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#i feel like a lot of times even if ppl know that they still don't always rlly understand it
likesomanywrecksdo · 2 days
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When Did Blitzø Fall In Love With Stolas?
I just re-watched Helluva Boss S1 so i could numb the pain from Full Moon (it didn't work i'm not okay) and I had a few thought about Blitzø.
We all know Blitzø has a massive crush on Stolas and that he KNOWS that. Or at least he knows that he likes Stolas enough to enjoy his company and pay attention to certain things he likes even if they are just based on sex that is still a lot of effort for BLITZØ of all ppl bc he barely shows that level of affection to anyone except Loona.
But this begs the question; when did Blitzø realize he was falling in love with Stolas?
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Looking at timelines he had to have starting falling for him before this picture was taken, because no way Blitzø would have taken that picture if he know that he wanted Stolas in a "more than sex" way. The way Blitzø's head works is that even if he can't admit to Stolas that he likes him (for fear of ruining their arrangement and any sort of "normalcy" that comes with it as well as fear of ruining Stolas' life) so taking and revisiting this picture is a way to feel his feelings without having to confront them head-on (see my post on Stolas symbolizing blitzø with the moon).
So now that we've established that it had to have happened before Ozzie's but also during one of their "meet-ups". When could that have been? Oh wait...
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Blitzø fell in love with Stolas off-screen. During the post-TruthSeekers "thank you for the rescue" thing. If you think about it, this makes perfect sense. This wasn't a planned meet-up where Blitzø had to be reminded of Stolas' power over his business, it was Blitzø CHOICE to fuck him that night and Stolas did not have any tangible leverage over that decision. Additionally, Blitzø has never been protected ot cared for in the right way, he has always had to protect himself either because there was nobody to back him up or he didn't want to feel dependent or weak. He is constantly in survival mode and prides himself on protecting others.
The day TruthSeekers took place, Blitzø was protected, Blitzø was cared for. By Stolas of all people. Stolas saved him and the people Blitzø cares about when they were in a tough spot but also didn't make him feel weak by interfering immediately (before I.M.P got to kick most of D.H.O.R.K's ass). Stolas' timing was perfect and made Blitzø realize how nice it was to be taken care of, if you don't believe me:
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So. Blitzø was falling in love with him JUST before Ozzie's....
That's why Blitzø almost cried when he dropped of Stolas at his house. Because he was finally learning to love again, and look where that got him....
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IM REALLY SORRY STOLITZ SHIPPERS IDK WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME
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taegularities · 9 months
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some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
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sylphwing · 2 months
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hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔
#sylph.txt#everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is#but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho#idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship)#and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past#to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work#it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool#it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up#we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party#but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao#(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers)#(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that)#when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is#but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him#i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did#and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me!#senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself#w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party#similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter#idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny#but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with#that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao
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einsatzzz · 14 days
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art time-lapse of this piece that i posted in IG b4 to try out doing reels. i really like how this turned out overall plus "yasashii suisei" (link for eng tl) really fit the vibes so im queueing this here too
