#i feel like a fake cas girl asking but i genuinely have a bad memory and tgeres too much supernatural and im not a fan of the later seasons

[casmilton]

i wonder is holy terror the only time cas calls himself cas? and if not is that the first time?

[mrvltwimagines]

The Article

SAM WINCHESTER X READER

SUMMARY: Your past may be in the past, but Sam still wants to know everything about you.

WARNINGS: Parental Abuse, Mention of Knives + Cutting

WORD COUNT: 2.2k

PROMPT: Could you write a Sam Winchester x reader to the prompt "oh god....what did they do to you?" 

You stared at yourself in the mirror. The bruises and cuts that used to be all over your body were merely just scars now, but you still felt the pain in them. You could still feel every slice of his knife. Against your stomach, your arms, your chest and legs. You could still feel the slaps she landed on your face, and the punches and kicks she planted everywhere else that was within reach.

You’d been a hunter with Sam and Dean for awhile now, the bunker being the home that the three of you shared happily. You met them only a few years into becoming a hunter, so compared to them you were a baby, even if you were only a few years younger than Sam. They’ve taught you so much. They’ve helped you gain confidence in your work, and confidence in yourself, but then came days like today where you wake up in a cold sweat and the memories rushing back to you like they had just happened.

You couldn’t take your eyes off of the full body mirror as you stood in front of it in only your underwear. Neither of the brothers have seen your scars, you’ve made sure of it. They didn’t know what your parents did to you before you were even fully understand the extent of how bad the things they did to you were. Hell, for all the brothers knew, your parents were dead. At least that’s what you told them to avoid the inevitable questions asking why you don’t see or speak to them. You glared at yourself, finally gaining the energy to turn away and slip your shirt and pants on, getting ready for the day.

Today was going to be tough. While you were thankful that the world isn’t too crazy at the moment, you wished Sam and Dean weren’t on a hunt, and that you and Sam could cuddle up on the couch to watch a movie and distract your mind. You loved both of the brothers more than you’ve ever loved anyone, but there’s always been something more between you and Sam. You both never talked about it, but simply enjoyed the time you got to spend with each other knowing that there was nobody in either one of your lives that you cared for more.

Walking out of your room and towards the kitchen, you were startled to hear the clanking of pots filling the empty space. Did they come home early? Was there somehow an intruder? Without thinking much of it, you simply just walked into the kitchen and found Castiel filling a kettle with water before turning around towards you and setting it on one of the stove burners.

“Good morning, y/n - sorry if I woke you!” He exclaimed, not even a bit jumpy at you showing up out of nowhere while he was so clearly distracted.

“Morning Cas, don’t worry about it, I was already awake,” you retorted, grabbing the laptop off of the counter and settling yourself into one of the chairs around the table.

“Are you feeling alright? It’s only 8am and you usually sleep in until at least noon. Are you sick?” He asks. By the look on his face you could tell he was genuinely curious and concerned, no hint of mocking in his tone. It is true that you usually sleep in quite late, your nightmares just weren’t up for that today.

“M’fine, just couldn’t sleep well so I figured I might as well get up,” you sighed, shrugging your shoulders and opening the laptop. You froze once your eyes zoned in on the picture in front of you. There you were, a mere fifteen year old squished in-between your parents, all three of you showing your very realistic fake smiles. You could remember this day like it was yesterday; your mom always insisted on taking holiday photos to send out to the family around Christmas time. She loved acting like she was a perfect mother, but you just remember being slapped around after she got her picture because she thought you had too much attitude.

“Y/n? Did you just hear anything I said?” Cas spoke up, interrupting your thoughts and pulling your attention away from the computer.

“No, yeah, sorry cas, what were you saying?”

“I was saying that I think Sam and Dean will be home today. Apparently Garth and a new guy made it to the scene before them, so they let them handle the case.”

You nodded letting him know you heard him, but your mind was going crazy and your eyesight instantly went back to the article in front of you.

“Parents of fifteen year old girl sentenced to 25 years in prison” and the article went on to list everything you testified against them for. You were humiliated that one of the boys were reading this, or even just the fact that they now knew this happened to you. You didn’t know what to do or how to react, so you simply closed the computer and made your way back to your room, not even thinking to say anything to Cas. The second your door closed, the second your pacing began. Who read the article? It had to be Sam. Dean was never too intuitive and gladly took your answer that your parents died as a final answer. Why was he searching about me to begin with? Did I tip him off about something? Is he going to bring this up to me? Am I going to have to talk about this again?

You fell back first onto your bed, allowing yourself to try and take deep breaths while you stared up at the ceiling. You always thought that the answer “they’re dead” when anyone asked you about your parents would’ve been enough, but maybe it wasn’t? Maybe the way you said it made Sam question that answer? You wanted to be sucked up in a hole, the scars on your body seemingly burning at the thought of having to talk about how they were placed there. You knew other people went through what you’ve gone through. Of course your parents aren’t the only abusive parents in the world, but they left you for dead. The beat you and cut you. They hurt you in every way and then just.... left. They didn’t care what happened to you after that last session. You were lucky that your neighbor even stopped by that same day to see you passed out on the living room floor. If it hadn’t been for her, you weren’t too sure that you would be where you are right now - alive.

A knock on your door startled you out of your thoughts, a soothing voice floating through, “y/n, are you alright?” It was cas. You wouldn’t doubt that he knows what happened to you, considering he was a literal angel, but he never made it obvious if he does. What he does make obvious is that he can pick up on your moods and that he knows when somethings wrong.

“I’m fine cas, just need to lay down for a bit,” you called out. You could sense him hesitate before a distant thud was sounded throughout the bunker. You knew that sound to be the door leading from the garage, and your dread began to turn into panic sweats. The sound of Cas’ footsteps furthered themselves, and you quickly got up to ensure your door was locked.

Considering the laptop had been sitting where it was for a few days when Sam and Dean had left originally, you didn’t know whether Sam had been thinking about it the entire time he was gone. Maybe he had forgotten and wasn’t going to bring it up, but you didn’t want him barging in when you were feeling as self conscious as you were right now. No matter what, you felt exposed, like you weren’t even wearing any clothes to begin with.

“Y/n are you in there? We’re back from the hunt,” it was Sam at your door this time. Your hands instinctively went to unlock your door out of habit of hearing his voice. Even when you were trying to avoid him, you physically couldn’t. You opened the door up enough to see his face, and enough for him to see yours. He offered you a slight smile, but you knew he had a lot to say by the way his eyes danced across your face and even willingly looking down towards your body. Was he thinking about what happened to you right this second? Was he envisioning what your body probably looks like thanks to the detailed article that he had read beforehand.

“Welcome back, how was it?” You offered up, bringing his attention back to your face that was glowing pink as the heat rushed throughout your body.

“Didn’t do much, Garth had beaten us to it, and honestly I just wanted to come back home,” he shrugged.

“Oh yeah? Why?” You asked. The second you did, you felt stupid. You knew why he wanted to come home.

“Can I come in? I mean, I don’t mind talking to what looks like a floating head, but I’d rather be comfortable sitting on your bed while having a full blown conversation,” he joked, pushing his hands into his pockets. Your mind blanked for a second before you slowly nodded, backing up to open the door up enough to let him in, and then closing it right after. He made himself comfortable, taking his shoes off before placing himself on your bed with his back rested against the headboard.

“I know what you want to talk about,” you blurted out, avoiding eye contact and beginning to grab the miscellaneous things around your room to begin to clean up. It was always a habit when you felt any type of discomfort, “you want to talk about my parents. I saw the article up on the laptop.”

A deep sigh escaped his lips as he sat up a bit, cross-crossing his legs and leaning forward more.

“I know I shouldn’t have searched you. I genuinely apologize for that. I could just... tell that you were hiding something. I could tell by how quickly you always turned the subject away when your parents were brought up. I guess I just got too curious for my own good.”

You nodded. You understood. For the most part, you were an open book, especially with Sam. He knew all you quirks and triggers. He knew you better than anyone else, you just thought you did a better job at hiding this one thing. Taking a chance, you looked up and made eye contact with him. He didn’t show pity like you expected and experienced from anyone who ever knew you after the incident happened. Instead you just saw comfort.

“They were assholes. Big, huge, assholes who in my opinion should rot in prison, but instead they are out in a measly fifteen years.”

“I can agree with you there,” he chuckled a bit, patting the bed next to him, indicating that he wanted you to sit next to him. You shook your head no, feeling your eyes start to well up with tears.

“I hate them, Sam. They left me so broken. They left me looking so troubled, so unloveable,” you whispered, breaking eye contact with him and opting to continue straightening things up around your room. You kept thinking internally, your sadness diminishing and your anger rising a bit. You turned back to Sam who was just watching your every move. You usually would’ve shied away from that, but this time was different.

Without any thought or hesitation, you pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you in a pair of leggings and your bra.

“Oh god,” he whispered, seeing your bare body for the first time. In fact, he was one of the first people to truly see your body other than the multiple nurses and doctors that treated you after the incident, “what did they do to you?”

It was that moment that you felt a weight lift off of your shoulders. The way his eyes were gentle as they looked over your entire frame, not an ounce of judgement seeping into you skin, just carefulness and genuine sorrow.

“They did a lot, but I’m still alive. I’m here, I’m healthy, I’m loved, and I’m alive. That’s all that matters.” I murmured, throwing my shirt back on before taking up his earlier offer of sitting next to him, “I know I could’ve told you the truth earlier, I just prefer to not talk about it anymore. It’s painful.”

“That’s understandable, y/n. And again, I’m sorry for snooping into it, but I don’t regret knowing. You’re so strong, and I’m so glad you’re here - alive and healthy,” you nodded, allowing him to grab you into a hug, pulling you into his lap. You chuckled a bit at the strength he formed around you, before pulling away a bit and looking at him, “I love you, and I’m so glad you came into my life. Even though your parents are going to be out of jail one day, that doesn’t ensure that a tragic accident may not happen to them,” he smiled at his own words, sending a louder laugh out of your mouth.

“I love you, too, moose. Thank you.”

[eddieismypimp]

Shouldn’t have done that.

Oscar x plus size black reader (gotta show love to my QUEENS)

Summary: Oscar and "Y/N" have been fighting all day, it gets a little out of hand and he buys you a puppy to make up for it.

Warnings: I NEVER KNOW HOW TO END THESE SHITS SO THE ENDINGS ARE ALWAYS STUPID. Cussing, little bit of violence, yelling, arm grabbing, if that freaks you out please please don't read this. Also, I hate writing shit about fighting because I come from trauma and I always take it to far because thats what I'm used to so I'm sorry lol <3

A/N PLEASE PLEASE READ: I DO NOT support any type of abuse IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT even arm grabbing but I put it in this story and I'm so sorry if any of you who reads this is going through abuse or anything like that. With everyone being quarantined and kids being at home with their parents, there's a possibility that they are in actual danger and it terrifies me and hurts my heart to even think about that. Please dont be afraid to ask someone for help if you're in that situation. You can text me anytime if you need a friend and we can just talk. I pray for the babies who are in bad situations right now. I love you all.

