me. I just... I don't understand... why I'm back. GILES: You have a calling. BUFFY: But it was my time, Giles. Someone would have taken my place. So why?

Someone had already taken her place, but for whatever reason (the reason being she’s the title character...) Buffy continued to be the “official” slayer. I get that they were most likely setting up the arc for season 7, with the question of why she was back (a question that she quite conveniently hadn’t asked herself until the season finale...) but can we please remember that the Slayer line runs through Faith now? 

13) Oh, look, Puppet Anya! 

Also, is this where Taylor Swift got her inspiration for Look What You Made Me Do?

[this]

14) Why are they still walking?

Like, I get that it wouldn’t make a difference, either way, considering Willow can teleport at will, but idk, I feel I’d still want to put as much distance as humanly possible between the person who wants to murder me and my precious self.

15) Oh, Xander, your pettiness is showing…

DAWN: Where are we going?

XANDER: I have no idea. DAWN: What? XANDER: I don't know, okay? I can't even run away well. And that's something I'm usually good at. DAWN: Maybe we should we go back and help. XANDER: Yeah, 'cause I've been such a big help already. Standing around like a monkey while Buffy gets shot. Tara's dead... and Willow... losing... DAWN: Well, feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping either, Xander, okay? You know, if Spike were here, he'd go back and fight.

XANDER: Sure, if he wasn't too busy trying to rape your sister.

DAWN: What?!

XANDER: Forget it.

DAWN: I don't believe you. XANDER: Fine. DAWN:  He wouldn't do that.

XANDER: Is this blind spot like a genetic trait with the Summers women? The only useful thing Spike ever did was finally leave town.

There are a number of reasons why I find Xander’s behavior problematic here. First and foremost, this was Buffy’s traumatic experience to tell, especially where her little sister is concerned. Buffy’s. No one else’s. Okay? Second of all, it’s easy to tell he’s only saying this to A) make himself look good compared to a would-be-rapist, which is setting the bar very, very low, Xan-Xan. B) destroying Dawn’s idealization of Spike (which I think was definitely needed, just not in this way.) Thirdly, he drops this hell of a bomb to a 15-year-old, btw, just because he’s being petty and then he’s all like “forget it.” And it’s easy to tell he’s talking to Dawn as if she were an equal to him and Buffy, which she is not. She is a 15-year-old! Why did he think he had any right to be discussing - with Dawn of all people! - what had happened to Buffy without her consent and, more importantly, in those terms?

16) Meanwhile… 

I’ve never found creepy-crawlers this sexy, tbh.

But as regards the plot, the writers were definitely trying to throw us off. Like, it has always puzzled me how there are people who still believe Spike was there to get his chip out and then the soul thing just happened to him. Granted, the lines seem to be hinting at that, and James’s delivery every time Spike refers to Buffy is full of spite and resentment. And it was definitely all written in a way that would lead us to believe he wanted the demons to get his chip out. But, like, that’s what a plot twist is? Literally? You think the plot is going one way, and then, boom, it goes in another way. And if you reread all of his lines knowing that he was actually there to get his soul back, it makes even more sense. Still, the fact that people still believe Spike was there to get rid of his chip is completely perplexing to me. But more on that later. 

17) 

WILLOW: Boy, you just don't get it, do you? Nothing can hurt me now. This? ...is nothing. It's all... nothing.

GILES: I see. If you lose someone you love... the other people in your life who care about you... become meaningless. I wonder what Tara would say about that.

OOOOH BURN!!!

18) How sad is it that Buffy left to save Dawn knowing that she was most likely leaving Giles to die?

19) Giles kind of hit Willow with his horrible breath, didn’t he?

20) Ok, so this… 

…was his plan all along. But like, he was banking on a lot of things going his way to make this work, right? Like, how did he know that when given the chance, Willow wouldn’t kill him before even considering taking his powers? And even if she did take his powers, how could he be sure she would react to those feelings with compassion? (which she didn’t…)

21) This moment, though. Alyson just kills it.

WILLOW: Wow. Whoa. Who's your supplier? This is... wow. It's incredible. I mean, I am so juiced... Giles, it's like... no... mortal person has... ever had... this much power. Ever. It's like I, I'm connected to everything... I can feel... it feels like... I... I can feel...

WILLOW: ...everyone. Oh. Oh my God. All the emotion. All the pain. No, it, it's too much. It's just too much.

22) Oh, Jonathan, what happened to “we will do our time”? 

I get it, they had served their purpose from a plot point of view. They were merely a device to pit the main characters against each other.

23) 

GILES: I know where Willow is. She's going to finish it. ANYA: Finish what? GILES: The world.

24) I love how subtle Dawn is about bringing up the whole Spike thing…

DAWN: This looks a little like Spike's place. You know, under his crypt. What are you doing?

BUFFY: If we can pull these out, we can use the coffins for height. Maybe get out of here!

DAWN: Maybe one of the tunnels Spike uses is around here. Uh, we could use it to get to his place.

25) Dawn, you’re damn right. 