#khr#khre#khr oc#oniyanagi#hibari kyoya#ninomiya kanako#oc#hibakana#einart#tags yapping abt hibakana ahead 🫡#the quote that inspired this one still lives rent-free in my brain#“my alone feels so good i'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude”#both of them are the type of people who likes to move on their own and dislikes being restricted#and they thrive that way without needing to look out for things like social cues/other's perceptions/the will of a “majority”#there's this certain type of independence that i rlly admire for each of these two characters#if they don't feel comfortable with a person#or if the person's company does not spark any joy#as much as their peace and quiet does#then why would they even hang out and spend/invest time with them amirite? theyre not abt that fake life#nowadays its very common for me to hear abt boomers asking ppl when they're gonna get an s/o or marriage#or just others forcing ppl to conform with the social norms and what's considered as “normal”#so these two rlly bring me a lot of comfort#on their own; if i were to depict them on separate stories#khre aside and just considering khr; idt id ship hibari with anyone; he would be my a-spec king icon idol and legend who does wtv he wants🫶#kana too mdbxndbddjbd her previous version b4 this had another oc/canon ship but i don't rlly fck with that anymore (still funny tho)#(i realized that that previous ship rlly held her back character-wise---)#(but their (potential/established) platonic relationships with other characters are so *chef kiss* tho--working hard on brainstorming that)#on the other hand i started shipping hibakana for the comedy of their dynamic lmao (it should be around b4 sou & i reached kokuyo arc)#“wouldn't it be funny if---”#its just a joke there's supposed to be an “/hj” somewhere there i didn't know they would suit e/o's characters & personality this much wtf
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crimeronan · 5 months
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i'm working on the next wwaitsoatl chapter, which as i've previously mentioned is by FAR my most involved story as far as, like, technical process goes. i finished the second draft of the chapter and went "god, wow, this is all shit, this all sucks so bad, i'm never gonna be able to make anything usable out of this" and then stepped away for a few hours and now i'm midway through the first editing pass and i just keep going "oh my god. oh my god. holy Shit this is gonna bang so fucking hard once i fix it all. oh this is gonna go so hard there's so much potential. fuck YES oh my GOD my HORRIBLE LITTLE BITCHES ARE BACK-"
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izzy-b-hands · 7 months
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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imwritesometimes · 4 months
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ngl getting comments on fic is like hmmm maybe I should give this whole writing thing a try again....
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remylong · 16 days
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ventposting with a character url is so funny like she would not be saying all that
#i guess it's also because of this particular fandom#bc i associate it so strongly with my friends/writing/blog & most of the cool fun things that have happened to me/that i have accomplished#which are i guess like. the good parts of me?#that like writing for it/thinking about it/having a fandom url for it when im treating the people around me so horribly#makes me feel like. idk. a little bit sad and a lot bit sick#like i'm ruining the last good part of myself#which is insane because it's a not-that-great podcast from 2020 it's literally not that deep but 2 me it's always been more abt the ppl#like. i dont know. i hope i haven't ruined this place yet. i hope i haven't hurt the people here as much as i've hurt others. i hope#(and this is going to sound stupid because the people in question will probably read this entry but it's true)#that the people here still have reason to like me.#even though i don't really deserve it#i guess i just want there to be some place in the world where i can pretend not to be selfish and cruel and sinful and pathetic#a chronic liar a worse procrastinator a corny writer a terrible friend a worse student/employee/whatever#which is of course undermined by the fact i am writing this on this blog! online! publically! instead of in a diary no one will ever see#but i feel like my blogs have always sort of been an extension of myself? more now that i have my irls/name/face on here and the whole#I Prommy I Won't Ditch This Friend Group This Time(community note: she is going to ditch the friend group as soon as it becomes inconvenien#sometimes it feels more real than my actual body that exists in the world#so i guess if i put it down here it makes it. like. real right? like it makes it carry a little bit of weight that spiralling doesn't#whatever. this is going to make me unemployable for the rest of forever LOL#also the autocompleted tags r going to jumpscare me forever#sorry i couldn't tell any of you this to your faces btw and had to like. myspace 2008 vaguepost it#what can i say i just love to yap
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mer-se · 17 days
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it’s crazy how people don’t think their death will affect people around them even if you aren’t close to them, or even if they were just semi passing encounters like no, others feel it. my neighbor died and as I park my car and look up at her dark little house it makes me so sad - I wanna go inside and turn on the lights she always has on. People notice and will feel it even if you don’t believe it.