                                      Y/N POV

"Just drop it y/n." Oscar said sitting at the kitchen table sipping his coffee. "What I decide for Cesar isn't your concern."  Wow.... that shit HURTED. ''I know I haven't been around since the very beginning but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you and Cesar." I said. "That doesn't change the fact that you weren't the one that raised him since he was a little child." He said standing up and walking to the kithcen. I followed him, not ready to finish this conversation yet. He wasn't gonna win this time. He needed to see my point.  "I had to give up EVERYTHING to make sure there was food on the table and he was taken care of." He said getting a little loud. "Baby, theres no need to get loud." I said. "I know you have given up a lot for Cesar and I think you're amazing for it.... but do you really think Cesar wants this life?" I asked. He didn't say anything. "I know you just want him to be protected but is this really the best way to go about it? Is there really no other way you can protect him without getting him involved in this shit?" I asked again. "It's not to late.. for either of you. I know you think it's to late for you but you can still get out baby you ca-." I was cut off by Oscar slamming his cup on the counter. I flinched and gasped. He turned around getting in your face. "Don't speak on shit you know nothing about." He said it calmly but I could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. With that he walked away and I stood there dumbfounded.

                            -time skip-

It's been about an hour since Oscar and I had that argument and I've been sitting in the living room watching Coco. That movie always makes me feel so much better. Miguel is the cutest! I was  singing along to Un Poco Loco when I seen Oscar walking towards the door. "Where you goin?" I asked him worried. He looked at me. "Cesar needs me." "I'm coming with you." I said getting up and turning off the t.v. I slid my Nike slides on and walked out behind him getting into the car.

                            -another time skip-

"Why is Cesar in Brentwood?" I asked looking at Oscar. "Him and his friends were trick or treating." He said not taking his eyes off the road. "Oh." Was all I said as I looked out the window. We finally pulled up to this house party and I seen Cesar standing in front of this white boy. We got out the car. "Oh so you think you're hard?" I heard the kid say. The fuck is goin on? He better not be comin at my little baby crazy! I thought to myself. "No... but he is." Cesar said pointing at Oscar. Oscar walked up on the boy with me right behind him. Ope- this kids in for it now. The kid looked at me. Oh Christ. I internally rolled my eyes. "Well.. look at you. Aren't you beautiful." He said which disgusted me to my SOUL. I had an idea though. I faked a smile and pushed past Oscar. "Thank you." I said caressing his face. "You're not to bad yourself." Which was an absolute lie. The kid looked ROUGH. He also had a fake tear drop tattoo and it was very obvious he was trying to look like a cholo. I was gonna end it there knowing Oscar was already jealous as shit and we would have some bomb ass makeup sex later but when I turned around, I felt a hard slap on my ass. "Yo what the fuck!?" I said turning around and slapping the kid in the face. Before anyone could say or do anything else, Oscar gently pushed me outta the way and grabbed the kid by his shirt. "Aye, don't touch my girl homie!" Oscar got all up in his face. "I'm sorry man, she came onto me." The kid said clearly terrified.  Oscar saw the fake tear drop and got noticeably more angry. If that was even possible. He licked his thumb and wiped it off the kids face. Then wiped his own tattoo, which didn't come off. "This shits real." He said. "Please, what do you want?" The kid asked with tears in his eyes. I laughed a little to myself. Who's tough now, pussy? Oscar let go of his shirt and tilted his head at Cesar telling him to come over. As Cesar was telling the kid what he wanted, Oscar turned towards me grabbing my arm and leading me to the car. I got in and he did too shortly after. We waited in silence for Cesar. Him and Monse walked up to the car and I got out to let them in. Once they were in you sat back down. "How is everyone else getting home?" I asked looking at Cesar. I can't help it, I worry about everything. "Ruby's abuelita is taking them." He said. "Oh okay." I said facing the front less worried. Oscar started driving as we all sat in silence. It got a little to quiet so I grabbed the aux cord and started playing my favorite song. I knew Cesar and Monse liked the song to because they were in the back straight vibin. I was playing the song get back by pop smoke. (r.i.p papi) That song was a straight bop. Oscar showed no emotion though. He just sat there in silence. focusing on the road. I gave a slight frown thinking my plan didn't work but put my focus back on the song.

                               -time skip-

It was like that the rest of the car ride. Me playing bomb ass music while me, cesar and monse jammed out and oscar just sitting there with literally no emotion. We finally got to Monse's house and I let her and Cesar out. Cesar was gonna stay at her place tonight since her dad was out of town. Which actually worked out perfectly, now me and Oscar will have the whole house to ourselves. I internally smirked thinking about what could go down tonight. I was excited. We finally pulled into the driveway of our house. Oscar got out without saying anything and went straight to the door to unlock it. What the fuck? I thought. I got out and walked in the house. "Oscar, what's the matter?" I asked wrapping my arms around him from behind. "You haven't said anything since we left Brentwood." "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked coldly. That threw me off and I backed up a little as he turned around to look at me. "What?" I asked genuinely confused. "You think you can just pull that shit and I won't get pissed?" He asked. I started giggling realizing that my plan did work. "So you think the shit is funny now?" He raised his voice stepping all up on me. My smile left my face quick as shit. "Wh- no.. I-" I was cut off by Oscar grabbing my arms pretty harshly. I gasped. "Why you out here actin like a whore?" He asked, his voice still raised like I wasn't right in front of him. "Oscar, you're hurting me." I said. I was kinda shook right now because I didn't think he would get mad enough to actually hurt me. "I don't give a fuck." He said tightening his grip. I had tears in my eyes now, this is starting to scare me a little. "You're supposed to be my girl... not touchin up on some fools right in front of me." He said, still not letting go. "Oscar, I only did that to get your attention. I didn't think you'd for real get mad." I said struggling to get my arms out of his grip. His eyes softened a little and he finally let go. I rubbed my wrists backing up. "Mama... I'm so sorry..." He said trying to pull me into a hug but I backed away. I looked at him for a moment before turning around and walking to our shared bedroom locking the door and falling on the bed crying. A few moments later I heard the front door close and the car start.

                              Oscars POV

Why did I let it get to me like that..? I love y/n with my whole heart. Why would I ever hurt her? "What the fuck do I do?" I asked myself. I parked my car in a park so I can think of ways to make it up to my little baby. "Okay Oscar.. think... Something that will make her happy..." I finally got it. A fucking puppy. She's been asking me for one for like two months now. I only knew one pet shop that was open this late so I started my car and drove there.

                               -time skip-

I got there and I looked for about 20 mintues before I found the perfect one.I picked him up and brought him to the worker. "This is the one I want." I said. "Okay," She said taking him from me. "I'm gonna have you pick out a collar, a leash, dog food, and food bowls for him." The lady said. I nodded my head going to pick the shit out. I got all the stuff and went to the counter. She rang up all my shit and then gave me some papers to sign. "What do you want to name him?" She asked me. I had to think for a minute. What's a name y/n would pick...? Oh wait.. I can name him Miguel. Her little ass loves Coco and thats her favorite character. I told the lady what I wanted to name him and she wrote it down somewhere on the paper I just filled out. She bagged up my stuff and handed me Miguel. "Have a nice night!" She said smiling. "Thank you, you too." I took all my stuff and walked out to my car.

She's gonna love him. I thought. I put all the stuff in the backseat and got him settled in the front seat. I took a picture of him for memories. Then I started driving home.

                             -time skip-

                        Still Oscar's POV

I finally got home. I stayed in the car for a minute trying to figure out the right words to say. I hope I can fix this. I love her so much. I took a deep breath and got out of the car. I grabbed the bags from the back seat and then grabbed the puppy. I opened the front door as quietly as I possibly could. The lights in the living room and kitchen were on and so was the t.v. Of course she's watching Coco. I didn't see her on the couch tho. Shes probably in the kitchen. I sneakily walked over to the couch and sat everything down including the puppy. I walked toward the kitchen to see if she was in there but she wasn't there either. Right when I was about to walk to our bedroom, she walked out of the bathom and we almost bumped into each other. She didn't say anything, and she tried to walk past me. "Wait, baby.." I said.

                             Y/n POV

I tried to walk past Oscar but he wouldn't let me. "Wait, baby.." He pleaded. "Please just listen." I sighed but decided to listen to what he had to say. "Okay Oscar." I said quietly. He let out a sigh of relief. "Baby, I am sorry." He said taking a step closer to me. I took a step back. Not because I was scared but because it was my natural instinct. He had a pained expression but he continued. "I love you and I don't know why I acted like that." I just sood there. "I would never hurt, and I'm sorry.. I took it way to far. It'll never happen again." I was staring at my feet but I could feel his eyes on me. "Please mami. Please forgive me." He pleaded. I couldn't stay mad at him for long. "Okay, Oscar. I forgive you." I said. "Oh thank God." He said pulling me into a hug. "I love you so much." He said kissing me all over my face. I giggled. "I love you too papi." I said smiling at him. "Come here boo, I got something for you." He said grabbing my hands and leading me into the living room. I was mad confused until I saw the most beautiful puppy I have ever seen. I gasped SO loud. "Oh my goooooood.... Oscar, is he mine?" I asked looking at Oscar. "Yes ma'am, all for you." He said smiling at me. I smiled back at him as I went to go pick up the puppy. "Awwwww,babe. I love him." I said cuddling the puppy. "Whats his name?" "I named him Miguel." He said proudly. I melted. "I love it boo. He's perfect." I started to tear up. "Aw baby, don't cry." Oscar said hugging me. Everything was quiet for a while until I heard Oscar sniffling. I looked up at him and he had tears in his eyes. "Babe.. what's wrong?" I asked worried. "I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you like that ever. I know buying presents isn't gonna make up for it, but I just want you to know i'll never hurt you again." He said kissing my forehead. "You don't have to cry baby. We both did stuff we regret tonight. But it's okay, we can talk it out and work this out and become better than ever." I said, planting kisses all over his sweet little face. "This is why I love you." He said. The rest of the night, me, oscar and our new puppy cuddled and watched Coco.

[moody-bloosh]

i only have one heart (Bruno Buccellati, Prosciutto)

oh bOY passion project time! here i present to you the age old question, who is best? Childhood friend or mysterious transfer student? ; ) 

This is just some very self-indulgent, fluff, angst, teen drama nonsense that I wanted to write because I’ve been such shoujo manga trash recently. No one asked for this but someone did say that they wanted to see Prosci stealing Bucci’s lover. So this is the next best thing I came up with. 

Enjoy~! 

we’ll always be together, and that’s a promise. 

His mother had left and his father was always working late, so of course Bruno would spend almost every other day at your house. As children, you would spend your every waking hour together. He’d be bullied and teased by the local children. 

‘Unwanted child,’ they’d call him. Because of the fact that his mother had left. Because of the fact that his father was never home. 

You would always come to his defense, coming at the local bullies with unparalleled fury. On the floor, beat up and chastened, the bullies would glare at you as you rushed back to Bruno. As you helped him up, already wiping away the tears falling down his chubby childish cheeks, they bullies would yell at you with all the venom a child could muster. 

“Ew! _____ likes Bruno!” 

“That’s right I like Bruno!” You fired back, not noticing the adoring glimmer he had in his eyes. 

Holding hands as you walked home, pinky promises that you’d always be there for him, these were his treasures. The memories he held on to, to stave off the crushing silence that awaited him in his lonely home. 

Looking back, wasn’t this the start? 

Now the head of the Public Morals committee, it wasn’t strange for Bruno to end up fixing your uniform for you. He’d always chide you for leaving the top two buttons on your uniform open. 

“They need to be buttoned up,” he would say as he would come closer to fix your uniform for you. 

“It’s a style,” you would complain as he fussed over you much like a mother would their eldest child. 

How the tables had turned now. He was certainly a far cry from the bullied little boy who always needed your protection. He’d really started to come into his own in high school. He was respected, adored, always breaking some poor girl or boy’s heart with a genuinely apologetic yet firm rejection. As the two of you would walk home together, you would find yourself reproaching him. 

“I can’t believe you rejected someone again! That last one was really cute too,” you commented. 

“They’re just not my type,” he replied blandly. 

“Why is there anyone you like right now?” 