BUFFY: That's the last place on Earth we need to be. DAWN:  Oh, but it was good enough for you to take me there after what he did to you.

BUFFY: What he... DAWN: Tried to do. Whatever. BUFFY: Xander. DAWN: So it's true? BUFFY: Dawn, you may not have noticed, we're in really big trouble here. This isn't- DAWN: Why did you not tell me? BUFFY: Because you didn't need to know. DAWN: Yes, I do. I need to know! I'm not a kid anymore. BUFFY: Dawn, I'm trying to protect you. DAWN: Well, you can't! Look around, Buffy. We're trapped in here! Willow's killing and people I love keep dying! And you cannot protect me from that.

26) How was it day already?

TV show daytime savings, I guess.

27) 

BUFFY: There's... no temple on Kingman's Bluff.

Well, there is now…

28) 

ANYA Something else Giles said. No magic or supernatural force can stop her. BUFFY: What does that mean? ANYA: Don't know. He, he said, "the Slayer can't stop her," and then he said a bunch of other stuff.

Get it? This is the other reason why Buffy couldn’t have been the one to stop Willow just by talking to her. It just had to be someone else, someone human. But not just anyone...

29) I don’t know why I get so emotional with this moment. Seriously. Tears in my eyes, you guys.

BUFFY: They just keep coming. I can't take them all.  Dawn. Will you help me?

DAWN: I got your back.

30) Anya always telling it like it is…

ANYA: Giles? Giles! Don't die. Not yet, there-there are things I wanna tell you. Thanks a lot for coming. It was good of you to teleport all this way. Though in retrospect, it probably would have been better if you hadn't come and given Willow all that magic that made her like ten times more powerful. That would have been a plus.

31) And then, the final confrontation… (I’m crying already…)

You see, she attacks Xander just once, and she instantly flinches with regret and pain. But more on this later…

32) Yet another moment of awesome…

DAWN: What? You think I never watched you?

33) So, let me share some of the highlights of Xander’s and Willow’s confrontation and then – after I’m done crying my heart out – I’ll offer some of my thoughts…

WILLOW: You can't stop this. XANDER: Yeah, I get that. It's just, where else am I gonna go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World gonna end... where else would I want to be? WILLOW: Is this the master plan? You're going to stop me by telling me you love me? XANDER: Well, I was going to walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but... it seemed kinda cartoony. WILLOW: Still making jokes. XANDER: I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. And I know you're about to do something apocalyptically evil and stupid, and hey. I still want to hang. You're Willow. WILLOW: Don't call me that. XANDER: First day of kindergarten. You cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion. But the thing is? Yeah. I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love ... scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I've earned that. WILLOW: You think I won't? XANDER: It doesn't matter. I'll still love you. WILLOW: Shut up.

XANDER: I love you.  I... love y-

WILLOW: Shut up!!

XANDER: I love you, Willow. WILLOW: Stop!

XANDER: I love you. WILLOW: Stop.

XANDER: I love you.

You see, this moment felt earned. This was a moment six seasons in the making. It just had to be Xander. There was no way around it. He was the only one who could get to her and break her defenses. He was probably the only one who could console her in the dawn of Tara’s death. The first interaction both of them had in the show was with each other. Long before Buffy, before vampires and hellmouths and werewolves and gay love and vengeance demons and magic and apocalypses, there were Willow and Xander, Xander and Willow. It is incredibly fitting, then, that come the end of either of them, the other should be right there by their side. I’m not diminishing Buffy and Willow’s friendship in any way. But Xander was the one who truly knew Willow best, and vice-versa. They knew each other since they were kids, and they were each other’s friends when probably no one else wanted to be. So the reason this moment feels so earned and overwhelmingly moving is because of the history. It’s the history we’ve witnessed since season 1, and the one prior to that, which we’ve been told and also pieced together. This moment has such a huge impact only because of the history between these two characters. Her love for her first and closest friend was the last spark of humanity left in her, you see?   Friendship love is the best kind of love. I’m so emotional right now.

34) Can you blame Dawn for asking this question, though?

DAWN: Wait, is... is that happy crying? BUFFY: Yes, dummy. You think I wanted the world to end? DAWN: I don't know. Didn't you?

35) 

BUFFY: Things have really sucked lately, but it's all gonna change. And I wanna be there when it does. I want to see my friends happy again. And I want to see you grow up. The woman you're gonna become. Because she's gonna be beautiful. And she's going to be powerful. I got it so wrong. I don't want to protect you from the world. I want to show it to you.

 And it also feels fitting that Buffy is finally overcoming her depression with the person who was the very reason she decided not to jump off the tower again at the beginning of the season.

36) But it’s not over yet… (and this is why I think it should be perfectly clear that Spike was in fact after his soul...)

DEMON VOICE: You have endured the required trials. SPIKE: Bloody right I have. So you'll give me what I want. Make me what I was. So Buffy can get what she deserves.

DEMON: Very well. We will return...your soul.

DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNN!

37) All in all, a great season finale unlike any of the others. And a pretty hopeful end to a rather dark season.