#and I feel so bad because I saw her a couple of days ago and she was trying to give me flowers but I was rushing back to work#they’ve been on her porch she said take some and I haven’t and ew I feel bad#she was always trying to give me flowers and stuff because knows I like em#she was a lot but had a lot of issues going on#she use to come over crying all the time I knew so much about her life#and she genuinely cared about all of us over here#been like 16 years#I use to walk and also be chased by her dog way back in the day#stood in between her and her husband in a fighting match#one time she slid a picture of an owl under my door and we were so fucking creeped out because what#turned out it was her and she gave it to me because I love animals and photography hahah#l'd hide from her but feel bad and end up listening haha#she’d give me birthday cards because I share a birthday with one of her daughters#definitely an end to a era#I feel bad for her daughter she was sitting in her car while medical examiners were in the house#a bunch of ominious black vans outside for a bit#I should've taken the flowers 😕#I felt crazy guilty afterwards to the point I kept mentioning it and now I’m wondering if my spooky bitch body knew something#it's me and I wouldn't be that surprised I am all knowing even if I don't know you know?#seems odd#anyways I was thinking of leaving something for her daughter but I’m not sure when#she wasn’t home today#I’m not surprised by that#the flowers are still on her steps and it makes me really 😖#anyways life is short and weird and sad and ppl care
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scarletcomet · 1 month
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scrolling through instagram and it's making me want to die
#i know instagram doesn't represent ppls real lives#but that doesnt change the fact that i don't have many friends who care about me#and almost everyone my year is graduating and celebrating#i am so fucking lonely. i don't think any of my school friends miss me#24 days self-harm free but i might say fuck it and relapse tonight#why though? i guess i just need some way to express how im feeling inside. or maybe it's to punish myself or because im feeling worthless#it's been over a year now since i first reached out to professionals for help for this depressive episode#over a year and im still as lost as ever. i know im doing so much better than i was but i still feel so awful every single day#i feel like i still need to be doing a lot better before i can go back to school#i feel so stuck and hopeless. i know I've made so much progress but i don't feel as if ill be able to make anymore progress#i feel like I've hit a wall and ive tried everything#my therapist told me to just keep eating sleeping and getting movement in everyday and be patient#ive been going on walks every day for like 2 weeks now and i dont feel any difference#seeing my psychiatrist wednesday and im hoping she will have an idea of what to do#i hope it's not just slightly adjusting my meds or even just trying a different antidepressant (not many left i haven't tried)#i also worry that im not bad enough for more intensive treatments like ECT or ketamine#if she tells me that i just need more therapy or another group i might just fucking end it#idk like i kinda feel like im fine and there's nothing wrong with me but at the same time i always am feeling so fucking depressed#i have had so much improvement but honestly part of me wishes i was still actively suicidal#idk what to do
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parab0mb · 2 months
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I wanna change something about my artwork but I don't know what exactly and it's honestly been frustrating me for like months now.
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vilevampire · 2 months
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if more than one minor event happens within a day I'm already like "damn hold the fuck on the world is moving too fast"
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barkingangelbaby · 3 months
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dude...
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kienium · 8 months
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i have such a hard time with tone indicators still because i don't know what the fuck i mean either. how am i supposed to fake it until i make it in these conditions
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sanstropfremir · 2 years
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do you think newjeans is an sm group (or could very much be one)? i remember when they debut, a lot of the reaction was of that. which is only normal considering newjeans' ceo was a large factor as to why sm is sm.
people point out the members' visuals as sm but hybe is relatively a new company so what holds as their standard is hard to define for now. (taeyeon/irene + kangta/jaejoong/s*won as clear examples of an "SM face"). also, i sometimes forget that some groups are under hybe because there are so fu-cking many now and they're going to debut like 4/5 new groups next year. it literally does not make any sense to me.
other than that, i don't really feel like newjeans gives off an sm vibe? i feel like it has a lot to do with the training system and what each company emphasizes on. it seems that newsjeans is gonna be more dance-focused like all of the other hybe groups. sm groups usually have a distinct vocal color - despite being under the same company, each group holds their own.