A gulp he hopes you won’t notice. Really, what could he do when you looked at him like that? Eyes wide, a tilt of your head to betray how curious you were. He finds himself stumbling just a bit to find a way to steer the conversation away from what he believed were his obvious feelings for you. 

“If you keep annoying me like this I won’t treat you at that new cafe by the station.” 

“Ugh, Bruno, you bully! What happened to that cute kid I doted on and defended, huh?!” 

With a playful flick to your forehead, you were silenced. There was a cute little pout on your lips as you muttered that you were totally going to make him pay for the most expensive thing in the cafe. Ah really, if he could spend the rest of his days like this, together with you. He wouldn’t ask for anything else. Just like this, he was already happy. 

He shouldn’t have been so presumptuous. 

“Bruno, there’s someone I like!” 

Your eyes were glimmering. You were so radiant, truly the aura of someone in the throes of youthful love. 

“Don’t tell anyone alright? I think he likes me too, but I’m not too sure…” 

As per usual he was adjusting your uniform, you were being unnaturally docile today. No sly side comments, just a wistful look in your eyes as you stared off somewhere. Curious, Bruno followed your gaze to find that you were staring at the new transfer student, a rowdy delinquent who’d been kicked out of his last school. So that was why the look in your eyes were so familiar.

He looked at you the same way. 

Why him? He couldn’t help but think. He couldn’t bring himself to ask you. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, even though it hurt, even though it felt like his heart was breaking with each and every second he spent in this horrible situation. 

I was the one… who loved you first. 

“I hope it goes well for you,” he says instead with a smile that doesn’t quite reach the corners of his eyes. You are only too blinded by love to notice the obviously fake smile he gives you. 

For someone who hated liars, he was certainly an excellent one. 

oh, first love, where is your sting? 

He didn’t deserve to be loved. So stop looking at him like that, it will make his resolve waver. Don’t say those sweet words, it will make him yearn to hold you in his arms. Don’t cry, it will make him want to kiss you. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t return your feelings, _____.” 

You can’t fall for me, I’ll only ruin you. 

What did you say to him when you first met? Ah, that was right. 

“Hey, buddy! You can’t smoke up here, this is my spot!” 

Your hands were on your hips as you stood above him. The cigarette was barely lit, just hanging loosely off his lips. He looked at you in the same way one would regard something like their annoying younger sibling. 

“Buzz off.” 

He rolled his eyes at you, he wasn’t really looking to smoke but your interruption made him want to do it just to spite you. Undeterred, you had leaned over to pluck the cigarette from his lips. Your fingers brushed his lips just the slightest bit. It was a little chapped but that was the first time you’d ever touched a boy’s lips, and you didn’t dwell on that detail for too long. Before he can even sit up, you were winding your arm like a world-renowned pitcher and launching his barely lit cigarette off the roof. 

“There we go,” you said with a triumphant grin. “Bye, death stick!” 

“Jesus, that- what the fuck!?” 

“I told you, if you’re hanging out at my spot, you have to follow my rules.” 

“…fine then, I’m leaving.” 

“Hey, hey come on! Prosciutto!” 

He ignores your protests, his fingers twitch. That was his last and only stick of cigarette. 

Damn it. 

An annoyed raise of his brow and his narrowed eyes make it clear, but just in case you weren’t getting it, he made sure to infuse his tone with as much derision as he could. 

“Are you normally this annoying?” 

“Well, as the class rep, I’m here to make sure everyone gets along!” 

“Just leave me alone,” he huffed, aggravated. 

“Sorry no can do! Our homeroom teacher told me to keep an eye on you, specifically. So I guess, I’ll be in your care, Prosciutto.” 

A beat of silence as he regards your outstretched hand. 

“You’re a real pain in the neck, aren’t you?” 

“I’m just doing my job,” you said with a bright sunny smile on your face. Ha. 

Perhaps that determination you had, the sincerity in your annoying eyes, it could be quite endearing. That was bad. Very, very bad. He has to extricate himself from you, he can’t let himself be attached to you. 

“I’m here to give you the notes you missed in class,” you said, clutching a small stack of papers close to your chest. “Feeling better now, Prosci?” 

“You cannot be serious,” he groans, then as if noticing your new nickname for him, he snaps. “Don’t call me that. 

“Ah, but it’s cute isn’t it?” 

“It’s not, it’s annoying just like you.” 

“Hmm, alright…” 

Damn it, don’t sound so smug. He definitely won’t allow you to talk to him like that, okay? 

Your notes are messy, but it is littered with sticky notes trying to explain the lesson to him. There are even ugly little doodles that made him snort. A small smile makes its way on his face before he catches himself a little too late. Damn it, this was bad. This was very, very bad. 

Sooner or later, he was bound to let his guard down. 

You were smiling, even though you were so frightened, even though it must have hurt. 

“I’m fine, Prosciutto.” 

It was supposed to be just a simple task, you were buying materials for the play your class was putting on for the school festival. But he had been recognized and that put you at risk. He dispatches of the thug quickly enough but the damage had already been done. 

There was a deep gash on your leg, one that would likely leave a scar. Though it wasn’t anything too serious, his gaze lingered on it. The sight of it blood seeping through bandages brings back memories of nights spent bloodied and bruised, with slumped over bodies littering the floor in front of him. He remembers the sight of his friends, Sorbet and Gelato, beaten up within an inch of their life because of their ties to him and the others. 

He remembers the sight of them, even now there were still bruises, wounds, scars that would never heal. 

He couldn’t let that happen to you. That was why, it was better to break your heart.

Don’t worry, you are not alone in that painful endeavor. 

the sunny afternoon is punctuated with rain. 

Your hiccups and sobs fill the quiet afternoon as you walk to the exit. As always, Bruno is waiting for you. His lips are drawn in a grim line. There are no words of comfort offered save for his usual line for you. 

“Let’s walk back home together.” 

Prosciutto remembers how you looked at him when he asked you, “why are you being so kind to me?” 

“Because, you had such lonely eyes, eyes that were just begging to be loved.” 

You had said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, there was this dreamy, content look in your eyes as you said it too. So sincerely, with so much conviction. It was unfair. What was he to do when you looked at him like that? But then you realized your slip up and the moment is over already. You couldn’t help it, you loved him so much, sometimes words like that just slipped out. 

“What the hell?” He said, practically doubling over in laughter at your words, laughing freely for the first time in a long while. He looked so innocent while he was laughing. 

Ah, right, that was the time. 

Your teardrops were still on the floor, he noted. 

Damn it all. He can’t help it, opening up a window, he smokes right there in the classroom.

[pynkhues]

You’re welcome to post that super long fic you’re working on unfinished! I’m dying :) no need to post this just wanted to let you know I love the stuff you write and get so excited when I see a new one added!

Haha, thank you, anon! I’m so glad you like what I write! I won’t be posting the whole thing until it’s done (I promise it’ll be worth the wait!! I mean. I hope it will, haha) BUUUTTT since I’ve had four or five asks about it, and because I don’t think I’m going to get a chance to finish it until tomorrow night (Australian time), you can have the opening scene! It’s pretty long (the whole fic is pretty long, haha - I think it’ll finish at about 12,000 words), so I’ve thrown it behind a cut. 

(While it’s not an official series - although I might change that potentially - in my head, this is set in the same Beth-and-Dean-have-recently-separated-for-real-universe that Summer in the City and Try Sometimes are!)

For once, she hears him before shesees him, his voice loud over the bustle of the playground, a familiar, cuttingline through the disarray.

“Pop, no,” he says,exasperation obvious in his voice, and Beth’s oddly pleased to hear that tonedirected at somebody who’s not her for a change, even if that person is a sixyear old currently clambering onto the roof of the playground clubhouse. Riomust have only just pushed off the park bench, if the way he lurches forwards whenBeth’s gaze finds him is anything to go by, striding forwards across the grass towardshis son. “Get down.”

Beth’s not the only woman watching himeither – in the process of seeking him out, her eyes meet a clutch of mothers standingby the swing set, their gazes fixed on the long, leonine line of Rio’s body ashe moves, and God, Beth thinks, walking towards the park bench Rio’s only justabandoned, adjusting her grip on the container in her hands and the bags overher shoulder, feeling every bit a pack mule, was she ever that desperate. 

She hopes not, but – 

Probably.

She sighs inwardly, letting her gazedrift back to Rio and Marcus. There’s a brief moment where she seriously thinksMarcus might not follow the instruction, but as Rio gains in proximity, heslides quickly back down off the plastic roof of the playhouse to the ground,having the good sense to look bashfully up at his father, kicking the dirt withhis shoe.

Even from here, Beth can see it, theway Rio rocks his jaw in obvious disapproval, but any reprimand he might have,he bites his tongue, crouching down before him. She doesn’t hear what he saysnext, but she can make out his tone – somehow both firm and soft, like itusually is with Marcus. Like it is with nobody else Beth has seen him with.

She slides down onto the bench,leaning back enough to put the drop bag on the grass between her feet and thecontainer of cupcakes she’s been lugging around beside her on the bench. It’sbeen a day, to put it lightly. The kids were at Dean’s for the week, but Beth hadstill had to fill their part of the bake sale quota (Emma had begged) and the minivan had failed to start – she’d triedcalling Hank from Boland Motors out to take a look at it, but he’d been swampedwith (paying) work, and even though he’d offered, she hadn’t wanted tooverburden him, so she’d ended up instead with a mechanic from the nearestshop, some guy half her age who’d ogled her chest and talked to her like shehad the brain function of the oil rag in his back pocket, and it had just - -

It had been a lot.

She’d ended up catching an Uber to thepark, with Ruby promising to pick her up as soon as she finished her shift atDandy Doughnuts to take her via the school to drop off the cupcakes and then outfor girl’s night drinks. They were overdue after all, and Beth was lookingforward to it more than she could say – hell, she’d circled the date with starand heart stickers on her calendar.  

Pushing her hair back off her shoulder,she watches as Rio finishes admonishing Marcus, turning back around, spottingher and heading over, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jacket. It’snot all that cold, but he’s dressed like it is – beanie, coat and all. Thenagain, she thinks he might be allergic to sweaters, and he never zips hishoodies all the way, giving any cool breeze the ability to whip straight throughhim. She’d made the mistake of telling him this once, trying to button up his jacketfor him, and he’d taken it as an invitation to push his freezing hands down theback of her pants and purr lewd things in her ear about all the ways she couldwarm him up.

The memory makes her cross her legsnow, thighs clenching, and she rolls her eyes a little at herself, her gazefinding that gaggle of moms again, still watching Rio attentively.

So, sure, she’s that embarrassing tooapparently.

Right now Beth is only dressed lightherself – a pair of black jeans, boots, a sky blue sweater that hugs her chest (notthat most things don’t – a mixed blessing of having a cup size that bypassesthe first five or six letters of the alphabet), a faded black bomber jacketover the top.

It’s still early – can’t be much pastthree, but there’s a slight, dragging exhaustion to Rio’s step that makes Bethfrown. Her frown only deepens when he just nods at her when he finally reachesher, pulling his hands out of his coat pockets and going straight for the containerof cupcakes. He makes quick work unclipping the lid and prying it open.

“Oh, baby, you shouldn’t have,” he says,and his tone is light – lighter than she knows is genuine, and Beth just rolls hereyes, snapping the container lid shut against his fingers before he can pull acupcake out.

“They’re for something at the school.”