slkdjflskdfjslkdfj they are NOTHING like an sm group. like you said, sm has very specific branding in terms music, sound, and visuals, and also in HOW they construct their groups as well. i said it in ask a long time ago, but sm is the only company where i can say that they have a distinctive methodology of how they assemble a group and who has what positions/fills specific archetypes. although a lot of their artists are what would be considered 'all rounders,' sm groups have very specific positions that artists are meant to fill according to how they are assigned and there isn't a lot of deviation from that in group context. there's very little confusion as to who the main vocalists/dancers/centers are. hybe has more of a.............egalitarian approach (well, that's what it translates to, i don't think that's what they intend) where they expect everyone to have an equal level of performance skill and bill groups as being 'performance' oriented, but then they don't have anyone else in a strongly defined other role. like how do you have an obvious main dancer when your whole group can sort of all pass as main dancers? how do you tell who the main vocalist is if you don't have any strong vocalists taking the bulk of the lines and exercising their park n bark privilege? i couldn't tell you what the position of any of the girls in newjeans is unless i looked it up, but i could immediately tell with aespa.
the only thing they have in common is that they have a similar approach to aesthetic branding, and that's literally bc it's the same person doing both.
#kpop questions#newjeans w#i know there are a lot of kpop fans out there but sometimes y'all come at me with 'things ppl have said' that i've never heard before#and it makes me go 'hm i guess i have curated my kpop based social media feeds very well'#feels like im peering over the fence of my garden like where tf r u guys hearing these things lskdjflksdjflsd#not to bang on about the importance of positions in kpop again but theyre SO important#they give you a baseline to establish about the idol without actually having to KNOW anything about them#the formula works! there was a reason every second gen group was shaped like that!#there def are still non sm groups that are formed based on old school positioning but not as many. like tan for sure#bc theyre literally just a second gen group in a fourth gen trenchcoat#and like. p1harmony? i barely know anything about them but i can tell what everyone is#oneus has a rep for being a performance group but they have clear positions still#even with a.c.e who's also a performance group its still super clear who does what#part of the problem is choreography also! 4th gen choreo is too intense now!#and it often doesnt 'feature' a main dancer in the same way that it used to#the vocal colour of sm groups comes from yoo youngjin! he's their original vocal trainer and he's probably sm's oldest employee lol#and a lot of the 'typical' sm songs were produced by him#most other companies don't have as distinctive of a vocal presence bc they just havent had the time to establish it#also important to remember that hybe has bought out a bunch of preexisting groups and there's no way to maintain consistency that way#text#answers
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cosmojjong · 1 year
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gloomy thoughts :(
#debating whether i should retire myself in a bubble for the next two days and cry abt how much i hate time passing#or whether i should be around ppl and talk to friends and not isolate myself#it's been so long and i still have not found a healthy way for myself to wander over this grief#i just don't think i have ever dealt with it healthily and i tend to beat myself up for it too#i've been doing and i do my very best to comfort the friends around me and somehow it is helps even just a little#but i can't do the same for myself#i miss jonghyun a lot every single day and i wonder to which extent it's okay for me to feel this way#sometimes i wonder if i seriously need help and if this is acceptable#i don't know there are many thoughts in my head and i get the feeling that when i managed to get an idea of how big this grief is#it just starts expanding again#it feels like it's never-ending#for the most part i try to make the best out of each day and i am extremely grateful for jonghyun#i'm thankful for everything he did that i can resonate with and for the sensations and feelings i'm able to perceive#i'm thankful that he has been such a big part of my life sometimes even in making wise decisions for my path#i think one of the things that stings most is that i always carry a bit of regret with me#it follows me like a shadow#i have regrets for things i couldn't even control#it makes me quite upset that i sometimes cannot compromise between the good past things and the sad cruel reality of things#and sometimes i'm afraid i may actually never get over this#and it's not that it's unhealthy as in 'this is everything my life is about'#i still try to move forward with my life but there's so much on my plate#and then i think of how i'll never see his face or hear his voice again and it makes me so upset in ways i can't explain#there is so much weight you have to carry in order to move forward when you feel like you can't#it all just isn't fair no matter how much time passes#i'll always feel very conflicted and overwhelmed about it#and this is what i want to work on#but it is not easy#ik i sound literally delusional rn or maybe i do not#who knows
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