She hopes its firm, figures it is, ifthe way Rio fakes at surrender is anything to go by, raising his hands like Beth’sgot a gun and this is one of the John Wayne Westerns her dad used to love. Andit’s stupid, right? It’s just cupcakes, but still. She knows him well enough toknow that if she gives him one, she’ll somehow be getting to the school withhalf of them. It’s just what he does. Beth scoots along the park bench, overtowards the middle, giving her enough room to move the container to the otherside of her hips, out of his arms reach, shooting him a filthy look in theprocess.

He mostly just looks amused, lipstwitching as he makes a production of flopping down onto the bench, a littletoo close to her, and sitting on his hands. His gaze finds her briefly, softly,in a way that makes her breath catch, before it’s back out across the park, searchingout Marcus like a spotlight might find its star.  

The afternoon is bright, bustlingwith parents and kids younger than either of their own. There’s an energy tothe park at this hour of afternoon that Beth’s always liked – joggers, peoplewalking dogs, ice cream trucks and pretzel carts setting up in the nearbycarpark. It’s a thrum of activity that, during her days where her world wasreally just her house, before Fine & Frugal, before she knew who Dean reallywas, before she knew who she was, had felt exciting. Now itjust feels warm, familiar, something easy to lean back into and breathe in.

She moves her leg below the bench,finding Kenny’s ratty old sports bag and hooking her foot into the strap.

“Your cut,” Beth says, discretelypushing the bag towards him below the bench. “It’s all there.”

He waits a minute, looking brieflyaround before he stretches forwards, unhooking the strap from her foot, fingersbrushing the sliver of exposed ankle between her boot and her jeans, making herbreath catch all over again, before he’s tugging it over between his own legs. Herifles through it, counting out the cash. 

And she knows that he trusts herenough these days to know it’s all there, so she can never quite tell if thispart of it is about keeping her in her place or if it’s just habit. Either way,it makes Beth roll her eyes, her gaze finding Marcus across the playground, brimmingwith energy as he finally gets to clamber up on the monkey bars. She grins as helurches gracefully across, something inherently Rio in theway he confidently finds the next rung, swinging his little body across. When hegets to the end, he leaps down, and immediately circles the playground to re-jointhe line to do it all again.

Her phone buzzes in the pocket of herjeans, and she tugs it out – the message from Ruby reading bright across thescreen.

Leaving DD now. Ready fordeath’s sweet embrace. Pls tell me you have a cupcake and a cocktail waiting atthe gates of hell for me. I’ll be passing thru in 10.

Beth grins down at her phone screen,making quick work of typing out the reply.

No death embrace here, but MYembrace is waiting for you! And no cocktail but Y to a cupcake! 😊 I’ll get Annie to have drinks waiting for us at the bar though?

She pockets her phone, checks herwatch, like the time there might be different, and she’s surprised when Riomakes a noise of irritation beside her.

“Oh, sorry, ma, am I keepin’ you?”

Looking back at him, Rio’s gaze isstill fixed down at the bag at his feet as he finishes sifting through themoney, and Beth has to resist the urge to scowl at him. He’s in a bad mood. She’dthought it earlier, but there’s a set to his shoulders she doesn’t like, a liltto his voice that puts her teeth on edge. She sits up a little straighter.

“Always,” she says, a little too sweetly,and it’s enough to make his gaze flick up to her, his jaw to rock backwards andthen forwards again in obvious irritation, and Beth just meets his gaze headon.

She thinks he might say something –probably sharp, probably biting – but then his own cell is buzzing in his ownpocket, and he kicks the bag of cash back to Beth and rocks up off the seat to answerit, striding far enough away that she can’t eavesdrop, but close enough he canstill keep an eye on Marcus.

And it figures, she thinks, leaningback into the seat, finding the bag of cash again with her feet. While that’shere, she can’t just leave. She hopes his call isn’t long, or if it is, that Rubyisn’t left long in the carpark. Beth scrubs a hand over her face, annoyed, whensuddenly a small weight collapses onto the park bench beside her.

“Where’s Emma?” the small weightasks, and then, quickly, remembering his manners. “Hi.” 

Beth can’t quite help the grin.

 “Hi,” she says, watching as Marcuswriggles up onto the bench beside her. He really is cute. Almost too cute, as Annie would say, but still. Adorable. He’s in khaki pants today,sneakers, a little checked button down and a blue sweater not unlike her own,and it’s not really like Beth thought all that much about what Rio might dressa potential child in before she realised that he had one, but still. She neverwould’ve figured this. “Emma’s at her daddy’s. She’ll be back to play next weekthough.”

Marcus looks only brieflydisappointed by that as he sits up a little straighter on the bench. He looksover Beth’s lap at the container of cupcakes, his mouth suddenly falling open.

She’d decorated them all to be water themed.After all, the school bake sale is supposed to be raising funds to send theswim team to nationals, and Beth won’t even pretend not to love a theme. She’ddone cupcakes with frog heads and shark fins, crab claws and mermaid tails, anda few that just had wave-shaped icing to balance them out for the display. Hell,her fingers were still a little blue from the food colouring. 

And yes. They were gluten and nut free this time.

Beth’s already grabbing the containerto give him one, when Marcus’ voice trills through their relative quiet.

“Are they for my dad?”

Beth blinks, her gaze finding Rioagain, still a few feet away, his own gaze on the ground, his mouth set in atight line as he argues something she can’t hear into his cell. She frowns,trying to stifle the tightness in her chest at him looking so unhappy, before shelooks back at Marcus, who’s watching her inquisitively.

“They’re actually for Emma,” she says,instead of no. “She has a very special thing on at her school, and they askedall the mommies and daddies to make something, so I made these.”

Marcus gives her wide eyes, mouth openingsomehow wider.

“You made them?” heasks, voice loaded with amazement, and Beth can’t help but laugh, pulling thecontainer into her lap and cracking it open. She offers it over to him.

“Mm-hmm,” she says. “Would you likeone?” 

Marcus wriggles over in his seat, soclose Beth can smell his shampoo, something soft and boyish, and she watcheshis little hand hover over the mermaid, then the crab, before finally grabbing thefrog. He shuffles back into the bench, looking at it almost in awe, clutchedbetween his hands, and Beth opens her mouth to say something when Marcus suddenlysays:

“Can I get one for my dad too? It’shis birthday tomorrow.”

And it’s said so innocently, so innocuously,that Beth finds herself briefly at a loss for words. She looks at Marcus, whostares brightly, sweetly back at her, and then her gaze shifts to Rio, twelvefeet away across the park, pacing, irritated, on his cell still, and it’s just- -

She blinks, unable to stop the loudexhale escaping her lips.

“Of course,” she says, covering it,offering the container to Marcus again, and this time he taps his chin, lookingover her icing sugar creations. His hand briefly hovers over the shark, then thewaves, before finally settling on the mermaid, pulling it out and propping iton his leg.

Something in Beth’s chest stutters atthe image of it (Why’d he pick the mermaid? Does Rio talk about women in frontof him? With him? Are there women who - - ) but she shakes it out of her headas quickly as she can. Marcus is just a boy and he’d wanted the mermaidhimself, and besides, she and Rio are just - - well, she doesn’t know what theyare.

“Did you get your daddy a present?”she asks instead, sealing up the container, and putting it back beside her,resisting the urge to look at Rio again. Marcus just hums, nodding, pluckingout the bit of white chocolate she’d made one of the frog’s eyes with andeating it.

“Yup. My mommy got a cup for hiscoffee and I painted it special for him, and I made him a card, and I helped abuelapick out two shirts and tía and me got him a new necklace whichwe’re gonna give him at special dinner tomorrow.”

“Aren’t you good? You’re spoiling himrotten,” Beth says with a the easiest laugh she can manage, and she can’t help it this time, whenher gaze finds him across the park, something unfamiliar and tight winding inher gut. This time, he seems to feel her looking, and his gaze fixes back onher, and she doesn’t know what he sees, but something in her face seems to takehim briefly aback.

Marcus suddenly gasps, sitting up alittle taller, and Beth blinks back down at him.

“It’s a secret til tomorrow though,”he tells her suddenly, voice full of childish urgency, and Beth grabs the airat the corner of her lips, zipping it clean across her face.

“Your secret’s safe with me, SirMarcus,” she says, weighing her voice down to sound like an English knight, andMarcus beams back at her, smile as bright as the sun.  

[ariela-of-aedyr]

Memories

I was inspired by @pillarspromptsweekly‘s ‘Reputation’ prompt to try and write something from a companion’s perspective. It did kind of get away from me a little, as I couldn’t pick just one person to stick with, but I think I like the effect that I ended up with, so hopefully it’s not too terrible!

Vela didn't remember how she came to live with her Mama. She had only been a tiny baby at the time, after all, and tiny babies could not remember things. She knew what her Mama had told her; that the man who had called himself her father had been a bad person who had wanted to do something bad to her, and that Mama had taken her away. Had taken her far away from the place where she had been, and had chosen to become her Mama so that she could keep her safe. And Vela knew that she had been safe; that she had been happy, and loved for all of her life, and that she would not ever have wanted a different Mama than the one that she had had. And so, even though she could not remember what had happened exactly, as far as she was concerned it seemed like her Mama had done the right thing.

Ariela's friends, however, could remember the event much clearer than Vela, having not been tiny babies at the time. And while none of them could categorically state for certain whether she had done a bad thing or a good thing in taking the child, every one of them considered it to be a particularly notable event during their travels together, and every single one of them remembered a different aspect of it.

Kana remembered the way that The Watcher's smile had evaporated. That was the part that had stuck with him throughout the years. It was such a small thing, and yet so poignant. How the woman who had always remained so positive- who had spent the last couple of months trying to brighten everyone's worldview even despite the things that had been happening around her- had suddenly gone quiet; her expression sharp, and her eyes cold. He remembered how, in an extremely rare show of cold-bloodedness, she had spent the afternoon planning to poison the man who had asked her to sacrifice his child, as the rest of the group followed her around in near silence, unsure of what to say or do. He remembered that they had held a hushed and panicked conversation amongst themselves, trying to decide whether or not they were comfortable with allowing the Watcher to go through with what would be undeniably murder, even considering the circumstances. And he remembered how, at the final second, her companions had been spared the weight of that decision, as her honour had shone through, and she had abandoned her plot of subterfuge; instead choosing to confront the man directly, and to take a stand for what was right.

Eder remembered Ariela's protective spirit. It wasn't the first or the last time that he'd seen her act as a protector- even despite her small frame and relative squishiness- but he couldn't exactly say that it hadn't been a pretty memorable one. He remembered how she'd insisted on going to the house where the kid was, to check that everything was alright and to make sure she hadn't been hurt. He remembered how she had gathered the tiny orlan up in her arms; a little ball of fluff still all wrapped in a bundle of blankets, and how she'd spoken to her softly, promising that nothing bad would happen to her now that she was there. And he remembered seeing something inside her snap in that moment, though he couldn't quite be sure of what it was or why it might have happened, and he could still clearly picture the way that she'd pulled the baby defensively against her, and had drawn her weapon with her free hand, preparing to fight anyone who was willing to stand in her way. He figured that saying kidnapping a baby from its home had been a good thing might get him some funny looks, but even so, he knew that what his friend had done had come from a place of love, and from a genuine desire to see the girl grow up healthy and safe. And that had to count for something, right?

What Aloth remembered was the part that came after the act itself. He remembered sitting with Ariela in camp that night, in the forest just outside of the city limits, as she rocked the baby to sleep by the warmth of the fire. He remembered the look that she had given him then; a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, and that seemed to be hiding a great pain that she just wasn't quite ready to discuss with anybody yet. He had recognised such an expression almost immediately, having caught sight of a similar one looking back at him from the mirror on a number of occasions over the years, and that fake smile was all that he really needed to know about why she had done what she had. Ari had consistently shown him trust and support throughout the time that they had known one another, even when he had given her every reason not to do so; so it seemed to him that the the least that he could do was to return the favour. So that was what he had vowed to do, he remembered, as they had sat there in a comfortable silence. No matter what his personal feelings might have been on the matter, he would trust that his dear friend knew what she was doing.

Sagani remembered that The Watcher had not had a clue what she was doing. She remembered Ariela coming to her room in Brighthollow, a few weeks after having taken Vela, with tears streaming down her cheeks, terrified that she had made the wrong decision. She remembered how Itumaak had backed away from the crying woman as she had steered her into the room, and how he'd curled up under a chair in the furthest corner to observe their conversation from a safe distance. She remembered how she had tried her best to calm the other woman down, and assured her that no new parent ever knew what they were doing, and that all any of them could ever really do was try their best. She remembered the small smile that had worked its way onto Ariela's face as the tears had come to a stop, and the look of determination that began to form in her eyes as she had considered those words. And she remembered the big hug that the taller woman had pulled her into, as she had quietly declared that she hoped she would one day be able to be as good a mother as Sagani herself seemed to be. That moment was the one that would always stay with her, over the years, when she thought of The Watcher. 

And when, over the next few years, the letters that reached her from Caed Nua began to include small childish drawings in coloured pencil, of a pale elf woman and an orlan girl, hand in hand, amongst flowers or books, always with big smiles on their faces, she couldn't help but think that Ariela was probably on the right track.

[ilovemygaydad]

Friends in Dark Places [ch 14]

pairing: moxiety, eventual logince, background eventual remile, background eventual remy/emile/deceit

WARNINGS: kissing, implied making out, non-consentual touching and kissing, abusive ex, toxic relationship, self hate, sex mentions, mentioned threesome, rumors, depression, anxiety, depressive episodes, food mentions, unhealthy coping mechanisms, not eating, isolation, worrying, swearing, anger, yelling, swearing, homophobia, homophobic slurs, possibly something else

tag list: @hufflepuffgirl01 @cocobearthe4th @cas-is-a-hunter @band-be-boss-blog @theunoriginaldaisy

a/n: jsyk, it’s totally okay to ask for a modified chapter if you need it or if i need to add tags! i get it, and it’s no problem for me to quick edit a chapter or whatever :) also, feel free to send requests or questions that you have!

first - previous - next - companions

consider buying me a coffee (please)

-

February 18, 2016

Patton stepped over the threshold into Jay’s house. He’d spent a lot of time there, so it wasn’t being in his boyfriend’s house that was making him anxious; it was the fact that it was the first time they would be alone. Jay had begged him to come, so he’d obliged.

He shook the snow off of his coat and dumped it on the floor next to his boots. “Babe, I’m here!” Pat’s voice echoed lightly in the plastered halls. He heard shuffling a few rooms over and made his way towards the sound. The door swung open, and a half-dressed Jason stood in the doorway. He subconsciously noted the girl sitting on the couch, equally undressed and disheveled.

“Patton. Looking gorgeous as ever,” his boyfriend drawled. His lips were swollen and bright pink.

“What the hell is going on, Jason?” Patton’s voice was hard as he gestured to the scene in front of him. The girl inside stood up and walked to the door, wrapping her slender arms around Jason’s waist.

“He really is as beautiful as you’ve said, Jay. Those eyes truly are stunning. And you know how hot I think freckles are. I would have been a fool to refuse your offer.” Her words dripped like honey--uncomfortably slow and thick. Her hand reached out to cup Pat’s cold-tinged cheek, and he flinched back from her touch, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

“What offer, sweetheart?” The anger was gone, replaced with a sugary sweet that held no warmth.

Jason gave his signature dashing smile. “I was thinking, right? You’re bisexual; I’m bisexual. And Lauren here has just been dying to try a threesome. It’ll be fun!”

“What?” That was ridiculous! What kind of thought process was that?

“C’mon, babe. I’ve seen your potential; you’d be an amazing partner in bed!” Jay quirked his eyebrow and pulled Patton closer.

“First of all,” Pat stated as he took a step backward. “You know my feelings on this matter. Second, no! I’m not doing that! We’re fifteen, Jason. Not to mention that you set this all up without even consulting me.”

“And I wouldn’t have had to do that if you’d just loosen up a bit and let me show you something actually pleasurable!” 

Patton was about to protest once more when Jason roughly kissed him; his hands fumbled with his belt buckle. On impulse, Pat pushed him back, knocking both Jay and Lauren to the ground in a heap.

“What the hell, Jay?! I said no! What the fuck do you think that means?” The anger was back and more fiery than ever. He was pissed––no, he was furious.

“You fucking moralist! You ruin everything! I went as far as to make this perfect for you, Patton. You’ve done nothing for me, but I’ve done everything for you.” Jason slowly rose from the floor, redness rising in his face.

“I told you exactly what I was comfortable with from the moment you asked me out! I should have listened to Roman and Logan when they said you were nothing but bad news, but I was swept up by your ‘perfection.’” Patton spat back. He’d reached the end of his rope, and he was taking none of it.

“Those two were so much better than you are! At least they were somewhat willing to play to my needs; they were never so self centered as to refuse everything I want. Sure, they didn’t go nearly as far as I’d liked, but they’re better than you. You’re poisonous. You’re a bomb just waiting to go off and ruin all of my hard work! Now, either take your clothes off and join us, or we’re breaking up right here and now.” That stung. And for just a moment, Patton ran over the situation in his head. He was so devastatingly close to caving before he came back to his senses.

“Then I guess we’re done.” Patton swiftly put his shoes back on and wrapped his coat tightly around his body, stepping back out into the cold February air.

---

All discussion ceased as Patton, Logan, and Roman stepped into Westview. Every pair of eyes turned to them. Specifically Patton. A bright blast of chatter erupted once more, and Patton could glean little bits of conversation from them.

“I heard that he slept with three guys this weekend!”

“Yeah? I heard he had a threesome with some chick from South and Jason Keith!”

“Patton Shea is such a slut!”

“Not to mention he’s a fag!”

Patton Shea. Slut. Patton Shea. Whore. Patton Shea. Slept with three guys in one weekend.

Patton spun around and dashed from the school; Logan and Roman followed close behind. He could hear their furious voices behind him as they walked down the sidewalk to the nearest bus stop.

“I’m going to murder Jason! That dick deserves it! How fucking dare he hurt you like that, Patton; especially after what he did on Saturday,” Roman growled.

“For once I agree with your aggressive sentiments. Patton, you are the sweetest person I know. You deserve so much better.” Logan was normally calm—far too calm for most—but this angered him to the core. Pure hatred seeped from his voice.

Patton stopped and spun around. “Do I, though?” The words hung heavily in the air, and Patton’s voice cracked as he said, “Do I?”

“Of course you do,” Logan gently stated. “You are incredibly kind, generous, and genuine. I have never once known you to do something to hurt another person. Jason, on the other hand, is rude, egotistical, incorrigible, and… and… He’s just awful, okay? You deserve the world, and he deserves to rot in the deepest pits of hell.”

You break everything you touch.

“You’re wonderful, Pat.”

Whore!

“We love you.”

Poison!

Patton plastered on a fake smile. “Thanks, guys, really, but you should go to class. I’ll be fine—“

Roman cut him off with one fluid motion. “Yeah, just shut up and let us come with you.”

---

Jason’s words never left Patton, but neither did the rumors. As the months passed, they became less prominent, becoming floating leaves in the back of his memory. It wasn’t until much later that they would rear their head again.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me.

---

Present

Virgil paced around his room. He was worried. Patton hadn’t woken up until 11 this morning, which was ages later than he usual. Then, he had refused any visitors to his room, claiming he was doing mass amounts of homework. Virgil brought him some lunch, but he had been instructed to just leave the plate outside the door for him to get in a moment. Patton wouldn’t even let his mother in!

It was, quite frankly, terrifying, and Virgil was glad he’d gotten Logan’s phone number.

Virgil

Read [2:32]

hey lo its virgil

im really worried about pat

he hasn’t come out of his room at all and won’t let any of us come in

Logan

Delivered [2:32]

Ah. It seems he has entered a depressive spiral. As I’m sure you’re familiar with the feelings, I’ll spare you the details. Just know that it is nothing personal.

Excuse me for one moment.

Logan immediately went to his text conversation with Patton and began typing.

Logan

Read [2:34]

Patton. It has come to my concern that Virgil is worried absolutely sick about you. I know that you have been feeling less than subpar today, but I need you to let Virgil in so that you two can work things out. He obviously cares a lot about you, and I know for a fact that you care about him just as much. You are one of my best friends, and it kills me to see you down like this.

As soon as the read symbol popped up, Logan went back to Virgil.

Logan

Delivered [2:34]

Go talk to Patton. If he doesn’t let you in, text me, and I’ll make him.

Virgil let out a light laugh at that. Logan was so caring and willing to help his friends, but he didn’t know how to do it in the most sensitive way. Just seconds later, he stood in front of Patton’s door. He hesitantly reached out and knocked. The door abruptly swung open, and a gloomy Patton motioned him in.

Virgil immediately took a seat on the bed. “I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you like this; I just… I wasn’t thinking properly. I’ve been really worried about you all day, and like… I’m sorry.”

“That’s not the reason,” Patton mumbled, pacing along the blue rug on his floor.

“Then why have you been shutting me out all day?” Virgil’s voice was pained; the sound triggered something inside of Pat.

“Because I was trying to avoid this!” Patton gestured wildly at Virgil’s upset expression. “I didn’t want to hurt you, yet here we are! I’m poisonous, Virge. I do nothing but hurt people. I’m the apple from Snow White--sweet and nice at first, but I’ll end up killing you. You deserve so much better than me! You should have picked Roman or Logan; they’re smarter, nicer, more talented, and so much more. But no! You picked me of all people. I’m clumsy, stupid, reckless, emotional, and just plain pathetic. I have nothing to offer.” He sat down exhaustedly on the bed, flopping back onto the plush comforter.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding, right? Patton, you’re amazing. You talked a stranger that you had never met before out of suicide just because you wanted to. You let that same stranger into your home and then ended up allowing them to live with you. You are so much more than nothing. If anything, I don’t deserve you. Roman and Logan are both wonderful, but you have something special inside of you.” Virgil fell back, too. There were a few beats of silence before Patton spoke again.

“If you keep talking bad about yourself, I’m going to physically fight you...” Virgil could hear the smile in his voice. He was so glad. He couldn’t bear to live another minute without Patton happy.

“Come at me, bro.”

Virgil felt weight leaving the bed, but he’d only registered it a moment before he was hauled up by the wrists and propelled into a sweet kiss by Patton. He lightly smiled. God, it was good to have someone again. It was even better that said someone wasn’t an asshole.

“So, what are we?” Virgil asked a few moments later, when they had ended their kiss.

“I think the proper term is ‘boyfriends,’” Patton smiled.

“You sound just like Logan.”

“Satisfactory.” Patton let out a small laugh at Virgil’s irritated groan.

“Shut up and kiss me, nerd.”

next

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 8x17: “Goodbye Stranger”

THEN: Meg. Naomi, and her control over Cas. The angel tablet exists and Crowley knows. Dean wanted to do the trials that would seal the Gates of Hell, but Sam is the one who ends up taking that torch. Dean is concerned for Sam, so he prays to Cas.

SHIT, HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS COLD OPEN.

RIP prototype Dean Winchester. Killed by Cas.

“No hesitation. Quick. Brutal. Everything's back in order.” Fuck you, Naomi.

How long did it take for Cas to do that without any emotion? How many fake Deans did he go through???

Dean going through the Men of Letters archive.

There’s the key to Oz!

Ooohhh a Faberge egg! Dean could sell that and make a buttload of money.

Oh dear, Sam.

“This is a first edition, dude. You know what this would go for on eBay?” But you won’t sell the Faberge egg??

Dean finds the bloody tissue.

That’s a beautiful house.

“About a week ago, something changed in Ann. She was out of sorts, not herself at all.” Ann was possessed.

“I should have stayed. I should have protected her.” Oh no, sir. He would’ve died too.

“So, somebody's killing demons. Well, that is awesome. I feel like we should send a card or flowers. What kind of flower says ‘thanks for killing demons’?” Yeah, send them to Cas.

Wendy Rice.

Special Agents Lynne and Tandy.

“My dissertation is -- is on the history of this town and, uh, its connection to the Underground Railroad and -- and -- and whatnot. I've been working to re-create a map for years as part of my research, and this -- this is the old Jakubiak orchard there.” I really like how proud she was of her project.

“Ann's assistant called this morning, though, asking if I still had the map.”  Another demon? Or Cas?

RIP demon. Killed by Cas.

(The look on Dean’s face thoo.)

Aww, Dean looking out for Sam.

“You heard me, didn't you?” ohh nooo.

Every lie Cas tells takes a year off my life.

“They're looking for a parchment that would allow them to decipher Crowley's half of the Demon Tablet without a Prophet.”

“strange haired demon” haha.

“Well, he puts the ‘ass’ in ‘Cas’, huh?” If ya say so, huehue.

“If he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” FOR YOU AND YOUR HEALTH.

“I am a celestial being.” pft.

Look who’s bad cop now!

“We have a hostage! It's one of Crowley's pets. She's at the Murray Hotel, down by the interstate. She knows the towns where all the crypts are buried. She saw them all back in the day.”

“And she told you about the parchment?”

No, no, no, possible exposure coming up...

“What parchment?!”

RIP demon. Killed by Cas.

I assume Sam and Dean were cursing Cas during the drive to the hotel.

RIP demons. Killed by Cas.

Hello for the last time, Meg.

“Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”

“What's up with the hair?” Why would that be your first question?

Y’all are asking dumb questions, guys.

“A bunch of innocent people died so you could... buy yourself some time?”

“Hi. I'm Meg. I'm a demon.”  

“She’s gonna tell them the truth. Do I have to kill her?” Aww Cas. I love the genuine reluctance at the possibility of having to kill Meg.

“Any of you dummies got a map?” They got something better.

“What’s there now?”

“Do I look like Google to you? None of these buildings were here way back in the day. Figure it out, genius. Is there any booze in this dump?”

lol

“You really do know how to make a girl's nethers quiver, don't you?”

“I am aware of how to do that. Although it doesn't usually involve cleaning wounds.”

ngl, I lowkey ship Megstiel. 

“Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?”

“A movie, no. But a book with the proper spells -- yeah, it could, theoretically, kill me.”

Pfft. Never appreciated that line before.

“So, your noodle's back in order?” Not quite.

“Yeah, my... noodle remembers everything. I think it's a pretty good noodle.”

“Really? You remember everything?”

“If you're referring to the pizza man... Yes, I remember the pizza man. And it's a good memory.”

Aww.

“I miss the simplicity. I was bad. You were good. Life was easier. Now it's all so messy. I'm kind of good, which sucks. And you're kind of bad -- which is actually all manner of hot.” Agreed.

“We survive this... I'm gonna order some pizza and we're gonna move some furniture around. You understand?” Oof, that’s hot as all hell.

RIP demon. Killed by Crowley.

"If you want something done right...blah, blah, blah.”

Team Free Will, plus one.

“No, you're not. Sam... You're damaged in ways even I can't heal. Dean's right.“ Shit dude.

“You should stay here and protect Meg.”

“Since when do I need protecting?”

“Since you were held captive and tortured for over a year.”  

Walked right into that one, Meg.

Sam and Meg getting left behind by the people who want to take care of them.

“Wait -- so I took how many bullets for you guys, and you didn't even look for me?” Aww, poor Meg. Don’t worry Meg, Sam didn’t look for Dean or Kevin either.

“Look, no disrespect, but you haven't exactly been the most, uh, trustworthy person in our lives, Meg.”

“You're not gonna tell me? Seriously? How am I not team Sam?”

Seriously tho! They have history going back aallll the way to S1! That’s a long time.

“Deep down, in parts you never let see the light of day, you want to live a long, normal life away from creepy old things like me.”

“I do. You know, I spent last year with... someone, and, um... ...now I know that's actually possible.”

“Wait -- that's how you spent your last year? With a chick? Lame.”

AGREED. (Well, it wouldn’t be so lame if I actually liked the “chick”.)

“Tell me -- how'd you meet this unicorn?”

“I found it.”

“the Winchester” he HAS A NAME.

OOHHH LOOK AT THOSE BI COLORS. Unintentional as they may be, it damn sure looks like it. 

I’m already getting tense, I know what’s coming.

“Winner, winner, chicken dinner.”

“Good. Hand it to me, and I'll take it to heaven. “

I don’t like this.

“I can't let you take that, Dean.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Both.”

I REALLY DON’T LIKE THIS

“Wait -- h-hold on. There's one part I don't understand. You hit a dog and stopped. Why?” pft.

“You fell in love with a unicorn. It was beautiful, then sad, then sadder. I laughed, I cried, I puked in my mouth a little. And honestly, I kind of get it.” :’)

“I won't hurt Dean.” AWW NO

OH I HATE THIS I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE

RIP demon. Killed by Sam.

RIP demon. killed by Meg.

“Cas. Cas. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Cas... It's me. We're family. We need you. I need you.”

OOHHH THE CUT OUT “I LOVE YOU”

“You have to choose, Castiel -- us or them.”

There are no words for the love and angst I’ve got for the crypt scene.

“Go. Save your brother... and my unicorn.” Aww.

“Timon and Pumbaa...tell you their big plan? Did they share that little chestnut with you? They mean to close the Gates of Hell, sweetheart. They mean to kill me and all the demons -- you included.”

“You had me at ‘kill you’, Crowley.”

Cas caught Dean up to speed...then leaves with the angel tablet. Damn it, Cas.

“I could beat on you for eternity.”

“Take all the time you want, pig...No Cas in the back seat. Your stone is long gone.” Meg’s last words.

RIP Meg. Killed by Crowley. I’ll miss her.

“If you remember our time in Mesopotamia the way I do, you know I'm a lover, not a fighter.” Crowley and Naomi knew each other?

*Naomi leaves* “Tart stole my move.”

“So... what happened? I mean, Cas touched the tablet, and it reset him to his factory settings or something?”

“I don't know. And I don't care.”

Yeah, you do. You care.

“Listen, I may not be able to carry the burden that comes along with these trials... But I can carry you.” !!!

“You... realize you kind of just quoted ‘Lord of the Rings,’ right?”

Come on, man. But it's the Rudy Hobbit, all right? Rudy Hobbit always gets a pass.”

Of course, Sam (the Rudy hobbit) was the best!

“Goodbye Stranger” by Supertramp.

Apparently this isn’t a typical song Dean would listen to, because Sam gave Dean the “You’re really gonna listen to this song?” look.

Aww Cas. :(

[misssophiachase]

More Than a Feeling

Thanks for your reviews last chapter. If you hadn't noticed I'm going with an 80s theme given the song titles (been watching too much Stranger Things obviously).

Synopsis: Six former teen actors find themselves thrown together ten years later for a Netflix reboot of their TV series. Given the way things were left, what's their rationale for coming back and can they get past their issues? 28 days of stifling Californian heat, copious amounts of tequila and enforced bonding rituals will make deep seated secrets emerge and change things forever.  PART ONE HERE 

Part 2: You Give Love a Bad Name

SC Village, Corona CA

"Paintball, really?" Klaus drawled, looking around the army themed battlefield complete with dusty paths, a bullet riddled helicopter, camouflage coloured tanks, green barrels and an abundance of black, mesh netting. "What are we? Five years-old?"

"I don't know; I think it's fun." Kol replied, offering his brother some war paint he'd managed to acquire, god knows how.

"That's because you have the mental age of a five year-old."

"Why do I suddenly feel like I've been transported back to our childhood complete with incessant squabbling but set in a Steven Spielberg film?" Their eldest brother asked dryly.

"You always did know how to ruin everyone's fun, Elijah," Kol shot back. "Why is he here again?"

"Because we were young and naïve and let mother convince us to go into acting as children."

"You were twenty-one when you agreed to do Roswell Elijah," Klaus offered. "Surely you're not still blaming mother for that decision."

"And even if you are big brother, you agreed to this reboot in the first place," Kol argued. "To be honest I'm still extremely curious about why you signed up given your animosity towards this show." Elijah attempted to interrupt before Kol continued. "And don't even try telling me that it was a financial decision, Mister Millionaire."

After the show, Elijah had used his earnings to invest in a number of capital ventures making him his first fortune in just over a year and then the millions flowed. Klaus had been curious himself about Elijah's reasoning but thought it better not to pry given the same questions could be thrown in his direction.

Klaus was the only original member of the cast who'd pursued his craft and gone on to decidedly better acting roles in the process. Both his agent and publicist had begged him not to do the reboot given they thought it would ruin the reputation he'd built in Hollywood the past ten years.

He could still remember Rebekah's shrill voice through his cell phone when he told her his decision all those months ago.

New York, NY – 9 months earlier

"You're going to do what now?"

"If you're planning on deafening me then you're well on your way to succeeding, Rebekah," he growled.

"You are Hollywood royalty Niklaus. You've made Scorsese, Cameron and Scott films, you've acted alongside De Niro and Nicholson, you've…"

"I don't really need a synopsis of my resume nor my IMDB account, little sister," he interrupted.

"My point is that this decision will ruin what you've worked so hard to achieve. Roswell was…"

"Quirky and received mixed reviews, yes. But it's where I got my start and what propelled me to where I am today even if you don't agree," he pressed. "Have you even bothered to look at the script?"

"Lucien may have showed it to me," she grumbled.

"And we all know how much you like to taunt my agent and disagree just for the sake of it," he replied tartly. "But the writing is…"

"Alright, it's good," she conceded, albeit gruffly.

"And last time I checked Kol and Elijah had both agreed to sign on for this project," he argued. "It would be pretty cruel even for you to deny your siblings employment."

"Kol just wants the limelight and some more mindless conquests, Elijah's reasons for this decision I'll never bloody know." Klaus had thought the same thing but decided it was best not to engage with his highly strung sister. "Are you sure there's no other reasons for wanting to do this?"

"What exactly are you getting at?"

"You know exactly what I'm getting at but it isn't a what but a who. Blonde, blue eyed about 5'8? Goes by the name of C…"

"Enough," he growled. "That was ten years ago and I have no interest whatsoever of revisiting that particular part of my life. The fact you would even doubt my professionalism is outrageous."

"I seem to recall a Shakespeare play about someone protesting too much," she murmured sarcastically. "You can't deny the history."

"That's exactly what it is, Rebekah, history." Before she could argue Klaus had disconnected the call.

"Really Kol, my motives are none of your damn business," Elijah scoffed, breaking Klaus from his memory. "You know we're not all narcissistic, attention whores like yourself."

"I resent that."

"You have to admit that you like your picture taken a little too much, little brother," Klaus chuckled.

"Great, it's just like old times, you two ganging up on your poor, defenceless little brother." Before either could respond they heard a snort, turning around curiously to find out where it originated from.

"Poor and defenceless," Bonnie said, her eyebrows furrowed. "Now that's an interesting take on your personality. I would have just stuck with narcissistic and left it there."

"Why am I not surprised, Bonnie? You always were my most vocal and worst critic."

"Okay children," Caroline intervened, making her presence known, along with Katherine. Klaus was trying to ignore just how adorable she looked in head to toe camouflage gear but it was extremely difficult. He could still remember tracing those delectable curves with his tongue all those years ago. "Let's break it up."

"That's rich coming from the girl who needs a referee from Niklaus whenever they're in the same bloody scene," Kol scoffed. Klaus couldn't miss how her eyes flickered towards his before attempting to unload on his brother.

"Well..."

"Oh my god, do you people ever stop?" Alaric interrupted, placing himself strategically between the two warring factions. "I deserve a pay rise for having to put up with your pretentious behaviour."

"But…"

"No buts, Katherine," he fumed. "For once I just want you all to shut up, can you do that for more than five seconds?" He didn't wait for them to reply and continued. "It's obvious there are some deep seated issues here and after two days of filming within this horrible nightmare I decided we needed to take some drastic action."

"But…"

"Kol," he growled. "Shut it. Yes, you may fancy yourself as actors and your ability to fake chemistry but the camera never lies. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with your precious asses and we need this reboot to look genuine and not like you want to kill each other every scene. So, I've decided you need to get that hatred out right now on this makeshift battlefield. Go your hardest because if I have to deal with your dramas on Monday morning I might just shoot you all myself."

They were all silent, unsure of how to respond to such a strong threat. "Oh, so now you're all going to stay silent? Unbelievable."

"It's dark out if you hadn't noticed, Ric," Caroline offered, gesturing towards the black sky and dimly lit course.

"Makes it all the more interesting, don't you think?"

"You really are evil."

"I have this weird feeling you are relishing in our discontent," Elijah muttered, agreeing with Katherine, which was usually unheard of.

"And you would be right," he replied. "So, it's time to pair up kids. Three teams, two on each side."

"It should be two teams, the girls versus the guys," Bonnie objected stubbornly.

"Only if you want to lose, darling," Kol teased. Katherine raised her paintball gun towards his smug face in defiance and maybe a touch of impatience, she never was one to put up with drama if it didn't involve her of course.

"Do I get extra points if I shoot his pathetic ass right now?" Alaric intervened before she could go through with her threat, lowering her dangerously pointed weapon.

"This is how we're going to do it, children," he instructed. "I took the opportunity of drawing some randomly selected names out of a hat earlier and that formed the basis of the team pairings tonight."

"Randomly selected?" Klaus asked just as Caroline spoke.

"Where the hell is said hat or the names?"

"I'm the Director of this production, so right now I have ultimate authority."

"Last time I checked we weren't on set but in this questionable neighbourhood," Katherine hissed. "You do realise Chino is right around the corner? Ew."

"I didn't realise we had our very own Summer Roberts in the group tonight," Elijah joked, earning a curious glance from the rest of the group. "What?"

"You know the OC?" Kol asked, his mouth agape.

"Yeah, I mean I took you for the stuffy news and finance channel kind of guy," Bonnie added.

"Forget the OC, I think I've been transported back to kindergarten," Alaric groaned. "So, without further ado. The pairings are; Bonnie and Kol."

"No."

"Klaus and Caroline."

"Never."

"Katherine and Elijah." Those two didn't seem pleased but also didn't object as strenuously but it was obvious the other headstrong four weren't budging.

"Randomly selected hey?"

"You know what? Fine! I'm so sick of your childish antics that I'll let you pick your own teams, how about that?" They all regarded each other wearily wondering who they would pick under duress.

"What if we don't want to pick anyone?" Kol asked.

"I'd say you're all bad sports and for the love of god just pick someone," he pleaded. They all looked at each other obviously weighing up the least worst option in the process. Klaus had initially wanted Caroline but being that close to her so soon was also too much to deal with this early on during filming.

He was paired with Bonnie but given their history, Klaus knew she was a damn good shot and her animosity towards Kol would mean she wouldn't stop until he was riddled with paint. They may have been related but Klaus would pay to see his cocky brother brought down in a blaze of glory.

"You okay, love?" He asked, looking at Caroline curiously during prep. She'd all been about the bravado but as they were about to venture onto the battlefield she seemed almost nervous. Klaus would have been too if he was paired with Elijah.

"What did I tell you about calling me that?" She answered shakily, her creamy skin seeming more pale than usual.

"Force of habit," he murmured, his blue eyes searching hers for some sign. She looked away immediately, any unresolved feelings between them lost.

"I just hope you're ready to surrender, Mikaelson." She was gone before he could come up with some sassy response, her taut ass wiggling in retreat as she left.

"Game on, Forbes," he sighed. As much as joked, Klaus couldn't have been happier to have her so close again. Even if she did hate him. He'd take what he could get.

On FF HERE

[asseret-sarim]

The past, the present... the future.  - Part 6

Summary: In SHIELD you are known for your charisma and your irrational optimism. Specially taking in count the irreversible curse HYDRA condemned you with. Because of that, Director Fury has determinate that you are the best person to take care of Bucky’s mental state.

Chapter 6: Aleksei

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Y/N: Your name

Warnings: PTSD, eating disorders, torture.

Word count: Ehhh...

A/N: Ok, Ok, I know. I’ve taken ages to upload this. I’m so sorry!!! I had a huge writer’s block, but now I’m over it. This part is a little (too) dramatic... I got carried away. Sorry, I know, I’m a monster. I promise fluff when the series end! Enjoy reading!

Previously: Part 1 - Part 5

Previously:

“I… realized something. I guess I always knew it, but I had never seen it in such a real… reality. I’ve seen… the twisted, dark, painful story HYDRA turned, not just my life, but many others, into. You could say… I’ve meet Bucky Barnes for the first time. I… Only knew The Soldier, the shadow of a monster. But… It wasn’t the shadow of Bucky, it was the shadow of HYDRA. I feared the man, when I should fear the organization. Its true, in a way, he will always be him to me, he will always be The Soldier. I will always associate my time at HYDRA with him, I will always associate him with the terrible things The Soldier did to me. But every single time, I will have to remind myself that it wasn’t him, and them I’ll keep going. Because its true. He will be the monster that haunts my nightmares, but he doesn't need to know that, because he never chose to be in that position. This is something I have to protect him about: the nightmare he was forced into.”

Daisy nods and stays quiet, looking at the park. After some time, she turns to me. “So what do we do now?”

Now, we fight.

Y/N’s POV:

I look at Daisy’s sleeping form from the sofa. It has taken me a while to convince her to take the bed, but she finally gave in, out of exhaustion.

When we came back from our walk, Coulson had called to ask why exactly was the missing mission jet in the compound. I don’t know how that went, because Tony and Daisy took care of it, but my friend got permission to stay here for the night before leaving first thing in the morning.

While they were talking, Natasha informed me of the current situation. As always, she had my back and had told the team (including Bucky) that I had gone to the training room to cool off after a fight with her and that, given that I was on edge, Barnes had scared me and that had been the straw that broke the camel’s back. It didn’t sound realistic to me, but Nat can be really convincing if she wants to. In any case, they didn't ask questions. Nearly.

When we finished supper, Tony called me aside to his lab with the excuse of wanting to run through my results with me to make sure everything was correct. When we got there, he locked the lab door and started running through some files in his computer, but it was really obvious that he had no intention of asking me anything related to my results.

“What do you want, Tony?” I leaned against one of the tables.

He switched off the computer and turned around his chair. “What happened with Barnes this morning, Y/N?”

“I had a fight with Nat and…”

“I’m not stupid. The rest of the team may be, but I’m not, OK? I want to know what happened.” He stood up, put his hands on my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes. “I want to know. Did he hurt you?”

“He didn’t.”

“But something happened.” I just looked at him, so he took a deep breath before speaking again “Look, Y/N. I… I’m sorry for everything that happened to you. I feel terrible, because I know that you are stuck in a world that has destroyed you and you can’t get out. You can’t go anywhere else than with us, the big guys that shoot each other. That’s not the place for a sixteen year old. It wasn’t forty eight years ago and it still isn't now. Some of us can just destroy a few suits, retire, take yoga lessons or fake our death if we ever decided we were sick of this life. But you can’t. You were chained to this time bomb against your will and there’s no key to your lock. I just want to help you live with it as good as you possibly can, and I want to know if Barnes did something to you so that I can take measures.”

A shiver brushes my spine and tears touch my lids. Its been a long time but still I can’t believe it when people seem to care about me so much. I’ve never been worth it, I can’t understand it. I’m just a stupid little girl that was never able to make it out on her own. People shouldn't care so much about me. I’m no one.

“Y/N…”

I realized I just said that out loud a second too late.

“You are not no one. You are not stupid. And never, absolutely never think you are weak. The three years you spend with HYDRA would have broken anyone, they broke you. But you got up again. And I don't even know how you did it, I know I wouldn't have been able…” He suddenly stopped, his look hardening and his grip on my shoulders tightening until his knuckles turned white. I would have protested if I wasn't so surprised by his behavior. He was mumbling to himself what he just told me ‘Forty eight years’ and ‘HYDRA’. When he looked up, he was horrified “Y/N… Please tell me… You didn’t… You didn't meet Barnes in HYDRA, did you?”

I didn’t even consider lying, the look on my face probably gave me away anyways.

I had managed to convince Tony not to kill Bucky in the spot. Which was lucky, because Steve had convinced him of joining the team for the rest of the evening. Clint, Nat, Daisy and Tony went out of their way to make sure Barnes didn't do anything that would freak me out, but it wouldn't have been necessary. I discovered that when there were other people around, my fear seemed to reduce considerably. It probably was because most of the time I spend with The Soldier was alone with him, because his superiors and the scientists didn't like to see him in “action”. Therefore, he hardly ever hurt me when there was people around. Having all my friends with me gave me the confidence I was lacking and I finally got to meet Bucky Barnes.

“You should have seen him!” Smiled Steve after he managed to finish his story, laughing all over his beer bottle. Why he drank it, given that he could’t even get tipsy, was a mystery to me.

“What can I say? You were a punk.” answered Bucky. At the beginning he had looked disconnected  but as the evening went on he finally got more integrated to the team. I knew I should help, after all, thats why I was there, but I didn't see how. Barnes looked happy, but it wasn’t genuine. In his favor I have to say he was an amazing actor and only someone with as much training as I had would have noticed the subtle signs his body language gave off. How he sat on the edge of the chair, as if ready to run away. How he flinched every time someone got close to him. How he refused to eat or drink anything, much less alcohol, even though half of the team was drinking beer and the other half something a bit stronger. How he kept scanning the room, looking for non-existing threats. Once again, a wave of empathy washed through me. I was like that at the beginning, when I had just gotten away from their claws… and still was sometimes. It’s just not something you can leave behind, because it finds a place inside you and digs a hole and hides there. And now it's part of yourself, like it or not, taking it out would be much more painful that withstanding it every day. And so, it keeps digging deeper and deeper, and every single day its more painful to take it out.

Physically, Bucky didn’t look great either. Back in HYDRA, he was feed just enough to survive, all the other nutrients he needed were supplied intravenously. Now, he kept eating just as much as he ate at HYDRA, but lacking the IV supply, and that was taking it’s toll in his body.

“Who wants cookies?” I asked, looking around the room.

“We just ate.” Nat rolled her eyes.

“So what? I want some!” Daisy got up. “Who’s cooking?”

Vision stood up “I will take ca-”

“Y/N, didn’t you tell me you made amazing cookies?” Sam looked at me imploringly.

Of course I… didn’t. Daisy did, though. And she was nice enough to help me. In ten minutes, the cookies were in the oven and everyone (correction: nearly everyone) was impatient. The one person that actually had to eat, looked as if he was planning on disappearing. Oh, no. I hadn’t cooked for nothing.

“So, Bucky. Tell us a bit about your thoughts. What do you think of this new era?” I could feel Clint’s worried look and Daisy’s puzzled stare piercing through me. I did actually surprised myself, not only for having addressed him directly, but for having been able to come up with a topic that most likely wouldn’t trigger bad memories.

He looked up surprised, but smiled. “Well, internet is definitely useful. Science and medicine have advanced so much… And so have human rights. So that’s great! Ehhh… I don't know…”

“Of course you don’t know. You can’t say you've tried the best from the XXI century if you haven't tried my cookies” Said Daisy, who was already taking them out of the oven.

“I’m gonna turn that one down. Not really hungry.”

Yeah… About that. No one says Daisy “no”. Half an hour later we had managed to get him to eat, not only cookies, but also a few slices of pizza. Success!

A while after midnight we finally called it a day (or night?) and went to bed. After Daisy fell in the arms of Morpheus, I decided to read one of my journals. I started writing journals when I escaped HYDRA, as a therapy you could say, and got into the habit of keeping one journal for every place I lived in. I still read them from time to time.

The one that is resting on my lap right now is white, wore out by time and use, and has a beautiful drawing of a flamenco dancer on the cover. I moved to Spain a few years after escaping HYDRA and in my second day I saw this notebook in a bookshop and I fell in love. I lived all around the country for five years, which was stretching the time I should have been there way too much, before I was trapped and forced to flee to Sweden.

I look at the page I’m on again, explaining my experiences with Spanish food (man, those people sure like strong flavors) and a sudden stab of nostalgia crosses my stomach. I lean over myself, breathing heavily. I’ve never been a nostalgic person, and this feeling is a complete surprise to me. I close the journal, determinate to try and sleep, but the sound of footsteps interrupts me. They are coming from one floor above, and they sound too heavy to belong to someone who is thinking with clarity. Whoever it is, they may hurt themselves if they walk around like this, so I put a sweatshirt on and head to the noise. I’ve dealt with sleepwalkers before.

The footsteps take me to the top common room. By the noise they make, I work out that they are Steve’s. When I’m about to turn the corner, an unexpected noise stops me. It’s  a sob. A contained, frustrated, pained sob, the kind you don’t wan’t people to see. I’m about to turn around and go back to my room, but my damn curiosity doesn’t agree. What can the mighty Captain America be crying about? Before I know it, I’ve entered the common room.

Bad idea.

As soon as I step in, I realize my mistake. Because its not Steve who I have in front. It’s The Soldier. The more rational and smart part of my brain tells me to run and pretend I haven’t seen anything. But there’s a small, unhappy part that just doesn’t see how that is moral. I can’t just leave him here, especially not after the speech I had given Daisy just eight hours ago.

“Hey…” I start towards the sofa.

He looks at me, his expression wild. I take an involuntary step back and need to use all my willpower to continue walking forward. He looks at me carefully until I seat on the other end of the sofa.

Let’s do this.

Bucky’s POV:

I feel her when she seats next to me. I feel her when she reaches over to touch my shoulder, even though she backs away at the last second. I feel her as she looks at me in silence. I feel her. Even though I’ve buried my head on my hands again as soon as she has proven to be no threat.

Silence floats around us, but it doesn’t feel bad. Sharing silence it’s a strange experience, it’s so intimate, vulnerable… but it never lasts much. Sooner or later, something shatters it into a million irreparable pieces. But this one… This one feels right, and I want to hold on to it for a little bit more. And a little bit more. And a little bit more.

“Nightmares?” she asks softly after the silences has lost its proprieties.

“Horrible ones” I murmur. The image the man smiling down at me with a blood-driven expression, brass knuckles in his hands, is still imprinted on my eyelids.

The girl nods and hands me something over. I don’t know when she has done it, because I haven’t looked up, but there’s a steaming infusion in my hands right now. “Clint’s secret recipe. Calming” I drink and the heat travels down my chest. I don’t know why exactly why this is so comforting, but it feels good. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No”

“Okay” she says looking out the window. I notice she’s shivering and hand her a blanket. “Thanks”

I nod and leave the mug in the table. The infusion has help me calm, but there’s still something in my stomach I can’t really identify. It’s moving, making me sick with words and, before I realize it, I vomit them all. All my nightmares. There’s something strange, familiar, floating around this girl, something I can’t identify, but I can’t control either. It’s like something around her is making me speak, but not forcing me. Why am I doing this?

“I dreamed… Of HYDRA. I can’t believe they haven’t… left my head yet. Its… Today I dreamed of a man called Aleksei. It was at the beginning, when HYDRA still hid inside the shade of the KGB. Brainwashing then was… more difficult. I still had strength to fight them back. So they decided the best way to proceed was to make sure I couldn’t fight back. That I was so damn tired and… broken, that I couldn’t even think about it anymore. This man… Aleksei. He was famous in the KGB. He was their men to torture hostages for information or… for more personal causes. He was a sadistic, but with some sort of strange pull to refinement. It’s… difficult to explain. But he was great at his job, and they decided he was the perfect person to get me “ready” for brainwashing. The routine… guess you could call it like that, was simple. At that time, I wasn’t in cryo, because they needed me for various jobs in there… They would call me and take me to a cell in one of the lowest subterranean floors. So no one could hear the screams, I figured.

The HYDRA agents pushed me against the wall and took a par of chains hanging from the ceiling. One of them looked at me, coming uncomfortably close “Take your shirt off” he said. It was a direct order, I couldn't go against it. Aleksei liked to work over exposed skin. I striped my shirt and they chained my wrists, so my arms were raised above my head and my body was nearly hanging from them. They looked at me one last time, while I was hanging there, exposed. One of them walked slowly towards me, smiling lustfully, bloodthirsty in his eyes. He leaned closer and then, with no words, punched me in the stomach. I grunted, but knew the look on this man’s eyes was nothing compared to what was coming. The agents finally exited and I was left there, waiting. Aleksei always took his time, sometimes hours had passed until he finally appeared. I think it was part of his technique… It was mind-destroying knowing what was coming but never actually started. I was just there, hanging vulnerably, surrounded by cold and silence, waiting.

He finally appeared. He closed the door carefully behind him, slowly… He then went to a table set on one side and took his leather gloves off slowly. He turned on the water of the sink and the sound filled the space, left it run for a while before washing his hands, and when he was done, he dried them on a towel. Finally, he looked at me, and there it was. I have never seen so much lust and bloodthirsty fill a man’s eyes as I saw when he looked at me, examining his ideas, deciding which one would work better, and which one he felt like doing. Finally, he walked towards the table and opened it with a key. The cover raised to reveal a secret drawer full of instruments, a lot for which I had no name for. He ran his fingers through the blades of the knifes, to finally choose a silver one. He softly pressed the edge to his finger and with that minimum contact, there was already a cut on his skin.

“I heard what you did last week.” He whispered, coming closer. “Do you think that’s nice, Soldier? Hitting poor helpless girls?”

Last week I was assigned the training of the integrants of the Black Widow program. I was ordered to fight them without holding back. I did hold back, and my handler got furious. I knew there was going to be a punishment, I just didn’t expect it to be so bad.

“But you hurt Natasha. Why did you hurt Natasha?” He asked. Natasha Romanoff was Aleksei’s favorite. He shook his head, but I didn’t open my mouth. That would just make everything worse. “And you also disobeyed orders, I’ve been told. So that’s double punishment” He had been turning around me and now laid the knife on my lower back. The contact between my skin and the cold blade immediately started to sting. He kept the knife on the same place, but slowly pushed it deeper and deeper into the open wound, making it burn worse and worse. He did the same on the other side before cleaning the blade. “I’m not happy with you, soldier” He said, while I grunted in pain. “We are doing a quick warm up, and then get started. Once we get started, don’t expect good treatment” He pressed the knife to my front left hip. This time, the knife dug in deep, reaching the bone, and he leaned against it, coming very close to me, and looked into my eyes, establishing dominance. He finally took the knife out of the wound and I growled loudly, in pain. “Don’t tell me you’re already in pain. We haven’t even gotten really started” he laughed, heading towards the table and taking some brass knuckles that reflected light. “But if you’re feeling that way, let’s get over with warm up soon, shall we?”

He walked towards me at rate that was the opposite of quickly. He took his time to adjust the brass knuckles. He then hit the back of my knees and I fell to my knees, hanging from my wrists. He got into a fight position. This was going to be bad. Aleksei was specially bloodthirsty today, and he had an excuse to inflict extra pain, no one would tell him off about it. He knew that. He damn well knew that, and he was taking his chance. The cold, hard metal collided against my chest, sending a wave of pain through me, and it didn’t stop for what felt like eternity.

When he considered the punching was over, there wasn’t a single part of my body he hadn’t hit. He had even gone below the hip, something unusual in him, I was doubled over as much as I could to relive pain, which wasn’t much given the position I was hanging on. Aleksei threw the bass knuckles over the table and smiled.

He carried on: he dug a razor blade into the twisted skin of my flesh shoulder and started pushing it down. I screamed as the blade enter the tender skin on my armpit, that had never been cut until now. He shushed me. “Stop screaming, this is nothing yet. I’m going to have to muzzle you if you keep making noises.” Blood dripped and flowed down my side, mixing with dirt. He cleaned the blade and looked at me. “Oh, look! The bruises are already forming” he said, laying a hand and pressing down on a particularly big and painful bruise on my abdomen. I grunted and he didn’t look happy “Here we go again. Don’t say I didn't warn you” He cut a piece of duct tape and sealed my lips with it. Then he came back with a dark liquid. Vinegar. I could feel it burning even before the wet fabric touched my cuts. He enjoyed the burning pain this particular procedure caused. When I felt like my back, hip and side were on fire, he finally decided to stop. His hand gripped my jaw and forced me to look at him. “Don’t you dare pass out, or I’ll make sure you come back soon enough. And you’ll regret it” I believed him. “Its so nice when you have your mouth sealed. Its much more fun to do this. But I want to hear your screams for what you did to Natasha.” He showed me a whip, enjoying the desperation in my eyes before ripping the duct tape off…

I hear a contain sob that breaks my trance. My breathing is heavy and I can feel the intensity my face showcases after the flashback. Next to me Y/N won’t meet my eyes, rubbing a hand over her face. I feel guilty, she had no reason to hear that, she did not deserve to be haunted by my experiences. But then she does something surprising and squeezes next to me, pulling the blanket around us both.

“I think it worked.” she whispers, her voice still shaky, and I realize that I’m feeling much lighter now that I don’t have to bear that weight alone. “You should sleep now” I rest my head on her shoulder and the light feeling drags me into dream land while she gently runs a hand through my hair.

Before I completely drift off, I hear her mumbling something “So Aleksei had another victim.” but I’m too far off now to understand anything.

Part 7

Thank you to @beccaanne814-blog @annadier  @lilasiannerd  @obsessivegeekynerd @drinkfantasy @graysonmalfoy  @scoobertdoobert2  @violentlyfarts  @queenllamamama13  @agentraven007 @brutalwerewolf  @isaxhorror @katundeadd  @chrixa @i-am-mina  @musichowler @panic-at-the-camisado @chipilerendi  @thesalsafic @jennymagicalheart  @amrita31199  @crazyliraz  @psm2303  @s-eabasstian  @5secondsofonedirection222  @38leticia @acidentally-in-hell @namastay-in-bed-2002  @paulaamarieee  @ipaintmelodies and all the amazing people who are with me in this adventure!!